#which was really sad bc it Was so good
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the fixations that stay with me after they've stopped taking over my brain for a month vs the fixations that just. poof
#thinking about arcane and how it was a poofer#which was really sad bc it Was so good#im just bad when. media ends. i need more#thats why ive been into ls for so long lmao#im sure ill be excited for whenever the next series comes out tho#rambles
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Thinking about marriage/women's rights on Vulcan Some may think that T'Pring not being allowed to divorce Spock was because he was going through the pon farr but if she were allowed to divorce him at all she probably would have done that a long time ago, confirmed by T'Pol when she's speaking with Koss, who isn't suffering from the pon farr. She says that he can choose another mate (without invoking a fight it seems: note the difference between a 'mate' and a 'challenger') and after he makes it clear that nothing she says will change his mind about marrying her, she finally threatens to declare a kal-if-fee. It's clear that Vulcan women cannot divorce/refuse to marry a man they've been betrothed to under any circumstances if A) He himself doesn't consent to ending their marriage or B) She doesn't have someone else waiting in the wings to be given to in his stead. Though, if the challenger she selects fails to win the fight, she'll have to marry her betrothed anyway unless (again) he decides he doesn't want her after the challenge. That seems like an incredibly unfair system, heavily biased towards men. SNW is an alternate universe in many obvious respects but most egregiously in that T'Pring has a lot of non-canonical agency over her relationship with Spock. It's interesting to me that Vulcan society has women in many positions of power and treats women as equal to men from what I've seen despite these laws. We don't really see Vulcans exhibiting a misogynistic attitude towards women in general but in TOS (perhaps because of its general writing style but it's still interesting to note) both Sarek and Spock take on patriarchal attitudes specifically regarding wives. Amanda says that 'of course' Sarek commands her because "he is a Vulcan and I am his wife." It's worthwhile in my eyes to note that she specifies 'wife' instead of attributing this attitude to women as a whole. Again, with TOS' writing style it wouldn't be out of place for her to say "he is a man and I am a woman." Spock, while in a pon farr induced irritation, states that it's "undignified for a woman to play servant to a man that isn't hers" - again implying that there's something specific about being a Wife in Vulcan society which is different from being a woman in general and demands subservience to a husband. This could perhaps stem from the extreme sense of ownership that Vulcan law has permitted men to have over women. A woman legally cannot point blank refuse marriage. There is no option which guarantees she won't have to marry her betrothed other than death. When T'Pau speaks of T'Pring she refers to her as being 'property' and Stonn, before being interrupted, states he's made 'the ancient claim' - we don't know what this is because he gets cut off but it's obvious they're both using the language of Vulcan law. Men are permitted true freedom to choose. If a woman wants to choose someone else to be with there is no option available to her other than the kal-if-fee which might result in the death of the one she wants to be with. And, if her lover fails, her husband can still just decide he wants to marry her and she'll be forced to. T'Pring gives two scenarios: One where Spock 'frees' her and one where he doesn't - it's still ultimately his decision which is clear when he ends the conversation with "Stonn, she is yours." This again isn't just because of the pon farr as T'Pol also goes through this. Koss can choose another mate and when the option is talked about there's no implication that this would result in any sort of fight (both by the casualness of its mention and by the fact that there's no formal word for it unlike the kal-if-fee.) Also, the fact that Koss does eventually grant T'Pol a divorce and it's all fine means that T'Pol isn't lawfully required to have another man waiting if her HUSBAND doesn't want her. It's ONLY required if SHE doesn't want her husband. Tradition must take precedence over individual desire UNLESS!!! You're a man. Then it's fine. Like, your parents might not be happy but legally you're golden.
