#which is weird when i think about it bc i can ramble for hours on the lore of this

[reds-skull]

Bringer of Demise

[FIRST PART] [AO3]

I'll be honest, I wasn't that confident with the first chapter (probably because it's been a while since I sat down to write something) but I like this one much more. The angst is definitely helping lol

Here's chapter 2: Like a House Fire

“Simon-” Soap jumps as the door slams behind him. Ghost grunts, walking further into his room to sit at the desk, reports now laying forgotten. Not that they need them anymore, with Novikov’s arrival.

Soap takes a sit in front of him, the bed creaking when he leans forward to look in Ghost’s dark eyes. “Talk to me, mo chridhe.”

Ghost slides the mask off his face, and throws it on the desk with so much force some papers fly and land behind it. Soap waits as he stares at the wall for a minute or two, lost in whatever dreadful memory the Doctor brought forward.

“Novikov was the one that tested me. When they brought me back from Mexico.” he starts, voice carefully monotone. “Went through regular shit at first. How long I can use Limbo before I have to stop. What happens if someone shoots at it from the outside. See if sound travels, if comms work.”

Soap holds his tongue, ignores the questions that float to his mind about the process. It’s more important for him to listen to Simon.

“Didn’t really have a problem with those. Expected them, really.” Simon shakes his head, bitterness bleeding into his voice, “it started going wrong when Shepherd came into the picture.”

At the mention of that name, Soap’s jaw clenches. General fucking Shepherd, the man behind Graves’ leash. Ran like a coward after his dog died, still off grid even after Laswell got the go-ahead from CIA to start a search for him. Soap remembers the few meetings he was in, how Shepherd would address Ghost. Spoke to him as if Limbo wasn’t tearing itself apart because of his orders.

Ghost never told him much about the bawbag, Soap never asking. Felt wrong, with how little he willingly gives Ghost about his own past.

“What did he do?” he asks, a little hesitant to hear the answer.

“Novikov wasn’t pushing me hard enough, according to him. Because he was afraid of what my powers would do to me or to others, or for a different reason, I didn’t bother finding out. Don’t know if the Doc tried to resist. It doesn’t matter.” Simon lets out a mirthless laugh, “you know the rest.”

Soap nods. “Ye think… he will do it again? Push ye to…”

“I’m not worried about me, Johnny.” He leans closer to Soap, and it dawns on him that Simon’s not as angry as he is terrified, “there’s nothing new Novikov can tell me to use Limbo on that would break it like last time. But you… they never found your limits, have they?”

“... You know they didn’t need to.”

“I don’t think that ever satisfied Novikov, or the higher-ups.” Soap frowns, Simon’s voice lowering to an almost whisper, “I think they were just as tied up in red tape as you.”

He doesn’t respond to that. He doesn’t think he needs to, they both know Simon is right.

Soap’s memories of that time period are… muddy at best. And it wasn’t because of the shot he received to the head, the day he died.

In the weeks following it, Soap felt like everyone that knew what happened there was walking on eggshells around him. Not many knew, they tried to sweep it under the rug immediately to avoid an international incident, but those that did…

When Soap refused to use his powers on field, his Captain was irritated. Said he’d go to the higher-ups, get him written for insubordination.

The very next day, the Captain took him to the side and asked him to tell him. Fuck the higher-ups when it comes to his own personal curiosity, eh?

Soap refused, obviously. The Captain let it go, eventually, but Soap always wondered if he was trying to send him into impossible situations to see just how much destruction he can survive.

“I’m not going to let him do anything to you, love.” Simon’s voice makes him refocus on the present, “Novikov tells you to jump, you ask me how high.”

Soap scoffs fondly, the anger that has bubbled up in his chest subsiding, “they’re gonna write ye up, LT.”

“Don’t care. They won’t boot me out anyway.” he answers smugly, scarred lips quirking up in a way that makes Soap want to explode the rest of the world, if only to keep him safe.

He returns the smile, “sound awfully certain of yerself. Should I ask Price if the power went to yer head?”

Simon huffs, “just the facts, Johnny. Not only I’m legally dead, they wouldn’t want someone like me strolling around civvies in case I go off and send a couple hundred to Limbo.”

“Sometimes I forget just how much off yer heid you are, Simon Riley.”

“Takes one to know one, and all that.” Simon moves to get up, when something pulls at his leg.

A few dark hands started petting at their boots, so gently they didn’t notice. Soap smiles, leaning down to return the favor with his left hand.

“Look, we made yer friends worried.” the hands wrap around his fingers, chasing the little white flames.

Simon shakes his boot, loosening the residents of the void’s hands, “you know that’s not how that works.”

“Well, they react to our emotions, you never know!” he turns back to the hands, “don’t listen to him, he’s just grouchy ‘cause I’m not holdin’ his hand.”

He’s happy to continue playing with Simon’s “friends” until a shrill sound cuts through the air. Soap watches Simon grab his phone from his pocket.

“It’s Rudy.” he taps his phone and sits down next to Soap, “Rodolfo?”

“Fantasma. Is Soap with you?” Rudy greets, voice hurried.

Soap takes Simon’s wrist and brings the phone closer, “aye, what’s wrong?”

“All of our revenants were woken up by our Reapers, I… I assume it happened to yours as well.”

Christ, must be later than midnight in Mexico right now. Getting dragged into your Reaper’s realm in the middle of sleeping… can’t be fun.

“Affirm.” Ghost says, “I assume yours asked about Fate and Lumity?”

“Yes.” there’s someone talking in the background, and Soap realizes it’s Alejandro, giving out orders, “some of our revenants chose Fate. We’re in the process of reprimanding them, but… It’s more important that I tell you what we gathered.”

Simon and Soap share a look. Anything would be helpful at this point.

Rudy continues, “the ones that chose Fate didn’t give us much. Apparently their Reaper just left, only saying they chose right. It is mine that explained the most.”

“You did say your Reaper was chatty…” Simon mutters.

“It is.” Rudy sighs, “my Reaper didn’t get mad when I chose you. It said it was expecting it.”

Rudy’s Reaper… Reaper of Matter… is on Lumity’s side?

“The Reapers are… in a state of disorder.” he pauses, mulling over the words. “... My Reaper said this hasn’t happened since before the age of revenants.”

“Did it say what’s Fate’s goal in all this?” Simon asks.

“No. I don’t think it knows.” Rudy begins talking in Spanish to someone on the other side, far too fast for Soap to understand. “-Jabón y Fantasma?”

They can hear some rustling before Alejandro’s voice comes through, “Hermanos! You landed us in a real shitshow this time around, eh?”

Soap smiles sheepishly, “good teh hear ye, Ale. Sorry about the mess.”

“All good. Well- for now.” Alejandro hums, “I have a feeling that is due to change at any point.”

“Ye said it…”

Rudy turns the phone back to him, as he says, “whatever it is, you can call us. We’ll continue to update you.”

“Appreciated, hermano,” Ghost answers, “same goes for us.”

“Don’t be strangers. We’ll talk later.” Ghost and Soap say their goodbyes as Rudy hangs up.

So the Reapers themselves don’t quite know what Fate is planning… he didn’t think it was possible, but Soap is even more unsettled. Reapers are volatile as it is, though before they could’ve trusted them to not meddle in their “boring human affairs”.

A Reaper even Reapers can’t foresee… how can they prepare against something like that?

Soap eventually returned to his own barrack, long after daylight faded. Sleep evaded him for most of the night, burning moths fluttering around his cot as he tosses and turns, flames occasionally charring his blanket.

When morning finally comes, he finds himself in the revenant training grounds along with Ghost. Anxiousness drips down his spine as they wait for the Doctor and his assistants.

Ghost knocks their boots together, and Soap calms. He’s not going through this alone, unlike any other revenant.

He begins to hope Novikov has simply forgotten about them when the man is late. Unfortunately, he doesn’t. Almost 20 minutes after the tests were supposed to start, the man comes hurrying down the training grounds, the papers in his hands miraculously not flying away in the gentle breeze.

“Sergeant! Lieutenant! I apologize for the delay.” Novikov calls when he gets close enough, somewhat out of breath, “yesterday’s incident had us sifting through reports all night, as you can imagine.”

The Doctor pauses to take another deep breath, and flips through the folder he brought, “as I’m sure you understand, this will not be a standard revenant test. I will not be redoing your basic tests, Lieutenant. As for you, Sergeant…”

Novikov turns his bespectacled grey eyes to him, and gives him a small smile, “I understand that I will not be able to test your limits here, but the records of the Verdansk incident are enough.”

Soap’s back straightens, and he can’t help but growl, “ye know about it?!”

He can count on two hands the amount of living people that know the whole truth behind his Reaping, and about half of them are in the 141.

