#which since I don't plan to publish it feels like a waste

[brucethewannabebard]

A new approach

So anyone who stumbles across this blog of mine will be quick to notice that during the majority of its active existence I have been, and so far still am, going through a lot emotionally. So I figured I would take this time to make a post talking about the purpose of everything I put here, as well as to outline what is next for me. I don't actually think anyone will find it or care, but I am the type to do things like this for posterity's sake.

So I write what I write here to have an outlet for the emotions I feel. As such everything I have posted has been rough draft, stream of consciousness raw feelings. Any attempt as structure or pattern evolved naturally as I wrote and I have done little to no editing on any of these posts. Certainly I haven't gone so far as to revamp or polish any of them. Mostly cause I didn't have a point too. These post will continue as long as I have feelings and thoughts that cry out for expression and escape. But it is now part of a bigger project.

You see as part of my desperate plan to heal a hurt that very well may never go away I am currently working to do the craziest thing I have ever done. I am planning to build a raft, and thru-boat the Mississippi River. I will start up in Minnesota and float down to New Orleans. This in itself is an experience that other have done and continue to do. To make it a bit more me, I am planning to hunt and fish the whole way down and live off the land for the entire trip. I have done a fair share of these activities in the past, and always do them as humanely and respectfully as possible. I do not hunt for fun, and try to use as much of the animal as possible. This means for approximately 60 days I will be living solely off of my ability to catch or gather food.

I plan fully to keep writing and keep a journal as I do this. It is unclear as of now if I will be doing this trip alone, or if I will have a traveling companion. I got to thinking that the adventure might make a good travel story, maybe for a blog or memoir or something. I now plan to interconnect it with my writings here. I am now writing out the tragic events that led me to where I am now, as well as what motivated me to give this venture a try. Assuming the trip is at least relatively interesting I will then combine it with the tragedy of my life over the last 5 years, and use my semi poetic therapy posts on here to tie together things thematically.

The end result should be what I hope is a moderately interesting and insightful read, but more importantly I am hopeful that by framing everything into a project like this I can gain some kind of closure or clarity on things and maybe find a way to move forward with my life.

I will almost certainly not do anything in regards to publishing said work, as I am generally a private person when it comes to my personal life. Plus while this trip is likely to be interesting, having not done it yet I am going to guess that it will be less eventful than when Huck Finn went down the river. As such, I am sure it would in the end be a boring read. But I do think it is important I take the trip, that I chronicle the journey, and that I write out the story of love and loss that broke me.

So if I have no intention to publish it, and indeed not even the knowledge of what level of interesting the trip is yet, why am I writing this out? Well to put simply, I have a million and one reasons to not bother with this plan. I can just say it is too hard to do, make excuses. The things I have done my whole life. In which case I will continue life in mediocrity always wondering what would have happened if I really took a leap and did something a bit irresponsible. So this post stands as a way of putting out some kind of promise. Like maybe the idea that someone else can see this makes it not just and idea but some kind of mission I must deliver on. So if you took the time to read this, thank you. The knowledge that someone might see this is going to be what gives me the courage to follow this through.

I plan to build the boat at the start of 2024, and complete the trip in the spring. This is my promise to myself, and anyone else who may stumble across this, that I will do something exciting for once. That I will take the time to do something worth doing for once, and hopefully find the pieces of myself that I lost over the last half decade. So if you are seeing this some time later in the year, or after the trip should have been completed, and by some miracle you are curious about how it went or is going, feel free to ask. I have let myself down for so many years, that the thought of failing others might be what I need to keep going, at least for now.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Not to be a downer, but I actually finished my novel and now I’m confused because I don’t want to publish it. I don’t even particularly want anyone other than maybe my two close friends to even read it. What on Earth did I write 40k words (which I know is not really long enough for a novel, but it’s still far and away the longest thing I’ve ever written) for? I know people say “write for yourself” but like… am I just wasting my time? Help?

(p.s. you can leave this off anon)

(p.p.s your blog is really great 👍)

There's No Such Thing as Wasted Writing

I'm going to tackle this two ways...

#1 - "Write For Yourself" - there's a reason this common phrase has echoed through the Hall of Writers since time immemorial. It's because it's true! Writing doesn't have to be anything more than a pastime. It doesn't have to be anything more than something you do for your own benefit and enjoyment.

I have an in-joke with family members about how any time one of us does something the least bit crafty, DIY, skilled, whatever, a particular family member will always say, "You did a great job! You should do it for a living!" Like, someone can't even crochet a Kawaii mushroom without being pressured to turn it into an Etsy dynasty, or paint a cabinet without being pressured to become the next Property Brothers. And that's such a BANANAS capitalistic mindset, isn't it? This idea that nothing can be done purely for our own enjoyment. That you can't just write a novel because you want to... you can only write it if you plan to share it or publish it? It's just so silly.

And, the thing is, we don't even apply that mentality to a lot of other things people do purely for enjoyment. No one is streaming all of Bridgerton in two nights and saying, "I enjoyed every second of that, but why did I do that? Such a waste of time!" No one spends an hour strumming their guitar under the stars on a beach, and then says, "That was so relaxing and fun, but I didn't charge for that performance and I didn't record it to sell it, so that was obviously a waste of time."

You know what I mean?

#2 - And Anyway, Practice Makes Perfect - And if you keep writing--even if you continue not to share or publish--you'll get better and better with each story you write. Which, maybe all that means is you get to appreciate your own improvement, but also, should you ever change your mind and decide to write something to share or publish, you've now spent time honing your skills. Even if those other stories never see the light of day, they're still an important foundation of the writer you become. Do you know how many unpublished novellas, novels, and short stories I have? Too many to count. Hundreds of fan-fiction and original fiction short stories I've only shared with one or two other people, if anyone. A dozen or so novels and novellas that have only been read by a few people, and some haven't been read by anyone else or have only been read by my CPs. I would never consider those stories and novels and novellas to be a waste of time, because I know every single one made me a better writer. My published work is better because I wrote those other things.

So, I hope that makes you feel better. At the very least you hopefully enjoyed writing your novel--or at least got something out of it--and you definitely honed your writing skills, which matters! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[your-girl-mj]

morning after [1610!miles × f!reader]

summary: morning after with hangovers and your sweet boyfriend miles

warning: mama rio in early mornings /jk

note: she/her for reader, he/him for miles. aged up!miles and reader <3

created: august 10, 2023

published: august 15, 2023

first part | second part.

[name] woke up feeling wasted the night before, which is true. she blinks the lights out until she gets used to it. looking around, she just figured out she's in miles's room.

she was scooted to the far corner of the bed, blanket neatly tucked her in, with an empty side of the mattress.

the girl slowly sat up, and she was hit with a major headache. hammering into her brain. a groan left her lips before she lay down again to make it stop.

[name] was rubbing the side of her head when miles came into his room. "hey. morning, baby." he was holding a bowl of freshly made soup, with a towel hanging on his arm. he spoke so softly to her, scared that any loud sounds would make her hangover worse.

"hi," matching his tone, she looked confused at the bowl in his hands as miles gave her a peck on her crown. "what's this?"

"breakfast, i made it." he grinned proudly. with a twip sound, he shot a web to glass of water at the table across the bed. when he retrieved it, the water spilt and wet the floor, "oh shoot—!" he was quick to send a sheepish beam

a giggle erupted from her throat, "you're such a dork." miles laid the towel on her lap and put the bowl in her hands.

"don't eat it yet," then taking off to get towels on his drawers, muttering; "didn't think that one through."

"¿mijo, estás bien por ahí?" mrs morales' voice is heard from outside the room, [name] peak at the agape door she saw her cleaning the kitchen. she's cleaning the mess miles made. [son, are you okay over there?]

