valewright67

[valewright67]

I have an idea for a Merlin fic but life is chaos so I cannot write it:

So for whatever reason Arthur is away (probably visiting some Lord or Nobel House) and Merlin stays behind (who knows why).

Uthers manservant is ill so he requests Merlin (after all he’s the crown prince’s manservant he should be good enough for the king).

Merlin is now stuck as Uthers servant for a week and I really want to see Merlin try to wake the King up with “rise and shine!! :D”

He talks too much and is entirely too familiar with the King, taking liberties and speaking out of turn, mentioning Arthur by name and not title, is always late with lunch but somehow…

Uther finds him fascinating. He knows Merlin is completely loyal to Arthur (he said so himself in the show). He understands Merlin hears castle gossip like most staff, but he is actually able to understand the significance behind the rumours. Merlin is also trusted by the knights and has insight into the lords and ladies of the court. He sees things, he hears things. Uther can use this

As a physician in training, he is able to treat Uthers old knee injury, and he is clearly learned. He can read and write better than some of the noblemen he’s met. One day Uther enters his chambers and finds Merlin bent over the desk looking over the grain reports “did you notice Lord Chester had been underreporting his grain storage for three years and is selling it under the table to a foreign king?”

Merlin is a terrible manservant…but Uthers clothing had never been cleaner, his armour so polished, his bathwater so hot and his notes so organised. Merlin is continuously late and covered in mud or moss, but somehow Uther finds he doesn’t mind as long as Merlin keeps feeding him important castle gossip.

Arthur gets Merlin back at the end of the week, and Merlin can finally breathe (he’s been a nervous wreck for the last seven days). Uthers servant recovers and the King has a functional servant again as is befitting his station.

But Uther is now willing to overlook some of Merlin’s …ridiculousness and familiarity with Arthur…after all, he’s realised Merlin does have some uses, even though he’s always late with breakfast.

Scenes like this:

“You’re the clumsiest excuse for a servant I’ve ever met!”

“Yes, Arthur says I have the elegance of a newborn lamb”

“Why is there a twig in your hair? It’s unbefitting of your station as servant of the King”

“I fell asleep in a ditch, anyways have you heard Lady Carteret has been seen buying hemlock at the apothecary? I’m sure Lord Carteret is soon to be missing, poor sod”

“Can you never bring me my breakfast on time?!”

“Sorry Sire, the poison tester died this morning after drinking your tea, so I had to brew it myself, and we’re in need of a new poison tester. And in totally unrelated news Lord Milder was seen fleeing the castle”

“Rise and shine!! The sun is up and you should be too!”

“Is this really how you wake your King? And where the hell is my breakfast!”

“Well Arthur usually throws a pillow at me even though it’s my job to wake him in the morning - that lazy arse!”

[valewright67]

How do they keep making later and later stages of late-capitalism

[valewright67]

Ooooh!

In which many many years have passed since Arthur succumbed to his wounds from Camlaan.

Many many years Merlin was alone as Camelot died before him and the world move on.

Many many years that Merlin spent grieving, then honing that into his magic, developing new spells that break the laws of magic and reality.

Many many years that it takes Merlin to perfect a spell to turn back the clock.

Many many years that pass by in the blink of an eye as he rewinds time itself.

Many many years, and yet no time at all, since Merlin has sped up the castle to Arthur's chamber.

Many many years, and yet no time at all, that has passed since Merlin stepped through those towards.

Moved to stand beside the bed.

Lay eyes upon his golden king, the reverent moment undamaged by the drool escaping his lips, the soft, utterly inelegant snores, the horrendously mussed up hair. Rather, made all the better by how utterly human, how utterly alive he is, how entirely real before him.

Oh so very many years since Merlin was able to reach out and touch, without the visage fading into obscurity like all the other half mad hallucinations.

Since Merlin could run his calloused fingers over that golden hair, trail down squished cheeks.

Since he got to watch Arthur's entire face scrunch tightly, like he only did when awaking after being truly, deeply asleep.

Since Arthur lolled his head a little to squint up at him blearily, with oh-so blue eyes Merlin had lost any hope of ever seeing open again.

Since he heard Arthur slur his name in a confused tone, voice still rough with sleep.

Merlin chokes down a hysterical, teary laugh, and Arthur looks more alarmed now, more awake.

"Merlin?" Voice still hushed.

"Forgive me, Sire. I seem to have forgotten your Royal breakfast." He breathes out, not wanting to pierce the reverent quiet, basking in speaking to his golden king once more.

"Is all well? Why have you woken me so early?"

"Not nearly early enough, Arthur. Not nearly early enough."

A far away gaze, snapping all at once back to Arthur when his hand wraps around his forearm. A blinding smile to his worried frown.

Oh how long its been since he felt his hands-

"What- Merlin, why are you crying, what has happened??"

"I-" A startled touch to his own cheek, coming away glistening wet. When had that happened? "I..." A sob wells in his throat.

Many many years of grief and loneliness and longing, all crashing into an astounding joy and relief.

Arthur makes a vaguely panicked noise, sitting up properly and turning to him, and Merlin cannot help but to find it funny despite himself. His golden king had never known what to do with himself when people started crying, and he was no exception to that rule.

He laughs. He thinks he does? He cries? He hiccups, he wheezes, he sobs, his limbs shake and he curves in, curves towards his king, one arm still held up in Arthur's grasp, fist clenching and shaking, really all of him is shaking.

Arthur's other hand clasps onto his shoulders and he chokes on a gasp at the warm touch, giving in to the mind numbingly strong urge to- to be closer, to hold him again, to curl small and tight, to hear and feel that brilliantly strong heart beat thundering along, so loud it's nearly deafening, and yet not loud enough.

His golden king flails, baffled and worried, sputtering out half questions and demands for explanations, and throughout it all, Merlin just laughs and cries at the joy welling up in him, at being so close to him, at feeling his warmth and life and the hesitantly comforting touch as he finally, gingerly, holds him back.

Many many years, and at last, at long long last.

"I've missed you so much, Arthur."

an oooold yet cute merthur sketch

[valewright67]

If Merlin was honest, he didn’t planned to be arrested by the Met the day Arthur finally returned, but here he was…

[valewright67]

Here is a link explaining some of the history behind the evolution of the middle finger as an insult! I'm personally a fan of the French version, spite and mockery seems like a VERY "humans are space orcs" type prompt.

human and alien

*human Todd and human Sharon are arguing with alien and human carol watching, Sharon gives Todd the middle finger*

A: hey human carol?

C: yes?

A: why did human Sharon show their middle finger to human Todd?

C: oh it’s considered very rude and pretty much the same as saying fuck you to someone

A: but why is that?

C: dunno honestly, kinda just been that way for probably centuries now………..are there any other human hand gestures that you don’t understand?

A: yes actually

*5 minutes later*

C: okay, so when a human shakes their index finger at someone that means no, when a human shows a fist with the thumb up that means yes, good, or good job, but if the hand is upside down then it means no, bad, or bad job, when a human shows someone their hand with the middle finger sticking up then it means pretty much the same as “fuck you”, do ya understand?

A:………….one question

C: shoot

A: why?

C: I honestly don’t know myself

[valewright67]

Keep reading

[valewright67]

Fic where, after Arthur has legalised magic but before Merlin has revealed his magic, Arthur hears that a sorcerer named Emrys can see into the future and grant prophecies, and decides to seek him out to ask him about the future of Camelot and Merlin panics

So Merlin tries to convince Arthur the whole time that maybe it’s not the best idea to seek out this apparently all knowing oracle, and what about whether this guy is even real or if he has the abilities in the first place (because as far as Merlin knows, he’s not a seer. Sure, he can see the future if he looks into the Crystal Cave, but it’s not an innate ability like Morgana’s visions)

But Arthur is determined so he takes Merlin and his knights and sets out to where Emrys is said to reside (and Merlin can’t help but think the entire thing is nonsense anyway, because where did this guy get his information from? Merlin very obviously does not live where ever they’re going)

The whole time he’s also thinking about ways to disguise himself once again if he indeed does have to present himself as Emrys to Arthur.

Anyways, they get to the abandoned castle where “Emrys” lives and surprise surprise, it’s an imposter

Merlin is now very angry and annoyed but for totally different reasons

He very subtly tries to discredit or trip up this “Emrys”

Merlin: I thought Emrys was a dragonlord

“Emrys”: Of course I am

Merlin: Then, why don’t you call a dragon?

“Emrys”: Ummmm

Arthur: Merlin, don’t be silly, all the dragons are gone, you were there when it happened

Arthur: Please, Emrys, I seek to know what will become of Camelot under my reign

“Emrys”: A kingdom is only as strong as its leader. There will be times of hardship, but also times of peace and joy

Merlin: Oh please, that’s so vague.

Arthur: Merlin, do not insult the all knowing, all powerful sorcerer

Merlin: So, how do you get your visions? Through sleep? By looking through a crystal?

“Emrys”: It comes to me naturally, like breathing. My magic always has

Merlin: Interesting, can we see some magic?

Arthur: Merlin, we are not here for entertainment

Eventually it’s revealed that this “Emrys” is a fraud and that Merlin is in fact the real Emrys, but then Arthur keeps expecting him to know about the future

Arthur: Merlin, will I die if I go on this quest to slay the beast?

Merlin, gritting his teeth: How would I know?

Arthur: Mm. I guess I just expected the all powerful Emrys to be a little more impressive

[valewright67]

(shouts into the void)

hey does anyone have good recs for post-s2 fics where jaskier has to try to process the trauma from rience's torture. fics that take place during/after s3 are also acceptable

thanks

(walks away from the void)

[valewright67]

Geralt of Rivia has a praise kink pass it on

[valewright67]

this has reduced me to tears

[valewright67]

Hello everyone! I'm back with a (kinda late) spooky au! This is the monster-themed au that won the last poll, so here we go!

In this au, set in season 4 (post-Aithusa), where, after feeling Aithusa call to him from within her egg, Merlin could now sense dragon eggs.

Since dragons mated every year and laid multiple eggs each time, and there were only so many dragonlords around to hatch them, there were hundreds of dragon eggs hidden around Albion, waiting for a dragonlord to get close enough for them to call out to, yearning for the world outside of their shells. And since the dragonlords were nearly wiped out in the purge, those hundreds of eggs were still hidden, still waiting for a dragonlord to call them into life.

And now that Merlin can recognize their calls and knows how to call them forth them their eggs, he collects and hatches as many dragon eggs as he can, determined to bring the magical creatures back to their former glory.

And this goes fairly smoothly, except for one issue: he needs a place to hide all of them. They're all still so young, despite growing rather quickly, and the world is still hostile towards dragons, not seeing them as the majestic creatures of wonder that they are.

So, Merlin finds a hidden place for all of them to nest: an underground cave system beneath a mountain. It was near enough to Camelot that he could visit frequently, and the tunnels were large enough for all of them to have their own space, even as the number of baby dragons grew from five, to ten, to twenty, to well over seventy baby dragons took refuge inside the caves.

Aithusa was delighted by each new baby sibling Merlin brought to her in the caves, and she took care of them as best she could. (Kilgharrah, the rubbish babysitter, was not invited to the nests, as he would surely fill the babies' heads with all sort of nonsense about hating humans.)

And so, Merlin kept this up for well over a year, hatching dragons and bringing them to the nests, where he would be bombarded by baby dragons looking to cuddle with their egg-father. He loved spending time with all of them, but he worried about them too. What would happen when grew too large for the caves? Where would they go? Would they be safe?

But as the young dragons grew, they were content to stay in their hidden sanctuary, keeping each other company and eagerly awaiting their egg-father's sporadic visits. They especially enjoyed his stories of Camelot and his golden king. They loved to imagine the man their father was describing, a man with gold for hair and jewels for eyes. He must be the greatest treasure in all the lands! It was no wonder their great and powerful dragonlord kept him safe in his hoard!

And it went on like this for several years, up until Morgana heard rumors of strange growls and reports of terrible beasts coming from the caves underneath the White Mountains. Upon hearing these rumors and sensing with her magic that were was a small army of powerful magical beasts within the caves, she came up with the brilliant plan of luring Arthur, Merlin, and the knights into these tunnels and trapping them there. Those beasts, whatever they were, would surely make quick work of all of them!

Her plan, of course, succeeds. After all, she knew that using a knight as bait would lure all of them into the caves, and then using her magic to collapse all of the exits was simple work. As she walked away from the mountain, she cackled with furious glee. At long last, all of her enemies were doomed! Camelot was hers for the taking!

Meanwhile, underneath the mountain, Arthur, Merlin, and the knights were all trapped. While they hadn't run into any of the monsters Morgana had mentioned, they could hear growls echoing off of the stone walls, heralding their doom getting closer and closer.

(The growling, translated from dragontongue: Papa! Papa! Papa's back!)

As the sounds of the ferocious growling grew closer and closer, they could see the shadows of the beasts approaching on the walls of the cave. They were enormous, with wings and claws! Arthur and the knights all drew their swords, ready to fight to the end against a mob of these horrid beasts.

As the monsters came into view, the shocked gasp came from the group. Before them was an impossible sight, dozens of dragons, each as long as two men and as tall as Percival!

(Merlin gasped at the sight because his babies had suddenly hit growth spurts! They were so much bigger than the last time he saw them!)

Arthur and all his knights braced themselves for what would be a devastating attack from the monsters, when suddenly, to their horror, Merlin ran out in front of them!

"Merlin! This is no time for your sacrificial idiocy! Get back behind us!"

But Merlin didn't even glance back at them, h simply ran forwards towards the beasts!

Arthur gave out a heart-wrenching cry as the monsters pounced on his friend, their razor-sharp claws tearing through his skin and their horrid jaws opening to bite at his flesh.

(Merlin, meanwhile, was being cuddled and playfully licked by his dragons, who took great care to keep their claws and teeth away from their egg-father's soft human skin.)

With a savage and anguished war cry, Arthur ran forward, sword in hand, praying that Merlin was still in one piece. Jolted out of their horror by Arthur's cry, the other knights follow, ready to slay these monsters and save Merlin from their grasp!

The dragons, who recognize Arthur from Merlin's descriptions of him, dart forward, excited to finally meet the golden king that their lord talks so much about! The golden king was as radiant as their lord said he was, and he even gave a play roar and charged at them! He wanted to play and be their friend!

His strange gray hand-fang stung a little bit when it hit their scales, but it hurt no more than their siblings' claws when they were play-fighting together.

The young dragons had a great time playing with all their new friends, who gave play roars and hit them with those strange gray fangs. Their new friends were so fast too, not letting the dragons hit them easily.

This went on for a while, until Aithusa become too excited by all of the play fighting and accidentally knocked the golden king down too hard, knocking the air out of him.

Aithusa whined apologetically as she walked over to him, opening her mouth so that she could breath her healing breath on him, when he suddenly grabbed his grey-fang and aimed it at her open mouth, ready to strike. Aithusa flinched back in surprise, but the golden king's movement was halted by a call from her lord.

"STOP!"

Everyone, knights and dragons alike, froze at the order, even though the command had not been given in dragontongue. Aithusa whined in apology again. She hadn't meant to hurt her lord's king! She had just forgotten he was less sturdy than her siblings!

"Merlin! You're alright! Come quickly, we must leave before these beasts... why is that dragon nuzzling you like an overgrown housecat?"

Merlin gave Arthur his most innocent look, but it wasn't very convincing. Sighing, Merlin wrapped his arms around Aithusa's neck and hugged her, which caused her to start purring with joy, much to the knights' shock.

"Well, you see, I kinda... found a dragon egg out in the woods one day? And I couldn't just leave it all by itself, anything could have happened to it, so I put it somewhere safe! And then, it hatched! And I couldn't just leave the poor baby to fend for herself, so I brought her here, where I thought she'd be safe and not bother anyone. But then I couldn't just leave her alone here, so I came back to visit her and bring her food!

And then, I started finding more dragon eggs and brought all of them here and took care of them!"

Merlin finished his rushed explanation with a smile, hoping that Arthur would just buy it and not ask any questions, like how Merlin found any dragon eggs in the first place. By the end of his explanation, Arthur had gone from alarmed to completely exasperated.

"So what you mean to tell me, Merlin, is that you found dragon eggs, and, instead of killing them before they could become threats, chose to raise them like they were stray kittens instead?"

Arthur's tone indicated that yes, he had bought Merlin's lie, and yes, he also thought Merlin was a much bigger idiot than he did before.

Merlin just nodded, praying to anyone that would listen that none of the knights would possess any critical thinking skills and start poking holes in Merlin's hastily made-up story.

Merlin's fears were alleviated when Gwaine began laughing hysterically, walked fearlessly between the dragons, and clasped a hand on Merlin's shoulder.

"My friend, I knew you were a special kind of crazy for putting up with Arthur all these years, but this! This beats any insane stunt you've done before! You've just tamed dragons, you madman! Hell, you've got them all wrapped around your finger by the looks of it!"

Gwaine, amazed and almost giddy, looked around at the dragons, who were contently cuddling up around Merlin now, tired from all of the play fighting.

Merlin rubbed the back of his neck, nervous and slightly embarrassed at all of the attention. The other knights looked on in wonder as Merlin told the dragons to go off the sleep in the nest, and they all listened. He really had tamed them!

Merlin turned and gave Arthur, who was still looked at Merlin with frustration and disbelief, a nervous smile.

"So, uh, it's probably a bit late to be asking this, but do you think I can keep them in Camelot?"

And that's all for now! I had a lot of fun writing about Merlin army of baby dragons! Please let me know if you'd like a continuation of this!

And, as always, thank you for reading through my ramblings!

[valewright67]

Holy Hells, this is incredible!

What if that last image is The Magic Reveal?

Perhaps it's in a world where Arthur gets struck with lycanthropy, and is trying to keep it a secret, but Merlin finds out because, well, it's MERLIN, and he takes his job to protect and care for Arthur VERY seriously.

Of course he vows to help Arthur in every way he can, but he doesn't tell him he has magic, not yet. Partially because he's not ready, and partially because he's a little worried that with all the stress of suddenly becoming a bloody WEREWOLF, Arthur will just... stop functioning if he finds out ANOTHER person he cares for and trusts entirely has been lying to him and practicing magic.

Then circumstances occur and Arthur is being chased by the knights, who maybe think that this beast has killed the crown prince/king/whatever he is rn. Merlin gets hit helping him escape, and its when they're in the woods, Merlin not able to run anymore with the arrow in his hip, that Arthur stands in front of him, prepared to use his own body as a shield.

As they lock gazes, Merlin reaches a hand towards him, and-

And his eyes flare gold, the whish of the arrows following suddenly, shockingly quiet, Merlin's sad chuckle all the louder for it.

"I suppose we are both a bit monstrous, you and I, aren't we?"

Gaius there's a weird lookin' dog outside (werewolf AU)

[valewright67]

Petition to bring back the boop function next year for the ides of March where instead of a paw on the screen it’s a little knife that Caesar gets stabbed with

[valewright67]

[valewright67]

they are back

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[valewright67]

How a Man Shall be Armed. English Knight ca 1415

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