#which isnt horrible and i can afford that

[theonlythingimfuckingisstupid]

why is internet so fucking. spensive D:

[veronicathegoddess]

i hate when someone invites me to like do something or go somewhere but they also invite someone i dislike, that they know i dislike and when i say i don't want to come because that person is there they're like it's fine, just ignore them...because i want to spend money i barely even have to spend time around people that have hurt me????? like if i don't like the person, idc who else is there and if i can ignore them, i'm not gonna put myself into a situation like that and idk why that's so hard for people to get

[tinylittlebab]

bleh everything SUCKS

[sapienthouse]

love fucking up my own data (not recording any of my lows)

[galaxgay]

ik theres a lot of talk/art about Crowley not being able to accept love but honestly neither can Aziraphale. I get he loves everything around him so much but he's got horrible self esteem thanks to Heaven and genuinely believes its his job to love, not to be loved. It is utterly unangelic.

Aziraphale has met a lot of Crowley's affectionate gestures with either an overwhelming "oh goodness!! thank you so much how can I repay you? How can i show my gratitude?" (as though that gesture isnt earned/is owed something in return) or a withdrawl.

"you go to fast for me" is a perfect example of him withdrawing from Crowley. Its too much. There is much too wrong with him. And sure, Heaven and Hell being a threat the whole time certainly doesnt help, I think Aziraphale uses it as an excuse to keep distance between them because hes scared.

Because either Crowley sees that he is wrong, and rejects him, or he doesn't and things change.

A huge part of healing from trauma is learning how accepting help. Not only that but trauma convinces you that change of any kind is lethal. There is a certain kind of peace and relax in old patterns and routines- even if they arent helathy, theres stability in knowing they're survivable.

In Aziraphale's mind there are two paths:

Either Crowley, the one good thing in his life, that accepts him as he is, sees more of the vulnerable parts of Aziraphale and finds them unworthy and rejects him, which Aziraphale cant afford-

-or-

Crowley accepts his faults in full, and suddenly Aziraphale can be vulnerable (something ive noticed he does not do. He keeps to himself very much) and suddenly, the stability in knowing their whole "dance", goes away. He has to let go of their rituals and trust Crowley is going to continue to be there as they do- something Aziraphale has never had and a concept Aziraphale has never been able to trust.

There is a rule in his head that he cant break.

[kathrynmhahn]

okay, another little update on the kitty (i was finally able to get him to the vet)

so the vet finally called me back this morning and after i told her what was going on she goes "oh...okay yeah you need to bring him in now, we have an opening at 10"

so i went and they did an ultra sound and found that the lining of his bladder is insanely thick, which isnt normal, (its supposed to be as thin as your eyelid, but it was the size of like 3/4 fingers) and that he has crystals/stones in his bladder. it could also be a uti, but she's sure the bleeding is from the stones. they might dissolve on their own (male cats cant pass any type of stones) but she wouldnt be able to give me more info without an x ray and more testing

SO after 2 hours of being there and discussing what needs to be done, i went ahead and left him there so they could neuter him, do more xrays/tests and microchip him while he's sedated to make it easier for them

he'll also be prescribed special food for a little while and he'll probably be on some type of anti-anxiety meds bc they think he might have an anxiety issue, which is probably my fault, i wasnt expecting to be homeless and moving up and down the east coast for the last 4 years and i could NOT make myself give him away :/

anyway. i get to pick him up in 2 hours if nothing horrible goes wrong, if the stones are bigger than they think, they might have to go in and remove them, which i hope to whatever entity that thats not the issue bc i can NOT afford 3 thousand dollar surgery 😶

so once again, thank you to everyone who reblogged and donated, you literally saved my cats life. if this would have gone on any longer, it would have caused a blockage (or a number of other horrible things) and would have made things so much more worse, and it wouldve gotten worse quickly

if i ever win the lottery..........ill pay everyone back and maybe buy everyone a new car or something 🙄😂

[princesssmars]

a night in the castle

a vampire jessica and oscar x reader

wc: 6.010 (?>?????/)

working as a tired maid in your town, you have a horrible night and end up at the mysterious castle on the hill. the two owners give you a dinner unlike any other.

contains : fic set in the nineteenth century but its barely written that way. reader is a maid is shunned by the village which includes some misogynistic remarks. polyamory with vampires aka the dream. said vampires do in fact drink blood. threesome with said vampires. oral sex (m>f, f>f), unprotected penetrative sex. reader isnt all there (rightfully so) and the vampires love it.

a/n : yall know i had to do it. this took me forever sorry i cant write smut. enjoy.

living as a maid in your town, you weren't afforded many pleasures in your day to day life. you slept in a shabby room with a creaky and stained bed, spent a large portion of your day cleaning after people who treated you like the dirt you scrubbed, just to go to the bar to drink with the few friends you had until you felt numb.

it was pitiful but it was your life. but one of the major luxuries you weren't afforded was rage.

and as you walk up the muddy path on the hill on the edge of town, your legs burning and your skin shivering, that burning hatred was all you felt.

you had spent an uncountable amount of hours cleaning after one prominent family, the morgan's. you'd spent the most amount of time cleaning their home, and they were fairly kind to you, even if it was mostly their son who spoke to you.

but that didn't do you any favors when the young morgan was accused of having an affair and placed the blame on you to protect his mistress, which led to you being publicly shamed and thrown out of the home, mrs. morgan calling you a harlot who would never find a home to work at in town again.

your mind is running so fast you don't even notice you've picked up your pace, your feet making wet thuds as you head to who knows where. at this point you can be bothered to care, even when a stray branch knicks your ankle.

it feels like an eternity until you finally reach a destination, your body nearly running straight into a large set of dark doors. you look up in surprise to see where you are, your eyes widening when you process where you are: darkwood manor.

you always heard stories as a child about the manor up on the hill on the edge of town, the massive estate looming over where you lived like a constant reminder of the past. your grandmother would tell you tales of it before bed, prattling about the monsters who lived inside who would take away young girls who didn't behave.

eventually your grandfather would come in and assure you your grandmother was teasing, and that the manor was just inhabited by the two reclusive owners and their staff. you'd had more nightmares about it than you cared to admit.

but standing outside of the manor, you don't even feel a smidge of fear. you're too tired mentally and psychically to care about what the owners might do to you for trespassing.

you aren't afforded too much time to dwell in your exhaustion before one of the doors creaks open, soft yellow light pouring out before being blocked by a small frame coming into your view.

"hello, are you alright, dear?" a small voice asks you as your eyes finally adjust to the light to see the person in front of you. its a woman, much older than you judging by the many grey streaks in her hair. she's wearing a simple maids uniform and is staring at you with kind eyes and a smile. the sight of it nearly makes you crumple to the floor, your hurt legs giving out on you as she tries to hold you up.