"buenos dias, señora." the girl greeted, slowly sitting up again, as mrs. came in the room. not noticing miles hanging the now wet towel by his window sill next to his newly washed jacket. [good morning, mrs.]

"¡buenos dias, mija!" her voice made a slight knock on the brain, but [name] smiled warmly at her mother-in-law. "¿ya te lo comiste? miles lo hizo solo para ti." [good morning, daughter!] [did you already eat it? miles made it just for you.]

"not yet, but i'm sure it's good—" the girl was about to sip, but mrs. morales stopped her before she could get a taste. the spoon full was frozen in mid-air as she waited for the woman's words, thinking she did something wrong.

"ah!" a single sound makes it feel like you did something you should've. "mijo, feed her. i'm getting her some aspirin." with that, she left the room, leaving the door open for reasons.

"i was gonna before you came in," miles muttered a comment, rolling his chair closer to the bed, smiling at his girl who mirror it back.

"what did you just say?" mrs morales swiftly turned to face where his room is. her tone is blaring enough to be heard loud and clear. hands rested on her hips with a deep frown.

"i said, i was already planning to, mama!" miles cupped a hand over his mouth, not wanting to make [name]'s hangover worst. "sorry 'bout the noise, [nickname]." he sends a sheepish grin, stirring the soup, then scooping a spoon full and feeding her.

the two can hear mrs. morales muttering along the lines of, "if i heard one bad mouth, i'll ground him for three months. mummbling and muttering, i will woop his—" and the rest is mystery.

"its okay," she replied once swallowed, "i like lively mornings with you," [name] rested her hand over his, a beam never seems to left her features, "any morning with you, to be honest. it's been a while since i stayed over." with that, she continued to eat as he fed her. mrs. morales order's.

miles feel the same warmth in his heart at his girl. thinking about it, it's been a while since they spent the night together, and it's because he's busy being spiderman, a son, and a student all together. he only has a little time to be her boyfriend.

he soon feels guilt in his chest once again, the same one he felt last night. he now knows what she meant when she said he cancelled another date. sober [name] said it was fine while drunk [name] is saying she feels unloved.

they do say drunk words are sober thoughts.

before miles can bring up the topic, his dad already there to join the chaos. "what's the fuss all about?" he gave his wife a bear hug from behind. he's already in uniform, ready for work.

"my daughter has a hangover," mrs. morales stated, she finally found the medicine, and strolled her way back. those words never fail to make [name] melt on the spot.

"kidnapping is illegal." mr. morales reminded her, making himself a cup of coffee. his wife ignored his words and set water on the table as well as the aspirin the girl needed.

"drink this once you're done eating. miles, you're in charge of her." she gave him a firm look before pulling the door to only a few inches open.

"i'm starting to think she loves you more than me," miles shrugged, taking a few sips on the soup as well before feeding his girl. his eyes are literally heart-shaped as he looks at her lovingly.

"sorry, you have to find it this way, babe," [name] matches his tone, drawing a chuckle from her s/o. after a short moment, she leaned to his headboard with a sigh. "sorry, i got drunk. you probably had a hard time getting me home," she refused to meet his eyes, playing with the helm of the blanket on top of her.

"nah, it's cool. you're adorable when you're drunk." he kissed her on the nose, which she crunched up in process. "do you remember anything yesterday?" thinking she might be able to recall what she said to him.

as miles fetch her water and medicine, she couldn't help but get curious. "no. did we swing to your room?"

"if we did, the streets in brooklyn will be close for major clean up." his hand was fast to catch the thrown book at him, just seconds after his spider sense activated. he spun to face her, dorky beam is present to his face.

his girl only narrowed her eyes at him, "i don't know if i should be pissed or attracted to you right now." miles only shook his head with a laugh.

he thought back what her words were about last night. he wanted to make things clear and apologise for cancelling his dates with her more often than he intended.

she did say she doesn't drink, but why change that last night? he thought about it. clogs working on his brain before he was hit with reality. but he wanted to confirm it before assuming.

"is there any reason why you..drink last night?" miles asked gently and worried at the same time, not wanting to make her taken back with the sudden question.

"uh.. i kinda wanna know what it tastes like and... i guess i lost track.." it was the hesitancy in her voice that made his assumption higher. "this thing tastes amazing, by the way. i didn't know you had a chef dna in your blood." [name] smiled lightly, holding the bowl up then setting it to his bedside table.

changing the topic, he thought. "what can i say? i'm a genius," he hid his flustered expression with a smirk. miles hand her the aspirin, sitting beside her on his bed. miles watched her chugged up the water. once she was done, he started, "y'know, you can tell me anything, right?" taking her hand in his. miles' other hand put the cup away, right next to the bowl.

as the heat of his palms envelopes hers, it made her lean her body to him, swallowing the heat of his body, head on his shoulder. miles gladly accepts the gesture, wrapping his arms around her. "i know you basically know all my secrets." chuckling, she played it cool.

miles rest his head on top of hers, breathing out a sigh, "not all of them.." pulling her to his lap, just letting her rest. he peaked the crown of her head. "¿Por qué bebiste hermosa?" [why did you drink, beautiful?]

[name] can tell he was worried, she also feels a little guilty. miles let her play with the helm of his shirt, folding and unfolding, tugging it, wrinkling it. whatever made her to process her words to say. "i don't know.."

"you don't know?" his hands tapping on her thighs, before drawing — doodling on her back with the tip of his finger. they're completely relaxed to each other, to the point they didn't see mrs. morales sneaking a picture of them, then letting them be.

"i was... feeling kinda lonely, i guess.." she crumbled the bottom of his shirt, "i don't really know.." she whispered, dancing around the truth. she's too embarrassed to admit that she misses him dearly,

they've been like this for almost a year. few months after miles became spiderman, he's always there for her.

they still have time together, but after a few times of miles missing a date or hangout... those few times became often. and she feels like she's his best friend again, just.. hanging around for a short while before he leaves.

"y'know, you told me you feel unloved because i always cancelled our dates..." miles feel her hands stopped fidgeting, her state completely frozen. "is it true?"

when [name] only stayed quiet, he suck his teeth. "hey, it's okay if you do. i won't cancel on you again, i promise you."

"...i—" she took a breath, "i don't want to feel like a priority to you..." miles frowned at that, "you're already busy being spiderman, and with your studies not to mention with your parents, i don't want to squeeze myself in there—"

[name] was unable to finish as his lips pressed into hers, miles pulled away from a second, looking at her briefly before locking their lips in a kiss again.

once pulled away, the girl is in awe for a short amount of time before hiding into his neck. miles gave her ear a kiss, whispering. "you don't have to squeeze yourself in. you're already in it." sighing, disappointed to himself, "it was my fault.."

"miles..." she shook her head, ready to deny his words.

"no, don't deny it." he pulled away, looking at her beautiful face, cupping it in his hands. "I've been a bad boyfriend to you for so many months now... and i'm really sorry, sunflower.." [name] feel her heart skip a beat at the old nickname he always call her when they started their relationship, where everything was perfect.

the nickname brought both nostalgia.

"i wanna make it up to you, and not just flowers, chocolates, and some drawings." holding her hands in his, he kisses each and every finger and knuckles, "i want to make it up to you in a real date, without any interpretations. just me and you." his eyes held hope and determination. he doesn't want to mess this up.

[name] feel a smile crept to her lips before it was wiped out and worry was replaced. "but miles, what if—"

"dad can handle it." miles immediately answered, but her expression didn't change, she feels like she would be the reason why someone would get hurt because spiderman didn't show up. "they'll be okay. it will only be once in a while. there are no super villain on the loose for them to need me. dad can handle a few criminals."

the smiled he adored came back, making him mirror it. "okay," she nodded, pulling him into her once again, "i missed you."

