#which is mostly private and REALLY successful and happy

[skrrts]

here in the rain, will you smile again? (oneshot)

✧ gn!reader x jeong yunho ✧ former high school sweethearts ✧ genre: non idol, romance, sad, still in love, comfort ✧ word count: 5,4k ✧ warnings: mention of heartbreak, insecurities, painful breakup in the past, crying

Jeong Yunho was more than your high school sweetheart; he was the love of your life, although you only understood it later, regretting how the two of you let your parents force you to break up to focus on your academic future. You never believed in fate, but that day, when you crossed the street in the pouring rain and saw him: soaked, the flowers of a bouquet falling on the street as he was waiting for somebody who would not come. Maybe it always had meant to be that way because, in the end, you always knew the two of you belonged together.

a/n: so far, my one-shots for him have been very sweet and soft, so i wanted to write something different. mostly a short story of high school sweethearts reuniting because they never really stopped loving each other. (it does have a happy ending)

You looked up to the sky, the heavy grey clouds swallowed even the smallest hint of sunshine. Autumn had come quietly just like every year and before you knew it, Summer was gone, the leaves started to change their color like a sad love song that everyone knew but nobody really wanted to listen to. You were glad now that you had a diligent friend such as Seonghwa who sent you a text not to forget your umbrella this morning because he knew you would have otherwise.

The workday had been short, really. When you arrived at the office in the morning, the internet already had been off, and there really only could be so much done when your programs mainly required to be connected to the digital online network. It had been some time since you last had a free afternoon in the middle of the week but it was a good thing. Every vacation, you just pressured yourself to shove as much as possible in the one or two weeks, to feel like it was worth it but it being so unexpected, maybe it would be fun just to go with whatever came to mind.

While the rain wasn’t the most inviting condition, you were used to it. In the small town you came from, the rain was as much a local as the several hundred people living there. As memories dwelled up, you shoved them aside and stared down at your smartphone instead, thumb brushing over to scroll through a few recommendations. It was sweet, that you found this little forum where people from different parts of the city recommended their favorites a few weeks ago and now finally had an excuse to try it. You hated crowded places and it was welcoming to go somewhere you could count on to be nice.

“This looks cute,” your gaze stopped on a small café which wasn’t too far from here. If you cheated and took the crossing at the cinema, you would be there in no time. The idea of a cup of big green tea was nice right now, maybe together with a slice of cake. You worked extra hard lately, and your latest project was a big success. 

You sighed as you finally stepped ahead and through the rain, trying to dodge little puddles of rainwater. From a career perspective, everything worked out for you. Thanks to some networking during college, you snatched a job with plenty of potential right after graduation, and from there, you steadily worked yourself up, you even only had two sick days in three years at this company. 

Your private life, on the other hand, it was hard to really say it existed and that wasn’t because you lacked free time, actually, if anything your work schedule was steady, your employer one to ensure that they could market themself with an accurate work-life balance. You had friends, went to the gym twice a week and a cutea pet bunny waited for you at home because your landlord wasn’t accepting bigger pets. 

Love just never worked out for you but there was no reason to waste time searching for advice online, going to speed dating, or having your friends set you up with somebody. The reason was always so obvious to you.

You already found the love of your life once, during those cursed high school years you often still yearned back for, not because life had been easier but because he still was in it. Nobody ever could live up to him because he had been the right one for you and you always believed it had been the same for him. 

It wasn’t that you tried but somehow…

You shook your head, trying not to let your throat go dry again because your body always still reacted to it, even after seven years, it was as it could remember the feeling from that day, when you called for his name and his brother finally pulled him away because both of your parents agreed you were a distraction to each other because you wanted to go to the same college, spending every free minute side by side, leading to his parents to forcefully make him change high school for his final year.

“Tch,” you rubbed over your eyes, stopping as stupid tears dwelled on it. Why was it that love like that would not go away? Yes, this too you would not mind, you often silently prayed to your heart to release you but it would not, clinging stupidly to a hope that did not exist.

Fate did not exist.

Somebody stumbled into you, only rushing an apology and a quick bow because it led to you dropping your umbrella. You cursed a little, more so scolding yourself to be lost in those silly old memories on a free afternoon when your gaze caught a figure. 

It was difficult to say what it was, maybe the familiarity you just never shook off, maybe it was because there was so much sadness about it that your own seemed almost like nothing.

He must have been standing in the pouring rain for some time, his clothes soaking, hair clinging to his face and the bouquet of flowers started to slowly crumble to the ground, little leaves falling as it was not made to withstand the angry autumn weather. 

Your heart was beating loudly, a drumming in your ears that even the traffic sound disappeared and all you could do was … walk. Your body was already on its way, it refused for your mind to actually step in, telling it how considering he had been waiting for somebody, quite obviously a person important, this was not the moment to make it worse.

Fate said: fuck you, I exist, now have your punishment for doubting me!

When you took the last stair, your steps finally slowed and you needed a moment to make it to his side. Carefully, yet gently your hand leaned forward and then, the world around you disappeared, all that was left was that small space underneath your umbrella.

“You shouldn’t stand here like that in the rain without an umbrella,” your voice scolded him gently.

Jeong Yunho looked up when your voice reached him. 

Why was it that he was crying when he saw you?

Yunho had known, this date was a foolish idea but what could he do about it? His heart yearned to be loved and to love, to have somebody who would smile at him and allow for his embrace to gently curl around. Lazy morning in bed, holding hands while walking through the city, ignoring the dull landscape autumn brought to it every time and a smile. He wanted to see a smile that would make his heart race.

It wasn’t a fantasy he desired to make true but a memory of something he had held until he lost it because of his wrongdoing. He wasn’t able to be the son his parents wanted and so, he did what they asked of him.

What would you do when you were seventeen, madly in love but also a child who wanted to make his parents proud, who believed so much in them that surely, they knew best?

He doubted it, the moment you screamed his name, asking him not to go and how his brother pulled him back to the car. Yet, both of you had accepted it, you lowered your heads to make your families proud and in return, his heart felt empty ever since. Nobody managed to fill it because nobody was you.

No, he didn't want any love, he wanted yours. He always did because once, it had been his.

Sure, the little flirts at his workplace had been sincere from his side or he told himself so, that woman was quick to return it but maybe as she learned how Yunho had this cliche dream of a simple life with a little family of his own, she changed her mind.

He felt like a fool standing in front of the cinema with flowers, knowing already half an hour later that she would not come, but not even the rain chased him away because maybe he wanted to cling to the hope that he was good enough for somebody, that maybe all it needed was time and they would be here, take him for who he was. Maybe he did not lose all the rights with you, but then would it be fair? Because deep down he just wanted ...

So he waited. For two hours. And then, he was found.

It was as the world cleared up, the rain stopped falling and a face came into view that was as beautiful as yesterday, yet so different that he could not deny he’d have been a little shy.

You held the umbrella right above him, scolding him for standing in the pouring rain.

Yunho’s mouth opened but no words were coming out as he was staring at you, the way how you had grown up so much but there was still all of the sweetness in your features he had fallen so hard for the first time back in junior year of High School, when introduced yourself as his science partner for the year. 

The damn tears wouldn't stop now.

You never were shy to do whatever it needed to make those you loved smile, even if it likely meant hurting yourself in the process.

To make him smile in the middle of the rain in a city, after seven years apart.

“Sorry I’m late, I got I was a little distracted. Are those for me?” 

It took Yunho a moment to realize you were pointing to the flowers in his hands which now were only a sad reflection of their earlier state.

He spent twenty minutes trying to choose a pair and only now, he realized he had gotten your favorite flowers. How did not pay attention to this sooner?

The world seemed to be standing still, that moment when Yunho wondered what he was doing. He waited and waited and he never … went back to you although it was all he wanted but he was undeserving.

So why were you here like that? 

And then you stepped closer and reached out for his cheek, he froze under the touch but your hand was soft and gentle. “Don’t cry, I am sorry I am late.” 

Your voice was a soft whisper and you brushed a tear away from his cheek before taking the flowers carefully from his hands. “Mh, I guess we do not have to worry about giving them water then any time soon. Here, let’s go. Get you somewhere warm and dry.”

Your hand grabbed him and you pulled him along, inside the cinema where a few people threw glances at you, no surprise, thinking how his appearance must have looked to any of them. 

Finally, after minutes must have passed, Yunho found his voice again, although it was far from its usual self: “Y/N?” It was as he needed confirmation that this was truly you and you were here with him.

“Sh, sit! We can worry about the rest later.”

You replied and pulled the wet scarf from his neck and forced him to shrug out of his coat. His cheeks started to turn red as he watched how you took care of him, using your own scarf to ruffle his hair a little more dry, and looked over his figure.

“Why are you so reckless? Standing in the rain like that. You always get a cold so easily,” you finally sat still and looked at him.

Yunho no longer could change it, he had to reach out and cup your face and you held still like you understood he needed to do this to be sure, that you really just had come back to him.

You always came running towards him while all he was doing was waiting. 

“I guess, I was waiting for you,” he whispered and hated how his eyes got wet again, how the tears would not stop from floating. The moment your arms curled around him, he found himself burying his face against your shoulder, feeling your hands soothingly brushing over the back of his neck. 

“It’s okay, I am here now. There, no reason to worry about it. I won’t go anywhere.” 

It didn’t feel like seven years were apart this moment and the last time you held each other in your arms just like that.

Yet, the familiarity finally managed to make him relax and he whispered your name again, wanting to make sure you knew.

It was hard seeing Yunho like that, his beautiful smile absent from his handsome face. Maybe it was a stupid idea for you to act like that, to say the things you did but then, was it? Did you not just admit to yourself how you longed for him, waiting for anything even close to what the two of you once shared to come into your life? 

People were staring, they always did and you did not worry about it, let them watch how somebody had a hard day. If they knew how seven years, almost a decade of separation was between the two of you, would they still?

Yunho finally seemed to relax, his fingers now took your hands and he looked at them like it was the first time, his thumb brushing over the soft skin. There was no rush, now that the two of you sat here together, if anything rush was what you feared, the thought of him leaving pushed far into the back of your mind.

“My apartment is close by,” Yunho finally said. “If you do not mind we skip the movie, I guess you are right and I should get something dry to wear.” 

Even if he tried to hide just how nervous he was to ask you that, it was easy to tell because you knew him better than anyone else and it seemed, the love of your life did not change to much, even with seven years passing by since you last held him in your arms.

It was the tears in his eyes back in the rain that made you do this, your heart could not take it to see him like that, not after longing for the softness of his smile for so long. In that moment, all that mattered had been to stop those tears but you noticed them constantly threatening to return in the edge of his eyes.

“That seems like a good idea, let’s get you there then;” you nodded and carefully picked up the flowers again, waiting for Yunho to slip back into the wet coat but when you reached for the umbrella, he shook his head: “Let me take this one for us. You haven’t gotten very tall still, so this will be easier.”

His little joke helps you to relax and you nod: “Sounds good.”

Back in high school, the two of you often would walk like that to school, when it would not stop raining just back then you were holding hands and talking about silly nonsense. It seemed so far away now with the buzzing streets of the city, and people rushing by to be done with their day. You wondered if Yunho was thinking something similar: Did he think about all the past memories or maybe, even wish to reach out for your hand? 

You would take it without hesitation.

“There we are,” his gentle voice made you look up and you were surprised just how close it had been. There was an odd feeling in your stomach, thinking how often you walked this street to work but you never knew your high school sweetheart was living here.

At least, the guilt shrank a little when you stepped in and it was easy to see that Yunho only must have moved in recently, a dozen boxes still standing around, some halfway opened.

“It’s a little messy. I used to work at a different branch, I only came here like two months ago… I kept finding excuses to take my time with it,” he explained, likely having noticed your gaze. He placed the umbrella next to the door and stripped it out of his streetwear. You were here to ensure that he would be okay but Yunho instantly fell back into his patterns.

He always put everyone else first, especially you and he was quick to offer you some comfortable slippers, some that brought some color to his cheek because they had the shape of cute dogs. 

“Do you want something to drink? Soda, coffee, tea? I also have water, of course!” He looked at you with his big eyes and if you wouldn’t know better, he seemed nervous.

“How about I make us some tea and you change into something dry? I am sure I can find everything I need for that,” you replied, giving him a small and playful shove, ignoring that you no longer were teens but two people in their mid-20s working big jobs. 

There was a small pout on his face, followed by a sigh: “Fineee, I shall be going. See you in a minute.” You couldn’t hold back the chuckle when you watched him almost racing to what seemingly was his bedroom. 

After shrugging out of your shoes and jacket, you put up your scarf to dry before moving over to the kitchen area, putting the poor bouquet into a glass of clear water before slowly opening the cabinets which proved to be a challenge. Damn Yunho was a giant and everyday necessities were stored at a height comfortable for him, so you needed to grab a stool to reach the packages of tea. You were quite sure to hear a wardrobe often a few times too often in the bedroom, and small hisses which made you smile.

When the two of you went on your first date, it was a little like that too. His mother had told you to wait but when still wasn’t there after fifteen minutes, you sneaked upstairs to find him being lost of what to wear best to impress you. You shook your head, reminding yourself that this was different, and poured two cups of tea. 

The place felt like him, small little details were making it comfortable and warm. You sat down on the couch and allowed your gaze to wander until it got stuck on one particular photo on the wall: it was the class picture from the last yearbook before he was forced to change schools. 

“Feels like an eternity, right”? his warm voice filled the air and you met with his smile. His hair was still wet but he had changed into an oversized knitted sweater, showing a little bit of collarbone, and a fresh pair of jeans. Somehow, it made him look younger again.

“Right? I can’t believe we are supposed to have one of those class meetings next year, I really do not feel that old yet,” you casually joked back before leaning over, and offering him the other cup of tea: “There you go, you need to warm up, even with dry clothes.” 

He made a face but listened, sitting down next to you. When you saw he wasn’t even wearing socks, you sighed because there were many memories of small summer colds because Yunho just was so reckless.

“You really are something, Jeong Yunho!” Your arm reached over and you grabbed a blanket, starting to wrap him up until you were satisfied he looked warm and comfortable.

“I’m fine, I promise,” he replied, muttering into the tea. It seemed neither of you really wanted to ask or talk about how exactly he had ended up in the rain like that. Instead, you sat down on the couch next to him, turning around to cross your legs and sipping on your own tea. It was not really hard to see he had so many questions, and so did you.

“My workplace is really nearby, our internet went off today and I suddenly found myself with a free afternoon;” you started, just to offer him anything.

“Maybe it’s time for a cat, you know? I am going towards my thirties now, being a single cat owner is almost mandatory to me but the firm who owns my complex says no. I got a bunny instead, do you want to see a photo?” 

It was so easy just to chat with Yunho, and tell him everything and nothing important. Your mind just settled with a habit you forgot you once had and you leaned over to show him the photo of the white fuzzy loop bunny. “This is Fluffs, yes I named him so because he just has too much fur but he is very patient when it comes to brushing.”

Yunho looked up, giving you a silly smile: “Right, so much to your talent of naming things.” You both laughed together and he was looking at the photos you showed him but all so often, you could feel his gaze on your face.

Did you mention being single on purpose? Yes, because you did not want to waste time on those things when instead, you would selfishly just take anything he’d give to you, ignoring that every day eventually had an end.

“I think, those were all,” you nodded and kept your phone in your hands, hesitant before offering it to him, looking away.

“You know… if you give me your number, I could send you photos of him here and then?”

Now you finally really blushed and you could see how Yunho seemed happy about it. He bowed and took the phone, saving his number before offering it back: “I am waiting patiently for updates.” 

It was when your fingers touched again and for a moment, the two of you held in and looked at each other. The cups both rested on the small couch table at this point and allowed for Yunho to be just a little daring because he was leaning closer, the blanket slipping off his shoulder. And then, his big hands rested on your face, one gently cupping your chin as your eyes met.

Words would be hard right now, there was no way to describe the sorrow of separation, the years of yearning and looking for something only one other person could give you. Regret would be wasted because there was no way to bring back what was lost but maybe, there was something true about the saying how one still had this very moment.

If this had been a movie, viewers would be disappointed now, because there was no kiss, no deep devotion of love. Yunho allowed his forehead to rest against yours, his arms finally curled around your body and he pulled you closer. His face was properly buried against his neck and you could feel the tears against your skin, the way his body tensed, and then, the small soft sobs that escaped him. 

You did not know why Yunho was in so much sorrow. Of course, your heartbreak had been intense too, you did not even go to prom on your graduation because all you could think was how he was not there. And in every important event of your life since, when couples embraced, your coworkers were picked up by their spouse, you thought of him.

Yeah, you really were a pitiful thing because how could you think of him every time but you never managed to get yourself out there looking? Times had been there, once, when you met his brother but he would not tell you anything other than Yunho was doing fine… and you just left it like that. 

“Hey there, look at me,” you finally very slowly moved after letting him cry for some time, now you captured his face: “It’s okay.”

But you could read it off his face: “It’s my fault. If not for me being so careless, we never would have broken up and I’d not … you’d not have to cry so much.”

You were relieved that he was not withdrawing but only looked away: “I was… stupid. I thought, that so many people had done it before so why not us? I meant to wait until we had graduated…But my mom found it and then she just lost it. My parents wouldn’t listen when I told them it was not like that, how it did not mean I planned not going to college, just that we wanted to go together and how I’d not see why not…”

Yunho seemed not to hold it back much longer but only a few things made sense. You could remember that day, in the morning everything had been perfect until you two came back from a small summer trip. His and your parents sitting together, then telling you how the relationship they supported for two years suddenly was no longer acceptable, how it would affect your grades and future, so they would no longer allow for it.

The way you both begged them, saying it wasn’t true and how you would surely go to college, do all of those things but they would not have it, Yunho’s parents already signed him into another high school.

“What do you mean?” you carefully asked, thumb brushing over his cheek.

“I brought a ring, from the money I made at the Summer job. I knew it would be the last chance to save up before college. I wanted to propose to you when we would have graduated, I knew how dumb I was back then but I just knew that you should be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. When my mother found the ring by accident… she misunderstood it.”

Your mouth formed a small "Oh" because suddenly, it made sense. Yunho’s parents were kind people, but they always would do what they thought was best for their son and finally, you understood. Yunho must have blamed himself for all of this in the past seven years. The thought pained you greatly.

“Oh Yunho, we were barely seventeen and our parents had all of those great hopes and dreams for how the lives of their children should be. This is not your fault,” you pulled him into another hug and his tall form clung to you.

This was not his fault and suddenly, you came to accept nor was it yours. Yes, you could have looked for him but back then, there was nothing you could have done in that very moment, except to be reckless but this would not have been who you fell in love with. You two were in love but always caring for your families, like most kids.

For a moment, you hesitated and it was a foolish question but it blurred out before you knew it: “Do you still have it…?”

He knew exactly what you were talking about and moved back a little, his arm rubbing over his eyes in an attempt to get rid of the tears.

Yunho stood up slowly, moving to one of the boxes before he opened it. You remembered that silly shoe box he pulled out, covered in stickers and polaroids you took together. His fingers were gentle when he revealed a small satin box and walked back over to you.

There was a moment of hesitation before he opened it to show you the ring. It was delicate but simple, just a small silver band with yours and his name craved in and likely room for a date for the day of the proposal. It really suited him but also you because you never liked bulky or lavish details in jewelry. 

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered and he looked at you. Yunho swallowed before he moved to sit a little closer to you again. His beautiful hands were almost a little shaking when he lifted your left hand, waiting for a moment to see if you’d pull back but when you did not, the ring slipped on your finger and even after all those years, it was a perfect fit.

“It was always meant for you, so you should have it,” he whispered. This time, you were the one to shift, moving towards him and placing yourself onto his lap. 

“Yunho, you know I always waited for you, right? Even if I was so foolish this once not to rush towards you… nobody ever could fill that spot you left, it’s like it was always yours, just waiting for you to come back to it.”

The metal of the ring was cool against his skin when he reached out for this hand and placed kisses on it.

“You were the only one who ever really belonged to me.” 

The two of you were searching for something, but it was easy to find in each other’s eyes. “Then this time, let’s make sure it doesn’t stay empty,” you whispered. “I promise if you are late, I will come, running right towards you. Leave it to me, you won’t ever feel alone again.” 

Yunho looked at you before he pulled you into a hug: “You won’t have to run towards me again because now that you are back where you belong, I promise I won’t ever let go again.” You nuzzled your head against his shoulder and sighed in relief.

For a while, he just pulled the blanket over your figures, now feeling an awful lot exhausted. This was not how you imagined this day to turn out to be but it was perfect just like that. There was no reason to speak anymore, the comfort was given just by each other’s company and eventually, the two of you relaxed, laying down on the couch, Yunho holding you tightly in his arms as you closed your eyes and drifted off.

It looked like he fell asleep a little after you. Yunho stirred, his neck a little stiff from the uncomfortable couch. The moment he reached out for you and the spot was empty, his eyes widened and he sat up, mind split between barely awake and fear. 

He still could hear the fall of rain outside, splattered the windows but it had gotten dark, nightfall had come and only left small traces of light from the street lamps. Your phone wasn’t there either. Yunho panicked, he almost fell off the couch.

“Y/N?!”

The way he called out for you was a mix of fear and maybe more desperate than he wanted to admit. The idea of losing you again, he could not bear it. There was no way he could do this again and as his bare feet walked over the cool wooden flooring, rushing towards the front door, a wave of light blinded him, coming from his bedroom.

“Yunho? I’m sorry, my boss called me, she wouldn’t stop. I told her, I have to take a sick day tomorrow 'cause I got into the rain… hey, what’s up?”

He reached out for you right away, hugging you tightly: “Just a bad dream, I thought you were gone.”

It was barely a whisper but you understood him right away.

Just as you always did. 

“Not going anywhere anymore,” you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before taking his hand, taking a step back, and pulling him towards the bedroom.

“And where to? We have so much to do you, you know? Meet your colleagues, and then you meet mine. Take cute photos, try cake! Lots of cake! Decide what place we like best.”

