#well i exist in the context of all the yaoi in which i live and all the yaoi which came before me !!

[wisteriagoesvroom]

*gently pokes you with a stick til you write this*

Is there a plot, or just vibes... like what is going on in this universe... okay... *rolls sleeves up* lemme try to headcanon it a little:

Oscar is a rising star in product engineering, and was hired based on a prototype he was developing in his Imperial College dorm room. Barely settled into his new office gig, he is told to present a demo of said product on the mainstage of his tech company employer's next big conference, where they announce their latest product rollouts for the year.

Oscar really hates public speaking, and has never been very good at it. Enter Lando - deputy head of marketing and charmboy extraordinnaire - who is assigned to get him up to scratch.

Other universe details that probably only I care about: Adam Norris is the new CFO who brings his son into the picture. There are definitely two overworked interns on both their teams who have to manage all their weird quirks and Lando's idiosyncratic JIRA board hygiene. Surely there must be an ugly conference t-shirt. No wait– Oscar sleeps with Lando at the conference rehearsal, but the first time is kinda unexpected, and also Oscar spilled red wine on himself the previous night which necessitated him going up to Lando's hotel room for Plot Convenient Reasons (sex). Morning after, Oscar has to borrow one of Lando's t shirts and it ends up being a neon prototype that was manufactured as an error. And Oscar's like "you cannot expect me to walk out like this", and it's like. "Well either that or you walk around the city shirtless sorry mate." (Oscar takes the L, but he really hates green highlighters from that point on and nobody really knows why. Lando thinks it's hilarious and buys him copious amounts of hot chocolate to make up for it even though it was never his fault. He just likes buying hot chocolate for Oscar.)

There is also definitely an icebreaking joint activity that they both do, like indoor rock climbing, in order to get to know each other. Except Lando is like, spectacularly good at it, and Oscar (a) lies about his competency in rock climbing (b) is deathly afraid of heights. But Oscar refuses to be a wimp so doesn't say a single thing until he reaches the top of a really challenging wall and Lando is like: woah you did so amazing! Now let go and come down! and Oscar is like: I can't! Lando: wdym?? Oscar: I hate heights. Like "my sisters used to lure me to the roof with a ladder and then take the ladder away", hate heights. Lando: BRO.....your PRIDE.... (but he's also secretly going insane because Oscar clearly just wanted an excuse to spend the morning with him.)

Their first kiss is after Lando belays Oscar safely to the ground, obviously. Adrenalin, and stuff.

[seongminiz]

tear Of gOd

minors dni ; fallen angel jungmo x human wonjin ; 2.1k words

SYNOPSIS    Had Wonjin not known any better, he would think what he sees when he meets Jungmo's unsettling eyes is lust. Surely, that's impossible - after all, angels don't sin, and they are absolutely not capable of committing a sin as deadly as lust, be it in or out of heaven. Or, Jungmo - Wonjin’s guardian angel - is kicked out of heaven when the obsession over his human gets out of hand, and has nowhere to go if not Wonjin himself.

cw   religious themes , blasphemy , inaccurate representation of catholicism’s views on the afterlife bc i havent been to church in almost 5 yrs , bitchless loser virgin wonjin ejejehjf , dom!jungmo , sub!wonjin , corruption kink (kinda ? idk i had the idea of writing it but idk if i actually put it in so) , handjob , orgasm denial

➔   cross-posted on ao3 !

⚠ DISCLAIMER ⚠ if you're uncomfortable with religious themes (specifically christianity in this instance) or their use in a nsfw/sexually explicit context , it's your responsibility as the reader to click off this work and go read something else . i as the author have no responsibility for your discomfort with the themes i decide to write about

note   shout out to onlyoneof for making cunty catholic guilt yaoi music so i could get through writing n find a title for this fic (˶ˆᗜˆ˵) n thank u to the loml @elifseasonz for beta reading this n supporting me through the absolute crash out that were these past 8 months of writing 🩷 i've been writing this since may 2024 - not bc its particularly long or well thought out tho , im just a terribly slow n bad writer :3 i also wrote most of it while i had the worst cold ever so .. theres that too n some parts of it r probably so rushed (oomf (= my Proof Reader™) said its fast paced </3 life is not worth living anymore /j)

Wonjin considers his life to be rather inconspicuous. He is the most average guy someone could ever meet, and it reflects on all his disastrous first dates ending with no kind of follow up. He never does anything creepy or straight up wrong, but his whole demeanor has a certain ‘I’m a loser virgin’ vibe that tends to scare away even the most desperate of his potential partners.

Jungmo, on the other hand, considers Wonjin’s life to be the finest piece of entertainment he could ever ask for. One would argue it is because that is what his whole job consists of: watching over Wonjin and his more than ordinary day-to-day life, failed dates and all.

Jungmo has never been among the most beloved angels in the ranks of Heaven, both due to his occupation - the more contact a divine being has with humans the more their existence becomes tainted and impure, making guardian angels the bottom of the holy food chain - and, more than anything, because of his tendency to defy the rules that have been imposed on him since his very first day in Heaven.

Most of it consisted in minor offenses, like sneaking to Earth without permission to go visit ‘his’ human, or almost resorting to violence that one time another angel offered to take responsibility over Wonjin instead of him; they all originated from how prone Jungmo was to sin compared to his fellow guardian angels, making him an unstable employee since his first day in Paradise, his status immediately solidified as a liability for both his and Heaven's stability.

Which is how Jungmo finds himself kicked out of Heaven, stranded in a random dark alleyway somewhere. Really, he could be anywhere.

Had he not relentlessly followed Wonjin in his every step for years, Jungmo would have no idea of where to go. Of course, it is only normal for a guardian angel to know where their human lives and be able to teleport themselves there in a matter of seconds.

Wings broken and past their first stage of decay, Jungmo uses the last remaining traces of his powers to manifest his physical form into Wonjin’s room - it takes slightly longer than he is used to, but it still can’t be more than a few minutes.

The digital clock on the bedside table reads 3:33AM, the red symbols flashing and glitching for a moment when Jungmo makes his appearance - human technology is such a fragile thing, even the dying powers of a former angel are able to put it through strain.

Wonjin has always been a heavy sleeper, struggling to wake up even when the sun is up high and his alarm has rang at least ten times.

Which makes it all the more obvious something is off that night.

He struggles to fall asleep, but chalks it up to anxiety for a major upcoming exam he has been stressing over for months; when he wakes up at three in the morning with the eerie sensation of being watched, though, he can't really blame it on his academic anxiety anymore.

His eyes slowly adapt to the darkness, a humanoid shadow standing in the far corner of his room, right beside the door.

Sleep paralysis? Likely, Wonjin thinks, but the hypothesis is quickly shut down when he finds no resistance within his body as he scrambles to grab his glasses from the bedside table and runs his hand along the wall feeling for the light switch.

Had Wonjin been in a sane state of mind, he would have screamed. Except Wonjin feels anything but sane, his mouth just hanging open in silence as he takes in the person - can he even call it that? The tattered wings sprouting from his back suggest the opposite - standing in front of him.

“What the fuck?” It’s all Wonjin can manage, his voice raspy and his throat dry - from sleep or from the shock, he isn't exactly sure.

Jungmo chuckles. He has observed his human for years, to the point he knows every little quirk, habit and shameful sin of his, but he forgot Wonjin is not familiar with his existence at all.

Without the limits of Heaven binding him to being truthful, Jungmo could simply lie about who he is, about why he is there.

Jungmo is free.

“I’m your guardian angel,” he explains. That much is not a lie, he is just omitting an irrelevant fragment of the truth.

Wonjin eyes him skeptically, fixating on his bruised skin, his bloodied clothes and, once again, his decaying wings. The originally white feathers have colored themselves of a sickly dark gray, bordering on an even darker color towards some edges, those that turn completely black falling off in the matter of minutes. A few white spots remain, but the color has started becoming more dull, dirtying itself as if infected with an incurable disease.

“I was kicked out of heaven,” Jungmo confesses, immediately continuing to not leave any room for protest from Wonjin. “Not because of my sins. I was tricked by an evil, jealous angel who blamed their mistakes on me.”

“And what do I have to do with this? Why are you in my room?” Wonjin asks bluntly.

Religion has always been a pretty neutral topic to him, he genuinely has no care for it. That odd guy might be his guardian angel, but Wonjin wants nothing to do with him.

Yet, it intrigues him. He suspects what the angel has said about being kicked out of heaven is not entirely the truth, and that only makes him want to know more about the otherworldly being standing in front of him.

