#to scroll on by kthnx

[perfectlyhappypumpkin]

ALSO I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT THE FURTHER I SCROLL DOWN THE MORE THIS FUCKING APP LAGS!!!!!

[its-been-rose]

I can’t believe what I’ve become

(Pinup wips under the cut…. Those with sweet under 18 angel baby eyes just scroll kthnx)

what have I done

[multifairyus]

Brelwyn Story Playlists Volume I: Rise and Fall

It's here :) keeping this intro brief to facilitate easy mobile scrolling, so please see the comments for additional context.

Since finishing Bloodmarked earlier this month, I've undergone a creative renaissance in consuming Brelwyn fandom content and discovered a new hobby: story playlist making! I'm very proud of my work and to have a new avenue of creativity to explore. My biggest wish is that these playlists can serve fellow fans as inspiration to create or mood setters to engage in fan works. Or at the very least, as new music exposure to anyone kind enough to check them out :3

There are currently two playlists that are both two hours long, and have an AO3-type content warning of M. They are intended to be listened in order as they narrate an evolution of emotions, and are companion pieces. Individual songs outside the context of the playlist can describe specific perspectives and moments in time, and have narrative value as well. That said, all the instrumental tracks selected denote shifts in the emotional progression--you'll notice they're all specifically violin pieces. Music is just magic by another name, I think.

Of Our Own Volition: Selwyn rises into love with Bree. Structured as a conversation between the two as their mindsets shift from doubt, to trust, to pleasure, to eventual mutual devotion. Genres include: R&B, trap-soul, indie-R&B.

Spotify

Apple Music

YouTube Playlist

Demonia's Descent: Selwyn falls into demonia. Structured as the thought progression of Sel succumbing, from his murderous intent, to devotion, to obsession, to eventual predation towards Bree. Genres include: alternative rock, indietronica, synthpop.

Spotify

Apple Music

YouTube Playlist

kthnx bai 💖

~Fairy

[bristhoughts]

scrolling through twitter/reddit the other day, i found a post about how cl@nas never talk shit about clois/lois/erica and i have to laugh. because y’all DO. maybe some of y’all don’t but to say NONE of y’all do is absurd. and what really gets me is that while cloisers talk shit about lana— a fictional character, they NEVER say anything about kk. a LOT of cl@nas are ALWAYS talking shit not only about lois (which is fine to hate a CHARACTER) but erica. a woman who has done NOTHING but shown kindness to everyone she meets. like why do y’all feel the need to bring down one woman to uplift another?? kk AND erica are both beautiful women and i don’t see why y’all need to constantly compare the two. didn’t your mother ever tell you “if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all?” can we all just agree to this and move the fuck along? kthnx. 👍🏼

[iamanartichoke]

I am posting this mostly to get it off my chest, and I'll probably regret it, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think the biggest problem I have with Fandom Wank(tm) in regards to positivity or negativity, is what bothers me has literally nothing to do with whether one's positivity/negativity will turn out to be right.

last night I followed a couple of posts and went down a rabbit hole of "series negativity" bashers' posts, bc apparently I hate myself and do not wish to be in a good mental space right now, and the common thread I noticed is that those who are overwhelmingly positive and take issue with criticism seem to be doing so bc they see their own versions of Loki being portrayed on-screen, either as how they've interpreted him as a character in generral or as how they've written him in fics. And not only are they fiercely protective of those versions but they also get validation from the confirmation that their Loki is The Right Loki(tm). Criticism takes the on-screen portrayal (and, subsequently, their own personal versions of The Right Loki(tm)) and says, uh, I can't actually see Loki doing this? I think this is ooc? I think Loki as portrayed here is not consistent with previous portrayals? -

- and suddenly you've got this rabid backlash on your hands where it becomes 'omg stop being toxic,' 'your headcanon is not canon' (look in the mirror), 'this is tom's loki so it's accurate,' 'i see no difference whatsoever in characterization y'all're just deluded and have invented a loki that never existed' (tf????), etc.

