#which is kind of real but doesn’t really go in deep beyond ‘people hate thinking’ which

[boysnberriespie]

This is very beginner thoughts but I do think the trend of “anti-intellectualism” seems more like a greater trend towards reactionary and conspiracy like thinking because the world is in fucking turmoil

[merakiui]

omg i loved the discord mod idia post !!! he's so slimy [like the meddling tweels hehe] but he tries so hard 😔😔 and omg the tags?? depraved discord mod azul?? can we pls hear your thoughts on him :oo

(also i hope you're doing well!!! :D)

Discord mod Idia is so gross and slimy, but we love him. <3

Now as for discord mod Azul!!!!

(cw: yandere, nsfw, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, obsession, implied kidnapping)

Outside of being a mod, he’s actually really successful. He either runs an entire corporation or he has a high-paying position at one. You probably work alongside him. Maybe he’s a coworker you occasionally talk brief business with when you happen to find yourself in the elevator with him, or you meet at the ground floor coffee shop just below the company’s floors. You’d never expect he’s the mod you’re in an online relationship with. You’d never expect that this silver-tongued, pressed suit-wearing individual is a filthy Magicord mod in private, who you met in a server designed like a deep-sea lounge after breaking a few rules and he’d so kindly decided to spare you.

This person who is absolutely ruthless when it comes to climbing the social ladder and annihilating any competition is the same one who texts you day and night, referring to you as his precious angelfish, his beloved pearl, his sweet siren. The man who stole that promotion from you—who proceeded to pat you on the back with a consoling smile that jeered ‘better luck next time’ when you fretted over the news—is the exact man who spends absurd amounts of money on you, who listened to you touch yourself while whispering filthy things into the mic during a heated VC, who tells you of everything he wishes to do with you when the two of you finally meet.

You don’t even know his real name and he doesn’t know yours either, and you certainly have no idea that he’s that annoying coworker you hate with a passion. He calls himself Sea Witch on Magicord, which is fitting for the server’s marine theme. It’s actually a very cozy place! Lots of people hang out in VCs, it’s organized into labeled sections, and it’s got very good security measures. There’s a vice-mod who’s simply named J and another (not truly a mod but he claims he has mod abilities) user who goes by all sorts of names. It’s always changing. Just last week he was sneakerluvr42069 and now he’s tastykoebi. You haven’t had many exchanges with either of them, but it seems like they know Sea Witch well. Either way, the connection doesn’t mean much to you. You’re just glad he’s so willing to buy you anything and everything you ask for.

You once tried to dig a little deeper—to find out just who Sea Witch is. When you asked him what he looked like, he’d simply turned the question on you. You rarely send him photos of yourself, but when you do they’re usually explicit (most are of you in the lingerie and other outfits he buys you) and your face isn’t shown. He thinks you have a very desirable body. You’d like to see his, but he’s always evasive with any questions regarding who he is behind the Sea Witch mask. He must have a cushy job if he’s able to spend large amounts on you. When questioned about that, he just joked about how having a tongue of silver helps. You wonder what that truly means.

Beyond Sea Witch, Azul is actually surprisingly normal on the surface. He has his eccentricities, but most of these are hidden behind a disarming persona. He drapes himself in finery: golds and silvers, luxury brands, expensive colognes—typical rich normie stuff according to Idia. Azul hates going out in public. He hates having to smile and act kind at the office. He hates his coworkers. He hates having to put in so much effort just to look a certain way. He’d prefer to spend his time inside, reading, watching TV, messaging his angelfish. He loves his days off the most because he’s free to be as introverted as he wants without having to act. It’s just him, the comforting confines of his home, oversized pajamas, and a day free of responsibilities.

Azul usually spends these days talking to you, and when you aren’t available he’s taking up new hobbies with you in mind. He’s started tending to houseplants after you mentioned it briefly during one of your conversations. He’s also trying to get into miniature cooking because you sent him a compilation video of it and he wants to impress you with his talents. And he’s always browsing erotic sites to find the toys that fit your preferences. He wonders how you’d look in handcuffs, in cosplay, in collars and blindfolds. Most of all, he wonders how you’d look with his tentacles wrapped around you.

Azul doesn’t send you many pictures of his real life. He fears you might try to pry again and he doesn’t want that. It’s much better if you love Sea Witch instead of Azul. Sea Witch is mysterious, cool, unique, attractive. Azul is…Azul. He’s not very good at romance. He’s not very good with confidence, but Sea Witch is. Azul can act all he wants, but it’s impossible to feel happy with himself no matter what he does. When he’s Sea Witch, he can spin all sorts of tales without having to attach his appearance to any of it. You can love him for his money, his sense of humor, his taste in aesthetics, and he’ll never have to show you his face! Of course there are days when Azul peers at himself in the mirror and is struck with a sudden surge of confidence and he considers sending a spontaneous selfie or, Great Seven forbid, a dick pic. Really, he has so much class and a dick pic is just not the path he wishes to travel. Besides, scanty images are what you do best, not him. He’d much rather admire the artwork than become it himself.

Plus, when the two of you meet and he decides to keep you, you’ll get to see it in person. Surely that’s better than some grainy photograph. It’d look much nicer inside you, a good, snug fit. :)

To say Azul likes you would be a very big understatement. He’s infatuated, so much that he often messages you whenever he has the chance. You’re the first thing he thinks of when he wakes and the last thing he considers when falling asleep. He’s even taken to talking to you during work hours, his phone brightness dimmed to prevent any nosy onlookers from glimpsing his private exchanges. He realizes that texting and occasionally voice calling isn’t enough. He really wants to meet you in person. He wants to touch you, kiss you, hold you. He’s certain you’ll want that, too.

Azul just needs to finalize what remains of a secret space within his home. It’s just temporary, as all pain often is, and you won’t have to stay there forever if you can promise to be good for him. He’s always had this little fantasy, and it’s only grown with each passing day. In it, he’s married to you and you wait diligently for him to come home from work and you’re clawing at him for affection the minute he steps through the door. In it, you’re nothing without him. You crave his love, his touch, his dick. You kiss him all over, breathless and sloppy, as if he might vanish from your sight if you can’t pin him down with enough saccharine smooches. You always tell him how much you adore him, how you’ll always be here for him, how you’d never think of leaving him. Aside from the happenings of sweet, fluffy love, the two of you fuck on every piece of furniture, in every room, against every surface. He always cums inside. You always hold him close and praise him and tell him his dick is big and you love it and you love him and… It’s a really good fantasy! He’s working so hard to make it a reality.

And in this perfect dream of his, he’s all you’ll ever need. This one is important! You don’t need anyone else. You’ll only need him. You don’t need friends or family. You don’t need to work. He’ll give you a comfortable life that’s filled with affection.

So naturally Azul is livid when you message him saying you no longer wish to continue this relationship. You thank him for his time and everything he’s done for you, as courteous as ever, and then you unadd him. You wash your hands of him. You cast him aside. You leave his server, you stop contacting him, and you disappear. And his hearts—all three of them—shatter. Outside of Sea Witch, he’s lonely. He has no one who waits for him at home. He has no one who’ll cook him homemade meals, each made with love and care. He has no one who he can delight in married life with. He’s all alone.

Azul’s miserable. It’s hard to tell at work because he smiles through the suffering so that no one will suspect anything. He’s not sure what happened to his angelfish. Even Jade and Floyd were unable to contact you or find any traces of your user in other servers. He’s considered enlisting Idia’s help, but then that would mean he has to admit that he lost you. That he wasn’t able to retrieve you. That you’re drifting in a vast sea of people—of potential suitors! So he does what he does best: he thinks and he plans. He considers every plausible explanation, and within the month he’s arrived at many conclusions. Each is more frustrating than the last. He hates to think that you’d leave him for someone else. Honestly, what went wrong? What did he do incorrectly? Surely there was a part of him you found undesirable. Surely it’s his fault you left. There has to be a reason for all of this, but it’s been a month and there’s still no trace of you. His sanity is beginning to splinter.

When he hears a familiar name weeks later, his mind still in eternal mourning mode, he perks up at once. Someone’s talking about Sea Witch. Online dating. Uninstalling Magicord. Weird vibes. Wanting a face to face connection instead of something long-distance. Azul can’t believe his ears. Is this a coincidence? Is he just hearing things? Has he gone insane or has his angelfish always been this close?

You and the colleague you were talking to are gone before he can turn the corner and get a look at you. But hope is already sprouting within him. If what he heard is true—if you’re really his angelfish—then his life just got a lot better. He’ll find you, and when he does he’ll finally be back on track. He’ll finally get to begin his dream life with you.

And you’ll learn to love the man behind Sea Witch.

[zydrateacademy]

A Character Study: Dibbe

Some of my discord channels have "writing prompts" to help people drum up deeper thoughts about their characters and who they are on a baseline, day to day. So I googled some and found something... on Tumblr, no less. I removed some of the more milktoast "what would your character's favorite ice cream be". I frankly hate those kinds of questions because people read way too much into incredibly basic thoughts. Or no thoughts at all; "What kind of chair would you be?" Fuck off, we do deep thoughts here.

With that, let's begin.

The formatting is a bit fucky (the numbers aren't numbering) because I've copied both from a Doc and some Discord posts.

This photo: The first of Dib in Argo-form after I racechanged my old main. This costume was the first RPable outfit I had in my early days of ESO.

What is the primary source of inspiration of your character and what work have you put into changing things up and making it your own?

Dibbe is a culmination, a love letter to my favored gameplay style across my gaming life. I found that sneaking around gave me more time to absorb the world, and I usually end missions with more resources because I spent more time casing the nooks and crannies, not just going door by door and stealing everyone's pillows.

At the end of the day, when this topic is brought up my brain goes to Splinter Cell: Conviction, and how Sam Fisher was depicted throughout that game makes me think of Dibbe pretty often. In that game you can seamlessly switch between lethal and nonlethal depending on a second-by-second decision and pragmatism.

