#which sounds like a paradox but w/e

[hermit-searching]

Sonic Adventure 2 from the perspective of someone who never played a Sonic game ever in their life:

It's fun. The controls take a while to get used to, and the physics of the gameplay is kinda wack. Unironically the mech stages are the best part of the game, but I'm the kind of gamer that likes seeing "big number go up".

To be completely honest I think the Sonic stages are actually my least favourite part of the game, because it's what really shows off how weird the physics are in SA2. One of the contributing things could be the fact the Steam port of SA2 is the GameCube version, which is apparently a really bad port of the game.

I grew up with Mario, and the 2D Pokemon and Zelda games. So I spent a lot of time being biased against Sonic because it was "cool" to hate Sonic games. Granted I've only played SA2, and a bit of Mania, I can't really say I actually hate the games. I don't really think I'll be touching any of the other ones though unless someone recommends it to me.

[proteuus]

anyway. michael chabon won a pulitzer apparently ?? when ?? for what ??

[lyriakisser]

OK BACK FOR THE PARALIVE RAMBLE.

I think actually reading the voice dramas (again just ask me if wanted and i can send the site where i read them all) does a better job on explaining like. Exactly the plot but ok let's go on a small tldr about what happens

So! Battle 1! Battle 1 happened only between the 4 initial ones (b∆e, tcw, czmz, akyr) and here's how it generally worked by then:

Two units were given a theme, they had to make a song, they sang the song. Along the song, came a voice drama with the two units who received the theme and it gave us some info on them/their dynamics. The themes for the first one and the battles were as following, with the winners being old

Round 1 — Desire (b∆e x czmz), Justice (tcw x akyr)

Round 2 — Pride (b∆e x tcw), Family (czmz x akyr)

Round 3 — Love (tcw x czmz), Vibes (b∆e x akyr)

Something fun to note is that yes, since the beginning there was a heavy b∆e + czmz bias from the fans and the tcw victory in the pride battle was fully accidental. B∆e fans are insane and ALWAYS calculate their votes so they can win... But on the pride battle, they miscalculated and ended up missing a little under 100k points for the final victory

After the round 1 battle, we got the shuffle songs! Aka we got

new & classic (yohei, neoakira, hajun, allen)

club candy (iori, zen, satsuki, anne)

rooftop friends (shiki, nayuta)

lollipop*universe (anne, ryu, nayuta, reo)

suzaku & kanata (can you fucking guess)

beauty & beast (anne, satsuki)

48 & cozmez (again can you fucking guess)

double trouble (yohei, iori)

hokusai with akancatsura (ryu, shiki, hokusai, reo)

After the shuffles, we got to the end of the competition. The major battle for the finals was between cozmez and bae (both were at 12 million with a difference of 400k points for the finals, while akyr and tcw were at 8m/7m respectively), but cozmez ended up winning! And with that they also got the chance to go against buraikan in a battle... And then the fucking place FELL DOWN. and i wish i was kidding on that one but nope. The fucking place FELL. alas hey yk what would be funny. YEAH. SURPRISE NEW UNITS DROP.

And alas. We finish the original paradox live competition and get into the part 2 and the one we are currently one: road to legend. We got voice tracks to introduce us to the newest units (visty, amprule, 1nm8 and gokuluck)

The road to legend works a bit differently: aka a single theme is giving to FOUR (not two) units but they will go on two to two battles, aka we have two themes per round as usual but it's a bit shuffled around so all 8 can participate. We only had one round until now but it went as following

Round 1 — Fate (b∆e x amprule • tcw x 1nm8), Rage (czmz x visty • akyr x gklk)

Aka yeah. As you can see, the original 4 won them all. Because of that we got something known as the consolation match! All 4 new units got new songs (which were all BANGERS) and got to go against each other. They had no theme and could just make w cool sounding song which is what happened. The main battle was between visty and gokuluck fans but gklk still had a easy victory, with 8m compared to vistys 6m (1nm8 had 5m and amprule around 4m)

And this leaves us where we are currently! We just got the road to legend round 2 first two songs (b∆e x tcw again) with the theme of Will, and alas we got No Matter What (tcw) and G∆L∆XY (b∆e) <3 thanks for letting me be autistic and ask me abt anything else i have too much info abt this franchise

OHRHSHFHEJNTEBFV IT ALL SOUNDS SO INTERESTING..... THANKS FOR HELPING ME GET INTO THIS PROPERLY WEHEHHEHEHEHE

[inevitably-johnlocked]

damnbluewires said: i have a really dark version of this premise called cross wired by prettyarbitruary maybe?

books-n-pickles said: This sounds like wordstrngs' New Days To Throw Your Old Chains Away, part of the Paradox series. https://archiveofourown.org/works/555849

kitten-kin said: Could it possibly be "Damnatio Memoriae" by lovetincture? https://archiveofourown.org/works/17726879

raina-at said: Sounds like the Paradox Series by Wordstrings, Sherlock has a Fine and Not Fine list, and at some point they discuss the lists in detail. https://archiveofourown.org/series/28906

====

Cross Wired by PrettyArbitrary (E, 7,168 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Dark  Characters AU || Rape/Non-Con, Triggers, Dubious Consent, Fantasies, Sensory Deprivation, Knifeplay, Asphyxiation, Bloodplay, Bondage, Possessive Behaviour, Captivity, Rough / Unsafe Sex, Bad Decisions) – John reads Sherlock's diary. It turns out that this is not his first mistake.

The Paradox Series by wordstrings (M to E, 98,863 w. across 8 Stories || First Kiss / Time, Mental Health Issues, Moral Ambiguity / Dubious Ethics, Angst, Psychopathy, Depression / Suicidal Ideation, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, Possessive Behaviour, Homophobia, Sexuality) – In which what's in Sherlock's head is never going to get any better, and John is nearly thrown out of his flat.

Damnatio Memoriae by lovetincture (E, 55,098 w., 20 Ch. || Psycopathology, Sociopathy, Sadism) – Sherlock Holmes is a sociopath and a sadist, and he’s in love with John Watson. He also wants to torture him. John is surprisingly okay with this, with one caveat: He doesn’t want to remember any of it. A loving, healthy relationship, with the occasional torture session courtesy of dubiously legal pharmaceuticals. It’s all fine. Or, it would be fine, if an old enemy didn't have designs of his own on the both of them. Did it really happen if you don’t remember? Part 1 of Damnatio Memoriae

=====

Thanks guys, hopefully one of these are it!

Hello, I am trying to find a fic that I read a while back and have an urge to read again. It was about Sherlock and his (actual) sociopathy and he was a bit Not Good and had a list of things he wanted to tell John -- about how he felt about him and things he thought about and wanted to do, but he was afraid of John's reaction. They go through some of the things on the list and Sherlock can't believe John loves him enough to still be with him knowing his dark feelings.

Does this sound familiar at all to anyone? I feel like it was fairly long, like 20K+ words. Thanks for your help.

Hey Nonny!

Ah, sadly I don't know this fic at all, Nonny, but hopefully someone else does!! Anyone able to help us?

[toomuchdickfort]

Unfun Fact!

Like a year ago, I was developing characters, and I’ve got just enough dumb that I accidentally made a character who’s into his own brother! And Jude is a rad as hell name, but! I just stopped developing him when I realized, after several major events that are directly his fault, Jude Thassix is a brother to Ves Thassix who is a brother to Neil Sterling and they just picked different names to take from demon papa! I just try not to think about it most of the time, tbh, because there’s a lot to go through there, and I don’t want to have to deal with it!

In conclusion: Jude could make for a neat as hell character and contrast to his siblings, who are all chaotic as hell in one way or another, but I’m not touching on any of that because I straight up forgot they were related for like a month or smth!

[foulserpent]

part of why i like hiking is bc it gives me time to be 100% alone with my thoughts which is useful for mulling over anything i need to think about but for the better part of this hike today. ALL i could think about is how scummy and bullshit 'missing 411' is.

bc i was in the kind of situation that these '''''mysterious'''' disappearances/deaths happen in. i was alone on a mountain in the wilderness. the weather changes fast in regions like this, so it was snowing on and off and developed into a full snowstorm when i was at the peak and had a few miles to hike down. its an unmarked trail and it was getting snowed over. it would be a little difficult to lose the trail bc the area surrounding it is dense bush. but if i was disoriented for any number of reasons it would be 100% possible, especially given the trail got completely covered in snow. i went in wearing an excess of layers for the weather + rain gear, but anything less (and people tend to underdress bc they underestimate things) and i would be at risk for hypothermia. i was at risk for hypothermia WITH all my layers, bc any number of mishaps could have gotten me damp enough that it would do me no good.

if i slipped on a rock and hit my head id be screwed and it would be difficult to find me. (and i did slip on rocks, i had a walking stick that helped me but theres always a chance it wouldnt) snow would cover my body. and thered be a good chance ravens, crows, turkey vultures, would eat me, or coyotes, wolves, bears might drag me off-trail before anyone found me. if i fell in the water i could get hypothermia pretty much immediately. (and there were MANY places i could have fallen). i would be wholly susceptible to paradoxical undressing, and terminal burrowing in the end (which would make me hard to find). and its unlikely, but if a mountain lion happened to decide i was a good meal, odds are i wouldnt see or hear it (especially in the snow) until it was too late. i had people who knew where i was, but if i didnt its possible i could die somewhere and no one would report me missing until far too late and no one would find me until the spring. and even with the people knowing where i was, i was on a fucking mountain, it snowed on and off all day, which would have made rescue attempts difficult.

like everything is so FRAGILE when youre out there, not because nature Hates you or some bullshit like that but just bc youre really just experiencing a kind of mortality you dont necessarily do in day to day life.

and anyway back to missing 411 which is bullshit by a con artist ex-cop.... it tries to make this into a whole Thing and claims its this big mystery and conspiracy whereas i think most people could tell you the reality is just. sometimes shit can go wrong and you can die out there and theres no human society safety net that will make it seem 'rational' and safe, bc we're animals too and we're a part of this too. sometimes shit just happens. like even aside from how paulides fabricates shit to make stories sound mysterious, the core conceit is that its Unusual that humans arent Above nature or w/e which is just not true!

im getting 2deep but its just very frustrating. the sentiment behind it is very frustrating .

[enneamage]

Non-exhaustive and loose Ranboo lore-life post-- This one is a bit disjointed, I’ve got sleepybrain.

Being dropped in the middle of the Dream SMP actually sounds like a nightmare. It’s not exactly a polite server and seemed to run on trample or be trampled rules when lore was popping off. Ranboo spent a lot of time as a voyeuristic outsider because… he was a voyeuristic outsider, the joke is that he was a y/n for a while because his comeup was so fast and he got to be around the people he was watching in a remarkably short time. He found his way into the story by finding the people who needed him most, particularly Tubbo and Dream.

“People not sides” is definitely something that Ranboo actually believes. I’ve seen a lot of Twos be more attentive to the immediate individuals involved in a situation over what they’re ideologically attached to since they put an emphasis on one-on-one connection. He still has a moral code, but he’s much more likely to see and respond to people as unique individuals in a situation, especially as they relate to him.

Ranboo’s habit of overextending himself for others is real, and it comes from an interesting blend of humbleness and pride. He feels like he should be able to handle any task from a sense of duty, but also an over-inflated sense of competence and what ought to be done. This actually brings to light a bit of pride that’s hard to explain with Twos, “You need me, but I don’t need you.” There’s a feeling of responsibility to be hyper-competent, and an assumption that they ought to be able to be so.