Yunho blinked as he fell onto his bed with you. This was much more comfortable and he pulled you close, placing kisses over your shoulder before resting his chin on top of your head.

“Cake and places?” he asked before leaning back to look you in the eyes.

You had this incredibly cute and confident grin on your lips and now that he thought of it, it was more sexy than adorable. You had become such an incredible person and he could not wait to spend the rest of his life with you. To have the person he loved the most by his side again while also learning all about what was new.

Nothing would separate you again. 

“Well, we have been engaged for eight years now, yes? I think, it’s about time we do the thing!”

Yunho blushed as he looked at you and your features softened but the two of you knew it was true.

Because, the two of you always belonged to each other, been each others', and even with so many years apart, it never would change just that.

“I love you,” he whispered, and his heart jumped when you said those words he longed to hear again for so long back right away.

Without hesitation.

You were together

The drum of rain gently fell against the window. Autumn had come. 

But maybe with the right person by your side, it always could be summer.

[totaly-obsessed]

hiii! i love ur work so much!!!! i was wondering if i can request a kcc fic where she gets jealous hehehehehehe

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Kyra Cooney-Cross x reader request

-> Kyra finds out that she is not the favorite aunt or girlfriend

-> Hope you like it Anon, even though you probably meant a different jealousy haha

➳ Masterlist

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

The national break was always a welcome break from the daily club life, even if the World Cup was not that long ago. You had arrived together with the other Matilda’s that played in England. The plane journey was a long one, but one most of you were accustomed to by now.

Your plan for it? Sleeping. As much as you could. Trainers and mostly everybody you knew tried to tell you that it was bad, but you didn’t really listen – the want to sleep much too big.

Sam, your club teammate sat next to you, anxiously chewing her nails for most of the trip as she was one of the worst fliers you knew. Your captain was always thankful to sit next to you, as you calmed her down with your deep sleep and not a care in the world.

The two seats across from you were occupied by Mary and Kyra who were playing cards, bored out of their minds. Eventually, it was the new Arsenal signing who kicked your feet to wake you. “Huh? Are we there yet?” The two started laughing at your startled face and at how fast you had sat up in your seat. “No, still a while out. You’re playing cards with us.”

It wasn’t a question, Kyra knew that you would just roll your eyes and close them again, desperate for sleep. But she also knew that even you couldn’t resist her puppy eyes, so she batted her lashes at you, knowing that you would cave in.

The two of you had been dating for over a year now. Her joining Arsenal had been the best thing ever – you finally moved in together, which was quite hard with the midfielder playing in Sweden before. Even with the both of you on rival London teams, it was the best thing ever.

When in public Kyra might seem like the excited, touchy one when in private it was you who would simply refuse to let the brunette go, cuddling as close to her as you could. So whipped as you are, you played cards with them and even managed to get Sam to play as well.

“Man, I can’t wait to see Harps again. She grows so quickly.” This has been Kyra’s first time being away for such a long time from the toddler since meeting her. The two-year-old quickly found her way into all the Matilda’s hearts, helping the team relax after a long day, her gleeful giggles sounding through the halls of the facility. “Me neither, maybe she finally decides to be a striker.” Sam was back to consciousness, always happy to talk about the youngest team member – also distracting herself from flying. None of you could help but laugh, knowing that if little Harper decided to be a footballer one day, she would follow in her mother’s footsteps and become a midfielder.

The rest of the journey was long and hard, you were just happy to have Kyra at your side, knowing that you didn’t need to talk, the brunette filling the silence all by herself.

When the group of you arrived at the team hotel it was already late in the day but most of the Tillies that roamed the halls were excited to see each other again after a very successful World Cup. “Auntie Y/N!” A small body made its way through the sea of players, crashing into your open arms as you couched down, ready to hug her. “Harps!” Giggles filled the room as you threw her up in the air and caught her again.

You could feel Katrina’s watchful eyes on you but the short midfielder was never worried when Harper was with you. With Charlie and Kyra? Panic. But once you joined them? Everything was alright. It wasn’t like you were more mature, but the way you carried yourself; serious and careful when needed but you also knew how to have fun – the perfect combination.

“Harper look, Kyra’s here too!” Your girlfriend tried to get the girl's attention but she was much too busy playing with your hair, telling you the story of how her favorite stuffy had found its way to Australia. “Babe, I’ll go make out with Charls, yeah?” When you didn’t even react, the midfielder scoffed offended.

She just got replaced by a two-year-old.

Kyra didn’t know who she envied more. You for being Harper's favorite auntie, or Harper for having all your attention when in the same room.

Once back on the ground, the toddler grabbed your hand, swiftly pulling you out to a field, commanding you to grab a ball. The rest of the Matildas watched in awe as their very stoic teammate turned to mush once the tiny blonde shouted “Again!” signaling you to roll the ball to her so that she could kick it back.

“My girlfriend just got stolen.” The young Arsenal player’s mouth was wide open as Harper took you from her, in broad daylight. Harper kept pulling you out on the field further and further until you couldn’t hear the teasing anymore – not that you paid it any mind.

“Kyra just got replaced!” It was Mackenzie who started joking at their young teammate's expanse. “I still have an open room, should harper take your bed as well!” But it was Caitlin who caused the brunette to whine in defeat.

Katrina knew that you were up to no good when she saw you crouched on the floor, telling Harper something while pointing at the rest of the Matilda’s at the side of the pitch – a devious smile on your face.

Just a few short moments her daughter ran towards them, as fast as she could, arms wide open an excited smile on her face. “Auntie!” Kyra had now crouched down as well, copying your previous action, opening her arms as the small blonde raced directly toward her.

“C’mere Harps!” But Harper had a different plan, throwing herself on the ground as she army-crawled through the midfielder's legs – jumping into Alanna’s strong arms, who stood directly behind Kyra. The crowd erupted in laughter, as you made your way back to them, a sly smirk still on your lips, seeing your girlfriend's very prominent pout as Sam patted her back. “Not the favorite girlfriend, not the favorite aunt – Man, that’s gotta hurt."

[scarletrosesstuff]

Younger Woman

John Price x Younger!Fem!Reader

Summary: Soap was casually scrolling through Instagram and saw a video posted with someone he thought he recognised. .

Warnings: Age gap (Reader is 18+), swearing, fluff & tattooed Price.

No one knew anything about Price's private life. He never spoke of anything outside of work. They all questioned him, about his life, his sex life and his family life. But he never gave anything away.

He didn't see the point, you were his. He wanted his work life and private life separate. He loved you and wanted to keep you safe from anything to do with his other life.

The only two people who knew about you were Laswell and Nik. He trusted them the most, but also you were his emergency contact in case anything were to happen to him.

They both were a little sceptical with you at the start seeing how much younger you were compared to Price. They worried you were only in the relationship for money and military benefits. But that wasn't the case, they saw how you looked at each other with so much love and care they quickly forgot about their initial thoughts.

They promised Price they'd never mention you in front of anyone, not even his own squad. He felt bad for not sharing but he just wasn't ready for that part of his life to be so open.

But what Price didn't think would happen, happened.

Before you even met Price you had an influencer lifestyle, you made videos of yourself baking, and general lifestyle content. John didn't see an issue with it, he was impressed you had a successful career at such a young age.

The only thing John wouldn't allow was his face to be on camera. You promised you wouldn't but checked it was okay you could film without his face which he agreed. And it had worked until a video you posted while he was away on a mission.

He saw the notification and smiled. He opened it up to see that it was a compilation of your holiday in Italy. It was mostly of you that he filmed or you had filmed but the clip caught his attention. He didn't worry, he smiled seeing you lay on his chest in the sun. You looked so happy and relaxed as you placed a soft kiss against his chest.

He felt a boost of pride that it was only him who made you feel like that. He casually went to the comments seeing people complementing you and him being such a cute couple. But then saw a familiar name comment on the video.

It was Soap tagging Gaz and Ghost in the comments with a caption saying. 'That tattoo looks a lot like Prices.' Price froze as he watched the video again seeing the videos of him without his face but his tattoos on full show. He started to panic, he knew it wasn't your fault but he knew you should have been more careful.

John started to think of ways to hide it when he heard a knock on his office door. "Yeah!" He shouted as Soap let himself in with a smirk. "What is it you want?"

"Not much just wanted to check in."

"Really?" John said frowning. He folded his arms up against his chest. "Why is that?"

"Not much… How was your break?" Soap asked casually seeing opposite Price. He crossed his legs up against the desk.

"Fine." He grunted out.

"Go anywhere nice, you looked like you caught a tan?"

"As i matter of fact I did."

"Italy by chance?" Soap asked smirking as Price sighed pinching the bridge of his nose to calm himself.

"Yep." He gave him a one-word answer.

"It looked nice. She's quite young."

"What?"

"The lass in the video is a bit young for you."

"It's none of your business." He smirked liking the fact that he had you in his life. He felt so young around you.

"You dirty dog!" Soap laughed seeing the smirk on John's face. "How long have you been keeping this private?"

"About a year."

"I have so many questions. First of all, how did you meet her?"

"She moved in next to me, and I helped her move in."

"Nice. And also when can we meet this girl?"

"Never."

"What?! Why?!" Soap felt a little offended.

"I don't want you scaring her away."

"If anyone is to scare her away it would be Ghost, not me."

"Well, we'll never find out because you'll never meet her." Just as he said that the phone rang. Your face lit up his screen. Soap quickly took it away from him and answered the phone.

"Hello Lass." He shouted down the finally.

"Erm… Hi, is John there?" You asked confused with the voice who answered.

"I'll it on pass to lover boy." Price snatched the phone out of his hand and pointed towards his door. "Fuck off." Soap put his hands up in defence.

"Alright am going. But am being serious Price, Good on ya for getting that lass." He said before leaving. Price softly smiled when he heard your voice speak to him.

"Hi love, sorry about that."

[loverslodge]

foolish ones

summery: can your love love you back?

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warning: self-harm, blood loss, fist fight major angst, fluff, smut, happy ending

A/N: if you like sharon, sorry for the slander. also, this is my first smut with baby boy so please indulge. i have hots for him but i was suffering through my own mental health when i wrote this. also i was so close to changing ending but refrained because i love my baby boy a lot.

It broke her heart. She thinks everyone around her heard it break. All but one. Sharon had her arms around Captain America and they were kissing with what looked like passion. She knew she wasn't good enough for him but seeing him with her hurt her more than she had thought.

She didn't tell anyone about her love for her teammate. What was there to tell when everyone could see her cheeks turn pink every time he talked to her and her eyes twinkle every time he walked in the room. She always tried to keep her distance though. She did not want to seem clingy to Steve. Even when she would not be in a good mood, she would see Steve and her eyes would twinkle with momentary happiness. She never really showed her vulnerability to him. She didn't want him to think she was powerless. She knew of his history. She knew he had always loved Peggy, mostly because she was a powerful woman. She would often feel a pang in her heart when she saw him with Natasha because she saw a potential there. But she had convinced herself that no matter what, she would be happy for him.

She never had a successful track record of relationships. She dated because the men liked her and not the other way around. She never dated anyone she liked because she would always be rejected by them. They would stop talking to her or ignore her or cut her off without telling her why. She expected the same from Rogers so she never confessed. She had many opportunities. She dropped hints though. Which was picked up by everyone on the team but Steve. You saw girls flirt with him, you saw him come back in the mornings after his dates. But you were always happy to see him, always there for him, always the woman behind the big curtain of Steve’s life.

Wanda and Natasha always helped distract you. So did Sam, Tony, Bruce, Clint and Bucky. Especially Bucky. Even Thor and Loki but Bucky was always there to catch your heartbreaking expressions. He always cheered you up when he would see shed or unshed tears over Steve. You did not like going to clubs a lot but at times, you would accompany the team to let loose. Your eyes always followed Steve. It would break you to see him others but Natasha would always try to block your view of him and offer you your favourite wine.

You could not cut him off, no matter how hard you tried. Mostly because you were the one he got vulnerable with, other than Natasha, Bucky and Tony. he would ask your advice on how to date women, what to reply to their flirty texts or even what would be good food for each particular woman he went out with. One day, you did it. You mustered up courage to tell Steve how you felt.

“Hey Steve, can I talk to you, privately?”

You were in the kitchen where Natasha, Wanda, Vision, Bucky and Sam were having breakfast with him. All of them looked at you with surprised eyes. They did not expect you to confess, especially when they thought you were joking last night. It was a movie night in the compound yesterday and everyone but Steve were present. He had a mystery date. During the rom-com, a discussion of love confessions began. Everyone talked about their way of confessing and then it was your turn. They all looked at you.

“I would just walk up to the guy and tell him I like him. I would also tell him that he needs to feel no pressure to like me back. I just had a feeling I needed to get out and it is now out. I hope this does not disturb our dynamics.”

They knew that is exactly what you'll say because these words sounded rehearsed. They kind of were. You had run these words in your mind over and over again to make them sound as much less pressured as possible. And when you woke up that day, you wanted them out. You wanted to say them to Steve out loud. You went with zero expectations because if you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed. But you were expecting something here, with Steve. Your dynamics with Steve was different, there was a love you had sensed in his gentle touches, his laughter with you and especially his way of standing very close to you.

“I like you, Steve.” You immediately let it out, as soon as you close the door of your room behind you.

“I like you too, y/n.” he chuckles. “What is it?”

“No no. Not like a friend. I like you. More than friends. I have been, for a while. I, uh, wanted to get it out of the way. I really do like you a lot but that doesnt mean I am asking for any commitment from you. I just, the feelings are strong and I needed to say it out loud. I just hope this, my so-called confession, does not change the dynamics between us. I like what we are now and I don't want you to feel any pressure. It was a statement, I wanted to let you know.”

You didn't realize you had run out of breath, or you were holding it in. you were looking at Steve, taking in his expressions. They went from furrowed eyebrows to a stoic face to relief after your last statement.

“Oh good! I thought our friendship would be affected. You are such a dear friend to me and I don't want to lose that. Also, your advice with girls has been working wonders for me.” He hugs you. The hug might be warming your body but the pang in your heart is making the surrounding colder. “And I have been meaning to share a big news with you. I was going to tell everyone but I wanted to tell you this first. Sharon and I are finally going out together. Yesterday, it was her I went out with. The date went amazing and maybe I'll ask her to be my girlfriend. Your advice to approach her worked so well!”

Today, seeing them together, arm in arm, killed you inside. He proposed to her. He still called you a dear friend. It was a very happy occasion but nobody was happy and Steve was oblivious to it. He had been oblivious to a lot of things but there were things, on the compound, that even his friends tried to tell him, or dropped hints about, about Sharon but he wasn't ready to see them. Sharon was smirking at everyone, especially you. You smiled widely, politely, for Steve. This was the day when your heart was finally crushed and you knew that Steve will never see you for you.

Steve and Sharon weren't even dating that long. What was it? Six months. And then there was this engagement. Steve did not know how badly Sharon had been treating not just you but almost everyone. She kept on reminding and taunting Bucky of his past, she would call Natasha a slutty assassin with zero integrity, she would taunt Wanda about her tortured past and you were favourite victim. She would comment about your weight, make you question your friendship with the rest of the team and explicitly tell you that you were nothing but a joke in Steve’s life.

Bucky was always very close to telling Steve about Sharon’s evil stepmother behaviour but you always stopped him. You did not want Steve to be unhappy. He looked happy after so long, after Peggy. You cried every night though, or sometimes, in the middle of the day. If Steve ever caught you crying, you would blame it on some book you read. But everyone knew why. One day, when you were in the kitchen chopping vegetables, your brain went to a very familiar dark place. If it wasn't for Wanda, you would have used the knife not just for vegetables, again. From that day onwards, somebody would always be around you, hovering. Steve’s girlfriend’s taunts were the final straws to your already affected mental health. Steve did not know about any of this because Sharon would not let him. She had started to stray him away from everyone.

Tony had had it enough. He, very generously, arranged for an engagement party for Rogers and Sharon. The party was going fantastic and everyone was having the time of their lives. Steve and Sharon were smiling, standing arm in arm and greeted every guest. Tony saw everything that went down in his party. He saw Sharon shove you in a corner, he saw Sharon pour her cocktail on your head and he also heard the profanities she spewed about everybody to demean you. She made it a point to show you that you were a nobody and that the team just tolerated you and Steve was just being nice because you had manipulated him. Tony also heard you defend everyone by name, everyone but yourself.

Steve saw you leave. He felt a pang in his heart. He could not ignore you anymore. He had started to see Sharon trying to monopolize his time. He had started to see the team being distant and he also saw them hovering around you, especially when you are around sharp objects. He did see that your hand was wrapped in bandage and everyone in the compound was stressed but Sharon would not let him talk to you. She said you were just trying too hard to be his friend and that he should not give into your whims.

Steve wanted to follow you but Sharon appeared out of nowhere with a wide smile and a fully filled glass of cocktail. He knew this was new because no way did she finish the previous one so fast. Steve looked around and found his team had started to form a circle, the discussion between them looked serious and Tony looked very angry. Pepper was stopping him from doing something and very soon he saw Bucky run towards the elevator. Wanda was looking at Vision who was reassuring her and Natasha dragged Bruce away to a more quiet corner. He saw Hulk trying to take over but Natasha was handling it.

Steve had been feeling pangs every time he saw you. He missed your smile, your giggles and your tiny comments that had him laughing for a long time. He hadn't seen you smile in a long time. Every time now, after announcing his relationship with Sharon, he saw your light dim. He noticed your lack of appetite, he noticed your dull face and he noticed your sad eyes. He also noticed that your eyes would still twinkle, every time he walked in the room but the light left it just as immediately. He hasn't hugged you in a long time. He started to remember how much he was all over you. He loved to hug you, hold your hand and hover over you. He loved when you sat to discuss something together, your foreheads were always touching. He loved how every time, you would nudge his forehead with yours and they would giggle about it. He loved how close he was to you, physically and otherwise. He also missed his friends though. He missed hanging out with everyone.

Sharon had started showing her cracks and Tony had had enough. When Bucky ran after you to make sure you didn't do something stupid, Pepper dragged him away to calm him down. He yelled about how dumb Steve is for a superhero and how he wished he could start the war between them all over again. Pepper was calmly listening to his rant when suddenly she gasped. She saw Steve standing at the door and seeing his expressions, it seemed that he had heard some things that Tony was ranting about. Tony saw Steve and rushed to him, grabbing his collar.

“You are the dumbest person ever. You let a wonderful woman slip to get with a fucking ungrateful bitch. I don't care if she's your fiancee anymore. I will not have her in this compound any longer. If you want to marry her, do it but do not expect anybody to be present for you. She will never step foot in this place. This is a safe space and she ruined it for her. She ruined her peace, her sanity and her heart and so did you. Walk away Rogers before I pull an iron punch.”

Steve was baffled by this. What had happened? What did Sharon do? Was Tony talking about you? Did everyone know you had confessed your feelings for him? It did anger him. He thought that that conversation was between him and you but if everyone knew then it was embarrassing. He started walking in your room’s direction. He wanted answers, until he saw a crowd in front of your room. He saw Sam trying to calm Bucky and Vision was standing at the door, as if waiting for something. His pace slowed. He saw your room open with Wanda all teary eyed. She nodded at Vision and held the door open for him. Bucky wanted to go in but Wanda patted his chest to back off. He saw blood on Wanda’s dress. Were you hurt? Was there an attack?

Steve was approaching the scene slowly. Bruce was the first one to walk out of the door. He looked at everyone and said something in a low voice, so low that all he heard was “increase hovering.” Bruce moved aside and out stepped Vision and Natasha. Even her dress was bloodied. When Bucky turned, he saw his hands were covered in blood and so were his clothes. His eyes were rimmed red from tears. Natasha, too, was crying. Bruce wrapped his arms around her. Natasha’s eyes snapped at him and so did everyone else’s. He walked closer and saw Bucky carrying a bloodied knife. It was your knife. He had seen you rave about a pink handled small knife that made it easier for her to cut things. He would always see you use that whenever you cooked. It was your favourite knife.

Bucky tried to jump on him but Vision held him back. Natasha looked at him and shook her head. “Bruce, please bring my night clothes. I will stay with her tonight.” “So will I.” Wanda said in a very wobbly tone. Vision rubbed her back. Steve was very confused.

“What is going on?” Steve heard Tony come behind him. Natasha pointed her head at the knife and it was as if Tony knew. He wanted to go in your room but Pepper held him back. “Let her rest tonight, dear. We will come by tomorrow. We all are exhausted. Let's end the party downstairs and go to bed.”

Steve was still clueless. He had no idea what happened. If you were attacked then why was Tony not making plans to get revenge? Why were everyone crying and being so calm about it?

“Why is her knife in your hand, Bucky? Why is there blood on your clothes? Somebody tell me what is going with her!” His voice rose. He didn't know he cared so much about you. You weren't a field agent. You were more, staying in the compound and analyzing data kind of agent. You did learn self defense but it obviously was never a skill you ever had to use. The team saw to it. He saw to it.

“Oh now you care! Now you want to ask how she is? Where were you six months ago? Hell, where were you today? Why the fuck are you here now? Why do you care?” Bucky burst out. Steve had never seen Bucky angry at him. Sam shakes his head and pulls Bucky back before he could punch Steve. He saw Bucky throw the knife in the trash and walk away.

“Nat? Wanda? What's wrong, why are you guys crying?”

“It must be because she must've manipulated them, again. She just never learns. I told her to stop using the Avengers as her private butlers so she pulled a stunt. Im sure it was just a ploy to get people to like her. Such a sick bitch. You guys should be-” Sharon’s rants were stopped by a sting on her cheek. Her head turned sideways and an angry hand print left on her cheek.

“Talk about her like that one more time and this wouldn’t end in just a slap. We've had enough of you. Walk out of the door before I throw you off the window.” Natasha coldly points at the elevator. “And you, Steve. Please, we don't want you here. At least, not right now. We are all exhausted. Let's talk tomorrow.” Natasha walks in your room with Wanda behind her. They closed the door before he could see you. But he did catch your glimpse, tucked in bed and eyes closed shut.