“Well, I told you,” Jungmo says matter-of-factly. “You’re my human. Who else should I look for? You’re the only thing I know about this insignificant mortal world.”

“Fair,” Wonjin mutters. While he might not be completely convinced by what he says, the thought process is completely logical - excluding the whole premise of a supernatural, heavenly being appearing in his room out of nowhere. The absurdity of it all has almost slipped his mind already.

“You know, Wonjin,” Jungmo takes a step forward, and Wonjin is torn between mirroring his actions, drawn closer to the angel by an invisible force he can't quite explain, or get further away from him - though the second option proves itself to be impossible when Wonjin tries scooting back on the bed, and his back meets the headboard with a dull sound.

Jungmo looks down at Wonjin, only one step separating the two of them.

Had Wonjin not known any better, he would think what he sees when he meets Jungmo's unsettling eyes is lust. Surely, that's impossible – after all, angels don't sin, and they are absolutely not capable of committing a sin as deadly as lust, be it in or out of heaven.

“I've been watching you for so long,” Jungmo's thin, delicate fingers grasp Wonjin's jaw with such gentleness he is left doubting they are even there. The angel's pointed nails slightly digging into his skin, though, are enough of a confirmation of the touch being real.

Wonjin is not sure what he expects when Jungmo leans closer, so their faces are mere centimeters apart from each other, making it almost impossible for him to hold the angel's gaze.

Up close, Jungmo's irises are nothing but pits of pure darkness, blending with his pupils to the point the two are indistinguishable. Wonjin doesn't know the reason, but the sight makes his stomach close in on itself.

And if that alone is not enough of a reminder of Jungmo's lack of humanity, the stillness in his body is – no breathing, no heartbeat, everything about Jungmo is unmoving, eternal.

Jungmo’s lips, on the other hand, feel more alive than anything Wonjin has ever experienced.

Alive, gentle, but so desperate, as if Jungmo has been waiting for this moment ever since he laid his eyes on Wonjin.

Could that be the truth? Could he be the reason Jungmo has been banished from heaven? The thought alone makes Wonjin’s stomach churn in a mixture of fear and pride that only spurs him on to kiss Jungmo back with more fervor.

Wonjin gasps at the contact with Jungmo's cold skin, the angel's fingertips sneaking under his shirt and brushing his hips, eliciting whimpers and whines that Wonjin can't help but be slightly ashamed of.

Jungmo is skilled, far too sure in what he is doing for someone who has supposedly led a life void of sin up until that moment, and Wonjin knows that alone should raise all kinds of alarm bells and red flags in him – it does.

Wonjin knows he should be more cautious, yet he decides to ignore his own rationale, getting lost in Jungmo's lips, in his touch and in his body.

.☆⭒ ♱ ⭒☆.

“God,” Wonjin grabs Jungmo’s wrist in an attempt to slow down his motions, his fingers slipping around the angel’s cold skin as he chuckles.

“There is no god here, Wonjin,” Jungmo speeds up his pace, tightening his hold once he reaches Wonjin’s tip and loosening it every time his hand slides down to the base. “That is, unless you’re talking about me.”

Wonjin’s moans grow in volume and pitch, it’s all too much, too overwhelming, and it feels like nothing he has ever experienced before - though he is pretty sure he is about to cum at any moment. If only Jungmo tightens his fist just a little more and…

“Am I your god, Wonjin?” Jungmo suddenly stops, his hands completely leaving Wonjin’s body as he relishes in his human’s delicious whines and protests.

Jungmo brings his fingers, slick and stained in precum, to Wonjin’s chin, tilting it upwards so their eyes can meet. Any and all protests Wonjin could have die in his mouth as he once again gets lost in the endless pits that are Jungmo’s eyes.

“Answer me, Wonjin,” Jungmo whispers, leaning down to kiss along Wonjin’s jawline, until his lips are right by his ear and his free hand is barely grazing Wonjin’s cock. “Tell me I am your god, and I’ll let you cum.”

Wonjin lets out a shaky, hesitant breath, barely able to keep his eyes open as he weakly reaches for Jungmo’s hand, the angel promptly moving it further away from his cock with a smirk.

“Yes,” Wonjin is quick to force himself to answer, intertwining his fingers with Jungmo’s and pulling him closer, reaching for a kiss that Jungmo once again withholds from him.

“Yes what? I want to hear you say it.”

“You’re my god, Jungmo,” Wonjin’s voice is barely above a whisper, cracking at every other word he speaks. “My one and only god.”

Jungmo’s acknowledgement for Wonjin’s blind devotion comes in the form of his hand slipping out of Wonjin’s hold, and wrapping once again around his sensitive cock.

It doesn’t take long for Wonjin to get close again, his voice melting into an incomprehensible ramble of “I’m gonna cum” repeating until Jungmo has to shush him, reassuring him that he’s not going to rip that orgasm away from him again. A part of him is tempted to, but the need to see Wonjin finally fall apart in his hands is stronger.

“Go ahead,” Jungmo whispers, relishing in the shiver that pervades Wonjin as his hands grip Jungmo’s arms in a desperate attempt to ground himself. “Cum for your one and only god.”

Wonjin’s mind goes blank, he doesn’t know for how long. His body is still shaking once he regains enough of a sense of self to open his eyes, laying his head on Jungmo’s shoulder as he catches his breath.

Jungmo’s fingers are dripping in his human’s cum. He brings them closer to his face, inspecting the sticky substance with curiosity before hesitantly licking some of it off of his digits.

The slightly salty taste of Wonjin’s cum has Jungmo biting back a moan at the realization he’s consuming a part of him, in some twisted, fucked up way.

Jungmo wants more, but he knows Wonjin can’t handle another orgasm, so he settles for the next best thing. Is it really ‘settling’, though, when Wonjin’s lips are just as addicting, as he squeezes Jungmo’s hand in his and smiles into the kiss.

Wonjin is quick to get drowsy, pulling Jungmo under the covers and mumbling something along the lines of “Don’t you dare go anywhere” as he drifts off to sleep, his hand still gripping Jungmo’s.

Jungmo observes Wonjin’s sleeping frame, so much closer than he has ever been able to before.

The sun has started rising, shining through the sheer curtains and painting Wonjin’s beautiful features in its soft orange hues.

It’s all worth it.

Even as Jungmo’s wings rot past the point of no return, the last of his feathers falling off and shriveling into dust, into nothingness, leaving the skeletal frame sprouting from his back bare and vulnerable. Even as a pain he has never experienced before curses through him.

All it takes for Jungmo to think the eternal suffering that awaits him is worth it is a look at his lover peacefully sleeping underneath him.

im sorry this is actually so bad i cant write gay sex HOW AM I A FUJO THAT DOESN’T KNOW HOWTO WRITE GAY SEX ???!??!!???

[bentosandbox]

Lappy fancam animatic blogging/production notes

now that wolfgirlyaoi is out on global its rambling time about my powerpoint presentation

Concept

Originally I wanted to do an (Tex & Lapp) animatic with the boss theme (broken wall/Signore dei Lupi .mp3) ever since the event dropped but I thought 1) by the time I finished anything someone else would have probably already done it first (lol, lmao even) 2) I remembered the song exists and how much i looped it then while listening to the group's new album drop and thought the lyrics fit Lapp a little too well and also doesn't end abruptly like the boss theme + was shorter so yea

initial stickman storyboard where i put down the lyrics with event dialogue/happenings that i felt would fit nicely together > hastily scribble the images that form in my head

storyboards were basically what i wanted to see (same rule as my comics) lol especially if they weren't shown in the event CGs, eg. there's a CG of the truck crashing into the courtroom so I didn't do that but they didn't mention her physical acting in that scene + the song I used has a bow/salute at that exact part in their live choreo with the very similar line so I wanted to do a homage even though-

-I was like it's going to be such a pain to figure out an economical hand twirl and bow but I have to do this I need to transplant the image in my brain onto the screen because official media did not do a—

Honestly still don't know if its a common phrase and action combo because I was having so much trouble finding external references that wasn't just scrubbing the live video over and over anyway

part of the storyboards were 'recycled' from comic drafts I did (of the chocolate scene because ofc) when the event was running on CN

Originally I wanted to draw Lapp feeding Texas for The Girlyaoi Funny but I wanted to reference the plaque you get which is a Creation of Adam reference right but I also saw people saying it's referencing the scene from Silence of the Lambs lol so...peel the layers to your liking!!