Ranboo has talked before about how he was Therapist Friend in highschool and had to learn to step away from peoples problems because he couldn’t be reasonably expected to help them out beyond a certain point. Ranboo starts his character off with this in mind, but he still begins with a metric ton of people pleaser in him, and the very practical concern of trying to ingratiate himself with all these e-celebs. Don’t piss anyone off too badly. Over the course of his arc, Ranboo learns that trying to be everyone’s friend can be strangely destructive, and inauthenticity (even with yourself) will drive you crazy. C!Ranboo had a repressed traitor complex, playing every side and being deeply anxious that if something Otherwise Inconvenient leaked out about him he would face the consequences.

It's not a secret that early Ranboo was a fairly guilty guy, and he’ll talk about how the flashier (and slightly edgier) person that he is now was always just under the surface, just buried. While it might be easy to chalk it up to his upbringing and then-closeted sexuality, there was a lot more in his personality that came out once he resolved to come into his own.

Ranboo’s love of ARGs and detail-noticing was very baked into his solo lore, making it more engaged and involved from a viewers perspective. He made the most out of being as alone as he was on the SMP, which was a solid strategy imo. C!Ranboo is very affected by Ranboos sense of aesthetics (in the expansive ‘what is beauty’ sense—in this case beauty is terror) as well as his personality. He loves a bit of creepy and a bit of drama, and I wouldn’t begrudge him either.

There’s a strangely specific pattern that I’ve witnessed among Twos who get frustrated while roleplaying as meek. It’s one of those “not that many but it’s weird that it’s happened x many times” things. They get tired of their own character and nope out to come back as someone more assertive because they hit their breaking point, usually abruptly. Ghostboo is that incarnate—he was born out of a decision to shake up his roleplay relationship with Tubbo (and come off as a loving martyr while doing it) as well as step into a new shtick and a more assertive self. The death at the prison was a last-minute addition and actively made it so that Hitting on 16 would be a paradox—this was not how Ranboo was supposed to die, even if his death was planned. There’s some clips floating out there that show Wilbur being annoyed at Ranboo for this decision, but it’s a fleeting thing.

So Ghostboo is a whole new guy who is putting on a brave face and not feeling his feelings at all if he can help it. He’s basically inverted—he’s very openly confident now but secretly carrying around an emotional burden. I know he’s following some part so the Ghostbur template but it also feels very relevant to Ranboo’s transformation in real life, he was antsy to be able to become this.

We’re on the doorstep to c!Ranboo’s volume one resolution soon, and like all the others I’m curious what his end note is going to be. Both of his selves (dead and alive) seem to have access to his entire memory, so he’s going to approach the story as his integrated self in the end, all his facets present and accounted for.

[andraaste]

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction Part 1

Hey, this is the translation of the first chapter of my fanfiction, hope you'll enjoy it !

(Link for Chapter 2 here)

Chapter 1 : I am not your enemy

"I know you only just woke up and you're not ready to hear this yet, but know that today you are seen as the hope of the Eldaryans. You saved us all and you are worshiped as a deity, however, you must know one thing..."

Stranger faces crowded around me, jostling in a dance far too fast in which I couldn't keep up. Each gaze I met stared at me with a mixture of amazement and admiration while paradoxically, a sense of doubt hovered in each of them. Stalls of food, trinkets, and even potions spread out before my eyes in an abundance of information. The bright sunlight forced my eyelids to squint as uneasiness took hold of me. The market place, much larger and more developed than seven years ago, was teeming with life and sounds, each stronger than the next, which accentuated the headache that had assailed me for almost two weeks. Without warning, a shoulder jostled me and I swayed dangerously while grabbing the edge of a booth in an effort to support myself. The person gave me a scared look and quickly fled while muttering a vague apology that I wasn't paying attention to. What the fuck is happening to me ? The weight of emotional fatigue from awakening from the crystal was felt more and more, my body was searingly exhausted each day and I was sleeping well over ten hours each night. However, my condition did not improve, which prompted Eweleïn to keep me under observation as soon as necessary. I vaguely heard a man bitch about the fact that I was blocking the passage, which gave me the strength to let go of my makeshift support to stand up and continue my journey. But where had Jamon gone ? I was supposed to follow him to show me where to find weapons for the Obsidian Guard, which was now the one I worked for, but despite his very tall stature, I couldn't see him in the dense crowd. who surrounded me. Resuming my awkward run, Huang Hua's words circled in my head since I thought I saw, a little earlier, what sounded like my worst nightmare. "... He's here, Andraste. He repented and now works every day to right his past mistakes. His actions are totally unforgivable and no one will ever forget what he did to Eldarya, but his heart is no longer filled with the darkness that decimated him and that is part of why I decided to give him a chance here. " My stomach immediately turned as I thought about those words. He was there. The one who had put my life on hold for seven long years lived here like a repentant, and no one seemed to mind. But how could they have been ?! No matter how hard I twirled the words of the leader of the Sparkling in my head, I couldn't understand the decision. “He deserved it badly, you know. He was not greeted with open arms and even still, his presence remains only tolerated by the inhabitants of the HQ. But he is the most useful part of this guard and without him I don't think we could have got up so quickly. Don't look at me like that, I know what you are thinking, but I can only ask you to trust me. " My head was spinning as quickly as the nausea that was mounting again. "Have I ever shown you that my judgment was wrong ?" " Faced with this flood of nonsense, only my reason had managed to answer him at that time. “No, you are certainly right. " No, his judgment had never been distorted. Absolutely never. And it was eating me up. My fingernails dug into my arms, my breathing suddenly quickened and I felt anger sneak up on me. And as if to echo what was dawning in that moment in me, I lifted my head and froze instantly. It was his hair, almost silvery white, that caught my eye like a magnet. His large size also had a lot to do with him, he was well above all the people around him, and his tanned skin warmed his characteristic icy gaze. With his graceful, almost feline gait, he seemed to move serenely in the midst of a crowd filled with unconsciousness. It was him, I was sure. I will recognize him among a thousand, his cold mask having obviously never left him. Lance was a monster and he stood in front of me. Totally frozen for several seconds, my blood swirled around as I

jumped up without even realizing it straight ahead. The anger, which had already nestled deep in my heart for a long time, suddenly exploded, absolutely devastating. The latter crept in like poison, burning me so much that I literally exploded with rage as I ran towards it. The traitor hadn't noticed me yet and I decided to take advantage of it by rushing straight behind his back, ready to do battle. And for the first time in my life, I wanted to kill. With a desire so deep, so intense, that it dictated my every move and every thought. I probably lost some of my humanity at that point. Who knows, maybe deep down I was just as monstrous as him. Taking advantage of the surprise effect, I raised my fist forward and crushed it with all my strength on his jaw. The latter was thrown to the side and, under the effect of adrenaline, I was ready to perform my gesture again when his eyes, as cold as a lake of ice, spotted my movements. With a sharp gesture, as quick as a fraction of a second, he stopped my intention with a firm, almost painful grip on my forearm. This simple touch made my blood run cold as it burned my skin. Blinded by hatred, I tried to free my arm from its makeshift prison but nothing helped, my executioner did not give in a millimeter. - LET GO OF ME ! I shouted at him. - I am not your enemy, do not force me to hurt you, he begged me then. In response, I stepped aside and threw my second fist in the direction of his face, but much to my pain, Lance was faster than me and stopped my movement for the second time. - Andraste, I'm fully aware of your anger, but let me explain what happened. Totally blinded by anger, I couldn't hear what this killer was trying to tell me. - Let go of me, for God's sake ! I struggled like crazy and despite his strength far superior to mine, the young man was clearly not leading. - Look, you can't do that here. We are in a public square and everyone is looking at us, he tried to make me hear. His voice, both calm and alarmed, penetrated me to the depths of my soul. Stirring my memories, she took me back seven years, remembering every moment spent by her side. Fear, anger, hatred but also another feeling, much less gloomy, seized me then. But I didn't want that last feeling. In spite of myself, he had returned, like a sweet and bitter reminiscence, ruffling my skin where his hands still held me. I would never dare to admit to myself what I had felt for this monster during a fleeting moment. When the latter had kidnapped me, and maybe even before, an attraction had more or less pushed me towards him. Some sort of unhealthy admiration, perhaps. - You know very well that it's more difficult for me not to hurt yourself than you do to me, he said with a slightly superior air. But who did he think he was ?! Anger twisted my temples so much that my sight suddenly blurred. Lance noticed it and, hesitating for a moment, he kept me from collapsing by sliding a hand both firm and hesitant on my waist to hold me back. I pushed him away unceremoniously as a sharp pain gripped my stomach. - Don't touch me, Lance ! The latter raised his red-stained hand, his face troubled. - You're bleeding, what's happening to you ? My eyes froze on his dripping fingers. - I ... I don't know. My hand in turn rested where his had been a moment earlier. I found there a hot and abundant liquid. Some blood ? My sight blurred again and I sank under the alert gaze of my enemy. I felt two arms surround me before I passed out.

(Chapter 2)

[catilinas]

ooh squallscope sounds really cool actually do you have any like recs for songs that i should start with if i want to get into them!

YEAH!!! i would start with her newest ep (old songs ep) bcs it is short but has Stuff with the vibes of Various different albums! if you like mistakeism or all caps then check out exoskeletons for children which is where their ur-forms live, and if you like the other songs check out soft invasions bcs they’re from around the time that album was released.

songs that you cant go wrong with. like these are songs i would make someone listen to in real life:

war strategies

domino

big houses (the one that was on night vale)

three minutes for a detuned diorama

pando

relaxation contest

heart heart earth

songs w a v specific but indescribable Ultimate Squalloscope Vibe:

open water reckless fishes

rifle scissor stone (radio fm4 acoustic session)

desert pacific octopi

being a person

papercuts

circumnavigation

all caps (grounded version)

non exhaustive list of personal favourite songs:

z-e-p-h-y-r

after the apocalypse

library card

fuel

paradox

investments

roebuck

squalloscope is like. my all time favourite artist so i hope you have fun like wow imagine getting to listen to all these for the first time!!! wish i was you rn :-)

[callmepippin]

ok so i was tagged by the lovely @lexiklecksi for the 11/11/11 tag, the rules are: answer the 11 questions she asked me, make up my own 11 questions and then tag 11 ppl to answer those (so if you want you can skip to the questions at the bottom lmao). however as a fair warning: this got Way too long probably bc im rambly today. i tried to limit the stream of consciousness but….

1. current musical obsession: Frank Ocean and related sort of neo-r&b stuff - while writing this im also discovering Childish Gambino’s “Awaken, My Love!” (and also the song Golden Brown, but not bc im listening to it but bc im learning it on both guitar and piano)

2. 3 things i always take with me:

- wallet (or at least my id)

- phone (&earphones)

- cigarettes&lighter

3. what (or who) i miss most in lockdown: i dont rly remember? im so used to the situation by now that i kind of forget to miss what i did when things were “normal”... but i guess going to bars w/ friends, and just being able to go shopping when i need smth

4. pick: either only read 1 book or only read books picked by someone else: i wouldn’t be able to only read one book for the rest of my life! so definitely the second option (esp if i can pick the person who picks the books)

5. why i found your blog/followed you and if i intend to stay: uhh you followed me and when i checked your blog i liked the vibe i guess? also you were v nice in the tags of my music stuff! also ya i like it here, so im staying for a while

6. when and why did i last cry: i genuinely dont know for sure.. the last time i specifically remember crying was my granddad’s funeral, which is three yrs ago this month, but i do know ive cried once or twice since then, i just dont remember for sure when and why.

wait i do remember, i think the last time was when i saw Richard Says Goodbye (live music and movies or books are basically the only reason i rly cry, im not an emotional crier, dont know why).