"its ok, dearie, you're ok now," she soothed, her body nearly wrapping entirely around yours. "how about we go get you cleaned up, hm?"

you nod, rising with her as she wraps one of her arms around you to lead you inside the manor. you barely register the interior of the grand home, your eyes bleary with tears and rain. you can make up the large staircase that swirls upwards into the next floor, and how the walls are dark and filled with intricate designs and paintings.

eventually the elder woman leads you to sit down at a stool in what seems like a wide kitchen, some younger workers scurrying off when she gives them a muffled order. but the mental toll of the days events are starting to settle into your body, your eyes drooping and head tilting to the side.

"now now, don't fall asleep on me now, hun. how about i help freshen you up and you tell me what happened to lead to you coming all the way up here in this weather?" she asks gently, patting you on the shoulder at your tired nod.

and so, as the woman who tells you her name is agnes and that she is the head maid for the lord and lady of the manor softly cleans your face and arms with a damp rag, you slowly start to explain what happened in town for you to end up at the estate at such a late hour. as you repeat everything that happened it hits harder that your life, no matter how much you disliked it, would never be the same after tonight.

right before you start bawling you look up at agnes to see her staring at you so kindly it nearly makes you break. she reminds you of your mother before she sadly passed from an illness when you were young. the maternal way she acts helps to soothe you, even if its just enough to not cry at this moment.

"there, all better. now you look like a proper young lady." agnes smiles at you, tilting your head from side to side to check if she missed any smudges. "well, its safe to assume you can't go back down the hill. you stay right here and give me one second, alright?"

you nod again to assure here you'll stay where you are before she smiles and leaves through another pair of doors on the outside of the kitchen. after she leaves you take in your surroundings, noticing just how big the kitchen really is for just two people, though you suppose its normal for such a large home.

feeling better now that you're clean, you figure agnes wont be upset if you explore the kitchen a bit, getting up and admiring the kitchen. the walls are composed of a patterned brown wallpaper, with the floor being a brown wood and counters made of a darker brown wood. you trail your hand across the top of one of them, noticing how smooth and clean they are. the kitchen is impeccably clean, actually, even thought supper time was merely a few hours ago and there is'nt a pot or pan in sight.

just as the thought crosses your mind, the sound of the door opening causes you to whip around, holding your hands behind your back guiltily. you expect to see agnes but instead see someone that nearly makes you pass out in nervousness.

instead of agnes a woman stands in the doorway, her fancy clothing telling you she is the lady of the manor. she's wearing a a gown, the black and red fabric standing out against her pale skin and red hair. her eyes stay on you while you observe her, the pale blue staring into your own. when she entered her face looked furious before she saw you. your hands start to fidget under her gaze.

"oh, dear, why are you up and about? i told you to stay sitting so you would'nt tire yourself out anymore!" agnes worries, moving from behind the lady and rushing over you to guide you back to the stool.

she turns toward the lady. "i'm sorry, ma'am. she's just a little bit out of it because of what happened."

"that's quite alright, i cant imagine what it must be like to have gone through all that she's been through." the woman says, her voice low and almost haunting. she steps closer, bringing her fingers to grip your chin and tilt your head to look at her.

"my name is jessica, the lady of the manor. i reside here with my husband, oscar. i'm sure you might have heard of us?"

"y..yes i have. just stories as a child." you whisper.

she smiles, almost like she knows exactly what you speak of. "i'm aware of the tales. but i can assure you that no one in this house is a monster." you briefly catch the faint smile on her face and the look she shares with agnes.

"but i can assure you that in this home you will be cared for. agnes will arrange a room for you and some fresh clothes for you to change in to."

before you can even object agnes walks out of the room and jessica takes your arm in hers to lead you to another part of the house. seeming to sense your curiosity, she encourages you to ask questions about the house and its architecture, answering any question you ask no matter how silly it sounds in your head.

she leads you up the staircase to the second level, taking you down a long hallway before stopping before a slight open door, opening it and gesturing for you to head inside.

following her direction, you slowly walk in to the room to see a bedroom straight out of your dreams. its big but not too large to feel overwhelming, having a four poster canopy bed, some dressers, a nook near the window presumably for reading, and a quaint sitting area near a fireplace.

"i hope its to your liking. we can have you moved to another room if you'd like-"

"no!" you nearly shout, slightly embarrassed at how you cut her off. she does'nt seem to mind though, simply looking at you in a way you cant interpret.

"its amazing, thank you. i swear soon i will hopefully be back on my feet and out of your way."

"nonsense, don't rush yourself, precious," she assures, stepping forward to rest her hands on your shoulders, continuing that unbroken eye contact from before, "you are welcome to stay in our home as long as you'd like. we rarely get guests from the town these days, so its nice to see a new face. especially one as lovely as yours."

the shock of her words makes your heart take a beat so suddenly you're scared she will be able to hear it. you feel bashful, not used to getting many compliments about your attractiveness. you cant help but want her to compliment you more, feeling like you'd give anything for her to call you beautiful.

"alright, there's something on the bed you to change into. another maid will be waiting outside if you need help getting dressed. she'll lead you to the dining room when you're done." she explains.

you're eyebrows knit in confusion, her face amused at your confusion. "you'll be having a meal with me and my husband. its only right you meet him and get some food into your system. trust me, he'll adore you so don't be worried."

you don't voice how that makes you worry more, instead telling her "thank you again for everything." before she leaves the room and you're left by yourself yet again.

the weight of what's happening finally settles in and you feel euphoric, struggling to quiet yourself as you jump on the bed and cheer for yourself. from a maid rejected by town to a guest at a local manor in the span of an hour. this is crazier than your wildest dreams.

composing yourself, you stand up and move to the dress that's been left for you on the end of the bed. picking it up doesn't help quell your excitement, the clothing being prettier than anything you've ever worn or even been able to afford. better yet its beautiful, being a white color with hints of f/c.

when changing you do have to invite your helper, catherine, inside to help you do up the back of your corset and the rest of your undergarments before finally helping you into your dress. your initial shyness fades as you begin to speak to each other, the both of you being around the same age and seeming to have the same interests. most of your friends looked away when you were thrown from the morgans, so it's nice to have a new one here in this strange place.

once you've finished getting dressed catherine leads you back down the hallway and stairs, through a new wider set of hallways before you eventually arrive at the dining room.

it's massive, to say the least, and the ceiling is covered in a gorgeous mural that trickles down the walls to keep the room regal yet creative. there’s a large table in the middle of the room, enough fancy chairs to seat at least 20 people.

