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betterthana-six · 6 months ago

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| MUSIC TO MY EARS - [ABBY ANDERSON] - CHAPTER THREE |

PAIRINGS: stoic!rugby player abby x musician fem!reader

SUMMARY: you and your new(ish) college roommate, Abby Anderson, have gotten into an argument. about what? unclear at the moment. but it's got Abby in a fit of shame. until late one night she hears you outside with someone whose voice she doesn't recognize and listens in.

WARNINGS: heyooo we are so fucking back! AND LOOKIE AT THAT TAG LIST AHHH THANK YOU FOR THE AMAZING RECEPTION SO FAR!!!! LOVE YOU ALL. im having so much fun writing this and watching this story spiral into absolute chaos. im honestly just trying to see how big i can make this story. much more pining this chapter but ooh girl we are getting sexier as we go, trust the process. mdni DUH. ive been wanting to write a pool scene. abby sure be falling in love. let me know if you guys are liking the structure so far, its pretty predictable. abby is snarkier and snarkier, but im always nervous to stay true to her character. let me know what yall like, and even mid story I am open to suggestions or if youre like that or this part wasnt fully fleshed out, why not let me know? im down. k have fun. bye. ALSO: i have a playlist brewing for this story. comment if you want it and ill post.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Music To My Ears: Chapter 3

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

There are tears drying on your chin when Abby abruptly stands up, pulling you up with her, towel still wrapped over your arms.

She starts pulling clothes out of the depths of her closet and throwing them onto your bed.

“What are you doing?” You sniffle.

“Put these on.”

“Your clothes won’t fit me. You have something called muscle mass.”

Abby let out a small snicker. “They’re from when I was, like, sixteen. They’ll fit,” she said.

“I have my own clothes, you know,” You gesture to your side of the room. “They’re actually about five feet away from me.”

“You’ll understand when we get there why I’m giving you my old clothes.”

“Are we hiking?”

“You hush.”

“Oh my god, is it paintball?”

“Yeah,” she says. “It’s paintball. The 24-hour paintball park is awaiting our arrival as we speak. How’d you guess?”

You smirk bashfully. “I’ll only put them on if you tell me what we’re doing.”

She plants herself a foot in front of you and tilts her head down. “You’re no fun.” She shoves one of her rugby sweatshirts into your stomach. “Let’s have fun. Actual fun. Come on, it’s the weekend for fuck’s sake. I just… I know a place.”

You lower the towel like a shawl around your elbows and walk over to your bed, as Abby’s eyes follow you. Seeing her, you jut your jaw out at her, waving your index finger in a circle. Abby's response was a bit delayed, she catches her eyes getting lost on your silhouette again, and struts slowly around to face her side.

You sigh and put the clothes on. The feeling of warmth from the dry clothes covers your body with a chill and you’re nearly sedated with comfort. While Abby is still turned away, you bring the sleeve of her hoodie up to your nose and smell it as quietly as you could.

“I’m ready,” you say.

Abby opens the door out to the hallway. Nobody’s out there. It’s nearly 1 am.

You still look both ways nervously, and Abby notes it, but neither of you say anything. She guides you down the hallway, the sound of her keys jangling against her thigh, hanging from the carabiner locked around her belt loop. She is sure to keep you close to her. Each time you sway or stumble a bit, she grabs your wrist and holds you up. Though, of course, you put a hand up every time to insist that you’re fine.

You are still drunk. It is indeed still obvious.

Abby turns a corner and halts the journey in front of a vending machine which blares with light in its dark corner. “Hold up, one second,” she says, as she inserts a dollar, some coins from her pocket, presses B7, grabs it from the bottom, takes your hand and puts the candy in it.

“Twix is my favorite,” you say.

“I know,” Abby says.

“You know?”

She hesitates and runs a shy hand over the back of her neck under her long braid. “I see wrappers in our trash sometimes.”

You pause with suspicious eyes.

Abby gives a small laugh and looks away. “Whatever. Eat.”

You bite and it is as forgiving on your stomach as any midnight candy bar can be, especially after the amount of alcohol it's following.

Now, Abby pulls your hand from three paces ahead of you. She seems restless, happily so, in a way you had rarely seen her. Maybe only once or twice in hindsight.

You are already out the doors of your building and into the cool air of early spring. It is almost completely dark but the moon lights the pale sidewalk visibly enough. Once your eyes fully adjust, you can see Abby. Her braid swings back and forth across her back.

After a ten minute walk through the main circle of campus, Abby takes one of the keys from her hip and opens the entrance of your school’s gym.

She checks your demeanor, and you meet her with a wide-eyed face that says: what the fuck?

“Just trust me,” she says and grabs your hand again, guiding you through the dark corridors and up the stairs, past the treadmills and weight machines.

As you approach the top, a blue haze lights Abby’s face and then yours. It’s very quiet up there in the announcer’s box, and it looks down onto the college’s Olympic sized swimming pool. You’d only ever seen it from the doors on the bottom level. You remember the first time. People were splashing about in the water but it didn’t ruin the illusion for you. The smell of chlorine. The warm humidity that threatened its way out onto you. You, who stood firmly in the air conditioned hall, pleasantly zoned out on the swimmers.

Even from behind, Abby seems so eager to fulfill her spontaneous promise of a good time. A small smile grows on her face every now and then. You become very aware of your hand in hers. Hers is gruff and big and warm, her thumb securing around your fingers messily. It’s possible you merely imagine the vibration in the space between your palms. Her touch reignites the bliss of your drunkenness, and, again, you feel light on your feet.

Abby pulls out a key and inserts it into the keyhole for a discreet door. It leads the two of you down two flights of stairs into a locker room with fresh towels piled up into neat stacks. She throws one at you: “Here.”

“No way,” you say. You realize you were so carried away you only now realized what she had brought you here to do.

“I didn’t bring you here for us not to swim.”

You smile big. “Oh, fuck yeah.”

“I knew it would cheer you up.” Abby laughs.

“Wait,” you think, “someone’s gonna be here. We’re gonna get kicked out.”

“No, we’re not,” she reassures, “I’m friends with the rec team. I asked for the after hours key so I can workout at night. I guess I just forgot to give them back.”

You look at her a little confused, moreso disbelieving.

“No, really, I swear. Sometimes it’s nice to de-stress at night. Let off a little steam when no one’s around,” Abby says. You smirk and lift her sweatshirt over your head, revealing the light blue tank top Abby had given you.

“Don’t I know it,” you say under your breath.

“Oh?” Abby says.

“You think I don’t notice when you don’t come back to the dorm until 5 am?” You say with a cocky tone.

Then, she, too, pulls her sweater off. She was only wearing a thin bra and boxers. You were surprised she wore anything under it at all, given her track record. You quickly note the way you don’t squirm or turn away. Perhaps it’s just a matter of familiarity - you have been roommates for three months now - or, maybe, it’s the way she’s looking at you in this moment. “You notice?”

The sudden turn of the question makes you stutter.

“I- I mean, the once or twice it's happened. Obviously.”

Instead of laughing at you this time, Abby just stands and looks at you thoughtfully. Intensely.

“Whatever. Yeah, that was…” she finally says, shaking her head, with a twinge of something shadowing her tone and preventing her from finishing her sentence.

The both of you have changed completely into her clothes, the clothes she didn’t think twice about letting you ruin with chlorine. You save her from whatever she didn’t want to say. “You could’ve at least told me to bring a swimsuit…” You say.

“Yeah, well, it would’ve spoiled the surprise,” Abby says.

At the door leading to the pool, Abby turns back suddenly, stopping before speaking.

“Okay, listen. This is a sacred rite. No one besides me, and now you, has access to this place. No one knows I have the keys, and it needs to stay that way.”

You nod. “Makes sense.”

“Because this will be really fucking fun.”

“Understood.”

“And, I’m showing it to you because you’re having a shitty, no-good night.”

You hold a salute up to your forehead. “Captain, I won't let you down.”

She rolls her eyes to your delight. “Come on.”

You find her hand in yours again. You can’t help but marvel at how natural it was - not because you are surprised - just because it still sends a shiver running down your spine.

The smell of chlorine washes over you and you breathe deep, closing your eyes and feeling the damp air warming your skin. Abby’s in front of you, hooking her phone up to a wire and resting it on the ledge of the spectator window. The speakers overhead start playing music.

“Holy shit,” you say, looking at her with amazement and pointing up to the ceiling. The Rolling Stones' “She’s A Rainbow” rings out over the speakers and fills the space completely. A smile creeps onto your face, and once it’s there, it’s stuck.

“How’d I do?” She asks.

You don’t answer but smile at your feet. You walk past her towards the edge of the concrete, sparing a devilish smirk her way right when your shoulders nearly graze each other. Only the pool lights are on, making the whole place shine with the blue dancing patterns of the water ripples. It reflects onto your face, and, when you look back at Abby, she is staring at you.

“You coming?” You ask.

And Abby eyes dart away in shock, feeling scandalized and taking what you said entirely out of context. She can’t help it; a semblance of those words have been echoing in her head for the last three months, more or less. Jolting her awake from her dreams. Both sleeping and conscious.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

The first dream happened about three weeks into living together.

Since that conversation in your room on your first night, neither of you tried to initiate conversation deeper than small talk. The explosive end to that night left you reluctant to speak to her at all and left Abby anxious to say the wrong thing.

It was the beginning of the semester, anyway. Abby had a routine to establish and you were busy finding the right buildings around campus, keeping your head down, and practicing guitar.

You hadn’t been able to anticipate her comings and goings. Mostly Abby left for her day without saying a word and came back in the same manner. When she returned in the evenings, you quickly traded the guitar on your lap for earphones while Abby read silently only feet away.

"You can keep playing, I don't mind" is the only thing Abby would sometimes say. "No, it's okay. I should probably just use the practice rooms anyway," was your usual response, if you said anything at all.

The first dream happened when Abby took an impromptu nap in the early afternoon while you were out.

Her dreams involved many strange things she could never comprehend and typically forgot soon after she woke. Yet, toward the end of this dream, she saw nothing but your face, eyes softly closed, there between her legs. It was no in-depth scene. No words. No kissing. Just you, licking a line from her knee up the skin of her inner thigh.

Abby woke up with a gasp. She looked down to find there was wetness between her thighs, and momentarily she couldn’t distinguish what was and wasn’t real. She was almost convinced that you really were somewhere near, that somehow you had been there between her legs just a moment ago. But, the room was empty and the wetness had come from Abby, herself, of course.

She found her hand was there, too, under her boxers, to meet her body with stiff, soaked fingers.

She laid there, staring at the ceiling, unsure of what to make of it, still hypnotized in her exhaustion.

She didn’t think about it. Abby began moving her fingers around in circles, her other hand placed on the top of her head, bottom lip tucked slightly under her front teeth.

She closed her eyes and, without realizing, tried to prolong the feeling that seemed so real only moments ago.

You popped into her mind. She quickened her pace.

There was something so indulgent about the image she had. It felt dirty. Naughty ideations of her own roommate was something she knew she’d feel guilty about later, a secret that could never be shared. She didn’t know where it had come from specifically, this need for you, but, honestly, she didn’t even try to interrogate it. She just exhaled hard through her nose as she tried to picture you more vividly.

“Fuck…” She whispered to herself. The feeling built and built and she gripped onto her blanket, breathing hard.

Just then, the key to your door started jangling.

Abby stopped immediately, yanked out of her dream and her tiredness altogether. She pulled up the slightly pulled down pants and sat up. She grabbed the book off her desk, opened it to a random page and pretended to be lost in the story by the time you opened the door and walked inside.

She had startled you.

“Oh, hey,” you said.

Abby looked up over the page. “Hey.”

“I forgot I need these for my next class,” you explain while gathering two books from your desk and shoving them into your backpack.

“Hm,” she said, feigning disinterest.

You zipped up and turned to leave. “Alright. See you later,” you said but met Abby’s eyes which were already on you. You turned back. “Are you okay?” You asked.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“Oh, nothing, your face is all red.”

Abby just shrugged, at a complete loss for words.

“Okay,” you said without a second thought. “Well, bye.”

“Bye.”

Once you were gone, Abby tossed the book, turned over onto her stomach, and buried her head beneath her pillow.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

The dreams, however, only got worse from there. Abby started waking up from dreams with her hand down her pants more often than not and, by morning, they delivered her a head full of thoughts she could barely acknowledge to herself. Dreams of you sitting in her lap, dreams of her fingers in your mouth, dreams of you panting into her ear. She had visions of what you’d look like astride her hips with a smile on your face. Impossible dreams of you seducing her in huge hot tubs, or at fancy dinners with her hand squeezing tight around your thigh under a tablecloth, a gala where you both get locked in the coat closet with nothing but time to kill. These dreams consumed her until late in the day.

If there was one thing Abby promised herself she wouldn’t do is fall in love with a straight girl. Especially her roommate, who she presumed kind of hated her. This new energy you brought to her made her so vulnerable in the dark hours of the night, she felt she had to release it before she got in too deep.

So, she tried the gym. She started lifting uncharacteristically heavier. She started lifting until failure, until she had completely obliterated her muscles. Her teammates applauded her for her hard work, if only they knew the real reason for the fire lit under her ass.

It helped some. More like distracted her. But she knew the craving hadn’t fully subsided. It only took an hour for it to re-emerge. Sooner if she saw you walking to class or if you tried to spark conversation in the dorm, which was rare but nonetheless excited Abby when it did happen.

One time when you were both getting ready for bed, you turned to Abby and broke the silence.

“Hey, I was wondering…”

“What’s up?” Abby responded. The eagerness with which she asked was out of her control.

“I, um, well, do you think you could show me around the gym sometime? I didn’t get to see it when I toured, and it’s so big. I’m honestly kind of intimidated-”

“Yes, yeah,” Abby said.

“Cool,” you nodded. “Thank you.”

A moment of silence passed. Abby’s heart raced with the prospect of getting to talk to you so much. Guide you around and show you the place. But in a second, she thought better of it. She needed to contain herself someway or another.

“Yeah,” Abby continued. “They’ve got a great yoga studio, you know. One has classes and the other one is free for students to use anytime.”

You scoffed. Abby’s face was intentionally blank, waiting to see your reaction.

“Of course,” you said. “Of course, you assume I’d just want to do yoga.”

“I figure you’d want to see it.”

“Okay, well could you just show me the whole gym?”

“Yeah,” Abby said, recoiling from you a bit. She pushed through, wondered if perhaps she could make this worse for herself. Worsening the relationship could force the unwanted thoughts about you to subside entirely. “Sorry. You don’t strike me as a weightlifter.”

You stopped and looked sharply her way.

“Okay. Forget I asked. I’ll find someone else.”

Just like that, another failed attempt at conversation was over. Her self-sabotage felt far less productive than she thought it would feel. All Abby felt was stupid. Her heart sank lower in her chest.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

Soon she became so scared of her sleeping self, worried that you'd hear her sleep talking your name or, dear god, catch her fucking herself while she dreamt about eating you out in the quiet section of a library. The idea was so mortifying to her that she nearly couldn’t sleep with you in the room at all, which was every night.

She grew anxious, unable to control herself and unable to sleep. Practice became lackluster. Lifting felt ineffectual. Still, she knew she couldn’t let the levee break. She needed respite in any form and, eventually, Abby realized she was desperate.

One day before rugby practice, she texted Nora, a girl Abby fucked on and off for a majority of her freshman year. Abby liked Nora because she was as impersonal about hooking up as Abby was. It was a clean-cut fuck buddy deal she knew she could rely on if she wanted.

The next Thursday, Nora took Abby in like an old friend. She sat her down and opened a bottle of wine, performed the pleasantries of simple conversation, caught up with school and sports and life, and eventually led Abby to the bedroom.

They knew what they were there to do.

In a blur, Abby found her arms wrapped around Nora's lower back as she pressed her face flesh to Nora's chest, guiding her through a sweaty orgasm which seemed satisfactory.

When Nora tried to return the favor, Abby was completely dry.

She had been mentally elsewhere since the moment she knocked on the door.

She played it off as just being out of it, just wanting to please Nora that night. So, Abby haphazardly thanked her for the wine, as it was really the only thing Nora could give Abby that night besides for a spacious bed outside of the dorms, and they went to sleep.

But Abby could only stare up at the ceiling as Nora breathed heavily beside her in a deep sleep.

She decided to walk back to the dorm. It was early and the sun was just starting to light up the sky. You were asleep, and when Abby closed the door, you sprawled out in your bed, strands of hair curled and scattered messily around your face. She watched you sleep for a second, feeling gross and cold and wired. She still couldn’t sleep, so she turned on her desk lamp and read in an attempt to forget her last two or three decisions.

When the sun was finally up, you turned over in your bed and pushed your covers down to your feet, stretching out until your hands hit the headboard. You saw Abby was already up, only reading in bed as you often found her.

“No gym today?” You yawned.

Abby looked over at you and just shook her head.

“You look tired.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Abby said.

You nodded, grabbed your toiletry bag, and left.

Half of Abby convinced herself you knew what she’d been doing the night before, which only made her feel dirtier. Moreover she believed that even if you knew, in agreement with how she wanted to keep things, you were totally indifferent.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

Abby’s logic wasn’t flawless. She thought she had been doing all the right things. She fucked it out of her system, as far as she was concerned, so after that she got right back into the swing of her routine. All excess feelings would surely go away. The dreams would stop.

Yet, a week later, it was your face she saw through vertically moving weights, walking through the gym’s hallways that made Abby nearly drop the weights she had raised over her head.

A blonde girl was walking with you. You seemed disinterested.

Her name was Carol and she was another classical guitar major. She was the best in your music theory class and you clung to her when you realized not only was she a talented sight reader but she had the most lifeless and dull nature of anyone you had ever met. She was the exact friend you had hoped to meet.