7. who holds the key to my heart: my partner of five (and a bit) years, whom i love Very Much! (although ofc my heart is not locked, i have so much love to give, just romantically i am very much taken)

8, pick one: star wars/star trek, dobby/gollum, white/black magic, flying/teleportation, time travel: past/future?

- Star Wars

- Gollum (even though i have read hp but still havent read lotr, ive read the hobbit like 4 times tho)

- i think the hard dichotomy btwn white/black magic or like light/dark and good/bad in most fiction is often v flawed bc thats not how the world works, everything is grey areas (e.g. the Jedi are not better than the Sith, both have deeply flawed philosophies). the Force (or any magic for that matter) is not inherently good or evil, it just is. nature isnt abt good or evil, isnt abt opposites but abt balance.

and especially if you work with the occult and magical, i think thats all abt walking the edge between light and dark, life and death, night and day, good and bad etc…

so to answer the question: grey magic lmao, its all abt balance

- teleportation i think, bc while flying is very cool, i think teleportation has more practical uses (although also has danger involved, such as what happens if you teleport into a space that is already occupied by a person or an object? but for the sake of argument, prolly teleportation)

- do not even get me started on time travel.. the implications of time travel to the past are…… complicated to say the least (it only works if you believe in hard determinism, which i wholly do not). so in a practical sense, def to the future (although that is also Problematic within the constraints of our four-dimensional universe/experience).

in a philosophical sense though, ignoring all the paradoxes and laws of time and space, id still pick the future (or maybe no time travel at all), bc i think the past is the past for a reason. we remember it, we learn from it, but ultimately we must leave it behind.

my philosophical problem with traveling to the future is more that you cant just. skip life. so if you travel to the future, it has to be way beyond your own life and direct influence, or youll interfere with yourself and your own future, and thats scientifically, psychologically /and/ philosophically a v bad idea all round, i think.

9. which thoughts keep me awake at night: almost never specific thoughts, but quite often anxiety abt the near future. but theres no like, lingering issues that keep me awake.

10. what id do with you if we were locked up together for 24hrs: i think i’d really like to write with you! make poetry, song lyrics, make art! bc we could rly learn from each other i think and also we could just rly pick each others brain abt mundane, important and transcendental stuff ya know?

11. ask anything: do you have concrete, long term plans for the future, maybe even backup plans? a clear vision of how the rest of your life is going to go? or are you more the type to do what makes you happy now and figure it out as you go along?

my own questions (large variation in vibes and weight, i know):

describe your favourite colour using other senses (like what sound, smell, feeling or w/e do you associate with it)

what’s the best thing that happened to you in the last week, last month and last year?

what’s the one thing/what are the things that help(s) you get up in the moring and keep putting one foot in front of the other?

are you a leftie? (warning: there is a correct answer)

do you play/have you ever played a musical instrument? (and for the sake of completeness, yes i am counting singing as well)

do you have one thing (e.g. a song, movie, book or smth else) that never fails to bring you joy?

do you have one (or more) person(s) you feel you could still hit up after ten yrs of radio silence and you’d still vibe?

what’s your favourite song lyric/line from a poem/quote? and why?

who was your first celebrity crush? (if you’ve ever had one obvsly)

what’s smth you’re looking forward to? could be specific, could be a general thing like a driver’s licence or your own apartment or w/e

this one is specifically to feed my curiosity, indulge me: why did you follow me?

congrats, you’ve managed to reach the end! again, very sorry for the rambles, thanks for sticking around. im tagging @alt-heidi, @terdiscussie, @a-soul-to-cling-to, @ontvreemd, @sarahhnghae and i guess whoever fuckin feels like it? i literally can’t think of 11 ppl on this hell site, so if i forgot you its not personal. if we’re mutuals you’re especially tagged.

[alison-anonymous]

flawsome bandits pt. 10 ♡ sonic

Flawsome Visions & Pains

Welcome back to part 10! Gahhh I’m so excited for you guys to read this!! Let me know what you darlings think, enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: some of the concepts/creations talked about in this update do not line up with the original Sonic the Hedgehog video game timeline. I have altered it in order to fit this story, so please no hate ♡ Special thanks to @naenae130 for helping me out with the plotline! 

Warnings - mentions of robotnik x stone, slight angst

♡♡♡

Ah~, ah~.

Y/n’s bloodshot eyes popped open once again as the song evaded her eardrums. The singing hadn’t stopped for a half an hour and she was beginning to lose all hopes of getting any sleep tonight. Letting out a defeated sigh, she hesitantly raised herself up into a sitting position, making sure not to disturb Sonic in the process. Her torso already felt cold from the lack of his body heat. She shivered, e/c eyes glowing in the dark as she glanced around the empty room.

This better be worth it.

Ah~, ah~... The song rang mysteriously throughout the house, sounding like it was coming from the kitchen. Y/n let out a soft groan, but made a gradual transition to stand, wincing as her ankles cracked from the new introduction of pressure. Her ears flattened against her hair-like quills as she looked towards the darkened kitchen. The only source of light came from the milky moonlight shining through the window, but it was still enough to send shivers down Y/n’s spine. The tune rang out through the air again, the song that only she could hear, prompting her to move. 

Closing her eyes, she sighed and timidly walked into the kitchen. “Hello?” She whispered into the air, already feeling stupid. Before she had a good idea where it was coming from, but now she had no idea. “I can hear you. Where are you?” 

Ah~, ah~. The tune ended on a sharper note, it was more urgent this time. Her heart began to pound against her chest as her ears flickered back and forth, searching for the source. It finally clicked in her head as she turned towards the patio that led out into their backyard. It was bathed in moonlight at this hour, so at least she would be able to see. But that wasn’t what worried her. What worried her was the fact that it was coming from outside.

Well, she was already awake, so why the hell not? 

She gulped down her fears and quietly unlocked the door, sliding it open with intense precision as to not make a sound. It made a small whooshing noise as the scent of damp grass and midnight air seeped into her nostrils. The moon loomed beautifully in the sky above, surrounded by dozens of loving stars that twinkled in the dark night. She hesitated on the threshold, wondering if the voice would be okay if she just stayed inside.

Ah~, ah~!

Apparently not.

Yes, this was insane. Following a strangely beautiful and potentially dangerous voice out of her house and into the dead of night. But, when was her life ever not insane? Swallowing her pride, she crossed over the threshold and dropped onto the deck a few inches below her. Her e/c eyes scanned the backyard carefully and the tree line before her, wondering what she was supposed to be looking for exactly. Of course, the answer came to her almost instantly as a little light caught her eye. It was small, not much larger than a quarter, with her signature ice blue color hinted to it. It reminded her of the wisps that Merida had followed into the woods from Brave, she thought as she took in the little fireball’s figure. Her eyes widened in surprise. She had never seen such a beautiful creature before. It hovered in the air before her, its flames lapping at the air around it. She couldn’t help but feel like it was watching her as she cautiously stepped closer to it.

“What are you?” She whispered curiously. Her e/c eyes were illuminated by the little ball, feeling an intense connection to the adorable being. Could this thing be a part of her subconscious, perhaps? Was that even possible? Maybe her abilities were a lot stronger than she had thought they were. 

Ah~, ah~... Y/n’s eyes widened once more, her heart stopping in her chest momentarily. The singing… it was coming from this ball of energy. She froze in her place, staring intently at the being as it began to inch closer to her, its movements slow but forceful. Like it was trying not to scare her, but whatever it needed from her was needed urgently. Y/n’s shock took control of her body as she could do nothing but stare at the creature as it came ever closer to her. But for some reason… she wasn’t afraid. The creature came closer, and closer, until it finally touched her forehead.

The world became illuminated with a paranormal bright light, and then everything went black. 

It took several moments for Y/n to recover from the light changes, but once she finally opened her eyes, she wasn’t in her backyard anymore. She wasn’t sure where she was. Everything she could see was covered in fuzz, making it all hazy in her perception. She blinked multiple times in an attempt to focus, but it refused to go away. She turned around slowly and tried her best to figure out where she was. There were… trees. Lots and lots of trees. And there was a man in a red and black suit with what looked like giant sausages growing from his upper lip. No… no, it couldn’t be.

Was that Robotnik?!

Before she had a chance to do or say anything, another bright light attacked her eyes, causing her to shield them once more. When the light faded back to normal, her surroundings had changed. Confusion riddled her mind as she looked around the room. Thank god, she thought, recognizing it as her living room. Only it wasn’t night time. Her brows furrowed in concentration as she tried to make out what she was looking at. Four figures stood in the middle of the living room. One electric blue blob, which was obviously Sonic. One orangish yellow blob, that she didn’t know. One human standing taller than the rest of them. And one icy blue blob. Wait. Wait a second.

Holy shit. 

Was this… a vision? Was she having a vision right now? The surroundings slowly began to dissipate, signifying that something was changing. 

“W-wait!” She cried out, reaching her gloved hand out towards the blobs. But she was too slow as the light burned her eyes once more. Now she was standing in a field surrounded by trees. The stench of smoke harassed her nostrils as her eyes began to water. She quickly covered her mouth and nose with her hands and glanced around the area. There was a giant drone-like structure taking up most of the land. The trees seemed to be dark with soot and the grass looked like it had been trampled on one too many times. But right in the center of her vision was her. At least, what she assumed to be her due to the icy blue coat that stood out amongst the rest. She was holding something to her mouth. Something that looked very dark. Dark and… deadly. An unsettling feeling went through her stomach as she stared at it. Her feeling only got worse as she realized there was something else in this vision. 

Or someONE. 

A dark figure stood behind her with its hands on her shoulders. It was a little taller than her, but definitely not one that she recognized. A pang shot through her chest in fear. Who was this person? What were they doing? She tried to step closer, but the second she caught sight of little red streaks going throughout what she thought to be the figure’s hairline, the image began to dissolve. 

“No!” She yelled, racing towards the image. She had to see it! She had to know what was going on. But the second she reached herself, the vision was already gone. The world went dark again, and when she finally opened her eyes she was back in her backyard. 

Her whole body was trembling. E/c eyes wide, knees and hands shaking, and a mix of adrenaline and fear coursed through her veins as she raised her gaze to see the little wisp still floating before her.

“W-what was that? Was that a vision?” She asked, not really expecting an answer.

Ah~. Even though it was just a short little couple of notes, Y/n couldn’t help but feel like it was an affirmative. Her expression softened as her heart rate began to slow down. She was about to step closer to the little figure, but the moment she raised her foot, it disappeared into thin air. And once again, she was alone in the night. Disappointment processed through her brain as she looked down at her trembling, gloved hands. Was that a vision of the future she just had? Her future? 

Were her powers growing?

♡♡♡

Agent Stone was miserable.

It had been five months, twenty six days, forty eight minutes, and two seconds since Doctor Robotnik had been tossed away like garbage into that “Mushroom Planet.” His blood still boiled every time he thought of those two putrid, paradoxical, plot-twisting, alien-resembling hedgehogs. They took away the only man he had ever-

No. No, he shouldn’t be wasting time thinking about stuff like that… No matter how many times he had made his heart flutter, no matter how many times he wanted to tell him how he truly felt he knew he never could. Robotnik was… Robotnik! And true, he was his right hand assistant that knew him better than anyone… but that was all he was.