Steve could not sleep the entire night. Sharon beside him was no help either. She ranted all the way to her apartment about how the Avengers have fallen and that you were nothing but a pathetic excuse. Something about your sleeping did not sit right with him. After what he saw outside your room, he needed answers. He changed and drove to the compound. It was 5 in the morning and if he remembered correctly, Natasha would have gone combat training and Wanda would have gone to meditate in her room. Which meant you were in your room alone. Or so he thought. Tony had informed F.R.I.D.A.Y to keep an eye on you. So when Natasha and Wanda left your room, they activated FRIDAY who was told to alert any nearest Avenger about any movement in your room. Every Avenger, other than Steve, was on the list of calls. So when Steve opened the door to your room, which was surprisingly unlocked, a call went straight to the nearest Avenger, Bucky.

Steve stepped into your room and was immediately greeted by drips on your bedside. You were fast asleep because of the sedatives Bruce had given you. Your hand was bandaged and the only sound in the room were your soft snores. Steve, still confused, softly went near your hand. He also saw a large bruise on your arm and another bandage wrapped around your head. Why would no one tell him what happened? If you were attacked then why was he not informed. He is your emergency contact, why was he not contacted? Before he could even touch her hand, he felt a hand hold his shirt and drag him out of the room. He was thrown across by his own best friend.

“How dare you come to her room! Do not go near her or I swear I will forget you are my best friend. You have done enough damage. Walk away, Steve.”

“What have I done? I don't even know! What is wrong with her? Why is she so badly hurt? Why was I not informed of the attack in our home?” Steve shouted at Bucky. He saw everyone had started to gather around. He saw Bruce and Vision go into your room and slowly close the door behind them. “Why did they go into her room? She is vulnerable. I am not trusting them with her.” Steve tried to go in but was pushed back by Bucky. He stood in front of the door like a guard.

“What’s going on? I got a FRIDAY alert about y/n. Is she okay?” Both Natasha and Wanda rushed in.

“Bruce and Vision are in there with her. Steve here, was trying to touch her so I dragged him out. He has no right to be here, Nat. tell him to go away.” Bucky looked at him angrily.

“Buck, I know you are protective over her but i dont think Steve knows about any of this. Remember when we found out that Steve never got our texts because Sharon kept on deleting them? She has been doing that to him for so long that he doesn't even know.” Wanda, very slowly rubbed Bucky’s back to calm him.

This was news to Steve. He always trusted people around him too easily. Once he got with Sharon, he had given her all access to his phone. He did not know what she was doing behind his back. “What do you mean by deleting messages? What are you talking about?”

Natasha pulled his hand and took him to the living room. Bucky, Wanda, Sam and Clint followed. Bruce and Vision followed them not soon after. “She is fine. Still under the sedatives. She should be waking up in an hour or two.”

Natasha took Steve’s hand in her own. She looked up and saw a disheveled Tony walk in the living room. “I heard this is the place where we are doing interventions now. I'd like to begin. Rogers-”

“No Tony, I am beginning this. I should tell him in a very calm voice. You, Bucky and Bruce are just going to want to beat him up.” Natasha intervened.

“Steve, did you know that Sharon was manipulating you away from us? Did you know that when we sent you texts about our hangout plans, we either never got replies or we would get rude lengthy texts calling us clingy? Especially Y/N. We always told her to text you because you always listened to her but then she started to grow quieter and slowly she lost her glow, Steve. She thought you cut her off because she confessed to you and-”

“Did she tell you she confessed? Why would she do that? Isn't she embarrassed? Why-” Steve stopped when he saw Bucky trying to come for him again. Tony pulled Bucky down.

“She didn't have to, punk. She has been in love with you for five fucking years, you blind ass punk. The day you announced Sharon to us, we saw her die inside. We knew she was going to confess to you because we kinda forced her to think in that direction. We wanted her to confess to you so you would see you love her too and not Sharon. The only thing she told us was that she was so happy for you, she could die. She” Bucky choked and unshed tears resurfaced. Wanda rubbed his back.

“Steve, she loves you but she never pushed her love on you. She was happy with what she had with you. Do you even know that the way you used to treat her looked like you were her boyfriend. We all thought that your friendship was flourishing but every time you would go on dates, we all were waiting to hold her broken heart. She never let us. Hell, she was struggling with mental health and she never let us know! She looked like her usual self until your engagement broke the final thread that held her. You abandoned her, Steve. She-” Natasha started crying.

Steve did not realize that he had hurt you so bad. He did love you but he saw you were happy being his friend and he saw how much Bucky relied on you, he assumed-. But he shouldn't have. He asked you, a person who loved her, tips on how to impress other women and you gave him all honest answers. You never tried to sabotage his love life. You never did what Sharon is doing. Steve would have done everything he did for other women for you. He could've been engaged to you right now if he hadn't been so blind.

“But why are you crying? What happened to her?” Steve wanted answers now. If she was so in love with him then why didn't she fight for him? Why was she lying there like a dead-

“Steve,” Wanda started in a small voice. “Why would she fight for you when she knew you already were set on someone else? She confessed to you and you still went for Sharon. Why would she fight after that? Did you know she used to self harm? Even when you were her friend, did you even notice the bandaids she had on her hands? If it wasn't for Bucky, we would have lost her a long time ago. Bucky noticed her pulling bandages off of her hand and saw the cuts. He talked to her, she cried and he helped her stop. She was clean for two years until she wasn't. You broke her Steve but what broke her more was Sharon. Did you even know how much she has berated her? She would find a way to get Y/N alone and berate her to no end.”

Wanda took a deep stuttering breath. Vision hugged her tightly and she buried her head in his chest. Tony cleared his throat and continued. “Wanda caught her trying to self harm again after Sharon left the kitchen. If it wasn't for Wanda, we would've lost Y/N that day. Since that day, we all met and decided to never leave her alone. We would not let sharp objects near her for a long time. As soon as she was done with her task, we would take it away. She knew why and never questioned it. Yesterday crossed all limits though, Rogers. You never came to talk to her. You didn't even bother to talk to her and then that psycho bitch did it. She pulled Y/N in a secluded corner and berated not just her but us too. She told her that you were her pet and would do what she wanted. She said she would control you to put Avengers in their right place which was behind the bars or underground. She poured her cocktail on her head, Steve! Her head! She even tried to rip her dress because she was jealous how beautiful she looked! Y/N ran away. I gathered them and told them everything. Bucky ran after her because he knew she would do something again and she did. By the time Bucky reached, it was too late, she had lost a lot of her blood and her bedroom floor was all blood. She had hit her head and hand on her vanity when she fell. Bucky asked FRIDAY for help and that's what you saw last night. Even though I raised protection on her, Natasha and Wanda wanted to stay with her.”

“You have done enough damage, Steve. Please go away. Go back to your Sharon. We have no hard feelings against you but we really don't want Sharon here. You can marry her and retire but do not talk to Y/N ever again. She's had enough.” Bruce chimed in. Everyone nodded. He had not just lost Y/N but also every friend of his. He knew you were sensitive but never thought that you would-

“Please, let me meet her. Once. please. If she tells me to go away, I will walk away. But if she tells me to stay, I will fight for her.” Steve begged and looked at Bucky. He knew Bucky would be the last hurdle to reach to you.

“So you will still marry Sharon after everything you learnt about the evil stepmother. Wow Steve, I never thought you had zero backbone in the relationship. If you want to talk to her, leave Sharon. You have a choice Steve, either pick Sharon or pick Y/N and with Y/N, come us.” Bucky glares at Steve haughtily.

“It's not so simple, Bucky. We made a public announcement. I cannot just take it back. The world knows.”

“It is an engagement. It can be broken. You will let yourself marry a manipulator than be with the woman who makes you happy! Hah! The integrity of America really is as sturdy as you. Listen very carefully, Rogers, you always have a choice but I think Sharon is making all the decisions here. Also, here. Watch this. Maybe you will finally know what woman you are going to marry. Let's go everyone, I want to see if Y/N is fine.” Tony got up and pulled everyone out of the room, leaving Steve with the ipad full of videos of Sharon berating you and you standing tall for your friends. Not yourself, but your friends. Yesterday’s video broke his heart. He could hear his laughter in the background while you were drenched in her cocktail. Tony was right, he had to make the right choice.

You wake up and the first thing you see is Bucky holding your hand. You smiled slightly and Bucky released his breath. “They all want to meet you.” You nodded and everyone poured in. your eyes were glancing around to catch the glimpse of that one person. You saw his head at the very end, outside the door. Bucky knew you wanted Steve to be here but he or anyone else wasn't going to let Steve in till he made a decision and he had hurt you enough for them to become this protective over you.

Steve saw them pour in your room and he just stood outside your door, he caught your eye and that halted his breath. Even in this condition, you were choosing him. Not out loud but he saw the way your eyes were searching for him in the crowd and the way they twinkled, just enough to give him strength to break things off. He wanted to run in your room and shake you and talk sense into you and tell you how sorry he is. He ran.

He drove like a madman back to Sharon’s apartment and started packing as soon as he walked through the door. He hadn't had a chance to shift his stuff from the compound to her place. Sharon just bought him everything new because she said she wanted to build a new life with him. How blind was he? How did he not see what she was trying to do? He heard Sharon yelling for his attention but he was too busy stuffing his clothes in his gym duffle bag that he brought with him. He saw his electronics on Sharon’s side of the bed. He knew she was stalking him through those so he did what any insane, high on adrenaline person would do. He picked those up and smashed them on the floor. He heard Sharon screech like a vulture but he didn't care. He stepped on them many times to destroy every last bit of them. He took off his ring and suddenly, he could breathe clearly. He saw Sharon with disheveled hair, standing in the living room. He threw the ring at her feet and walked out. No explanation.

He drove back to the compound. He saw everyone training. When they saw his car back in the compound, it had been almost 6 in the evening. They all saw him run in the residential area. They knew he was rushing to meet you but they also knew he would not meet her today. Steve rushed to her room but as soon as he opened the door, he saw Bucky standing with his back to the door and mild beeping in the back. His heart sank. Bucky turned around and pushed Steve out of the room.

“Did you not break Sharon’s phone while you were breaking yours?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sharon called. She spewed so much nonsense and called her words. She called her a homewrecker. Y/N broke down and her pressure increased. I called for Bruce but between the blood loss and the agitation, she took a hit and she had to be attached to the heart monitor to make sure she stays calm. Honestly Steve, good decision but you could have handled it better. Now please go. I don't have energy left in me to even punch you.”

All Steve caught was another glimpse of yours and it broke his heart. He had made you suffer so much. You were right there. All along. He lost you. He went back to his room. It still had your lingering faint smell. You loved roses and the last time you were in his room, for a reason, you left a part of you. He looked around. He saw his shirts were neatly hung in the closet and so were his Henley’s and pants. He never left it this neat. It was all you. He turned to his bed and saw slight smudge on his pillow. He looked at it closely and saw that they were the smudges of your tears. Tears filled his eyes and he broke down crying. He held his head in his hand and cried about all the times you were so close to him. He could have kissed you and you would have let him.

Bucky never left your side. You wanted to ask about Steve but everytime everyone would avoid his topic. It had been two weeks. You were off of your bed and moved around the compound. You hadn't run into Steve yet. More like, you were not made to run into Steve. Every time he was near, someone would distract you and take you away from the same area. Meanwhile Steve tried to redeem himself in the eyes of others. He did everything for everyone. He, many times, didn't realize that many of the demands made were for Y/N. tony was loving this torture phase of his. Natasha rolled her eyes at him. Tony had contacted the press and put out an exclusive article about the broken engagement of Captain America. He made sure to paint Captain in such a wonderful light that Sharon’s real colors were soon revealed. Sharon had pissed off a lot of people and it had all come to bite her in the ass. Y/N was kept away from every news article. Tony had made sure she never got her hands on news channels ever again. At least until he thinks it's safe for her.

It was the middle of the night and you had a mild nightmare. It had been three weeks since the Sharon incident but sometimes, she still haunted you. You woke up, unable to sleep. You used your bathroom and sighed. You were sleeping well, sure, because of your treatment but that did not make your face glow the way it used to. You noticed how dead you looked in the mirror. You walk out of your room and make your way to the kitchen. Maybe icecream would help. Sam said he bought your favorite.

There, in the kitchen light, you saw the person you least expected to see. Steve was sitting with his head hung low and drinking water. He woke up from another restless night and thought water might help. Your feet never made a sound but Steve always knew when you walked in. He had the same feeling right now. His eyes immediately shot up and there you stood, at the dining table, just 4 feet away from him. He did not move. His eyes wide. He did not want to scare you off. You walked slowly to the fridge, feeling his eyes on you. Goosebumps rose on your arms. You scooped icecream in a bowl and put it back in the fridge. It seemed the entire scene was going in slow-mo.

“Do you- do you want some?” You asked in a very quiet tone, not looking him in the eye. Your eyes were cast down and they dragged themselves to his hands. No ring. Her heart fluttered but she killed it with the memories of what had been.

“No. I, uh, i don't- Can I taste from your bowl? I've never tasted it even though I have been buying it for a really long time.” Steve looked at her. He wanted her to look him in the eye. He wanted to see the smile and twinkle in her eyes, every time she said hi to him. She nodded her head and sat down at the dining table. Steve followed you and sat down beside you, pulling the chair as close to you as you used to sit. He leaned closer and your foreheads almost touched.

She scooped some icecream on the spoon and offered it to Steve. He shook his head and turned her hand to her mouth. “You first.” you took the icecream in and a small moan escaped you. Something stirred in Steve. You scooped some more icecream and this time put it right on Steve’s lips. “You should try before I finish it off. This is my favourite. You are lucky I am even letting you taste mine.” Steve chuckled lightly and let her feed him. This time, you looked at his mouth and saw some icecream dribble from the side. With no thought in your head, you swiped your thumb and cleaned it off his mouth. He held your wrist and pulled you a little closer. Your breath hitched. He brought your thumb to his mouth and sucked it clean. Your eyes shot up to his and his eyes darkened. He wanted to kiss you right there. He saw desire in your eyes and he saw your eyes look back at his lips. But he controlled himself. He didn't want to kiss you just because the moment was hot. He wanted to kiss you after having a real conversation.

You felt the atmosphere electrify. Before you could do something you regret, you stood up. Shoving the icecream bowl at Steve, you ran out of the room asking him to finish it off. Steve chuckled. He loved your shy reaction. He loved how reactive you were to his touch. You always were but now Steve really noticed. He finished the icecream and made a note why he was buying this flavour. Not because Sam wanted it but because it was your favourite.

Sleep evades you and your heart won't stop thumping. Steve is just one door down. You can go there, kiss him and get it over with. But you wanted to know if he was okay and he wasn't wearing his ring. Desire starts to build up in you and you pull out your vibrator. Pulling your shorts down, you press the vibrator on yourself. Moans leave your mouth as you think Steve’s tongue on you. You imagine him all over you, kissing you, sucking on your nipples. Steve’s name escapes your mouth, louder than anticipated. The vibrations shake your core as your fingers go in and out picturing Steve. You climax just as Steve, in your imagination, comes in you. What you did not know is just outside your room, Steve had heard you cry out to him. He ran to his room to release his long awaited tension.

Another two weeks go by and this time you know Steve is in the room but he wasn't allowed to approach you. Nobody knew about your little meeting and you liked to keep it that way. You stole glances and so did he. You wanted to tell him to meet you again but there was never a right time. He tried to go near you but someone would always be hovering around you. He was sick of it. He wanted to talk to you, clarify. But you finally found a way to send him a message. The safest place to meet him was his room so you found a stray pen lying around in the kitchen and picked up the small piece of tissue. You pretended to put something back in the pantry and looked at Steve. It was as if he understood, he slowly slipped away from the dining table. You had a fraction of a second before someone noticed Steve near you so you slipped the note right in his hand when Bucky showed up. You pointed at your favourite snack that was put away from Sam’s reach. Bucky pushed Steve out and helped you with your needs. You looked at Steve and saw him read the note discreetly. He slipped it in his pocket and looked at you with a slight smirk on his face. You blushed and turned away.

Midnight could not have come any later. The waiting seemed like an eternity to you. You kept on telling yourself that you just wanted to ask what happened with Sharon when internally, you knew, your desire for him had bubbled more than ever. You kept listening to conversations outside. Slowly, the voices faded and you heard doors being shut. You figured it would be safer to wait out another half an hour before running to Steve.

Steve heard soft feet running to his door. He opened his door and caught the glimpse of your bracelet glinting that he had gifted you on your birthday in the first year of five. He grabbed your hand and waist and pulled you into his room. He closed the door and pushed you flush against it. His hands fumbled to lock the door. Your breathing synchronized with his and your chest was pushed against his. He is so close that you can just look up and touch his lips with yours. His hand is still gripping your waist. You refuse to look up to him. The light in his room does not hide how red your cheeks have become.

You could hear his smirk. His free hand grabbed your face and lifted it gently to meet his eyes. He had miscalculated the gap between the two of you. As soon as he lifted your face, your lips brushed against his. A gasp escapes you and your eyes widen. Your innocent reaction adds more to desire and without a second thought, he brings down his face and puts his lips on yours. Your brain immediately accepts his touch and you wrap your arms around his neck. The kiss starts slow but Steve starts to pour in more passion. He deepens the kiss and you moan loudly. Your voice awakens him even more and he bites your bottom lip. Your tongue in his mouth was losing the battle to control itself. You play with his hair and tug them, gaining a moan from him. He pulls you more towards him. Your hand moves away from his hair and moves to his cheek. Your bandage rubs against his face that pulls him out of the kiss. He reluctantly pulls away from you and you finally breathe the air. He brings your bandaged wrist to his lips and kisses it gently. It sends electric shocks down your spine.

He pulls you to his bed. You've sat on his bed before. He makes you sit with your back towards the headboard and covers your legs with his blanket. He wouldn't be able to talk if he looked at you in your pajamas. You had forgotten you weren't wearing any underwear under your tank top and shorts you call pajamas. His eyes raked you up and down and while covering you with his blanket, his hand accidentally brushed against your boobs, erecting your nipples, which were very much visible. He could not take his eyes off of your well kissed lips and you could move past his darkened blue eyes that matched so well with his pink lips. You both cleared your throat. He sat in front of her and tried to make her as comfortable as he possibly could.

He took her bandaged hand in his hand. “Why didn't you tell me you struggled?” he softened his voice so much, she felt like crying. She had heard his soft tones but never this soft, never this vulnerable. “You never showed me your vulnerability, you know. I realized that after so long. I don't know what you're afraid of, what triggers you or what annoys you. You have always been your pleasant self. Why? Did you not trust me enough like you trust Bucky?”

“I never told Bucky anything. He just, he was just there. He found out. You, well, you had responsibilities. Why would I want to put you under more pressure? If I told you, you would've been even more fussy about me. I wouldn't want to burden you. Adding to your responsibility. I am not even someone you consider family, like you do Bucky and Nat. my telling you things would have messed up your life. I don't want that. We are not that close anyway.” You say softly. There was no need for aggression. You knew that sooner or later someone would ask this question but you didn't expect it to be Steve. Others had just accepted you as their own but with Steve you always felt like an outsider even though you shared moments.

“But why would you- What do you mean we aren't that close? I thought we were best friends! I thought of you as my family. Why would you think you're a burden? Baby, you are a responsibility I would take over anything. All you had to do was say the words.” he cupped your cheeks and forced you to look in his eyes. Tears welled up in your eyes. Your new nickname got lost in the angst.

“I am a burden, Steve. Sharon was right. I never deserved you. I never deserved anyone. All of you are so nice to me. Someone with nothing to contribute to the team. Sharon rightfully said that I am just a burden they are carrying until I drop dead. Then you'll all be free.” Your tears flowed freely. You were crying and Steve felt such rage. He never should've been with Sharon. How could she say that to someone who was there for everyone. You were the backbone of the team and Sharon broke you. He sat beside you and pulled you to his chest. You cry harder. Everyone showered you with love and care but it was Steve you wanted and now that he was here, the tears flowed free. And Steve knew that. He felt that. He rubbed your back while you sobbed and wet his shirt.

“Baby, you are not a burden. Not to me and neither to the team. They all love you so much. Did you know, if it wasn't for running into you accidentally, they never would have let me near you. Bucky has been threatening me on a daily basis to not go to your room or talk to you. So did everyone else. Baby, I was in the wrong. I was blind.”

“But you are talking to me right now! What if Bucky knows about this? Will he combat you? Oh my god! I thought about only myself again. I am so sorry. I-” You were silenced by Steve pecking your lips. “Hush, baby. Thinking about yourself is the best thing you can ever do to me. I will handle Bucky. I want to keep you here with me forever now. I have no intention of letting you go, baby.” he pecks your lips again. Your eyes widen.

“But, what about Sharon? I don't want to be a homewrecker.” you whispered the last part softly. Steve scoffed. “I threw my ring at her face and left the next day of the party. I did not know the things she had done to you and me. She manipulated me into believing that my friends did not want me and that my life is better with her. You are not a homewrecker because there was no home to begin with.” He draws circles on your back. Your tank top has ridden up a little from the back and his skin on yours is calming you down way better than any other attempts she had made. “I am sorry. I was so blind, baby. I never saw how Sharon treated you. If it wasn't for Tony and his video feeds, I never would've known how bad things were. Baby, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I know I am not worth your forgiveness.”

You didn't know where this courage came from but you were now straddling him. You cupped his face and looked him right in the eyes. “You are worth everything, Steve. You have nothing to apologize for. It was Sharon and not you. I knew that. You would never swear, even in your texts and when she sent me those texts, there were definitely words you would not use.”

Steve’s eyes snapped open. He never thought of you knowing him so damn well. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you on his chest. His head rested on the headboard and your nose touched each other. This was surely the moment to say it.

“I love you.”

