#which is stupid because. he isn't even a twink

[milolovesbmc]

Hey Falsettos fandom. Is this your "twink"?

[littledead-ridinghood]

sorry if this is a weird question to drop on you you were just the first person I thought of who might know but do you know if it's canon/canonically-based evidence that jason is physically stronger than other bats because I always see people say jason is the one with "brute strength" and I can't remember if that's based on anything besides people saying that as a nicer way to call him a brute(maybe it was on lobdells stuff? but I wiped most of those out of my memory)

You thought of me first? <333333 I'm blushing. And it's not weird at all! Even if it was, I love answering weird shit.

Anyway:

So part of Jason being considered "the muscle" of the bats comes from the fact that Jason's currently the biggest of the robins. (Adult!Damian is usually drawn as the tallest of the kids when all is said n' done (that's vague for "age")).

Well, how big then?

I always go with this chart which was released while UtRH was being released:

(I Love this! I wish DC still did little info things like this within their comics. Or maybe they do and I'm just blind. But Look! Canonical Information!)

So canonically speaking, at least when running around pre-crisis, Jason is 6 feet tall and 180 pounds. (Also note criminal mastermind and put a pin in it)

But you've probably heard 200 & 220 thrown around a lot. Those numbers are specifically pulled from two different DC character encyclopedia books which I don't trust at all because there notoriously filled with false information and are dubbed as not canon all the time.

Personally, I use the 6', 180-195 pound range which estimates for fluctuating weight, the passage of time, muscle mass, and minimum bulk & cutting (which I assume is part of most superheroes' training to stay in fighting form, but please recognize that vigilantes are more athlete than bodybuilder) because it's from a canon source (Canon is "king" and all that). No shame to people who use the other numbers or even headcanon something completely different, but again, vigilantes are predominantly running all over cities day after day, not stagnant weight lifters. Cardio vs weights body compositions are quite different even if both are healthy. (And it's not all "swimmer's body illusion" either (they have that body because they swim? No, they swim because they have that body.)

How much muscle mass a person can maximally obtain is up to your genetics. But that max only comes with constant maintainment. It's not feasible for Jason to be doing all that cardio and also have that much muscle mass and fat. Cardio burns "fat" (calories), weights build muscle. We constantly see the former and former-adjacent workouts more than the latter with him. Jason is running across rooftops, flipping off them before falling into a shoulder roll onto the next roof over chasing after bad guys every night. The number of calories he'd have to eat and time put into lifting weights (too many reps a week lead to damage, not growth) to maintain his max (max being what a lot of weights category athletes try to achieve which Jason just hasn't been shown to be (except in his jailbird phase where he could literally only lift weights, read, and avoid being killed to pass the time)) isn't possible.

Using comic art to "prove" how much he weighs doesn't work either. Firstly, because everyone wears weight differently. Two people can be the same height, weight, and sex and look completely different. This is due to different body types, composition, genetics, diet, (what kind of) exercise, and many other factors. Assuming someone thinner is automatically "super light" doesn't factor in different body compositions (fat, muscle, bone percentages). (yes, I know it's stupid to apply science to comics. There's my digression. let me live). Secondly, Jason (just like everything else about him) isn't drawn consistently at all. Sometimes he's pretty damn massive, but we also have Twink and Twunk Jason (DC can't even decide on hair color? Do you think they're gonna decide on his body?).

So, comic book art isn't super reliable as evidence unless we want to theorize if, how, and why he seems to fluctuate between weights all the time (<- Which I have a whole headcanon about if anyone's curious), especially in comparison to the others because, seriously, it's totally a Jason thing. Most characters are pretty consistent in body type. Anyway, someone could argue "See! he is 210!" but it's also not for a long enough period to stick around :/ Again, hard to consistently maintain that much weight as a 6-foot-tall, cardio-based athlete.

Also note: DC is horrible when it comes to weight-to-height lineups. A woman hero can be ~5'7'' and then we're told she's 110 lbs which Fact 1. is considered underweight for this kind of height-to-sex ratio, Fact 2. probably isn't factoring in the fact that muscle is heavier than fat, she just "looks thin", and 3. Usually, totally, absolutely is just blatant sexism.

Really, the numbers don't seriously mean anything of actual substance because their comics, are unreliable, and also usually just...scientifically wrong. But Jason's perception on page, as well as the information we've been told, is one reason he's considered "brute strength first and foremost."

Furthermore, Jason has been shown repeatedly to be on par with Bruce (even when Jason, most of the time, plays defense in their physical fights) but many people chalk this up to him and Bruce having similar physiques making it "easier". Again, counter-productive argument because Bruce and Jason have been drawn very similarly before in stories as well as completely different from each other in others. Also, this purposefully, blatantly ignores Jason's actual skills. No one chalks Dick Grayson or Cassandra Cain beating Bruce up to their body types. Moreover, when Bruce and Jason are drawn similarly in body, no one refers to Bruce as "Brute Strength" either. Bruce gets to be tactical, strategic, clever. (Also Also: In Pre-Crisis, Bruce, Dick, and Jason are deliberately drawn to look similar (height, mass, looks, etc.) to get that Brothers in Blood effect. Still, No one chalks the formers up to all strength. Just Jason)

And that brings us to your question, Anon: Is there canonical evidence for Jason being stronger than the other Bats?

Remember how I told you to put a pin in that "Occupation: Criminal Mastermind" note? Well, first off, Jason creating jobs for his community. Go off, king. Second off, and more importantly so, "Mastermind": a person who supplies the directing or creative intelligence for a project (Merriam-Webster).

When Jason was first re-introduced, what made Jason dangerous was that he was highly skilled and smart. He was playing with both Black Mask and Batman like a cat batting a toy mouse. He orchestrated an entire "slow-growing" takeover of Gotham's underworld (he was actually very quick about it). Jason controlled the situation and planned so well that he had the villains and heroes who were both after him fighting each other so he could slip away and do what he actually needed to do.

Throughout Jason's history, he's always had tools with him when he fights. To the point that Bruce says to Jaybin "You won't always have this" cutting his utility belt, insinuating he relies too much on it, which Jason returns the favor to on his return and fights B hand to hand <3 Love a cocky callback. Furthering this, he knows many, many different fighting styles and techniques both from life experience and from extensive training. Jason's a quick learner by nature and is incredibly adaptive. Guns; knives; swords; pens; sets bombs to specifically implode, not explode; makeshift gadgets; a baseball bat just laying around; a tire jack that one time; brains. I could go on. Jason doesn't just hit things. He uses what he has as a means to an end. He's canonically known as one of the best strategists in-universe and is incredibly creative with his surroundings. Jason isn't just great at extensive, long-term planning either. Bruce himself has remarked on the fact that Jason thinks incredibly quickly on his feet, he's really good at improvisation. Concisely, he has plans A-G and if all those fail, he can pull something out of nothing. Contrast this with Bruce who needs to have a plan for everything. Even if it doesn't look like he's following a plan, Bruce is. Opposed to Jason who can go with the flow and figure it out along the way.

Jason even said this in present-era in TFZ:

And that's the whole point, isn't it? Jason is strong. Incredibly so. He's big and tall and has gorgeous thighs. Not to mention, has a mean right hook. But just because Jason's strong doesn't mean he isn't a bat first and foremost who relies on his brain before anything else. He died 4'6 (on his death certificate, his height varies depending on what source you pull) and famously had to defend himself his entire life ever before being Robin. Being young and small and forced to survive shaped Jason into a quick thinker who could either get away or take enemies 10x his size down. Nowadays, he just has a longer reach.

In Event Levithan when Damian says: "Jason Todd is one of the Great Master fighters of all time" He doesn't say strongest because Damian doesn't mean strongest. Damian means adaptable, smart, capable, and well-rounded in skill.

While I don't doubt that Jason is most definitely one of the strongest Bats due to his size, what makes Jason dangerous is not his body, but the fact that he knows how to use it. It's not "Brute Strength" as many people like to say, it's Strategic Strength. He knows just because he's stronger than someone doesn't mean he'll always win. A la see panels above. Jason knows throwing his body around won't do anything of real, long-term substance. That it's just blindsided and stupid.

I'm sure if I looked I could pull panels where other bats and/or vigilantes refer to Jason as the muscle, brute (strength), all brawn (no brain), other such implications, etc, but whenever people do, it's always to undermine Jason's skill. Because it's not actually about his strength. Jason, with his taller, more built form, makes walking quiet seem easy. And it looks easy because he's good. Jason himself knows his skill set, it's everyone else that undermines him time and time and time again. (Again, Event Levithan, Bruce doesn't agree with Damian's statement even though Jason just outsmarted the six or so people who all just tried to take him down (for something Jason didn't even do, mind you))

But, again from Damian, Jason's not known as "the muscle," he's "the emotional one" also usually used to...degrade Ja--We can't have anything nice apparently is what I'm saying. But yes, when people refer to Jason as "Brute Strength" it's usually them trying to find a nicer way of saying Brute or "thinks with his fists" or "Jason hits first, asks questions later." It's in the same vein as when people say "Jason likes books" as short-hand for "see, he's smart at something" rather than acknowledging that Jason achieved a degree's worth of knowledge in comp-sci by age 13.

