#which means I’m now starting to write characterizations that don’t add up to what’s in the ‘images’ they’re watching

[headfullof-ideas]

You know what I realized about writing a fic that’s in the style of ‘characters watch their own show’? Character development happening off screen. Because what the characters are watching, in my fic anyways, has already happened. They’ve been through it all already, it’s not linear to their current characterization. Which means that the characterization they may be starting to achieve while watching the show might not be the same characterization they have while in the show.

So, there’s a certain sense of whiplash for me as the writer when a character is starting to have character development via gentle parenting by Bryce or straight up getting smacked with it through being forced to acknowledge something was wrong via the ‘images’, and they start to grow as a person and start viewing things differently…and then i have to write them the way they were about a year prior, not-character developed and not starting to change their mind and starting to become almost not the same person at all

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Surprise! I had quite a bit of extra free time at work these past few days (thank you delays) so here is the finished Halloween Sam oneshot I decided to write on a whim 😅 I do really like how it turned out so hopefully you all enjoy!

Thank you to the anon who inspired the first part of this story, friends to lovers Sam is way too good to pass up

Pairing: Sam Kiszka X fem!reader

Warnings and tags: 18+ only!! Not for minors! Halloween party, friends to lovers, drinking, blood, animal attack, hospitalization, crying, wee bit of angst, smut including: oral (fem rec), unprotected sex, tiny bit of breeding kink if you squint real hard, multiple orgasms, I think this is the most Sam characterization I’ve ever written, I probably missed something so let me know if I need to add

Word count: 14k

“Don’t you think you’re going to get cold in that?” Sam asked as he picked you up from your parents house before the party. “It’s a bonfire, which means outside, and there’s a low of like 33 degrees tonight”.

“Yeah, bonfire” you easily countered with the same sassy undertone as you stepped outside and locked the front door behind you. “That means warmth. Besides, you act like we weren’t both raised in Michigan”.

“Well I’m not lending you my jacket if you get cold” he forewarned, though you knew Sam would give you the shirt off his back if you’d only asked.

“I know, I’d only expect a gentleman to offer something like that”.

“Hey!” He shot back with a flustered rush to the passenger's side door of his car so he could open it for you and prove that he indeed was a gentleman, of sorts at least.

The sun was setting fast behind the tree line as you drove further from town and deeper into the wooded area surrounding the place you had always called home. It was silent between you and Sam, just some soft jazz music you could hardly make out over the sound of the tires rolling against the asphalt in the background.

The quiet didn’t bother you though. You and Sam had been friends for so long that something as simple as the presence of the other was calming, and little filler talk wasn’t necessary to maintain comfort. Anxiety did bubble in the pit of your stomach though, and you fiddled with the lace trim of your skirt to keep your hands occupied as you stared out the window at the quickly passing landscape.

Halloween was always one of your favorite holidays. Not for the candy, or the gimmicky decorations, or horror fest movie nights, but because for years now you and your friends had attended parties dressed up in group costumes. Coordinating your outfits usually always started the day after for the following year, residual excitement from the night before still fueling ideas for what to do next. This year was different. Jake, Josh, and Danny all had significant others who wanted to do couples costumes for the party tonight, which left only you and Sam to come up with something to wear.

The planning wasn’t as elaborate as the previous years, the both of you internally feeling a little less excited about dressing up without the rest of the group. Ultimately you had agreed on something simple and unlike what you had ever done before, Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.

Of course you thought it would be funny if Sam dressed up as Little Red and you the wolf, him showing up in a skirt and a wig would definitely turn some heads. He quickly shot that down, so instead here you both were, you in your red and white checkered dress paired with the red cape and hand basket, and Sam with his painfully plain jeans, flannel, and fuzzy gray wolf ears situated in his long brown hair.

You broke the silence, turning your head to watch as he tapped his thumbs to the steering wheel like he was the one plucking the bass strings along with the song playing. “What are the others dressing up as?”

“Don’t know” he shrugged, “haven’t really talked to anyone since we made it back home. I kind of get enough of them on the road, want to see other people while I can”. His eyes flickered off the road for a brief moment to look your way, giving you a big warm hearted smile.

It was true, you and Sam had spent nearly his entire time home together, watching movies, talking about life, tour, college, even just going grocery shopping together because it was something mundane and easy, and you enjoyed the company.

Soon your question would be answered, because he flicked on his left turn signal, and waited for the only other car on the road to pass by before turning down a dirt road that led up a hill and to one of your mutual friends' cabin property.

“Ready?” Sam asked as he pulled the key from the ignition and shoved it into his front pocket.

“Yeah…” you trailed off when answering, looking out at the cabin already lit up with orange and purple string lights, the distant glow of the bonfire far in the background.

“Hey, we’re going to have fun tonight right?” Sam, without thinking about the implications of the action, rest his hand on top of your bare thigh just above the knee. “And if you want to leave early just let me know”. You nodded, pulling on a convincing smile before you both made your way along the gravel driveway to the porch.

Sam was the only one who knew about your newfound apprehension towards social situations. Before he and his brothers, and Danny, left to go on tour for their band you hadn’t much thought about how partys or big gatherings made you feel uncomfortable, because every party you went to they were there. Just like these past few days, you and Sam were inseparable growing up. He was your best friend, your partner in crime, and even your confidant the times when you needed it. You leaned on him and his outstanding personality heavily for support, not even realizing that when he was gone that meant you were going to fall flat on your face.

You tried socializing alone when you joined college. There was a party practically every weekend anyways, perfect opportunities to work on making new friends, but you learned quickly that no one caught your interest like Sam did. Eventually you gave up all together because the more you tried to replace Sam, the more you missed him.

“Looks like it’s a full moon tonight” Sam commented, lingering behind as you stepped up onto the porch to stare up at the glowing yellow orb in the sky.

“Perfect night for a party in the woods then” you giggled, reaching out for his hand to drag him inside.

After greeting the few people who were still mingling in the cabin and making some mixed drinks, you and Sam stepped back into the cool air. The sun had gone completely down by now and the wind was starting to pick up, making your skirt and cape blow as you walked towards the rest of the party hanging around the fire.

“Hey!” Danny spotted you first, easily waving you over as he stood a good head taller than everyone else around him.

You gave Danny a tight hug first, not even realizing how much you had missed him too until he had his arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders. “How have you been? I feel like we haven’t talked in forever!”

“I know, someone likes to keep you all to himself” Danny shot Sam a look to which he received an eye roll in return. “By the way, this is Caroline”.

You knew Danny had met someone recently, because Sam had told you, so you were excited to see who the lucky girl was. “Hi, how are you liking Frankenmuth?” You turned to the girl next to him, finding it so much easier to make conversation with someone new when you were surrounded by your long-time friends.

The two of you talked for a while, and Sam left with Danny to go back to the cabin and get Caroline a new drink. When they returned Jake and Josh were also in tow with their significant others. Everyone was dressed in their own pair of costumes, you and Sam included, which made you feel a bit awkward considering you were the only ones not dating.

“You look so good!” Jake’s girlfriend commented, giving you a tight hug next.

“Sam, you could have tried a little harder” Jake mentioned, reaching up to flick one of his stuffed ears, but Sam dodged him just in time, spilling his drink on his hand a little in the motion.

“I think they’re cute” his girlfriend nudged him in the side to knock it off. “Their costumes make more sense than ours do”.

“Wait let me guess!” You turned back to Danny and Caroline first, their matching black cloaks and the obvious wands sticking out of his pocket. “Ok you guys are students from Hogwarts”.

Next you took in Josh and his partner for the first time since they joined you, giving them a wave in the meantime. Their costumes were also very easy to recognize, Josh wearing an all white ensemble with a feather boa and gemstone rimmed glasses, and his partner in a white undershirt tucked into jeans with a studded black belt. “Alright, Elton John and Freddie Mercury”.

Finally you looked over Jake and his girlfriend again. He was wearing brown pants, a white button up he had characteristically nearly completely unbuttoned with a black bandanna tied around his neck, and a brown pistol holster strapped around his shoulders. His girlfriend was wearing a matching brown skirt, white button up as well with a black scarf knotted in front of her chest, and in place of her usual glasses were a more old fashioned pair with round lenses. “Umm, tomb raider?” You guessed, chuckling because you knew it had to be wrong but for some reason that was the only thing popping into your head.

“See!” She grumbled, pushing his chest a little to say I told you so.

“Tomb raider?!” Jake exasperated, “more like the rousing, suspenseful, and horrifying 1999 epic The Mummy”.

“Don’t think I’ve seen it” you deadpanned, making Jake’s jaw drop even further as he looked over at Sam in disbelief.

“Alright Mr. O’Connell give her a break; she was more sheltered as a kid than we were”. Sam asked Jake to back off, even though he did think their costumes were pretty cool.

“What have you guys been up to? We missed you at the barbecue the other day” Jake’s girlfriend questioned you and Sam next.

You placed the plastic cup containing the alcoholic beverage that was sure to make your head feel light and fuzzy in no time against your lip to hide the blush creeping up on your face. There was no reason for you to feel embarrassed about missing the little afternoon get together at the Kiszka house the other day. It wasn’t like you and Sam had done anything to be ashamed of, just randomly decided to ditch it in favor of a mini road trip to the next town over to go to that diner neither of you had been to in years.

That drive was completely different than the one this evening. The music had been cranked loud and your sides were hurting from laughing so hard as you watched Sam singalong from the driver's seat, nearly running the car off the road more than once because he ‘wasn’t used to driving himself around’. You remembered thinking about what it would be like to constantly be on the road with Sam. To see all the amazingly beautiful places he saw, picturing him pretending to be your educated tour guide as you explored new cities neither of you had ever visited before, making up stories as you went just to see you smile. That was one thing you could always count on when being around Sam, that he could make you smile.

“I wasn’t feeling well so she let me take a nap at her place” Sam lied for you, making you glance over at him in confusion. It wasn’t often you heard Sam lie, in fact you were convinced he was terrible at it because every time he did try to lie to you, you immediately called him out on it. No one seemed to question it though, so you decided to save yours for later.

A while passed as you all caught up, and you made a mental note to yourself to convince Sam to hang out some more before everyone left again. Even if you had been a little weary while getting ready to come out tonight, you were quickly realizing now that you’d had nothing to worry about, and that all though you missed Sam quite a lot you had missed everyone else too. Sam offered to get more drinks, and he had been in the cabin for a minute now so he was sure to be coming back any time soon.

“So, who’s idea was it to dress as Little Red Riding Hood?” Caroline asked you. “That’s a cute couples costume”.

Everyone else in the group shared the same look as you shifted your weight before thinking of how to answer that without making her feel out of place for not knowing the dynamic. “Oh, umm, it’s not really a couples costume”. You stared down at your now empty cup, swirling around the tiny droplets that still clung to the bottom rim.

She didn’t get the hint though. “Really? I mean I know the wolf was a bad guy but Sam seems really nice-”

“No like I mean it’s not a couples costume because we’re not a couple”. You cut her off, trying to not be too irritated about having to spell it out.

When you looked back up, Danny was staring at something behind you, so you turned to see that Sam had been there the whole time listening to everything you said. He had a downturned look to his face as he handed you the new cup and took the old one in return. Then silently he turned on his heels and marched back inside.

“Hey! Sam, wait up!” You called after him, rushing to follow him back into the cabin to see what was the matter.

He didn’t stop until he was back in the kitchen, and he not so subtly threw your empty cup into the trashcan before turning to try and push past you. Something was wrong.

“Are you alright?” You placed a hand against the front of his shoulder to stop him. “Did I say something?”

Sam huffed, leaning back against some cabinets since you wouldn’t let him go, and crossed his arms over his chest in a pout.

“Talk to me Sam” you pleaded with him. He was always like this when he was irritated, he would close himself off and avoid you like you were supposed to just magically know what was wrong, but you weren’t a mind reader, and you weren’t his girlfriend, so you didn’t have to put up with this.

“Fine, if you’re going to act like that I’m going back outside”. You went to follow through with your threat, but just as you turned around he caught your wrist and pulled you back.

“What if it was a couple costume? What if…” he chewed on a bit of skin flaking on his bottom lip as he debated really putting this out there. “What if we could be?”

“What are you talking about?” You tried to pretend like you didn’t know what he was suggesting, but he raised his brows in a way that meant he knew you were just playing clueless. “But we’re friends Sam, best friends”.

“And? Daniel and I are best friends too, but I don’t feel the same way about him as I do you”. He squeezed the hand he held onto a little tighter, trying to get you to believe him and understand. You wanted to pull away, your heartbeat was racing and you were sure he could feel it with his thumb wrapped around your pulse point.

“Everyone practically thinks you’re dating too” you huffed, shaking your head in disbelief at what was coming out of your mouth, but it was spilling out nonetheless. “I’ve half a mind to think he brought that girl along just to try and convince everyone that he’s not in love with you”.

Sam did drop your hand at that and stared down at you in disappointment for even insinuating such a thing. “You know he wouldn’t do something like that. He really likes her, and after coming home, seeing everyone again, spending so much time with you, it’s becoming clear to me how much I really like you”.

With your hand freed you took a hesitant step back, trying to give yourself some room to think. It would be a lie for you to say you had never considered the possibility of something more with Sam. How could you not? He was the most amazing person you had ever met and you were set on the fact that no one would ever come close to understanding you like he did.

The problem was you knew if you took that leap of faith there would be no coming back from that. Agreeing to date Sam would be like taking a dive off a high bridge, not knowing if the line that held you safe would be able to handle the jump, and if it snapped everything would be gone in the blink of an eye.

“I like you too Sam, a lot, but I can’t” your eyes avoided his, like you were physically incapable of watching his reaction as you tried to let him down. “Maybe at some point we could have tried, but now I don’t think it will work. Our lives have grown too different, I’m just barely starting my second year of college and all the while you’re off traveling the world playing shows to fans who adore all of you. I can’t even begin to compete with them”.

“There’s no competition” Sam argued, his tone growing louder and more desperate to the point people who had come into the kitchen not knowing what was going on were starting to clear out and give the two of you some privacy. “I don’t look at it that way. I don’t think I can. Not when the only thing I’ve been able to think about since I left was you”.

There was something you could sympathize with, because for all you knew you had him beat there. Sam was on your mind more often than you wanted, and you had tried and failed to distract yourself with other things to keep your heart from longing.

Although his confession should have made your heart feel whole, it started to crack in half at the idea of having to long for him even more. “I can’t” you repeated, no other excuse, just heartbroken denial.

“I- I understand” Sam replied defeatedly with a slump of his shoulders. He wanted to argue more, wanted to fight harder because he knew now after all the time apart that no one would ever make him feel even a fraction of the way he felt about you. The turmoil he could see behind your eyes scared him though, made him second guess every small little moment between you two that he had read into hoping that it meant you felt the same way.

The way you immediately lit up the moment he laid eyes on you upon returning home. He had been so nervous that you wouldn’t be as excited to see him again as he was you, that the many months away had made you more strangers than best friends, but it didn’t.

The way you agreed with anything he suggested, having grown accustomed to the picky little fights he and his brothers couldn’t help but get into while cooped up on a bus together for days on end. The way you let him rest his head in your lap. Your fingers automatically moving into his hair to scratch lightly against his scalp until he was falling asleep.

Maybe, it had all meant nothing.

“Everything alright?” Danny asked when you returned solo, having parted ways to rejoin the others when Sam said he needed a minute alone.

“I’ll be fine” you could feel your tongue thick in your mouth with the lie, and you took a long drink out of your cup hoping the alcohol would help numb the pain.

“Where’s Sam?” Jake asked, his intuition getting the best of him when he didn’t see the youngest had returned with you.

“He went somewhere that way” you answered with a point of your finger. Jake squinted in the dark, hoping that you were pointing to the random shed in the yard, but knowing better that you were actually referring to the thick of trees surrounding the property.

“He wandered off into the woods alone?” Jake sighed, already moving to hand his beer off so he could go hunt him down.

“I’ll go” Danny stepped forward. He and Jake exchanged some silent looks before Jake ultimately nodded in agreement.

“You know, Sam missed home the most” Jake mentioned in a lower voice so that it would just be the two of you talking. “I thought, with his spirit, he would just go and never look back. That wasn’t the case”.

“Wonder why?” You replied like you didn’t already know now that you probably played a big role in that, and took another drink.

“I know it's going to be hard for you when we have to leave again, but just know, it’s hard for all of us. Sam, he hides it from you how guarded he is because he wants you to think that he’s having the best time ever so that you won’t worry about us”. As Jake explained this to you your heart started pumping loudly in your ears again. You thought back on all the calls and FaceTimes you’d had, he was always smiling when he saw you even if you could tell that they were actually pretty busy or having a rough day. Had he really put on a face just so that you couldn’t see what was really going on behind the scenes? You wondered if that made you a true friend then, if he couldn’t even let you in on when he was feeling run down or unhappy.

You opened your mouth to speak, but before the words were formed a loud yell came from behind.

“Help!”

You'd recognize the voice anywhere, it was Danny calling for someone, and by the sound of it he was panicked. Without even turning around yet you watched as Jake’s face fell into pure terror and your heart sank.

Sam. Danny went into the woods after Sam.

Quickly you dropped your cup and took off towards the direction you had pointed them in, seeing Sam slumped over in Danny’s arms as he helped him over. He was practically dragging him when he reached the cabin, one of his arms around Sam’s waist with one of Sam’s arms around his shoulders.

“He’s breathing” Danny informed you when you got to them, placing your body up against the other side of your friend to help carry some of his weight. In doing so you felt something warm trickle onto your dress, and when you looked over you saw that the entire left side of Sam was covered in blood coming from three large gashes in his neck.

“Oh my god! What happened!” You shrieked and Sam’s brothers came running over to see what was happening as well.

“I don’t know” Danny gasped, “a bear maybe?”

“Bear?!” You repeated in shock, “fuck we need to get him to a hospital, now!”

“I’m calling for an ambulance” Jake jumped in, his phone already pressed to his ear.

In all the commotion you tried to get a response from Sam to see what had happened, see if he could even speak with the tears on his skin in such a delicate place and the blood still seeping out. “Sam! Sam stay with me please!” He was drifting in and out of consciousness, looking pale from the blood loss. You yanked at the tie on your cape and pulled it off, placing the bunched up fabric against his wound to try and stop some of the bleeding.

“You’re going to be okay Sammy, we got you. We’re all right here. Help is on the way”.

Sam’s eyes came into focus for a brief moment, searching around in the distance for the sound of the voice that has brought him back to until they zeroed in on you standing right in front of him. Despite his current situation his lip curled into a slight smile, and you felt under the quickly dampening cloak against his neck that he was trying to say something. You pulled closer, trying to make it easier for him to whisper to you, but his brows furrowed tightly and his eyes rolled shut again.

When you finally got the chance to see Sam again he was laying in a hospital bed, the IV in his hand hooked up to a drip of antibiotics to prevent any infection. There were more wires coming from his chest underneath the hospital gown and connected to a heart monitor that beeped at a slow steady pace in the otherwise hauntingly quiet room. A large bandage was affixed to nearly the entirety of his neck, you’d heard he needed stitches and that it was a miracle his jugular veins were still intact.

“Oh Sam”. Your eyes welled up with tears at the sight of him laying there unconscious. Collapsing on the chair next to him you reached under the thin hospital blanket to find his hand and wrapped it in yours. “I’m so sorry, so sorry I said what I did”.

The tears were streaming down your face now, and you turned to wipe them away on your shoulder, trying to gather yourself so you could keep talking to him, hoping he could somehow hear you.

“I do like you Sam. I think I kind of love you actually. I want to be with you”.

You waited for a response, some silly part of your brain wishing for a miracle, that your reciprocation of his feeling would be enough to wake him up and everything would be alright. But he didn’t move a muscle, and you knew he needed the rest, so you leaned over and placed your head against the edge of the bed, staring up at him until your eyes too fell heavy and you drifted into a light restless sleep.

“Hey” you heard a voice gently call you back awake and your shoulder shake. Opening your eyes you saw that you hadn’t shifted an inch in your sleep, still holding Sam’s hand in your own. Sam was still asleep too, but the color had returned to his face and the heart monitor was still sounding off in the background.

“Your parents are here to take you home” Jake informed you, watching as panic started to surface at the thought of leaving Sam here alone. “I’m going to sit with him for a while. Go take a shower and eat something. I’ll call you if anything happens”.

Even if you wanted to stay with him, you knew that you should be thankful they even let you be in here with him for this long. Jake was his brother, and the rest of his family was no doubt waiting in another room, and you were just his friend. A level of relationship you regret at this moment.

“Ok” you spoke hoarsely, pulling yourself up from the chair and feeling your body ache from the awkward position you had fallen asleep in. “You’ll call me?”

Jake nodded, waiting patiently for you to give Sam one last wistful look before leaning over, careful not to disturb his bandaging, and pressed your lips to his.

When you got home your parents had made breakfast, but you pushed most of it around on your plate, eating just enough to soak up the leftover alcohol from last night and excused yourself to shower. Blood had dried onto your costume, staining the already red fabric a darker, rusty color. It wouldn’t even be worth it to try and get it out, so you threw the piece away before climbing into the hot stream.

It felt good to clean your face, scrubbing your tear ruined makeup free, then your hair, and the rest of your body monotonously without any thought. You couldn’t think right now, because if you did you would just cry some more. When your head hit the pillow you were out again, not even having realized how exhausted you were until it was time to give up.

It wasn’t clear to you how many hours had passed when your phone started to ring. You shot out of bed, grabbing the little rectangle you somehow managed to plug in on your night stand just before passing out, and answering it without even checking to see who was calling.

“He’s awake” Jake spoke as soon as you answered. “And he’s been asking for you”.

“I’m on my way”.

Flying out of bed you pulled some jeans on, not even bothering to change from the random t-shirt plucked from our closet you had slept in. Your heart was pounding. He was physically alright, you knew that when you left the hospital early this morning, but last you truly spoke to Sam emotionally he was going through it. Did he really want to see you? Or was Jake just saying that to make you feel better?

Jake, Josh, and Danny were all crowding Sam’s room when you arrived, but they cleared out one by one and shut the door behind them to give the two of you some time alone. Sam was sitting up in his bed now, a small rolling table with half eaten food sitting next to him, and he was drinking water from a straw in a salmon colored cup.

“There you are” he smiled brightly as soon as you tentatively sat down. His voice was quieter than normal, more weak and strained, but other than that he seemed his usual self.

“How are you feeling?” You asked, unable to keep your eyes from constantly flicking down at the fresh set of bandages on his neck.

“Fine actually” he smiled again, “when I woke up the doctor had to take the stitches out because they were bothering me, but he said it was fine because I was already starting to heal. Actually he said I had the best recovery time from someone with this injury he had ever seen”.

Sam seemed proud of himself, but you worried if he was doing the thing Jake had mentioned and saying that just so you wouldn’t concern yourself too much with it.

“What about you?” Sam asked in return, “Jake said you were here all night. Did you go home and get some rest?”

“Me?” You peeped, clenching your hands into fists in your lap. “Why are you worried about me? You should be furious with me”.

“What?” Sam’s brows turned up in confusion and he set his cup down onto the table. “Why would I be mad at you?” You shared a weary look, both recounting the conversation last night that had led Sam to go into those woods alone.

“I’m sorry, it’s all my fault” your eyes prickled again, but you fought back the tears, staring up at the bright hospital lights on the ceiling to dry them back out.

“Woah, wait” Sam reached for your hands, and you stood up quickly to get closer to the side of his bed so he wouldn’t have to move too much. He reached over and tucked a piece of your bed dried hair behind your ear, smiling again. “It’s not your fault. I was being an idiot… I am an idiot”.

“No Sam, if anyone here is an idiot it’s me” you shook your head, “for trying to make you believe that I didn’t want to be with you”.

“So?” Hope started to fill his voice again, making him sound more like himself than before, “are you saying you changed your mind then?”

You chuckled softly, his unexpectedly cheerful attitude catching you off guard, but it was still a huge relief. “Don’t think my mind ever needed changing, I just needed to accept it”.

“Well, this is great news!” Sam beamed, “glad all it took was me being sent to the hospital for us to work it out”.

“Shut up” a single tear did make its way down your cheek, and he wiped it away with his thumb before you placed your hand on his and held it against your face.

“Make me” he muttered, his eyes flicking down to your lips, and you did. You leaned over and connected your mouths in a real kiss.