You were taken aback. You never expected Steve to-

“Steve, are you sure? I know it is an emotional moment but-”

“I love you, Y/N. I have been in love with you for god knows how long. Honestly, I was just to dumb to see my own feelings. When you told me you liked me, I wanted to jump with joy but I had made commitments to Sharon so couldn't act on anything. And then Sharon kept on pulling those stunts and she drifted me from you. Did you know my heart stopped when I saw blood on Wanda, Nat and Bucky’s clothes? I thought I lost you that day. I thought I lost the chance to hold your face like this, and peck you like this and tell you I have been in love with you for a long time. Give me one more chance, baby. I want to prove to you that I deserve to be with an angel like you. Let me take you on dates.”

“There are other ways to prove you deserve me as well, you know.” You said softly again, trying to hide your face.

“Are you sure, baby?”

“Yes.”

Steve pulls you to him and your lips land on his. You groan and your hips start to rub his erection. Steve moans loudly and grinds against your core. You gasp against his lips as your shorts move a bit to the side and your wetness drips on his erection. His lips move to your neck and he nips, sucks and licks your neck, living love bites all over. “You moan so good, baby.” His hands travel up your back inside your tank top. His fingers brushing against your breasts sending shivers up your spine. Your moans and gasps grow louder along with his. The grinding grows aggressive and you are very close to your release. Steve moves his hips faster against you and he cums along with you. Your head rests on the crook of his neck and he leaves soft kisses over your neck and shoulder.

He flips you on the mattress and you land softly on his pillow. “Baby, are you sure? Just say it once and I will let you go. If not, I am going to make up for a long time.” Your nod and a soft yes was enough for him to get naked. He kneels and pulls your shorts away to see your glistened pussy. He groans. “Baby, you came ready for me, didnt you?” he does not wait for your answer and dives right suck your wet cunt. You moan and raise your back. Your tank top was the only piece between you and him. You remove it quickly and pull his one hand to your boobs. He plays with your nipple, pinching and pulling, making you moan even louder. “Baby, you are so fantastic. I am going to put my fingers in you and make you cum for me. I will slurp you all up.”

You gasp when he puts his finger in you and starts pumping. His tongue found your clit and he used his other hand to rub it even harder. You hold the blanket tightly in one hand while your other hand guides his head to find a better spot in your core. His other finger takes away your breath for a second and he speeds up his pumping. “I am so close, Steve.”

“Cum for me, baby.”

“Steve. Ste- Steve. I-” you moan loudly when your second orgasm washes over you. Steve laps up every last drop of your juice and adjusts himself to enter your core.

“This is okay, right baby?” you nodded and pulled on his hand. He chuckles and falls on you, balancing his weight on his arms. He kisses you and drags his kisses down to your breasts. He mouths one nipple and pinches the other, gaining a sweet moan from you. He shifts your other nipple and does the same. He adjusts his hips and enters you with a thrust. Your back lifts and he leaves kisses on your neck. You meet his thrusts with the same strength. He moans loudly in your ears and it is just plain music.

“Go harder, Steve. Please. Help me cum.” You moan. Steve pushes in deeper and starts pumping faster. He hits your g-spot that leaves you seeing stars. “That’s the spot, isn't it, baby.” he silences your moans with a kiss. “Let me cum in you baby. You will let me, won't you?” His thrusts slows down a little, gaining a whine from you. He smirks and kisses you deep, slowing down. “Yes! God! Please Steve! Cum in me please. I need you so much.” His speed takes over and hits that spot again and again till you cum on his cock. Your walls clenching and making it so much easier for Steve to cum in you.

He falls on you. His weight pushes you into the mattress. You whine a little, weakly trying to push him off of you. He laughs in your ears, making you blush. He was still inside you and the juices had overflowed out of your pussy. He lifts himself on his elbow and cups your face. The look of pure bliss on your face makes him feel like the greatest achievement ever. He pulls out of you and carries you to the bathroom. He cleans you up and puts his t-shirt on you. Your head lulls on his shoulder.

“Baby, we've got to get a little dressed or I will not be able to stop.”

“Who told you to stop though.” your muffled voice raised his desire again.

“Baby, don't say things you don't mean. You'll regret letting me do you over and over again.” he points out to her that she is lulling to sleep.

“Wow, you just said you had a lot of making up to do. I don't see things being made up here.” You lift your face to him and kiss his chin. You smile. His heart melts but what you said rang his desire for you again. “Fine. I will make up. Just like you want me to.” He picks you up and tosses you on the mattress and joins you in it. His t-shirt tossed aside and his lips back on yours.

The sun was seeping through the blinds in Steve’s room. You wake up with his arms around you. You were pulled so much on his side that the rest of the Avengers could sleep on the other side. You stretch your hand above your head and hiss at a slight sting on your wrist. You look at the bandage and slowly rub it. Steve sees your face fall and grabs your wrist. Slowly, he runs circles on the bandage, easing the pain a little.

“It stings a little.” You say, pouting. “Don't worry, baby. You'll be good as new and then I will never let you get hurt.” He kisses your scar on the forehead.

You jerk up from the bed with a surprise. “Oh shit! I stayed the night, Steve! They'll worry. I've got to get to my room! Bucky is going to be so worried and-”

“Why are you so worried about Bucky?” It was not just his tone that gave away his jealousy, it was his face as well. “I don't like that punk hanging out around you. You are mine. All mine. Not his.” You laugh. Your laughter takes him by surprise and leaves a small smile on his face even though he is still jealous.

“Baby,” it was your turn to sweet talk. “I am all yours. But he is a friend who first found me like this. He worries a lot because he had thought about these things but never did it. Also, he is your best friend. To be honest, I befriended him because he was your best friend. I wanted to know more about you.” You put on Steve’s t-shirt and shuffle around to wear your shorts. Steve stands up from the bed with all his glory. Your eyes dart down. He knows he affects you so he saunters his way to his sweatpants and puts them on, very slowly. You look away and hear Steve laugh.

“You are such a tease. I should've just let Bucky take care of me instead of you.” You fake a huff and walk to the door but before you could unlock it, Steve spins you and pins you against it. “Let me spell this out for you, baby. You. Are. Mine. Bucky can find someone else but you? I am keeping you all to myself.” his dark eyes roam on your body and your core warms up.

“I did not know you were a possessive man, Steve.” You slowly put your hands on his abs and trace all the way to his neck. His cock twitches against you, telling you to not go. “Look at that, I might have to stay a little longer to take care of you.” Steve pulls you back to his bed and you hope nobody is awake to catch you.

Tony was already alerted when you left your room yesterday night. He saw the feed of you sneaking into Rogers’ room. “Bucky, sorry bud. Your efforts went to waste. You said a month but there is still a week left and she's already in his room. Pay up, pal. You lost.” Bucky grumbled and pulled out a $100 bill.

“Damn! I really thought we’d make him suffer more.” Nat pulls out $50 to pay up.

“You bet on my love life! You bet on her?!” Steve emerged in the dining room with his arms around you. You blush furiously seeing how everyone now knew you spent the night with Steve.

“To be fair, Tony has to pay me $500 for making you suffer. I told him I wouldn't last a month but I would last at least two weeks. I beat him so in all technicalities, I am the real winner.” You smile brightly and take the bills from everyone. “This is going to pay for our room’s new furniture.” You pecked his cheeks and went to grab a waffle, leaving Steve baffled and everyone in dismay.

[piggledy-higgledy]

As anyone who’s been looking at my page semi-frequently will have noticed, I am a big Richard Armitage fan. Mostly in love with his portrayal of Gisborne in BBC’s Robin Hood, but I also enjoy most of his other work and consider him a very talented actor (and a very sweet person from what we can tell.)

There has been a lot of furore lately about his latest project, “Obsession” (a series unfortunately promoted as an erotic thriller by Netflix), which is a remake of 1992 film “Damage” (with Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche) and based on the book by Josephine Hart. He portrays William Farrow, a married, middle aged, successful surgeon, who has an affair with his son’s fiancé, Anna (Charlie Murphy) -an affair so obsessive that it costs him everything: his career, his family, his son’s life, even his own self (more on that later.) The series features a lot of sex scenes, very light BDSM elements, and a LOT of nudity from RA on a level most fans never thought we’d see (RA being famously private and modest.) The fandom has been divided over this, with some looking forward to it and some being sure it’s not for them at all. From what I can tell (and I might be wrong) most people were put off by either the copious amounts of sex (and the trailer leaned very heavily on that) or the unsavoury morals of the main characters. Which is fair, if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t watch it.

I *did* watch it, and because opinions have been so strong, I wanted to share my thoughts. No disrespect if you prefer to pass. I hope it might be helpful for anyone on the fence and still making up their mind whether to watch or not. Happy to chat more about it if anyone likes! There WILL be spoilers.

Before watching it

I have personally felt very intrigued about this series and I was excited about watching it. Not so much because of the nudity or explicit scenes -or, rather, because of them, but not in the way you might think. Richard Armitage has played very, very few roles where he was primarily the romantic lead, and none later in his career. He tends to be cast in active roles, a lot of dark, violent characters, tense action. When there is romance it’s not the main aspect being explored. And he has NEVER (with the notable exception of Between the Sheets, which was so early in his career I doubt he necessarily had much choice to turn down work) done anything close to this level of sexual screen time. Why now? What made this different? I really wanted to know.

There was another reason I really wanted to watch Obsession. What Richard Armitage does best, in my opinion, is give characters depth (even characters that were clearly not written that way *cough* *Guy* *cough*). He is an incredibly detailed actor and uses his face and eyes to a stunning degree to convey things that go far beyond the dialogue. He has spoken about how he creates complete backstories for all his characters. This project is literally made for his type of acting. There is hardly any action, and leagues of unspoken material. RA called it “one of the most fulfilling pieces of work he’s ever done”. I needed to see why.

After watching it

I binged all 4 episodes in one night. And then again the next morning. And again today. I finished the first episode and thought “Yes, I understand why he wanted to do this.” (He also said in an interview that there was a moment in one scene that he’d never achieved before on film. Having watched this, I believe him.) Is this the kind of series I’d normally gravitate to? No. But I’m glad I watched it. Every single actor was incredible. The filming was beautiful. I just… don’t know where to start.

The story:

In my opinion “Obsession” is not about infidelity or sexual exploration -it’s about William and Anna’s experience with obsession and addiction. Anna isn’t just having an affair. She is addicted to being in control and to using sex as a means of asserting that control. (We learn that she had a brother who sexually abused her for years and committed suicide when she finally put a stop to it. And throughout the series, she reacts to strong emotions by initiating sex. Charlie Murphy described the character as a “dominant submissive” and that’s spot on, not just in the way that she sets the rules and boundaries of their sexual relationship, but in the way that, having been abused, asserts her control on the situation she had to submit to as a young girl by controlling when and how she submitted). William is not just having an affair. He is obsessed and addicted to Anna to the point that it completely deconstructs him as a person. He is the counterpoint to Anna’s character, in that he has no control. He doesn’t initiate, he doesn’t resist, he can’t or won’t control his reactions or his impulses and he completely loses control of his life as a result of his actions. In the final episode Jay, the son, discovers the affair and in shock, falls off a railing to his death. There is a scene where William faces his wife after everything is revealed and watching Richard Armitage convey all those emotions without saying a word is some of the best acting I’ve seen in my life. I don’t know what part of himself RA drew from to act the guilt and grief and absolute devastation in that scene but it was… amazing and heartbreaking. Even then, the obsession wins. When Jay dies, we see Anna walking away while William cradles the body of his son, paying her very little attention. I completely believe that he is broken in the scenes that follow. But after a few days the addiction takes over and he still seeks out Anna, convinced they can now be together (“there’s no version of this with just you,” she’d told him earlier on, but he clearly thinks otherwise). And we get the following:

W: … I let uncertainty in. (NB: What is uncertainty but lack of control?)

A: And look what happened. I don’t think… we can ever separate who we are from what we’ve done.

W: But… we can’t let it all be for nothing either (NB: William’s voice breaks here. He’s lost everything he ever cared about, she’s the only thing left. Does this phrase mean he thinks there was depth in their affair? Or does it mean that he is looking for meaning and depth so that he can cope with the fact that he sacrificed everything for an obsession and an addiction?)

A: Jay died because of us.

W: Still I wouldn’t change it (TNB: THIS! This phrase upset so many viewers! And of course it did, it was supposed to. The acting is, again, amazing. This isn’t said to Anna, this is introspection. William is looking inside himself, realises he wouldn’t change it, realises how much of himself he’s lost.)

A: You don’t regret it?

W: How can I?

A: We caused so much pain

W: But it’s done now.

A: I am so sorry for what happened. But I wish we’d never met. (She walks away, leaving William sobbing. Because there. is. nothing. left.)

The sex:

I hate that this was marketed as a sexy series because it created all sorts of hype and expectations that were misplaced imo. The story was never about the sex. Morgan Lloyd Malcolm said a couple of days ago on Twitter that it’s about “sitting in the discomfort of human behaviours” and that is spot on. Like I said above, this is a story of addiction. Anna is not addicted to the sex -she is addicted to using sex for control. That’s why Anna and William never kiss (she is the one controlling their physical interactions. William leans in to kiss her in many scenes, she never lets him.) That’s why the music is so jarring in all the sex scenes. That’s why there’s no foreplay, that’s why William never lasts long. That’s why they only ever have sex on the floor or in public, never in a safe, comfortable place like a bed. They are not comfortable. This is not a comfortable situation. We, as viewers, are supposed to be uncomfortable. The infamous hotel pillow scene was meant to demonstrate the turning point in William’s addiction, the complete loss of control, I think. It was never supposed to be funny or sexy -it was meant to disturb us because this intelligent, cultured, previously collected man becomes completely animalistic. Which is why he sobs afterwards -I think this is the point when William realises that (as Ingrid puts it later) “he is lost to her”. William’s face after their first sexual encounter is the face of a man under the influence. When she gets up to leave he makes this movement with his fingers like he is trying to hold on to her, but only grabs air. It’s just a twitch -but it’s Richard Armitage and we know how detailed he is in his acting, and I am sure it was a gesture with meaning.

The intimate scenes in Obsession are sometimes sensual, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes genuinely hard to watch but never gratuitous.

Why a fan of Richard Armitage or anyone writing for his characters should watch it:

Again, you do you, but hear me out: This series is a veritable treasure trove of body language, voice/cadence, facial expressions that you can then apply to your favourite RA character. The longing. The conflict. The loss of control. The vulnerability. The eye contact. The fact that the lover’s name is Anna, which is also my name. Also, I’m being completely serious when I say that this is some of the best acting I’ve seen him do *ever*. If you can only bring yourself to watch parts of it, do that. There were some scenes that genuinely made me tear up. Look after yourself, respect your boundaries, but sample what you can because it’s a veritable banquet.

PS: I am focusing on Richard Armitage for this review because I came to Obsession from that fandom. But every single actor gives an amazing performance. I especially adored Charlie Murphy as Anna, Indira Varma being astounding as Ingrid and the criminally underrated Marion Bailey as Anna’s mother, Elizabeth, who packs SO MUCH into so few scenes.

[polyamzeal]

Public Breakup Post

On my personal Facebook I posted a long post about my recent breakup. I am going to cross-post it here as a record of the rawness of polyamorous breakup. I appreciate all sympathy given but honestly I have talked to people a lot about it already. I honestly hope this is more of the opposite that it can help other people going through a breakup or hard times to have something relatable to connect with. Also totally fine if you skip this one and keep on scrolling.

When I first became polyamorous I came to the realization that my relationships are my business. I don’t need to be public about them. I purposely limit how much I post about partners on social media. That is privileged information that I only share with people I trust. If someone wants to know about my relationships they can message me privately. But this time it feels appropriate to share a bit more than usual, so I am making a conscious effort to share for a number of reasons. One of the worst parts of polyamory I always say is the breakups. The last two breakups I stayed mostly or completely quiet about. Those partners were closeted, and combined with that, most people didn’t even know I was dating them or how much they meant to me. Furthermore the most common response a monogamous person will have to a polyamorous person with another partner while going through a breakup is, “What is the big deal, you still have a partner so you aren’t single.” This is incredibly hurtful and inconsiderate. The other common response is for them to say, “See, polyamory doesn’t work”, as if countless monogamous breakups across history wouldn’t show that monogamy doesn’t work. So most of the time it is best to just keep breakups secret and not talk about them. Which really sucks and hurts a lot. But I had a breakup recently, and it seems fitting to not keep this one secret and make it public. It was hard, painful, and I have questioned it ever since. My ex is a great person who I still love very much and want the best for them. I don’t regret the relationship and I have many fond precious memories of it. But recently it had just felt “off” in ways that are hard to explain and recognize. Plus we have both had a lot of personal stress outside our relationship as well. There was still a lot of happiness and great times mixed in but also just a lot of stress and anxiety. I wasn’t happy like I used to be and I just felt like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore. I am also sure what I wanted has definitely changed since the beginning, also in hard to explain ways. It felt like I was asking for too much out of the relationship. I needed to take a step back and breathe. Focus on my own mental health a bit before I could figure out that particular relationship. Get better at communicating all those hard to explain emotions and expectations. Learn about how I have changed and what I want out of relationships has changed. Sadly, I knew I couldn’t do that while still being in that relationship. It feels unfair to them but I needed to put my own emotional health first before that relationship. One reason I am posting all this is because of society overdramatizing breakups. It makes for good entertainment the more of a dumpster-fire train-wreck a breakup is. But not all breakups need to be like that. Society has told us that if a relationship breaks up then it is labeled a “failure”. THAT IS BULLSHIT! A relationship isn’t deemed a success based on how it ends. The Multiamory Podcast has an important saying as part of their relationship advice, “It is okay to break up.” Also ‘The Polyamory Breakup Book’ by Kathy Labriola gives a ton of examples why people might break up without it being all one person’s fault or someone being bad. A lot of times things just change. People change. I treasure and value that relationship so much. I feel so lucky it happened. They had a positive impact on my life and I hope I did on theirs too. I am sorry that our relationship had changed to this but I am also hopeful that this change will be an evolution, not a downgrade. That right now this is what is best for us and hopefully the future will be bright for us.

[cat3ch1sm]

⛪️~ hello, all! welcome to part two of my jjk Valentine’s Day headcanons. this version has a bit more nsfw than the first part did- so enjoy <33

also yes i know technically it’s not v-day anymore- but i insist on feeding y’all. 🤭

fem!reader, fluff, some nsfw 💚

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞’𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲! 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐

ft~ toge, gojo, nanami, geto, yuuta

*＊✿❀ 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞 ❀✿＊*

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ you’d been talking about baking together for a while- so naturally, toge went out a bought a ton of ingredients for lots of Valentine’s Day treats so he could make what you wanted come true. toge isn’t really someone who’s necessarily good in the kitchen, but he’ll sure as hell try after seeing your eyes light up and the adorable smile that graced your features after you saw everything in the kitchen, set up for you two to spend a day baking sweet pastries and treats together. afterward the kitchen is a huge mess because both of you are absolutely clueless <3 but hey, at least you two tried despite the fact that you almost burned alive like five times but that’s okay!! the day will end with you two sharing the few successful treats you two made and ordering in- because clearly, neither of you can be trusted in the kitchen. the night ends with you two falling asleep on the couch together with fucking girl from nowhere playing on the tv or something because you couldn’t give less of a shit about romantic movies. anyways 10/10 valentine’s day 💚 we love toe gay

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ 𝐠𝐨𝐣𝐨 ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ gojo, like yuuji, is also terribly obnoxious with his Valentine’s Day surprise- but like, way worse. i can absolutely see this man getting up really early and heading off to the academy without waking you so he can prepare. he will force nanami to participate too, much to the man’s dismay. the both of them will be smack in front of the academy with gojo dressed as a fucking bunny rabbit with giant stupid ears and a giant stupid sign that says “i’m hoppy you’re mine!”gojo will be absolutely beaming when you finally come to work and see the sign with nanami wearing the most deadpan expression possible and his grown ass in a bunny costume. you’re absolutely humiliated (although mostly in a good way), but gojo feels no shame in picking you up and swinging you around in front of all the flabbergasted students staring at the most powerful jujutsu sorcerer behaving like a little boy with no shame whatsoever while nanami just stands there with the sign. later, however, in private when you two are alone that night, gojo gifts you the most risqué lingerie you’ve ever seen in your life- and he fully expects you to wear it for him. let’s just say it’s a very long night for you both…💚

˖˵˵˵˵˵˵ଘ(𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐨)⋆🌷

'*•.¸♡ geto is a simple guy when it comes to romantic affairs. he’ll just ask you where you want to go for Valentine’s Day, and it doesn’t matter if you said next door or all the way to Canada, he’ll take you, and geto will not care at all about cost or time. however, geto doesn’t really care to spend Valentine’s doing cheesy romantic stuff- he’s all about the more physical, sensual stuff. he’ll gift you all these really expensive, nice-smelling soaps and shampoos and probably lingerie as well so you can prepare for a very long night of love-making. geto will set up candles and scatter rose petals all over the bed to try and make the atmosphere as inviting as possible for you. the next several hours are all about you and your pleasure, which geto couidn’t be happier to provide. ♡¸.•*'

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢 ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ೃ⁀➷ nanami is indeed a romantic. he’ll wake you up gently with a kiss and a whispered “happy Valentine’s Day,” tenderly placing a bouquet of flowers on your lap and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. however, chances are that he’ll just want to stay home with you and hold you all day. he would rather not bother with the outside world today when he could spend the day with you. you’ll cook your favorite meals together and watch your favorite movies, even if they aren’t romantic. slow dancing with each other to absolute silence? yes. bubble baths together with scented candles and pink bath bombs? also yes. literally find yourself someone like nanami for Valentine’s. of course, you’ll both want to be intimate as well, and nanami will make sure everything goes the way you want it to- where you want to be intimate, what you want him to do, how you want the scene set. he’ll do everything exactly how you wish with no mistake whatsoever because he wants to make today really special for you both.

