#and then maybe she can get a fucking support dog like she needs bc shes disabled but he refuses to let her get

[tinylittlebab]

bleh everything SUCKS

[boom-bada-boom]

shawn spencer, through a series of comedic should-be-impossible hijinks, gets turned into a cat without anyone knowing its him. he elects to hang around the station and help out however much his four paws can.

hilariously, it doesn’t change that much.

some notes:

hes brownish-orange (kinda like henry’s hair in flashbacks??) which means he is close enough that he has the orange cat curse™

trying to decide on what breed he is. obviously mixed but what is in the mix?? main thoughts are havana, bengal, and siamese

okay final thoughts: bengal-siamese mix with a havana-like coloring for both eyes and coat.

hes a chatty cattyyyyyyyyyy,,,,,,,, yapper frfr

dog-person lassie and cat-person jules (she canonically has two cats)

he is so indecisive on if he should try and communicate that he is shawn to the station. on one hand theyd know hes safe and maybe be able to help him fix this. on the other jules has literally played fetch with him. a few officers have hand fed him. several cat things occurred. he would never live this all down (human shawn after hes asked where he was for like two months: (heavy sweating) i dont remember)

shawn sleeping in lassie’s chair and on his lap. he started doing it for the laughs but now he has realized that oh no this is actually comfy. tragedy.

half the station supports shawn’s cat shenanigans. a third just take videos. the remaining sixth try to call animal control on shawn but he always gets away and hes back in the station like two hours later so eventually they give up lmao

while all this is happening the station is also stressing because of shawn’s disappearance. they cant find any evidence for what happened. shawn went out to pursue a lead and just vanished. consequently, shawn is trying to make them all feel better with cat shenanigans

he refuses to use a litter box. it does not matter that he is so so small now he is using the fucking toilet. (the officers start leaving the bathroom door open a crack so he can slip in lmao)

shawn reading over case files while sitting on them. hes participating (and solving them)

shawn as a human accidentally left a pineapple stress toy in the station (maybe on some forgotten corner of lassie’s desk or smth lmao) and as a cat he rediscovers it and decides to play ball using it. all this to say that people start calling him pineapple because of it. honestly hes quite happy with that name over some other possibilities

jules is the only one allowed to touch the pineapple toy. he doesnt trust lassie not to try and dump it or something like the spiteful person he is and he certainly doesnt want anyone else touching it. (he would allow lassie to touch the pineapple toy if it werent for that fact though)

(shawn very carefully putting the pineapple toy down in front of lassie for the first timeand staring up with his big ole eyes and lassie stares back and externally his expression is hella flat but internally hes like oh no. oh no its growing on me)

BIG NEWS: cats can in fact eat pineapple, just not a lot since as a fruit it has a lot of sugar (not good for cats), HOWEVER… “It’s hard to see why because cats don’t have the taste buds that let them enjoy sweet flavors. The strong sweet and tangy taste of pineapple is mostly lost on them.”

shawn finally managing to get someone (probably buzz) to give him some pineapple only to be utterly HEARTBROKEN bc it DOESNT TASTE LIKE PINEAPPLE ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!

juliet holding him like a little baby as he is purring like a freight train

LASSITER HOLDING HIM LIKE LONGCAT AS HE IS WAILING LIKE THE DAMNED

literallyyyyyy thisss,,,,

he breaks into the chief’s office to lounge on her desk and she gives him hardcore side eye before, after a while, just sighing and starting to pet him. “this station doesn’t exactly need a mascot, you know,” she tells him, to a reply of mrrp, “but i suppose a little bit of cheering up wouldn’t be too bad.” very carefully, she taps him on the nose. “but not too much. this is a serious line of work—no making a mockery of my station.” the dull thunking of a tail smacking repeatedly into solid wood made no promises.

inconceivable amounts of cat fur everywhere and on everyone. no one can brush him because he wriggles away like an eel and dramatically grooms his fur out of their reach. so he just sheds everywhere. hes got a thick coat there is so. much. fur.

he keeps sneaking into crime scenes. no one is sure how but they suspect he is hitchhiking in lassiter’s car. no one can prove it tho bc they cant fucking find him. the crazy thing is that he leads them to evidence sometimes like a narcotics detection dog but with completely random items that usually seem nonsensical at first. until they prove otherwise. consistently.

lassie to himself: man this feels just like dealing with spencer’s psychic shit. weird.

GUS FIGURES IT OUT FIRST. not because he saw anything but he just saw a newspaper about this cat solving crime with the cops and he was like “oh my fucking god. it can’t be.” and then he pulled up to the station yoinked said cat and went to an isolated corner to freak the fuck out with it. “shawn what the hell happened” he goes, and shawn meows with feeling

juliet watching gus talk to pineapple the station cat in the corner of the bullpen: ???????

several cops having the all-important conversation of what to label him as. theres no snappy cat version of K9 they can use. K9 is supposed to sound like “canine” but there’s no letter to cover the fel in“feline”

some say F9 and some say L9 and a few say FL9 or just straight up FEL9

BY THE WAY!!!!! “Police cats are becoming an increasingly popular addition to law enforcement teams around the world. These feline officers are being trained to assist their human counterparts in various aspects of police work, from sniffing out drugs and explosives to providing comfort and emotional support to officers on duty” SND ALSO “Because they are uncommon, police cats receive a lot of press. Many show up regularly in media posts. If your local department has a police cat, don’t be surprised if you see stories about them on the news”

police cats are a real thing!! shawn is not an official police cat but he is at this point an unofficial one. on rare occasions he might even listen to an order or two (the station thinks he may have been specially trained by some probably-illegal group or smth, escaped, and decided to imprint on the station) (btw this is an actual issue with some police cats. as independent creatures theyre not as predictable as dogs and might not follow orders, which is an issue in high stakes situations n shit)

[heartfucksmouth]

so my mil def overheard my meltdown yesterday and she's been quiet and meek and I can tell she had been emotional. before she left for work this morning she mentioned it and said if she can do anything to help me be happy living here she'll do it. but like... you wont?? how you act 99% of the time makes me unhappy and uncomfortable and like I'm being judged??

my mom said maybe it's good bc she needs the reminder... but it's exhausting bc my mil needs a reminder every 2 months to stop being a miserable asshole bc she's insecure af (and super trashy conservative White Woman) and it's not my goddamn job to be her mirror or her life coach or whatever the fuck this is

I don't *want* to dislike her, I don't want the stereotypical shitty mil relationship, I don't want to be uncooperative or hard to live with, but I also can't deny the feeling she gives me in my gut. Shea a fucking asshole and she doesn't even know it (or denies it bc she can't confront herself) and like. if she's spent 50 years this way, I'm not holding my breath that she'll change.

she's everything I despise.

