#which we wont know until the premiere

[mangosaurus]

wait a second. yasmina isolating herself on an island as a trauma response and sammy struggling to bridge the physical and emotional distance between them as a result? NOW WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS SONG BEFORE ...

[esther-dot]

It's just weird that how many times it occurs in Brienne chapters about how Sansa will no longer remain maid or being raped. I just hope that Grrm spared Sansa from getting involved in any kind of unwanted sexual encounters. I mean if he can save Brienne from getting raped at last moment he could have Sansa spared from it. I am actually wary of how he will deal with Sansa sexuality considering time gap he scrapped.

I think that Martin has had Sansa endure these assaults not as a prelude to her getting raped, but rather, to make her escape from them all the more remarkable. If a horrible fate doesn’t seem possible or imminent, the fact that it doesn’t happen wont hit with the same weight. To me, when the Hound holds the knife to her throat and nearly rapes her, the idea isn’t that he never would, but that he was this close to following through, and Sansa’s compassion was the only thing that stopped him.

I mentioned to someone in the comments on a recent post that the Hound brags he’s a butcher and women and children only meat, but Sansa’s kindness to him, her compassion for his suffering, prevents him from seeing her that way, changes how he views himself. It’s an awful moment, I don’t like reading about Sansa getting perved on and assaulted, but I can understand why Martin included some of it, to show the power of something other than brute force, to show her power over villains. That’s not to deny that the accumulative affect of it all by now is a lot. It is. We pretty routinely bemoan it!

I’ve been pretty confident that book Sansa will not be raped or killed for some time. Before I’ve pointed to the “virgin” trope in medieval lit (I know) as a potential reason why it never seemed like part of her story:

Telling the hero what God has in store for them is The Virgin’s primary job. She tires to keep the hero on their quest. She is often described as beautiful, graceful. Though still generally a secondary or even tertiary character in Medieval literature, The Virgin is still important to the plot. She is respected and protected in some way throughout the story. Even when she is in trouble, the author doesn’t do any physical damage to her, often just putting her to sleep or locking her somewhere until the hero can save her. (link)

(talked about this some more over here)

and I also think, as much as Martin writes a lot of sexual violence/threats of sexual violence, this isn’t something he’d do to Sansa thoughtlessly. I found this quote on his old blog some time ago, and it is reassuring to me that he takes the threat of rape against his characters seriously (poor guy wrote this before GoT premiered--I can only imagine what he thought after s5):

I have sometimes allowed other writers to play with my children.  In Wild Cards, for instance, which is a shared world.  Lohengrin, Hoodoo Mama, Popinjay, the Turtle, and all my other WC creations have been written by other writers, and I have written their characters.  But I submit, this is NOT at all the same thing.  A shared world is a tightly controlled environment.  In the case of Wild Cards, it's controlled by me.  I decide who gets to borrow my creations, and I review their stories, and approve or disapproval what is done with them.  "No, Popinjay would say it this way," I say, or "Sorry, the Turtle would never do that," or, more importantly (this has never come up in Wild Cards, but it did in some other shared worlds), "No, absolutely not, your character may not rape my character, I don't give a fuck how powerful you think it would be." And that's Wild Cards.  A world and characters created to be shared.  It's not at all the same with Ice & Fire.  No one gets to abuse the people of Westeros but me. (link)

Rape, even though he includes far more sexual violence than we may want, is something he takes seriously. He isn't going to have Sansa raped so that it trends on twitter/sparks countless articles, ups viewership, unlike how GoT used it. It would only happen in ASOIAF if Sansa's story demanded it, and since we have a prophecy of Sansa killing a giant in Winterfell rather than being harmed by one, I believe that Sansa will go North and be empowered, not further victimized.

As for a general wariness about how he is going to handle Sansa's sexuality, it depends on how you read the foreshadowing, but I do tend to think she will have a romantic relationship on the page, so I guess it isn't all good news for you, anon! 😅

[chirpsythismorning]

Oh my god, how are they gonna arrange the schedules? If Finn has Ghost Busters 2 then it means he's gonna be filming that for months, and what about the other schedules then 😅? I sometimes wonder if the show will just come out in 2025 bc of different schedules and bc the actors either have different projects or are busy with smth else

I know it's super disappointing, but it's very possible s5 won't premiere until 2025!

I answered an ask about this a while back, but basically if we're wanting s5 to be top notch quality, then settling for a s5 release in 2025 is what we're looking at.

Finn made the comment that he was looking forward to being able to drink with some of his cast-mates at the next premiere since he'll now be of age this time around, and he wont be 21 until December 2024... Unless they plan on premiering that literal month, the premiere probably wont be until the following year some time (early 2025).

Noah also made a comment about it when asked if it was coming out soon, and he basically just changed the subject saying that they're main priority is doing the story justice by ensuring it's all well done and satisfying.

Netflix has not come out to give a year for release yet and it's because they are probably pretty sure it will be 2025, but they know it's going to piss people off so they're going to wait a little bit before breaking the news.

Also just thinking about filming scheduling like you said, it takes a lot longer than it usually does for a number of reasons. I'm pretty sure s1 only needed like 6-7 months to film and only like 3-4 months for post-production. But the level of the story was so much less grand. We also had actors that had no experience and so therefore there wasn't much demand in trying to fit with their schedule bc they had no other work.

But now they're all A and B listers with crammed schedules.

We're talking 10+ months of filming and AT LEAST 8+ months of post-production. Best case scenario they would be ready for a premiere by DEC 2024 at the earliest! That gives them a lot of wiggle room assuming there could be delays and what not.

Remember they didn't finish filming for s4 until Sept. 2021, which means they needed about 8 or so months for post-production with the May 27th, 2022 premiere.

When we're talking about like major CGI dragon battles potentially, we're looking at the high end of the spectrum for time spent of VFX in post-production, so something close to what we saw for s4, more or less (about 8 months).

And then you have to think about all the planning that goes into the promotion and the advertising and contracts with products that is planned months/years in advance and that all rolling out to get people pumped.

Then there's also the fact that their choice of when to release it usually has to be sort of unique.

It has to premiere on a Friday, and it has to preferably be at at time that works best for Netflix in combination with all of their other releases.

There are no interesting Friday dates in late 2024... The most interesting date I can find is Friday March 21st, 2025, which would allow for the release to match up with the setting of the show (especially if we're circling back to birthdaygate and what happened in early s4 that was misconstrued bc of will's unreliable narrator arc).

Also... arguably we want a later release bc then it means we get to be here a little bit longer. Bc once this is over, it's over forever. The end!

ST5 in 2025 wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, assuming that promotion for that season would start as early as late 2024 and also be really consistent leading up to it, followed by us getting it and having to, only to move on forever.

It's kind of sad thinking about it. I don't want to.

Also it's possible we could get split into two volumes again bc this is the end and they really want to milk the excitement of it. Having it premiere once and be done is only ensuring like one month of hype, whereas 2 volumes split up between a 2-3 month period ensure like 4 months of hype, and that's a good way to end things with a bang.

Maybe we'll get lucky with a vol one in late 2024 and a vol 1 in early 2025? We'll have to wait and see as we get closer!

All I know is it wont be 2026, so we can just rest knowing that's not a possibility... right?

[dogtccth]

Who else would come to this crap other than the bourgeois ? He doesn't have an answer so he doesn't respond , though he's not sure André was really even looking for one at the moment . Roman can't really tell , the other was difficult to read in moments like this -- which made things harder .

" It only looked that way because you were getting upset about my questions . " Just like his parents did when he questioned them . He's surprised André hasn't lashed out on him physically like they had as well . But lack of answer might as well be a smack to the face . Just what ?! Just what ?! Just what ?! It's all his mind can rotate as he watches the other get dressed and grab joint . And he's glad he'd taken lighter previously in that moment .

Arms cross in a pout as he remains on bed watching the other until he's beckoned over , and he knows exactly what for and eyes fall on pants where lighter sits in pocket . And he considers getting completely dressed and just leaving without a word . But as he looks over to balcony there's a defeated sigh knowing that'd only make things worse . So instead he fishes through drawers for headphones , turning on the noise cancelling before digging through pockets for lighter . A robe's then grabbed and put on along with house shoes before finally heading outside .

Gesture's made at headphones so the other knows he can't be heard before stepping toward him . " You know I hate when you smoke that crap . " Still , lighter's handed off then . " C'mere , " spoken softly as hands cup at face to bring the other down into a deep kiss . " Before you taste like weed -- " explained with a hungry once over and bite of his lip but he steps away . Spinning on balls of feet to lean almost fully over balcony instead . " They're not so bad when I can't hear them chattering and laughing ... " It always felt like they were gossiping and laughing at him after all .

Head turns back around with furrowed brow , space quickly closed between them once more . And headphones are removed and placed in pockets of robe as he focuses attention on André . Arms rest over shoulders only to move down chest while he toys with the other's collar as he speaks . " Come back inside . I want you . Please . I'm sorry . W-we can have another party -- just to premiere ! And not behind masks ! It'd be better that way . They'd really have to look at us then , and I wont leave your side ! If I do just grab me and remind me , 'kay ? "

HEAD TURNS WHEN HE SEES SHIFT UNDER SHEET . Head pops up and features soften at the sight of Roman returning from his hidden shroud . There he is . Heavy inhale and exhale as head settles onto lap , his own body shifting so palms are planted on mattress when sitting back slightly . " Who do you expect me to invite ? " And as much as he would rather cater future festivities to Roman's liking , he fears that would never be the case .

Single hand lifts from bed to run fingers through chestnut strands . " You were questioning me in front of everyone , Roman . I can't have that . " a beat , hesitating in following up but he does regardless , " It was beginning to look like we were having a spat . " Eyes dart to door when Roman mentions it , though . " Not mad , just ... " and he waits for lover to move so he can stand , obliging to request , but not before pulling on slacks and smoke jacket and shifting through vanity to fish out a pre-rolled joint .

" I'll be back , love . " assured as he steps to balcony , closing glass door behind him . Steps are taken to barrier to take in the live band across the lawn and the populous enjoying the music . Everyone but Roman . Another sigh and he reaches for lighter that's supposed to be set beside ashtray on table stand nearby , as joint is pulled to lips . Eyes roll when he realizes it just so happened to have disappeared and he narrows gaze to focus on culprit responsible , finger crooking to call him over .

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[zathechaosgod]

Favourite Stream Moments!

Streamed by Philza on Twitch on Friday 11th of December

WILBUR SOOT NEW SONG OUT NOW

PHIL IS IN CALL WITH TECHNO TUBBO AND TOMMY

Hardcore btw

YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND IS SO POG

also the others are a bit ahead of phil so tommy (and techno) keep singing along but like in advance

it’s both SO FUNNY and SO GOOD

“we should invite this guy to the smp”

Tommy and tubbo in sync: “It better be on soundcloud”

Anyway, Phil has heard little tidbits and just heard it getting better and better over time so he was really hype

LMAO WILBUR STOPPED WATCHING HIS PREMIER TO SEE THEIR REACTIONS

also MCC update video now!! With the rest of the boys

the decorations look so pretty!!

ohh there’s a gifting game?

ohh some changes to parkour tag! the hunter will light up for a bit when he tags someone

bingo escaped from the nether pog

the snakes in ace race have santa hats lmaooo

also apparently tommy has seen stuff in snowball fights lmao

“i put guns in my snowballs”

anyway finally back to chat and getting hardcore open!

it’s now canon that tommy killed someone with a snowball? lmao

small ships time today!

also the antarctic skin is now canon in hardcore as well for now?

already a fishing request lol

first, we fish, then gapple gang catch up and ship building

Also Phil says stream Your New Boyfriend

TASTE DADZA, LA JOLLA AND SALINE SOLUTIONS AND JUBILEE LINE ARE SO GOOD

ALSO AT THE END OF MCC 1 WILBUR SNEAKILY PLAYED THE RIFF FROM LA JOLLA

which wasn’t even out yet until wayy later

also phil is a mood, I literally put on ycgma today

Phil is not bringing soundeffects paid for by pizza points back

bc they got too much when he passen 200 viewers and even got some videos copyrighted

and he’s explaining to the newbies that he’s literally feral and will kill everything in sight just bc chat asked him to name something

also LITERALLY 2K AWAY FROM 1MIL FOLLOWERS ON TWITCH POG

momza is being cursed why

please don’t pour down the flavour package from instant noodles please no

ohh phil has been grinding off camera

understandable though bc warped wood isn’t the quickest to farm

gapple gang catch up! 13 new members wow

time to try out the tiny tiny ships!