┊ 𝐲𝐮𝐮𝐭𝐚 ┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚ °

♡̩̥̩♡̩̩̥͙♡̩͙ˊˎ﹤ he will be so panicked about what he’s supposed to do for you the day before. poor boy😭 he’s tailing maki all day begging for her help as if she’s any better than him. eventually, though, he’ll settle on painting with you- not wanting to be boring and try something new. he doesn’t have any real experience painting, though, so he just winds up throwing color all over a canvas with no coherent patterns or themes whatsoever. in the end, though, he will wind up painting you- or attempting to… it’s mostly just a blob of paint that takes on your very loose shape. although, it is endearing seeing him with the paint all over his skin like he’s a little clown 😍😍 the best part is he’s super touchy and wants to hug and kiss you the whole time, so you also wind up looking like a three-year-old’s art piece. oh, well- you’ll certainly have fun washing off the paint off in the bath together <33

[blazehedgehog]

You hear about what's going on with Sam Procrastinates? What do you think of that?

I caught a whiff of it today, yeah. I'm sort of glad I'm mostly outside of that circle of influence. I know of a lot of those people, but I do not know them personally. I probably run my mouth on here too much and too freely for some of those types.

Especially seeing Sam get out there in front and be like "whoa whoa whoa whoa I'm trying to protect my business by distancing myself from leakers and bad actors" -- like, maybe I don't have the full context here, but trying to divorce yourself from leakers is a bit weird to me?

Keep in mind I'm coming at this from the perspective of being on Sonic Retro during the massive Sonic 4 leak, which lead Sega to partner with Sonic Retro. Some of the inroads paved during that partnership almost certainly lead to us getting Sonic Mania, given there are future Sonic Mania staff thanked in the credits for Sonic 4 Episode 2.

Like, I get trying to keep your nose clean. I try to do that, too. People get on my case for being spooked by emulation in my "Definitive Way to Play" videos, but people who really, actually know me, know that I've never had a problem with emulation ever in my entire life. Up until Tristan started buying me games to review for TSSZ, emulation was literally all I had. I could not afford games on my own, and I basically still can't. (I'm counting on next month's Twitch payout to cover my pre-order for Shadow Generations)

All of that is me trying to keep my nose clean. I've seen channels get shut down for talking too openly about emulation (particularly with setup tutorials), and even Discord servers are not as private as people think they are. The hammer can and will drop, and I'd rather my financial livelihood not be under it.

So I will never tell people to "just emulate it" in my videos and I have a rule against linking piracy material in my Discord. If you like me, and like my work, that's the way it's gotta be to protect that kind of stuff.

But that's on video. What I do in my personal life has no baring on that. I endeavor to capture all my footage from real consoles but I'm also living in a cramped little bedroom with maybe ten square feet of floor space right now, so I'm not digging out my Wii or my Saturn or my PS2 every time I have to capture footage of something. I emulate it.

I'm getting off topic. Shutting people out of your life because they don't align with your business is a bit extreme, to me. But again, I don't know the relationship there. At least in the clips Sam uses, he never seems very happy to have Shanny around, even though it's clear Shanny can and continued to join Sam's discord calls. I guess I just don't have any friends like that -- I either have personal friends, or... well, I just don't have very many "business friends." (Which depending on your view point, is or isn't a problem and one of the reasons my channel growth can be so sluggish)

So, like, whatever. Again, I dunno how a lot of that stuff goes. Ultimately, I guess I don't blame Sam for protecting his business, because again, I protect my business too, and it's clear Sam is more successful than I am.

I will say this, though, and I am about to step neck deep in the shit: I have never liked that Jaden Sonic Show dude. There was a time...

...Let's see... I had to dig around in Discord because I was so put off by this guy's videos I straight up erased them from my Youtube History, so this is the only way I even know I watched them:

I watched two or three of his videos around this time and this dude's tendency to just make stuff up, believe in bad sources, and push the worst rumors was infuriating. I would say it's not a stretch to claim he is eroding the overall intelligence of the Sonic fandom with his sensationalist, reactionary, straight up false information. He reminds me of the way I used to think about the game industry when I was 13, which is to say: deeply, deeply, deeply incorrect.

This is where I was going to pivot and say, "and he makes more money than Sam and I combined," because he has 150k+ subscribers. But according to SocialBlade, that doesn't seem to be true. Despite having 3x as many subs as Sam, SocialBlade claims The Sonic Show seems to make less than Sam Procrastinates.

I guess there are benefits to keeping your nose clean.

(And given I have a Youtube channel of my own, I have a vague idea how accurate these numbers are -- which is to say: I am not making $122 a month from Youtube, but I wish I was. I also understand why Sam is so protective of his channel's earnings, too)

Anyway, all of this to say, Sam seems in the right here. I do get a whiff of, like, the puritan Japanese Idol culture from some of this, where if you're a J-Idol you can't be caught drinking, or smoking, or even swearing. You have to maintain total purity or else you fall victim to a witch hunt, and there's a weird amount of finger pointing going on here that I don't know if it was deserved. Sam shouldn't have even needed to make a video like this, but like I said, that Sonic Show guy kind of seems like a vulture.

I would not put stock in what that dude has to say.

[scoops-aboy86]

modern steddie go on an all inclusive cruise for three months.. all u can eat food and drink… they both get pampered.. but one gets pampered and bigger

Man, you are such a gremlin for not deciding which one for me, now I gotta think about both, oh woe and lamentations. 😛

Here, have like, over 3k words total. Why am I like this, lol.

Eddie 

1372 words

A lot can happen in three months. 

Steve really wants to go to Italy and meet his mother’s estranged relatives over there. He’s very excited, been practicing his Italian nonstop with Robin ever since Eddie booked the Mediterranean cruise as a birthday present. Let’s also say this is part of the Seven Christmases universe where Eddie is a successful author and that’s how they could afford the trip (and include Robin and Vickie too, why not)… but it’s set before that fic, when Eddie is still relatively skinny. Steve just finished undergrad and is about to start work as an EMT, might try for a nursing degree someday but for now he’s not sure. He’s super excited about the vacation, he really needs the break. 

Eddie’s looking forward to it too, but at the last minute his editor moves a deadline up on him so now he’s got to work on a draft and get it ready to send once they get back. He can still make the meetups with Steve’s relatives, but won’t have time for all the tourism stuff with his boyfriend and friends. 

To still have as much time with Steve as possible, Eddie wakes up at whatever ass o’clock hour the walking tours start whenever the boat is docked. There’s an extensive breakfast buffet, which helps. Then, after waving Steve, Robin, and Vicki off on their adventures for the day, Eddie sets himself up with his laptop by the pool, a pitcher of sangria, and a steady stream of snacks from the attentive pool crew. They’re happy to bring him whatever he wants for lunch up from the dining hall, too. He works in the shade of a big umbrella, with occasional breaks to swim, but he burns really easily so mostly he just stays put. 

Every meeting with Steve’s Italian family involves food, usually a big family dinner. Steve’s Italian is decent and Robin is fluent enough to chatter just as nonstop as she does in English (and her fluency makes Steve more competent somehow, it really is like they share a brain sometimes). Eddie and Vickie don’t know much Italian themselves, and become English practice for the relatives that speak it. And they keep. Bringing. Food. Vickie eats like a bird but Eddie loves it, tries everything and can never say no to seconds because it’s all homemade and simply amazing, even better than the cruise food. Sometimes by the end of the night he has to lean on Steve—the family is pretty free with the wine too, so it’s usually mutual. 

In the first month, Steve tans a deep golden brown (all over, courtesy of their cabin’s private balcony that Eddie is very glad he sprung for, though he does also agree to taking a tourist day when the walking tour includes a nude beach) and Eddie’s usual bathing suit start to feel a little tight. It’s fine though, the boat has a small convenience store on board where he can get a new pair. 

In the second month, Eddie starts saying goodbye to Steve at the buffet because he’s not quite done with breakfast. He ends up dozing off more by the pool, waking up whenever a waiter drifts by to order some of whatever new local spread is available that day. Work is still getting done, he’s still making good progress, so he figured it can’t hurt to make the most of whatever vacation time he can get. And, increasingly, Steve starts coming back between the morning and afternoon tours with treats from the shops he and the girls have visited. Somehow, despite the midday heat, this always seems to include gelato. “Never from the same shop twice,” Steve brags, and Eddie grins up at him and makes grabby hands for whatever it is this time. He discovered black sesame gelato early on, fell in love, and now Steve always gets him at least one scoop of that whenever a shop has it. Eddie’s current favorite combo is to pair it with raspberry. 

By the third month, Eddie finishes his work but doesn’t feel up to the more intense walking tours. He stays on the boat for the morning, taking up his usual poolside lounger, but joins Steve and the girls on land for lunch—so much pizza, so many pastas, and so many gelato breaks as a palette cleanser. He’s embarrassed to realize one day that he has a sunburn on his tummy where it had peeked out from under the umbrella just enough, but Steve rubs aloe on it which turns into a sensual belly rub that has Eddie squirming under his hands… And it’s a nonsmoking cruise so there’s no after sex cigarette, but he decides that an after sex gelato break is even better. He sizes up his bathing suit a few more times—and somehow Steve hadn’t noticed that, because Eddie always sticks to black trunks, but he finds the older pairs and, curious, asks Eddie to try on the pair he originally packed. 

And they quickly both realize that okay, yep, this is definitely going to be a Thing. Steve starts spending more time with Eddie by the pool, feeding him snacks and reapplying his sunscreen; this also gives Eddie a great view of his bronzed god of a boyfriend both in and out of the pool. Now instead of jumping in himself, his breaks involve going back to their cabin so they can fool around without an audience, and Steve can grope and fondle him like he’s been dying too the entire time they were out there, and Eddie can eat pastries that Steve squirreled away from the breakfast buffet without the hindrance of his now always strategically one size too small (at least) swim trunks. 

By the time they’re on the plane back home,  Eddie is relieved that the window seat next to his middle seat is vacant, because the arms between the seats are just a little bit constricting around his middle. He rests a hand sheepishly on the upper curve of his belly, pressing a little to feel how much softer he’s gotten in just three months eating nothing but carb-loaded Italian fare while hardly moving around. It’s kind of amazing. Kind of makes him horny, even though the mile high club isn’t an option, those airplane bathrooms always felt coffin-sized and now… 

“I should probably back off on this, huh?” he says to Steve. 

Steve looks up from reading the plane safety information like a goody two shoes, even though they’re all basically the same. “On what?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow and pats his stomach, causing himself to jiggle a bit. Most of the weight has gone to his belly, now resting slightly on his lap, though his ass and thighs are probably tied for second place. He’d had to buy new pants before heading to the airport because even his latest new swim trunks were borderline inappropriate to wear in public, panicking a little and buying a little too big; now he has to hold onto his waistband when he walks or they’re in danger of sliding down. 

“Oh.” Steve puts the safety information back in the seat pocket in front of his aisle seat. “If you want. We’re technically still on vacation though, so…” And he pulls his backpack from under the seat. Every other day of the trip this pack has been reserved for what Steve calls his Day Supplies—sunscreen, water bottles, hats, sunglasses, migraine meds just in case, extra shirts and socks, aloe gel, travel book, a pocket English-Italian dictionary, Boy Scout pocket knife, and god knows what else. But now, Eddie can see when he unzips it, the backpack is stuffed full of snacks, some store bought sweets but some home-wrapped leftovers from the family visits. “It’s not gelato, but it’s a nine hour flight, so I thought we could, uh.” His cheeks are visibly heating up, lips parted in that dazed, eager look he’s had more and more lately these past few weeks. “Help those pants fit a little better?”

And oh, yeah, this is definitely going to be a thing. 

Steve

1779 words

A lot can happen in three months. 

Corroded Coffin has successfully made it into the international metal music scene and just finished up a tour, and since school just ended for the summer and Steve is released from his teacherly duties he joins Eddie across the pond. It’s not so much one cruise as a series of river cruises booked specifically for the band and their significant others, no expenses spared because the label is pumped about these guys. The itinerary includes (not necessarily in this order) Germany, the Czech Republic, Austria, Switzerland, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands, ending in Amsterdam.

And, look, Eddie and Steve haven’t seen each other in person in months. There’s only so much Facetiming and texting a man can do before he wants to spend an entire week in bed with his boyfriend, and the room service is exquisite. They literally don’t leave the room for days, and are met with wolf whistles from the rest of the passengers when they do finally emerge. 

Steve had been a little nervous about the trip at first because he’s… Well, he’s missed Eddie, and he’s maybe been eating his feelings about it a little bit. Had to size up his wardrobe a bit, enough that the former high school athlete in him is a little embarrassed. But that first week completely wipes out any insecurity he might have had about his body, because Eddie can’t get enough of him. 

They might have left their cabin, but they’re still attached at the hip. Eddie absolutely dotes on Steve, pulling him into his lap at every opportunity (the guys take to goodnaturedly complaining about this as a “chair shortage problem”). He’s constantly like, “Ooh, Steve, you need to try this!” because, despite his parents’ jet setting lifestyle, it’s Steve’s first time in most of these countries and he has had little to no exposure to Eastern European cuisine. 

Now, we’re talking about rock stars here, so of course there’s booze and drugs. Mostly just booze and pot, and they’re careful to be discreet about the latter because Gareth has watched that Locked Up Abroad tv show and is determined to make that everyone’s problem—but yeah. Eddie’s favorite thing to do is take a hit and beckon Steve over to shotgun with him, which always devolves into making out until someone throws something at them. Steve is more of a social smoker than anything else these days so it usually hits him fast, and he’ll camp out on Eddie’s lap, playing with his curls and enjoying Eddie feeding him little tidbits near-constantly until the high wears off and he realizes that Eddie’s legs are kind of bony. So he stands up, and then Eddie tries to follow but has to (has to, don’t question him, it’s 100% necessary) cling around Steve’s middle for stability because his legs have gone all pins and needles while Steve was sitting on him. 

Sometimes they do leave the boat for short excursions to cool things, mostly ruined churches or famous graveyards for the aesthetic, but sometimes just strolling through obscure little towns. Steve tags along, often with something to eat in one hand because Eddie keeps darting into various shops and coming out with something for him, and it feels like the best vacation he’s ever had in his life. He doesn’t think too much about how the excursions never seem to be very long or involve many stairs, or how his clothes are starting to feel tight, or how when Eddie comes up behind him and wraps both arms around Steve’s middle from behind, those arms don’t overlap in front quite as much as they used to. Too busy having fun, too busy with his mouth full (of food or drink or Eddie)—and Eddie never says anything, so Steve not to let it bother him. 

They’re out one night at a little restaurant or possibly someone’s house, no one’s quite sure because only their tour guide speaks the local language, when partway through dinner Eddie notices Steve looking uncomfortable and asks what’s wrong. The problem is that Steve’s pants are tight enough that they’re cutting into his waist, and there’s been enough food and beer already to bloat him out a little and make it worse. Steve is embarrassed, but Eddie susses out the problem soon enough and whispers back that he should just unbutton them and untuck his shirt, no one will notice. At first Steve just says it’s fine, but then Eddie promises that he just wants him to be comfortable and that if Steve’s a good boy who does what he’s told there will be a reward as soon as they’re back in his cabin. Gets a little graphic with the murmured details, but it’s a good motivator; Steve’s eyes have nearly drifted shut as he unzips and bites back a sigh of relief. 

That night, Eddie shows him in no uncertain terms how much he loves Steve’s body. He kisses stretch marks and the fading indents where the pants had dug into his belly, the line down from his navel where the fly had strained to contain him. Eddie always makes Steve feel so loved, but this is different; this is like worship, and the bottom his softened belly is so sensitive that everything Eddie does there stokes the fire of want into an incandescent bonfire. 

The next night they have dinner on the boat and there’s a gorgeous firework show between the final entree and dessert. Everyone’s standing on the pool deck to watch when suddenly Steve turns to Eddie and finds him down on one knee, offering a silver ring shaped like a coiled dragon with tiny opals for eyes. “I want to hoard you like gold, Stevie,” Eddie tells him earnestly. “My Arkenstone, for the rest of our lives. If you’ll have me.”

Steve knows that one; The Hobbit is easier for him to get through than the actual Lord of the Rings trilogy, which Eddie has read aloud to him several times over the years. “Isn’t that the stone that made that dwarf king really greedy?”

“Nah,” Jeff calls helpfully, “it was mostly wearing a Ring of Power that corrupted—”

Jeff’s girlfriend slaps a hand over his mouth with a whispered, “Let the man propose!”

“This is not a ring of power,” Eddie hastily assures Steve, who is smiling so hard his face hurts. “Nowhere near as precious as you—”

“Oh my god,” Gareth mutters somewhere behind them, and Eddie whips a middle finger in his direction without bothering to look away.

“Yes,” Steve blurts, and everything after that is cheers and fireworks and champagne and a cake with CONGRATS written across the top in thick icing. “What would you have done if I’d said no?” he asks on the way back to the cabin, pleasantly full with the last several pieces of said cake and his pants surreptitiously unzipped again. 

“Oh, there’s a second cake,” Eddie replies nonchalantly. “Jeff was in charge of ordering them, so it probably says ‘Sucks to be Eddie” on it or somethi—Steve?”

Steve has stopped walking, a thoughtful look on his face and one hand (the one with the engagement ring) rubbing slow circles on his belly, and it’s in part because it’s just fully hit him that this entire trip was probably planned around the proposal. That Eddie loves him enough to want to make it forever. He notices the way Eddie’s eyes zero in on the movement too, how Eddie swallows hard as his shirt starts to ride up a tiny bit, exposing a sliver of soft, hairy, pool-side vacation tanned skin. Thinks about the way Eddie has been touching him during sex lately—grabbing his ass, caressing his thighs, alternating between reverently gentle and passionately rough when gripping his new love handles, more insatiable than ever and that’s saying something. 

“I could eat more cake,” Steve says, and watches as his boyfriend’s—his fiancé’s eyes dilate, especially when he hitches his shirt up a bit more. And Steve smiles.

The rest of the trip goes by in a blur of food and drink. Eddie, if it’s possible, dotes on Steve even more, bringing him seconds and thirds and refills while insisting he doesn’t need to get up. And Steve has never particularly liked being waited on, but when it’s Eddie? When Eddie is making him happy just by being himself, soft under all the leather and tattoos and piercings and loud music, and Steve is making him happy just by enjoying himself? It feels amazing. It fills Steve with a sweet ache for more, and he’s more than content to answer that by constantly grazing. 

By the time they reach Amsterdam, Steve is in all new clothes because he’d outgrown just about everything in his suitcase. This is where he truly goes wild, to Eddie’s delight… because they keep popping in and out of coffee shops to keep a good high going and it makes Steve ravenous, enough to take initiative and drag him into restaurants and shops to whisper a pouty little demand rather than waiting for Eddie to provide. There’s an ever-present bag of stroopwafels in Steve’s fist, eaten in between stops for piles of French fries, satay, gyros, poffertjes, bitterballen, and that one fondue restaurant that makes Steve light up the second he sees it. 

Afterwards, Steve barely remembers the city and is so full he’s not sure how he got himself to bed. Eddie, giving him belly rubs and more bites of stroopwafel (eagerly accepted, despite Steve’s engorged and sleepy state; if the past three months have taught him anything it’s that he could really get used to this), says that just means they’ll have to visit again before nuzzling and kissing his way down the swollen gut, taut as a drum but still with a layer of quivering softness at its lowest curve. 

“We’re flying home first class tomorrow,” he purrs, stroking Steve’s sensitive sides even as his mouth moves lower. “Nice, long, direct flight… extremely comfy seats. Plenty of time to catch up on lost sleep. If you’re up for it?”

Steve stretches with a happy moan and a stifled burp. “I’m up for it. Are naps allowed though? I might doze off after, so fucking full…”

He can feel Eddie’s sharp grin against the padded crease of his thigh. “I suppose I’ll allow it. If you do, mind if I keep going?”The rest of the night is very long, and very good. Steve sleeps peacefully all through the flight home, Eddie (his fiancé) playing soothingly with his belly under the fluffy first class airplane blanket the entire time.

[dullard]

Im sorry.

1, 2, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 18, 21, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 36, 38, 39, 42, 43, 44, 49

This is for jurgencrepins I Checked

1. What motivates your character?

Joris: Idealism (often applied rigidly to himself as Not Doing Enough in his own mind, preemptively) and trying to Do Good. Whatever that happens to mean in the moment.

Kerubim: For a long time, it was proving himself through impressing others, but at this point its just that he wants to be comfortable and around his family. Which makes him seem kind of lazy now, lol.

Atcham: Used to be survival and revenge/obsession (sort of). Now it's the want to protect the people important to him.

2. How does the public view them? (Doesn't have to be anything major, it could be classmates, friends, strangers in the park, etc.)

Pre-waven:

Joris: Everyone assumes he is a small child. Every time. He's actually even pretty small to be a child. When he's in a political situation, he's slightly mysterious, and not to be underestimated (mostly because other political actors know hes old as balls)

Kerubim: Friendly and capable shopkeep. Knows something about everything. Most people in his community know him and its partially because of the extremely invasive ads he puts everywhere. Old cat man - If someone were actually interested in beating the crap out of an old man, he'd seem to be a fine target. People who know who he is are a lot more cautious though.

Atcham: I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE he looks different so people treat him with at the very least an arm's distance. No matter what he does people will think hes strange. That said, hes not helping his own case. I think some ecaflips assume he's sick though, if they haven't heard of or met a hairless ecaflip before, since losing your fur is something that happens if you're really ill or unwell.

Waven:

Joris: Similar to his political persona but now much more outward to the average citizen. He's also seen as extremely capable of decision making, at least within Bonta, thanks partially to propaganda. He is the firm hand of the law, fair and just, and a bit private.

Kerubim: He is the caring and wise elements of the current Bontarian government. Tends to be associated with public services like hospitals (imo in waven times bonta's Military Hospital is the closest we get, and eniripsas handle other things the way they used to, but the government funds some amount of clinic-esque action), schools, shelters, and the like. Reads books at the Bontarian orphanage. That kind of thing.