Beyond that she's a pretty original concept, and is really just my magnum opus for how I've operated in stealth games over the years. She represents the 'final lessons learned', while still being her own character with emotional outbursts. She's not infallible, but she's still a result of 20 years of rogue-ing gameplay experience.

What's a lie (or two) your character says most often?

Generally in public Dibbe will advertise herself as a scout. She doesn’t subscribe to the banner alliances, especially since Argonians are shacked up with Dunmer when the alliance comes along which she doesn’t agree with so her services are typically hired out to anyone. However she is rarely hired on in that regard as her albinism has really forced her to remain unseen to begin with. It’s very difficult to sneak around as an Albino, as when things go wrong people are quick to point to the one odd ‘creature’ skulking around the area, so she has trained herself to remain unseen in most circumstances.

She has to lie about other things as well, obviously she can’t just tell people outright she’s a thief. So obscuring that fact is probably the most common coverup.

How loosely or strictly does your character use the word 'friend'? How loose is your character’s use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

Friendship and love are interesting concepts for Dibbe. She shares a similar loneliness I do in real life, in that she sees a lot of her fellows as coworkers. I am not a thief in real life but I am a laborer who finds it difficult to find true friendship. Really, how many people at my grocery store would come help me move a couch? Who in my online circles would let me come roommate with them if I was to fall on hard times? Dibbe struggles with a similar issue, as very few people actually speak to her like a regular joe, but more of a kiosk for work and payment.

The matter of love works the very same way and is also a concept she struggles with. In her backstory she’s had exactly one true “lover” which ended badly. She’s currently dating someone via another player ICly, but she’s made it very clear that her experience with actual relationships is minimal compared to her other skill sets, social or otherwise. Even at her age, it’s still a ‘new’ thing to her.

How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just other players knowing?

Dibbe’s become more emotional in recent years regarding certain topics. A lot of her is actively true, she doesn’t lie terribly much to fellows in the underground as she usually feels that she’s among kindred spirits. So what she shows is typically fairly sincere, she only goes full mask up (personality-wise) when she’s out in public.

What is a dramatic change you’ve done to your character since you roleplayed them first? Minor retcons, personality shifts? Not in the way RP may have affected them over time, but what did you change because something didn’t quite ‘click’, and you felt the need to adjust?

Well for one, Dibbe was originally supposed to just be an Albino. When I started roleplaying her and attending some meet and greets, THREE separate characters meta’d her paleness and eyes and went with “I see that you’re afflicted”... I was still kind of on the fence about it but I was never contacted OOCly, people just kept assuming. I went with it, and frankly I don’t mind it overly much as it gave me more years/centuries to work with in terms of a wide open background. I’ve also been complimented at how well I hide it, but that’s baked in, because her vampirism was only ever a footnote to her complexity anyway.

Originally I had made her both a Dark Brotherhood and Thieves Guild member until I was rightfully informed that DB assassins don’t really go on “sabbaticals” or “vacations”, and in some fashion they will always be called upon to do some work. As Dib is my love letter to stealth gameplay over the years, I wanted to implement both of the franchises main stealth operations. Instead I split that concept off to the ex-lover she once had that turned her into a vampire to begin with, as well as a different alt, Sleeps-Under-Skies, my DB assassin character. Sleeps' name was also one of Dibbe's workshopped names before I went with "Honors-Silent-Steps".

Another thing that comes to mind is she’s a bit more emotional than I originally planned for her. In her earliest days of conception I wanted her to be a smooth, unflappable and suave Aragorn-type ranger (but a thief) but ultimately I think having her own occasional emotional outburst regarding some specific topics has given her more depth.

This photo: The beginning of a "vibe" I've maintained on her for years thereafter.

What’s an attribute of your character that is currently impossible to be presented with in-game resources? Be it looks, equipment, mannerisms. In other terms, what can’t you do ingame that has you resort to artist renditions, profile specifications, or verbose introductory emotes?

I try to keep my game visuals as close as possible so people don’t have to stretch their suspension of belief. I don’t typically RP any hefty use of scars or heavily variable body types. I once interacted with an Argonian player that was actually a behemoth, but that’s very difficult to keep in mind when they were emoting normally. Since it was an open event, I completely missed their original intro emote that had them duck and squeeze through the doorframe so for like an hour I thought I was interacting with a normal argonian. So I actively try to avoid that kind of problem.

So for Dibbe, what people don’t typically get to see very often is her tattoos. I like to think she has some nordic tribal body art across most of her body and tail. Sometimes you can catch it with the ingame overlays but the vamp skin “dulls” them much more than I’d like, and none of them really quite capture what I see in my own mind’s eye.

What's a hobby your character used to have that they miss?

For Dib this is heavily music related. I like to imagine she’s a decent throat-singer, and might have some experience with the lute. She just kind of fell off of it, is out of practice, but if I ever emote such a thing again I would make a note that she ‘recovers’ pretty quickly, implying that she once had some decent skill.

She’s also done poetry and songwriting in the past. A lot of her music hobbies have gone on the wayside as she’s delved deeper in the thieving lifestyle. She might still do some basic lute-plucking but it’s not a focus anymore.

Does your character give tough love and harsh truths or sugar-coat their advice? Which do they prefer to receive?

I imagine I might have the same answer as many other people here: It depends. I imagine Dibbe being able to read the room. Recently in her Guild, someone was wounded harshly -after- making some crucial mistake (not following the guildmaster’s orders). His wounds were not his fault, some magical item backfired on him. Instead of raking him over the coals right away she had the presence of mind to wait until he was lucid enough to actually hear her words.

So ultimately, she is a fan of tough love but will also try to gauge the situation so she can have a measured response.

What fact does your character excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

The “opportunity” is usually when asked about it directly. Dibbe introduces herself as Dibbe and also touts some alternatives like “Dib” or even “Debra” because it’s “not my real name anyway”. So right out of the gate people know it’s an alias. But what’s it from?

As a toddler, trying to take toys or things away from her fellow hatchlings, her first word was a combination of attempting to say “Dibs” and “gimme”, turning into a childish “dib-ee”. With little grabby hands and all. It’s a story she’s fond of, relayed to her by her mother when she was old enough to hear it.

If someone was impersonating your character, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

This question is very interesting to take on and took some contemplation. My first thought was her Nocturnal worship. In ESO’s timeline, she may not be the TG benefactor she would later become, but she’s still a very logical deity for career thieves to have so I’m sure an imposter could just hedge their bets and make an accurate assumption.

If any of her friends or loved ones caught any real oddities and decided to make inquiries, Dibbe is thinking ahead and has plans regarding her ‘fate’ in Coldharbour that only very, VERY few people know about at all. If asked about it, the imposter is sure to stumble and make up some bullshit that her mates will catch onto.

(As of this Tumblr post that plotline has been resolved but it's still something she keeps close to the chest in the event someone wishes to exploit it somehow. So it's still something an imposter would find trouble "knowing' outright.)

What's something that makes your character laugh every single time? Be specific!

Kids falling down. Dibbe could watch your kids fall over all goddamn day she doesn’t give a shit about your kids.

 What’s the most obvious difference between your character’s behavior at home, at work, with friends, and when they're alone?

Dibbe lives and breathes the thief life so even her home life is dedicated to keeping up with said style. She doesn’t actually change all that much when she’s alone. She might draw up some schematics, maybe try her hand at songwriting again, or pluck at a lute. Nothing that nobody hasn’t seen her do, it’s just rare.

What does your character notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

Most people note Dibbe’s albinism. Pale-scales are a thing, they’re just rare. A fellow Saxhleel once noted to her, “I didn’t realize our people came in stark white”.

I like to imagine she looks at her mouth. She maintains some wishful thinking that her face had more expression on it like humanoids do. In lore, Argonians have a stereotype for being “emotionless” because their face doesn’t move and contort as much as more human faces do. Dibbe likes being an Argonian just fine, she just kind of wishes her face was a little flatter, maybe.

Who or what does your character love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone or anything)?

Dibbe’s mother comes to mind. Succumbed to wounds during their owner’s house war, so she didn’t live long enough to end up disappointing Dibbe in any way, so all of her memories of her mother are wholesome and positive.

I like to imagine had she lived, she’d probably still remain a positive force in her life. Would probably even support Dibbe’s then-burgeoning lifestyle as a thief as a way to ‘get back’ at the elves. The woman was probably a stealth operative or scout before capture anyway so her daughter getting into crime would likely not have been a stretch.

On a less heavy note, Guar. But similar to her mother, she has no bad memories of Guar, and becomes annoyed when she learns that any meats or broth were derived from the adorable beasts.

What would your character do if stuck in a room with the person they've been avoiding?

Hoping the room is large enough, Dibbe would just prefer to seethe in the corner and not interact with them. Generally, she’d keep her distance as much as possible. Depending on the situation she’d prefer not to be noticed by said person. But if they were alone together then Dibbe would not be the one to speak first.

What common etiquette does your character disagree with? Do they still follow it?

(No answer yet, I need to put more thought into it)

What simple activity that most people do / can do that confounds, or scares your character?

(No answer yet, I need to put more thought into it)

What subject / topic does your character know a lot about that’s completely useless in most circumstances?

Dibbe’s lifestyle is very specific but she is semi-secretly a poet (not that she holds it as a secret, it’s just not a topic that ever comes up and thus doesn’t volunteer the information) and sometimes quotes fictional (self-created) in-universe poets, especially of the Bretonese kind. In my mind, Dibbe is well versed in a few race’s history with poetry and how their poems have evolved over the last few centuries… But this topic never comes up.

How would your character respond to being fired by a boss?

