#which means i made progress kind of doesn't it? now it's less about family and grief and being closeted for me

[halyorke-vampiredisaster]

Most of the time In the Flesh is just another dvd case on my shelf that I don't think about and then once in a while I go to rewatch it very innocently and 5 minutes in I'm violently run over by how fucking raw it is and by how insanely hard it hits omg

[tangledinink]

I just found all your swanatello posts and I am obsessed. I don’t know if this is just a me thing, but when I see a piece of media that really gets to me and brings me the verge of tears, I get these aches in my hands. It just sort of means that the work has done it’s job incredibly well, and I like media that makes me cry as long as it has a happy ending!

anyways, your swanatello au gives me the hand aches /pos

Also, I have a question about the lake’s magic. Does it kind of “speak” to Donnie? Is that how he knows he’s supposed to be its guardian? Or does it like, impact his emotions instead? Something you wrote in the tags that made me think about this was when you said that Donnie didn’t react to his outfit because the lake made him feel like it was always been that way.

or does the lake not only erase Donnie’s memories but also re-write them?

Sorry for the ramble, I’m just really enjoying your au!

ahhhh thank you??? ; w ; i'm very glad you like it!!!!!!!!

the lake doesn't always speak to donnie, though it has before and he has heard its voice. but typically, it manipulates his emotions and thinking directly rather than speaking to him. the lake does erase memories, though it less 'rewrites' them and more compels donnie to simply not question the gaps. up until leo visited him on his own, swanatello felt that it made perfect sense for him to be at the lake; he innately understood his role as guardian and he didn't question at all how that came to be. he just accepted it.

and then he was able to recognize leo for the first time. and then suddenly he DID question how he came to be here, and why, (which he is not supposed to do,) and he realized that the pieces didn't add up and that something was wrong. he does remember things. he remembers that he loves science and how to code and engineer. he remembers all his ninja training and combat experience. he even remembers things like how to navigate the sewer systems-- but if he looks any closer at those memories, tries to ask himself, "why do i know how to navigate the sewer systems? where did i learn that? who was i with?" then things start to get fuzzy. it's a lot easier for him if he has cues or visuals reminders. (that, or a sibling nearby to help him.) he's started trying to keep physical record of things when he figures them out, but sometimes he'll find that portions of these notes will go missing or not make sense to him later.

right now, swanatello is almost constantly fighting to remember his life before the lake, as well as figure out a way to return to his family. the curse is constantly trying to undo any progress he makes.

[lostonehero]

What remains after eternity

Aftermath

Trevor frowns, staring at the vial of dark red, nearly black blood. He knows for the fact that all the progress they had was erased. He couldn't tell how long it'd been, but that didn't really matter. He can make a few observations, Lyf regrew and cuts off his wings multiple times to have food to share. Marius has finished his heat transformation, and his new parts and abilities seem purposely dormant due to the starvation and virus. He glanced over to the pair of sleeping twins who hadn't moved. He doesn't envy them.

"Trevor." Janet's voice makes him turn to face her. "So?"

"I barely started." Trevor sighs. "It's not good, Raphaella started the ivs, and the broth is being kept warm." He puts down the vial of Marius's blood. "I've got samples from his spinal fluid, blood, and marrow. The progress that has been made is completely wiped out. We're back at square one. I hate to say this, but I welcome the challenge. I know it's not a game. I just..."

"Treat it like you would of before." Janet gently headbutts Trevor. "They need you to be at your best for this. You should also be nice to his metal arm. Remember it's sentient."

"I almost forgot about that." Trevor smiles softly. "Alright, I need to do some tests. Do you mind keeping watch while I bring my samples to Raph's lab?"

"Why do you think I'm here?" Janet chuckles. "Aurora has my back to alarm for you."

"I do!" Aurora chirps. "I have also informed Nastya who was the first to find Marius. As per the twins' request, only the ones inside myself have been informed besisdes Nastya. Raphaella and Misery are waiting for you, Trevor."

"Thank you, Aurora." Trevor collects his samples and heads off.

Janet hums when he is out of earshot. "Aurora, be ready for whatever comes next."

"I always am." Aurora clicks.

.....

"If you keep asking me what I think I'm going to light you on fire and see if your ashes works which I know won't." Trevor growls.

Jonny clears his throat. "Want to repeat that?"

Trevor gasps, stumbling off his step stool. "Dad! I uh..."

Jonny laughs. "Still my baby boy." He smiles softly. "Get up and tell me what you've figured out. I know I ain't the best with this science shit, but Janet asked me to check up on you."

"It's not good." Trevor sighs as Jonny takes a seat on the exam table. "Whatever progress they had was wiped out for Marius, er Byron? I don't know what to refer to him as since he isn't lucid or has woken up. Anyway, it seems that without the updates from Raph or Misery, the virus mutated and took over again. At this point, I wouldn't suggest curing it.... I mean, well, the best thing to do would be to work backward kind of." He hops up next to his dad to sit. "There isn't getting rid of this virus. If I could engineer it to basically fuse to his very DNA, there could be a chance that it would change him, but he would finally be whole again. I just don't want to do anything drastic like that without consent. I mean, I would have before, but he's like family now, and I know he can't answer for himself...."

Jonny rubs his son's back. "Relax Trevor, you can ask his mate, or even his daughters." He pauses as Trevor leans on him. "Just explain it to them and give them the risks and how it would work."

"Are you sure you're ok with this, with me?" Trevor frowns. "I've done so much awful. I hurt so many people in the name of my own selfish need. I just... I feel like you shouldn't be ok with this."

Jonny snickers. "Trevor, I ain't no saint either. I've killed for less. I've hurt others for even less than that. I'm a terrible person, and honestly, I can't say I regret my actions." He sighs and gives his son a half hug. "You have a moral compass that I had beaten out of me. I'm proud of you regardless of what horrors you committed. You hesitate, and I wish I could say I could do the same."

"Thank you." Trevor pulls his dad into a tight hug.

Jonny can feel a wet spot where his son is crying. "Come on, we should check on them."

"Aurora?" Trevor mumbles in his dad's chest.

"Yes?" Aurora chirps.

"You're a little shit." Jonny can feel his son shake in a silent laugh.

"Is Lyf awake yet?" Trevor continues to cling.

Aurora chuckles. "That is quite adorable."

"Fuck off." Trevor mumbles.

"Alright, alright." Jonny pats his son's back. "Is the space cop up yet?"

"Lyf has woken up for a brief moment of panic but fell asleep as soon as he saw his twins. The twins are currently trying to wake him to eat some broth, but they are unsuccessful, so they are currently lying on either side of Lyf. I think they are playing 20 questions with Janet." Aurora chirps. "Nastya has managed to wake Marius to feed him some broth, but he is not lucid in the slightest."

Trevor pulls away, rubbing his eyes. "I'm not surprised. The damage on Lyf's body is self-inflicted. He cut off his own limbs, mostly his wings to feed the both of them. With the rest and iv, his body is probably in shock, adjusting to not being in survival mode. Similar occurrences have happened when Thomas and Laz have been trapped in places. Laz sacrifices himself to keep Thomas alive." He scratches his neck. "Tink used to be a scholar before they went mad. They may have done something similar. Aiden is made of stone he can't accomplish that. Izzy has mentioned something similar, but I've never observed it. What I mean to say they are all different species, but they're all acolyte, so with what I have observed, it should take approximately a week for Lyf to be fully recovered unless Yog Sogoth gets involved. Well, he will still look starved, but he will be mentally and physically healed." He hops off the table.

Jonny smiles proud of his son. "Well, that means you have time. You can discuss the options with the twins to start with."

Aurora hums softly. "Raphaella would also like to look at the samples now."

Trevor sighs. "Fine, fine." He waves Aurora off. "Can you come with me to check on them?"

Jonny nods and hops off the table. "Of course I can."

.......

"Aren't you two spending time with your respective husbands?" Aurora chirps spotting Thomas and Mae.

Mae rolls her eyes. "Laz, Charlie, and the fledgling god have been talking for hours at this point, and I'm bored listening about human things. They're allowed to catch up, but fuck I don't care in the slightest about their history. I don't even know what the fuck they're talking about." She throws her hands up. "Like what the fuck is a ice box? Why are they're churches so fucking lame? How the fuck did they accomplish anything? Like I wanted to hear about the war, but all of it is stupid god bullshit. If I wanted that, I would bother Nexus or Scratch."

"Please don't." Thomas sighs. "Human culture and history isn't excatly something either of us are interested in. That kind of stuff is Janet's thing. I love Laz, but we'll he also gets fucking bored when we talk New Texas." He cracks his back. "Besides, I want to play chess, and Trevor is the best at it, and I want a challenge."

"I ain't a fan of chess, but I do have to ask dad when Izzy and the others came by and why Izzy and Grams are doing the horizontal tango." Mae blinks as Thomas stares at her.

"What the fuck did you even say?" Thomas stares at his twin.

"Grams is fucking Izzy. From what Pa said, because I actually saw him out as far as he could go away from Grams. They've been at it for like six hours at this point. Also, Pa is a hologram brain in the machine thing. Why does he have a limp?" Mae crossed her arms. "Also, Carmillia was nailed to a cactus."

"I clearly went a different route than you did." Thomas shakes his head. "Does Pa look pathetic?"

"He looked confused." Mae shrugs. "Anyway, Aurora, do you know what happened?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about." Aurora pauses. "I can ask your father."

"Nah, I'll find him." Mae hums softly. "Besides, I heard there's newbies here."

"I wouldn't call them newbies they're technically older than us." Thomas sighs. "Well, that's what Laz says."

"Unfortunately, he's normally right." Mae huffs. "Hopefully, Alex is lingering around somewhere here. I'm so bored I may even play a hand of cards with them."

Thomas snickers.

"Oh fuck off. You suck at cards it's not even fun winning against you." Mae headbutts her brother from the side.

Thomas headbutts back and then gasps. "I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!" He points spotting Trevor who freezes like a deer in headlights.

Mae growls, letting off a string of curses, making Aurora squeak out in surprise. She pulls out something from her pocket and growls louder, shoving it at Thomas. It was an old, worn doll looking closer at it. "Fuck you Trevor." She headbutts Trevor hard enough he falls on his ass.

Trevor blinks incredibly confused. "Um.... What did I do?"

"You helped me win an old bet." Thomas chuckles softly, holding up his prize that Trevor recognized immediately.

"Ok how the fuck did you convince Mae to bet that first, Secondly what bet?" Trevor huffs as Thomas helps him to his feet.

"I knew you became a mad scientist, Mae didn't believe me, and so we made a bet ages ago." Thomas sighs. "I will probably give this back to her, though. It ain't right keeping it knowing how much it means to her."

"You brats kept that thing?" Jonny interrupts startling the two. He plucks it from his eldest and hums. "Where's yours?"

"Technically, that is Thomas's." Trevor rubs his arm. "He gave it to Mae after a nasty encounter with raiders that burned it to break her. It didn't go as they planned."

Jonny had a slight blush on his cheeks. "Fucking if you want a new one I can just make another one." He looks away. "Why are you two back?"

"You would make us another one?" Thomas swallows. "I uh... well, of course we're too old for it, so you don't have to."

"Shut the fuck up." Jonny rolls his eyes. "You're getting new ones. That means you too, Mae. Get the fuck out of the vents."

Mae hops out of a vent landing next to her dad.

"How the fuck do you keep doing that?" Aurora chirps.

"It's just climbing." Mae rolls her eyes. "Why go all mad science now?"

"It's a bit complicated." Trevor frowns.

Jonny sighs. "You're the only two not here for what happened. It's only been 12 hours, give or take. Marius and Lyf have returned in worse shape. The gods took them and sent them back, and none of us knew how long it's been for them. They're starved, and Marius's virus has completely taken over again somehow, even worse than before. None of it is good, and the twins requested we don't tell anyone until they return to Aurora."

"Oh." Mae crossed her arms. "What do you need me to do?"

Trevor lights up slightly, pulling out a list. "I have a request for supplies and ingredients for my work."

Mae snatches it and looks it over with a smirk. "Honestly, Trevor, I expected something more insane. Yeah, I'll grab this shit. You're going to integrate this virus into his DNA to have his body adapt and change so he won't be sick. That's clever."

Trevor stares at Mae mouth agape. "How the fuck...?"

Mae winks. "I'll handle it." She grabs the small cloth doll from Thomas. "I'll be back in an hour tops."