And I can't help but conclude that the backlash against criticism/negativity has nothing to do with the criticism itself; it's more to do with the undermining of someone else's validation in how they view this character.

This is purely speculation. There's some mental gymnastics here, admittedly. I could be way off base and I realize that I risk my post being shared and misconstrued and mocked by even posting it publicly. But the only reason I'm writing this - and thus getting it off my chest after my spiral down the rabbit hole - is bc from my point of view, I didn't feel like my experience in enjoying this tv show was being threatened until the discourse backlash over the negativity started spilling onto my dash. Not the negativity itself; the actual discourse. (And, look, there's a lot of negativity that's been posted that I don't agree with whatsoever, and there's other negativity that I may agree with but don't agree that it's an issue, or - my point is, this isn't bc I don't have conflict with the actual arguments themselves.)

Full disclosure: for the first three weeks, I was more positive than not regarding the show. (I think I still am.) I posted about what I liked but I also posted about what I felt was ooc and about the elements I liked less. A lot of my mutuals are not thrilled (to say the least) with the show, so there was already a ton of negativity on my dash and I personally went through a few minor meltdowns on whether or not I was on the right page with my enjoyment when so many others (whose opinions I trust and whose versions of Loki [that I've read] in fic ring true to me) were not sharing that enjoyment.

I did/have been talking it out with friends who feel similarly and I've more or less come to terms with being in the middle. And in the meantime, when I felt like the negativity was not something I wanted to be cognizant of, I skipped those posts entirely. Doing these things allowed me to come to terms with where I was standing regarding my overall feelings on the series, and overall enjoyment with my fandom experience.

And then, mostly after episode 3 (which seems to be the most divisive so far), discourse started popping up on my dash more and more. I'm defining discourse, in this context, as 'wank regarding whether or not Loki is actually ooc, wank over people who enjoy the show not wanting to see the negativity, wanky posts asking people who are critical to reserve judgement until the show has finished airing (but praise is fine)' -

- and suddenly, I feel much more self-conscious about posting my takes. Suddenly I feel much more anxiety about hitting the "post" button when said post is more critical than not. Suddenly I am worried about who, exactly and actually, is reading my posts? Who is going to decide to paraphrase my takes and include them in a 'guess what they're complaining about NOW' post? Who is going to decide to pass around a post I've made only to mock it, as has happened to some of my friends already?

Over the past three days, I have gotten 30+ new followers, and instead of feeling good about it - hey, some of these may be porn bots but still, people are interested in my blog?! - I feel just increasing anxiety about it bc, I mean, I don't know who anyone is or what they're here for.

I do not feel secure in the current fandom environment, is what I'm saying, and the reason I do not feel secure is not because of the negativity; it's because of the wank coming from the people who post about the negativity and mock the negativity and call other fans deluded stans who have a shitty grasp on characterization, story telling, and Loki in general. It's Ragnarok bullshit all over again, only worse.

And this circles me back to my original point, which is that the anxiety and the wank/discourse and whatever else really has nothing to do with the on-screen portrayal of Loki.

For me, personally? It took me awhile to realize it, admittedly, but I did realize that I do not care if what I perceive as ooc actually isn't. I do not care if the final product of Loki - once the entire series has aired - is a different Loki than what I've written and perceived as "my" Loki all this time. It's not going to make me feel like less of a fan or less valid; it's just going to make me feel like I have a perception of Loki that may differ in some ways with "canon Loki" but is still similar enough that I will continue to enjoy engaging with him and writing meta about him and writing fic about him and sharing those things with people who view Loki similarly. Likewise, I am not going to feel less valid as a writer and a critical thinker; it doesn't make me feel like I have anything to prove.

So if the root of the wank is coming down to the negativity making you feel less valid or less vindicated bc "your" Loki matches the show but is being called ooc by a lot of other fans, like, maybe take a step back and consider not taking it personally? Maybe really think about why the fact that negativity exists bothers you so much? Bc I mean, at the end of the day, it's not like Tom Hiddleston himself is going to descend from the clouds with a choir of angels singing and acknowledge any one of us as The One True Fan Who Has The Best Interpretation Ever of Loki. So what actual difference does it make if (we agree or disagree that) he's ooc or not?

