#which is so damn unfair..............
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taking all my fellow struggling mutuals' hands and lying down on the floor. we're all going through it. floor time now. love you. let's rest
#like i know i feel this way too deeply but it pains me to know i cannot physically be there for all of you#BECAUSE WE'RE COUNTRIES AND CONTINENTS AND OCEANS APART#which is so damn unfair..............#but i love you all so much. you mean so much to me. you brighten even the darkest of days and nights#i just wish i could show my love and appreciation in more ways than with simple words.....#wanna hug you wanna kiss your cheeks wanna hold your hands wanna bake and cook delicious things#wanna bundle you up all cozy and warm in soft blankets and build you a nest with pillows and other soft things#i wanna read you stories and listen to you tell me about your day and your life#i just wanna give all of you all my love!!!!!!
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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just remembered how hard life is for omegas
#it is not real not real not real not real not real not real not real not real#just a fanfic trope#that i dont read that often cuz it does kinda leave me with a sicky feeling#but sometimes i do start to feel bad for omegas like damn#i get that it exists as this kind of fantasy that is like 'the way people think of women and the way they are held down in society' but mak#it men (and sexy). like the idea that women are so irrational and emotional and controlled by biological impulses but make that#actually accurate like thats my idea of why the omega verse is so popular but i think thats what makes me so sick about it#is its all these things that arent actually true about women but made true and it feeds into my like anger? idk if thats the right word#maybe unfairness is more the word#like how i feel about being a woman and like people have taken that and eroticised it which is so normal and cool and i even like reading i#sometimes but sometimes it makes me feel sick and i feel bad for the omegas so#rambling sorry and making no sense
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Me, who draws Hadestown almost daily for the last 4 years: oh no :( I can’t draw Hadestown, I need to draw the same drawing number 501 otherwise I get sad :(
#me being me#I HATE THE FACT THAT I WILL NEED TO DRAW DW WHEN IM BACK#I think it’s very mean and unfair towards me#I’ll never gonna participate in zines again#I got corrections and fixes on my zine work which I didn’t expect and even though I can see the point in them I’m so pissed in a way#because the deadline was super short just a month for 2 works#and I literally hate every moment of it because I’m just so not interested in drawing it#and now I have damn corrections and another work to finish and I have less than a week
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In Furaffinity's kink writing community I provide two essential services: I show a word count for all my stories, and I write stories with less than 5k words
#i will admit that long stories are very impressive#but god damn dude 10k words? you're asking for a pretty hefty time commitment for a vore story#especially when the first half is all setup#average adult reading speed is 200-300 words per minute so 10k words could take up to 50 minutes#okay sorry i'm being unfair. super long kink stories with lots of setup can be fun#it's just that it feels like they so heavily outnumber short stories which is pretty weird#still! not their fault. there's no problem with posting lots of really long stories#there IS a problem with not putting a word count tho#okay not really a problem just a very annoying inconvenience. knowing how long a story is is important for the readers#i always make sure to put a word count in the thumbnail or description#FA has a really nice feature where you can click the little icon in the bottom-right to see the description without leaving the page#so in my stories where the thumbnail can't fit a word count i put the word count right at the start of the description!#i do that often on my main account but i should probably just put the word count in the thumbnail. there's room
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i need to do exposure therapy with purgatory i think the fandom experience at the time instilled the unpleasant dread and despair i still feel whenever i think about the event
#though it was also . the event itself’s fault . lol#and the miserable experience it was to watch them play from 7 pm to 5 am every single day for two weeks my time#and yes a lot of my unpleasant feelings towards purg come from my own ass being hyperfixated on the serv/etoiles#to a point where i struggled to Not watch . which made the feelings worse yknow#also like it kinda sucked for everyone it also sucked as an etoiles viewer . man was constantly stuck between the#‘i can’t fight like i want to bc people will complain that im too strong and it’s unfair nor can i Not fight bc people will complain that#i’m going easy on people/not invested in the team’ . and he was right people shit on him either way#like the event marked him in the ‘damned if i do damned if i don’t’ department so much that he still uses purgatory as an example today#and then he joined purg2……. babey girl ur hyperfixation is hurting u….. i actually enjoyed purg2 more tho so idc as much LOL#purg2 was better bc it was an event u actually willingly joined and it included people not from the main server so it wasn’t stuck in#fucking ‘is this lore or a pvp competition’ limbo#anw yeah even though i dislike purgatory overall bc it rly did shitall other than make people angry for two weeks (on ur server thats#supposed to be about uniting cultures . they all spoke in primarily english for two weeks bc the competition model that purg was#was just not built for short distance discussions…. lord)#there’s still some cool stuff that came out of it . my fave highlights r bloodhounds and nice cogs i love them#when i feel stronger i will comb through the vods to write up the relevant stuff for the etoiles miraheze page i just . am still not strong#enough . the detox must be slow and steady#jay rambles#also i am going to bed now i should have been asleep ages ago
