#which is not even what's pissing me off the most

[noodles-doodles01]

Thank youuuuu

“Liam is piggy backing off of the others success”

“Liam’s tiktok is so cringe, he’s clearly just doing it for attention”

“Liam always talks about one direction bc it’s the only time he was relevant”

On and on and on and on. To the point where when I told people Liam was my favourite (before the allegations even came out) people would kind of wince and be like “really?”

The podcasts which spoke about him and how his music compared to the rest (yes the Kurtis Connor one), the constant hate towards his dancing and strip that down (which isn’t the worst song to exist im so sorry) etc etc etc

People act like he didn’t see this too? The man said multiple times that he knew he was the least liked and it was clear it impacted him negatively. He constantly defended why he spoke on one direction.

The most telling thing is how when that stupid Logan Paul podcast came out, everyone was riding on how he acted and what he said and made fun of him. No one mentioned or spread the word about his apology and how he checked himself in after. Hell even Louis had to come out and defend him bc some people can’t just STFU.

And it pisses me off how now everyone is giving him his flowers. NOW people realizes he was just supporting his friends. NOW people realize he was genuinely struggling with addiction and was open about dealing with it. NOW people understand he was keeping the fandom alive bc he was SIXTEEN when it started and it’s a HUGE change for anyone to endure. NOW people see how he had a sense of humour but they were shoved so far up their own asses to see he was being funny and not cringe. It took his damn funeral for people to realize that the boys didn’t hate him.

And I will never forgive those people for that.

You know what really pisses me off? The rewriting of history. People want to pretend like the only reason Liam Payne was getting hate was because of the allegation. But I call bullshit. 99% of the people hating him online had no idea about the allegations or didn't care. They were bullying him online because they thought he was "cringe."

The latest wave of bullying online, which I saw weeks before his death, had nothing to do with the allegations. It had to do with him dancing at Niall's concert. The hate started with the Logan Paul interview, where Liam didn't say anything that warranted being dogpiled by the internet. And it never stopped.

Now, people want to rewrite history and pretend Liam wasn't bullied and humiliated for just being himself because it was "cringe." But you can't because that's the truth. Imagine bullying someone online because you thought he danced weirdly or was cringe. Then they get all defensive afterwards, sprouting bullshit about how they're "allowed to have an opinion." Yeah, and your opinion has real-life consequences.

Some of you want to pretend like Liam Payne hadn't been the internet's punching bag for years. Enough.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

A Very Hopper Holidays

Hopper POV || wc: 3.7k || tags: smoking, recreational drugs, grouchy old men dealing with their feelings, smart-ass Eddie Munson, meet-cute Steddie, Steve and Max siblings, El thinks Steve is cute (so does Eddie), emotionally available Wayne Munson gives the best advice, holiday fluff, found family

This is a companion piece to my fic The Babysitter Chronicles, but can be read separately!

Brief background: Wayne patched Steve up after his fight with Billy in s2

Hopper’s freezing his goddamn balls off out here, waiting on the front stoop in the dark, banging his fist on the door. There’s no answer, but the lights are all on and it’s dinnertime on Christmas Eve. So someone’s fucking home, and the sooner they answer the sooner he can leave.

“Dammit, Wayne. Open the door so I can give you a damn present, or next time I pick up your nephew maybe I throw him in jail for the night instead of bringing him home.”

Sure enough, the door flies open, but it’s not Wayne on the other side. The kid’s standing there, layered in enough flannel shirts and sweatpants to dress all of El’s shithead friends with some left over. Hopper watches as he drags the sleeve of an oversized black flannel across his red and dripping nose, shifting uncomfortably and eyes darting side to side.

“Munson,” Hopper crosses his arms, ���where the hell’s your uncle?”

Even bundled up like a little kid, he still tries to make himself bigger, taller, meaner, like he always does when Hopper picks him up. “Not here.” The tone is flat, devoid of Munson’s usual snark as a particularly intense gust of wind slams the screen door open against the side of the trailer.

“It’s Christmas eve, what do you mean he’s not here?”

“He’s working.”

Hopper scoffs. “You’re telling me your uncle works Christmas eve?”

Munson scoffs back at him, a dramatic mockery of Hopper’s own tone. “We’re Jewish, asshole.”

Well, shit.

He doesn’t have time for the kid’s hardass act. All he wanted to do was drop off a simple thank you and also merry christmas but now probably happy hanukkah gift and be on his way to his own family. He can only hope El spares him a bit of holiday mercy for making her wait. 

“Kid, can I just come in?” He takes another step up, only for Munson to block his path.

His eyes grate across Hopper’s jacket, noting the star on the chest. “No cops in the trailer.” 

A low grumble forces its way up Hopper’s throat which breaks into a frustrated groan when another gust of wind scrapes the exposed skin on his cheeks. He stamps his feet on the stairs hoping it’ll keep the blood flow going to his toes as they start to tingle. Munson’s wrapped his hands up inside the sleeves of what’s most likely one of Wayne’s old jackets.

“Look,” Eddie starts, sniffling another drip back inside his nose, “if you could just–”

But Hopper cuts him off with a deranged laugh, head thrown back in dismay at this entire situation. “No, you look here. You’re going to listen to exactly what I have to say.”

Eddie’s taken a step back, and yeah, Hopper supposes he’s never seen the Chief of Police actually freak out before. But it’s been a long day of wellness checks and stove fires, and Eddie’s the only thing standing between him and a night of kid’s Christmas movies and spiked eggnog.

So he pushes forward, spurred on by the kid’s once-in-a-lifetime stunned silence. “Now it’s clear that Wayne’s working nights, probably earning holiday hours to pay for the radiator which is pretty obviously busted, given the ten to twenty shirts you’re wearing. Meaning you’re alone, in a tin box with a tiny space heater that’s so old it’s a fire hazard shoved into the corner of your room.” The Chief walks up the stairs, standing on the step just before the door so he’s towering over Eddie, who shrinks in on himself just a bit. 

“Here’s what’s going to happen, Munson.” Hopper ticks off each gloved finger as his list of demands grows, Eddie’s growing wider in time. “You’re going to let me inside so I can piss and blow my nose, since I’ve been standing out here for too fucking long. You’re going to pack a bag, you’re going to call your uncle, and you’re going to tell him you’re staying with me for the night.”

Eddie stammers, mouth flapping around words he can’t find fast enough. It doesn’t matter, because Hopper’s on a roll now.

“Then,” he steamrolls Eddie again, pushing his way into the trailer, closing the door as Eddie stumbles backwards down onto the couch, “you’re going to eat my food, you’re going to watch our movies, you’re going to smile when we smile and laugh when we laugh because even if you’re Jewish you can still have a damn good fucking Christmas eve!”

He’s sick and tired of stupid teenage boys trying to be something they aren’t, like they’re manly or tough or strong for barely surviving on their own, practically raising themselves. And the best way Hopper can drill that into their thick skulls is to get them to shut the fuck up and feed them.

The silence lingers on the frost coating the inside of the windows and the crust of dried snot on Eddie’s sleeve. The kid’s avoiding eye contact, like Hopper will just leave if he’s ignored. But if Hopper can outlast guards in the POW camp, and a little girl who hates green beans, then he can sure as hell outlast Eddie goddamn Munson. So Hopper waits. And waits. 

It pays off, like he knew it would. The kid gets up, storms towards one end of the trailer. Hopper slowly follows down the narrow hallway and sees Eddie viciously shoving rumpled clothes into a backpack, mumbling about pigs and asshole cops. 

After all’s said and done, they’re pulling up to the cabin about twenty minutes later. The front door opens with a bang in greeting, causing Eddie to jump out of his skin. But when they step through the now open door into the warmth of the living room, there’s no one there to greet them.

Ah, so she’s a little upset.

El’s door is closed, like it’s not supposed to be. Light shines out from underneath, and he can hear soft voices inside. The whispers are abruptly hushed when he knocks on her door. “El, honey, I need you to open the door. Six inches, remember?” Hopper tries turning the handle but it doesn’t budge. Honestly he can’t help but wonder why he bothered to install a door with no lock when she’s got superpowers– that’s on him, he supposes. 

He turns around to find Munson standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room. “Take your jacket off, put your shit down, and stay a while, will ya?” Hopper laughs at Eddie’s incredulous expression, eyebrows scrunched together and lips pursed tight. 

“Ok,” Eddie drags the sound out in question as he sets his pack next to the couch, “who opened the fucking door?”

“Hey, language!" Hopper calls, Max’s voice echoing his own.

Eddie startles, head whipping between Hopper’s no-doubt exasperated expression and El’s still-closed bedroom door. He drags his hands down his face and sighs as her mimicry sends the girls into a fit of giggles. He hasn’t decided yet if Max is a good influence on El, even if Hopper knows it’s not himself she’s mocking.

He hears the creak of the bathroom door opening as Steve walks back into the living room. Hopper can’t help but turn to watch the show, the two boys coming face to face. 

Munson’s oversized black and red flannel covers the ripped sleeves of whatever tattered, black band t-shirt he’s wearing. Which would be on par with what he normally looks like, except it’s contrasted against bright blue, wool pajama pants with little white snowflakes on them. When Hopper first spotted them at the trailer, a teasing smirk on his face, Munson only rolled his eyes and argued they were the warmest clean pair he had.

Harrington, on the other hand, has lived his entire life in locker rooms and an empty house. Which means that he once again forgot to bring a shirt to change into after his shower. It's not normally a problem-- except when El catches him, a blush lighting up her face like a goddamn Christmas tree, accompanied by incessant giggles that make Hopper want to drown himself.

What is a problem is Munson’s shameless gawking, mouth wide enough to catch a whole swarm of flies. His blush puts El's to shame, red blotches burst across his neck like hives. Hopper can practically see the steam rolling out of the guy’s ears, hearts popping out of his eyes as he just stares and stares his fill, completely unaware that Hopper’s still standing less than five feet from him.

Thankfully, so far Steve is none the wiser. He’s got a cotton swab in his ear, head tipped down as he double-knots his Tigersharks swim team sweatpants. Hopper notices they hang baggy and loose around his hips. Another shitty reminder of how much weight the kid’s lost since getting kicked off the team because of his ‘incident’ with Hargrove. He wonders about the last time the kid ate a decent meal, and pushes down the rising anger at the most realistic answer, which is not recent enough for his liking. Hopper has the same gnawing concern when he looks back at Munson, dark circles under his eyes, skinny as a bean-pole. 

He’s got to stop taking in strays.

“Harrington, we’ve talked about this.” Hop tries to keep the frustration out of his voice, but if he has to watch El swoon over the kid’s wet hair and bare chest again he’s gonna blow a gasket. “Put a damn shirt on.”

“Oh, yeah sorry, Hop.” Which is the exact moment Steve decides to turn his head. They both catch Munson giving Steve a once over, who then chokes on his own spit when he notices Steve looking back at him. Hopper knows Harrington’s trying to turn over a new leaf, but he also knows the kind of people Richard and Helen Harrington are. So he’s a little surprised when, instead of having to stop a potential hate crime, he notices a similar blush bloom across Steve’s chest– or maybe it’s the heat from the shower. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Muson’s screech is so high it could set dogs howling. Steve flinches at the outburst, and Hopper hopes this little interaction doesn’t trigger another migraine for the kid. He was barely pushing through when Hop picked him up yesterday, but seems to be feeling better today.

