#which isn’t ideal but it’s not ‘i’m self destructive and i make everyone hate me’

[backtodecembertv]

i’m like “i torpedo all my relationships” but no i don’t, not the good ones. i torpedo the bad ones eventually because i don’t know how else to get out of them

[morsking]

literally most people who watch the ufotable anime first and hate shirou change their perspective about him when they read the vn and i can think of a specific scene contrasted between mediums where this can happen, namely the one where shirou is kidnapped by caster and archer has to go save his ass. the anime makes it look like shirou is this stubborn idiot refusing to admit he’s way in over his head too proud to be helped by a dude he doesn’t like in an effort to be funny. it fails to address an important bit of nuance in his inner world where it’s not just that he doesn’t wanna be helped by a guy he doesn’t like. it’s that he’s a shell of a person constantly throwing away his self-worth in an act of penance for the lives he couldn’t save as a literal child surviving a catastrophe. shirou is fucking terrified of archer getting killed for his sake so he’s telling him “no just leave me to die don’t you get it i can’t let you get hurt to save me that’s just wrong i’m not supposed to come out of this alive”.

but of course archer understands that kind of self-sacrificing nonsense never helped anyone because he lived it as emiya shirou himself. but archer is also so caught up in his self-loathing his natural helpful disposition to help and instruct shirou is kneecapped by that very same predilection for self-destructive penance. that archer is a shirou who is older does not mean he’s a shirou who’s got his shit together and assuming that archer is righteous in his hatred is a mistake people make over and over because the one thing they all miss is archer is trying to commit time-space suicide by killing one of his younger selves. and uh. suicide is bad. very bad. he just doesn’t know what else to do because no one ever told him what “better” looks like and he was in no state of mind to accept it until it killed him.

shirou gets mad that archer thinks along the same lines as caster and it’s not just that archer plays dirty that shirou gets mad at, it’s that archer is a person full of contradictions that says “well, i like to avoid conflict” but also says “avoiding conflict also means pragmatically allowing some people who have done nothing wrong to die”. to shirou that’s the most outrageous thing he’s ever heard. a hero of justice doesn’t sacrifice people. a hero of justice helps everyone equally but that is also mired by the contradiction that a hero of justice needs an evil to fight, so a hero of justice cannot save the evil lest they become evil themselves which is a whole other deal saved for heaven’s feel. and don’t you... agree with that? it’s quite simple. you should help people you can. people who have done nothing wrong don’t deserve to die. a world that treats the opposite as a matter of fact with no protest just isn’t a world that’s okay.

so you’ve got a kid who hates himself but wants to help everyone around him. a kid full of guilt over something he way out of his control who by chance survived when others died because he was too scared and injured and powerless to help anyone. is that really hateful? is this a person you should be mad at? or are you gonna tell me you were right about everything at 17 and weren’t wrestling with emotions surrounding your self image that as an adult you can see yourself going “whoa, i really wish someone would’ve told me it didn’t have to be like that. if they had i could’ve tried to like myself a little more”. or maybe that’s still not you and your adolescence wasn’t so bad. but it was somebody. and that is emiya shirou.

but i want to reassure you it’s not that you can’t find the way he thinks of himself frustrating. another person’s self-loathing can definitely be frustrating. but it’s about not letting your frustration blind you to the change that takes place in his perspective throughout the story. it’s the narrative of growing from a boy who wants to save everyone in self-sacrificing atonement to a man who wants to save others simply because it’s the right thing to do and that ideal is beautiful in and of itself. that there will be tears, that there will be hardships... that’s not what’s important. what’s important is that his ideal is borrowed yet sincere. an ideal that did not come from him yet can be made his all the same. if you’ve ever been inspired to do anything by someone else, then that’s a point you can use to relate.

and maybe despite it all that’s just not really your cup of tea. in which case uh. sorry. this is our protag. the story is about him. no engaging with that world without engaging with him because all the characters are also reflected by him. maybe try revolutionary girl utena instead?

[linkspooky]

Shigaraki and Dabi

Heroes hurt their own families in order to help complete strangers. Words said by Shigaraki, and lived by Dabi. If you haven’t noticed, there’s quite a lot of parallels between the two of them. Especially their childhood selves, dark haired hero hopefuls whose hair turned white due to stress and eventually fell and became villains. They were the children closest to the heroes, the son of Endeavor, the grandson of Nana Shimura, and yet both of them fell through the cracks the hardest. Let’s talk about the foiling of these two, under the cut. 

1. Father Says No

Both Shigaraki and Dabi are characters who grew up in a strict, patriarchical household where the father was the head of the household and determined all the rules. 

The Shimura household was built by Koutarou, who held all the money, and therefore determined all the rules. The same can be said for the Todoroki household, which only came into being to fuel Enji’s ambitions. This is something Enji literally thinks, his first priority when having children was not to love and raise them, but to raise heirs that would carry on his quirk and make up for the weakness in it.

Enji also literally used his financial wealth and status to pressure her family into arranging a marriage. In the households, the patriarch is the ultimate authority and cannot be questioned. Koutarou sets the rules of the household because he has all the money. Endeavor sets the rules of the household because these children are there to be his heirs. Toya and Tenko both break the rules in their father’s households in some way and become scapegoats. 

Ironically, they break the rules in opposite ways. Tenko, because he wants to become a hero. 

Toya, because his flawof the flames being too harsh for his flame constitution and burning his own skin makes him unable to become a hero and carry on his father’s legacy.

Quick tangent to explain what I mean with Toya. This is speculation, because we haven’t been shown the exact details, so feel free to point and laugh at me if I’m wrong. Endeavor says (incorrectly) that if Toya had reached his goal for him, that all of his pent up negative emotions would have disappeared just like that. (They wouldn’t.)

Which means, Endeavor once again projected himself on his child. Toya was supposed to fix all Endeavor’s hurt feelings for him. So, when Toya failed at the training. When Toya wasn’t good enough. When Toya was flawed. 

Which means it’s likely, Toya went in Endeavor’s mind from being the one who could carry his dreams, to being the one that Endeavor could scapegoat to blame for his negative emotions. Which meant, at some point he tossed Toya aside. At that point he started treating Toya differently. Toya probably pushed himself more and more to try to go back to the way things used to be, which is probably why his hair turning white, he started to crawl to Natsu every day. 

There’s also a lot of similiarities and differences between their households. 

Enji wanted his children to be born heroes.  Koutarou’s rule was no heroes allowed. 

Shimura and Toya both had a sibling they would run to and confide in. For Shimura it was Hana, and for Toya it was Natsu. 

Shimura Tenko is the youngest sibling in the household. While Touya Todoroki was the oldest. 

On the surface, the Shimura household seems more comfortable than the Todoroki household. Shimura receives a lot of comfort from his other relatives, his grandparents, his mother, his sister. However, none of them really confronted the problem in the household and at the end of the day Tenko was still getting beaten. 

The Todoroki household also doesn’t seem like it was a place of much comfort for Toya. It really does seem from flashbacks that all he had to confide in when things started going wrong was Natsu (again feel free to taunt me cruelly if I’m wrong). 

So, you have Tenko who is quietly and gently denied by his family, and Toya who suffers all alone in his household, either getting beaten himself, pushing himself too hard in training, or hearing his father beat his mother and Shoto. 

However for both of them, it’s a gradual accumulation over time. The stress of the household overtakes them. Their hair turns from its original dark coloring to white from the sheer stress of it alone. They, as children, are made to bear the stress of their entire unhealthy household, because they are the scapegoat. 

Endeavor genuinely believes that if Toya had somehow lived up to his promise he would never have turned abusive. 

Kotaro believes that it was Tenko who was upsetting the peace of the household, because he would just not stop it with the hero talk. 

They both soak up all this stress until it explodes outward. However, the incidents that turned them from Tenko -> Shigaraki, and from Toya -> Dabi are entirely different. 

Toya committed what was essentially a suicide. He either staged his own death, or failed at his own suicide and survived. Tenko didn’t kill himself, he killed everyone else around him. Shigaraki destroyed the household that was denying him. 

To simplify the manner in which they lash out. Touya destroys himself, Tenko destroys other people, especially the ones he believes are oppressing him or his friends. 

Well you say, Dabi is trying to take down endeavor. However, Dabi still sees Endeavor and himself as one in the same. His flames are Endeavor’s flames.

One last thing, Dabi and Shigaraki are both marked by their father’s abuse. Dabi was burned by Endeavor’s flames. Dabi literally lives with third degree burns, looking like a living zombie. Then makes his burns even worse by using his flames in the self destructive manner Endeavor taught him. 

Not only does Shigaraki still carry the lip and eye scars from being beaten up with a gardening tool, but Kotaro’s hand reaching out to his face is a symbol that Shigaraki keeps on him literally to this day by wearing a hand over his face constantly. 

2. Friendship and Ideals

So I think all the subtle differences in their backgrounds is what leads to them expressing themselves differently as adults. There are several similarities between them, but I think hardcore Shigaraki fans can tell you all the reasons they prefer Shigaraki, and hardcore Dabi fans can do the same with Dabi. 

I think a lot of it has to do with their relationships to their families. Families define how you connect with other people.

Shigaraki was instructed to always keep his family close to him. He’s always confronting his own feelings about his family, his pain from his family, that’s why when he lashes out he also takes his own personal feelings and pushes them outwards. Shigaraki isn’t concerned with right or wrong, moreso, these are my feelings. I reject the society that rejects me. What Shigaraki is concerned first and foremost, is feelings. His own feelings of being rejected, and also the feelings of people who were rejected just like him. 

Shigaraki is the heart of his group. He’s the person they all rally around, because they gave him a place of belonging. And, Shigaraki has also expressed several times murderous monster that he is that he cares about the individual feelings of those closest to him. I won’t let you trample on Twice’s feelings, his first thing to do when waking up is order the league to be close to him. 

Unlike Dabi, we’ve also seen Shigaraki directly confront the feelings of his missing family once more. He forgives his sister, he tries to comfort his mom. He destroys his father again. He tells his family that he denies them. He tells his grandfather that he still hates her. 

I would say that Shigaraki carries those feelings with him, while Dabi dissociates himself from his feelings.Shigaraki directly confronts those feelings because Shigaraki is the heart, feelings are what matter more to him. 

Dabi has feelings, obviously. Dabi has feelings even if he processes them in a way that’s not easy and palatable. Everyone in fact has feelings (though sometimes I wish I didn’t). Everyone expresses things in their own way if not in the typical way. 

Dabi is completely closed off in regards to his own feelings. He’s not like Shigaraki who is open enough about them he’ll tell his backstory to the whole league on the spot. In fact that’s another difference, the league generally knows Shigaraki’s issues, when they had no idea about Dabi’s. 

When really there was no good reason not to tell them. What are they not going to be up for murdering the number one hero? 

Friendship is a priority for Shigaraki. Individualism is a priority for Dabi. 

Dabi’s feelings towards the league are a messed up jumble, but his behavior towards them is pretty consistent. He takes every oppurtunity he can to insist that he’s not a part of them, that they’re all crazy and he’s the only sane one, that he doesn’t care about their feelings. This can’t all be Dabi just being tsundere or whatever, it’s physical steps taken for Dabi to distance himself from others. 

Dabi’s individual goals are more important than his connections to other people. Shigaraki has no distinct goal besides empty lashing out and therefore connects to people with similiar hurt feelings than his. 

Remember, Dabi self destructs. It’s likely, Dabi sees himself as a martyr. An individual willing to burn himself to take down the society with him. He’s trying to die for some cause like stain. 

So before I develop on this tangent one more difference in similarity between them. Shigaraki’s family is dead. He can’t really do anything but carry on their feelings with him. Tomarau means, to mourn. 

Dabi on the other hand, his family is still alive.He could have before the whole killing spree just shown up on their front doorstep. The reason he hasn’t, is because he can’t forgive Endeavor’s sin.

Whatever pushed him this far, whether it be a strong sense of justice, or a desire for personal revenge. Dabi values that, more than he values his connections with other people, even his own family who is still alive. This is once again the complex way Dabi handles his feelings, it’s likely he pushes his family away, the same way he pushes the league away and doesn’t process them. That’s why he says I thought about it so much I went crazy. He just insists he doesn’t care, and doesn’t think instead. Shigaraki lives constantly confronting his own feelings, Dabi lives by avoiding them. 

Dabi is impersonal, aloof, and only ever thinks of himself as an individual. He will cooperate with others if it suits his needs, but the bond of the league hasn’t quite reached him yet. There’s a consequence for this. 

So twice dying was Hawks fault. Because Hawks you know, stabbed him. 

However you could say, Dabi’s planning centering all around himself, and what he can accomplish as an individual, meant he failed to accomplish that Twice might get hurt as a result of him letting Hawks into the league as a Spy. It’s an unintended consequence, but still a consequence. 

Dabi showed up to save Twice but couldn’t. Then afterwards Dabi uses Twice’s death in the most gratuiotious way possible. Dabi insists once again he doesn’t care, that he never cared about Twice except as a tool that would have made fighting the heroes a lot easier. 

Shigaraki destroys everything around him. He destroys for the sake of the people around him. Dabi destroys himself, his own feelings, he self destructs. When people get caught up in his flames they’re sacrifices for his cause. 

Their priorities and the way they lash out are different. Dabi cares more for ideals than people. Shigaraki cares more for people than ideals.

However, they don’t have to destroy each other. Shigaraki trusts Dabi. Shigaraki of all the members of the league (with Toga as well) is the heart, is the best at sympathizing with the pain of other people because he is constantly in pain himself. 

Dabi made a mistake and as a result Twice got killed. He gambled with too high of circumstances. Twice let a secret slip and invited the heroes to the League’s compound. Twice brought Chisaki for a meeting and because of that Magne died. This kind of scenario has happened before. Of course Dabi insists that his motivations were less pure than Twice’s, he didn’t care what happened to the rest of the league as long as he got the dirt he wanted for his big reveal.

I’m not suggesting that Dabi is secretly a sweetheart, or a misunderstood angsting teddy bear. Just that Dabi is currently closed off from all of his feelings, that’s why he denies too the feelings of people around him and their attempts to reach out for him. Dabi has refused the compansionship of the league. 

It doesn’t have to be like this. Characters can develop. Shigaraki especially has been shown to reach out to people multiple times. Kurogiri is fond of him. Himiko and Twice in their moment of weakness, are convinced to stay on Shigaraki’s side because he shows their face to them. Spinner basically questioned why he was even staying with the league at his lowest point when he thought they had no reason to be there, and it was Shigaraki who he found his cause in. 

Dabi is lacking something. He’s burned off and emotionally stunted his ability to develop connections with other people. 

Shigaraki is lacking something. He is, again and again, told that he needs a plan besides destroy everything. Shigaraki is very observant of the world, and understands the truth, but he can’t get people to listen. Unlike Dabi who planned to such an extent, that he literally made a live public broadcast to turn public opinion against Endeavor because that was more important than winning a fight. 

It’s true Dabi and Shigaraki could turn against each other, because Dabi doesn’t value people, because Shigaraki considers his lashing out more important than his ideals. They could also be the ones to balance each other out. We’re at an important turning point now, Dabi can either break off from the league now that his individual mission is compelte, or he can finally be reached by the league. 

I think Shigaraki might reach him, because even though they’re grown up so differently they started in the exact same place. They were both boys who wanted to be heroes, and just wanted one person to tell them it was okay, that they could be heroes too. 

[ruby-whistler]

There are three types of misinterpretation of c!Dream in my opinion; and by that I mean anyone's take ever, whether it's a c!Dream anti or a c!Dream apologist or a c!Dream enthusiast. That's right, I'm making an essay about how in my mind everyone is wrong. This is how I lead debates please don't unfollow me-

1. misunderstanding or overdramatizing evidence

c!Dream apologists; g-guys. I'm not saying he isn't traumatized, but look. I really used to believe he was just everyone's victim and hurt and mentally unstable, and I'm not saying he isn't at all, but I changed my mind because I feel like the evidence doesn't,, point that way at all. Your emotions are valid, but your takes are very removed from what the rest of the fandom thinks because you take little hints and try to make them into some big angsty point within canon.

The evidence we have proves he is more ruthless than anything; even the content creator says that. He doesn't say why he does progressively more ruthless things, and he does say it's for his ideals and out of good intentions, but he doesn't say anything about him being hurt into doing it.