Thomas shrugs. "Don't look at me! I would have suggested isolating the virus strain and reverse engineering it to become a boost to his system and heal himself from the inside out."

"That's not.... where the... How the fuck do you know that?" Trevor stares at Thomas since Mae is already out of earshot.

Thomas looked uncomfortable. "Let's just not look into why we knew that stuff."

Jonny takes a breath. "Thomas, I'm going to need you to keep the twins away when Trevor looks over Lyf and Marius. They know of your brother and don't trust him in the slightest."

"Sure, I can do that." Thomas nods. "Why are you referring to them as twins? You don't refer to me or Mae as twins."

"They're identical." Jonny pinches his brow. "Impossible to tell them apart. Their names are Freya and Selene, and unlike you and your sister, neither of them are older."

"Ah." Thomas frowns. "You alright with that, Trevor?"

Trevor nods. "Yeah. Just be careful they're more on the xeon side of their lineage and are incredibly toxic like physically."

"It's not like I'll die." Thomas stops. "I'll be careful."

Jonny nods. "You both better be careful."

"Yes, dad." The two say at once.

......

Lyf gasps, and the remains of rainbow static fill his vision. He froze as his vision slowly game back to groans and whimpers of pain. With effort, he sits himself up. Both of his girls were on the floor at either side of his bed. He watched in mute horror as their limbs reformed, and a mark glowed on their backs.

"I warned you two." A male voice sighs.

"Be nice, Trevor. Also, your hair is on fire." Another male voice rings out.

"Fuck not again!"

"W-What?" Lyf's voice was barely a whisper.

Both twins left bloody handprints on the side of Lyf's bed, burning through the blanket.

"We're ok."

"Just give us a second."

"Don't push yourself either of you." Lyf finally looked over to recognize the voice belonged to Thomas. "Just because you've got the mark of Terminus does not mean it's easy no matter how often you test it."

"We know!" Both twins growl at him.

Thomas holds up his hands. "I ain't looking for a fight. Neither of you is in any condition for that either. Give Lyf some space. He's awake."

The twins step back with a stumble holding there quickly, closing wounds.

"N-no." Lyf croaks out.

The other male, who was Trevor? Lyf wasn't certain. "Relax." Trevor helps Lyf to sit up fully. "Take a breath, and please don't pull out your ivs. Janet is currently keeping an eye on Marius as he plays and wanders around." He takes out a thermos and gently feeds Lyf. "Now that you have something in your stomach. Your twins are fine they look to have just finished healing, and they know it was an accident."

Lyf takes a deep breath. "Freya, Selene?"

"Yes!" The two say at once.

Lyf smiles softly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"It's not like you could kill us."

"Selene!"

"What? I'm right."

"You don't have to say it."

"Freya, we both know Papa would freak out if we were mortal."

"Girls." Lyf sighs he looks awful and exhausted but relieved. "Girls, that's enough."

"Yes, Papa." Both say at once.

"Before you ask, I'm working on the next steps for Marius." Trevor crossed his arms. "Mae got what I needed about six hours ago. Thomas has been trying to get the twins to eat and sleep in proper beds, which hasn't worked. The next process will be done within the hour if you wish to stay awake for that. I'm taking a different approach, and hopefully, that will be a permanent solution." He looks away. "It's not going to be an easy process, and I will be locking myself in the same room as Marius to see this through."

Lyf looks down at his hands. They were discolored greatly. He knew he looked horrid. He hurt his own children. He balled his fists. "Don't you want to know what happened?" He sounded broken.

"I'm not my father." Thomas frowns with a tisk before Trevor can answer. "I can make my own assumptions, however. It's been ages, and the food was non-existent. You cut off your own wings multiple times just to feed Marius, and you neglected yourself. Your hair isn't evenly cut it was probably burned with an acid like substance, most likely the rain on Xeonia. Even with the adaption from your heat bond, it did not protect you from the harsh reality of the planet. From added context, you arrived on Xeonia before Marius was even born and stayed long after, but before the spread of the virus of the first time. You're paranoid, obviously from losing your children when they were young, younger than we were with our dad. Marius quickly lost lucidity after your kids vanished. He was hiding it from you and them with games and stories."

Lyf sucked in a breath staring at Thomas.

"S-stop!"

"D-Don't."

Thomas narrows his gaze, ignoring the pleads. "It didn't get better. Wars are horrible when you're searching for answers. Even more so when you're trying to keep your own partner nearby. How many times did you reduce him down to his arm to get through? More than you can recall."

Trevor scurries out of the way. They all had these fits dad would call them. They never remember when it started. Only know the story once they finish telling it. It's a curse from their grandfather's side. The gods don't even know what it is. He hates it. He could never purge it from himself.

"A time of peace came and went you almost abandoned Marius as dead weight." Thomas tilted his head. "You locked him in a bunker, didn't you?"

Lyf shakes. "I... I.."

"He wasn't aware. He starved with no one to care for him. I wonder how many times he collapsed from the sheer exhaustion of it all. You dug him out once the rumbles of a new war were coming, and you saw first-hand the true reason why he lies. Why he pretend to play dumb. Why he never talk about his home planet."

"That's enough!"

"Shut up!"

The twins seemed stuck in place as Thomas barely glanced at the two, returning his gaze to Lyf.

"Tell me, was it worth it? Was it worth it to witness the horrors? It wasn't a war. It wasn't a drought, and it wasn't a famine. No virus, no dictator. It's just pure evil throughout the planet. Horrors even the gods couldn't stomach. You couldn't flee. You would leave Marius behind. You could never abandon your mate. A war would have been mercy. A famine would be heaven. A virus would have left to sanctuary. What you witness. What you saw was nothing but pure madness and horror. Tell me, did you enjoy watching Marius's parents get -" Thomas can't continue holding his throat from a clear bullet wound, and the static in the air lifted.

Eyes landed on the figure holding the smoking gun, and the screaming from Thomas as the mark did its job was silent.

"Some stories shouldn't be told." Mae's boots sounded so loud against the metal floor as she slung Thomas over her shoulder. "Janet strapped Marius down for you. Get to it." She watches Trevor basically run out of the room.

"Why?" The twins watch Mae put Thomas in a bed, wrapping him up tight.

"How did he know that?" Lyf swallows.

Mae looks back to Lyf. "It ain't your business."

"The fuck do you mean!"

"You shouldn't know that!"

Mae lights up a cigar and takes a deep breath before walking close to the three. She blows out thick smoke on them. "It ain't your fucking business. You aren't my fucking kin." She growls tail lashing behind her.

The twins growl back.

In an instant, both twin's braids fall to the ground in a bloody heap. Mae tosses her cigar on the mess, causing a fire separating them. "I won't say it again."

"Sallie, stop." Thomas's voice was strained. The wound in his neck was still sluggishly bleeding. He sits himself up. "We all have some version of this. Dad has it the worst. I ain't proud of it, and I'm sorry."

Mae watches the fire die, leaving a sickly sweet smell behind. "Tommy."

"Dad ain't get his storytelling from age." Thomas grimaced, holding his throat.

"What do you mean?"

"Did the gods curse you?"

Mae let's out a hiss. "It ain't the gods."

"Sallie...." Thomas wheezes and swallows. "None of know what it is, and neither do the gods."

"Just drop it." Mae growls.

Thomas gets up and grabs Mae's hand with his bloody hand. "Stop." He takes a breath easier. "Come on, let's just find dad."

Mae nods, holding onto her twin tight.

Lyf waits to speak until they leave. "Girls, I'm sorry I hurt you both."

"It's not your fault."

"We're fine!"

"That's not the point, and you both know that." Lyf sighs. "You both don't have to pretend I know we're basically strangers, but you both are still my babies and... and I just want... I want to be your dad."

"You're already our papa."

"That's all we want."

Lyf smiles softly.

"Besides, we've already seen you at different points in the timeline before us."

"We know you're different, and it doesn't scare us. We're different, too."

"We also know you still can't tell us apart."

"We also know that we love you."

"Alright, push the beds together and lay next to me. You both need to recover. I know your hair is alive. No arguing it's just a flesh wound." Lyf smiles as the beds come together, and he lays back down.

"It is just a flesh wound."

"Our hair already grew back."

"Hush girls." Lyf chuckles.

.......

Jonny glanced up at his twins and returned to his sewing. "Get your bloody hands away from my work, and you can stay."

Mae seemingly realized that she had blood on her hand as she let go of Thomas's hand. "Dad I..."

"No." Jonny clicks his tongue.

"No?" Thomas growls.

"No, neither of you have to say anything." Jonny puts down the half finished doll. "You two haven't changed no matter how old you get. You only hold each other close like that after the curse rears its ugly head. I'm guessing it was Thomas from the dried blood around his throat. Now, you two can either sit while I work or get cleaned up." He sighs, watching his twins sit together by him. "Just because I am able to use it doesn't mean I expect any of you to be comfortable with it. I will say it as nausea till it gets through your thick skulls. I don't know what it is, and it shouldn't define either of you."

Thomas looks a bit embarrassed. "Sorry for getting mad."

"I should bring back that stupid fucking jar just for you." Jonny huffs picking back up his project. "You have my temper boy, and I expect nothing less."

"It was about Lyf and Marius." Thomas crossed his arms as Mae leans on him.

"And? Thomas it takes a pair of eyes to just look at the two to know something went fucking wrong." Jonny rolls his eyes. "Tell me something I don't know. You're smarter than that."

Thomas huffs but he had a small smile on his lips.

"I saw gramps." Mae hums.

This causes Jonny to stop and stare at his daughter. "Why?"

"Well, I asked. He seemed confused, but Grams and Izzy were going at it in the sand. Grams let him wander while she was busy, and he kind of just stood there. He has a limp, which is weird because he's basically a ghost in the machine." Mae shrugs. "I also saw angles of Grams. I don't think I will ever be able to forget."

"Ew." Thomas makes a face of disgust.

"He still has that limp." Jonny sighs and returns again to his project.

"I went a different way, so I didn't see any of that. I'm glad about that." Thomas sighs. "I think if he's still out, Alex would ambush him for a game of cards."

"That was his game of choice." Jonny hums. "I have been meaning to talk to him. I ain't looking for closure, so don't either of you start." He looks up to give a look to the two. "Mom says he's better now, and I don't know. I think I might want to try. You brats can bother him. I never said you can't."

"I bother him plenty!" Aurora interrupts. "Valerie gives him free roam, and he tries to hide in my programming. It's quite fun scaring him. It appears that given freedom is a new way your mother has found a way to hurt him."

"Can you not interrupt a conversation with my children." Jonny rolls his eyes again.

Mae and Thomas giggle.

"Dont encourage her, you brats." Jonny puts his sewing project to the side. "What do you want, Aurora?"

Aurora ignores Jonny. "Children, tell me stories about Jonny raising you."

Mae laughs. "Oh, now I won't say shit."

Thomas snickers. "That's literally the worst way to get information from us."

Jonny smiles proudly.

"Nastya was right they are just mini, yous!" Aurora huffs. "Jonny took on space cats before he was reunited with you."

"Yeah and?" Thomas gets up, picking at the dried blood on his hands. "You should if seen dad panic when we reached 18, the idiot thought we would leave."

Jonny chuckles softly.

Mae gets up after her brother. "Fucker thought I would give up my game, and I will get you one day." She smiles. "Besides, dad had pets when we were growing up. He also taught us how to kill skin and cook them. New Texans are a social species. We don't do good alone. If you actually looked at Ivy's archives, you would know that."

"We are an uncomfortable close social species. Fucking if dad ends up knocked up and I start leaking I'm going to be pissed." Thomas groans. "It was bad enough when you were expecting. Laz freaked out so bad he thought I was expecting."

Jonny starts to cackle.

"It is not funny! That ass wouldn't touch me for months! Dad, stop laughing!" Thomas huffs now red face.

Mae giggles. "It was hilarious you're just a baby."

"Oh fuck you." Thomas growls.

Jonny gets up and grabs his twins by the ears. He takes a breath. "No fighting you brats."

Thomas and Mae huffs.

......

The sun was just coming over the horizon. Trevor was still in the room with Marius. It's been a week. Alex huffs watching the sun rise. They were outside Aurora leaning on her. They heard a noise that made them quirk a brow. They watched Tim walk by waving, but he was nearly silent. They decided to check it out.

Billy sat on the sand. He clearly had mass since he seemed to be counting the grains in his hands. He was in loose-fitting clothing, obviously New Texan. He was shaking enough to see that he was clearly rattled.

