#which is ok it's been forever so it's my own fault

[butmakeitgayblog]

Thank you so so much for the MBFW chapter! I was just thinking what if it’s Clarke’s master plan to “get married” to force lex a make a move finally. Because i can’t process how they’re being so dumb. Desperate rooms? Arguing with Finn in the hallway over Finn even talking to lexa? LOL.

Ok well hang on 😅 she wasn't arguing with Finn in the hallway, she was chewing him out for how acted, but they were in his hotel room! With the door closed! So in Clarke's mind it was a completely private conversation. She had no idea that 1. Lexa was listening, or 2. Anyone could even hear that well through the walls... 👀

But in a non-spoilery way I can tell you with absolute certainty that no, the wedding is not a plan to force Lexa to make a move or anything. Don't get me wrong, it is stupid and she does have her own very... hmmm... misguided reasons for why she's throwing herself into this chaotic life decision, but truthfully it is not to pressure or manipulate Lexa into anything at all. This is purely a Clarke decision made for and by herself, no matter how bad it may be 😁

[tigergendermoved2tigergender]

Remembering the toxic hellscape that was 2015-2019ish SU fandom and just how much hate the show got is really insane when you rewatch the show after it's been a while. Like the show is good what the hell were any of these people talking about

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[spaceman-earthgirl]

Supercorptober Day 28: Book

ao3 fic link. ao3 series link. - Thanks to @itistakingover for this idea!

Kara knows she’s in trouble. She can see it as soon as she walks into their apartment and sees her sister sitting at the dining table, book closed in front of her.

“We need to talk.”

There’s no preamble, Alex getting straight to the point, which means Kara’s in even more trouble than she thought.

It also means there’s no getting out of this.

“I can explain,” Kara starts, even though she can’t. Or, well, she can, but Kara knows Alex won’t be taking any of her excuses, not this time.

“Kara, this has to stop,” Alex continues, ignoring her. “We can barely afford rent and food and all the bills that are piling up and you brought another book. You promised you wouldn’t.”

Kara swallows. She thought she’d hid the book better, but Alex must have found it as it’s sitting on the table between them.

Kara’s glad she took a bag to the bookstore today, Alex would be extra upset if she knew that in Kara’s bag is a new book she bought less than half an hour ago.

Kara opens her mouth but Alex cuts her off. “And don’t you dare tell me you had to buy it.”

“But Alex, I did!” It’s really not her fault, she wishes Alex could see that. “I was at the bookstore and Lena was there and I had to buy it or else she’ll wonder why I was in the store again.”

“Oh my God, Kara,” Alex groans, head falling forward, knocking against the table.

Kara, alarmed for a moment, rushes to her sister’s side. “Are you okay?”

Alex sits up, levels Kara with a glare. “You have to stop spending all our money on books. We all know you have a crush on Lena, we all know that’s the only reason you go to her store so often. So please, for the love of God, just ask her out so you’ll stop buying so many books.”

“No, that’s not-“

“Kara, please, just don’t. Yes, I know she’s pretty and I know she’s smart and funny and whatever else you have to say about her. That’s no reason to spend all our money. All you need to do is ask her out and then you’ll get to see her whenever you like and we won’t get kicked out of our apartment because we can’t pay the rent.”

“I...” Kara bites her lip. “What if she says no?”

Alex looks surprised because yes, maybe it is rather obvious that Kara has a crush on Lena, but this is the first time she’s admitted it. Or is close to admitting it anyway.

“Trust me,” Alex says. “She won’t. You’ve both got it as bad as each other.”

Alex has said this before too but Kara has never listened, because there’s no way it’s true. Kara is in way too deep with a girl she only knows because she visits her bookstore so often. To Lena, Kara is probably just another customer who spends a lot of money, which means being nice to her is good for business.

“So,” Alex says, pulling Kara from her thoughts. “You promise you won’t buy any more books? And this time actually mean it?”

“But what if she-“

“No.” Alex cuts her off. “That’s it, come with me.”

Kara is alarmed as Alex abruptly stands and grabs onto her arm. Kara stumbles a little as she follows her sister.

“Where are we going?” Kara asks as Alex drags her out of the apartment.

“We’re going to the bookstore so you can ask Lena out.”

Kara stops on the spot, pulling Alex to a stop too. “No.”

Alex turns and tugs on her sisters arm again. “Yes. It’s either this or we’re going to starve because I know the next time you see her you’ll want to buy another book and we just can’t afford that.”

Considering that that’s exactly what happened this morning, Alex might be right.

“But,” Kara starts, except that only excuse she can think of not to do this is because she’s terrified. Which is a pretty good excuse in Kara’s opinion.

“No buts. Please, we need that money.”

Kara sighs, Alex is right.

“What do I even say?” Kara asks, starting to walk again on her own, surprising Alex again.

“Hi Lena, I’ve been in love with you forever and I want to have your babies.”

This time, Kara glares at Alex.

Alex laughs. “Ok fine. You just say, ‘Hi, I really like you, do you want to go out for coffee sometime?’”

“That sounds too easy.”

“It is that easy,” Alex agrees, though Kara still doesn’t believe her.

Kara stops again once they arrive at the store, standing outside, too scared to go in knowing what Alex wants her to do. And she wants to do it too, has dreamed of this, of actually telling Lena how she feels, or Lena asking her out, any version that it goes well and she gets to be with Lena.

Kara sees Lena through the window and despite the fact that Lena is talking to a customer, she happens to look up and catches Kara’s eye through the window. Lena gives her a small smile and wave and something in Kara’s chest loosens.

This is Lena, who always makes time to chat with her in store, who is always nice and friendly and is kind to everyone she meets. Lena, who is always willing to help Kara with any book request, no matter how silly it is and always makes her feel so warm and welcome.

Lena, who she is in love with and maybe does want to have her babies, but she’ll never admit that out loud.

“Go on,” Alex urges and Kara takes a deep breath before she steps through the door. The bell jingles above her head and even that is comforting in its familiarity.

Alex follows her in and Kara is glad her sister is here, even if she’s probably just going to embarrass herself.

Alex wanders off, making herself look busy looking at books but Kara stands awkwardly in the middle of the store, unsure what to do.

It’s a few minutes before Lena is finished with the customer and then she immediately makes her way towards Kara.

“Kara, what a nice surprise. Was one book not enough for you today?”

Kara shoots a quick look at her sister and finds Alex glaring at her, so obviously she’d heard and hadn’t figured out Kara had already bought a book today.

Lena catches the look, glancing between them. “Is everything okay?”

Kara shakes her head, and then just goes for it. Honestly is good, right? “No, Alex is upset I keep buying books.”

Lena looks confused. “Is that a bad thing?”

Kara bites her lip. “Yes, when I’m spending all our rent money on books.”

Lena still looks confused. “Oh I-“

Kara cuts her off. “Let me explain?”

Lena pauses and nods.

“It’s not the buying books part that is bad, it’s that I’m buying books I don’t need because I come in here just to see you but use the books as an excuse.”

Lena’s eyes widen. “Oh.”

“And I have genuinely enjoyed all the books I’ve brought from you, but the main reason I come in here most days is just to see you.”

Lena smiles. “I know.”

“What?”

“I mean, I did think you wanted the books and I wouldn’t have let you buy them if I’d known you were spending your rent money. But I did know you were coming in here just to see me.”

“Oh.” It’s now Kara’s turn to not know what to say. “Is that okay?” Kara finally asks when the silence stretches too long.

“Is what okay?”

“Is it okay that I come here just to see you?”

Lena nods. “I look forward to your visits. Every time the bell jingles, I hope it’s you.”

Kara bites her lip, her heart skipping in her chest. This isn’t how she saw today going at all. “Does that mean if I ask you out for coffee, you’ll say yes?”

Lena presses her lips together, her cheeks pink as she nods. “I’d really like that.”

“I really like you,” Kara replies, the words tumbling from her mouth without much thought but as soon as she’s said them, she regrets it immediately. What if that’s not what Lena meant, what if she-

Kara’s thought process is derailed when Lena reaches out and takes her hand, warm fingers slipping between her own.

“I really like you too,” Lena says, voice soft and eyes bright.

Kara could spend forever looking into Lena’s eyes, trying to figure out exactly what colour they are.

“Thank God.” 

Both Kara and Lena startle at the interruption, Alex suddenly beside them.

“Sorry to break this up but Lena, you have a customer.”

Lena’s cheeks go properly red this time as she turns and sees a customer at the counter.

Lena turns back to Kara. She takes her hand, pulls a pen out of her pocket and scribbles something on Kara’s hand. 

“I have to go, but text me?” Lena asks, shy again like they didn’t just both admit they like each other. Of course, Kara isn’t going to say no.

Kara nods as she watches Lena go and help the customer. She looks down at her hand and sees Lena’s number written in blue ink, a little heart beside it.

Alex bumps her side. “Told you.”

Kara grins. “Thank you.”

“It was entirely selfish, I just wanted you to stop spending money,” Alex says but Kara knows that’s not true. It’s definitely partly true but by the way Alex is smiling at her, Kara knows her sister is happy for her too.

Kara links her arm with Alex’s. “Donuts to celebrate?”

Alex laughs. “At least now you can go back to spending all your money on food.”

Kara waves at Lena as she leaves, Lena sending her another small smile that makes Kara warm from the inside. She can’t wait for their first date.

[byunpum]

My lost child…

Pair: Aunt Sully human x Spider Socorro (mother and son)

Warning: None. Cute, Kinda sad, Y/N being a good mother.

+REQUEST "Here"+

Note: My baby spider need love and attention. I got sentimental doing this writing. Auntie Y/N would be the perfect mother for him.

"Are you sure you want to keep this baby?" says norm, as you hold spider in your arms, a baby just 10 months old. The first time you saw this baby was in the arms of Socorro, a coworker. You were from the research area, but you still shared with other friends from other areas of work. And it was also the first time you saw the child of your husband's lover Miles Quaritch, who had betrayed you with this woman a few months ago.

She had a smile from ear to ear, showing her son to the others, with an air of self-satisfaction. She gave you a few glances as she laughed. You barely approach the group of ladies now surrounding the newborn. You decide to turn around and go back to the laboratories, you had a lot of work to do and the mission to escape to a safe area, in order to save the Omaticaya was your priority at the moment. After the war, many people were sent to earth, but some were too young to travel.