I'm not saying he isn't hurt. But making analysis of an entire character based on something that is barely supported by canon isn't the way I roll and I feel like it's one of the reason why people assume all c!Dream apologist are going to woobify the character,, because some of them really do that.

I don't mind portraying him as hurt by what's happened in canon, because that is a completely safe conclusion, but jumping to the victim side of the scale seems a little bit like painting a completely different picture than what actual canon says. (Note: talking about pre-Pandora c!Dream here.)

There is tragedy in someone being driven by the environment, circumstances and themselves deeper and deeper into corruption, but it feels like by only considering that the entire character is limited to one side of the argument.

I like to also see the side of him that will hurt people because he thinks he has to, because he wants to succeed above all, the side that will ruthlessly murder and manipulate and be calculative and clever and even self-destructive about it because he believes that'll get him towards his ultimately selfless goal.

That's my morally complex bastard.

A lot of people seem to be mistaking or ignoring that for the sake of saying he is just... hurt and that that is an explanation of his actions, and even though they don't use it as an excuse, it feels a little cheap.

And here we come to the core of the problem: an emotional vs. rational explanation for the character's actions.

Because the thing is, with enough evidence, you will see that nearly (we'll get to that in a bit) everything he does can be explained rationally. Everything is connected, everything is the most logical and efficient and merciless route straight from point A to point B, because c!Dream is fascinatingly smart when you look deeper into it.

He knows what he's doing. He knows his actions are awful, and he doesn't care - not because he would be some evil person, but because his mindsets cause him to justify such things, and mindsets are more complicated than feelings.

There is a lot to explore in that direction of the character, but that is material for another essay.

In short, people seem to enjoy removing all of his agency in favor of explaining his actions emotionally rather than from a rational standpoint which results in inaccurate analysis.

Do I think it is completely understandable he attacked L'Manberg?

Absolutely.

Do I think c!Wilbur painted him as a villain to benefit his own power?

Yes.

Do I think he utilized the villain persona as an intimidation tactic and often went overkill with no regard for anything but accomplishing his goals and that he slowly became more and more willing to do bad things of his own accord because he became determined and distrusting of the world to the point of committing horrible actions?

100%.

Analysing that part of the character is the most interesting part, when you consider it - and an important one as well.

2. ignoring evidence

c!Dream antis; please. Stop saying he doesn't care or explaining his actions with obsession or assigning him personality traits or motives that he literally doesn't have in order to demonize him I beg of you.

It's so many basic and easily debunkable assumptions that can be explained with what we actually know of his motives. People will ignore both canon and the authors' words to paint him as some monster with no nuance, which he is not.

We only know so much about him, but people will ignore and deny even the little bit we have for the sake of making him the literal personification of evil and erasing the fact that he is a complex and human character. Just accept he can be accurately analysed beyond hate and let people do it if you don't want to do so yourself.

3. assuming the evidence we have is everything you need to determine a final approach and that nothing outside of the presented evidence exists when certain details prove otherwise

c!Dream enthusiasts; this was the only and biggest problem I've had since being introduced to much more rational interpretations of the character - which is emotions, and one of the biggest reasons why c!Dream gets dehumanized in the first place; the fact that we have little to no showcase or explanation of them in canon.

You see, c!Dream is a reserved character. He likes withholding his plans, withholding his feelings and information from the world.

However, since all we can really get out of watching his actions alone is the rational side (and that is deliberate by both the writer and the character, narratively and personality-wise) people slowly begin to assume there is no emotional side to his actions at all.

Which I find,, untrue. Between the people who erase the rational side of the character and those who erase the emotional side, there is little middle ground, but I don't really find either of them right either.

Because neither would be an accurate representation; just because he doesn't actively showcase his feelings doesn't mean he doesn't have them, and the few inconsistencies that are too small a detail for us to put everything together show that he does have an inner emotional world beyond what we see.

The character does work beyond what we know, and expecting that everything can be explained purely by rationality because that's all we see of him seems a little bit jumping the gun.

It leads to a less person-like view of a character who in reality simply doesn't like showing people the way he feels, and I don't really find that fair to him. It is best to accept there are things we can't say for sure, or to say an emotional interpretation can also be valid at times.

It is both important not to deny him agency and not to deny him the ability to be genuinely hurt by others or changed by his environment.

Both of these can coexist, especially in

the correct interpretation

Ok this is a joke.

I have literally no idea. I'm just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks - he confuses me beyond belief. The only person who knows about both the emotional and rational side of the character enough to have their interpretation unquestioned is cc!Dream - but when we do try to find answers, it is important for us as well that we do not ignore any aspects or possible aspects of the character, because that is the only way to get useful results out of our analysis.

Sorry this was crit of basically every take about the character I have ever seen but I needed to get my thoughts out.

[theotherhufflepuff]

Simon Snow Trilogy Tarot Cards...

Ok so, a little while ago I saw this frankly stunning artwork by @vkelleyart and I started thinking about the Major Arcana archetypes and how characters from my favourite book series could fit into them.

So I made this list. It took a lot of thought and I’m still not 100% sure on some of them but I have explained my thought process for each card.

I don’t know how much crossover there is in the Venn diagram of “Simon Snow fans” and “tarot readers” but I’d love to hear your opinions and/or alternative suggestions (be respectful though, obviously). I’ve left “visual prompts” for most of the cards explaining what they looked like in my imagination and if anyone wants to draw any of these (or their own alternative version!) please tag me; it would make my day! I can’t draw for toffee so I am 1000% never gonna try to illustrate any of them myself.

List under the cut because it is loooong.

Spoilers ahead for the whole series!

0 The Fool - Shepard - Shepard just follows magickal creatures around and says “yes” to everything... he is the pure embodiment of the Fool archetype to me; care-free, innocent... prepared for everything and yet totally clueless. Visual prompt: Shepard about to (attempt to) step into the fog as he follows a fairy into the forest.

1 The Magician - Penelope - “Penelope Bunce is a fierce magician, I don’t mind saying” Baz, at least once in each book. Penny never worries about not having the power or words available to do whatever she wants; she is comfortable in her power and it is always there, ready to be wielded however she sees fit. Visual prompt: Penny wearing her Stevie Nicks cape, standing by a chalkboard in the classic “Magician” pose, ring clearly held aloft.

2 The High Priestess - Dr Mitali Bunce - Dr Bunce is possibly a more formidable magician than her daughter. Highly intelligent, straightforward and, let’s be honest, judgemental. But she does have all the answers. Visual prompt: Dr Bunce carrying around her laptop, phone sandwiched between her ear and her shoulder.

3 The Empress - Lucy Salisbury - Lucy exudes the nurturing, Earth Mother vibes that are central to the Empress archetype. She saw the best in everyone and all she wanted was to love Davy and live with him in their cottage with her chickens and their child. Visual prompt: Lucy, barefoot and pregnant, feeding the chickens outside of their cottage.

4 The Emperor - Lamb - This is one of the ones I’m not totally sure about. I went through a few different ideas but ultimately settled on Lamb as the “Vampire King of Las Vegas”. He is an imposing figure, ruling his city with an iron fist; if you are in his favour, Vegas is your playground, but cross him and you will suffer the consequences. Visual prompt: Lamb sits on an antique chair in his opulent suite at the Katherine, the lights of night time Vegas visible through the window behind him.

5 The Hierophant - The Mage - Again, this one took some thought and I’m sure some people will disagree with this interpretation... I’m not completely sold on it myself. The Mage was all about reforming the old traditions of the World of Mages and he amassed a following by doing so. But he turned out to be somewhat of a false prophet; abusing his power to oppress those he deemed “the enemy”. Visual prompt: The Mage in his Robin Hood costume, sitting at his desk at the top of the Weeping Tower, surrounded by his piles of banned books.

6 The Lovers - Simon and Baz - Obviously. As stated at the top of this post, I love @vkelleyart’s version of this card, but there are a lot of scenes across the series that could be used to illustrate this archetype. I personally always love to see the original “and then he kisses me” scene.

7 The Chariot - Fiona Pitch - I struggled with this one a bit and I don’t really think that this is the ideal version. But the image of Fiona, rolling up to Blackfriars bridge in her vintage sports car to rescue Baz from the Numpties really stuck with me so that’s what I went with, for lack of a better idea.

8 Strength - Ebb - Ebb is often dismissed and underestimated by other magicians but she is wicked powerful. But more than that, the Strength card is about inner strength, self control and the wisdom to know when to fight, and when to rest. Ebb is highly intuitive about the people - and goats - around her and is always careful not to talk about her twin brother, only conceding that she knows of his presence once a year and never giving in to the temptation to talk directly to him. Ebb saw the war coming and knew that she could probably end it all by herself with the power she had; but she also knew that she didn’t want that and she had the strength to say no, to eschew the expectations the rest of the World of Mages placed upon her and live quietly, instead. Visual prompt: Ebb in the hills behind the school with the goats, she wears a flower crown that the Dryad made her.

9 The Hermit - Agatha - the Hermit eschews the outside world in order to take an inner journey of self discovery, knowing that this is the only way to find real answers and achieve real growth. Agatha, jaded by the World of Mages, took herself off to California, leaving her wand at home. She didn’t know what she wanted but she knew it wasn’t magic. Visual prompt: Agatha sits on the beach at twilight by a small campfire, Lucy the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel by her side.

10 The Wheel of Fortune - The Crucible - The Crucible’s decisions, like the Wheel’s, are unpredictable and inevitable. Once it’s happened, you’re stuck with the consequences - sometimes bad (being stuck with a toff vampire who hates you) and sometimes good (getting the best room in Mummers house).

11 Justice - Natasha Grimm-Pitch - Natasha needed justice to find peace; her whole story is about justice. She was swift to act when the vampires attacked Watford, dispatching them without hesitation. When she came through the veil to find Baz and ask him to bring her murderer to justice, she knew that would also provide some closure for him, too, both for her death, and for his. Visual prompt: Natasha Grimm-Pitch appearing from beyond the veil, looking for Baz and finding Simon.

12 The Hanged One - Nicodemus - The Hanged One is about feeling stuck, but also about finding peace where you are when there’s nothing you can do about it. Nicodemus chose to cross over for eternal life, but he was stricken from the book; his (considerable) magic effectively taken from him and his fangs removed. He was stuck in between - not a full vampire, not a magician; he exists on the fringes of both communities. He got himself there and then he had to figure out how to get by, carve out a place for himself in order to survive. Visual prompt: Nicodemus sits in the tree in the garden of his mother’s house in South London, waiting for Ebb to come and sit on the empty bench beneath him.

13 Death - [scene on the Great Lawn] - Ok, so.. this might need some explaining. My immediate thought for this card was that it should be the Humdrum but Death is all about clearing out the old junk in your life that doesn’t serve you in order to make space for the new. And the Humdrum isn’t making space for anything. So I was thinking about times that has happened in the story and I thought about how the death of the Mage made room for real progress and an end to the war with the old families. Visual prompt: Penny and Baz (literally) run into a fleeing Agatha on the Great Lawn; the Weeping Tower looms in the background, the Mage and Simon visible through the blown-out stained glass windows.

14 Temperance - Simon and the Humdrum - Temperance is, as you might expect, about balance and harmony. Simon used so much magic at once that he couldn’t control it and it tore holes in the magickal atmosphere. Simon had to fill the Simon-shaped hole to restore equalibrium and stop the magickal firmament from collapsing altogether. Visual prompt: Simon kneeling in the Weeping Tower, pouring his magic into the Humdrum as he fades away.

15 The Devil - Smith Smith-Richards - The Devil is about feeling trapped by temptations in your life, often because we’re afraid of what we would do with the freedom we’d have if we let them go. Which got me thinking about Smith-Richards (that name never gets any less ridiculous) and all the magicians who were taken in by the temptation of “fixing” their magic. But it was a false promise and those magicians who narrowly escaped taking Smith-Richards’ spell were all freed from the idea of their magic being “broken” in the first place. Visual prompt: Smith-Richards (looking like the guy who would be cast to play Simon in the Netflix series) standing on a stage in the packed-out White Chapel, rapt audience hanging on his every word.

16 The Tower - The Humdrum - Originally I wanted to use the Weeping Tower for this card because the imagery is on point but the meaning doesn’t match. The Tower is about absolute destruction, the crumbling of something you thought core to your being. The Humdrum steals magic and renders magicians homeless because of it. The Tower is about having to start again from the ground up - just as the Grimms did when all the magic was drained from Hampshire. Visual prompt: The Humdrum, wearing Simon’s face, stands in the grounds of Pitch Manor, laughing. (I have always thought of the holes looking like a burn in a piece of paper - sort of glowing and smouldering at the edges as it eats away the atmosphere. I know the holes can’t actually be seen - the Normals would freak out - but that is imagery I would use here)

17 The Star - Lady Ruth’s candles - The Star is about hope and healing after the devastation of the Tower. Lady Ruth’s candles were a symbol of hope that kept her going when she thought she had lost her children. They provided comfort and, at the end when it became clear the Lucy was gone, the healing of knowing that her child had finally found his way home to his family. Visual prompt: Lady Ruth’s candles in front of a window, a bright star can be seen through the window.

18 The Moon - Agatha and Simon - So, the Moon is all about examining blurred lines between illusion and reality - nothing looks totally clear in the moonlight. It reminded me of how Simon never really seemed to have a clear view of his feelings for Agatha and what their relationship was. When he properly examined his feelings, he found that he didn’t love Agatha and was going through the motions because he thought it was what other people expected of him. Agatha was doing the same. It also brought to mind Simon, going out of his mind worrying about Baz when he was missing - as well as basically every other thought Simon ever has about Baz before Christmas Eve 2015 - and somehow mistaking it for hating him?? Simon is not stupid but sometimes he’s real dumb. Visual prompt: Agatha and Simon meet on the ramparts, both looking for Baz, and break up.

19 The Sun - Simon - This card is all about innocence, optimism and joy. Nothing about this series personifies this more than Simon flying above Shepard’s truck in America, feeling free and hopeful about the future for the first time in over a year. Visual prompt: Shepard’s truck drives through the vast empty desert, the sun beating down. Simon flies above the truck, joy on his face.

20 Judgement - Niamh and Agatha - Ok, this one was hard to figure out and this is maybe not the right solution, but I was very stuck. Judgement is about self improvement through self reflection. As a small twist on that theme; Niamh and Agatha challenge each other’s view of themselves and their interactions with the world around them. Visual prompt: Agatha and Niamh, sweating to death in Niamh’s “shitty Ford Fiesta” (I’m very salty about that line; my Ford Fiesta is lovely and it has aircon). Niamh is frowning, obviously.

21 The World - Simon, Baz, Penny and Shepard - The World is about completeness, the ending of a story, fulfilment and belonging. At the end of AWTWB, Simon has finally found his biological family, he is starting to accept that his boyfriend and his found family love him for who he is, magic or no, and he can finally start to imagine a future for himself. Baz has learned new information about his vampirism, Penny has found new confidence and Shepard is finally fully accepted into the group. Visual prompt: Baz, Penny and Shepard sit on Simon’s sofa (possibly still pink from Baz’s spell, possibly he spelled it navy blue again) Simon sits on the floor. They’re all eating leftover sandwiches and cake from Lady Ruth’s.

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

Hi fren! Been following ur blog for a while and honestly I love it! I was wondering if I can get ur thoughts on something :)) remember in sozins comet when Iroh refused to fight ozai becuz “history will see it as more violence, a brother killing a brother to gain power” but then cue to Azula and Zuko who are fighting for the throne and it’s fine?? with them?? doesn’t that count as more violence as well? Thank if you ever come across this :D

Okay, first off, I think it needs to be clarified what Iroh actually said in that scene in regards to sending Zuko to defeat Azula because the two situations are very different and everyone involved knew that. The exchange went as such:

Zuko: Uncle, you’re the only person other than the Avatar who can possibly defeat the fatherlord.... we need you to come with us. 

Iroh: No Zuko, it won’t turn out well. 

Zuko: You can beat him. And we’ll be there to help. 

Iroh: Even if I did defeat Ozai, and I don’t know that I could, it would be the wrong way to end the war. History would see it as more senseless violence: a brother killing a brother to gain power. The only way for this war to end peacefully is if the Avatar defeats the Firelord. 