she's racist, sexist, ableist, hypocritical, she's inauthentic always, fragile af, she lives her life in fear and speaks incredibly confidently about things she knows nothing about,

shes a hoarder of toilet paper among other things, shes a terrible cook and thinks salting food will give you a heart attack and she cooks meat while it isnt completely thawed so its dry af, she complains about everything and does nothing to change it,

shes self employed and has no financial plan for retirement besides relying on her husband (and son?). she charges us ridiculous rent so we'll never save up and leave, she yells and swears at her dog for doing dog things and uses intimidation to make him behave, she refuses to clean her house "unless someone pays" bc shes a house cleaner for other people,

she moves my shit and we essentially dont have evidence that we exist in the house except in our room (me and myles would have to bring our shower stuff into the bathroom every time until i bought a shower caddy and hung it up without asking), she once threw away myles toothbrush bc she "was sick of looking at it," if anything is wrong or broken or missing its ALWAYS myles fault, she expects myles to bring in the groceries every day even if its one bag,

she'll do all the dishes but leave aidans bottles for me to do, she insists aidan will die if he doesnt wear socks, she sits him in front of the tv and leaves him there, she lets him cry and tells him hes fine while refusing to pick him up to comfort him, she only knows how to make him fall asleep with a bottle and once hes asleep she puts him down, but she's pro-life and tried to use Aidan being born as further proof supporting her belief ..

she's a Trump supporter. STILL. I should have just lead with that. I could go on for a while longer but I'm exhausted.

idk. idk what to do. I'm just going the way I did with my dad and trying to feel nothing for her. I get that she's human and flawed and has her own shit and she's fucked up and insecure but like. I don't care? I don't want to cater to it or live with it or expose my child to it. I feel guilt for it, but I'm not going sacrifice myself to make others comfortable anymore.

I really hate this.

[sid3buns]

Cool little writing game I've been taggued in by @joeys-piano (thank you so much ! ) I've been writing SO MUCH lately to cope with the stress of several life events all happening at once and because I can't afford therapy, so this is the next best thing. I will post 3 snippets from published fics and 2 from current WIPs :3 I'm only tagging @fukurodani bc i think everyone else from my minuscule pool of moots who write have already been taggued, afaik ; but if not pls feel free to do it! Rules: Post your favourite line or passage from as many of your published works as you’d like. Let yourself feel proud of your creations! Tag as many people as you post snippets, so your fellow fic friends can be proud, too. Anchors | Windbreaker

All it takes to fall a man is to figure out where the hits are the most likely to land. This one was full of holes ; it’s a punch to the kidney, a swift hook under his weaker knee (the right one), and he’s on the ground, head bashing against concrete in a crack that might as well be the wind rattling a tree. Suo craves for more ; the song is not finished. If there’s to be an intro, a bridge, and a chorus, it needs a worthy finale. How easy it would be to smash your skull open, right now. He wonders if one hit is enough to see brain matter stain his kung fu shoes. He almost finds out ; his leg lifts on its own, it’s a hammer on a nail. One step away from being a coffin.

Bouquet | Blue Lock

” And what do you expect me to do about it, “ Barou hisses, busying himself with leaving wet circles of condensed water all over the table with his glass of beer. “ I don’t know him, I just prepare flowers for his wicked needs. “ That’s a half-truth ; Barou is starting to know Isagi. They chat for a bit whenever the man drops in, and it’s almost daily. He works nearby the flower shop, and it looks like it’s very demanding work. He has a dog named Müller, and he likes to watch soccer matches to unwind. They support opposite teams ; Barou gets to nag him about goals a couple times. “ Maybe just slip him a pamphlet, or something, “ Niko says wisely, staring at Barou from under his bangs. “ Or drag him to the back store of your shop and fuck his brains ou- “ The waitress has to intervene when Barou almost chokes Aiku to death at their table, and Barou gives her a nice tip.

Barou Shouei's Seemless Guide To Successful Dating | Blue Lock

“ What are you afraid of, Shouei ? “ Trust. His mom reads between his silences ; mothers are made of magic and stardust. “ Have you tried trusting this person ? “ and she knows the answer, because how could Barou even begin to understand how trust worked - he’s always been a lonely child, on top of his lonely mountain. “ Can you trust that they know you enough to understand all of the wonderful things you offer to this world ? “

Trying To Feel Alive (WIP) | Blue Lock

He’s surprised to see a flash of long, red hair, and he smiles softly as Chigiri continues to hit the dummy in diligence. Sweat falls in heavy drops from his drenched, beautiful skin, hair carefully braided to the side as always ; some strands have fallen in front of his eyes, sticking to his skin, but Chigiri is elsewhere - there is anger in his eyes, and sadness, and rage. It permeates his kicks with something foul. Chigiri is not training - he’s fighting for his life, right now, and it makes Kunigami so, so sad. (It reminds him of himself.)

Déjà Vu (WIP) | Blue Lock

” Because sometimes, Rin drives how he ought to really drive. “ They reach the very end of the cliff, and car lights illuminate the night in the faraway distance. “ Like he’s the freest man on this goddamn earth. “ They’re finally in front of them ; it lasts for a split second, and yet it feels like eternity in Isagi’s eyes. It’s here in slow motion, time standing still, he sees it all on Rin’s face - this punch drunk madness called freedom, seeping through each and every one of his pores, reverberated in the halo of his smile. In that moment, watching Rin feels like staring into the sun - blinding and warm, all engulfing. Isagi’s heart shatters into a million pieces, because he wants to chase after the light.

[g0rechan]

741-741

That’s the number you gave me when I was posting similar things like your last post.

Use it.

I love you. Ik this sounds parasocial but idc. You’re my only friend. I have no friends irl and chatting and vibing with you online has got me through incredibly difficult times for me. I was so lonely and still am, I had strong urges to commit suicide but you got me through it.

Please, use it. You’re an incredible person who’s funny and pretty and creative.

Call me a parasocial bitch all you want but I really want you to get help.

I did, I did call that number. I cried so hard and -aside from the time my dog died- it was genuinely the first time I’ve cried in such a long time.

I’ve been in such a dark place for god knows how long. It’s been so damn stressful and insane. The only thing preventing me from killing myself is friends, my art, fashion, and the events I get to attend with people. I love hanging out with friends, it distracts me from all my worries and all the bad that I know about.

I didn’t start feeling this way until I had to start adulthood with no preparation whatsoever and worry about paying bills and break my back to put a payment on my car that shouldn’t even be that ridiculously high (seriously, fuck capitalism).

And my parents tell me that I need to get over it bc I’m an adult and that stress is a part of life and that I’m not mentally ill, I’m a spoiled brat. Like WTF?! Yeah ik life is stressful, but I’m not allowed to be stressed??

I’m sure they were just as stressful as I am when they started adulthood. Especially since my mom was a fucking teenager when she had me and had to work jobs while my father was attending night school at the time since he had to drop out to support his family.

Ig they just don’t remember? Or maybe because they’re both in the upper middle class quadrant that they feel like they’re so much better than people who are struggling- Yes, I still live with them but I can’t consider myself as part of their family with how fucking irritatingly unhelpful they are.

I wanna go back to who I was as a teenager. Not caring, loving everyone… not being the bitter, angry, vindictive bitch that I am now. Before I used to be so happy when others were happy, but now whenever I get a manic episode and I see, like, idk a rich person or rich and upper middle class kids who didn’t have to grow up in poverty like I did, I feel bitter. Like, physically. I can feel it building up inside me and spewing into my mouth.