also there’s a ramen debate going on again

new among us map seems really pog!

there’s this moving platform and phil can already imagine sloooowwwly getting away from the imposter lmao

“don’t be dumd, dummies”

also americans don’t know how to use a kettle lmaoooo

bunch of savages

why would you use an entire pot to boil water

just fill up the kettle and press the button

TACOBLADE

(y- you mean a taco with pork)

oh no someone talked aboit potato chips with whipped cream

and now momza wants to try it

ian is making kettle puns now lol

(i have such a bad sense of humour, they get me every time)

oh he’s using the warped stems for the ship!

momza is here with the chips and whipped cream

she actually put a little toof of cream on every chip lmao

,,, it’s just cream and chips

“mario dead, pog?” apparently someone killed mario in a new super smash trailer

“canon death, he only has a couple left”

that moment where mario dies canonically on the dream smp

we’re just in cursed foot territory today huh

MARIO IS GONE CRAB RAVE

the tiny ship is already looking good! hull is starting to take shape

also chicken and waffles sounds like such a cursed experience

ohh the windows made from stairs are cool!

the interior is gonna be empty, but he can’t use leaves bc they’ll be visible though the windows rip

so halfslabs it is

bc buttons and pressure plates are expensive

PHIL HAS SUCCESFULLY EMAILED HIS TWITCH PARTNER MANAGER ABOUT THE TOE PICS

HE GOT THE GO AHEAD ELTS GOO

JUST 700MORE SUBS AND WE GOT THEM

“haha i def wont ask regarding the toes, were not able to preapprove it, but i cant imagine it will be a violation of tos, als long if you don’t turn it into a sexual thing”

rip phil’s friendly relationship with his twitch partner manager

the half-ship is not a priority, but it’s too good not to do it lmao

lmaooo a person spamming to visit tommy got banned

the ship looks pog!

also don’t believe tiktoks spouting nonsense about new update stuff, just keep an eye on the twitter accs of people from mojang

ohh the stripped warped stems really tie the whole thing together!

someone suggested baby zombie piglins for the tiny ships!

not the boy who lived though, he’s retired

“dadza do be collecting pig children” true lex

lmaooo phil is considering making another shifts that’s literally a raft

first tiny little details on the first tiny ship though!

daily reminder: blocks have eyes. all the blocks you’ve been mining have eyes and they’ve been looking at you and judging you

the raft is gonna be made out of campfires!

the raft is so cute lol

phil is considering a new title for pre-dream smp people or something?

which,,, that’s me but also i didn’t sub until this month :(

phil really just lost his mind for like,,, 30 seconds in a rant about realism then went “anyway, so just the sides?”

literally the only goal of this raft is to look funny

que the moment of panic when phil finally asks the big question: can mobs spawn on the campfires?

the answer is no, but the signs on the sides are useless bc of render distance issues

oh wow someone just made an awesome suggestion: turtles pulling the raft

which is gonna be a bit to get into the nether void, and even then they might just yeet themselves

“are we going to spend the rest of the stream getting turtles into the nether void?” yes, yes we are

TURTLE STREAM PART TWO LMAO

current strat: matching up portals right at the place where they’re gonna have to be, then get them manually in the overworld to the correct portal

but first replacing the signs with trapdoors

oof the overworld portal is gonna be a thousand blocks away both x and z

this is far just flying, let alone taking a turtle all the way rip

let’s hope the game blesses us wuth turtles nearby

someone suggested naming one of the turtles toby lmao

ITS LITERALLY ON A MOUNTAIN RIPPPPP

he’s taking a toilet break, but i saw him losing his mind rip

guess we’re gonna be here for a while huh

MOMZA CAME BY TO PUT A BEELLOON IN HIS SEAT LMAO

also tts is spamming sevens wow it’s weird hearing it go on for so long

he’s back!

he was rage brainstorming on the loo lol

he’s gonna bring the eggs then have them hatch nearby to save some pain

turtles nearby pog!

uh oh leads don’t work

it’s boating time bois

POG THE EXACT PORTAL LOCATION IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE RIVER WHICH IS CONNECTED TO THE OCEAN WHERE THE TURTLES ARE

so no boating over mountains!

he just suffocated a turtle in a boat

“my god they are stupid. not me i am the best. not my fault, never was my fault.” surreeeee

MIMZA

“if anyone was wondering if phil got cocky after the blow up, here’s your answer”

in a classic phil move: he forgot his brown shulker box and is now making a point in not picking it back up

to be fair, the man’s got over three chests of shulker boxes

phil has been holding his emergency bonus water bucket in his inventor this entire time to see if anyone would notice lmaooo

aww he’s nice today, he put ot back and even picked up the brown shulker!

someone asked about the big ol’ smuc podcast

he’s so surprised bc that was never a thing? that was just them sitting around bc his capture wasn’t working?

we just want the big ol’ smuc back phil

give it to us please

the legs of turtle become propellers when you push them lol

phil won’t tell us what the next big project is gonna be :(

he used to have such an awkward version of the urahara skin

but it’s always been urahara!

ONE OF THE TURTLES IS CHILLING IN A WALL OF LEAVES IN THE NETHER NOW

they all went through tho pog

“is he dead?”

the turtle really is just,,, not moving

now just to find a way to keep them in position and not have them kill themselves

black glass pog?

fun fact of the day: passive mobs don’t despawn unless killed, so the turtles won’t despawn!

also if you see a chicken in the nether, a baby zombie spawned on top of it, but the baby zombie despawns amd the chicken doesnt, leaving just the chicken lmao

the turtles are just staring at him as he’s placing the glass lol

they tried to run away now

“if anyone asks where the turtles came from, tell them they just showed up. they spawned here. if anyone asks tell them “well chickens spawn here””

time to rename them after the tmnt minus raphael!

HE JUST HIT ONE OF THEM

he (and all of us) would’ve lost it if he killed one

PHIL JUST IMPLIED HE KILLED RAPHAEL?

the turtles almost escaped! used the anvil he placed down to get over the bushes lol

turtles have been locked in black glass!

now let’s hope it actually looks cool lol

“by far the stupidest thing i’ve placed in the nethervoid, just saying”

“thank you for your money, no.” - to the bits dono who needs more pizza tokens

TURTLES LOOK POGGGG

chat is calling PETA on him lmaooo

he made his most recent backup like last week, but the last one before that was october oof

time to put a banner on as a sail!

and use more black glass to round out the thingy around the turtles

someone called chat feral and phil not feral at the beginning of stream

time to take that back bruh

lol dad just called little blade “little eggnoblade”

SHADERS POG

lol sneeg is using tts bc he needs phil’s info to send him merch

props to momza she’s sending it!

rare sight of unconnected glass texture in the nether void!

it’s weirding out Phil how little the turtles are moving lmao

also if you wanna become a contenct creator: diversify your media dont just stream on twitch, stream on youtube, use tiktok, whatever, but put yourself out there!

also check out philza’s likes on twitter for pog fanart!

THE HE AND SHE FANART IS SUPER POG WOW

AND PHI LTAKJING WITH THE BLAZE EMPRESS

AND THE ANGST

theres so much story in just three pictures wow

he even likes stuff from indirects lol

no fanart is hidden lmao

time to struggle with making banners!

he had to watch a tutorial for the one on his shield on the dream smp lmao

HE DOESNT HAVE WOOL

This man has everything but wool

“uh oh chat, i don’t think weve checked the iron farm in quite some time”

“i’m just gonna ignore it”

and this is supposed to be the responsible adult?

okay he’s got enough wool now, but he still needs cacti for the dye rip

his goal is to have farms for every single thing so situations like this don’t happen anymore

HE ALMOST MADE THE WRONG DYE LMAO

man is so rich he drops almost a stack of iron on the ground and doesn’t care

idiot man did not realise he had cactus green in a chest in the nether void lmao

redemption! the signs have a use after all so at least the banners hang now

phil with the not (?) moving turtles is like schlatt with the pope lmao he’s losing his mind

the raft has an itty bitty crow’s nest now!

LANA GIFTED THE EXACT NUMBER FOR 420SUBS POG

SNOOP DOG TIME

TIME TO PURGE THE WEAK AGAIN

Phil thinks he’s 90% of the streams now

(I can bet that he underestimates how much of us watch this thing unironically)

it’s so funny how often he gets raided during or right before Blend W time

“no we can get him to be straight” - this is about turtles looking in the right direction dw lol

“are they looking at me?”

mob ai is honestly a mystery lol, we’ll see how long they keep looking in the right direction

Phil is doubting building a really big ship now, bc he doesn’t want to cover up the smaller ones behind it

ohh no okay he found a position where it won’t block the other ones!

also he’s gonna stick to the warped wood bc he likes those the most

:o safe design! for on the titanic lmao

also rip endyman

phil sees a pig face and he just thinks “techno”

(in which he isn’t alone)

ohh someone suggested an awesome blackstone with gold ship but only half out of the portal so it doesn’t cover up the rest of the ships?

but first jack and rose bc we do not have time for a big ship like that rn

unofficial tommy raid lol

why would you not want to raid niki tho???

f in chat for second coin

also lore recap for hardcore at about 4 hours in!

(i’m really tempted to write a fantasy novel based on this lore now lmao, but imma wait bc there’s more lore to come with future projects)

ohhh the next project is gonna be in the overworld!!

amd it’ll introduce a new character pog

the titanic* (*nethervoid edition) is gonna be made out of blackstone! it’ll be a little test for the big ship as well!

Someone asked him where the whole “Philza Minecraft” came from and it’s bc people posted screenshots of like his twitch name with the game next to it and philcult and sleepytwt just pushed it so it’s a thing now

and now chat is spamming “PHILZA MINECRAFT”

lmao wednesday we spammed “MOMZA SUPREMACY” and kristin didn’t stop chanting it for the rest of the night

jack and rose on the bow of the ship is gonna have to be one of those things that we will not talk about again once it’s finished lol

also Phil is not gonna stream cyberpunk, not even gonna play it probably, bc just isn’t his thing

he went off to bother momza but she heard him coming :(

smp earth really feels like a decade ago huh

ship struggles again

this is one of those things where you just have to trust that it’s gonna work out in the end and keep going

ship is coming along nicely tho!

someone mentions sand and immediately chat becomes feral huh

(i did actually rewatch the sand jesus video today)

(also my little brother showed that one to our parents oops)

(so even my parents know about samd jesus)

the ship looks so saddd the mast is tipped over

ohh and banners as tattered sails!

time to yoink some wool and shulkerboxes for the sails!

“don’t wanna shave jeb, he doesn’t need that in his life right now”

the bully stare is the most hilarious thing i’ve heard lmao

the titanic is coming together already!

jack and rose are gonna be in black glass bc it won’t be very visible and we need them to stay in place

nevermind the netherstar, a heart of the sea as the heart of the ocean!

chat really wants him to name it dave

lmao we were waiting for a second zombie piglin to spawn and something dark spawned and phil was so confused but it was an enderman and it was not happy to be there

“who’s gonna be rose, gold pants or no pants?”

jack and rose are here now! (rose has pants)

karl raid!

THEY ESCAPED “well this is awkward. how about i just put them on the ship?”

he almost killed rose but i really thought that s5 was about to begin

THEYRE LOCKED IN FINALLY JACK AND ROSE ARE HERE AND NOT GOING ANYWHERE

Phil really only saw Pirates of the Caribbean recently,,, like dude

Time to raid Ranboo!

GARBAGE DAYYY

[levok]

Any news about the soundtrack of yr?

For season 2? We have to guard ourselves with patience, because we probably won’t know anything until it premieres.

Our only hope it that Omar will spoil which songs he will be singing lol. Wont be surprised if he makes an insta story one day, where he randomly sings a song, and surprise surprise, it’s from season 2.

[chrysalispen]

#1 - Foster

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33640546/chapters/83598181

"She's getting so big," Vittora cen Remianus says. 

"She is." 

L'haiya agrees more to make conversation than aught else. The Miqo'te's two-toned eyes flicker in the direction of that little head with its riotous crown of rolanberry-gold curls - now bent studiously over a modest tower of wooden bricks - before turning her attention back to the drawn, exhausted face of the child's mother. Vittora has never really been what one would call robust, but at least the composer's pallor had been offset by a bit of spring in her step once upon a time. There is color in her cheeks, of course, a bright rosy flush, but L'haiya suspects the credit for it belongs to artifice and a half-bell spent before a dressing mirror, not to improved health.