Anyway Smart and Strong Jason, my beloved. I wish DC & others loved you as much as Rosenburg and the teams of artists he's been working with do.

[katamaricule]

What is dmbj? I've googled it but idk if it's one of those 'I love it and recommend it' shows or a 'I love it - pls never watch it <3' kinda show yk lol

Is there an answer somewhere in the middle? Because that's where it should go.

DMBJ is a franchise based on a set of novels by an author we'll call NPSS. These are mostly first-person tales narrated by a spoiled little dipshit named Wu Xie, as he and his friends go on tomb-raiding adventures, encounter supernatural obstacles, and learn about all the ways snakes don't work. The series has several giant holes in it, as NPSS tends to get bored and wander off mid-story. Several dramas and movies have tried to adapt various pieces of this gap-ridden, wholly unresolved saga, to varying degrees of success.

So to answer your question: There are installments of DMBJ that are a hoot that you should watch, and then there are installments of DMBJ that are also a hoot but you shouldn't watch before you have an affection for the franchise as a whole, and then there are installments of DMBJ that you should not watch even if you are a fan of the franchise because they are just not worth your time.

The problem is, not everybody agrees on what goes in which category. But if you're interested and want to give it a go, these are my personal takes on what's what, in chronological order of events as they happen in the series:

The Mystic Nine

Good starting place: Yeah, actually!

Requires prior knowledge: Nope

Actual ending: No resolution whatsoever

Wu Xie: He's not in this one

Best part: Charming characters you love or love to hate

Warning: Very cheaply produced, with cuts that render significant parts of the story incoherent

Worth watching: Yes, if you're willing to accept the jankiness

The Lost Tomb

Good starting place: Weirdly, no, considering that it's the first series they made

Requires prior knowledge: Not really

Actual ending: Oh, heavens no

Wu Xie: Cardboard twerp, kinda cute

Best part: There's ... some antics, I guess?

Warning: Makes some bizarre additions, condenses several books, just ... isn't very good

Worth watching: Not especially

The Lost Tomb 2

Good starting place: You could do worse

Requires prior knowledge: Some, but who knows if it helps?

Actual ending: Ha ha ha you're funny

Wu Xie: Breathtaking idiot twink street-parking a Maserati

Best part: Wu Xie and Pangzi are in love

Warning: Interminable bronze tree plotline, incomprehensible timeline especially at the ending

Worth watching: Sure, but bring a book for the long stretches

The Lost Tomb 2: Explore With the Note

Good starting place: It doesn't matter, because you're not going to watch this one

Requires prior knowledge: It can't save you

Actual ending: Nothing of the sort

Wu Xie: Shove that whiny nerd in a locker

Best part: There is no best part

Warning: Don't do this to yourself

Worth watching: What do you think

Ultimate Note

Good starting place: It seems like no at first, but it actually is!

Requires prior knowledge: It helps, but you can get by without it

Actual ending: Complete cliffhanger

Wu Xie: Precious muffin

Best part: Everyone is so cute, also heihua

Warning: Tonally way goofier than the other series

Worth watching: Yes! This one's so fun

Tomb of the Sea/Sand Sea

Good starting place: If you like things on Hard Mode

Requires prior knowledge: The main character doesn't have any, so why should you?

Actual ending: It thinks it does, but it's stupid and slapdash and leaves a million loose ends

Wu Xie: Mafia widow (also he's not the main character)

Best part: Seeing from the outside how fucked-up the whole Tomb Raiding Industrial Complex is

Warning: A hot mess, but occasionally a beautiful one

Worth watching: Yes, but maybe save it for later

Reunion: The Sound of the Providence

Good starting place: Shockingly, yes

Requires prior knowledge: No, though it recontextualizes everything once you know more

Actual ending: Yes! Holy shit! We got an ending here!

Wu Xie: Consumptive angel with a gun

Best part: Some truly impressive performances from Actual Actors, Wu Xie and Pangzi are married

Warning: Honestly, just watch this one first so you don't know what you're missing, because once you do, you can't unsee it

Worth watching: Definitely

I hope that ... helps? Or at least doesn't make your confusion worse?

[joffyworld]

COTL Freaky Tierlist

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP CHUCKLEFUCKS

I'm about to drop some life changing lore and if you can't handle it, that's tough titties my brothers, sisters and theys. If you don't agree with this tier list, you're either a normal person (in which case why are you here run for the hills) or you're so damn freaky that God forgot that was possible when he made me.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, FROM LEAST TO MOST FREAKY:

F:

Kallamar - Need I say more? This loveable twink is soft as his husbands knickers and by God would we not have him any other way. This fucker can't even fathom anything beyond the most painfully dull missionary imaginable, and that's just as an excuse to cuddle more afterwards. "But Joffy" I hear you say, "He's a renowned slut he should be in A!" Wrong. He couldn't be more vanilla, it's all an act and anyone with more than 3 spouses is just fucking lying at that point. Cmon, he may be a God, but deep inside that cowards octopussy is a love for the mundane.

D:

Heket - Controversial I know. But hear me out here. Heket has spent all her life getting fucked by life, she has literally no time for your stupid fleshy appendages, and to top it off she's the most desperately useless lesbian this side of the lands of the old faith. Renowned from Darkwood to Anchordeep, this bitch is fucking stupid when it comes to "rizzing a shawty" and it shows because she spends all her time yapping about the good ol' days. She's only slightly freakier than Kallamar because she's probably into being burned by cigarettes or some shit, but let's face facts. Inexperience guides this poor phrog into the D tier, despite her aversion to "D" to begin with.

Leshy - This stupid dumb stupid worm barely knows that sex exists, and if you asked him what his favourite position is he'd say "1st" and then promptly challenge you to a footrace. The God of Chaos has no time for ropes and rails, but he's at least got a good heart and is pretty gay for that cat. I've watched this stupid fucker get divorced in two different AU's because he couldn't live with the guilt, you think he's surviving post-nut clarity? No. Enough said, he's keeping it clean and calm in the bedroom, and that cat couldn't be happier about that considering his daily life is fucking mental. Keep the Chaos outside, inside? Domestic worm only.

C:

Goat - Now this is where it gets tricky, you might think that the gruff exterior of a mass murdering psychopath is enough to demonstrate a willingness to get tied upside down and spank the monkey till the sun don't shine. But brother, let me tell you, it ain't fuckin true. Don't get me wrong, this goat can fuck, and boy does he, but most of the time it's all bark no bite in the flirting department. Easily flustered, puts up an external image of punk-rock to hide that he's an utter cinnamon bun, the whole works. That being said, with a long term partner? Buckle up. That crown isn't dildo-purple for no reason, prepare for bliss and potential bliss-ters.

B:

Lamb - OKAY HOLD YOUR HORSES this is gonna be a tough one. You've gotta be thinking, that's either wayyy too high for this silly lil fella, or wayyy to low for this absolute cock devouring demon, but let me remind you, this one here is subjective. This is the only character I've seen written as everything from an asexual to a violent and sadistic cannibal, so what fairer rating than the exact middle? It truly does depends, if you're on your "cannibalism is routine and fun" shit then you're gonna be rocketing right up there, straight to S baby, unless you have some kind of twisted mentality you need checked by a licensed psychiatrist to somehow think that's tame; not to shame it mind you. But if you're more on the side of the lamb's that typically get posted by a cuter artist, than you're gonna be rocking a D or even an F. This little fuzzy fucker is traumatized, some type of gay no matter what, and certainly a wildcard, and what better way to celebrate that then with a middle-of-the-road approach? Besides, their most famous partner is certainly a bit more repressed, which leads us to:

A:

Narinder - Are we surprised? This fuzzy little furball has been trapped in prison for 1000 years with his two kids and NOTHING ELSE to do except hope he can get back on the market. The moment he's freed, it's gonna be hell unleashed, but thankfully 99% of the time he's either so angry or so oblivious it turns into a slowburn of passion with his fuzzy lil sheepguy that he definitely "doesn't" have a thing for. But, as the well versed know, this motherfucker has seen shit, and being the God of Death is gonna give you a weird taste in, well, "tastes" than a normal life will. I mean really, the guys fuckin surrounded by miserable dead people all day, he needs stress relief and his enthusiasm for revenge borders on the horny-sided. This guy fucks, but mostly gets fucked, and remains The One Who Bottoms in almost every AU. Cmon people, if you've read this far you've fuckin seen it with your own eyes, do I really to lecture about it more?