"i missed you too, sunflower."

sorry for not posting sooner, writer's block beat me like miguel beating miles (child abuse /jk) 😔

[louroth]

Hello hello everybody! It is time for another months progress, and I am so excited to share with you, all the things I have gotten my grimy little gremlin hands on. First off, what we are all here for; writing. I have been on fire, to be honest! Last month I churned through the last of the first batch of erotica stories (there's 6 (!!!) of them on my patreon already) and set them up for publishing along with two more unseen ones- I'm still going over the logistics of where to publish for the best revenue (I know this sounds boring, but I have to make an income somehow, and hopefully find another audience as a smut writer on other platforms 💀 I love writing it so why not!), and I am making headway, learning the ins and outs of self publishing. On patreon, there are also two Q&A's that are written in a bit more fictional manner, in character: a more fun way than just writing answers straight up and down. I have enjoyed those so much! There's a bunch of other stuff I haven't even mentioned- honestly, I have to say, I'm really proud of my output on Patreon even though I have been really anxious about writing full time. It's going great! I have to thank my new friends and support-network on discord; you make this all worth it. I cannot express how fun it is to shoot the shit with you in vc, gaming together, or seeing your shenanigans in gen or your in depth theories (thanks for the brainworms!) or memes or staring longingly at the fanfic channel or drooling over your art (ouro related or not) or... Gah. You are just amazing people, and I will waste no opportunity in saying so. Thank you forever and ever and ever an-

When it comes to OUROBOROS, I am happy to announce that the next chapter is damn near done! I was halted because of the discovery that dashingdon is no longer supported by it's creator, and have been working on the twine version ever since, earlier than I expected- it's tough work, but I am so excited to make this an actual game made entirely by myself, and not submitting to a company that quite frankly leaves a bitter aftertaste. It is taking long to make because I want to make it mobile compatible from the start, which there isn't a lot of resources for. But I'm doing my best! The plan is that I will be posting the next chapter for Patreons in the coming month, and then treat you to a full twine release here on tumblr. I haven't made any rewrites when porting the twine build, but I would like to do that too... so we will see; this plan is not set in stone. I will just have to see how it evolves over the next month. Yes, beta-readers is still on the schedule, just holding off a little while while I wrap my head around this new coding landscape.

Other than that, I have been working on the set aesthetic for ouro, which has been really hard, a lot harder than I expected. You all know I am no wizard when it comes to graphic design, but I want to at least develop a set palette and imagery and portraits that is cohesive to the story. The work is ongoing, and I don't have much to say about it- even though it is taking a lot of my brain power. I'm hoping I can come to some kind of set and in depth conclusion that I am happy with before the twine release, because I want the game to feel like a treat to open up and play; a world to get lost in.

That's it! If you want to see weekly and more in depth dev-logs, you know where to go. I hope you have an amazing day or night, and we will see each other soon. xx

[kasagia]

I just read 'the grudge' and OH MY GOD! I am impressed really. You did such a great job writing it. And the end? It was perfect.

I have a request with a similar dynamic like they were lovers and he cheated and she knows about it (i live for the angst really) then she confronts him and breaks up with him. He isn't very happy about it and wants her back he tries everything but she still refuses to give in to him. So he goes all dark! Coriolanus on her and threatens her with something (her family maybe) and she gives in to him (smutty scene maybe👀). I feel like i talked too much and i am sorry for that. I just want her to be with him against her will ( in public they are the perfect couple and when no one is looking she is miserable and gives him the cold shoulder)

Don't feel obligated to write it if you don't want to. And thank you for feeding us such a great Coriolanus content❤️

Thank you very much! I'm so glad you liked it! 😊🩵🖤🖤🩵 So, tomorrow I'm publishing an oneshot inspired by this request...

And this will be my first time ever writing a true, full-fledged smut scene. 🙈🙈🙈

You will either love it or hate it. 🫣😅 But since tomorrow marks a year since I started writing on Tumblr, I thought why not? There has to be a first time for everything.

BUT... I have an orienting question...

Thank you! 🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵

A fragment from "A powerful man" - which is comming tomorrow..

"If you want her to truly obey you, she must come to you herself. Like a pet. Like a snake. If she sees that your relationship will bring her further benefits, she will come back to you. She's not stupid enough to waste such an opportunity. At least I hope so. You should focus on your campaign."

"I'd like that too. But currently… something else is on my mind." He says, walking over to the tinted window that overlooks the lab. He puts his hands in his pockets and watches you carefully as you work.

"You're wasting your potential. Maybe your children will be wise enough to follow in my footsteps more. One is running for president, and the other is a military chemist. Such a waste."

"Don't worry. One of our children will definitely continue your legacy, you have my word." He assures her, while observing you.

You lean over the table, strands of your hair falling into your eyes behind your safety glasses, as you test another biological weapon on rats. You look hot in that scientist outfit. He grunts, feeling his pants getting a little too tight. He regrets that he never took the opportunity to visit you here...

"It better be that way. And for God's sake, don't stare at her like a love-struck puppy like you did with your tribute from 12. Patience. Or you will have to train her to make her obedient."

"You know I like a challenge, Dr. Gaul." He replies with a sly, cocky smirk and turns his head towards Doctor Gaul once he has calmed down a bit and composed himself.

"Go away now. Your last Hunger Games must be amazing and unforgettable, or I'll tell her what you have planned for her." He laughs at this, shaking his head.

"I appreciate your attempts to intimidate me, but you know I'll be happy with any outcome. Whether it's keeping her on a leash or reshaping her to meet my needs as my future First Lady."

"But we both know which one you would prefer more." They share a sinister smirk. Coriolanus owed her a lot. He's learned many things under her tutelage... things that he uses to make sure you know that your place is always with him.

"As I said, I love a challenge. I will be expecting you as an honoured guest at this year's Hunger Games and my wedding. Of course, right next to my fiancée."

"Don't scare her away, Mr. Snow." She reminds him when he receives a package from her with the latest biological weapon. He will test it at this year's tributes. He smiles, thinking that it must have come from your talented fingers.

"Snow lands on top, Dr. Gaul." He assures her and says goodbye, leaving through a secret passage.

He still had a lot of things to do.

[bistaxx]

Actually I don't think I'm gonna publish that post afterall, half cuz I don't wanna rewrite it and half cuz judging by the posts I've seen a lot of people have already said what I was going to anyway- so here's a condensed version- and this is mostly just me getting some stuff out of my system tbh lol

I still really do not get why the server didn't close down for longer/do a hiatus, it just genuinely seemed like the most logical solution from every angle: a financial one, a burn-out one, a reconstruction one, and to strengthen credibility and trust- instead they just kept things going again as soon as they could and it just felt so careless and so cruel to the employees who'd been let go with no explanation or those left in limbo unsure if they still even had a job or not. It also was just not fun at all watching a server that felt like a soulless zombie-shell of it's former self.

I get needing to let go of the egg admins- I'd much rather say goodbye then have them strung along underpaid/not paid at all solely because fan loves them and they rake in views.

That said I wish the goodbye streams were better planned and it's a bitter feeling knowing some of the eggs won't ever get to say goodbye

Somewhat related to above, what Cherry (Em's admin) said on stream REALLY does not give me any hope that this new team will be any better then the last- At the very least I'm glad Cherry has the other former admins and Bagi there to support her.

same goes for the twitter translators who were canned and replaced with AI- like I can get those teams being cut because those roles were imo a LOT to ask out of an employee and not sustainable- it's the way they went about it that leaves an extremely sour taste in my mouth and makes me worry that there could be more fired employees who were treated similarly.