“and you must be y/n,” a voice booms, pulling your attention from admiring the room to the person now speaking to you. he walks over to you faster than you can comprehend, seeming to cross the room in a manor of seconds. you don't have time to dwell on it before he clasps your hands in yours, shaking then up and down in a peculiar handshake. “my name is oscar, welcome to our home. i hope my wife and our staff have show you enough kindness to persuade you to stay.”

the lord is greeting you so nicely but you feel bad for barely paying attention to his words to take in his looks. you can see why he and his wife are married, to say the least, as he is incredibly handsome. he has slightly curled dark brown hair with eyes to match. he's wearing a suit just as extravagant as his wife's, mostly black with red and white accents. the coloring stands out greatly against his tanned skin and better unifies him and his wife as one. he lets out a little laugh as he notices your staring.

"um, yes. they've been nothing but kind to me," you manage to stutter out, slightly embarrassed at how you let yourself be so rude. "thank you so much for allowing me to stay in your home. i'm sure you've heard of my predicament, so i'm more than willing to pay off your kindness with service."

"y/n, you're our guest. we want you to enjoy your stay here. don't worry about any of that now." jessica projects from her seat at the table, watching your entire exchange. she gestures to the chair across from her for you to sit, oscar quickly guiding you to the end of the table to take your seat which he politely pulls out for you and pushes back in.

as soon as the lord sits in his seat, a few servants exit the kitchen to start laying out the meal. before you can even blink a full plate of food including some of the best-prepared meat you've ever seen, a fresh steaming bun of bread, and a good heap of vegetables is laid in front of you. you notice how the lord and lady aren't laid meals, instead, both of them are poured a dark red wine into their glasses.

"aren't you both going to eat?" you ask, trying to be as polite as possible.

they share a look and softly laugh to each other, in on a joke you cant understand.

"don't worry about us darling," jessica comforts, raising her glass to her lips and taking a languid sip before licking the leftover liquid off of her upper lip, "we'll be just fine like this. don't be shy and enjoy the meal."

and so, you dig in. the food is phenomenal, your eyes nearly rolling in to the back of your head much to your hosts amusement. after giving your compliments to the chef, they start up a shared conversation. they ask numerous questions about your life, what you loved and enjoyed doing, and more. it made you just a tad uncomfortable to be the center of attention, but a part of you deep inside craves more of it.

"i cant believe that woman would do something so cruel to a pretty little thing like you." oscar says, his face pinched in anger as he takes a long swig of his wine.

"precisely what i was thinking darling. y/n seems far too sweet to do such a thing. we are deeply sorry that happened to you, dear." jessica agrees, rubbing her hand up her husbands arm while looking at you.

"well its not completely..i-i guess she had a little reason to worry," you stutter out, your shoulders hunching as the two of them stare at you in signal for you to keep talking. "someone had blabbed about something that happened a while ago with a friend of mine. me and her son had started to get close so i guess she presumed that i would...try to do something with him."

"hm. it looks like you were wrong, my love," oscar hums to his wife, "she's not as innocent as you thought."

jessica chuckles, brining her glass back up to her wine stained lips. you notice how dark and thick the wine looks and cant help but want a taste. "i'm alright with being wrong this once. you know how i love a surprise."

"if you don't mind telling us, y/n," oscar calls you back into the conversation, " what ever happened with your friend for the townspeople to assume you would do something wrong to the morgan's son?"

the dining room goes silent when you don't answer, only the faint sounds of the workers in the kitchen being heard throughout. you contemplate how to explain to your hosts that about a few weeks prior you admitted to your close friend that because you'd been so busy with working these past few years you'd yet to lay with, let alone kiss, anybody else. after laughing and assuming that you were joking, they'd reassured you that it was ok and even offered to be your first kiss as a friendly gesture.

things escalated and before you knew it you had gotten yourself into a heated makeout session with your closest friend. you swore each other to secrecy but you assumed they had told one of your other more gossipy friends who spread it through the grapevine.

“you do not have to tell us if you do not wish to, dear,” jessica comforts, “the last thing we would want to do is make you uncomfortable.”

“thank you, but i don't mind. i trust you.” your eyes strain as the words leave your mouth. you’ve only known these two for a few hours at this point but there is something about them that calms you. t makes you feel safe with them. “i kissed one of my friends a few weeks ago because i never had kissed anyone at that point. i thought they wouldn't tell anyone but…word got around.”

“im sorry that happened to you, y/n. something like that should be sacred. the act of giving yourself to another person should be special, especially for someone as sweet as you.” the redhead moves her hand ross the table to clasp it with yours, wearing a soft look on her face.

“exactly. if that were us we definitely wouldn't betray your trust in such a way.”

“oscar please, you sound so vulgar.” jessica chastises him, the man giving her a rogue grin that sets off a spark in your lower stomach. “anyway its getting late, do you think you'd like to head to bed, y/n?”

your mouth opens to reply but nothing comes out. your thoughts are conflicting, a tug of war between your head and…something else. something darker.

“what did you mean when you wouldn't treat me in that way?”

the couple share a look as oscar tries to hold back his smile from broadening.

“would you like us to show you?”

.

.

.

when you were a teenager, your grandparents had given you the much-dreaded talk about marriage. how unless you would get a job they would have to marry you off to one of the wealthier men in town. your grandmother didn't see any reason to be avoidant of the conversation and decided to inform you about what most men wanted from women, and what would happen to you on your wedding night. she seemed to have avoided the worst of it with her husband since they were very much in love, but she had heard stories from other women whose husbands weren't so understanding.

fortunately for you, your new partners were nothing of the sort.

after your inquiry and frankly embarrassingly enthusiastic consent to what they wanted to show you, the lord and lady had gently guided you up to their bedroom before softly undressing you while praising you and your body.

“do you know how beautiful you are, my love?” jessica runs her slender hands up your arms, the woman standing in front of you as her husband undoes your stays behind you.

“i wouldn't mind hearing it some more.” you smile, letting out a squeak when you feel oscar’s hands squeeze your sides.

“how lucky are we, my love, we’ve got a gorgeous maiden with spunk all to ourselves.” oscar smiles.

“look’s like someone’s heard our prayers,” jessica whispers into your neck, the feel of her lips on your skin driving your mind hazy and your eyes to shut in bliss.

oscar finishes undoing your clothes and brushes the shoulders of your dress off of you to the ground, your hands instinctually coming up to cover your chest before the man holds them to your sides.

“don’t be shy, you're gorgeous,” he tells you, pressing a kiss to the other side of your neck and your cheek. at your nod, he continues his hold on your arms as he sits on the bottom of the bed, sitting you in his lap before wrapping his arms around you.

jessica sits at his side, her body turned so she can still hold and touch you. her hands move up and down your shoulder, as she presses a featherlight kiss to it. when she pulls away you take her wrist in your hand and bring up her hand so its in front of your face. she watches you as you admire her, the smooth lines and wrinkles of her hands and bring it to your lips for a kiss.