Atcham: That guy that hangs out with the other two guys. Nah I'm jk I think he's kind of. I can't describe this. He ensures success and prosperity of people who are working. If you run a business like a fruit stand or a clothes shop in waven-era bonta, you likely like him and hes the one that smooths out supply chains.

8. What are some internal obstacles that your character has to overcome?

Joris: Extremely critical of himself, self loathing for intangible thought crimes, self loathing for tangible realcrimes, self loathing for things out of his control at times, holding himself to absurd standards (often unreasonable), i could go on. I genuinely think he may be his own biggest obstacle to long-term happiness

Kerubim: His ego slash self loathing slash reliance on others for external approval and praise and love (these things are fine but hes got problems with not being able to provide these things to himself ever)

Atcham: Anger and the want to Hit Da Bricks (His instinct, when he gets angry in a way he can't resolve, is to leave a situation entirely)

9. What emotion does your character feel most frequently?

Joris: Depends what he's doing at the time since his daily activities vary greatly depending on the year. When hes doing his job though it's Deep Tiredness

Kerubim: Cozy :3 Also desperate need for approval

Atcham: Irritation/frustration as a form of Very Light Anger that doesnt bother him That Much.

10. If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how?

Joris: I am prioritizing Bonta. A leader that does not prioritize their own people is no leader at all. Other peoples leaders will prioritize them. The things I am doing must be done to ensure Bonta is prosperous, and once Bonta is totally prosperous we can extend those resources out to other places. But right now we need to be concerned with ourselves.

Kerubim: He just tends to try to make the people in his immediate vicinity as satisfied as possible and then reassures himself he tried his best. His focus on individual people makes political actions easier because he just has to benefit Them instead of thinking about people negatively affected.

Atcham: He actively avoids thinking about it. If Joris is talking about it he just sits there and nods but in his own head he'd rather avoid it entirely and focus on day-to-day doing good by people.

12. What are some of your character's pet peeves?

Joris: Ignoring the ones he thinks are just a normal thing to be irritated by regarding his dadson, calling him short, or little, or small, or cute, or young, or

Kerubim: People not listening to him when hes telling them something

Atcham: WHEN KERUBIM DOES THAT STUPID THING WHERE HE BENDS THE SWORD TO SEEM LIKE HE KNOWS WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT TO CUSTOMERS IT DAMAGES THE SWORD I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU STOP DOING IT!!!!!

15. What habits does your character have?

Joris: picks at his scales (scales are like pimples or hairs for him and sometimes little ones pop up on his face and upper chest and shoulders especially). Picks at his face where there arent scales. Hopping up on things to be a little taller. This is a broad question I'm not sure how to answer it. Being overly polite with everyone to keep distance.

Kerubim: Grooming i know we dont see it in the shows but i think he grooms himself when hes nervous if he has a moment and it helps him calm down a little and settle his thoughts. Also he clears his throat a lot.

Atcham: hunching slouching getting low to the ground moving on all fours. Sneaking. The Slippery Sneaker seems to Slink. Also he tenses his dominant shoulder when he thinks theres a threat and lowers his body close to the ground.

18. Who/what comforts your character?

(checks who sent the ask) dont ask questions you know the answer to. anyway its each other are you happy. Aside from that:

Joris: Crowds big enough that hes not notable at all (I think hes insane for this)

Kerubim: Items and objects and artifacts and mementoes

Atcham: A well defended area without major vulnerabilities. Can be a room in a house or a cat tree or anything.

21. What is your character's relationship with their emotions?

Joris: Hate those thangs. Kill them. Hate Them. If he could get rid of them he'd seriously consider it were it not for some of the warmer ones.

Kerubim: Some of them he's very happy with. Others he's accepted as part of life. Some more he sees as a moral failing he can't seem to get rid of.

Atcham: Shockingly in-tune (see: "When you have a life like mine, you need someone to blame" line in the movie). Actually pretty healthy approaches to them even if Joris and Kerubim dislike his Tendency To Leave For Unpredictable Periods Of Time. its his cope.

27. How does your character view themselves? (Expectations, intelligence, confidence, self-belief, etc.)

Joris: He tries his best, he doesn't do enough. He's a hero of sorts, he's a villain. He's accepted his body, he hates how people treat him because of it. He's smart, but he's stupid. He can do anything, he fails everything. Every thought has an equal but opposite thought.

Kerubim: A fraud, when it comes down to the wire. He does think he's very intelligent though, and he does have his unshakeable confidence that things will work out for him no matter what.

Atcham: He has fairly realistic ideas about his capabilities. His least reality-connected idea of himself is as Independent, and if he's reminded of a way he is Not, he gets strange in the head and leaves for a while. It's uncomfortable for him to think about that hes been kind of domesticated by circumstance when for a long time it was vital to his survival to be threatening and on-edge and prepared at all times.

28. What emotion is the most unfamiliar to your character and how do they deal with it?

Joris: Pride. He has a Recoil after a feeling of pride where he becomes kind of inward, at times. He's very old, though, so there are plenty of things he's rightfully prideful about (and he fights off the recoil consciously)

Kerubim: Emotional security. Relishes in it when he feels it without any other feelings to hinder it.

Atcham: Shame. Beats it down with a stick. Reminds him too much of being a little kid.

29. What are the three things that your character values most?

Joris: Family, independence, the respect of others

Kerubim: Family, memories, good craftsmanship

Atcham: Loved ones, his ability to protect himself and others, a well-forged sword

30. Is your character hiding something from other people, if so, what?

Joris: He thinks he hides everything, and he kind of does because he's very quiet and tries not to divulge information unnecessarily. He ALSO thinks hes not Good at hiding things and that others must see him as an open book and a fool, which is not very true.

Kerubim: There's so much to say, it's not hiding it until they ask very directly and you LIE (read: actively opposite information. Twisting or exaggerating is not a lie to him) about it. Omitting information and avoiding clear answers is king.

Atcham: Simultaneously he doesn't hide much (personality wise) and also he hides everything (physical items). I think he feels more secure with things if they have a hiding place. This makes his room impossible to clean, and yet it is in its own organization.

31. What genre of music does/would your character love?

Ask my good friend Ronik they have better thoughts on this than I would.

32. How does your character view their past?

Joris: It's Things That Have Happened. History. There's fondness there, but he's not as concerned with it as he is with the present.

Kerubim: It's everything. He holds onto the past with a death grip and drags it behind him.

Atcham: Prefers to avoid it. Not particularly interested in holding onto it more than necessary.

33. What are three positive traits that your character has?

Joris: Considerate of others and the consequences of actions, selfless, wants to Do Good (this one is mutated into something arguably negative after 600+ years)

Kerubim: Kind, wise, good at bluffing until luck takes over

Atcham: Cautious, selfless, knows when a battle is lost and its time to hit da bricks

34. What are three negative traits that your character has?

Joris: Impulsive, overly critical hater mindset including to himself, does not know when to quit

Kerubim: Lies to make himself look better, assumes things will work themselves out and doesn't do anything about them, can't take criticism

Atcham: Hater, doesn't value his own life enough when his loved ones are in the picture, leaves situations that Could Probably Be Resolved (and when I say leaves I mean hes gone for like months or more)

36. What are the things that make your character enter a full rage/cold mode? (Depends on their character.)

Joris: Someone knowingly endangering others will do it as good as anything will, especially others who trust you.

Kerubim: Hurting groups he considers vulnerable like children and orphans, or hurting his family

Atcham: He's tricky because he's actually extremely in control of himself, especially in a battle situation, but he Will get a little less cautious in a battle if you piss him off by insulting him or his family. INJURING his family actually makes him more cautious because he starts looking for a way out.

38. Someone your character dislikes goes up to them and confesses. How does your character react? (Doesn't have to be a rejection.)

This is the kind of question that I think you would be better at answering than me, Ronik. I really don't know actually. Someone Should Send You This Question, Among Other Questions, In Your Askbox Yesterday

39. What does your character have yet to realize about themselves?

Joris: Your self loathing and overly-critical approach to your own thoughts is hurting you, not ensuring that you don't become worse. (until waven era. Then his cope of managing to get past those things is making him worse but he's still hurting himself with them lol)

Kerubim: You don't need the approval of others to survive.

Atcham: You are a good person.

42. What is one thing that your character dislikes about themselves? ("Nothing" is also a valid answer.)

Joris: His whole self. There is a Him deep inside him that is Bad that he cannot root out. He's selfish (for things everyone thinks), he's cowardly (for things everyone fears), he's possessive (for things many people might be jealous about in the same situation), etc. etc. etc.

Kerubim: His whole self. He's a fraud and for some reason he can't just be happy. Something wrong with him (moral failing).

Atcham: His reliance on others.

43. What does your character see as the greatest injustice?

Joris (pre-waven): That people can do the best they can with what they have and still be ravaged by war and inequality that they had no hand in the creation of

Joris (waven): THAT OUR BEAUTIFUL NATION IS NOT THRIVING AS IT SHOULD!!!! We did everything right except the things we didn't (I took those moral L's, personally, for the people of Bonta. The people are not culpable for those decisions), why are there still hardships for the people?

Kerubim: That some vulnerable people do not have a protector

Atcham: That people get by with what little they have and still are at the whims of those more powerful who have everything

44. What does your character fear?

Joris: Being in the wrong, being seen as a fool, also a lot of things

Kerubim: Being alone

Atcham: Being fully reliant on others (because then, what happens when you lose them? You can't go back to the way things were before)

49. In the end, what is your character grateful for?

Joris: Kerubim and Atcham. Luis. The little things (boufbowl, sunlight, etc). Spiked coffee. Also OUR BEAUTIFUL NATION'S PROSPERITY.

Kerubim: Joris and Atcham. Luis. Lou. Everyone he's ever known, even the ones that hurt him.

Atcham: Kerubim and Joris. Security in food and home. Quiet. His own strength.

That was fun :) thanks for sending themmm

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

I did a reading about the public’s reaction to Ateez’s relationship to their future spouse. Knetz vs international fans. Let me tell you it was so funny. For knetz the inability to accept a relationship was so consistent in the tarot I couldn’t stop laughing. Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yeosang especially. They were like the biggest traitors according to the tarot

I think because hongjoong is very possessive of atiny and jealous as his idol persona the Knetz feel even more betrayed. Seonghwa is also quite romantic with the fans and gives a lot of fans service so they feel entitled to him as well. For Yeosang I got the vibe from the tarot that his FS might be from a country or something that Korea has beef with. I’ve seen other readers talk about this and I feel it too. Yeosang’s FS seems to be beautiful and loving (empress energy). The boys will like her and the international fans mostly want Yeosang’s happiness but it’s going to be difficult for him with Korean fans.

As for San, Yunho and Mingi I was really intrigued. San’s FS is obviously loved by most. The Knetz and international fans seem to agree with this. They will be like THE couple. However Mingi’s FS seems to have a big impact as well. If she truly is black I see that being a big thing. The Knetz aren’t going to want to acknowledge it or truly understand it. Because it’s interracial I see them not treating it the same as usual idol couples. It’s represented with like Mingi as a king of swords with a queen of wands. They don’t get how people from 2 different worlds could make it work(I personally think it’s a little dramatic. And I don’t see them reacting this way with the other FS’s who might be foreigners but that’s just me). I do see them getting with it in time with the 9 of wands and ace of cups. It just takes time :( On the international side they feel invested in the relationship and want to be positive about it. It’s like Mingi worked so hard to get to this point (the hiatus, dealing with his mental health, making music he loves that reflects him, learning English even though he finds it difficult) with the 9 of pentacles and queen of cups they just want the couple to enjoy their happiness. This relationship takes a lot of work to achieve and is important for the representation but also Yunho (didn’t forget about him hehe). Here is why. With the perspective that Yunho and Mingi are besties who married besties, Mingi’s FS may be the catalyst for their meeting. I think Yunho is definitely going to take more time to find the one simply because he has other priorities and may not be content with his life the way it is yet. When he meets his FS he won’t even be focused on that. His FS gives off that same practical vibe tho she is more spontaneous. She probably will also be getting her ducks in a row before they meet. I easily see her being successful in her own merit which is exactly the type of person Yunho will want.

Yunho and Wooyoung had a similar impression from the Knetz. They both keep things private and under lock and key. I can almost see them being annoyed and pouty like “you guys don’t tell us anything” (I don’t blame them. “Fans” can be so cruel) I see Yunho and San shielding their loved ones from the internet. I see Wooyoung just straight up hiding everything about his relationship. It’s like radio silence 😂 Nothing for a while and then all of sudden he’s married. More silence then oop we have 4 kids. He does not care lmaooo. I’m getting more from Mingi and his FS so I think they can’t hide as easily. Both will be in the public eye. They will try to keep as much as they can private but the public has more access. He will defend her no matter what tho and vice versa. They can handle it after all the shit they have been through.

I personally have difficulty getting a read on Jongho but I think he might fall in another significant relationship before he finds the one and I think the public will like them. I get stuff like the lovers and the 10 of cups which is nice. I also feel like they are private? Especially the FS I don’t think she f*cks with attention like that. Very private. The couple that shows up to the function, brings some food, says hi and leaves. Wooyoung and his FS have that vibe too lol

Anyway that was my long spiel. Everyone seems chill. Don’t mind my spelling mistakes lol This is obviously just for fun and definitely not hard facts

-❤️

I wouldn’t be surprised if the entirety of the group pulled Chens. But yeah, I loved reading this so much! Sorry I don’t have much commentary but I agree a lot with it

[n7punk]

"Roses & Thorns" Fic Notes

Roses & Thorns is finally done! It really slowed down there at the end as my life got busy, but I had a lot of fun with it. No playlist this time since I was mostly listening to random stuff as I felt like it.

Epilogue Life:

Catra moves to Bright Moon so Adora can keep cheerleading, which she does professionally until her mid-thirties before switching to cheer coaching for middle schoolers. As mentioned in the epilogue, they get married two years after the show. One day they looked at how much of the tapestry they had done and were both suddenly like, oh, I’m ready to be married. Within a few months they had everything thrown together for the wedding. Someone working with their wedding planner leaked news of their wedding to the press, which is what led DT to digging around and finding their date, but aside from a few tabloid stories like Former Bachelorette Couple Tie the Knot and a carefully curated Instagram post on Catra’s page, the public doesn’t learn much about it. They mostly get added as a statistic to the show’s wikipedia page as a successful relationship that made it to marriage and is still together. Catra slowly transitions into more all-encompassing graphic design work until she follows through on her speculation from Fantasy Suites and starts working with a charity dedicated to providing equipment to hybrid children and schools. She still does other work on the side sometimes, but she’s happy with the direction her career has gone, and she keeps up a sparse public Instagram to make some posts promoting her work — pre- and post-charity shift — and to flaunt the life and relationship that she really can’t believe she has now. Adora’s old Instagram is still up and public but she abandoned it and only uses a private one now because she really just wanted to leave the show behind. Adora and Catra go down as an odd and rare case in the franchise. The show never risks casting an ex again even though it would certainly go closer to the way they intended the next time. The casting directors insist that they knew the love story could work if given the right encouragement and that’s why they brought Catra in. Adora and Catra are always brought up in discussions of odd or adorable Bachelor couples, especially after they get married. They were also, yknow, the only queer couple to come from the show until Melendy’s season, so that made them stand out a lot too. Adora’s seasons did end up being as positive when it comes to representation as something like that can be and she’s proud of what she managed and what came of it in the end.

Chapter 1: Opening Ceremony

⦁ I was, like, really nervous to do this fic. I didn’t want to step on any toes but I really loved the idea so after sitting on it for a few months I decided fuck it, I’ll start writing it just to see if I like it. Once I realized it was definitely going to be a whole fic, I went poking around for socials and found petty_labelle’s permission statement and was like oh thank god XD Obviously some tropes don’t require credit to anyone (celebrity AUs, there was only one bed, etc), but this was a case of direct inspiration no matter how wildly different the fics were once you pass the word “bachelorette,” so I’m really glad they were down for it.

⦁ Speaking of, having to type bachelorette so many times might just have driven me insane. I hate spelling that word.

⦁ Usually the bachelor/ette is cast from the one of the fan favorites of the last season. So whatever girl the bachelor didn’t pick would become the next bachelorette, etc (it isn’t always that clear cut; sometimes it’s a girl that got sent home sooner or a girl from a season further back). In this case, there was an open casting call because none of the contestants from previous seasons who they knew/thought were sapphic were willing to either come back or come out, which is how Adora ended up on the show as a nobody to the franchise but a strong contender thanks to her prominent cheerleading career (and being hot. Let’s be honest it’s a third charisma, a third being willing to play ball, and a third being hot).

⦁ Finding out this show usually films in just 6-9 weeks was less surprising than it should have been but still insane. I thought it was three months since most seasons are 10-13 episodes (I think) (and also the fic that set this off was literally called 12 weeks) but I looked it up and. Nope. So I gave Adora like 7-8 weeks in the middle range. That shorter time range actually worked better for the fic, it’s just an insane premise for the real show. 90 Day Fiancee has more realistic expectations! Come on!

⦁ Okay, I know the women pull up to the mansion in a limo, but for some reason while writing it I thought it was all in different limos which doesn’t even make sense. Anyway, after I verified that I edited the language around it to make it more clear they were coming from the same car.

⦁ I also think the host is usually there to greet the women too, but it doesn’t matter how those greetings normally go in this case, because it was a unique moment and Hope was going to be there regardless so she could partially guide it.

⦁ I also have no idea if someone’s ex coming on the show has any precedent, but I’m saying for Etheria it’s a first.

⦁ “-a dashing magicat’s body” Listen, Glimmer is aware that Catra is hot.

⦁ When Glimmer asks “how could you not tell us” she isn’t meaning in a hurt “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me” way but in a “how did you hold that in?” kind of way.

⦁ Canned phrases I know from this show are “Can I steal you away?” (to get one-on-one time), “Here for the wrong/right reasons” (when someone is ‘suspected’ to only be there to get famous rather than get married), “I want to focus on us” (focusing on your relationship with the bachelor/ette instead of all the other contestants and drama getting in the way), and then something like “Trust the process” (you know, cult mindset cutting out questioning the establishment and contrived doctrines).

Chapter 2: Here of the Wrong Reasons

⦁ That first night at the cocktail party I imagine as being a lot like Princess Prom, with Adora trying to focus on getting to know all these new women and figure out who she has the best chances with but she keeps getting distracted by glimpses of Catra through the crowd. The other contestants didn’t know what to make of it, but the ones that overheard Catra was Adora’s ex told others until it spread through the crowd. The consensus among the women at first was this was a TV thing and they probably didn’t have to actually worry about Catra too much. That slowly changed.

⦁ Damn near every season DT goes undercover at the first cocktail party. One of the lead’s brothers did this as a bartender once and I think it would be an interesting way to gather a bit more info to further their storylines. Because of this, Adora barely saw them on the first night.

⦁ I went back and forth on how I was going to handle the other contestants: if they were going to be the other princesses, or largely a blank mass, or a more detailed cast of originals. I ended up somewhere between those last two. I also considered having the other characters from the show working on set, but when the idea for a watch party came to me (because I really wanted to show what people at home were seeing here and there), that cemented where the other characters would be and left me with OCs for the other women.

⦁ Names came from… All over. I hate coming up with them, so I did the lazy thing and scrolled through the characters list on Wiki Grayskull (I know, fuck Fandom [company], I’m sorry). Elmora is a minor character in the OG series. Veena was Grayskull’s queen in the He-man reboot I saw 5 minutes of in 2002. Serenia is a folk hero in the reboot (and the name of the constellation that helped them locate Darla). Swen is the (fake, but presumably real somewhere else given DTs impersonation tendencies) piano player from the Enchanted Grotto. Faith is a recurring Random OC Name in my fics and also just ironic. Melendy Britt was the VA for OG Adora and Catra. That one is honestly an homage since she voiced like a fourth of the women in the OG series.

⦁ Originally the fic was supposed to roll straight from the first chapter into the confrontation night, but that pacing seemed too sudden and I wanted to explore more of the TV side. Also, Adora needed a horse riding date and there wasn’t one anywhere in the other plans so I put it in here.

⦁ When the horse riding date idea came up I had to be like “wait… could Tali do this?” and that’s when I found out that prosthetic arms have come a lot farther than they were the last time I looked into them. Tali can absolutely go horse riding.

⦁ For years after the show, Adora will joke that being on it was worth it just for the horseback riding day, even when she’s literally holding hands with her wife.

⦁ Storm is the actual name of Catra’s horse in… the toys at least? I’m not actually sure if that made it on-screen in the filmation version but it’s from the OG canon regardless.

⦁ Catra did not intend to sabotage the horse date. At first. She was mad at Adora for bringing her somewhere she knew Catra would be scared, but said fear meant she fully intended to spend the entire date refusing to play ball. That lasted until she saw Adora and Serenia kissing, and especially how excited Adora looked, realizing that if she wasn’t going to play along Adora might turn to someone who was.

⦁ The horse debacle got cut so it looked like Swift Wind just bucked for no reason and it gave Tali and Adora a cute moment together. They could have made it into a whole thing, but once Catra won, they cut the interviews implying anything happened there. The other girls never really knew if anything happened, but the crew definitely did. They caught a little bit of it on camera (although not well), they goaded even more of it, and one of the staff retrieved the crop afterwards as the smoking gun.

⦁ The first group date of the week (horse riding) was mostly people Adora wanted to connect with, the second was production’s orchestration (the softball date that didn’t make it into the fic because Catra wasn’t on it), and then Erika got a one-on-one “because she hadn’t had time with Adora yet” (actually because she and Lauren were making out the night before and Catra was onto them, but only had a hunch, so she could look all jealous and spurned on camera when Erika got picked). Adora also gave Lauren a rose because 1) production told her she should and 2) she actually did want the resulting one-on-one time with Lauren to sus her out.

⦁ Glimmer eating popcorn with chopsticks was actually in chapter one but I was worried people were gonna call it stereotyping or something when I know people who do it IRL, and then I talked to them and they said it’s the superior method so I just stuck it in anyway. I eat popcorn with a spoon sometimes for the same reason, but chopsticks really are better if you can use them, my hands just shake too much to be reliable.