(dialogue, etc.) 

Iroh: Zuko, you must return to the Fire Nation, so that when the Firelord falls, you can assume the throne and restore peace and order. But Azula will be there waiting for you. 

When I see the argument that Iroh sending Zuko after Azula was hypocritical, I think it ignores the reality of the situation and the pragmatic approach. Because Iroh was absolutely correct throughout this whole exchange. Here were the facts as of this point: 

1. Iroh and Zuko were declared traitors and could not legally assume the throne once Ozai was defeated, meaning Azula would assume the throne by default.

2. By this point in the series, Azula had shown at every point that she was just as enthusiastic about waging war and had shown no remorse for the suffering of the Earth Kingdom at the hands of the Fire Nation. She was particularly enthusiastic about the two major affronts against the Earth Kingdom: conquering Ba Sing Se and using Sozin’s Comet to burn down the Earth Kingdom. 

3. Azula was the one who had the idea for the ‘let’s use the comet to burn down the Earth Kingdom’ plan in the first place and was proud of that plan. If Ozai was defeated, she would have used her position to go through with the plan anyway.

Realistically, this situation is in no way ideal, but the reality is that Azula did need to be stopped from assuming the throne. Make no mistake, if she had the opportunity to do so, she would have been at Ozai’s side burning down the Earth Kingdom instead of staying in the Fire Nation. She was dangerous and needed to be stopped and that was evident from her actions throughout the entire series. 

And the situations of Zuko defeating Azula and Iroh defeating Ozai are completely different, mainly because it was never Zuko or Iroh’s intention for Zuko to kill Azula like everyone else was planning with Ozai. The intent with Zuko going after Azula was to stop her from being crowned, which was a thing that needed to be stopped, otherwise, the war would have continued. And Iroh was absolutely correct in his assumptions: Zuko and Katara arrived in the Fire Nation just before Azula was crowned Firelord. And in the end, as we all know, they didn’t kill her, they just removed her as a threat so Zuko could assume the throne. There is a difference between taking out an actively harmful force in a position of absolute authority (Ozai) and stopping a harmful force from taking a position of absolute authority (Azula). 

There’s also the facts that 1. Iroh had his own history as a general who held siege on Ba Sing Se for 600 days, allegedly committed war crimes, and wasn’t exactly well regarded in the Earth Kingdom. 2. Like he said, a fight between Iroh and Ozai was not one that had a clear victor. Iroh was not the right person to defeat Ozai, Aang was, for many reasons. (There’s also the fact that Iroh’s arc came full circle as he freed the city he once laid siege on, but that has less to do with the pragmatic rationale behind the match ups and more to do with thematic purposes.)

And this is a thing that also bothers me. There’s an argument that Iroh failed Azula and that part of the reason she was how she was fell on him and I don’t think that’s fair. And this post by @withyoutilltheendofthecredits articulates why: 

the ideas “azula was a victim of abuse who was manipulated and hurt by ozai” and “azula had a hand in a lot of trauma for zuko due to her awful treatment of him” can and should coexist

I think it’s important to keep in mind whenever we talk about Iroh, Azula, and Zuko how their dynamic was in season 2. Firstly, Iroh’s priority through this show was to keep Zuko safe. In season 1, he wasn’t so much there to actively help Zuko find Aang (and on multiple occasions seemed to work against Zuko’s mission), but rather was there to stop Zuko from making stupid decisions that would get him killed while offering emotional support and training him to be a better firebender. Does he actually want Zuko to kidnap the Avatar and return to his awful, abusive father? No. But he does want Zuko to have something that gives him hope, something that keeps him going. And Iroh’s priority is to be there to make sure this kid doesn’t do anything too reckless. 

 In season 2, Zuko technically no longer has his mission as he’s deemed an enemy of the Fire Nation and Iroh more explicitly works to help his nephew mentally and emotionally extricate himself from the family members that hurt him. At the beginning of the season when Zuko is excited about going home after Azula lies to them, Iroh voices his suspicion because unlike Zuko, who’s still holding onto the idea that he can win his father’s love, Iroh is able to look at the situation objectively and knows that if Zuko goes home, he’s not going to be safe and he is not going to be met with any sort of love. 

Zuko: Did you listen to Azula? Father’s realized how important family is. He cares about me. 

Iroh: I care about you!

And through the rest of the season, Iroh tries his best to take advantage of their new freedom by showing Zuko that he does deserve control of his own life, happiness, and unconditional love. He’s trying his best to help him through this difficult time because part of Zuko’s emotional struggle in this is reconciling with the fact that no, his father doesn’t want him, at all. When he was banished, he had the ‘if I get the Avatar I can go home’ thing to cling onto, but Iroh and everyone else knew that Ozai never actually intended for Zuko to succeed or return. So Zuko has to deal with that in season 2 and doesn’t get to that point, he still tries to capture Aang and he still joins Azula in Crossroads of Destiny because he’s not ready to let that little bit of hope that he could return home go. It isn’t until he takes a stand against Ozai with the “it was cruel and it was wrong” speech that he really discovers who he is and what he wants and the main reason he’s able to come to that conclusion is because of Iroh’s treatment of him in season 2. 

In season 2, Iroh not only protects Zuko from physical harm and takes care of him in regards to sickness, food, and water, but tries to drill into his head that he didn’t deserve the treatment from his father and shouldn’t throw his life away trying to please him. That he can have and deserves a peaceful life. And Zuko keeps going down the self destructive path because he’s been convinced for so long that him proving himself to his father is more important than his personal safety or happiness. Iroh just wants him to put himself before the man that abused him. He hates it that Zuko almost gets himself killed multiple times for the sake of Ozai. There’s their talk in The Avatar Day and their fight in Lake Laogai that bring this to the forefront: 

Iroh: Even if you did capture the Avatar, I’m not so sure it would solve all our problems. 

Zuko: Then there is no hope at all 

Iroh: No Zuko, you must never give into despair. 

Iroh: And then what?! You never think these things through. This is exactly what happened when you tried to capture the Avatar at the North Pole. You had him and then you had nowhere to go. 

Zuko: I would have figured something out. 

Iroh: No! If his friends hadn’t found you, you would have frozen to death! 

Zuko: I know my own destiny. 

Iroh: Is it your own destiny? Or is it a destiny someone else has tried to force on you? 

And as Iroh acts as Zuko’s protector and tries to break him away from his self destructive mentality, how does Azula fit into that? Here are the interactions between Azula, Zuko, and Iroh in season 2: 

Azula trying to take Zuko and Iroh as prisoners to the Fire Nation with no remorse 

Azula attempting to shoot lightning at Zuko in the first episode of season 2 and Zuko only being saved by Iroh redirecting it at the last second 

Azula shooting Iroh and seriously injuring him (it could have been lighting, but I think it was just fire) 

Azula trying to capture Iroh and Zuko in Ba Sing Se and succeeding 

Azula manipulating Zuko into going back to Ozai 

Objectively, Azula is a threat against Zuko’s safety and there’s a good chance she would have killed him in the first episode of season 2 if Iroh hadn’t stopped her. He knows exactly how dangerous she is and made the decision that he was going to do what it took to keep Zuko safe, which he did. With this exchange in Bitter Work. 

This isn’t Iroh saying ‘I have no sympathy for my niece whatsoever and am choosing to ignore her’. This is Iroh saying ‘Azula has proven herself to be an objective and real threat and I need to keep Zuko safe from her.’ And he was correct. I feel like this stance is reasonable when the last two times she saw them she tried to shoot Zuko with lightning and actually shot Iroh. 

And the reality of the situation is that Iroh shouldn’t have had to be the one to raise Zuko or Azula. He wasn’t their parent and he shouldn’t have had to be responsible for them. Ideally, Ozai should have been the one to do that, but that wasn’t the reality of the situation. And Iroh was faced with a choice: go with Zuko who was banished, injured, and lost, or stay with Azula who was not in a good home with a good influence, but who was still the favored, prodigy princess. He had a choice of which kid to stand behind and I think it’s fair to say that Zuko needed Iroh more when he was banished. 

Ideally, there shouldn’t have been a choice for Iroh. Ideally, Iroh shouldn’t have had to raise his nephew. Ideally, Azula should have had a better parental influence who didn’t encourage her violent streak. But it was by no means an ideal situation. Azula was dangerous and remorseless and Iroh was entirely correct when he saw her rising to power and realized ‘if she isn’t stopped now, there is no telling what she’s going to do’. Because he knows exactly who raised her.

[scarfdyedshadow]

The Unveiling of Ibaraki-Douji’s Character Across FGO (1/2)

I should start with the disclaimer that this isn’t specifically intended to be an analysis of Ibaraki as character, or so to speak an analysis of her narrative arc, character development, and growth over the course of Grand Order. For that, I extremely recommend reading the meta posts of @xenodile​. They are very thoughtful, insightful, and nuanced analyses of her.

This is more or less a consolidation of my thoughts on the reveals made about her character over time, the slow meting out of tidbits about what lies under her surface and what her true basis is. In short, the deciphering of her puzzle. In that regard, this post won’t go into Ibaraki content irrelevant to that, such as the relative low points of her treatment over time.

Ibaraki: “Kuha, kuhahahaha! Woman, woman, woman! Is this the first time you’ve seen something like me? Then engrave it within that body. Cram it in in place of the organs that’ll be devoured by insects after death. Violent like a rampaging beast, terrifying as a god, miserable as an insect! Knowing neither human weakness nor a warriors’ pride, lowly so as to wield one’s rotting arm as a weapon! That is an Oni. One who terrifies humans with all they have, a man-eating demon!”

When we’re first introduced to her in Rashoumon, Ibaraki is an intimidating presence, speaking of the depravity of the oni and how she is the embodiment of it. Right off the bat, there’s something to be said about her being fixated on what an oni is and how she fits the bill, rather than her own individuality.

Ibaraki: “Kuha, kuhahahaha! How nice, how nice!”

Kintoki: “This isn’t nice at all! Your eyes aren’t laughing at all, damn you!”

Ibaraki: “….mu, don’t insult me. I’m not used to laughing. Laughter from the bottom of my heart, huh… I can’t do it like Shuten.”

And only just a bit later, it already becomes clear she’s forcing herself a bit. She’s not used to laughing, to be able to do it fully and genuinely. And again, shortly thereafter, her weakness is called out.

Kintoki: “Can’t you tell? Bah, whatever. Hey General, can you tell her?”

Protagonist: “It’s because you haven’t eaten Shuten.”

Ibaraki: “Y-you human! Don’t say such a cruel thing! Eating Shuten was just a manner of speech! That... like hell I can eat her! I would never injure the Shuten that I respect so much, you fool!”

Kintoki: “See? She’s like that.”

Protagonist: “…a chicken.”

Quite contrary to her initial impression, Ibaraki’s fundamental nature is that of a coward. Certainly she has some capacity for fierceness and fighting, but she doesn’t truly live up to the violent, miserable, and terrifying image she projected at the beginning. And as for why she did that?

IbarakI: [Blushing] “C-can’t help it, this is an Oni’s custom! An Oni must always put on airs! That’s what Mother taught me!”

At this point we learn that the airs she puts on are an ideal she tries to live up to in order to be a proper oni, as taught by her mother. That’s someone that will come up later, but for now we learn from her debut event that Ibaraki feels compelled to hold herself to a particular impression, to appear as a fierce inhuman oni, due to her mother’s teachings.

There’s nothing in particular I want to highlight in her profile and lines, wherein she mostly presents as she does at the beginning of the event, as an imperious and deadly leader of oni. It certainly can be gleaned from her lines though that she puts a particular emphasis on her being an oni as opposed to a human. Throughout her various appearances in this interim period, she continues to insist on being a true and vicious oni while generally in practice being a big dork, though she never truly acknowledges this.

And indeed, throughout all this, her esteemed mother she seems to hold in veneration, perhaps even fear, continues to come up. It’s evident that even if she isn’t physically present, her influence is felt every time Ibaraki pushes herself to be a proper oni, to hold herself to that standard.

And then we get to her mats profile.

Ibaraki isn’t just upholding that image with words and to a mild extent actions, she’s literally pushing her own body to adhere to that particular image. It makes what we’ve known about how she forces herself pale in comparison.

Her personality section, as much as it understates what she went through because this game isn’t the ideal of taking things as seriously as they should be, explicates why she is how she is quite clearly. Her mother of noble birth, devoid of love, literally beat her into the mold of a proper oni. The reason she acts the way she does is because she was forced to every single day act as a proper scion to the oni, assume responsibility as a leader of oni. She was left with no choice but to mutilate her own heart and strive to act as a prideful monster, and she is constantly self-conscious of maintaining that image.

This then would seem to be the final word on how Ibaraki’s character came to be, but there are some additional wrinkles, first alluded to here as well.

Watanabe no Tsuna is a hunter of oni, the man who put an end to her grief stricken rampage and humiliated her by cutting off her arm. It’s only natural that she should hate him and want to kill him. But why then does she feel the conflicting impulse of wanting to talk to him? Why does she feel strong curiosity about him? What is there to be curious about, when he did what any human would do if possible and put a stop to her destructive rampage? Shuten only offers a cryptic answer, and Ibaraki is left with the lingering question.

Dialogue 9 I am an oni from Hell, but from the looks of it, that one's an oni of the present world. I can sense the blood of a high-class god from Shuten Douji, but Ibaraki Douji has a smell similar to mine. ...She must have been a human, originally. (If you have Shuten Douji and Ibaraki Douji)

The sparrow Beni-enma, soon to release in FGO NA, has a line for Ibaraki Douji, and it is a truly absurd place to receive such a major revelation. Ibaraki was not born as an oni, but as a human. It’s a detail that contextualizes why her mother of noble oni stock was so unrelentingly harsh on her, why she was so particular and forceful about making her into a proper oni. Such is doubly necessary to make up for the deficit of having once been human, of being so impure. It contextualizes as well why she didn’t take to that traumatic teaching easily, why she still lapses into a sweets loving coward. Her fundamental nature isn’t quite that of an oni, and that’s why she has to push herself so hard.

But then, how has this not especially come up before? Ibaraki’s basically never alluded to having formerly been a human, something which you would think impossible, even if she has an image she works hard to maintain. Likewise, she seems a certain degree too casual, too unaware, when it comes to what her mother put her through, even if she bears fear and awe.

Of all the places to do it once again, the tail end of Beni-enma’s interlude answers the matter, and once again contextualizes all of Ibaraki as a character prior. She was so thoroughly traumatized, so thoroughly indoctrinated, so thoroughly broken, that she repressed the memories of what she endured. She only remembers it as a distant emotional impression of having to crawl towards an impossible goal, of having to smile even as if she was in agony.

And Shuten maintains that illusion. Ibaraki has always been how she is. She’s never been through anything like that. She’s always been an oni’s oni, the ideal oni everyone wanted, and there’s no need to dwell on anything else.

Ibaraki is able to maintain her current self by burying her trauma deep inside of her, clinging to a reality of a stern but teaching mother that never existed. Of course she’s full of pride. She’s an oni, so she should act like an oni. There’s no need to think about difficult things, or be moved by uncomfortable sentiments.

Of course she doesn’t remember being a human. She had her past torn away from her by what she was forced to become, her memories ripped to shreds by the unsentimental abuse of her so called mother. To acknowledge what came before what she is now would be to undo her entire self.

And Shuten reveals she maintains this lie so that Ibaraki can remain happy. She fears Ibaraki will fall apart if the delusions she clings to are torn away. To simply allow Ibaraki to be carefree and pursue her desires is all she feels she can do.

But why does Tsuna come up? What bearing does he have on Ibaraki’s trauma? He’s nothing more than a sworn enemy that put a stop to her rampage and disgraced her by cutting off her arm. Certainly his presence stirs up some feeling, but it should have no bearing on her past, her pain, what she was and what she forces herself to be. Why does Shuten believe that if Ibaraki were to meet Tsuna, she might break down?

Tale of the Beginning and the End

― And just like that, it was all over. Grisly claw marks, destroyed houses, shattered household belongings. And a single woman nearby, close to the brink of death. I may or may not make it in time. It seems like I was wrong from the start.

