#which would go horribly from the start and therefore be peak

[bambiraptorx]

new variant of STEM au where I just chuck stem au Stockman into 2003 canon and see what he does there

[purplecoffee13]

NFWMB - part 1

Summary: “Harry is a retired boxer who owns a gym and teaches self-defense classes. He considers himself a strong man, but when a gorgeous innocent woman attends a try-out class, she manages to leave him weak in the knees…”

Wc: 4.3k

Tropes: boxer!Harry x innocent!reader

Warnings: mentions of violence and SA

A/N: hello everyone! This is my new series NFWMB, named after one of Hozier’s most horny songs😄. I am so incredibly excited for this series omg it’s gonna be so good!!! If you don’t believe me, go listen to NFWMB and you’ll get a vague idea of what’s coming ;)

P.S. header = pov change

General Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Harry Styles was not one for regrets.

His life may not have turned the way he expected it to, but he was still proud of where he had come.

Being a professional boxer was a risky job, and Harry had known that when he had decided that it was going to be his career. But there was no other logical option. Harry was an exceptional boxer who was able to go pro at age 18, where he defeated a lot of men who were older and bigger than him.

It was his passion, it always had been. Which was something that was quite remarkable, especially to his closer family members, because Harry was anything but a violent person in his day to day life. He was quite reserved, and managed his temper very well. The years in the boxing ring did harden him quite a bit, his reserved nature developing into something more akin to stoicism.

Nevertheless, Harry loved boxing. It wasn't so much a fight to him, but more of a puzzle. Each opponent had its own made up riddle, and it was up to Harry to solve it as quick as possible. Much like a dance you learn the steps to along the way. A perfect combination of intuitive technique.

He hadn't planned on having to retire at the age of 27 already. It was supposed to be his peak; it had been for almost all boxers in history, and he was looking forward to how far he would be able to push his body during his prime.

He never got the opportunity to get an answer to those questions. A car accident got in the way.

He wouldn't have been able to stop it, he knew that, and he had forbidden himself from thinking about what could've happened had he not taken that specific road back home that horrible night. There was nothing he could do about it now, so there was no point in dwelling on it.

After a year of recovery, he was slowly able to get back into the rhythm of his old life again. Well, except for the boxing part. Knowing that his career in that field was over, he began thinking about some other options of his, and decided on fulfilling another dream of his: opening a gym.

He had always wanted to do it, but he always imagined to be retired by the time he would start on that.

Now, two years later, his gym was already in multiple locations, but Harry was still working at the first one he opened. He would visit the other ones every once in a while to see how everything was going, but he was mainly at the one nearest to his house. It was special to him, the place where it all started.

Despite running the place, and therefore not needing to be on location all the time, Harry was at the gym 24/7. He wasn't a personal trainer—wasn't really his style—but he would help people and teach self defense classes to women.

Every Thursday between 6 and 9, he would teach groups of ten women everything they needed to know on defending themselves from whatever threat they may run into. It was one of the things he was proudest of; the turn out at those classes. That these women put their trust in him, and let him help them become even tougher than they already were.

Tonight, after teaching the last group, Harry had gone to the bar with some of his friends. One of them was Sophie, a woman he had become friends with since she'd joined his self defense class. She was a great person with an impeccable sense of humor, and Harry was glad he had introduced her to Greg, his best friend. They were basically made for each other.

Harry had to admit that he envied his friend for the relationship he had. He was happy for them, but sometimes couldn't help but think that his lack of a partner was this one puzzle piece that would make his life even better. All in good time, he reminded himself.

"Hey," Sophie caught Harry's attention when she waved her hand in front of his face. His gaze shot to hers, eyebrows raised. "So, I was talking about your self defense class today at work. You know, promoting your business and all."

Harry chuckled at the cocky tone in which Sophie told her story, chin up high. He mumble a soft 'thanks', to which she grinned.

"You're welcome. Anyways, I have this new colleague and she seemed so intrigued by it, but she was too insecure about joining. I mean— she didn't outright say that, but I could just tell." She huffed, Greg rubbing her back. Sophie was a very happy person in general and wanted the best for everyone, this new colleague of hers included. Harry had the same habit, it's why he immediately suggested:

"Why don't you invite her along next week? A free try-out."

"But your try-out classes aren't for another two weeks." Sophie noted.

It was true. The self defense classes had become very popular, and since Harry taught them himself, he had scheduled one night of try-out classes a month. He was only able to take on so many people, but he didn't mind making this exception.

"She can join your regular class." Harry shrugged, and Sophie's eyes beamed with excitement.

"Thank you Harry!" She squealed happily, giving Greg a hug to channel her enthusiasm. "Oh, I hope she'll come along!"

"I'm sure she will." Harry assured her with a smile, and took another sip from his beer.

Y/N had never been one for risks.

She had never been the type of person to take the leap of faith, relying more on familiar feeling of security. Why risk hurting yourself when you could be safe and content?

It was the logic she had always operated with, the logic she had been taught from a very young age. Y/N had had a sheltered upbringing. Her parents wanted her and her little brother to be as safe as possible, and that was just fine to Y/N.

Her little brother was the more feisty one of the two, and his childhood consisted of a lot of fighting. It hurt Y/N to see the people she loved so much be so angry all the time, and it only motivated her to be as good as possible. She never drank, smoked, or went to parties. She turned in her homework early and got an A on almost every test. It did put a strain on her relationship with her brother, especially since Y/N's behavior would be used as ammunition towards him.

They still didn't talk all too much, but Y/N hoped that one day, she could repair that relationship again.

Moving a few towns away was a big deal for her parents, but the wonderful job she had gotten as a secretary at quite a prestigious law firm had made it all worth it. They helped her with moving into her apartment, but Y/N would regularly visit them on both weekdays and on the weekends. All in all, she'd had a safe, comfortable, content life.

Until a few months ago.

It was a Friday night, and Y/N had agreed to a date. One of the lawyers at the firm, Oscar, had been flirting with her ever since she started working there. Not wanting to be impolite, Y/N never outright rejected him, and so the flirting continued. She was a bit uncomfortable about it — especially since he was nearing his forties and she was only 23 — but figured the banter was part of the job. She was so shocked when he did ask her to go on a date, she said yes.

It wouldn't be too bad, she figured. She would just go on the date and tell him she wasn't interested afterwards. It could be casual, and no one would be too hurt. The date was definitely out of her carefully moderated comfort zone, but she would step out of it for one night.

The date was fine. Like she had expected, she wasn't interested in Oscar in a romantic way. Still, she listened to his stories, laughed right on cue at all his jokes, and told some of her own anecdotes as well. The dinner was great, and he even offered to walk her home.

They were nearing Y/N's apartment when Oscar had suddenly slowed down his walking pace. She only noticed when she was a few feet away from him, and walked back to where Oscar was standing.

"Are you okay? We're almost there, I promise." Y/N smiled politely, much like she did in the office. Oscar didn't say anything in response, only the corners of his mouth quirking up ever so slightly.

"You're so beautiful, do you know that?" He  complimented her, and Y/N looked at her feet, not quite knowing how to handle the flattery.

"Thank you." She said softly, and froze when Oscar's fingers tilted her chin upwards. Her eyes widened when he suddenly leaned in and put his mouth on hers. After the first few seconds of pure shock slowly passed, Y/N pulled her head back.

Not getting the hint, Oscar grinned and leaned in again, this time with both his hands on her face. Y/N let out a yelp, stumbling backwards. Her body's alarm bells were ringing so loudly, but Oscar must've been deaf to her body language because he backed her up against the wall and kept kissing her.

Y/N cried out as she tried to push Oscar off with her hands, but he only grabbed them and pinned them above her head. Finally, not knowing what else to do, she lifted her knee and kicked him right in the crotch. Oscar shot backwards, groaning loudly as his grip finally loosened on her. He looked incredibly angry.

"What the fuck?!" He bellowed, standing up straight again. Y/N's lip quivered, tears running down her face.

"You wouldn't stop." She said softly, almost in a whisper. Her entire body was shaking from the adrenaline. Oscar's mouth opened to say something, but the conversation got interrupted.

"Oscar!" A woman's voice shouted from down the street. He turned his head, and his face morphed from sheer rage into a lovely smile, the same one he always put up for Y/N back in the office.

"Sophie!" He said, but the mention of her name sounded strained. Sophie... Y/N recognized her name, but she hadn't ever met the woman. She was one of the three female lawyers at the firm. Had been working there for only five years, but her reputation was so badass, everyone knew who she was.

"What are you doing out tonight?" Sophie asked as she gave Oscar a hug, and turned to Y/N. "Who's this?"

"This is Y/N." Oscar replied. "She's a secretary at the firm."

"Nice to meet you." Y/N extended her hand, and Sophie shook it.

"Nice to meet you too! How come I've never seen you around?" She tilted her head.

"I— I work on a different floor."

"Well, I'm glad I met you, Y/N!" She said, the kindness in her tone being a real comfort after that scary moment she just had to live through. Somewhere in the way she said it, and in the way her eyes softened slightly, it almost felt like Sophie knew.

"I— I should go. It's getting pretty late." Y/N decided that this could be her sweet escape.

"Right, I'm gonna bring Y/N home." Oscar said, and your eyes shot to him. Anxiety filled your lungs until all you could breathe was fear. You didn't want to be alone with him. You had no idea what he would be able to do to you. What were you going to do about it? You weren't even half as strong as he was.

"Oh, which way is it?" Sophie asked, turning to Y/N, who was about to open her mouth but got interrupted by Oscar.

"That way." He pointed toward the direction of Y/N's house. Sophie side eyed her colleague, then nodded.

"Exactly the way I was going! Let's go." She hooked her arm into Y/N's, and began walking, ranting about how it was unacceptable that they didn't work on the same floor.

Y/N wordlessly nodded along, filled with gratefulness to Sophie or the universe—or both—for not leaving her alone with Oscar again.

She got home safely about five minutes later, not daring to look Oscar in the eyes as she hugged him and said goodbye, and she only allowed her tears to fall down her cheek when she closed her front door.

Y/N spent the rest of the weekend in bed, not in the mood to do anything. By Monday, she felt both better and worse. She had had some time to come down from the shock of what happened, but the terror that filled her at the realization that she was to see Oscar again, had her stomach turn. On Monday morning, she even got into work late as a result of a wave of nausea that hit her once she'd grabbed her keys, spending the time she used to drive to work to puke her guts out instead.

Later, she'd found out that Oscar had called in sick that day. It gave her some time and space to breathe. Sophie visited her the same day, and she hadn't stopped visiting since.

Oscar did eventually return to work, but they never talked anymore. Y/N didn't dare to look him in the eye, and she avoided him at all costs. One day, about two weeks after everything happened, she did see him waiting by her cubicle, but she hid in the toilet for half an hour and by the time she returned he was gone.

It had been two months since that horrible event, and Y/N had entirely isolated herself. Back to the normal routine, back to what was familiar. It gave her a sense of control. She was fragile, and sensitive. She had just pressed down her sadness and anxiety that lingered as a result from the date, and instead focused entirely on what she could control.

She figured it would be easier. Well, except for the mental breakdowns she'd get when something small didn't go right. The dishes not being cleaned, her vacuum not taking up every speck of dust; it just set her off. It wasn't healthy, but she had no idea how else to deal with these things.

When Sophie mentioned she was following self-defense classes a couple weeks ago, Y/N's ears had perked up. She tried to be subtle about it; asking questions to pry some information about the classes from her. But, being the amazing lawyer she was, it didn't go over Sophie's head, and before she knew it she had an invite to a class.

"See you next week!" Harry exclaimed as the last of the women from the 7pm class left the room. He was still busy putting everything back into place before the next class which would commence in about five minutes.

He was just about done with everything when Sophie walked in, another girl walking in close behind her. Harry couldn't really make up her face, as she stayed closely behind Sophie, even upon nearing him.

Sophie looked proud, probably feeling very accomplished about the fact that she had been able to convince this colleague of hers to take her up on her offer.

"Hey!" She greeted Harry cheerfully, giving him a quick hug. He was still smiling when he turned to the woman standing next to Sophie. His mouth went a bit dry when he took in her face.

"Harry, this is Y/N."

For starters, she was a bit shorter than Sophie, and quite frail too. Her hair was up in a ponytail, leaving her features to be admired out in the open. Her eyes were soft—radiating mostly insecurity at the moment—and wide. Those Bambi eyes and plump, rosy lips...

She looked so... innocent?

He wasn't sure if it was the right word, but he was sure that he had to say something before the silence became too long.

"Hi Y/N." He repeated her name, seeing the slightest flicker of surprise run through the eyes of the woman in front of him. But the slight relaxation of her body told him that his usual trick was working. It was a typical 'strategy' that he would often use with people who were a bit unsure about him. His voice would soften, he would always wear a hint of a smile on his face, and he'd repeat people's names to create a bit more of a familiar environment. It always worked, and he was glad it did. He never wanted anyone, especially a woman, to feel uncomfortable around him.

"Hi." The corners of her mouth tugged up.

Angel.

That's all he could think of as he looked at her. Jesus Christ, she was beautiful.

"Thank you for joining the class. You don't have to join in on everything if you don't feel comfortable. Just observe and see if this is something you would like to practice more often, okay?"

The girl in front of him nodded intently the second he had finished talking. Her eyes widened ever so slightly before she peeped out an, "okay."

Harry grinned, his gaze shooting to Sophie—who was looking at him with this suspicious look on her face that she only got once in a while—before calling everyone in a circle and commencing the class.

This girl, Y/N, turned out to be a real distraction for him. He was so focused on trying to read how she was feeling that he trailed off during explanations a couple times. It was embarrassing, really. He was a grown man for God's sake, why couldn't he just concentrate?

Y/N only joined in for a couple of the basic movements, but she stayed back for most of the class. Her big eyes observed every movement Harry and the others made, impressed with how developed everyone seemed to be in their techniques. He noted that it only seemed to make her more timid, though.

His eyebrows kept knitting every time he looked at her, getting lost in his thoughts on how he could help her become more comfortable in his class. She'd caught his stare about halfway through the class, and at the way her eyes shot to the floor he realized that his gaze was actually doing the completed opposite of what he wanted to do, which was help her.

When the class ended, Harry gave his usual speech about how good everyone had done their job, and that he would see them all next week. Afterwards there would always be a couple of women hanging around to ask questions, and he would stop a few on their way out to compliment their improvements. When the rest of the women had left, Sophie walked up to Harry, Y/N following closely behind.

"Great class, Styles. Thanks for teaching me some ass kicking again." She teased, smiling at him before she took a sip from her water bottle.  Harry chuckled, shaking his head faintly.

"Glad you liked it." He turned to Y/N. "What about you?"

Her cheeks started heating up, mouth falling open ever so slightly. "M— me? Oh, uhm, yeah, pretty good."

"I'm going to use the bathroom really quick, I'll be right back." Sophie chimed in, and began walking towards the door. "Keep her company for me, will ya Styles?"

Harry almost laughed at how Y/N's eyes nearly popped out of her sockets at Sophie's announcement. She was nervous around him, and it was quite endearing, but she didn't need to be. Although it was very cute, Harry wanted her to be comfortable around her.

"You hated it, didn't you?" He said as soon as Sophie was out of sight. Harry was amused, watching Y/N scramble for words when she realized what he had said.

"What? No, no of course not! You're great! Teacher— you're a great teacher, I mean." She stumbled over every last one of her words, making it sound even less convincing than it already was, even though she did really mean it.

Harry solely raised his eyebrow, indicating that he did not buy any of that, and it was all it took for her shoulders to slump and a little sigh to leave those pretty lips of hers.

"It's really not you, I promise. I just get... a bit nervous in group settings, especially when it comes to sports. I don't even go to the gym." She confessed, and Harry nodded. That certainly made more sense. His heart warmed a bit at the fact that she reassured him that he wasn't the reason she wasn't liking the class all too much.

"Why don't you go to the gym?" Harry asked further, his tone soft. He didn't want to press too much, but he did want to know more about her.

"It's... embarrassing." She shrugged. Harry chuckled.

"I go to the gym all the time. I mean, I own this one. I can only imagine how embarrassing I must be."  He joked. He had to say he thought it was pretty funny, the way she blushed as he teased her.

"No, I didn't mean it like that! You're not embarrassing at all— I mean, you’re like the opposite. You're lean, and strong. You have like— big arms and you know what you're doing." She ranted, and had no idea how much Harry's ego was fueled by the compliments she was unknowingly throwing at him. "Whereas I— I have no idea what to do at a gym. I hate the idea of people being able to watch me and judge me if they want. Not that I think everyone's focusing on me all the time! I— I don't think that..."

Y/N's heart was racing as she finally got herself to stop talking. It was a nervous habit she had always possessed. As soon as something got awkward, her mouth would open and it would just never shut again. All communication skills flew out the window as soon as something — or in this case someone — made her nervous. She couldn't even remember half the words she just said.

"I can teach you, if you want."

The offer was as unexpected to Y/N as it was to Harry. He hadn't quite anticipated the words rolling off his tongue, but he didn't regret them either.

"It'll be a private class, and it can be in a closed room, like this one, or after closing time. Whatever suits you." Harry tried his hardest to sound casual, and not like what he was offering was something he literally never did. He had to hire a cleaner at home because he was too busy to get around to cleaning the house, that's how much he had to do. But the prospect of losing even more free time did not seem to bother him at all. In fact, he hoped Y/N would take him up on his offer as he scanned her face and waited for her to say something.

"No, I wouldn't want to ask that of you. I'm sure you're busy with a lot of other things." She declined politely, but he didn't miss the glimmer of hope in her eyes. Those private classes had sounded intriguing to her, he just knew it. So instead of accepting her rejection, he shrugged.

"How about this. I'm always in till late on Tuesday's. If you're sure you don't want private lessons, that's fine. But if it does sound like something you want to do, just be there at 9. I'll be there either way." Harry suggested. He didn't wait for a response — hearing Sophie's footsteps nearing — and instead said,

"Just think about it, alright?"

