#which is sometimes a little all over the place for me

[pukicho]

You've changed, man. I don't know what it is but some time in the past six months your shitposting got a bitter edge to it. Sure you could blame the political climate or world events on it but...I dunno. I used to scroll your blog to momentarily escape the hardships of today but now it feels like even you're not a safe place any more. I wish you luck on your journeys onwards but I'm sorry to say I cannot travel with you any more. Be well, puki, and I hope whatever troubles you passes.

Escapism is important and I try to offer that to a degree, but ultimately, I am a person. I experience hardships, I empathize with the worsening conditions of my world. As long as I care about things external to myself, I will subtlety, or blatantly express them in some way in my blog, which I’ve done for years, not merely 6 months.

Unbeknownst to you, these concerns are often the inspiration for some of my most beloved posts.

You’re free to leave of course, if my 1 serious post out of every 30 fucks your day up that badly, then please, feel free! - I simply don’t see my blog as escapist fluff, it never has been, even if that is often the outcome. My page has always been about my interests, and I just so happen to enjoy making people laugh.

I see it more as a fun place to hang out and express the feelings I feel inclined to express, most of which are fun and goofy, some of which are not. I love our little playful back-and-forths, and I enjoy seeing your insights, even if some of you are fucking stupid as shit. Sometimes I just like using you guys as little guinea pigs, testing my odd expressions out on you, and sitting back and seeing the outcome.

Ultimately, I try to balance balance 3 things on my page:

Comedy, as you know - I like making jokes, I like testing them out on people. Even if they suck, I like writing them regardless. Sometimes I sit back after writing something I know objectively sucks, hit send, and watch as everyone tells me how much it sucks. It brings me joy.

A desire for money - because if not, I wouldn't be able to make posts half as often as I do (ie, shirt sales, promoting my music, etc) - Sometimes that anxiety for money also bleeds into my posts, it has for years; and I hold back from being even more desperate about money than I feel I should be sometimes.

And the point you brought up: The occasional comment on something real that matters to me. - Over the past 3 years, if not longer, I’ve made a few uncharacteristically-serious statements on things like Covid, Gaza, The Presidency, hell, even the indigenous people of Australia... and more.

Why do I feel inclined to discuss these things? Because I want to. My page has always been about what I want. Fortunately for you, what I usually want to do is to make you laugh! But sometimes I wish to express other feelings, because I have a platform that allows my voice to travel further than that of others!

For those angry at all the qualms I don't bring up, try to understand my balancing act, as someone who understands your desire for escapism, and the comfort that it brings you. If the veil falls, remember, we are of like-company - - and maybe, this veil was only ever in your head to begin with.

[leyavo]

Ghost getting badly injured during a mission that they have to call his next of kin.

Next of kin?? What do you mean next of kin.

Mrs Riley?! He doesn’t wear a wedding band to protect you. Not even at home, worried there’ll be a mark to show he sometimes wears one.

It’s then that the TF 141 find out he’s married to you. They’re all wondering what you’re like, convinced you must be in the same line of work.

You’ve been married for six years, only to be called if it’s serious like now.

Soap’s jaw is on the floor as you walk into the infirmary, you don’t even glance their way as you rush to Simon’s bedside. Your hand on his chest as you lean down to kiss his forehead and brush back his hair.

You’re well put together, a lightweight robe layered over jeans and a simple vest. Pops of colour on your olive thick framed glasses and golden wedged heels. Hair pinned back with a pencil, leather bag overpacked with a book, filofax, purse and little cosmetic bag.

Price introduces himself, shaking your hand. A dainty diamond ring sparkling on your finger. Your silver bangles jingle as you greet each man, repeating their names and they know Ghost has not told you anything about them.

All he told you is that he likes working alone, but sometimes works with others.

You stay at the base for a while till he’s well enough to travel home. Eating with him and the guys in the canteen, they’re still staring at Simon like he’s grown another head. Watching you two squabble about little things.

“Do not put that shit on my plate,” Simon grumbled.

“It’s broccoli not a bomb.” You can’t help but roll your eyes, shoulder bumping into his arm as you try to move him along in the line.

The art director job you have takes you all around the world, sometimes you get to meet up with your husband. Simon treating it like a mission in itself, you playing along as you talk to him over the phone as you walk the cobbled streets to see him. “Target engaged, moving in,” you whisper as you spot him standing outside a coffee shop.

FaceTiming him whilst he’s at base so you can show him the little trinket you found in an antique store. He’s laying down in his bed, headphones on so no one hears.

“Nearly the same age as you luv.” Anything to see that little poutie face and brows furrowed. He loves teasing you that you are older than him, but it backfires whenever he complains at his body aching. “You’re supposed to be young and spry.”

Being a couple years older than Simon, you’ve got your shit together. Which drew Simon to you. Both no nonsense, say what you feel and work it out. No games, no silent treatment.

“Watch your tone Si, you’re not in the army here. You’re home so don’t give me that shit.”

“Watch my tone, luv. You just flooded the bathroom!”

“You distracted me!”

“Why don’t I get some towels and we both sort it out.”

Once Simon’s fully recovered, you invite his team to stay at your shared home together for the weekend.

A cottage in the countryside, there’s an eclectic mix of vintage furniture and textiles. That one rug Simon shipped back from Morocco in the living room. Paintings, pottery and sculptures scattered around the rooms. Rocky, a German Shepard trailing after you as you give them a tour of the place.

You make friends with Price’s wife who’s around the same age as you. Even try to set Gaz up with a client you think he’d get on with. Bond with Soap telling him you lived in Scotland as a late teen where you had your first art assistant job there.

Price’s wife scheduling a double date in five months time. Simon side eying John. She’s also invited you to come stay for a girls weekend at the Price house.

[masterlist] & [Price’s wife]

[neiptune]

like real people do

cw: 2.8k wc, female reader, friends to lovers, literally black cat x labrador dynamic, you showed up one day and are still part of his life, it’s an axiom he would never expect to change. until one day you meet his brother for the first time and rin shits himself

“We should hang out tomorrow. Are you free?”.

“No”.

You frown.

“Would you have said yes, if you were?”.

Rin takes a moment to reply.

“Probably not”.

The grin you offer right away doesn’t surprise him, if anything it makes him roll his eyes with fake exasperation.

“I love how you never change”.

He nudges your shoulder with his arm, hands buried in the pockets of an expensive coat.

“You’re annoying”.

“I know, it’s my whole thing. You kinda agreed to it when you accepted me as a friend”.

“I never did such thing. You showed up one day and never left”.

Your giggle echoes across the empty street and Rin finds himself basking in your usual affection, something he’s well aware he hardly deserves.

It’s true, though. One day, back in high school, you were assigned to the same group project with two other classmates and that’s when the information of being in the same class in the first place was presented to him. You talked too much and smiled too often but when it came to doing actual work, you turned into a weirdly serious, responsible student. Instantly, too. Which would’ve been an interesting aspect of your personality, if he so much as cared.

You both ended up being the only two putting in real work to finish the project but the only thing Rin could think of was that he was relieved his perfect grades could stay perfect despite the dead weight. Except, you didn’t leave him alone ever since, apparently happy (always way too happy) to have found a new friend. He doesn’t remember how many times, throughout his high school years, he had to repeat that you two were not friends. Over and over again, the deterrent had failed miserably.

Rin has kinda made peace with your presence in his life by now, despite adulthood and your careers playing a significant role in keeping you apart, whenever he visits his hometown you’re there and whenever you happen to be where he is, you insist on seeing him. Stubborn as he’s always been, in his own mind Rin stands his ground that there’s nothing tragically wrong in allowing you to consider him your friend, still. There’s also nothing particularly dramatic in letting himself indulge in someone else’s obstinate fondness.

You’re a good person, he knows that much. Patient, generous, always the first to offer help and the last to ask for anything. You’re stupid. And gullible. Way too easy to take advantage of. It’s why he, to this day, still keeps an eye on you, walks you home in the middle of the night, doesn’t shut the door like he’d do with anyone else when you show up uninvited to his house. Sometimes he brings you something too, little mementos from his travels that hold no real meaning, despite the way your eyes shine with wonder when he begrudgingly hands them to you.

Rin knows you like him. Or at least you used to, so many years ago. He remembers hearing you confessing the secret to one of your closest friends. You never really told him, a good person but still too proud to give him the satisfaction of rejecting you, stood by his side when no one else would put up with his pissy attitude, always disregarding your feelings. Even when he had girlfriends you were there, feigning nonchalance. Stupid. He remembers how he immaturely tried to get you to admit it, shared petty details of his dates, told you he thought he was falling in love with other girls. Your smile barely faltered.

Why did you do that to yourself all that time, he still wonders. But then again he’d have to ask himself why his impatience, or rather lack of understanding, led him to kiss you when you were both visiting your families for the holidays, back from college.

Rin remembers the snow, the umbrella you were holding trying to clumsily cover him too. He remembers you were babbling some nonsense about how proud you were of him, of his career, the way you always knew he was destined to great things, his blue lock jersey still stored safely in the back of your closet. Rin remembers the way he took your face in his hands and pressed his lips to yours, dry and chapped from the cold. Was that truly the only way to get you to shut up? He doesn’t know. He just knows he didn’t expect you to take a step back, thank him for walking you home. The kiss was never mentioned again, the following day you acted like it never happened and he was glad he could carry on without the burden of weird expectations. Well, almost completely glad.

He didn’t kiss you because he liked you or desired something as unnecessary as a relationship, he’s sure of that. He just wanted to, in that moment. A stupid whim. And if the urge of shutting you up in the softest way has possessed him multiple times after that day and throughout the years, out of mere curiosity or simple convenience, he’s never really admitted it to himself. 

You showed up one day, never left, are still part of his life. It’s an axiom he’d never expect to change. Perhaps he finds some comfort in it.

“You really can’t hang out tomorrow? ”, you’re doing that thing you always do when you’re disappointed, furrowed brows over big eyes that are rapidly losing their usual glow as you blink a few times. He sighs.

“I really can’t”.

“How long are you in town for?”.

“A few days”, he pauses for a second, then decides to concede, “we’ll have plenty of time”.

The way your lips immediately curl into a sweet smile almost makes him crack one too. Rin also loves how you never change.

“Oooh, you wanna hang out with me so bad!”.

“Shut up”.

“We’ll have plenty of time! Because I’m your best friend in the whole, entire world!”.

“Now you’re really pushing it”.

You laugh again, something tender settling over your features. He once more recognizes the affection in your gaze and has to look away.

Rin has hated October 10 for as long as he can remember.

It wasn’t always like that, as a kid it was a special day he got to celebrate his favorite person on. His brother went from being his personal hero and best friend, to a stranger he couldn’t recognize, to an adult he tries to have a decent relationship with, now. Still, October 10 is a hassle. If Sae is in town, something he tries to do for their sake, their parents always insist on having a small birthday celebration at home.

His mother spends hours decorating the living room, orders a cake so big it would require at least ten additional guests, they have so many gifts ready and wrapped by the table. For the past few years, Rin has been getting his brother a gift too. Not exactly a peace offering but the promise of getting there, perhaps.

It infuriates him that Sae still acts perfectly normal around him, never hostile, indifferent at best. They barely talk to each other but Rin doesn’t want to spend his entire life seething, he doesn’t want for one single feeling to define him anymore. So he also accepts the birthday gifts his brother sends him on September 9.

It’s just a day, he mentally repeats, it will be over soon. But he doesn’t expect the doorbell to ring, everything has already been delivered and they didn't invite anyone.

Rin certainly doesn’t expect you, standing on his doorstep with a million dollar smile and clearly hiding something behind your back.

“What are you doing here?”, he’s frozen, in disbelief. You’re not supposed to be there.

“Surprise!”, you grin, “look what I finally found!”.

You’re suddenly holding something so close to his face he has to take a moment to focus to understand what he’s looking at. It’s a horror game, one he’s looked everywhere for because they don’t sell those anymore. Rin only mentioned it once but of course you mentally took note and conducted your own, personal research. It must’ve costed you a fortune. You’re such an idiot.

“It’s not a good time”, he takes a step back, hoping you’ll get the hint and do the same. Your smile falls.

“I know. I just wanted to drop this off. Here”, you hand him the neatly packed gift. Rin takes it, then meets your gaze for a second. He wants to say something, apologize, but you’ve already turned your back to him and are quickly granting his wish of being left alone. He asks himself how much patience you have left, how close you are to abandoning him and his asshole ways for good.

“Who are you?”.

Rin freezes a second time, the voice behind him so close and oddly interested. You stop in your tracks, whip around to look at someone who isn’t him. Something hard flashes across your features but it’s quickly whisked away when you offer one of your usual, polite smiles.

“No one, I was just passing by”.

Something inside Rin cracks. No one? You can hardly ever shut up about being his friend. 

Sae hums.

“You should come in. There’s extra cake”.

When their mom catches sight of you, she also invites you in and there’s really no turning back from that. You’re too well mannered, too acquainted with his family to refuse. So you indulge them.

From the kitchen, he observes something he never thought would (or should) happen. Sae, the most infuriatingly detached, impassive person on the planet, is sitting next to you on the couch, where you’re making polite conversation. He’s listening. Rin knows he’s listening because he keeps his eyes on you, stance relaxed. Who knows what nonsense you’re rambling about this time, unfinished cake in the paper plate balanced on your knees. He says something, you chuckle. Rin focuses on his own unfinished cake, suddenly nauseous.

All these years, this is the one thing he didn’t want to happen, you meeting his brother. It’s petty and childish and Rin isn’t even quite sure why the desire to keep you from him has burned ardently this entire time but the fact that his efforts have vanished in the space of one afternoon brings a strange weariness.

By the time you excuse yourself, his parents are begging you to stay over for dinner. You refuse, thank them, thank Sae the most and wish him the happiest birthday. He dismisses your formality with the vague wave of a hand, says he hopes to meet you again. You smile sweetly.

“There’s no need”.

Rin ignores your objection similarly to how you ignored him the entire afternoon, finishes buttoning up his coat instead. He always walks you home and today will be no exception.

The silence between you two is so uncharacteristic it irritates him, to the point of affliction. Are you that upset with him? Ah, the magic must’ve finally flickered out.

“So, how was it?”, he spitefully pushes, “meeting the legendary brother”.

You keep your gaze on the street.

“It was okay”.

Rin scoffs.

“Just okay? You two really hit it off”.

“He was kind to me”.

“I’m sure he was”.

You finally stop in your tracks to look at him.

“Just because we’re friends it doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole all the time, you know”.

Rin stops too, lips parted, breath condensating into a tiny cloud by his mouth. The serious look you’re fixing him with makes his shoulders slump ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry”, he murmurs. Your gaze softens and he hates it, how easy it is for you to cut him some slack.

“Can you tell me what’s really wrong, Rin?”.

He feels like throwing up.

“Nothing is wrong”.

You hum, pensive, take the time to kick a tiny rock with the tip of your boot.

“I really think you should give yourself some grace. You deserve some peace”.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”.

“It means you’re so focused on protecting yourself from imaginary threats, you can’t see”.

“See what?”.

You offer a sad smile.

“How bright you shine”.

Rin is so taken aback he doesn’t know what to say, surprise paralyzing his entire body. He hasn’t felt like this in a while, perhaps years. It’s not fair that you have access to such a vulnerable side of him, it’s not fair that he can suddenly sense a weird lump in his throat.

“I don’t shine-”, he spits the word out, disgusted.

You’re usually very careful about his boundaries, whether they’re a hoax or not. But this time? You do something you’ve never done before, roughly take his face in your cold hands to make sure he keeps his gaze on you instead of avoiding it like a coward.

“You shine, Rin. I’m so tired of you being the only one refusing to see it. You’re the most resilient, talented, hardworking person I know. You did good. But the challenge is over, there is no war anymore, you don’t have to persist in this stubborn seclusion”, your eyes are suddenly wet, tears precariously collecting in your lash line, “you get to rest, now. Please, be proud of yourself and rest. There’s nothing to be on your guard against”.

He doesn’t remember his heart ever squeezing as painfully in his chest before, the urge to take your face in his hands making the pads of his fingers itch. He doesn’t remember the last time he came so close to let a few tears fall.

He’s gonna take you too. Just like he takes everything from me.

The thought takes his breath away for a moment. He feels your thumb gently stroke his cheek.

“You’re the legendary brother to me, anyway”, you smile, then sniffle.

Has he split himself wide open for you or are you simply that good at reading him? Rin can feel his hands shake when they fist the fabric of your plush jacket.

“Why are you telling me this?”, he can barely recognize the desperation vibrating in his own voice, “why do you even put up with me?”.

You blink a few times, astonished. Then smile again, warm and bright like the sun. Oh, he doesn’t shine, you do.

“Because I love you, obviously”.

And Rin doesn’t have to ask, doesn’t have to wonder what you mean. He knows. He’s known all this time.

“Why did you never tell me?”.

“Because you wouldn’t have let me do it in peace”, you chuckle, “you don’t like me like that so you wouldn’t have let me love you. As if I needed something in return. As if loving you as a friend couldn’t possibly be enough, anyway”.

His fingers are hurting from how tightly he’s still fisting the fabric of your jacket. It feels like his insides are exploding with a million different emotions and he doesn’t have nearly enough time to interpret them. But does he really need that, after all? Time. He’s known you for so long. 