(The chocolate flavour choice was from asking my Columbian friends what the worst chocolate flavour they ever tried which was white coconut)

my sorry attempt at colour keys > final spreadsheet to keep track of progress and paste all the dialogue i put in

Art Direction

A bunch of shots/colour schemes are references to Måneskin's stuff or other media tehepero I'll just put a few here

At first I was going to limit red/blue to tex/lapp respectively but since Omertosa is blue I just did away with that rule and lapp gets to have both (and more!) these two colours have pretty obvious emotional readings I think but also

red = self blue = society Siracusa or: red = yaoi & blue = yuri

for the others:

Purple = Alberto/Saluzzo, its not orange like the fruit he keeps holding because see below; I needed the colour for something else LOL Also the Saluzzos are iirc nobility or whatever and they have purple hints in their clothes so I think it was a good fit anyway

Yellow/Orange = Its supposed to be representing the last word in the story which apparently, yostar went with 'Savagery' which is Correct I guess but (laments again about how nuance is lost in localisation because imo savagery has a more derogatory kind of connotation while I think 蛮荒 in context of the story also has a 'nature/untouched by civilisation' side to it) which is why Texas setting the house on fire was not (entirely) red but orange (and it complements the blues both visually and thematically) and it's yellow at the end when they're frolicking(?) in the wilderness lol

(these colour rules don't apply to the penglog shot and technically a few frames like the shot with shocked penance, the one right after and 'im just lappy' because...i forgor my own rules lol)

The greens/teals were just a reference to the shades in the 3DPV I think

The silhouette/general style was inspired from the 3D teaser thing they had at the beginning of the 3.5 anniversary stream and the card suits that I..forgot to move to the other layers which is why only the green one had them (supposed to be 1 per set 💀)

The clash bit is basically the same as the event CG but with a flipped camera/POV sorry for world's worst screenshot lmao. Couldn't imagine the poses in my head so I ended up posing 3d models in CSP pretty good posing practice

These shots got rendered extra because..they were the first frames I started on and I was still figuring out how much to simplify lol

I also posed the chairs shot for some inexplicable reason…my file was lagging so bad

Headcanon part (kind of)

The childhood flashback scene is probably the part I took the most liberties (headcanon) on since it's not explicitly canon like the rest...the sequence/how I connected the scenes itself to fabricate a timeline of her childhood was kind of inspired by some weibo post musing about how (iirc) texas's sweet tooth maybe came from when she was being fostered at casa Saluzzo and Lapp treating her like a pet essentially and giving her a lot of treats since...you know what happened to her actual pet hehe except maybe texas offered her a stick first and then Lappy just reciprocated endlessly because its one of the few 'acts' she knew that wasn't violence haha yeah this section was basically a stealth doujin sorry

It's mentioned that she was brought up as the ideal Siracusan or whatever and she does the cute doodle in the 3DPV so I thought she probably had the Forced Music Lessons as a kid (The music sheets are Bella Ciao and of course)

The bow choreo was the one thing i really wanted to animate but the music sheet segment (based on that one split second shot above) ended up being my favourite part even though compositing the motion was a mini hell on it's own (ended up compiling a long png to scroll by with the red doodles layered over)

Other things

I will never live down my (self-imposed) shame of misspelling the title (I fixed the title on youtube but its why the ending shot in the upload says ZittE e Buoni instead of ZittI e Buoni) don't rush your fancam in 10 days 😔

I didn't look through the entirety of the EN loc but Idk why they had Lappy say 'Then go.' to Texas when it's supposed to be more like 'Let's go.' as in, 'let's go together' as opposed to 'alright off you go to the greyhall alone' lmfao also her saying goodbye forever padre when addio is right there

I don't think I'm insane enough to do another ppt soon but man this pair really makes the 'imagines a whole music video while listening to music' part of my brain go wheee like first it was Starset's Manifest then Signore de Lupi then this and while working on this one i was thinking how Måneskin's Torna A Casa would be another good track

ok ty for reading #GIRLYAOIREAL

[goodpointsandbadpoints]

I think I figured out why I get upset at a lot of fandom reaction to gay media (mainly the fujoshi concept as an identity and a community, to be honest). I know that it's based on my own hang-ups, which I'll be talking about, so please don't take this as a "people shouldn't be doing this" sort of post.

TL;DR: Queer media is currently the only way I can explore my own queerness, so I feel protective of it. This affects how I perceive other people's interactions with queer media as well. I'm hoping that something (my perception of media, of others, of myself) can change at some point.

The Main Conflict

When there is a gay sex scene, I see something that I cannot currently have. I do not feel at home in my body like that. I cannot freely express what I want like that. I do not enjoy touch like that. I cannot make the future that I want possible. Therefore, stories related to queerness and expression are deeply emotional to me. I become the characters within them. I get to process parts of myself through them that I currently cannot touch in real life.

So... when people not only focus heavily on the provocative, visual aspects of scenes, but also express that they like something simply because they find gay scenes more attractive than other scenes, I don't know what to do. As silly as it sounds, it feels like they're not experiencing it right. To me, it's about experiencing desire in an environment where the expression of it is not allowed. I'm not simply watching it because two attractive people interact. I am experiencing an aspect of myself.

Some Context

My family believes that most, if not all, expressions of queerness stem from a fault within the person. To be queer is to cry for help, and honestly, part of myself is convinced of this as well. This is a conflict between me and my family (and within myself) that I do not often explore because it makes me feel physically ill.

I know it's normal to experience friction with family when you express yourself, AND it's normal to become more independent and get some healthy distance between yourself and family. But because of my current living situation, I'm not eager to accelerate this conflict. I am not eager to panic and feel sick. I am not eager to have to defend myself against my mom, holy shit. I am not eager to decide if what I value is wrong.

Not yet. But, maybe... someday.

Conclusion

I believe this context leads to my emotional, knee-jerk reaction to the way people talk about queerness in media (especially sex and romance tropes such as yaoi and whatnot). I feel the need to protect it, to defend it, to make sure people are treating it as the important, hard-won thing that it is. I feel the need to make sure it's being experienced to the full. It's more than sex. It's more than what gets you hot.

^^ I recognize that it's 100% neutral for people to be horny and discuss what they like with other people. Sex and social connection <- two fairly significant pillars of human society! who would've thought! It's also completely neutral for someone to get excited seeing two attractive people getting it on.

Moving Forward...?

The last two years have made me feel so empty and inadequate. I feel like I can't do anything I need to do. I feel like the future doesn't exist, like there's a sharp drop-off on my timeline, and therefore no point in striving for anything. (I know I'm depressed. That's part of why I'm moving in with other family members. We'll see if that helps.)

Will I ever feel comfortable with myself instead of snide and critical? We will see. Will I ever find a space with other people where I don't have to double-check everything I do? Maybe not.

I have always had immense difficulty expressing myself. So I might have more freedom to "be myself" than I think I do. But I continue to sit here boiling in my thoughts. I don't know what to do.

Idk. Does this make sense? Is this all just a stupid, asshole-ish rambling? I just want to stop feeling like I'm one day away from fading.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

immortal days. WOAH

(this is not even a diary entry. this is an enthusiastic advertisement.)

read this over new years and had an absolutely amazing time with it. immortal days is a webtoon you can read here. (its free, however you need an account.).

on the absolute surface, it is a sorta-detective duo webtoon. they engage in funny high jinks, things explode, people get shot, drugs get traded, etc etc. it follows its two mortal protags, as they attempt to survive in a world in which humanity has become immortal.

it has a very solid plot, is not afraid to get ugly but does so responsibly, there is inspired and lovingly made worldbuilding, an interesting cast, and it is. well. Loudly inclusive of many types of people. very very loudly and kindly so.

i would describe the protag duo, myeol and phill, like this: one of them loves dogs. the other one has the obsession, drive, and recklessness of an unchallenged malinois. theyre fun to be around.