Y/N merely nodded, not even able to croak out a 'yes' before Sophie walked back into the room.

"Okay, I'm ready to go. Y/N?" Sophie asked, watching as her friend agreed and grabbed her things before walking towards the door where Sophie stood.

"Thanks for the class." Y/N turned around and smiled at Harry, throwing him a small wave as she started following Sophie out the door.

"Anytime." He winked at her.

"Bye Styles!" Sophie shouted, her keys clinking as she waved at Harry, behind her.

"Bye Soph." Harry called out, his eyes still transfixed on the girl behind his friend.

He didn't take her eyes off her as they walked towards the exit, taking in every detail of her delicate body as she moved further and further away from him. She was painstakingly beautiful. How had she just walked in? As soon as the girls disappeared behind the door, Harry let out a big sigh.

"Fuck." He murmured under his breath.

He really hoped Y/N would take him up on his offer. Harry had very quickly and very suddenly developed this intense need to help the girl, and that couldn't mean anything good.

Maybe he'd never see her again. She did sound very unsure. Besides, who said that she even wanted to go to this class? For all Harry knew, Sophie could've just used her manipulative convincing tricks, and Y/N, the polite angel she was, would've felt too bad to decline. Maybe, she thought he was an ass and didn't want anything to do with him.

In spite of the countless theories flying through his head, he knew that she wanted it. He had seen it in her eyes. She did really want to join the class, she was simply too nervous. But whether she would take him up on the offer, that was the question. He'd have to wait until the following week.

Strangely enough, he couldn't wait until it was Tuesday. He couldn't wait to find out…

[frozen-heart]

Sooo... Episode 6 is out...

For me this episode is the weakest we've had so far. And I need to rant a bit...

I don't even know where to start. Of course not everything was bad about this episode, like the pride party. I really loved that part.

But there are some icks...

Maybe I set my expectations too high, because I've seen a few posts about how there's a shocking twist, ect. But the hype really ended up going nowhere for me..

First of all, Noa and Jen..

So.. I wish they would just show us why Noa us so attached to Jen. Because all we see is Jen causing trouble for Noa and it sucks. And Noa saying that Jen and her are 'more alike' than her and Shawn felt like a bullshit excuse. And if she really feels that way, why not break off with Shawn right away? Instead she uses him, his money and then cheats on him. I could look past the cheating in Juvie, because Noa didn't know that Shawn would wait for her and that she was scearching for comfort in Jen. But this? This is just bullshit.

Even worse, Jen stole the money from Shawn's mother to give back to him?! Like what the fuck? And Noa is actually still considering a relationship with her after she got accused of stealing the money?

I also don't get how Jen told Noa she doesn't need more on her plate and when she's confronted with her STEALING from Shawn's mother, she turns around again and puts pressure on Noa to make a decision?! Excuse me?

This is just peak self sabotage. She is considering leaving Shawn, who she has a really stable and healthy relationship with for someone who steals and causes her trouble. Are the writers even trying to make us like Jen?

And I expected Noa to get some backlash from the liars. Especially Faran. She always has strong opinions and isn't afraid to voice them, but she doesn't say anything against Noa cheating? This would've been the perfect opportunity to create some tension between the Liars. Not only did Noa lie to them about Jen, she's cheating on Shawn and playing with both of them, which could taint the picture of Noa the other Liars have of her.

Side note: Where is the scene of Jen and Noa that we saw in the promo pictures?

Also, I really hated how easily they just cut Jen off of their list for Bloody Rose.

Next one, I saw some people say that they want Kelly to die a horrible death now. But I still don't want her to die.

What she did was horrible and hurtful to Imogen, but I don't think Kelly really had another choice. Her mom is abusive and she had to obey her and therefore the church to avoid further trauma and abuse. She has no other choice but to adapt to the view of the church to survive. And I think that's really sad.

I want her to get the chance to work through her trauma and redeem herself to the Liars, especially Imogen.

I hope they don't kill her off, because I feel like there could be a lot of ways to further explore her character, because she's so complex.

Side note: I can't take it when my two favorite girlies are fighting T_T Great acting from both of them!

And it seems like we're really pushing Faran x Greg now.. And I'm not sure how to feel about it.

I really like the actors and they do have good chemistry, but I don't really know if I can like this ship..

I mean we could have Faran x Kelly. They're literally right there and would be better representation than Jen x Noa..

And now to the 'big reveal'.

First of all, Imogen's 'test' didn't feel like a test. (I'm also not convinced that Noa actually finished her test last episode.)

It was really lacking, but at least she had her moment last season..

I thought something was up from Davie, as I stated in the first post I made about Summer School. Imogen kept confusing Bloody Roae and her mother throughout the season, but the reveal still didn't really work for me.

We didn't even see her face. And we saw in the trailer that Imogen will accuse Dr Sullivan of being Bloody Rose in episode 7 or 8. We also saw Dr Sullivan saying she's putting on her face, as in becoming Bloody Rose, which will probably be another dream of Imogen.

Imogen has been hallucinating this season so I'm also not sure that we can trust her judgment on this. I hope they don't do the secret twin thing with Davie. That would just be boring, because we got that last season. I assume it was probably a mask to mess with her.

I just don't buy Davie or her secret twin being Bloody Rose and it would be one of the more boring plot twists, if they go through with it. I have read other theories that seem more exciting than this..

Where did Bloody Rose go anyway? And why didn't she kill Imogen? She clearly had the chance to. Wouldn't she want to kill Imogen to keep her identity hidden?

I'm sorry for rambling so much. But I needed to get this off of my chest.

[wrongcaitlyn]

The 1830 line is still stupid even in context. There was a million better ways of saying 'we romanticize the past'. She deserves to get clowned on for it

(And bringing up racism when singing an album about being in love with a racist is grim. I can't imagine what she was thinking about for so many decisions on this album. I think that's why I'm seeing a lot of swifties claim that all the bad lines are her being ironic and making fun of guys like Matty Healy and how they write because it's just incomprehensible so a lot of us why would she would do these things)

honestly, i don’t think so. sure, there are other ways to say not to romanticize the past but the choice of her wording is very clear to me -

the 1830s as a time of art and the era of romanticism is something that taylor would clearly be drawn to, so when she was younger and playing a game with her friends she would “say the 1830s” because she probably really admires the art and poetry and literature. there’s charles dickens and hans christian andersen and of course, when thinking abt it from that perspective and rose tinted glasses, she’s going to think “yeah, that was a great time”

but then she immediately contradicts that by remembering that the romantic era/romanticism (which peaked from 1800-1850s which were, yeah, generally a horrible time, and yet they still contributed heavily to the art and music that’s inspired future eras/taylors music in general) is not the only thing that existed at the time, and she starts listing off two things that were horrible. racism and arranged marriage weren’t the only horrible things of that time period (thinking abt slavery, imperialism, etc) but by the time she mentions those two, the game’s already over - everyone looks down. she’s made it awkward. the friend group is no longer able to reminisce abt the pop culture of past decades/centuries bc she had to bring up that it was shitty -

which leads her into the chorus, emphasizing that no, she can’t even romanticize the romantic era, and so she hates this earth, of all time periods, not just modern day issues, and hides away to her fictional worlds and “lunar valleys” where there’s nothing bad - because in this world, no matter what time period you’re in, there’s going to be something bad. some worse than others, clearly but i think that her pointing out the 1830s and that decade’s significance and its impact on her form of art specifically is exactly what she wants to say here - that even with this era literally named after romanticism, there’s nothing to romanticize, and she feels trapped knowing that it’s never been good, and it probably never will be. therefore, she hates it here.

i can definitely agree that there are lyrics on the album that i find unnecessary/a bit annoying, but i also don’t think that every song on the album should be brought back to this relationship with matty - it’s very clear that she is focusing on herself and how she was affected, and that this song in particular has absolutely nothing to do with her exes

[memekeymouse]

Can you talk more about Mickeys alienation from other toons due to his fame immortalizing him in a way that he’s the other.

Also can you also talk about the times Mickey got killed by the hands of toons but came back due to the audience.

Sorry I didn’t reply to this earlier, but now you better brace yourself because I need to dump a lot about my Forbidden Toon Lore in order to properly answer both of these questions. I’ll still try to be brief if I can but….yeah

See, it all starts in the 30’s, when Mickey is still nowhere near reaching the peak of his fame but has nonetheless risen above most of the other Toons…which means he’s already made himself a few enemies. This is also a point in time where he and Minnie are only a couple in front of the camera, while in reality they’re struggling just to get along due to misunderstandings. He’s also dating Felix the Cat at this point; it might not seem relevant, but bear with me.

As I have explained before, Toons can only be killed by being forgotten or by another Toon who hates them enough for any attempt at hurting them to not be considered a gag anymore. And of these two options, the first is by far the slowest and most horrible way to die; Toons will do anything to avoid this fate. And so, the less popular Toons at this point in time have decided that if they want to avoid being forgotten, they HAVE to get rid of Mickey. So they kidnap him!

Except….the guy in charge of nabbing him was careless and just went for the first pair of round, black ears he saw. So he kidnapped Minnie instead. Which really ruined their plan: now everyone from Disney Studios would be on guard, and if word got out of what they had tried to do to their biggest star, their careers would be over! And all for a love interest that can easily be replaced, surely no one would miss her! In the end, they conclude they just have to get rid of Minnie somehow so she doesn’t rat them out, and maybe that will mess up with Disney’s business at least for a while before they come up with a new love interest for Mickey or something. And then maybe later they can try again.

Which is….really horrible for Minnie, because she already has a lot of insecurities about being “just” a love interest and therefore expendable. Remember the misunderstandings between her and Mickey I mentioned? Yeah, she thinks nobody really cares about her, least of all Mickey. Besides, he already has someone who genuinely loves him, not because he was written into doing it. She thinks either these guys do something awful to her or….everyone will forget her eventually. It scares her, but it also pisses her off and she causes her kidnappers grief over it.

Turns out: she was wrong! Despite all their misunderstandings and messiness regarding their role as a couple, Mickey cares about Minnie a whole lot! And when he realizes that she got kidnapped because of him?? He’s devastated. And also pissed! He along with Clarabelle and Horace go looking for her. Long story short, the three of them save her, Mickey beats the leader of the gang with the butt of a gun (and NOT as a gag, THAT’S how angry he is) and they all live happily ever after…..except for the kidnappers, who obviously were disgraced in the Toon community for that stunt. It’s also the beginning of Mickey and Minnie clearing their misunderstandings and becoming friends.

Fast forward to….the 60’s? At this point in time, Felix has already dumped Mickey, he and Minnie got together later on and are currently newlyweds. And of course, they’re both a lot more famous at this point….which still doesn’t do Mickey a lot of favors when it comes to jealous competitors

They’re just walking through ToonTown one evening, making their way back to the studio after a date…when they’re confronted by the leader of the Toons that kidnapped Minnie almost 30 years before. He’s pretty much the last of his group to still be around, all his buddies were forgotten throughout the years, and because Being Forgotten is a slow, degrading process he is…not in the best state of mind.

And of course, he blames it all on Mickey. But he and Minnie don’t even recognize the guy (because when humans forget a Toon, it also affects other Toons whether they want to or not), which only adds insult to injury.

And that’s the story of Mickey dying the first time by getting shot!

Obviously, it doesn’t kill him permanently. It SHOULD have, but because he was already famous at this point to a degree never seen before in Toonkind, it’s enough to bring him back to life by the time any authorities or other witnesses come around. And Minnie….well, a lot happened to her between watching Mickey die and then come back, so she thought she had seen wrong and that Mickey’s injury was less severe than it looked. At that moment, everyone assumed he had been lucky; even Mickey himself wasn’t sure what had happened.

But then it keeps happening a few more times, and Toons begin to realize that fame at a certain level keeps your from dying permanently at the hands of other Toons; Mickey could only die so many times before people caught on he wasn’t just narrowly avoiding death. And while he’s not the last Toon to have this power, for a while he was thought to be the only one. Because his fame keeps him from being forgotten AND protects him from bodily harm, he is effectively immortal and that’s what makes other Toons see him as a freak, either out of jealousy or fear. Or both!

Being famous to insane degrees gave Mickey other….let’s say powers, that contributed to making him an outcast in Toon society. But that’s a post for another day <3

[2dumb2furious]

Very long post and a lot of across the Spiderverse spoilers incoming:

I finally watched across the spider-verse yesterday and I couldn’t stop thinking about the Miles & Gwen and Percy & Annabeth parallels in that movie.

Starting with Gwen and Annabeth because they are not as similar as Miles and Percy but there’s still things to talk about. Gwen being Spiderman ending with her friend dying and getting blamed for it by her dad making her run away reminded me a lot of Annabeth being a demigod ending with monsters attacking her family a lot and getting blamed for it by her dad making her run away. Running away to a place where people have special abilities like you and fitting in and learning about it, thinking you can never go back to where you came from. Both had one of their only friends die (Peter) or at least be dead-adjacent (Thalia) which made them closed off and felt guilty even though it wasn’t their fault. And on a lighter note how Gwen was talking to the Vulture that didn’t belong to her universe and then Miguel just screamed Annabeth to me, like her clear pride that she wasn’t confused actually and knew about the multiverses and was trying to show what she was made off was peak Annabeth to me. Personality wise I just feel like their confidence and maturity for their age due to their experiences are really really similar. Also both of them eventually going back to their dads who have learnt to accept them for their abilities and they decide to make another try.

Miles and Percy have a lot of differences, main ones being their upbringing, school-lives and also Mile’s artistic side and being a bit of a genius (Percy is still really smart though just in a different way). BUT COME ON THEYRE ALSO SUPER SIMILAR!! A kid from New York with got special abilities they can use to defeat monsters. Having to balance being a normal teenager and having to fight monsters with no control over when and where (the school meeting scene in the movie reminded me of Percy so much). Not being able to tell normal people about their abilities. Discovering that there are more people like them with these abilities shortly after discovering said abilities. Finding a new sense of belonging with these people like you but not quite being like them either. Being betrayed by one of the few people you felt close to (Aaron and Luke). Being one of the most powerful of the people like you but still treated like a kid and not being let known as much as you want to know. It turning out you’re actually not meant to be who you are at all (Miles being an anomaly and Percy being a child of a big three despite them having an oath to not have kids). Having a horrible destiny you’re told you can’t do anything about (Percy’s prophecy they thought meant he was going to die and Mile’s canon events). Their loyalty to the people closest to them and their family. Miles in the entire latter of half of the movie screamed Percy. AND THEIR SENSES OF HUMOR!!!! You could give Mile’s jokes to Percy and vice versa and it would sound perfectly in character and they both use it as a way to break the tension and shows the really quick-witted way they look at the world.

Now their dynamic together. They both got that sweet awkward teenagers that care a lot about each other and are clearly in love but won’t admit it. They miss each other a lot and understand each other in a way nobody else does. They trust each other with their lives. Gwen and Annabeth always trusting Miles and Percy despite being hurt and betrayed by others before. Gwen joining the spider-society before Miles and having to keep secrets just like Annabeth has been at camp half-blood for a lot longer than Percy and not being able to tell him everything. Both Gwen and Annabeth are therefore put in a position of more experience and trust from the leaders in juxtaposition to Miles and Percy who know the least out of everyone and is constantly trying to gain the trust Gwen/Annabeth already have. Annabeth and Gwen also know something about Percy and Miles they can’t tell him (Gwen knowing Miles is an anomaly and Annabeth knowing Percy’s prophecy that heavily implies he’s gonna die). Percy and Miles as someone with a good parent/parents talks to Annabeth/Gwen about their dads and they open up about it. The slight jealousy element with Hobie and Gwen reminded me of the jealousy elements within Percabeth, both a tiny bit with Luke but also Rachel if Rachel would’ve been Annabeth’s friend/potential love interest and not Percy’s (the Hobie thing is a bit less intense than the Rachel thing though but still the roles Hobie and Rachel fulfill in regards to the main relationship is similar in that also Rachel was someone for Percy to feel normal around and being in Hobie’s dimension was a place Gwen could stay that wasn’t just headquarters also Rachel and Hobie would get extremely well along you can’t change my mind).

I ALSO NEED TO POINT OUT BECAUSE I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT PERCY PRINTING OUT A PICTURE OF ANNABETH TO HAVE IN HIS NOTEBOOK BECAUSE HE MISSES HER IS THE NON-ARTIST EQUIVALENT OF MILES DRAWING A MILLION SKETCHES OF GWEN!!

[cirqosmos]

ENHYPEN: TO LIVE ON (2023)

📄summary: a world where happy endings don't exist, you have no choice but to continue to live on till the last of your breath.

📻theme song: pian0s010- sawano hiroyuki [nzk]

🎬genre: angst, slice of life

🥀warning: lots of angst, expect your own heartbreak, realistic endings

🖋️a/n: (updated) the routes are going to have two ending versions: 1) angst ending for the angst lovers, and 2) for people who can't take angst ending. And for that case, I'm both 😌👌

| ROUTE 1: SUNOO | See You

📄summary: what would happen when a girl who had only 10 years left to live due to an unknown sickness, and whose eyesight was taken away from her due to a horrible accident, soon met a boy who no longer had the will to live after finding out that his eyesight will eventually fade as time passed?

📻theme song: your eyes tell - BTS

•

| ROUTE 2: HEESEUNG | Garden Of Words

📄summary: in the summer of 2020 where communication through phone was at it's highest peak; a 'love story' that should've never begin, started in the month of April which will soon follow with a first confession and then soon end with a last confession.

📻theme song: amalfi - hooverphonic

•

| ROUTE 3: NI-KI | Last Wish

📄summary: a story of a girl with a limp who was once a ballerina soon encountered a feral boy in the middle of the woods. Taking him in into her house without her family's knowledge, she only had one wish and that was..