An assistant.

His fingers traced over some of Robotnik’s old blueprints he had created back before his technological advancements to make the eggbots. Of course there was a better scientific term for them, but eggbots was a rather suitable nickname. Things hadn’t been the same at all since Robotnik was banished from earth. They were very… quiet, to say the least. Since Stone was his right hand man, it was only natural for him to be put in charge of figuring out what to do with his stuff. And naturally, he had opted to keep it. Like he was going to let his love- I mean, his boss’s hard work all go to waste? Ha! He would laugh at such presumptions.

Stone let out a long sigh through his nose, feeling the weight of reality once again press it’s hands down on his shoulders. It made him sick how everyone just instantly forgot about his existence the second he was gone, like they were happy to be rid of him. Sure, he was a bit eccentric from time to time and was often referred to as “mad” or “insane,” but he was a damn good scientist. 

He was just misunderstood.

If only there was a way to bring him back. If there could be a way to reach out to him, to at least be able to communicate with him. Life seems meaningless without him here, in all honesty. And what was Stone supposed to do? Just move on with his life? Ha!

Then, a little memory locked into place in his mind. He slowly turned his head towards the locked cabinet where Robotnik had stored everything relating to those two hedgehogs. He approached it and placed his thumb upon the scanner, waiting until it hummed in approval and heard the familiar click of it unlocking. Robotnik had designed for everything in his lab to have some sort of scanner that only he and Stone could open. He felt very privileged to be held that highly by someone so great.

The cabinet opened to reveal a small plastic case amongst a bunch of cluttered files on the two and DNA samples and such. He carefully extracted it out of the cabinet and placed the box down on one of the counters. Using his thumb, he carefully flipped it open and was greeted with the sight of two very small vials containing about a centimeter each of the yellow and ice blue fluids. In case you are sitting here reading this in confusion, here’s a little explanation for you. 

Back after Robotnik had received the vials from the anonymous sender, he had had Stone run multiple tests of each tube and even recreate some miniscule samples of them just in case they were to go missing or for something horrible to have happened. That was something that Stone couldn’t help but admire about Robotnik - he always had a Plan B. As he stared down at the vials, the gears in his brain began to turn faster and faster until an idea popped into his mind once more. 

Sonic and Y/n both had very unique abilities. But what if he could find a way to combine both of those abilities and more? What if he could make something invincible? 

An Ultimate Life Form, perhaps.

He already knew much better than to send himself to Robotnik as he wouldn’t be of any help at all. But sending something much more powerful than himself, than even Sonic or Y/n, could maybe help bring Robotnik back home. 

Stone grabbed a pencil and some scratch paper and got down to work.

♡♡♡

Three weeks later, Agent Stone had successfully managed to drink Robotnik’s entire supply of coffee and go through every single lab report he had done surrounding the very concept of those two alien hedgehogs.

Oh, and he had also created one himself.

I know, ironic right? The Doctor’s right hand man turns out to be the one to create a life form meant to do only one thing: destroy and bring back his love-I MEAN boss. Well, actually two things. People seemed to have forgotten that when Robotnik was choosing someone to be his right hand man, he had standards. And one of those standards including him having at least one PhD. 

Agent Stone had been able to successfully create what he called the Ultimate Life Form: a hedgehog-like creature with Sonic’s super speed, super strength, Y/n’s telekinesis, and even immortality. He had lost tons of sleep and had attempted and failed too many times than he failed to admit but at last, he had finally gotten it right. His savior. The one to bring Robotnik back home where he can finally exact revenge upon the two who sent him to that dreaded planet in the first place. The creature he had created resembled Sonic more than Y/n, with his quills being a lot more spiky and his fur being a dark onyx rather than a delightful shade of blue. He had red streaks going throughout his fur as well, to match Robotnik’s signature colors of choice. And of course, it was only right to give the thing a name as he was his creation after all. 

Shadow the Hedgehog. 

After his creation, Stone had spent countless hours working with the hedgehog to teach him the ways of everything and what his mission was to do, what he was created for. Of course this meant he lost a lot of sleep, but for Robotnik? I think you know the second part of that sentence. Shadow was a very quick learner, adapting to the english language at an instant and mastering his powers and abilities three days ahead of schedule. He knew what his purpose was, and that purpose was the driving force of his existence. 

Finally, it was the day.

Stone drove Robotnik’s lab all the way out into an abandoned field near Green Hills where no one would see them, leading Shadow out to a nice hill with acceptable throwing distance. Thanks to his quick thinking, Stone had swiped some of the golden rings when he had been out investigating the case of the two hedgehogs, so he had a couple on hand. The dark hedgehog turned to his creator, his expression determined as Stone set the rings into his gloved hands.

“Alright, Shadow. Today is the day. You know what to do?”

“Find Robotnik. Bring him back to Earth. Destroy Y/n and Sonic.” Shadow repeated like a well-rehearsed play line. Stone nodded, his hope climbing to the roof without him even noticing. He took one of the rings out of his gloved hands and tossed it into the sky, watching with wide eyes as it formed a portal to the Mushroom Planet.

It still amazed him, the magic of it all. 

“If he isn’t here, your next stop should be Sonic and Y/n’s home planet. Do you understand?” He looked down at the dark hedgehog, who nodded sternly.

“Yes, sir.” And with that, he leapt up into the portal and Stone watched as the portal closed with a flash of light. The wind resistance it had created slowly died down, leaving him standing there in the middle of the field. He wrought his hands together nervously, his adrenaline levels through the roof. 

He could only hope he was doing the right thing. He needed to get Robotnik back and this was the only way he could do it. Everything was going to be just fine. Things would work out in the end! Shadow would find Robotnik, use the rings to bring him back here, and then they could give Sonic and Y/n a gentle slap on the wrist and everyone could go back to how it used to be before all of this crap happened. 

Everything was going to be just fine.

...right?

♡ a.a.

[vibrantvoid]

It’s like we're here trying to pinpoint exactly who or what we are. However, because our essence is unified/infinite (indefinable as there is nothing other than it to compare it to), Self-discovery goes on forever, in every way imaginable. Like the universe started (except never started/is always starting/now) as one unified awareness which began vibrating and dividing itself into octaves of relatively differentiated tones. Once there were perspectives of separation, we were able to see contrast between "self" and "other." What we fail to realize here in this density of consciousness is that separation is only a partial truth. We are unified and separate, simultaneously. We are simply unable to "know" anything without contrast. Self/other, one cannot be without the other. We come together. We are two sides of the same coin. One whole viewing Self as separate entities. Coincidentia oppositorum. Mysterium coniunctionis. Unity of opposites.

(+) + (-) = 0 = ∞

“Everything is nothing, with a twist.”

—Kurt Vonnegut

Wholly hole; Holy whole

The key to understanding life is through realizing that all paradox is inherently reconciled—that like and unlike are fundamentally one and the same. At the most basic level of reality all things are unified: all space existing within a point; all time existing within an instant. If, by definition, an instant is an infinitesimal measurement of time, how many instants can exist within a minute? Within an hour? A year? Eternity? If each measurement can contain an infinite amount of instants, what is to separate one from another other than relative perspective? Space is a reflection of time: 0D is a non-existent point. 1D is a non-existent line consisting of an infinite amount of non-existent points. 2D is a non-existent plane consisting of an infinite amount of non-existent lines. 3D, "reality" as we know it, is a cube (or sphere, w/e) consisting of an infinite amount of non-existent planes which contain an infinite amount of non-existent points. Regardless of how many points there are in space, if each is infinitesimal in size, all can exist within one, as nothing separates one point from another. If nothing lies between one relative point and another, what is to say they are not ultimately the same point? Another way of thinking about it is one point which is as big as it is small. There are many names for this point, the center of awareness, the all-seeing eye: God, Allah, IHVH (Yahweh, Jehovah; fire, air, water, earth), Atman, Tao, Wakan Tanka, Gitche Manitou, The Great Spirit, The Great Mystery, Universe, Unity, Nature, Reality, Change, Love, Light, Self, I Am that I Am, Tat Tvam Asi, Consciousness, Pure Being, Here, Now, Void, Emptiness...the list goes on, and on, and on. It is one, and it is all. No "thing" in particular, yet all "things" in general.

Although we take many forms, we are all secretly the same one Self which has stretched out and woven together its timeless awareness into an eternity of unique perspectives, as a game, in order to experience this colorful rainbow of separation and ultimately find unity in being the Love that we inherently are once more.

We are consciousness being itself, becoming itself, and perceiving itself in reference to itself, all the while centered within itself. Unified awareness multiplied/divided into boundless spectra of experience. Sound expressed as music. Light expressed as color. Energy expressed as matter. Life quantified by death.

[leowyattv]