Kissing Sam was different than you thought it would be. You thought it would be at least a little bit awkward considering you had known him since he was just a messy little kid that occasionally ate leaves to make you laugh. This kiss felt more like your first kiss, the one you wait for your entire life, only ten times better, because it was your first kiss with Sam.

When you parted your lips, and he slipped his tongue inside, you reached forward and cupped his face in your palms. You turned his head to the side and kissed him harder, some spark having ignited in you the moment you finally accepted that you did. You did love him.

“Oww, ow careful there tiger” Sam pulled back, checking the tape on his bandages with a breathless laugh.

“Oh god, I’m sorry” you quickly apologized and took a step backward, but Sam quickly wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you to sit down on the bed next to him.

“Never apologize for kissing me again, just maybe a little gentler for now”.

“Okay” you giggled, placing the softest kiss to his cheek to which he rolled his eyes and leaned in again.

It had been nearly a week since you and Sam made it official, and you had taken every minute of every day to try and make yourself believe that this was all real, that he was your bonafide boyfriend now.

In regards to the heated first kiss, you had decided to take things slow…

Slow worked, because the moment Sam was discharged from the hospital you had dedicated yourself to taking care of him. That was the least you could do considering part of you still felt guilty about Sam getting hurt that night in the first place.

That didn’t mean that the two of you didn’t get carried away from time to time though. Like now, you were in Sam’s bedroom, tops on the floor, and you were sitting in his lap as you attacked his lips with your own.

“You’re so fucking hot” Sam groaned as his hands fondled your chest over your simple little bra, leaning over to kiss the tops of your breasts that spilled over the cups.

“You are too” you smiled, running your fingertips over his chest. “Like really hot actually. Are you okay?” You moved your hand to his forehead, testing if he had a fever.

“I’m fine” he laughed, grabbing your hand and putting it back on his chest. “Better than ever actually”.

“Yeah?” You smiled again, pushing your concern aside in place for something more intimate. Sam’s hand remained over yours on his chest but you looked down at them, then lower, to the obvious bulge in his pants. Sam followed your line of sight before the both of you made eye contact again. He wrapped his fingers around yours and slid your hand down his stomach, holding your eyes in his as they came to rest over his groin.

“Baby” he rasped as you eagerly palmed him over the material “I-”.

“I know” you whispered, moving to unbutton his pants so you could get your hand closer to him. He was so hot and hard, it was turning you on to the point you felt like you were going to throw all inhibitions out the window. Fuck going slow, fuck being easy, you wanted him.

Your lips crashed back together, and you could feel the heat from his body seeping into your own, supercharging your nerves until your extremities buzzed with excitement.

“Sammy!” Josh’s voice came with a light knock on the other side of the door.

“Mmm, what!” Sam exasperated, annoyed that he was getting interrupted with your hand literally in his pants right now.

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just here to tell you dinner is ready”.

“Fuck din-”

You cut him off with your hand clamped around his mouth and a giggle. “Shhhh, come on they’re waiting on us”. With a disagreeable sigh Sam let you crawl out of his lap and you both redressed to head downstairs.

“Sammy” you whispered when you were finally back up in his bedroom, tucked against his side as he started to drift off to sleep.

“Hmm?” You felt the sound of his voice vibrating through his chest against your cheek.

“Tomorrow night is Halloween, and I know the last party we went to kind of ended badly, but I was wondering…” your voice trailed off. Somehow even after getting so close earlier, you were still nervous to be asking this.

“What? Do you want to get away from everybody? Spend some alone time together?” Sam finished your sentence for you with heavy insinuation in his tone, and it was exactly what you were going to say.

“Yes, I do” you buried your face into his chest, already feeling the way your core throbbed at the thought of finally having him.

“What if I said I already thought of that?” He asked, making you peek back upwards at him. He was staring affectionately back at you as his palm ran up and down your back. His irises were a shot of deep espresso surrounded by milky white, a sight you wanted to drink in forever.

“I’d say I might be in love with you then” you confessed, though it didn’t feel like a big deal. You'd loved Sam for a long time, you could just say it out loud now.

Now that it was bright outside with the late afternoon sun beaming through the windows of Sam’s car as you drove down the highway, you didn’t even realize that the landscape of trees outside looked familiar until he was turning down that same dirt road he had the night of the costume party a week ago.

“Why are we here?” You questioned, shifting uncomfortably in your seat, flashes of that night invading your mind and making your blood pressure sky rocket.

“I thought it would be nice to come back here now that it’s just us. I don’t want your memory of this place to be bad forever” he explained, feeling sorry for not mentioning it to you first, but he didn’t want to spoil the surprise.

“Whose cabin is this anyways?”

“It belongs to Jake’s girlfriend’s grandparents, but they don’t get around much anymore so they’ve kind of let us take it over. We came here to write some music at one point. I really love it here”.

“Well,” you looked out the window, watching the rather large wooden building with the wide porch and large windows that warmed the living areas with lots of natural light come into view at the top of the hill. It was a rather beautiful place, and you did always like being submerged in the outdoors, so you put your hesitation aside and let the excitement for the day's awaited activities seep in again. “I guess it’ll do then” you blushed, thinking about all the filthy things you were about to do in someone else’s space.

Sam grabbed your small duffel bag packed with a few changes of clothes and your toiletries, slinging it over the same shoulder as his backpack, and took your hand in his as he led you up to the front door. “You should’ve seen this place when we first got here. It was covered in dust, and spider webs, I had the worst allergies for like three days after we all cleaned it up”.

“You have the worst allergies anyways” you giggled as he fumbled with getting the brass key out of his pocket so he could unlock the deadbolt. “Here let me help”. You grabbed the key from him and it slid into the lock like butter, the door popping open with the wood having settled years ago.

“So they just let you have the key when you asked to stay here?” You raised your brows in interest when the two of you made it inside and he guided you down the hallway away from the kitchen, which was the only room you really got to see last time, and into a bedroom to put your things away.

“Yeah,” he replied modestly with a pitch in his voice, remembering exactly what had been said when he asked.

“Just don’t break any furniture little brother” Jake teased him with a knowing look in his eye after Sam explained it would just be you and him staying the night.

“I said I wasn’t really feeling giving out candy to kids all night and wanted somewhere quiet to relax”.

“Right,” you stood in the threshold of the doorway, your eyes flicking back and forth from Sam to the small bed with the wooden bedframe just behind him, “relax…”

Sam got your drift, moving to capture you by the waist and pull you further into the bedroom with him. You let out a loud laugh as he tickled your neck with kisses, his hands falling to the swell of your ass and giving it a squeeze. “If it’s relaxing you want I can stay in one of the other bedrooms? There’s like three down that hallway” you teased.

“I don’t fucking think so”. Sam’s demeanor quickly started to shift from his usual playful self to something entirely more starved, more lustful. “You’re staying right here with me, and the second I get you out of these clothes it’s over for you”.

Your thighs pressed together involuntarily and your hands came up to cradle the back of Sam’s head, letting your fingers tangle into his long luscious hair. “What are you waiting for then? Strip”.

There was no asking twice, Sam was already lifting your shirt over your shoulders and throwing it onto the floor before capturing your lips into a frenzied kiss. His hands returned to your back, but instead of traveling downward this time he reached upwards between your shoulder blades to unclasp your bra, the straps falling loose in between where your chests were pressed together.

When you broke the kiss you leaned backwards in his grasp and slipped free of the now useless piece of undergarment, shyly letting him see your bare chest for the first time. His eyes grew wide as he took in your perky breasts, nipples already hardening with the slightly chilly late October air in the cabin, and in one head spinning move he bent down and lifted you up.

Your legs immediately wrapped around his waist for support before you even realized what was happening, and his mouth latched on, sucking and licking needily while he turned and walked the few steps over to the bed. The mattress was softer than you expected when he threw you down, quickly shedding his own layers of button up shirt and heathered T underneath before climbing on with you.

When he approached on all fours you took in the sight of him, hair a tousled mess from your hands, and smooth golden honey skin marked only by the red welts still scratched into the side of his neck.

He had healed remarkably fast over the past week. It was astonishing really how he was already well enough to do this much physical activity, but he said it didn’t bother him at all anymore and that the scar that was forming was actually kind of cool.

“Sam, do you feel alright? You’re warm again” You asked when he came to lay on top of you, his hips grinding against your center in a way that made you ache all over.

“I feel amazing,” he groaned, the obvious proof of his arousal pressing tight against the front of his pants. “I just want you so bad, it’s driving me crazy”.

Your hands roamed all along the slender lines of his back. His skin felt hot to the touch despite the goosebumps that pickled against your exposed stomach, but you brushed it off as the rushing of his blood just underneath the surface. You could feel your blood rushing too, your heart working in overdrive to keep up with the reactions your body had to his touch.

Sam kissed at your breast again, pulling a soft whimpering moan from you as his mouth traveled lower and his nimble fingers worked at unbuttoning your pants. “Need to taste you first, is that okay?”

How someone could possibly say no to that was besides you, but that would be a thought for another time because now all you could think about was how Sam was perched between your legs waiting rather impatiently for your answer.

You fervently agreed, and with that your pants were being pulled down your hips and off your legs in one fast movement. Then again, only slower, your panties were removed as well as Sam watched for any wavering conviction.

When he saw that there was nothing but pure desire behind your eyes, he descended again, positioning himself comfortably with one of your legs wrapped around his shoulder and the other spread against the bed for a full view at just how turned on you were as well.

With the first touch of his tongue against your core you were already arching your back off the mattress, “Sam” falling from your lips in a wonton moan.

Sam groaned at the sound of his name coming from you in that way, and dove in, unable to hold himself back any longer. He ate you out like a lost man stranded on a deserted island finding a puddle of water to quench his undeniable thirst, lapping at your entrance and sucking on your swollen clit until you were writing beneath him.

“Oh my god Sam” you moaned again, reaching down to grab a fist full of his hair to ground yourself as you felt your first climax rushing towards you. He pressed his fingers deeper into the skin of your hip, pulling you down closer so that there was nowhere else for you to go, your involuntarily squirming only grinding yourself harder against his mouth.

One more heavy flick of his tongue and you were seizing, your legs closing around him as your body shook with pleasure. Sam never stopped, it was like he didn’t even need air the way he just swallowed down your release with a satisfied hum, resurfacing with a glistening chin and a smug grin.

“Taste so good baby” he placed one last kiss to your thigh before sitting up and unbuttoning his pants, “got to feel you do that again on my cock”.

All the morality you had left in you was out the door now as you watched him shed his last pieces of clothing, your mouth watering at the way his length sprung free when he pulled his boxers off. You wanted him in your mouth too, wanted to taste him just like he’d done for you, but Sam couldn’t wait any longer to have you.

Reaching behind you, he grabbed one of the many fluffy pillows that adorned the bed and lifted your hips to stuff it underneath them.

“Tell me if it’s too much and I’ll go slower” he leaned forward over your body, coming to rest on one of his elbows as he brushed away a few strands of hair from your face.

“No Sammy this is perfect” you smiled up at him, reaching for his cheek so you could pull him down into a deep kiss.

He kissed you back, returning it with more intensity as his hips began to rock into yours, his tip gliding through your wetness and brushing against your sensitive bundle of nerves until he finally slipped inside. You gasped at the stretch, clawing at his back as he inched all the way in until you were taking every bit he had to offer, and it was a lot.

“Fuck I-” he groaned, his eyes screwed shut in concentration as he tried to reel himself back and not start pounding into you like a wild animal.

You placed a kiss between his brows, encouraging him to relax and let go, and he did. With an exhale, Sam settled against you and started to rock his hips forward, not even pulling out, just nudging as deep as he could go.

“Feels amazing Sammy, please…” you whined, already having adjusted to his size and ready for more.

Grabbing a hold of your hips once more Sam sat up and pulled back, watching as his entire length disappeared into you as he snapped forward again, causing you to cry out in ecstasy. He lost himself in that motion, tirelessly working you both towards your peak with each blow delivered right to your sweet spot with the help of your elevated hips.

“How does this feel so good?” He emphasized each word with another hard thrust, the heavy headboard thumping against the wall in a way that made you grateful you had decided to get away for this, though never expecting your first time together would be this hot.

Passionate? Yes. But this was more than that.

You and Sam physically aligned in a way unsurpassed by any of your previous partners, and by the fucked out look on Sam’s face he certainly felt the same way.

The way you clenched around him made Sam know you were getting close again, he was getting close too, but he wasn’t ready for it to be over yet. Actually he felt like he was only just getting started. So he grabbed one of your legs and tossed it over your lap, twisting you at the waist until you were rolling over onto your stomach. He helped you up by lifting your hips until you were situated on your knees, then he started to pound into you from behind with an unrelentless force that was making you see stars.

“Come here sexy” he reached around between your legs, finding your clit again with the pads of his fingers as he started to rub tight circles across it. All the while you met each thrust with your own rocking back and forth, pressing your ass against him with loud claps of skin against skin, your lovemaking the only sounds resonating through the secluded cabin.

“Don’t stop, I’m almost there” you panted, so out of breath but still enough air in your lungs to beg him to make you cum again. And you did, hard, to the point your vision was blurring and your mouth fell open but nothing could escape the confines of the grip your orgasm had on your mind and body.

“Fuck, that’s it right there”. The feeling of you releasing again toppled him over the edge too, and Sam pulled out just in time to send hot ropes of cum shooting across your backside.

You both stayed still for a few moments, trying to come down from your highs and the residual effects that held your bodies in aftershock, until Sam left the bed and grabbed his t-shirt from the floor to help wipe you down.

He collapsed onto the bed after, gathering you up in his arms and pulling you to his chest. It was sticky with sweat, but you didn’t mind. A shower could always come later, all you wanted right now was to be held by your boyfriend and listen to his heartbeat fluttering wildly.

“You’ve been holding out on me” Sam broke the silence once more with an amazed laugh, his mind still replaying the scene before like footage stuck in a loop.

“Was not” you teased him, running your finger in circles around one of his nipples to see his reaction. He only laughed some more, grabbing your hand in his own and bringing it to his lips for a kiss to your palm.

“Were too” in true Sam fashion he argued back. “To think, we could’ve have been doing that for a whole week now”.

“Not a whole week. You just got out of the hospital and needed rest”.

He squeezed his arm around your shoulders tighter, “No, I think all I needed was you, cause I feel better than ever”. You couldn’t help but glance down, noticing he was still pretty hard despite already cumming once.

“You know Sammy, I did already tell you that I’m on birth control, didn't I?”

Sam thought about it for a moment, and he could recall you mentioning it one time as a kind of off handed comment once you started getting a little more physical in your relationship. “Yeah? Why do you ask?” He cocked a brow, hoping this conversation was going exactly where he wanted it to.

“We’ll because you didn’t…” you trailed off, a bright pink blush surfacing in the apples of your cheeks preventing you from saying it aloud, but Sam knew just what you were trying to say.

“What is it sexy?” He cooed into your ear, sending shivers down your spin as his other hand came down to grip your side. “You wanted me to cum in you? Is that it?”

His voice sounded like raw electric current, shocking its way through your body, waking up every nerve in its path and settling right in your core. “Well, what’s the harm? Should be safe as long as I keep track of everything”.

More than willing to correct his wrong, Sam’s hand hooked underneath your knee and he pulled you on top of him. “What if I want to get you pregnant though?” He pressed, connecting his lips to your neck and making you arch your back.

“Sam-” your voice was caught in your throat when he sucked harder and the head of his cock pressed against your entrance, just begging for you to drop your hips and let him enter you again. “I want that too, but not right now”.

“No. Not now,” he agreed, licking over the mark he left, “but someday. I want that. Want you to have my babies. What do you think? Six? Seven?”

“Sam!” You gasped in disbelief, “that many?”

“As many as you’ll let me give you” he shamelessly admit, moving his nibbling teeth to your shoulder next. “Think we should start practicing now?”

“Think I want you to kiss me again” you answered, bringing your lips to his just as you sank down onto him in one go. He groaned into your mouth, and you bit at his lips, getting him back for all the filthy things he had so easily said that got you all flustered again.

If you thought getting fucked by Sam was great, being in control was even better. With your hands planted firmly on his chest you sat up, getting yourself in just the right position before preparing for the ride of your life.

The slick between your legs made it easy to grind down on him, bringing out low guttural moans from Sam beneath you. “God, are you always this wet?”

“No” you smiled coyly down at him, “this is just for you”.

It didn’t take long for either of you to reach the metaphorical edge again. Though you were breathing heavily and sweat was beginning to glisten your skin, it felt like no work at all to get there. Because it had never been this easy with anyone else before.

Sam’s grip on your thighs tightened, and you felt him throbbing inside just before the flooding of warmth that invaded all your senses and sent you toppling over as well. You kept gliding your hips, begging for every last drop until Sam was a whimpering mess and you were both boarding overstimulation.

When you lifted off, Sam watched with hooded eyes as his release slowly dripped from you. A sight he’d secretly dreamed of in more than one of those late lonely nights alone on the bus as the swaying of the frame against the wheels lulled him to sleep.

“Better?” He teased, taking too much enjoyment from picking on you. You welcomed it though. You and Sam were always head to head when it came to teasing each other and it was comforting to know that in your quickly developing relationship at least that hadn’t changed.

You weren’t willing to back down either, even if Sam had just given you everything you ever could have wanted. “No not yet, I’m starving now”.

With legs that felt like jello, you climbed off him, picking up his thin flannel from the floor and slipping it over your frame. The buttons were crooked, but you didn’t care since you were only bothering with three of them anyways. Just enough to cover your chest and the rest was left hanging open as you found your underwear next.

You left Sam to decide how dressed he wanted to get and you wandered your way through the cabin, taking in the old photos framed on the wall of a family you were unfamiliar with yet felt oddly connected to.

Once you found the kitchen again you noticed that it was still a mess from the party. Apparently after all the commotion of that night no one had the time to come back up here and clean up. You tucked your hair behind your ears and found a large black trash bag from underneath the sink to start collecting things to throw away, emptying out leftover cups in the sink as you went.

Before long, a pair of arms circled around you from behind making you jump in surprise. Sam had never been that quiet before, you could usually hear his bare feet slapping against the floor from a distance, but he’d managed to catch you off guard this time.

“You don’t have to do that. Jake and I were going to clean up tomorrow”.

“I don’t mind” you replied, leaning over your shoulder to peck him on the cheek. “It’s the least I can do for them letting us borrow the place for the night”.

“Well, while you do that I’ll see what I can find for us to snack on”. Sam moved over to the fridge, pulling it open to see it was practically bare besides some beers that hadn’t been claimed at the party, a pitcher of purified water that was nearly empty, and an opened container of Halloween themed cupcakes.

“Hmm, Jake could have mentioned we should stop by the grocery store” he huffed as he pulled the cupcake box out and set it on the island you had cleared off.

“Think we can get pizza delivered?” You chuckled, though you were still eyeing a particular cupcake that looked really good right about now. Setting the half full bag aside, you joined Sam at the other end of the island, knowingly reaching over in a way that he could see down the shirt.

“Maybe…” he trailed off, not even hiding the way he was revenging your body with his eyes, then he leaned back to get a look at your ass peeking out from under the flannel, clad in nothing but your panties. “You’re going to have to hide when I answer the door though. Can’t let anyone else get to see you like this now can I?”

“Hmm,” you pretended to think about it for a moment as you used your pointer finger to gather some of the cold frosting from your cupcake, and popped it into your mouth. “What about you?”

Sam had only pulled his boxers back on, the rest of his body still bare for you to ogle at as much as you wanted now that he was yours. You came around to where he stood, wrapping your arms around him and kissing at his back.

“Sammy?” You pulled away, the flirtatious tone in your voice fading into something more concerned. “Baby think you’re running a fever”.

“Really?” He started to realize you had mentioned more than just a few times how warm he felt to your touch, but he hadn’t noticed himself. There was something different though, and his brows furrowed as he tried to figure out exactly what it was.

“Do you think your wound got infected? Do you ache anywhere” you let your hands brush across his back, a small part of you a little worried about having spiked his fever by having sex.

“No, physically I feel fine, but something else is off. I don’t know, it's like my mind is fogged or something. Maybe I could just use some air”.

Trying not to worry too much you stepped aside and let him make his way out to the back porch, keeping an eye on him through the windows. After deciding he wasn’t about to suddenly drop dead or anything, you turned to look for anything in the kitchen you thought might help.

In the fridge you filled the water purifier back up to the top then moved on to rummaging through the cabinets. Most of them were filled with mix matched plates, mugs, and cooking equipment for camping, but finally in the last cabinet you checked there happened to be a box of camomile tea that had expired a couple of months ago, but you figured it couldn’t do more harm than good.

You microwaved some water in a random mug and set the tea bag inside to let it steep for a few minutes, closing up the cupcake box and putting it back away in the meantime.

Next to the door there was a set of light switches. The sun had nearly disappeared behind the tree line by now so you flicked the first switch on, it was for the living room. Leaving that one on for now you moved to the next. Sam glanced over his shoulder when an overhead light came on outside, and you joined him with his tea.

“Thanks” he smiled and took a sip before turning back around to stare up at the sky some more.

“It’s freezing out here” you shivered, wrapping your arms around your barely clothed body, but you didn’t want to leave him out here alone any longer.

“Come here” he reached his hand out, and you took it, allowing him to pull you in front of him so he could drape his chest against your back. You were immediately enveloped in his warmth, and you leaned back against him with a sigh.

The scenery was quaint but beautiful nonetheless. Behind you the sun cast its last reach of light as it set to the west, and before you the darkness of night crept closer. Birds still flew in the sky above the treetops, and remnants of the bonfire from the party rest in the distance.

Your eyes braved a glance in the direction Sam had disappeared to that night right after your fight. Feeling weary you grabbed his arm and wrapped it tighter around you, hoping the squeeze would keep reminding you that he was right here, safe. “I still can’t believe there was a bear out there. What if it had come out into the yard?”

Sam tensed behind you and you immediately regret bringing it up. Neither of you had talked about the incident since it happened, both a little too preoccupied with starting to date and since he had healed so well it kind of faded away into the background.

“It wasn’t a bear” Sam muttered, just barely loud enough that you could only hear it since you were so close. You turned your head up towards him, confused as this was the first time you were hearing him say anything at all about it. “Wolf,” he continued, his eyes still fixed on the moon hanging above your heads. “It was a wolf”.

“A wolf?!” You exclaimed, unable to sort out in your mind which was worse. How had he been able to survive a wolf attack? And what kind of wolves went around scratching people in the neck?

“I don’t really remember what happened. One second I was walking through the trees, I actually thought you had followed me because I heard something behind me, but when I turned around it must’ve attacked me. I think I blacked out from the trauma, and when I came to I was leaning against Danny and you were crying”.

A pang of guilt shot through you again, and tears threatened to spill at the thought of Sam thinking you had come after him only to get attacked by an animal… You turned around in his hold, cupping his face in your cold hands, gingerly holding his attention. “I’m so sorry I let that happen. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I want to keep you safe, always”.

“Nothing that happened is your fault” Sam quickly eased you even though you were the one supposed to be consoling him. “If anything, I’m glad it happened so that we could come together like this. I feel like something is changing in me, and I’m really glad I have you to lean on”.

Something changing? You hadn’t realized the event had made such an impact on him mentally, but you had to agree you were glad he knew you were here if he needed anything at all. Taking his mug from him, you squat down to place it on the ground out of harm's way, and slowly as you raised back up you planted soft little kisses along his body.

Firstly one on each thigh, then on the lowest bit of his stomach just above the waistband of his boxers. One to his sternum, then a pair for both sides of his clavicle, and lastly as gentle as you possibly could you placed a tender kiss to his scarred neck.

When you were done Sam pulled you into a swift kiss. The feeling of his lips slotting against yours, his warm body pressing you up against the beams of the banister, it was enough to melt away your worries.

Sam lifted you onto the banister next, and you wrapped your arms tightly around his shoulders so you wouldn’t fall backwards even though you knew he would never allow that to happen. His lips moved to your neck, leaving a new love bite next to the one from earlier, and with what sounded like a low growl he ripped the buttons off his shirt to expose your chest to him.

“Sam!” You gasped, hearing the tiny plastic pieces bounce around somewhere on the porch before ultimately disappearing. “Again?”

“Again” he growled once more, reaching between your bodies to slip his hand into your underwear.

