#which is mostly private and REALLY successful and happy

[themultifanshipper]

With how dominant Ferrari seemed in Austin, you assumed you'd be seeing mostly red for three weeks.

You were very happy to be proven wrong.

Part 6 of One of the Boys

Warnings: smut, threesome, multiple threesomes in fact, six different partners in one fic whew, voyeurism?, brief double penetration, EIFFEL TOWER WITH THE FRENCH MEN Y'ALL, Pierre's canonically massive shlong, oral, shower sex, gaping and also Max having a weird kink at the end idk where that came from

The triple header was intense. In more ways than one.

COTA made you sore.

Well more accurately, Charles and Carlos made you sore after getting a Ferrari 1-2.

They decided to celebrate their success as teammates given that they didn't get such good results very often at the moment.

So they took turns with you.

Imagine getting passed around by your partners while they compete to see who can fuck you better and make you come harder.

They wrote their names on your thighs and put tally marks next to them every time they came inside you, until you were absolutely covered in tally marks and fucked out of your mind.

It was mind numbing, and when they finally let you sleep, the sun was almost up and you had flights to catch.

Luckily all three of you had booked a spot in the same private jet, along with a few other drivers.

Needless to say, they decided to continue the festivities on the jet, much to everyone else' displeasure.

Mexico was looking pretty good once again for Ferrari, but Charles backed out of the celebrations because, and I quote “he had stuff to do”, which left you to the mercy of Carlos and Lando.

The other drivers were hungover, and moody because of the noises coming from the private room at the back where you were getting your already abused cunt stretched by the two cocks that had beat them all in the race.

And mercy is one thing those two did not have.

When they got together it was chaos at the best of times.

But that night they bent you into shapes you didn't know you could manage.

Your favourite part was when they were standing and holding you up.

Carlos held you up by your thighs, keeping them spread with your back to his chest while he buried himself in your ass.

At first Lando was down on his knees, lapping at your drooling cunt while Carlos' balls slapped against his chin every time he thrust into you.

But once he'd quenched his thirst he stood up and slid into your tight heat, the pressure against your walls making you see stars as they bounced you on their cocks.

It was just as exhausting as the week before, the two of them obviously having unreal stamina.

Practice was fine. Sprint quali was… well it was.

You limped around that week, taking it easy and doing your best to recover for Brazil.

Then the sprint happened. It was chaotic and everyone was exhausted given the circumstances, and the hours of waiting under the rain for qualifying to start was not helping the collective mood.

Everyone went to bed equal parts frustrated and relieved that It was happening in the morning.

Qualifying came and went.

The race? Well it was anyone's game really.

No comment.

You bit your nails anxiously as you watched everyone slide off the track and/or crash. Not a single driver was safe from the disastrous track conditions.

Max came to see you during the last red flag.

“I'm going to get that fucking win” he said, holding you in his arms possessively. “I'm going to win this fucking race and then I'll get you all to myself tonight”

“Now now, Max.” you chided “you still have an Alpine to get past, and although I’m sure you will, if Pierre and Esteban both end up on the podium, I am definitely going to give them a reward”

Max scowled, and tried to argue, but you managed to convince him by promising that if he could be a good boy and watch silently, you’d give him his own private reward afterwards.

Besides… your body, your choice. And your boys always respected that.

Well, Max winning the race was a shock to most people, given where he started, but not to you. You knew he would do anything to get what he wanted.

And what he wanted was you.

That much was obvious the moment you opened your door and found him standing there, ready to pounce on you.

“Patience, Max. Let the Frenchmen have their turn” you smirked and led him over to his cuck chair.

You didn’t wait long for the others to arrive, they were just as eager as Max to get things rolling.

Pierre led you to the bed, sitting you down on it while he unbuckled his belt, eager to have your mouth on him.

You salivated at the sight of his cock, of which the rumours couldn't do justice.

You sucked on his tip gently, taking more of him every time his hips bucked involuntarily.

“I've always wanted to know what you'd look like with your mouth around my cock. And fuck- you're amazing”

He tipped his head back in pleasure as he got closer to the edge surprisingly quickly.

Esteban was behind him, slowly getting undressed while smirking at Max, who was still waiting patiently in the chair, with an obvious tent in his pants.

You were pulled off Pierre's cock by Este' hand in your hair and you heaved in a breath of air.

Pierre helped undress you and got you on all fours between them.

“Have you ever been to Paris?”  Pierre whispered from behind while he was draped over your body, and Esteban chuckled.

You let out a huff as he inserted two fingers inside your embarrassingly wet cunt.

“If that's a joke about the Eiffel tower, don't bother Pierre, I've heard it all before”

Pierre added a third finger before responding.

“Then let me tell you that we will not go easy on you…”

His thick digits were stroking the deepest parts of you, and you could feel yourself slowly losing the ability to speak.

Before long, Pierre was rubbing himself against you and you squirmed as he brushed over your still slightly sore clit.

When he pushed the tip in you knew you were a goner.

It was already stretching you out and he barely had an inch inside you.

Slowly he fit his entire length inside you and stayed like that as he felt your walls pulsing around him.

“Jesus” you choked out “You're so deep…”

Pierre chuckled evilly and rolled his hips as you shuddered with the pleasure of the intense stretch.

Esteban brought your chin up to look at him and he rubbed his tip over your lips, the taste of his precum hitting your senses and you moaned, opening your mouth so he could slide his own cock in.

Contrary to Pierre's words from before, they were being extremely gentle with you. Esteban was careful not to choke you and Pierre's languid thrusts were slow and deliberate, and were driving you utterly insane with need.

As your orgasm crept up on you, you started rocking back and forth between the two Frenchmen, whining desperately as your body started shaking.

“Look at you.. so desperate for cock” Esteban cooed while he stroked your cheek tenderly.

“I can feel you clenching around me baby, I know you're close, you can let go for me” Pierre said and you did just that, creaming around him while his thrusts got sloppier and sloppier as he approached his own orgasm.

Max was not having a good time.

Well, that's half a lie, he was scowling angrily at the others, but his hand was squeezing his cock through his pants, which were becoming unbearably tight at the moment.

He’d never seen Esteban or Pierre in action, but he had to admit you looked very good between them, and they were obviously very good at reading your body despite having had little to no experience with you.

Pierre slid out of you gently and the sound was obscene as your abused cunt struggled to keep him inside.

He fisted his cock hard and fast over you, staring at your twitching hole with an intensity that made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“My god, I really stretched you out, you’re gaping” he groaned, and came in spurts all over your thighs and puffy, quivering mess of a cunt.

Esteban came in your mouth shortly after, cursing in French and muttering something about your mouth being absolute heaven.

Pierre dragged a couple of fingers through the mess, and brought them to your lips, which you eagerly parted to suck on the mix of his and your cum.

“Fucking hell… such a good girl” he glanced over at Max “I could do this all night… but I think Max might actually kill us if we stay much longer”

You glanced at the man in the corner, and he indeed looked like he wanted nothing more than to kick the other two out.

You giggled at him softly and beckoned him over while Pierre and Esteban got dressed.

He sat next to you, putting a warm hand on your thigh and asked if you were alright.

“Absolutely” you winked at the two men behind him then pulled Max in for a heated kiss.

“I don’t know about you, but I need a shower now. Join me?” you asked cheekily, getting up to give the Frenchmen a goodbye kiss each, while they ogled your naked body.

“Beautiful as always” Esteban smiled and Pierre rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, she’s a goddess, now let’s go before we get our necks broken”

You laughed as they walked over to the door, sending you flying kisses before disappearing through it.

Within a second of it being shut, Max’s body pressed against yours from behind.

“Why don’t I help you clean up, hmm?”

You turned around in his arms and grinned up at him.

“With pleasure”

What followed was possibly the softest sex you’d ever had.

Max lathered you up, washing all the cum and sweat off your body before turning you around against the glass door and pressing you against it.

“I need you so bad, schat” he groaned as you spread your legs and arched your back towards him.

“Then have me Max, I’m all yours”

He moaned as he slipped inside you with barely any resistance.

“Fuck! Pierre was right, you’re so loose…”

Despite all the negative connotations around being loose down there, Max seemed to find it incredibly hot as he whined into the back of your neck.

He thrusted in and out of you slowly as his hips shook with the effort of holding himself back from pounding into you with all his might. The last thing he wanted was to hurt you.

“I’m not- fuck, I’m not going to last long schat… this is so…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, instead using his remaining brain power to slide a hand down your body to circle your clit with mind blowing precision.

“Max, fuck-” you panted, the angle of his hips making his cock rub against that spot that left you breathless every single time. He knew your body like none of the other drivers ever could.

You both came together, panting against the glass and moaning as he filled you up to the brim, only for his cum to leak out of you immediately with how stretched out you were.

Max tried pushing it back in with his fingers but he groaned when he realised he could slip four of them inside easily.

“Give me a minute and I can go again, my god…” he sounded out of breath.

“Maaax…” you huffed “I don’t think I can come again after that”

He laughed and pulled his hand away “I know sweetheart, I was joking” he kissed the back of your neck sweetly before turning the water off and getting out to grab a towel for you.

You both dried off quickly and slipped into bed, curled up in each other’s arms contentedly.

Neither of you said much, until you were half unconscious and Max muttered the most unhinged sentence ever.

“Do you think next time I win, I could try getting my whole fist inside you?”

“Jesus Christ Max! You need to warn me before you say things like that” you gasped as you slapped his chest lightly.

“You didn’t answer my question” he reiterated once you’d settled back down in his arms.

You sighed.

“Go to sleep, Max. We can discuss your next prize if and when you win again”

Max huffed out a laugh and tightened his hold around your body.

“Brat”

[uyuforu]

Predicting Weddings Timing for Celebrities with Astrology

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Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Guessing when you'll marry with Astrology

જ⁀➴ Planets and their Rulers

જ⁀➴ Where to calculate your planets returns

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₊˚⊹ ᰔ Selena Gomez has her Descendant in Aquarius, so ruled traditionally by Saturn. Saturn is in her own 7H, indicating she could start to get married after her Saturn Return. Yet, this is an indicator of marrying "late". Her Saturn return already happened and it was in 2022. Yet, her Jupiter, which represents the husband, is in Virgo, and often a Jupiter return can indicate happy timing for marriages, and sometimes also meeting of the FS. The next time it will return for her it is in 2027. Now, checking her Solar Returns, this year she got engaged and it was indeed something I saw coming. Yet, she could in 2025 to 2026 have some difficulties in her love life, things can get hard sometimes, I think the engagement will be long, or at least there will be some hardships the next few years. Yet, checking her Solar Return in 2027 just SCREAMS wedding to me. The beautiful 7H stellium with Sun, Venus, Mercury, Briede, moreover 7H Ruler is in 7H, and it is her Jupiter return!! In this case, Solar Return 2027-2028 could be the time she can get married.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Jennie (BLACKPINK) has Gemini 7H, so ruled by Mercury, this could be an indicator of marrying young, but her 7H Ruler is in her 2H, and conjunct Saturn, which also happens to be her 2H Ruler. This is an indicator of marrying on or after her Saturn Return. Which happens around 2025. Looking at her Solar Return, there MAY have been a proposal already, perhaps either happened or will happen, yet idk if it will come out or not, or if it'd actually true. Be careful with this, yet, if she does get marry, her Solar Return of 2026-2027 to me is the most obvious. It's around her Saturn Return, and in this SRC, she has 5H and 7H rulers both in 10H. Her 10H has Sun, Venus, Pluto, Mars AND Mercury. This is an indicator of a big success in career, but also a huge change in identity, mostly that Pluto conjunct the Sun there. The rulers of the romance houses are all there, and her 1H Ruler is also there, meaning there is a change of identity and it is also related to her romance. Yet, the ruler of the 10H is in 12H, this may be hidden from the public. It may not be 100% true, this is just for entertainment, so take it lightly.

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₊˚⊹ ᰔ Mingyu (SEVENTEEN) has Sagittarius 7H, so ruled by Jupiter. I also wanna add that he has Sun conjunct Saturn, and Venus conjunct Saturn, so usually this indicates a delay in marriage, he can again get married after his Saturn return or during. His Saturn return is in 2026. He also has his 11H and Venus both ruled by Mars. Mars is a planet that often comes as a return, and here are the next year for his returns: 2025, 2027, 2028. Now, when we look at the solar returns, I wanna say that there are chances he could go public in his solar return 2025-2026 with someone, he may say he is with someone and it can be public. As for the timing of a wedding, I wanna say the one that really caught my attention is during his SRC 2027-2028. He has a 7H stellium with Juno, Moon, Neptune, Mercury, and 7H Ruler is in 7H. This looks pretty good and moreover he has a Mars return, which seems important for those indicators.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Zendaya has her 7H ruled by Sun. She also has her 2H and 11H ruled by Jupiter both. Yet, her Jupiter is itself ruled by Saturn, and she has a Saturn return in 2026. Now looking at her Solar Returns, which are very important here since her 7H is ruled by the Sun, we can see that this current SRC, something big can happen in her love life, and I have said it before. So we will see how the rest of her SRC can develop. Yet this doesn't seem to be the year of wedding. But looking at the next Solar Return, 2025-2026, she has big indicators of getting married. She has her natal rising as her src rising, so the Sun is in the 7H, Vertex, mercury too, and 7H Ruler is in 7H. She also has Scorpio 10H, and Pluto conjunct Rising. Change in her identity and something big happening in her love life. It is also her Saturn return, so it could make even more sense.

Thank you for reading!

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[totaly-obsessed]

hiii! i love ur work so much!!!! i was wondering if i can request a kcc fic where she gets jealous hehehehehehe

Favorites

Kyra Cooney-Cross x reader request

-> Kyra finds out that she is not the favorite aunt or girlfriend

-> Hope you like it Anon, even though you probably meant a different jealousy haha

➳ Masterlist

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

The national break was always a welcome break from the daily club life, even if the World Cup was not that long ago. You had arrived together with the other Matilda’s that played in England. The plane journey was a long one, but one most of you were accustomed to by now.

Your plan for it? Sleeping. As much as you could. Trainers and mostly everybody you knew tried to tell you that it was bad, but you didn’t really listen – the want to sleep much too big.

Sam, your club teammate sat next to you, anxiously chewing her nails for most of the trip as she was one of the worst fliers you knew. Your captain was always thankful to sit next to you, as you calmed her down with your deep sleep and not a care in the world.

The two seats across from you were occupied by Mary and Kyra who were playing cards, bored out of their minds. Eventually, it was the new Arsenal signing who kicked your feet to wake you. “Huh? Are we there yet?” The two started laughing at your startled face and at how fast you had sat up in your seat. “No, still a while out. You’re playing cards with us.”