In her current situation, absolutely heartbroken. This comes from two angles. She has a benefactor, a mysterious background mastermind type. But they’ve been forged in plotlines that few people will ever hear about, and exist as an alt of mine. I don’t really see any kind of scenario where the two would ‘have’ to part ways.

The other… I mean, I can’t tell the future so maybe I’d OOCly fuck up in some way that would have the guildmaster ask me to remove myself from the Guild but being exiled from the Illiac Bay Thieves Guild would be very disheartening. And ICly, highly demoralizing.

How does your character respond when someone doesn’t believe them?

Depends on the situation. By Dibbe’s own lifestyle, she is a career thief. If she’s in persona-mode then she actively expects people to be at least one little level of suspicious. However in more protected environments, she’s actually a pretty truthful person overall. So if she gets argued with about something she knows she knows, her response is: Annoyance and slight aggression in her wording.

When your character makes a mistake and feels bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

I’d say Dibbe would respond about equally. Nearly, anyway. Personal mistakes she’d take in stride, but she takes pride in her professional work so any mistakes she’d take more problems with because she should have ‘been better’.

When does your character feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

In some ways it comes down to vampires. There’s been plenty of lore precedence despite the origins of the curse, that vampires can be sane and moral. All your PC’s across the franchise can be vampires and you can be as helpful or harmful as you please, and there’s the whole Ravenwatch arc (which I know is under some debate).

So some of Dib’s guilt comes from how she knows, for a fact, that vampires can be good and moral and suffers some secondhand guilt when one after the other just let themselves succumb to the inherent madness of the curse. She was mentored through her own, and is currently assisting another player in dealing with being recently turned. She wishes everyone had someone, anyone, to walk them through the process in a sane and measured manner but knows that would require a complete societal shift and maybe even require murdering a god to do it. She sure can’t, so she also has a fair bit of realism that a grand majority of vampires will continue to be the world’s enemy.

If your character committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

I’m almost voided out of this prompt as I play a career thief. If she were to ever do something literally petty, she’d knock over some market stalls. She’s not a petty person though, but it’s something of a daydream to give herself a giggle, not something she’d actually do.

How do they greet someone they dislike / hate? How do they greet someone they like / love?

Dibbe more or less just does the shun method. If she absolutely has to be in the same room as someone she actively dislikes, she elects not to speak to them when at all possible. But, she also can’t keep her mouth shut and will be compelled to correct anything she deems incorrect about the target’s thoughts, plans, and opinions. Just to make sure nearby compatriots aren’t tempted to engage in dumb ideas.

Obviously it’s basically the opposite on the other end. For acquaintances she’s fond of flicking her hood in greeting. She doesn’t make a show of greeting others so usually opts for a simple “Hey there”.

What is the smallest, morally questionable choice your character has made?

I had a hard time answering this one at all. The prompt that I ripped off google says “smallest” but I can’t think of anything THAT petty that Dibbe would have wasted her time doing. I can only think of the bigger stuff, like how Dibbe has certainly killed some people in cold blood. I imagine some Telvanni magister on his knees begging for his life and Dibbe just finished the job anyway. 

I’ve said in a previous answer she likes seeing kids falling down but I don’t see her being so petty as to put her foot in front of them herself.

Who does your character keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?

First thought is any fellows in her Thieves Guild, but it’s not malicious. She likes surrounding herself with skilled operatives to further feed into her lifestyle as a career thief.

What’s a secret your character hasn't told serious romantic partners and doesn't plan to tell?

Nothing at all. She has about three major secrets that she’s fine with informing her partners about. Just not right away, naturally.

How does your character respond to a handshake or otherwise seemingly required cultural gesture of greeting? What goes through their head?

Dibbe doesn’t mind doing it unless it’s absolutely so alien to be offensive, which isn’t really a thing that she knows of. From handshakes, salutes, bowing… Dibbe will learn them all. Even having the knowledge of how to do various curtsy might help when she adopts under-cover personas when she attends noble gatherings.

What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did your character pick up from someone / somewhere else?

Dibbe is effectively an immigrant to Skyrim and she’s perfectly proud of that. She doesn’t pretend to be a Nord outright (I have another palescale non-vamp who’s all-in with Nord culture vastly moreso than Dib is), but she has adopted their accent and learned their language to the point of even figuring out some Thu’um (just a couple, she’s had time). She’s pretty quick to defend against the “nord dumb book hard” stereotype. All of that ultimately stops there. She doesn’t attend Nord meetings or browse their mead halls, more or less keeps to herself in Skyrim while dealing with the criminal network that she hosts. She still has plenty of love for her adopted country.

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic could your character present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

I have actually considered doing criminal-related sermon RP for my guild. Dibbe could absolutely host a two hour speech about her life as a criminal and her philosophies around it. It would be titled “My life as a Master Thief” or something.

What does your character commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

Given Dibbe’s advanced age she’s mostly grown out of this. Early on she had a very specific image of Dunmer and their culture but the further away from Morrowind she moved, the more her assumptions were disproven (and sometimes maintained). She has been under the impression that pretty much every Dunmer falls into one of the several main Houses, when in reality they have houseless farmers and laborers like anyone else. Dibbe is generally pretty open to new information.

Recently in her guild, there was a bit of controversy regarding the smuggling job they performed. Illegal courier work and rooftop hopping was one of the first things she did as a fledgling criminal, long before she started working up the ranks. To her perception, you don’t dig into a client’s goods because that’s a quick way to get a bounty on your head from various crime lords. 

However, through some errant magic detection, the crew discovered that the crates they were smuggling had a lot more in them than just tax-evading ore. Half of the crew was incensed that nobody thought to crack the boxes open to look. Some people did smuggling work in the past and got arrested because they ended up “accidentally” smuggling Skooma or some other hot-ticket item. Eventually Dibbe relented, and recognized that her experiences are not universal. Live and learn. Dibbe’s typically smart enough to absorb other information while still holding onto her own opinions (that opinion being people need to relax more).

What’s something unimportant / frivolous that your character hates passionately?

(No answer yet, I need to put more thought into it)

Is your character a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

I imagine I might have a similar answer as everyone else. Both, depending on the flow of the conversation. Dibbe has plenty to say, but knows when she doesn’t, so she doesn’t.

What gets her to talk? Things she disagrees with. She’s been a thief for a long time so when she hears some kind of bullrush plan, or if lethal force gets tossed in the air as an idea, she’ll typically spin a whole yarn and shut that shit down. If there’s something she knows a fair bit about, she will make that fact known in one way or another.

What gets her to shut up? Anything regarding scholarly pursuits. Dibbe is plenty intelligent regarding several topics, but one thing that boggles her mind is how mages can wax poetically with theories of magic and aether. It’s basically the “reverse the polarity!” science meme, that’s basically what she hears when some mage-affluent people start talking to each other. It becomes jargon to her, and Dibbe is quick to shut up and let the mages hash it out.

What belief / moral / personality trait does your character stand by that you (the player) personally don’t agree with?

I mean, I’m not a criminal in real life. Dibbe sort of represents my wishful thinking of the age-old days with gentleman rogues and highwaymen in fantasy. In real life, criminals are thugs and brutes and probably really never have been “romantic” beyond the occasional, old-timey anecdote. So generally as the player, I disagree with her all-in attitude with treading thief life like a sport. But that’s who she is, and I enjoy playing her very much.

What’s a phrase your character says a lot, and why? Is there a deeper meaning behind their consistent use of it?

“Shadows hide you” or its variants “Shadows guide your steps” has a few meanings for her. It’s not just literally saying “don’t get caught” as some may thing but it’s also her subtle way of wishing Nocturnal’s influence to assist in your endeavors. This is basically like saying “god bless you” to an atheist but she doesn’t care. It’s not just a thief’s calling card, it’s an actual religious dog whistle.

Does your character act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?

Another prompt where the answer is “both kinda”. Dibbe is very emotional, and shows that when situations end up directly affecting her somehow. But if she’s on the outside of a situation able to look in without any problems, she can generally absorb information before making her thoughts on the situation known. During an op, though, foolish actions will cause her to snap a bit and act against the perceived aggressor. 

 Who would your character believe and trust without question?

Right now this really amounts to nobody. Even if her lover came to her with problems or scenarios, Dibbe will absolutely ask some questions, but it’s more out of getting all the details rather than a matter of distrust. If her lover kicked down her door and went “We need to get out of town NOW”, Dibbe would certainly walk and talk with her, but there would be many, many questions.

What’s something your character is expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate? In another way of looking at this question, what kinds of stereotypes do they actively attempt to defy based on their hobbies and profession?

Oh this is a good one for Dibbe.

She tries to uphold the “honor among thieves” class of work. This is an interesting question because Dibbe is semi-secretly not all that concerned with lethality, but in order to maintain the “gentleman thief” reputation that she may have as well as other coworkers, she has to constantly butt against the more lethal members of her crew.

She does not like alleyway cutthroats and dumb, basic thuggery. She much more prefers the higher class of organized crime. Art theft, breaking into nobles castles and stealing their busts. Things that get the attention of the rich, so they know that they are not as untouchable as they think.

Unfortunately a lot of crime is more on the desperate side, and opportunistic. Some people just have personality types where crime is just the path of least resistance towards wealth. It’s a very common and typically very correct perception of criminals, and one that annoys Dibbe to no end. It’s why she pushes back so hard when her crew are too quick to draw blades on jobs.

It’s also why she dresses well and bathes. She put forth some effort to learn an Armory Golem spell so she could quickly ‘correct’ any blood or mud related activities, so that when people look at her they don’t see some dirty thug. Generally to the outer world she just wants to look like some kind of ‘scout’, dressing in browns to blend in with trees rather than something gray to blend in with the stonework of cities. When she’s in underground-friendly places, she wants to be looked at as a representative for a higher class of thief. In a weird way, she wants to be trusted in a lifestyle where trust is in short supply.