Ultimately I'm just saying, there is definitely wank that is ruining the fandom atmosphere and the show in general, and it's not coming from those who are posting their negativity and criticism of the source material.

*Disclaimer that this is how I am perceiving and interpreting things today and possibly in general, but I'm not necessarily saying that my perception is factual to what is actually happening. I don't know what is happening. This is the guess that I've come up with in order to reconcile the fandom discomfort I feel, discomfort which is ruining the show for me, and where it's all coming from.

** Second disclaimer that I have unfollowed those who were participating in the wank, if I was following them in the first place, to the point that it made me uncomfortable, and obviously this post doesn't apply to everyone bc there is a certain amount of just being tired of it that I understand, so if we're mutuals, this doesn't apply to you regardless of where you stand on the wank.

*** Third disclaimer that said fandom environment is what makes me feel like I have to add disclaimers on every fucking thing I say, partly bc people read what they want to read and partly bc I have very debilitating anxiety regarding being misunderstood.

[healingheartdogs]

Really funny that my herdy spitzy toy mix puppy came pre-installed with a better natural retrieve to hand than my dual-bred pointer ngl

[dark-unimaginably-stupid-kids]

December

Another drabble. This one is....more cathartic? So lets start with a big ol’ Authors Note:

So it’s come to my attention that the way I met my ex was very /Keith/ like and as such, I’ve come to notice a few more parallels SO....

The following is pretty much how it happened. Well, sans the express mentions of Keith sleeping with Regris and Lance sleeping with Jenny. But ya know. I had to stop eventually. I also didn’t get to fit in the rune readings or the making out in the car and bs-ed a couple things to make them more Lance and Keith--

And ya know, Lance would just be a better man. Sorry not sorry.

If you’re reading this Bright Eyes: why haven’t you deleted me yet? Like you have absolutely no business still following my writing. I’d block you if I wasn’t just morbidly amused by how long you must have to scroll to get through my gay boys, kthnx.

Also, Idk, I guess Keith handled his liquor better than I did.

@meli-reads-all Look I DID IT. We can do fighting for spots later, and maybe I’ll make some ridiculous little short about the blue eyed one too cause /fuck/ my ridiculous Keith-like meet cutes/background stories.

Anywho.

Klance. College AU I guess.

Drinking and smoking (Keith is an alcoholic because I am an alcoholic. -finger guns-)

Keith gets dragged out of his house under the promise of vodka. Ends up opening the door to a boy he really should have been nicer to because wow is Lance everything he ever wanted.

3.9k words

----

The first red flag of the night should have been Jenny’s pushiness. Keith had only hung out with her one time since they’d “become friends” in middle school and now they were taking two classes a semester at the local Uni (if any) and occasionally waved at each other in the hallways.

Hell, Keith hadn’t even done that in months given the shit time he’d had at school and his absolute lack of a desire to pursue any kind of degree.

He’d taken the fall semester off and was still mentally wording the letter to Shiro in his head about how he was going to drop out when Jenny had blown up his phone.

“You’re just being a hermit aren’t you!? Get dressed! I’m coming over!”

Keith eyed the texts and rolled his eyes. He glanced down at himself in his lose Spiderman top and his boxers and shrugged. He was plenty dressed.

“I’m bringing a friend!”

God damn it.

To hang out with an annoying girl he’d technically known for years? Pj top and boxers were fine.

To hang out with said girl and a total stranger?

Fuck.

Okay.

Pants then.

She lived nearby, so he dragged himself out of bed, paused his binge watch of the day (season 8 of Criminal Minds. It had been a while since he’d gone to catch up. They already had ten seasons on Netflix. It was gonna be a nice weekend if Jenny would just leave him alone.)

But then she was there.

Shaybon or whatever her stupid name was.