“Laswell has allowed me access to the files. I’ve known about the incident beforehand, of course, theorized Konchar had-”

“Don’t ye dare say that fuckin’ name.” he snarls, flames flickering within his clenched fists. It doesn’t stop the stream of blurry memories, of melting skin beneath his fingertips-

Soap forcibly exhales, coercing his flames to die down.

Novikov doesn’t seem offended by the interruption. On the contrary, he looks… intrigued.

“I’d like to test the difference between your hands, to start. I have only been made aware of the changes in flame color, and the markings, of course.”

Soap glances at Ghost, who gives him a nod.

“What do ye need me to do, Doctor?”

“This is most intriguing… the flesh of your left hand is cooler than your right, but the flames are considerably warmer…”

Soap feels the ground between his fingers crumble to ash. So far, The tests are quite… boring, if he’s honest.

He’s had his own morbid fascination with his own powers, for a while. Wondering how it compares to other explosive compounds, trying to run the numbers to find the closest approximate. He thought, if he could find an equation, he could control his powers better.

Soap gave up on it soon after. Didn’t have enough data to work with, and generating more meant using his powers, and well…

Novikov lifts his pen, “very good, Sergeant.” steamin’ Jesus, he’s not 5, is he gonna give him a sticker next? “Now, Lieutenant, remove any clothing on your right arm, if you will.”

Ghost, who up until now stood motionless in his best imitation of a statue, stares at Novikov for a long moment, before slowly removing his glove and tucking it into his belt. He steps closer to Soap, rolling his sleeve to reveal pale, scarred skin.

“Now, with your left arm of course, I want you to attempt to explode the Lieutenant’s arm.”

Soap notices the assistant with the heat-sensitive camera aim it at Ghost, “it’s not gonna do anything to him, Doc.”

“Then there shouldn’t be any problem demonstrating it.” Novikov doesn’t look up from his papers. Bawbag.

Ghost offers him his arm silently. Soap knows it won’t do anything to him, they bear marks to prove it.

Soap takes the arm. White flames wrap harmlessly around it. He focuses his powers to his left hand, the air around them distorting.

It feels fundamentally wrong to try and hurt Simon. His breathing picks up, fingers twitching as the flames climb higher and higher.

“-it’s as if they’re trying to reach equilibrium. The flesh cools the flames, the flames heat it in return-”

Ghost doesn’t react, not that Soap can see with his vision tunneling on their joined limbs. The fire burns, searing, scorching, mutilating-

“-You may stop now, Sergeant-”

He can’t hurt him, how could he ever dare hurt him? Why isn’t anyone stopping this?

Like a bystander watching a house fire, Soap is helpless in front of the flames. He can almost smell the bubbling flesh from here, the melting of everything in the face of unending ruin-

“-ohnny. Enough.”

Soap jumps, the world rushing back to his senses. He turns his head shakily, to see Novikov’s gaze boring into him.

“Ah’m not- I can’t-” he mumbles, words barely forming on his lips, “Ghost-”

“You’re alright, Johnny.” Ghost’s smooth voice is steady as ever, but his eyes betray him, “it’s over.”

Novikov affirms, “We got all we needed, Sergeant.”

Ghost lifts his hand towards him, and Soap barely suppresses a flinch as it trails down his bicep. “You’re alright.” he repeats.

Soap nods, feeling like a bampot all at once. Of course Ghost is fine. They already knew this, he told Novikov as much not 10 minutes ago.

Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid. Soap grits his teeth, “what’s next, Doctor?”

Novikov takes a while to answer, and Soap avoids Ghost’s perceptive gaze as they wait, “I have received approval for Limbo, Lieutenant. I’d like to see the changes it went through first-hand.”

“... Understood. We will need to put some distance between us.” Ghost grunts.

The Doctor waves his hand, “naturally. You’re familiar with your limits, I’ll leave it to your judgement.”

Soap feels Ghost urge him to move, and they begin walking.

“Johnny-”

“Aye.” Soap huffs, “sorry, LT.”

“What for?” Ghost hums, “you did nothing wrong.”

He doesn’t answer to that. If Ghost didn’t see his fuck-up, he’d rather not bring it up.

“If you need to stop at any point-”

Maybe he’s easier to read than he thought, “Ah’m solid, Simon.”

“You froze there. Don’t think you can hide it.” or maybe Ghost knows him too well by now.

They come to a stop, facing one another. Soap bites the inside of his cheek, “I’m- I’ll be fine as long as Ah don’t have to repeat that.”

“You won’t.” Ghost assures him, “ready for Limbo?”

If there’s a place to find peace of mind, it’s the void, “aye. Been a while since we paid our friends a visit, hm?”

Ghost chuckles, “only you’d call them that.” He raises his voice, shouting to Novikov, “Limbo out in five!”

The Doctor gives them a thumbs-up, so Ghost closes his eyes.

Entering Limbo never got less jarring. Soap gets used to it faster if he expects it, but the shift from the colorful, lively world to the still void is an odd one.

Still, once he gets accustomed to it, he can’t help but smile. As weird as it is to say, he missed this place.

Limbo’s victims are docile, chasing after bright moths with no sense of urgency. Like shooting stars, they paint the dark skies of Limbo with radiant yellows and oranges.

This might be the only good thing Soap’s powers have ever done.

He catches Ghost staring at him, his eyes a glowing white, “what?” he asks with a small grin.

“Better?”

“Aye.”

“Sergeant!” Novikov shouts, though it sounds muffled as it enters Limbo from the other side, “try to explode something!”

Soap frowns, “is he talkin’ about yer friends?”

Ghost mutters, clearly unhappy with the disturbance, “don’t know.”

“What do you want ‘im to test it on?!” Ghost shouts back.

“Any material will do! I assume you’re standing on something, correct?”

Soap looks down, at the solid black ground. “What is this made of, anyway?”

The way Ghost hums back tells him ‘fuck if I know’. He crouches down, placing both hands on it. The texture is almost like a glass pane, except his fingers can’t get a grip on it no matter how much he tries.

Before he can hesitate, Soap flexes his fingers.

Nothing happens.

“Huh.” he tilts his head, “suppose it makes sense.”

“How so?” Ghost kneels beside him, sliding a finger over the undamaged surface.

“My powers have to come into contact with a material to explode.” Soap shrugs, getting back on his feet, “void’s made of nothing, no?”

“Hm.” Ghost casts another look around Limbo, and blinks.

Soap catches himself before his knees buckle from the rush of color and noise back into the world. Ghost hooks an arm under his shoulder as a precaution, but he assures him he’s stable.

“Absolutely outstanding! This is the first time you couldn’t explode something, is that correct, Sergeant?” Novikov half-jogs to them.

“Uh… Aye?”

The Doctor’s eyes gleam with wonder, “Incredible! If only there were more Revenants of Destruction in this base, I would be able to test if this is a result of a relation between your Reapers, or a consequence of your powers mixing… Alas, this is not the purpose of my visit.” 

Novikov’s assistants are absorbed with the testing equipment they brought, some looking like set pieces of a low budget sci-fi movie to Soap. He’d love to nick one to take apart, but the shite’s probably so delicate even his fingertips would burn and destroy them.

“Now, for the next test, I’d like you to-” a shrill noise cuts Novikov off, and Ghost pulls out his phone.

Soap pouts when Ghost answers. Why does no one ever call him?

“Affirm. We’ll be there in fifteen.” Ghost ends the call, “we need to go to a meeting with Laswell.”

Novikov’s eyes dim, “ah, I see… I suppose we can continue this afterwards.”

“You’re invited too, Doctor.” Ghost grunts, making both Soap and Novikov swing around in surprise.

When Laswell finally shows up on screen, she seems different from what Soap remembered.

Dark eye bags, pale, hair more grey in some places. He almost didn’t recognize her, and looking around the room tells him the rest of the team thinks the same.

The rest, except Price, “how are you, Kate?”

Laswell sighs, more hair falling off her tight bun. “Let’s get to work, John.”

As she brings up several images on screen, Price reports in their mind, “someone attacked Laswell and her wife in their home two months ago. She got off with minor injuries, but her wife… her concussion was severe enough that she barely talks most days.”

“Did they catch the fucker that did it?” Soap thinks back. If they didn’t, he’d gladly volunteer to put the bastard six feet under. He owes Laswell that much.

Price stops him from continuing to plan a revenge, “Kate killed him, son. She’s trained for field work, an everyday burglar doesn’t stand a chance against her. Now focus up.”

Soap huffs, “yes sir.”

“-we found signs of Shepherd’s work around Urzikstan. Supposedly, he’s working with one of the resistance groups there.” blurry satellite images pop up on screen, convoys and remote buildings hidden between green hills.

Gaz frowns, “either he suddenly grew a moral compass, or there’s a catch.”

Laswell nods, “it’s possible it’s a false lead, but with recent clashes between Urzik forces and the Russians, I’d like you to personally investigate it.”

