#which is obviously the point of icebreakers

[hey-scully-itsme]

last year my mom told me that once, when i was five, she took my sister and i to an event at a local library where Maya Angelou was doing a reading for children, and that after that event we met her and Maya Angelou hugged both me and my sister, and frankly i'm still not over that.

i had entirely forgotten about it and she dropped this knowledge on me as if i was already aware that I was once hugged by Maya Angelou. it was like learning i was blessed by a saint without my knowledge.

[wisteriagoesvroom]

*gently pokes you with a stick til you write this*

Is there a plot, or just vibes... like what is going on in this universe... okay... *rolls sleeves up* lemme try to headcanon it a little:

Oscar is a rising star in product engineering, and was hired based on a prototype he was developing in his Imperial College dorm room. Barely settled into his new office gig, he is told to present a demo of said product on the mainstage of his tech company employer's next big conference, where they announce their latest product rollouts for the year.

Oscar really hates public speaking, and has never been very good at it. Enter Lando - deputy head of marketing and charmboy extraordinnaire - who is assigned to get him up to scratch.

Other universe details that probably only I care about: Adam Norris is the new CFO who brings his son into the picture. There are definitely two overworked interns on both their teams who have to manage all their weird quirks and Lando's idiosyncratic JIRA board hygiene. Surely there must be an ugly conference t-shirt. No wait– Oscar sleeps with Lando at the conference rehearsal, but the first time is kinda unexpected, and also Oscar spilled red wine on himself the previous night which necessitated him going up to Lando's hotel room for Plot Convenient Reasons (sex). Morning after, Oscar has to borrow one of Lando's t shirts and it ends up being a neon prototype that was manufactured as an error. And Oscar's like "you cannot expect me to walk out like this", and it's like. "Well either that or you walk around the city shirtless sorry mate." (Oscar takes the L, but he really hates green highlighters from that point on and nobody really knows why. Lando thinks it's hilarious and buys him copious amounts of hot chocolate to make up for it even though it was never his fault. He just likes buying hot chocolate for Oscar.)

There is also definitely an icebreaking joint activity that they both do, like indoor rock climbing, in order to get to know each other. Except Lando is like, spectacularly good at it, and Oscar (a) lies about his competency in rock climbing (b) is deathly afraid of heights. But Oscar refuses to be a wimp so doesn't say a single thing until he reaches the top of a really challenging wall and Lando is like: woah you did so amazing! Now let go and come down! and Oscar is like: I can't! Lando: wdym?? Oscar: I hate heights. Like "my sisters used to lure me to the roof with a ladder and then take the ladder away", hate heights. Lando: BRO.....your PRIDE.... (but he's also secretly going insane because Oscar clearly just wanted an excuse to spend the morning with him.)

Their first kiss is after Lando belays Oscar safely to the ground, obviously. Adrenalin, and stuff.

[i-who-has-never-had-a-name]

Books I will never read

1. Anything by Haruki Murakami, but especially Norwegian Wood.

I've read Kafka on the Shore halfway through and stopped. Also that one handjob scene....no. why. He's a huge misogynist who I do not want to support. I've heard about that one scene in Norwegian Wood with the father's picture...yikes. I like literary fiction the most, which means I want well-written characters meaning all of them should be well-written and have a soul, yes even the female ones. I saw that one picture of pseudo intellectual Harry Styles being in bed reading Norwegian Wood...at this point why? Why do we not question this? I sometimes wonder if this is all an inside joke I'm not into.

2. Any CoHo/Emily Henry/Tiktok romance book

No explanation needed. I'm in a happy relationship and I don't have a son with big balls.

3. Any splatterpunk book (Eric LaRocca's books, Playground)

I like disturbing books, I have nothing against brutal/disgusting scenes and such, but it has to have a purpose. You cannot write such sick, twisted things just for shock value, because you are a writer and should at least be a good one. Splatterpunk writers don't care about that. They write the most sick, twisted things that a human could come up with. It's not revolutionary but tasteless shock. Those people don't love literature, they love gore. It doesn't help that the vast majority of those authors are men and that they let their female and their younger characters experience a lot of pain. They get away with their blatant sadism and sexism by categorizing it as "splatterpunk".

4. That Icebreaker book

Not just bc it's a tiktok romance book, but specifically bc it reminds me of that one tiktok named Kierra I think who was widely sexist and rude and evil to a hockey player's wife just bc she said she didn't want her to make anymore sexual comments about her husband and the father of her child. Wild. You should definitely look into it.

5. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

Torture Corn really. Straight women writes queer male characters are tortures them. We've all seen it, really.

6. Any self help book

Pure Scams. It is capitalist propaganda that your problems are based of your material conditions but are purely isolated from the rest of the world and as long you buy my book in which I give you a list of what to do, you won't be happy. When you give me your money, you'll be happy, really!

It definitely doesn't help that most of those authors are white, male and rich.

7. Books with queer male romance written by straight women

I'm not saying straight women don't have the capability to write well-written male queer characters, I'm just saying that there's a pattern...

I've come to this conclusion after reading the beloved "Song Of Achilles". There's a lot of critique I have with this book, mainly it's portrayal of queerness.

8. Any Books by J.K Rowling, including Harry Potter

Transphobic asshole and not that good of a writer.

9. Tolstoi's works

I'm sure he is great writer. Sometime when I'm old and grey I'll try reading War and Peace. But now, I'm too dumb for that.

10. Any of those celebrity authobiographies

I have my own life. I truly don't care and if I do I'll just watch some YouTube video instead of wasting my money. They're so painfully ghost written. Hate ghost written books, they can be so soulless. You can't really get an objective look at things bc the books are obviously biased. Look at that Prince Harry biography. You feel bad for him bc his wee-wee got frostbite without him actually addressing his partaking in the iraq war.

[nerdypipsqueak]

Two weeks ago I went on a date. My first date in 7 years. And this date set the bar so high that now I'm probably fucked.

I'd gotten myself an account on a dating app and was just... swiping, without much hope for anything. A lot of the more... helpful features (like unlimited likes and "pings" - a like with a little icebreaker comment) are available only for premium members and I am not prepared to pay for that.

One day I got a ping. I'll call him T. He'd very obviously read my profile because he asked about one of my musical interests, and I actually didn't respond for almost a whole day because 1. I couldn't tell if he was asking genuinely or not and 2. I was so intimidated by his profile pictures. That was the most beautiful man I had ever seen and that statement includes Elijah Phox. Tall, with a ruby red mohawk, kinda goth/alternative. I knew next to him I'd look like a goddamn potato and I initially decided to swipe left on him. But then I kept going back to the ping, looking at it, looking at his profile. And then I bit the bullet and responded. He texted back, made a Kraftwerk reference that went over my head but later prompted me to list his number in my phone as "T - Kraftwerk". I did have to ask him to explain the reference, which he did, then the next thing I knew I was telling him about Lawrence of Arabia (1962) and he sounded legit excited. He was very open about being neurodivergent (AuDHD) and very quickly clocked me as also neurodivergent though undiagnosed. Then, within the next 48ish hours we were set: time, date, meeting spot, what we're going to do. We even talked about consent in a broad context: consent to hold my hand, to greet me with a hug, to kiss me on the top of my head because he really liked my buzz cut, to do casual touch because he's tactile like that. He also assured me that if at any point I got overstimulated or uncomfortable and wanted to cut the date short there would be no hard feelings. He even sent me a picture of his car and licence plate beforehand. I was fucking floored. And I was anxious as fuck. This was too good to be true, this would blow up in my face, he would see me and promptly turn around and walk away (yes, this has happened to me in the past). That didn't happen. He showed up. He showed up in a corset and I almost died, even though I knew beforehand that he was going to wear one. He hugged me and kissed the top of my head. We laughed so much because... well, he's 6'7 and I'm exactly 5'. He had to squat to actually give me a hug.

He seemed... happy. Accepted me exactly as I was, short, fat and bald.

We went and got coffee. Looked at the one table that had a couch and instantly went "that one". Made small talk. He consistently used the correct pronouns. He stroked my hand with just his fingertips and asked if it was OK. He then asked if it was OK to hold my hand, if it was OK to put his arm around me, if it was OK to kiss me. I think we then spent a solid 15-20 minutes just sitting together in complete silence, holding each other, idly stroking each other's arms. He had mesh sleeves and I really liked the way they felt. There were a few more kisses and a gentle nudge to finish my coffee before it got cold. Him stroking my back while I tried to drink did not help matters.

Then we went and got lunch. He remembered how I like my tea and sat next to me instead of opposite because he knew I didn't like feeling watched while eating. We talked about stuff and made fun of his mocktail because it matched his hair. He asked if I would be comfortable going back to his place (this had come up beforehand, along with some other fun things like ropes and blindfolds). He held my hand as we walked to his car (I became a kite and that was OK, that was now my life), and then held my hand in the car. We laughed at the M&S petrol station and the ridiculously expensive Northern supermarket (yes, I'm talking about Booth's).

He made me a cup of tea exactly the way I like it, and didn't put on the big light in case it bothered my eyes. After some snogging we ended up in his bedroom, cuddling on top of the covers and watching the lights on the ceiling (his bedroom is extremely autism-friendly, he has these soft, coloured light projectors, a weighted blanket...). Something happened in my brain and I completely let go off all the decades of masking. I was comfortable. I lay there, on T's bed, with his arm around me, just... laughing. And when he asked me gently what was so funny I couldn't tell him because I wasn't sure, all I knew was everything was right in the world.

We did snog some more and then the ropes did come out and it was the most intense, most wonderful experience of my life. I did cry afterwards, in fact I howled like a wounded animal, because that's a pretty intense and emotional thing to do in general, let alone on a first date. And he held me through it and soothed me and told me I was safe and cherished and could let out all the emotions and the guilt. He left only to get me some water and chocolate.

Then he made me another cup of tea and dinner, we cuddled for a while, and then he drove me back home. He held my hand pretty much throughout the drive, letting go only to change gears. He kissed me goodnight.

We were supposed to go on another date. He cancelled an hour before he was due to pick me up, saying he'd had some bad news about a family member and needed to deal with that. I let him know I understood and was sending hugs and then just gave him space. Haven't heard from him since.

I'm sad. I really liked him and I wanted this one good thing from life. I don't want to grieve again. I'm tired and my brain hurts. And so does my heart.

[frankenjoly]

For forever

baristahyde + regular at a coffee shop

“Same as ever?” At that point, the question was almost unnecessary, but they felt almost compelled to ask anyway. After all, asking had never killed anyone, and it was as good of an icebreaker as anything else.

Though, again at that point, an icebreaker was more than almost unnecessary; conversations came incredibly easy with Hyde.

“Exactly.” A soft smile accompanied those words. “And the usual refill for our favorite werewolf. He wanted to come to pick it up himself, but… you know, he’s already feeling it.” No, there was no need to elaborate further, and not because talking more explicitly could be a problem. Quite the opposite, actually. No matter how things unfolded, there would never be the need to be inconspicuous in their cafe. “Speaking about which, my visit today will be a bit shorter to come back and check on him. But worry not, since I will make up for it next time.”

“Never doubted it. And I get it, obviously.”

With a smile of their own, River got to work, humming along to the music currently playing… and Hyde’s attempts at following too, shortly after.

Ah, the simple pleasures of sweet established routines.

[sing-you-fools]

I was at a party the other day and someone's icebreaker was to ask where I went to college. what? for the record I am thirty six years old. literally the most interesting thing you can think of to ask a person you don’t know is which institution they picked half their lives ago? really?

I was so surprised by it I tried to dodge the question. oh, you know. a couple places. kind of a complicated college experience. and she pressed it. like. what if I just hadn't gone to college? what if my time in college had been awful and traumatizing and I didn't want to talk about it because guess what? why is any of this relevant to here and now? why am I gonna be the weirdo if I point out that this is a terrible conversation topic? why can't neurotypicals pick up on social cues like someone obviously trying to dodge a question or looking at all uncomfortable?

[mermaidsirennikita]

Not to do the whole "I read those books and I turned out fine!" argument but I really don't think it's a big deal? Not saying we should be encouraging teenagers to read them but I grew out of ya fast and the new adult books I was reading were uh...not great so reading more mature stuff was just a natural progression. I just wish they were reading better stuff and not Colleen Hoover or Gothikana or whatever grabage is currently popular on booktok. Also let's not kid ourselves fanfiction is more explicit than your average trad published romance novel nowadays, and more easily accessible.

I also turned out fine, and in theory I don't have an issue with underage people consuming explicit content. Obviously, they will.

But a large percentage of the time, when kids BUY content, they are buying it with their parents' money; and I don't think it's great for parents to not know where their money is going, for one thing. Now--could they (and should they) research the books? Yeah. However, it was a lot easier for them to do that in the past when these covers were very clear re: the book's audience and I think it should remain easy. Especially when, as some people have pointed out to me, some parents actually do have to work around language barriers. The covers themselves used to have a language; now, they no longer do.

I also think that, despite the fact that kids will inevitably consume shit their parents don't know about, it's a great idea for parents to know WHEN POSSIBLE. (Not always, obviously--there are ALWAYS outliers when discussing any topic, which is why we allow for nuance.) For example: my mom let me read her romance novels. And I'll tell you what--part of why I turned out just fine is that we actually did talk about shit. We discussed things. There was an open dialogue.

It's not that I don't think kids should read explicit content. It's that I think that it's absolutely not a bad thing for people to think (good, non-abusive) parents should know what their kids are getting into... and that kids should be marketed content that is for THEM.

As I said in my original post--there is absolutely no way that books coming from big 5 publishers have confusing covers just because people think they're cute, or because adults (who typically have more access to ereaders financially than kids) don't want racy covers. These publishers know that there are both parents and kids picking up certain books, not knowing what it's about, and getting into shit they didn't actually want. It's purposefully misleading marketing. None of this is accidental.

And the kids aren't the only ones who don't know what the fuck they're buying anymore, but I digress.

Obviously, people can, again, look a book up. But why do we have to go down rabbit holes to find a Goodreads review that mentions a heat level~, why do we have to use unreliable ratings from users, to know what a book contains... When there used to be a pretty clear way of communicating it through covers. Books have become more expensive in a big way, and at the same time they've become harder to decipher quickly and efficiently. Which, to me, is a pretty big fucking problem when you're working within a genre that is commercial.

(Also: some kids genuinely don't wanna read that shit or find it uncomfortable, and then spend $20, which is all that's in their 12 year old bank account, on Icebreaker because it's on a table with books for an assortment of ages and the cover looks like it's for teenagers. Kids can see ratings for fics and proceed knowing what they're getting. For free.)

[lindsaystravelblogs5]

Days 15-17 – Tuesday/Thursday   Heading south – 'coz there is nowhere else to go.

Tuesday

During our time on the ice yesterday, the icefloe to which we were attached, obviously including our ship, drifted about fifty kilometres south.  Some of the scientists aboard still wanted to take some more measurements at the North Pole, so the ship crunched back through the ice to the North Pole again at stayed there for a few hours.  During this time, a Norwegian icebreaker was visible on the horizon as it too headed for the same magical spot.  The two captains knew each other so they conversed together, but by then, most of us were asleep.