📻theme song: devil's child - higuchi ai

•

| ROUTE 4: JAY | Life Hates Us Now

📄summary: with an offer to work as a maid in an old mansion, a girl accepts it with no hesitation in hopes to earn more money to support herself and her little brother. However, with the money she only came for, she didn't expect for the mansion's past to haunt her along with it.

📻theme song: to family - full throttle4

•

| ROUTE 5: JUNGWON | Grave of Daffodils

📄summary: a story of a mountain cat spirit that was forcefully bound to a family for hundreds of years because of a deal, watching each generation die and born one after another with his own eyes didn't hurt him the slightest, because he wanted them all to die at once so he can be free. And one day his only wish came true when the family finally fell into their demise, but to his dismay, the last granddaughter of the family was born.

📻theme song: life is a comedy - iori kanzaki

•

| ROUTE 6: JAKE | Crossing Stars

📄summary: set in the 19th century, where Korea has been invaded by numerous countries; with the nobles and the peasants are often in a clash and war was everywhere, but in the midst of chaos, a young and free spirited aristocrat disguised in a peasant clothing accidentally met a real peasant in the train, and he had no choice but to pretend to be mute because he couldn't understand their language.

📻theme song: broken heart of gold - one ok rock

•

| ROUTE 7: SUNGHOON | Blooming In The Mud

📄summary: an inexperienced young god who accidentally breaks the rule of the Heavens after misplacing a healing magic on a disabled girl. Therefore, he got only one year and he can't go back to heaven until he fix his mistakes and reverse the magic on the girl.

📻theme song: blooming in the mud - walpis carter

—

| COMING SOON |

© sweetpieceofnightmarez, 2022

|> secondary blog: @llyzblog

[dodo-begone]

It's Tough to be Mortal

Pairing: God!Reader x Hermitcraft

Request: DODO MY BELOVED DO YOU REMEMBER THE CONVO WE HAD ABOUT GOD READER. WOULD YOU BE COOL WRITING THAT BESTIE?

Word count: 4k

Grian was standing in front of his mansion, debating on what needed revamping. Sure it was already enormous but there was something missing about it. It’s been bothering him for ages. An answer that always seemed to appear was something others would call outlandish. Something more than unnecessary.

His mansion needed to be taller.

Did his mansion already tower over the rainforest that lay before of it? Yes. Did it also go pretty far below ground level? Also yes. A grand mansion like this must have something to separate it from the surrounding area. The moat-like feature couldn’t be small either. No, that’d be an injustice to the mansion. What he needed was something to-scale for it. Though it’d be nice if his nether portals would actually fit in the little arches he dug out…

“Hey Grian!” a voice suddenly appeared. It’s unexpected entrance made it seem like a bellow and it was absolutely terrifying to hear.

Grian shrieked, jumping around to see who disturbed him from his thoughts. There, behind him, was little ole you. If he weren’t so spooked, he would’ve found your expression rather hilarious.

Your face was a gorgeous combination of joy with a hint of confusion. The expression was similar to one Grian wore often. He mostly wore it when he was found pranking the other hermits. Although you did many pranks alongside him, it didn’t seem like you were trying to pull on now. “Seem” being the key word. Appearances can be deceiving after all.

“Why hello there,” Grian was grateful for your sudden appearance. Another set of eyes to help decide what was missing. It was like the gods just knew of his plight. “Why’d you come visit?”

“Oh I just wanted to chit-chat,” You reply, your eyes wandering to Grian’s most recent muse. “But you seem somewhat busy at the moment. I’ll come by another time.”

“Wait,” Grian still desperately needed an outsider’s opinion. “We can talk right now. I’m just trying to figure out what my mansion is missing.”

“Are you sure,” you prod. Talking to Grian after you interrupted him felt wrong. He was obviously busy and you disturbed him more than you should’ve. The creative process could be rather elusive once you have it, easily escaping the moment you stop thinking of it.

“Positive.”

“Well, if you insist,” you give in rather easily. How you craved interaction. And it was so readily available here as well. “I mostly came over to thank you.”

“Thank me for what,” Grian was beyond confused. First off you could be thankful for anything. Second off you didn’t need to thank him for anything. Third off he can’t think of anything he’d done for you that you hadn’t thank him for already. “You don’t have to thank me for anything, you know. Everything was a pleasure to do.”

“But i still feel like making you aware,” you reply so nonchalantly to him. In a way it seemed like you didn’t care what he had to say in reply. He knew you did care, you’ve shown you cared in the past. But now it seems to be the opposite. It must’ve been like one of those cases where you don’t listen to a friend when you help them because they think they’re a problem. That’s what it feels like anyways.

“You and the hermits made me realize so many things about life I had either long forgotten or never realized,” your words were spoken in such a soft manner, like you were dreamily reliving whatever you were referring to.

“Again, it wasn’t a problem at all,” Grian reiterated himself. He didn’t want to seem rude but at the same time it honestly wasn’t something that bothered or irked him. Although he may not have realized he was helping you with that, it was nice to know you felt great about your interactions together.

You looked like you were far from finished talking though. So Grian decided to listen to your words. Maybe look at what needed fixing with his mansion. No, that’d be rather rude.

“With our interactions together,” you were restarting whatever you were saying. Oh boy. “the small joys of life have been revealed to me. For example, I never knew those loud boxes of yours had any significance besides just making a loud noise. Well they are made to make noise, but I was unaware of the significance besides that. Now, through you, I have found the sounds rather joyful. I never knew you could trap music in a box until now.”

Grian had been beyond confused with your description. It felt odd and awkward. He only figured out what you meant when you said “music in a box”. Either you meant a music box or a jukebox. Everyone knew what a music box was; everyone had interacted with one in their lifetime whether they remembered it or not. Jukeboxes were also a well known item. Your experience with them felt odd to hear. Very alien. Who doesn’t know what a juke box is?

“Oh don’t even get me started on those little slimy critters,” you excitement seemed to grow exponentially. If he weren’t there to see it, he would have a hard time picturing what that description would entail. “The slimy ones are slugs, right? I think they’re slugs. Not those square ones, no i know those are Slimes. But the cylindrical ones, i think that’s what you call that shape, that most people find rather unpleasant. They live in gardens. Yes, those. I never got to experience them up close until recently. Also the little slugs with shells.” You pause, a look of deep concentration covers your face. A few times you try to restart your description with the name but come up empty.

The pause is long enough to give away that you most likely didn’t remember the name of what you described at all. It was rather cute because you were so deep in thought about it. You looked around too, like anything could give you a clue as to your mystery animal.

“Do you mean snail,” Grian prompted. He was giving you a stick to latch onto. Watching you flail for an answer any longer would be cruel.

“Yes,” you reply gleefully,” those things. Snails and slugs are so sweet. I can’t believe people can dislike them so much. They regard them as pests but they’re just little wonders. It’s so hard to see why people dislike them. Is it because they’re slimy, like blood?”

That description felt like a record scratching or stopping; it felt like the mood got changed completely. “Excuse me,” Grian laughed nervously. He simply must’ve misheard. “Could you repeat that?”

“I absolutely can- wait, which part do you need,” your confusion was rather evident. Did you really have no clue where the problem lay?

“The snail and slug part. Where you were wondering why people didn’t like them. What was the reasoning you gave?”

“Oh that! I said, ‘is it because they’re slimy, like blood’” You reply so helpfully. A child-like glee seemed to emanate from you.

“I don’t think that’s exactly why people dislike them,” Grian began. He didn’t know how to bring it up to you that your description wasn’t wrong but also wasn’t right. “Some people dislike them because they eat, destroy or kill their plants. Or they have a plethora of them where they’re unwanted.”

“Oh,” somehow his answer saddened you. “So they treat them like unwanted kittens?”

Again, you weren’t wrong nor were you exactly right. It just didn’t exactly sit right with him. Because yes, they could be treated like unwanted kittens.

“Sure,” It was simpler to just go along with it. After all, the general idea wasn’t wrong. Anything unwanted was a pest in someone’s eyes and therefore treated like one.

“Oh the poor things,” you start to tear up. “Why do people treat them like that?” You’re tearing up over snails and slugs? This is going to be a long explanation as to why they’re treated so horribly. He really didn’t want to have to break your heart further over the slugs and snails, but your pained yet curious eyes just begged for more information. It was going to be a long day.

______________________________________________________________

The clicking of redstone echoed around the cavern. After a long chain of clicks, lights flickered and moved. It was like the sun, although the appearance was shoddy and limited considering what it was made of.

It’s creation was for one purpose; to replicate the sun but underground. A quirky clock. Very large and eye catching. Much more eye catching than a regular clock anyways. The ceiling was partially ripped out, revealing the dazzling rays of sunlight that peaked over the horizon.

Zedaph, the creator of this magnificent creation, stood below it. Both looking at it in awe and scrupulously. He was only at the beginning stages but this played a key part in showing the progress. Was he actually doing everything right? It already moved once but it did that last time. Oh it’s getting close to changing now, or should be. “Zedaph,” you flung yourself at him, hanging onto him as you two went down. Although not the most pleasant entrance, it was rather endearing. “Oh sorry about that! Looks like I got a wee bit over excited.”

“It’s alright,” you two got off the ground, you much more gracefully than him. “It didn’t hurt too much.”

“Oh my gosh I hurt you,” you frantically search Zedaph over, looking for any sign of damage you might have caused. “Oh i am so so sorry I didn’t mean for any of that to happen I just-” “I said it’s alright,” Zedaph reiterates, gently pushing you away. “I’m perfectly fine. See?” He even does a little twirl for you.

You don’t seem convinced, not in the slightest. But your second attempt to search him gets declined and you’re forced to believe him. At least somewhat.

“So what brings you around here,” Zedaph inquires. “I know my indoor sun-clock system is pretty awesome, but it’s far from complete. And there isn��t really anything else in the cave of contraptions either.”

“I’m well aware of that,” your reply is odd, but easily overlooked. All of the other hermits have their quirks, after all. This is no different. “But I came over for other reasons.”

“Other reasons?” “Well not reasons,” you correct yourself. “What I actually mean is reason. I don’t know why I said reasons. Why did I say- anyways I just wanted to talk with you.”

“Some good ole talking with me,” Zedaph had to clear any doubt, even though there really shouldn’t have been any. “Well I’m quite honored to have you over to talk. What did you want to talk about?”

“Oh I simply wanted to discuss the differences between Hermitcraft and other servers. I knew Hermitcraft was different but I couldn’t put a finger on what it was. That was until recently. That “eureka” moment hit me and I just had to share with someone.” Your self satisfaction was undeniable and honestly somewhat charming in the way you were so pleased and proud by your actions.

“How so,” Zedaph inquires. He wants to listen to you, he really does. But redstone is just calling his name and how can he deny it. So he starts to fiddle with some redstone. Find a way to do the decline of the sun for his clock. He could easily listen to what you were saying and figure this out, right? It couldn’t be that hard.

“So I noticed how everything is so nice and peaceful here,” you remark, slowly following him. “It’s like one of those fairytales you share to your children. So absolutely perfect. Then there are others where chaos reigns like there’s no god but itself. You know what I’m saying.”

“Uh-huh,” Zedaph mindlessly agrees with whatever you just said. “Fairytales are like that.”

“Excellent,” you quietly cheer in joy at his supposed “understanding”. “So anyways this place is so much less malevolently chaotic and more playfully chaotic. And I recently realized something. Something that you guys don’t do that many other servers do. Are you aware of what that is?”

“Yea sure,” Zedaph started to fiddle around with the placement of droppers and redstone. “Go right on ahead.”

“Okay! So what you guys don’t do is something many other servers do- oh I just mentioned that. But anyways! There’s so little violence, it’s truly wonderful, don’t get me wrong. I must inquire though, do you expect there to be any violence? Anytime soon for that matter?”

Zedaph gives a simple “no” before his mind and hands are back onto the redstone before him.

“Well that’s great yet terrible,” you sigh in disappointment. “A true tragedy. Guess I need to go to another server again.”

Those words caught Zedaph’s attention rather quickly. He’d only half listened before but you now had his entire attention.

His mouth spoke faster than he could think. “Why would you go somewhere else? Especially for violence?”

He turns to you and is greeted with your confusion. Perplexion shows itself well on your face, accentuated by a small head tilt. It was a silent way of asking “are you really asking this” or a simple curiosity. Either or really. Yet this didn’t clear his confusion at all. If anything, it made everything just that more muddled. Why are you acting like he should know the answer?

“No I genuinely don’t understand. Can you please explain?” Zedaph hoped you could actually clear his confusion rather than make it worse. You had to. After all, people usually start to clear up what they said after you ask at least once or twice.

“Well you guys have no violence,” You reply so matter of factly. This still doesn’t help. Zedaph’s mild fear and confusion must’ve been evident as you continued with your explanation. “It’s rather simple really. I feed off of violence, in a crude description of it. And I could spark some conflict here rather easily, get my fill without having to leave. But I like you guys too much to just make you suffer so. That’s why I asked. Because if I did it, the conflict would be so much worse than what you guys would create.”

Zedaph was baffled and stumped. Okay that made sense yet didn’t all at the same time. Like yeah some people thrive off of drama, so violence could be similar-ish. He was just making excuses at this point. He really didn’t understand any of that.

“And you guys rarely make sacrifices as well,” you muse, not taking into account that you lost Zedaph literally ages ago.

“Excuse me did you say “sacrifices” because I must’ve heard wrong. Nobody really makes sacrifices in this day and age.” Zedaph was getting more unnerved with each new thing you mention. It’s like the more you talk, the worse everything gets.

“Yeah I said sacrifices. Gosh you’re so silly,” you giggle at his “ignorance”. “People still make sacrifices! You just aren’t in the right crowd when it happens, that’s all.”

“Okay and uuh,” his confusion blurs everything ever more. How could he nicely and politely state this? Is there a nice way to state or ask what in God’s name was going on? “What do they sacrifice, exactly?”

“You know, the usual things,” another answered in a manner that just screamed “you should know this man”. Like a teenager with their fads. “Like items and that jazz. Things that are deemed “important” or whatever. You know, the usual sacrifice stuff.”

“No, I have no clue why,” his irritation was becoming very apparent. “That’s why I was asking.”

“Oh well I’m no good at explaining this type of stuff,” you mutter, going deep into your thoughts. “You know what? I should get going. I don’t want to bother you much more.”

Zedaph sees you walk out a door and tries to stop you, yet you’re gone before he knows it. You just magically poof away the moment you’re out of sight. Wow you are just so darn fast. The awkward energy became too much? Or was it the explanation that chased you away? Did he pressure you too much?

Questions ran rampant in his mind after your interaction. He wanted answers for them, but he’d have to wait until he saw you again to ask.

______________________________________________________________

Many other odd events go on across the server. Each having one thing in common: you. You were in every interaction where something odd was mentioned or happened. After stories were traded about your interaction with each of them, it finally became too much to ignore. Yes, all of them had little quirks or be quirky in general, but this was excessive. Maybe it was just the style you did things, but they needed confirmation.

So they called together a meeting. One where everyone could hear what you had been up to and these anomalous events.

Around their little circle they went, each recounting your actions and the events that happened afterwards. With each person you became more peculiar, more of a figure to be gawked at. There were so many things and all so incredible.

Doc recounted how you were helping him with his redstone and in turn trying to learn the redstone Doc was doing. It was supposed to be a day-long-ish lesson for you two. Everything had gone well, quite normal, in fact.

You were rather studious, watching his actions slowly and taking all he did into memory. A few questions were brought up, which was also a normal thing. Redstone was a rather confusing subject. But then an odd question came out of practically nowhere. Nothing prompted it, as far as Doc was aware. Well, one thing could’ve but even then it was farfetched.

He had mentioned how he was a block or two short on what he needed. A block that’d fit the color scheme of the farm he had been working on. And you simply asked if he needed a block because you had one on you. He replied with a simple yes and that should’ve been the end of the interaction, besides the transition of said item.

Dropped into his unsuspecting hands was a block of bedrock. It was black and grey. Something that went with what he was building with. So he placed it down without much of a second thought. But when he tried to move it later on, he realized what had happened. Though how it all exactly happened was a mystery. How could you have gotten some bedrock?

When everybody at the meeting had shared what was going on, it was clear. Clear but not clear. It was like you had some powers. Admin powers, to be exact. But you weren’t an admin. Far from it. You had only recently joined the server. So that begged the question; how did you obtain those items and why were you reacting the way you were?

Your actions seemed to hold little to no regard for those you found “unimportant” but hyperfocused on those you did. Aloof was another way to describe your demeanor. An aloof person that held a regal air around them. Like nothing could touch them.

Their chatter was growing in volume the longer they were together. Arguing ensued over what could be going on. Was some mythical force at work? Were you some type of hybrid? A hybrid with powers they were unaware of? Were you a hacker? The possibilities were nearly endless but one thing was certain; you were not a normal hermit.

A loud cough broke through the cacophony of voices, effectively silencing them. Confusion soon took hold of the group. Wait, everyone was here though. And nobody in the circle did it. Right? It didn’t sound like any of them, at least. Another cough was released and almost every head in that circle whipped toward the direction the cough originated from. Their answer stood behind them, at the entrance.

You stood there, a confused look adorned your face along with a little head tilt. Why were you here? Did anybody invite you? They didn’t remember inviting you. At least the majority of them didn’t.

Scar quickly got out of his chair, walking over for a hug and some greetings. He thanked you for coming and gave you the unfortunate news that the meeting was coming to a close. Man he really told you the wrong time, huh? That was his bad.

You simper, shifting your view over to the remaining hermits. Grin widening, you give them a squinted smile and a little hand wave.

It was obvious now, didn’t need to be said. But it seemed Scar had invited you along as well. They really should have specified who needed to come to the meeting instead of “everyone” because- well this could work in their favor.

“So what’d I miss,” you ask, making your way over the hermits with Scar by your side. “Scar didn’t exactly tell me what this was all about. But he didn’t know either. Did you all miss some information when you were inviting people?”

They look between each other, trying to find someone with the courage to break the question to you. One of them had to do it, but which one of them would?

