#which is not a good thing lmao 😭
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Basically every crush I’ve ever had is just him
#*almost*#which is not a good thing lmao 😭#camilo madrigal#encanto camilo#encanto#lin manuel miranda#crushes
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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Hey i am back with a thought.
I know we already mentioned like. The future future plans concerning kids in the New Age storyline.
I was thinking. Who would carry/get the kid in the couples? (Yes this implies mpreg. If this aint your thing no worries you can just ignore everything else :3 )
As you mentioned before. Nightmare and error would most likely adopt.
Between dream and blue i think blue would end up carrying the kid. Dream would feel too locked up and locked down if he had to take it easy. Also. Let this man pamper Blue. He deserves that.
Ccino and Killer. Ccino wouldnt want kids for a LONG time and even just the idea would be slow going. But killer has his soul situation (is that also a situation in this story?) And he is a knight being out and about. Ccino is safely at home and would be the safer option. But they would need a long time before ccino would feel comfortable with the idea.
Horror and Crop. Crop. Hands down. Horror with his work and Crop has help on the farm. But i doubt thwy would get a kid because they have along distance relationship.
Cross and Lust it depends on who wants it more. I can see both being the one who does it mostly because i can see pros and cons for both sides.
Reaper, Geno and Dust. Only one option. Reaper. Dust doesnt have a healthy enough soul and that with his spell around it? No way he can carry a kid. Geno meanwhile only has a soulshard so he isnt healthy enough to carry a kid either. Leaving only Reaper as an option.
Okay that was it. :D
Haha! Omg I keep forgetting this is smth I can think about! Usually it's not my scene so it might not cone up much in-stiry but it IS how I picture the cast having kids in this one, so!!! We're diving in!!
Like u said, those boys are adopting hehe-
With Dream and Blue it's a bit hard, because I think that Dream would be really really worried about Blue the entire time. Like, terrified his magic would accidentally trigger the whole Twin thing. But, ultimately, yeah, probably Blue! Dream *would* get too restless, and Blue rlly does deserve to be pampered hehe- (I just think Blue would have to really really talk Dream into it. Dream does NOT want to be like his mother anymore.)
Killer and Ccino... let's go with a yes on Killer's soul situation, so Ccino would be their only option. But, like you said, it would be ages before they even thought about discussing the idea, let alone actually having a kid.
Ohhh yeah. I see Horror and Crop as the ones least likely to have kids (as u said, long Distance relationship, but also they just have to much on their plates? They're practical guys and focus on their work and existing families first. Plus, someone has to be the cool uncles to their nieces and nephews!) But definitely Crop. Especially because Horror is pretty low on natural magic as-is and even though his soul is healthy, his body might not even be able to form a firm ecto, let alone anything safe to harbor a forming soul. (Unlike Ccino, Horror was born that way, and the injury didn't help lmao-)
Cross and Lust? I think they'd both regularly get baby fever, but neither of then would be ready to settle down for a *while* in that way, so I think they'd push off the question until years later. Then when it comes up, they 'fight' over it. Insisting that they should carry- I think they'd end up choosing Cross though! As much as Lust seems like the more convenient option, as he's not a knight, Cross is just built different and insists that if anything goes wrong he wants to be the one it happens to. Which, ofc, leads to him doing training whilst in the early stages until someone (probably Killer or Dust) notices he's a little off and then Cross admits he's got a soulling. He did not expect to immediately get horrified looks (because they were fighting someone with a lil guy inside them, not because he has a lil guy) or to immediately get ushered out of training and to his room because??? Idiot??? What were you thinking??? Cross is the worst at staying off his duties, but his brother's have him covered, thank god-
And yep, put perfectly! Reaper is so genuinely the only option! It leads to some odd interactions, since Reaper can't exactly stop being King, but he manages shockingly well and has Geno there to help him (and probably later on Dust, since Night isn't about to leave Dust out of that due to work-) And. I like to think these three in particular have multiple kids perhaps, Kane and then another, and it's kinda a running joke that Reaper's the one hauling them around lmao- (Also very convenient! Because Reaper is the one with death magic in his soul, the kids are effectively immune to it! They were made from that stuff basically, so ofc they're fine!)
