#which is why i didnt want this room bc i fucking knew lol but ig my dad likes to see me scared & upset LOLLL.

[tohrus]

might actually cry bro i hate living in a basement 😭😭😭

[undercoverangell]

thinking about pok lives and goes on spring break au heres everything in my brain atm

Pok gets enough money working for the government to get a new house so they no longer live in an apartment and instead are in like a nice lil 2 bedroom 2 bathroom house and the bad kids come over freshman year bc riz is like "oh my dad should know something about these palimpsets i feel like he'd know about them" and he's not of much use but like. to give yall some perspective on how i imagine pok in this au he's like this goblin w huge scars covering him who is like?? kinda athletic?? and he is also still a spy and still goes on missions so when they first meet him hes in this fairly nice house in like a button up and cardigan w plaid pants and has his hair like tied back (bc i think he would grow it out) in a low ponytail drinking coffee. and they've never met Riz's dad but suddenly just everything about Riz makes sense this guy is his fucking dad?? and he works for the government as an accountant?? dude this guy is cool as hell wtf.

He's just very eloquently spoken and seems to know a lot about things accountants shouldn't care about (why did riz send us to his accountant dad to look at a palimpsest why would his dad know anything about this?) and so thus begins the convincing riz who knows what his dad does that his dad is in the mafia.

also doesnt help that they do have a thing in the gukgak household about bringing new people directly to the house bc obviously pok does have a bunch of like secret rooms and drawers in the home and so the very first thing he says around them is "Kid you know how i feel about strangers in the home" and riz just goes "yeah yeah sorry i know we can meet at Basrar's or something next time-" "okay well im assuming its an emergency or something important if you brought 5 people over that i've never even met so what's up?" and its immediately weird bc... wtf.. hi ig??

"dude like why is he so like ..... that. like?? dude hes not an accountant i know that at least." "guys my dad is just some dude who works in accounting hes not a member of the mafia" "the ball im so sorry your dad has been lying to you he is a member of the mafia. does your mom know?" "i dont know?? probably??" "poor woman..." "oh my god"

theyre all so confused as to why he is so casual not knowing that like since he was 13 riz has known his dad is a spy and does missions and stuff and everytime they see pok literally just getting a coffee they confront him immediately even if riz is there

"so mr.ball....whats in that coffee???"

"vanilla. some cream and milk."

"theres no mafia secrets????"

"no. i got it with two shots of espresso."

"....weird....."

"if you want me to buy you a coffee you can just ask like a normal person."

"i dont need your MAFIA COFFEE....."

"okay, the coffee here is really good though."

".....maybe i would like just a small coffee with two shots of vanilla."

**hands them 10 bucks** "go ahead."

obv pok cant just tell his sons friends he barely knows that hes a spy so he just continually insists that he "works for the department of foreign affairs as an accountant. i work in accounting kids. thats it." and they all get it HORRIBLY WRONG and are like "oh yeah kalvaxis rlly wanted to eat an accountant JUST SAY UR A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA AND GO KINDA SUSPICIOUS THATS UR WIFES A COP ARE U TRYING TO MANAGE THE POWER SYSTEM SO U CAN GET AWAY W UR CRIMES???" and he just straight up "....YEAH IM A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA! YEAH U GOT IT RIGHT. IM A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA." and riz finds it fucking hilarious bc as hes busting out laughing his dad is going "riz the mafia is serious business u know this idk why ur laughing about it : (" and the bad kids think theyve cracked the case!! theyve done it!! (they have not!)

pok and garthy know eachother very well bc pok has been sent on numerous missions to Leviathan and so there's like little hints as to what pok does "oh you're still working for the department of foreign affairs! you been moved out of accounting yet?" and the bad kids are like "garthy he works for the mafia. sorry we had to break it to you...." and garthy who knows for a fact pok is not in the mafia just goes "....oh?? the mafia?? that's new! i cant imagine the wife likes that very much!"

Pok and Riz have a little moment in Leviathan where they just sit and talk and Pok assures Riz that he's cool and his friends like him and that he wouldve kill to be as cool as riz is when he was his age. Riz falls asleep on Pok and his dad is just glad hes getting some rest. he also sees the tattoos and goes "if your mom asks you got those when i was asleep and i didnt know."