It wasn’t a question, Kyra knew that you would just roll your eyes and close them again, desperate for sleep. But she also knew that even you couldn’t resist her puppy eyes, so she batted her lashes at you, knowing that you would cave in.

The two of you had been dating for over a year now. Her joining Arsenal had been the best thing ever – you finally moved in together, which was quite hard with the midfielder playing in Sweden before. Even with the both of you on rival London teams, it was the best thing ever.

When in public Kyra might seem like the excited, touchy one when in private it was you who would simply refuse to let the brunette go, cuddling as close to her as you could. So whipped as you are, you played cards with them and even managed to get Sam to play as well.

“Man, I can’t wait to see Harps again. She grows so quickly.” This has been Kyra’s first time being away for such a long time from the toddler since meeting her. The two-year-old quickly found her way into all the Matilda’s hearts, helping the team relax after a long day, her gleeful giggles sounding through the halls of the facility. “Me neither, maybe she finally decides to be a striker.” Sam was back to consciousness, always happy to talk about the youngest team member – also distracting herself from flying. None of you could help but laugh, knowing that if little Harper decided to be a footballer one day, she would follow in her mother’s footsteps and become a midfielder.

The rest of the journey was long and hard, you were just happy to have Kyra at your side, knowing that you didn’t need to talk, the brunette filling the silence all by herself.

When the group of you arrived at the team hotel it was already late in the day but most of the Tillies that roamed the halls were excited to see each other again after a very successful World Cup. “Auntie Y/N!” A small body made its way through the sea of players, crashing into your open arms as you couched down, ready to hug her. “Harps!” Giggles filled the room as you threw her up in the air and caught her again.

You could feel Katrina’s watchful eyes on you but the short midfielder was never worried when Harper was with you. With Charlie and Kyra? Panic. But once you joined them? Everything was alright. It wasn’t like you were more mature, but the way you carried yourself; serious and careful when needed but you also knew how to have fun – the perfect combination.

“Harper look, Kyra’s here too!” Your girlfriend tried to get the girl's attention but she was much too busy playing with your hair, telling you the story of how her favorite stuffy had found its way to Australia. “Babe, I’ll go make out with Charls, yeah?” When you didn’t even react, the midfielder scoffed offended.

She just got replaced by a two-year-old.

Kyra didn’t know who she envied more. You for being Harper's favorite auntie, or Harper for having all your attention when in the same room.

Once back on the ground, the toddler grabbed your hand, swiftly pulling you out to a field, commanding you to grab a ball. The rest of the Matildas watched in awe as their very stoic teammate turned to mush once the tiny blonde shouted “Again!” signaling you to roll the ball to her so that she could kick it back.

“My girlfriend just got stolen.” The young Arsenal player’s mouth was wide open as Harper took you from her, in broad daylight. Harper kept pulling you out on the field further and further until you couldn’t hear the teasing anymore – not that you paid it any mind.

“Kyra just got replaced!” It was Mackenzie who started joking at their young teammate's expanse. “I still have an open room, should harper take your bed as well!” But it was Caitlin who caused the brunette to whine in defeat.

Katrina knew that you were up to no good when she saw you crouched on the floor, telling Harper something while pointing at the rest of the Matilda’s at the side of the pitch – a devious smile on your face.

Just a few short moments her daughter ran towards them, as fast as she could, arms wide open an excited smile on her face. “Auntie!” Kyra had now crouched down as well, copying your previous action, opening her arms as the small blonde raced directly toward her.

“C’mere Harps!” But Harper had a different plan, throwing herself on the ground as she army-crawled through the midfielder's legs – jumping into Alanna’s strong arms, who stood directly behind Kyra. The crowd erupted in laughter, as you made your way back to them, a sly smirk still on your lips, seeing your girlfriend's very prominent pout as Sam patted her back. “Not the favorite girlfriend, not the favorite aunt – Man, that’s gotta hurt."

[scarletrosesstuff]

Younger Woman

John Price x Younger!Fem!Reader

Summary: Soap was casually scrolling through Instagram and saw a video posted with someone he thought he recognised. .

Warnings: Age gap (Reader is 18+), swearing, fluff & tattooed Price.

No one knew anything about Price's private life. He never spoke of anything outside of work. They all questioned him, about his life, his sex life and his family life. But he never gave anything away.

He didn't see the point, you were his. He wanted his work life and private life separate. He loved you and wanted to keep you safe from anything to do with his other life.

The only two people who knew about you were Laswell and Nik. He trusted them the most, but also you were his emergency contact in case anything were to happen to him.

They both were a little sceptical with you at the start seeing how much younger you were compared to Price. They worried you were only in the relationship for money and military benefits. But that wasn't the case, they saw how you looked at each other with so much love and care they quickly forgot about their initial thoughts.

They promised Price they'd never mention you in front of anyone, not even his own squad. He felt bad for not sharing but he just wasn't ready for that part of his life to be so open.

But what Price didn't think would happen, happened.

Before you even met Price you had an influencer lifestyle, you made videos of yourself baking, and general lifestyle content. John didn't see an issue with it, he was impressed you had a successful career at such a young age.

The only thing John wouldn't allow was his face to be on camera. You promised you wouldn't but checked it was okay you could film without his face which he agreed. And it had worked until a video you posted while he was away on a mission.

He saw the notification and smiled. He opened it up to see that it was a compilation of your holiday in Italy. It was mostly of you that he filmed or you had filmed but the clip caught his attention. He didn't worry, he smiled seeing you lay on his chest in the sun. You looked so happy and relaxed as you placed a soft kiss against his chest.

He felt a boost of pride that it was only him who made you feel like that. He casually went to the comments seeing people complementing you and him being such a cute couple. But then saw a familiar name comment on the video.

It was Soap tagging Gaz and Ghost in the comments with a caption saying. 'That tattoo looks a lot like Prices.' Price froze as he watched the video again seeing the videos of him without his face but his tattoos on full show. He started to panic, he knew it wasn't your fault but he knew you should have been more careful.

John started to think of ways to hide it when he heard a knock on his office door. "Yeah!" He shouted as Soap let himself in with a smirk. "What is it you want?"

"Not much just wanted to check in."

"Really?" John said frowning. He folded his arms up against his chest. "Why is that?"

"Not much… How was your break?" Soap asked casually seeing opposite Price. He crossed his legs up against the desk.

"Fine." He grunted out.

"Go anywhere nice, you looked like you caught a tan?"

"As i matter of fact I did."

"Italy by chance?" Soap asked smirking as Price sighed pinching the bridge of his nose to calm himself.

"Yep." He gave him a one-word answer.

"It looked nice. She's quite young."

"What?"

"The lass in the video is a bit young for you."

"It's none of your business." He smirked liking the fact that he had you in his life. He felt so young around you.

"You dirty dog!" Soap laughed seeing the smirk on John's face. "How long have you been keeping this private?"

"About a year."

"I have so many questions. First of all, how did you meet her?"

"She moved in next to me, and I helped her move in."

"Nice. And also when can we meet this girl?"

"Never."

"What?! Why?!" Soap felt a little offended.

"I don't want you scaring her away."

"If anyone is to scare her away it would be Ghost, not me."

"Well, we'll never find out because you'll never meet her." Just as he said that the phone rang. Your face lit up his screen. Soap quickly took it away from him and answered the phone.

"Hello Lass." He shouted down the finally.

"Erm… Hi, is John there?" You asked confused with the voice who answered.

"I'll it on pass to lover boy." Price snatched the phone out of his hand and pointed towards his door. "Fuck off." Soap put his hands up in defence.

"Alright am going. But am being serious Price, Good on ya for getting that lass." He said before leaving. Price softly smiled when he heard your voice speak to him.

"Hi love, sorry about that."

[bambi-kinos]

Would you like to answer a few questions about you opinions about Paul. Peoples read him very different and of course as a human he too has good and bad sides. What are the things that stands out to you the most: pros and cons besides being icon and music genius. Not from beatle historians or anyone else's opinions just your personal views? In the Beatles, pre and post Beatles. How do you view him today vs from decades ago? (Don't know how long you've been a fan) do you think he's mostly happy or sad in private. I'm asking you this because to me you seem like the one on line blogger that seem to "get him". Also would you say that you are attracted to him? Have you seen him live? What are you favourite songs by him both as a Beatle and beyond. I'm a super-Paul-stan fan and proud of it and nothing you say can change my own opinions of Paul but because nobody is perfect. Ok I'll let you go now.

Had to think about this one for a couple of weeks.

My opinion about Paul is that most of positive and negative feelings towards him are earned. He deserves the reverence but sometimes people take it too far like when his stepsister Ruth called him a god with feet of clay or whatever lmao. That kind of behavior is incredibly cringe and its very embarrassing that people can talk that way about Paul. But I think that he's busted his ass for over 60 years so truthfully he's earned the accolades and praise that he gets. There are some people that get really pissy and mad that he's revered so much and the only thing that we can say to them is "get a fucking life." Paul McCartney has been working his shapely ass off for decades to get where he is and is still slamming out music at in his fucking 80s. When you accomplish half as much as he has than you can think about whining that he's too revered and too worshipped.

On the other hand Paul has done a good job of earning all the negative emotions directed at him. He's egotistical and isn't graceful about wearing that praise. He tries to pretend he doesn't care but it's so transparent and see through that it's actively irritating, I think it's this more than anything that can get people to bitch. There is a phony veneer to Paul where he's clearly doing a bit of some sort and it's aggravating because it's not entirely clear what the bit actually is. Like all the posts making fun of him for pretending to be """normal""" are not coming out of no where, it's real aggravation that he's worked his whole life to get where he is and he tries to go "heehee I don't actually want it I'm just a guy like you <3~" like cmon dude really. For fuck's sake.

When it comes to Paul himself, my take on him, idk. I identify with Paul heavily. I like to think I'm more aggressive than he is but who actually fucking knows. I went through a life changing trauma at a similar age. (I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was eleven years old which is the insulin dependent diabetes that you hear about a lot on social media. BTW if anyone else has diabetes type 1 or 2 I'm available to talk, my dad and my partner are both type 2 and I know a lot about both.) I can identify with how your life is heavily bifurcated between Before and After. I also identify with how Paul really struggles to come to grips with his family life, while it's clear Jim and Mary did love him a lot they also simply were not stellar parents and a lot of their success with Paul and Mike lies in the fact that they gave their sons a steady home life without chaotic disruptions more than that they navigated the trials of parenthood well. I identify with that as well because diabetes makes my life very chaotic, and my parents did work to smooth those things over; but on the other hand my folks also had nasty and ugly moments with me just like Jim did with Paul. So I know what its like to love your parent immensely and be loved by them and still have a deeply resentful and distrustful relationship with them. And I never had a John Lennon in the mix to disrupt things.

I think it left me and Paul in similar places though our birth order is reversed with him being the oldest and me being the youngest. I realized a long time ago that I was completely on my own in terms of my diabetes and the rest of my life (my mother made some treatment decisions about my diabetes that nearly killed me a few times before I took control of it completely.) A parent can love you immensely, try to do everything right, and still damage you profoundly. With Paul having to endure physical blows and attempted emotional manipulation from his father, I think he too realized that he was totally on his own and that Jim could not give Paul what he needed. That is why Paul has such a strong self preservation instinct and why he comes off as two faced and why MLH remarked that he did not want to be in a dark alley with Paul if Paul did not like him. I've had to do some nasty things for self preservation and I think Paul has had to do it too. Some of them we know about but the majority we never will.

I think that it's hard to be the first born or the last born kid. You get so much of your parents attention but they screw you up in so many ways. I know middle children tend to feel ignored but I'm going to tell you right now, you're being shielded from a lot because you're not getting the Eye of Morder trained on you. Maybe we should all be thankful for what we have, idk. I have a lot more in common with my oldest sister than any of my middle siblings.

Paul is ruthlessly out for himself. I think John dying actually changed that a bit, it made him somewhat less vindictive and he was more open to letting people in but he's never not going to protect himself first. Or else he wouldn't have married Nancy in the first place, Nancy's first cousin was Barbara Walters and through Nancy Paul has a direct line to the news media which means he has yet one more string of influence so that he can control his public image. Nancy and Paul like each other a lot and their relationship is sincere, but Paul also benefits greatly by it. Do you see how this goes with him lol, he can invest in sincere relationships (and to be clear he does love Nancy) while still benefitting from it materially and immaterially. Note that a lot of the negative stuff about Paul started fading out of the press after he married Nancy.

Other fans often think I'm being negative and hateful about Paul when I point out that he is a manipulator and that he has a ruthless streak in him but that can't be farther from the truth. I sincerely admire Paul's ability to arrange his life in such a way that he is safe from most tangible threats and that he has such a way of moving chess pieces so that his hand isn't visible. I find that a great deal more admirable and amazing than John's bluntforce "let me squawk like a chicken to a reporter and they'll shit on Paul for me because I took a photo with them" thing. John was very blunt and clumsy with his sledgehammer and that did get results but I think that Paul is a great deal more artistic and beautiful with his media manipulation. The fact that he can carefully line up his pieces, get the results he wants, and then his influence is never seen (unless you extrapolate your way backwards from the results) is, to me, a great deal more elegant and sophisticated than the Lennono approach to bloviating during interviews.

Paul learned this during the initial Beatlemania rush when he had scads of heterosexual men all on their hands and knees begging him to let them fuck him. He does things exclusively through dangling something people want in front of them and then lets them take a course of action that suits him. And despite the fact that he is the architect of these movements you can never trace anything back to him because he does everything through influence and suggestion, not by out and out coercion or bribery. It's actually kind of incredible. Last week my friend remarked "I think Paul could pull off a bank heist and never get caught" and she's right.

That's what I admire about Paul. That is what I think is beautiful about him. Not necessarily the music or the lyrics or the insane life. Just the fact that he is a very patient and careful human being that doesn't lose his cool easily. I want to know more about him because I want that, you know? Being able to control facets of my life with that much care and harmony.

But that wasn't always the case. Paul was very clumsy during the 1970s because he let his feelings rule him when he should have crushed John like a bug. It wasn't until after John died that Paul started building the fortress, that was when he finally realized "oh shit, I need to build a persona for PR. I can't just be me anymore." Wings Paul is in some ways the most honest Paul, he vomits his feelings everywhere and we get a lot of insights into his mind and home life. That was before he had formed his own network of influence and political chicanry. 1980s Paul is when he's investing in that network finally and then 1990s Paul is when he started putting it into motion culminating in the divorce with Heather Mills. All in all I find it fascinating that Paul was not able to pull these disparate parts of himself together until he was in his 40s and Linda died. What is to be done with such a man?