“Stop putting up a fight, silly”, you let go of his face but flick his forehead, to which he grimaces, surprised, “let me love you. I’m your best friend in the whole, entire world after all! Who cares about your stupid brother? No wait, that came out mean, I just meant I care more about you than-”

Rin’s sudden embrace is suffocating, you’re pressed against him so tightly you genuinely struggle taking a single breath. You don’t remember him ever hugging you, the most noteworthy intentional contact you can recall is his arm around your shoulders when you insisted on taking a cute selfie, once. Every other hug, you had always initiated. His arms were always loose around you, cautious, despite his forehead often resting on your shoulder.

His clothes smell nice. He smells nice. You close your eyes, bask in a warmth so strange yet familiar. You don’t think you’ll ever love someone the way you love him.

“You’re so stupid”, Rin murmurs against your neck. With a smile, you nuzzle your face further into his chest.

“So I’ve been told”.

He thinks his heart might be seconds away from slamming itself free from his ribcage.

“Can you tell me again?”.

“What, that I don’t care about your brother? Sure, fuck Itoshi Sae. Oh no, that was also way too mean, don’t tell him I said-”

Rin pulls away abruptly, hands kept on your shoulders to keep you there or maybe to steady himself. You shut your mouth, don’t comment damp cheeks dusted with pink. It may be the most vulnerable you’ve ever seen him.

“Not that, you idiot”, his pitch is gentle, with a hint of amusement. One of his hands cradles your cheek, thumb gently skimming over your lips.

“I love you”, it comes out less bold now, timid. Something melts in his chest all the same.

“Will you pretend it never happened, if I kiss you now?”.

Your exhale is shaky.

“No”.

All these years and this is the first time you’re seeing Itoshi Rin truly, openly smile. The sight does something funny to your stomach.

“Good”.

[bunny-jpeg]

make you feel good

toto wolff

request: For the Valentine’s Day request! 37 with Toto Wolff 😩 including jealousy, possessiveness 37. “could he make you feel as good as i do?”

tags: smut/pwp, jealousy, possessive behavior, age gap (20s/50s) mating press, mentions of breeding, teasing, semi public fingering

eros (the valentine's collection)

toto tapped his pen against his desk at the pit wall. the seconds ticked away slowly, your warm giggles filled his head which only made him grow hotter. the corner of his mouth twitch as he heard an engineering make more sweet comments about you. you only fawned at his words.

you were painfully oblivious to his intentions. you only had eyes for toto, it put blinders on in regards to anyone else. you couldn't tell when a boy was flirting with you.

however, that didn't soothe his jealousy. toto could be a little protective of you. he had to, especially since you were so innocent at times. your giggles filled his brain once more and he almost snapped the pen in half.

he quickly looked over at you and said in a tense tone, "princess. come here, now."

toto was quite good at balancing you on his knee while he went over what he needed to do for the weekend. in a flurry of activity no one noticed toto's hand on yoru thigh. he looked focused on papers and the screens as his large hand moved up your thigh and under your skirt.

you needed to learn obedience, you couldn't be such a slut, especially when toto allowed you at his job. he had a reputation which left very little room for misbehaved little sluts in whorish skirts. you held your breath as his fingers touched your achy pussy. you felt a shudder of want through you. couldn't cause a scene, not while toto was working. his ability to multitask that way made you feel excited all over.

"behave, princess. it's rather not have an international incident." he said softly as he watched your resolve crumble. especially when he got his fingers at your clothed pussy. and with a little adjustment of you on his lap, he teased your clit over your panties, "shhh, now. let me work." he kept an arm around your waist with his fingers dipped between your legs.

his grip was like a vice, you weren't going anywhere. you let out a small noise that you covered up with a fake cough. your short nails dug into his shoulder, he kissed your cheek and felt heat under his lips.

"could he make you feel as good as i do?"

you shook your head and felt the pleasure course through you. this was an act of dominance. toto wanted to cement in your head that you were a taken woman. that you were with one man, toto wolff. you felt your place on his knee uneasy as you tried to pull yourself together.

"please." you said softly then bit your bottom lip as he applied more pressure to your clit. you bit back a moan and kept yourself focused as pleasure hit like waves against a rocky shore.

only he could make you feel that good. he kissed your cheek before he pulled his hand out from your skirt and covered your thigh once more with his large hand. the jealous old man looked from the corner of his eye to see if he had an audience. most weren't paying attention, save for the poor engineer who thought he had any chance with you.

toto noticed, yo didn't. and he only added salt to this poor guy's wound when he pulled you into a tight kiss. all that could be taken from that was, do no touch what belonged to toto.

by the end of the day, when you both got back to the hotel. the possessive feeling was extended to you. you had to remember who you belonged to, toto couldn't blame you. you wasn't your fault you were so stupid sometimes. but toto was always there to remind you, that what was a good partner did after all.

toto lingered like a shadow and soon struck as he stripped you of your clothes. but you weren't about to touch him. he pulled your skirt off your hips and near ripped your white t-shirt. his larger hand groped your breasts.

your back to his chest as he almost bruised your pretty tits with his tight grip. you squirmed and your noises quickly grew in volume. but toto kept you close to him, using his size and strength.

"no, no, no princess. where are you going?" he said lowly, "you act like that was with a total stranger, but won't give me what is mine? seems unfair?"

"i'm sorry." you should have known. a jealous man like him only grew in the feeling the more you moaned and whined. you knew you'd be covered in his possessive marks soon enough.

"i know, my princess. you're just so silly sometimes. don't realize that the world is full of men who wish to hurt you." he kissed the top of your head, "poor thing. need a protector in your life. but protection comes at a cost, right? you're smart enough to know that everything comes with a price."

his words made your legs feel weak. you whined, "toto, please."

"you beg to beautifully. it is quite cute." he said lowly, "all for me. every inch is mine." his hands spread across your shoulders, "can you remember that for me? or do you wish to continue to be a whore?"

you whimpered, the pleasure burned in your soul.

"i will happily let every member of the team have their way with you. from top to bottom, like the whorish toy you are. you'd be happy to be the team's stress relief after a rough weekend, right? because you're just that much of a little whore."

"please." you gasped, "i only want you." it was true, you only craved toto. he made you mad for him. his love was intense and it radiated through you like a wildfire.

he leaned in to kiss your neck, "then get out of what little clothes you have left on and on the bed. if you don't, i'll make you." his voice excited you.

he let go of you and watched you rush to the bed. he admired how quick you moved in such little clothes. he loved how you body looked. it was something to admire. he followed you with his hands at his belt.

you got onto the bed and toto was close behind you. he already had his belt off before he got onto the bed. you let out a small noise and started to undress him. "fuck, toto." you exhaled as you felt excitement in your core as you stripped him nude. his toned body made your pulse jump and your rub your thighs together in anticipation.

"see, this is all yours." he ksised your jaw then his slacks were on the floor. then the briefs were tossed to the other side. you shared another kiss before he was between your legs.

you felt flustered then yelped when he hiked your hips up up and got your knees to your cheeks. that glossy pussy on display for him. it was intoxicating. he eyed your smaller form and heat curled in your gut from his heavy gaze.

"you always look better on your back." he remarked before he inched his cock into your needy cunt. a slice of heaven that he got to fuck almost daily. he could already feel the pleasure in his mouth like a lingering taste.

you moaned as he moved against you. you held onto your legs under your knees. he moved against and watched you tense up for a moment before you relaxed.

his pace was strong and rough, little time for gentleness when there was seething envy in your lover's core. it made you feel heat radiate through your body as he made sure he fucked you in such a way that you never thought about anyone else ever again. he fucked you in a way that only a lover could. you'd yearn for another more as long as he kept your slutty little mind full of pleasure. have your sweet pussy yearn only for him.

and with the noises you were making, he was near certain that you weren't going to pull a stunt like that ever again. the position he had you in left you pinned under him. to fuck with heavy thrusts. it was like a fire in both of you as he fucked your most sensitive spots.

you were toto's alarmingly younger lover and he had expectations for you. to fuck you into a sweet submission and you were to behave for him. he'd give you the world! you were perfect so of course he'd be a little jealous of those tried to pluck you out of his grasp!

he leaned over you further and worked you achy cunt until you were a whiny mess. he admired you, you looked beautiful under him and when your eyes fluttered shut he said firmly, "eyes open, princess. i want to see those beautiful eyes." then quickened his pace to force you to open them.

the older man gave you a tender kiss on the lips before he said, "so beautiful. you look good under me. so needy." then licked his top lip at the sight of you. all he could think about was how great you took his cock, he knew he had you all to himself.

"fuck, toto, please!"

you were to be cherished, to be loved, to be ruined by toto.

"see what happens when you behave? when you listen to me and be a good girl. you get the royal treatment." he kissed the corner of your mouth and you moaned.

you made such beautiful noises.

"will you behave from now on? be my good angel. you are so important to me." he kissed you on the lips. the kiss was passionate and you moaned into it.

when he broke away, you nodded sweetly. you licked your lips before you found your words, "yes, fuck, yes. i'll be good for you. please, ah! i promise."

and toto cracked another smile before he moved quicker. his thrusts left you out of breath and it made your toes curl as your cheeks were pressed against your knees. he had you bent to his liking, it still made you flustered with sexual want. you felt the pleasure thump in your core. the heat made your cunt soaked as he fucked you up against the covers.

"toto." you whined.

he kissed your lips once more, pressing against you. he groaned into the kiss. he held yo by your legs and kept up the rapid movements. the mating press allowed him to hit all the right spots inside of you.

you grippe your thighs tightly and let pleasure was over you. you shuddered and moaned the noises were sweet and it made toto fuck you harder. you weren't going to last much longer.

"beautiful, beautiful." he said softly as he continued to thrust. he could feel the bloom of pleasure in his chest. he shakily exhaled from the pent up emotion in his body. you squirmed and he eyed you hungrily.

you reached for him and gave him another searing kiss. everything felt heightened in your body, you murmured, "i love you."

"and i love you."

with a few more thrusts, you held onto your lover tightly and climaxed. you let out a sweat moan and then a small gasp as the lust washed over you. it left an intense afterglow in your mind, an intense sexual euphoria. everything ran hot in you.

toto watched you come apart and moved faster. there was no slowing him down. he kissed you once more as he soon finished inside of you.you moaned into the kiss and he nudged his cock all the way inside of you.

he slowed to a stop and took you by your face. he gazed at you once more before he gave you another tender kiss. you dropped your legs to the bed and toto continued to kiss you

you were soon curled up against him, you gave sweet kissed to your love and he happily accepted them while he held you by your middle.

"you'll be my good girl?" he asked softly.

you nodded, "of course, always for you, toto." you glowed under his affection. you'd be good for him. but you couldn't help but be alluring to so many.

but toto would make sure that everyone knew that you belonged to him. only him <3

[exocynraku]

I like to say that I absolutely adore how you design your feline characters and make them very unique. You’re my favorite warrior cat artist because of it! How do you go about designing your characters?

halloo... thank you! this ones a bit harder for me to explain, but i'll try! i'm going to specifically talk about cats, but these could be used for other types of characters, mostly furries. note: um, guess who talks too much! i had to split this post into four. so check the reblogs! 1. placing markings with PURPOSE (this is the big one!!!) it was only recently i finally managed to find a way to word this. to create a good design, you need to understand how to place markings with purpose. to me, there are two components to this: spacing/size and body wrapping. body wrapping first. this is how the markings on a cat's pelt wrap and contort around their body. bodies are not flat surfaces, they have plenty of curves, ridges, etc, which will alter the shape of markings placed on top of them. the markings on your character both needs to contort to the shape of the body part AND how it would look from the viewer's perspective. here's some examples;

in the first picture, you can see how i wrap the markings around the cylindrical shape of the leg. in the second picture, you can see both that i've wrapped the markings around the shape of the arm and belly, but likely also that the marking i've specifically highlighted on the arm is being smushed because of the bending of the arm. this leads to a better design, as when you look at it, i feels more natural than if you were to plaster markings over the cat in a straight line. here's a real-life example.

you can see how the markings curve around the body, though i find it's sometimes less pronounced as i would portray it in art. but it's there. sizing and spacing are second. these are less realistic aspects, as cat markings tend to be very random, however it art it leads to a cleaner, more readable & desirable design. sizing and spacing also have a lot to do with consistency. it's also... a little hard to show. i don't find myself messing it up in old pieces, and the designs i do know of which do this are... from strangers. who i would feel bad throwing under the bus for having designs i don't like LMFAO. but i can do my best to describe them. the size of your markings should stay relatively consistent throughout your design. what i mean by this is if you have large, thick stripes along your whole character's body, i wouldn't recommended adding one random thin, pinstripe-y stripe on your characters body. if you want to give them thin and thick stripes, then you need to have BOTH consistently throughout the body. or, give it a balance. thick stripes on the body, neck and tail, and thinner stripes on the face and legs, for example. very, very small markings are GOING to go unseen by you or others drawing the design, i absolutely guarantee it. similarly, the spacing of your markings should stay relatively consistent. for me this mostly occurs in tabby cats. if i draw, for example, the character's body stripes a certain distance apart, i'm not going to suddenly change that distance on another part of their body, such as their legs. the main issues i find with sizing and spacing is when people have issues with BOTH of them at the same time. random markings everywhere with all sorts of sizes and shapes and spacing will make your design cluttered, unreadable and unappealing. even on characters you'd think would be exceptions to this, such as randomly spotted characters/tortoiseshells, i still think about. how can i place these spots or patches in a way that will properly define the markings, making it easy to understand? how can i place spots to not make them too cluttered in certain area? etc. it's definitely a bit hard to explain, especially without visuals, but i tried lol (SOBS) (see reblogs for CONT.)

[deepamuthukrishnan]

We Listen and We Don’t Judge

Pairings: Nico Hischier x OC

Warnings: Spoilers for That Sik Luv, King of Wrath, King of Sloth, God of Wrath, and God of Malice but just a lot of fluff.

Summary: You are a viral booktoker and after seeing the we listen and we don’t judge trend with couples, you put your own twist.

—————————————————————————

It’s not a joke that you are mildly addicted to TikTok. After all, by day, you worked for the New Jersey Devils as a social media girl but by night, you are one of the most viral booktokers on BookTok.

Currently you were doomscrolling on TikTok, waiting for your boyfriend, Nico, to come home from hanging at Jack’s and Luke’s place.

You suddenly come across a video of a couple doing the We Listen and Don’t Judge trend which you weren’t that completely unaware of because you had seen it on your for you page for the last few days.

“We listen and we don’t judge.” The couple both said before the woman started to talk.

“I sometimes don’t wash our fruit because I feel lazy.” She said, trying not to laugh.

The man burst into laughter. “Jesus we’re gonna get worms! We probably have worms in our bodies!”

“Well we listen and we don’t judge!” She clapped back and you began to laugh.

After about three minutes of watching that video, an idea popped in your head. You walked to your massive bookshelf that Nico assembled for you for Christmas last year and got out your copies of That Sik Luv, King of Wrath, King of Sloth, God of Wrath, and God of Malice from your shelf before walking back to the living room.

As soon as you walked back, you saw Nico walk in, taking his shoes and beanie off.

“Hey Schatz.” He said, wrapping his arms around your waist, giving you a kiss.

You pulled away to greet him back, Nico pouting a bit. “Hey baby. How was the hangout at Jack’s and Luke’s place.”

“Same old same old.” He said, his Swiss German accent being prominent.

You chuckled. “Why don’t you get changed.”

“Okay.” He gives you a quick kiss before walking into your shared bedroom before walking out in grey sweatpants and a devils hoodie.

“Hey Nico?”

“Yeah?” He asks.

“You love me right?”

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked and you look at him gobsmacked.

“Okay no. I’m not breaking up with you-“

“Thank god.”

“I was literally gonna ask if you wanted to be in a TikTok baby.” You say.

Nico has been your biggest supporter and even though it was a mutual decision to keep your love life private, along with the occasional post of each other on your birthdays, anniversaries, and reposting posts of you guys in them.

“Oh okay. What TikTok?”

He plops down on the floor and looks at the pile of books on the coffee table. “What TikTok is it?”

You get your phone and open TikTok, going to make a new video, propping your phone on the little fake bonsai tree.

“Okay so we’re gonna do the we listen and we don’t judge trend except it’s with the books I read last month.” You say to your phone before stopping the recording.

“I say we listen and we don’t judge and tell you something about the book.” I explain.

“So I sit and look pretty?”

“Pretty much.” I answer.

I get out the first book, That Sik Luv, from the pile before clicking the button to record.

“We listen and we don’t judge,” you say, trying so hard not to laugh. “In this book, she’s in a religious cult, she doesn’t know that she is. Either way, the church that runs their town are trying to kill her so they hire this mercenary dude who becomes obsessed with her and stalks her and shows just how corrupt the church is. So one day, when she has to go to confession and he’s waiting for her in where she’s supposed to sit and they get their freak on when she’s giving her confession to the deacon and when he pulls back to curtain to pew pew her, he acts quickly and pew pews the deacon and they continue to get their freak on in front of the deacon’s now dead body.”

Nico mulls over what you said before saying, “I would read this book Schatzi.”

“What?!” You look at him horrified. “Like you’re not playing with me are you?”

“I mean I would skip over these kinda scenes but it seems interesting.”

“Oh my lord.” You muttered before grabbing King of Wrath.