How many hobbies has your character attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?

Dibbe is kind of like me in this. If she doesn’t have fun doing something, she won’t do it. In the spirit of that thought, I don’t think she has actively attempted much. In earlier prompts I’ve talked about how a lot of her hobbies are related to music, because she enjoys it. So she hasn’t really been given many opportunities to operate outside her comfort zone and I’m not really sure she’d enjoy basic walks in the park or kite-flying.

She might have tried some art, but again like me, probably only accomplishes abstract stuff. While very interesting and neat, it’s not something she really pushes forward with much.

[bondagebimbo]

“inaccurate hate” girl ur such a narcissist it’s SADDD

I never said we dmed either so calm ur tits

obviously i’m gonna be curious what overly angry crazy bitch shit ur saying to my asks. and telling u that ur lashing out at people (which i don’t need receipts for since ur blog quite literally is the receipts in and of itself) isn’t hate.

girl, you’re a certified fucking idiot. here’s your certification, in fact, I stamped it already so you can go hang it on your wall. 🔖

like. fucking Christ. y’all toss around the word ‘narcissist’ the way people used to throw around ‘being BPD’ without an official fucking diagnosis. if you knew anything about narcissism, you should be looking in the mirror.

and my tits are perfectly calm, you think I’m worked up over you ??? LMAOOOO honey, you’re the one who doesn’t follow me, but is sending me annoying ass hate asks, and then coming back to check my blog for my answers to your asks when you still don’t follow me 💀💀💀

like ….. how is that not an unhealthy behavioral pattern …. seriously …. because whether you admit it or not, seems you’re DEEP deep in denial right now obviously, you actually are obsessed and fucking weird by doing this shit

keeping tags on a bitch you don’t like instead of just blocking and moving on is literally textbook obsessive and delusional behavior and not in the ‘haha I’m unhinged and fucking around to have fun haha’ way but in the ‘go seek psychiatric fucking help for your unhealthy obsession with a bitch that doesn’t give a fuck and check yourself into a ward for a few weeks’ way because that just … you need help, for real 💀

y’all think I ‘lash out at everyone’ when I only ‘lash out’ at people that send me hate first lmfao. and the annoying ass hate messages drown out the nice messages that I am perfectly fine and pleasant/kind/civil towards.

but you dumbass motherfuckers deserve to have your asses handed to you for being so beyond fucking far gone to feel like you need to do shit like this, honestly.

if I don’t like someone, I don’t send them anon hate. I just fucking block them and move on LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD but no, you’re here sending me stupid asks and sitting here refreshing my blog waiting for my responses. could never be me, lmfao. even I’m not that mentally fucked.

go be jealous, insecure, obsessive, and annoying elsewhere. I’m so bored of you not knowing me at all but pretending you do 🥱

I’ll block whatever dumbass shit you send next so I can have a peaceful inbox again, you’re too mentally deficient to even converse with this way and I’m tired of you.

feel free to send something else so I can not read it and just block you so you feel like the rest of your asks are going through when they’re not because the lovely thing is, even when you block anons, it still says your nasty message was sent to me. but! it never gets delivered to my inbox! isn’t that fun! so you can think you’re still sending me hate and I won’t be receiving any of it!! LOVE that feature tbh because y’all think you’re just getting ignored but really you’re just being thrown into the void and lost forever 😌

see ya !!!! 🥰

[laurasbailey]

original anon here, i'm real grateful to you and everyone else for taking the time to respond and share your input!

i'm usually better at distancing myself from online spaces, i've just kinda "relapsed" lately and went on a self-destructive deep dive ☠️ like..."i've been checking reddit", kind of self-destructive. what a long break does to a mf, i guess

i do agree with what you've all said & I'm aware that it's basic common sense in fandom spaces and beyond - if i've been enjoying c3, there's no reason to let someone else's opinion bother me. i think one of the issues is…if there's stuff that i've been enjoying less on my own, and then i see negativity around that same stuff, my brain tends to take it as confirmation that it's true lmao and i find myself suspecting that i would enjoy a sandbox-y vibe a lot, but that's not happening with the characters and story that i've been invested in since the beginning. am i making up problems in my head? definetly, and i'm actually a bit ashamed to admit that, but hey

all that being said, i absolutely love those same things you've mentioned (the focus on the ladies, this romance, the high stakes and having ashley full-time) and more, even as i have less context for it being unusual since it's my first campaign! and i obviously agree that it's not anyone's game but theirs. i wouldn't wish for them to cater to anyone's desires but their own and i'm 100% sure that what i loved from the beginning is common in every campaign - the joy and fun we get watching them enjoy themselves

truly, the negative thoughts are more related to getting too bogged down thinking of the story itself, in a way, and wishing i could see these specific characters chill a bit and explore…so basically the ticking clock problem haha i generally worry they're never gonna get to talking or resolving interpersonal issues before the campaign's over and they're not the main party anymore

sorry for the lenght of this and for bringing it to you out of the blue haha i've been overthinking on loop and since literally no one i know watches the show and i don't want to be annoying to them, i'm annoying on the internet. again, thank you so so much!!

i think i get where you’re coming from and i think you’ll enjoy c1 and 2 if that’s the case! there’s definitely a lot more meandering, and c2 doesn’t even start tackling what i would consider “the main plot” until like 50+ eps in lmao. meanwhile c1 has the high stakes of c3 but the main plot starts early and stretches for a long time.

i think since i’ve experienced both of those campaigns already, c3’s shortcomings don’t worry or bother me enough to care too much. whether the plot “sucks” or it’s “too fast” is really not that deep to me bc i just love the show in whatever form they’re willing to give it to me. it’s still funny, emotional, well-acted, etc regardless, and that’s the reason i watch to begin with, which could be different for you! also i’ve made my peace with the fact that we probably won’t get a ton of character focus this campaign, and while that is disappointing, i think being realistic helped me be chill about it all.

for other people, it’s the opposite and they expect every campaign to be like the one they like and they throw a tantrum when it’s not. if people are content to do that, that’s on them! c3 might not be for you, or you could have more of an appreciation for it after watching the other campaigns. it seems like you’re going to keep talking yourself into not liking it, whether it’s true or not.

you could always try watching another campaign and take a break from c3 stuff? it might be helpful to engage in something else if you’re stuck in a spiral of searching for the negativity. and if you do end up hating c3, it’s not a big deal either. it’s the people who don’t shut the fuck up about hating it that are annoying as hell lmao

[bunji-enthusiast]

He catches you crying after you took a drive [headcanons]

Characters: Grave, Billy (very implied fem-reader), and Jyuji

We need more Gungrave fanfiction, cause *cracks my knuckles* I’ll just do it myself if I have to. Might be some self-indulgence lol

Grave

— gets really concerned and doesn’t exactly know what to do, you just get really good at hiding your tears and emotional sadness. From a lot of the group apparently.

— now he just knows cause he had happened to catch you off guard is all.

— Grave really does get worried about you, but his intelligence on the perceptive thinking of emotional intellect hadn’t exactly come back to him fully.

— He was so glad Mika offered some tips on how he could help, he genuinely was a little stuck sometimes. Albeit stunned too.

— when he had noticed you were sitting by yourself in the metal van, (or truck? Idk what it is.) he had simply turned to sit by you and engulf you in a very warm and large hug.

— obviously you were surprised and caught off guard by this sudden display of affection that Grave was showing for you, causing you to stop in your tracks of crying - but upon realizing what he was trying to do for you, you couldn’t help but appreciate his efforts.

— eventually you had fallen asleep upon his chest, he didn’t mind though, Grave may be an old deadman but even he still knew that people needed rest. Especially every kinds of rest.

Rocketbilly Redcadillac

— this ghost man knows. Billy is exceptionally perceptive and in tune to people’s needs and emotional states; ladies like you in particular.

— a very firm believer in treating all women with respect, regardless of which age you are, and it’s the job of a real man to supply that kindness.

— albeit, he was simply a ghost unfortunately. Billy couldn’t embrace you, hold you and tell you it was gonna be all okay - alright.

— Billy just hated himself for that, having to go about other methods of cheering you up within proper reasoning to be able to support you in your difficult situation.

— His go-to option was playing some music Billy had thought you were familiar with, as he was taking a shot in the dark; he was extremely glad, very much so once he saw that you began to perk up and the tears had stopped streaming down your beautiful face.

— “You alright there miss?” He would offer you a gentle smile, taking a deep pause in his playing to look you over. You couldn’t help but laugh, thinking of his actions to be cheesy.

— “Billy what the hell are you doing?”

— “Trying to cheer you up, one cheesy thing at a time.” He grinned, closing his eyes once he knew he heard your laugh. “Is it working?”

— You nodded, trying to stifle your giggles and laughs. “Yes, thank you Billy.” Letting yourself feel a new wave of calm, you smiled properly toward the very sincere ghost-man.

— a chilling wave swam through your cheek, causing a warm heat to bloom to your cheeks. You realized what he was doing, you knew he was trying to caress your face. You had stopped him, he let you.

— Billy still felt angry for himself not being able to properly soothe you like an actual man. But he managed to bring a smile to your face, even if it was through rather… cheesy means.

— “That’s good, I’d rather be damned to limbo if that meant I could see such a pretty smile on your face beyond words miss.”

Jyuji Kabane

— an extreme sense of smell, it wasn’t limited to things ordinarily such as organic smells; smoke, water and the occasional poison. He could quite literally smell the lethargy of sadness that had irradiated and wore down your body for quite some time now.

— He didn’t know how to take an approach to comforting you, as he is like Grave - emotionally constipated. Which would make for some difficulty in dealing with people who are more empathetic then he is.

— definitely hates it, not knowing how to do this for you. How to comfort you properly, like a ‘friend’ should. Though he isn’t completely sure if what he feels towards you are platonic feelings, like the dumbass he is, he suppresses them.