An interesting aspect of being at the North Pole is that every direction is south – for the first time in my life, north, west and east literally ceased to exist.  There was no such direction. I rrespective of where I looked, I was always looking south and that felt almost otherworldly, perhaps like being on the moon or another planet.

It is interesting to reflect that until yesterday, we were the northernmost ship in the world for at least five days (and in February last year, we were the southernmost ship in the world for at least six days), and that our closest ‘neighbours’ were extraterrestrials – the occupants of the International Space Station as they passed above us seven times each day.  Who could ever have imagined that this little boy from Perth could literally have stood on the North Pole – all three of them in fact – and waved to the astronauts a mere four hundred kilometres above him?  I feel enormously privileged and quite humbled by the experience.

Once the scientists had gathered their data, we headed south (where else could we go?) heading for Svalbard and the Atlantic.  We seemed to be grinding through ice all night with its continuous rattling and grumbling rocking us to sleep.  It is very noticeable that there is a lot more ice on the Atlantic side of the Pole compared with the Pacific side.  It is much more like I imagined the whole polar region to be and after a lecture on the types of ice and how it forms, we have been able to identify the stages in its formation and delight in its beauty.  The sea ice is also much thicker on the Atlantic side and the ship bumped and growled its way through It all night - to the point that we lost quite some sleep. The last few days have really been an astonishing experience that I will carry with me to the end of my days.

Wednesday

We didn’t sleep well and were up doing puzzles by 5am (whenever that is up here – there is almost 24 hours of daylight, and the ship time varies most days and bears no resemblance to local time anyway).  It would be hard to have jetlag up here if you don’t even know how your body clock should be operating.  We were at sea all day yesterday and woke to quite thick fog this morning that didn’t completely clear until early afternoon.  Visibility was down to about 50 metres at times but there was no land to bump into so we sailed along quite happily despite the fog.

We had a couple of lectures in the morning, including a very interesting one on the evolution of icebreakers over the past 150 years up to the very latest generation, mostly driven by Finnish technology and design.  It was quite fascinating and referred in part to the need for icebreakers to be economical in both the ice and open water.  The design required for each is quite different so the most modern ships (including ours) are designed with the capability to drive forward in open water and backward in the ice.  Our ship happily sails through several metres of ice going forward but has a second bridge in the stern to enable it to be driven in reverse.  (More tomorrow.)

They found a place where we could venture back on the ice during the afternoon and quite a few people did so, but we elected to stay inside and relax a bit more.  Some people enjoyed the time within the perimeter and some others went on a guided hike, but with the lower visibility, nobody was able to go very far from the ship.  We had dinner after a delayed recap and then tried to watch a movie in our cabin, but for some reason, we never got it going so we read instead.

Thursday

We had a lecture during the morning, but it was interrupted about two-thirds of the way through because they had sighted another polar bear.  We all rushed outside to discover that it was actually a mother bear with two adolescent cubs.  We watched for quite some time with the cubs staying a couple of hundred metres behind their mother – what cute animals they are.  After walking a kilometre or two, the mother settled down on the edge of some clear water, hoping for a seal to show its head (for the last time).  We watched for quite some time but eventually left them to it and we went on our way.

Just before lunch, another male bear was sighted and we probably approached it slightly closer than the other ones, but it was a bit uncooperative and wandered away before we got too close.

In the afternoon, we had another really poor ‘lecture’ by a professional Chinese travel photographer.  Most of my photos are better than the ones he had taken (and absolutely glowed over with pride) and they did not sit well with the topic of his talk.  It was supposed to be a travelogue about the Antarctic and the Kimberleys, but his photos and videos really didn’t represent much of either.  It was also suppose to be a dual language session – English that he translated into Chinese, but it was at least 95% Chinese, and numerous of his audience, including me, walked out.  We complained afterwards but it really was a complete waste of time.

A little later, however, the captain said he was going to show us something the Finnish engineer had told us about in yesterday’s lecture about icebreakers.  The captain told us to go to the stern deck near the aft bridge and he would drive the ship in reverse.  Wasn’t that utterly awesome?  The ice was up to about three metres thick, and the ship crunched through it in mind-boggling fashion.  I am quite frustrated that I can’t find words to describe the ice and the way the ship navigates through it - even to just hint at it.  In reverse, the way the ice was broken, and a passage cleared, was very different from what we have been watching as it went forward.  The rear azipod/s ripped through the ice with the propellers (each blade weighs 17 tonnes), and the more upright stern crashed through it in a hugely dramatic fashion.  It was sometimes very loud, with gunshot crashes, as the ginormous ice sheets were shattered and shredded, scudding many metres away in mere moments.  We watched over the rail as blocks of ice, fifty metres long and maybe thirty or forty wide, were shoved aside like matchsticks, sometimes breaking into hundreds of big chunks that rode over or under nearby floes – or sometimes stayed intact and crashed into other areas of ice, building up pressure ridges or fragmenting them too.  Zigzag cracks exploded, and snaked away for hundreds of metres, and hundreds of litres of water formed jets from under the stern, washing over and across the broken slabs of ice, freezing instantly to form additional layers ice on the already mammoth slices of frozen sea rocketing away from the ship under immense pressure.  The power of the ship to smash through the ice was literally awesome and it made us feel very safe being on a ship such as this one.  I hesitate to use the word again, but 'awesome' is probably the best I have to depict the half-hour demonstration the captain gave us – and of course, he was like a boy with a big toy too – he really is inspiring.

During the recap, we were told that two birds had been seen – a Black-legged Kittiwake yesterday, and a Snow Bunting (hundreds of kilometres from its natural land habitat), accidently caught on film during the time we were watching the family of bears.  We expect to be out of the ice tomorrow as we approach Svalbard, so hopefully, I might see some birds as we head further south.

[cherryfemm]

Welcome to Merston high

The masterlist for all current chapters is pinned to my page

Chapter 4 - Heath "the flame" Burns

Clawd as soon as he got there wondered around school trying to find Heath. He wasn't at the basketball court or the cafeteria. The only other place he could have been was Clawd's sensory nightmare. Though the school banned lighters Heath didn't need one anyways. Heath was what most people referred to as a fire elemental. He could light himself ablaze whenever he desired. It started with Heath sneaking off on his own and eventually all of his fellow stoner brethren crawling out of the wood work. Heath's main two 'clientele' were Deuce Gorgon, a stereotypical skater dude and Johnny Spirit, a loner who spoke to virtually no body. The three of them never spoke during school, but when huddled together sharing a singular smoke they ultimately felt forced to communicate. Heath was always the icebreaker though, he couldn't keep his mouth shut if his unlife depended on it.

Heath would gush about all the girls he wanted to court while both Deuce and Johnny couldn't care less about it. Deuce had his own feelings about a certain girl he didn't want to address. Johnny on the other hand despite his reluctance to talk to others had actually managed to get a girlfriend. Heath described Johnny's girlfriend Operetta as 'hot, but loud, obnoxious and scary' Johnny felt like Heath complaining about the volume of anyones voice was rich coming from him. The scary part was pretty accurate though. She didn't take anything from anyone, especially guys like Heath.

Clawd eventually rounded the corner to see exactly what he was expecting. Deuce and Johnny ignoring Heath while he went on one of his many tangents about basketball or girls.

"Heath!" Clawd called out as he jogged over.

"Look who it is, this is the last place I thought I'd ever see you," Heath grinned widely as he couldn't help giggling, very obviously buzzed. "You want some?"

Clawd admantly shook his head declining. Deuce slightly sideyed Clawd but the two didn't acknowledge eachother apart from that. Deuce and Clawd had some sort of unspeakable beef, mainly perpetuated by Clawd earning the spot of basketball captain over Deuce. Johnny didn't know much about Clawd and vice versa.

"Heath I gotta talk to you," He glanced at Deuce again. "Like in private,"

Heath rolled his eyes and got off of the wall he was perched on. "See you later ladies" He sarcastically waved to Deuce and Johnny as him and Clawd walked off.

"What's up buddy" Heath beamed wrapping an arm around Clawd's incredibly broad shoulders.

"I just picked Cleo up and I'm not gonna lie it was mad awkward," Clawd muttered trying to be as quiet as possible. "I like her, but I can't understand why, do I just like her because she's popular? Or because shes pretty?"

"Ahh you're having an inner dilemma, because you feel like you should like her for more than her looks," Heath said quite wisely.

"Well yeah," Clawd muttered. "I mean shes beautiful, but I just have nothing in common with her,"

Heath found this idea perplexing as most of the girls he dated he had nothing in common with. Girls were just around to hang out with after basketball practice. Heath had pursued multiple girls at the school such as Draculaura, Clawdeen, the captain of the debate team, the swim coach Lagoona and basically anyone who looked his way.

"I mean she's Cleo De Nile bro, being her boyfriend basically cements you into your basketball career," Heath explained as though Clawd actually knew what he meant. "Her dads a top contributor to the school board" He stressed further. "Which means if you date her and make her rich daddy happy, they could get you a scholarship, you could be the first monster to play for the NBA,"

Clawd understood that this was definitely hyperbolic but still Heath's point about Cleo and her family still stood. If he dated her while she was still interested in him then what really was the harm. The De Nile's were one of the most powerful families in New Salem, quite possibly in the whole monster eco system. Clawd's family on the other hand while not poor had a lot of mouths to feed and two full time working parents. Clawdeen always wanted to go study fashion abroad and of course Clawd wanted to be a basketball player professionally. Niether were cheap dreams.

"Yeah I guess you're right," Clawd pondered.

"I always am bro," Heath chortled as the two made it inside the school.

Clawd smiled widely at his sister who just looked at him and growled. Draculaura once again smiled and giggled. Heath winked at both of the girls prompting Clawd to push him away from them. The two went to their respective lockers which were on the same row but one locker was inbetween. Strolling up to said locker was a girl with curly red locks that flowed down her back. It was Heath's 'bestfriend'. Operetta ignored Heath but said hi to Clawd and the two exchanged pleasantries.

"Wow Operetta, you can't be nice to me for once?" Heath teased leaning over her locker door. "Your boyfriend is always nice to me,"

Operetta rolled her eyes. "If you didn't smuggle that crap into school he wouldn't even look at you Heath," She laughed. "He's literally using you, you're just too desperate for friends to see through it,"

Heath jabbed Operetta's arm with his elbow. "You're just jealous because he spends more time with me than you,"

"Good, if all goes well you'll be eloped by next spring!" She laughed and slammed the locker door. "Don't be offended if my invite gets lost in the mail, though,"

She walked off unbothered without even paying Heath any attention. "I don't understand how Johnny puts up with her, she's unbearable," He scoffed.

Clawd shook his head. "I have a feeling it's just you she hates,"

[h-pelessly]

January Reads

The Goal by Elle Kennedy (6.9/10) I was excited to dive into the pregnancy trope and see why everyone hates it sm. I started at the end of December and was kicking my feet at the way Tucker and Sabrina both were obsessed with each other. However, the pregnancy trope came and I was like... um... that's it? Super anticlimatic in my personal opinion, but there was like half the book left. Sabrina pissed me tf off when she didn't speak to Tucker or include him when she was deciding whether to keep the baby or not. Like she was obviously freaking out and super busy, but it annoyed me sm how the father wanted to be apart of this and Sabrina was just like freaking out alone, leaving Tucker to wonder if she already made the decision without him. But the story had a HEA so that was cool.

Knives, Seasoning, and a Dash of Love by Katrina Kwan (8/10) This would've had such a higher rating, but I can't get over how childish and annoying the FMC, Eden, was. Granted, she had a rough childhood, but the way she was irritated me. She faked her way to become a sous-chef to find out about her missing parents so she's saving up and living poorly. The head chef, Alexander Chen, falls for her so it's a case of grumpy x sunshine. Alexander (Shang)'s struggles made me cry maybe because it hit so much closer to home, but I hated how Eden was like stuck in her childish ways like she never grew at all since she was abandoned as a child. Overall, I think this was a solid read.

The Deal by Elle Kennedy (8/10) This was a reread, and it did not disappoint. I just want to say it was a bit underwhelming at some points, and I could see why some people don't like it, but I am so in love with Garrett Graham. Like he is so funny and had me giggling and kicking my feet. There were some parts I reread which made me fall in love with the characters again like Hannah and/or Allie. Or parts that I completely forgot or didn't catch the first time. I do see how this could be a fan fiction, but i don't care because I am absolutely in love with the ego on Mr. Garrett Graham.

Some Things Never Change by Cee Yang (7.3/10) I’m so thankful to be supporting an indie author. I submitted an ARC application last month because I saw it on Instagram, and didn’t know that I’ll be chosen. This book is about a friends to lovers BIPOC couple, and I was absolutely looking forward to this one. However, when getting into it, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Andy, the MMC, at first because he kept referring to things happening in the past. So I thought it was about Anthony, Andy’s twin. However, meeting Anthony, I was like yeah, this is not the guy so Andy it is. Not going to completely lie, this was more of young adult than a romance novel in the beginning. I learned a lot about the Hmong culture more than the characters interacting which was kind of cool, but I was reading for the romance so I was a bit disappointed. But at the end, JESUS. Andy’s a FREAK (respectfully.) I would also like to thank Cindy for sharing her secret of the ninth floor private bathroom because SPICY. I’m so proud of Cee Yang for this amazing debut novel.

Wildfire by Hannah Grace (7.3/10) I liked this book substantially more than the first book. Although I don't think it was as loved as Icebreaker for most people, I thought it was cute. I loved the MMC, Russ, because he's so broken yet sweet. I liked the FMC, Aurora, but she is kind of a pick me. I know she has daddy issues and stuff, but her pick me energy is insane. Her energy wavers from confident to insecure which is realistic, but reading about it annoyed me. Like why are you acting like this rn but a second ago you were crazy? I thought the story of being camp counselors and fraternization being prohibited was a cute idea, but it was also frustrating. How shy Russ was made me want to hug him. But the ending was kind of rushed and boring not going to lie. I don't think the MCs would last together in the real world tbh.

Curious by Jess Savage (7/10) I literally picked this book up by random on a romance stuff your kindle day, and I finished it within a day I would say. This book is a coming-of-age book about discovering one's sexuality (bisexuality.) People say the main character, Hailey, is annoying, but I think her being immature and freaking out makes perfect sense as she is fresh out of high school and is just discovering her sexuality. She is in love with her friend who is dating a girl older than them. Fast forward to summer, she had to watch the bestie and his gf because the gf's parents own where Hailey works. She then falls for the girl as well. I don't know, there wasn't a lot of smut and there was more content which I appreciated. There was steam, but most of it save the end was about Hailey's one person show which I honestly can't blame. She is 18 after all. Anyways, I would love to read about their future together.