“We listen and we don’t judge,” you said, forming her thoughts. “So in this book, both the characters are in an arranged marriage situation for reasons I can’t say. Anyway, one thing leads to another and he’s,” you mime fingering to him and he raises his eyebrows, “her and calls him an asshole and he replies with ‘I’m an asshole, yet youre dripping for me.’”

“Is this what you’re reading when your jaw is dropped?” He asks.

“Well like, you signed up for this.” You say.

“I love you too much.” He said, pulling you into him.

“I love you too.” You say and you grab King of Sloth.

“We listen and we don’t judge. So for context, her ex cheated on her-“

“He’s a dead man.” Nico fumes, his Swiss German accent becoming even more prominent.

“If you’ll let me finish.” You say, trying not to laugh at his outburst but you crack a smile. “Anyway, because of that, she has trust issues and when she’s telling him, so the mmc, her trust issues, instead of reassuring her, he sits her on her desk and goes to town with his mouth on her. He then proceeds to bend her over and goes to town on her and he puts duct tape over her mouth because she’s apparently loud.”

A beat of silence passes before Nico says, “If your ex cheated on you and you said that, I’d do the same.”

You whack the book on his head. “No you won’t.” You reply, both of you laughing.

“What, I need to remind him what he missed out on.” He responds chalantly.

You roll your eyes before grabbingGod of Wrath.

“We listen and we don’t judge. So in the first chapter, she wants to kill herself because her best friend killed himself and she on the edge of the cliff and she jumps, but then the mmc grabs onto her and he said that the only way he can save her life is if she performs a certain sexual act down there.”

“Like what do you mean?”

“He’s holding on to her and he’s like oh the only way I will save you if you do this certain sexual act down there for me.”

“And she does.”

“Well yeah. If we were in this exact situation, I’d do it because I value my life.” You respond.

“Okay true.” He says.

You get out your last book, God of Wrath, trying not to laugh.

“We listen and we don’t judge. In this book, she’s walking home at night with her headphones in and these two creeps are like following her but then, the mmc, who was stalking her, bears the guys up because in his eyes, he’s the only one that allowed to stalk her.”

“Oh.” He says. “That’s kinda stupid though.”

“What is?” You ask.

“Walking alone at night with headphones in. Like does she not have any sense?”

You burst into laughter at his words. “Literally the mmc asked her the exact question and it is pretty stupid.” You look at your phone before saying, “Guys, remember to not walk alone at night with headphones in. But also let me know if yall want a part 2.”

You hit the stop button and he pulls you further into him. “You know I love you, but this is the weirdest TikTok you made me do.”

You chuckle and kiss his jaw. “I know babe.”

[h-sleepingirl]

Dolly in the Art Gallery: A Charmed 2025 Scene Log/Recap

“Art is how we decorate space, and music is how we decorate time.”

I first heard this Jean-Michel Basquiat quote in a rope class from Barkas, in the context of how we play within both space and time in a kink scene. I think about it frequently, especially as I feel more and more passionately about the brutally human impulse to create art.

I have been coming to hypnosis events since 2013, before Charmed existed -- my first event was packed with my own manic energy, held in a dungeon where people could hypnotize me basically at will. No hotel staff, no sneaking back to a private room. I developed a reputation as an aesthetically pleasing subject, often put on display in subtle and overt ways.

I have grown up in this community. Essentially my entire adult life has been spent involved in going to events and cons. I'm 33 now, and as Charmed celebrates its 10th year I've perhaps been unconsciously influenced to reflect on myself aging.

I feel so much older than that 21 year old exhibitionist. I'm more reserved, quieter, more selective, and certainly smarter. I like who I'm becoming, but I do miss parts of who I used to be -- that confidence, that energy. 

On Friday evening I looked at the schedule and saw there was going to be a Gallery of Living Art -- it's been a staple at Charmed for a number of years, but I'd never done more than peek inside.

I thought to myself: “Why not try to get in touch with that playful younger self? Why not show everyone who I am nowadays? Why not live out a fantasy?” 

Surely I’m not too old. Surely I haven’t grown out of this.

The time comes and I connect with my partner about it. He knows that one of my absolute favorite things is being totally frozen. We decide against anything complicated. No one will touch me or trigger me or anything like that. It’s the most “negotiating” we've maybe ever done, but I still leave all details to him. I tell him: “I was really just thinking this is an opportunity for me to sit blank and still for a long time.”

We walk into the room, and it’s overwhelming. People are setting up intricate exhibits with lots of creative interactions. There is a sheet we need to fill out to describe what our “art” is, which my partner writes on cryptically.

“Dolly can't talk. Duh…”

“Dolly is precious -- don't touch!”

Under “Artist”, where he is meant to put his name, he writes a question mark.

I am so in love with him, watching his mind work on the spot.

We find a place in the loud room and look at each other. We are a fluid force of nature in a bed together, spontaneous and wild. This planning doesn't feel like us. This hypnosis isn't a formality, per se, but it just feels sort of like “We both know how this is going to end on some level -- so how do we spend this time?”

He gingerly removes my name tag and starts murmuring to me. 

Being a dolly is such a luxurious treat that the moment he suggests it, I crumble, gripping his shirt with my weak little fingers, moaning too softly to be heard by anyone but him.

He poses me. He fixes my gaze blank and forward. He lets me practice standing and sitting. This kind of rehearsal is unfamiliar for us, and I almost relish doing something that feels a little awkward.

I am a dolly when he leaves me, frozen and posed, but I know it is going to take a couple minutes to settle in. I am a dolly getting comfortable, a dolly with twinges of self-consciousness. After a couple minutes he walks me over to a different chair, one that is highlighted by empty space around it, and I sit, and I know this is truly where I am supposed to be on display.

Finally, total stillness rushes over me like pure relief. 

I sit, and I stare, and I don’t do anything else. My mind is blank, and sometimes all there is inside my head is “I’m a dolly, I’m a dolly,” in my little dolly voice. It is pure, simple bliss.

People begin to come up to me to look at me. I am a good dolly and I am silent and I do not move even my eyes. They patiently read my sign and then observe me. I cannot change my body position to be any more or less appealing to them, I cannot hide nor flaunt myself.

Some people say things to me, little compliments and appreciations, and I can’t really process their words. The little dolly voice in my head screams in pleasure when I’m spoken to and given attention.

I have ADHD, I’m addicted to my phone, I’m a fidgeter. But there is nothing that carries the unique pleasure of being frozen and still. It reminds me of Quaker meetings, of spiritual silence and meditation that makes one feel time itself as though it has a sensory texture.

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel talks about the Jewish sabbath as proof that it is not intuitive for us to sanctify time. But nevertheless as Jews we must learn to do it to make shabbat holy every week. Shabbat is “a cathedral in time,” he says, and I’ve been thinking about how much that applies to my experience of hypnosis. Hypnosis is not a physical object. We may sometimes have props but we cannot touch trance and it leaves no marks. It is time that is the sacred dimension in hypnosis, the time that we set aside (“kadosh” in Hebrew) with another human being.

Heschel says we are slaves to space and material things. And in this moment I feel like I have gotten as close as I can to releasing that. I am not even moving my physical body within the physical world. I am just relishing each passing second of stillness, building my cathedral in time.

Of course, sometimes I think sacred space and objects are very important. After all, I am in a space that is incredibly rare, that only exists very briefly, that I had to travel at length to get to.

And I am an object -- art -- inside of it. I am literally decorating the space, as Basquiat would say.

Am I thinking all of this as I sit there motionless? No, not with any sophistication. I truly feel blank. But I am feeling flashes of this as abstract mental sensations that I will untangle later.

Something else strikes me very quickly that I observe within. When people walk up to look at me, something inside me tenses up. I realize that I am unconsciously preparing myself to talk to them. I have been coming to cons for so long, and especially since beginning to write books I always meet a ton of new people every year who come up to me to talk, which I adore. But right now I am in a space where I literally cannot have a conversation with anyone. I don’t even have my nametag on anymore -- my partner was so clever to remove it.

It is the opposite of vending books, where I sit in a chair and am helpless in the sense that I must engage in conversation with the people who come up to meet me. Now, I literally cannot talk to anyone, and they cannot talk to me, and most people may not even know who I am.

It is a hit of extreme objectification, more real than it has ever felt. I am not sleepingirl -- I am a dolly. “Who” I am doesn’t matter. I am art.

My partner also is not sitting there receiving compliments for me. He is nearby, in eyesight, just watching. But he’s anonymous too. And there is something about this mutual anonymity that makes me feel even prouder about us as a couple. There is no performance of who we are. I don’t know how to describe it, but obviously it feels more authentic than public play usually ever does. Like a little secret we are sharing a corner of.

And he looks ever the artist, sitting back and watching me. I feel very strongly that this little scene isn’t the art -- it’s me. Our relationship is what’s really on display. All the work he’s done over 7 years of brainwashing me, real work on my personality and identity, my wardrobe, every single way I express myself and who I am. The people coming by are seeing his bimbo, his dolly, his [x] -- without necessarily knowing who either of us are.

The rhythm is addicting. My mind babbles my self-given dolly mantra over and over, I luxuriate in the stillness, and I stare. I only can sort of half-see with darkened vision, though my eyes are wide. I love when people notice me sitting there -- their expressions change as they observe me. They step into my metaphorical space, which is eerily silent compared to the revelry of the creative demonstrations that fill the room. They are no longer “being entertained,” and no one can communicate to them what I am doing -- they must engage with me out of their own curiosity.

Sometimes they decide to talk to me. I can’t process most of it, but I remember a few interactions.

Someone says, “What an excellent dolly.”

Someone else notices that I’m wearing a bracelet that says “bimbo,” and says, “Even the details on this one are exquisite.”

Someone else says, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen sleepingirl play before.”

That last one hits me in the gut with memories of a time now long past: Play in public spaces was universal at cons; I couldn’t move from one place to another without someone dropping me into trance; absolutely everyone knew what I looked like when hypnotized.

Even now as I am on display, I have a mask on, and the people can’t see my gently parted lips.

It is a rush of emotion that is very complex for my simple little dolly head, but it goes away.

For a long while, I just exist as a thing in bliss while the room -- the whole world -- bubbles with activity around me. 

Eventually even as I sit frozen and blank, a little timer starts ticking in my head -- I could sit here for much longer, but I don’t want to make him wait for me, and I have other things I want to do tonight.

Reading Heschel has been helping me release some of that odd panic that bubbles up when I awaken from trance -- the feeling that magic is slipping through my fingers, memories are slipping out of my mind, and I can take no memento from it. I sometimes write, draw, or make music to try to capture the things I feel in hypnosis with my partner. I think it is from that impulse to be able to touch and hold hypnosis, to make it a “thing” in space as opposed to something of time.

But I do think there is something else, just a human drive to create art about this transcendent experience that we engage in together. I need to create art to try to communicate the perfect way I don’t move and my eyes go glassy. I need to express my emotions, my desires, my dreams, my love. I am only human, a human blown away by this very human thing we do that we call hypnosis.

Only my partner sees it, and he does see so much into the soul of it for me. But this is exactly what I have wanted -- a chance to publicly communicate the beauty of what he and I do. To make this art by performing it, living it. To engage in a human act of creativity by having my humanity stripped away from me.

I am a bimbo, a dolly, I am art -- and that doesn’t go away when I get up to tell him I am done sitting here. I am his art. I am a manifestation of his creativity in this world, and he has a beautifully creative mind which I love so dearly.

This is serious for me, this is real for me, this is so highly personal and jealously guarded as my own precious identity.

Ten years ago I laid my head on his lap and he transformed my eyes into dolly eyes and told me that someday he would turn my whole body into a dolly body. And as we laid together in a bed after the Gallery on Friday he talked about how I had those dolly eyes again in that room. But to me, it’s not about being a dolly, or even being a bimbo. It’s about creating art together, art with a power imbalance. And fucking respecting that as sacred and exciting.

I don’t have much else to say except extreme heartfelt gratitude to Mazirian for running the Gallery, and everyone who came by to look at me and said nice things to me and joined me in my world for just a little while. 

(If you’re curious, I was sitting there for about 30 minutes.)

[tiki-was-here]

Billy Butcher x Male Reader [Part Two]

Word count: 1.4k

Somebody sedate me ofmggg. Decided i don't want to hear billy talk rn so i simply gagged him. Lowkey wanna throw rocks at his house and make him cry (our relationship is complicated rn).

Idk how this turned into a male reader when it was supposed to be gender neutral. Oh well. Also he drools a lot in this idk why I did that.

[Part One]

You didn’t think, you just acted. You grabbed him by the collar, yanking him towards you, and kissed him hard. It was angry and messy, a collision of teeth and tongue that left you both breathless.

His hands found your waist, pulling you closer as he kissed you back with equal intensity. It was like all the anger and frustration had boiled over, spilling out into something raw and electric.

Your hand found its way to his throat, squeezing down hard enough that you knew there would be an ugly mark in a few hours. Your knuckles turned white with effort but that didn’t stop Butcher from leaning into your grip. Your kiss long forgotten as he chose to pant harshly in your neck. What a slut. Still, you wouldn’t get distracted so easily.

“Open up” you muttered, before unceremoniously shoving two of your fingers down his throat. You didn’t even have to tell him what to do, the brit immediately sucking like his life depended on it. Eyes rolling back and drool already rolling down his chin. It was always messy when you were with him but you weren’t complaining.

While he was making himself useful sucking on your fingers like they were the best cock he’d had in years, your other hand snaked its way down his front.

A wet patch had already started to form and he was unbelievably hard. You palmed him lightly, eliciting a muffled moan from his lips before eventually making your way to his hole.

Your fingers tentatively prodded his entrance, and to your surprise, he was wet.

“Such a slut for me aren’t you Billy” you cooed at him, thrusting your fingers in and out of his mouth softly. His entire shirt was now soaked with spit. “You couldn’t wait for me to come take care of you?”

The only response you got was a muffled “fuck you”

You chuckled “ I guess it’s only fair for me to have my turn now isn’t it?”

You grabbed his hair roughly and threw him to the ground, not giving a chance to breathe before pouncing on him, pin his thighs beneath yours, effectively trapping him against the ground.Butcher struggled against you, teeth bared in faux disgust.

You knew if he really wanted him off you he could easily do so, no one who's really struggling would arch up into your shallow grinds with such poorly hidden desperation. He wouldn't be propping himself up on his knees to better help you pull his boxers over the swell of his ass.

Shoving them in his mouth to keep him quiet, you decided to begin what you came here to do.

Because you felt like being a little bit nice today since Billy was being surprisingly quiet (and because you didn't want to hear him complaining about it the next day) you decided to finally remove your fingers from his mouth and got to work prepping him.

Your fingers entered him with little resistance. Starting with two you slowly worked your way deeper, purposely avoiding that bundle of nerves you knew Butcher was eager for you to find.

Just a few seconds of teasing got you frustrated whines from the man beneath you, squirming in his place underneath you.

He was so cute like this, face flushed red and tears gathering on his eyelids.

“You know Billy, sometimes I wonder how the rest of the team would look at you if they knew how much a whore their ‘beloved leader’ is”. You pulled your fingers out of him, instead replacing it with the tip of your cock, which was now red and weeping from the lack of attention.

“Could you imagine it?” you teased pushing into him slowly,”Standing in front of Homelander knowing that I had my dick inside you just moments earlier?” You felt him clench at that…what a whore.Your thrusts got faster, deeper, as all the frustration you've felt bubbling up inside you came (lol) up to the surface.

“You’d like that wouldn't you? Fighting him with my cum still dripping out of you?”. He frantically shook his head no as he ‘screamed’ what were surely muffled expletives from behind his makeshift gag. But you didn't need to listen to his answer to feel the way he clenched pathetically around your cock. You stored that info away for later, teasing him about Homelander was fun, but today was about him taking what you gave him, and you getting what you needed.

Your thrust reached a brutal pace, muffled moans and whines bouncing off of the thin walls of the motel. You could feel the pleasure building up in the pit of your stomach, and you knew that you were close. Reaching your hand under Billy’s hips, you stroked his cock at an unrelenting pace, desperate to make him come before you.

You wanted to record this moment, tears flowing freely down his face, the wet smack of your balls hitting his ass the only thing coming close to being louder than his wails. It was a wonder as to how he still had his boxers in his mouth, the poor material now darkened with drool. Still, as Billy reached his peak, you silently thanked it as it was surely the only thing keeping you from being interrupted with a noise complaint.

The brunette seemed to be in his own world, his tough guy persona long gone as he shook silently beneath you, his softening cock trapped between the floor and his cum stained stomach. You followed close behind, soft grunts escaping your lips as you emptied your load into him, before promptly collapsing next to him, chests heaving in unison.

-----------------

You knelt beside the tub, running your fingers through the warm water, testing the temperature.

Billy sat on the closed toilet lid, arms crossed over his chest, watching you with a tired sort of curiosity. His usual sharp, biting demeanor was dulled,

“You gonna sit there all night or actually get in?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder.

He huffed, shaking his head. “Bossy little thing, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, well, someone’s got to take care of you since you clearly won’t.”

He gave you a look but didn’t argue. With a sigh, he stood, peeling off his shirt and stepping into the bath. The water sloshed as he settled in, leaning back against the porcelain with a long exhale. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, and for once, he looked peaceful.