“Munson, I need you to tone it down,” Hopper argues. It goes unnoticed.

Steve’s sputtering. He runs a nervous hand through his hair and of-fucking-course Munson gasps, swoons just like El. Harrington’s free hand fumbles for a shirt hem that isn’t there. He realizes he’s half naked and turns into a deer in headlights, hands frantically moving over his chest like he doesn’t know how to hide himself. Unfortunately the unintentional groping sends Munson into a coughing fit. 

“Me? What the hell are you doing here, Munson?”

Munson scoffs, crossing his arms as he backs himself into the wall behind him. “The high and mighty Chief of Police here basically kidnapped me. Forced me to pack a bag and tossed me into his truck.” Ah, there’s the Munson he expected. Except if it wasn’t for how many times Hopper’s hauled the kid in, he might not have noticed the nervous energy in Eddie’s twitchy fingers and shifty eyes. “He failed to mention–” he waves around at everything until Munson’s wild gesturing lands on a half-naked, sweats hung low, hair slicked back, barefoot Steve Harrington.

The squeal of El’s door opening behind him propels Hopper full-speed into the living room towards Steve’s duffle. He pulls out the first shirt he manages to find. It hits Steve in the face, and they both breathe a sigh of relief when he pulls it on.

“Aww,” El complains, before her eyes grow ten sizes too big when she catches Hopper glaring back at her. 

“Who the hell is this guy?” Max asks. She makes her way toward the kitchen, dragging El with her to help pull out dishes and cups. 

“Apparently another kidnapping victim.” Steve huffs, annoyed, before making his way over to the girls. “Munson, get over here and help me set the food out.”

Steve doesn’t even look up from where he’s pulling a large cast iron out of the oven, so he misses the absolutely priceless distress scrawled into Eddie’s bulging eyes and flapping hands. Looking back and forth between Harrington and Hopper, Eddie points to himself in confusion as if Steve hadn’t asked him by name. Hopper can only chuckle at the kid’s antics. He rolls his eyes and tilts his head toward the kitchen so Munson finally gets the jist, moving across the cabin in double-time. 

It’s a more intense Christmas dinner than Hopper was hoping for, but after introductions and a full stomach, everyone’s relaxed a bit. El and Max curl up on the couch next to him, snuggled under the same blanket surrounded by bowls of popcorn and half eaten bags of candy. The boys, finally over whatever awkward tension laced between them earlier, are sitting rather comfortably next to each other, poking fun at the cliche holiday movies that Hopper secretly enjoys.

Well after the girls are tucked in and the boys have set up a mess of sleeping bags and blankets on the living room floor, Hopper moves quiet as a mouse across the trailer to Eddie’s duffle. After a quick search, he pulls a joint from a hidden zipper pocket hand-sewn inside the lining.

Kid must think he’s so smart, like he’s the first guy to ever sell drugs.

Hopper deserves a little treat after all the shit he’s been through this year. It’s been ages since he’s smoked, and with the boys here to help watch over the kids, he thinks he can allow himself time to relax for just a little bit. He’s earned it. Plus, it’s not his fault the damned kid decided to try to sneak his stash here. Hop’s not an idiot, even though the boys clearly thought so when they went out for some ‘fresh air’ earlier and came back looking a little less fresh than when they left.

So he brushes the snow off of his favorite lawn chair, wraps himself up in a tattered old blanket, and lights up in the cold, winter air. 

Hop loved smoking in high school, so he takes a long inhale, reveling in the burn heating his chest. Unfortunately, Hopper hasn’t been a teenager in a long, long time. His coughing fit is loud enough to wake his non-existent neighbors. But when he can finally breathe fresh air again, there’s no noise to be heard from inside.

He goes slower this time, tugging on little puffs as he watches the snow fall between the pine trees. It’s quiet, a good quiet, filled with the rustling of rabbits in the brush and bugs singing in the night. Even the joint is absolute shit, like most of Munson’s wares. It’s still enough for him to relax, to appreciate what unfortunate circumstances have gifted him, and keep him from dwelling on what he’s lost. 

Less than an hour’s passed when a pair of headlights shine down the drive. Wayne steps out of his beat-up truck, in only slightly better condition than Eddie’s van, and makes his way over. Without a word, Hopper gets up and grabs another folding chair propped against the end-railing and sets it next to his own.

The joint’s gone by now, but Hopper pulls out a pack of smokes and offers one to Wayne, who silently takes it with just a slight nod of his head in thanks. Out of the corner of his eye, Hopper notices Wayne’s worn-down work boots have a gash at the front, exposing the hard steel underneath the suede. He’s wearing a large, thick flannel that looks exactly like the one Eddie was wearing when Hopper found him, and it’s just as oversized on the old man. 

There’s almost nothing similar between Wayne and his nephew. Wayne’s always been a quiet one. A guy who’d make his way to the back of a crowded room, who kept his head down when he knew what was good for him. And Eddie is– is really just something else. Loud, obnoxious, brash, a kid with a well-crafted personality faker than government coverup. Almost one of a kind, if Hopper didn’t happen to know another boy just like him.

Wayne clears his throat, stubs out the bud with his boot in a little pile of snow. “Got a note from my foreman saying you kidnapped my boy.” His tone is gruff, but Hopper catches the small uptick to the man’s chapped lips.

He doesn’t say anything when Hopper heads inside. It takes him a minute to find the wrapped bottle and two glasses. While he meanders around, he checks that the boys are still both snoring away and the girls are sound asleep amidst a pile of stuffed animals.

When he closes the front door behind him, Jim hands the bottle to Wayne and sets the two glasses into the snow between them. Wayne hums in thought, turning the bottle over in his hand. “Macallen single?”

Jim actually croaks, chest light and filled with laughter when he clocks the mirth in Wayne’s teasing eyes. Maybe him and Eddie aren’t so different after all, both having a shithead sense of humor.

“Just Johnny.” Jim wipes a hand down his face like that’ll hide the sincerity in his smile. “You helped patch up my kid, Wayne. You didn’t save the goddamn world.”

The light in Wayne’s eyes dims only slightly. Instead of unwrapping the bottle, he unscrews the lid off the top, ripping the paper off with it, and pours them both half a glass. They silently cheers, even though the air between them has shifted slightly. 

“Thought that boy was a Harrington, not a Hopper.” It should sting, but it doesn’t, because Wayne’s not that type of man. It’s a genuine question, one that Jim’s not sure how to answer. So he keeps silent, hoping Wayne will cave and move on like his kid does when things stay too quiet. But Wayne sits, and sits, and his own gut finally starts to roil. Ah, so that's what it feels like.

“Apparently I’m good at picking up strays.” Jim’s attempt at a joke falls flat between them. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Although, I think I got to Harrington a little too late.”

Wayne takes a decent sip from his glass, smacking his lips together. He peers out into the dark, just beyond the porch railing. But Jim can tell he’s not looking at the woods in front of them or the starry sky overhead. Wayne’s looking at something that’s long behind him.

“Ya know, Harrington didn’t look much different than my boy did when he showed up lookin’ like a dropped sack of peaches. Just a little thing he was; no hair, clothes that didn’t fit. Hell, I’d almost been able to see his ribs if it weren't for the bruises.” Wayne’s looking down at his feet now, scuffing the snow off the bottom of his boots. He downs his glass in one go before pouring himself another. 

“I beat myself up for too long for not doing something sooner. My own nephew, my own brother, livin’ only two towns over, and I had no idea it was that bad. Told m’self over and over that I should’ve known, should’ve helped sooner.” Wayne heaves a heavy sigh before looking up at Jim again. There’s guilt in the crinkles around his eyes, but it’s quickly replaced with resolve. “You might not’ve always been there for the Harrington kid, but that don’t mean he don’t need you now. Maybe more than ever, by the look of him. And if he’s got you watchin’ out for him, maybe he’ll turn out more Hopper than Harrington afterall.”

Jim can’t take the intense eye contact anymore and firmly looks away, finishing his glass and extending it out to Wayne for a refill. It’s quiet, Wayne’s patience sitting on his shoulders like the world’s most uncomfortable blanket. But even blankets that are scratchy as hell can still be warm.

After a while, the silence releases enough tension that he can sit back again, and the two men slowly sip their whiskey and watch dawn break through the trees. Wayne grabs the bottle as he moves to stand and pats Jim’s shoulder a little too hard. The man’s stronger than he looks.

“Why don’t you bring Eddie back yourself a little bit later, give me a chance to fix that radiator. Plus, being around Harrington might be good for him,” he chuckles to himself, hopping into his truck. “Maybe show the boy not every kid who don’t wear all black ain’t a damn conformist suburban yuppie.” Jim laughs, Wayne’s mockery a spot on impression.

All’s still quiet in the cabin, each kid right where he left them. He’s not sure if it’s the joint, the two whiskeys, Wayne’s advice, or just a combination of everything, but there’s a heat behind his eyes he hasn’t had to deal with in a long time. He’s not typically a crier– happy or sad. The only time he’s cried since Sarah was in the elevator shaft, El collapsed in his arms just after closing the gate. And even then, it was only a few stray tears.

Now he’s unspooling wads of toilet paper to blow his damn nose in, crying like a kid who got coal in their stocking. Except this isn’t like when he thought he’d lost El, or when he’d held Sarah’s hand when she took her last breath. Jim Hopper’s happier than he’s been in a long, long time. And after the shit awful year he’s had– that they’ve all had– he lets himself revel in the joy of having a family again.

Gorgeous graphics provided by @steddiecameraroll-graphics

And as always, thank you to @carolperkinsexgirlfriend for telling me "I think your calling might be writing well-meaning, grumpy old men" and also, "you just understand the spirit of The Old Man", but mostly just thank you for being an amazing beta reader <3

[bloodfiendarling]

𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓾𝓹

— ( do note this ask was sent before my rules post was out but ill let it pass bcz it doesnt break any rules )

ah hello ! !! this is the first time im writing for jingyuan sama ..! hopefully its to your liking anon .. <:D tho i did self indulge a lil much on this ... hopefully you still like it x_x

also , yes .! i love ryona . i dig it a lot .. please dont b scared to req anything with dark themes .. i will be cheering you on !

pair — reader x jing yuan

wc — ~1k

contains — sub bottom char, dom top reader, established relationship, gn reader, possessive reader, jealousy, (false) cheating suspicions, reader is kinda fucked up in the head, size difference (smaller reader), thigh humping, dry humping, reader is pretty forceful

you couldn’t stand it.

the way he would ignore you sometimes, when you two just wouldn’t be able to have some pda for the sake of his reputation. it pissed you off.

you want to love him! show him off, maybe. hug him, kiss him, hold his hand.. all in public. but you can’t — because he has a reputation to uphold here. and what made you more mad is the fact you’d hear your own colleagues talk about him. how they want to get with him.

what pissed you off the most about today, though? you heard someone spreading rumors. dating rumors. not between you and jing yuan, no. (you would’ve appreciated that, really) it was between him and some other woman — one that he’s been working with for a good while.

you clicked your tongue, entering his office. even just from your face it was obvious you were in a horrible mood.

“oh?” he started, with that usual lazy smile of his — “my dear, something on your mind?”

he shifted in his seat, adjusting himself so you could sit yourself beside him — which, you do — letting out a tired sigh. “rumours about you again, love.” you respond.