I still really do not know how to feel about the reset especially since we don't know anything about it- Common thought seems to be it is happening on the 24th which like...first of all why is this happening so soon why are you so obsessed with rushing back into things stop it- second of all... I just don't know if I feel comfortable sticking around for it cuz like I said above right now I don't feel like I can trust this new team not to repeat the same shit the past one did (and I'll most likely miss it anyway since I work that day of fucking course LOL)

I don't hate this project, I don't want to root for it's failure, I don't want it all to fall apart- I wanted it to get better- I'm critical of it because I wanted it to be better for everyone. I'm beyond devastated with how this turned out, all the wasted potential from every angle just eats me up inside, I truly thought things were going to get better. A naive hurt part of me is always gonna wish that things do get better and maybe somehow the stories I loved so dearly will somehow come back... but that is such copium lmao

I'm probably still gonna lurk around because I love the community on here and because I am morbidly curious to see what they're gonna do with this project next... I don't think I'll watch personally, but I'll keep up with the liveblogs. I stopped my queue awhile back cuz I felt so bad about the server and everything, but I'm gonna reopen it soon. Even though I still feel too bitter rn to look back on it all fondly I still want to support a talented resilient community that deserved better.

I wish I could feel better about it all, but I'm not gonna waste time getting my hopes up.

[indigo-a-creeping]

Finished my character sheets and bits of setting stuff for this year's Nanowrimo, but I'm holding off on practice writing prompts until October so I don't burn out on it before November. It'll be good, though.

I'd like to turn last year's project into a podcast, but I haven't done much on that front. I'd need to reformat it and practice voices and think more about music and sounds.

I'd like to self-publish lots of other old writing of mine for Kindle because it's free and easy, but I'd need to edit and reformat a bit.

I want to learn how to use my sewing machine. It's sitting there waiting.

I also want to teach myself embroidery. My MC of this year's writing project uses embroidery as magic, so that is something I want to start before November as well.

I have a ton of other craft projects sitting around.

I've thought about painting murals on my house since I bought it, and never got to it. Just turning the whole thing into a stained glass look would be cool. I can get all the free paint I want at the hazardous waste disposal site in town.

I'm writing my third D20 fanfic, and I have another few ideas written down for when I'm done with that. I want to rewatch some of the seasons.

In non-creative news I recently drove halfway across the country for a single day that included a few hours at camp, which was 1000% worth it despite the terrible drive back home. It was loads of fun, and I hope the staff didn't mind that I kind of inserted myself into every bit of the campfire (the kids certainly didn't mind). Personally, I always thought it was unfortunate that the alumni weren't more involved in what was going on when they came. I'll gladly do it again next year. I am in love with that place in a way I'm not sure I could ever love a person.

I've been able to get back into work smoothly after my long absence. I like it there, and they love me, and I got a raise that will go into effect at the end of the month. It's a great place, though still not really... personally fulfilling. But it's good for a while.

I applied for a history teaching job just before going back to work. The interview went well, though they ultimately went with someone who had more of a history background, which is fair. I would have liked it, but I'm not heartbroken. This wasn't really the right time for me, but I'll keep looking.

I'm still planning to sell my house and move when Peri's gone (probably no more than 4 years). Not sure where I'll move. I've been looking at Michigan (or New England or Oregon or New Mexico or etc.). ...Or Canada, or some other country. Again, I fall in love with places. I'd like to be closer to people I care about too, though it's hard as they have been moving around too. And I feel like I haven't been able to make or hold onto any close connections very well. I'd also like to not be too far from camp, even if I just go back once a year. Wherever I go, I need to get out of red states. Thankfully I have time to think about that.

[nekropsii]

How do you create such a cool fanadventure like yours, and how do you make character bibles?

Aw, thank you, that's very flattering!! I'll be sure to pass your compliments onto the rest of the team, too, lol!!

I don't know how much help my advice will be here, since we're still in the Active Development stages, but I'll give what I've learned anyways, both through the project and through other means. Here are some things that will be your best friend in the long run!! Feel free to ask for follow ups or clarification!!

Content Warning: Long, I Guess!

The first thing you need is an idea. I know, that's the most basic thing to start with, but when you have some kind of base concept you want to work with, everything else falls into place with it. Hopefully, anyways. As you develop the story, this foundational concept will also develop. You can have as many beautifully crafted characters as you want, but if you have no plot, or no unifying concept behind the story, they'll go completely to waste.

The second thing you need is something I don't see a lot of people spare themselves, and it ultimately leads to their downfall: TIME. Things like this take a lot of time, and that's not just referring to the active run of the comic. You'll want to give yourself plenty of time to develop the story and it's characters before you really make any publishing moves. Don't just make a basic concept and your main cast and post your first page on the spot- give yourself some time to develop things and get as much planned out as possible for the scope of your story. You'll save yourself a lot of stress.

Dedication!! So much dedication!! Commitment, commitment, commitment. Lots and lots of it. So, so, SO much dedication to the craft. You have to really be passionate what you're doing if you wish to carry through with it and have a good time whilst doing so.

The question here about Character Bibles is very interesting, and very important!! I don't see a lot of people talk about Character Bibles in their writing advice online, and I feel like that's a bit of a crime. To those uninitiated, a Character Bible is an outline document that tells you and whoever else is working on the project everything they need to know about a specific character. It harbors every character detail you could possibly think of- their basic introductory details, their personal history, personality, quirks, everything!! They're incredibly important when it comes to this kind of project- an absolutely necessary thing to have on hand for quick and easy reference!! The aim of the game with them is to not forget literally anything. It's all about consistency and cohesion.

Personally, for Sovereignstuck, we have several bibles per character using varying levels of detail on their specified subject matter. No clue if this is a common method or not, but it’s what works for us. There are some good outlines for what you could write in them online, but my personal advice is to start with charts of the most basic information you have on a character- name, age, orientation, gender, race, class, aspect, et cetera. After that, you can get into the more in-depth stuff. I recommend having a little “Stream of Consciousness” document where all you do is ramble about whatever comes to mind first with the character, write down any questions you have for yourself, figure out answers when you can, et cetera. Stream of Consciousness is a lot more approachable than just pumping out a well structured, well formatted chronological essay on the character off the bat, especially when you’re in early stages and aren’t too familiar with them yet.

If you’re working with large casts, which you most certainly will be if we’re talking traditional SBURB-type fanventures, then spreadsheets are your friend- they are fantastic methods of keeping track of a lot of basic information at once, all with ease of quick reference + comparison. I can maybe make a spreadsheet template for fanventure setups later, if anyone’s interested.

Also, you’ll probably need bibles to keep track of a lot of things in the story! A great example is your personal interpretation of Mythological Roles. It’s generally just a good idea to have some kind of reference page on what your magic system is. Doing all this writing seems overwhelming at first, but you really get the hang of it as you keep doing it.

Also, as general advice, be selfish. This is a project you’re working on for fun, so if you stop having fun, feel free to drop it- whether that’s temporarily or permanently. Put yourself first. Ideally, you will be having fun working on this, and that’s the most important aspect of it all. If you stop having fun, find out why and try to solve the issue! Feel free to hit the bricks literally whenever! Even Hussie did!

Hope this helps at all! Have a lovely day!

[adiabolikpastel]

Life Updates w/ Mun Yu~

Just a note: I started writing this in March... So, yeah that is how crazy things have been for me.

I thought I would take a moment to do a good- ol'fashioned Blog Update. Since the new year started - and my resolution to post more isn't going too well - I thought it might be nice to just clear the air.

Brush off the non-productiveness of the past, and look forward! With that in mind, let's dive in! Everything will be under the cut - if updates aren't your thing, no biggie. Thanks for the support, and I'll post more content soon!