⦁ Melendy was one of the last girls to arrive at the mansion because production didn’t want to muddy the waters for Catra’s arrival. Catra assured them she and Adora were very serious for a long time before it broke bad and Adora would remember her immediately, but they wanted to get that moment of instant shock from Adora with her hopefully not even thinking about Catra’s existence and suddenly being faced with her. If Catra was telling the truth about how important they were to each other, even the sight of another magicat might have put her on Adora’s mind.

⦁ Melendy was supposed to be a potential rival, but in a less orchestrated way than Lauren where she was playing out a storyline at production’s direction. Melendy was an actual potential relationship they thought might stand a chance with Adora, and in that case Catra would have really hated her and it would have been great drama, but Catra could tell from the beginning that while Melendy would be sticking around for a while, she wasn’t exciting or challenging enough for Adora. Which is good, because production was absolutely right about the kind of rivalry they would have had and it would have made Catra look a lot worse than getting defensive over someone “cheating” on Adora.

⦁ I kind of assume bedroom locks are a no-go on reality shows in general because, well, what if they lock the camera out from some drama? But they’re also renting places like the mansion and it seems like those houses would Have Locks and they wouldn’t install different doorknobs just for the show. Idk, but I am saying that if they don’t usually have them they gave Catra and Lauren rooms with locks so they don’t actually kill each other. (Although, conversely, they put Catra and Melendy in the same room partially to up their drama — and partially so they only had to worry about one room that could accommodate magicats).

⦁ I’m not actually sure on the use of mic packs vs boom mics on reality TV. I know there’s pool/beach/bikini dates on the Bachelor though, which by necessity require a boom mic since you can’t put a mic pack on a bikini without pulling it off, so I’m leaning towards them usually using a boom unless a mic pack is required. Initially I had them using mic packs and throwing them out the window, but I decided that was just a little unnecessary.

⦁ I mentioned the window both because of that and as a hint towards how Catra saw Faith getting up to some business.

⦁ Catra looks uncomfortable not because she’s telling the truth, but because she’s finally confronting the fact that she doesn’t want Adora to send her home.

Chapter 3: Can I Steal You Away?

⦁ This and chapter 2 were supposed to be one as I said, but then it got reeeeeeally long, and cutting to the watch party meant reshowing — from the TV perspective — some stuff that had already happened, so it seemed a good place to cut them and use that as a “recap.”

⦁ The “we need to talk” was actually a dub-over that Adora recorded later and they just modified to sound muffled but still understandable. They kind of just barely picked up the “no cameras” part but the rest of the conversation was murmuring at best. Part of how Adora kept from getting in (much) trouble was giving them the voice over and just generally complying with all the fall out that came from it like interviews and reshoots.

⦁ The shots of Catra pacing were in fact reshoots, but that did happen, it was just behind a locked door first.

⦁ Catra was up in the room for close to an hour, only coming down when she thought she might be in danger of missing their chance to talk (or at least making it seem natural). She spent that time having a small crisis over how much she didn’t want Adora to stop chasing after her, even if she was doing it with suspicion.

⦁ I actually have no clue where the bachelor/ette stays when the girls are at the mansion, so I just kind of went, eh, guest house? I know they’re not allowed in the main house without a camera, but it seems like a hotel would be pretty far.

⦁ “I’m not an ***hole who can’t see my ex happy,” that is exactly what Catra told herself she was the whole time, but if she can lie to herself she certainly can lie to the camera.

⦁ The rose reshoot cut from the real footage at the moment Adora went off screen, then to the new footage of her walking up to the vase and selecting a rose, then to real but carefully cropped footage of Catra’s reaction so you can’t see the flower she’s really accepting, and then to a further back reshoot of Catra holding the rose as Adora redelivers her line. They used the initial audio and reactions where they could.

⦁ Melendy was nesting because she was anxious after the Very Weird night. There was also a part of her that said “well, if Adora and Catra patch things up, then I’m out” because she was used to things like this only “needing” one token magicat, but obviously Adora doesn’t feel like that. They did look a little similar in human eyes (IDK if the description of Melendy ended up staying in the fic, but: brown coat, dark brown hair, two yellow eyes, no stripes) so Melendy thought it might also be weird to Adora from that angle if she did end up rejecting Catra.

Chapter 4: Right Choices

⦁ I found out that strip dodgeball exists on the Bachelorette and went, yeah, so I can use that. People didn’t refuse to answer often so “Bare Your Soul” never got too racy, but some clothes did come off.

⦁ Tali just calls Jewel “queer” because he is gay, even though what he realized back in middle school was actually that he was trans. She wasn’t going to say that on television, though, because he wouldn’t want her to. He didn’t mind people knowing he was generally queer, though.

⦁ Glimmer’s comment about Veena not posting proves that she did follow Veena before that happened, because otherwise she would have no idea. She actually followed all of them from the moment she knew the casting but tried to resist the urge to do too much digging on them since the show had already wrapped shooting and her research could just end up taunting her with knowing someone is super wrong for Adora that she then had to watch go all the way to final three. And well… that still ended up happening in a way.

⦁ They did cut the exchange about how the show was crazy, but they did use Catra’s “I’m only here for you” audio for some promos which some eagle-eyed fans noticed was never actually in the show. I’m sure that’s not uncommon though.

⦁ Hope didn’t question Adora’s request for two reasons: 1) Adora actually asked to do it on camera rather than trying to sneak down for whatever it was, 2) if she stopped Adora to ask questions, Adora might think about what she was doing, and having someone in an emotional fugue state usually makes for better TV. Everybody could tell the vibes died as soon as Sylvia implied that she didn’t want to date a cheerleader so it was obvious that Adora was questioning something when she called her up.

⦁ I learned a lot about the show listening to that recap podcast (which covered a few seasons of the Bachelor, the Bachelorette, and Bachelor in Paradise until… that summer), but it’s also been years since I’ve listened to it/it was canceled. I based most of the pacing for women getting eliminated and when hometowns and shit would happen off of the episode summaries for recent seasons I found online. I wasn’t worried about doing it exactly since this is Etheria and it varies between season (see: Clare running off with “her future husband” in episode four), but I didn’t want to do something wildly wrong either.

⦁ My general (not set in stone) idea for the show’s timing was week one was obviously introductions, week two was horseback riding, football, and Erika’s one-on-one, week three had the confrontation with Catra, week four had the coming out date (amongst others), week five had the Sylvia drama and cheerleading date, week six was the two-on-one, and week seven was hometowns. Week eight was fantasy suites, the women tell all happens (I don’t see a lot of people saying they like the wo/men tell all specials. There’s a reason I mostly left it out of the fic. It’s a boring rehash), and then week ten was the long-ass finale. I’ll be honest: the coming out and cheerleading date were supposed to be the same week but I think you’re not supposed to give the same person two dates in one episode. Showing that transitioning perspective from the viewership angle was important, though, so the whole Sylvia thing and an extra week got added in for it.

⦁ Melendy was actually still sharing a room with Catra during the night visit, they just kicked her out before Adora got there and no one brought it up until Adora was leaving and noticed the second bed.

⦁ No one says anything after Adora says she was letting the other girls sleep because she was admitted that Catra was staying without realizing. Now, this was incredibly obvious, but Catra still needed to process it.

⦁ Adora stayed awhile just cuddling and murmuring a bit to each other, but eventually she started feeling really tired and reluctantly left Catra’s arms for her own room.

⦁ Adora sent home Serenia, Elmora, Swen (mostly cut character, but she was supposed to be the main butch rep that season that Adora still kept when there was little chemistry was, again: representation!), & a rando I guess. I didn’t want to introduce twenty women’s names to keep track of, so I tried to come up with enough to have variety in the date composition without bogging things down or getting confusing. You can tell which ones you’re supposed to remember by the fact you could recognize their names going in lmao.

Chapter 5: The Dragon Slayer

⦁ Chapters four and five were also supposed to be one chapter, so I’m really following in 12 weeks’ footsteps with the two-part chapters LOL

⦁ Production was fine with Adora letting a bunch of girls go at once because it was dramatic and she was explicitly doing it to focus on the girls she felt better about (she had actually hung onto girls a bit more than they expected until then), but they couldn’t let both of Catra’s rivals go at once because then there would have been no conclusion to that plot at all and it would have felt really weird from a TV perspective, so they put their foot down on Faith.

⦁ The reason they planned for Catra and Melendy originally, though, was that they did expect Faith to be gone already. Adora cut so many girls at once they had to pick their battles, so they decided to keep the biggest villain rather than worry about the rest of it. If Catra and Faith went on a date together, it would have been fireworks, but at that point it would have been obvious who was going home. Catra and Melendy, on the other hand, would be two girls who were final four material, so people Actually Invested In Adora’s relationships would have been highly invested in the date.

⦁ Originally, Adora went into this chapter with Serenia still on her roster too (she stuck by the rules and let her keep her rose) and Catra, unaware of what had happened between them, included her on the list of girls she gave Adora, in the same category as Melendy. Adora then worried about Catra giving her four names, implying she was ready for Adora to send her home, but Adora couldn’t help offering a rose to Catra anyway, and she was obviously happy to accept. This whole exchange still happens, just with a little less weight since Catra going to hometowns was obvious with only four non-cheaters left. However, last chapter got more dramatic in exchange with Adora taking her rose back from Serenia and seeming to invest in Catra emotionally instead, and I just thought it made more sense for Catra to intend to go through hometowns to really get her message out there before going home.

⦁ Lou (the vineyard owner) is named after Lou Scheimer, a VA for a lot of the male characters on the original She-ra, namely Swift Wind and Light Hope (who was like a sentient beam of light. Listen, just go with it).

⦁ Catra’s allergic to grapes in this because I randomly give her cat allergies when I feel like it and I recently remembered cats and dogs are Kind of allergic to grapes where sometimes One is okay and other times even that is toxic so it’s best to not. Absolutely make sure they never get a hold of a second one, though, and in general you should protect grapes from them.

⦁ Okay, in general, I think the girls are responsible for their own wardrobes, but I do think production probably intervenes here and there, and in Catra’s case she kept wearing suits and the like. For this specific date, DT dropped a hint that she should show up in something ravishing, so Catra borrowed a dress Melendy was saving for Fantasy Suites because she wanted to make it harder to mic her so she could try to get some whispers to Adora. Since they were dropping back home first, Melendy could swap for something new and didn’t mind the loan knowing exactly what Catra was going up against since she told her the night before and Melendy was also mad at Faith for it.

⦁ The “losing focus” comment was both a play on the canned phrase previously mentioned and a reference just for me and my friend.

⦁ Production, in general, was trying to get the clout of a queer season while changing as little as possible, which is a bad call for several reasons, but part of that meant making sure all the women were conventionally attractive and dressed in the way viewers had come to expect. They had all of Three butches on the season, Catra qualifying as one of the soft butches who put her foot down and wore a suit or similar in almost every episode. Adora didn’t mind wearing a dress most of the time even if it wasn’t her usual, but she also insisted on wearing pants sometimes as part of her representation thing (and also just being authentically herself).

⦁ Okay, so villains on the show often end up with a “nemesis” (or just a self-appointed good guy) who eventually warns the lead about their bad behavior. This is the dragon slayer: they don’t win, but they provide a character role and help the lead with things that they wouldn’t know otherwise because production certainly isn’t telling them. This season plays the jealous ex angle at first (for its own drama as they originally intended, and to try to make Catra’s behavior “understandable” once she turns over a new leaf) but as her feud with Lauren grows, Catra starts to seem like the dragon slayer, especially once Adora goes to her for advice on what to do with the other girls. People read that one of two ways: the way the watch party did, or the “oh, they’re not feeling the romance coming back so Adora is going to her for advice like you would with a friend.” This date coming up seems to reinforce the dragon-slayer narrative, but it’s the rare case where telling on someone works out. It helps that what she was telling on wasn’t just something like a hunch about someone wanting to get famous.

⦁ “All this because Catra got horny” Mermista you should see the stuff that happened in other universes because of that. This is nothing.

⦁ I did googling on the spelling of mic as a verb and mostly I got a lot of people with loud — incorrect — opinions. And by incorrect opinions, I mean people saying “it should be this, ‘mic’d’ is stupid,” which is completely missing the point. Language and spelling is not about what “should” be, mic is the accepted term used in the industry. Niche words like this come up all the time and it’s the people who invent those words and use them day in and day out that decide what those words mean and how they’re spelled, not loudmouths on Reddit. Because of all that though, I couldn’t find a consensus. I had to phrase it as “mic’d” though because that’s what the industry says. The people filming wouldn’t have phrased it another way (another suggestion from people on forums online) so I had to find a way to spell it. Consensus seemed to be either mic’d or miked, but the latter does Not look right, so I ended up settling on mic’d.

Chapter 6: Hometowns

⦁ Adora and Teela really had a more kinda “big sister” relationship, but they were both only children and Adora had no concept of family, not to mention they were on a show all about finding romance, so they were kind blinded to it. On the hometown date, they didn’t really talk that much about marriage despite production prompting them around it because they were kind of subconsciously blocking that and also having so much fun together they didn’t question it. Adora wanted to spend time with Teela and thought she was super cool, Teela had a lot of fun and wanted to show Adora all the cool things she experienced and open her up to a new lifestyle she was clearly enamored with, and no one questioned that further because they were getting the gushing confessionals they wanted. Teela’s parents saw such a small cross-section of them they just saw them having fun together and didn’t second-guess it.

⦁ By the time of Catra’s hometown, production had figured out that Catra was going to be final two (even though Adora hadn’t). Adora hadn’t even fully processed that Catra was going to Fantasy Suites with her since Melendy got cut. Production knew they really had to humanize her, which had been a slow shift in narrative behind the scenes the more it became clear Adora was actually giving Catra a chance now, but this was when the scramble happened. They were lining up their editors and ready to get Catra anything she needed for her hometown, even if it ended up untraditional. This was their mold-breaking season, after all, and even though they followed the formula pretty well for most of it, there were some big moments, and this ended up being one of them.

⦁ I’m like 99% sure volunteer dates have been done on the show before when the star was an activist or something but I can’t think of any examples so I can’t back that up. Either way, it’s definitely not common, but it was Catra trying to get a positive message out there, like she talks about in her Fantasy Suite.

⦁ Adora weird texts were because she needed Glimmer to at least be open to being in Catra’s corner considering the bombshell they were going to get later.

⦁ Usually hometowns are for sussing out 1) if someone is being real with you because what their families are like and what they say around them tells you a lot, 2) if they’re ready for marriage (it seems like every season there’s someone in the family who tells the lead their child/sibling/nibling/etc isn’t ready for marriage or doesn’t seem like themselves around them), and 3) if you’re really in love. Sometimes people do get left dramatically mid-hometown (like the one in season 19 where the bachelorette realized she wasn’t ready to meet his family when she got there and left him on the street to VISIT THEM ALONE comes to mind oh my god. Like she wasn’t wrong to not lead him on but that sucks. I found out about this after writing the Melendy shit btw lmao) but usually someone is only cut at the end.

⦁ I didn’t include Tali’s hometown, even though it could have included some good angst, because 1) I really wanted to end on that line about disappearing into the trees, 2) all the internal debate Adora had during it was just a Less Aware™️ version of the angst from the Final Rose chapter so it felt repetitive. I know that made it “more obvious” who Adora was going to choose but… if you didn’t know that from chapter one I can’t help you.

Chapter 7: Fantasy Suites

⦁ The conversation during the watch party speculating about the order the show was using for the girls is kind of the prelude to them picking up the subtext in chapter 9.

⦁ The mentions of their final dinner tie into a cut scene I might post separately, but then I came up with new context which is my actual in-universe explanation: their first date didn’t involve dinner. However, there was a family restaurant the football team would go to for victory dinners sometimes, dragging some of the cheerleaders along, and of course wherever Adora went Catra did too, so they had eaten there before, just never on their own.

⦁ It wasn’t until I was editing this scene that I realized you might not know what the date cards are if you hadn’t watched the show but like. I was too lazy to add an explainer lmao. I’ll do it here though: basically the host (or the lead) gives out date cards every week with a little ~teaser title~ on it and the list of names for the people going on in (for instance “Bare Your Soul”). Kinda punny/foreshadowing names like that come up. For Fantasy Suites, it’s basically a card inviting them to go up to the Fantasy Suite together.

⦁ I was picturing a specific hotel in Thailand for their resort, but I don’t know what this hotel is or when or how I saw it. I remember seeing video touring the whole thing at some point though. Anyway it quite literally backed onto the forest with monkeys running all over and stuff. I don’t know what the technical difference between forest and jungle is but my brain says if there’s monkeys and a bazillion percent humidity it’s probably a jungle.

Chapter 8: Interlude

⦁ The reason Light Hope is the host and not DT is two-fold: 1) I cast Hope for the host/producer role because of her manipulative role in canon, before my brain caught up with the fact that hey, this is reality TV, why isn’t DT here? And 2) the in-canon reason is DT needs to manage all these story lines, which means they are the one that needs to be available off camera at all times to prod someone at just the right moment or manage things to create dramatic moments, and they have more opportunity for that if they aren’t the one hosting. I did consider having them be the host of just the Wo/Men Tell All special, but tbh Adora would have accidentally blurted out spoilers if DT was around to goad them so it had to go this way lmao.

⦁ I watched a bunch of Bachelor/ette anouncements on YouTube (again, having never seen the show, recaps usually sum it up as “[the host] announces [x] is our new Bachelor/ette”) and wow there is no consistency to them. Almost every single one was a little different and set up differently, but a common model was “Your new bachelor/ette, [x]” followed by applause as they walk out in evening wear, so I went with that but added in a bit like the contestants normally do when coming out of the limo because that felt fitting both with the franchise and with the fact that this was Adora’s introduction to the franchise. In the announcements I saw, not once did they use a last name because everybody watching already new who “Joey” or whoever was from watching the season, but again, Adora was brand new to the franchise, so a full name and bit made sense for her.

⦁ Deena was one of my “potential names” that I didn’t end up using/needing, but it was some… IDK, Twiglet or NPC or something in the original. The real reason I picked it is because I has used “Dee” as a random generic background character name before (for those curious: it was in OTOS’s sequel, BYLM).

⦁ I know the show has discussed stuff that happened on Instagram and shit repeatedly so I decided they would probably be willing to acknowledge things that happened “off camera” if they were important and alluded to in the show like the cheating.

⦁ A lot of people were speculating on who the “other two” on the camping trip were but the real reason it was a four-bed cabin is I’ve never seen a three bed cabin XD The ones at the park near me are all four-bed in the sense they all have two bunk beds lol. It were just Adora, Teela, and Catra.

Chapter 9:

⦁ I don’t remember if I ever said this in the fic at this point, but Catra has short hair in this one because she gave herself a dyke cut after coming out to rub it into Weaver’s face.

⦁ Adora was picking up on the vibes and griping about it, but Catra said she wasn’t bothered and then climbed in Adora’s lap to “distract her.” And yeah she was too distracted for Glimmer’s next text lol.

Chapter 10:

⦁ There was voice over as Adora went through the ropes and their meanings both explaining some details on what they meant (since the concept is familiar, but in a mostly abstract way, to mainstream audiences). The narration talked about how important the tradition was to Catra and how Adora could never take her this far and not look over the meanings. It made it kind of ambiguous whether she was legitimately considering the ropes or just showcasing this thing that was important to her once-best friend.

⦁ Adora looks at the camera after Hope mentions keeping Melendy because she’s thinking about Melendy (potentially, she would totally understand if she wasn’t) watching along at home and what she would want to say to her that she didn’t get to before.

⦁ Hope’s “sometimes you follow your heart” line is 100% canned and something she regularly regurgitates from a script when the moment calls for it. In this moment, however, the follow-up was a quiet disapproval for picking Catra. Hope was never going to directly interfere with Adora’s final choice — it seemed obvious that Adora had to decide independently or the relationship was going to blow up fast and make them look worse than Adora picking the “wrong” option for their preferred narrative — but she still didn’t want Adora to pick Catra, so she has occasionally let slip something to that effect in private conversations off camera. Usually not to Adora, but Adora has long figured out what production actually wanted out of the season.

⦁ The camera suddenly cut to Adora and Tali after Tali mentioned Catra because Hope twitched from someone spoiling her show (even if like, come on, everyone knew Adora was going to ask Catra Something and Catra would say yes). There quietly controlling her inner rage was something Adora could detect after working with her for so long, which is also why Adora was giggly (well, that and relief). That’s also why Hope was so aggressive jumping back into the conversation, because she was trying to take control of it again.

⦁ Adora looked more serious/neutral because she had her whole speech prepared about the things they needed to work on and the fact this was, in essence, conditional, so she was gearing herself up for that and didn’t want Catra to think that she was ignoring everything she had planned to do.

Chapter 11:

⦁ I went back and forth on Catra’s phrasing following the “Rebuild with me?” because Catra’s response doesn’t work as well from Glimmer’s perspective, but it’s so important for her to respond like that because it’s Adora saying “Rebuild and try with me” and Catra saying “Yes, I want to change” so I kept it.

⦁ Adora told Catra about the whole ropes debacle that night and Catra was both annoyed — at production, and sy how much the delay made her worry — and found it funny. After Catra pulled her into the limo following the proposal, they went back to the hotel, packed up, and Catra joined her in her suite again that night before they had to fly back home at 4AM. They did some catching up and making out but mostly they just held each other and were Done.

⦁ Okay so they haven’t told their therapist how the show ended, it’s just incredibly obvious. They’ve told her they can’t legally tell her anything that happened until after the corresponding episode has aired, but then they’re going to therapy to build a healthy relationship together and work through past obstacles like Catra’s jealousy and Adora leaving her behind and expecting Catra to follow her along — especially since that’s kind of still happening, only for better reasons now and when they can both be more mature about it — so it’s kind of really obvious what the end result was lmao. Their therapist watched two episodes for context but with how heavily edited it is, it wasn’t actually that helpful.