She had also offered to show you around the gym when you asked. Admittedly, you didn’t need someone to tour guide you through the gym. You just didn’t want to go alone.

Carol talked at you in great detail about the gym’s hours, what kinds of people one might find in certain areas, and how she tried pickleball once but couldn’t stand the instructor’s “overly-excited” approach to teaching.

You zoned out, clutched onto the straps of your backpack, and looked around at the gym. There were so many levels. A big hole in the wall right by the entrance that showcased the basketball courts, two yoga studios hidden around a corner on the second floor, the track that outlined the upper level, and, of course, the massive weightlifting section next to it. You tried to look away from it when Carol walked you past it just in case.

When she had taken you through most of it all, you stopped at the sight of double doors with small windows you could barely see through.

“Is that the pool?” You asked, but you were already walking away by the time Carol could answer.

You gazed eagerly at the swimmers who glided across the lap lanes with ease. There were sounds of whistles and people yelling out times.

“Can anyone swim here or is it just for the swim team?” You asked and no one answered.

You looked briefly behind you. Carol was gone. But, truthfully you didn’t care enough to go after her and continued staring at the splashes and glistening bodies in swimsuits, caps bobbing in and out of the water. The smell of the chlorine was so nostalgic. You let yourself breathe in and out, taking it all in, closing your eyes.

“It's just for the swim team, usually,” a voice said right behind you.

You jumped and turned to see who was inches away from you, closing you into the door behind you.

You exhaled. “Abby.”

“You swim?” She ignored your shock.

“Not, like, for exercise.”

“Hm,” Abby responded. “So, what are you doing here then?”

“Getting the tour I requested.”

“Yeah. From Carol, who’s never actually been here before.”

You momentarily look around for Carol but assume she must have left. You wonder how Abby even knew she was with you.

“Hey, she took a very riveting pickleball class here and has much to say about it,” you said.

Abby smirked and moved from her close proximity to the space next to you. You both stayed there for a moment, just watching.

“She seems like a lot of fun.”

“She is,” you said a bit indignantly.

“I bet,” Abby said. “I had her in my Intro to College course last year. She’s very… organized?”

You sighed, eyes still fixed on the swim team. “Yeah, she’s kind of awful.”

Abby couldn’t contain a laugh and you laughed with her. Out of all your conversations where she seemed to get on every one of your nerves, you were always kind to her. You turned away from the doors and Abby followed alongside as you walked together.

“So,” Abby said, “why are you friends with her then?”

“She’s very smart. She’s nice enough.”

“Your standards for friendship are pretty low. No offense.” Abby swallowed at the thought of you taking offense. Of her taking it too far again. But this time you conceded.

“You could say that. I guess I like laying low.”

“Yeah, I see that. I can’t figure out why though.” You looked up at Abby to see if she’s fucking with you again but she looked genuine. It softened you. “I think you’re cool.”

“Thanks,” you said, looking from her to the floor again. “I just…I’ve had my fill of shitty friends before. I figure Carol is the boring kind of shitty and not the ‘ruin your life’ kind of shitty.”

“Christ,” Abby said. “I get that though.”

You looked at her to call bullshit.

“No, really,” she continued. “If I had a dime for every time I’ve realized someone I considered a best friend was actually totally fucking awful, I’d have, like…”

“Too many dimes?”

You smile. Abby smiled at having made you smile.

“Too many fucking dimes,” Abby agreed and lingered on you, this laugh of yours in particular said, that’s so stupid, but you smiled anyway. She looked away and nervously stroked her neck. “Hey, listen, I’m sorry about what I said before. I see you lug, like, four guitars between classes everyday, so I had no right to say what I did, about me not taking you for a weightlifter. That was stupid.”

Abby’s breath got caught in her words. There was something about her that always made you sympathetic and made the corners of your mouth perk up. She went on.

“I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. Which… that’s my fault. If you ever want to hang out, though, outside of the dorm-”

But your eyes tore from her and were suddenly down the hall, staring at a gaggle of girls talking to one of the front desk student workers. Your face went sullen and your body stunned. Abby tried to follow your gaze.

You went into a panic and your eyes darted around until they landed on Abby again.

“I have to go,” you suddenly said. You swung around to Abby, seemingly hiding your face from them.

“Oh- sorry, did I-”

“But thanks for saying that. Yeah, we should,” you said, and Abby could sense your urgency to leave. “Do you wanna go to a party with me?”

Abby couldn’t hide her surprise. And pleasure. “Yes. Yeah,” she coughed. “Sure.”

“It’s a Valentine's Day party. I know it’s early in the month for that, but, yeah, Carol invited me and it seems like it might be fun, I sort of want to go but I don’t really want to go with…”

“Oh, yeah, no, fuck Carol. I’m down.”

“Yeah?” Your eyes opened brightly, at her and then anxiously to the doors behind you. “Okay, that’s great, amazing. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, see you.”

And you were out the door. Abby noticed your head slightly turn away from the girls at the front desk.

Abby’s eyes were wide. She let out a big breath and smiled to herself as she walked back to the weights. Yet, Abby found herself counting past her normal ten reps, so consumed by her thoughts that she couldn’t feel her muscles burning. Perhaps it was the moment you invited her to the party that Abby’s grand idea to repress her feelings had gone out the window. Maybe it was when you confided in her, in what small way it was, or the way you laughed at her being a smart ass that made her abandon the boundary she set for herself. Or, possibly, in the moments she spent watching you watch the swim team, Abby realized something she quietly knew since the day she met you: she couldn’t exercise or fuck her way out of this.

Even if it all was to just be your friend, which she was slowly accepting it would be, it would be worth it to die on that hill. She would let herself die on that hill. Even if it broke her heart and you never were any the wiser. What else could she do? Abby had been a lost cause from the start.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

In a glance, Abby’s memories stop short. She feels the same sense of hopefulness she did in her memory so she chooses not to reminisce further. Not when things feel so simple and good again.

It was hard enough for Abby to look you in the eyes. Every time she did, she felt like she was reading a book and your pages were turning so fast it made her dizzy. It’s how she feels as you ask again:

“You coming?”

You’re half turned to face Abby on the pool’s edge with a hand outstretched to her and anticipation in your eyes.

She comes in colors everywhere, she combs her hair, she's like a rainbow...

As if at peace with the restlessness you gave her, she looks over to you sweetly, cracking a girlish smile and releasing her hair from its braid.

“I’m not waiting for you!” You sing out. “Three! Two!”

Abby runs and cannonballs into the pool.

A second later, Abby feels you explode into the water next to her and opens her eyes. The chlorine stings but she sees you clearly. The deep blue glow surrounds your body as you cascade through the water. Your eyes are squeezed shut drawing little lines of sunshine on the sides of your face, bubbles of air fluttering around you, escaping to the surface.

Abby follows you up until you both find air. Two heads bobbing up and down. The noise of splashing calms. It’s just you and her. Both bodies are tensely aware of that fact.

You hide the bottom half of your face in the water, looking away from Abby nervously. You can sense her eyes on you. It makes you freeze. The familiar heat runs up your neck.

“Stop it.”

She shrugs, indecipherably.

“Okay,” she says.

But Abby doesn’t change a thing.

It all festers on your face.

You take a breath and plunge down until water surrounds you completely, until you’ve held your breath so long that your heart beats louder than your thoughts, slowly and finally drowning them out.

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.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

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princeoftheeternalbog · 5 months ago

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THE KING HAS RETURNED

guys im so sorry I can't believe i havent posted in so long its very unsexy of me so this is sweet comfort fluff about embarrassment as i am very embarrassed right now of my own actions (taking over two months to post again)

i was considering posting this without the old men and then decided that if im doing the strawhats im doing everyone ESPECIALLY sans and moby dick

Luffy

Laughs. But if you look sad he starts feeling bad and tries to make you laugh instead. But also he'll forget that it made you sad and bring it up again later. He tries his best to accommodate for your feelings but he's a naturally casual guy so he doesn't see what's embarrassing. There's a few miscommunications about this at the start of your relationship until he explains that no matter what you do he adores you🥲

Zoro

He didn't even notice it to be honest, or he thinks it's really cute. And if you bring it up to ask him about it he's just like what are you talking about, nobody was even looking. That's a lie, he was looking because he he's lowkey obsessed with you, but he doesn't want to make you feel worse so he just lies. He even pretends that him always saving you from falling is coincidental, you at least know that ones a lie but sweet nonetheless.

Sanji

Tries to reassure you but draws attention to it by accident, and then he does something more embarrassing to cover it up. To be honest though it really works, people just talk about him instead. But he also makes you feel less embarrassed just by how much he dotes on you, if you fall then he's swooping you up bridal style to go to chopper, if you spill something on your dress he'll cover you up with his jacket, he'll clean anything you break with not a single complaint, he just adores every fibre of your being, even the wayward clumsy ones.

Usopp

Always thinks it's cute. And he really relates to the anxious feelings so he's just treats it like a normal situation, if anyone else saw it then he makes sure to tell them to not speak of it. He will also replace your clothes if you accidentally damage them :) like you wake up and your favourite skirt that you accidentally spilled ink all over and had to bin is now on your bed, brand new and sparkling. He also makes little inventions to help you out, both silly and serious, like a portable air bag that inflates with a button, a little robot that is essentially a roomba, little things like that.

Nami

Threatens everyone who saw it to never speak of it and then distracts you as much as possible until you stop thinking about it. Will cuddle you if you get really upset about it but she doesn't really understand why you would be embarrassed because she thinks everything you do is perfect. She does eventually learn when there's going to be a possible chance for an accident, she's predicting your clumsiness like the weather🫡 she stops what she can and tries to teach you how to avoid these situations :)

Prevents said embarrassing moment. Listen she's just so efficient and she spots problems before they happen so she's just secretly fixing stuff because she never wants you to feel bad. It's not until like months into your relationship and you're apart for some reason that theres like a series of unfortunate events that reminds you how clumsy you can be and realise what she's been doing. Lots of appreciation kisses after that for sure.

Robin

Franky

Honestly you never really feel embarrassed around him, he's just so easy going and he manages to make everything seem normal. If you trip or walk into something he just checks to see if you're okay, if you spill something on yourself or rip something he uses his shirt to cover you while you go and get changed. He really could not gaf as long as you still fancy him tbh. But if someone makes you feel bad then it's like that scene from the cat in the hat(he will make it look like an accident) :

Brook

Concerned if you're hurt or if you get upset, but otherwise completely doesn't care. He just nonchalantly fixes the vase you broke, or helps you up from the floor and just pretends that he didn't watch you accidentally eat a fly. He really is just so in love with you and he still carries the manners of his youth so he refuses to contribute to your embarrassment in any way. But he loves an excuse to keep his hands on you, guiding you by the shoulders, holding your arm, carrying you around, he can't get enough of it.

Jinbei

Lovely beautiful man, he is always embarrassing himself but he's old enough to not care anymore and neither should you, if you fall over guaranteed it's because you're laughing at him just having slipped on deck. With Jinbei you become the type of couple where you bring each other down literally and up metaphorically, there can hardly be any embarrassment to you're sharing happiness all the time.

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amarayys · 4 months ago

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DRDT CHP 2 EPISODE 15 REACTIONS - SO OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS

disclaimer - this post is quite long. like 12 doc pages long. so yeah

in this post, i predicted that the culprit would be ace. and, well....yeah! IT WAS!!! AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THAT!!!! AND IM REALLY HOPING THAT THE FACT THAT AREI'S MISSING GLOVE AND THE MISSING SCRUM DEBATE DONT MEAN ANYTHING!!!

....i got it right.

I ACTUALLY GOT IT RIGHT??? NO FUCKING WAY???

Anyway, I'm gonna make a short post (post editing amari here - this post is in no way short. why did i think it would be???) of my reactions to the episode. And trust me, there were reactions.

Ace: You're going to call me the murderer just because Eden said so?! That's so inane I don't even know where to start!

...I feel ashamed to admit I had to google what "inane" means. Basically, it means "Lacking sense or meaning," which, true, actually! I can't deny suspecting Ace JUST because of Eden's crying is a little weird. Not to say that Eden is malicious or something, though.

J: I'm not saying Eden did it, but are you sure the killer is Ace?

This line isn't insanely relevant or something, I just wanted to point out that I was pretty confused here. Why is J defending Ace??? Uh???

Eden: It was him! (Ace) He was the one stalking me!

Aha, I thought so! I've seen a few people theorise that the person "stalking" Eden was the culprit, and I agree. It just makes the most sense - so I'm glad we were right!

Teruko: Could it be that Ace switched targets from Eden to Arei? (paraphrased)

Oh, I didn't even consider that! We see later in the trial this isn't true, but I'm surprised that nobody (to my knowledge) brought this theory up. Though I don't really see why he would switch targets.

Ace: S-so?! Nico could have taken it or lied about the fish disappearing. (paraphrased)

100% True! But Ace seems to be using this argument solely to accuse Nico...which he sure does a lot. While screaming. A lot.

*discussion about ace making a murder plan after nearly being murdered*

Teruko makes a good point here - He could have made the plan the day following his near-murder.

Teruko: Most people wouldn't like going back to the scene of their almost-murder. (paraphrased)

...Teruko, you're projecting. Hard. Like, really hard.

Ace: ...

Ace: Y-yeah! Exactly! There's no reason for me to take the tape unless I made a plan to kill her in a few seconds. (paraphrased)

Hesitation spotted! And a stutter! I freaked out over this on call for no reason, but that is VERY suspicious, dude.

Arturo: Who uses non-medical tape for first aid? That's sickening.

Teruko: It's not that weird, I do it all the time.

...AUWVGGHHHHH. Teruko you make me ILL. This is probably referencing how she didn't have money for medical supplies in the regular world so she had to use regular tape for wounds, since her luck hurts her often, which cannot be good/safe for injuries. I nearly cried here, because I'm very dramatic when it comes to Teruko. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Ace: What is this, some sort of Devil's Pubes?

...What the fuck?? What??? I am not kidding when I tell you I was drinking water during this line and fucking choked. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? HELLO?? CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT HE MEANT??

Ace: Everyone is always attacking me for stupid reasons. (paraphrased)

He's not wrong, actually. Everyone is always attacking him - Though not always for stupid reasons.

Ace: Do you even hear yourself right now? I'm a murderer because of my "personality"?!

I've got to agree with him here - that's a pretty stupid argument to make. As much as I don't want to slander Min, did her personality seem like the type to murder?

Teruko: Show me your neck scars.

...That's a little invasive, no?

*discussion about scratched neck*

I also believe some people pointed out Ace's bloody fingers, but I haven't seen anyone mention scratches on his neck! To be fair, that is a VERY small detail that's quite easy to miss.

Teruko: But you probably never forgot. After all, you have to live with your scars every day. Even if you've been pretending it's fine, it still hurts, right? (paraphrased)

...Ohmygod she's projecting again. Is she insecure about her scars?? Or do they just remind her of bad situations? Teruko, I love you so so much you make me SOB.

Ace: I thought I was supposed to be the stupidest one here! What the fuck is this?!

...He just called himself stupid. He is NOT beating the idiot allegations.

the whole veronika spiel**

Well, yeah, I'd imagine being almost murdered is somewhat traumatising.

turpentine, jockey and strangling arguements:

This post is going to get VERY long soon, so sorry for the massive skip lmao.

Turpentine: Correct - How would have Ace kept Arei unharmed apart from her neck wounds without her being unconscious due to turpentine? I really don't have any clue.

Strangling: Strangling her?? I didn't see THAT coming. But yeah, I suppose it works. I really don't have much to say here, tbh.

Jockey: Basically, Ace is stronger than Eden and can therefore knock her out. True, I suppose, but it's a shaky argument based off assumptions.

Charles: Ace was trying to imitate Nico's murder.

I can see this being the case - Ace using that to frame Nico. Ace HAS been blaming Nico quite a bit, huh?

Ace's injury argument*

Good points made by both Eden (for some reason??) and Teruko. Yes, Ace was bleeding out and in a lot of pain, but the wound was not severe enough to limit either his speech or his movement. The murder might have hurt, but he'd be able to do it.

J: Isn't Ace...too stupid?

I burst out laughing...that's quite direct, J! But also mean. Ace is literally right there. Also, that is not a proper argument!

Ace's whole dignity thing*

Jeez, I used to despise Ace, but I'm liking him more and more. He has some really funny lines, and his development is REALLY good.

I think it's super interesting that ACE, who everyone believes is dumb and rude and unable to take criticism, is letting himself be called stupid for the sake of being declared innocent. It really shows how his character is more than just "I'm rude and I hate you all!" DRDTDev, your writing is so good.

Charles' explanation*

Now, I'm split on this part.

For one, I agree that his IQ would not have much to do with how Ace carried out the murder and is irrelevant. However, the whole argument of "Ace rides horses, he is strong!" thing isn't really accurate - in chapter 1, he describes how he never actually practices jockeying.

**also, the acevi fans are in pain. i see you looking at how levi said ace wasnt dumb. I SEE YOU

Non-stop debate with ball of clothes as bullet*

I was WONDERING WHEN THE CLOTHES WOULD COME IN!! Again, I'm not original, so I've seen theories regarding the ball being thrown over the railing. But...the railings pretty high. I don't think you could just throw it.

Bullet is used*

Oh, so Teruko is using the "ball of clothes was thrown" argument? It still seems very high up..

Ace: How could I have thrown it up that high?

Aha, so they are addressing that issue! I'm glad.

Ace tangent*

Again, I'm sorry for having to reduce this AMAZING character development down to a "tangent", but this post is already WAYYY too long.

He definitely has a point, though. Just because he's a jockey doesn't automatically make him the murderer. Just because he's somewhat athletic doesn't mean he could've thrown the ball of clothes.

And, as much as I REALLY don't want to admit this...Teruko's reasoning for siding with Eden was a little shaky. At first, Teruko believed Eden because Eden believed her in the first trial. Adorable, yes, but you could argue that was unfair towards Ace. However, there is definitely concrete evidence against Ace at this point and Teruko is valid for siding with Eden at this point in the trial.