So That Happened by Katie Bailey (6.5/10) If I read this book sooner, I would ate it right up. It's a closed door rom-com. In the beginning, I was intrigued. It was funny and the characters, mainly Annie, the FMC, does very hilarious things. But as the story went on, that's exactly who Annie is, a giant toddler. Who in their right mindset blurts out that she slept with her boss on the first day of work? And it wasn't even sexual like I don't know, but if I wanted to keep the job, I would pretend all is fine and dandy, plus, it doesn't mean HE remembers. Liam, the MMC, was okay. He was a good uncle, but the story treated his niece, Legs, like a toddler, which was so annoying. She's 8 and she still has a car seat? I don't know kids that well, but I'm pretty sure second graders do not have to have car seats to ride in vehicles. So I guess it was like the Hating Game with it being a workplace romance, but the FMC was so unlikable. She's like New Girl's Jess in the first episode without being a kindergarten teacher.

Totally Pucked by Lauren Blakely (6.6/10) This was a short novella that I claimed during one of the stuff your kindle days, and I decided to pick it up because I might have thought it was another book that I recently saw on booktok. I thought it was a menage trois, and that is a book of the series, but this one was a novella so I was like FUCK IT. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good nor memorable either. It's a friends to lovers trope, which I'm honestly not the biggest fan of from the jump start, but also, since it's a novella, all the major details are skipped so I just knew Fisher (dumb name tbh) was a horny ass hockey player for his best friend. They are always taken/single at different times, but this time, Katie was single and needed bedroom lessons bc her ex said she was weird in bed. Her weirdness? She liked dirty talk and being loud-- jesus. And the spice was eh.

The Beginning of Our Ending (6/10) I got this as an eARC, and I thought it'd be a love triangle, but it really wasn't. I wanted to be supportive of this indie author and her BIPOC representation, but it wasn't really my cup of tea. This is the only book that I feel should've had only one point-of-view because yes, it's true that both men loved Skye, FMC, but they were aggressive as hell and domineering which was unattractive as hell. There were a lot of pregnancies that bothered me since the trope really isn't my favorite, and the reasoning behind it was superficial as fuck like because it ruins the mood??? YEAH, but also safety? But also miss ma'am never liked Lance, and she just let him tie her down. From the beginning, I felt like Skye and Desmond were meant to be, but they broke up for a stupid reason, but it's kind of like meant to be, so when they forced their way back to one another, I was like no effing way.

[justanothergreb]

Icebreaker Review (or how Jackz wonders if some authors actually do research anymore)

Content warning - maybe some potential spoilers, but also talk of sex, namely the ridiculous sex in this book. Also this is all just my opinion, you can differ but no need to get nasty because I didn’t like the book.

Oh my god a book review! Well a review of a book so bad it needed a post. I’m really starting to believe that Booktok, while doing great things for getting people into reading, is a bloody menace for making terrible books popular. Spoiler - Icebreaker by Hannah Grace is one of the worst books I’ve ever read. 

It’s long so it’s going behind a cut...

Romance is not normally a genre I venture in to (unless it’s the Jane Austen-kind or Kate Cann-type books) but this book seemed like it would appeal to me. Ice skating - yes please. Ice hockey - yes please. People raving about the x-rated content - yes please indeed. My god was I reminded why I avoid this genre.

Let’s start off with the characters. Anastasia is so irritating. She’s whiny, she’s judgemental and just not likeable at all. Nathan is a wet blanket with a big dick. I’m sure some would be very excited by how much of a prince charming character he comes across but he’s so bland. Aaron was an attempt at the only child trope (a trope I as an only child despise) but was just a thoroughly vile character. Henry was blatantly written by a British person as he came across so thoroughly British in his nature I forgot he was American. I also lost track of when we discover JJ is gay and how many times Robbie is spoken about like he is able-bodied when he’s in a wheelchair. Far too many side characters for me which just burred into one mess of a cast. 

Now the setting and some of the plot points. I’m all for suspension of disbelief but do we really think a college in Los Angeles would be seemingly specialising in winter sports? Also the way most US sports work you are drafted into a team AFTER you graduate so how was Nathan already signed to a team? What was the purpose Nathan’s dad? Was he there just to be a pointless dick? Why all the side characters? Can you just swap from being a pairs skater to a solo skater? All the skaters I know went solo to pairs but never the other way round. 

Now the writing. It bothered me from the out because I could pick up this was written by someone not American. Too many phrases and ways of saying things which were so obviously British it drove me nuts. Was I shocked that the author made a joke about it in her little “About Me” bit? Nope, more shocked that her editors hadn’t pointed out just how blatant it was in places. If you’re going to write a book, at least also do some proper research on how things work in other countries. I’ve never heard an American student call it “a lecture” but that’s what college classes were referred to in this. The not understanding the basics of how the drafting systems work in sport. It might seem trivial but for me, it really bothers me when writers don’t make the effort for things to at least reflect the setting of their book. 

On the subject of things not being reflective of real life...that Uber scene. Sorry how was any of that plausible? A car with seven people including a wheelchair user (who from my imagination/understanding of the car layout would surely be in the position Nate/Stas are in??) and no one notices what you’re up to? Are they asleep? Ignorant? 

In fact this was one of my biggest problems with the book - the sex scenes. They were ridiculous. It was like reading instructions for porn scenes. I often wonder if authors who decide to make their male characters well endowed actually have experienced this themselves because if they had, they’d know that a lot of the stuff they write is nonsense. Painful, not comfortable, nonsense. I’m all for a bit of some of things going on in this but it was borderline ridiculous how much these two were at it and in the positions they were supposedly in. Athletes or not, I just wasn’t buying it. I often find first person sex scenes a bit cringe and these had me cringing. A lot. 

But my biggest problem - how was this over 400 pages? Nothing happened. It dragged on and on and on and it felt like absolutely nothing happened. 

This took me nearly a month to read. Eurgh. 

[mclhotras]

"I like your wisdom, to share will be perfect," Jai concluded, nodding to the waiter with a small smile. Although he knew that he could have eaten something more, this little setup worked for the purpose of tonight. At least with the supposed ignorance of some guests seated near them, their gossiping addiction would be sated and he wouldn't have to deal with anymore flashes.

It was due to this that he almost forgot that he was seated with the young woman, and quickly grabbed the menu from Samara and set it down to his right. He was still annoyed and becoming high-strung as this is not what he had planned for the evening. Jai had genuinely hoped for some uninterrupted conversation, perhaps an icebreaker to clear the awkwardness between them... and if he was lucky, a quick post-dinner selfie for his fans.

However with the way the restaurant had filled up, and especially near them, Jai wondered if he shouldn't just request that Samara leave with him for another place. It wasn't as though there was any rule about staying in one place, right? Just as the thought entered his head, Jai bit his lip. Of course he couldn't do that to his date - she deserved some attention and some stares. That was the whole point of this contract - for her to be able to be recognised.

"I'm so sorry Samara, I was off in another world. I haven't even complimented on how gorgeous you look this evening... although I certainly am not the only one who can see how lucky I am," he smiled, wondering if Samara had noticed how she was being stared at by other patrons, some obviously wishing they were in her place and others wondering how lucky they would be if she was with them.

Jai belatedly realised that the model had mentioned something about dessert. Maybe this was the perfect time to mention—

"I'll have to take your word for it beautiful. I am not much of a dessert person myself, so anything you choose I hope is not sweeter than my company— I would hate for you to be bested by food." Why Jai suddenly felt like teasing his company was beyond his comprehension, but he couldn't deny that there was a high chance she would respond with just as much sass. He took a sip of his wine which had been quietly placed as he was speaking and sat back, finally giving this evening a chance. Plus the beautiful young woman opposite him.

It wasn’t expected at all for Samara to see Jai standing up like that to greet her. Maybe she really had been dating the wrong types of people if no one had done that for her as of yet. But it was sweet and absolutely gentlemanly which had her grinning more than perhaps she needed to be. Still it was sweet and so when she leaned in to air kiss him, while she was tempted to tease him—she didn’t say anything more. When she mentioned being surprised at his choice of venue, she heard the unsaid words behind his explanation—basically that this was a place to be seen enough by Tanvi and so he’d gone along with it. Which did make her wonder what some of his preferred places might be—and silently she wondered if she’d have the chance to find out?

“Oh yeah? I love beets in salad mostly, otherwise not a fan really. She smiled before noting his choice of wine while she glanced up as he almost slipped up and called her by her last name. “I love a good red, but I also don’t mind a white either. Let me see the choices for tonight,” she took the menu from him and began glancing over it, taking a look at the list of wines on both sides. “I think I’m going to go with an Avocado Toast, and perhaps shall we get a bowl of the Linguine Aglio Olie e Pepperoncino to share? Would that work for you?” She looked across the table at her date for the evening.

Once their food order was taken, Samara continued to ask for her glass of wine, going with a Riesling for the night. She looked back at him though once the waiter left and held out the main menu. “You’re going to have to trust me when we order dessert, even though you’ve probably been here..I’m going to guess that you haven’t tried either of the desserts I want you to have. But basically—we’re going to order the Chocolate Fondant and the Turkish Milk Cake and I promise…you’re going to wish you bring me along to ever meal you have because I pick…the best food.

She looked back at him with a bit of a smile on her face, deciding quickly that the evening was shaping up quite well and while in all honestly it just began, she was just glad that it started on a good note. She didn't stop glancing up at him though, almost as if waiting to see if he said anything about how she looked, or about what she was presenting as she made her way here tonight. But so far--his words weren't coming which did make her wonder what had him ask her out for this date in the first place.

[blueskrugs]

Fallin' in Love (in the Middle of the Night) | Joel Farabee

or, as I said in a text to @nazdaddy a couple weeks ago: "hear me out. summer camp AU with beezer." I really miss summer camp and I feel like bee fits the vibes. I've been going to camp since I was 12 and a lot of this is based on that camp and the experiences I've had there. have fun reading!

tagging: @marcoscandellas @stlbluesbrat21 @dembenchboys @poltoncarayko @robthomissed @letmeplaytheblues @troubatrain @ayohockeycheck @blackwidowrising @aria253264 @antoineroussel @starswin @glassdanse @ch-ristiane @majdoline

length: 11k words

There was a new counselor at camp this year. His name was Joel, and no one knew much of anything about him. Most new counselors were freshly aged-out campers, or were dating a current counselor and got dragged along for the week. Joel was neither, and he’d been quiet and keeping to himself since he climbed out of his car and dumped his bags in Cabin 24 earlier that afternoon.

Avery found herself glancing over at Joel more than once while she caught up with some of her friends. He was hanging back from the clusters of other counselors, leaning against a tree and fucking around on his phone, though there was no way he was getting any reception all the way out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees. His baseball hat was on backwards, and his hair was sticking out in tufts from underneath it.

Avery’s co-counselor, Caroline, nudged her in the ribs and followed her gaze. “Think he’s cute?” she teased.

Avery scoffed, but she didn’t look away as some of the guy counselors pulled Joel into whatever dumb argument they were already having. “I’m not dealing with that shit this year,” she said. Every year without fail, there were camp crushes, and they never ended well.

“He’s in our age group,” Caroline told her, which Avery knew already. They’d all gotten the cabin assignments last week, and Avery had been wondering about the new guy since then. “You’ll get to know him, maybe change your mind,” Caroline said with a grin.

Avery rolled her eyes but didn’t get a chance to respond because the camp director was trying to get everyone’s attention so they could head up to the chapel for orientation. They went slowly, still chatting in groups and clusters, yelling out to each other as they made their way up the hill, past the dining hall and towards the chapel. Avery still found herself looking over at Joel as he ambled alongside the groups of counselors. He’s still quiet, though he’s obviously listening to the conversations around him, trying to catch up on years of history and inside jokes. He caught her eye as they duck through the double doors into the AC and sent her a grin.

Caroline might’ve been right about the cute thing.

The chapel on the campgrounds isn’t much of a chapel, and is more a big open room with some of the best wifi anywhere on the property. Somehow, Joel ended up sitting next to Avery in the circle of chairs set up in the middle of the room. He’d grabbed the orientation packet every counselor got and was flipping through it eagerly. Avery snorted softly, and she reached out with her foot to nudge Joel in the shin.

“Don’t worry, dude, it’s all common sense stuff,” she told him. Even the other new counselors, the ones who had just aged out of being campers, didn’t look concerned, though being at camp for a few years was definitely more than enough to know how to basically run the camp.

Joel looked up at her and grinned again. “Yeah, I’m getting that,” he said. “I don’t think I got your name earlier,” he added.

Avery was wearing a sticker with her name scrawled on it like everyone else, but she refrained from rolling her eyes. Barely. “It’s Avery,” she whispered as Austin, the camp director, stood in the middle of the circle.

“Who’s ready for some icebreakers?” he said, way too loud for the small space. Everyone groaned, and Caroline and Avery shared a look from across the circle. “Don’t be like that, we have some new faces, and it’s been a while since everyone’s seen each other,” Austin said.

By Avery’s count, Joel was the only counselor who was truly new, but there was no stopping Austin once he was in Camp Mode.

Two and a half hours later, after they’d painstakingly gone through every page of the counselor’s manual, they finally broke for dinner.

“Is it always like that?” Joel asked as they trooped back down the hill to the dining hall.

Caroline and Avery groaned again. Joel sent them an amused look.

“Every fucking year,” Avery told him.

“I think I have the manual memorized,” Caroline added.

Joel laughed. “Something to look forward to next year then,” he said.

Avery raised her eyebrows. “The kids haven’t even shown up yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself, you might change your mind before the week is over.”

He wouldn’t really, probably, but a week of yelling kids, walking several miles in the August heat, and shitty food definitely had the potential to drive the weak of heart away. It wouldn’t be the first time, and if they did scare Joel off, it wouldn’t be the last. Joel sat across from Caroline and Avery for dinner.

“Eat up, bud,” Avery told him, watching as Joel pushed food around on his plate. “This is the best food you’ll get all week.”

Camp food was notorious for being barely edible on a good day, but because the counselors got in for orientation on a day in-between camp sessions, the kitchen staff was able to make them an actual meal. It still wasn’t the greatest food, but at least it hadn’t been made in bulk and left to sit under heat lamps.

Joel sighed, but reached for the serving bowl next to him for seconds.

Campers arrived in two buses on Sunday afternoon, but first came breakfast and way too much downtime for the counselors. Austin always said it was good for “bonding,” even though most of the counselors had known each other since they were kids.

“How did you end up here anyway?” Avery asked Joel, who was sitting across the table from her again. He’d told her and Caroline at dinner the night before that he was from upstate New York, which was decidedly not anywhere near their little campground in the Midwest wilderness.

“Thought it would be fun,” Joel said around a mouthful of eggs.

Avery never did eat those powdered eggs they served that were a sorry excuse for fresh scrambled eggs. “Please don’t talk with your mouth full, gross,” she told him.

Joel just winked at her.

The counselors lounged around at the lakefront until it was time for the buses to start showing up. Avery caught Joel’s eye at one point in the chaos of unloading kids and their bags and directing them to the right cabins, and she laughed at the look of overwhelmed terror on his face.