#new age au#this ask hit me like a truck at first ngl#but it was actually really fun to think about so I committed and it helped me work on dynamics so ty Ancha!#(usually pregnancy gives me the ick but don't worry about it lol)#I really really love the image of Cross being stubborn and absolutely sure that he can train for a little while#at least until it really starts developing. no one will even notice! y'know? it'll be fine!#and he gets away with it pretty much until either Lust spills the beans at a dinner how far along they are or until Cross suddenly has an#ecto all the time and the others are suspiscious and get the answer out of him themselves lmao#bad first-time parent Cross my beloved. he loves the little soul so much. but was also not raised well.#people keep forgetting his awful childhood and that he's still not 100% sure what's normal 😭#also unrelated but Reaper is in such a situation- he doesn't care and neither does Geno but#it is SUCH a thing because. a king? a king is carrying? what about the wizard? the assassin? the partners he never shuts up about?#and because Dust's soul is a sensitive topic Reaper cones up with more abd more stupid reasons as to why he's the one who has it#'If Dust carried then the kid would be a citizen of Orchard. we can't have that!' is definitely one of them and it's said through giggles#okay enough of my rambling-#I love making characters into good parents (*COUGH* Ccino and Killee *COUGH*) but I also love making them horrendous at it at first while#alao lovibg their kids more than anything else (Cross. Lust. Probably Error. probably Dream-)#wait I lied#not done#Blue really has to beg Dream to let him carry like. so fr. because Dream refuses to risk it.#I think he'd make Blue promise that if twins started forming they'd nope out. yeet them and try again. which is a very heavy promise#for Dream to ask of Blue but... he agrees because he understands. ofc it doesn't come to that but I think it'd have to be the stipulation.#otherwise it'd be a Blue-only kid or nothing at all haha-#queuing this for the morning!
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"that sense of kindness, decency, and tolerance, that has always been the british way" not sure i agree with you there rishi
#to be fair to him that was a very good resignation speech#he took responsibility rather than blaming people (unlike a lot of other tory mps)#and ofc i do think that kindness decency and tolerance should be the foundations of our society#and he was talking abt the fact that a non-white second-generation immigrant could become prime minister#which is obviously a good thing#and sure it was a bit of a dig at reform and at nigel farage#but like. don't pretend that your party has been championing tolerance and kindness rishi 😭#i actually respect the speech overall quite a lot lmao it's probably the first good political move he's made in the whole campaign#uk politics#🧃
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this looks like a long time but initially it said 1 MONTH 15 days
#i think i will just have to grab cutscene footage from online... im not waiting for that sh... lmao#this has me admitting that i'm not a gamer and left that identity behind some time ago... which is kind of sad but ok#thoughh when witcher 4 drops... 😈#oh my god i typed witcher 34 instead of witcher 4. i think that already exists on the internet LOL#i'm actually not as excited for w4 as i am for the remaster of the first game#i also don't have any saves and i need footage of like some late-quest stuff (just for a mention of lore inconsistencies LOL)#like what do i do go beat tw3 AGAIN just to get a clip of ciri facing the white frost#...................... well........#ok ngl actually a shot of emhyr in the beginning of the game would be better to explain 'lore inconsistencies'#because that's probably more aggravating to me than the 'we changed the white frost so you can fight it' thing#that thing is understandable. that's like basic video game logic. antagonists can be fought...#and though i don't like that messaging that forces of nature can be fought...#i understand this is a AAA game with outcomes that need to be written as endings. it's not an experiential VN#emhyr in tw3 though has just annoyed me and has actually annoyed me ever since i found out his character from the books#after all that you're gonna take him and pretend he just wanted to be a better dad and have a good heir on the throne...#well ok he did want a good heir on the throne. to be fair. just. not ciri but her child ... ahem#tw3 just dropped that pregnancy plot like a hot potato 😭 because it's so uncomfortable#without vilgefortz to decapitate in the end and the lodge actively plotting around i admit it loses its meaning#also to be fair tw3 does not have that throughline about reproduction and destiny that the books do#like the begetting of progeny is a huge huge huge theme in the books and so ciri's storyline is just one of a few ways it comes up#without geralt and yennefer specifically being angsty at the start about children it doesn't really work as a plot for ciri later on#the elbow-high diaries