●・○・●・○・● | ●・○・●・○・● | ●・○・●・○・●

Mun Yu Updates

So, what's been up with me? What's the happs? Well - after four LONG years I am finally getting my Bachelor's Degree. For those that might be new - I am an older college student, having wasted my first chance of going.

Originally, it was only to go back to finish my AAS in Early Childhood Education. Once that was done, however, I found the job market to be less than ideal. That being the case, I transferred to another college and began working towards a BA in Human Resource management. And now - as I stand but 3 more weeks away from completing that degree...

I have been asked by the college to continue my education - and will be starting the next chapter of this crazy journey. Starting next August - I will be working towards getting my MLD (Master's in Leadership Development) & MBA (Master's in Business Administration). I cannot properly express how crazy the idea of that is to me - I was never great in school and now all this... I feel so blessed to have this experience.

That has been my major focus - and it's literally a full-time job. On top of my actual full-time job. I also got married last October, to my best friend of 12 years. As we both enter into our thirties - we are looking to bring in another member of the family soon enough. Not just yet - but soon.

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Blog Now - What's Happening?

You know I wish there was more to post about. Truly I do. This blog is going to be 7 years old - and while it's come a long way, there isn't much to say right now.

I do have the L.E.M. art project continuing, we are officially on the last two boys. L.E.M. was such a huge accomplishment for me as a creator - even if it does exist outside of either canon. I enjoy going back and looking it over; just to see how far the blog has come.

TORMENTED REVERIE

Story-wise; super slowly I am working on publishing Yuuki's official story. My plan is to do each boy's route - complete with C.G.s (the first of which are done). Which will cover the month Yuuki was in the mansion before choosing Kanato.

After those routes are done, I want to make an overarching timeline post about where her story goes from there - then an epilogue just before Another Daydream. Those will also hopefully have art - which would be nice.

Yuki on the other hand - doesn't really have routes with the other boys. So I am wondering what the best way to tell his story is. I could just do it in sections and then break it into parts. I have seen OC blogs in the past do like diary/journal entries - which could be good for him honestly. Something like he was asked by Reinhart to keep a journal?

Yuki's storyline is one that I feel I have an idea of what I want, but I don't play with nearly enough like the others. So, that is definitely something I would love to work on in the new year. If you all are ever curious about him or the story - I am open for ask, they help me develop the story so much.

TORMENTED REVERIE: ANOTHER DAYDREAM

So, listen... these children got a lot of attention years ago. I don't feel so bad that they are getting ignored right now because of that. That being the case - I do have small things in the works for them. Nothing that is being developed at the moment though. My age old project Yukio in Wonderland is still something I want done, but I need a new artist for (and cant afford right now anyway). I do plan to work on getting sprites made for their older looks, mostly Yukio and Kanaye - Rini is set with what she has.

There is no official name for it - BUT - there is a sequel in the works for this time line. It follows Kanaye and Isabella (owned by @pureblood-prey) and their family / reign after taking over as King and Queen. With children of their own too - it's such a fun story that Mel and I have built over the years. Like I said though, no official name or release do that - but if you have any questions feel free to ask~!

EXCRUCIATING DUPLICITY

Ohh... this universe. I feel like it has so much going on, yet nothing all at the same time. There are a lot of OCs here, and I am trying to make them all cohesive with one another - the biggest part of that is that most of them have little to do with one another, which is kind of nice.

Skye's story is something I want to explore more. He has become such a presence on this blog - which I never thought possible. So thank you everyone for being so supportive of his chaotic a$$. I certainly never originally thought of his as Karlheniz partner - but I love where that plot is going.

Roselyn will probably never have a proper story, mostly because she is more of a background character. While she is there any around - having her own plot going on, it's not the focus, and we'll probably only see it in small doses. But you all ready know, if you want more Burai x Rose or just Rose content, all you gotta do is ask

Sweet baby Calli~ I know I have bit off so much with her story. Not only does she have two boys, which causes her story line to split - her family is super important to the natural order of the universe. It will probably be years upon years before I can properly give this story anything that it deserves. For now at least, Calli's story is the "Main Story" of the universe - where all others revolve around and have influences from or to the events in her plot.

●・○・●・○・●

And... really that is all I have right now. Seriously, I started this in March and nothing really changed since I started till now when I am finally publishing it.

Once summer rolls around, and I am not weighted down with school work, I will 100% be able to focus more on the blog and releasing content. Thank you for your continual patients and support - truly it means the world.

For making it this far I will share a little inspiration board for the twins! I am so happy that you guys are excited for them. I swear I will answer the ask in my box today from my sweet anons. Thank you all again, we'll chat soon!

[valeskakingdom]

The Cult (part40)

Days, not even weeks, it has been silent around Scarlet since she decided to disappear in Gotham. She was a shadow in the darkness. No one noticed her, no one saw her, and no one even heard of her. Some people thought she was dead, others thought she moved outta town - which wasn't true, of course.

Scarlet was saving Oswald from Andy's eventual upcoming attacks. She was the silent shadow who surrounded Oswald wherever he was going. She was the one who guaranteed him safety in whatever he was doing - and it worked. On the streets, she saw Andy multiple times, but he didn't see her. She followed him across streets, lanes, and several hidden tracks to see where he was going. He never intended to kill Oswald, every day he had the chance to since the reporters published every step he made on the TV - but apparently, Andy was just searching for his only true love...

Flashback

"Scarlet! Scarlet!" Andy yelled in despair while walking through the Narrows, almost tears filling his brown eyes "I know you're out there! Come out!"

He looked to the left, to the right, up and down, even to the ground but she was nowhere to be found. Scarlet seemed gone since the day she left him. She was just playing with me, Andy thought quite angrily, She wanted to leave me all the time! She has planned it! She just used me for her good! She never loved me as I did!

"Scarlet!" Andy tried again in the hope she would react "I know you just played tricks on me! You did it all the fucking time! You never intended to be mine! You don't love me, you never did, but you still love Jerome!"

"I do not love Jerome," Scarlet scoffed, yelling it back from her hidden place "I never did, and neither did I love you. I think poorly of love; love is a waste of time. Love makes you weak and blind, that's why you've never become aware of any of my purposes"

"So you've planned it all the time," Andy almost murmured, which turned out into a slightly evil laughter "You're truly sharp, my love, sharp and slippery. I knew it all the time, from the moment I first saw you in Arkham up to now"

"And still you were so naive to believe me all the fucking time" Scarlet snickered "You're foolish in being a good criminal. I'm about to say you're nothing but a pussy; a wannabe criminal who talks big and acts like a big boss but in reality, he's just a little scallywag who eagerly tries to crave attention and power"

"If I'm so foolish then why did I capture your imagination?" Andy scoffed "There had to be something that fascinated you about me, otherwise, you would have ignored me, am I right?"

"You're right," Scarlet paused "It was your distant and mysterious nature. You seemed clever and had a high intellect. You seemed to know what you do, you seemed to be more intelligent than others. I thought I could work with you" She sighed "This was up to the point where you told me about your glorious idea of agreeing with Hugo Strange with his special therapy"

"Instead of telling me what I've done wrong, you should realize you're not the perfect criminal either. A professional as you would say can handle things alone even without a partner and doesn't need to run to mommy Cobblepott to get the things you need" Andy kept looking around but she was still not to be found. Where was she? She couldn't be invisible, could she?

"Wow, you fight fire with fire," Scarlet chuckled "Not bad. Though, I know my fire will defeat yours. Asking a friend for help isn't a sin, right? But changing oneself because feelings overcame? That's pretty stupid, especially because your plan didn't work out. I didn't come back to you voluntarily, you kidnapped me!"