“We’ll get it done, Laswell.” Price says, his authoritative voice on full blast.

“No one I trust more than you.” Laswell smiles, in a way Soap has never seen. “Now, obviously as you all are grounded, I wouldn’t just send you on what could potentially lead to nothing…”

She begins talking to Novikov, “we’re working on tracking the missing revenants Graves and Shepherd trafficked.”

The Doctor nods, adjusting the frankly huge glasses on his nose bridge, “many of them belong to rarer kinds of Reapers. If they were to fall into the wrong hands…”

“We can’t allow that to happen.” Ghost finishes sternly.

“Commander Karim has been working to find them, but there’s so much she can do while also fending off Russians.” the screen switches to a compilation of names and passport photos, each listing both a date of birth and Reaping. “This is your official reason to be sent to Urzikstan, boys. Whatever intel Graves has left behind him regarding the revenants’ location, we need it.”

“When are we up?” Price asks.

“1600.”

Gaz whistles, “brass’ knickers are all twisted up, huh.”

“Miss Laswell, if I may.” Novikov pipes up, “I have yet to finish the renewed revenant test of Sergeant MacTavish and Lieutenant Ghost. I will not be able to give you an accurate recommendation before that.”

The fuck’s he talking about?

“I understand, Doctor, but it’s out of my control.” Laswell exhales, “this is why I invited you to this meeting. Based on what you do know, what is your verdict?”

The entire room swivels to stare at the Doctor. Novikov scrambles to flip through the papers in his hands, before speaking with an air of defeat.

“Considering my current understanding of Lumity, and the state of Sergeant MacTavish and Lieutenant Ghost… I recommend that until further testing, they should be separated as much as possible on field, if their powers are to be used.”

… What?

[diddlesnap]

I think there were some serious growing pains when katniss and peeta were starting to "grow close" again.

[dbphantom]

maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...

[dontwanderoff]

have filled six and a half pages of an a5 notebook for job interview potential questions and ideas for answers so far and my hand hurtsssss and the nerves are reallllllll

[year2000electronics]

I absolutely LOVELOVELOVE your Reverse Falls HCs from what I've seen :). I would love to ask more about so much aspects haha.

What is Reverse Ford's main goal in this universe?

What is Ford' and Stanley's backstory?

Mind sharing some info about Reverse! Dipper and Reverse! Mabel?

HOKAY. i will use this ask to talk a little about the reverse stans' backstories because i have Some Ideas. as always full answer under cut bc its got images and rambles galore

in my mind, the gleeful family association with magic & the supernatural starts with caryn's phone psychic business, and ford having "The Gift" while stan ABSOLUTELY doesnt. but in real terms that means just having a really strong intuition and being able to guess well. (at least thats what filbrick and caryn thing. ford genuinely thinks he has some semblance of psychic ability and so does his mom, but they just havent properly honed it yet) and so ford is the preferred child for that, instead of his smarts really. ford is also obsessed with the supernatural still, but it's more focused on the magical aspect.

ford and stan's relationship ends up being close because stan is the only one who believes ford about magic. i mean there are other reasons but thats very important to ford

ford, seeing how stan has always had his back by believing what he says about magic, offers to try and "tutor" stan into having The Gift. drilling him for hours by holding up cards and making him guess, stuff like that. but yknow, since both of them are kinda clamoring to inherit their mom's business, stan kinda ends up relying on ford for everything, and theyre taking on almost a mentor-student relationship when theyre Literally Brothers.

instead of west coast tech, the scholarship ford is being offered is for a famous performing arts school after his teachers saw him take the leads in school plays year after year. they tell him a scout will be at their school's talent show, and ford decides he's going to put on a stage magic show (with stan as his assistant). this time, not only is stan worried about ford leaving, but also, since they've both been working towards a really similar thing (performing for a crowd), he's really worried he'll never get a chance to show off that HE has skill, too! ford brushes him off about this saying that he'll put a good word in for stan when he's at performing arts school and stan is like "ok." and agrees to be his assistant.

in the middle of ford's show, he goes rogue, trying to show the scouts that he can be just as skilled as ford is, and completely screws up the trick he ends up performing. ford doesnt get that internship, ford is furious, so is filbrick, stan gets kicked out, you know the rest.

ford goes to backupsmore and double-majors in both theatre and whatever he majors in in the show. he plans to move to gravity falls because of its high ratings of weirdness. after stan got kicked out, instead of becoming a traveling salesman, he becomes a street magician who doubles as a pickpocket. stealing peoples' watches and stuff. he runs around all over the place

ford digs up four mystic amulets once he gets to gravity falls and stays there for a while, and is like "oh man i can USE these". so how i imagine the amulets to work is that they're kinda like, a conduit through which you can learn legit magic? like casting spells and stuff. but he probably only needs one so he keeps the other three in his house (and that's how the kids eventually find the others)

and of course thats how he starts up the tent of telepathy!

but he wants more. he wants to make the world pay for ever calling him a six fingered freak. and he wants to prove to the world that his magic IS real. he can't just lie sequestered in gravity falls forever. so he goes hunting for more answers about gravity falls' weirdness, and how he might be able to get more POWER to make a show so good the entire world will see... and that's how he summons will cipher! will tells him about the portal, and how itll open up a dimension of weirdness into his own, and ford accepts on those terms, looking out just for himself. then he asks fidds to come help with the portal, fidds walks out on him, he shackles will to him in a deal, but they both realize they don't have the manpower to run the portal. reluctantly, ford calls stan up, telling him to come and that it's important.

...but of course that doesnt go well. stan initiates a physical fight and ford ends up getting sucked into the portal. will is left alone with stan, who tells him he can buzz off because HE certainly doesnt want him around. stan works for the next 30 years to get ford back because he wants ford to finally be the one who has to suck up to HIM and owe HIM something.

at some point, mason and mabel's parents become unable to take care of them and give them to stan. he reluctantly takes them in, but soon after, not only do they find the amulets but also journal 2, and they end up reactivating ford's deal with will, getting passed down to the "next of kin" after stan rejected it. AND THATS SORTA WHERE THE SHOW STARTS. THUMBS UP.

[agaypanic]

Grumpy Malcolm With a Sunshine Reader Headcanons

Masterlist

Request Something!

A/N: holy shit i finally posted a fic. i posted this separately bc the ask was a bit lengthy and i didn’t want the whole post to feel bulky or anything

***

It was so weird for everyone when you first got together

You’re always so positive and energetic

Meanwhile, Malcolm hates everything and thinks the world sucks

Before you get together, it’s kinda like him and Cynthia where he likes you and stuff, but is slightly put off by your energy

“Hey, Malcolm!” The boy jolted, not expecting such an energetic greeting at seven in the morning. You plopped down into the seat next to him and took out a notebook.

“Hey, Y/n,” Malcolm responded, much more toned down compared to you.

You tossed your bundle of glitter gel pens onto the desk, letting them scatter around as you looked at your friend. “So, what did you do this weekend?”

Malcolm sighed. Francis and Piama had come to visit, which usually excited him. But those two days were filled with passive aggressiveness and backhanded comments between the couple and his mom. “Watched TV.” Malcolm usually liked complaining about his crazy family, but he figured he’d spare you from it because he didn’t want to take you out of your giddy mood. “What about you? What did you do?”

You were lucky that class wouldn’t start for a few more minutes, because you immediately went into an excited ramble about what you did over the weekend. To Malcolm, your energy made things as mundane as doing the dishes sound interesting.

Malcolm puts off you meeting his family as long as possible

Which isn’t long, considering his mom would find out pretty quick that you two are dating

He’s so worried that his family is gonna embarrass him and scare you off

But by the end of the night, he doesn’t know if he should be happy or scared that you actually like his family

You and Malcolm hadn’t even reached the front door yet, and you could already hear yelling and glass breaking. Malcolm cringed at the noises, putting a hesitant hand on the doorknob before looking at you. “Are you sure you wanna meet my family? I don’t know if you could tell, but we aren’t exactly… normal.”

“Malcolm, I don’t care if your family’s crazy.” You said comfortingly, giving him a peck on the lips. “I wanna meet them. Besides, I bet it’ll be fun!”

Your boyfriend didn’t really share your thoughts, but they gave him the push he needed to open the door and welcome you into the house. 

As soon as you stepped out of the front family room and into the kitchen, you and Malcolm were met with chaos. Lois was trying to cook, but kept getting distracted and yelling at Reese and Dewey, who kept shouting and fighting each other. Malcolm’s youngest brother, Jamie, wandered around the house, dropping toys without looking back at them. They would either make people yelp from accidentally stepping on them or be thrown at the two fighting brothers. The whole place seemed to be a complete mess. The only person who seemed unaffected by the environment was Hal, who was sitting at the dinner table drinking coffee and reading a newspaper.