“mm, it’s the one with that woman, i assume?”

you click your tongue again. just hearing anything related to her set you off — c’mon, now.. it’s not like they’re actually together.. your dearest would never, ever betray you in such a way.

but you see the way that woman was — how she was smiling and all. laughing those rumors off, all while clearly enjoying the attention she got. it disgusts you. it worsens your mood more and more as you thought about it.

the general could sense your frustration — almost as if he read your mind. his expression softened a little bit, this time looking at you. watching you biting on your nail, whilst the other hand was balled into a fist, resting on your thigh.

“hey,” you looked back at him. the frustration was clear in your eyes. even you, yourself didn’t get it. what were you so angry about…? you can’t help but take it out on him. “you love me, right, jing yuan?”

“of course I do.” he replies — it’s short. it’s obvious. but in your messed up little head, it felt like nothing but a lie.

“prove it.”

“wha–?”

“prove it, i said.” you lean into him, a hand against his stomach. the gold part of his belt felt cool against your palm. for a second, it gives you shivers.

“here..?” the general’s voice was filled with uncertainty. “the door is still unlo–”

“that doesn’t matter.” you interrupt, “they’re not allowed to come in, right? locked or not. just tell them to leave if someone knocks. simple.”

jing yuan gulped down, eyeing the door once more before giving in — fumbling with his belt. slowly but surely getting that corset-like piece of armor loose and discarding it completely.

he’s so obedient whenever you were mad…

“c’mere.” you pat on your thigh, inviting him to sit on it — he does, obeying you. you were upset, he didn’t want your mood to go even lower. though, due to jing yuan being bigger than you, he was quite hesitant on putting his entire weight — he knows he’s quite heavy.. but you insist he sits down properly.

he felt shy all of a sudden — putting his hands on your shoulders, nuzzling his face into your neck. you didn’t know if this shyness was a result of the position, or the fact the door was very much unlocked — maybe both.

you had a hand on his lower back, as if inviting for the white-haired general — your free hand decided to run through his hair. it’s so soft… how could you not?

jing yuan lets out a whimper, hips moving on his own. slowly but surely running them up and down your thigh. his own legs shaking. you slip your hand into the side of his pants — feeling around his waist. he jolts at your cold hands, letting out a small gasp. those hands of yours continue to trace through his body, feeling his breath grow a little faster. feeling all over his back, his hips, his waist, him. just him.

you wanted to escalate this, though, you heard something. something he feared. a knock at the door.

“jing yuan, sir?”

a voice is heard, calling to the general. you could clearly hear his breath hitch. “a– ah.. who—nnh–!”

those hands of yours continued to tease him. featherlight touches all over his body, teasing him by slipping your hands into his pants every now and then — watching your darling general explain why the person couldn’t come in — stuttering on his words, trying to reason with them..

you felt mean today. you were in a shitty mood, after all.

he lets out a sigh of release when they finally decide to go — whoever that was leaving his office alone for another time. finally, he gets to calm down.

“i love you.” you whisper into his ear suddenly, “you love me too, right? you wouldn’t go for that woman, right? right?”

why did you doubt him, even?

you don’t know, nor did you care. all you wanted to hear was an ‘i love you, too’ from the general.. your general.

his weight was kind of crushing you.. but you didn’t mind it much. you pressed a kiss onto his neck, sucking into it to form a hickey. then another… and another. it didn’t take too long for his entire neck to be covered by them. you loved it.. marking him up as yours (as if wasn’t already..)

“m’gonna–” his grinding was growing a bit more desperate — damn, already?

“go on. show me how much you love me.” — those words made him whimper, closing his eyes. you pulled on his hair, yanking his head so jing yuan was looking at you — grabbing his face with one of your hands and inviting him into a messy kiss — tongue being forcefully shoved into his mouth.

“i love you, i love you, i love you.. mmMH—!” he said between eager gasps, feeling his orgasm washing over him. you could, too — that warm feeling on your thigh.

he wraps his big arms around you, moans being muffled by the kiss. he just couldn’t get enough, can he? he wouldn’t even care anymore if someone came in and saw him this way. neither did you. at least they’d know you were his.

“i love you, darling. please ruin me..”

hsr masterlist ♥︎

[fruitbasketball]

ncaa recap: uconn vs. usc

first of all: what a way to lose a completely winnable game. WHAT a thing to do. truly!!! i applaud it. i’m SHOCKED at it, really - bc no way you wanna lose every fucking top 10 matchup y’all have. there’s just no way!!!

and now i have to do the thing i have been dreading all season, bc i have such immense respect for this man.

geno. what. the fuck. are you. doing.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BRO????????????

what’s the game plan?? HUH???? no matter what happens, it’s paige’s fault??? the best player in the fucking country stayed an extra year to play for you, and THIS is how you do her???

quit playing her off ball bro PLEASE matter of fact she can’t play off ball. yup! CAN’T do it. every single one of her numbers but efficiency is down from last season, so i can conclude that you need to stop playing that bitch off ball.

put the ball in paige’s fucking hands luigi or i swear to god i will shove it up your ass. you have the most CREATIVE, TALENTED, INTELLIGENT scoring pg in the country and you’re playing her OFF BALL???? WHAT THE SHIT?????

and paige bro. we don’t get to pick and choose when we wanna play basketball. you don’t get to ONLY show up the second half. and MAN was that a fucking monster second half. like my legs are still shaking from it jesus fucking christ. but when we do THAT SHIT!!! right???? when we DON’T PLAY THE FULL 40???

it comes down to a freshman and her free throws. sarah strong, you are a perfect angel. you did NOTHING wrong. the play was all wrong, it shouldn’t have come down to you, i am so so sorry it did. sarah has been so unbelievably consistent, and i just KNOW she’s blaming herself for it.

what’s the reasoning behind these last few possessions. like what the fuck is up bro. why are we going for the 2 when we’re down 3. why are we fouling with no fouls left to give. if you’re gonna do that shit take the 3!!! close the gap completely. why are we willing to widen the possession margin??? i understand the technicality of the strategy here, and it might be the smartest thing possible in ANOTHER situation.

in MY mind tho: take the 3, tie the game. get a stop on the other end, set a decoy, have paige or ash take the 3. or send jana down low for a 2. but it was so obviously a matter of geno not trusting the defense. which is NUTS - because this is one of the strongest defenses in the country. and it wouldn’t have been a perimeter job. probably not!! probably would’ve been a juju middy or kiki down low!! REALISTICALLY!!!

i just, like… those last few CRUCIAL possessions were really muddled and it pissed me tf off. like actually made me so fucking mad.

anyway bro’s yapping again - bc if kk is a game changer, keep her in the fuckin game dawg. idk just a thought.

SIT ice, START jana, and SHUT THE FUCK UP ‼️‼️‼️ hm i wonder who will be a better match for the best power forward in the nation - the 6’5 paint beast, or the big who’s been showing you she lowk CANNOT PLAY BASKETBALL

anyway i just wanna say - to anyone who thinks paige got outplayed this game, fuck all the way off. juju couldn’t even guard paige the whole game, while paige did not let up. if juju had a hard time scoring, it’s because paige was in her mouth the whole time. that’s a two way player. so i don’t wanna hear shit.

in conclusion: MANE FUCK THIS SHIT

[midnighthazee]

Greenridge ABO Series

Series Masterlist Masterlist

Warnings: explicit language, injuries, first degree burn, death, grieving, ptsd, fluff

WC: 4016

Chapter 19

Just before the dinner party…

Hudson was in his room, showering before dinner. Upstairs, the pack was finishing up the food and decorating for the party. He had tried to help out with most, but he felt like there were more than enough people around to get the job done. So he retreated to his room.

After his shower, he heard his phone ping and picked it up to see a text from Reed.

Heard you were having a dinner party.

10pm, get y/n out of the house. Something’s coming.

Taken back by the vague statement, Hudson calls Reed. No answer which pisses Hudson off.

What does he mean something’s coming? What is he planning? How did he even find out about the dinner? Hudson's mind raced.

He called him ten times in the next thirty minutes, pacing his room and growing anxious. On the twelfth call, he finally answered.

“God, you’re annoyingly persistent. What do you want?” Reed asked.

“What the hell is going on? What are you planning?”

“Can’t say.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

“Won’t.” Hudson could hear the smug smile on his face.

“I swear if you hurt our sister….” 

“I don’t intend to. Hence why you are going to get her out of the house.”

“So you’re just going to hurt her pack instead?”

“We are her family. Not them.” 

“You can’t do whatever you’re planning. This pack is her family. You have never treated her like family.”

“I’m doing this for all of us. So we can finally be the family we were supposed to be. If she gets hurt because your dumbass tries to act like a hero, I swear to God... I will hurt you just as bad, if not worse.”

“You kill me and you won’t have a family.”

“Just get her out of the damn house. I got errands to run before tonight. Don’t fuck this up.” Reed hung up.

Hudson sighed heavily, throwing himself back on the bed. He liked this group of hybrids. Hell, he wanted to join them. If he lets them get hurt and doesn’t warn them, he’s never going to be allowed to join. But if he does, Reed will hunt him down and end him. It’s a lose lose situation. If only he knew what Reed was planning. This night was about to be rough. What was he to do?

Minho was first to wake, coughing through the smoke as he pushed the debris off of himself. He looked around through the haze, squinting and covering his nose. It was dimly lit, lights flickering above. 

His head had a cut, blood dripping down his temple. Cuts and scrapes were on his arms and torso, his shirt torn.

“Hello?” he called out with a raspy voice. “Anyone hear me?”

“Hello?” another voice called out. 

He looked towards the sound, following it as he climbed over fallen beams and insulation. 

“Keep making noise. I’ll find you.” Minho called out.

A few different people called out, moving debris off themselves and looking around. Minho helped them out as he made his way around. He managed to dig out Seungcheol, Jisung, Hyunjin, and Niki. Minho and Seungcheol went upstairs to check on people, while the others stayed down to dig out the few other people in the basement. They uncovered three others, dragging their unconscious bodies into the backyard.

Upstairs, Seungcheol and Minho were seeing the worst of the hit.

“What the hell happened?” Minho asked.

“Don’t know. We should cut the power and water.” Seungcheol gestured to the broken kitchen sink spewing water.

“Dammit.” Minho ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s in the garage.”

Seungcheol nodded, heading over to the garage. Minho looked around, seeing a few unconscious people.

“Chan?! Y/n?! Felix?! Jeongin?! Changbin?! Enha?! Ahgase?! Mansae?!” He was calling out.

Someone stirred to the right of him and he hurried over. Moving some debris, he found a dusty Chan. Chan coughed, looking around as he came to.

“Easy. Don’t move too much.” Minho guided.

“Where is everyone?!” Chan grunted as he moved to stand.

“Scattered.” Minho helped him stand.

The water from the sink stopped, the remaining lights turning off. 

“What just happened?” Chan asked.

“S.Coups turned off the power and water.” Minho informed.

“Fire upstairs. We should get the extinguishers,” Chan spoke, clutching his side.

Minho saw the smoke and flashes of orange lights on the hallway walls upstairs, nodding his head. Then he lifted Chan’s shirt to see a cut on his side.

“We need to stitch this.”