Keith’s roommate Pidge was out for the day, but she’d left the living room in a bit of a state so while Jenny made herself at home and introduced her friend, Keith tidied up.

Not that he cared about a strangers opinion of his home, but because he didn’t like strangers and it was better to focus on other things while people introduced themselves. The strangers name was Regris. Tall, dark, acceptable.

He watched Keith clean and smirked a lot. Like it amused him.

Keith didn’t really care. He hadn’t planned to entertain, he hadn’t wanted to. Jenny was being a fucking pain springing this on him.

Of course, she was vaguely well meaning? During that one outing they’d been on which was only about a month ago, Jenny had told Keith all about how she’d moved in with her boyfriend only for him to dump her and disappear to go fuck his ex on the same night. Keith had offered her some solidarity in that he was also recently heartbroken.

Though, a fuck buddy who was more buddy than fuck who suddenly decided to drop you for no apparent reason, was slightly lower priority than an actual live in boyfriend; it still hurt and Keith could still vaguely sympathize.

Hell, there was a reason he was binge watching Criminal Minds and wanted to be alone.

He missed Rolo, but what was he going to do? First Rolo didn’t want to fuck anymore, then he didn’t want to be friends, go figure, shit happens.

He’d been fun. And he’d helped Keith get out of his shell for a time. And he’d been comfortable and they always seemed to be on the same page. But you know.

Shit.

Keith had started developing feelings, as it happens when you actually enjoy someone’s presence who you’re also attracted to and have decent chemistry. He’d told Rolo, but he’d tried to explain the friendship mattered more. Keith loved the feeling of being alive far more than he even remotely liked Rolo in that way. And that was what Rolo gave him just by cracking a joke and making a room full of people keel over in laughter.

Rooms full of people.

Pleasant, fun things.

No one whispering no one judging.

Everyone was weird and at their own pace.

Keith missed it all so terribly.

But now all he has was fucking Jenny.

He went into his fridge, took out two beers and sat down at the kitchen table when he’d finished cleaning. Regris eyed the beer as if one was for him but Keith simply rolled his eyes. He opened the first one and downed it, then promptly opened the second one and turned to Jenny.

“So. What are we supposed to do now? Did you come here with a plan or are you two just going to watch Criminal Minds with me?”

It was Jenny’s turn to roll her eyes and she did so with a flourish to her friend. Regris in turn glanced at his phone and shrugged, “Well my friend is having a get together. Not far.”

Keith nodded, took a gulp of his beer, “Great, you two have fun.”

“Oh come on Keith! Don’t be that way!”

Keith stared at Jenny, took another swig, and waited.

Jenny eyed the bottle and finally came up with something that actually interested Keith. She knew this because Keith had made very clear what he’d been doing to cope since the loss of his university family. He was making it very clear now, bottle in hand.

And rather than attempt to dissuade him, she enabled him, “Regris, Thace has alcohol right?”

Keith’s eyebrow arched but he said nothing. Regris laughed, “Uh, yeah? Of course?”

“Probably more beer right?” Keith grumbled, he was almost done with the second bottle now and it was pretty gross. He didn’t like beer, but he’d finished the sweeter drinks earlier and these were left overs from when he used to have friends over, people who wanted to hang out with him and Rolo anyway.

“Well. There will be beer, yeah. But Thace is more of whiskey drinker.”

Keith thought about it. Whiskey had specific side effects in him. Best to avoid around generally attractive men. He was about to open his mouth to say he’d still prefer to pass when Jenny shot up, “Vodka! Tell him there will be vodka!”

Ah yes, because Keith had been drinking when he’d told her the story and she remembered what he’d ordered.

Regris seemed a bit surprised but shrugged it off, “Yeah? Of course he has vodka.”

Keith sighed and turned his attention from Jenny to Regris, “And I’ll be allowed to drink, this vodka, right?”

He scoffed, “Once you’re in the house all the booze is fair game. Thace is cool that way.”