You nudged Malcolm, your bright smile contrasting his horrified look. “See? This looks fun!”

Sometimes, your energy can be a little much for Malcolm

Not that he would ever tell you that

It’s just that he’s so used to people around him drawing attention for one reason or another

And sometimes, he just wants to lay low

But if anyone ever tells you to calm down or to “stop being so weird,” he’s gonna fight them

Sitting at lunch with your friends, you were talking your boyfriend’s ear off. Everyone except Malcolm seemed to tune out you talking about some artist’s new album you had been listening to. Although Malcolm was a bit tired from his classes, he nodded along and added comments whenever he felt necessary.

But for the most part, he just listened to you talk. “And now she’s going on tour, and she’s gonna be playing at a place that’s only like an hour away from us. We totally have to go, Mal!”

“Maybe,” Malcolm responded, thinking about how many extra shifts he’d probably have to pick up at the Lucky Aide to afford the tickets. “But remember, Y/n, it’s not guaranteed we’ll be able to get tickets.”

“I have hope.” You shrugged. “But before we go, you gotta listen to the album first. I think you’d like it, Mal. Oh my gosh, there’s this one song that I think could totally be our song, you know what I mean? It’s called-”

“Oh my God.” Reese appeared behind you and Malcolm, staring at you with some displeasure. “Y/n, do you ever. Shut. Up?”

All you did was blink at Reese, wondering how or if you should respond.

But Malcolm came to your defense immediately. “How about you shut up, Reese?”

“Oh, come on, Malcolm,” Reese said, rolling his eyes. “You have to admit that it gets annoying with her talking all the time.”

Instead of replying, Malcolm jumped out of his seat and pounced on his brother, taking him to the floor. Part of you wanted to try to break up the fight. But despite all the violence, you thought it was sweet of Malcolm to defend you with such urgency.

And as much as Malcolm wanted to distance himself from it, he would probably always attract attention and bring chaos. But as long as you liked it, he supposed he didn’t mind it as much.

***

Malcolm in the Middle Taglist: @rattilol

[outro-jo]

nct 127 with autistic partners

pairing: nct 127 members x reader

type: scenario

summary: how the nct 127 members help their autistic partners

request: yes

warning: mentions overstimulation, touch, food, meltdown in johnny’s, stimming

a/n: please lmk if johnny’s makes any of you uncomfortable. i’m hesitant to talk about the topic even though it’s necessary to talk about and normalize. it’s just difficult and i know that VERY well. 🤍 also please know that these (and the skz one) are just small examples of what some autistic people can experience and these may not be the only ways they would help their partners. 

UPDATE: T*eil has been removed

masterlist | info

—————————

taeyong- you were surprised to find out that despite being so busy and having to worry about 20+ “kids” of his own, taeyong is really good about texting and checking in on you. not only with basics like, “did you eat today? drink your water? take your vitamins?” but he spends a lot of time away from you and he doesn’t want you to get anxious or worry about his feelings towards you. he never assumes that his actions are speaking louder than his words when a lot of the time you struggle to interpret the feeling behind actions anyways. he’s very forthcoming with how he feels about you and will often just tell you he’s been thinking about you and misses you even when he’s been gone for just hours. (which like why… you just left how do you miss me?? 😂😂) 

johnny- johnny is really good under stress. he’s steady as a rock and it comes in handy in stressful situations which you can’t really handle all that much. you feel all the intense energy and it usually gets loud so it immediately triggers a meltdown. he’s just really good in any type of meltdown situation, whether it builds from the day and something small makes you snap or you’re relatively fine but something intense sets it off. he makes sure you have your headphones on and holds you tight to him. also talking you through the post meltdown guilt after bc it’s so real 😩

yuta- he LOVES hearing about all your special interests. he loves when you like sit and fidget with something and just ramble away about whatever it is you know literally everything about. he also loves to take you places where you can experience your special interest in a deeper way. i.e. special museums or experiences. even if he has no interest in the topic whatsoever, he just loves that you love it.

doyoung- he’s a very affectionate person but he’s very respectful and understanding which makes him perfect for you since you don’t like to be touched. he always asks for permission before touching you in any way first, even if it’s a small gesture like wiping your face when you’re eating (bc he just does that for people anyways). although at first when you rejected a hug from him, he was a little hurt and confused but did his best not to show it. once you explained it though, he was much more aware of his actions and if he needs a hug he’ll find one of the boys. 

jaehyun- this man knows the importance of a safe space not just emotionally in your relationship together but also physically like in your shared home. he worked really hard to make sure the lights weren’t too much, none of the blankets and furniture felt weird, all the smells in the house were mild and pleasant, safe foods always stocked, he even went as far to soundproof the bedroom so outside noise isn’t an issue. he also has lots of fidgets around the house and on his person for when you need to stim. 

jungwoo- similar to taeyong but in a different sense, hear me out. he knows how overwhelmed you get when you have to be around more people and especially people you’re not used to. it can kinda feel like you’re a sim without someone at the controller. you walk in the room of people and immediately feel like it’s too much and not do basic things that most people do easily. your default is just to stand at the edge of the room awkwardly, totally unsure of how to function. people may ask, “are you hungry? can i get you a drink? you can sit here if you want!” and you’ll deny everything despite being hungry, thirsty, or needing to sit. playing the “human part” can get so confusing when you’re overwhelmed and you may feel like your basic needs are burdensome to others even when it’s literally a party and every one is eating, drinking, and relaxing. so jungwoo is always at your side with his hand in yours to reassure you. he feels like a safer person you can say your needs too without feeling like a burden. he’s always so sweet and patient with you to make sure you get everything you want. 

mark- mark pays close attention to the sounds in the room. it’s something he never thought much about before he met you but when you explained it to him, it actually made a lot of sense to him. he always keeps you close by in case of a particularly loud noise he can cover your ears in time or be there to reassure you. he also keeps an extra pair of noise canceling headphones with him or at least some little ear buds in his pocket. he becomes attuned to helping you with some of your other sensory issues but sound is one that triggers you more often so he knows what to look out for. 

haechan- he found you intriguing when he first met you mostly bc you were kinda concerned with how he was being treated, especially by yuta. he thought it was really endearing when you’d get upset that he was being “slighted” but he explained that it was all a joke… you didn’t find it that funny. donghyuk loved that you cared so much for him so quickly and that you always wanted to show that you cared even if it meant you doing things you weren’t entirely comfortable with like hugging or other skinship. haechan was equally careful not to push skinship so much or just throw it on you without any warning. he was also careful with his jokes and not to tease you too much and upset you. overall he’s just very considerate. 

taglist: @ujejdjd

[ad-hawkeye]

wanted to know if you ever got to read artem’s pool/8 ball card i thought the event story was cute but i was a wee bit curious on your thoughts on the card

I JUST FINISHED IT!!!!!!!!! AS WE SPEAK!!! i have a whole list of my thoughts HAHA SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING IN ADVANCE

"artem had to join a pool club for work" is one of the better excuses to give him a new hobby, ill begrudgingly give them that

im glad artem still has the alcohol tolerance of a squirrel. do NOT let this man go off by himself he will accidentally take a sip of alcohol and then need a time out in the corner.

"is it that obvious?" yes, artem.

mc making sure artem eats a fucking meal is rly cute LMFAO

mc ordering artem a non-alcoholic drink is also sweet. i remember i wrote a fic (all the way back in like 2021 after reading atmospherics) where i wrote abt artem going out of his way to drink mocktails after all of that. genuinely really happy to see that's canon.

i've noticed newer ssrs are just. shorter? first year ssrs tended to be like, over an hour long when put on auto. but newer ones are only 40 mins on auto. laaaame. but then again with the overall writing quality, maybe they're just putting us out of our misery.

ah yes. artem getting surprised by mc kissing his cheek in public. what a sly sex chad. did they get the only good artem writer left at hoyoverse on this card or something

artem being exhausted from socializing is a mood. girl same.

the way these two talk about alcohol sends me. dear god artem we can let you have a sip oh god. OH JESUS CHRIST ARTEM NO --

this story is cute enough to make me sad. godddd. it's really nice to see artem more casual and open, esp since this story is more in character.

THE IRISH GOODBYE?? ARTEM LMFAO.

mutuals meet me in the secret passage of the pool place

sneaking out by running is giving the same energy as his revisiting youth ssr where they decided to sneak to the school's roof and hide from the security guards lmfao. ah. the nostalgia.