⦁ I never brought up their jobs because… they weren’t working for months lmao, but Adora works for Angella as he day job so she could get the time off and at the start of the fic Catra is a graphic — and website, to some degree — designer primarily working for Entrapta’s robotics business, though she does work on the side for other clients.

⦁ Glimmer’s ambush wasn’t actually coordinated, Perfuma just saw it happening at a volume that seemed calm and quietly assisted letting it play out. She wants them all to have healthy relationships now, but she wants to protect her friend too.

⦁ This final chapter took so long despite being written before I even posted chapter 9 because I knew something was missing from it but I’m so busy I’m kind of creatively stalled out so I couldn’t really pinpoint what vibe was off. It turned out to be a rehaul of the confrontation and adding in the party scene to have a bit more closure on that angle since it felt like Glimmer accepted it too quick for her. It allowed circling around on the marriage aspect before the final scene too. It ended up making this the longest chapter of the fic though.

⦁ Melendy… deserves a break. She left Adora’s season knowing she had to focus on her own happiness and getting to a good place with her family. After her parents drove Adora away, she had a fight with them about them preferring to ruin her happiness over it coming from something they didn’t approve of. Things were really tense with them for a while but they started trying to work on being more open so Melendy would be comfortable sharing her life with them even if it didn’t go how they wanted. When Melendy had a few awkward dates that didn’t work out and then eventually decided to go on the show again, they were hopeful that they wouldn’t have to confront any of it further since she was going on a man’s season. Obviously that didn’t work out, and it was upon meeting the bachelor and him being a lot less concerned with things like Melendy’s ear positioning that made them face themselves a bit more given how parallel the situation was to how they met Adora. Melendy sat them down and had a really long talk before her season about how she was going to have guys and girls on it and they had to be prepared to meet and support both in the finale or be prepared not to be there at all. They tried to open themselves up to it more. Melendy was really excited about being the bachelorette and having one last shot at happiness. Despite being near all the manufacturing of the show twice now, she believed in the love story still, and she was the kind of person who liked structure around dating. It was easy back when she was in school, but once it was down to meeting random strangers out in the world and on dating apps, she struggled with it a lot more, so she really thought the show could bring her happiness if she gave it one last chance as the lead. It did, btw. Her final three were Duke, one of the fighting girls, and another girl who was kind of a surprise to her but things suddenly started to heat up with her near the end. Duke pulled an Idiot and basically eliminated himself when one of the producers talked him into going to her after their Fantasy Suite and telling her on camera that he wasn’t comfortable with her sleeping with the other girls. Melendy was seriously considering him and might have been willing to decide on him and make that concession if he brought it up in the privacy of the Fantasy Suite, preferably before they had sex so she could really consider the whole picture without a fucking camera on her. It felt manipulative — probably because he was manipulated into doing it when a producer caught him stewing over the upcoming dates — so she told him she wasn’t making that promise and they parted ways really tensely. He basically knew he was going home when the next girl stayed the night with Melendy. There wasn’t any dramatic early exit, which gave him and some of the viewers hope, but it was an eventuality when she gave the roses to the other two girls. Her parents were disappointed, but they’d prepared themselves for this situation and were a lot more open than they had been with Adora. They ended up endorsing the surprise contestant — half because she seemed really sweet, and half because she was a magicat — and Melendy was thrilled to make that decision with her parents’ support. She wanted to be proposed to, so the girls went with it, and though Melendy personally would have been happy either way, the surprise girl passed her parents’ final test when she brought ropes rather than the ring the other girl picked out (which, to be fair, she did knowing Melendy was okay with it since she was unsure about the rope thing in general and asked Melendy about it). They have a much more whirlwind married in nine months kind of relationship the producors are really looking for, but luckily it worked out for them too.

Original Outline:

This fic was originally a lot shorter. Basically, I had a few big moments and then not more plan of what (if anything) would go in between. The original idea was the limo entrance, cocktail party confrontation, the coming out Bare Your Soul date, a later addition of the vineyard date, Catra’s hometown, and then Catra’s fantasy suite, the ropes, and the proposal.

Originally, it was a lot more ambiguous how Catra was feeling about Adora until the Fantasy SUite. She was a lot cooler to her throughout it and they didn’t get stuff like the soft moment late at night in Bright Moon that they ended up with. In the original outline, Catra’s plan was a bit more manipulative, with her original (conscious) idea being to try to make sure Adora got her heartbroken however she could, even if that meant luring her in again and breaking her heart at the end herself. That lasted about five seconds, and as I thought about the idea I realized that wasn’t really how I was picturing the intent or function of Catra’s plan, but it did mean I lost the line of “The plan was to break your heart on national television.” I did my best to get something close because I loved that line.

Catra was also supposed to be a lot more cagey after the reveal because she held onto her plan for longer and thus had a harder time sorting out the actual feelings she buried beneath it, so she couldn’t say what she did for the show and what she did for her plan or when she stopped trying to hurt Adora, but when the plan softened, so did the fallout from it too. The show was then supposed to roll right into the ring/rope selection with Adora’s time with the final girl specifically not shown but its absence making it clear she didn’t make up her mind regardless of what happened in the Fantasy Suite, but it needed more fleshing out by the time I reached there in the story, especially since I knew who the other girl was at that point. The fic was supposed to basically end with the proposal, but I couldn’t have stopped there once I reached it and it wouldn’t have been the right call anyway lol.

Upcoming:

I might have more meta coming for this (see: cut scene mentioned above) but aside from that I’ve got some ideas competing and a low creative pool at the moment so I’m not sure which fic will be next. I’ve got some fun ideas and some specific ass weird ones.

[more-better-words]

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good (wedding) night!

Some spice below the cut, obvs.

They ended up staying at the reception for a few hours, mostly because of the food. Chef had outdone himself with the spread. "I am unsure," T'Pol said, taking a bite of cake and watching their crewmates, "if our presence is even truly required."

"Any excuse for a party, I guess," Trip chuckled, stealing some of her cake. She retaliated by liberating one of his biscuits.

But it wasn't just any party - it was their wedding reception, so they were toasted by the senior staff (everyone agreed that Malcolm's toast was actually the best, something Hoshi would never quite be able to forgive him for), and cheerful congratulations rained down on them both. So they slipped away a few times to talk in private, and once just to allow T'Pol to drink her tea in peace. Finally, they made their true exit, but since they were on a small starship, there was no honeymoon getaway awaiting them, just the use of the guest quarters.

Which was more than adequate under the circumstances, as T'Pol's quarters were packed up in anticipation of her imminent departure. In thirty-six hours, she would leaving for Earth to begin her new assignment, and Trip would be left waiting to join her. He was trying not to think about that.

"So," he asked, "any regrets yet?" She gave him an amused look.

"None thus far." She sat and began to remove her shoes, looking thoughtful. "It was a very pleasing wedding."

"Nothin' fancy, nothin' over the top, nothin' too...cultural," he agreed.

"Only the culture of Enterprise," she said. "Which is fitting, I think."

He nodded in happy agreement, trying to stifle a yawn. His success only lasted a moment before it returned, hugely and with a vengeance. She watched him with gentle sympathy. "It has been an eventful day," she said. "We should get some sleep."

"Not yet!" he protested. At her confused expression, he exclaimed, "It's our weddin' night!"

That didn't help. "And?"

"Well...it's traditional for the married couple to...celebrate privately after the wedding."

"To have sex."

"Yeah."

"But you are tired," she said. "As am I, in all honesty. It has been a long day. What is the significance in having sex tonight as opposed to any other night?"

"For one, you're leavin' the day after tomorrow!"

"Which would indicate that tomorrow would the logical time to have sex."

He stared at her. "Are you really logic-ing me? Now? About this?" She returned the stare, intent on her quest for understanding.

"Is this another marital superstition? Is there some ritual significance to sexual contact within a certain number of hours of the wedding ceremony?"

"No! It's just-"

This was going awry, she realized. Time for a different tack. She touched his face, her palm to his cheek. "Trip," she said softly, "you know that I enjoy every form of intimacy we share." He nodded. "So is it not logical to share the intimacy of sleep tonight, when we will have all of tomorrow to do with as we please?"

He squinted at her, mouth pursed hard, because he disapproved of her logic but could not actually dispute it. The he yawned again, and gave up. "You're right," he said dejectedly.

She lowered her hand, the better to put her arms around him. He leaned into the hug, resting his chin on her shoulder. "It will be worth forebearing," she murmured.

"Promise?"

Statistical probability seemed to be on her side. "Yes."

They stood together quietly until he was attacked by another yawn. She nudged him towards the bed. "At least I am still gettin' to sleep with you," he said, pulling off his shirt.

"Precisely."

He lay down, holding his arms open for her, and she contentedly settled against his chest. Sex (at least with him) was extremely enjoyable in ways she had been frankly unaware of for the majority of her life, and gaining that understanding had been extraordinarily rewarding. It was only with the growth of their relationship that she had come to understand how meaningful it could be to experience and share that kind of physical pleasure. But the same could said of this intimacy as well - the peace and security of being close to him, listening to him breathe, feeling the warmth of his body against hers. It was easy to fall asleep like this, safe in her husband's arms.

Her husband.

What an excellent phrase.

She didn't so much wake as slowly drift back to consciousness, senses beginning to prepare reports on the state of reality. And the first she received was of the location of Trip's left hand, resting on her hip, fingers slipped into her underwear between the fabric and her skin, thumb hooked on the waistband.

Interesting.

She opened her eyes, and found they lay facing one another, because his face (his beloved, eminently touchable face) was only a few centimeters from her own. And perhaps she stirred or made some small sound she wasn't aware of, because he opened his too. "Hey, beautiful," he murmured. He seemed to realize where his hand was and gave his fingers an experimental flex. "Huh. Dunno how I managed that."

"I have no objection."

"Hmmm. That's good." He let his hand drift, following the curve of her hip around to hold her ass, and she sighed softly at the sensation. There was only one logical response to it, which was to close that gap of centimeters, touch his cheek, and kiss the lips so close to her own.

It was a slow, meandering kiss, one with no real destination in mind, simply enjoying the mutual movement of lips and tongues, indulgent and luxuriating. They had nowhere to be, and no obligations but to each other, nothing to do but give and take.

By fractions, by degrees, it deepened; his hand slid down the back of her thigh, taking her panties with it. She made a little involuntary noise of approval, deep in her throat, and hooked her leg over his hip, pulling him closer. He was hard, and he groaned against her lips as she ground on him, trying to find purchase to have him in her. But the angle wasn't quite right, and at any rate, he was still wearing underwear, a problem that rated immediate action.

"Workin' on it," he muttered. The instinct to remain in contact fought with the necessity of a changed position. She used the leg she'd half-wrapped around him to roll them both. With her on her back, it was easier for him to shed his underwear, kicking it into the floor almost spitefully, as if its continued existence was a personal insult.

"Now where were we?" he asked, eyes traveling over her hungrily. In response, she pulled him over her, wrapping both legs around his hips. He chuckled a little breathlessly. "Right. Good call."

She inhaled deeply as he entered her, her eyes fluttering closed. He dropped to his forearms, his breath warm in her ear. "God, T'Pol..." he sighed. "Baby, you feel so damn good."

"Likewise," she whispered.

He smiled faintly, his breathing and his movement matched, the tempo of each slowly building, his eyes fixed on her face. She would never get tired of the way he looked at her - he'd always said he's gone out into the stars to see what amazing things were out there, yet the wonder in his eyes now said there was nothing more amazing than her. Logically speaking, that could not possibly be true, but she would never tell him he should not.

Her breathing was becoming more and more erratic; she could feel the delicious tension of an impending orgasm building within her. Soon it would reach its crescendo, and then release, like stepping off a cliff in zero gravity. She gripped his shoulders tightly, and knew that he knew. "I've got you," he whispered.

And he did - he was deep inside her, holding her close as her body bent against his. The crescendo, and the release. He let out a long, very deliberate breath, shuddering slightly as the movement of his hips increased, a seemingly automatic response. His head dropped, resting against hers, whispering her name as another shudder racked him.

"And I have you," she panted softly, taking his face in her hands and kissing him deeply as he came.

They parted slowly, the separation coming grudgingly. "Good morning," she breathed. He smiled.

"Mornin'," he said, still catching his breath. He gingerly rolled onto his side next to her. "Okay, you win...that was worth the wait."

"Better to be well rested," she said, feeling validated. He stuck the very tip of his tongue out at her.

"You don't hafta be smug about it," he retorted, then smiled again, stretching. "That was really good, though. That was...yeah." 

"Your descriptive powers are overwhelming."

"Oh, that's what overwhelmed you earlier?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, but she would have to let him have that one. "Fair point," she said. He replied with a teasing smile, reaching out to pull her close to his chest again. 

"Here's a hypothesis for you," he said. "Married sex may be more fun than the other kind."

She considered the proposition. "That will require significant testing to prove or disprove."

"Well, you know me...I'm a big fan of scientific rigor."

"Some sort of rigor, at any rate," she said, and he grinned a pleased, cheeky grin. There was something in the expression, something so beautifully Trip, that she couldn't help but stroke his face, fingertips drawn down to his jawline. "That could be a study that will require a protracted timeline of inquiry. Many years, most likely."

"Take your time," he said, his eyes warm. "I'm a very willin' subject."

[trans-temporial]

Something that bothers me about when people post about “fans care more about a TV show than about Palestine or about anti-trans bills” because it feels like they saw the renewal campaign and the petition and decided that this is what fans are doing 24/7 with no thoughts of anything else.

Of course we care about things other than this TV show. I think the main issue is deciding that someone’s online presentation of themselves is representative of their whole life offline and that’s cause to assume their politics and treat them accordingly. The OFMD campaign looks like it’s taking up a lot of people’s time online because in this instance the most effective way to bring attention to the show and generate interest is via social media, but most forms of activism can’t be told from someone’s social media. I go to a lot of trans marches which I can’t post about online for safety reasons (TERFs seeing and showing up, people being identified and outed from pictures, etc). You can’t tell from my Tumblr that I go to trans marches but that doesn’t mean I don’t go.

Yes, people post about OFMD a lot because in this instance that’s one of the most helpful things to do. I think also people are just happy to for once be part of a campaign that actually has a tangible goal and is having clear successes. Being involved in huge political causes can be so daunting and depressing especially when you have skin in the game and often it feels like just fighting against a huge tidal wave that you have no control over. With OFMD, it’s something that brings us joy and community, and we’ve already had so much success (the petition, billboard, cast and crew acknowledgment) that of course we throw ourselves into a cause that feels like it might actually achieve its goal. Activism can so lonely and hopeless at times. To band together with other people to perform what are essentially 21st century online Zaps (queer activist tradition, look up the Lavender Menaces) is really moralising and exciting when the world feels so out of control in so many other respects.

I’m sure there’s a mix of people in the OFMD who are activists for other causes and some who aren’t. I don’t know, because I don’t know them. Maybe the people sending death threats post a lot about Palestine on social media but don’t do any other activism. Or maybe they do. I don’t know - because I don’t know them. Online personas are curated for a reason, and adapt depending on the platform. My Tumblr and my Instagram are very different because my Insta is private and it’s mostly my close friends. I just don’t think it’s possible to get enough of an idea of someone based just on social media.

[cairoscene]

fic writer meme

thanks em @uhuraisgay and lore @megafaunatic for the tag <3

How many works do you have on Ao3?

between my accounts, a nice tame 18 total

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

217,330 lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i definitely write for fewer fandoms than i'm in, so in the past it was mxtx danmei novels and now it's batman (current obsessions pending fic...)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

what else is there? (mdzs)

2. you'll know, you'll fall (tgcf)

3. send to all (batfam)

4. one word from you (mdzs)

5. to recollect and long for (mdzs)

the wangxian monopoly....

5. Do you respond to comments?

not anymore :( i used to respond to every comment i got, but it ended up being too much stress. so i read and appreciate every comment i get, but i only really respond if someone asks me a question or needs clarification on something

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't really write unadulterated angst and i'm a lover of a happy ending, so i guess it would be bring the ashes to me......... my fic which famously has no ending at all...........and in fact leaves xie lian in a Pretty Bad Place.......... oops

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably you'll know, you'll fall, which i briefly reread not too long ago and. well. to those who continue to enjoy it, i treasure you. i will say i tied up every possible loose end in that fic including?? giving xl a job at sqx's hotel management firm????? let's just say i would do it differently now

8. Do you get hate on fics?

honestly no, never, just the occasional rude comment. i delete and move on

9. Do you write smut?

with varying degrees of success, yes. i like to think i've gotten better over time. writing porn is an aspect of craft that really fascinates and interests me, figuring out what i like to read vs what i like to write, balancing titillation with characterization and finding where the two lean in and kiss. half of my private bookmarks are random fics where the sex scenes just worked for me and i must squirrel it away to study under a microscope to figure out Why

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

not really, and i don't tend to read them, either. i think they're really hard to pull off successfully and generally my brain isn't on board with reconciling irreconcilable world-building aspects just for the fun of it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so? there was definitely...... a trend of let's call it Unattributed Inspiration in the mxtx fandoms, where any fic or tweeted idea or headcanon that got passed around would inevitably show up in the tag without attributing it to the originator. i remember reading a fic and enjoying it and then suddenly being like Wait...... why is this familiar? and discovering it was very clearly inspired by one of mine lol. i wouldn't call it plagiarism bc let's just all calm down, but it isn't a phenomenon i've encountered outside mostly mdzs fandom, let's put it that way

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!!!! mostly russian and mandarin. i feel like being asked if someone can translate my fic (or podfic it) is the highest possible praise and i'm always very flattered

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i was going to say no at first but then i remembered that @bluecrystalrainingdaggers helped me write a charity fic back when i wasn't really feeling wangxian but needed to fulfill on the charity raffle we ran. she basically gave me the outline and i wrote it and i would never have survived without her

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

i am a fickle creature, so i don't have one. i have ships i return to over the years when i crave a specific dynamic, like kirk/spock and wolfstar and damen/laurent. in general my ships fulfill a specific need i'm looking for, hualian for the comfort and care, ghostbat for sustainable toxic soulmates, [redacted] for the angst and misunderstandings, vashwood for the doomed clowns etc etc etc

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

bring the ashes to me. sorry

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i can write a good sex scene

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot :( dialogue :(((( sitting down to write at all :(((((((((

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

i feel like i don't have strong opinions on this front. it seldom bothers me but when it's done well it's a really great element

19. First fandom you wrote for?

on ao3, mdzs. on fanfiction.net the musketeers (2014) and that wizard one

20. Favorite fic you have written?

i'm really very fond of lover be good to me. it's one of my least accessible fics on account of the rarepair but i had a lot of fun writing it and i think the final product is pretty satisfying. i feel like i was able to say and explore everything about the ship i wanted to, which is really fulfilling

tagging @englishsub @vinelark @eggmacguffin @90kon @yuebings @floofyfluff @deadchannelradio and anyone else who wants to do it

[kanmom51]

Hi i saw your post about jikook filming and taking pictures of e/o thru the years...i started tearing up a lil bit.

i'm kinda mad at all the jikook blogs that keeps appearing in my feed lately i'm not following any of them but i do follow the #jikook tag, i even blocked some out of anger because they keep saying jikook are distanced and shit over what exactly? because no new SNS media of the two of them for the past few days??? i admit it's a jikook drought but isn't y'all reaction too much? can't we just appreciate their bond without speculating and speaking for their bond without knowing absolutely nothing that's going on in their lives rn? we don't know shit! and that's it! but if there's ANYthing i'm damn sure about it's jimin and jungkook and their love.

i'm really in need of some wholesome jikook accounts that celebrate sweet and lovely jikook moments, i'm new to tumblr so i'm kinda lost...so i followed you ^v^ you seem like a very adorable and fun mom hehe i think i like your space a lot <3

have a good day!!!

Thank you for your kind words @tinygoo  and welcome to my blog.

💜💜

I kind of feel like maybe not all, but most of the 'jikook blogs' that are talking about them being distant were either not jikook blogs to start with or are more about the shipping and not supporting, expecting or feeling owed the content (like these are two puppets and not actual humans living their day to day lives).

I kind of feel like those that talk about them being distant are mostly young and immature with zero to no good loving and long term relationship experience.

But there are also MANY trolls utilizing this insecurity (which I for one don't get anymore - it comes in waves, it is always proven to be wrong time after time, and still it doesn't seem to go away). They hide as supposed jikook blogs or call themselves ex-jikookers, but they were never believers or supporters of the couple to begin with, and you can see it if you stay around long enough and read all their posts or comments. For the life of me, I do not understand people wasting their time and energy to try and convince people that a certain pair are not a couple, not a couple anymore or were never a couple. Like, I believe that JM and JK are a couple. Do I go to TKK accounts and try to convince them TKK aren't a couple, or try to convince them that Jikook are? Nope. I just don't get it.

This story of distant Jikook has been going on for exactly a year now. Starting when they got back from LA.

All while it was the exact same situation - not seeing them together, not having them to interact AT ALL on SM. stories of them being distant, them breaking up, JK cheating on JM, JM being with a new lover, and it goes on and on and on. All total bullshit. All totally baseless made up fanfics. All because people just cannot see them as two normal (yet super talented and successful) human beings actually having a normal long term loving relationship.

And every single time it gains traction, it's proven wrong by their behaviour with each other, things they say or do or even things we hear from other members (cough Hobi cough).

As you said: "we don't know shit". Not what they are doing workwise (apart from a vague knowledge JM is working on his album), what they are doing in their spare time, who they are spending their time with at work and in their free time (out and about or at home).

There is sooooooo much Jikook content, and although I'd love to get some new content, I do understand their need to stay private and silent at the moment.

So, why not enjoy what they have given us up to this point?

Anyway, I'm babbling away here. Lovely to have you onboard. Hope you enjoy the content in this blog, I will do my best to continue to add more and more in the new year too (I feel like it helps with missing them so much).

And I will take this opportunity to wish you and all my readers Happy new year. 💜💜