#which is not an excuse but an explanation really
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"[piece of media] being for a very specific audience" is something very under appreciated in media literacy like please understand you are most likely the peripheral audience for many things.
#there's also something to unpack about a lot of things being for *homer simpson voice* males 18-49 but this ain't about that#this is about powerscalers and fujos btw#that said there isn't any pure way of enjoying media so if either or both those things make you happy then i wish you the best fr#that said you are reading a manga meant for teenage boys#if the author makes a decision that you don't like then its probably because of that#which is not an excuse but an explanation really#you're not the intended audience but the author sees and recognizes you in some way then honestly thats cool
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Please tell me you've seen this my God he looks so ejsheushek
https://x.com/sweetyoua/status/1870892887975813429?t=CJ2OQk1SsGukvNUvC71Oiw&s=19
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OFCCCCCCC I HAVE!! one of the most incriminating lifechanging charles gifs ever.. now i encourage everybody to click the link and fully take in this masterpiece, but let’s focus on and appreciate these two specific frames.
#first of all. The hand motions. Like cmon#those are the movements of a man who’s not only been around a cock#but knows wtf he’s doing.#the muscle memory stroking? he’s letting that interviewer and everybody know he could do this in his sleep#THE KISS TO THE TIP. OF THE MICROPHONE.#there’s no explanation or excuse#now im haunted by the image of him being a tip-kisser#and then the staredown??? the eye contact???#that he holds with not only the person behind the camera but the camera itself??#charles leclerc is this an interview or a PORNO!!#REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE!!#and some people really think he doesn’t know what he’s doing#it’s actually the opposite. He’s all too aware of the affect he has on others#which is dangerous for the rest of us#this is an omega who knows how to use those pheromones#bring back omegas with shame#but then we wouldn’t have this gif …
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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .
#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH#jay screams into the void#(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions#suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for#(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions#and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good#but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it#like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That#and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits#but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell#and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that#ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart#but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck#anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch#i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it#i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally#That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks#Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service
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i wish i was not as forgetful as i am. i don't like how it makes me unintentionally thoughtlessly unkind.
#chirps#hi if youre reading this. i do really enjoy your friendship. if/when you want to chat feel free to dm me.#you are an important and valued part of my days.#i'm really really sorry i forgot. yesterday we were cleaning and then driving for 9 hours but i should have written it down and remembered#which is an explanation not an excuse. i'm very very sorry i forgot and i feel awful about it#i don't want to pester you but i would really miss you if we never spoke again.
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also. tbh. a little disappointed it seems like taash is Also going to be from the qun, or at least a very recent defect. i was hoping we’d get to see more vashoth characters
#at this point it feels like a concept they made up for adaar/whatever qunari pcs for this one#this is something i’ve noticed recently where it’s like. nonhuman cultures feel like they’re being. what’s the word#reducing them all down to one culture#seeing this especially with elves bc we haven’t really spent time in an alienage since tabris#arianni and merrill are both dalish transplants. but alienages have their own culture#there’s elves whose ancestors were never in the dales. there’s elves who lived in the dales who never joined the dalish#but we don’t really get a whole lot about that#like. it’s very cool to have two dalish companions but i’m a little disappointed they’re the only elven companions yk#god. i could write a whole other post about elves#seeing this a little bit with dwarves too bc in harding’s v&v episode she brought up the stone a bunch#which i’ve already mentioned. could be an insight into surfacer culture that hasn’t assimilated into the chantry#or it could just be that they went ‘uhhh dwarf so they’re all the same’#i’m of two minds about varric’s beard for the same reason bc it was an intentional choice to have him be clean shaven#and maybe he’s gone through some offscreen character development. or it could be this again#it seems like a similar thing that happens to characters of color like#if they’re not white it’s either them or their parents who came from rivain/antiva/tevinter (thinking vivienne duncan isabela etc)#everyone needs an excuse for why they are where they are. except for white humans bc that doesn’t NEED an explanation. is how it comes acros#mine#taash
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Sorry, I just need to vent a little bit again... Nnnhhhhgggg!!!
No, but I've just come out of two weeks of time off at work. My next two-three weeks + weekends are already booked with work/conventions/meeting up with people, all of which I do enjoy, but it's all very draining for little old introvert me.
Which means that I need some time alone without seeing anyone and not leaving my house so my social battery and energy levels can replenish. Time that I'm not getting at the moment.
The other day I got a message in a group chat about some friends wanting to meet up. One of those friends has a 4 month old baby so we ask her if she and her husband could suggest some dates that would suit them. She suggested a day that I can't because I'm already meeting up with friends (one of which is in the group chat).
And because I already have so much stuff to do and am barely free, I said that I'm available AT THE EARLIEST around mid November (which isn't even a lie).
So yesterday, the friend who's in the group and who I'm already meeting up with next weekend messages me, asking "you're not even free around my birthday?" (Which is around mid November).