"And so very, very bright." There is a note of quiet pride in the Garlean woman's voice, one which L'haiya has previously only heard from her when she speaks of one of her completed commissions premiering in the state playhouses. "I aim to have her brought to my studio on her fourth nameday. She is old enough now to begin pianoforte lessons."

"I wish you good fortune. You will need it," L'haiya laughs. "Small children are rarely wont to sit still for long, especially if something of greater interest catches their eye."

Vittora's shoulders lift and drop, the movement loose and listless, as though her arms are lifted by marionette strings. "Then I shall simply have to be the most fascinating thing in the room," she says, and L'haiya's brow creases before she can stop herself. 

"You did not call me here to talk about Aurelia's piano lessons, surely."

The statement, faintly accusatory, falls like lead from her lips. Were it anyone else, she would not have dared to speak thus. The layers of social hierarchy in the Garlean Empire are many and complex, like the fine layers of sponge in a princess cake: upset even one, and it can upend the entire concoction. Vittora is of common stock, but common or not she is still a true Garlean, and one married into one of the realm's most powerful military families at that.

But if the lady of the house is in any way offended by the boldness of her social inferior she does not show it: a rueful smile curves her thin lips. The light in her eyes seems muted, as though refracted through green bottle-glass. "I did not, but this matter very much concerns my daughter."

There is no hiding her worry. Vittora has had occasional spells of illness as long as they have known each other: brief and always fleeting, never longer than a day or two. But the physical strain of carrying a child and the long and difficult labor she endured to bring Aurelia into the world--these have left her a shadow of the sprightly, ambitious woman she once was.

Mingled with the pride in her eyes is sorrow: sorrow, and bone-deep fatigue.

L'haiya swallows past the sudden constriction she feels tightening her throat. "Well," she manages at length, "out with it, then."

"Julian has requested an audience with his brother and with his superiors." L'haiya waits patiently while Vittora coughs into one thinned palm, the sound of it shallow and dry. "The head of the family thinks it best if we take our leave now that Aurelia is old enough to travel."

"...You mean to go to the provinces with him?"

"I do. We were to leave the capital at the first opportunity that presented itself and now that day has come. 'Twas ever a condition of the family's agreement not to disinherit Aurelia for our indiscretion. I fear they have only delayed due to my ill health, and I would not see my child subjected to the ignominy of being declared a bastard." 

For the trouble which I have brought upon them. Vittora's self-recrimination hangs between them unspoken and L'haiya does not press further. She is well familiar with the heavy price that her friend has paid, in both her career and her reputation, to marry for love. It does not bear repeating.

"I will do what needs must for her sake, L'haiya. And in this case, those needs coincide with mine own."

"I don't understand."

"The chirurgeons believe that the harshness of the winter months has greatly contributed to my... present deterioration. Master Severus has advised Julian that if at all possible, he should seek a second villa in the southern provinces." After a moment's hesitation, she adds, "He suggested Rabanastre."

L'haiya's homeland. "And you want me to come with you."

"Yes. Now, I know how you feel about Dalmasca-"

"You don't. Not truly. But that is neither here nor there, I suppose."

Vittora's brow knits with her consternation. "...You would not have to see her if you did not wish it. The villas where officers and their families reside are well removed from the rest of the city."

That is not the problem L'haiya faces, but it is not one Vittora would understand. Many have chosen to resist imperial occupation just as there are many who chose to accept their altered circumstances, and L'haiya has seen and heard what the various splinters and pockets of Dalmascan resistance scattered throughout the Estersands do to perceived traitors. "I fail to see why my presence is required in Rabanastre."

"Someone must care for Aurelia."

"Aurelia has her mother. She needs her mother," L'haiya says flatly. "She does not need me." 

The Garlean woman folds her hands in her lap, eyes half-shut with her lowered gaze. 

"I think I shall not be in her life for very much longer, L'haiya."

"Vittora-"

"You can see the way of things- how it is with me." Leaf-green eyes, seeming enormous in that drawn face, gaze at her with a silent plea in their depths. The distant sorrow has returned and with it a gleam of fear. "The chirurgeons are very careful not to voice their thoughts, but every night when I close my eyes to sleep I can feel another piece of my strength slip away. One more piece I know I shan't have back. They don't need to tell me what I already know."

Understanding strikes her like a bolt of wild levin- or perhaps a brutal punch to the gut. Looking at Vittora with this newfound discovery she can see a knowing look in her friend's eyes. It is as though Vittora can sense the spectral hand of her own mortality reaching forth from some as yet unwritten future to claim her for its own. 

"L'haiya. Please." Vittora's voice is soft, conciliatory. "Julian goes to these lengths because he is not yet willing to face the truth. I need you to be there for her when-"

Vittora doubles over, wheezing, clutching at her chest with one hand. The commotion startles the child out of her play, and L'haiya sees a flash of gold and wide, anxious eyes of a curiously dark blue. Immediately the little girl shoves her toys aside with a loud clatter and clambers to her feet with the clumsiness of the very young. In moments she has reached the grand high-backed chair where her mother sits wreathed in a nest of blankets and soft sheepskin. 

"Mama," she tugs on Vittora's sleeve, tiny features crumpled with anxiety. The motion bounces her hair; her still-developing third eye is visible for just a moment beneath that cap of curls, a sliver of pearlescent white no larger than the tip of a fingernail. Her mother's coughing fit recedes, surf pulled away from the shore by a rising tide. 

"All is well, sunshine." Vittora's hand falls back to her lap and she raises her chin. Her lips are suspiciously reddened, but she smiles at her daughter and runs her fingers through her hair. Tears stand in her eyes but do not spill. "See?"

"Up, Mama." Heedless of aught save her own desire to give and receive comfort, Aurelia attempts to drag herself onto Vittora's lap. L'haiya gently plucks her fingers from one of the coverlets piled atop her mother's legs, then hoists the child into her arms only for her to make her displeasure known with a thwarted whine. "No!"

"Your mama needs her rest."

"Mama," Aurelia insists, her lower lip wobbling. It's a trick she's used on countless servants and even her own parents in the past but L'haiya is unmoved by it, and merely adjusts the girl's weight from her arm to her hip. As the toddler squirms in her arms, the Miqo'te turns her attention back to the child's mother.

"Since it's clear you'll badger me until the decision is made in your favor, pray consider it done," she says at last, somewhat testily. 

"I am eternally grateful." Vittora's smile is in turns sad and knowing, and she cannot bear it for more than a few moments. "Thank you, L'haiya."

Her eyes turn to the wall of white swirling in the storm beyond the window. Somewhere beyond it are the slow blinking lights along the walls that separate the imperial palace complex from the rest of the city, and L'haiya forces herself to shove down the sudden surge of bitterness. 

What else is there to say? To do? She knows she could not have refused. She loves Vittora Remianus with the surety of a beloved sister, and she knows what she would do for her own half-sister should such an unlikely circumstance ever occur, and so she will raise this child for her friend's sake. Of course she will. And just as every other citizen of the Empire must do when called to bend to the whims of its rulers, her own dreams are not so much relinquished as they are flung into the darkness, to be discarded along with all the other parts of herself she has sacrificed to fill an imperfect mold.

She feels as though she has just given her life away. She knows she has.

Outside, the northern wind howls around the villa's steel eaves like a despairing scream.

[babbushka]

Under-cover(s)

(gif by @stevenrogered​)

Flip Zimmerman x Reader 

4.5k ; NSFW lol 

You’re waiting up for him, as you always do. It’s late, but that’s nothing new, nothing special. He’s been going in late lately, having to stay extra hours at the station, people fucking up their paperwork which fucks up his paperwork which which which. He had called you though, called to let you know he was on his way home, and eagerly, you waited.

It’s just after two in the morning when there’s a knock at the door, and you frown. Panicking for a split second, you check to make sure your robe is tied all the way tight, and fearing the worst, you rush to the foyer. Flip never knocks, why would he? He’s got his key, unless something happened to it, unless something happened to him.

You practically yank the door open, and are met with a sight so confusing that you almost don’t know what to make of it all.

“Honey?” You ask, because that’s him, that’s your Flip.

Except…it’s not. Not how you left him, anyway, with a kiss and a smile and a fresh mug of coffee when you had visited the station for lunch. Instead of his neatly ironed flannel and blue jeans, he’s wearing a black tank-top and camo jacket. Instead of his star he’s got silver chains, and instead of his boots, there’s a shiny black pair of loafers on his feet.

“Baby.” He says with a nod of his head, leaning against the door frame real sensual, casual, as if this were the most easy breezy normal thing he’d ever done.

“What…is this?” You can’t stop yourself from asking, halfway torn between bursting into laughter, and yanking his lips down onto yours.

Because fuck, though it isn’t anywhere near what your husband normally looks like, how he normally dresses, or even how he normally carries himself…you can’t deny that this look is – while incredibly ridiculous – extremely attractive.

He doesn’t answer your question at first, instead holds up a pint of your favorite flavor of ice cream.

“I brought you ice cream.” He says, and obvious statement, and you do crack a smile then at the situation, even as you take it from his huge hand.

“Thank you Flip, but what – ”

“My name’s Bryan.” He corrects, and you hesitate for a minute, picking up what he’s putting down, knowing exactly what’s going on here.

“With an I?” You ask, because you have to know.

And he smiles then too, he breaks character as he scratches the back of his neck in a very Flip manner, chews the inside of his cheek and shakes his head at you.

“No, a Y.” He winces, and you wince too, the both of you giggling like teenagers there in the dark of the foyer.

“Flip, ew.” You tease, making him immediately playfully straighten his shoulders, give you a warning look that has no real heat behind it, a look that has you rolling your eyes anyway as you apologize, “Sorry, Bryan. Don’t be shy, come on in.”

You leave the door, leave the foyer entirely, as you go to the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer. It’s halfway melted, now something closer to ice cream soup than whatever it originally was, but that’s no problem. Ice cream re-froze just fine, even if the texture might be a little off.

You keep bracing yourself for his strong arms to wrap around your waist like they’re wont to do, but a couple seconds go by and your husband still hasn’t glued himself to your body. You frown with concern, thinking maybe something has happened, and close the freezer, sticking your head out into the hall to try and get eyes on your man.

“Honey?” You ask, calling quietly, not wanting to wake up the baby.

You see him creeping through the living room, a strange sort of slow-motion to his limbs. You have a million questions, but you mostly just stare at him, because while he’s being very silly, he’s also taking off that awful jacket of his, letting it slide down down down his arms and onto the couch as he passes by it.

You have a thing for his arms, he knew it. You knew he knew it. The way they were creamy smooth, speckled only with a few beauty marks and even fewer scars, ones that made him look like the badass he was trying to be right now.

“I’m on my way.” He winks in the low light of the living room, but he doesn’t seem particularly eager to get to you in that panicked rushed way he always is normally.

“…Are you okay?” You ask, putting your hands on your hips.

“Yeah I’m just taking my time baby.” He reassures you, and you’re really smiling now, really on the verge of getting the giggles, because he doesn’t ever call you baby, not really, not like that.

“Can I convince you to walk a little faster?” You quirk an eyebrow, fighting a grin, but he holds his hand up and shakes his head.

“Nope – ” He starts, but you cut him off by undoing the tie on your robe completely, the plush fabric parting and revealing your naked body underneath it, making him choke, making him have to stumble onto the couch so he doesn’t lose his footing as he croaks out an,  “Oh fuck.”

“Yeah that’s what I thought.” You grin, the robe sliding down your arms to pool around your wrists.

He leans back against the couch, legs spread and arms resting on the tops of the cushions, and dammit all, he looks good. He looks so good.

Especially when he raises one of his strong hands and crooks it, beckons you forward with an, “Bring that ass here.”

You want to be difficult, feel that it is your duty as his most beloved wife, to be difficult.

“Who are you talkin’ to like that?” You ask, sauntering across the living room and settling on his lap, your legs on either side of his wide hips, your hands tucking his hair back behind those big ears of his that you so adore, before slowly removing the ugly sunglasses away from his face. “Because I know it ain’t me.”

“Ketsl.” Flip warns, and you bite a laugh away from your mouth, trying to school your expression.