“No time.”

“You could bleed out.” Minho stated.

“I’m fine. Let’s get everyone out.”

“A few of ours downstairs are taking people out back.”

“Think it was one of our guests who did this?” Chan asked quietly.

“I don’t even know.” Minho shrugged.

Chan nodded, wincing. “How’s it look downstairs?”

“Not as bad.”

“Good. Get all the medical supplies out back so we can tend to people.” 

“Chan-”

“Go.” Chan ordered.

Minho hurried downstairs, doing as he was told. Chan took off the remnants of his shirt and tied it around his waist to hopefully slow the bleeding.

“Hey.” Seungcheol flashed a flashlight he found. “You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine. Let’s get everyone out so we can do a headcount.”

“I called 9-1-1. Fire department should be on the way.”

Chan nodded. “Thanks.”

Within the next eight minutes, the fire department arrived, followed by a police car and an ambulance. They helped the boys remove everyone from the house, the alphas doing a headcount to make sure everyone was accounted for. Triage was set up in the back, the paramedics tending to the boys. Doctor Quinn was also called and she was helping the medics tend to everyone. 

The firefighters put out the top level’s fire, sweeping all the rooms for any remaining people. While doing so, they found some shrapnel and brought it down to Chan.

“These were the culprits.” he said. “It looks like parts of a grenade or bomb type of device.”

Chan inspected the pieces, trying to make sense of it all.

“Captain, there’s no one else inside.”

Chan looked behind the fire captain in front of him to the firefighter who spoke. “What? No, we’re missing y/n.”

“We swept every room, sir.” The firefighter said.

“Sweep them again.” Chan practically growled. “She’s not out here with us.” 

“Chan…” Minho started to say.

“If you’re not going to do your job, I’ll do it.” Chan pushed the shrapnel back at the Captain, making his way to the house.

Hyunjin ran after him. “Chan. Chan, wait...”

“No, we have to find her.” Chan shrugged him off.

“Chan, she’s not in there.”

Chan stopped, looking at him confused.

Hyunjin sighed. “I saw her head outside with Hudson, who, conveniently, isn't here either.”

“When?”

“Maybe five, ten minutes before the blast.”

Chan purses his lips ready to riot. He looks around, fists balled. 

“I knew we shouldn’t have brought his ass back here.” Minho said. “He’s probably been working with Reed the whole time. Reed’s probably behind this whole thing.” 

“He should be locked up by now.” Hyunjin noted.

“I heard he’s evading the police. Currently on the run.” Jaebeom spoke, walking over to join them. He too was scratched up with some blood on his shirt, but he was doing alright.

“We need to fan out and search.” Chan spoke, wincing at his side with stitches.

“Chan, if Reed did this… Hudson was in on it and she’s in the wind.” Jaebeom whispered, as if afraid to admit what they were all thinking.

“We just got everyone back together.” Hyunjin shook his head. 

“Do we have everyone from the house?” An officer asked as Doctor Quinn.

“Yes. We swept the house. Heard they’re missing two that managed to escape the blast though.” she informed the officer.

The officer nodded, jotting in a notepad. “Any casualties?” 

“Five DOA. Three in critical that were sent to the nearest hospital.”

She wrote down the numbers and then went over to Chan. “I heard two of your people are in the wind.”

“One of our people. The other kidnapped her.” Minho corrected.

“Do you think he was involved in the explosion?”

“Him and his brother.” Chan said, holding his chin high. “Reed and Hudson Kang.”

The officer looked up from her notepad. “Reed Kang?”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“He was here?”

“I didn’t see him. But he wants y/n for his own pack. If she’s not here, he probably has her.”

The officer nods, speaking into her walkie for the police to set up a perimeter and be on the lookout for Reed Kang in a twenty mile radius from the Greenridge Manor.

“Thank you.” she says and hurries off to talk with her partner.

Chan turned around and looked at the chaos. 

“Crazy how fast the night changes…” Chan shook his head.

“You should sit down.” Doctor Quinn reminded.

“I’ll sit when we find y/n.”

“You know you can’t be what she needs if you don’t take care of yourself first.” Doctor Quinn raises her eyebrows at him.

Sighing, he gives in and lets her tend to his wounds. She takes care, cleaning him up and putting a few stitches at his hairline.

“Chan!” Jeongin calls from the tent, hurrying behind it.

“What’s going on?” Chan asks, leaving Doctor Quinn before she can wipe off all the blood.

As he comes around the tent, he sees you walking out of the woods, hands bloody and shaking.

“Y/n!” He exclaims, rushing to your side. “Are you okay!?”

He takes your hands in his, looking you over. The boys come rushing over too, relieved to see you.

“It’s not mine.” you say, looking up at them with teary eyes. “You’re okay?”

“Yes, we’re okay. Where were you!?”

“I’m sorry. I thought we could trust him.” you began to sob.

Chan held you into his chest, letting you cry. “Shhh… it’s okay, darling. We all did.”

“Was it Reed who did this?” Minho asked, not bothering to hide the disdain from his voice.

“Yes.” you say, sniffling and raising your head from Chan. “Hudson brought me out here to talk about our parents. He said Reed killed them as revenge for selling us. When I wanted to come back inside, he grabbed my arm. Then the explosion…”

“It’s okay…it’s not your fault.” Minho comforted.

“I shouldn’t have let him come back home with us after the day in court.” you say, shaking your head.

“Y/n… you can’t blame yourself. You didn’t know.” Minho rubs your back.

“You want to see the good in everyone… give them the benefit of the doubt. And I love that about you.” Chan says, looking into your eyes and smiling. 

“But look where that got us…” you gesture to the house.

“It’s just a house. Plus it’s not completely ruined. We just have to do a little remodeling.” Chan shrugged.

“How is everyone?” you ask, biting your lip in worry.

“Hurt, but okay.”

“Did anyone…die?”

Chan and Minho exchanged glances.

“Oh god.” you cry, hiding your face in Chan’s chest once more. 

He held you, letting you cry it out. You were shaking as he did, unable to stop yourself. He knew you were going to try and blame yourself for all this, but he would spend the rest of his life convincing you otherwise.

The boys were all tended to and stitched up. Most had minor injuries already healing. A few had some burns, cuts, or broken limbs from the falling debris. Mild concussions were also mentioned. But once all the police statements were taken and everyone was given the all clear by the paramedics, they began to head out. Doctor Quinn said she would check in with them in a few days.

Chan had purchased a house a few years back as a little getaway retreat, so he decided to bring everyone there. The pack went shopping for a few necessities on the way, then went to the house to freshen up. 

The other alphas were in mourning, bringing their people home. They had funerals to plan and wanted to be home for that. They were devastated but did not blame you or your pack for what happened tonight. It was a time of war and they were now more invested than ever in Reed’s takedown.

How you all got so lucky as to not lose anyone… that was a blessing no one questioned.

At the house, you were all sitting on the couch taking a breather. Jisung had a broken arm that would heal in the next day or so. Jeongin has a sprained ankle while everyone else was scratched and bruised for the most part. You had been quiet, not saying much the whole time.

“So, where is Hudson now?” Felix asks.

“I don’t know.” you mumble with a shrug.

“Have the police caught Reed yet?” Changbin asked.

“Not that I’ve heard.” Minho says.

Silence.

You thought back over the night, shivering at what a nightmare it was.

Suddenly, three consecutive booms sounded behind you. You flinched, Hudson shielding your body with his. Glass shards went everywhere, splinters of wood flying around amidst the smoke.

You turned around seeing the destruction. Fire started to blaze the upper level from the bedroom windows. Smoke everywhere, debris falling down around you.

“No!” you yell, tears falling from your eyes. 

You moved to rush towards the house but Hudson grabbed you.

“Let me go!” you yelled, squirming in hold.

“I can’t. Y/n please.”

“They could be dying in there. Get off me.”

Hudson wouldn’t let you go - wouldn’t let you risk your life to see who made it. Instead he carried you further into the woods. Eventually, he ran into Reed.

“Put her down.” Reed demanded.

“You ASSHOLE!” you marched right up to Reed and smacked him across the face. “I hate you. You are not my brother. You never have been and you never will.”

“Are you done?”

“Am I done?! You’re a murderer. You killed Aiden. You killed our parents. You deserve to rot in a cell!” you yell, spitting at his feet.

Not that he noticed since he was glaring at Hudson. Hudson was avoiding eye contact, shrinking away from his anger.

“You told her?” Reed growled.

“It was the only way I could get her out of the house…” Hudson muttered.

“You fucking idiot!” Reed yelled, lunging at Hudson and snatching him up by the collar of his dress shirt.

Deciding you weren’t wasting anymore time, you walk away from them, only for one of Reed’s men to snatch you up. You quickly kicked him in the crotch, turning around to knee him under the chin. This only angered the other men, making them charge at you.

One pulls a knife and you dodge it, grabbing his wrist and twisting it as Changbin taught you. His hold eventually gave out, and he dropped the knife. You kicked it away, kneeing this guy in the crotch. When he doubled over, you turned to see another guy lunging for you. You dove down, crawling between his legs and stopping right in front of the knife. 

You grabbed it, standing and holding it out.

“Stay back!”

Reed laughs. You look over, noticing Hudson on the ground, favoring his head as he groans. Reed steps closer with a menacing glare.

“Get the fuck away from me.” You threaten.

“Put the knife down. We both know you’re not going to kill someone. You’ll just end up hurting yourself.”

“Try me.” you challenged.

He rolls his eyes, growing tired of your games. He lunges at you and you jump away, slicing the knife in the air. When you pull it back to you, it’s dripping blood. Surprised, you look at Reed. He turns, glaring at you as a cut on his sleeve begins to drip blood.

“You little bitch. I was trying to be nice.”

“Impossible for you, isn’t it?” 

“Take her.” Reed demands.

Another man comes over, grabbing your wrist when you move to stab him. You push against him but he’s much stronger. You smirk. He may be stronger, but he’s not smarter.

You drop the knife, catching it with your other hand and plunging it into the man’s stomach. He gasps, clutching himself as he stares wide-eyed. You pull the knife out, blood dripping from the wound.

Sirens are heard nearby and Reed gets spooked. He knew if he wanted to take you, he would have to kill your pack. Otherwise they would never stop looking for you. But with the cops just around the corner, he needed to get away before they found him. He was currently on the run, an arrest warrant having been issued after the trial.

“This will cost you. I’ll kill Chris. Just as I killed his brother.” Reed snarls before heading off into the woods, his two remaining men grabbing Hudson and dragging him along. Good riddens.

Looking at your hand covered in blood, you drop the knife. The man you stabbed laid at your feet, lifeless. You took his life. You killed a man.

You stumble backwards, frantically trying to wipe the blood off your hands. You rubbed them against each other, then on your pants, but they were stained. You look back at the man, shuddering. Then you begin running back home, following the smoke in the sky. 

“Y/n? Hello?” It was Hyunjin. 

You blinked rapidly, his face coming into focus. “Hmm?”

“You want to go shower first?” he asked, concern etched on his features.

He held your hands in his and you looked down, afraid the blood staining yours would somehow stain his too. You pulled your hands away, standing from the chair and nodding.

“Uh, okay. It’s over this way.” He led you to the hall bathroom, trying not to show his hurt from your little rejection. “There’s towels in that cabinet. Here’s your clothes.”