I never expected us to come in contact with one another. The last thing I wanted to do was to even look at you. However, as long as you were alive. As long as you were happy. I thought that would be enough. But look, this is the reality.

she's dead / it's your fault she was killed / it's your fault that oni escaped / you must kill her don't avert your gaze / look away i'll carve out those golden locks of hers / you're not done yet decapitate her / kill yourself who should I blame? / no one is to blame

― And just like that, the man ceases his delusional thoughts. Oni are meant to be killed. I will slay her...that's all, nothing else to it. No, think. I have to keep thinking. Even if I die, until I die, even if I become corrupted.

I remember that look in her eyes, like bubbles that floated away and vanished.

Quietly, without a hint of any intense emotion, I stared back at the girl who had fixed her gaze on me. Everyone is a sinner. Oni are sinners, people are sinners, the girl is a sinner, I am a sinner. They are not just sins, but responsibilities as well.

I tightly grasp the hilt of my sword. I have no intention of giving it up to anyone. Having it even be stolen would be absurd. "Slaying that oni, is my duty."

― Tsuna, Tsuna, TSUNAA!

......the oni's claws approach. Something, whatever it is, swells within my trembling heart. I rotate my body, turn my arms, and swing my sword.

The truth of this fight, along with its conclusion, will soon disappear to the passage of time.

No one else can understand, will be able to understand this fight to the death between the two of us.

Watanabe no Tsuna’s profile paints the picture of a man unmoved as he slew countless oni. He is without hatred and without joy. He is akin to a robot.

And yet In his Bond CE this man who is even uncertain he has emotions to begin with, when it comes to Ibaraki, is left questioning everything he is. He is wracked with self loathing, desires even his own death, and condemns himself as a sinner. He berates himself and rages at himself.

He never expected to come into contact with her. The last thing he wanted was to ever see her again. It was enough that she was happy and alive. And yet it had come to this. No one but him can understand the truth of this fight.

The picture is perhaps of having come home to ruination. A doll lays discarded. Why is it that Ibaraki-Douji wishes to talk with a human she has only known as a sworn enemy in a single encounter? Why is that she has such a sheer curiosity about him? Why is it that to meet him again might break down the illusion of what she is? Why is it that the machine of a demon slayer breaks when it comes to encountering her and her alone?

Ibaraki-Douji, despite everything she pushes herself to be, was once human. She had a human family, and a human past. And perhaps that past is not quite as dead as her heart makes it out to be.

[blush-and-books]

i see you in the daytime (and i hear you at night)

collaboration with the magnificent @lydias--stiles - and when i say collaboration i mean collaboration. we both fully wrote parts of this. 

angsty/emotional juke one shot based off of the song “amen” by amber run. get your tissues. we have no regrets

"Jules!" he screams. "I don't care that I'm dead! I'm with you!" 

Tears pour down her face. 

"You should care! You shouldn't- you should want to cross over, Luke."

"Julie, its- it's going to be fine. We'll figure out a way to not cross over, we'll stay-"

"No!" Her voice rattles with sobs - she just doesn't want to be here anymore. She hates this situation. She hates the universe for doing this to her, to them, to everyone. "No, Luke, you have to cross over. I cant hold you back from that."

"But I want to be here. With you." 

She doesn't mean to say it out loud when she thinks it. It’s not one of those thoughts designed to be vocalized - it pops in, gets scolded and cowers away. But not now. She’s not strong enough. "Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I was dead," she whimpers. "At least then I'd be with you." 

Luke falls silent in horror, jaw slack and eyes like saucers. The words are like a sledgehammer to a mirror, shattering the perfect illusion they've created for two years straight. It’s true. Sometimes, late at night, when nothing can distract her, Julie wonders if it isn't just better if she dies and becomes a ghost. Then they can truly be together. Sure, it is tragically bitter and not ideal, but... Julie is tired. Exhausted. Every time he accidentally phases through, every time she has her birthday, every time she notices how his face hasn't changed since the moment she met him… she’s tired of the perpetual ache. 

Alex and Reggie both have felt the tug to cross over. They can't describe it. It’s simply time to go. Julie understands. It hurts, but she's been emotionally prepared for them to leave since their first performance in The Orpheum. Here’s the stinger though: they all have to feel ready to cross over. And Luke? He’s resisting that tug. According to Alex, it doesn’t hurt like Caleb's stamps, but it isn't pleasant either. Which means that Julie was hurting them for loving Luke.

"Julie...", he whispers, shaking his head. "Don't say that."

"So, you can say you don't care that you're dead, but I can't say I wish I was there with you?" She seethes, crossing the dangerous distance between them. Face to face, the green of his eyes begs to keep the little space left. Both know that it’ll be game over if they kiss, and then they'll have to start all over again.

 He averts his gaze. "Jules... you weren't the idiot eating a bad hot dog. You deserve to live a life full of... of everything." 

She scoffs. "So... what? You'll just roam the earth? Pining for me? We're not- we don't have to pretend about how we feel anymore, Luke." Tightly grabbing his hands, she urges: "Cross over - please. Don't be selfish." 

He freezes. "You want me gone?" 

The tears cling to her cheeks, lower lip wobbling. "No... no, I don't. I love you. But I can't hurt Alex and Reggie like that." 

"Then let them cross over!" He begs her, taking a step back with the hope that he can prevent them from doing something they’ll regret. "Let me stay! With you!" 

Frustration spouts from her throat. "They can’t! You died together, you cross over together! And we're holding them back." Her arms cross. "Let me go, Luke. Please." 

"You're not doing anything," Luke hisses, pointing an accusatory finger. "Me and the guys have talked about this. This is us. Not you. Don’t you dare put that kind of blame on yourself." 

"Then let me go," she whispers. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. They've fought for weeks. "Let me go. Please. You and the boys deserve to have peace... whatever that is. Because this-" Her hands motions at the charged energy. "-is not peace."

The last thing that Luke has ever wanted to do, is leave Julie Molina. Anyone could see that. But to avoid her self destruction and the pain of his friends - he may have to break their hearts. 

He'll let her go. 

But he won’t be at peace until he does one last thing. 

"You're right," he says, defeated. It almost looks like tears are in his eyes. "This isn’t peace." Pain flashes across her face as she watches him cross the garage over to her, jaw clenched and eyes dark. 

"Luke-" 

Furiously, he winds a hand around her neck and tugs her into him. Julie whimpers into the kiss, his fingers digging into her neck and hers gripping his hair, to the point that they're hurting each other, but both need to feel. Both need the other close. She loves him. She is so in love with him. 

If she can, she’ll scream at the universe and ask for a redo. It isn't fair. They belong together and everyone knows it. He shakes his head, mumbling against her lips: "I'll never stop loving you though." 

"Luke-" she chokes.

"I'm doing what's best..." His lips curls into a grimace. Her heart aches at the sight, wishing her kisses are a solace and not the venom finalizing the pain. "-but I'll never stop loving you." 

Pressing herself into his body, she kisses him harder. She can’t say it back - as she means it - because it’ll only make everything harder.

He knows she won’t say it back. But what kind of guy was he be if he leaves her without telling her? It would be another thing on his long list of regrets.

Maybe, if he has a pen and paper on the other side, ‘Unsaid Emily’ will get a sequel.

But he doesn't want to think about that right now. Julie is pressing herself against him, closer and closer even though he’s sure they ran out of space the second their teeth clashed at the first touch of their lips. He pulls her hips towards his, ignoring the way that the tears on their cheeks are blending and brushing against one another - and almost wishes that if he has to cross over, he will do it now. 

He wants his final moments to be exactly, exactly like this. He doesn't want to feel anything else before he loses her forever. 

Her head drops to his chest, hands slipping to feel the heat of his skin and kissing his shirt, right where his heart is supposed to be. The final blow is hers to serve. "Goodbye, Luke." A tragic puff leaves her. "See you in seventy years."

As humorous as it sounds - she says it heartbroken. 

His lip twitches, coiling a curl around his finger. "I'll be waiting." 

And then they wait. 

Slowly, his skin turns luminescent. Soft, glowing. Not as solid and firm as before. They don’t move. Their eyes are fixed on each other, even when the green turns a lack-luster grey and his hair transparent. The grip on her hair falls away. She feels her fingers sink further into his skin until her hands meet. Only his eyes remain, unwavering. 

And then they shut. 

It’s only after she was confident that all that remained between her fingers was air and memories, that she allowed herself to admit it. It's barely a gasp when she says it; too busy trying to take in the space that once made up Luke's form and press it into her lungs in case any part of him wanted to stay. 

"I’ll never stop loving you, either.”

-

A week later, in music class, she sings it. 

Like when she sang ‘Wake Up’ for the first time, it's just her and the piano. Her class watches with dread, but she doesn't care. This was the only song she could think to sing after shutting down for a week. Her voice carries through the halls as she belts every note, feeling those atoms of Luke propel from her lungs the energy that he would want her to have.

The last verse, the last line, makes her voice break. She already knows her face is dripping with tears - if the splashing piano keys were any indication - but she can’t wipe them away.

"Sometimes I'd rather be dead, at least then I'm with you," she all but screams, followed with tearful “amens” that she repeats and repeats hoping that the boys can hear her. Yelling out for them. Cursing the world for taking them; tearing her vocal chords with one last prayer that she’ll see them again. 

She wishes she was there. 

Reminiscent of the day that she met the boys, she runs out of the classroom. 

Flynn follows her out. 

[faelapis]

what i mean when i say i like jasper’s ending a Lot in terms of “what the character needs”, rather than what the audience needs, is that the transition from “fragments”, to “homeworld bound”, to finally “the future” shows, albeit quickly, a pretty interesting commentary on “want vs need”.

“want vs need” is a pretty basic storytelling concept of, basically, writing flawed characters who have some growing to do as people. they “want” one thing, but they actually “need” another thing.

so let’s talk about jasper’s “want” vs “need”.

cont: but you are not my diamond. if you think you’re hard enough to tell me what to do, fight me and prove it.

she makes her “want” clear in every episode she’s in SU future - which is that she wants to subjugate herself to a diamond, because that’s the only worthwhile purpose in life she’s known.

but we, and steven, don’t actually want that to happen. we know it’s not good for her health. we’ve seen that it’s not, both because hierarchies like those are toxic and because we’ve been shown, specifically for jasper, that it causes her to self-destruct over and over again.

so when it does happen, it’s very fitting that it’s in the worst circumstances possible. she begged for steven to fight her with all his might, over and over again, so he could prove himself a worthy diamond - to the point where he ends up shattering her. and when she’s brought back to life, she’s not even mad at him. he’s proven himself a “worthy” superior.

so we’ve been shown very clearly that jasper’s want is pretty, well, unhealthy for her. she would literally die for it, and get nothing in return except unhealthy, oppressive structures around her. getting everything she wants, at long last, fills her with a kind of void and fragile happiness... which only lasts so long as steven embraces his role as diamond and stays with her. 

hence we, and steven, only see her act at peace with her circumstances without complaint for a couple minutes, and it always (both in fragments and homeworld bound) ends in her own heartbreak. that’s the fragility of her “want”.

basically, it’s bad because, albeit she would know what to do with these structures... it would be at the expense of her own agency, character growth and health. it would always end badly for her.

this is a good time to point out the parallels to steven in “mr universe”.

much like jasper, steven doesn’t care if the structures around greg were cruel or oppressive. he never looks closely enough to notice how much greg hated his life. he just wants things he sees as “normal”. he wants guidance, certainty and authority figures to tell him what he’s “supposed” to do in life.

so. how is jasper’s “want” inverted?

much like rose would eventually do with pearl, the unhealthy attachment is cut by giving your subject a very bitter pill - disappearing from their life. by leaving them behind, you’re essentially forcing them to grow.

that’s NOT the main / only reason rose has steven, or steven eventually leaving beach city... but both serve the purpose of making someone who idolized you “deal with” your absence. and that’s certainly at least a part of their intention - rose thought of herself as stuck and likely holding pearl back. steven is horrified by the diamond role and wants jasper to do “something better”.

and that leads us to jasper’s “need” - to be free from these oppressive authority structures and find her own path in life. this would both improve her health & happiness, as well as making her stop engaging in unhealthy behavior towards herself and others.

now. is she fully “there” yet? no. 

but i think that as much as her trying to persuade steven to take her with him into the great unknown mirrors pearl - ie “i should be fighting for you, because you’re too important”, her reaction to steven’s reassurance that he will be fine shows that she’s already done more growing than pearl had at that point.

she’s likely been taking classes at little homeworld (where she was confirmed to currently live, NOT just visit to say goodbye to steven) for the preceding months between “i am my monster” and “the future”. she’s somewhere near accepting that her diamond doesn’t need protection. it’s also likely something she started thinking after “fragments” - if your diamond is truly so wonderfully powerful... why would they need your protection? what is your “purpose”? steven defeating her + leaving without her in “homeworld bound” both lead her to the same conclusion - she can’t fail or succeed in protecting him, because he doesn’t need her to.

thus, her role isn’t warranted.

“i can protect myself”. “i know... farewell, my diamond”.

it’s pretty significant to me that at the end of their little scene, steven doesn’t run away or give jasper any orders to stop following him. SHE leaves, albeit sadly, because she agrees with him. he can take care of himself.

jasper’s still framing steven as a diamond / superior, but... i think a big point here is that she’s someone who was so firmly stuck at the bottom of a pit of self-hatred, isolation and meaninglessness that she couldn’t unstuck herself - not without being pushed to do so. which ended up also being true for steven.

that’s the irony of the double-edged sword of her “want” - in a way, she’s right about one thing. she can’t just magically get better on her own.

i think the episode “guidance” illustrates an interesting balance between steven and amethyst’s philosophies - amethyst would rather gems do whatever, even if they end up slipping back into their old patterns. steven would rather guide them towards challenging themselves, even if that means dismissing their autonomy.

jasper... kinda gets both? her “want” and “need” play into each other in interesting ways. i’ve been framing her want as a negative a lot, but it does have an interesting silver lining - she had to get what she wanted (to be defeated, to be given a diamond), to be pushed to what she needed.

and in turn, steven needed to listen to and adapt to HER, in order to help her. only after doing that, after being pushed by jasper in turn and truly giving her what she wants, even if it tears you apart mentally... would she ever listen to you. as steven is probably used to by now.

and despite the tragedy of it, i think that’s... kind of an okay thing to show? because not everyone will seek help on their own. it’s not the uplifting message of “anyone who needs help will eventually realize it entirely on their own”, but it IS the hopeful message of “even people who refuse help, deserve help”. 

there’s horror in steven ultimately adapting to jasper’s desires, because it shows them both the fragility of their wants - for steven, being able to control jasper was a horrifying consequence. he got what he “wanted” in the worst way possible. for jasper, getting what she “wanted” meant being forced to let it (steven) go in favor of staying at little homeworld. 

but honestly... we already knew that jasper would never seek help on her own. she’s too “selfless”, in the toxic sense. purpose matters most.

and she’s not alone in that.

“pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. she put rose quartz over everything; over logic, over consequence, over her own life.”

pearl taking rose down from that pedestal was a slow, elaborate, exhausting process that took years of actively working on herself. the majority of that work was only done after rose was gone.

jasper’s gonna have all the same tools - a genuine support network, people who are willing to both empathize and teach a better way, distance from her romanticized superior, and her own desire to get better. 

the latter point, at first, because she’s told to. but as we saw in “little homeschool”, leaving her to her own devices without any “worthwhile” path forward wasn’t ideal. her “want”, much like amethyst said... still deserves to be listened to, even if she still thinks like a homeworld gem. 

but the seriousness of such an effort is, as pearl taking care of steven “for rose” and then “for him” and finally growing to do things “for herself” shows, a good avenue for REAL growth. jasper may soon yet grow for her own sake.

and the results... again, pulling pearl as my example, can be remarkable.

as i’ve said before... i am pretty sad we won’t actually get to see more of that. that’s what “the audience” may have felt they needed from jasper. the same way i’m sure rose would find it bittersweet to know how much pearl has grown without her. the same way you’re sad whenever you don’t see a character you love find love and happiness onscreen, even if it’s implied...

but in a show told from steven’s perspective, i think there is some point to that.

i’ve come around to the following: she couldn’t go with him. any forgiving hugs steven & jasper could’ve given each other at this point would’ve been hollow. that power dynamic would’ve been in the way. what they “need” is not each other. they need people who really, truly understand them, and to figure out what they want in their lives when steven doesn’t have someone to save emotionally (jasper), and jasper doesn’t have someone to sacrifice herself for (steven). 

