#which surprise surprise is also stereotyped as being gross by racists

[akimarshmallow]

hey isn't it funny that vegan friendly food has a stereotype for being gross while a lot of vegan substitutes for things are asian cuisine. isn't that weird. surely there isn't a correlation there

[outivv]

Fuck it black person gives their thoughts on Rappa

Even if she's Japanese and is part of the Japanese hip hop scene I still feel uncomfortable. Bringing this character out when we're supposed to return to Penacony is a recipe for disaster.

Penacony is notorious for fucking up race related plots or making them uncomfortably realistic with their history. The Aventurine lore the Boothill lore the Halovian lore its all just....a lot.

And that doesn't touch on the fact that Penacony is Jazz Age which would've been my people's time to shine and instead it's a conglomerate of every other race ever and then we get this Japanese wannabe rapper as what our last character to round out the cast? Not to mention her design being godawful. It's not streetwear which I think was what they wanted but those fuckass shorts they give every woman ruins it legitimately. Pants would make her so much more street.

Anyways I just have zero faith in her writing tbh. I feel like she's gonna be full of racial stereotypes and I'm just tired. Hell I won't be surprised if she has a blaccent atp despite looking like someone from Punklorde like Silver Wolf......

Ohhhh yeah- when I talked about rappa I also talked about how notorious penacony is for just stealing cultures and stories, because you’re right!! They make them uncomfortably accurate to real!! Life!! Events!! Like events we read in our history books, and then they don’t give any representation, and it’s disgusting. It’s disgusting, it’s disrespectful, it’s fucking gross. Don’t use real people’s pain, and history, and stories just for a silly little sci-fi fantasy game omfg.

Rappa in penacony is great lore wise, but everything else-wise? Omfg I’m so like… I’m nervous too, because they’re gonna make it weird somehow istg.

Penacony is just honestly disappointing with its character lineup in my opinion, because imagine all the characters we could’ve gotten if hyv actually based the characters off of the jazz age. Like. Penacony is like Los Vegas, Hollywood, fucking Disney land, just all put together, there’s very little jazz age influence in a lot of it I feel,time you can see the influence but it’s so like… fleeting almost. It’s disappointing, because they could’ve done so much more, especially cause music seems like such an important thing in penacony- so then make more jazz-y music!! Girl represent black people who MADE the jazz age happen. But no, they decided to be boring. And racist.

I like rappa’s design… but I’d like it more if she had pants, like y’know what I mean? Like oh yes I love the colors, love the hat, but she needs pants. Like Acheron would look better with pants, feixiao would look better with pants, even if you already I feel can’t see her shorts too much, like most fem characters would look better with pants or just things covering their legs more, not a weird one leg covered the other fully bare like they do A LOT.

If she has a blaccent I will omfg. M. No, because that would actually make me explode. IT’D BE SO BAD GOOD GOD- LIKE ITS ALREADY BAD DONT MAKE IT WORSE

[daughter-of-sapph0]

1) Detroit become human was about how white robots have it just as bad as African American slaves. cyberpunk 2077 alongside its glitches had racist elements such as orientalism, demonizing black men in the main story, and a horrible implantation of black features in the character customization. the Stanley parable had an in game video of a white man lighting a black child on fire. all games in the grand theft auto series showcase racist stereotypes of black criminals. all south park games have multiple racist "jokes" that are just as offensive and stupid as the show. minecraft on consoles had skin packs, one of which featuring the main character Steve wearing an orange prison jumpsuit, and being one of only two skins where Steve is depicted as Black.

Black people have been telling you about games that are racist for years. but you simply refuse to listen or care.

2) BLM is not an organization that all Black people are a part of. BLM stand for Black Lives Matter, and is a movement, not an organization, that is against police brutality. of course you don't understand the difference between a movement and an organization because you think all people you disagree must all be friends and all agree with each other and are secretly plotting to ruin your life. there is that Black Lives Matter Global Organization Fund, which IS an organization. that is a collective of far-left anticapitalists activists who are part of the Black Lives Matter movement. but not everyone who is part of the movement is part of the BLMGOF. when you say "BLM has never done this", who are you referring to? all Black people ever?

3)

4) "sex class" holy fuck kill yourself

5) "wait till tras find out..." firstly, stop with the tra shit. say tranny with your whole chest. because that's what you mean. you want to call us a slur, but you don't want to face the consequences of calling people slurs. so you make up weird words and acronyms, which are just tranny spelt different ways. it's the same energy as calling someone a fag and then saying "what? all I did was call you a bundle of sticks! there's nothing offensive about sticks, is there?". it's middle school level bigotry. and it's pathetic and makes you look insane.

6) you're trying to make the argument that trans people don't know that markus pearson sucks. but minecraft is the most popular game in the world. every already knows that markus pearson is a terrible person. he's a stupid racist sexist antisemitic transphobic cunt and I hope he fucking kills himself. but a) he hasn't had anything to do with the game in years, and b) he isn't actively funding for the death of trans people.

I have my own criticisms of minecraft. mainly the antisemitism with the villagers. because, surprise, they were created by an antisemite. but despite trying to distance themselves from pearson, Microsoft has done absolutely nothing to change this gross part of the game. I have been vocal about this for years, yet people like you don't give a shit.

also, minecraft is incredibly popular with autistic people, and people who are autistic and people who are trans overlap a lot.

also also, Lena Raine, famous for her work on soundtracks for Celeste and Deltarune, also composed some of the best songs ever for minecraft. why is the important? let me direct you to the best and shortest "personal life" section on wikipedia I've ever seen

actual trans people work on minecraft. minecraft and mojang are filled with queer devs who actively support and are part of the queer community.

so when the current dev team of a game has trans people actively working on it, doesn't invite the creator to the 10th anniversary celebration, does literally everything they can to get rid of all mentions or ties to the creator, and have gone on record saying they want nothing to do with pearson and have cut ties with him completely, I think that means that the game is not transphobic like you want it to be. it's not that no one cares because "he's a man". it's that minecraft isnt a franchise that uses its profits to fund genocide.

also, as I was saying before, minecraft isn't perfect. it still has antisemitism, it still has a racist past, and it still has a shitty ex dev. and while they can't change the past, they can change the future by removing the antisemitic tropes that surround the villagers. yet they don't, and I am very vocally upset and have expressed my views on this subject many times.

7) but you know a game with far worse antisemitism? hogwarts legacy. far more antisemitism than any transphobia. this game is literally the blood libel myth of Jews stealing the blood of white children. the goblins, which have large noses and control the banks and have a shofar and kidnap white wizard children and are secretly working with the wizard nazis are quite literally based off the antisemitic lies and conspiracy theories of the new world order, blood libel, greedy Jew, and holocaust denial. even on their own, these tropes would be absolutely disgusting and repulsive to any person with half a brain. but even though this game has more antisemitic lies and myths than a 4chan /pol/ thread, people like you don't care at all. because "it's hairy potty! and I love hairy potty! the creator hates trans people and that's based ... uh... I mean... I have nostalgia for the series! (and I don't give a shit at all about Jews)"

interestingly though, when this was pointed out to you in the replies, you said "no that's not true" and "so what? that's no reason to get mad" and "actually YOU'RE antisemitic for thinking that goblins are supposed to be Jews". and personally I think that anyone who says that last one deserves a bullet though their skull.

8) also, I find it very interesting that you're complaining and crying and pissing their pants when trans people boycott one (1) game, yet they refuse to listen to anyone else, especially Black people or Jews, when they suggest boycotts, and also refuse to boycott any games with extreme sexism and misogyny in them, despite pretending to care about women.

I have never seen a radfem say anything negative about fat princess, the guy game, dead island, overwatch, persona 5, grand theft auto, and hell, even hogwarts legacy.

if you didn't know, this game was developed by people who were part of gamergate. and if you don't know what gamergate was, it was a massive controversy online where women were saying how sexism in online games is bad, and a bunch of men said "no, and you're wrong! my opinion is worth more than your lived experience". and then some of those men went on to make what you think is the best game of all time, that contains extreme amounts of racism and antisemitism, and sales of which are actively funding a genocide against trans people. but I'm assuming that none of those things are negatives to people like you.

tldr: op need to kill themselves

[goatlingsvent]

I'm not a lesbiphobe. I'm only digging up actually common talking points made by lesbians to discredit the toothpaste flag, some of which have been mentioned on this blog. And then debunking them.

"Ugly ass version of MY flag" isn't a valid reason to drop a flag, especially when the flag isn't yours and you have no say in other people claiming it and using it.

I can say the same for the lesbians flags: I hate oranges and any shade of orange as well as pink and most shades of pinks especially reddish fruit punch pinks, by this logic I COULD call most of the stream lesbian flags ugly because I find the colors ugly and awful to work with.

Subjective options ≠ Criticism, and lean into insult, not valid reasons for me not to use a flag.

As I even said, in my rambles the oh but "it uses blue and green for boys!!!1!!!" Also isn't a valid take as the lesbian uses reds and pinks colors which are stereotypically "girly" colors.

Only half decent argument I'm seeing is not being a monolithic voice, and I'm not: but me being a gay trans man tired of cis and trans woman lesbian or not alike speaking over and or discrediting my experiences or opinions is gross. Me speaking out isn't an attempt to attack you or speak over you. You spoke over me first and so I'm correcting you on your "criticism" of MY symbols.

I'm tired of any attempt to point out there is a problem is quickly shut down by being denounced as lesbiphobe, it's like shutting down criticism by calling people racist or homophobic even when they being up good points that have nothing to do with identity or race.

Besides, if you actually knew your history you'd know the lesbian flag is a redesign/lesbian version of a flag that's a lesbian version redesign of a gay man flag (bear). We aren't a stealing anything. No one is stealing anything. Attempting to seek solidarity symbolically when there is only infighting and hate isn't the end of the world.

Additionally if your that twisted about flag "politics" that you have resort to actually just insults then telling me your live in a first world country with our telling me in your a first world country.

Me saying hey, I wish goatlings would actually listen to the people who COULD claim the flag over people who can't isn't lesbianphobic, and saying hey this flag isn't bad let's coexist with out your throwing insults and a transtrum because I refuse to be anything but reasonable shouldn't be such an issue. But your here. I'm not surprised.

🦂

[incorrectzutaraquotes]

let’s talk racial micro aggressions, because i’ve been seeing a lot of them being used online toward people speaking out about racism and even in fandoms unfortunately, so i think it’s time we have a talk. this is gonna be a semi long one, so buckle up.

just for reference, im asian american. because of that i’ve gone my entire life experiencing racism and discrimination simple because im not white. of course, i have definitely had it better than a lot of people, but that doesn’t take away from my experiences at all. i grew up hating the way i looked, trying to fix myself because i genuinely thought something was wrong with me. this led to years and years of insecurity and self hatred. something i had to go through alone, because my family was white and i was too afraid to tell them how i felt. i was afraid they wouldn’t understand. it’s still something i struggle with, though it’s gotten better.

growing up, as stated before, i was around white people. growing up in a very white town, i unfortunately wasn’t formally educated on racism or what micro aggressions were, i just knew that certain comments made me uneasy and uncomfortable, and hurt my feelings. it wasn’t until i was older, when i started using social media that i really came to understand what all of this was. 

a lot of you who have white privilege are using it to uplift bipoc voices, and i think that’s great. however it’s also important to acknowledge that many people who are actively anti racist still have implicit biases, which can lead to microaggressions.

first of all, what are microaggressions? you may or may not be familiar with the term. if you’re not, that’s okay! you can use this post to educate yourself and make sure you don’t make these mistakes in the future. microaggressions are defined as brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioural, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative prejudicial slights and insults toward any group, particularly culturally marginalized groups.

basically, intentional or unintentional derogatory and prejudice behaviors directed towards marginalized groups.

these are very harmful to marginalized groups, mostly because they’re not as blatant as outright racism, misogyny, homophobia, etc. this makes it often hard to detect, and you may have found yourself using micro aggressions at some point in your life. that’s not important though, what’s important is that, if you have used them in the past, you understand what you said or did was wrong, and that you learn from it.

now, what are specific racial micro aggressions? i’ve compiled a list of them under the cut, and explained why these are insulting and harmful to poc.

“where are you really from” – this insinuates that we will always be seen as foreigners, and not citizens to our own country. it brings on a feeling of not being good enough and that we will not be accepted. 

“not everything’s about race” – if you’re white stop telling bipoc how to feel about race. we are tired of it. please don’t speak over us when we are expressing our discomfort. if poc people are telling you something is racist, it’s racist. stop trying to argue with us, as you are not the ones being affected by it. 

“your food is so weird” – it’s only weird to you because it hasn’t been westernized or americanized. insisting that foreign foods are weird or gross because you aren’t used to it, is hurtful. it’s insulting. 

“all asians look the same” – by saying this, you’re taking away our individuality. asia is a huge continent, not all of us follow the same traditions and not all of us look the same. it’s not a funny joke, and it never has been. 

“you’re pretty for a *insert any race here*” – this is just such a backhanded compliment. it implies that we are not typically or conventionally pretty. it has the same negative connotations as saying “you’re really good...for a girl”. that’s misogynistic for the same reasons saying this is racist. 

“i don’t see color” – again, you’re basically erasing our individuality and culture and telling us we shouldn’t embrace it. many pocs even completely distance themselves from their cultures to seek white validation, which is in every sense of the word, upsetting. people want to fit in so bad that they’re willing to leave behind their entire culture. something that sucks about being adopted at such a young age from a white family, is that i have never had a connection with my culture. i know nothing about it, and that hurts. i rationalized in my head that the reason i didn’t learn about it sooner was because i was happy, but that was a lie i told myself for years. the sad thing is, is that because i wasn’t connected to my culture at all, i fit in better and had an easier time making friends then other pocs in my school. 

assuming all asian people are smart or good at math – stop. it’s not funny. never has been. the stereotype that all asians are smart is not a compliment, and puts a lot of pressure on us as individuals. it objectifies us, assuming we are more like machines and not actual people. long story short, it’s dehumanizing. 

“im not/cant be racist i have black friends” – contrary to popular belief, yes you can be. you can still have a racial bias while being friends with bipoc people. being associated with poc people doesn’t suddenly mean you’re not racist. you may even make racist jokes and think it’s okay because they don’t tell you to stop. just because they are seemingly unbothered does not mean it’s not still racist. a lot of times we are uncomfortable in situations like that, but are too afraid to speak up in fear of our feelings being invalidated or being told to lighten up because it’s just a joke. saying we’re too sensitive when it comes to making mockeries of our races and cultures, is also a micro aggression. 

saying “you people” or “y’all” when talking, usually negatively, about a person of a specific race – you’re generalizing an entire group because of one bad experience which is just contributing to the stereotypes and racism we face daily. one or a few bad interactions with a person of a different race does not speak for an entire population.

clutching your bag tight when a poc person, usually black or latinx, stands next to you or following them in the store – the way i still have to explain this one in 2020. they are not criminals, but by doing this, you’re contributing to the stereotype that they are all criminals and thugs, which simply isn’t true. this stereotype is very damaging and harmful, as it also contributes to the systematic oppression of those people. 

assuming someone only got a certain job or position because they’re bipoc – this insinuates that we did not work hard to get where we are, and that we did not deserve what we got. we simply got it because we aren’t white. affirmative action comes up a lot in this conversation. all affirmative action does is help decide between equally qualified people by favoring the ones who suffer from discrimination in society, but it does not reserve spots for them.

assuming someone knows how to speak mandarin because they’re asian – asia is a large continent with A LOT of languages and cultures. not everyone is chinese. not everyone speaks the same language. it’s insulting and adds to the already hurtful stereotype that all asians look the same.

“you speak english really well” or “how did you learn to speak english so well” – it’s called practicing because people have been making fun of those with accents for years, simply because they are not used to it. being surprised when a poc speaks english well implies that you may think because they’re not white, they are less educated. we’ve simply assimilated because our cultures are constantly rejected and mocked by white people and even other pocs. this also contributes to the notion that westerners are more “civilized” or that they are better, because they(generally speaking this obviously doesn’t apply to everyone)make no effort to learn our cultures, but we have to learn theirs in order to be seen as “acceptable”.

“but *insert race* are racist too” or pointing out immoral things other countries do when people of that race speak up about racism - you’re redirecting the conversation to avoid responsibility. you don’t actually care about those issues, you just want to invalidate our struggles by pointing out that a place many of us have not been to in a long time, or ever, is very flawed. we have no say in what that government chooses to do. not all places are a democracy, and many democracies around the world are flawed.

something important to remember is that anyone can be guilty of implicit bias and micro aggressions. this is not selective to one race. 

if you have anymore of these, please feel free to add on. also, if you’re a poc and something i wrote made you uncomfortable, please tell me. i want to make sure im being truthful with what i said. i did do research for some of these, and some were based on personal experiences, but if you want to add to something or you want me to change or delete something do not hesitate to call me out. 

unfortunately they and other racial stereotypes are very prevalent in american media, which has normalized it in our society. this post is solely meant to educate if you weren’t previously aware of the dangers micro aggressions have on minorities. i started the list because i was tired of seeing so much normalized racism online, but i hope you learned something useful with this. if you stuck around this long, thank you for listening. i appreciate it a lot. 

as for my zutara fans, i apologize for making so many rant posts rather than posting incorrect quotes. i just feel like im able to reach a larger audience with the platform i have on this account than any other one. 

anyway, that’s all. thank you again for listening :) 

[mumblino]

My self discovery journey

Heyo!