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i like. refuse to entertain any thoughts that maybe i just didnt come out right or theres something fundamentally wrong w me cause i don’t want to get caught in a self pitying mindset but i do wonder . what exactly makes me always end up in Predicaments with people why do i feel like the more honest i am and the clearer my intentions the worse they get across
#p#i am so desperately fighting this feeling of otherness i will NOT shut myself out#but god fucking damn it sometimes people make me feel so bad for apparently being so unable to resonate with them#i’ll make a very clear straightforward statement and they’ll be like By that you clearly mean this:#like no i don’t actually. what i mean is exactly what i said?#this constant social expectation to read between the lines of everything and then getting in trouble for taking things at face value#and the thing i say to be taken at face value always get misconstrued bcs ppl read between lines that don’t exist#i just feel slapped in the face after genuine efforts i’ve made to stop being an annoying bitch and picking everything apart to get to its#deeper meaning. now i’m suddenly made to feel like either a shit person or socially incapable#all cause ? i refuse to read other peoples minds and don’t expect them to read mine?#and me demanding the same honesty back is unfair also hence me being a shit person/socially incapable#thes things make my head hurt . should everyone elses values and priorities be respected except for mine. which is in my onion a very#reasonable adjustment for clear communication..?#Should i kill myself. yes or no
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One year of work only to get a mediocre grade.
#uni life#jojo rambles#I still wouldn't accept it but I might understand it if I ever had real negative feedback from my supervisors#but nah my defence was great#and the feedback I got in the methods and results part was also good/great#I am angry disappointed and sad#like none of the feedback I got in it from friends and parents was bad#the grade isn't actually bad but in comparision it ia#it is my third/second worst grade in the entire master#and the ultimate unfair part of pouring so many hours of work into a study which will only be evaluated by some written pages#not the workload#like fuck I even contacted other researchers to get their data and ideas on certain topics#none of the people I know have gone that far...#my overall grade will still be damn good but ONE YEAR
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Honestly, I shouldn’t have slept on revamping bewitched so much. I know I hate the way I wrote it and have to cringe at every word while editing and reworking on it but the characters were well-built despite my writing skills and the plot was pretty good ���? I don’t think a ton of the readers who were hype about the series are around and it’s pretty hard to build a brand new audience.
#🌺; aleyna rambles#i procrastinate a lot when it comes to bewitched bc god i hate revamping because i genuinely cannot stand the way i wrote back then#😭#some people from way back in the day are still around which is actually miraculous to me and i appreciate them from the bottom of my heart#but i feel like i wasted bewitched’s potential in a way... like damn it deserves better 😬#i don’t know if anyone remembers but bewitched’s last update was THEE cliff-hanger™. like the next chapter was about to reveal the plot lol#back in my old blog. then i moved and decided to revamp it#i was ashamed of the way i used to write so i kinda hurriedly decided to revamp everything before reposting#not just bewitched all of my reposts are heavily re-edited🧍🏽♀️#but damn i feel so bad about bewitched specifically. it could’ve spread its wings and taken off but since i’m such a damsel in distress#it has to suffer with me. which is unfair#hush barely has any plot so i know new or old; readers will tune in. like it’s just p*rn and two hot guys 😭😭#but bewitched... my child i’m so sorry i failed you 😔
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my au has such heavy frenrey leanings honestly I'm kind of embarrassed. they were already weird as fuck in canon when they hated each other and now the whole premise of the AU is for Gordon to Get Along with Benrey so it's like. can you two relax
#benrey also immediately takes a shine to gordon bc. before the test Gordon obviously tried his luck in preventing the rescas.#he didnt have high hopes it would work but. worth a tryyyyy! so benrey is escorting him to the chamber (to protect gordons passport bc#the hev suit has no pockets) and gordons trying to warn people that. hey. this test is gonna go bad. that computer literally just exploded.#there is no way this will end well. and then the test happens and he gets injured in the chamber so benry is like.#damn this is so unfair for you.... and so he kinda hovers for a while. and then again once gordon loses his hand#and gordon is like the fuck are you doing. and he cant conceptualize that benrey GENUINELY cares. yeah its bad they're so bad#also i think i may have spelt benrey both ways here on accident ive never been able to decide which to use ig LOL#phx news#hlvrai 2nd run