what they do is not petplay but it makes you think

anyhow more thoughts:

the author has an incredible grasp of comedic and dramatic timing and framing in comic page panels and frequently creates extremely impactful compositions

for how impossible of a concept it is, immortality is treated as both a practical problem and philosphical issue, which is incredibly fun and lends a sense of plausibility

the main protag duo Constantly get shipbaited throughout the entire series. theyre both explicitly bi. its pure bait, will or wont they, for the love of the game and without anyone holding them back from being getting together actually. just mental illness

you know who gets together? EVERY GIRL..... the women in this are almost all fucking each other. honestly very beautiful

if you like mean gnc women with ugly situationships. they are here

("gnc" means masc sometimes but sometimes it also means "she is leaving womanhood behind in an attempt to become a natural catastrophy, like a typhoon or a wildfire")

the author loves dogs a very very noticable amount. its cute

rubik (indescribable euphoria) (if you get there, you will know)

special tumblr user johannwolfgangvongoethe part of the post: WOOOOOOO MORTALITY AS A DISABILITY LETS GOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO its a super interesting topic!!! while seemingly able-bodied for our standards, myeol and phill are disabled within the context of the world they exist it. and the series very much wants you to think of it as such (or, alternatively, see them as born with any other condition that is not up to them to change. they are inherently vulnerable to their surroundings.) it offers a new perspective, unrelated to irl issues, on how systemic oppression, medical abuse/neglect, and social isolation endanger people through the lense of this niche fictional situation. if you never thought about living with a disability for your entire life before, it will get you there, and if it is already your daily reality, it affirms you greatly. in my opinion.

not only are the protagonists dealing with feelings of sadness, fear, distrust, and a sense that theyre not equal to everyone around them; they also get to express their anger. they get to feel singled out and are allowed to be frustrated. they have strong opinions on how society has to change, hell, phill is extremely radical about it. those thoughts are usually an absolute taboo. we get raised to feel like burdens, are treated with pity by others, and get taught to put ourselves second. but within the depiction of this anger lies the affirmation that negative defensive feelings are normal and natural. rightful, even.

(and they only have each other to share that experience with. so thats how potent the yaoi is.)

that aside, the author also loves to pick up the topic of physical conditions in a world where people regenerate from anything. what would heal without issue? what would still be livelong conditions? how do people in-universe cope with them? and what about mental illness and trauma that just cannot be recovered from physically? a surprising amount of time is invested in exploring this.

anyhow maybe ill write more on it or draw for it later. thank you for listening to me squee for an entire post.

[asknarashikari]

gavv new ep drop and now me and my friend had been bouncing ideas on how lage9's dynamic will be with the main cast when/if he joins shgavvouma and here's the result

(using my friends account to send this ask since my phone decided to commit dead battery(also also I tried to make this as spoiler free as I can))

So, lage9 has been a kamen rider for around two episodes and with his full backstory my friend said he would get along with sachika and shouma, I however said he would have an antagonistic relationship with hanto

For context we made this with lage9 living with sachika and shouma in mind since, well, the guy is probably homeless. anyways, lage would probably be interested in the various snacks sachika would offer him, and would try it as long as it was confirmed by shouma that it would not get him addicted. In turn he would join, read: subtly guard, her on her jobs with shouma. He wouldn't actively participate unless sachika specifically asked him tho

Lage9 would be somewhat neutral with shouma, although it could swing to a more positive one depending on how much help shouma will do, while lage would probably be intrigued with the gochizous' general existence and behavior he'd lose interest after a while. However, shouma could finally vent to someone about being a secret granute and stuff, lage listened and promptly tells him that he does not care, which, he should have rephrased it more since shouma took it as him not caring about his freaky nature and would randomly rant at him about it. Funny thing is, lage does not have the heart to snap at him since, if he asked, shouma would leave him alone until the next thing that would trigger a rant

With hanto however, he would passive aggressively insult him, and hanto would return it with something between being a no good granute, lage9 raised his disguised eyebrow at an uncomfortable shouma behind the fuming hanto, and biding his time to backstab them. Fortunately they have an unspoken agreement, much to shouma's relief, to not let sachika see them fight. Unfortunately, when it does get physical shouma would mediate by throwing himself between them effectively stopping it when he gets injured

Honestly, we both said, poor shouma has to deal with those two on top of hiding the fact that he is part of the stomach family from lage, reminding said guy to keep him being a granute a secret from sachika and hanto, keeping all three of them being kamen riders from sachika and deal with stomach's more frequent kidnapping while also helping lage with his research behind hanto's back. Shouma felt a familiar guilt crawling up his back as he helped the jellyfish granute, the sheer amount of secrets heavily outweighs the guilt as he reflects on how much trust his cru-friend and case solving partner had

Yeah that's about it I'll send more if we got any new ideas

I haven't seen the episode, but I have seen spoilers, and I do think it'll be interesting to see how Lage integrates into the HapiPare gang though it will surely not be smooth sailing, especially where Hanto is concerned...

I know it's super unlikely, but I do hope Hanto sees the fight between Shouma and Lage against Glotta and maybe start doubting his beliefs about all Granutes being bad, instead of fixating on how Shouma seemed to trust Lage (over him).

On the other hand, I do think it's extremely likely Hanto would fixate on the latter and then the reveal happens... And that's what triggers the Doomed Yaoi arc

Yeah we're really all in on the "Shouma makes his own life difficult by being an idiot who refuses to communicate with his allies/friends properly" arc. I agree with you, Shouma's going to start feeling the weight of the guilt from his constant lying and hiding, and it'll be ugly when things come to a head.

[saezurumurmurs]

Hey!!...how are you??. I just wanted to ask you about what do you think about Alice Osman words about bl/yaoi. From my point of view, she sounds quite pretencious, because I dont feel "heartstoppers" is that great , and she just from be british she has the opprtunity a big plattaform as netflix oppen their doors, so she cant imagine what is been an asian author and how actually his work is BL.

Taking Advantage of A Fandom

I watched the show, and haven’t read the comic. However @absolutebl posted a terrific commentary on this issue a while back:

From my perspective, BL and by extension, yaoi, is a uniquely Asian sub genre of erotic romance.

Alice Osman is a British creator who wrote a young adult LGBT+ romance comic. So the comparisons made seem ‘convenient’ for ‘marketing purposes’.

I personally resent the accusations lobbed against fujoshi of fetishisation, because it’s rooted in anti-woman rhetoric and I won’t have my tastes dictated to me. Everybody has opinions, but not all of them are valid.

BL is full of problematic tropes, just like regular M/F romance… and I’ve been reading romance and erotica for forty odd years. But these tropes are part of romance as a genre, and these tropes reflect our lived context. To single out BL/Yaoi as unique is nonsense. The tropes exist because the reality exists. Storytelling exists to allow us to find empathy for one another.

There are some good academic pieces out there, that debate this far better than I can. What I can tell you is that the internalised and externalised misogyny regarding BL content, is quite painful to me. Somebody always gotta rush on to tell women what they can and cannot enjoy. Dictate their sexuality and shame them for their pleasures.

We literally can’t have a damn thing nice, without some bozo trying to make us feel bad because we like it. Chile, I’m too old for that shit. We are allowed to like what we like, and enjoy problematic media just like anyone else. We are people too!

And lest you think otherwise: homophobia and transphobia’s roots are in anti-woman thinking and policies. That women do it to other women… well, it’s nice to be somebody’s favourite pet isn’t it. You get a padded cage, and the best kibble.

Osman benefits from the BL label, even though her story isn’t in my opinion BL. But criticising and alienating potential readers within the BL fandom seems to be a bit of a sport across ‘BL’ as it’s being broadly defined here. Because throwing shade on fans happens too much… by too many creators both Asian and Western.

Which is interesting, because the global market consuming this content is HUGE. You don’t understand the numbers of people reading Painter of The Night. I believe last year, it was more than all the people who bought romance novels in the West COMBINED. So if you think the Western authors don’t know the market for their stories are pale compared to what BL is doing on a global level, I should encourage you all to get interested in the business of BL. There is a lot of money and soft power in it.

But because it’s a FEMALE audience interested in SMUTTY stories, well… it’s a PROBLEM. Even in the countries of origin.

I get that we should analyze the problematic tropes in BL/Yaoi, but that’s what storytelling is for. I’m not for false equivalencies, because I personally disdain most Western content… and where do you see these types of stories in profusion from Western creators? No place. That’s where.

Maybe Osman has feelings because her story is no Painter of The Night. Maybe somebody asked her one too many times about our smutty stories… and what we got was shade and salt.

I did watch Heartbreaker on Netflix, and it was cute but I don’t feel compelled to rewatch it, the way I do say KinnPorsche or Love In The Air. I haven’t been moved to hunt down the comic to find out what happens next, the way I did when I watched that last scene of Twittering Birds Never Fly: The Clouds Gather.

Chile… Osman could NEVA.