I think that Paul has always had disparate parts of himself that he hasn't been able to reconcile. This is of course not unusual, it is the work of our lifetimes that we must see, accept, and internalize our contradictory natures. It's Paul's bad luck that he has to do this all in the public eye. No one envies him that. It's hell on earth and my heart breaks for him sometimes.

When it comes to Paul's moods in private, I think he is more or less "happy." Paul himself has said that he doesn't overthink his actions, he just decides what he wants to do and does it and whether it pans out or not is a different matter. I think that he's the kind of person that doesn't ruminate and he doesn't overthink what he's doing. And if he does do that then he goes to his guitar and does the "tell it all my problems" thing which is actually music therapy. It clearly helps him a lot and it clears his head so that he can keep his problems in perspective. I do that with journaling and my common place book, and I should do it more. It clearly helps Paul which is a good habit to have. All in all during his day to day life, Paul is happy and accomplished and has a big family with lots of grandchildren. Clearly loves Beatrice to bits and would do anything for her. The fact that we never hear anything bad about Beatrice is proof that she inherited all the right things from Paul lmao, she knows better than to get in trouble. Interestingly I think Beatrice is Paul's mini-me and considering Heather Mills is the same kind of personality as John Lennon, it makes me think that John and Paul having children together would actually have worked out very well for them.

On the other hand we know that Paul carries his share of anger and bitterness and old grudges. "No one knows the real me, do they." We're lucky that we live in a time where we can be relatively open about our personalities as well as our wants and needs. Paul did not grow up with such privileges and is only just recently starting to feel his way to the place we have inhabited our entire lives. He's suffered greatly for it. He's a naturally reticent person but I think John Lennon is the only person in the world Paul could fully express himself with; even Linda did not get full access to Paul considering comments made by others about Paul's controlling nature which belies anxiety. Why was Paul anxious around Linda, his soul mate? Because there were still parts of himself he didn't want her to know. And so on.

I think that in some ways Paul's lack of rumination and cheeriness is a choice that he's made for himself. He's been "tired" of negativity and hurtfulness for pretty much his entire life, he's always wanted to bring light into the world. John once said that Yoko painting "yes" on the ceiling of her exhibit was what he liked about her because it was positive, unlike the self absorbed 'woe is me' bullshit exhibits other avante garde people put up. I think John was attracted to Paul for similar reasons. Paul tries to take the sad song and make it better. Paul transformed John's life and he saved John from a much harder and painful path like the common belief that John would have landed himself in prison if he hadn't met Paul. I don't think it would have happened precisely that way but it was certainly a distinct possibility that John was aware of and he knew that Paul saved him from it.

Paul does it for himself as much as anyone else. I think he's actively trying to avoid the traps that many of us fall into. Rumination, bitterness, regrets. These are things that poison a person's life and even without therapeutic language Paul realized that he didn't want his life to be consumed by it. That doesn't mean he doesn't have his well of pain to tap into but he wants to live and be happy. He said once that John wouldn't want him to be hurt and depressed and he was right. I think if we all approached our lives with that kind of attitude, "I deserve to be happy and I'm going to do what it takes to get there," we would all be much better off. Paul is a role model in more ways than one.

Paul is a sport, a one off. There is no one else like him and when he dies there will never be anyone like him ever again. Treasure him now while he is here.

I have never seen him perform. When he has his next US tour then I'll go, I don't care what it costs.

Am I attracted to him: yes and yes. I find it more like an aspirational attractiveness but I think he's intensely beautiful and he became more beautiful as he aged (though there is something very special and breedable about 22 year old Paul McCartney. It's deeply depressing that he never got pregnant.) That's different from being handsome, all of the Beatles were handsome but Paul is intensely beautiful. It's the kind of thing that gets memorialized in Sumarian poems. If we were told he was descended from swan maidens or something like that, it would not be a shock. There's a story in that somewhere lol, imagine Paul bathing in a lake and John steals his feathered coat so that Paul will marry him or something like that. IDK. Paul is very intense.

Beauty is sovereign. Beauty triumphs over all things. Paul is one of those rare people that handles (almost) all of his affairs adroitly. Every little thing he does is magic.

I'm a big fan of all of Paul's work, I genuinely enjoy London Town for instance and I don't get why some circles make fun of it. Synth owns what is the problem here. Some of my favorite Paul songs:

With a Little Luck

Probably my favorite "John, I love you, I'm sorry, please come home" song. It's just very Paul, the very carefully arranged harmony, the minor key in an upbeat tempo, with the almost mismatched lyrics before Paul brings it back to a major key resolution. It makes me want to find my partner and kiss them on their lower lip. (My partner has a very pouty lower lip, easily one of their best features.)

Let 'em In

I have an entire animated music video in my head about this song. I've actually been looking up how to teach myself art because I want to pursue it. First learning to draw, then learning to animate and all because I want to animate this sequence I have in my head. Oh Paul. I adore you.

Rock Show

This one actually made me stand up and dance around my house which never happens anymore. I just love the energy and Paul's silly voices. And Paul's platonic fascination with axe wielders rears its head again! I wonder if Paul ever fantasized about killing people with an axe.

Another Day

This is the anthem of my life lmao. At least I have a romantic partner but we're long distance until I can emigrate to the United Kingdom so again I identify very heavily with this Paul piece. Ahhh…

When it comes to Paul's Beatle work, I don't really want to reference anything there because Beatles music was such a community effort, even Paul's songs aren't fully his once the other three got their hands on it. That's not a bad thing but it does mean the Beatles were an engine unto themselves. Paul never had full control of his songs. My choices are not particularly enlightened but they are true which is all I can provide.

This was a really great ask to get, thank you for sending it in. Very flattered if I'm someone who "gets" Paul. I think it's more like he makes a lot of sense to me and it's very rare that he does something that does not make sense to me. I'm probably projecting a lot but we all do that so who cares?

[loverslodge]

foolish ones

summery: can your love love you back?

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warning: self-harm, blood loss, fist fight major angst, fluff, smut, happy ending

A/N: if you like sharon, sorry for the slander. also, this is my first smut with baby boy so please indulge. i have hots for him but i was suffering through my own mental health when i wrote this. also i was so close to changing ending but refrained because i love my baby boy a lot.

It broke her heart. She thinks everyone around her heard it break. All but one. Sharon had her arms around Captain America and they were kissing with what looked like passion. She knew she wasn't good enough for him but seeing him with her hurt her more than she had thought.

She didn't tell anyone about her love for her teammate. What was there to tell when everyone could see her cheeks turn pink every time he talked to her and her eyes twinkle every time he walked in the room. She always tried to keep her distance though. She did not want to seem clingy to Steve. Even when she would not be in a good mood, she would see Steve and her eyes would twinkle with momentary happiness. She never really showed her vulnerability to him. She didn't want him to think she was powerless. She knew of his history. She knew he had always loved Peggy, mostly because she was a powerful woman. She would often feel a pang in her heart when she saw him with Natasha because she saw a potential there. But she had convinced herself that no matter what, she would be happy for him.

She never had a successful track record of relationships. She dated because the men liked her and not the other way around. She never dated anyone she liked because she would always be rejected by them. They would stop talking to her or ignore her or cut her off without telling her why. She expected the same from Rogers so she never confessed. She had many opportunities. She dropped hints though. Which was picked up by everyone on the team but Steve. You saw girls flirt with him, you saw him come back in the mornings after his dates. But you were always happy to see him, always there for him, always the woman behind the big curtain of Steve’s life.

Wanda and Natasha always helped distract you. So did Sam, Tony, Bruce, Clint and Bucky. Especially Bucky. Even Thor and Loki but Bucky was always there to catch your heartbreaking expressions. He always cheered you up when he would see shed or unshed tears over Steve. You did not like going to clubs a lot but at times, you would accompany the team to let loose. Your eyes always followed Steve. It would break you to see him others but Natasha would always try to block your view of him and offer you your favourite wine.

You could not cut him off, no matter how hard you tried. Mostly because you were the one he got vulnerable with, other than Natasha, Bucky and Tony. he would ask your advice on how to date women, what to reply to their flirty texts or even what would be good food for each particular woman he went out with. One day, you did it. You mustered up courage to tell Steve how you felt.

“Hey Steve, can I talk to you, privately?”

You were in the kitchen where Natasha, Wanda, Vision, Bucky and Sam were having breakfast with him. All of them looked at you with surprised eyes. They did not expect you to confess, especially when they thought you were joking last night. It was a movie night in the compound yesterday and everyone but Steve were present. He had a mystery date. During the rom-com, a discussion of love confessions began. Everyone talked about their way of confessing and then it was your turn. They all looked at you.

“I would just walk up to the guy and tell him I like him. I would also tell him that he needs to feel no pressure to like me back. I just had a feeling I needed to get out and it is now out. I hope this does not disturb our dynamics.”

They knew that is exactly what you'll say because these words sounded rehearsed. They kind of were. You had run these words in your mind over and over again to make them sound as much less pressured as possible. And when you woke up that day, you wanted them out. You wanted to say them to Steve out loud. You went with zero expectations because if you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed. But you were expecting something here, with Steve. Your dynamics with Steve was different, there was a love you had sensed in his gentle touches, his laughter with you and especially his way of standing very close to you.

“I like you, Steve.” You immediately let it out, as soon as you close the door of your room behind you.

“I like you too, y/n.” he chuckles. “What is it?”

“No no. Not like a friend. I like you. More than friends. I have been, for a while. I, uh, wanted to get it out of the way. I really do like you a lot but that doesnt mean I am asking for any commitment from you. I just, the feelings are strong and I needed to say it out loud. I just hope this, my so-called confession, does not change the dynamics between us. I like what we are now and I don't want you to feel any pressure. It was a statement, I wanted to let you know.”

You didn't realize you had run out of breath, or you were holding it in. you were looking at Steve, taking in his expressions. They went from furrowed eyebrows to a stoic face to relief after your last statement.

“Oh good! I thought our friendship would be affected. You are such a dear friend to me and I don't want to lose that. Also, your advice with girls has been working wonders for me.” He hugs you. The hug might be warming your body but the pang in your heart is making the surrounding colder. “And I have been meaning to share a big news with you. I was going to tell everyone but I wanted to tell you this first. Sharon and I are finally going out together. Yesterday, it was her I went out with. The date went amazing and maybe I'll ask her to be my girlfriend. Your advice to approach her worked so well!”

Today, seeing them together, arm in arm, killed you inside. He proposed to her. He still called you a dear friend. It was a very happy occasion but nobody was happy and Steve was oblivious to it. He had been oblivious to a lot of things but there were things, on the compound, that even his friends tried to tell him, or dropped hints about, about Sharon but he wasn't ready to see them. Sharon was smirking at everyone, especially you. You smiled widely, politely, for Steve. This was the day when your heart was finally crushed and you knew that Steve will never see you for you.

Steve and Sharon weren't even dating that long. What was it? Six months. And then there was this engagement. Steve did not know how badly Sharon had been treating not just you but almost everyone. She kept on reminding and taunting Bucky of his past, she would call Natasha a slutty assassin with zero integrity, she would taunt Wanda about her tortured past and you were favourite victim. She would comment about your weight, make you question your friendship with the rest of the team and explicitly tell you that you were nothing but a joke in Steve’s life.

Bucky was always very close to telling Steve about Sharon’s evil stepmother behaviour but you always stopped him. You did not want Steve to be unhappy. He looked happy after so long, after Peggy. You cried every night though, or sometimes, in the middle of the day. If Steve ever caught you crying, you would blame it on some book you read. But everyone knew why. One day, when you were in the kitchen chopping vegetables, your brain went to a very familiar dark place. If it wasn't for Wanda, you would have used the knife not just for vegetables, again. From that day onwards, somebody would always be around you, hovering. Steve’s girlfriend’s taunts were the final straws to your already affected mental health. Steve did not know about any of this because Sharon would not let him. She had started to stray him away from everyone.

Tony had had it enough. He, very generously, arranged for an engagement party for Rogers and Sharon. The party was going fantastic and everyone was having the time of their lives. Steve and Sharon were smiling, standing arm in arm and greeted every guest. Tony saw everything that went down in his party. He saw Sharon shove you in a corner, he saw Sharon pour her cocktail on your head and he also heard the profanities she spewed about everybody to demean you. She made it a point to show you that you were a nobody and that the team just tolerated you and Steve was just being nice because you had manipulated him. Tony also heard you defend everyone by name, everyone but yourself.

Steve saw you leave. He felt a pang in his heart. He could not ignore you anymore. He had started to see Sharon trying to monopolize his time. He had started to see the team being distant and he also saw them hovering around you, especially when you are around sharp objects. He did see that your hand was wrapped in bandage and everyone in the compound was stressed but Sharon would not let him talk to you. She said you were just trying too hard to be his friend and that he should not give into your whims.

Steve wanted to follow you but Sharon appeared out of nowhere with a wide smile and a fully filled glass of cocktail. He knew this was new because no way did she finish the previous one so fast. Steve looked around and found his team had started to form a circle, the discussion between them looked serious and Tony looked very angry. Pepper was stopping him from doing something and very soon he saw Bucky run towards the elevator. Wanda was looking at Vision who was reassuring her and Natasha dragged Bruce away to a more quiet corner. He saw Hulk trying to take over but Natasha was handling it.

Steve had been feeling pangs every time he saw you. He missed your smile, your giggles and your tiny comments that had him laughing for a long time. He hadn't seen you smile in a long time. Every time now, after announcing his relationship with Sharon, he saw your light dim. He noticed your lack of appetite, he noticed your dull face and he noticed your sad eyes. He also noticed that your eyes would still twinkle, every time he walked in the room but the light left it just as immediately. He hasn't hugged you in a long time. He started to remember how much he was all over you. He loved to hug you, hold your hand and hover over you. He loved when you sat to discuss something together, your foreheads were always touching. He loved how every time, you would nudge his forehead with yours and they would giggle about it. He loved how close he was to you, physically and otherwise. He also missed his friends though. He missed hanging out with everyone.

Sharon had started showing her cracks and Tony had had enough. When Bucky ran after you to make sure you didn't do something stupid, Pepper dragged him away to calm him down. He yelled about how dumb Steve is for a superhero and how he wished he could start the war between them all over again. Pepper was calmly listening to his rant when suddenly she gasped. She saw Steve standing at the door and seeing his expressions, it seemed that he had heard some things that Tony was ranting about. Tony saw Steve and rushed to him, grabbing his collar.