And just... that's not really any of your business? If I say I'm not available, whatever the reason may be, I'm not available.
So I tell her, "no, not really" to which she replies "are you that busy?"
Like... Yes, I'm that busy! I have a ton of work, I have to be at work early the next couple of weeks (which my boss pretty much forced me into), I have to work Saturdays, I have conventions that I would like to go to, you and a bunch of other people have already asked me to meet up and I can't postpone that all the time even though I'd like to and, last but not least, I would really like some time to myself, if that's not too much to ask.
And most importantly: I do not need to explain myself to you??? What, do you want me to share my calendar with you so you can see where I am at any point in the day? I'm not asking her what she's up to all the time, because it's none of my business and because I honestly just don't care what she's doing. If it's important, she'll tell me when I see her.
It's just so annoying! I wish I was more assertive and would actually say something about it but I suck at those things ugh...
Ok rant over
#She can be so... idk what to call it? Rude? Blunt? To the point?#Like... at the end of 2022 I was unemployed for a few months#And we were going somewhere with another friend#And I mentioned that I was tired#To which she went “how can you be tired? You don't work?”#Like... excuse me????#That one friend told us earlier this year that she was going to Japan for three weeks#My first reaction was to be happy for her. I asked her when she was going and where and what she would do#The other friend's first reaction was: “are you staying in a hotel for three weeks? That's gonna be expensive”#Like... really??#That's none of your business?#I doubt she'd go if her budget didn't allow it#And even if she'd have to get a loan for it#That's. None. Of. Your. Business#I just don't get it#But people don't owe you an explanation jfc stop it#ok rant really over#Shut Up Char
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sorry things are not good at the moment, and I hope you will get through this ok.
I'm paraphrasing a bit, but aiui you see Pharma as very much inclined not to explain the reasoning for his choices. What effect do you think that had/has on the other medics there, either in terms of their responses to what went on at the time or later?
(Inspired particularly by the context of The Wicked)
Honestly, I think Pharma's inability to tell people when something's up with him is unfortunately why he got rejected by his Autobot buddies so bad. I mean, ignoring the really bad implications, it seems to me like in Pharma's efforts to be restrained/professional/composed, he mostly comes off as cold. So if Pharma comes off to most people as just a cold professional, I suppose it makes sense why they heard about him being blackmailed by the DJD and just assumed Pharma was chill being a traitor and killing people? Aid/Ambulon/Ratchet/etc just like. Forgot that Pharma is a person with emotions and assumed that clearly, since Pharma is always in control of himself and always knows what he's doing, that must mean that when he worked with the DJD it was purposeful (in the sense of being willing).
Sucks too, bc in my personal headcanon the reason Pharma is so uptight and focused on a professional persona in the first place is related to social anxiety and an oppressed background. So in the process of Pharma constructing this professional persona so that other people respect and value him, it was that same persona that also made people assume he just had no emotions at all, so it was easy for them to assume the worst of him.
#squiggle answers#pharma apologism#honestly 'assuming that pharma lacks interiority' is the most charitable reason i can come up with#for why the autobots treated him Like That that doesn't jump to just calling them evil assholes#there's no other explanation for it besides the autobots just being actively malicious towards pharma which#as much of an apologist i am i don't think makes sense#i think the issue is just that like. pharma was never really close to anyone (besides ratchet) and most ppl only knew him by that#consummate professional persona. no one thought deeply about him or knew/cared how he felt#so when pharma comes along trading tcogs to the DJD. no one cared about him enough to ask 'but why though'#they just kind of assumed 'oh i guess pharma was just always an asshole' and forgot that maybe he didn't want to be tortured to death#and didn't want aid/ambulon/everyone at delphi to be tortured to death. it was just sheer apathy causing them to simplify and dehumanize#pharma's motivations. HOWEVER RATCHET HAS NO FUCKING EXCUSE HE SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER
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Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.
Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that it’s blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesn’t like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:
#doctor who#dw critical#spoilers#dw spoilers#i get it edgelord you don’t care for religion. you don’t have to alienate religious members of the audience.#i at least appreciated that the doctor agreed with splice that gone and dead are different things and told her to keep the faith#but like. he immediately thereafter still tells mundy that he doesn’t like faith and spent the whole episode disparaging it.#which just feels so wrong for a show that’s supposed to be open minded about the beliefs and cultures all across the universe#i hate when writers gratuitously make the doctor take a hard and broad stance on something that he would NOT#reminds me of s8 when twelve suddenly hated all soldiers#as if some of his closest friends haven’t been soldiers? brigadier? benton and yates? sara?#big difference between corrupt military and literally every soldier#the same way there is a big difference between a corrupt religious organization or individuals who use religion as an excuse for cruelty#and like. ALL faith and the idea of having a faith that you live by whatsoever.#just because his comments were aimed at something corrupt doesn’t mean they weren’t WAY too sweeping as if he meant it on the whole#i definitely enjoyed the bulk of the episode but that just felt like it was done in bad faith and made me uncomfortable#and i just read moffat’s comment on the thoughts and prayers thing and UGH#i get why there are circumstances in which that can feel hollow — usually if it’s coming from a corporation that could actually do somethin#but can we not villainize all the normal people who genuinely mean that with love?#people who often CAN’T do anything but say prayers for you?#that IS a legitimate response and a legitimate action#someone can’t physically aid you but cares to take the time to talk to the God of the universe about you and your need and plead for you#don’t tell me that isn’t love or that it’s not really doing anything#sometimes that’s all you CAN do and it’s more than people give it credit for#blatant disregard and willful misunderstanding of faith like this just rub me wrong#it’s painting with a broad brush and it’s close minded#and yes i’m gonna post this. i’m feeling controversial.#my love/aggravation relationship with moffat continues#in the wise words of kira nerys. if you don’t have faith you can’t understand it and if you do then no explanation is necessary.