#as a note do NOT read the comments on any T'Pol marriage clips on youtube they're full of 'haha women amiright' jokes about#how she's leading Trip on and being a bitch for not choosing him etc - if you become interested in female characters you learn#quickly just how much people still hate women displaying any amount of complexity/doing anything that isn't just falling into a man's arms#even if that hatred doesn't take the form of outright vitriol (aka: 'I feel so sad for Trip bc T'Pol's marrying some other guy')#Trip: T'Pol listen this arranged marriage stuff is no good - you've gotta be free! You have to do what YOU want to do!#T'Pol: -legally seen as property of her husband in the eyes of the law- ...............#<- not dunking on Trip it's just funny how easy it makes it seem - but!! He doesn't know all the facts#as evidenced by him saying T'Pol might 'call off the wedding' to her mother - T'Pol can't legally call off shit#It's also interesting how gender isn't really mentioned in any of the clips I've seen - it's very clear to me that T'Pol has no options#specifically because she's a WOMAN within her culture but that's almost like a quiet undercurrent and not focused on as a main#point of dissatisfaction - which I imagine it 1000% would be for Vulcan women when men have infinitely more freedom#Vulcan Man: I don't wanna marry this lady#Vulcan Law: Ok#Vulcan Woman: I don't wanna marry this guy#Vulcan Law: Noted. So - if you and your lover are willing to risk his life there's a chance (if he wins) that you can get out of marrying#him BUT if your husband kills your lover and still wants to marry you you DOOO have to marry him sorry you just gotta#<- this also makes it incredibly dangerous to in any way warn your legal husband that a kal-if-fee might be incoming#the element of surprise is a HUGE advantage when it comes to winning a fight to the death (which your lover can train for)#Vulcans#T'Pol#T'Pring#star trek#I don't think this is bad necessarily (as a fictional worldbuilding thing) but I wish it were explored more#It's especially interesting because it's an aspect of logical Vulcan society - it's clearly not logical but it's also clearly rooted deeply#in tradition which may mean Vulcan long ago used to have a much more extreme gender bias towards the male population#it just implies a lot that Vulcan has these old laws which are unfair towards women yet they still follow BUT women are treated as equal#citizens OUTSIDE of marriage! Maybe there was a feminist movement before? Is there another brewing? Where are the Vulcan feminists!
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man, you know, nobody asked me, but I have such conflicting opinions on some of the fat falin art, where on one hand: it's always nice to see A Fat Body in fanart anywhere + it's being done in positive ways, for funsies and on the other hand, there is something so familiar about how you are automatically The Fat One if you are a woman simply standing next to a more petite woman, bc I've had a 0% hitrate in seeing people change Marcille's body type and keep Falin's, or change both of them. it's just Falin
#it gives me a negative feeling that I seldom/never get from seeing fat art which is rare#like she's not fat out of thin air For Fun And No Other Reason and she's not fat bc of context#(out of thin air being like just picking a character you like and changing their design just cuz. Kabru maybe.)#(and Because Of Context being the way ppl draw fat Usagi from sailor moon. which i have been meaning to do btw)#but rather she's fat just bc to be Not the thinnest woman in the room is to be fat. like it happens specifically by scale#because marcille is so much physically smaller and petite and falin is bigger in the ways that a Human Woman is bigger#than an elf woman#and it's funny bc it's something i see all the time already#people also really don't seem to have an interest in making marcille butch in fanart in a way#that is sort of sad for me bc it's like ah well she's the thin small one so of course she gets to be feminine#if you're physically bigger then of course you get to be masc of course of course of course...#i also love good butch art esp fat butch stuff but this is about the phenomenon where if you're with#a thinner shorter woman then that means you're the butch now which is a place I have been to#and I did not like it there#I think part of why That sticks it to me is bc marcille has such a Butch Girlfriend personality and falin acts so demure LMAO#but she's slightly bigger so the writing is on the wall#sergle.txt#Godspeed to you if you choose to read these thoughts in bad faith bc I can't give you more clarifying statements if I try#like I said. conflicting feelings#i don't know if anyone else has similar thoughts it May Just Be Me#I don't think ppl think about this stuff when they make their fan redesigns but it gives me a certain feeling
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YAY I GOT THIS DONE ON HIS BIRTHDAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAJIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU RUINED MY LIFE AND ALSO MAYBE SAVED MY LIFE. WHO THE FUCK KNOWS I DO LIKE YOU A LOT THOUGH
#hajime means so much to meeeeeee#hes the reason i started posting art online (not on tumblr at the time though)#so without him i wouldnt have made like. 80% of my friends#and i do not know where i would be without some of my friends ive met bc of that#like ive had some NASTY depressive episodes since then that im pretty sure i only made through because of them#hiii phantom specifically. looking at you. ilysm if you read this#anyways not to get so real on danganronpa art sdfvgfrde#sdr2 is one of my favorite games of all time like genuinely. it has a lot of sentimental value to me i guess#i was a big fan of the first game but i watched the anime (and several playthroughs) but sdr2 was the first dr game i acually played myself#i actually also watched the dr3 anime before i played sdr2?#and uh. so i went in completely spoiled for it#that being said i still absolutely adored hajime. maybe im basic but i always love protagonist characters#also johnny yong bosch's performance is so fucking good;;;; i cried at the end of the game and it wasnt even particularly sad#anyways. danganronpa was my first hyperfixation that i can remember and it was so meaningful to me. i dont know where id be without it#even if im not as interested in it now it still is really important#would i recommend it? i mean it depends. i think danganronpa is for a very specific kind of person which is the person i happen to be#ok no more tag rambling time to do normal art tags#doodles#danganronpa#hajime hinata#izuru kamukura
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Yk I don't think ai art will ever really substitute real art. Like I don't think a future like that is possible, and if I'm wrong, we'd be living in the saddest, most depressing version of reality.