“Sorry, Bryan.” You say, make sure to be breathless, like those girls in the adult flicks that keep premiering.

You think this whole scenario is a lot like those flicks; you in your undone robe, sitting on his lap while he looks like he does coke off of a girl’s tits.

Speaking of tits, Flip is drawn to yours the second they’re close enough to his face. He pushes them together and nuzzles his face into your cleavage, kisses the tops of your breasts and bites the flesh of your sternum, teeth scraping lightly against you.

“It’s okay baby,” He says, voice muffled by the way he’s suffocating himself if your chest, “But you know what I was thinking?”

He peers up at you, and you smile, comb your fingers through his hair.

“What’s that?” You ask, indulging him, always indulging him.

“I was thinking we could play that game you like.” He offers, a glint in his eye that slowly deepens and melts into the very familiar look of lust.

“Hmmm, which one?” You ask, arching your back into his hands, pressing your body against his, giving the both of you what you want.

“The one where we fuck each other until we black out.” He says so low that you feel the baritone of his voice practically pass through you, the vibrations of how deep his register can go, shaking quaking through you.

“Oh, I do like that game.” You’re really breathless now, the wind knocked out of you at the thought that you’ll get to come and come and come again, as many times as he can make happen, as many times as he can drag out of you.

He loves dragging them out of you, the moans, the orgasms; it’s his own personal championship game, his own high score he’s trying to beat. The lucky number so far is eight, eight times in three hours, and you have a feeling something about this new look, this new costume, this new disguise…something about it means tonight you’ll have no trouble breaking the record.

Flip tightens his grip on you and hoists you up as he stands, making you nearly yelp out as you cling to him. He’s good about shit like this, you think, the Marines did one thing right for him – bulked him up huge, big and strong, able to carry you no problem. 

And carry you he does, all the way to your bedroom, all the way to the bed where he dumps you, makes you bounce on the mattress with a laugh and a, “Hey!”

“Put some music on.” Flip instructs, bossy bossy bossy.

You think it’s funny, when he thinks he’s in charge. You humor him anyway, indulge him, and you roll your eyes as you leave the robe on the floor, walk over to the record player.

“Which one?” You ask, leafing through the vinyls, wondering what he’s in the mood for.

“One that’ll make you wet.” He says, smooth, too smooth, so smooth that you simply have to twist around and give him a look, one that conveys how impressed you are.

“Can’t get wet if I’m already wet.” You wink over your shoulder.

That seems to be the thing that breaks him, breaks his character. He’s suddenly demanding, suddenly insistent, abandoning the slow and composed attitude of this disguise. That quiet desperation of his comes back, the one you know and love, as he walks you backwards to the bed, crowds your space even as you fall back onto the mattress, back of your knees hitting the soft sheets.

“Let me see.” He asks, dropping to his knees eagerly at the edge of the bed, right where you’re sitting.

You smile, because there he is, that’s your husband through and through, and he bites his lips as you spread your legs for him. Almost immediately he shoves his face into you, that nose of his prodding against your folds, making you chuckle at his eagerness.

“Yes!” You encourage him, heart beating fast, thinking to yourself that he looks criminally hot.

He winds his arms under your thighs and yanks you down so you’re laying flat, making you sigh, as his tongue already gets to work, already begins licking up the slick that’s making a mess between your thighs. You sigh happily, because fuck you’ve been waiting all day for this, wanted this ever since he ate you out before you served him breakfast. You’ve been thinking about this tongue for damn near a whole day, and your knees squeeze against the sides of his head now that you’ve finally got it back in your pussy where it belongs.

“You’ve got such sexy arms.” You groan, because it’s the only thing you can really see in the moonlight. His head is between your thighs and his tank top of black, so all that’s visible are those muscular biceps that flex and tremble around you.

“Yeah?” He asks into your pussy, making you groan and moan loud, making you have to slap a hand over your mouth so you don’t accidentally get too loud and wake the baby who sleeps only a few rooms away down the hall.

“Yeah, and big hands. Big feet.” You grin, other hand tangling in his hair, holding him in place as you press your hips up to meet each thrust of his tongue as he wriggles it inside you. “You know what they say about men with big feet.”

That has Flip smiling, you can feel it, feel the way his mouth comes up to a quirked smile against you before he’s doing something, something like magic with his lips and his teeth and he’s sucking and suddenly you’re coming, back arching and legs tensing up where they’ve been thrown over his shoulders.

His goatee scratches your skin and your body is shocked through with bliss, white hot pleasure spreading up your spine. It’s the first of many, you know. That thought alone makes you breathe out low and slow through your nose, your legs shaking shaking shaking as he manhandles you, pushes your pleasure-soft body farther up the bed.

He rolls you over onto your stomach, presses your face into the mountain of plush pillows you keep on your side of the bed, steals one or two of those pillows and uses it to prop your hips up, uses it to support your pelvis while you can’t, your muscles made of marshmallow.

You hope he’s about to fuck you properly, but no, not yet, not if his tongue returning to your cunt is anything to go by. You’re about to lift your hands, about to prop yourself up so you can have leverage to push back against his face, but he’s too quick.

He grabs your wrists and crosses them behind your back, and you huff.

“Flip!” You whine as he cuffs you, shiny silver metal bracelets that he must have stashed in his back pocket, and you just hadn’t noticed. “Hey – no fair – ”

“Legs spread kestl,” He shushes you, kisses down your spine, smacks your ass hard enough to make your cunt drool all over the pillows. “I’m gonna get three out of this tight pussy before I shove my cock in you, and that’s a promise.”

Damn, you think, you had really hoped to come on his cock the whole night. And you would, you knew he’d make good on his promise, but you wanted to get railed sooner rather than later, wanted to feel the hot heavy slide of his dick in and out of your pussy now, not in an hour or however long he was going to make you wait.

“Don’t be mean.” You whine, not wanting to wait at all, wanting it now.

“I don’t know the meaning of the word, baby.” Flip’s made his way back down to your pussy, his calloused thumbs spreading your folds once again.

There’s come there for him to suck up, and he does, smears his face in it, rubs his face back and forth to bury himself in your cunt. It’s different from behind, different but still really fucking good, and your back pinches up because you desperately want to rock back onto his tongue, and you can’t.

“Oh – Flip – ” You moan, an error that makes him smack your ass, not even bothering to stop eating you out. You gasp, correcting your mistake, calling him by this fake name to go along with the persona, “Bryan, sorry, Bryan!”

You come again, easier now that the first one has already opened you up, has already given you a taste for the waves of pleasure that are yet to come. You call out his name again and again, can feel the sweat on your back where your arms, wrists, hands, are touching from the bindings. Your nipples rub against the sheets and you moan into the pillows, coming as he drinks you down.

He’s pleased with that, and one of his hands leaves your hip. You can hear the clink of his belt, the zipper being tugged down as he fishes his cock out, jerks himself off while he eats your pussy. He’s the pussy eating king, you’ve decided, you want to shout to the whole world.

Instead you just moan, face pressed into the pillows to try and mitigate some of the noise.

“Yeah that’s right baby.” Flip grumbles, getting too lost in his own head as he pulls away, jerking himself off faster. You can hear it, can hear the stickiness of it, can hear him spitting into his palm to slick up his cock. “You taste so fuckin’ sweet. I love taking you apart, love making you come on my tongue.”

Instead of his tongue though, it’s his fingers that find their way between your legs. They’re wet from your own arousal, your own orgasm, and the noise that it makes when he pumps them slowly in and out of you is almost sick. You’re grateful for the pillows because there’s no way you’d be able to hold yourself up for him, not at all, not if your next orgasm depended on it – which it does.

If he’s the pussy eating king, then he’s the fingering master, you think as he finds no trouble at all bringing those quick breaths out of you. You’re panting and he’s panting just from the sheer proximity of your body to his, his heart beating straight through to his fingers. You can feel it, feel the way the blood is pulsing through him as he curls his hand against your walls, his middle three fingers thrusting into you right against the spot inside your cunt that makes the stars dance behind your eyelids.

“Fuck,” You’re so wound up, desperate, you’re so close to coming again that it feels like you might scream if you can’t, like you might burn the entire world down if he stops now. “You really do have big fucking hands.”

“Know how to work them too, don’t I? You like that? Like the way I touch you?” He’s babbling now too, the two of you a mess for one another, the two of you so hot for one another that he’s coming onto your lower back just because he has to, just because he needs to to get it out, to make room for the rest of it that he’s going to empty inside you.

“Bryan please can I have your cock?” You know he’s still hard, you know he is, he’s never finished after coming once, “I’ll blow you, I’ll fuck – I’ll do anything, just get your cock in me.”

“No, you haven’t earned it yet.” He denies you as his fingers speed up, as his thumb finds your swollen clit and your eyes snap open.

“Bryan, honey – yes, right there, please?” You’re begging, pleading, crying because he doesn’t relent, doesn’t pull away, brings you to a third orgasm easily. You don’t even know why, don’t even know what you’re asking for, when you gasp out a, “Please!”

You want the fucking cuffs off, tell him as much by snapping your fingers and pointing to the restraints. He quickly gets them off of you, tosses them across the room, neither of you bothering to check where it lands.

With your wrists free, he rolls you over onto your back once again, spreading his come all over the sheets, your lower back sticking to them. You don’t even care, you have to do the laundry anyway. You watch Flip as he shakily crawls up the bed, sits upright against the headboard.

He’s still dressed, still has his fucking tank top and chains on. Somehow, in the throes of your orgasm, you missed him taking off his pants, which you’re grateful for, because the last thing that you really want right now is chafing from the denim.

“Now, there’s a good girl.” He purrs, beckons you forward yet again, pats his muscular thigh and in that deep voice of his says, “Come sit on my cock baby.”

You try to be sultry as you slink up the bed, catlike and sexy. You bat your lashes at him and have half a mind to suck his dick, to blow him like you said you would. But you’re too needy right now, too hungry for him, and when you finally make your way all the way up to where you’re straddling his thighs, you decide you’ll blow him in the morning.

“Oh!” You sigh happily as you sink down onto his cock, finally getting stuffed full the way you’ve been after, finally getting speared on his dick the way you’ve wanted, “Oh yeah.”

“Look at me.” He nips at your jaw, hands squeezing your tits, palms spread across them encompassing them as much as he’s able to.

“I can’t.” You shake your head with your eyes closed.

“How come?” He asks with a frown, letting out a long groan as he bottoms out completely inside you, as he can feel the head of his cock knocking your cervix, can feel the wince of pleasure, the shock of it, that ripples through you.

“Because I’ll laugh.” You say truthfully, and even just the mention of him disguise, the mention of how ridiculous it is, has you biting back a grin, has your chin wobbling from holding back a fit of giggles.

“Ketsl,” Flip whines, chuckling in his own right, shaking his head and grinning, “Come on, isn’t this sexy?”

He rolls his hips at that, rolls them in a way that makes you bite hard on the meat of his shoulder. You’re oversensitive, he knows that, you know he knows that. You’ll move your hips soon, just needing a moment to set yourself right, needing the buzzing bliss in your bones to quiet enough that your muscles aren’t jell-o.

“Where did you get these clothes?” You tease, hands smoothing over his shoulders, down his muscular chest, toying with the silver chains that had a real weight to them, enough to make you wonder who the hell these belonged to, “The back of a pimp supply truck?”

“I resent that.” Flip laughs out loud at that, a belly laugh that shakes through you, makes you shuffle back enough while still keeping his cock in you, a movement which proves difficult because as you lean back, he leans forward, the gravitational force of your tits keeping him close.  

“Hold on, if we just…” You tug the offending jewelry and shirt over his head, “There, now that’s something.”

“Now I’m just naked.” Flip points out, and you grin.

“Exactly.” You say, looping your arms around his neck and kissing him properly for the first time all evening, kissing and kissing him.

“You’re terrible to me.” He says between your teeth, says with his tongue stroking the roof of your mouth, sucking on your lips and biting them, kissing you with everything he has, “Terrible. I’m going to fuck you so good.”

“All yours, baby.” You say, a playful mockery of his sexy smooth voice that sounds like it belongs in a porno and not on your husband.

He pushes you backwards at that, has your stomach swooping from being handled so roughly, so quickly.

“Flip -- !” You yelp out, yelp because now he’s got you right where he wants you, has got you in the perfect position to plow his cock into you.