And there you were holding a baby that reminded you of all the pain you once had. But, what was this child's fault? None. "Yes…I'll take care of him" you say, pulling the spider closer to your chest. Norm watches you, he has been by your side all along, he knows how you feel. But he also knows your heart is so big. "You and your brother Jake have a heart like a chicken," he jokes. Norm knows he'll be safe with you.

That same night you are with spider, in your room. A small room, which had a very small bunk bed. A small dresser and a mirror next to it. You had to decorate it so it would be perfect for a baby. You are preparing a kind of nest with the sheets, you wanted him to sleep next to you. "ba b aba" spider barks, as you set up. "You're in the mood to talk, huh?" you laugh, as you reach over and give him a kiss on the cheeks. And you lay him down next to you, as you wrap him in your blanket. Your face is close to his face, while his cute little hands touch and caress your cheeks. As he lets out a few laughs. "You're a very happy baby… aren't you" you speak, stroking his golden curls. Spider begins to cry a little, and you pull him to your chest so that his head rests on your chest, so that he can hear your heartbeat.

This hurt you so much…you were not able to have children on your own, you had so many pregnancy losses that you had already lost all hope of being a mother. This was one of the many reasons why Quaritch had decided to look for another woman to give him what you could never give him. But here you were… caring for a baby that was the image of the betrayal that those two people had done to you. But your heart was not selfish, it was not cruel. It never had been… you couldn't be cruel to a baby who needed you. You needed him.

His little hands squeezed your hands, bringing one of your fingers to his hand. "I will take care of you… forever" you speak, as you stroke your boy's hair. For a moment you come back to reality, and there was spider, scared and hurt. His body was shaking with cold, as he hugged you and his head was pressed against your chest. Even though he was all wet, you could still feel the tears coming down from his eyes. "Mom…I'm scared," says spider, trying to breathe calmly into his oxygen mask.

You hadn't seen your son in the last 4 months since the RDA had kidnapped him, and now he was hugging you so tightly, you felt like he was going to crack a rib. " Darling…I'm here…it's ok. I found you, mommy is here" you speak while hugging your son. As you watch the boat sink into the sea. Your whole family was together, Jake and Neytiri and your nephews. Neteyam was hurt, but he was okay. Everyone hugs each other, while your sight drifts to the water… you almost lost what you loved the most in this life. You feel a hand drag you by the arm, and you see it's Jake. Hugging you and spider. "Here we are…together" Jake says, as the other family members gather to hug them.

Hours later, everyone was at the metkayina clan, in the marui that everyone shared. Neytiri was taking care of neteyam, and your other nephews were talking to each other. Jake had gone to talk to Tonowari and Ronal. While you were tending to spider's wounds, the boy was silently watching you carefully place the medicinal paste on his wounds. With such love and passion. "And how is he? Did you like meeting your father?" you ask him. Spider just says " mm yes" after a while you ask again.

"And you saw pictures of her… of your mom?" you ask, spider swallows hard. "Yes… and they told me about her. I even saw videos" says spider. Your heart squeezes a little, you're sure they told him about her. That they told him how wonderful his mother was, how he was such a wanted child. "It's good that you know who your mother was," you say, a little hurt. Neytiri was listening to the conversation, she knew the pain in your tone of voice. You had always had the feeling that the day would come when Spider would know more about his mother and you would move on.

Spider can see your face of disgust and sadness. The boy comes up to you and hugs you. "He and that woman do not affect my feelings for you. The one who took care of me…who raised me, and loved me is you…mom. My mother Y/N" says spider giving you a smile. You caress his face, and give him a kiss on his forehead. "I love you too my life" you speak. " I love you more…mama" spider rests his face in the crook of your neck.

Jake had returned from talking to Tonowari, as he walked in he saw the scene. Spider was still hugging you, while you stroked his hair. Jake carefully approaches neytiri's side, just as he sits down and begins to speak, the woman speaks. "eywa gives second chances, gives us something we have lost. It doesn't have to come in the best way…but it will always bring two lost souls together…like those two," says Neytiri, pointing at you. Jake is thoughtful for a moment.

"Am I missing something?" asks Jake, Neytiri just laughs and continues to look after Neteyam. Jake takes another look in your direction. You were hugging your son, he had never seen you so happy, your smile was just like his mother's, right there he could understand everything. Eywa always brings together souls that have been lost…always.

[luveline]

Hi lovely, how are you? Idk if you're doing the blurbs still but if you are, can you do something like Eddie taking care of a hungover reader that just partied to hard with her friends? Or something with hockey! Eddie because I love him and you ❤️

I'm good thanks! I hope this is ok ♡ fem

"Come on, loser. Eat up." 

"Can't eat." You stare up at your friend with pleading eyes. "Don't make me." 

"I'm not gonna make you do anything," Eddie says, sliding a plate of eggs and bacon in front of you at the kitchen table with a shrug. "Feel like shit forever, see if I care." 

You pick up your coffee with shaking hands. "You could stand to be a little nicer to me," you whine lightly, more pleading than annoyed. "I don't feel well and you're supposed to love me." 

You think even a dash of compassion from Eddie could cure you. He's not a mean guy —he's been known to hug you at random moments, or lick your wounds for you when things get tough— he's just having an 'I told you so' moment, of which he's prone. 

"This is your own fault." Eddie fills a glass of water at the sink and puts that next to your plate. "If you're going to drink coffee you need water, too. The coffee will make you feel worse in the long run."

"You're like a drill sergeant." 

He finally breaks, reaching across the table to squeeze your forearm. "I just want you to feel better, you dummy." 

Your eyes dry and your head pounding, you switch from coffee to water if only to see some approval in his gaze as he takes the chair beside yours and starts on his own breakfast. Steam drifts in the air, the greasy smell of bacon tickling your nose. You poke an egg yolk with your fork, grimacing as it breaks. 

"Could I make some toast or something instead?" you ask. You really would like to eat, but the egg and bacon is too heavy. You're afraid you won't be able to keep it down. 

He rolls his eyes. "I'll make you some toast, babe, just drink your water." 

He makes you some toast, plate to his chest so he can eat and watch the bread brown at the same time, eating in that boyish way where he leans down to the fork rather than bringing it up to his mouth. It's his fault you got so drunk, in a roundabout way, though you don't actually think that and you'd never tell him if you did. He was in his stupid elf costume from his favourite book, his hair sleek and out of his face, face painted pale. Will you do my makeup? had started innocuously and ended with his hands on your waist to hold you in place, heart in your throat, pulse a hummingbird under his touch. You had to drink to forget the feeling. To avoid ruining everything. 

He seems to be taking pity on you now, swapping your plate for a new one of toast. He dips down to kiss the top of your head Eddie style, smacking. "You should quit partying so hard." 

"It felt like a good idea at the time." 

"Sweetheart," he says, pausing as you take a bite of your toast like it's his mouth that's full. He sighs and wraps an arm around your shoulders to hug you. "Is it really bad?" 

"I feel dizzy." 

"Eat your toast," he encourages, softer now, not a dummy in sight. "You'll feel better once you've recouped your losses. I'll make you some pedialyte, if you want?" 

"Can't I just have gatorade?" you mumble, mouth full of toast, head full of his naked arm pressing to your collar. 

"Don't want much, do you?"

Still, Eddie hauls you to the couch with a bucket just in case and a promise to return. He drives the two miles there and back it takes to get you gatorade and he doesn't complain about it, just breaks the seal and presses it into your hand. 

It's the most peculiar thing when he sits down next to you and takes your hand. Almost hesitant at first, then like it doesn't mean a thing, he holds your hand for the few hours between breakfast and lunch until you feel better, gatorades drank, and an orange eaten between you. 

"Next year," he says, slinking down into the couch, the smells of lunch cooking on the stove, your hand once again taken and held to his chest, "we should go as a duo costume." 

"Like what?" 

"I don't know. Ferris and Sloane?" 

"No one would ever guess who Sloane was." 

"How about, uh," —he's speaking casually, voice dipped low and rough— "fucking, Baby, from that movie you like? Baby and Tommy." 

"Dirty Dancing? You want to go as Baby and Johnny?" you ask. It's the most coupley couples costume there is. 

"I'd have to cut my hair. I don't think I'm ready for that."

"Did you hit your head while you were out?" you ask. 

"Whatever. You can just go as something lame again." He finger runs down your forearm. "You looked nice, but you could've looked awesome. You could've been Arwen." 

"Oh, I get it now. You want a mental image for the bank." Eddie groans and pulls away from you. "No, it totally makes sense, you've been so lonely ever since Macy cut you off–" 

"Shut up, I cut it off with her." He shakes his head and stands. "You're starting to make me regret it," he warns, though the smile appling his cheeks shows that he's not as serious as he sounds. 

He leaves you there on the couch with that stunning implication, your thoughts racing, and when he comes back it's to act like nothing happened, your lunch nicely plated and an ice cold drink to match. "Try and eat it, okay?" he asks. 

"Sure thing, Dr. Hyde." 

[monkmain2]

I figured if I were to post these pictures here I might as well include the whole thing

extremely long page of text below the cut

his idea has been rattling around in my brain like a little gremlin who just snorted five lines of coke and drank an entire can of monster energy

I was extremely reluctant to actually get this idea out there because my little autism creechur brain was 100% convinced that it was the most cringy shit ever created and i would be violently and incessantly beaten down by the very fact that i had posted something so blasphemous on the internet by my very own conscience

But at this point i feel like there’s no point in keeping it in or else it’ll just infect my brain forever and i’ll never be able to think about anything else so if it is disgustingly cringy i suppose i’ll just have to embrace the cringe and deal with it

Ok fine admittedly if it is cringe i’ll probably just disable reboots and comments on this post and adamantly deny its existence if anyone brings it up

Ok so uh it’s a concept for an alternate UTMV

God this is so fucking cringe i hate it already why am i like this

I don’t even want to keep going why is this so cringe to my gremlin brain

AHEM

So uh

It’s sorta an expansion of that “UTMV but Ink is really fucking short” idea i had a while ago

So like it’s like when Ink tried to destroy his soul it did the refusing to shatter thing for no particular reason other than i couldn’t think of a better way to cobble together an explanation for why he still has one

So it still made all his memories go away but it also reverted him back to the age in which such a mentality would be expected aka a baby

As for how he left his AU after this that’s something that i have to talk about Nightmare and Dream’s weird convoluted story in this AU for you to understand

So unlike normal Dreamtale instead of Dream being a perfect angel that everyone loves and Nightmare being jealous of him he’s a belligerent little shit with anger issues that everyone just kind of puts up with because he’s the guardian of positivity so they can’t really hate him

Nightmare isn’t jealous of him and is instead self-conscious because everyone hates him for no reason even though he’s just a shy bean who’s trying his best and he thinks something must be wrong with him

So one day some kids decide that it would be fun to climb the tree and steal an apple. Nightmare sees them doing this and climbs after them, and they get into a slight scuffle which ends with one kid falling out of the tree with a couple apples. When Nightmare goes to make sure he’s ok, the kid shoves an apple in his mouth for bullying reasons.