Keith gave himself another moment to assess, considered the fact he’d finished his last bottle and was actually quietly craving the stuff. He also considered how Jenny would never let him hear the end of it if he said no.

“…Alright. But only for the vodka.”

Jenny practically bounced out of her seat and Regris shrugged, “Cool, I’m gonna take a smoke and we’ll head out then.”

Keith watched Regris step onto the porch, cigarette and lighter in hand, and turned back to Jenny, “This your rebound or something?”

The girl looked surprised and waved her hand, “Oh no. Reg and I have been friends for years. But he did say his friend Lo was gonna be there tonight and he might be juuuust my type.”

Keith stared at her for a long moment, sure to be as openly judgmental as possible, but she took it with a proud smile, “Don’t be jealous, maybe we’ll find you a distraction too!”

“Don’t count on it.”

---

Keith was in the middle of pouring his second mixed drink when someone knocked. Jenny was in the backyard, floating around and making friends. Regris was playing pool with Thace—who was a decent enough guy even if he did keep his absolutely beautiful darling huskie locked in the kitchen.

Honestly, Keith preferred the company of the dog.

He just didn’t have it in him to socialize with these people anymore. He wanted to drink and go home and not be in his mind by he time he went to sleep.

He finished a cherry liquor before he realized someone was knocking and sadly put his cup down. He turned and popped his head outside. Thace was sitting, waiting for his turn and chatting with two girls.

“Thace, someone’s here,” Keith said bluntly.

Thace didn’t even look up, “Cool, that’s probably him now,” He said to the girls, then he spoke louder for Keith, “Go open it.”

Keith stood there, “…It’s not my house.”

“So? It’s my friend, go open it?”

Keith could hear Jenny perk up from behind the pool table, “Is it Lo?”

Regris replied to her, clarifying that Lo was still very much on the other side of town.

“Then who is it?” Jenny pressed.

Thace chuckled, “We’ll know once Keith gets the door. Go on.”

Keith still didn’t move, “…It’s not my house. Who goes around strangers houses and opens doors to total—what?!”

“Just get it, it’s probably—” Thace was speaking to the nameless girls again and Jenny chose just then to laugh loudly at Keith’s antics.

With a disgruntled puff Keith turned back into the house, picked up his discarded vodka-cherry-who-remembers-what-else and sipped at it while he made his way to the door just as the questionable someone knocked again.

Keith held the cup with his teeth and fought with the door locks for a second before, by some miracle, finally managing to turn them the right way and pulling the door loose.

“Hey—” Started the stranger.

Keith took the cup out of his mouth and gave the guy at the door a once over, cup in hand and general annoyance rumbling into his generally poor attitude, he looked the stranger dead in his decidedly pretty blue eyes and with his own half lidded in boredom said, “And who the fuck are you supposed to be?”

It was almost comical, if Keith had been paying attention to the social cues. Because the man’s eyes widened and his jaw slackened but there was still the barest hint of an amused smile on his face.

“U-Uh… Leandro?”

“Leo?”

“Lee- Leandro—”

“Alejandro?”

“N-No, my name is—”

“I don’t care.”

Keith turned around and walked straight back the way he’d come, cup back to his lips, “Everyone’s outside I guess.” He said mostly to no one, maybe somewhat to the new guy.

When he made it to the sliding glass door again he announced to the group of strangers who were eagerly awaiting the arrival of their friend, “Some.. Alex or whatever is here.”

“It’s—”

Keith heard him stumble out again but Thace had beamed instead, “Lance! Glad you could make it!”

Keith blinked at the name, considered it, and shrugged. Lance actually wasn’t a bad name. Didn’t sound anything like Alejandro though. How’d that happen.

Oh well.

He went to his corner at the far end of the yard and decided to start nursing his drink. (Though by now, this was probably a bit late)

Especially when Jenny came and joined him, still on her first drink and already bumbling, “man you really do drink don’t you?”

Keith said nothing. She put her cup down in front of him and asked if he wanted to finish it for her. She’d made it too strong. He tried it an agreed, her being a lightweight, this wasn’t going to work out.