He was good about giving you a few minutes to let your cunt calm down, was good about making sure you weren’t crying yet, weren’t sobbing the big fat tears that often graced your cheeks. Those would come later, would show up when he pushes you over the edge for the fifth, sixth, seventh time. For now, you’re just sweaty, so sweaty, and loud.

“Ketsl, oh shit, (Y/N) god this pussy’s so good.” Flip’s cock feels heavenly inside you, and you push up to meet his thrusts, hungry, chasing the way it absolutely bangs you up from the inside. He’s not holding back, not like this, not now, and you’re glad, so fucking glad for it. “You’re so fucking tight, let me loosen you up, let me – ”

“Fuck, I’ve been wanting this all fucking night – ” You’re over the moon, you’re elated, you’re on fire, you’re ablaze with white hot pleasure as he works his dick inside you right, as he spits in your mouth and you swallow it down, as his hand closes around your throat and he grinds his hips against yours, as sucks on your neck and bites at your jaw and makes you moan moan moan for him.

“I’m gonna give it to you nice and slow baby, make it last all night.” He says, and that ruins it, ruins the whole mood, because you’re laughing again, laughing in between moans that make your chest hiccup.

“Phil oh my god.” You want to cover your face, want to cover his face.

You settle on the latter, a palm playfully smacking at his face to push his head away, because he’s too much, he’s just too much. You love him so much, love him as he bursts into laughter with you, love him as he bites at your fingers, nibbles at your palm. You love him even as he still pushes his dick into you, still fucks you real hard with it.  

“Princess, you keep teasing me like this and I’m only going to make you come six times.” He attacks your neck, your face, your chest with kisses, big sloppy wet ones; ones that have you shimmying and wriggling away from him, ones that tickle from his goatee.

“You wouldn’t dare.” You gasp, as if such an offense were criminal, and his eyes are sparkling with mirth when he kisses you on the lips, kisses you and rolls his hips against yours, fucks you nice and slow just like he promised.

“I wouldn’t,” Flip says, and there’s a blush high on his cheeks that you can see even in the moonlight, “But Bryan would.”

“Phil I cannot with you – ” You groan, a groan that melts into a moan that melts into a gasp as you’re coming, somehow inexplicably coming, coming despite the awful cheesy lines that you smug as shit husband keeps dropping.

“You married me.” He reminds you with a playful teasing smile of his own, fucking you through your orgasm, making you clutch at your chest, at the meat of his back, the hard muscles there that are working so hard to get you off, working so hard to keep you satisfied. “You chose this, all of this.”

And he’s right, you did. You married him happily, and you loved him happily, and you laughed with him happily, even as you get fucked. The sex you can laugh through is the best kind, you think, puckering your lips for another smooch, demanding his affection even as he’s giving it to you.

“You’re so fucking sexy, I hate you.” You pretend to be angry, a playful grin hurting your cheeks as the stars begin to fade behind your eyelids, as that white hot heat starts to cool down to just a red blooded simmer,  “Come on, you gotta get four more out of me.”

“Oh no baby,” Flip shakes the sweaty hair out of his face as he grabs your jaw and kisses you hard, as he drags you bodily to a cleaner part of the bed, hell bent on soiling all the sheets, as he picks up your legs and yanks you into a position he’s happy with.

Your chest is warm with love and laughter, but your pussy and hot and wet and you’re still in the throws of sex, in the heat of fucking, and you find that you don’t mind one bit this stupid outfit or the cheesy lines, not when he bends you in half and his hips begin to piston into you once again, and he says with a smirk,

“I’m aiming for ten tonight.”

-----------------

I have no idea what this was sorrey but im taggin some pals anyway lmao  @dreamboatdriver​ @kyloxfem​ @formerly-anonhamster​ @thepilotanon​ @solotriplets​   @fullofbees​ @bourbonboredom​ @driverficarchive​ @rosalynbair​ @redhairedfeistynerd​ @glitzescape @adamsnacc-kler​  @ladygrey03​ @venusianmaiden​ marvelous-blog-221 @edwardseyelashes​ @softcrybabykid @tinyplanet-explorers​ @riseofkylo​ @mandowhoreian​ @ah-callie​

[marauder-exe]

Roommates- Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: sebastian stan & reader are shooting a movie together in atlanta &his place gets flooded so they become roommates. at first he only sees her like a little sister since shes much younger than him (22) but then started seeing her differently while living together but doesnt realize it so he does nothing. then during the press tour and premiere for the movie fans noticed how he would look at her all the time &it got them trending in social media forcing him to finally admit his feelings to her 🙈

Word Count: 1.6k

Your eyes shot open as you heard the incessant loud knocking on your apartment door. You sleepily got up from your bed and headed towards the door. You groggily it wondering who the hell was knocking at 3 in the damn morning! To your surprise, it was Sebastian Stan. You and Sebastian had become fast friends a few months ago. You had been hired as the cool best friend in a new movie that was being made in Atlanta. Sebastian was the lead, so you would be spending a lot of time together, which you didn't mind. And soon you were close, closer to him than anyone else, and it was amazing. But why was he at your door at 3am? You were hoping it was some sappy declaration of love at 3am like you see in the movies, but you knew it wasn't, he only saw you as a sister. “Seb? What are you doing here? Come in come in” You rushed him in, turning on the lights. He had a lot of stuff in boxes with him. “Is everything alright?” He was cold and shivering. You sat him down on the sofa then you got up and went to the kitchen area, turning on the kettle. “Uh, one of my neighbours did something, not entirely sure what, but he ended up flooding the entire floor of apartments. So my apartment and a lot of my stuff got ruined, and I have nowhere to stay.” He explained. You returned to the sofa with two hot chocolates, Sebastian's favourite. “Of course you can stay here Seb, you can stay in my room” You sipped your hot chocolate and lay a hand on his arm. “I couldn't take your bed, ‘m already staying in your house, ill just take the couch” You gave him a look. “Seb” “(Y/N)” You sighed. “Fine, but I'm gonna get you lots of blankets alright” He nodded as you got up to go to the cupboard in the next room. Sebastian looked around your apartment. It was quaint, cute, full of life. You had many things hanging from the walls. Posters of some movies you've been in, certificates from childhood, even your graduation. You had graduated from a top drama school with a scholarship last year, coincidentally on the same day as your 21st birthday. It was a wild, drunken night. He smiled at the memory. Soon enough you returned with a heap of blankets in your arms. Sebastian immediately rushed over to help you with the big ball of blankets. He dropped them on the couch as you took a deep breath. You tiredly giggled and lay your head on his chest, sighing. “You sure you're alright? You did just lose your entire lively hood in water” You looked up at him. ��Yeah ill be fine” He waved it off. “As long as Ive got my best girl ill be fine” He smiled down at you as you smiled back. “Come on, let's get to bed, you've had a long day” You said your goodbyes and went to bed. You stared up at the ceiling. Sebastian was living with you now. Damn. Eventually you drifted off into sleep.

You awoke a few hours later to the smell of fresh pancakes coming from your kitchen. Honestly, Sebastian was something else. You jumped out of bed, wearing shorts and a vest top, slipping on your socks. You walked into the kitchen, the smell getting stronger. You spotted Sebastian with a spatula in his hand near the oven. “Alright love, fancy a pancake?” He smiled nonchalantly. You rushed over to him and placed a huge kiss on his cheek. “Oh my gosh I love you!” You sat down at the table, chomping down on the pancake, as you heard him throw his head back in laughter. “Its the least I could do” You mumbled something inaudible because of the pancake in your mouth and he laughed again. “Slow down, (Y/N)” He said as he slipped into the seat next to you with his own pancakes, you just gave him a smile. “So, any news on your apartment?” You asked, gulping down your pancakes. He nodded his head, taking a bite of his pancake. “They called an hour ago, they said there's a lot of damage and they wont know anything until next week” You nodded along. “Well you're free to stay here as long as you need” He smiled at you. You went to put your dishes away, and for the first time all day Sebastian actually looked at you, and you were beautiful. You were laughing at something random, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. Actual butterflies. He swore that only happened in movies. He had only seen you in a sisterly way up until now, now he was seeing you differently.

“Seba! Come on!” You shouted towards your room. Sebastian came rushing out in his 3 piece suit. “Damnnnn, Sebby got game!” You both laughed. “Do I look okay?” You questioned, giving one last glance in the mirror. “Of course, you look beautiful” He gave you a kiss on the cheek “Now come on! We don't wanna be late for your first press tour!” Sebastian rushed you into the car before you set off. Sebastian had been living with you for the past 6 months, and tonight was the press tour for the new movie you guys were in. Your first press tour, and you where glad it was with Sebastian. You made small talk, talking about how excited you were for your first press tour while Seb stared at you in admiration. He was glad he was with his best friend at her first press tour. The car came to a holt outside the hall. You stared outside at the huge hall, a starstruck look on your face, Sebastian looked over to you, wonder struck, and laughed. He loved seeing that look on your face. The same face you made the first time on set. He opened the car door and jumped out, making his way around the car to open your door for you. He held out his hand and you took it. “Ever the gentleman, Seba” You cooed. “Only for you” he responded, dragging you into the venue. There was paparazzi everywhere, cameras flashing constantly. It was a dream. Sebastian grabbed your hand and you flushed, looking down. He flushed as well. “You ready Sebby?” “Ready (Y/N/N)?” You both nodded and pushed open the doors. You heard a chorus of questioning interviewers, and paparazzi shouting you over. ‘Here (Y/N)’ ‘look over here Sebastian’. You stared up at him with a gigantic smile, finding he was already looking at you, he had an arm wrapped protectively around your waist. “Im so happy” You whispered. “Me too, smile for the camera” A smile reached his eyes and he looked back toward the cameras.

You and Sebastian barged through the doors to your apartment, kicking your shoes off and collapsing on the couch. You both let out a deep sigh, exhausted from the press tour. “That was one hell of a day” You sighed. “Your telling me” He chuckled. “i don't know about you but im ready for the biggest sleep of my life” You nodded in agreement as he took of his tie. He lay on the couch with his arm around you, too tired to move. Thats how you both fell asleep, for the next 12 hours, in each others arms. Until you were rudely woken up at 11am by your phone buzzing, Sebastian stirring and opening his eyes. “’mmm you alright, love?” His sleepy voice was heaven. “Yeah, my phones blowing up though” You said with furrowed brows. “Dude you and Sebastian are trending on twitter!” You read out the message from your best friend. “Guess the press tour photos are released” He chuckled. “Lets see whats trending then” He sat up to look at your phone. You opened up twitter and number one on trending was ‘AviPressTour’ which was no surprise, but on number two trending was ‘SebastiansCrush’. You gave him a confused glance. “What?” He asked, and you let him see your phone as you clicked on the hashtag. Your screen became filled with heartbroken teenage girls, and pictures of Sebastian lovingly staring at you, with a hand around your waist. One was entitled ‘i want someone to look at me the way Sebastian looks at (Y/N), you smiled at it. Sebastian gulped as he looked at the screen. Man he hated twitter. The top news story, ‘Is Sebastian Stans new boo only 22?’ It made you feel intimidated and uncomfortable. You knew Seb wouldn't like you like that because of your age. “Wo- woah, thats- thats crazy-” Sebastian stuttered, face red. No? He couldnt like you like that. Hell Sebastian didn't even knew he liked you like that until 2 minutes ago. Suddenly, every time he looked at you he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't kiss you. “Sebastian?” You questioned tentatively, turning to face him. He gulped. “Yeah?” “You like me, don't you?” You asked quietly, as if it was a secret never to be told. He stared at you, the same way he did last night, still in the same tuxedo and dress, day old makeup on. You looked as beautiful as ever. Without even thinking, he grabbed you and kissed you, its like his body had a mind of its own. You moved against each other, fitting together like puzzle pieces. You broke apart breathing heavily. “Yeah” He breathed. You stared at him quizzically. “What?” “Yes I like you” He spoke quietly, not daring to pierce the thick air with his voice. So you kissed him, as passionate as he kissed you, and smiled. You both lay against the couch, limbs tangled into each other. Bliss.