“such a sweetheart. we really did get lucky, my dear.” she says to her husband.

“and she tastes even sweeter.” oscar agrees, biting your neck and chuckling at your small yelp. “i say we indulge in her, frankly im sick of waiting.”

jessica places a kiss on the corner of your mouth. “i love it when we think alike, darling.”

before you know it you're lying down on the soft covers of the bed with jessica resting near your head oscar settling between your legs. it’s slow but intense, the way they kiss and suck and bite every bit of your skin until your skin and your brains are on fire. its made worse but so much better when the man drags his tongue up from your entrance up to your clit before giving it a long suck.

“oh my god-” your moan is cut off by jessica’s kiss, her tongue quickly entering your mouth and dispelling any thoughts in your head. the burning feeling at the pit of your stomach grows hotter when her hand trails from your cheek down to your neck before resting on your left breast, circling the nipple before giving it a rough squeeze that makes you let out a squeal.

“you’re so sensitive, my dear,” oscar mumbles into your cunt, using his hands to spread the lips of your pussy and stick his tongue straight into your hole and groaning at the moan it pulls from your throat. before this evening you rarely had thoughts of hurting another person, but its happening again when he pulls away from between your legs and your arms jerks to pull him by the hair back down.

you're given only a few seconds of recuperation before the two of them switch spots at record speed, oscar giving you a heated kiss while jessica throws your thighs over her shoulders and starts to eat you out just as ravenously as her husband did.

its only a few more minutes of pleasure before the look in jessicas eyes from between your legs and the sting of oscar’s teeth as he bites and sucks your neck before you feel yourself come to a release.

“thats it, oh that's perfect, baby,” oscar’s voice rings in your ear, the gentle comforting in your ear making your climax all the more powerful. you don't even notice your hand is trembling until he grasps it with his own.

the lady comes up from the apex of your thighs and brushes the red hair out of her face. when her eyes meet your own she smiles, and you clench your thighs together at the sight.

she giggles and squishes the fat of your thigh with her hand, moving forward to give her husband a quick kiss to his cheek, “i believe our dear is still a little pent up, my love. i think it’s time we seal the deal.”

the way they talk about you while barely acknowledging you causes your core to clench harder than you’d like to admit, a whine coming for your throat that brings their attention back to you.

“dont worry, sweet girl. our fun isn’t over yet.” the lord runs his hands down your chest and torso as he and his wife swap places yet again, his body hovering over yours. he smirks as he sees your eyes go blank with the feeling of his cock pressed against your stomach. “just give us the word and we’ll stop for the night.”

“no!” you shout, laughing at your own outburst. “i don't want to stop. i want you. please.”

oscar smiles down at you and gives you a kiss so sweet it starts to make your mouth and heart ache. he pulls away and uses his large hands to push your thighs apart to rest between them. able to tell that you’re getting in your head, jessica moves one of her legs to the other side of you, the sight of her bare in front of your face making your heartbeat skip.

“while he’s making love to you i'm going to show you how to pleasure me, is that all right?”

you nod your head so quickly you fear you’ll sprain something.

she smiles at you before moving some hairs from in your face gently cupping your face as she moves to rest her cunt over your mouth, her soft command of “lick” drawing you to stick out your tongue out to lick a long line from her entrance to her clit, and the sound of her moan ignites a fire in you that just wants her to feel as good as she made you feel. you bring your hands to wrap around her thighs and push her further into your mouth and the noise she lets out is nothing short of primal.

your main focus is on bringing the lady to orgasm until you feel something soft and large rub up and down your entrance, the feeling of it rubbing against your clit making you hum into jessica’s mound.

“take a deep breath.” oscar’s voice comes from behind jessica’s body, and she pulls her body away despite your pawing at her thighs to watch your face as oscar’s cock enters you, the sight of your eyes widening and mouth opening ina forced moan making her wetness grow.

they take a few minutes to allow you to adjust to the new feeling, waiting for your nod before oscar starts to thrust at a steady pace as jessica sits back down on your face to muffle your moans. you go back to grasping her thighs with your arms and wrap your legs around oscar’s waist to pull him in closer, the feeling of him inside you driving you up the wall.

all the while the pair are praising you, whispering it over the sounds of skin slapping and moans.

“that's it, carino, lift those hips up. show me how much you want it.”

“you’re tasting me so well, my sweet. just a little harder-oh yes, just like that.”

“gods above you’re gripping me like a vice. better than i’ve been dreaming of-”

you don't get to ask what he means before you feel the same pressure from earlier building up in your lower stomach, but it feels different. you’re squealing and squirming as it builds before you hear jessica let out a drawn-out moan as she squeezes her legs around your head, the taste of her arousal flooding your mouth. she’s panting and her skin is shiny with sweat and you swear you've never seen a person more beautiful.

she moves her body to lay on her side next to you, moving her hands down o rud quick circles on your clit as oscar speeds up his thrusts, lifting your hips to rest your bottom on his thighs to fuck inside you at a deeper angle. you cant even be embarrassed by the loud moans you're letting out before you're reaching your climax. the lovers moaning at the sight and feel of your cunt squirting onto oscar’s lap and chest.

the next few minutes are a blur, the physical toll of the night and the sex finally seeping in and making you drowsy. you feel a soft damp rag wiping down your body, each stroke being followed with a feather-light kiss and whispers. about how long they've waited for this, for you, and how they promise to never let anything hurt you again.

its the best sleep youve had in months.

.

.

.

when you wake up you stretch your arms and take a minute to just relax. its been years since you've woken up and had nothing to immediately do. its nice. you could get used to it.

getting up you see some nice clothes laid out for you, including a note left on the bedstand once you finished getting dressed.

dear y/n,

when you awaken, please come downstairs. we'd like to discuss some things with you.

j & o

the neutral tone of the note forms a cold feeling in your chest. from what youve seen you dont think the couple are the type to take down on their luck virgins, take their innocence and then kick them out. but after yesterday's events you cnt risk putting all of your trust into someone.

after you finish getting ready, you head downstairs, your mind instantly leading you to the large living area downtairs that you pass on your way to the dining room. the floors in the hallways are hard and the sound of your footsteps alerts your hosts to your presence.

"ah, you're finally awake! come, sit with us. we've got some tea and muffins here if you're feeling hungry." oscar welcomes you, motioning to a spot on one of the plush red couches and the treats on the table surrounded by them. jessica is sat lounging on one of the couches, a thick book in her hand.

you give a strained smile, walking over to sit on the couch before pouring yourself some tea and chewing on one of the muffins. they watch you while you eat, the gazes going back to feeling almost haunting compared to the heated way they made you feel last night.