This is not what most of my posts are gonna be like, but I felt like it was important to talk about, and pride month is a perfect time to tell my (summarized) self discover journey~

My name is Brandon, although I don’t care if you call me Mumble. My pronouns change a lot since i don’t really know myself that well, but currently, they are He/Him, They/Them and It/Its. There are also days where I don’t really identify with any 3rd person pronouns, I’m just me, and that’s what I mean when I say No Pronouns.

I have Depression, Anxiety and Combination Type- ADHD, which is why i am on the internet a lot.

This is a very long post, so buckle up

//TW: Transphobia, Enbyphobia, Homophobia, Anxiety, Depression, ADHD,  Disordered Eating, Racism (not a huge part, but there are mentions of it), Self Harm, Mentions of a Psych Ward, Medication

I am a trans-masc, afab teenager. I am a romance-neutral aromantic (my interpretation of that is that I don’t mind romance, but I don’t actively want one or seek one out), and a sex-repulsed asexual (I am completely repulsed by the idea of engaging in sexual intercourse with anyone). and I am currently out to my friends, my mother, and my step-father, and am in the beginning-middle of my transition.

 I started questioning my gender identity when I was in early 7th grade, after my friend Saturn (pronouns are They/It/Bun) first came out to me as Non-Binary, and asked me to use They/Them pronouns.

I’ve never really actively considered myself straight. I’ve always seen love as between two people, and while I usually thought of a man and a woman, I have always been open to same sex couples. My best friend in 2nd grade actually introduced me to the LGBTQ+ community (not directly, but she did talk about those types of things quite a bit), and while I don’t want to assume her sexuality, I am fairly certain she experienced attraction to both boys and girls.

Before this, the only thing I really knew about trans people was that they existed, and I didn’t really care that much. However, my brother and my father had the idea that most LGBTQ+ people are “snowflakes” and since I didn’t know anything else, I believed them.

However, I wanted to learn more about Trans people, and how to be respectful and supportive of them. I did, at the time, consider myself to be LGBTQ+. In both 5th and 6th grade I thought I was either a lesbian or bisexual, since I didn’t know the difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction, and well, people are pretty!

I also had this need to be very masculine, and I always have. I’ve always wanted to be a tom-boy, to be the masculine one in the group, be the Buttercup of my friends! And during th grade, as I started to learn more about LGBTQ+ people, I wanted to be the top. I wanted to be the stereotypical lesbian. The one with the androgynous style, chill attitude, and the one that scares the shit out of guys.

I’ve even said to myself (not knowing that being trans was a thing) that I want to be a boy. I’ve always identified more with the guys at my school. Not in a pick me girl way, but in a “I relate to you a lot, and I feel like I fit in with you” way.

 And to some extent, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is because of how often feminine guys are made fun of. I would not be surprised one bit if this is because femininity has always been demonized to me, especially if a guy is being feminine.

Anyways, through this dive into the Alphabet Mafia, I found out about asexuality. It really resonated with me, because I always found sexual things gross, but that also confused me. If I was asexual, why did I want to be masculine so badly? Why wasn’t I like the other girls? I’ve always felt like an outcast around most people, but especially girls. I never related to them. I always related to more masculine people, and boys especially.

After this, I decided to start looking into trans culture, and FTM culture especially. Through this I found Kalvin Garrah. I know now that he is very much a toxic influence on the Trans community, but he taught me a lot about trans culture. I also found Sam Collins and Jammidoger through him, who also taught me a lot (and are much more positive influences.) These FTM youtubers taught me a lot, and I started to realize, that I might be trans.

Because of this, I decided to ask Saturn if they could refer to me by They/Them pronouns. I went with They/Them because I didn’t feel like I passed well enough to use them. My hair was still long, I wasn’t out to my family, I still acted feminine sometimes, etc.

I would also like to make note of the fact that at the time, I was not very accepting of most gender identities outside of the “binary” and didn’t consider it a spectrum. I had a very close minded and rigid view of gender, and this is mostly due to family influences. This view is why I didn’t want to use He/Him pronouns, because I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I have since grown out of that viewpoint, reflected, and tried to do better when trying to understand other people’s identities.

This stress of my identity crisis, untreated mental conditions, toxic friends, and general struggle with school caused me to develop disordered eating habits. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, however I’ve struggled with disordered eating for a long time. During 7th grade, I started to struggle with binge eating. The moment I would get home, I would immediately start a binge. It was uncontrollable, I felt horrible, and eventually, my mom had started to notice that I was eating an unhealthy amount.

A few months after this, I started to see a therapist, and at the end of my first session with her, I came out to my mom. I could not be more thankful for how supportive of me she is. She has only shown love, and care for me, and the only time she’d no to a step in my transition, is out of a genuine concern for my physical and mental health. She is also religious, but she loves me for the way that I am, and has a very loving and positive viewpoint when it comes to that.

I didn’t do much for my transition at the time (other than switching my pronouns to He/They at some point) and focused more on school, depression, and my romantic orientation.

This was a part that really confused me. I’ve never had a crush (except for one that came from peer-pressure) and I’ve never had an interest in romance. (Keep in mind I had no idea what ‘Aromantic’ was) So what was I? For the time being I decided to consider myself either bi-romantic or hetero-romantic, because like I said, people are pretty, and I tended to notice pretty girls more than pretty boys. 

There was also another hurdle. My (now ex) group of toxic friends. These friends weren’t toxic in the way that they wouldn’t include me, they were toxic in the way that they would talk shit about any minority group, a lot of which i was a part of. They were racist (I am not a poc but it still made me upset and uncomfortable) ableist (they threw the r-slur around a lot) homophobic (this was the biggest one, mainly making fun of them, callng them ‘pixies’ and would say they would ‘burn them’) and transphobic/enbyphobic (they didn’t consider they/them pronouns valid, they threw around the ‘attack helicopter’ joke, and they would dehumanize trans people, and call them ‘transvestites’)

Over the summer, I still spoke to them, and tried to ignore all of their behavior, because if I had cut them off, I would be completely alone. I have an extremely intense fear of abandonment, so the idea of doing that was comparable to death.

Through the first half of 8th grade (I was doing school from home) I didn’t talk to many people other than them. I stayed in my room a lot, and the first half of 8th grade was a steady decline in my mental health. My depression and anxiety had significantly worsened over that time, and I was extremely lonely. This was also worsened by the fact that I have ADHD, and at the time, it was undiagnosed, so I was failing almost all of my classes. 

The only way I was able to comfort myself was through my hyperfixations, and over the summer, I had a developed a hyperfixation on the Origins MCRP group. Because I had nothing else to do, I decided to pick up drawing again, and in October, I did an Origins version of Inktober. Every day, I would draw a different character from their series Fairy Tail Origins. I did not complete the challenge, however I did get through the first week, and I am proud of myself for that.

One one of the days, I had to draw a character named Brandon (partial inspiration for my name lel.) Brandon is a sky devil-slayer, and a co-guild leader of a guild named Divinus Magia. and I decided to draw him in a picture that symbolically showed his mental struggles with a devil named Jupiter. I posted it to the fan discord, and the actor and creator of the character (online username is ReinBloo) noticed my artwork. I was extremely excited about this, and decided to start drawing more and more. 

Because of this newfound motivation to pick up drawing again, I decided to create my own persona. I decided to make my main persona a revised design of my profile picture at the time. It was an improvised character, but I liked the aspects of it, and in late 2020, (yes i am 14 shut up) I created my main Oc, Jupiter. (at the time he didn’t have a name and I landed on Jupiter because I like it, and it fit him.) Jupiter is a space inspired demon, with dark grey skin, white star-like freckles, pure white eyes, white hair (that is slightly purple) and light gray ram-like horns with gray stripes on the base and tip. His color palette is that of the Asexual flag, and this was originally unintentional, but since I like the colors, and my Asexuality is an important part of my identity, I went with it.

I fell in love with this character, and he helped me figure out a lot about myself. I continued to watch origins, and draw for them (mainly ReinBloo’s characters lel) and on January 27th of 2021, in the premier chat of one of the episodes of My Hero Origins, I met MissyLea (She also goes by Lea, and Vesper). We instantly became friends, and moved over to discord to continue our conversation. By February 10th, we were already planning on being platonic valentines. We related on so many things, she was so kind, and loving, and understanding, and very quickly, I grew a strong emotional bond with her.

By the end of February, I developed an emotional attraction to her. I wanted to be with her forever, and while I personally wouldn’t consider it romantic right now, at the time, I did. After a few months of identifying as Aromantic (I had learned about it by now, through the Asexual community) I decided to change that label to Demi-Panromantic. I realized that I didn’t really see her gender, I didn’t care. I love her, and that’s all that matters to me. Now, I feel as though it was more of an emotional and somewhat sensual love for her, but even so, I love her to the edge of the universe and back, no matter what our relationship is.

I have told her things I’ve told no one else. When I was struggling, she was there for me, with kind words, and an endless amount of unconditional love. She is the type of person everyone deserves to have in their life, whether they are a friend, a family member, a partner, or anything else, everyone deserves to have a friend with the amount of love in their heart that she has.

On March 19th, I decided to tell her how I felt. When she said she felt the same way about me, I was happier than ever. To have someone who feels the same way about me as I do about them is amazing. We started dating later that day.

It’s only been 3 months, but I feel like I’ve known her for 3 years. Vesper has made me feel complete when I’m around them, but they’ve made it so much easier to stand on my own as well. 

Near the end of my 8th grade year, I officially cut them off, and came out to them (albeit in a very aggressive way) and I wouldn’t have been able to do this without Vesper’s support. Just one person has made it so much easier to cut off toxic people.

Vesper’s support also made it easier for me to be more open with my therapist. I began to tell her more of what I was struggling with, and it has made my mental health journey so much more bearable.

Over these past two months, I have finally gotten a diagnosis, and been able to truly know what direction to go in to properly treat my mental health.

I hope that by sharing my story you can better know me, and I also hope I can help create a safer environment for others to talk about their stories.

I hope one day people will be able to be themselves, and talk about their experiences, without the fear of judgement, or persecution, and if just this one post helps us get closer to that, I will be happy.

Happy Pride Month everybody! You are all amazing, loved and valid! 🌈💖

[asianadjacent]

We are not all the same

An open letter to white men everywhere

Dear (drunk) white men,

It may come as a surprise to you but all yellow-looking people are not the same. We even speak different languages and are from places that could be geographically further apart than the length of your tiny island. What a shocker, I know - but I have no doubt that you’ll get over it very quickly.

And while it may sound like I am addressing all white men, I am in fact addressing two specific drunk white male individuals and your one token Asian-ish pal. One of you looking very fat, balding and grotesque, the other lanky with a misshapen face akin to Steve Buschemi (no offense Steve!), and the token Asian with a wispy moustache beard combo (not a good look dude). We’ll get back to the token later on but the focus for now is solely on the two white men.

I spotted you both coming into Rasa Sayang, the Malaysian restaurant that I just so happened to be sitting in for a late Friday dinner in Soho, with your Asian friend coming in shortly after.

This particular Malaysian restaurant, which I regularly frequent, was originally located in Chinatown. It has temporarily moved slightly north into a supposedly trendier part of town as the original shop house is under construction. However, given the fact that businesses in Chinatown restaurants have dropped over 60% (an anecdotal stat from Chinatown restaurant staff) since the start of this COVID-19 fuelled hysteria with gross racial overtones, the short-term move for the owners is probably a blessing in disguise. (While I could entertain you with stories of overt racism in central London due to coronavirus-mania, that is another subject to tackle at another time.)

We now go back to the evening, where out of the corner of my slightly suspicious looking slitty eyes and large ears, I see and hear this group of three men, obviously under the influence and slightly boisterous. While this may seem not out of the ordinary as we’ve all been a bit loud and obnoxious after a few post-work pints, what proceeded to happen was also sadly, quite the norm.

As a server approached them, the fat one decided to shout “KAMSAHAMNIDA” while the lanky one shouted to their Asian friend to be more “Asian”. The Asian friend proceeded to squeeze his face to make smaller eyes while holding up his hand to make a peace sign while greeting the waiter with the good old “herro”.

(“Kamsahamnida” is “thank you” in Korean, which doesn’t even make sense in this context.)

Seeing as I was rolling solo waiting for my food to arrive, it was only natural that I was people watching. They were especially hard not to miss as I was sitting near the entrance. The moment that happened, a rage welled up inside of me and I was immediately shooting evils at the group. I was making my displeasure known through my stares and they definitely felt it. Instead of looking contrite or toned down, they instead muttered under their breath about how European Asians usually have better manners and wouldn’t stare.  

So as I sit here on the 14 bus, rage typing on my way home, I decided to write an open letter to the drunk white men out there who think this is ok. Obviously, this is not addressed to the good ones out there, just the ones who think it’s perfectly acceptable to go into an Asian restaurant and speak rudely to the wait staff in a language that they know does not belong to them. You know exactly who you are.

You wouldn’t walk into a German beer hall and speak French. You wouldn’t walk into an Italian pizzeria and start shouting random Greek words. You wouldn’t walk into a Dutch bar and start rattling off the only Spanish phrases you picked up during your pathetic GCSEs. So why would you think it’s ok to walk into a Malaysian place and start shouting the first Korean phrase that popped into your head just because you’ve heard of Parasite, BTS or Samsung?

And to you, the token Asian. Yes, you. I was offended by you the most, not because you joined in, but because I see so much of my old self in you. I know you.

I know that you act a bit more ‘white’ and a little less ‘yellow’ so you’d fit in better with your mostly straight, white, male friends. I know that you really milk the Asian stereotype jokes in front of your white friends to feel more accepted. However, I will tell you this now. When you look back in a few years (or maybe more), in a time where you’re attempting your damndest to reclaim your identity because you feel like you’ve lost a part of you over the years, you will look back at these moments with regret and shame.

You will reflect on moments like these and realise that you reduced yourself to the common denomination to fit into the majority because you are afraid that you won’t be fully accepted due to your skin colour and background.

Because you lowered yourself to the common denomination to fit into a group because you are afraid that you won’t be fully accepted for who you are just because of your difference in lived experience due to your skin colour and background.

I know all this because that used to be me, making “eating dog” or “chinky” jokes just for a few cheap laughs. I’m trying to be better now and you, my fellow yellow asian friend, should stop too. And if you don’t want to do it for the rest of us, do it for yourself.

We are more than indistinguishable yellow faces with interchangeable languages, just like how these white men are, probably, more than just a couple of drunk twats. We are not our skin tone or the shape of our eyes. We are also not solely defined by the location of where we were born or the colour of our passports. We are a culmination of our individual lived experience, which makes us truly unique, while still being able to belong to the various cultures and influences that shaped us.

So the next time you want to tell a self-deprecating ‘Asian’ joke, or shout Japanese words at a bunch of Mongolians, please do us all ‘yellow’ people a favour and just don’t.

Fuck you very much, A Malaysian Chinese hetero(ish) male, aged 29, with lived experiences across three continents and five countries (so far), a better grasp of the English language than most of the white people who invented it, and with enough manners to not be an absolute racist cunt, even when drunk.

[calleo-bricriu]

Why do I keep doing this?

It’s nearly over, there are fewer than 100 pages left in the horrid thing after this one.

((Oh also, these few chapter contain a hell of a lot of really casual racism mostly against Native Americans and whatever “half-breeds” are, because that’s not specified.))

Okay, chapter 18 starts with finding out that the stroke didn't kill Mother it did, of course, exactly what Mizpra wanted: Left her a mostly paralysed invalid.

Despite that, she's written as still being pretty mentally lucid, just not physically capable of doing much but being propped up in a chair facing a window. Now somehow she's being called "The mother of Leigh" instead of Mrs. Newcomber.

Anyway, she's staring out the window, occasionally being annoyed by the fact that her nurse is a "strange and harsh woman" and how she's a toy of Mizpra's now somehow.

It's also somehow "perverted" of Mizpra to let her mother reminisce about when she was younger but okay.

Watching birds is supposed to make one cry; I'm guessing mabye I watch birds incorrectly because, while interesting, I've never really felt any sort of urge to cry over them.