[lucidpantone]

Crack theory for how wtfock s4 premiere clip will go down: Am gonna jump off another crack theory presented today by @starual18. I think wtfock will open with Jana’s leaving party. Gotta say bye to our girl the right way ya know. Parties are great too because in wtfock that allows for multiple camera angles and povs at once. Keeps the audience on their toes. I think the camera is gonna shift a lot during the party leaving the almighty main question unclear. Am pretty sure even after the 1st clip drops we wont know the answer to our main question. The fandom will explode as we always do and the social engagement will begin. This is total headcanon btw I think clip 2 or 3 will be a phone or alarm going off at 07:27 (cuz wtfock loves a good callback to the last season). 

Wtfock is def gonna try to troll us so be prepared for even then to be seeing the mains room via their eyes directly so the audience pov is us in a room we dont recognize at all. Walking through a house we have never seen. I think we dont finally see the main until they step into their bathroom and we finally catch a glimpse of them looking back at us in the mirror or maybe checking out their outfit before heading out for the day. Once wtfock reveals the main be prepared for there to be a long wait for the next clip because wtfock will try to milk all the social engagement they can out of this moment.

**Bonus head canon** I think while everyone is tweeting, posting and insta-ing about the main wtfock is gonna throw us a curve ball in the form of social content which is gonna leave everyone like this 🤔😳🤡 while wtfock is like this 😈🙃.

[mafuyuh]

heyo do you have any lgbt+ anime recs? ((i've watched given, no.6 and banana fish already)) ur blog is v cool hope u have a good day

hey! thanks, i really like ur blog too 🖤 i’m gonna list some, but don’t expect them to be as good as the ones you have watched lol otherwise you can be disappointed. we don’t have many options when it comes to decent anime with lgbt relationships, and you have already watched some of the best ones kljdsgfd 

1. doukyuusei: its kinda similar to given and its such a sweet, simple movie but its only 1 hour ;( but its really cute!! it also has a manga and its still ongoing i think but im not sure since i havent read it

2. yuri on ice: you have probably heard about it before because its the most popular anime with a lgbt relationship in it.... tumblr was literally burning when this anime was airing. but its not my favorite because some important things got censored and the relationship was never actually confirmed which made me mad

3. neon genesis evangelion: well this anime is actually not gay until ep 24 but ep 24 is like really gay and its canon. it has a movie as well about the couple but idk if you’d want to watch this one because you know its not about the relationship it has a completely different story

4. mo dao zu shi: ok so this is a chinese anime so dont be surprised if you watch this kjsdgf you can watch this on youtube for free with eng subs. butttt the relationship never gets confirmed because you know.... china... its portrayed as bromance but it has a novel (its originally a novel) and the relationship is canon in the novel, it also has a manga i think and it must be canon in the manga as well. there is a tv series too which is pretty popular but its not canon in there too :// i haven’t finished this because of the bromance but maybe you would want to watch it

5. devilman crybaby: oh this one .... is really extreme. like really extreme. the anime is not about the gay couple and the couple kiiinda never gets confirmed but its there and everyone can see it. clearly. some say its canon but i dont really remember tbh. but the couple was together all the time so maybe it can make up for not being canon

the ones i havent watched because i think they were solely made for fetishizing mlm couples but most people watched: junjou romantica, love stage, sekaiichi hatsukoi, hitorijime my hero.... more can be found here

there is also a new lgbt movie thats about to premiere in japan today and its umibe no etranger! it looks so good and i cant wait to watch it online but it probably wont be available to watch online for a few months :// you can take a look at the trailers or read the manga while waiting for the movie 

hope this was helpful!

[comicsnas]

showtime

WARNING: eye gore!!, violence Disclaimer: this is..... an au where guy fieri isnt a cool and chill dude that just likes food. i am very sorry for what i do to him in this. i dont mean it and if the cops knock at my door i will blame it on hussie word count: about 3.7k. i am so sorry

context john gets kidnapped by his mom dave doesnt panic

Los Angeles, CA, Wednesday

“No matter what happens, nobody cancels the premiere,” you say. “Okay? No matter what’s in the news. No matter how bad it gets. The movie drops on Thursday, and people are gonna watch it. Got it? This is a scare tactic and we’re not falling for it. Even if the world is ending, we are premiering this movie and going through with the promo. With or without me.”

Catalena, your manager, has been with you for too long to think that you’re joking. She was who flew you in from Houston to LA back when you were twenty, who let you sleep on your couch until you made enough money to get an apartment, who thought that the message you had for the world was one worthy of her help. She knows that all of this is real, and that she can’t stop you.

Her face says, Dave, you’re scaring me. Her mouth says, “You got it. Could you at least tell me… what you think is going to be in the news that would make us not premiere it?”

“Something bad,” you say. “Hopefully, anyway.”

She tilts her head. “Are you faking your death?”

“Lalonde and I are gonna disappear for a sec,” you say. “How people interpret that is gonna be up to them.”

“Not like you to leave things up to chance,” Catalena says. “Some will think it’s elaborate PR.”

“That’s why I’m only telling you. Lalonde and I are gonna frame this to look serious, and no one else is gonna know what’s going on. You keep your cool, but don’t let anyone know that you’re in on it.”

“I mean, I barely am.” She gives you a Look, a capital L Look, then sighs and nods. “Fine. So if I hear about your presumed death tomorrow, I won’t freak out. At what point am I allowed to assume you are actually dead, and freak out a little bit?”

“If you don’t hear from me in a week,” you say, “then Lalonde and I have been killed by Betty Crocker.”

Houston, TX, twelve years ago

You’re blind.

That’s not true. You’re not blind. You don’t think you are going to be blind. There is no way that you’re fully blind, because the assassin only got your right eye, so it doesn’t make sense for you to be blind, but you’re blind.

The pain might originate from your right eye, but it’s engulfing your entire head by now, and there is something sticky in your left eye and you can’t open it anymore and it burns, and you’re going to go blind, and then you’re going to die in a ditch, in a pool of your own blood, and this is it. It’s over. You and your half sister fucked around on the internet a bunch, got really deep into some conspiracy theories, and barely two weeks after you made the discovery that Betty Crocker definitely, undoubtedly, literally is an actual alien, someone was sent to kill you.

They didn’t manage, so far. They got your eye, and they broke your glasses, leaving a cut on your nose, and a bunch of cuts everywhere else, and you think you cracked your head open when you fell. But you cut their knife hand off, good and clean off, watched it fall to the ground right in front of you. By the time it hit the pavement, the assassin had already turned around and ran away, leaving you to crumple and suffer here by yourself.

This is it.

“Strider?” Rose says. Before the blood trickling into your good eye ruined your vision, you managed to dial her number and call her up, and now you’re lying on your side with your phone pressed to your ear, imagining her in her college dorm room in New York. You were going to visit her there, years ago, after you ran away from your parents. It never worked out. Neither of you has the money. You really wish you could have seen her at least once.

“Yeah,” you croak. “You at home?”

“At the dorm, yes. What’s going on?”

“You gotta go. She sent someone after me, she’s gonna come for you too. If she knows that I know, she’ll know that you know.”

One of the most comfortable parts of friendship with Rose, you’ve found, is that she never asks you to clarify what the fuck you’re talking about. Either she just lets you ramble, or she knows exactly what you mean. “Shit,” she hisses, and you can hear rustling on her side of the line, hopefully from her getting ready. She probably has a getaway bag somewhere, you think. You have one, but not on you right now. It’s too late for that.

“They’ve already hit me, so whoever she sent to you can’t be far,” you say. You try to blink your eye open, but then it hurts the other more, and it burns. You can’t even tell where exactly. It just burns. “Hurry up, Lalonde.”

“They’ve hit you?” she echoes, still rustling, breathing into the phone. On the move. Good. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you say. “Gonna call an ambulance after this. Just get the fuck out and text me later, yeah?”

Rose pauses. You can hear her pause, you can hear everything go very silent for a second. She says, “You called me before you called for help?”

“Yeah,” you say. She told you, once, that there is a quick and easy way out the window of her second-storey dorm room, that lets her balance over to her girlfriend’s room only a few windows ahead. She can’t hide there, it’s too close, but it’s a start. She’ll figure it out, she always will. She was the first person to ever have your back. “Of course I did.”

On a plane, Thursday morning

“What’s on your mind?” Rose asks.

You’re leaned back, staring out the window, listening to the clicking of her knitting needles next to you. The pilot here doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, just that he is flying two rich people and their car to Washington, DC. Your Mustang is in the cargo part of the plane, a vital part of the plan. You’ll torch it later. It was the first car you bought with your own money, after SBaHJ had become big and you had finally paid off your hospital debt.

Rose’s apartment isn’t that old, she got it after Roxy was born and she decided to move to Los Angeles, so you could help each other babysit. Trashing it still felt wrong. A home is a home, but you wanted it to look broken into, to make sure that people put two and two together. This isn’t a Dave Strider marketing scheme, you both got hit. After all the work that you’ve done, at least some of the public should understand what that means.

“Us,” you say.

“That’s very sentimental,” she says. “Are you sure you aren’t mourning your car again?”

“Shut up,” you say, and blindly swat at her, hitting her elbow. She hits you back, hand slapping your shoulder. “It’s a good car.”

Rose hums. When you look at her, she’s already back to knitting. You have no idea what she’s making, but it looks like a onesie for an octopus. “We will be fine,” she says. “We have to.”

You nod, and go back to staring out the window, thinking about what Alma said. “It’s just,” you say quietly. “We gotta start thinking about the endgame, here, don’t we.”

“Start?” Rose echoes. “Dave, we know the endgame to this. We’ve known for a while. The second you landed in the hospital with a cut inside your eyeball, you and I both knew that this would end in death.”

You don’t say anything. She’s right, of course she is. You knew then, and she knew, as soon as you texted her from your hospital bed, and she texted you back from a Greyhound bus. And you tried to forget, you both did, for a very long time. You almost managed, for a whole decade, until last year, someone made you scared and angry enough to ram a sword through his throat. Until Rose came and disassembled the body on your rooftop, and then helped you burn it. Reality has caught up with you, and someone is going to die.

The clicking of her needles has stopped again. You turn your head to look at her, and she’s looking back at you, and her face seems younger than it should be. She is just as scared as you are. Neither of you ever wanted it to go this far. Neither of you wanted to kill.

“I don’t like it either,” Rose says. “But someone is going to wind up dead, and it sure as shit isn’t gonna be us.”

Washington, DC, now

)(IC: u comin or what TG: yeah about that

You’re on the hood of your car. The children -- and Sally, John’s pet hedgehog -- are with the one sitter you still trust. Rose is in position, which means she is at a remote location outside the city holding Guy Fieri hostage. She has sent you a picture of him tied to a chair and gagged, which means that it’s go time.

All according to plan.

TG: how about you come kill me somewhere else instead of home sweet home )(IC: why would i do that TG: dying mans last request? )(IC: stfu lol this is so obviously a trap TG: wow ok so is yours )(IC: fair TG: just thought that you know TG: john means something to both of us and dont try to tell me no because i know he does TG: so like can we maybe duke it out somewhere where i wont accidentally blow him to smithereens TG: innuendo intended )(IC: UG)( )(IC: gross TG: lmao TG: anyway bethany you know me and you know im comin with c4 in my backpack if im comin TG: do you really want that around your son or can you just get off your ass and meet me here so john stays safe )(IC: u reely think ya have a fighting chance to even get that far )(IC: buoy you set one foot in my house and ya get spearfished TG: yeah not really making a great point for me to come there rn TG: just thought maybe youd wanna be with your guy guy )(IC: who TG: you know TG: guy the guy )(IC: tf

You text her the picture that Rose sent, just Guy Fieri looking miserable, no indication of whether or not you or Rose are with him.

)(IC: )(-EY )(IC: motherglubber what do u think yoar doin TG: yoar??? TG: thats literally not a word. wym you oar?? what TG: anyway im gonna dismember this asshole if you dont agree to keep john safe and come here and im gonna start with the frosted tips )(IC: FIN--E )(IC: cant effin wait to be done with you )(IC: ill come krill ya if its so shrimportant just gimme the location TG: ok shrimportant is actually pretty funny TG: [coordinates] TG: see you soon

She drives a fuchsia Jaguar that looks like Xzibit threw up all over it, because of course she does. You watch it leave from your perch on your Mustang, then slide off the hood. shes gone, you text Rose. get ready to bounce

Before you leave, you turn back toward you car, and gently pat the roof. “See you soon,” you repeat, “for one last ride.”

Look, it’s a good car, alright.