Nightmare does the whole explodey goop thing, but he doesn't go crazy or anything, and instead it hurts so much he accidentally thrashes his tentacles too much and levels the whole area, killing the kids and obliterating the tree.

Dream comes running and yells at Nightmare for destroying the tree and killing the kids even though it’s clearly not his fault. And then uuuh i don’t really know the other stuff about Dreamtale after the whole Nightmare eating all the apples part so bing bang boom some shit happens and now Dreamtale is uninhabitable and Dream and Nightmare decide to fuck off and go protect the multiverse instead.

Dream solves all his problems with violence and Nightmare solves his problems by either pretending to have an intent to kill or curling up on the floor and crying. (he just like me fr (i’m totally not projecting here (why would you think such a thing))) also Dream isn’t allowed to enter the Omega timeline for anger management reasons

Some bullshit happens that results in a Swap!Sans exiting his universe right as a reset happens so that’s how i shoehorn Blue into being a character

Also Error is still here by the way he’s still destroying universes and stuff nothing much is different about him

Speaking of Error, at one point he notices Ink’s AU and moseys on over to destroy it as usual. Nightmare and Blue jump in to protect the AU, but when they realize Ink is the only one there, they decide to just distract Error instead of actually fighting him while they get Ink out of there. Blue grabs Ink, and Ink uses his magic AU powers or whatever to sense the coordinates of Blue’s AU and teleports there to get away from Error. After they get Ink to the Doodlesphere, (Error can’t go the the Doodlesphere in this AU) they realise they can’t just dump him in the Omega timeline, because if he gets stressed he’ll read the coordinates of someone's AU and teleport there, and there are so many characters from so many AUs there, it’ll be unreasonably difficult to find him if he does. so they decide that the best course of action is to keep him in the Doodlesphere to protect him from Error themselves.

Oh yeah Ink is also mute for some reason

That’s pretty much it i think

Vaguely related rant time!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly I don't think posting about this will help me stop thinking about it. In order to, like, not get bored in the undertale fandom, you have to constantly make AUs because focusing on one AU doesn't really work unless you want an extremely convoluted story that drags on forever. The only other option is to make an alternate multiverse, so you can just fuck about with no real storyline. But that gets old too after a while, and if I don't have access to drawing tools I just get lost in this one repeating storyline with stupid amounts of angst because it’s not interesting without angst. 

Being in a fandom does kind of stifle your creativity after a while, but the very fact that I'm hyperfixated on undertale makes it hard to tear myself away and try other things even if I know I should. That’s part of the reason I'm trying to get back into writing my wolf story, so I have something else to think about,. the problem with that is, it isn’t an open storyline. I know how it’ll end and what will happen next, so I can't really imagine random circumstances to chuck the characters into since that would never realistically happen in the world I created.

The moral of the story is my school better fix the weird restrictions on every single decent drawing website in existence or I might explode

My god this entire thing spans two and a half pages of a google doc i had to make a new one just to write this without it lagging

[thegeminisage]

I have to know about the dead beat ghost of George Kirk, that lit my brain up. Also Spock on Spock violence either/or. both even?

BOTH IS GOOD. tysm. this got so long don't worry about reading this entire answer lol <3

ok, so, spock on spock violence is a fanfic i conceived when i was deep in the throes of trek last autumn. but i had to wait until i had watched EVERYTHING with nimoy's spock in it before i could begin working on it, and by the time i got there, the steam sort of ran out of my engines. so i'm not sure if it'll ever get done at this point, especially considering i sort of veered back into working on something else. anyway, to general concept of this is - while it's very sweet that in the movies and in real life quinto spock and nimoy spock are friends, it's also. love and light. a little boring. i think that really, spock is an individual who is in many ways at war with himself, and when asked the age-old question "would you fight your clone or fuck him?" would unequivocally choose FIGHT every time

the very basic plot of the fic (which is really just a flimsy excuse for spock and spock to be petty cut-throat bitches at each other) is that post stid quinto spock has been traumatized by 1. the death of his mother 2. the death of his planet 3. the death of his boyfriend (hi, jim) and he's decided to break up with jim and do a kohlinahr so he doesn't have to feel grief anymore (and, with his longer vulcan lifespan, never has to watch jim die) because this shit is killing him. jim thinks this is stupid and nimoy spock also thinks this is stupid so nimoy spock and quinto spock spend a great deal of time hurling insults at one another about it.

there is also a side plot that very vaguely cribs from the tos episode "what are little girls made of?" wherein people are getting replaced by androids, and at one point, quinto spock is tempted by a jim android, because, after all:

an android jim never has to suffer! he never has to die! spock could have and love his boyfriend FOREVER AND EVER and never have to fear the pain of loss ever again! that will totally work and fix everything with absolutely zero problems, right?

since i don't actually have any prose written for this yet, i will provide an excerpt from my notes, edited slightly for clarity:

to quinto spock, nimoy spock is a living example of his every failure and his worst fears. he gave up the good fight against his own internal humanity, he TOOK A HUMAN MATE (gross!), and he allowed/indirectly caused vulcan to be destroyed. nimoy spock, old and at the end of his life, has no one. he's been mourning his jim for longer than they were ever together. the only thing he knows is the unbearable pain of grief. quinto spock fears this kind of pain more than anything. he thinks he is seeing his own future and he is desperate to prevent it via any means possible, even the kolinahr - this timeline can be different, right?

to nimoy spock, quinto spock is a living example of the very worst and most cowardly parts of himself, and wastes all the precious opportunities he has - he makes nimoy spock sick with envy. quinto spock has SO many years left to spend with jim and he's going to WASTE them just because he's afraid of what life will be like without him. worse, he's hurting the person nimoy spock loved most by pushing him away, and it's all his own (nimoy spock's) fault because vulcan was kind of his bad. by allowing vulcan to be destroyed he has ruined not only his future, but also his past. quinto spock is destroying himself from the inside over his misguided prejudice over his own humanity, and his internalized xenophobia or whatever, and he's too young and too stupid to see that the only way to get through it is to GO through it, and he won't listen to the one person he should trust above all others (himself) because he HATES HIMSELF, that's his/their whole problem

like, imagine your entire deal is self-loathing and an abject refusal to accept both halves of your extremely internally conflicted being. and then suddenly there's another version of yourself who can stand next to you, who can be blamed and yelled at (possibly punched?), who is somehow doing an EVEN WORSE JOB at being you than you already are!!!!! you have to watch this other you make mistakes so massive even YOU wouldn't do them and you guys are supposed to NOT fight somehow??

ultimately, this is a fic about confronting grief and pain rather than running away from it, but it also morphed into a kind of fix-it for generations (the movie where kirk bites it in the most underwhelming death scene ever) which turned it into a very full project because those two things are a bit at odds with each other, so i had to reoutline it, but the outline IS all ready to go, i just...haven't gotten around to it yet because i'm working on the other project. i haven't given up on it though!!!

deadbeat ghost of george kirk is essentially a story about how completely useless it is to have a ghost for a dad. not a literal ghost, it's not that kind of story, but despite how affecting the opening of the 2009 movie is, we have to contend with the sad reality that if you grow up without a dad there is a high risk of simply becoming chris pine's kirk. like, that's why he's like that, right? hard truths. i only have about 800 words of this and it's quite likely it will never be finished or posted, but every time someone says something horrible to me in real life about my dead dad (happens more often than you think) i add another rage-fueled paragraph. an excerpt (content warning for child abuse and suicidal ideation):

What's so heroic about it, anyway? Jim's dad didn't die to save eight hundred lives; he died to save two, and counted the other seven hundred ninety-eight as a happy bonus. And what became of those two people? His mother a chronically offworld functional alcoholic, married to a chronically on-world nonfunctional alcoholic, whose favorite hobby is hitting his wife's sons with his belt and whose second favorite hobby is seeing which bones he can break with his steel-toed boots. Jim himself, sent to the hell that was Tarsus IV for driving a car off a cliff, who at eleven years old had already been jaded enough to consider just going off the cliff with it. Would George Kirk do it again the same way, if he could somehow know how the world turned without him in it? Would he think it was a fair trade? Either the answer is no and he was an idiot who threw away his life for nothing, or the answer is yes and he was an asshole. Either way, it hardly amounts to heroism. What good is a dead father to anybody? They can't turn up at the school play or the track meets. They can't teach you to tie a tie or throw a punch at bullies or slip you your first beer or bring you birthday gifts. You can't give a Father's Day card to an empty grave, not if you're saying anything true. All the cards say things like Thanks for being there for me, Dad!, and all Jim knows about his father is that there is the one place he wasn't. See, Jim has been in space, which is quite literally the absence of everything. He's also been on Tarsus IV, a planet where people got so hungry they started hacking limbs off of corpses to soothe the absolute absence of food in their stomach. And yet, for all that, the absence of George Kirk is the keenest absence he's ever known.

let people send you an ask with the WIP title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!

[badassfetish]

I think I understand now why Ian didn't want to admit the bipolar disorder. When you fight, lie, manipulate, hurt people, even if not intentionally, blaming your mental illness can't be your way out of everything. You can't just do shit and be like "oh it wasn't me, it was my mental illness" and still keep doing it. Ian never liked the victim role. He wanted to own his decisions, even the poor ones. Hell, I can even see now why he was breaking up with Mickey.

You get to a point where you realize the damage, the chaos, the circus burning down to pieces. But in your mind you think "People always had the choice to leave. To say no. To not accept my behavior" So... Is it still your fault when others had the choice? People love the victim role, but are you a victim when you're presented with a choice and you choose to stay within clear conditions?