Not to say I don't understand why Teruko sided with her - I totally understand. And she did say she'd keep an open mind. I still love how this was all done - Teruko siding with Eden was a nice touch.

Argument Armament or however the fuck its spelt.*

Wait what?? I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING\??? that AA came out of absolutely nowhere but i am here for it! The art is fantastic as always - i especially love the horse!

Final blow; using a sling shot*

...I'm sorry? What??

OH! THE FITNESS BAND!

I knew it must've come in somewhere! This trial has been so satisfying so far...God I love this fangan.

So, Ace tied the fitness band around the...bar things in the playgroud and flung the ball of clothes up. ...I still don't really get it, but it's definitely better than just yanking it up there!

Teruko, interrupting Ace: SHUT UP, ACE!

...eh? EH??? TERUKO??

Teruko: Do you even understand what this class trial is? Tell me, how do we decide who's the murderer? We determine who lives and dies by a majority vote. YTTD REF?? In other words, the opinion of everyone who *isn't* you.

I...woah. I didn't see that coming. Like, at all. Let's see what else she has to say.

Teruko: Who cares where you stored the water jugs? That doesn't matter. (paraphrased)

Um...I'm pretty sure it matters, Teruko. Though I can see where she's coming from - she wants this trial over with and she thinks discussing minor details is a waste of time.

This line makes you seem like the culprit, but she has protag privileges, so yeah. Just Teruko going off again.

Teruko: The point of the trial is to determine who the killer is, not to determine every single little detail of what happened.

Aha, so I'm correct. She doesn't want to discuss "minor details".

Teruko: It doesn't matter that you're not convinced. It's not going to help you, nor change your fate. No matter how you feel or what you think, nothing will change.

You think that your whining and screaming is going to change our minds? That if you call us all stupid and wrong, we're going to magically decide to not vote for you out of the goodwill of our hearts?

...Okay, so. I think she's projecting here. Again. She knows that screaming wont do anything for him - It never did anything for her. She knows that people vote stop deciding the culprit's you out of the goodwill of her heart - They didn't do that for her.

Maybe I'm reaching, who knows.

Teruko: Come on Ace! Don't you want to live?! Defend yourself!

Oh, she's desperate. She really wants to be wrong here, huh? She doesn't really want him to be a culprit.

Ace: I'm such a piece of shit.

...is that a confession?? IS IT??

Ace: Yeah, you're right. There's no way I'm making it out this trial alive.

Okay this could still be interpreted as him just giving up on trying to find the actual culprit but-

Ace: I killed Arei. That's exactly right.

....OH. I...WHAT??

That...wow. I don't even know what to say! Before this point in the trial, I was kind of suspicious he was an accomplice, but hey...that's a confession for sure!

Ace: I was scared of dying. That's all.

Yeah, I've definitely seen a theory on that somewhere. And it fits his character - But jeez. I'm gonna be sad to see him go.

Ace: I'm fucking terrified of dying! I can't sleep at night because I keep thinking about how I'm going to die young in this goddamn killing game! I didn't want to die!

Ace: Live, and escape this killing game, and go back to my shitty life where I can't do anything on my own because I can't control myself.

Ace: Back to that life where I can't do anything but a sport that I hate because I suck shit at everything else.

Wow, it sounds like he really didn't think he had any way of enjoying life, whether in the killing game or not. I feel so bad...We knew from Chp. 1 that he was quite the scaredy-cat, but to make that a motive into killing? Like...I'm not sure what to say. /pos The character development is SO good though I am HERE FOR THIS!!

J: So what? Get over yourself.

...J?

J: Murder is unacceptable, no matter what.

Oh! I see what's happening! This is a super interesting way for a character to think. This makes me think that sometime later on, a murder will be done on accident in some way, (maybe by herself - THAT would be a twist for sure) but she still refuses to forgive the culprit. I really love J getting character development!

Ace: Arei…she was a piece of shit too. Just like me. Eden if she said all that nice bs to Eden, there was no guarantee she was actually going to change. (paraphrased)

…Ow. “Piece of shit” really is becoming the new “Good person”, huh? /hj

And, I suppose Ace is right in that there wasn’t any way to tell if Arei *was* going to change for certain - But I think she was genuine!

Ace: But at least she (arei) was trying. And I can’t change even one thing about myself. Not my shitty job, nor my shitty personality, nor my shitty life.

OH OKAY OUCH AUGH. This…is painful. Here’s my (not very good) interpretation of this:

Ace doesn’t trust that people will be able to change. Sure, there’s a chance - but no guarantee. However, he applauds Arei because at least she was trying to be better. He thinks it’s pointless for him to try to be better - everything bad in his life, he cannot change. And that scared him, and that is what led him to murder.

“...” said by Levi and Nico*

Wow, going to the two people who have the most to do with his character right after he says that is crazy. /lh

But yeah, I can’t even imagine what was going through their heads… The person who reprimanded them for killing others (and in Nico’s case - trying to kill him) actually ended up being the killer of Arei - and intended to kill everyone in order to escape the killing game. It sure must be a lot to process, huh?

Ace: Just vote me already! Put me out of my damn misery!

…Damn. This really hurts…

He’s obviously terrified of dying. He probably wants it over with. He doesn’t want to wait in anticipation for his death. He just wants it over with…I feel SO bad.

Teruko: Before we do that, allow me to go over the case one more time, to confirm we all understand this murder.

Ace: Why? Why do you have to remind me of the fucked-up shit I did? I already feel like crap. I don't... I don't want to think about what I've done. Not now, nor ever.

Ah, so there’s also guilt involved. I mean, of course he’d feel guilt - but he probably felt killing Arei and escaping the killing game was his only option, excluding death.

Teruko: …

Teruko: Sorry, but it has to be done.

AGH. Teruko feels bad for having to make him relive his murder…dangit this cast makes me ILL /pos

Teruko: Confront the mistakes you've made. Then accept death. That's the fate of everyone who chooses to participate in this killing game.

I meannn…she isn’t wrong. But I still feel horrible for Ace.

**Closing argument**

Oh cool!!! Here we go - I can’t wait!

GIRLKISSERS!!! oh, and ace ig. /j

This is probably my favourite cg from the closing argument. It’s just….Idk. Arei’s expression is sort of funny to me.

The way Arei’s hanging body appeared in the middle and lifted up slowly…that was disturbing. But in a really, really good way. DRDTdev is super creative with these closing arguments!

Cut her free…with what, exactly??

Also, Teruko calling the carousel a spinner is hilarious to me. Not even a spinny thing anymore - just a spinner.

I burst out laughing at this cg…because I DIDN’T EXPECT HIM TO BE UPSIDE DOWN??? I giggled a lot at this, it’s really not that funny - but I didn’t expect him to go full monkey style in order to tie the rope.

And…there it is. Sorry folks, but I really doubt Ace isn’t killer after getting the “trial close” screen and the…end of closing argument cg??? Thing??? I have no clue what it’s called.

Wow, this episode was a rollercoaster ride. I love love love love LOVED it. I can’t wait for the next one!

Before this episode, I really didn’t like Ace. At all. I just found him annoying. But DRDTdev did his character arc SO well - he’s really grown on me! Now time to see him get executed…oh.

Also, I realise I forgot to comment on the new cgs,,, whoops. They’re all super good though - I LOVED Teruko’s.

Anyway, I think that’s all….this took SO incredibly long lol. I don't really know what to say in order to end this post. So. Yeah.

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #despair time #teruko tawaki #fanganronpa #drdt theory #drdt spoilers #ace markey #eden tobisa #levi fontana #nico hakobyan #charles cuevas #arei nageishi #j moreno #teruko tawaki the things id do for you #<333

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pixthefuckup · 1 month ago

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things that happened to me that i think hatchetfield teens would experience

richie: got chosen as a throwaway member for a sports team in gym and ended up being the goalie. i had an entire sports anime arc with these guys (the captain learned how to develop and delegate better, the strikers were foils of each other with one learning to be more smooth while the other learned to be more aggressive, the midfielder realized that he was super important and his good stamina wasn't the only reason he got the role, and i learned to stop doubting myself, how to use all my experience to realize flaws in the other team, and go for it) we were literally a thrown together team because the captain just wanted the role for more credit. we somehow won the entire tournament.

ruth: im in a theatre group that makes its own original play through january to february. now, the plays are always hitting and they're incredibly. but... each time i improvised a random filler line, it ended up getting stuck in the show no matter how bad it was. i was performing night after night the same shitty "we're friends! friends are supposed to tell each other things!" because i couldn't figure out how to start an argument weeks ago and nobody could either apparently. i mean, i apparently got laughs but i couldn't hear shit over the rushing embarrassment in my ears. i can commit to the bit but not without internally dying ig

either side of potseed: i got high once in a park surrounded by theatre kids and instead of being chill or dazed, like i imagined, i started yapping about dante's inferno and fanfiction, their connections to each other, and then their connections to the veil and reaching past human life to things unable to be held but yet taken as precious things to be obsessed over and analyzed. mind you, it sounded incoherent af because i was high. this was also my first time getting high (if this sounds familiar and you follow me NO IT DOESN'T HAHAHA I NEVER USED THIS EXPERIENCE FOR ANOTHER FANDOM) steph: had a 10 minute compilation of me tweaking out over essays i did not give a single fuck about until deadline day (all the videos were in timelapse) bc i thought it was funny (i eventually deleted it for storage but im sure i can recreate it this year since it's my junior year) pete: i once managed to get the tea about my entire middle school hierarchy and secret dynamics because i had been sat at the table of two popular kids who didn't notice me. so while they were gossiping, i was sitting there, quietly doing math and also listening in. i was a goddamn master at multitasking. ziggs: me and my friend were trying to get weed so we followed a stranger who promised to lead us to a shop where he would buy the weed for us (dumb idea i know). instead, we got a bunch of lies about his backstory, an entire lecture on buying weed a certain way, and then he guilttripped me. thankfully, my friend got us out. we ran back to our group and we lied to them about all the shops being closed because it was too crazy and too embarrassing to admit what actually happened. hannah: my family has weird psychic experiences. it's really long to explain in detail but essentially: my grandaunt could hear ghosts and have dreams convening with spirits as well. my mom could have odd dreams and convene with people, whether overseas or dead. my brother used to see ghosts and predict the future. short example: he once told my dad their airplane home would break down. he was right. he forgot his experiences and abilities as he grew up. (the lex to my hannah fr fr) as for me, i could see past demons and had weird companions to warn me. the story's a bit long when properly told but tl:dr: white bear tried warning me of demon dad, i didn't listen, had to try and see past demon dad to get to real one. demon dad was standing in front of regular dad. i manage to walk through demon dad (freezing btw) and hug regular dad. white bear sees this as i go back to sleep on the pull out couch with dad, thumbs up.

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bunnygirlaltar · 4 months ago

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lilith conjunct venus in the 1st house, opposite pluto

having lilith in my first house has made me crave insight into her energy and influence over a chart, especially with the aspects she makes in mine. most of the time though the descriptions i can find about these placements dont actually resonate super well? i can tell the people writing them understand lilith and maybe their descriptions make sense in theory, but i want to do my part by sharing how i think she affects my chart from my own point of view. she does trine my midheaven after all <3

lilith in the first house (gemini)

i have felt misunderstood my entire life, its just become the nature of existing as myself, i probably feel misunderstood at least a little bit all the time. growing up i was the youngest and very close to my older sister who i would follow around and imitate a lot. we have a great relationship but as i started to develop my own sense of self early on i wanted to make it clear i was my own person as much as i could. throughout highschool too i remember always struggling socially because i never thought people saw me in the way i wanted to be seen. usually i felt perceived as darker, almost meaner than i was. i actually became pretty fixated at one point on consciously trying to brand myself as a nice person, because i didnt understand why so many people seemed to have no interest in me.

theres a paradox to lilith though, where while i felt this misunderstood all the time and i would on one hand hate it, on the other hand i almost needed it and craved it too. so its like in response to being misunderstood, i would further go out of my way to be more mysterious or exactly what people saw me as. i love to have secrets, i genuinely feel off-balance and uncomfortably vulnerable if i feel like ive been very open and have no more mystery to me. i love to not explain myself. my adolescence was filled with me making random almost impulsive changes to my appearance and enjoying how it made people confused, especially when it went against conventional beauty or femininity. id shave my head, randomly switch my whole wardrobe, get tattoos and accessories that stuck out and never answer anyone who asked about them. i love to show off my style while also telling everyone its none of their business. ive almost come to anticipate and expect being misunderstood, so i start to lean into it. it can lead to some of my best confidence moments, but it can also be so isolating and sad. most of the fights ive had in friendships or family is about me feeling like the other person fundamentally doesnt understand something about me that i find really important, and it hurts. im also the type of person where the people who have known me the longest or the best often still have trouble describing me when asked or predicting how ill act in situations. again, most of the time i delight in this, but when it leads to conflicts it can feel devastating, like nobody in the world understands me or tries to. the best connections i have are when people arent afraid to try to get to know me more even when i bristle up at them about it, and when they hold me in high regard or a positive light even when it would be easy not to.

also to clarify, im not like an actual demon person, i like to think i am a very good and nice person. lilith just makes it get distorted, shes not like a little demon in my head telling me to do shitty things, if anything shes a little demon in other peoples heads when they look at me, telling them that something neutral about me is actually dark.

lilith conjunct venus (in the 1h, gemini)

everything i said about feeling chronically misunderstood about the first house, here it goes double for romance or sexuality. i by default assume that most people, especially men, are viewing me in a negative light until proven otherwise. again that paradox, where im not sure if it started because it was true and i came to expect it, or i was worried about it and it became a self-fulfilled prophecy, all i know is that while im not right all the time, im right often enough for it to be hard for me to shed this assumption.

i wanted to talk about this aspect specifically because its been hardest for me to understand this one myself with what i could find reading about it. because venus in the first house is often described as someone being very alluring and likable, perceived in a positive way, all the blessings you can imagine venus in the first house would give someone. but with lilith in the first house people say almost the opposite things. so what about their conjunction?

for me i think lilith there doesnt cancel out or steal the spotlight from venus, its more like they team up. my distaste for romantic relationships almost counterintuitively plays a big part in my general personality, almost like im daring people to challenge it. being the perpetually single friend and having this attitude of being almost above romance is a pretty prominent part of how im perceived honestly. as ive matured and thanks to other placements i dont think im better than people who engage in dating or anything like a total cynic, but especially growing up with my closest friends being in pretty toxic relationships, my bitterness toward it just became a part of me. i always seem to be a little more angry, a little more hurt by the shitty things people do to their partners. lilith and venus together makes me feel very protective of women and femininity or at least very reactive to the concept of gender overall and to women being subordinate. im the definition of 'supporting womens rights and wrongs' meanwhile with men i have so much less sympathy and can see their negative intentions immediately when others dont. again, im not saying im always right (i would love to not be right), but im right often enough that its hard to unlearn this.

i also think this plays a role in how other women see me and interact with me. i think women with a strong and stable venus energy to them, strong positive placements and aspects, strong in their sense of self generally, tend to react better to this part of me. they dont blame me for my snap judgments even if they disagree or dont share them. they value them, often say they value my insights on people because im 'always right' or something to that extent, like they can trust me to always be in solidarity with them. women with more turbulent venus energies mirror my own instability. like i said, the paradox, my venus and lilith both dont want any attention from men while also being bitter that i never get it. i think this aspect of me comes out more around these women, and i bring it out in them too. usually we can agree on shit-talking and feminist ideas, but at the same time they will go and not walk the walk, usually theyre struggling in toxic relationships with men or how they view their own femininity, while i go and judge her for her inconsistency from the sidelines if i dont catch myself. it brings out ugly sides in both of us, and this has been a big focus in shadow work for me. lilith and venus can have you so protective and defensive of women that you almost circle back to disrespecting them, usually from putting them on a pedestal and getting unfairly upset when they dont live up to it. i think this is part of an inherent and inescapable shame that lilith carries with her, that i can be as confident as i want being so dark and counter-culture and alternative, but that can only exist by validating the very power structures i claim to hate, the real wound being that i feel rejected.

lilith and venus together makes it so that so much of my sense of femininity is inseparable from power dynamics and oppression. i have to work hard to make sure i dont define femininity or womanhood by suffering, or impose some divine gender-essentialist type of mindset that leads to terfs. fuck terfs by the way. my relationship with gender in general is shaped by this, im a huge defender of people when it comes to gender identity and expression because i understand so deeply that no one should have control over what you do with yourself, your body, your self expression. i love radical people in fashion, i love cringey people, i love niche alternative subcultures, i love when people are provocative and assertive in their personhood. lilith conj venus brings me a lot of difficulty but i am deeply grateful for the way they make be see beauty in absolutely everything and everyone, this is a core part of me, a value i hold very dear and practice as much as i preach.

lilith and venus oppose pluto (1h-7h, gem-sag)

i saved talking about my actual own love life and relationships for here. also because, theres not much to say, which is exactly the point! ive only ever dated someone for two months in highschool, and we broke up essentially because of everything ive been describing, i felt like their feelings for me were for a version of me that wasnt accurate, and feeling like that made it impossible for me to keep my feelings for them. other than that, i have been perpetually single and can count 'crush' experiences on one hand.

but heres the paradox, i am so deeply transfixed with sex and romance, its not that theres a lack of interest. its that my feeling of being misunderstood prevents me from wanting to do anything with anyone. i have high standards and like i mentioned, i tend to assume the worst in people especially if im seeing them as someone pursuing me. its hard for me to distinguish between someone liking me or being attracted to me and them disrespecting and objectifying me, they often feel like the same thing. again, is it me projecting, or am i just overly sensitive and reactive to a truth there? im not entirely sure.