You sighed into the touch. Normally you wouldn’t be ready for another round so soon, but as his fingers found your clit you were already starting to pool with need.

When you whimpered his name again, Sam pulled his boxers down and moved your underwear to the side, just fast enough for him to enter you in one fluid movement. You bit your lip trying to muffle your cries of pleasure, considering you were on the back porch, but Sam wasn’t about to have that.

“There’s no one out here for miles, you can be as loud as you want”.

One of your hands left Sam’s shoulder and you reached up to gather some of his hair at the back of his head into your fist, giving it a hard tug. “Only if you are loud too”.

Sam’s reaction to the hair pull was just as you hoped. He picked up the pace, his actions becoming rushed and sloppy but that didn’t stop the fire from being igniting between you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuck” he did moan loudly, waiting for you to pull again. When you did his hips stuttered and he let out another low growl. “I’m cumming”.

“Me to” you pulled his hair once more but this time to get him closer so you could crash your lips together, your shared climaxes washing over you as the last traces of light disappeared behind the cabin.

“Have you always had that much stamina?” You questioned between bites of the pizza Sam successfully ordered while you were getting cleaned up in the shower. You had met every one of Sam’s girlfriends in the past. Some you liked, some you thought he was absolutely insane for putting up with, and he had met all of your exs as well. Though the two of you never really talked about sex stuff before. Probably for good reason, because if you had known you two were going to be such a good match physically as well, then this likely would have happened a lot sooner.

“I’ve never been a one-pump-chump if that’s what you’re asking” Sam replied as he chewed a large bite.

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth you animal” you poked his still bare chest, though after showering himself he had opted to at least put on some sweats for comfort.

“You asked me a question” he shrugged, tearing off another bite, unbothered.

You rolled your eyes and chuckled, finishing your plate and offering to grab him another random beer from the fridge while you were up.

After dinner Sam put a movie on and you sat next to him on the tiny couch in the living room, your legs stretched out over his lap and your head resting on his shoulder. “I’m going to be sad when you have to leave again” you muttered, not having been able to pay attention to the old flick he found on one of the few channels the TV got reception to way out here.

Sam squeezed your waist for comfort, “I know, maybe you can come with us for a while? Take a semester off?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed, “that will only delay my graduation. I don’t want to be in school for any longer than I need to”.

“That’s alright, we will make it work. Everyone else does”.

“Right” you agreed, trying not to pick at your cuticles out of habit. You knew Sam would do anything for you, and you him, but you couldn’t help but feel like the worst of your struggles were not yet behind you.

Sam reached for the remote and clicked off the TV, offering to carry you to bed which you adamantly declined but that only resulted in him chasing you down the hallway in a fit of laughter.

“I know this has all sort of changed rather quickly” Sam mumbled quietly in the dark of the bedroom, both of you holding each other close underneath the quilt.

“Yeah? I don’t think so” you smiled. Really you got where he was coming from, but when it came down to it you knew these feelings had always been there and you and Sam had already been so close before. “I mean, this is kind of new” you let your hand trail down his chest, tickling the light dusting of hair above his groin.

“Mmm, you sure you’re ready to go there again?” Sam cocked a brow as if challenging you to test your luck further.

You retreated your hand, tucking it back against his chest as you turned onto your side. “Maybe in the morning”.

“Morning, right” Sam nodded his head, yeah he could work with that. “What I meant to get at was, I don’t want you to think I’m being ingenuine when I say things. It’s just I think I’ve felt this way for a long time, and now that I can be honest with myself about it I can’t help but need you to know”.

“Know what Sam?” your voice fell into a hush again, feeling the atmosphere shift from friendly banter, to something more intense and sincere.

He turned onto his side as well, wanting to look you directly in the eyes. “I love you”.

You felt your heart thump fiercely in your chest, your love for him having manifested itself there for longer than you could even remember, and you knew there was nothing left for you to do but to simply say it back. “I love you too Sam”.

In the morning you shared leftover pizza, just passing the time by enjoying each other's company. Really enjoying each other's company. It was going to be a miracle if you were able to walk straight by the time you left this cabin.

Shortly after the noon hour, a knock finally came at the door, bringing you and Sam out of yet another heated make out session on the couch as a random record from a forgotten stack you’d found in the closet of one of the other bedrooms spun on the player in the background.

“Jake” Sam nodded when he answered the door after you ducked into the room to find some more appropriate clothing options to put on.

“Sammy” Jake nodded back, a knowing smirk planted across his face as he stepped inside.

“Hey!” You greeted them a little too enthusiastically, trying not to sound like they had interrupted anything at all. They greeted you back and you watched as Jake and his girlfriend filled in, but in tow behind them was someone neither you or Sam recognized.

“Oh, so this is my older brother Theo” Jake’s girlfriend introduced the unknown man.

Sam stepped up first, offering his hand to shake and introduce himself back, then wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “And this is my girlfriend”.

“Stop, please” you groaned dramatically, pushing him away and introducing yourself.

Theo seemed distant during the entire interaction, and you didn’t quite understand why he was here if he hadn’t even met Sam yet. Jake seemed comfortable with him though, and you trusted his opinion of people so you didn’t bother to read into it too much.

“Right, so should we get to cleaning up then?” Jake’s girlfriend suggested, grabbing her boyfriend by the arm and pulling him into the kitchen where she was pleased to see that you had already started to pick up all the trash.

“I’m going to go put a shirt on” Sam informed you, leaving you with a kiss to the top of your head as he left for the bedroom.

Grabbing another trash bag from the kitchen you let Jake and his girlfriend know you’re going to start in the backyard, remembering from yesterday having seen quite a bit of trash still out there.

“Hey, I think you might want to come back in here” Jake held the back door open as he called out to you. He wore a look of uneasiness as you approached the porch, and you abandoned the bag of garbage to see what was the matter.

Once back inside you saw Sam, flustered out of his mind as he tore through drawers and cabinets all while mumbling frantically to himself “where are they?”

“What is it?” You asked, approaching him slowly since he was running around madly.

“Fuck!” He shouted loudly, almost completely ignoring you as he stopped in the middle of the kitchen to think for a second. As if he suddenly remembered something, he ran back down the hallway and into another bedroom, finally returning with a crumpled pack of cigarettes and pushed his way past all the staring eyes to go out onto the back porch.

“What happened?” You turned back to Jake. You had never seen Sam act that way before, so whatever it was that got him so riled up definitely terrified you.

“Don’t know, he was in the bedroom for a while then just came bursting out like a lunatic” Jake replied, wishing himself that you could answer the question for him.

“I’m going to go check on him”. You pulled on a convincing smile, trying to give Jake a bit of peace of mind when in reality you were worried about what you might uncover when you stepped back outside.

Sam was hunched over the banister, a lit cigarette dangling between his fingers, the smoke blowing towards you with the wind. “Baby?” You called out to him in your sweetest most tender voice. He ignored you but he wasn’t acting crazed anymore, you noticed though as he brought the cigarette slowly to his mouth for another drag that his hands were trembling uncontrollably. “Are you alright?”

“I don’t know” Sam finally replied as he blew out the smoke, taking another long pull from the butt before slumping back over.

“Talk to me Sam” you stepped up next to him, attempting to place a comforting hand on his shoulder that he flinched away from. “You’re scaring me”.

“I don’t know if I can say” he looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot like he was about to burst into tears. What could be bothering him so badly that he felt like he couldn’t talk to you about it? “I don’t think you’ll believe me”.

“Don’t you remember what you told me last night? That the things you say are genuine? Well I believed you then, why wouldn’t I believe you now?”

Sam huffed, shaking his head like you just didn’t understand. “That was different. This is…” he trailed off, taking the last drag before pressing the cigarette out against the rotting wood. Suddenly he turned to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, dropping his head onto your shoulder. “You promise you won’t think I’m crazy?”

You smoothed the back of Sam’s hair with your hand, your other arm coming around to hold him steady. “I mean everyone already thinks that but we still love you” you teased lightly, trying to bring some normality back in the conversation.

He lifted his head and took your hand, guiding you over to a pair of wooden rocking chairs on the other end of the porch. When you both sat down you kept his hand in your own, cradling it there for support as he gathered how to tell you what was wrong.

“It’s umm, Theo” he began and your back straightened out a little. You knew you had gotten a vibe from him when he entered with everyone else, like a dark cloud had followed them, but you never would have expected him and Sam to get into it like this. “He came into the bedroom and told me we needed to talk. It was weird. I knew Jake’s girlfriend had a brother but he was never around so I don’t really know him, but I agreed anyways”.

“Ok?” Your mind was racing with all the possibilities of what they could have talked about, everyone staying at his family’s cabin, maybe money, but nothing would have prepared for what Sam was about to unveil.

“He told me that he was here last week, and when he heard that I was the one who had been attacked that night in the woods, he had to come and warn me”

“What?” If he was at the party then why hadn’t any of you met him then?

Sam’s free hand came up and he timidly touched the scar now adorning his neck, and if you weren’t sure that it was absolutely impossible you could have started to put two and two together yourself. It was impossible though. Just a scary story to keep people out of the woods at night. An urban legend made up to blame the way people acted on the cycles of a big rock in the sky. So you sat quietly and let him continue.

“I didn’t believe him at first, but then he lifted his shirt and on his side I saw he had the same scar as I did. The scar he got three years ago when he was out here fishing alone, something followed him back from the lake, and when he tried to fight it off he got scratched, by a large wolf”.

A wolf… You tried again to imagine how it must’ve happened, but you couldn’t wrap your mind around it entirely. “So what does this all mean Sam? What was he trying to warn you about?”

There was a moment of silence as he gathered the courage to answer, his mouth opened and he pulled in a deep breath of air, but the words couldn’t come out whole. “On the next full moon, I’m- I’m going to… change”.

“Change?” You repeated, trying to finish the sentence for him “into a wolf?”

Sam cringed, pulling his hand away from you and leaning back into the chair. “You think it’s crazy don’t you”.

“I think you’ve both been through something traumatic, and you haven’t really talked with anyone about it…”

“I haven’t talked to anyone because I’ve had this weird nagging feeling like something is wrong since it happened. I thought maybe it was those antibiotics the doctors sent me home with so I stopped taking them”.

“Sam” you gave him a disappointed look, but didn’t have the heart to truly scold him right now. “You could have talked to me, could have told me”.

“I know,” he sighed, “and I should have, but everything was going so well between us. I was so happy, I didn’t want to spoil anything”.

It was hard for you to hear that he had been keeping this from you, especially because you thought you had been doing such a good job at taking care of him. The guilt you felt still had yet to subside though, so you didn’t fault him for not wanting to make it worse. If anything you did blame yourself some more for not noticing something was wrong. Then it hit you, “so every time I touched you, and you were so warm…”. It certainly was crazy to believe him, but for some reason you did, it made sense even if just a little bit and that was enough for you to stand by him.

Sam looked relieved that you somehow seemed to be seriously considering this outlandish tale to be true, but it unnerved him the same. “What am I going to do? What’s going to happen to me? I don’t even know who I can tell… even if my brothers and Danny do believe me too, what about the band? We play shows at night, I can’t very well come out on the stage on all fours”.

These were all valid questions for Sam to have, but honestly you didn’t even know where to begin to find the answers. The only thing you knew was Sam meant the world to you and you needed to make sure he knew you were always going to be there for him. So you gathered your resolve and stood, pulling on a supporting smile. “Let’s start with Jake first, he’s really worried about you. After, we still have three weeks to figure everything out right? Until the next full moon?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, and he raised to take your hand again allowing you to guide him back into the cabin where surly, he would be received with all the love and acceptance he needed.

[sandycookie]

Heartslabyul QnA!

Posting the QnA here, will provide link and other options with ch13 release

Anonymous asks: 

I really like how this is a flow of consciousness style of writing! So I was wondering how you manage to get so many descriptions and thoughts, as I unfortunately rely too much on dialouge rather than sayijg what's happening because I can't really put it in words.

That’s a mystery to me too. 

Something I strive to do is to try and make things feel more ‘dynamic’, in a sense. I want to make my writing as far away from feeling like a slideshow as possible, as that’s what a lot of really non-descriptive writing comes across to me as. I still struggle with dialogue; not with the dialogue itself (most of the time) but with what the characters are doing. If they’re saying, laughing, hissing, etc. I try to add in little actions, note little ticks in facial expressions as well, etc. If you see an opportunity to add character or texture, you should try to take it. I try to consider what the characters might be feeling and also how they react, especially with dialogue since dialogue alone sometimes won’t be enough to convey certain meanings. Saying something like ‘What the fuck’ can take on multiple different meanings depending on how it’s said, like if it’s confused or enraged. 

What helps is that since the main POV POTI uses is Third Person Limited, I can intersperse scenes with thoughts and whatnot. POTI’s structure helps support description, both due to its POV and the character that POV comes from. I think that Third Person Limited is a really great POV for characterization, as you can characterize through description on top of general actions and dialog (and also through what they don’t notice, and what they think happened)—for example, one character might describe an orange as ‘A simple fruit’ while another describes it as ‘A scourge upon this earth’, etc. In POTI’s case, Alex is a writer (with only one work attributed, about her teachers warring in McDonald’s as mentioned in ch1, lmao), which is why there’s so much descriptive thought and whatnot (but to be honest I mostly added that detail as a way to include description, since it’s something I really enjoy writing. Plus, it lets me be funny by having Alex flip flop between elegant speech and ‘bro’s huffing copuim’ ha ha ha aren’t I so hilarious ha ha). She’s an overthinker (though I’ve toned that down a bit, because otherwise each chapter would’ve been like 50k words or something else crazy), therefore in order to write from her POV, you have to consider the environment and whatnot that surrounds and the kind of reactions that elicits.

In other words, coming up with prose doesn’t necessarily mean coming up with description; it means coming up with characterization if that makes sense. 

Now, as for how I do this…I’m not really sure myself. 

The easy answer is: “Read books.” It's generic and I’m sure you’ve been told it a lot but it’s common for a reason. A writer cannot be without having been a reader. At the end of the day, writing is an intellectual labor, and by studying the prose and techniques of others, you too begin to internalize it, begin to let it flow through you. I can say it works because that’s kind of what I did. I read a lot of books when I was younger, though I did stop and started reading fanfiction (I have read like, 2 books this past year, but I’m nowhere near as bookish as I used to be lmao), but I was super picky with it. I couldn’t stand even slightly choppy prose and would just immediately click off if I thought it wasn’t well written enough (that sounds like I’m some really bad judge on some talent show lol; did preteen me want some caviar to go with her hamburger?). I really loved reading descriptive prose, and that’s what I sought after. Now, fanfic shouldn’t be relied on as a sole source of reading for the sake of improvement—I think we’ve all seen our fair share of poorly written fics in our time—but I don’t think it should be discredited. There’s an entire world of immensely skilled fanfic authors out there, who craft prose that goes beyond tugging at the heart; that becomes the instrument the heart uses to tug.  

If I were to refer to formal authors, Edgar Allan Poe is a master of crafting atmosphere. He’s a standard I doubt I’ll even be able to so much as graze. Tolkien also takes his sweet time immersing his reader in the environment of his worlds. And if you have the stomach for it, Lolita by Vladimir Nobokov is narrated by a pedophile who just so happens to have a degree in French literature (and the prose is genuinely beautiful; but part of reading Lolita is seeing that even disguised behind beauty, this is a wicked man whose done wretched things); it can really worm its way into your head with how Humbert (the narrator) weaves the threads of his prose, but because of its content as well as how Humbert is constantly trying to win your sympathy and deceive you, it’s not a read to be taken lightly. Even I haven’t mustered the stomach to read it in its entirety. 

But of course, I didn’t read this classical literature in middle school or anything, but if you are willing to delve into that, then it’s not a terrible idea. I would recommend Poe the most since the vast majority of his works are short stories, so they don’t take as much investment as a novel does.

Of course, it would be a bit disingenuous to not recommend some fics with well written and descriptive prose of my own, given that I literally talked about how fanfic shouldn’t be discredited. If I didn’t include some, I’d righteously placed on a stake. 

For TWST fics, Yuu and the Power of Magic by writingerror. It’s simply fantastic, and one of my fav fics, period. I even wrote fanfic of it; that’s how you know I like something. I really adore writingerror’s style of prose, and it’s taught me a few things about prose. I don’t actually have a lot of recommendations here for TWST, since I don’t read as much fanfic as I used to. 

Other fics from other fandoms I’d recommend are: 

The Fifth Act (FF7) By Sinnatious. Excellent from characterization, prose, and plot. Anyone who likes FF7 should read this; it’s too amazing not to. Of all of the fics I list, this is objectively the best fic out of the bunch. I’m not even afraid to say that; it’s just that good. 

Providence (FF7, FF15) by fallintosanity is a sequel to TFA, featuring Noctis from FF15. If you enjoyed TFA, then I highly recommend you go read this afterward (I myself aren’t that familiar with FF15, and I wouldn’t say you really need to be to enjoy Providence)

Lucky Child (YYH) by Star Charter. My favorite fic on the list undoubtedly. It’s really long, but its beautifully written and the plot and character relationships are super well thought out. It uses 1st POV, so the prose is able to truly reflect the protag’s thoughts and character. Also, there are only 4 times that I’ve shed a tear from reading/watching/playing something. This fic was one of them. There have been few times my eyes have watered, and even fewer times where I actually get pushed to let them go. Trust me when I say that when this fic is impactful, it’s impactful. Also, Yu Yu Hakusho is just, really good, so go watch that if you have time, and if you do, do so with the dub. YYH’s the only anime where I actually prefer dub to sub; the casting is perfect and the performances are really fucking amazing 

At the end of the day, writing is an intellectual labor. That doesn’t mean that an inability to write to a certain standard means you’re dumb, but what it does mean is that you have to train your mind to think in a certain way, and in this case that means training it to be descriptive. Something I like to do is take an object and think of it in prose, and I always try to write at least a little bit per day. Practice makes perfect, as they say.

I would also like to say, while we’re at it, that you should bear in mind that writing isn’t a universal craft. Writing is highly situational, and not all conventions for it will be universal. This can be things like grammar to fucking up the formatting like how House of Leaves does. That also means that using dialogue as the main means of progression isn’t a bad thing, either. Although dialogue alone isn’t enough to carry an entire story, it is perfectly fine to use it as the main device of progression. The Hate U Give is largely interaction/dialogue driven, for a somewhat recent example.

At the end of the day, you should try to write in a way most suitable to what you’re writing about and for. 

Writing is tough, and it’s a journey that’s not characterized by big leaps. It takes a lot of small steps, and there really isn’t an end point. But it’s the journey where the biggest revelations are made and we reach the conclusions and answers most important to us. Don’t be discouraged; you still have a long way to go and a limitless horizon to expand! Keep it at, and like how a great meme man in water says:

And if that fails to persuade, then you should also know that I’ll never give up on you, never let you down, never, ever going to desert you, never make you cry, never say goodbye, and never tell a lie to hurt you. 

Now that I’ve strung you far along enough, here’s what I really did: I read yandere fanfiction. I’m legit pretty sure that’s the only reason my prose is this good. It is also probably responsible for 45% of my questionable thoughts. The other 55% is from the Internet. Now that I’ve told you this, here’s a favor from you to me: take this last bit of information to the grave. Mostly because typing that was just pretty funny and I am nothing if not a hedonist except when I’m not. 

[poisonpercy]

I have finished wottg, and I would rate it 1.5 out of 5. This book is not good at all. It has its moments here and there, but the story as a whole is not engaging. The writing and plot are bland, the jokes aren’t funny, and the characterization of the main trio is so far removed from all their past canon appearances. You can’t get through a chapter without it either mentioning pee, farts, or that Percy is stupid.

It’s also very clear that Rick is not thinking about the preexisting characters of his long running book series and is instead thinking about the PJO Disney+ adaptation of the characters when writing them. That’s not a good practice to implement because it shows that Rick doesn’t think well on his past writing. The very same writing, might I add, that gave him the fame and fortune he has today. I personally didn’t like the Disney+ show and stopped watching it halfway through because of how disappointing it was. That means I don’t want the show influencing the books, but alas all can’t get what we want.

While the senior year adventurers are supposed to be fun, low-stakes books, it’s clear there’s no love being put into the books, which makes a relatively easy read hard to get through. And furthermore, PJO has always been about disability representation. One of the main points of PJO was to show kids that their disabilities don’t define them. Reading wottg would have you reevaluating that main point because it makes a mockery of Percy having ADHD and dyslexia by saying that the poor grades he gets from his academic struggles with these conditions equates to his intelligence.

Anyways, enough with me rambling. Here is part 1 (of 2) of my reactions to reading wottg.

Spoilers for wottg below:

Please imagine a better crew* 😐

*This does not include the actors of course. No hate towards them. But everyone else, it’s on sight

Starting off strong with the same timeline inconsistency I’ve pointed out multiple times! Percy did not, in fact, miss his entire junior year. He missed his sophomore year. If this is supposed to be the school year following the summer of hoo, Percy would be in his junior year and not his senior year

Hey, so this is actually insane! I’m now wondering about accommodations and if Percy gets them (he should). This paragraph, however, makes it seem like he’s not, or they’re just not the right ones. Despite that, a kidnapping victim shouldn’t be put under this much stress to catch up. Unless, of course, Percy was never reported as a missing person which doesn’t make sense since schools take note of chronic absences. Anyways…

I won’t lie, I laughed at this description of Zeus

Percy is stronger than me because I think hearing that would have broken something in me. I would have snapped. Like genuinely, I would be so pissed if I learned that I could have finished all my recommendation letter quests, but Hecate held them off because she wanted me to pet sit for her. Granted, I wouldn’t mind pet sitting but that’s besides the point

I wish somebody would stop writing books about you, Percy 😒

Aw that’s cute. He’s so in love with Annabeth 🥺

I don’t like Hana. Also, Percy’s insecurity in comparison to Annabeth is strong. I don’t like that these interactions are painting that Annabeth is the smart one and that Percy is the dumb one. The narrative used to treat Percy as smart, if unconventional

So who proofread this book?? Because that’s definitely supposed to be Dave and Hana. Not Paul and Hana

I do love that Annabeth the dog person has made a reappearance. Let her play with all the dogs

I absolutely hate this! Please bring me back to the original characterization of these characters. I am begging for Rick to stop reducing them to shitty fanon interpretations. Percy very much had good ideas. Annabeth has had some stupid ideas. Let these characters be multifaceted again, please. Or else

I can’t take this book seriously when it’s this inconsistent with the established timeline. Leo Valdez is still thought to be dead. How can he tutor Percy in Spanish if he hasn’t arrived to chb with Calypso? Toa hasn’t happened yet, yet somehow Leo is known to be alive 🙄

This is my villain origin story. Percy and Grover being reduced to dumb caricatures of themselves and Annabeth being reduced to the smart, sensible mom friend

I actually am a huge fan of Percy becoming a firefighter. He has some fire resistance and is obviously good with water. The only problem might be possible PTSD surrounding fire due to Mt. Saint Helens and Tartarus

Ok new lore surrounding celestial bronze. I don’t hate this, but kinda wish it was something brought up in previous books. I get why it wasn’t, but idk. Feels like it was only added for convenience

Ok another mention of Leo. This is killing me. That man is still presumed to be dead. Also is the whistle actually something Leo gave Percy in another book (like toa)? Anyways, weird engraving considering the two of them weren’t close to each other

It would be nice if Rick remembered that it was Percy who wanted to attend college in New Rome. This makes it seem like he’s only doing so because Annabeth wants to go to college

New game: take a shot every time wottg implies that Percy is dumb and can’t survive without Annabeth’s help

So we’re just ignoring the long history of Percy comforting Annabeth 🤨 This book is giving me a headache

Why are we making pjotv canon into book canon. Please leave pjotv out of the books. Also Percy is not this oblivious. He’s very perceptive. Why are we changing Percy’s characterization so much? And the changes aren’t even for the better!!