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#there's a flood coming to my city 😬#the wave is supposed to hit tomorrow at night#i'm a bit worried?#they say it's gonna be similae to 1997#which is. not good.#everyone at work was panicking which did not help#they said the water is almost sold out in shops#and i couldn't go to the shop to buy it because i was. at work.#so i messaged my dad and he bought some for me and he'll drive over to bring it to me#his town doesn't have a big river so you can still buy water there lmao#i asked him to buy me some non perishable food like rice crackers while he was at it too#and now i'm scared that he and my mom will buy out the entire shop and i'll have to eat those things for months 😬#they can be like that sometimes haha#yeah they most definitely will bring over the whole car full of food what do i do 😭#anyway my main concern is the lack of electricity because the stupid stove in this flat doesn't use gas ;_;#gotta charge the powerbanks 💪#people are also worried that we'll go to work tomorrow and then it'll turn out the road is flooded and we'll have to stay at work overnight#lmaoooo why won't the company just give everyone the week off?? (because of capitalism)#my sister has a two months old baby and she is leaving the city tonight to stay with our grandma#they do need clean water for the baby and the government recommended the children and the elderly to evacuate#i'd evacuate myself if it wasn't for my work 😭 (capitalism)#aghhh i'm sure it's not gonna be that bad#it's just my first flood you see#well technically the second one because i was born in 1997 hahaha but yeah. yeah.#i do like my warm meals and hot tea and i do like to shower#i do hope it'll last 2 days max!! but a friend says it can last longer depending on the damage ;_;#i know i can't really complain because i at least live on the 5th floor#my sister lives on the first floor. right by the river. yeah...#not to mention the people in surrounding villages#someone at work said that the water reached the third floor in some places in 1997 wtf 😭
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i thought their voices made for a pretty interesting combination, so i made a little test thing to show it off
ust by Zoë (@/half-a-head)
#my video lol#my audio lol#i guess it counts as both?? can i really call it cover tho if its so short#oliver vocaloid#根音ネネ#nene nene#machigerita#vocaloid#utau#yeah whatever i guess i'll put tags for organization. asjdngkjfnkjfjdmg i can fix/edit them better later if i decide eeeee#this mix might still have its issues but pls 😭 it was my first time using cakewalk so dont b mean to me#and it wasnt meant to be something super final and polished anyways again this was just a little fun test so ye. idk if ill make a full ver#i also wanted to make a better little video but since it wasnt a full thing and i was running out of time i just made this instead#which i still think is good for these purposes anyways? i do need to practice/experiment more with aviutl#maybe a bit of a morbid song choice for their bdays lmaoo... but HEY IT COULD BE WORSE#(looking at how i drew piko getting his fucking heart ripped out by bestie miki for his bday last year lmao)#and also if youre a vsynth in my computer unfortunately you are doomed to my morbid ass song taste lol i dont make the rules#well. i do. its my computer. and per the rules actually yes sing little fucked up songs for me vsynths... hahahahah...
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i survived the movie premiere and i only had a few sightings which is very good but . i feel like i just got beat up. in an alleyway idk there is no other way to describe what i'm feeling rn. the movie was about just some guy who quits his lame cashier job and then struggles to find a job he actually likes (me). who loves to watch movies, who loves to go to a cinema and who prefers to sit in the last row and who wants to eat popcorn (me)(since this was an estonian film he was talking about THE exact cinema i go to btw)(there are so many other cinemas here). who wanted to go and study something creative but then just.. didn't (me). who does nothing all day long (me). who feels like every opportunity has already passed and that it's too late to really pick up anything now because it's just way too fucking embarrassing (me). who feels like he has nothing to offer (me). and who feels like he's just an interesting "hello" and nothing more (me).
extra (me) points for when he and his girlfriend went to hang out with her father and then after it he went "i think it's amazing how well you get along with your dad" . as if that isn't something i have said .. countless times before😭😭😭
#there really were some scenes that made me want to cry so badly lmao it's so embarrassing#him and his gf were having an argument and she said how she can't depend on him at all#and that he doesn't do the things she asks him to do even though he doesn't do anything all day long#btw the gf was actually really really nice she gave this cute speech to him at the end#which made him feel better#like she reassured him that he IS interesting and that she doesn't think the world has ended and that it isn't too late#and that he isn't a failure#all of that good stuff#i did not feel better though😭😭😭#like yeah that's#literally me#nothing#i'm listening to the challengers soundtrack while crying this is so funny actually#seeing my literal classmates' names in the titles did not make any of it better either lmao#they're all doing things#things they love#i have to hype myself up to go the fucking grocery store#mayor of loserville#lol#cw vent
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grumbling grumpily bc i unfortunately have to admit that i am indeed getting better >:( like i actually feel excitement again for example. smh. i look forward to going out and being with people??? i am way more agreeable to trying new things and i let myself approach them with an open mind so i often end up enjoying them??? this isn't me this isn't my heart .