AND this ssr acknowledges artem's love of movies?? YES

STOP KISSING IN THE STORAGE ROOM GUYS THE CINEMA STAFF IS GOING TO FIND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAR GOD

"this should be filmed in slow motion" LMFAO

JUMPSCARE. JUMPSACRE. NEW ARTEM EXPRESSION. JUMPSCARE. HOLY FUCK

i sincerely think a full on artem smile is all i ever wanted back in the day i cant believe i fucking got it in the POOL CARD OF ALL CARDS

"was something set up incorrectly?" "[artem pout] probably."

mc taking a pic of his stupid distracted expression is amazing and him getting blushy about it is even funnier

"was it too sour?" "yeah...."

thank god pathetic artem is back

nevermind he is licking her arm like a dog. tot's fascination with licking will never fail to amuse me. this is like when my dog licks my leg in the middle of the night

if one sip of alcohol fucks him up this bad i'd hate to see what happens when he's a few shots in. mr wing breaking it down sloppy style on the floor (not clickbait)

STOP LICKING EACH OTHER YOU FREAKS

i think artem should trip a few more times it's funny

this is the closest we've gotten to artem fessing up about atmospherics i can fucking taste it

NOOOO THEY FUMBLED IT. NO ATMOSPHERICS MENTION. ENDING IT ALL. GOD DAMN IT

i can forgive this bc the running joke of them missing scenes in a movie is back

all in all as far as post second anniversary cards go, this one wasn't bad at all and had a lot of cute moments. a few weird ones (which is to be expected at this point ig), but mostly cute!! it made me miss my fav artem cards but in a good way. siiigh ;_;;;

[merwynpersonalhub]

marco x his partners headcanons fhdh

Marco x Kevin

-Actually very clingy to each other- I like to think if they are around the hold hands without thinking or kevin has a hand on his back and marco has a hand on his waist or whatever whatever

-Mostly spends time just cuddling and rambling- They can spend GOD DAMN HOURS talking- well mostly marco but still!!

-Kevin is the more calm one out of the two which is..oddly surprising lmao- Hes always making sure marco doesnt wonder off or do something stupid (kevin looked away from marco for a second and he broke his arm trying to jump over a fence smh.)

-Kevin for the first few weeks dating marco is very meh about him- BUT OMFG when he realizes "ok i do actually like him and hes super sweet-" hes just has this moment where he hanging out with marco and apologizing for being somewhat a lil asshole and he actually for the first time says "I love you very much" AND MARCO JUST A BIG GIGGLING MESS TRYING NOT TO CRY DHDJ

Marco X Radford

-Funny enough marco is a big listener to radford and just loves listening to him- even if he gives short "mhms" or hums he does pay attention to him and since he does he easily remembers radford favorite stuff and can easily read him lile a book-

-I ACTUALLY HC THEM IN THEIR FREETIMES THEY ARE VIDEO GAME STREAMERS!! RADFORD IS USUALLY THE GUEST STAR WHILE MARCO IS THE ONE PLAYING THE GAMES!! marco never played any games so radford thought it be sweet to just let him have fun!! He fucks marco up so easily with his jokes and shit-

-BOTH AFFECTION MONSTERS- THEY LOVE GIVING EACHOTHER KISSES AND HUGS EVEN IN PUBLIC- They arent even trying to show off they just that gay-

-CLOSE TO ROBERT AND JOHN BC OF THIS SOMWWHAT. hes very sweet to robert and sorta spoils him when he can- meanwhile he respects john so much! He doesnt steal him or jacks things and sorta see him as a weird father figure since i like to think john is very close to his family so hes like..somewhat like a father to them so ofc marco going to respect him!!

Marco X Streber

-PARTNERS IN CRIMEEE!! THEYVARE CHAPTIC LIL TROUBLE MAKERS!! where you think streber got it from??/silly

-Hc streber as a guy who loves crossdressing streber and marco would shop together for dresses and makeup and stuff like that!!

-Streber is a big old gift giver and it makes marco feels bad but streber always says "its fine! You give me lots of hugs! its only fair!" He loves the gifts he gets from streber and feels honored!

-Knows strebers coworkers and they are all very supportive of marco!! They actually sorta offered marco to work with them if he had free time next halloween! he actually took up the offer and scared some kids near the end of the tour- he was a scarecrow and was very still so kids walking around would assume hes a prop!! God he got some kids good-

Marco X Rick

-rick is very affectionate even if he doesnt seem like it!! He alwaus wrapped his arms around marco and resting his head in his hair just chilling-

-THEY ACT LIKE HUSBAND AND WIFE SO EASILY ITS CRAZY RHDJC legit its so fucking sweet

-Marco always picks up his partners but cant pick up rick- SO RICK BEING A TINY CHEEKY BASTA4D will pick him up sometimes and hold him bridal style and marco always freezes as he hides his head in his chest just embarrassed

-MARCO IS THE ONE TO SPOIL RICK A FUCK TON!! he alwyas trying to make him things and always taking him out in the woods to collect rocks and hang out with him!! he always smiles slightly when marco brings him oit and they have a day togehtwr ♡♡♡♡

anyways thats it for marco x wagegang imma ramble about today jdjdj

taglist: @totally-not-a-tickle-blog @jonesy-squish

[rorykeanersactualgf]

request where Benny Weir gets set up on a blind date with the reader who is deaf

A/N: In this, Ethan and Sarah are dating and set Benny and the reader up because it'll make the story make more sense and possibly more interesting xx :)) of course if there are any mistakes, please tell me so i can fix them

CW: slight talk of feeling like the reader isn't worth it (quickly does down the drain bcs c'mon benny is such a simp ong), Sarah being an absolute queen, kisses, Sarah and Ethan basically stalking to make sure the date was going well. That's about it, I hope you enjoy the story xxxx

The Blind Date.

I had known Sarah since we were in elementary school and we both liked similar things, she's a sweet girl and all but she likes to take a lot of things on by herself. She never liked asking for help because, well she never needed it. Always had good grades and was a very patient person, which came in handy for me because I am deaf. I was a lot like Sarah, in the way that I hated asking for help but that was because I didn't want people to think I couldn't do anything by myself, I could but sometimes people needed to be patient, and she always did.

She liked to help me in a lot of ways like learning sign language with me so we could communicate easier, making sure I didn't get told off for 'not listening' to substitute teachers when they didn't know I was deaf, etc. This also meant that she helped me by also helping one of her friends too.

Benny had been complaining to Ethan about not having a girlfriend yet and constantly whining about being lonely while Ethan tried (albeit failing) to give his dearest friend some well needed advice. It had gotten to the point where Ethan had no idea how to help him because anything that he told Benny to do, didn't work.

Ethan had told Sarah about what had happened and asked her for more tips for Benny since she had been in more relationships than he had when something had clicked in her mind. She had the same problem he was having, but with me. I had been constantly complaining to her via sign language across rooms or face-to-face. She knew that my type was the nerdy, awkward guy that loved to ramble on about random things, but it didn't matter, no one really wanted to date me because they thought that even though I wore hearing aids all the time and only occasionally used sign language when talking to my friends, that I wasn't worth the effort.

It didn't bother me too much because it was something I couldn't change but it also bothered me a bit because it was something that I couldn't change, it was a part of me, like how someone could have scars, but in my case, it was my inability to hear.

One day, she had had enough of Ethan constantly complaining about Benny saying he needed a girlfriend, it didn't matter who, and me constantly doing the same. As I got into my parents car to be picked up from school, Sarah was planning for me and one of her and Ethan's male friends called Benny Weir to go on a date together. She had surmised an entire plan for all of our problems to go away, hopefully. This included her and Ethan scheming behind mine and Benny's back.

It also didn't help that she knew exactly what my type in men was because it was the lanky, uncool, nerdy, strange, weird boys that rambled on about comics, games, movies, tv shows etc. for hours on end because I always felt they didn't get enough recognition for who they actually were, unlike the 'cool' jocks that failed every class just to be deemed interesting by his peers. It also helped that Benny would fall in love with any girl, no matter what she looked like or what she had that was different, it only made her more pretty. The only reason why we hadn't met before was because our paths had never crossed much, if at all, and he definitely did not have the same amount of courage and confidence as Rory did.

It was about 8 o'clock on a Friday night when Sarah had so graciously told me that I was going on a date to the park with the boy of my dreams and would not give any specific details other than he was basically just my type and that I needed to be at the park for about 2pm tomorrow afternoon. When I saw this, I thought she was bluffing but she told me she was serious and she even pinky promised that she wasn't joking with me and that I was actually going on a date tomorrow with someone. I decided to play along, and go to the date.

Likewise, Benny was told by Ethan that he was going on a date but was more nervous than he thought he would be, wondering who it would be, if I was going to be nice, how was he supposed to dress, oh god how was he supposed to dress, he's never been on a date before. He decided to agree and call Rory in the morning to help him get dressed for the occasion because Rory has more experience in this right? Right??

After messaging goodnight and doing my usual night time routine, I slipped into bed, looking forward to tomorrow, a warm swell of butterflies filled my chest thinking about what he may be like or look like.