You sat on the edge of the tub, trailing your fingers through the water. “You can’t keep doing this, Billy.”

His eyes cracked open. “Doing what?”

“Losing it like that,” you said, voice soft but firm. “Tearing people apart just because you’re angry. Lashing out at me when you don’t know what else to do with yourself.”

His jaw tightened, but he didn’t look away.

“You want me on your side?” you continued. “Then you have to trust me. And you have to keep yourself in check.”

A muscle in his cheek twitched. He looked like he wanted to argue, wanted to push back just for the sake of it. But instead, he let out a long breath, staring at the water. “Not exactly my strong suit, love.”

You dipped your hand in the bath, letting the warm water slip between your fingers. “I know. But I also know you’re not as heartless as you pretend to be.”

Billy scoffed, but there was no real bite to it. “That so?”

“Yeah,” you said simply. “Because if you were, I wouldn’t be sitting here.”

A beat of silence passed between you, thick with unspoken things. He swallowed, shifting slightly, like the conversation was making him physically uncomfortable. You could see it—he wanted to apologize, admit that he’d gone too far. But Billy Butcher wasn’t the kind of man who could just say sorry. It wasn’t in his nature.

Instead, he reached out, grabbing your wrist and pulling you closer. His thumb brushed over the back of your hand, a small, unspoken gesture of remorse.

You sighed, shaking your head with a soft smile. “That your way of saying you feel bad?”

“Maybe,” he muttered.

“Wow. Huge moment for you,” you teased. “Almost like an actual human emotion.”

He gave you a flat look but didn’t let go of your hand. “Don’t push your luck.”

You squeezed his fingers gently. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Billy grunted, leaning back again, eyes slipping shut. But he didn’t let go of your hand—not even when the water started to cool.

[cloverapple]

Shifting FAQ and why you need to calm the FAQ down

“Can I script that—”

Yes.

“Can I shift to a reality where—”

Yes.

“Is permashifting possible?”

Yes.

“I’ve been trying for x amount of years—”

The time passed already. Focus on here and now.

“Will X happen if I script Y?”

Whatever you script will happen exactly how you want it to.

“Can I shift without any methods?”

Yes. There are infinite ways to shift = Infinite ways to go about something that is instant.

“I’ve tried everything—“

Except fully trusting yourself, since you’re still dwelling on your shifting journey from a place of lack.

“Do I need to believe 100% to shift?”

No. You just need to allow it. Doubt doesn’t stop you, resistance does.

“Is shifting, like, REALLY real?”

Yes.

“But my blockages—“

You’re not a clogged drain. There’s nothing blocking something that happens naturally.

“My subconscious doesn’t believe in my affirmations—“

Oh, my bad. I didn’t realize affirming was the only way to manifest. Sooo, what should I do with this whole bag of feeling my way into my DR, visualization, subliminals, SATs, askfirmations, scripting, channeling, daydreaming, meditating, embodying the state, living in the end, inner conversations, mental rehearsals, literally just vibing, and doing absolutely nothing because sometimes that works too? Should I just toss all that in the trash? Light it on fire? Bury it in the backyard? Cool, good to know.

“Can I shift while I’m tired? While I’m sad? While I’m stressed?”

Yes, yes, and yes. Emotions don’t block shifting. If anything, they help.

“Why haven’t I shifted yet?”

That’s like asking why the sun isn’t rising when you know it’s just beneath the horizon. You know it’s coming, you know it can break through any second, but you keep staring at the dark like the world is ending.

“How do I figure out what I need to do?”

The only person in this universe who knows the answer to that question is you, yet you doubt yourself so much, you mistrust yourself so much, that it’s like whatever your subconscious is telling you goes in one ear and out the other.

“But NOTHING works for me 😭”

Okay, listen—in the gentlest, most kindergarten-teacher voice possible—shifting is like 10% processes that “work for you” or not and 90% trust and letting go. If you can’t trust yourself, cool, trust your undeniable ability to shift. If that feels like a stretch, trust your subconscious (it’s been running the show since forever, give it some credit). Still not there? Trust the outcome. Trust something, anything. And then? LET. GO. RELAX. Like, actually unclench your jaw and stop treating shifting like it’s a piece of raw chicken and you a dog that has not eaten in *checks watch* 2 minutes.

Because if you’re over here sobbing, whining “nothing works for meeeee,” that tells me two things:

A) You don’t trust anything, which, surprise surprise, makes shifting a little difficult. B) Something does work for you. There’s a sweet spot, a method that clicks—but you haven’t found it because you approach every process with fear instead of fun, frustration instead of curiosity, anxiety instead of chill.

Imagine slipping into the driver’s seat of a car you know how to drive, but you’re bawling, panicking, flailing around like the steering wheel’s out to get you. You’re gonna hit a pedestrian. THE PEDESTRIAN IS YOU.

People forget that shifting is as limitless as you are. Shifting is you. Shifting has no rules. You have no rules. So why are you boxing shifting in? Why are you boxing yourself in? Why are you creating problems for something infinite? Why are you stepping into the identity of a finite being when you have the power to shift realities?

You weren’t born with limits. You were taught them. Conditioned to believe that things have to be hard, that you have to struggle, that you need to earn what’s already yours. But shifting doesn’t play by those rules, and neither do you. The only limits are the ones you keep dragging along with you.

“I’m quitting shifting. I still can’t shift even though I’ve tried XY and Z⏤”

This is you:

Side note: If you’ve read all this and you’re still frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, and sitting there like “I don’t know what to dooooo 😩”

Take. A. Break.

A day? Cool.

A week? Even better.

Two weeks? A whole month? Do it.

Take a break from shifting, from overthinking, from spiraling down every forum post and Reddit thread like it’s gonna reveal the secret of the universe. Because if you’ve hit that point where nothing sticks, every piece of advice goes in one ear and out the other, every answer feels wrong, and you’re waiting for some magical piece of advice to make you shift, guess what? You need to calm the FAQ down.

Maybe your brain’s flashing red lights like “WARNING: SYSTEM OVERLOAD” and you’re out here ignoring it, treating frustration and exhaustion like it’s another problem to fix instead of a big ol’ sign that your mind needs a nap and a snack.

Let it chill. Recharge. You’re not losing progress; you’re just giving your brain a breather so when you come back, shifting feels like fun again, not a chore.

[demonic0angel]

Dani goes to Jazz to ask how to do romantic stuff with her boys, since Maddie is kinda insane.

“Jazz?” Dani asked, sneaking into the room. Jazz was sitting on her bed with her phone and when she saw Dani, she patted the area beside her, which Dani immediately jumped into with a grin.

“Did something happen?” Jazz asked.

“Can’t I just spend time with my favorite sister?” Dani cajoled, batting her eyelashes.

Jazz snorted. “I’m your only sister. What’s up?”

Dani hemmed and hawed for a little while longer before she finally admitted, “The dates I have with Kon and Tim kinda suck. How do you and Jason do it?”

Jazz blinked. “Why? What about them sucks?”

Then she paused and asked, “Why didn’t you ask Mom? She’s home, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, but she wouldn’t get it. Kon, Tim, and Jason are all from the same dimension and are superheroes. Mom is like a supervillain… and she’s insane and her idea of a date would probably be about killing Danny.”

Jazz winced but agreed. “You’re right. So what makes your dates together suck?”

“I don’t know, we can never agree on something to do and then whenever we do, it’s always interrupted by villains and then the date is ruined. Also, I think we’re all trying to learn how to date and it sucks,” Dani complained, flopping over Jazz’s lap. “So how do you and Jason do it? Because you’re working as a full-time psychiatrist in the morning and then you’re working as his assistant at night, and then Jason is a loser who died, so like, how do you guys do it?”

Jazz looked at the ceiling for a moment in exasperation before she answered, “Well, we do a lot of things. Jason and I treat our missions as dates, and we use stakeouts as an excuse to hang out with each other and cuddle on rooftops. We both enjoy it, so I don’t consider it a chore and it makes it fun.”

“So you use missions as dates,” Dani muttered, taking out her phone and putting it in a new note.

“We also share a lot of hobbies, like reading, so we’ll read together or we’ll share a book and pass it between us so we can each read a chapter in our free time. Then we talk about it or pass notes. He also makes excuses for us when we’re not busy and takes me to see new things. Sometimes, it’s not just about you, it’s about you learning about your partner.”

“Sharing hobbies…”

Jazz eyed Dani with a raised eyebrow and continued, “For example, a few weeks ago, he took me to a show because I’ve never seen it before, but he loved it. I learned something new and we both got to watch each other’s reactions. And then the other day, I took him to our university in Amity Park and he got to attend a couple of classes since he never got to before.”

Dani nodded. “Bring each other to new places… okay! I think I got an idea! Thank you so much! You’re the best!”

Jazz beamed. “Of course!” As Dani jumped off the bed, she called out after her, “Tell me how it goes!”

A few days later, as Jazz and Jason were huddled together on a rooftop, holding hands and quietly chatting over a hamburgers and fries, Jazz pulled out her phone and gasped in delight. “Oh! It looks like Dani just had her first successful date with Tim and Kon! She took them out to visit Clockwork and see different timelines!”

Jason laughed in surprise, tugging her phone towards him so he could see the excited text messages that Dani sent over. “Wait, are you serious? Tim was just asking Dick for advice about going on dates a few days ago!”

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Ch. 111: Anya's Mama

So many things for such a little chapter, don't you think?

We saw baby Anya and we finally caught a glimpse of Anya's biological mother.

Something to notice is that they're both wearing hospital gowns, which makes me think they were in the lab and, because of that, we can solidify the theory about Anya being born there. It could be that her mom was pregnant when captured or that they experimented on her and she got pregnant while in that lab. A secret third option is that Anya's mom actually volunteered for the experiments (maybe she was a scientist herself or a family member coaxed her into doing it), although I find this unlikely due to her comment about the butterfly. Either way, I have a feeling we won't know for a very long time.

Mindreading or no mindreading?

Endo chose not to let us know about that explicitly. However, look at this panel:

I don't think Anya's mom is talking here. I think she's thinking this. Because of that, I do suspect Anya can read her mama's mind. She doesn't fully understand it but those words are inside her memory.

However, as you can see in the panel below, we don't see her classic mindreading sparkles. So, it' could also be that she saw her mom getting sad or nostalgic and she wanted to hug her. Kids are very perceptive of their parent's emotions.

If you ask me, I think she was born with that ability. Either her mom was also a telepath who was being studied during her pregnancy or she was experimented while pregnant and gained and passed her abilities to her daughter.

All this makes me consider that maybe Anya wasn't experimented on like many of us believed for a long time. Maybe those scientists were just studying her/observing her in order to understand and try to replicate her abilities. I'm really hoping Endo will go this route, it's less cruel. In any case, keeping someone so young as a case study is still wrong and I don't think Twilight and Yor will like this.

Anya's Mama

I'm talking about Yor, of course.

First of all, I think Endo summed up what motherhood is about in this panel:

It's not exactly that a mom can read their kid's mind, but it's something close. As a mom you get to know your child inside and out. When you take care of them, see them grow and love them with all your heart, you simply learn to "read every part of them."

That's how we know that Yor loves Anya and that she is her mom.

I don't know what happened to Anya's biological mom; she could be gone or still be alive. I'm sure we'll find out eventually. However, no matter what happens, I think Anya will always have that unconditional love from Yor.

There's a prevalent theme about motherhood in sxf: a mother as a safe place. Yor has mentioned it several times; she knows her job is to protect Anya and Anya feels safe when her mama is around (even Twilight notices this.)

I think the bond between them will get stronger as the story moves forward. Come on, it's pretty obvious Anya is Yor's baby, she's already head over heels and she decided she wanted to be a good mother since day 1. Also, a big theme in the story are bonds that are forged, and chosen family. In the story, blood ties sometimes are complicated (look at the Desmonds, for example.)

I'm not fluent in Japanese, but I am aware that Anya calls Yor and Twilight, Haha and Chichi, which is an English equivalent of "my mom and my dad", instead of just "mom and dad." In case you are wondering, Anya did call her biological mom, the right way: "mama."

At some point in the story, I think we will see Anya call Yor and Twilight, mama and papa the right way. I suspect this will be the moment when they will realize they're no longer a pretend family, but a real one. And it'll be simply beautiful 💖

A Few Questions

Whenever we learn something about one of the Forger's past, we are usually left with even more questions like:

Where's Anya's mom now?: I think either she's still a prisoner somewhere or she's dead. And if she's alive, does she know Anya lives?

How did Anya escape? She was so little! She must have had help from someone.

Who is Anya's dad? Maybe a scientist? A prisoner of war? Or was artificial insemination possible back then?

Is Anya her real name? I'm wondering if her mom called her differently. Here are some theories about her name. I suspect this will be important and I wouldn't be surprised if Anya is not her real name, almost as a foil of Twilight's name and story.

And also, there's a gap between that scene/memory and when Anya gets adopted by Twilight. We know thanks to Franky that in the year before Twilight adopted her, she was previously adopted by four different families, however, there's still a chunk of time missing.

I estimate she's probably 2 years old in that memory, she was 4 when she was adopted by those other families, and 5 years old when Twilight became her dad. That leaves 2 full years blank. Where was she during that time?

[lchufflepuffcorn]

Hi! I’ve been loving your Dragon!Hybrid headcanons!

I was wondering if I please could request headcanons on how each Dragon!Hybrid would react if their partner got injured? I don’t mind the gender specified!

Thank you!

Hiya Anon!

I'm glad you like it. I hope this headcanon will entertain as much as the rest. It was very interesting to write how everyone would react differently, as each has different challenges.

If you ever want to request something again, you can identify yourself as the 😵‍💫 emoji!

Injuries

Masterlist

Dragon!Hybrid Masterlist

Aegon:

“What’s happened?” 

Aegon was out of breath and walking briskly to you. There seems to be a mild panic in his voice; it's a bit higher than usual. You don’t know how he learned you’d gotten yourself into the care of the maester, but he’s here now… 

You shake your head as the maester explains how the cut on your forehead was superficial; he ‘tsk,’ rolling his eyes and dismissing the man before he can finish his sentence. 

Whilst his help is quick to leave the room, the maester takes his time leaving, and recommends a thousand things for you to do before finally closing the door behind him, leaving you alone with Aegon. 

The scale adorning his neck now extends to his jaw, his eyes more lizard-y than human. He asks again. “What’s.  happened?” This time, panic left its place to anger. It’s your turn to roll your eyes. 

“Nothing, truly.” 

Was your annoyance justified? Yes. Was it wise to use a tone on Aegon at the current time? Probably not. You watched as a stream of smoke left his mouth, eyes shining and talons sharpening at the tip of his fingers. “Issa prumia…” It sounded both like a threat and a caress. Somehow, that made you shiver; you didn’t know what kind of emotion that reaction came from.

It was not often that Aegon’s temper escaped him; the sight of blood must truly have disturbed him for him to let Sunfyre take control of the situation. You sighed a little, both to control the shake in your limbs and to regain (even just a little bit) some patience, which you were lacking awfully. 

“I peeled an apple with a blunt knife.” You let out, softly. The heat of embarrassment flamed through your veins as the words got past your lips. 

When all Aegon (Sunfyre?) did was raise an eyebrow, not adding anything, you sighed again. Must you truly embarrass yourself further? 

He just stayed silent, eyes locked on you, sometimes going to the bandage on your forehead. Shoulders sinking, you capitulated.

“I guess I made to hard a movement whilst peeling the fruit, and I cut myself with the knife.” You explained further, eyes stubbornly kept over Aegon’s head, on the wall. 

Aegon huffed, voice rougher than usual. “You guess?” He chided. 

“It wasn’t my intention.” You bite back before taking a breath. All of this wasn’t worth a dragon’s anger. “I won’t do it ag—“

Before you could finish your sentence, Aegon was climbing over your knees, opening your arms from the hug you had self-imposed on your body to tuck himself beneath your chin. A soft, acute purring escaping him. 

“So you're fine. I’ll have someone cut your fruit from now on. Hold me now. I’ve missed you.” He orders.

Brat. 

Aemond: 

You, hurt? Good joke. No, but seriously, it won’t ever happen because he’ll bust that person’s face before they can even think about hurting you. He’ll destroy the walls, the stairs, and eradicate the bees for you. 

And if (when) he can’t, he’ll panic. 

“What are you doing?” Comes the snarling question from your lover, the previously locked door nearly taken out of its joints as he opened it. You look up from your kneeling position on the ground. 

“Cutting through the wood.” You answer truthfully, showing him the knife you were using before he’d rudely taken away said door. The world was fuzzy on the edge of your sight, and you wanted fresh air; that wasn't too much to ask, was it? 

“May I ask why?” Aemond’s tone is not less venomous than when he first spoke, but you’ve dealt with him before. Honesty is your best way out of his wrath. 

“I was bored, and I’m feeling a lot better.” 

Aemond grunts, not convinced by your words (maybe because of the paleness you exhibited or the numerous escape maneuvers you’d pulled throughout the week.) He helped you to stand, even going as far as to pat the dirt out of your clothes before leading you back again to the plush chair near the fire (drats!). 

“A fever and a cold don’t just go away within three days, Qelos.” He chided you coldly, puffing out the cushion of the chair before helping you sit down. 

