#which makes it good but probably not in the intended way

[leovenuslatina]

ETERNAL DESIRE⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°

!!THIS READING IS 18+ MDNI!!

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊✩°｡⋆˚⁺

what makes your FS feel desired?

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊✩°｡⋆˚⁺

₊˚⊹ ᰔ౨ৎ₊this is just a reminder that tarot isn’t permanent or set in stone YOU decide how your life goes no one or nothing else now take a deep breath and choose the pile that calls to you ₊˚⊹ ᰔ౨ৎ₊˚⊹

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

PILE 1 -

King of Pentacles & The Magician

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Your FS like to feel confident pile 1. he likes when stroke his ego make him feel good and you build him up i mean of course everyone does but he mainly likes it when you do it. it means the most to him when you do it especially when you two are making love and you whisper all things he’s doing makes you feel good he’s obsessed with that. Outside of the bedroom your FS likes knowing that you depend upon him that anytime you need him or anything that you come to him. he likes when you make him feel like a “real man” you know chopping wood lifting heavy shit and stuff like that. your FS is OBSESSED with making you feel safe protected and comfortable. whether it’s when some creep is hitting on you and making you feel uncomfortable or his just hold you in his arms. he likes knowing that you trust him completely with everything: soul and mind but especially body. Your FS does put a lot of his identity in what he does and his job so he maybe like really important where he works or in his field. he has a lot of respect which indirectly helps his confidence especially with you he likes to buy you nice things and taking you on trips and luxurious experiences. Lastly your FS LOVES ! communication and hearing words of affirmation from you it does wayyyyy more than you think it does.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

PILE 2 -

Two of Wands & Six of Pentacles

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Immediately pile 2 your FS means business! they love to get shit done they have a long list of goals and they intend to achieve everything on that list and they don’t let anything or anyone stop them. that makes them feel really desired and important and impressive. they like when you challenge them i’m getting that the chase is like a good motivation for them. in the weirdest way what makes them feel wanted is when you act like you don’t want them 🤭. when you tease them and act like a brat for lack of a better word. your FS def wants what they can’t have and when you tell them not right now or no he LOVES IT ! (side note lol): i was having a conversation with my man the other day and i asked him why he kept pursuing me even when i acted like i didn’t want him he said because he was so used to girls throwing themselves at him that when i didn’t he was intrigued and when he got me he felt accomplished. Your FS is the SAME way he’s probably like handsome or really charismatic and when you don’t immediately want him he’s obviously obsessed with you !honestly just being in a relationship with you makes him feel the most desirable. because he views you as the highest prize he could ever win. he sees you as a goal he wants to achieve (not in a bad way!!) he just knows he has to work his hardest to get you and make you happy and keep you happy and that makes him feel really good about himself. he feels like he won at life just because he’s with you 🥰. because they are very goal oriented they LOVE when you give them tasks to do for you like helping you move or helping you with some car troubles. they are a HUGE acts of service kinda guy and he’s the type to do stuff for you before you even asking like filling up your water bottle or washing your car for you or just anything to make your life easier. it’s the same thing in the bedroom. he likes when you tell him what you like and what to do and when he does that and makes you pleased he’s extremely happy with himself.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

PILE 3 -

Knight of Pentacles & Six of Cups

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Your FS prides himself on being who you lean on. He’s ambitious and he’s a GOOD man savanna!!! he’s loyal and faithful if you care about that stuff he is a religious man (only of that applies). What makes your FS feel desirable is knowing that you see him and that you know all he does. he’s the type of guy that doesn’t brag he’s not boastful about all he does. he’s very humble. he’s not in it for any type of praise or recognition. but you truly see him and you’re thankful and appreciative of everything he does for you and that makes him happy literally he’s a simple kinda man it really doesn’t take much to make him happy or feel. your FS is an extremely patient and supportive man he’ll do anything for you even if you have trauma or past experiences that cause you anxiety he’ll be right by your side. this FS is the perfect person for someone who needs a lot of patience and attention and love. he’s very caring and soft and loving. and the look on your face when he hold you or when he sees you happy that is the ultimate compliment to him. like all he wants to do is be a good MAN for you !

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

[saladscream]

Merlin’s forearms are a mystery.

Truly.

Now, in the interest of putting things into context, everyone within Arthur’s circle of daily acquaintances can be said to boast a pair of forearms (except that stable lad who still does a good job with the one remaining arm at his disposal). So, with the exception of Alfred, everyone has a pair of functioning upper limbs. Some of those forearms are hairy, some are smooth. Some are dark, some are pale. Some are spindly, and some are Percival’s. But the one thing they all have in common is that whatever their appearance, they all serve their purpose – and Arthur has absolutely no interest in them beyond the tasks they can accomplish.

Therefore, pray someone explain to Arthur why it is that the sight of Merlin’s bare forearms inevitably makes his mouth run dry.

It is a complete and irksome mystery.

Arthur is inclined to think that they are, on the whole, just regular forearms. But the way they affect him is both baffling and irresistible.

Percival’s battering rams are arguably a thing of beauty, yet Arthur has never had his heart stumble in his chest while gazing upon them wringing laundry. Elyan has the steel arms of a blacksmith for Heaven’s sake, and Arthur’s breath has never hitched in his throat from catching a glimpse of them carrying hauberks and assorted weaponry. Nor has he lost his train of thought from being unexpectedly confronted with Leon’s fine forearms glistening wet and dripping with bath water.

No – all these things have only ever happened for and with Merlin’s forearms.

Arthur would like to think he is suffering from some kind of weird affliction, or maybe some sort of pointless enchantment. But it all feels much too shamefully visceral and instinctive to be so easily excused by exterior influences.

When Arthur tries to be rational about his untoward obsession, he can argue objectively that Merlin’s forearms are aesthetically average. Neither too hairy nor too smooth. Neither too pale nor too dark. Neither too thin nor too thick.

They’re just… long and solid and beautifully virile.

And they make Arthur’s heart do sickening flips in his ribcage whenever they’re on display.

It is just as well that Merlin favours ill-fitting garments that are too long in the sleeves, for otherwise the spellbound prince would probably get very little done – these forearms are impossible to ignore when they’re in the room in all their twin, deceptively strong, masculine glory.

They’re so unchaste somehow. Arthur finds them entrancing.

Who even heard of such a thing as entrancing forearms?!

A mixed clamour erupts in the tavern, half-cheer, half-groan. Merlin has won his arm-wrestling match, much to the uninformed bystanders’ dismay. Arthur’s knights are in stitches, though, and a raucous Gwaine raises Merlin’s victorious arm high in celebration. He rattles him so vigorously in his drunken mirth that Merlin ends up chuckling with his tunic askew and a more plunging neckline than intended.

Which means Arthur is awarded this rarest of impossible visions – a wanton sliver of pale chest – and has to down his tankard of mead a little too fast to put out the nascent heat in the pit of his stomach.

Tagged: @miyriu @neptunesyellowsands @dollopole @shuukichan @merlininthedogpark @kintsugikid-moonysversion @toomanyfanficsbruh @blueliketheclues @solnishkomoon @evedaser @storigami @bertytravelsfar

1 - Merlin's eyes

2 - Merlin's lips

3 - Merlin's hands

4 - Merlin's throat

5 - Merlin's hair

6 - Merlin's ears

7 - Merlin's legs

[persevereforahappyending]

A Legacies Regret |3|

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader

Summary: You were living in New York with your girlfriend, trying to forget about last year and just enjoy life, but that was easier said than done. (Sequel to A Legacies Secret)

Warnings: Murder, Gunshots, Knife Wounds

Word Count: 2.8k

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist | A Legacies Secret Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

You watched the TV in horror as the news reporter continued to go on about a murder that had taken place earlier in the night, seemingly by Ghostface. You really hoped this was all just a coincidence, you were never that lucky though. You looked over at Tara, despite your argument earlier, your hand instantly found hers when the news came on, almost as if it were natural. If Ghostface was really back then you didn’t care what kind of psycho took up the mantle this time around, you vowed to never let anyone hurt Tara ever again and you intend to honor that.

“Did you know them?” You asked when a picture of two boys who went to college with Tara was shown on screen.

“Yeah,” Tara said mindlessly. She got a little crinkle in her brow, which you always found adorable. “They’re in my film class.”

You furrowed your brow; it seemed the two boys on screen killed one of their professors and had a shrine dedicated to Ghostface. You weren’t sure if those kids were just big fans of the movies and when they saw Tara in their class, they decided to live out some sick fantasy or if they planned it. You wouldn’t put it past one of those psychos who thought it was okay to dress up like a serial killer to stalk the survivors of past attacks and follow them wherever they moved, going so far as to enroll in college with their intended victim.

Whatever the boys’ plans was didn’t matter anymore, considering someone had killed them as well. There didn’t seem to be a lot of info on the two kids’ deaths, but the media seemed to think it was the work of Ghostface. You weren’t sure that had ever happened before, different Ghostface competing against each other. Most Ghostface seemed to work with a partner, even if said partners eventually tried to kill each other they never started off on different sides.

If another Ghostface was out there and actually did kill those kids, you wondered what their play was. You weren’t sure what the plan of the college kids was either, but the shrine seemed to indicate they were just some psycho fans. This other Ghostface though, he could be anyone, if he killed the two boys who seemed intent on taking over the mantle then it was probably because he had something bigger planned. It was still yet to be decided if the new guy had an ego and just didn’t want the competition or if he didn’t want what seemed to be a couple of amateurs getting in his way.