"as you already know, we have some things we'd like to discuss with you, my dear." jessica scoots closer to your seat, setting her book down on the table and giving you her full attention. she must be able to see the fright on your face because she immediately gets up and sits next to you, wrapping one of her arms around your shoulders to cuddle you. "trust me, it's nothing bad."

"at least nothing bad for you," oscar snickers, dodging his wife's light slap to his leg.

"all we ask is that you hear us all the way through, alright?" jessica asks and cuddles you closer when you nod.

you understand her request when they explain what's been happening to you. apparently, they had been visiting the town in secret for a few months now, and after seeing you in a bar on their first trip they'd gone back frequently to watch you.

the way they explain it makes it seem like they're practically enamored and your heart is starting to hurt with how fastly it's beating.

but they know and give you a moment to relax and take it in, because they can tell when you're upset or overwhelmed. because they also tell you that they are vampires.

it takes everything in your power not to burst out laughing, but as they look at your face it all starts to make sense. the way they only apparently to drink a dark red wine, so thick that you wondered how it could be possible, how they were already enjoying their day in the middle of the night. the coldness of their skin.

"we understand it's a lot to take in. but we have one more thing to ask you." oscar questions while cozying up to the other side of your body.

you nod your head, figuring it couldn't become more shocking than what they've already told you. you're surprised at your calmness, thinking back on how you from a year ago would most likely be running for the hills now.

"we dont want you to just be a maid here. we want you to become one with us," jessica explains, the hopeful smile on her face near blinding, "vampire culture is a bit different than regular human culture so you can marry us if you'd like."

"but we would never rush you." the lord takes your hand in a gentle kiss.

"of course not. we just...we've never felt this way about anyone but each other. but your kindness and your character and your beauty...we couldn't help but to fall in love with you."

you can feel the start of tears forming in your eyes. despite a small rational part of your brain telling you its a trick, that they might just be doing this to reel you in and drink you dry, you believe them. you cant help to when they look at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

"i...yes. i want to be with you." you sigh, letting out a string of giggles when they hug you from each side. it's suffocating and warm and it's the best hug you've ever had.

"gods, you're perfect. this is perfect, we'll tell the maids to prepare more on things to get you accommodated, we made you a few outfits just in case but you'll need more, not to mention more of your favorite foods and-"

you and jessica share a fond but teasing look at her husbands' rambling, the man quickly rushing out of the room as he calls for some of the maids to make preparations.

despite your happiness, you let out a strained sigh at the bubbling anger you felt from last night. everyone on the village called these two beautiful beings monsters in the night while they had treated you poorly based on a liars word of mouth. it fills you with a rage you don't know what to do with.

"what is it, y/n?" jessica inquires at your sudden change of mood. when you explain your anger she agrees, telling you how the worst part of looking at you from afar was seeing how people treated you like less than them.

"among our kind the art of killing humans is rather taboo these days. nothing like how it was when we were children."

"what if it was for a good reason?" you shock yourself with your question, and jessica too based on the look on her face.

she slowly starts to smile. "i think you're going to like it here with us."

[geyfrog]

hey i cant really stay silent about this any longer. the meow percentage test is very clearly riddled with bias and loopholes. for one there are no rules about how many chats are counted. clearly one could select, for example, n = 5 and get an 80% meowing score, when the next 5 chats have ZERO meowing and a 40% meowing score would be more a propos. ADDITIONALLY by counting chats in which Others meow, the meowing scores are getting horribly inflated. if everyone can get a passing meowing score, then your meow percentage doesnt mean ANYTHING in the eyes of potential employers, grad schools, romantic partners, etc. again i know this is a difficult conversation to have but i cant stay silent on this issue any longer

The fact that the meow% test is being used as a barrier to entry for graduate schools/employers/romantic partners in the first place is what creates these perverted incentives… meow% is meant to be a benchmark for YOU to work on your OWN personal growth, it’s not intended to be an exam to be studied for and passed, it’s a METRIC to give you INSIGHT into the cat quality of your life and it’s the fact that it’s being used as a goal in the first place that breaks the system… somebody failing on the meow% test should be a personal indicator to THEM wherw they need to stusy and imprive, it shouldn't lock tjem off from education/employment/romantic prospects. The problem isnt meow% inflation, its that as things stand meow% only serves to as a barrier to access and it's only fair for peoplw to try to subvert it by sneaking in some other people’s meows… can yoy blame people for trying to do the best for themselves? Its only FAIR.

We literally as a SOCIETY need to repair these broken meowing incentives. THATS the problem, not people who sneak in a little artificial meowing in geoup chats because they have no other choice if they want get a job to survive. The meow% metric isnt being suddenly made meaningless by societal degeneration, it vecame that way as soon as employers started paying attention to it. THEYRE the problem. Enough of this snake breeding program… its clear that deserving people are being arbitrarily denied entry into their deserved firlds in favour of nepotism hires/rich kids who can afford to hire peoplw to meow for them over and over again and have no avtual passion for cat behaviour. Thats why our society isnt catlike enough these days.

The problem is NOT that peopke are cheating at meows & not enough people fail the meow test… its that MEOW% TESTING SHOULD NOT DETERMINE YOUR WORTH AS A CAT.

📄 Policy Unlocked: 🐱 Meow% Abolishment. Citizens have raised criticisms of the Meow% test’s effectiveness at assessing candidates. With 🐱 Meow% Abolishment enabled, employers will now use a different, equally arbitrary metric to determine candidates’ cat qualifications.

+2% citizen morale, -3% education

[imlivinginyourtrashcan]

The Kenny hc trade anon knows you have em already. What I meant is GIVE US ALL OF IT. please. If ya want to. Not forcing ofc.

Ahhh!!! Ok. SOOOOO let me get goin with this im SO excited. There may not be alot cuz Ken isnt my number 1 but I still like him:

Unnatural eye color cus of the whole cthulu thing

Its probably yellow or purple depending on how youre feeling

Has scars from all the times he died

But they reset if he has an explosion related death

Learned how to stitch in case his sisters toys broke

Ended up using it to fix his own parka and clothes

Does small jobs for people in exchange for money

His parents steal it for their addictions tho the bastards

Makes seggsual jokes but not in the adult way

More like in the

"Ur mom"

Way

Sure hes lewd but no way an eight year old can know THAT much.

Hair is messy as shit

He kinda smellz... he cant help it tho he cant afford to shower

Has school lunch debt :(

Its ok tho his friends help him pay it back

But he had to eat cheese sandwhiches when his debt was low (i had to do that too)

Does crazy shit for the bit

Excellent tree climber but gets bruised so easy

Doesnt have a missing tooth to me, that tooth was a baby one not permanent

Loves frog and bug collecting

Will show you the scariest most ATROCIOUS looking bug and be like

"Guys look!"

And then everyone else shrieks

Draws "squidwards" on the whiteboard

His older brother moved out of the house

Or got kicked out

Idk

Has a horrible relationship with his parents

Based on a story of my friend but he ate dandelions and acted high once

Autistic/ADHD. Idk which one

Cuz i can look at him and picture both

Maybe he has both?

Im not touching gender but sexuality? Definetly a women lover. I don't see him liking men tbh

Bunny is cute tho

I just think he works better with Kelly (that one girl from GGWK) or Tammy (but shes a fifth grader sooo...eughhh...)

Got into his parents addiction stash

He now has bad habitz

That man listens to gorillaz you cant say otherwise

Either that or

Bimbocore music

Just to be silly

Hes not his fathers son

His mom had an affair

His hairs WAY too blonde

Kennys dad has dirty blonde and so does Karen and his brother

But he has bright blond/marigold

Doodles all over his work

Mr garrison had to take points off his assignments cuz of it

Perfectly fine with being a chick for pretend

Batman hyperfixation

Actually no

Superhero hyperfixation

Batmans just his favorite

Clear parellels with batmans costume and mysterions

Eats dirt

Sometimes it has bugs in it (extra protein)

Def the mf to say "peepee poopoo" at a sleepover to keep everyone up

Speaking of

Dont fall asleep near him

He will draw a weewee on your foorehead and give you a mustache

Quiet in class

Loud asf with his friends

Thats all of em!!! Enjoy anons!!!!

[tears-of-boredom]

have eaten fuck all today. if I didnt fucking hate doing shit in this household id make myself brownies. but it feels so awful to bake when you know that you're hogging up space that someone else might need. and the sink is kinda full so id feel so fucking horrible if i didnt wash all the dishes and shit i used for baking. I fucking hate this house. and its getting late so id feel bad for making noise as well. I fucking hate it here. because all of these things i dont want to do are because i myself fucking hate it when someone else does it. fucking hate it when the counters are full of shit. hate it when theres easily washable dishes in the sink. hate it when people are being noisy in the house at fucking 22. hate it when they fucking leave any light on, because every fucking light in this house is bright as shit. I don't fucking get how blind these two are to need a light to see as soon as the sun isnt shining right into the room.

i swear that there was some positive post or something i saw recently that i thought really helped me stay calm in these situations, but i dont remember anything like that now. oh my god I hate living with people. it should be a fucking crime to force someone to live with other people for this long. if I had the option to move into my own place right now, you would have to pay me a lot of fucking money to get me to not go. like genuinely my price for staying here, if i had the option, would be at least a million euros. and at that point i could afford to move onto my own anyway, without having to worry much about anything. so its not like id stay even at that point. and if you said that I couldnt use the money to move out,,. tbh whats the time limit. how long do i have to stay here for the money. if its 2 years id probably take 10 mil. but if I had to live here forever, there is literally no amount that would get me to stay. like genuinely you could give me enough money to fucking end climate change and i wouldnt fucking do it. btw isnt that fucked up how rich people could legit just stop climate change but they just dont want to. controversial opinion but we should feed them to whales. wait hold on. why cant we just shoot all the oil into space? like all the fucking oil barons are like "ooh we need to get it out of the ground cuz were cleaning nature" which is bullshit and all, but why cant the famously space obsessed rich people just send the oil to space if its polluting the earth so much. its not like they fucking care about the milkyway getting polluted. what if we made a hole into the ozone layer again and just shot all the greenhouse gases out of it? i mean not literally all of them cuz earth would freeze over but you know, all the surplus. and why not get rid of some extra while we're at it, make the earth cold but still livable. or maybe just cool. i mean the drastic change in temperature would fuck up everything for a while but thats just natural selection doing its thing. maybe we can push all the billionaires into like florida or something, so the natural disasters are more likely to kill them. convince them that theres a bunch of oil there. wait no cuz the fuckers dont live where they make money do they. cuz they dont wanna live in the horrible conditions they're making people go through to exploit them.

anyway what was this post about? like,, me hating my family or something.

[weabooweedwitch]

Dude... I'm just gonna preface this by saying I have full empathy for the fact that you're struggling and that your mom isnt doing enough and has a lot of issues... but threatening suicide as a means to get what you want and telling someone they would be responsible for your suicide (!) is manipulative and actually crosses the line into emotional abuse. You're in the right in terms of your overall argument but it's totally understandable that your mom wouldn't want to talk to you in that moment if you're calling her a fucking idiot and verbally abusing her. Her responses were appropriate and boundary-setting as she was in the middle of something. I get she's your mom but you're an adult... you can express your frustration to her but you weaponized suicide threats against her and bullied her into action. Action she needed to take but the way you went about it was not ok. If you feel suicidal, go to a hospital and get help. don't use it as a weapon to hurt your mom and 'get payback' for her faults or make her feel guilty enough to do what you want

Asks that have me googling personality disorders because you probably couldn't be telling me this in a nicer way and even the slightest sign of criticism unlocks such a like borderline violent emotional reaction in me that like I basically instantly couldn't care less what you're saying because it's about me and "negative" and "ok if that's how you think fuck you too then" and these knee-jerk emotional responses are literally significantly impacting my life to the point I'm like maybe a month away if even, like probably WITHIN the next month, of just. Absolutely losing my temper on a manager or something and then there's another job I've lost because I physically cannot keep my cool

memory recalls a doc telling me once he thought I had BPD and my immediate reaction to that was getting offended and he's the only doctor I've ever seen that suggested a personality disorder besides a therapist who said I probably have DPD and helped me get on disability because I was so like mentally crazy I couldn't function for a while (and of course the second I get a job they kicked me off my benefits so, yeah, nothing like feeling trapped to stay working so I'm not on the streets). But like whats the point of seeking treatment in a country that doesn't have affordable healthcare. Which is funny because I'm actually on state insurance right now and it expires later this year but even when I have it I'm terrified of using it "because what if something doesn't go through and I still get charged"

But also like. It's pointless. My life is already like this. There's no improving it. There's no magically fixing me or her. My life is constant problems. Like now my cat is refusing to eat his special bladder food because my idiot mother keeps leaving the regular food down in large quantities and now Allister refuses to eat the expensive rx food that literally stops him from forming more urinary stones. All because she wouldn't listen to me literally begging her to watch him when he eats. Like literally, he's hungry right now and refusing to eat it and is looking for the food he's not supposed to eat, like he's literally choosing nothing over his dietery food. What am I supposed to do, let him eat whatever he wants and keep wasting money on preventable vet visits. I literally feel like I have no choice but to put him down the next time he gets a medical crisis because if this isn't curable and we can no longer treat or prevent it, I just don't have the money to go to the vet over and over and over and over. And there's my little best furry friend that I raised from a baby, gone, because I can't do anything