Steep Grade Fadeaway

Day is a Monday, lease On life’s right side of the low- Lying greens, order’d by law, Creases, offering a hand to hench- Men handy for odd-jobs re- Pression & phobia with wolf spider Ire stocking its stuffing, venom Plenum spokes from eight- legged gait, unipolar police Police who didst to citizen do South bayway sword maneuver —dune ballooning din—kill them :: moths from mothta spread— I’m a member of.— online soap seas cap’n gown loan shark says-he’s—sore lark admin the sole soul food restaurant— vessels contain company that’s it—company THE THING IS IS VANDAL SURE-FOOT’D SHOE YOU’LL DISAPPOINT ME —Dianne of diagnostics Prism blend’d light, you mean honestly ~ i ~, ere Administration's penchant for pens & Cagey humors, pent up & alloted limited stock On pinterest’s pinner plot Would extraction begin, even Helices interr, interject Baby Christ’s liverwurst extrusion, Redux of suede luxe ever does thine slow- f[x] fool on a lark's wing in folly err; But general, the nut sacks, please, topp'd Sweetener glaze (never for gays) Sweat frosting from ecclesiast's evac- Uation jizzum, eat- ery just a- Round the bend over good That IndyCar 500 cock. So: so-so soho block where— Erstwhile free- thinking myth- ology passes heavy limbs Creaking in wind [was thinking we’d] Flower fourteen curls Back & forth, Codify desert sublation, Cue gay porn infinity loop on eternity's Cloud backup-drop forever projected, For your children, Mike, your kids. & this — this (my) ((his)) cursive slick mercurium thick, pen flood in- flux counter-sunk & dumb- Bows, ties, sells quill at marketplace With expertise’s durable advisory, reed Screeching in its rubber friction drift, which quells not squad disruption, squall, Abuts up with a spade to fabled proprietary lines; Umpire enraptured, raptor Pack kinetics study anonymous groups, For scrimmage near miss Miss, the MRSA Merck's Near-fatal tithe. < h o w t i g h t b i r c h b a r k f l a k e s o f f t o g e t h e r ash :: coils :: winch :: draw- in-the-dark rhythms inn-like, quiet, keeping with Queen Mariah Carey's Kierkegaardian wish :: Of lactic acid & Jehoshaphat Edicts, alliances spat at by Jehu So cordage tension its elastics tests :: Hell moans red Waves a porcupine pelt let through Spires sharp with bone, in- Scriptions of pass’d down teaching King-toppling :: hull groan gore, little system submarine ultrasonics, Realty a reality drive, divisions Splints tack’d on ulterior Versions, separation goods Another marketplace subsumption, a- Ah ah, Monarch’s ampersand Armory & orphanage growth paradigm. Mama, in the maw Of a monster it appears When spat to mangrove’s entanglements In whose rootless cloak Womb-like repair’d did I float On Tidal pressure’s pat turns Of wave phrase & coastal sound. Grammy’s telegram Faroff drawing graph’d out In double bass clef, whitebread from the top of Wonderbread ridge, Omi? [[[ hives, hexagon life-rafts Ashkanazi Jews descendents in whose Nameless lineage bow’d heads lean past stalk & branch ]]] Holocaust a hologram to fool’s corner; Survived, devised lives, could I Then, they this disbelief hold After the fact hush, scattering creed, Belief like layers of sound same Overlaid, distortion via copying; this Terrain vague makes us Hungry for disbelief & away,— Shame at sensation’s predicate, we’re not we’re not were not them—then. Characters glynne & surrowe, iyse foes may say will not into world will For will’s sake. Gardner rescinds Offer for cylinder Heads, standing wave pressurized In tubular body, met with lip Aperture shifts & valve Select valve depressions trumpet Walls down, & Solomon’s temple’s walls Shake each brick laid If coded into video- game; mechanics of Megafauna’s jaws dent don’t puncture, dental spread of broom’s Bristles or concrete finishing screed. The lady grabs the keys & allows generations a soul’s Movement to buoy faith :: Clay takes on new shapes for Good, naked bracing Against surface, thrust short Rink’s fire firefly-stud’d, freight’d glows The fright force against density Darkness offers, suspension Cradle, safe durational rock shock’d By freight trains penetrative Expansion, gaseous fits in confines small; Cobbler’s shop a shack, canister Tremolo goes to tumble-wash, Eviction of nuns at Juniper Monastery, things object through Inaction, plants guard fruit from gulls’ gullets, Gourd raft or instrument & species disembark :: Parnassus lamb on spits, spurn Wager’d against poignant Stellation of spur’s star’d points, stud’d. It is rather lonely. Welter Weights waste excess swells In waist’s weight-gain, Spotted once then trimmed, deemed High hinderance if loot’s to be tuned up, then taken; Blood from thin laceration Above the right eye releases threads Of blood; hand held, yes Triads, amps per kilojoule of One grain of sand, which Between toes react, duststorm Shakes clapboards & window-garments, The fornification of conceivable indivisible parts :: Things poole gryn, Graham to you This, saturate, this saturnalia. Wherever sea rummages earth’s crust Sage’s city wisdom, said to overturn off- Compass underpass or Souls inhabitance Herenow splatoon ever in unum Pluribus, A well. If it gets to, it’s off in bramble patch again; Cavernous sediment down- Loads by way of remaining in stasis, Adaptation & change proceed With gradients of such nuance one is Sure as one can be Organisms are a constancy unmoved. English ivy, spry & welcoming Enough to juncos & finch-song, Strangles any individual offering A vertical support, a tall host, From whose apex, were One to climb douglas fir In that Spanaway house’s lot, one would note Yellow blazes from Scotch broom, an infantry Under which camas flower & prairie grass Die off; ecologists hear & provisions provide public. Nova scorch Canopy, What’s happened to it all Primates of later eon ask? Sand shook; mud slid, loosed from Roots once anchoring mass, Hook enters the base Of the bait, loop line Doubles & knots, casting out guesswork When fisheries bring ghostnets to Foreground & shore. Rasas. & family still Standing :: Burgess brothers Twin lute & nylon-string, Summerfield Tectosilicate feldspar recovers & with Katy & makes musical games to train good weapons, voice leading & harmony Accompaniment, just.— It promised. no ~ i ~, quotient, quarrel Quest-kill objective, quarantine, Can inquiry proceed experimental Without explorational? INgenuine (this venue, come now) To even ask, but to Figure this out buy redrawing What was that, Those shapes making layers first, Maybe dimensions, second? Sinkholes clog eventually. Can yonder’s crayon-wax Out rear windshield Make out landscape’s Attendees & absentees alike? The tipoff bid for children’s hospital Sutures lawmaker to industry Profit-centers, pediatric morbidity rallies, Shipping vessels on glass beds spit Beads of bleach, sleet freeze Hardening to barnacles, sharkfin decor, Trim efficiencies, sin, sign, nature, what Remains in speech decoder’s translation? Mama’s got through villanelle Format, perforated loss, refrains Rebounding sound given shape By lack surrounding it, cradling it, even. Shedding it, scalar skin or bark; Magnitude without direction; A temper vestibule in- Vests, jackets a body in Truncated coat, technics fold, inter- Ruptions :: hundreds die as baseline Nuclear arsenal refill Fun, a planting pot fresh with Manure, fertilizer funds, & dirt With paradox, halving lives A speculative endurance, Populating a futurity with Untraceable elegance, Like mycological spore, or mycelial Masses; like cryptocurrency Exchanges in blockchain Relationship & exchange verifiable With uncompromising math With extraneous dialogue In the wind; like let them be naked Physicists sporting labcoats Only, as a group Sure of dark matter’s Not being there, its criminality A subversion, defying Paradigm parameters, & the glottal Stop at this epistemological Dissolution, erotic even, A flush heating bodies up At the limits, the proximity Of other bodies, the desire For physical embrace & exchange enough, nearly, To assume such kingmaker species a half-life well off Into future, plutonium megawatt power-station Giving life to groups finding Each other, once again, beneath Night’s luminous bodies, Beneath moon’s thievery, Held by shadows, deep black density In whose unmappable infinitude a species Approaches a release from print, rose Compass, gold arrow, landscape & waterway Florescent with spectra of blue & volcanic reds, shorn from it, then, Held in what is after all, unnamable, Of near-absolute incompatibility With kingmaker species & yet, That which gave any of it The possibility of accidental beginning.

[comp6841]

Midterm - Past Paper 2017

=== Question 0 === (3 Marks)

What is the most important property for a cryptographic hash function to have to make it as resistant as possible to birthday attacks?

.[A] Preimage resistance .[B] Collision resistance .[C] Confidentiality .[D] Symmetry .[E] Second-preimage resistance .[F] Non-determinism

The whole idea behind the “birthday paradox” is that given a room of people it “seems more likely than you think” that any two people will have the same birthday. The key part here is “any” - the idea of being able to find “any” 2 hashes for a function is a collision attack; hence the answer is B.

=== Question 1 === (3 Marks)

You are a developer of opensource fake-news software called "The trumpet shall sound", or "Trumpet" for short. You wish to use a cryptographic algorithm to generate a 64 character "digital fingerprint" of the "Trumpet" binary, which you will display on your web site so that people can check that they have downloaded a legitimate and unaltered copy of "Trumpet".

What is the most important property for this cryptographic fingerprint algorithm to have?

.[A] Preimage resistance .[B] Collision resistance .[C] Confidentiality .[D] Symmetry .[E] Second-preimage resistance .[F] Non-determinism

If someone is trying to make an illegitimate document, they are essentially trying to fake the hash which means it must be either A, B or E. Since they are looking to find another x’ (i.e. fake document) such that h(x) = h(x’) where x is the original document, the answer is clearly second-preimage resistance - E.

=== Question 2 === (3 Marks)

A MAC is designed to provide .[A] Neither Integrity nor Authentication .[B] Authentication but not Integrity .[C] Integrity but not Authentication .[D] Integrity and Authentication .[E] A Very Fashionable Device

A MAC is a hash of a message and a key - the purpose of hashing this is to ensure the data is not modified (i.e. integrity) and that the other individual knows the key (i.e. authentication) so they can verify the MAC code. Therefore the answer is clearly D.

=== Question 3 === (3 Marks)

You have a password file of 1,000 password hashes. Assuming that 50% of the passwords used were weak passwords which can be found in a dictionary of 1,000,000 common passwords, and that hashing a password takes 12 bits of work on average, roughly how many bits of work would it take to discover all these 500 or so weak passwords?

Note: only enter DIGITS in your answer (or else the automarker will mark it wrong.) _____

The easiest way to do this problem is to firstly hash all the dictionary passwords and put them in a table.

Work = 1,000,000 * 2^12 = 2^20 * 2^12 = 2^32

If you have them in a hash map, you can pretty much do an O(1) (constant time) lookup. This is comparatively very small compared to the computation required to compute a hash function, so we can ignore this. (i.e. we don’t need to worry about the 50% being weak at all here really) So the answer is 2^32 bits of work.

=== Question 4 === (3 Marks)

As for Question 3 but now assume that each password is appended to a different 32 bit number (a salt) before the hash was computed, and that the salt number for each password hash is stored, unencrypted, next to the hash in the password file.

Roughly how many bits of work would it take to discover all the 500 or so weak passwords in this case?

Note: only enter DIGITS in your answer (or else the automarker will mark it wrong.)

Now we actually have to consider the assumption that 50% of the given 1000 passwords are weak. This is actually a generalised birthday problem (except 1/2 for weak instead of 1/365 for birthdays) - i.e. given a room of 1,000 people, what is the value of n such that the probability that n people (0 <= n <= 1000) have a birthday on the same day is 0.5? I think solving this is well beyond the scope of this course - so in this question, I will make the assumption there is instead a 50% chance for any ‘given password’ to be weak. This means that on average your expectation would be that you need to check all the passwords to see if they are weak - the actual answer to the generalised birthday problem is not that far off 1,000 so I would argue we may be overestimating the amount of work by 2^0.5.

For each of the passwords we need to check, we will need to calculate the hash with the given salt for each of the common passwords. Now remember, around half of them are weak; this means on average we will only need to hash half the password list for the ones which are weak. The normal passwords we will end up wasting our time on the entire list:

So our answer based on our assumption would be 41.5 bits of work; I would argue that once you take the unintended generalised birthday problem into account it is probably closer to 41 bits of work.

=== Question 5 === (3 Marks)

Below are six lists of expenses submitted by six politicians. Sadly 3 of the politicians are dishonest and submitted made-up fake expense claims, not costs that they really incurred. :(

{{{ Albus Bert Carl Dave Egon Fred

269 6,296 543 1,137 503 206 1,428 3,217 220 638 4,195 74 3,840 520 3,080 696 5,780 257 2,163 456 5,070 543 7,774 350 165 111 108 113 986 50 2,701 2,176 8,078 145 884 426 339 476 7,963 313 6,530 3,226 64 2,607 68 236 50 108 942 824 2,457 701 9,801 94 17 10 7,952 422 5,717 17 423 112 5,332 5,723 29 158 37 13 5,705 964 3,933 609 723 9,048 8,851 750 6,122 5,769 172 295 99 7,905 91 19 498 165 6,424 9,953 89 275 5,583 3,008 48 491 19 898 56 1,396 8,339 2,675 758 506 158 19 1,945 8,212 427 3,467 1,244 238 916 897 8,503 9,217 2,445 51 3,618 392 3,617 26 866 921 4,219 941 338 1,349

}}}

Correctly identify the status of each politician.

==== 5.1 Albus ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.2 Bert ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.3 Carl ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.4 Dave ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.5 Egon ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.6 Fred ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

Had to look up a bit about datasets to find out that this was utilising Benford’s law (on Wikipedia) - an observation regarding the frequency of leading digits in real-world datasets. Basically the idea is they should occur fairly closely to the distribution in the image below:

So what you need to do in the above dataset is count the number of 1′s for each of the politicians as leading digits and the percentage they represent in each column. I did this and got A - 29%, B - 33%, C - 10%, D - 14%, E - 5% and F - 24%. You can clearly see that A, B and F more closely resemble real-world data and are more likely the honest politicians (you can also check this with 2′s as well). Therefore the dishonest politicans are likely C, D and E.