"Oh it did work out for me" Andy chuckled devilishly "I gained more power and intelligence, that's all I need for being a better criminal"

"But still, you let your obsession and feelings overcome," Scarlet chuckled "That shows you didn't gain as much intelligence as you thought"

"If you wanna mess with me then why don't you come out? I thought you were so brave" Andy almost hissed with his gritted teeth. He hated this provocation of Scarlet, he knew he wasn't dumb as he knew his feelings didn't overcome him. He wanted to do her a favor. He knew she wanted to see him as much as he did - she was not better than him, she just overplayed it because she didn't want it to be true.

"Fine," Scarlet stepped in front of him out of a dark lane "And now? Do you want to punch me? Do you want to try kidnapping me back? Or do you want to kill me?"

"You deserve any of it," Andy hissed almost aggressively, and quickly pulled a gun out and pointed it straight at Scarlet "I should have done it all the time"

"Oh, no a gun," Scarlet acted bored, waving her hands a little in the air when the rolled her eyes in annoyance "I'm so scared," Scarlet started almost laughing when she kept walking "Please, do you think you can manage to kill me with that little thing?" She pressed her forehead against the barrel with a huge smile on her face. She knew Andy couldn't kill her, he wasn't that tough.

Andy said nothing. He just kept holding the gun against her forehead and watched her. He knew he could manage it, he wouldn't be scared of it, and his still existing feelings for her wouldn't defeat his will to kill her. Not this time.

"So what are you waiting for?" Scarlet giggled "Shoot! Shoot me dead! Go ahead! Or are you a little pussy?"

But suddenly, Andy's hand started trembling. He was full of anger and hate, he couldn't bare it. All this provocation she was doing, the spitefulness, this wrong thing... or that she thought she knew everything better, it was horrible. Everything was horrible! He would love to punch her to death, smash her brain in with the gun or torture her, or shoot her to death, he'd love to see her blood all over her body and on the floor, he'd love to see her gasping for air in her last minutes of living - but all that wouldn't be true. Something in him couldn't kill her. He didn't know what though. Was it fear that he would regret it one day? Or maybe it was the unexpected? No one would ever expect to shoot at the one they loved, right?

"Wow," Scarlet laughed "And you call yourself a big criminal?" She shoved the barrel right in front of her heart, an actual second opportunity for him to shoot her dead "I seemed to be right. You're nothing but a pussy if you can't kill me right away"

Then Scarlet turned around walking a few steps away from him when she suddenly heard him shoot - she stopped walking. She looked down at her body, she wasn't bleeding or anything. She focused on an eventual pain in her back that might be caused by a shot bullet - but there was nothing. He missed his target. Voluntarily or not, she didn't know. It was indeed interesting to see that he dared to shoot in her direction, but it was also poor to see he didn't hit her - as if he was too scared to do it.

"You missed, darling" Scarlet scoffed and kept walking back into the dark lane where she came from.

"One day," Andy almost yelled at her "I'll find you again and then you'll wish you'd never met me!"

End of flashback

It's been a long time since Scarlet saw Andy previous or even his mates. Whenever she went out to watch Oswald, Andy wasn't present. He didn't watch him, he didn't try to be in Oswald's near - nothing. He practically vanished. But did he truly vanish? Or did he want her to think that? Did he hide to observe her? Did he plan on killing her now? This made Scarlet think. She had to be careful. Andy and his staff eventually wait for her in any corner or in any lane to attack her, and she knew she couldn't handle them all alone.

To check on it though, she dared to walk through the streets to see whether she was right or wrong. She focused on people with hats and sunglasses and long coats that would hide their figure - but yet there was none of them. No one observed her, no one walked after her, and no one tried to shoot her. She seemed to be safe.

But suddenly, this happened.

Someone, a tall lanky guy with a hat, a green pullover, and a satchel bumped into her. He looked like a fool, an idiot, a scallywag. He didn't seem to have any friends or real family, he seemed to be a loner who spent his time working and watching TV. There was no chance of getting a girlfriend for him, he was attractive at all, he was ugly - more than that. The word ugly was understated. He was scum, the scum that nobody wanted in this world.

"I'm sorry, I-..." But when he looked at Scarlet, he froze "O-Oh my God-..." He couldn't find the right words. He was shocked, but not in a negative way at all. His dream came true! He finally met her! He found her!

"I assume you know who I am," Scarlet smirked amused, but there was one thing that confused her - his reaction. He wasn't scared at all, he wasn't full of fear, and he didn't want to run away. He was... Happy? Excited? Joyful? Surprised? How come?

"S-Scarlet Patel," the man stuttered "I-I can't believe this, I've been waiting for this moment so long... It's too good to be real" He examined her from head to toe, he still couldn't believe she was standing right in front of him - and then he dared it. He was trying to touch any part of her body to assure himself this was real, but Scarlet's reaction was faster than his. Instead of letting him touch her, she grabbed his throat and tightened her grip instantly so that he would have breathing problems.

"You should be careful what you do, my love," Scarlet chuckled darkly, tightening her grip even more than the man's veins popped out of his head and neck; breathing was no option at that point "Being too brave and euphoric often leads you to death. You should fear me and run away whenever you spot me on the streets because I am your biggest apprehension"

"I...I searched for you...the whole time," The man coughed and forces himself to speak somewhat normally due to these bad circumstances "You...are the one I need...to fulfill my work, you are...the bright spot that brings...light to my darkness"

"Oh, look, he's a poet," Scarlet chuckled "And what work do I fulfill when I let you go?"

"C-come with me..." The man coughed "My... fellows... have waited for this... special moment long enough. They worship...and adore you, as do I"

"Ah, so you're something like a little cult," Scarlet nodded thinking, loosening her grip from his throat a little "A cult that worships and adores a mass murderer and its actions," She thought of all the advantages such a cult could bring her. Being obsessed with her enough, they would follow her, they would obey orders, or even kill for her if needed. That would be just great! She wouldn't need to make an effort to look for men if she plans murders. She would also have butlers that'd do her any favor in this little world.

"It's not only you," The man took some deep breaths, reviving from the tight grip "My cult and I worship your old partner Jerome, as well. You both are persons we desire, whether dead or alive. You are absolute, you are Gotham's true king and Queen"

"Your cult shouldn't worship someone where you don't know what they're capable of," Scarlet grabbed her little knife and placed it under his chin "I wouldn't hesitate to kill you right now, and neither would Jerome if he was still alive"

"But Scarlet, don't you see what opportunities you have with us? We would follow your ways! We would help you with your plans and-..."

"Oh really?" Scarlet smirked wide "You would kill for me and in the name of Jerome? You wouldn't hesitate a minute to stab someone? Or shooting a bullet in another one's body? Or slit someone's throat if I want to? Without remorse? Without guilt?" She poked the knife deeper into his skin "You better not lie right now"

"I would never lie to a true goddess," The man almost stammered in shock, he would never question his loyalty towards her "I promise you, I am at your command"

"I see," Scarlet knew he was talking bullshit, so she decided to play with his mind a little, letting him think she believed him and would love him to join her - she just planned of making use of him and his little scallywag group anyhow "Then tell your name, boy. With whom do I have the honor?"

"Dwight," He smiled wide "Dwight Pollard"

"Well, then, Dwight," Scarlet put the knife down "Show me your little cult. Entertain me, surprise me! I wanna see your little folks' reaction when they see me"

"Of course," Dwight smirked "Please follow me" And so he lead her to the old Paramount theater down the street, where his fellows were already waiting for him. Through some hidden ways, he lead her backstage where he would announce her to come on stage to surprise them all with this glorious appearance. Scarlet complied and got comfortable with any big booster she could find there and waited for her announcement. To her luck, she could watch Dwight from her position. She could see what he was doing, hear what he was saying, and even scan the others' reactions.