The thing about ai is that it will never be able to tell you a story in the way that an artist who actually drew the image will. Even my old drawings I did at age 13 with the wonky poses and huge anime eyes could tell you more of a story than ai ever could, even if it was just a very human story about a kid who liked soulcalibur iv and wanted to draw her ocs. If I'd only been messing with ai back then instead of picking up a pencil, imagine how sad it would be to look back and realize the art said absolutely nothing about me or my personality or intentions or where I was at in my life and with my skills.
It might look pretty. Maybe. But that's it. The result is shallow. You can't read into it, you can't think about the person behind it, because it says nothing about them. It's honestly the saddest thing. I hate to think about a future where people only want to produce ai art because it just sounds so empty. You can see none of yourself and your tastes and your history in an ai produced image. I think that's what people mean when they say ai art is souless and has no human behind it, because even if a human used the ai tool to generate it, there's none of themselves in it.
Real art feels more like an inescapable mirror. An amalgamation of the things you love poured into every line and brushstroke. A frankenstein of everything in the visual world that has ever inspired or fascinated you, built up over a lifetime of learning and repetition. And the more you learn and the better you get the more it grows and the more of yourself you can see in it, the more it looks back and screams at you the story of who you are. If your art doesn't feel like a living thing your hands have birthed then what's even the point?
#I still have a lot of my old sketchbooks(I was just looking through them ajkdshksd)#where I scribbled over the years. when I was 13. 14. 15 16 17#it's such a unique feeling to look back over your old highschool sketches and just. understand#yk?#real art creates a beautiful and unique connection with yourself#there's a relationship behind it#but if a machine produces most of the work for you.......#there's just so much you miss out on#I think the most valuable thing abt art isn't even how good it looks to others or even to you#but the relationship you form with it#and I just think humans need that#there's a reason why something like 'art therapy' exists#even when creating art is frustrating or when it doesn't turn out how you imagined it#the process of creating it forms a relationship and understanding of the world and of yourself#that you wouldn't get if you took the easy path of typing a prompt and hitting a button a couple of times#sleep.txt#anti ai#anti ai art#and that's not even to mention how much we miss out on when analyzing art#bc analyzing art made by a human can give you so much understanding about a person and the world around them#while analyzing ai will only give you more understanding of the machine. the program that produced it. not of the person#which is also really sad and cold
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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arcane characters dnd classes
because im bored and hyperfixating
Vi: Monk. Pit Fighter Vi is Way of the Drunken Master. Drunken Master monks fight hand-to-hand 'mimicking the style of a drunkard'. Technically you don't have to be drunk to be a Drunken Master monk so maybe she still uses those techniques while sobered up later. I think she starts out as a Way of the Open Hand monk, which is just a monk that is Very Good at Punching. The gauntlets are a magical item.
Jinx: Artillerist Artificer. Very straightforward. Makes bombs and cannons. Can use magic (referring to her use of hextech as bombs)
Ekko: Scout Rogue/Chronurgy Wizard multiclass. Scout rogues are very mobile so I think it fits him. Later on he takes two levels in Chronurgy Wizard, which gives him chronal shift. This lets him rewind time briefly to change the outcome of an action - fits pretty well, I think. He only needs two levels wizard to mimic his rewind ability and that multiclass makes him fast.
Viktor*: Transmutation Wizard. In the DnD world, both Viktor and Jayce (and Ekko!) would be wizards because they can just study magic instead of trying to harness it via technology. At level 14 the Transmutation Wizard can use their 'Transmuter's Stone' to create a panacea - a cure to all ills (plus restore youth and raise the dead. sounds familiar). Luckily, I think Transmutation Wizard fits Arcane-Viktor as well (especially once he creates the hexcore, which could be his Transmuter's Stone).
Commune Viktor is an NPC with a three-phase boss fight. The first phase is so simple you know there are other phases. I'd probably add in a mechanic where you try to talk him down in the third phase.
(Alternatively commune Viktor as we know him does not exist because the spell Revivify exists and Jayce shouldn't have to turn to unlicensed necromancy to get Viktor back**. Speaking of...)