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realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.
#whosebaby talks#SDMItag#abuse cw#polyphobia cw#there is just. still a lot that i am unpacking about how deeply abusive her muses were in ~healthy relationships~ with mine#which was really fucked up to put me through by itself but was also *deeply* telling about our friendship in general#a major aspect being how she constantly went back and forth between being very clear that she was repulsed and disgusted by my queerness#and pretending she never said that; while playing olympic-level gymnastics for any possible bullshit alternate explanation she could find#and i'm just like. in hindsight it has become deeply cathartic to write/engage with stories where the polyphobic abuser#is openly and intentionally and maliciously abusive; and framed as such#after the relentless gaslighting and queerphobia of ~healthy OTP relationship~ where a poly muse i had put a lot of myself into#brought up the subject of whether his partner would be alright with him pursuing a relationship over feelings he was Just Starting to Have#and wanted to get ahead of things and ask the moment it became relevant; specifically because he knew the partner had jealousy issues#and the poly person Absolutely Fucking Daring to Have Even the Beginnings of a Crush at All Without His Permission#sent the partner into a massive wailing nauseous spiraling self-harming world-ending inconsolable breakdown#and going practically catatonic with jealousy and ~pain and betrayal~#and the ~healthy resolution~ was the poly muse apologizing profusely for it; comforting him; and promising it would never ever happen again#'he has BPD and jealousy issues and it hurts him sooooo so bad 🥺' i hope otto cheats on him with ten people and then dumps his ass#BPD doesn't make you abusive or polyphobic even if you're mono#and it's so fucking gross that her non-BPD-having ass used pwBPD as an excuse for passionately hating poly people#but yeah there was just. so so much more horrible shit along those lines just In General with those characters alone#and it was constantly dressed up in a veneer of ~healthy relationships uwu~ and in hindsight that's another reason#i have such an extremely strong reaction to 'no see this dynamic is good and home-grown organic wholesome and healthy uwu'#'[most abusive/bigoted/etc shit you have ever seen in your life]'#and why it is honestly such a fucking relief to be able to engage with a dynamic where the abuse is mask-off and openly Intended to Harm#just call me a slur and get it over with etc#anyway it's just. a Lot.#that person was a fucking nightmare and writing with them was a fucking nightmare#last i heard they were part of that fandom's resident anti crowd and mocking/harassing disabled people for dietary limitations lol#and i'm glad they're out of my life and that apparently i've got enough distance from them to be comfortable processing it through fiction
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dgmw I love jc as a character but there's nothing as satisfying as an author who doesn't excuse his bullshit and writes him just as possessive and unreasonable and callous and disrespectful as he was in canon, and then has him face the consequences of that behavior. you see this way more for novel jc because he was so much worse but even in cql he was completely ready to let a toddler be murdered for political reasons and I just feel like his fans should keep than in mind when they write about him
#still remembering that fic about how much jc loves war orphans and refugees and plays with them. like.#hm. well we know how he feels about one refugee war orphan#but yeah I love the brotherhood and tragedy in cql but novel wwx completely cutting himself off from jc because jc treated him like dogshit#consistently is soooooo rewarding. like YES wwx you go and find people who support you and treat you right#on some levels this is true for cql too but it's more tangled imo. and wzc is just so good at looking sad#that people will concoct all sorts of excuses and explanations for his behavior#some of which is reasonable some of which is really not#but I was really sad when cql ended over them and reading these reminds me that maybe I don't have to be#ficblogging
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thinking about how it took claire one firm "no" to go "well okay fuck you then" gjhj
#the writing for ID is so dumb sometimes bc claire's first thought was oh okay i see where this is going#she just said you do you and i do me without much of an explanation she's missing like half of the plot she was shoved away from#which is why i kinda reject ~the great war~ in the parking lot. it's not really in character imo and#an underground joint investigation throughout the years leading to re6 would actually be more interesting#than whatever excuse to justify the lack of presence. by the end of ID there are like 4 people alive who know about the chip in some extent#i'd rather believe they actually worked together to bring down the corruption tho it didn't lead nowhere as we know already from tall oaks#ALSO it ties with what neil asked claire in rev2! when he asked her about tricell and washington she lied through her teeth <3#i hope re6r will give us that claire dlc this time around bc it could give (me) closure about how that chip situation was solved#BUT I DIGRESS