S:

The Mura™ - The fucker that started it all. I bet until now you thought I wouldn't include this loveable spider and awful mother-sibling of 4, but here we are. This goddamn spider has single-parented a family of genocidal psychopaths since history started being recorded, and to match that then had to almost literally kill one of their own brother-kid-things to save the others. Stressed and in need of relief? Check. You know what makes a motherfucker freaky? Repression, and this spider is goddamn dripping in it (pun intended) and is ready to burst. I myself may be a Shamura aroace truther, but if I have to put a letter on it, it's 100% in the universes where this spider fucks. Copulates, eats your head, kills your family mid-coitus, the whole shebang, but boy is that gonna be the best last nut you'll ever bust. This spider's an expert, literally the God of War and by God are they gonna wage war on your holes, not to mention ALSO being the God of Wisdom? I mean come on, somebody had to write the Kama Sutra, and it was this horny bastard

And that's it

You may have questions, you may have alternative takes, to be honest I'll probably change my mind the moment I hit post and remember that actually Heket deepthroated a glizzy on the 5th of October last year, but honestly? Who gives a shit. These gods be gay people, that's all that matters.

Goodnight, Lamb Bless, and may you never encounter The Mura during ovulation. Godspeed soldiers, amen.

[bijoumikhawal]

I've gotten tired of making a post like this every few months so let's just fire a few of these off, and feel free to add on! Tropes you should at minimum reconsider using when you write or talk about Julian Bashir:

Mentions of "harem" pants, "Arabian nights" aesthetics, etc. These are improper terminology (that feeds into racist ideas) for real things, and when using that terminology those things are often being misrepresented. For my part, if you would actually like to know about the material culture of the Middle East and North Africa, I'm a "hobby" researcher of that very topic and will readily answer asks about it- with the caveat that I mostly know about Egypt, and I'm not the best person to ask about Sudanese specific culture even though I know a little, and I don't know much about Indian or Pakistani fashion (mentioning because these seem to be the most common cultures brought up around Julian).

comparisons to monkeys, apes, the word "simian". This should be obvious but it happens a fair amount, and it's almost comedic given a common trope is to comment on how much Garak hates being compared to a lizard.

This is separate but the way some people use mammalian tips from writing xenofic and trying to understand how an alien would think and categorize things into something that feels very exoticifying. It's not a "full stop, do not do this" but it is something I've noticed

Jokes about how undesirable Julian is. He's the exception that proves the rule about fandom's obsession with white twinks and a rare example of a brown nerd who isn't pinned into the "Couldn't sleep with a woman if they were the last two people on earth" box. I'm not saying we can't make fun of how he flirts just- Stay clear of Raj BBT territory

Conversely: my most hated garashir trope is when the author makes Julian's libido a problem by making him inconsiderate, cruel, and outright manipulative in service of his dick, and the writing often makes it clear they're connecting this to his masculinity. Julian does do some really stupid shit when it comes to his relationships, but this particular way of trying to incorporate this into writing him is just OOC, and you need to not confuse writing Julian's canonical robust and healthy sex life with negative stereotypes about lecherous Black and brown men. There's fics that pull off Julian being a bit of a dick or manipulative well- such as Salt the Earth or the ageswap series (at least where I last left off on it).

making his eyes green or blue. I have the same eye color as Siddig, more or less, and while it's technically hazel (or olive, as some people call it) most people think it's brown and most lighting makes it look brown. If you look at screencaps of Julian, you'll notice it also most of the time, looks brown. This sounds minor if you haven't experienced it, but it has a real and very negative impact on people's self image.

Older one but to be clear: if you're writing Julian as explicitly Muslim, find and replacing "god" with "allah" in English text is not how Muslims (or Arabic speakers in general) use the word? It is really funny to read, but please...

Over focusing on Julian as British. There's a long, LONG conversation that could be had about the dynamics of assimilation and how European racism (ime) very specifically views it as progressive to strip people of their culture and thinks they're causing the problem if they don't go along with it that would need its own post and which I've had with white fans before and feel exhausted thinking about- but to put it simply, there is no such thing as "just British", even for white Englishmen.

Yes the inverse is also wrong but I really haven't read a fic newer than 2014 guilty of that lmao and I think some of the more recent complaints about it are overblown, given I've read only a few fics recently published that delve into Julian as a Brown/African Person and I enjoyed them

I would personally appreciate it if fic writers were a little more balanced about cultural discussions honestly. If you write a lot about Cardassian culture, it'd be nice if Julian’s background was discussed. I won't say that kind of research is easy (again, I do this as a "hobby" that's very important to me, it's actually really annoying and difficult sometimes), but it is possible. I recently talked about how not doing this kind of mentally slots Julian into a "white guy" role.

This is not a matter of me policing your "artistic expression". I have no control over what you do. I would just like for fandom, a hobby I do for fun, to be a place where people stop being racist in a way that directly impacts me.

[bendrownedbodypillow]

I think you should absolutely rant about Marble Hornets characters being watered down for shipping actually 👍

Okay so I'm gonna start with Jay, because my boy had the worst mischaracterization since Twink Masky (that's a different can of worms that I will be going into later).

Now, obviously, Jay is flawed, he makes bad decisions, and posting someone's medical documentation online is a BAD IDEA‼️‼️but that doesn't make him stupid. He's obviously not stupid, he's a flawed character, but the problem with how he's watered down is that they make him stupid, and they twink him out as well, they make him seem like this helpless pissbaby that needs Tim or Brian or Alex to save him when he lasted YEARS without them, and on the topic of Tim, they make him out to seem like this heartless bastard with nothing to offer but scatching remarks.

Tim is a complex, dynamic character, but he's interpretated as this awful guy, or the lord Himself, there's no in-between where we recognize that he's, at baseline, A Normal Guy, does he have issues? Yes! Do they make him evil and a moral lost cause? No! They don't, because he's a dynamic character with growth, and him and Jay are pushed in the the Grumpy x Sunshine box like Jay is anywhere NEAR sunshine, they're both struggling, they're both leaning on each other, and hot take, extreme paranoia on both ends doesn't scream Grumpy x Sunshine to me, and onto Alex, he's not the evil guy people think he is, again, he's flawed, everyone in Marble Hornets is flawed, that's what makes their characters so interesting! Alex was going fucking THROUGH IT, he was doing what he thought was right, he was trying to help, he was desperate, he's not this crazed murderer, he cared about his friends so much that he died for them, that doesn't scream horrible person to me, and not to mention, he was doing his fucking best even before Slenderman, he loved his friends, he loved his family, his girlfriend, and one by one, he lost them all, he lost everyone after trying to save them, even Brian, as Ray of Sunshine as hes treated (which isn't wrong, he's absolutely full of friendliness and kindness) is deeply flawed, and as much as we all love him, stalking people is pretty fucked up, and I'm sorry, but if you want uwu twinks in your media, read Boyfriends on webtoon and leave grown men ALONE

And I do think alot of the twinkifying comes from fat phobia (internalized or not), but that's a conversation for another day

[sweetshelluvaau]

Taking a break from doing Helluva Boss redesigns to do some Hazbin Hotel ones because my brain was screaming inside telling me to draw Lilith which ended up be deciding to drawing Lucifer as well! I Also finished up my redesign of Charlie but I'm gonna give them their own dedicated post

Like always, notes under the cut. Drawn in Clip Studio Paint and with Photoshop CS6 for final touches. Okay to reblog, Feedback is encourage.

About the canon designs and personalities:

Lucifer: Honestly, I don't mind Lucifer's design too much outside of the fact it falls under the typical Viziziepop's Twink she likes to draw. I do think overall, the Ringleader idea she was going for is there, sorta. That being said: I have it out for that top hat. Not necessarily the fact he's wearing one he's one of the few characters I don't mind wearing one more than the accessories with it. Between the stupid crown, snake and apple it just...doesn't work for me.

As for his portrayal in the show: I happen to like Lucifer in Hazbin I think he's a fun character even though I do have problems as I'm about to address. Jeremy Jordan seemed like one of the few voice actors that sounded like he was having fun playing his character suppose to just being there for a paycheck (I mean, he was there for that but still). I know people complain that he sounds too young which I do agree I do think Jordan could have gave him a slightly deeper voice along with his design looking as if he was a bit older; but considering that he's over, what? Eons years old with an angelic background, I'll give it a pass.