They traded drinks.

“So Lance is pretty cute isn’t he?” Jenny started, nudging Keith in the side on his lawn chair.

He glanced across the yard where Lance had joined on the pool game, and this time Keith really looked at him.

“I guess.” Keith mumbled. He was tan, and broad shouldered, and he had a nice smile and kind eyes. He was… almost too good. “He’s the kind of hot who probably knows it and so doesn’t actually expend any effort in meeting people.”

Jenny nudged him harder, some friendly kind of reprimand, “Oh come on Keith, don’t be like that. You’re telling me you’re not into him?”

Keith glanced at him again, watched him turn to face Regris, laugh at a joke.

“I’m not saying that.”

Because he absolutely was not saying that.

But.

“But it’s not like it matters. It’s not like he’d be into me even if I was inclined to wandering into that kind of hell again. It’s cool.”

She pouted her pretty pink lips and Keith rolled his eyes for the hundredth time that night, “Jen. How about you cut to the chase. Lo’s gonna be a no show so you want to go flirt with him. Go, it’s not like I called dibs or anything.”

Her pout stretched into a smile and she clapped him on the back, “Oh, you do know me don’t you!”

Within moments she had taken up residence on a bench beside Lance as he continued to stare straight ahead, probably watching the balls roll across the felt. Keith did too anyway, from the opposite side of the table.

Keith finished her drink without realizing and noticed she’d never even taken his.

His tasted better.

He finished that one too.

At some point during the evening someone very tall came in and took Lance’s spot in the game and Jenny’s attention.

Ah, the elusive Lo, Keith thought to himself, eyeing the guy who’d come in.

Now, Lo was also attractive, but somehow had thrown off less of a…presence.

It was strange.

But then, Keith was drunk.

So what did it matter?

He caught Lance’s eye across the table, noticed how the dark blue t-shirt was just a little tight on his shoulders and made Keith want to walk over and shove his face into the mans chest.

Ridiculous.

Drunk.

Had Jenny’s cup had whiskey? That would have been a problem.

Lance pat his hand down on the empty bench space beside him and nodded to Keith. Keith blinked at him, then at his two empty cups, then at his imaginary impulse control, and decided, “…why not.”

He stood up, probably a little shakily if he was honest, and wandered over to Lance before slumping into the seat he’d been offered, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

It was quiet save for the strangers talking and the snapping of a pool stick against ceramic.

“So your friend Jenny was telling me about you,” Lance started with a little bit of a smile. Something Keith had already seen plenty of so he was aware of the restraint in the expression.

“Was she now?”

“Yeah.”

“And yet you still asked me to sit with you.”

“Oh did I do that?”

“Oh did I read that wrong?”

“No.”

Keith didn’t miss a beat, “Then own it.”

Lance grinned, a severe degree less restraint in the show of teeth, “I wanted you to sit with me.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

Jenny came by, particularly chipper as things seemed to be going well with Lo who was standing to the side chatting with Thace and Regris while a few of the still unnamed strangers had separated into other groups around the yard.

“Do you smoke Lance?” Jenny asked. “I know Keith doesn’t so—”

Lance made a funny croaking noise, like Jenny had just made a bad joke and he was trying to humor her, “No. No. That’s just Reg.”

Keith decided to keep the little mental fanfare from playing in his face. He’d never kissed someone who smoked cigarettes, but he didn’t like the smell and wasn’t inclined to it.

Jenny was about to say something, tapping a pen on Lance’s shoulder (godddd those shoulders) when Regris and the other two vaguely named strangers called her over.

“I didn’t mean—Oh alright, you two keep talking, I’ll leave you alone.” She smiled and ran off to the other side of the yard with the guys.

She’d dropped her pen onto Lance’s lap.

Keith eyed it and before looking up at Lance who shrugged and was about to reach for it, put it on one of the tiny tables on either side of them, when Keith’s hand shout out first.

With the pen now at his disposal, he pulled off the cap with his teeth and grabbed Lance’s arm with his free hand, “I feel like drawing.”