#ngl i think. the last 2ish weeks before the show were a big turning point#i surprised myself with how cooperative i was and how positive and energetic i managed to be abt the whole thing#and then the show went great and i got ppl approaching me telling me they loved my bit#and i'm still feeling good since 🧐 this is so damn odd i'm not used to feeling okay for this long#and it's not like. like when i was 18 for example. that i was chill literally just bc i was detached from my feelings (ssris my beloathed).#bc now i do feel excited. as i mentioned. which hasn't happened for real in like. years#yet i'm still also mostly emotionally regulated. and not in a numb way i think#obviously i still have some hard times 😩 being bored is unbearable for example and I still struggle to find ways to solve it#and i still like. haven't been creative since august. but i also don't feel the need to do so either?#idk maybe acting scratches that itch enough that i don't need to write. who knows#anyway this was an angry (/j) ramble abt mental health. don't mind me#i AM extremely scared of when my body will turn on me and hormones imbalance will fuck me up#i'm extremely suspicious bc it should've happened by now according to past experiences. but i'm. still mostly fine. Hm#i also still tend to fall into self loathing lmao 😭 but. not as much as before. it hits hard when it does but usually goes away fast#achieving smth grand probability helped ease some of it far in my subconscious lol#uuuuuuuh does this need a cw tag. lmk 🫡
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I know fans joke abt how the warden is more competent than the inquisitor bc they did all that w/o much help but the funny thing abt amihan is she actually isn't
she was 20, angry and hated herself and the world, she ended up in the situation she was in bc she was...a petty snitch. she also hates being a grey warden and continues to hate being one through dai - she actually leaves but then decides to search for the cure
for most of the Blight, it was fuck up after fuck up. like I play it so that I have enough ppl to help me fight the archdemon, but in my personal headcanon, she pissed off a lot of potential help (whether it be Circle mages who overheard her saying she was "gonna annul this shit" out of anger, eamon's men who did NOT like her, bhelen who didn't really trust the fact that she knew nothing about politics), left a bad taste in people they came across and picked a fight with anora
which I think makes sense for a 20 year old ill-adjusted young woman who had to learn how to be more selfless. beating the archdemon was pure luck mixed with people just NOT WANTING the Blight to destroy ferelden and realizing joining the fight was the only way to stay alive
amihan does grow, but it's slow, she has to process trauma, understand she hurt people and ruined their lives and to actually experience what it's like being loved (both platonic and romantic)
I tend to not post so much abt how much amihan fucked up and almost let a Blight swallow ferelden bc I tend to feel anxious abt how ppl will receive it but I think it's important to her character and it's fun and interesting for me to play with it in this case
immy is 100% more competent than amihan, in spite of her own flaws, but I love both my messy and my scaredy cat girl all the same
#amihan amell#my first pt of dao was a mess tbh lmao and i messed up so much and amihan's canon is pretty similar#after i fucked up and left amalia possessed ive been thinking abt playing the rest of the game where i'll pick what amihan would actually do#regardless of whether or not thatll end up being a good thing in the long run lmao so watch this space#i also wanna talk abt her friendships w morrigan and zev#god i love morrigan to death but lmaoo i know them being so close they just enabled each other's bad habits#which i think why it was good that morrigan and amihan drifted after dao bc they needed to grow apart#its v important to me that they meet again#zev is extremely important to amihan learning how to be selfless#im sorry to zev tht he had to deal w amihan's bs during a blight 😭😭😭#also there are companions and other characters that just straight up hate amihan and lol 😭#anyway just rambling bc i love an incredibly flawed female character and thts what i wanna portray w amihan
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just finished el mundo gira and i thought it was like. comically bad. sorry to any el mundo gira stans, but tomorrow's writeup will have some hater energy.