“You are the dumbest person ever. You let a wonderful woman slip to get with a fucking ungrateful bitch. I don't care if she's your fiancee anymore. I will not have her in this compound any longer. If you want to marry her, do it but do not expect anybody to be present for you. She will never step foot in this place. This is a safe space and she ruined it for her. She ruined her peace, her sanity and her heart and so did you. Walk away Rogers before I pull an iron punch.”

Steve was baffled by this. What had happened? What did Sharon do? Was Tony talking about you? Did everyone know you had confessed your feelings for him? It did anger him. He thought that that conversation was between him and you but if everyone knew then it was embarrassing. He started walking in your room’s direction. He wanted answers, until he saw a crowd in front of your room. He saw Sam trying to calm Bucky and Vision was standing at the door, as if waiting for something. His pace slowed. He saw your room open with Wanda all teary eyed. She nodded at Vision and held the door open for him. Bucky wanted to go in but Wanda patted his chest to back off. He saw blood on Wanda’s dress. Were you hurt? Was there an attack?

Steve was approaching the scene slowly. Bruce was the first one to walk out of the door. He looked at everyone and said something in a low voice, so low that all he heard was “increase hovering.” Bruce moved aside and out stepped Vision and Natasha. Even her dress was bloodied. When Bucky turned, he saw his hands were covered in blood and so were his clothes. His eyes were rimmed red from tears. Natasha, too, was crying. Bruce wrapped his arms around her. Natasha’s eyes snapped at him and so did everyone else’s. He walked closer and saw Bucky carrying a bloodied knife. It was your knife. He had seen you rave about a pink handled small knife that made it easier for her to cut things. He would always see you use that whenever you cooked. It was your favourite knife.

Bucky tried to jump on him but Vision held him back. Natasha looked at him and shook her head. “Bruce, please bring my night clothes. I will stay with her tonight.” “So will I.” Wanda said in a very wobbly tone. Vision rubbed her back. Steve was very confused.

“What is going on?” Steve heard Tony come behind him. Natasha pointed her head at the knife and it was as if Tony knew. He wanted to go in your room but Pepper held him back. “Let her rest tonight, dear. We will come by tomorrow. We all are exhausted. Let's end the party downstairs and go to bed.”

Steve was still clueless. He had no idea what happened. If you were attacked then why was Tony not making plans to get revenge? Why were everyone crying and being so calm about it?

“Why is her knife in your hand, Bucky? Why is there blood on your clothes? Somebody tell me what is going with her!” His voice rose. He didn't know he cared so much about you. You weren't a field agent. You were more, staying in the compound and analyzing data kind of agent. You did learn self defense but it obviously was never a skill you ever had to use. The team saw to it. He saw to it.

“Oh now you care! Now you want to ask how she is? Where were you six months ago? Hell, where were you today? Why the fuck are you here now? Why do you care?” Bucky burst out. Steve had never seen Bucky angry at him. Sam shakes his head and pulls Bucky back before he could punch Steve. He saw Bucky throw the knife in the trash and walk away.

“Nat? Wanda? What's wrong, why are you guys crying?”

“It must be because she must've manipulated them, again. She just never learns. I told her to stop using the Avengers as her private butlers so she pulled a stunt. Im sure it was just a ploy to get people to like her. Such a sick bitch. You guys should be-” Sharon’s rants were stopped by a sting on her cheek. Her head turned sideways and an angry hand print left on her cheek.

“Talk about her like that one more time and this wouldn’t end in just a slap. We've had enough of you. Walk out of the door before I throw you off the window.” Natasha coldly points at the elevator. “And you, Steve. Please, we don't want you here. At least, not right now. We are all exhausted. Let's talk tomorrow.” Natasha walks in your room with Wanda behind her. They closed the door before he could see you. But he did catch your glimpse, tucked in bed and eyes closed shut.

Steve could not sleep the entire night. Sharon beside him was no help either. She ranted all the way to her apartment about how the Avengers have fallen and that you were nothing but a pathetic excuse. Something about your sleeping did not sit right with him. After what he saw outside your room, he needed answers. He changed and drove to the compound. It was 5 in the morning and if he remembered correctly, Natasha would have gone combat training and Wanda would have gone to meditate in her room. Which meant you were in your room alone. Or so he thought. Tony had informed F.R.I.D.A.Y to keep an eye on you. So when Natasha and Wanda left your room, they activated FRIDAY who was told to alert any nearest Avenger about any movement in your room. Every Avenger, other than Steve, was on the list of calls. So when Steve opened the door to your room, which was surprisingly unlocked, a call went straight to the nearest Avenger, Bucky.

Steve stepped into your room and was immediately greeted by drips on your bedside. You were fast asleep because of the sedatives Bruce had given you. Your hand was bandaged and the only sound in the room were your soft snores. Steve, still confused, softly went near your hand. He also saw a large bruise on your arm and another bandage wrapped around your head. Why would no one tell him what happened? If you were attacked then why was he not informed. He is your emergency contact, why was he not contacted? Before he could even touch her hand, he felt a hand hold his shirt and drag him out of the room. He was thrown across by his own best friend.

“How dare you come to her room! Do not go near her or I swear I will forget you are my best friend. You have done enough damage. Walk away, Steve.”

“What have I done? I don't even know! What is wrong with her? Why is she so badly hurt? Why was I not informed of the attack in our home?” Steve shouted at Bucky. He saw everyone had started to gather around. He saw Bruce and Vision go into your room and slowly close the door behind them. “Why did they go into her room? She is vulnerable. I am not trusting them with her.” Steve tried to go in but was pushed back by Bucky. He stood in front of the door like a guard.

“What’s going on? I got a FRIDAY alert about y/n. Is she okay?” Both Natasha and Wanda rushed in.

“Bruce and Vision are in there with her. Steve here, was trying to touch her so I dragged him out. He has no right to be here, Nat. tell him to go away.” Bucky looked at him angrily.

“Buck, I know you are protective over her but i dont think Steve knows about any of this. Remember when we found out that Steve never got our texts because Sharon kept on deleting them? She has been doing that to him for so long that he doesn't even know.” Wanda, very slowly rubbed Bucky’s back to calm him.

This was news to Steve. He always trusted people around him too easily. Once he got with Sharon, he had given her all access to his phone. He did not know what she was doing behind his back. “What do you mean by deleting messages? What are you talking about?”

Natasha pulled his hand and took him to the living room. Bucky, Wanda, Sam and Clint followed. Bruce and Vision followed them not soon after. “She is fine. Still under the sedatives. She should be waking up in an hour or two.”

Natasha took Steve’s hand in her own. She looked up and saw a disheveled Tony walk in the living room. “I heard this is the place where we are doing interventions now. I'd like to begin. Rogers-”

“No Tony, I am beginning this. I should tell him in a very calm voice. You, Bucky and Bruce are just going to want to beat him up.” Natasha intervened.

“Steve, did you know that Sharon was manipulating you away from us? Did you know that when we sent you texts about our hangout plans, we either never got replies or we would get rude lengthy texts calling us clingy? Especially Y/N. We always told her to text you because you always listened to her but then she started to grow quieter and slowly she lost her glow, Steve. She thought you cut her off because she confessed to you and-”

“Did she tell you she confessed? Why would she do that? Isn't she embarrassed? Why-” Steve stopped when he saw Bucky trying to come for him again. Tony pulled Bucky down.

“She didn't have to, punk. She has been in love with you for five fucking years, you blind ass punk. The day you announced Sharon to us, we saw her die inside. We knew she was going to confess to you because we kinda forced her to think in that direction. We wanted her to confess to you so you would see you love her too and not Sharon. The only thing she told us was that she was so happy for you, she could die. She” Bucky choked and unshed tears resurfaced. Wanda rubbed his back.

“Steve, she loves you but she never pushed her love on you. She was happy with what she had with you. Do you even know that the way you used to treat her looked like you were her boyfriend. We all thought that your friendship was flourishing but every time you would go on dates, we all were waiting to hold her broken heart. She never let us. Hell, she was struggling with mental health and she never let us know! She looked like her usual self until your engagement broke the final thread that held her. You abandoned her, Steve. She-” Natasha started crying.

Steve did not realize that he had hurt you so bad. He did love you but he saw you were happy being his friend and he saw how much Bucky relied on you, he assumed-. But he shouldn't have. He asked you, a person who loved her, tips on how to impress other women and you gave him all honest answers. You never tried to sabotage his love life. You never did what Sharon is doing. Steve would have done everything he did for other women for you. He could've been engaged to you right now if he hadn't been so blind.

“But why are you crying? What happened to her?” Steve wanted answers now. If she was so in love with him then why didn't she fight for him? Why was she lying there like a dead-

“Steve,” Wanda started in a small voice. “Why would she fight for you when she knew you already were set on someone else? She confessed to you and you still went for Sharon. Why would she fight after that? Did you know she used to self harm? Even when you were her friend, did you even notice the bandaids she had on her hands? If it wasn't for Bucky, we would have lost her a long time ago. Bucky noticed her pulling bandages off of her hand and saw the cuts. He talked to her, she cried and he helped her stop. She was clean for two years until she wasn't. You broke her Steve but what broke her more was Sharon. Did you even know how much she has berated her? She would find a way to get Y/N alone and berate her to no end.”

Wanda took a deep stuttering breath. Vision hugged her tightly and she buried her head in his chest. Tony cleared his throat and continued. “Wanda caught her trying to self harm again after Sharon left the kitchen. If it wasn't for Wanda, we would've lost Y/N that day. Since that day, we all met and decided to never leave her alone. We would not let sharp objects near her for a long time. As soon as she was done with her task, we would take it away. She knew why and never questioned it. Yesterday crossed all limits though, Rogers. You never came to talk to her. You didn't even bother to talk to her and then that psycho bitch did it. She pulled Y/N in a secluded corner and berated not just her but us too. She told her that you were her pet and would do what she wanted. She said she would control you to put Avengers in their right place which was behind the bars or underground. She poured her cocktail on her head, Steve! Her head! She even tried to rip her dress because she was jealous how beautiful she looked! Y/N ran away. I gathered them and told them everything. Bucky ran after her because he knew she would do something again and she did. By the time Bucky reached, it was too late, she had lost a lot of her blood and her bedroom floor was all blood. She had hit her head and hand on her vanity when she fell. Bucky asked FRIDAY for help and that's what you saw last night. Even though I raised protection on her, Natasha and Wanda wanted to stay with her.”

“You have done enough damage, Steve. Please go away. Go back to your Sharon. We have no hard feelings against you but we really don't want Sharon here. You can marry her and retire but do not talk to Y/N ever again. She's had enough.” Bruce chimed in. Everyone nodded. He had not just lost Y/N but also every friend of his. He knew you were sensitive but never thought that you would-

“Please, let me meet her. Once. please. If she tells me to go away, I will walk away. But if she tells me to stay, I will fight for her.” Steve begged and looked at Bucky. He knew Bucky would be the last hurdle to reach to you.

“So you will still marry Sharon after everything you learnt about the evil stepmother. Wow Steve, I never thought you had zero backbone in the relationship. If you want to talk to her, leave Sharon. You have a choice Steve, either pick Sharon or pick Y/N and with Y/N, come us.” Bucky glares at Steve haughtily.

“It's not so simple, Bucky. We made a public announcement. I cannot just take it back. The world knows.”

“It is an engagement. It can be broken. You will let yourself marry a manipulator than be with the woman who makes you happy! Hah! The integrity of America really is as sturdy as you. Listen very carefully, Rogers, you always have a choice but I think Sharon is making all the decisions here. Also, here. Watch this. Maybe you will finally know what woman you are going to marry. Let's go everyone, I want to see if Y/N is fine.” Tony got up and pulled everyone out of the room, leaving Steve with the ipad full of videos of Sharon berating you and you standing tall for your friends. Not yourself, but your friends. Yesterday’s video broke his heart. He could hear his laughter in the background while you were drenched in her cocktail. Tony was right, he had to make the right choice.

You wake up and the first thing you see is Bucky holding your hand. You smiled slightly and Bucky released his breath. “They all want to meet you.” You nodded and everyone poured in. your eyes were glancing around to catch the glimpse of that one person. You saw his head at the very end, outside the door. Bucky knew you wanted Steve to be here but he or anyone else wasn't going to let Steve in till he made a decision and he had hurt you enough for them to become this protective over you.

Steve saw them pour in your room and he just stood outside your door, he caught your eye and that halted his breath. Even in this condition, you were choosing him. Not out loud but he saw the way your eyes were searching for him in the crowd and the way they twinkled, just enough to give him strength to break things off. He wanted to run in your room and shake you and talk sense into you and tell you how sorry he is. He ran.

He drove like a madman back to Sharon’s apartment and started packing as soon as he walked through the door. He hadn't had a chance to shift his stuff from the compound to her place. Sharon just bought him everything new because she said she wanted to build a new life with him. How blind was he? How did he not see what she was trying to do? He heard Sharon yelling for his attention but he was too busy stuffing his clothes in his gym duffle bag that he brought with him. He saw his electronics on Sharon’s side of the bed. He knew she was stalking him through those so he did what any insane, high on adrenaline person would do. He picked those up and smashed them on the floor. He heard Sharon screech like a vulture but he didn't care. He stepped on them many times to destroy every last bit of them. He took off his ring and suddenly, he could breathe clearly. He saw Sharon with disheveled hair, standing in the living room. He threw the ring at her feet and walked out. No explanation.

He drove back to the compound. He saw everyone training. When they saw his car back in the compound, it had been almost 6 in the evening. They all saw him run in the residential area. They knew he was rushing to meet you but they also knew he would not meet her today. Steve rushed to her room but as soon as he opened the door, he saw Bucky standing with his back to the door and mild beeping in the back. His heart sank. Bucky turned around and pushed Steve out of the room.

“Did you not break Sharon’s phone while you were breaking yours?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sharon called. She spewed so much nonsense and called her words. She called her a homewrecker. Y/N broke down and her pressure increased. I called for Bruce but between the blood loss and the agitation, she took a hit and she had to be attached to the heart monitor to make sure she stays calm. Honestly Steve, good decision but you could have handled it better. Now please go. I don't have energy left in me to even punch you.”

All Steve caught was another glimpse of yours and it broke his heart. He had made you suffer so much. You were right there. All along. He lost you. He went back to his room. It still had your lingering faint smell. You loved roses and the last time you were in his room, for a reason, you left a part of you. He looked around. He saw his shirts were neatly hung in the closet and so were his Henley’s and pants. He never left it this neat. It was all you. He turned to his bed and saw slight smudge on his pillow. He looked at it closely and saw that they were the smudges of your tears. Tears filled his eyes and he broke down crying. He held his head in his hand and cried about all the times you were so close to him. He could have kissed you and you would have let him.

