#which still causes this kind of shit so
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Hi!! Its me, your resident severe asthmatic! I'm very familiar with the junk your lungs do when they fucking hate you! (And I've been choked out a lot of times, but that's unrelated.)
So a lot of the time when your lungs are compromised, the fluid that builds up in them is mucus-y and it makes breathing much, much harder. Its difficult to cough out, which if you're not careful will lead to puking. Being strangled will cause this temporarily, but if you have any underlying lung issues, like say, breathing in spores from an entirely hostile hell dimension, its going to agitate that A LOT.
The problem with the whole mucus bit, is that it will keep doing that for as long as your lungs are distressed. So on top of any damage you suffered, you're now suffocating in this dense mucus. You can hack it out, but that will also agitate your lungs and its a vicious cycle.
Most people will need to be still for a while to recover and not suffer any additional damages while they do.
Steve Harrington however did not do that, because of course he didn't.
So let me give you a run down of what that would entail: Strangulation, which caused the initial distress then leads to lungs full of mucus-y fluid. This fluid leads to either vomiting or continued coughing which will continue to produce fluid. Having this filling your lungs leads to shortness of breath, dizziness, impaired vision, lightheadedness, and increased body temperature. If left for long enough, oxygen deprivation can lead to confusion, loss of memory, and significant fatigue.
Also?? Having fluid in your lungs hurts, a lot. Homeboy would feel like he's in a vice grip until they sorted that out.
Especially since that happened TWICE.
... so apparently strangulation can cause fluid overload in the lungs and essentially cause vomit to get in your lungs... which can lead to some very very bad problems... and considering the Upside Down particles and everything... Steves lungs are fucked.
( P.S apparently vomiting after strangulation is somewhat common, I'm just thinking... the Creel House is the second time he's been strangled for a while in like, what, 24 hours? Less? baby boy- )
#stranger things#steve harrington#i might be projecting but yo get this boy an inhaler#sorry to hijack but like I know lung issues if nothing else in this world#its a lot like drowning or suffocating#it makes me worry for him extra because like#he has no self preservation instincts and that can get really really bad really really fast#some people also make it worse by panicking#or you can overcorrect to the other direction like me and be TOO calm#i think Steve would be the type to downplay it#which is hella dangerous dont be like us#there's a sort of peacefulness that you hit when it gets really really bad which is SUPER BAD#because like that's right before you actually die so#knowing Steve he would ride it right to that limit#especially if he had reason to like saving people#I've done that just to spend more time with friends for sure he would have done it to protect everyone#you'd be surprised how little oxygen you can function on#adrenaline also helps with lung function fun fact#so its also possible that he'd be mostly alright until things calm down#and then suddenly HOLY SHIT I'M SUFFOCATING#I'm imagining the spores from season 2 as basically supernatural asbestos#which still causes this kind of shit so
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some later kidlu stuff (part 2 - nsfw)
#kidlu#monkey d luffy#eustass kid#my art#op vamp au#described in alt text#i was supposed to draw them fucking but i got sidetracked by Gentol Hand Holding. as you do.#hmm context: this is post runaway arc. luffy decides he should have sex to see how much of what he wanted was really his or mingo's#he picks good ol eustass for it cause he's tall brutish with a fluffy coat and he kind of know him(ish big ish) but kid is like. gentle#and shit which leaves luffy a bit disturbed among other things. like kid's still a bit rude about it but yknow. smth obviously not right#with luffy and he kind of wants to know whats going on but wont ask directly so he goes with it. which leads to that bathtub scene.
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Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?