=== Question 6 === (10 Marks)

What is the 5th word in the plaintext for the ciphertext below?

{{{ HHPET IAESR DTEHN SRAKA UASMI UEOYR CNWOK FNERA TRONE TNYLO SOENO OHDAS RYUSW DONUR BNSGI STLAU HTTOO DSAHE EWSYO SRTEC IFHWO EHNOC TIHGM AENUB EAERW DEYRV EYHTA OUGNS WSODE ROEVN HLTLA ESSEE SRTEC ONSDA YVREE SNIEO ENHTI IAKRD WOENN AYROA EOHTN OIYFR SAERU TNABU IIGNH RAAPN IFROK NSATN TEUBC OODUY NOKTN AWHTO CAOLT AECDK TIENB RSUBI IEFDI ETFYF NTEBE YAHTE LUBRO TNEKA YHNET EURAO ENHTI EAKRD HETNV YUHGO EURAO COATN LULAT HITNY KDRAE }}}

THEPE 

My immediate idea was that this was a transposition cipher because it would be kinda cruel otherwise since we aren’t given any word spacing information or punctuation. The first word I saw was “THE” at the start, so I figured it must mean something - I attempted assembling with key length 3 however this didn’t make sense (neither did a length of 4). When I tried a length of 5, I got “THEPH” -> “RASEI” -> “NTHED” -> "ARKAS” (i.e. “THE PHRASE IN THE DARK AS”). This seemed to make sense and checking it a bit further, this seemed to be the correct mapping which is (1,2,3,4,5) -> (5,2,4,3,1) - this means the 5th word is “DARK”.

=== Question 7 === (20 Marks)

Suppose we convert letters and other characters into numbers in the range 1..54 using the following table and then separately encipher each of these numbers using RSA with a public encryption key of 23 and a modulus of 55.

{{{ 1 <         21 L       41 4 2 >         22 M     42 5 3 ?         23 N      43 6 4 /         24 O      44 7 5 :         25 P       45 8 6 ;         26 Q      46 9 7 “         27 R      47 ( 8 '         28 S       48 ) 9 @       29 T      49 * 10 A      30 U     50 + 11 B      31 V      51 , 12 C      32 W     52 - 13 D     33 X       53 . 14 E      34 Y       54 / 15 F      35 Z 16 G     36 SPACE 17 H     37 0 18 I      38 1 19 J      39 2 20 K     40 3 }}}

For example the plaintext ":)" would be converted into 5,48, and then each of these numbers would be individually encrypted using RSA to produce the cipertext 15,42.

The remainder of this question has been encrypted using RSA with an encryption key of 23 and a modulus of 55.

{{{ 24,18,49,16,48,49,33,10, 2,12, 52,49,48,16,19,20,16,24,18, 2, 7,16,31,50,49, 7,24, 2,19,12, 16,18,10, 7,16,11,49,49,12,16, 49,12,23,48,34, 5,24,49,52,16, 50, 7, 2,12,26,16,48, 7,10,16, 43, 2,24,18,16,10,12,16,49,12, 23,48,34, 5,24, 2,19,12,16,25, 49,34,16,19,20,16,29,35,16,10, 12,52,16,10,16,33,19,52,50,21, 50, 7,16,19,20,16, 3, 3,47,16, 16,24,18,49,16,10,12, 7,43,49, 48,16,23,19,52,49,43,19,48,52, 16, 2, 7,16,53,53,53,53,53,53, 53,53. }}}

What is the answer codeword?

If you read a little about RSA you would know that you pick 2 primes (p and q) at the beginning of the algorithm which multiply together to give you your modulus. Since we have a modulus of 55, then p = 5 and q = 11. This means Euler’s totient = (5 - 1)(11 - 1) = 40. For the public key it is clear that 23 has been chosen as it doesn’t share any factors with 40. To determine the decryption key we can solve d * e (mod ϕ) = 1. We will do this via Extended Euclidean algorithm:

Therefore our private key is (d = 7, n = 40). We can use this to decrypt the answer if we want rather quickly; to save time you could probably just calculate the stuff near the end - for example once you calculate 53 ^ 7 (mod 55) you unlock quite a few bits of the text. An easy way to do this is to realise that 53 (mod 55) = -2 (mod 55) and -2 (mod 55) = -128 (mod 55) = 37. Anyway I got lazy and just dumped it all in a script:

So the codeword is ‘00000000′.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

eternaljohnlock tagged: #I'm also going through all my heart bookmarks because this sounds so familiar #the heart on your sleeve by flawedamythyst?? #with all my heart by quinnanderson??? #none of them are quite right#three new messages by EGT also has a heart clawing nightmare scene

swissmissing said: Makes me think of the Paradox series by wordstrings https://archiveofourown.org/series/28906

====

The Heart On Your Sleeve by flawedamythyst (T, 5,441 w., 1 Ch. || Soulmate AU || Sherlock POV, Heartmarks, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Semi-S1 / S2 Canon Compliant, Reunion) – Sherlock stared at the imperfect circle on his left wrist in horror, then sat down on his bed with a bit of a thump. After over thirty years, his heartmark was finally showing activity. This was not good.

Three New Messages by earlgreytea68 (M, 7,485 w., 2 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Tags to Be Added Upon Reading) – If you were dying, if you'd been murdered -- in your very last seconds, what would you say?[TRANSLATIONS: Русский || 中国]

With All My Heart by QuinnAnderson (E, 19,257 w., 4 Ch. || Red Marks / Soulmates || Magical Realism, Growing Up, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love) – AU in which every time a person falls in love, a red line like a tally mark appears on their wrist. Sherlock is determined to keep himself from ever gaining one of these marks for fear that love will corrode his mental faculties. Then he meets John Watson.

The Paradox Series by wordstrings (M to E, 98,863 w. across 8 Stories || First Kiss / Time, Mental Health Issues, Moral Ambiguity / Dubious Ethics, Angst, Psychopathy, Depression / Suicidal Ideation, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, Possessive Behaviour, Homophobia, Sexuality) – In which what's in Sherlock's head is never going to get any better, and John is nearly thrown out of his flat.

======

All good suggestions guys!! I ALSO THOUGHT it was Heart on Your Sleeve or With All My Heart, both which I've read, but nothing seems to be standing out in those fics... Maybe it's one of the two I didn't read... Hopefully one of these is it!!

do you know this fic?

a one-shot, basically sherlock communicates his love for john quite unusually. like telling him that he wants to carve out his chest and climb inside it and stay there or something. and when they cuddle sherlocks hands invade John's sleeves cause he wants to be as close as possible?

it sounds a bit brutal with the crawling inside your chest bit but ist really sweet. I think sherlock asks John like "is that not good?" and John is like "as long as you're not actually gonna do it it's ok" and they keep cuddling.

idk it was a sweet and unusual one-shot that I'd like to reread :)

Hey Lovely!

OMG THIS ONE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY because I KNOW I've read it and I thought it had "heart" in the title and I cannot find it. I am going bonkers, omg. I'm so sorry I have spent a good hour clicking on fics and thinking it's the one and it's NOT. AAAAHHH.

Someone please help us! Because I know I liked this one too! <3

[burclay]

Better Days

Something is chasing the TARDIS, and the Doctor uses the Chameleon Arch to become human. The TARDIS, always ready to enable a paradox, crashes into 2004 London, and the human Doctor (known to her friends as Penny) gets a job in a department store while Yaz, Ryan, and Graham try their best to provide support, even when Yaz is strangely jealous of the Doctor's new friend.

~5k words prompted by/written for @hetzi-clutch AO3

Day 1

The TARDIS crashed right smack in the middle of London, the Doctor passed out on the floor, Yaz barely able to stand, Graham and Ryan both slumped against the console.

Slowly, Yaz pushed herself to her feet. The Doctor had done something to herself with a helmet, but her garbled explanation hadn’t actually explained much— Yaz just knew, almost instinctively, that they had to get the Doctor out of the TARDIS before she woke up. She hoisted the Doctor up, and Ryan picked himself up and took her other side. They walked out of the TARDIS together.

They managed to get the Doctor across the street and around the corner and settled on a bench to wait as the sun set.

The Doctor woke up somewhere between two and three in the morning. She barely registered Yaz, Graham, and Ryan, all still awake on the bench, instead mumbling something about needing to get home and immediately starting to walk.

Yaz jumped up to follow, Graham and Ryan trailing behind. They followed the Doctor through a side street and around a couple corners until they were at a council estate. Remembering the Doctor had said there’d be enough recognition in whatever was going on to let her friends in, Yaz took a deep breath, hoped she was right, and followed the Doctor into a flat.

The Doctor didn’t turn on any lights, and Yaz didn’t dare. In the darkness, though, she could make out a barebones living room, and as the Doctor went through a doorway she noticed a small kitchen. The Doctor went into one room, and Yaz went through a different doorway to find a small room with a bed and small window.

Her phone buzzed. She picked it up. It was Ryan.

Ryan: yaz what r u doing

Yaz: hoping this works.

She curled up on the bed, still fully dressed, and fell asleep on the bare mattress.

Day 2

Yaz woke up to almost sixty texts from Ryan:

Ryan: wtf yaz

Ryan: where r we supposed to sleep

Ryan: cmon

Ryan: u know its 2004 right

Ryan: w/e were going back to the tardis

Her phone, always accurate to the local time and date, said it was only eight in morning, which was good news for the part of Yaz that needed to figure stuff out, but bad news for the part that needed to get some sleep. She rubbed her eyes with a sigh and got up.

The Doctor was already in the kitchen. Of course she was. She looked up as Yaz came in.

“Morning,” she said, her tone disinterested. She opened the fridge. “Goodness, I’ve got to do some shopping, haven’t I?”

Yaz nodded, afraid to say anything.

“Suppose I should see about getting a job, too,” the Doctor added, closing the fridge. “Moved here without any sort of plan.”

Yaz nodded again.

“Still surprised it was so easy to find a roommate,” the Doctor added. “Hope this works out, Yasmin.”

“Yaz,” Yaz corrected automatically.

“Yaz, then,” the Doctor said. “And you call me Penny. Roommates should be friends too, yeah?”

“’Course,” Yaz said, and she tried to think how she was going to get a job in 2004 London.

Day 3

The Doctor— or, Penny, maybe— had somehow immediately managed to get a job at a department store with no references and barely an address.

Yaz hadn’t had such luck.

All her credentials— police work, EMT training, and so on— were completely useless when all of her certificates and ID cards said they were from 2018. She was considering enrolling in a new EMT course just for the chance to do something she actually liked. Ryan and Graham were hoping to move into the flat next door; Ryan had gotten hired at the same department store as the Doctor, and Graham had already gotten an interview with a bus company. So their rent was paid; it was only Yaz who had to worry.

Still, Yaz thought the whole thing was going all right, except she couldn’t quite figure out what the Doctor had done. They had been running from something, sure, but Yaz hadn’t understood what, and then the Doctor was yelling instructions like, “Don’t let me eat pears!” and, “If I tell you about weird dreams, just nod along,” and, “don’t let me lose this watch. This watch is me,” while she ran around the TARDIS. And now the Doctor was acting like a regular woman named Penny and living in a flat with someone she’d never met, and Yaz couldn’t figure out whether or not this was supposed to happen.

Day 7

It had been a week since they’d arrived in London.

Nothing much had happened. Yaz had started her EMT class— it was an eight-day class at the hospital, just down the street from the department store. She kept going down at lunch to keep an eye on Penny, but she could tell Penny was starting to get suspicious.

And at some point during the week, Yaz had realized that Penny really wasn’t the Doctor— sure, she was excitable, but she was much more self-conscious than the Doctor had ever been, and a little bit of a mess. She was never home, and when she was, she was making food from ungodly ingredient combinations and forgetting to wash her dishes until the next day. Not to mention that she was constantly losing her things and tearing the flat apart before realizing she’d had whatever it was in her hand (or under her bed, or on the counter) all along. But somehow she always managed to get up on time and dress nicely enough for work, and she did get to the dishes eventually, so Yaz didn’t say anything.

Day 10

Graham and Ryan were getting restless.

“How much longer are we going to be here?” Graham asked when they met in the TARDIS.

“I don’t know,” Yaz said. “Hope this EMT course wasn’t for nothing.”

“Of course that’s what you’re worried about,” Ryan said. “Rest of us are all out here trying to save the universe and all.”

“You’d worry, too, if you’d spent your last eight days retaking a class you aced,” Yaz said.

“If we wind up stuck here long enough,” Graham added, “you could go back in for your NVQ.”

“We wind up stuck here that long, I’ll hijack the TARDIS myself,” Ryan said.

Yaz wanted to hear a gurgle or a chime from the TARDIS, but she heard nothing— the TARDIS had been dark and dull since the Doctor had left. She walked back to the flat deep in thought.

Day 14

There was a lull after Yaz finished her EMT class— she was going to start work with the hospital soon, but for now she was just hanging around the flat, flipping through channels and trying to figure out how to fit into 2004 culture. It was boring, really, but Ryan and Graham were busy, and Yaz didn’t have anywhere in particular to go.

Which meant she was home when Penny brought a friend back to the flat.

Yaz was sitting on the living room sofa when Penny came in, already laughing as she opened the door.

“You’re full of it,” a girl’s voice said. Yaz craned her neck to see a flash of blonde hair and a pink T shirt.

“Promise you, it’s good ,” Penny replied. “I don’t invite people over for just anything.”

Yaz stood up, feeling a strange pang of something. She couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Who’s your friend?” she asked, hoping she didn’t sound bitter.

“Oh, hi, Yaz,” Penny said. “Thought you’d be at your class.”

“That ended,” Yaz said. “I start work next week.”

“Oh, congratulations!” Penny said. To her friend, she said, “Yaz’s been training to be an EMT.”

Yaz didn’t say that she had already been an EMT.

“That’s amazing,” Penny’s friend said.

“Isn’t it?” Penny grinned. “Anyway. Yaz, Rose. Rose, Yaz. Rose works with me in the shop. She’s brilliant.”

“Not so sure about that,” Rose said.

“Nice to meet you,” Yaz said, right over whatever reassurance Penny was about to give to Rose. The name sounded familiar, like she should be aware of something, but Yaz couldn’t figure out why— she had never met anyone named Rose.

“You too,” Rose said.

“Rose says custard creams won’t taste any good dipped in pickle juice,” Penny explained.

“Rose is right,” Yaz said. The Doctor had once tried to get Yaz to try the same combination; it hadn’t been good, to say the least. The pang of whatever-it-was got stronger.

“We’ll see,” Penny said, and she pulled Rose into the kitchen by one arm. Yaz went back to her room, ignoring the laughs and shouts from the kitchen.

Her phone buzzed.

Ryan: hold up did i just see the dr bringin someone home

Yaz: yeah, some girl from work

Ryan: oooohhhhh docs bringin home GIRLS

Yaz: what does that mean???

Ryan: u know ;)

Ryan: p sure she swings that way

Yaz: whatever

She tossed her phone aside and picked up one of her EMT books. First aid made sense— there were procedures, there were protocols, there were questions and answers and plans. No weird emotions about her newly human flatmate and her blonde friend.

But the unfamiliar emotions were still there, bubbling up, and finally Yaz put her book to the side and fell back onto the bed. Lying on her back, she looked up at the ceiling and tried to figure it out.

Penny having a new friend was weird.

Why was it weird?

After all, it was normal to have friends.

It was weird because Penny wasn’t really Penny, she was the Doctor, and her new friend wouldn’t know that.

It was weird because Penny was definitely being a little flirtatious with this friend, or maybe Yaz was just imagining that, but either way, it was hard to think of the Doctor being romantic, and now Penny was being all flirty with a girl from the shop.

It was weird because Yaz hadn’t realized the Doctor was even into women, or into anybody, really, and now Penny, who was sort of the Doctor, was maybe into a woman, and Yaz was—

Well.

It was just that—

Yaz was the one the Doctor dragged into the kitchen to try new things.

She was the one the Doctor introduced to new people.

She was the one the Doctor called brilliant.

She sighed. All this time travel stuff would have been much easier if she hadn’t gotten so attached to the time traveler.

Day 15

Yaz told Graham about Penny’s new friend the next day in the TARDIS.

“Her name’s Rose,” she said. “Do we do anything about it?”

Graham was silent for a moment.

“I don’t think so,” he said. “We have to let her live her life, don’t we?”

“I guess,” Yaz said. “Just feels weird. Human Doctor, having human friends. It’s so normal.”

Suddenly, Graham laughed, and Yaz narrowed her eyes.

“What?”

“I know what it is,” Graham said. “You’re jealous!”

“Am not!” Yaz exclaimed, a little too fast and a little too loud to be convincing.

Just then, Ryan burst in.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “What’s going on?”

“Yaz is jealous of Penny’s new friend,” Graham said.

“I’m not!” Yaz repeated.

“Oh, you so are,” Ryan said.

Yaz rolled her eyes.

“I don’t suppose there are any real updates,” she said.

“Nope,” Ryan said.

“Great,” Yaz said. “Then I’m out. Got to get ready for work tomorrow.”

Day 19

The EMT thing was hard , it turned out. Much harder than police, or at least the parking disputes Yaz had been assigned back in Sheffield. It meant she barely had time to recover from the long days, much less monitor Penny.

Fortunately, Ryan and Graham were keeping an eye on her, and doing a good job of it, saying hello in the halls, socializing at work, stopping by with a misplaced package, generally covering for Yaz’s absence.

It was Yaz’s third day as an EMT. She was exhausted, but she was also exhilarated. She was useful, she was helping people, and sometimes it was gross or scary or sad, but Yaz was thriving. It felt sort of like when they had been on that Tsuranga ship and the whole thing had been moments from blowing up when Yaz and the Doctor baited the Pting into the airlock— it was the same sort of adrenaline, the same problem-solving, the same sense of importance. Yaz was already thinking that when she got back to Sheffield she’d have to look into a career change.

But in all the excitement, she had half-forgotten Penny and her new friend and the consequences of Penny making any strong attachments. Until she got home around eight at night, ready to fling herself onto the sofa, and found Penny and Rose already there, watching telly. Their shoulders were touching, Yaz noticed, even though the sofa was large enough for them to have some space.

“Hello, Yaz,” Penny said as Yaz shut the door behind her. “Hope it’s all right Rose is here.”

“Yeah, fine,” Yaz said, too tired to care much. “I’ll just be making my dinner.”

“Hi, Yaz,” Rose said with a shy wave.

“Hey,” Yaz said, and went through to the kitchen, where she made the fastest meal she could and tried not to listen to Penny and Rose laughing together in the next room.

Day 21

Ryan: yaz

Ryan: yaz

Ryan: yaz

Ryan: yaz

Ryan: yaz

Yaz: Ryan you’re texting like the Doctor

Yaz: what’s up?

Ryan: i figured out why roses name sounds so familiar

Yaz: what do you mean?

Ryan: u said it sounded familiar

Ryan: remember

Yaz: yeah I guess

Ryan: yep

Ryan: i was just pokin around in the tardis

Ryan: trying to find better clothes for 2004

Ryan: but tht doesnt matter

Ryan: anyway

Ryan: found a pic

Ryan: hold up

<attachment: photo_184832929>

Yaz: oh my god

Ryan: yep

Ryan: thats her rite

Yaz: …yeah

Yaz: what does this mean?

Ryan: drs met rose before

Yaz: what do we do???

Ryan: not sure

Yaz: emergency meeting?

Ryan: ill tell graham

Yaz: cool, I’ll be in the TARDIS in 10

It actually took her more like fifteen minutes to get there, but given that Ryan had texted her just as her shift had ended, she thought that was pretty impressive. Ryan and Graham were already there, Graham leaning against one of the mostly-dark crystals, Ryan mostly horizontal on the floor. He sat up when he saw Yaz.

“Cool, you’re here,” he said. “What do you think?”

Yaz had been thinking about this pretty much non-stop since Ryan had texted her.

“Not sure,” she said. “I don’t know that there’s any harm in them being friends, as long as Rose doesn’t find out who Penny really is.”

“Have we figured out whether or not she’s met the Doctor yet?” Graham asked.

“I doubt it,” Yaz said. “She doesn’t seem like she’s had a lot of adventures in her life.”

“Do you think the TARDIS’d give us more information?” Ryan asked. He reached up and tapped at the console. “Please?”

Yaz eyed the dull central crystal.

“I don’t think it’s awake,” she said.

“Worth a shot,” Ryan said.

“If she doesn’t know the Doctor yet,” Graham said, “aren’t we risking some sort of horrible confusion?”

“Deffo,” Ryan said.

“To be fair, the Doctor’s life is pretty much entirely horrible confusion,” Yaz said. “And Penny really isn’t the Doctor. She’s definitely different. Plus, she met us just after she changed, remember? So she probably had a different face when she knew Rose before.”

“So you’re saying that as long as Penny doesn’t remember who she is, it’ll be all right?” Graham asked.

“I think so,” Yaz said.

“And what happens when she does remember?” Ryan asked.

“I guess she’ll figure out what to do,” Yaz said.

“Works for me,” Ryan said. “Can’t exactly go around trying to separate their friendship, after all.”

“Exactly,” Yaz said. “We’re in agreement?”

“Seems like it,” Graham said.

Ryan nodded.

“Great,” Yaz said. “See you two later?”

They said their goodbyes, and Yaz headed back to the flat, turning everything over in her mind. Rose. She couldn’t quite remember when the Doctor had mentioned the name.

The Doctor had said Yaz reminded her of Rose once. That was it. She had said Yaz was brilliant, and her smile when faced with danger reminded the Doctor of her old friend Rose.

Yaz’s chest felt empty. Once in the flat, she went straight to her room and tried to distract herself with books. It didn’t work.

She missed the Doctor.

Day 22

It was a Saturday. Yaz still woke up at eight— she had a shift scheduled later, anyway, so it was best to be prepared. Penny had a day off, but she rarely woke up before noon, so Yaz went to the kitchen, expecting to be alone.

Instead, she saw Rose, sitting on the living room sofa in a pair of Penny’s pajama pants and looking a little adrift.

“Morning,” Yaz said over the kitchen counter.

Rose jumped.

“Morning,” she said. “Sorry, I just didn’t want to wake Penny.”

“Good call,” Yaz said, pulling a box of cereal out of a cabinet. “She never gets up this early if she can help it.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Rose said. She yawned. “Might be a bit early for me, too.”

Yaz poured her cereal and drowned it in milk.

“D’you want any food?” she asked. “I have cereal. Maybe eggs, too.”

“Nah,” Rose said. “Never liked eating in the mornings.”

“Fair enough,” Yaz said. She stuck a spoon in her cereal and moved into the living room, sitting down next to Rose. The sunrise was giving a soft glow through the window. “Didn’t know you were here.”

“Sorry,” Rose said.

“It’s all right,” Yaz said. “You and th— Penny seem close.”

Rose looked down at that, a faint smile on her face.

“Yeah,” she said. “She’s nice.”

“You’re not— together, are you?” Yaz asked.

“No,” Rose said, looking up at Yaz with a jolt. “Nothing like that. I— I have a boyfriend.”

“But you’re spending the night in Penny’s bed?”

Yaz took a bite of her cereal.

Rose blushed.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Thought I was straight.”

“So did I,” Yaz said. She hadn’t meant to say it— she hadn’t even fully realized it. But in that moment, she realized it was true. She had thought she was straight, and she definitely wasn’t. “Only I met this woman, and she was really brilliant. And I couldn’t stop thinking about her all the time, and I always wanted to be with her. Turns out I was into her, big time.”

“What did you do?” Rose asked.

“Don’t know,” Yaz said. “Haven’t done it yet. Won’t see her for a while, in any case, so it doesn’t matter.”

Rose laughed.

“Fat lot of good you are,” she said.

“Oi, I’m plenty good,” Yaz said. “Just don’t have the life experience to back it up. I’m only twenty, you know.”

“I’m eighteen,” Rose confessed.

“So you’ve got plenty of time to work things out,” Yaz said.

“Suppose so,” Rose said.

“So,” Yaz said. “Want to see if there’s anything on the telly? We watch loud enough and Penny might even wake up.”

“I doubt it,” Rose said. “She seemed pretty fast asleep.”

“Sounds like a challenge,” Yaz said, but when she turned on the television she made sure the volume was low. She found a channel playing cartoons, and she and Rose settled in to watch (keeping, Yaz noted, a respectable distance between them).

Yaz was just getting up to get ready for her shift when Penny emerged from her room, her hair a tangled cloud above her head, squinting in the light.

“What happened to Rose?” she asked as Yaz passed her doorway.

“She’s in the living room,” Yaz said. “Been keeping her entertained, don’t worry.”

“Oh,” Penny said, looking a little taken aback. “Thanks, then.”

“No problem,” Yaz said, and passed Penny to get into her room.

As she left for her shift, she noticed Penny and Rose on the sofa again, shoulders touching.

Day 24

Graham: Saw something weird earlier.

Graham: Think it might be related to whatever we were running from.

Graham: Looked like one of those giant spiders, but with armor and more legs.

Yaz: where?

Graham: On my way home from the depot.

Yaz: oh no

Yaz: what do we do?

Ryan: gotta fight right

Yaz: how???

Graham: I’m not sure I’m up for that.

Ryan: yeah we get it ur old

Ryan: yaz??????

Yaz: no!

Yaz: I mean maybe if we can’t get the Doctor back in time

Yaz: do we get her back???

Ryan: maybe wait til we know 4 sure they found us

Yaz: seems like they found us!

Graham: Are you suggesting we should wait for last-minute danger before we act?

Ryan: sort of yeah

Yaz: no way!

Graham: He has a point. Part of this is evasion, is it not? There’s a chance they’ll leave without us.

Ryan: NVM NO CHANCE NO CHANCE

Ryan: THERES ONE OUTSIDE THE WINDOW

Ryan: ABORT ABORT

Ryan: YAZ CAN U GET THE DRS WATCH THING

Yaz: NO! I’m on my way to an emergency!

Ryan: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

Yaz: I don’t know where she keeps it but it’s definitely in her room or on her person somewhere

Yaz: don’t know if either of you can get to it but please try

Yaz: I’ll be home asap but I can’t just abandon this! lives are at stake

Ryan: YEAH LIVES ARE AT STAKE! IT’S OUR LIVES YAZ! OUR LIVES ARE AT STAKE!

Yaz: sry gtg

Ryan: w/e :-(

Ryan: guess ill go find a watch

Ryan: graham b back asap!

Graham: Got it.

By the time Yaz responded to the emergency, faked sick, and got back to the flat, she was faced with a strange scene. Ryan was outside the door to her flat, yelling, and three strange armored spider-like creatures, taller than Ryan and twice as long, were crammed around him on the balcony, clicking ominously. Yaz let out a relieved breath when she realized they hadn’t hurt him and didn’t seem to be planning to, only to tense up again when she heard a voice behind her. It was Penny.

“What’s going on?”

Yaz barely registered the spider creatures turning as she whirled around. There was Penny, hand in hand with Rose.

“Penny!” Yaz yelled. She ran towards her. “Penny, do you have a pocketwatch? Gold? Funny marks on the outside?”

Penny blinked.

“I suppose,” she said. “Don’t think about it much, do I?”

“Where is it?” Yaz asked. “Sorry, I wouldn’t ask, but it’s important.”

Penny patted at her jacket.

“Not on me,” she said. “Must be inside.” She took a step forward, towards the staircase, but the spider creatures clicked menacingly, and Penny immediately froze.

“I’ll get it,” Yaz said. “Stay here. Ryan, protect them!”

“What’s happening?” Rose asked.

“Sorry,” Yaz said. “Can’t explain. Don’t want to cause a paradox.”

“What?”

Yaz didn’t answer. She just ran, across the pavement, up the stairs. The spider creatures didn’t bother her as she pushed past them— their armor felt almost like Jello, Yaz registered, but that fact seemed far away, the least important thing in Yaz’s mind. She unlocked the door and darted inside, her breath heavy the same way it was when she was trying to find a patient. She ran into Penny’s room, said a silent apology, and started rifling through Penny’s things. Her room was a cluttered mess, of course it was, and Yaz dug through three drawers of junk before finding the watch.

She ran back outside. The minute she left the flat, the spider creatures began to advance on her— she looked at the watch in her hand, which was leaking a gold energy she remembered from just after she met the Doctor, and decided there was only one option.

She held the watch in both hands, bent her knees, and launched it over the railing.

The spider creatures immediately backed off. They began to scurry down the stairs, and Yaz ran to the railing.

The watch had shattered.

Golden energy was flowing in a steady stream from it to Penny— to the Doctor— to the woman staggering, still holding Rose’s hand, her eyes shut tight in pain, her muscles tensed. Yaz watched as the energy dispersed, and suddenly the Doctor was opening her eyes, turning, registering the woman next to her, registering the spider creatures, registering Yaz still on the balcony, Ryan in front of her.

“Doctor!” Yaz called. “They’ve found us!”

The Doctor was staring at Rose, opening and closing her mouth.

“Doctor!” Yaz called again. She looked around. The spider creatures were advancing, Ryan was trying to hold them off, Rose was looking lost— and the Doctor was still staring. In a moment of frustration, Yaz made a decision. She raced down the stairs, practically leaping past the spider creatures, and tackled the Doctor, pushing her to the ground.

“Oi!” the Doctor exclaimed. “What was that for?”

“Focus on the problem!” Yaz said, still on top of the Doctor. She felt suddenly awkward and rolled off, mumbling an apology

The Doctor lifted her head and looked around. Seeing the spider creatures, her mouth dropped open, and she jumped to her feet.

“I know you,” she said. “You were—”

The spider creatures clicked at her.

“Oh, all right, fine,” the Doctor said, mostly to herself. “If you insist.” She started clicking back in the spider creature language, an inhuman collection of sounds coming from her mouth. Yaz stepped back and fell into place next to Rose.

“You okay?” she asked.

“What’s happening?” Rose asked. “Is Penny some sort of superhero?”

“Something like that,” Yaz said.

The Doctor was still clicking back and forth with the spider creatures. Yaz watched as her gestures grew more and more animated, her face grew more and more serious, until finally the spider creatures backed away.

Ryan came up next to Yaz.

“Is that it?” he asked.

“Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is going on here?” Rose asked.

Yaz didn’t say anything. She was watching the Doctor with bated breath. The spider creatures had backed off, but the Doctor was watching them with the same look she had when she sonicked something and it hadn’t exploded yet— the look she had when she was waiting to see what would happen.

And then the spider creatures took another step back, and the Doctor relaxed, and Yaz let out her breath.

“I think it’s done,” she said.

Slowly, the Doctor turned. She seemed almost surprised to see Rose, Yaz, and Ryan standing there, and for a moment she didn’t move.

“Penny?” Rose asked.

“Sorry,” the Doctor said. “Not Penny. And I really shouldn’t be here.”

She approached, and Yaz could see a sadness settling into her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Rose,” the Doctor said, taking one of Rose’s hands in both of her own. “I have to go.”

“Who are you?” Rose asked.

“I can’t tell you,” the Doctor said. “Sorry. But you’ll see me again.” She held eye contact with Rose for a moment more, and then, not letting go of Rose’s hand, she turned her gaze to Ryan and Yaz. “Where’s Graham?”

“On his way,” Ryan said.

“I’ll text him,” Yaz added, taking out her phone.

“Thanks,” the Doctor said. She gave Rose one last look.

“Goodbye, Rose,” she said, and then she turned away.

After

“Who was she?” Yaz asked. She was in the TARDIS kitchen with the Doctor, drinking tea and thinking about the past month.

“An old friend,” the Doctor said.

Yaz sipped her tea. “Seemed nice.”

“She was brilliant,” the Doctor agreed. “Been a thousand years and I still think about her.” She shrugged. “Suppose it’s like that with everyone.” Something about the Doctor’s tone made Yaz doubt that, but she let it go.

“What even happened back there?” Yaz asked. “The spider things just sort of left.”

“I talked them down,” the Doctor said. “Time Lords took over their planet ages back, and now there’s a faction trying to kill all the Time Lords. Reasonable enough, I suppose, but I fought against that whole thing, and they’ll be hard-pressed to find any other Time Lords.”

“We hid for a month,” Yaz said. “And all you needed to do was talk them down?”

“To be fair, I didn’t know that at the time,” the Doctor said. “And they were angry! I couldn’t have asked.”

Yaz shrugged.

“Guess not,” she said. “Was an all right month, anyway. Learned some stuff. Got to meet one of your old friends.”

The Doctor exhaled.

“You weren’t supposed to,” she said. “Rose is— I’m not meant to see her again.”

“How do you know?” Yaz asked.

“She’s gone,” the Doctor said, her voice breaking. “Been gone for years now. In a parallel universe. Happy, but I can’t see her.”

“You can’t jump across?” Yaz asked.

“I’d tear apart the universe,” the Doctor said, her voice low, her gaze fixed a few inches ahead of her. For a moment, Yaz didn’t doubt the Doctor’s willingness to do just that, jump across, tear apart the world.

And then the Doctor’s gaze shifted, and the sense of recklessness dissipated.

“Can’t do that,” she added. “Quite like the universe.”

“I’m sorry,” Yaz said.

The Doctor shook her head.

“Don’t be,” she said. “Been a thousand years for me, since I said goodbye. Rose is happy. I— well— I have my better days. Being with you lot helps.”

“You said—” Yaz began, and then hesitated. “You said I reminded you of her.”

The Doctor looked at Yaz then, looked her right in the eye.

“You do,” she said. “You’re both so— so young. So hungry for adventure. So brilliant.”

Yaz’s heart felt warm all of a sudden.

“Let me know,” she said. “If you ever need anything. A cup of tea, someone to talk to, a hug.”

“Yasmin Khan,” the Doctor said. “I could always do with a hug.”

Yaz laughed and got up, stepping around the table to where the Doctor was sitting. The Doctor stood, and Yaz hugged her, holding her close and hoping maybe this could be one of the better days.