Bucky never left your side. You wanted to ask about Steve but everytime everyone would avoid his topic. It had been two weeks. You were off of your bed and moved around the compound. You hadn't run into Steve yet. More like, you were not made to run into Steve. Every time he was near, someone would distract you and take you away from the same area. Meanwhile Steve tried to redeem himself in the eyes of others. He did everything for everyone. He, many times, didn't realize that many of the demands made were for Y/N. tony was loving this torture phase of his. Natasha rolled her eyes at him. Tony had contacted the press and put out an exclusive article about the broken engagement of Captain America. He made sure to paint Captain in such a wonderful light that Sharon’s real colors were soon revealed. Sharon had pissed off a lot of people and it had all come to bite her in the ass. Y/N was kept away from every news article. Tony had made sure she never got her hands on news channels ever again. At least until he thinks it's safe for her.

It was the middle of the night and you had a mild nightmare. It had been three weeks since the Sharon incident but sometimes, she still haunted you. You woke up, unable to sleep. You used your bathroom and sighed. You were sleeping well, sure, because of your treatment but that did not make your face glow the way it used to. You noticed how dead you looked in the mirror. You walk out of your room and make your way to the kitchen. Maybe icecream would help. Sam said he bought your favorite.

There, in the kitchen light, you saw the person you least expected to see. Steve was sitting with his head hung low and drinking water. He woke up from another restless night and thought water might help. Your feet never made a sound but Steve always knew when you walked in. He had the same feeling right now. His eyes immediately shot up and there you stood, at the dining table, just 4 feet away from him. He did not move. His eyes wide. He did not want to scare you off. You walked slowly to the fridge, feeling his eyes on you. Goosebumps rose on your arms. You scooped icecream in a bowl and put it back in the fridge. It seemed the entire scene was going in slow-mo.

“Do you- do you want some?” You asked in a very quiet tone, not looking him in the eye. Your eyes were cast down and they dragged themselves to his hands. No ring. Her heart fluttered but she killed it with the memories of what had been.

“No. I, uh, i don't- Can I taste from your bowl? I've never tasted it even though I have been buying it for a really long time.” Steve looked at her. He wanted her to look him in the eye. He wanted to see the smile and twinkle in her eyes, every time she said hi to him. She nodded her head and sat down at the dining table. Steve followed you and sat down beside you, pulling the chair as close to you as you used to sit. He leaned closer and your foreheads almost touched.

She scooped some icecream on the spoon and offered it to Steve. He shook his head and turned her hand to her mouth. “You first.” you took the icecream in and a small moan escaped you. Something stirred in Steve. You scooped some more icecream and this time put it right on Steve’s lips. “You should try before I finish it off. This is my favourite. You are lucky I am even letting you taste mine.” Steve chuckled lightly and let her feed him. This time, you looked at his mouth and saw some icecream dribble from the side. With no thought in your head, you swiped your thumb and cleaned it off his mouth. He held your wrist and pulled you a little closer. Your breath hitched. He brought your thumb to his mouth and sucked it clean. Your eyes shot up to his and his eyes darkened. He wanted to kiss you right there. He saw desire in your eyes and he saw your eyes look back at his lips. But he controlled himself. He didn't want to kiss you just because the moment was hot. He wanted to kiss you after having a real conversation.

You felt the atmosphere electrify. Before you could do something you regret, you stood up. Shoving the icecream bowl at Steve, you ran out of the room asking him to finish it off. Steve chuckled. He loved your shy reaction. He loved how reactive you were to his touch. You always were but now Steve really noticed. He finished the icecream and made a note why he was buying this flavour. Not because Sam wanted it but because it was your favourite.

Sleep evades you and your heart won't stop thumping. Steve is just one door down. You can go there, kiss him and get it over with. But you wanted to know if he was okay and he wasn't wearing his ring. Desire starts to build up in you and you pull out your vibrator. Pulling your shorts down, you press the vibrator on yourself. Moans leave your mouth as you think Steve’s tongue on you. You imagine him all over you, kissing you, sucking on your nipples. Steve’s name escapes your mouth, louder than anticipated. The vibrations shake your core as your fingers go in and out picturing Steve. You climax just as Steve, in your imagination, comes in you. What you did not know is just outside your room, Steve had heard you cry out to him. He ran to his room to release his long awaited tension.

Another two weeks go by and this time you know Steve is in the room but he wasn't allowed to approach you. Nobody knew about your little meeting and you liked to keep it that way. You stole glances and so did he. You wanted to tell him to meet you again but there was never a right time. He tried to go near you but someone would always be hovering around you. He was sick of it. He wanted to talk to you, clarify. But you finally found a way to send him a message. The safest place to meet him was his room so you found a stray pen lying around in the kitchen and picked up the small piece of tissue. You pretended to put something back in the pantry and looked at Steve. It was as if he understood, he slowly slipped away from the dining table. You had a fraction of a second before someone noticed Steve near you so you slipped the note right in his hand when Bucky showed up. You pointed at your favourite snack that was put away from Sam’s reach. Bucky pushed Steve out and helped you with your needs. You looked at Steve and saw him read the note discreetly. He slipped it in his pocket and looked at you with a slight smirk on his face. You blushed and turned away.

Midnight could not have come any later. The waiting seemed like an eternity to you. You kept on telling yourself that you just wanted to ask what happened with Sharon when internally, you knew, your desire for him had bubbled more than ever. You kept listening to conversations outside. Slowly, the voices faded and you heard doors being shut. You figured it would be safer to wait out another half an hour before running to Steve.

Steve heard soft feet running to his door. He opened his door and caught the glimpse of your bracelet glinting that he had gifted you on your birthday in the first year of five. He grabbed your hand and waist and pulled you into his room. He closed the door and pushed you flush against it. His hands fumbled to lock the door. Your breathing synchronized with his and your chest was pushed against his. He is so close that you can just look up and touch his lips with yours. His hand is still gripping your waist. You refuse to look up to him. The light in his room does not hide how red your cheeks have become.

You could hear his smirk. His free hand grabbed your face and lifted it gently to meet his eyes. He had miscalculated the gap between the two of you. As soon as he lifted your face, your lips brushed against his. A gasp escapes you and your eyes widen. Your innocent reaction adds more to desire and without a second thought, he brings down his face and puts his lips on yours. Your brain immediately accepts his touch and you wrap your arms around his neck. The kiss starts slow but Steve starts to pour in more passion. He deepens the kiss and you moan loudly. Your voice awakens him even more and he bites your bottom lip. Your tongue in his mouth was losing the battle to control itself. You play with his hair and tug them, gaining a moan from him. He pulls you more towards him. Your hand moves away from his hair and moves to his cheek. Your bandage rubs against his face that pulls him out of the kiss. He reluctantly pulls away from you and you finally breathe the air. He brings your bandaged wrist to his lips and kisses it gently. It sends electric shocks down your spine.

He pulls you to his bed. You've sat on his bed before. He makes you sit with your back towards the headboard and covers your legs with his blanket. He wouldn't be able to talk if he looked at you in your pajamas. You had forgotten you weren't wearing any underwear under your tank top and shorts you call pajamas. His eyes raked you up and down and while covering you with his blanket, his hand accidentally brushed against your boobs, erecting your nipples, which were very much visible. He could not take his eyes off of your well kissed lips and you could move past his darkened blue eyes that matched so well with his pink lips. You both cleared your throat. He sat in front of her and tried to make her as comfortable as he possibly could.

He took her bandaged hand in his hand. “Why didn't you tell me you struggled?” he softened his voice so much, she felt like crying. She had heard his soft tones but never this soft, never this vulnerable. “You never showed me your vulnerability, you know. I realized that after so long. I don't know what you're afraid of, what triggers you or what annoys you. You have always been your pleasant self. Why? Did you not trust me enough like you trust Bucky?”

“I never told Bucky anything. He just, he was just there. He found out. You, well, you had responsibilities. Why would I want to put you under more pressure? If I told you, you would've been even more fussy about me. I wouldn't want to burden you. Adding to your responsibility. I am not even someone you consider family, like you do Bucky and Nat. my telling you things would have messed up your life. I don't want that. We are not that close anyway.” You say softly. There was no need for aggression. You knew that sooner or later someone would ask this question but you didn't expect it to be Steve. Others had just accepted you as their own but with Steve you always felt like an outsider even though you shared moments.

“But why would you- What do you mean we aren't that close? I thought we were best friends! I thought of you as my family. Why would you think you're a burden? Baby, you are a responsibility I would take over anything. All you had to do was say the words.” he cupped your cheeks and forced you to look in his eyes. Tears welled up in your eyes. Your new nickname got lost in the angst.

“I am a burden, Steve. Sharon was right. I never deserved you. I never deserved anyone. All of you are so nice to me. Someone with nothing to contribute to the team. Sharon rightfully said that I am just a burden they are carrying until I drop dead. Then you'll all be free.” Your tears flowed freely. You were crying and Steve felt such rage. He never should've been with Sharon. How could she say that to someone who was there for everyone. You were the backbone of the team and Sharon broke you. He sat beside you and pulled you to his chest. You cry harder. Everyone showered you with love and care but it was Steve you wanted and now that he was here, the tears flowed free. And Steve knew that. He felt that. He rubbed your back while you sobbed and wet his shirt.

“Baby, you are not a burden. Not to me and neither to the team. They all love you so much. Did you know, if it wasn't for running into you accidentally, they never would have let me near you. Bucky has been threatening me on a daily basis to not go to your room or talk to you. So did everyone else. Baby, I was in the wrong. I was blind.”

“But you are talking to me right now! What if Bucky knows about this? Will he combat you? Oh my god! I thought about only myself again. I am so sorry. I-” You were silenced by Steve pecking your lips. “Hush, baby. Thinking about yourself is the best thing you can ever do to me. I will handle Bucky. I want to keep you here with me forever now. I have no intention of letting you go, baby.” he pecks your lips again. Your eyes widen.

“But, what about Sharon? I don't want to be a homewrecker.” you whispered the last part softly. Steve scoffed. “I threw my ring at her face and left the next day of the party. I did not know the things she had done to you and me. She manipulated me into believing that my friends did not want me and that my life is better with her. You are not a homewrecker because there was no home to begin with.” He draws circles on your back. Your tank top has ridden up a little from the back and his skin on yours is calming you down way better than any other attempts she had made. “I am sorry. I was so blind, baby. I never saw how Sharon treated you. If it wasn't for Tony and his video feeds, I never would've known how bad things were. Baby, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I know I am not worth your forgiveness.”

You didn't know where this courage came from but you were now straddling him. You cupped his face and looked him right in the eyes. “You are worth everything, Steve. You have nothing to apologize for. It was Sharon and not you. I knew that. You would never swear, even in your texts and when she sent me those texts, there were definitely words you would not use.”

Steve’s eyes snapped open. He never thought of you knowing him so damn well. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you on his chest. His head rested on the headboard and your nose touched each other. This was surely the moment to say it.

“I love you.”

You were taken aback. You never expected Steve to-

“Steve, are you sure? I know it is an emotional moment but-”

“I love you, Y/N. I have been in love with you for god knows how long. Honestly, I was just to dumb to see my own feelings. When you told me you liked me, I wanted to jump with joy but I had made commitments to Sharon so couldn't act on anything. And then Sharon kept on pulling those stunts and she drifted me from you. Did you know my heart stopped when I saw blood on Wanda, Nat and Bucky’s clothes? I thought I lost you that day. I thought I lost the chance to hold your face like this, and peck you like this and tell you I have been in love with you for a long time. Give me one more chance, baby. I want to prove to you that I deserve to be with an angel like you. Let me take you on dates.”

“There are other ways to prove you deserve me as well, you know.” You said softly again, trying to hide your face.

“Are you sure, baby?”

“Yes.”

Steve pulls you to him and your lips land on his. You groan and your hips start to rub his erection. Steve moans loudly and grinds against your core. You gasp against his lips as your shorts move a bit to the side and your wetness drips on his erection. His lips move to your neck and he nips, sucks and licks your neck, living love bites all over. “You moan so good, baby.” His hands travel up your back inside your tank top. His fingers brushing against your breasts sending shivers up your spine. Your moans and gasps grow louder along with his. The grinding grows aggressive and you are very close to your release. Steve moves his hips faster against you and he cums along with you. Your head rests on the crook of his neck and he leaves soft kisses over your neck and shoulder.

He flips you on the mattress and you land softly on his pillow. “Baby, are you sure? Just say it once and I will let you go. If not, I am going to make up for a long time.” Your nod and a soft yes was enough for him to get naked. He kneels and pulls your shorts away to see your glistened pussy. He groans. “Baby, you came ready for me, didnt you?” he does not wait for your answer and dives right suck your wet cunt. You moan and raise your back. Your tank top was the only piece between you and him. You remove it quickly and pull his one hand to your boobs. He plays with your nipple, pinching and pulling, making you moan even louder. “Baby, you are so fantastic. I am going to put my fingers in you and make you cum for me. I will slurp you all up.”

You gasp when he puts his finger in you and starts pumping. His tongue found your clit and he used his other hand to rub it even harder. You hold the blanket tightly in one hand while your other hand guides his head to find a better spot in your core. His other finger takes away your breath for a second and he speeds up his pumping. “I am so close, Steve.”

“Cum for me, baby.”

“Steve. Ste- Steve. I-” you moan loudly when your second orgasm washes over you. Steve laps up every last drop of your juice and adjusts himself to enter your core.

“This is okay, right baby?” you nodded and pulled on his hand. He chuckles and falls on you, balancing his weight on his arms. He kisses you and drags his kisses down to your breasts. He mouths one nipple and pinches the other, gaining a sweet moan from you. He shifts your other nipple and does the same. He adjusts his hips and enters you with a thrust. Your back lifts and he leaves kisses on your neck. You meet his thrusts with the same strength. He moans loudly in your ears and it is just plain music.

“Go harder, Steve. Please. Help me cum.” You moan. Steve pushes in deeper and starts pumping faster. He hits your g-spot that leaves you seeing stars. “That’s the spot, isn't it, baby.” he silences your moans with a kiss. “Let me cum in you baby. You will let me, won't you?” His thrusts slows down a little, gaining a whine from you. He smirks and kisses you deep, slowing down. “Yes! God! Please Steve! Cum in me please. I need you so much.” His speed takes over and hits that spot again and again till you cum on his cock. Your walls clenching and making it so much easier for Steve to cum in you.