Many of us have been in a relationship with a narcissist/bipolar/borderline, you know the drill. Emotional blackmail after emotional blackmail. And why did you choose to stay? Because of the good part. You sacrifice a few things in order to have the thrill, the emotion, because they're usually "too much", for the good and for the bad, but that makes you feel alive, more alive than ever before.

And when things go to shit, you blame them. "I sacrificed so much for you!" yes you did, but you had your paycheck too, didn't you? Or you forgot the good part that happened after the sacrifice? Ah, you see, when people fight, their memories become selective. Let's make a fine selection of every moment I felt bad and ignore the good ones.

If you pay attention, any relationship will have sacrifices, the difference is that MOST relationships will be lame as fuck, because most people are in a coma, like a fcking zombie or some shit. The good part is not even that good, it's just... regular.

I know right, you're pointing at the screen saying "My relationship is not "regular", it's balanced, it's healthy, it's not a roller coaster" and I'll ask you - Is that other relationship a roller coaster or is it you that don't know how to self regulate under stress? Be honest. You date slugs because it makes easier for you not to put the effort to learn how to self-regulate, much less regulate your partner.

Ian says to Mickey "You can't fix me, I'm not broken, I don't need to be fixed ok? I am me" he's presenting Mickey a choice - Either you take me as I am without meds, or bye. And Mickey knows what will happen if he doesn't take the pills. Mickey came out for him, lost his father's admiration forever coming out, had to endure a million shitty situations for Ian, but he loved him and knew the sacrifice was worth it, but Ian wasn't going to wait around to hear that, he knew eventually they would fight and Mickey could throw the bipolar thing on his face (like he did on a deleted scene) and that would be forcing him into a victim role, which Ian wasn't going to take it.

Of course those disorders and personalities have a lot more than just the emotional roller coaster. They go along with behaviors that will physically hurt or put people (or themselves) in danger. My goal here is just to point out that Ian didn't feel like he was a threat to anyone, therefore he didn't need the meds. The perspective of a person with a mental illness very often is blurred by an illusion of self-control, and unless you do know how to self-regulate, you'll blame the mental ill every single time.

[krikeymate]

I love your double whammies so 

prompt: 

Tara gets her wisdom teeth out and Sam has to get her back to the apartment and in bed as she’s coming off of the laughing gas. Chaos ensues. 

I gave the inverse to Tee :) 

Catch the mirrorverse over here. Take your bets, which one of us is the evil twin?

“Sam.”

“Yes, love?”

“NO! I want Sam!”

Tara struggles, unsuccessfully, in the taller girl’s arms.

After damn near half a year of suffering, mostly in silence, Sam had gotten the truth out of her about her sister’s grumpy mood and poor appetite, and made a dentist appointment. A short hour later, and $300 poorer, Tara was down two wisdom teeth, and Sam was making the difficult trek home with her unsteady little sister.

“I am Sam, dummy.”

“Nu-uh!”

God Sam wishes she was filming this.

For posterity.

And payback.

It would make such good payback next time Tara decides to be a little shit.

Alas.

“Ok then,” she struggles to say beneath the laughter bubbling up in her throat and the elbow she catches in the stomach, “who am I then?”

The question seems to stump her little sister, taking up all the brain power she has access to, giving Sam a blissful four minutes where Tara is quiet and complacent.

“A kidnapper,” she eventually blurts out with a matter-of-fact tone more concerned with being right than about what she’s actually suggesting.

“A kidnapper?”

Sam hums in delight.

This is what life is about, she thinks.

This, this, right here, is something she could have never imagined in her wildest dreams when she was younger. Heck, even a couple of years ago, holding her sister’s hand in an ambulance, promising never to let go… she never could have foreseen where it would take them.

Tara in her arms, high as a kite, and calling for Sam. Out of her mind and all she wants is her sister.

She’s never felt so loved.

Tara always manages to show her in the funniest of ways.

But then again, they’ve never been a normal family. Why should the way they love be any different?

“I’shud warn you,” Tara says, tripping over her own feet as they turn the final corner before home. “My sister is gonna kick your ass.”

“Oh yeah?” Sam mutters absent-mindedly as she keeps her girl from face-planting the floor.

“Yup,” Tara continues, unaware of her near-brush with the pavement. “She’s real good with a knife, an’ she doesn’t like it when people touch me. She’ll cut your hands off!”

Sam snorts at the declaration.

“Damn, better get you home then.”

She wrestles with the door to the apartment block, catching Tara’s hand just a moment too late to stop her swiping every button on the buzzer box.

“Shit,” she mutters under her breath, grabbing Tara around the waist and lifting her into the air. ‘The walk home will sober her up’, my ass, she muses, as her sister whines in her hold.

Sam walks them quickly the elevator, Tara perched on her hip like they’re a decade younger and haven’t been through unspeakable horrors, before anyone thinks to investigate the asshole messing with the intercom system. She really doesn’t need the neighbours to hate them any more than they already do.

A couple of murders happen one time and they hold it against you forever!

It wasn’t their fault.

But what do they care, judgemental busy-bodies with nothing better to do.

Speaking of, there she is, Mrs Shepherd, glaring beneath her glasses, heavy on the judgement. Lingering in her doorway, as always.

“I was kidnapped,” Tara whispers, loudly, over Sam’s shoulder as she hurries to unlock the door.

Oh jesus.

“She wasn’t–” Sam’s quick to correct, spinning on her heels… door across the way now closed and hallway empty.

“Aaand she’s gone. Thanks Tara.”

“You’re welcome,” she chirps back.

The apartment gossip mill will be thriving tonight.

Sam shakes her head, unable to hold back a smile. She can’t bring herself to care. “Home sweet home,” she declares, pushing the apartment door open with her foot.

“Sammy,” Tara whines, head pillowed on Sam’s shoulder and nudging at her jaw.

“Yes, love?” Sam murmurs, nudging the door shut and eyeing the locks for a moment.

“Feel sick.”

More pressing matters first.

“Let’s get you to bed, you can lie down for a while.”

They’re safe, the locks can wait.

It’s something Sam’s been working on. Feeling safe.

The suggestion to leave the door unlocked during the day when they’re home had been a stupid one if you ask Sam.

She wouldn’t entertain it at all if the suggestion hadn’t been made in their joint therapy session.

If Sam were a paranoid person, and she is, she’d almost think that their therapists were colluding together. Why else would the most suspicious of advice be set out in their joint sessions, where Sam has no choice but to follow the homework set if she wants to provide a good example for her sister.

God she fucking hates therapy.

How many years, and how much progress?

Shit.

“Tara honey, you have to let go,” she murmurs as she tries to deposit Tara on her bed.

“Stay with me,” she whines, clinging tighter. “Don’t want you to go.”

Sam sighs. Inside her, a silent war wages, as always.

“I’m not going anywhere, darling.”

It was never a choice.

“Good, the kidnapper might come back, always safe with you here.”

“Oh my god.”

[polyamorousmood]

hi! i'd love to get some sympathy/advice/etc from other ppl about this. so long story short my girlfriend (wonderful amazing great i am so happy with her) has a boyfriend, and i at first their rs was meant to be ephemeral, but then things changed and they realized they could make a longform commitment work out, so they tried! problem is, during the trial run, the guy realized poly wasnt working for him and he failed to communicate this well, so it caused a situation where he was very much just fishing for my partner to get in a closed rs with him. when she expressed how hurtful and wrong that was, he apologized and changed his behavior and after some more various ups and downs we've now settled into a pretty good situation where he's giving polyamory a serious try and seems sincerely committed to making it good! i trust my gf wholeheartedly and i want nothing but the best for them both, and for that brief period of time where it was ok we even had 3person dates and really special interactions, so i came to sincerely like guy a decent bit and i am cautiously but sincerely optimistic. however, by having to admit shit to himself, he's now of the mind that he'd like a much more segmented-off rs with my partner, which is fine, but also the resentment he felt towards not being able to have my gf all to himself made him lose his positive feelings towards me and now he expresses a (his words) 'goodwilled indifference' and we havent even Talked since he tried to effectively ultimatum my gf out of being poly. and that is just SO hurtful when i know i did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant the loss of what i felt was a genuinely precious and positive connection, and like, the first time ive had the chance to have a metamour! like as someone who really cares about learning how to admit fault i really cannot stress enough how much i didnt do jack shit here i was just vibing and trying to be nice and now it's just this sad thing i have to deal with. i know it has everything to do with his own preferences and insecurities and nothing to do with me, but i still feel a big child-like sense of betrayal and injustice and it makes me want to be mean and bitter and defensive ("well if you dont give a shit about me and wanna pretend i don't exist, then im gonna do the same! how do you like that, huh?" type beat). i know those feelings are to be worked with and worked through instead of acted upon, but it's still hard :-( i dont really miss *him*, really, i just miss not being in a polycule that has a member who struggles so much with polyamory. and though i trust her deeply, i am still sad and worried that this is a precarious situation that can end up hurting my partner and hampering her ability to feel free and happy in polyamory, which only adds to my mistrusting of the guy. anyone else in a similar situation, havin' to work with a poly-newbie metamour or something similar? im not crazy for getting bad vibes, despite my best hopes for them? thank you either way, i dont know enough poly people irl and ive been bursting with this shit for a bit so it helps even to just ramble it out

Yeah, I've been in similar places. Just putting the read more immediately because I don't have a good pithy introduction. But uh, TL;DRI guess? 🤷‍♀️: its totally fair for you to struggle with some negative feelings. But you are still in it together (even if he's pretending you don't exist) and the only way to the other side is through.

Its shitty, its exhausting, its infuriating. And it's all the more frustrating that you like... don't even WANT to be mad at him cause he DID apologize and now he IS trying to change the shitty parts, so you WANT to encourage that. Feels very

And it puts your mutual partner in the tough spot of having to balance⚖️ things between you two if he's unwilling to talk to you. And like, you're stuck waiting for him to come around, you can't even really DO anything, its all on HIM to prove he's not going to be an asshole forever.

And you kinda resent him for causing this much trouble basically all on his own! And then thinking he can still get all the good shit after stirring the pot! Like he tried to break you up and now you have to be the bigger person?? What kinda bullshit--

Fucking. Sucks.