Later on in the plan, once you’ve convinced John to come with you, and Rose has joined you in the no doubt brutal course out of the house littered with security guards, the three of you will pack into this car, and you will drive. You will be tailed, you know you will. Rose and you estimate two to three SUVs with more security personnel that will follow you, and sooner or later, you won’t stand a chance against them.

So, you’ll call the cops. You don’t usually do this -- even during all these years, neither you nor Crocker ever called the police on each other, and technically, you still won’t, today. You will just anonymously call authorities, and tell them about a burning car by the side of the road. Then you will hang up, and you and Rose and John will hop out of a moving vehicle as you crash your beloved Mustang and have it go up in flames. Authorities will come and find Dave Strider’s infamous car, and hopefully that’ll get people talking.

Crocker’s guys will hopefully exit their cars and go looking for you, or at least for John. It’s an easy con from there -- while they look, you will steal their SUVs and drive off toward your safehouses. Simple. No sweat.

“This better work,” you mutter to yourself, then leave your car behind and start climbing the fence around Crocker manor.

You’ve been here once before, while she was out and John was showing you around. You weren’t actively trying to case the place back then, just spending time with your boyfriend and checking out where he grew up, but you couldn’t help how curious you were. You still remember the most important spots, and you did your best to paint a proper picture of them to Rose (you drew a map in MS Paint), so now you have a pretty good idea of where you need to go.

The guard posts, of course, are randomized. You’ll have to take these as they come, and you feel prepared enough, with just your sword and a handful of knives. You’re wearing the kevlar you wore to the Oscars. You’re gonna be fine.

It’s a race against time now, knowing that there is no guarantee when Crocker will be catching on and returning to her house, and knowing that you stand no chance actually fighting her face to face. You climbed in toward the side of the house, because it’s the shortest distance between fence and wall. The front and back yards are ridiculously huge and opulent, and while you would have plenty of gaudy statues to hide behind, you’re not looking to make your way through there.

The first guard spots you right as you hop down off the fence, and your knife is in his shoulder before he even finishes drawing his gun on you. He’s also wearing a vest, but those don’t stop blades, and you take offense in knowing that she made them dress up like that. As if either you or Rose were going to show up with guns. She really doesn’t know you at all. You knock out the guard with a hit of the knife grip against his temple. Maybe you can get through this without deaths.

One of them you comfortably take out from behind a useless fountain placed in this part of the garden for some reason, appreciating how quiet and low-key you can be about it so far. The bigger the ruckus, the sooner she’ll return, so having them all go down in silence is your best case scenario.

It’s the third guard that ruins your track record. You’re almost at the house wall, and you know you’re under the right window, which means all you have to do is scale it and climb right into John’s room, but for that to work you need to have a clean path behind you. Which you don’t, you realize the second a bullet hits your back.

Your vest catches it, but the momentum still knocks you down, and you scrape both of your palms open on the weird break between lawn and pavement. You hate this fucking garden. Who lives like this? You’re gasping for breath and trying not to inhale any grass, dealing with the reality that this is the first time someone has shot at you and actually hit you, and the bullet might not have penetrated skin at all, but Jesus Fucking Christ it still feels awful. Like someone kicked you in the spine, only with a bullet instead of a foot.

Onward. You hear footsteps behind you, and now it’s your turn to kick, hitting them in the face with your boot in the same motion that you’re pushing yourself up from the ground. As they curse and stumble, you draw your sword, but they catch their footing quickly, and you know you only have a split second to act. That gun is pointing at you, again, or still, and they’re going for your head this time, and if you don’t fight now, the journey ends for you here. Someone is going to die, and it sure as shit can’t be you. Your arm darts forward.

The sword goes through their vest, their ribs, and their heart -- you wouldn’t call it smoothly, you really wouldn’t. You can feel resistance with every inch, you feel it right up to your shoulder, and you hate it, and it makes you want to throw up, but you can’t, now. You shove them off your blade and watch them crumple to the ground, and turn right back toward the wall. They are not getting up again. That’s on you, and you can deal with that later. You have to get moving.

Your phone vibrates.

You manage to pull yourself up on a balcony and crouch there, hiding from whatever is going on in the yard now. Other guards must have heard the shot being fired, so you really need to get the fuck out of sight, but this has to do, for now. If Crocker is messaging you, you have to respond, so she doesn’t think you’re in her goddamn garden.

)(IC: yo )(IC: send me proof yoar still with him )(IC: almost there this betta be worth it TG: one sec

As expected. All according to plan, so far. You hope the blood on your sword won’t make the sheath sticky. You’ll have to clean it, later. You don’t want to.

TG: shes asking for proof TG: go ahead. sorry TT: No worries. TT: I know we don’t endorse violence, but honestly, Dawon, after being in a room with him for this long, I am quite happy to do this.

She sends you a picture, and you grimace at your phone. It takes a lot to make you grimace, as a Strider born and raised -- at the same time, you’re not easily shocked or grossed out, but this isn’t great to look at. Fieri’s eye has been pulled from its socket, dangling down his cheek suspended from the nerve, a hole in the eyeball. You hope Crocker won’t be able to tell that this was done with a knitting needle, and forward the photo to her.

TG: hows this )(IC: )(--EY FUCK OFF )(IC: stop i reely like guy 38( TG: yeah well i really like john TG: eye for an eye TG: hurry it up im waiting and theres a second eye to gauge out )(IC: ten minutes )(IC: ur gonna be so sorry buoy

TG: 10 mins TT: On my way.

Okay. Crocker is on her way to a location where there will only be Guy Fieri and a set of elaborate boobytraps which you know won’t kill her, but hopefully slow her down. Rose is on her way here, to help you and John get out of here. That’s plenty of time you still have. Things are going suspiciously well, you think, before you remember the ache in your back and the fact that you killed someone.

You have to get to John.

He’s another two floors up, but you are right in front of a balcony door. For a second, you wonder if you could get into the house from here and do the rest from inside, so you don’t present yourself to the mob of people with guns in the garden. Unfortunately, before you can do that, another person with a gun appears on the other side of that door, mouths an angry what the fuck at you, and draws an assault rifle. Alright, well.

The thing that has mostly kept you from becoming too violent in the past is the fact that you’re fast, and you’re a great climber, so when you hop backward onto the banister of the balcony and pull yourself up to the next one above you, it happens so fast that nobody in the garden reacts. It’s after you’re already crouching behind the balcony, thankfully made of robust concrete, that the shots start hitting it. You do nothing, count the bullets, wait for them to get rid of half of their magazines down there. Then you pull a knife, peek over the balcony, and throw it right into someone’s bicep.

More shots. More ducking and counting. You have two more knives to throw, and you do, rinse and repeat. The people down there are very angry with you now, and very much still able to shoot, but you figure at least their aim will be off, and they’ll be slower. You hope. You haven’t held a gun yourself in fucking forever.

You take a breath, and jump up to grab the balcony you know belongs to John.

As soon as you’re in the open, another bullet hits your back, further toward your side this time, and you almost let go. You let out an undignified noise instead, and hold on harder, focusing all you have into your arms to pull yourself up. Shots are ringing in your ears, and one hits the concrete right next to your head at almost the same time that another one grazes your leg. You hiss in pain, grunt in exertion, pull, pull, and roll yourself onto John’s balcony.

Someone in the garden yells, “Motherfucker!”

You sit, curled up, and pull apart the tear in your pants with your aching fingers to check the wound. It’s not deep, certainly not as bad as the chunk of missing flesh you have in your arm from being shot at last year. It’s fine. You’ll forget about it in a second, when your newest problem will be telling your amnesiac boyfriend that he needs to come with you.

You pull yourself up into a crouch, not more. You don’t want to risk getting shot in the head as you finally face him, so you just do it like this. Hunkered down, disheveled and bloody, you lean forward and knock on John’s window.

[deansawthetvglow]

2, 9, and 14 for them sweet sweet Destiel asks!!

Ooooo yeah love them okay okay

Also disclaimer mobile is spacing this answer SO weird so just ignore that lmao

Doing this !

Fave destiel moment

Okay SOOOO many but like..I dunno I just really love S8 destiel, like the whole “where’s the angel” “i’m not leaving here without you” “i think i’m seeing him” story line. Like idk if that counts as a moment, but I just really think that all made it so clear to me that Destiel is being Written Romantically. Like idc if people deny it at that point, you can’t just logically omit the destiel story line from your memory at that point. I shipped destiel earlier on, but yeah, s8 is what got me so convinced and hooked that OH MY GOD, its actually ROMANTIC like fULLY, like INTEGRAL TO THEIR CHARACTERS

I think i answered that one once w a diff answer long ago, but thats how im feelin tn lmao

Most heartbreaking

Jesus okay...so I would say 12x23-13x05 bc I just could feel for dean, his grieving process, his pain his hurt and Cas trying so hard to get back to his human, BUT the ones where they make a CHOICE that separates them hurt me more.

So like 9x03-06, seeing cas as the most beautoful pure human struggling to survive without the one attachment he has to humanity?? And dean telling him he can’t stay?? My heart BROKE at that, and I know that in the end, Dean didnt have a choice at the time BUT Cas thought there was a decision made there. And that rejection, the way Cas must have felt looking into deans eyes and seeing him asking him to leave...pleading with him??? Ugh.

Also just gonna add in the “we are” “i think its time for me to move on” s15 sequence because those scenes were SO powerful and seeing dean feel so hopeless and cas feel so worthless ??????? Yeah, I still cant even process it tbh, I’m just waiting for the floodgates to open at this point

s15 DeanCas predictions

I thought I had this down pat until i watched the jaxcon panels which have me equally so optimistic for endgame destiel and ALSO so terrified bc its looking so positive...so I’m gonna ignore endgame for now and just comment on some little pieces.

Cas is gonna die, or get taken by the empty. Will it be mid season finale? Mid season premiere? Idk but i think itll be around then...and i think his death will cause some major confusion/miscommunication stuff

I think Cas (along w team free empty (i forget who coined that phrase but shout out if they see this) are gonna undermine Chuck

I think Dean is gonna finally tell Cas how he feels, or at least admit it to Sam

I think that Dean is going to explain what happened and his logic around everything but that things still wont be perfect, y’know? Like itll be a step, but i think the burn will continue to be slow and developing throughout the next many episodes. I think it’ll be this air of...okay something is going to happen...but when? And how?

So yeah idk, i have more probably but my thumbs hurt now lol

Thanks for asking !!!

[jonsameta]

Hi, me again!

jesuiscommejesuis: Haha, I’m on that GoT grind and probably won’t stop until the premiere 😂. I trust your opinion so unfortunately you have to endure another ask from me. Anyway…I think that most of us have considered the possibility of Jonsa not being canon. (RIP me if that happens). But my question isn’t about whether Jonsa will be or won’t be (I’ve come to terms with the fact that GoT will end how GRRM always intended it to end) it’s about what that possibility means for all of the evidence, clues, foreshadowing, etc that we’ve gathered. In your opinion will Jonsa not happening render those clues and meta meaningless and we were all crazy after all? Or do they take on a new meaning and point us in a new direction? Idk if that even makes sense. Maybe I’m just afraid that Jonsa wont happen and I’m afraid for no other reason other than that I will have looked and sounded insane to all of my GoT friends and had nothing to show for it. Also do you know of any interviews or blog posts from GRRM possibly supporting Jonsa? Same for D&D? Or any other people on or working with the show? Thank you so much!! 💙

—-

Hi there, 

The thing about theories is they’re like Shrodinger’s cat. If you try to be objective, you have to entertain the possibility that it won’t happen, but it can’t completely be false until proven otherwise. That said, some theories are more probable than others because there’s material within the text that thematically undoes something. This is because a story’s themes (which differs depending on the adaptation but it can’t be completely divorced from the original source either) define its boundaries because they essentially make up “the heart of the story”, not the plot. They give the main characters a moral dilemma that drives their journeys. Considering the themes of the story - both bookwise and showwise - Jonsa is very probable because it answers a lot of long standing character arcs that go beyond these characters and provides a bookend that Jon/Dany cannot considering R+L=J. 

I think anything in this story has to be considered according to the politics - even the fantasy part because the personal is political. With such a spread out story only the themes and the morality dilemmas of politics that the smallest moment can have is what holds it all together. And I think the strongest argument for the probability of Jonsa comes from a structural level of gauging the politics. 

Jon’s parentage is a political game changer and the way it’s been built up it cannot just be for personal angst - especially when the element of his parentage revealing him to have a higher claim than Dany is brought up. It doesn’t just affect him or his relationship with Dany. It affects Westeros and Dany’s own longstanding goal.