“Thanks.” you say.

He leaves you alone to freshen up, worried about your reaction. Upon returning to the living room, Changbin gave him a sympathetic smile. He noticed how you reacted, but neither one could blame you after tonight.

Chan was in the master bath showering while Jeongin was washing up in the other bathroom. They had to take turns, eventually rotating. Minho showered, Felix and Seungmin too before you finally turned the water off in your shower.

You stood there, numb as you finally felt like the blood was washed off. You scrubbed your hands furiously four times, them now feeling raw. Your skin was flushed and kind of stinging but you barely noticed as you stepped out. You wrapped a towel around you, turning towards the sink.

Knock, knock.

“Yeah?” you asked, your voice cracking.

Hyunjin slipped in to check on you. When he saw the state of your skin as you stepped from behind the shower curtain, he grew concerned. Your hands were bright pink, your arms and back splotchy.

“Y/n…” he breathed. “What did you do?”

You looked up at him through the reflection in the mirror, confused. He stepped closer, fingertips ghosting your skin. You follow his gaze to your hands and arms, now realizing what he meant. Had the shower been that hot?

“Felix!” Hyunjin called out. 

After a few seconds, Felix appeared. His question was answered before he could ask it. He came over, carefully looking at your skin.

“Looks life first degree burns. Love? Why did you have the water so hot?”

You shrug. “I didn’t notice.”

Felix looks back at Hyunjin.

“I killed a man.” You blurt out, unable to get his face from your memory. “I killed someone.”

“Hey, shh it’s okay.” Felix ushers you back towards the shower, turning the water on cooler. “We all have at some point. I didn’t take it well either. But it gets easier. Especially if they deserved it.”

“He definitely deserved it.” Hyunjin comments.

“It was one of Reed’s men. He was attacking me, trying to kidnap me.”

“Then it was self defense. Totally justified.” Hyunjin said.

You looked at him with a frown, not so convinced.

“Here. Let’s get some lukewarm water on these burns. Hyunjin, can you pass me the first aid kit?”

Hyunjin leaned down into the cabinets and found it, pulling it out. Once Felix felt the burns were cooled off, he dabbed them dry with a towel. Then he sat you on the toilet and put on some petroleum jelly, wrapping them. 

“Let’s avoid hot showers for a couple days, okay?” He smiled, tucking hair behind your ear.

You nod.

You went into the room you were sharing with Jisung. He didn’t say anything about the bandages but asked if you wanted to cuddle. You nodded, crawling into bed with him and letting him spoon you. After today’s craziness, you fell right asleep.

Three Days later…

You were feeling much better. Your burns were healed, as was everyone else in the pack, and you weren’t so shaken up by that night’s incidents. You came to terms with it, knowing it was for the best. You had managed to relax and just enjoy everyone’s company. 

This house was smaller, so everyone was more on top of each other as they settled in. You liked the more cozy feel but some of them were getting antsy and agitated by the closer proximity. You just laughed at the petty little arguments that were going on. 

Chan took a few of the members to go back to the house and see how it looked. Also to see if they could get some belongings from the bedrooms so they would have more clothes. They didn’t know how long it was going to take to repair, but they wanted to get it started. 

They had been there yesterday and most of today and it was quieter without them around. Today Chan was talking with a contractor about the next steps in rebuilding. Changbin stayed behind today to keep an eye on everyone so Minho could go this time.

You were tired, wondering why you didn’t sleep well last night. You announced to Changbin that you were going to take a nap.

“Want me to join you?” Changbin winked.

“Don’t you have to keep Thing 1 and Thing 2 from killing each other over that video game?” you ask with a laugh.

“Oh yeah…” Changbin rolled his eyes, looking over at Felix and Jisung.

You retreated to the bedroom, curling up in the sheets and falling asleep. You were sleeping so well, you managed a four hour nap. It would have been longer if you didn’t wake up sweating. Why was it so hot?

You groan, getting up and removing your clothes. You turned on the fan and laid on top of the covers. You fell back asleep. But it was maybe ten minutes before you woke up hot again. You go over and crack open the window, thankful the house was acres away from other houses. The cold air made your nipples hard, but it felt so much better. You sat in the chair by the window.

You weren't able to fall asleep, however, because your lower stomach started to ache. You whined, hugging yourself. 

What is happening? You wondered. 

It was hurting and the pain was only growing worse. This wasn’t because you ate bad food - this was something else. You move to stand, going to find Felix but your legs were weakened by a wave of pain that washed over you. You fell to the ground, whining and whimpering.

“Y/n?” you hear Changbin from the other side of the door.

“Binnie…” you whine.

He can hear the distress in your voice and immediately enters. He stops in his tracks, eyes blinking as he takes in the scent of the room. His dilated pupils lock onto you.

“Help. It hurts. I don’t know what’s wrong.” you cry.

Changbin shuts the door and comes over to you. He takes in your naked form, beads of sweat on your forehead and back.

“Oh baby… your heat is finally here.” Changbin coos, stroking your hair.

You look at him with wide eyes.

TAGLIST:

@estella-novella @lxvxchxrlxttxbxrsx22-blog @butterflydemons @readr1221 @gaby105-skz @notevenheretbh1 @bah2004 @sinfulfic @bowsnbang @just-a-blackthorn-cookie @dreamerwasfound @motheraiya55 @m00njinnie @writeuntilthebitterend @jutdwae-flower @staytinyluv @emmxxsworld @galaxy4489 @wolfo2027 @iknow-uknow-leeknow @thatgirlangelb @fr34k4c1dr41n @stwq2349 @rylea08 @sang-09 @scarlet789 @hxnnielk @thecutiepieme @sillygoosegoose @ihttinniee @kaleigh-2002 @stvrrylove @tenshimara

[oleandequill]

Just some ramblings about the canon Shattered Glass continuity. The craziest thing about the Shattered Glass continuity to me is how Megatron, who was a mathematics professor, predicted that there would be civil war.

Like I assume they meant that he was able to predict this through like observation of the political instability/climate currently happening around him. But the way it’s phrased makes it sound like he computed the probability of there being a civil war. Like my guy really used math to figure out there will be civil war and made the Decepticons beforehand to resolve it.

Now that also makes me wonder if he predicted that Optronix would be the one to cause civil war? Like Megatron out here trying to obtain omniscience through math of all things.

Also this guy invented transformation technology? And like came back from the dead?? And he forgave his murderer??? Like SG Megatron is really just… “what a mech, you know?” Sksksksk

I mean to be fair, Optronix is also pretty crazy. Like my guy was an archivist who realized life had no meaning and decided he would make history remember him by being the world’s worst warlord. Like that’s crazy. He’s one of the most (probably actually the most) sadistic/evil version of Optimus Prime (which is crazy that he’s still a Prime in this continuity!) but he was able to replicate Megatron’s transformation technology so he isn’t an idiot despite his brutality.

(Entering MegOP territory now cause I can’t be stopped) Man, you know, maybe that’s why Optronix is so pissed all the time in this continuity. There was only one other mech who had the same intellect as him but said mech is too much of a nice guy (again, Megatron forgiving Cyclonus even though the guy killed him is crazy). So Optronix being his crazy sadistic self scared off the guy. I can see why he is relentless about SG Megatron (even being pissed that he wasn’t the one who got to kill Megatron lmao). Like Optronix fumbled the only mech intellectually-equal to him. I’d be embarrassed too /j

[megumimania]

(NOT SO) SECRET SANTA

summary: secret santa takes a twist this year as you exchange gifts with the kyoto school. leaving you rushing as you try to find a gift in time.

tags: fluff, reader being a terrible procrasinator, satoshoko crumbs, todo being takada chan’s biggest supporter, can you tell that secret santa is the bane of my existence?, todo being todo, megumi and yuji being fortnite merchants, nobara and reader maximising their joint slay and gojo’s credit card!

a/n: after scrambling around westfields for the past two days, i thought id share the same emotions in this fic!

“i am never doing this again.” you tell nobara as you weave through the crowd at the mall. yelling ‘excuse me’s’ or apologising as you squeeze past people to get through.

the mall is packed to the brim, with shoppers racing to get their last minute tidbits for christmas before the shops close before the holidays. nobara looks up from her phone, giving you a look that screamed ‘girl be so serious rn’

“you know you said this last year right?” she points out before she stops to look at pair of cute earrings, taking a picture of them. which makes you huff in response because you know that she’s right.

this time last year you were literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown because you could not find anything decent at the mall. this being coupled with the bright flourescent lights and the massive crowds and the loud music sucked up your energy real fast.

you ended giving megumi a sweater that was poorly wrapped and a christmas card that was signed with your tears. at least megumi appreciated the effort that went into your present for him.

“but that was last year, i was a whole different person then with a different set of responsibilities.” you playfully roll your eyes as you mutter to yourself annoyedly “gosh can’t people learn and grow anymore?”

you realise that you’ve lost nobara a long time ago. as she is now talking to the sales person about those tiffany earrings, a trademark tiffany blue bag swinging around with her as she enthuses about jewellery with the sales rep.

whilst you do love seeing her in her element when it comes to fashion, you had pressing matters to consider like what the hell you were going to get todo for christmas.

yes that todo.

this year gojo and utahime for some odd reason, to which megumi attributed to a sure sign that the end times were soon upon us, decided in order for the two schools to see eye to eye with each other that there should be a secret santa gift exchange between the two schools.

they announced this in november giving you ample time to meet up with todo and get to know each other and figure out what he liked. you let him pick all the locations for your meet ups as you read in a book somewhere that a person’s choice of location says a lot about them as a person.

and boy did todo’s choice of locations have a fuck ton to say about him.

in the 6/8 times you met up with todo over this period, he took you to a total of three locations: a takada chan listening party, the gym and a takada chan themed night at the gym.

seeing grown men belt their hearts out to takada’s lyrics whilst doing twenty reps of bicep curls was one way to spend a lousy thursday evening but you learned a lot about him.

the first most obvious thing was his love for takada chan, the second thing was that he smelt really good, like immensely good for a guy which lowkey pissed you off and the third thing was that he was a self care buff, especially when it comes to health and fitness.

in fact in the first twenty minutes of your second meetup, he managed to devise with you a skincare regime based on your skin type.

you were as flattered as you were somewhat offended but when you began to finally implement his tips and tricks, you saw a massive difference in your skin. so you couldn’t really be mad.

and what did todo learn from you?

just your type in men and women, you didn’t know what he was gonna do with your vague description of your ideal partner being “sexy as fuck” but todo was a man of many surprises so you just had to wait and see.

so this was propped up to be easier than ever, you could simply buy him some takada merch and you’d be on your merry way.

however your idea of a easy ride with this gift exchange came to a screeching halt when todo told you that he didn’t want a “takada related gift” because there was more to him than his love for an idol.

you were thrown for a loop, two weeks before the gift exchange and all the takada chan paraphernalia that was holding space in your dorm room had to go back. thank god the return window for some of these items were still open.

the rest you had to sell on facebook marketplace meeting up with all sorts of people behind the school to sell the merchandise.

nobara and maki joked that you looked like a shady drug dealer and they were partially right but trying to haul a life size cut out of takada into the back of someone’s car really ruined the allure of it all.

if dopamine was a drug you’d be rich, you really underestimated how much people’s happiness came from other people especially when it came to an idol/famous celebrity.

your last minute pursuit for a christmas gift for todo led you to a book store. despite his jock-esque character, you later found out that he’s really smart and what do all smart people love? books. yes it was stereotypical but as you perused the sections you found a book that you thought he’d like.