The madness of the first day always made it pass quickly. Before Avery knew it, it was after dinner and everyone was trooping down to the fire ring for the opening night campfire. Avery watched as Joel’s campers clustered around him as they walked.

“Who is that?” one of her girls asked. Avery tore her eyes away.

“New counselor, Joel. He’s got our age group, I’m sure you’ll get to know him,” Avery told her. She just hoped they liked him once they got to know him.

Avery ended up sitting on a log with her campers, right behind Joel and the boys. She stared at the back of his hat while she zoned out, half-listening to the same welcome speech Austin gave every year. His backpack was unzipped.

Avery reached down and absently picked up one of the wood chips by her feet. She ran her thumb over it, still pretending to pay attention to whatever Austin was saying. One of her campers next to her caught on to her idea and snickered.

Avery tossed the wood chip in her hand into Joel’s backpack. It landed with a quiet clang as it hit a can of sunscreen, but Joel paid it no mind.

“How many before he notices, do you think?” she whispered.

“Only one way to find out,” Kate whispered back.

Avery picked up another wood chip. In the next five minutes before Austin called all the counselors down for introductions, she landed a little over a dozen more wood chips in his backpack, including one that bounced off of his back and in.

“Backpack’s unzipped,” she told him as she carefully stepped passed him, hitting the bottom of the backpack.

“Thanks, hey, what the f-“ Joel caught himself. He glared at Avery as he zipped up his backpack.

Avery laughed and went next to Caroline in the line of counselors.

It wasn’t a campfire without s’mores, and they broke out the marshmallows as the sun went down. The oldest campers were always in charge of the campfires and s’more assembly, so Avery was catching up with some of her former campers on the logs near the fire. Joel plopped down on the log next to her, one leg stretched out on either side, s’more in hand.

“Want one?” he asked, holding it in Avery’s face. His fingers were sticky with melted marshmallow.

Avery pushed his hand away. “Pass.”

Joel looked personally offended. “What kind of person doesn’t like s’mores?” he asked. Now he had melted chocolate on his upper lip. Avery was carefully not looking.

“This one,” she said. Joel reached out and tugged on her braid. “Ow, what the hell?”

“Just making sure you’re a person and not, like, a robot or something,” he said. Avery just rolled her eyes.

They found out the next morning that they were letting the boy cabins and girl cabins of the same age group sit together this year for meals. Somehow, it was actually less chaotic than if they were separated. Which is how, once again, Joel ended up across the table from Avery at breakfast. She had accepted her fate. He smiled at her, looking far too awake for so early in the morning.

“Hey! Beezer!” one of the boys yelled from the other end of the table. It sounded like Cameron, Avery thought.

“What?” Joel yelled back.

“Beezer?” Avery asked, because what the hell.

“Hang on.” Joel banged his knee on the table as he went to go talk to his boys.

“Beezer?” Avery repeated when he came back, still rubbing his knee.

“From my last name, Farabee,” he explained. “They said Joel is a weird name, so I said they could call me Bee or Beezer.”

“Yeah, because Beezer is so normal,” Avery muttered. Joel kicked her under the table.

It rained Monday afternoon. It was one of those late summer thunderstorms that blew up fast and didn’t really last very long, but it rained hard enough and long enough that all activities after lunch were cancelled. Which meant they were all trapped in their cabins with their campers.

Some of the girls were doing who-knows-what in their bunks, while most of the boys had elected to stay in their cabin with Sam. Joel had followed Avery and Caroline, though, and was now lounging in the common area with them and a handful of their campers.

“I’m bored,” Joel said. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Caroline threw a Goldfish at his head. “Ow,” he said, watching as it bounced to the floor. “Hey, I could’ve eaten that,” he whined. Caroline threw another Goldfish at him, but this time he caught it and popped it in his mouth triumphantly.

“Does anyone have a deck of cards?” Caroline asked.

“Spoons?” Avery asked, getting up to dig her cards out of her bag.

“I have markers!” one of their girls yelled, dashing off to her bunk.

Joel was sitting up again and looking more interested when Avery came back and sat back next to him. She tossed the deck to Caroline to shuffle.

His hat was crooked, and Avery absently straightened it as Joel asked, “How do you play spoons?"

Caroline gasped. “How have you never played spoons before?”

Joel shrugged as he watched the bag of markers get dumped over the table in front of him.

“It’s like musical chairs, but with cards and spoons,” Avery explained. “Alright, how many are playing?”

“That explains literally nothing,” Joel said. “I’m in.”

Avery carefully counted out six markers and laid them out on the table. Caroline started dealing cards to everyone. Joel poked Avery in the arm; she ignored him.

“You’re gonna get four cards,” Avery started explaining. “The goal is to get four of the same number, four queens, four sixes, whatever. Carol is dealer, she’ll keep sending cards around one at a time. If you see a card you want, keep it, and pick a different card from your hand and pass it on instead. First person to four of a kind grabs a marker, the person who can’t get a marker is out, and then there’s one less marker in the next round.”

Joel blinked at her a couple times. “I think I’m still confused.”

Avery laughed and patted him on the leg. “You’ll figure it out,” she told him, picking up her cards.

Joel did figure it out, but only after he was too slow in the scramble for a marker in the first round and got stuck watching for a while.

“I want back in,” he complained. He poked Avery in the back with his foot where she had moved to the floor in front of him. “You’re too fast.”

Avery reached behind her to smack his hand away. “Years of practice, bud. And you’ll get back in when this game’s over.”

Joel stuck his tongue out at Avery, but only Caroline saw it.

By the time the rain let up a little over an hour later, Avery had nearly elbowed a camper in the face fighting Joel for a marker (which she won), Joel threw a marker across the room so Caroline couldn’t get it (and was automatically disqualified), and no less than three fights had broken out.

Basically, they’d had a great time. They still kicked Joel out to go back and deal with his own campers for a while, though, on the grounds of infringing on their territory.

On Monday night, Avery was standing outside her cabin, trying to make sure her flashlight actually worked when Joel came over to her.

“What’re you up to?” he asked.

Avery clicked her flashlight off. “What’re you up to?” she countered.

“Stealing extra snacks from the staff cabin,” he said easily. “You didn’t answer me.”

Avery smiled at him. He was still wearing his baseball hat, turned around the right way now, even though it was well past dark. “I was gonna go for a walk around the campgrounds,” she told him. “Carol’s in with our kids, and I usually go out for a while before bed.”

“By yourself?”

Avery almost laughed at how worried Joel looked. “Bee, I know every inch of this campground, I’ve been coming here since I was a kid.” And then before she could think better of it: “You could come with me if you want.”

Joel’s face lit up. “For real?” Avery did laugh at his face this time.

“Yes, for real. Just let me get a hoodie.” It was still summer, but nights on the lake got chilly.

“Here, just take mine, I won’t need it,” Joel said quickly. He tossed her the hoodie he’d been wearing at dinner.

It was big on her, and warm, though it no longer carried any of his body heat. It smelled like bonfire smoke and whatever deodorant Joel wore. When he turned to head back to the main path, Avery tucked her nose into the collar and took a deep breath.

“Alright, where the fuck are we going,” Joel asked when Avery caught up to him.

Avery shrugged, though she wasn’t sure how well Joel could see it in the dark. She said, “I don’t know, we usually just wander around for a while.

“We?”

Avery usually went on night walks with one of the guy counselors she was friends with, Alex, but he wasn’t there this summer. “You don’t know him,” Avery said.

Joel huffed. “So what, am I just the other guy?” he asked.

Avery laughed. “Something like that. Ooh, there’s a paintball course on the back corner of the grounds, if I can remember how to get there,” she said, already turning so she could head in the right direction. Maybe.

“Oh, lit!”

Avery could not, in fact, remember how to get to the paintball course. They’d made it partially there before Joel got freaked out because he was convinced he’d heard something in the woods behind them. Avery telling him it was probably just a raccoon did not help.

So, they ended up turning around and heading towards the front end of the campgrounds. There was a vacation lodge on that side of the lake, which had never quite made sense to Avery. She could see some of their lights glistening on the black lake. It was a clear night, and there was no one else around, which meant stargazing. Well, after Avery convinced Joel they weren’t trespassing by laying on the tennis courts.

“Do you know anything about stars?” Joel asked. He didn’t look over at Avery, still gazing up at the sky.

Avery snorted softly. “Nah, I just think they’re pretty. You can’t see stars like this in the city.” There were still some lights scattered around the campgrounds, but it was nothing compared to the light pollution of a city. “Our old camp director used to tell us one of those myths about how the stars were created, but I don’t think I remember enough of it to repeat it.” He also used to scare the kids with ghost stories, but Joel didn’t really need to hear about how the campgrounds were haunted just yet.

“Great story,” he said. Avery smacked him on the stomach. “Ow! Hey, be nice to me, or I’ll leave you out here.”

He wouldn’t, and they both knew that.

“Hey,” Joel said suddenly, pointing straight upward. “Is that Orion?”

“Isn’t Orion a winter constellation?” Avery asked. She had no idea where Joel was pointing.

“What?”

“Never mind.”

They mostly laid in silence, just watching the stars and enjoying the closeness and the quiet. Avery always missed hearing the frogs at night when she wasn’t at camp. The black night sky stretched endlessly above them, dotted with stars. Avery would live under these stars if she could. It was getting late, though, and they still had to be up bright and early the next day, so when Avery caught Joel yawning for the third time in as many minutes, she sat up.

“Time for bed?” Joel pouted up at her. “I know the mattresses here aren’t comfortable, but I promise it’ll be better than sleeping on a tennis court,” she told him. It had only been one day of actual camp, and she could already feel some aches settling in. “C’mon, Beezer.”

Avery stood up and stretched before offering Joel a hand up. He groaned as she pulled him to his feet. They made their way back to the cabins together, still in comfortable silence, Avery still wearing Joel’s hoodie.

Joel was carefully peeling a banana when Avery and her campers made it into breakfast Tuesday morning. His hat was facing the right way for once. She dropped her backpack on the bench and groaned.

“What took you guys so long?” he asked. Almost all of the other cabins had made it to the dining hall already. He moved Avery’s bag onto the ground at his feet. “C’mon, sit, food’s coming out soon.”

“Ava lost one of her shoes, and we all had to look for it,” she told him. Joel snorted. Avery tapped the bill of his cap, shoved it down lower over his eyes. “No hats at meals,” she told him.

Joel rolled his eyes, but he took the hat off and ran his fingers through his hair. “Or what?”

“Or it goes on the moose,” Avery said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder at the taxidermied moose head that hung over the door.

Joel gave her a look, like he definitely didn’t believe her. He’d learn.

When Avery got back to the table from the bathroom before lunch later that day, there was a baseball hat hanging from the moose’s antlers. Joel was hatless and disgruntled-looking.

“Told you,” Avery said, swiping a potato chip from his plate.

She took pity on him later and fished his hat down with the broom handle.

Swim time down at the lakefront had always been Avery’s favorite parts of summer camp. In the middle of all of the craziness of the week, the lake was always peaceful and calm. Avery could take out a paddleboard or a kayak and just float, away from yelling kids, losing track of time in the glassy blue surface of the lake. She’d spend a whole day out there if they would let her.

She had snagged a paddleboard and had made it out to the middle of the lake. She was chatting with a couple of her campers when Joel approached on a kayak. “What’s up?” he asked.

“Hi, Beezer!” the girls in the canoe chorused. Avery grinned at him.

Sam came up on Avery’s other side on another paddleboard. He floated up until he bumped into Avery’s board. She wobbled, but didn’t fall over. “Oops,” Sam said.

Avery pushed Sam’s board away with her paddle. His balance wasn’t as good, and he toppled over. “Oops,” Avery echoed. Sam flipped her off where he thought the girls couldn’t see.

It was warm in the sun, and Avery leaned on her paddle, tilting her face up to the sun. Joel poked her leg with his kayak paddle. When Avery glanced back at him, his cheeks and nose were red from the sun.

“Are you wearing any sunscreen?” Avery asked him.

Joel shrugged. “Nah.”

Avery tsked at him. Sam had made it back up onto his paddleboard.

“Hey, Aves,” he said. “Water feels nice, you should try it.” He was holding his paddle a little like a spear.

They weren’t allowed to swim out in the open water of the lake where all the kayaks were, but they could get away with it if they “fell” in, which is how the counselors usually ended up spending most of their time on the lake trying to knock each other into the water. Avery knew where this was going.

Avery paddled backwards once, trying to get out of Sam’s reach, but she bumped into Joel’s kayak instead.

“Oh, no.”

Joel’s grin turned a little wicked. Avery didn’t have time to brace herself before Joel was shoving her paddleboard, and it went out from under her. She heard everyone laughing as she hit the water with a splash. She came back up, pushing her wet hair out of her face, and hooked her arms over her board. She glared at Joel.

“Rude,” she told him.

Joel shrugged. “Thought you looked hot,” he said.

The water did feel great, actually, though Avery was loath to admit it to either of the boys. Avery sighed and heaved herself back into her board, but she didn’t stand back up, instead sitting with her legs hanging in the water on either side. The girls in the canoe were still giggling, so Avery used her paddle to splash them.

“Hey, come on, they’re innocent!” Joel protested. Avery splashed him next.

Tuesday night meant all-camp kickball on the lower fields.

Avery had never been one for making a fool of herself in team sports, so she was lounging on a blanket in the grass with Caroline and a couple of the counselors for the older girls, safe from any stray flying kickballs. Avery was just debating digging through her backpack to reapply bug spray when Joel made his way over to them.

His hat was perched backwards on his head like always, and he was squinting into the setting sun as it dipped below the treeline. His forehead had gotten sunburnt from being out on the lake earlier. “We’re getting a counselors game goin’. You girls in?” he asked, but Avery had a feeling it was directed more at her than the other three.

She raised an eyebrow up at him and absently swatted at a mosquito on Caroline’s leg. “I don’t do sports,” she told him.

Joel’s face fell. Avery hadn’t even realized how earnest he’d looked. Someone on the other end of the field called his name, and he glanced over his shoulder. “You sure? It’ll be fun,” he tried.

Avery had grown up with most of the other counselors, knew firsthand just how competitive they all were. Fun, maybe, but also intense and way too serious for summer camp kickball.

“I’ll pass,” Avery said.

“Your loss,” Joel tossed back over his shoulder as he jogged away again.

Caroline was smirking. Avery half-heartedly smacked her on the arm. “He definitely has a crush on you,” she said.

“Does he think he’s being subtle?” Meg chimed in from the other side of the blanket, not looking up from the friendship bracelet she was making.

Avery flopped backwards onto the blanket with a groan.

Avery was still on her back, dozing off while listening to the sounds of yelling kids filling the humid air, when Caroline reached over and poked her in the ribs.

“Your boy is up to bat,” she said.

Meg snorted as Avery sat up and leaned back on her elbows to watch. “He’s not ‘my boy,’” Avery grumbled. Then, “Is it still called an at-bat in kickball?” She burst out laughing as Caroline rolled her eyes.