That awkward amused grin was back on Lance’s face and Keith had no idea how to describe how that stupid smile, when registered for what it really was, did ridiculous things to his heart.

“You like to draw?” Lance offered.

Keith made a non-committal noise and started to pen little stars around the freckles on his arm.

“He loves it!” Jenny announced, running back over while the guys started to wander into the house. Neither Keith nor Lance seemed to notice or care that the yard was slowly emptying.

Keith was more distracted by the fingers lightly laying on his thigh as he drew down the man’s arm. Probably would have cared about the fact she was outing him like that otherwise.

“Here, I have a blue one too.” She grinned, “In case he wants an option.” She offered another pen to Lance who smiled good naturedly at her but otherwise didn’t move much for fear of disturbing the little doodle artist.

It was a few minutes later that Keith raised his head from his makeshift canvas and realized most of the yard was empty.

“Where is everyone?”

Lance looked just passed Keith’s head and let out a long slightly high pitched noise, “I… have no idea.”

“Should we go find them?”

“Do you want to?”

“…Not really.”

Lance huffed out a laugh through his nose and raised his hand up toward the yard light, just to see what Keith had drawn.

“Nice. Like a tattoo.”

“The crappiest pen tattoo. Yup.”

“Your turn?”

Keith blinked at him, then at the pen in Lance’s other hand and laughed outright, “Oh. You want to draw on me now?”

Lance arched an eyebrow, (a very nicely formed eyebrow too. But there was no way this guy went out and got them done, right?) “Well it’s only fair isn’t it?”

Keith scrunched up his face and looked thoughtfully up at the yard awning above their heads that was blocking the night sky from view.

“Who said I wanted to be fair.”

Lance laughed again and it made Keith wither in his seat a little, made him want to be compliant. Made him want to make the other happy.

Too much to drink. Probably. For sure. Right?

“Well!” Lance chuckled, “How about I only draw a little, and you can keep working on mine?”

Keith would have said yes regardless, so he offered Lance his hand, “Have at it.”

Lance drew stars too. Equipped with swirls of space dust and crude little ringed planets.

Keith added detail to his night sky, shading and adjusting the “sketch” here and there. Lance giggled occasionally, the pen apparently tickling his skin. Keith wasn’t ticklish, but he did like the way Lance’s palm pressed against his arm as he drew.

When they did eventually walk through the house in search of the rest of the party they didn’t find them. They went out to the front yard, to see if the cars were there, but all vehicles were accounted for.

Keith wasn’t sure what was going on, but Lance pieced it together when he noticed one of the cars had very dull music playing. The window tint made it difficult to see in the dark, but there were definitely people inside.

“That kind of smoking. Damn.” Lance scoffed, motioning toward the car.

Keith finally noticed it then and realized quite suddenly what Jenny had said earlier, “…She thinks I don’t smoke?”

Lance blinked at him. Keith blinked back and then offered him an awkward laugh, “You can forget I said that.”

“Sure.”

“So now what?”

Lance glanced at the packed car, shrugged his shoulder and then motioned for a car parked across the street, “Wanna listen to music?”

“Sure.”

Keith would later try to blame the alcohol for what happened next. When Lance took his hand and pulled him across the street, reaching into his pocket for his car keys. Lance didn’t get the chance to pull them out because Keith had tugged on his hand and turned him around to face him.

Keith stepped forward and Lance stepped back until his own car blocked him in.

Keith wrapped his arms around Lance’s neck, waiting for some kind of confirmation.

He got it in the form of Lance’s arms around his waist and a smile that was so very soft.

Hopeful.

An expression Keith remembered having worn himself, on occasion.

He probably wore it now.

Lance’s eyes were very pretty.

Calming.

Safe.

Lance was a stranger but somehow he was also… home.

These arms kept him stable, covered in little ink stars to match the ones on Keith’s own skin.

When he kissed Lance that night he’d blame it on the alcohol. He’d tell himself it was a one time thing. No big deal.