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me @ me: hoe don't kill this fish tryna be Mother Ocean
#wak#cher the fish mom#negative /#animal death ment /#tag vent /#I'm p sure part if not most of why the brine shrimp/Sea Monkey experiment failed#(aside from the fact that generic brine shrimp mortality rate is already high bc they're meant to be fish food but. Barely Relevant)#is bc all the time I'd think#'ok but. what if there isn't Enough food and they die'#'what if this isn't Enough conditioner and they die#'what if I haven't cleaned this Enough and they die'#and I meant well. I really really did and I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing#and as I've stated before I spent well over $200 trying to keep them alive#but. I end up letting my weird feelings get in the way and doing way too much and ruining Everything as a result#(not to mention the sheer lack of Brine Shrimp As Pets information out there Did Not help. Again Not An Excuse Just An Explanation)#(I Have No Excuse)#which is most Definitely not an issue exclusive to brine shrimp#but. it's one of them#like... I'm the person who after 20 salt shakes still thinks 'What If This Isn't ENOUGH Salt' and ends up making food completely inedible#plus I was thinking 'I'll Raise Them As Friends And Not Food!!' or w/e dumb fakecute shit I was thinking#but I had No Idea what I was doing and clearly wasn't qualified#and so rather than providing essential nutrients for people's pets they just ended up having to be put down drains and wasted#I'm going off on a tangent but.. the point is#me @ me: Play By The Fucking Book This Time. You Don't Know More Than Actual Fish Specialists So Don't Act Like You Do#If Experts Say Only Feed 4 Pellets A Day#Feed Only 4 MF Pellets A Day#Don't Make That Poor Animal Suffer Because You're Paranoid About Literally Everything Instead Of Being A Normal Well-Adjusted Person#And Because You Insist On Playing The Hero You Absolutely Aren't#The Brine Shrimp Didn't Deserve That And Neither Does Your Fish#So: Get Tf Over Yourself!! Do Tf Better!! And BE Tf Better!!
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Sometimes I wish I wasn’t 12 when I came up with Suiren and Midori cause why the fuck do both of them have Japanese names
#no but seriously. neither of their parents have japanese names. none of their relatives have japanese names#they aren’t from the fire nation which would make a bit more sense#12 yo Nia why were you so dumb. why was there 0 thought put into their names#okay tbf I did take my time picking suiren’s. I googled flower names in different asian languages until I found one I liked#I knew I wanted her name to be water related so I mostly looked at lilies and lotuses#and suiren is a gorgeous name. don’t get me wrong#I don’t really have any qualms about it. I like it well enough and I think it suits her#my in-universe explanation is that her parents were 20 and 21 when they had her and handy grown out of teen rebellion just yet#so picked a name removed from their respective cultures#though if I had to pick a different name I’d choose Niloufer. it also means water lily but matches ghazan haya and afarin a bit better#I have no excuses for midori#every 2000s baby had an indie video game they were obsessed with in 2015-2019. mine was yandere simulator#so I named her after midori gurin#particularly because of that one fan song that I had playing on repeat that summer#the vibes of it matched my original midori concept so… here we are.#I regret it now bc 1) it’s incredibly lazy. holds no deep meaning nor is connected to her parents’ cultures#2) yanderedev is… yanderedev. would rather not have anything associated with him tbh#but I can’t really change it now because it’s been 5 years. I can’t imagine midori with any other name anymore#I don’t even know what I’d change it to. probably something chinese to match ming-hua#and even if I were to change it it would involve editing so much#posts. tags. fics. everything. it’s way too late now even if I had a good replacement name lined up#oh well. Midori it is I suppose. brb gonna go build a time machine to yell at my 12yo self to use her brain#sotrl suiren#sotrl midori#seeds of the red lotus
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I want to make a post for a meal to remember but also my memory is so so bad, just know that if you are my mutual in the fandom or if I've even just had a positive interaction with you, I love you and I'm kissing you on the forehead in my heart.
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#sorry i have chronic depression which little known fact means i have absolutely dog shit short term memory#or maybe im just stupid who can really say#iwtv#insane ramblings#not tagging the event because im not trying to be a lazy contribution. think of this as a “its not an excuse its just an explanation!”
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At long last: either an alternate explanation for or continuation of my prior comic regarding how Bill was ABSOLUTELY naked in Ford's karaoke night drawing. (Because errors in art do not exist. Artists do not make mistakes. So if you see any in this comic, No You Do Not.)
I am so normal about these old dorks.