He absolutely hates fallinel but hes been there on so many missions he is just used to high elves and their bs. "Ah.... Pook GikGuk..." "Mhmm. you got it right buddy." While there he just constantly looks so done with just about everything bc he has seen this place so many times there is like no "ooo new place!" value in it is literally just "yep. high elves and their high elven shit." he tells riz if he ever becomes a spy (which he definitely would btw i will die on the secret agent riz hill) to just. get used to this bc he is going to have to deal with this a lot.

In the nightmare forest he finally is like "guys im not apart of the mafia im a spy. i dont work in accounting lol u think my wife would marry some fucking accountant when shes as cool as she is??" and they're like "???? but... u admitted... u were in the mafia.. why would u lie..." "im a spy i literally lie for a living also i barely knew you guys except when you would come over to our house sometimes and stare at me suspiciously while I scrolled through twitter on my laptop" "MAYBE U WERE LOOKING AT UR MAFIA MEMBERS TWITTER" "WHY ON EARTH WOULD MAFIA MEMBERS HAVE TWITTER" "I DONT KNOW?? THEY WANNA LOOK AT MEMES!"

everything for this au is under the "pok lives au" tag bc i have. so many ideas. i am more than willing to take drawing ideas for this please ask me about this au (srs)

[ushijimasgirlfriend]

so this is my first ever writing any of these so im sorry if its bad.

contains: angst, smut, heavy degradation, rough sex, slapping, kinda really mean ): this also contains usive of drugs, toxic relationship LIKE CRAZY.

this includes only ushijima sorry.

so you come home high off pills because you have been so depressed and had a bad day. ushijima knows about your fight with drugs and he hates it. not because hes a goody two shoes it’s because he cares for you, a lot.

so when you come home high off pills you dont even try to hide it you just try and avoid him but he was waiting for you because he was made dinner for you. he heard you come in and welcomed you but he never heard you say anything back.

he goes looking for you around the house and he finds u laying on the floor of the living room, he already knows.

his first thought is to yell at you, so he does. he says what the fuck are you doing. you struggle to look at him because you dont know where he is. you looking around and see him with a dissapointed face, which took you back in junior year when your father first found you off drugs. you get scared at the face he makes and instantly apologize.

hes so mad. you say im sorry am i annoying you, ill go to the other room. he instantly snaps, what the fuck y/n! you dont even look like yourself. get the fuck up off the floor. you say you’re making me nervous stop ushijima. he says no and pulls you up aggressively by the wrist and dragging you to the bathroom. you scream and yell ow to-toshi! stop that youre hurting me. he doesnt answer but he slams you against the wall and throws you on the floor yelling in your face so now you’re coming home high off drugs again?! i thought you stopped that. you laugh in his face not able to control yourself saying sorry i didnt mean to just today okay? ushijima just stares at you in disgust. thats bullshit he then continues to drag you to the bathroom.

once you get to the bathroom he forces you too look in the mirror, look at yourself, you look stupid. you’re nothing but a body only good for drug abuse. you stop your breathing and stare yourself in the eyes, you start to sob uncontrollably. you tell him to let you go but he only grabs you harder. you let out a scream and he whispers in your ear ‘what a fucking disgrace. leave. get your shit and leave.’ he lets go and throws you out the bathroom while he closes the door locking himself in.

you cant hear anything but silence. he screams but all you can hear is pain. did i do this to him? hes right i have to leave. but you cant get yourself to get up. tears still falling down your cheek. you yell and bang on the door ‘ushijima let me in please’ he doesn’t respond so you fall on the floor crawling up in a ball. you hear him whisper form the bathroom ‘i did everything for you. i tried everything to help you.’ you bitch he yells and you can hear him punch a whole in the wall. your eyes widen and your hand goes over your mouth because you dont want him to hear your sobs.

he opens the door grabs his keys and walks to the doorway. ushijima please dont go im sorry i’ll just leave so you can stay. i need you, i need your help. please you look at him as if he is your last resort. and he is. he just looks at you and says get up. you try your hardest to get up but cant do it, the pain, your body doesnt let you. and you know it’s because of those pills. after trying so hard you look up at ushijima you see him walk towards you. he puts you on his back and brings you outside and locks you out.