Mizpra evidently thinks, "partially paralysed from a stroke" means "also deaf" and is now always written shouting right into her mother's ear. Also, she was sick of her mother watching birds because "the mist will soon commence to fall" whatever that means.

Back to insulting Mizpra again, "With her energy, moral palsy, masculine effrontery, and unbridled control of a large fortune, she moved the men and women around her." He's writing that like it's a bad thing.

I mean, it'd be a lot easier to dislike her if he focused on the things she's done rather than the fact that the author just thinks she's a little too "masculine" because, really, by this point we know she stripped down a teenage girl in front of her class to berate her about wearing corsets, married a guy just because he knew how to use a typewriter, and planned her mother's stroke and had the thought of, "It'd be super inconvenient if she dies but whatever, I'll make it work if that happens." You know, legitimate reasons to dislike someone.

"There was not enough of sex instinct in her to enjoy being flattered as a woman," well, who the hell could blame her? Flatter her based on the abilities she's shown, none of which are remotely terrible (by modern standards at any rate).

The author doesn't seem to think highly of women as doctors either because the first one described is, "one of the big-footed, short-haired kind" you know, manly.

Oh, but, "a mild sort of fellow-feeling--not womanly--brought about business arrangements between Mizpra and the female physician."

This is such an exhausting book to read; no wonder so few copies still exist, even in reprint. Normally, I can’t get enough of getting my hands on and reading rare books that only have one or two copies still left anywhere but this? This one is a harsh reminder that some books may actually be better off eventually fading completely from anyone’s memory.

"The older inhabitants of the surrounding country had become interested in Mizpra. The Spaniards, Mexicans, half-breeds, and Indians, all bigoted and ignorant, were now singing her praises." I'm--pretty sure the only bigoted and ignorant one here is the author.

MOVING ON.

Oh look, someone brought her one of her Genius Brother's books: "Insanity in the Adolescent Caused by Religious Rites and Mysticism in the Catholic Church," by Leigh Newcomber, M.D.

There's also a typo in the book that the editor apparently missed, "It had been a distressing day for Mizpra, and she was ugly in mood, and agitated in feeelings."

Feeelings.

""I saw a pretty Indian girl to-day. I'll have as many as--" at this moment the blood rushed to her heavy cheeks and her hands and feet began to feel cold. She grasped the back of a chair to steady herself for a moment, then strode to the bed to throw herself down upon it."

Well, that came out of nowhere. Pun intended.

So now she's going to pretend she's Catholic and devote her time and money to teaching "the Indian and half-breed girls". I'm just going to assume she's moved beyond stabbing sleeping men with scarf pins and is moving on to--that.

Ordinarily, that wouldn't be all that off-putting sounding if not for the use of the term "half-breed" and girls. Girls--that often indicates that they're not adults.

Anyway, she gets a telegram presumably from Rev. Bald indicating he's ruined Leigh's life but, since I've read the previous chapters and the author is about as predictable as the tides, I'm going to assume Leigh sent the telegram and is planning a surprise visit.

Oh look, more casual racism: "An Indian lad, a protege of Father Francisco, arrived at the house with a note from that priest. He was a fine specimen of his race; lithe, bright-eyed, and cunning." He also doesn't like Mizpra, probably because she keeps calling people half-breeds and savages.

Wonderful! He even talks in a perfectly stereotypical racist manner, "Big bone squaw. Too much talk. Want chief."

So, she asks when "the woman" arrived at the priest's house, he answers, "Yes, bad squaw come."

Which makes her angry because he apparently said it in a defiant tone so she grabbed him and demands he explain why she's bad and if he doesn't she'll have him flogged.

I can't exactly parse the racist as hell way he's writing this kid but it seems something to do with an Indian who converts to Catholicism gets salvation?  

So Mizpra slaps him because that's a rational reaction but then he keeps talking and I have no idea what the hell is going on, "Indian boy understand. He white squaw no Christ squaw; Indian boy no white papoose. He squaw, look out."

He leaves, no further explanation, time skp three days later from "Rev. Bald" who basically details what Bald had intended to do but ended up getting tag teamed by Leigh and a prostitute. So, definitely Leigh writing that letter. I mean it also said that Mops was poisoned (diphtheria, for the last. fucking. time. infects you; the bacteria can produce toxins, which are what can cause the range of symptoms, some of which can be fatal, so unless you're just injecting the produced C. diphtheriae toxins right into someone, you are not poisoning anyone by exposing them to diphtheria, you are infecting them and I know that seems like semantics but the author is a doctor and should know better than to think infect and poison are the same thing) and died.

Anyway, Mizpra believes the letter is from Rev. Bald, so I'm sure that'll end well for her.

"Mizpra had but one thought, one passion now; that was, to wallow in her perverted pleasures to the saturating point of satiety." All right.

Chapter 19 begins with "The reader has probably already surmised from the letter received by Mizpra that Bald had recovered."

In the sense that he wasn't dead, yeah, I guess.

Leigh told the hospital Bald was hit by a trolley car and Bald is just, "Well, since I can't remember what happened, that must be correct!"

So Leigh shows up the next day because Rev. Bald is his patient and the first thing the author does is write something creepy in the narrative, "Leigh now noticed a distinct refinement in Bald's features. he was pale, and the whilom sensuous lips had lost some of their grossness."

Who--thinks like that? So he sits there watching Bald sleep for awhile then leaves after leaving some magazines and "a basket of luscious fruit".

Weirdo.

Nurse starts in with some story about how Leigh lost his wealth or something, then Leigh shows up again and Bald immediately goes turncoat on Mizpra.

So Leigh decides that Mizpra is "undoubtedly mentally ill" and "he would see her placed where she could no longer do injury to herself o rothers."

And they’re headed to California; of course, Leigh had Bald write the telegram and letter to tell Mizpra her plan went off flawlessly.

Predictable writing.

Leigh insists the issue is that Mizpra is insane, not a criminal, and that she's "not responsible for her actions". I mean, mentally ill or not, she's still responsible for her own actions unless someone else is forcing her hand, which they are not. That's been made clear.

Only about 100 pages left, thank everything.

Now they're talking about one of the other sisters, the older one who married a lawyer. That turned into a rambling story about how the lawyer "misappropriated" funds and somehow that landed them under having to get an allowance from Mizpra.

Chapter 20 appears to be Leigh is Stressed and Wants a Drink.

Manages to get home without doing that and apparently Obera's only method of showing support is to just fling herself around and cry.

"Leigh went to work instantly to eliminate the poison which his faulty nervous system had allowed to accumulate in his body and thus produce a self-intoxication." ...what?

He calls Dr. Bell to come and write something to Bald and Leigh has to be whiny about it, "Well, I don't believe you or any other man can understand what I suffer."

Please stop being 13 at some point, Leigh, you are an adult.

Now he's relating his life to Poe's stories and needs to stop--but I guess this book is where the whole "psychic incubus" thing came from because he's talking about one now.

And that sort of drifted in to him rambling incessantly about Edgar Allen Poe and how Leigh is just like that, only with more friends and less good writing, I guess.

I might have added the last two things.

Dr. Bell insists on heading out to California with Bald and Leigh and that's the end of that chapter.

It was 85% Leigh rambling on about Edgar Allen Poe while saying very little about him and just sort of quoting random bits of his work.

No surprise the author of the book had a weird obsession with the same thing.

[badfauxmance]

Anti-Asian Racism

This is first and foremost a gossip blog. However we are currently dealing with racism as an ugly, old problem coming to the forefront again. Obviously I have no idea what are the backgrounds of all of you readers out there. However for those of you who AREN’T Asian, you’re about to get a window into the really complex views of almost 5 BILLION people in the world.

Basically one of the biggest issues amongst Asians is the fact we’re so diverse and there are so many of us that have experiences that some don’t. This is basically a repeat of the “Asian Night” picture that came out last year when people started looking into who the hell Alejandra Onieva is. Predominantly Asians from Asia were like “What the heck are you guys going on about?” while Overseas Asians were the primary people who was upset about it. And that’s because Asian people in Asia don’t experience racism for being Asian. I mean kind of hard to be dealing with Anti-Asian racism when you’re in Asia and YOU are the majority, you know?

One last thing. As an actual Asian American person, this is just my personal opinion and doesn’t necessarily reflect that of my co-writers. I don’t want to drag  this issue out because we’re a gossip blog, not an anti-Racism discussion blog. Anyways I’m going to use a cut below because this is going to be long.

Anon 1:  “a sentence that is insensitive towards asian female. “Love you long time”” // I’m a female Asian, SouthEast Asian if we’re being specific. and have been living in Asia for as long as I am alive and I just???? What about his sentence is racist???? Which part???? Because I am so fucking confused??? Like??? Are people always triggered about every fucking thing??? Now I’m confused and annoyed.

I’ll be 100% honest with all of you. When I first heard about this comment and the uproar I was legitimately confused why this was causing a problem. Then when I looked into it I started understanding why. Basically it’s similar to this line from the movie Full Metal Jacket. In the movie there’s a scene where the characters are being propositioned by a Vietnamese sex worker who says “me love you long time.” There have been racist douchebags over the years who will say this to Asian women partially to be racist douchebags, but also to sexually harass Asian women. It’s also used to mock how Asian people speak or the assumption that because we’re Asian we must be foreigners while ignoring there are plenty of Asian people who ARE born in the US, Canada, Australia, etc. and are perfectly able to speak English and are citizens of said countries. The perpetual foreigner stereotype.

Anyways I was really confused because I never actually saw the movie and only heard about this line in passing years ago. No one’s actually been a douchebag and said shitty things like this to me, so it quite never occurred to me or jumped to my mind what this issue was until I looked into it. 

Like I said above, a lot of Asian people living in Asia don’t really know the kinds of racism people living Overseas have to deal with, so I’m not all that surprised you’re not aware of the problem. I do remember many people from Asia being confused why other people were upset when Alejandra and her friends were dressed up for “Asian Night” considering I know there are clothing rental stores in various cities in Asia where tourists can rent them and take pictures, etc. So I get how you’re probably confused why some of us Overseas Asians are upset about things. Personally I was more offended by their “yellowface” makeup trying to “look Asian.” It’s basically the same thing as “blackface” makeup used to mock and parody Black/Brown/African American people with gross stereotypes about them.

Anon 2:  I’m quite surprise when I saw your response. Because I feel like I was being dismissed. I’m an asian woman too, and I have been on the receiving end of that phrase for too many times. It’s insulting. It makes me feel bad about myself. I can’t tell you how many times people said that to me and saw me as a sexual object. It’s disgusting. I am truly sad and disappointed when I read your post. It feels as if you’re saying that is okay, I should gave him the benefit of the doubt, cause he’s ignorant

It’s really shitty that you have to deal with that. Asian woman or not, frankly no one should have to deal with being sexually harassed or mocked for being Asian. I 100% agree that is an awful thing for anyone to endure. It needs to stop and enough is enough.

One thing I want to make abundantly clear is that if you believe what I wrote last night was dismissing your experiences, that is entirely because YOU interpret my comments that way. It’s kind of hard for me to dismiss your experiences when I frankly don’t know you or even knew you existed until you posted this Ask.

I have considered myself fortunate that I was never subjected to a fraction of what you have apparently dealt with. The one and only time I got harassed in that manner was some random drunk guy catcalling me with “Hey Miss Chinatown.” That’s literally all I’ve experienced in 30+ years of life. Not every Asian woman has dealt with the bullshit you dealt with. It’s just a fact. I’m very much aware that there are other women who have your experiences. What you also need to understand is that there might be Asian women who are like me and didn’t have the kind of interactions you did. We are not one monolithic, united people. We’re over 4.9 billion people with different experiences and interactions with non-Asian people. The first anon above literally didn’t even understand why that phrase was even offensive because she never had to deal with random men saying stuff like that to her.

I’ve been accused in the past of being soft with Sebastian before. Maybe I am being too optimistic or kind towards him. I’m just trying to be reasonable here and not automatically assume that he’s being a racist asshole. He’s said and done things carelessly before. It’s really up to every individual to decide if they think his mistake is one step too far. Also I don’t pretend to be 100% perfect and I’ve made my share of mistakes in the past, so I’m not going to just call him a racist when he probably wrote what he wrote without any real consideration of the meaning. Also how do you know he didn’t do a grammatical typo? If he wrote “love you a long time” this wouldn’t even be a topic of controversy at all. I want actual evidence here and not things that are dependent on a syntax error to be considered offensive.

I very clearly stated that I don’t have the presumption to tell anyone what to think or feel about anything. You’re the one who seems to believe I’m doing so despite the fact I very clearly stated I didn’t. All I can say is that if you believe that my opinions are offensive to you, then you can choose to unfollow or block the blog going forward. I’m not here to tell you what to do. At all. My experiences are mine and yours are yours. My experiences influence my views and yours influences yours.

[monicalorandavis]

The Water Dancer is a salve for a broken country

The Water Dancer is so good that I believe it can fix America. No matter where you stand, or live, this country is hanging on by a thread. We’ve needed solutions since 1619 when the first African slave was brought to our shore. Instead we’ve avoided the wound that slavery inflicted. It’s too late for state-sanctioned racial sensitivity seminars. Politicians are not to be trusted on such matters. The most radical option is the only option. We need art.

America is (and has been) a dangerous place for people of color. The police are antagonists and Congress is useless. We need a spiritual overhaul. (And I am using the following pseudo-Christian language loosely so forgive me. My intention is not to isolate anyone.) The healing has to start on a personal level, at a cellular level. We need God. And I don’t really mean God god. We need something good, and big, and something we can all believe in. God is convenient that way. He’s up in the sky, the sky we all share and look up to and out of ourselves. We need something unifying like art. We all listen to music. Everyone laughs and cries. Art is God by proxy. It is our nonverbal expression that cuts to the core of us. And while, to the rest of the world, Americans are not known for our intellectual arguments, I argue that “The Water Dancer” plays into that great American heart center that makes politics in this country so volatile. We are people full of feelings. So many feelings. Lucky for us, this is a book with the power to heal.

And you might think that we’ve moved past books. Do people read anymore? True, we’ve moved on in so many other areas of life and entertainment. We can watch movies on our phones. But, reading, like much of our consumption of entertainment in the last year, is private. It isn’t too far removed from how we spend our time already. 

Reading provides a mirror and a window. It presents characters unlike us but united in a human fabric so much so that we are them. Our own experiences color the character’s decisions. To extricate yourself from the person about which you’re reading is antithetical to the fantasy of reading. Books teach us about ourselves by teaching us about other people.

Perhaps the move away from reading, and the larger consumption of media through our phones has dwindled our capacity to consume longer narratives. But I don’t feel that the damage is irreversible. It is perhaps the exact metaphor for the damage racism has caused. All is not lost. Yes, America has carried on its racist legacy too long. We are doomed if we do not act. We are on the verge of being a people we will not like. But Americans have many ideas about their benevolent destiny. We are soon to be lost from the idea we have of ourselves. Or perhaps not.

So how is it that one book, and one man, provide the salve for America? I’m not nearly smart enough to give you the entire argument. Nor should I. But I must implore you to read The Water Dancer. It is your civic duty. But I will lay out a couple of the finer points that have stuck with me since I finished the book three months ago. (It has taken me some time to get my thoughts in order.)

One, America has disrespected black Americans for centuries and as a result our country is broken. No more senate hearings or long-winded debates will fix it. Ta-Nehisi Coates writes of the pivotal story of America, slavery, the inciting incident - as a disease of forgetfulness. In The Water Dancer, Coates juggles multiple storylines, and timelines, deftly. He writes of a two-class system, the “quality” versus the “tasked”, and while these terms might rub rough in the mouth, they conjure up the same broken system of today. The psychic power in Coates’ storytelling lies, with all good things, in the in-between’s.

Between the stories of cruelty and separation, is a Marquez-inspired, metaphysical story of teleportation through memory. And before you can scream sci-fi, let us first establish, Americans are suffering from widespread memory loss, be it purposely or not. The memories of slavery are simply too painful to live in regularly. This is a story beyond genre. It’s an all-encompassing, sweeping story. It’s sci-fi but it’s also historical fiction. And now that I’ve totally bored you, let’s push on. The magical realism up Coates’ sleeve is one I’ve yet to see and hope to see more of. Coates writes of the metaphysical capacity of memory and he uses water as the conduit. Kaboom.

Yes, water, the scene of so much crime against the African American, as it has been the pathway, the passage, and then more recently, the segregated pool with its lack of access and subsequent stereotypes - that place is the only location charged with enough ancestral wattage to summon the power to travel groups of people safely out of slave lands. That sounds confusing and impossible. But, slavery seems sort of confusing and impossible now too. And yet...

We need metaphysical stories. We need fables. We need slave super heroes. That is why “Django” felt so important and “12 Years” felt so expected. (And yet, there seems to be only one slave narrative that we reward with awards and accolades.) I won’t spoil all the fun of the teleportation travels because they are fantastic and soulful. And, most of the fun comes from who we get to meet along the newly-imagined Underground Railroad. To spoil that would ruin the occasional surprise of hope along the journey.