the times ive had feelings for someone, usually i see a similar lilith presentation in them i can relate to. i tend to have crushes on problematic women (someone my friends dont like, someone whos not generally well-liked, someone who doesnt have a great romantic track record, or shes just straight lol). i get attracted to women who seem to be misunderstood and demonized often, as if i want to prove to them that i can understand them in ways other people dont, and i hope that they can do the same for me.

with venus, i like to flirt, i like to come off as almost sweet and mild actually. probably because of gemini, i like to be seen as easy-going and conversational and fun, non-judgmental, a good listener, witty. but with lilith there, theres always a sense of mystery around it. im a nice person, approachable, but you dont actually know much about me. im a good listener, but i dont talk about myself. i have a psychic awareness to me, being witchy and spiritual tends to be pretty present in how people see me and i think it adds to a layer of obscurity to my energy. and i love it. venus conj lilith, gemini, clearly i love to be confusing, i love to be a contradiction, i love to make people think. the vast majority of the time, i just live like this for fun and my own enjoyment. but when ive liked people, its been because they were extra receptive to my lilith energy.

pluto opposing lilith makes her very sensitive to being clocked by similar plutonian people, like recognizing like. i like when people engage with the light-hearted part of me, but then indicate somehow that they know theres more beneath the surface of me. i like when they admit that they dont understand something about me, i like when they ask about it, i like when theyre both interested in the venus and the lilith in me.

venus opp pluto is notoriously not a great aspect for love and relationships, and mine doubles down by being in my 1st and 7th house. my most intense relationships feel psychological more than anything. im attracted to people i can psychoanalyze and who will psychoanalyze me. i like when they say something personal and a little controversial but honest. so it makes sense how this can be a difficult aspect. you tend to attract and be attracted to problems and concepts more than people. pluto makes me want to dissect their entire psyche and examine all of their past like theyre a lab rat. theres a feeling that with all the darkness in you, you can only be with someone who can relate and understand the darkness, or at the very least isnt scared of it in you. but its a gamble, plutonian energy takes a lot of work to balance out! i dont think its impossible for there to be strong plutonian energy in a healthy relationship, but quite frankly more often than not people havent done a lot of work on that side of themselves and it does lead to unhealthy situations.

theres also a lot of moving in shadows in my love life, theres rarely been clear cut communication or a feeling like we really understood what the other was thinking. thats what makes it not last but thats also what makes it so tempting to keep trying over and over. the thought of finally accomplishing being understood is too tempting and no one is more willing to keep trying at it than another person with lilith/pluto energy. i also like relationships that are private, similar to how i enjoy myself to be perceived as a little bit mysterious, i want a relationship that is that too. the problem is i long for all these traits in a healthy relationship, but in reality these are also pretty common in unhealthy relationships. its a challenge to be in a relationship that honors or fulfills the strong lilith energy i have while not feeding into it in a toxic way.

i compare it to (this rendition of) persephone and hades. persephone who had this beauty and grace to her, but also had this darkness that was equally part of her. and hades sees it and invites her to take the throne she deserves, but to everyone else, this is corrupting her, they want her to stay the easy-to-understand and beautiful spring maiden she is, and hades is ruining that. but persephone doesnt feel that way, she feels like he finally sees something in her that is integral to who she is that no one else seems to see, or they do see and want her to suppress it. they rule the underworld together, and the nature of their relationship is shrouded in mystery and darkness. everyone argues and debates about persephone and how much agency she had or what she felt, but only she knows the truth, and she has no interest in clearing things up. she lets it be mysterious, because she doesnt think its any of our business, and she doesnt feel the need to prove anything, shes a queen! this is sort of the ideal of a relationship for me. like recognizing like, and getting together to unlock our full potentials together even if other people dont understand it. persephone being able to go between life and death, earth and the underworld, being so misunderstood and secretive, that transformative and fluid nature, of course my venus conj lilith in gemini opposing pluto loves it i mean come on!

#lilith astrology #pluto astrology #venus astrology #she trines my midheaven so i must share her with the world #i always feel like im confessing when i post on this blog lol #bunnygirlastrology

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growling · 9 months ago

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Top 10 favourite narcissist moments

parasocial hatred. we never talked and I'm not sure you know I exist but I fucking hate you and hope the worst happens to you

getting so pissed over actual talented people that get like 50+ notes minimum for every art and endless praise from their 100+ followers every damn day whining about how much their art sucks and nobody appreciates them or whatever. like shut the fuck up do you just not know how good you have it or are you just fishing for attention. nevermind i have already decided which one and i decided i want you boiled in a pot

not being able to have a normal one without a constant string of supply aka attention and praise from everyone. every time someone talks to me or compliments my epic art skillz or acknowledges me in any way I get such a high I feel like a literal god and feeling giddy nonstop for the whole day, then it fades i start to feel a bit too ignored these past 2 days and a half and i just feel so empty and terrible and my world is destroyed and i need to hurt something now- oh someone said im cool again nevermind i have been fixed the universe is beautiful my future is bright mentally healthy people want me carnally

having a really fucked relationship with the concept of "unconditional love" everything is conditional what are you talking about. and "love" in general, when i say i'm loveless, whether romantically or platonically, i mean it. that doesn't mean i cannot get attached to people or care about them in some other way, no i am not going to explain it in detail right now

there is zero point in talking to anyone else or getting into any relationships because none of these people could ever be on my level. their thinking is so shallow and stupid and they all behave so predictably and enjoy the most nonsensical of things and it's like everyone just gets something that i don't and they're inferior in every way but it feels like they are out for me specifically because I'm not like them and as soon as they find me out I will never be safe there. It's lonely and terrifying but yeah sure I'm the asshole apparently because I secretly feel superior or whatever. contrary to popular opinion being extremely self-centered is not a positive thing for the guy that has it

not caring about anything that doesn't concern me specifically in any way. it's all "support people with low empathy" until they can't ""make up"" for it with high sympathy or just trying harder or something. Everything bad that ever happens is here just for my entertainment or an annoyance. vents and crying and whatnot make me incredibly uncomfortable or annoyed and i mean i will try to listen (because i am a wonderful kind person) but i will have zero idea on how to respond because thorought the entirety of it i didn't really pay attention and just kinda thought "oh my god stfu i don't careeee when can i leave" while envisioning rain code amvs in my mind. unless you unlock my easter egg that is

only doing nice things for praise and making people love me or just to feel good for being such a great person, and getting incredibly dissapointed and sometimes really pissed whenever they're not grateful enough

wow society is a shitshow i don't respect literally any of you people. i should run away and live away from everybody forever but i need to acquire my riches and fame first which will not be hard whatsoever. the struggle never ends

just. lying all the time. and not being able to tell whether you actually like somebody or their attention.

not seeing other people as people (i know they are, it doesn't change that i still feel they aren't), having to slowly spend enough time talking with them and find out enough information on them in order to start seeing them as an actual person. if i don't know who you are then you just aren't that important in the great scheme of things. and if i do know you and get attached (and maybe you also happen to have traits that make you special and better than others almost like me which makes me like you even more) then I decide you're my person now. not in a weird or entitled way, it's just how many of us show protectiveness and whatnot thanks radiostaticsmile for putting that into words. I do feel a bit of an ownership over people I like, kinda like a cat or dog with their people. i'm really not escaping the kittycat allegations am i. god damn it.

#vent #VEEEEEEENT OBLIGATORY THIS IS A VEEEEEENT DISCLAIMER I DO NOT ACT ON LIKE NEARLY ANY OF THOSE THESE ARE MY *THOUGHTS*#mine #yomipost #gradually got into a better mood as i was writing this lmaoooo anyway you should consider being nice to me forever <333333 #actually npd #<- yeah why not put this in the tag maybe it'll resonate with the people lmao. how are yall

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theoceantot · 2 years ago

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𝑫𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏 𝑺𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒓 𝒙 𝑳𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓(𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒘𝒐)

Goin shoppin with wainbow and pinky I wuv them" Y/n singed as she walked in the middle of the two of them holding on to each of their hands. Akaza wore a long sleeved hood with the hood up so nobody could see his face while Doma wore his usual attire.

"We're here angel!" Doma said as they stopped in front of a small store. It was a little store. Y/n looked inside to see onsies, plushies, sippy cups, anything a little would need. Doma picked her up and twirled her around and headed inside leaving Akaza to trail behind them.

"Hello! Welcome to the little boutique is there anyway I can help you today?" The worker greeted. She was rather short with long brown hair and beautiful green eyes.

"Y/n just got classified as a little and we aren't for sure what to get for her" Akaza replied and handed her the identification card. She pulled out a pair of large round glasses from her pocket and read the card.

"It seems like her regression will primarily been in baby and young toddler years. So I'd recommend getting her a couple bottles and a sippy cup, pacifiers, and a crib with adjustable bars AND don't forget about the toys of course" she smiled and looked at Akaza and then at you.

"Well then what are we waiting for! Come on angel let's get your stuff" Doma exclaimed and led Y/n to some toys leaving the worker and Akaza alone.

"You can take off your hood I know your a demon" whe said kindly leaving Akaza in shock. How did she know.

Akaza took off his hood to reveal his face.

"How did you know?"

"You see im a witch. And whenever a demon is around I get a really awful smell. And let's just say my cards already predicted this whole thing"

They both look over to see you holding a snake plushy hugging it close while Doma laughed.

"Please protect her shes far too innocent for this world"

"I won't let anything happen to her. Not while I'm still standing"

30 minutes later Y/n got all of the things she needed which was a LOT. Becasue Doma kept pointing stuff out that he thought she'd like.

"Bye! I hope to see you guys again soon" She said as the twin carried all the items out of the shop. When they were out of the store Nakime teleported them back to the fortress.

Daki and Gyuataro looked at all the things they bought that was taller than akaza and Doma put together.

"I guess good littles get spoiled don't they" Daki laughed and started tickling you.

"HAHAHA AUNTY STOP" Y/n laughed.

"Awwwww you called me aunty! You're the cutest little to ever exist" Daki put her sash around her and made her fly in the air. Doma was cheering it on while Akaza felt like he was gonna pass out.

"Me and Kokushibo have finished the nursery" Nakime announced.

"I wanna see aunty!"

"Then let's go"

"PUT HER DOWN FIRST"

"WOAHHH I WUV IT" Y/n started running around the room and looking at things. It was HUGE! Everything she could have possibly dreamed of.

All the excitement of the day must have tired her out becasue Y/n yawned and rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"Looks like it's nap time for you. Can I help you get changed sweetie?" Daki asked. She nodded to tired to say anything. Daki looks through your wardrobe of outfits and sees a cute white onsie with pink sleeves with cute pink designs on it. She takes it off the hanger and then gets a pink paci out of a pacifier box. She figured you might need a diaper so she grabbed one of those too.

"Alright cutie let's get you changed!"

Daki helped you get your clothes off and slipped the diaper underneath you making sure to tape it tight but not too tight of course. She guided each one of your arms and legs into the correct holes and buttoned it up.

"Say ahhhhh" Daki cooed as she held out your paci.

You opened your mouth and she put the pink paci in your mouth watching as it bobbed in and out of your mouth. Daki tucked you into your crib and put the gates up.

"Goodnight cutie" Daki whispered as she shut the lights and closed the door .

"How was she sis?" Gyutaro asked.

"She was good! Poor baby was too small to even get her pajamas on by herself" Daki replied to her brother.

"Aren't you the cutest little thing!" Doma cooed at you as you were sleeping in your crib cuddling with your stuffed bunny he got for you earlier.

He carefully picked you up from your crib causing you to stir a bit but he shushed and bounced you to calm you down.

"Shhhh you're okay"

Doma snuck you out of the infinity fortress and went to his temple where his followers were quick to greet him.

"Lord Doma who is that girl?" A male follower asked.

"This is my little friend Y/n! All of you better treat her nicely or else" Doma replies with a threatening smile. His followers shivered and quickly nodded. Doma sat on his throne with you on his lap sleeping peacefully. Doma can't remember the last time he felt emotion but when he looked.at you he felt his heart rate increase and warm by how precious you were.

"I'll always keep you safe little one" Doma whispered and held you closer.

"DOMA!!!"

Doma heard Akazas yell before he kicked down the door waking you up in the process.

"Akaza you woke up the little one! That can't go unpunished can it" Doma smiled but Akaza could tell he was mad. He placed you on his throne before he charged at Akaza attacking him. Doma was slicing him with his fans while Akaza kicked his jaw off.

Y/n was crying not wanting her friends to fight. The two were so focused on beating the others ass they didn't notice her running out of the room. She made her way out of the temple and ran into the forest.

Kokushibo appeared and slammed their heads in causing each of their skulls to Crack.

"Where's is Y/n" Kokushibo asked ready to kick the shit out of the two again.

"Shes right th-" Doma pointed but stopped when he realized you weren't there anymore.

Kokushibo grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into a wall breaking it.

"You idiot! Muzans child could be anywhere by now and it's entirely your fault"

Akaza stepped in.

"Kokushibo I'm sure I can find her leave it to me"

He nodded and threw Doma across the room.

By now you made it to a small town where you could smell delicious udon. You followed the smell until you were infront of a delicious udon restaurant.

"UMAI"

'dat noodle must me nummy!' Y/n thought and waddled her way into the restaurant. Looking around she saw a man with orange and red hair eating what looked to be his third bowl of udon. Before he could shove more noodles in his mouth he saw you staring up at him in fascination.

Rengoku has only met one little before and their little age was 8. But he figured your little age was really young based on your onsie and paci.

He got up from the table and walked over to you crouching down to your level so you'd feel more comfortable.

"Are you lost little one? Where's your caregiver?" Rengoku asked worryingly. Y/n started to cry, scared she'll never see her caregiver or her aunts and uncles again. This moment made Rengoku so happy he was a classified Caregiver.

"There's no need to cry little one! I'm sure your caregiver is looking for you right now! Let's see if we can find them" Rengoku held out his hand for you to take. You were a little hesitant but he understood it must be hard for you to trust a stranger so he was patient. Eventually you smiled through your paci and grabbed his hand.

Rengoku asked nearly everyone in the town but nobody knew who you were or who your caregiver could possibly be. By this time you could hardly keep your eyes open. You held your arms out to Rengoku wanting him to carry you. He happily obliged and held your form in his arms.

"I'll take you to a friend that can look after you until we find your caregiver"

You nodded and drifted off to sleep

𝑻𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒐 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒔

•Gyutaro and Daki think of you as a baby sister

•Kokushibo was secretly really worried about you

•Akazas hate for Doma grew

•Doma originally wanted to get close to you to piss off Akaza but ended up getting attached

#fandom agere #agerereader #little!reader #little space #knyagere #kny agere #demon slayer agere

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goldammerchen · 18 days ago

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0:30, I was only able to make a messy outline. Made me realize I'm not quite sure about what I'm doing for this fic, that (and being sleepy) explains why I feel this one is hard to write. Still hope to force myself to finish it soon lol.

This part actually will have characters that aren't only Lud's siblings.

friday. lud worried about having to call gil to give him the bad news about him and the rest being late for his birthday party for stupid work reasons. remembers the birthday of 10 years ago… it at least can't be as bad as that one, right? that tbf didn't go too bad but sticking too much to the surprise factor and making gil believe nobody was coming really hurt him.

(optional: something something older people getting more sensitive, gil already was bad at emotional regulation. now less aggressive but at times melancholic af)

(except that one birthday party 10 years ago, the /entire/ family mainly shows up only for things such as lud 'birthday' (german unity day), but talking about the ger bros/siblings: like lud with his laender during the divition, gil became close-knit with the eastern laenders during this -especially bc he kinda didn't want to be the gdr… for once the fam acted like a fam. besides, during the 90s gil became closer / rekindle his relationship with the the city states*, the ones involved with the order foundations, bremen and lübeck -ex-city-state-, and hamburg -berliner and {check notes} hamburger friendship……… are you kidding me) (some of these info will go in the notes not in the fic).

"The fraternity which preceded the formation of the Order was formed in the year 1191 in Acre by German merchants from Bremen and Lübeck. After the capture of Acre they took over a hospital in the city in order to take care of the sick and began to describe themselves as the Hospital of St. Mary of the German House in Jerusalem."

https://www.tumblr.com/goldammerchen/749124335737995264 (esp)

https://www.tumblr.com/goldammerchen/749317860825989120 (eng)

calls gil, tells him about going to arrive late. gil who goes from staying quiet, to just flatly saying that he needs to go to his other birthday party.

lud: whaaat??? (internally: wtf)

as og post says, gil correctly predicted that lud would freak up a bit, and tells lud that he was gonna tell him later. gil says he's going to send him the address, and ends the call before lud can say anything.

lud receives the address of the bar(-restaurant) direction, "bring more people". lud tries to call again to ask how many people, gil doesn't reply, none of the calls in plural, from ludwig and the others.

fuck, this is like 10 years ago…

initially he wanted to go alone to the bar, despite gil instructions. couldn't say no to: fran, toño, feli, erzsi, and rode. some non europeans might arrive later. /wait too many people already :(, im not even done.

it is already night when they arrive to the place (multiple cars lol but they tried to use less). the bar-restaurant has some rainbow decorations in its interior, and while entering they easily can hear some of gil's laughs (lud: phew).

at first glance the group of friends surprisingly compared to probably everything before the 20s? doesn't consist in only men. at least one full table. there is though a contrast in the clothes style of the group, more skin, shiny makeup, or leather or a bit of latex, to common street clothes with nothing ; most likely friends from gil varied interests, but they seem to be getting along, good job from the extrovert host. (meanwhile, varied age, average probably 35-40).