[swallowerofdharma]

Yes, this is exactly why I have been collecting these quotes here, in a blog mostly dedicated to the analysis of two different manga, two different visual stories, that have something in common: the depiction - in images and words, of states of mind and actions - of trauma: from the event/events that caused the wound or fracture to the condition of living with it and through it, dramatically changed by it. Because these aren’t real people, it is possible for me to look at this pain without feeling that I am prying on someone else’s, someone too real. Where the writers took the inspiration I can’t know and don’t need to know, but through their sensibilities they show that they have access to an understanding of pain and trauma and through art they transform reality into representations and narratives accessible to me to look at. How these manga are created, with a primary author that has to work within margins of freedom of expression - very limited censorship for example - yet within the reason of readability by people who belong to niche cultures - can lead to a particular kind of language in which expressions of pain and discomfort haven’t yet been suppressed or absorbed into various current ideologies that surround and influence our understanding of pain and trauma.

Casca is someone who doesn’t exist yet I can read about her, see her, because an artist imagined her and used her to express a number of things: how to live in a female body and be part of a group of mercenary men, how to fight for more than survival and how to become used to violence and war, how to trust and dream and how to be betrayed, how to get to have a little glimpse of the possibility of being accepted and loved both in mind and body, only to have that experience used against her. The types of horror and fear she experiences, the exploitation of her vulnerabilities are especially crude, but I don’t detect a form of misogyny in her representation, rather a form of exploration of the horror and fear of bodily harm, of sexual assault, of loss of autonomy or loss of self equally experienced by all of us, women or young men quite similarly. Reading yaoi to understand the context of the production of other stories within the same medium, and going back to Shōjo manga during transformative times like the 1960s and 1970s, I have noticed that many women mangaka would rather use male bodies to explore that type of narratives around trauma and/or sexuality. In some of the stories that followed, that we indicate as yaoi manga - the exploitation of male bodies - in the complete absence of representation of female bodies - can became gratuitous the more they try to replicate a model that sold well but without the same authenticity or inspiration, if you want. But this is an open world of possibilities.

What I have observed about Casca and other female characters in Berserk is the tenacity of the author to have characters who represent experiences differently and cooperate with the main character, a wounded man, and offer him insight into a world that isn’t exclusively male and made of fights and violence, of prevarication and conflict. Guts and Casca both survived the graphic violence of the Eclipse: rather than only seeing Casca as a disempowered victim, rather than understanding the choices about her characterization as bad writing, bad choices or an attack or general misogyny, I am looking harder to maybe find out if Miura was doing something that women mangaka showed him: the representation of horror and fear and in this case the representation of the fractured self and regression and loss of autonomy that the main character can’t have, because he needs to continue the story, and at the same time the impossibility of being able to fully represent the trauma in a body that is our own, so we use the “other”. Guts needs to understand how to stop the cycle of violence to have some form of success in the economy of the story and Miura surrounded him with women and girls like Schierke and Farnese and men and boys like Rickert, Serpico and Isidro and bright magical creatures, and a changed Casca, a woman that can’t give him any reward, especially of sexual nature, can’t give him something back nor can have his back in violence anymore, although they would reminisce about the past. Casca has been given a different role as a child herself and mother to a lost child, a woman who finds comfort in the company of other women, so different from when she was the only one, alone in a world of men. She was the one who had to adapt, now Guts has to adapt to her. How that will go? we can only hope that Miura left a solid indication to work with, now the story is told by someone else. And this can be disappointing to women who read the story and see a representation of gender roles that appear to be backwards, when in fact the story wants Guts to learn to be more of a person than a beast, to learn from the experience of others who are different from the people he grew used to, violent mercenary men who will always have the same response to trauma: more violence. Men that can’t fathom the possibility of showing the effects of debilitating trauma through silence or insanity or withdrawal or unconventional but non violent behavior and the need for compassionate people who won’t reject you and still value you.

Casca and Guts to me in various moments are the same character, what Miura couldn’t show through Guts he showed through Casca. A male writer, addressing a mostly male readership as his primary audience and mostly picturing themselves in the story, artist and readers: he isn’t catering to the wishes and psychological needs of a female readership. That’s freedom of expression too. Women can write and have written fictional characters and stories that have been using male bodies to show, understand and exorcise their fears and desires, often times completely disregarding the possibility of representing themselves or their physical bodies in the story. I am just fascinated by these forms of expression and I want to treat them as sources for reflection rather than for some intended or unintended recreational purposes. Misunderstandings and recriminations or manifestations of anger or disappointment, complaints and insults are just part of those recreational practices when we talk about media, visual media especially. I can occasionally see the point of that, but mostly I want to be able to understand artists and their expressions better, when they caught my attention like this.

Virtually every survivor of trauma, whether or not they experience diagnosable post-traumatic stress, returns to the regular world and quickly recognizes that things are not as they were. People behave differently. There is an element of strangeness, a sense, often uncommunicated, of being marked by a kind of scarlet letter, even if one has not violated any moral code. In fact, in these situations, one’s degree of innocence or complicity in events can seem almost beside the point, as if one’s luck or simple fate is what is at stake. Often this change of perception is expressed in physical, spatial terms, as if the scope of what has transpired is so vast that it serves to alter one’s material position in the world.

David J. Morris, The Evil Hours

[sophiapathic]

Sk8: The Infinity - A Take on Love

Because my six unfinished assignments can wait until I throw this into the void, scream for five hours and after my voice gets hoarse, I resort to watching the beach episode on loop until next Saturday.

This was entirely sparked by the recap episode, which really pressed the reak havoc and theorize button in my brain. I am truly losing my grip on reality. Help. I apologize in advance, creatures of Tumblr. 

Me right now:

Anyways... 

I saw people mention here and there screaming that “we need canon relationships and they will get trust issues if a romance isn’t confirmed by the end of the series”. I think that mindset is harmful to have in this case. You can’t really avoid being disappointed if you get into the series expecting it to deliver on your wishes of gay romances. So, this might be controversial, but stay with me please. The anime and manga are both confirmed to be based primarily about the characters themselves and of course the sport -skating. I was hoping to take a closer look at what the series intends to do with certain dynamics and relationships according to yours truly. I also want explain my reasoning behind it not being queerbaiting, though it being inherently queer-coded, through the current lense of the canon.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story.

We need to state the genres this series is in, because some of us tend to forget. It is in fact not a shounen-ai, not a yaoi, not a romance, not even a josei. Say it with me it is a series in: COMEDY and SPORTS.

(Source is the official US Sk8 website.) The spotlight is udoubtedly on skating and what it means. Another important highlight of the show is how the definition of the sport relates to the characters, and how vastly different they are from what we expect. For example, when we see Shadow first, we pigeonhole him into this vulgar indecent rock and roll persona, only to find out later that he is actually a stweetheart at a flower shop. Joe is another very good case study. When we first see him we think of him as a womanizer muscle-head, later we find out he has a heart of gold and is very emotionally intelligent. We’re also quick to judge Miya as the cold, unfeeling prodigy then we discover how lonely and normal he is on the inside. And so on and so on. 

The show continues to defy our expectations of what each character should be like. In a way it is about breaking the conventional stereotypical roles we subconsciously assign to certain looks. We see that even in anime, multifaceted characters can exist without distrupting or damaging the delicate dynamics of a traditional sports anime. We successfully established the second focal point of the series as disproving stereotypes and presenting strong, diverse and unexpected personalities.

How about the defition of skating? What does it mean in the context of Sk8: The Infinity then? Where does a love story come into the picture? Skating is repeatedly described as a ritual of love within the anime, an idea that our villian, Ad*m, is obessed with. In a sense skating is a language of love canonically.

Then skating itself is love. Throughout the series we see varied styles of skating therefore different ways of expressing love, affection. We get to experience several metaphorical ways of “being in love” through characters skating with each other. Each dynamic shows us a type of love. Healthy, disfunctional, outright abusive. 

The way Reiki teaches Langa to skate can be interpreted as a direct metaphor for someone learning to love again after losing a person close to them. Langa’s father has died and Reiki literally brings him out of his shell again. It can also be interpreted as a queer kid’s experience of a world of romance that feels similar to his previous one, that being snowboarding, yet it still being new and different. Skateboarding. When due to Reiki Langa’s potential is discovered and his hunger for more and more develops, especially next to Ad*m, Reiki’s main frustration stems from them not being well-matched or on equal footing anymore. He feels like he cannot give Langa what he needs anymore. Which would obviously go againts the literal description of a healthy romance. Two people with mutual respect who both bring equal assets to the table. He feels like he needs to catch-up to be with Langa again. The only thing he doesn’t consider is Langa’s deep appreciation of him and the fact that literally he was the one who helped Langa experince the feeling of love again.