Now, the second point, and, I guess, larger argument for “The Water Dancer” is that it is not a shaming tome. It is not an indictment of white people (though I don’t know if they deserve such generosity. Coates is a more enlightened being than I.) It holds white people and black people in its palm and pokes at either, revealing how we, belonging to our groups, subjugated each other to a system that benefited neither. White people, “the quality”, were privileged in their position, avoiding manual labor and brandishing discipline with whips and cruelty. The quality subjugated the tasked through years of degradation to the point that the tasked stopped fighting. That is the part slaves played. They could have revolted every day, but then again, they could’ve been lashed every day. While their responsibilities in the system are certainly not equal, they play a factor. And then there was a third option for the slave. Run away.

A life on the run, hiding in free states, leaving loved ones behind and never being able to sit still long enough to get discovered, all that constant running and constant anxiety proved to be its own set of chains. But this was the only option for tasked people who wanted more. Mothers left children. Husbands left wives. Slaves faced terrible decisions for the chance of a better life. Just the chance. It was horrible and sad and we are not so long removed from the trauma. To expect black people to move on from a tragedy when entire family lines have been lost to never be repaired is not only disrespectful, it’s unrealistic. Slavery was abolished and white lawmakers asked former slaves to be superhuman. We’ve penalized being normal, feeling beings (I believe because slaves were never supposed to be seen as such).

What did we expect would happen? This is the natural outcome. Disorder. Unease. Tension and resentment. Black people do not owe their former masters’ forgiveness. Some are gracious enough to provide it. But expect it, you should never. It is not yours. Forgiveness is the highest gift from any person. It is, in effect, spiritual gymnastics and we are not all limber or athletic enough to go there. Yet, The Water Dancer is full of forgiveness.

To backtrack slightly: I did say black people participated in the system, too. But, in many respects, they had to to simply stay alive. (That or flee and that guaranteed nothing.) To be a “good” slave, meant that you, the slave, obeyed your master. In so doing, white people suffered. That little exchange, be good or be punished was the sacrifice to black (and white) people.

Let’s go deep. White people’s integrity was lost in this system. That is not some holy, esoteric ill. To put it plainly, their moral fiber was compromised. The slave owner suffered greatly from their barbarism though it be their own. MIddle-class white families participated in every day, commonplace violence. Men, women and children fancied themselves “good white people” all the while owning other human beings. Even if they didn’t beat, rape, starve or maim their slave, they diminished another human’s life continuously, every day, every second. Down to the smallest detail. A slave lived a life without a choice. What does that do to a person? 

On the other side, to be a master of a man was to be emboldened as that man, or woman, or child’s God, in a sense. You fed, clothed, housed and ordered them around, all the while, maintaining a firm grip on discipline and decorum. You were feared. And after generations of such cruelty, your grip on morality suffered. You could not be fully Christian, as many defended themselves to be. You see, to be feared was a handicap to the white man. They have been made inhumane with their own actions. Their inherited legacy and DNA has been mutated and bent to explain gross acts of violence (just as African Americans’ DNA has inherited the pain of slavery). White Americans are no longer what they could’ve been. Their wounds have resulted in a manipulated sense of power. Their compassion, their grace, their eternal goodness and humanity has been violated. And they did it to themselves. They participated in their own moral corruption. That is their burden. The tasked fed into the system, however slightly, to protect themselves. They witnessed the firsthand degradation of their masters’ humanity.

And now that we’re all involved, let’s talk about the present issue at hand. How to right this wrong? We could start with reparations.

No, I don’t think that will ever truly happen. It would become an overwrought “proving” system of blackness. There would be measurements and rigamarole and the money would be delayed and the bureaucracies in place would be as shitty as the DMV. But what we can do is promote black art. Without conditions. Let it be taught during all months of the year. Let’s stop fearing the psychic damage it does to us. We are all mature enough to speak about this open secret. Black people were slaves. White people owned them. Was that so hard? I don’t believe so. Let us finally go to the hurt places and repair them so that we can be better. Let us use the gifts of those smarter and more creative than us to be better.

I think Ta-Nehisi Coates knows the way. No pressure, sir. But I think you’ve written the book that we needed in 1619. Now if you could only teleport a copy to the shores of Virginia...

"The Water Dancer” might be the most seminal book of our country’s history. We, black and white, are united in a shared legacy of torture and bondage. Cry as we might, we are not color blind. We were never color blind. There are things to atone for. 

And if I haven’t convinced you yet, black people teleport. And they teleport through fucking water by summoning their memories - and if that’s not a big middle finger to every racist “black people can’t swim”-ass clown from the Mayflower to the present, then I don’t know what is. He served us magical realism on a platter with a gravy made from the ancestors. Let us listen to artists now. Aren’t we tired of fighting?

[getoutblockbuster]

“Get Out” True Horror, Turned Horror Film

A $4.5 million budget somehow was able to make former comedy writer and comedian Jordan Peele into a well-respected, Oscar-nominated horror filmmaker. Get Out has grossed over 255 million worldwide which is a massive profit considering its small budget (Wilkinson). But what could have possibly made Get Out succeed so much as a horror movie such as the likes of “The Conjuring” and “The Blair Witch Project.” The issue with Horror films is that audiences seem to have gotten bored of the traditional jump scare horror flick. Every film seems to be more based on the formula of eerie music and jump scares than the one that came before. But how come this low budget film was different? Jordan Peele takes a very different approach to horror than many directors and writers of the Genre. Peele takes the approach of taking something real and transforming it into a fictional horror story (Landsberg, 630). The real horror in Peele’s 2017 blockbuster was its themes surrounding racism.

This film was able to take a real hot topic in America (especially since the beginning of Donald Trump’s presidency causing racial tensions to rise in the country) and use a narrative to show people the real horrors of something like racism. Get Out is a film about a young black man in his 20’s named Chris who is dating a white girl named Rose Armitage, who comes from a wealthy family who lives in a rich white neighborhood. Their house is isolated and there isn’t another house in close proximity. Rose’s family are elite white liberals who apparently want to show their approval of their daughter dating a black man. The first few interactions are filled with multiple micro aggressions such as Rose’s father showing Chris a picture of his father who lost an Olympic race to Jesse Owens, a black Olympic gold medalist, who won a gold medal in Germany in front of Hitler. He also went on to say that if he could vote for Obama for a third term then he would because he was the best president of his life time by far. These are all is if the family is trying to blatantly say: “WE’RE NOT RACISTS.”

This is a common theme with white liberals in today’s society with people constantly trying to defend their biases through their obscure connections and support of black people or people of marginalized identities. You can see through Chris’ facial expressions that he is not surprised that people are acting this way around him and its almost as if he finds this to be something comical. Chris starts to become suspicious as he realizes that there is nothing but white people around when the Armitage family throws their annual party. Everyone is a white affluent person other than the two black servants that work for the Armitage’s. There seems to be something off about the two servants as if they are living in someone else’s body. It’s at the climax of the film that Chris realizes that something odd is going on at this place. Once we see another black person at the party it is clear that something is odd about this person. Chris tries to connect with him on a level that connects them on the basis of black culture. However, when Chris recognizes him as someone, he used to know who has gone missing and tries to take a picture with flash to which this person (old acquaintance Andre Hayworth) nose starts to bleed and he starts to desperately yell “Get Out” to Chris (hence we get the name of the film) As if he was trying to warn Chris that this was not a place that he wanted to be in. Rose’s mom is able to calm Andre down, but Chris decides to take a walk and to tell Rose that he wants to leave to which she agrees. When Chris is gathering his stuff, he stumbles upon a box of photos of Rose with other black men and even a woman who looks like Gorgina (one of the family servants).

Through this Chris realizes that he must live but not before he is ambushed by the family and is basically explained that these white people who came to the Armitage’s house, were there to bid on Chris’s body. For a multitude of reasons, we see that these people are fetishizing these black bodies so that their consciousness could be transferred into a black vessel. This is the horror of the film (Virtue). No matter how nice these white people seem, there is always something that makes them look at you in a different light. When Marketing this film, Peele Insured that people knew that this film would address racism.

When the original trailer of the film was released, it received about 66 million views which is three times as many as a regular horror film trailer usually gets (Marich). This was mainly through people sharing the clip because its subject matter was different than anybody had ever seen before. As the video continued circulating, more and more people were intrigued by the film and the subject matter. How could you take something as real as racism and make it into a horror film? 

That’s exactly what made this film something that people were dying to see. Posters continued to be released with text saying things like: “do you belong in this neighborhood?” 

and from this, fans started to create their own fan art posters that mimicked what was being done by Peele and Blumhouse (Marich).

Reception from audiences was overwhelmingly positive. People loved “Get Out.” And people started to recognize the genius of Jordan Peele. He was more than just a comedy writer, he was a writer and director that could take true horror and make it into a big-screen blockbuster that brought real issues to people’s attention (Virtue). The critic's consensus from Rotten Tomatoes says Get Out is: “Funny, scary, and thought-provoking, Get Out seamlessly weaves its trenchant social critiques into a brilliantly effective and entertaining horror/comedy thrill ride.”

In Lizzy Human’s Article “Fetishism of the Black Body in Get Out.” She points out how one of the main points in this film revolve around stereotypes surrounding black bodies. In the movie it is pointed out multiple times that black people are more physically gifted than white people when it comes to athletic ability, strength, and aging black bodies are just better. In this sense, these people are just creating their own fetish about what the advantages are to being black (Human, 1). This plays on the issues surrounding white people stereotyping black people. This is something we often see in sports where people think that black people are better at some sports because there is something genetically that gives them an advantage. This is the type of thing that some people focus on instead of what it is actually like to be black in today’s society with all of the oppression and marginalization that hurts black people, white people are just focused on what black people might physically have that they don’t.

The success of this film is based on how Jordan Peele was able to take a real-life horror and turn into a successful film in the horror genre. This is known as “Horror Vérité” or “True Horror.” In this case, the true horror that Peele uses in the film “Get Out” is the horror of racism in today’s society. When people think of racism towards black bodies, they often think of slavery or the civil rights era where black people needed to fight for the right to be considered regular people. However, Peele’s film Speaks about the Racism that Black people face today, where they are still seen differently as a result of the color of their skin (Landsberg 631). This film starts this horror off by conveying how elite white liberals constantly try to justify their lack of racism through several microaggressions such as saying things like Rose’s Father saying that he “would have voted for Obama for a third term if he could have” or Rose’s brother saying things like Chris would have an unfair advantage in MMA because of his “genetic makeup” claiming that black people have some sort of unfair advantage over white people, basically ignoring the centuries of oppression by white people who claimed that they were a superior race and species.

“Get Out” was a revolutionary film that turned the Horror Genre on its head (Bishop). it was able to take the true horror of racism and create a world that was truly terrifying and made black people feel seen and was able to tell a story in a brilliant way thanks to Jordan Peele, who is more than just a comedy sketch writer. 

Bishop, Bryan. “Get Out Director Jordan Peele Wants to Change People's Minds with Horror Movies.” The Verge, The Verge, 2 Mar. 2017, www.theverge.com/2017/3/2/14781308/get-out-jordan-peele-horror-movie-race-interview.

Human, Lizzy. “Fetishism of the Black Body in Get Out .” Literary Cultures Nottingham Trent University, vol. 2, 2017, pp. 1–2. This source talks about how Jordan Peele created this film not on the basis of common racism as we know it but more on the fetish of black bodies from the antagonists in this film which are the white "open-minded" liberal elite family the Armitage’s. This is what makes this film a horror, it's that these white antagonists crave and need the bodies of innocent black people for various reasons which is what creates the horror for the protagonist.

Landsberg, Alison. “Horror Vérité: Politics and History in Jordan Peele’s Get Out (2017).” Continuum, vol. 32, no. 5, 2018, pp. 629–642., doi:10.1080/10304312.2018.1500522.

Marich, Robert. “'Get Out' Marketing Tapped Into Relationship Between Racism and Horror.” Variety, 22 Mar. 2017, variety.com/2017/biz/news/jordan-peele-get-out-marketing-racism-horror-1202012833/. This source from Variety talks about the initial marketing of the film Written and Directed by Jordan Peele and how since this film spent about 4.5 million dollars, and made over 33 million on opening weekend. Peele and Blumhouse Studios pushed peoples buttons by deciding to tell people that this was a horror film based in racism which piqued curiosity, I also believe that the way this article speaks about the promotion of the film through social media by fans truly helped it as well

Nguyen, Olivia Bé “How Get Out, the First Great Movie of the Trump Era, Got Made.” Vulture, 22 Feb. 2018, www.vulture.com/2018/02/making-get-out-jordan-peele.html. This article from Vulture talks about how Get Out was a movie that was made in criticism of the post-racial era of Obama and how the Presidency of Donald Trump allowed Peele to make this movie, taking the real horrors of racism and creating it into a horror film. I think that this source can help me take a look at the politically charged reasons for this film being made and help me start to look into how people looked at this film from a political standpoint after its release.

Poll, Ryan. “Can One ‘Get Out?" The Aesthetics of Afro-Pessimism.” The Journal of the Midwest Modern Language Association, vol. 51, no. 2, 2018, pp. 69–102. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/45151156.

Virtue, Graeme. “Is Get Out a Horror Film, a Comedy ... or a Documentary?” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 17 Nov. 2017, www.theguardian.com/film/filmblog/2017/nov/17/get-out-golden-globes-race-horror-comedy-documentary-jordan-peele.

Wilkinson, Alissa. “Get Out Is a Horror Film about Benevolent Racism. It's Spine-Chilling.” Vox, Vox, 25 Feb. 2017, www.vox.com/culture/2017/2/24/14698632/get-out-review-jordan-peele.

[kathemy]

[Nygmob/Batcat] One flame a day keeps the doctor away!

I rarely get flamed on tumblr. I’m unclear why this is so. Maybe my blog is inoffensive. Maybe nobody reads it. Maybe most people just know better.

Today one or more people who clearly did not know better wrote to me. I realize that writing a long, detailed and reasoned answer to four supremely idiotic private messages may come across as pretentious, but I don’t really care. Frankly, they were a godsend, because that allows me to discuss the degeneration of the fandom by example.

Suffice to say the people who wrote to me are those hard at work perverting the fandom down the Road to Hell - a small piece I wrote nearly two years ago to tell people why the Gotham fandom was basically... you know, healthy. That, and how I’d like it to stay that way. Actually, it’s still pretty healthy - the gay bashers, the identitarians and the anal comic book fanatics taken as a whole only make up a fraction of the fanbase.

What is funny, however, is how some of these insults actually make a good topic for discussion. That’s what prompts this post; it’s not a mere counterflame. 

So, let’s get down to it.

Like just say you don't like Black People and go [...]  gross and transparent, feel free to choke you rancid bitch [...]  why don't you tell people the real reason you don't like tabitha you vapid idiot.

Now, this is... how to put it... “how to be an identitarian asshole”? 

In fact: this type of “gag order” even forbids you to address harmful stereotypes of these people on television! This would require me to defend Andrei Chikatilo for being a poor Soviet worker because I’m a Communist, or you to defend Margaret Thatcher for being a woman because you’re a Feminist.

Unfortunately, in this rotten postmodern world with fake leftists pissing all over the concept of working class solidarity, this is what people do. If you don’t like Barack Obama bombing the shit out of third world peasants you’re a racist. If you don’t like Hillary Clinton effectively destroying Libya you hate women. It doesn’t matter that both are Imperialist scum.

Please note that my examples were carefully chosen. I could’ve brought up Valerie Solanas - though, let’s face it, the vermin I’m responding to probably likes Valerie Solanas - but it’s far easier to find a Black or a woman than a man from a proletarian background in the position as a world leader... which should tell you were the chief contradiction in society really lies. But, that’s a different story.

Let’s move on...

You ugly fucking roach. You have so much to say about tabitha, but Nothing to say about all the other villains. Not to mention you called her a "thug" [...]  how are you going to talk shit about tabitha when you stan and ship 2 murders. [...]  both penguin and riddler are fucking evil but you coddle them. [...] riddler is worse than her, he kills for chaos at least when someone dies at her hand it's for a reason! 

Wow, that sounds terrible, doesn’t it? Evil Kathemy discriminating against the poor Black woman...

Too bad it isn’t true.

The thing is this: I did not even attempt to bash Tabitha in my first post. I tried to give a fair assessment of her character, as I do with all the characters on the show. I also made this assessment not merely for the sake of putting down the character; I made it to point out why Tabitha and Selina might not be a good team-up. Tabitha is not a good role model for Selina. She’s a negative one, and will probably come off as a warning example in their interaction, which should be of some concern among those who are bothered by “negative representation of people of color on television.” Selina went to Tabitha in search of a purpose beyond survival. What purpose will Tabitha give her?