('oh shit' moment bc they are actually using at least 2 tables. at least 2-3 convos going) (maybe gil or gil's friends invited too many)

human friends (might be left vaguer to makes things easier): leather daddy boyfriend, other leather daddy? (older?), femme cosplay/ren faire girlfriend, butch girlboy, anthro teacher (future roomate), gamer couple? throple? (girl is cooler bc is gothic), old (men) couple? fuck i forgot the punks (2? 3?). AND the state cities + bran. and now the euro countries. omggg help, would be more if all the online friends attended, help: i need to be 1 table and 1/2 for the countries (also think in the online only friends). p.s.: more androgynous friends? gil is the butch bilesbian right there. okay that's masc but a bit of a mindfuck doesn't that count.

as soon as gil sees them he gets up and brings attention to them (the only one sliiiightly mortified is rode, gil is too LOUD LOOK AT THEM!!!!)

nation-people seeing all these friends (even if level of closeness most likely varies), have some mixed feelings. happy, and totally not jealously from the people hugging or touching gil on the arms, or leaning on gil, nor from having a neat group (also i have a post somewhere about gil having a less micromanaged life than them). the most important thing is that gil isn't at home 24/7 waiting for ludwig.

the nation-people group speak with the city-states plus bran? one of them being slightly angry about them being late, insinuating that before things got going(?) gil mood was dispirited.

i actually didn't plan the ending before hand, i usually do. mm some thoughts about not knowing gil as before, kind of having his own life now, even having underestimated how much he has going(?). bittersweet :))), for the heta-people, gil is mostly fine.

(related, same i mentioned before too) https://www.tumblr.com/goldammerchen/745425620545224704/i-like-the-idea-of-gils-friendslike-the-other

Fic to finish "tomorrow" (half done!). Temptative title:

Same birthday, two decades

199X birthday: Ludwig said that the plan was a bad idea. Not the time for it.

200X birthday: After some news, Gilbert does the unexpected, yet expected.

[AO3 link]

I. 199X

The commotion of several people climbing the stairs of the house made Ludwig imagine dreadful scenarios, ones that weren't fitting of a celebration—however, he was aware that the group's intentions were slightly wicked...

Of course, this would only work if their target didn't wake up. Those who were left confident in the target's ability to sleep like a log were hushing at each other, this soon turning into smacks being exchanged on arms. Ludwig huffed, and glared at those who couldn't start something like this for at least five minutes (five minutes!)

They opened the door, Ludwig staying behind the rest. The man under the bedsheets didn't show any signs of having been awakened, sleeping on his side, breathing deeply—good. Everybody (except Ludwig) was smiling while the second person who entered the room moved closer, holding something in his palm. He stopped right next to the pillow; muffled snickering could already be heard in the room.

Splat, all of the sudden Gilbert's face was under aluminium. Flash, someone took a photo with his instant camera. Cream was around his head, on his pillowcase and sheets—he's not going to be happy about that, and maybe either about the photo.

"Happy birthday!" the group exclaimed, one after another, failing to said in unison. Embarrassing, but also making the moment funnier.

But Gilbert didn't move—is he that angry about the mess? He's supposed to like pranks.

The youngest of all the siblings, Ludwig, grumbled. I told you all this was a bad idea, this is the last idiocy he needed. Not the right time for something like this.

"Ey, Gil...?" said Wolfram, who moments ago was holding the cream pie. It was him or Michl, and nobody agreed on allowing the Bavarian to do it, fearing an actual fight. So they allowed the Saxon, who now, after shuffling his feet, kicked empty glass bottles. Oh—he looked at who opened the curtain to get them closed them again.

(Ludwig looked outside, thinking in that he didn't see his brother sneaking anything to his room last night).

Gilbert pushed the foil pie pan to the side, and started to remove cream from over his eye.

"Everyone I called said that couldn't come..." murmured Gilbert, with an aggrieved tone of voice. Then, he ate the cream, so he couldn't be that angry, right? No, he would've done that anyway...

"I'm sorry, we wanted to give you a surprise..." replied other of the siblings.

Ludwig huffed again. Someone tried to give Gilbert tissues, but he smacked the hand away, not too hard—he was in fact moving as in slow motion, up until he sat on the bed and threw some of the cream at Wolfram ("fuck!")

"You still could’ve surprised me, fuckers."

"I told them this was a bad idea," said Ludwig, “I should’ve told you, even if…"

"Ludwig." Gilbert interrupted his brother. He left on his face the cream he was about to remove.

"What?"

Gilbert walked towards Ludwig, who stayed in place, frowning, confused. Only when Gil was too close the younger brother realized what the older schemed.

"No!"

Too late, Gilbert lunged at him, trapping him in a hug. "Ludwig~!" Gilbert rubbed his sticky face on Ludwig, who soon stopped trying to push away the centuries old birthday boy, returning the hug.

Laughs again. One of the siblings notified Gilbert that "we're going to change your bedclothes!"

"You better!" exclaimed the bed owner.

Cleaning, showers, and a painkiller for the hangover headache later, the dining table was ready for breakfast, that usually was eaten at the kitchen table. They sat Gilbert in front of a cake with many lit candles, that would have had more if Ludwig didn't stop the ones in charge of that—"are you trying to burn his face off?!"; Gilbert cackled when he heard that, saying that maybe that was exactly what they were trying.

Once everybody was ready, they counted to 3...

As they sang Happy Birthday, the smile on Gilbert's face faded—although he chuckled at everybody saying something different for his name: brother, kid, Gil, Gisel, Gilbert, Bert, Prussia, GDR-Shit-Gilbert, while he half-expected a Saupreiss. But, by the time the song was over, he was holding his hand closed in front of his mouth, his chin behind trembling.

Thank you, Gilbert whispered, before switching both hands over his face, forgetting about blowing off the candles. Without saying a word, Mark (Bran) offered Gil his shoulder. In the meantime Ludwig stood up from the table, to stretch his legs, too angry with most of them and with himself.

Fuuuck, cursed Gilbert on his brother's shoulder, I need to get my shit together before the others get here...

II. 200X

[The gist of it here. Not waiting or having the same expectations...]

[Psst: #postwall + #i am aiming for the heart]

#hws prussia #hws germany #i am aiming for the heart #fic wips #outlines/drafts 🪶#hetalia #(now the search pulls posts from reply posts too. mute hws aph hetalia if needed!)#DELETE LATER

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miiilowo · 3 years ago

Text

DAMIEN LAVEY HAS ADHD AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this started out as a headcanon because i noticed some similarities between how he and i act. but the more i play the games the more shit crops up. heres my evidence, in no particular order. also spoilers for both games i guess

-he doesnt have object permanence

.(if you dont know, people w adhd struggle with object permanence. it isnt like 'the door closed! the rest of the house isnt there anymore! i forgot about it!' but more like 'i left this important item in a drawer and it will never cross my mind until im moving house and find it')

- run on sentences

lots of us, myself included, struggle with having run on sentences all the time. apparently it has something to do with impulsivity and making careless mistakes, but those kinda go hand in hand anyway. i talk to this mf in game a LOT and the amount of times he just goes 'and' instead of making a new sentence is uncountable

- infodumping (what im currently subjecting you to)

damien has stuff he likes. stuff he likes a lot, especially compared to other characters. ive had a good handful of interactions with him where he tells me about a topic he likes for. quite a few paragraphs

- hyperfixations

THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS HYPERFIXATED ON DOLPHINS AND NOBODY CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE GODDAMNIT. in monster camp, theres an event where he brings up watching dolphin documentaries, and invites other people to watch them with him. he also says hes gonna make dolphin shaped cookies. and thats the type of stuff i do when im hyperfixated on something-Ill consume content of it, try to get other people to enjoy it with me, and surround myself with that thing in any way possible, even if it means making dolphin shaped cookies.

also, while other characters have things they like, nobody so far (that ive noticed) likes something as much as he likes knives and fire. and ON that dolphin thing, in the first game, his death is predicted as including an 'unusual amount of bottlenose dolphins'. so. idk he probably wanted to see them and did something stupid to get to them

id also like to note his obsession with how much he hates the sun and wants to eradicate it. not sure what youd call that but it sure is something

- RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)

damiens whole thing is that hes this toxic masculinity riddled asshole, but that personality is kinda put up as a facade. while that definitely is part of how he is genuinely, he DOES intensify it to please other people-And when thats challenged, or he shows his soft side in any way (that he tries very violently to hide) he gets super defensive. it basically plagues him and he thinks about it way more than he should, so much so that itll trigger a route where hes trying to prove how cool he is-after the other characters call him soft for liking dolphins and wanting a non-violent comic for once.

he cant even enjoy his interest in drag and makeup without feeling like he has to defend himself or be intense about it sometimes. (moss mann also says he makes flower crowns when nobodys looking, but its moss mann, so take that with a grain of salt, i guess)

hes also pretty intensely focused on trying to prove himself as a master survivalist, which is based off of the fact hes sheltered. he does not want people to perceive him that way, evidently

-impulsivity/recklessness

i dont have to explain this one. its damien

-his hatred for math

this experience might not be universal, but for me personally, adhd makes it SUPER fucking hard to do math. im bad at keeping track of things and remembering them, and paying attention without getting distracted, and he seems to have that same issue

- he interrupts people. thats it thats the whole bulletpoint

MISC

unfortunately the whole fidgeting/moving around thing is hard to prove because of the games style. he does enjoy sports and is pretty competitive, though, and i know my adhd fucks with how competitive i am (again, might not be universal, but i have that issue)

A lot of stuff im looking at also says that easy anger and irritability are things people with adhd can struggle with (i can back that up w personal experience) and damien DEFINITELY HAS ANGER AND IRRITABILITY ISSUES

anyway. thats just about everything i can remember right now. this is mostly based off of the second game because ive been playing that one more and its fresher in my mind. if u have any other evidence, give it to me, i will HAPPILY take it. anyways this image is relevant again

EDIT: adding this persons tags because . yeah

#monster prom #monster camp #damien lavey

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levantea · 3 years ago

Text

Day 7 | hyunjin *ೃ༄

╰┈➤ 14 ways to say”i love you” series

Pairing: hyunjin x y/n

Genre: slight angst at the front, fluff, senior junior rs, crush

Rating: G

Warning: none

Word Count: 1.8k

⇢ ˗ˏˋ prompts: 49 — “call me when you get home” + 51 — “are you sure?” + 74 — “we can share” + 96 — “i brought you an umbrella”

The scene of 3 couples sitting infront of you makes you feel awkward. You considered rejecting the offer of gathering with them, but your 2 best friends pleaded you to come along as it has been 4 years since all of you reunited.

You were never jealous of their stable relationships. Instead, you felt very happy and proud for your best friends to be able to find their loving partners throughout the past years and came to where they are now. However, you thought that you are mentally prepared to accept the view. Alas, you still feel your heart pierced when you are the only single entering the VIP room.

The thoughts of getting attached seem appealing, but whenever someone express their interests for you, you still ended up rejecting them and decided to stay alone.

Was it because of your previous relationship that hurted you badly? Was it because you had regrets that you don’t wish to repeat them again? Or was it because of your lost in faith in guys that caused you to shun when they approach?

Maybe, you were too hurted to bring up the courage and enter a new relationship.

“Y/n? Why are you standing there daydreaming? Come in!” your best friend Kayne walked up to you, pulling the lonely figure and the rest waved at you. You awkwardly put on a smile and waved back, sitting in the middle of your best friends who are engaging in a talk with their partners.

How awkward can it go.

Fortunately they were sensitive enough to notice your discomfort, they turned their attention towards you and asked about your wellbeing.

You have been busy, busy working, busy studying, busy spending with your own that you can’t even spare a time to go on a date. Previously they tried to set you up with a few of their mutuals, but it led to no outcome and you didn’t bother trying anymore.

“Y/n, you need a partner i swear to god, you can’t be living single forever and nobody is there to support and love you, it doesn’t hurt to try again right?”

It hurts, it definitely hurts. The courage to bring yourself infront of a guy, expressing your love, pouring everything for him is huge. Worst, you can’t even predict how fast their feelings will fade and leave you as if you didn’t existed, pushing all the blames on you that you didn’t love them enough. Your ex did it. He lived up to the literal term of ‘toxic ex’ which shattered your fragile heart to pieces and avoided all kinds of opportunities that were infront of you.

You are scared, extremely scared that the same old drama will happen and once again pushing you off the cliff. It already took you long enough to get over the past, how many youths do you have to keep going on with this toxic relationship cycle that don’t go anywhere but getting all wrecked.

“I’m not focusing on relationships now. I priortise my wellbeing more…and i don’t have the time for that,” you replied monotonously while plastering a bitter smile on your face, having them to turn silent before changing to a lighter topic.

The whole meal was rather enjoyable and you felt nostalgic as you see them sitting beside you, how much they have grown and matured which makes you feel blissful. The awkwardness you had earlier was long gone and you are already anticipating the next one.

“Thank for today guys, especially y/n, it has been really long since we met and im glad you are doing well, update us again and we shall meet next time!” one of your besties gave you a tight hug, following by another before leaving the lobby in pairs.

They offered to send you home but you feel bad for being a third wheeler and you are certain that they would like to have some personal time with one another, so you kindly rejected by saying you had to go to a nearby mall to grab some groceries.

After they left, you left the lobby and to find the sky is pouring and you didn’t have an umbrella. You checked your Grab app and got a shock by the surge in price, cursing silently at how they have the cheek to charge such absurd amount.

Should i just go to the bus stop thats a few metres away from the restaurant?

But i will get drenched…

But that’s better than paying for that crazy amount right?

I’ll just quickly get home soon as possible and pop a panadol later.

You stuffed your handphone into your leather sling bag, ready to use it to cover your head and dash to your destination. As you are about to run, you felt a firm grip pulling you behind, ended up falling into someone’s embrace as you can clearly feel the toned muscles beneath the shirt.

You are pissed at the person who did that and wanted to lash at him, but the moment you turned around, you were dumbfounded with your words as you saw someone who left the strongest impression in your head standing right infront of you.

“Hyunjin sunbae?” that’s the only thing that came out of your mouth as your eyes quickly skimmed top to bottom, confirming that the person is real and not your delusion.

Your heart that has not been racing for anyone since that incident started to revive again, at someone whom you had a huge crush on when you were in high school. Sadly to say, you graduated without confessing your feelings and ended up dating someone who treated you badly in your university, resulting your regret in choices.

However, the odds of you getting accepted by him is minimal, what makes you think that you will be able to get together with the latter infront of you now?

“Yes, long time no see, didn’t expect to see you here…” he flashed his signature alluring smile that used to take all hearts away, even now. You felt yourself staring at him for a fair bit before shifting away, acting as if you were looking somewhere else to hide your shame.

“Oh right… yea it’s been-it’s been quite long…did you have something to tell me? that’s why you know… you pulled me from running haha…” you stuttered between your words as you find yourself getting tongue-tight whenever you see him. This old habit of yours never changed which caused the older one chuckling.

“I pulled you back because i saw you were about to run towards the bus stop under the heavy rain and i brought an umbrella… so i wanted to ask you if you want, we can share?” he raised the item from his left hand, scratching the nape of his neck as he asked shyly.

You looked at the black hair guy who stood taller than you, feeling new when you see this side of him that he never showed it in school once. He used to be extremely cold to everyone, showing his poker face unless towards his friends or you.

You had a rather good senior-junior relationship because both of you were in the Art Club, and he was the President then. Art was never one of your choice but you somehow ended up in there and your life changed after you met him. You started to love art, photography, things that are more lighthearted as compared to sports which was one of your favourite hobby in the older days.

He was someone you really looked up to and you wanted to become like him — smart, charming, talented, opinionated, anything about him.

“Ah, i see…but are you sure? Won’t your girl-girlfriend be angry or something?” you raised your eyebrows and asked carefully, observing if there is any slight change in his expression but to your surprise, he smiled and replied, “i don’t have a girlfriend y/n, and yes i am sure because i need to take the bus too.”

You nodded vigorously and apologised that you misunderstood him, followed by accepting his kindness to fetch you there.

“The umbrella isn’t exactly big so i guess we need to be closer, if u don’t mind, can i hold your hand?” he pushed the button to expand the umbrella, and you laughed at how the umbrella is supposed to serve 1 person but you both had to squeeze in it.

There’s no other choice right?

“Oh, okay,” you took out your palms, soon feeling the warmth from his radiating to yours, giving you more heat from this rainy and chilly weather. As you both were walking towards the bus stop, you aren’t able to differentiate if the heat was from his palm or from your palpitating heart that pumped excessive blood to your cheeks anymore.

You felt like you fell in love all over again, with a crush that you had not met for long, and that feeling is still vigorous as ever.

Was it fated? You both ended up taking the same bus but his stop was 1 before yours. You both chatted for abit until his stop came, but he said he wants to send you home first before returning to his. Feeling bad for him to take that extra mile, you said you are grateful enough if he just send you till a sheltered walkway and you are able to take it from there.

“It was a nice conversation y/n, i was still telling my other friends about how i miss the times when we were in high school and i had this favourite junior but we lost contact. Thankfully we met today again and let’s catch up another day,” he initiated to hug you and you felt amazed by how you don’t retaliate physical contact with guys anymore. Strangely, you felt at ease when you are in his arms, that you don’t even experience it with your ex.

“You missed me?” you asked softly on his chest, as you felt him nodded and hiding his head in the crook of your neck.

“To say miss is an understatement…call me when you get home,” he whispered softly into your ears, hands traced over yours before watching you leave.

Your hands were over your heart on the way home. It has been really long since you felt burning passion in you and the desire to be with someone.

Maybe it was fate who letted the both of you meet in your younger days. Maybe it was fate who letted you to face relationship downfall so you realised who is the one you love the most. And maybe, it was also fate to let the both of you reunite again kickstart a new path beyond the label of ‘senior’ and ‘junior’.

It can be more than that.

-> Network: @thesunshineshop @koffeenet @ficscafe

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theyarebothgunshot · 4 years ago

Note

this is exactly how it went down in my head.

misha: hey, everything okay? do you need me to do something?

jensen: no, lay low. we’re figuring it out.

misha: got it.