“Maybe it was a small fever? A baby cold?” you tried to convince him again. Humour was your best ally in conditions such as this. It was lies. A cold? Please. The only cold you’ve caught was by being exposed to a botched poisoning (a bad fish) and were forced to ludicrous experiments by the maester to make your illness go quicker (sleeping three nights in a hammock for fresh air in winter.)

Rewarding your tries to humour, however, Aemond’s face lost its edge; a small smile curved his lips, if only for a moment. 

“I promise to make up for your lack of entertainment, Qelos. Shall I call for music and refreshments?” He teased, covering your legs with a blanket, and kneeling next to you. His good eye had lost the coldness it usually shined with. 

Baela: 

Poor baby, you’re hurt? Don’t worry; Baela will take care of you. She’s not one to panic, or, at least, to let it show too much. 

“How does it feel?” She’d ask, for the thousandth time (or so it seemed) in the last hour, looking at the bump on your forehead. 

She was holding a small bag of ice over it and knew as much as you did that your condition had not changed since you’d ungracefully fallen flat on your face and came back up on your feet with a disoriented spring to your movements. Yet you answered all the same. 

“It’s cold, but it seems like my heart has gone back to my chest, as my brain isn’t beating as hard now.”

She hummed softly as the only answer, running her finger through your hair. Baela let her gaze run over your face, lost in her own mind now. You were making it seem as if you hadn’t seen her scramble out of her dragon form when you fell from your seat on her back, and she didn’t comment on the unseemly manner in which you’d fallen. Both parties were happy that way. (Ego : bruised, forehead : bumped, knees scraped, but on equal ground.)

Daemon: 

To Daemon, it depends. Did it draw blood? Did you do this to yourself? If you didn’t bleed, walk it off. If someone did this to you?? Blood or not, there’s gonna be hell to pay! 

It wasn’t a big deal. Seriously. Some drunk lord was talking smack and waving his knife around, a bit too close to your face. It might have been covert threats; you weren’t really listening. You’d gotten cut. Next thing you know, Daemon is cradling your face in his hands, examining the cut under all it’s angles (it literally just has one!!!), a scowl very present on his face. 

You try to whisper comforting words to him. “It’s okay; I’m okay. It’s not deep.” But it seems to only anger him more. A deep, cavernous sound echos in the chamber, shaking you to your core, and making the usually warm atmosphere (colder by the sudden shift of Daemon’s mood) freezing now. 

The lord was scrambling, apologies spurting out of his mouth faster than he could breathe; the man was already half up when Daemon spoke. His gaze was still locked on the bleeding cut on your cheek. 

“Making such a pretty thing bleed. Tis a distasteful hobby.” He said, growled, at the man. The lord only agreed, probably hoping that it would help his cause. 

“It’s nothing.” You tried to soothe your lover again, but Daemon’s gaze snapped to your eyes, his hands once gently cradling your face now becoming more tense, squishing your cheeks a tad to silence you. Not your battle to fight anymore. 

Caraxes’ fire burnt in his eyes. 

Helaena: 

She’ll soothe you to the best of her abilities, but she’s not a maester and thus is no good at healing, except to press something over the blood. That she knows. She might be a bit panicked due to her lack of knowledge. 

“I’m fine, my lady.” You laugh quietly, moving your head away from Helaena’s grip. 

She was holding her carefully embroidered project to your bloody nose. “How can you be? You’re bleeding!” She told you in a small, huffy voice that she kept for the sleeping children near yourselves. 

“This tends to happen when someone opens a door on your nose.” You teased softly, taking her hands in yours to steady her movements. 

“I didn’t know you were behind it!” She claims (again) exasperation dripping into her tone, eyes wide. You chuckled, letting one of her hands go to push back a strand of her hair from her face. 

“I never said you were to blame, my lady.” You kissed the hand remaining in your, a smirk plastered on your lips, the taste of iron prominent on your tongue. 

“Come, let’s get you properly cleaned up; you’ve bled all over your clothes.”

Jacaerys: 

As Jace rarely spends time away from you (or has you alone), you don’t often get hurt by accident. Or, if someone hurts you with the intention to do it, that’s another story, and Jace will search for retribution (wait— that’s probably more Vermax, but who knows…) 

Head held low, sitting like a child being sermoned as Jace paces around your shared chambers quietly. The maester had only just left, and you had dreaded that situation in which you were now trusted. Objectively, due to the wings that were nervously (angrily) fluttering behind Jace at every step, you knew that he was probably having a heated conversation with Vermax. 

Your injury was not bad, per se. It wasn’t good either, and your arm would be in a sling for months to come, but you hadn’t been in any mortal danger. Sure, young Joffrey and little Aegon were playing roughly, but it wasn’t that dramatic!

“Jace…” You spoke softly, deciding to address the elephant in the room quicker so the tension would melt. 

“You could’ve hurt yourself worst. How could you think it was a good idea to let the toss you around?” He spat, his eyes burning with a worried fire inside of them. His tone was strained—not entirely Jace, but not wholly Vermax either. 

“It’s healthy for young boys to play fighting!” You defended calmly, raising from your seat to approach your lover, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“I should like you to remain whole instead.” He scoffed, wrapping his arms around your middle to bring you closer to his chest. He presses a kiss to your forehead, minding not to place your broken arm in way of more hurt. His body is warmer than usual; the wave of emotions is probably the cause for it. 

“I promise to you that I’ll be more careful and mindful,” you added when Jace’s brows furrowed, “of my non-dragon self.” 

A churtle escaped the man’s throat, and his arms tightened around you. “Don’t joke around; I’m mad at you.” He huffed, making you smile. 

Laenor:

Laenor is more diplomatic than most. He finds that some injuries are good for the built of characters, and so he is not too alarmed when you come back with scraped knees and such. He will spend some time tending to you and comforting you, too. But in no way, shape, or form will it be something that gives him anxiety. 

“Are you hurt?” Laenor called down the mat of the (rather large) fishing boat he’d brought you for a small trip as another angry wave crashed on the bow and over the deck. Staggering, you held on to whatever was nearer (and stable enough to help you keep your footing). 

“No!” Somehow, your voice went over the sound of the angry sea and angrier skies to meet Laenor’s ears, and with a solanel nod, he dropped to the deck. 

“Good.”

 

Rhaenyra: 

Another one who’ll be very zen about the whole ordeal. People get hurt; it’s life. People get attacked; it’s also life. Oh, what’s that? They got fired? They found them dead?? How sad.

“What is it, Beloved?” She called out to you, her nose buried in an important report. She heard the door of the room open and close, the usual smell of your bathing oils giving you up to her sense of smell. 

“There’s a new kitchen boy.” 

Your answer was short, to the point, accusatory, even, but it didn’t seem to matter to Rhaenyra, as she simply gazed up at you for a second, diving back down into her report afterward. 

She took a deep breath, placing the paper down and taking another one, looking utterly unbothered. The golden, shimmering scales on her forearms mired against the walls, lit up by the candles on her desk, but it didn’t bring the smile it usually did. Instead, you crossed your arms against your chest, awaiting an answer. 

“Rotation within the staff happens, my heart; it’s hardly something I can control.” 

You scoffed a little. “So, it’s not about yesterday’s incident, then?” Rhaenyra looked back at you, eyebrow raised, either quizzically or mockingly; you couldn’t decipher which. 

“Whatever do you mean?”

Your eyes narrowed, and you walked closer to her desk, leaning against it to close the distance between both of you further. “The spilled tea? Your threats have been heard loud and clear. Was it not your doing?” You accused her in a cold tone that an untrained ear could mistake for calmness. Rhaenyra only smiled. 

“I know not what you speak of, darling.” 

Taglist: @lady-dragon-rider

[dragqueenstarscream]

hey, its me again, back with more Starscream thoughts, so you just know things are about to get uncomfortably real and introspective! Again, prefacing by saying that a lot of my analysis is based on my own eerily similar experiences to Starscream, so I'm not 100% sure how much of this actually rings true and what is just me projecting.

I have entirely fallen down the StarOp rabbit hole thanks to you, at a speed I never could have expected. When I first finished TFP and started browsing the tags, I'd see the occasional StarOp post and at best be like "alright, sure" and at worst a little confused on where it was coming from, given the infrequency of interactions between the two after like, early season 1. But since I sent that first ask in it just clicked and like.

Before, I was always of the opinion that Starscream joining the autobots was something that could never really work from a character perspective, not just because of his dependency on Megatron like I talked about last time, but like, even if Megatron was completely out of the picture I never felt like the full on redemption and becoming a functioning member of post-war society that becoming an Autobot would entail would particularly be desirable to Starscream (if even possible for reasons both in and out of his control.)

I sorta felt like any good ending for Starscream would have to entail him moreso escaping the narrative than anything else, given the extent to which he's stuck in this cycle almost on a cosmic level, with how he's unable to escape it in any universe, any continuity, which of course ties into wider thoughts on how this franchise seems uninterested in letting Starscream ever escape that cycle. A sort of El Camino style ending, where leaving behind everything you know and running away to Alaska is considered a good ending, all things considered. That naturally led to me shipping him with Knockout, given their chemistry and the fact that they were this close to running away together, it just felt like the most compelling option, narratively speaking.

But now that I've caught onto the StarOp agenda, I've sorta cracked the code and realized that you can make a compelling and believable path to Starscream becoming an Autobot by having him getting together with Optimus initially be on a subconscious level an outlet to recreate the cycle he was in with Megatron purely because he's used to it and doesn't know how to live without it.

Outside of the obvious ideological and moral differences, Optimus and Megatron have a lot in common, especially from the perspective of Starscream. They're both big, strong, masculine figures, and natural-born leaders that effortlessly compel those around them to fight for their respective causes. They both radiate power in a way that I imagine you can almost feel when around them (and in a way I know it, because that's often how it felt being around my personal Megatron, it's why it was so easy to fall back into his arms over and over.)

All this to say, when Starscream gets with Optimus, he's not escaping the cycle, he's changing his target. If he became an autobot he would instantly become the most dedicated autobot, not out of any ideological reasoning or particular desire to be good, but out of an intense loyalty he effortlessly placed in Optimus. But of course, the loyalty phase is only half of this cycle.

This next part I'm heavily basing on what I've realized about my own experiences, so bear with me for a second, (I also doesn't think it exactly applies to TFP as much as it does some other continuities, G1 maybe but I haven't seen much of G1 so idk for sure) but I feel like sometimes Starscream almost tests Megatron in a way when he feels like Megatron's priorities are drifting away from him, (since remember, he needs to be the most important bot in his life, Starscream is desperate for Megatron to be as obsessed with him as he is with Megatron.) so Starscream will sort of do something stupid, maybe he comes up with some harebrained scheme that's probably not gonna work, or he makes some tactical or administrative decision entirely based on what he's feeling on an emotional level, to see "will Megatron back me on this?"

because Megatron does stuff like that all the time, he's far from being a better tactician than Starscream, (notice how the moment Starscream leaves in season 1, the decepticons stop winning like, at all until he comes back?) and he makes rash decisions out of anger all the time, and Starscream goes along with all of it, every single time, so it's only fair that Megatron lets him get away with doing something kinda stupid this once. and when Megatron inevitably doesn't, either because it would work against the Decepticons own goals, or purely because he doesn't want Starscream to think he has power over him, (and despite how good he is at hiding it, Starscream does have power over him in a lot of ways, I might talk about that some other time.) Starscream lashes out, betrays Megatron, and leaves, because once again all the loyalty he gave to Megatron got him nothing in return.

and let's be clear, Starscream doing this is toxic as fuck, but at the same time of course it is, it's almost impossible not to become toxic in an environment like this. And that really comes back to bite you when you get out of that environment, but on a base level still have these habits and base level impulses that might have helped you survive back then but are terrible for the actually decent people you've surrounded yourself with now.

With that, we cut to today, where Starscream is an autobot and he tries to pull one of these "tests" on Optimus because the honeymoon phase is over and Starscream is instinctually ready for things to start getting worse, maybe they had like, one minor argument and Starscream instantly assumed the worst. and I imagine Optimus "fails" the test, says "no, I'm not backing you on this, I'm not gonna let you do that", but unlike Megatron who does so while prioritizing his own ends and his control over Starscream, Optimus is saying no for moral reasons. And I imagine he tries to explain that to Starscream, but that answer isn't hitting him properly because again, Starscream's only thinking in loyalty.

Everything Optimus thought was progress on Starscream's part in living up to autobot ideals was really just newfound intense loyalty to Optimus, his growth was really just him doing what he thinks Optimus would want him to do and what he thinks would gain him Optimus's loyalty in return. and, from Starscream's perspective, it didn't work, so he's thinking "obviously Optimus doesn't care about me at all, fuck him, I'm out of here." so he makes this big display of betraying the autobots and running away.

and from there, it's the question of if Optimus sees through what this is really about. The other autobots are probably no help in that regard, they all probably fall into one of two groups, the "At no point in time was I not 100% sure that this inevitably was going to happen" group, and the "I mean, I had hope for him, and it seemed like he was doing good, but I'm still not that surprised" group.

But of course, Optimus isn't Megatron, he does care about Starscream and wants him to know that, so I imagine he actually tries tracking down Starscream to have an actual conversation with him to try and figure out where his mind has really been at these past few months, and if he catches on to even a little bit of the subtext of what I've been saying here, he's gonna be like "oh shit, there is a lot more we need to work on than I thought."

and yeah, Megatron fucked up Starscream in ways that its gonna take years to properly unpack, so Starscream is lucky to have found quite possibly the best person to help him through it in Optimus. It's gonna be a rocky road, but Optimus is in for the ride.

and I do think this relationship could eventually become healthy, and I like reading fics where they've managed to make it healthy, but I do think at first it really wouldn't be, and as someone with the autism that makes you obsessed with themes and motifs and subtext, the process of seeing it become better, of seeing Starscream have to unlearn these old harmful defense mechanisms, THAT is really what makes my brain vibrate, especially because I've had to go through that same process myself after finally getting away from my personal Megatron for what I'm thankfully certain now is the final time.

also kinda realizing a lot of this kinda sounds like borderline personality disorder, which. that might be something I have to look into in regards to myself, damn. anyways, yeah, thanks for letting me kill the vibe again, appreciate it! I'll probably try and keep these shorter in the future, I imagine it's kind of a lot to suddenly have 1500 words of deep character analysis with hints of traumadumping suddenly thrown in your askbox lol. If this actually was a bit too much then I'm sorry, you can tell me to dial it down a little if you want.

and this, right here, is why starop is my favorite transformers ship.

you really hit the nail on the head with this one. when done well, it's not only cute and fun to explore, but it's also a deep dive into starscream as a character and what could possibly lead to a redemption arc. sure, you don't need starscream to fall in love with optimus to redeem him, but how that would actually play out is so fascinating.

sure, i love aus where starscream is an autobot spy the whole time. yes, i love aus where they were in love in the past and got separated. but the idea of starscream replacing megatron with optimus in his mind fits him so well, because, as an abuse victim myself, it's easy to find yourself drawn to people who remind you of your abuser.

and that's where optimus' kindness sets him apart, because when starscream pushes back on him, optimus doesn't do what starscream expects. he doesn't lash out or hit him or verbally berate him. he responds with honest concern, trying to figure out what's wrong.

and that kindness, that sincerity, is something starscream doesn't even realize he's been missing the entire time.

i do believe they have the potential to be healthy, but the fight towards them actually becoming healthy and helping starscream get out of his toxic mindset is part of what makes these two so damn compelling.

always happy to have another starop fan.

(also you don't have to worry about toning it down lmao, gods know i ramble like a maniac about my favorite things. i'm not gonna be the one to judge)

[tshxkitty]

turmeric latte - dealer!jimmy x reader

tw: drug usage, a little bit smut, and all that stuff

lowercase intended!

2,1k words <3

at the beginning i wanted it to be more angsty, but i love pathetic jimmy way too much so i changed it so its more fluffy lol

i hope it’s not to shitty

if there are any spelling mistakes or anything then i’m sorry english isn’t my first language!

Jimmy remembered when you bought something from him for the first time. just weed, nothing too harmful for you. you were cute, extremely nice to him. you were that type of girl that he could met in library, fell in love, forget about his harsh life and find a normal job. he remember how nervous you looked when you gave him the money “first time, huh?” he teased as he saw your trembling hands “don’t worry, i remember how scared i was when i was buying weed for the first time. damn, look at me now.” the way you chuckled at his words, the way you thanked him so politely, it made him smile even more.

you were just starting college back then, something psychology related, if he remembered correctly. you needed to blow off some steam with your friends, nothing new to you. college was hard, especially during the exam session. it made him think about his university days, which he only attended for like…six months? he quickly realized that law wasn’t for him, and found a job that gave him the same money he could get after the uni. the funniest part was that Curly finished it off and became a good lawyer…and always made sure that Jimmy wouldn’t get in any trouble.

he remember seeing you working your ass off in that small coffee shop near your college. he loved a good coffee. he knew that you didn’t even needed to work, daddy had lots of money to give you, but you always tried to prove everyone wrong.

The second time you came over to him you bought weed, again, so much more than the first time “party?” he asked as you gave him the money “yeah, i need to look cool for all the older students, right?” “…right.” you also brought him a nice cup of coffee. god, you were so sweet.