Finally a brave soul spoke up. It was their admin, Xisuma. Grateful couldn’t even describe how they felt when he started to talk to you.

“We’ve actually been meaning to ask you something,” Xisuma speaks in a measured and steady tone. One that gave away no weakness he might’ve been experiencing. Like anxiety or how awkward it was to even ask someone something about themselves. Something that would, in usual cases, be seen as an insult or something akin to that. A negative thing.

“Oh,” you play his game, humoring him and going along with the unspoken script. “What do you want to know?”

“It’s actually quite simple really,” Xisuma starts, but soon pauses again. A few false starts later and he’s back on his feet, metaphorically anyways. “This is going to sound very odd and quite possibly rude. But are you, um, are you a god, by chance?”

Silence came to suffocate the room after his question came out into the open. The air was tense with anxiety.

“Oh yea that,” you giggle. “Yea I am. So what?”

“I’m sorry, but did you say “so what”?” Xisuma wanted clarification because there was no way you just answered with that. “So what”? That was definitely an unexpected answer. Honestly they weren’t expecting too much or too much. It was hard to tell.

“Yes I did,” you speak your words slowly and methodically, checking the reactions of everyone in the room. Like a switch your words flow from a molasses like pace to water. “Look I’d absolutely love to get into this and talk with you all about this in depth, but it really isn’t a good idea. I haven’t had the best experiences with explaining this type of stuff with… well with beings like you.”

Everyone was giving each other looks, silently asking each other “is this really going on” or “Excuse me, what now”. Silence settles over the group again. You leave them some time to ponder over the news, but not enough for it to cause any trouble. At least that’s what you think.

You clap your hands and it echoes around the room, once again catching everyone’s attention. “Look like I said, I’d love to explain this all to you. This isn’t the best time though. So why don’t we just chill out? Talk to each other like the friends we are! You guys have cookies, right? Scar said you guys would have cookies.”

[thebangtantale]

The Truce - part three

✿ Pairing: jungkook x reader

✿ Genre: Enemies To Lovers!AU - Fake dating!AU

✿ Summary: Jungkook is the very last person you want to spend your precious time with. But what happens when the universe keeps putting him in your way ? As if being your partner for a semester project wasn’t enough, he also needs you to be his stupid fake girlfriend.

✿ Warning: language and that's all for this one ( the spice will come soon, be a little more patient)

✿ Rating: NSFW (not yet)

✿ Word Count: 4.1k

✿ Status: In progress

✿ Masterlist ✿

✿ A/N: The beginning of this part gave me headache, I couldn't write at all, it felt horrible and it still does, but I'm so excited for what's coming next. The big twist is coming and I can't wait omg... Hope you'll like it. Kisses. -Violet

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

“I beg your fucking pardon ?” you ask, stunned.

He winces at your choice of word.

“Forget it, that was a bad idea.”

“No please, pursue, now that you started.” You ask, not sure if it’s ironic or if you really want to know.

“You wouldn’t do it either way so why would I care to explain ?”

“Maybe if I knew why, I would help you ? But right now I gotta say I’m not fully convinced by your idea.” You say, not even close to accept. But your curiosity is peaking through the roof and you want to know why would Jeon Jungkook would need you, out of all people, to be his fake girlfriend for the night.

“Because my parents have been wanting to meet my girlfriend for God knows how long and now that my mom thinks that you are, she won’t let go.” He answers and you just don’t understand him.

“Why don’t you ask your real girlfriend to come then? You could just explain the situation to your mom. I’m sure she’d understand.” You say, losing patience little by little.

“Because I don’t have one.” He states, not even bothered.

You stare at him for a second, waiting for a laugh, a grin, anything that would prove that what he just said was a joke. But he doesn’t move.

“You don’t have a girlfriend ?” You ask, losing your mind over this man’s behaviour.

“No I don’t.” He answers, as if it was completely normal. Which usually would be, but at the moment is absolutely not.

“Jungkook, I swear to God, would you please care to explain, I’m so lost right now and I’m doing my best not to be angry at you, but it’s complicated when you make no effort whatsoever to help me understand this fucking situation !” Your voice is louder than you intended to, but this whole thing is getting on your nerves.

“Well, I told both my parents I was in a relationship…” He stops and he doesn’t seem very determined to continue.

“Because…?” You try to encourage him. He takes a moment to look at you, observes every movement you make, seemingly evaluating if he should tell you or not. And after a good minute, he resigns.

“My dad is the founder of HYBE. He wants me to take the position of CEO when I’m done with college. The thing is, being a CEO is not just about the job. I will have to give it all into my work but I’ll also have to prove to literally half of South Korea that I’m trustworthy enough to be in this position.” He stops for a second, gauging your reaction, and seeing you, all ears, not an ounce of judgement in your eyes, he continues.

“I don’t necessarily have a bad reputation, not at all actually. But there’s a difference between being the son of the founder and being the CEO. People will expect more of me. My parents want me to get married, this way, I’ll look more serious and therefore more trustworthy.”

“ What the fuck ?” You let out loud, half conscious of the sound you just made.

“Yes… So I told my parents I had a girlfriend, this way they wouldn’t try and make me date some random girl that would then make me become a husband.” He winces, and you do too.

“So, what you’re telling me right now…” You stop, gulping, head buzzing from the information processing. “ You’re saying that your mom think I’m probably you’re future wife ?” Jungkook forces a very awkward smile, the kind that doesn’t make you feel any more comfortable.

“Ah… well… yes, I think she does.” He says, scratching the back of his head, a little ashamed to admit it.

« And you want me to act like I’m actually in a relationship with you ? » You ask, dumbfounded.

« Yes. » He answers firmly.

« What the fuck Jungkook ? » You’re not even mad anymore at this point, you’re just trying to understand.

« What ? Does it sounds so crazy ? »

« Yes it does. You fucking hate my guts, why would you want me to be your fake girlfriend ? » This doesn’t make sense to you. Why would he even try to make his parents believe, you, out of everybody, is his girlfriend, when the both of you can barely stay more than two minutes together without being rude. You’re looking for an answer in his gaze but you don’t find any.

“Why don’t you just tell your mom I’m not your girlfriend and just let it go ?” You try, but you know that the situation is probably more complicated than that to him.

“I don’t want to disappoint her.” He says, so simply, and it hurts because you know this sensation. You look at him and every bit of anger is long gone, you’re just curious about this side of Jungkook you never got to see until now.

“You know what, just forget abo-“

“Okay, I’ll do it. But I do have one condition.” You state firmly, trying to look as intimidating as possible, when truly, you have no idea what you’re doing right now.

“Yes, whatever it is that you want.” He immediately agrees, relief flooding his face.

“This is only for tonight.” Something in his eyes flickers, but he accept nonetheless, shaking the hand that you offered a second before, concluding your pact.

“It’s a deal then, just for tonight.”

You’re not quite sure what made you agree to all of this bullshit Jungkook got you into. But the second you said yes, you weren’t sure if it was the best or the worst decision you’ve ever made.

“At what time are you picking me up ?” You asks, phone pressed against your left cheek, desperately trying to get ouf of your jeans to run into the shower.

“At six thirty, we need to be at the restaurant at seven. “

“What the fuck Jungkook ? That’s like, in an hour ?”

“And what about it ?” He says nonchalantly.

“Jeon, I need to get ready to look like some kind of wife, and you expect me to do so in an hour ?” You asks, already half mad at him and you hear him laughs at the other end of the line. “Stop laughing or I swear I won’t show up tonight.” You threaten.

“Calm down, I’m sure you’ll look all wifey-material, just… don’t take your time.” He laughs again. “Why are you just arriving to your place tho ?”

“I needed to find something to wear ! I had absolutely nothing that was good enough for whatever tonight is going to be.”

“You could have worn what you usually wear, you always look really pretty and elegant.” His words are simple, but the effect they have on you is everything but that, and you can barely contain yourself over the feelings flooding you. You feel your cheeks burning, something flutters inside of you and you hate it. This really needs to stop.

“Okay Jungkook, I need to hurry the fuck up, see you later !” You don’t let him say another word and hang up, jumping straight into the hot steam of your shower, doing your best to forget what he just said.

From Jeon Jungkook:

“Get your ass down here, i’m outside.”

You get one last glance at your final look and deem yourself good enough. You did your very best to look as presentable and good as possible, but after all, why do you even make so much effort ? It’s not like you care, and it’s not even like tonight was real.

You get outside as quickly as your heels and dress allows you to go. It’s a midi dark green silky dress, pretty simple but very elegant, and you had been told several times that green looked good on you. When you get outside of your building, you see Jungkook in a black suit and white shirt, resting on his car, scrolling on his phone, as if this situation was totally normal. As if he was casually waiting for his girlfriend to come for a date night. But this is not a date night, and Jungkook is not your boyfriend.

When he hears your heels clicking on the little stone from the pathway, he gets his head up, and you could swear you see him widen his eyes a little bit. However, when he opens his mouth, a good moment after staring at you, you’re pretty sure it was just an hallucination.

“Not too bad, I guess it will have to do.” You’re too stunned to even answer. You just spent the past hour rushing through your make up routine, you even styled your hair and hearing the man say this just makes you furious, also maybe a little sad. But the last part you’d never admit.

He opens the car’s door for you and you don’t say a word, you just get inside, already regretting your decision.

“You okay ? You didn’t say a word since we left your place.” He finally asks, frowning, getting out of the parked car.

“Yes, perfectly. Let’s just finish this as quickly as possible.” You reply, walking way too fast for your high heels, ankles threatening to twist.

“Come on, just tell me what’s wrong, I can see you’re not normal.” His step getting louder as he speeds his pace, coming to your level.

“This is what I’m like around you Jungkook, get used to it.”

“Come on, tell me, I’m not going inside when you’re acting like this.”

“Well, that sounds like a YOU problem, I couldn’t care less. I guess my behaviour will have to do.” Jungkook doesn’t say anything for a moment, processing your words, and finally it hits him.

“That’s what it is about ? Come on, stop acting like a fucking child, grow up a little bit. You look good Y/N, now get rid of your shitty mood and let’s head inside.” He spits, and you’re even more angry at him for judging your reaction as if he wouldn’t have done the same if you had said something like that to him, after putting so much effort into whatever all of this is.

And his reply doesn’t make things any better, for the simple reason that you know he says this just to make you feel better, and not because he actually believes it. You’re mad at him. At each step that you take, you can feel the anger levelling up inside your body. What drives you even more crazy is that you don’t understand why you’re this mad. Of course it wasn’t cool of him to say that, and you have the right to be a little annoyed but you certainly shouldn’t be this mad, just for this. It’s as if Jungkook made the worst come out of you, and you fucking hate it.

You still let him take you inside the restaurant. The place is in the city center, and it looks fancy as fuck. Maybe it won’t be so bad, the food is usually amazing in this king of restaurant, and you’re a whore when it comes to anything edible. Announcing his name at the reception, the lady takes a look to the both of you, and her eyes lingers a tad too long on Jungkook’s figure. Can you really blame her ? She eventually leads you both to your table, Jungkook slipping his fingers through yours on the way and you hate how much you love it. You hate how secure it makes you feel. You hate how well your hand fits in his. You hate how right it feels. It makes you mad at him even more.

When you arrive at the table, it’s another story. A wave of anxiety hits you for whatever reason. Maybe it is because you’ll be lying to his parents, maybe it is because none of you really prepared this and you have no idea what you’re going to tell them, maybe it is because you’ll have to pretend to love someone you hate, or maybe it is because you’ll officially meet Jungkook’s parents, and that is a big deal.

You thought his parents would be very intimidating, especially his dad, and even more after Jungkook’s little speech this morning, but they just happen to be immensely charming and nice to you. Her mom is so friendly it almost hurts and his dad is making everything possible to make you comfortable, the conversation flowing with ease.

When the appetizer and the entrées are long gone, waiting for the main course, things gets a little bit more tense for Jungkook and yourself, unbeknownst to his parents.

« So, how did the two of you met ? Jungkook has been saying he has a girlfriend for months now but we barely know a thing about the both of you. » His dad says, a kind smile arboring his face.

You hold on for a second, waiting to see if Jungkook is going to say anything, and you pray he does because you’re so bad at lying when you’re stressed out. You let out the biggest internal sigh ever when he starts speaking.

« We met at a party. » Jungkook stops for a moment and turns to look at you, his right arm resting on your chair, touching you shoulders. You stare at him, confused. You didn’t think he would remember that. Actually, you were almost sure he forgot about it. He obviously didn’t, and you’re not really sure how to feel at the moment. A little smile makes its way on his face and he continues.

« We didn’t really got along at first, it was quite terrible actually. » And you can’t help but nod, this part is completely true, the problem is that it’s probably the only thing coming out of Jungkook’s mouth that isn’t a lie tonight.

« We got paired up for a group project at uni and eventually we had to sort things out, and well, here we are today. » Your gaze turns to his parents who are both staring fondly at you two and you can’t help but feel uncomfortable. It feels wrong to lie to such nice and kind people, you wish you didn’t have to be so dishonest with them. They might want their son to be married, but they obviously want him to be happy before anything else. If only they knew how unhappy Jungkook is whenever he’s with you.

The dinner passes rather quickly and you’re surprised it went so well, what surprises you even more is that you actually had a great time. Jungkook had been a perfect gentleman the whole night and it’s hard to remember why you were even angry at him before coming. He’s very kind to his parents, and his parents are even kinder to you. It feels right and you almost forget that you’re just playing pretend.

When the waiter comes to pour some champagne in your glasses after the dessert is served, you can feel the evening is coming to an end and you almost regret it.

« Ah, Y/N my dear, did I told you how beautiful you look tonight ? My Jungkook is one lucky boy. Aren’t you my Jungkookie ? » You can’t help but smile at the use of the very, very endearing name but you still feel your whole face going red from the compliment. You’re going to thank his mom when Jungkook precede you.

« Yes omma, I’m very lucky. » Your eyes meet his and you feel as if you had been shove off your feet. Jungkook’s eyes look like they hold so much stars it could be a whole fucking galaxy. You’d never seen him look at you this way before. You actually had never seen him look at anything like this before. Except maybe that one time you made him some ramyeon with a bunch of cheese past midnight after one of your late study session. You weren’t the one he was looking like that tho, it was the ramyeon. But there is not one noodle in sight in this restaurant, and Jungkook’s eyes are fixed on you.

You feel your whole being burning inside and before you can question the way your body reacts to his gaze, his dad interrupts your thoughts.

« Wouldn’t it be great if we had a picture of them both honey ? Look at them, they look so in love. I think we should do something to remember this moment. »

Something completely flips in your stomach when you hear the L word and you’re convinced you could throw up on the table from the amount of things that’s going on in your belly at the very moment. You wait for a second and then another for Jungkook to protest to what had just been said or at least to say something, anything. But he doesn’t. And while his mom, absolutely thrilled by her amazing husband idea, is taking her phone out of her purse, Jungkook brings himself much much closer to you. You can feel is right arm lay gently on your shoulder, his left hand taking your right on the table, intertwining your fingers together. His actions are slow and he takes his time while your heart is beating at an inhuman speed. His legs are getting closer too and you can feel his knee brushing gently against your thigh. Finally he looks at you and smiles. Everything stops for a second, the flash goes on and the picture is taken. You don’t even have the time to smile, a little too absorb into the sight of the man sitting next to you. You’re captivated by Jungkook, his beautiful eyes that shines so bright, and his pretty smile that makes him looks like a little kid. You’re in your world and you almost don’t register what is being said, but when you do, you nearly fall off your chair.

“Maybe it is a little too much for me to ask, but could I potentially have one with a kiss ?” Her mom asks, shy and cheeky at the same time and if you had been drinking your champagne at this exact moment, you would be choking.

You turn to Jungkook, unsure if you really want this to happen or if you don’t, trying to find an answer in his gaze. When he presses his hand into yours a little deeper, leaning your way, you get your answer. You watch him get closer little by little and time seems to go by ten times slower. You resign, leaning over just a tiny bit, and when you close your eyes, you feel like your whole body could burn right here, right there.

When his lips meets your forehead, you’re surprised, and again, you’re uncertain if you’re disappointed or not. His soft mouth rests a few second on your skin and you’re keeping your eyes closed, relishing the feeling of his plush lips on your body.

You can see the flash going on again behind your eyelids and you expect Jungkook to withdraw. When he lingers a moment longer, you feel something jump so high in your stomach you almost feel dizzy. He eventually retreats and the way he looks at you when he straighten himself makes you melt.

You’re still a little bit dizzy from the champagne, or the kiss, when you head out of the restaurant, and you’re really happy about this whole night. When you turn around and see Jungkook’s parent behind you, his mom watching you so fondly, you immediately regret most of it. All of this was a lie, the dinner, as nice as it was, was just a mascarade. You and Jungkook are everything but a happy couple and you instantly feel miserable that you lied to his parents. They don’t deserve this, and you’re not a liar.

“We should do this again very soon, what do you say Y/N ?” His dad asks you, and Jungkook looks at you, almost pleading you with his eyes to say yes. But a deal’s a deal, and it was only for tonight. You can’t keep up with this whole bullshit. As right as it felt, all of this was wrong.

“Oh it would be my pleasure. But I’m afraid it’s going to be little be complicated for me in the days to come. College is a lot of work lately.” You try to spare him as much as possible and it works. He eventually lets the topic go and the four of you say your goodbye, not without Jungkook’s mom giving you the tightest hug, and thanking you for taking such good care of her son.

You feel absolutely terrible on the way home. You should not have agreed to do this, now they are expecting more from the both of you and you can’t give them that. They think their son is all happy with you when he’s absolutely not, and you, well you’re just a big liar. You don’t even want to imagine what they would think of you if they discovered you both lied tonight. Now, you understand why Jungkook didn’t want to disappoint his mom, it sounds horrible after meeting her twice, so after being her son his whole life ? Can hardly think about it.

“Did my parents made you uncomfortable?” Jungkook is parked in front of your building, once again, and this starts to feel usual. You turn to him quickly, unsure what he means by that.