Alex knew that look. They knew that look from their own father after.... they sit next to their gramps. They pull out a deck of cards. "Well, you shuffling or am I?"

Billy jumps clearly, just realizing that Alex was next to him. "What?"

"Fine, I'll deal." Alex starts to shuffle. "Dad says your game of choice was anything cards. Never said if you were any good."

"I was a drunk." Billy hugs his chest. "Val won't let me back in my machine."

"Shame, you'll just have to entertain me then." Alex deals out two hands and places the deck down.

Billy picks up his hand with a raised brow. "Why?"

Alex gives a knowing look. "Does it really matter?"

"I suppose not." Billy seems taken aback. "You have it too?"

"We all have it." Alex hums softly. "I always assumed it was from grams, but seeing from your reaction, she doesn't know." They put down a card. "I ain't gonna tell."

Billy seemed confused. "Why? I ain't doing nothing for you."

"Suppose not." Alex picks up a card. "Why does it matter? It ain't like it will kill me."

Billy threw down his hand and raised his brow. "You ain't bad."

Alex hissed. "Neither are you. Not anymore, I guess." They take the cards and shuffle. "Janet, you can join us."

Billy whips his head around to spot Janet, who sits next to him.

"I can play a game or two." Janet hums softly. "Mae says you have a limp."

"Always had a limp." Billy raised a brow.

"That is annoying." Janst sighs. "Anyway, I did grab breakfast for you." She tosses over a wrapped sandwich. "I made it, had a feeling you would be out here."

"Where's dad?" Alex unwrapped the sandwich.

"Sleeping in as far as I know. Everyone's split up in two groups. There's the mess Tim made and doesn't quite understand, and then Marius and Lyf. It's a fucking mess." Janet frowns. "The twins are nice to talk to, but they're still scared of me."

"I can't help you with that." Alex quickly finished their food. "Just because we know each other doesn't mean I can just fix what they think of you."

Janet picks up her cards. "Ain't asking you to. So why play with gramps?"

"He's pretty good." Alex shrugs.

Billy frowns. "Val won't let me back in my machine."

"I figured as much." Janet hums. "Are you sure Henry's real? Haven't seen him once. Brian and Misery sure, but Henry, not at all."

"He's terrified of you and Trevor like how Laz is scared of grams." Alex hums drawing a card. "Ain't his fault, just look at what Carmillia did to Brian."

"That's fair enough." Janet furrows her brows, looking over at Billy. "Nanobots?"

"Correct." Billy tosses a card down.

"Unlike Trevor, I'm not one for science. I prefer history and different cultures." Janet picks up another card. "So why haven't you come inside? Aurora is amused by you, and dad does want to speak to you."

"I don't belong." Billy scowls as Janet throws down her hand.

"None of us belong anywhere anymore." Alex collects the cards.

"It's not like New Texas is the same. Our home is a museum." Janet leans back. "We want to stay with dad, but who knows how long that will last before the gods get bored." She lights up a cigarette. "You ain't special."

Billy blinks and looks away.

Alex puts their cards away and lays back in the sand.

Janet joins them. "Just enjoy the quiet moments." Blowing out smoke, she sighs. "Unfortunately, with our luck, it won't last."

"Ain't that the truth." Alex sighs.

Billy seems uneasy but joins them, laying down. "You should hate me."

"So?" Janet blows out more smoke.

"Time has a habit of dulling hatred into annoyance." Alex yawns. "Fucking every time you get me all introspective."

"Sucks to suck." Janet snubs out her cigarette.

"Fuck you." Alex huffs.

.......

"The fuck are you doing?" Jonny raised his brow at his four kids outside Aurora currently burying Billy in the sand.

"It's pretty self-explanatory." Mae rolls her eyes.

Jonny sighed and pinched his brow. "Why?"

"We're bored." Thomas shrugs. "Also, gramps hasn't moved." He was clearly missing one of his horns.

"Thomas got mad at losing, and I took his horn." Janet hums. "You really suck at any sort of game."

"Fuck you." Thomas huffs.

"Mae started it." Alex shrugs. "Grams came by, but she sucks at games like Thomas does, so she left."

"Again, it would be Thomas sucks at games like grams does. Respect the age difference." Mae sighs.

"Stop." Jonny rubs his temples. "Dad why the fuck are you letting them bury you?"

Billy shrugs. "Val won't let me back in my machine."

"Can you give a different reason that one is getting stale." Janet scoffs.

"You're just mad you can't take his horns because he's made of nanobots." Mae sticks out her tongue.

"I am going to get a better collection than Tommy ever had." Janet rolls her eyes.

Thomas blinks. "It's not really a collection. It's literally mine and Mae's horns I made into actual instrument horns."

"Fuck you." Janet scoffs.

"They've been at this for hours." Billy mumbles.

"Of course they have." Jonny crossed his arms. "Have any if you done something productive or just bothering your grandfather?"

"I say this is productive. It's family bonding, dad." Alex snickers.

"You can join us." Mae smiles softly.

Janet pauses. "Why does he have a limp?"

"Seriously?" Thomas sighs. "Obviously, it happened before what gram did."

"Then dad would know! It ain't like gramps will say shit." Janet huffs throwing sand at Thomas.

Jonny looked at his father, who again just shrugged. "Brats, I gave him the limp. Seriously it's not that fucking important. Now dig him out."

A collection of groans as Billy is pulled out of the sand and pushed in front of Jonny.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm the worst now. Thomas, give me your chess board." Jonny grabs it from his eldest, sets up a pile of sand, and sits setting up the board. He puts his goggles on and motions to his father. "A game, and you brats can watch it you behave."

Billy raised a brow and cautiously sat down on the other side. "What's with the goggles?"

"My eyes are shit." Jonny sighs. "Barely can see without them."

Billy gives a soft, huh? "That's explains a bit. Ain't you going to shoot me again?"

"What's the point? It ain't like it will stay." Jonny makes the first move. "I understand why you did what you did. I don't agree, but I understand."

"I was a drunk." Billy moves the next piece. "I beat the shit out of you for being a kid."

"You were a drunk out of necessity. Ma doesn't know the truth." Jonny hums softly. "And I expect you to keep your mouth shut. Ignoring the culture of the time and how society was set up. It could have been worse. Gambling and drinking were your escapes, I know for a fact you only did what you did to Ma out of obligation."

The four watches held their breath.

Billy sighs. "If it wasn't me, it would have been another just how the world worked." He raised his brow. "You already knew that."

"Ma told me." Jonny hums softly, taking his father's piece. "I don't know everything, and I don't want to. All I know is that Ma wants me to give you another chance. Even without her encouragement, I wanted to have a talk with you."

Billy tisks. "I ain't worth that. I blew my chance." He moves another piece. "You shouldn't trouble yourself."

Jonny knocks over his king and leans back as his father resets the board. "I've had a lot of time to think. I've seen empires rise and fall. Love comes and goes, and monsters become heroes. I don't consider myself good in any capacity. I don't even know why my brats like me." He looks over to his kids then back to his father. "There really isn't anything left for me to do. I can't die. I don't age. It's only a matter of time till I'm alone again." He stares at the reset board. "After everything, you forgave me, and I never deserved that."

"You were a child." Billy moves his own piece going first. "I knew one day you'll kill me just as I killed my own father."

The kids' eyes widen as they stare at their father.

Jonny's neutral expression doesn't even flicker of a change. "So you wanted me to kill you."

"In a sense. It would have been a fitting end." Billy raised his brow at his son's move. "You don't see it that way."

"I don't." Jonny hums softly. "It's a fucking stupid ending to hope for. We've seen countless stories that played out in a continuous cycle. You picked a coward way out." He lets out a breath. "You were a drunk barely aware of anything around you. You took to the bottle to escape. You would have ended up dead on your own without me."

Billy's eyes widen as Jonny takes his king in only a few moves.

"It wasn't even a kill, I left you alive." Jonny sighs. "You weren't the man I heard about. Hell, even Ma told me stories about the rumors about you. Not that she believed them. I know there was truth in them." He finally shows emotion with a frown. "You were run out of every town till you ran to the shithole that was Jack's territory. I wouldn't call you two friends, but he knew your history. He offered you sanctuary in exchange to get rid of the growing resistance at the caves."

Thomas covers Mae's mouth before she can interrupt.

"It wasn't personal." Billy sighs, setting the board back up. "Val was the leader. Jack had me make an example."

"It went sideways." Jonny narrows his gaze.

Billy nods. "I was the fall guy. My reputation Jack used that. I ain't a saint boy." He sighs. "I was the town drunk in that shithole. Gambling and drinking are what I was known for now. Whatever I was before ain't anything."

Jonny holds the king in his hand. "That ain't true for shit." He tossed the king at his father, who catches it without blinking.

Billy stares at the worn wooden piece. "What makes you think that?"

Jonny crossed his arms.

Billy chuckles. "You really are my kid."

"Suppose I am." Jonny gets up. "Brats fucking behave." He turns and heads back to Aurora and stops right by her entrance. "I'll see ya later."

Four pairs of eyes stare at Billy.

Billy narrows his gaze. "That fucker."

"What was your relationship to Jack?" Thomas shoots off first.

"Did Grams really take Jack's eye?" Mae goes next.

"Just what were you known for?" Alex jitters excitedly.

"Did you have siblings?" Janet huffs as eyes stare at her. "It's legitimate questions! Gram has siblings."

"They ain't blood related." Billy flinched as eyes refocused on him.

"What!" The four shout.

"Vindication motherfuckers." Janet smirks. "So, do we have any great aunts or uncles?"

"They're dead." Billy blinks he wasn't exactly prepared to lie about these questions. He supposed his kid did find this a fitting punishment, and it wasn't painful, just confusing. "Jack and I er..."

"Jack was a worse man than Billy ever was." Audrey interrupts she was clearly in her android body. "We are still family."

Billy looked away. "Didn't say you weren't."

Audrey had a look of pity on her features and sighs. "Billy, where is Val?"

Billy's eyes glowed for a moment as he tensed. "My system is 20 clicks north."

"I ain't here to get you riled." Audrey sighs. "Is it true she is on a date?"

"You mean with Izzy?" Mae shrugs. "She did stop by lost at cards and went off. They did have fun in the sand, but I ain't saying they on a date."

"It would be nice, though." Alex hums.

"Fair enough." Mae nods.

"Wait, what do you mean by Jack was worse than gramps?" Janet raised a brow.

"Gramps is literally right there." Thomas points at Billy, who looks slightly uncomfortable being known.

"Well, yeah, but he talks like dad, and none of us can tell truth from fiction if he doesn't want us to know." Janet sighs.

Audrey gives a look to Billy, who shrugs.

"It don't matter if they know." Billy gets up on his feet. "It ain't like he's around."

Audrey grimaced. "You could say they were in a relationship. Not a good one, but it was something."

Billy scowls. "Don't coat it in honey and feed them shit." He sighs. "I was his toy as per requirement of my sanctuary. Part of that is why my boy exists. I was told to make an example of the leader of the resistance."

Audrey looked sick. "Right well." She pats Billy's back. "To be fair, I've never seen anyone drink shine that fast."

"I ain't need your pity." Billy huffs. "It's what happened.... why are you looking at me like that?" He looks at Alex.

Thomas made a o with his mouth as it clicked. The rest had looks of understanding.

"Well, dad did say we were allowed." Alex gives a look to their siblings.

"I suppose it wouldn't be much of a shame." Thomas nods.

"Wouldn't be that difficult." Mae smirks.

"I'm sure Trevor wouldn't mind being in the dark a bit longer." Janet narrows her gaze.

Audrey thins her lips. "Now kids, your grandfather wasn't a good man, but that doesn't mean he hasn't changed..... I...." She watches as the four grab and left Billy up. "Kids?"

Billy blinks clearly, incredibly confused. "Are you going to pull me apart?"

The four laugh and run off carrying their grandfather's. Audrey chases after them.

.......

Lyf looked healthier, and his twins stood at either side of him. He grimaced seeing the state Trevor was in as he left the reinforced room.

Trevor was in shredded bloody clothes. His eyes were sunken in from starvation. He had many new scars and discolored skin. He staggered out of the room with a heavy sigh. "He's asleep. I honestly can not tell you if his mind will be intact the next time he wakes. He's still suffering from the effects of starvation on that scale, but the virus to his DNA did work. His body had adapted to it entirely."