I do have some advice, though as with most things, its not magic 🪄

🤬Be mad for a little bit! Allow yourself to feel it. You're not gonna wallow 🐖there, but let it hit you full force how much you dislike being in this bullshit situation. Maybe have a cry about it or throw some darts at his picture 🎯. Then, and only then,

Set it aside. Set the anger aside in your mind, set the situation aside in your discussions. Say "yup, sucks. Moving on..." and enjoy the good parts of your life.

As part of that, remember polyamory is a big ask for people who've never done it before. Him even just politely ignoring you is likely, in his mind, him compromising on everything he's believed in for years and the fundamentals of what his life will look like. That's a big deal. It's hard to do after there was previously a higher standard set, but try to give him some credit for that anyway. (Again. You are probably going to have to Be Mad first to be able to do this. That's okay. Don't skip ahead.)

I don't think having approximately the same attitude back is necessarily a bad strategy. Maybe don't do it with the petulance you presented in the ask 😝 but if you're able to just gently, non-judgmentally accept neutrality as a mode of operating with him... might save you a lot of trouble honestly🤷. Warmth is great and all, but I think it runs the risk of you burning out and feeling greater resentment down the line if it stays one sided (but you know yourself better than I do, so if you can handle it, power to you).

Know your feelings about this really well. Know what you're good with 👍, know what bothers you but you're willing to do for the good of the polycule😖, and know what really upsets you👎. Is this something you can make work long term? What changes would you need to have it work long term (including progress from him, accommodations from your partner, etc)?

Consider confronting him directly. You'll know better if that's actually a good idea in this situation than I will, but consider it. It may help you move past things to air your feelings, it may help him understand you better and vice versa, and it may lay the groundwork for a more functional relationship down the line. I must admit bias here. It is VERY important to me that things can be relaxed with my metas. The idea of refusing to engage with me feels like they're refusing to engage with the very concept of polyamory, and I that cannot work in my life - like, I run a poly blog you can guess how I value polyamory 😂 If you can be comfortable with something closer to parallel polyamory, this may be unnecessary.

And of course, through all of this, you have to talk to your partner. All of it. If you have a tendency to martyr yourself so as not to stress your partner out, overpower that tendency for this one. You are NOT doing your partner any favors by doing bottling it up. 🍾

For example, earlier I said your partner is going to have to balance things between you and your meta. It may be tempting to think you can spare her some of that by shrinking your feelings and needs, so maybe you'll just bite your tongue. However, she has to do the work anyway, and forcing her to work with incomplete information actually makes the balancing that much harder. While you shouldn't harp on them about it, she should know where you're at in all this. You owe your partner the ability to make informed decisions, and your happiness and ability to sustain a certain set-up is going to be an important factor to them! Tell them your misgivings, tell them if its going to take you some time to forgive him his bullshit, tell them if you are okay with something in the short term but don't know if you can spring it long term, tell them if you need a break from thinking about the whole damn situation. (And of course, as always, tell your partner when something feels good or is going well 😊)

It can be recovered. It will require patience. Hang in there. 🤗 I admire your commitment to figuring it out, and it sounds like you have a splendid partner who is just as committed to making it workable. I'm rooting for you all 💙💖🖤

[all-pacas]

DIAGNOSTIC OLYMPICS, SEASON 2, EPISODES 19-24

S1: part one, part two, part three

S2: part one, part two

Hi! I was curious about who on House (besides House) gets the most diagnoses right. Other folks have already run a tally (it's Chase), but I was curious how other factors would influence the tally — whose ideas get run with, who manages treatment, who screws up… So I thought I'd keep score.

1 point for getting the answer. This is almost always going to be House.

.5 points for Valuable Contribution — stuff that isn't the final answer, but either is thought to be the final answer or is valuable to the solving of the case. Stuff like "noticing something on the MRI" doesn't count; things like "figuring out how to treat" does.

-.5 to -1 for Mistakes — stuff that delays or prevents diagnoses, injuring or killing patients, etc.

HOUSE VS GOD DIAGNOSES: Tuberous Scleroses / Herpes

+1 CHASE: Suggests tuberous sclerosis, which ends up being correct. House gives himself a point in the House vs God board for it, but Chase’s idea first. And the way I see it, if House gives himself points for it, Chase gets one too. (Although, I do feel like Chase suggests this one a lot. It’s his lupus.) +1 HOUSE: Realizes the patient has herpes as well. +.5 WILSON: Gets to flex his manipulation muscles again in this episode, both in the poker game and with the patient and his father. Moral points off for fucking one of his own patients, but you can’t win ‘em all I guess.

EUPHORIA PT1 & PT2 DIAGNOSES: Brain-eating amoeba

PART ONE: +.5 CHASE: Immediately guesses CO poisoning despite the guy collapsing outside, and a blood test proves him right, even if it doesn’t turn out to be the problem. Only a half a point because it ended up being an irrelevant win, it had nothing to do with the case. +.5 CAMERON: I’m giving her the point for wanting to go back to the apartment, fully knowing the risk, even before Foreman stabbed her. +0 HOUSE: Thinks Legionnaire’s, which turns out to be correct, if not the issue. He also realizes the patient has been feeding pigeons based on some bread. This would get him a +1, but he also destroys an MRI machine because he refuses to believe bullets are magnetic. Very funny, very dumb. -1 FOREMAN: He stabbed Cameron with a dirty needle! Earlier in the episode he refused to help the patient while the dude was bleeding to death, but that’s OK — Foreman was in the midst of his Giddy Symptoms, not in his right mind. When he stabs Cameron, he’s ‘sober,’ and he while he is guilty he also justifies it as “it saved my life.” Guilt means he knows it was wrong. We count “exposing people to deadly diseases” as a demerit, actually.

PART TWO:

+1 HOUSE: Finally realizes it’s a parasite in the water. Was also willing to sacrifice Steve for the cause. +1 CUDDY: Even though House, Foreman, and Cameron give her shit for it, not letting them autopsy the cop after he died was the right move. Like yeah, asshole move, but they didn’t know what he had, and House wanted to give him an icepick lobotomy? +0 CAMERON: Does a good job as medical proxy. Even if she feels guilty about the super dangerous biopsy, it was what Foreman wanted; no demerits. None for him either, as he was actively dying and all.

FOREVER DIAGNOSES: Celiac disease.

+1 HOUSE: Figures out both that the patient has a vitamin-deficiency causing psychosis, that she and her son had Celiac, AND that she has cancer. +0 FOREMAN: House is right to be kind of annoyed with him this episode: he guesses early on that the patient is mentally ill, and is right, and then shrugs and backs off in the name of his new positive attitude. Nothing he does makes things worse, but he doesn’t help much either. +0 CHASE: Although this is his second patient to die this season, this really wasn’t his fault: the baby survived two murder attempts and was barely holding on as it was. BABY REVENGE: In S1 when the baby dies, Cameron is told to tell the parents, and her first response is “Chase should do it.” In this episode, when House tells Chase to biopsy the dead baby, his first response is “make Cameron do it.”

WHO’S YOUR DADDY DIAGNOSES: Fungus

+1 HOUSE: Is it just me, or is this episode just really bad? Anyway, they spend it running around chasing leads and symptoms, only landing on fungus towards the end, and only figuring out which specifically by asking.

NO REASON DIAGNOSES: N/A

FINAL S2 TALLY:

HOUSE: 36 (+4) TEAM: 5.5 (+0) FOREMAN: 2 (-1) CHASE: 5 (+1.5) CAMERON: 4 (+.5)

It's still shocking to me how low Foreman is; I'm really starting to wonder if I'm missing something or counting things unfairly. He does do a lot in every episode, it's not like he's not pulling his weight — he just doesn't get a lot of final diagnoses's or guess correctly much. He also makes the most mistakes of the team by far, not in terms of medical screw ups but in terms of "being an asshole and making things worse."

Cameron has remained solid, getting a lot of half points and not a ton of demerits, but Chase, surprisingly, is starting to pull ahead. I say surprisingly because it's a sort of commonly known fact that he does get the most right after House, but I really thought that was due to his upcoming S3 streak. I mean, this is the season where he killed someone!

Team is a hard one to judge, and should maybe be higher. There's a whole bunch of episodes where no one has any strong theories or they're just chasing symptoms; arguably those are team wins since no one person takes the lead. But IDK.

[anintrovertwriter]

Vinicius imagine, Forever support

I just came home after my running session. I had to keep healthy and in form, and even though Vini didn’t really like me going to run alone, I still did it. Going into the gym room on my own was impossible. I didn’t have the motivation to face it alone if I didn’t have my teacher, my handsome personal trainer.

I rushed in the shower, and when I came back, my phone was buzzing with me being tagged on Ig stories or with texts, posts about Vinicius during the press conference. Worry came.

My phone wasn’t used to this many notifications. I was used to receiving more since dating Vini, but not at this point. I was getting more and more intrigued. I wouldn’t have been if it was him but he couldn't because he didn’t have access to his phone at this time of day. We facetimed each other every morning and every night, even though we’ve been separated for just a few days. Even if he was still in Spain. It was our ritual.

He was currently for the week with the Brazilian national team for two games : one in London and the other in Sevilla against Spain.

I was supposed to come in the afternoon before the game, but everything changed the moment I left the shower.

I was quick to open the stories, and my heart broke. There was my man crying, after answering questions about racism and the situation he had to face at almost every game. Seeing him so emotional, breaking down and fighting the tears, but it was too strong, too much pain that needed to explode.

“ Solo quiero jugar al fútbol. Solo quiero jugar. Solo quiero hacerlo todo por mi club, por mi familia.”

It was too strong to carry on his own, all this hate. I never understood it , and never will. How can people be so cruel over others ? To the point of chants and a hung doll over a bridge. Cruelty beyond understatement.

So as soon as I saw that, I finished my suitcase crying for my man and took the first train to Seville, where they were staying during the international break.

On my way, I called Rodrygo, who luckily answered. He was the Brazilian I was the closest to, we were seeing each other a lot and he became my friend too. He confirmed my boyfriend’s current state, and showed me Vini’s room. I wouldn't have made it without him, so I mentally noted to thank him properly once back in Madrid. I was afraid of not being welcomed at the hotel, but they understood the situation.

It has only been a few day’s separation, but I still miss him like crazy, as always. The house felt empty without his laugh, I felt empty as well.

Rodrygo and I chatted briefly in the hotel before his physio appointment and I was finally in front of Vini’s room. I took a deep breath and knocked, worried about how I would find him.

A quiet “ Entra” was heard and I let myself in.