And once I get out of my episode, I feel so fucking stupid. It’s so childish and terrible, the last time I felt this way was when I was like, what? 12-13?? I’m like, “cmon, Miliani. Really?”.

I tell myself I should be happy, I have many friends and everyone is always telling me I’m so pretty, and artistic, and so many boys and even girls have crushes on me and try to get me stuff for free sometimes.

And I’m upset because, what? I don’t have money?? One minor thing that won’t make more of a person if I did??

… I don’t want to be rich. I just want to be financially comfortable. That is fucking all. And if I can’t be financially stable, I’d at least want people to care. I want people to understand.

I also just wanna have a connection with my mommy again instead of her being angry at me. I want to just be happy with what I have.

It sucks bc I can feel happy sometimes, but the bad thoughts always come back. It’s like my brain doesn’t want me to be happy. I talked to the suicide hotline and they recommended that I’d see my school counselor to get free accommodations for getting a proper mental diagnosis…

Overall, I don’t hate myself or my life. It’s just mental illness and the stress of this new stage in life is taking an absolute fucking toll on me.

I’m just glad that I finally know the root cause of my problems now instead of attacking myself and others in blind rage.

I’ll help myself, like I did with you. I feel good that I was able to help you through all the sad and stressful things in your life.

As of now, the thoughts are gone. They’ve come and gone all day, everyday. I know the thoughts will come back but til then. I want to strive to be the best version of myself. I want to learn to love and again. I want to be that caring, selfless, sweet girl again. And I know I can do it, with the help of friends and therapy.

When I learn to love myself, I can learn to love others again.

Thank you.

[saulwexler]

saul gone aired almost a year ago so maybe that's why i can't stop thinking about the whole thing rn. it all stems from the fact that i genuinely miss a show i can't even bring myself to watch anymore. but anyway. my mind keeps coming back to one element in particular: the handling of mcwexler's mental health. 6b tries and tries to show you how jimmy's self-destructive behaviors have taken a toll on him, but then nothing seems to matter anymore when he hears kim's confessed and then he proceeds to do it as well – in what seems to me like a classic "love saves you 🥰" narrative more suited for other kind of media imho. and as for kim, i know she starts to volunteer in the law again or whatever, i know she goes to cheryl, i know she isn't wearing those loser clothes in the last scene, still, i wish she could've gotten more of her journey – she was one of the main characters... until she wasn't anymore, and you were left to try and solve the puzzle of who is this person and how she's going to fight those demons that haunted her way before the howard tragedy. for a show who made me fall in love with these people's minds and how fucked up they were, the lack of closure or even perhaps realism and depth in the finale in regards to their traumas still makes me so sad

False it’s been 900 years since Saul Gone aired. It actually feels like grief since I don’t typically get that emotionally invested in shows and I don’t see it happening again. I can’t go back and I can’t go forward. just sitting in a corner i haunt 😩

my mind keeps coming back to one element in particular: the handling of mcwexler's mental health.

mental health in bcs lives in my head rent-free and I can barely articulate it. He was able pull out of his mental breakdown using the saul mask one more time, but it wasn’t really addressed 🤷🏻‍♀️ like, Jimmy has intense baggage, criminality-addiction-metaphors plus textbook mental health issues. He clearly has a good heart and is genuinely trying to dig himself out of a hole, but traumatic events keep piling up, and he lost the only people he could turn to for support (and these relationships were unhealthy to begin with). In a show that deals more with realism in the justice system, life in prison thematically works as jimmys ending! - it’s storage space for the mentally ill, addicted, and lonely. cynical and dark? sure!

nothing seems to matter anymore when he hears kim's confessed and then he proceeds to do it as well – seems to me like a classic "love saves you 🥰" narrative more suited for other kind of media imho.

This goes back to my theory theres a reason so many people seemed to think jimmy’s confession must have saved kim from her own punishment. The knowing glance before the the bait and switch confession feels like it should free her because that’s the type of cliche we are used to *in other kinds of media*. If life in prison doesn’t help her and love doesn’t redeem him, we are left with that more cynical dark ending (which doesn’t not work!) But the lighthearted tone from his sorkin-esque speech to the bus chant minimizes just how bleak his ending really is. It feels glib in a way no other character ending was.

The change of heart after he hear’s about Kim’s confession also denies him the same character growth. Kim is still his moral compass. If she told him to confess about lalo when the ada offered the deal (and i suspect when she was leaving him) i think he would have. but at least he became a man worthy of looking kim wexler in the eye! No longer a dog in kim’s presence now that he regained his humanity! humanity he lost from… trauma 🫠

There is “up to interpretation” and there is confusing. i chose confusing since gould and co have more recently doubled down on their *official* version (that jimmy wont get out early, probably wont see kim again). i would like a sane reason why they felt the need to backtrack on this instead of leaving us in peace.

as for kim, i know she starts to volunteer in the law again or whatever, i know she goes to cheryl, i know she isn't wearing those loser clothes in the last scene, still, i wish she could've gotten more of her journey – she was one of the main characters... until she wasn't anymore, and you were left to try and solve the puzzle of who is this person and how she's going to fight those demons that haunted her way before the howard tragedy.

it's frustrating the way kim was such an afterthough in 6b after being one of the most nuanced female character’s i’d ever seen. She just… wasn’t there, and when she was there she didn’t talk. i love rhea, she deserves all of the awards, but iif people think her best performance was sobbing on a bus I will riot. LET HER SPEAK!

We went from “i had to time of my life with you” to her telling some rando “when i knew him, he was [good]” like who is this person!!! We were so used to the slow organic character development there was definitly shock value in how she was post-time jump. trauma and guilt impact people, plus it’s been 6 years, and us obsessive freaks can take a stab at connecting these gaps! but honeslty i could do the same thing if instead of girloser floridakim, she became a train jumping hobo or a wall street trophy wife or an alcoholic working at piggly wiggly or whatever. She has become the blank puzzle.

for a show who made me fall in love with these people's minds and how fucked up they were, the lack of closure or even perhaps realism and depth in the finale in regards to their traumas still makes me so sad

it's still so frustrating that this show treated these characters with such nuance and depth, only to end things in. black and white. my theory with bob’s cantankery is its exactly like that. he keeps saying how miserable playing jimmy was, as such a lonely sad character… he suffered for his art and for what? for people to think he had a simple ending? Misery forever:)

[bunnyb34r]

Okay finally rested enough to talk ab the craft show!

So for YEARS this one has been heaaavily coveted by many crafters and has been hard to get in, but always told that it's worth it. That you'll make your table cost back in like two hours!

Yeah no... had mom not made wreaths, we would have lost money... Anyway super super dead at times like absolutely no one walking around, just the vendors getting up and shopping bc they could. Then it would pick up but you would get maybe 2 interested shoppers out of every 10. 4 if you were lucky.

People adored the boo boo bunnies and cat toys and I sold the most of them. So now I have to make more cat toys 😭. It's not the amount of effort it takes to make them, I love making them. I hate stuffing them with catnip 😭😭😭 but that's why people (and cats) love them. Also need to put bells on them bc people really like the ones with bells, which I stopped doing bc several people kept asking if I thought their cats would eat the bells... like you can cut it off man idc sgdggdgd once you buy it it's yours idc if YOU eat it if that's your thing just give me my dollar

Have to make a card for the bunnies bc it's hit or miss on if people know what they're for (you pop em in the freezer and hold them to a small "boo boo" and use it like a little ice pack, or you can pop out the reusable cube and use ice. Either way it's a cute little ice pack.