“No… Absolutely not, actually. Why ?” You answer, your eyes full of questions.

“Well, first the pictures…” He laughs it off and your cheeks redden a little too quickly to your taste at the thought of his hand in yours, his mouth on you. To your lack of response, he continues.

“And also because you tried to dodge when my dad asked to do this again.” You heartbeats fasten at his words. You didn’t think he would question your behaviour. This was supposed to be discussed and all set.

“Yes, yes I did. What did you want me to do ? Say yes ?” You laugh, hoping that he would join you, but he doesn’t.

“Well yeah, you should have said yes ! Didn’t you enjoy tonight ?” He’s getting defensive and you don’t particularly like it.

“We were clear Jungkook, this was for tonight and tonight only.” You state very firmly, avoiding to address the fact that you did, actually, very much enjoyed tonight.

“Oh come on, would one more night kill you ?” He asks, anger painted on his face and it seems the both of you found your rhythm once again.

“No it wouldn’t Jungkook, but for fuck sake, we both agreed it was only for tonight and there is no fucking way I’m lying to your parents, again ! This is not right, I hated every bit of tonight because I knew I was lying straight to their faces. They deserve better !” The words are coming out of your mouth so fast you don’t even have the time to process what you’re saying and Jungkook’s face is getting colder at each word you say.

“You hated every bit of tonight huh ?” He spits, his eyes killing you with every second staring at you. You’re not certain what to say. Is it worth saving whatever this is ? Maybe your relationship with Jungkook is too far gone in the depth of hate and anger to be saved at all. Maybe there is nothing to save. Maybe you’re doomed to find yourself in this situation of bitterness and anger all the time, no matter how great it was a second ago. And perhaps you’re too scared to try and see where this path could lead you. So you lie for the nth time tonight.

“Yes I did, now could we go back to the classmate who hate each other, please ?” You’re not proud of yourself, but it’s too late now. Jungkook sighs and unlock the car from the inside so you can leave.

“Alright.” He pauses and you almost, almost tell him you regret what you just said. “I’ll see you on monday. Now get out of my car.” His voice is calm but so cold and his gaze could have killed you twice. You get out of his car without another word and you feel your eyes burning, water filling them quickly. Why do you even feel this way ? Why is it even worse when he doesn’t insult you ? You close the door behind you and as you make your way to your door, pathway blurry from the tears, you hear his car leaving aggressively into the night.

This time he didn’t wait for you to be safe inside the building to leave.

[philliamwrites]

killing me softly with his song | (Childe / Reader) [chpt.02]

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairing: Childe / Reader

Tags: #fem!reader, #from childhood friends to lovers, #reader is a fatui agent, #slow burn, #unresolved sexual tension, #mature language, #forbidden love

Words: 3.5k

Summary: "Lybuov zla, polyubish i kozla,“ sighs your sister as she wipes off the table, but that makes you feel even more miserable. Falling for a goat might save you from an actual heartbreak by Tartaglia’s hands.

Notes: Part 1

Masterlist

Chapter 2

At the barracks’ canteen reigns the unspoken rule that no one is allowed to cook borsch, and trying to do so is punished by cleaning all windows with cold water only in the middle of the night. Can’t see anything because the nights at the outskirts of Zapolyarny are blacker than out in the taiga? Tough luck. There are so many different recipes as there are families out there, and everyone has their very own way to make it. Fatui agents have brought each other to the hospital wing over fighting which recipe is the best, therefore a couple of years before Tartaglia and you enrolled, this rule was established.

Sitting out in the cold of Jaroslawk at four in the morning, you’d kill for a hot bowl of your mamochka’s borsch—the best in Morepesok even though Tartaglia begs to differ, but the only problem with his claim is that he is fucking wrong.

Through your binoculars you see everything is quiet and dark on the other side of the compound, which is a good sign. Unfortunately, good also means very boring. You’ve been lying in the exact same position for nearly three hours now: on your belly, elbows slightly propping your upper body to see the Baron’s estate that’s embraced by a forest like a mother cradling its child. Tales have it if you make even one little mistake inside those cold brick walls, Baron Igor would personally see to it that you don’t leave these woods alive and whatever his hellish guard dogs don’t finish eating up, his servants would send to your family as a small parting gift and warning to get as far and fast away as possible.

If only he were as thorough covering his tracks as he is scaring people, but Baron Igor has never really excelled at multiple things and now, months after the first little bird brought some interesting insight, you can’t wait for Baron Igor to finally slip and confirm the rumours about him selling information on one of Il Dottore’s gun research labs to a spy from Sumeru. Intel has it exchanges usually occur once every full moon and with the orb now hidden behind thick, black clouds, this is the last chance to get some evidence before the ship leaving to Sumeru carries whoever deserves a knife in their windpipe back to their God of Wisdom.

Baron Igor has messed up, got too arrogant, and now you and your team are here to make sure he eats up his mess. It wasn’t easy to infiltrate his mansion. Mitsuki only passed because you took out two of the other contesters for one of the Baron’s favourite restaurants down in Nowobirsk. That man bows to greed and when introduced to the place’s new maître d’hôtel—the best of his kind, the most exotic to own during their flimsy ceasefire with Inazuma—Baron Igor acted swiftly and hired him. Mitsuki had gagged at those words while lieutenant Scaramouche had shown the patience of a man barely holding himself back from violence. Two days later, Mitsuki took his position as spy and head waiter of the Baron’s personal restaurant taking up the whole second floor in the right wing of his stone mansion.

“Fuck me, I look like a penguin,” Mitsuki had said on the night before his work began at the estate, glaring at himself in the mirror dressed in a sharply tailored tuxedo.

“Then we know who to call if Baron Igor decides to open a zoo,” Mikhail had said, but he was in no hurry to turn away his appreciative gaze from how tight Mitsuki’s black pants tugged his slim legs and ass.

That’s the team, Mitsuki, you and Mikhail—Lock, Shock and Barrel, one of your fellow division’s comrade likes to call you for unknown reasons, simply laughing to himself and shaking his head as if trying to get rid of a good memory. Though for all that Scaramouche is concerned, to him you’re triple double and a clusterfuck he doesn’t want anywhere near him or so help him Her Majesty the Tsaritsa, he’ll stake your heads and scatter your remains to the seagulls terrorising the coast of Port Odessa.

“He loves us,” Mikhail likes to joke, even though you aren’t sure the words love and Scaramouche should be used in one sentence.

“One day, he’ll kill one of us with his bear hands and feel nothing,” Mitsuki commonly remarks, sounding like whatever you’d do to receive such a punishment is probably ghastly enough to justify being murdered.

“His hat is pretty neat,” is usually your only contribution and they both look at you as if you’re crazy.

“Any movement?” a voice asks from your right. Mikhail shakes still fresh snow from his head and shoulders as he dugs under the narrow doorway, looking like a puppy trying to shake itself dry. Now that a year has passed since a Geo Vision user crushed his right arm and healers had to amputate it to save his life, he’s adapted pretty well to only one arm and hand at his disposal. He’s balancing a cup in his palm while holding two paper bags with his fingers and somehow makes it look easy. He rejoins you at the window, carefully placing the steaming cup and one bag in front of you. You hand him your binoculars so he can see for himself, and inspect your breakfast. “Do I even want to know where you found,” you peak inside the bag, “pirozhky at a time like this?”

“Couple of blocks down there’s this place. Really nice lady, gave me one for free and added a little extra to our coffee.”

You take a sip, and instantly begin coughing and pounding your chest as it goes down burning. “Archons, that’s disgusting. Who in their right mind puts Fire-Water in their coffee?”

“I know, right?” Mikhail beams. “It’s genius.”

It’s ghastly. You take another sip. Horrible, really. But it keeps you warm and awake. So maybe it isn’t that bad at all.

While Mikhail observes the area, you dig into your beef and onion pirozhky. There’s nothing fun about pulling an all-nighter but sometimes sharing a cup of coffee and eating warm food helps to get through them. Also knowing someone suffers with you. Sharing pain is gain, after all.

“Well, they sure like taking their sweet time,” Mikhail mumbles, getting a little more comfortable on the cold stone ground. He puts the binoculars away and digs into his own food. “What are we gonna do if nothing happens today?”

“Then we’ll come back next month and do it all over again.” Hopefully you don’t have to. Fyrva’snezh was two weeks ago but this winter started off particularly brutal. Two out of three units are still missing from their outskirts training and you don’t want to be in the poor lasses’ and lads’ shoes who are still at the infirmary recovering from severe hypothermia. “What worries me more is that Mitsuki might lose his sanity if he stays there another whole month.”

“Well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger,” Mikhail says, wiping his greasy fingers off his pants. “I just want to wipe that smug smirk off the Baron’s pig face.”

He and probably every citizen populating Jaroslawk. “Once Mitsuki locates the communication point, we’ll go in and neutralise the target if we can’t catch him alive,” you say. “Baron Igor will try and weasel his way out of it but so far all evidence stands against him. The rest is up to Her Majesty.” And the Tsaritsa is known for many things, but mercy isn’t one of them. That will show anyone else trying to make business behind her back.

“Do you really think Mitsuki will endure another month in that stupidly tight uniform?” Mikhail sounds like he very much wished for another month out in the cold like this if it meant Mitsuki would bless him for a while longer wearing his uniform.

You stretch your leg and kick him in his shin. “Don’t jinx this, Nozhyalensky,” you say. “No matter how good his ass looks in those pants, it isn’t worth freezing your own ass off out in this cold. If we have to extend our mission, I’m going to steal your coat and own it for the whole time.”

“You don’t care if I freeze to death?”

“I really don’t.”

He puts his hand on his heart in mock despair. “That’s harsh.”

It would be his own fault, no hard feelings. You sit in silence, sharing your scalding hot coffee. In the mansion on the other side, a light flickers on in the east wing. Mikhail shifts and makes a disgusted grunt. “I did not want to know the Baron is banging the Duchess of Pavlovich.”

“Might be good leverage in the future.” You quickly dot it down in your notebook, squinting at the barely illuminated page. “Especially if the Duke refuses to pay his taxes again. I’m sure we can get to him through her.”

More minutes pass in silence. Mikhail continues his watch while you start to mindlessly doodle a little Foul Legacy Child in the corner of your page. You wonder what time it is in Liyue. Is Childe also out on a mission or tugged in and sleeping well in a land that knows nothing of harsh winds and freezing nights. Does he spare a thought of home? Is he missing you as much as you miss him or has he already filled the gnawing void with faceless, warm women that comfort him at night?

“Heard anything from our comrades in Liyue?” Mikhail asks nonchalantly, but he’s always been the poorest liar of you three and it’s pretty obvious where this conversation is going. Part of you hungers for that conflict.

“They still can’t find whoever killed the Geo Archon. But Lord Childe might have located the Gnosis and has begun his infiltration.”

Chances are good he might succeed in another month or so, though from the letters you’ve received so far, it sounds like he might succeed fucking the consultant of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor before that. Tartaglia has never started anything serious with guys before, safe from occasionally drunk making outs, but new cultures could change a lot in you and it’s Tartaglia’s first time staying for so long in Liyue and meeting a man like this so called Zhongli.

Mikhail clicks his tongue in disgust. “I can’t believe this guy is over there for three months already and is still nowhere near finishing the job.” He spits at the ground and twists his mouth in a very familiar manner of annoyance—only usually this expression is meant for initiate Fatui members who can’t tell a shotgun from a sniper rifle.

“How can you still be mad at him for handing you your ass three years ago,” you say. A man’s ego is such a frail thing, thank the Tsaritsa for being a strong, independent woman.

“This isn’t about that stupid fight,” Mikhail splutters, red blotches creeping up his neck. His inability to lie is abysmal. “I don’t get how you stand that guy. His arrogance needs its own giant room to fit inside. Someone needs to knock him down a peg or two and maybe beat out this need to whore around as well—”

You move in a flash. Mikhail doesn’t have any time to react before he finds himself on his back, pinned down by your weight with a knife to his throat. “Mikhail, I love you like my own kin and you know I’d take a bullet for you any time,” you growl. “But speak another filthy word about Childe and I will cut off your tongue and feed it to street dogs while watching you bleed out like a slaughtered pig. Are we clear?”

You feel Mikhail’s chest rising and falling under your spread hand, his body warm, proof of his life. How easy it would be to take it from him, to warm the cold, dirty ground with his blood.

Mikhail’s dark eyes don’t give away anything. He’s holding very still, like a cornered animal faced with its hunter; don’t move and maybe it thinks one is dead. Eventually, he says quietly, “If you could see what an unlikeable, unpleasant person he really is, maybe...” He doesn't finish. There is no need to. You know very well what point he’s trying to make.

“I don’t need your supervision,” you say. “Or your pity.”

Mikhail barks a loud, humourless laugh. “Lassie, if I had an ounce of pity left for anyone else than myself, I wouldn’t be very good at this job, would I?”

You shift your weight. Mikhail groans as you put pressure on a wound a Pyro Vision user inflicted on him a week ago that hasn’t fully healed yet—a favour for Mikhail to prevent him from following his train of thought. You don’t know what is worse: His unrequited love for Mitsuki or Tartaglia and you knowing what you both want but can’t have.

Mikhail quietly says your name and gently lowers your hand. The sharp knife has bit into his skin just enough to leave a fine, red line on his throat. “All I’m saying is, I am not the bad guy here.”

He is right, of course. But that makes it even worse, because without a bad guy, who could you put blame on? Who would be the target of your frustration and your scorn? Who would pay for countless sleepless nights wasted alone or in a stranger’s arms?

If there is no good, no bad side, no villains or heroes to put blame on, what does that leave for you? Just the law. It is hard, but it is the law.

There is no one but yourself who carries the burden. Even knowing Tartaglia goes through the same doesn’t soothe the pain steadily growing in your heart. You’re like two stars gravitating to each other, seeking the sweet collision to finally become one and create something bigger, the most exquisite light in the endless black galaxy, but whenever you manage to come close to each other, other forces pull you apart.

You shift your position from towering above him to slumping back on Mikhail’s lap, your anger deflated like a balloon.

“Arguing with you is no fun,” you mumble, sheathing the knife back in its place inside your boot.

Mikhail arches one dark brow. “Learnt from the best. You don’t want to get into an argument with my mama.”

“Are you two leaving me out from a team bonding session?” comes a static voice from your left.

“Darling, we would never leave you out from a potential threesome,” Mikhail says back, a wicked grin flirting with his mouth.

“Blergh,” you groan in disgust and roll off him, grabbing for the plastic piece from where Mitsuki’s voice has sounded; Il Dottore’s newest invention, a voice transmitter agents use for long distance communication.

“So, how’s it cooking, good looking?” Mikhail asks, ignoring your eyes rolling back. “Anything new at the front?”

Mitsuki is silent for a moment. Somewhere, a dog barks. “I think someone might have tipped the Baron off.”

Immediately, you feel Mikhail's body tense next to you. “Do you need us to come in?”

Oppressive silence fills the room. Mikhail jerks, but before he can jump to rash actions, you grab his arm hard enough to bruise. He freezes, and you both stare at the voice transmitter in Mikhail’s hand.

A moment later, static crackles, and Mitsuki says, “I received a note on the caviar shipment. Roads are all clear, it should come in around seven in the morning.”

Mikhail relaxes, but a sweat bead rolls from his temple and disappears behind his black turtle neck sweater. He sags against you, exhaling very loudly.

A couple of years ago, after you three had been working together and hadn’t tried to kill each other as often as other teams, you guys had decided to come up with your own secret language for times like these. Mikhail had first complained about the hours put into learning it the most—the semantics always changing depending on what line of work you’d infiltrate—but eventually even he had agreed it was a pretty neat trick. What Mitsuki has said simply means all is in order and the mission is proceeding smoothly.

“Little fucker,” Mikhail grumbles, ruffling his own hair just to keep his hand busy. You agree. It feels like you’ve aged five years in those last five minutes.

That relief is short lived. A small explosion from the right wing inside the mansion lights up the night like a firework show. Mikhail is out of the window in a flash. You grab your rifle, keeping an eye on him as he crosses the street in a flash and climbs over the iron gate.

Two shadows tumble through the hole in the second floor. You sway your scope, laying eyes on Mitsuki as he wrestles with a cloaked figure. Purple sparks fly, clashing with crimson flames that rise skyward and turn into black smoke. At least something is according to plan even though your Cryo Vision would be more effective.

You watch them fight for a moment, unable to get a clear shot as both are short distance fighters. Mitsuki moves quicker than a flash, whirling two hatches over his head, parrying a deathly bow from the Sumeru’s Claymore. Mitsuki is smaller than most of his comrades. People like to underestimate him, but that’s part of the fun, according to him. Proving people wrong. He dodges another swift strike, rolling out of the way and giving you a clear sight at your target. But over his shoulder, Mitsuki catches your eyes and gives the tiniest shake of his head. Not yet.

You wish he could see the stingy eye you’re giving him right now. You’ve waited long enough out in this cold and your whole body shakes with the need to move, the need to fight. A quick look to Mikhail shows he’s fending off two of the Baron’s guards himself. Luckily, they can’t really hold their stand against a fully trained Fatui agent. He quickly takes out his opponents, closing in on Mitsuki and the Sumeru agent. Mitsuki has driven him to the edge of the forest. So that’s his plan. You wait until the spy is right beneath a long, thick branch, then pull the trigger. The shot is muffled by the silencer, slicing through the air with infused Cryo power. It hits its target, cutting the branch off. The Sumeru spy is too slow. When the branch buries him under its weight, Mikhail finally catches up to Mitsuki, and through your scope you can see him patting Mitsuki down for injuries. Mitsuki pushes him away, not hard or in a mean way, just enough to signal this isn’t the time. The job isn’t done yet.

Mitsuki advances the spy and kneels, looking for signs of life. He looks up, his dark eyes searching your scope. He holds your gaze, picking up his voice transmitter.