— Billy decided to nudge him with a helping hand and offer up some advice to the (very disgruntled) half-seed, half-deadman.

— Jyuji decided to opt for getting you your favorite snack and just offer a hug or two. Something of which was completely a little out of character for the hot-headed bundle of a man to do.

— “How’d you remember this? I only mentioned this to you two days ago!” Jyuji looked away when you had looked at him with very surprised eyes, you noticed the pink blush dusting his cheeks to the shells of his ears.

— Jyuji was never gonna admit it, but at least he managed to crack a smile on your face. To which he was thankful to be able to distract you from all the stress, however long he could for a while.

— He huffed, “Yeah, well we deadman also happen to have extremely good memory.”

[socialjusticefail]

Here the commentary from the anon who submitted this:

Me: Well finally, an honest and deep review that doesn’t go-

and its real-world harms are impossible to ignore.

Okay, hopefully this review won’t dwell on them too much.

WIRED It helped me say goodbye to the setting for good.

That’s the only good thing about it? 😒

TIRED The story is rooted in anti-Semitic tropes. The gameplay feels dated. The graphics feel like they’re a couple generations behind. All the characters are one-dimensional. It doesn’t stay true to the established lore. Every character feels like an off-brand version of the characters we know and love. There’s no sense of place. No magic, no heart. 

Emphasis mine. Okay, beyond that first sentence which just continues to spread a rumor, this person actually has some valid points that aren’t social justice related.

[At least every third paragraph basically whinging (there's really no other, nicer way to put it) about how transphobic JKR is]

*scrolls to the bottom of the page to where I hoped to see a comment section (there wasn’t)*

I probably won’t ever know your names. But you know who you are—I see you, and I appreciate you more than words can ever express. Thank you for making it easy for me to close the book on Hogwarts and Harry Potter. The magic is gone and won’t ever return, because without us, the Wizarding World is as heartless as its creator.

Wait, what? *scrolls up a bit*

Combined with who this game helps and who it harms, well, it's definitely not worth it unless your goal is to cause harm. This is a familiar problem though. It’s one we see in the latest Wizarding World films as well. The new movies are bad. Not just bad morally, but bad qualitatively. They’re not fun to watch. There’s spectacle, but it all feels flat and kind of confusing. If you look closely, you can see the steady decline in quality as the new movies go on, with IP owners trying to wring any remaining semblance of life from a franchise all but poisoned by its owner, despite attempts toright the ship. Some reviews chalk it up to Rowling having more direct control, and fewer people to tell her no or give her edits. The George Lucas problem. But Hogwarts Legacy makes me think this isn’t the case.

Okay, but that still doesn’t explain-

Standing Together There’s a direct correlation between how open Rowling becomes about her bigotry, and how flat and heartless Wizarding World media becomes. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I think it’s because LGBTQIA+ people and genuine allies are some of the best creative minds in the world, and these films and this game were made largely without them.  The game industry is far queerer than most people realize. All the things you know and love about your favorite games were made by queer people. I don’t just mean directors or executive producers. I mean the concept artists who bring your favorite games to life, the sound designers, the engineers, the technical artists, the composers, the musicians, the writers, the testers, the producers—the hands that make the best games in the world are queer. We’re the life, the heartbeat, and the magic of great games. In the yawning emptiness at the heart of Hogwarts Legacy I see the quiet solidarity of queer people and our allies in game development. The people who just said no when the job offers came their way. The ones who didn’t answer the emails from Portkey Games, the ones who politely let their coworkers know that working on a Harry Potter game would be harmful to the trans community, the ones who listened and said, “Okay, yeah, thanks for letting me know.” The people who put their morals, and their loved ones, above an easy paycheck.

🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦🏾🤦🏻🤦🏽🤦🏼🤦🏿🤦🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️🤦‍♀️ And that still isn’t enough facepalms! I effing hate when people resort to manipulative guilt.

I wasn’t really planning on buying the game, but not because it “supports transphobia”. Rather for the non-social justice reasons this person pointed out. To say the least, I’ve been in an awkward position regarding HP and the ‘verse (I guess Wizarding World is its proper name) since even before JKR made those comments. While I haven’t even bought “Beetlebard” or whatever that tie-in book that came out shortly after “Deathly Hollow” was called let alone supported the “Fantastic Beasts” films in any way, I am absolutely no rush to destroy my HP merchandise. Nor am I in a position to “say goodbye to the setting for good”- the canon may suck now and has since the last three books in the series proper, but that’s what fanfiction (on AO3 and elsewhere) is for. And I would still like to visit Universal Studios Florida someday- you know, where there are entire sections dedicated to the Wizarding World (unless Universal decides to pull a Splash Mountain, but so far there has been no announcement to that effect). Still, I could do without the lectures and, as mentioned earlier, manipulative guilt.

No, I’m not going to buy the game to spite this reviewer and everyone else decrying it. Again, there was already a lack of interest on my part and I would have just ignored the game’s existence were it not for the social justice crowd who feel the need to screech about how “transphobic” and “anti-Semitic” it is every hour on the hour.

PS: funny that you posted an article clarifying JKR’s stance from someone who totally bought into it at first’s POV. Here’s a backup link in case that one ever goes down: https://archive.is/oRpGC

[beyonceisstraight]

So I watched Wednesday and

1) ppl are loving her quirks and bluntness

2) ppl are rightfully pointing out autistic ppl are bullied for these same things

There’s an intersection here where neurotypical ppl enjoy both spectacle and being mean to ppl, which she does and is. And autistic ppl can be not nice to be around for others without that being their intention.

Let’s make one thing clear, Wednesday is a bit of an asshole but she has a strong sense of justice and it flows along what she personally believes vs what the world views as justice. The more I watched the more I thought god I wish I could behave the way she does sometimes bc my lens is similar but i don’t do this bc I’ve learned that you can’t just say anything to anyone. Its really only while on meds that I have a sorta functional filter. Bc without meds living is so taxing there’s no room for my brain through brain fog and spiraling to be filtered.

And the more I watched the more I realised, she’s not really a nice person but she’s also a 16 year old girl. Mortitia does say teenage girls can be mean and kinda, thats whats going on. She sees a man pouring a cup of drip coffee and says it loud enough that he can hear that ppl who drink drip hate themselves and have nothing going on in their lives. And he just stops and puts it down. That’s an awful way to be towards strangers and its also very 16 year old girl who thinks she’s better than others behaviour. If wednesday wasn’t an “outcast” but a blonde hottie type doing the exact same things ppl would actually genuinely hate her.

Here I want to present you with the sansa stark argument, because as I live and die i will defend sansa stark. My sansa stark argument is that when a teenage girl is written as what’s perceived as normal but with the addition of some social power by being pretty according to the beauty standard, people will hate her. They will hate her even if she’s 13 and being manipulated by adults well over 30 and accuse a 13 year old girl of having been able to stop a king from killing her father if she’d simply resisted the grown woman she looks up to manipulating her.

Children are ours to protect. End of.

But no one is hated more than the teenage girl, be she pretty, fat, short, tall, smart, dumb, promiscuous, prude etc. What is a teenage girl to the world but someone to hate who is also a porn category.

Wednesday is “emotionless”, cold, “logical” and ppl like that. The less of a human a woman is and the more that she embodies what patriarchy rewards the more ppl like her. Her assessment of Weems is deeply incorrect. Weems is doing her job. Weems covers the death of a student bc if she hadn’t all hell would reign down on Nevermore. She chose an evil. Weems also sees Wednesday for what she is. Impulsive, impatient, uncooperative if you’re not doing what she wants. I’m an adult well past 16 and if I came across a girl like Wednesday, and I have, I would simply not take her seriously in the least. Because it would just be me interacting with a teenage girl who will spit my flaws at me like I don’t know that already. Do you know what kind of behaviour that is? its disrespect. its rude. its just unpleasant to be around. I’m not this kid’s parent I’m just going to ignore her and go about my day.

Wednesday actually is extremely normal. Like I said I’ve met teenage girls like her. A lot of children behave exactly like she does. But the thing is children are emotional and more transparent. And children aren’t respected. In the real world there’s nothing exceptional about this girl beyond how she doesn’t flinch at darkness like killing or maiming anyone. In the real world that would land her in juvie. In the real world a girl like Wednesday would be actually scary and I don’t imagine you’d want to be around her. But also in real life I would feel deep concern about this girl. I’d want to know she was ok.

But ppl can’t see this character like a person because Teenage Girls are spectacles, hated unless redeemed through a patriarchal lens. Ppl love to hate a flawed teen girl character, like Korra. However we’re presented with Wednesday as though she’s ineffable.

The proof of a patriarchal lens is that even though Wednesday experiences her deepest development with WOMEN her love interest is a boy. She depends the most on WOMEN but the end of story love interest is a tim burton self insert (different argument) who has done fuck all besides get framed and run when Wednesday tells him to because the WOMEN handle the bad guy. This is the love interest and not the roomate who respect her boundaries and FIGHTS TO THE DEATH TO DEFEND HER. This girl is naked, bloody, only a coat on her shoulder but her only concern is Wednesday. She hugs Wednesday and is hugged in return. Bitch I cried. They have such a meaningful relationship. Bianca does more and shows up more as a better person than either boy who shows interest in Wednesday.

We were robbed of goth lesbian and rainbow lesbian. I liked the show, and the character and I love exploring the theme of teen girls in media bc well, someone has to show love to and defend these girls.

[annikuh]

I’ve been having a total whale of a time doing all of this backstory work with the twins, especially in figuring out Panathir. I already have so much for him in the present day, but it’s been so fucking exciting getting to track how he got there and why he’s like that, and the really deep paranoia that he eventually ends up with.