After that he didn’t seen you for about five… no, no, six months. he kinda missed your sweet voice and that pretty smile. so one day he just walked over to the café you worked in. Jimmy sat down on the bar stool, looked at you and tried to act surprised when he saw you working there. he couldn’t let you know that in some weird way, he actually missed you…and also you didn’t need to know that sometimes he took the longer drive home just to glance at you through the window of the café. you chatted for a bit, since the place was empty and you didn’t have much work to do. you told him that you stopped smoking, you were scared that you could get addicted way too fast, and that if your parents knew about that you would probably get in trouble. he understood that, at least for a few hours. you told him that you don’t really understand when others says that he is a shitty person, that he is a total dick. he wasn’t. well, not to you, at least. he kept on glancing at low neckline of your blouse, hoping that you wouldn’t notice that. you noticed that, obviously, he knew about that well enough, but he wasn’t planning on stopping. he could look at you for the whole day and he wouldn’t get bored for even a second. you told him that he looked a bit pale, so you made him the best drink he ever had - just some warm milk and honey. he realized that it smelled just like you. he was sure that you probably tasted like that as well. it made him melt, but he wouldn’t never let you know that. he cringed a bit at the thought but he wondered to what ingredients would you compare him. probably ginger, turmeric or some other spice like that.

“…you wanna come over for a dinner when you finish your shift?” “yeah, sure, why not” so you went to his place, ate a nice dinner that he prepared just for you and sat down with him on the couch smoking a joint. looking at it right now, he knew how badly he fucked up by offering you weed again.

somehow, you found yourself on his lap, bouncing on his dick. he held onto your waist lightly, it felt like he was scared to hurt you. why? he tried to tell himself that he was scared to lose a his favorite customer. yeah, sure, Jimmy, sure. he never was that soft towards anyone before. “jesus, you feel so fucking…good” he said as he kept on kissing your face “oh, stop it” the way you chuckled so softly at him, the way you bounced on him, god, it took him so much courage to not burst into you in the first seconds.

And then you disappeared again. he understood that, you had your school. you needed to focus on that, not on some weird drug dealer. yeah, bullshit. he was actually surprised to find out that you stopped working at the cafe, he thought that you loved that work, loved to find out new recipes. he liked to think about you telling him on the new drinks that you made. something with milk and honey was a must, maybe a bit of some spices. turmeric latte sounded really nice in his head, he wanted you to make it for him someday. and then you called him, wanting to meet him in that one parking lot that was always empty. classic spot. he showed up, of course. when you stepped inside and sat down at the passenger seat he couldn’t help but notice how tired and disheveled you looked. “you good?” “yeah, it’s just the time of the month, ya know?” he knew well enough that you lied. he knew that you found another dealer, that one guy that had literally everything, shit that could kill you way to easily. Jimmy would never touch that shit, no, no, he wouldn’t even keep it in his pocket for anyone else. and somehow that dude gave you everything for free. why? you probably paid him in a different way, yeah. but when they locked him up, you suddenly called Jimmy back. wow, how nice of you. why the hell were you like that? you were so perfect in his head. “…yeah, i get it” he gave you everything you wanted, he didn’t even remembered what that was. he didn’t want to remember. he didn’t take the money from you after thinking for a while about it “‘is okay, different payment this time, alright?” he knew that it was stupid. why the fuck did he actually do that? was he really that desperate for you? he never did that to anyone before. you were fucked up and he decided to simply use that. he was actually mad at himself for doing that. also, he covered for you, paying with his own money for your drugs. if his boss knew about that, he would probably fuck him over. but he needed you badly. he was so much better than that second guy, right? you probably never even slept with him, no, you wouldn’t do that.

he took out the small ziplock bag from his jacket, took some coke on his finger and rubbed on his gums. he leaned closer to you and did the same thing to you. with his finger still in your mouth he looked at the backseat and then back at you “come on”

he pressed your face deeper into the backseat, his hips rocking roughly against your ass. his second hand holding you by your waist, definitely leaving a mark from his tight grip. this time he didn’t really care about being gentle - it was probably from the coke, after all, it made him gain all the energy and strength that he needed in the moment. the sound of his hips slapping against yours, the moans and whimpers coming from your mouth and occasional groans leaving his lips filled the car - it all made him go even harder and deeper. “you know, i can’t help but wonder, are you always coming back because of me, or because of the drugs?” he let out a dry chuckle, his words flowing through his lips “doesn’t really matter, huh? you get high and then get dicked down. did that second guy did the same to you? yeah, he probably fucking did. god, and I was stupid enough to think you were a good girl. turns out you’re the same like all of those other sluts. you mean nothing.” he said all those things not even thinking about it. he climaxed, spilling himself deep into you, not even thinking about the consequences that he could occur from that. suddenly he found back all his consciousness and caressed your back “fuck, no- I didn’t mean to say that- i’m sorry.” but the look on your face was speaking louder than words. you looked sad, betrayed, even. he looked at you as you quickly pulled away from him dressed yourself back “you seriously think that low of me? i-i thought you were better than that, James.” you said, leaving him alone in his car. after few minutes he started putting his jeans back on, realizing how badly he fucked up with you. again. he wanted to blame you for the way he acted towards you, but the smell of your perfume in his car made him realize how stupid all of it was. that damn milk and honey. “fuck, i’m such an idiot.”

The last time you wanted to buy something from him was totally different. you came over to his place, looking like a mess. he knew already that you got expelled from your college, daddy cut off his money, so you were all alone, walking on a thin ice.

when you asked him to give you something, anything, he knew you were lost. and honestly, he was kinda mad at you for acting like that. “i’m not giving you shit, you’re fucked up already” he said as he sit down on the couch. you knelt down in front of him, trying to change his mind. he looked down at you, he didn’t want to protest, he really didn’t. he wanted to feel you again. and then he noticed your eyes. bloodshot, staring at him almost blankly, god, he couldn’t do that to you. “stop” he looked down at you as you tried to unbuckle his belt “stop, for god’s sake, you’re a mess” he grabbed your wrists and pulled you to the couch “i’m not giving you shit, that’s fucking pathetic, you know that? you have no self respect or what? you’re acting like a—” he sighed and run his hand over his face, trying to calm his emotions down. he looked down at you and that’s when he finally realized something. you were his addiction. the only one that he could take all the time. you changed him, for the better, at least he thought that way. well, you made him a bit more emotional than he ever was. “…i’m sorry, y-you should sleep, you look exhausted” he said and laid your head down on his lap, covering your body with a blanket. you stayed quiet, just listening to his words “…i’m sorry, i’m really fucking sorry.” he put his face in his hands. why the fuck he treated you like that? he knew well enough that you didn’t deserve that. you were a good girl, just like he always thought, you just got lost, and it was all his fault. he caressed your messy hair gently “i’ll fix it, i promise…Curly will help. yeah, yeah, he will.” he kept looking at you, he was scared that something might happen to you if he just looked in a different direction. you looked so peaceful while you slept. how could he let all of that happen to you? he was lost in thought for almost the whole time, even when he fell asleep with his hand in your hair.

When he woke up he was kinda terrified to notice that you weren’t there. he didn’t want to lose you again. he wanted you there with him, he wanted to help you fix your life. he walked across his apartment, and sighed with relief as he saw you in the kitchen. you looked better, more relaxed, sleep definitely helped. your hair was still wet, and you looked absolutely beautiful in his clothes. and your sweet smile was back.

“…i made you some turmeric latte, i thought you might like it.”

[frostbiteisthenewjackieshauna]

A fractured line

summary: after your boyfriend breaks up with you, you find solace in your sworn enemy (and realize that obsessing over a girl for years isn't very straight of you)

a/n: listennn, I promise this is a Nat fic and I tried to keep the Travis part as short as possible, but there's tension between them from the beginning. it's also the first full length fic I've written in almost two years so be gentle guys!! constructive criticism is always appreciated! also if it does any good I already have an idea for pt 2 that involves sesbian lex and angst so let me know if you'd be interested in that!

warnings: break ups, shrooms, comphet reader, injuries, angst, no smut in this one, obviously swearing, bickering, reader has a redemption arc- mean girl!r in the beginning, mention of a fight- I think that's about it!

word count: 8.7k

You laid in Travis’ lap by the lake, feeling his slender fingers rake through your hair as you watched the illuminating sunset before you. Maybe, just maybe, if you were on a field trip with your friends from back home, sneaking in booze and huddling up to him on the drive home, you’d think this place was beautiful

“It’s getting colder” He said in a raspy voice above you

“Yeah, guess it is” You said, not taking your eyes off of the beautiful sky “No game huh?”

“Nope.” He said, feeling almost butthurt

“We’re so fucked” You said with a snort. You never had an issue with being mean blunt, even though it always sometimes sounded bitchy and outright rude. You were almost lost in your thoughts, but then felt him lean down awkwardly to press a kiss to your lips.

Truth be told, the only reason a girl like you started dating a guy like Travis was to get closer to his dad (and maybe become team captain). He didn’t question it much— dating someone as pretty and as popular as you was the usual Wiskayok boy’s wet dream. It worked well enough, coach did seem to favor you and you being the bitch you are, didn’t feel bad for Travis at all, but it had come right back to bite you in the ass— realizing you were falling for him was like a cruel punch to the gut. It was all you could think about, you never caught feelings for anyone before, not really, all you ever did was try to get something out of someone, but what does any of it matter out here? What do you matter, what is even the point of—

“You okay? You look like your head might explode” He said, you finally looked up at him

“Nothing, nothing I’m fine” You bluffed, looking back at the sky

“You can uh— you can talk to me y’know?” He said, something like that sounded a little wrong coming from him

“Mhm” You hummed, looking back at the sight before you

You heard a bit of ruffling signaling that someone was approaching you and you raised your head from Travis’ lap, sitting up next to him

“Ugh, it’s you” You groaned. Natalie Scatorccio. You didn’t like most of your teammates anyway, but she was something else completely. There was something about her that drove you crazy and you had no idea what it was.

“Nice to see you too Y/N” Natalie said with a scoff “Came to get you. We need your help with chores” She said after which you let out a dramatic groan, laying back down

“Sweep the fucking porch yourself” You called out, putting on Travis’ discarded flannel as it was getting chilly

“Oh you’re not sweeping the porch, princess” She said teasingly “You’re helping Shauna carve up the deer”

“I’m absolutely not doing that” You said, not bothering to get up, all while Travis watched the interaction with immense amusement

“What? It’s not organic or somethin’?” Natalie questioned, walking over to you, you stood up, tugging Travis who was now standing right behind you

“Yeah! I actually care what goes in my body!” You said with a snort, seeing her eyes darken just a little

“You’re such a bitch. Seriously, fuck you.” She said, trying to appear intimidating, though it wasn’t going too well. After a beat she walked off and you huffed out a laugh

“She’s not that bad, y’know?” Travis said and you turned around to face him. You hated your soft spot for him

“You wanna take her side now?” You said, deflecting. So typical.

“I didn’t say that, I’m just saying, you’re even meaner to her then the others. Plus, didn’t you say you wanted to try to be nicer and all that?” He said, at which you just chuckled, looking up at him

“This lighting is agreeing with you”

“Why thank you”

____________________________________________

Next morning, everyone gathered in front of the cabin, watching Taissa as she announced her plan to go searching for help. It was ridiculous, really. You all knew there effort would be fruitless, and that it was a huge risk.

“Like I said, we’re not on an island. If we go south we’ve gotta run into something eventually, a road, a town, anything!” She said, trying to reason with the girls. Safe to say, Van was very opposed

“Okay but you can’t just take our stuff” You said, leaning forward as Travis’ hand traced patterns on your lower back

“Yeah, I’m all for what you’re trying to do Tai, but the gun has to stay” Natalie said, you almost scowled at the thought of having the same idea as her.

“Then I’ll take some things that we don’t use every day. The compass, one of the axes—“ Taissa started again

“There’s a flair gun at the dead guy’s plane” Jackie chimed in

“Don’t tell me that you of all people are on board with this.” Van said in disbelief

The conversation flew by from then on, you completely zoned out.

Soon enough, you made your way to Travis’ room, seeing him packing a bag. What the hell does he think he’s doing?

“What are you doing?” You asked him as your eyebrows knitted together

“Oh uh— not to sound like a sexist asshole, but I think they could use a guy out there” He said as you sat on the bed

“You’re leaving?” You asked, sounding upset, the tone surprising both of you “I’m pretty sure they’ll be fine on their own”

You took the parfume he was going to pack, fiddling with the cap

“Yeah but still, the more people there are—“ He started, seeing the look in your eyes. You glared at him like he was saying the most ridiculus thing known to man

“I— Travis, don’t. Please, okay? Let them go through with their dumbass ideas, you don’t have to be part of it. Stay with me.” You said with an involuntary pleading gaze. It didn’t take him much convincing to stay- your puppy eyes and soft voice were things he rarely witnessed, and he took note of how genuine you really sounded.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He said softly, you got up on your feet, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips against his. His hands landed on your hips as he kissed you back just as eagerly. You smiled into it, breaking the kiss while his hands stayed where they were. You were still just a few inches away from him, giving him a small smile. These were the kind of moments you relished in. You brought the forementioned perfume to your nose, sniffing it and and grimacing

“God, this is gross” You said putting the cap back on and tossing the bottle onto the bed

“Yeah, my mom gave it to me before we left, thought it’d be a good disinfectant or something” He said, smiling involuntarily as the pads of his thumb rubbed your clothed hips

“I think you’d actually make it worse if you put this on someone”

You two heard commotion outside, signaling the girls were saying their goodbyes

“Got anyone to bid farewell?” He asked jokingly

“No.” You answered simly with a smirk, kissing him again as you both fell back on the bed

He started peppering kisses all over your face and neck while you laughed, holding onto his shoulders

“Travis!! There’s a number of girls in this fucking cabin, I would not hear the end of it” You said, still chuckling. The boy above you let out a dramatic groan into your neck but hovered back up to kiss you once more

“I’ll go see what’s going on” You said, getting up. You did turn around once more before you left, seeing him grin like an idiot. When you left, you seemed to walk into an intense conversation shared by none other then Jackie and Shauna. Come to think of it, Shauna had been weird since the whole ‘shark week’ thing. Seemed almost tense, though it was very subtle.

“Y/N, hey. Uh— a bunch of us are gonna go to the lake, you wanna come?” She asked, earning a sharp look from Jackie, simply for inviting you

“Yeah. Yeah, sure” Shauna was one of the girls you got along with fine, though the same couldn’t be said about her best friend. Jackie was someone you truly resented, it’s like everything you longed for, she got, everything. Of course you could never say that out loud. It’d make you seem awfully insecure- which you definitely were, but no one needed to know that. Shauna seemed to have picked up on the slight tension in the air, which became more unbearable as each moment passed

“Let’s just go, okay?” The brunette said, hurrying off to get dressed

As you got dressed and went down to the lake, you started a casual conversation with Lottie— people had noticed you became nicer out here. Maybe it was the impending doom, or maybe just the fact that you’d go nuts if you didn’t talk to anyone. They weren’t sure, didn’t care what it was and definitely didn’t voice it. Most of the girls were simply glad they got to see the unguarded version of a person that most of them knew since kindergarten. But God bless Lottie, she was eagerly talking about something, but you were too focused on someone else to even notice.

“Nat looks nice without all the makeup, right?” No no, there was no way you just said that out loud, or looked at her enough to notice, was there?

“I- yeah, guess so” Lottie, being nice as she is said

You mumbled a ‘yeah’ as Lottie carried on with whatever she was saying, not being able to help your eyes which wandered back to Natalie. Whenever she was around you she had her guard up, and this was the first time you’ve seen her laughing and having fun with friends. She always fascinated you in a way. Her careless attitude and aloof demeanor were something not many people had the courage to show. You wondered how, maybe even envied her for it a little. But not the way you envied Jackie. It is a hard feeling to explain.

“Wanna go into the water?” Lottie asked, snapping you away from your thoughts

“Huh? Oh- oh, sure” You said, getting up

She soon disappeared to go talk to Laura Lee, Lottie that is, while you teetered on the edge, the lake being cold and all.

“C’mon, don’t be a wuss!” Natalie yelled while you graced her with an eye roll as a reply

You made one more step and sighed— which soon turned into gasp at the feeling of being splashed with the frigid water by none other then-

“Natalie what the fuck?!”

“Dude it’s for just shits and giggles!” She yelled out with an eye roll of her own “Just get in here!” She spoke again. She was being actually kinda nice, which made you think for a moment, but then you remembered what you’ve been trying to acomplish— be at least civil to people. Nat was definitely a good place to start, so you held back a snarky remark or an uncalled for insult and just jumped in. It wasn’t a welcome sensation, to say the least.

“Get on top of Nat, we’re playing chicken!” Shauna said, hung on Jackie’s shoulders. You did reluctently climb onto Natalie while Lottie and Laura Lee cheered. You pushed Shauna with all your might, laughing and raising your arms up once you defeated them. You could feel and hear Nat laughing under you as she tapped your thigh. The slight touch sent a shiver down your spine, but that’s obviously because her hands were cold.

“Good job!” She said, seeing Jackie and Shauna swim out

“Yeah yeah” You muttered, but before you could finish, she threw you off her and into the water. You let out yet another surprised gasp as your back scraped against the rocks underneath the water, though you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You were finally letting yourself be free for a little, and fuck did it feel good. The both of you laughed, holding each other underwater since she did fall on top of you.