He falls on you. His weight pushes you into the mattress. You whine a little, weakly trying to push him off of you. He laughs in your ears, making you blush. He was still inside you and the juices had overflowed out of your pussy. He lifts himself on his elbow and cups your face. The look of pure bliss on your face makes him feel like the greatest achievement ever. He pulls out of you and carries you to the bathroom. He cleans you up and puts his t-shirt on you. Your head lulls on his shoulder.

“Baby, we've got to get a little dressed or I will not be able to stop.”

“Who told you to stop though.” your muffled voice raised his desire again.

“Baby, don't say things you don't mean. You'll regret letting me do you over and over again.” he points out to her that she is lulling to sleep.

“Wow, you just said you had a lot of making up to do. I don't see things being made up here.” You lift your face to him and kiss his chin. You smile. His heart melts but what you said rang his desire for you again. “Fine. I will make up. Just like you want me to.” He picks you up and tosses you on the mattress and joins you in it. His t-shirt tossed aside and his lips back on yours.

The sun was seeping through the blinds in Steve’s room. You wake up with his arms around you. You were pulled so much on his side that the rest of the Avengers could sleep on the other side. You stretch your hand above your head and hiss at a slight sting on your wrist. You look at the bandage and slowly rub it. Steve sees your face fall and grabs your wrist. Slowly, he runs circles on the bandage, easing the pain a little.

“It stings a little.” You say, pouting. “Don't worry, baby. You'll be good as new and then I will never let you get hurt.” He kisses your scar on the forehead.

You jerk up from the bed with a surprise. “Oh shit! I stayed the night, Steve! They'll worry. I've got to get to my room! Bucky is going to be so worried and-”

“Why are you so worried about Bucky?” It was not just his tone that gave away his jealousy, it was his face as well. “I don't like that punk hanging out around you. You are mine. All mine. Not his.” You laugh. Your laughter takes him by surprise and leaves a small smile on his face even though he is still jealous.

“Baby,” it was your turn to sweet talk. “I am all yours. But he is a friend who first found me like this. He worries a lot because he had thought about these things but never did it. Also, he is your best friend. To be honest, I befriended him because he was your best friend. I wanted to know more about you.” You put on Steve’s t-shirt and shuffle around to wear your shorts. Steve stands up from the bed with all his glory. Your eyes dart down. He knows he affects you so he saunters his way to his sweatpants and puts them on, very slowly. You look away and hear Steve laugh.

“You are such a tease. I should've just let Bucky take care of me instead of you.” You fake a huff and walk to the door but before you could unlock it, Steve spins you and pins you against it. “Let me spell this out for you, baby. You. Are. Mine. Bucky can find someone else but you? I am keeping you all to myself.” his dark eyes roam on your body and your core warms up.

“I did not know you were a possessive man, Steve.” You slowly put your hands on his abs and trace all the way to his neck. His cock twitches against you, telling you to not go. “Look at that, I might have to stay a little longer to take care of you.” Steve pulls you back to his bed and you hope nobody is awake to catch you.

Tony was already alerted when you left your room yesterday night. He saw the feed of you sneaking into Rogers’ room. “Bucky, sorry bud. Your efforts went to waste. You said a month but there is still a week left and she's already in his room. Pay up, pal. You lost.” Bucky grumbled and pulled out a $100 bill.

“Damn! I really thought we’d make him suffer more.” Nat pulls out $50 to pay up.

“You bet on my love life! You bet on her?!” Steve emerged in the dining room with his arms around you. You blush furiously seeing how everyone now knew you spent the night with Steve.

“To be fair, Tony has to pay me $500 for making you suffer. I told him I wouldn't last a month but I would last at least two weeks. I beat him so in all technicalities, I am the real winner.” You smile brightly and take the bills from everyone. “This is going to pay for our room’s new furniture.” You pecked his cheeks and went to grab a waffle, leaving Steve baffled and everyone in dismay.

[celeluwhenfics]

This morning I went on field research for writing

In my town there is an unheated outdoor swimming pool that is open year-round. Indeed, as @frodothefair said in her comment, winter bathing is a tradition in many Nordic countries: the place was packed!!!

Today the water was 6.7°C (or 44°F for you heathens) and the air was a misty 4°C (39°F).

So... I should definitely have gone there before writing the ice bathing scene in Cold hands, warm heart! But it wasn't my very first experience bathing in "fresh" conditions, although it was my coldest ever by a couple degrees at least. I'm happy to say that the experience mostly fit what I pictured as I was writing!

A few extra impressions:

Before and after bathing, the worst is the feet. Even scantily clad, the air is not that bad, if you've moved a bit before. But the FEET, in contact with cold water on the hard ground, are in pain. It would be excruciating in the snow! Next time I must bring water shoes.

It's really interesting to experience a culture where nudity is really no big deal! Everyone naked in the changing rooms, bare butts all around in the communal showers! My partner who is from a very private culture was shocked and amused. Like a Grimbold at the Aldburg swim hole! 😅🍑

The main way I could convince myself to jump in and stay in at first was to repeat "I am Éowyn, I am Éowyn, I am Éowyn!" Whatever works, I guess!

The main reaction of my body in the water and immediately out was not shivering, but hyperventilating and panting heavily. I had to work hard to calm my breathing! I was thinking of an ex of mine who was really into the Wim Hof method... But I'm not sure I would recommend it without medical supervision.

I was able to wade perhaps 20 meters, and after about 45 seconds I felt like I needed to get out. But as soon as I was wrapped in my towel, I felt much better, and I wanted to go back again. I went around the pool once more, maybe 30 meters, and this time was almost comfortable. Nonetheless I was glad for the warm shower waiting for me! But it was nowhere, NOWHERE as bad as I would have expected.

My partner was NOT able to stay that long in the water. He was in and out, and then he wanted to go back in because he saw me swim and his ego couldn't leave it at that. His second try was not much more successful. 🤭

This is something I've observed many times: guys are quick to go in, but can't stand it long, whereas women are more affected by the initial shock (it HURTS, okay), but then are able to stay for a good while longer. And this is why I wrote Éowyn taking her time and toughing it out, but surfer-bro Éomer jumping in and running out swearing!

To be fair, men tend to have less body fat than women. I'm indeed a little softer around the edges than my partner. When I was in Mexico, this earned me the nickname of "beluga" amongst marine biologists, because I cannot tan, and I could withstand frigid waters (frigid to them, we're talking 22°C/72°F).

Overall it was FUN! The feeling of euphoria is real! I'd definitely do it again, especially that it's a 2km run from where I live, which is perfect to get warmed up before and after. A new winter tradition for me!

Okay, I'm off to make hokshoklet!

Wintery divider by @quillofspirit

[anandrettisimp]

I figured I should really live up to the username.

So ladies, gentlemen and friends outside the binary, let’s talk about Michael Andretti, probably one of the most fascinating of next gen drivers.

For an adorable start, he didn’t fully understand what Mario did when he was young, once telling a teacher that his dad “Goes to the airport and makes bread.” because that was how Mario would explain it when asked where he was going.

But yeah, as much as Mario was out driving everything with an engine, he never encouraged his children to follow his career path. In fact, as Michael started to seriously consider a racing career, Mario had made him go to community college, where he studied business studies, just so he had something to fall back on if it didn’t work out.

So although Mario didn’t push him into racing, by the time he chose it, there was no getting around who his dad was.

An F1 and IndyCar champion.

And anyone who may of approached him expecting the same witty sound bites as they had came to expect from Mario were no doubt in for a surprise when they got his far more introverted son.

Which probably added to how overly focus in on racing he was to cope.

Like, sponsor doing a dinner the day before a race, Michael will show up. But was he there by the time the meal came out?

Probably not.

But he won races and the CART championship in 1991.

He also had one of the biggest heart breaks at Indy in 1992 where, after leading 160 laps and also having to compartmentalise his dad and brother’s crashes, on lap 189, his fuel pump failed as he had half a lap on the field.

And then the McLaren call happened.

That chance at the pinnacle of racing.

That series that the last American race winner, never mind champion, was his dad.

And oh boy was it a crash and burn.

Between the change in engine supplier, Senna “leaving” and coming back, rule changes, it was a recipe for disaster.

Of course Michael didn’t help matters as he didn’t move to the England.

Mostly because his plan was to move his young family with him which apparently hadn’t gone down well with his then wife.

There were times were he would be at a test, there was issues with the car and Michael would be told to go home. The car would then be fixed and Mika Hakkinen (who would have been in the car in the first place if Senna hadn’t changed his mind) would continue the test.

Ron Dennis would have dropped Michael sooner but Mario begged him to let his son do Monza.

While it’s no longer the last points scored by an American thanks to loints, it’s still the last podium by one.

There was a story that I can no longer find that after he was dropped Michael showed up at a race and just invited himself into McLaren hospitality just to wind up Ron and like, respect.

So it was back to CART and in 1994, in his first race back, he won.

It’s at this point that I’m going to stop talking about Michael’s career cause I think you all have an idea now.

But now Marco, Michael’s eldest child, was getting into racing at the go kart level. He was winning races and championships yet Michael wasn’t happy. While he was now in his father’s position, he had also been in his son’s. Michael’s brother Jeff and cousin John also had racing careers in their own rights by then (though neither were as successful as Mario or Michael).

So he asked Marco a question.

Was he having fun.

Marco couldn’t answer, later on he admitted that he wasn’t as, as far as he was concerned, he was doing what was expected of him as an Andretti. Now I should point out this was what a nine year old was thinking.

As a result, Michael withdrew him from racing for a year so that Marco could decide if actually wanted to race or not.

That’s right, Michael put his child’s mental health and well being ahead of any family legacy desire. Did it work out in the long run? Probably not I mean, Marco managed to get bullied in a private school due to being an Andretti which is fucking wild but he supported his son decisions. Heck, he even let him apply for a certain seat at Penske that Will Power ended up getting (allegedly Marco was amongst the final drivers before they went for Will so there’s a hell of a what if for you all).

His second child Marissa, she went to university and as much as she could of and did work elsewhere, decided she wanted to join Andretti Autosport. She’s now Vice President of Andretti Global and the Managing Director of Andretti Technologies. Like, see that new base they’re building in Fishers, Indiana for all of Andretti’s teams? She’s the one in charge of that.

Middle child Lucca doesn’t seem to be involved at all in motorsport while his youngest children, twins Mia and Rio, are still in school and although Rio apparently likes playing in go karts, he’s got no desire to actually compete.

And Michael respects that.

He has been the son of.

He’s been the father of.

And he’s been able to give his children the option without putting pressure on them.

[piggledy-higgledy]

As anyone who’s been looking at my page semi-frequently will have noticed, I am a big Richard Armitage fan. Mostly in love with his portrayal of Gisborne in BBC’s Robin Hood, but I also enjoy most of his other work and consider him a very talented actor (and a very sweet person from what we can tell.)

There has been a lot of furore lately about his latest project, “Obsession” (a series unfortunately promoted as an erotic thriller by Netflix), which is a remake of 1992 film “Damage” (with Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche) and based on the book by Josephine Hart. He portrays William Farrow, a married, middle aged, successful surgeon, who has an affair with his son’s fiancé, Anna (Charlie Murphy) -an affair so obsessive that it costs him everything: his career, his family, his son’s life, even his own self (more on that later.) The series features a lot of sex scenes, very light BDSM elements, and a LOT of nudity from RA on a level most fans never thought we’d see (RA being famously private and modest.) The fandom has been divided over this, with some looking forward to it and some being sure it’s not for them at all. From what I can tell (and I might be wrong) most people were put off by either the copious amounts of sex (and the trailer leaned very heavily on that) or the unsavoury morals of the main characters. Which is fair, if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t watch it.

I *did* watch it, and because opinions have been so strong, I wanted to share my thoughts. No disrespect if you prefer to pass. I hope it might be helpful for anyone on the fence and still making up their mind whether to watch or not. Happy to chat more about it if anyone likes! There WILL be spoilers.

Before watching it

I have personally felt very intrigued about this series and I was excited about watching it. Not so much because of the nudity or explicit scenes -or, rather, because of them, but not in the way you might think. Richard Armitage has played very, very few roles where he was primarily the romantic lead, and none later in his career. He tends to be cast in active roles, a lot of dark, violent characters, tense action. When there is romance it’s not the main aspect being explored. And he has NEVER (with the notable exception of Between the Sheets, which was so early in his career I doubt he necessarily had much choice to turn down work) done anything close to this level of sexual screen time. Why now? What made this different? I really wanted to know.

There was another reason I really wanted to watch Obsession. What Richard Armitage does best, in my opinion, is give characters depth (even characters that were clearly not written that way *cough* *Guy* *cough*). He is an incredibly detailed actor and uses his face and eyes to a stunning degree to convey things that go far beyond the dialogue. He has spoken about how he creates complete backstories for all his characters. This project is literally made for his type of acting. There is hardly any action, and leagues of unspoken material. RA called it “one of the most fulfilling pieces of work he’s ever done”. I needed to see why.

After watching it

I binged all 4 episodes in one night. And then again the next morning. And again today. I finished the first episode and thought “Yes, I understand why he wanted to do this.” (He also said in an interview that there was a moment in one scene that he’d never achieved before on film. Having watched this, I believe him.) Is this the kind of series I’d normally gravitate to? No. But I’m glad I watched it. Every single actor was incredible. The filming was beautiful. I just… don’t know where to start.

The story:

In my opinion “Obsession” is not about infidelity or sexual exploration -it’s about William and Anna’s experience with obsession and addiction. Anna isn’t just having an affair. She is addicted to being in control and to using sex as a means of asserting that control. (We learn that she had a brother who sexually abused her for years and committed suicide when she finally put a stop to it. And throughout the series, she reacts to strong emotions by initiating sex. Charlie Murphy described the character as a “dominant submissive” and that’s spot on, not just in the way that she sets the rules and boundaries of their sexual relationship, but in the way that, having been abused, asserts her control on the situation she had to submit to as a young girl by controlling when and how she submitted). William is not just having an affair. He is obsessed and addicted to Anna to the point that it completely deconstructs him as a person. He is the counterpoint to Anna’s character, in that he has no control. He doesn’t initiate, he doesn’t resist, he can’t or won’t control his reactions or his impulses and he completely loses control of his life as a result of his actions. In the final episode Jay, the son, discovers the affair and in shock, falls off a railing to his death. There is a scene where William faces his wife after everything is revealed and watching Richard Armitage convey all those emotions without saying a word is some of the best acting I’ve seen in my life. I don’t know what part of himself RA drew from to act the guilt and grief and absolute devastation in that scene but it was… amazing and heartbreaking. Even then, the obsession wins. When Jay dies, we see Anna walking away while William cradles the body of his son, paying her very little attention. I completely believe that he is broken in the scenes that follow. But after a few days the addiction takes over and he still seeks out Anna, convinced they can now be together (“there’s no version of this with just you,” she’d told him earlier on, but he clearly thinks otherwise). And we get the following:

W: … I let uncertainty in. (NB: What is uncertainty but lack of control?)