Joel was indeed up next, and Avery watched as Joel kicked the ball and sent it sailing over Drew and Sam’s heads. He easily headed to second base, but the grass was still wet from the rain on Monday, and he wiped out as he stepped on the rubber base. All four girls on the blanket burst out laughing. Joel was still sitting in the grass, looking somewhat disinclined to move.

“You really looked like you were having fun out there,” Avery said to him later, as they all walked back up to the cabins in the dark. “That wipeout was great entertainment for us, too.”

Joel took a step to the side so he could bump into Avery, but reached out to steady her when she lost her balance. “Whatever,” he said. “That really hurt, actually.”

Avery just laughed.

Joel showed up late to lunch on Wednesday with a giant bandage covering his knee and dried blood down his leg.

“What did you do to yourself?” Avery asked as he dropped into the empty spot next to her and reached for the nearest plate of food.

He still had ash streaked across his cheek from firebuilding that morning, when he’d bet Avery that he could build a fire faster than her. (He’d won, but only barely, and because he’d used a battery instead of flint, like they were supposed to.)

Joel didn’t pause in piling food on his plate. “Jackson left his water bottle down at archery, so I went back down to get it for him, and when I was running back up the hill, I slipped on some loose gravel and fell. I think there might be some gravel in my knee now,” he said. Some of the kids at the table laughed.

“You’re a mess,” Avery told him with a sigh.

They were back down the hill towards archery after lunch on Wednesday to hang out in the Nature Center for the afternoon.

“Alright, please fill me in on what we’re doing today,” Joel asked, falling into step next to Avery.

One of Joel’s campers turned around to walk backwards in front of them. “We get to play with snakes!” he said. His name was Jack, Avery was pretty sure, who was very different from Jackson. It all got a little confusing after a while.

“Cool!” Joel said.

Avery rolled her eyes. She poked Joel in the ribs. “You would get excited about that.” He flinched away and pouted at her. It wasn’t that Avery hated the Nature Center, but the animals were the same every year, and you can only get excited about them so many times.

“What? Snakes are cool,” Joel defended.

“Boys,” Avery sighed, walking faster so she could be next to Caroline instead.

Disdain in front of Joel aside, it was fun to get to chill in the AC and hang out with the animals for a while. There was a little milk snake that loved to chill out in people’s hands named Dudley that all the counselors were weirdly fond of. Plus, they got to play around with the ferret they had, which was always highly entertaining.

Joel was just as excited as the kids, which Avery had to admit was kind of cute. He bounced around and looked eagerly into various cages with the kids. Avery and Caroline watched from a couple of the chairs in the corner, content to just hang out until the snakes came out.

“D’you think I’d get in trouble if I put him in Joel’s hood?” Avery mused, idly watching Dudley calmly wind his way around her wrist. Joel’s back was to her, and he was wearing a hoodie despite it being nearly 100 degrees outside.

Caroline giggled. “That’s mean.”

Dudley was making his way back towards Avery’s hand now. “He did say he wanted to hold him,” she said. And with that, Avery took a step forward and carefully deposited Dudley in Joel’s hood, where he promptly curled back up to sleep.

“What are you doing?” Joel asked.

“Just fixing your hood,” Avery said innocently, patting him on the shoulder and taking another step forward and pretending to read the info card of the cage they were standing in front of.

“Avery.” Avery glanced over at Joel. His arms were crossed, but he looked like he was fighting back a smile. “Why is my hood moving.” It wasn’t phrased much like a question.

Avery bit back a smile of her own. “Is it?” Dudley’s head popped out of the hood just then, slithering up onto Joel’s shoulder a little bit. He startled, then shot Avery a dirty look. Avery couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re actually the worst, why.” Dudley continued to make his way across Joel’s shoulder, happy to explore. “Help,” Joel whined, “I don’t think I can reach him, and I don’t wanna drop him.”

“Hold still,” she said, carefully reaching to grab Dudley back out. “Here, he likes to be held.”

Joel obediently held his hands out to take Dudley from Avery. “Hey, take my picture will you?”

Even if Avery never spoke to Joel again after this summer, she was definitely going to keep the picture she took of Joel grinning at the camera with a snake in his hands.

They were walking past the dam later when one of the boys stopped short. Joel, not paying any attention, bumped into him.

“Hey, Avery,” Jack said.

“Hey, Jack,” Avery said back.

“Can we go check out the cemetery?”

Avery shuddered. “Absolutely not.” She wondered who had told the boys about it.

Joel looked at Avery, wide-eyed. “There’s a cemetery here?”

“Yes, and we’re not going back there,” she told him. Several of the boys groaned, put-out. Joel still looked a little nervous, so Avery added, “These grounds used to be privately owned. The cemetery is hidden behind the dam, most people don’t even know about it.” That last part was directed more at their nosy campers.

They had started walking again. Up ahead, one of the campers yelled, “Wait, does that mean no one’s told Beezer that the campgrounds are haunted?”

“They’re what?”

Avery was not too proud to admit that she hated the barn dance a little bit. It was fun for a little while, but after about twenty minutes, it just became hot and dusty. Avery had never been good at following along with the steps they tried to teach, and it was a lot more fumbling and embarrassment than it was worth.

This year she made it through the Cha Cha Slide– which they normally didn’t play until the very end– before she dipped and left the barn to go sit back on the blanket with Meg and Caroline. They spent most of their time just laughing at their friends as they struggled to keep up with music. Avery had only been sitting out for ten minutes when Joel emerged from the crowd and made his way towards them.

“Scoot,” he said, carefully sitting next to Avery. Meg raised her eyebrows at Avery behind Joel’s back.

“Not one for dancing?” Avery asked him.

Joel stuck his tongue out at her. “You’re one to talk, you’ve been sitting over here forever.” Avery stuck her tongue out back.

“Real mature, you two,” Caroline muttered from next to them.

“Hey, wait, actually,” Joel said, reaching out to tug on Avery’s arm. He pulled her closer to him, until she was situated between his legs, leaning back against his chest. He draped his arms across her shoulders and rested his chin on the top of Avery’s head. “That’s better.”

“You’re so weird,” Avery said, but she relaxed into his hold. She rested her hands on his and settled back in to watch the semi-organized chaos of the barn dance going on in front of them.

Thursday morning found Joel hunched over a Styrofoam cup of coffee with his glasses on and hoodie pulled up over his head.

“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” Avery said, sitting across from him and swiping his coffee for a sip.

“Hey,” Joel whined, “I need that.”

Avery snorted and handed him his coffee back. “Why are you so tired, anyway?” Avery had gone back to the cabin after barn dance and passed out herself.

Joel made a noise in the back of his throat. “We couldn’t get the boys to shut up and settle down last night.” Said boys were at the other end of the table, looking about as tired as Joel, actually.

“Y’all better wake up down there,” Avery called. “We’ve got Alpine today.” “What the hell is the Alpine Tower, anyway?” Joel asked. “No one will tell me.”

The Alpine Tower was hard to describe, and it was better to experience for the first time if you didn’t know what you were getting into, so Avery just said, “You’ll see.”

Joel groaned and put his head down on the table.

After breakfast, Joel was by Avery’s side, as was becoming typical, as they started the trek towards Alpine Tower. He’d woken up considerably as his coffee hit. “How far is it anyway?” he asked.

“Far,” everyone else chorused. Joel looked taken aback.

“You should know by now that nothing here is ever a short walk,” Avery told him. The shortest walk on the grounds was probably from the cabins to the dining hall, and that was still almost half a mile. Ahead of them, a group of their campers were chattering excitedly about their climbs later.

Joel reached out and tugged on Avery’s braid where it was pulled over her shoulder. “You should give me a piggyback ride.” Avery raised an eyebrow at him. Joel easily had a head on her. “Or you could give me one,” she countered, not really expecting Joel to take her up on it.

Except. “Only if you carry my backpack,” Joel said, already shrugging off his backpack and handing it to Avery.

She laughed. “Bud, I was joking.”

Joel adjusted his hat and came to a stop next to Avery. He was eyeing her expectantly. “Last chance.”

Avery sighed and put Joel’s backpack on over hers. “Jesus Christ, what do you have in this thing?” she asked. It was heavier than hers by a lot. Joel crouched down so Avery could climb onto his back.

“Wood chips,” Joel deadpanned as he adjusted Avery on his back, hiking her up a little higher. Avery tightened her arms around Joel’s neck.

“You’re ridiculous,” she muttered, but Joel didn’t respond as he started walking again, jogging a little to catch up with Caroline and the kids.

Caroline gave them both a look as they reached the rest of their group, but didn’t comment. Joel carried Avery for most of the long walk towards Alpine, and it was mostly fine, except for the moment he stopped to hike her legs up higher around his waist again and nearly accidentally flipped Avery over his head.

He came to a stop as they reached the first big hill. “Nope, ride’s over. Sorry, sweetheart, I don’t do hills.” He let Avery slide off his back and back onto the ground.

“Sweetheart?”

Joel blushed a little and wouldn’t meet Avery’s eyes. Avery purposely bumped into him as they both started walking again. Joel was panting by the time they made it to the top of the second steep hill, but he stopped short once he saw the Alpine Tower for the first time.

“Oh, hell no,” he said.

Avery laughed and went to drop down in the wood chips on the ground next to Caroline.

“What took you two so long?” she asked.

“Joel’s slow,” Avery told her.

“I heard that!” Joel called. He was only a few feet away, sitting on the low bench next to one of his campers.

“You were meant to!” Avery called back.

The Alpine Tower had once been described to Avery as “a rock wall on steroids.” What it really was was a triangular platform fifty feet in the air, and it was up to the climber to figure out how to get to the top. Each of the three sides were varying degrees of difficulty, and it was always one of Avery’s favorite camp activities. When she glanced over her shoulder, Joel was still staring up at it.

“Scared, Beezer?” she asked.

Joel scoffed, but he didn’t quite look like he meant it.

They made it through the safety demonstration and got a couple kids going up the Tower, and Avery settled in to watch, cheer her kids on, and wait for her turn. Until someone started pelting her with wood chips from behind.

“Can I help you?” she asked, turning around to glare at Joel.

He was already in the middle of throwing another wood chip at her, and it hit her in the forehead this time. “Oops.” He didn’t look particularly sorry, actually. “You gonna climb?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course,” she said. “Are you?” Joel just shrugged. “Wouldn’t have pegged you to be scared of heights,” she added.

Joel stuck his tongue out at her. “I’m not. Just-” he trailed off.

“How ‘bout this,” Avery said, turning fully to face Joel. “I’ll race you to the top. I’ll even let you take the easy side,” she told him. She’d been planning on taking one of the harder sides, anyway, but Joel didn’t need to know that. Joel rolled his eyes, but Avery saw a familiar glint at the prospect of a competition. “Unless you’re too scared, Bee,” she added, just a taunt, really.

“Whatever, you’re on,” he said, half-heartedly throwing another wood chip at Avery’s leg. Avery grinned at him, and Joel grinned back. Caroline shook her head at both of them.

After all the kids had taken their turn at climbing, the counselors were allowed to strap themselves into harnesses and helmets. Avery and Joel stood next to each other in the shadow of the Tower, listening as they were attached to ropes and given final instructions by the climbing staff.

“Fuck, this thing is tight,” Joel muttered, shifting uncomfortably.

“Shh, language,” Avery scolded. Their campers were all in high school, and they’d probably all heard or said “fuck” themselves by now, but still. Joel flicked her in the helmet. “Hey, be nice to me, and I might let you win.”

Joel huffed. “Let me win, sure, alright.”

“Good luck, Bee,” Avery yelled to him, already heading over to start her climb.

She was on the “middle” side, which was harder than the side Joel was starting on, but Avery had the advantage of having climbed that side more than once before. It didn’t take long before she had caught back up to Joel, who had sort of gotten himself stuck.

“Help?” he called, trying to look for a way to keep moving forward.

“Sucks to suck, Beezer,” Avery called back, reaching up to pull the cargo net she was about to climb towards her. This is where it got harder, requiring more upper body strength than Avery actually had, but when she glanced back over her shoulder, Joel had gotten himself unstuck and was moving again.

She stopped paying attention to Joel mostly after that, though she did hear a thump and then an “Ow,” that she was assuming was Joel hitting his head on something, which would definitely not have been the first time someone had done it.

She was about to climb her last stretch of cargo net when she heard, “Shit, why are you so good at this?” from below her. “Quit checking out my ass, Joel,” she yelled without turning around. She cackled when she heard Joel make loud noises of protest. It didn’t really matter; she had a race to win.

In the end, Avery barely made it to the top of the Tower before Joel. She had just stood up on the platform when one of Joel’s hands appeared, grappling for the little rock climbing rocks they had for grip on the top of the platform.

“A little help?” he asked. She could just barely see his head.

“You made it this far, you can do it,” she told him, but she took a couple steps closer to him. It was entirely ungraceful, but Joel eventually scrambled onto the platform and then to his feet.

Avery took a moment to appreciate the view. They were high, above the treeline, and trees stretched out in all directions for as far as Avery could see.

“Fuck, we’re high up,” he said.

“Stop saying fuck,” Avery chided, but she offered him a high five. “Told ya you could do it.”

“Have I told you that I hate you?” Joel asked, shaking his head. He took the high five, though. “Wait, how do we get down again?”

Alpine Tower took up most of the morning, and by the time they all made it back to the dining hall, lunch was already in full swing. Joel stretched out on the bench with a sigh.

“How am I already sore?” he asked, to no one in particular.

Avery nudged his leg. “Move over, dude, the rest of us have to sit, too.”

Joel groaned, but sat up, though he was still sitting sideways on the bench. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on Avery’s shoulder. She patted him absently on the thigh. One of the campers was setting out lunch on their table, and she was trying to see what it was.

“I’m tired,” Joel said. He was quiet for once, and Avery barely heard him over the general din of lunch.

“You can take a nap instead of coming out to the mud cave, meet up with us again for swim time,” she said, knowing full well he wouldn’t do that. He’d been talking about the mud cave ever since Avery had told him about it on Sunday night.

Joel sat upright again. “No way, I wanna get dirty.”

Avery groaned. “Please never say that again.” Joel wiggled his eyebrows at her. She knocked his baseball hat off his head.

The two cabins met back in the circle drive outside the dining hall after lunch, dressed in their dingiest clothes and oldest shoes, ready to pile into the old van that took them out to the edge of the campgrounds. For once, Joel wasn’t wearing a baseball hat. He couldn’t stand still, bouncing around while he chattered with his boys while they waited.

The van pulled up, as rickety and rusty as ever, helmets were handed out, and everyone clambered into the van. There wasn’t a lot of space, and it was hot as the van made its slow way across camp.

“Why is everyone wearing their helmets already?” Joel asked, as the van hit a bump in the road and Joel bounced high enough in his seat to hit his head on the roof. “Ow, okay.”

Eventually the van came to a stop at the creek that cut across the overgrown field they were in. Everyone piled out of the van, blinking in the sunlight.

“So, where’s the cave?” Joel asked. A couple people laughed.