Kojiro and Kaoru’s relationships, to me, is very much representative of two people  wanting to be in each other’s presence, but due to their different language of love, miscommunicating horribly. Them bantering and insulting each other is the only way they know what to do with the other. The only way they can ensure the other’s attention and eyes are on them. This has worked so far. They are literal opposites, but both have a very clear definition of their form of love. To Joe skating, or love itself, is about the feeling and going with the flow. Being spontaneous. Whereas for Cherry, every move needs to be calculated and executed perfectly in order to be “efficient”. Their frustration comes from both wanting different things from the other, but not communicating their need properly. Despite this, they stick together due to a magnetic pull they obviously feel towards the other. The attraction is there, the trust is there, they are even well-matched in skill as we see them neck-to-neck constantly. They could give each other what the other wants. Only if they could express themselves well... This is why Joe pushes Reiki towards reconciling with Langa. he wants them to not fall into the same trap of not stating their  needs and thoughts properly.

Now Ad*m and Langa are obviously problematic and I don’t really want to have to explain, honestly guys. I really don’t  (since I have trauma regarding this subject), but I need to go into this a little bit. This is a textbook toxic predatory relationship. Where the older, twisted, damaged person, has an obsession with a young, outstading child. He wants to lead him into “Paradise” and show his “Eve” what love is really about. (Ain’t that disgusting you guys...) His form of love is inflicting pain, so I really can’t imagine a scenario where he and his “Eve” live happily ever after and everything is fine and dandy. He needs someone who he can torture. He literally is looking for someone who can handle his way of expressing affection, his “love hug”, who has the same type of crazy eyes for adrenaline and danger. His Eve. In his distorted mind, this all makes sense and Langa is that someone he was looking for thoughout the years. The problem is, he disregards Langa’s side where the relationship becomes problematic.

Cherry and Ad*m during their younger years seems to be a very innocent infatuation on Kaoru’s end. It is a one-sided relationship where someone is in love with the idea of a person long gone. They were discovering the world of skating, or the world of love together with Ad*m taking the lead. Cherry immediately became infatuated with him, wanted to learn his love language, wanted to be at the same level he was. It probably started very innocent. At first, Ad*m being gentle, because that’s how Tadashi was with him too, then after whatever happened between those two, Ad*m, disappointed in the way of love, or skating, Tadashi showed him, returned to what his aunts taught him. Maybe after injuring Kaoru with the “love hug”, therefore eliminating him from being his potential partner, started looking for his “Eve”, gradually became more agressive in love as in skating. Kaoru was distraught and wanted the Ad*m he originally learned love from back. Holding out some hope even years after. Trained to get used to his “love hug”, to literally condition himself to be able to get close to him. Ad*m, however showed Cherry brutally that he truly cannot handle his way of love.

Ad*m and Tadashi. *sighs* As of this post, I don’t really have enough information to give you a good overview of what I see this relationship representing. As far as I can tell Ad*m was abused horribly and to ease the pain and make him forget, Tadashi showed his another way of expressing affection. Skating or love. Basically a first love gone horrible bad, scarring an already abused child and turning them into a monster. Tadashi himself reinstates this during one of the episodes. It was his fault that Ad*m turned out the way he did. Their love slowly became strongly abusive throughout the years. Tadashi is stuck in it because he feels like he deserves it. This is a metaphor for  dangers of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship, where one person feels responsible and the other is using power. Tadashi’s guilt keeps him next to his master and he even endures abuse, now he is trying to break out and show Ad*m he messed up and I think this could potentially be a good representation of how difficult that process truly is. 

As far as Reiki’s, Miya’s, Shadow’s skating goes. Their main arc relating to love is first and foremost learning to accept themselves and aprecciating their uniqe way and style of skating. Only after can they become people who can truly be accomplished in love/skating (in Miya’s case I’m obviously talking about platonic feelings). Each of them had a preconception of their persona in love/skating, which gets questioned heavily throughout the series. Miya gets defeated, Shadow’s soft side gets discovered, Reiki... well. I get sad. :c Even though he taught someone to love again, to appreciate life again, he ended up discovering how dissatisfied he truly is with himself... These three all need to learn to love every aspect of themselves to reach fulfillment and to really experience healthy human relationships.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story, without explicitly being a romance, meaning that it is a tale about love, both romantic, platonic and everything inbetween through a queer-coded lens, showing both dysfunctional, abusive and healthy relationships, ways to express emotions and even delves into self-love and the idea of nature versus nurture in the villian’s case.

That is why I, personally don’t scream for a canon couple. To me, the show gets its main point about affection and love across, without making any of these relationships explicitly stated. Not to mention that it does justice to both of its assigned genres. Comedy and Sports as well. Yeah sure, I wouldn’t complain, but I think these dynamics are more than satisfying to watch, and much deeper than bishounens wanting to bang each other, which is, in my opinion, inherently sexualized. If they want, yeah they can confirm, make it canon without forcing it to be a center storyline. Hell, I would even be happy about it. I would clap with all of us. BUT, as the series currently is, I really see it taking the other route because of the above. This way audiences who want a yaoi or ikemen going at it, won’t be disappointed with the series when they find doesn’t revolve around that, straight viewers will just find it flamboyant, and people who look for subtext and want to read between the lines will certainly do that with the amount of crumbs and hints the writers gave us. 

We don’t need outright, written in black and white gay representation in Sk8 to experience very real types of love. The queer theme is secondary to me, just like queerness is, in most people’s lives. Yeah sure, it is a big thing, but not the only attribute a person has. My life doesn’t revolve around my queerness. I rarely talk about it. If I was a main character this would be a side-arc. Just like Sk8 doesn’t revolve around the characters coming out. It’s just them living their lives and possibly being queer while doing so. If you look at it this way, it is almost normalizing attraction between same-sex people by just showing it as regular love. If you can, why not interpret it this way, so it can be a liberating experience instead of a disappointing one.

Please don’t attack me! I am fragile and this is only my opinion. c:  *crawls back into her hole*

[mangacapsaicin]

are you okay with girls liking yaoi?

i really don't think the framing of questions like this (or like "is it okay for men to like yuri" which is another question i've gotten on this blog which caused...a bit of controversy) are helpful. it doesn't encourage critical thinking about why people engage with certain genres or behaviors wrt the media they consume, and it's too broad to be useful.

fetishizing and commodifying mlm/mlm relationships is undeniably harmful, and there's absolutely no denying that women can be intensely homophobic in their treatment of gay men, and this is absolutely reflected in and influenced by their relationship to the media they consume. but—as i said about men liking yuri—the mere act of enjoying gay romance isn't wrong or unethical no matter who you are. it's more a matter of how you view your relationship to that media, e.g., the homophobic notion that consuming romance between two men is weirder or more shameful than consuming heterosexual romance, or trying to conceptualize the lived experiences of real gay men through the fantasy lens of BL. so whether or not you "like" something often isn't enough to go on when assigning a moral value to it. it's more useful to talk about how you perceive yourself (and others) in relation to it, whether you can engage critically with it and are open to understanding the cultural context and social dynamics in which it exists.

i will also say that BL attracts women for different reasons than yuri attracts men; the gender dynamics are different, so they aren't just two sides of the same coin. for example, i got an ask on my main a while back where i wrote a little about how BL often serves a particular purpose for wlw (mostly bi women ime, but i know some lesbians as well who are into BL) to explore homosexuality at a "safe distance" from their own lived experiences. this logic also applies more broadly to why women, including straight women, are attracted to BL in general though—the fantasy of a romance unburdened by patriarchy (of course, in real life, gay men often have a much more complicated relationship to patriarchy, of which heterosexuality and gender conformity are still essential components). all of this has been written about by a lot of people way smarter and more knowledgeable on the subject than i am, though, so i don't wanna speak too much on it.

speaking of, i do wanna give a shoutout to @fujoshimenacecw which is a new project working to examine the cultural underpinnings and sociopolitical context of BL. if you're interested in critical consumption of BL media this is definitely something to keep an eye on.

[rebellionbeach]

The Usami brothers and whole family as a whole are really interesting characters.  Due mostly by the fact of how different Haruhiko and Akihiko are yet similar in many ways as well.  Let’s start with rabbit boy.