I'm iffy on his backstory, or at least how it's handled in the show. Lucifer being an 'innocent' dreamer with good intentions doesn't necessarily bother me too much and his punishment for giving humanity freewill has an irony to it so no problems there. However I do have problems with how as the character that's suppose to be the cause of all sin, the fucking Devil himself and the ruler of Hell; isn't treated like such. Yeah I know he misses his wife Tails, he misses her a lot but c'mon man, you're the King of Hell and The Sin of Pride! In the pilot he seemed to have a more sinister, or at the least threating presence from the little we saw of him.

Also, you took the Pride out of the Sin of Pride? Where's his bite? What are you doin' Viv!?

This is a problem I have with Helluva as well where the Sins, or at least the case for Bee and Ozzie season two onward is that the show is too afraid to make even the more lax, 'nicer' of the Sins not being threating or a bit of dicks sometimes Mammon withstanding because Vivienne is worried that she'll risk them coming across as unlikeable which is bullshit considering how people love asshole characters when they're written right or are fun. Helluva's Mammon is proof right there the fandom love him and Ozzie, as brief as it was in Season One had a banger of a 'villain' song where he and Fizz drag three of the main cast member's sex lives just because he fucking can and says he dislikes 'lovely dovey' crap which is a bit hypocritical considering how much he smitten with his Jester Boyfriend (You two were all touchy and that nuzzle at the end they aren't fooling anyone lol) why did you take away their bite and turned Fizz into such a wimp I miss my little chaotic gay gremlin man... but I'm getting a head of myself.

I don't mind Lucifer and by extension the Sins themselves NOT being evil; in fact I like the idea of them being morality dubious/having questionable morality along with them having a bit of 'humanity' to them, makes them more interesting as characters, but to take away their bite or having 'good' sins and 'bad' sins (ranted about that here) just sounds like a cheap copout and takes away any nuance to the whole idea of sin to begin with being how Hazbin is suppose to be a story about redemption and if a sinner CAN be redeemed. Granted a poorly constructed story that misses the mark horribly, but I digest.

Overall, I do like Lucifer as a character but I wouldn't have 'woobified' him if that makes sense.

Lilith: Her design is...meh. Her dress is pretty, sure; but it's like a normal ballgown. I like the idea of the horns.

...That's all I got to say honestly.

Since we don't know much about her personality in the show yet outside of hints that she 'thrived' in Hell and her and Lucifer were separated by the time the story happened, there's not much for me to say on this front. Prior to the show dropping (or maybe just the pilot), Vivienne hinted that they were gonna have a Gomez and Morticia dynamic going on so consider me disappointed that this ended up not being the case. Damn, would I have killed to have them be this happily married power couple because let's be real: You can't be a powerful badass King without your equality powerful badass Queen, am I right? XD I'd eat that shit up!

I honestly fear Lilith in the show is going to end up being Stella 2.0 which I hope isn't the case but considering Vivienne's writing I don't have much faith she'll be anything but. Maybe not as bad, but yeah...

Anyways, on to the redesigns and character changes:

Lucifer: I said before that I'm not really going with the circus theme in my rewrite/au. I do think on paper the "Hell is a circus' is interesting, fun concept but that's been barely, if at all utilized in Hellaverse outside of a poorly done aesthetic, but it's not the direction I personality want to go with. I may still play with the whole circus thing with the Happy Hotel itself, but otherwise...yeah, right, redesign.

I knew from the beginning I wanted to give him a more darker color scheme along with adding purple into his outfit because purple = Pride so I settled on a dark purple, red and gold/bronze combo. I was debating if I should have scraped his top hat or not being how Hellaverse made me me have it out agasist tops hats like almost every other male character has a fucking top hat there's other kinds of hats but at the end of the day I decided to keep it though he doesn't always wear it. I did draw him without the hat as well which you can view towards the end of the post. I kept the apple motif he has going and while I didn't do much with his cane, I did add a snake which yes, is alive. That's his pet Temptation and he loves her very much.

Outfit inspiration:

Personality wise it's very similar to what it is in the show but taken in a bit more darker direction. Think overdramatic theater kid meet rebellious somewhat edgy adult who hasn't grown out of his teenage years (that's not saying he doesn't act like an adult he does but he has that 'whimsical' nature to him where he sometimes won't take things seriously or refuses to take responsibility though there are moments where he does have to 'Swallow his Pride' so to speak).

I also made him much more Prideful because he's the Sin of Pride, duh. This man will fight tooth and nail to prove that he's in the right (a trait that Charlie also shares) because his ego and pride won't let him rest and he's not going to back down DAMN IT!!. Lilith and/or a few of the Sins (Satan, Beelzebub and Ozzie respectfully) have to reel him in so he doesn't do anything stupid and make an ass out of himself more than he already has.

However, just because he is a prideful prick a good portion of the time doesn't mean he doesn't have his moments of genuine compassion and love for those who are important in his life. He loves his family, daughter included despite how unsupportive and very passive aggressive in regard to believing that her plan is dead in the water and has no problem addressing those thoughts in a 'tough love' kind of way (or what he believes is tough love when it's reality he's coming across as him just beating her down and making them drift even father apart as if they already slowly weren't. As I said, he's very prideful when he believes he's right) and views most of the other Sins minus Leviathan as his firends/true companions though some are much closer to him than others.

I kept most of his backstory in the show the same where he had some good intentions of gifting humanity freewill but also at the same time did it out of rebellion towards his father (God) after falling for Lilith and believing that everything that made her...well her (her freewill, sprit, strength) should be given to every human only for it to backfire and bring evil and sin in the world annnnd we know how this story goes. (otr I have both Eve AND Adam eat from the apple and Lilith had nothing to do with the whole thing but was punished regardless for 'influencing' Samael regardless if she pushed him or not) There was still a Heaven and Hell war but that doesn't happen until much later in the timeline once Hell gains the power and means to declare such on Heaven, only for them to lose in the end. The Exterminations has something to play with the outcome of the war but that's a discussion for another time.

Lilith:

Putting aside I didn't want both Lilith and Lucifer to have the same hair color (one of the reasons why I didn't also make Luci's hair red after he fell, even if that was more canon biblically correct), I wanted Lilith to be a red head like she is in biblical stories. I also made her skin a bit darker. I was aiming for an olive skin tone but not sure if I successfully succeeded in that.

Lilith still has her horns but I made them much smaller. They expand/grow bigger when she's enraged or goes into her full demon form where her eyes also glow and her nails turn into long, sharp blade like talons. I plan on drawing her demon form along with the rest of the Morningstars later down the line. I also gave her animal ears which I may revisit later being that was a last second addition. I wanted to give Luci or Lilith hooves as well but I didn't think about it after the drawings were done. (likely will give Luci them)

Dress inspiration:

As for personality and overall character changes go: Well for starters, Both Lilith and Lucifer are a happily married power couple like we were lead on to believe and I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN AWSNER!!

As I said earlier, we still don't know much about Lilith as a character in the show outside of the fact she thrived in Hell and influenced demonkind but never said of what that entailed. I'm still keep those elements of course, having her be a beacon for the Hellborn and establishing connections and business with a good share of the Overlords in Pride, especially with the more 'lesser evil' Sinner ones. Lilith is the one who normally engages with Sinners on large where Lucifer rather avoid them as much as possible with a few exceptions being how he blames them for why he ended up down in Hell to begin with considering he did believe they'd do good with the 'gift' he gave them, only to be proven wrong and him having to suffer seeing the worst of humanity as punishment.

Personality wise, Lilith is a strong willed, go getter who wants nothing but the best for her family, firends and citizens. She involves herself heavily in the politics of Hell while also hoping to inspire her people, Hellborn and Sinners alike. Soft but strong, caring but stern; playful but serious when she has to be, Lilith wears her title on her sleeve as the Queen of Hell and a mother and friend to those who look up to her.

Like Charlie and unlike her husband, Lilith sees the good in humanity. She was human herself after all, deemed the first Sinner but she's more indirect and hands off with her methods where Charlie wants to be more hands on and direct with her hotel idea. Lilith tries to guild her daughter the best she can but tries to persuade her that her plans for the Happy Hotel may not have the effect she hopes, even as supportive she is of her daughters' ideals.

Lilith has succubus like powers but isn't one herself; however she does work with Asmodeus to train those who do go up topside to spread sin.

Charlie may be the Hellish couple's first child but it wasn't the first time Lilith tried conceive; Charlie was the only one who made it fully to term.

Lilith is much taller than Lucifer, while Charlie is only slightly taller than her father.

I'm going to likely revisit their redesigns in the future because there are a few things I would like to change/add on to but overall this is the direction I plan on going for them. I know this post was long and if you happened to read though all of this: Thank you for reading~

Charlie's redesign will be next being I finished her for a while now I just need to write out my notes. Hopefully this weekend it'll be up.