After Benny had done his usual night time routine, he clambered into bed, tossing and turning side to side, nervous of what tomorrow would bring him, still slightly unsure if Ethan would prank him like that, a nervous swarm of butterflies clanked around his body as he tried hard to go to sleep, wondering if I'll at least be nice and like him... at least just a bit.

-----The Next Morning-----

Since I set my alarm so I could have an early morning start and put a bit of effort into my looks, I was able to throw the perfect casual but interesting look together, have a nice breakfast, do my hair so it looked decent at least, do a bit of homework so I wasn't behind, and make sure I was there on time. (you can wear what you want bbys x)

Benny on the other hand was a different story, he woke up with a very confused Rory in his room, looking down at Benny with a pile of 'suitable' clothes for a date cradled in his arms, his bed an absolute mess from being unable to sleep all night, and his phone still going off with alarms that had been going for at least an hour. Panicking, he checked the time and saw he only had an hour and a half to get fully ready, fed to some extent, out the door and at the place of the date.

After a long time of picking out the best clothes of the bunch, he settled on a rainbow cat t-shirt (courtesy of Rory), a pair of jeans, a jacket (courtesy of the floor) and his converse and a bracelet or two that was lying around.

Around 10 minutes before I got to the park, I got a message from Sarah with a number attached, just saying 'Benny's number ;)' on the message, I quickly added it and dialled the number, calling it to know how far he was and where we were meeting in the park, at least I hope he was coming.

Benny got a message from Ethan saying 'Readers number' with it attached, and he stopped where he was in the street and stared at his phone in disbelief for a good minute or two, unsure of what to do. Does he call you? Is he supposed to text her? No, that'd be weird and out of the blue. Do I-

His train of thought stopped when he saw the same number on his phone calling him, now panicking because he wasn't sure on what he was supposed to say but before it rang out, he answered.

"Hello? Are you my date?" Strange start, but not an unprompted question to say the least. "Did Sarah set you up to this too?" I asked the boy on the other side of the phone, genuinely curious.

"Uh yeah, sorry, I don't know your name. I was only told last night that I was doing this." He said, so it wasn't just me that was confused.

"I'm (Name), what's your name?" He didn't recognise the name so that was good, at least he wasn't being embarrassed by someone he already knows.

"Benny, Benny Weir." He said with more confidence.

"Oh, the wizard, right?" As soon as I said this, his heart sank to the floor and any confidence he ever had before, drained from him in a second. When the phone was quiet for a moment too long, I decided to speak again.

"Don't worry, Sarah already told me about you being a wizard a while ago, and I know she's a vampire." I explained, hoping that he knew I was being sincere.

"Where abouts in the park do you want to meet up? I think there's this really cool willow tree nearby a coffee shop if you want to go there?"

"Yeah, that sounds good to me, I'll see you there." I said with a big smile across my face as I hung up the phone.

By the time I had gotten to the park, there was a few families there, a couple with their dog and a few older people sat on benches with bread or bouquets of flowers they had picked. Under the willow tree, there was a boy, sat with fluffy brown hair, a slightly crinkled jacket, a rainbow cat shirt, jeans, and converse... was this Benny?

He was pretty cute so I picked up all the courage and confidence I had and walked over to him. "Hey, are you Benny?" I asked when I got close enough to him.

Benny's head turned towards me in a moments notice, almost looking like it hurt with the pure velocity. A shaky but affirmative answer followed as he took me in for a moment. His expression read nervous so I sat down next to him and started to talk to him, slowly making him more comfortable by asking him what he liked and 'nerding' out with him about his interests.

Turns out, we shared a lot of things in common, and I could already feel myself looking at him in a different light, liking him more than I thought I would because of his charming smile that grew more with pretty much any passing moment, cheeks that go red, his eyes that could hold a thousand secrets if you asked him to. Just everything about him was adorable in one way or another.

He felt the same, slowly (but really not) falling more and more in love with everything about me with every new thing he learned. As I was picking myself up from laughing at a joke he made, he finally saw something that usually turned more people away.

"Oh my god, you have hearing aids?" He questioned, with an unusually happy tone, one that felt almost out of place to me.

"Yeah, I was born almost fully deaf in both ears, I can still hear without it in but it is very muffled, my family taught me sign language when I was younger in case I did ever go fully deaf and Sarah learnt it with me," I rambled on, now nervous as to what he would think of me or if he even cared.

"That's so cool!" He almost shouted, already asking me more questions about it.

After answering most of his questions, we got up to go the little café that had a library attached to it, having a quiet conversation while going through the comic section, quietly browsing with Benny while he talked about some of his favourite plot points and characters in the comics, while comparing it to some of the various tv shows and movies he's watched.

We sat down next to each other in a corner of the café and talked about ourselves and had a really good time. I could already tell I had fallen completely head over heels for him and I hoped he felt the same about me.

He did, he could practically feel the heart eyed, love struck, cartoonish face he was probably pulling while he was listening to me ramble on about some of my favourite characters but he didn't care, he thought I was so cool already and hoped I felt the same.

After it had gone 7pm, we decided to get up and leave the café, having already been there for a few hours, and walk each other home. As we walked, I decided to make a bold move and hold his hand, blaming it on the fact it was cold outside, at this he gave me his jacket that was already warm and smelt like him. It was soft, slightly clammy, probably from nerves and from being warm inside the café and coming outside. It fit my hand perfectly, like two jigsaw pieces being placed together.

As we made it to my house, we exchanged farewells and I went to take off his jacket to give back to him, he grabbed both sides of the jacket and pulled it back onto my shoulders, keeping them there and telling me to keep it. I made a split minute decision and pulled his face to my level while standing up a bit higher to reach him and kissed him. We both froze for a moment and I pulled away to apologise but he held my face close to his. Our eyes locked for just a moment before he pulled me back in for another kiss.

Unbeknownst to us, Sarah and Ethan had been sat in a bush near my house, taking pictures of us, almost celebrating the fact that we will both hopefully stop bugging them both about being single.

Just before we parted ways, we both agreed to go on another date soon I kissed his cheek before going inside my house, letting a slightly too loud excited squeal leave my lips. Benny heard me and realised what had just happened and held his cheek the entire way home, only letting go when he made it back to his house and sat down on his bed and started to watch videos on how to do sign language. We had messaged almost the entirety of the night until we both fell asleep, smiling with our phones in our hands, a message waiting to be sent on both of our chat boxes, 'I love you'.

[existentialsophism]

Ok so I’m gonna post this here bc my mom is giving me the silent treatment and it might hit (maybe idk it’s very long)

Neurodivergent Ramblings

I had so much shit as a kid like being told I was off topic and absent minded and wandering around the classroom and yet somehow nobody had me evaluated for anything???? You have a master’s in child development and you never saw this coming??? You fucking moron!!! I lost friends and my grades failed because of that. I had to figure out why I was so weird on my own while I was being constantly bullied and manipulated for being different. I learned to hate myself before I even learned how to socialize. I wasn’t physically abused but the mental strain of masking and trying to pay attention in classes was so draining I almost killed myself several times once I got to college. It’s made me wonder if life is even worth living. And now I find something that works and I’m not even guaranteed that I’ll be able to continue because I’m not a cishet upper middle class white boy who will perfectly slot into the diagnostic criteria. That and all my shit overlaps and is impossible to separate. And now that I know shit is wrong with me I can’t even fucking access the shit that makes it better. Oh you mean I need someone to professionally tell me I can’t focus in class?? I FUCKING KNEW THAT HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM YOU ASSHOLES?????? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVE THESE RESOURCES THAT I CAN’T EVEN USE BECAUSE A DOCTOR DIDN’T CERTIFY THAT I’M NOT LYING ABOUT BEING DISTRESSED BY THIS????? DO I FUCKING LOOK DISTRESSED ENOUGH TO YOU??? I’M FUCKING CRYING OVER THIS AND YOU THINK I’M LYING OR SOMETHING???? I get not distributing stimulants without a diagnosis, I get it. But if the thing helps, and you’re a doctor who can control its dispersal, why don’t you just do it anyway??? I’m not even guaranteed a diagnosis because even though I have all of the symptoms it’s apparently not good enough for a self-assessment which doesn’t take into account the fact I also have autism and those two overlap/cancel each other out, which means I’m not guaranteed to get the shit I know would allow me to function like a normal fucking person.

No wonder I’ve never been able to relax, that’s an adhd thing. Even during sex or something I can’t relax, every single action is intentional because I have 15 separate thoughts at once about whether or not I’m doing enough or what I could do to make the other girl feel good too or whatever. I hate it. I want to just turn my brain off and be puppy, but I can’t. I have the autistic inability to turn my brain off and the adhd inability to relax. And it’s exhausting. I get headaches a lot from the sheer mental effort it takes to be alive. I’ve been awake for an hour and I think I’ve done more thinking than the average person does in their whole week. How lovely it would be for my mind to be quiet. Or even just for me to be able to control it. I can’t control my own mind so I try to control everything else in my life and get distressed when I can’t. I usually try to channel it into helping my friends and the people I love but I’m bad at that so it doesn’t even work.