“He was weird,” Tara whispered, breaking you out of your thoughts. “But he was nice.”

Your gaze softened at her words, you knew how hard it was for her to make new friends. You and Sam might have been a tad bit protective of Tara, so much so that Sam wouldn’t let anyone new come into the apartment without being vetted first. Anika was the first exception, even before Ethan, who was chads roommate. It was a long process, usually involving a lot of questioning and Sam glaring. Tara hadn’t met anyone who was willing to put up with that yet though, anyone she talked about from school seemed to just be people she met in class and chatted with.

You never even bothered trying to make new friends, which maybe said more about you than anything, but you weren’t about to wander down that path. Anika seemed to be the exception though, she was Mindy’s girlfriend but always made sure to include you. You weren’t sure how much you’d classify Anika as a friend, it wasn’t like the two of you hung out just the two of you, but she was nice and didn’t seem to have any judgment or opinion about you already formed, you didn’t have to fight for her approval or prove that you were good enough for Tara with her.

“We need to leave,” Sam said, once again breaking your thoughts and what was otherwise an uneasy silence. “Pack your bags.”

“What?” Tara yelled, whipping around to face her sister. “No.”

“We can pick up Chad and Mindy on the way out of town.” You had to give it to Sam for trying to sell the idea, but she should have known that would never work with Tara.

“You can’t do this to me.”

“Tara-”

“No! We don’t even know if this is connected to us.” Tara looked back at you for some support and you opened your mouth, but no words came out. You would always support Tara, no matter what, but even you didn’t believe in coincidences this much. There was a flash of hurt on Tara’s face when you didn’t say anything, making you drop your eyes to the floor.

“Can’t we make sure this is actually him,” Tara pointed at the TV, which was now showing a picture of a Ghostface costume. “Before you completely uproot my life and derail my college education.”

You all jumped and spun around at the sound of a door creaking open. You released a shaky breath when you saw it was just Quinn. She stumbled out of her room, her robe clearly hastily thrown on, she was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with one hand while the other held out a phone to Sam.

“My dad wants to talk to you,” Quinn mumbled sleepily.

“I gotta go,” Sam said to whoever she was talking to before. “Stay together, stay safe, and don’t trust anyone.” You let out a small hum, she had most likely been talking to Mindy or Chad, which hopefully meant they were together, at least that way they’d stand a chance if Ghostface really was back.

Sam cautiously took the phone from Bailey and brought it to her ear. “Detective Bailey?” She asked, almost as if she didn’t fully believe that Quinn’s dad would be on the other end.

You watched Sam as she listened to whatever detective Bailey was telling her; you could see the way Sam’s frown only deepened with his words. “Okay,” she said. “I’m on my way.” With that she hung up and handed Quinn back her phone.

“What did he say?” Tara asked. Sam didn’t answer as she made her way across the room. “Is Ghostface back?” Sam grabbed her keys from the table by the door and began to slip on her jacket. “Where are you going?” Tara followed after her sister, and you followed after Tara.

“Detective Bailey needs me to come to the station,” Sam finally stopped and answered her sister. “He said they found my ID at the crime scene.” Sam let out a sigh and ran a hand through her hair, you couldn’t imagine how exhausting this all was for her.

You didn’t even want to begin to imagine what it meant that Sam’s ID was found at the crime scene. You remembered when Sam lost her ID, she had to spend nearly the whole day at the DMV to get a new one. The two kids could have gotten her ID for some reason, they had class with Tara, but they never had access to the apartment. That meant whoever the new Ghostface was somehow stole Sam’s ID without her ever knowing, whether that was by getting into the apartment or snagging her wallet while she was at work you didn’t know.

“Well, you’re not going alone,” Tara said, grabbing her own jacket.

“No,” Sam said, holding up her hand to keep Tara from following. “You’re staying here.” Sam glanced past Tara at you, silently begging you to agree with her and try and convince Tara to stay.

You opened and closed your mouth a few times and gave Sam an apologetic shrug. “I’ve never had much luck going off solo,” you said. The first time you left Tara’s side last year someone was killed right outside of your place of work, then the second time you yourself were attacked in your own apartment, and then there was the time you and Tara were left at the hospital. If you took anything away from the attacks last year it was that splitting up was never a good idea.

“Safety in numbers, yeah?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sam rolled her eyes as she ran a hand through her hair. “Fine,” Sam groaned. “But don’t leave my side,” she pointed her finger at Tara, giving her a knowing look.

You waited for Tara to agree to Sam’s terms, which she quickly did, though not without an eyeroll. The three of you left the apartment, with Sam making sure to lock all the locks and triple checking that everything was in fact locked. Sam didn’t seem to be wasting any time as she rushed down the several flights of stairs, with Tara right behind her and you doing your best to not fall behind.

As soon as you got out into the night you looked both ways, like you always did when you left the apartment. You weren’t even sure what time it was; you had no idea how much sleep you got, all you knew was that the sky was still dark and there were still people walking around.

You stayed close to Tara as Sam led the way. Sam slowly came to a stop and pulled out her phone. You furrowed your brow as you got closer and looked at Sam questioningly when you saw the name on the screen.

“What the hell,” Tara whispered.

“I never deleted his number,” Sam mumbled.

“Ignore it,” you said. You didn’t need to hear Ghostface’s voice over the phone to know he was back, the fact that Sam’s very dead boyfriend was calling her was proof enough for you.

Sam elected to ignore you and swiped to answer the phone. You held in your eye roll, no one ever listened to you, you should have really been used to it at this point. You couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation once again, but you watched Sam pace back and forth as she threatened whoever this new guy was.

You caught a blur of movement out of the side of your eye, you didn’t wait to see what it was, you just grabbed Tara and yanked her back. You hissed as you felt something slice across your arm. You quickly pulled your arm away, already seeing a stream of blood pouring down your arm.

Your eyes widened when you turned and saw Ghostface raising their knife again. He never got a chance to swing it at you though because Sam dealt a harsh kick to their stomach, then pushed him to the ground. “Run!” she called out.

The three of you took off down the street, not waiting around for him to recover. “There!” Sam pointed at a little bodega at the corner of the street.

The three of you ran across the street, ignoring traffic laws in the process. You didn’t look back, but you were sure Ghostface was already up and chasing after you again. Sam ripped open the door to the bodega, not bothering to apologize as she pushed the patrons that were standing in line back.

“You need to call the police,” Sam said.

There was a lot of shouting and arguing, the customers pushing their way back into line. Everyone went silent when a second later the door was flung open and Ghostface was standing there. You pushed Tara behind you and began nudging her backwards, further into the bodega. One of the men that was standing in line tried standing up to Ghostface, you weren’t sure if he was that confident or if he truly had no idea what he was getting into.

Ghostface didn’t bother entertaining the man though as he quickly swiped his knife across the man’s neck. The owner of the bodega whipped out a shotgun from underneath the counter and aimed it at Ghostface.

“Back here!” Sam called out. You glanced back to see Sam was running to the door at the back of the building. You and Tara followed after her but were quickly stopped as the door was locked. “Keys!” Sam ran back towards the owner, who instantly tossed her the keys.

You stood behind Tara, with Sam in front of her as she tried to unlock the door. You kept your eyes on the commotion at the front of the store. The owner had fired a couple shots, but Ghostface seemed to have ducked behind one of the shelves while the customers all ran out to where it was safe.

“Dammit,” you heard Sam whisper.

You spared a glance back to see her struggling with the lock. You looked back in front of you just as the owner came around the counter and was grabbed by Ghostface. Ghostface quickly overpowered the man, flipping the shotgun around and not hesitating to pull the trigger.

“Move!” you said, grabbing Tara and Sam and pulling them to safety just as Sam got the door unlocked.

You pushed the two of them to the ground, quickly crawling around the shelves as Ghostface fired a few more shots. You raised your hands, trying to cover your head as debris from the shelves fell on you. After going down a few rows you quickly slid behind one of the shelves, the three of you holding your breath and pressing your backs against it.

You glanced to the side, using the holes in the shelf to sneak a peek at Ghostface. You saw him round the corner, his boot crunching the shattered glass on the floor. You quickly pulled your head back and glanced at the girls, Tara was shaking on the floor next to you, you couldn’t help but slide your hand across the floor and intertwine your pinky with hers.

You looked past Tara and met Sam’s eyes. You used your hand not holding Tara’s to point in the direction Ghostface was. Sam nodded and as quietly as she could she reached across the floor a picked up a can. She raised a finger to her lips, and you nodded, giving Tara’s hand a tight squeeze to make her look up at you. You gave her what you hoped was a comforting smile and nodded to follow Sam’s lead.

You waited for Sam’s signal; you tried not to let the fact that all you could hear was Ghostface’s footsteps distract you. You winced and looked down, remembering the cut on your arm, there seemed to still be a nice stream of blood, which was quickly pooling on the ground between your and Tara’s hands.

Sam gestured for you to move. You held in a groan as you got into position, crawling on the floor across broken glass and other debris was not good for your knee. Tara glanced back at you, and you didn’t miss the worry in her eyes, so you gave her a reassuring nod. Then you gave Sam a nod to show that the two of you were ready.

Sam rolled the can under the shelf towards the back of the store. As soon as the noise of the can rumbled against the floor Ghostface fired the gun again. The three of you took the opportunity to run, keeping your heads down below the shelving.

You were about to round the corner of the shelf when you peaked over the top of the shelf, seeing Ghostface turning in your direction. “Down!” you called out, watching as the sisters dropped to the floor.