“I have good and bad news,” he says. “The spy is still alive, so we’ll get our answers. But now I’m pretty sure the Baron knows what’s going on.”

“Then don’t just stand there, someone go after him, quick!” you yell in your transmitter.

Before Mikhail dashes off, you hear him curse. “Lord Scaramouche is going to kill us.”

He will, considered this was supposed to undergo without the Baron noticing anything.

* * *

Dear little tygress,

forgive my horrible handwriting. I am still shaking from all the laughter your last letter gave me. Zhongli-xiansheng was actually worried for my wellbeing because I had choked on air and almost died. I swear, you will kill me one day, little tygress.

Speaking of little and potential lethal beasts, I’m surprised Scaramouche didn’t use your head as a toilet plunger. I really do think he's fond of you, little tygress. Any other team would be six feet under by now. You have to tell me your secret once I’m back. Scaramouche still doesn’t know I broke his favourite, ugly cup with the bear on the front from Fontaine, and I want to be prepared once he knows.

Everything is the same in Liyue, and at the same time, everything is changing. Rex Lapis’ murder is still unsolved, and I do enjoy watching the little traveller boy run around looking for answers. Once I return with the Geo Archon’s gnosis, dinner will be on me.

How are things at home? I hope Tonia hasn’t finished all mooncakes by herself again and saved some for the rest of the bunch. I can’t bear to hear Anthon cry again about me only sending sweets to Tonia and Teucer. Has the old man gotten in touch with you? He still doesn’t reply to me, but mama says he’s reading the letters. Maybe a bottle of Liyue’s Baijiu will loose his tongue, or hand for that matter. It’s almost as good as Fire-Water, promise.

Till next time and don’t get too much on little ‘Mouche’s nerves, otherwise there will be no room left for me.

Yours, Red Fox

__________________________________________________

please drop by my ko-fi if you enjoyed my writing!

[minty-mumbles]

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep Ch. 6

Chapter Summery: Sky Dreams

Edit: Thank you to @mrowtastic for making fanart for this chapter! Check it out here