“hey nobara, do you think todo is a self help type of guy?” you turned around showing the book to her. you both knew the answer, even though you doubted that he needed the ‘help’ provided within the books, he’d definitely enjoy the premise of the books.

nobara takes the book from you turning the book around to read the blurb, handing it back to you with a shrug. “the guy has enough energy and passion to power the whole of tokyo, i think he’d like this.”

and with that the book and some other items, you got in your last minute rush were secured. once you got back you wrapped the gifts and left them by the office, ignoring gojo calling you and nobara to his office.

he probably just noticed the 1.6 million yen that left his account after you and nobara bought matching van cleef bracelets at the mall but he’ll live, both of you combined have spent more on his card than a measly 1.6 million.

“gojo, leave the kids alone!” shoko instructed him in that stern doctor voice she only used when she was in the middle of healing several patients at once. it was the only voice he would respond to and respect.

“but shoko, they spent almost 2 million yen on my card!” he whined, gojo always being one for the theatrics. everybody knew that gojo’s wealth was almost boundless, the 2 million he lost today would be made back in a matter of days.

you rolled your eyes as you headed over to chill with megumi and yuji in the common room, who were in the middle of an intense game of fortnite to notice your presence.

it was finally time for the gift exchange, you and todo sat in the canteen as you finally exchanged gifts between one another. “merry christmas todo!” you chirped as you handed him his gifts.

you watched him open the presents studying his reaction closely to see if he liked them or not. he finally looked up, unshed tears brimming in his eyes as he held the self help book and the set of candles in his hands.

“this is the nicest and most thoughtful gift anyone has ever gotten for me.” he sniffles as he reads the card, hands shaking slightly. you were slightly concerned at the level of reaction he was showing. was this normal?

“you even wrote this on a takada chan christmas card, this is too much. thank you.” he pulls you into a hug that knocks the air out of your lungs, you bask in the praise for the time being, if only he knew the hell you went through to get these gifts.

“you’re welcome.” you reply after a while, he finally releases you and watches you open your present with wide eyes, it was perfume alongside some skin care goodies and such.

you sprayed the perfume on your wrist, letting it sit for a couple of minutes in order to smell the main notes. whilst at first the perfume smelt sweet and flowery, after a while the more stronger notes of amber, cacao and sandalwood came through.

“woah this is…” you smelt the perfume on your wrist trying to find the word for this all alluring, all consuming scent. it was so sweet yet so seductive.

“sexy as fuck?” he replied, a shit eating grin forming on his face as he knew that he made the right choice. part of you wanted to groan at the poor attempt of a joke but this was christmas time—a jovial time so you let him have this one.

“how did you figure this perfume out from those two words?” you asked still curious but he leans back on the chair with a simple shrug, chuckling slightly. “even though your type is shallow as fuck, I realised that deep down you are a cool person—so I just got a perfume that exuded that vibe.”

you smile at the compliment and the acknowledgment that your type was shallow as fuck because it was spot on.

you were on a high, this time your procrastination finally didn’t come back to bite you in the ass, since you managed to get todo’s whole set of gifts in time for this christmas exchange event.

but just as you’re about to pat yourself on the back todo speaks up once again.

“hey…uh is there any reason why you left the tag on the candle?”

shit.

well you can’t win at everything.

[miss-allsundays]

i was kind of expecting it (because of the danny motta pandemic), but the amount of people that just. write off octavia as some sort of ungrateful brat is really pissing me off.

we, as the viewers, have a much broader understanding of stolas, his life, and his relationship with stella. we are also made to look at it in a positive light for stolas, because we are shown instances of stella and her brother being the terrible antagonists they were written to be.

and most importantly, we do not have an attachment to stolas and stella’s relationship.

octavia instead, has had her life recently upended, has seen her father do a 180 change and (in her eyes) ruin his whole relationship.

her parents are divorcing, and they’re going about it in the worst way possible. they keep badmouthing each other, and they are, quite frankly, very dismissive of octavia— stolas as well, even if he doesn’t mean it.

and then, her father risks his life for the guy he destroyed his family for. and she is left with her mother and uncle, who clearly don’t have her best interests in mind.

of course stolas deserves to be happy, and of course he can love both blitzø and octavia at the same time, but what a lot of people don’t get is that she is a hurt child, who is very lonely at the moment, and who has not had the time to process everything.

instead she has to watch her dad fawn over his affair partner, talk shit about her mother even after the divorce, and then he suddenly leaves and oh! he will be banned from their house for a hundred years.

of course she holds resentment over her father!! he hurt her, just as much as her mother hurt her!!

because yes, stolas’ hatred towards his ex-wife is justified, but he has subconsciously let that feeling cloud over his love for octavia.

for a child, seeing your parents go through a divorce is really fucking tough. even if their relationship wasn’t the best, even if the love wasn’t there anymore, your parents splitting up still feels like a point of no return. as someone who went through that, i cannot tell you how many nights i spent as a teen wishing my family would go back to normal, even if the rational part of me knew that their separation was a much better outcome, and that the normal i hoped for hadn’t been that in years.

their divorce is only a couple of months old, it isn’t nearly enough time to begin getting over it, especially if you don’t have a good outlet for your emotions— which octavia doesn’t have.

and as i’ve mentioned earlier, the fact that her parents hate each other so openly is also another big fucking problem!! it does nothing but make the child in between feel bad, because they feel guilty for still caring about both of them, like their love for their parents is wrong and tainted.

(again, stella is terrible, and we can all agree on that— but octavia doesn’t know the full extent of it!! sue just wants her family back!!)

i feel for stolas, and it’s so, so obvious that he loves his daughter more than anything in this world, but i also understand why octavia wants some distance from him.

even though he didn’t mean to, he failed to think of how his daughter was holding up, until it was too late.

(and to everyone that says octavia hates her dad, go fuck yourself and pick up a pair of glasses. there is a difference between being hurt by someone’s actions and hating them. she went to IMP to give him his meds. she saved stolitz + IMP from andrealphus. learn some media literacy before you speak thanksssssssss<3 )

[mossplot]

Maybe a good/better ending AU? 🥹

What about a set of headcanon designs of formal/evening attire for the Tulpar Crew? May or may not include Jimmy, and Curly's condition is up to you. :3

OMG YIPPIE YES! I LOVE THIS ASK BC I’VE THOUGHT TO MYSELF SO MANY TIMES “oh man, what would a better ending look like?” BC I SEE SO MANY POSTS AND ART PIECES ON IT! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK I LOVE YOU MWAH MWAH!💕💕

Mouthwashing Better AU+

Formal Attire!

TW: Mentions of R*pe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-I like to believe in this better AU, when Anya tells Curly about what Jimmy has done to her, he immediately confronts him and pulls NO punches.

-Curly wants to believe it's some sick joke for his own sanity, but he knows Jimmy and what he's capable of (being somebody's friend for twenty-some-odd years does that.)

~"Hey man, what's up?"

~"Anya told me. Jimmy, man...what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you serious?"

-Doesn't bother contacting cooperate before deciding to put their cryogenic chamber to good use protecting Anya (not without heavy resistance on Jimmy's end, kicking and scratching trying to avoid being confined.)

-The rest of the haul went rather smoothly with maybe a few very minor bumps and scraps here and there.

-There's plenty of team bonding like game nights. Daisuke always wins much to everyone's dismay, but it's fairly funny watching Anya get pissed off and claim he's cheating at an "un-cheatable' game.

-Without Jimmy around, no one feels that they have to walk on eggshells anymore (this especially applies to Anya.)

-When they finally make it back to Earth, they're all so relieved yet saddened.

-Even though they are ecstatic to get back to their regular lives, they had grown to be a family over the past year.

-Lots of hugs and tears (mostly from Daisuke) and promises to meet up as often as all of them can!

-Jimmy is unfrozen and put on trial, being convicted of rape and thrown in prison. He gets counseling and progresses into a much better person but remains in prison for a long time ultimately deciding that when he gets out, he won't contact anyone on the Pony Express team. (He fades from their memories over time and they have no idea what became of him.)

-Daisuke goes home and reconnects with his parents and sister after being gone for a year, blabbering about everything that occurred and about how much fun he had interning for Swansea (who he calls every so often to keep in touch.)

-After a couple months or so, he finally decides to apply to Maryland Institute College of Art and gets accepted! (His parents are just happy he's finally applying himself.)

-Swansea already had a preestablished family prior to joining the Tulpar, a family in which he was so grateful to see again when he got back and vice versa.

-He took a very deserved period of self TLC before going back to work the auto-body shop he and his daughters ran!

-Curly had the most eventful time after leaving the Tulpar as he wasn't sure he wanted to be a captain anymore after that trip.

-He takes some time, job hopping from being a commercial airlines pilot, a line service technician, and finally settling on a less glamourous yet much more significant title, Professor Curly at Purdue University.

-Speaking of college, Anya decides to go back to school in an attempt to get her master's in Nursing and after several setbacks, she manages to graduate with a 3.56 making her the dean's list!

-It's her very graduation that has the crew (minus Jimmy of course) reuniting after several years!

-Graduations are an important event, especially college ones! This is exactly why each member comes dressed in what they view as "formal attire."

-While all of the men dawn suits of various colors, Anya wares a beautiful plum colored ankle length gown fitted with three golden star pins that corset the back under her ceremonial garb. On her feet are tasteful golden, shimmery flats that serves to complement the pins as well as allowing her to move as needed. (AKA she cannot walk in heels for the life of her.) Chooses to steer away from any Jewlery and leaves her hair as is naturally. Usually wearing very minimal makeup, Anya decides to go all out for this special occasion! https://pin.it/aAdHL9ahttps://pin.it/aAdHL9a0H0H

-Daisuke is clade in a salmon-colored suit (the same color as his Hawaiian shirt he wore in his days in the Tulpar) that is adorned by golden fixings on the cuffs. While his hair, now grown slightly longer, is pulled back into a neat ponytail, he decides against a tie or bow, rather leaving the top button undone and open showing off two layered necklaces. One a locket of his family and the other a simplistic, thin chain. He wears red dress shoes that do not compliment his attire at all, but as long as he liked it who cares? He too decides to wear a bit of makeup to enhance his features. Despite his time in college, Daisuke remains as cheerful and free-spirited as he was in the past!

https://pin.it/6BJb0uEGc

-Curly's attire consists of a very plane navy blue suit to compliment his eyes. The suit is similar to Daisuke's in style and cut, but instead of gold fittings his are silver! The only one in the bunch to wear a belt and he makes sure it's black to match his shoes and tie! His curly hair is slicked back with a few left dangling as framing pieces.

-Lastly, Swansea comes in a regular black suit and tie with his favorite sneakers from his collection on. He has a silver tie clip snapped on to ensure it stays on straight (you cannot convince me he does not have one of those) that match his cuff buttons! His greying hair is combed back into that neat style that older gentlemen wear, courtesy of his wife! He originally just wanted to go in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but his wife scolded him into changing on the condition he could still wear the sneakers.