Yes, because the girl character just has to be the mom in every relationship, even when they’re a minor. Totally not regressive and misogynistic. Annabeth deserves better than this

I have to agree with Grover here. I love tzatziki. It’s absolutely divine. I had some on a gyro just a few days ago 😙🤌

Listen, I think this is kind of weird. While it may feel like Percy and Annabeth have been dating for a long time, realistically they’ve only been together for about a year. Most of which Percy was missing. They are not that far in a relationship to be thinking about being parents and it keeps being brought up. Also they’re both 17, so yeah super weird imo

When will my wife (Percy being able to think on his own) return from the war (Rick’s terrible writing)

Says the guy who said all three of them died by drowning in a bathtub. Not but let’s talk about how improv is one of Percy’s strengths that has been a consistent part of his character until now. I could list so many instances in which Percy’s ability to improvise has saved him and his friends, but apparently Rick can’t 🙄

Why does it seem that like every time Percy has a win during this book, Rick makes sure to mention that this is abnormal? As if Percy can’t accomplish things without Annabeth because he’s not as smart as her? This is a disservice to all characters involved. This also makes it seem like Annabeth doesn’t trust Percy’s abilities, which is so untrue

I need a gun 😐

Finally finished the 2 books I planned on reading before wottg came out. It’s now time for me to read wottg. Will report back with my opinions

[itsclydebitches]

By all means, go off about The Blacklist. What's it about? 👀

Bless you, anon, for indulging my current obsessions :D

OKAY so the premise is great imo. Elizabeth “Liz” Keen’s life is basically perfect. She’s married to a handsome, adoring, successful teacher. They’re very near to finishing the process of adopting their first child. Best of all, Liz is beginning her career as an FBI profiler. Today’s her first day on the job and, other than being a little late rolling out of bed, it’s going to be great!

Except for one teeny, tiny snag. An hour or so before she’s due in the office, Raymond “Red” Reddington, #1 on the FBI’s Most Wanted list, turns himself in. He offers himself up as the FBI’s informant, specifically feeding them info on what he refers to as the blacklist: a list of criminals so heinous, secretive, and downright dangerous that the FBI doesn’t even know they exist, let alone how to catch them. Red will serve up his fellow fugitives on a silver platter. The catch?

He'll only work with Liz.

So the FBI is like, “Why the fuck is the ‘concierge of crime’ interested in a newbie profiler who hasn’t even made it into work yet?” and Liz is also like, “Wtf, I don’t know him, why would Reddington be interested in me?” It’s the mystery at the heart of the whole show, interspersed among the stand-alone episodes where they go after blacklisters: who is Liz to Red? Because he is very protective of her. Accommodating. Downright adoring—or perhaps obsessive. But really, Spader is fantastic in the role and keeps things on the side of charmingly sweet (in a ‘I’ll kill huge swaths of people for you :)’ kinda way) as opposed to creepy, which I really like. Honestly, a good 75% of the show's appeal for me is in Red's characterization and Spader's performance.

The point though is that everyone wants to know why such a powerful, immoral man would go out of his way to not just work with Liz, but bend/break every rule he’s ever made—tear apart years of self-serving contingency plans—just to keep her safe. I mean, the whole thing starts with Red turning himself in, risking disappearing into some dark FBI hole, just for the chance to see her.

So is he in love with her? (Lizzington is a popular ship, despite—or perhaps in part because of—the May/December dynamic and frankly the show does a lot to feed that possibility. It's never going to be canon, but fans aren't just pulling this ship out of thin air either. Trust me. I went in expecting it to just be fans being fans and... it's not. It's really not.) Is he her father? (And now we see why lizzington is controversial lol.) Is he manipulating Liz? Are the two of them in on something together? Theories abound, with each season providing new clues and revelations, nine seasons so far in total… so you can see where I’m going with this. Frankly, it doesn’t add up. I knew as soon as I understood the premise and caught wind of the show’s length that there would be no satisfying resolution. You don’t pose a singular question like that and dole out supposed answers each season without eventually retconning the hell out of previous episodes, or dropping previously important reveals, or just plain making stuff up for the sake of drama rather than logic. It’s inevitable in a form with so many fingers in the writing pie and, having been spoiled for the later seasons, I know that this isn’t magically fixed along the way.

So that’s a definite flaw in the show, though one I fully expected and thus am pretty indifferent to. The far bigger issue I have is that, as said in my tag rant, poor Liz is barely allowed to be a character anymore. She’s treated as a plot device, with her emotions serving whatever the current conflict is, rather than occurring as a result of her experiences. As you can imagine, Liz has some complicated feelings about Red, but they’re far from logical or consistent. I’m not joking when I say that she’ll despise him at the start of one episode, be hugging him by the end, and then be back to wanting him cut from her life at the start of the next episode with no explanation as to why this change occurred. Much like RWBY, the viewer is forced to decide for themselves why Liz is constantly on an emotional roller coaster that defies gravity and though yes, there are PLENTY of potential explanations in the show—I think this woman has been through enough to have earned a blanket ‘You think she’s emotionally stable??’ justification—but from a writing perspective it’s less than satisfying to continually do the writer’s work for them. In some episodes things won't stay consistent between scenes and I want to kick down the responsible party's door to ask what the actual hell they were thinking.

It's the kind of show with a few key, GLARING problems and if you’re hoping for something tightly written that will neatly wrap up all your questions and presumed inconsistencies with a pretty bow… keep waiting. But I’m used to shows like that—it happens with most long-form action stories, frankly, especially if they’ve got a core mystery like Blacklist—so I’ve learned to prioritize other aspects. Like the cast of characters? Top notch. Liz and Red’s dynamic is obviously the heart of the show and as much as I prefer them getting along, Liz’s cyclical anger is compelling too, in large part because Red remains completely devoted to her, no matter what she throws at him or how badly she treats him. Not to overshare on main, but I cannot possibly emphasize enough what a sucker I am for a sophisticated bad guy who would burn the world for his loved one even when she hates him. Actually, especially when she hates him because oh no, no one can hate him more than he already hates himself.

We’ve got Dembe, Red’s right-hand man and all around badass with a marshmallow center. Ressler who I’m usually pretty meh about because he’s the boring by-the-book cop, but every once in a while he pulls some chaotic move out of left field that makes me cheer. Samar who is even more of a badass than Dembe and that’s REALLY saying something. Aram, easily one of my favorite quirky tech characters of all time: literal ball of sunshine who will nevertheless cut you if you threaten his found family. Their boss, Cooper, who seems like a hardass but ultimately treats his team like his kids (letting them get away with shit included). Tom, Liz’s husband, who is… complicated. Mr. Kaplan who you just need to watch to fully appreciate. The cast is A+

Which means I’m watching the stupidest plot-line man ever devised, or a character suddenly did a 180 with no explanation, and yeah that makes the meta-writing part of my brain seethe and bite her imaginary pillow to muffle screams of rage… but then the characters have A Moment™, or there’s an actually well done twist, or we get an action sequence that yeah, is pretty silly when all is said and done, but it’s fun and I remember why I want to watch this show through to the end. Not because I think the big mystery will have a satisfying conclusion and not even because I like a lot of the major plot-lines coming up (I don’t) but because I still like the characters and so long as they’re interacting together in interesting ways, I’ll keep tuning in.

Particularly when it comes to Liz and Red. For however badly their relationship is written at times, the underlying dynamic itself remains stellar: successful FBI agent vs. renowned criminal. Poetic charmer vs. down-to-earth realist. Answers vs. questions. Is she making him better? Is he making her worse? What are they to each other and, even if the show did define that clearly on some level, can it really be answered so easily? I don’t think so. The fact that some days my brain goes, “God they have such a good father-daughter-esque relationship” and other days it’s going, “I ship it 👀” and other days it’s just, “You two need to stay FAR AWAY from each other. I mean, I’m digging the dysfunction, but if you were real people holy shit” just speaks to the complexity here. As frustrating as it can be, the messiness is kinda fun too? They’re compelling and they make my brain go brrrr with possibilities and sometimes that’s all you need in a show!

At least for the first three seasons. Lets see how I feel after 3 times that lol

Thus ends my 1k+, mostly non-spoilery Blacklist ramble ✌️

[fozmeadows]

race & culture in fandom

For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.

Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.

All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.

Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?

Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.

The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.

Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.

Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.

An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.

But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.

Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.  

[seance]

What are your thoughts about season 3 of TUA?

Let’s start with saying I’m now comfortable with admitting I liked it more than s2. Until episode 4 I was seriously worrying about the pace of the plot, it felt very all over the place but once the various storylines started to unravel, I was definitely curious about the direction they were pulling us towards. So there’s that, even though nothing can ever top S1 in my heart and that’s cause s3 suffer from the very same thing that made s2 so difficult to digest for me the first time around: tone inconsistency.

I want to make a huge disclaimer before I continue and that is: this is obviously an opinion I formed thinking about the show with a critical approach like I do with everything I enjoy, I like to think and talk about it “seriously” and then putting those thoughts into perspective if the context of said piece of media requires it. So don’t think I don’t know why the writers have chosen to give the show a lighter feel, a more nonsensical vibe etc. I’m not trying to over dramatize anything here, this is just something I really care about and I find it engaging and entertaining to talk about it with other people more in depth. ♡ At the end of the day, it is just a show about wacky interdimensional stuff.

THE CONS

With that out of the way I can surely tell you the one thing I disliked completely was Luther’s treatment and writing which I have already addressed in this ask but to reiterate I personally find the way they jumped from one characterization to the other incredibly jarring. This is not to say he can’t be the fun, affectionate one, I love that about him, love how it can be read as a deconstruction of the persona Reginald forced him to be to keep him complacent (stern, hyper responsible, detached) BUT it’s all taken to an extreme with him. Like they didn’t know what to do with his character after S1 so they decided to dumb him down, give him all the comedy gimmick, never again explain his train of thoughts and just leave it at that.

To add salt to the injury they immediately threw him in one of my most hated trope: romance at first sight. This is totally a me problem, I want everyone to know I acknowledge this but it’s a huge mood killer for me. I can uphold my suspension of disbelief for eldritch tentacles and time travelling teenagers but I draw the line at ‘I was moping and whining about my sister having married another man two hours ago but now everything I do or say will be for the sake of this random alternative dimension woman I just met in my old living room’. I’m sorry but no, it immediately antagonizes the characters for me, you do this and I can assure I’ll have to work twice as hard to even try to care about them in the slightest and it honestly sucks because I don’t think him and Sloane aren’t cute or don’t work in general. I just wish we could have seen at least SOME build up to it? One shred of her personality that didn’t involve her very sudden immortal love for Luther? It shined through in glimpses here and there but it still felt forced. That fact that he suddenly discards his family and even says her name as he dies, I mean c’mon. You have to SHOW me changes in your characters, you can’t just TELL me it’s there, this is the kind of writing that gets on my nerve. Especially because it wouldn’t have taken a genius to write it a little bit more consistently and still making it work. They had to finally separate Luther and Allison, which is more than fine (even tho I wish it wouldn’t translate in ‘they never interact normally again’), Luther needed to gain a new purpose, a sense of independence after being let down by his dad for one last time in s2 and having come to terms with his disillusionment and isolation. I’m really not a fan of implying he finds all this in a romance instead of building the characters separately and then maybe having the romantic relationship has a bonus, it would have felt 10x more natural and there wasn’t any reason to sacrifice their sense of self. The show made a point (S1) in characterizing the Hargreeves as people who have super powers but incredibly real, overwhelming, gritty and relatable problems. This entire storyline felt so disconnected from that kind of vision, I simply couldn’t get behind it.

A similar thing, in a less messy form, happened to Diego. Don’t get me wrong, I know they take care to insert bits and pieces of siblings interactions here and there but I’m starting to notice how they really struggle in actually managing their dynamics in a consistent, diversified way. Diego was basically isolated from his family all season. Not narratively speaking, it’s just that they always had him spend all his time with Lila and Stanley. Y’all, Lila gets to spend time on her own with Five and Diego don’t. He is just suddenly in dad mode and that’s it. He doesn’t have one single 1vs1 meaningful interaction with anyone else (brawl scene with Allison notwithstanding, that one I liked very much). Where with meaningful I mean somehow serious and/or relevant to the plot. This is the same character that gave us an incredible insight about him AND the others through his dialogues with Klaus (I have the sneaky suspicion they completely separated them in s2 cause of all the shipping but I’m still mourning them), Luther, Five and even Viktor. If you really think about it, we understand what life in the Academy was like at first through Diego’s eyes. I was honestly sad to see him kinda estranged now, they exacerbated his ‘slice now, ask questions later’ side and called it a day. Again, I know I’m generalizing on some things, he had some cute exchanges but in the grand scheme of things they just fell short to my eyes. Yeah, he had tears in his eyes when Klaus died but still they decided to write the scene like a gag and make it about him and Stan. As usual the new characters can only be developed at the expenses of the ones we already love and that’s why I find it so hard to grow attached. Anyway, my feelings about this are also totally biased and I know this, I never could grow fond of his relationship with Lila (I have an incredible resistance against putting female characters in all these little boxes right away: girlfriend, wife, mother, you have to fall in love immediately or we don’t know what to do with you, oh here you go then be plagued with thoughts and anguishes about your value as a woman once you get pregnant etc.) plus the ‘style’ of their dynamic is really not my cup of tea (constant teasing, manipulations and such) and that’s just about different taste in media tropes so yeah. I’m indifferent about them now, I like both as single characters and I guess I’m just feeling stressed about their story possibly being only about parenthood from now on. Again, totally makes sense for Diego, with all his internalized daddy issues, his sense of insecurity and his overcompensation, I’m glad they feel secure in their relationship and everything but god I wish the writing was different and didn’t hyperfocus on a single dynamic leaving out everything else. Also why did we see him grow into his powers, deviating bullets and such in S2 and this time around he barely touches his knives?

I’m gonna try and speed up from here about the other things that left me kinda eh: there are several plot holes I think? That break up the immersion for me. Like, this is a genuine question if anyone else want to pitch in but isn’t Reginald’s plan basically a retcon to S1? If he always knew about Obsidian and the sigil (and it’s implied that he did since he very conveniently adopted seven children for seven stars/bells in every timeline) and he specifically sent Luther to the moon to guard Abigail (personally preferred the version where it was ACTUALLY meaningless, ‘cause it was such a pivotal point for Luther’s development ugh), why the hell did he kill himself in S1? So the siblings could get together and save the world, that’s what we are told. But if they really had succeeded then what? He was dead, how did he think to put everything in motion then? He says something to Klaus about him expecting his son to summon his spirit and then we’re told in the same breath he purposefully raised them to fear their powers so how did he expect that to work? It could have been his plan all along, you say, the timelines, the dimensions… how? How could have he known that Five would be back? That Klaus would throw the journal into the trash? That Leonard existed and would have found it, that his plan to manipulate Viktor would work, that reconciliation among the siblings would be shaky at best, that they would end up in the 60s, in the same city where he lived years before they were born etc. they are just too many variables. Maybe he was not really dead? No! Klaus finds him in the afterlife so???? I have many questions about that, I hope they’re gonna go over it in s4 at this point.

I’m incredibly sorry to say, I still don’t care about the Sparrows. (picture me saying this like the “You know what I'm about to say it I don't care that you broke your elbow” kid) It was inevitable, there were just TOO many characters and the writers have proven times and times again that they struggle with balancing too many characterizations at once, something had to give. As a concept, they were incredibly interesting but the first three episodes, where it seemed like the main point of focus would have been their conflict felt so weird simply because it was based on something too silly like trespassing (as they put it, they didn’t manage to convey the real reasons very well). Zero depth there about their real motivations, the relationships they shared etc. We vaguely understand they weren’t really close from what Sloane tells Ben but then again, they talk about avenging their siblings in a scene and don’t care in the next, I don’t know everything about them felt strange, like they really were just some placeholder npcs that were never intended to take up much space. So I honestly felt nothing when Jayme and Alphonso died, don’t honestly understand why they wouldn’t tell us ANYTHING about Christopher, was he supposed to be some kind of comedy relief? If so I’m completely off that target audience. Fei and Ben were the only ones that kept me going in those few initial episodes, their dynamic was interesting and kept the tone of the series a little more serious which was what I personally needed. I’m disappointed they took Marcus out in less than an episode, those crumbs we got about his personality and the possible interactions with Viktor and the others were interesting. Also it’s totally not my place to say, but it didn’t really feel right to yeeet another black character this way.

With Sloane, as I was saying it was really just about wasted potential. I look forward to know her better (I know they aren’t gonna get rid of her so easily) but damn if I wish it wasn’t framed by the romance arc. Her powers are super cool? She’s obviously incredibly smart as we gathered from that 3 lines exchange she has with Five as they try to trap the Blitz. She’s very sweet, I liked how she was so open to know every Umbrella better if given the chance and Genesis’ performance was really good! So fingers crossed.

Ben’s everything felt like a huge scam ngl. I had the distinct impression they had cut a lot of content about him, like the Jennifer storyline. Everything about his character was, once again, told to us instead of shown. Kinda like a grocery list, you know? So yeah, he’s jealous, he’s resentful, he was once number one than he wasn’t anymore, anything else? He had his moments for sure and I understand the direction they wanted to take with him, I just think it would have benefitted from more careful writing. As a rule of thumb, I always prefer to see less stuff happening if that means it’s going to be written better instead of a thousand shallow plotlines.

Still not over the fact that they didn’t truly take their time to explore what it meant for everyone and especially Klaus to see him again. Luther, Diego, Allison and Viktor mourned him when they were sixteen. Five didn’t see him for forty-five years just to be told he died without being offered a real explanation. Klaus mourned him twice without having said goodbye and he was the sibling who knew him better than everyone else. Did you notice how everyone described Ben this season? He was the best of us, so sweet, so soft, so timid, so good. That’s what they remember from their childhood. Klaus tells Sparrow!Ben his brother was a dark cloud, he was annoying, he was relentless, he was a scold but he was THEIRS and they all loved him, Klaus loved him for it. Their bond was tried times and times again by the life they both had to lead from childhood to adulthood and it was strained in the end but it was also real and very deep. Episode 8 does a good job at making us see what really is going on inside their heads and how Sparrow!Ben is actually feeling the weight of the comparison. It was worth expanding imo, with Klaus especially being allowed to grieve.

The last real con I want to address is of course the elephant in the room which I kept for last cause in my opinion it’s exactly the monster child of this whole inconsistent writing: Allison and Luther’s scene. I won’t insult anyone’s intelligence by reiterating the fact that the act itself was horrible and not something anyone should ever condone but I think the real problem here is what they decided to do after. That scene was meant to show us viewers how desperate and how low Allison had fallen into her grief. It feels incredibly wrong to say but narratively speaking it could have made sense, it was indeed a very shocking, very intense scene. Emmy and Tom both did great in conveying how terribly wrong everything felt in that moment, how the actions of the characters were being portrait in a negative light which is obviously the intent here. I do not agree with never showing bad things on any media because these are things that happen every day and they tell a story. Allison’s struggle has always been about her relationship with her powers and validation, this is not all there is about her but it’s part of her identity as a character. While I am glad they framed the situation as wrong and that she stops shortly after in realization, what I do not agree with is how after that the writers basically never address it again. What’s the point of showing such a scene if you aren’t ready to write the aftermath with the same dedication and careful attention? If they knew it had to be that way then it would have been better not to put it in the show at all. Cause it wasn’t vital to Allison’s breakdown but could have had an important connotation for both her and Luther (how often do we see men portraited as the victims?). All they left us with instead is a half-assed message of ‘it wasn’t a big deal, you see?’ and that’s wrong cause it's a huge disservice especially to Allison’s character which is actually one of my favorite and represents something even more important for many of the viewers.

THE PROS

Whew, that was heavy. I’m sure I didn’t even touch all the points I wanted to address but honestly, we all need a little more positivity right now so onto what I liked instead! I’m at 2777 words, I’m gonna try to summarize for real this time oh my god.

Compared to S2 the siblings spent more time together actually talking and communicating. Not enough to avoid the usual trope of ‘sibling x disappears and not one notices’ and/or ‘I’m not actually gonna pay attention to anything you said’ that’s getting on my nerves lately ngl. But at least we had some more quality time among them and a good understanding of how closer they all got in the last few weeks.

Viktor’s coming out was handled in a very sweet, tender way. From what I read trans viewers appreciated it too and I think that’s really important. Absolutely loved the easy affection and immediate understanding from everyone else, it didn’t feel forced or anything, just personal enough to make it very soft and believable. On that note, it was a joy to see how Elliot’s and by proxy Viktor’s confidence skyrocketed after he was finally able to act in a body that felt more like his. His smiles were so contagious and I loved to see him so assertive and involved this season. His relationship with Allison is one of the most complex of the entire show and it made sense they focused on that to tell part of S3’s story but I look forward to see him interact with his brothers more in the future.

With the exception of what we have already addressed, Allison’s path was the most engaging to watch. Emmy was outstanding this season, I’m so glad she got her moment to shine because she’s a terrific actress and what happened to her character this season was something worth telling. Allison’s rage was a long time coming so it didn’t surprise me they chose that route, in this case even tho we don’t really know much about Claire and Ray (who’s still my fave extra character from s2, the only one I grew attached to) her motivations don’t feel forced or out of place because what’s matter is what we saw through her eyes. We just need to know how important they are, especially Claire, for her and that’s something that’s been consistent since S1. I related to her anger this season, grief is not all about sadness and withdrawal, it’s even more often about fury. And considering how she’s right about the others trying to minimize her anguish because it’s been 30 years and they’re still learning how to really exit survival mode where all it matters it’s your own well-being, her downward spiral makes total sense. Anger is a protective emotion but it swallows everything else more often than not, in her case it took away her inhibitions regarding her powers and the moral courtesies she usually extended to others and now felt weren’t really reciprocated. It was sad and intense to see her grow apart from everyone else but I’m curious to see what the reckoning is going to be.

Klaus and Five were part of why I liked this season way more than S2. I’m biased since they’re both my faves but I was just so glad to see them interact more in a less snippy way. This season addressed Five’s conundrum from a different perspective: he has lived all his life with the weight of something massive like the end of the world on his shoulders and he never had time to fill his head or his heart with anything else except this impeding sense of doom and responsibility. But he is tired and just like Luther, he is disillusioned because the universe seems intent in proving him wrong, in ending just the same no matter what he sacrifices to prevent it. It was very telling to see how this knowledge (that there wasn’t anything else he could do) liberated him instead of putting him down. He was finally able to soften his cutting edges, get to know those siblings he fought so hard to save better, let himself be known, indulge in the little things. To Five, trust is everything and he never trusted anyone, we are repeatedly shown this. Now he finally let himself lean on the people who know him and care for him and didn’t find them lacking. Confiding in Klaus, talking honestly with Viktor, being open to work with Lila, genuinely caring about what Luther wanted to do before dying, sharing an easy camaraderie with Diego, noticing what was wrong with Allison. He was so attuned to the human aspect of it all and that’s what, in the end made him choose to jump on the star against every instinct he had had up until that moment. Reginald keeps insisting on their similarities and it’s true, they’re similar in intellect, motives, methods but there are lines Five will never cross time and time again cause he’s willing to learn and part of him won’t lose that hope that kept him alive all those years in the apocalypse. His biggest vulnerability transforms into his biggest strength every single time and that’s something Reggie can’t take from him. Ps: loved his scenes with Lila, they’re really fun together and it’s interesting to see how their past in the Commission gives them this very peculiar vibe that only they share, their own rhythm. That said I would have loved to see him interact more with Ben and maybe it would have made more sense that at least part of Klaus’ storyline with Reginald would have been Five’s instead.

Last but not least, Klaus. You all know I could talk forever about him but that also means I probably already said everything I wanted to say in my various gifsets. I was afraid they would use him to completely redeem Reginald to our eyes and that didn’t really happen so I’m glad. I have to say, I kinda gaslight myself into finding a plausible reason why Reginald chose him to infiltrate the family since the show didn’t really bother with telling us. First of all, there’s the empathic aspect to consider. Klaus is one of the most, if not the most empathic sibling among the seven of them. It all gets mixed up with is erratic behavior but we are shown time and time again how much he cares. And that’s usually also his downfall because people tend to either abuse or distrust this part of his personality. What he lived through as a child and the instability that kept characterizing his years on the streets and his addiction made him maybe more fragile to emotional manipulation because he never really had anything to himself that wasn’t taken away violently afterwards. The number of interpersonal relationships he manages to maintain in the present are all dependent on his input for now because people don’t really seek him out. So for him, the possibility of rewriting part of his past with his dad, the most traumatizing figure in his life, was incredibly tempting and I get that. I don’t actually think he would have just stood there and got himself killed in that horrible way time and time again but I guess it was for plot and comedy (sigh) reasons. I appreciated seeing him grow into his powers, him remembering what really happened in that mausoleum but I have to say it was maybe more Robert and Colm’s performances that brought that intensity to life because like with everything else about Klaus, the writers have this habit of letting heavy important shit just slide, with every other character always underreacting or not caring at all. It was also all very short lived since everyone lost their powers now, hopefully not permanently because what the fuck. I’m just ? about why Reggie decided to leave him to die if he knew he needed the kids to activate the sigil (without Klaus he would have sacrificed Allison instead and that’s ic but the more the better, in theory?) maybe he was just afraid Luther’s ghost would manifest and tell him what really happened? I don’t know, it was heartbreaking to see (yet another betrayal from someone Klaus had grown to trust) but also a little bit thrown out there. The realization he comes to aka him not belonging to the living world, not deserving to live even because of his mistakes and the life he led was absolutely crushing, they immediately had to ruin it yet again with the funny lines but one day I will have my revenge and I hope he can have a real heart to heart with his siblings where they ALL listen to each other.