You dropped to the floor as well, groaning at the strain it took on your knee. You landed on your back and could see the boots of Ghostface as he made his way down the aisle. You shot up from the floor, ignoring the shooting pain in your knee and threw your body into the shelf, tipping it over onto Ghostface.

“Come on!” Sam called out.

You pushed yourself off the shelf, hopping and wincing at the pressure on your knee. You tensed when you felt a hand wrap around your side but instantly relaxed when you realized it was Tara. You put an arm around Tara as she helped you walk out of the bodega. By the time the three of you got outside the police cars were pulling up.

You leaned on Tara as you tried to take the weight off of your knee. It seemed that Ghostface was truly back, and this one had no problem killing anyone who got in his way. You didn’t face this Ghostface head on, but he carried himself different than Amber or Richie ever did, he handled the shotgun almost effortlessly, whoever this guy was, it was clear he knew what he was doing.

Taglist: @mamas-evil-hag @thatshyboy1998 @btay3115 @idontliketoread2137 @nwestra

@honorarysimp @canyonyodeler @chxrry-lov3 @aceofspades190 @worstendingever

[simmerandwrite]

electric touch (part 2)

Pairing: Bucky x medical team! reader

Summary: Getting a spot on the field medical team was your dream. And your closest work friend Bucky Barnes finally asking you out? That was the cherry on top of your good news. Now all you had to do was pass your training week. Seems easy enough until you’re faced with someone who doesn’t want to see you win.

Warnings: abuse of power, verbal abuse, physical assault, some PTSD (but none of these are because of Bucky!!!!)

Wordcount: 8.5k

Part 1

Notes: WELP, sorry for the delay on this one. I've never rewritten so many scenes before (I have about 2k worth of trash from this part). thank you so much for your patience and for reading and reblogging part 1. hope you enjoy!!! <3

--

You didn’t anticipate the first-time seeing Bucky’s apartment would be like this: after two hours spent at a private clinic in Midtown, getting an x-ray then a consultation with a Dr. Alvarez, followed by the application of a cast. Then there was a visit from Tony Stark himself, alongside Pepper Potts, who carried a great amount of apologies and offered support for whatever the next steps ended up being.

Not once did you think you would be sneaking into the Tower through a back elevator, arm resting in a sling, shuffling your feet quietly beside Bucky as you ventured to his apartment, and feeling somehow both on edge and utterly exhausted throughout the whole process. And Bucky checked in with you every step of the way – sometimes with just a cursory glance. He managed to say so much without saying anything at all, and you really appreciated that.

God, he was so careful with you. Gentle, even. Gentle wasn’t the first word you would use to describe Bucky. Not that he was rough or reckless or brutish or whatever the opposite of gentle was. When it came to you, he was always kind and quiet and attentive.

But the way he spoke to you, how he had apologized after every bump and pothole as the ground shook his car, how he held his hand at your back as he guided you to his door - it was unexpected and gentle and exactly what kept you from spiraling. 

Despite all that, you wanted to visit his apartment for the first time excited, with butterflies in your stomach. Why did it have to be like this?

When you got to his door, there was a Stark Industries bag hanging off the handle. Bucky paused, then nodded with a hum before scanning his access card to open the door. 

The living spaces at the Tower were pretty basic, and you knew Bucky wasn’t intending on staying there forever, but he somehow managed to make it feel like his home nonetheless. 

A basic kitchen was immediately on your left as you walked in, open directly into the living room - which had a big, comfortable couch covered in a few pillows and blankets. You carefully fell into it, eyes closed. The impact made you wince but you decided it was worth it, given how you sank into the cushions.

“So, what do you want to eat?” Bucky had stopped in the kitchen area, grabbing what looked like a stack of menus from the top of the fridge.

You just shrugged, glancing over at him briefly before closing your eyes. “I’m not really hungry.”

Even though you weren’t looking at him, you could sense the frown on his face.

He sighed out your name. “Didn’t we just learn a lesson about taking those intense pain meds on an empty stomach?” He paused. “Actually, you think about it, I’m going to change...”

You squeezed your eyes even harder, trying to scrub away that recent memory. 

The doctor had been fitting the temporary cast on your hand and wrist just as whatever remaining particles of pain medication seemed to disappear from your bloodstream. That had been enough to make you feel nauseated but then when a nurse came to share some stronger meds with you, Bucky was quick to grab the nearest trash can when they immediately made you throw up. 

Most of it made it into the can, at least.

Now he was probably going to change out of his shirt that had been hit with the rest.

In the few moments of quiet while Bucky was in his bedroom, everything about the last few days hit you all at once. 

Boone. The gym. Your face on the mat. The way he yelled, screamed. Why hadn’t you left? 

Your couch. The growing pain. The purple and yellow and blue bruises. Why didn’t you just walk away?

Bucky.

Bucky at your door, with soup. Bucky with his tender touch. Your hand.

Pepper Potts, her kindness. 

The doctor.

The doctor said something about surgery after seeing your x-ray. Metacarpal break in your hand, down from the ring finger, and a hairline fracture down your wrist.

Pepper had been so kind but what was it she said about a police report? About filing a report with HR? What had she said about taking a break from work?

Bucky, Bucky had been so patient. He hadn’t left your side. But–

How would you ever write again? Could you hold a pen? Would you be able to do your job? Now you wouldn’t have your new role and you’d be shit at your current job, too. How could a nurse function without typing notes or holding a stethoscope or –

Boone. The gym. Your face on the mat. Bucky. Boone. Bucky. Your hand and this cast and this goddamn sling.

In your slurry of thoughts, you hadn’t even realized the tight feeling growing in your chest. Instinctually, you tried to place a hand over your heart and – pain, your wrist. Heaving in deep breaths, it felt as if your lungs couldn’t handle functioning properly.

And your skin - everything felt too hot. You shuffled forward on the couch until you were closer to the floor, dropping to your knees as you tore at your sweatshirt with one hand. It was only halfway zipped up, barely draped over your shoulders, and just so so so hot - were you dripping with sweat?

Could Bucky hear as you called out for him? God, what if he just changed his mind - you were a mess, this wasn’t the person he knew and definitely wasn’t the person he asked out.

How could he be proud of you now?

You tore off your glasses as tears started to fall.

Your name, someone was saying your name. 

Were you under water? It felt like you were under water. Your skin - hot. Your hand, your wrist – pain. 

Boone. 

You collapsed further, bracing yourself on the rug with your free hand. It was strangely soft under your palm. Bucky’s apartment had a soft rug.

Bucky. Bucky was saying your name. 

“Hey, hey. You’re okay.” 

He sounded close, so close. You blinked through your tears and saw he had dropped down beside you on the floor. 

“Sweetheart, can I - can I touch you? Is that okay?”

You nodded, peeking your head up to look at him. Everything was blurry. 

Slowly, he reached out and pressed one hand against your chest, firm. The other was running up and down your back. You listened to him carefully as he talked you through whatever this episode was, breathing in tandem as he applied just enough pressure to your chest and shoulders to really ground you beside him. 

He spoke your name, trying to keep your attention. “Talk to me, please.”

“Bucky - I..” You closed your eyes, sparing a moment to breathe at his pace. His hand pressed against your chest didn’t let up but he helped you lean back against the couch. “I’m scared.. Boone, he.. What if.. My hand..”

“I promise you’re never going to see him again.”

“No, no. I’m not..” Another deep breath. Your heart rate seemed to steady. “I’m not scared of seeing him. I want to.. I want to break his jaw or.. I wasn’t strong enough to even try..” You lifted your arm, tight in the cast and sling. “I won’t even be able to do that. He – I fucked up my hand and I - how can I even do my job or write anything or hold anything or even text? And I - I’ve never had surgery before and I’m - I’m scared something will go wrong and I won’t get to join the med team and I - How can I..” You could feel yourself starting to hyperventilate. “He kept yelling at me to fight back.. Fight back and-and prove myself! I should have – I should have just walked away, I should have–”

You couldn’t quite remember how the shift happened - but you were soon back on the couch, gently turned towards Bucky as he wrapped his arm around you. Time seemed to disappear as you cried into the crook of his shoulder. 

Maybe it wasn’t the most comfortable position as your hand pulsed in pain, but the close feeling, the touch of Bucky, the heat radiating from him - the combination soothed you. 

Bucky seemed to sense the exact moment your heart rate returned back to normal, as he very gently nudged you away just enough to peer down at you. He reached for your glasses and secured them back to where they belonged then offered you a soft smile.

“I don’t want to, uh, invalidate your feelings,” Bucky started then quickly paused. “Christ, I sound like Steve.”

That made you laugh.

“But you’ve gotta know that the doctor who's going to fix your hand will do a damn good job and while maybe you’ll have to take some time off work, you’ll be able to adapt until you fully heal. I promise.” He shifted and grabbed your available hand. “And surgery can be scary but I’ll be there the whole time and wait for you after, okay?”

“You’ll do that?”

Bucky seemed to falter after another moment. “Only if you want me, I don’t want to assume–”

“No, no. I do. I just..” You let out a slow breath. “I.. I’m really grateful to be right here, with you. I’m glad you didn’t leave my apartment earlier, even when I was pushing you out.”

Now he had a chance to laugh. “Yeah, I think we both know I wasn’t going anywhere, sweetheart. Now, you need to eat something. Any requests?”

Half an hour later Bucky was unpacking a delivery bag and handing you a meal and a dose of medication that you had brought home from the clinic. Admittedly, the warm food helped settle you even more and you had a feeling that you’d fall asleep quickly.