"The people of this city are slaves," The light shot up when Dwight spoke through the microphone, and his audience cheered for his appearance "Mhm, see they get up every day and go to work so they can pay their taxes, their mortgages. See, they believe what the papers tell them. They fear what the politicians feed them. See, they are mentally shackled, and yet, they do nothing about it!"

The audience applauded and started cheering. They knew he was right. He spoke the truth, he knew it best! He was the cult's leader, he was the cleverest of all of them and he probably was the most experienced one.

"But there was someone who understood! Someone who poke out, who stood up to the jailers, puppets. A man and a lady with no fear." He suddenly grabbed a little remote out of his pocket, pressed a button and the hidden beamer started playing a tape on the curtains.

"Hello, Gotham City!” Scarlet heard a familiar voice that sent shivers down her spine - it was Jerome’s voice. Hearing it after such a long time was odd to her. She didn't expect to feel a tight feeling in her chest as now. “We're the Maniax. And I'm Jerome, the shot caller of that little gig - and this is my precious Scarlet."

"I'm the little demon that will haunt you in your dreams, either with a gun or a hammer" Scarlet heard herself cackling to it. She remembered the day when they made the tape, it was shortly after they killed Sarah Essen and the cops in the GCPD. It was a literal blood bath, but also one of her best experiences they've made. She would do it over and over again, if Jerome was still alive.

"Wonderful, isn't she?" She could feel his grin when saying that, she didn't need to watch the tape for that "We're here to spread the message of wisdom and hope." Jerome cackled, but stopped immediately when he heard a man groaning - and he shot "Some people have no manners"

This was the moment when the audience laughed and cheered at Jerome's action. Apparently Dwight said the truth about adoring and worshipping them. None of them was shocked or anxious. None of them wanted to run away because they couldn't bare it. Scarlet could feel this certain energy from them. They wanted to be a true part of Jerome and Scarlet, they wanted to be like them because they eventually thought like them, they wanted to follow their rules and visions. It was perfect!

"You’re all prisoners. What you call sanity, is just a prison in your minds that stops you from seeing that you're just tiny little cogs in a giant absurd machine. Wake up!” Jerome yelled the last bit, making the others laugh and cheer again.

"Oh!” You heard Jerome say when the sirens resonated on the tape “Time to go, sweet cheeks, but don't worry. We’ll be back very soon. Hang onto your hats, folk, ‘cause you ain't seen nothing yet!” And again the folk applauded, cheered, and laughed. It was just marvelous to see.

“Alright!” You suddenly heard another familiar voice say, which made Scarlet curious. She tiptoed behind the curtain to peek - in the back, behind the cult, she saw two figures, one stout man with a hat and one tall slim man.

“Time to go home!” When she heard this, she immediately knew who that was - it was Jim Gordon and his partner Harvey Bullock. Just perfect!

“GCPD!” Harvey yelled and fired off a warning shot. Now the crowd started running at first, but soon enough they started attacking Jim and Harvey. They punched them and tugged on their hair and clothes, some of them even started biting them. It was clear to see Harvey and Jim were overwhelmed by all the people.

“Yeah, that's right my fellas!” Scarlet laughed when she came out of her hidden track “Show me your loyalty! Show me how much you adore me and Jerome!” All of them heard this, they cheered, they saw it as some sort of motivation, and especially as proof of their loyalty towards Scarlet - so they kept going.

“Patel!” Gordon yelled through the hall, he tried to come to get her but there were too many cult members who prevented him from attacking their ruler and goddess “Harvey, try to get her from this side! I try to get her from that one!”

“Guess, what I'm trying, James!” Harvey yelled back at him, while he was knocking another cult member out. He had also no access to get Scarlet anyhow. There were too many of them.

“Oh, I need to disappoint you, Jimbo, you won't get me that easily! My fellas will drive you into a corner like a wolf pack a little deer!” Scarlet cackled “No, this is just the beginning of an old dream I had long ago, and this dream will become your biggest nightmare!”

[pisces-magazine]

life sucks so much rn. hate this. miss being in love, miss having something to hold on to.

yesterday was the 3rd month anniversary of my book, it's like nothing. i thought once published i wouldn't shut up about it, but nothing has changed. love is all.

having no one to share this with sucks. that was the plan all along. i just ended up being another fucked up lonely looser artist, as if i was written by fucking hollywood 3 dollar movie.

i need love. i need love to remind me i'm alive to make me stop wasting my life like this. ignoring the fact that i should be doing better and there's no excuse. ignoring my duties and desires. rotting every passing day. i don't know. i'm just apathetic most of the time, or that's what i thought.

i think it was last week. i didn't sleep until around 8 a.m. i cried hard because i have nothing to live for, and i realised that i'm in fact feeling normal, i just didn't know until now how not being in love felt, as i spent the last 5 years or so in love or at least with a crush on somebody. last time i wasn't in love was when i was a kid, so of course it's different. i hate this feeling, the bad mundane. the feeling of being another person of the ton, or worse than that.

i should be fine. i said i didn't wanna have nothing right now because of studies and i couldn't, but now, not even that. i now need this. someone to encourage me to at least do something for myself, which is studying. it's been two whole months, or more, since i don't do or even think about catching up. feels overwhelming. i don't know what to do with myself.

i have literally nothing good going on. nothing meaningful.

[mygainyear2024]

Day 33 What brought the foreigners?

I sent Rosie a text "I don't like all these foreigners taking over our village!"

There were young people everywhere and more families. This isn't a surprise as I know as it gets closer to June the place will be heaving, which is why I came in April. I'm feeling so pleased with this advice from Eva (Upwork). The fact that I have photos of places like Benagil Caves with no-one in them is fantástica.

After going down a dark hole (the Jetstar airfare sale), a session at the gym (not my best, I have a slight hangover), I thought I hadn't had enough pastel de natas, so I walked 30 minutes to get one at a recommended place, Pastelaria Doçuras. I probably past 30 pastelarias on the way! It was good, but not the best one I've had here. Thankfully it was on the same street as the markets, also on my plan, for one carrot, one cucumber, a small bunch of broccoli, a piece of salmon and 10 prawns! I need some veg and I'm on the move soon, so don't need much.

Rosie and I make a time to meet and I'm late! We're off to check out the music festival which has bought most of the crowd. We get quite close, the back of the venue, and the location is amazing. The noise, a little loud. I had the worst coffee at €3.30, it did nothing for my hangover, but strangely the cocktail made me feel a bit better!

We then spent the afternoon wandering around the strip. I was encouraged to buy a dress I didn't need, but Rosie said "it's the best thing I've seen you in!" And the sales woman was very good at her job too. I got a belt for my shorts which I did need and then I set off to find Galeria de Arte - Atelier 34 - Pintora Stela Barreto. Another 60 minute walk round trip. I have been wanting to go since I spotted her art in a store in Ferragudo weeks ago. When I got there it was a residence and no sign that the business was open (even though her website published hours are 6-10pm). I rang and spoke to Stela. She first asked how I got her address, ummmm google! Sadly I needed an appointment and I think I heard that she was receiving oncology treatment. But if anyone who is reading this is heading this way, I personally think making an appointment to see her art wouldn't be a waste of time.

[bellatrixnightshade]

How do you plan your stories?

oh uh that's an interesting question...

Basically I usually write down an experimental story or an outline and run with it. I learned never to let an idea go to waste, to write it down ASAP. Sometimes, midway, I change some plots or delete it from the story. Sometimes I add something. It all depends on what makes more sense.