Okay I’m surely forgetting something (Reginald is an incredible character and even tho they keep tweaking him like they do everyone else, Colm manages to keeps a consistency to him that makes him absolutely compelling, just like Aidan does with Five. Very appreciated) but this is already impossibly long and impossibly messy probably.

To summarize, it is clear that S1 will never be topped, it was the perfect balance of serious topics treated seriously and light intervals of fun. But they had years to write it properly, now with Netflix it’s all about speed and the general public. To me, this will forever feel like a loss but I can only hope we’ll still get to enjoy the show overall like I did with this season in the end and maybe take it a little less seriously that I do.

[indigoh4ze]

party || rafe cameron

warning- SMUT // vaginal fingering, eating out, vaginal penetration, mentions of intoxication

rafe cameron x fem!reader

a/n- so this is my first time writing for outer banks, im terrible at writing actual interactions so im sorry its so bad at first lmao. also disclaimer: rafe in this fic is nothing like he is canon, so his characterization is off. enjoy :)

also feel free to request for any outer banks characters i write for

turn on notifs here - @slvt4fakerealities-library - to be notified when i post a new fic

join taglist (add yourself to the outer banks section)

the lights were blazing, different colors zapping throughout the room as you made your way over to the couch. your head was slightly fuzzy from the intoxication, but you managed.

since the couch was empty, you took the chance to sprawl your whole body out on it, head on one arm and feet dangling off the other. you watched as everyone danced and made out and filled their bodies with even more toxins. soon, you found yourself just dazing up at the ceiling, lips opening and closing slightly as you lip-synced in a whispering tone to the loud music.

after what felt like hours, but could’ve only been a few minutes, you felt something nudge your thigh. without moving your neck, you let your eyes flash down to find the source of the movement.

hovering over you was rafe cameron. his dirty blonde hair framed his face messily, a single cross earring dangling from his left ear, a red solo cup in his hand as his free hand poked at your thigh.

“what?” you slurred, now moving up on your elbows and blinking back the haziness.

“i wanna sit,” he said, taking a sip from the cup. even in this state it wasn’t hard to notice how good the boy looked, tilting his head back and gulping down the liquid, eyes never leaving your own.

you groaned, pulling your knees to your chest and allowing rafe to throw himself onto the cushion. you were now facing his side, as his hands gripped your legs and pulled them back to their original position, except now they laid over his leg. giving him a curious look, you laid the side of your face on the back cushion and fidgeted with the bracelet around your wrist.

“shouldn’t you be like- getting shit faced or something.” rafe snickered at your words, sending you a glare before looking back down to his cup, which he was also mindlessly playing with.

“sorry, did i interrupt your little..nap?” he teased with a hint of amusement, referring to the previous state you were in, and you scoffed in return, mind clearing a bit more and making room for annoyance.

“whatever.” and then, you were pulling your legs off him and standing up, albeit wobbly as you almost fell to the side, caught by rafe’s firm grip around your arm.

“you good?”

“‘m fine,” you dismissed the boy, confused as to why he was even talking to you in the first place.

the truth was, you never liked him, he was rude and careless and selfish and way too much to put up with. but you couldn’t deny the attraction you felt towards the boy, and the tension that was always evident when the two of you were together.

but you always just pushed those thoughts aside, because even the thought of anything happening made your mind whirl with a plethora of emotions, not good ones by any means.

but then, you also couldn’t deny the recurring fantasies of things that could happen. could but wont, because he’s rafe cameron, and not even you’re desperate enough to be one of his bitches.

“hey?” a light tug of your arm pulled you back to the present, and you turned to see rafe at your side, cup forgotten as one of his hands molded around your waist and the other wrapped around your bicep to steady you.

“i’m really fine-.” you pulled away from him, and right as you did so, you felt someone back up on you, pushing you towards rafe and into his chest as a cold liquid spread from the lower half of your head and down your back.

you gasped in surprise, suddenly awake and alert as you sharply turned to see a boy standing there, cup tilted and empty as all its contents spilt on your back. he mumbled a quick apology, then took off laughing with his friends about something they said that probably wasn’t even funny.

“you sure about that?” rafe inquired, eyebrow raised in amusement as you stepped away from him, this time more cautiously. “c’mon, we’ll clean you up.”

although you wanted to say no and tell him to fuck off because you could handle it yourself, you were too exhausted from the long night to put up much protest other than a dramatic groan. then, you nodded, and rafe led you away from the crowd of people with a tug of your wrist.

—//—

now, you found yourself in a bedroom, rafes bedroom, waiting expectantly as you stood in front of the boy.

“what now?” you ask, palming your eyes and yawning, looking back at rafe with glossy eyes now, which were sending waves of tingles through the boys stomach.

“take a shower,” he implied, as if it was obvious. you scrunched your brows as he pointed to the bathroom on the other side of the room.

“i don’t have any spare clothes.”

“i’ll find you something to wear,” rafe shrugged, “go on,” he urged you to the bathroom, and you followed obediently, not having it in you to put up any sort of fight or ask questions.

“i’ll be right back,” rafe said from the room as you closed the bathroom door, only to hear the door to the bedroom close as well, meaning rafe left.

your mind was filled with the thought that he just ditched you, which was a possibility, but you ignored that thought and slipped your shirt over your head. once all the articles of clothing were thrown onto the cold tile floor, along with your shoes which sat messily in the corner, you lift a foot into the tub, stepping in.

immediately, you played with the oddly fancy knobs and managed to turn them on, warm water rushing through the shower head as your tilted your head back into it. the odd colored drink washed away from your hair, falling onto the floor of the tub and down the drain smoothly. you searched for soap, quickly cleaning up and scrubbing your hair twice for good measure. the smell of the soap reminded you of rafe, not surprising considering it was literally his own soap, you told yourself, annoyed by your current thoughts.

the feeling of the slightly cold water hitting your skin was enough to wake you up fully, but you were too lost in the blissful feeling of the water to pay much attention to your surroundings.

that was until you heard the door to the bathroom open, and you peaked your head through the curtain to find rafe, setting a towel on the counter, along with a shirt and a pair of shorts.

“who’s are those?” you questioned, making rafe jump as he realized you were watching him.

“sarah, i just took some from her,” he shrugged, and now you were even more confused.

first, he started talking to you randomly. then he’s helping you stand. then he’s taking you to his room..so you can shower. then he’s getting clothes for you to wear? how much did you have to drink? you started to ask yourself, questioning if this was all you just being wasted.

but it wasn’t, you felt pretty much fine. so there had to be something you were missing.

“just hurry up and change, i’ll be in the other room.” without another glance towards you, rafe left the bathroom, leaving you standing there, wet hair dripping forward from the way you had tilted your head to peek through. you went back to getting the soap out of your hair, rushing a bit more now.

meanwhile, rafe was in his room, just outside the bathroom, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. what the fuck am i doing? was his only thought.

he was honestly just confused as you were. it started when he saw you laying on the couch, mouth agape as your eyes sketched shapes on the ceiling. you just being there was tempting enough, but after that he just had to make his way over to you.

the two of you hadn’t had many conversations in the past, at least no genuine ones. most were just bickering, to be honest. but, just as you thought, the tension was undeniable. the feelings weren’t one sided, that was for sure.

when he caught you from falling over, you had leaned into his warmth and something almost turned in his stomach, which was quite nauseating on his side. it was annoying how fucking worked up he got around you. his mind would spin with options of what to do with you. did he want to just kiss you, fuck you or annoy you to death? he had no idea, but it was overwhelming, to say the least.

so when he invited you to his room to clean up, he wasn’t really thinking about it, because everything was happening at once. he even searched his sisters room for goddamn clothes for you.

interrupting his inner monologue, a door opened and out came your figure, except you weren’t wearing the clothes he had given you. no, you were just in your towel, actually. your skin looked slightly damp still, but your hair had been fluffed out and dried a bit from the towel.

“what are you- where are the clothes i gave you?” rafe asked, standing hesitatingly.

“dunno, wasn’t my style i guess,” you shrugged, looking around his room casually, taking in the very rafe feel it gave.

rafe just scoffed, messing his hair up and stepping closer. “well, you can’t really go out in a towel now, can you?”

this reminded you that there was still a party going on, although it was muffled and a bit quieter as people began to call it a night.

“then i won’t go out.” you stepped closer, looking up at rafe with an expression of uncertainty, trying to identify the look behind his eyes, figure out what the fuck he was up to. but you saw nothing. if anything, there were just a bit of nervousness hidden there.

“and what exactly do you plan on doing, then? since your obviously so wise.” now his guarded demeanor was back up, though he had taken a step closer so your heavy breaths were hitting each other perfectly, hands close to grazing one another’s.

“i don’t know.” then, another reminder flashed in your mind, and you looked back at rafe, “wait, why are you even here? isn’t this like- your party?”

“well, technically topper wanted a party, i wanted to go to bed and sleep for a year.” you chucked at this, figuring he had already gotten fucked up today and didn’t feel like another party. then, taking a risk, you leaned in just a bit, and rafe didn’t pull back. actually, he pushed forward, bringing his large hands to wheel around your waist, setting fire through your veins.

it was as if both of you snapped at the same time, first eyeing each others lips, then pushing forward and taking said lips between your own. the kiss was hungry and long waited, immense relief flushing through you, which took you both by surprise.

not even a few minutes of this passed by before rafe was tugging at the towel, still clinging around your naked body, droplets of water probably wetting his floor.

before letting the fabric reveal your body, rafe looked at you, pulling away for a moment and looking over your features, silently asking permission. a quick nod was all it took for the material to be ripped off and throw to the side, rafe spinning you both around until the backs of your knees hit the bed and you fell back onto the mattress.

rafe looked over you with a smirk, eyes skimming over each and every detail of your body as if savoring it. a lick of his lips was all it took for your thighs to rub together, anticipation becoming too much as you waited for him.

this obviously pissed him off, because now his hands were tearing your legs apart, exposing your bare cunt inch by inch. “don’t even try to cover this up, got it?”

his voice was demanding, and luring, enough to make you nod, eyes softening in obedience, resulting in a snicker from rafe.

he leaned back in, delving down to leave kisses along your collar bone and suck on the flesh until bruises built against your skin, making you whimper and grab his dirty blond tressed with your fingers.

the sound of your whimpers made rafe go crazy, but he tamed the need inside him long enough to work his way down your stomach, placing teasing kisses down your inner thighs, but not once touching the spot you needed the most attention in.

“please, rafe,” you pleaded, not sure where it came from but gong with it once you saw the way he looked up at you, lust blown eyes and parted lips, waiting to be against your cunt.

“please what, hm? tell me what you want me to do, baby,” rafe cooed, fingers clenching around the inside of your thighs so he could push them apart and kiss your inner thighs, resulting in your back arching and hips begging upwards.

“n-need your mouth.” your face blushed with embarrassment of having to speak the words, but rafe just tsked, one hand moving upwards as he used his thumb to draw circles around your cunt, only passing your folds, earning a cry from you.

“i need more than that, doll.”

“fuck! please, j-just need your mouth on me, rafe, need to feel your mouth on my pussy, please!”

it seems that was acceptable for rafe, his thumb pausing just above your clit, then dragging down, finally grazing over the sensitive bud and stimulating it perfectly. your hips jerked at the sensation, but you grew accustomed to the feeling once he began working in small circles.

soon, his mouth was on your cunt, tracing paths over your folds and rubbing at the nub with a flat tongue, constantly sending shivers through you as you moaned with pleasure. his hands stayed at your side, ring clad finger’s cold against your flesh as his tongue dug inside you and began fucking your hole with no remorse.

the shapes and letters his warm tongue carved into you were almost too much, and when you reached down to rake your fingers through his hair, you fought the urge to push his head down and allow him to bury himself completely between your thighs.

“f-fuck! rafe, oh god, feels so good,” you sobbed, voice becoming louder as he hummed into you, a smirk on his lips, no doubt, from seeing you fall apart for him.

rafe pulled away within a second, licking his lip and keeping his eyes on your cunt, calculating his next move. you watched as he did so, suddenly feeling exposed as he raked his eyes over the slick coating your folds and your clit throbbing painfully through them. you squirmed at the emptiness, about to squeeze your thighs together, but you were too late as rafe brought a hand up, middle and forefinger pushing through your folds and embedding themselves within your walls.

a loud gasp escaped your lips as he did so, and you bit down painfully on the cushion of them as his fingers pumped in and out of you with nonstop speed. rafe looked up at you, his own lips parted beautifully as he watched moans flow easily out of your mouth.

“you like that, baby?” came his husky voice, only intensifying your already great pleasure that ran through your body. you nodded at his inquiry, not able to form coherent thoughts under his gaze. and that was when his fingers made a hook and pressed against your most sensitive part, making you squirm.

his smirk became bigger, and his fingers fucked you harder, a desperate attempt to ruin you right there. then he was leaning down, still pumping his fingers, and began to lick your clit with fervor, flicking the bud and sucking without resistance until your thighs were clenching around his head and you were a complete moaning mess.

“oh fuck- i’m g-gonna come rafe, pleaseplease,” you begged pathetically, having no time to be embarrassed as he hummed, nodding his head while still sucking on your clit, and permitted you to let go.

the orgasm took over in a huge wave, which came surprisingly fast, and the only thing on your mind was the bubbling in your stomach that was finally freed. moans and gasps fell from your lips as you wet his tongue and fingers, and rafe didn’t let a drop go to waste as he lapped up your slick, helping to prolong your orgasm.

hands reaching for his hair in dazed motions, eyes closed and lips parted, you mumbled, “t-too much, rafe,” which was the boys que to give you a final kiss on your clit, then remove his head and fingers from your cunt.

now, rafe stared up at you, swiping a ring clad thumb over his bottom lip, which was glistening with your arousal. his thumb then moved to enter your mouth, and you dutifully took in the digit, sucking with starry eyes, and whimpering when he removed it from your grasp.

rafe rose to his full height, still in his shirt and pants, which were no doubt keeping his hard dick from standing tall. suddenly, you felt that flush arise to your cheeks from your being nude, and you bit your lip and reached a hand out to grapple at his shirt. he took this as a sign to pull the material over his head, then going in for his buckle as well. the sound of the metal clinking as he loosened it from its straps was enough to send you into a spiral of anticipation, eyeing his clothed prick impatiently.

rafe had that smirk plastered to his face still, throwing his belt aside and then his pants, making sure not to go too fast as he tormented you.

you let out a whine as he hooked his fingers around his boxers, not pulling them down fully but revealing his v line. “rafe,” you pouted, and he decided to be nice and let them fall down, now unclothed as he kicked off his shoes and settled ontop of you, marking your chest and neck immediately.

sighing with content, you held him close and let his lips suck on your flesh, until the arousal was too much and he began to grind against you, slowly. your cunt was already becoming slick again as he rubbed against your thigh.

rafe lift himself up to his knees, pumping his cock, the point of his tongue poking out from the side of his mouth in concentration. the image of your breasts on display for him, and your lips parted and chest thumping was enough to make the boy cum on the spot.

he raised a brow at you, making sure you were still okay, and once getting a quick nod, he pressed the head of his cock against your folds. in the next second, he was thrusting into you, earning a loud gasp from you, which he covered with a hand on your mouth.

“shh, ‘m gonna fuck you good, okay? just lay there and look pretty,” he teased, but you nodded, wanting nothing more than to do as he said.

the thrusts started out mild, but soon quickened tempo, hips stuttering against yours as he wrapped a hand around your leg and pulled it over his shoulder. this allowed a better angle, and you moaned with him as he repeatedly pounded into your already sensitive cunt.

you slid a hand down your bouncing breasts and stomach, then to your throbbing clit, soothing it with your gentle fingers before rafe slapped them away, as if saying “mine.”

his own hand went around your propped up leg to thumb at your clit, whilst the other made a path over your hips and breasts, fondling with the mound of flesh and pinching your nipple.

the overstimulation was rushing through you violently, his thrusts becoming sloppy, orgasm at the brink. you watched his head fly back, eyes rolling and mouth a gape, hypnotized by how pretty he looked even when he was fucking you.

“rafe,” you repeatedly mumbled, forming no other words in your clouded mind.

“hm? does it feel good? d’you like the way i fuck you, pretty girl?”

“y-yeah, so good,” you hummed, your own head rolling back onto the pillow, hips thrusting up to meet his and satisfy the hunger that once again boiled in your core.

“i’m gonna cum on your tits, are you gonna be good for me?” he said just as your orgasm was about to wash you away, and you nodded fast, once again wanting to be the best you could for him.

then, you came, waves of pleasure splashing through you before he pulled out, still thumbing your sensitive bundle of nerves, using his free hand to fist his cock which hovered over your breasts.

you held your tits in two shaky hands, squeezing them together and massaging them while rafe came, painting your breasts and stomach until he had milked out every last drop he could. he mumbled yes’s and fuck’s, along with your name until his high died down.

breathing harshly, you set ur sight to the ceiling, deep intakes of air causing the ends of rafe’s lips to turn upwards slightly. he leaned down to place one last kiss on your flushed cheek before letting himself fall onto the mattress beside you.

“let’s clean you up,” rafe said, turning to look at you, “the party’s not over yet.”

uhhhh yeah idk how i feel ab this i hope it wasn't terrible ig. reblogs appreciated :)

@o-rion-sta-r @saggyb1lls @rylynn-m @dobbysockcollection @arcaneslut @arianagreyy @el-imaskingforyourlefthand

[xion92]

TMMN: Masaya/Ichigo relationship analysis, episode 10

I’ve already said it but I repeat it: how I’m loving this series for how it’s writing Masaya’s character. Whenever they change something from the manga they replace it with something better. Above all I love how in this episode his passion for Ichigo is starting to manifest, but let's go in order.

First of all, I really appreciated that now things between them have gone so far that the fact of having a date is now something usual and obvious for them, in fact in this episode they are together out of school. This unlike the manga, in which the two of them were together on this occasion only because the Mew Mew had dragged Ichigo in front of his house, but she tried to avoid it because she didn't want to get excited in his presence. Here, however, as we have seen in previous episodes, their relationship is very spontaneus and natural, and they try to be together whenever they can. Did he ask her out or did she ask him? It doesn't matter, what matters is that the only thing this couple needs to become an official pairing is an explicit statement. We learn from the first scene that their date is the following evening, and the fact that Ichigo remarks that she mustn’t be late makes us understand that she indeed will be late. 😂 Well, that's the scene we're all waiting for, after all. And unfortunately we don't know if there will be in this season, but let's hope for the best.

On the analysis of this episode, I think it’s necessary to dedicate some time to the first scene. This is the long-awaited scene in which Masaya and Ryo meet for the first time. If you compare it with the analogous scene of the manga, you can see that it’s a bit different, especially in Masaya's reaction. I needed to watch this scene a few times to fully understand it, because I admit, at first I didn't understand it and it seemed to me that it was just the same scene from the manga but watered down for who knows what reason. Well, if you look at this scene from the anime trying to force the one from the manga into it, it’s clear that there are things that do not add up. But if you look at it with a clear mind without thinking about the manga, its meaning becomes clear, and I finally understand how it was transformed in its writing and what the anime version means.

First, we must keep in mind that Masaya from the manga and the anime are two quite distinct characters, as far as characterization is concerned. In the manga, Masaya is a very closed, serious character, with a rather expressionless look, just as his attitudes are inexpressive. At this point in the story, he is a character who hasn't appeared a lot and his behaviors are quite detached, only to come out with exaggerated and very troubled attitudes, as happens in this scene.

Masaya of the anime instead is a very different character, he is closed and serious only at the beginning, but then he evolves: expressive, who manifests his problems, and who has many flaws, but with him a characteristic remains constant, that is the sweetness and intense love for Ichigo, while in the manga, at least at this point in the story, it was barely visible.

Already once, in episode 3, it was therefore necessary to rewrite a similar scene. In the manga, the scene where Masaya and Ichigo find themselves at the zoo is… creepy? He gets angry with her, stays angry with her for a long time, and soon after, without apologizing, he gives her the bell. In the anime, however, he immediately apologizes for his behaviour and tries to make her understand that he doesn't know why he’s experiencing those feelings. He then gives her the bell, but the sensations that reach the viewer are different, the scene has an air of sweetness and tenderness that the manga doesn’t have. So Masaya's character and his relationship with Ichigo take a completely different path.

Here the same happens: in the manga, in this scene Masaya has a very strong reaction that has nothing sweet, but instead he shows a strong jealousy and possession. It is a characterization that fits in the context of the manga, but in the anime, with all the development and additional scenes that the character has had up to now, it would have sent him completely OOC, terribly clashing with what he had been up to now. In the manga he is gloomy, and when he holds Ichigo so tightly from behind and says that phrase to her, his gesture is not loving, but only possessive. After episode 7, and especially after episode 9, it would absolutely not be possible for him to behave like this. Try watching again the endings of episode 7, where he looks at Ichigo blushing and with sparkling eyes (when he hadn't had the slightest reaction in the manga), and episode 9, in which he has a look so sweet and in love, and then try to imagine the manga scene right after. Do you understand that it does not fit? That the manga Masaya and anime Masaya are not the same character?

A partial rewriting of the scene was therefore necessary without letting it losing its essence, and indeed the rewriting gives it an even stronger meaning. First, notice how Ryo here basically insults Ichigo, which she didn't do in the manga. This causes Masaya's reaction not to be pure jealousy, but irritation at first, bringing out his protective side towards Ichigo. And he clearly shows this state of mind: he puts his hand on Ichigo's shoulder with impetuousness (an added gesture, in the manga he doesn't), he looks at her with a forced and tight smile (we know at this point what his spontaneous smiles are like, and that one definitely isn't), and when he looks at Ryo he gives him a cold look. He shows how much he’s trying to restrain himself. Curiously, Ryo in that scene doesn’t seem jealous at all, on the contrary at the beginning he gives him a smile and doesn't seem to have anything against him, but when Masaya looks at him and greets him in that unfriendly way, clearly Ryo gets annoyed and, probably to provoke him, he acts a bit flirty with Ichigo. Shot of Masaya who sees with bewilderment that Ryo has taken Ichigo's arm (which is not seen in the manga) and, shortly after, he’s seen darkened in the face, grabbing Ichigo's hand trying to drag her in the opposite direction (now this is jealousy). When Ichigo asks him why, again, he apologizes for his behaviour, but he remains thoughtful. So in the anime his reaction is irritation first, and jealousy after. We can clearly see his feelings, but he doesn't understand them, as many at other times. However, when he realizes he’s acting wrong, he admits it and always apologizes, trying to correct himself. Healthy relationship.