Not only is this man extremely sexy but he’s also one of the most popular novelists in Japan believe it or not (not in real life guys)  Akihiko is the presumably biological son of Natsuko and Fuyuhiko and younger brother of Haruhiko Usami.  Growing up, he had always yearned for the attention of his parents, wanting to impress them and make them happy.  Haruhiko had actually been introduced to the Usami household at the age of 12 so Akihiko was 10 at the time and significant development seemed to grow from this change.  As shown from volume 21, everyone had been cheering Akihiko on as the legitimate heir of the Usami family meaning to take over the family business however he had never gotten this support from his parents before.  As a young child he had believed that if he just tried harder and became good at everything, then his parents would finally recognize him.  However, this wasn’t the case unfortunately as shown in the same volume once a young Akihiko came home from school gaining full marks on a test, eager to show his father when he caught him telling Haruhiko that he truly intended to make him the heir of the family business.  This impact was further felt once his mother, who had also witnessed this, declared that she should have never bore Fuyuhiko’s child which in the eyes of a young child must have been completely shattering.  An important seed was planted however and I believe that it was at this moment that Akihiko had started to evolve into the person he is today.  He poured all his emotion, pain, loss, suffering into his notebooks, his stories, proclaiming it to be his entire world.  Overtime we see that Akihiko grows to be very adept at the talent, being one of the top-selling authors from debut which occurred while still in high school and becoming a full-fledged novelist.  Doing this, he completely rejected his family and any connections he might have had to take over the business.  

Looking as Akihiko today it is very clear the type of individual he is, independent and self-serving, he’s his own boss and does only the things he wants to do.  From the first episode of season 2 we see this as there is a key event that takes place between the two Usami brothers in which a confrontation between two escalates into a full-out argument over Akihiko coming back to, as I assume, take over the lead of the Usami company and or serve there.  I will note later on Haruhiko’s tone and content of his language but it’s Akihiko’s response which truly stuck out to me as he stated that he had no inclination of going back to that house and if that Haruhiko truly didn’t like being there then why doesn’t he just leave as well.

This point may seem entirely irrelevant but I actually believe it highlights an essential part of Akihiko’s character that not only serves as his strength but also a blind spot in that of his independence.  Akihiko is the type of person who is able to do the things he’d like to do and encourages the people he cares about, basically Misaki, to do the same such as in episode 2 of season 3 where he is actually the one who encourages Misaki to enter into Marukawa after Misaki dismisses those thoughts as just a fantasy.  This is a thing for his relationship with Misaki as he allows the man a different perspective and in a way allows him, or at least encourages him, to be more selfish.  However this can also be seen as a flaw of his character as it can be interpreted that the only reason he has this lax and independent personality in the first place is because of his more well-off family and the fact that he’d had connections from the start.  In all honestly though, this part of Usagi-san’s personality is one of the main reasons why I actually enjoy his character, along with his thoughtful nature, as I believe that it’s a pretty unique and well-suited trait.

Let’s get into Harry Potter or the eldest brother of the Usami residence, Haruhiko.  Haruhiko isn’t Akihiko’s direct brother as stated before but rather a product of an affair that Fuyuhiko had with his mother.  For the first 12 years of his life, Haruhiko had actually been raised by his single-mother whom he loved very much.  During these times he had been seen to be much more happy despite living in poorer circumstances.  This is a large aspect that is pretty big onto why he is the way he is today.  After his mother tragically passing on, Fuyuhiko took him into to live in the Usami residence.  Now this in itself is absolutely devastating, living with a father-figure that had never truly been there for you with a new mother-in-law that despises your every existence because you’re the proof of the infidelities of her marriage and a new younger brother who seemed lifeless from the rest of this.  Top it all off with the devastation from losing the only person you truly loved and was there for you and damn I’m surprised that Haruhiko didn’t full out lose it.  

Now going back to the scene originally discussed with Akihiko’s backstory, let us switch perspective onto Haruhiko during this situation.  Your new dad just stated that the person he had truly loved in his lifetime was your dead mother and that he intended to make you, a 12 year old child, the heir of their family company that you had just learned about.  Not only this but everyone around you is your enemy as shown through all the people cheering on Akihiko to become the true heir and saying that Haruhiko stole his position.  There is basically no one there to support you, similar to Akihiko, and unlike Akihiko he actually was not used to this new circumstance making the situation even worse. 

I’d like to discuss the scene stated before during episode 1 of season 2.  Here, Haruhiko is visibly angry as Akihiko’s lack of care for his role in the Usami residence.  This is something we’ve never actually gotten to see ever since with Haruhiko barely showing any emotion at all.  However, if you take in the full context of his upbringing and circumstance to that point, you can see a fuller picture of what the man has gone through to become the stoic chosen one we know today.  Akihiko, after being hoisted by Isaka to finally start publishing his works, his entire being, finally achieved success independent from the Usami residence, marking himself finally as an individual allowing him to finally see that he only needs himself.  I think this is what caused Akihiko to cut most connection from his family, despite the occasional visits, and totally puts himself away from the idea of succeeding and become the heir of his family’s company.  This leaves Haruhiko with the burden of shouldering the entire Usami company’s future, something he never truly wanted to today with architecture being his main priority.  What he see’s in Akihiko is this lazy, selfish person who only thinks of himself, abandoning all his familial duties to a brother whom he barely batted an eye to during childhood.  This is what he hates in Akihiko, but also envies.  A very interesting point that season 2 makes with the connection between the Usami brothers is the inherent jealously Haruhiko feels toward Akihiko, with him trying to steal things from him during their upbringing together according to Akihiko.  Even Misaki finally has this revelation during episode 8 I believe when he was distracting him from Kaoruko.  I think his jealously mainly stems from the fact that Akihiko got his independence while Haruhiko is still confined to the Usami gates.  With all of Akihiko’s absent-minded behavior and to quote Haruhiko, “having the eyes of a dead fish”, Akihiko in the end still achieved that sense of independence that Haruhiko could only dream about having.  Add onto the fact that everyone around you hates that you got this position, lobbying for your younger half-brother who barely gives in the effort to succeed you, then baby that’s a recipe for childhood resentment if I’ve ever seen one.  

So what does this all mean, well nothing since this is an over-analysis on a yaoi manga but in a reality I think it comes to show the clear dynamic Haruhiko and Akihiko have on one another.  In recent chapters it is shown that Haruhiko is more and more aspiring in his own pursuits in architecture, even accepting his position as lead of the Usami household and accepting the fact that he’ll never get Misaki, wanting to stay as his ally instead (which is a lot more than I can say for a CERTAIN manga author).

I love Haruhiko AND Akihiko, they both are really great characters and I’d think it would be nice if in the future they could perhaps reconcile their relationship and kind of start to get along.  The Usami household fucked up a lot of kids but they are still going strong and who knows, maybe Haruhiko might get a lover in the future (AKA Todo)

Thank you and now I implore you to go listen to Nelson’s After the Rain album, 10/10 made me cry.

[yisanged]

i picked the option to make this go for a week without meaning to whoops. might as well milk it a bit i guess. it's funny. context is a reblog from the yaoi poll:

and below the cut are some facts about both that may sway your opinion one way or another. or just random trivia that means nothing

kim dokja: gay, transphobic but mostly gets over it, only reads webnovels, has gotten reported on forums for repeatedly trying to get people to read his favorite webnovel which he read for 13 years even though it sucked and no one else would read it because it because it sucked, commented on every single chapter of said novel (all 3149 of them), did contract work without a real job before the apocalypse, adopted several children, beat up a guy as part of a trade once, established a monopoly on food in a place where people were struggling to get by, many other instances of arguably unethical business deals, wants to live in a big house with all of his friends, has little problem with killing and lying, actively worked against existing higher powers and established his own place amongst them

yoo joonghyuk: also gay but in denial, genderness but in denial, explicitly canonically stated "pro gamer", died like 2000 times trying to achieve the same goal, wants all his friends to stay alive, is an unemployed terrorist at some point, good at cooking, astronaut, admirable older brother figure, widely accepted to be one of the strongest fighters in the world, drinks tea but evidently only herbal, has gotten spanked actually in novel, often threatens people with physical violence, gets hit on as in romantically/sexually multiple times in the story, also gets hit and hits others as in like physically attack multiple times that's just normal for him, on and off depression, also has little problem with killing and other crimes, actively hates the higher powers and goes against them

[my-artblog-is-ssjumi]

16, 19 and 22?