The bag hanging from Bucky’s door was full of overnight essentials, including a Stark Industries branded t-shirt and matching sweatpants. You managed to change and brush your teeth with only one hand, then found Bucky waiting for you in the hallway.

“I got my bed set up with extra pillows for you.”

You glanced into his room, then craned your neck to look back towards the living room. A lone pillow and blanket created a makeshift bed on the couch cushions.

Bucky answered the question on your mind: “I’m sleeping on the couch.”

You scrunched your face up. “No.”

“No?” Bucky repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Even with extra pillows, I think there is definitely room for us both.” You stepped into his room and surveyed the space. Again, although a bit basic and free from any excess, it felt like Bucky lived there. A framed picture of him and Steve lived on his dresser. A basket of unfolded laundry sat outside his closet door. An extra pair of boots leaned up against his bedside table. 

Bucky let out a long breath, saying your name quietly. He shook his head then motioned towards the bed. “Okay.”

It took a few moments to adjust into a position that felt comfortable enough for you. Bucky helped you rearrange some of the pillows before he very cautiously joined you in the bed, doing his best to not create any extra movement to jostle you. 

Silence took over a few moments later, when he reached down and grabbed your left hand. 

You squeezed his palm, speaking through a yawn. “This isn’t how I pictured us sharing a bed for the first time.”

He laughed in return, shifting against his pillow. “Me neither, doll.” 

Then, you heard Bucky move again. And after a sweet mumbling of goodnight, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

--

To say Bucky was reluctant to leave you alone was an understatement. But once you settled into his bed, the pain medication seemed to finally kick in and you were out like a light. He left a small note on the bedside table, near your phone, to let you know he’d be back quickly and to call for FRIDAY if you needed anything. As he slipped into the hallway, secured in a black hoodie, he glanced towards his phone.

Tony’s message had been nondescript, but Bucky understood enough he had information about Boone. Tony insinuated earlier he was already digging into the video footage and how to proceed, but knew Bucky would want to be informed every step of the way.

Not that it mattered - Bucky already had a plan: find Boone then kill him.

Okay, no, no. Bucky couldn’t kill him. He’d never take a life like that again but… well, he had already considered a thousand different scenarios that left Boone to deal with the consequences of his actions. 

Bucky cracked his neck as he got into the elevator, shooting up to Tony’s lab. He stepped out directly into the space, following the echo of Tony’s voice somewhere inside. Bucky found him standing behind one of his workstations, hands flying around as he swiped at the screens illuminated ahead.

Tony paused, pivoting slightly as he shuffled a few things around on his desk. He leaned towards the end of his workspace, hooked his foot on the bottom of a wheeled chair and slid it in Bucky’s direction.

“How is she?” Tony asked, perching on the side of his workstation as Bucky sat.

Bucky shook his head. How could he even answer that? “Finally sleeping.”

“I hope they gave her the good stuff.” Tony’s fingers tapped against the side of the desk. “You know, Dr. Alvarez told me your girl must have a high pain tolerance given the severity of that break.” Before Bucky even had a chance to defend your non-relationship status, Tony carried on. “But Barnes - she’s tough, really tough. Look.”

Bucky turned his head to the screens, as a series of video captures started playing on the screen. It was footage of you - from the training gym, during all your sessions the week prior. 

Tough didn’t seem like enough. You were strategic and resilient and smart. Sure, maybe you needed to work on your pace and Bucky could certainly give you some pointers when it came to aim, he was still impressed.

“Here’s the thing.” Tony paused the footage. “When this incident happened– listen, I know incident isn’t the right word here. But when it happened, someone retroactively cut out some security footage.” He shifted his hand and tapped the screen again. “I just recovered it. And I am looking into how that imbecile managed to bypass the admin code for the security logs.”

“Did you watch it?” Bucky held his breath, tearing his eyes from the screen back towards Tony who shook his head. 

“Not yet.”

Bucky flicked his hand to the screen, to signal for Tony to show him. Bucky stood from his chair and crossed his arms once the video started.

As he watched, the anger flared up in Bucky almost instantly. Just seeing you alone with Boone in the gym made his stomach drop but when Boone shoved you down, Bucky growled.

The footage didn’t have any audio, though Bucky had a feeling that if he could also hear whatever Boone had been shouting at you, he’d be trashing Tony’s lab just to deal with his frustration. 

At first, everything seemed normal enough. Bucky sucked in a breath when Boone pulled off your glasses. His fist clenched tightly when Boone pushed you down to your knees. When Boone’s hand touched your head…

“Good for her,” Tony muttered out when you quickly started to fight back. 

When Boone escalated things though - as your face dragged against the mat, as he pulled at your arms, how he followed up as you tried to crawl away, as he clearly shouted and stomped his feet down on your hand, Bucky couldn’t help but boil over. He let out another growl and grabbed a nearby stool, snapping it over his knee.

He dropped the wooden shards to the ground, apologizing to Tony before requesting he turn off the video.

“Listen,” Tony raised his hands, as if to forgive Bucky for the outburst. “I can’t put Pepper through the PR nightmare if you kill this guy.”

“I’m not going to..” Bucky sucked in a breath. Well, he wasn’t going to speak in absolutes or promises. He could barely see past the red in his eyes, there was no point in lying.

Tony let out a small yelp. “Oh, hold on. Let’s..” He dropped back down onto a rolling chair and moved towards one of his computer screens. “FRIDAY, let’s pull up the last 6th months of data for Agent Nathan Boone. Every swipe in, hour worked, blah blah blah. You know the drill.”

Bucky tried to follow Tony’s thought process, crossing his arms as he watched the screens compile different information.

“When does he usually go to the gym?” Tony asked, swiping ahead of him as he scanned over the data.

FRIDAY’s lilt echoed above them. “Agent Boone, on average, visits the gym every day he is on schedule. He first enters usually between 6 and 6:07AM.”

Tony nodded. “Okay, and when was the last time we did diagnostics on the gym security system?”

“Well, boss, this system doesn’t require regular diagnostics due to the software protection.”

“Right. Then it sounds like we’re due.” Tony shot a glance over his shoulder to meet Bucky’s gaze. “Let’s run it in the morning, around 6AM. Full system shut down - including cameras - for half an hour?”

Bucky grunted. “Make it an hour.”

--

 Following his visit to Tony’s lab, which actually concluded with sharing a glass of whiskey, Bucky made a plan. 

He returned to his apartment and bed, where he luckily found you still sleeping soundly. When you both stirred awake a few hours later, just shy of sunrise, Bucky encouraged you to stay in bed while he hit the gym.

You barely argued as your eyes fluttered shut again, wincing only slightly as you adjusted on the bed. Bucky promised to return with breakfast when he was done.

Then, he headed to the gym. He discovered easily how effective a piece of paper could be at deterring people from entering. One well placed ‘Closed for cleaning’ sign and a locked door kept anyone else from accessing the space after Bucky watched Boone enter.

A thousand scenarios flashed through Bucky’s mind when he saw Boone. On top of the flood of thoughts he wrestled with all night long, Bucky was simply itching to rearrange Boone’s entire dumb fucking face.

But, no. No. He had a plan.

Bucky rolled his head slightly, cracked his knuckles, then headed towards the weight area. It wasn’t hard to find Boone, given he was the only other person in the space. That and he was already proving himself obnoxious - blasting music from his phone instead of using headphones.

“Boone.” Bucky approached slowly. Boone looked up as he did, shifting slightly as he sat on the bench and giving Bucky a small nod.

“What’s up, Sarge?” Boone replied. “I guess you and I are the only early birds today. Usually a few more in here. Though with some of these new recruits, I guess I’m not surprised they don’t give a shit about training.

Bucky sucked in a breath before motioning to the weight rack behind Boone as he set up a bench press. “You need a spot?”

Boone shrugged. “Sure.”

“This your warm up?” Bucky smirked, tapping against the plates resting on the bar. “You’ve gotta be doing more than that these days. Cap told me he’s been impressed by your bulking.”

Boone let out a stiff laugh. “I hit a new max rep last week, actually. I realize that’s nothing compared to you and Cap .”

“C’mon then.” Bucky leaned forward and slapped Boone’s shoulder. “Let’s see what you can do.”

Boone stood up on impact, skepticism evident on his face before he sat again. But, he didn’t falter. “Sure.”

Bucky walked over to the weight rack and grabbed two additional heavy plates, sliding them on as Boone laid down and got into position. 

“Speaking of new recruits.” Bucky bristled as he tried to make convincing small talk with Boone and his dumb fucking face. If Boone thought it was out of character, he didn’t mention it. “How’d training go last week?”

Boone laughed, stretching his arms up to brace the bar. “Yeah, it went fine. Most of them passed. That’s on par with the recent cohorts. Usually one or two bail out.”

“Oh yeah?” Bucky crossed his arms, doing everything in his power to reign himself in. 

“Makes sense. Most people aren’t ready - some will never be–” Boone pressed upwards, inhaling a sharp breath as he lifted the bar.

“Too much?” Bucky took half a step backwards.

“No, no.” Boone carried on, barely moving the bar up off the rack. “I’ve got it.” His arms fully extended, as the weight bar swayed slightly between his arms before he positioned it back in place.

Bucky returned to the weight rack and grabbed two more plates. “Nice. You got more in you?”

Boone hesitated, looking backwards to meet Bucky’s gaze. He nodded. “Absolutely.”

Once the new weights were settled, Bucky stood above him again. 