(...and it’s at this point you realize i made you read ALL OF THAT mainly to justify why pearl and jasper’s relationship is gonna be such a central thing in my post-canon fanfic. lol. anyway here’s the link again.)

[ignitification]

It’s me the Shigaraki survivalist again lol

It’s cool you don’t agree I guess I just want to get my thoughts out

You said it’s unrealistic for Deku to save Shigaraki and them to work together—but the way I see it is that’s exactly what the story has been building up to. In a world where nothing is really “unrealistic” I really truly think it’s very in the realm of where the story is going. Shigaraki does look tired, because he has never been given a break. The thing is, BNHA isn’t a tragedy! (I think Hawks’s arc will be a tragedy but that’s a whole different discussion)

I just cannot see how Deku will be crowned “the greatest hero who ever lived” meanwhile the one person who needed him most is lying there dead. It just doesn’t feel convincing, especially in a shonen story. As far as the story is concerned, Shigaraki is still a child and never had a chance to grow up (it’s a coming of age story for Deku and Shigaraki). And you can’t celebrate being the greatest hero who ever lived while a “child” is dead. And I 100% expect Shigaraki and Touya to be very difficult to save (kinda like Kota from the training camp arc, but Deku saved him didn’t he?)—they’re gonna decline the help at first obviously. They have no reason to trust heroes, which is why I think Deku and Shoto are going to have to prove that they mean it—and they will, because they do.

I just feel like Shigaraki dying completely cancels out Deku’s main goal of “saving everybody”—which has been his thing since the beginning. Shigaraki was, in the eyes of the narrative, All Might’s responsibility to save, and he failed. Not only is Deku going to have to clean up the OFA/AFO mess, he’s gonna have to clean up the mess that All Might could have prevented (I’m not blaming All Might completely but as far as the story is concerned, and All Might is concerned—he definitely bares some responsibility for Tenko’s fate).

It’s as you said we don’t know what Horikoshi is going to do, but a girl can hope lol

I just don’t feel like the story is going to end with the message of “not everybody can be saved”. I just feel that there is so much more hope in this story than people give it credit for! Shonen typically reeks of hope and optimism, and even now BNHA still has that hopeful, optimistic energy, not grimdark realism. I think Horikoshi will pull this off and it’s gonna be awesome. And if you are right and Shigaraki does die, I honestly will consider it a huge waste of a character who could have and should have been saved, just like Touya, who I also think is 100% going to make it out alive.

Hey, Shigaraki Survivalist!

Glad you’re putting you opinion out here. 

Getting onto matters, I would like to maybe clarify my statement: I do not think it is unrealistic for Shigaraki and Deku to work together (I think rather that it would be absolutely fair, and maybe cathartic) and I do agree that is what is likely to happen, sooner or later. 

As for BNHA not being a tragedy, I think that it already is. Look at how Touya, Shigaraki and the same Izuku grew up: discriminated against, bullied, neglected and abused. If this is not a tragedy, I do not know what is. But if by that you meant that the general mood of the story is supposed to be one of instilling hope and instead letting people know that there is always a way one, and that there is still some possibility of saving if there is a will. I fully agree on that. The themes in BNHA are the real tragedy, but you are absolutely right when you say that the message is ‘People make mistakes. But that’s not the end. They can change and correct those mistakes, apologise, amend. Things can change.’ and not ‘Not everyone can be saved’ (even if, here, I would like to argue that Twice’s death message is exactly that but I don’t want to digress).

Also, not going to lie, I really like the positivity I feel from your message. It puts a smile on my face thinking that there is someone out there fully believing that salvation will come because there is someone who wants it to come. It’s a good thing. It’s a thing I, for one, do not have so thank you for doing that, this really brightened my evening. 

Now, onto a more heavy part of the post. I wanted to talk about All Might, and how he did fail, even if not entirely by himself, to save Shigaraki. First of all, I would like to notice the particular panel which tells us that ‘You can save only those you can reach’. 

This panel is telling in more ways than one. All Might specifically addresses Izuku in saying this, while not literally meaning it (or at least not expecting Izuku to understand it so literally). All Might ( and I talked about it here) is a character which sets up the bar high for Hero standards (and is seen as an idol so far gone, that no one could ever possibly reach him) - and that is exactly why Izuku bears this 'lesson' stoically and tries to save everyone ever more than before. Because if All Might could do it, Izuku feels like he should be able as well (while not considering the disproportion in between them, and I mean in experience and just relatively emotionally).

I mean Izuku feels a high burden with OfA, and to deal with AfO, and sometimes he can get very much extreme - but exactly for that, as you said, he would never feel as if he succeeded if he does not manage to save Shigaraki. Because if All Might is capable of brushing this aside, justifying himself by saying that he couldn't have done anything to prevent it and that it is impossible after all to save everyone, Izuku is not. Izuku feel so deeply that he cries for others, he rages for others, he longs for others with a great smile on his face because that is what it's expected of him.

And he likes to fulfil those expectation, whether that kills him, injuries him or anything else (as we saw him being all bandaged up in 299 and with no sign to recover any soon). 

However, this what I mean when I say that Tomura looks tired: 

He fails to understand how him not being saved is not actually a fault of someone (heroes/society, you name it - even if he does realise much later), but his first instinct as a kid is to blame himself and to tell that this, is is his punishment. He deserved it. And he does deserve to a degree what has happened to him since, because he is guilty of something he will never be able to forgive himself for and that is why he is they he is now.

I do think, that Touya, even being more self-destructive than Shigaraki, is an easier subject to save. I am not saying this because I think Dabi’s trauma or problems are easier to solve, but because Shouto understood him (to some extent) and with the sentence ‘I am him? referring to Touya and his intentions he is unwillingly showing us that Touya’s path to redemption (summed with Endeavour’s arc) are all pointing at Touya being saved, no matter how bad the situation gets. He, still scarred and lonely, does have a family out there caring for him. Or at least wanting to get to the bottom of things and not leave him to burn to death, alone. Again.

Shigaraki, on the other hand, does not have such a thing. Kurogiri has been captured, AfO is using him and the only guy who thought of Tomura as a human being, other than a bad villain, is Deku. I do not want say that this is not enough, but with all the burden that Izuku is already carrying at the moment, can he also bear on himself the weight of saving Shigaraki? I really hope he does, but as anyway as it will be, I think that Deku will try. He will try to get that hand reaching out to Tomura and even if skeptical about it, I hope Shigaraki takes the chance and takes it. He does deserve a break. He deserves a blanket, a cup of steaming tea and a hot long nap in a warm bed. A hug is optional. 

One of the themes I never touched upon is also, the found family of the League and Hawks. I really am waiting for more insight into the League’s members feeling for Twice, and maybe holding a funeral. I am also waiting for them to discuss Hawks. 

On which, my last point for this post: Hawks’ story, serves as a parallel to Dabi’s. We see how the abuse can bring to two extremes: one becoming a villain and focusing on hate, and the other focusing on idolising and becoming a hero (and in the meantime trying to forget everything else). I want Hawks to face consequences for his actions, and I want him to understand that he, too, is a victim and that atoning for his father’s crimes is not the way to go. He also needs to break free of the past and let go. I really hope that instead of clinging into past ideals and Endeavour, he realises that there is something highly wrong with the society he is fundamental part of and that he break free. If he doesn’t, as has been already put out there by some amazing posts I read, it will after all end in tragedy. Once a friend told me how Hawks was a tragic hero, and I might disagree but I do think that the name is fitting. But it’s not like that will change things. Only we can - and I hope everyone realises that.

-

p.s. Look at this panel, during the last moments of fight between Shigaraki and Deku.

And after that the realization of Izuku, that Shigaraki, who he does want to save is not only suffering internally, but as well externally, because of AfO and whatever is going on. Exhausted beyong recognition.

Look at Shigaraki's form. He looks like he is right about to collapse. There is a hand stretched out, in help, in resignation, in sadness, in pain. But his other hand is almost clenching, hard, noy wanting to let go. Tomura is after all trying to fight the entity within him, while also trying not to lose himself and look out for everything that might come in its way outside.

And finally, there is someone who looks through the hand on his hand, through the cracks of his identity, through every wall Tomura has put in between himself and others in order to protect them, and himself, from the absolute monster he thinks he is.

And it's, at the same time both ironic and daunting how these same words are also the works Deku speaks to Kacchan while saving him from the Sludge Villains. There is a direct parallel between Katsuki, who had hated Deku while being afraid of being inferior to him and that did not want his helo because he would feel too weak, and Shigaraki, who has no will of getting himself saved by anyone, but especially by the kid that denied him the objective of gaining OfA and defeating everything and the same kid who seems to feel something other than disgust for him. Both Katsuki and Shigaraki are opposites to Izuku.

So, if Izuku saved Kacchan, who in return saved Deku after accepting the fact that he and Izuku, are, after all, hero AND friends who care about each other, it would be nice to see where this is going to go with Tomura. And see if, maybe, just maybe, it is possible for Shigaraki to stop being Shigaraki and be Shimura Tenko instead.

[kookiepredictions]

Message from Jungkook’s Higher Self to his DF

My most precious,

I have been thinking about you again. Well, I say again, but I had never stopped in the first place. Do you think about me too? I think you do. At least I want to believe you do. I feel like that’s all that I have left right now. I feel so lost and confused. I feel like I’m trapped in a maze, but I’m not stuck in one place. I’m moving through this maze. And I’m moving willingly. It’s like there’s something at the end of that maze that is calling out to me and I can’t seem to refuse. I feel like I’m ensnared by that calling and I must keep moving towards it. It feels like I have free will but at the same time, I have absolutely no control over it. I don’t want to stop, but even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stop. So I have just 2 choices: either move towards the end of that maze, or be constantly restless. The only problem is, I don’t have a map to this maze. I’m moving but I don’t know if I’m moving in the right direction. Am I getting any closer or am I getting further away? No one else seems to know either. I look for help from others but when they do, I feel like it’s useless. I have to find my own way. I’m all on my own in this path. The only person I know can help me is you. I know you are the only one who can tell me exactly what is wrong with me and how to right it. So I look for you everywhere and everytime. And then it dawns on me— is this maze leading me to you? Is that why I can’t refuse its calling? Or is there more to it? And why do I think you are the only one who can help me? I’ve known for a while now that I love you. But this feels like a lot more than what I have known the word “love” to mean. Who are you to me and why do I need you so much? Every song, every movie, every person, every place reminds me of you. How are you more present in my life than the actual people present in my life? How do you have more control over my feelings than I have over them? As if it’s not scary enough that I am so addicted to you, I don’t even know if what I’m addicted to is real or an illusion. Are you even a real person? Is our connection even real or is it all in my head? Are you a “Twin Flame”, a “Soulmate”? Have I met you in the “Past?” I don’t understand these terms and the more I learn, the more confused and lost I feel. Are you a “Karmic”? Are you here to punish and torture me for everything that I have done wrong? Tbh, that seems more likely. Half of me expects you to one day say to me, wake up, all that shit is in your head. Or, haha, you really thought I would fall in love with someone like you? However that conversation goes, it always ends up with me heartbroken. Maybe I want you so much because I believe I can never have you. And why would I? What have I ever done to deserve you and a love so perfect? Why would I get so lucky? There are so many other people who deserve this more, then why would I be The One?

Frankly, this is what I’ve always felt about myself. I got all this success and fame at such a young age. And what have I done exactly for this? I have only done what I have been told to do by other people. When there were struggles and problems, the older members and other people stressed out and solved them. I didn’t do much. Yeah, I practice hard and all, but that’s really the least I could do. Failure or success, whatever has come to me, has fallen into my lap due to someone else’s effort. I have never felt like I completely deserve it. People always say, BTS are so humble, Jungkook is so humble. But I have never seen myself as an amazing person or even a nice person. Yet people always seem to believe that about me, so I’m like, alright if that makes them happy. And so I live a dual life every day. I give people what makes them happy, but I never let myself believe what they believe about me. I know who I am. I have indulgences that I am not proud of. If people knew everything about me, they would not love me at all. Not that it mattered to me that much. I had adjusted to this dual life. But now it does. It matters to me what you think about me, how you see me. And it terrifies me because what if you think I am bad person? What if you don’t love me or even like me? My mind says it shouldn’t matter, but my heart says it does. Why does your opinion matter so much?

For as long as I can remember, I have had very high ideals regarding love— and boy I started young! I wished for a perfect love story and went into connections hoping for it but somehow it always eluded me. In my head, it always seemed perfect, but the reality always turned out to be different. I don’t really blame the other person either. I just blame it on my fate, really. At some point, it started looking like I was fated to be in connections that would never fulfil me. Sometimes I tried to adjust and compromise, and sometimes I felt really frustrated and restless for more. I never categorically felt like I wanted something more, but it always felt like there could be more. And yet, how do you look for something you don’t even know exists?

I wished for a perfect love but I did not know what I was signing up for. I always thought if and when I fell in true love, my life would become so much easier. And so when I met you, and I had all these deep feelings for you, I thought, that’s it, now my life will be so much easier and happier. But then things took a drastic turn. You know how it feels when you are taking a trip somewhere and you’re on the bus and everyone later talks about how amazing the journey was, and you realize you missed it because you were asleep throughout that journey and now you wish you weren’t? That’s how it feels right now. I wish I wasn’t so asleep when I met you. I wish I had cherished you more. There’s so much I want to do for you now but I feel like I missed my chance. I feel like I let you down and I can’t forgive myself for that. I replay the past over and over wishing I had acted differently. I pray often and every time, I pray for a second chance with you. But then I think, if I hate myself so much for having hurt you, surely you must hate me more. You always assure me that you love me, but I find it so hard to believe because how could you ever forgive me? How could you ever want me back? And that’s the moment when I feel like I am only being delusional. You are no Twin Flame of mine, you are a punishment served to me by God— a punishment the pain from which I can never recover from. Once again, love has eluded me and I am fated to live the rest of my life in pain and regret, only this time I can clearly see that I have ruined it with my own actions.

But then again, a part of me never wanted to accept this fate. A very, very small voice inside me told me this time it was somehow different. That I still had hope. That I had reason to keep trying. And that is crazy because what reason do I have? I don’t even know if this is real! I have been advised by people to be careful, to not trust you so much. And truthfully, I have tried doing that as well. I have tried forgetting you, not thinking about you. But it’s always like when you’re told not to think about something, and you start thinking about it more. I have tried to reason with myself, used logic. But I always keep drawn back into that maze again. I must find my way through it. I’m afraid something dangerous might be on the other side of it and I don’t want to land in trouble and take those who I love with me, but I can’t stop! What is this self destructive behaviour? When and how did I start trusting you so much? I feel I am at the edge of a cliff ready to take a plunge and I am terrified. What if you are not on the other side of it? What if you deceive me, let go of me, leave me to die? I think of all this and then an even terrifying thought comes up— that I am, indeed, more willing to destroy myself at your call, than to take the chance to lose you. No one should have that kind of power over anyone. I feel like you have me under a spell but it is a spell I am willingly submitting to because it brings me so much peace and joy. I have never known this ecstasy and I am addicted to it. And it’s irreplaceable and unreplicable. You are the only source of it. I know because I have tried finding it elsewhere. From other people, from work, from my ambitions. It’s never the same. You make me so happy! I can spend hours with you and still never get enough of you. I could have you wrapped tight in my arms and still feel like you’re not close enough. You feel so close to me and still so far away. You’re always right within reach and yet I still can’t hold you. It’s frustrating! I don’t want to be stuck in this place forever because it’s torture. I want all of you but I am afraid you’ll not want me. I don’t know which is worse— to be rejected by you or to never try and find out if you wouldn’t. I throw emotional tantrums trying to get you to react and respond because that’s the only way I know how to get your attention because what else can I do? What can I give you that you don’t already have? And this is another aspect of this connection that I am scared of as well. How can I match you? What can I give you? For many years, I have seen myself in a certain way. I know why people like me or love me. I am Jeon Jungkook of BTS. For so long, that was my identity. You came along and shattered that illusion. Suddenly that identity isn’t enough anymore. I feel naked around you. I feel poor. What is my identity, I don’t know anymore. I was comfortable living a life of playing a role for other people to make them accept and love me, but it’s not working on you. And honestly, now that I see it through your eyes, I don’t like it anymore either. Who am I now? I feel like a nobody. What can a nobody give you? What can a nobody give anyone? I hate being here. And yet, there’s a strange sense of liberation in this that I have never felt before. As comfortable as I have been living a dual life so far, it also felt like a burden on my shoulders. I could never truly be myself with anyone. Now I feel like I can, with you. But what if you don’t like who I truly am? I am so scared to look at myself. This is the reason why I throw tantrums to get your attention. It is easier than looking into myself. Because I fear that if I did, I will only see bad things. I will only see myself taking and taking and taking from others and I will see my judgment in there— that I am indeed a very bad person and for that, I am punished to live a life without you. If that is the truth, I don’t want to know the truth. I want to live in this beautiful illusion forever— or so I think, until I am tired of living in the illusion and want the truth. I want to know how you feel about me. I want to know if there is hope for me in this journey or if I am trying in vain. I want to know if I’m on the right track or if I’m going crazy. I am lost, I am lonely even with so many people around me, and I have no map nor a compass. All I’m being shown is the edge of this cliff and being told to take a leap of faith and even the courage that it requires I need you for that.