I'm not really clear on exactly when Bill started throwing his desperation book at Ford just like a needy ex do, but I find it extremely funny to imagine it happening literally the day of or after the makeshift funeral. Bill just gets this weird sense of 'Ford is taking steps to move on' and CANNOT FUCKING ABIDE.
I hope you enjoy all the goofy things I added to each page of Bill's sad spieling. (Everything SHOULD be readable so long as you view the full size, but I have added basically this whole little fanfic in the image descriptions, LMAO, which lays out all the little written notes and such.) Also don't ask how Bill managed to sneak that vampire pen in there. I have no idea, and honestly? I don't wanna know.
Oh, and a little bonus comic:
Of course Bill would take it as flirting. Because between the two of them, Bill is the bigger masochist By Far. :)
Also I have continued applying The Good Place logic to any of Bill's attempts to swear. Case in point, one last bonus image, this time with a motivational line from my slapdash Theraprism OC, EV-01:
Yes, its name is just 'love' backwards. No, I will not be taking any feedback on this. Yes, EV-01 was only ever assigned to Bill's case due to the Theraprism being desperate to make some progress in rehabilitating him. No, it did not work anywhere close to staff's expectations - Bill didn't even appreciate EV-01's matching fondness for bowties! (He claimed the fondness to be "cultural appropriation" and insisted he'd been traumatized by it.)
Anyway, if you like my stuff, reblogs are very much appreciated, and if you really really like it, perhaps consider my commissions or yeeting a teeny tiny tip my way? I am trying to recoup over 500 dollars in vet bills, ahaha... 🙃
In other news, I loved all the fun tags people added to the prior naked-karaoke comic (such as 'the hat and bow-tie stay ON during sex' and the classic '[insert keysmash here]', as well as the many amused/bewildered remarks about how I either made the bricks a piece of clothing or just straight up peeled Bill's skin off). However, I think my favorite thing by far was the several people losing their shit over the fact that I gave Bill toes. Like, excuse me? The magical talking triangle can have fingers but not toes??? Since when was that a rule????? 🤣 (Also the one person who reblogged with the cropped panel where Bill's fishnets pants are falling off to ask why Bill peed himself. Dude, I want to examine your brain...?)
Okie-dokie, I'm sick of looking at all of this stuff now and I'm off to go to work, after which I will either scribble some more goofy "Billford" comics or perhaps draw my lame human!Bill in Situations, idk yet. Maybe I'll even finally draw more than just a single other person's human!Bill...? Who knows, but I sure hope I can mix it up a little and not turn whatever I draw into a month-long fukken project. >:\
#fanart#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#the book of bill#comics#i can't believe gravity falls and billford keep on trending almost three full months after the book of bill's release#this is incredible#maybe i will add more tags later idk#i have to go to WORK now blehhhhhh#oh right: Do Not Repost (good luck anyway lol. this is So Many images and all of them are Big XD)
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Virtual Breadcrumbs || Poly!141 x hacker!reader
Summary: A kinda prologue to Search History, While you're having your menty b back on base, a little bit from the boys' perspective. Specifically Simon. Alexa, play Mastermind by Taylor Swift.
Part One Next Part
CW: NSFW MDNI 18+ female pronouns , porn, porn, lots of porn allusion, the boys are all handsy with each other, Simon's lowkey manipulating the situation, again irl this is harassment, stalking warning to be safe? mentions of oral and vaginal sex, really just me being nasty from Simon's point of view
It took a long time to gain access to Simon’s inner circle. Simon Riley had a habit of being intense, all or nothing, especially for those he’s decided to care about. His captain and his sergeants were in that inner circle, and he cared deeply, implicitly, about them. Health, safety, happiness, and something Simon was especially attuned to was keeping them sated. A man of action and acts of service.
Simon was neither a poet nor a psychologist, so he didn’t spend much time or energy putting definitive terms and conditions on whatever relationship the 141 shared. He cared and he was cared for, it was intimate on all levels, and that’s all that mattered to him.
A bond forged in bombs, bloodshed, and loyalty above all else. Four soldiers at the top of their game, literally battle-hardened (double entendre completely intended). He was content with his little circle.
However, he couldn’t fault the boys for missing something a little softer. Something a little sweeter, something a little more pliant. Hell, Simon wouldn’t mind burying his nose in a neck that didn’t smell like sweat, blood, and gunpowder.
That’s where you came in. Simon’s sharp eyes didn’t miss anything.
He saw how Price’s signature little smile rested on you whenever your explanations turned a little rambling, the look of pride in his eyes when you cracked a hard encryption- he’d called in a favor from Laswell to recruit you after all. How the Captain didn’t scold you when your work outfits were outside the civilian regulations (which was often), not that Price minded the view when you’d drop something and bend over to pick it up in your pretty skirts and heels.