#sometimes we need to let ourselves be haters. it is a truth rarely acknowledged. but you know it to be true.#just sitting here wondering wtf i watched#their weird fucking heads 😭😭😭#usually when i see a bad episode i try to find an angle to enjoy it from but today we've got nothing#but the sheer absurdity of which was daring bold and camp in concept and a bummer in execution#there are three main kinds of bad txf episode#the first is “oh my god why did no one tell them this was a terribly offensive thing to put on TV” (genderbender or excelsis dei)#or “oh my god this is horrifically out of character” (3 or certain episodes from late s2 where they are always arguing)#and the 3rd kind are the just boring episodes#here we got offensive while trying to deliver some sort of message (i think?) AND boring!#a unique and unprecedented combo!#lmao man. lmfao even#it was just. not good.#usually with the horribly offensive ones i am at least invested in the plot in a sort of “can't look away from a train wreck” sense#but here i was just like. okay. what do you want me to say.#LMAO it was just not very good!! i am a lover enough to hate the things i love sometimes.#it is not my least fave of all time tho... perhaps i shall make a ranking on those. the ones i will never ever watch again.#but i would say it places into my worst 10... maybe? i think so. yeah. at least my worst 15.#4x11
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I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me
#sighs yes before anyone says anything IK it’s probably adhd related 😭#BUT ITS GOTTEN SO BAD I CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY BRAIN HOW DID IT GET WORSE#it’s probably a mix of burnout too but I don’t get tired of drawing ?#it feels like when u get dizzy or change glasses or so#and it’s either everything is wayyy too in focus and you can see literally everything clearly that it hurts ur brain#which doesn’t help given how saturated w information the world is always#and simultaneously somehow everything is blurry or out of focus and I physically have to strain myself to hone in on one thing#I JUST WANNA READ COMICS AND FINISH A DRAWING AND HANDLE WORK AND SCHOOL AND TALK TO MY FRIENDS#ALL IN OME DAY#BUT MY BRAIN IS LIKE. TODAY IS ONLY FOR COMICS. YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ESLE#😫🫶 I’m deleting this later I’m just ranting LMAO#I’m highschool it’s crazy bc I did okay and then honestly i just think my ability to concentrate has deteriorated as the years have gone by#free me!!!#either way I want to lessen my social media and just pick One bc girl I have an Instagram a tumblr and a twitter this is horrible for me .#honestly I’ll probably pick instagram and just post on tumblr when I have art#I already do that#I mean when I have Good art.#IM RAMBLING IDK
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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live footage of me 0.3 seconds after I start to really like a new person immediately searching for stim gifs related to them so I can make an imaginary gift stimboard in my head (that will never actually exist)
#I also do this for self care kits… and just imaginary gift shopping in general#assigning Objects to People makes my brain go brrrrr in the best way oughhhghh it makes my brain happy#this is the second time in a month that I’ve started talking to someone online#and IMMEDIATELY raced to check if palm pals (my fave plushie line) has a plush of their favorite animal#(they do btw. its a barn owl.)#(also ive discovered that the only barn owl that Squishmallow makes - at least that I could find - just happens to be in his favorite color#the gift giving love language really pops out fr 😭😭#which is kinda strange bc I’ve usually thought of gift giving as my least fave love language bc it stresses the shit out of me on holidays#but apparently when it’s A) with friends and not with family and B) primarily just in my head and not on a deadline#then I’m actually kind of obsessed with it lmao#I just… I like Matching Things. I like mentally collecting Stuff That Makes Me Think Of Them#something ab making a mental list of subjects and colors they like and then hunting down little objects that are related to those things#itches my brain soooooo good#chatting tag
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I'M BEEN OVERTHINKING THIS FOREVER I just wanted to say I'm sorry if anyone thinks anyone is love letters is ooc like I know I put that as a warning and stuff but I just worry about it so much 😔 I'm definitely going to be trying to consume a lot more suna media and rewatch the inarizaki match I've just been busy but really wanted to write intros!!! I PROMISE YN IS NOT SUNA'S ENTIRE PERSONALITY 🙏
#been so worried about that#i promise promise promise#if anyone was curious wtf i mean by the horrors of my past relationships LMAO ik people often hc him as a skater yk which is cool!!#but i once had a thing with a skater boy who also straight up told me he stopped doing drugs for me and then proceeded to cut me off#started doing drugs again AND THEN told me he really liked me and i was like ??? no#idrc if u do drugs or not but apparently i no longer matter enough for u to stop if that was important to u??#so both are topics i lowkey cannot write 😭#spilling my love life in the tags pt. 2#AND THE POINT IS THAT HE COMES COMING INTO MY MIND WRITING LOVE LETTERS AND I DON'T APPRECIATE IT 😐😐#the only good thing is when i write something and i'm like “wow this is really sappy” it's probably something he would've done or said#so ik like a real life person would do it#at his peak he was actually nice but then he drove himself off the cliff#also i'm a cancer#so#yep#just had to get this out bc my overthininking wouldn't leave me alone#ness' brainvomit <3
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dca fixation started last year! happy anniversary, my beloveds 🥰
#2024#sunnydrop#moondrop#sun x self insert#moon x self insert#self ship#equinox eclipse#sundial#moontide#fnaf eclipse#self insert#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#i used to call moon cricket as a pet name but after reading gitm i stopped calling it that :x so katydid (which is still very close lmao)#btw this is going along with the assumption that jack-o-moon was made for fall fest 1969 and also dca's bday being in sept#this isn't ship with eclipse fyi just sunny moon and myself! nox is here for commentary#i can never make set outfits for dial and tide 😭 they have a full wardrobe bc i'm too indecisive good for them ig#i love my girls tho mwah mwah sorry i'm focused on other things rn
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