Jayce*: Hexblade Warlock/Paladin (Oath of the Watchers)***. Again, if left to his own devices in a DnD world, Jayce would be a wizard. I'd say Abjuration (tanky wizard with protective shields) because he wants to protect people (and he's tanky), Order of Scribes (if he's focused on learning/harnessing all magic). Divination to pun on the 'Man of Progress' thing or if you interpret his glitches in s2 as visions of another world/seeing the truth of the commune members/arcane spidey-sense, which tbh really works
However, If I wanted to create Arcane-Jayce in DnD, I would make a Hexblade Warlock/Paladin multiclass. Hexblade warlocks get magic from a weapon, so it can be flavoured as Jayce using his hammer to do/cast magic. The hammer blasts can be very easily flavoured as eldritch blasts. Paladin is added narratively after the post-apocalypse world but not needed if you just wanted to mimic abilities. I'd go for Oath of the Watchers because they literally protect the realm from extraplanar threats. I've seen some people go for Devotion. That's fair, but it's a bit too Knight in Shining Armour for me.
Mel: Divine Soul Sorcerer. Also pretty easy - sorcerers come by their magic naturally, divine soul sorcerers get their power from a connection with the divine + has the gold/light/shielding imagery/spells. Hell, she's probably an aasimar? I don't know enough league lore to tell.
However, she only got her powers later. I think before that she was an Eloquence Bard or a Mastermind Rogue. Mastermind Rogues are more insightful. Both are incredibly persuasive - the bard moreso. The bard has magic - could be reflavoured as manipulation or as her sorcerer powers poking out before she knew about it. Later you could even multiclass her with sorcerer - works better with Eloquence Bard, but it's still not the most optimal multiclass (that's Jayce's). It's not bad, though, and if you only make optimal multiclasses in dnd you're going to get bored. I'd honestly go bard, only two levels in divine soul sorcerer for sorcery points, get metamagic adept feat for metamagic, it'll be fine. Divine Soul sorcerers get wings and healing at higher levels but if she's an aasimar she already has those.
Caitlyn: Inquisitive Rogue/Battlemaster Fighter multiclass. If you want to play a gunslinger in DnD the general advice is 'battlemaster with a gun'. She probably has the sharpshooter feat (she should have the sharpshooter feat). Inquisitive rogues are intelligent and focus on investigating, unravelling secrets. Rogue/Fighter multiclasses are very good - you only need three levels in fighter (edit: but maybe go for five for extra attack.) (She should also pick up the observant and martial adept feats if she can.)
Bonuses:
Vander: Vander is a bartender NPC at the tavern all our players meet up at during the first session. He's a retired high-level monk. Way of the Open Hand, of course. Just like he taught Vi.
Mylo and Claggor: I only added this because I re-watched the first episode and Mylo was apparently the only one who could pick locks. So Mylo is a Thief Rogue and Claggor is, idk, a fighter? (funnily enough both the artificer and the monk would be good picks for resident lock-picker. Not as good as rogue, but not bad)
Silco: Honestly, Silco would be an NPC with a commoner statblock, but I give him ridiculous bonuses to insight, perception, intimidation, and deception. That said, he did fight Vander, so maybe also Mastermind Rogue? With expertise in intimidation? (Still goes badly for him, though. Do not 1v1 a monk in dnd).
Singed: NPC combo necromancy wizard/alchemist artificer, focusing on the alchemy. I'd probably stick some Spores Druid/Death domain cleric stuff in just to be fun since NPCs can be whatever you want. Honestly, in the average DnD world he could just pay someone to resurrect his daughter and we'd solve half of our problems right there. He's originally from Piltover, right? He can afford it.
Ambessa Medarda: NPC Battlemaster Fighter and she has Rictus' anti-magic item that all your players hate.
Footnotes
* Jayce and Viktor cast 'spells' with hextech that reverses gravity, creates lightning, teleports - but, in the immortal words of Ms. Aabria Iyengar, "anyone can cast fireball teleport." Those are conjuration/evocation spells but you don't have to be a conjurer or evoker. Sometimes I see people think of enchantment wizards as 'wizards who enchant magic items' so maybe we'd put Jayce and Viktor there, but actually enchantment wizards do mind control. And, like I said, commune Viktor is an NPC with a three-phase boss fight. Transmutation wizards are the only wizards who can resurrect without making undead and they do it using their transmuter's stone. Although I'd argue that Viktor's commune members are undead... but anyone can cast the Animate Dead spell. And he's an NPC at that point so his abilities are whatever the DM wants.