He saw how Gaz would lean over your shoulder, just a hair too close to be friendly, and watch in a little bit of awe as you worked, how the two of you spoke in code (literally) to each other. He would watch Gaz get a little hot in the face with your flirty little quips over comms, voice a little tight as he returned them. How the sergeant would bring you little pastries or coffees on days they were on base, how prided he seemed when your face lit up, and when you’d unexpectedly touch him- grab his hand or bicep with your pretty painted nails? Simon would notice how Kyle would excuse himself to go do something else, sometimes dragging Soap off with him.
And Johnny. He tried not to show it, the Scot was as loyal as they came. A dog, Simon called him often, a mutt when he was being obnoxious. Simon’d noticed Johnny literally sniffing around you, his head following the lingering scent of perfume and shampoo when you passed. He was touchy with you, passing it off as being friendly, hugging you just a bit too tight to feel the squish of your body against his- a kind of softness Simon, Price, and Gaz just couldn’t replicate. It was a sport for him, to get you to blush or stutter.
And, fucking hell, the banter. Your voice, slightly crackly through their headsets, leading and chiding them through missions. Something about the distance or facelessness of it made you bold and teasing. Soap would egg you on over comms, sending you both down teasing explicit rabbit holes, until Price would remind both of you that the brass had access to these audio files, and you’d get shy and go quiet, but not for long. Gaz was fairly smooth with it, not often getting out of hand until you clicked off and he’d adjust his pants and collar mid-op. Something about Price’s authority kept you a bit tamer on him, but sometimes you would slip, and the way you got all shy and apologetic, Price’s chest would puff up a bit, beard twitching with a smirk as he’d ’scold’ you.
Simon’s men wanted you, bad. But none of them were going to be the first to admit it, none of them wanting to be the first to want more. Their loyalty to each other was their greatest value, but it was holding them back this time. But Simon had a plan, all he had to do was plant the seed.
__
The 141 had holed up in a grungy safehouse to rest and recoup before moving on to the next portion of this assignment. ‘House’ was a bit generous- there was no central heating and it was little more than a kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom, the living room was basically just the foyer with a pull-out couch that took up the entire floorspace when pulled out. The mission hadn’t gone to shit, but it was proving tedious, and stretching into a longer commitment than they’d planned for. Price was miffed about the time commitment, but it wasn’t anything new, it happened all the time.
Waiting for transpo from Nik and information that you were working on. Even Simon felt the sting of disappointment when you’d told them you’d need them to quit calling, that the data Price requested from you was proving to be a challenge that needed undivided attention. They were bored. Price and Gaz had slipped off somewhere so the Captain could work out some of his irritation, which in turn got Soap huffy and touchy.
Which was why the Scot was sitting, spine curled into Simon’s side, laid across the sofa still in full gear, long legs over the side while Simon simply sat up straight ( "s’too fuckin’ cold f’ this shite", he’d muttered after they’d found the wood for the old fashioned wood stove was both wet and molding, "Body heat it is, fucks sake." ), military-issue tablet using the secure network you and Gaz had set up. Too tired to do much of anything, too mission-wired to truly relax, restless and a little homesick.
Simon wasn’t surprised that it only took two rounds of solitaire before the Scot switched to the browser and started to look through the homepage of a porn website he didn’t recognize. They both knew this strategy, get yourself off a few times and your brain releases enough ‘good’ chemicals that you might be able to get some sleep. Johnny did seem uncharacteristically indecisive, getting quickly squirmy and irritated, as he continuously clicked ’next page’ waiting for something to catch his eyes.
A sniper always sees a good shot when it lines itself up, time to plant the seed.
"Give it ‘ere." Simon gruffed, plucking the tablet out of Johnny’s hands, only smirking at the coarse language Johnny offered in return, though he didn’t attempt to get the tablet back. Waiting curiously and not so patiently for whatever Simon was going to produce, what a good dog. The lieutenant took a couple minutes to find the right seed to plant, using key phrases that produced the results he was looking for.
He let Soap peruse his yieldings. The actresses had some things in common, familiar hair and eye colors, familiar because they shared them with you. And the actors doing such filthy things to them? Well, that was the seed (double entendre not intended) Simon was planting, the bone he was throwing to Johnny, all the actors were Scottish. The sniper knew his shot landed when Soap muttered under his breath, taking the tablet back, hips shifting a bit subconsciously as he scrolled, watching the thumbnails give little snippet previews, "Steamin’ Jesus, Lt…"
"Seen you sniffin’ around our analyst. Pretty bird." Simon shrugged but his eyes were just as fixed on all the thumbnails, girls that looked vaguely like you in all sorts of positions getting rammed on Johnny’s- sorry, the actor’s cock. He saw the look of (Catholic) guilt on the sergeant’s face, swirling with lust and a pretty flush under his stubble, so Simon swooped in with another seed, motioning to a thumbnail where an actress with the same hair as you was moaning, "Bet our bird'd look better, bet she’d sound better."