you thought he was coming out with you. you dont even try to knock or try and get in you just go to the backyard and you cant even walk right. you get in from a window. you cant hear anything in the house but you know he is in there. you look around the house quite as possible. you find ushijima with his head in his hands. you whisper his name. he looks back and says i knew i should have locked that window. he gets up passes by you and you look back and you see him stop in the middle of the hallway he turns back with his head down, hes coming back for you. he grabs your wrist and you can see his bloody hand from when he punched the wall. you dont say anything.

he brings you to the bed and says strip. you do as he says in complete silence avoiding eye contact. when you’re done he says look at me. you look him dead in the eye as you see him undress. you try and break eye contact but he slaps you and says ‘you fucking druggy i said look at me’ you cant believe he even touched you. you sob, you guys hear nothing but your sobs while you continue to look at him.

when hes done undressing he looks at you and says your cheek is red, its your fault. you punch him but it doesnt effect him. youre weak compared to him. he pins you to the wall and says you cant do that. youre going to get punished for that. im not even going to lie y/n, your hair looks amazing today but all your fighting ruined it. you whimper choking out a small ‘sorry ushijima’

he slaps your bare thigh and bites your neck. he pushes you on the bed and says look at me y/n. im hurting you i know, but give me consent. you look at him and nod your head. you think to yourself how did this even happen. im totally fucked.

you look down in fear and see his hard as fucking rock cock. you look up at him and hes staring at you. ‘i know you want it, i’ll give it to you.’ he then grips your thighs and you see that hes about to eat you out. he then without any warning blows on your sensitive clit, you jolt your body up. he takes his big hand and bushed your body down ‘do not move.’ you try your best not to move as he enters his tongue into you. as he is moving it in and out hes rubbing his thumb on your clit. you moan non-stop. as you reach your climax you yell ‘ushijima i-im gonna cum’ as he hears that he stops what hes doing and says okay.

you realized hes edging you on. you yell and say why would you do that ugh! ‘you want my cock? huh right? you slut say it.’ you finally say yes ushijima please i want you cock so bad. he then shoves his cock all the way in. you yell so loud you think the whole neighborhood heard. he didnt let you adjust to his size at all. he covers your mouth and says ‘shut up and take this fucking dick.’

he starts thrusting in and out faster and faster as you hear him moan, which only made you feel better. he says ‘this is what you get when you make me like this. this is all your fault this would have never happened if you were just a normal girl.’ you start tearing up and he notices and ignores it. still thrusting in and out, faster and faster. you yell ‘im going to cum toshi, please go faster.’ he does ‘cum with me baby.’ as you both reach your climax and cum on his dick as you feel him fill you with all of what he has.

he looks at you while tears are falling. ‘clean up, you look dirty’ while he whipes off your tears. he gets up and throws his oversized tee-shirt at you thats smells exactly like him. he then throws on boxers and brings you to the kitchen where he still had the dinner prepared from earlier. ‘dont fucking do that again y/n or i will go crazy.’ you just nod as you drank some water.

THE END HEHEHHEEHEH

omg okay so im sorry if this was too long, bad, or even way too much for some of you guys but ive been wanting to see one of these really bad so i made it myself. sorry if i made any of you guys uncomfortable:,(. even though i know ushijima would never do this to a woman, this was just the point of the story ig ‘ushijima in a toxic ass relationship’ can you guys PLEASE tell me how you feel about this bc its my first story ever hehehhe. anyways maybe even put in some recommendations. also sorry if there were typos lol



[unrrrreliable]

08.06.2021

so much stuff happened

i dont even know where to start lol. actually ive wanted to come on here a few times but i didnt know the password but oh well.