Laid down on his bed with his training kit on, he was scrolling on his phone. Tiredness mixed with sadness readable on his face.

He looked up, wondering about who could be there.

A few seconds passed, he was quick to change into shock, surprise and a small smile. I didn’t give him the time to get up and I knocked him down with all my strength, which was nothing compared to him.

Vinicius buried his face in my neck, his hands around my body. I felt a loving kiss under my ear and he managed, easily, to make me get back. We looked at each other.

“ Amor, what are you doing here ? Are you ok ?”

Silly him, to think about me instead of him.

“ I’m fine. I just wanted to see you, after what happened.

He sighed before guiding me to sit next to him.

I am so sorry bêbe, I said, taking his hand into mine.

It’s not your fault.

I know, but I feel so mad and sad. You don’t deserve that. No one does.

He looked at me, eyes so sad it broke my heart once more.

Maybe I got what I deserved.

Don’t ever say you’re not worth it, because that’s a horrible lie. Look what you've achieved. From Brazil to become one of the greatest football players. You use your visibility to raise your voice about something that should never exist. You have all the right to speak about your feelings, because no one should have suffered the way you do. It’s ok to fight it, because it is unbearable. I’ve never experienced it myself, but seeing you affected is unbearable. I am hurt too, but I can’t fully understand your feelings. If you’re hurt, I’m hurt. If you cry I cry. Despite everything, I believe and have faith in humanity. I’m sure we can change things, life and mentality. All together.

I breathed deeply after what could have been a speech. He was used to my rantings, but not such as this one. And I wasn’t done.

Baby, you are not alone. I’m with you. Always. If it had to be us against the world, then so be it.

He looked at me for a few seconds, smiled with gleamed eyes and simply said

Eu te amo.

Meu amor, te amo mais que tudo.

Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and sad, without his confidence made my heart shatter.

So I did what I thought was best, dropping everything to be with him. Like we always did. Talking about it, even if it was hard , he had to take some of the pain out. It was too much of a burden to carry alone. He thought it but he knew deep down he had me.

“ No one should be racially insulted because you are better than them on and outside the pitch. You are a wonderful person Vinícius José Paixão de Oliveira Júnior. And I'll be more than proud to recall you everyday. “

I took a deep breath, and he let me silent before kissing me fiercely. He held my jaw and kept me close to him, like I’d ever wanted to leave his embrace.

“ I would marry you right now if I could.

My joking baby is back, I said, glad to see his smile on his face again.

I’m not kidding, I will marry you you know Y/N, he said all serious.

I can’t wait then, I said kissing his nose.”

We stayed in each other's arms for a while, our breathing the only thing heard.

“ Where are you staying tonight? You’re not coming home are you ?

No, I took all my stuff and went there as soon as I heard. I didn't think of a hotel to be honest, all I was thinking was you.

He smiled and pecked me.

O seleccionador wouldn't let you there, sadly, but I’m gonna ask the assistant to find you a hotel.

That would be great, thanks love.

Thank you anjo.

Me ? What for ? I’ve done nothing.

On the contrary. Thank you for dropping everything to come to me. for caring for me, for loving, for supporting me no matter what.

Always

Eu te amo.

Eu te amo coração. And you’ll have to score to show the world you are the best footballer in the universe

I’ll do my best amor.

And of course he did it, scored and celebrated to prove all the haters wrong, that he was stronger than them. He didn’t forget his signature heart and kiss on his wrist, where my initials laid all inked, and pointed me in the stands. I couldn't be prouder of my man.

[sleepy0s]

The Ariana Griande concert

Havent written Ariana much so lemme know any tips!

Some au facts for this certain one-shot

Allay Grian! (I felt like Allay grian made the most sense to be a singer cos there like musical??)

His voice sounds different due to Allay stuff- makes it higher pitched?

Hermits know he's an Allay but no one knows he's Ariana Griande (Not even pearl- very important for this)

I've decided. When Grian is just grian he is he/they and when he's being Ariana Griande has she/they

This is my longest one yet! (1303 words)

—---------------------------------------

“Pearl! Pearl! I got them!” Gem came sprinting round the corner, clutching four tickets in her hands

 “Let me see!” Scar pushed Pearl to the side wanting to see the tickets, 

“Gem! You're the best!How did you get four VIP tickets?!” If Scars Vex wings worked then you best believe he would be floating

. “I have friends.” She smiled, handing the tickets out to her friends before pocketting her own. “We are forever in your debt Gem.” Scar bowed down, almost hitting Mumbo in the nose on his way back up. 

“What are you doing?” The voice made all four jump, having not noticed Grian get closer, the small allay was trying to climb Mumbo to see what was in his hands but was failing due to the suit material. “Gem just got us V.I.P tickets!” He made sure to take a pause after each letter in VIP, Grian just looked at him, sliding down the suit. “To who?” 

“Ariana Griande, of course!” Pearl responded before Mumbo could.

Now, they’re not sure what they expected from Grian but it certainly wasn’t for him to lay on the floor and sigh in what seemed to be sadness, “Grian?? You all good down there?” Gem put her arm out to help him get up- he took this as a chance to climb onto Gems shoulders instead, whatever her fault. “Yep. I'm fine.” Scar however seemed offended that Grian had responded this way to such an idol, “G, do you not like Ariana? She is the best idol in the world and you need to agree.” Grians response was a sad sigh as he hopped of Gems shoulder and fluttered towards his base. (Can you blame the guy tho? He just found out four of his friends were going to be at his concert, pressure much.)

~ ~ ~

Ok, so it turns out Gem is Amazing. They had front row seats to the concert and would be able to see everything perfectly, she had managed to get her hands on some merch so all four were decked out.

Gem was wearing a nice laced white shirt with a baby pink skirt, her hair was put high pigtails (One of Ariana's signature hairstyles) with two bows clipped on.

Pearl was wearing a pink shoulderless shirt, a bandana wrapped around her wrist, and her hair had been put into a plait with pink ribbon.

Mumbo was wearing pink glasses (Vampires don't do well with the lights), he had a pink jacket on which was covered with pins.

Scar, who was arguably the most enthusiastic, was rocking a pink cowboy hat, heart shaped glasses, a half buttoned up white and pink striped shirt (Think limited life) and had a bag covered in pins, bandanas and keychains.

So yea. They were decked out.

~ ~ ~

They had gotten there early and had been waiting for around half an hour (Though all would claim it was worth it) and now, finally the lights were dimming around the stadium  signalling the start was near, all the chatter quieted down as people looked to the stage. 

“I'm so excited!” Scar whispered from beside Mumbo

“Scar shush. I'm concentrating.” Pearl elbowed him, making him shush,.Just in time as well because suddenly a bright pink light appeared on the stage and a platform rose from underneath the stage, and there she was! Ariana Griande rose from the stage, wearing a sleeveless white shirt and a gorgeous red and pink skirt, her hair was put in high pigtails with ribbons wrapped around. It was genius really, the pink she had claimed as ‘hers’ matched the light blue of her wings and the small horns in between her hair.

“Good evening Ladies, Gents, Hybrids and Humans!” The four screamed at her entrance, waving their hands in the hopes she would notice them, “I hope everyones having a lovely night, and hopefully you're happy to be here!” She began walking to the front of the stage waving at audience members as she spoke, “We have an action packed night ahead of us, so first let’s just have a little talk!” She gave a young girl a high five, causing the girl to scream, someone threw a poster up luckily, Ariana caught it before it hit her, “Guys, please don't throw stuff.” Ariana began talking and walking again, just chatting normally as if one would with a friend about how her day had been and occasionally pointing the mic towards someone else to let them respond. 

She got to Scar, Mumbo, Pearl and Gem and gave them each a high five and smile, and honestly they looked like they were on the edge of passing out. “All right everyone! I think it's time we start!” 

~ ~ ~

The concert was around 2 hours long and honestly they wished it was longer. But now it was time for the best part. “We get to meet her!? Gem I dont think ive said it enough but you're amazing.” Pearl was smiling madly, hugging Gem as if she was going to disappear, “Yep, Yep I know- pearl. I can't. Breath.” Pearl immediately let go, making sure she was okay before running to go find the VIP line. “Pearl, wait up!” Mumbo called after her.

The three met her at the line, she had gotten near the front and was talking to one of the body guards, who seemed to know her? “Pearl! We're here!” Gem waved her hands in the air to get Pearl's attention as they got closer. 

“Ah! You guys made it! Look, meet my friend Martyn!” The three introduced themselves to Pearl's friend, “Martyn I wish we could talk longer but it's nearly our turn!” Martyn just laughed and gave Pearl a hug, promising that they would have to meet up sometime.

Scar dragged them forwards once it was their turn to meet Ariana Griande.

“Hello! Welcome, it's lovely to meet you!” Ariana smiled at them happily, from where she was sitting. “Hello! We are such big fans!!” Gem led the group to sit on the seats opposite Ariana. “It's great to see you so enthusiastic. Is there anything you'd like? I can do signatures, photos, could just chat, or really anything you’d like- under reason of course.”  There were probably loads of things she shouldn't do, but c'mon. They were gonna do anything bad. Hopefully. “Can you sign our photos? Please??” Mumbo had been put in charge of holding all four photos, and happily handed them over to Ariana to sign them. “I am so going to brag about this to Grian.” Scar said, causing Ariana to chuckle, The five talked for a bit, it was mainly just questions like if she had any pets, her favourite song she had made, just the normal things you ask your Idol. But obviously others needed a go so they had to leave, “Would you guys like a picture before you leave?” Ariana asked,

“Yes please!” Scar answered for the group as they all stood up to take the photo.

“Alright! Have a lovely night you guys! I hope to see you at the next concert!” Ariana smiled happily at them as they left the Private room, and headed back to the hub.

~ ~ ~

Scar popped around Grians base the next morning, poor lad looked exhausted. What had he been up to whilst they were at the concert? 

“Griannn!” He called out in a sing-songy voice, “Guess what I gottt”

Grian just sighed, rolling over and looking at scar, who was proudly showing off his Signed Ariana Griande poster. 