This is why I live a much happier life than most Nygmobblepot shippers. 

Did you ever see me throw a tantrum at Ed for shooting Oswald? Yes, I enjoy their interactions - how could I not, Cory and Robin are fantastic - but I never lose sight of the bottom line that they are both violent, mentally unstable killers!!! Thus - I’m not surprised by their terrible behavior towards each other and people in general. I’m not saddened by it. I don’t dream up fake head canons of a happy-ever-after domesticated existence for either of them. And, I certainly never make excuses for them, as you do claiming Tabitha “kills for a reason” stabbing an old woman in the back leaving her to bleed out in the arms of her son!!! 

I review Gotham for Doux Reviews. Let’s take a look at a snippet from one of those...

The man shooting Oswald at the end is a deeply conflicted Edward Nygma, but this is still Edward Nygma. The notion that he could simply forgive such a betrayal, that he wouldn't consummate his revenge, is completely alien to his character [...] Last episode, in a signature don't-try-this-at-home move, we saw Selina "breaking up" with Bruce by physically assaulting him.  [...] 

And, Bruce and Selina aren't anywhere near as maladjusted as Oswald and Edward. As intricate as the Riddler's schemes may be, he always chooses the nuclear option in dealing with all his personal problems. Dougherty abused Kristen? Kill him. Kristen threatened to rat him out to the police? Kill her. Jim might be onto him? Kill another colleague and pin it on him to put him in prison for murder. Oswald? He kills people for a sandwich.

<Doux Reviews> <Gotham> <The Gentle Art Of Making Enemies>

Wow, I sure do coddle them, don’t I?! 

I called Tabitha “an impulsive thug” because she is an impulsive thug - a violent, reckless criminal prone to making rash decisions. She’s certainly not portrayed as a methodical or calculating person. She doesn’t scheme. In fact in this respect she’s close to Selina, and that’s exactly why Selina has little to learn from her - she’s the same, only worse, only more amoral. 

It’s actually true I don’t like many Black characters on Gotham - because there aren’t many Black characters on Gotham. Fish Mooney was a character that outlived her usefulness by season one and wasn’t played by a very good actress. Crispus was a non-character. Essen didn’t get much to do either. Tabitha is a bit erratically written, but she’s actually among the better of them, and I’ve enjoyed her interactions both with Butch, Theo and to a lesser extent Barbara. The only really good one is Lucius Fox, who’s more or less an antithesis of the Black stereotype.

That’s not on me. That’s on the show.

Finally:

your faves are trash and your opinion on tabitha is gutter trash, much like Selina herself. kys 

Now, if I were to play your game, I’d conclude you’re a racist for calling a Latino actress “gutter trash” - but I’m not like you. I just realize you have very poor taste.

[s4banf-blog]

Geek Culture, Part 2

As with any culture, there will always be problems. In the geek culture, one of these main problems is sexism. Typically, it is assumed that geeks will refer to the straight white male. Sometimes, the culture doesn’t acknowledge that there is women who also fit into this ‘category’. Roli Varma states that “scholars have yet to critically examine the impact of geek culture on the under-representation of women in CS/CE in relation to the ethnicity/race and class”. Varma writes her paper in direct reference to the under-representation of women especially minorities in geek culture, she then goes onto to investigate this and why we need more representation within the culture. When women emerged from the all male dominated culture, it created internalised misogyny. This then created memes to try and stereotype the female geeks, which were often seen as “fake geek girls”. These memes often depicted young women wearing heavy makeup with gigantic over the top ‘nerdy’ glasses. However, this isn’t anything new. Women have often been marginalised within the community. Often in comic books, they have been ‘refrigerated’. Frank Miller the author of The Dark Knight Returns and Renin states that ‘refrigerated women’ is “a trope wherein female characters are killed (or raped, or suffer some other form of violence) solely to further a male character’s story or development”. These agendas have slowly been tackled with such characters such as Captain Marvel and Wonder Woman that continue to challenge this male dominated world. Some women however, are completely oblivious to the ongoing misogyny. An example of this is Allie Townsend. Her article written in 2011, “There’s a New Geek Girl Site in Town. I May Already Hate It” claims that the “internet culture has evolved way past the gender divide”. Throughout her article, Townsend puts down women-centric geek sites and blogs. She implies that because she’s never personally experienced any sexism in geek culture, it simply does not exist. This invalidates the experiences of real life women who have been harassed at conventions for their costumes or aggressively pestered by men when walking into a comic shop. However, when you have men and women in the community and industry who turn their heads away from new female fans, you are shutting out new fans.

People self-identify as geeks because they have been put down, excluded, and hurt by other people due to a certain interest in "uncool" things like comic books, or board games, or computer programming. More and more millennials are embracing being a geek, whilst previous generations saw the label as being something to be embarrassed about. Millennials are slowly starting to shape mainstream culture, they have changed the idea of what it means to be a geek - thus encouraging more and more people to embrace themselves to the term.  Some of those who self-identify as geeks look back nostalgically on the time when their status felt rebellious, says Benjamin Nugent, author of American Nerd: The Story of My People. Being geek means that you have permission to like what you like no matter what it is. In 2012/3, a new trend came about of wearing t-shirts that simply said “GEEK” and “NERD” across the chest. Topshop brought out the designs. By springtime they were unavoidable, seen on the chests of schoolkids, ravers and posh kids alike. Literally worn by everyone apart from those named on these t-shirts. As all things fade, so did this fashion statement. If you wore one of these t-shirts before it became cool, then you would’ve been ridiculed. Another example of the ‘wrong’ type of people associating themselves with being a ‘geek’ is Kim Kardashian revealing that she watches anime. People were absolutely furious about this, how can a popular famous reality star enjoy something only ‘geeky’ people enjoy? There is an implication that Kim is a ‘fake geek girl’ who can’t name so many anime series’ that she watches is an example of something that’s been happening for years, as self-declared keepers of a community struggle to come to terms with its growing popularity. Why shouldn’t Kim like anime? She grew up with it. Sailor Moon hit American screens in 1995. She’s a globetrotter deeply interested in world cultural trends. It would be surprising if she didn’t know what it was. Just because people don’t like her as a person -  is no excuse to assume that she’s ignorant that anime exists entirely. Her spouse, Kanye West has also declared his love for anime, tweeting that Akira was one of his favourite films. Fans of a cultural product assume that other fans are like them; that they share the same ideas, opinions and presumably, background.

Slowly consumerism is becoming filled with superheroes and fantasy, which create a lot of revenue. For example take the company Marvel and their sadly deceased owner Stan Lee before he died, he was worth a whopping $50million alone - (not including Sony and Disney). Marvel’s Black Panther became the highest grossing film for the Marvel Universe.. To date, the franchise has made over $14.7billion worldwide, making it the highest grossing franchise ever. It’s currently $6bn ahead of Star Wars. According to statistics, four of the top 10 highest grossing films of 2017 are comic book adaptations. In 2017, consumers in America spent $14.6billion on video games, hardware and related. The first San Diego Comic Con in 1970 featured 145 attendees. Last year, that number exceeded 130k. Geek culture is a cultural phenomenon.

Pop-culture portrayals of “geek culture” aren’t entirely accurate according to some. Shows like The Big Bang Theory and Silicon Valley may get right overwhelmed by tone-deafness to the culture they are supposedly giving to us, the people. What our core culture perceives to be geek culture is just a set of marketable trends. Actor Will Wheaton from Star Trek: Next Generation says in his memoir ‘Just a Geek’ that “Becoming mainstream is the wrong word; the mainstream is catching up”. Knowing obscure facts about favourite subjects has also lost its flavour. The number of Star Wars characters or the name of a constellation is all on Wikipedia now.

Nowadays people are starting to associate the alt-right with ‘geek’ culture, especially with what is going on with our modern day lives. There is no direct parallel between the alt-right and geek culture. Simply, an invasion. Recently, there was much debate surrounding horror author HP Lovecraft becoming the figure of the World Fantasy Award due to his well documented racism. His passionate fans - most of who have never experienced racism - asked why such historical oppression even mattered anymore. The movement is an online community whose values are almost identical from the far-right racism and sexism of the National Front and the Klu Klux Klan. It began as an attack on individuals, on a supposed lack of integrity in gaming journalism, which was then exploited by alt-right ‘activists’ using misinformation to start a huge fire of hatred online against women and minorities in gaming. This outrage helped to build their ever growing army of white, (mostly) male supporters. The fury of alt-right ‘activists’ helped push a minority of young male geeks to them. But far more members of the geek community went against the racist ignorance of the alt-right, and have stood against them.

[randomrichards]

OSCAR 2019 PREDICTIONS: BEST PICTURE

·         BLACK PANTHER

We begin with the first Superhero movie to be nominated in this category.

After the death of his father, T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) takes his place as King of Wakanda, a fictional African Country that keeps its futuristic technology under wraps from the outside world. It means wearing the mask of Black Panther, a superhero with extra strength and agility. But he finds his throne threatened when Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan) arrives to avenge his father (Sterling K. Brown) and make them answer for their isolationist policies. Now T’Challa will have to confront the sins of his father and question his preconceived worldviews to maintain his place as king.

When it comes to appeal, I notice similarities between this movie and the original Star Trek. Like Star Trek, this film offers an optimistic view of humanity where people are reaching their full potential, making gadgets for the benefit of others. Of course, what sells them is how unique and detailed their worlds are. Wakanda is a paradise where people hold on to their culture and traditions while creating the most advanced technology. They both offer a variety of memorable characters, with Black Panther’s world including T’Challa’s snarky young tech whiz sister Shuri (Letita Wright), his stern head guard Okoye (Danai Gurira) and larger-than-life villain Ulysses Klaue (Andy Serkis).

But like Star Trek, many people are turned off by Black Panther’s delivery. Many couldn’t get into the slow pacing of both franchises, finding them boring.[1] Many also found T’Challa to be too passive a protagonist; lacking a central motivation to drive the story, even those who found him engaging in Captain America: Civil War. There are some who would argue Killmonger was more of a protagonist since he has a clear goal and sets everything in motion. Both Star Trek and Black Panther have been criticized for their lackluster fight scenes and special effects. The fight scenes in Black Panther are certainly a huge set back. The camera is almost always too close and the film edits way too quickly. It looks way different from how director Ryan Coogler shot the boxing scenes in Creed. For that, you have Marvel Studios to blame for their overbearing control over their films and fear of risks. It’s kind of prevents this film from reaching its full potential.

What really annoyed me was the obvious death fake out. It’s a cliché that everyone can figure out and it needs to die.

It’s all in whether you can take the good or the bad.

·         BLACKKKLANSMAN

Based on the true story of the first black cop of Colorado Springs.

After finding an ad in the paper, Ron Stallworth (John David Washington) calls them under the disguise of a disgruntled racist. To pull this off, he has fellow cop Flip Zimmerman (Adam Driver) pass himself off as him to get into the Klan. When the clan plots a bombing, Ron and Flip must race against time to stop them.

From the opening scene of Kennebrew Beauregard flubbing his way through a racist rant, Spike Lee takes a comedic approach to the Klan. When the cops struggle to hold their laughter when Ron calls Klan leader David Duke (Topher Grace), you can’t help but take giddy pleasure in it. Plus, seeing Duke try to act tough in front of Stallworth (not realizing he’s the one whose been calling him) looks silly. But as the film progresses, Lee reminds us that these people are very dangerous people. No one embodies this more than Felix (Jasper Paakkonen), a paranoid, hostile lunatic. Plus, not every Klan member fits the inbred redneck stereotype associated with the Klan, remind us that they could be anyone, even members of the Defense Force. Plus, they have been making a recent comeback as indicated in the final scenes.

Through Ron, Spike Lee takes on the perspective of a black man reforming the system from the inside. Throughout the film, Ron encounters people who challenges him. Student activist Patrice (Laura Harrier) sees the police force as an unfixable racist system. He’s expected to put up with the very racist cop Landers (Frederick Weller). When Ron claims “America will never elect a racist like David Duke” a white cop counters with “Coming from a black man’ that’s incredibly naïve. Wake up.”[2]

I want to conclude with a powerful scene. At a student rally, speaker Jerome Turner (civil rights activist and singer Harry Belafonte) discusses how black men were brutally murdered in lynching after the premiere of Birth of a Nation a 1914 silent film that glorified the KKK while portraying black people in the most vicious stereotypes. Cut to the Klan watching the film with sadistic glee. You could imagine them celebrating a lynching like the fourth of July.

·         BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

This biopic looks at the life of Freddy Mercury, lead singer of Queen and one of the most charismatic front-men in Rock History.

I’m just going to say it; I hate this movie. A lot. It feels more like a smear campaign than a tribute. It seems to do everything it can to sully the reputation of Mercury, who’s not alive to tell his side of the story. It also embodies everything wrong with biopics.

First, the film tries so hard to fit every event of Queen’s career, but never gives any of the scenes time to develop them. They seemed more focused on fitting Queen songs than telling a good story. If that wasn’t enough, they also try to fit in every cliché found in music biopics. Disapproving parents? Check. Naysayer record executive? Check. Descent into drug addiction? Check. Singer cleaning himself up while learning humility in time to get the band back together for their most memorable concert? Check, Check and Check! This just comes off as lazy.

But what makes this so egregious is the level in which they twist the facts to fit into these clichés. While I get that screenwriters must tweak a person’s life to form a coherent story, but this one is just abusive. Nowhere is this truer than when the band get indignant about Freddy Mercury creating a solo album, accusing him of “killing Queen.” Considering that two of the members already made solo albums before Freddy did, you can’t help but get angry at the hypocrisy. Then they claim this broke up the band, when in real life they only took a break because they were burnt out. But none is worst then when they used Freddy Mercury’s AIDS diagnosis as a motivational tool to bring the band back together[3] in time for Live Aid. What makes this sick is that Freddy wasn’t diagnosed until two years after this concert. How the writers think all this lying is ok baffles my mind.

And then you remember this film got approval from two of Queen’s band members. No wonder, they’re practically portrayed as saints who arrive to work on time, leave parties early to be with their families and never do anything wrong. Meanwhile, Freddy’s character is dragged in the mud, portrayed as an unprofessional, narcissistic junkie. I don’t know what axe the band members they had to grind, but they must be petty to think this is how you treat your friend. Contrast that with Straight Outta Compton, which treated Easy-E with great respect, even with his misguided loyalty to his manager.

I pity the wasted talent of Malek, who gave a much better performance than this film deserved. This film leaves a bad taste in my mouth

·         THE FAVOURITE

Welcome to 18th Century England, where the kingdom is led by Queen Anne (Olivia Colman), a fussy brat trapped in a frail woman’s body. And she’s being led by Lady Sarah (Rachel Weisz), a proper lady who assists her with political decisions...and sexual pleasures. But then comes Abigail, a former lady forced into servitude after her father loses everything. But after healing the Queen’s infected leg, Abigail rises in the ranks, charming the Queen along the way. Thus, begins a battle of will for the favour of the queen. This battle catches the eye nobleman Harley, who seeks Abigail’s help so he can stop the war with France.

Alongside Christopher Nolan, Yorgos Lanthimos is the closest we are going to get to Kubrick. While Nolan’s influences lean toward 2001: A Space Odyssey, Lanthimos clearly draws from Barry Lyndon for this film. Like Kubrick, he presents a cold, distant presences in his films, from the cinematography to the low-key acting. It works for this film with every character maintaining a prim and proper demeanor while hiding their nefarious purposes.

Like Kubrick, Lanthimos has a dark sense of humour that exposes the absurdity of appearances. Throughout the film, we see noblemen and women misbehaving behind clothes door. But the biggest laugh come from the Queen herself. Colman must have been having a blast in this role as she throws one temper tantrums.

Like Kubrick, this director isn’t for everyone.

·         GREEN BOOK

Inspired by a true story.

When the nightclub he works in closes for renovations, Bouncer Tony Lip (Viggo Mortensen) has three ways to earn a living; win multiple eating contests, work for the mob or drive pianist Dr. Don Shirley (Mahershala Ali) across the Deep South for a music tour. He goes for the third choice. At first the two can’t get along, with Don not matching Tony’s preconceptions of black people and Don wishing Tony would try to act classier. But as Tony sees the shit Don must put up with, they come to form a friendship.

It still surprises me that this film was directed by the co-creator of Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary. But when you think about it, Peter Farrelly is the perfect director for this movie. Some of his films are road movies. If you look past the gross out jokes of his previous films, the biggest laughs come from the interactions between actors. Mortensen and Ali bounce off each other, creating believable interactions both funny and emotional.