-The graduation goes flawlessly, and emotions run high as they all crowed into cars heading to the nearest restaurant for good food and even better company.

[stupidlittlespirit]

as a stanley girl, there is SO MUCH MORE ford content. and it's 100% because he is "more handsome" (read it as the journal 3 passage where he writes "what is a silver fox??? people are calling me that......"

I also have another take: I think it also has to do with their body type. ford doesn't have a protuding belly and looks slimmer, while stan has a big belly, doesn't hide it, and when he does, he explicitly tells it's a girdle. cowards. afraid of this old man's delicious stomach 🫦🫦🫦

This is actually a really interesting point that I hadn't considered before.

I'm going to use this as a chance to analyse because I think it's quite interesting and I can't shut up about these old fuckers. Sorry.

And by the way, Ford repeatedly being referred to as being 'hot' always made me laugh because they're literally twins and it would piss me tf off if I was Stan.

(I am also speaking in big, broad brush strokes about the way in which they're received by the audience and portrayed in the show here, by the way. Very generally.)

The main difference between them I think is that Stan is portrayed as someone who 'didn't take care of himself' because he smoked heavily, drank, and was generally portrayed as quite 'grimy'.

But I would hasten to add that being homeless and having a rough life will make you like that to some extent, and that's not an effect of 'not taking care of yourself' so much as it is one of having to survive in any shape you can.

To be clear, I'm not saying you're bad or 'grimy' if you are/have been those things, I'm saying people often portray or view you as such when you've really just had to adapt and be like that to survive. You'll develop certain ways of being because of the people you're around (who usually tend to be hardened themselves) or even the people that you're not around, in the sense of social isolation. You'll probably drink or smoke or do drugs to cope, and all of those things age you dramatically. As does stress and trauma. You don't have anywhere to shower or stay clean. You don't have anywhere to get healthcare. You don't have anything. You lose access to so much that most people take for granted.

In terms of physicality:

Ford had to work out and try to take of himself to an extent because he needed to stay on the run and was moving around a lot. I hold this hc that interdimensional travel takes a HUGE toll on the human body and, like an astronaut would, it was imperative for him to stay in good shape or else he physically wouldn't be able to go on. He also had the astronomical intelligence level to craft food sources or find alternatives, and would have help from other beings along the way. I don't for a second think he survived entirely on his own and we do know that's true because he tells us so in the journal.

Stan survived in a very different way. He did survive totally alone. He had no one at all. He was likely depressed and being homeless meant he had no money, so, for example, he would have lived on a shitty diet of whatever he could get his hands on. When you're dirt poor, calories matter. Like, a lot. He never would have known where his next meal was coming from. He'd have been packing on weight with dogshit food and he'd have had to do it fast, but then you grow into bad dietary habits and it becomes harder to shift off when you become stationary or more consistent in income.

So he would have gained weight and kept it on like a life preserve, but he also wouldn't have had much need to work out to get rid of it once he was more settled, plus depression in general can add to weight gain, too.

Both of them are portrayed as quite stocky guys, as well. They're very broad and chunky in general, so their body type is kind of inclined to hold weight like that too.

Personality wise, Ford has traits that are probably seen as more 'admirable' or attractive by a general audience, in the sense that he is intelligent (booksmart, at least) and driven, he's noble in his cause and he's successful. He's portrayed as being 'proper'.

Stan, however, is portrayed as having traits that are inherently negative such as that he's dumb (he's not, he's very street smart and that IS intelligence, don't let anyone tell you it isn't!), he's a criminal, he's rough around the edges and coarse, he's kind gross, he's a failure, etc. He's portrayed at large as a Loser. His redeeming quality is that eventually, he's considered loveable.

I think it's the combo of their looks/bodies and their personalities seals the deal for a lot of people. One is seen as slim and smart and successful, whereas the other is fat and 'grimy' and a cantankerous ass.

We don't have to like someone to fuck them, but generally we do need to be attracted physically to them to fuck them.

Ford is seen as unlikeable in personality, whereas Stan is seen as unlikeable in looks. Stan is just emotionally more redeemable because we see his redemption and more of his backstory. Ford is just considered by a lot of people as big and sad and fuckable lmao

I, personally, don't think that when you truly look at them both in the light, that you can boil them down to those few traits. They are very complicated and layered, and while they do retain those points, the above is kind of 'how do they seem at a passing glance' or 'how do they seem from an immediate attraction point of view'.

Anyway, I do agree that Stan's body type and personality is viewed less favourably to Ford's because he's put forward as being grotesque, and for one thing, fat is generally accepted as something that equals being gross.

That's not to say I'm waving a stick being like 'waaah this was done on purpose it's fatphobic that they made Stan like that', I think their designs are purposeful but that they're done like that to show to an audience that Stan has lived a sedentary life since he stopped being homeless whereas Ford has been in motion constantly for 30 years.

I have no idea about how character design works, I'm thinking about how they'd look if I were writing about them as my original characters and I needed to portray their personalities/lives to my audience without showing them too much of their backstories up front.

Anyways, I think they're both dreamboats. Fat or thin. Don't give a fuck. I need them.

[asarigg]

Inside the Character's Mind: Part 1

mentions of physical, psychological and sexual abuse towards both Koujaku and his mother

SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

Let’s go back to the beginning. Or rather, what Koujaku tells us. He also talks about himself, of course, but usually when he talks about his past, most of the time he talks about his mother: because that’s what hurts him the most. He barely mentions the abuse towards him other than the tattoo and that one time his father punched him. But he always talks about all the hardships that his family put his mother through. And I’m sure you���ll agree with me that it is hard to believe that was it.

Koujaku’s father has proven to be an extremely violent piece of shit and a zero-empathetic person. I don’t doubt that Koujaku’s mother, because of her nature, was his favorite toy. What’s more, he did every cruel thing he could think of to her, his wife too, she had fresh wounds every day and she couldn’t even eat, and although it isn’t said nor implied I wouldn’t be surprised if Koujaku was a product of rape. I mean… most likely. We hardly know anything about his mother, not her appearance, not her name, not what she liked, not how the hell she ended up in that place, if there was any love involved in it or if it was something about debt, we only know that she was the perfect victim.

She was always saying sorry to her son, for everything Koujaku’s been witnessing, she feels guilty and responsible because he tries to stand up for her, and because she has brought him to a world where the one that decides for them is a criminal. She keeps a deep pain inside for everything that’s happening and she tries to hide it, especially from Koujaku, and seeing her son suffer doesn’t help. Smiling to him so he doesn’t worry, and saying sorry to try to comfort him. That’s why the last thing she repeats over and over to her son when she’s lethally wounded is “I’m sorry”, feeling sorry that it’s because of her that he has lived like this, because she wasn’t able to protect him, to give him a proper life.

Obviously all his father did was also psychological abuse towards Koujaku, even blackmailing him with hurting his mother. But I sincerely believe that his father would use physical abuse to teach the boy a lesson, nothing could stop him anyway, because Koujaku as a child complained and rebelled, he didn’t care if his father hit him, he would defend his mother regardless. This is why I sometimes give Koujaku more scars to his body, and besides defensive cuts I also give him cigarette burn marks. Lore expansion better known as adding trauma.

I think he just doesn’t talk about it that much because the abuse towards him isn’t what has hurt him the most. We ourselves often don’t give it much importance if someone tries to insult us, but maybe if it’s someone close to us, that does piss us off, some logic like that. Moreover, throughout the game Koujaku’s personality is just like that, always worrying about others and giving little importance to himself, to the point of being tremendously negative for himself.

Don’t you think those scars would make him look more masculine, intimidating, as if he’s survived dozens of dangerous, tough fights? It seems the perfect image for an environment like organized crime.

Despite all of Koujaku’s feminine traits, the perception of him both in canon and in fandom (usually) is that of a stereotypically masculine, super straight man who fucks a different woman every night, always joking with “no homo, bro” (which, mind you, I’m not saying I don’t like these jokes, I make them myself too). But in reality that couldn't be further from the truth.

With that image that we have of him, sometimes it would seem that he is someone with prejudices or that he really had a hard time accepting that he’s not straight, specially when in the scene where he confesses to Aoba he says the following:

The reasons he tries to hide his feelings is a mix between the fact that they are friends and he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they already have, that he wants to hide his past and that he doesn’t want to be a burden on Aoba, so he keeps all those things to himself. (And he’s also been educated a certain way and has always seen things one way, never gave it much thought so when it crosses his mind, of course he’s confused)

When he first met Aoba he thought he was a girl because he had really long hair, and after all, when we’re kids we don’t have very developed features anyway, it’s a pretty androgynous state. When Aoba corrects him and tells him he’s a boy his behavior is exactly the same, nothing changes. He corrects himself and never treats him as a girl.

He is someone who has no problem showing his affection for Aoba, neither in private nor in public, he’s very comfortable with his bisexuality, the only one who is reluctant to do so, either out of shame or fear, is Aoba.

What I’m trying to get at with all this is that all that “gentleman” facade and the “always accepting women who want to have something with him” that makes him look so stereotypical in a first impression has a much darker origin, although underneath all that there’s a much more sentimental, vulnerable and open Koujaku about his true feelings, expressing them even if he feels embarrassed, as we see on some occasions (touching his hair nervously when he confesses, of when he explains why Aoba's hair is so important to him).

The relationship he has with his mother is the most direct connection, or course. Being the son of an abused woman has made him hyper-aware of his position as a man (so much that sexism in this game almost goes full circle like the Bourbon family tree, but this is NC’s problem and it happens everywhere, it’s so obvious it’s a writers problem and it’s a shame it affects Koujaku so much because he’s basically the only one who isn’t scared of a bad bitch). We’ll talk about this in particular some more later, but let’s focus on what concerns his father for now.

Being the family of criminals that they are, abusers and… almost slavers, the most logical thing to assume is that they are specially conservative. It could very well be that his father, once he decided to make him his heir, wanted the image of his kid to be as intimidating and masculine as possible. A criminal, a murderer who could run his business in a world like this.

We know that the tattoo is an experiment by Toue, and it wouldn’t be strange if his father knew what was behind it, because after all it would also be beneficial for him to have a way to control him, to mold him to his liking and to make him obedient, unlike he had been behaving, refusing to be his heir and trying to defend his mother. The image of an effeminate, soft, sissy man was not exactly ideal for the future leader. For me, Koujaku’s father either already intended to name him heir before agreeing to the tattoo being an experiment with Toue and Ryuuhou, or he ended up deciding to name him the heir precisely because they had already talked about the tattoo and its possibilities beforehand.

His father would want to break him, drive him to despair so that he would stop resisting, take away his will and, although this is mostly headcanon, “make him a man”. Be a man, be strong, tenacious, learn to fight and find a woman to continue the family with, etc. So it is not surprising that at first he didn’t even reconsider his sexuality and thought that the affection he had for Aoba was just friendship, which over time, with such strong feelings, he realized was not the case. I sincerely love that he is shown to be so nervous and that he confesses to be kinda confused about it and in a state of denial, without having any external reference and too busy hating his father and Ryuuhou to even think about it, it’s normal that it took him so long.