Grian rolled back over, “Scar, that's great and I love you. BUT. Its 5am go back to sleep.” Scar laughed a bit before wishing Grian a good sleep and leaving his base, promising to tell Grian all about the concert once he was more awake

[conanssummerchild]

my own ranking of every rick and morty episode, inspired by the lovely @fandomwe1rd0 :3

sorry this is a bit scattered, the random quotes are just lines that i liked/found funny. i had to shorten all my reasonings by a fuck ton bcs i was just going on forever lmao, so if some things feel kinda cut off, that's why.

i binged all of rick and morty in like a week to make this, just to make sure the ranking was fully accurate to me and it took me way to long but i'm finally done !!

btw this isnt a ranking of which episodes are objectively the best, its very biased and just my personal opinions, im aware some epsiodes definitely shouldnt be as high as they are but a lot of them are just my comfort episodes 🤷

f tier: episodes i actively dislike, have little to no redeeming qualities.

71. rickdependance spray: audibly said "oh, fuck no." when i realised this was next. the rest of weird-ish episodes have some redeeming points but this one just has no plot relevance and isnt very funny.

70. raising gazorpazorp: main reason i dislike this episode is the end credit, it reminds me of when i was listening to family line and my dad insinuated conan was making it up and that if i got famous i'd do the same, like, no, if i talk abt what a shitty dad you are its bcs you were a shitty dad, do better. anyway i just thought it was an unfunny joke. due to daddy issues. also its just a boring episode.

69. a rickconvenient mort: summer and rick's storyline was ok but not enough to make up for how much i hate planetina. i liked beth in this episode. rick and summer's dynamic was nice too, but unhealthy.

e tier: episodes i don't dislike, just find boring/have bad elements but more redeeming qualities.

68. m. night shaym-aliens!: the little crystal wrestle was adorable. other than that not a super memorable episode.

67. rise of the numbericons: the movie: i didn't hate it but compared to the rest of s7 it was pretty weak. i think mr goldenfold is funny, but not enough to get his own episode. it would've been more entertaining if rick was in it lets be real, i missed him.

66. interdimensional cable 2: tempting fate: i care very little about jerry's penis. the interdimensional cable was good as usual though.

65. how poopy got his poop back: fine episode, not my fav. i liked seeing bp and squanchy again.

64. edge of tomorty: rick die rickpeat: "Damn, Morty, you're bad at maths, but I'm giving you an a-plus in confidence!" an okay episode.

63. rick: a mort well lived: pretty weak episode to follow solaricks. summer's die hard was good. some cool emotional components.

62. rattlestar ricklactia: "Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset about the whole snake encounter thing, so I'll tell you what. I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you for the rest of the day." rnm were kind of cute at the end. yk, until rick punched morty in the face :/.

61. the jerrick trap: sorry ik a lot of ppl love this episode but tho burger & fries were cute characters its not all that for me. memory rick's return, however, was all that. i love him.

60. childrick of mort: "Oh my god, grandpa, you fuck boy." rick being a space nerd <3. loved to see more of beth and rick together but other than that this episode was kinda mid.

59. amortycan grickfitti: honestly made me feel bad for jerry which isnt easy, i sort of liked rick here, he seemed reluctant to let the hell demons make fun of jerry, he still did, but even apologised with only a little prompting. can't say the same for beth. summer and morty were sweet in this episode, i wish we would get more of them.

58. rickmancing the stone: "I don't know why I'm crying." "Well... try crying 15% less?" not bad, i liked the emotional components.

57. mortynight run: again, not super memorable to me. the roy montage was good. You kind of wasted your 30's, though, with that whole birdwatching phase." the animation for the song was great.

d tier: mostly okay to good episodes with minor faults that i can look past in the general scheme of the episode.

56. one crew over the crewcoo's morty: fucked up what rick did to morty. and to mr pb, his life went to shit after this, bcs of rick.

55. night family: had some great moments, but wasnt my fav.

54. anatomy park: loved dr bloom, john oliver voiced him perfectly.

53. lawnmower dog: sweet scenes between rnm. liked the dream inceptor, loved scary terry, snuffles was good too but not as much.

52. claw and hoarder: special ricktims morty: "Are you gonna slay it?" "First off, i always slay it, queen. Secondly, yes." summer being on morty's side was nice. while the soul orgy was a bit weird, the rest of this episode was pretty entertaining which is why its higher up, sorry.

51. bethic twinstinct: jerry saying he would khs, not cool jerry fuck you. "You ladies discuss responsibility while i get stoned and play video games with your kids." the end 💀 i felt bad but it was funny lol.

50. final desmitation: maybe my fav ep of jerry and rick's relationship. i liked seeing rick disapprove of them making fun of jerry, had some funny moments and i even liked jerry here.

49. a rick in king mortur's mort: not the best but i enjoyed rickbot being nice to morty. also this episode sets up for rmrm which i love.

48. promortyus: morty's little yee-haw 😭. and their conversation, so sweet. taking the adderall line as an adhd rick confirmation. "It is my thing. Just like yours is dying alone," get his ass. i feel like the romance couldve been a compelling story if the hosts werent rnm.

47. the whirly dirly conspiracy: rick's take on jerry was accurate. "But no, like father like goddamn daughter! You wanna be like Rick? Congratulations, you're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!" morty ate. i prefered summer and beths storyline to rick and jerry's.

c tier: solid, episodes, some have a few faults but theyre small

46. mort: ragnarick: it's so high up because i found rick to be likeable and liked his dynamic with morty. ricks clone was cute too.

45. look who's purging now: "Screw you, Rick! I'll purge you too, you old rickety piece of crap!" rnm's storyline was great, i liked arthrisha.

44. the ricks must be crazy: "I dropped out of school. It's not a place for smart people." "Ohhhh, snap!" lmao literally my reaction. "Ooh. Wow. Gaaay!" "That is pretty gay." not much more to say, good ep.

43. never ricking morty: rnm were sweet in this ep. the gay ass song with rick and bp. "Rick are you– do you need to go to the hospital?" the forehead kiss was sweet. (we're ignoring "Lips if you want.")

42. mort dinner rick andre: mr nimbus is a great character. the wine storyline was a bit boring. "I havent been to a full week of school in years! I don't know shit!" love the peek at rick's backstory too.

41. rick potion #9: important lore episode. some funny bits. morty was a little creepy in this one. i love jerry primes character development. first look on down from the bridge moment !!

40. forgetting sarick mortshall: "What are you, eight? Is this macaroni art? You expect me to believe you built this because you don't care?" liked ricks storyline and he actually does seem to be showing minor development. the end song was good. liked garbage goober's lore.

39. morty's mindblowers: rick removing whatever memories he wanted was fucked up. rick saying granite instead of granted will always be funny. also him losing in chackers and skiing into a tree.

38. mortyplicity: entertaining enough if a little convoluted, i liked it though. sweet moment between the decoy family, shame they died.

b tier: good to great episodes.

37. big trouble in little sanchez: actually liked jerry and beths storyline in this one. tiny riiick !! "old rick! ruining everything!" good episode.

36. pilot: good intro, sets the tone. rick is such a dick (affectionate). rnm's dynamic !! the animation is great. overall great episode.

35. pickle rick: ik its a overrated but i think its good. hes pickle riiiick. dr wong's speech to rick was actually really good and accurate.

34. meeseeks and destroy: rick was such a whiny bitch this episode (affectionate), up until the mr jellybean stuff, which i liked bcs it was handled well by the writers and rick was actually very sweet.

33. rick and morty's thanksploitation spectacular: president curtis' alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend is probably my favourite way rick has been refered to in the show LOL. overall i enjoyed this episode.

32. something ricked this way comes: idc now but, the first time watching rick's r slur speech it was obnoxious and offputting. summer and rick were great, i adore their dynamic, love summer and rick episodes, but idrc for jerry's storyline, he bores me so bad.

31. full meta jackrick: "Rick can't change, Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite." there were a lot of things i liked abt this ep.

30. vindicators 3: the return of worldender: very good episode. forever a believer that the ride was for morty and rick just chickened out.

29. a rickle in time: the va for the testicle monster was great. beth and jerry's storyline also wasn't bad. rick jumping into the hole and sacrificing his life for morty, im sobbing. great episode.

28. the vat of acid episode: morty trying to make rick feel better about not being able to make the thing was very sweet. morty's relationship with that girl was adorable, so sad it was erased by jerry's dumb ass /lh. fuck rick in this episode. the end was funny.

27. rixty minutes: while i do love interdimensional cable this episode would've been lower if it wasn't for all the character moments. "You can't leave, you're 17." "Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. I'm gonna have better judgement than you guys had at my age." loved summer getting screentime. beth and jerry's moment was quite sweet.

26. ricksy business: bp and squanchy !!! >:) bp coming through with the deep speech. the montage of rick morty and summer at the end is so adorable i love them sm <3. "I love my grandkids." "Aw :)." "Psych, just kidding, my new catchphrase is i dont give a fuuuck!"

25. get schwifty: first president curtis episode !! i love him. love morty and bp interactions haha. "In bird culture, this is considered a dick move." "It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don't know what humans eat." crying i love him sm. one of my personal favs lol :).

24. juricksick mort: tbh i mostly like this ep bcs of "You pompous autistic cadaver!" but there was other good moments and it was entertaining. rick was funny and likeable and very much a disaster of a human being, as i was promised when i started watching rnm.

23. star mort rickturn of the jerri: space beth !! "You cosplay as your shitty father in his 30's." "Its funny. I always wondered who would win if we ever fought." "Then you were always a bad friend." :(. "Holy shit, I'm a terrible father." i forgot how good this episode was, very angsty.

22. total rickall: genuinely love this episode. KEITH DAVID >:D. rick's "weird made-up sounding catchphrases" compilation is one of my fav moments in the show lol, everyone looks so concerned 💀.

21. rest and ricklaxation: "Grandpa's here." SOBBING. "Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!" "I wasn't crying!" loved jessica and ricks dynamic lol. great episode.

20. rickfending your mort: great follow up to unmortricken, i like that rick doesnt just go back to normal and we see it takes a while and even then its only bcs morty steps in. morty making up titles for all their adventures is adorable. great sweet scenes between rnm.

19. the rickchurian mortydate: autistic rick !! also minecraft. the president is such a pathetic loser lol <3. i loved rick and morty being on the same wavelength in this episode. the ending was good.

18. wet kuat amortycan summer: summer-centric episode !! rick was likeable, liked seeing him clumsy getting his grove back. him saying summer reminds him of diane again, he's getting so much more open, im so proud, can you imagine s3 rick being sincere like that?