I tell my mom I'm struggling and I get invalidated. I tell my work I'm struggling and get invalidated. I'm just a hateful nasty person now and I'm actively wishing something horrible would happen to me. Maybe these beaus lines in my nails will be a serious illness. Maybe my constant significant digestive issues is some form of cancer. Maybe if I'm lucky when I'm going to work tonight an oncoming car will lose control and slam into mine killing me instantly

It's just. You can't. Fix so many of these things. At least not immediately, not without time. And not without money. And I don't have either. I can't even remember how many hours i slept today and now I'll be heading to work in an hour where I'll be called lazy in a roundabout way and spend my entire shift crying and obsessively worrying about all the bills I have to help pay and maybe try and apply for other jobs

But it's also like. Why. What am I living for besides like. Consuming substances and media. It's not like I can live without working and I'm starting to wonder if I'm just lirerallt too pathetic and wimpy and lacking of work ethic while also being full of trauma to fully support myself. I keep going from taking pride in how hard I'm managing to work and being absolutely devastated because like. I'm turning 27 this year, I didn't start working until 22, and I just have no savings, nothing to show for it, I'm running out of time, I'm getting older, I'm developing complexes over aging as I see the noticeable changes in my skin and hair and how my fucking bones hurt, and it's just like. Why should I even go to work tonight. I'm just kicking the metaphorical depression can down the road.

It's whatever. Have an emotional episode, contemplate dying, have a cry, recover, feel like a freak, hope the next episode drives me so upset I actually do it next time, wash rinse repeat, wanting something to happen but too lazy and scared to do it myself. I tell myself it's good I still have a job because it's literally forcing me to function but like. I'll be real and say if I lose job again, which would is a 50/50 toss up of my fault and them burying me in work, that, I dunno how I'll keep myself together, especially because, like, potentially disordered eating habits aside I've been losing a lot of weight partially because my job keeps me so active and it's been a huge boost to my mental health, so, if I lose that "free gym membership" so to speak, being forced to be active by necessity of my employment, thatll tank my mood again when I start gaining weight back because, I'm literally just maybe a month or so away from being a weight I haven't been in like. 15 years.

Sigh. It's time for me to be getting ready for work and I think I only slept about 4 or 5 hours. Nothing a protein meal replacement shake won't help with. Maybe I'll start drinking coffee to force myself awake so I can keep being a good little employment robot

[v0nver]

‎‏I am mohammed ayyad of Gazans, living in very difficult conditions because of the war that the Gaza Strip is under. Since the outbreak of the war on the seventh of October we have been evacuating .

‎‏Then the journey of suffering and separation began,because my children were separated and evacuated from our home without covering or clothes., From here they became infected with diseases, and what increased our fatigue was the constant upbringing due to the different areas in which we were displaced, as we were displaced 9 times, and this was very expensive, the last of which was the 9th of this August from Hamad Town. In addition to that, we have lived in the summer season in a tent that did not exceed three meters, closed with nylon, so it is like an agricultural greenhouse atmosphere. It is very hot. All in all, we live difficult days that no human beings can afford

We have no work because of the war, and we do not have any kind of money and this is accompanied by a crazy and horrible rise in prices.

Although water is not suitable for drinking, this is the cause of many diseases

The last suffering is that we are out of Hamad without taking our purposes or our tents and now we are searching the earth in the roads and our children and our elderly parents are suffering..So we use direct donation including what they can or share links fully so people can know our tragedy and pain. Remember a small contribution can make a difference in the lives of many children who are dealing with their health condition all. Leave their details and make them happy with your generous contribution.

Mohammed Ahmad, dearest gentleman, i am thoroudgly sorry if it is a misunderstandment but your wall of text is either writtend by a poor uneducated man or by a cheap uneducated company. i ask for forgisvenness if it isnt so as i think.

my name is Von Ashley, of myself, i was born in saint petersburd and since then something taken caredd of. my father is working in the military service and i never seen him much because he is busy working in the military service, and my mother was working in a school as a cleaning service lady and i dont have a fucking clue about where can she possibly be right now as when ibwas teb they got divorced and idk honestly why sidm i got ti be with my father and my mother idk whree she went adftreer that. after that there was this lady who was acting like misrtress important bitch n got me in absolutely unnecessary beating covering by the name of the parenting process but shes absolutely fucjing nobody to me just like that bloody bondy fat duck armyman who tried to disprove me by breaking me fucking ribcage it still hurts as shit i cant bear it even can't pretend to feel like i'm feeling okay is hard sometimes and you know what its fine i think as long as nobody knows about it i'm gonna fix it when i get better but since i was beaten up in kids school and in middle scool and in high school and after that a little bit i didn't make much to earn myself a living and living with grandma right now going every day into middle of nowhere to work for one dollar an olhour it doesnt counts but i think its gonna be alright some time soon or not or i'm gonna get hit by a truck

i tried committing suicide when i was 16 but it didnt go well and honestly i wish it did because at that time and even after all this time right now it feels like i am burning flames vivid every single second around me entire life that much bad it is and i honestly don't know what am i gonna do about that thing but it hurts so much that i wish i were dead right now and niw i am a coward in that thing but if i could retunr to that moment i'd jump all 13 floors without hesitation and i regret that i didnct do it back then

but now that i am a cowardly nitwit hobo who can't do nothing i think i can do something and i will try some things to get out of this hellpitand maybe find a human whom i'd be able to love to and i know this is hard consiredring just how pathetic egoistic and cruel are humans but i will try wit my whole self put into it so i'll finally make dreams come true cuz i wanna learn how a proper hug feels with a person who doesn't disgusts by the sight of me and how you can talk freely without fear that later youll get a punch in the gut for it or how to touch a hand of another human and not convulse because it is scary sa shit because you know i always seen this love kind of thing going around in books and cartoons and one dear friend said that it really exists somewhere but unfortunately we are not there and now that theyre dead i just want to see if they were really right and it does exist because personally from what do i see for now it absolutely doesn't. it is a dream for kids to reach and they promise it everywhere but then turn those same kids into 9to5vers and suck their lives out like lemon juicelike it is the most obvious thing to do and they talk about it everywhere and so there are many who believe it and talk about its importance but what is really important is not getting hurt because miss mistress bitch also said "i love you, you're like my son and shit" and then shit no bitch then she throws me on the floor and kicks the hell out of me until i cant cry and until i cant breathe and it was making me so sad that i cant express with words just how much do i hate that perosn andshe was like no father told that shes gonna be instead of mom but if it really is right then i don't wanna live in this cruel world where everyone is cruel and everyone is violent ans everyone is fighting and they hurt each other and treat it like it is normal if it turns out to be fucking true i want to just kill myself and jump off a plane and then throw the parashute away and be dead for the fucking while because this is fucking painful

anyways if you are really a poor man i can't really help and if you are a robot then go to hell and burn there for long cuz in some time im coming here as well and you better see it