And then I wonder, am I annoying you with all my neediness? Are you liking me less and less every day because of how lost and incapable I am in this journey? You are so smooth, you have figured everything out and everyday I try to catch up to you but you are progressing at the speed of light and I feel more and more lost. I feel like I am failing us again. But believe me, I am changing. It might be at a slower pace than yours but I have changed so much than who I used to be before I met you. And that is why I feel that there is something special about this connection— it hasn’t just changed me with regards to you, it has changed me in all areas of my life. And I am so proud and grateful for that. But the path ahead seems to be so long still and then I lose hope and hate this journey. Why does it have to be so difficult and complicated? You love me, I love you, then why can’t we just be together? Isn’t that what love is? That’s it, I am crossing my arms and sitting here and pouting until I get what I want. (lol cutie). And then after my tantrums dissipate, I see the meaning of this journey again. I see all that it has done for me, the way it has changed me, and I am grateful and hopeful again. That small voice has actually been getting louder and louder over the days. I think the balance is tipping in favour of hope. Every day I feel a little more hopeful that we are indeed meant to be together. Maybe that’s what this maze is all about. I see light flickering more strongly at the end of it every passing day. I just have to figure my way out. In doing so, I have been learning to grow more and more confident in my own ability. I may have been discovering my own true self, devoid of my past identity created from my ego. I am purging past energies heavily and having multiple tower moments and ego deaths on the way which is where the moments of pain, the anger comes from, but every day, my resistance is weakening and I am, little by little, accepting this journey for what it is, not what I want it to be. I think I am noticing a pattern here— after the pain always comes the feeling of liberation and power. I want to be everything you want and everything you deserve. No matter what it seems like on the surface— it may seem like I am this selfish evil person who only thinks about his own needs, but believe me, I want to return back to you all the happiness and peace that you have given to me, I want to fulfil all your dreams. It may seem like I don’t value you, but you are my most precious treasure, and I want to make sure you know what your worth is to me. I am trying my best to get there. I am navigating my way as best as I can. I hope it is enough for you. I hope you can be patient with me. I hope you never give up on me. Please don’t ever leave me.

[inadequate-nefelibata]

Okay, so I like queer!Johnny and l@wrusso just as much as anyone, but lately I’ve been having some thoughts about the way media and fandom frames violence in men as an indicator of potential queerness. Particulary on the way this can sometimes change how people interpret classic macho behavior, such as misogyny or agressiveness.

Despite the stereotypes that exist about gay men being more feminine, there’s also this narrative in our culture that men who are aggressively masculine, especially if is in a way that’s harmful to others or themselves, are probably acting out because of repressed homosexuality or queerness. This is easy to observe in media: there’s the trope “Armoured closet man”, and Rantasmo mentions some examples in his video “The homophobic hypocrite”. And like he explains, this is  something people sometimes apply to real life situations. For example, I have a friend who is usually pretty chill about engaging in gay behavior with other dudes for the laughs, and one day he was discussing it with a friend and they were like “Yeah, we don’t care. Some people care too much about appearing gay and we know why”. This idea it’s not limited to men: you can also find it in Lily Singh’s video “A Therapy Session For Homophobic People” where the homophobic lady ends up asking her out. Those are the first example’s I could remember, but there are more.

I’m not saying it’s not something that happens. Obviously, being homophobic or being conservative about gender roles does not guarantee that someone’s straight or cis. We were all raised in a homophobic, heteronormative society, after all. I was, at some point, scared of being gay. And I understand where the specific connection comes from: sometimes when you’re guilty or ashamed of something, you lash out more easily. That’s why there’s such a complex relationship between repression in queer men and violence: if you can’t express your desires in a healthy way, that can lead to channeling those feelings into aggression, which is more “socially acceptable”.

So it’s not automatically wrong to make the connection. What’s been bothering me lately is how interpreting homophobic, misogynistic, or just generally violent behaviors as secondary effects of repressed queer desire sometimes suggest that homophobia or misogyny are not enough on their own. Just like my friends said that one time: if you’re a man and you’re homophobic, it has to be for a reason. And that reason is not that you live in an homophobic, misogynistic society that makes you hate queer or feminine people, it has to be something particular about you that makes you more susceptible to those ideas.

The thing is that this is pretty convenient for cishet, conventionally masculine, men. It ends up suggesting is that homophobia, misogyny, aggression or other harmful attitudes have actually nothing to do with hegemonic masculinity. It’s only when men don’t fit into this ideal that these toxic behaviors start leaking out. And it’s not just convenient for them as individiduals, it also absolves our culture; if it’s the result of a particular experience, we don’t need to start thinking too hard about how our gender roles affects us in general.

Which reminds me of a video I saw recently, by Lindsay Ellis. She’s discussing transphobia in film, but there’s this moment when she’s talking about the movie Psycho, and she mentions Ed Gein, the real life version of Norman Bates. Apparently, he was originally presented in the media as a man who had unresolved queer tendencies, which served as an inspiration for the character in the film. But. That was a lie. There was no evidence that this was actually true for Ed Gein. As far as everyone knows, he was a straight cisgender man who killed women. And she brings up this quote, from Richard Titthecott, “Of men and monsters”:

So, the video is specifically about the perceived relationship between serial killers, trans women, and how this relates to transphobia. And I was talkig about seeing agressively masculine men, so I know it’s not exactly the same thing. But I keep thinking about that and about what Rantasmo said on his video. He goes from talking about canonical homophobic queer characters to talking about real life situations. And he mentions how sometimes when a homophobic hate crime takes place, people start speculating about whether or not the killer in question is queer himself, often implying that maybe it wasn’t really an explression of homophobia, but an example of the self-destructive tendencies of gay people. What he concludes is that this idea of the “homophobic hypocrite” is often used to “push the responsibility of homophobia and hate crimes off of heterosexuals and on to the victims”. 

While these examples have to do with particularly strong forms of misogyny and homophobia, it’s not out of the question to consider how this relates minor forms of violence. 

All of this is just about Thoughts. I’m not going to reach any conclusion here, because it’s impossible. Especially when it comes to what is and isn’t a Good or a Bad headcanon or ship. Like I said at the beginning, those ships can be fun and can be interesting for many reasons.  I just want to think about the things that may be influencing my interpretations of a story without my knowledge. If we start to believe that just living in a world where you know that being a straight man gives you certain privileges over women and queer ppl is not enough to be hateful towards them, it becomes harder to hold privileged people accountable. Or to explore how those privileges work and why they are put in place. Obviously, there are many ways to talk about this topic, and people can be more than one thing. A man can be queer and misogynistic for example, both privileged and opressed. I don’t know.

Basically, I’m just going to end this post by saying that the idea that “queer interpretations of mainstream media are a way to expand the narrative and include ourselves in the stories we love, and these interpretations are often mocked or rejected by mainstream writers and audiences that think that labelling something as gay is insulting, so they often go against the current” can coexist with the idea that “interpreting homophobia, misogyny, aggression or other harmful attitudes as indicators of potential queerness can be pretty convenient for straight cis conventionally masculine men, and also the association between queer men and violence and self-destructive tendencies is really prevalent in mainstream media and in our homophobic culture”. ???

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[harostar]

Snk 136, 3 chapters to go

The final countdown begins. I am not ready.

There’s.....a lot to process, and I’m not emotionally ready for the conclusion. I know it is going to make me cry no matter what. Isayama has made considerable mistakes over the years, both in terms of his own ignorance re: History and Politics and choices in metaphors to use. 

But this series, flawed and problematic as it is, still manages to stun me every month.

The central argument remains with the issue of having to deal with Eren. 

To Mikasa, he is family. The boy that saved her, that inspired her to fight for herself, and that wrapped a scarf around her neck when she was cold and alone. The one that gave her a home and a family. But Adult Mikasa has been increasingly forced to confront the ugliness, the violence and hatred inherent to Eren. To peel away the idealized version of events, and see Eren for the murderous, self-righteous person he actually is. Someone that could murder another person in cold blood, while declaring that they weren’t a person. Someone capable of murdering innocent children. Someone capable of slaughtering the entire world. 

She doesn’t want to kill him, even with no other options available. Annie gives her the easy way out, by suggesting that she focus on rescuing Armin. Give her something that she can do, that she won’t feel conflicted about. Save your friend. Let other people do the dirty work.

But everyone else seems to have accepted what has to be done. Eren cannot be allowed to live. To save the world, he has to die. As Reiner once said, he is the worst person in the world to hold that power. He’s using it to commit genocide. 

Even with the world literally fucking ending, some people don’t seem ready to let go of their bigotry. Eldian refugees and Marleyan soldiers end up pointing guns at each other, while the Rumbling is literally on their doorstep. They are all about to die, but some people are not willing to abandon the old way of things. We’re left with a cliffhanger, left to wonder if the people that survived the destruction of Liberio will die at each other’s hands. 

Gabi has come such an incredibly long way. She has in many ways become the Anti-Eren, and it has been a fascinating journey to watch their parallel paths. Gabi started out as basically “Girl Eren from the other side”, a passionate youth indoctrinated into a fantasy of saving/freeing humanity while destroying all the monsters. And like Eren, she watches her home get attacked by a Titan and swears revenge. She rampages and lashes out, she kills Sasha, and she’s captured by the enemy. But then their paths diverge, as Gabi learns the most important lesson. She learns that everyone is the same, she learns of the tragedies suffered by the other side, and she experiences compassion. She is for the first time treated as a CHILD to be protected, as opposed to a disposable soldier. The people she hated, the friends of a woman she killed, embrace her and swear to protect her because she is 12 years old. Because she is a CHILD, and it matters to them that she be protected as they were not. 

She saw the Centipede-thing that is the Founder emerge from Eren, and she realizes this thing is the key. Who knows what will come from that. But either way, it’s....yeah. I like Gabi. I know she’s a huge target of fandom hate and rage, but damn has this kid undergone an incredible journey. 

Which brings us to what I think is this chapter’s MVP:

OUR QUEEN AND BEST GIRL, PIECK. (why the fuck is her name “Finger” like whut?) 

Pieck charging down the spear used to impale her Titan, transforming and then abandoning her Titan as soon as she’s attacked. Discarding Titan bodies and transforming over, and over, and over. She isn’t just a support Unit, she’s a Warrior in and of herself with unlimited stamina. She might not be able to tank damage like some of the others, but no one can compare to her in terms of Stamina. She can literally fight for months in her Titan, and she has no apparent limits on how many times she can transform. As long as her tiny, human body remains intact.....she isn’t going to give up. 

Our girl that started out just funny and quirky, has emerged as such a brilliant and determined force. She’s wise beyond her years, and has such unique strength in terms of figuring out what needs to be done and doing it. 

I fear for her survival in this finale, but man. Pieck is amazing.

Which leads us to our final big thing in the chapter.

Armin, who falls back into the old pattern of raging at himself for being weak and useless. He screams at his own body to move, to do something, to save people. He sees all his past failures.....and then he realizes there’s more going on. He’s not dead, he’s in the Paths. He’s been drawn into the center of this entire battle, finding Zeke as the new Slave that must constantly build the Titans from sand. Doomed to take Ymir’s place, as punishment for trying to use her. 

Which means Armin has been placed into an ideal location for his talents. The Colossal Titan might be a God of Destruction, but Armin’s greatest strength has always been in his ability to deal with other people. To convince. To inspire. To manipulate. To reach.

Again and again, one phrase and idea has come up. The regret of not being able to talk to each other.

Now, Armin has been placed into an ideal location to reach the people in control. To reach Zeke, forming the endless Titan army. To reach Eren and Ymir, who are controlling the Rumbling.

Armin being the narrator of the anime is not an accident. Eren has repeatedly insisted throughout the series that he isn’t the hero, that ARMIN is the hero. That Armin is the bravest of them all, that he is the one with a beautiful dream of the world. Erwin entrusted him to lead during a vital mission, and Levi saw something in him that reminded him of Erwin before the years and losses destroyed his hope. 

Armin will save the world. Not with violence and physical strength. But with the strength of his will, his love for the World, and his clever mind. 

[shijiujun]

Hi! Is it okay to ask you for a small advice? I started reading Thousand Autumns recently (currently on chapters ~85-88) and I'm having a bit of a problem with Yan Wushi's character. I am so turned off by his behavior towards SQ for the whole novel up to this point and I just wonder - is it gonna get better...? I can't stand seeing him openly abusing SQ and treating him like shit, I'm sorry (1)

I know he's evil and it's expected of him to be bad but with future romance prospect I'm really struggling to like the relationship between him and SQ; and if in the first half of the novel I didn't expect big changes, now I keep hoping to see something different from him but I'm not seeing much. He keeps treating SQ horribly. I'm not sure if I can forgive him for what he's done and has no remorse whatsoever - (2)

- abusing SQ and manipulating him, using him as an experiment as if he's a toy to play with; selling him to a r*pist knowing he'll be tortured to death...! And after everything that happend I still barely see anything good in his attitude towards SQ. I can't help but think SQ deserves so much better. I suppose I should try to have some hope for the upcoming chapters to be better? Is it worth it to continue reading or nothing will change? Excuse me for writing so much, Thank you

---

Heya! Oooof okay so you’re totally valid, Yan Wushi isn’t like a character for everyone - so let me break it down with the first part and then the second part where his attitude turns for the better XD

Spoilers under the cut

Before SQ goes to save him:

Yan Wushi does have a goal which is to play mind games with Shen Qiao and (1) throw him into despair (2) try to see if Shen Qiao is a worthy opponent - sure, he’s an asshole with an agenda of his own. YWS doesn’t believe that there is any good in anyone - he thinks Shen Qiao is a hypocrite and that everyone will turn evil given the right circumstances, and so YWS doesn’t trust anyone, or even considers anyone as an equal to him.

He wants to see Shen Qiao become evil basically and does everything he can to direct him towards that but I’d say his actions (with two exceptions) fit his character and the two motives above pretty well and I’m not sure I’d count it as abuse (based on my understanding of abuse, feel free to disagree). I think it’s easy to forget that Shen Qiao is not delusional or naive or ‘innocent’, and he does not paint YWS as some saviour or a friend (at least in the beginning) - he knows who YWS is, knows that he’s insane, not compassionate, totally evil etc. even from the start the moment he realizes that YWS and his disciple lied to him.