Read on AO3 Here

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

~~~

When Sky opened his eyes, he wasn't in the camp anymore. He hadn’t really expected to be, though.

He shook off any lingering sleepiness. The Dream would proceed whether or not he was paying attention, and something told him that this one would be important. He would want to pay attention.

Looking around, he took in his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was the wet, oppressive heat. It was stifling, making the air thick and hard to breathe. Sky could already feel himself getting lightheaded. The regular air on the surface was bad enough, but this was ten times worse. He was used to the thin air of Skyloft, not the muggy hell he found himself in now.

Although, he couldn't be certain whether he was on the surface or not. The area he had found himself in actually reminded him of the place he finally faced off against Demise. He was standing in a large, open space that seemed to go on forever. The floor was smooth and glassy, slippery beneath Sky's boots. The sky was a dark, unnatural color, red as a new scab. The clouds similarly red, billowed as if agitated.

The heat he felt could probably be attributed to the flames that were encircling the area. The flames were an unusual teal color, which Sky immediately recognized. It was ghost fire, the kind of flames that surrounded the spirits he could See. He had never seen so much of it at once though, and had never seen any of it without spirits to accompany it.

Sky noticed all of this vaguely, out of the corner of his eyes. His attention was solely focused on the creature in front of him.

When he first looked at it, he hadn’t quite comprehended what he was looking at. The scale of it alone was staggering. A massive cloud of ghost flames and smoke billowed in the middle of the area. At first, he couldn’t make out anything within the cloud.

But as he looked longer, he slowly began to realize that the cloud wasn’t just a cloud. It was some creature. Limbs peaked out from the flames. Some were feathered, others fleshy, others still were scaled. Eyes, too many and not in the right places, glowed, showing through the smoke.

The slow realization that this was a creature- no, a monster- repulsed Sky.

By itself, it wasn’t much to look at. It wasn’t that scary. Sky had seen worse beings. Most of it was obscured by smoke, anyways.

But something about it was just wrong. It triggered some primal instinct buried deep inside Sky that told him to run and not look back. He knew he couldn't do that, being trapped in this Dream, but the urge remained.

Despite his horror, he tried to stay as calm as he could. He knew that he couldn’t be harmed in the Dreams. The objects of his Dreams never even saw him. He was a third-party observant, and therefore perfectly safe.

He looked closer at the monster, no matter how much he didn’t want to. At first, he didn't see anything noticeable. But then a tendril of smoke shifted, revealing a hylian standing at the base of the cloud. They were minuscule compared to the size of it.

Sky dared to move closer to the sight, to try to make out the figure better. As he stepped closer, he realized that the figure wasn’t just a random person.

It was Wild.

Of course it was Wild. Sky picked up his pace, now nearly running to be closer to the scene. He knew that Dreams were always important, but something about this felt pivotal. Like maybe this was the most important event he had ever Seen.

The champion was just standing there. His hands were bound by chains of smoke and flame, but he didn’t fight, and neither did it seem like he was being burned by the ghost flames lapping at him. Despite Wild’s chains, the absurd thought crossed Sky’s mind that It looked like the creature was embracing the boy, enveloping him in its smoke and flames.

Sky skidded to a stop only a couple dozen feet from the site of conflict. He didn‘t dare go any closer, despite knowing he would be safe. His instincts were protesting being even this close to the beast. From this distance, he could see the state the champion was in, and it wasn’t pretty.

Wild was gasping. Although he didn’t fight, a snarl was stretched across his face, and it turned his expression into something feral. Something unfamiliar and horrifying.

Sweat mixed with tears dripping down his face. His hair, shorter than what Sky was used to seeing, was half pulled out of his ponytail, messy and unkempt. His clothes hung around him in tatters, soaked through with sweat and blood.

Blood seemed to ooze from him. He had no obvious wounds, but he was covered in it. It oozed from his eyes, his ears, his mouth, everywhere. When it dripped to the ground, it slicked the floor.

Wild looked up at the monster for what seemed like hours. The minutes stretched on. Sky knew that even if the Champion did fight, he wouldn’t be able to escape, not unless the monster willed it. It's hold was inescapable, and Sky was sure Wild knew it too.

A deep rumbling voice rang out, startling Sky. He hadn’t really expected either of the pair to speak.

The voice reminded Sky of Sun’s voice. It had a similar resonance to it. Unlike Sun’s, though, this voice did not chime sweetly, and it seemed as if there was nothing good about it. Instead, it was as if the voice was made up of the sound of stones striking the ground, of fire blazing through a house, of wind whistling through hair as you fell, knowing no one would catch you.

The voice was terrible. Great, yes. Awe-inspiring, even. But terrible.

“You must choose, hero. Be healed and change, or accept death, and change anyways. You must choose, now.”

As if that were a cue that Sky didn’t understand, both of the pair shifted back. The hold the creature had on Wild was released, Wild stood, facing the creature as if they had just been having a casual chat. Sky might have believed that if not for the blood still oozing, oozing, oozing from Wild.

“So...” The creature mused, “You have chosen.” The voice rumbled. Sky couldn’t tell if the creature was pleased or not.

Sky wanted to scream out in frustration. Wild hadn’t chosen anything. What did this all mean? This Dream was even more nonsensical than usual. His head was starting to feel fuzzy, as if it were filled with electricity.

“Go,” the voice ordered, leaving no room for complaints.

Wild obeyed without protest, something Sky had never known him to do. Even Time, who Wild seemed to have deemed the-only-one-who-can-tell-me-to-do-anything, would receive performative grumbles and defiance, even as Wild was simultaneously doing what Time ordered.

So to see Wild just obeying silently was so unusual it was almost repulsive.

The champion turned mechanically, stepping into the flames. They consumed him. His form turned black, withering and burning away into nothing unnaturally fast. Sky had to bite his lip to keep from crying out in panic, even knowing this was a Dream, and Wild was still safe back at the campsite.

When he turned back to the creature, though, he did cry out. He couldn’t help himself.

He was used to being a passive observer in his visions. He couldn’t interact with the people he Saw, or affect the vision in any way. In a way, he had become complacent. Even in a scene as tense and horrible as the one he was witness to now, he knew he was in no danger, and so, in an odd way, he was relaxed.

Any calmness fled him as he turned to face the beast. This vision seemed like it was going to break his complacency in half.

The creature’s eyes were staring straight at Sky. He still couldn’t make out most of its features, but one thing had come into sharp focus.

A smile. Large, too large for its face, and larger still. Too many teeth, and not all of them in the right places. And yet, from what Sky could make out, it seemed less malicious, and more… resigned.

It sickened him. He took a quick step backward, as the creature began to slowly ooze towards him, tenderly of smoke creeping along the floor towards him.

Unfortunately, just because Wild, the source of the blood pooled on the floor, was gone, did not mean that the blood itself was gone.

Sky slipped, cracking his head on the glassy surface of the ground. He groaned, his head throbbing, the world spinning.

“Why do you try to run from me, Hero? I am inescapable.” The words drew Sky’s scattered attention back to their speaker. The voice had lost its resonance. Now, it was raspy and off-putting.

Sky could only lay still and tremble as the creature moved closer, and closer.

A defeated laugh tore through the air, and Sky couldn’t tell if it came from him or the creature.

[veliseraptor]

top 5 Xue Yang quotes

I mean pretty much every time he opens his mouth I love it. But I guess if I had to pick single lines...I am going to put screencaps here. This is also all CQL because that’s what I’m more familiar with.

Under a read more because it got long. Surprising no one familiar with me and how this sort of thing goes. Featuring my new blog subtitle: A Whole Lotta Feelings About Xue Yang, and links to a bunch of my own older meta.

1. “You shouldn’t have gotten involved in other people’s business. Who’s right, who’s wrong? How much kindness, how many grudges. Can an outsider be clear about it? Maybe you shouldn’t have left the mountain.”

I wrote a whole meta post about this! I mean, I’ve written a whole lot of meta posts about Xue Yang generally, the amount of digital ink I’ve spilled over this character is, hm. Well. 

But I just find this line fascinating for the ways in which it is, like many of the things that Xue Yang says in this scene, such a blend of emotions: anger, frustration, misery, disappointment.

There’s the “how dare you judge me” of it all, the “you’re so goddamn clueless you just don’t get it” of it, and then also the thing that I talked about in the linked meta - the “you would’ve been better served staying away from this stupid world, where you would’ve been safe and where you would’ve been safe from me.” 

I have a lot of...thoughts, about the way that Xue Yang bounces back and forth between finding it hilarious that Xiao Xingchen is so nice to him while having no idea who he really is, finding it maddening that he is (he’s so stupid! how does he get away with being so stupid!), and finding it...something that he likes, and sort of wants him to keep (in a similar way, actually, to the way that I think Jin Guangyao wants Lan Xichen to keep his relative innocence). 

And also the arc words/recurring sentiment of those questions of right and wrong, black and white. And the idea that that’s not a question Xue Yang has historically concerned himself with, but perhaps right now it might actually matter.

And right now he wants Xiao Xingchen to be on the same page, and at least for a half a second genuinely thought he might be.

2. “The finger is mine, while the lives are theirs.”

Obviously this is like. Peak Xue Yang line: pure solipsism, pure self-centered self-interest: my finger is mine and therefore it’s worth more than the lives of other people.

And there’s a lot to be said about that as a manifesto for Xue Yang - on one level I do think it’s just about how he thinks and perceives others: they just aren’t quite real to him, not in the way he himself is. Like, yes! They exist! Nominally they have “feelings” and “wants” or whatever, but conceptualizing that in any concrete way, or internalizing it, is...hard. It doesn’t seem quite real to him. They don’t seem quite real, not in the way that he is, himself. 

And on the other hand I think there’s something about the way that Xue Yang weights his own value so heavily because he’s the only one who will. Nobody else is going to put any value on his hand or his finger. Xue Yang’s approach to life is very much “nobody’s going to give me anything, so I will get mine and fuck everyone else, if I don’t look out for me above all then it’s a short road to death.” And I think there’s elements of that here. 

Or maybe a question: why should their lives be worth more than my body? Why should they be more valuable than me? And the answer, of course, is that they shouldn’t. 

While I do think that Xue Yang has his insecurities and uncertainties, one thing that he refuses to doubt is that he has a right to exist and a right to get what’s his - even if that comes at the expense of others. 

And I think, too, on some level he figures this is how everyone works. They probably think their fingers are worth his life. They’re wrong, obviously, and the fact that he won proves that. But they still believed it.

3. “Cultivator friend, I’ll plead guilty. But to submit to punishment...that depends if you’re able to catch me.”

Flirting is playing murder tag with a cute boy!

This is a less serious one but I love it because it is just...it’s not his intro intro (see below) but it also sort of is, in another way. And it is definitely an intro to his relationship with Xiao Xingchen, and I love it for that - for the way he shows up, perching on a house over an enormous massacre, and is just having the time of his life. 

It’s so cheerfully playful, so bright, the way that he doesn’t even hesitate to be like “yes! I did kill all those people! what’re you gonna do about it :D”

(”does my gay little crime spree piss you off?”)

It sets up this dynamic between a Xiao Xingchen who is taking this all very seriously and a Xue Yang who is having a fantastic time and I just love it. New standard for your OTP meeting: if it doesn’t happen at the scene of a massacre for which one of them is responsible then what’s even the point.

4. “I don’t fear death, only boredom/living without a purpose.”

I wish!!! I knew whether this translation (”having no purpose in living” or the Netflix one (”boredom”) was more “””accurate””” - or if it doesn’t matter and the meaning is pretty close. If someone can tell me that’d be amazing. But either way - this is the moment where I was like “oh I’m screwed” when it came to adopting a new terrible character for my very own.

I have a huge glaring weak spot for characters who are very “death before boredom” about their lives - who look at their existence as sort of “here for a good time not a long time” and recognize that they’re not one for a long life but they’re going to make it one they can enjoy. That almost indifference to their own end weighed against the prospect of dullness - or, with the Viki translation, purposelessness. 

And it does fit with how I think of Xue Yang as someone who sort of needs to have a drive or a goal, most of the time; who needs to be engaged and is easily bored. (This is one of the things that I think he has in common with Wei Wuxian! Sorry, buddy, you’re more alike than you’d like to acknowledge.)

But it also demands such a contrast with the fact that he does, later on, settle down into domestic relative tranquility - into something that would look, to a lot of people, and maybe even to his past self, like boredom.

And yet it doesn’t bore him.

And I just. You know. Have a lot of feelings about that.

5. “Very well. Would I be afraid of people’s disgust? However, are you qualified to feel disgusted by me?”

tfw you see your great fake life starting to go to pieces and decide you’re going to detonate your nuclear weapon in it because hey, might as well take everyone down with you, right?

I love this because it’s one of those things where it’s true and it’s not - I do not think, generally, that Xue Yang really cares about people’s disgust. He sometimes even relishes it! I mean, I think a certain kind of dehumanization sets him off, but in general - yes, I’m’s horrible, yes, I’m disgusting, yes, sure, do I care? Nope. 

But it is pretty clear here, both in terms of facial expression and reactions, that Xiao Xingchen’s judgment does hit home. That his anger and dismissal of Xue Yang’s story, of his exposure of a vulnerability he doesn’t usually allow, hits pretty hard. From Xue Yang’s perspective, he’s taken a risk, and Xiao Xingchen answered it with a slap in the face. (Wrote a bunch about this here.)

And in that hurt he responds, immediately, by lashing out - by using the weapon he’s held in reserve. I’ve written before about how I think Xue Yang prior to this point was in sort of “the fierce corpses thing can stay between me and the fierce corpses now” mode about his extracurricular activities with Xiao Xingchen, but it’s still there, and he knows exactly what he’s doing here. After all, that revenge was always tailored: it was always about bringing Xiao Xingchen down to his level and proving that he’s no better, and never has been any better. 

But I will never get over the look on his face over that first line, where he’s saying “would I be afraid of people’s disgust” and while the words imply no his face is definitely saying yes, at least when it’s you.

BONUSES: 

Most of his conversation with Wei Wuxian but especially the bit about slowly and intimately doing experimental necromancy, but also Xue Yang inviting Song Lan in for lunch.

Come on, Song Lan! Just take the free meal! It’ll be fine.

[deckof-dragons]

bugsnax idea: while buddy, filbo, and egg are climbing the mountain after the point of no return, beff and cromdo are grudgingly cooperating on a salvaging run to some wrecks that got shifted by the earthquake. theyre looking for parts to fix buddys airship. they also bring back some other supplies. buddy is very happy about this (it doesn't matter that it was in a sunken ship for a year, freeze dried scrambled eggs is WAY more of a meal than sauce - plus the medical supplies are useful)

I'm not 100% sure this ask was intended as a request but I treated it as such anyway because I wanted to. I mostly wanted to try writing from Beffica's POV because I love her but also hate her for being mean to Filbo. And this was a good way to do that, especially since I like her Cromdo's dislike for one another. Also, I suppose this is also a good way to establish that I'm open to requests. I do wish you had sent it to my Bugnsax blog (@poliel) though but it did come in like right after I made the blog so it's possible you didn't know about it.

~

“You only volunteered to do this because you’re hoping to steal some treasure,” Beffica said as they left Snaxburg together.

“Nah, that ain’t the only reason,” Cromdo replied. “Somebody’s got to do it, might as well be me, right? And if I happen upon some treasure whilst searching through the wreckage, there ain’t no harm in taking it. ‘Sides, you only volunteered to keep an eye on me. So you ain’t got a leg to stand on here.”

Beffica couldn’t exactly argue with that since it was true. But somebody needed to keep an eye on him and make sure he didn’t try anything sleezy. In the interest of this being a rather urgent matter though, she didn’t bother saying so or anything else for now. Once they fixed the air ship and were safely sailing away, they could all go back to fighting and hating each other. Until then though it was best to get along and work together.

So instead, she started jogging, trying not to think about the occasional earth rumbling or the mounds of what looked like food coming out of the ground. As expected, Cromdo picked up his pace too, almost immediately starting to breath heavier.

By the time they reached the beach proper, Beffica was starting to breath harder too. Gosh how had long had it been since she’d last gone for a proper jog? Too long for sure. For Cromdo however it had clearly been longer with the way he was huffing and puffing. She wasn’t going to slow down for him though, they were in too much of a hurry and it made any further conversation impossible. So onward they continued towards Boiling Bay.

By the time they got there Beffica knew to expect it to be different than it had before the quake based off the changes Shimmering Springs had clearly gone through. The lava flow that had once crossed across the sand into the ocean had slowed to a trickle, the cave it came out of blocked up with rocks. The biggest change though and what was surprising enough to cause them both to slow to a halt was how much the shoreline had been altered. It hardly looked like the same place anymore. But as Snorpy had suggested, the quake had shook up and revealed more wreckage. Including two halves of a whole ship sticking up out of the water a bit further out. Which was the first real turn of lucked they’d had since arriving on this dang island especially since it looked remarkably intact other than the whole being split in half thing. In fact it looked like it hadn’t been there for very long … Wait a minute…

“I think that’s the ship we arrived here on,” Cromdo said before she could even complete the thought. “I guess Liz and Egg didn’t run off with it after all.”

“Huh? But how’d it get… You know what? Never mind. We don’t have to time to waste. Let’s go get what we need and gather anything else that might be useful and get back to Snaxburg.” Hopefully before another big quake hit or lava destroyed the town or the Queen of Bugsnax showed up to eat everyone or the Grumpinati came to finish them off or whatever other bad thing could supposedly end them before they could got off this island.

 -

With the ship being split in two and there being two of them the most logical course of action was to split up and each search one half. Which made keeping an eye on Cromdo more difficult but the matter was a bit too urgent for Beffica to really worry about. It also unfortunately this meant getting very wet since the ship was still more submerged than not. But on the bright side, the bugsnax meant she currently didn’t have fur anymore and thus she didn’t have to deal that because wet fur was the worst.

It was Cromdo’s idea to carry everything they could salvage back in. Beffica was the one who found the ship’s massive ice chest though. It was more than big enough for their needs and already had some random foodstuffs in it, a good start. There somehow wasn’t even much water in it.

Their number one priority was finding what could even maybe be used to fix Buddy’s air ship and get it up and running again. Lucky for them Snorpy somehow seemed to know exactly what they would need for that and quickly laid it out for them. Hopefully they could find everything he needed.

Once they had what seemed and would hopefully be enough to fix the airship bundled into the ice chest on top of what was already in there, they both went back to their ship halves to have one more look around for anything that might be useful and would fit in the space left in the chest. Beffica unfortunately didn’t find much, everything else that might’ve once been helpful was too waterlogged to be of any real use now. But upon reuniting with Cromdo by the ice chest she was pleased to see he’d found something.

“What’s that?” she asked she approached.

“First aid kits. I don’t know how well anything inside them held up with the whole being underwater thing for however grumping long but it don’t hurt to bring them along regardless. But anyway, you find any treasure? Or anything that might be worth selling?” His hopeful tone indicated he’d found no such thing himself.

“Nope.” Not that she’d had brought it along if she had. “I unfortunately didn’t find anything actually useful either.”

With a sigh, Cromdo snapped the ice chest’s lid shut.

“Let’s just get this back to Snaxburg,” she continued before he could say anything. “Buddy and company should be nearing Frost Peak by now. We need to have the airship ready to go preferably before they get back.” Hopefully Lizbert would be with them. If not then… they’d have to write her off for good.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Let’s just get the grump out of here already. You take the back end, I’ll take the front. And lift with your legs, not your back ‘cause trust me, just ‘cause you’re young don’t mean you can’t throw your back out. And you don’t want to do that.”

“Yeah, grandpa, I know.” Beffica went around to grab her side.

“Hey, I ain’t that old.”

Beffica scoffed but otherwise chose to ignore him. “Lift in three… two… one.” They lifted it with a grunt and wasted no time starting back for Snaxburg.

One escape sequence later

Filbo seemed have steering the ship well in hand so Buddy gratefully plopped down to sit on their bed after making sure everyone was okay. It was rather crowded on board but it was still their ship so everyone had kindly left the bed to them. They were a bit tempted to lie out on it and take a nap but… they were still a bit too high strung to fully relax yet. Besides, there was a large ice chest on board now, pushed up against the back wall to keep it out of the way. Someone must’ve loaded it up with stuff from the town and brought it onboard before the bugsnax really began their assault. What exactly was inside was a mystery though, but one that shouldn’t be horrible and terrifying and therefore a safe thing to investigate. It’d also just be good to know in general in case anyone needed anything that it might contain. So Buddy reached over and pulled it closer and perpendicular to the bed so they could pop the latches and open it.

Inside was mostly empty but there was a rolled-up bit of sail cloth and a few loose planks of wood. … Ah, probably the leftovers of the stuff the others had used to repair the ship. What little was left probably wouldn’t be useful but it was best to keep it around anyway, just in case it was. Underneath that was… first aid kits, three of them. They were all leaking water, probably seawater judging based off the smell of it. Anything that was waterproof inside was still good to have on hand though. And at the bottom were packets of…

“Freeze dried scrambled eggs?” Buddy read the label aloud as they lifted it. That was certainly not what they’d expected and a quick look revealed the other packets had other freeze-dried foods as well. With a shrug, the dried it off before tearing it open with their teeth. They then sniffed the opening. … Hmm… it didn’t smell like the sea water had gotten in so… the poured some into their mouth.

It did not at all taste like any scrambled eggs Buddy had ever had. It didn’t have much of a flavor at all really. But what little was there was far better than ketchup or any other sauce. It was the first solid food Buddy had eaten in months. With that in mind they were tempted to down the whole thing right this instant followed by everything else in the ice chest. Before they did that though…

“Hey Gramble.” With how morosely quiet everyone was being they didn’t even need to raise their voice a whole lot for Gramble to hear them over by the bow of the ship. “I found some real food if you want some.” He’d gone even longer without eating solid food than Buddy had so he deserved some too.

His response was barely audible but sounded and awful lot like a “No, thanks.” Before Buddy could ask him if he was sure though, he perked up, raising his voice. “Wait, by ‘real food’ do you mean not bugsnax and not sauce?”

“Yep, exactly!”

“Oh, okay then!” And he was on his way over with Wiggle following.

Next Buddy turned to look at Shelda who’d been sitting in the corner on the other side of the cabin. She’d gotten up though and approached. She took a breath, clearly intending to ask for them to share. Buddy spoke up before she could though. “You can have some too.” She may have occasionally lost the battle of willpower and partaken in eating bugsnax but she’d still mostly eaten sauce for however long she’d been on the island.

“I… thanks,” she said before settling down on the floor by the ice chest.

“Ooh, let’s see,” Wiggle said as she and Gramble arrived. “Freeze-dried scrambled eggs that’s… not all appetizing.”

“It’s a whole lot better than sauce,” Gramble said, mirroring Buddy’s feelings exactly.

Speaking of that, Buddy was done offering to share with anyone else. No one else needed any or would probably even want any regardless. And there was already barely enough for just the three of them. When they got home, Buddy would eat all the real food they desired. For now though, this would more than do.

[beyondconfessor]

Principle Decisions [24/27]

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Zelda Spellman/Lilith

Summary: “You said one,” she reminded. “Now you’re going to be a good girl and follow the rest of the itinerary.”

N.B.: Also posted on AO3. Remember, this is just fantasy, please suspend your disbelief.

The rest of the weekend passed quickly, and before Zelda could believe it, they were returning home.

Lilith loved her, and Zelda felt as if the happiness she felt might burn her up. There was nothing and no one that could take it from her as she kissed her over and over, tasting the words on her mouth, her skin, her sex until they had laughed and kissed and fucked until only sleep brought relief from the happiness she felt.

And even there, she found herself waking up and peaking over at Lilith to ensure she was really there, that this was all real.

Hilda agreed to pick up Sabrina, which left Zelda returned to Lilith’s home and kiss her again. She kissed her in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bathroom where they showered, on the stairs, against the doorframe, and in the bedroom where they fucked.

She kissed her and felt as if the world stopped turning, giving them a few moments with another. They had sex and didn’t have sex. They talked and fucked and laughed, and Zelda thought about her future with Lilith more seriously for the first time in life.

How soon was reasonable to say to Lilith that she was freely allowed over at her home?

Probably after speaking with her niece.

“Sabrina’s home,” she said as she finally pulled herself away Lilith’s grasp, standing on the floorboards to pick up her clothes. “I need to speak to her.”

“What about Ambrose?”

“Ambrose and Hilda both gave their blessing,” she said, looking up as she fixed her bra and began tugging her blouse on. She paused, watching Lilith shift in the bed, head propped up on one arm, looking good enough to eat. “I need to speak to Sabrina––I didn’t even want to say any loveconfessions until after I spoke to her.”

“Ah, the glory of God,” Lilith declared before she grinned, “Or a good orgasm.”

“Mm,” Zelda fixed the last of her shirt buttons, before she pulled her skirt on, zipping it up. The underwear was ruined, and she couldn’t be bothered with stockings, so it would have to do for now. “I’m sure I can imagine what version you’ll be telling your friends.”

“Fist deep, God staring from above as holy light filled the room, she looked at me as if––“

Zelda threw her underwear at Lilith’s face and watched as the woman laughed, tossing them back. “There was no holy light.”

“There was moonlight. You looked ravishing in the moonlight. I’d very much, so enjoy having my wicked way with you again.”

“Is that so?” Zelda said, cocking an eyebrow. “Well, there’s a clearing near the Spellman manor if you truly think that.”

Lilith’s eyes flashed, a soft ohh on her lips as she watched her step into heels. “Equinox is coming up.”

Zelda laughed, “another orgy?”