The guilt was gone, the seed planted and flourishing in the Scot’s brain, Johnny’s lips growing into a wicked grin as he settled on a video, not bothering with headphones or squirreling away in the bathroom. One video turned to three, the two men taking turns chiding and teasing the other, and when his sergeant finally burst, it was your name he called out.
Yes, his plan was going to work beautifully.
___
For a quick two-minute search with the sole purpose of quickly getting Soap off, Simon hadn’t been displeased with his results. Neither had Johnny if the spring in his step and uptick in screen time was any indication. The actresses shared features with you, but he was positive there was a closer match out there. And since he couldn’t exactly ask you, their lass in the chair as Soap called you, he turned to their other tech guru and the next part of his plan. Kyle.
He was a bit more straight-laced than either Simon or Johnny, he’d be harder to convince. Simon didn’t know if he had it in him to debate the morality of purposely seeking out a porn star that was as close as physically possible to you… Or how that might affect the relationship amongst the 141… Ghost wasn’t known for being the moral backbone of the task force, and this wasn’t an issue that could exactly be bullied to be won.
So, when first met with some resistance even if Garrick’s face was flushed and he was shifting in his seat, ("Simon, that’s… I don’t know what but it’s not right. What if she finds out-") he delegated some orders to Johnny.
Simon didn’t know what the Sergeants got up to- that’s a lie, he had a pretty good idea, and he expected a repeat performance later- but when they came back, Kyle’s eyes were still a little glazed and his shoes were on the wrong feet.
"Well?" Simon raised an eyebrow looking up from the rifle he was meticulously cleaning. Johnny was smirking smugly, belt still undone, nudging the other sergeant to remind him to answer their lieutenant. Gaz was nodding wordlessly for a moment, running a hand over his hair, slumping back in front of his military-issue computer, and opening a private browser.
"Yeah… Yeah, mate, I’m on it." Kyle was practically still panting from whatever Johnny had done to/for him. Simon smirked, going back to his rifle, until after a moment when Kyle’s voice was more level, he added his requirement, "If I find her-"
He paused, cheeks heating a bit as he reworded himself a bit, "A look-a-like, I mean, I get to taste her first."
Simon could work with that. 2 down, 1 to go.
____
Lastly, John Price. Saved him for last for a reason, but he was also the easiest. Simon waited until the assignment was on the up and up again. Summit fever to push through and go home had its claws in all of them. He knew it was a good time because, after the last firefight and subsequent march through the woods to a safe zone, all the boys were too tired to fool with each other... much. Price was sitting against a tree, that ridiculous hat of his resting on his propped-up knee, face illuminated by his cigar and the light of his phone.
Wordlessly, Simon crouched beside the captain and held his hand out expectantly for the phone. Price blew his smoke with a quirked brow but was curious to what the sniper had in mind, placing the device in the waiting gloved hand.
"What’re you up to, Simon?" Price inquired suspiciously, lowering his eyes to the light of the screen as it was handed back to him. His blue eyes, older looking than the captain really was, widened for a second before darkening in the low light of the forest, "So this is what the Sergeants’ve been on about, uncanny…"
Price watched the very short prelude, a woman who looked so much like you, wearing something a little racier than you’d wear to the office but as blood rushed elsewhere, Price found the realism didn’t matter much when if he squinted… it was you stripping off a cardigan and letting some sort of authority figure pop the buttons of your blouse before shoving you under a desk with your pretty painted lips wrapping around his- sorry, the actor’s throbbing cock…
Seeing the way John’s expression shifted, Simon smirked under his mask, raising back to his full height and returning to where he’d stashed his gear. His plan was almost complete, they were in the final stretch.
___
Simon was watching over Johnny’s shoulder, his hips occasionally rutting through his clothes into the scot’s back, a video that the sniper had chosen. Soap thought it was really funny that it happened to be from your doppelganger's Halloween playlist, but now was just as entranced watching the tall domineering figure clad in all black and mask absolutely ruin you her. The bed was a perk of finally making it to an actual base, with officer’s barracks, waiting for the official expo back to you home.
“Fuckin’ hell.” Simon groaned, biting Johnny’s shoulder through his mask and the sergeant’s t-shirt, as gloved hands twisted into hair just like yours. It was hard not to insert himself into the fantasy. A knock on the door made him growl, pulling him away from the delicious video and friction that Soap’s weight against him was providing. With more force than really necessary, Simon whipped the door open, only relaxing a little bit when Price was standing there with Gaz, both of them with their strategizing faces on. So, he wasn’t the only one making plans lately.
“See the new video that got posted?” Gaz questioned, looking down to unlock his tablet undoubtedly sharing it over to Johnny’s laptop still playing on Ghost’s bed. Both Lieutenant and Sergeant shook their head no. Johnny clicked on the share notification, releasing a breath that puffed his cheeks and raised his eyebrows as he read the title alone, the video still loading in the base’s less than ideal wifi (the 141’s latest habit undoubtedly eating up most of the bandwidth).
