#which is weird for me because i know... one singular guy that could ask me out without me freaking out about it and i've known him for...

[omni-scient-pan-da]

So uhh continuing off of this post but separately because that one was getting kinda long and also the topic has slightly changed-

This is like... Gotta be the 10th time Tall Boy has come up to me to talk to me about something completely random

Maybe he's just really friendly? Maybe he does this to everyone? He's also the only person that consistently responds to my messages in the group chat which makes me feel appreciated

I sent out a thing talking about how I hope everyone got some rest and that we all had a great show tonight and Tall Boy responded like... Immediately as per usual

And then also came up to me at the post show dinner and started talking about random things

And then our choir director put us next to each other in choir so now I sit directly beside him and he'll make random small talk to me when I don't think we've ever said two sentences to each other before September

So uhhh yeah do with that information what you will because I sure as hell don't know what to do with it

[kaq3yma]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑 ft yamato endo

syn: could he a be a good judge of character after all?

⸻ contains: slight yandere tendencies, reader is mentioned to be a cashier, and languages.

qeena's brief note: yippieeeee finally wrapped up my endo fic AND slightly yandere endo (๑-﹏-๑) wowzwowzzz but honestly idk how i feel about this um whether i like it or not BUT i dont hate it rofl anyway no long note this time, im keeping it "brief" (๑>؂•̀๑) so lemme know what you guys think of this, thank you, i love you, reblogs and comments are very much appreciated and happy reading xoxo 🩷💚

It's that one time, that one time he walk around amidst of the night trying to find an open store to buy fireworks for Takiishi. He stop in his trance, gaze swept away by a solitary store stood out among the dimly light streets. His feet brought him almost leisurely to the front door and that's when he saw you, working through the racks to fill up stocks.

When he pushes the door open, the automatic bell chime and you turn around "Welcome..." The corner of his eyes crease as he smile at you "Hey, do you guys have any fireworks in 'ere?" Yeah, it's not everyday a weird looking guy with weird tattoos litter across his body come in the middle of the night asking for fireworks "Yeah, sure..." He follows you to the farthest corner of the store where you kept them "Is there anything else?" The man turn to you, shaking his head "That'll be all,"

You rushes back to the counter, patiently waiting for him to come back and pay "Y/n..." Your eyes widen, and as you look up, you're surprised to see him leaning down to your face very closely. His eyes concentrated on your tag. You ring every bit of his items as quickly as you could "That'll be 507¥." He huff, taking the bag from you and leave.

You really thought it'll be the last time you see him...

But no, the weird man keep coming back, not to buy fireworks or anything, just to loiter around and pester you with your works and because it's in the middle of the night, there's barely any customers in the store which leave you not to only listen to his constant yapping but to reluctantly accompany him as well "Don't you have anything else to do?" He point at the cup of noodle he site on the table "Besides eating?" You groaned, shaking your head "No. Besides bothering me." He snickers, taking a noisy slurp of his noodle "I do. Following Takiishi around."

You look at him, confused but you dismissed the thought straight away "Whatever, I'm going back to work, if you're finish eating, leave." He pout, putting down the utensils he's using "You're mean. I'm a customer, y'know?" You sway your head at him "You make me pay for you everytime, you fool." He breaks into a fit of laughter, watching you mad is so hilarious.

The next night, he strides to the familiar route of your shop, face bruised and nose trickled with stained blood. The prior incident flashes in his mind once again.

He was with Takiishi like usual, tailing behind the poker-faced male wherever he go without question. The duo browse a town with its street swarming with delinquents and thugs. Endo didn't mind and he's sure as hell Takiishi didn't mind it either but when one of the men purposefully pick a fight with Takiishi, Endo decided to step up for him instead and he got a harsh blow from Takiishi "Don't intervene." Another blow, his face spotted with sheepish smile and blood smearing out every cuts as Takiishi continue to beat the tattooed male.

"Why am I going to her, anyway?" He didn't understand why his feet brought him to you. He knew what you're like, indiffirent and without a doubt, he can guarantee you couldn't care less about the bruises on his face, so why is he here? In front of your work place, damaged face grinning without a thought. He opens the door, greeting you with that same crazed smile.

"Welcome...!" Your eyes widen upon seeing the state he's in "What the fuck happened to you?" He chortle, bringing one hand to touch a singular cut on his face which causes him to wince terribly "... That hurts." He couldn't properly registered what was happening until you pull him to a nearby table and sat him down "Of course, it hurts, you prick. You leave the wounds untended!" He watch you move around the store, going to the back room and came back with a first aid kit "You're so careless..." You sighed, lift the lid of the box and start tending him.

A deep gash across his cheek, several cuts and scratches covering his forehead and temple, nose trickled in crimson and eyes almost swollen "Just what the hell did you get yourself into..." You graze alcoholic pad across the wound to clean it, damping ointment gently over the cuts and scratches and finally, you put one last bandaid below his eye, on the apple of his cheek "All done."

Your eyes flutter forward to him, only then did you realized just how close you both are. Your eyes expanded and you almost fall back in shock but he caught you, rolling into laughter "Why are you red?" There's that, that hint of mockery lacing in his undertone "Shut up, asshole. You didn't even thank me for stitching you up." You look away from him, well, he wanted to tease you some more by how red and incredibly cute you look at this moment but uncharacteristically, he stayed quiet.

"Thanks," You look up, awkwardly coughed out fake coughs "D-Don't mention it, just buy me something next time." You pick up the first aid kit and leave back to the cashier.

He leave the store, heart pounding within its cage, he can feel himself shuddering to the bone at the slightest remembrance of you. Yes, he likes you, he think he wants to make you his, he think you are so perfect... Don't tell Takiishi but, now, you're his number one.

And yes, he indeed still is a bad judge of character.

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 is open. all rights reserved goes to @kaq3yma on tumblr.

[athena-studios]

ָ࣪ ����⋆.ָ࣪ 𓏲⋆.ָ࣪ 𓏲⋆.

treasure.

Simon Riley + preteen!daughter

tw: none(?)

a/n: im basically writing what i wanna read. honorary mention to @chaosandmarigolds for giving a bit o' help:) pretty long, don't know how many words but probably around 1k?

this idea has been in my head for AGES now, so glad i finally wrote it💗

Simon's girlfriend died. the 141 knew that. his girlfriend died that night along with the rest of his family. except for his one singular gem that he treasures the most. you, his daughter that the killers that night did not see nor hear because you were at the neighbor's house. that was when you were 5 years old, since then, Simon has done everything in his power to protect you. even as far as not telling anyone but Laswell about you.

you're now 12 years old. having gone through alot already, you're more mature and sassy than most of your peers. which leads you to this situation...

you were on the couch with your laptop open when you hear a knock. you walk to the door and open it to be greeted with three bulky men, one looking seemingly older than the other two.

the one on the middle has a...Fishers hat? he also has a beard, which is, what you assume, makes him appear older. "this dude could be a grandpa..." you thought.

the one to your left has a weird mohawk. yeah, thats all you can say about him. the one on the other side looks more tolerable, but his cap does wanna make you laugh your ass in front of him for it.

"Hi, who are you?" the grandp— the one in the middle asks. "I'm sorry, shouldn't i be asking you that? there are three, large, bulky men on my doorstep. none of which who are familiar to me." you replied, in your sassy voice, ofcourse.

your dad told you not to talk to strangers, they're strangers, aren't they?

"sorry—I'm Johnny, but i prefer to be called soap. this is John and Kyle. now can we know what yer name is, bonnie?" Johnny speaks up. you scoff. "fine. its y/n. y/n riley. that's all I'm telling you. and what the hell kinda name is soap?"

at that, the three of them glance at eachother in both shock and confusion. "what?" you ask. "your last name's Riley?" Gaz asks. "yeah, what about it?" you cross your arms, getting slightly defensive.

behind their back, you see your dad's truck pull up the driveway, the three men in front of you also noticing. you speed-walk to your dad and point to the three men. "Dad, these guys are tryin' to kidnap me." you say nonchalantly. he looks behind you and sees his captain and his two sergeants. "honey, they weren't tryna kidnap you. those guys are my teammates." he says as he walks to the trunk of the car and hands you two grocery bags. "now, bring these inside and I'll talk to 'em. 'kay?" he pats you head as you nod, walking back to the house.

"so, simon. when were ya gon' tell us ye got a daughter?" soap's scottish accent rings out. they glance at simon's balaclava-less face, because they don't usually see him without that damn balaclava, but also because they await a response from him. "to keep her safe...only Laswell knows abou' her. she's the only thing i have left. my treasure." simon clears his throat to ease the silence. "so, why are you guys 'ere anyway?" simon asks.

"i actually came here to ask for advice, and then i saw soap already standing at your door, saying something about a teatime catch-up? but anyway, he called price over, faking that your pipe was broken. and when he came up, we knocked on your door and y/n answered it." as gaz finishes his explanation, you walk back out the door. "so...are you all gonna come in or not? because i didn't stop binge watching heartstopper on netflix for nothing." you say as you chew on a french fry Simon had got for you, per your request.

they all walk in, and take a seat on the couch, Simon quickly preparing drinks for them. as Simon takes a seat next to you, Price speaks up. "so y/n, how old are you?"

"I'm 12." you answer blatantly. "y/n, be nice." your dad whispers to you. "you got any hobbies?" Soap tries to make conversation.

you playfully glare at your dad before answering soap. "i like to play the guitar, i like to paint, and crochet sometimes." you answer again, trying to put a less boring tone to your voice.

it goes like this for a few minutes, everyone just exchanging laughs and conversation. maybe they're not so bad after all...

[covesdadappreciation]

Howdy! Just started following your blog and I really like what you've got! If you're taking requests, could we get one of Tamarack being taken to prom by MC? Bonus points for jealous Qiu because I'ma slut for angst. I just wanna see Tam-Tam being treated like a queen.

Prom Night!

Tamarack x Male Reader (FTM Safe!) Author's note: This is literally just fluff, Barely angst (if you squint), just a reference to Qiu holding back <3 1518 words

Tamarack had opened the door after hearing a quick singular doorbell ring,

“That’s weird” she muttered, opening the door to find nobody. She looks down and finds a paper airplane, picking it up and reading whatever’s in it. It read: ”Meet me at the bridge - your favorite person in the world (PS, you might wanna get a little dressed up for this)”

——————

Once Tamarack gets on the bridge, there’s a strange path of flowers that head further into the forest. She furrows her brows, hesitant at first before following through. 

Though nothing could’ve prepared her for what she would see. 

MC was on a picnic blanket, readjusting the position of a bouquet he had set next to him, too anxious in making everything perfect to even notice Tamarack standing only a couple steps away. Even Tamarack was speechless, tears in her eyes over how cute this was. MC in formal clothes, a bouquet with brown paper wrap, fig cookies and raspberries in separate containers set next to one another, and a flower crown (made the way Tamarack had taught him when they were ten).

“Tammy!” MC exclaimed, surprised that he hadn’t noticed Tamarack before, “are you okay?” his smile drops at the notice of Tamarack’s teary eyes. “Yes, I’m fine!” she takes a deep shaky breath, “This is just really cute.”

“Oh my god,” MC quickly gets up and rushes over to Tamarack, hugging her tightly, “You’re such a goober.”

“You’re the one that set up this magical picnic” Tamarack huffs, “what’s this even for?”

MC’s eyes widen as if he almost forgot what he invited Tamarack here for, quickly letting go of the embrace he had on her, “I wanted to, I was wondering-” MC takes a deep breath, as if trying to compose himself and find his words, which Tamarack giggled to. Giggled.

“Will you go to prom with me?” He asked, “as a date?”

There was a small pause between the two, only the sound of the wood’s autumn leaves blowing and bird’s chirping could be heard before Tamarack finally breaks it with a loud, 

“Yes?! Of course I will!” She exclaimed, wide grin on her face, “I mean, I didn’t even know if you’d want to go with me, or if you even liked me like that, and then with everything happening to me in band and school, everything just seemed-”

She realized she started rambling before pursing her lips into a lined smile, holding back any more excited rants. She took MC’s hand, before pulling him into another long hug. 

...

”This is nice, but I kind of want one of those fig cookies right now” she mumbled softly into the hug, “Me too, Tammy. Me too” MC sighed.

——————

It was prom night, MC was in the Baumann household, happily waiting downstairs with Opa while Oma and Tamarack were upstairs. MC knew that Tamarack always loved a grand entrance. Even when they were just kids, Tammy always knew how to make a moment magical by just entering a room.

Opa smiled softly at MC, seeing just how excited he was to be there for Tamarack. He knows that MC would do anything for her. He knows MC would never hurt her. Opa’s pretty sure that if it were any other guy, he’d have his suspicions. Finally, Oma came down the steps, quickly picking up the camera she had set up, ready to take pictures of her granddaughter. 

And like always, her grand entrance was a success. The ribbon in her hair, the pink prom dress that fit her perfectly in every angle, her confidence in herself– it made her breathtaking. 