“Wait wait wait—“ You started, fixing her eyebrows that were all mussed up, all while her eyes raked over your face, which you didn’t seem to notice.

“Uh- thanks.”

___________________________________________

The day went on, and after a couple of hours well spent lazing around and playing games, you lot did agree it was best to head back and start on “dinner”. You put one of Travis’ many flannels over your bikini (that was originally meant for the hotel pool) and grabbed your bag, walking back after.

“Hey! Wait up!” Natalie called out, rushing a little to catch up to you

“You talkin’ to me?” You questioned, turning around and slowing down a little

“Yeah, obviously…anyway you uh— you wanna go berry hunting before sundown? Could be fun” Nat asked with a tinge of hope and a small smile

“Yeah, no. Not my idea of fun.” You responded, turning back and walking now that she caught up and was by your side

“Well what about a card game or something before dinner? I just figure coach would—“

“What do you want, Natalie?” You asked, a bit annoyed, stopping in your tracks

“I was just—“ She started, but you cut her off

“We’re not friends…I mean— you know that, right? Jesus.” You stated bluntly

The blonde snorted before responding: “Yeah, we sure aren’t.” Nat said bitterly, walking off, or better yet, stomping

As soon as you all got back, you went to the room Travis slept in, seeing him reading a book. He looked kind of nice like this- without a care in the world, even though there was a lot to care for

“Hey, d’you have fun?” He asked, looking up and smiling softly. He probably didn’t even realize it.

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.” You said, dropping the bag on the floor and plopping down on the bed immidately

“No no no- don’t get the bed wet!” The boy exclaimed, which was valid, yet you did groan at having to get up again so you just dramatically rolled down, hitting the floor with a thud

“You are so extra.” Travis told you, chuckling, “And you need to stop stealing my clothes, I will run out of things to wear”

“You? I only packed clothes for a week! I’m actually going insane!! And I miss conditioner…and blowouts, and face masks. And cheeseburgers, I should’ve never held back” You stated groaning, the boy above you just chuckled at your little rant. He looked at you like you hung up the stars, which was cute in a way. However, you were so used to that look by now, you could barely register whether it was genuine. Still, you always felt like he didn't listen. Like- ever. Calling you random and extra were almost the only things in his vocabulary whenever you said more then two sentences.

“Travis! Y/N! Dinner is served!” Someone yelled— most likely Shauna, signaling you to finally make your way over and eat something.

____________________________________________

“There’re no queens in that deck, y’know?” Natalie said to Travis, walking into the cabin, though he didn’t respond

“Wanna try to hunt? I’m goin’.” She said— they were the designated hunters, but it was a bit of an unvocalized rule that one could take a day off if needed

“You go. You’re better at it anyway” He said, still fiddling with the deck

Nat snorted, packing her back before responding: “Your girlfriend is an asshole, y’know that?” The blonde asked rethorically, to which Travis just chuckled

“Am I interrupting something?” You asked, leaning against the doorframe and crossing your arms over your chest

“You’re good.” Travis called out

“And what are you doing this fine morning?” You asked Nat teasingly

“Hunting.” She stated bluntly, walking past you, which earned her a signature eye roll and scoff

“Well she’s got a twist in her panties…you know, I looked through that, there’s no queens” You said to Travis as your gaze softened, sitting next to him

“Oh I’ve heard” The boy responded, looking back at you before leaning in to give you a kiss “You slept through the entire morning, you feelin’ okay?”

“Oh no, yeah, I was just tired after all day yesterday…Any food left?” You questioned with a hint of hope

“Uhh, yeah. Jackie wanted to eat it but Natalie wouldn’t let her for shit.”

“…Oh” Well that did take you by surprise, I mean you tehnically weren’t rude to her but not exactly nice either

“Yeah, I’m gonna go to the lake, check out the fish traps” Travis said,

“Mmkay” You mumbled, giving him a peck on the cheek before he got up.

Now you were left all alone, a tad bit bored— you even considered doing chores, but after eating your hard earned food, definitely.

It felt like a fucking eternity, truly. You figured sweeping the floors couldn’t be all that bad, yet you were huffing and puffing as if you worked on a field all day. Although you could’ve been just biased— as a soccer player you were athletic anyway.

“Oh hey, you’re back!” You said excitedly, noticing your boyfriend had returned, letting the makeshift broom lean against the wall, “Wanna go for a walk? It’s pretty warm— is everything okay?“ You asked, noticing the look on his face that was much colder than the one he usually put on around you.

“Do you have just— like, no shame?” He questioned, leaving you wondering what the hell this was about

“Excuse me?” You asked with a small scoff, going up to the doorway

“Be fucking team captian? That is what you wanted?” He asked in disbelief, towering over you.

At this point, your throat felt dry and you weren’t sure what to do. Fess up? Bluff? Just say you don’t care and leave? But that’s the main issue of it all. You did care, for some reason. And you were afraid of losing him this way, especially out here.

“Look, I’m not gonna lie-“

“No?”

“No. Listen, maybe in the very beginning, yeah, I tried to get closer to your dad or whatever but the more time went on the more I started caring about you and-“ Your voice trembled. It was a weak response, a dumb excuse but it was the only one you could give

“Y/N I thought you wanted to- be together!” He stated, looking you right in the eye. It was always this way with him- beating around the bush before it becomes too much and one of you completely explodes. This time, it felt different, felt more serious.

You were on the spot, unsure of what to do or how to salvage the only relationship that actually meant something to you.

“I don’t know how to fix this. I’m not even sure you want me to.” A beat. “I just— I made a mistake”

“Yeah, well apparently so did I.” He said, throwing his arms up in disdain

“What the hell is that suppoused to mean?”

Your question was left unanswered as the boy simply walked away. You could hear the sound of his footsteps fading, your heart sinking a little more with each one. You hated it, all of it. The fact that this whole thing happened, this gnawing feeling, your eyes which were now watery, the shame and guilt or letting him find out in the first place. How the fuck did he find out?

“Y/N?” You heard a soft voice call out

You didn’t have to turn around as the mystery girl moved to stand next to you, placing a gentle hand on your back

“Nat? What is it?” The whole thing happened in maybe five seconds, but to you it felt like hours

“I heard the— are you okay?” She asked in the softest voice you’d ever heard from her. It took you by great surprise.

You looked at her even though your vision was mostly blurry, she stood close to you, trying to gauge how you’re feeling. There was absolutley no point in lying anymore so you just shook your head, which softened her gaze further.

“No no, it’s gonna be okay, let’s go for a walk, yeah?” She said and, you didn’t even fully register what she said. You also didn’t see her shooting Jackie a sharp glare- in fact, you didn’t notice Jackie at all.

Once you disappeared into the woods, the two of you settled down next to a small stream. It was quiet, and far away from everyone’s prying eyes. The blonde next to you pulled a flask out of her jacket pocket, handing it to you. You silently accepted, taking a generous gulp of…something. It was absolutley disgusting and made you grimace

“God, what is this?” You asked, passing it back to her, she chuckled before answering

“Vodka.” She said, taking a sip for herself

“Right…so how much did you hear?” You questioned, turning your head to look at her

“Not much. Just that last part.” She said, handing you the flask again “So what’d you do?”

You raised your eyebrows and sighed, taking one more swig before answering

“I uh- had a bad reason to get with him in the first place.” You said, practically scolding yourself

“Yeah, I figured it was something like that. But c’mon- it’s so obvious how much you care about him now” The blonde said, moving a little closer to you

“Not to him apparently.” Your voice trembled as your eyes watered again. God, this is not happening, you thought to yourself, not sure whether to be upset or embarrassed.

Here you were, sitting in bumfuck nowhere, feeling like the dirt on someone’s shoe and smuging your ridiculously expensive mascara over Travis Martinez. But there was Natalie too. She let you lean your head on her shoulder while rubbing soothing circles on your back. She made it all a little better. A little bareable.

“Do you think they’re okay?” You questioned after a series of sniffles and soft sobs, doing anything to get your mind off of this

“Hm?”

“Taissa…and the others.”

“Oh. I honestly don’t know.” She said, she knew she didn’t need to sugarcoat it around you. You shuffled just a little closer to her

“Thank you, for this, really.” She tilted her head down to look at you, and realized you were in fact, being genuine.

“Anytime.”

“I feel like- you’re the only person who’s not going insane out here. I mean Jackie and Shauna are being weird and Lottie’s fucking losing it—“ You started, realizing you were ranting

“Yeah, see how nice I really am? I’m sharing my very limited booze with you.” She said teasingly, to which you rolled your eyes, though this time it was playful

“Yeahhh! It’s radiating off of you.” You muttered, casually laying your head in her lap.

At this point, you were embarassed, upset, a little tipsy and definitely got a wave of post breakup clarity, so you weren’t exactly thinking about your course of action, though you did feel her stiffen up a bit. After a beat she eased into it, letting her hand travel lower to rub your back. It’s funny- this was a similar scene from a couple of days ago, though if anyone told you who it’d be with, you’d laugh right in their face. This time you couldn’t gaze at the sky, though you did gaze at its reflection in the small stream of water in front of you.

“How do you do it?” You asked in a low, raspy tone, not letting your eyes move away from the sight in front of you

“Do what?” Natalie responded, her movements stilling for a moment

“Not care. About anything. Or y’know, other people?”

The girl above you huffed in amusement, her gaze softening once you turned to lay on your back, looking up at her

“We all care, Y/N. Some of us are just good at hiding it. You are good at hiding it.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

You glanced into her eyes- a beautiful blue which almost matched the sky above you. At this moment it was all erased- the petty fights, disagreements, arguments, icing each other out during practice, almost beating the other up in the locker room after (it only happened once); all gone. There was just a girl above you, she looked like a different person and truly felt like it too. Maybe you were the one that changed. Maybe she was always this way, but you’d never given her a chance. However you swore that if you looked at her from a different angle, you wouldn’t recognize her.

“So are we okay now?” She asked, moving some hair away from your face. Her voice had an uncertainty to it, it wasn’t the first time you went hot and cold on her out here

“Yeah, we’re okay. Friends even?”

“That sounds good.”

“Let’s go back, yeah? It’s gonna get dark soon.”

Nothing could’ve prepared you for what you saw when you got back. You sure did get a few curious and skeptical glances simply for being together, but nobody said anything; They were preoccupied with Misty, Akhila, and Mari who were explaining just what happened to Van. It was gruesome, and it left you wondering how the hell she was still alive. Natalie and you rushed over, gathering any nesseceties to start tearing off into the woods and looking for them, even though you dreaded the impending search.

It was getting significantly darker and the group was losing any hope of finding Taissa and Van anytime soon, or at all. Maybe no one wanted to admit it, but everyone was out of their minds with panic and worry.

“Are you sure this is the way you went?!” Shauna asked Misty

“I- I don’t know, it’s dark, I can’t see anything!” The girl responded, she was cut off by flames that shone distinctly behind the trees.

“It’s them!”

The entire group ran towards their missing friends, catching the two girls collapsed on the ground. It was even worse than you thought- Van was unrecognizable and Tai looked plain exhausted and spent.

You never did well with blood and gore— or anything similar to it, Nat seemed to have caught on it, squeezing your hand reassuringly. Only then you realized she was actually holding it.

She never for a second let go of you, until you made it back to the cabin. You lot arranged a makeshift surgery table for Akhila to stitch Van up. It was a truly nauseating sight, a few girls, including Natalie were holding her down while Lottie, Jackie and you stood back, watching in horror and disbelief. Just as she was halfway through with it, you couldn’t handle it anymore.

You quickly ran outside attempting to get fresh air and take deep breaths, though it was in vain as you were hunched over and holding onto the pillar with one hand, emptying out the contents of your stomach moments after. It’s not like there was much anyway.

As you were finishing up, you heard someone storm out and make their way to you. Until you could make out who it was, they already walked up to you.

“Are you alright?” Travis questioned, placing a hand on your back

You thought for a moment, narrowing your eyes. Like what the fuck were you suppoused to say? How did he even have the balls for this? Anyhow, you didn’t have a chance to respond as today’s knight in shining armor ran out as well.

“Let’s go to sleep, yeah? You need it, after today.” Natalie stated, already pulling you along with her, you just nodded, eternally grateful for her spectacular timing

The blonde entered the cabin with you, dragging your sleeping bag over next to hers. As soon as she did you laid down, and she followed by with you. The couple of you stayed like that for a moment before she spoke up.

“I’m glad we kinda cleared the air up. I mean if you think about it, we’re kinda two sides of the same coin, right?” She whispered with a breathy chuckle

“Yeah, me too. You know, I never really apologized for—“ You started, trying to find the words

“Being an asshole? A complete douchebag?”

“Yeah, that.” You said simply, a small involuntary smile graced your face

“It’s okay. I’ve seen you out here y’know? Like— how you’ve tried to be more calm and shit…Not that I’ve been watching you or anything just—“ Nat’s little praise rant was cut off by an annoyed Mari

“Jeeeeesus, you’ve been fighting for years and wanna have your little heartfelt conversation now? Just let us sleep.”

To that, Nat and you let out another couple of those breathy chuckles before she whispered once more

“Night, Y/N/N”

“Night.” You whispered back, turning your back to her. You could feel her soft breathing even out against your neck as you drifted off, feeling a sense of safety. Something you hadn’t felt in a long time, even before you crashed.

It felt like less then minutes of sleep as you got rudely awaken by none other then Laura Lee, banging…something. You couldn’t make it out, not this sleepy. You groaned, raising your head in sync with Natalie, whose arm was clung lazily across your midsection. The two of you were so close that once you sat up, you could feel her slightly ragged breathing on your cheekbone.

“You’re gonna fly?” The sentance by Lottie took you out. Until just now, you were too drowsy (or maybe just distracted by Nat and your’s proximity) to pay attention to what the blonde in front of you was saying— she wants to fly the abandoned plane?

“But you don’t know how.” Nat said, sitting up straighter

“I’ve read the flight manuel, and I checked the gas tank, it’s full!”

“You cannot be serious.” You stated in disbelief

“Look, I used to watch my grandpa fly, he even let me stir a few times, I know that I can do this! And you can’t deny that Van need serious medical attention.” Laura Lee said. You felt gnawing deja vu, remembering everything that happened just the other day when someone was convinced they could find a way to get the fuck out of here.

“She’s not the only one.” Jackie said. A beat. “Shauna, tell them.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion, shooting a look to Natalie, which she returned. After a few seconds of slience, Shauna spoke.

“I’m pregnant.” The statement took everyone by surprise, it was followed up by a few gasps and a very curious Misty Quigley. There were also a few questions, though the only one that truly reached you was-

“Did it happen out here?!” By Mari. The thought and implication of the question itself made your stomach drop a little, though you were very relieved when Shauna replied with a firm no.

“It doesn’t matter when it happened, okay? It just matters that we get them both help.” Jackie said, looking around the room to get her point across

“Wait— if it didn’t happen here, who is the baby daddy?” You chimed in, only half joking, to which Nat chuckled beside you

“It doesn’t matter.” Jackie shot back

“Okay- no, Laura Lee, I’m not letting you do this. It’s not even close to safe.” Coach said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, at least to you

“There’s no safe anymore Coach Scott. Winter is coming, If I don’t do this then- we’re all gonna fucking starve.” The girl shot back at him. Her swearing did take you by surprise. And it’s not like Ben could do anything to stop her anyway. You couldn’t help but feel a flicker of hope at the whole ordeal.

Not more than fifteen minutes later, all of you gathered to help clean up the plane, and take it out of the shackles that the woods themselves created. At this moment, you found yourself talking to Nat yet again.

“Okay okay, what is the first thing you’re gonna do when we get back?” You questioned, tearing the vines around the left wing

“First thing? Oh I was gonna say take a shower but realistically it’ll be lighting up a blunt” She responded with a chuckle “What about you, princess?”

You truly tried to ignore the little overlap your heart made at the nickname she always teased you with, you did.

“Uhh…well mine will be taking a looooong bath. And doing an everything shower after” You answered

“The fuck is an ‘everything shower’?”

“It’s literally everything you can think of doing to butter yourself up. Like- hair wash, exfoliating, shaving and then after a blowout, maybe a face mask or something” You explained, feeling almost too upset by not being able to do any of those things. But you had bigger things to worry about. Like y’know- staying alive and stuff

“Your dreams are much more expensive then mine.” She replied to which you chuckled.

And you didn’t notice. You didn’t notice her eyes lingering on your features because your own lingered on something else. Someone else.

Rather yet, your longing gaze lingered on Travis, who was apparently having a very entertaining conversation with none other than Jackie fucking Taylor. She had to take that from you too?

See that’s the thing about addiction- you never really notice or think about anything else. You didn’t even notice when the girls first called out that Laura Lee was ready to go, you just kind of walked along.

Everyone was hugging her and saying their goodbyes. She embraced every single person without a second thought except you. You saw the glimmer of hesitation in her eyes when she approached you. Could you have been that fucking bad?

You went in and wrapped your arms around her anyway. It wasn’t the time to be petty.

Coach made one last attempt to try and talk the girl out of her risky plan, but she didn't budge. The blonde took off, she was really fucking doing it. She was flying.

Every single one of you were ecstatic, cheering and running towards the edge of the lake. This had given you all more hope then anything else in the past couple of months. You could be back home so soon. A thought that crossed your mind was having a spa day with Nat, you're sure she'd never been pampered that way before. You thought about exploring this new friendship out in the real world, which sent a thrill through you. You reached for her hand since she was right beside you, and she happily held it. Everything in this moment was perfect.