At this point there is the different path that the anime takes from the manga, to accord with Masaya's characterization. In the anime, his jealousy of Ichigo is maintained, but from this point on it is channeled into Masaya's obvious desire to become more intimate with her. From his jealousy and desire to protect her it passes to his desire to have her for himself and, consequently, to have more intimate type of contact. Remember that, even if he doesn't know how to give a name to his feelings, at this point in the series, contrary to the manga, he has spent so much time with her and to have with her so many significant moments, that now he feels a very strong love for her (his declaration will take place the next day), and clearly love includes desire, also because the two of them here are fifteen. However, even if he does not know how to identify his feelings about her, he does not reject them, on the contrary, he has now accepted them, and indeed, welcomes them and indulges them. By getting to that point in the relationship, he's starting to want to touch her, hug her and caress her, even though he'd probably been wanting it for a long time, but he'd always held back because he saw that she was uncomfortable when he tried to get close, as she'll say later in the episode (he knows that she is a mew mew, but not that her ears pop out when she gets too excited), and therefore respects her. I can imagine how difficult this is for him. But this meeting with Ryo ignites his desire again and gets to the point where he can't hold himself anymore, and tries to make her understand it in his own way, but in a very sweet way. As in the manga, therefore, he covers her with her jacket, but he doesn't collapse on top of her with that serious expression and does not tighten his arms around her in that exaggeratedly possessive way. He puts his jacket on her in a symbolic embrace (if he had simply wanted to cover her from the rain, he just had to pass the jacket to her), but still smiles at her, a sign that the point of this gesture is not strong jealousy and the fear that Ryo may take her away from him, but the more the desire to get more intimate with her, to touch and caress her, and the gesture of putting the jacket on her is an excuse to be able to get close to her. In fact, he then approaches his body to hers and holds his hands around her in a softer way, without squeezing her tightly, since he knows that if he really hugged her she would probably get away from him, and then he gets even closer to her, whispering her into her ear the same line he says in the manga, but said in that way takes on a different meaning. First of all, in the anime, there is the whole metaphor of the cats behind, that wasn't in the manga: not knowing how to name his feelings about her, Masaya knows that he has a soft spot for cats, so he compares Ichigo to a kitten.

Manga meaning: I wish you were all mine and I don't want to share you with anyone, said in a possessive and exclusive sense. Anime meaning: I would like you to be mine in an intimate sense, I wish you could be always with me. From the way he whispers it, with that expression, that smile now spontaneous and sweet and with closed eyes, you can clearly perceive what he feels, how much he’s in love, and it’s clear that the meaning of the sentence is that. In this scene he emanates a very strong desire. It’s a passionate scene, but also very romantic and sweet, especially in the rain like this. Even the music they chose for this scene is the same romantic music that was at the end of the third episode, a sign, once more, that the intent of the scene is romantic and what he wants to express is love, not possession and nothing more. If they've rendered this so beautifully, I don't dare imagine what they're going to do with their declaration.

Unfortunately, here is the usual problem: these two poor lovers can hardly do anything without an obstacle getting between them. So Ichigo runs away scared because of her ears, which have popped up for her strong emotion, and he remains alone, poor thing. It makes me very sad: he just wants to touch and caress the girl he loves, but her reaction, running away, really makes him feel bad. It can be seen from the long shot, where he’s alone and with his head down. He clearly wonders why she escaped, but I doubt that at this moment, or even after, he has been asking himself questions like “maybe I have exaggerated? So she doesn't love me?" After all, he has yet to understand his feelings, he couldn't ask himself questions like that. By now he has got used to Ichigo disappearing when he doesn’t expect it, and he takes it as a fact, he doesn't ask too many questions. He may have been confusing for a while, but that's it.

I have a strong presentiment that, apart from when Ichigo is a cat and he finds her, they will never meet again until their declaration of love. Maybe I'm wrong, but I really think the manga scene where he picks her up won't be there, at least not in this season. They moved the scene where he protects her from a monster further, so maybe they'll move this too. After the entire episode dedicated to tickets, such a scene no longer makes sense, it would be only a cute scene without anything else. A whole episode dedicated to him, his psychology, his problems and their relationship is much more significant than a scene where he simply picks her up. So even if it’s eliminated, it has been replaced by something better.

Ok, move on!

Second scene in which Masaya appears. Three things to note in this scene: the first is that Masaya is okay, even though in the first scene Ichigo ran away like that. I've talked about this before. I really don't think he's worried, because the authors so far have been very explicit about his feelings, and if we see him calm it means he's really calm. She hasn't contacted him to tell him, for example, that she doesn’t wanto to come to concert date anymore, so he thinks it's nothing and in any case he’ll see her again tomorrow. Yes, because, even if we have to wait weeks, for them the date is the following evening. The second thing to note is that Masaya is completely alone in the house. No comments are made on this, but this is one of the things that will become clear only later. That is, he has a completely absent family and is practically left to himself. Third, even though Tokyo is in danger right now and all the news are reporting it, he doesn't seem to be aware of it. This is also understandable, if people and news started talking about the cocoon when he was returning home and found cat Ichigo, afterwards to stay with her he neither watched TV nor checked the phone, so it’s possible that he didn’t know anything about it.

Afterward, I wouldn’t talk about analysis of their relationship, as their interactions have cat Ichigo and he doesn't know she is (he knows she's a Mew Mew, but not that her ears pop when she's excited she can become a cat). However, Ichigo's rivalry with Masaya's dog is very funny. Well, she may not be a schoolmate... but in the end she has a rival in love! 😂

And in the end, Masaya my boy, you and your wet dreams about Ichigo! 😁 Wonderful that he thinks and dreams of her even while he’s sleeping. Poor thing, just think that in the last interaction with her he was trying to have a more intimate contact and she ran away, how frustrating it must be. At least in his dreams he can be with her and do with her what he wants. She is touched and she realizes once again how much he loves her, in fact she too feels desire for him, it's only that when she is a girl she holds back to not make her ears pop out. But now she’s a cat she can let herself go a little. I’m always very impressed with how tender and sweet their relationship is but at the same time it has passion.

So this episode makes us understand that the love of these two has gone even further and they begin to feel desire for each other, which they can’t satisfy for various reasons. Ichigo wants him, but she keeps away from him because she doesn't want the excitement to make her transform, and he tries to stay away from her because he feels that she wants to be away from him, and therefore he doesn’t force her, even if this is becoming more and more difficult for him, in fact, in this episode he can’t hold himself. However, Ichigo also finds harder and harder to restrain himself, as we can be seen from the fact that she peeks at Masaya when he undresses and tries to kiss him when she hasn’t longer the risk of transforming in front of him.

And finally, I'm posting a drawing I made and posted in the previous post. The fanservice scene with him was not drawn well, mainly due to his neck being too thin for his build, and his expression seemed weird to me. So I redrawed it by fixing these two things, the rest is the same. Handsome boy!

[gunterfan1992]

Interview with Fan Artist loycos!

(Art by loycos)

So a few months ago, I was absent-mindedly scrolling on Tumblr (or was it Twitter?) when I came across something: an Adventure Time fan comic by an artist named loycos. As a person embedded in fan spaces, I find fanart like this all the time, but this time, there was something special about the art I was seeing. It was so... show-accurate!

I don’t mean that necessarily in regard to the art style (although it does feel right at home in the Land of Ooo, while still being its own thing with its own flourishes), but rather in relation to the characterization; the way loycos wrote the characters was spot on. She nailed PB and Marceline’s dynamic as former lovers who deep-down miss one another. She nailed Finn’s naive heroism and his one-sided crush on PB. She nailed Jake’s goofball energy. It was perfect.

In the past, I’ve only interviewed people affiliated with the show’s production, but I thought I’d mix things up a bit and reach out to some fan artists that I think are fantastic. As such, I’m delighted to share with you an interview I had with loycos, who answered my questions about her art, her history with Adventure Time, and where her work is headed!

What is your 'artistic origin' story?

[It’s] kind of a corny answer, but I've been drawing since I remember myself. My earliest drawing memories are drawing Clifford (the big red dog) fanart when I was around 5 y/o. I was always more of a "fangirl" artist, [and] I would draw characters from my favorite franchises to illustrate my headcanons and daydream scenarios I'd put them in. That hadn't changed one bit since. I had since gone on to study animation and illustration in official institutions which forced me to design characters and worlds of my own, but when I draw for myself it's always back to fanart (or studies). I don't have any OCs.

Are there particular artists or styles that you were inspired by and/or like to emulate or allude to?

I'd joke that my artstyle is just a mesh of all the franchises I've drawn fanart for over the years, but honestly, is it even a joke? I think you can easily recognize I had a Disney Phase like every other teenager (I didn't have an anime phase though! I know, I'm an anomaly) and [Steven Universe] definitely left it's fat mark on my style too. Out of [Steven Universe]'s storyboarding crew (which I followed very closely over the years) I especially love Raven Molisee and Jeff Liu for their wacky expressions and proportions, and of course Rebecca Sugar for their fluid and carefree lines. When it comes to art in general, I tend to prefer stylized, colorful and brushy styles over realistic or gothic ones, So people like Hue Teo and Patri Balanovsky pop to my mind (and my artstation feed, seriously look them up).

How do you approach your projects; what is your general art process?

It really depends on the type of project I'm doing, though, my [Adventure Time] comics were all pretty similar in their conception: I write down all of my ideas in my notes so I won't forget them. Then I either roughly sketch out the entire comic as fast as I can, or I write a script (if the concept is specifically very dialog heavy) and then sketch it roughly. Then I do the lineart and color, nothing too complicated. The one thing I think is worth noting in my long comic process is that I draw all of my panels on the same document- that way it's easier for me to make sure the characters stay on model and that my panel layout remains fresh. So basically, the way you read the comics on tumblr, as a long scroll, is the format I work on.

How did you come to find Adventure Time? What made you join the fandom?

Adventure Time is one of those shows you just know about, so I don't remember how I first found out about the show. However, I do remember when I started shipping Bubbline—after the episode “Broke His Crown” aired. I somehow ended up in their Tumblr tag and was blown away by the (by 2016's standards) blatant representation. Despite my obsession with them at the time, I never actually watched any episode that didn't feature the girls' relationship. I only started fully watching the show recently. But I did consume a lot of fan content, which I think helped me shape my own headcanons and such. After my initial interest in 2016 I put Bubbline back on the back burner and kept on my [Steven Universe] ramage, until last year's “Obsidian,” which brought me back fully on board the Bubbline decks around 2 weeks before it aired, so I was in maximum hype mode when I watched the special. It did not disappoint [and it] really reminded me of why I loved these characters and their relationship to begin with. I started drawing my own art for the ship shortly after, when I felt like the hype around the special died down and there wasn't much to keep me sustained anymore. I make what I want to see ;)

As for joining the fandom, I don't know if I can be considered a member, seeing how inactive I am most of the time and my very limited list of [Adventure Time] mutuals. I am extremely flattered that my stuff caught ATimers attention in a positive way.

You've done some amazing Bubblegum and Marceline stuff. What draws you to their dynamic?

I'm gay.

OK, seriously now. I have a soft spot for extremely feminine, dainty characters that are very reserved, so PB immediately marked herself as an obvious fav, and the road to shipping her with Marceline (who is such an obvious candidate and a multilayered, fascinating character herself) was a short one. I know calling PB dainty is far from a true statement, but that's what she appeared like on the surface and that's what caught my attention. Another thing is that I love relationships between immortal beings, I think it always adds another layer of complexity to any relationship, especially a romantic one. The whole "getting older without appearing like you've aged" and "watching everyone you love die around you while you stay the same" can surely make 2 beings bond, right? It always felt like PB and Marcy get each other in a way no one else can, they are very different on the surface but share fundamental internal similarities. Oh, and the fact that they're EXES? The romantic tension and the longing? The familiarity and banter they had in every scene they shared?This hit the jackpot on literally every relationship trope that I love. I'd much rather watch a "getting back together" than a "falling in love for the first time" story.

All of this and the fact that they [are] gay. It's really that simple sometimes.

In broad strokes, what is next for you as an artist and/or as a fan?

I have a few [Adventure Time] comics ideas\scripts on the back burner and one that is in the making. I think I'll dabble into some Nintendo fanart cause I've been playing a lot of Smash Bros and [Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild] lately.

I’m so excited to see what comes next! Either way, a huge thanks to loycos for chattin’ with me! If you’d like to check out more of her art, visit her Tumblr and her Twitter page!

[hamliet]

The Crows Summon the Sun

Or, Hamliet’s review of Shadow & Bone, which gets a 4.5/5 for enjoyment and a 3.5/5 in terms of writing.

The true heroes of this story and the saviors of the show are the Crows. However, the problem is that the show then has an uneven feel, because the strength of the Crows plotline highlights the weaknesses of the trilogy storyline. But imo, overall, the strengths overshadow (#punintended) the weaknesses. 

I’ll divide the review into the narrative and the technical (show stuff, social commentary), starting with narrative.

Narrative: The Good 

It’s What The Crows Deserve

I went into the show watching it for the Crows; however, knowing that their storyline was intended to be a prequel, I wasn’t terribly optimistic. And while it is a prequel, the characters have complete and full arcs that perfectly set them up for the further development they will have in the books (which I think should be the next season?). Instead of retreading the arcs they’d have in the books, which is how prequels usually go, they had perfect set up for these arcs. It’s really excellent. 

Jesper, Inej, and Kaz are all allowed to be flawed, to have serious conflicts with one another, and yet to love each other. They feel like a found family in the best of ways. Kaz is the perfect selfish rogue; he’s a much more successfully executed Byronic hero than the Darkling, actually. Inej is heroic and her faith is not mocked, yet she too is flawed and her choices are not always entirely justified, but instead left to the audience to ponder (like killing the girl), which is a more mature writing choice that I appreciated. 

Jesper is charming, has a heart of gold despite being a murderer and on the surface fairly greedy, and MILO THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GOAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. I also liked Jesper’s fling with Dima but I felt it could be better used rather than merely establishing his sexuality, like if Jesper and Dima had seen each other one more time or something had come of their tryst for the plot/themes/development of Jesper. 

Nina and Matthias’s backstory being in the first season, instead of in flashbacks, really works because it automatically erases any discomfort of the implications of Nina having falsely accused Matthias that the books start with. We know Nina, we know Matthias, we know their motivations, backgrounds, and why they feel the way we do. It’ll be easy for the audience to root for them without a lot of unnecessary hate springing from misunderstanding Nina (since she’s my favorite). Matthias’s arc was also really strongly executed and satisfyingly tragic. Their plotline was a bit unfortunately disconnected from the rest of the story, but Danielle Gallagan and Callahan Skogman have absolutely sizzling chemistry so I found myself looking forward to their scenes instead of feeling distracted. Also? It’s nice seeing a woman with Nina’s body type as a romantic and powerful character. 

Hamliet Likes Malina Now

Insofar as the trilogy storyline goes, the best change the show made was Mal. He still is the same character from the books, but much more likable. The pining was... a lot (too much in episode 4, I felt) but Malina is a ship I actually enjoyed in the show while I NOTP’d it in the books. Mal has complexity and layers to his motivations (somewhat) and a likable if awkward charm. Archie Renaux was fantastic. 

Ben Barnes is the perfect Aleksandr Kirigan, and 15 year old me, who had the biggest of big crushes on Ben Barnes (first celebrity crush over a decade ago lol), was pretty damn happy lol. He’s magnificantly acted--sympathetic and terrifying, sincerely caring and yet villainous in moments. Story-wise, I think it was smart to reveal his name earlier on than in the books, because it helps with the humanization especially in a visual medium like film. Luda was a fitting (if heartbreaking) backstory, but it is also hard for me to stomach knowing what the endgame of his character is. Like... I get the X-men fallacy thing, but I hope the show gives more kindness to his character than the books did, yet I’m afraid to hold my breath. Just saying that if you employ save the cat, if you directly say you added this part (Luda) to make the character more likable (as the director did) please do not punish the audience for feeling what you intended. 

I also liked the change that made Alina half-Shu. It adds well to her arc and fits with her character, actually giving her motivations (she kinda just wants to be ordinary in a lot of ways) a much more interesting foundation than in the books. Also it’s nice not to have another knock-off Daenerys (looking to you Celaena and book!Alina). Jessie Mei Li does a good job playing Alina’s insecurities and emotions, but... 

Narrative: The Ehhhhhhh

Alina the Lamp

Sigh. Here we go. Alina has little consistent characterization. She’s almost always passive when we see her, yet she apparently punches an officer for calling her a name and this seems to be normal for her, but it doesn’t fit at all with what we know about her thus far. Contradictions are a part of humanity, but it’s never given any focus, so it comes across as inconsistent instead of a flaw or repression. 

I have no idea what Alina wants, beside that she wants to be with Mal, which is fine except I have no idea what the basis of their bond is. Even with like, other childhood friends to lovers like Ren/Nora in RWBY or Eren/Mikasa in SnK, there’s an inciting moment, a reason, that we learn very early on in their story to show us what draws them together. Alina and Mal just don’t have that. There’s the meadow/running away thing, but they were already so close, and why?  Why, exactly? What brought them together? The term “bullies” is thrown around but it isn’t ever explored and it needed to be this season. If I have to deal with intense pining for so many episodes at least give me a foundation for their devotion. You need to put this in the beginning, in the first season. You just do.

A “lamp” character is a common metaphor to describe a bad character: essentially, you could replace the character with a lamp and nothing changes. Considering Alina’s gift is light, it’s a funnily apt metaphor, but it really does apply. Her choices just don’t... matter. She could be a special lamp everyone is fighting over and almost nothing would change. The ironic thing is that everyone treating her like a fancy lamp is exactly the conflict, but it’s never delved into. We’re never shown that Alina is more than a lamp. She never has to struggle because her choices are made for her and information is gifted to her when she needs it. Not making choices protects Alina from consequences and the story gives her little incentive to change that; in fact, things tend to turn out better when she doesn’t make choices (magic stags will arrive). 

Like... let’s look at a few occasions when Alina almost or does make choices. For example, she chooses to (it seems) sleep with Kirigan, but then there’s a convenient knock at the door and Bhagra arrives with key information that changes Alina’s mind instantly despite the fact that Bhagra’s been pretty terrible to her. If you want to write a woman realizing she’s been duped by a cruel man, show her discovering it instead of having the man’s abusive mother tell her when she had absolutely no such suspicions beforehand. There’s no emotional weight there because Alina doesn’t struggle. 

When she is actually allowed to carry out a bad choice, the consequences are handwaved away instead of built into a challenge for her. Like... Alina got her friends killed. More than once. I’m not saying she’s entirely to blame for these but could we show her reacting to it? Feeling any sort of grief? She never mentions Raisa or Alexei after they’re gone, just Mal, and I’m... okay. They were there because of you. Aren’t you feeling anything? Aren’t you sad? The only time Alina brings up her friends’ deaths is to tell Kirigan he killed her friends when they were only there because she burned the maps. She yells at Kirigan for “never” giving her a choice, but she almost never makes any, so why would he? Alina has the gall to lecture Genya about choices, but she herself almost never has to make any. 

Which brings me to another complaint in general: Alina’s lack of care for everyone around her when they’re not Mal, even if they care for her. Marie dies because of her (absolutely not her fault of course) but as far as we know she never even learns about Marie. She certainly doesn’t ever ask about her or Nadia. Alina seems apathetic at best to people, certainly not compassionate or kind. 

The frustrating thing is that there is potential here. Like, it actually makes a lot of psychological sense for an orphan who has grown up losing to be reluctant to care for people outside of her orbit and that she would struggle to believe she can have any say in her destiny (ie make choices). It’s also interesting that a girl who feels like an outsider views others outside her. But the show never offers examines Alina’s psychology with any depth; it simply tells us she’s compassionate when she is demonstrably not, it tells us she makes decisions when it takes magical intervention to do so. It’s a missed opportunity. This does not change between episodes 1 and 8, despite the episodes’ parallel structures and scenes, which unintentionally reinforces that Alina had little real development. 

Inej and ironically Jesper and Kaz embody the concept of “mercy” far better and with far more complexity than Alina does. The Crows have reactions to the loss of people who even betray them (Arken, etc), learn, and course-correct (or don’t) when they are even loosely involved in having strangers die. They’re good characters because they change and learn and have their choices matter. When they kill we see them wrestle with it and what this means even if they are accustomed to doing so. Jesper can’t kill in front of a child. Kaz wonders what his killings do to Inej’s idea of him.

Narrative: The Mixed Bag

Tropes, Themes, Telling vs. Showing

So the show’s themes in the Alina storyline are a mess, as they are in the trilogy too. Tropes are a very valuable way to show your audience what you’re trying to say. They’re utilized worldwide because they resonate with people and we know what to expect from them. The Crows' storyline shows us what it wants us to learn.

Preaching tells, and unfortunately, the trilogy relies on telling/preaching against fornicationBad Boys. It’s your right to write any trope or trample any trope you want--your story--but you should at least understand what/why you are doing so. The author clearly knows enough about Jungian shadows and dark/light yin/yang symbolism to use it in the story, but then just handwaves it away as “I don’t like this” but never does so in a narratively effective way: addressing the appeal in the first place. If you really wanna deconstruct a trope, you gotta empathize with the core of the reason these tropes appeal to people (it allays deep fears that we are ourselves unlovable, through loving another person despite how beastly they can be), and address this instead of ignoring it. Show us a better way through the Fold of your story. Don’t just go around it and ignore the issue.

The trilogy offers highly simplistic themes at best--bad boy bad and good boy good, which is fine-ish for kid lit but less fine for adult complexity, which the show (more so than the books) seems to try to push despite not actually having much of it.

Alina and Mal are intended to be good, we’re told they are, but I’m not sure why beyond just that we’re told so. Alina claims the stag chose her, but in the show it’s never explained why at all. Unlike with Kaz, Inej, Jesper, and hell even Matthias and Nina, we don’t see Alina or Mal’s complex choices and internal wrestling. 

Like, Inej’s half-episode where she almost killed the guy they needed was far more character exploration than Alina has the entire show, to say nothing of Inej’s later killing which not only makes her leaps and bounds more interesting, but ironically cements her as a far more compelling and yes, likable, heroine than Alina. We see Inej’s emotional and moral conflict. We can relate to her. We see Kaz struggling with his selfishness and regrets, with his understanding of himself through his interactions with and observations of Inej, Alina, the Darkling, Arken, and Jesper.

We don’t explore what makes Mal or Alina good and what makes them bad. We don’t know what Alina discovers about herself, what her power means for her. We are told they are good, we are told she knows her power is hers, but never shown what this means or what this costs them/her. Their opportunities to be good are handed to them (the stag, Bhagra) instead of given to them as a challenge in which they risk things, in which doing good or making a merciful choice costs them. Alina gets to preach about choices without ever making any; Inej risks going back to the Menagerie to trust Kaz. Her choices risk. They cost. They matter and direct her storyline and her arc, and those of the people around her.

Production Stuff:

The Good: 

The production overall is quite excellent. The costumes, pacing, acting, and cinematography (for example, one of the earliest scenes between the Darkling and Alina has Alina with her back to the light, face covered in his shadow, while the Darkling’s face is light up by her light even if he stands in the shadows) are top-notch. The soundtrack as well is incredible and emphasizes the scenes playing. The actors have great chemistry together, friend chemistry and romantic when necessary (Mal and Alina, the Darkling and Alina, Kaz and Inej, Nina and Matthias, David and Genya, etc.) All are perfectly cast. 

The Uncomfortable Technicalities Hamliet Wants to Bitch About:

The only characters from fantasy!Europe having any trace of an accent reminiscent of said fantasy country's real-world equivalent are antagonists like Druskelle (Scandinavia) and Pekka (Ireland). When the heroes mostly have British accents despite being from fantasy Russia and Holland, it is certainly A Choice to have the Irish accent emphasized. The actor is British by the way, so I presume he purposely put on an Irish accent. I'm sure no one even considered the potential implications of this but it is A Look nonetheless.

The Anachronisms Hamliet Has a Pet Peeve About: 

The worldbuilding is compelling, but the only blight on the worldbuilding within the story itself (ignoring context) was that there are some anachronisms that took me out of the story, particularly in the first episode where “would you like to share with the class” and “saved by the horn” are both used. Both are modern-day idioms in English that just don’t fit, especially the latter. The last episode uses “the friends we made along the way.” There are other modern idioms as well.

IT’S STARKOVA and Other Pet Peeves Around the Russian Portrayal 

Russian names are not hard, and Russian naming systems are very, very easy to learn. I could have waved “Starkov” not being “Starkova,” “Nazyalensky” not being “Nazyalenskaya,”  and “Safin” not being “Safina” as an American interpretation (since in America, the names do not femininize). However, “Mozorova” as a man is unfathomable and suggests to me the author just doesn’t understand how names work, which is a bit... uh okay considering a simple google search gets you to understand Russian names. They aren’t hard. I cannot understand why the show did not fix this. It is so simple to fix and would be a major way to help the story’s overall... caricature of Russia. 

Speaking of that... Ravka is supposedly Russian-based, but it is more accurately based on the stereotypes of what Americans think of Russia. Amerussia? Russica? Not great. 