(long post below the cut going thru all of this bc i need to write it down somewhere)

like obviously his whole tough-guy thing covers up his insane insecurities that he hates to acknowledge, and it’s absolutely a consistent part of him from his creation. in the past he knows everyone hates him and thrives on it, like he LOVES being feared and purposefully seeks it out. he loves being an enemy of the people, but he starts getting kind of…paranoid. like after the mainlanders start paying less attention to the twins and giving him less reason to assert his dominance (bc they’re giving him no reason to; they’re being perfectly respectful), he starts convincing himself harder that the mainlanders hate him and are out to get him, and he gets this insane chip on his shoulder so he can feel important, but it kind of ends up freaking him the fuck out. he’s in Jax’s ear like doubling down and convincing them of the same, and hyper analyzing everyone else for any minuscule sign of disrespect and blows it way out of proportion and pulls away from any interaction that’s neutral or somewhat positive even.

and he carries this victim (?) complex all the way back to the dead isle with the other nepherits there and is still constantly in Jax’s ear too. like he becomes a paranoid freak and makes Jax super paranoid too

However, once Jax ditches him and goes back to the mainland, they actually allow themself to talk to people bc they’re someone who craves it. they still carry this fear that Panathir put in them, but they start to grow from it

OBVIOUSLY people are still highly against nepherits and both of the twins are still subject to discrimination and scrutiny and should be careful, but Panathir takes it very far.

When he’s back on the mainland, he’s a fucking freeeeeaaaaaak, like he carries himself like he’s an intimidating force (which he is) but inside he’s totally petrified, like agoraphobic levels of afraid and distrustful. the dude completely isolates himself beyond reason as much as possible bc he has it in his head that people are out for him and hate him, but in reality they don’t fucking care about him and his ego can’t take it.

he can’t work with other people, he can barely have an interaction at a store. he makes money through his art (and makes a fucking killing selling to like nobility and shit bc all he does is draw basically) but he has an art dealer that does everything for him. he could be fucking hugely successful and famous, but he just has this idea in his head that nobody would ever want art from a nepherit and he doesn’t want to be known (he signs his art for himself, but doesn’t give his real name to the dealer). but he also probably doesn’t want to face people who may have something negative to say about him or his art, and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from flipping out on them. And like, I think he learns to sew too so he can just make his own clothes and eliminate another person to interact with.

like the fucking guy gets so bad he lives in the fucking sewers at one point like that’s insane.

he eventually does talk to people to survive the bare minimum in society by really leaning into buffing up his own ego like “these people are just pretending I don’t matter bc they’re intimidated by me, and I’m better than everyone in this whole world” but he has no friends or anything bc he can’t trust anyone and nobody could ever understand him like Jax can.

and all of this makes him feel so fucking pathetic, and it drives him insane. And it ties us to his obsession with finding Jax bc they can make him feel powerful and important again. he can exert his will on them and push them around and they’ll bend to him, and they’ll actually love him (he sucks but he’s still a person yknow? he’s agonizingly lonely). but he feels like a fuckin loser for needing Jax so much too.

when he finds them, he’s such a bumbling maniac that he straight up fumbles it the first time bc he’s like screaming at them and trying to guilt them but they’re like “literally who are you, dickhead”. and the second time he totally debases himself, begging for them to come back to him bc he’s at the end of his rope. I truly believe that if Jax didn’t take him back the final time he tried, he would’ve killed himself.

when they do, though, he lets himself be so pathetic and dependent on them bc he can finally rest for a moment. he does some silly mental gymnastics to make himself feel better about being like that, but truly he just feels safe. Jax’s friends are like “fuck this guy” and one is really trying to square up with Panathir, but Jax being there and actively defending him steels him against that bullshit. he doesn’t have to lash out—Jax makes him feel like fuckin god and will fight his battles for him, despite them still having no idea who he is. But that kind of makes it better; he’s that fucking good and influential that Jax is still going against their friends for him.

Christ what a ramble, but I truly feel so good abt myself for mapping this out and I think it’s really cool. I fucking love Panathir so much, he’s terrible but he just breaks my fuckin heart man. & I’m also just really so proud of him from a character creation standpoint.

please clap bc nobody else in my immediate vicinity really cares that much and won’t give me any of the validation and praise I need irl LOL listen to my pathetic ass please gimme a breakkkk

[hellmouth-manor]

how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes || cedric || 1.5 || re: everyone

Touji’s words find their mark. It is too late. He is a fucking Idiot. Of course he’s a fuck up, even in hell. But what cuts the deepest is the one thing Cedric had confided in Touji in confidence. Something that he’d trusted him with, if only barely given how difficult it was for him to do at all. It was trust that was turned right back around against him and wielded as a weapon. He deserves it, of course. How could he claim otherwise when he’d been the first to strike? That doesn’t make it hurt any less.

He flinches as Touji’s fist crashes against stone, fully ducking against the podium to bury his head in his arms. Is it cowardly? Sure. But what was the sense in pretending he was anything else at this point? What was the point in trying to save face?

Alou’s words are hard to swallow in an entirely different sort of way. 

You could have gotten away with it, too. 

Some awful, selfish part of him deep inside recoils from the phrase, feeling the possibility dangled just out of reach. How cruel, to remind him. How fair, he thinks.

It’s a carrot tugged away at the last minute, leaving only the stick to hit over, and over, and over, with each strike seeming to say, Remember the carrot? You could have had it. You could have. If only you were kinder. Smarter. Crueler. What a pity. What a waste.

Cassie’s apology breaks his heart. He’s glad now that he’s hidden his face. He hates crying in front of people, though the uneven trembling of his shoulders probably gives it away regardless.

It hurts. It hurts that even now, she can’t find it in herself to be mean to him. It hurts knowing that people like that really do exist. And it hurts that he’s managed to wrong one so grievously, but she’ll still apologize for his personal failings. Maybe it’s reassuring in a way, that Cassie is still Cassie. That he hasn’t completely ruined everything he touches.

But he doesn’t have time to dwell on it when Hibiki starts laying into him. He doesn’t look up, but he can practically feel the glare boring into his skull. What does apologizing do for him, anyway? It won’t fix anything. It won’t make him feel better. He’s well beyond that.

But what was the alternative? To be cold, and uncaring? To live up to whatever sort of villain Hibiki clearly so desperately wanted to be able to lash out at? He couldn’t fill those shoes. He couldn’t give him that.

Cedric knows that real life doesn’t have perfect, evil, irredeemable villains who will monologue and twirl their mustaches as they tie someone to railroad tracks, no matter how badly you might wish it. It has people. And it’s uncomfortable to remember that you share that, even with them. To see how similar you might be to the thing you hate.

And then Hisashi speaks up, asking something that hadn’t even remotely crossed Cedric’s mind. What next? What happens next? 

The cold horror of Fumiko’s answer brings his tears, his mind, his breath to a screeching halt, body too frozen in terror to continue.

He was going to die.

It only made sense, didn’t it? Poppy was right. An eye for an eye. A debt repaid. And Alou was waiting at the front desk like the world’s worst concierge, offering him a choice he didn’t ask for. Cedric finally lifts his head, eyes red and raw as he stares back at the man, disbelief written clearly across his tear-stained face.

“Which… which way would I prefer?” 

His voice croaks, throat sore and mouth gone dry. 

“What the fuck kind of—why the fuck would it matter what I prefer anymore? If I choose, that means everyone else would have to choose after, right? Whether they give a shit or not about what I prefer?” 

Slowly, he shakes his head. No. That isn’t a game he’s willing to play. If given a choice between the two, he chooses option C. He chooses nothing at all.

“I’m not putting that on them. I’m not going to make them feel guilty for doing whatever they think they need to. Whatever they pick—that’s what I want. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

His eyes drift to Kamiya—well-meaning, optimistic, good Kamiya—and Cedric can’t keep the pained look from his face. How did he end up here, of all people? He gives him a smile like a shattered window, something broken and empty all at once.

“It’s okay, man. If they want to yell, they can yell. I won’t remember either way, right?”

Selfishly, he hopes he won't.

[jdgo51]

Why Isn't God Answering My Prayer?

Today's inspiration comes from:

Seeing Beautiful Again

by Lysa TerKeurst

"We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." — Romans 8:28 ESV

"'In 2015, the New York Times ran an article called “Googling for God.”1 In this article, author Seth Stephens-Davidowitz started by saying, “It has been a bad decade for God, at least so far.” He went on to ask, “What questions do people have when they are questioning God?” The number one question was “Who created God?” The number two question was “Why does God allow suffering?” But it was the third question that slammed into my heart and made me realize the depth at which many of us struggle when we walk through devastating situations: “Why does God hate me?”

I’m not alone in wondering about God’s feelings when circumstances beg me to feel betrayed. While I would have never used the word hate, seeing it typed out as one of the most commonly asked questions about God shows me just how dark our perspective can get. The most devastating spiritual crisis isn’t when we wonder why God isn’t doing something. It’s when we become utterly convinced He no longer cares. And that’s what I hear hiding behind that Google search.

And I shudder to say this, but I think that’s what was hiding behind my own disillusionment as well.

What makes faith fall apart isn’t doubt. It’s becoming too certain of the wrong things. Things like: Forgiveness doesn’t matter. It’s not worth it. It’s not time for that kind of obedience. God isn’t moving. What I see is absolute proof that God isn’t working.

That’s where I can find myself getting more and more skeptical of God’s love, God’s provision, God’s protection, God’s instructions, and God’s faithfulness. And most of all, where I start fearing He really has no plan at all, and I’m just truly going to be a victim of circumstances beyond anyone’s control.

The problem with that thinking is, while it may line up with what my life looks like from my place of pain and confusion, it doesn’t line up with truth. And before everything went haywire in my life, I had already put a stake in the ground, proclaiming that God’s Word is where I would turn and return to no matter what.

I could resist trusting God and turning to His truth. I could run from it. I could, with bitter resignation, put my Bible on a shelf to collect dust for years. But I wouldn’t be able to escape what was already buried deep in my heart.