** UNLESS you assume the hexcore is Viktor's transmuter's stone (which is how he casts the spells panacea/raise dead that I mentioned). It got corrupted as Viktor created it and when Jayce uses it to cast Raise Dead it goes wrong. (Despite its name the Raise Dead spell is supposed to be a normal, safe resurrection spell AND it cures all nonmagical diseases.) Anyway, we're getting into fanfiction now
*** My problem with the Jayce hexadin class is that it's optimized for charisma. Jayce is very charismatic, but his main characteristic is his smarts. A somewhat popular homebrew is to make warlocks int casters so you could go with that. In that case I might multiclass him with abjuration wizard for the extra tankiness. It's still not as good as the original hexadin multiclass so as a DM i'd allow it. Or just keep paladin, ability-wise you only need it for smites and his charisma should be high anyway. Probably your DM shouldn't allow all three on an int warlock.
On the other hand hexadin Jayce's high charisma makes him well suited for the 'talking down Viktor' mechanism in his third phase bossfight, which ... tracks.
#arcane#arcane headcanon#jayce talis#viktor arcane#mel medarda#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#ekko arcane#jayvik#(tagging bc of the additional notes)#long post#this got rambly sorry. and i started giving build tips oops#i'm not tagging jinx because she got like 2 lines. sorry ma'am but it was really straightforward for me#anyway. posts where you can tell OP's favourite characters#'this is heimerdinger erasure' you might say. it's on purpose#inquisitive rogue with a gun... caitlyn kiramman is riz gukgak?#me.txt#anyway ranking multiclasses it's#jayce > caitlyn >> mel > ekko#because the hexadin is top tier powergamer nonsense (although it's less optimal here bc he needs 3 lvls hexblade to use the hammer)#(well. if we assume lvl 14 bc Viktor then we'd have 7 warlock/7 pally which is INCREDIBLE. esp w\ watchers aura + 4th level smites)#i love powergaming and i've played both the jayce and the caitlyn multiclass so. lmao.#also we say that the hexadin multiclass is great because it's 'SAD' and s2 jayce *is* very sad so it fits!#mel and ekko i'm not too sure about. it's got some good synergies#like metamagic for mel. Ekko can get all the defensive wizard spells AND he gets advantage + a bonus to initiative which is amazing#no obvious points of friction either. but the wizard multiclass doesn't add anything to the rogue yknow?#it's there bc we're making Ekko not bc we're making a good rogue#kinda same with Jayce's paladin multiclass but we lucked out and got a very good combo#this might be a better post for reddit but i dont like interacting with fandom on reddit. so...#it is a very reddit post though. not transformative. more analysis. meh
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#this one's for choso#my baby boi#his kind of devotion is something you could search the world over for and only find once#its not necessarily a good thing in some cases which i find compelling in a character#but im glad a lot of ppl seem to like him. it would be sad for ppl to sleep on him when he does so much for yuuji#somehow he manages to keep from becoming a Plot Device though so mad respect to Gege for that#i love my baby. i would have done more quotes just about him and his mindset but#you cant have choso without his little brothers#its part of who he is#so.#and it does mention i think (and if canon doesnt im hcing it) that he did love his mother as much as he could without really knowing her#if only bc she gave him his brothers#and i read a fic once abt how she tried to protect them even when she was in such a bad situation herself and how choso never forgot that#and always remembered her because of how she fought to protect him and his brothers#so. yeah.#i love choso#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#choso#i will not do him the dishonor of calling him kamo choso he would have despised that#who would want to carry the name of the man who ruined your life and your family and left you festering in your own juices for 150 years?#and we dont know his mom's name so just choso will have to do. its not as though he's ever been unhappy with it. my good boi.#web weaving
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ah that holiday depression
#just doesn't really matter does it#people who have big nice organized christmasses: good for you#do not show me pictures.#do not tell me what you ate.#i will probably be eating toast for christmas dinner.#i don't live alone i just have divorced parents#and one is going to hawaii and the other didn't invite me over so i'll just.#be here i guess.#wrap presents for other people lmao which i do enjoy doing !#wish i could open something tho. just for fun#sigh... online orders could fulfill this need... unwrap something from ugly road-dirty plastic... i guess...#fuckin scrooge up in this bitch#ok also i started drawing a bit and it's UGLY and that made me UPSET#hurgle says things#i also haven't really slept in a few days bc i've been at work asjhbsgbsbgbs selling things to christmas people.#but that's definitely a factor#like this is 100% just that nighttime disease#but i feel sad about it !
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okay bc like. seeing the pics of uhhh yk macklin in the hotel room and then people saying "get someone else to connor bedard right now" actually did make me very like. Agh about him. like. the fucking narratives man. he has wayyyyy too much on his shoulders. and now the direct parallels of him and mack with like 1st round pick who is still Happy even on a bad team + 1st round pick who is very visibly going through it and has no one to support him. and is getting blamed for all of his team's failure when no one is doing the same to mack (afaik anyway). like. oof man.