so to summarize all the stuff thats been happening/has happened this past 8 months: 1- school, no friends (in my class), same shit. 2- my dad got drunk on february 5th and got stuck in the fucking park at like 23.00 and my brother and i had to call security to open the gate and then we also had to call the police and the ambulance because he was too drunk and aggressive. and 3- i had this fucking piano competition on march 21st, got the 1 prize which was reaaallly wide as in a lot of people, even those who didnt really deserve it, got it. basically it was really fucking stressfull since i was practicing the wrong way, didnt make huge progress, wanted to stop and cried a lot. but hey its been a month (the 2nd and last part was on may 8th and it went pretty bad because i got like 5th prize. i know i competed against ppl who are in university but i still couldve done better and anyone who comforted me knows that. i also went to the therapist a few times. is it helping? well i cant say that it isnt, but yk. at least its someone i can talk to. 

right now i still have to practice for my piano exam which will be on june 24th. its going fine ig, although i didnt study properly for like a month. thank fuck tests are done bc i seriously couldnt do any more of that shit istg. 

to be fair whats worst in this precise moment is my school situation,. not academic, but social. so as you know, i havent reallyyy tried to be part of the boy group in my class, as in i dont really talk to them, mostly because i just have no idea of what to say to start a conversation so it gets really akward. but today my mom came into my room asking me if there was a cena di classe today and ofc i said no bc no one had invited me. but then i remembered that yesterday a few ppl were organizing something for today. i think it wasnt only the 4 guys but there also were some girls but im not sure. either was, not trying to be dramatic but that kinda hurt lol. like i know i dont talk a lot in class but what would it cost you to invite me. but whatever. i also cried 30 min ago. it felt good afterwards tbh. but i still kinda feel like shit. its just the fact that this whole school year ive been really fucking lonely. not 0 friend lonely, but generally in class i would be kind of a loner. like i only talked to the two girls who sit behind me and who of course have their own friend group, which they have had since middle scjhool. my middle school friend group basically dismantled since two of theme are in one class and therefeore formed their own group, two others went to another school and another one, which is basically the only one i talk to daily, is in a different school. and honestly we dont go out that much anymore because i stopped writing. i realized that i was the only one who would ever call them so i felt that i was being kinda clingy or maybe i just didnt get the message. anyways, i know that i couldve tried harder and actually get in the group but idk, i just didnt care. obviously it sucked to be alone and i knew why i was and what i had to do in order not to be it anymore, but idk why i just didnt try enough. so yeah this school year sucked ass. at least im changing classes next year. 

one of the reasons why i didnt really bond w them is that were just different people who have different tastes and interests. they talk a lot about video games and football, which i have no understanding of. generally every interaction i have with them is really akward. but still i feel like and know that i couldve tried harder. what sucked is that all my friends are in other classses and formed their own friend groups and are just moving on yk? it kinda tore apart the friend group but im happy for them. meanwhile i was stuck in that class. not many friends tbh, never went out and still never go out. wow nice im crying again. 

tbh what really sucked was going home at lunch or after school alone and seeing wveryone with their own friend groups. and yes again, i know that i could have waited for them or just tried to conversate with them, but whenever i waited for them or tried to catch up they just walked faster (not on purpose) but it was impossible to even squeeze myself in so i was just like whatever. also what really sucks is that they (plus another guy who literally is always hanging out with his girlfriend) are the only guys in my class. and i cant only hang out with girls cause yk.

i also miserably attempted to form a group which consisted of me g g v and v. it failed because g and g started getting all bitchy and viscious and i was like ok then fuck off. plus theyre always w their boy/girlfriend, and v is always w g. and i literaly have never even had a conversation with v. 

but im so glad m exists. shes one of my best friends. i really like being around her, talking to her, i like the way she just lives life and is up to anything. also she’s always there. i just love her so much. not in a romantic way though. i also really like f but she hangs out with her boyfriend every satuday, which was the day we used to hang out. i still love talking to her and being with her. those are basically roughly the only two people i hang out with. like i cant really think of anyone else except for my old middle school friend group with which the last time we all hung up was in march. 3 months ago. i hung out w a, in the middle of april i think. but that was it. so of course we dont hang out regularly. also, i havent gone out for the entirety of may, which again i know is my fault, like i couldve asked anyone in my class. the boys dont really go out tho, bc i know e only hangs out w his out-of-our-class friends. and tbh i feel like if the 4 of them went out he would invite me (questionable?). but idk. but again, i really like hanging out w her, acc we went to milan on friday. it was really nice. we both enjoyed it a lot. theres still something i wanna say about her but my mom is calling me so i have to wipe out my tears haha