It’s worth noting that after Mary, Peter and his brother Bobby tried to use their comedy style to create a more sensitive portrayals of marginalized groups, whether it’s the overweight (Shallow Hal) or conjoined twins (Stuck on You). The problem was they still making fat/disability jokes in between these sentimental moments; trying to have their cake and eat it too. It seems Peter has learned his lesson and turned his target on the type of people who would make fun of those who would make fun of these people. The film goes after Tony’s casual racism as he makes preconceived notions of Don, who serves as the straight man who corrects Tony. The film also takes some jabs at the so-called southern gentleman, exposing their phoniness when one host tries to pronounce Tony’s real name.

But if you take out the two actors, the film isn’t really anything special. It’s essentially Driving Ms. Daisy with the races reversed. You’ll enjoy the interactions, but it’s not as interesting as the other nominees.

·         ROMA

Alfonso Cuaron draws from his persona life to pay tribute to the maid who cared for his family.

Set in 1970s Mexico City, indigenous housekeeper Cleo (Yalitza Aparicio) cleans the house for Dr. Antonio (Fernando Grediaga), his wife Sofia (Marina de Tavira) and their four children Tono, Paco, Pepe, Sofi. She has practically become a member of the family. Their bond is tested when Cleo becomes pregnant and ends up abandoned by her martial arts loving boyfriend Fermin (Jorge Antonio Guerrero).

Slice of life stories must be one of the hardest type of stories to write. There’s no central goals or major conflict running that move the plot forward. There are little conflicts, but it’s just people going on their daily lives. Not only does a filmmaker face the challenge of making it look realistic, but to keep the audience engaged for two hours. Against these odds, Cuaron creates a beautiful portrait of family.

What helps is the actor’s performances. For her first role, Aparicio engages you with her sensitivity even when she’s just hanging clothes. The other actors match her every step of the way, feeling like a real family on screen.

But what truly sells the film is the beautiful black and white cinematography. Never has ordinary life looked so beautiful.

With these and Cuaron’s directing, the mundane becomes unforgettable. You remember the scene of Antonio trying to maneuver his car into the very tight garage. You remember Cleo and her friend running across Mexico City. You remember Cleo and Sofie’s mother picking out a crib. Little moments like these stay with you after you’ve finished watching it.

·         A STAR IS BORN

Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper) is a country superstar struggling with alcoholism and the effects of tinnitus. Ally (Lady Gaga) is a wannabee songwriter rejected by many record labels for her appearance. One night, Jackson was looking for a place to drink when he stumbles upon Ally singing at a drag bar. After spending a night together, Jackson finds his passion for music rekindled as he helps her musical potential. So as her star rises, Ally finds herself unable to stop Jackson’s downward spiral until it gets to the point where it hurts her career.

Cooper shows a lot of potential in his directorial debut. This being the third remake of the classic 1937 film, he makes the old story feel refreshing and new. First, he uses Ally’s rise to fame to examine the shallow world of modern pop. Ally struggles to maintain her sense of self as a record producer (Rafi Gavron) tries to make her in the image of a pop star.[4] All the time, Jackson keeps reminding her to always have something to say.

Then he makes Jackson a complicated character. A former act, you could imagine Cooper exercising his demons through his character. Never once does he back away from the ugliness of Jacksons addiction, leading to a cringe inducing scene where he humiliates himself at the Oscars. But you come to understand this stems from a troubled relationship with his late father. Plus, he always pushes Ally to do better.

Cooper gets a lot of great performances out of this. He and Gaga have excellent chemistry, making the love between Jackson and Ally feel genuine. A lot of comedians give excellent dramatic performances including Dave Chappelle as Jackson’s friend Noodles and Andrew Dice Clay getting his second wind as Ally’s unfiltered yet supportive father. But the key standout is Sam Elliott as Jackson’s older brother/manager Bobby. In a powerful scene, Bobby berates his brother for idolizing their deadbeat father while never showing him any appreciation for his help.

On second viewing, I noticed the visual style. The colour red shines in moments of passion, starting with Jackson and Ally’s first date. The one little moment where Cooper’s storytelling skills shine is when Jackson makes a ring for her. When he puts it on her finger, all the sound fades out, with only a piano tune heard.

If he can keep this up, he is sure to become an extraordinary director.

·         VICE

Adam McKay seems determined to reinvent the biopic. With the rise of Vice President Dick Cheney (Christian Bale), he decided to experiment with storytelling. First, he has the story told by some middle-class family man (Jesse Plemons), not revealing his identity until late in the film. He uses the narrator to explain how certain aspects of politics work and the consequences Cheney’s politics have on America. Throughout the film, he undercuts the film with skits here and there. There some funny moments like one scene where the film demonstrates Cheney’s power of persuasion with him suggesting to fellow politicians to tie bows to their dicks and flap them around the white house. Other times, they fall flat, especially the post credit sequence. It feels like he was throwing everything at the wall and not even wait to see what sticks.

It doesn’t help that he’s still trying to make a straight forward biopic. Another example of trying to have your cake and eat it too. It results in an uneven, unfocused tone.

What I find interesting about the film is how we watch Cheney progress. At first, he is an alcoholic electrician who blew his chances at Yale. At first, you’re sympathetic to him as his wife forces him to clean himself up. As he goes into politics, he becomes intriguing as he finds himself comfortable as second in command to Donald Rumsfeld (Steve Carell). But when you see his policies and their consequences, your sympathy wanes. Then he grows more and more repulsive, even throwing his daughter Mary (Alison Pill) under the bus so his other daughter Liz (Lily Rabe) can win a Congressional position. You can’t help but feel anger at his actions, especially with the lack of remorse he has for his actions.

Who Will Win?

It’s a one on one between Green Book and Roma. The safe bet seems to be Green Book, but many want Roma to win.

[1] Personally, I thought the lack of motivation in the first hour was necessary for us to understand the traditions T’Challa and his family holds so dear.

[2] While this is a clear shot at Trump, this may as well be referencing Nixon, who stated he started the Drug War because “I couldn’t arrest people for being black.”

[3] Also, does anyone notice the band members never age even though this takes place over a decade?

[4] It’s kind of ironic for Ally to be resistant to flashy gimmicks when Lady Gaga is well known for her over the top costume designs.

[thenicedolphin]

Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2018 Edition!

We are BACK. And earlier than ever (I don’t know if that’s true, but compared to last year) with the 6th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt provides eye-opening, awe-inspiring commentary while Alex stumbles in, rambling about how Deadpool deserves all the Oscars even though it came out two years ago. As always, Matt is in regular font, and Alex comes in with the BOLD.

 Best Picture: “Call Me by Your Name” “Darkest Hour” “Dunkirk” “Get Out” “Lady Bird” “Phantom Thread” “The Post” “The Shape of Water” “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

 It’s been an unconventional year for nominees. The Shape of Water and Three Billboards are surprising leading contenders, as both are divisive. A lot of my friends loved one and disliked the other. I’m pro-Shape and anti-Billboards.

 So unconventional. For me, the movies fall into two distinct tiers: Get Out and Not Get Out. We need more nuance than that? Okay, here’s how it breaks down:

Simply the best: Get Out Some level of greatness: Lady Bird, The Shape of Water, Phantom Thread Good, but not great: Call Me by Your Name, Dunkirk Shitty, yet inoffensive: The Post Makes Crash look like Do the Right Thing: Three Billboards (I’m not typing out the whole title)

I didn’t see Darkest Hour. In fact, I just learned that it’s not called “The Darkest Hours.” Faithful TND readers will know that I appreciate some economy when it comes to naming shit, but if I wanted to see a great Churchill impression, I’d just watch old YouTube clips of Jay Pharoah.

 The Shape of Water is a really beautiful film. The lead characters are all really memorable, and the look of the film had me in awe at different moments. The filmmaking and storytelling took a premise that was almost predictable and majorly elevated it. I preferred Shape of Water to Del Toro’s previous major-nominated film, Pan’s Labyrinth. Shape of Water is probably my third favorite film of the nominees, behind Get Out and Lady Bird.

 Yooooooo she fucked a fish! More than once! I loved how everyone was so nonchalant about it too. Like, when she first sees the fish, she IMMEDIATELY starts seducing it. When Octavia Spencer hears about it, instead of being horrified, she’s all “ayo, how’s his dick work?” I’m not even exaggerating.

The movie was a bit off-putting at first, but once you realize it’s more of a fairy tale than a grounded, sci-fi film, the wacky elements really come together to tell a nice little story. Watching this, I was like “damn, why does Matt love this movie so much?” Then I saw the fish doin a little Broadway shuffle in black and white. “All. The pieces. Fit.” - Lester Freamon

Also, those pies looked disgusting. I’m glad it turned out they were supposed to be gross, because I was seriously doubting my ability to judge a pie for a minute there.

 Get Out is basically a perfect story. I’ve seen it twice and the second time helped to reinforce that. The story is so clever, the references and nuances so plentiful, the genre-bending and mix of humor and horror so well-played. The race elements are incredible - every element of a black boyfriend meeting his white girlfriend’s family are played perfectly. Every line that hints at the underlying horror of this super-white community play as both funny and horrifying satire. There are so many layers included in the lines about black male stereotypes of virility and athletic ability.

 Get Out is super fun too. Lil Rel Howery has an amazing role - that dude cracked me up. Daniel Kaluuya handles his role really well, and Allison Williams does a good job leaning into her Girls role. And Bradley Whitford… nothing like TWO obnoxious white guy performances (douchey board member in The Post) to offset his West Wing persona.

 It won’t win (the Academy hates ball-jiggling), but Get Out is the best film of 2017, assuming Deadpool really came out in 2016. Like Matt said, it’s equal parts hilarious and horrifying, while still getting its point across in a way that feels natural and never forced. Get Out holds up on a re-watch as well. If anything, it’s a totally different experience, as so much of what you see/what is said takes on a new meaning.

 Lady Bird is near perfect too. While I love Moonlight, Get Out and Lady Bird are both films that are a lot more enjoyable for me to rewatch and enjoy the depths of. They are also both not Oscar-conventional films, which unfortunately leads them not to have much of a shot at winning Best Picture. A shame, considering both were basically the best reviewed of 2017.

 Lady Bird is a great film. I loathe coming-of-age movies, but Lady Bird manages to keep things realistic and for the most part avoids caricatures, tropes, and plot beats common to the genre. As someone who went to Catholic high school, I was prepared for the hackiest of jokes, but aside from the awful “abortion assembly” scene (which was still necessary to move the plot forward), I wasn’t even mad.

HAVING SAID THAT, it’s no Get Out and it’s certainly no Moonlight. No shit it’s easier to re-watch. Let’s Be Cops is easier to re-watch than Moonlight too, but does that mean it’s better? No! Lady Bird tells a small story and tells it well, but it’s not a life-spanning epic where a boy, a teen, and a man who looks like 50 Cent discover truths about themselves, the people in their lives, and their environments in a beautiful, heart-rending way.

 You’d think Lady Bird would be another Juno (and I love Juno!), but it is less cute and better written. And better acted too… Saiorse Ronan’s acting goes way beyond Ellen Page’s. Lady Bird, like Get Out, has no wasted scenes. Callback lines at a plethora. A perfect grasp of its era (2002-2003 school year) that definitely connected for a 2005 high school graduate like myself. The brilliance of Lady Bird is that it takes all its characters seriously while being a really funny movie, such as the nun/Lady Bird’s advisor who isn’t played for a stereotype. Lady Bird’s various love interests and friends are well-acted, full personalities. I think about the cool girl she gets to know, who could have just been treated as a bimbo, but definitely isn’t treated as such.

 I did think this was going to be another Juno. Not that I’ve seen Juno, but man that movie looked awful.

 Lady Bird is a confident story. It’ll make you laugh, knowing that in like 10 seconds you’ll want to cry and feel emotional.

 Matt cried several times.

 The acting is all great… Saiorse is a star, and Laurie Metcalf is awesome as her mom. Supporting characters all crush it, whether her brother, brother’s girlfriend, her lovable dad, or her classmates.

 Let’s contrast that with Three Billboards. Three Billboards is the third film of longtime playwright Martin McDonagh. I love his first film, In Bruges. McDonagh makes films that are dark, dark comedies. While this worked well with In Bruges, I found that Billboards was far too jarring tonally and too ambitious for its own good.

 Let’s call Three Billboards what it is: a steaming pile of crap. This was the worst movie I’ve seen in a long time -- and I’ve seen All the Money in the World! And La La Land!

The movie Matt lovingly referred to as “Three Shitstains” was starting to get some backlash for the tone-deaf way it took on race in America, but that was only like, the fifth worst thing about it. The tone was terrible. It wasn’t a “dark comedy,” but a bunch of dark shit with some awful slapstick thrown in the mix. At least the Three Stooges have DIGNITY.

 The acting is great, and Billboards has gotten many acting nominations as a result.

 This movie was so poorly written, I can’t even tell if the acting was good. It wasn’t enough for Rockwell to be a typical racist, angry, small town momma’s boy; he had to be Forrest Gump on top of that. McDormand was written as this tough-as-nails badass, but that’s not who she was at all. The billboards were pathetic, not some masterstroke. Woody lets the air out of that shit five minutes into the movie when he reveals that they legit worked on the case and nothing turned up. The rest of the characters were so 2-D they wouldn’t have passed muster in The Lego Movie (more on that later).

 The movie is far too uneven. It’s possibly the least rewatchable Best Picture movie as a result, though I do wonder if a second viewing will go better.

 It won’t.

 Billboards is about a mother whose daughter was raped and murdered, angry that the local police haven’t found the killer yet, leading her to call out the police chief in the titular billboards. Within the story, we have a temperamental, racist cop played by Rockwell, who the police chief thinks can become a better person. We have themes of race and violence. We have an abusive ex-husband. And we have clashing tones that don’t work, almost saved by excellent acting. Almost.

 (It wasn’t that close.)

 In Bruges had themes about depression and acts of violence that were really well thought out, where the character’s darkness was respected while there were still hilarious scenes throughout. Three Billboards bites off more than it can chew with the racist, violent cop (who, before the movie’s story takes place, was infamous for torturing a black guy in the jail), attempting a redemption arc that fails to satisfy. In the end, I felt like I just had to accept that the movie was treating his arc as redemption and ignoring several unforgivable things he did that weren’t given the full  attention they deserved. It gave me flashbacks to the racist white cop story in Crash. Can redemption work? Yes. Can it work if you write your story poorly? Nah dawg.

 Billboards gets too cute with its humor clashing with violence… I think of a scene of spousal abuse cutting to a joke mid-scene. It is also unclear and lacking in confidence on how much we’re supposed to like or dislike the main characters - I could not tell if McDonagh wanted us to like or dislike Frances McDormand’s motives or tell-off speeches in various scenes. And the movie is worse for it.

 This is the ultimate “fake deep” movie. It’s got bullshit posing as poignancy with enough stupidity thrown in (McDormand kicking kids in the crotch, midget jokes) so dumbasses can latch onto it to feel smart.

 Lastly, a common note I’ve seen is how McDonagh, who has lived in Ireland/England most of his life, wrote this script in 2010, prior to the Black Lives Matter movement, prior to Ferguson/Trayvon Martin. And.. it definitely shows in the script.

 Beyond that, McDonagh wants to show us “real” America, but nothing about the movie is remotely realistic or has even the faintest whiff of consequence.

 One more gripe: Woody Harrelson’s character’s wife is played by an Australian actress who seems just to be a casting favorite of McDonagh’s. And she keeps her Australian accent… despite being the wife of a police chief in rural Missouri. What? How does that make sense?

 It doesn’t.

They should’ve gotten the bear from Paddington 2 to play Chief Willoughby, if only because we’d get the line “You got a real nice cock, Mr. Paddington.”

 After my top tier of Get Out, Lady Bird, and The Shape of Water, I dug Phantom Thread, Dunkirk, and Call Me By Your Name next.

 I’d bump Phantom Thread up into that top tier, but I ain’t mad. (I’m a little mad).

 Phantom Thread surprised me. It didn’t have much buzz because it was released late, and the trailer didn’t really intrigue me. I shouldn’t have second-guessed Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Thomas Anderson. Phantom Thread is well-acted (anchored by three great performances), and PTA is a master of filmmaking. This film is darkly comical at times (and in that weird PTA way where most of the audience I was with did not get that aspect), and it is delightful. DDL… what a legend.

 Every time I think about Phantom Thread I like it more. Shit is HILARIOUS. Once you realize it’s a rom-com with some fancy trappings, it gets a lot more enjoyable. Some of the most biting insults of the year are in here, and if you’ve never seen someone use asparagus to humiliate their significant other, you owe it to yourself to watch Phantom Thread.

I was in a theater with two other people, one of whom looked borderline homeless, so he might’ve just been there to chill. Still, I was the only one cracking up, which made me feel alone, but smart.