I knew in this deep-down knowing place that what I was seeing wasn’t all that was happening. Past experiences where I have seen God’s faithfulness remind me that I don’t always see God working in the midst of my hard times.

God is active even if we can’t see His activity.

There are a few times in my life where I’ve seen dramatic moves by God happen quick enough for me to say, “Wow, look what God is doing!” But most of the time, it’s thousands of little shifts so slight that the dailiness of His work doesn’t register in real time.

It’s hard when we are living in that space where our head knows God can do anything but our heart is heavy because He’s not doing what we are hoping for, what we’ve prayed for, what we’ve believed for, for a long while. I get it — and I’ve cried many tears because of it.

So what helps? It helps to know these things:

God is active even if we can’t see His activity. Just because we can’t discern or detect what He’s doing, doesn’t mean He isn’t working. We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)

What may feel like a lack of intervention is not a sign of His lack of affection. This I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:21-23)

God loves us too much to answer our prayers at any other time than the right time, and in any other way than the right way. We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 ESV)

Today look for beautiful ways God is showing you assurances of His love. His deep affection is all around you, friend. Even in the waiting places.

God, I confess it’s easy for me to become skeptical when things are not working out the way I had planned. Even when I don’t see it… even when I don’t feel it… I will stand on the truth that You are working all things together for good. In Jesus’ name, amen."'

Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, “Googling for God,” New York Times, 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/20/opinion/sunday/seth -stephens-davidowitz-googling-for-god.html.

Excerpted with permission from Seeing Beautiful Again by Lysa TerKeurst, copyright Lysa TerKeurst.

[iwadori]

Haikyu boys when they make you insecure PT 1 (Kenma,Kuroo)

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6.

Word Count:3k 

genre: angst, fluff

masterlist

Kenma:

You and Kenma have been in a long distance relationship for a while.

Both of you stream, Kenma doing it seriously for his job and you just playing it for fun,

Sometimes you stream together of course but because of your difference in audiences and games you don’t do it all the time

“Bye guys! Hope you enjoyed todays stream” You wave off to the camera and shut off your PC taking a few sips of water.

Kenma: Hey.. nice stream today Y/N are you going to watch mine?

Y/N: Of course I will 

Kenma: Ok talk to you later

Y/N: okayy <3

Kenma is what inspired you to stream, he also taught you all the ins and outs of streaming making sure you were set and ready. Your gaming style was very relaxed and friendly as you obviously weren’t streaming as a career just for fun and to make friends with your online viewers. The games you played were usually: minecraft, COD, Sims 4, Roblox, Animal crossing and *Insert your favourite game here* the way I literally named all the games I play 

You wait for Kenmas stream to start, kind of excited as you’ve always loved seeing your boyfriend in his ‘element’ when it comes to playing to games. As your boyfriends stream starts you see he’s already chosen what game he is playing today which is to your surprise Call of duty, since that was the game you were playing earlier.

As he gets into the stream you are entertained, as always since Kenma was being his usual self laughing at his own deadpan jokes and interacting with his viewers. He is currently waiting for his capture the flag game to start so as he waits he decides to read some comments in the chat.

You’re used to the usual ‘Kenma where is Y/N I miss your usual streams together’ or ‘kenma please RAIL me’ which always makes you laugh. You were also used to the common hate comments Kenma and You both got on your streams but you were definitely not ready for this..

@ Ihatewomanandiamadick : Hey Kenma did you see your girls stream today she is so dog shit at COD lmaoooo jhdfkjdrhdrr

“Well hello ihatewomenandiamadick” started Kenma “but yes I did see Y/N stream and obviously she is not the best at games and I would definitely NOT ask her to team with me for any serious gaming competitions ... but she’s fun to watch I guess” as he finished speaking about you his game loaded up so he focused his attention on that the words he just spoke going to the back of his mind as they end up at the forefront of yours.

You obviously knew you were no match for Kenma’s gaming expertise but you didn’t expect him to publicly agree with a hate comment let alone add more of his imput on you. Did he really think that about you? ‘She’s fun to watch I guess’ did he not even enjoy your streams that much?

You wanted to distract yourself, and you definitely couldn’t do that watching him so you close off of his stream and get in your bed deciding to watch your favourite show. 

Waking up at 6pm after your sad nap, you see that Kenma has left some messages to you,

Kenma: hey did you watch my stream?

Kenma: do you want to facetime later and play some minecraft..?

Kenma: y/n r u ok??

Y/N: oh hey cnt play minecraft w you rn not really in the mood..

Kenma: oh ok..

Time passed since then a month to be exact and you basically dropped off of the face of the earth, you weren’t in the mood to do anything let alone game and stream, which was a constant reminder of your boyfriend (something you didn’t want at the time.) 

You felt embarrassed over all the things he said about you and all the things you now think he thinks about you and the way you play. Maybe he thinks even worse things about you, beyond just how you game? What if he doesn’t even genuinely like you...or he has someone else...it does make sense, you do both live miles and miles away from eachother AND he’s a big streamer you see the amount of girls in his comments.

You shake your head to erase your protruding thoughts coming in your mind, but it doesn’t really help. You and Kenma haven’t spoken much over this month he tried to constantly reach out to you at first but you assume he got bored over your constant, repetitive dry texts. So you were almost content with you and Kenma not even being in a relationship anymore.

However on Kenma’s side, he was beyond worried about you. Since you haven’t been streaming or barely responded to his texts he thought something happened to you, but he didn’t want to be seen as ‘overstepping boundaries’ if there was nothing wrong at all with you and you simply were just ‘not in the mood.’ 

So here he is, in Kuroo’s apartment trying to get him to help him out on finding out what is wrong with you.

“So kenma can you remember what happened the day when Y/N went ‘ghost’“ asked Kuroo in a mock detective voice

“Y/N didn’t go ‘ghost’ Kuro, and take this seriously” said Kenma “I’m worried bout her”

“Okay fine, but for real what’s the last thing you remember before she started acting all weird.” 

“Umm I think it was around a month ago I did my saturday stream and I think she was on it but she didn’t leave her usual nice comments throughout”

“Ohh that was the stream when you sai-” Kuroo said before pausing his words as the memory of what Kenma said about you on his stream came in his mind, as even Kuroo thought it was a tad bit harsh for Kenma to say all those things “I think I know why Y/N has been so distant kiddo”

“What why?” Asked Kenma

Kuroo pulls out his phone and brings up the clip off what Kenma said and Kenma’s face cringes ‘did he really say all those things about you’ he thinks. 

“Shit.. I didn’t know I said all of that” he said quietly “how do I make it up to her?”

“There’s only one thing you can really do Kenma” said kuroo

You are woken up out of your sleep by a knock on the door. Getting out your bed like a zombie, you trudge to your front door only surprised by what you see. There in his 5′6 glory stood your ‘boyfriend’ Kenma with a controller and a kitten teddy in his hand. You were very tempted to shut the door in his face and get back to your dreamless sleep but you waited on him to speak.

“Hi Y/N” he said quietly “wanna play some minecraft...?”

“Why so you can ridicule me on how shit I am?” You ask bitterly ready to shut the door on him

“No! No not all” he said stopping you from shutting the door entering your place “Y/N i’m really sorry on what I said, I wasn’t thinking AT ALL... I love watching your streams and I think you’re great at playing games...I was just being a dick,”

You take a deep breath before tears pool in your eyes “what you said really hurt me kenma..” you say “ I know people say shitty things on the internet all the time... it’s the internet. But I wasn’t expecting you to agree with the hater and say even more shitty things on top of that.. I don’t think I want to even stream anymore”

Upon hearing that, Kenma’s mouth parts open with shock ‘you dont want to stream anymore’ were his comments that bad? Now he feel even worse as he should and is now more determined to make things right. 

He impulsively drags your arm into your game room, catching your surprise ‘what is he up too?’ you think. He stops for a second seeing your usual pristine gaming set up, collected up with dust. 

“What are you do-” you start 

“Just wait!” He says, as he rushes away turning on all your stuff and logging onto his twitch account as he sees the views go up he starts to speak

 “Hi guys, its me kodzuken and today I’m here on stream with my beautiful girlfriend and today I want to say..” he turns to you “Y/N im so sorry for the horrible things I said to you that day... I was just being a dick and I’m sorry I really am.”

You look at the chat and you see some confusion and some people recalling his words from last month. “It’s fine Kenma, I forgive you” you say giving him a hug”

“Okay Y/N, so what do you say... wanna beat my ass at bed wars?” He says with a smirk 

“When have I ever loss?” you return his smirk

Of course you did beat his ass as bed wars for rounds on rounds never losing proving yourself to actually be a good gamer girl. You enjoyed your time with Kenma, forgetting what he said before about you and moving on. 

Eventually, you guys moved in together and streamed together all the time and yes you still do play for fun but you’ve gotten way better at COD (some may say better then Kenma) but who is better didn’t matter to any of you, as long as you got to play together that’s all you both cared about.

Kuroo:

Kuroo and you have been together since you were in your first year of high school 

You met as friends first when you got him to tutor you in chemistry ( a subject you still aren’t that good at.)

Now you have your upcoming entrance exams for university in a month so your school has you doing mock exams in preparation for them.

20%

You look down at your chemistry paper that your teacher just handed you. 20%. You’re surprised, very surprised since out of all your subjects (that you go 90+% on) you studied on the chemistry test the hardest ensuring Testurou, that you didn’t need his help at all. But I guess it turns out, you did.

This failing mock grade put a blunder on your day, you didn’t interact with anyone and didn’t want to see your boyfriend so you skipped your usual routine of meeting him on the rooftop and went to the library instead ‘might aswell start early on your studying’ you thought.