see ya

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

feels

its been a hot minute since ive posted here and im literally dying laughing at my previous posts bc like what was i doing lol i was lit 12. anyways im writing here bc im honestly j tired of venting to my friends. i love them all n stuff but i j hate that theres always something going on with be and im j constantly annoying them idk. ok anyways so in early september my best friend in the entire world told me he liked me and asked me out. he was like. in LOVE love w me. i went out w him bc i was afraid if i didnt id lose him but anyways to make a long story short we had the worst break up in the entire world like two months later and it was j so bad and i lost my best friend and everyone was mad at me for playing him and i basically felt like the worst person in the entire world. one ofthe biggest reasons why i was judged is bc i immediately started liking one of my other friends, lets call him s. i fell HARD for this mf. i honestly dont know whats wrong w me lol like my ex was the perfect bf but i j had no feelings for him whatsoever. meanwhile s has NO experience w girls lol. but this boy put me in a mf trance lemme tell u. things were rlly weird between us. like middle school shit. it was kinda cute ig. hes so fuckin cute lemme tell u omg. over winter break my girl friend group and his guy friend group hung out at his house, and at one point he asked me to go downstairs tog get some snacks and he asked me to come to his room to show me his trophies and it was so. cute like omg and i knew he was tryna find the courage to kiss me so i took it upon myself and kissed him and then we j made out in his room for like 30 mins andOMFG every now and then id pull away to like fix my hair and he had the biggest smile on his face and like when we were done and we got up off his bed he kissed me again and when i pulled away he PULLED ME BACK IN LIKE FUCKING FUCK anyways this is when i kneww i was in love w this boy haha. faast forward to new years eve. im with my friends and we’re drunk asf and im texting him and long story short i told him i loved him and HE SAID “yea well i love u more” and proceeded to tell me the nicest things i think ive ever heard in my life like i j kept falling more and more into him. my friends give me sm shit for saying i love him but like honestly when u know u love someone theres no way u can explain it but whatever. anyways after new years he would text me the sweetest things all the time and make the nicest gestures like he fucking brought me CHOCOLATE WHEN I WAS ON MY PERIOD ugh and he called me his princess and hesaid no matter how weird i got w him id always be his and he j made me feel like the bestever and i was j waiting for the day for him toask me out. FAST FORWARD TO AFEW  DAYS AGO THIS MOTHERFUCKER TELLS ME HES NOT READY TO DATE ME. which is fine but THEN he said he knows he said a lot of things to me but that he only said those things bc he thought thats what i wanted to hear and he was panicking like WHAT THE FUCK DUDE I LOVE U U CANT J SAY THAT and now im rlly sad and he said right now he j needs time to himself but he sees us together in the future and i kNOW i shouldnt give him that chance bc he rlly played me but like i knw im gonna give it to him bc this boy j makes me melt i cant even explain it ugh i j want to hug and kiss him and laugh w him and have things not be weird. ALSO none of my friends seeem to realize how much this is affecting me and they continue to talk about him like nothingever happened so thats great but once again im so sick of complaining to my friends. literally why do boys exist. how could u tell someone u love them and they made ur year good and youll always be for them and theyre the most beautiful girl youve ever seen j to be like JK. anyways i was out to dinner w m y friends tn and he texted me and we texted like everything was fine and i j got rlly sad like i love him omg UGH i hate myself lol. HAHHAHA im realizingthis post doesnt make sense but like im j writing what im thinking. i j want him again and i wanna be his princess again like idc if he didnt mean that . idk why i can give my friends the most logical relationship advice but then when it comes to me im like LOL SCREW RATIONALITIES smh well this is all imbeing an angsty teen and listening to billie eillish bc im in my #feels. that is all haha will update later 