Only my one cousin bought any handwarmers 😭 and her wife had to pay me in $4 worth of quarters sgsgdggddg I was like take your time you could pay me in pennies and that'd be fine too (had a little kid pay me 25 cents for a slap bracelet in various coins and it was so sweet 🥺)

My mom posts our shows on her fb so that family and friends can show up to support us, and the first time since we've been doing these, we had 3 groups of family come in!

But that wasn't always a good thing...

[Put under read more for length]

My mom's cousin brought her daughter and granddaughter, and they talked for awhile and eventually mom's cousin bought a wreath (thank god). And she was like "oh my god this is so beautiful!! 😍" and complimented my stuff as well (but my stuff is more geared towards kids/parents like the boo boo bunnies, so she didnt buy anything from me agdgdgdg)

Then my cousin (not the handwarmers one) came and I used to really love her/she was my favorite cousin... until she moved back to the state and I realized goddamn you're super annoying and have 0 social awareness (in a THE ATTENTION SHOULD BE ON ME! and a never really thinking ab the situations she puts people in when she does shit, way. Not a "I am incapable of grasping social norms/social rituals"/"I cannot control how loud I'm being/why what I say might be considered rude" way.

Anyway she fosters dogs and has 4? Of her own, anyway she always has at least one dog with her at any time. Doesn't matter if you were attacked by one when you were a small child, or that you only have cats, it's a small dog! You're gonna like this one!!

She takes them into the grocery store too 😑. Anyway she brought her foster dog to it and ofc everyone kept coming over to see it and every fucking time she would canvas this dog like "his name is Bob. He goes up for adoption in two weeks at [shelter she volunteers at]" to every goddamn person who walked by.

"But Mar, doesn't that mean she brought customers to you?"

Nope! She and her dog blocked customers from my table bc they couldnt fucking get in with the people cooing at the dog and figured eh I'll skip this one, there's 100 vendors here.

Doesn't mean that every person who skipped would've bought from me, but none of the people who came up for the dog bought anything or so much as looked twice at my shit anyway. 😑

She did tell our cousin to meet her there though bc our cousin's wife is a photographer and she was gonna take pics of the dog at a nearby park. Didn't mention AT ALL that we had a booth, so they didnt really bring a lot of money, they thought they were just gonna say hi to us real quick then go.

My cousin's wife was like YOU DIDNT TELL US THEY HAD A BOOTH HERE?!?! OMG LOOK HOW CUTE!!!!! and they bought 2 handwarmers from us 🥰. And we gave their son some stuff for free as a gift (plus bc they ended up staying for like 2 hours and that shit is only so fun for a 7 year old for so long. But it was more so just Handwarmer Cousin staying to talk to my mom for most of it while her wife, son, and Dog Cousin went shopping/canvased Bob around. But I like HW cousin still so it wasnt bad sgdggdgd I just half listened to them talk while I took care of customers. Sold 1 ornament (the whole show), some cat toys, and I think another bunny, in that time lmao)

But the whole time Dog Cousin was there I was like 😐/🙁 instead of my fake customer service smile bc that smile only lasted until the second person she canvassed Bob to and that was approximately 30 seconds.

She didnt even consider buying anything, or say anything ab our table. Only when my mom asked her if our prices were reasonable. To which we got a "yeah." Then immediately back to Bob. 😐

After they left I went to walk around and goddamn there was nothing really good there except two crochet tables which had little plushies but nothing that jumped out at me.

Did trade a tooth pillow for a small tombstone shaped bar of soap of about the same price with another vendor sggdgdgdgd which was odd but nice

Anyway here's hoping my cousin wont come to the next/last show and that we find fun stuff at that one to buy sgdgdgdg

[roobylavender]

if we’re criticizing thg, i would like to say the quiet part out loud irt to why finnick’s death fucked with so many people’s heads: collins killed finnick off in the same book where she revealed the level of brutality he faced irt to sexual trauma at the hands of the capitol, after using it as reasoning for finnick’s inability to be a figurehead for the revolution. in addition, she did so after taking the time to fully establish just how much he & annie were each other’s support as deeply traumatized individuals, in a way i’d argue was a better thematic reinforcement than any relationship katniss could’ve ever ended up in. if any death was pointless, it was his. i’d go as far as to call it gratuitous, even, considering the manner of death and the almost… sensationalist nature of it…. like, he was killed by lizard-dogs.

and look, death is random, i get the point. that doesn’t mean it was executed well, or that the right character was used to make it.

idk, even as someone not as aggravated by the series as you are, and as someone who can still relatively enjoy it while making criticisms, it’s irksome to see people hum and hah about finnick’s death. they want to complain without ever saying why it left such a bitter taste in the mouth. but there is a very big why to talk about, and its just as relevant to the overall political commentary as the rest of the series! also to comment on district 13, it’s funny because i initially read them as the neoliberal extreme to the facist extreme of the capitol, with katniss being the one who wanted to burn it all down, so i guess not quite hitting her point is a habit for collins. or maybe i just need to give it a more sober reread as an adult, lmao. (but oh, speaking of, don’t read the prequel. ever. save yourself, it could be classed as a form of torture. it’s bad and a waste of time. like oh my gosh the essay i could write about all the horrible neo-liberal ass-showing that takes place. holy fuck)

yeah and like personally the thing that additionally irritates me is we don't even really get to know finnick. or any character outside of katniss and peeta really. every other relevant character is merely a face with a few key attributes or background trauma but they don't feel like actual people so the deaths not only feel pointless bc they're there for shock value but also bc i feel like i don't even have any connection to the characters who are dying. like she's so bare bones in the writing and overwhelmingly plot focused that it leaves most everyone barely any room to actually develop or become fully realized as people so it ends up being a read rife with senseless drama all to make a very watered down point about how "all violence is bad" and "the oppressed can be as bad as the oppressors"

[endfght]

🎲🎲🎲🎲🎲 i want more <3

tod waggner & kinsey oliver: tod b like 🧍 prrrety grill. dating christa or not this man is still blushing and stuttering and fumbling over himself in front of pretty girls im sorry theres nothing that can be done to change him. idk truly theyre both survivors of a tragedy??? both were/are incredibly fucked up for a Long Time after said tragedy..... emotional support friends when tod is just like a golden retriever he can be ur esa dog kins.

kirby reed & kinsey oliver: i had this in the tags originally and then was like?? idiot what are u doing sO : kirby is in the fbi now....... and probably would have been (or would have been in training but we can fudge the details ok) just starting out when everything happens with kins and mal the second time,,,, so What If she were to have helped mike (and his team) find them???? i simply think that these girls as her first case is sexy and would be exactly what she needs to throw herself into her job to rly stop ppl like charlie<3 and the man that took kins and mal.