— the next day —

misha: things settled. should i say anything? draw attention? stay neutral?

jensen: you don’t have to, but if you want, tread lightly. we’ve had enough chaos.

misha: say no more.

when nobody got your back you KNOW dmitri got your back.

ANYWAYS i turned my back for TWO MINUTES and y'all went the fuck off in my inbox so, you know the drill: more under the cut

NO BUT JENSEN’S RESPONSE LMAAAAAO honestly fallout theory is so on oh my God I can’t stop-

on god they are so loud like-

Worst damage control i've ever seen. god bles.

so true bestie

I think Jensen probably just wants to be done with this petty little drama, so if he has to pretend everything between them is okay he is going to be the bigger man and lay it to rest. Whatever is going on between them he definitely doesn't want to sort that out on social media and the earlier he pretends everything is sorted out the earlier people will forget about it again.

Also it's kinda funny how J*red Tweet was like implying they had a misunderstanding but still talk to each other regularly, while Jensen went full on the we grow apart a little bit, because we were busy, let's catch back up. Makes me wonder if they actually talked or if there managers just said hey that's not good pr, let's put that to rest. Also did J*red know before yesterday that they had a falling out or did he just not realize.

- 🐌 anon

literally jensen went out of his way to say 'uhhh we never talk, worstie' god if pr management is involved then they did a bad job. also j*red still does not realise they have fallen out. jshfjdsfh

Jackles was like God bless but we ain’t talking like this worstie

good for her.gif

csdsc heeft gevraagd:

All I need now is for Misha to tweet “ is it safe to come out now?” And I’ll be complete lmfao 😂😂😂

that would have been better than what we got lmfao

I have one fear and it's Jensen being forced to add j*red to his show and his other projects because he couldn't stop whining like a baby,,, ugh i hate him

i pretend i do not see

Kinda selfish of me tbh but i don't want them to be "friends" again, Jensen sweetie run as fast as you can

co-signed

Ok Jensen's answer to Jared tweet made me feel so bad for him. Like, I can see it's damage control and public relations (obviously) but there's stuff behind it. I can't name it, but idk, I felt terrible for texas man this time, I don't think that reply was written with a "love and light energy" or even without much care. I felt some heavy vibes.

- 🌻, who is now a fortune teller and a prophet apparently

yeah i feel hella bad for him to, for having to deal with this shit. nonnie please if you ever have anything to predict, lemme know sjdfhs

You know Jensen's tweet has the energy of like kindergarten wenn an other kid started a fight with you and the kindergarten teacher wants you to forgive each other and hung it out and you really don't want to, but your kindergarten teacher is being annoying and he isn't worth the annoyance either.

- 🐌 anon

you are not wrong

Incredibly thankful that I have the day off from work 😂 I'm with hatching chick anon, the 3 dots read as passive aggressive/insincere to me, and I love it! I haven't spent this many hours on tumblr since I first discovered cockles! (On a side note, the lack of fimmf posts today has me feeling like it's not friday lol) -🐢

i, too, miss fimmf but alas things happen, they do they do they do

I was right. :(

It got almost romantic...

👀

nonnie you know i love you but this is really not the case, like, at all??? idk how you could look at those tweets and think it was almost romantic. it was THEE most scripted, pr bullshit ever. it was staged and fake. idk what else to tell ya

Danneel liked Jensen's tweet

i saw

That is so so awkward I feel so sorry for all of us being exposed to this and so happy I chose to leave the Internet for half a day - tea anon

god bless your stance on that cause i would have hated missing out on this lmao

You know what? I think it’s okay being a 38 year old moron if you’re bringing us this type of content

im happy with the food but still think its not okay tbh

pspspsps Misha this is the perfect day for you to drop the gay Cas essay pspspspsp it is still pride month pspspsps

you know you want to king pspsps

So that JIB6 link (I think it was from your post, right?). I went and watched that bit, and a little more.

Jensen makes a comment about Jared being first on the call sheet because Sam was supposed to be the main focal character.

And that him nor Misha cared about what number they were, so in all that time it never changed.

And I’ll be… if that just doesn’t perfectly sum them up and their feelings on things. And how a certain someone can be petty… 🦚

idk if it was from my post? but maybe? my analysis probably? but yeah things are making more and more sense huh

Ohh that's also an alien? Welcome to the extraterrestial family then, purple alien anon!

Also it's probably because I'm coming off the high this drama gave me but I'm not looking forward to them trying so hard to convince us everything is normal between them. Even though we now Know, they will have to keep pretending. Today (yesterday?) was a shitshow but some masks fell off, at least for a moment and I kinda wish Jensen was less professional 😂

👽

oh for real, fallout theory IS confirmed and nothing they said today will change my mind, it only made me believe in it even more lmfao and with that in mind i am just gonna sip my tea if they try to be buddy buddy on main again

I THINK MISHA UNRETWEETED BUT HE TWEETED "LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH" I'M LOSING MY DIGNITY HERE - tea anon

yeah he now answered them sjdfhsjfhsf instead of rt

MISHA COLLINS IS A KING I STAN THE RIGHT MAN

YOU SURE DO

I just know Misha’s process was oh crap I have to let people know I’m supporting them and I can’t choose sides. Ok. Retweet. NO. Delete. I love both of you. Yes, good.

sjdfsdfh this makes me think of that post that dissected jackles' birthday post for misha where he used the heart. 'call him bro, that makes it less obvious. nailed it.'

Lol I'm off for a few days and come back to total chaos... God I missed it here

Like the "et tu... #bravo" tweet? Made my day! Frikking hilarious (every time I see it I picture J*red with a pissy frech accent saying it out loud lol) it's just such an incredibly petty hissy fit he threw (I know he tweeted more later on but... Really all that stuff coming afterwards just sounds like damage control)

Missed you Rose

-🐻

LOVE the french accent detail im gonna do this too sdjfhsjfh missed you toooo!!!!

Oh man Misha is really gonna get hate for that I KNOW IT

sigh well. nothing he isnt used to by now, unfortunately

i mean i believe they feel like brothers, but constantly falling back on the “brother” thing to keep up appearances is really starting to feel like “#spnfamily” at this point.

honestly brothers can be very annoying, or so i have heard, so it fits with the fallout theory lmao

They actually said if we’re gonna make this gay we cannot have Jar*d Pad*lecki involved

oh my God this is the funniest timeline to ever exist God bless I’m just waiting to canon bi Mary

king shit tbh

#snail anon #csdsc #sunflower anon #turtle anon #eyes anon #tea anon #peacock anon #alien anon #bear anon #THAT WAS A LOT #anyways next time im just gonna spam you all fsfsgdsgd

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winterscaptain · 4 years ago

Text

in line.

Aaron Hotchner x Male Reader

request from anon: Thank you for sharing your writing on here! A blurb idea, because I hardly see any male readers, is that maybe Hotch has figured out he’s attracted to men too and has a boyfriend? Someone Hotch can go home to and be taken care of by them, someone Jack trusts? Because hotch spends all his time caring for the team, his s/o really spoils him with affection and TLC. I’m really soft for that idea, and the team being real pleased he’s found someone who appreciates him again. Hope you’re doing well! a/n: i wanted to give this a little more attention than a blurb, so it turned into a Whole Thing™ words: 2790 warnings: swearing, some drinking, derek being charming, and emily prentiss: patron saint of The Gays™

i don't have a specific male!reader taglist yet, so i added all yall on my gn!reader list, so nobody would miss this! lemme know if you wanna stay on the male!reader list or not - you’ll never hurt my feelings :)

masterlist | requests closed!

Aaron came home to all the lights off save one, illuminating a little scene before him - dinner (still hot) on the coffee table, a glass of wine, and you, holding the remote ready to start a movie.

He smiled, set his briefcase down, and slipped his shoes off.

“Jack’s at Jess’s,” you said, before he could ask. “I thought it would be a nice surprise to spend the evening, just you and me.”

He crossed to the couch and sat down, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “It’s a great surprise, thank you.” You grabbed his tie and tried to pull him down on the couch, but he pried your fingers off and laughed. “Let me change and I’ll come sit with you, alright?”

You picked up your glass of wine and tipped it his direction. “I’ll be here.”

It was true. When he returned and dropped down next to you, you were waiting for him. When he was firmly settled with dinner, you started the movie.

After a while, you asked, “Did the case go okay?”

He nodded. “We got ‘im. I had to stay and make sure the DA had a strong enough case, otherwise I would have been home yesterday.”

You leaned into him, and he wrapped an arm around you. “I don’t mind. Jack and I went out for a bike ride yesterday and didn’t miss you at all, not even a little.”

Aaron laughed. “Good.”

+++

“Damn it.”

Aaron forgot his lunch. He could see it in his mind’s eye, sitting there next to his travel mug of coffee on the kitchen island. Pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, he had just resigned himself to a takeout lunch when his phone rang.

“Hotchner.”

“Babe, you left your lunch here,” the light amusement in your tone dissolved his sour mood, and he smiled despite himself.

“I noticed.”

He could hear you shuffling around in the background as you spoke. “I’ll swing by and leave it downstairs after I drop Jack at school. No more than an hour, okay?”

Aaron smiled and sat in his chair, leaning back. “What did I do to deserve you?”

You laughed. “Absolutely nothing. I’m just a sucker for charity cases.” There was a shuffle, and you heard Jack laugh. You were probably at the table, poking the kid in the ribs until he almost got sick with laughter. Before Aaron could respond again, you said, “Alright, love you, bye!” and hung up.

Aaron rolled his eyes and got to work.

True to your word, no more than an hour later found you at the front of the Quantico Federal Building, Aaron’s lunch and coffee in your hand. You’d never seen the inside, but you knew you were on the visitors list.

Fuck it.

You checked in, got your visitor’s badge, and made your way to the sixth floor with only a little bit of spatial confusion. You knew which bullpen was theirs immediately - you had yet to meet the team, but you’d seen pictures and heard enough stories to keep track of names and faces.

You quickly stepped through the glass doors, doing everything in your power to avoid directing too much attention to yourself. But alas, Aaron worked with profilers, and they all noticed you despite your best efforts.

JJ’s head shot up. “Is that -”

“Hotch’s travel mug? Yeah.” Derek squinted at you as you took the stairs two at a time up to your boyfriend’s door.

You knocked, and a crisp “Come in” sounded from inside.

Aaron couldn’t hide his surprise when you poked your head through the door, stepping in and closing it behind you. He stood, circling the desk and leaning against it.

Boundaries were important to him at work, you knew, so you refrained from untoward affection, stepping back to a respectable distance after you set his things next to the file on his desk.

“How’d you get past security?” He asked, and you knew it was a joke.

“I guess they’re letting just about anyone in, these days.”

Aaron nodded, in facetious consternation. “Looks like it.” He broke after a moment, offering you a small smile. “Thank you. You didn’t have to come all the way out here.”

You shrugged. “Wasn’t too hard.”

He glanced out the blinds. The entire team averted their eyes, bumping into each other in their haste to look busy.

You followed his gaze. “It’s okay, Aaron. Don’t feel pressured to introduce me to any of them - I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.” There was a little swoop in your stomach.

Did I overstep?

He sighed. “I know. You didn’t. It feels a little...ridiculous to be hiding anything from them after all this time.” He reached out, and you took his hand, still a couple of steps away. His eyes stayed on your linked hands as they swung a little between you. “I don’t mean to hide you from them.”

You squeezed his hand with a warm, small smile. “I know.” And you did. It was big for him - explicitly and obviously coming out to his team was bound to be terrifying, and to add a new person on top of that?

I don’t envy him.

Meanwhile, down in the bullpen, everyone was taking turns reporting back on what was going on behind the blinds.

“They’re holding hands, and not in a handshake way,” Emily said, covering her face with a folder as she looked up.

JJ chanced a look. “He’s been a lot less uptight recently.”

“He’s also not coming in as early. His arrival time is, on average, about thirty-seven minutes later than five months ago.”

Emily looked at Spencer like he’d grown another head. “You keep track of when we come in?”

Spencer didn’t look up from his book. “Of course.”

“I’m glad he has someone,” JJ noted lightly. “It’s good for him.”

Back up in the office, you took a step toward Aaron. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, my love.”

He huffed a laugh and ran his thumbs over your knuckles. “Come to Dave’s the next time we all get together.”

“Really?” Your eyebrows felt like they were going to meet your hairline they shot up so fast.

“Yeah. They’d love to meet you.”

Your brow furrowed, confused. “How do you know?”

He shrugged. “They’re very predictable.”

+++

Needless to say, Aaron was right. They politely, pointedly, and casually posed questions about Hotch’s lunchtime visitor until he wasn’t able to avoid them anymore. Thus, he invited you to Dave’s the next time the team had a night off.

You were excited, but admittedly a little nervous. You were all headed to the car, Jack (very carefully) carrying the brownies you’d made that afternoon.

He was chatting away, telling you stories you’d already heard, about JJ and Emily and Derek and Spencer and Dave and Henry and etc. etc. etc.

You loved that kid.

When Aaron pulled up to the house, Jack jumped out of the car and walked through the front door like he owned the place. It made you laugh.

Aaron looked over, a fond smile on his face. “What?”

“Jack. He just -” you made a vague gesture with your hand - he just goes and goes, and Aaron laughed.

After a moment, you two sobered. He reached for your hand, and you laced your fingers with his.

“They’re going to love you. You know that.”

You snorted. “I certainly don’t.”

Aaron kissed the back of your hand and covered it, so two of his hands were holding one of yours. “Are you ready?”

“Are you?”

He patted your hand twice by way of an answer, releasing you and opening his door. You followed suit, waiting for him on the sidewalk.

When you actually looked, you realized how truly massive Dave’s house was. Aaron had told you he was well-off, with his book royalties and other savings, but the beautiful and tasteful mansion before you spoke to a bank account that had eight figures, rather than six.

Aaron stepped forward and offered you his hand. You took it. He led you up the flagstone path and through the front door, opening it without preamble.

The foyer was beautiful, opening to a staircase, the living room, and some kind of den or parlor off to the side. Aaron led you to the kitchen, where a statuesque woman with dark brown hair was mixing a drink. Emily.

She turned when she heard you enter, and a wide smile broke out across her face. “Hi!”

You dropped Aaron’s hand and offered it to her. She shook it readily, and you found yourself mirroring her smile. “Hi. Emily, right?”

She nodded, and spared a glance at Hotch. “Hotch, you know it’s polite to introduce guests.”

He huffed in good humor and gestured pedantically as he spoke. “Emily, this is my boyfriend, Y/N. Y/N, Agent Emily Prentiss.”

You were very impressed by his lack of hesitation over the word boyfriend, as it had been a topic of discussion in the past.

“It’s so juvenile. I feel like I’m in high school.” Aaron chuckled, staring up at the ceiling with his hands laced behind his head.

You rolled over onto his chest. “I can’t be your partner - you’ve already been a lawyer and I would hate to confuse people. You’re the one with a juris doctorate, not me.” You rested your chin on his pec, giving just a little more weight than was necessary.

He dropped one of his arms, and you scooted up to fit nearly under it. “Is it at all weird to have a boyfriend in one’s forties?”

You shrugged. “I think it’s whimsical.”

“Oh yeah, that’s me.” He laughed. “Whimsical in the extreme.”

Emily’s voice was warm and genuine when she told you, “It’s a pleasure to meet the person who keeps him,” she jabbed her index finger at Hotch, “in line.”

You laughed, the anxiety melting little by little. “Bold of you to assume anyone can keep him in line.”

She snorted. “Don’t I know it.”

Hotch crossed his arms over his chest. “Guys, I’m right here.”

“And?” You and Emily answered simultaneously.

He shook his head with a smile. “C’mon. If you want to continue making fun of me, there’s plenty of ammunition out back.”

You offered your arm to Emily, and she took it daintily. “Such a gentleman.” She looked over her shoulder as she started walking you to the back patio. “How’d you snag this one?”

“Apparently, he has a thing for charity cases,” Aaron deadpanned.

A few pairs of eyes flickered to you when you stepped out, and Emily’s hand squeezed you reassuringly. You already loved her.

Hotch came up to your side and grabbed your hand as Emily stepped away, stopped by two men who had to be Derek and Spencer (who needed a mediator for some inane, hair-splitting dispute they were having).

A couple who you assumed were JJ and Will smiled at you as you approached.

“JJ, Will, this is Y/N.” Hotch said, a little more confidence in his voice than before.

“I’m the boyfriend,” you supplied, and JJ laughed.

“I’m so glad you could make it!” She leaned close to you, and you dipped your head to listen. “We’ve been asking about you since you stopped by a couple of weeks ago.”

You raised your chin in a knowing fashion as you leaned back, once again including Hotch and Will in the conversation. “Ah, I see. So there’s lore?”

“Definitely.” She pursed her lips in mock solemnity.

You matched her facetious tone. “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

JJ broke then, smiling at you once more. “I never make that mistake.” Just then, a little blond boy ran up to her, attaching himself to her leg. She automatically put a hand on his head and gestured to you. “Henry, can you say hello to Mr. Y/N? He’s a really special friend of Hotch’s - like Miss Savannah is to Derek.”

“Hi.”

You crouched to Henry’s level, offering your fist. A look of satisfaction crossed his face as you bumped fists, your hands exploding out of it (with sound effects). “It’s so nice to meet you, man. Were you playing soccer over there?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Jack’s really good but he lets me get goals.”

“Wow.” You raised your eyebrows. “That’s really nice of him, and I bet you learn a lot, too.”

Jack called Henry from across the yard, and he offered you one last adorable grin before sprinting off. You rose, checking in with Hotch as you did so. JJ and Will were distracted watching Henry for the moment, so they missed the awe that crossed Aaron’s face for just a moment.

Your eyebrows pulled. What?

He shook his head. Nothing. But there was something there. Something fond and altogether content.