Then I scour my Spotify for anything that will spur me on to write a plot or a character. Also, I take into account on what I'm going through or feeling at the time and I see how I can incorporate that into fiction without looking too autobiographical. (I wonder if someone can pinpoint any of those little parts if my heart in what I write.) I find that experimental and edm genre of music actually put me in the mood to write, especially fantasy. Bjork and The Fat Rat, anyone? Sometimes, classical is a life saver.

Then, I go to world building. This is one of the more fun parts of writing honestly.

Since I like to have an idea of what I'm writing, it can take a while for me to write or continue to write a book for a while.

I am still doing this with an original story, and I did write an experimental first chapter but I scrapped it because it's not spurring me forward. (I don't even know whether to keep the title.) I am also writing my own mythology/fictional religions, some of which are connected to ATOTE a little, and I'm also working on this story verse country. I have some AUs based on classical literature. All of these, I have to write experimentally and outline!

ATOTE, my somewhat canon divergent AU for the SGE prequel series, took multiple scrapped plots, outlines, and even published experimental first chapters before I finally settled on a basic plot. (It’s also littered with vent writing turned into fiction.)

Also, I start to assign times throughout the day to actually write and publish. I hate just blowing air and doing nothing. Does this bleed into school sometimes? Hell yeah. But luckily I can just set up a special time just for writing.

I'm sorry that my plans are by no means meticulous or clever. This is honestly how I write. If I did try making it sophisticated, I would sound pretentious, lmao.

Thank you so much for asking this. I actually enjoyed this question, and I'm quite flattered you are interested in my writing and how I do it.

If you have any other asks anon, storm my ask box. I'd happily answer everything. <3

[oleworm]

3, 4, 8, 17?

3. What were your top five books of the year?

The Wasp Factory by Iain M. Banks

The Delectable Negro: Human Consumption and Homoeroticism within U.S. Slave Culture by Vincent Woodard

Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

El Aleph by Jorge Luis Borges

Sabella by Tanith Lee

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Tanith Lee! I'm not too sure what I think of her yet, but there has definitely been a feeling of fascination and repulsion when I've read some of her works, and I would like to see more. With some of them it happens that at first I don't like it, or I feel uncomfortable, but I can't stop thinking about it and I end up having a dialogue with myself about why it is that these images or ideas affect me in such a way. As someone who used to be very fucked up, it's strange to say it, but it did help me to better understand certain things that happened to me, or why I used to act in a certain way.

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

I did! The goal was to learn from my reading, and to end the year knowing more things than I knew the year previous.

I had initially planned to read a higher number of books, but I don't think it's a metric that matters, especially since I've been reading more books that were longer.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

The one I just finished, Acequias y gallinazos: salud ambiental en Lima del siglo XIX (Ditches and Vultures: Environmental Health in 19th Century Lima) by Jorge Lossio!

It's a small little book and I came into it without concrete expectations, only wanting to learn about how cities deal with the matter of waste, but it painted a vivid picture of the city, with the description of the smells, the habitation patterns, the industries of the time, and people's perceptions of medicine, the environment, pollution and disease. I linked to it earlier, but the publishers made the book available for PDF download, and there are others on historical and sociological topics that can be accessed as well:

[valewright67]

Are you okay?

Hello.

I'm a little stressed?

It's kinda stupid, honestly.

I start school on Monday, right? And it's my first year in college, I'm doing deaf studies and interpreting for ASL. I thought it would be good to learn asl, since I struggle to hear anyways.

Also, my therapist thinks I have autism? We're not gonna try to get a diagnoses, because that could very well be upwards of 5k, and I don't have that to throw around, yknow? But he strongly suspects, and I don't know what to do about that.

I have classes Monday and Wednesday in person, plus homework. Tuesday is my allotted online day, PLUS the one day with a flexible schedule I'll have to run any errands I may need to do. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I'm WORKING, 8 to 4. After that is any other homework I need to get done, plus all my household chores, and maybe some smaller errands, like shopping.

On top of that, my partner just like. Doesn't respond? We had plans today and tomorrow we made a couple weeks ago and I was trying to confirm and it's been EIGHT HOURS, and no response. I try to be patient, but this is a regular thing. I get he stays up most of the night and sleeps the day away, but it's 8:15 pm and NOTHING. He finally responds at 8:30 saying his phone is on the fritz and he got around it by connecting his number to his laptop. Which I can understand but I was half ready for HOURS. He couldn't have checked in earlier??

I'm not gonna HAVE any time off, I'm not gonna HAVE a day. And that in off itself stresses me out! Between school and work and homework and errands and chores, I'm either going to have time for sleep or a personal time. I can alternate between those well enough, I'm 18, almost 19, and I've got enough stamina to give up on sleep a couple nights a week. I won't be especially energetic, but I'll be able to function.

And I've been trying so hard to just WRITE, because I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME. I've got ideas, LOADS of ideas, I'm up to the BRIM with them! And I'm not gonna have any time to write, this is my last chance, but I just CANT?

And you've sent me asks, I've seen them, I've thought about them, ive got stories, and then they just rot in my inbox, because I can't even START them. And do you know how many blurbs and thoughts and COMPLETELY FORMED STORIES I just need to actually WRITE? Like the Tristan reblog, do you know how much I want to add to that, but I can't pump anything out? I've got this great idea for the "by the way your best friends your mother" reveal. And I've got a big bro zel au I'm so PROUD of, and I want to share it with @demonprincezeldris but I've only got one section written, which I submitted WEEKS AGO AND WAS RESPONDED TO ALREADY. It was supposed to be a three part, and I've got the whole plot there, spent ages muling it over and hammering out every detail.

Then there's what I've got on A03. Did you know there's someone who thought I stopped writing Vorago because I didn't like their idea? That's not it at all! I LOVED their idea! But I couldn't even respond to their COMMENT, because what do I say?? "No, I stopped writing after you gave me this idea because I'm paralyzed staring at Google docs." And it was months ago, anyways! And I've got a bunch of others there that people want more of!

And I just. Can't. Write. No matter how hard I try. What I actually manage to force out is jilted and cringy and awful, and I will absolutely not publish that. It's almost worse than my WATTPAD ERA!

Almost. Those were dark days.

Im just so frustrated, because I'm OUT OF TIME, and I. Did. NOTHING. I'm not gonna have any time to write, even if I can, I'm not gonna have any time for a social life - that I barely had anyways - im not gonna have time for myself, im barely gonna have time to SLEEP. I feel like wasted what I had left.

Is this what it feels like to be an adult? I don't like it. I wanna be a kid again.

[pallanophblargh]

i just stumbled across your pallanophs and wasted half an hour scrolling through your tag for them. what a lovely species design! i'm no expert in anatomy but i can appreciate that you've come up with a body plan that looks equally plausible bipedal as quadrupedal. the chest/shoulder/clavicle area stands out in particular. traditional furry art usually defaults to a human-shaped shoulder girdle, and there's nothing wrong with that, but for a species that transitions between the two modes of locomotion, something more suited to a quadrupedal lope would obviously make sense.

uhhh i'm only sending this as a submission since it was too long for an ask, lol, don't feel obligated to publish! hope you're having a good weekend :)

--------

Thanks! These guys have come an extremely long way from my childhood designs for them, which were equine in an uncanny valley kind of way. Maybe within the last 15 years or so, I realized my plans for them and their abilities dictated a need for anatomy that was far more accommodating. They don't spend a lot of time in bipedal stances, but it's a handy trick when you need your front limbs free or you need to intimidate someone. That said, a bipedal gait is really only used regularly by pallanophs that have frequent contact with humans, and likely only in outdoor settings as indoor settings might end with 'nophs brushing doorways with their heads. They must have enviable spine strength, ha!