A: And look what happened. I don’t think… we can ever separate who we are from what we’ve done.

W: But… we can’t let it all be for nothing either (NB: William’s voice breaks here. He’s lost everything he ever cared about, she’s the only thing left. Does this phrase mean he thinks there was depth in their affair? Or does it mean that he is looking for meaning and depth so that he can cope with the fact that he sacrificed everything for an obsession and an addiction?)

A: Jay died because of us.

W: Still I wouldn’t change it (TNB: THIS! This phrase upset so many viewers! And of course it did, it was supposed to. The acting is, again, amazing. This isn’t said to Anna, this is introspection. William is looking inside himself, realises he wouldn’t change it, realises how much of himself he’s lost.)

A: You don’t regret it?

W: How can I?

A: We caused so much pain

W: But it’s done now.

A: I am so sorry for what happened. But I wish we’d never met. (She walks away, leaving William sobbing. Because there. is. nothing. left.)

The sex:

I hate that this was marketed as a sexy series because it created all sorts of hype and expectations that were misplaced imo. The story was never about the sex. Morgan Lloyd Malcolm said a couple of days ago on Twitter that it’s about “sitting in the discomfort of human behaviours” and that is spot on. Like I said above, this is a story of addiction. Anna is not addicted to the sex -she is addicted to using sex for control. That’s why Anna and William never kiss (she is the one controlling their physical interactions. William leans in to kiss her in many scenes, she never lets him.) That’s why the music is so jarring in all the sex scenes. That’s why there’s no foreplay, that’s why William never lasts long. That’s why they only ever have sex on the floor or in public, never in a safe, comfortable place like a bed. They are not comfortable. This is not a comfortable situation. We, as viewers, are supposed to be uncomfortable. The infamous hotel pillow scene was meant to demonstrate the turning point in William’s addiction, the complete loss of control, I think. It was never supposed to be funny or sexy -it was meant to disturb us because this intelligent, cultured, previously collected man becomes completely animalistic. Which is why he sobs afterwards -I think this is the point when William realises that (as Ingrid puts it later) “he is lost to her”. William’s face after their first sexual encounter is the face of a man under the influence. When she gets up to leave he makes this movement with his fingers like he is trying to hold on to her, but only grabs air. It’s just a twitch -but it’s Richard Armitage and we know how detailed he is in his acting, and I am sure it was a gesture with meaning.

The intimate scenes in Obsession are sometimes sensual, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes genuinely hard to watch but never gratuitous.

Why a fan of Richard Armitage or anyone writing for his characters should watch it:

Again, you do you, but hear me out: This series is a veritable treasure trove of body language, voice/cadence, facial expressions that you can then apply to your favourite RA character. The longing. The conflict. The loss of control. The vulnerability. The eye contact. The fact that the lover’s name is Anna, which is also my name. Also, I’m being completely serious when I say that this is some of the best acting I’ve seen him do *ever*. If you can only bring yourself to watch parts of it, do that. There were some scenes that genuinely made me tear up. Look after yourself, respect your boundaries, but sample what you can because it’s a veritable banquet.

PS: I am focusing on Richard Armitage for this review because I came to Obsession from that fandom. But every single actor gives an amazing performance. I especially adored Charlie Murphy as Anna, Indira Varma being astounding as Ingrid and the criminally underrated Marion Bailey as Anna’s mother, Elizabeth, who packs SO MUCH into so few scenes.

[polyamzeal]

Public Breakup Post

On my personal Facebook I posted a long post about my recent breakup. I am going to cross-post it here as a record of the rawness of polyamorous breakup. I appreciate all sympathy given but honestly I have talked to people a lot about it already. I honestly hope this is more of the opposite that it can help other people going through a breakup or hard times to have something relatable to connect with. Also totally fine if you skip this one and keep on scrolling.

When I first became polyamorous I came to the realization that my relationships are my business. I don’t need to be public about them. I purposely limit how much I post about partners on social media. That is privileged information that I only share with people I trust. If someone wants to know about my relationships they can message me privately. But this time it feels appropriate to share a bit more than usual, so I am making a conscious effort to share for a number of reasons. One of the worst parts of polyamory I always say is the breakups. The last two breakups I stayed mostly or completely quiet about. Those partners were closeted, and combined with that, most people didn’t even know I was dating them or how much they meant to me. Furthermore the most common response a monogamous person will have to a polyamorous person with another partner while going through a breakup is, “What is the big deal, you still have a partner so you aren’t single.” This is incredibly hurtful and inconsiderate. The other common response is for them to say, “See, polyamory doesn’t work”, as if countless monogamous breakups across history wouldn’t show that monogamy doesn’t work. So most of the time it is best to just keep breakups secret and not talk about them. Which really sucks and hurts a lot. But I had a breakup recently, and it seems fitting to not keep this one secret and make it public. It was hard, painful, and I have questioned it ever since. My ex is a great person who I still love very much and want the best for them. I don’t regret the relationship and I have many fond precious memories of it. But recently it had just felt “off” in ways that are hard to explain and recognize. Plus we have both had a lot of personal stress outside our relationship as well. There was still a lot of happiness and great times mixed in but also just a lot of stress and anxiety. I wasn’t happy like I used to be and I just felt like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore. I am also sure what I wanted has definitely changed since the beginning, also in hard to explain ways. It felt like I was asking for too much out of the relationship. I needed to take a step back and breathe. Focus on my own mental health a bit before I could figure out that particular relationship. Get better at communicating all those hard to explain emotions and expectations. Learn about how I have changed and what I want out of relationships has changed. Sadly, I knew I couldn’t do that while still being in that relationship. It feels unfair to them but I needed to put my own emotional health first before that relationship. One reason I am posting all this is because of society overdramatizing breakups. It makes for good entertainment the more of a dumpster-fire train-wreck a breakup is. But not all breakups need to be like that. Society has told us that if a relationship breaks up then it is labeled a “failure”. THAT IS BULLSHIT! A relationship isn’t deemed a success based on how it ends. The Multiamory Podcast has an important saying as part of their relationship advice, “It is okay to break up.” Also ‘The Polyamory Breakup Book’ by Kathy Labriola gives a ton of examples why people might break up without it being all one person’s fault or someone being bad. A lot of times things just change. People change. I treasure and value that relationship so much. I feel so lucky it happened. They had a positive impact on my life and I hope I did on theirs too. I am sorry that our relationship had changed to this but I am also hopeful that this change will be an evolution, not a downgrade. That right now this is what is best for us and hopefully the future will be bright for us.

[cat3ch1sm]

⛪️~ hello, all! welcome to part two of my jjk Valentine’s Day headcanons. this version has a bit more nsfw than the first part did- so enjoy <33

also yes i know technically it’s not v-day anymore- but i insist on feeding y’all. 🤭

fem!reader, fluff, some nsfw 💚

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞’𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲! 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐

ft~ toge, gojo, nanami, geto, yuuta

*＊✿❀ 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞 ❀✿＊*

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ you’d been talking about baking together for a while- so naturally, toge went out a bought a ton of ingredients for lots of Valentine’s Day treats so he could make what you wanted come true. toge isn’t really someone who’s necessarily good in the kitchen, but he’ll sure as hell try after seeing your eyes light up and the adorable smile that graced your features after you saw everything in the kitchen, set up for you two to spend a day baking sweet pastries and treats together. afterward the kitchen is a huge mess because both of you are absolutely clueless <3 but hey, at least you two tried despite the fact that you almost burned alive like five times but that’s okay!! the day will end with you two sharing the few successful treats you two made and ordering in- because clearly, neither of you can be trusted in the kitchen. the night ends with you two falling asleep on the couch together with fucking girl from nowhere playing on the tv or something because you couldn’t give less of a shit about romantic movies. anyways 10/10 valentine’s day 💚 we love toe gay

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ 𝐠𝐨𝐣𝐨 ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ gojo, like yuuji, is also terribly obnoxious with his Valentine’s Day surprise- but like, way worse. i can absolutely see this man getting up really early and heading off to the academy without waking you so he can prepare. he will force nanami to participate too, much to the man’s dismay. the both of them will be smack in front of the academy with gojo dressed as a fucking bunny rabbit with giant stupid ears and a giant stupid sign that says “i’m hoppy you’re mine!”gojo will be absolutely beaming when you finally come to work and see the sign with nanami wearing the most deadpan expression possible and his grown ass in a bunny costume. you’re absolutely humiliated (although mostly in a good way), but gojo feels no shame in picking you up and swinging you around in front of all the flabbergasted students staring at the most powerful jujutsu sorcerer behaving like a little boy with no shame whatsoever while nanami just stands there with the sign. later, however, in private when you two are alone that night, gojo gifts you the most risqué lingerie you’ve ever seen in your life- and he fully expects you to wear it for him. let’s just say it’s a very long night for you both…💚

˖˵˵˵˵˵˵ଘ(𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐨)⋆🌷

'*•.¸♡ geto is a simple guy when it comes to romantic affairs. he’ll just ask you where you want to go for Valentine’s Day, and it doesn’t matter if you said next door or all the way to Canada, he’ll take you, and geto will not care at all about cost or time. however, geto doesn’t really care to spend Valentine’s doing cheesy romantic stuff- he’s all about the more physical, sensual stuff. he’ll gift you all these really expensive, nice-smelling soaps and shampoos and probably lingerie as well so you can prepare for a very long night of love-making. geto will set up candles and scatter rose petals all over the bed to try and make the atmosphere as inviting as possible for you. the next several hours are all about you and your pleasure, which geto couidn’t be happier to provide. ♡¸.•*'

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢 ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ೃ⁀➷ nanami is indeed a romantic. he’ll wake you up gently with a kiss and a whispered “happy Valentine’s Day,” tenderly placing a bouquet of flowers on your lap and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. however, chances are that he’ll just want to stay home with you and hold you all day. he would rather not bother with the outside world today when he could spend the day with you. you’ll cook your favorite meals together and watch your favorite movies, even if they aren’t romantic. slow dancing with each other to absolute silence? yes. bubble baths together with scented candles and pink bath bombs? also yes. literally find yourself someone like nanami for Valentine’s. of course, you’ll both want to be intimate as well, and nanami will make sure everything goes the way you want it to- where you want to be intimate, what you want him to do, how you want the scene set. he’ll do everything exactly how you wish with no mistake whatsoever because he wants to make today really special for you both.

┊ 𝐲𝐮𝐮𝐭𝐚 ┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚ °

♡̩̥̩♡̩̩̥͙♡̩͙ˊˎ﹤ he will be so panicked about what he’s supposed to do for you the day before. poor boy😭 he’s tailing maki all day begging for her help as if she’s any better than him. eventually, though, he’ll settle on painting with you- not wanting to be boring and try something new. he doesn’t have any real experience painting, though, so he just winds up throwing color all over a canvas with no coherent patterns or themes whatsoever. in the end, though, he will wind up painting you- or attempting to… it’s mostly just a blob of paint that takes on your very loose shape. although, it is endearing seeing him with the paint all over his skin like he’s a little clown 😍😍 the best part is he’s super touchy and wants to hug and kiss you the whole time, so you also wind up looking like a three-year-old’s art piece. oh, well- you’ll certainly have fun washing off the paint off in the bath together <33

[thesweetestdevotion]

https://www.tumblr.com/thesweetestdevotion/762705722746224640/can-you-do-a-jungkook-future-spouse-reading-3?source=share

Hi . Can you do it in yoongi's version too ?

Hey!!

BTS Yoongi Future Spouse:

Dice: 4th House, Jupiter, Cancer

Tarot:

Personality: The Devil, Eight of Swords, Nine of Swords Reversed, Death, The Sun, Four of Cups Reversed

I think this person is force to be reckoned with, they seem to have gone through a lot in life and this has made them hardier than most. They seem to appreciate the opportunities and things in their life quite well, i think they’ve learnt the value of work and struggle very early on. I think this person may have some addictive personality traits that they have trouble letting go of which could cause them stress and sorrow. However i think they have the fortitude that they need in order to let those behaviors go, they just need to take that first step. Overall they seem positive and like they appreciate their life as it is now, maybe they’ve worked really hard to get to where they are now. They seem very private so i honestly wasn’t getting much here, but this is their overall vibe hehe.

Career: Three of Coins Reversed, Six of Wands, Queen of Cups, The Wheel of Fortune, Ten of Wands, Three of Wands Reversed

Therapist??? I just head that in my head, and it seems to track with their tarot. The queen of cups speaks of a nurturing and loving force and the ten of wands is a stressful and duty-bound energy, so a therapist could fit into that. If not i could see them being in an advisor or in a managerial position where they have to deal with many people. I think they mostly work alone, with the three of coins reversed, and they are very successful as well because of the six of wands. Their industry could have lots of ups and downs and be very tumultuous, which is something that could contribute to this stressful energy. I think they work close to home, I’m not seeing any traveling here, also they don’t seem to be in the spotlight in any significant way. I do think they are in a high position, one where they shoulder the responsibility of the wellbeing of many people on their own.

Their Relationship: The Hanged Man, The Hierophant Reversed, Two of Coins, Page of Wands, The Lovers, The World, Three of Swords Reversed

I think they’ve met already?? Could even be in a relationship already. Honestly i do think they’ve met already loll they seem to have a stable relationship but are in some sort of limbo. It seems there is outside responsibilities that are more pressing at the moment that have put this relationship on hold. I dont think there’s any lack if love due to this though, i think their connection is very strong and there’s a lot of trust and security within it so they feel comfortable here. I also dont think their relationship looks like your typical relationship to be honest, there’s something untraditional here but i dont see it being something they’re bothered by. They sort of exist within each other and dont care much for outside input or opinion hehe. I feel that this relationship feels like their respective happy endings, they see this going steady for more years to come. I just think they need to get through this rough patch and they’ll be fine. There’s a lot of passion and commitment already, Im wishing them the best hehe so cute. I think they really miss each other right now and wish this cycle could finish so they can get back together. Another thing is that traditional ‘marriage’ may not happen here, i just don’t see them caring much about it, their honest commitment to each other is enough for now (maybe even forever but who knows, energies could change over time)

How They Met: Queen of Swords, Ten of Coins, The Magician, The Tower Reversed, Page of Swords Reversed, King of Cups

I think they could’ve met through one of their families, maybe at some sort gathering I’m getting a wedding or other large event of that kind. Their dice indicate familiarity and the fourth house is also the house of the home, so maybe they share a hometown, or they met in one of their hometowns. The magician, queen of swords and king of cups tells me there was an instant spark between the both of them, but i think one of them was a little more closed off than the other. I think they maybe didn’t have enough time to communicate in the event they were at, so this meeting probably left them unsatisfied and made them want to seek each other out afterwards. They could’ve exchanged socials or numbers, but idk why i just heard “a number was wrong” so maybe they were rushing to exchange numbers and one person typed it in wrong, which was frustrating. I see that they were able to get around it later somehow and that they began a casual but cute communication. I feel like this meeting happened a while ago to be honest, timing can be tricky with tarot but the energy does feel like a past one, and since their relationship seems so stable its safe to assume so.