The royals are exactly what Americans think of the Romanovs, right down to the “greasy” “spiritual advisor” who is clearly Rasputin and which ignores the Romanov history, very real tragedy, and the reason Rasputin was present in the court. The religion with all its saints is a vapid reflection of Russian Orthodoxy. The military portrayal with its lotteries and brutality and war is how the US views the Russian military. The emphasis on orphans, constant starvation, classification, and children being ripped from their homes to serve the government is a classic US understanding of USSR communism right down to the USSR having weapons of destruction the rest of the world fears (Grisha). Not trying to defend the Soviet Union here at all, but it is simplistic and reductive and probably done unconsciously but still ehhhh. 

However, I’m not Russian. I just studied Russian literature. I’ve seen very little by way of discussion of this topic online, but what I do see from Russian people has been mixed--some mind, some don’t. The reality is that I actually don’t really mind this because it’s fantasy, though I see why some do. I'm not like CANCEL THIS. So why am I talking about this beyond just having a pet peeve?

Well, because it is a valid critique, and because it doesn’t occur in a vacuum. The Grishaverse is heralded as an almost paragon for woke Young Adult literature, which underlines itself what so frustrates me about how literary circles discuss issues of diversity and culture. Such praise, while ignoring its quasi-caricature of Russia, reflects a very ethnocentric (specifically American) understanding of culture, appropriation, and representation. All stories are products of their culture to various extents, but it bothers me on principle what the lit community reacts (and overreacts sometimes?) to and what people give a pass to. The answer to what the community reacts to and what it gives a pass always pivots on how palatable the appropriation is to American understandings and sensibilities. There’s nuance here as well, though. 

I'm not cancelling the story or thinking it should be harshly attacked for this, but it is something that can be discussed and imo should be far more often--but with the nuance it begs, instead of black/white. But that’s a tall ask. 

[caspercryptid]

📯New pinned post + Request Guidelines 📯

It's been a while and some things have changed so I'm gonna make this one fresh!

Hi I'm Casper, I'm a semi-professional queer author currently hyperfixating on Arcane ((And only murders in the building, and Our Flag Means Death)) like a motherfucker. ND + Disabled + Trans. If you have a problem with any of those categories, perhaps move along.

I tag my fics with #casper's haunted fic tag but considering tumblr's ask system, maybe just use my arcane fic archive to read my stuff, or my #original fiction tag (please?) I tag asks with #casper's haunted info tag so if you're looking for my answers to your questions, check there! I've got some other Casper's haunted tags and I'll make a full list another time. #disability info is the tag I use for both discussion of disability in arcane and also advocacy stuff I reblog. If you ever want me to tag stuff more specifically, please let me know. 

Also on the record, reply times on all asks will vary, I’m a spoonie and I don’t always have the energy for social interaction! You have my love. I am easily worn out. 

🕊️ Twitter — 📖 Ao3 — ☕ Ko-Fi — 🔨 The Hammer To Fall Discord

Sideblogs:

@fuckyeahjaycetalis - JAYCE

@thebeelog - BEES

@theasperagroup - original project vibes (the description of which is here)

Now! Request Guidelines. [[Requests are closed right now, but here’s the rules for when they’re open!]]

Although if you guys happen to get attached to my OCs and want to see more of them, HMU, because that's Always Welcome.

Here is a list of suggestions for AUs and ships.

Now for the slightly less fun stuff.

I love writing rarepairs and I love crack ships and I love doing Weird Stuff. That being said, here is The Please Don't List.

Please don't spam requests as it takes up space in my inbox and I can only hold so many before I close it again! Give everybody a fair shot

Please don't send me requests that describe the entire plot of a fic. If you've got the whole concept, that's great! You should try writing it and I will support you. If there's not room for me to take my own direction, or you've described your own characterizations that don't match mine, that's not really fun for me to write! And so I won't.

Please don't send me requests where you ask that disabled characters (Viktor) be insecure about their body or their disability. I'm not comfortable writing that.

And the hopefully pretty short No list—

I will not write jinx with anyone significantly older than she is, nor will I answer requests that call her powder. My jinx is trans.

I will not write Caitlyn/Jayce, as I write them as siblings

I will not write ship content with Ambessa, as I'm not comfortable with her treatment of Mel in the show

I will not write E rated content unless it has been discussed with me beforehand or it's a continuation of a previous fic. I'm gray ace and I can't really manage that on command.

Okay! You got through the negative stuff. Here's some lighter logistics notes.

please sign your anon asks with an emoji! I think it's cute and it helps me pick up trends or threads and to keep from getting confused. I am disabled and making things more accessible for me is really sweet of you

If you start your request with "tell me a story about" I am a hundred times more likely to answer you fast bc I think that's the cutest shit ever

I make no guarantees that I can write EVERY ship but if you send me two characters I will do my best. They may not always kiss. I will give you content. If you want strictly platonic that's cool too!! Familial relationships? People you think would be friends? Just wanna see em vibe or coparent or something? Hit me.

Feel free to spam likes and reblogs! Go ham! PLEASE reblog, especially if you're the one who requested, it's just a nice way to share my stuff. And talk in the tags! Go ham!

Requests will be answered out of order whenever I have inspiration I make no guarantees about what goes up when

And I think that's that! I'll add to this if I think of something else or if something happens that reminds me that this needs to be updated. Thanks for reading!

[iamanartichoke]

I am posting this mostly to get it off my chest, and I'll probably regret it, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think the biggest problem I have with Fandom Wank(tm) in regards to positivity or negativity, is what bothers me has literally nothing to do with whether one's positivity/negativity will turn out to be right.

last night I followed a couple of posts and went down a rabbit hole of "series negativity" bashers' posts, bc apparently I hate myself and do not wish to be in a good mental space right now, and the common thread I noticed is that those who are overwhelmingly positive and take issue with criticism seem to be doing so bc they see their own versions of Loki being portrayed on-screen, either as how they've interpreted him as a character in generral or as how they've written him in fics. And not only are they fiercely protective of those versions but they also get validation from the confirmation that their Loki is The Right Loki(tm). Criticism takes the on-screen portrayal (and, subsequently, their own personal versions of The Right Loki(tm)) and says, uh, I can't actually see Loki doing this? I think this is ooc? I think Loki as portrayed here is not consistent with previous portrayals? -

- and suddenly you've got this rabid backlash on your hands where it becomes 'omg stop being toxic,' 'your headcanon is not canon' (look in the mirror), 'this is tom's loki so it's accurate,' 'i see no difference whatsoever in characterization y'all're just deluded and have invented a loki that never existed' (tf????), etc.

And I can't help but conclude that the backlash against criticism/negativity has nothing to do with the criticism itself; it's more to do with the undermining of someone else's validation in how they view this character.

This is purely speculation. There's some mental gymnastics here, admittedly. I could be way off base and I realize that I risk my post being shared and misconstrued and mocked by even posting it publicly. But the only reason I'm writing this - and thus getting it off my chest after my spiral down the rabbit hole - is bc from my point of view, I didn't feel like my experience in enjoying this tv show was being threatened until the discourse backlash over the negativity started spilling onto my dash. Not the negativity itself; the actual discourse. (And, look, there's a lot of negativity that's been posted that I don't agree with whatsoever, and there's other negativity that I may agree with but don't agree that it's an issue, or - my point is, this isn't bc I don't have conflict with the actual arguments themselves.)

Full disclosure: for the first three weeks, I was more positive than not regarding the show. (I think I still am.) I posted about what I liked but I also posted about what I felt was ooc and about the elements I liked less. A lot of my mutuals are not thrilled (to say the least) with the show, so there was already a ton of negativity on my dash and I personally went through a few minor meltdowns on whether or not I was on the right page with my enjoyment when so many others (whose opinions I trust and whose versions of Loki [that I've read] in fic ring true to me) were not sharing that enjoyment.

I did/have been talking it out with friends who feel similarly and I've more or less come to terms with being in the middle. And in the meantime, when I felt like the negativity was not something I wanted to be cognizant of, I skipped those posts entirely. Doing these things allowed me to come to terms with where I was standing regarding my overall feelings on the series, and overall enjoyment with my fandom experience.

And then, mostly after episode 3 (which seems to be the most divisive so far), discourse started popping up on my dash more and more. I'm defining discourse, in this context, as 'wank regarding whether or not Loki is actually ooc, wank over people who enjoy the show not wanting to see the negativity, wanky posts asking people who are critical to reserve judgement until the show has finished airing (but praise is fine)' -

- and suddenly, I feel much more self-conscious about posting my takes. Suddenly I feel much more anxiety about hitting the "post" button when said post is more critical than not. Suddenly I am worried about who, exactly and actually, is reading my posts? Who is going to decide to paraphrase my takes and include them in a 'guess what they're complaining about NOW' post? Who is going to decide to pass around a post I've made only to mock it, as has happened to some of my friends already?

Over the past three days, I have gotten 30+ new followers, and instead of feeling good about it - hey, some of these may be porn bots but still, people are interested in my blog?! - I feel just increasing anxiety about it bc, I mean, I don't know who anyone is or what they're here for.

I do not feel secure in the current fandom environment, is what I'm saying, and the reason I do not feel secure is not because of the negativity; it's because of the wank coming from the people who post about the negativity and mock the negativity and call other fans deluded stans who have a shitty grasp on characterization, story telling, and Loki in general. It's Ragnarok bullshit all over again, only worse.

And this circles me back to my original point, which is that the anxiety and the wank/discourse and whatever else really has nothing to do with the on-screen portrayal of Loki.

For me, personally? It took me awhile to realize it, admittedly, but I did realize that I do not care if what I perceive as ooc actually isn't. I do not care if the final product of Loki - once the entire series has aired - is a different Loki than what I've written and perceived as "my" Loki all this time. It's not going to make me feel like less of a fan or less valid; it's just going to make me feel like I have a perception of Loki that may differ in some ways with "canon Loki" but is still similar enough that I will continue to enjoy engaging with him and writing meta about him and writing fic about him and sharing those things with people who view Loki similarly. Likewise, I am not going to feel less valid as a writer and a critical thinker; it doesn't make me feel like I have anything to prove.

So if the root of the wank is coming down to the negativity making you feel less valid or less vindicated bc "your" Loki matches the show but is being called ooc by a lot of other fans, like, maybe take a step back and consider not taking it personally? Maybe really think about why the fact that negativity exists bothers you so much? Bc I mean, at the end of the day, it's not like Tom Hiddleston himself is going to descend from the clouds with a choir of angels singing and acknowledge any one of us as The One True Fan Who Has The Best Interpretation Ever of Loki. So what actual difference does it make if (we agree or disagree that) he's ooc or not?

Ultimately I'm just saying, there is definitely wank that is ruining the fandom atmosphere and the show in general, and it's not coming from those who are posting their negativity and criticism of the source material.

*Disclaimer that this is how I am perceiving and interpreting things today and possibly in general, but I'm not necessarily saying that my perception is factual to what is actually happening. I don't know what is happening. This is the guess that I've come up with in order to reconcile the fandom discomfort I feel, discomfort which is ruining the show for me, and where it's all coming from.

** Second disclaimer that I have unfollowed those who were participating in the wank, if I was following them in the first place, to the point that it made me uncomfortable, and obviously this post doesn't apply to everyone bc there is a certain amount of just being tired of it that I understand, so if we're mutuals, this doesn't apply to you regardless of where you stand on the wank.

*** Third disclaimer that said fandom environment is what makes me feel like I have to add disclaimers on every fucking thing I say, partly bc people read what they want to read and partly bc I have very debilitating anxiety regarding being misunderstood.

[thejudgingtrash]

Annabeth is a good person,but not a nice or pleasant one,IMO.

YES.

That’s it. That’s the post. Pack it up everybody, we just cracked the case and cleared up one of the most compelling fights in the PJO fandom since forever. Good job everybody, clap it out and there’s the door! Don’t forget ordering the drinks at Starbucks, Mitch! They’re on me!

Okay, but on a more serious note: YES. YES EXACTLY.

And before some of you roll your eyes or grab your pitchforks – put your biases aside and hear me out for once. I like Annabeth. She’s my in my top three characters only second to Percy himself. I love Percabeth. It’s my favorite ship in the entire series and to be frank, the only ship that I care about PJO wise. Hell, I spend my time creating my own headcanons or writing my own fanfics with Percabeth being the star in them.

But that is not to say that I’m unable to see how certain things have developed over the years or where they stand now in regard to Annabeth. I’m not here to ignore things that have been said and/or done due to or in the name of Annabeth and I’m not here to vilify anyone that doesn’t like her. And I’m here to admit that I’m guilty of some of the things that may be addressed in this meta essay that you will read in just a second. However, I try my best to assure you, that I’m for once able to recognize my own bias.

Warning: a monster essay lies right upon you.

This should count as a paper of its own.

Back to the statement on top: I would go out even further to reframe your claim, anon:

Annabeth Chase is a good character but not a nice or pleasant person.

Annabeth is a wonderful character but she isn’t a nice one. Or at least not nice to everyone. She is (construction wise if I dare say) the best character out of the series. She has her positive traits (she’s caring, she’s emotional, she’s encouraged and volunteers, she fights for what she believes in, she forgives (even if doing so begrudgingly)) but she also has her negative traits (she’s stubborn, she’s brash, changing her mind takes forever, she is prejudiced, she baits others). That balances things out. She is branded as the intelligent kid but does irrational things (like I’ve just said a) she’s a kid and b) she’s not a robot). She should probably know better, but we all make mistakes and hopefully grow and learn from them. The clouds in the sky do blur and cover our visions sometimes.

Annabeth had clashes with other characters or was about to have fights due to her stubbornness or jealousy (Rachel, Reyna, etc.) and has of course her problems with the mortal world and her family but she also found new friends, some things cleared up throughout the narration and she was/is quite popular in Camp Half-Blood.

The thing is: she doesn’t have to be nice or pleasant (as a character). Or at least not all the time. Her character is humanized. That is what or who she is. Human. She does stand out as a character, not just because she’s the (future) love interest. She feels like someone you could meet in real life and either adore from the top to the bottom or declare as your biggest enemy. And that’s totally okay if you lean either way – liking or disliking her. Or even feeling indifferent about her. Also great!

To say that she has been the best character that Riordan has crafted is easy to say, because she has been sculpted after Riordan’s wife. He had a model he could rub some of real-life events or traits on. That’s not the problem. The problem truly doesn’t lie on Riordan’s side for the most part for once.

The problem is inherently on the fandom’s side. What the fandom does, how it acts and how it treats Annabeth as a character is the problem. The problems vary but it’s mostly the mischaracterization of Annabeth, starting fights and fan/ship wars, internalized misogyny (in some cases) and how some of the Annabeth stans lash out (ha, got firsthand experience in that field among many of my friends and mutuals!). There is a reason why many people are wary of people that have Annabeth or Percabeth related URLs.

The fact that we see Annabeth mostly through Percy’s lens and (until the Heroes of Olympus saga hits) we never really see her in chill everyday situations is essentially Riordan leaving the back door of the house open, ready for all of you asshats to rob his mansion in Boston. Because a frame on a character means that we don’t get to see the character in its entirety (unlike we do with Percy in PJO for the most part). That means a bunch of stuff is left open for interpretation which is the reason why Annabeth gets so many polarized headcanon and opinions tossed around. I think that is one of the true appeals of Annabeth. You can add on stuff and it necessarily doesn’t have to contradict itself.

We have people calling her abusive due to a (n admittedly stupid and unnecessary) judo flip and we have people that act like she’s never done anything wrong. People sorta use this excuse to form and shape Annabeth however they want and distort her characterization.

People in the fandom act like Annabeth is some weird prized possession. We perceive Annabeth mostly through the eyes of others (Percy, Apollo, etc.) and when we had some sort of insight in her ways (MOA, HOH) it felt… weird? Somewhat? Like Riordan left two bullet points of her characterization and told the ghostwriter: aight, fuck it up, gringo, see you on Tuesday and greet Fred the next time you see him for me. 

There have been many posts lately (by Tharini, Simi, Sawasawako, Jewishpercy and Annie I believe?) that HOO Percabeth felt weird. That they felt weirdly constructed, that there was no conflict, no growth. It felt stagnating, like we’re turning back. We had five books prior where we had Annabeth and Percy slowly shifting from disliking to liking and crushing each other. True development. And when we finally got the cake it felt… dissatisfying. Like the cheap box stuff and not the delicious exquisite taste that we were promised.

I said it previously in my Percabeth ship roast, but let me repeat myself: many Percabeth related things are straight up fanon. Some of it is very old fanon so that’s been unable to distinguish unless you’ve read the books recently and subtract nearly 99,9% of things you see on Tumblr (and occasionally the other shitty parts of the fandom like Reddit, IG, Twitter. Although they mostly steal and recycle tumblr stuff oh well. But back to the topic).

The way people treat Annabeth is so strange. She’s either an innocent fluffy smush baby that’s never harmed a fly and all that she wants for Christmas is being Percy’s lapdog or she’s the devil incarnate, broke into your house, killed your parents Batman style, kicked your puppy and didn’t flush the toilet on the way out. I think this is what mostly makes people hate her or the ship Percabeth. And both extremes are wrong and right at the same time? She is multifaceted so both stereotypes are true and untrue and sorta cancel each other out in the same way.

The true reason why people dislike Annabeth is because the stans are doing the most. (The haters as well, don’t get me wrong, but oh boy. Piss of a stan and you’ll know what I mean). That isn’t inherently new. Are you guys old enough to remember the ship wars that have happened cross platform? Perachel vs. Percabeth? Oh boy, oh boy. I saw some kids on tumblr a few months ago trying to infiltrate both tags and start shit (and also fail). The fact that Rachel still gets used as the bitchy (ex) girlfriend in fanfics? It’s 2020 guys. I know this apocalyptic year is far from perfect and over but I think we can let this trope die, right? Right? I thought we’ve established that Rachel is a pretty chill charcter by now… right?

If you posted your stuff on FFN back in 2010-2013 and it wasn’t the typical cutesy Percabeth story (Goode High, the gods read TLT, punk/prep Percabeth, college AU, etc.) people would’ve come for your fucking throat. Not because the story or the narration was shit. But because the pairing wasn’t Annabeth and Percy (in the sense that Annabeth had to be paired with Percy. I mean Percy gets shipped with everyone and their mother but for Annabeth it was strictly Percy. As annoying as this whole Connabeth thing is – the people behind it actually had a point. She never had a different love interest unless it’s a Percy centered story and he goes off dating Athena, Artemis and Zoe at the same time for some odd reason. Yeah, FFN Percy ships are something). Or it wasn’t the action filled canon compliant story or it wasn’t an AU that was popular.

People were really stubborn, snobbish and wanted their stuff in the four five boxes that were the most popular ones and that’s it. People have been bullied off the site in many fandoms, so it’s not a PJO-only thing but it’s still sad that it happened. (Off-note: most of these FFN tropes are still alive and well and thriving on AO3. Don’t be so snobbish and pretend that every piece you’d find there is a holy grail. There’s a lot of trash you have to waddle through. Same with Wattpad, Tumblr or anywhere else where fanfics get posted. Also had this discussion with Annabeth stans. Sigh).

And Tumblr back then? Forget it, wasn’t much better.

That view has sorta changed (at least for people that have been in the fandom for several years or have managed to find a way to navigate through it) but some of the negative sentiment from back in the day has survived. Be it by new fans coming in or from old fans that never let their stance die. The aggression feels differently and somewhat not. (I don’t know if the anon function had been abused that much back in the day. I was an observer not a participant in the fandom).

Crack a joke at Annabeth’s expense (Kal’s famous “Annabeth is a Republican” post or Dee Dee’s and many others “Annabeth has the education of a second grader, chill with the college plans, girlie” stance) and you have people insulting you, making callout posts, unfollowing and blocking you (based on only that? Okay, honey), making aggressive counter-posts, etc. in a minute. If you respond with “It’s a joke, it’s not real” you have a 50/50 chance of either getting blown off or embarrassing them so that they apologize for once.

This isn’t just about jokes. You can make a headcanon that’s not the cozy cute convenient mainstream saga and people would react the same way. Or art piece (no, not including the whole Tannabeth Blackchase shtick done by Viria and others) or fanfics.

People project so much onto the unfinished canvas that is Annabeth Chase that any form of negative sentiment as little as someone not liking her to straight up criticism, regardless of how tiny it may be, seems like an affront. Like an invitation to a fight. Like an insult to them, their character, everything they believe in. Let me state something:

You are NOT Annabeth Chase. Annabeth Chase IS NOT you. Annabeth Chase is NOT real. Her feeling cannot be hurt. Someone criticizing, disliking, joking about her or even insulting her will not bother her. Someone making a statement about her is not an insult to YOU.

Let me repeat that:

Annabeth Chase isn’t real. Annabeth Chase isn’t you.

So think a little before you act? I get it when you’re a kid and new to fandoms or haven’t been up with fan cultures in the past and are back in the scene. But if you’re in your late teens or even older as an adult and you’re unable to understand that you aren’t what you like – you aren’t the extension of a fictional character – I feel incredibly sorry for you. Because that’s just incredibly sad. Someone disliking something you like isn’t an attack of your character. It shows you that you are you and the other person is a human just like you. That they just have different taste. Disliking something you like isn’t a crime, you know? But me feeling sorry for the way some of y’all act won’t mean that that’s even remotely okay. Especially if you’re no longer in the intended audience for PJO age wise and should know better.

This isn’t a “white stans” only thing. I’ve seen and witnessed firsthand how people of color, mainly women of color, act the same or not even worse when it comes to her character. People have projected their problems and real-life occurring events into her character (I’m sure that she isn’t the only character nor that this is the only fandom where this is happening) and in some cases like I’ve said cannot separate their own personality from the fictional world. Fights with woc happened because of Annabeth fucking Chase. So many things have happened in the fandom the past few months, mostly due to people being forced staying at home because of the quarantine but I’d say it’s 10% on quarantine and 90% on people for acting up like this.

So here’s a little story: There was the act of Riordan blowing the fandom up because of his own stupidity and being unable to apologize for his mischaracterization and lack of research (the whole Piper fiasco) back in June (?) and admits the upset fandom, people on Twitter, Tumblr and Discord legit thought that none of that mattered and that the outcry was destroying Annabeth Chase’s birthday. That’s right. People thought that Annabeth Chase’s non-existing birthday because she’s a fictional character had a higher priority than the rupture and prevalent racism in the fandom. Okay. This isn’t a great look, Annabeth stans. And this of course pissed a lot of people off. I made a post about it and someone not only berated three other people on said post but no, we had a mighty argument which had disrupted many friendships in our circle which haven’t recovered until this very day. We both had our parts in it and no one is innocent. But the cause of this still remains Annabeth Chase or how people prioritize her non-existing well-being. Anyway. I’m getting agitated just thinking about it.

Let’s go back to the characterization thing with Annabeth. Let me remind you:

Annabeth Chase is an asshole. There I’ve said it in a post ages ago (too lazy to look it up, sorry) and I’ll say it again. And that’s not me insulting her. That’s me actually loving that about her. Annabeth is one of the very few unapologetic female characters that really showed all young readers across the world that you can be a girl, a badass, smart, strong, standing up for yourself and what you believe in. You don’t have to be nice. You don’t have to hide your feelings. You don’t need a man in all cases but it’s also okay to accept help and defeat.

A large reason why I think she’s an incredibly important character in children’s literature/YA because many other novels (mostly (sadly)) have the “Oh, I’m a white skinny dark-haired girl that likes unconventional things like READING. I’m not like the other girls, that take care of themselves and pamper themselves by enjoying shopping and wearing make-up. No, I’d rather be one of the boys but a sweet cute little boy and not the jock fuck that drank vodka shots out of a filthy shoe once. Despite me calling myself hideous every man in a 10-kilometer radius falls in love with me and tells me I’m oh so sexy and by the way I’m only 16 years old” shit going on for no goddamn reason.

Yes, I do blame Twilight for this mostly in recent years, but this trope isn’t by any means knew. Pretty sure that you could even use classics as Pride and Prejudice and dissect them in the same manner (Bold statement: Lizzy Bennet is the OG Bella Swan. There. Go fight somewhere in the corner, people). The new wave of YA focuses on girls belittling themselves and only starting to believe in themselves because someone else (mostly the male love interest) tells them they’re worth it. And these books hit the mainstream because they’re incredibly bland and picture perfect white.