“Hey.” Bucky closed his eyes, moving to the side of the bench to peer down at Boone. Bucky said your name. “She was training with you last week, right?”

Boone froze momentarily then blinked. “Uh, yeah. I remember her.”

“Between you and me - how’d she do?” Bucky rested his hands underneath the bar, temporarily alleviating some of the weight as Boone pressed upwards again. “Do you think she was ready?”

Boone closed his eyes to focus on his lift. “Between you and me,” he echoed to Bucky. “That dumb broad will never be ready.”

A searing heat coursed through Bucky as he released his hands, stepping back as the overweight bar slammed down on Boone’s chest. Boone roared out in pain, whimpering as the entire barbell rolled down onto his throat. As his arms flailed at his side, trying and failing to push it away, Boone tried to call out for Bucky’s help.

Though his anger remained, watching Boone struggle was still enjoyable. And although Bucky would have been happy to see the barbell crush Boone’s windpipe, he eventually did step forward and reach for the weights.

With his left arm, Bucky removed the bar and threw the entire thing to the side. With his right hand, he yanked Boone up off the bench onto his feet.

“Did you forget how to spot me? The fuck?” Boone shouted, eyes widening as he rubbed at his throat. He swung his arm forward and pushed against Bucky’s chest.  “I could have fucking–”

Bucky snarled, shoving Boone back the same way - sending him into the rack holding the weights. Boone bounced off the structure and tumbled to the side, wincing in pain as Bucky stalked after him. “Why don’t you fight back?”

“Barnes, you’re out of your mind. What the fuck–”

“Fight back.” Bucky advanced closer, looming over Boone as he scuttled backwards on the floor.  “Prove yourself.” It was clear to Bucky that reference hit Boone directly. Although he couldn’t bring himself to snap back, Boone’s face grew red. An extra bead of sweat dripped down from his forehead, as he pressed against the wall.

Bucky crouched down, grabbing Boone’s jaw between his metal fingers. “What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?” Bucky said your name slowly. Boone’s eyes briefly widened. “What do you get out of beating up an agent?” 

“I didn’t–” Boone tried to shake his head. “Is she your little girlfriend or something? Listen, I wouldn’t have – I didn’t know she – What did she say–”

“It doesn’t fucking matter if she’s anyone girlfriend, you piece of shit.” Bucky grabbed him by the throat and pulled him back up to his feet, sparing a moment to spit in Boone’s face before he made his next move. Bucky dropped his hand and took one step back, stretching his arms ahead of himself before letting out a growl. “Fight back, Agent Boone. Prove. Yourself.”

--

Despite your nicely medicated sleep in Bucky’s bed, you were tired. And talking to a lawyer and Pepper and HR and a member of the NYPD police, Officer Reyes, about the entire situation again definitely contributed to your exhaustion. 

You were even on your second coffee but it didn’t seem to be helping. Bucky was practically holding you up as he sat at your side. You were in the medical wing at the tower, going through everything you needed before surgery. It had been scheduled quickly - probably at Tony’s request, given his relationship with Dr. Alvarez. And although you didn’t really want to think about the gravity of having surgery, you couldn’t help but look forward to the healing process. You wanted this all to be over already.

“That’s everything we need. You’re prepared for tomorrow. Start fasting at midnight!” 

You thanked your coworker, Jillian, for being a wonderful nurse and securing you back into your sling. Bucky helped you to stand, giving you a once over to make sure you were okay. 

Bucky had been quiet all morning. That wasn’t particularly out of character, but he seemed tense. You didn’t always see every side of him as friends and now with all this - things were shifting. You didn’t mind it, though. You welcomed it, especially after waking up in his bed and relishing in the sense of security that he was at your side.

“Hey Bucky?” You stopped him once you were outside the doors, heading in the direction of the elevators. 

He immediately frowned, searching your face as he turned to face you. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” You offered him a reassuring smile. “But are you?”

“Don’t worry about me, sweetheart.”

You rolled your eyes, extending your good hand to grab his. “If you can worry about me, you must know I worry about you too. Can’t help it.”

Bucky cracked a reluctant smile. “Okay. Well, try not to worry about me right now then, okay? You’ve got enough on your plate.”

Before you could hit him back with another defensive rebuttal, you were interrupted by your name being called down the hallway. It was Pepper and Officer Reyes, again.

You drew in a hard breath, relaxing a tiny bit when you felt Bucky squeeze your hand. He hadn’t let go, and it seemed he didn’t plan to. When the officer asked to speak with you, Bucky took the lead and guided you into the nearest consultation room to have the conversation privately.

Pepper opted to wait outside but Bucky joined you, arms crossed in front of the door while you sat opposite the officer.

You really liked Officer Reyes. She was patient, direct, and took her job very seriously. And right now, that meant dealing with Boone.

“Just to give you a fair update,” she started, folding her hands together on top of the table. “We had the arrest warrant prepared and although he swiped in for work and into the gym this morning, we actually found Nathan Boone at his apartment downtown. He came willingly. In fact, it seemed he was waiting for us. He’s been charged with assault in the third degree and you’ll be happy to know he pled guilty.” 

You sat back in your chair, a sense of relief flooding through you. Although you knew there was video footage and physical proof of Boone’s attack, you still had doubts the judicial system would work in your favour. 

“So, is that it?” You asked cautiously. 

Reyes nodded. “From you? Pretty much.” She tipped her head sideways briefly, considering. “I shouldn’t mention this, but given the circumstances, it must be some sort of karmic payback. Nathan Boone was in bad shape when we found him - the guy will probably need some medical attention himself. We asked him about his injuries but he had nothing to say. Fell down the stairs, so he says.”

“Bad shape?” You couldn’t help but ask. You didn’t have any sympathy for Boone but the curiosity surfaced. 

“I have a feeling he’ll have to squeeze in some x-rays and a visit to a dental surgeon in between his court dates.” Reyes stood and offered her hand, giving you a small smile. “I’ll be in touch if we have any loose ends.”

After she left, you remained in your chair, quiet for a moment before you motioned for Bucky to sit. He was sitting after one swift stride, locking eyes with you.

You started slowly. “I meant to ask. How was your workout this morning?”

Bucky was straight faced, matching your pose across the table. “Good.” 

“Nothing else to share?” You pressed, raising an eyebrow. 

“I always like to have a plan when I go to the gym and this morning, I did exactly what I planned on doing.”

You nodded then leaned back in your chair. You knew you could ask exactly what you wanted and he'd tell you the truth. But maybe it was better left unsaid. If you didn’t ask, he didn’t have to explain himself either. But, that didn’t make the entire thing any less of an internal debate.

Why did you care even a little tiny bit about Boone being injured? 

It wasn’t even about Boone. 

It was about someone inflicting pain on your behalf. But, wait. Then again – was there any chance Boone was feeling guilty for his actions? Fueled by his fucked up testosterone levels and short fuse? Why did you have to wrestle with your conscience when he didn’t show even an ounce of remorse for what he did? 

If Bucky had chosen to defend you, to wrestle with Boone instead… Well, maybe that was what needed to happen. 

You remained in a staring contest with Bucky, searching his face for anything. You could see something just behind his lips, a desire to say something else. Maybe he was worried he would upset you with the whole truth about what happened at the gym. If that was the case, you also knew Bucky wouldn’t apologize for what he might have done to Boone.

Bucky was strong willed. He stood up for what he believed in. He’d never want to see injustice or unfair behaviour being excused. 

You sighed then nodded again. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Bucky repeated slowly, tilting his head. “Sweetheart, I—”

“No. It’s okay.” You cracked a small smile. “Bucky, I—thank you. For last night and for not leaving my side and taking care of me, protecting me.. for everything.”

He said your name quietly, reaching across the table for your free hand. “It’s an honour.”

You sucked in a breath, blinking away the feeling of crying again.  “Don’t do that – don’t be cheesy. I won’t survive.”

Bucky just smiled.

--

Somehow an hour long surgery seemed like a lifetime to Bucky. He glanced at his phone to check the time again and let out a long breath, slumping down just a bit further in his chair. Despite your exhaustion, you had barely slept the night before and Bucky felt helpless, even with all his efforts to calm your nerves.

“I’m a nurse, Bucky. I’ve helped so many patients before and after surgeries and I’m still just – I want this to be over.”

Bucky knew you were okay, in the best hands Tony could pay for, but he was still desperate to see you roll back down the hallway, safe and sound.

After another chance to take some breaths and repeat a few of his safe mantras, Bucky looked at his phone. Instead of seeing the time, he saw ‘Sam Wilson’ popping up on his phone.

It had been a very easy task for Bucky - ignoring Sam for the past 48 hours. It was petty, childish even, but he still didn’t want to talk to Sam. Bucky was still sitting in an uncomfortable swell of anger over the whole situation. A situation that could be traced right back to Sam, in a way.

Bucky closed his eyes and finally brought the phone up to his ear when Sam called back again. He stood from his chair and started down the empty hallway.

“This is Sergeant Barnes.”

Sam immediately scoffed on the other end of the line. “Thanks for finally picking up.”

Bucky just grunted. “What do you want?”

“I want you to say out loud what’s bothering you so we can move past this.” 

Silence fell between them before Bucky finally replied again. “You put him in charge, Sam.”

“I have a lot of fucking regrets about that, Bucky.”

Bucky couldn’t help but wince when he heard Sam swear. In the field, Sam certainly had a mouth at times. But during the day to day operations of the job, back in the office, he was usually well restrained. Clearly, he was out of sorts, too.

“And I heard someone already went and put Boone in his place. There is only so much I can apologize for when that jackass cheated the system and misled me. Boone broke my trust and I can get over that. But I am fucking gutted I broke her trust. This never should have happened. I know that.”

“I know you know. I..” Bucky closed his eyes, pausing to rest against the nearest wall. Eventually, he left out a quiet laugh. “I don’t know what to do with my leftover anger, Sam.”

“You and me both, man. At least you got to crack him in the jaw a few times. Wish I could have been there.”

Bucky sighed. “I’ll tell you all about it in great detail. I owe you a beer, alright?”

“Whenever you’re ready to leave your girl's side, pencil me in.”

After he hung up with Sam, then exchanged a few messages with Steve, Bucky resumed his position of waiting for you outside the entrance to the surgical suites. He tried distracting himself with a few reports he had to go over and listened to a few tracks on a new playlist from Natasha. Eventually though, all he could do was stare at the door and be patient.

Soon enough, a nurse appeared at the door and signaled to Bucky he could come through. He was directed to a recovery area and finally, he could feel his shoulders relax. There you were - safe and sound. 

Bucky pulled up a chair beside your hospital bed, greeting you with a smile as you looked towards him. 

“Bucky!”

“Hey doll.” 

“She’s still coming back from the general anesthesia. She might be a bit out of sorts still,” the nurse confirmed, giving you another once over. “The doctor said everything went well and the office will be in touch about follow up appointments.” The nurse paused, giving Bucky a coy smile as she walked away. “She immediately asked for you when she started coming to - Sergeant Handsome.”

“I said that was a private nickname,” you whined, closing your eyes tightly. You tried to push yourself up slightly to sit, but were quickly stopped by your immobilized arm. “Ow.”

“Let me help,” Bucky stood up and adjusted the bed so you could sit up more. 

You turned to look towards him. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Bucky scooted his chair closer and sat again. “You feelin’ okay?”

You nodded. “Just a lil’froggy.. Foggy..”

“So, Sergeant Handsome? Were you talkin’ about me?” Bucky couldn’t help the smile on his face as you closed your eyes. Though it fell just as quickly when you frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I - can I tell you a secret?” You kept your eyes closed, letting out a slow exhale as you settled against the pillows propping you up. 

“Sure, doll.”

“Actually, no, no.” Your eyes shot open, narrowing again as you locked eyes with Bucky. “This hasta be a secret exchange.”

“A secret exchange?”

You licked your lips then used your good hand to point at him. “You tell me one first, then I tell you one. It’s fair.”

“I mean, you started this whole thing,” he laughed, then decided it was probably best to play along. The medication was clearly still making you a bit loopy and the last thing Bucky wanted to do was upset you any further in this state. “Okay. Let’s see.” He paused again then shrugged. “I met my nephew a few weeks ago.”

“Bucky! Oh, oh wow. That’s..” You reached for his closest hand and he met you in the middle. You squeezed his fingers but didn’t let go after. “I’m gonna cry - I’m so happy for you. When I.. I’m back to normal, I wanna hear all about it. Okay?”

“I can’t wait to tell you, sweetheart.” Bucky cradled your hand in his, rubbing his thumb against your skin. “Now, it’s your turn.”

You sucked in a breath and closed your eyes once more. “I’m.. I’m really sad we aren’t gonna have our date.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Who said we aren’t having our date?”

“We’re suppos’ta celebrate my new position and..” You shook your head. “Look’at me now.. No new job and-and a broken whatever–” You tried to move your casted arm and just winced, which quickly transformed into a yawn. “Who wants to date this..”

Bucky released your hand from his and leaned forward, bringing his palm up to cup your cheek. Exhaustion seemed to catch up with you as you fell back asleep.  “I promise we’re going on that date.” 

--

The first few days following your surgery were painful, as you probably should have anticipated. You insisted Bucky didn’t need to stay at your side the whole time - in fact, you knew he had work to do and an upcoming mission to plan for. Thankfully you had a few close friends in rotation who kept you company throughout your days and somehow an endless supply of credit with your favourite food delivery app, making your life a lot easier. (You assumed you had Tony to thank for that.)

You and Bucky still talked all day long. That made dealing with the pain a lot easier, too.

You: are you doing anything after work? You: if you’re free You: you could come over? Bucky: be there by 7 :)

“It’s going to leave quite the scar, unfortunately.” Your check up with Dr. Alvarez had downgraded you to a removable splint, which you were really relieved about. You were perfectly capable of handling the care yourself and it was nice to release the pressure on your hand.

You had taken the splint off to show Bucky when he showed up. You were sitting beside him on your small loveseat, catching up about your last few days. He was holding your hand gently in his own, tracing his finger lightly over your skin. 

Somehow, by some weird trick of your mind, it seemed like the pain had already become easier to tolerate. Like Bucky’s touch was helping settle your nerves and discomfort.

“Tony has this thing… it could help with that,” Bucky finally responded, his voice barely audible. “The scarring. I don’t know how it works but it can build synthetic tissue and..”

You smiled when Bucky looked back up at you. “Yeah, maybe.” It was clear Bucky was holding something back but you didn’t want to press. “Okay, I have a confession. I invited you here because I need help with something.”

He nodded. “Sure. Whatever you need. What is it?”

It was another unconventional first for you and Bucky and your new whatever relationship status. You had visions of a sexy steamed bathroom, shared laughter and maybe slippery hands and low moans and… This wasn’t how your first shower together was supposed to go.

You chewed on your lip as you tried to figure out the logistics. You had a semi-normal shower the other day, but it had been incredibly difficult if not impossible to get any soap or shampoo where it needed to go with an immobilized arm. Even now, without the splint, you barely had any range of motion in your hand. Plus you were supposed to be taking it easy.

“Okay, so. Let’s…” You turned towards the shower then back towards Bucky, who was standing only a few inches from you - thanks to your tiny New York City apartment bathroom. “I’ll be in the shower. Uhm, naked. Then when I need soap or shampoo or… whatever, I’ll stick my good hand out and you can give it to me.”

Bucky stifled his laughter. “Sure. I can… give you whatever you need, doll.”

“Bucky,” you whined, doing your best not to laugh along with him. “Don’t, please. I know this is weird.”

“I’m sorry,” he immediately sobered up. “I’ll, just..” He turned to face the door, away from you, as you stripped down and got into the shower. “Tell me when I should turn around?”

It wasn’t a very graceful process but it worked. Bucky was very polite and helpful with everything you needed. Truthfully, it would have been better to have him in the shower with you but you just weren’t there yet. Beyond sleeping side by side and cuddling on the couch, nothing further had happened between you. And well, that was expected - given everything. But your stupid injury really was getting in the way.

“Okay, just, uhm - my towel?” You turned off the water and reached out, feeling the fluffy fabric right away. You did your best to wrap it around your body then drew the curtain open again. Bucky was waiting for you, eyes closed tightly but with an extended hand to help you step carefully over the tub. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “You can open your eyes - I’m covered.”

“Feel better?” He asked as he opened his eyes, offering you one of those soft, sweet Bucky looks you were coming to really appreciate and love. 

God, you didn’t want to fuck this up. 

“Here, let me..” Bucky took your injured hand and carefully fixed your splint back into place. Then, well, he filled in the small space between you both. 

You sucked in a breath as he positioned his forehead against yours, beads of water and condensation sticking to his skin. “Thank you,” you repeated, though you wondered if it was even audible.

He kept one hand safely holding your injured wrist while his other found a spot on your hip. He whispered your name with just enough inflexion for you to understand his unspoken question. As soon as you tipped your head into a nod, his hand left your hip and was encompassing the side of your neck, thumb running against your jawline.

Your tongue swept across your lips. “ Yes.”

Bucky’s lips met yours, gentle and rough and exactly what you imagined kissing Bucky might be like. A bolt of electricity surged through you, across every nerve. It was the perfect balm to forget about your wrist, about uncertainty, about anything but Bucky.

--

Although you knew you were returning to work on a modified schedule and task list, you had still been nervous about it. Especially because you didn’t know what everyone else knew about Boone and you and what had happened. But luckily you were welcomed back to cheerful coworkers and a very light workload.

And no one mentioned Boone or your injury. You did have to catch on newly updated mandatory company wide training though, directly related to substance abuse and security protocols. 

You got used to working with only one hand, which would still be the case for a few more weeks. But otherwise, things felt okay. And by the time your meal break rolled around, you couldn’t help but feel giddy about being back at the tower. Because you had a lunch date with your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend Bucky Barnes. 

Not that having lunch with Bucky was new, but now it felt like so much more. Every single milestone in your relationship so far had been abnormal but this - this was perfectly ordinary. Although calling him your boyfriend still felt a little foreign on your tongue, you didn’t mind that change. 

When you spotted Bucky in the cafeteria, your knees nearly gave out altogether. You couldn’t help but grin when he stood to greet you, holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand. With the other he pulled you in for a hug, followed by a kiss on the forehead.

“Hi,” you said, using your freehand to brush against some of the petals. “This is unexpected.”

Bucky smiled, taking the seat across from you. “I was going to hand deliver them down to the med floor but I figured you might be a bit overwhelmed this morning. And maybe Sergeant Handsome would distract you from important work.”

You rolled your eyes, though it was impossible to hide your giddiness and fight off your warm cheeks. “You’ve gotta let that one go, please.”

“Absolutely not.” Bucky shook his head, still smiling. God, would you two ever stop smiling? There was something incredibly comforting about knowing Bucky was feeling just as wild as you were when it came to all these kinds of feelings.

Ever since he kissed you - when you were sopping wet and injured and a mess, all wrapped up into a towel - things had just been heightened. Not that everything had been smooth sailing, especially when it came to your pain and this recovery process, but going through all of it with Bucky was exactly what you needed.

Every time you struggled or hit a new roadblock, he let you have a moment to react then he simply cheered you through it. “You can do hard things,” he would echo back to you time and time again. (Which was particularly annoying sometimes, like when you were on your first official date and couldn’t twirl your pasta very well.)

As you were approaching the end of your lunch break, sharing a dessert with Bucky, you sighed. “Can I just say something out loud?” 

Bucky nodded. “Of course.”

“I just…” You reached to adjust your glasses as you found your words. “..can’t help but think about how right now I should be preparing to be on the field team and maybe even going out on missions to help and.. I’m just disappointed.” 

Bucky put down his fork, churning through his own thoughts before he replied.

You continued. “I mean, I guess there’s no way of knowing if I would have even passed the evaluation though. Seeing as I never even… it’s likely I might not have been ready. Maybe I’ll never be ready for it now. I have to start from scratch with this—” You held up your wrist. “I can’t even do the boring parts of my regular job with one hand. I have to do the extra boring stuff instead. I.. I’m just whining. I’m sorry.”

“Do you have to get back right away?” Bucky asked, grabbing his phone. He sent a quick message then stood, extending his hand out for you to grab. “Let me show you something.”

Your manager had told you to ‘take it easy’ your first week back, so running late from lunch probably wouldn’t be a problem. So, you grabbed Bucky’s hand and followed. 

The upper floors of the tower weren’t somewhere you had ever visited before. You shot up the elevator and nearly let out a gasp when you and Bucky arrived in Tony’s lab. It was huge - with bright lights, big windows and plenty of flashing screens. 

“Stark?” Bucky called out, keeping his hand tethered to yours as he guided you through the space. 

“Over here,” Tony called back, popping out from behind a screen. “It’s all loaded up. I’ve gotta run to meet Pepper and some very irritated investors but I’ve granted you full access to the video footage.” He turned towards you. “How’s the hand?”

You tried to give him a thumbs up. You winced. “Getting there.”

“I’ve got a good therapist - physical therapist, that is. No one can help this brain.” Tony tapped his temple. “I’ll send you his details.” 

Just as quickly as you arrived, Tony departed, giving one last pointed look at Bucky before he disappeared into the elevator muttering into his wrist. 

“Sit,” Bucky instructed, pulling a chair and positioning it in front of the screen. “Please.”

You let out a dramatic sigh before complying. 

Bucky sat in another chair at your side, picking up a nearby tablet. With a swipe of his hand, video footage appeared on the screen ahead. It started to play. 

It was footage of you - giving your all during your training sessions. From the sparring drills to physical challenges, you kept up and even performed better than some of the others. 

You snuck a glance towards Bucky, who was watching the footage with what could only be described as a proud smile. 

“You’re resilient, sweetheart,” Bucky said quietly, turning his head. “Although I could offer you some tips, you woulda past Sam’s eval - there’s no doubt in my mind.”

“Tips? Like what?” You couldn’t help yourself from smirking. “You wanna throw down on a gym mat?”

“Preferably a mattress, actually,” he muttered, raising an eyebrow as he paused the video. “Well, right there - you could have—” 

“Okay, I don’t need a play by play.” You nodded and let out a slow exhale. “I get it. I’m capable. I just have to.. get back to that.”

Bucky turned back to you again. “You’ll get there. I’ll help. I can be your personal trainer.”

“Okay.” You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Now, about that mattress.”

--

 ONE YEAR LATER

Three months. It had been three months since you were officially on the field medical team. The job hadn’t been easy or soft - especially the first time you were dealing with bullet wounds in the middle of nowhere. 

The med team was a tight knit group though - you had joined a new training group following many months of recovery and training and luckily found a wonderful team of colleagues. Not only that, your time supporting major Avengers missions had been an incredible, and daunting, experience.

But today, three months in, you were finally on a mission with your boyfriend. Bucky’s speciality was covert ops and most of his missions were small-scale and secretive, with only a select team of Avengers involved. But this particular mission was a bit different - with the medical team joining later as things had escalated.

After everything had settled, including a few injured civilians who were assisted and transported for further care, everyone had returned to the jets with a long flight home ahead. You found a spot on the jet with Bucky, Sam, Steve and a few others. 

“Agent! Medical attention is needed over here.” 

You whipped your head around, searching for Steve and where his voice was coming from. You took a few strides forward, pausing as the jet started to take off. You found Steve sitting near the back with Bucky.

“This man is dying of a broken heart, apparently,” Steve rolled his eyes, pushing off from his leaning position and patting Bucky on the shoulder. “Good luck.”

You just sighed but couldn’t help smiling. You grabbed Steve’s arm before he got too far away. “Want me to clean that up?” You pointed to a small cut near his hairline.

Steve waved his hand. “Thank you but it’ll be fine by morning.” He gave you another smirk before heading to sit with Sam in the cockpit.

“What’s wrong with you, Sergeant Handsome?” You smiled at Bucky as you stood in front of him.

He reached out to place his hands on your hips, slotting you just between his legs as he sat. “Two hours with you and not even a kiss yet.”

“Oh my god,” you swatted his shoulder. “I was helping people. Your knives were flying all over the place. When was the optimal time for that?”

He replied with an exaggerated eye roll. “Alright, fine.” He extended his hand up to cradle your jaw, pulling you down to meet his lips. 

“Better?” You asked, shifting to take the seat beside him. 

“Much.” He nodded, turning enough to get a better look at you. “How are you doing though? I know today is–”

“I meant what I said the other night,” you cut him off. “Seriously.”

You knew Boone was getting out of jail after serving a year, which admittedly was the best sentencing you could have hoped for. Not that it really made up for his indiscretions but you knew you’d never see him again anyway. You didn’t want to waste anymore of your energy or time on him ever again.

“Forgetting he exists is only one thing. You know I can make sure he actually ceases existing and–”

“Bucky,” you laughed, shaking your head. “I’m good. Truly.”

You lifted your right hand to stretch your fingers, taking a moment to admire the fancy glove Tony had designed for you. It was reinforced with something that gave you even more support when out in the field. You were grateful for it, though your rehabilitation had been successful. Slowly you pulled it off your hand, pausing to stare at the lines on your skin. All that remained was an occasional ache and some fading scars.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Bucky raising his right hand and you grinned. You knocked your knuckles into his twice then wiggled your fingers at one another. Before you could pull back, Bucky gently grabbed your hand and moved it closer, pressing a soft kiss against your scarred knuckles.

Maybe you were left with a few fading scars. And maybe every single step along the way hadn’t been easy. 

But you had Bucky by your side. Bucky, who you found unintentionally, whose touch filled you with life. 

And maybe that was all you needed.

[bestworstcase]

@cindersfall

actually that does make me think of a real point abt this, that a lot of the fandom does this thing i like to call walking backwards on the same wrong path, where you validate incorrect premises by trying to refute them. see: hatedom says jaune arc is a self insert and gets too much screentime, and fndm reaction is to be like "no way! jaune isnt even a main character! he doesnt matter!" like hm i am not sure thats true either mate

lol yeah. & then the venn diagram collapses into a "jaune is getting too much screen time" circle because the deuteragonist is not in fact a "side character." although i do think the strident insistence that jaune is a trivial side character is less a direct response to the self-insert bullshit than it is motivated by how extremely fucking weird a lot of jaune fans are about him re: making him vessel for their self-insert misogynistic power fantasies.

which i also think is probably a contributing factor in the "jaune is an authorial self-insert" claim having the staying power that it does—the section of the hatedom that rages about jaune getting too much screen time finds the incessant power fantasy harem jaune bilge just as obnoxious as the mainstream fandom, but where the fandom tendency is to be honest about it (i.e. "i don't like jaune much because jaune stans are so gross and annoying about him that i just can't enjoy him as a character") hatedoms—don't operate in good faith, and even outside hatedom there's a pernicious tendency in fandom (generally, not specific to rwby) to fault creators for unpleasant fan behavior. in that mode the background radiation of power fantasy harem jaune self-insertion by jaune fans very easily fuels an unspoken sense that this sort of textually baseless projection is in fact the intended response to the character, and that's exacerbated by the high proportion of hate-fans who don't really watch the show and strictly engage with fanon and hate-fanon.

(<- like i'm always saying when i talk about hatedom, the latter phenomenon—fans who don't actually engage with the text at all—is not restricted to hatedom and any fandom that is moderately visible Online is likely to have a contingent of fans who solely engage with fanworks. that contingent is usually not disruptive or noticeable in large fandoms but can be a bane in small fandoms if they start writing fanfic. 🫵 longtimer tts mutuals know of my seething disdain for certain popular cassunzel fic writers who Did Not Watch The Show. lmao)

but yeah. people are fucking weird about jaune in particular and like so much of it boils down to somehow not grasping that he is… the deuteragonist… for nine volumes and counting.

and to be fair i (obviously lmao) do think there's analytical value in starting with a take you don't agree with and building out an argument against--imo it's often easier to pin down your specific reasons for not agreeing with some interpretation than to articulate your own response to a text from nothing, which is why a lot of my posts are Like That. but for that to be valuable requires you to be intellectually honest and fair about what you're arguing against, and that means giving it actual serious evaluation and being skeptical of your intuitive disagreement versus kneejerking in the opposite direction, lol.

rwby fandom has a Particular very funny set of incentives where its like

a) rwby itself is a story written with and interested in nuance + moral complexity and it's most rewarding to engage with the narrative in that way;

b) rwby has a dedicated hatedom, which entails the development of a hate-fanon predicated on deliberate misinterpretation and bad faith reading of the text;

c) the fandom-wide persecution complex re: the preceding point makes platforming the hatedom [via mockery, rebuttal, or whining] broadly socially acceptable within rwby fandom spaces;

d) which serves to embed "[you/these people] don't understand nuance" into the fandom vernacular as an automatic response to perceived Bad Takes;

f) fans making hatedom watch a core part of their engagement with rwby fandom tend to gradually degrade their ability to differentiate hatedom bullshit from good faith discussion on parts of the narrative the hatedom fixated on (e.g., "ironwood right!" vs "ironwood's decisions all make sense from his point of view and it's reductive to read him as a one-note villainous caricature");

g) in a similar vein, because rwby hatedom constructs the hate-fanon primarily around (misogynistic) moral-reversal whereby male antagonists in prominent conflict with the main heroines are lionized while the heroines are reinterpreted as the 'real' villains (and female villains are variously either ignored, treated as accessories for male characters, or demonized), textual interpretations that engage with the moral complexity + nuance in the text (good characters can do bad things and be wrong in non-trivial ways, bad characters can be right and are always unapologetically humanized) become suspect in certain circles of the fandom;

h) ^ that is in addition to the general tendency, not at all specific to rwby fandom, among people who can't handle moral complexity or nuance to project their own black-and-white thinking onto everyone else.

…& the outcome of all this is to create a social environment in which the accusation of "lacking nuance" gets leveled at specifically readings predicated on the understanding that rwby is a story that wants and invites the viewer to think critically about its characters.

[puppppppppy]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

[memento-morri-writes]

I've been thinking a lot about how Rook's reunion with his former mentor, Zara, is going to go, and since I can't predict what the DM is going to have her do or say, I can only dwell on what I know is going to happen. Which happens to include taking off the illusion ring that's been hiding his injuries from her. So have a snippet of the description I have planned for that moment:

tw for description of (mostly healed) injuries

He hesitates, twisting a ring on his finger. Looking at it more closely, she can tell it’s very finely crafted, and must have been very expensive. A large emerald is set into the band. Rook sighs, and pulls the ring off his finger in one quick motion.  Immediately she’s struck by the difference in his appearance as the illusion melts away. He looks awful. His warm, healthy skin fades to a dull and sickly grey. There’s huge bags under his deeply sunken eyes, and his cheeks are hollowed, as though they have been carved out by an overeager sculptor. He looks like he’s recently risen from the grave.  While he was thin before, now she can see his ribs under the skin, and his collarbones are exaggeratedly pronounce. Thin white lines left by dozens upon dozens of recently healed cuts are scattered across his body. On top of that, faded bruises cover most of his visible skin, a mottled mosaic of purple and yellow. They’re clearly days, maybe weeks old, and she can only begin to imagine what they must have looked like when fresh. Bandages are barely visible under his shirt, wrapping around his back, hinting at even more injuries.

[chrisrin]

Is there a thought process behibd which gentrolls have horns and which don't?

i gave it to the ones that i thought needed it to complement the design, or where it felt really significant to have them included! or if i could fit it in there without it being too disruptive to the rest of the vibe.

so like, for eridan and kanaya as pearls I think it would've been a bit off on them, but for someone like vriska where aquamarine already had the little ribbon-bits, it was easy to shape that into her horns!

[hopecomesbacktolife]

classical music rant ahead~

I’m not gonna reblog the post itself because people can’t be normal in the notes* but oh my god that “if it sounds like X, it’s Y composer” post is the most infuriatingly, wildly inaccurate thing. “mansplaining” for Wagner?!? REALLY?!? Saying Bach sounds “like a vampire” what does that even meANNNN. don’t get me started on the Beethoven (!!) and Shostakovich ones or I will turn into an incoherent seething mess. it’s worse than just being inaccurate even, it’s insulting to their music and range how inaccurate that user’s descriptions are.

like. there’s so many ways to make FUNNY posts about classical music!!! throwback to my prof bringing in shot glasses and grape juice when we covered Tristan and Isolde! Throwback to my cinnaminim meme!! Throwback to the [redacted] symphony members MEME GROUP where we EXCLUSIVELY SHARED CLASSICAL MUSIC MEMES. throwback to my Bach shirt with CHICKENS ON IT. Composer memes. Symphony memes. Translation memes. Oboi. drunk sugar plum fairy. old twoset skits. like.

I just. keep classical music accessible, yes. criticize it, yes! love it, yes! meme on it, yes!! remix it in sillygoofy ways! yes! Be silly and unserious or serious and yearning about it! Or both/all/more all at once! by all means!!! just. don’t make a joke that’s unfunny because it’s wildly inaccurate, then get mad at me for not laughing. 😐 like. lemme just call you the scarecrow because of this wild strawman fallacy logic you’re exhibiting.

*apparently some tumblr users can’t understand the concept of “this joke isn’t funny and it’s probably because the ‘joke’ isn’t really very accurate to the subject matter itself” because any time someone in the notes says that, people accuse them of being “elitist about classical music” like bro what. that is just. false equivalence. saying a joke isn’t funny because it’s inaccurate isn’t elitism it’s just the truth

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It

[banamaak]

then let my heart be hardened, and never mind how high the cost may grow. 

— azadeh heidari (2/3)

i. just like a woman (2012) dir. rachid bouchareb // ii. anis mojgai // iii. i for iran, dir. sanaz azari // iv. the echo sounder, ada limón // v. listen, newsha tavakolian // vi. glory and gore, lorde // vii. euphoria (2019) 1x07 “the trials and tribulations of trying to pee while depressed” // viii. first fig, edna st. vincent millay // ix. the breadwinner (2017) dir. nora twomey // x. seventeen going under, sam fender // xi. the plagues, ralph fiennes & amick byram

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i am Thinking about nine and his hair, how his relationship with it and autonomy, and with caring for himself through it--and lack of such--are so much of a direct response to the type of abuse he went through from sandor, and to escaping from it, and how it is a near perfect foil to five's relationship with his hair and augh AUGH chews on a table it's so interesting and i could write so much about it, i really really wish they had kept NL!nine for that alone

[randomrandy]

Random post: “reblog if you *thing I agree with”

My brain: if you reblog this you’re a virtue sighing whore who just wants internet clout. If you don’t reblog this you’re a heartless monster who should be shot in the street. Kys

Me: wtf

[fatickono]

me when i try and ignore a hyperfixation i’ve had for 2.5 years … and it doesnt work!!!!! who could’ve expected that ………….

[vaspider]

While I'm writing things that I've been intending to write for a while... one of the things that I think that a lot of people who haven't been involved in like... banking or corporate shenaniganry miss about why our economy is its current flavor of total fuckery is the concept of "fiduciary duty to shareholders."

"Why does every corporation pursue endless growth?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.

"Why do corporations treat workers the way they do?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.

"Why do corporations make such bass-ackwards decisions about what's 'good for' the company?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.

The legal purpose of a corporation with shareholders -- its only true purpose -- is the generation of revenue/returns for shareholders. Period. That's it. Anything else it does is secondary to that. Sustainability of business, treatment of workers, sustainability and quality of product, those things are functionally and legally second to generating revenue for shareholders. Again, period, end of story. There is no other function of a corporation, and all of its extensive legal privileges exist to allow it to do that.

"But Spider," you might say, "that sounds like corporations only exist in current business in order to extract as much money and value as possible from the people actually doing the work and transfer it up to the people who aren't actually doing the work!"

Yes. You are correct. Thank you for coming with me to that realization. You are incredibly smart and also attractive.

You might also say, "but Spider, is this a legal obligation? Could those running a company be held legally responsible for failing their obligations if they prioritize sustainability or quality of product or care of workers above returns for shareholders?"

Yes! They absolutely can! Isn't that terrifying? Also you look great today, you're terribly clever for thinking about these things. The board and officers of a corporation can be held legally responsible to varying degrees for failing to maximize shareholder value.

And that, my friends, is why corporations do things that don't seem to make any fucking sense, and why 'continuous growth' is valued above literally anything else: because it fucking has to be.

If you're thinking that this doesn't sound like a sustainable economic model, you're not alone. People who are much smarter than both of us, and probably nearly as attractive, have written a proposal for how to change corporate law in order to create a more sensible and sustainable economy. This is one of several proposals, and while I don't agree with all of this stuff, I think that reading it will really help people as a springboard to understanding exactly why our economy is as fucked up as it is, and why just saying 'well then don't pursue eternal growth' isn't going to work -- because right now it legally can't. We'd need to change -- and we can change -- the laws around corporate governance.

This concept of 'shareholder primacy' and the fiduciary duty to shareholders is one I had to learn when I was getting my securities licenses, and every time I see people confusedly asking why corporations try to grow grow grow in a way that only makes sense if you're a tumor, I sigh and think, 'yeah, fiduciary duty to shareholders.'

(And this is why Emet and I have refused to seek investors for NK -- we might become beholden to make decisions which maximize investor return, and that would get in the way of being able to fully support our people and our values and say the things we started this company to say.)

Anyway, you should read up on these concepts if you're not familiar. It's pretty eye-opening.