Bonus, Lucifer without his hat:

[silusvesuius]

unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP

retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).

Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 

if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know

^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises

even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you

even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 

there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6

[antispopausandstuff]

when you get into a series and then stupid shit happens.

.

so, i got into a podcast from 2019 called 'The Two Princes', and i love it. it's very charming, basically like a show in audio form, and full of queer. listen to it frequently, got into the tags on my socials, found some fanart and fics and a bit of inspiration.

but during my searches of fanart, i came across two things.

people calling the main relationship ( rupert x amir ) an EtL

some people comparing it to c//a

both of these severely bothered me, and i'm gonna explain why.

for the first one, it's very simple. rupert and amir were not really enemies, in terms of their actual dynamic. according to this red herring of a prophecy, though, they are 'meant' to be enemies.

however, rupert lies about not being the prince of the west ( amir is prince of the east ), saying he's a thief, that his name is fitz, and that he wants nothing to do with his kingdom. this isn't because he holds any ill-will to his own kingdom, but because the east and the west are hostile and he didn't wanna get killed by amir leaving him behind in the forest.

so, their actual dynamic was more of 'unfriendly strangers to friends to lovers'. because amir was a bit uppity and micromanaged, while rupert was more soft(?) and tended to overreact // overly panic. that, and the span of the first season is 3 days. you can't really go from being enemies to lovers in 3 days. in most cases, i guess.

anyway, moving onto the even more frustrating point.

the princes are nothing like catra and adora. absolutely nothing alike. not even a little.

i'm guessing part of the reason is because amir asks rupert to stay. but the context of that situation vs catra repeatedly demanding asking adora to stay is entirely different.

amir asks rupert to stay because, despite being prickly, rupert saved his life and continued being kind to him. he doesn't ask him to stay because of any self-importance, or because he wants rupert to do dirty work, or for any other reason but because amir likes him and wants them to be friends.

that is entirely different from why catra kept demanding asking adora to stay. she kept asking because she couldn't take no for an answer. because adora's ideals didn't align with hers. because she wanted adora for herself, and took any other options as a personal attack.

and another reason this comparison exists, i'm guessing, is because of the whole "they saved the world // universe // kingdom // wtv by kissing and being gay", which. that's still. no. but okay.

the prophecy in 'The Two Princes' is a red herring because it's misleading. it's not intending to be, but it is. everyone thought it meant that the two princes would fight to the death and one kingdom would rule over, when it actually meant for one kingdom to unite the east and west.

and amir and rupert figured that out by kissing and later on deciding to get married ( that's a general way of saying it, but it's cute, aight? they're very cute ).

in the final episode of spop, there was no actual reason or explanation for why any of that happened. it just happened because the show wanted it to.

why did a viral infection go away the moment catra kissed adora? THE FUCK IF WE KNOW!

why did that activate she-ra? 'CAUSE- LOVE! EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE SISTERS, BUT WHATEVER!

why did the heart get destroyed by that? WHO CARES? WE DON'T!

final assumed reason is, again, because of the whole EtL thing.

like i said, 'The Two Princes' is not an EtL story.

and spop was never supposed to be an EtL story. but it is one, so there's that.

anyway, the writing isn't perfect, but if you like podcasts and wanna hear a cheesy-ass queer show with a disaster gay prince, disaster bi prince, a badass lesbian knight, a bi diva, a feral gay twink, a pathetic flirty gay twink, and a dragon and a dog, then give it a listen.

and there's a goat unicorn.

[bugslaststraw]

Stupid thing I did because I'm incredibly petty about sexuality headcanons, complicated rambling thoughts on fanon vs canon under cut.

Noodle being mostly fanon'd as a lesbian before pulling the whole "no label" thing is fascinating because nobody refers to her as such. People just kept calling her a lesbian. Also 2-D having the highest chance to be het is the funniest thing ever to me I mean look at him. Didn't Murdoc default to "fag" as an insult for him in phase one? Not to mention he is as far as I know the only man on the plant ever to escape twink death. Looking at the four of them and being asked to point out "which one is gay" I think a lot of people would default to him. Which is funny as hell. Absolutely don't do that.

Anyway, I think somewhere we all kinda want to think 2-D is something other than just that. Either for vibes or like shipping potential or whatever. Murdoc keeps cornering him and saying strange things to him while drunk but I genuinely think it goes over his head (and over Murdoc's if we're being honest he would fuck a tree if it winked at him and he forgets who people are when he's drunk so it probably doesn't actually mean anything but) even if he isn't just regular ol' straight, 2-D is oblivious enough that he's probably gonna die in the closet a la "yeah but everyone feels like that."

Then again it wouldn't be unlike Damon Albarn to drop one on us. He's described himself as (I think) a "mental bisexual" where he would love to be bisexual, really, he just can't make himself find dudes hot. But he respects the grind? Since Murdoc is like his fucked up little self insert it kind of tracks why the band is fulla bisexuals. He's living out the fantasy through fiction. And I will admit it's very comforting to not have to headcanon every single thing, that it's just there and canon at least half the time. It feels safe.

Ps: No telling if Russel's situation is on account of actual intent or if he just gets so little screen time that he doesn't have time to talk about unimportant stuff like that. Which is sad. Because talking about "unimportant stuff" is half the fun with the virtual band act.

[sillysnaildraws]

And on another note, please ramble about my favorite character Romeo and any headcanons you have about him

The silly Bri'ish man? Well, better strap in, imma ramble your ear- no, that doesn't make sense... imma ramble your eyes out??

Whatever, god. Where do I start?

TW for an abusive family near the end. if that makes you uncomfortable, don't read it because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I will put a "keep reading" tab to make it easier to avoid.

I do see Romeo as a little skinnier than Xara and Fred, purely for the sake that he definitely relies on his powers a little too much. I mean, we see that in the game, he rarely isn't flying around and using teleportation. So with that, not only would I imagine he is thinner but also most definitely has very soft hands, and hands that are quite small compared to his partners, Xara and Fred. Though he kinda looks like a twink when I draw him with his cunty little poses and clothes, which was NOT intended. Sorry, Romeo..

I definitely think he hates feeling small. He isn't short in my head, compared to most characters, he is an average height, taller than most. But when it comes to taller characters like Axel, Aiden, Mevia, Xara or Fred, he looks small and he hates it. Especially compared to Xara and Fred because he only comes up to their shoulders. It's why I imagine he flies all the time, so he can be higher above people and feel big. Though there is a "good" small, as I would describe it, which is specifically when he is cuddled up against Fred and Xara. Feeling small in a more protected and loved way rather than a weak and vulnerable way.

I do imagine he is a bit insecure, which is related to his shit family, and will get defensive and snappy when someone points it out. He would probably struggle with saying "sorry" too, especially with the ego he has to almost protect himself. Romeo has this strange thing where he wants people around but also tends to push them away at the same time, which only further affects his mental state.

Like, you can't tell me Romeo is perfectly mentally well, he is quite unpredictable and definitely has mood swings all the time. Kinda like a cat but worse, he might be grumpy and not want to be touched but all of a sudden, he's draped over Fred and Xara, demanding cuddles. Though I imagine he can be a bit of a tease too, finding fun in playing little games.

After losing his powers, he definitely lost his confidence too. After all, he felt that his powers were all he had and was all that was important about him, which creates the little wet pathetic mess he becomes. But he doesn't stay like that, after a lot of time and healing, I'd imagine that confident, very close to arrogant personality of his would come back but not so... horrible? Is that the right word? I'd imagine Xara wouldn't mind putting him in his place though if he tried anything stupid. In my mind, I have an Admin oc called Amy who helps revive Fred, so the three are back together and healing with each other.

But like I said, even after they rebuild their relationship with each other or how much they love each other, she wouldn't hesitate to suplex him if he acted up. Then again, she would have done that before!

Gotta love him, even though he definitely does have tantrums. But for some reason, it works so well with a power hungry Admin who definitely has a problem with being too controlling. Which I created a whole backstory to explain why he feels the need to be in control. I'll get into that now.

I wrote about this in an AO3 fic but not in lots of detail. I see him as someone who was born into a family with brown hair and green eyes, so his unusual red hair and blue eyes are quite strange. But his family, instead of being normal and just going "Oh, cool. You have bright hair and eyes" they are dicks instead, using his differences to call him a disappointment or a freak. Though his family aren't the best, if it wasn't apparent. The parents are quite controlling, which is where I derive his need to be in control from. Trauma, put simply.

And, unfortunately, most of his relatives let themselves be basically molded into carbon copies of his parents and are quite horrible towards him, going as far as forcing his head under water before laughing at him when they let go. Though a young Alex and Steve protects him a few times when they saw it. His parents tried forcing him to dye his hair and wear contacts, which at first he refuses but eventually, once broken down, yields.

Upon seeing this, Alex and Steve are worried and Alex, being the hothead she is, goes to shout at the parents though Steve manages to calm her and instead get him away from the family, offering him a place to stay with them. A least a year goes by, and he'll be around sixteen and his red hair has grown out again. His parents find the place and the confrontation leads to him running away and meeting Fred and Xara.

[ticklystuff]

I’m just going to send you 4 MEN 👀😂 (no kink question plz)

Argenti, Dan Heng, Dr Ratio, Aventurine (if you haven’t got anything for him then do Jing Yuan)

ask game is closed!

HI MS SEZZIE THX FOR SENDING THE BOYS

what if.. i included jing yuan too nyehehehehe

who’s the most ticklish character

oh no this is difficult asdklfjsakl im gonna give this to aventurine because he's giving pos that deserves to be tickled to tears BUT i want it to be known that dan heng is a very close second and there are some days that it seems like he's more ticklish but aventurine is usually the more ticklish one

who’s the character that most people would assume isn't ticklish, but actually is

dan heng because he has that cool and brooding exterior to him but everyone that knows him he's the most ticklish bby boi asldkjf actually when the mc first joined the astral express, one of the first things that march himeko and welt did was gang tickle dan heng just to show mc that he's more approachable than what he might look like oh and i think ratio would fall under this! i think it's because he just acts so above silly things like tickling that most people wouldn't even try but he will fckn scream and beg if you get his underarms oh and jing yuan too because well he's the xianzhou general and no one dares to try but someone pls tickle him ughhhksaldf he has the softest laugh and there's this gentle growl to it i love him so much

who’s the character that everyone gangs up on and tickles

oh it's dan heng because he's the baby of the group asldkfjsd like jing yuan would simply hold him and just encourage everyone to have at him and instruct where to tickle him because he still remembers all of his old spots

who’s the character that somehow knows everyone else’s tickle spots and reveals them to others

hmmm probably none of them bc they're all stupid boys lmao but argenti is definitely the one to go around spreading tickle spots when he finds out about them like "dan heng, your hips are as sensitive as they are beautiful~" and dan heng is like what the actual fuck man

who's the character with one specific tickle spot that only one other person knows about

i think argenti would have a beauty (heh) mark in between two of his ribs and the reason aventurine knows is because he's the active ler of the group and needed to sneakily test everyone's tickle spots to make sure he had something over all of them

who’s the most likely to win gang tickle wars

oh it's absolutely jing yuan like no one ever expects it from him because of how sleepy and laidback he comes off as, but he can make these men his giggly bitches in no time if he wanted to

which character didn’t even know they were ticklish until another character tickled them

dr. ratio bc the way that he composes himself brings out the sadist in aventurine and the need to take ratio down a peg and also that new 4 star lightcone of is radiating extreme homosexual energy alksdjfl like maybe the reason ratio is pointing a gun at aventurine in that light cone is bc aventurine tickled ratio and aventurine is about to find out why no one has ever dared to tickle him aslkdfjl

which two characters have tickle fights all the time

AVENTURINE AND DR RATIO like these two are constantly at each others' throats. like, it's usually aventurine provoking dr ratio with random jabs and skitters down his sides just to make him lose his cool and ratio tries his best to just brush these off, but sometimes he snaps and throws aventurine over his shoulder and just fckn destroys the twink also jing yuan and dan heng but it's mostly jing yuan going after dan heng! he'll do it sometimes when he's reminiscing about the old days and gets all of dan feng's old tickle spots or when he's sparring with dan heng and makes use of tickles to disarm him. when dan heng protests and says that it's cheating, jing yuan explains to him that any enemy can make use of whatever they want before absolutely wrecking dan heng

[winterisol]

MotoGP riders sorted into Hogwart Houses (cuz I'm a nerd)

Lets be honest, most of these men are realistically gryffindors or slytherins, cuz they have the pride, courage, ego and sheer stupidity of both houses. But anyways I think this is more about vibes than personality

VR46 Academy:

Pecco = Gryffindor This was pretty easy 'cause he has the gryffindor "I'm always correct" and the "no nonsense unless I cause it" demenor. I think he could also work in slytherin, but idk, he doesn't have the sleaziness to back it up. I also can't see him (at least as a kid) having the confidence to strut around say things like "my father will hear about this!"

Bezz = Slytherin I know, I know he's everyone's soft boy, but I also 1000% see a young Bezz going up to people who wrong him and yell "My father will hear about this!" except he's referring to Valentino and he secretly cries in a far corner of the Slytherin common room at night. He also has the ambition and kinda blind cultish following that most slytherins have.

Luca = Ravenclaw We need someone with brain cells here, and Luca has the no nonsense we must overthink everything type of vibe. Like I can just see him pouring over books at 5 AM before breakfast in preparation for classes. He also would never procrastination, every essay, or assignment completed the day it was assigned.

Franky = Gryffindor Doesn't have the same big presence I would usually associate with Gryffindors but Idk when look at his time in Yamaha I think he has the self-belief and confidence. He also feels like a fighter, like he would never willing start a fight, but once the fighting starts he is not one to back down.

Cele = Hufflepuff He is Bezz's emotional support Hufflepuff. Cele is just so incredibly loyal and he radiates the Hufflepuff soft boy energy. I can just see him in the sunny yellow (it would compliment his blue so well). The scenes just write itself, Bezz and Cele arms linked walking through the snow in Hogsmeade in their respective house scarves.

The other Italians

Diggia = Gryffindor This is not even a question, this man just oozes the ego and confidence of a Gryffindor. I can see him as the star player of the Quidditch team, every day is a new girl (Kinda like young Sirius Black) until he lays his eyes on the most beautiful man ever, Enea Bastianini. And after short (year long) gay panic, Diggia just can't leave Enea alone, and flirts with him until Enea finally folds and agrees to go on a date with Diggia over winter break in seventh year.

Enea = Slytherin I wanted to put him in Hufflepuff so badly, cuz he's my little soft boy. But I gotta match his vibe, and he is literally called "The Beast" on track. So yeah, I could see him as a quiet, but academically ambitious Slytherin. He just quietly goes about Hogwarts, attending his classes and getting top marks in all of them, until Diggia just barges into his life, flirting with him, and never leaving him alone.

Marquez Brothers

Marc = Gryffindor I think Marc could go either Gryffindor or Slytherin, but with his "all in" and comeback story right now it think it would be crime not to put him in Gryffindor. The confidence, the "I don't give a fuck about anyone", "Yeah I'm great what about it" attitude is just so HIM. It would also make his dynamic with Rossi (He's 100% a slytherin I will not accept anything else) interesting.

Alex = Gryffindor Alex is more of a Gryffindor because doesn't want to be separate to Marc than anything else. I think if it wasn't for Marc, Alex would have been in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff because he's my soft boy, but Ravenclaw because I feel like Alex is curious. I could totally see him wanting to invent or discover new things (IRL he did want to pursue engineering which is basically that). But alas the Marquez brothers are a little too co-dependent to put them in different houses.

Other riders (+ Pedrenzo cuz why not)

Aleix = Slytherin He has an evil gay twink polycule, if that isn't slytherin cult behavior idk what is.

Jorge = Slytherin He is the bellatrix lestrange to this gay twink polycule. And he is a snake. no questions? good, onto the next.

Pedro Acosta = Hufflepuff I can see him in the hufflepuff yellow, also while I do think he'd be a part of the polycule, I can't see him in Slytherin. I think the yellow of Huffflepuff just suits him, also he's a grandma's boy, so of course he must go to my favorite house.

Dani = Ravenclaw His disinterest in drama and just doing his job is so Ravenclaw coded. Like people are fighting in the library and he's sat unbothered finishing his advanced potions essay.

Jorge = Slytherin He has the cunning nature, and desire for attention that most Slytherins seem to have. It would also play into any dynamic between Yorg and Vale, maybe a power struggle to be the top dog in Slytherin. He also gives pureblood wizard. I can imagine Dani (I can see him as a half-blood) and Jorge later in life going into the muggle part of London and Jorge is dressed ridiculously cuz he doesn't understand how muggles dress.

[exoticalmonde]

IS2 also known as Phantom & Crimson Solitaire but the Part where I learn about some of the Lore via Operator Records

This all started because I am a stupid idiot simp and have no self-control, okay?

The other day I was trying to mind my business when I was wondering who out of my Bandorio (husBandorio) squad I want to E2. It was almost an unfair match between Shalem and Mr. Nothing (whose position in the band is already shaky with Lessing and Hoderer coming eventually).

I thought to myself 'The best way to really know who I want is to see how useful they are in batte-' WRONG, I wanted to know if I vibe with them on a personal level. Which meant that I had to sit down and read their Operator Records.

And proceeded to yap about Shalem on TWTR since harlot gloves and an iridescent shine on his tail + it being cutely wrapped around his leg is the go-to if you want to impress me.

Also because I like the look of sheer exhausted, barely clinging to sanity look he gives me when I zoom in on his person.

Continue below if you want to see me cry about Shalem, the Troupe and then about the Crimson Solitaire and what it was throwing at me the last two days.

So being said, I started admiring... everything that is happening in his E2. Prior to actually reading anything I knew that Shalem has something to do with Phantom, at least something enough that he has to go and save him from IS2. I've dabbled with it before just a tiny little, never reached an ending and I still haven't as I write this.

Items of background as of yet unverified, which is really funny because I think the same goes for Phantom. Maybe I should look him up while I'm here to read side-by-side comparison.

Take note, it says Shalem works in logistics.

Both Victorian, born within a month and a bit of each other, so that's interesting. What's that? Phantom is taller?? Than shalem?? The twink black cat is taller than the black snake?

Insanity.

Oh, he's doomed. Who do I like that ISN'T infected with Oripathy??? It feels like they're all sick... But now that I look at my list, Chongyue, Ebenhol-

Okay... that leaves SilverAsh, Vigil, Lee, Tequila, Lessing they're all fine.

My head is too full of Czerny and Hoederer being Infected on a very advanced level, so it feels like my world is ending every time I start reading the Medical Analysis.

-Shalem Trust 50-

Considering Rhodes Island's operators come from all corners, races, temperaments, histories and myriad diversities of the land, there are indeed plenty who are weak with communication yet possess a kind heart, and thus HR's operators haven't had serious concern, vis-a-vis the state of Shalem's life. 

Me *handshake* Shalem Disliking mixing friend groups so we just avoid it at all cost

He's been waiting forever, waiting for his chapter's end, but he doesn't anticipate that in ten or so months, when Rhodes Island life has long since become routine, that a shadow of the past will sorrowfully arrive.

Congratulations, everybody, another sad boy has reconsidered subearthing themselves because he found a place to call home and a bed he can sleep in with both eyes closed.

-Phantom Trust 50-

When Phantom first set foot on Rhodes Island, he terrified the logistics personnel who were on duty at the time. He suddenly appeared behind one individual, standing there without a word until the person turned around to discover his presence.

IF SHALEM WORKS IN LOGISTICS WAS THIS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT HIM???? I can't believe Shalem was stalked by Phantom for absolutely no reason and then Closure got pissed that this arrogant feline just boarded the ship without telling anybody, or anybody noticing even, until it was too late.

Talk about being a professional assassin.

Accompanying Phantom on his arrival to Rhodes Island was a person as mysterious and alluring as the night itself, someone known as 'Ms. Christine.' Through her demeanor, it was clear that she was a refined and haughty woman. No one knows whether she will remain or leave, and she is not always seen with Phantom, instead happy enough to wander around as if quietly patrolling her turf.

To this, I have only one responce

*Throws 15, 000 of those at Phantom* I HAVE THE LADY'S PERMISSION!!

-Shalem Trust 100-

After a field mission ended, Shalem noticed a phantasm behind him. He was the most brilliant of those young stars in the troupe, its leader's favorite, a crimson blood diamond, and he stared at him, naturally not seeking to reminisce. 

Oh my god I was right.

An acquainted operator informed him someone called Phantom had joined as an Operator in the past few days. Who was Phantom? Shalem knew in his heart as clear as night.

Joined like it's nobody's business.

After which Shalem just decided his anxiety is too much to handle and didn't go out of his room for a small eternity.

When he received a mission on his terminal to seek the missing Operator Phantom, Shalem believed someone to be pranking him, but after verifying high and low, he realized Phantom truly had departed Rhodes Island, and no one was more familiar with the mission objective's search area than Shalem. It was his and Phantom's home, and the beginning of their nightmares. The past had already found Shalem, and he could not choose to stay uninvolved again. He accepted the mission to search for Phantom.

Oh no, he's being sent to whatever hellhole the Troupe is situated at. That must actually be one hell of a notice to get on his terminal. Go look for the person you have been trying to avoid, with whom you were potentially raised to play an endless play because he disappeared.

How did Phantom even end up there??? I have more questions than I have answers now.

-Phantom Trust 100-

After receiving his permission, Rhodes Island conducted a series of tests aimed at targeting this ability, basically confirming that Phantom's ability to alter the shadows is related to sound. By using his throat to vocalize certain sounds, he is able to interfere with and severely damage the psyche of a living being. The more intense the emotion in the tone, the deeper the effect is, producing psychological damage that is difficult to repair or reverse.

Sweet Mouthpiece... What the actual hell?

-Shalem Trust 150-

After the flood receded, some sumptuously graceful guests entered the village. Yes, they handed people money to seek local aid; yes, they carefully selected, adopted many children who were without claim, now their parents had vanished or been lost.

I have a bad feeling about thi-

Numbering one of them was the young Shalem.

I hate this with all my life, actually.

'You are children of the arts. Now, you may rest well.' So the old butler promised, and so Shalem believed. Soon after, his life became a play. Modest and gentle was the label the troupe gave to Shalem, and ever since then, it has become his 'true personality.'

'Modest' and 'Gentle'? Explain this, then

We shan't dwell on the daily physical training and rehearsal of lines. Understudies as excellent as Phantom would be led upon stage, given verbal motivation and material reward in front of them all.

Yeah, so they did know each other and everybody hated Phantom because he was good at what he was doing. Actually terrible by definition.

The children who entered the troupe together one by one disappeared, and those left were completely changed in temperament, not a speck of the innocence of their years left visible. As they grew in years, Shalem had convinced himself to accept one fact: We were only brought into this troupe to offer our lives to the arts. If we are unable to perform... Then we have no right to live within the troupe. Whether voluntary or not, so long as you joined the troupe, the script you were given would be written long in advance. To run until your life's end.

God, Shalem... My darling...

Survival drives all to the brink, and they who ought to have worked together past these difficulties began to slaughter each other. In the end, no one escapes. Only a few uneaten slices of meat remain, scooped away by fowlbeasts, flapping their wings across the endless waters.

Is this... hinting at... cannibalism...? Again?

-Phantom Trust 150-

We can infer from our investigations that a wave of Oripathy that ripped through parts of Victoria a few years ago destroyed this troupe, and changed the trajectory of Phantom's life. He may have had a wonderful voice in the past, but as he is now, he could not be further from the stage.

I feel like I need a little more context about this. Shalem's town was flooded, but the Troupe exploded because of a wave of Oripathy? Where did it come from? Did I miss it somewhere? Obviously, this information is outdated because we know the Troupe exists in a much more bloody cult-like fashion now, but WHY? What is their point?

I can also tell you about the impressions I now have about him, but it may not be of any use to you, because there's a good chance you won't listen. But if you insist? Very well. I don't have much to say, but there is one suggestion. —Stay away from him. He's still caught in a nightmare, not fully awake yet.'

—A conversation with Schwarz

Schwarz?

This Schwarz?

Ma'amn you need to explain why you think all of that, I'm getting a little sweaty about how much people know and what they think about Phantom, because I kinda still do like him.

-Shalem trust 200-

He should have delivered that dagger to their heart, felt the spasm of their limbs, watched the light in their eyes little by little melt away. But the boy of the abyss did not do so. The weapon meant to murder instead cut the rope, and was handed to another to become a tool protective of life. And so did a meticulous production end. A play rendered a complete shambles by this boy of the abyss. A stage offered to him to prove his talent, so wasted and defiled by a conscience. Sinner, sinner! This coward, this lamentable coward. A hunter letting go its prey, presuming to still return to the castle, to report to its king. And yet he! He follows the prey's steps, disappears with it into the barrens' ends?! Let him be far from civilization, far from art, to go to that wild brink. He is fit only to be exiled.

HE ESCAPED BY TURNING ON THE TROUPE IN A MOMENT OF CONSCIOUS GUILT AND REBUTTAL!! My sweetest, tormented darling yeah, you get to stay in my husband team forever.

-Phantom Trust 200-

[Classified Log] We found the site of the incident that befell the troupe at the time.

Alright...

All the residences, facilities, and public spaces have been preserved as is, including the troupe's tents stationed in the park, just like in the records - the only thing that's missing are the residents.

Gosh, the description is like they got wiped away by Nuclear power. What in the world kind of Oripathy wave was that???

The best way to describe it is as if a piece of cake was sealed within a plastic bag, then thrown into a fervent crowd at an Iberian festival.

Someone gave their all fishussy to write this line.

What we managed to recover is pretty similar to whatever would be left in that bag afterwards. As for the portion of the data that was sent out, the path was too vague and could not be tracked.

Data sent out? Am I understanding this correct, the show was being streamed?

In order to verify the content, we played a portion of the video footage that could be considered somewhat intact. While doing so, three of the investigators present experienced degrees of psychological disturbance, so we were forced to temporarily seal off the remaining files.

What the absolute hell, so we never got to really see/hear what was happening? Was Phantom... the one to do this? Was he singing and it destroyed everything?

[Video File - Encrypted] [Encrypter - Kal'tsit] [Danger Level - 3] '■■■stage, death■■■■behind■■■loop, song■■, ■■■■end, all■begin.'

I need to ask Dr. Pinkie as soon as they wake up about this. I didn't read a lot of stuff about the game while I was playing it, only laughing at items I got.

-Shalem E2 Promotion-

When a person begins learning to perform, or takes up the profession of an actor, they bear for the rest of their life a curse: Are you doing what you would, or carrying out an endless performance?

This is not going anywhere nice.

Do you enact your true personality? Or is your false personality itself the true you? Oh, I imagine you likely can't make heads or tails anymore. Let me show you a way forth. Whether you're the bottomless boy of the abyss taking the stage, or the nobody Shalem aboard Rhodes Island. Listen to this suggestion from your old butler. Everything is a sham. You are not your own self. You were born a performance. Don't be led astray by your self. You are a role, and the role is all that you are. The role's choices are your choices. Now take the stage, performer. The time to offer yourself to art has come.

-Phantom E2 Promotion-

...

...

...

[lackablazeical]

Okay yall I was fucking LIED TO. I fucking hate the movie Bones And All and I was told it was good. Yall just see a man covered in blood and say it's good and look I understand that but the actual movie is fucking terrible.

Like why are cannibals just a whole fuckn. Species in of themselves. Bffr. It would've been so much more of an amazing love story if it was just the main girl who ate ppl, and this boy finds her and loves her even past the eating ppl part and like. Helps her and shit. Not this weird fucking cannibal subspecies thing. It didn't need lore and shit. She could've just fucking ate ppl to do it (see the movie Raw)

Also why were they just eating ppls bodies like dogs casually. Like I get it to show animalistic tendencies but then have there be contrast between how she eats WHEN she does. They don't need to be on their hands and knees eating when they ARENT desperate for food.

And not to be het-phobic but WHYYYY WHY WOULD A MAN BE THERE. CANNIBALISM METAPHORS ARE FOR THE GIRLIES GET THAT FUCKING TWINK AWAYYYY. Would've easily been a better movie if it was 2 girls btw. Just. Just EASILY.

Also this is just me but clearly they don't NEED to eat ppl. All I can think the entire movie is 'these people have no basic self control'

Also how she was mad at the guy who wasn't one of the cannibal ppl but still ate ppl. Like yeah I get the metaphor, someone idolizing what makes you suffer yeah yeah, but like. She Doesn't Need to eat people. They can eat non human-flesh food and get nutrition from that. She really was pissing me off yall

Also stop with that stupid guy who was like creepy and stuff that she didn't like. Like what. First, he's definitely coded as being special needs which. Very ableist to make the creepy cannibal villian coded that way when no other characters are.

And that also just muddles the theme of the movie. Like is the theme supposed to be about how women are unable to express their deep desires? About eating disorders? Like what the fuck is it even supposed to be cus it changes and isn't even consistent in the like 20 it decides to take a stance on. Pisses me off

Also they try in the movie to villianize the mom and dad of the girl in the movie but comma. They were literally both so valid.

The dad abandoning her? YEAH. He saw what happened to the mom. He didn't really understand her like subspecies. He could literally be charged as an accomplice to murder, assault, messing w/ a crime scene, hiding evidence, etc. Not even counting identity fraud and more. She could've easily turned and tried to eat him. He's so real for dropping her honestly

And the mom is so real for wanting to kill her daughter. Her daughter is killing innocent people for no fucking reason and clearly doesn't care that she is. Like I was hoping the mom would succeed so hard UGH. That's a whole plot, that the guy doesn't care he ate a guy that had a wife and kids but like. Even if he didn't you shouldn't eat random fucking people just Because. Bffr.

Also why they so wasteful of the people they do eat? Part of the movie is eating someone 'bones and all' (ikr) is a big deal but like. She SHOULD be saving these bodies and like. Processing the meat for later. All we see is them take like 2 bites of these people and move on. Like It's not hard to make jerky. I get she's from America and the idea of eating guts/bones/eyes/etc isn't popular but humans have so much muscle to eat and she just. Never does. We only see them ever take like a few bites and that's it????

If yall wanna argue feel free but don't expect shit from me abt my opinion changing cus I truly enjoyed watching A Serbian Film more bc at least it knew it was a shitty concept and story and acted accordingly

[osterby]

Baldur's Gate 3, via Osmosis

So I think I played the first Baldur's Gate game for like an hour at a friend's house back in college, and all I remember about it was how delighted I was by the miniature giant hamster. I didn't even know there was a second game until I started hearing people get excited about the third one. That's about the sum of my knowledge of this franchise.

So without more ado, here's what my tumblr dash has taught me about these blorbos (I got @malaloba to huck the screenshots at me, so I didn't spoil myself on the names)

I want to say this one is Shadowheart, but that's too on the nose. She's probably .... Mythrin... Mithras... Mithotyn... Nope, I haven't got it.

She looks grouchy, and like she has a very good reason to be grouchy, and I would assume she's a combat class from her armour, but that's all I've got.

Gale (or Halsin) I know this one! He's the one who turns into a bear in The Cutscene that broke the internet for a few days. That means he'd be a Druid, right? I think he cross classes or something, though.

I hope the furries are having a great time drawing him as an anthro bear with a very large weenie.

Astarion! This vampire twink was all over my dash long before the game was released. Apparently he has a tragic backstory and is a jerk about it in a way that is either annoying or endearing, depending on the player's opinion of vampire twinks. His main role in the game, however, seems to be comically failing to pick locks. This means he's a Thief. Apparently the thing with the bear just had Astarion as the player character, and he isn't canonically dating the bear guy. Oh well.

Halsin (or Gale) The Other One who is Not a Bear. I would have said Bard for his class, but he's glowing a bit much for that here, so maybe a caster? I feel like he's more popular in areas of Tumblr that don't cross my dash.

Karlach or Karlak or something (not Karkat, that's a Homestuck thing).

Lesbians love her! She is large and angry and apparently really easy to romance just by approving of her chopping things with her axe. I think she was a child soldier? I see a lot of jokes about her crappy ex. I think her ex is actually her god and not her ex, though. Anyway, she seems like a prototypical Barbarian, good for her.

EDIT: I just remembered that she has PLAGUE, and is on a quest to Stop Having Plague. This is apparently her ex's fault

Laz'el. Lae'zel. La'zael. Something along those lines. I've seen treatises on her backstory and characterization, and she sounds like a really interesting character. Grew up in a cult of some kind, got dead or something, got abandoned by a crappy god (who might have also gotten dead or something), and is now wandering around trying to figure out how to exist in a world that isn't a cult. Apparently Other Players don't like her and dont't get what's up with her, which is a sore point for her fans (It's very possible that I'm mixing up portions of her backstory and fan reception with Karlach's) Her nose weirds me out (some uncanny valley thing between a skeleton lack-of-nose and a nose-nose), but I think she's pretty neat.

Ok, so if the blue lady at the top of this post isn't Shadowheart, then this one is Shadowheart. When I first saw the name Shadowheart, I thought it was someone's OC, and then I thought it was a generic name for the player character. From what I can gather, she's Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way with the stupid scraped off. She seems to be younger than most the other characters; she and the red tiefling are the kiddos of the group (Astarion doesn't count, because vampire). I think she grew up all sheltered in a weird little cult, too. Did ALL these characters grow up in weird cults? Is that a theme? Did I hear one backstory and apply it to a dozen different characters?

I happen to know for sure that this guy's name is Wyll. Good for me.

I don't know beans about him but I suspect he might be my favourite character when I do finally get around to playing, just from how his peronality is conveyed in fanart.

I get the impression he's the Only Sane Man to all these characters who grew up in cults and divorced dead gods and got vampire'd and whatnot, but he also has horns in like half the fanart and screenshots and is clearly Haunted (metaphorically, figuratively, literally, probably all of the above), so who knows.

As for the second figure here, I know the premise of the game is you've all got brainworms, who are in leage with a mindflayer con man who you can bone but who is also running some sleezy marketing scam, so maybe that's the brainworm made manifest?

I also see a lot of talk about character called Dark Urge, and the fan art doesn't look like that, but if Dark Urge is a manifested brainworm, then it could take various forms.