#and i think it partially has to do with the different energy they have#connor has become jaded in less than 2 years and i think he is just generally a less friendly person#which is not a bad thing at all like im not saying hes BAD i just think mack is comparatively more cheerful and cute and whatnot#but connor is also just completely fucking alone and he's way too young for this#for the treatment he's getting and the team he's on#he has no whimsy whatsoever bc he doesn't have like a team that he feels he can still count on#he doesn't have a team that it seems like he even likes very much#and he CERTAINLY doesn't have a close friend with him the way mack does with will#but besides that? connor and mack are the same#they have gotten the same punishment that comes with being so good at such a young age#but like i said. mack is doing okay still it seems. connor is visibly dying.#for the entire league and its fans to see.#like. God. yeah i feel really bad for him man. im becoming attached bc that has to be so frustrating.#and its like. connor might be less friendly or whatever. that does not mean hes not Suffering#thats why im getting attached. bc i always latch onto the guys that might not be that nice but are going through it nonetheless. GODDAMNIT#macklin celebrini#connor bedard#romanization#mine#hockey#nhl#anyway this is also distracting me from being emo about colton#which i am still genuinely sad about like. goddamnit. but anyway
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#the appointment at the psychiatric went well#and he is very easy for me to talk to which is so rare#and he really is a skilled therapist...#i felt a bit lighter after.. the waiting list is still at least a year but cant do anything abt that ..#afterwards i took a detour on my walk home#and stopped by this garden/park in my city#and there were soooooo many birds!!!!!!!#it made me so so happy to just spend some time with the birds#i stood and silently observed them for a while so as they walked around on the ground to find food#they walked right by me and around me#and looked up at me waiting to be given food T-T#i love birds they are so sweet and cute and cool#it makes me so sad how ppl treat them :(((#w my social anxiety and avpd it is hard for me to even feel allowed to exist as i want lol#but after talking w the therapist that actually allows me to exist i felt a tiny bit better#so i didnt care if ppl thought i was weird for standing and looking at the birds so long or giggling bc they were cute#like i get that it sounds weird and lame to do that. like ppl think it's weird that animals make u happy ...#but idk .. birds are better than people 😹 i think it's sad that humans care so little for animals#i also am not good at taking photos around ppl bc i get so anxious and paranoid lok#lol*** so the fact that i could even bring my phone out to take a few poorly taken pics is one step forward 😹#they were so cute tho and there were so many and it was a small moment of joy and i wanted to rmbr it 💗#diary
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aroallo rep in my trans horror book ? more likely than you think <33
#camera talks#reading compound fracture (andrew white) and its very good so far#i haven't been able to do much today in terms of i have to respond to someone (important) but i dont want to respond weirdly or badly#so i havent yet </3#so i've Mostly just been playing games and reading which isnt bad but also like aughg i Have to do this project man#anyways..#miles is aroallo like. im pretty sure confirmed and this made me very happy <3#this author also wrote the spirit bares its teeth which is a fav book for me so#(also hell followed with us which is Good. but by far not my fav </3)#anyways. im just gonna keep ignoring the fact im not doing what im supposed to bc if i think about real stuff rn im going to get really sad#so
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I've been looking for enamel pins, are there any artists you'd recommend?
GASP YEAH
Admittedly, I haven't bought any enamel pins in a hot second BUT STILL! I HAVE ARTISTS SAVED!!!!
every time artoftangmo has released the angel sets, I've backed the whole thing lol (reasons why I haven't bought pins in a while,) they're SO GOOD and right up my aesthetic. The mertal choices. The simple details. The wings. ten out of TANGMO!
Alum & Ink has. So many choices. Of all sorts of different techniques. I have the star chart pin and IT SPINS!!!!! IT'S A WORKING STAR CHART!!!! ON A PIN!!!!!! They have great examples of clear enamel usage, great soft enamel designs (so many pin sellers use a soft enamel pin as a cheaper way to make their designs that SHOULD be hard enamel and it just. Doesn't work.) that I actually like to look at lol Dangly charms pins?? Playing with different metals and line widths. So amazing. How do they do it all. Looking at their shop, they've added a lot of new designs too.....