“Across the creek, through the field, and then about another mile into the woods,” Avery told him, patting him on the shoulder as she went past him towards the creek. The campers had already started wading across. When she glanced back over her shoulder at him, he looked a little dismayed.

The creek was clear and cold despite the late summer heat. It came up just past Avery’s waist as she splashed across. The field on the other side was just as overgrown as the one they started in, if not more, and everyone tried to get through it and away from all the bees as fast as possible.

“Is it really that far of a walk?” Joel asked as he caught back up to Avery. His nose had gotten sunburnt at some point, was peeling a little.

“Unfortunately,” Avery said. They were walking back into the shade of the woods now. Avery’s shoes were still squishing a little from the creek, and she could already feel a blister forming on her heel.

Joel groaned, but he was otherwise quiet as they kept walking. They walked in silence for a while, and Avery basked in the sunlight filtering through the trees and the sounds of the birds and cicadas.

“How much farther?” Joel whined after a while. Avery bumped sideways into him.

“We’re almost through the week, don’t tell me you can’t handle a little walking now,” she teased.

Joel bumped into Avery back. “Sorry, one of us walked all the way up to Alpine Tower today,” he said.

“Hey, I walked up the hills at the end!” Avery protested. It wasn’t like she had begged Joel for a piggyback ride, either. Joel rolled his eyes at her.

They had finally reached the cave, and everyone was clustered around the permanent member of the camp staff who would lead their group. The kids were listening eagerly, but Joel was paying attention to literally anything else.

Avery nudged him with her elbow. “Focus, Beezer,” she whispered.

Joel stuck his tongue out at Avery, but started paying attention to where their leader was warning them about bats. “Hang on, you never said anything about bats,” Joel hissed. In front of them, the kids were lining up to head into the cave. Avery just grinned at him and shoved him forward to walk in front of her.

It was immediately cooler when they stepped into the cave. With all the rain on Monday, the water was higher than some years, and it was quickly up over Avery’s shins. In front of her, Joel clicked his flashlight on, but it did little as they made their way deeper into the blackness of the cave.

“Shit, this water’s freezing,” Joel said, way too loudly.

Avery laughed quietly. She felt her shoe unstick from the mud as she took another step. “I don’t know what you expected,” she whispered. It was hard to navigate the uneven footing in the dark and the water, and she tripped a little bit as the ground sloped suddenly beneath her. She caught herself with a hand on Joel’s back. “Shit, sorry,” she said.

Joel didn’t say anything, but he slowed down a bit so Avery could stay closer to him and his little circle of light. He kept a hand outstretched behind him in case Avery tripped again. It was quiet in the cave, just the sounds of everyone making their way through the muddy water and the occasional quiet giggle or curse from the campers. Avery lost track of time a bit, and before she knew it they had reached the back of the cave. All flashlights were turned off, and they stood quietly in the pitch black for a few long moments. Joel was standing close enough to Avery that she could feel his body heat, chasing away some of the chill of the cave. When they finally turned to leave and headed back out of the cave, Joel’s hand found the small of her back, steadying her, just for a second.

At the mouth of the cave, their leader insisted on streaking mud across everyone’s face before they could leave. Joel wrinkled his nose and poked at his cheek as they stepped back out into the sunlight. “Feels weird,” he complained.

“The mud is what you have a problem with?” Avery asked. Yeah, it itched a little as it was drying, but they were also covered in muddy water, well past both of their knees.

Joel just shrugged.

The walk back to the creek always seemed longer. It was still hot and humid, even in the shade of the woods, but it felt worse after spending almost an hour in freezing water and the damp dark of the cave. Everyone walked slower, dragging their soggy feet.

Joel ended up in the creek ahead of Avery. The kids were splashing around, relishing in the clean water.

“Hey, Bee,” Avery called.

Joel turned towards her, but Avery missed a drop-off of the rocks that made up the creek bed, and stumbled. Joel caught her quickly before she face-planted into the water.

“Careful,” he said, grinning down at her. “No need to throw yourself at me,” he added.

Avery rolled her eyes. She had found her footing, but Joel was still clutching her arms. She pushed at his chest and laughed as his heel slipped and he fell backwards. He disappeared under the water for a moment.

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that,” he said when he reappeared.

Avery tried to dash away, but the water came up over her waist, which made it hard to move quickly. She splashed as much as she could, but she felt Joel grab her around the waist and haul her backwards until they were both falling back underwater. Avery shrieked. Joel let go of her after they both went under, and Avery pushed herself away and stood back up. They were both soaked now. Joel was laughing, and Avery couldn’t help but to laugh, too.

“Alright, you two,” Caroline yelled from the shore. “Quit flirting and get out of the creek.”

They both grumbled about it, but they made it to the other side of the creek without further incident.

Back into the van everyone went. It felt less hot with everyone still chilled from the cave and playing in the creek. Joel slid in next to Avery, pressed up against her side. They were stopping off at the lakefront swim next instead of going back to their cabins, and Avery was looking forward to spending more time out in the sun on the lake. Joel nudged her in the ribs with his elbow, drawing her attention away from where she was staring out the window.

“You goin’ out on the lake?” he asked quietly. The van jolted, and he ended up nearly in Avery’s lap for a moment.

“Of course,” Avery said back.

“Wanna grab a canoe together and chill?”

Avery thought for a moment. “Not interested in trying to knock me off a paddle board some more?” she teased.

Joel shook his head, grinning at Avery. His helmet was off, and his hair was a mess from being underneath it. “Too tired,” he said.

“Lame,” Avery said. Then, “Dibs on the front of the canoe.”

It didn’t take long to change out of their drenched and muddy clothes into swimsuits and commandeer a canoe. Joel got stuck doing most of the steering, with Avery only paddling when necessary. They mostly just drifted, letting the breeze push them along the open water. The lake was steel grey, the sky above them dark with clouds that had rolled in while they were in the cave, threatening more rain. Avery sat back and let her fingers brush across the water.

“Hey,” Joel said. His voice echoed a little, carrying across the lake. “Look at me for a sec.”

Avery turned as much as she could without jostling the canoe. Joel had his phone out, and when she turned, Avery heard the artificial shutter sound as Joel snapped a picture of her. She flipped him off with a grin; he took a picture of that, too.

The dining hall seemed extra loud that night, campers running back and forth between tables, everyone desperate for a few extra minutes with their friends before everyone went their separate ways the next day.

“You’ve got a little-” Joel poked the dried mud Avery still had across her cheekbones, sitting next to her at their table.

She swatted his hand away. “Shut up, I didn’t have time to shower after swim.” Joel slid down the bench, away from Avery. “Okay, rude,” she said. Joel grinned at her. He didn’t move any closer.

After dinner was the closing campfire. They were at the big fire ring this time, down near the lakefront as the sun set. Joel found Avery sitting on one of the benches off to the side of the fire by herself and plopped down on the bench next to her. His backpack made a muffled thump when he dropped it in the wood chips at their feet.

Avery dropped her head to rest on Joel’s shoulder. “I’m tired, Bee,” she whined. As much as she loved camp, it usually kicked her ass by the end of the week.

Joel laughed softly and patted Avery on the thigh. “Last day tomorrow,” he reminded her.

Avery stared into the flickering flames until her eyes went unfocused. “But I don’t wanna go home.”

She didn’t want to leave camp, her happy place, didn’t want to leave Joel, who she was maybe falling in love with, didn’t want to leave her friends and the endless days of summer behind.

Joel laughed again, but it wasn’t mean. “I get that.” The kids were starting in on their s’mores. “I wasn’t sure how much I was gonna like it here, honestly. Especially when I got here and everyone else already knew each other, and I was just the new guy.”

Avery lifted her head and looked at Joel. The firelight was casting shadows across his face, but he was gazing out over the lake. His hand was still on Avery’s leg, just above her knee.

“Did you like it after all?” Avery asked. She thought about him talking about next year on the very first day, saying he thought camp would be fun.

Joel grinned then, and it was familiar and comforting. Avery hadn’t expected that to happen at the beginning of the week.

She found herself wanting to see Joel’s smile forever.

“Yeah, I did,” was all Joel said. Avery put her head back on his shoulder.

They were quiet for a few minutes as the sun sank fully below the treeline and the lake glowed red next to them. Avery shivered in spite of the warm air as a wind blew. Joel bumped her head with his shoulder so Avery sat back up, and then he was bending over to dig something out of his backpack. He dropped a hoodie in Avery’s lap. She hadn’t seen him wearing it ever during the evening, which meant he’d thrown it in his bag just for her. She pulled it on with a small smile.

“You might not get this back, bud,” she told him, tugging the sleeves over her hands. Guys’ hoodies always seemed more comfortable than any sweatshirt Avery had ever owned herself.

Joel just shook his head at her and tugged on her braid, but it was gentle, half-hearted.

“Oh, wait, I’ll be right back,” Joel said, jumping back up and disappearing towards the s’mores table. When he came back a few minutes later, he had a s’more in one hand.

“What, nothing for me?” Avery teased.

“No, because you don’t like chocolate, you freak,” Joel said, but he reached into his shorts pocket and triumphantly produced an unopened sleeve of graham crackers, tossing them to Avery. She squinted suspiciously at him as he sat back down. “Carol told me you’ll eat the graham crackers,” he said casually.

Avery opened the crackers carefully and stuck one in her mouth. “Thanks, Bee,” she said around it. It came out softer than she meant for it to.

Joel winked at her and stole a graham cracker.

Every year, there were rumours of campers planning to sneak out of their cabins on the last night of camp. Really, they were terrible at being discreet about it, but they thought they were being subtle. Regardless, the counselors still had to be careful and watch to make sure no one actually did manage to sneak out.

Which is how Avery and Joel ended up sitting out in front of the stars at the small fire ring in front of their cabins, perched on the cold stone wall with both of their cabins in view. Avery was still wearing Joel’s hoodie.

“Do you think they’ll actually do it?” Joel asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

Avery shook her head and tilted her chin to look up at the stars. “Probably not, but I’m not about to get in trouble with Austin if they do.” It had happened once while she was still a camper, and it hadn’t exactly been pretty the next day with an entire cabin in trouble.

It had been cloudy earlier in the day, but it had cleared up, and the stars were as bright as ever above them. The moon was low and yellow in the humid air. Avery wished for a second that she had a camera to capture this moment, a memory to last forever.

Joel mimicked Avery, looking up at the stars. “Bright tonight,” he said. Avery hummed in agreement. “Hey, you know what we should do after the kids fall asleep?” he asked suddenly.

Avery raised an eyebrow at him. “Sleep?”

Joel huffed out a quiet laugh. “I wanna check out that cemetery you guys were talking about,” Joel said.

“At night?” Avery said. “Hell no, it’s creepy enough during the daytime,” she told him.

She’d been back there once before, years ago. There were broken headstones scattered throughout the overgrown grass, and it was shaded by the dam and a dozen trees, making it cooler, even in the heat of summer. It felt like it was a world away from the rest of the camp, quiet and eerie, and Avery had zero plans of ever going back there.

Joel rolled his eyes. “You know what else we could do?” He turned so he was facing Avery.

She tilted her head to look at him. He was smiling softly at her. It was a little scary how quickly he’d become a part of Avery’s life, how she went from knowing nothing about him to trusting that he’d always be by her side.

“I don’t know, Joel, what could we do?” Avery whispered.

Joel’s smile grew, and then he was leaning in. Avery’s eyes closed as their lips met. Joel’s hand was wrapped around one of Avery’s wrists, thumb rubbing absently over the skin there. When he pulled away, he was still smiling. They were sitting closer together than they had been, though Avery wasn’t sure which one of them had moved.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all week,” Joel admitted.

“Well, why didn’t you?” Avery asked, and then she was wrapping a hand around the back of his neck to pull him in for another kiss. She could feel Joel smiling into the kiss, even as he tugged her closer.

Distantly, Avery heard a cabin door open. She pulled away to turn and look, and Joel dropped his head to her shoulder. Avery ran her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. Caroline was walking towards them.

“I was going to tell you that the kids are asleep and you two can come back inside, but you seem pretty busy,” she said once she got closer.

They both flipped her off, and she laughed at them as she turned and headed back into the girls’ cabin. Avery shivered in spite of herself then. Joel rubbed his free hand over Avery’s thigh, a little bit for warmth, and a little bit just to touch her, because he could do that now.

“Last day tomorrow,” Joel murmured. Avery leaned closer.

“Don’t wanna talk about that,” she said. She looked back up at the stars, hoping that they would have some answers, for how she was feeling, for how she was going to go back to a normal life after this.

Joel used a finger to pull Avery’s chin towards him again, to press one last kiss to her lips. He used the hand on her wrist to pull her to her feet.

“Better get to bed,” he said, and it sounded a little wistful.

As much as she didn’t want to leave Joel, Avery was cold, and her ass hurt from sitting on the concrete wall for so long. “Walk me to my door?” she asked. The cabin was only a couple hundred feet away, but she was going to hold onto every last moment. Joel held his arm out for her to loop hers through. “Don’t want to get attacked by a raccoon or something,” she added.

Joel ducked his head and stole one last kiss when he dropped her off, Avery’s hand already on the doorknob.

“See you tomorrow,” she whispered to his retreating back.

The last day of camp was always weird. The buses didn’t come to pick up the campers until after lunch, which left several weird hours of downtime to kill in between cabin cleanout and the time everyone actually left camp. Even with everyone still lingering and saying their goodbyes, with the cabins standing empty, camp had an eerie and melancholy feel.

Cleaning out the cabins was always a mad scramble of kids hunting down their belongings and cleaning up week-old messes. They only had half an hour after breakfast before they had to be out of the cabins, and there was never enough time.

“How does someone always lose a towel?” Avery asked Caroline. “How do you not realize you don’t have your swim towel?”

Joel had sat next to Avery at breakfast, like usual, but they hadn’t talked about the night before, or what was going to happen in the future. Avery was trying her best not to think about it. Which is to say, it was all she could think about.

Caroline waved her hand in front of Avery’s face, jarring her back to the present. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” she asked.

“Joel,” Avery admitted.

Caroline smirked. “I can’t believe it took you two that long to get your shit together. Thought for sure you’d be hooking up after the first night.”

Avery shoved at Caroline’s arm until she fell off the path and stepped into the grass, cackling. “Why am I friends with you.” Caroline stepped back on the sidewalk. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do. Summer camp is a whole different world from everything else.”

“I think you’re overthinking this,” Caroline told her. Ahead of them, Joel was helping one of the younger boys carry his heavy bag. Avery sighed.

“I don’t even think he lives around here,” Avery said, remembering when Joel had told them he was from New York. She had never thought to ask how exactly he’d come across their little camp, how he’d ended up in the Midwest.

Caroline shoved her back. “You know how you could find all that out?” she asked. “Talk to him.”

They had caught up to Joel. “Who are we talking to?” he asked, shooting Avery a knowing look.

They lost him in the chaos of trying to organize all the kids’ luggage into the proper bus piles, but he cornered Avery in the basement of the dining hall as she was about the head back upstairs.