“Mm, no. I think I’d want you all to myself for that one. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do anything fun. I could suspend you from a tree?”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something.” She turned to Lilith’s dresser, fixing her hair and wiping off the remaining ruined lipstick on her mouth. “I’ll call you tonight.”

“Or could come around, again?” Lilith said.

Zelda hummed. “I need to spend some nights with my family. But I could come over before dinner,” she said. The truth was, she’d hoped that once Sabrina had agreed, then Lilith could start spending more time around the manor, come to the family dinners until it became natural to serve a plate for her.

Zelda walked over to the bed, leaning down to kiss Lilith only for the woman’s hand to run through her hair and hold her firm as she kissed her with decadent passion––so much so that Zelda felt herself almost begin to crawl on the back of the bed before she remembered her intentions.

“Soon,” she promised, pulling her face just far enough away that the woman’s face filled her entire peripheral. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Lilith said, her smile breaking wide across her face. She lifted her hands then to cup Zelda’s jaw as she kissed her again, soft and sweet, her thumbs caressing across her cheekbones. “Come back soon co I can have my way with you.”

“I’ll do my best,” Zelda agreed, kissing her goodbye.

She returned home around mid-afternoon. She’d hidden as many of the marks Lilith left as she could, but it was plainly evident that she’d been up to something.

Hilda was out when she arrived, and Ambrose was nowhere to be found, which left the perfect opportunity to privately have the long-awaited conversation.

Knocking on Sabrina’s door, Zelda felt her excitement bubble, before trepidation filled her.

Ambrose had plainly provided his blessing, but this was the first time she’d be discussing it with Sabrina.

So when the door opened, and her niece stared back at her frowning, the anxiety only grew. “Sabrina,” she said. “How was your vacation?”

“Fine,” she answered, hands folding under her chest. Zelda paused at the short response, taking a moment to look at the scene before her.

“Did…something happen?”

“You lied to me,” Sabrina said. “You––“ she paused, mouth twisting, “Aunt Hilda told me that you’re dating Ms Wardwell.”

Zelda stilled, feeling as if ice was encasing over her as she watched Sabrina’s anger grow before her. “We’re not dating. We’ve only been seeing each other,” she advised. “But we are looking to…move to that next stage.”

“How long were you together?” Sabrina asked. “Was it just Christmas? Or…” and Sabrina paused there, swallowing as her brow pressed together. “Or longer? You’ve been disappearing at night to meetings and drinks with friends for a while now, and I know it’s not with Constance. So…was it with Principal Wardwell? Is that why you invited her to dinner?”

Zelda took a moment to reflect. Looking at it, with all the evidence placed before her, it was…a significant time they’d been meeting together. Since midway through September, she’d been seeing Lilith if she were to consider the time she paid Lilith as a dominatrix as ‘seeing’ her. Otherwise, it’d only been a few weeks. Barely over two weeks since they’d been formally ‘seeing’ each other.

“Yes,” she answered.

Sabrina’s eyes glimmered for a moment, a look of horror on her face as she shook her head. “Why would you lie to me?”

“Because––“ and she paused, the truth was unfair to Sabrina, so she swallowed it back and softened it with another. “Because I didn’t know how far her feelings went. And I wanted to ensure that she wanted the same thing as me before we continued.”

“Which is what? A relationship?”

Zelda nodded slowly. “Openly.”

“No,” Sabrina said. “You can’t.”

Zelda blinked, feeling the dread slip over her at the words. “Sabrina, she’s a good person. I care for her, quite a fair amount. I’d appreciate it if you’d at least consider it.”

But Sabrina’s head shook, adamant, “No, not her. You can date anyone else, why would you want Ms Wardwell? She’s just a Principal.”

“What on earth is this about? Mary is a good person, a kind person.”

“She’s not-–Aunt Zee, please! Please, I’ve never asked you not to date anyone, I never said a word with anyone else, even when you were going to marry them, and they were so wrong for you! Please. Not her. She’s not good, she’s a liar and––”

Zelda flinched, blinking as she shook her head, “Sabrina––!“

“She’s not right for you. And…and it’s not fair that you’re dating my Principal. What if you guys break-up, what about––“ and Zelda could hear excuses pouring from Sabrina’s mouth, hypotheticals about things that wouldn’t happen, how Lilith would treat her differently, how the school would react, how it would come back to Sabrina and Theo, as well as Zelda.

There were so many excuses and so many reasons. But Zelda didn’t care about any of them. Who cared what strangers thought––so as long as she had Lilith.

But Sabrina looked at her, and she pled, eyes wide open, tears in her eyes, begging her not to date Lilith.

“What do you mean when you said that she’s a liar?” Zelda asked.

“She…she did something. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did she hurt you?” Zelda asked, but Sabrina shook her head. “Someone else, then?”

“It doesn’t matter!” Sabrina snapped. “You said that if I ever had a problem with someone you would listen to me! You promised! No justification needed, so as long as it was fair. This is fair, Aunt Zee. Trust me. Please.”

She was right, Sabrina may not have liked some of Zelda’s other partners, she may not have approved of them, but she’d never requested anything like this and Zelda was dumbstruck at the sudden pleads, unsure as to why Sabrina was feeling this way.

“Okay,” she agreed, feeling the words lump in her throat. She gave a small nod and turned away, tongue pressing against the roof of her mouth to prevent the rising emotion from coming out. “I won’t…I won’t see her any more,” she agreed.

It was like she’d swallowed rocks. Her throat ached, and there was a horrible weight in her stomach.

Her and Lilith were not going to date. They were going to break-up.

Sabrina drew in a breath and exhaled, “Thank you,” was all she said. “You can date anyone else, I swear. Just not her.”

“Why not her?” Zelda asked, unable to help herself.

But Sabrina bit her lip, hands in fists at her side. “Because she’s not right,” was all she said. “Please, Aunt Zee?”

Zelda nodded, feeling her throat swell. Less than an hour ago, she’d been untangling herself from Lilith’s hands and warm kisses, promising to return to her soon. And now, Zelda dreaded seeing her again, having to say the words that no, she didn’t have Sabrina’s blessing, and therefore no, she couldn’t see her.

She gave another nod, taking in a deep breath as she pressed a hand to her abdomen, willing the emotions to settle in her chest. She was a big girl, she could handle this.

“At least it wasn’t serious,” Sabrina mumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“Your relationship. At least…as least it’s not serious.”

Zelda gave a smile, wondering if she should admit the truth as she felt Lilith’s whispered love hum through her ear, but she thought better of it. “I’ll…tell her tonight,” she said. “It’ll be awkward for you tomorrow I imagine but the sooner…”

“The better,” Sabrina finished, nodding.

Zelda couldn’t face her niece anymore. Irrationally, she wanted to spit insults and demand a better response than she’s not right or she’s a liar. She wanted something more substantial than maybes and hypotheticals, but Zelda knew in her heart that Sabrina wouldn’t provide it.

She wanted to plead for Sabrina to make an exception, but that wasn’t fair to ask of her.

Whatever the truth was, Sabrina wasn’t going to share it. Zelda swallowed back the growing ache that filled her, pushing it deep down as she walked away. She grabbed her keys, she got into her car and pulled out of the driveway and made it a few hundred meters down the road before she pulled off and felt the swelling ache shatter as she burst into tears.

She’d promised Sabrina long ago that if her or Ambrose ever blatantly disagreed, she would agree to their decision.

And here she was, following a promise she’d long since hoped would never be stood by. There’d be terrible exes. Partners who weren’t cruel but nor were they kind to Sabrina, and never once had her niece spoken-up. So why, Lilith? What had Lilith done that was so terrible Sabrina demanded they break-up?

Did it matter? She’d made a promise, and if she was going to have Sabrina stand by her commitments, then she needed to set an example.

So she cried in her car until her sobbing turned to deep breaths, and then she rose and looked at herself in the mirror, collecting all the strength she could as she fixed her make-up and made her way to Lilith’s cottage.

And still, she couldn’t work out what she needed to say. How do you say to someone that you love them, but that you can’t be together? She would have given Lilith the world if she asked––the only person that preceded her love and adoration for the woman was the very person she viewed as her daughter.

An hour. That’s all it took—one hour for her to go from happily in love with heartbroken.

She pulled up at the house and settled for a moment before she made her way to the front door. Her body felt heavy as she lifted her hand and knocked on the door, swallowing back everything as she tried to bottle her feelings away.

She couldn’t make this any more difficult than need-be. It had to be a clean break. It had to be fair to both of them.  

God, it hurt to think about.

Lilith came to the door, opening it wide with a familiar, bright expression before it softened and then paused, eyes dancing around Zelda’s face. “Did something happen?” she asked.

Zelda swallowed, feeling the lump in her throat. And then Lilith was stepping back, allowing her entrance into the home and maybe she should do it there, at the threshold so she could leave quickly, but it wasn’t fair to be so separate, and if Zelda was honest, she wanted to be selfish in these last moments. So she entered.

“I––“ she began, watching as Lilith shut the door, worry flooding her face.

“Is Sabrina okay?”

Zelda nodded and then blinked as her eyes prickled. Looking up at the ceiling, she sucked in a deep breath and tried to remember the words she’d thought about on the way over. And then she swallowed and looked at Lilith’s face.

She’d broken off engagements. Had left a half dozen relationships before. They’d all been hard in their own way, but this felt worse. It felt wrong because, for the first time, she didn’t see the reason why she was doing this. Lilith loved her, and she loved her back. They were in love.

It wasn’t fair.

“I don’t have Sabrina’s blessing,” she said, but it sounded ridiculous, so she shook her head and stepped away as Lilith tried to reach for. “So we can’t…” she paused, swallowing again, “I can’t see you any more.”

Lilith’s expression shifted to puzzlement, and then she was shaking her head. “That’s ridiculous,” she said. “Your niece can’t––“

“She begged me. Begged. She’s never––“ and Zelda shook her head, setting her hands on her hips to prevent from reaching out for her. “I promised her Lilith. Many years ago that if she or Ambrose said no, I wouldn’t––that I would break the relationship off.”

“But…” Lilith paused and gave a short, nervous laugh, “I don’t understand. We’re happy.”

Zelda nodded, feeling the tears spill down her cheek before she took another breath, trying to swallow back the growing sobs. “I know,” she said, and her voice was strangled as she said it. “And I am, I am so…so happy, but I promised her.”

“Fuck that promise. You love me. You said you love me and I love you. Whatever it is she’ll grow-up and get over it and––“

“No,” Zelda said. “No, Lilith.”

“But—“

“No.”

Lilith scowled, turning on her heel as she looked away, pacing the length of the room. “Then I’ll talk to. Explain that––“

“You’ll do no such thing!” Zelda snapped. “I don’t know why Sabrina has requested this, but it’s her request. She’s never asked for it, not with anyone else. But I will abide by it.”

“This is ridiculous Zelda. Certainly, you can hear that yourself. You’re letting some sixteen-year-old girl decide your happiness, for what?”

“For family! She is an orphan, Lilith. You may not see it, but she’s heartbroken every day. I am all she has. Not Ambrose, not Hilda, me. I’m her family. I raised her from when she was a baby. And if she asks this of me then so be it, I will follow because I promised her that I would and by God, she needs that stability that I’m not going to lie to her.”

“But it’s bullshit!” Zelda paused, letting the words ring out between them, watching as Lilith’s fury softened as she receded and pulled away. “I fucking love you. We’re happy. I don’t understand how that’s not enough. What more is there, what more do you want?”

“Nothing, there’s nothing else I want for,” Zelda said. She wanted Lilith. She wanted Lilith in her arms and in her bed. She wanted her at Christmas and New Years, at her Birthday and family events. She wanted to marry her if Lilith would have agreed to it. She wanted her, completely, utterly as much as Lilith would give––Zelda would have provided in return.

But she promised Sabrina.

“It’s not about what I want,” Zelda said. “I made a promise…that’s as simple as it is.”

Lilith shook her head, and Zelda could see the tears spilling there. The desperation to find an answer. “It’s not fair,” Lilith said.

“I know.” So she reached out and took Lilith’s hands. She kissed her cheeks from the tears, and then her mouth and felt as Lilith hissed in a breath, swallowing back her heartache.

“I love you,” Zelda said. “I mean that. Honestly, truly, I love you.”

And Lilith sobbed, so she kissed her again, and again until Lilith’s fingers were undoing the buttons of her clothes and tugging them off desperately.

They stumbled against the wall, and Zelda undressed quickly, watching as Lilith ripped her own clothes from her body, before she pressed against Zelda and kissed her.

Her body was warm, and at that moment, Zelda thought they fit perfectly against each other. During all those nights of waking up beside her, of wrapping her arms around Lilith, of stepping behind her and pressing her chin to Lilith’s shoulder, she hadn’t appreciated enough how well they fit.

And it burned her.

She tugged at Lilith, feeling herself drop against a side table and knock its contents to the ground. Something crashed, a painting fell from its hook, and her head banged hard against the wall, but she didn’t care. At the moment, all she wanted was Lilith.

It was hard and rough. And if Zelda bit too hard on Lilith’s shoulder, and Lilith’s nails dug in too sharply, they didn’t say anything. They kept going, marking each other as if they could imprint on the skin forever, leaving half-moon indents and long scratch marks.

She couldn’t speak for Lilith, but she knew that the marks she left, she hoped they didn’t fade too quickly. She wanted to be remembered, that she’d been here, she’d existed, she’d loved her.

It didn’t feel like enough.

She tasted Lilith’s moans and felt them hum against her, and when she gasped up at the ceiling, Zelda kissed her harder, ignoring the sob scratching up her throat.

She watched as Lilith’s eyes fluttered shut, as her mouth parted wide. She felt her come around her fingers, her thighs trembling against her. And then she did it again until Lilith snarled and shoved her down.

Then Zelda felt herself come undone by Lilith’s hand and mouth once, twice and then a third until she was shoving the woman’s hands away, trying to catch her breath and ignore the ache in her chest.

When it was done, and over, she didn’t allow herself to linger against Lilith, knowing that if she heard the woman’s heartbeat, she’d never leave. So she kissed her for the last time and dressed, and felt the words swell in her throat again.

I love you.

Lilith looked at her and then her eyes glimmered as she turned away, unmoving from the mess they’d made on the floor.

Zelda grabbed her jacket and turned away, leaving as fast as she could before she went back on her decision.  

Before Lilith, she didn’t know that you could love another person so much, feel so safe in someone’s arms. But the heartache she was familiar with. In a way, she should have known it would end up like this––her family ruined everything, how could this have been any different?

She returned to the car, pausing just a moment to see her reflection in the mirror and feel the shame wash over her before she turned the engine on and pulled out of Mary Wardwell’s driveway.

They’d see each other around, but for now, that was it—a clean break.

___________________

[moreeverydaythings]

Day 1091 - Llanberis to the Summit of Snowdon, Wales

Similar to the last railway station to railway station walk at Manningtree, this walk will also be a bit different. This time I will not be travelling on a train at all!  I will however be walking from Llanberis Station (well the car park next to it at least) to the summit of Snowdon where there is also a station and where trains on the Snowdon Mountain Railway from Llanberis terminate. The railway station to railway station criteria was therefore most definitely met for this walk

I had always wanted to walk up Snowdon, the highest mountain in Wales. I achieved that ambition almost exactly five years earlier to the day. However, on that occasion, despite it being mid-summer, we had disappeared into the cloud about 20% of the way up. By the time we had reached the summit, not only had we zero visibility, but we were cold, soaked through and literally crawling on our hands and knees to prevent us being blown away. Therefore, by having no real appreciation of the landscape surrounding me, it never felt as if I had really ascended Snowdon at all.

This time the sun was shining and the weather, although always changeable in this area, was set fair for the whole day. There are 6 or so routes up Snowdon. We would be taking the Llanberis Path which, although the longest (about 10 miles in total there and back), is the least steep. The Llanberis Path broadly follows the same direction as the railway from Llanberis to the summit albeit sometimes at some distance apart.

From Llanberis Station the Llanberis Path initially follows a tarmac road (which I guess serves some nearby farms so is largely traffic free). This tarmac road is horribly steep so you are thinking both, how hard must be the rest of the Llanberis Path if this road is for vehicles and it is a good job we did not choose one of the steeper paths.

Oddly, once you leave the tarmac road, passing though a gate which tells you it is the path to the summit, the route really flattens out, relatively of course. It is now a steady incline through a vast wilderness with views of the nearby mountains and the tracks leading up them. The steady incline continues on past Halfway House which presumably marks the halfway point. There is a little shop at Halfway House selling essential hiking provisions such as drinks, sandwiches and chocolate. We went “big” and purchased a spare bottle of water given the weather was now getting quite warm. I wondered how both the shop assistant and the supplies got up to Halfway House. I don’t have an answer I’m afraid!

Shortly after Halfway House I get overtaken by a jovial chap and his partner. We exchange a few words on the weather and our relative speeds. The path now crosses underneath the railway line at Clogwyn after which you have to ascend a steep scree. This bit is quite hard going and everybody’s pace starts to drop. Here you also have breath-taking views down into the Llanberis Pass. You get a rewarding real sense of how far you have already climbed.

After the scree you have another more gentle section. The views become better and better and round a corner you see the summit ahead. The summit looks like a genuine summit. It is actually peak shaped just like a child would draw a mountain. I noticed that everyone descending was wearing a jacket or a jumper so I knew it must be cold at the top. Luckily I had my experience last time so had come prepared with additional layers.

The Llanberis Path is joined by other paths for the last part of the ascent making it very crowded. Then to get to the summit of the summit, you actually have to queue! No matter, it was a useful time to really take in the amazing views…and to get my breath back! Of course, when it was our turn to stand on the top, like everyone else we had to do the traditional selfies. Unfortunately, just as I was pressing the button on the phone a gust of wind blew my hat straight off my head, it eventually landing on some rocks below. I then had the dilemma of either risking life and limb to rescue my hat or just playing it cool and pretending it had never happened. I was about to elect for the latter option when the jovial chap I’d spoken to earlier saw what had happened and bravely scrambled over the rocks and rescued my hat for which I was extremely grateful even if a little embarrassed.

Of course, having the reached the summit and your objective, you then have to walk the same distance again down the mountain. For me, I find descending harder than ascending. I’m sure there must be a technique because, on the one hand, you need forward momentum to move downwards but at the same time you have to keep the brakes on so you don’t roll off down the mountain like a human football. Anyway, it ended up taking us far longer to walk down than it did to walk up.

As usual, below is a selection of photographs taken from the Llanberis to Summit railway station to railway station walk.

[kayteewritessteve]

Beautifully Unfinished - 2/8

Description: One foolish outburst, one moment of weakness at the worst possible time, and everything goes up in smoke. Who knew finally voicing your true, deep-rooted feelings, would lead to the complete destruction of your most cherished friendship?

Masterlist HERE.

Word Count: 1,660 ish.

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: PG.

Warnings: Curse words. Lots of angst. But if you’ve read my stories before, then you know how this will end.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

Elementary School.

Your hands slide along the muddy ground, digging in as your weight is abruptly shifted onto them. You have only been in this school for a week, and already you’ve obviously made some enemies.

But you are the new kid, so that isn’t really a shocking revelation. Kids can just be so stinking mean.

You had to move at the end of grade 6, and started in this new school for the beginning of grade 7. Your father had gotten a promotion, and along with it came you all having to be relocated to the city. To Brooklyn.

So here you are, your blue jeans now covered in mud and your hands scraped up from the small rocks and gravel hidden just under the grassy surface. What you’ve done to piss this kid off is beyond you. He clearly has a few issues. That much you are sure of.

“Get up, loser,” he taunts, causing you to struggle to get your bearings back. To come to terms with the fact that this is your new life now. This is the school you’ll live out the next, and final, two years of your childhood days in. Then you’ll head off to High School, which probably won’t be any better. What with your clearly horrible luck.

You’d just been minding your own business a few moments ago, sitting under a tree and reading a book. Avoiding all the other kids as you didn’t know anyone here, and you have always been shy. At least in your old school, you had friends you’d known since kindergarten. A few kids who had befriended you and then stuck with you over the years.

But here, you are entirely on your own. You have no one.

“Did you not hear me!” He yells, causing you to flinch at the tone, his friends noticing this and laughing at you for it. You take a deep breath, before shakily pushing back up onto your feet. Glancing down to see your clothes are now ruined, knowing instantly that your mother is going to be livid at you for dirtying your new school clothes.

You could tell her that you’d been pushed down by a bully, but then she’d go to your teacher demanding the kids be punished. And even in your young mind, you know that would only make things worse. So you’ll just claim you’d slipped on the playground and landed in a puddle.

“Why are you doing this?” You quietly ask, just needing to know what you’d done to deserve this torment and mistreatment.

He scoffs at you, as if you're the idiot, “you’re the new kid,” he says in a ‘duh’ tone. “And you were in our lunch spot,” he adds a few seconds later.

“You could have just told me, and I would have moved to someplace else. You didn’t have to push me,” you reply, your voice a little stronger this time, thanks to the anger over his ridiculous reasonings for bullying you.

“Where’s the fun in that?” He asks as he goes to push you down again.

Just as your butt lands with a plop on the ground, now dirtying your backside to match the front of you, a voice calls out. “Hey! Leave her alone!”

Tears prickle in your eyes, as you glance up and around to see who is sticking up for you. To see who has come to your rescue. And once they land on the little form running towards you, you gasp. He is so small, maybe even a little smaller than you, but he is beautiful.

All flowing blonde hair and deep blue eyes, both features shining brightly in the little sunshine that peaks through the clouds. Maybe it is just because he is your only saviour at the moment, or because you genuinely have never seen a more charming looking kid in your life. But either way, you can’t take your eyes off him as he moves hastily towards you. Fluidly putting himself between you and the small grouping of bullies.

He moves as if he is entirely used to his small size, like he is aware his body is little but the sheer size of his heart makes him large. Makes him fearless, and therefore he doesn’t hesitate, he doesn’t falter but instead moves with such grace and pose he appears to be almost floating.

It’s in this moment you finally notice he has both his hands up, forming fists in front of him, as if ready to take on the world. And maybe he is, maybe he thinks he truly can.

A few minutes—and punches—later, he sits muddy and battered beside you. They’d been much harsher to him then they had been to you, he’d taken it all like it was just a few gusts of wind. It hadn’t been till a larger kid had come running from the school, and stepped in to defend you both, that the bullies had finally moved on.

And the second they are gone, the larger kid turns around to glare down at your saviour. “What were you even thinking, Punk? Taking on 6 kids by yourself! You’re lucky you only have muddy clothes and a fat lip right now! It could have been so much worse!”

You glance to the side, hesitantly looking at your hero and seeing him glaring right back at the only person currently clean and standing at the moment. “They were bullying a girl, Buck! I wasn’t just going to stand back and let them!”

The larger kids eyes snap to you, as if just now realizing you are present. That you are sitting in the mud beside his friend. He gives you a little once over then sighs as his eyes drift back to the blonde, “you should have come and got me first. You never think before you act,” he holds a hand out for his friend, helping him up.

“There wasn’t any time to think it through,” the blonde defends, as the larger kid then holds his hand out to you. You stare at it for a moment before hesitantly taking it, and allowing him to pull you up to your shaky legs.

“You are just so reckless sometimes,” the larger one says, sounding both exasperated and amused. Which is a weird combo for sure.

“I don’t like bullies, Buck. You know this,” the smaller one adamantly replies, causing the other to chuckle quietly.

“Yeah, I do,” he mumbles in agreement. “But still doesn’t mean you should stupidly throw yourself into every fight, alone.”

As they continue to argue back and forth, you glance down at your ruined clothes. Quickly wiping your hands along your jeans in an attempt to get some of the mud off. It’s a pointless endeavour though, as your hands are also covered in dirt and only stand to smear it around more thoroughly. Great.

“Are you okay?” A gentle voice hits your ears and you snap your eyes up, seeing the blonde now standing directly in front of you. Your breath halts slightly at how close he is all of a sudden, at the perfect view you now have of his face. You hadn’t really gotten a chance to see him up close yet, as he’d come out of nowhere, then had his back to you as he confronted your bullies, then he was beside you and you’d been too nervous to really look at him. To truly take him in.

And now that you can, and have, you are speechless.

Now not having any confidence to speak, you just nod your head in answer to his question. He gives you a small once over, clearly checking for any injuries then his lovely eyes meet yours. “Are you hurt anywhere?” And this time you shake your head in answer, he looks unconvinced for a second before seeming to see the honesty in your eyes and nodding. Then one of his muddy hands gestures to himself, “I’m Steve,” before gesturing to the larger brunette behind him, “that’s Bucky. What’s your name?”

You nod then quietly answer, “Y/N.” Your eyes then glance over his tiny form, “are you okay?”

When your eyes finally land back on his face, he has a small smile on his lips, “I’m fine. Nothing I haven’t been through before,” he chuckles, his smile growing wider, “this was actually tame in comparison to my past scuffles.” And instantly you can hear the pride in his voice, he is proud of getting into ‘scuffles’, as he called them. He is proud of standing up to the bullies.

The larger one—Bucky as you’ve just been told, sighs loudly and shakes his head, “don’t sound so damn pleased about that fact, Punk.”

He glances over his shoulder at his friend, the cheekiness now in his voice loud and clear, “but I am pleased about it, Jerk.”

Bucky glares at Steve, though judging by the smirk he can’t contain currently on his lips, it’s playfully. Steve then turns back to you, “do you want to join us for lunch?”

Your eyes widen slightly, before you quickly correct it and nod eagerly, “oh, um, yes. Please.”

He gives you a glorious smile and then the three of you head towards the cafeteria.

And unbeknownst to you, this is such an important moment in your life. This is the day you meet the two guys who’ll become your lifelong best friends. This is the day you first feel the beginning tingles of your quickly forming crush and love for Steve.

From the very first day, when he’d come gracefully running to your rescue, you’d felt it. You’d known he was going to play some huge role in your life instantly. And you’ll be entirely right in that thought. He’ll become your best friend, your rock, your world, your one true love. Truly and fully.

Because he’s got you like a rag doll, and now you’re dancing on his strings.

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