Shattered Earth is who I first think of when I think of clear enamel because of their stained glass pins! I have the terrarium D20 pin and it's so pretty!!!! My fave pin from them is Bell Goose, from Untitled Goose Game. It's put away right now but IT DINGS! Fantastic design.
thisishannako doesn't look like they're very active online anymore and their shop is closed :( but I can't NOT mention the artist that got me obsessed with pins. I belonged to their pin club on patreon until they shut down the teir (understandably; they got a great job and couldn't keep up with monthly pin design and production I'm so happy for them!!!!) THE WHALES! THE CLOWN! THE GLOW IN THE DARK CLEAR GHOST FRAME! MOTHMANS! My fave designer of soft enamel pins. Hannako GETS IT! I should dig out the kitsune mask pins, matte black and white metal (depending on which you bought) with the soft enamel making up the details???? chefs kiss
MidnightZone did one of my FAVORITE pin kickstarters, Take This, Travelers, a set of d&d weapons in pin form. I got the bow, the violin, and the rapier. The soft enamel and thick copper metal is PEAK design.
Coey and Shy have great.....I wouldn't call them creepy but they advertise a few of their designs as "occult", They pop up at cons in my area, and I always have to check them out. I thought they were one of the artists that did the pride collar pins but they're not on the shop? Luckily Jackal & Hare also does them, mine are put away so I'm not sure which artist I have lol
Did you know you can make pins out of WOOD?? mittiepaul has a wooden worm on a string pin. just saying. they're one of the many artists I miss from twitter lololol lots of cryptids.
and of course, mayticks, for all your bot and locked tomb pin needs. I really love the murderbot pin, I love how the metal matches the enamel just enough that you have to catch the light to see all of it. Bot would love that. Do not perceive it.
#ezra gets a letter#Anonymous#SORRY I WILL STOP THERE I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON#@ artists who put your name on the back of your pins#i love you so so so much#so many of my pins are from kickstarters so i dont know the artist off hand :(#also theres ray starshine who doesnt do enamel pins at all anymore i dont think they're even still selling any sotck they had left#which is a shame bc their desigs were SO CUTE!!!!#but i get it enamel pin making is expensive and not profitable foor everyone#but the little alien pin board fillers 🥺🥺🥺🥺#oh and. ugh what was his name#i followed him on twitter and i know he changed his name to something thats NOT whats on the back of my pins#nathen graey??? i think that was is#i forget what he called his pinset but theyre SO pretty#i have a couple of them i love the colors i love the metals love the soft gradients#SOME PEOPLE ARE REALLY GOOD AT DESIGNING PINS OKAY!!!!!!!#i have so many gripes with the gmm pins lol#yall can do better#the mcelroy pins though.........they have had some VERY good designs#forever sad i missed out on phantom sea coast co pin
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ok question! related to this post by @gwynbleiddyn that I see resonated with the folks here on lotro tumblr:
the devs have given you permission to add 1 (one) quest of your design into the game, specifically doing something fun/low-stakes with one or more Rangers post-war. What are you doing and with which Ranger(s)?
I'll go first: (under the cut bc it got longer than intended)
Corunir has been enlisted to help do repairs in the lower circles of Minas Tirith. And by "enlisted" I mean "Corunir Does Not Know How to Take A Break and needs to be constantly helping people, so he showed up wouldn't leave until the foreman gave him something to do"
Now, as this quest would have to be located in Minas Tirith Midsummer, the foreman is not particularly comfortable saddling this war-hero with busywork when he should be celebrating the end of the war he helped bring about! nevermind that that's what literally every other quest in midsummer is making the PC do shh don't worry about it
ANYWAY, he's got a plan, but he needs your help with it. Around dusk, he wants you to tell Corunir that there's some repairs that need done on the top of the wall at east side of the 2rd circle, which coincidentally just so happens to be where the best view of the fireworks they're setting off at the gates is. Also be sure to bring along this plate of snacks and some comfy pillows to sit on.
so when Corunir gets up there he's like "that's weird, I don't see any damage up here-" and then he sees the fireworks starting to go off, that you brought snacks, and puts two and two together and is like "oh darn, it looks like I've been tricked into watching a fireworks show, you devious trickster you (affectionate)"
so you guys get to hang out and watch the fireworks for a bit, and afterwards Corunir laughs at the fact that you literally had to trick him into relaxing and having a good time. Perhaps you have a point, he should allow himself some time to actually enjoy the peace they fought so hard for. He recalls Radanir had proposed the Rangers should do a pub-crawl later, and now thinks he should take him up on the offer. (and, of course, the PC should be allowed to join in, but alas I'm only allowed to add One quest as per my own rules lol)
#I also had another idea but it's probably *too* silly lol#a quest where the PC and Corunir go watch a play in the Blue Theater! It's the events of the Pelenor but taken from 2nd and 3rd hand accoun#so the whole thing is comically inaccurate a-la 'ember island players'. Gothmog is played by a guy in an orc mask#because someone got their stories *severely* mixed up (and as a little nod to how Gothmog was an orc in the movies)#which Corunir finds absolutely hilarious bc you just know Gothmog would've been SO MAD if he knew#Corunir says he feels like he should be frustrated by the inaccuracies‚ but really‚ he just needed a good laugh after everything#He says Golodir probably would have found it funny too#and then gets sad after he says it#then you guys meet up with Radanir and he decides you're going to go do something else to try and cheer Corunir up#probably involving the PC getting blackout drunk and doing something ridiculous#but it's too silly to do an AtLA reference and then hit you with Feels. I'm not sure the tonal whiplash is what we're going for here lmao#lotro#reblog games#corunir
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I realized that sometimes I feel ashamed to tell people that I'm Miquella's and the Haligtree fan (primarily Malenia, I was always solely into women, but eventually loved Miquella and the whole Haligtree idea). And that I dislike his DLC lore (consort retcon thing) for this reason (truly, I'd prefer it to stay vague as it was, to give a better ground for headcanons& interpretation - that's what I liked abt the whole game in the first place).
Sometimes I meet people on other social media, in chats, even IRL, we start a casual talk. Turns out they know and like Elden Ring too, they're into fandom stuff, too, they tell me abt themselves & their blorbos, I want to speak abt mine, and...
And maybe, that's silly. Truly, who cares? It's just a game, there's no one right way to play it for everyone (some don't even give a damn abt the story). I know many good people who love Miquella, too; who are not happy with the DLC plot either. They write good fix or pre-DLC fics, make arts. So I'm not alone in this, it's OK.
But maybe, it's some fandom and personal drama that got on me too hard for some reason.
In the end, as if I were an 'untrue' fan. Too dumb for this, probably should go back to Skyrim. Which is sad. It still bothers me, so how do I overcome it & concentrate on good things... IDK
#I had a quarrel with a person whom I considered a good pal#as I know we were both unhappy abt it#She said something like 'you are attached to a small group of good characters#while I played all the Souls games & studied the lore deeply so I know how it works'#If it's really true then maybe I'm really too dumb...#which is sad#ER fandom made me really happy bc it was unlike anything else I knew before#and just what I needed in my life#I felt like an impostor in the fandom right from the start#alma.txt#also I know some Messmer fans and...#Truly I envy them at some point#Though I know they may have their own dramas and problems#But at least their boy did't get retconned and wasn't made dirty
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scrolled a little too far back on mogetwt and found pure gold:

#i miss mitsumona… i love asumona y e s but mitsumona~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#‘where were you when this part of idol sengen was being serialised?’ trapped outside due to regionlock s o b s#man… looking at idol sengen on piccoma again like. gosh. 7.9 million hearts/likes so trueeeee#which do you think we’ll get first: mitsuki mv (a la gijirenai) or idol sengen s2?#the crumbs we get of her in mona mvs isnt enoughhhhhhhh aaaaa#even a 1 image mv would do!!! just give us a tiny bit more of her plsssss#i wanna know what made mona such a huge fan of hers~~~~~~~#though. the way mona specifies that she only likes girl idols will forever be funny to me#she really can’t care less about lxl huh… so true of her tbh#girl idols are a m a z i n g (<-weakling who tears up while watching love live live recordings)#like. man. props to the casting directors or sth bc. m a n their stage presence is unreal for idol vas#like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if you told me the vas were idols themselves id believe you#rkk was so cute. and aik.yan was super cool (esp during her solo) a n d ain.ya was both cute and cool and!!!!!!!!!#but um!!!! i digress!!!! anyways stan girl idols (esp mona) lxl w h o—#i think i’ll forever be envious of those who’ll be able to watch nan.su’s mona oneman live though… no foreigners allowed (how sad)…#though y’all should def check out some of nan.su’s other songs!! her powerful songs are so cool (imo)…#but i think she’s actually really good at singing songs with cheering/chanting portions lmfaooo the monachan lives on#i think hw should give mona more cool-ish songs though… let nan.su show off her range!!!#though. while im on the topic. i think sena should have cool songs too. narumi sisters cool song p l s s s s s#(bc my hot take over here is that hw doesn’t let their vas show off their full range *c o u g h s* i m e a n—)#what am i even on anymore h e l p started on mitsumona ended up in narumi sisters cool song desires…#anyways!!!! stream silent sword (both the og by ama.miya sora and the cover by nan.su) that’s all goodbye
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