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you know my dudes i don't think i'm quite sure on whether i prefer "it's not a game" or "be safe/be good" as a prelude to it's just a ride aka the rtc finale cause like. "It's not a game" fits more musically and thematically to it's just a ride and it sounds so damn good and it focuses on the kids bittersweetingly making peace with their choice to concede for Jane Doe which is VERY important to them making peace with their lives in "it's just a ride" and their character arcs in regards to how they treat Jane Doe BUT THEN AGAIN "be safe/be good" has the kids MOURNING their deaths and the lives they left behind and like,,,the idea of first mourning their own deaths before coming to peace with them via finding the fun in the rollercoaster ride that led to their deaths IS SO FUCKING HEAVY AND PROFOUND ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE KIDS LIKE HOLY FUCK THAT'S IMPACTFUL
#as u can see i am torn once again#cAN WE HAVE BOTH? CAN WE PLEASE HAVE BOTH#i can see why their director liked be safe/be good a lot because damn (also may she rest in peace)#i dunno like i am in love with the idea that to first make amends with your life and with your death you have to first MOURN your losses#like#fuck#i kinda wish rtc featured that more somewhere#but also hngggg it's not a game/it's just a ride fits so fucking well in the show though#and it's important to show that these kids have also learned to gain empathy for someone they barely know (jane doe)#to the point of voting for her to live again#so HOW DO WE SOLVE THIS HMM#anyways woo rtc brainrot#ride the cyclone#aLSO LIKE TO EXPOUND ON THE MOURNING PART - HAVING THAT PART STAY EMPHASIZES THAT THE CHOICE WAS *PAINFUL*#THE CHOICE TO VOTE JANE DOE - THOUGH MADE WILLFULLY - HAD TO BE PERSONALLY PAINFUL TO THEM#BECAUSE THAT MEANT LETTING GO OF THEIR OWN LIVES#AND YET NO MATTER HOW UNFAIR THEY FIND THEIR SITUATION TO BE (it's not fAAAAAAIR not faiiiiir)#tHEY STILL MAKE THAT CHOICE#aND THEY STAND BY IT - WHICH LEADS TO THEM COMING TO TERMS WITH THEIR LIVES AND DEATHS IN THE NEXT PART OF THE FINALE#IT'S JUST SO FUCKING GOOD GUYS
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dont worry yall, i almost made a really self-pitying post about being an ace person when allo people dont love you back the way you love them
but then i remembered that basically all of my allo friends right now love me so much and so earnestly and it's literally just this one (not on tumblr) friend i've been having issues with and thats not a me problem thats a them problem
moody post averted
#ive gotta stop reading books about asexual characters they make me so emo and sulky#power of friendship stories in general sometimes#also. another thing that got me emotional in this book? girls going through her sexuality crises and her friends are pissed at her about it#which happens in queer books kind of a lot and from the friends pov it can make sense - MC did some less than perfect behaviors#but when i am in a personal crises and feeling grief that the life i thought i was gonna live isn't gonna be it#im not gonna be the bigger person and prioritize your feelings!!#she apologized and they blew her off!! frickin be there for your friend got DAMN!#gonna consolidate my feelings of 'the unfairness of being forced to console others while you're grieving' later
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just remembered how in the sixth grade there was a fucking riot in the cafeteria that ended in the entire grade getting silent lunch for like 3 months
#I think it was 3 months but it felt a lot longer. my god middle school was the school to prison pipeline at its finest#on one hand I think its unfair that we were all punished but to be fair the entire grade participated in this riot. I don't even remember#what we were rioting? I just remember a girl named whitney was involved and 1 thing led to another and whitney ran out of the cafeteria#and THE ENTIRE GRADE WENT AFTER HER 😭. myself included I didn’t even know why either but WE WERE AFTER THAT BITCH 😭#it was so bad I remember everyone was heading one direction and then everyone started running back the other direction.#and I got knocked down in the process looking back this was really dangerous. but after that we got silent lunch for what felt like forever#like not only were we forced to sit with our homerooms (and some us didn’t even like our homeroom) but we couldn’t even talk to each other#which is honestly not good for socialization?? but again I can’t entirely blame them cause the situation was out of control.#but also shouldn’t the adults have had that thing under control??? anyways the person who ran silent lunch was the vice tyrant dr levine#he fucking hated us like that man was PISSED OFF and he made it clear cause if you made a sound during silent lunch#that man was gonna threaten you with detention extended detention ISS (aka in school suspension)#he didn’t even mean it but it was pretty good for instilling fear in us good kids. but one time I remember there was a kid who didn’t buy i#he didn’t give into levine’s fear tactic and levine started yelling “ISS!! OSS!! EXPULSION!!!!!” like calm down#I feel bad thinking about how so many kids who would ACCIDENTALLY make a sound were punished. and they were so damn terrified#cause it was like you were on your best behavior all of the time and then one noise and suddenly you had an out of school suspension#one time a boy named jc’s phone went off and he picked it up and it was his grandma asking him if he wanted ice cream 😭 no fucks given#and levine was screaming at him to hang up the phone and jc was like “this is my grandmother I can’t hang up"#and there came a time where we were finally off the hook and I just remember people in the cafeteria were clapping 😭#like this was school sanctioned oppression and we were finally liberated... but then we were back to silent lunch and I don’t even know why#I remember once even I ended up in Levine’s office but I dont think its cause I was talking during silent lunch??#I think it had something to do with bullying idk?? I just remember levine had my back during it and made the other kid cry and apologize#so shout out to levine. always good times goodbye!