bethany bixler & kinsey oliver: ok so it was a no on the hell priest with a love for pain and pleasure but.... what about deadites. totally different from creatures from hell........... but also we can go Not That and beth could meet kins while shes on tour w a band or something like that. kins if ur nice to her for one (1) second beth can get u backstage to meet the band for free ok just one (1) kind gesture.

jules louden & kinsey oliver: mal is related to the loudens,,, there is not a doubt in my mind that they attended parties at mals house for holidays/special occasions and to think that kinsey would not also be there is absolute insanity. jules/mal/kins (and stef too if she would like to join ofc<3) were probably an unstoppable trio when they were rly young,,, just annoying the absolute hell out of their relatives and gossiping. complete menaces if u see them walking towards u RUN. u know those holidays at ur aunt n uncles where u beg ur parents to sleep over for the night.... yeah thats them. their campouts in mals treehouse<3 but immediate Not Sweet jules comin Back From The Dead.. the first holiday that she attends and maybe mal brings kins with her.... how different their interactions would be.. but also so the same bc they all went through this horrible trauma and still came out on the other sside blah blah u kno. i think they could be neat.

michael roth & kinsey oliver: YEAH BOI. theres so mcuh that we can do with that but what can i write here that we havent already talked about???? what i cAN do is tell u some of my favorite ideas ok. im a sucker for letter threads so ,,,, if kins wants to keep writin mike letters he will answer them. or like. The FIRST letter she sends to start it off. the mental debate he has ab answering. mike interviewing them at the hospital but lowkey having the Worst Time bc he looks at kins and sees hannah and wants to scream and cry but also hug her. IDK i can keep goin i just we need to write them ok. kins (and mal) visiting mike and the others at the station a few months after theyre found to say thanks or smth idkidk thats probably dumb and a bad thread idea. they just have so much potential and the fact that we havent written them yet is a crime @graecland.

[hislittleraincloud]

...So I was just called a faggot near the end of mine and the baby's walk.

Yup...if I had to hear it, you have to read it.

Short (for me) story about it under the cut though, bc I'm posting pics of the canine.

I seem to have an on-sight polarizing effect on people, even though I don't even dress like I could be clocked as anything out of the ordinary: People either quickly gravitate towards me via animal attraction or they quickly decide that I'm somehow dangerous or a threat of some sort and thus I get one of either two reactions...they ignore me or they spew ignorance at me, often loudly. Silence vs. violence. It's always been that way.

We were almost done with our walk and were waiting at the street corner for the light to turn. There was one car at the light waiting to go towards the lake. I watched the gunmetal colored SUV's driver side window through the corner of my goggles because it was billowing weed smoke while he waited at the light. There were no other cars and no one else around. Just him, and me and my baby waiting on the opposite corner.

As soon as the light turned we started crossing and he started moving through the intersection but he leaned out of his window, said "Nice fucking dog, faggot!" Clearly and loudly. Young, barely even out of his mid-20s. I looked over at him as he did, even though he'd sped up. Once we got across to the sidewalk I double checked — he was indeed talking to me, as the sidewalks were still empty of other people and dogs.

My dog/baby is a little 7 pound pomeranian mix. She was bred for no other purpose than to be a companion to people (i.e. she's kind of a 'designer dog' mutt), so she was raised to be my support animal. She's sweet and cute as fuck, and brings a smile to peoples' faces (not that I care about that part... she's my baby). And she often does it by what she wears/what she gets dressed in (people misgender her and it's tiresome). Today she was wearing her Enid 1 jacket (she has a small collection of plush jackets, two are Enid Sinclair-like colored and one is black and white checkered "Wednesday" patterned, and she picks from them herself which one she'll be wearing on the walk).

It looks like this

I don't have pics of her in it but maybe soon she'll have a little fashion show 💀 She's the princess of our neighborhood.

And then I considered myself. What was I wearing to warrant that? I wasn't wearing anything that could even be construed as queer. New jean jacket over my Beetlejuice shirt, plain charcoal colored jogger pants. My 420 cap on backwards, my face fully masked (like in the Lords of Acid pics/video). My cane in my right hand, which is just plain black with a lucite handle.

What was I doing to warrant that hateful shit? Nothing. I was waiting on the street corner with my baby. Quite obviously needing the cane to walk with her. And somehow some asshole thought he would heckle me from his car with the f-slur.

Well okay then.

I don't know. I suppose I'm sharing this because even at 50 years old, even in the Bay Area, and an area in which there are queers everywhere, some asshole is going to call you faggot regardless if you even are one, and sometimes there really is nothing you can do about it except let it roll off your back. Words from strangers who don't know me don't affect me. I don't care what they think. I've never cared what they think. Why should I let such words hurt me? They're words.*

That's how I survived this long.

It's hard for me to accept compliments because the walls against hate are often impermeable towards love as well. Survival can be a trade-off, and sometimes we have to learn where the love is in order to let it in. It's even harder when I see that nothing's truly changed for us in the decades I've been alive. There are always going to be hateful people out there. You cannot just form a movement against it. People have the capacity for love, of course, but some people are just pieces of shit.

I guess that's why I pamper this fur child so much, because she doesn't have a hateful bone in her little body. If that makes me a faggot, then so be it.

She even rocks her Rowan glasses. She has a large collection of glasses/sunglasses. Hmn, okay that might be very, very 🏳️‍🌈. But she doesn't ever wear them outside. Maybe it's her pom quality? Short king with an Elle Woods dog. ...Maybe that was it....

[brittapcrrys]

this post just making me think abt something for, like, the 10th time today....

this got so fucking long ahhh i am just. justifying all this to myself as im unpacking where the feeings are coming from jsdfkhs glad i have a psych session next week, guess i know what we're gonna talk abt!!

i was rly generally frustrated this afternoon and got a message to pop around for last minute planning for the help/work im doing for mum's friend for the next few weeks. and like yeah i know that it is generally within my range of abilities, i know that most times i help 'em out like this it's Fine and occasionally even Fun, i know that if im Not Well or anything else i can text and say look can't do it today sorry and that'll be accepted!!!

but. whenever i am asked to Do these things (dog sit / dog walk / plant-sit&garden, etc) for "neighbours" and friends there's like......... they KNOW im unemployed and they KNOW i've done it before so there's this feeling of an unspoken expectation that i WILL say yes, i will agree to do it when and as asked.