Personal note: When I saw Phantom Thread, I was initially at the theater to see The Post, but the projector broke. Now my MoviePass history has The Post listed twice and Phantom Thread not at all, which is completely inaccurate. I just want this known, so if I die or something and my MoviePass app gets made public, please don’t think I liked The Post that much (or at all). PLEASE BELIEVE ME

 Dunkirk was breathtaking in IMAX and a “big” film marvel. It looks incredible, and the action is spectacular, intense, and visceral. Of course, Nolan puts a twist on the storytelling with his structure, and it makes the plot super dramatic and unique. I thought it was a really fun, intense movie, but it loses points for being less memorable afterward. The characters aren’t as impactful (though well-acted), and this is lower in my Nolan films (TDK, Inception, Memento, Batman Begins, Interstellar, and then let’s start considering Dunkirk).

After sifting through indie flicks like Call Me Maybe by Your Name, Lady Bird, and Three Billboards, you really start to appreciate Hollywood production values. Dunkirk looks fantastic. The wide shots, the desolation of the beach, the aerial shots with the ocean in the background -- all beautiful.

 Beyond the visuals, each individual scene contains great tension, as the soldiers are put into scenario after scenario of terror. However, when you start to stack those scenes up, the larger story never really comes together.

 Spoilers

 The story of Dunkirk is basically “We can’t get out! Oh wait...we can get out now.” The actual rescue scenes are so easily done that it kind of undercuts much of the drama preceding it. Also, my man Georgie...what are you even doing??? His is the most pathetic on-screen death in recent memory. Even the soldiers are mocking him! Had to re-watch The Killing of a Sacred Deer just to get the taste of laughter out of my mouth.

 Spoilers over

 Call Me By Your Name was anchored by a great romance story and a beautiful atmosphere. I wanted to live in that Italian town and eat dinners and read by the lake. The Sufjan songs are typically excellent, and really fit the tone of the movie. Timothée Chalamet as Elio anchors the film, and he nails it as an adolescent teen trying to sort out his sexuality. Armie Hammer is good too, and Michael Stuhlbarg is wonderful as Elio’s compassionate father.

 Big year for people fucking fruit in the movies! When dude starts fingering that peach I’m like “this is kinda sexual…” Little did I know, right? Decent crowd in the theater and only one other person laughed at this and when Elio puts Oliver’s stanky-ass swimming trunks on his head like a horny Dumbo.

Disappointed in myself because I enjoyed a Sufjan Stevens song. “Visions of Gideon” is a certified banger. I was jamming out over the ending credits when it slowly dawned on me that I was listening to Sufjan. Cried myself to sleep that night.

Feels weird to say, but this movie needed to show pipe. How you gonna have a movie about a dude discovering his sexuality with another dude and cut away to a tree branch when they finally do the dew? What a cop-out! Matt helpfully reminded me that they can’t show hard D without getting an NC-17 rating, but still. There were enough shots of them peeing, etc to where we could’ve gotten a peek. The hypocrisy was on full display during the one male/female sex scene when of course they show the tittays.

 Last we have The Post and Darkest Hour, which are in my last tier with Three Billboards. Both are solid flicks that I’m cool with getting Best Picture nominations, though I would have preferred seeing Mudbound or The Florida Project get some love here (I, Tonya was also good, but I’m fine with it not making it).

 I, Tonya was far better than The Post and Three Billboards (I avoided seeing Dankest Hour in favor of getting a head start on the 2019 Oscar post). Also, I wanna give some love to Detroit! It came out forever ago to no fanfare, but it’s a great flick that everyone should see. Brutal, heartbreaking, poignant, and sadly all-too-relevant in today’s times.

 The Post has two main stories, and I much preferred the story of these reporters looking for the Pentagon Papers and researching/writing things vs the Kay Graham story. While I think that Kay Graham was a legend who held a great influence throughout her career, I’m not sure how deftly her story was handled. The Post feels like if someone chose to do a movie telling the story of SNL in the mid-2000s and the movie focused on 1. The cast working to satirize George W. Bush and other political figures and 2. A subplot where women kept approaching Tina Fey to tell her how brave she was for becoming the first female headwriter of the show. Throwing two separate stories like that together? Not a great combo.

 You might say it’s “the Cyclops of white movies.”

 Also, The Post chooses to play up Kay’s story in ways that I didn’t enjoy. Spielberg made this film quickly and wanted it out by the end of 2017 because of the current political atmosphere, and the script overplays it. I didn’t need the movie emphasizing her influence on women as much as it did. (Spoilers: scenes like the government counsel’s staffer recognizing her and commending her at SCOTUS, or her being ignored by the press while leaving, as a crowd of women fawn over her walking by).

 The Post takes some fascinating source material and tells it in the boringest way possible. Kay Graham’s involvement in this seriously the least interesting thing about it. Literally anything else would’ve made a better movie: them writing the Pentagon Papers, them acquiring the papers, the Post vs. the Times, writing the stories, the ensuing legal battle/victory. Who gives a shit about some wrinkly old white woman suddenly deciding to grow a spine?

Unfortunately, this was the ONLY thing Spielberg cared about. The rest of the film was embarrassingly low-quality. That war scene in the beginning? Shit looked like something out of a sitcom flashback. Tom Hanks’ character was insufferable and his Tim-Allen-as-Batman accent did not help. I think they got the protest rally shots from an old That 70s Show B-roll. The trifecta of Tom Hanks’ wife literally having to state the thesis of the movie (“It’s hard being a woman!”), a young woman of color getting chewed out by her old, white boss (like we didn’t just spend two hours watching Hanks say way worse things to his staff), and Meryl’s “angel from Heaven” descent down the courthouse steps was awful. Also Carrie Coon announcing the court decision only to get interrupted by some fat white guy we’ve never seen before was the final bizarre decision in a movie full of them.

 The Post felt like a pretty safe Oscar film that had some good parts and some mixed parts. It had some on-the-nose scenes and some inexplicable scenes. It also had one of the cornier last scenes that I’ve seen in recent years…

 Darkest Hour is similar. Solid, safe film with flaws. Oldman is awesome as Winston Churchill, and the political behind-the-scenes leading up to and during Dunkirk are really intriguing. And that’s most of the film, so it works really well. The film fails to have many good supporting characters, such as Lily James in a thankless role as Churchill’s assistant, being given plot/backstory whenever it’s relevant to Churchill’s storyline. The movie also suffers from some meandering towards the end.

 Darkest Hour? Gary Old Man? Yeah, I’m good.

 I really enjoyed Mudbound, which may have lost some buzz by being a Netflix film. Netflix has gotta work on that. It’s still not a pitch-perfect film with some boring parts in the first half, but man, that last quarter of the film really hits hard. Meanwhile, The Florida Project aimed higher and had higher highs (how many times can I write high (CAN WE GET MUCH HIGHER)). Though it struggles when there were too many scenes of the kids playing around, the themes and its unique subject matter are so, so good. Its creativity and boldness were refreshing too. I gotta check out Tangerine by the same director, Sean Baker.

 Tangerine is great! Donut Time is closed down though :(

 Director: “Dunkirk,” Christopher Nolan “Get Out,” Jordan Peele “Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig “Phantom Thread,” Paul Thomas Anderson “The Shape of Water,” Guillermo del Toro

 It looks like del Toro should win it, and he would be worthy. His vision and execution were marvelous. It’s such a visual treat, from the design of the monster, to the fashion and decor, to the feel of the scenes.

 What a visual treat it was to see a fish gettin it in! I wouldn’t be mad at a GDT win here. Solid economy of storytelling, and the overall vision, themes, and motifs all worked together to create a great sense of feeling and wonderment, which you need when you’re making a movie about fish love.

 Nolan was awesome per usual, with some amazing action and jaw-dropping uses of real stunts and IMAX cameras. I’m glad he got his first directing nod.

 Typical Nolan: dope visuals and a lot of overwrought music drowning out boring characters and a weak story.

 Gerwig and Peele are both amazing talents who made brilliant first feature films. I guess Best Director doesn’t usually go to simpler films (see: Inarritu’s dumb back-to-back wins for spectacle films). But man they were good at their craft.

 If I had my druthers, I’d give it to my man Jordan Peele. His was a truly singular vision helped along by deft world-building and a perfect tonal balance. The exact opposite of Martin McDonagh’s work on Three Billboards. Greta Gerwig did a nice job, but she’s no Peele.

 PTA is awesome too. He apparently also worked on the cinematography with the rest of his crew, which is cool.

 PTA did his thing on ‘em, bringing his unique flavor of dark humor mixed with some heavy emotional content.

 Mainly, I’m just glad Martin McDonagh didn’t get a nod here.

 Lead Actor: Timothée Chalamet, “Call Me by Your Name” Daniel Day-Lewis, “Phantom Thread” Daniel Kaluuya, “Get Out” Gary Oldman, “Darkest Hour” Denzel Washington, “Roman J. Israel, Esq.”

 Oldman is the favorite, both for a notable impersonation and his entire body of work. Oldman is a great actor, and I can’t fault him getting the award. I did enjoy his performance and the movie’s flaws are not because of it. One note: I haven't seen The Queen yet to see if he’s that much better as Churchill than John Lithgow, but cmon, how impressive is it when a bunch of dudes are able to play Churchill?

 Oldman is just that -- an old man. Maybe die already and let some youngbloods get their shine??? Just kidding, I have nothing against Commissioner Gordon. I’m sure he did great here and now has a go-to Halloween costume for later this year to boot.

 I prefer Chalamet’s detailed and nuanced in his portrayal of Elio. Chalamet just nails all the facial tics and body language, along with crushing scenes when asked (the film literally relies on his facial reactions during portions of the film).

 Chalamet was great! Him crying into the camera as the credits rolled could’ve nuked the entire movie, but it didn’t. So much of the context and depth in “Call Me by Your Name, Daddy” is internal, and the fact that Chalamet was able to get that across to the audience is a real testament to his performance. Also, he banged a peach in real life! That was some method acting!

 I love me some Daniel Day, and if this is his actual last role, then bravo. He is brilliant as a fashion designer who is super picky and unique. He’s such a prick at times, he’s such a baby at times, and he’s so funny all the way through. I get that they want to reward someone else. But man… DDL is the best.

 If they ever cross paths, I hope DDL and Chalamet compare notes. DDL: “I learned how to create 1950s-style women’s dresses by hand and actually made a few dozen which I then sold to wealthy aristocrats.” Chalamet: “I put my thing in some fresh fruit and sniffed a guy’s butthole!”

Also, shoutout to the casting director who tapped DDL to play Reynolds Woodcock. How fuggin easy was her job? “Ya know, we really should get DDL to play this part.” “Great job! He fit the role perfectly!”

 Kaluuya is really good in Get Out, though I prefer Chalamet/DDL over him. I’m glad that he got a nod for what might normally just be viewed as a horror movie role. Kaluuya’s emotional backstory is key to the film, and he does a great job showing the pain of his past and how it helps form his character’s decisions. Otherwise, Get Out is less an acting showcase than the other films, so less of a ceiling.

 It really is great to see a horror movie get this level of love and legitimization. Between Get Out and It, I hope Hollywood production companies realize that actually investing in the horror genre is a profitable move and as a consequence, we continue to see more (and better) horror flicks.

 I didn’t see Denzel’s performance. But I think it’s funny that he got this random nod sorta like how Meryl Streep gets nods for just about any role. People just love Denzel at this point. Franco might have deserved the nod for The Disaster Artist, where he was both hilariously weird yet held gravitas as the crazy Tommy Wiseau.

 *nods*

No Hugh Jackman (Logan)??? No anyone from Detroit??? Yuck.

 Lead Actress: Sally Hawkins, “The Shape of Water” Frances McDormand, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” Margot Robbie, “I, Tonya” Saoirse Ronan, “Lady Bird” Meryl Streep, “The Post”

 First, I think it’s a shame that Vicky Krieps didn’t get nominated for anchoring Phantom Thread with her role as tortured love interest, Alma. Krieps fills Alma’s personality with timidity, daring, ambition, and man, she’s good. She’s more of a main character than DDL at times, and she holds her own. Krieps went from an unknown to American audiences to having to spar with one of the greatest actors of all time. And she crushed it! I wonder if she was hurt by the film being released late. More people should be talking about this performance.

 Vicky Krieps is fantastic. Like Matt said, she went toe-to-toe with DDL and matched him in every scene, never getting lost in the shuffle. She’s gotta be amused with everyone treating her like a no-name newcomer though, since she’s apparently already a star in Poland or wherever the fuck she’s from.

 McDormand appears to be the frontrunner, and I thought she was really good. I prefer Saoirse Ronan and Sally Hawkins though. McDormand has a super showy role, and I’m guessing her win was clinched by her various speeches and rants throughout the film. She’s really good. I just don’t like the character due to the writing.

 Ugh, McDormand. I guess she was fine. Like I mentioned earlier, her character was so poorly constructed and written, I have no idea if the acting’s any good. Besides Meryl Streep, she’s definitely the worst on here. Streep actually suffered from some of the same issues as McDormand. Her character’s arc is such a drag that the movie came to a screeching halt every time she popped up on screen. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that Streep and Hanks filmed that breakfast convo on separate coasts.

 Ronan is a huge talent, and she’s perfect as Lady Bird. She’s funny, emotional, and a fully-realized teenager. Lady Bird will go down as one of the most famous heroines - I have no doubt.

 Since my girl Vicky Krieps didn’t even get a nom, I’ll be pulling for Ronan.

 Hawkins is magnetic as Elisa. She was limited as a mute character, but presented herself so well with body language, sign language, and charm. Hawkins imbues her character with such optimism and hope. She treats her friends with such warmth. And she has to portray her interest opposite an actor inside a costume, who also can’t speak. I mean, that’s carrying a lot, and she is brilliant.

 To Hawkins’ credit, you really do believe she wants to fuck that fish. Like, there is NO DOUBT. She must’ve been channeling her inner-Chalamet between takes.

 Margot Robbie is really good as Tonya Harding and the best part of the movie for me, moreso than Allison Janney (more on that below), though it’s laughable when she has to play a teenager. One scene of note is her preparing for a performance in front of a mirror. It’s one of those acting showcases that really impresses, and she does it well.

 Margot Robbie was great as Tonya Harding. I didn’t realize not only how hated Harding was back then, but how hated she is now! I brought this movie up to several people and each was like “UGH! Why would I want to see a movie about Tonya Harding -- she’s the devil! I hate her!” Why would anyone still be mad about this? First of all, it’s figure skating. Second of all, it happened twenty-five years ago, and third of all, Nancy Kerrigan was fine! Get over it, sheeple! Just don’t get me started on the tragedy of Michelle Kwan -- now THAT’S something to still be upset over.

 I would replace Streep with Krieps in a heartbeat. Yes, Streep is good as Kay Graham, but Krieps is better, and Streep is the worst of these 5. Honestly, if Kay Graham had been played by Frances McDormand, she would not have been nominated. Streep got the nomination because she’s Meryl Streep.

 This might be Matt’s hottest take and it’s 100% correct. /shocked emoji

 Supporting Actor: Willem Dafoe, “The Florida Project” Woody Harrelson, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” Richard Jenkins, “The Shape of Water” Christopher Plummer, “All the Money in the World” Sam Rockwell, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

 Rockwell is expected to win, and he’s pretty good. I can’t get over his character arc though. This character is just… it’s weird! It doesn’t make any sense. Rockwell is a great actor though, and he does the best he can. He’s awesome.

 /copy-and-pastes paragraph about Frances McDormand

 I love Dafoe’s performance more. The Florida Project’s cast was filled with new actors, and that was mostly good, but Dafoe was amazing. He’s got his scenes here and there, and he makes the screen pop whenever he shows up. Just a genuine good, imperfect dude, managing a hotel.

 This movie looked awful. I don’t know if I’m just bitter or I’m suffering from trailer fatigue, but with the exception of Mission Impossible: Fallout and Black Panther, I haven’t seen a single trailer where I didn’t think “this movie looks like trash.” Even for good movies! Step ya trailer game up, Hollywood.

 Woody Harrelson was good, but it’s a little silly that his role got in over Hammer or Stuhlbarg in Call Me By Your Name or Michael Shannon in Shape of Water. I didn’t catch Plummer in his role.

 I’m serious: replace Woody with Paddington and the movie is immediately 25% better. Woody was fine, but yeah what the shit. Also, Armie Hammer was...not great. Dude was two seconds away from doing a Tiger Woods fistpump after suckin’ Elio’s cannoli. Get it together, man.

 Plummer was good considering he’s like 90 (a true Old Man) and did all his shit in like a week in front of a green screen. You’d think him being a last-second replacement for Kevin Spacey would be distracting, but the movie’s so bad you don’t really care. Actually, we should go back and replace Spacey with Christopher Plummer in everything! Imagine Plummer bringing his elder statesman gravitas to American Beauty or Horrible Bosses.

 Jenkins was great in The Shape of Water. Really good supporting character and friend to Elisa. The supporting cast in Shape of Water was generally awesome.