Hope you guys like it!! It was a cute reading xxx!!!

[blazehedgehog]

You hear about what's going on with Sam Procrastinates? What do you think of that?

I caught a whiff of it today, yeah. I'm sort of glad I'm mostly outside of that circle of influence. I know of a lot of those people, but I do not know them personally. I probably run my mouth on here too much and too freely for some of those types.

Especially seeing Sam get out there in front and be like "whoa whoa whoa whoa I'm trying to protect my business by distancing myself from leakers and bad actors" -- like, maybe I don't have the full context here, but trying to divorce yourself from leakers is a bit weird to me?

Keep in mind I'm coming at this from the perspective of being on Sonic Retro during the massive Sonic 4 leak, which lead Sega to partner with Sonic Retro. Some of the inroads paved during that partnership almost certainly lead to us getting Sonic Mania, given there are future Sonic Mania staff thanked in the credits for Sonic 4 Episode 2.

Like, I get trying to keep your nose clean. I try to do that, too. People get on my case for being spooked by emulation in my "Definitive Way to Play" videos, but people who really, actually know me, know that I've never had a problem with emulation ever in my entire life. Up until Tristan started buying me games to review for TSSZ, emulation was literally all I had. I could not afford games on my own, and I basically still can't. (I'm counting on next month's Twitch payout to cover my pre-order for Shadow Generations)

All of that is me trying to keep my nose clean. I've seen channels get shut down for talking too openly about emulation (particularly with setup tutorials), and even Discord servers are not as private as people think they are. The hammer can and will drop, and I'd rather my financial livelihood not be under it.

So I will never tell people to "just emulate it" in my videos and I have a rule against linking piracy material in my Discord. If you like me, and like my work, that's the way it's gotta be to protect that kind of stuff.

But that's on video. What I do in my personal life has no baring on that. I endeavor to capture all my footage from real consoles but I'm also living in a cramped little bedroom with maybe ten square feet of floor space right now, so I'm not digging out my Wii or my Saturn or my PS2 every time I have to capture footage of something. I emulate it.

I'm getting off topic. Shutting people out of your life because they don't align with your business is a bit extreme, to me. But again, I don't know the relationship there. At least in the clips Sam uses, he never seems very happy to have Shanny around, even though it's clear Shanny can and continued to join Sam's discord calls. I guess I just don't have any friends like that -- I either have personal friends, or... well, I just don't have very many "business friends." (Which depending on your view point, is or isn't a problem and one of the reasons my channel growth can be so sluggish)

So, like, whatever. Again, I dunno how a lot of that stuff goes. Ultimately, I guess I don't blame Sam for protecting his business, because again, I protect my business too, and it's clear Sam is more successful than I am.

I will say this, though, and I am about to step neck deep in the shit: I have never liked that Jaden Sonic Show dude. There was a time...

...Let's see... I had to dig around in Discord because I was so put off by this guy's videos I straight up erased them from my Youtube History, so this is the only way I even know I watched them:

I watched two or three of his videos around this time and this dude's tendency to just make stuff up, believe in bad sources, and push the worst rumors was infuriating. I would say it's not a stretch to claim he is eroding the overall intelligence of the Sonic fandom with his sensationalist, reactionary, straight up false information. He reminds me of the way I used to think about the game industry when I was 13, which is to say: deeply, deeply, deeply incorrect.

This is where I was going to pivot and say, "and he makes more money than Sam and I combined," because he has 150k+ subscribers. But according to SocialBlade, that doesn't seem to be true. Despite having 3x as many subs as Sam, SocialBlade claims The Sonic Show seems to make less than Sam Procrastinates.

I guess there are benefits to keeping your nose clean.

(And given I have a Youtube channel of my own, I have a vague idea how accurate these numbers are -- which is to say: I am not making $122 a month from Youtube, but I wish I was. I also understand why Sam is so protective of his channel's earnings, too)

Anyway, all of this to say, Sam seems in the right here. I do get a whiff of, like, the puritan Japanese Idol culture from some of this, where if you're a J-Idol you can't be caught drinking, or smoking, or even swearing. You have to maintain total purity or else you fall victim to a witch hunt, and there's a weird amount of finger pointing going on here that I don't know if it was deserved. Sam shouldn't have even needed to make a video like this, but like I said, that Sonic Show guy kind of seems like a vulture.

I would not put stock in what that dude has to say.

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

I did a reading about the public’s reaction to Ateez’s relationship to their future spouse. Knetz vs international fans. Let me tell you it was so funny. For knetz the inability to accept a relationship was so consistent in the tarot I couldn’t stop laughing. Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yeosang especially. They were like the biggest traitors according to the tarot

I think because hongjoong is very possessive of atiny and jealous as his idol persona the Knetz feel even more betrayed. Seonghwa is also quite romantic with the fans and gives a lot of fans service so they feel entitled to him as well. For Yeosang I got the vibe from the tarot that his FS might be from a country or something that Korea has beef with. I’ve seen other readers talk about this and I feel it too. Yeosang’s FS seems to be beautiful and loving (empress energy). The boys will like her and the international fans mostly want Yeosang’s happiness but it’s going to be difficult for him with Korean fans.

As for San, Yunho and Mingi I was really intrigued. San’s FS is obviously loved by most. The Knetz and international fans seem to agree with this. They will be like THE couple. However Mingi’s FS seems to have a big impact as well. If she truly is black I see that being a big thing. The Knetz aren’t going to want to acknowledge it or truly understand it. Because it’s interracial I see them not treating it the same as usual idol couples. It’s represented with like Mingi as a king of swords with a queen of wands. They don’t get how people from 2 different worlds could make it work(I personally think it’s a little dramatic. And I don’t see them reacting this way with the other FS’s who might be foreigners but that’s just me). I do see them getting with it in time with the 9 of wands and ace of cups. It just takes time :( On the international side they feel invested in the relationship and want to be positive about it. It’s like Mingi worked so hard to get to this point (the hiatus, dealing with his mental health, making music he loves that reflects him, learning English even though he finds it difficult) with the 9 of pentacles and queen of cups they just want the couple to enjoy their happiness. This relationship takes a lot of work to achieve and is important for the representation but also Yunho (didn’t forget about him hehe). Here is why. With the perspective that Yunho and Mingi are besties who married besties, Mingi’s FS may be the catalyst for their meeting. I think Yunho is definitely going to take more time to find the one simply because he has other priorities and may not be content with his life the way it is yet. When he meets his FS he won’t even be focused on that. His FS gives off that same practical vibe tho she is more spontaneous. She probably will also be getting her ducks in a row before they meet. I easily see her being successful in her own merit which is exactly the type of person Yunho will want.

Yunho and Wooyoung had a similar impression from the Knetz. They both keep things private and under lock and key. I can almost see them being annoyed and pouty like “you guys don’t tell us anything” (I don’t blame them. “Fans” can be so cruel) I see Yunho and San shielding their loved ones from the internet. I see Wooyoung just straight up hiding everything about his relationship. It’s like radio silence 😂 Nothing for a while and then all of sudden he’s married. More silence then oop we have 4 kids. He does not care lmaooo. I’m getting more from Mingi and his FS so I think they can’t hide as easily. Both will be in the public eye. They will try to keep as much as they can private but the public has more access. He will defend her no matter what tho and vice versa. They can handle it after all the shit they have been through.

I personally have difficulty getting a read on Jongho but I think he might fall in another significant relationship before he finds the one and I think the public will like them. I get stuff like the lovers and the 10 of cups which is nice. I also feel like they are private? Especially the FS I don’t think she f*cks with attention like that. Very private. The couple that shows up to the function, brings some food, says hi and leaves. Wooyoung and his FS have that vibe too lol

Anyway that was my long spiel. Everyone seems chill. Don’t mind my spelling mistakes lol This is obviously just for fun and definitely not hard facts

-❤️

I wouldn’t be surprised if the entirety of the group pulled Chens. But yeah, I loved reading this so much! Sorry I don’t have much commentary but I agree a lot with it

[trans-temporial]

Something that bothers me about when people post about “fans care more about a TV show than about Palestine or about anti-trans bills” because it feels like they saw the renewal campaign and the petition and decided that this is what fans are doing 24/7 with no thoughts of anything else.

Of course we care about things other than this TV show. I think the main issue is deciding that someone’s online presentation of themselves is representative of their whole life offline and that’s cause to assume their politics and treat them accordingly. The OFMD campaign looks like it’s taking up a lot of people’s time online because in this instance the most effective way to bring attention to the show and generate interest is via social media, but most forms of activism can’t be told from someone’s social media. I go to a lot of trans marches which I can’t post about online for safety reasons (TERFs seeing and showing up, people being identified and outed from pictures, etc). You can’t tell from my Tumblr that I go to trans marches but that doesn’t mean I don’t go.

Yes, people post about OFMD a lot because in this instance that’s one of the most helpful things to do. I think also people are just happy to for once be part of a campaign that actually has a tangible goal and is having clear successes. Being involved in huge political causes can be so daunting and depressing especially when you have skin in the game and often it feels like just fighting against a huge tidal wave that you have no control over. With OFMD, it’s something that brings us joy and community, and we’ve already had so much success (the petition, billboard, cast and crew acknowledgment) that of course we throw ourselves into a cause that feels like it might actually achieve its goal. Activism can so lonely and hopeless at times. To band together with other people to perform what are essentially 21st century online Zaps (queer activist tradition, look up the Lavender Menaces) is really moralising and exciting when the world feels so out of control in so many other respects.

I’m sure there’s a mix of people in the OFMD who are activists for other causes and some who aren’t. I don’t know, because I don’t know them. Maybe the people sending death threats post a lot about Palestine on social media but don’t do any other activism. Or maybe they do. I don’t know - because I don’t know them. Online personas are curated for a reason, and adapt depending on the platform. My Tumblr and my Instagram are very different because my Insta is private and it’s mostly my close friends. I just don’t think it’s possible to get enough of an idea of someone based just on social media.

[cairoscene]

fic writer meme

thanks em @uhuraisgay and lore @megafaunatic for the tag <3

How many works do you have on Ao3?

between my accounts, a nice tame 18 total

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

217,330 lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i definitely write for fewer fandoms than i'm in, so in the past it was mxtx danmei novels and now it's batman (current obsessions pending fic...)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

what else is there? (mdzs)

2. you'll know, you'll fall (tgcf)

3. send to all (batfam)

4. one word from you (mdzs)

5. to recollect and long for (mdzs)

the wangxian monopoly....

5. Do you respond to comments?

not anymore :( i used to respond to every comment i got, but it ended up being too much stress. so i read and appreciate every comment i get, but i only really respond if someone asks me a question or needs clarification on something

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't really write unadulterated angst and i'm a lover of a happy ending, so i guess it would be bring the ashes to me......... my fic which famously has no ending at all...........and in fact leaves xie lian in a Pretty Bad Place.......... oops

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably you'll know, you'll fall, which i briefly reread not too long ago and. well. to those who continue to enjoy it, i treasure you. i will say i tied up every possible loose end in that fic including?? giving xl a job at sqx's hotel management firm????? let's just say i would do it differently now

8. Do you get hate on fics?

honestly no, never, just the occasional rude comment. i delete and move on

9. Do you write smut?

with varying degrees of success, yes. i like to think i've gotten better over time. writing porn is an aspect of craft that really fascinates and interests me, figuring out what i like to read vs what i like to write, balancing titillation with characterization and finding where the two lean in and kiss. half of my private bookmarks are random fics where the sex scenes just worked for me and i must squirrel it away to study under a microscope to figure out Why

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

not really, and i don't tend to read them, either. i think they're really hard to pull off successfully and generally my brain isn't on board with reconciling irreconcilable world-building aspects just for the fun of it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so? there was definitely...... a trend of let's call it Unattributed Inspiration in the mxtx fandoms, where any fic or tweeted idea or headcanon that got passed around would inevitably show up in the tag without attributing it to the originator. i remember reading a fic and enjoying it and then suddenly being like Wait...... why is this familiar? and discovering it was very clearly inspired by one of mine lol. i wouldn't call it plagiarism bc let's just all calm down, but it isn't a phenomenon i've encountered outside mostly mdzs fandom, let's put it that way

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!!!! mostly russian and mandarin. i feel like being asked if someone can translate my fic (or podfic it) is the highest possible praise and i'm always very flattered

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i was going to say no at first but then i remembered that @bluecrystalrainingdaggers helped me write a charity fic back when i wasn't really feeling wangxian but needed to fulfill on the charity raffle we ran. she basically gave me the outline and i wrote it and i would never have survived without her

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

i am a fickle creature, so i don't have one. i have ships i return to over the years when i crave a specific dynamic, like kirk/spock and wolfstar and damen/laurent. in general my ships fulfill a specific need i'm looking for, hualian for the comfort and care, ghostbat for sustainable toxic soulmates, [redacted] for the angst and misunderstandings, vashwood for the doomed clowns etc etc etc

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

bring the ashes to me. sorry

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i can write a good sex scene

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot :( dialogue :(((( sitting down to write at all :(((((((((

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

i feel like i don't have strong opinions on this front. it seldom bothers me but when it's done well it's a really great element

19. First fandom you wrote for?

on ao3, mdzs. on fanfiction.net the musketeers (2014) and that wizard one

20. Favorite fic you have written?

i'm really very fond of lover be good to me. it's one of my least accessible fics on account of the rarepair but i had a lot of fun writing it and i think the final product is pretty satisfying. i feel like i was able to say and explore everything about the ship i wanted to, which is really fulfilling

tagging @englishsub @vinelark @eggmacguffin @90kon @yuebings @floofyfluff @deadchannelradio and anyone else who wants to do it