“Hi,” she said. He was wearing his hat the right way around for once. Avery reached up and flipped it backwards, so she could pull him down for a quick kiss. Joel’s hand was warm on her waist.

“What was that for?” Joel asked, but he ducked down to steal another kiss. “Heard we needed to talk about something,” he went on, without waiting for Avery to respond. She poked him in the stomach, got him to back off from where he was caging her in against a wall.

“How does this work?” Avery asked. Joel had taken a step back, but he stayed close, close enough that Avery could see the way his eyebrows furrowed when she spoke.

“What do you mean?”

“Camp doesn’t last forever, Joel,” Avery said.

“So what, this has to end?” Joel asked.

Avery took another step away from Joel. “I don’t know, does it?” she snapped. “What even is ‘this,’ anyway?”

Joel stepped closer and took Avery’s hand. “I don’t know, but I know that I like you, and that I want to find out,” he said.

Avery looked up at Joel. The look in his eyes was earnest, genuine. She felt the fight drain out of her. “How do we do that?” she murmured.

“We’ll figure it out as we go, yeah?”

Avery smiled. “Yeah.”

When they made it back upstairs, Caroline was shuffling a deck of cards, and there was a pile of spoons stolen from the kitchen in the middle of the table. Joel was still holding tightly to Avery’s hand as they walked. A couple campers made room for them at the table, and his hand rested on her thigh instead. Avery leaned into his side.

“Deal us in,” she said.

[kaistarus]

The Only Exception

Pairing: NishinoyaXReader

Words: 2.2K

Summary: Nishinoya was genuinely happy with his life. He’d gotten used to being by himself and had accepted the fact that that was how it was supposed to be. Until you came along and threw everything he thought made sense out the window.

A/N: I really like this fic. It’s one of my favorites Nishinoya ones so far just because it’s his pov and timeskip and the amount of love feels makes me happy. i got a lot of serotonin while writing it :D

Masterlist

Nishinoya had never been someone’s first choice.

He knew that sounded dramatic, but it was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, Tanaka could chug three-fourths gallon of milk before vomiting, and Nishinoya was never anyone’s preferred option--which never bothered him so keep the pity to yourself.

He learned to accept this when he never got scouted for the All-Japan Youth Camp and after the only person Nishinoya ever even kind of loved ended up loving his best friend. It taught him to keep his expectations low and to focus on things he could control, which was what led him to solo-traveling Japan and then the world. He realized things might be better on his own, and with the constant itch that he was missing out on something bigger traveling alone just made sense.

But then you came and ruined everything.

Hold on. That came off way more aggressive than Nishinoya wanted. He meant there was a perfect vision for how his life would go-pyramids in Egypt, Hollywood sign in Los Angeles, deep sea fishing in Italy-until he toppled over you in the streets of Italy. He’d been sprinting toward the docks when you stepped out of a marketplace and he collided into you, knocking you flat on your butt and sending your groceries all over the sidewalk. Nishinoya fumbled through his best apology in broken Italian while shoving produce into your paper bag, but froze in surprise when you snorted rather than began an enraged lecture.

He swore his heart actually stopped when your eyes met. You were clearly amused by his flustered behavior and when his heart started back up it was abnormally fast. Not once had he understood what Tanaka meant when he explained the first time he’d seen Kiyoko, but the first time Nishinoya saw you everything Tanaka said clicked. If Nishinoya had been fifteen he probably would’ve proposed to you on the spot.

But he wasn’t, so instead he shakily handed you your groceries with furiously red cheeks.

“Come ti chiami?” You asked with a raised brow.

Nishinoya blinked several times. He racked his brain for what he’d been taught on his last fishing trip, but it was mostly curses and inappropriate sayings he should probably avoid using. He was pretty sure Duolingo mentioned ‘chiamo’ as name though.

“Nishinoya?” He answered like a question and felt relief wash over him when you nodded.

“What are you doing this weekend, Nishinoya?”

He stared blankly before pointing at you with wide eyes, “I understood that.”

“Well you obviously don’t know Italian,” you rolled your eyes and he pouted at the incredibly accurate jab, “so, are you free?”

He looked around the empty street before pointing to himself. “Are you still talking to me?”

“Is there another Nishinoya around here?”

“I mean, there could be.” He looked up thoughtfully. “The odds would be crazy though.”

You laughed lightly which made a warmth creep up his neck. “I’m talking to you. I’m trying to ask you on a date.”

He looked at you like you’d grown a second head. “Why?”

“You’re attractive and you seem nice,” you cocked your head to the side. “Is that not a good reason?”

He stared at the ground intensely. “I guess… It is?” Then his original reason for being there struck him and his eyes widened. “Oh shit. I have to go,” he started leaving before quickly coming back. “Wait, I, uh, yes. Yes to the date thing.”

You chuckled, pulling a cellphone from your pocket to let him hurriedly create his contact before continuing his sprint to the docks-with a teasing recommendation not to knock anyone else over. That literal run in was the moment his entire world view became out of whack.

It wasn’t that he thought he was immune to liking someone-high school Nishinoya fell for any breathing human that gave him attention-he just lost the ability to imagine someone liking him. Maybe he’d been by himself too long or maybe that was just another fact he’d grown used to. He didn’t know anymore.

He did know that when he showed up at the restaurant thirty minutes early-there’s only so much pacing someone can do before they go insane-he hadn’t expected to see you. Just sitting on a bench beside the main entrance, looking too perfect while bouncing a knee and nibbling on your thumb nail as if you were nervous to be there.

Except it was only him, so that wouldn’t make sense.

“Hey,” you said when you spotted him standing in the middle of the sidewalk like an idiot.

“You’re here,” he raised a brow. You took it as the time, but he meant it in a general sense. He truly hadn’t expected you to show up.

“Oh,” you chuckled awkwardly, twisting the material of your clothes. “Yeah, I was kind of nervous.”

He mulled that over for admittedly too long, but it just seemed like such a stupid thing to say. It wasn’t that you looked stupid, but that’s what made it so confusing.

“You’re also early.” You pointed out when the silence became awkwardly long.

“I was nervous.” He said like it should have been obvious.

“At least we’re starting on equal ground,” you said with a shaky breath.

Equal ground? He wasn’t sure his brain was cut out for this type of critical thinking. He’d even spent the past few days planning for every scenario-even you sneaking out the bathroom like in the movies-but he never pictured you being nervous.

“Uh, yeah,” he tapped against his leg while glancing through the window at the half-filled dining area, “we can probably go inside.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” you gave him a quick finger gun before whipping around with shoulders to your ears.

Nishinoya blinked several times before looking back down the street. A part of him thought about running, saving you both from the shitty date to come filled with awful conversation starters he’d pulled from an online article for high schoolers. However his fate was sealed the moment you sent a gentle smile over your shoulder and his feet began following you through the door without his permission.

Ever since that day he’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ever since you giggled behind your hand instead of wincing at the terrible jokes he regretted the moment they left his mouth; ever since you weren’t burdened by the need to translate for him the whole night; and ever since you were amused rather than annoyed at his nervous rambling and awkward icebreakers.

It was just too good to be true.

Like the first time you came over and teased him for the cheesy dialogue in his favorite action movies. How his chest ached when your head rested in his lap and you gazed at him with overwhelming amounts of affection. He’d never dreamed he’d have this-couldn’t have if he tried. Sharing his favorite things with someone while they traced designs against his palm and occasionally sealing them with featherlight kisses. The fire it sent up his arm was too much and not enough and he hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted this.

It was a little scary how much Nishinoya didn’t want to lose it.

And that thought started keeping him up at night. Nishinoya was never really scared of anything-it was kind of what he was known for everywhere he traveled. If anyone needed something done they asked the foreigner with a death wish. So, the idea that you had that effect on him was, again, terrifying.

But what was Nishinoya supposed to do when you press your forehead against his in the middle of the night? Running your fingers through his hair and paying special attention to the blonde strands he’d always been secretly self-conscious of, whispering low how they were one of your favorite things in the world. How could he regret anything when you rubbed your nose lazily against his and kissed him softer than he ever deserved? He didn’t give a shit how scared he was if it meant he could stay like this, with you, for as long as you’d let him.

Because his heart raced a million miles a second when you mindlessly held his hand under a table or leaned against him just to be close. Because for some reason he was the first person you called when you were excited or when you needed comfort. Because when he rambled too long about spearfishing or an old friend’s volleyball game your eyes lit with genuine interest rather than annoyance. And because he was in love with you.

Which he both wasn’t prepared for and had known was inevitable. Falling for you had been like getting hit by a semi-truck he’d seen coming for miles.

It probably happened sooner than socially acceptable, but that didn’t surprise him given his all or nothing nature. This outcome was decided the moment Nishinoya knew he’d be fine with you breaking his heart a hundred times if it meant he could keep waking up next to you cascaded by the rising sun because he was still too lazy to invest in curtains. Just you cuddling closer to him for warmth in your sleep would make every ounce of pain worth it.

Once Nishinoya’d acknowledged his feelings it was nearly impossible keeping them down. With every breathtaking smile, or brush of your hand against his, or bubble of laughter that rang throughout his apartment it nearly spilled from his lips like a breath. It took all self-restraint he had to hold it back. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want you to know because you deserved this piece of him-every piece of him.

He just wasn’t sure you’d want it.

His resolve lasted nearly a month-a month longer than he thought he was capable-before the feeling was too intense for him to keep down. And it wasn’t anything drastic that made him break. No, it was something so absurdly casual that he was almost pissed at himself when the words flowed from his mouth.

It had been a completely average morning, nothing crazy, the weather was actually gross with rain pounding against the windows and the sky a depressing shade of grey. But then you stepped out of his bathroom while rubbing the sleep from your eyes, giving him a lopsided smile before slurring a soft request for breakfast. It was like time froze and he was in a stupid romcom except you were there so it was actually an oscar nominated masterpiece.

Your head lolled to the side, half-lidded eyes filling with concern at his silence. “We can cook together. I didn’t mean it like-”

“I love you.”

That seemed to wake you up. Your body straightened while your mouth hung open in stunned silence. Nishinoya had expected this kind of reaction, so he clenched his fists tight in preparation for the worst.

“Are you sure?” You asked, barely above a whisper. “That’s a pretty serious word, Noya.”

He knew that. Nishinoya had spent too many nights losing sleep over that.

“You scare me,” he confessed, deciding if he was going to dig his grave he might as well make it deep. “I’ve never really been the one someone chooses. More like deal or settle with.” He grimaced when his heart squeezed painfully in his chest, “but I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone and that scares me. You make me feel wanted and I don’t know what to do with that.”

“Because I do want you.” You whispered and his stare locked on yours so quickly, meeting your loving gaze while his heart started racing. “And everyone you know must be really stupid because I feel lucky I got to choose you. I get to love you.”

He stared at you wide-eyed while his chest swelled with so much emotion he was surprised he hadn’t passed out.

“Sorry, that sounded really lame.” You placed a hand against your forehead and Nishinoya shook his head vigorously.

“I think that was the greatest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

You stepped closer and cradled his face, gently brushing your thumbs along his cheeks. If he wasn’t so manly and awesome he may have teared up, but he definitely didn’t. Which was why you obviously weren’t wiping any water off his cheeks before pulling his lips against yours.

Nishinoya set a languid pace that turned desperate when you tangled your fingers in his hair. He pulled you as close as he could, which was never enough, snaking an arm around your middle and sliding one to cradle the back of your head. 

When it got heated enough that he decided he’d very much like to move it to his bedroom Nishinoya’s stomach growled and you snorted against his lips. Nishinoya pouted, whining when you pulled away with a playful smirk.

“Later,” you said, pinching his cheeks and waving his head around. “Food first. We’re both hungry.”

He did love food.

He disrespectfully watched you leave him in favor of searching the fridge for food that could be thrown together for breakfast. A dopey smile covered his lips because he loved you. He was lucky enough to get to love you. And for some ridiculous fucking reason you were dumb enough to love him.

He would do whatever he could to keep it this way. For now, that was helping you cook breakfast. Tomorrow, who knows? But whatever it was you would be there, so it would be pretty god damn amazing.

[sprqpointintern]

Kara and Lena decide to try online dating at Christmas. The Bantr dating app is completely anonymous though. This leads to some confusion around certain 'mystery matches'. This year, it's gonna be a Christmas to remember.

Chapter 1: Secret Bantr (link to ch 2 here)

Kara tries online dating for the first time. The only problem is, her mystery date might be a little more familiar than she's expecting

Read the chapter here or

Read the chapter below:

"Kara, I hate to break it to you but sending corny Christmas jokes to a woman you've never even met does not count as flirting." Alex had been called over to Kara's apartment to hear some big news. She hadn't expected the news to be that Kara was trying online dating.

"Well, you should see the way she reacts," Kara bragged. "She sent me four laugh emojis today."

"That's…" Alex paused for a moment, "not something you should be bragging about. Remind me again why you don't even know this woman's name?"

"Well, that's the whole point of Bantr," Kara started. "Instead of matching with someone based on their profile picture, you match up with them based on their personality. It means instead of the usual shallow world of online dating where everything is based on looks, it's based on a real connection."

"I didn't know sending Christmas jokes counted as connecting with someone," Alex teased.

"What did you expect from me? Christmas day is in a week!" Kara said defensively. "That's not all we talk about, you know. Besides, LadyL27 seems to like my corny Christmas jokes."

"LadyL27?" Alex raised her eyebrows a little. "As in Lady Lesbian?".

"I mean, I guess," Kara paused. "What else could the L stand for?"

"I mean, it could stand for," Alex started, "No that's ridiculous, forget I said anything."

"Okay, you're being weird." Kara wondered what Alex had stopped herself from saying.

"No I'm not." Alex was trying to change the subject. "What's your username on the app?".

"BigDEnergy." Kara said proudly.

"Your name on a dating app is big dick energy?" Alex exclaimed.

"No, it's big Danvers energy. Obviously, the D is for Danvers." Kara made it sound like Alex was the one who had made a mistake.

"No one on the app is gonna get that!" Alex shouted.

"Oh my god really?" Kara was starting to sweat a little. "So Lady Lesbian thinks she's been talking to big dick energy this whole time. That's so embarrassing."

"This is why you should have come to me first." Alex was enjoying being right. "I don't know why you sent her daily Christmas jokes though."

"We matched in December and I thought I should show her how festive I was," Kara shrugged as she said this. "And the Christmas jokes are a real icebreaker. Get it? Icebreaker?"

"You do know I carry a gun right?" Alex should have expected the Christmas pun but Kara had surprised her with that one. "And the minute she sees you in person she'll see how festive you are."

"Oh you mean this?" Kara motioned down to her Christmas dress. The dress was bright red and was covered in miniature gingerbread men. To make matters worse, some of the gingerbread men had bits of them broken off and were saying "Give me a break!" in speech bubbles.

"Are you sure that's what you want to wear to a first date?" Alex sounded worried for Kara.