@ayaalanqar30

[funshinebf]

putting stickers on your laptop is all fun and games unless youre like me and have horrible luck with them 😭 every time i start putting stickers on one thinking "well its worked great so far, so it should be safe to decorate with my beloved stickers!" and then it starts to deteriorate and become unusable😭😭😭 i dont know what im doing wrong with laptops like im not downloading viruses and i dont go nuts downloading huge heavy software or games. the most ive ever asked of them has been the sims 4, and even that i only tried to play on the best laptop ive had when it was still working well 😭 i want to try and replace the cracked screen so i can do digital art on it again but even if i Do get to fix the screen that wont make it stop being way slower than how it was when i first started using it. id be willing to just forget about trying to play any video games or doing anything that isnt art but like. i would LIKE to be able to play silly little steam games with my friends every now and then :•( but the main objective is definitely just digital art, so i guess ill just have to suck it up... even still, im having such a hard time finding the specific screen i need for it to work with my laptop AT ALL, let alone at an affordable price. even if i figure out how to replace it myself i'll still have to buy the replacement screen, which ive only been able to find at like at LEAST $150ish. which isnt THAT much when you have a Job but i dont. i get like maybe $5-10 every month, 20 if im lucky. id try pushing my commissions more but without the laptop i cant do very good quality digital art 😭😭😭 i can still do Some on my phone, but the image quality is always way lower, as well as the line quality. not to mention the strain it puts on my fingers and wrists to do my more polished pieces this way. i seriously dont know what to do. i can try asking for the money for a replacement screen for my birthday in August but honestly i was really hoping to go to a renaissance fair with my friends instead since thats like. fun, yknow? but i guess asking for the screen instead is more practical since i can use it to do commissions (if i ever even get any. ive only been commissioned like 3 or 4 times over the Years ive had them open. which i understand cause im not really a huge artist and my blog isnt art focussed so i dont thino i even have a lot of followers that are here mostly for my art. and thats on top of everyone else in the entire world also struggling with money so badly right now, like i feel so bad asking for money when theres so many other people who need it to Survive. urreugghh this world is so evil) anyways just. UGH. capitalism is such an inescapable hellworld and im so tired of living in it. i either spend all of my time and money and energy and effort into surviving and end up severely suicidal. or i try to spend more time taking it easy and focussing on things that make me happy but i keep ending up too broke to do anything cause it all costs money anyway. so i end up feeling passivelu suicidal instead cause i feel like i have no comfortable future 😭 this sucks

[bugcatcherwill]

typically kids have this thing of being picky with food despite it being good for them.

do the monsters have any picky foods they aren't fans of but need to eat them to help their now malice free bodies?

examples: sledge likes veggies despite in game moblins eat only meat, but is there a veggie sledge isnt a fan of eating but knows it needs to as that veggie has vitamins and nutrients it needs?

also I can imagine wizzrobes eat just to help replenish some magic same goes for sleeping due to your headcons of them being mostly magic. we know rezek hates cooked meat but is ok with dried meat but it needs to eat something with fats to help its magical body make and store more magic.

and ashen being a kid has to have some sort of veggie or something it hates to eat but has too to help its body develop and store magic for it to use later

Ooooo this is a good question!! For Kobb, Sledge, and Zayl, I can imagine they wouldn't be that picky with food aside from their individual spice tolerance. Because they spent so much time in the Malice with their dulled senses, even tasting something they don't like is still preferable to tasting almost nothing.

Which makes sense that Rezek would be more picky than the rest because it initially grew up without the Malice - only being inducted in it when it matured.

And yeah Rezek could probably afford to eat something fattier lmaooo. Maybe mushrooms absolutely cooked in butter. That's a favorite of mine, personally.

Ashen would probably hate radishes for their more spicy flavor if I had to pick a conventional vegetable for a kid to hate.

It'd be interesting to explore something along those lines, where we almost take for granted the taste of food. Something where one of them is eating something a coughing and sputtering and someone goes "doesn't that taste bad?" And they go "oh, yes, it is horrible, but that is why I love it."

[alvie-pines]

i know they say 'dont trust anything you feel about your life after 10 pm' or whatever but man. i just had to schedule a post begging for donations so i can maybe hopefully afford top surgery within the four-year period where i might have a chance to get it legally (as im going to college in connecticut but will probably come back to missouri and/or kansas for my masters degree) because things are...

im not gonna lie, things are bad.

im disabled and i cant work. i TRIED! i fucking tried. but even working part time for a few months last summer was miserable and has made my disability worse in the following year. i was taking the max dose of otc painkillers almost every day and still ending my shifts in tears. i had to spent most of my free time just fucking recovering. and in the end, it made my pain worse to the point where i couldnt function without a mobility aid. i cant walk or stand for long periods of time, i cant bend down, i cant carry heavy things, and i need my cane when walking around more often than not, which means i only have one free hand. i literally cannot do the things most entry-level jobs require. and my schedule isnt very free because i have a ton of doctors appointments, courtesy of my grandparents, to try to fix it.

and my academics are in fucking shambles. i had a mental breakdown last semester and had to drop two classes, take incompletes on the others. the two incomplete classes arent going well. im off my adhd meds and mentally unstable, having small mental breakdowns and panic attacks frequently, plus trying to keep up with my medical stuff and taking all my medications and also trying to balance it all with my chronic pain which is fucking distracting, constantly. and my ASL professor, who i need to instruct me, has not been able to meet over the summer, so im kind of lost on my own. no fault of hers, she has a lot going on. oh, and im also taking an exam which covers several subjects i was not in class for, so yippee! i dont have confidence that i will end this semester with anything close to passable grades. and i NEED to go back. for so many reasons. i need to get away from my mom, i need to be in a blue state where its safer for me, i need a degree so i can find work that i can do.

im also going through the horrible process of... well... processing the fact that my mom was abusive, and the extent of it. i feel like shit, i feel so fucking destabilized. i try to act normal but i am BARELY holding it together here, and the worst part is that i dont think theres much my therapist can do right now except help me talk through what im thinking and feeling--this is something i have to go through. i know it is, and yet i hate it.

and the worst part is, my grandparents are trying to support me, and theyre wonderful, so i feel like i should be doing better than i am. but i just cant. i cant do it. im falling apart.

[cryptid-immortality]

Can I say like. Living in a household where you're the only gluten free one and having no dedicated gluten free restaurants near you and no energy to cook for yourself and your family having no energy to cook for you is. I know I should be more careful about what I eat. I know I should be extremely careful about eating out. But I just can't be right now. I'm as careful as I can be but. I know I'm probably not as gluten free as I need to be, and I don't think I can be until I move out of my family home with my partners.