I never really struggled academically as a kid because class wasn’t that challenging and I was privileged enough to have had a really strong foundation. That allowed me to look like I was actually able to hang in school when really I was just good at taking tests and not much else. I constantly forgot homework and materials for class even with my mom reminding me and half packing all of my stuff for me, I’d forget about projects until the night before, I’d have trouble with little details in later math classes which resulted in me not doing as well as I could have, it’s all shit that is part of adhd that not a single person thought to tie back to it. Because apparently you can only have adhd if you’re struggling in school or some shit. The autistic ability to control my actions didn’t help either since I could just mask everything “abnormal” about myself for my own mental and physical safety, which further contributed to everyone around me thinking nothing was wrong, and now everyone thinks I’m just trying to be trendy or label totally normal neurotypical experiences. Somehow they think that my suffering is just for attention or something?? Why would I choose to be like this? I hate it! It’s a disability! Why would I choose to be disabled?? I don’t get why neurotypical people think they can bully kids for being weird and then tell them everything they’ve been bullied for their entire life is normal actually. Why am I being gaslit by the entire world?

[autisticempathydaemon]

im here for the redacted matches thingy if ur still doing them !!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? - turn the lights off by tally hall, specifically the lyric ‘everybody likes to get taken for turns, to see how bright the fire inside of us burns’ bc it scratches the right itch in my brain and reminds me of my horror obsessed friends 😋

What is your Enneagram type? - type 2 helper

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why? - i love wendigoons ones, especially his fnaf lore and vhs tape ones !

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend. - i used to be obsessed with the rainbow magic fairy books when i was younger and my favourite was heather the violet fairy so whenever i’d see anything purple i’d imagine she was with me

What is your go-to way to fall asleep? - listening to lana del rey, any redacted video or the new jersey rats

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?) - probably lilian, idrk why it’s just a really pretty name

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why? - regulus’s rewriting your memories video, it’s so creepy i love it

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) - DAVID. (also avior but i haven’t listened to any of his audios bc when i did i had a panic attack)

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to. - mean girls lmfao

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? - asher or huxley !!

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.) - usually my cats but my friends have said i started waffling about ash from fantastic mr fox then passed straight out more than once ??

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo. - unfortunately i am british so anyone i can find as long as it’s not on fire

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. - this 12 hour long playlist called pancakes (all of my playlists are named after breakfast foods) that has every song i’ve ever liked on it

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why? - audio roleplays bc it’s been my coping mechanism for so long i don’t remember why it started 😭🙏

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are! - erm im an ENFP i have ocd im a hello kitty girl im obsessed w melanie martinez and i have a weird obsession of the psychology behind yanderes :D

There are so many reasons, big and small, for this pairing, and that’s why I like it. Personalities need to match, of course, but also you and Milo and all your cats are gonna make such a cute, blended family.

Your personality types give me the vibe of an energetic, outgoing person- effusive, fun, and interesting which would make you such a good match for Milo who has a similar temperament. I factored your OCD and panic attacks in my choice since it’s canon Milo handles his partner’s anxiety and intrusive thoughts well. I also based my choice off your being a horror fan and British, because it’s so silly to pair that scaredy cat with horror fans, and I think y’all’s accents would be fun together- just so many reasons, like I said, big and small, for why I think y’all would be a cute match.

I can’t imagine a cozier home than the one you two will share. It’s so fun to imagine the process of the two of you getting used to each other’s cats and them getting used to each other. (Marie really has her work cut out for her when she cat-sits.) I can so clearly picture you watching a Wendigoon iceberg video and Milo walking in like “Jesus Christ, Sweetheart, this is how long?!” Also, Milo doesn’t really get Sanrio, but he gets you a little Hello Kitty something whenever he can, maybe one of those blind boxes he hears Angel talking about all the time~

Song:

If I lay here/ If I just lay here/ Would you lie with me and just forget the world?/ Forget what we're told/ Before we get too old/ Show me a garden that's bursting into life/ Let's waste time/ Chasing cars/ Around our heads

One, this is a perfect, classic, romantic song. If Milo doesn’t know all the words on his own volition, he knows all the words because his parents love it. Two, you could be an adorable shitstarter and use this as an opportunity to make a wolf, shifter, dog, chasing cars joke.

Runner-ups:

Huxley is a runner-up because his affectionate, soothing manner would be a really good match for a Type Two partner, especially one who might deal with anxious, compulsive behaviors. James, I like because I think he needs an Extrovert partner to get him out of his shell. Also, I think he’d really like your cats once he gets to know them.

note: thank you for waiting and submitting an entry 💜

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[seanettlles]

i wanna go home so bad but i still have hours of work left and then a trip to my parents' place so i'm posting this instead of working ✌️

(thanks @threefill for the distraction💜)

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore?

magnus bane/alec lightwood (yes i read the shadowhunters series don't @ me i was like 13 lmao)

Which ship would you consider your first one?

first serious ship that i actively read fics and such for would definitely be jesse mccree/hanzo shimada from overwatch

i miss og overwatch 😭😭😭 i played so much of it and it was so fun before the game went in a different direction

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

bruno madrigal/my encanto oc, milo castaño 💜 not that i ever. finished it or plan to post it anywhere, i had no plot in mind so it's very rambling and disjointed 😂 i really should write Something for them at some point lmao

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

magnus and alec again 😔 but after that def more mchanzo stuff, also a lot of genji shimada/zenyatta

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

my guys (gender neutral) i am perpetually exhausted as it is do you think i have the energy for arguing over barbies 😂😭 about the only "discourse" i get into is whining about the lack of Gay Bruno Content in dms lol (something something what do you mean i have to be the change i wanna see in the world)

Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently?

not that i can think of!!!

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

uhhhhhhhhh i don't. remember lmao, i read a lot of random kink fics from various fandoms and i don't know any of the characters bc encanto has none catered to me specifically and i Cannot post my own with milo and bruno bc 😳😳😳 no one is allowed to perceive that side of me, and people would likely recognize milo's character even if i changed up his name lmao

(maybe one day i'll just throw all my fucks out the window and post something. prolly not but who knows)

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

bruno/milo 😌✌️ and also bruno/milo/javi, as well as just milo/javi bc me and @sionnaach are Very Normal about our sons and shove them in 38496948272 different universes (our sons include bruno, we stole him from disney, he is Ours Now)

Is there any couple that, to this day, that you are extremely mad about not getting into?

nah

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they're kind of interesting?

hmmm not that i can think of 🤔

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

i don't think so 😂 hope not anyway???

What is your favourite crack ship?

bowser/luigi ✌️ i have a cute zine of them even

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

still mchanzo, nothing will top them most likely 😂 i was obsessed with them for years, there's still one fic i read during college and it hasn't updated since??? 2016????? but someday hopefully 🥺 i would love to read more of it, it was amazingly written (popcorn redemption by wyntera if anyone's interested ✌️)

What do most of your ships have in common?

gay gay homosexual gay

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

themes of dubious consent/gaslighting, that sort of... angsty genre of fics/shipping??? idk how to articulate it exactly 😅 i just like more fluffy couples, it's so weird to me when one character is like. abusive or manipulative under the guise of love and people eat that shit up (not a negative judgment, just not my scene and i can't personally wrap my head around the appeal)

if you read this far and wanna play, consider yourself tagged!!!!! i wanna hear about your ships!!!!!!!!! >:3c

[lunaryuwu]

❄️ 🌈 ☔️

❄️ Share a snippet from a WIP of your choosing.

He just knew Michael would come back.

The second he returned, he gave Jeremy a death glare(which he registered as an empty threat as per usual) and rambled on about how hurt he was-

“I’m sorry, really,” Jeremy cut in, still avoiding Michael’s eyes.

—Memory Leak Ch.6

🌈 Share something soft/fluffy from your WIP.

“Rain,” Jeremy said softly, staring at the window and the raindrops that made rhythmic tapping sounds on the window.

“Yeah. Rain.” Michael sat beside him, staring at the dark sky.

“Can I go out?”

“You’re not waterproof, Jeremy.”

Jeremy looked away from the window.

Michael felt a bit guilty. He couldn’t stand seeing Jeremy upset. But he wasn’t. He was a robot, an android, a computer programming. He doesn’t have feelings, as much as Michael tried to program it in. It was just imitating sadness. But when Michael looked into Jeremy’s mechanical blue eyes, he saw that same boy who would stare at him with wide, slightly glazed eyes that look like they would burst into tears soon.

“We can play apocalypse of the damned,” He suggested.