It was your doppelganger’s stage name accompanied by the words Barrack’s Bunny Gets Gang Banged!
“Fuckin’ Hell.” Simon repeated, words almost snarling his jeans chafing him as his cock twitched in his still buttoned jeans.
“We’re having a dinner at mine.” John decided cooly, seemingly unrelated, leaning in the doorframe. His demeanor was its usual casual confidence, but his eyes were dark with the kind of want that spelled disaster for anything that stood between him and his goal. The seeds Simon had planted were growing like invasive weeds, wild and quick, “She’s invited.”
“How’re we playin’ this?” Simon questioned relinquishing the reins to his captain, he was just as much of a soldier as the rest of them, he took orders well, watching as Gaz joined Johnny at the foot of the bed, both Sergeants watching the video together, hands already starting to wander, gear being unbuckled and unsnapped. Price smirked at the sight, adjusting himself through his camo cargos.
“Cooly. Don’t wanna spook th’ sweet thing.” He smiled, mostly to himself making himself comfortable on the tiny futon that had been cramped in Simon’s room as an ‘officer’s luxury’. The captain dwarfed it, and patted the limited space beside him for his lieutenant to join him, “We’ll have ‘er eating out of our hands. And then we’ll have her.”
Price said this with the same easy decisiveness as he’d have busting a terrorist cell, but the curl of his lip, how his legs spread to accommodate the growing erection in pants noted the difference for Simon, his captain nodding towards the Sergeant’s watching the video, their breaths already getting heavy. Kyle’s hands fisting the bed's blankets like he might slip away and Johnny’s hips were already rocking a bit. Price’s smirk grew, eyes flicking to Simon before looking back forward, “You’ve been busy, Simon. Never miss anything, do you?”
It was a mix of praise and teasing that, from his Captain, made Simon’s affirmative grunt a bit lower, something twisting in his gut, like a pet that wanted to be stroked more. Price chuckled deeply, nodding, “Bet that thick head’a yours hasn’t considered why you noticed alluv our infatuations with our little analyst, ‘ave you?”
Simon didn’t respond, watching how Johnny’s eyes lit up much in the same way they did when he was presented a puzzle (bomb) that caught his interest, how he moved Kyle’s hands aside and rewinded the video, once, twice, three times at something your lookalike did that scratched his brain just right. Mutt, Simon thought, waiting for Price to continue, knowing that the captain couldn’t resist teasing him just a bit. He’d expected as much, maybe a vulgar comment or two. He was not expecting a truth bomb that turned him both introspective and horny.
“Only reason you noticed how much we liked ‘er, cause you’re always watching her. You watch her just as much as y'watch any of us, wonder what that might mean?” Price shrugged, one hand working at his belt buckle before motioning for Gaz to turn the volume. The Captain actually laughed at the look in Simon’s eyes that most would miss before nodding back to the video and the Sergeants, “Now, watch the show."
Fucking hell.
__
Maybe it was that little bite of introspection or the flight home where they fleshed out every last detail of their plan to get you, the real you. (“Gaz and Johnny’ll do the leg work, play up the charm, and Ghost and I’ll work the opposite angle, strong and silent.”). Maybe it was how eagerly excited Soap was or how Ghost spent his extra time scrolling through your Instagram. Maybe it was the two brief interactions with you upon returning to base- how pretty your eyes were looking up at him through your lashes, how good you smelled, the movement of your skirt as Johnny spun you around, how you got jittery under his slightest touch in the briefing room…
By the time he found himself on Price’s couch, he was impatient. Knee bouncing, checking his watch, making Gaz track your location. When you’d been sitting out in your car for more than fifteen minutes, he all but growled, snapping at Soap, “Go get ‘er.”
And when Soap guided you inside, pulling one of those bright smiles out of you with his own jokes, and Gaz was helping you out of your coat like unwrapping a present, your cheeks already flushed all pretty from the Sergeants’ tag team flirting routine… He didn’t think he could wait for Price to put the steaks on the grill, he needed something to sink his teeth into, sooner rather than later. He was sure if he bit the curve of your neck, it’d be a lot like biting into a ripe peach… supple and sweet. Just like you.
Oh, his plan had worked, the seeds were planted and growing and overtaking every other thought in his mind other than making sure him and his boys were sated at dinner tonight, and you were on the menu.
____
To quote Sir Mix-A-Lot, "Little Does she know I'm a nasty DAWG."
Y’all are getting this because my writing app deleted what I had done on Search History pt 2. Reminder- the reader is loosely based on Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds. The physical description is pretty vague, but lots of skirts and heels and makeup are mentioned, and I might have gotten carried away and implied
Once again: thanks to any and all tags and comments, i collect them and they will be buried in my pyramid when I die. seriously, they inspire me to keep going and I screen shot them to show to my friends :))))
Also so sorry if you got tagged twice im bad at taglists!!
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