"Is that smoke?" Jackie asked, your brows knitted together as you tried to look for the source of her concern.

You didn't have to look for long. Mere seconds after, the plane exploded with a big flash. The shriek you let out was practically inaudiable compared to the loud 'bang' the explosion caused. You were startled, falling flat on your ass on the cold sand beneath you, the force with which you fell pulled Nat down with you too.

She snuck a hand around your waist, gripping you tightly as you both let out soft sobs of disdain and shock. The sight of Lottie, crumbling down because of the sudden loss was too much to bare. You couldn't even begin to imagine how it must feel, losing a person so dear to you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the crisp morning the sunlight beamed through the cabin, waking you from your restless sleep. It had been weeks after the incident, but the weight of it was still very present. A few girls that were up greeted you, and you grumbled a quiet 'morning' to them. It wasn't good- you simply acknowledged that it was morning.

Your eyes fell to Natalie's sleeping form beside you. She looked oh so peaceful, one of her hands rested on your hip and the other was above her head. Her lips were slightly parted and they formed a small pout. All the muscles in her face were relaxed and her chest rhythmically rose and fell. She was beautiful. You snuggled up to her, hoping to get a bit more rest before the day. You felt her stir a little, seeking your warmth even in her sleep. After a few minutes you noticed her breathing differ, as well as her lips curving into a small smile against your shoulder. The two of you had grown impeccably close since your break up with Travis, the day she comforted you like no one else ever had, or would.

"Hey."

"Hey Nat." You said, turning to face her

"Sleep well?" She asked, removing the hand from your hip and placing it under her head

"Nope." You responded simply, popping the p

"Yeah I figured...I'm starving" She muttered, burying her head further into your shoulder

You let out a bitter chuckle before responding, "Welcome to the fuckin' club"

The two of you laid there for a bit, relishing in the calm atmosphere- knowing it wasn't gonna last much longer.

A few hours had passed by, and the entire group was now awake and huddled by the fireplace while Mari worked on making breakfast, the meal being none other then a bunch of worms Shauna and Akhila brought back. You sat at Nat's feet, hugging your knees close to your chest with one arm as the girl finally handed you your food. Your face contorted in a slight, involuntary scowel at the sight

"Just pretend it's fries or something, yeah?" Natalie spoke above you, to which you silently nodded

"God, I can't to this" Mari said, disappearing for a moment. Once she returned, she had a jar of some kind of liquid with her

"What is that?" "Was some berries I was trying to save, but i think it might've turned into booze? I don't know about the rest of you, but I could use a drink."

"Do we think it's safe?" Tai asked with a hint of reluctence

"Do we care?" Good point.

"I don't!" You called out, extending your arm

"I have a few more." "If we have booze let's have a party." Jackie said in a flat tone- one that wasn't characteristic for her in the slightest

"Yeah, cause we have sooo much to celebrate" Taissa responded sarcastically

"Do we need a reason? We're gonna be dead in a few weeks." Jackie said, which yeah- true, but it was weirdly unsettling hearing it from her. She was the team's spirit, always hopeful and ready to offer reassurence and a smile. Even if you weren't fond of the girl, you wondered what could've changed her perspective so suddenly.

"...We packed dresses for the awards dinner. And it's gonna be homecoming soon"

"There's gonna be a full moon tomorrow" "Well there we go! We have dresses, we have booze, we can decorate...have sort of a moon homecoming." Jackie said, trying to convince the group

"More like a doom homecoming" Taissa said jokingly- though Van didn't seem to find it funny as she practically ran off

"A doomcoming" Lottie said, seemingly a bit out of it, but you did snicker at the idea. And so did Nat.

"Now that's a party idea" She said, looking over at Lottie

You leaned back, resting your head on Nat's knee

"Yeah, alright, a doomcoming- we'll drink rotten berries and celebrate our impending death.”

After that, you found yourself by Natalie's side, looking for branches, twigs, leaves, and little flowers, or anything that could help with decoration, really (which meant she was looking and you were walking along with her).

"So how've you been?" She asked, tearing something off a tree

"You know, you ask me that every day and the answer never changes" You replied, looking down at your grown out and chipped manicure

"Maybe I hope it will." She said sarcastically with her signature grin, turning to face you. Her expression suddenly became a bit more serious "He asks about you all the time, y'know?" She said reluctently, as if she was debating wether to voice it or not

And oh, yeah, him. That. You didn’t really care anymore, as bad as that sounds. Sure, it was tough at times, with him being around all the fucking time, but it had been a month or so, and to say Nat made it all easier is a rude understatement.

"You two really got nothin' better to talk about then me, huh?" You said sarcastically, picking a little white flower from the ground. She chuckled a little before speaking again

"I just thought you might wanna know he does miss you." She said, there was a bitter edge to her tone

“Maybe. But there’s no point in digging through the mud. All you get is dirty.” As you said this, you noticed the look on her face- none other than relief. You just wondered why she’d be relieved you don’t want anything to do with Travis anymore. But of course, you didn’t think too much of it.

"Do you wanna- go together?" Nat asked, fiddling with the makeshift decorations in her hand

"Like to the dance? Sure, I guess. I never went with a friend before." Ohh, you sweet summer child.

"First time for everything I guess" She said, walking again

You followed up behind her, ranting mindlessly about random stuff and the things you missed most about being home. She pretty much just listened, chiming in from time to time. That's what you loved about her, she always let you talk about anything yet never seemed to grow bored. Not only that, but in future conversations she even brought up little details you'd told her. She was listening. Soon enough you got back to the cabin, saying a quick bye to her before going inside.

"You done with that?" You asked Jackie, pointing to her pink caboodle

"Uh yeah, you can have it!" She said with a small smile

You muttered a quick 'thanks' , picking it up and applying a bit of make up, even though you kinda hated having to do your eyeshadow with your hands.

"Looks pretty." The girl said simply

"Thank you." You responded, not taking your eyes off the mirror. This is what you hated most about her- how fucking nice she was. If she was at least a bitch, you wouldn't feel bad about being a jealous idiot. Little did you know why she was being even nicer all of a sudden. But just like everything else, you brushed it off. Didn't think about it at all. Not when someone else was on your mind- there was no room for her.

What you couldn’t stop thinking about was Natalie. She looked, like, pretty today. Like, really pretty. You could only imagine how she’d look tonight. And yeah- you thought about her a lot. Almost whenever she was away, you thought about her. You didn’t know- but she was the same way. Sue you guys! You finally got a good friend that you can rely on and hug and smoke weed with and kiss! Woah- anyway. Yeah, that thought was a momentary lapse. Back to makeup.

Once you were done with all that, it was time to put on your dress. Which you couldn’t fucking zip yourself, ugh.

“Someone? Help please!” You shouted out, being met with hurried footsteps soon enough

“What? What? Oh, right, dress” Nat said storming in- maybe she thought a snake attacked you or something

You just snickered as she walked up to you, standing behind you to help you with the zipper. It felt oddly intense, really. First, she let her hand drop from your shoulder to you hip, then finally dragged the damn piece of metal up your back. If you didn’t know her, you’d think she was trying to act out a scene from a soap opera. But really, she was always this way with you- which is normal! Girls help each other out, is what you learned out here, Natalie just does it better then most. You finally turned around to look at her, raising your eyebrows and giving her an amused grin

"Well you sure clean up well" You said, leaning against the wall and crossing your arms over your chest. And you weren't lying. She looked fucking hot in a leopard print dress.

"Right back atcha...you done with your hair?"

"Uhh yeah, why?" You asked, furrowing your brows before she held a finger up and excused herself, leaving you wondering what the hell she was doing.

It didn't last long though, as she emerged back through the door in under a minute, holding two dainty makeshift tiaras that seemed to be made out of a few twigs in her hands

"I know it's kinda cheesy but- I figured you didn't make anything and all of the girls will probably put something in their hair, so I thought I could make us like- matching ones. You don't have to wear it!" She said, pretty much rambling. All you could think about is how thoughtful this was. And as she said, yeah, it was cheesy, but who cares! This might be your last party ever, might as well go all out.

"No no, Nat, I really love it. Thank you." You told her, glancing at the mirror as you put it on.

"Pretty." She said simply, and you tried to pretend it had the same effect on you as when Jackie said it earlier, or anyone really. Even Travis, though he never said it a lot.

"We should go...make our fuckin' amazing grand entrance and all that." She said, shuffling from one foot to another

"Yeah, let's go"

"Let the doomcoming begin!" Lottie called out as you all entered. It was a good thing, all this. Made you almost feel normal. Y'know- a teen girl, going to a high school dance, longing for a girl, boy.

First that went in were Jackie and Shauna, no surprise there, soon followed Mari and Akhila then Ben and Misty. After them, you and Nat came in while she held onto your arm. The two of you settled into a corner as she handed you a glass of the rotten berries.

Almost immediately after that, a small smile graced her face and she tugged on your arm, pointing back to the entrance. Pointing at Tai and Van. It was such an endearing sight, really.

"Are they-"

"Duh."

*kiss*

*cheering*

"Nat and Y/N too though, right?"

"Oh definitely!"

"Tonight's special, here" Natalie said in her usual sarcastic tone, giving you some of the broth Mari had made for tonight. I mean you were starving anyway, so you downed it almost immediately as the two of you engaged in conversation with some of the girls.

Bit of time had passed, and now that (almost) everyone was well fed, you moved onto the drinking. The berries were fucking terrible, but at least it was something.

"Stop." Lottie started as everyone turned to look at her, "We should have a moment of silence for Laura Lee."

"Yeah."

"To Laura Lee." "To Laura Lee."

Afterwards, the first to speak was Nat, "So, what now?" She asked beside you in anticipation

"Oh, now we just need the DJ to pump up the volume."

"What we need is a slow dance!"

Everyone looked around in anticipation before Lottie started humming 'Kiss by a Rose', to which everyone followed suit until someone played it on their walkman.

Natalie and you awkwardly turned to each other before chuckling. She took the liberty of wrapping her arms around your neck, whereas your hands landed on her hips.

Normally, you would've been seething at the sight of Jackie and your ex right in front of you, but you were too distracted by Natalie's slender frame dancing along with you. Not only did she block the view, but everything else around you. You still did feel a bit uneasy, and you fucking hated it.

"You wanna get out of here? I have real booze." Nat asked, of course she noticed. Fully noticed your discomfort with the situation.

"Please."

The two of you sat on the cold ground, taking a quiet breather, God knows you needed it. Both of you had been so stressed and tired, just like everyone else. Still, being with each other brought you a strange sense of comfort. It was weird- you'd only been friends for about a month, maybe even less, but it didn't make your connection any less strong

"Do you think Travis and Jackie will hook up tonight?" You asked suddenly- you felt strangely lightheaded. Could've been the booze.

"I uh... I mean I dunno." Oh how obvious it was she was trying to make you feel better.

"They probably will, right? He's so stupid." You muttered, bringing your knees close to your chest and resting your head on them.

"Hey, look, who cares, right? He's just a dumb boy, and he has no idea what he's missing." She reassured

"I mean like, yeah, he's a dipshit, but still. I don't even think it's about him, I don't know how to explain it..."

"Well you felt safe with him. Maybe you weren't in love with the person but just, y'know, being loved, liked, whatever. You got off on it." She said, still not drinking. That you noticed, and you were a little proud- she didn't ask for the bottle, not once. "And I don't mean like your puppets and arm pieces back home, more as truly appreciated."

"Damn Nat"

"See? I'm a total philosopher!" She responded with a small grin, one you learned to love

"Yup. Sure are. Oh also!" You started, laying down which she did too, "I don't think I ever like, formally apologized for always being a hugeee cunt. So- I'm very sorry."

"Well you're very forgiven. See how a near death experience softened you? Plus you apologized about fifty times." Nat said teasingly, turning her head to look at you

The two of you were just frozen in the moment, staring at each other whilst you laid so close your arms were touching

"Nat I feel reallyyy weird"

She giggled softly before answering, "You're high, so-"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah uh, you remember that time Misty poisoned coach?" "Mm."

"I think she put whatever that was in the food. Shrooms probably." Nat clarified, her eyes still boring into yours

"Seriously? Is it dangerous or something?" You questioned

"I mean, I don't think you can die from them." She said matter-of-factly

"Good enough for me. Dude this is an amazing buzz" You groaned out, tearing your eyes from hers and throwing your head back

She chuckled softly in response, still looking at you. And she wasn't ogling you or anything, she was fucking admiring you.

"You're stunning." She stated simply, her voice raspy and raw.

"Nat-" You started, but there was no way you could get any words out.

It could've been the shrooms, could've been the literal impending doom of knowing you were a dead girl still somehow walking. Maybe it was the loneliness of having your, admittedly toxic, safety net ripped away from you, or maybe the fact that you became a whole new person in the course of the last few months. You didn't know what it was, but you knew there was some kind of force pulling you towards this girl in a way that was more then friendly. Realizing that in the moment was like a soft caress, like one you'd never felt before. Accepting this was accepting a part of yourself you always knew was there, but it was buried deep down within you. But right now, you didn't care, for whatever reason mentioned. You just saw. You saw a beautiful, sensational girl before you.

Then you felt. You felt your heart do a somersault in your chest the moment you leaned in and brushed your lips against hers.

[ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal]

Don’t ever tell yourself that you’re not enough, I am certain that you’re truly fine

PART ELEVEN

Ot8 x reader

Word count: 769

Just a warning, this is my first fanfic! Does have age regression themes so if you’re not a fan, I ask that you respectfully just don’t read <3 also this will definitely have some angst

!THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION!

Days pass by and the guys are finally back and you all decide to have yall weekly game night.

“No way you guys are out of snacks!” You mention, looking through their pantry once.

Felix, who is in the kitchen making brownies, looks over at you. “It was probably Binnie, you know he likes to snack after a workout.” He says quietly to you, chuckling playfully.

“We are due for a grocery run,” Chris says, walking into the kitchen as well. “We can go while Lix is baking his brownies.” He suggests, looking at you.

This led to you and him at the store about fifteen minutes later. You both walk down multiple aisles gathering all the snacks and other food items you and the guys like. While you look for some chips, Chris looks at you “I’ll go grab some milk while you’re looking at what chips you want” he tells you then makes his way out the aisle and towards the milk.

A few minutes pass and you walk out with your chosen chips towards the milk and notice Chris not there. You look around the area, and there is no sign of him. You go and grab your phone out your pocket only to remember that you gave it to Chris to hold for you. Panic starts to set in and you start to feel yourself slowly slip into your headspace. The normal size store now starts to feel big and overwhelming. Your breathing is heavy as you walk back towards the chip aisle, thinking that Chris might go back there since that’s where you were supposed to be but slowly you get lost. So instead, you head towards the one place you remember where it’s at rather you’re big or small, the aisle you and felix always goes down… the video game section. It feels like it takes forever to get there, but you arrive at the games quite fast. You crouch down by the PlayStation section of the video games, taking deep breathes.

“Y/N!” You hear a voice say in the distance. You look up, but you don’t move. Then you hear your name closer and closer until you see a familiar face at the end of the aisle looking panicked. You look at Chris and you try to seem fine. You stand up on shaky legs, but you don’t say anything. As he approaches you, his expression turns soft as he can notice that you’re now little. “Are you okay?” He ask, his brown eyes looking into yours.

You nod your head, knowing if you speak, it’ll be obvious you’re little which is something you really don’t want Chris to know.

“Are you sure?” He ask, crouching down so appear less threatening. “Are you feeling little?” He also ask, wanting to confirm it.

You hesitate, and eventually you shake your head no, lying.

Chris cocks an eyebrow, stifling his laugh that threatens to spill out of how cute you are denying it. “You know, it’s okay if you’re little right?”

After a few moments, your wide innocent eyes become glassy as you can’t hold in your feelings anymore but you look away.

“Hey Hey, none of that baby,” Chris says softly, rubbing your arms to try and comfort you. “You don’t have to hide from me sweetie, it’s just me, just Channie!”

You sniffle and look at him “A-Appa” you stutter out as you start to cry.

Chris’ heart almost with happiness, “yes bubs, just Appa, Appa is right here. You’re safe.” He manages to get out, now pulling you into his arms, rubbing your back.

“T-Thought Appa left m-me… couldn’t find him.” You continue to cry in his chest which causes his heart to break, his own tears springing to his eyes.

“Oh baby girl, Appa would never leave you, never ever!” He says, trying to reassure you. After sometime, he slowly pulls you away and wipes the tears off your face and smiles softly. “Appa is sorry, he had to go take a call earlier bubs… but he would never leave you sweetie.”

You sniffle, nodding your head. “I’m sorry I’m little…” you look around, “people are looking Appa.” You say, fresh tears coming to your face but Chris is having none of that.

“They are looking because they are jealous that they don’t have such an amazing princess like I have,” Chris says to you, smiling and continuing to wipe up your tears. “I think you deserve a toy!”

Chris puts you on his back so he can easily push the buggy as you both go to the toy aisle.

(If anyone has request for future chapters or just one shots, fill free to let me know!)

(Taglist is open)

TAGLIST: @puppyminnnie @galaxy4489 @xxeiraxx @yunhospuppy @pixie0627