Tamarack’s smile plastered on her face as she rushed over to MC, “You look amazing!” she chimes happily, looking over him in awe. MC smiles at the praise, “Are you kidding? I’m practically in a t-shirt compared to you! I’m going to prom with the prettiest girl.” Tamarack’s cheeks and nose changed to a pink hue, using her hand to hide her laugh.

Though the moment was cut short at the sound of a car honk, “Okay okay you lovebirds, MC’s mother is outside. MC, I trust you to be responsible with Tamarack and to get her home in one peice,” She hums before walking up to Tamarack and cupping Tamarack’s face and kissing her forehead, “and you have fun tonight.”

Opa smiled and nodded, as if giving that same affection just telepathically. 

Tamarack nodded excitedly, holding MC’s hand as they walked outside “I will Oma! Love you guys!”

“We’re gonna be so responsible!” MC announced, “Quick, Tamarack, get the booze” he whispered jokingly, making Tamarack playfully smack his arm. 

——————

They arrived at the prom destination, a barn only a 30 minute drive from where they lived. It was mainly used as a wedding venue, and tonight, the school had gone all out. The fairy lights, the well set decor, the music in the distance, and the crowd of upper grade teenagers enjoying it to the fullest. 

Tamarack was practically bursting with excitement, looking over at MC over how pretty the place is, and how excited she is to be there with him, and to tell him how pretty he looks again, and how she’s probably going to explode if they don’t get in that barn right then and there. MC turned to her, running a finger over a loose strand of hair, pushing it back behind her ear

“Exciting right?” MC smiled,

“This is like the best night ever, MC, you don’t even know! I mean, look at it! Look at you! This is–” Tamarack threw her hands into her face and drew out a muffled groan, “Oh my god”

“You wanna kiss me so bad” MC teased, 

“If you’re lucky, we might” Tamarack snapped back before taking MC’s hand and pulling him and running with him towards the barn.

As soon as they showed their tickets, they heard their friends who were already there. Qiu, Ren, Vianca, and Serenity grouped together, each of them well-groomed and in their own formal outfits. 

“MC! Tamarack!” Vianca smiles, waving them over. 

Ren gives a small smile, Qiu looks at the two, also excited to see their best friends, though there’s a look of uncertainty that Qiu passes between the two. Serenity rushes up to Tamarack, giving her a tight hug, “You look amazing Tam!” 

Vianca looks over at MC, having known MC’s plan from a private conversation, “So did you ask her?” she whispered

MC confirms, “We’re here on a date”

Vianca pumps her fist in victory, “I told you she’d accept!”

Qiu furrowed their brows with a confused grin, “Wait, you two?..” They don’t finish their sentence, letting it sit in the air for a second. MC nods, “Yep! I asked her a couple weeks ago, I just didn’t wanna tell a lot of people the plan in case it didn’t go through” he chuckled almost awkwardly. 

“Oh, that’s..” Qiu hummed, their hand in their pocket fiddling slightly as if they were hiding something in it before composing themself with a sharp inhale, “That’s good! Great! I’m really excited for you guys.” 

Ren chimed in, throwing an arm over Qiu’s shoulders “They’re opening the snack bar finally, do you guys wanna go check that out?” 

“Actually, I think MC and I are gonna keep adventuring, we can meet up with you guys later?” Tamarack throws a subtle glance over at MC as if asking if that was okay with him too. MC nods, and the group disbanded again.

Tamarack and MC walk around the bar, saying hi to the occasional friend, playfully dancing at the songs they do like. About 2 hours in, and they were finally tiring themselves out. MC and Tamarack headed out to the back of the barn, laughing and breathing a little heavier at the amount of moving around they’ve been doing. 

With the music quieter out there, the faint lighting from the fairy lights and the moon, MC and Tamarack looked out at the plain view of the barn’s land. 

“This. This may have been the best night I’ve ever had in my life” She sighed happily,

“Then it’s good we spent it together” MC replied, holding Tamarack’s pinky crossed with his. 

A moment of silence fell between them, taking in the great day they’ve had.

“...I think I know one way on how we can end this night to truly sell it as the best night ever” she said quietly, making MC turn to look at her. 

Tamarack had a nervously giddy look on her face before shrugging, “We could… kiss?”

“Oh? So I’m lucky today then?” 

“Shut up” Tamarack chuckled, “So?”

MC smiled, taking her hand before giving her a small slow peck on the lips, but not moving his body away. It was like a test run on knowing if the first little kiss was okay. When Tamarack didn’t pull away either, instead only earning a tiny giggle from her, MC leaned in again, this time not pulling away from the kiss. 

Tamarack ran her hand through MC’s hair gently as they kissed, their eyes closed, before Tamarack hesitantly pulled away.

“Yeah. That sold it” Tamarack muttered softly, “Thank you for tonight, MC” 

“Anything for you, Tammy”

[jacobsbigmelons]

Also...face sitting with jacob 🤭 like him whimpering and whining because readers tongue just feels so fucking good

Midnight fun

Jacob Custos x Male reader

cw: nsfw, face sitting, face riding, handjob, masturbation and my bad execution of these fics by always starting out in the cabins 💀

i love seeing jocks like jacob being the ones who are eaten out, go fuck a top rn

Jacob was scratching at his underwear as he was trying to get comfortable underneath his sheets, his crop top dangling off the side of the bed frame about to fall to the floor if he keeps moving around. Though the sound of a singular drop of liquid in the quiet cabin made him perk up for a split second before trying to get back to sleep.

You spat out a drop of saliva into your hand as you began to stroke your cock quickly trying to imagine any kind of explicit imagery in your brain though due to Mr.H taking all of the councilors phones you haven’t been able to get off as easily as you used to unless you spent some time with Jacob of course.

At this point Jacob was just staring up at the ceiling as the sounds of a sort of sloppy wet noise began to come from underneath him, he furrowed his brow as he felt his cheeks heat up a bit as the bulge in his pants only got bigger. He opened his mouth as if to speak. “Yo dude…are you…getting off right now?”

His voice caught you off guard and quite frankly kinda freaked you out as your heart raced a bit, eyebrows shot up just a second as your hard on began to go soft pretty quick. After all your friend…with benefits? just caught you going at it. “Shit- uh…my bad, look I can go somewhere else to finish.” You said with a quiver to your voice, looking up to the wooden boards holding up the mattress above you.

“Dude, I fucked you like not even a whole 24 hours ago. If you gotta bust do your thing man.” Jacob stated so nonchalantly but at the same time he did have a point, you guys fucked early in the morning so it shouldn’t be weird if you were to merely jerk off in his presence. “Could I ask a favor?” you said as Jacobs crop top finally made its way to the wooden floor.

“What’s up?” A curious tone laced Jacobs words as his mind was predicting the question might be related to helping you out somehow. “Could you come down? Maybe help me out a bit?” You shrugged slightly as if Jacob was able to see you despite not even being down there. Silence filled the room for a few seconds before the sound of Jacob getting up made the wooden boards holding his bed up squeak a bit as his foot made its way to the wooden ladder. You were pleased with the sight despite the lack of light available to you except for a few of the outside lights illuminating the place as well as the moonlight.

“Alright what’re we doing? Bj? Missionary? Sneaking out? Maybe 69’in-“ “Jacob!” Jacob quieted down as he heard you raise your voice despite you trying to call out to him about 3 other times but he just kept talking. “I was wondering…if we could do some face…riding…sitting? Face stuff let’s go with that.” You said questioning your request, hopefully Jacob was able to keep all that you said in that brawny noggin of his.

“Oh hell yeah dude, so what you sit on me and i just kinda eat you out or…?” He said as he took a seat next to you, his hand already rubbing your thigh as a way to get you hard again which was definitely working despite him not even knowing your soft. “About that…I wanted you to be the one on me.” You softly stated, bracing yourself for the possible rejection, you wouldn’t mind if you were the one being on top of him but you’ve had this on your mind for awhile so why not try it.

“O-oh…me? Uh…I mean, sure yeah let’s- let’s do it” Jacob was clearly nervous a bit, he scratched the back of his neck which definitely gave it away. “We don’t have to if-“ You were cut off by his hands yanking you by your waist just enough to get face to face with him as he kissed you very unprofessionally and may have accidentally dinked noses just a bit due to the lack of light but he had to make it known he didn’t mind.

“It’ll be new to me but that doesn’t mean we can’t try it” Jacob said with a playful tone, the light barely reflecting off the shine from his teeth. “Alright, nice um so just…” you laid onto your back once again as you maneuvered Jacob closer to you, his legs climbing onto your mattress as you felt him turn around, the sound of his boxers being pulled off. “Just go ahead and sit, this face is all yours.”

You said with a grin on your face as you backed Jacob more and more closer to you, he was definitely a bit hesitant as he was right in front of you, ass to face as you slowly pulled him down. He cooperated but you felt him shift some of the weight to his legs. “Why aren’t you putting all your weight on me?” You softly asked not to make him feel bad “I don’t wanna hurt you is all, I weigh a lot with all this muscle.” He giggled at the end as you shifted your face out from under him for just a second “I want you to put all that weight on me, I can take it. Trust” you said in a way Jacob could tell you were smiling despite not seeing you.

You repositioned yourself as you pulled him down slowly again as you felt a lot more weight be put atop of you as you made a satisfactory grunt, your tongue now rapidly moving around his hole and the area. Jacob cursed out quietly as the sudden pleasurable feeling surrounded his body and made him feel warm all around. He put one hand in between the crevice of the wood and mattress above him and the other on the wall next to you just to keep himself steady as you kept going.

Your arms wrapped around his waist as you practically had him held down on top of you as your tongue massaged around and inside his hole “mmmhmm” your muffled moans gave Jacob the slight reassurance he needed to know you enjoyed what you were doing. “Fffuck dude your tongue feels so good” Jacob heaved as his hand in the wooden crevice moved to your dick. You didn’t expect him to make a move like that which made you pause which in that case you decided to slightly push Jacob up a bit just to take a breath. “God your ass is amazing, you gotta let me play with it more” you said getting as much air as you could before putting him back down onto you.

Both of you were doing your own thing, it was hard to focus as you so badly wanted to thrust into Jacobs hand and it was hard for Jacob not to cum right then and there. You began to move his hips back and forth, your tongue slid around as his ass moved around your face, Jacobs quiet whimpers became more apparent the more you did that which only made you wanna go harder somehow. You added your teeth as you began to bite around his ass whether it be one of his cheeks or around the hole itself. A mix of slight pain and pleasure only made it better.

It was obvious you both were at the point of cumming, Jacob could only whine whenever you bit or licked and as he stroked you the more you moaned which only caused vibrations which made the feeling for him even better. You couldn’t stop especially when you moved him where your nose could actually receive air so you were on autopilot. You wanted him to do badly cum but at the same time you couldn’t help but feel a sense of domination over him since you were the one guiding him after all. You stopped moving him around as you stopping tongue fucking his hole which made him stop as well. “W-why…why’d you stop?!” His whiny tone was a tune to hear as his whimpers and whiny breaths made it clear he was desperate to finish, almost as if he was right there. “Cmon babe please? I was just about to blow my load…” Jacob whined out as he creased his lips, the small giggle you let out not helping the situation.

“Say it again.” You stated, “oh my fucking god…please please please just- just keep going dude.” Jacob pleaded, if he could he would probably even get on his knees and beg and as hot as a sight like that would be you also were super close to finishing so you might as well humor him and totally not continue to finish yourself off too. You wrapped your arms once again around his waist as you pushed him down onto you as your tongue felt even more euphoric than before.

“Ohh-ho-hah..ho oh my fucking god for fucks sake i’m- oh fuck i’m gonna fucking cum-!“ Jacob moved his left hand from the wall onto his cock as he jerked it just as quick as he was with yours in his right hand. “mmM- fffkkk!” You moaned as loud as you could though Jacobs ass practically muffled it as you felt yourself nut which shot all across your stomach and a bit on Jacobs thighs. Though that didn’t stop you from going on his ass with what energy you got left, your nails now gripping sharply into his torso area as you moved your head quicker and quicker until Jacob was a moaning and utter mess and you felt like you were gonna crash.

“Jesusdude i-im fucking sensitive- a-oh-ho-hhh” Jacob ended his sentence with a long breath of pleasure as you finally nudged him off of you as he made his way to the edge of the bed, heavy breathing following as you sat up next to him copying his breathing. “W-was that okay?” you said, sweat now covering your top half as the moonlight reflected a lot more of that. “That was fucking awesome babe, shouldn’t have doubted your…well experienced tongue” Jacob took a second to think of what to say as he picked his boxers up again, as you stood up to put yours back on as well.

Jacob sat back down as you did the same, his arms wrapping themselves around your neck as you two kissed for what felt like a small infinity. Though Jacob pulling away only to climb back onto his bed gave you both the opportunity to think about what tomorrow has in store for you both.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c13. I found a mountain.