#'lately' he says#as if he's not been feeling this way for the last 28 years#idk man#maybe it's bc I'm getting older and so are the people i hang/chat with#but it feels like everyone else has a real life and real interests and experiences and things to say#and I'm some kind of hollow scarecrow person just full of memory loss and sadness#i feel very stupid and very boring#which i know is too harsh. and i know i should be kinder to myself bc life and covid and shit can't have helped the brain situation#and i should absolutely believe my friends when they say they wanna hang with me bc it's mean not to take them at their word#but I'm still like... why though?#genuinely what's the appeal of being around me. my head is empty i have nothing to add and I'm not interesting or that funny#it's been creeping up on me. this feeling like i just genuinely have nothing to offer.#i don't even know who i am#except for a person who like. lives vicariously through fictional characters experiencing feelings I've never had cause to feel#i can relate to emotions SO vividly except i myself haven't even felt the half of them#i just sort of quietly exist somewhere on the spectrum between content and discontent#with occasional drops into the despair zone#and even if the stuff i think is keeping me here went away tomorrow. like if mum stopped being an issue and i was free#like... what would i even do?#i don't even know how to want something#anyway. this has been morning mental breakdowns with newt#I'm going to go make some made up guys live the life i haven't now#mr. bees speaks#negative
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tired of people who want pjo movie references in the disney+ show. "logan lerman should've been-" i don’t care. "poker face in the casino-" actually i hope ms. gaga keeps her entire discography miles away from it. i don't care move on
#peace and love🫶#this isn't even to say I didn't like those parts of the movies or that I can't see the appeal in having references in the show#I'm just tired of HEARING about it oh my god#the pjo movies are getting all of the loving looking back they could need#just in the fact that people's opinions of them are clearly shifting#like people look back on them more fondly now they were VERY bad adaptations but fun movies overall with some good scenes#I think the shift in public opinion is also due to the d+ show btw I think the fact we have a good adaptation now#means people no longer feel the need to spend energy publicly and viscerally disavowing the movies anymore#but we still don't really need references to it!! especially when it's shit you're so clearly not getting I'm sorry#they're not putting logan lerman anywhere in there you know this look inside yourself#and they're DEFINITELY not putting poker face in the lotus hotel scene COME ON NOW THAT WOULD JUST BE STUPID#the lotus hotel scene is already going to undeniably get compared to the pjo movie version#and they. kind of have a lot to beat. the lotus hotel scene was so much fun#there's already going to be a bunch of “which was better?” discourse about it#using poker face would honestly probably not help. also then it's not gonna be a fun scene in it's own right#it's gonna be a fun and good scene to people just cause it references some bad movies#anyway I hope they pick a different song I saw some people say hotel room-#pjo#pjo tv#pjo disney+
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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its so dangerous when you do something for fun and suddenly realise oh shit i love this. like fuck...what am i gonna do now...
#this is abt ACTING guys i cant do this shit...im literally no good except i guess i have to be at the least ok cause i got so close to#getting the part. but even if ur insanely good its like. an insanely ridiculously hard career to pursue where u cant depend on any income#and youll be poor forever which was ALREADY kind of my future considering i wanted to (and still want to) write but like there r scales.#acting is innately unreliable. and my whole life ive been like ok. u cant pursue that as a career. and im not gonna im not saying that. but#that moment when u suddenly realise u actually kind of love something that is not convienent at all. like why cant i have a vague fondness.#find it fun. just like attention. but instead nopeee i have to want to dissolve myself in other peoples characters and become them every#second of the day like girl ok. get a grip.#anyway.#personal#oliver talks
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I was scrolling and saw your art and it made me really happy because I realized you made time and time again!!!
It’s literally one of my favorite things I’ve ever read, so cool!!!
This is so sweet, thank you for sharing!
It's sort of "illusion breaking" so to speak, to think of my art being both out there in a way that someone could happen upon it, and then further that someone may happen upon it twice, and finally that on doing so they find it recognizable...
I always think of myself and my work as something that sort of sits behind the curtain. The idea that it might take up space in this way is unreal!
This is the kind of thing that means more than you could imagine.
So thank you!
#asks#anon#kind words#this really means so much to me!!!#I'm so glad you like my guys and I'm so glad you've found me here!#you'll get to see plenty of them hahaha#I hope to return with the series soon!#I mean I say soon vaguely...#I've only finished 3 episodes. I'm still working on writing.#I also STARTED TAKING WELLBUTRIN#and this shit slaps#I didnt realize how anxious I was ltierally all the time#it's helping so much#I'm getting so much more done#I'm excited to go to bed#because I'm excited to get up in the morning#and because I know that tomorrow will be able to be a good day...#before it was sorta like. well tomorrow might suck so I better milk this mediocre day for all it's worth.#and then getting up meant facing everything that scares me#but like. omg.#world of a difference...#wow#there might even be something better out there for me cause the executives arent really functioning at the moment#but as of now I'm going from like 20% to like 70% maybe#which is.#holy shit#I might talk about this more later cause wow
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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!