Jon may not want to be king, but Dany is walking in as a very unpopular figure into the North and the way she has gone about her campaign hasn’t improved her reputation and only worsened it. And Jon himself will lose popularity after having 1) bent the knee to a Targaryen, 2) consorting with a Targaryen and 3) being a secret Targaryen. 

Dany doesn’t realise that although Jon claims to have pledged his allegiance to her, it doesn’t mean the North has fallen into her hands. He’s only lost their faith from this move so no Targaryen by themselves could claim the North. Not to mention the Vale and Riverlands are more allied to Sansa than they are to Jon. To regain faith, he’d have to separate himself from Dany and the Targaryen identity a bit and yet he would need a political statement that only a marriage alliance to Stark could give if he were to remain in power. There’s also the pesky issue of how unknowingly Sansa and the Starks have more allies than Dany (or Jon without the Starks) does as everyone comes into Winterfell. So Sansa’s constant label as “key to the North” and the importance of marriage alliances becomes very important here. He can’t become king or even gain the faith of the people (back) without Sansa. So in that case, the whole notion of the Pact of Ice and Fire being fulfilled through Dany and Jon falls apart because Jon will be seen as an outsider. @thelawyerthatwaspromised has even written a post with infographics to make it easier to understand. It’s like R+L=J resets the chessboard. Ironically, what the audience thought Jon/Dany’s union would do politically is far more possible through Jon/Sansa. 

As it makes sense as a political match, the possibility of it happening and impacting the narrative increases a lot more. The original outline also matters here because clearly the pseudo-incest tag didn’t stop the author. However, as the characters haven’t interacted in real time in the books and aren’t close, there’s not much people have asked him about it nor has GRRM has said about it unless you count his vague reply once (”I won’t say more than I’ve already said in the books”). I’d say there’s more to be gauged from what he has to say about other ships that fandom roots for, that isn’t as positive as they make it out to be - whether Jon/rya, San/San, San/rion or Jon/Dany. It’s not obvious because he hardly shuts down possibilities but there’s reading between the lines. It becomes more obvious through a process of elimination. It’s also because Jon/Sansa as a ship tramples over so many ships that fandoms have banked on that people are inclined to dismiss it rather than re-evaluate the pre-existing ships. 

On the show, people have been coy too but there’s more content to gauge as the characters have already reunited and their dynamic has become pretty pivotal to the story. Where D&D shut down Dany and Yara ever happening, in the same panel they evaded a question about Jon and Sansa being developed as a romantic relationship. Aiden Gil/lian commented on how Jon’s parentage opens up possibilities for Jon and Sansa’s relationship romantically at the end of season 6. Sophie was asked about it post season 6 and she said it was possible because it’s GOT and they’re cousins. Also, there’s Liam Cunnin/gham who once liked a Jonsa fanvideo lol and he barely has any likes. Sophie has said it’s possible, even as she joked about how it would be embarrassing to film an intimate scene. Kit has somehow avoided all questioning, but he has some pretty interesting reactions regarding Jon and Sansa’s relationship - either in the words he chooses (”She twists him like no one else”) or how over the top his reaction to Sansa is when he talks about how annoying she is to the point where he’s flushed and red and laughing while saying “I’ve gotten really animated now that Sansa has come into the story”. Bryan Cogman has a lot to say regarding this dynamic too, that he even wrote Jon leaving Ghost behind to watch over Sansa when he left for Dragonstone. 

What helps regarding the show is that it’s not just the actors or the political sense, but the camerawork and visual framing that makes their scenes very confusing because they’re shot as a romantic couple about to happen, as @trinuviel has explored in her series “All is Subtext”.  This notion that it was “framed” or “shot” that way was echoed by multiple reviewers and podcasts through season 6 and even into the beginning of season 7. 

A huge part of this was because it very subtly visually paralleled more positive romantic ships on the show like Ned/Cat, Jaime/Brienne, Robb/Talisa, Sam/Gilly, Missandei/Greyworm and even Jon/Ygritte to some extent. This is over a course of 7 episodes under 5 different directors. One of the most telling scenes for me was when they did two back to back parallels to Ned/Cat and Jaime/Brienne after Jon chokeholds Littlefinger over Sansa and they go on to give a Jaime/Brienne-esque goodbye. The same director Mark Mylod directed both the season 6 Jaime/Brienne and season 7 Jon/Sansa goodbye. Bryan Cogman even confirmed that the Littlefinger chokehold was meant to parallel Ned doing the same over Cat. 

But in my opinion, what weirdly cemented it was how Jon/Dany contrasted Jon/Sansa’s dynamic and framing. There were a lot of structural decisions made that undercut the Jon/Dany “romance” and made Jon/Sansa look more compatible and romantic, which is something I explored in my “Undoing Romance” series. Again, this is looking beyond the actors. The biggest tell for me was that they never got a first kiss so romantic tension was never released but just dissipated over plot exposition. Moreover, how is it that Jon and Sansa have more parallels with romantic ships than Jon/Dany do? Why do Jon/Sansa have more Robb/Talisa framing through season 6 than Jon/Dany through season 7 if that’s what’s happening? Why was there no passionate first kiss like theirs? We just skipped to the sex in between a montage that told us how related they are. 

Why didn’t Jon look back at Dany when Jorah did, while he looked back at Sansa? Why does Jon react more violently to Sansa’s suitors than to Jorah? Why are these characters caught in triangle with interlopers, who pose a political threat but are also interested in one romantically? Why is this dynamic given so much importance where there’s tension but also there’s emotional vulnerability that pours out contrasting Jon/Sansa’s and Sansa and Arya’s season 6 and season 7 battlements scenes respectively. Why did they reveal R+L=J at the end of season 6 - the season in which people questioned what the hell was happening in the Jon/Sansa dynamic and a whole season before Jon met Dany. Both season finales also teased conflict because of political claims that change because of R+L=J. Where his parentage reveal, relieves Jon/Sansa of the direct incest factor because it biologically distances them, it makes Jon and Dany biologically more related - especially because she’s heavily inbred herself. 

So it is a situation of “will they/won’t they?” but even more subtly because the cast and crew always skips past discussing it and with Jon/Dany happening people take it as accidental chemistry. There’s no heavy dismissal from the TPTB though when there could’ve been or laughing at it like Tormund and Brienne, which is totally for laughs and a show ship. What they do keep saying is that this relationship is key to watch and you have to wonder: why is it so important? To me it’s not about the actors chemistry or singular scenes. It’s about the story’s intrinsic narrative structure and the camera framing that makes the visual subtext convey more than the text does. 

The show frames Jon and Sansa’s relationship is odd because we know they weren’t close and Arya was his favorite and yet they take up quite an important part in each other’s arc at this point, where they both want to trust each other completely but don’t and yet their vulnerability comes out most around each other in these last two seasons. They’re being built up more slowly than Jon/Dany and more subtly so while people expect a full blown romance, I expect something more subtle, more quiet and thus emotionally rewarding for these characters individual and collective arcs. If it happens, D&D are building it up as a plot twist/game changer because it’s related to politics. But it’s not to say there can’t be emotional catharsis too because these characters have a lot of issues that they answer pretty well. 

Hope that answers your questions. 

- lostlittlesatellites

[templehill]

What’s gone wrong with Beecham House?

Warning – contains spoilers

Trying to work out why Beecham House, ITV’s BIG drama that was meant to replace Downton Abbey at least in viewer size if not in exact tone, is doing so badly. A TON of publicity was thrown at it with the cast appearing on everything from The One Show to This Morning to BBC Breakfast as well as a features in newspapers and magazines. It’s the brainchild of Gurinda Chadha OBE who directed Bend it Like Beckham and the Viceroy’s House and is of Indian heritage, and the cast contains a mix of British and Indian actors some of whom will be familiar from other period dramas e.g. Tom Bateman (vanity fair), Leo Suter (Victoria) and Lesley Nichol (Downton Abbey)

Despite all this though, the opening episode only had 2.6 million viewers making it ITVs smallest 9pm Sunday drama premiere audience since 2015. Since then figures have dropped further with episode 3 dropping below 2 million. Why has it gone so horribly wrong? Yes its up against Gentleman Jack and you’d assume that the audience for the two shows would be very similar but that doesn’t explain the lack of catch up audience i.e. people watching on ITV hub

The sets are amazing, the costumes fantastic, the storyline has potential but it’s just not working.

I should say btw that Im enjoying it but possibly for the wrong reasons. Anyway my twopenneth on what’s going wrong

1.       John Beecham is very very dull. Sorry but he is. The entire show centres around him and his mysterious past and why he is the father of a mixed heritage baby. We should really care about John and what has happened to him but somehow we don’t. Possibly because the script is dire but also because he comes across as ‘earnest hipster who has been on a gap year trip to India and is now going to Indiasplain everything to everyone even the locals’. It was a mistake to try and sell Tom Bateman as the new Aiden Turner with a topless gardening scene because he just isn’t and bluntly you’ve also got Leo Suter there with HIS chest carved by angels. For some reason John is also striding around in an overcoat in the heat of Dehli and wearing Indiana Jones’ hat which is weird plus he also seems to be a bit dim. His best friend Samuel is so obviously a traitor, in fact we know he is, but dear old John cant see it even though his younger brother Daniel clocks it immediately. Which brings us on too

2.       Daniel Beecham is 100 times the more interesting brother. Daniel, as is telegraphed at us from space in the publicity what with the sprawling around, legs akimbo, grasping a hookah pipe as a penis substitute between his thighs photos, is meant to be the caddish contrast to the saintly John. Abandoned by John who left without a word, he’s fighting for the East India Company the series bad guys (where John was also a soldier). We meet him in a brothel and its obvious we’re meant to disapprove of him and yet..... He calls out his mother for her racism in changing the servants Indian names to English ones, points out the sensibleness of adopting Indian dress and customs while living there, cottons on immediately that Samuel is not to be trusted, has a fun relationship with Violet and offers to learn the sarod to please Chanchal the babies nursemaid who he wants to bang. The one area where he does fall down is with Chanchal who is as hot for him as he is for her but she wants love and marriage and he just sees her as a diversion until he goes back to the army. When he tells her this, she is of course devastated and he is called out by his mother for his behaviour in breaking her heart to which he replies he doesnt know what love is. Daniel is far more rounded and complex than John and we care more about him as a consequence plus lbr he’s hot af too.

3.       None of the Indian characters get a decent storyline. They float in and out of the story, a servant here, an ‘exotic’ princess there, a wholly enlightened next door neighbour but there’s no substance to any of them. Chandrika whose initial entrance we stanned totally as she took charge of baby August and ordered around the English women with an arched eyebrow of disdain has become ‘one of the three women fighting over John’ and just no. Chandrika doesn’t fight for a man people! She takes one if she wants and anyway they’d fight for her because she’s stunning. Chanchal is the only other Indian character with anything like a real storyline and its very predictable though Im still hoping that come the end of the series Daniel will ask her to marry him and she’ll tell him to shove it and go off with Baadal. For a drama that was sold as the British and India characters getting equal space and investment it really isn’t coming across that way at all.

4.       The miscasting of Lesley Nichol as John’s mother. She just isn’t good in the role and unfortunately her link to Downton was what ‘sold’ it to a lot pf people ‘oooh look Mrs Patmore goes upstairs’. Unfortunately it’s highlighting that in period dramas at least, she cant pull off middle class which is a shame.

5.       But the thing that is destroying it more than anything is the script. Oh dear lord its baaaaaaad. No cliché is left unsaid, no trope unused as the actors grapple with stilted dialogue and conversations breaking off where literally no one, NO ONE, would stop talking. Its not that they are talking in the language of the time, it’s a period drama you expect that, its just beyond clunky. The first two episodes were full of characters basically explaining the historical and political situation laughably shoehorned into conversation. A brief precis of text at the beginning of episode is all it would have taken “its 1795, The East India Company and the French are fighting each other and the rulers of India for its wealth. The East India Company are taking more and more territory while the French with turmoil raging in France are cut off from their chain of command and operating increasingly to their own rules. The Indian Princes do not trust the French or the British or each other” 

I could go on a lot more but I wont. I just think its a real shame when there is, buried away in the terrible writing, a good idea but it feels like its been fed through a mangle and just come out all wrong....I cant see it being renewed for a second season at this rate