1. He lies to Shen Qiao that he’s his shizun, and then sends him to kill someone, but he’s not there to enforce it

2. Throws him out on the streets without his memories, but Shen Qiao is anything but a weak youngling, once again, YWS doesn’t do anything to him

3. YWS turns up at the temple and has Shen Qiao read the scripture - SQ’s not sure what’s going on at first but he more or less figures it out, but also the scripture reading inadvertently helps to heal him (and YWS knows this)

4. YWS flirts with Shen Qiao for a reaction for a while, he’s not genuine of course, but Shen Qiao knows he’s not genuine

5. YWS doesn’t help Shen Qiao out when he’s faced with an opponent while he’s still injured just to see how long Shen Qiao can hold out for - but firstly, Shen Qiao never really expected him to help in the first place, because he has no delusions about the man - and YWS ends up helping anyway, of course not out of the kindness of his heart, but I don’t see why I should hold that against him XD

6. Stands by and watches as Shen Qiao and his shidi Yu Ai have their confrontation - Sure, he’s there to watch the drama, but it’s Shen Qiao who makes the decision to go with him - the lesser of two evils

7. Forces Shen Qiao to fight him while he’s still injured because he wants to see if Shen Qiao’s recovery level has reached a certain point, enough to be an adversary worth dealing with - yes, he’s forcing Shen Qiao to fight when he’s still blind and weak, but throughout the fight you realize that YWS is right - it’s that very battle that basically lets SQ recover his previous abilities by a bit. He’s not hurting SQ for the fun of it (out of sadism or shit) - he purely (or evil-ly) wants to know if SQ is every bit of the skilled warrior he’s heard about 

The exceptions are these: (1) When he plants the demonic seed thing in his heart (2) When he trades SQ to Sang Jing Xing for his sword, knowing full well that SJX has a habit of sexually torturing his prisoners - I feel like YWS was almost warming up to SQ when his habit of distrust and everything kicked in and he reverted back to his cynical self - Not an excuse for what he did though, because yes Shen Qiao especially didn’t want the demonic seed thing firstly (and YWS knows this), and then he despaired at being left to SJX. This is the incident that has SQ basically give up on YWS and allows him to erase any notion of him ever becoming friends with YWS. I’m also rather curious how exactly SQ kind of like got over this - but in the settings of the book, I guess it’s explained away with (1) SQ actually fully recovering as a result of this incident (2) SQ has a big heart, and forgives YWS after - but whether or not that’s convincing, that’s up to every reader.

After SQ goes to save him:

1. So after the SJX incident - where he chose to self-destruct and die, taking SJX along with him but ended up surviving and being able to cultivate properly again from the start (previously he couldn’t because he could only recover to a certain extent as there was some blockage etc., but the blast in this incident clears the blockage) - and after he’s sort of recovered like 50-75%, he hears of an ambush on YWS by the leaders of like 5 other sects, and decides to go forward to save him 

2. Not because he harbours any like delusions on YWS, but to show him that despite all YWS has done to him (especially with SJX), SQ is still SQ, and he still adheres to his own principles, that YWS did not make him change his mind about being good basically

3. YWS’s views of him starts to change because of this - YWS has never found someone with this much grit to stick to his own principles etc., to still be kind and righteous basically despite being betrayed again and again. Of course this does not excuse the fact that YWS did indeed deliberately leave him to a potentially painful death with SJX - and SQ doesn’t forget either. 

4. SQ saves YWS, and then his heart melts because while YWS is recovering from the ambush, he has two other personalities that show up - so YWS when he was much younger, then YWS when he was a teenager, and YWS now. So YWS as a kid and teen are more trusting and open, and SQ likes kid YWS a lot (like as kid brother), and now-YWS wakes up occasionally from the switch in personas, he realizes that SQ likes kid-YWS and starts thinking about why SQ hates him and likes his kid self.

5. Even then, YWS still does try to jump ship once and leave SQ and other evil people behind in a dangerous cave, but thankfully teen/kid-YWS personas fight to turn up in time, and then YWS goes back for SQ

6. SQ knows this - he doesn’t think YWS has had a sudden change of heart or shit, and knows full well that if it was now-YWS, if kid-YWS didn’t turn up, he would probably be left to think about how to leave the cave on his own

7. YWS’s behaviour towards SQ does a 180 - now that he knows he cannot sway SQ, he starts to listen to SQ, and despite all the barbs on the surface, even if he disagrees with SQ’s positive outlook, he makes an effort to contribute and consider SQ’s opinion even if he doesn’t, intrinsically, believe in it. Starts putting himself in front of SQ, and of course SQ doesn’t believe this all the way to the end, where he realizes that he actually, just that tiny little bit, has started liking YWS and doesn’t want him to die.

8. Then they confirm their relationship in the extras, and YWS does do that hot-and-cold thing once so SQ figures out his feelings for him properly - It’s SQ that initiates the confirmation at the end I think

---

I think at some level, YWS cannot stand how naive Shen Qiao is, and some of the things that he’s leading Shen Qiao to think about/discover are valid - And throughout the book it’s proven true - SQ is kind to Chen Jing, but Chen Jing sells him out (not just once but thrice). He’s kind to and has always doted on Yu Ai, but Yu Ai sells him out too. The elders in his sect - some of them obviously turned to Yu Ai over him despite SQ never having given them reason to doubt him. I don’t think YWS is being deliberately cruel (or abusive) - he’s forcing SQ to look at reality, a reality that YWS sees and lives in.

He always asks Shen Qiao why he trusts others so easily, and afterwards, Shen Qiao does admit that YWS is right in this aspect - he won’t give up his ideals and how he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but through YWS, he realizes he needs to be able to think ahead to protect himself and the ppl around him.

Doesn’t excuse the SJX thing YWS did, and I’m sure SQ doesn’t conveniently forget about that either, but in terms of how/why they got together, I guess it’s because despite everything they do know each other best, and are soulmates (tho not only in the sugar-spice-and-everything-nice way i.e. SQ does think YWS is handsome and YWS thinks SQ is the cutest thing ever later). SQ has seen the worst of YWS, and YWS has seen the worst of him - and SQ is made to realize that what he was before was not the best path he could go on because of YWS, but he adjusts his attitude slightly and holds on to his ideals sufficiently. 

On the other hand, YWS still does not believe everyone except his Ah Qiao can truly say they’re good and keep to it in every way, still thinks the worst of a lot of people if not all, but he stops to consider SQ’s POV and input now, whose opinions and every action now mean more to him than anything else ever will. Of course he has to prove himself and earn SQ’s trust back, but I guess he also doesn’t expect SQ to reciprocate, even after he developed feelings for SQ, knowing full well that he’s a mofo and SQ has every right to hate him after all he did.

They don’t fix each other, they’re not each other’s salvations, but they fit and come sort of to a truce, despite having differing views and principles.

Manipulation? Sure, but I think we forget that Shen Qiao is not a victim (except the part where he’s given to SJX) and his agency in every situation is apparent - He’s pretty clear-minded, he knows what Yan Wushi is doing, knows what his character is like, knows that he’s doing/saying things all to get a reaction out of him. He doesn’t expect YWS to help him either, because he knows YWS is here for fun and games. He doesn’t go along with YWS just because, either. He just made a wrong call by trusting that YWS reciprocated his feelings of friendship (not that it’s his fault at all), but that is certainly a moment of weakness he probably regrets.

---

In summary, I personally wasn’t all that put off by YWS’s behaviour, altho I agree the SJX incident is pretty much unforgivable. For me I read this more from the SQ perspective, because his strength shines in every moment and interaction with YWS and overshadows YWS by a lot, which is why the end makes sense to me.

In response to your question - yes YWS does get better when he’s finally totally convinced that SQ is not a hypocrite (although yeah it takes him a while to get there). And for me it’s nice to see Shen Qiao figure out himself, and also his feelings for YWS after, but also never once compromising himself for YWS.

But YWS is definitely less palatable than most other characters in danmei, so it’s natural if you dislike him and remain unconvinced! It happens XD If you hate this, I suggest you try Wu Shuang! Set in the same universe and timeline, and actually doesn’t have much angst - full on bantering between the main CP, constant veiled insults etc.

[hydra-collector]

Jam

AO3

Ship: Loceit

Characters: Logan Sanders, Janus Sanders, Roman and Virgil briefly mentioned

TW: self-harm, eating disorders (sort of), food, overworking, body negativity

Words: 1773

Summary: Jam is a bit of a comfort to Logan, no matter how stupid it feels. And God, does he need comfort.

Note: College AU

~~

Logan stared into the blue light of his computer, eyes heavy and head aching. The bright LED of the kitchen wasn’t helping, but he forced himself to stay due to Janus sleeping soundly in their bedroom. If his boyfriend knew he was up this late, he would surely force him back into bed, Logan’s work left unfinished.

He was trying. He really was. But he’d barely made any progress after… how many hours has it been?

He glanced to the clock on the bottom right of his computer. Three.

Logan sighed, resting his head on the table instead, stomach growling. He often spent nights like this, hungry and tired, refusing to eat under the guise of not wanting to go to sleep while digesting. That excuse barely held anymore, though, due to the fact that he kept his dinners lighter than breakfasts, and was often up for, well, three or more hours later each night. So he grew hungry quick, and he used to opt for the easy option of jam and bread. But he couldn’t be gorging himself in the middle of the night like that anymore, or really any time of day.

Come to think of it, he hadn’t had a jar of Crofter’s in a long while.

That was fine. It was unnecessary, and more expensive than other brands. Plus, jam wasn’t really the best filler for the fruit in his diet. And he wasn’t keeping up with healthy eating habits much anymore anyway.

It was fine. He needed to lose weight after all.

He squeezed his eyes shut at the twinge of guilt bubbling up in his chest. He would give anything for Janus’s help, but the thought of telling his boyfriend that he’s worried about something that isn’t even that serious terrified him. It wasn’t difficult to eat, he just did less of it. He needed to, that wasn’t unhealthy.

It was fine.

He sighed again, headache finally starting to recede as his eyes were shut tight on his arms. He knew this wasn’t healthy. He tracked every action he took, and he knew he wasn’t healthy, physically or emotionally. He knew exactly which advice to give to someone going through the exact same things, performing the exact same self-destructive tendencies.

So why couldn’t he apply that knowledge to himself?

Even right now he was writing a paper on psychology, you’d think he knew enough not to live his life like he was a depressed preteen.

Nothing was ever good enough for his own standards. Not his work, not his body, and not Crofter’s.

Why the hell did he care so much about a jelly brand?

He groaned, kicking his legs and pounding the table like a six year old throwing a tantrum. He lifted his head up to lean back in the chair, suddenly reminded why he buried it in his arms in the first place.

“Lo?”

He jumped at the sound, shutting his computer screen, more due to impulse than to rational thought. Janus would have already realized what he was doing, there was nothing to avoid it.

His boyfriend ambled in his direction, pale nightgown swishing around his ankles.

“It’s one in the morning, love.”

Janus pulled up a chair beside him, the sound cutting through the peaceful quiet of the night. Logan couldn’t help but tense at the arm snaking around his back, Janus’s forearm pressing against his belly fat. Soon, though, he relaxed into the touch, letting his eyes close for another moment.

“How often have you been doing this?”

“...Not too often.”

Janus nuzzled his head into Logan’s hair. “I know you’re lying. You wake up late and exhausted every morning.”

Logan sighed, nodding slightly. There was no point in trying to further his lie, he hated himself enough as it is, he didn’t need Janus hating him too.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Logan pulled his head off of Janus’s shoulder, slumping down in the chair to look up at him with tired eyes.

“What?”

Janus threaded his fingers through Logan’s hair, looking down with a soft, worried expression. “How your daily routines are borderlining on self-harm.”

Logan nearly felt himself choke at the term. It was everything he’d tried to avoid, everything he tried to convince himself he was not.

“I’m not- I don’t-”

Janus sighed. “You eat half your meals, you pinch or punch yourself when you get frustrated, and you refuse every offer to socialize you’re given while you isolate yourself with your work, all while beating yourself up over it.”

“Janus, I have to get my work done. I don’t have time to ‘hang out’ with people, that’s why I’m up at one in the morning trying to finish this. Imagine how it would be if I had wasted two hours of that with Roman or Virgil? And I don’t intentionally punch myself, I just need something to vent my frustration onto, and since everyone else gets frustrated if I slam a door or mutilate some random object, I don’t have many options but myself. I always regret it afterwards, it’s not like I want to keep doing it. And I realized I’m not at the ideal weight, so I cut down on some of the unhealthy things-”

“It’s not just the unhealthy things, Lo, you know that too. You’ve done your research on weight statistics and how societal norms set an unattainable goal, you don’t need to do this. You don’t even eat Crofter’s anymore.”

“I don’t need Crofter’s. It’s stupid, it’s just a jam.”

“It might be just a jam, but it’s still important to you. I know how you’ve eaten that stuff during the best and worst times of your life, how attached you are to it. It’s your comfort. And it’s okay to have little comforts. It’s okay to have ‘stupid’ comforts. It’s okay to feel bad about them. Things don’t need a reason for making you happy. You’re pushing out everything else that makes you happy right now, why not let yourself have one thing?”

Logan looked up at Janus. “Happiness is the most distracting thing. I don’t need it now, not when I have so much to do.”

Janus laughed, the sound breaking the quiet.

“I think that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. We’re going to CVS.”

Janus grabbed him by the wrist, putting on a coat and shoes as they stumbled out the door. He remembered his wallet and keys, stuffing them in his coat pocket.

“Wait- Janus, I can’t-”

He didn’t have much of a choice as he was dragged out into the cool night- morning air. Janus pulled him into the car, turning the key quick and driving off into the dark.

“So why are we going to CVS in our pajamas?”

“To get you Crofter’s.”

“Janus, can’t that wait until tomorrow-”

“You won’t come tomorrow. I have to bring you when you’re tired and helpless, so you won’t resist.”

“So you’re kidnapping me?”

“I wouldn’t phrase it like that…”

Despite the irritation caused by his boyfriend, Logan smiled. It was rare that he believed, or really even let himself hope, that he was loved. And now that Janus had decided to throw all plans of sleeping out the figurative window just to get him something he liked… it was a bit easier to consider.

He was reminded of his hunger as his stomach growled in pain, not just hungry but deprived of food for the previous day as well. He looked out the window, streetlights passing by as they drove.

“We’re here.”

“Hm?”

Logan opened his eyes, not knowing when he’d closed them. He was scrunched up against the door in an unadvised position. He might as well have not been wearing a seatbelt at all, based on the way he was sitting.

He was snapped back to reality when Janus brushed his hand.

“You’re very cute, love, but you do have to get out of the car.”

Logan did so, suddenly wishing that he’d worn more than his pajamas as his skin met cold air, as well as realizing that anyone out could see him in such unprofessional clothes. He seemed to have forgotten in his sleep deprived state. Hopefully the cashier wouldn’t remember them from this outing.

Janus laced their fingers together, pulling him closer as they approached the 24-hour store.

The inside was warmer than the shockingly cool air of the night. The lights inside were tinted blue, reminiscent of his bright computer screen. Janus led him through the aisles, finding the jam fairly quickly.

“Take your pick.”

They didn’t have too many flavors here; they were lucky that they sold the brand at all. Logan sighed.

“This feels stupid.”

“There’s nothing stupid about it. Now come on, just choose a jar.”

He sighed again, but with a smile this time, picking up a jar of blackberry. Janus didn’t let go of his hand the entire time as they paid, Logan leaning into Janus’s touch as they left.

They arrived home soon, the exhaustion finally setting in Logan’s body. Janus held him by the waist, guiding him inside to sit back down at the table. He took Logan’s computer away, likely to their room, before returning. Logan sat there, head on his arms, just staring at the jar.

“Do you want toast?” Janus asked, hanging his coat back up before returning to Logan.

Logan kept staring. “No. Just a spoon.”

Janus got him one, handing it across the table as he sat down. Logan opened it, beginning to hungrily shovel the jam into his mouth. Janus just sat there, waiting for him to finish.

He paused halfway through, slumping back and setting his jam down, spoon still sitting in it.

“This is stupid. I’m a grown man sitting in the kitchen at two in the morning with my boyfriend eating an entire jar of jam because I’m insecure.”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

Logan looked back down at his jam. “I guess not. It just feels stupid.”

“Like I said, it’s your comfort. It’s not stupid to have comforts, plus you’re a fan of consistency. Crofter’s is something that you keep consistent. Now eat your jam.”

Logan smiled softly, leaning back down to finish his jar. He did so messily, not bothering to stand up and get a napkin when he was finished. Janus stood to get it himself, tilting Logan’s head up to dab at the sweet substance. He then placed a quick kiss on Logan’s lips, tugging him up by the collar of his pajamas. He stood, leaning against his boyfriend as they made their way to bed.

[fluffnstuffjojos]

Fluffnstuffjojos Masterlist

Started: 05.27.20 Last Updated: 5.29.20 Total Number of Works: 314 

**Notes: If you are sending requests, please make sure to read the rules first. There are characters within the masterlist for which I do not currently write for.