"Of course," Kara answered smiling. "If she can't handle me at my most festive, she's obviously not the girl for me."

"Can we at least talk about the tights?" Alex pointed down to Kara's legs. The tights, which Kara had bought the second she had seen them in a store, were green and filled with drawings of elfs. Above each elf it said "treat yo elf" in capital letters.

Alex had tried to convince Kara not to buy them at the store, her efforts had been in vain in the end.

"I love these tights!" Kara spun a little to show them off." "They help me to express my elf."

"Was I not clear about me carrying a gun?" Alex rolled her eyes at the second Christmas pun she had to hear in the space of a few minutes.

"You love my jokes," Kara laughed back.

"I don't think love is the word I'd use." Alex crossed her arms as she said this. "I guess I can't talk you out of wearing those boots either."

The boots in question were red leather ankle length zip up boots. Kara had insisted on buying them because they made her think of Christmas as soon as she saw them.

"Nope. You definitely can't." Kara beamed back. "I didn't spend all this time putting a Christmas outfit together just to let you talk me out of wearing it."

"Well in that case," Alex paused. "Can you at least tell me where you're meeting your mystery date?"

"We're meeting in National City Square." Kara couldn't hide her excitement when she said this. "Under the massive Christmas tree they put up there every year."

"The one you drag me to every year?" Alex asked.

"That's the one." Kara said, sounding a little guilty. "Then we're getting hot chocolate and going for a walk in the square. It's gonna be perfect!"

"Maybe curb your expectations a little," Alex warned. "For all you know, you could be meeting a middle aged man with a bald spot."

"As if." Kara wasn't hearing a word Alex was saying. "She literally has lady in her name. I mean come on."

"You've clearly never been catfished." Alex groaned. "You better go, you don't want to miss your date."

"You're right. But first, I need to get my coat, gloves and scarf. And of course, I can't forget the pièce de résistance."

After putting on her extra layers, Kara then took out a headband that had a pair of reindeer antlers attached and placed them on her head. The antlers shook around a little every time Kara moved her head.

"Okay wow." Alex stared in disbelief. "This is a lot to take in."

"I told her that she would know me if she looked for the woman wearing the reindeer antlers." Kara explained.

"Oh yeah. It's not like the Christmas dress, tights or boots are a dead giveaway." Alex said sarcastically. "How are you gonna know her?"

"She told me she'd be wearing a low cut black dress. You can never be too careful though." Kara checked her watch. "Just call me Rudolph because I gotta run."

Before Alex had a chance to sigh or groan at yet another Christmas joke, Kara was gone with only a breeze behind her.

Kara hurried over to the Christmas tree in the square. She had landed away from the crowds and was scanning every woman she saw. So far she hadn't seen any women in low cut black dresses.

After a few minutes of scanning, she did see one woman in a black dress. This wasn't just any woman though. This was Lena, her best friend.

Lena was wearing a fluffy coat with leather gloves, a beanie hat and a knitted scarf. She had left the coat open though, to show off her black dress.

As opposed to Kara's festive tights, Lena had opted for a pair of black tights. And of course, she had picked out a pair of high heels that probably cost more than Kara's whole outfit put together.

"Kara?" Lenas eye's met Kara's through the crowd. "What are you doing here?" Lena then looked Kara up and down seeing the reindeer headband and realising what had happened.

"Oh my god, are you BigDEnergy?"

"Yeah that's me." Kara looked down at her feet when she said this. "Which would make you LadyL27 right?"

"You got me." Lena laughed. "I have to admit, this is a surprise. I had no idea you were-"

"Into women?" Kara interrupted.

"I was gonna say dating but that works too." Lena was clearly surprised by Kara's outburst. "So the D in BigDEnergy stands for…"

"Danvers!" Kara cut in. "Definitely Danvers!"

"Okay, I thought maybe it stood for something else." Lena smirked at Kara when she said this.

"Nope, just Danvers." Kara laughed "And the L in LadyL27 stands for…"

"Lena, of course." Lena explained. "What did you think the L stood for?"

"It's not important." Kara hadn't expected to be this nervous. "All that matters is we know what our usernames mean now."

"I am a little surprised though," Lena admitted. "I didn't even know you were trying dating. Especially not with women."

"Well there's a story behind that," Kara paused to collect her thoughts. "Alex talked to me a few weeks ago and said if I didn't ask you out before the year was over she would kill me. She said she couldn't watch all my failed attempts at flirting anymore."

"Alex is certainly honest," Lena giggled. "She's not wrong though. I've been wanting you to ask me out for years."

"You have?" Kara hadn't been expecting that from Lena. "Now I feel really stupid. I was gonna ask you out a few weeks ago but then I totally chickened out at the last minute. I thought maybe you weren't into me so I backed out."

"Which led you to Bantr?" Lena inquired.

"Pretty much," Kara answered. "Something about talking to a woman online and not even knowing what she looked like felt easier. Of course, I had no idea that woman was you.. What led you to using Bantr?"

"Well," Lena bit her bottom lip. "I was waiting for this really cute girl to ask me out and she never did. I've had a crush on her for so long too"

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Kara rubbed Lena's arm a little. "Who was it? Oh my god! Was it Andrea? I know you two have been friends for years but I didn't know you liked her like that."

"I'm talking about you Kara." Lena explained. "I've been into you for as long as I can remember. And Alex talked to me about her plan. How she was going to make you take action. When you never asked me out I just assumed you changed your mind. I thought maybe I had misread things."

"Lena I had no idea, '' Kara said apologetically. "I was just so scared of you saying no. And I didn't want to ruin 5 years of friendship."

"Kara, this has been so much more than just friendship for so long now." Lena fidgeted with her gloved hands. "I just wanted it to go further. And when it didn't, I downloaded Bantr. I thought maybe I could distract myself from thinking about you all the time."

"Did it work?" Kara queried.

"Clearly not, the first woman I matched with was you." Lena was smiling again. "No wonder I enjoyed our conversations so much."

"I enjoyed them too!" Kara shouted a little louder than she had meant to there. People passing by gave her a glance before going back to their business.

"Oh, sorry. I got a little over excited there."

"I could tell," Lena teased. "Especially seeing as you're going redder than Rudolph's nose right now.

Kara then attempted to pull her scarf up over her face as if hiding would make her any less embarrassed.

"Well now you just look even more adorable." Lena said through laughter. "You know I can still see you right?"

"Yeah I know," Kara answered. "I thought maybe it would help me though."

"A for effort," Lena gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up."

"How about we just focus on the positives," Lena began. "Even though it's not the way I thought it was gonna happen, me and you are on our first date. And it's Christmas. So let's just enjoy it okay?"

"Okay," Kara readjusted her scarf. "This isn't how I saw us doing this either. It doesn't make it any less perfect though."

"Aww Kara," Lena squeezed Kara's hand. "This is the best present I've ever gotten for Christmas. Just being with you, that's all I ever wanted."

Before Kara could answer, Lena was kissing Kara's lips with hers. Pulling Kara in closer, their bodies sharing warmth and passion.

The tree above them was sparkling and both their faces were illuminated by the Christmas lights.

"That was…" Kara was still attempting to regain her composure. "The best kiss I've ever had."

"High praise indeed," Lena glanced at Kara's lips as if she was already thinking of kissing them again. "You were definitely worth the wait darling."

"Merry Christmas Lena!" Kara proclaimed.

"Nollaig Shona Dhuit." Lena replied. "That's Merry Christmas in Irish, in case you were wondering."

"One day you have to teach me the whole language." Kara pleaded.

"You've got yourself a deal." Lena agreed. "But for now, let's just enjoy our date. I've been waiting for this for a long time."

Kara and Lena hadn't imagined that this would be the way they had the first date. That didn't stop them from enjoying the Christmas festivities though. Two lost souls who had been brought together by something stronger than fate. For the first time, they could experience Christmas together.

They joined the crowd of happy couples and families wandering through the square. As Kara and Lena walked hand in hand, they knew that this Christmas was going to be perfect. Their first Christmas as a couple, the first of many.

[livingasaghost]

okay so i always see a bunch of ridiculous aftg headcanons soooo i decided to put my hat in the ring and try it out

this is all about the foxes and their chaotic as hell groupchats

so let’s imagine for a second that this series doesn’t take place in the early 2000s so smart phones exist 

periodically the foxes have exchanged numbers with each other - obviously each of the cliques can contact each other, but then throughout that first year there are little things that cause people to give out their numbers

like at some point nicky lets it slip that he’s having trouble with his stats class and out of the blue allison offers to meet up with him because she’s surprisingly like really great at math? so the two of them start up a little text chain where they just shit talk everyone and start a few random bets

and then dan gets katelyn’s number from one of the other vixens and the two of them initially just start texting about game details...which turns into bonding over make-up and girl talk and eventually dan starts inviting katelyn to hang out with her and the fox girls

at first renee is the only one who has everyone’s number because she’s the only one who everyone likes 

but then after their big win, renee just puts everyone in one massive groupchat so no one gets left out and they can all bond and it’s just as chaotic as one would expect

at first everyone’s just trying to figure out who’s who, but not everyone has an iphone so all the iphone users are really pissed off at the green bubbles

aaron’s the only one with an android because of course he is

he refuses to switch to an iphone even when the rest of the team BEGS him to bc he “doesn’t see the point”

for the whole summer after neil’s first year, the team keeps trying to pressure him and andrew into upgrading their phones because the team is so sick of what it’s doing to the groupchat

neil doesn’t really know how it all works because he’s still getting used to having a phone and having friends to text, but then everyone starts sending him emojis that don’t show up properly and his phone won’t load any photos they send and the rest of the foxes are so FRUSTRATED bc neil doesn’t seem to notice

eventually, in a shocking turn of events, andrew gets so fed up with the chaos of everyone texting his flip phone that he’s the one who gives in

he shows up at the dorm one day and just hands neil a little baggie with his new iphone

they’re just starting to get it set up when nicky strolls in and IMMEDIATELY takes over, showing neil all about emojis and changing your phone background and saving all the fox contacts

neil is, unsurprisingly, very overwhelmed and slightly terrified, so andrew reaches over and does it all for him, and nicky just looks put out

it takes neil like six months to change any of his contacts or backgrounds or settings because he just doesn’t care

eventually he does manage to set his lockscreen to a really bad photo he took of andrew when he wasn’t paying attention

andrew notices it one day and chooses not to say anything

(he secretly loves it)

when the groupchats start heating up.......neil realizes it’s kind of fun to have a smart phone because it feels like the foxes are with him all the time

after neil and andrew get iphones, the rest of the team decide to make a separate groupchat for just apple users bc no one really texts aaron regularly anyway

at first it’s just a place where people drop details about practices

dan shares news from wymack and abby and then kevin starts giving orders about what the foxes can do better

and somehow that is the tipping point

because everyone hates when kevin starts talking exy

(except neil)

so everyone jumps on him and it’s the perfect icebreaker

nicky is the obnoxious one who sends a ridiculous amount of emojis and gifs and reaction images (neil never knows where he finds them all) - he also sends the most tiktoks. usually ones that are super inappropriate or just plain stupid.

allison texts a lot because she’s always attached to her phone ready for the tea and sometimes she’ll send a really raunchy meme just to spice things up

neil doesn’t really know what’s going on half the time - and he never really scrolls up to see what he’s missed - so if and when he does respond, it’s usually just to ask clarifying questions or give a thumbs up

matt is the one who always checks in to make sure everyone’s doing okay - he’ll send really encouraging texts that people like andrew shit on

one time matt sends everyone a really sweet text over the holidays about how much they mean to him....and then dan just kicks him out of the gc and goes “okay enough of that bullshit i hate u guys xoxo” and andrew gives it a thumbs up

sometimes when he’s bored andrew will just kick out everyone but renee and neil bc why not

kevin is the one who gets kicked out the most 

sometimes it’s because he texts about exy, but eventually it just becomes a running joke that they’ll kick him out randomly

like they’ll be in the middle of a conversation and then allison will just boot him out of the gc just to see what he’ll do

usually when this happens kevin will just send an angry message in one of the other gcs telling neil to add him back

it’s usually neil or renee who adds someone back bc they feel bad that people get left out of the gc

renee has this weird obsession with tiktok and she sends them CONSTANTLY like usually they remind her of certain teammates

she’ll send these at all hours of the night bc she has trouble sleeping and that means more time to scroll through the app from hell

and even though it gets on everyone’s nerves, no one can hate renee so they all just kind of....watch the videos and then everyone’s obsessed with tiktok

dan will send memes and things but only when they’re like so ridiculously funny that they get the whole gc wheezing at midnight on a school night

and usually they’re SO ridiculous that they only make sense to dan

“Dan you do realize we have practice tomorrow?”

“matt shut up this girl is talking like MARGE SIMPSON I CANT BREATHE”

most of the foxes text without proper capitalization or punctuation but  matt and kevin and neil (and aaron) are all very proper with their texting

dan makes fun of matt all the time bc he doesn’t seem like the kind of person to Use Proper English but matt doesn’t understand why everyone can’t just use capitals when it’s automatic (he doesn’t know how to turn it off)

neil uses proper grammar just bc it doesn’t occur to him to do anything else

andrew uses lowercase bc it reads like a monotone to him and he thinks it’s ~cool~ and he also likes making kevin mad

sometimes he’ll use the wrong punctuation and grammar on purpose just to get kevin to reply to his texts

eventually nicky realizes he can change the group name and the group photo so he starts the most chaotic conversation by dramatically changing it to a snapchat screenshot of neil asleep on andrew’s lap and calling the gc SEXY EXY BESTIES 👅💦

it stays like that for all of two minutes before kevin notices and quickly changes the name to The Foxes

and then it becomes a free for all as everyone tries to be smart and snarky and ridiculous

stans of kevin’s left hand

the foxwhore court

🧡 Neil Josten Fanclub 🧡

life’s like a game of exy🥍

periodically throughout the week someone will change the name as they see fit - normally it’s something stupid but sometimes they’ll start an actual conversation by changing the group name

The Ungrateful Foxes

fuck you kevin

Guys plz be nice to Kevin

YOU KNOW, I GET IT—

The Worst Team in the NCAA

fuck you kevin

GO TO SLEEP NEIL!!!

one time after they’d spent like two weeks being called wymack’s whores, andrew decided he’d had enough of that so he just renamed it 🖕🏻🦊

and they do have a separate gc with wymack (they just don’t need to bother him with all their shitty commentary)

but funny enough, they’re almost worse in the wymack gc

at first wymack tried to control everyone by kicking people out who misbehaved, but then it just kept happening until it was him, kevin and renee left and he had to let it go

now all the foxes will text him at the most random times with the most random of questions

they also have a running joke where they all call him dad

kevin hates it, but wymack secretly thinks it’s hilarious and sweet

“hey dad can we get pizza after practice tomorrow???”

“dad nicky’s being a bitch can you make him run extra laps”

“WAIT DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT WYMACK IS KEVIN’S ACTUAL DAD??? *blinking man gif*”

kevin starts leaving the gc instead of waiting to be kicked out