 Supporting Actress: Mary J. Blige, “Mudbound” Allison Janney, “I, Tonya” Lesley Manville, “Phantom Thread” Laurie Metcalf, “Lady Bird” Octavia Spencer, “The Shape of Water”

 Janney seems to be the frontrunner, though this seems like the only one of 4 categories where people think there may be an upset. Metcalf is so good in Lady Bird, varying from tough mom to loving mom.

 Truly great range.

 Janney got a lot of hype, and I ended up feeling underwhelmed by her performance. She disappears for a lot of the film after a showy start, and I ended up being much more into the performances of Robbie and Sebastian Stan.

 Man, GTFOOHWTMFBS. She “disappears” for a lot of the film because the story goes elsewhere; it’s not like she’s turning in a half-forgettable performance. Plus, that criticism is meaningless when Queen Elizabeth can win one for like 8 minutes of screen time. Janney is great in this film, giving a performance that’s far from one-note, more nuanced than she’s getting credit for, and 100% real.

 I preferred Manville’s role as the DDL’s sharp sister in Phantom Thread. She’s really good without ever being too showy.

 This is the one nominee I won’t be mad at for beating Janney (well, her and Mary J, because how could I ever be mad at Mary J?). Manville crushes it as Woodcock’s sister and business manager. She delivers scathing insults with that Woodcockian gumption and provides some humanity in the face of DDL’s artistic vanity without falling into the Jekyll/Hyde dichotomy. She keeps it as real as Reynolds, but is just wired a bit differently.

 Spencer is another key supporting role in The Shape of Water, and she’s another terrific friend to Elisa. I also enjoyed her calling out her husband - he needs to get his act together!

 Yeah, dude has to turn in his sack after that FBI agent ran roughshod over his household.

 Mary J is really solid in Mudbound, though I was much more into the roles of Jason Mitchell (Eazy-E!) and Garrett Hedlund, the main relationship of the film.

 Original Screenplay: “The Big Sick,” Emily V. Gordon & Kumail Nanjiani “Get Out,” Jordan Peele “Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig “The Shape of Water,” Guillermo del Toro, Vanessa Taylor “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Martin McDonagh

 It’s so cool to see The Big Sick get a nomination here. My main gripe about the movie is that it gets a little long. But it’s a really good adaptation of a real-life story, filled with funny scenes mixed with good emotion. Big Sick is such a lovely film. It’s got great performances too by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter. And the cultural stuff is really neat to see on-screen.

 The Big Sick is the one movie I really regret not getting to. If only there was a way I could still watch it...

 Get Out’s script is amazing. I hope it wins. It seems like it’s between it and Billboards, which definitely doesn’t deserve a win.

 Get Out should get TWO wins here. One for Lil Rel’s dialogue and one for the rest of it. You aren’t getting this kind of quality anywhere else. A true original. If Three Billboards somehow wins this I’m gonna rent three billboards to talk about how shitty that movie is. “How Come Chief Paddington?”

 I’m bummed Lady Bird seems like it won’t get any wins (fingers crossed on Metcalf), and it’s second here for me after Get Out. Shape of Water is great, but the script isn’t what gets me the most.

 I don’t think I need to tell you what about The Shape of Water gets Matt the most.

 Adapted Screenplay: “Call Me by Your Name,” James Ivory “The Disaster Artist,” Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber “Logan,” Scott Frank & James Mangold and Michael Green “Molly’s Game,” Aaron Sorkin “Mudbound,” Virgil Williams and Dee Rees

 Shoutout to LOGAN! First major nod for a comic book movie I think. Awesome. It was a great sendoff for a famous pairing (Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart as Logan and Xavier). Here’s hoping we get some more nods next year for Black Panther (and hopefully if Infinity War is good).

 LOGAN! We made it, fam! Logan was a great flick. So happy to see Wolverine finally done right on the big screen. If they’d have tightened up the post-X23 battle portion of the movie, I’d be clamoring for it to get a Best Picture nom.

 Call Me by Your Name was really well-done. A cool tidbit is that Sufjan Stevens convinced the director to take out the narration from the book (though I guess that would be a knock on the screenplay, probably?).

 After Matt hit me with some details from the Call Me by Your Name and I Will Call You by My Name book, I’m even more thankful to Sufjan. Really didn’t need to see these guys taking massive dumps in front of each other while the camera pans to Elio’s dad crying, with his shirt pulled over his nose.

 Disaster Artist was a really fun movie about a really wacky story. It managed to get the right amount of comedy and emotion into it. From what I’ve read, Mudbound seems to have done some good work changing aspects of the book, including adding more viewpoints for the black family members. It’s still a bit shaky in the first half.

 Molly’s Game was a mixed bag. Sorkin seemed to have his usual strengths and minuses… and the minuses were big. I don’t get why he shoehorns a father-child relationship into all of his scripts. This one was particularly unnecessary and detracted from the storyline.

 I didn’t get to Disaster Artist or Molly’s Game. Sorkin’s scripts are more bloated than Bridge of Spies’ runtime.

 Film Editing: “Baby Driver,” Jonathan Amos, Paul Machliss “Dunkirk,” Lee Smith “I, Tonya,” Tatiana S. Riegel “The Shape of Water,” Sidney Wolinsky “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Jon Gregory

 Baby Driver! That’s a cool nomination right there. The film’s weakest part is the story, so I’m all for any movie-making nominations it gets, and the editing was crisp.

 Props to Baby Driver for being really cool and really dumb at the same time. That’s hard to do!

 Dunkirk is the win for me here. A lot of the movie relies on the jumping around of timelines, and the movie really nails it there.

 Does it though? There were three timelines/points of action, but Nolan did a slopfest of a job tying them together. Should’ve given Billy Walsh a truckload of fresh fruit and let him get a crack at the dailies.

 Cinematography: “Blade Runner 2049,” Roger Deakins “Darkest Hour,” Bruno Delbonnel “Dunkirk,” Hoyte van Hoytema “Mudbound,” Rachel Morrison “The Shape of Water,” Dan Laustsen

 Oh snap, that’s DEAKINS’ music. People think Deakins will finally win here after being nominated 14 times. Here’s some great footage of his best work. I still don’t completely understand cinematography, but it does seem like he lost a few times for movies that were more visual effects than cinematography (e.g. Life of Pi).

 Deak tha Freak! Didn’t see Blade Runner 2049 because I’m not a nerd, but I got love for Deakins, so sure, give it up for him. Don’t even talk to me about Life of Pi. Fuck Pissing Patel and fuck you too!

 As for this specific film, Blade Runner 2049 is beautiful, and he appears to have done some incredible work himself on the film (as opposed to other visual effects people). It looks amazing in some scenes, the lighting is great, and the world is fully-realized.

 Shape of Water and Dunkirk are my next favorites. Both look really good.

 Of the two I’ve seen, Dunkirk probably deserves this over The Shape of Water. Its visuals were the best thing it had going on. At least The Shape of Water has fish peen to fall back on.

 Animated Feature: “The Boss Baby,” Tom McGrath, Ramsey Ann Naito “The Breadwinner,” Nora Twomey, Anthony Leo “Coco,” Lee Unkrich, Darla K. Anderson “Ferdinand,” Carlos Saldanha “Loving Vincent,” Dorota Kobiela, Hugh Welchman, Sean Bobbitt, Ivan Mactaggart, Hugh Welchman

 BOSS BABY. But nah I’ve only seen Coco. Coco is so good. It reminds me of Inside Out for how mature and emotional it is. Its themes of family and death and memory are on point. It’s also really fun and colorful, AND it’s got awesome culture with Dia de Las Muertas.

 Haven’t seen any of this shit. Maybe I’m racist, but Coco looks boring as hell. Just Moana but Mexican instead of Polynesian.

Also, how did The Lego Batman Movie not get ANY love? That was probably the third best Batman movie of all-time (Batman and Batman Begins being the top two)! I’m STILL mad at The Lego Movie not getting nominated for Best Animated Feature when it was a dark horse for Best Picture! The Lego Movie is the Michelle Kwan of animated movies.

Original Song: “Mighty River” from “Mudbound,” Mary J. Blige “Mystery of Love” from “Call Me by Your Name,” Sufjan Stevens “Remember Me” from “Coco,” Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez “Stand Up for Something” from “Marshall,” Diane Warren, Common “This Is Me” from “The Greatest Showman,” Benj Pasek, Justin Paul

 SUFJANNNNNNNNNN. When I first wrote this, I was bummed because I thought he wasn’t performing. You can imagine my joy when it was announced that he WAS.

 Can’t wait for Suf to walk onstage with a big butterfly outfit while a bunch of violinists run around him in heart-shaped outfits, while Chalamet and Hammer are biking around stage while eating gelato. Mystery of Love is amazing and very key to the movie (Visions of Gideon may be even better, but I’m cool with MoL getting the nod here).

 Visions of Gideon IS better, though that’s not saying much. IS IT A VIDEO SUFJAN????????

 Remember Me seems like the favorite, and it’s a really great song. I would be pretty happy with it getting the win. It’s cool that Gael Garcia Bernal is performing (unlike Gosling/Stone flaking last year for La La Land, smh).

 Remember Me has the issue of trying to live up to the standard set by Z-Ro for songs titled “Remember Me.”

Original Score: “Dunkirk,” Hans Zimmer “Phantom Thread,” Jonny Greenwood “The Shape of Water,” Alexandre Desplat “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” John Williams “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Carter Burwell

 I need to re-listen to Last Jedi’s score, but it’s hard for me to say that it had anything unique compared to the previous Star Wars movies… just feels like a nod for Johnny W.

 Not a big “score” guy, but let’s go ahead and crown Sicario 2 the winner in this category next year.

 Shape of Water was really lovely. I also think it’d be cool to see Greenwood get a win (Radiohead whaaa). Dunkirk is super intense. Billboards...nah.

 The Shape of Water was scored by a Radiohead guy? Makes sense because that fish was a CREEP.

Sound Editing: “Baby Driver,” Julian Slater “Blade Runner 2049,” Mark Mangini, Theo Green “Dunkirk,” Alex Gibson, Richard King “The Shape of Water,” Nathan Robitaille, Nelson Ferreira “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” Ren Klyce, Matthew Wood

Sound Mixing: “Baby Driver,” Mary H. Ellis, Julian Slater, Tim Cavagin “Blade Runner 2049,” Mac Ruth, Ron Bartlett, Doug Hephill “Dunkirk,” Mark Weingarten, Gregg Landaker, Gary A. Rizzo “The Shape of Water,” Glen Gauthier, Christian Cooke, Brad Zoern “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” Stuart Wilson, Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick

 Baby Driver’s sound was critical to it, as was Dunkirk’s. I have trouble understanding the two (here’s one of many explainers) but based on what I read, I’d want Baby Driver for Sound Mixing (Edgar Wright had the actors listening to the same song simultaneously, so they could imagine how it would play on screen… which is awesome) and Dunkirk for Sound Editing.

 Can’t speak to the legitimacy of these nominees, but it’s a relief seeing the same five in both categories. Can you imagine the humiliation otherwise? “Oh this was MIXED really well, but the editing was TRASH.”

Visual Effects:

“Blade Runner 2049,” John Nelson, Paul Lambert, Richard R. Hoover, Gerd Nefzer “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2,” Christopher Townsend, Guy Williams, Jonathan Fawkner, Dan Sudick “Kong: Skull Island,” Stephen Rosenbaum, Jeff White, Scott Benza, Mike Meinardus “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,”  Ben Morris, Mike Mulholland, Chris Corbould, Neal Scanlan “War for the Planet of the Apes,” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, Daniel Barrett, Joel Whist

Matt didn’t offer any analysis here, so I can only assume he worked on the visual effects for Kong or whatever and it’s a conflict of interest.

Production Design: “Beauty and the Beast,” Sarah Greenwood; Katie Spencer “Blade Runner 2049,” Dennis Gassner, Alessandra Querzola “Darkest Hour,” Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer “Dunkirk,” Nathan Crowley, Gary Fettis “The Shape of Water,” Paul D. Austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin, Shane Vieau

The Shape of Water looks cool? So does Blade Runner. So I want one of those.

Was Beauty and the Beast the most unnecessary movie of 2017? Probably. Really stoked for the human version of Song of the South. I wanna know who designed the pies in The Shape of Water. Damn those shits were ugly.

Makeup and Hair: “Darkest Hour,” Kazuhiro Tsuji, David Malinowski, Lucy Sibbick “Victoria and Abdul,” Daniel Phillips and Lou Sheppard “Wonder,” Arjen Tuiten

 I do think it’s random that this only has 3 nominees. That’s all I got. Oldman for Churchill, I imagine, should win.

 Doesn’t this category usually only have 3 noms? If only I was typing this on a machine that would let me look up the answer. Folks better get these famous-people roles while they can; another 5 years and biopics will be 50% holographic.

Costume Design: “Beauty and the Beast,” Jacqueline Durran “Darkest Hour,” Jacqueline Durran “Phantom Thread,” Mark Bridges “The Shape of Water,” Luis Sequeira “Victoria and Abdul,” Consolata Boyle

Phantom Thread should win, right? Shape looks cool too. The outfits for the monster were wild.

Ayo, that fish was buck naked! They really just subbed in my man Abe Sapien. If Phantom Thread doesn’t win this...it’s like, Mark Bridges, what the hell are you even doing?

Best Documentary Feature: “Abacus: Small Enough to Jail,” Steve James, Mark Mitten, Julie Goldman “Faces Places,” JR, Agnès Varda, Rosalie Varda “Icarus,” Bryan Fogel, Dan Cogan “Last Men in Aleppo,” Feras Fayyad, Kareem Abeed, Soren Steen Jepersen “Strong Island,” Yance Ford, Joslyn Barnes

 My friend Donna says Abacus is awesome, and it seems like a cool story. Jane didn’t get nominated here and that’s the only one I saw (good film).

 Didn’t see any of these. I watch movies to ESCAPE from real life, not wallow in it.

 Best Foreign Language Film: “A Fantastic Woman” (Chile) “The Insult” (Lebanon) “Loveless” (Russia) “On Body and Soul (Hungary) “The Square” (Sweden)

 I have seen the trailer for Loveless, and it looked intense. Otherwise, I gotta get to these… it’s tough when they aren’t really available in theaters.

Matt, you gotta move out of BFE. Loveless and “L’Insult” been in theaters here. Not that I’ve seen them, whoops.

 Animated Short: “Dear Basketball,” Glen Keane, Kobe Bryant “Garden Party,” Victor Caire, Gabriel Grapperon “Lou,” Dave Mullins, Dana Murray “Negative Space,” Max Porter, Ru Kuwahata “Revolting Rhymes,” Jakob Schuh, Jan Lachauer

 KOBE

 *ahem*

#KOBE

 Best Documentary Short Subject: “Edith+Eddie,” Laura Checkoway, Thomas Lee Wright “Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405,” Frank Stiefel “Heroin(e),” Elaine McMillion Sheldon, Kerrin Sheldon “Knife Skills,” Thomas Lennon “Traffic Stop,” Kate Davis, David Heilbroner

 Let me put my homie Matt on blast here. I told him I was going to check out a showing of these five shorts and he’s all like “Why? I’m not including them in the Oscar pool, loser.” I was STUNNED. I’m in it for the ART, meanwhile Matt only cares about nursing his gambling problem. Anyhow.

Traffic Stop is apparently the front-runner, but was probably the worst one. I’m totally on board with its message about cops being violent racists, but the situation here probably wasn’t the best one to exemplify that idea.

Edith+Eddie had some charming moments, but not much of a story. People treat old people like shit. Wow.

Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405 was the most poignant and touching of the five. The story of Mindy Alper, an artist who suffers from truly debilitating mental illness/depression, is both heartbreaking and uplifting. It’s amazing what she’s been able to accomplish while simultaneously waging a constant battle with herself.

Heroin(e) tells a gripping story of the heroin epidemic of Huntington, WV and what three strong women are doing to battle it. Nothing super-groundbreaking, but a very well-told story about a part of the country that often goes overlooked.

Knife Skills was my second-favorite behind Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405. At times hilarious, but always inspiring, we get a look at ex-cons getting a second chance by attending culinary school/working at an upscale French restaurant in Cleveland. The willingness to show some light-hearted moments made this doc feel a bit slighter than the other four, but that’s hardly a fair criticism. Great stuff, and it definitely left me wanting to see more. And hungry.

 Best Live Action Short Film: “DeKalb Elementary,” Reed Van Dyk “The Eleven O’Clock,” Derin Seale, Josh Lawson “My Nephew Emmett,” Kevin Wilson, Jr. “The Silent Child,” Chris Overton, Rachel Shenton “Watu Wote/All of Us,” Katja Benrath, Tobias Rosen

 DeKalb Elementary is about a local incident in Atlanta so I’ma be pulling for it.

 That’s all I got.