You heard Emily come up behind you before you saw her, so you turned as she approached with Derek, Dave, and Spencer.

You offered your hand first to Derek, and shot a smile to Spencer. Hotch had warned you before you left the house that Spencer didn’t shake hands.

“Nice to meet you, man. Derek Morgan.” Morgan’s grip was firm and warm. “Emily was just telling me I owe you a thanks for reminding Hotch he has a sense of humor.” Derek’s smile ate up his whole face as he beamed at you. It very nearly stole your breath - he was stunning, and smart. The way he phrased his introduction made it unnecessary to re-introduce yourself, and you were sure that soothed whatever remained of Hotch’s anxiety.

Hotch’s deadpan was decidedly dry. “Funny.”

That’s a good sign.

Spencer was quiet, but there was a little smile playing at his lips. He looked just over your shoulder, and seemed to communicate with someone behind you for a moment. It was only the barest changes in expression, but you’d been around Aaron long enough to know a silent conversation when you saw one, no matter how subtle. The outcome of the conversation looked good, as Spencer stifled another smile and looked over at Hotch.

You then offered your hand to Dave, who took it in both of his. “It is so good to finally meet you.” He shot a sly smile at Hotch. “I was beginning to wonder if you were a figment of my imagination a couple weeks ago.”

“I promise I am very real,” you said with a laugh. “It’s so great to meet all of you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“All bad I hope,” JJ chirped from over your shoulder as she approached.

You nodded. “The worst.”

Aaron kissed your temple as the rest laughed, and you could feel the small smile resting on his lips. He sure was smiling a lot tonight, and you couldn’t help but feel a little proud that you had a lot to do with it.

A woman you could only assume was Penelope bounced up and swooped under Derek’s arm. “What did I miss?”

Hotch laughed (he laughed!) and introduced you. “Y/N, this is our tech analyst Penelope Garcia. Garcia, this is Y/N.”

Instead of a handshake, she just got out from under Derek’s arm and gave you a hug. You relaxed right into her.

She let you go after a second, but kept her hands on your upper arms. “I am so glad you’re here. I’ve been hoping someone would come along and snag our fearless leader before too long.” She winked, and it warmed you.

The rest of the evening flowed smoothly, eventually moving to the living room, and then to goodnights. Everyone wished you a warm goodbye, and Dave kissed you on both cheeks before letting you go. Jack was apparently spending the night at the Jareau-LaMontagne household, so you and Aaron were alone on the drive back.

You relaxed into the seat as he sped along the highway, his hand locked in yours across the center console. “That was really fun.” You looked over at him, finding less tension in him than you’d ever seen before. “Your team is incredible.”

“I know it. They’re the best at what they do.”

You kissed the back of Aaron’s hand. “I’ve heard it helps to have a great boss, or so Penelope tells me.”

He huffed a little laugh through his nose. “She is the authority on such things, as I understand it.”

The car was quiet for a few minutes.

“I - “ Hotch cleared his throat, but his gaze never wavered from the road. “I can’t tell you how much tonight meant to me.”

You squeezed his hand. “It was nothing.” You were lying, and he knew it, but at the end of the day, you’d do anything for him.

He smiled, broad and genuine, and you decided then that Aaron’s joy was your favorite sight in the whole world.

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @wandaswitxh @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @saintd0lce @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @gublergirls @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @vintagecaptainspidey @micaiahmoonheart @ogmilkis @thatreallyis-americas-ass @marvels-agents100 @newtslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @joemazzello-imagines @pinkdiamond1016 @sebbybaby0 @lilsiswinchester @pan-pride-12 @hotchlinebling @lee-rin-ah @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @emmice9 @nohalohoseok @giveusbackourbucky @writerxinthedark @mrshotchnerrossimulder21 @bauslut @yourlovelynewsbian @sparklingkeylimepie @aili28 @kingandrear @reader4027 @spnobsessedmemes @rogers-mouth @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @hotchnersgoddess @buckybau @phoenixfyre374 @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandi-ass-prentiss @songbird400 @dontkissthewriter @ellyhotchner @a-dorky-book-keeper @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @ahopelessromantic @violentvulgarvolatile @swiftiesparkles @andreasworlsboring101 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @bwbatta @roses-and-grasses

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #hotch #tali writes fanfiction #tali answers stuff #anon reply #tali talks cm #male reader

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alistair-blackwood · 4 years ago

Text

writing update! so for the last few weeks ive been slowly working through the companion piece for fell in your opinion and its almost complete, with about 3-ish pages of editing left. it’s a pretty dense scene, though, so im giving myself permission to shelve it for now and take a short break to reboot. between that and momm (the next chapter still around 50% complete), it’ll be a good while before anything’s ready to be posted :’(

in the meantime, here’s the opening scene from the companion piece, as a treat~

fallen out of favor and fallen on my face

companion piece to fell in your opinion, Jon POV

Preview word count: ~1k

It proved difficult to watch Martin walk back to the cab stand, alone. Should Jon have insisted on accompanying him, in case it started to rain again? Is that what a good boss would have done?

Not that Jon would know anything about that. Good boss, feh. His only template was Elias and, well, that was fraught with its own tension.

It just didn’t sit right with him, watching that lone figure shuffle down the corner on the rain soaked pavement.

And maybe … maybe he also wanted to spend a little bit more time with Martin. Soak in the colour of his eyes, equal measures vulnerable and … concerned.

With that thought came a flushing face and a stomach churning with embarrassment and shame. Jon buried his face in his hand, massaging his temples. The streetlights were doing nothing for his headache.

Jon knew the sort of person he was: Irritable, unfriendly, impatient, argumentative. He’d accepted it, leaned into it, even. It made things easier, after all, knowing how people will feel about you in advance, so why bother going off script?

And yet, despite all that, Martin said he still should have a cup of tea in the morning. Deserved it, he’d said. Jon didn’t feel like he deserved much of anything these days, much less …

Just get to the dishes already, Sims.

Scooping up the plate, he flipped on the sink and watched as it filled with hot, soapy water. His finger tapped the edge of the counter, teeth gnawing at his abused bottom lip. There was nothing else for it.

In the very beginning, he’d assumed the tea Martin would bring was an effort to butter him up. Get close to him so as to better keep an eye on his work. Those were early days, when Jon had thought Martin to be working for Elias as some kind of spy, to go blabbing the moment Jon inevitably made a horrible mistake.

Those assumptions, however, were dashed when it had been made abundantly clear Martin had been even less qualified for his current position than Jon.

Even when he’d realized Martin wasn’t some spy, he still assumed the tea was for something. Maybe to make Jon more forgiving to all of Martin’s obvious mistakes, which only served to increase his own workload, barely treading water as it was. Absurd, in hindsight. Why would Martin continue to bring him tea for all those months when it obviously did nothing to ease Jon’s ... temperament?

Of course, it had just been standard courtesy. A friendly gesture, from an amiable man.

Jon … didn’t react well to people being friendly with him. A learned habit from the struggles of childhood, maybe. He thought he’d gotten better after the extensive efforts of Tim and Sasha back in research, but apparently that hadn’t been the case. And, in the cold, impersonal halls of the Institute, no one went out of their way to be kind to him, not without reason. Even with Tim and Sasha, the close proximity of their work required that they get along, although he’s certain they’d argue otherwise out of politeness.

Jon preferred things that way. It meant nothing was expected from him. Nobody was disappointed.

Jon was Martin’s boss; they didn’t have to get along with each other. So then why …?

Because he’s kind, you knobhead.

Dumping the dishes into the hot water, he flipped off the sink and yanked out a sponge. Fat load of good that realisation does him now; not after all the things Jon’s said and done, the things he can never take back. He could prattle off excuse after excuse, but that wouldn’t change the fact that, at the end of the day, he’s just an arse.

Jon’s shoulders sagged. Why hadn’t he realized sooner? Why hadn’t he figured out Martin was trying to be nice to him?

It’s probably the only thing you eat all day, anyway, right? Martin had said. Couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.

His eyes had been so resolute, so determined to care about him, despite everything.

All these months working so closely together and, somehow, Jon never realized the colour of his eyes were an almost opalescent shade of brown. His smile–

The dishes clattered into the sink, his face burning.

Christ, he was so predictable. One small gesture or hint of affection had him falling headfirst.

With Georgie, it had been the return of his collectible nekojima pen after a maths class. Had set a personal best record for himself for that.

The problem was when he fell so fast and so hard he cracked his head at the bottom of the swimming pool, and there was no one around to fish him out of the water.

Not that any of that mattered; Jon would be lucky to salvage any kind of amicable relationship at all.

Leaving the dishes to dry, Jon pulled out his phone. It was nearing 1 AM; Martin had said he lived in Croydon, hadn’t he? Surely, he must be back by now? Searching through his contacts, he squinted. Had he never saved Martin’s number? He could have sworn …

Oh. He hadn’t saved him under Martin. Just Blackwood.

Taking a shuddering breath, Jon struggled to compose his message (Are you–? Have you made it–? Do you think we can–?) before sending a succinct,

>Did you get home safely?

He probably wouldn’t get a response for some time. Martin likely wasn’t chomping at the bit to hear from him.

And yet, a few moments later, his phone chimed.

>yeah

Oh.

>Good.

Maybe, though … Maybe things could be different this time. Maybe Jon can put his trust in someone else’s kindness for its own sake.

Maybe Jon could be better.

Even though the work loomed high, bearing its weight down on his thin shoulders, Jon decided it would be better for everyone if he actually got some sleep that night.

#tma #man this has been a crunch #gonna feel real good once all this gets out there

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sugarcomatosed · 4 years ago

Note

i love your stories so much!! and was wondering if you can give some writing tips perhaps? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Breaking this up into sections for you + putting it under a cut cause I went overboard. 😅

General Writing Tips

These work for both academic and creative writing.

Make an outline.

It doesn't have to be a formal one, but having at least a general idea of the scenes you want to include is helpful. If I know my fic is going to be a longer one (like Don't Hesitate was and my current WIP is), I break down the larger story beats i want to hit on a piece of paper or my iPad.

It's good to know what you're planning to do, in a any piece I usually have a single specific scene I want to do and depending on what it is, I might either just do the scene I want to or turn into something longer.

Draft, draft, draft.

I cannot stress the importance of going through and reviewing your work. This is a big part of any sort of writing.

Your first idea isn't always your best idea. As you work on a piece you might find your original idea is holding you back, focus shifts! Don't be afraid to let your work change as you go. It's not always easy to let go of your original idea but if you find it's not working, you have to let it change. Sections will need to be rewritten, things have to be readjusted to fit with later sections. Reread for clarity while you're drafting and look to see if this makes sense to you, or reads well to you. If you can't follow it and you wrote it, chances are your reader can't either. Did you use the same phrase again and again? Find and search it on your doc to double check.

Sometimes you have to cut things you really like because they just don't contribute to the fic anymore. Save those bits and use them somewhere else!In a lot of my longer pieces I will write a paragraph, realize that's not where it should go and cut/paste it into another part of the doc because the pacing/scene doesn't make sense where I had it originally, but it works somewhere else.

If you're stuck, skip around, come back and then stitch the bits you have written together.

Don't Focus on a Word Count

This might be controversial, but I'm of the opinion just because something is longer does not make it better. Some works are short, and that's okay! I very rarely try to aim for a specific count of words unless it's for a prompt exchange or a personal challenge. I write till I feel the piece is done. Some stories require more words, some require less.

Don't Hesitate is a great example of this again, because all I wanted to do was a bittersweet first kiss fic, but jumping write into the kiss wouldn't get the full effect I wanted. Meanwhile, with Old Habits all I wanted to do was write dumb comedic kisses, we didn't need a 2k preamble.

Get Someone You Trust to Edit

My go to editor for the past six years or so is one of my good friends. She has edited everything from college papers to my fics for me before I post them to read for clarity, find any funky phrases or misspelled words I missed, and I do the same for her when she asks! A fresh set of eyes makes a world of a difference. Find someone to trade fics with or ask a friend! They might have good suggestions you never thought of, or be able to tell what you were going for when you don't even know yourself.

I also rely on my friends a lot to brainstorm and talk my ideas out before I start because it helps me think and figure out what I need. It's super common for me to text someone and say "im gonna spitball at you, that okay?" and then spend twenty minutes chatting through my ideas.

Have Reference Material

For my 13sar fics, I regularly go back and review/screenshot videos of the dialogue to make sure I am staying consistent with story events, character nuance and small details. You don't have to go crazy, but it is really helpful to have your source material to go back to and check yourself against. In non creative writing I always had a pile of papers highlighted with my own notes on the margins.

Take Breaks/Pace Yourself

Know your own limits, and if you are working and working on something and it's not coming out leave it alone and come back to it. I'm really bad at this personally because when I get an idea in my head I want to see it through but sometimes you gotta step back! It's not healthy to keep working on things and overwork yourself. Stretch, get up go for a walk.

Write What You Want to Write

Don't focus on what people want to read. Focus on what you like. Find a topic, a scene, anything that you are passionate about and the rest will follow. The only time I write fic for other people is when I am writing for a friend. Even prompt requests I only take open ended ones, if I am not interested in writing it it's not gonna happen. I know it's super hard and I get really anxious sometimes about letting people down now, or worrying people won't like something but then I step back and remind myself this is a hobby and I'm doing it for fun.

Play to Your Strengths

You shouldn't try to write like me, you should try to write like yourself. Find what skills you have and use them to your advantage!

I can't give you a step by step list to write like me, because nobody in the world has my background! We're all unique. Everything I've listed so far I know because I'm not a beginner anymore! I'm in my twenties and have come from a strong academic writing background.

I took on an intensive course load in high school, and then went onto college for a sociology degree. I very rarely had test based finals and at the end of each semester would have five 10-15 page papers to submit. Straight up some of my skills come from having read and studied the works of anthropologist Clifford Geertz. I am not saying you should read anthropology/sociology texts. Unless you like that sort of thing lol

I also have 6+ years of theater experience (acting & directing), I use this all the time for my writing. When I think about a scene, I think about how I would work through it as an actor, how the character would move, and how would things read to an audience. The GOTE ("Goal, Obstacle, Tactics, and Expectation") method of acting by Robert Cohen is really useful hear if you want a more technical breakdown of what I mean by that.

This leads to a lot of what we called "business" in acting, doing small tiny things while you talk or move around on stage to give the sense you're a real human. I don't have to think or try on these sort of things because they're in my skill set already!

Things I do Personally

As in, these are not transferable skills this is just the stuff I do while working on projects.

Find a Vibe™️

I come into any fic with usually a goal I want to hit, a line of dialogue or something I want to capture. Just like, the general idea of a feeling a song even if the lyrics don't match up. Make a mood-board, a playlist, just find something you wanna do. It's less about the actual words on the page and what you're aiming to do.

Look to things that inspire you

Don't Hesitate got written because I wanted to write a fic that captured the same vibe as a scene in Macross Frontier, where two characters have a bittersweet kiss before the final battle and that scene still has me fucked up six years after watching it.

My current WIP is doing the same thing but with the song All I've Ever Known from Hadestown. Two characters working through loneliness, the sudden feeling of falling in love and the frustration that feeling can bring on sometime.

I don't plagiarize them word for word, but these are scenes that inspire me! I also patchwork quilt ideas together. Using Don't Hesitate again, I also ended up pulling from a bunch of shoujo anime, Toradora, Sailor Moon, Yona of the Dawn, Princess Tutu...specific scenes I enjoy to blend and create something new.

Goof Off While You Write

I name my documents stupid things, I write dumb placeholder dialogue or vague sentiments like "insert better word here", I make memes when I'm struggling and roast myself and my predictable tastes.

I spent twenty minutes texting a friend Juro's name with different letters spelt out and then the "fuck your chickenstrips" vine saying it was Juro during destruction. Just have fun with it!

Listen to J-POP On Loop for Hours at a Time

i am not kidding I do this all the time. Perfume, AKB48, anime idol osts, Sailor Moon's OPs/ED, vocaloid songs. I like technopop and Japanese is good because it usually doesn't distract my brain since I only know random phrases, but still know what the meaning og the song is.

I love music, it helps me vibe out.

Thank you so much for enjoying my work ;o;

I hope this is useful to you in some way! I'm so sorry it's so long winded but I am overly thorough and love to teach people ;w;

#sugar speaks #sugar writes #okay to reblog

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vennilavee · 4 years ago

Text

parental moments - one

to build a home masterlist

attack on titan masterlist

check out this story on ao3

Pairing: levi x reader

Summary: a modern au where you and levi both work for the Survey Corps, a non-profit organization with a mission to help the youth of the Underground District. this is a series of moments where you and levi act as parental figures to the new hires of the survey corps.

Chapter Warnings: alcohol, eren gets roofied and descriptions of being drugged

Word Count: 3876

A/N: decided to write levi and reader as being parental figures to the new hires of the survey corps. i know nobody asked for it BUT IM WRITING IT. these will come once in a while lmao. pls read the warnings before reading. can be read as a stand alone

***

Levi had fallen asleep before you for a change. He’s draped over you, face pressing into your chest and hair plastered against your neck. His heartbeat is a steady symphony against yours, nearly pushing you back to sleep but not quite.

You groan and rub your eyes, suddenly awake and your heart racing. What had even woken you up?

Oh yes. The sound of your phone ringing and cutting through your peaceful sleep.

Your heart is hammering from the sudden intrusion as you fumble over your nightstand to try to find your phone. Levi will certainly wake up and complain- he’s such a light sleeper and you want to curse whoever is calling you at this ungodly hour for daring to wake a man who has trouble sleeping as it is.

It’s Armin calling.

Gently moving Levi off of you as discreetly as you can without disturbing him, you answer, worried that something has happened. He hardly ever calls you, and never this late.

“Armin? Is everything okay?” You murmur, clearing your throat of it’s hoarseness.