and ig to some extent it's reasonable for any of them to think 'she's been happy to do it before so there's good odds she'll probably, hopefully, do it again!' and they're never DEMANDING abt it or anything so maybe it is, at least coming from the 'employer' in each case, mostly just ~in my head~ n something i'm seeing/feeling/projecting that's not Actually in there

but idk when i HAVE had jobs in the past (waitress, cleaner, babysitter, tutor, library assistant) if i got ~called in~ the day before i uhhhh could say no. and would say no. and i didn't feel bad abt it i didn't care like i had a (casual, but pre-planned) roster and i've been fortunate enough that saying 'no, i can't' didn't lose me those scheduled shifts or the job as a whole, i know that. but bc this isn't an ~official~ job there's no structure it's just a 'get a text 1wk-to-12hrs before, help a neighbour, get twenty bucks' kinda deal each time it feels like i HAVE TO say yes. if i don't have some other thing already planned, i have to say Yeah Sure or im evil and horrible and the worst and should be ashamed

excepttttttttt i think. a lot of that. comes from my mum lmao always a fun connection to make. bc i made some exasperated comment mostly to myself during that frustrated moment this afternoon and she was like "well what do you mean? why can't you do it? why would you say no? did you WANT to say no? it's not like you have much else going on... it's not even hard why wuold---" etc etc and dad isn't quite so expressive, ever, but less and less so as the PD continues to wear away at him & his speech in more obvious ways, but has similar sentiments. and like.... just bc THEY can't/won't say no to stuff doesn't mean i shouldn't????? mum will say she needs a week to herself and then 10minutes later has agreed to be a TRT (substitute teacher) for 3.5days that week. dad just thinks 'you do a job until it's done. you get asked to do a job, you do that til it's done' and like let's not even THINK abt the way that has worn each of them down physically and emotionally at different times, including now. like they just view Work and the related Expectations/Obligations differently, i guess? whether that's a generational thing, a ND (me) vs NT thing, a 'farmer and air force electrician' and 'lifelong teacher' and 'we both moved out at 16/17 and supported ourselves from that point on / u can't get something from nothing' thing. i have forgotten where this was going jfc

anyway. the dog will be a lil moody if i don't visit her for a couple hours & go for a walk, but she'll be fine. the plants can be watered by someone else, or - esp in the current weather - just miss a day, they'll bounce back later. me doing these things when asked is not, like, the key to holding the fabric of the universe together. nobody's life is gonna come apart at the seams bc i said 'oh, sorry, i won't be able to d that today/this week'.

and i shouldn't actually have to explain why! maybe i have a migraine and can't stand up straight. maybe i'm having a gastrointestinal Hell Episode. maybe i threw up overnight and am still very distressed abt it. maybe i haven't slept in 48hrs. maybe it's windy and im teetering on the verge of a panic attack and rly cannot be outside in it. maybe it's PMDD time and i know i don't have the patience to interact with another being especially not in a way where im solely responsible for it. maybe im bleeding heavily and cramping to the extreme on and off without warning. maybe i haven't been able to get out of bed all week because i just dont want to exist. MAYBE i just! don't! wanna!

and idt it's fair that anyone says or acts in a way that suggests im doing something Very Wrong or Shameful or Disappointing (there's a difference between, 'oh, that's disappointing, but thanks for letting me know' disappointment & 'why would you do that? what are you thinking?' disappointment, which is the kind i mean). is it gonna be fine most times if i agree to it even when i don't rly want to? yes. it's always mostly fine-ish. it's nto abt avoiding it out of anxiety or whatever like im not nervous abt walking this mini daschund that adores me. im not nervous abt watering plants that are essentially the same as my own at home. it's just, like, weighing up 'would doing this likely improve my mood/day? will it probably just be a non-impact kinda deal? what are the odds it makes me / my day worse?' each time (knowing when my psych appts are, when my period is and general mood shifts during my cycle, how my sleep and mood have been in the day/s before the 'shift', weather, etc etc etc) and determining which is likely to be the most effective and useful (or neutral, sometimes) option for me in that case!

and if that reason is just 'ehhh i really just Dont Want It today/tomorrow' that is also fine, actually

[mlmxreader]

Hi! Hope everything with you is going well. The dedication to your puppy is incredibly sweet. We did something similar for our first dog, she has a little shrine set up in the family room in her favorite spot. And it's low enough where the other dogs can also access it, they like to go and sit beside it.

Did you enjoy Oppenheimer? (Sorry if you already answered this) Did it live up to the hype? I'm genuinely curious because me and my siblings are planning on watching it (and the Barbie movie) at some point this summer.

I loved Trust in Me so much!

Alfie was there, even in your worst times. He was always there. But he was also there for the good times, too. When you hummed marching songs as you cooked in the shared kitchen, he would sit at the table reading his papers and smiling to himself.

What an incredibly beautiful look into the bond that Alfie and reader have! Good, bad and ugly, Alfie will always be there for him and nothing would change that. Alfie being a form of solace for reader, a place of safety, has me all giddy. Everyone deserves to have that place, person or thing which allows them to breathe a little easier.

"Alright, alright, I got you," he reassured. "I ain't gonna let 'em hurt you, don't worry." "C'mere," he huffed, guiding you over to the living room and pulling you onto his lap once he had sat down. "I'm with you, I ain't leavin' you."

🥹🥹🥹🥹 Alfie allowing the reader his time whilst also providing a constant support, making them a team. "I'd wait for you for a thousand years if you asked me to."

And them taking time off to head over to Missus Solomons, love it 🤍🖤🤍🖤! We need to have a full on piece dedicated to the wonderful woman and I really wish we were able to meet her during the series.

Thank you so much for writing this piece, it was absolutely lovely and fully made my day! (If you're still open to it, I will be sending in some more requests. Love the new Tom pic for the profile by the way 😊).

🐍anon

hi!!! yeah, he meant a lot to me tbh - I never thought I'd actually live long enough to see Brian go, and tbh, I still haven't gotten over it.

my psychosis has steadily gotten worse, especially when Jasper (new dog) isn't around, bc I just... nothing really feels real and my perception of reality itself has shifted MASSIVELY w the grief, so I'm experiencing a tonne more positive symptoms than I usually do which... ain't nice ngl. it's been tough. but both me and my dad are hoping that maybe if we build Brian his little memorial then it might get better - my psychiatrist echoed a similar sentiment, so hopefully it'll work.

Oppenheimer was good! I can't lie, it was good! I like the fact that Nolan didn't try to push the idea that Oppenheimer himself was somehow "decent", bc we see that he ISN'T time and time again throughout the film; what we don't see, however, is how his work destroyed so many lives - we don't see the Native Americans in New Mexico that were victims of Oppenheimer. we don't see the people of the Democratic Republic of Congo who were victims. we don't see the people of Japan who were victims.

so it doesn't really WORK as the anti-nuke film that it's trying to be bc while, yes, it does address the US gov and military's imperialistic, selfish, racist and power-hungry ways - it still doesn't address just HOW MANY people's lives were fucking massacred by Oppenheimer. so there's a LOT of criticism for the film, but it WAS good! I wouldn't say I enjoyed it the same as I wouldn't say that I enjoyed Dunkirk (which is another Nolan film that I think is good but also have a LOT of criticisms about), BUT I would watch it again.

it didn't change my stance whatsoever: the bombings of Nagasaki and Hiroshima were BARBARIC, and the reason behind them (imperialism and to show off) were absolutely abhorrent. the atomic bombs should have NEVER been made.

however, I do recommend seeking out the testimonials and interviews of victims of Oppenheimer BEFORE you go and see it - there's a few interviews w survivors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki on YouTube and tiktok and shit, especially, which I'd say are definitely worth watching before you go and see it.

in terms of the hype itself, I do feel as if it does a disservice to the victims; treating the dropping of weapons of mass destruction as a meme/joke ("going to see Oppenheimer for the laughs Vs Barbie for the intense philosophy") feels... icky, to say the least. bc Oppenheimer was a fucking MONSTER, frankly, and to treat a film about him as a joke, by extension, treats the victims of his monstrousness as a joke as well. it's disrespectful to the people who died, who were MURDERED by Oppenheimer, the US military and the US government.