He was trained to be a gangster, while his father insulted him, hit him and threatened him using his mother, on whom he took it out. This training also implies not only fighting but also for doing business, how to talk to be well-received, how to negotiate, how to give the best impression of himself at any given situation. This pack of skills seem to resonate with those that he uses to flirt and run his own business, even if he does it on an unconscious level, he just knows what to say to strike the person he’s talking to in their weak spots. His father’s physical treatment would not only be a punishment, but also to teach him a lesson, to learn to endure the pain, just like he endured the pain of the tattoo. If he cried, it would be shameful, he would be punished. He had to hide his pain, his feelings, his thoughts, for the sake of his mother’s safety and his own. Practically becoming a puppet, thus evolving into the life he carries in Midorijima as an adult.

Him not wanting to open up to Aoba wouldn’t be just an “oh he’s going to hate me”. It’s also what he learned would be the best, having a charismatic appearance that everyone likes. After all wouldn’t it be logical to not want any confrontation with anyone after all that? A tough guy, with people around him who admire him, who never gets tired or cries, because nothing’s wrong. In a way it’s also a shield, a protection, a defense mechanism. To be a man.

Now, the way he behaves that almost everyone without exception associates with his mother. And this, for sure, is the intention, his desire to protect his mother and therefore take care of the women he meets. But it’s also him actively wanting to be the opposite of his father.

What kind of relationship does he have with women? The contact he has with them is mostly through all his female fans, who are crazy to say the least. We’re not going to get much into the subject of sexism but first of all it’s a huge mistake that his fans are only young women or the way they make them all act.

Koujaku spends all his time building a character that he considers perfect, someone gentle, who never says no to a woman and is always available to entertain them, it would never occur to him to deny anything to any of them, as his mother was denied so many things. Unlike that hard and tenacious masculinity that he was taught to have in order to take on his role as the heir or the bestiality of his tattoo, he presents a gentle and chivalrous masculinity on the outside. What he does is pamper them and give them everything they ask for (almost, because has never really had serious relationships. Which makes sense because he would be telling them pretty big lies, right? That wouldn’t fit with his own code). He doesn’t think very highly of himself, he has a low self-esteem as he thinks of himself as nothing better than a worthless monster that should have probably died a long time ago.

Sometimes people who are abused go through abuse again, in a cycle. I think saying that Koujaku is a playboy is incorrect. (He acts flirty and likes playing around, sure, but there’s something deeper). That perception of him is natural, of course, because the way he behaves and how he is presented to you, it is the image they want to give of him after all, in a basic and cliche way, so artificial that it is unsettling. I could believe that it sounds artificial on purpose, referring to that shell of how a confident and strong man should talk, if it weren’t for the fact that they do this kind of cliche and artificial situations quite often with other characters as well, and it makes it kinda hard to remain immersed. I honestly think that the foreshadowing could have been done a little better, but it still serves the narrative. Also this is practically almost all you see of his character the two first interactions he has with Aoba. Considering the structure of the game and how rushed everything is, it’s not very positive, but for the sake of your mental health it's better not to think too much about it.

In short, Koujaku is a very accommodating and attentive person. He listens and encourages others with their problems but doesn’t let anyone worry about him with his own, taking on everything himself. He even ironically tells Aoba that if he’s worried about what happened with Mizuki, he can blame him, and that he can always count on him to tell him anything. It’s a very lonely way to live, even though he has so many people around him.

Knowing this, it’s more than reasonable to think that more than him flirting with women, it’s simply him agreeing to give what those women ask of him. They come looking for something and he gives it to them. He’s a toy. It’s often joked that he’s practically a prostitute, and pretty much that’s what it is. And it’s in the balcony scene where we see a more personal side of him, where we can observe that in reality all this burden tires him, it’s not natural. It’s not like his character isn’t extroverted and charismatic, but that’s not everything, and in public he doesn’t allow himself to be “less”, so in private and in confidence is when he can afford to relax, with Aoba or in his own house.

Somehow, even though he is no longer with his family, the way he interacts with other people, or how he lets himself be used, be it consciously or not, even if there is a different intention behind, is not that different from before, people still use him.

ERHM... SOMETHING

I’ve sometimes wondered if there was some sort of sexual abuse on Ryuuhou’s part towards Koujaku. Nothing is implied canonically, at least physically, but the erotic connotations of the story of the tattoo artist he’s based on, the sadism, and his constant references to love make me think of it happening on a symbolic level.

I think it’s obvious that Ryuuhou loves Koujaku, in his own way, as his creation, and he’s referencing love at first sight and Koujaku’s abuse of Aoba. In a metaphorical way that abuse certainly happened, ever since he was tattooed, his body did not belong to him anymore. There are people who can’t stand the idea of having sex, and others who often seek it out to ease the pain. Ryuuhou made sure to mark his body and mind so that he could never forget him. His tattoos are his shame, his filth and sin. When Aoba touches his tattoos Koujaku practically jumps at contact.

[numberonetacostan]

hi shrimpy here ! im begging you to ramble more about the mephone telling taco about their programming because i wanna know how people like pickle and mic and mepad (lets pretend he's here ok ? ok. im coping) wpuld react to the " taco was meant to win " + " she was meant to have redemption arc " thing :3

Hiya Shrimpy!!!!!^^ Welcome back, AND THANK YOU FOR ASKING FOR MORE RAMBLES ABOUT TACO BEING BUILT TO WIN AND FINDING OUT AND AAAAAAAAAAAA (((o(≧▽≦)o)))

Before I get to how Pickle, Mic, and Mepad react to the news, one aspect I didn't mention in my previous rambles!!! Upon finding out, Taco glitches out!!! In the same way that Knife and Suitcase did while they were with Cobs. She's so shaken, distraught, angry, despondent, that it affects the core of her being enough to start glitching her. She'd probably stay a tad glitchy for quite some time. It would get better as she does, but that would take a while, and I'd imagine she's always a tad glitchy when the subject gets brought up.

We're going to start with Mepad because I love him!! And because I have two options for him- one that's uh. in line with canon and one in which he's alive!!!! So, in line with canon, he unfortunately isn't really there to help Taco through this. He's dead :(. But!! I subscribe to the train of thought that Mepad's body is kept in the Gemory Cave, as it's a place where his body will stay safe and dry, as well as being where he woke up for the first time. It's full circle and makes me want to cry because I miss him. My own yearning aside, I think Taco would go to see him. She has reconnected with Mic by now, and was working on changing and building new relationships before she found out the news (I definitely think there's... not exactly a regression from her, she doesn't go back to being villainous, but her social progress is so very stalled and her emotions are all thrown out of whack and into a meat grinder again, yeah?), but Mepad is the one she's really managed to open herself up to, yeah? She feels safe doing that with him, talking honestly to him with her walls down <3!!! So she would go to him. Even if he can't answer her, give her advice, soothe her, he's still there physically. She would spend hours ranting at him, sobbing, shouting, getting the emotional relief that she's only ever been able to get with him.

Living Mepad on the other hand? Well, his immediate attention would be on Taco and trying to help her, especially once she starts crying and/or glitching. He'd probably be the one to snap her out of her spiraling here, getting her to slow her breathing at least somewhat, but he would also respect her wish to be alone when she expresses it. He would not let Mephone get close enough to try and stop her like he did in my previous ramble, so she could simply walk off to lock herself in her room. He would definitely go after her soon after, especially after she becomes rather... loud, in her agony, but first? Mephone. We all saw Mepad in episode 17 after Mephone reveals the truth of their origins to most of the cast. Mepad was angry!!!! And to think that Mephone, knowing he had made her to be the way she was and that her programming was more or less malfunctioning, still didn't want to recover her? Was fine to leave her to her suffering? Someone so personally close to Mepad? Who he has more insight into the suffering of? Mepad would be downright furious. He's got a pretty cool temper, from what we've seen, he wouldn't be shouting at Mephone exactly, but he would firmly and immediately be asked to leave. Mepad would prioritize Taco's well-being, of course, and be so very soft with her, but on the inside he is so pissed. The second chance Mepad had given Mephone has long since been ruined, but this? Mepad and Mephone are so so so so divorced. They were never married but they are so very divorced.

Mepad would be so important in helping Taco heal, though. He's already an incredible thera-pad anyways!!! And hey, she may not have gotten the redemption arc she was supposed to, but know they know it was supposed to happen, yeah? She is undoubtably capable of being better!! And he'll be with her ever step of the way <3.

IF HE WASN'T DEAD *dissolves into wet sobbing*

Well this is getting long lol. Onto Mic!!! Uh. She would also be pissed at Mephone but prioritize Taco!!!! When Taco runs out because she needs a moment alone? Yeah, Mic already displays a habit of saying some really hurtful things when she's upset, Mephone would get kicked out a lot harsher. And then Mic would protect Taco with her life actually. I can see Taco having a pretty nasty depressive episode after finding out, but Mic would so be there to take care of her, make sure she eats, get her fresh air even if that's Mic scooping Taco up and carrying her around outdoors for a while. Mic would feel so very bad for her. This is a bit of a tangent, but I honestly don't have as much to say about Mic beyond her glomping Taco with so so much love and support, because I truly think that's her most prominent reaction. She might lay awake a few nights, thinking about how things between them could have been different had Taco gotten the life she was supposed to, but they're back together now and Taco is changing and that's that. (Also, if she realizes that losing her was the reason Taco was finally able to break from her programming, her heart would fill with so much love for real. Taco really cares so much for her, even if she can't always express it the right way.) Anyways, I think everyone would feel pretty bad for Taco. Between her reaction, her having lost pretty much everything she was supposed to have for something that wasn't really her fault, the relatable struggle they all have with going against their programming? I can see most of if not the entire cast being a lot lighter on Taco after this. It's okay for them to be too, she'd be even more fearful and cautious of backsliding than she already is post-canon, which is a lot!!!!! So, yeah, lots of forehead kisses, hugs, and warm cups of hot chocolate for Taco from Mic <3.

On to Pickle!!!! ...hoo boy. Well, for obvious reasons he isn't part of the initial Taco Support Gang, but he would still have a lot of thoughts!!! Particularly on the part in which Mephone had planned him and Taco to actually reconcile and be friends again. Because forgiving someone isn't really something you can always choose to do, yeah? You can give them grace, yeah, but there can still be a lot of hurt inside that never really goes away in a way that would really let you forgive. Even if he was supposed to forgive her, he can't. And that's okay!!!! But, as I am adamant on and have stated in the past, he wouldn't like to see Taco suffer. He! Is! Not! That! Kind! Of! Guy!!!!! He'd feel pretty bad hearing her sobbing through the walls and seeing her in a depressive episode!!!!! It brings him no joy or satisfaction!!! I think he and Taco might have a little one on one talk, in which Pickle could repeat some of the advice that Knife made to him, yeah? Can't change what happened, but dwelling on it forever and never trying to move on will just leave you stuck in your misery. And then a gut-wrenching (at least for me with the incredibly vivid scene of this i have in my mind. i think im hyperphantasic but thats not what we're talking about rn) little "I'm sorry" "I know" discussion. Augh. They part on better terms than they were before, but there's still a hollow sense of loss to it. What could have been, what should have been, will not be.

Let me know if you have any more questions!!!^^

[rival-the-rose]

I have. So much bitching to do

[bixels]

The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.

[angelpuns]

Everything is very horrible today in an autistic meltdown kinda way so either I'll pop off and draw a lot or lay face down in bed doing nothing for several hours we'll just have to see

[mashmouths]

so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell