#which sometimes can be hard to tell
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Started playing Baldurs Gate 3 at 11am, blinked, now it's 2am and I decided to stop to preserve any hint of my sleep schedule
in other news i have reached act 3
#txts#this...was not fully as intended#i mean just chill and spend whole day gaming was#but not blink and woops time left me#well i have a late shift tomorrow...today so its fine#2am aka 2:40am so almost 3 tbh#i do fully love this game#and everyone in it#i say everyone but my two mains rly are astarion&shadowheart#spot 4 is for whoevers quest is relevant rn#which sometimes can be hard to tell#or have multiple ppl involved at the same time or very close to each other#but like....i dont wanna switch out#this has also become a group of mostly white/silver haired ppl#bc ofc i also gave my own character white hair-for the style ofc v-v#shadowheart i appreciate your journey but also-copycat#first wyll copies my looks (tief) and now her#anyhow i will go take a nap or whatnot and return to hell-i mean work#tomorrow....and do smth else beforehand idk what yet tho#either game for an hour or just do literally nothing#bc work soon so brain says we can't do anything actually until we go to work#and after work there is no time either nor energy-haaaa....life#bg3
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Creamthing d'or passant reguardant, by a sheaf of arrows percée ...and Montjoy also.
[creamthing is the creation of the inimitable @samsketchbook; despite this choice of adjective, I have nonetheless tried my best at a little heraldic creamthing]
#em draws stuff#creamthing#le roy d'armes des françois (dit montjoye)#<- look who has a montjoy tag now. only montjoy tagging because this is kind of nonsense.#sometimes the mood is creamthing heraldry. who can explain it who can tell you why.#midway through this piece I had a Weeping Session over the meaningfulness of like. Most of my art actually.#and then I took a break and redid the colors with sort of a red-yellow-blue forced focus which helped a lot#and also I decided that if you Believe in your silliness then it can be Meaningful Intertextuality.#the journey of creamthing. the journey of montjoy. creamthing as a pelican in its piety.#spent a Lot of time on heraldry wikipedia and then ancient archival scans of heraldry encyclopedias to try and get the description right#heraldic language is Hard and I still definitely didn't get it right but I Tried. and I like how it turned out :)
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the night window
#my art#1917#1917 film#1917 movie#william schofield#chat i think i like drawing scenes from tjis movie. can you tell#i know you only see the flare in the water reflection in this scene but. it looked cool i wanted to draw it lol#this was hard the lighting is so odd in ecouste#which is the point but still a pain to figure out#might draw ecouste again sometime just because the buildings look cool#my GUY sco he needs to stop being in my head#<<<//333
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Sorry ab the shitty English translations/localizations, it's bc they think that Americans won't get it otherwise (bc when we act stupid, we act REALLY stupid), our bad 💀
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#for the record- this is mostly a joke#i have .. alot of gripes with alot of it#but i know localization isnt easy this isnt supposed to hate on the people doing it#.............. i can still dislike it though#the most annoying part is that the largest .. or most accessible part of the fandom is english only and i have to deal with all the english#-versions which are always so darn different .. and sometimes stupid .. im sorry ....#one of the wildest things was watching a non english stream and the guy puzzling over a riddle in a shrine quest#and people posting him the english text of the quest that just ... spells out the solution#AND then complaining about how bad the german one is bc he and others seemed to assume english is the center language of everything#ITS A RIDDLE#ITS NOT A RIDDLE OF YOU DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT#not plainly telling you the solution to a (not even that hard) puzzle isnt a sign of bad translation !!!!!!!!!! TOT#im not beyond being dumb btw#a few shrines in totk i left bc i freakign forgot the stupid abilities#but thats ok!!!! i went back at some point and thought man was i stupid#and thats not a bad thing!! maybe thats why all the shrines where so piss easy in general#so as few people as possible can get stuck on some .. whichs is so ... pls .. i want to think#let me get mad for a minute even if im not in a good mood and then return and see my own stupidity#....but also the shrines in totk just werent fun (to me to meeeee to meeeeee)#nigh all of it was just fiddling around with ultrahand ... and not even building anything fun- glue wheel to platform- shrine done yippiiie#make bridge- yippiiii- ...nevermind how you can pretty much skip everything all the time so easily (which i didnt do .. still wasnt that fu
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do you guys ever think abt v1 getting stained more and more with blood as they go thru hell and ending up looking like v2. like ik that not how it work but man even in death theyre still there yknow. like how v1 keeps v2 alive technically thru their arms.
#always found it interesting that often i cant tell which is which in v4v art unless its coloured#even so with the blood on v1 often its hard to tell as well#perhaps during the v2 battles v1 ends up looking exactly like v2 basically#especially with the knuckleblaster#this also makes me think about how in fanart a lot of the times#especially for v4v but this applies to basically any ship fanart#its always just a mess of tangled limbs and metal#you cant separate one from another#thats the connection between violence and romance here i think#‘o mah gahh my shape language and clear silouhettes’#sometimes happy mistakes happen and become glorious#like how genetic mutations lead to an overall stronger species with a high survival rate#you can tell im running on 6 hrs of sleep#ultrakill#v4v#i still love v4v#i think im just a sucker for hatefucking intrinsically entertwined enemies that feel no technical attraction to each other#its because i cant feel romantic attraction well thats why 😂
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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another thing i love about dungeon meshi along with how theres adequate time given to every character that matters! Is that like. Along with no "every single character in supporting cast gets put on the backburner in favor of MC / other character development" is that theres also no "god these characters are all so boring except that one guy who is tragic and compelling" bc they all have the same capacity for compelling tragedy (and such).
And it also doesn't feel like when ppl tack on as much Bad Things onto a characters life just to emphasize tragedy or hardship... Theres a good balance in each of em. The recent leaked izutsumi dark lore implication drop wasn't even in the main story and it doesnt feel like that quirky "i love torturing my ocs! 🤪🤪🤪🤪 (Literally just throwing everything into one pot)" sentiment i see here often if that makes sense. It doesn't feel Edgy ykwim
#i cld never do this. fully balancing individual characters alone is hard enough#but padding out individual characters with hardships that can sometimes parallel each other#or make you have to Think about it further in a show not tell way#WITHOUT also making you roll your eyes because of how edgy it is but instead giving enough for adequate enjoyment#regardless of which character u fixate on. is really good#that was my point ykwim. im here fixated on thistles tragedy because well. but its not bc he's my only option#i guess thats also the wonder of it like I can really only write from what I know (or experience thru others experiences)#so having a variety of characters#that draw in intrigue from different people in the same cast is so#i hope that makes sense?#OH WAIT MY TAGS CUT OFF#its so amazing like theres smthng there for everyone#talkys
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i keep thinking about a phandom book club, but i have no idea how to go about organizing it or if anyone would be interested or even where to host it
alternatively is there already a phandom book club i could join? because i would love that
#tbh my first thought is TheStoryGraph bc they have group/buddy reads but idk if anyone else uses that much#there's discord (which im not super familiar with even though i have used it)#or making a separate community here#or i guess fable but i truly dont know how anything works over there#plus like... yes there's a few names i can think of who might be in but overall idk!#and i dont want to put pressure on anybody either#i am terrible at reaching out and staying in contact and all that. always have been. even though i think about people all the time#im just not very good socially and im so worried about coming across a certain way or saying the wrong thing#so more often i keep to myself and i think sometimes i come across like i dont care or standoffish or something#but that's not it. i care so much i just get scared that it's too much or in the wrong ways.#im better at hiding but i know i need to get over it. its just hard.#(and i tell myself you know..#'not feeling lonely i just like being alone' but it's less true than i like to think it is#ANYWAY feelings dump aside i think a book club would be fun. i just dont know how to go about it.#ks talks
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casey is obvs funny with this rivalry stuff because on the one hand he's very 'well I don't care who I beat' (lie) and 'I don't motivate myself using my rivals' (also a lie) and then he's also repeatedly emphasising that valentino was ONE of his biggest rivals and he only competed against him a few years... like a lil side quest in the story of his career. Those Few Years where valentino was his big rival. whereas dani and jorge were his cohort so he did compete with them for a greater span of time... and this is technically true and does MATTER but it is also extremely noticeable in his output which rivalry he has the most thoughts about. and yes casey would say that this is because everyone ELSE cares the most about That One Rivalry the most and also his opponent being an annoying dickhead means it's the one he has the most complaints about... but at a certain point, it doesn't really matter, because there's still one rivalry you're talking about way more than any other. you can tell that he's at least given jorge's interiority a bit of thought, kinda went 'well he was arrogant but also Learnt From The Error Of His Ways and was maybe misunderstood so' -- but also he's not going beyond that, he's not examining jorge's soul, and he's not even doing any of that with dani. it's very much a rhetorical commitment to those other two rivalries. ultimately the point is that he's doing what he can to not talk up his biggest rivalry TOO much, because, you see. he Did Not Care That Much. (lie.) now objectively speaking this kind of framing literally does not matter, who cares which one of these was the most meaningful rivalry, but it's interesting that it matters to him!! casey's problem is that he is extremely sensitive and cares deeply about what other people say about him, but one of the things he's most sensitive about is the idea that he could let himself be mentally affected by ANYTHING, worst of all his rivals. they cannot be granted that much power over him. and all of this has kinda funny consequences in that he has pretty rigid patterns in how he talks about this stuff that are at times quite convoluted because he has to simultaneously emphasise that a) none of his rivals massively mattered to him, b) That Rival didn't matter more than the others, c) what That Rival did to him was completely beyond the pale, and d) none of that affected him mentally whatsoever. at most one of these is true. there are so many things casey wants so badly not to care about but it keeps spilling out of him anyway, this oozing sludge of resentment and repressed hopes and desires and frustration and longing and bitterness. he keeps giving himself away... he cares so much and he can't stand it
#i do feel bad sometimes using a clip from when he was like. eighteen as my smoking gun piece of evidence for the prosecution#but come on. that valencia 2003 clip is insanely telling. like yeah right you loved beating a guy sponsored by the circuit#it's kinda like dyke!vale tormenting his first gp rival into throwing in the towel. those are the Key Character Traits they're exhibiting#//#brr brr#heretic tag#i do also think there's some interviews where there's like. some real retconning. like casey that was Not You#that one interview where he was going in HARD about how jorge/dani were confused about how happy he was for them winning#and like casey buddy there's an element of truth to but you could be a notoriously sore loser!! mr 'a podium this far off isn't worth it'#and it's partly stuff he's talked about before with how self-critical he was... but of COURSE it could come across as unpleasant#i am doing my best not to get repetitive so this is the LAST time i am airing this complaint for a couple months at least#but the problem is if you have the starting point of him as like. a straight talking straight shooter or whatever#you do automatically miss a lot of the nuance with which he's constructing his own image#it's honesty based on vibes rather than literal honesty. u can be blunt and calculating idk what to tell u#im so fascinated if the jorge wheelchair story is true... i recently remembered it was also in the broadbent book#and that ducati pr people had like. gotten mad about it. which does fill one or two gaps and makes me think maybe it DID happen#idk there's something quite revealing about it!! casey isn't just a dickhead in the classic athlete mould. he's got a *nastiness* to him#all the aliens are occupational dickheads. only two of them i'd say have a real inclination towards nastiness
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sneeping with his legs up over his head for some reason... weird boye
#cats#love the second picture... skrungly sleepy well rested boye face...#since he's an elderly boy now sometimes when he wakes up from a nap he looks a bit scruffy and squinty eyed#Hard to beleive he's like 15 though.. he still looks like a kitten to me.. due to his giant round creature eyes and childlike demeanor#I think it's interesting that like... baby cats are babies. kittens are kittens. and you can tell a cat is like 'young adult' phase#looking from like a few months to maybe 1yr or 2yrs.. but after that they just always look the same to me#a 5 yr old cat is a 10 yr old cat is a 15 year old cat. unless the cat in question is particulalry aged or youthful#I still have so so little energy... it's been icy here this week. like not even FUN but just scary icy even thoguh i lOOOVE the cold#and its my favorite weather. I think it'd be okay actually if I had a woodburning stove/fireplace/hearth thing. literally thats my only#concern with the power going out. I genuinely don't mind stuff like having to go to the bathroom in buckets or cook over a fire or do other#less conveninet things. Its just that if eveyrhtng is electric then you have no way to cook and all of that. well.. and I literally need#background noise to go to sleep lest my ocd sprials become so loud I am slowly driven into maddness.. but a few battery packs or something#and a phone with one downloaded video I could play on repeat is fine for that. I dont need internet. ANYWAY.. so so sad that my fav#orite season ever (winter) is here. and the first cold of the winter is like... just an ice storm that you cant even walk in. I#love like 4 feet of snow where you can play in it and stuff. But just a thin flat sheet of a few inches of ice over every imaginable surfac#is not really playable. the wind speeds are so high and so many trees fall it's actually not that safe to go hang out outside anyway unless#you were in a totally clear open field. which is SAD also because i love ice and high winds. i love to stand out there and get whipped in t#he face with ice crystals and feel like I'm in some dramatic movie or something. but alas.. the threat of being attacked by a falling tree.#I did go out some but again it's like. literallyyou cant walk on it. so I just squatted and dragged myself along the ground lol#One of my stories has a whole section where the main characters are trapped in a deadly cold environment for a week and have to use magic#to survive and etc. etc. so I'm always like.. ouuu.. I should go in the ice.. it's Writing Research actually.. *foolishly gets frostbite*#THOUGH yesterday I went on a harrowing evil journey down a bunch of icy hilly roads to go check on some person's cat because the cat#had been left in the house for like 5 days at that point with nobody to check on them and nobody else seemed to want to do anything#about it (like call all of the neighbors or try to get someone out there) so I just went myself with a roommate who agreed to drive me.#It seemed acting totally normal and I gave it more food and water but.. I am still worried about it.. Apparently the person will be able#to get back to their house tomorrow but.. I dont trust them. But I couldnt take the cat with me because it's like.. a stranger's cat#basically and also no carrier + very skittish.. so I feared if I just tried to carry them bare handed they'd definitely leap from my grasp#and then it'd be like.. sliding on a sheet of ice chasing a cat and so on.. I still think they need to be watched for health issues tho >:|#ANYWAY.... many cat adventures lately... and strange weather... I wish for a normal week without always so many Things Happening.. augh
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love how the older skaters in the senior division give Yurio encouragement and that each time it pisses Yurio off. JJ is intentionally condescending so that makes sense, but with Viktor and Yuuri they're not even being condescending. Yurio's just dialed in on being a hater... and i love that for him <3
#'plot twist i LOBV you' -Yuuri#'i am going to skin you alive' -Yurio#yuri on ice#sometimes he is a teenager#he's got so much fury in his tiny body. and yet he is also just an earnest lad. i find him sooo funny silly#which he would hate me for!!#I recall a meta post about Otabek being the first one to verbally recognize how hard Yurio devotes himself to skate and I really dig that#like I think Yurio's frustration is justifiably rooted in how little others take him seriously despite his life-consuming dedication#I DO think he is over the top and i enjoy this; for it is entertaining.#but i also think his feelings are genuine and he is a complex little guy.#i'm thinking of him sharing his grandpa's food with Yuuri and being emotionally vulnerable with him at the waterfall#Yurio is a hater on his opponents (and Viktor) but I think on some level he recognizes the genuine care Yuuri+Viktor show him#I think Yurio doesn't understand how they can be encouraging to him while also taking him seriously#Cuz Yurio is so wary of his elders dismissing him#so older skaters being friendly translates in his head as 'they dont think i can beat them / they dont see me as an equal'#But I think when these relationships are removed from that competitive atmosphere Yurio DOES see how they care and he appreciates it.#It would be so sweet to see an older Yurio reflect on this time and realize that Viktor + Yuuri + others DID take him seriously#and just because they were fond of him it doesnt mean they didnt appreciate his talent.#tbh being a young athlete must be such a mindfuck and idk how these bitches do it. send tweet#yuri plisetsky#yoi meta#queue#my words#AWW right after writng this i watched the part where Yurio starts yelling encouragement to Yuuri#who internally tells himself 'i got more stamina than that fuckin Yurio mf' (paraphrasing lol)#they switched love languages <3 cheerleader & hater role reversal
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do you guys want to see how much work i put into editing these graphics. there is a cost:benefit analysis to be made and im not sure i’m on the right side of it but nonetheless. original version on the left (with a filter over the top ones so you can see what was removed), cleaned up version on the right.
#i know people can kind of tell they’re cleaner & as u can see its more obvious if there’s a colour than if its just b&w#but it’s hard to actually see the difference#u have to do this by hand it takes absolutely ages but it’s sort of meditative#‘how do you know considering it’s so invisible you have to actually tell people which is the cleaned up one’#people comment on my clean scan source sometimes gfhjglhf#i like this i don’t want to reveal the man behind the curtain u know but they’re not clean scans#i just spend hours removing the artifacting by hand for. some reason.
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I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless
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there is not enough caffeine in the world to address how tired i am 🥴
#it's the 12 year anniversary of my father's death and i just couldn't sleep well :/#not to mention how fucking hot it was last night????#but yeah#the more time passes the more it kinda eats at me#it should be the other way around but my relationship with my dad was complicated and i'm still trying to process it#i used to post on fb about it every year but i can't handle the onslaught of his friends telling me what a great guy he was#and how well they all knew him and i never had that relationship with him#it's selfish but it hurts knowing i was like a stranger to him#i have so few photos with him and so few memories#most of them were on facebook which his ex wife didn't hesitate to delete the moment he died#also i hate thinking this way but he had a huge estate when he died like $500k or something like that with heaps of community donations#and from that i got... $1400...#it's pointless but sometimes i wonder if life wouldn't have been so hard if i had gotten some of that money :/#anyway despite all this i do love him and miss him#i can still remember the way his voice sounded when he would call out my name after not seeing me for a while#and he was the only one who would listen to me talk at length about steampunk and anime#when i did get to see him he would always try to share quirky things from his childhood with me#i miss him so much#i always thought i'd have a chance to connect with him when i was older but he died so suddenly the chance never came#the same with my brother#i wish i could talk to them one last time and tell them i love them
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saw a post complaining abt the erik having a family storyline & how it’s ooc and garbage screenwriting… babes. it’s from the comics…
#x men#x men apocalypse#erik lehnsherr#like granted it could’ve been handled better#but as someone who also has a hard time not logic-ing the shit out of everything#sometimes u also gotta accept that ppl have nuances#even if it doesn’t entirely make sense#and unfortunately w films having to condense plots and characters so much#it’s inevitable that not all character development is going to get screen time#which is a DAMN shame#bc i personally would love to see erik pursuing a normal life#bc i think alot of it comes from charles telling him he is capable of good#but that’s a whole nother can of worms
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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