It wasn’t like Lance’s lips were the softest things he’d ever felt and that his warmth didn’t envelop him and take him somewhere so far away his problems felt so small. It wasn’t like standing there against the little blue sedan in the middle of the night was the closest Keith had ever been to whole.

He’ll tell himself, when they crawl into the car together and end up do nothing more than holding hands and listening to music and telling each other little anecdotes, that it meant nothing.

He’ll tell himself for weeks that he’d been an idiot to type his number into Lance’s phone, that Lance would get tired of him and that it just wouldn’t work out.

He’ll tell himself for months, when he has Lance in his arms almost nightly, that it’s not love.

It’s not love. It’s not love.

He’s not stupid enough to put himself through that again. No.

When Lance tells him how important he is, how special, how…

“God, Kitten, I knew you were mine the moment I saw you.”

It’s not…

“You’re joking right?”

“Okay, you’re right, my first thought was, “who the fuck am I? who the fuck are YOU?” But somewhere between you being a giant psycho and you telling everyone the wrong name I decided. This one. This one is definitely mine.”

“…”

“With your greasy mullet and your pajama top and your attitude.”

“…”

“Definitely all mine.”

Fuck.

“I think…”

“Yeah, Keith?”

“…I think it’s your turn to pick the show tonight.”

“Sure.”

....

.... .... ....

.... .... .... .... ....

When Keith does say he loves him it’s two cups in, Jenny’s number blowing up Lance’s phone, and from the comfort of Lance’s lap.

After the first half a dozen times he says it Lance kisses him so hard he can’t catch his breath. But he still says it hundreds of times that night. Desperate. Because the words really aren’t enough to convey what Lance really does to him. He cries the words against Lance’s lips time and time again. Says them into his neck when he’s buried his face there, trying to breath him in. Says them against his chest as if the closer proximity to his heart will mean something.

He says the stupid word so much it starts to sound synonymous to Lance’s name.

Lance doesn’t say them back.

Keith tells himself it’s because Lance is afraid of the same things he was. He’s afraid to feel things as strongly as Keith let himself that night. He tells himself that. Lance pursued him. Lance chose him. Lance wanted him.

Lance wouldn’t kiss him like that, hold him like that, make him feel like that if it didn’t mean something in the end.

That’s what he tells himself.

He doesn’t need the words. Because Lance’s actions speak for themselves.

And maybe this is the reality where Keith gets to be right.

And maybe this is the reality Jenny was just a being a good friend.

[a-smoakiism]

🎊🎊🎊

For every 🎊 I get I'll recommend a blog [ @youcantknowthat ] accepting

THREE BLOGS IT IS!!! -rubs hands together- okay who to start with...

@daxamcrown cause they just came back again and let me tell you I am so happy they write with me? We met through another blog I’m gonna lowkey promo here but save for more but my wife @alwaysxlate introducing us because they started @ofemeraldarrows and another person I immediately clicked with. We started throwing head canons back and forth and realized not only did we have Oliver and Felicity in common but other characters as well??? Peeta and Katniss, Emma and Killian, uhh... I’m missing a few? but anyway they are mainly at daxamcrown now and while I miss their Oliver you should all totally follow their Mon El as well because they are amazing! 

Next will be-- @atomiism okay I have low key stalked this blog forever but we recently really started writing together and chatting and I cannot be happier? They are truly and amazing Ray Palmer and have fantastic editing skills like for real go look at their blog ASAP and scroll down to the ray.licity edit they just made this morning cause like -heart eyes-. 

and for the third it will be @nevaramon cause they are gonna yell at me for doing this anyway but yes I highly highly highly recommend this OC right here bcause again-- they have me convinced they are not an OC at all and I watch the flash and go ‘huh where is Neva? why isn’t she in this episode- oh wait...’ so I’m pretty sure that Toni ( the mun ) is a writer for the show and just waiting for the right moment to bring Neva in. So yes everyone should follow for this preview of a future character on the show kthnxs :D