anyway shfksjgkakf

I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed it!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Alfie and his bf definitely have a unique dynamic; they've been through a lot together, and even though he never says it outloud, Alfie knows the impact of shellshock and what it does to a man. to see it happen to someone he cares about... he tries to make the most of the good times. he tries to focus on the little things. on the flip side, Alfie's bf KNOWS that he can trust him, he trusts him enough to be able to allow Alfie to pull him back when he's taken away again. it's the little things!

ofc they gotta go see his ma! Alfie loves his mum, for a start, but he also knows that she's a safe person for his bf to be around; he knows that his mum wouldn't EVER purposefully try to trigger his bf or anything like that bc she's a good person... and he knows that his bf likes his mum's cooking fjfkskfkskg

we DO need to have a full on fic w Mrs. Solomons tho, she deserves it!! she's an icon!! it's a shame they never got her in an episode or two, but then again, w Tom Hardy looking like that, it's a surprise it didn't become entirely about Alfie tbh. it's the same w The Dark Knight, like, how there wasn't another trilogy ONLY about Bane, his whole "bomb the rich and corrupt" thing, his tits and just... looking like THAT? idk. same goes for Eames (Inception), Farrier (Dunkirk), etc etc. Tom Hardy Cinematic Universe when???

anyways shgkdjgkskgkdkfkakdkdg before I start banging on and waffling on about how attractive Tom Hardy is and how I REALLY wanna write more of his characters (Bane, Eames, Farrier, Alfie, Eddie Brock (ofc), Max, to name a few...), I'll leave you w this:

I'm so so glad that you enjoyed the fic, genuinely. and thank you for continuing to come into my inbox to talk 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

and of course you can send in more requests!! I've got 2 left to do, so I'm all ears!!

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

hey um this is a real fucking vent of a post maybe dont read if ur triggered easily by family/abuse stuff. I just had to get it out im sry. its not too coherent

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. my dad. one second we're having a normal conversation about art. then he's screaming at me to shut the fuck up, swearing at me, telling me how behind everyone else my age I am, telling me that I DON'T deserve respect or to be treated like a human, mock-bowing to me while laughing at me and saying that I think I'm sooooo important "like some kind of fucking princess" bc I said I don't deserve to be treated like I'm not human. yelling at me over and over to "shut my fucking mouth", saying that this is why I have no friends, why I lose every friendship I care about, and that he can throw me out right now if I keep "pushing it" and he won't care and there's nothing I can do about it. that I don't have real friends and can't name them. that I'm only acting how I am because I'm "on my period and a bit wacky".

....what sparked this? I said I wash underwear in hot water after I buy it, and that it didn't matter if that was "logical" or not bc I only buy new undies once every year or two. that's what sparked this whole thing. that and me saying "How dare you.I don't deserve to be treated this way." when he blew up. ...literally just yesterday he was saying how he's so proud of me and loves me. not even 24 hours ago he was saying that he could see how hard I'm working and that he understands if I need a break because I'm doing so well. ten MINUTES AGO we were talking about art, looking at the bedsheet I'd ordered and he was complimenting my choices and saying he'd put me in charge of buying new sheets for the household soon. TEN MINUTES AGO. what HAPPENED.

...and I know he'll just go back to loving & respecting me after (insert length of time here) when he feels like it, and until then I'll be excluded from all family interactions, treated like a literal threat and monster at all times, called "my abuser" instead of "my daughter", and forced to hide. ...and then I'll be his Amazing Smart Hardworking Daughter again, unless I bring ANY of this up in which case it will go from Bad to Worst and I am now "THE abuser". this is how it goes. this is how it's gone for a decade. why do I always forget this part when things are good. Even if I write it down or record it (THAT WAS A BAD IDEA HE GOT SO PISSED) it feels...fake??? like it just doesn't exist. I am fully aware that this is gaslighting.

I am fully aware that he does this and simultaneously presents himself to the community as an example of RECOVERY from abuse and has CONSIDERED BECOMING A THERAPIST. I don't have shit on him bc I have nowhere else to go, and I'm not in physical danger. staying here until I can get into college and/or get a job IS my best bet, bc while this is traumatic and unpredictable he's fully all bark, no bite. the majority-ish of the time, things are good. He does house and support me despite having just lost his job (though I'm paying for a lot of the groceries- no job here either), and he's actually been really amazing & supportive this year in general... except when he does This.

and GOD does This suck

one day I'll figure out how to stealth-record on my phone... idk why. when things are Bad Like This i want some record to release to our community once I get independent, and blow this lie out of the water. Ik it's ungrateful but like... what the fuck dude

I'm really thankful for what he's doing for me

but what the fuck dude

why

it's going to mean NOTHING in a few hours/days. he's obviously letting out some internal thing that he has no idea how to channel appropriately and nobody else he can aim it at who wont fight back (except my little brother, who has never done anything wrong ever in his life and is ALWAYS dad's "son") (and the dog, who he sometimes threatens to scare until she pees if she's barking like a lunatic at the pizza guy or someone, but he's mostly-joking/ never actually does it because she's "the best dog in the world") (...I'm treated less human then the dog)

but its just so mean

(also obviously if i even raise my voice/tone a TINY BIT at him, or say a word in a way that he percieves as mildy passive-aggresive, that's a trigger for things to go from Good to Bad unless I immediately literally grovel.

...if you want to uhhhh please send funny videos, art DIYS, animals, mythology, the worst most cursed music and/or mashups you know. I could rly use it rn. just rec me something. anything. (not fanfic tho- I'm currently writing my college application essay on fandom's role in modern folklore, so for once I Do Not Want To Hear/Read Any More About It)

[evergreen-pumpkin]

why do I have to do it?

growing up, I was the responsible one, the reliable one, the one no one had to worry about too much. Mom was busy with work and my little brother and my dad was traveling for work (and cheating while doing so). I helped protect my family, saved my dog, babysat when needed, and comforted my mom when everything finally fell apart. My brother has always been headstrong and tends to lack any kind of initiative or foresight, so oftentimes I found myself picking up the slack-- I did his chores (or redid them, as they were often done poorly), I made him breakfast, etc. But I never complained, as it would only add to my mom's overflowing plate.

I couldn't complain about anything. It would only add stress to the family and my mom was already stretched thin, I couldn't make her feel bad. Trying to get my brother to help was a neverending battle that often ended with him not doing anything anyway.

Time goes on, new relationships, new living situations. I thought maybe something would change. My mom's new boyfriend, while miles and miles better than my father, still doesn't offer too much help. Yes, he helps, but there's no initiative and it's almost like... He doesn't exactly know how to be an adult yet. Who does? But please try.

I visit home. I'm tired. Why do I have to remind the bf and my brother to do things like empty the dishwasher? Why do I have to remind people to get Xmas presents for my mom? Why do I have to monitor my brother and his friend bc of my brother's unwise decisions? Why do I have to sneak my dogs around because the bf's mom, who lives with us, can't be bothered to help her own dogs? Why do I have to make sure Oreo is taken care of, yet my brother swears he loves her and that she is his dog? Why can't I vent about this new house not having space for me without my mom getting upset? I'm not upset with my mom, I just need to air out my frustrations. I'm always there for my mom of course. I'm always there to support her. But why do I have to hear it all and then be unable to do the same without guilt?