16. A fic you're very proud of?

overall i’m proud of pretty much anything i consider good enough to upload it for how well it satisfies a specific aesthetic itch i couldn’t get scratched elsewhere.

i mean, ofc it varies greatly how long i will stay satisfied with it but. even if i’m not particularly interested in rereading it again a couple years down the road, there’s usually always something i will stay proud about in one way or the other.

like.

there are a few older stories i wouldn’t consider well-written anymore nowadays but i still very much like their concept and some of the scenes.

other stories i... also wouldn’t wanna recommend based on the quality of the writing alone but on the context of which fandom i posted them in in what, uh, fandom climate at the time? like that “Seto/MarySue BUT ALSO Ati/Seto” fanfic i posted in the mids of the “straights vs yaoi fans - fight!” times on the respective German fanwork archive.

or that one more recent story i posted in RPF fandom about how RPF fandom would have probably ruined the very thing it liked to imagine if that thing had been real. and all the other stories to that fandom where i was trying to make a point of how the dudes our characters are based on are just flawed human beings who fuck up all the time and not ppl to be put on pedestals and either worshipped or hunted for sports with no in-betweens.

and then there are stories that i almost forgot about until i get a comment that tells me i did my research well or at least really nailed a specific emotional aspect of something that i should’ve done more research on in retrospect so maybe in that particular case it’s more like. relief??? XD’

idk

it’s a complicated question lol

i just like writing and filling in gaps that i feel others haven’t filled to my satisfaction yet and. somehow stories happen XD’ if i don’t like the result i don’t post it, so pretty much everything by me you can find online is something i’m still either proud of or in some other way find. hm. necessary to exist in the fandom space it’s in.

*

19. Where do you write?

at home w my laptop on my lap. i used to mostly write in bed bc i only had a bed, but now i have a living room and a couch XD

*

22. Favourite part about writing fanfiction? 

getting to read it afterwards and basking in how perfectly i catered to my own taste :,)

[gascon-en-exil]

@capriciouscorvid said

how can anon forget about all the Ike/Soren drama… there were a lot of familiar cries of “gross yaoi fangirls”

Ok, but… has the definition of gay content shifted when I wasn’t looking?? What happened to subtext? Queer people thrive out of sight, in coded language. Seeing stuff out in the open is nice, but come now, it can’t be the end all, can it? Are we just gonna start assuming people must be proven without a doubt to be gay?? That seems like it would reinforce the idea that straight people are default.

Anon did respond clarifying they meant explicit content, which must translate to Avatar S ranks if Fates is being counted as the start of that.

I’ve reconciled myself to the reality that I’m in the minority when it comes to finding value in FE subtext. It irks me when people laud the Eagles as the “gay house” or conversely dismiss Dimitri as straight when Faerghus is the only nation in Three Houses with a distinctly developed culture that incidentally also suggests a unique model for same-sex desire between men. The various queer relationships among the Eagles and related characters (Manuela, Jeritza) all may as well exist in a vacuum, as none of these half dozen or so pairings tell us anything by their similarities anything about the culture of Adrestia, except perhaps the association (common in a number of real world cultures) between thespians and more relaxed ideas about sex, whether that be in their choice of partners or in the commercialization of their bodies. And even then, what does Dorothea and Manuela’s behavior say about any of the rest of them? Granted that kind of content is easier to slot into modern AUs, hence the love of Avatar S ranks where there’s also a self-insert wish fulfillment element, but it’s just about useless for worldbuilding and in a way can even hamper it, ex. popular fanon having everyone getting married because Fòdlan just has marriage equality, when that’s highly unlikely to be the case. Dimitri and Dedue get to be this remarkable exception where they live and die together even as Dedue’s presence is explicitly disrupting the homoromantic traditions enshrined in Faerghus legend, but Caspar and Linhardt have to abandon their positions and travel the world because Ike and his boyfriends did it and Hubert and Ferdinand likely only get to be publicly involved as two very high-profile bureaucrats in the Imperial capital because anyone who might raise an objection to them promptly disappears and is never heard from again. And I can’t even begin to figure out what we’re meant to glean from any of the Avatar S ranks, because Byleth is such a non-entity and exists entirely without context except whatever the player opts to gives them.

The thing about well-written subtext is that it can enhance the world and the characters to whom it applies when the developers don’t want to go all the way with creating fully fleshed-out queer content. The “S ranks or it didn’t happen” attitude is not especially helpful to anyone.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

[azurowle]

all right, I told myself @nerdylilpeebee i had a thought or five about this Very Interesting If Totally Wrong Comment, so I might as well get it out of the way.

“women supporting pedophilic relationships or age gaps”

I have yet to see any series in which fujoshi “support” a pedophilic relationship. Literally the only one that comes to mind for me is Boku no Pico, which was created by a man for men. Might just be my very extremely sheltered ass but in terms of series portraying pedophilic relationships in a positive or romantic light - or fujoshi accepting it as positive and romantic - I’m drawing a complete blank.

Age gap discourse is bullshit if both parties are over the AoC and consenting, but I give this person credit for distinguishing age gaps from being pedophilic, because while age gap ships do run the risk of exploitation and power imbalance, if they’re over the AoC it’s not pedophilia.  Even if one or both of the parties is under the AoC Romeo and Juliet laws exist for a reason.

They’re pictures, friendo. They’re not real. They are not a living, breathing person. 

“seeing actual real men and going ‘[extremely outdated and exaggerated characterization of fujoshi here that i can’t be fucking arsed to type out]’”

Name one actual instance where you have seen this happen in this day and age. This sounds like something I did when I was like, fourteen or fifteen. Aka, yes, assholeish behavior, but nothing I wouldn’t expect from a goddamn teenager.

If they are a teenager, you educate them on why what they’re doing is wrong. If they persist, yeah, read ‘em the riot act.  But having been a fourteen/fifteen year old teen whose only positive gay representation was in smutty fanfic, and being a new atheist after having lived years as a Roman Catholic (which is patronizing towards LGBT+ folks at best), most will either grow out of their behavior or be willing to correct it.

There’s already a name for adult women who do this: Homophobes. Not fujoshi.  As has been explained ad nauseam, they are not synonymous terms.

“people supporting toxic relationships”

This is either Killing Stalking or one of the other rare generic yaoi out there that’s being addressed.

The fan content I see produced very explicitly addresses and does not portray abuse in a positive or good light, which is more than I can say for a lot of mainstream fiction.  Which...antis aren’t terribly fond of going after for some reason. Probably because it’s easier and more satisfying to bully and break unpaid content creators who make free stuff for their fandoms than it is to go after a multi-billion dollar company who could care less about you.

Again, they’re drawings, friendo. AKA, NOT REAL PEOPLE.

“Blatant transphobia by making a trans man overly feminine for a heteronormative ship and calling it ‘progressive’”

This is edging very, very close to both truscum/transmed AND trans-exclusionary radfem ideology (more to trans exclusion than truscum but I’m seeing elements of both here). If that’s the line anti-fujoshi want to try and walk they better have good fucking balance.

I AM A FEMININE TRANS MAN. IT DOESN’T MAKE ME LESS OF A FUCKING MAN. I suppose I’m blatantly transphobic, then, just by existing? Good to know.  Thanks.

It would really be nice if anti-fujoshi understood the concept of “context” and “nuance” they were harping on me for apparently ignoring a few days ago.  Whether or not something like this is “blatantly transphobic” means taking a critical look at the author’s tone, the surroundings in the story, the characters themselves, the structure and flow of the plot. In other words, it means actually putting some thought into the thing you’re reading, which doesn’t seem like something these people do when it comes to yaoi - it’s either all bad or “no that’s not yaoi the representations too positive”.

THEY. ARE. PEN. AND. INK. DRAWINGS. OF. FICITONAL. CHARACTERS. THEY ARE NOT REAL.  THEY CAN’T BE FUCKING HURT.

“enjoyed can be stretched here”

Which is certainly a thing this person did. 

I mean, for me, “enjoy” means “indulging in a piece of fiction that allows me to escape the utter loneliness and discontentment that has become my life over the past thirty-one years”. Shockingly enough, it usually ends up being tender smut, nuanced and complexed stories, or one of the few kinks that I have. I immediately back-click if there’s evidence of graphic CSA, rape, or abuse, even if it’s not portrayed in a positive or fetishizing light. Which in my current fandom, has been...about .00000000000000000000000001% of the time, at worst.

I’m a fudanshi and refused to be ashamed of it. Because once upon a time I considered myself a fujoshi based on what radfems and anti-fujoshi said. It’s the worst feeling in the world.