"What does that mean?"

"Can we see him?"

"Make sure you have food in case. He's a bit like a wild creature." Trevor sighs. "He needs more time to recover."

Lyf pushed forward. "Go rest. I'll take over the watch on him. Thank you."

"Where my dad?" Trevor swallows.

"Jonny is making lunch."

"Jonny is making a lot."

Trevor nods. "Thank you." He pauses. "Let him rest. There is no telling what is going to happen when he wakes up."

Lyf watches Trevor leave and heads into the room.

Marius is laid out naked. He is pale, and there seems to be new spines along his wings. He was still incredibly skinny, but he did have color in his face again. He was breathing that odd pattern that was normal to him and his species. His lower half up to his hips were covered in a thick fur that he knew to be soft. The bald spots in his fur on his legs and wings seemed to have healed, which was a relief. He looked peaceful asleep.

"Girls, leave me with your dad for now. Let me be the first he sees when he wakes again, and if he isn't himself, then let me take that damage." Lyf gives a sad smile. "I would never forgive myself if I let him hurt you, and he would never forgive himself even if it was an accident. I hurt you both already, and I don't want to do that again."

"Papa, we're already healed."

"We can handle anything."

Lyf gives them both a tight hug. "My beautiful little girls. That isn't the point." He lets go. "Let me do this."

"Papa that isn't fair."

"We can handle this."

"We aren't little kids anymore!"

"You can't just lock us out."

The twins can't argue anymore as a flash of rainbow static and the door was shut cutting them off from their parents again.

[themalhambird]

why I never get significant amounts of writing done, or, a liveblog of my last three hours working on a Mansfield Park fanfic:

Trying to figure out Yates' family for Julia-meets-her-in-laws purposes:

-> he's "the younger son of a lord with a tolerable independence" (MP XIII)

And now I'm down a rabbit hole trying to figure out what Austen means when she says 'a lord'. If she meant an Earl/Viscount/Baron, she surely would have specified "the younger son of a[n] Earl/Viscount/Baron with a tolerable independence." The Law Lords come in too late for that to be applicable.

...The younger sons of Dukes and Marquesses were styled as "lord ---" so Yates could conceivably be the younger son of a younger son. It might be that it's the lord (Yates' father), and not Yates, who has a tolerable independence from his father/our Yates' grandfather. But Dukes and Marquesses seem too aristocratic for Austen's taste: she never seems to aim beyond Earls (Lord Ravenshaw, Colonel Fitzwilliam's father.) Besides, Yates has an estate of his own (MP XLVIII)

[side note- estate as in "area of land"; estate as in "all money and property [he] owned" in general; or estate as in "condition in life?"

"there was comfort in finding his estate rather more, and his debts much less, than [Sir Thomas] had feared" (MP XLVIII). "rather more" seems to fit best with money and property in general: condition would surely be "...his estate rather better." And an area of land might be found to be "[worth] rather more", but just finding it to be bigger in general doesn't mean anything. Like, an extra acre of farmland is one thing, but an extra acre of fetid swamp water isn't gonna generate much income. Besides, younger sons not having their own land is Kind Of A Thing in MP, and Julia's visit to some of Sir Thomas' relatives is attributed to "some view of convenience on Mr. Yates' account" (MP XLVII). "The cousins...live near Bedford Square" (MP XLV), a very fashionable address, and as Yates is described as fashionable and expensive (MP XIII), it seems feasible that Yates has a permanent residence in London, also near Bedford Square...?

And then again, 'Lord' may have been perfectly common parlance for Earl/Viscount/Baron when the specificity of the rank either doesn't matter, or would have been obvious to Austen's original readers thanks to context clues I've missed entirely. The lack of specificity could be deliberate, drawing attention to how little the family at Mansfield Park actually know about Yates. I assume that Yates' father is alive because otherwise why frame him as "younger son" instead of "younger brother"?

....*shakes Jane Austen* you could tell your relations that Mrs Norris' "great sum" she gave William was £1 but you couldn't give them a detailed Yates family tree???

...and then it finally occurred to me to just google "what is a Baron", at which point the OED tells me:

noun

1.a member of the lowest order of the British nobility. Baron is not used as a form of address, barons usually being referred to as ‘Lord’.

So, we learn two things: 1) Yates' father is a Baron [I'm 99% sure] , and 2) I make life far more complicated for myself than it needs to be.

Progress made: plausible existence of Baron Dad Yates (still alive) established. At least 1 brother (older) confirmed. Biologically speaking, can assume a mother also existed or exists.

Words Written: Big Fat 0

...now repeat a similar process for every even semi-significant detail. Like trying to decide whether Bedford Square itself was fashionable enough for Yates (no, but Grovsenor Square or nearby to Grovesnor Square, about 25 minutes away probably would be...)

[missingn000]

I love chapter 42 so much!✨️✨️✨️

It's so nice to see Suguru and Yuuji bonding even though the reason for it is so tragic... like, I am glad Suguru finally sees Yuuji as a person and that Yuuji can feel safe around someone, but I wish the reason wasn't Sukuna ruining everyone's lives because he's a drama queen.

Nobara getting ready to attack Sugur in Higurama's name is so sweet of her. Like, you really captured the essence of her character in that one scene!💖

Well, they're finally putting together the pieces of the puzzle and it doesn't look nice at all... At least now they're all kind of on the same page about Mahito, Hajime and Kenjaku.

Toji is right about blaming Sukuna. Like, I understand why Yuuji feels guilty (he is a precious bean and also 10), but I hope his family can convince him that getting possessed by an asshole doesn't mean you're guilty for his actions.

The conversation between Nanami and Sukuna was so interesting! I love how Sukuna overshares and monologues, I am certain spending however many years he spent all by himself did not help his social skills. Like, he is dropping so many hints about his tragic backstory: the psychological torture comments, the whole "sucks to be the strongest", the no longer having a soul, there is nothing good in this world anymore, the Yuu-Ji thing as well. Once I finish my final exam I will try to put together a theory because all I can do right now is rotate everything in my mind.

Sukuna's opinion on humanity is very interesting. I like how you gave him complex thoughts on human nature and a philosophy of his own. It's really great how you gave both him and Kenjaku ideologies that tie into the themes of the story instead of the classic "I am evil, always have been, always will be". Like, even though Kenjaku is irredeemable at least he is motivated by something. And if Sukuna is going to get forcefully added to the found family he needs some toxic beliefs to let go of.

Yuuji and Megumi make me so sad, but at least the bullying Sukuna club is there to make it better.

✨️Sukuna got called a weird individual!✨️

✨️Sukuna learned how to pronounce Yuuji's name!✨️

"There's nothing good left in the world!" This is Uraume slander. Like, I can't believe Sukuna is saying this while his bestie is still out there... smh. Uraume was there by his side during his entire flop era and this is how he repays them? I get that he needs to drop hints about his tragic backstory in the most dramatic fashion, but he could be more considerate.😔

Satoru and Suguru will finally talk!✨️✨️✨️Took them long enough.

Yuuji called Nanami his papa, told Shoko she is his mother!✨️ (I am so glad he disowned Kenjaku✨️✨️✨️)

Nanashoko is the only couple that has rights smh... I am glad they got together and proved that talking to each other like normal people has benefits. Good for them!🎉💖🎉

Nanami's second conversation with Sukuna was also interesting... Sukuna really says a lot of concerning stuff out of nowhere that makes zero sense without context and he seems less than willing to provide context. The one policy that he's no longer interested in is such and interesting thing and I am glad Nanami doesn't let him avoid the subject. Like, he managed to back the King of Curses into a corner! Good for him!

Also, congratulations on graduating!✨️

✨️💖✨️

i'm glad you enjoyed chapter 42!! yeah getou and yuuji bonding was sooo sweet, even if the origin of their cute dynamic was getou beating the shit out of the demon in yuuji's body, which was technically still yuuji himself. ouch. well at least getou made some serious progress seeing him as a person rather than, well, yknow

WAHH NOBARA AND HIGURUMA...they're making progress too, even if they're less open about it.

yeah, you could really see the puzzle pieces fitting together in that first scene huh? the poor fam realizing with mounting horror that this has all been planned for years...at least they figured out it isn't really getou's fault, and now they, for the most part, know who they're up against. though they definitely do not see who "yuuji's mother" is coming. toji's so right, sukuna's at fault here too

BRO THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN NANAMI AND SUKUNA WAS SO FUN TO WRITE. plus it was really fun to explore sukuna's potential thoughts on humanity in a compelling way since we know so little about his canon psyche. he deserves a philosophy of his own and weird, offputting takes on human nature!! plus i personally think evil because it's fun isnt quite as intriguing as evil because it's satisfying

regarding uraume...stay tuned, because THAT is gonna be crazy. i promise he didn't forget about them. he couldn't even if he tried. i'll leave it at that for now

PLEASE nanashoko rights!! stsg get your shit together, these two are outdoing you at communication and theyve been together for a few hours. nanami rlly managed to back sukuna into a corner RIGHT after that. this dude gets it.

tysm for reading <333

[bonesandthebees]

that ties into the fact that we have no idea whatll happen to wilbur afterwards

I would love to believe that he wont be forced into any roles (maybe even get to figure out his relationship with clara, communicate it out with her in a way or something tho that is very hopeful and foolish) and get to live as a person if he wishes to (which im confident to say he does)

he has phil on his side (and surely also tommy, niki techno, some other deathlings too) and I would even dare to believe eret wouldnt force him into a strict role like that, plus he did agree to the plan but im not sure if that really accounts for any insurance

but does any of that really matter if he still keeps getting visions

at this point it doesnt feel like enough for wilbur to get to be a person while still getting and relaying vision, bc there is deep rooted trauma

I think he either ignores the visions or fixes his relationship with clara ig (idk how that could even happens but it would definitely be very interesting ngl)

not sure if that makes sense but in general im just praying for some closure and freedom for him, my boy deserves at least that

wilbur has made some insane progress lately and it can be seen, especially in the last chapter and I go over that in my comments but just trusting more in general, less afraid to break pythia rules, ... im so proud of him

what I do want to point out is how, despite the deathlings being his friends/family now, the good ones basically, and even kristin being more there than clara ever really was, wilbur still doesnt like kristin and doesnt want to be a deathling

like hes with them and hes one of them in a way, but hes not a deathling, he isnt switching to kristin just bc he hates clara

and I absolutely love that, bc while switching to being a deathling would make sense, his journey here is about discovering himself, without the influence of anyone else, especially not goddesses (I think if he werent chosen as the pythia he wouldve been an atheist, talking to q about it was very intriguing to him)

on completely different note I noticed that the kind of visions wilbur receives (or maybe how he perceives them) is relevant to how he feels about something rn, like the vision about escaping vs the new vision being confused bc hes confused

not sure if thats what's actually happening but it feels like it

and ofc I cant forget, THAT SANDDUO SCENE? WITH THE NAME REVEAL? BONES YOUR SANDDUO ARE EVERYTHING TO ME

so unbelievably proud of wilbur for how far hes come and prying this all goes well and he gets to live the life he deserves

and a mandatory "the pythia"/"wilbur" narration changes bc I dont think ill ever be normal about that, it just always gives every moment even more meaning, its genius

2/2

hm... while it would be great for wilbur not to be forced into any more roles he IS still clara's chosen. he is still going to receive visions of the future whether he wants them or not. and that means something even if he doesn't want it to.

guess you'll have to wait and see how that turns out :)

yeah the thing is I think a lot of readers expected wilbur to switch to kristin since she's the 'opposite' of clara in a sense, but that's not the route i wanted to go down. wilbur's trauma is so deeply ingrained, any kind of religious institution leaves a bad taste in his mouth now. the past ten years of his life have been dictated by the rules of the divine, but he doesn't want that anymore. he wants to step away from the divine entirely, and get the experience he's been denied for so long: just being a person.

aaa thank you I loved writing that sandduo scene so much. he's made SO much progress it's been so fun to write his slow character growth throughout this entire fic, and finally reap the rewards.

[ladyhindsight]

So I'll finally try to articulate some thoughts on TLH. The novellas to get to know about Alastair before ChoG are Nothing But Shadows (TFSA, James pov) and Cast Long Shadows (GOTSM, Matthew pov). NBS is focused on James's experience at the Academy and a significant part of it was being bullied by Alastair, and there Alastair is just basically Draco Malfoy bullying Harry Potter in the early books (thinking of canon HP, not whatever went on in fanon). Now, in CLS is where we have a flashback to when Alastair told Matthew the rumor about his parents. There is no mention of Alastair "spreading" the rumor besides telling Matthew about it, that was new information in ChoG. There are hints of a more nuanced perspective on Alastair, shown by Thomas, referencing that Alastair has some family problems and is most certainly envious of how they have loving fathers.

I think that was when I decided to like him, as it showed that his character would be at least a bit more deeper than a caricature of a mean boy at school.

Something I enjoy about Alastair is that at least in my opinion, the narrative/writing/etc doesn't REALLY try to tell you that you're wrong or right for liking or disliking him. Of course, there's the factor of him being insulted all the time, and I think this should have been done more organically, as half of it seems like the author didn't want people on social media saying she is a bullying apologist or what. There was some backlash from the people who wished him to stay a mean caricature, because how dare someone who hurt James and Matthew to not be written as an irredeemeble monster (same goes for Grace, really).

The way ChoG ends for Alastair wouldn't be a problem to me if that was something that could ever happen to one of the main characters. That thing you have been saying about TMI and TDA characters also fits TLH like a glove: nobody can ever call them out on anything and much less "win" an argument, they can't ever be the ones in the wrong.

Alastair was the one to "start" the beef between them, and that means that as the beef keeps going the main characters can do whatever they want and nobody thinks they're wrong and calls them out and make them feel like the "underdog" ever. I think the time Matthew (quoting the wiki) "promptly gave Christopher the ingredients he needed to blow up a wing of the Academy that Alastair was in" was a bit concerning, but I don't think the writing agrees. He was just being a funny silly guy. (This is told both in NBS and CLS I think)

One would think if that someone spreads rumors about your family, getting their room to explode would at least make you somehow even. We don't know much of what kind of damage the explosian really made, by the way, as this is not importart, as I said, Matthew was just being a funny silly guy. Which is the general attitude the series has for his character: he is being a funny silly guy/he is being an angsty silly guy. He is never really WRONG, you know. That drives me insane. It's TMI all over again but with many more people.

Alastair and Grace are the ones that can be wrong, like people usually are, and that made them much more interesting to me.

I haven't started on Charles, bruh, the writing of this character gets me climbing the walls with the absurdity.

- R

Alastair and Matthew mirror a lot of Gabriel and Will, but maybe their premise is a bit more nuanced than the latter ones’. Gabriel certainly wasn’t given the time of day Alastair in this story is, so it’s a progress, I guess. I really don’t have anything to add here. Everything you said was just perfect and my sentiments are the same.

Charles, though. A year back I received this message that pointed out that “his whole villanization is based on him not wanting to come out in the 1900s because he wants to have a good political career. so aparentely not being able to come out is his fault for having career dreams and not of the homophobic environment he lives in where being openly queer would damage his career. in london, 1903.”

Charles was written like Percy Weasley in Chain of Gold. His hopes and dreams for his future were a point of ridicule, and how he holds his mother and her position in great respect was another funny thing. Charles, what a try hard no one really respects. Ha ha. 😑 The object of the hatred these characters—Alastair, Charles, Grace—receive is misplaced, because it is their environment that plays a lot into their behavior and motives. With characters like James and Matthew it’s more reaction-based, how other characters behave towards them and around them because their environment has been stable and surrounded by trusty and safe adults (just how I see it, to put it simply, at the moment).

Of course, so it’s with Charles, but his goals in life are different from Matthew. Where I am at, Matthew doesn’t want to be a Clave official or hold office of any sort or be a public figure. I’ll probably get my answer once I read the next books, but I wonder if Charles’ homosexuality and Matthew’s bisexuality ever get addressed together, and I mean from the sense that Charles is in the closet and Matthew seemed rather open, or at least more open, about his bisexuality.

[papirouge]

What’s are your views on “purity culture” among christians

I think it varies between denominations but the idea is still around mainly fundamentalists. It’s definitely important to teach women how important it is to be picky, believe in hypergamy, and ignore probably the 90% of scrotes that aren’t good people but I never really believed in flat out refusing to teach sex ed, what stds and stis are, what Plan B is, and how birth control and condoms work. Which seems like a lot of these more fundamentalists tend to do.

I had this friend who is divorced now. She grew up in that type of environment where they were very strict about her purity but ignored the boys virginity completely. Like she had two brothers who were total opposites. 1 was basically community dick and caught a disease and her parents didn’t care 💀 the other was an incel who was very anti social. And her parents were upset that they couldn’t marry him off because not even the desperate fundie girls wanted his violent outbursts. He’s still single too and approaching 40

She was married young to her ex and had no idea how sex even worked. She was only told to avoid it and it just scared her. So when she got married, she told me how her parents and church counselor were upset that she didnt turn into someone who liked sex immediately. Even kissing was new to her and she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t like it at all/avoided sleeping in the same as her husband and was told by them to suck it up when she expressed she had pain. When she got older she left that church and her husband but was ex communicated by her family for it.

Does that type of stuff happen in France?

Purity isn't much of a thing anywhere else in the world because as I said, most of USAmerican evangelicalism staples are rooted in culture not in Christianism. I've always found fascinating how France & its very liberal "sex culture" was compared to the US (age of consent is 15 years old, birth control & abortion is free, condoms are handed over in highschool, etc.) yet managed to have proportionally lower abortion rate than God fearing United States of America lol

Fundies family don't exist anywhere else in the world beside the USA anon so nope, we don't have this kind of messy affairs here. Catholicism is in a limbo here in France and real Catholic families are very rare. And even when they do, they don't hold such a spiritual grip on their members to guilt trip them into marrying someone. The only stories of people being excommunicated are bishops coming out as gay or being caught dating/having sex with women lol

The story of your divorced friend is very representative of the double standards of women virginity vs male virginity. Although it's quite normal to particularly warn off women about the consequences of sex because, unlike men, they are the ones who'll carry the baby so they have much more responsibility to deal with (as unfair it may sound). But it doesn't mean men virginity is any less relevant.

Many of women will never want a community d*ck, that's why her busted brother is still single at 40 (which is weird bc red pillers always said men got more value as they got older 🤔).

Fornicators are literally filled with demons and should be avoided at all costs.

And yet, I'm sure he's not shamed like his sister was to marry a man she was even attracted to... Her story is so sad.. but she's better off outside of this cult though. She's lucky she if she didn't have any child with him...

I think kids shouldn't be taught sex ed before middle school. I did in elementary school and it lowkey fucked me up. Even when I was 12-13 years old I had a male friend of my age who told me how many times a week he masturbated and it triggered me so bad lmao

Tbh there should be something progressive, like first learning about sexual organs, periods, how babies are made (12~13 years old), than at 15 about birth control(?) IDK the idea of teaching kids sex at school is weird to me but I think I would be even more traumatized if my mom taught me any of this because we NEVER talk about things like that lmaoo I guess it's important to build a trust relationship with your kid from start so that it's not awkward when you actually do? IDK I lowkey hate the sex talk and wish sex wasn't such a big deal in society so I'm probably not the best person to inquire about that lmaooo

[fountainpenguin]

Fanfic meme: 8, 16, 20

[Current Ask game]

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

I made a significant amount of progress on both The Beatin' Path and Lions Under Palm Trees before I faded from writing Total Drama, and some of my favorite scenes I've ever written are in those 'fics, but were never posted. I delayed mainly because writing those meant skipping past my unfinished 'fic The Lyin' Queen, which came chronologically earlier but which I was struggling with.

I like Staci as a character. I think she's goofy and confident. She was fun to write, but I was going to do this big twist reveal where you find out at the end that she has short term memory loss, and the entire story was written so that you just thought she was a little spacy until then. I wrote the prequel to Lyin' Queen (Life of a Loser) in two months or less, so I was young and ambitious and wasn't prepared for how much work Lyin' Queen was... and it only grew more difficult as I continued through school.

I'd like to get back to these stories though because sincerely they have some of my all-time favorite scenes and I still think about them a lot. Leonard is like, my all-time favorite Total Drama character and he was eliminated second in Pakithew and first in Ridonculous Race, which means it's Leonard time ALL the time and he's the best.

Will there be an audience for these stories almost 10 years after I stopped writing them? Idk, maybe not... but when I think about how Leonard is fantastic, and how many scenes I never shared with the world, I am filled with love... (for Leonard).

Throwback to 2015-2016 when I was still posting mainly on dA and I used to type with the manual italics:

Also to this day, Topher is still hands-down one of the best examples of a manipulative slimeball character I have ever seen in my life and I love him too <3

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

I don't think I'd put it all on not receiving attention, but I did put No Anesthetic aside partly because it wasn't getting as much positive feedback as I hoped and partly because of criticism I received (not in the visible reviews portal, but elsewhere) that kind of hurt.

Honestly Youngblood is the only part of Danny Phantom that truly captivates me (though I do have a fondness for a few of the other ghosts), and I just didn't have the drive to carry that story through a wave of criticism when I had the alt option of writing for Fairly OddParents in a fandom that was much more welcoming to my ideas.

I don't want to make it sound like that's the only reason I stopped on this 'fic. There are a lot of scenes in No Anesthetic that are kind of info-dumpy and drag on, since Youngblood is learning about the Ghost Zone for the first time. I was juggling school, life, and other 'fics and the info-dumpy nature of this story made it more of a chore to write. It just didn't feel worth it because it was more work than my other stories, I didn't feel like anyone was enjoying it, and it was one extra thing I had on my plate, so I stopped.

Now that it's been 6 years, I'd like to rewatch Danny Phantom and maybe go back to this story someday to see if it sparks something in me. I like my worldbuilding ideas for the Ghost Zone, and like the TD 'fics above, I had a lot written. Here's one of my favorite WIP scenes:

But also, my draft has a lot of missing scenes, and the story hangs in fragments because it doesn't really "go anywhere" and the plot is just a found family story without a lot of direction, so it would take a lot of revisions to make it less info-dumpy and flesh it into something with proper story beats. I might go back to it someday, but probably not any time soon. Or if I do go back to it, I might cut a lot of the plans I initially had and turn it into a shorter piece with just a few chapters instead. We'll see.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

When I'm finished with Origin of the Pixies and Frayed Knots, I'd like to go back and clean them up a little. There are little lines here and there that bother me, and I used to spell out large numbers instead of typing them as numerals, there are info-dumpy moments, stuff like that. I force myself to keep moving forward because I'm worried that if I get nitpicky, I'll never finish, so just remember that you're reading stuff I started in 2016 and it is technically in a draft state /shrug.

I've not rewritten a 'fic before, but I do have some pieces from 10 years ago that I'd like to write with more sensitivity knowing what I know now. As one example, there's a 'fic I wrote that I never moved from dA to FFN because the relationship between those characters moved from platonic to romantic after one forced the other into a kiss. I didn't understand consent back then and media had shown me that people often liked surprise kisses and enjoyed platonic relationships that suddenly became romantic.

I played with those characters for a while before I discovered the concept of asexuality and realized that I headcanoned this character as ace. I no longer wanted that forced kiss to be associated with my storyline, so it still exists on dA because I don't like deleting 'fics, but I didn't move it to FFN with the others.

There's also another 'fic I wrote where it's pretty obvious that I didn't understand how the legal system works, so I didn't move that one over either because I don't think it's very good. I also have other 'fics on a site that's not AO3, FFN, or dA, but I posted under a different name back then and while they were fun, they were populated with OCs and I don't want to unbury them.

I have no interest in rewriting those old 'fics, but the general idea of "There are sensitive topics I didn't treat in the most sensitive way 10+ years ago" and "I really didn't understand how the adult world works" remains. I'm glad I've been writing for so long, but I do hope I never end up in a situation where someone wants to hold up my old stories as an example of what I believe now, because I was young and have a lot of old stuff I don't want to delete because this is my writer's journey and I don't want to throw it away /shrug.

This is the last Ask for this Ask game that I have in my inbox, so I'll wrap up the questions here unless anyone wants to send in more tonight. Thanks for the interest!

[Current Ask game]

[may-be-magic]

Okay I'm gonna elaborate on this. In an ensemble show, it is absolutely vital to give your characters room to breathe and develop. So in Ted Lasso, with about 15 characters that we care about, we needed filler episodes. Sam shouldn't have had to cram his relationship developing with Simi into hints with no real fulfillment. One episode focusing on him and his restaurant wasn't enough. If the season wants to have a whole bit on Colin and Michael, we should see Michael for more than 5 minutes. Should see them at home for more than a kiss goodbye. I think they're sweet but we literally got no development for their relationship. The audience has no reason to believe it matters other than "ope character gay". Fandom makes up for a lot Michael's lack of development but it shouldn't have to.

We needed to see Ted struggling with remaining more. We needed to see more of Henry actually saying he missed his dad and building their relationship. Fuck I mean. Ted spends most of the episode when Henry visiting obsessed with Michelle. And you want me to believe he'll give up his entire new family for this kid? Come on. A whole episode focusing on Ted being disconnected and unhappy and not being a the best coach as a result wouldve been great.

Nate is redeemed during the season but it's so quick a lot of people misunderstand it or don't trust it. And with good reason. It comes off less "He's getting more uncomfortable being mean as the season progresses" and more "He improved himself for a girl" which is a fucking disservice to Nate and Nick's excellent performance. An episode just focusing on Nate and how he doesn't like West Ham. Showing him missing Richmond and the people there. It would've been so good.

Don't even get me started on the Roy Keeley Jamie of it all. Keeley's plot was separate cause of Juno's schedule. I get that. But their ending is so sudden it does a disservice to all of them. Jamie and Keeley barely share any screen time but he's will to fight his best friend for her? If we could've had an episode just of them. God what a dream scenario. Mom City is so close but it doesn't matter if they're going to flip all the characters a week later for the finale.

All of these could've been fixed with bottle episodes or character focused episodes. Jamie and Sam each kind of get one. Amsterdam was a fun concept which perfectly balanced all the characters individual stories and gave them chances to shine. But it wasn't enough.

A beach episode to give the lads a break during their win streak. A Halloween episode which focuses on how everyone's pretending to be something they aren't would fit so well for Colin. Another Christmas episode where we see Ted decide he misses his family too much. A MUSICAL EPISODE WHICH UTILIZED THEIR TALENTED CAST. It could've been from Beard's POV, maybe he accidentally drank the wrong tea again and came to work high and somehow everyone is singing. I know Beard after dark got bad reception but a lot of people love it. Its a great example of a bottle episode.

There are some many issues that plague show productions now adays. But I think short seasons do the most disservice to the viewers. It forces the writers to cram in too much. It gives the audience much less room to breathe. All for the profits of the production company. Apple could've milked the last season of weekly releases for half a year of they'd made a longer season too.

Ted Lasso, as a show, was harmed by the short seasons that are commonplace in productions today and would've benefitted from 20 episode seasons with room for filler episodes. In this essay I will-

[saintatomique]

Dev diary - Symbolism of characters' names

(This post is related to the development of my sci-fi/supernatural visual novel 'Heroes Of Oblivion' which is out now on itch.io. It may contain some spoilers. You've been warned.)

There is a distinct difference between fake names of Tibor and the characters' real names which are often less than elaborate and show their inner, messy selves. About this relationship between their neat, controlled 'shells' and their actual personalities I will be writing below.

Oblivion - Obviously, this name both hints at 'depth' and 'emptiness' as in 'memory loss', 'forgetfulness'. As a character, Oblivion is both deep and empty, perhaps like a well that hides water down below. He is a vessel, he doesn't yet know of what. Since he doesn't yet know, it makes him both vulnerable and extremely dangerous because any kind of ideology can fill his mind. I once invented a saying which I am very proud of, it goes like this (and I sincerely believe in it) 'A man you don't know what to expect from is dangerous but not as dangerous as a man who doesn't know what he expects from himself.' The lack of self-awareness can be deeply unsettling and Oblivion who is an epitome of forgetful, empty state which is typical for youth, is very dangerous.

Alex - a greek word for 'Defender'. It's interesting that it's a Greek word, by the way, unintentionally I linked him to Eurydice, Orpheus, and so on. Interestingly also, Alexithymia is being unable to understand and identify one's emotions. Some say that only unemotional people are alexithymic but I disagree, you can follow one heart to the extrent your emotions blur into some instinctual state that can be almost alexithymic.

'Defender' is an opposite of 'Oblivion', someone who never forgets. And he lived up to that name.

Blackthorn - An English-sounding, cool-sounding mishmash that only vaguely hints at a plant and more likely hints at something abrasive, sharp and thorny, Blackthorn is even more comical than his real name Wilton. 'Black' hints at something pompous aka 'black tie event'. The lack of clear symbolism here hints at the irony with which the story treats Wilton's ambition.

Wilton is an English-sounding name among various Germanic and Slavic names in Tristia and it's for a reason. Wilton's family is rich and ambitious and since the world where my characters are from, there are still USA and UK with their industrial progress and riches, his parents wanted to name their son something that would sound 'cool' aka Anglosaxon. It's also (as far as I know) a last name made a first name, which is already fairly artificial. Artificial means Tibor-ready and that's why Wilton enjoyed Utopian Tibor out of all the men shown. His delusion is grandeur is already so plastic he is ready for more lies - that's what his name hints at, which is already unnatural.

Slither - What in God's name is this name? Well, that's the kind of reaction it is supposed to evoke: shock. Slither likes to shock people and his name is appropriately musician stage name-like. I am pretty sure 'slippery' applies to both his hair gel and his behavior. But the reason why this name is a bit too funny lies in who invented it.

I think Ambrosius invented all of the new names impromptu and almost instantly, together with Oblivion's assistance, of course. He begged him not to name them something too embarrassing which, I am sure, saddened Ambrosius. Some boys lucked out more than others. Slither grew to like his name, I guess but I am pretty sure it was just Ambrosius' prank on him since from Ambrosius' perspective, Slither/Felix is an effeminate clown and not in a pure boy way like Alex, in an annoying way. Maybe it's beacause something about Slither's/Felix's flamboyance that threatens the traditional masculinity, I am sure.

(As all who played the game know: Slither had his revenge...)

Felix - Latin for 'Lucky'. Surpise, Felix is already quite 'slippery' of a name. First, Felix was lucky in avoiding responsibility. Then, he even avoided death and had his dream come true. Then, his luck ran out. But for a good reason.

Thank you, Felix, for not being as lucky as you were meant to be.

Credence - 'Faith', 'Belief'. A famous protestant name. We can all agree that there is no bigger protestant (at least in spirit alone) than Credence: a spiteful workaholic, a prude and a minsathrope with a passionate faith in illusory things. You just can't get more protestant than that. Unlike Credence Barebone who had this name imposed on him and protested against it, Credence is at home with this name. He lives on faith and passion alone, everything else is secondary. Novak said 'You could make a career as a priest'. Obviously, he could be a priest. A very angry, very bad kind of priest. He even has a gothic garb with a cross painted on him. It just can't get any more obvious. It's a servant of technofaith.

Heinz - 'Home ruler'. I must admit I chose this name to be as boring and Germanic as possible because Germanic people tend to be prudes and technophiles but the real meaning hints at that love he may lack.

Ambrosius - 'Immortal'. Ah, of course. 'Mort' and 'Immortal'. Life and death. However, wait. Ambrosius isn't 'Life' (even if Heinz calls him that when he first meets the boys and Alex also calls him that later), merely something that won't die. Novak also said 'I'd say 'Long live Tibor but it will never...truly...die'... Death is natural so maybe some things should die. The very dream of immortality is just a fear parading as utopia.

Anthony - Some sources say that Latin Antonius means 'Priceless one', some say that the other origin is Hebew which means 'He has given'. In any case, I wasn't choosing this name for its meaning but the link between Tibor and Latin name Anthony. Anthony is also a very mediocre name, very non-suspicious one and it worked well in this case, being without too much symbolism attached which would probably mislead readers.

Mort - 'Death'. It's not a name, but the truth. He is quite literally the personification of what the characters forgot, Memento Mori.

Novak - 'A new one'. This name actually doesn't exist as a first name apart from a few famous cases. It is a last name, a famously peasant, no-frills, rough Slavic farmer name which was given to people who only just gained theirs. It is funny, now that I think of it, that this most plain of names, which Novak also had to hide for many years, was still more dear to him than any fancy names, even the fancier, edgier name 'Mort'. Some newly christened Jews also gained that last name. It's a name that shows submitting oneself completely to fate which Novak did. Novak definitely 'renewed' himself many times, by playing all his fake roles but then playing his last role - for humanity's sake. He was patched and sew anew again, to match his name. This particular reading of his name (with v, not w as it is Poland) is Czech.

Thank you for reading!

[will-o-wips]

Save the Villainess Thoughts by Willow Masterpost Part 1: Jane

So I've decided to be insane. Make a small (lies, it is long, that is why it is divided up into parts) post about the Halloween videos and the lore that they have given us. As well as maybe compile theories/thoughts about these characters. Idk if there is a community for this even, or if anybody's actually obsessed like I am, but I'm having fun thinking about it either way, so... I guess this is for like the 0.0000000000001% of the people (me and only me). Enjoy lmao.

You have been warned: the actual insanity starts under the cut lmao.

So I will start with... Jane. Mostly because her Halloween special video is not as lore-bomb-dropping as the rest. The video itself is mostly about certain aspects of the gameplay so far. It's a neat little thing! Honestly, these are more thoughts/rambles than actual, well, coherent notes, but from what I've noticed (from being insane and watching every single social media post on Tumblr Best Laid Plans Productions ever made about all of them, more or less, even though my memory is spotty and I didn't have time to rewatch them before making this), is that Jane is just unknowingly integrated in this world. I don't notice her having any thoughts about before she was transported into the romance novel she read; it's not like she's thinking about her family home, or that she has any plans of going back. She just knows she doesn't belong in this world as the villainess, which is super interesting to me. She's just... accepted her fate and that she must survive. She's BECOME the villainess, rather than just feeling like an imposter in another person's body. She only knows she's innocent, which is why she's fighting so hard to be freed from such a fate. Another thing that supports this is the fact Jane always says such weird phrases that I'm like 99% sure aren't actual English idioms, but rather phrases that this alternate romance novel universe uses. Such as "By the blood" in the Halloween special specifically, because, what does this mean Jane???? What are you referring to here!!! (Side note: Edmund also uses these odd phrases a lot, so I suppose it's something the nobility of Carcosa are familiar with; some kind of "noble language" to distinguish those of nobility from commoners or whatever. Some kind of pretentious thing that just happens because society is cruel lmao. Either that OR this is just the way Carcosians speak in general and Jane just kinda always knew this ever.)

Another thing, besides just the obvious announcements of how this guideline/tutorial thing works in the gameplay, is the fact that Jane explicitly states that daytime and nighttime are important. Most people would sign this off to, well, gameplay experience. That during the night you can talk to people more intimately and have like rendezvous or whatever with your favourite characters, while at daytime you're solving mysteries mostly. See the thing with that is, is that Servant also somewhat says very similar things in previous instances of videos. And we all know that Servant is like... that one person that gives everyone the creeps, the intrigue and also the insanity. They are, as of now, the most explicit in the fact they are somewhat of a mastermind behind this all. They know what is happening with the lore. They know, but they don't like explicitly telling us what is happening, so... yeah thanks ig Servant? In each case, Jane here is not joking when she says that nighttime and daytime are important; they're probably very much so magically (maybe?) linked to how this story is supposed to progress. Aka gameplay actually impacts lore, and lore impacts gameplay. As to what it is referring to... well, I have my theories about it. But what I'm most confident in is that it is related to some kind of magic about the story. It is relevant to the narrative; relevant to things both Ben and Servant know about this world. And I say Ben because he's also so sus in such a world-altering way but I'll talk about him later... yeah, later lmao.

Now, my notes that I took while watching the videos here are very vague (thank you for that Willow, you are so insane about this you cannot even write in proper English), but there's something about the jewelry and accessories of these characters. Most noticeably, the way they glow. Like Rhythmically Glowing and Shaking. In Jane's case, it's her earrings [her brooch is less important but it still has symbolism on it probably, with how it has a bee etched onto it. Maybe this is her family's like symbol? Like how Renaissance Pope families had different kinds of symbols etched into buildings they funded into existence and all. Who knows]. Maybe this is some kind of glint effect or whatever; but then why is it animated like THAT??? Idk if I'm onto something or not here, I have high suspicions that I am, but maybe I'm also just looking into it too deeply... but there's something wrong with this jewelry. There's something wrong with the way that Servant's Brooch also glows, whenever Edmunds (tie clips? cufflinks for your neck??? what are they I'm not good with fashion, though the game has such good fashion design guys okay) accessories start glowing and shaking, when Izel has his little gem earring (I love that design omg, also + the brooch he has on his tie but like it doesn't shake) shakes and glows as well and how Ben's POCKET WATCH CHAIN (+ the little uhh buttons on his coat but they don't shake the way the other things do) IS GLOWING OKAY (and yes I'm insane enough to pause these videos just to see whether it is true). Something is going on. It's happening (slightly) even during daytime, and I checked this, so there's something fishy with this. There has to be. I'm so convinced there is jfkldsjfks. A possible explanation for this is that because these characters are all main actors in the story, some kind of magic is there to maybe,,, force them to play their part? Maybe they cannot be exempted from the main storyline because of this? Maybe everybody is just here because they have no other choice? Honestly idk. More thoughts on this in the other parts because dude I'm gonna lose my mind if I try to put everything in here. AND MAYBE IT'S JUST AN ARTISTIC CHOICE AND I'M JUST INSANE ABOUT IT??? Who knows.

Anyway, to close off this post, because I know it is long and idk whether there's actually any substance here, I'll try to compile the thoughts about Jane into a few small sentences, without fangirling in between lmao.

She's lovely, and while she is very funny, I find her harder to pin down than the rest of the cast (that we know of as of writing this). She's dead set on surviving, and that's probably because she might have experienced death once already. Either as the Villainess Jane Neville herself, or as the person she (possibly) used to be, that we know absolutely nothing of. She does not show any other hints to her past: just constantly assuring us she desperately needs help. I love her, of course, not only for her character design or the fact that she's funny, but for the fact that she somehow manages to avoid telling us anything concrete about herself. I don't think that this is done because Jane is not a character and is supposed to be a player-insert (that may play a part in it but y'know, that's just the nature of these kinds of games to a degree); she very much so is a character. She knows these phrases and these small courtesy things that no normal person who WASN'T integrated into this fantasy world would know. Maybe she retained only some of the past memories that her villainess self had, but truly... how could she remember those, but not her fiancé? Not the novel she is in? How can she know she is the villainess with certainty, at all, given she does not remember the book, the plot of said book, nor any of the other characters that well? She only knows someone is out to kill her, and that we must save her. Her weird integration with the world as well as the dissonance she presents with it at the same time is suspicious; she's very mysterious in that regard.

Perhaps I'm biased. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. It might be that I'm missing something entirely. Somehow my suspicion/theory, even to me, feels like it's somewhat misplaced. That something is up is clear, but whether there's evidence to support anything is a whole other thing.

But somehow I'm inclined to believe that... Jane is not as forgetful as she might think she is. And that whatever happens to her by the choice of the player (who you romance, what kind of ending you get, what kind of choices you make, how you survive based on your deductions in the mystery, etc.), it always will tie into something she wanted to be. That us controlling her to a certain kind of destiny, is something she wanted to be, but never got the chance to be.

That we might guide her towards a destiny she actually deserved, rather than the one she has gotten.

[ Lmao I have so many more thoughts about what exactly makes a villainess but like... if the LIs/ROs/MLs or whatever you call them are all deconstructions and reconstructions of their specific tropes... Then isn't Jane also one? Shouldn't she be, at least? If she never was a villainess, then what makes her be one? If she was a villainess, what changes should she undergo in order to become a hero? And if she is neither... Or cannot remember whether she is clearly... What truly discerns her as a villainess?

I have so many more thoughts and theories about these people that I have to cover later because otherwise I'd have been sitting here for 2 hours trying to write all of this down somewhat understandably. If I actually had a plan for like any type of structure I might've not lost so much time on it. Will try to do that when it comes to the rest and all. Might also opt for smaller paragraphs lmao I genuinely hope I'm not overstepping something by doing this??? If the developers see this and go like "okay maybe don't", I'll take it down fjkdsjfklds. It's not like I'm dead set on sharing this if it's for whatever reason not good for business or something. ANYWAY THIS IS GETTING ABSURDLY LONG. Hope you enjoyed my rambles; until next time for the rest of them! ]

[ram-de]

sit and settle

As it turns out, waiting for an important meeting with my supervisor is madly anxiety-inducing. Okay, maybe not that bad. Just, nerve wracking leaning heavily on the heart-thumping madly kind of side. I'm... I don't know. I guess it's because I'm not used to it. The previous students before me took a long time. And it made me well, think about how mine doesn't take long. Mostly because it doesn't happened often but... Oh well. I figured it'd be a little bit embarrassing (and shameful, actually) to show up with so little progress. I'm not taking this seriously, am I?

See. Um. I breathed heavily. I was tapping and my body screams uneasy. Less now since I'm writing about it. Ah... I'm scared about it. But even now I'm not thinking about the consequences. What will happen? Am I going to get scolded? Maybe it's what I needed?

Gosh... I'm so... There's this stray thoughts of me to run away. To just go to a bookstore and find a book instead. I want to walk away so bad. I'm thinking of excuses such as, "Oh I had something to do," or "I suddenly felt a bit unwell," or "I had family thing to sort out." which... Except being unwell to the nerve, the others aren't that true. I'd be lying. And... Lying is addictive. I know that very well so let's not start.

So, what do I do? Just scream. Just... Run away. Just... I don't know. I'm not sure. As I type, thoughts about it what should I tell him for my progress, or stuff like that pours like water. It's so easy for me to think like this. But at the same time it's also easy for me to not care any more less. I'm confused sometime. To be fair it's been an hour from the supposed scheduled meeting... But isn't it normal that stuff happens? Maybe. Hold on. A bit.

Maybe I'll stay until 12.00

Waiting is painful.

It's 12.05 now and I'm still here. So I guess a normal, healthy, functional session of discussion is around 30minutes or more. I'm anxious now. What do I do? Suffer. I guess.... WHAT DO I DO....

And now it's 12.30. I went downstairs and then back here again. Waiting. It's torture. I think I'll wait 15 more minutes and then I'll go. But then the waiting time will be a waste... Okay. That's true. But how long? How long will I wait? At this point I'm not even... Like, mad that I'm here. I guess. I guess I am, in a bit. But the thing is, I'm more so annoyed than anxious. Annoyed that I have to wait. Um. I guess what's annoyed me is that I'm not prepared. Like mentally. My goodness I'm so whiny💀 whatever. Okay. Okay.

12.45. Bottom line.

13.00 Okay we did it🤝 I'm not going to talk about it for now.

---------

BROOOO I'M SO SOCIALLY DEPRAVED ITS NOT FUNNY.... THE FIRST TIME I INTERACTED WITH A FELLOW STUDENTS FROM MY YEAR, same study... I got excited😭 like innocently excited. I know we're not close or anything but havinhg a super short talk is lord.... Even though I stuttered and like nervous and maybe talk a bit too fast and seemed like I want to walk scape. I... How did I survive without interaction for how many months outside family I don't know. Like generally most people aren't judgemental or mean and internally I know it's my own like insecurity and anxiety clouding my perception of people. Agh... I'm a bit happy. It's so creepy though, isn't it? But then again I'm. I don't know. Fuck. Its not even a whole 5 minutes and I've been thinking of why didn't I just get a grip and face people and smile and greet. It's so easy on paper but it's a whole wreckful of anxiety-inducing fear in practice. I'll maybe talk about this later since I'm having free college counseling.

[mjulianwrites]

wip inspiration tag — next day after dawn

thank you max @goose-books for the tag!! the rules for this one are list as many inspirations/influences as you would like for your current work in progress, and explain how they’ve shaped your project!

next day after dawn (or, the project formerly known as historieswip) is a second word political fiction novel that's basically a mishmash shakespeare's histories with 90% less battle scenes and 90% more insane family dynamics. after everyone's favourite boyboss war criminal king gets deposed, his inner circle gets locked up by the new regime, and we follow them as they try to figure out what to do next and slowly drive each other insane.

tagging: @wren-is-writing @athenapollo @avi-why and anyone else who wants to do this!

henry vi part 3 (aka the whole wars of the roses tetralogy): there's a reason this project is just nicknamed historieswip. ohhhhh babygirl we got histories and i am not preserving shakespeare's timelines at ALL, i am just throwing those babies in a blender until i get 1. vaguely medieval english political structures 2. war with not-france 3. huge royal family with so much wrong with them. but from the henry vi plays specifically! this is where like half of the characters come from. the prince cyrus/cassandane/darcy dynamic is just the henry vi/margaret/suffolk love triangle, the house of lunares is the house of york: girlboss edition, and everything about the prince cyrus and mona dynamic comes from me Thinking about henry vi and richard iii foils moments. i could say more but we'd be here all day.

henry iv part 1 (and kind of 2): so. king cyrus is hal but that's also so mean to hal because king cyrus is SO much worse. however. he does have the hal backstory, by which i mean he was a rakish little alcoholic prince with a gay little boytoy until his dad died and then he had to get Serious and banish all his besties. and renan is his poins except if poins didn't get banished and stuck as the world's most depressed advisor faking respectability instead. ALSO kane my best friend kane is basically my hotspur <33

henry v: again, king cyrus is basically just henry v with the war crimes dialed up to 11. this one is the main inspiration for his conquering hero era and also the conflict with not-france and the not-french wife. it's also where i stole the title from!

king john: most of the histories i'm stealing from are at least like. connected to each other. king john is not but i love philip the bastard so fucking much so he's here (with extra transmasc aroace swag). that's helios — the war hero king's bastard who shows up to rise above his station and annoy everyone around him. and maybe be terminally loyal to a king who really doesn't deserve it

succession: the elevator pitch for this project is basically shakespeare's histories meets succession. specifically, season 1 episode 2 of succession, where the all-powerful patriarch is suddenly out of commission and maybe never coming back and the rest of the family is left losing their minds and wondering what the fuck they do now.

the hunger games: here's where i put on my clown shoes and admit that. um. you know how i said kane is hotspur. well he is but he's ALSO cato from the hunger games, as characterized in the criminally long fanfiction i wrote in middle school. and drea is um. clove. ANYWAY. thg is also an inspiration in terms of worldbuilding because i'm going for something kind of post-post-apocalyptic where there are vast disparities in technology in different parts of the country after decades of war and inequality. so we get modern tech plus medieval weapons, thank god.

darkling: this is partly a hatecrime against max my best friend max @goose-books because once upon a time i started jokingly shipping the two horrible old men in this book and then got so attached to the dynamic that i fully imported it into this project and made it canon gay. sorry bestie. but GENUINELY darkling is one of the best fucking books i've ever read and such a huge inspiration for how i do shakespeare retellings and also fucked up family dynamics.

gideon the ninth: this book is really nothing like gtn but i have to give it a shoutout because reading gtn was what inspired me to create this project! basically because i remembered how much i love ensemble casts and decided i wanted to write one. there are some similarities in terms of the vibe of everyone being locked in a big fucked up house together and everyone having super on the nose themed names but really just shoutout to tamsyn muir for being such a good writer that she made me want what she had (so many blorbos)

thank you for coming to my ted talk <3

[fandomfan2000]

Song analysis #3 God of Loss

here's a link to the Song

this is fanart of @brightgoat���‘s ask blog @askcupsandcasinos​, a few of the photos I drew were HEAVILY inspired by some of the stuff Bright's drawn so please check out the original blog. 

I think this Lyric\song title relates to Mugman because of his whole ‘spade’ aesthetic, as we know, according to Brightgoat and king Dice, spades are often associated with death and loss. The whole ‘God” part of this title is more or less ironic, after Mugmans little break down when he and cups visited Quadratus, we now know that he’s still suffering from PTSD and is looking to achieve something more then a mere mortal should, which as Quadratus stated will only end in his demise. Making the title of “god of loss” a perfect fit for the mug.

more under cut 

“My father was a carpenter My mother, she died young”

These lyrics essentially just talk about Elder Kettle. He was Mugman and Cupheads Parental figure. He may not have been a “carpenter” but I see that line as more saying that he was humble and a hard worker, instilling these qualities into Mugman & Cuphead (well more or less). “My Mother she died young” is rather self explanatory, even though Elder Kettle didn't die young, he did pass away when the boys were relatively young, which was equally crushing to Cups and Mugs as a guardian dyeing young, if not more because they had no one left. 

“I’m the eldest of my brothers You’re the trouble in my blood Trouble in my blood”

this line also feels self explanatory but I’ll explain it any way. 