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs.

song to listen to when reading this: Pulaski at night, Andrew Bird.

abstract: Simon. it was alright. it's nothing, I'm not impressed. really, reading this back, I don't know what got to me, I don't know I wasn't even thinking. pretend this is not me, pretend is someone else I swear I don't think this actually happened. Alba's lying as usual. I'm out.

Her eyes lit up. A kid on Christmas morning. 'Really, you wanna know?' she asked, straitening her back. He imitated her, sitting back on the chair and crossing his arms. That position made him look huge and intimidating. She felt her lips curl into a smile. His annoyance with her amused her. 'Tell me what you found', he said, his voice deep and warm. It was the hottest thing she had ever heard in her entire life. He was even more handsome and attractive now. Tell me about your investigation? Tell me about what you found out from your hours of researching like a fucking FBI agent? Dirty talk. Her smile grew wider.

She fixed her posture. 'Okay, so… You remember the stages of the journey in the book? The first one is the River in Jordan, which let's say you guys have already covered.' She kept her tone low, she was secretive. 'The second challenge is a long trip through the desert. When they reach the exact middle of the desert the main character has a revelation or some shit, but it happens right in the middle of the desert.' She stopped because the food had arrived. She took a bite if her burger and wiped her mouth with her napkin before continuing. He was mesmerised by her. 'Sorry, I'm starving… anyways, I went on Google Earth. I measured the distance between Al-Jareena and the closest city to the Persian Gulf, it's 1765 kilometres.' She quickly realised she gave away a crucial information about herself and she hoped he didn't notice. He did. Got you, European. Fuck it I don't care, she thought and took another bite before continuing. He didn't start eating yet. 'I looked right in the middle, 882 kilometres and a half.' she stopped and smiled again. She waited for a few seconds, a pause to build suspace.

'I found a fucking mountain.' She let the words linger in the air. 'And…?' he asked, wanting her to keep going. She had a theatrical way of speaking, probably because she had a eureka moment at her apartment alone, and she wanted to share her excitement. 'I found a fucking mountain, better, it's a crater, look.' She got out her phone from her pocket, opened Google Earth on her phone and looked through the app. The screen illuminated her eyes, making them seem white and light green and made of crystal water. When she found what she was looking for, she passed him the phone. 'It's not labelled, probably not geolocalized. These craters form when volcanoes essentially cool down and collapse on themselves, they can be very deep, they can have water inside. They're all over the world, America, Egypt, Russia… This one is 4 kilometres wide.' He looked at the image of the little dot on the map, a singular circle in the middle of nowhere. 'What's weird is that the closest city is more than 10 kilometres away, it looks like the outer part is quite high, making the centre more secluded,' she clicked the 3D option on the phone, 'and there's something inside.' He looked at her, then back at the phone. He zoomed in, trying to get to the middle of the circle. He could see something, he could't say they were houses. He could see construction for sure, he counted seven buildings. 'I looked through the years to see if they were old. In the images from 2019 there was nothing there. Nothing, there was grass. It were updated again in 2021, nothing again. It was last updated about 90 days ago, that's when the buildings start to appear.' She took another bite, eyes still fixated on his. He was looking at her with her phone in one hand, burger in front of him, his head racing. When she said she had something to say he didn't think about this for sure. The Alba Crater.

'Simon, eat', she said softly and he felt that if he was standing up he would have fainted. His name didn't belong to him when she pronounced it. Not with that tone, that caring tone. He put down the phone without saying a word and peeled his mask over his mouth. It was the first time she saw his lips. A long scar on the left side. It looked like he had more on his jaw and neck. No beard. They ate in silence for a few minutes. She tried to look everywhere but his face, she sensed it made him uncomfortable. She finished before him, she was going to get a stomachache from eating so fast. She waited for him to finish, wipe his mouth and roll his mask back down before looking up again. He noticed she kept her eyes on her plate. He wanted to thank her for being understanding and, at the same time, felt fucking stupid for wearing that mask all the time. Why could't he just be fucking normal for once? He pushed back the thought and focused back on her.

'You're saying this crater is being used as a hiding spot for Khorram.' She nodded, so he continued. 'They started building a sort of little village, the place is secluded, no one really knows about it…' Except you, Alba. 'Yes, the cities are far, there are nearly no roads close by, and I don't think it's a coincidence the building appeared barely a month after your mission was announced. It's in the middle of nowhere...' He sighed. It sure made sense, it was a good story. He didn't understand why she kept having all that information to give them. Because she was good at doing research, and it made him furious. Did he want to tell Price with the risk of making him waste time on a stupid mountain? Was it all just in Alba's fantasy? 'It could be a coincidence…' he reflected and she jumped in. 'It's still something! You have no idea where he is, don't you?' She noticed she raised her tone a little too much and calmed down. 'When Arash gave me that book he looked like he had just met God, for fuck's sake. What if he's following the steps of the book, what if Khorram is inside the crater?' She kept pushing. 'What about the Persian Gulf then?' he asked 'The story is supposed to finish there.'

She bit her lower lip and let her eyes wonder around for a few seconds, lost in thought. She hadn't thought about that, to be honest. It made her insecure about her whole research now… He was right though. 'When do you leave?' she asked. 'Three days.' He sensed the air getting tense between them. Or rather, sad. She fixed a strand of hair behind her ear, 'I have to go walk my dog', she explained, he was already putting on his jacket. He got distracted for a second, for a single second. The waitress appeared next to them and Alba handed her card with a smile. 'Wait…' he tried to protest. She raised her eyebrows 'What?' she asked. She knew exactly what he was thinking, because, well, men. She was disappointed to see he was almost more impressed by the fact she payed than by her research on the crater. 'I would have paid', he said with embarrassment in his voice, and she chucked. 'No, I invited you, I'm paying.'

Truth is, where she was from, paying for meals and offering food was a form of hospitality. Plus, she never did anything fun. He tried to repress internal panic, seeing her buy him food. He wasn't used to it, at all. It made him feel weird, a state he could't describe. Vulnerability maybe. It was stupid, this whole night was fucking pointless. She was silent in the car, he took her back to the ballet school, she had her Polo there. 'Thank you for paying, you shouldn't have', hearing him say that made her smile again. 'You'll pay next time, let it go.' She replied without even looking at him. Her words were rose petals, she brushed it off like it meant nothing. Next time? The fuck do you mean next time? Stop fucking playing with me I am not your fucking friend, he wanted to scream. He couldn't. She was funny, he had to admit. I am leaving in three days I might even fucking die in Jordan and you're saying there will be a next time? If I survive, count me in, I guess, or don't, cause I'm not your friend.

While Simon could not process an answer, Alba knew exactly what she was doing. She liked putting people in difficult situations, she did therapy to deeply damaged army soldiers for a living. He was different from every guy she had ever met. It was nice to talk to someone different, to have interactions and see how people's minds processed. She had always had a love - hate relationship with men in general. Where she was from, boys only ever showed her affection through violence, control and manipulation. Dating was part of deals, part of negotiations. Women were prizes, she had belonged to someone in particular for a few years. I don't use the word belong lightly, she really had been a possession. She hated the Brits she met at university, loud, messy, always drunk and just disgusting as a whole. He was the exception. He wasn't loud. He talked to her softly. Maybe because he was older, he had to be at least 30. He blushed when she talked. He was probably panicking right now and she kinda liked it.

'You shouldn't walk your dog at night, it's dangerous.' He said, and she stopped in her tracks. 'I'll be careful', she said, ready to turn around.

'I'll meet you outside your place.' He drove away before she could say anything and she looked at him go away in pure shock. Her mouth open and eyes wide, what the fuck? She got in the car, turned the engine on. She sent a voice message while reversing to drive away.

'Oi Salvo…indovina con chi ho cenato stasera.'

notes: the crater story is inspired by a true weird crater found on Google Earth with a proper village inside. I changed the distances and some other details. also, what the fuck is a kilometre?? translation: 'Oi Salvo, guess who I had dinner with.'

taglist:

@ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 3

Chapter 3 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Eddie tries to be home, but it is difficult. He and Shannon are trying to figure stuff out and he’s becoming more comfortable with the idea of Evan maybe one day becoming Chris’s stepparent if things between him and Shannon get serious. Then Shannon leaves and Eddie is forced to meet Evan for the first time.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slowburn), Buck x Shannon (temporarily).

Warnings: ableism, emotionally abusive parents, internalized misogyny, insecurity, child abandonment

~~~

Chapter 3: Two Worlds Colliding

Eddie has been back in town for two months and Evan hasn’t seen a singular sign of him. Not that he expected to see him, but it’s still weird.

He half expects him to turn up the day after Shannon came by, since she said she was going by the next day to pick up Chris to go to his PT. Maybe it’s egotistical to think he’d be mentioned immediately, but he knows that the ex-in-laws heard about him talking to Shannon and that they have opinions about it. Shannon complained all about it. So, it isn’t too far fetched that Eddie will hear and have opinions too. Opinions that he’ll show like a soldier.

However, Eddie doesn’t come. Weeks pass and Evan doesn’t see or hear from him. He doesn’t know whether he’s glad or a little offended.

It’s not that he wants to get beat up by a soldier over an affair that never happened, but he watched his son. Chris calls him a friend. He expected the guy to at least want to come see who he is, but maybe that is too much to ask.

God knows his own father wouldn’t have cared, but with how Shannon described him, Evan hadn’t thought Eddie would be like his father. He hopes for Chris’s sake that he isn’t.

He pushes a little with Shannon when she comes by, asking how Eddie is doing, if Chris is happy that daddy’s home. According to her, Chris is thrilled and Eddie is trying, which is good, but she mostly waves it away. Evan gets not wanting to talk about her ex-husband, still he wishes he knew some more.

With Eddie home, Chris isn’t around as often, since she can leave him with his father. They flirt, then fuck, but it doesn’t make Evan feel as good as he hoped.

She doesn’t stick around, says she can’t, because she has to be with Chris before Eddie leaves for work. He doesn’t blame her, but a part of him still aches that she goes. She isn’t married to Eddie, but he still feels like the other man. The one outside the family unit, never entirely a part of it, but still strung along. It feels too close to home for comfort.

Shannon looks apologetic and she comes back, but doing it again isn’t making it better. Evan is contemplating moving on.

He has some money now, he could fill his tank and leave. But it feels wrong to leave Shannon without anyone in her corner. He already felt like that before Eddie got back, but from what he hears the ex-in-laws have only gotten worse.

One day, Chris is with his grandparents, Eddie is working and Shannon is here. It’s evening, closer to night, and they’re sitting on the front porch together. Softly she says: “Some days I wonder why I still try to be his mother.”

“What?” Evan chokes out, giving her wide eyes.

She doesn’t look back at him, keeps staring out over the dark farm. “I mean, he has his father now, a parent, and Helena is dying to take him from me and raise him herself. He has people. I’m only twenty-three, I should be out there, traveling, seeing the world, studying. Not this.”

“You don’t mean that,” Evan hears himself say, because he wants it to be true. He doesn’t want to believe she actually thinks that. If he had a family, a kid, he’d be holding on as tight as he could. He would never abandon his kid, should he be lucky enough to have one.

“Probably not, it just all got to me, I guess,” Shannon says with a tired smile and he can see she doesn’t put her heart in it.

Still, he doesn’t push, just tries to be supportive. It’s not his place. Not his kid. “I get it. It must suck to have people undermine your parenting so much. You should bring him here again, I won’t question you.”

“You’re too nice, Evan,” she tells him and he isn’t sure it’s a compliment.

She brings Chris again and Evan holds his little hands as he walks, while Shannon trails behind them. She seems distant, but doesn’t talk when he asks about it. She never mentions it again. Later he’ll look back and regret not pushing more.

Eddie has meanwhile found a job and semi-moved into his house, though he sleeps on his own couch. He has a morning routine with Chris now, because he works nights so Shannon has a nighttime routine. He knows Chris can walk if you hold him and picking him up won’t harm him like his mom said, that her insistence that he carries Chris everywhere is actually bad for his development.

Chris knows who he is, the novelty of daddy being home is slowly starting to fade into the normalcy of daddy being home.

It still thrills Eddie however, when Chris calls out for daddy, for him. The picture he’s drawn of the three of them is Eddie’s most prized possession.

Of course it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. He and Shannon have reached a peace, but are easy to argue and he can’t sleep on the couch forever. They need a plan for when either of them will move out. His mom wants it to be Shannon, since its Eddie’s house in name, but she also wants Eddie and Chris to move in with her.

Papi is out on the road again and she can use a man of the house, but Eddie suspects it’s more because she doesn’t trust Shannon. She’s gotten more mean, he barely got her to stop doing it in front of Chris, praying he doesn’t repeat anything or start believing it. He wants his son to have a mother.

Helena also doesn’t trust him. He has gotten her to stop calling Chris fragile and now she uses special, something he has a harder time arguing against. And she clearly still believes it, even if she doesn’t use the word. She always says he’s too rough with Chris, that he’s doing it wrong. It’s draining.

Evan is another thing. Shannon doesn’t take Chris with her when she goes to see him and Eddie suspects that the friendship has moved on to sleeping together. He isn’t even jealous of anyone sleeping with his ex-wife, just worries about what it means if it gets more serious.

As he said, she doesn’t take Chris with her anymore and Chris pouts about it. The one time she did take him, he was ecstatic. Eddie isn’t sure what to think.

If Shannon and Evan get serious, then it will become a thing they have to talk about. Evan won’t just be with Shannon, he’ll become a part of Chris’s life. Is he willing to do that? Is it Shannon or him, who decided to bring Chris over less now that Eddie is here to watch him? Can he bring that up without Shannon taking it the wrong way? Is it too soon to worry?

He doesn’t have any answers and no one to ask either. He wishes Abuela and tía Pepa didn’t live in LA. That he could flee to their house and talk about it. But they do live in LA and he doesn’t want to bother them with his troubles, he is a Diaz man, he should just suck it up.

In his third month home, Shannon sits him down and says they should think seriously about splitting assets. Figure out their finances. It’s not something they fully got around to when he was off fighting, they just signed the papers.

So, they have to shuffle around their work schedule to get in the meetings necessary to sort it all out with lawyers and advisors. Another non-fun thing that comes with being home.

The first two times his mom watches Chris, the third time Shannon insists Evan watches him. Eddie doesn’t want to, but doesn’t want to be petty. They’ve been fighting a lot in the house over the finances and Chris is starting to get upset. He doesn’t want to add to that, so he lets her, though he doesn’t want to have anything to do with drop off or pick up.

Shannon agrees easily with his terms and Eddie is loathe to admit that it is quite nice not to get grilled, then berated about all his choices every time they come back from a harrowing meeting.

Evan becomes their usual sitter.

Eddie tries to get Shannon to pay him for it, feeling kind of bad about dropping his kid on the guy so often, but Shannon brings back the message that he refused the money, because it’s not work to hang out with his friend. Eddie doesn’t feel great about that statement, but he supposes that if Evan is to ever become a stepparent, they can’t pay him for it.

All in all, it’s awkward to talk about all their stuff and the money; how little they have of it, how many bills they have to pay with it. But it’s good. Getting clarity is good. Things are looking up a bit.

Naturally that means that a month and a half into figuring it all out, Eddie’s life implodes all over again.

He comes home from his shift and the house is empty. It’s not normal, but not unusual either. Her job sometimes requires Shannon to come in earlier and then she drops Chris off with his grandma for Eddie to come pick up when he slept for a bit, instead of doing the morning routine before napping as Chris plays.

So, he stumbles in and crashes on the couch, sleeping for an hour or two. He’ll sleep more later, intermitted sleeping has become his norm. He’s heard being tired comes with being a parent, so he is embracing it. Still, he sleeps better when he can hear Chris moving around, so he wants to go get his boy.

It’s when he sits up that he spots the packet of paper sitting on the table. It’s official looking and there’s a note and a letter on top, Chris’s name is written on the envelope in Shannon’s handwriting and something about it makes Eddie’s stomach churn.

His hands are shaking when he reaches out to the papers, he doesn’t know when they started doing that. It takes his eyes a moment to focus on the letters enough to make out what they say, then a moment longer to comprehend what he is reading.

Custody.

It’s custody papers.

Shannon gave him full custody of Chris.

She left him much like he had done with her and Eddie is now solely responsible for their child. His breaths start coming fast and it takes him much longer than he wants it to, to calm himself again.

There is a short note for him where she explains that her mom is sick, cancer. That she has gone to take care of her and to not try to contact her. That Chris has him and his grandparents now and they’ll be fine. She left him with Evan.

Wait, she left him with Evan?

Eddie hasn’t explicitly thought about it, but he kind of assumed that if Shannon left, she’d take Evan with her. However, that clearly isn’t the case. Why is Evan watching his kid and not chasing after his ex-wife? Did he know? Did she tell him?

He needs more answers, right now. Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s stumbling out of the house, scrambling to get into his truck so he can speed over to the Johnson farm.

Oblivious to all this, Evan is playing with Chris, the two of them rolling a ball back and forth on the front porch as Mrs. Johnson looks disapprovingly from the front window. She never liked him associating with Shannon and she likes him watching Chris even less. But Shannon said it was an emergency and Evan isn’t going to leave her out to dry like that. She’s his girlfriend. He thinks.

A truck pulls up a little faster than normal and a man stumbles out calling out for Chris. Evan has never seen him before, so he gets to his feet and squares his shoulder, blocking the path as he demands: “Who are you?”

Under other circumstances, Eddie would’ve appreciate the protectiveness over his son more, but now a brief, ‘oh he’s handsome, I see what Shannon saw in him,’ flashes through his mind, before it is quickly buried under what is happening today. “I’m his father. Eddie.”

Evan falters at that. After so long, he never thought he’d actually meet Eddie, but now here he is and Evan has his kid and he isn’t even sure if it is Eddie, because he has never even seen the man before.

Almost as if reading his mind, Chris spots Eddie and cheers: “Daddy!”

Hearing Chris be okay, just his happy self soothes something in his chest and he is grateful when Evan moves out of the way so he can go over and scoop Chris up. “Hey, mijo, hey,” he greets, hugging Chris tight and burying his face in his hair, letting the scent calm him. It’s irrational, but he had feared Chris would be hurt, but he appears totally fine.

“Are you… are you okay?” tentatively Evan asks him that, coming closer as he watches father and son with a frown. Eddie is acting pretty strange, he looks worried.

“Did you know?” Eddie’s voice is harsher than he wants it to be when he asks that, sounding closer to how he’d talk in the field.

“Know what?” Evan replies, frowning in confusion.

Eddie isn’t sure if he believes it, but the man looks genuine and a bit like an over-sized puppy. It is kind of hard to be mad at him, but Eddie is also pretty good at being mad, so he says: “That she was going. Did you know?”

“Shannon?” Evan asks. “She said she had a family emergency, asked me to watch him for a bit until you got off work. He was still sleeping when she arrived, I assumed it was serious.”

“Nothing else?” Eddie says in disbelief. He was so sure that her and Evan were a thing, but she didn’t even say anything to him, didn’t ask him to come with her.

“Yeah, nothing else,” Evan confirms. “What’s going on, man?”

Instinctively Eddie looks away, cradling Chris closer. Now that he knows Chris is okay, that Shannon isn’t hiding out here, he doesn’t really know where to go from here. He feels embarrassed about being left like that, as if he wasn’t good enough to make sure to mother of his child stayed in his life, just like he couldn’t keep his wife.

He’s a teen dad, a divorcee and now a single parent to boot. The Church will have a field day with this when they find out, not to mention his parents. Fuck, what will his parents think?

Irrationally, he thinks, they can never know. They can’t. They can’t learn how much he screwed up all over again. Shannon told him not to contact her, but that doesn’t mean she blocked him, maybe if he can reach her, he can convince her to stay. To come back.

Without answering Evan’s question, he puts down Chris and fumbles for his phone, calling Shannon. The call doesn’t go through. The panic only grows and he snaps back to Evan, who is just standing there, watching him with those big blue concerned eyes. His skin feels weird under that gaze and he shoves it all down, demanding: “When did she drop him off?”

“Like four hours ago,” Evan answers. Fuck, that is long enough to already be on a plane by now and he’s never catching up with her by car. He doesn’t even know where in LA her mom lives, he’ll never be able to find her in that city. When he’s quiet, Evan worries on: “Why? What’s going on? Did something happen to her?”

To her, of course, Eddie scoffs, of course something must have happened to her, because there is no way she’d leave otherwise. No, Eddie must have done something wrong. Something to make her leave. He’s a failure, always has been.

Without his permission tears well up in his eyes as the anger gets replaced by a deep despair. He’s all alone now. Chris still counts on him, still needs him. He can’t find Shannon, so it’s all on him now. At some point, he’ll have to tell his parents, but that seems like a Herculean task right now. It’s all too overwhelming. Too much.

“Eddie?” Evan asks, watching this beautiful man crumble from indignation and anger into this hopelessness. It doesn’t look right on him and Evan wants to help, but he doesn’t even know what’s going on.

At his name, Eddie looks up, meeting those eyes. Evan has no business knowing what’s happening in Eddie’s family, but- but he looked after Chris and he’s here and not judging him or demanding anything, he’s just concerned. And Eddie really needs to talk about this with someone, to feel like there is someone in his corner and he’s not all alone.

He chokes out: “Her family emergency is in LA. There were custody papers on the table this morning. She’s gone.”

Evan’s eyes grow wide as he processes Eddie’s words. Shannon left. For LA. And she isn’t planning on coming back. It hurts to be left like that after nearly ten months of flirting and four months of sleeping together, but it’s familiar. Something he’s used to. He just can’t wrap his head around the fact that she’d leave her child. Her child. Someone as amazing as Chris.

Thoughts whirl around in his head, but he only manages to choke out: “Holy shit, dude, that fucking sucks.”

Eddie lets out a laugh, though it sounds more like a sob as he gives a watery smile and nods: “Yeah, it does fucking suck.”

“Fucking,” Chris loudly declares, repeating the new word he heard as he climbs to his feet.

Both Eddie’s and Evan’s eyes grow wide as they give each other a shocked stare. It’s Eddie who breaks first, the absurdity of the whole thing getting to him as he breaks down in laughter, Evan following after him and Chris joining in, because Chris always laughs along with anyone, feeding on the happy energy.

Once they’ve calmed themselves down and Chris has wandered off, Evan clears his throat and his voice becomes serious: “But really, man, that is terrible. I can’t believe she’d do that.”

“Me neither,” Eddie sighs, the reality hitting him all over again as he watches Chris, who is now practicing with his crutches by chasing a butterfly, who is definitely winning the race. He looks so happy, so carefree. Eddie doesn’t know how he’s going to explain to him that mommy isn’t coming home.

Evan follows Eddie’s gaze and his heart breaks for Chris, who will grow up without a mother, feeling abandoned. He knows what it’s like to feel unwanted by parents and he doesn’t wish it on any child.

Fortunately, it seems that Eddie isn’t planning on making him feel that way. The poor man might look like he’s about to kneel over from the stress or break down crying, but he’s keeping it together surprisingly well.

Evan’s heart also breaks for him a little. He doesn’t know if the ex-in-laws – or Eddie’s parents, he should probably refer to them as Eddie’s parents – are as judgy towards him as they are, or were, to Shannon, but raising a kid by himself with that as background noise? That can’t be easy.

“Do you- do you wanna talk about it?” he offers. It feels a little stupid to offer it, Eddie hasn’t wanted anything to do with him for the entire time he’s been home, he doubts he’d want to talk with the ex-boyfriend? situationship? of his ex-wife that just abandoned him and his kid about her abandoning them.

However, Eddie surprises him by softly saying: “Yes, please. If you don’t mind.”

Eddie can see that Evan is taken aback by his answer and he almost backtracks, but before he can, a smile breaks out on Evan’s face and he says: “You can tell me all about it while we feed the chickens then. I’d offer you a coffee, but Mrs. Johnson scares me a little and I can feel her judgy eyes in the back of my neck.”

The comment makes Eddie laugh again. It’s strange how easily Evan makes him laugh, Eddie has always had a hard time getting along with people, but Evan is easy to get along with. Despite what led him here, he finds himself not feeling as filled with dread as he’d thought. “Yeah, Mrs. Johnson scares me too. Lead the way.”

“Gladly,” Evan grins, going to grab the chicken feed. As he returns he calls out to Chris: “Hey Chris, I’m gonna go feed the chickies, do you wanna go say hi to them?”

“I do, I do,” Chris cheers and Evan can feel how he smiles in return automatically.

“Well, come over here then, buddy,” Evan calls back. “Or do you need me to come get you?”

“I can do it,” Chris says determinedly, starting to come their way. “Daddy say hi too? Hi to the chickies?”

It’s only when Chris asks that, that he realizes Eddie is right there and embarrassment floods through him as he stutters: “If- if that’s okay with you, of course. I am so sorry for just pushing in your space like that. Shannon- uhm, Shannon never minded if I kinda did that when they were here, but I totally should’ve asked.”

Eddie is staring at him with wide eyes, not saying anything. He has never seen anyone act with Chris like that before, so casually and respectful. There is no pity in his eyes when he looks at Chris and he doesn’t think Chris can’t do it by himself. He lets him have the choice and actually lets him do what he wants when he makes it.

Then his words and the expression on his face register and Eddie says: “No, no, don’t worry, you’re perfect.” He blushes and quickly amends: “I mean, you did perfectly fine.”

“Are you sure?” Evan asks, face red. He’s probably embarrassed, because Eddie is apparently incapable of being normal. God, he is a mess. Today is a mess.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Usually people are more hands on with Chris. They baby him. It’s nice to see someone not do that, took me by surprise,” Eddie answers, rubbing the back of his head.

“Oh yeah, Shannon told me about her ex-in-laws,” Evan nods in sympathy, before remembering that Shannon’s ex-in-laws are Eddie’s parents, therefore it might not have been the smartest thing to say. Then he also remembers that Shannon left and that’s why they’re even talking to each other, so reminding him of her might not be the smartest either. “Oh my god, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay, not like she’s wrong,” Eddie sighs. “I had to fight my mom to get her to stop calling Chris fragile. Shan has been getting the brunt of it. Just didn’t think it’d drive her away.”

He startles slightly at the comforting hand on his shoulder and is surprised to find he misses it when Evan pulls back at his reaction. Though, Evan doesn’t let his reaction stop him for saying: “Hey, don’t do that yourself, man. You didn’t control that and it’s a sh- silly thing she did that.”

With the correction, Eddie easily spots Chris, who has caught up with them. Evan is trying to prevent another ‘fucking’ incident and it’s strangely endearing.

“Hey, mijo,” Eddie smiles carding a hand through his curls. “Do you say hi the chickens often?”

“All the time,” Chris informs him happily. “I like chickies. Chickies are nice. Eggs are nice too. And chickies give us the eggs.”

“They sure do,” Eddie says warmly, charmed by Chris’s love for the chickens. Lord knows he has fed him plenty of eggs in the mornings. He looks at Evan, finding himself in a familiar situation of not really knowing what’s happening with his kid and having to ask another adult. It feels a little bitter as he asks: “So, how does this usually go?”

“How do you want it to go?” Evan shoots back, surprising him once more. He shrugs: “I have a routine with Shannon, but you’re his dad. He can explore on his own, he’s no stranger. He might plop down somewhere, but that’s fine. The chickens know him. But if you want he can hang around here with us, though that might not be the best if you still wanna talk. So, it’s up to you.”

Again, Eddie can’t help but stare at Evan, who so easily trusts him to be Chris’s dad and doesn’t take over, assuming he knows best, even though they’re on his turf. It’s hard to believe that Evan is more of a surprise today than he had been his first day back home, but he is.

Before it can get weird again, Eddie shakes it off. He clears his throat and turns to Chris. “You can go play with the chickens, but you have to stay where I can see you, okay?”

“Okay,” Chris agrees with a big smile, before scampering off inside when Evan opens the doors for them.

Once Chris is occupying himself, Evan starts to feed the chickens as he says: “Okay, so I’ve heard quite a bit from Shannon’s side, but you can tell me your side or just what your feeling, I guess. I used to be a bartender, so I like to think I’m a great listener.”

Eddie isn’t sure what to do with that, Diaz men don’t talk about their feelings. He just needs to talk to organize his thoughts. But Evan seems nice enough and willing to listen and he’s proven himself to not be judgmental, so Eddie is going to try and extend the same courtesy.

So, he doesn’t comment and starts talking.

~~

A/N:

Confession, it is me, who loves chickens, self indulgent to project that onto Chris, but it’s not like I’m wrong. Chickens are great (but cows are my favorite animals. I fucking love agriculture like a nerd).

Also, love Buck and Eddie becoming ride or die so fucking fast upon having one normal conversation lmao

[omegaverse-guide]

WHY would you read that?!

Let's admit it - upon encountering omegaverse for the first time, we all thought it was weird. Maybe someone reading this still thinks so. There's certainly enough people out there who wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole.

But it's popular. I love it, personally, and I'm clearly not the only one. There are tv shows being made with a concept that a singular person put into a fandom-specific kink meme a mere 14 years ago. My grandma could walk into the bookstore and see a manga with omegaverse terminology in the title and ask me what it is. That's wild.

So, this is an earnest question - not necessarily of how it spread this quickly, but what's so appealing about it. This is based on my own personal experience and what I've heard others say, not necessarily representative of everyone who enjoys the trope.

From what I've seen, omegaverse has four major draws:

1. Porn

That's kinda obvious, and the one most people would put first, or perhaps as the only reason. And I'll argue the other points later, but I think it'd be stupid to understate the importance of this one. If you're into certain kinks, even if it's exclusively in fiction, omegaverse is great for you. Big dicks, breeding kink, excessive amounts of cum, biting, marathon sex, dubcon, feral/animalistic sex, dom/sub dynamics, possessive behaviour, maybe a dash of furry stuff, it's all there. There's a reason so much omegaverse is pwp, and it's that these are common kinks, and they work well together. People are horny, that's how omegaverse got made and spread, and that's beautiful.

2. Mpreg

Yes, there are other ways to knock a man up. Make him trans. Use magic. Or science, which is essentially the same thing anyway. You can come up with any amounts of ways to make this happen. But the beauty of the omegaverse is you don't have to. You don't have to do any research, you don't need to come up with a reason, and you don't have to figure out what the implications are if you don't want to. This man can get knocked up, and it's totally normal to everyone around him, and everyone reading will know and accept it, so you can get all of that out of the way and just focus on your guy, or all the guys, getting pregnant and having and raising a bunch of kids you made up for them. This gives you the satisfaction of letting any character you want produce babies with any other character you want, while also giving you the chance to torture any man you want with pregnancy symptoms (very cathartic). Or maybe you just have a pregnancy kink! Either way, it's convenient.

3. Social Commentary

Okay, to anyone who's never read omegaverse, this probably sounds like a joke, but I'm dead serious. At the core of omegaverse is one basic assumption: if a group of people is capable of bearing children, society will do anything and everything to make them have kids, and restrict them from whatever other roles they can, and they'll find whatever excuse they can find. It exposes sexism by stripping away all pretense of logic: in omegaverse, omegas are the stand-ins for women, and are treated as such. but anyone can be an omega. it has nothing to do with physical or mental capabilities how you're treated. you could literally be batman, the moment people find out you could theoretically give birth to a child, it's all over for you. the reality of our world is, sexism is still here. it's gotten better in a lot of ways, but sexism is not over. and sometimes the best way of realizing just how not over it is, is to put a man into the exact same situations we experience and go 'hey would that be fucked up or what?'.

4. Free For All

Because omegaverse is, by and large, a fanfiction thing, it's popular with the kind of people who enjoy reading and writing fanfiction. Do you know what the best thing about fanfiction is? No, it's not the gay sex, though that's a close second. The real answer is: it can be whatever the fuck you want it to be. Fanfiction has one major selling point: it doesn't need to be sold. Which means no author ever has to consider a target audience, or god forbid, a mass audience. Someone can just pour out their passion onto the page, and sometimes thousands of people will read it, and other times it'll just be you and three other freaks, but there's no reason to only produce the first type of fic. Most fic writers don't even have an editor/beta reader. And omegaverse is the same in that regard, at least in the realm of fic. It can be literally anything. It can be nothing but porn, including all the kinks, and only all the kinks you personally enjoy. It can be fluffy family stuff. It can be deep drama in a 200k epic, with biting social commentary. It can be all of that at once. Omegaverse has no rules. It's an author's playground, and fic writers love their playgrounds.

So that's my thesis on what's good about omegaverse. Why do you like it? Did I miss anything? Let me know!

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Please pardon the interruption to your regularly scheduled updates, they are currently being transposed for the archives. Posts shall continue as they did before, but you may also find an additional record for them here.

Tomorrow, that is. It’s a process to read through the history.

For now though, you may have this excerpt. It’s always good to stay informed.

= = = = = = = = = =

THE 31ST DAY OF STOUTHEART MOON

UPDATES ON BEHALF OF THE ESTEEMED ROYAL FAMILY OF HYRULE:

Look. I don’t know which one of you fuckers snitched, and at this point I don’t care, but can we at least stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, this death was not really my fault?

I mean yeah, sure sure sure, I had the slip of the tongue (...slip of the ink? Slip of the magic quill?) about where the spare key to the Royal Chambers was in an update a while ago, BUT there is no way to correlate that with the latest queenly assassination. There are plenty of ways to get in to kill people without an open door! You can break a window! Start a fire under a floorboard! Crawl through some gutters to find and poison someone's dinner! You really can’t be limiting yourself. Personally I’ve broken into several people’s houses and not once did I need to use the door. 

Ergo, me no fault, me no murder dis time. Can’t spell “didn’t do it” without one of the vowels in my name. Can’t be showering when I got that inno-scent on me. 

OK, I can feel an intense glare bearing into my skull from over my shoulder, so I will take that as the cue to start with the actual formal announcement from the King Regent Rhoam Bosphoramus:

Queen Zelda Elane Hyrule is dead. The cuccos are to blame. There is to be a major BBQ sale in town square in memory of Her Majesty next week. Mark your calendars and expect lower fried cucco prices during this period of kingdom-wide grief. 

So yeah, BITCH. Betcha feeling reaaaal stupid now, fucking snitch blabbering to the knights about how Orator Asivus “may be involved in the tragedy” and how my “irresponsibility taints the image of Hylian society.” I’ve laid it out right there for ya. Rhoam and his long fancy royal investigation just declared that you should blame those feathery fucks, so kindly get off my ass. Better yet, just always assume there’s a bird behind anything you think I did wrong.

In other news, more birds! Or more accurately: bird. Singular. Or to be even more accurate: no bird. Like I said in an update before, those giant Divine Beasts Director Purah and the like are digging up unfortunately aren’t hot mechs or anything, just some fun lil animals—and the latest is a big old fake bird northwest the Tabantha Tundra. It’s green and weird, like vegetables, or teenagers. Don’t go asking me what species it is, my expertise is only in rats. I’m sure Larc could tell you, but he left the room immediately after I finished writing out the formal announcement. Probably to have plausible deniability in case I started not doing my job again—which is fair because I am gonna stop doing my job right about now.

Honestly, I know none of you guys are actually reading these things. I could count on one Bokoblin hand the amount of actual feedback these updates get. And really, more power to you! Reading sucks. Who has time to flip through their town billboard to find one torn up piece of magic parchment just to know what’s going down at Hyrule Castle? We all got lives. Better yet, we all got friends! Even better yet, we all probably have friends that get printed proclamations! 

By the time anyone remembers to tell me what to write with my primitive little quill, it’s already been better articulated and edited out on one of those fancy machine ink presses. And by that point it’s basically already wrapped and sent for the Rito flight to wherever and everywhere—at which point I am probably still in the lengthy process of getting sober enough to write legibly. So yeah. Who needs me, right? 

You know I do have to wonder how cuccos haven’t killed me yet…I can guarantee I’ve taken more saucy cucco skewers from the Royal kitchen than Ms. Elane. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure she was going vegan this month…Ah well. Guess it’s another case of too little too late. A real shame, she was pretty nice for a royal, at least going off our one interaction. Long story short, it was cloak weather and she reached to hold my hand cause she thought I was someone else. I got 2k rupees in hush money and a slice of carrot cake. Not a bad transaction and beats getting executed—infinitely more delicious too. Her daughter threw a metal screw at my head though, so I guess the kindness doesn’t run in the family. 

OH! Elane was also involved in that new prophecy thing, right? Or I guess her daughter is now. Yeaaah, that part also sucks. Rhoam has been such a dick about the whole thing lately. I think the world is ending? Don’t know the details, I’m not that into politics. We’ll decide how much I should care about that when the consequences come closer into play.

Alright my wrist is tired so I’m heading out to drown at the tavern. If you never hear from me again, a miracle or a tragedy occurred. Hopefully both.

[quarantineroulette]

10 Things That Somehow Didn’t Suck This Year (with a horror films sub-list).

2022 has been an unbelievably surreal and disparate year for me. On one hand, I achieved three long-running goals, visiting Barcelona, becoming a home-owner, and going on a mini-tour with my band. On the other hand, I was plagued by some of the worst periods of depression of my life and endured at least two solid months of virtually nonstop distress in which things got better for a little bit before going really hard on the mental strife. 

Due to so much weirdness going on, I didn’t listen to much music this year and I feel pretty ashamed about that (if you’re a friend and you released music this year, I intend on listening to it very soon, I swear). I’m also a little put off by critical writing in general right now but I still wanted to do some sort of year-end ranking for tradition’s sake. So here’s 10...entertainments? I appreciated this year - whether TV shows, movies, or going to gigs, even though there were a lot of those I unfortunately missed as well. Also throwing in a sub-list of favorite horror films, as those are one of the few things I can focus on even when things are completely haywire elsewhere.

*Atlanta: I really don’t consider a lot of art truly *perfect* but the Atlanta series finale -- and the entire 41-episode show, really -- absolutely was. Out of anyone in my generation, Donald Glover is far and away the *~creative~* I’m most in awe of, most of all for this singular and very special show. I’ll forever be grateful for the intelligence behind Atlanta (I really can’t think of a show James and I have discussed more), it’s unpredictability and the insane level of talent that could be found in its ridiculously stellar cast and crew. I loved everything about every minute of it, but my secret favorite episode was the one where Van has an identity crisis in Paris and Alexander Skarsgard cameos as a cross between an exaggerated version of himself and Armie Hammer. Utterly surreal, totally hilarious, and unquestionably brilliant. 

*“Punk Rock Loser” by Viagra Boys: I didn’t totally love Viagra Boys’ 2022 release Cave World but it still somehow became the album I listened to most this year, and “Punk Rock Loser” had no contest in terms of being my most listened to song. The band excels at songs about decidedly unsavory dudes, so “Punk Rock Loser” isn’t entirely new territory but it is catchy and weirdly groovy in its own little way. Plus, the music video is an instant classic, right down to the Adidas western shirt and completely silly synchronized dance routine. 

*The Rehearsal: This one is a bit of a cheat because I just watched the whole series in like three days so it’s at the forefront of my mind. But something tells me even if I had watched it three months ago I’d still be fucking reeling from it. Like, my sense of perception has been irrevocably scrambled. I need to sit in a dark room and question every interaction I’ve ever had with another human up to this point. I related to this show more than I’d like to admit and also found myself weirdly moved by it at times. Also, massive respect to Fielder for getting HBO to pay for, well, the entire thing, but especially the replica of the Alligator Lounge (although we all know Nate’s Lizard Lounge is really where it’s at). 

*Playing a show with The Veldt: We started working on new music this year so we didn’t play many shows, but we still had a fair amount of success on that front and played our first-ever gigs in the midwest (including a sold out show in Chicago). But being asked to play with criminally underrated shoegazers The Veldt was truly a high water mark (on what was unfortunately a very watery evening in Brooklyn). Had gone to see The Veldt in Philly a month prior to sharing a bill with them, and was wowed by Daniel Chavis’ stage presence and vocal delivery both times around, a pretty powerful counter to the head down aloofness that genre designation typically suggests. Totally cool and lovely guys to boot.

*Warren Ellis - Nina Simone’s Gum: See my previous post, but in short, this book is mesmerizing. What I assumed would be a fairly straightforward rock memoir instead was a loving tribute to Ellis’ idols, providing a lot of insight into collecting and the power we imbue certain objects with and why. Absolutely solidified my opinion that Ellis is one of the most beautiful souls (I mean, he started a sanctuary for wildlife with special needs for god’s sake!) 

*Aldous Harding at Union Transfer: Pretty much the only new music I listened to this year was the aforementioned Viagra Boys, Fontaines DC and Aldous Harding, and I was fortunate enough to see two out of three of these artists live in 2022 (Viagra Boys, maybe next year). Aldous Harding had been at the top of my gig-going wishlist pre-pandemic, so I feel especially grateful that seeing her became a reality this year. It often feels a bit weak to say “OMG I went to see (x) and they sounded just like the album,” but in Aldous’ case, this is kind of an extraordinary compliment, seeing as she sings as about a dozen different characters on her new record, sometimes flipping back and forth over several different vocal styles in a single song. Add to this Harding’s obscure yet very purposeful stage presence and that equals me being enraptured for 90 minutes straight. Had an excellent time pre-gaming at the awesome go-go cocktail bar The Trestle Inn beforehand as well. 

*Intermission: My 10 (actually 11) Favorite Horror Films of 2022

Yeah yeah yeah. Everyone has said it, it’s been a great year for horror. It’s always been my favorite genre and I’ve embraced it even harder since the pandemic for whatever reason. So, just like everyone else is doing, here are my 10 favorites that I’ve seen this year. I didn’t see everything, but I’ve seen enough to have some authority on what was good, maybe...

1) Pearl - Mia Goth’s unblinking stare over the end credits = haven’t been as frightened by a face since Laura Dern running toward the camera in INLAND EMPIRE. Deserves all its accolades and then some. 

2) The Menu - The cast, the setting, the dialogue, Colin Stetson’s score: everything about this was a horrible delight from start to finish. Watching Ralph Fiennes and Anya Taylor-Joy act together was thoroughly electrifying and I will never get Fiennes lobbing the insult “you donkey” at some rich asshole out of my head. 

3) Smile - I saw the trailer for this a zillion times and thought it honestly looked hilariously stupid. Zero expectations and threw me for a complete loop. Still didn’t find it that scary but it was fun as hell and the sound design was excellent. Also, I’m sorry to say I had no idea who (PA native!) Kyle Gallner was until this year but loved him in both this and Dinner in America. 

4) Men / Resurrection - Resurrection walked so Men could run, I guess. Overall, I preferred the former just because I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes for the last 20 minutes and I appreciated its mash-up of folk horror / home invasion / psychological horror / cosmic horror / body horror to the max. Resurrection had Rebecca Hall giving the most insane monologue of the year and my forever crush Tim Roth being a gaslighting sleaze-hound, and those are two things I will never shrug at. 

5) What Josiah Saw - If you ever longed for a southern gothic version of Fire Walk With Me, then head over to Shudder and take this fucked up baby for a ride immediately. Had a scene, totally free of violence or gore, that made me want to squirm right out of my skin. Robert Patrick FTW and was nice(?) to see Nick Stahl again too.

6) Watcher - Great Hitchcockian throwback with great performances by Maika Monroe and Burn Gorman and some beautiful shots of Bucharest. Tense enough that I was nervous going into the bathroom by myself when it was over. 

7) We’re All Going to the World’s Fair - To be honest, I didn’t love this when I was watching it, but jeez did it stick with me. Months after and I still feel a great sense of discomfort whenever I think about it. Not for everyone, but will thoroughly creep you out and fill you with a sense of crushing loneliness, if you’re down for that kind of thing. 

8) Something in the Dirt - Pretty much will be open to anything Moorhead and Benson do just because I find their grassroots approach to cosmic horror and world-building really inspiring. Their latest threw about a million different interests of mine into a pot so I found Something in the Dirt especially delicious. Some really low-key funny moments and I’m still trying to piece it all together but I’m so so happy these guys are out there challenging us and doing it all in such a home-spun way. 

9) Barbarian - Almost didn’t add this because the hype really got to me, but, I know -- that first half was super tense and Justin Long gave his all as perhaps the douchiest character of the year. 

10) Nope - Really wasn’t a fan of US but this was quite a return to form. Loved the set pieces and the unique take on alien design. The spoken word “Purple People Eater” bit was pretty ridiculous but I laughed all the same. The blood house was marvelous, though.

***

*“Turn Off Your Brain and Yell” by Suede: I often get anxious whenever a long-running band or artist I love releases something new, even when it’s a band I love as much as Suede, and was honestly not expecting much from their 9th release Autofiction, as it was being touted as more stripped down and less high concept and dramatic. The record is just fine but live the songs are phenomenal, particularly the fittingly cathartic “Turn Off Your Brain and Yell.” The Autofiction closer served as the band’s opener at their headlining show at Philadelphia’s The Met and it was like an emotional wildfire had just ignited. I’m certain every single neck hair of every person in that venue was standing on end from this song onward. Simply put, it fucking slammed. Anyway, this Suede / Manics US tour seemed like the ultimate dream to me on paper but unfortunately turned out a little bittersweet, but at least I can say for probably the only time ever that Michelle Obama possibly had a hand in preventing me from going backstage like I was supposed to (long story!). 

*The Bear: Didn’t think this could possibly live up to its hype, but really what a touching, funny, intense and lovingly made show. Jeremy Allen White, he seems a little like a himbo, but was completely captivated and moved by his portrayal of the emotionally complex and overwhelmed Carmy. Loved when Richie did or said pretty much anything and the (I cringe at the term) *~needle drops~* were spectacular. Ready to drink down a second season like Xanax-laced ecto-cooler. 

*Kendrick Lamar performing “Savior” at Glastonbury : I feel a bit of a faker listing this as I haven’t watched Kendrick’s Glastonbury 2022 performance in full yet (doing that over the weekend, hopefully), and I’ve only listened to Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers once. I have, however, been returning to this video over and over for months now and I love everything about it -- the lighting, minimalist stage set up -- in such stark contrast to an event as overblown as the Glastonbury festival -- the dancers, and of course the fake blood and glittery crown of thorns. Most of all, I love that the message takes precedence, as it should be but so rarely is these days. So, thank you Kendrick and all the preceding makers on this list for saying or doing something meaningful in a year that frequently felt meaningless. 

[rainbowangel110]

*cracks knuckles* Challenge accepted @bloodied-dagger :)

Have fun y'all :D

1: When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

More cereal cuz crunchy

2: Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Depends on if it's dry air or not, if it's dry, NOPE

3: What random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

Unlike a certain someone I actually use bookmarks! There were these bookmarks you can make so you just put em on the corner of the page that you're reading and it's really cute :D really easy to make

4: How do you take your coffee/tea?

I don't drink tea, but I drink the fluffy coffee that my mom makes

5: Are you self-conscious of your smile?

Sometimes when my picture is being taken, other times it's "Eh fuck it, we ball."

6: Do you keep plants?

Does the bouquet that my sister bought for me from HEB on b-day count?? (They were white daisies that were dyed a light blue)

7: Do you name your plants?

No

8: What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I normally just sketch it out whenever I feel like it

9: Do you like singing/humming to yourself?

In my head, but whenever no ones around it kinda spills out quietly (My singing voice is not great)

10: Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

Side and back

11: What’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

Lol you guys hang out with your irl friends?

12: What’s your favorite planet?

I have a soft spot for Mars cuz it's what got me curious about space in the first place!

13: What’s something that made you smile today?

My mutuals hanging out with fun tags to read and Percy Jackson and The Sea of Monsters

14: If you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

We have our own rooms, with sunny windows and a balcony, maybe a cat, and it feels homey

15: Go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Ain't googling nothing cuz!!! Did you know that if you fell into a black hole, you would see time speed up so fast that you could potentially see everything that happens for the rest of time? And on the other side, from the other persons perspective, you slow down so much that at some point you'd stop, and then disappear? This is because the black hole's point of singularity is so dense that it warps space-time really hard, it becomes an inverted pinpoint on the plane of reality :D

16: What’s your favorite pasta dish?

Normally my family just boil up some pasta and throw in veggies, meant, ketchup and soy sauce.

17: What color do you really want to dye your hair?

I think it's be cool if I had a dark blue fade in, cuz my hair is already really dark brown

18: Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

Really old, from 7th grade lunch break, someone from the table asked "Hey, anyone know what the Spanish word for dog is?" and I confidentially go "Puta :D"

Which apparently means bitch :D so I guess I was half right?

19: Do you keep a journal? What do you write/draw/ in it?

No

20: What’s your favorite eye color?

OH it has to be amber or some form of heterochromia, sectoral or total to be exact, it's so pretty!

21: Talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

Applies to my school bag from middle school (which I don't have anymore). Thing was with me through thick and thin.

22: Are you a morning person?

*glances at the clock* *1:35 am* No

23: What’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Tumblr, Reddit, read, and if I feel like it, draw

24: Is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Doubt it

25: What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

Excuse me?! Yeah no never broken into a place before sorry

Oooh, a quarter of the way! Starting to regret opening the read more?

26: What are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

Sandals lol

27: What’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Like Dagger said on his thing, bubblegum is a flavor. And like Dagger said, watermelon. You can't ever go wrong with watermelon gum :)

28: Sunrise or sunset?

Sunrises are pretty to look at I will say

29: What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

When they ramble about something they're into and are very enthusiastic about it, very adorable.

30: Think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yes

31: What is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

Socks are great, I don't wear em to bed tho. I have this pair of socks that have a base grey color with the border being blue and it has colorful stars on it

32: Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Lol I've never hung out with friends on occasion, and definitely not till 3 am

33: What’s your fave pastry?

Cupcakes ig (but not too much frosting!), and sugar cookies

34: Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it?

I have this stuffed doll I got from my grandmother for my first birthday (or so I'm told) and it's blond with and orange hat, dress, and shoes. I still have it, it's in my closet.

35: Do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

They look cool but I've only ever had the multicolor pen

36: Which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

^ Has never listened to a band ever

37: Do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

I like it clean (rn my cousin is in my room with my sister so that one is REALLY messy, meanwhile the guest room I'm staying is really clean and I like it a lot :D)

38: Tell us about your pet peeves!

Muttering under your breath. Annoys the heck out of me

39: What color do you wear the most?

Blue cuz blue jeans lol

40: Think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

This pastel earring set shaped like flowers/hearts/butterflies that I have, very cute (don't wear it all that much but I like it)

41: What’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

The PJO set I have right next to me rn, Salt to the Sea, A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Rise of Kyoshi, Wings of Fire: Darkstalker

42: Do you have a favorite coffee shop? Describe it!

Don't have one

43: Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

MAN I WISH

44: When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

Rn ig, it's really chill

45: Do you trust your instincts a lot?

I use them to gauge how to respond to people sometimes

46: Tell us the worst pun you can think of.

What do you call a lamp training for a sporting contest? An O-LAMP-ic athlete :D

47: What food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Would have said tomatoes, but they actually have a use (ketchup, tomato sauce on pizza etc), so pickles it is

48: What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today?

Snakes and YES STILL SCARED OF EM

49: Do you like buying CDs and records? What was the last one you bought?

Never bought one

50: What’s an odd thing you collect?

I don't collect

Halfway there Dagger and Enb :)

51: Think of a person. What song do you associate with them?

Does a fictional person count? Actually fuck it, Nimona as "All is Soft Inside" by Aroura

52: What are your favorite memes of the year so far?

The Barbie and Ken mugshots are funny

53: Have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? Heathers? Beetlejuice? Pulp fiction? What do you think of them?

Nope, never seen a horror picture show

54: Who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

Can't recall

55: What’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

Y'all remember that one time Dagger was making a joke about us Live Slug Reaction-ing Sofi and Human and used Esme as an example, and we all said "NAH they do the same thing", and I screenshotted a bunch of their posts of them being lovey dovey? Twas a fun day.

56: What are some things you find endearing in people?

When they are passionate about something and ramble about it

57: Go listen to bohemian rhapsody. How did it make you feel? Did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I can't listen to it rn cuz it's late any my headphones are far away

58: Who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why?

No one really

59: What’s your favorite myth?

There's a lot to pick from here....

60: Do you like poetry? What are some of your faves?

Not really a poetry enthuisast

61: What’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? The stupidest one you’ve ever received?

My mom is like "Oh, your friend (who I haven't talked to in a long time) it grown up, lets get a gift card for her!"

And then there was that one time I got perfume. Not a person who wears perfume regularly mind you.

62: Do you drink juice in the morning? Which kind?

Does water count?

63: Are you fussy about your books and music? Do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

For my books? ABSOULUTLY!! Keep em safe so I can read em

64: What color is the sky where you are right now?

Black

65: Is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

My friends Alex, Carolyn, and Nicole

66: What would your ideal flower crown look like?

As long as it's pretty I'm okay with one :)

67: How do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

They feel cozy

68: What’s winter like where you live?

Cold wind but no snow

69: What are your favorite board games?

Scrabble and Ludo ig?? I like Uno better

70: Have you ever used a ouija board?

I would prefer not to mess with te spirits of those who must pass on

71: What’s your favorite kind of tea?

I don't drink tea

72: Are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

Nah not really.

73: What are some of your worst habits?

Chewing my nails and inside of my mouth

74: Describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Artsy, talented, definitely got a hang on life

75: Tell us about your pets!

I don't have any

Almost there! 25 questions left :D

76: Is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Sleeping :)

77: Pink or yellow lemonade?

Yellow

78: Are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I wanna drop kick em

79: What’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

My sister making Pokémon drawings for me on my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? Did you choose that color? If so, why?

They are the classic whitish color, was there when we got the house

81: Describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Autumn but there's still green on some trees

82: Are/were you good in school?

I could do better honestly.

83: What’s some of your favorite album art?

Uhh I dunno any albums

84: Are you planning on getting tattoos? Which ones?

Never really been into tatoos

85: Do you read comics? What are your faves?

I have a Webtoons account, I love Hand Jumper, Purple Hyacinth, Castle Swimmer, Beetle Hands, Saphie the One Eyed Cat, Rooftops and Roommates, Lumine, Little Matcha Girl, Acception and there's more I'm blanking on

86: Do you like concept albums? Which ones?

Idk what those are sorry

87: What are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Nimona (sorry for the small spoilers Dagger!!), Spiderman ISV/ASV

88: Are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Eh not really

89: Are you close to your parents?

Kinda

90: Talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Houston is okay??? If you ignore a lot of stuff

91: Where do you plan on traveling this year?

Eh, not really traveling anywhere

92: Are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Honestly don't know, the soy sauce/meat/veggies do it for me

93: What’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

Was a ponytail until I got this haircut that's a little too short, so it's open until I'm able to tie it up again into a tiny ponytail

94: Who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

Charolette aka @angelcloves

95: What are your plans for this weekend?

Spend time with my cousin, maybe work on this draft of LDRAU

96: Do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

Procrastinate, but not a lot

97: Myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

No fucking clue, Cancer, never looked it up and never gonna

98: When’s the last time you went hiking? Did you enjoy it?

No clue man

99: List some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

"Pokémon Legends Arcus: Giratina"

Runaway by Aurora (I think it's neat)

"Help! Oh Well" by Something Else YT (Again, it's cool)

100: If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? Why?

On one hand, I can go back in time and help younger me know that the bullies are gonna be gone soon, and that we'll be fine (and maybe deck said bullies while I'm at it), but on the other hand I'm uncertain about the future and myself. Can I take both? I want both please

AND THAT'S THE END FOLKS :D .... Hello?? Anypony still here???

Oh. Well, I'll leave this here if anyone wants to answer all of the question or reblog it :)

[katyspersonal]

Thank you nice anons, it means a lot to me. ...or, an anon (singular) if you happen to be one person (since timing is very even), I appreciate it either way, I just can't tell with anon feature.

Well... At first, I blamed ER for attracting too many "bad" type of fans into Soulsb0rne by appealing to a much wider audience than average From's games. But I think my theory didn't quite line up, and in the end, it is just a plague that strikes ANY fandom's western space sooner or later.

I am not really sure what's about "you do not deserve it" because ONE thing is true; people deserve to know that I am not a very emotionally stable person, THAT I can say as much. There IS a merit to knowing that if people are too nice to me, they are at risk of ending with emotional leech (as in, clingy/expectant person, I've recovered from being abusive friend). I just always felt too embarrassed about even considering the prospect of listing all my mental problems and illnesses in bio/pinned/whatever. It is a private information! But at the same time, maybe slightly stepping at my privacy is better than if it is spread by people who have malicious intentions to begin with. :')

---------------------------------

As for sharing DMs; I agree on this, though. The core problem with such posts is that it doesn't "spread awareness" but rather deliberately makes people not want to give a person any chance to begin with.

You MIGHT be referring to a person, let's call her A, though, who is a special kind of treacherous. I've had a bad paranoid breakdown on May 19th, which I admitted was terrible, and I apologised to her about it in details that same day, I felt awful for scaring and insulting her so. She never reacted to the the apology, however, for the last month proceeded to act neutral, even interacting and starting a convo. I had a slight hunch that she, in fact, never forgave me but only tried to stay "civil", but I decided to trust her out of the fact that she claimed to be blunt and open and honest. So sure, she'd tell me if I've done it, if my words hurt her too much?

Skip a month, and I can't take the paranoid feeling anymore and apologise to her again, additionally asking forgiveness for ruining our chances for friendship, and saying I was willing to give her space. She'd respond all like, 'oh don't worry, I don't think your outburst was ANYONE'S fault, I do not even care about the drama, I am chill and you are always welcomed in my blog, I don't have hard feelings, take care etc'. Then, at the mark of ~40 days since the conflict I've caused and apologised for, she sees someone maliciously attacking me and decides to join in as another "victim of a terrible mistreatment" and share the conversation. And of course she instantly blocked me before I could react.

I think it was a treachery. Pretending to have forgiven me and being "chill" for 40 days, and then suddenly block and provide a "victim's testimony" against me to my enemy, who is malicious? I am well familiar with being too fast to 'forgive' someone and only later realising my wound never healed; but what I'd do is to admit the gravity of the situation in private. And then block! I would not suddenly turn tail when the person is already down, just to add fuel to the fire. I would not add to what obviously is a harassment campaign, especially after 40 days of faking peace. What happened, A.? You saw a witch being burnt, and your Christian instincts kicked in? /hj

---------------------------------

All in all, let's hope that for the final time, truth is settled, and everyone picked the side of the fandom they belong to. Let's hope that we the 'weird' guys are here, and the SJWs are over there, and that we do not cross paths all that much.

[babycakelings]

Putting this after writing all this. This was written just for me and all my brain thoughts. so scroll on past if you wish. This is for me and only me. Anyway, on to what I wrote.

I wish I could just brush shit like this off, but I see it all the time in every fandom and it just annoys me.

So many people who aren't queerbaiting get called it for no reason. So I'm just gonna list off some weird people who are commonly called queerbaiters for the fun of it.

Karl Jacobs has got accused of it so many times just because he's emotional and touchy with his male friends. I don't think I need to list why that's harmful to everyone, pretty self explanatory. But to make it worse, THE MAN IS ON THE ASEXUAL SPECTRUM.

Dream: No matter your opinion on the man or his actions (which to clarify, I personally dislike him) calling him, an openly mlm man, a queerbaiter just because you personally dislike him is just a weird level of homophobia that so many people seem to think is okay. "He can't be queer if he's a bad person" get a grip. That's the kinda attitude that leads to excusing and ignoring racism within the queer community. You can call him a bigot without being homophobic, geez.

Caitlyn Jenner. Same as above. Queer people can just be bad people guys. Doesn't mean she's not actually trans.

Suga from BTS. He's a famous man who lives in a homophobic country who has brought up liking men (and women) on many occasions but has not given any label openly. White young queer Americans say this is for fan service, which is so fucking dumb. There's a difference between a weirdly sexual dance between two men intentionally done in front of a huge audience for screams, and a guy on live stream talking about crushes he had in his all boys middle school. If they can't see the difference their not worth talking too. Asking a queer man in a homophobic country to make a full on coming out is so dangerous and such privileged behavior.

All the members of the K-pop group OnlyOneOf: For those who don't know this group, their an all adult k-pop group who's music explores themes of self discovery, sexual exploration, and navigating relationships. In the past few years their music video's have very explicitly shown this in relation to being queer. (If your not into K-pop, it's good to know the only other person doing anything like this is an openly gay man, who has been attacked on the street over it. So yeah it's a big deal) Dispite this, none of the members are openly gay. Tiktok doesn't like this. The reason this is dumb is the same reason as above.

Any actors who play gay characters but are not queer. Let people act. There's a conversation to be had about letting straight people take roles from queer people, but that doesn't mean it queerbaiting.

Tubbo: Apparently having a boyfriend without calling yourself gay is queerbaiting.

Tommyinnit: I can almost understand this one, except he follows up every gay joke with "I'm straight.' It is actually not possible for him to trick people into thinking he's actually gay. Unless it's his mother apparently. Just let the funky little guy wear his rainbow shoes and shout his allyship from the rooftops in peace people.

Any cross dresser... I mean, really? Just let them dress in their cool as clothes guys.

Obviously, all of these is fucking dumb. Because no matter what people online like to say, it is actually homophobic to accuse any person of not being gay enough or acting to gay for what they actually are. Real people do not owe you any explnation for their identity. You could be forcing someone to out themselves when their not ready, they could just be exploring, they could just be comfortable in themselves. Either way just let them live.

One singular exception: Harry Styles, I'm an ex fan of him, but not because I think he's a "queerbaiter." Again, real people can't queerbait. But what they can do is use the fact they have queer fans to make a profit without using their image to fight for lgbtq+ rights. That is my issue with Harry, he wants to be an icon without actually doing anything risky. And i just have no respect for that. It's fine if he doesn't want to label himself, no one should say otherwise. But no one should be treating the man who won't speak about lgbtq+ rights properly and refuses to release the only song he has where he implies he might like men as a queer icon.

apparently there’s tiktok discourse about whether or not F1NN5TER is queerbaiting. there is no such thing as real people queerbaiting gnc cis people are not queerbaiting get off the internet i bite and tear and devour you ok?

[wonderingwanderingsworld]

I am thinking today about a time before I transitioned when I was friends with another trans guy. We were both sex workers at the time. He took a trip to NYC and invited me to come with him. I was so excited to go, but also worried. He knew I had an on and off crush on him. I was poly but he was monogamous. I brought that up and said I was worried about being in a sexually charged environment with him and didn’t want to wind up having anything happen that would accidentally cross his boundaries. He assured me he would allow no such thing to happen, and off we went. We had a great time, spent time chatting on the rooftop and dawn, and I got to meet a bunch of other great folks. One night after a party we were both drunk. Everyone else had left and I started getting ready to go to bed. He asked me if I wanted a massage. I knew what that really meant and said yes, even though I knew it wasn’t ok. Massage of course escalated into other things. We pushed each other around in a boyish way that was so intoxicating to me at the time. I felt like he saw me for who I was, at a time where that was vanishingly rare. We messed around and had a sort of energetic sex. I know I would have done more if I’d felt more confident about trans bodies, but I felt like if I asked it would have broken the spell and we would have stopped. The next day I was so hyped. I was in an abusive relationship at the time and wanted this to be my ticket out of there. I wanted us to run away together, fuck and stay in hotels on the road until we were whole and healed. He, on the other hand, wanted this to never happen again, or so he said. I wound up telling my husband about it, who at that point seemed like he couldn’t give two fucks about me. He didn’t care. But my friend’s mood significantly darkened when we discussed him telling his wife. Under no circumstances did he want that to happen. He became quite upset at the idea that I might tell her, which I did eventually, long after they split up. Over the ensuing months he told me about the various escapades he had with cis men, jerking some guy off on the dance floor at a gay bar, hooking up with another in his car. He told me that these were ok but hooking up with friends was not. He lied a lot so looking back I have no idea if that was true. I still longed for us to be together.

I feel extra weird about that night. Like, it feels rapey. We discussed that something like that could happen, that I didn’t feel comfortable with it given his relationship agreements, and then once we were drunk he initiated it. Did I want it?? Hell yes. For a long time it stood out as a singular time in which someone sexually interacted with me in a way that I felt seen, though later he denied even that. Internalized homophobia probably. But the rapey part, I don’t know what to do with that and it’s just sort of lingered there. I am writing because somehow I would like to put it to rest. But how?

There’s no question he took advantage of me. It feels so much like a power move - cross my boundaries, see if he can get me to say yes so his ego can get some strokes in. It doesn’t even matter what we do, just that I would be willing to do it. Then discard me and fake innocence.

He was the one that arranged the party. Then suggested the “massage” when everyone was gone. Wondering now what would have happened if I said “no.” Would he have accepted that or pressed on? Gotten aggressive? It tells me a lot that I am even asking those questions. It definitely felt like a power move.

I am remembering now too that his wife didn’t like me. She didn’t stop us from being friends but I think she knew in a way that I didn’t understand at the time that we weren’t really friends, that I was more like his side bitch. But I didn’t feel that way. I felt like we were bros, that he saw me, and that sometimes there would be these gay little sparks that were allowed to fly as long as they weren’t named. UGGGGGHHHHHH. I had another trans guy tell me years later it sounded like he was on the down-low. Yeah pretty much huh.

Ok so rapey. How can it be rape if I wanted it. How can it be rape when I don’t even recall him taking his clothes off. How can it be rape when it was gender affirming. How can it be rape when the next morning I wanted more, and was sad he didn’t want that. It doesn’t make sense.

Thinking now what I would say if someone else shared this with me. I would say, sounds like rape to me. Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean they can’t rape you. Just because you desire sex with someone but don’t want to follow through for xyz reasons doesn’t mean they can’t rape you. He literally waited until I was drunk and we were alone to cross my boundary. That’s gross.

But the other part of me is like yeah, that’s gross, but is it rape?

I would say to someone else, hey. If it doesn’t feel ok for you to call it that, you don’t have to. How does it land in your body now?

I feel a twisting and a sense of disgust. Less violated and more taken advantage of. Like I thought we were actual friends and he just wanted another pawn to play with. How sad. I have been used in this way a number of times. I don’t want that energy in my life any more.

Now I feel like flicking him off of me, like an insect. Just annoying. Which I did do eventually. I take pride in that I sat down with him and told him he had a lying heart. He was a good looking guy but wasn’t loyal to anyone except himself. I’m glad to not have him in my life anymore. I hardly ever think of him except for this still lingering question. I would really like to put it to bed.

Right now I think that I can’t. All I can say is that at minimum that interaction feels gross, that I feel taken advantage of, and that I’m glad he’s no longer around me. I don’t think he’s in any way a sincere person and I’m so glad he’s not in my life. I don’t wish him anything except distance.

I’m annoyed I can’t do more to get rid of this. But thankful for the space to air it out. This still bothers me and maybe I can own that I have a right to that. That feels better.

I am thinking that I don’t want to feel empowered or validated anymore by this gross situation. That I wanna release. I also wanna ponder more on how I have more room for men I consider good looking or desirable to harm me, like my self worth is so low I feel like I wouldn’t deserve intimacy with them otherwise. Yuck.

[jack-bytez-genuine-corner]

you don’t have to experience the heightened levels of oppression that a black queer does. someone who is black AND queer are doubly harassed because of the color of their skin (something they also cannot change) AND their sexuality. i’m sorry you had to face homophobia in high school, nobody should have to experience that, but that was exclusive to you being gay. it wasn’t exclusive to you being gay AND white. can you imagine being harassed for being gay AND black??? can you imagine walking down the street and someone calling you the n-word because of the color your skin and then calling you a fag on top of that????? the idea of intersectionality is very real for black and brown queers and for white queers to act like asking you guys to acknowledge the white privileges you have shouldn’t be that difficult for you to understand. we sympathize with you for the oppression that you’ve faced as a gay man but why can’t you do the same for us when we have to live every day being black AND queer? that’s literally all they were saying and to derail a post that is very true like that, does so much more harm to black and brown queers in ways that i don’t think you understand. again, i feel like you were trying in good faith and that’s the way i’m coming to you but if you weren’t, then op had every right to block you because it is exhausting having to explain why being black and queer is dangerous in the world without white people telling us our experiences don’t matter.

I failed to keep this short so no one is going to read it but here it is after 7 revisions:

* If you feel the need to explain these things than I regret to inform you: I know. POC face outsized oppression for simply existing in America and they often times get silenced and shoved to the side. I actively aided in a local, small BLM rally and gave out water. I held a sign and that's all I did, because it isn't really my place to speak or advocate to others when the people who are directly affected should have that power instead. I've been to rallies and really internalize the fact that it isn't my place to speak, so I don't. That's why I said nothing that is close to undermining the struggles POC face, cause I've actively seen it and heard it from victims. I've seen and heard the terrible state of reservations in the US. But OP was undermining the struggles, and deaths of others on the basis of their skin which is a thing that nobody should be doing. And if you want to act like that didn't happen, their response I believe speaks for itself in it's entirety with a blanket refusal to read an inch of what I wrote. They could not give a singular fuck less about the struggles of others is the vibe I got and still have.

* I thought a lot about what to even post on this ask and on OPs post and made several drafts, but would delete them cause "It's not my place to speak" but when what I'm seeing is "The events I experienced don't matter cause of my skin color" I decided to post it. The only mistake I made is the assumption that the average person is capable of kindness, when really a majority of people are selfish and don't care about ANY issue unless it hits them directly, and I'm the weird one for actively caring about issues that don't affect me in the slightest. It's my bad for assuming there's any level of nuance online, any room for thought that isn't, ultimately, echochambers.

* The active statement I saw from OP read a lot closer to "White people who suffer oppression don't REALLY suffer" which actively carries weight for the oppressor by undermining any oppression as being acceptable as long as the victim is white. Can you get more oppressed than dead? Cause under OP's logic a dead white trans woman is actively less tragic than a living Black trans woman. That's not intersectionality and recognizing white privilege, that's victim blaming someone in regards to their race, because you're ACTIVELY minimizing the violence on a racial basis which not only defends the oppressor but actually minimizes the perception of white privilege, cause ultimately I'd agree with the economic, legal, business, political, religious, historical, healthcare advantages of white privilege but I think the line of that ends when someone is straight up murdered for being trans, is denied that opportunity to work because they married a man. Because if it's the EXACT SAME oppression, should it matter less cause they aren't getting pulled over at random by racist cops? Should it matter less cause they technically have a better chance at better funded education years ago as a kid? Cause white people DO get opportunities POC do not on a completely BS basis, but is that so strong that it's straight up acceptable to say that a white queer who gets fired for being trans, gets kicked out of their house as a 13 year old for being gay is just not that bad, and if they talk about that experience they are stealing the opportunity for POC to talk. Should white queers just never talk about any oppression they face, cause that's the read I've gotten from those I've known since I've been aware I'm gay. Is that really the message that should be internalized, cause that's what I read time and time again: If you talk about your experience you are directly harming POC so you need to sit down, shut up and just never talk about how you got beat for your sexuality because then YOU'RE the oppressor.

* This is the only time in my life I've EVER talked about the harassment i received from bigots IRL online, and I excluded a lot still because I get told to sit down and shut up on this. I want you to REALLY think about why I don't talk about it when I'll appear as a racist (Or an oppressor, you pick) cause I'm silencing others by just stating my own experience. The only people I've told about it IRL I can count on one hand, and the only post I make of it online I'm STILL downplaying it in an attempt to not suck oxygen out of the room for other voices SOLELY BECAUSE I'm white and therefore feel like I can't talk about it without silencing others who have it worse. The only reason I brought it up to begin with was that OP unabashedly undermined a thing that took a lot of years of my life to get over, and then when given that experience, basically told me to fuck off. That's not just a lack of kindness, it's straight up enough to make me depressed for a whole night and really attack the idea of allyship is worth it when the people who claim they care about this exact issue are just straight up willing to say that A experience doesn't matter cause of the color of someone's skin. That's the direct read I got, and I know I should try to be better and try to make sure people who are oppressed in ways I'm not get help and are allowed to just exist without fear of persecution, but I've never felt more slapped in the face than when I read that. Cause ultimately, nobody wants to be told their struggles don't matter. The struggles and oppression of POC I honestly rank as one of the most important issues facing society, cause it's criminal how many Black neighborhoods are treated as not important to upkeep, not important to give clean water to, not important to give quality healthcare to, let alone the sadistic violence committed onto those communities by those who should be helping them ala cops and government. It's fucked up beyond belief that having a Spanish or Korean last name can get your resume shredded when applying for a job, it's not right that Black people get discriminated against in home loans. These are horrible, deep issues and I don't need to tell you that, as there's endless amounts of Black people who are more educated on those topics who can explain it and tell you how they would fix it. It's not my place to do that speaking so I don't, but I never intended, nor think I did, undermine their struggles. However it's beyond screwed up that real people's real, horrific deaths don't matter cause of the color of their skin. After all, the oppressed person was white, so it's more acceptable and less tragic.

(As a tangent, you're downplaying what I experienced just as much as OP did, cause I'm not "Doubly oppressed" like it's some sick competition. I don't believe for a nanosecond that you're sorry for that either, cause again, I'm not in your immediate in group and therefore, as an other, my problems aren't really that important.)

[scoupsahoy]

ryan's bad opinion corner

ive outgrown fighting with people on the internet about celebrities and i also do not give a shit about which celebrities people like or dislike. seriously.

however i think it's so insane when people (specifically young, white, american queer kids) decide that people like harry styles or taylor swift are somehow doing harm to the lgbt community when there are actual real people doing actual real harm to the lgbt community. you guys are so lame.

to imply that harry styles "benefits" or "profits" off of being perceived as queer "while never confirming it" is so fucking weird it's actually astounding. i keep seeing stuff like "he gets praised by the media for being gender nonconforming while REAL gender nonconforming people suffer" and it's like. ok

1. isn't the point of people, including cishet men, not adhering to pointless gender structures......... the whole thing? like isn't that what we want? isn't that what normalizing shit is for?

2. are we pretending that harry styles has ever said he's straight? and i literally don't mean this in a tinhat way but did we forget that literally in the past three months he was asked if he was queer because he's "only publicly dated women" and his response was like "well i've never publicly dated anyone, my life is just extremely public". like to say he's one thing or another is extremely disingenuous to queer people who are in the closet. what? are you saying that people have to come out to be gay? or to even be perceived a specific way? is that not fucking counterintuitive

3. are we pretending that the world is not still genuinely a homophobic place? this is where i'm addressing young white queer americans like. i know for the past three years youve been stuck in your house and youre under the impression that the whole world is cool with gay people but You Are Wrong. i live in boston and i'm still not out to my family that i'm nonbinary. i sometimes panic holding my girlfriend's hand in public. living and existing as a queer person as an adult who really really remembers public attitude before gay marriage was legalized across the united states has shaped me in ways i am genuinely glad younger people (in Some Communities) don't have to experience. but that's like. not how the whole world is?? like and i'm just talking about myself here and other non-famous people. like i do not give a shit about harry styles' or taylor swift's sexualities, but consider for a moment that they were queer. please open your eyes if you can't see that it would be GENUINELY difficult to come out?? i don't care how many fans they have. to be like "well <insert other artist here> did it and they handled the backlash" is soooo weird. like telling ME i have to come out to my dad just because other people come out to their dads. you're so weird you're so weird

4. listen you guys weren't there. like you weren't there in like 2011 when harry was like 17 and an article came out that harry had slept with 410 women? this was like a year after he was pursued by caroline flack, who was twice his age, and in the middle of the height of people thinking he was fucking his bandmate like. if you think that guy is going to just. talk about his interpersonal relationships openly, especially if he isn't straight or could be criticized about it in any public way, you are just. willfully ignorant for no reason. and extremely weird.

5. acting like it's anyone but the media's fault that harry styles is praised for his gender presentation where sam smith is not is shifting the blame to a really pointless place. like. acting like the enemy is one singular man and not an entire industry does not make the enemy go away or easier to defeat. in fact you're making it harder. and you're dumb as hell.

this kind of shit pisses me off to no end bc like. harry styles is probably kind of a douchebag at least and his comment at the grammys was weird and tonedeaf but like. not because his outfit "wasn't queer enough" or because he's "openly straight" and i can't believe queer people are at the center of the conversation to complain about a seemingly cishet white man <checks notes> profiting (somehow) off of "being perceived as queer" (wearing an ugly outfit) when they've definitely never participated in active lgbt community work in their lives. i became a way better person when i started volunteering and working with and meeting queer people and ignored weird internet discourse. maybe if you do the same you'll forget to give a fuck about some white man in a jumpsuit and whether or not he's queerbaiting you