**ITALICS LINKS ARE NSFW OR BORDERLINE** 

Jojo Combo Posts (All Jojos or Multiple Jojos):

**Note these fluctuate between being everyone and only the ones I currently write for based on the date they were written! A mess! I may reorganize some day, but for now, feel free to browse! Mix of headcanons/scenarios 

Longest morning routines 

Thoughts on horror movies

Disney Princes/Princesses

Peppering Josuke/Giorno with Morning Kissies

Facetime Headcanons

Getting Postcards from Traveling s/o

Rainy Day Headcanons

Social Media Headcanons

Modern College Headcanons

Dancing to Smashing Pumpkins (Suggestive NSFW)

Incorporating s/o into Workout Routine 

Josuke and Joots s/o with a stand that manifests while they’re asleep

Falling for a drifter

Jotaro/Josuke/Johnny Reacting to Affectionate s/o

S/o with chronic Nosebleeds

Duckling Imprinting

Joseph/Giorno/Jolyne Insecure s/o

Autistic s/o who hates loud noises/crowds 

Jonathan/Joseph/Jotaro/Josuke Flexing to Impress s/o 

Reacting to a cheating s/o

Butt squeezes

S/o has no sense of direction

Male s/o in a wheelchair 

Talented Baker teaches Jojos how to bake

Reacting to s/o placing a flower crown on their head

Missing and/or trapped s/o

Reacting to s/o getting a grill 

Playing with s/o’s hair as they fall asleep

S/o appreciating Jojo’s bodies 

S/o doing their makeup 

Types of Youtube Channels

S/o decking a trash-talker 

Rescuing s/o who is the “damsel in distress” type 

Reacting to s/o biting them 

Distracting s/o before hitting someone (Gappy style) 

Jotaro/Josuke reacting to s/o blacking out/hitting their head 

S/o who wears crop tops

Wearing Jojo’s clothes and mocking them/posing playfully 

S/o dies, but they are unable to find their body

Crushing on the same gender

How they feel about s/o calling them “Jojo” 

Cop Josuke hunts Mafia Giorno

3-8 comforting s/o with their stand

Jojo Hugs 

Playing dead to prank/scare s/o 

Vines/fave videos  

Indulging in fashion with s/o 

Great-Grandpa Jonathan with kid Josuke 

Contortionist s/o 

Jotaro/Gappy/Josuke s/o kidnapped by enemy stand user 

Fave memes

Serenading their  s/o 

S/o dying without them being able to say goodbye 

catching s/o after they fall 

S/o makes homemade Valentine’s Day chocolate 

Spoiling s/o on Valentine’s Day 

Self-conscious, chubby trans man s/o

Absent Father Comfort 

Giorno/Josuke/Jolyne insomniac s/o 

Taking care of s/o on their period 

Helping trans s/o into their binder

Jotaro/Josuke - s/o dresses like a sukeban/female delinquent  

Boys finding out the girl they’re flirting with is into girls  

Jotaro/Johnny/Gappy s/o steals their hat 

Playfighting with s/o

S/o playing with their hair 

S/o with mental illness(es) 

Squeezing Jojo bobbies (the original is linked here too!) 

Onesies (original is linked as well!) 

Androgynous GF 

Jonathan raising Joseph 

Jotaro/Johnny mute s/o

Joseph Raising Josuke 

1-4 + Johnny strong/small s/o 

Jonathan/Jotaro/Johnny s/o with anger issues 

Danger-seeking s/o 

Clothes stealing s/o 

S/o has a destructive/intimidating stand 

Getting s/o in the mood (nsfw-ish) 

Assorted Character Combos Grab Bag 

Johnny/Diego/Gappy Confessions Headcanons

Jotaro/Jonathan/Polnareff Painful Period Comfort Scenarios

Jotaro/Kakyoin/Polnareff/Josuke s/o talking in their sleep

Kakyoin/Polnareff/Rohan/Gyro S/o with narcolepsy 

Josuke/Jolyne/Rohan coaxing depressed s/o out of bed

Jotaro/Gyro/Rohan cheering up sad s/o 

Josuke/Giorno/Polnareff 20 Nugget Challenge

Jotaro/Polnareff/Josuke/Okuyasu Slow Dancing with s/o

Jotaro/Polnareff/Josuke/Okuyasu crush suffering from Hanahaki disease

Johnny/Gyro/Jotaro with a s/o who is a saddle bronc rider 

Jonathan/Caesar cuddles/fluff

Caesar and Gappy s/o fears rejection when requesting affection

Jotaro/Josuke - s/o telling him they’re pregnant 

Jonathan/Kakyoin - s/o hates their body 

Female friend asks Josuke/Polnareff for advice on flirting with women

Dio and Jolyne trans s/o 

Jotaro, Polnareff, Josuke, Okuyasu saving s/o from an enemy stand

Jotaro/Joseph/Dio with beautiful s/o 

Jonathan/Josuke/Kakyoin comforting lonely/stressed out s/o 

Okuyaus/Polnareff/Caesar/Jotaro Powderpuff GF 

Jonathan/Dio/Johnny/Gyro first “I love you” from s/o 

Jotaro/Kakyoin/Josuke/Okuyasu motivating s/o to work 

Jonathan/Part 4 Squad being protective

Caesar/Okuyasu/Josuke/Dio Taking s/o shopping 

Jobros Mario kart 

Jonathan/Josuke/Okuyasu/Kakyoin Comfort

Caesar/Polnareff/Josuke/Okuyasu winning the lottery

Jonathan/Josuke/Okuyasu/Polnareff musical roles 

Jotaro/Josuke/Okuyasu kickboxing s/o 

Jonathan holiday headcanons & Okuyasu sex headcanons

Jotaro/Kakyoin/Josuke/Okuyasu Sports/clubs 

Jotaro/Kakyoin/Josuke/Okuyasu with s/o who just applied for college 

“You’re safe now, I’ve got you” Polnareff/Jonathan

“Hey! I was going to eat that!” Joseph/Okuyasu

Cakes for Jonathan/Josuke/Okuyasu/Gyro

Part 1: 

Dio trying to steal/win s/o from Jonathan

Jonathan Joestar

Headcanons: 

Starting a relationship with someone outside of the aristocracy 

Modern headcanons! 

Father and Husband Headcanons

Descendants 

Ghost Jonathan watching over loved one 

Date at the Opera

Scenarios:

Forever and Always (Jonathan contracts Vampirism and s/o vows to stay with him)

Valentine’s Day  

My Immortal  (immortal Jonathan finds his soulmate) 

Happy Honeymoon

Dio Brando:

Headcanons:

Using Rich BOI™ tactics to woo shy s/o 

“Pillarman” s/o who loves being superior/intimidating to him 

Scenarios:

Rather Harshly (Post-snapping at s/o comfort)

Impeccable Tastes (Dio has to feed from s/o) 

A Sense of Belonging (Jealous/Possessive Dio)

Part 2: 

Joseph/Caesar with a fellow Hamon user who is laidback and silly 

Poly Caesar/Joseph swing dancing with s/o

Joseph Joestar:

Headcanons:

Reacting to Holly’s Wedding 

Raising Holly 

Scenarios:

Fierce Protector (Protecting s/o from a BUG) 

Indifferent (Chasing a girl who isn’t Interested)

Caesar Zeppeli:

Scenarios:

“What’s wrong, darling?”  (comforts s/o with depressive episodes (feat. my bad art))

Direct Instruction (S/o teaching him how to play violin)

Part 3: 

Dio and Jotaro Fluff 

Polnareff/Kakyoin Comforting stressed s/o

Poly Jotaro/Kakyoin Comatose S/o post Dio Nonsense™ 

Poly Jotakak Valentine’s Day

Jotaro Kujo: 

Headcanons:

Comforting Anxious/Stresses s/o

Cheating on his s/o (ANGST)

BFF Headcanons

S/o who gets upset when he raises his voice 

Joots being CUTE 

Crushing on a himedere girl 

Tranquil/gentle s/o 

NSFW Joots (Obvi NSFW) 

Mothering s/o taking care of Part 4 squad = Jealous Joots 

small gf 

Jewelry headcanons

Singing in the shower

Pastel s/o

Scenarios:

Forgiveness (Post-Argument Fluff)

Toxic Behavior (Crush is Leery of how Joots treats Women)

Tidepool Gatherings  (Meeting a Mermaid)

Maritime Fun (Boat trip with s/o)

Just Breathe (s/o teaches Joot how to use hamon)

Joots Jr.  (Super smart s/o makes a robot)

The Shape of Water (Joots meets a fishy person) 

Homemade (Homemade birthday cake & kissy) 

Introductions (Jotaro introducing s/o to Part 4 squad) 

Cop a Feel (Accidentally grabs a boobie while helping)

No Place like Home (Takes stand user s/o home after they’re injured) 

Past Scars (Self-Harm Scars Fluff)

“You look so cute when you pout like that”

A Joestar to Die for  (Zeppeli descendant gives their life for Joots)

A Joestar to Die for Aftermath  (Joots loses his cool)

Kakyoin Noriaki:

Headcanons:

s/o appreciating him 

cute relationship headcanons (plus my cursed art)

Fluff headcanons

Scenarios:

Firsts (Male s/o First Kiss)

Spelling Trouble (Honors student Kak falls for delinquent school girl)

Spoiled Rotten Spoiling s/o on Valentine’s Day 

Need a... Dad? s/o is a single mother 

Jean Pierre Polnareff:

Headcanons:

Part 3 and 5 Fluff 

Himedere GF with a hidden vulnerable/lonely side 

Giving s/o a tour of Paris

Part 4: 

Oku seeing Josuke without his hair up for the first time 

Josuke and Okuyasu New Year’s Kisses 

WHOMST is Josuke/Okuyasu checking out with binoculars in the header???

Josuke and Okuyasu antics 

Poly Josuyasu taking care of sick s/o

Josuke/Okuyasu with a s/o who always steals their clothes 

Part 4 Squad with a non-verbal/reserved crush

Part 4 Squad Music Tastes & Bonus oldie but goodie 

Vacations with the boys! 

Boys in a band! 

Famous boys 

Josuke/Okuyasu being Hayato’s big bros 

Boys as firemen

Secret Santa 

Josuke/Okuyasu future careers/relationships/families

Josuke/Okuyasu sharing a crush who likes them both 

Josuke/Okuyasu sharing a crush poly relationship (cont. from original) 

Josuke and Rohan Comforting s/o during a rough time

Part 4 Crew Ideal S/o

Poly Josuyasu and s/o with Mario Party 

Poly Josuyasu with severely injured s/o

Josuke/Josuke’s gf/Okuyasu as a Ron, Hermoine, and Harry trio

Josuke Higashikata:

Headcanons:

Werewolf Josuke and Female s/o

Male Crush

Childhood Friend Mutual Pining

Soulmate AU 

Protecting s/o from catcaller(s) 

Helping/keeping s/o company while their mom is in the hospital

Mutual pining shy crush 

Rural s/o is baffled by Morioh 

Twin Sister

Scenarios:

Waiting Up (Josuke has a late night and you wait on him) 

Hiding a Part of You  (Discovering s/o has a secret stand)

Sting of Betrayal (Forgiving s/o for Betrayal)

“For your eyes only..” (Josuke gets a text (NSFW-ish)

Star Crush Mario Party Confessions with Crush 

Tentative (Hesitant to makeout and ruin the romance)

Missing Something (Comforting s/o grieving a sibling)

Make it all Better (Bad day comfort)

Got Moves (Dancing with a boi)

Mornings Like These (Josuke Fluff)

Taste of your own Medicine (s/o mimics his pomp with their own hair)

Deeper Pain (Can’t protect s/o from grief)

Sound of your Voice (Reading to s/o)

Soft Boy (S/o teasing “delinquent” Josuke for being a big ol’ softie)

"Breathe with me” (Anxiety comfort)

Romance Kinda Guy (First Valentine’s Day date) 

“I had a nightmare” 

Batter Up! (Softball/baseball gf)

Dog Hair (Corgi antics)

Little Helper (Tries to win his ex-wife back with their kid’s help)  

Bloodlines (Crush is Caesar’s grandchild)

Christmas Tree Murder (Josuke knocks over the tree) 

Sunshine (Helping s/o fall asleep after a bad day)

Disinterested (Falling for someone who isn’t interested back) 

Single Father (s/o dies and Josuke raises their daughter) 

Feline Overlord (Cat Hates Josuke) 

“I’m not jealous” 

“You can’t keep doing this.”

“This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done” 

PS2 Squared (s/o and Josuke have similar gift ideas) 

Okuyasu Nijimura:

Headcanons:

Foreign s/o 

Wedding/Honeymoon 

Proposal Headcanons

Sweet/shy s/o 

Clingy Oku 

Driving, hugging, anger headcanons

Scenarios:

Getting a Kitten

Fluffy Morning Lovin’ (NSFW AS HECK) 

“Yell, Scream, Cry” (Angst Prompt)

Baked Goods (Baking with the GF) 

Long-Distance (s/o Flies to Morioh to meet for the first time)

“You aren’t dumb, Oku,” (Comfort/fluff)

Fixer Upper (S/o and Oku fix up his house)

Love Letters (Flustered Oku gives male crush a love letter)

Valentine’s Day Korean BBQ 

Meeting the Fam (Bringing home s/o for the first time)

“You’re not falling behind,” 

Entrapment (Rescuing kidnapped s/o) 

“Come ‘ere” (Using his stand with GF (light suggestive nsfw))

Care (Taking care of hurt s/o)

Scatterbrained (So excited he forgets to respond to a confession)

Spirited (Ghost girlfriend )

“You can’t die”/”I’m not losing you again”/”Hold me back!” 

“I may be an idiot, but I’m your idiot” 

Stray Cat Adventures 

Loss (Oku is Missing Keicho)

Rohan Kishibe:

Headcanons:

Flexible/athletic s/o 

Daddy Kink (NSFW) 

Blind s/o

Pianist s/o

Scenarios:

Unique (Comforting s/o insecure over their “cutesy” art)

First Valentine’s Day 

Transgressions (Getting a cat without his permission)

Valued (Receiving expensive gifts)

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion” 

Part 5: 

Giorno Giovanna:

Headcanons:

Reacting to a member of La Squadra defecting to join them 

Finding a former classmate is a member when he joins the gang 

Don Gio romancing an American Tourist

Raising Kids 

Scenarios:

Surprises (Finding out s/o is pregnant) 

Hanging On (Has twins, but one is in critical condition) 

Young Love (Falling for a younger Passione member) 

Part 6: 

Jolyne Kujo:

Scenarios:

“You look tired” 

Part 7: 

Drunk Johnny and Gyro Headcanons 

Johnny and Gyro on s/o’s birthday 

Gyro/Johnny Christmas/Holidays

Poly Johnny/Gyro/Diego convince s/o horses aren’t scary

Johnny and Diego trans boy Crush

Johnny Joestar:

Headcanons:

Valentine’s Day 

Kissing Headcanons

Scenarios:

Fall for You (Falling for female friend)

Left Behind (S/o leaving him for someone else) 

Jealous Type (Jealous over guys hitting on s/o)

Quality Time  (Fluffyness) 

“I could kiss you right now” 

Gyro Zeppeli:

Headcanons:

Fluff headcanons

Small/strong s/o 

S/o with chronic pain and in a wheelchair 

Scenarios:

Fatherhood (Finding out he’s going to be a dad)

Twists of Fate (Crushing on foreign executioner who hates him!)

Lady and the Tramp (Spaghetti Kiss)

Bundle of Nerves  (Nervous proposal)

Chance Encounter (Pretty Lady at the Bar)

Diego Brando:

Headcanons:

Petting and Feeding him ROCKS 

Show-rider crush

Having his boobies squeezed 

Scenarios:

Sharing is Caring (Sharing a bed with his crush)

It’s a Date (Dinner Date)

Thoughts of the Future (Dinner Date Proposal!!)

Part 8:

Poly Yasuho/Gappy

Gappy (Josuke) Higashikata:

Headcanons:

Falling for Female Crush

Soft spot headcanons

Scenarios:

Fatherhood (Finding out he’s going to be a dad)