Jeremy paused. “Yeah.” Michael patted his shoulder and pulled him closer.

—Android AU

☔️ Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I’ve mentioned this before I think. It’s a richjake fwb to lovers thing but with a little twist

Rich and jake don’t know each other in this au. As in they’ve seen each other but never really talked. Jake stayed away from rich because he felt unnatural(bc he had a squip) and rich never really payed attention to jake

He was invited to the halloween party and just like in canon, he wanted to set a fire because the squip was driving him insane. Jake coincidentally found him and stopped him, not wanting his house to burn down and also thinking that rich was trying to kill himself(which technically he was)

Rich was drunk and genuine, and Jake thought it was weird. He was behaving differently. Like a whole different person. Rich didn’t want to get jake in trouble so he didn’t tell him about the squip and just made up a reason about why he was trying to set a fire. Jake called off the party early because he wanted to tend to rich and wanted to help him. They spent some time talking and playing video games before rich started sobering up, and the squip was back

His squip wanted to manipulate jake and get him squipped too but jake rejected and as they were fighting, he stepped on the pill and broke it, so he was safe. For now. Jake didn’t understand why rich was behaving like this all of a sudden. The squip still wants to squip jake so he keeps him close and they become friends, eventually getting on the bed one day and becoming friends with benefits

The squip tries to learn all of jake’s insecurities to manipulate him and rich tries to fight against the squip’s control to protect jake, even though they only knew each other fr for like. an hour or so.

And that’s pretty much all i got it’s a really underdeveloped idea and idk if I’ll continue it

[gffa]

Oh my word, thank you for such a lovely, detailed reply to my ask about comics???? I was expecting to be redirected to some links or blogs, which is ofc great too, but thanks so much for taking the time to type out and formulate all that for me?? I’ve never actually read a comic before so your first paragraph was a bit mind blowing (I had no idea comics worked like that, I thought each comic was like a chapter in the same book ahaha). I also had NO idea about the different eras but it already makes so much of what I’ve seen from the fandom make so much more sense, so thank you for that! (It’s reminds me, like, where people in history never bothered to write down stuff they thought was obvious bc it was obvious to them and then people came along and went ???, so following with this metaphor, thank you for making me “???” lol)

Anyways, sorry, super rambly ask, but thank you so much for taking the time and effort to reply so succinctly and also thoroughly, and also explaining what pieces of media are significant and why so… like seriously, that was so nice of you and I’m??? Ajahwjehrh??? Thank you sssm, once my exams are over I’m definitely gonna have a new media obsession :)

Aww, you're very welcome! I'm glad that I could help ease the way for you! As someone who started with Batman: The Animated Series and Batman Beyond as my first real understanding of these characters (cultural osmosis doesn't count!), it was kind of a hard leap into comics, trying to understand how all of this fit together. To be fair, I don't want to give the impression that there's no coherency in comics from one author to another--it's very clear that a lot of authors are big fans of other authors' runs or they're building on stuff that came before their own run, but I emphasize the lack of consistency between authors because you absolutely cannot rely on that consistency being there, even if it often happens. You cannot pick up a comic from 20 years ago and expect the story to be exactly the same, because it's constantly being retold--authors want to be able to tell flashback stories at multiple points in the timeline, like take Dick Grayson, that "Robin & Batman" series I recommended is a retelling of their early days, of how Dick came up with the Robin costume, and it changes things (like gave him pants this time around, which I'm fine with) and I love that we can get retellings, because now I get to choose if I want to read that one or one of the older ones! We get a lot of really fun new stories able to be told, updated versions that weren't written back in the 1940s with different social norms, and I think that helps keep the comics fresh and interesting! And you're not wrong that some comics are like a different chapter in a single book! That's what Star Wars comics are aiming to be (well, within their own three distinct continuities) or what a lot of non-mainline DC/Marvel comics are like. It's just the main shared world superhero comics are a constantly shifting landscape! (To be fair to fandom not talking about a lot of this, it's also because the different eras are HELLA complicated to talk about if you haven't been reading comics regularly and broadly for 20+ years, like I had a solid grip on things until I left, and now I've been back for five months and I'm STILL fuzzy on just what Dawn of DC even is. It's hard to talk about stuff when you have a fuzzy idea of something, enough to pick up a comic and read, but can't explain high level detail in a post that would take you an hour just to write out all the weird little connections that lead up to an event!) But also thank you for letting me know your level of familiarity with cultural osmosis and what you're interested in getting into! Often times it's hard to know, "Okay, do I have to explain the different Robins or has cultural osmosis taught you enough that we can skip straight to the finer details?" because I love writing out broader views of the characters, but I don't want to patronize someone who is just looking for recs for starting places when making the jump to comics! I want to drag you guys in, but sometimes that requires tailoring things a bit more to where a given person is at/how much they know/what they're specifically intrigued by! Give me more info and I won't shut up in trying to reel you in. :D

[davepetea]

((just ranting abt writing fanfics you can ignore me lmao. I'm just in a weird place atm but I'm feeling kinda passionate abt writing rn so I'm gonna vent

originally I wrote a lil of this in the tags but then decided to just chuck it under a readmore so people aren't subjected to it against their will. then it got really long.

I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this im just sorta venting to myself. it helps me get my thoughts sorted if I write them down. I can also look back through my #.vat file tag in a few years from now and hopefully be like "wow I'm doing so much better than THAT now", so if that's the case, hi future Vatta! I hope you're having a good day. and if you're not future me, then I still hope you're having a good day, I love you, and this is your chance to turn back bc my rants are boring and LONG

(not turning back yet? ok. your funeral)

so, I haven't been online much bc I've just been in a weird limbo lately and I'm really busy when I'm at home either sorting stuff out or, with my PDA, doing anything I can to avoid my responsibilities lmao

I've been rereading my Tokyo ghoul light novels (I only have Void and Days ? I think they're called), rewatching Zankyou no Terror, and Bungou Stray Dogs (plus the live action Beast film which was? hilarious but I don't think it was supposed to be), and just suffering lmao

(you're still here? wow. you need a hobby. jk. ily)

I've been locked out of the systems at work for a bit, but I still need to be there and wait for the IT ticket to be sorted, so I've gotta be at my desk, cant have my phone or anything, so instead of sitting there doing nothing, I've either been reading, doing codeword puzzles, or I've been writing up 'drafts' for potential fanfics.

in this year of our sufferer 2024. I've been writing up some self indulgent homestuck college AU lmao. I've written over 60 sides of a5, (not inc the inbetween sections where I wrote some stuff on the chromebook at home) some notes, some accidental first draft, bc I wanted something to take up the time. but my handwriting is terrible, I don't write fast enough for my brain, I have a lil dyslexia so the letters and words get jumbled sometimes, and I have this weird thing where I don't do spaces right. but I've been trying to upload it to Google docs with Bixby's photo text extraction. it's pretty good considering how bad my writing is, then I just need to go through and touch it up, the main issues are things like names, there's some letters I do weird like my v turns into an r, or every p it thinks is a capital, but overall. amazing how technology do that.

(see my long ass rambling isn't just confined to venting. I also pretend to write actual things. you can still leave you know. I'm not holding you hostage until you read all this. you have free will)

can't remember how I ended up back in fanfic hell but I read back through like all my old published fics (aside from the cringe ones I orphaned) and the writing isn't terrible. I don't think I actually finished any of them though, which really shows my true nature lmao,,, but I've picked up a few things on my writing style now. and I've got a few things I see other people do that I wanna avoid bc I personally don't like it, and it's mostly about balance, like using names too often/not enough, being too descriptive like All The Time and making the writing really nice, but not much happens in the story so you take like an hour to read each scene, vs not enough description so everything is happening but you don't really get a visual or a breather to appreciate what's happened so far. I've been working on finding my right balance, which is imo easier if you're writing fanfic bc first up you hardly ever have to describe the characters. if someone's reading it they already know who they are. and for scenes you can take some inspo from the source material. does the original work put alot of effort into setting a cool scene? if not, then you don't have to either! if it's 90% scenery then you've gotta do it too I don't make the rules

I'm losing steam now I'm so sleepy and I've gotta go to work in a bit ugh.

(bet you're sleepy reading this too huh. told you it'd be boring)

I've been thinking about trying out writing some BSD fics but on an anonym not linked to my main Ao3, bc the themes are doozys and I kinda just wanna have the freedom of anonymity. also I'm a baby and if someone publicly criticises my stuff without it being a requested critique then it makes me bleh (I've had a few comments in the past of just general negatives, not even constructive feedback, not that I asked for any anyway...), but the abilities are tricky to write for, so it's effort lol

anyway I'm gonna stop now ive gotta get ready for work

(if you actually read this then thanks for going on this emotion deep dive with me. tune in next week when we'll get back to my usual mental breakdown)