17. close rickcounters of the rick kind: best s1 episode, love citadel episodes. evil morty !!!!! some funny moments. "You're crying? Over a Morty?" sobbing. "Yeah, but wheres the transmitter?" and the evil morty song oh god, best scene ever fr. i love my evil guy :3.

s tier: outstanding episodes, the 16 best imo.

16. that's amorte: FANTASTIC episode, the end montage is the only part of any rnm episode thats made me cry a little, it would be higher up but i have some personal favs which i put higher. i feel like this episode was very classic rnm after having them separated half of s7.

15. the old man and the seat: jerry and morty's dynamic is pretty funny. tony and rick's storyline was fantastic. some pretty angsty stuff. "The saaaddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos."

14. the abc's of beth: rick and beth episode !! rick saying that an adventure clearly needs morty in it, aw. i did not care about jerry's storyline at all. beth had no right being so relatable in this ep.

13. ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation: rick relapsing into finding prime !! "I'm not touching that thing. I'll get neurotypical cooties." ok, so ik a lot of ppl don't like the speech rick said to morty, but i do, he was going through a LOT, this clearly took him quite a few steps back in development and healing, i think it was less bad than a lot of other things he's done and way more justified.

12. fear no mort: loved morty getting his time to shine, LOVED diane and rick. morty realising rick wasn't in the hole has to be one of the best moments in the show. rick not going in the hole at the end bcs morty told him not to, hope some day he'll get to the point of doing things for morty in front of him so he can realise how much he cares.

11. analyze piss: look at rick asking dr wong for advice. him relating to piss master :(. also i read a phenomenal fic abt this ep (tw sh) (link).

10. air force wong: UNITY RETURNS! Rick was kinda childish in this episode but i feel like it was justified, he wasn't being a dick just bcs, he was hurting, and he even kinda apologised to summer, hes trying. rick going to drink with the president instead of being alone.

9. the rickshank rickdemption: RICK PRIME. "That, diane, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage." :((((. ricks backstory. "he's not a villan, summer, but he shouldn't be ur hero." fantastic ep.

8. rickmurai jack: love two crows rick. rick's full "crybaby" backstory !! "Now you're evil morty, too. sooner or later we all are. on this side of the curve." THE END OH GOD. THE MUSIC. EVIL MORTY LETTING OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF. INSANE finale.

7. gotron jerrysis rickvangelion: rick is so spectacularly autistic in this one. i like how he doesnt silly hyperfixtate, he full on unhealthy hyperfixtates. i practically know this ep off by heart. comfort ep fr.

6. rickternal friendshine of the spotless mort: im not sorry for putting this up so high, i love this ep so fucking much. memory rick is so silly i love him sm. "You were a good friend, Rick. Goodbye." the blood ridge confession makes me FERAL. i can quote it word for word.

5. the wedding squanchers: THIS EPISODE. rick watching bp die in front of him. rick turning himself in :(. "everyone i know goes away in the end." the music was so good. "he's not coming back, is he?"

4. the ricklantis mixup: best citadel ep, fight me. j-22 trying to save simple rick only to suffer the same fate :(. slick jumping into the wishing portal. the ending was phenomenal, every single storyline was amazing and important. and evil morty returns.

3. auto erotic assimilation: love unity and ricks dynamic. blim blam humbling beth and jerry. jerry using the weed whacker right in front of the garage where rick just attempted. and no one notices. bc that's how it is. "do you feel it?" is a great song. maybe this ep is higher than it should be but it's my comfort ep, it means so much to me.

2. solaricks: first time we get to see dimension c-137 out of a flashback !! "I hope Summer knows what happens to the people you love!" "Oh, am I cool enough for you now? Well, that was easy. It only cost me fucking everything." "I don't know him. You're my grandpa, rick." rip jerry prime, my fav jerry. THIS EPISODE IS PHENOMENAL.

1. unmortricken: ok anyone who knows me knows this is my fav ep bcs i never stfu abt it. i mean, evil morty backstory, rick beating prime to death, GOD. ian cardoni was COOKING with the delivery of those lines, and the lines were fantastic. some good rnm moments. the angst is so good. "How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does." best look on down from the bridge moment.

i keep going over this a million times just to make sure everything is perfect but idk, some episodes are maybe interchangeable, im just going to post it bcs its been rotting in my drafts for quite a while now, everyone promise you dont hate me for putting an episode 1 slot too high or low /j

and sorry for all the jerry hate in this post, i dont hate him i just find him boring, so eps where he's the centre tend to be lower on the list.

[krispdreemurr]

I'm not sure if you're still doing fic requests, but maybe you could write one about Kris meeting (or experiencing might be a better term) Gaster? I can only imagine the properties of a man who exists both beyond and interweaved into the fabric of reality would also bend reality itself. I wanna know how messed up it would feel to be in proximity to this guy. Like a warning aura.

[i've done first meetings a few times before so this is a second one lol, hope that's ok]

The first thing they notice is always the words.

IT HAS BEEN

SOME TIME.

He doesn't speak. There is little sound here; the distant howl of wind, the pulse of their own heart. His words cut through that all and leave behind a silence deeper than is possible, a silence that their brain struggles to fill back up with noise, with words, with anything at all but the aching empty spaces.

They open their eyes.

They're standing on level ground in the dark. They have to remind themselves of that, because somehow they feel a sick lurch in their stomach like the ground has given out under them, like the wind is rushing past them, like they're falling on and on without end--

They're standing.

He's facing them.

Bone white against black, a shape defined by cracks and emptiness. Hands - more than make sense, more than they can keep track of. Eyes. A smile.

He was smiling the last time, too.

Their heart pounds in their chest, setting its own time, and they want to turn and run but they know the ground would give out, they know there is nowhere, there cannot be anywhere, they are lost they are gone they are drowning falling falling forever forever forever forever forever

One of the hands lands on their shoulder. It's shockingly cold, and it is burning hot, and it is burning bleeding melting dying, and they yelp and pull away.

"Don't," they hiss.

APOLOGIES

BUT THIS MATTER IS CRITICAL

I REQUIRE YOUR ATTENTION.

"I don't care about--" They shake their head, force themself to step closer on shaking legs. They can feel nothing beneath their feet, sharp and solid. "You've... Where's Dess?"

A pause.

With a thunderous crack that makes no sound at all, the smile splits wider.

YOU ARE TRULY

TRULY

CARING.

SHE IS SAFE. SHE IS PROTECTED.

ESCAPED FROM THE GAZE OF THE ANGEL

Another hand outstretches. It is lightyears away. It is directly in front of them.

WHICH IS WHAT I ALSO

OFFER TO YOU.

They stare for a moment, then manage a bare, "What?"

The shape--the man--straightens. Fingers tap aimlessly on dark air, with sharp clinks coming with each motion.

THERE IS A STORY YOU ARE CALLED TO SERVE.

THERE IS A ROLE YOU ARE CALLED TO FILL.

YOU CANNOT FILL IT.

He looks at them for a moment, cold light shining in broken eyes, and his gaze smells like bone and rust and feels like something cutting through their chest.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE AN EXCELLENT CHILD.

THIS IS JUST SOMETHING YOU CANNOT DO.

I SOUGHT TO ASSIST YOU

AND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO ACCUSTOM YOU

BUT IT IS CLEAR MY AID

IS UNWELCOME.

They remember. Finding themself at the bunker again and again, with only dazed half-there memories. People remembering conversations they'd never had. Hours, days, weeks slipping into a gray haze.

The growing weight on their chest, until one night they'd awoken and caught hold and pulled--

Their hand goes to their chest now. Feels a hole cut through, leeching away warmth. Feels something damp and clinging, blood through their fingers. Feels an alien pulse. Feels something that burns them. Feels everything and nothing at all.

"Why me?" they mumble.

BECAUSE IN A WORLD THAT WAS NOT

AND NOW WILL NOT BE

I WAS A FOOL.

They're back in the dark of the bunker, watching with wide eyes as hands in the dark grip the hilt of a blade and tell them to watch closely, because this is something only they can do, and--

They're dressed in armor they've never seen before, blue and silver, his hand firm and real on their shoulder as he gestures at the sky and talks about reaching to heaven, and--

They're holding out their hand, offering mercy, forgiveness, trust, and his own hand pushes it away and he drives a blade into the earth and nothing pours out and nothing happens and nothing and nothing and nothing and--

They shake their head, trying to clear out memories, to sort out what fits in their head and what is something alien to them.

I CANNOT CHANGE THE PATH.

THE KNIGHT

GIFTED KNOWLEDGE OF THE DARK

WILL OPEN THE FOUNTAINS

SEEKING FREEDOM

SEEKING ESCAPE.

THIS IS SET.

BUT.

YOU CANNOT BE THE KNIGHT.

"Because I'm a failure?" they croak, too overwhelmed to try and hide the truth.

BECAUSE YOU ARE KIND.

He gestures with many hands, and--

There's a window, or a door, or a warp in space, or they have been somewhere else all along. There's a body wrapped in gray, floating empty, hair shifting lengths, face missingabsentgonelost. There's more of those soundless words, but they're not meant for Kris, and they cannot make sense of them.

COME WITH ME

I WILL KEEP YOU SAFE IN THE DARK

FOR A TIME.

ANOTHER WILL CARRY THE BURDEN YOU CANNOT.

AND YOU WILL RETURN SAFE AND WELL.

They hesitate, looking at the stark white shape of the hand. It holds itself steady, a fixed point against the ever-falling ever-rising dark.

They don't want to.

But--

But they know. If there's a need for a hero. For someone who can save the world. It can't be them. Not Kris, tired lonely Kris messaging a brother who won't answer again and again, passing through the days in silence. Not Kris, who no one has even noticed as they slowly vanished.

Maybe it would be better to be gone.

Just for a little while, after all.

They're so afraid. They hate it here. They hate the man and his promises and his demands and his conviction that everything is set for them. They hate the dark and the way it clings to them and drips down them and weighs down their feet without touching them at all. They want to wake up tomorrow and eat breakfast with their mom and go to school like normal and live their life like normal and just keep on through the endless days and pretend.

But in the end--

They're so tired.

They reach across the distance, preparing to grab hold

and that's when red light cuts through the world blade-sharp and someone is yelling something at them in a voice they can almost hear and they feel something hooked in their chest snag taut like the other end has caught hold of something far distant and the man reaches across the infinite distance between them but they are

rising

rising

rising

"Kris!"

Something opens their eyes.