I find myself complaining to my friends sometimes. I hate that because I feel that all I do is complain to them, and who wants to be friends with someone who does that? Plus, like I said, I don't hate my mom. She's fucking amazing and was just dealt an unfair hand. But I don't like being the caretaker. Leave me alone.

I hate having to help with bills when I can barely afford my own. My physical and mental health is declining. I find myself hating my brother. I can't talk to anyone about this.

I want to sleep.

[seirclys]

How the MLs were originally designed for Penelope's routes

@i-wanna-be-an-author answered an ask and I reblogged. And then I decided to separate my reblog into another post bc it was getting dangerously close to "research paper/analysis" length.

For a bit of context, they talked about JBE's post about how it doesn't make sense for Yvonne and Penelope to share MLs, given that the MLs killed Penelope multiple times. I propose that these MLs were actually meant for Penelope in the beginning, but Laila's brainwashing ruined it, as well as the curse on her. I'll also give short reasoning as to why some routes wouldn't work with Siyeon.

Derrick and Reynold would've been the tentative family healing path, where Penelope's circumstances improve and she begins to deal with her family issues and trauma. The two brothers would come to terms with Yvonne's death, introspect about their past abuse(after several wake-up calls), and how it ruined Penelope's life. Derrick needs counseling and to think about the implications of being physically attracted to someone 6-7 years younger than him(when he was 18 and she was 12), who was brought in because of her close resemblance to his biological sister.

This route wouldn't have worked with Siyeon(to some extent) because she herself gave up on her family in Korea, cutting ties with them. Reynold tried and defended her, which was how he managed to scrape by with an ok relationship with her. Derrick, on the other hand... well, he needs therapy.

Callisto would've been the route where Penelope was able to escape her circumstances through the hierarchy system. Callisto and Penelope would've been able to bond over their family trauma, deal with their issues, and be a pillar of support for each other. The position of Empress would've shielded her from any insults/pranks against her. They are, after all, intimately aware of each other's circumstances: The Imperial Ruffian/Crazy Bastard of Eorka and the Mad Dog of Eckhart/The Duke's Fake Daughter/The Chimpanzee with the Crossbow.

This is probably why Siyeon and Callisto end up together; Siyeon has similar trauma with Penelope, being a mirror of her circumstances.

Winter would've been a bit similar to Callisto, in that Penelope is able to escape her circumstances through the nobility system. Given that Penelope was an orphan from the streets, and Winter is known to take care of orphans, they could've bonded over that. His pristine reputation would've softened most of the attacks against Penelope. If he sensed magic in her later on, he could've taught her to control it, so that she didn't lash out and accidentally hurt someone with it. Anyways, Penelope needed a person who was gentle with her and helped her work through trauma, and maybe they'd deal with Winter's trust issues along the way. Penelope could've also bonded with the children under Winter's care, regardless if they had magic or not. Another thing: in this route, they might've been able to do something about Penelope's curse from the Laila. After all, Winter is highly proficient in magic and researched the ancient wizards/Laila a lot.

This route wouldn't have worked with Siyeon, because of her constant state of survival. Like in the manhwa, she would've deemed him too problematic to establish a closer relationship with. His trust issues were too much for her.

Eckles. I'll admit I hate on him a bit, but to be honest, it's kind of petered out to be lighthearted at this point. I don't really feel hatred for him as a character: like he did some fucked up shit in the novel that I'm not going to disclose, but in the end, it's my hobby to analyze characters and to see if they can be painted in grey. Given his status as Penelope's personal guard and a slave, Eckles would've been seen as a kindred spirit to Penelope. Both had low statuses at some point in their lives and are now in a hostile environment where everyone degrades them. With Penelope's childish nature and "immaturity"(how mature can a 17-year-old be when she's in a toxic af environment for 6 years of her life, with no one to help her rise to the expectations they had of her as a noble lady), Eckles could've served as a voice of reason, or helped untangle some of that trauma. I don't know. (To be honest, I should be analyzing Eckles more: It's more fun to try to analyze a character you don't really like objectively)Given their relative age and trauma, Eckles could've been a romantic or platonic relationship for her. Though hopefully, he wouldn't go neck-deep into the "obsessive yandere who'd be content with their target of desire's body" type of deep end. Again, something I mentioned was how stupid the idea of "Eckles and Penelope running away" was: if only because the duchy can't make their minds about her, and they'll think that he forcibly kidnapped Penelope.

This, I think, wouldn't work for Siyeon. She needed someone to fulfill her objective of leaving the game, and Eckles was more in love with her mask than her actual self. Both of them were using each other, with Siyeon focused on her own survival and herself, pushing Eckles away and giving him mixed signals and whiplash.

[endfght]

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delilah wayne & kinsey oliver: kins has tattoos,,, (i think) and piercings.... let delilah Do Them. idk anything about soa but delilah is in california?? in la?? if that means anything??? she would probably have a biker bf or smth i literally dont know shit about fuck but xo no one will replace mal ever but let them be besties. she also did hair?? so maybe she can do kinseys i literally do not know but i think that they could be Neat somehow.

riley mckendry & kinsey oliver: did kins develop a problem with her meds after they got out of the hospital or am i making that up??? bc if she needs someone to talk to,,,, she should go to anyone But riley unless she wants to meet hell priests and creatures from hell<3 no but actually if she needs to talk riley is There.

alexander duffy & kinsey oliver: stinky man. Stinky man that needs to Get Away from kins right now. he kind of sucks and is emotional (not like sweet emotional tho like angry emotional the Bad Kind). idk he's just like a Guy. if kins has any paranormal problems??? hes ur man for sure. hes going to flirt with her and im sorry theres going to be nothing that ic an do to stop it. she Is allowed to punch him in the face without warning. pepper spray is Also an option and he would deny it but it would not be the first time! anyway!

shiv roy & kinsey oliver: kinsey in succession when. i went on so much ab mal in succession and deleted it bc this is not the time rebecca. ANYWAY u need to tell me about kins in that World but even without knowing anything i think shiv,,, would love her (but maybe im just biased bc I Love Her). i could also throw out a younger shiv to be closer to kins maybe theyre in college or smth together?? atn had to have covered what happened to kins and mal right? like no shot a story like that Wasn't national. anyw.. yea Them.

colin graham & kinsey oliver: how. many times have we done the father/daughter trope before? who the hell actually cares bc i eat it up every damn time. we're granted one (1) tired apocalypse thread bc truly its what we do best but colin comin across kins n mal on their way home > him offering to guide them there since he has More Experience. him sayin yea sorry ur actually my kids now until further notice so sorry about that but yeah. he did have two daughters and he Will see those girls in kins and mal so get ready for that!! definitely would not be a lee/charlie/alice Dupe. colin is more Chill ok he was a park ranger hes just Vibing. plus he has a dog so like emotional support cuddles for kins or smth??? @graecland.