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its so unfair we dont just have trains. like i am grateful that i can afford to pay for a car but i would definitely say i experience my car much more as a burden than as a source of freedom
#just found out the tires may have gone bad early because i don't drive it often enough??? like how needy is this bitch#driving it more would mean taking it to work every day which means i would have to get to the office 2 hours earlier to get parking#which would also cost me several hundred dollars a semester#and would also mean i have no excuse to leave work before my boss#all so i can pay extra for gas and ruin the environment more???#the bus is free#but the bus basically doesn't go anywhere except my work especially now that the city killed public transport#so i need the damn car to go anywhere other than work but goddd owning it is such a pain in the ass#it literally brings me nothing but guilt and stress#its so unfair that i cant just get on a train it makes me so mad
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Putting it like that I wonder how much Calamity might've directly inspired Suvi.
Rewatching through EXU Calamity and I just want to give big props to Marisha and Aabria for going so hard on the “rip to that other guy but I’m different” vibes that the Age of Arcanum was overflowing with.
The ladies find a letter written in plain and simple language that essentially says “Wizards can’t be trusted with knowledge because they’re too ambitious so I won’t tell you what the tree does” and immediately went “well maybe not those ambitious wizards but we’re totally different ambitious wizards who definitely know what we’re doing and are so much better and cooler that we’ll definitely be able to handle what we find!”
The arrogance, the drama, the self-centered hubris of it all—god I wish we had more time with these two ego-maniacs!
#Suvi is hands-down the most interesting PC in WBN#and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that Aabria is going out of her way to play someone who is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG#and it's not bad of Lou and Erika to NOT do that by any means#but I do feel like a lot of their arcs are just being rewarded by the narrative for doing whatever it is they want#(note: I haven't caught up in awhile so this could be hugely hilariously wrong by now)#but up to at least the season two finale with Suvi there's a ton of internal conflict regarding her own choices not present with the others#and I think contrasting that with Ame and Urselon#it's like well damn is Suvi ever gonna have one over yall or does she just exist to get clowned on for having specific beliefs#that go beyond being a fantasy hippie#so a lot like the Rat Grinders I feel like I'm on Suvi's side more than I'm meant to because I feel in my soul that narrative dissonance#even though that's extra unfair to everyone involved here because Aabria wants to be the wrong one and finds that interesting#but in Calamity (see I brought it back around) on the other hand EVERYONE was a Suvi in their own way#instead of there being one Designated Wrong character#and that's more appealing to me as a viewer#but as I always say I don't criticize WBN nearly as much as D20 because it's just a home game we're lucky to see#without even having to pay for it accepting a mere time delay#so please please please understand that the things I'm saying here more than ANYTHING I ever say about D20#comes with the disclaimer “this is just my perspective as an audience member which I understand is not the reason why this campaign exists”
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Man I'm not going to get to do Anything worthwhile today bc of this shit, am I.
#waiting for the damn signups to open again is so fucking exhausting#not to mention pretty fucking boring#I'm so tired; had a bit of a lie-in today but it hardly matters when I didn't get the appropriate amount of rest in the first place 😔#please for the love of god just let us in already. I'm so tired of fucking waiting on this shit. please.#if they do a past-midnight opening again (which is ofc technically the day AFTER they said they'd be open) I'm gonna fucking flip#seriously that was SO unfair how tf was I supposed to know that was going to happen#I went to bed that night like a reasonable person#for once#please just let me be free. I didn't get to play my game much yesterday bc I made a mistake and chose to do other things instead#I have no choice today#I need to get in as early as possible#I wish they'd've posted well in advance when signups were supposed to start instead of launching it practically out of nowhere like that#I hadn't even known the mascot vote had already been tallied#the devlogs in their current form are worse than useless; you can barely notice the damn thing in the first place#and if you're too busy in that moment then god help you
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