Its basically just stating facts, Mugman is “technically older” then cuphead “by like, a minute or something”. Aaaand Cuphead is usually seen as the trouble maker f the 2 whos always getting them roped into trouble. Which I think Mugman, just judging by the way he treats Cuphead does believe that cuphead is trouble.

This also refers to how Mugs’ ancestors and his relation to him has and will cause nothing but trouble. 

“I swore that I’d stay humble Like my father was before He built the home I live in Of sand and mud and smoke Sand and mud and smoke “

This line correlate’s to Elder Kettle having been a very simple and kind man and how the boys see him in a good light. It also serve as an ironic statement as we all know Mugmans main sin is pride.

I see this line as more about Elder Kettle and Mugs’ ancestors and their effect on them, how they helped shape and build Mugs into the person he is. It also seems like a reference to the Bible and how Adam, the first human, was created. In the Bible God made him by taking, I think it was dust I'm not sure though, from the ground and created man, which I think is close enough to “Sand & Mud & smoke” to have a correlation as all those things come from the earth. I figured a reference to the Bible was fitting considering the whole ‘heaven and Hell’ theme.

“Yes, we will leave here without a trace Take a new name and an old shape”

This line correlates to Mugmans fear of death...or more a fear of being forgotten and not accomplishing anything notable his life before passing. It also correlates to Elder Kettles death and how he just disappeared, everything and everyone related to him went missing after his death.

the picture I drew is a redraw of Elder Kettles grave from this post.

This line refers to the parallels between Cuphead & Mugman vs The legendary chalice and her mystery friend whos been hinted at a few times. How their personalities kind of line up, Cuphead & Chalice being the more outgoing risk takers and Mugman & mystery cup being the prideful scientist’s. Meaning Cups & Mugs are the “new names” but really thanks to their ancestors giving them their signature soul powers, are living in “old shapes’ so to speak. Did any of that make any sense??? anyway moving on

“I’ll be no outlaw, no renegade Just your faithful god of loss”

(Eheheh this is my favorite verse it fits so well >:D)

So this just refers to 3 of the main 4′s roles (Devil, King Dice, Mugman) and kinda, maybe, sorta Mug mans internal thoughts. King Dice is a well known and respected outlaw\criminal as we know, having been having been “outlawed across half the globe” if I'm remembering correctly. The Devils whole thing is that he’s a renegade, fighting against his fathers oppressive rule to create change... even if what he’s doing is ultimately pointless. Lastly Mugman. The line relating to him I've already touched on but again its and of more ironic if anything. Mug man is simply the “god of loss”. 

“So meet me by the river On a boat-shaped piece of earth We press our bones together And the spider does its work With flakes of garlic And petals from a rose If it’s small enough to carry You and I can call it home You and I can call it home”

okokok theres a lot to cover here ahhhh...  

“So meet me by the river” could hint at the river of souls running through purgatory, not particularly relevant but considering that's were the Chalice is, its an important setting in the story so that makes this line relevant. 

“We press our bones together” could reference just the characters and how their dynamics help progress the story, haha that comparison is kind of a stretch though. “And the spider does its work” I think refers to the devil (you know how his head can shape shift into a spider and all-) and his family and how their busy in the background, doing things mugs doesn't really understand or know of yet, which have the possibility of negatively impacting the brothers.

“If it’s small enough to carry You and I can call it home”

this refers to how the mystical inkwell and indirectly the memories the brother carry of Elder Kettle, allow them to find ‘home’ anywhere as long as their with each other and have their basic necessities met. The inkwell is small & their memories require no space to take with them, along with the fact that if they could utilize the inkwell they could create a home, and whole worlds for themselves.

annnywayy that concludes song analysis #3 hope you enjoyed’

stay tuned for more~ 

[liptonsbabe]

Chains of a family [B.W]

Bill Weasley x Grant! reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Summary: Molly thinks that Bill’s and the reader relationship is a mistake so she wants them apart from each other. Bill’s against his mother wishes and he find a way to drag the reader into the Weasley family officialy

Word count: 1.9K

Warnings: none

A/N: Hi! Part 4 of this thing lol. I’m so happy that you guys like this story. It’ll have like 20 chapters or so, i’m still deciding that so yeah, that’s pretty much the thing. Btw, from now on chapters will be more interestings... i hope so lol. Again, english not my mother language. Please let me know if something’s wrong. Aaaaaand if you want to be tagged in the next chapters tell me and i will add you! Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Arguments

The rest of the afternoon passed as normal as the days before your arrival. Arthur Weasley made sure of it. Even if Molly attacked you with her dagger gaze when you and Bill hugged each other after you were done with dessert.

You didn’t know what Mr. Weasley had talked about with his wife while you were taking a shower, however, you noticed the tension rising from their bodies after you sat down at the table next to Bill and saw an annoyance sign on Molly’s lips. Her temple was frowned, reminding you of your own mother's gestures. Those flaming eyes, cleft chin, and pinion lips. Both women contract their features too much when they were upset and in your distress, you knew that they must not be disturbed.

The last thing you wanted was to hurt a marriage as solid as the Weasley's. More than once you heard your mother talk about it with your nanny making a powerful emphasis on how Molly and Arthur were able to carry out their marriage even if their economic conditions were precarious and the war was on their heels. They were an envied couple. Few dared to expand the family as much as they did without money in their pockets and spreading their progeny like a plague. No one was surprised, not even your mother, not when her marriage to Evan Grant was merely for financial advantage. Now Arthur and Molly looked upset, too upset for your understanding and you just hoped they could get along soon.

You weren't sure you deserved the sacrifice Bill's father had made for you, yet a flame of hope lit up in your chest. If Mr. Weasley started to trust you that was a good sign for others to do as well, right?

The afternoon continued as normal, seeing how Bill's plans to distract you from the fervent harassment of his mother was marred by the twins intervention. They had just finished a new product for their store and needed a good taster to certify the quality of their merchandise. It was a bad idea, he told himself, because twins were just a disaster and you didn't know them well enough to deny their good-natured pretensions.

"Be kind!" He yelled at them as Fred and George pulled you into their. Bill exhaled, pleading that his brothers wouldn't bother his girlfriend more than his mother already had.

Before taking you home, he thought about the pros and cons of your stay in the burrow. His conclusion was based on the fact that his entire family welcomed Harry Potter with open arms, so you didn't have to be the exception. He knew the difference in conditions in which his theory developed, yet he put his trust in the good judgment of his family even if the Grants' past left much to be desired. Bill didn't talk much about you with his mother, in fact, your presence at home was the last of his worries, the real problem came at the time of joining the Order of the Phoenix, would you be willing to fight against your relatives even if that mean betraying your own blood? Bill hope you will

Coming downstairs, Bill found his mother storing the leftover food in the fridge while the dishes soaked in the sink. Then he watched her clean each plate with her bare hands, no magic. William knew his anger was real.

"Want some help with that?"

"I'd love to, honey, thank you," his mother answered without looking at him. Bill raised the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows, dipping his hands into the tide of water and bubbles that flew across the kitchen. Molly was silent, drying the dishes and flying them to her place in the display case across the kitchen. Bill cleared his throat doubtfully "It never hurts to help, much less when I have so many things to do before the rest of the Order arrive"

"Don't worry, I'll help you with that too."

"Perfect"

"Mom, can we talk?"

"About what?

"You know what," Bill clicked his tongue, passing her the last plate from the sink to continue with the spoons. "(Y/N)..."

"Your father has scolded me enough about that girl, I don't need you to do it too"

"I wouldn't if you had a little consideration with her."

"More consideration?" Molly asked in a squeak. Bill shook his head. "I'm letting her stay at my home!"

"Our home, mom, ours," he corrected, drying his hands with a cloth. "This house also belongs to my dad, my brothers, and me. It's the burrow, a family property, not a secret club where some people can get in and others cannot."

"You know what I think of her"

"And you know I don't care." Molly looked scandalized at her son. She didn't understand what he had seen in someone like you or what you had given him to come out and defend you as he did "I don't ask you to love her, but at least you have to try...

"Have you ever wondered what will happen when she betrays us?"

"That's not gonna happen"

"You're very sure of that, William"

"I'm convinced, Mom. You don't know her like I do and, you know what? I see that wanting to talk to you was a mistake"

"Moody thinks like me," Molly stopped him when Bill was ready to go upstairs. The woman clung to the railing watching her son standing in the first step out of the kitchen "(Y/N) Grant is a danger to the Order"

"Really? Like Mundungus Fletcher? I beg your pardon, mom, but if there is anyone who represents a latent danger to the Order of the Phoenix, it's him and yet you have assigned him for the mission tonight"

Molly's lips parted and if it weren't for the fact that Bill knew her mother too well, he might think the woman was about to throw herself on the floor in a tantrum. Still, she clenched the bars tightly, her brow furrowed, and the redness on her cheeks washed over her forehead.

"William!" Don't talk to me like that!"

"I wouldn't if you had a little more respect for my girlfriend."

"Don't you understand? I care about you! For all of us!" She snarled angrily. "Having a Riddle in this house..."

"A Grant, mom, (Y/N) is a Grant and that's not the same." Bill descended his steps, approaching her mother, returning that angry look that she had inherited from him. It was a strange sensation. A dyad of emotions between joy and fear where the composed emotion was guilt. He had never exploded that way with his mother, but Molly hadn't behaved that way with anyone either "His grandfather is Lord Voldemort's half-brother and his brothers are all Death Eaters, what does it matter? (Y/N) is not. And when do we judge others by where they come from? If so, we could start with half of us. Being a Weasley is equivalent to being a blood traitor"

"William!"

Molly's face went from fury to shock to fury again. Bill's eyes were twinkling and Molly swore she had never seen any of her children this angry, or worse, this determined.

"What would you have done, Mom?" Bill questioned taking his mother by his arms in an attempt to make him feel her despair. Molly opened her eyes, scared. "When your family tell you not to accept dad? When your brothers object to your engagement, just 'cause the Weasleys have long been considered blood traitors?"

For the first time that day Molly's mind went blank, Bill guessed, rewinding the memories of how difficult it was for the Prewetts to accept the marriage. Bill pleaded silently, but pulled away from her when his mother gave no indication to be a little more respectful with you.

"We aren't like that. We don't separate people by where they come from, we hug them" Bill resumed his way towards the stairs, stopping a couple of steps up, turning to take a look at Molly's stunned figure "As you did with Hermione, Remus and Harry when you and Dad became his godparents after Sirius died. (Y/N) is no different"

"She will turn her back on us when the Order fight the Grants. That moment will come and you know it"

"Don't worry, i'll make sure that doesn't happen"

"She is not part of this family"

"That can be solved very easily," he said and the smile he wore gave her a terrible chill down her spine. "Because I'm going to ask her to be my wife."

Molly's gasp was the only thing Bill heard before climbing the stairs and heading to the twins' room. He always respected his mother a lot and even thinking of opposing to her wishes was inconceivable, but your well-being was something that was involved and Bill couldn't just let her mother control his life at her will. Maybe the mistake he made was not telling his parents the truth about you from the start or, in that case, mentioning that the woman he loved was the fucking niece of the strongest fucking dark wizard of all time.

Bill Weasley rubbed his face as he reached the twins' door. He no longer had to torment himself, it was done and the only thing pending at the moment was to get Harry out of his uncles' house, take him safely to the burrow and find the courage to do what he told his mother he would do.

Would you agree to marry him? He hoped so and if not, he wouldn't pressure you. You were young - even a little younger than him - and it would be understandable if you refused to tie your life to someone else's from one moment to the other. The war progressed every day and if you were going to do it, you would do it as soon as possible.

Loud laughings brought him out of his thoughts to observe you and his brothers sitting on the floor, right in the center of both beds, laughing at each other and touching your faces. From the doorway Bill can't see the full painted room, however George's face showed a rather abstract mural full of bright colors when he felt the presence of his older brother. Fred did the same showing his face in the same situation and then you turned to Bill, still laughing and your face smeared with paint. It seemed the twins had created a paint bomb in millimeter pills, that explode when you put a little bit of pressure. You tried to clean yourself with the sleeve of your sweater but you spread the paint even more. Fred and George laughed and so did Bill.

His heart swelled with love as he saw that at least someone in his family - besides him and his father - had hope in you. God, he may have even cried with happiness.

Bill never understood how a sunshine as beautiful as you was never accepted in your entire life.

Tags:

@purple-vodka-99

@vampirestrawberries

Thanks for the 100 followers!❤