#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol#life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too#like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be#in control#like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted#and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young#but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were#i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period#waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already#and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT#but im TIRED. of waiting#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now#theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it#and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid#but im not allowed to get passed it#im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke#ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL#carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least
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what’s a fun fact about you that people may not guess
i am not anyone's idea of athletic. however since my social circle is like 90% other honors student orchestra losers, i technically qualify as a jock given that i have six years of experience playing field hockey
#i was a goalie though. jysk. lest you think i was actually running around like a fit person or something#sasha answers#infinitelytheheartexpands#i wasn't bad at it actually. though my 12th grade season was squandered by my fucking coach who never let me in varsity games#my team was shit and my teammates hated me. i don't think i ever had an unqualified Great experience playing with them.#by some miracle though i came out of it all actually enjoying field hockey as a sport#both as a player and a spectator#and to this day it's the only sport i've willingly gone to see professional matches of#and will actively sit down and watch the olympic matches of#though they don't often get broadcast here because field hockey in the us is not taken seriously and our teams rarely make the olympics lol#so if i want to watch i'd have to stream it online at odd times. like a netherlands or australian match or something#though the upside of the sport being kind of small in this country outside of specific regions (like where i grew up)#means that going to see literally the us national team play on their home turf is great. the crowd is modest it's not cramped or too loud#lots of fun. too bad they moved their home base though and are no longer in driving distance for us to attend games. oh well#my sister was always way more into field hockey than me. she played in college as a recruited athlete...i just played in high school#mostly cause i had to. but i still somehow enjoy the sport anyway#which i can't really say of any other major team sport#not the ones i've tried to play anyway
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i cant find it anymore but this one post i read about zam caring about lifesteal for lifesteals sake while nobody else really does that inspired an au for me lol
#mine.txt#right as i was about to reblog it the page died#the joys (sarcastic) of having shit college internet#its also inspired by the many novels throughout history that present themselves as love stories#but are actually revolutionary/anti colonialism/nationalistic inntrospection pieces in disguise#im still workshopping it but its basically a neo-noir au where zams gf which is actually a stand in for lifesteal mysteriously dies and#zam not believing that she killed herself decides to investigate what happened himself#and along the way gets some other ppl to help him too#planet is also included in this cause his nosey ass is perfect for the story#its also princetech but im still trying to decide if im gonna base it on their ks dynamic or their ls dynamic or some kind of mixture#probs mixture ngl#also trying to decide if i should include pentar and jumper in the team of ppl wholl help zam out or not#also trying to decide if i should make it cyberpunk as a funny haha this is whats in store for zams future if he really meant it when he#said that hell keep playing on ls even when nobody else does#or if should just make it modern to keep it more grounded#so yeah a Lot of workshopping still
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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if i was in olden england, the way ive gotten more migraines in the ten days ive been here than in six months back in mtl would be grounds to send me to the seaside for my health and humours
#the first two were fair enough (i think. i don't even really remember the causes anymore) but this one is fucked#like i got it at NIGHT? thats bizarre. and it lasted through one solid painkiller and ten hours of sleep. so what gives#at least theres no photosensitivity anymore and no nausea yay#<- unironically huge Ws#but why is it Still here....i didnt even do anything to cause it 😭#the main reasons i get migraines is not eating/drinking enough or my neck/shoulders being fucked up#but ive been eating the same shit all week so id have to be getting headaches daily which i havent been#and i havent had any neck pain + im back to working out properly#well whatever itll resolve or itll stay and ill figure it out then! im just kind of bummed i wasted half my alone time day on being in bed
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad
#tw s3lf harm#i dont even feel sick from eating too much like usual#its like the feeling of food in my stomach is making my throat feel tight and its activating my gag reflex a bit so i feel like im gonna tu#tw 3d shit#tw 3d vent#3d ana#not exactly pro a*a but not anti either.. :/#i want to post more in this community and get mutuals and get help with navigating this whole thing but im scared cause ive seen#so many people have their whole accounts deleted and i think i would actually kms if that happened since ive had my main for like 8 years#and to be clear im very pro recovery#which i know i know conflicts with the whole wanting mutuals to *help* me with an ed and not help me to *not* have an ed#i think everyone deserves to recover and i hope i do but right now is just not fucking it for me#so for not its a whole lotta#male thinpo#slef harm#right and i definitely cant talk about being b p d uncensored or ill get reported cause the b*d community is super toxic but in the way that#slef harm and scars are chillin but eds are actually a real struggle™️ and you should have it in secret like everyone else#not to generalize all pw b*pd obviously many and probably most arent like this#but tumblr is a very concentrated dose of that kinda person and its sad for us pw b*pd that are both kinds of toxic LMAO#i joke of course#anyway yeah pro recovery for sure but not currently in recovery#ana moots#body chex#someone who could help with that maybe idk im also kinda shy so maybe just someone to help me with restrictions and staying accountable#at least for now#also if you sh all the better cause i will wanna talk about that too#also to clarify my earlier statement 'not pro a*a' means i dont think and 3d is a lifestyle and i recognize that im sick#but 'not exactly anti' means im not going to avoid these communities or report people in them for being pro#because thats about as effective as throwing out an addicts stash or hiding sharp objects from a chronic sh'r- theyll still find a way#and probably way easier and faster than you think and theyll feel even more alienated and less inclined to seek help
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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