[longchunkytooth]

i had this rly intense dream that was weird af but i fucking loved where i was going to christmas dinner at this really fancy hotel and the dinner thing itself was like propped up on this platform surrounded by infinity fountains and black reflective tiles and i didnt want to go at all bc my face was blue or something and my mom dragged me outta the house before i could finish my makeup so once i got thhere i went to the bathroom to wash my face and do my makeup and stuff and i was feeling rly snarky and omw there i saw people i knew and i was like tf why am i doing this and then once i was @ the bathroom i saw someone i knew and I was like yo man and they were being rly friendly and then it turned out they were transitioning or smth but they were rly depressed and only wore rectangle glasses and they looked like ross from friends but they seemed v happy with it and thn i was at the counter doing my eyeliner and the whole bathroom was cramped with the same black tiles as outside so i was sitting on the counter to do a better line and this person i met at model un was beside me doing their eyeline and it looked fkin good and thm my ross friend had a friend who was rly snarky and really fucking cute who was just sitting n the washroom i guess (i guess my dream was reflecting how i think wahsrooms should be genderless bc u just go thre to fkin poo !!!!) and we were having very snarky convesations that i dont remember but i was flirting like hardxcore and we followed each other on spotify it was so fucking dumb but like i was into it anyways and then i guess my dream skipped the actual dinner part ???? and the whole thing just moved locations to this countryish house on the edge of the woods that was shaped like a triangleish on the base and had pumpkin/potato/garden patches on either side of the triangle and it was very victorian style and the owner of the house was the cute boys dad ig but i didnt know them and id never been to this house bfore ?? the house also had this low brick wall going all around it with little wire gates and on the one side of one of the walls that wasnt the entrance and wasnt a garden patch was a mini orchard and there were chairs set up where everyone at the dinner would sit in the mornings  and stuff LAST DETAIL the hallways inside the house were very victorian had tall rounded open doorways the living room/study was on the right and the kitchen was on the left and the stairs in the middle (i never went upstairs tho) but they both had french door types leading out into the garden and it was actually rly pretty and woulda been so dreamy and nice if the whole place wasnt so creepy and fucked up !!! so we got there at sunset i think and everything was chill and i was still into that guy and there was this kid who was maybe 7-10 who was very small and nice that had kind of a blond bowl cut who just showed up which was a nice part of the whole thing and these next parts went by pretty fast so i dont remember much but basically after dark idfk where all the adults went but all the lights turned off in the house and the guy and his dad turned into these rly evil vengeful spirits ig ???? like think the blue things from that beatles movie except like cream/brown colour instead of blue and square bodies that were really maleable, thats what i can remember. so they had these graves that came outta the veggie patches at night and i was like to the cute guy yo wheres ur dad and then i fll into the grave and his dad popped ut all smoky and rectangly around me (his body looked like it had the consistency of very soft sculy around the sides and then the middle was translucent) and me and the kid had to fucking fight them and it was crazy and we went lke all over the house and it took photos with the b and w film on my camera and i kept thinking in the dream how creepy it would be if they were still ther when i woke up (tbh i hope so  i almost fnished the roll and as creepy as it would be it would be so cool i havent checked yet) but we ended up fighting their asses all night and only escaping in the morning when i think they made me wake everyone up by being a rooster on the brick wall ( cant remember) BUT me and the lil boi escped by making a zipline/rope thing either coming outta the trees or on the power line or off the roof of the house on of those and we went so fast they couldnt get us and it did like a super fast time lapse thing and we spent the rest of our lives up until our mid twenties ghost hunting or living like theives in treehouses and his face kept changing but i think the lil dude grew up to look like that guy from scooby doo that velma liked but with like softer features ?? i dont remeber anyways we lived in this rope house in this big tree and 1 day we were like we can take em i guess so we went back to that house and it was all in ruins but the graves were still ish there and we saw the guy and his dad but he was like older and the guy hadnt like .. aged well lol he had longish hair and shit but it was like not a good look for him and we ziplined in an fought em again and i dont rly remember the details but we had to shoo away a gang of kids that used the lot to smoke or smth and we ended up fighting the ghosts or whatever they were so hard that they became rly small and we squeezed and locked them inside of a brass or metal kettle that they couldnt get out of and THATS IT my phone was dead so i just ahd to write this out somewhere bc i thought the dream was cool !!!