The shouting and bustling in the background gives you an inkling to his whereabouts. You can vaguely make out Mikasa’s strained, concerned voice.

“I know it’s late- I-I’m so sorry,” Armin slurs, “We went to a bar, and Eren’s so out of it and we don’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to call, everyone else left-”

“Slow down Armin,” You say, getting out of bed and tugging some leggings on. You splash some water on your face to wake yourself up and grab a hoodie.

You can already see Levi sitting up, eyes narrowed in annoyance before shifting to neutrality.

“Armin,” You say firmly but gently when he starts rambling, “What bar are you at?”

“Um- We’re outside of The Atomic Bar. We can barely hold Eren up-”

“Armin! Listen to me. One of you go back inside and get water for Eren. Make him drink lots of water and make sure he stays awake. I can be at The Atomic in fifteen minutes,” You say and dread begins to fill you.

You can almost predict what had happened, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stomach. The Atomic Bar is known for it’s creepy patrons and you wonder why they chose to go there. Armin blubbers his thanks and you tell him that you will call him when you’re close to the bar.

When you turn around, you see Levi pulling a hoodie on and searching for his shorts to pull over his boxers. You walk over to him to fix his messy bedhead and he just shoots you a look.

“You can go back to sleep, honey. I can handle three drunk kids,” You murmur, already knowing he would dismiss the idea.

“And leave you to deal with them on your own?” Levi scoffs.

“You’re sweet,” You grin, kissing his cheek, “C’mon, let’s go. Armin sounded scared.”

Levi brings a few water bottles and snacks in a backpack, just in case, as well as some blankets. You speed through the city, thankful that it’s not as busy as it usually is. After all, it’s nearly 3 AM on a Friday night. Or Saturday morning.

“The Atomic is so gross. I can’t believe they’re still in operation,” You mutter, “Remember the first and only time we went there?”

Levi isn’t fond of the memory- recalling how you had convinced him to go there with you many years ago and then the night had ended with you nearly getting roofied by the bartender no less. He recalls how he had nearly launched himself over the bar to shove his fist into the bartender’s face, but you had held him back of course. The bartenders and most of the patrons were creepy and in cahoots. You both had tried your hardest to get the place shut down, but your complaints had fallen on deaf ears.

He squeezes your hand and looks out of the window.

“I see them,” He murmurs and you hastily find a parking spot.

***

Mikasa is trying to force water down Eren’s throat while nearly shouting at him to stay awake. He has a dazed sort of smile on his face, his vibrant, green eyes glassy and wide. It seems like he’s staring through Mikasa and it unnerves her.

“She’ll be here soon. He’ll be fine,” Armin mutters to himself.

“Who are you trying to convince?” Mikasa says dryly and whips her head to Eren when she notices him closing his eyes, “Eren! You have to stay awake-”

Armin narrows his eyes at the two shapes from across the street. He realizes it’s you and Levi jogging towards them and he waves to get your attention.

“They’re both here,” Armin sighs in relief.

“Eren,” You say softly, holding him upright against the brick wall, “I need you to do something for me.”

“Eh?” His eyes are out of focus but he gasps in recognition when he sees you and Levi.

“Eren,” You murmur urgently, “Drink this water for me. You have to stay awake.”

Levi already has an uncapped bottle of water ready for him and you take it, pushing it towards Eren’s lips. To your surprise, he chugs the entire bottle in one go and you sigh in relief. He gives you a startlingly bright smile.

“Our two captains…” Eren mumbles. He tries reaching for you but misses your shoulder by several inches.

“We should take him to the urgent care,” Levi says, tossing the water bottle into his bag and moving to lift Eren up to take him to the car. Levi lifts him easily and doesn’t bat an eyelash when Eren’s arms flail at the sudden movement.

You nod and gesture for Armin and Mikasa to follow you to the car. The bustle of the bar hasn’t calmed down yet, and you have half a mind to tear into there and demand to know who was responsible. You saw the flash of near murder in Levi’s eyes, too. You know you’re both on the same page.

“Put him in the back. Armin, you sit in the front. Mikasa and I will stay in the back with Eren,” You instruct, hastily opening the back doors.

The pull of fatigue has washed away quickly and is replaced by grim alertness. All you see is the alarm in Armin and Mikasa’s eyes and the haunting emptiness of Eren’s eyes. You’re certain he’s been roofied, but don’t want to jump to conclusions until he sees a doctor.

You gingerly adjust him so that his head is in Mikasa’s lap. You pretend not to see Mikasa brushing his hair from his eyes.

“Soft,” Eren mumbles.

You would laugh if you weren’t so worried. Mikasa’s dark eyes find yours and you squeeze her forearm reassuringly. Eren curls into Mikasa and holds her upper arm. You make sure to keep an ear out for his soft but steady breaths.

“Almost there,” Comes Levi’s voice from the front. He meets your eyes in the rearview mirror and you nod at him.

“Have some water and snacks,” You murmur to Mikasa and Armin, “I’m sure it’s been a long night.”

***

The sun is beginning to rise, giving the sky a faint glow before she makes her full ascent by the time you all leave the urgent care. You can tell Mikasa and Armin’s adrenaline is wearing off from their wide yawns.

The doctor had stated that a small amount of GHB was found in Eren’s system and had advised that he sleep it off and stay hydrated. Your shoulders had slumped in relief but Eren’s eyes were still as glassy as ever. You ruffle his hair fondly before you help them into the car and drape blankets across all of them.

Before Levi gets in the driver’s seat, he presses a quick kiss to your lips and casts a lingering look over you.

You’re all tired. But relieved.

“Look at the sunrise,” You whisper, lazily looking over to Levi once you’re both in the car. You take his hand in yours and kiss his knuckles absent-mindedly. Pretending you don’t hear the hitch in his breath.

Splotches of oranges and purples paint across the sky, illuminated by the golden glow of the rising sun. It’s a new day, a new morning and you can’t help but smile at it.

“You’re unusually chipper for being up all night. I know how much you value your beauty sleep,” Levi says dryly, an undercurrent of teasing in his tone.

“Yes, and my prince charming is always there to wake me up from my sleeping coma,” You say, enjoying the twitch of his jaw.

“Shut up.”

You stick your tongue out in response.

***

Levi is tasked with taking Eren to your apartment, while you’re tasked with waking Mikasa and Armin up. You gently shake their shoulders to rouse them, Mikasa’s dark eyes spring open and she nearly headbutts you.

“Mikasa, it’s just me. We’re home. You three will stay with us and sleep,” You say softly.

“No- We’ll be fine,” Mikasa protests.

“Let us take care of you, honey. It’s been a long, scary night,” You say soothingly and she relents, her shoulders relaxing.

Armin starts waking up from his sleep and you offer him a small smile. He looks confused for a moment, before recalling the night's events. With a sigh, he rubs his face and drags himself out of the car.

“Thank you for everything,” Armin says earnestly.

“It’s no problem, Armin. I told you, if you guys ever need anything, that’s what we’re here for,” You murmur, patting his head. The same way Levi does.

“Where are Eren and Captain?” Mikasa asks warily.

“Levi took him inside already, don’t worry,” You murmur, rubbing your eyes, “C’mon. We all need to sleep for a bit.”

***

You hand Mikasa some of your own comfy clothes and hand Armin some of Levi’s sleep clothes to change into. They wash up quickly, just washing their hands and their faces before you usher them into yours and Levi’s bed. The couch isn’t big enough for the three of them to comfortably sleep.

You’re grateful that Levi had just washed the sheets last night. Levi looks at you and you know he’s thinking the same thing.

Fatigue washes over you after you tuck the three of them in and Levi leaves several glasses of water and a garbage can next to them before closing the door and allowing them to sleep.

With your favorite big, fuzzy blanket in hand, you gesture for him to join you on the couch. Your eyes are drooping, they’re barely open and he knows you’re barely hanging on to consciousness. You’re both already changed out of your outside clothes, as Levi calls them. He draws the blinds all the way back so that the sunlight doesn’t bother either of you.

“Levi, honey,” You say hoarsely, beckoning him to you.

“Yes, sweetheart,” He mumbles and settles next to you on the couch. You both have to maneuver yourselves carefully, so that Levi doesn’t fall off or that you don’t get a stiff neck. You end up sleeping on top of Levi and you try to stay awake until he falls asleep. But with the brush of his lips over your hairline, you’re already drifting to a deep sleep. Your hand curls around the collar of his shirt, your grip barely loosening even as you sleep.

Levi is grateful when sleep comes easy for him, too.

***

It’s about three hours later when you wake up, and you’re surprised to see Levi still sleeping. His grip around your waist loosened in his sleep and his head is turned towards you. You resist the urge to trace the planes of his face and to rake your fingers through his hair, knowing he’ll wake up if you do. You settle on pressing a light kiss to his forehead before getting off of the couch to brush your teeth, shower, and start making a late breakfast for everyone.

You’re quiet and quick as you get ready, eager to throw on fresh clothes after your shower. You sneak in and out of your bedroom and your bathroom with practiced precision.

But you know that it was only a matter of time before Levi woke up. He’s sitting up on the couch, running a hand over his face and through his hair.

“You’re up before me,” Levi says as you sink into his lap and play with his hair.

“Crazier things have happened,” You roll your eyes. He hums and noses at your neck, enjoying the lavender scent on your skin. Levi tries to kiss you but you turn your cheek.

“There are three guests who are currently sleeping in our bed,” You hiss, “Don’t get any funny ideas.”

“They’re in our home and I can’t even kiss my other half? In our own home?” Levi asks incredulously, “As if I need their permission.”

“They don’t need to-mmmph-”

Levi cuts you off with a kiss, and really who were you to protest the soft feel of his rough lips against yours? You’re in your own world with Levi, giggling as his fingers skim your skin from under your shirt and squeeze your thighs all while his lips are on yours. He’s about to press kisses down the column of your throat, when he hears the sound of someone clearing their throat.

You send him a glare that could kill him before clumsily climbing off of his lap. Levi looks unashamed, of course.

“Er,” Mikasa says and Levi snorts in response.

“I was just going to-uh, start making food for us,” You say sheepishly.

“Oh, is that what that was? Did you find breakfast in Captain’s mouth?” Mikasa says dryly and your jaw drops in shock.

Your jaw drops even further in shock when you hear Levi laugh. You turn to meet his gaze and he can’t help but laugh again at how horrified you look.

“Stop making fun of me,” You groan, rubbing your face, “You gonna get up off your ass or what, Levi Ackerman? Go give Mikasa some toothbrushes for her, Armin and Eren. And go check on Eren, too.”

You’re busy, in the process of making a simple but effective breakfast, complete with smoothies made from fresh fruit. You barely notice Levi come out of the bathroom with wet hair, and you definitely barely notice him until he wraps his arms around you from behind. But you immediately recognize his touch and the way he molds into you and you relax. Reaching behind you, you fondly rake your nails in his hair as a greeting.

He pulls away quickly, equally not wanting the three of them to see more than they need of your sweet touches. The familiar scent of his earthy shower gel wafts into your nose, lingering and kissing your skin.

“So domestic of you,” You tease as he sets plates for everyone. Levi shoots you a glare with no real heat behind it and you laugh.

“I’ll make tea,” Levi says, “What tea do you want?”

“Uh. I’m good with whatever you’re having,” You shrug and he nods.

As you finish up breakfast, you bump hips with him and he responds with a flick to your forehead each time.

“I’ll go check on Eren,” You murmur, lightly scratching his back, in between his shoulder blades.

You knock on your bedroom door and softly tell them that you’re coming in. You hear Armin and Mikasa murmur an acknowledgement.

“Good morning,” You say with a smile, “Did you sleep okay?”

You look to Eren, who is in deep sleep and doesn’t look like he’s waking up any time soon. You sit on the edge of the bed, next to him and watch his chest rise and fall reassuringly.

“He just needs to sleep it off,” You murmur and Mikasa and Armin nod, “Breakfast is ready. I set aside some for Eren when he wakes up.”

***

You’re midway through your plate of breakfast when you hear shuffling coming from your bedroom. Mikasa hears it too and you lock eyes with her, heading into your bedroom together. Eren groans, holding his head in his hands. His eyes are focused, no longer glassy and dazed.

“Good morning, Eren. How are you feeling?” You ask carefully, unsure of what he remembers.

He looks confused as he stares at you, and then Mikasa, then back to you. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tries to remember what happened last night. Mikasa touches his elbow gingerly, and he gasps.

“Eren,” Mikasa says softly.

He looks at both of you with slumped shoulders, helplessness scrawled in his eyes.

“How-why… What happened?” Eren groans, rubbing his temples.

“You were roofied, honey. Armin called me and Levi and I came to get you three and take you to the urgent care. They found traces of GHB in your system-”

“That drink was meant for me,” Mikasa says, voice shaky, “It was meant for me and you drank it. I was watching- the bartender mixed them up. And I didn’t realize until it was too late. It was supposed to be mine.”

“But… nothing happened. You got to me before anything did,” Eren says slowly, “I’m glad it was me, rather than you, Mikasa.”

You see tears in Mikasa’s eyes as her bottom lip begins to tremble and decide that’s your cue to give them space.

***

Armin heads into the bedroom as well once he hears Eren and Mikasa softly speaking. You nod at him and he excuses himself. You stand next to Levi, grasping his shoulder.

“Mikasa said that the drink was meant for her. Not Eren,” You whisper, a forlorn look on your face, “That place is awful. Poor Eren. And poor Mikasa. Nobody should be subject to that. Or fearful of that happening.”

Levi runs a thumb over your knuckles and hums, thinking back to the time you had almost been roofied as well.

“We’ve got to do something about that place,” He murmurs, voice barely above a breath and his grip tightening over yours.

Eren steps out with Mikasa and Armin in tow, looking unsure of himself and uncharacteristically nervous. You offer him a reassuring smile and open your arms for a hug. You rub his back and hold on to him for a few moments longer, hoping he soaks up your warmth.

“Breakfast is ready,” You murmur, “You’re safe here, Eren.”

He nods against your shoulder and pulls away. Levi offers him a cup of hot tea, knowing that it would give him some energy. Eren closes his eyes for a moment and enjoys the feeling of the hot tea warming him up from within.

“Sit, Eren,” Levi says, nodding to Armin and Mikasa.

And so he does.

***

“I’ll drive them back,” Levi murmurs, taking the car keys out of your hands, “Sleep. You’re tired.”

“So are you,” You point out, nudging his shoulder.

“You’re useless when you’re this tired.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, honey.”

Levi hums and pecks your cheek. Armin, Mikasa and Eren emerge with their things, also eager to sleep in their own beds. They thank you once more, for rescuing them and giving them food and a place to sleep. Before Eren puts his shoes on, he abruptly gives you a tight hug and mutters another grateful thank you. You give Armin and Mikasa a hug, and tell Levi to drive safely.

The apartment is oddly quiet once they leave and you start to clean up, washing leftover dishes and sweeping the floors. Armin had washed their dishes without you asking and you hadn’t missed Levi’s neutral expression as he watched. Only you would be able to tell that he was impressed at his initiative.

His skill in washing dishes was another story, but Levi said nothing.

You quickly clean up the kitchen, humming a song you can’t remember the name of as you do so. You laugh to yourself as you recall the first time Levi had complimented you on your cleaning. It held the same weight to you as him calling you pretty, to be honest. Once you finish up the kitchen, you head to the bedroom to fix the sheets and pillows and straighten out the blankets.

You decide to change into a grey muscle tank and bike shorts, getting even comfier if that was possible. Your legs carry you of their own volition and you find yourself tucked into your side of the bed. You had been sure to shake the sheets out and fluff out the pillows, as you and Levi always did on the occasion when you had guests over. Levi prefers to wash the sheets right after anyone other than you or him sleeps in them, but you’re just so tired. And he had just washed them recently.

You welcome sleep with open arms.

***

The car ride back to Eren, Mikasa, and Armin’s apartment building is quiet but not uncomfortable. Mikasa had recently moved into the same building as them, opting for a single bedroom apartment.

They’re all lost in their own thoughts for the moment and Levi casts a glance at Eren. Eren is staring through the window, chin in his hand and green eyes swimming.

“Oi,” Levi says, “It’s not your fault. Armin called us in time. It’s not your fault that people are so shitty.”

Levi pointedly looks at both Mikasa and Eren when he sees a flash of guilt on Mikasa’s face.

“Just don’t go back there. We’ve had bad experiences there, too. It’s a fuckin’ shame they’re still open…”

“Yes, sir,” All three of them chorus.

Levi says nothing the remainder of the drive, leaving them to their own devices. He arrives at their apartment building relatively quickly, unlocking the doors for them to exit.

“Oi,” Levi calls from the driver’s seat once they’re standing on the sidewalk, “We have your back. Sleep well.”

They nod at him with small smiles, tittering noises of gratitude and Levi waits for them to go inside.

He relaxes in his seat as he drives home, thoughts filled with nothing but you.

***

Levi calls your name softly, unsurprised when he’s greeted with silence and a pristine kitchen. He’s not particularly tired, but he wouldn’t mind joining you for a nap. He’s certain he’ll find you in bed, under a mountain of covers.

His suspicions are correct. He washes his hands and climbs into bed next to you, aware that you’re half awake. You’re a light sleeper, like him. Or maybe because of him.

Reaching out to touch his face, you curl into his side and wrap an arm around his waist. Your lips press against his neck, a breathy sigh of his name escaping you.

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart,” Levi murmurs.

“Everyone okay?” You ask, voice hoarse with sleep.

Levi hums and rubs your waist from under your tank. Your eyelids feel like cinder blocks and you’re unable to keep them open. And how can you- when Levi is so warm? You sink your cold toes into the spaces in between his bare calves before shutting your eyes.

He kisses your forehead and watches you, as the scent of lavender and wood lulls him to sleep as well.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi x you #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman #aot #snk

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