With Annabeth it’s different. She shows up for the job and is done with it. (Brie Larson would probably be the perfect in real life version of her. You either like or dislike her. Or you really don’t care). That is what is so refreshing about her. Her unapologetic nature. Can it be off-putting? Yes. Is it annoying? Yes! Hell, every time I read The Lightning Thief, I want to rip her goddamn head off. And it’s just so well written. Her shift from mistrusting Percy but secretly still believing in him to her opening up. Wow, Riordan did something right there.

Annabeth Chase isn’t a young character. She has existed along with PJO for 15 years. She’s on her way to the second decade. I’m pretty sure that with the success of Percy Jackson (and Harry Potter) many lives have been warped and shaped.

But when I say the problem lies mostly in the fandom, it doesn’t mean that Riordan’s completely innocent. The only problem that I have with Annabeth lies not truly with her but the fact that Riordan is only able to produce three variations of female characters:

The sweetheart (Hazel, Silena, Calypso, Hestia)

The strong feminist (Annabeth, Piper, Thalia, Reyna, Artemis)

The bitch (Drew, nearly every female goddess in the goddamn Riordanverse next to every female monster)

And these female characters only know three endings:

End up married with a mortgage, three kids, two dogs and a cat somewhere in Connecticut by the age of twelve

Get dumped into the hunt

Chill on Mount Olympus and only come down to be a nuisance and/or give a cryptic message before going back and doing a godly rave party or something

We know Annabeth as the badass strong female first (or the bitchy character we’re supposed to actually like. Choose your approach), the blueprint so to speak, so some of the other characters feel almost pale in comparison and almost not needed? Doesn’t mean that other characters can’t behave similarly, but it feels kind of redundant especially if their character arcs end in a rather anticlimactic way (Thalia, Reyna). The new additions are the much needed woc as the main story with PJO was inherently white (anyway stan black!Percy and Grover, folks). So it’s not to bash on the new characters, it’s more Riordan’s fault more than anything.

Since Riordan only knows three female character arcs it feels like he tried to copy the formula several ways with different nuances. Some more or less successful. This is where fandom actually comes in handy and helps create more distinguished and fleshed out characters in form of headcanons or fanfiction.

But even in these cases people still make it about Annabeth when it’s time for characters of colors to shine. Remember that whole spiel and discussion that broke out when people (Kal, diver-up, Caitlyn, Bee, reynaisalesbian, etc.) joked about or criticized that Annabeth thinks that she’s having it harder because she’s a blonde? In front of Hazel and Piper? If she would’ve been a real person that’s an invitation for getting decked. And then all hell broke loose because Annabeth stans couldn’t accept the fact that in the real world and/or in fictional worlds the woc/coc have it harder? That the white woman wasn’t the victim that needed the coddling? Yeah, that was mad pathetic.

I hope you people get my point?

Well fuck. I wrote so many things and have the feeling I’ve said nothing. Anyway, I hope I made sense. This is way too long.

TLDR: Chill about Annabeth please. She’s an important character but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to like her, regardless of being a character in the books or a reader/fan of PJO in real life. She isn’t nice or a sweetheart all the time. She also isn’t the monstrous asshole that some try to make out of her.

Peace out.

[larrysballetslippers]

Hey, I saw you write fictions. Could you help me understand how to go about writing fictions and what are the basic steps? I want to write a larry fiction but english isn't my first language and my vocabulary isn't advanced. I, however, do want to give a try maybe a short fiction. How do formulate a fiction? I have some ideas but I can't divide them into chapters and generate enough scenes. I have tried to write sometimes but it's always a dead end and I don't know to proceed.

Personally I like how read story where there's seeding in every chapter with some backstory which gradually gets revealed. I am into a/b/o phase right now and want to write a good story with basic yet great plotline which keep my readers hooked.

I have so many questions to ask. Sorry for this long ask and Thank you if you respond.

Hey sweetie. How do I say this without sounding self-deprecating? I'm still a beginner, I technically wrote two fics. I'm currently working on my first "advanced" fic, which means I'm still learning, A LOT. I can't really be a teacher right now, but I can give you some tips. I can help you with what I learned since I started writing and link some good blogs/posts. This is going to be long, so cut.

First, some tips.

1. There are so many superior writers out there, but everyone has to start somewhere.

You can't start writing with the idea you're the greatest writer on the planet. I wrote down my first story when I was eight. Did it have a good plot? No. Did it have well thought out characters? Absolutely not. Did I make a story inspired by my favourite superhero show? Yes. It was probably 300 words max and with horrible grammar. I'm a very imaginative person, so I make stories up in my head, but that was the first one I wrote down. I haven't written much since then, just some school projects and little things here and there. I only started really writing in April, I think. It was rough, but fun. It was a canon-compliant story, so it didn't need that much planning out, I thought. When I finished, I was so proud. Then I started my second fic and I realized my first wasn't the best. I was so sad when I read it back, disappointed it didn't turn out the way I had in mind. But I shook it off, realized it was my first fic, EVER. So I shouldn't put myself down. You have to start writing to get good, you can't expect to be Jane Austin without putting one word down. Don't COMPARE yourself to others.

2. Plot is never truly original.

Like music, there isn't somsthing like an original plot. Everything is taken from something else. Every plot in the world has taken inspiration from somewhere else. You can write an a/b/o fic with a spy theme, it's very clever, but not original. You've taken an a/b/o plot and combined it with a spy plot. Don't be afraid to write a cliche plot, it's about the way you write it. That's why no two fics are the same, the writer is different.

3. Find a beta you trust.

When I first started the first part of my fic (it was a series), I didn't know what a beta really did, so I asked someone to correct my grammar and that was that. In the second and third part of that fic I didn't even do that, I tried to correct everything myself. Part 4 of my series I asked a beta to help me, it was wonderful. It's the best part of my whole fic and I'm forever grateful for that beta. We weren't the best match, so we couldn't continue working together. The fic I'm writing now is much longer than anything I ever written, so I needed a good and available beta. I found one, the angel of all angels. You need to find someone that will help you with your story, but also encourage when you feel like complete trash. Believe me, you will. It's important you have someone to brainstorm with and laugh with over your your character's dumb jokes.

4. Your English is better than you think.

I'm not a native English speaker, shocker right? No, I'm joking, I'm not the best. BUT I'm understandable, right? That's important. You don't need to have fancy words to write a story. Use the words you know and if you want to improve your vocabulary, do that, with time. You don't need to be an native speaker in a day, it takes time. I'll link some good sites for vocabulary.

5. Read more fics

A good way to improve your vocabulary, read more fics. You clearly enjoy it, use it to improve yourself. Not only for vocabulary but for the plot, characterization, world-building, etc. Take in the things you want to remember, forget the rest.

6. Copy and paste

Maybe a bad thing to say, but copy and paste things you like. If there's a sentence in a fic or book you like, copy it. Of course, don't just paste it in your fic, but take inspiration out of it. Why do you like it so much? Why does it come over so good? Any words you want to use? Is the structure of the sentence appealing? Think about it, so you can improve your fic. Especially with areas you struggle with, take a look at other works.

7. Smut is scary, but don't be scared to try.

Is smut something you want to write? You don't have to, but if you want, don't be scared. As someone who wrote two smut scenes in her life, I'm struggling, but I'm trying. Take all the tips above this and just try. Things may go terribly wrong, but that's why you're practising.

8. Research research research!

Things like smut, fantasy, minority groups. You can't just write about it without any knowledge, research it. Articles, youtube videos, blogs on tumblr, etc. A simple kiss scene can be difficult if you have no knowledge about it, read people's first kiss stories or something like that. Want to try and write BDSM, read about it on a BDSM blog. Research the heck out of it.

9. Just to say it again. DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS.

Just to summarise, you're you, don't try to be someone else. You're writing style isn't worse than someone else's, it's just different. It makes your work recognisable, your text original, your hours of writing easier. Someone told me I can write young people really well, I owned it. Find what you're good at and own it.

Now that I have given you some important tips to start, I'll answer your question. How to go about writing fiction?

Everyone is different first of all, so please don't take my word for it. This is my routine, I just made up.

1. What do you want to write?

Is it your own idea, a prompt, a fic fest, an exchange?

2. What universe does take part in?

Does take place in the real world or a fantasy world? The past, present or future? Realistic or supernatural? Which country?

3. What is the goal?

Are they supposed to be lovers at the end? Do they have to defeat something/someone? A quest? Where do you want to end the story?

4. Where does it start?

Where does your story start? At the birth of your characters? In the future and you work your way back? In the middle? When your important characters meet each other for the first time?

5. What does it take to get from start to finish?

What happens in the story? What developments happen? Is it a road trip and your characters need to get closer, how do they do that?

6. What are some subplots you want to add?

Are there things that don't really matter for your goal, but you want to add? Friends to lovers but maybe they help someone's mom out one day.

7. Who are your characters?

Their personalities, appearances, quirks, relationships.

8. Who is the protagonist?

Who is the story about? Who is the main character?

9. In whose point of view is it?

Who is telling the story? You, the protagonist, the love interest, a random bystander, etc?

10. Outline.

Write down what you want to do with your story. Every scene needs to be written down. You can always change it of course.

11. Write, write and write.

Take all the tips and write.

I want to give you some links I always use. I will also recommend some blogs.

This tool lets you describe a concept and get back a list of words and phrases related to that concept: https://www.onelook.com/thesaurus/

This article about body language: https://www.writerswrite.co.za/cheat-sheets-for-writing-body-language/

This tumblr post about body language: https://badassunicorn2016.tumblr.com/post/145725344712/writing-tip-june-4th

This article for alternatives for 'said': https://owlcation.com/humanities/400-Alternative-words-for-said

This tumblr post about writing smut: https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/660062510531182592/smut-101-a-tutorial-for-beginners

This tumblr post about how to make smut sound sexy:https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/658604597068365824/making-smut-sound-sexy

This tumblr post about turning ideas into a story: https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/659430707796557824/i-get-lots-of-ideas-for-stories-which-are-just

I have some blogs you can follow that talk about writing.

This podcast blog @roseanddaggerpodcast

This blog has a podcast too and some good fic recs @allwaswell16

These writing blogs @ficsex @writingquestionsanswered @bhficfest https://wordsnstuffblog.com/

Some veterans writers and also have some good fic recs @twopoppies @justalarryblog @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @hershelsue @lululawrence @pocketsunshineharry @fearlesslysweetcreature @indiaalphawhiskey

I hope I could help you a little. In some weird way I helped myself, hehe. I hope you can finally write the story you want. If you ever have any questions, just come by. I don't know if I can always help you, but I'll try!! Good luck!!

[percabeth4life]

Sorry to just jump in here and drop this on you, but i saw a blog once call percabeth an abusive relationship???? and i was like ?????? but none of my friends read pjo so i cant ask them for thoughts, how about you?

Oh boy anon so this is a thing.

Percabeth is abusive is a common thing those that hate percabeth or ship something else and want to validate it say, and why I have the “anti-percabeth” tag blocked.

I’ve seen people say Annabeth just giving him a dirty look was abuse, people will reach for anything done between them that isn’t perfect, usually to justify why their ship is better.

Honestly, I’m open to most ships. Percabeth is my main but if you ship things that’s totally fine, even if I don’t like it I won’t say you shouldn’t ship it. I read non-Percabeth ships, but a lot of people feel a strong need to insist a ship is abusive if they don’t like it.

It’s fine to just not like a ship.

First off lets preface all of this with a warning that I’ll be discussing abuse here so if that’s upsetting skip it.

It got long, like very long (word count is nearly 3k), so it’s all under the Read More, there’s a TLDR at the very bottom.

Now then, what is abuse?

There are two definitions that pop up with a quick google search

Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse. 

Treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.

If you look up the legal definition (law.cornell) used to define abuse there are more options, but I’m leaving out 2, 3, and 4 cause 3 and 4 def have nothing to do with this and definition 2 is in regards to child abuse.

Abuse, generally: physically, sexually, or mentally injuring a person.

Now if we want to go deeper in lets define physical and mental abuse. I’ll be leaving out sexual as that has no bearing on this particular situation.

Physical abuse is defined by healthyplace.com as

Non-accidental use of force that results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. This includes, but is not limited to, being slapped, burned, cut, bruised or improperly physically restrained.

Now lets expand on this.

Something that is pointed to specifically is the mentioned intent. “Non-accidental”. It must be purposeful harm.

Now, I will also point out that Physical abuse doesn’t necessarily say the intent needs to be abuse, but as my lawyer parents state it simply needs to be “intent to harm” and it gets labeled abuse. The legal definition (given above) agrees, it is simply that it needs to be purposeful harm. But then we need to define this harm, especially the bodily injury, pain, or impairment.

Bodily injury is defined by Merriam Webster as

any damage to a person's physical condition including pain or illness

Now what is damage?

loss or harm resulting from injury to person, property, or reputation

So then harm is defined as... damage, so the definition I prescribe to (and I asked my lawyer parents to confirm, unfortunately I have no link for that).

Causes pain (pain defined as suffering)

Pain is defined by Merriam Webster as

a localized or generalized unpleasant bodily sensation or complex of sensations that causes mild to severe physical discomfort and emotional distress and typically results from bodily disorder (such as injury or disease)

a basic bodily sensation that is induced by a noxious stimulus, is received by naked nerve endings, is associated with actual or potential tissue damage, is characterized by physical discomfort (such as pricking, throbbing, or aching), and typically leads to evasive action

mental or emotional distress or suffering

Finally impairment is

diminishment or loss of function or ability

(all of the above definitions except harm are pulled from Merriam Webster linked with Bodily Injury)

Okay, so now lets consider it, physical abuse needs to cause damage to someone, it must be purposeful damage though the intent to abuse does not necessarily need to be the intent. So if your actions do not intend physical harm then it is not physical abuse.

So then, do Percy and Annabeth have a physically abusive relationship?

Lets start with the classic one that everyone likes to bring up, the Judo Flip.

First off, do Judo Flips hurt? [sourcing (1) (2) (3)]

They CAN hurt if done with that intent, but if your intent is to not harm and you are trained properly, No Judo should not hurt. Anyone properly trained in Judo should know how to prevent harm. (1, 2)

On top of that, the first thing anyone learning Judo is taught is how to fall.

All judoka learn to fall safely, by rolling and breaking their fall with Ukemi. This breakfall absorbs the impact of the throw. (3)

Percy should have the basics of this down seeing how he was already in matches (mentioned in book one prior him being claimed) in his first summer at camp, after four years he’s definitely got the basics down.

Therefore, the Judo flip did not intend to cause harm, nor did it appear to. Despite that it was on stone, and Annabeth had him pinned, Percy didn’t even show discomfort. He laughed.

On top of that, when Annabeth last saw Percy he had the Curse of Achilles. As far as she was aware, he still had it. A requirement of Physical Abuse is the intent to cause harm, every factor here shows that there was no intent to cause harm.

This scene was not physical abuse, it was just bad writing.

I can think of other scenes, only a few, before they were actually in a relationship. In book three Annabeth punched Percy in the stomach when he didn’t catch her hint that he should ask her to dance

She punched me in the gut. ‘Me, Seaweed Brain.’

‘Oh. Oh, right.’ (TTC, chapter 1, page 8 of book on my copy)

There doesn’t seem to have been any harm done as he doesn’t even mention it hurting, not even a pause, just went “oh yeah her”. So it was likely a light punch, the kind friends do that don’t hurt just catch attention. Annabeth has been trained since she was 7, she should know how to throw a punch without actually causing harm.

If anyone wants to bring up other examples, feel free, I’m not combing the books right now for examples but I will reply to them (preferably in asks so this post doesn’t get super long...)

I cannot think of any examples of Percy hitting/punching Annabeth nor any other kind of physical interaction, if someone wishes to bring one of those up feel free.

Does this mean that I think they should be hitting each other despite the fact that it’s clear there is no intent to harm?

No, I don’t really think they should be hitting each other.

But! An important thing there is their own boundaries, not mine. I would not be up for being hit but I do share friendly punches with my friends, which is similar in intent. It’s simply that they’ve been trained to fight and have to a lot to survive so their boundaries for what is “harmful” are different.

But that’s a whole different issue and a different academic essay :)

I don’t believe there is any physical abuse in Percabeth.

Moving on, Emotional abuse (which Psychological and Verbal added as they all connect).

Emotional abuse is defined by helathyplace.com as

Any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.

It also covers Psychological abuse and verbal abuse. Psychological abuse does not have a definition available on the site I’m using but it does have a description. If you’d like to read the description go (here). I will add a detail of how it works though

Psychological abuse signs and symptoms may start small at first as the abuser "tests the waters" to see what the other person will accept, but before long the psychological abuse builds into something that can be frightening and threatening.

Verbal abuse definition defined by healthyplace.com is

Any language or behavior that seeks to coerce its victim to doubt their perceptions or their abilities and subjugate themselves to the abuser.

So considering that, we note another important factor here, they also have intent involved. “Test the waters” and “seek to coerce” for Psychological and Verbal abuse.

Emotional abuse is different in that it does not specify intent, except every item mentioned is purposeful. If you’re confining someone then you’re doing that on purpose, you cannot easily accidentally do most of that. Those actions carry intent, even if the intent is not abuse.

Now then, is percabeth emotionally abusive?

Once again I’ll start with the big thing people point out, the Judo Flip.

I’ve seen it point out that it could be seen as humiliation.

Annabeth grabbed his wrist and flipped him over her shoulder. He slammed into the stone pavement. Romans cried out. Some surged forward, but Reyna shouted, “Hold! Stand down!”

Annabeth put her knee on Percy’s chest. She pushed her forearm against his throat. She didn’t care what the Romans thought. A white-hot lump of anger expanded in her chest—a tumor of worry and bitterness that she’d been carrying around since last autumn.

“If you ever leave me again,” she said, her eyes stinging, “I swear to all the gods—”

Percy had the nerve to laugh. Suddenly the lump of heated emotions melted inside Annabeth.

“Consider me warned,” Percy said. “I missed you, too.” (MOA, chapter 2, page 19 of my copy)

If you look at the scene itself you’ll see that Annabeth is very emotional right then, she just got her boyfriend back, she’s exhausted from months of worrying, she’s emotionally very strained, and she judo flips him as all her pain just fills her.

A lot of people with anxiety or high stress or similar issues have times when the anxiety doesn’t affect them during the time they’re stressed, but right after the stressors are gone.

It’s clear that’s what happened here, all her feelings that she’d been burying to work just filled her.

And Percy smiles up at her and says he missed her.

It’s clear from her own comment that she didn’t care what the Romans thought (said right after they almost attacked her) that her thoughts were not on how this looked for Percy, but for her. She knew it looked bad for her to attack him.

She wasn’t trying to embarrass or humiliate Percy, she was trying to get all that pain and stress and anger out. I don’t like how it was done, but it did not physically harm him (nor did she expect it to) and it clearly did not humiliate him.

He smiled and said he missed her.

He understood what she was going through, and made it clear he loved her.

I still think it was bad writing, but it’s not humiliation, nor is it emotional abuse.

Another thing I’ve seen pointed out is Annabeth’s nickname for Percy.

Seaweed Brain.

I will start this with a reminder that both of their nicknames for each other were originally meant as insults.

Wise Girl was first used by Clarisse and it clearly upset Annabeth, it is used twice by Clarisse actually.

Once in TLT, when she and Percy first meet, and once in SOM when they’re attacking Charybdis.

Percy in comparison uses Wise Girl twice as well, both in TLT, once when he was mocking her at her coming along on the quest and once when they were saying goodbye. It’s also used once in HOO, in BOO.

Honestly it’s not much a nickname... only used by Percy 3 times in all the (main) books. There are like 3 other cases in all the side stories and MCGA combined.

Annabeth uses seaweed brain a total of 41 times in all the books combined, in PJO it’s used 25 times, 22 by Annabeth, and HOO it’s used outloud 9 times, all by Annabeth. On top of this, while the PJO cases were all outloud, the HOO cases were not, with 2 (making the total 11) used only in Annabeth’s thoughts.

Seaweed brain is used in TLT 6 times, 5 times by Annabeth.

The first time is when Annabeth is joining the quest, then when he says things are going fine so far when they start the quest, then when at the Ride of Love, then when Annabeth calls him her friend, then when they’re saying goodbye.

If you watch the progression of it it’s the same as with Wise Girl, though used more often. It starts as an insult, and then becomes fond and a term for her friend by the end of it.

I don’t particularly want to label every single instance, but a quick overview of all the PJO books is that it’s used by Annabeth in annoyance a total of 4 times, in fondness/exasperation/worry 18 times. Those times of annoyance were all in books 1 and 2, the time of exasperation (1 of the 18) was in book 2.

The vast majority were done out of worry, and the rest when she was being soft.

It’s not meant to diminish his intelligence, nor is intended as an insult beyond book 1 and 1 instance of book 2. It is rarely used because he’s being ignorant either. You can make an argument for the first case in book 3 being done because he wasn’t catching her hint to dance and thus was mocking his inability to catch a hint, but it was mixed with fondness from my read.

Overall the nickname is not intended as an insult anymore, it has become a friendly name for Percy that shows how fond Annabeth is of him. She does not have nicknames for anyone else.

In HOO all the cases were relatively fond, with one that she didn’t say outloud being used when she was cheering Hazel up by telling stories about Percy (ah the benefits of long time friendships, you get to tell all the good stories).

In the end I think that it’s cute that they have a nickname for each other, and though there could be more flattering ones, the intent that Percy understands from it and the intent Annabeth uses it with clearly show that it is meant in fondness and was a gradual change from a name that was meant to poke at him. It’s meaning is is fond and loving and it was only used 3 times prior with any other (negative) intent.

Also friends give each other nicknames, and commonly they are meant to be teasing.

There is one other thing I’ve seen brought up, being Annabeth thinking that she needs to keep Percy on his toes (specifically about Rachel in this case) when they’re in Tartarus.

‘Rachel?’ Percy asked. ‘You mean our Rachel? Oracle of Delphi Rachel?’

‘That’s the one.’ Annabeth suppressed a smile.

Whenever she brought up Rachel’s name, Percy got nervous. At one point, Rachel had been interested in dating Percy. That was ancient history. Rachel and Annabeth were good friends now. But Annabeth didn’t mind making Percy a little uneasy. You had to keep your boyfriend on his toes. (HOH, didn’t bother to check chapter number, page 109 of my copy)

So here we see that Annabeth is “keeping him on his toes” but in context, they’re sending a note to Rachel through the Hermes temple in Tartarus. It was not Annabeth bringing it up to mess with him, it was her smiling at the little moment where he was thrown off about Rachel.

Frankly, in general Annabeth doesn’t do anything like that. She occasionally teases Percy but he always teases back. After the Rachel stuff in book 5 things were chill with all of them. We’ve seen no evidence of Percy being uncomfortable with Rachel being brought up, nor Annabeth thinking that it should be brought up for that purpose.

If anything Annabeth has shown some serious abandonment issues in fearing that Percy would leave her over other girls (she needs some therapy after that mess of a childhood but Khiron apparenlty doesn’t think so).

I see this as a case of bad writing with nothing else supporting it, including the scene it happens in.

Even had it actually been something supported by other instances, in the context she says it in it seems more like teasing over an ex where the break was amicable and everyone is still friends, which isn’t abusive or manipulative.

It’s just that Rick is tasteless.

So is Percabeth emotionally/psychologically/verbally abusive? No.

If someone wishes to bring up other instances shoot me an ask.

So in conclusion,

I do not see how it is abusive. There are elements I do not like, and some parts that in my own relationship I wouldn’t be okay with. But in Percy and Annabeth’s relationship they have clear boundaries, they are both more than capable of stopping the other if they do something that upsets them. They have both shown fondness towards the others actions even if it is something that we don’t approve of in our relationships.

If Percy showed upset at her actions that would be different. But we literally see into his mind and he shows no upset at her words or actions. He is fond, he is understanding, and he responds to each instance of teasing with teasing of his own.

Notably I never see people saying Percy is abusive, only Annabeth.

I get a feel that people ask for flawed characters then crucify them if they’re not flawed in easily likeable ways. Annabeth is not a perfect character, I don’t like everything she does, but she is a realistic character and should not be demonized.

TDLR: Annabeth has never purposefully harmed Percy, and Percy has never purposefully harmed her. Neither have verbally/emotionally/psychological taken actions with the intent of harming the other when in their relationship or since becoming friends. There have been instances of upsetting the other but they talked and it clearly was not meant to hurt the other but because they themselves were hurting

Percabeth is not abusive