As you were going over your chemistry topics, you hear an ‘ahem’ next to you and you turn your head only to find your boyfriend and his friends next to you. Kuroo with his usual goofy smile on his face. 

“Hey kitten where were you at lunch?” he asked 

“Needed to go to the library, Chemistry is kicking my ass” you mumbled 

“Oya” he said as he noticed your chemistry test laying under your textbook “20%, well damn Y/N I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were that stupid” he laughed doing his stupid usual hyena-like laugh.

Ouch well that hurt. You slightly flinched at his words, “Really your name, you didn’t know the molecular formula for ethanol, that’s first year work” he said continuing to laugh “I’m pretty sure that’s one of the first things I tutored you on when we first met” 

His overbearing laughter was not good for you, you were already having a bad day and yes you do know your not that good at chemistry but you didn’t need your chemistry-enthusiast boyfriend to make fun of you for failing. Kenma and Yaku stood there awkwardly obviously aware of how bad Kuroo is making you feel but they didn’t really know how to stop his friend in the moment.Whilst he’s still dying of laughter you decide to pack up your stuff and leave the library.

You managed to get your Chemistry tutor to let you retake your mock paper in a week so that means, extra hard studying with no distractions you definitely can’t fail again. Since studying on your own was definitely not a good option, and you couldn’t go to Kuroo (especially after he ridiculed you) you decided to ask the second smartest person you know to tutor you.

Y/N: Hey Yaku! Can I ask you a favour?

Yaku: Hi Y/N what do you need??

Y/N: I have my chemistry retake next week, and as you know from your loud-loud friend I failed my recent test so can you tutor me?? 

Y/N: Pleaseeee

Yaku: Ok Y/N why can’t you ask Kuroo you know that he’d be more than happy to help

Y/N: Yakuu pleasee just help me out 

So there you was, nearly a week done with your study sessions with Yaku and you’re feeling way more confident than before. 

“Y/N what is the functional group of a Carboxylic Acid” Yaku asked

“umm... COO?” 

“Great! that’s correct Y/N” he praises i dont actually know if it’s correct or not

You then hear a knock at Yaku’s front door and hear his mum let the person in, Kuroo then enters Yaku’s bedroom with shock plastered on his face surprised to see you here.

“Y/N...hey?” he says confused “what are you doing here?”

“Oh Mori-chan is just helping me with chemistry for my retake tommorow” you say nochalantly internally smiling at the twinge in Kuroo’s face at the purposeful use of Yaku’s first name.

“So why didn’t you ask me to help you know I’m a chemistry whiz” he asks

“Maybe I’m too stupid to be taught under your tutelage” you mumble “since I seem to forget whatever you teach me, even when it’s 3 years ago... but ok”

“Y/N I-” he starts 

“Oh save it Kuroo, I have studying to do” you say cutting him off

“But I-” he tries

“So Mori-chan COOH is the function group of ethyl ethonate right?” you ask ignoring your boyfriend who is now at a lost for words

“ummm yeah it is” says yaku who is clearly feeling heavily awkward at the tension in his bedroom.

Kuroo leaves and you and yaku finish off the studying for the night, you did feel a little bad for being a bit mean to Kuroo but it’s karma for him being a dick to you. 

You wake up the next day ready for your exam which was first thing in the morning, before you hand in your phone you see a message from Kuroo,

Kuroo: I know you’re still mad at me, but I think you’re going to do so well on this test. You’re not stupid at all, you’re really smart and I love you < 3 

Kuroo: Good luck Y/N

You don’t respond to the message but smile at the sincerity of it and thankful for the boost of confidence it gave you before you start your exam.

Finishing the exam with a smile, you were confident you did well as everything you and Yaku went over was on the paper and you’re almost certain you atleast got more than 75%. You have to wait an hour before your teacher can give you your results, so in the meantime you might aswell reconcile with Kuroo.

When you exit the classroom, standing there was Kuroo who seemed to have been waiting for you for the whole duration of the exam.

“So how was it?” Kuroo asked, apprenhensive as he assumed you would just ignore him like you did at Yaku’s house.

“It was fine, I think it went alright..” you say

“Kuroo”

“Y/N”

You say simultaneously, he pauses for a second to let you speak “I’m sorry I was being so stand offish when we were at Yaku’s I just wanted you to see I could do it on my own, and when you called me stupid I really took that to heart since you and I both know that Chemistry wasn’t ever my best subject” 

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and since it was only a practice test I didn’t think you’d take it to heart but I am sorry I know you aren’t stupid.”

Before you got to say anything else, your Chemistry teacher exited the room with your chemistry paper in hand. Kuroo grabbed your hand anticipating your nerves and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Miss L/N” said your teacher “Well done on your chemistry test” he turned your test around to sure a perfect 100%. Both you and Kuroo gasped, you were elated to say the least you wanted to jump up and down in excitement but a PERFECT 100%.

“I’d also like to add that you have now got the top chemistry score in the school beating the previous title holder Kuroo Testurou” said your teacher, this made Kuroo open his mouth even wider in surprise nearly making you giggle at his response. 

Your teacher took his leave, leaving you and Kuroo in the hallway “ I guess i’m the chemistry whizz now “ you say wiggling your eyebrows just as Kuroo did to you before at Yaku’s this made him chuckle as he came to put his arm around you.

“Y/N don’t get ahead of yourself now, you may have won this battle but I will win the war” he said smiling

In the final exam, you continue your winning streak also getting a near 100% and still beating Kuroo which didn’t matter to either of you, now you’re just like him cracking chemistry puns and jokes all the time which none of your friends appreciated but atleast Kuroo found them SODIUM funny.

AN: Please kill me for the last line of Kuroos, I didn’t really like Kuroo’s since it was a bit self indulgent with my hate for chemistry but what do you guys think?

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

hello amazing talented writer!!!! i believe ur requests are open right now (if they aren't pls ignore this) !! i was wondering if you could do head cannons for the obey me brothers with an mc who really wanted to show them how much they loved them, so they give them the biggest bear hug possible and keep telling them how much they appreciate them? idk if there is a character limit, so of you want to include the dateables that would be marvelous! thank you for having such an amazing blog and working so hard 💖😌

Brothers with a Lovebug GN!MC (Headcanons)

A/N : This was so cute! So cute! I loved writing it! All the brothers deserve love and appreciation. Thank you so much for requesting it and thank you thank you thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them and I appreciate you <3

Lucifer

He wasn’t completely touch starved, well.. Not anymore since he met you, but hugs still kind of threw him off sometimes. He just wasn’t used to it, no matter how many times you hugged him, although he did love the feelings.

When you came up to him and hugged him this time, it was different than most of the other hugs, it was tight and warm, and it was almost as if he could feel all of your love for him pouring out in this one single hug and… well… he loved it. He loved the feeling of it. It made him feel warm, it was… strange but endearing. But then you started telling him how much you appreciate him, and while he already was aware that you did (that’s just him being prideful though), he loved hearing it from your lips. It was enough to actually make him smile, and he was so wrapped up in the warmth that your words and his touch made him feel that he almost forgot to hug you back… almost.

His arms snaked around you, holding you closer against him. He didn’t want to lose the warm feeling that you gave him, he didn’t want to let you go.

“Thank you, dear. Please, don’t hesitate to… do this more often.”

Mammon

If there was anyone who deserved this, it was him. He’s so under appreciated in the house, he’s always getting picked on, the guy can never seem to catch a break. The only time he actually feels like he’s noticed for the good things that he does is when he’s with you, hence why he’s always following you around and trying to be as close to you as possible. He just really needs it.

The bear hug was, needless to say, very unexpected for him. Sure, he’s used to being hugged by you, and yes, he loves being hugged by you… But this hug was amazing to him. It was tight, and it wasn’t just any regular hug, it was like you were holding onto him, and this may have just become his preferred method of hugs. These kinds of hugs are by far the best hugs to get. He almost couldn’t focus on what you were saying until he realized that you were telling him that you appreciate him… and… wow. That was the only thing he could think when he heard you, and it didn’t seem like you were anywhere close to being done.

He held you tighter, resting his head on top of yours, and yes, he did start crying although he’s going to deny that he is… just don’t bring it up.

“That’s really sweet of ya, babe… And I ain’t cryin’... yer hair jus’ got in my eye… tell me more?”

Leviathan

He is very touch starved, and although people around the house appreciate him, he’s always down on himself anyway. He’s always down on himself, and even when you are there to tell him why you love him, his thoughts are just very pessimistic. He needs this just as much as Mammon does.

The sound he made when you first wrapped your arms around him was a mix between a scream and a squeal. He definitely wasn’t expecting it, but he wasn’t against it either. He didn’t know that he needed it until it was already happening, but he really appreciates the hug. When you started telling him that you appreciate him and how much you appreciate him, his face turned the brightest shade of red. It was strange to him because he didn’t really know that he did that much for you to even appreciate, but he really liked hearing you say it. At least he knows that he’s doing something right and that he’s making you happy.

He’s so happy, it’s off the charts, and he doesn’t want the hug to end, ever. It’s the best feeling in the world to be appreciated.

“I-I’m… Thank you… Y-You’re the best… Really… I-I appreciate you too…”

Satan

Being loved and appreciated never seemed important to him before. These were things he could live without, he was thriving off of being hateful and unappreciative towards Lucifer. Deep down though, even if he didn’t ever want to admit it, acknowledge it, or even know about it… He needed these things.

He heard you coming. Let’s be fair, this man memorized the sounds of footsteps of everyone in the house so he can act accordingly based on whoever was even coming close to his room. He was ready for you to come in, the smile already on his face, his book already set down to welcome you with open arms. What he wasn’t ready for was the bear hug that you rushed in to give him. He was not ready at all, but damn if he didn’t love it. He loved hearing your words of appreciation too, and he was going to memorize every single thing that you said, just so he could think about it later.

He really did need this, as someone who mainly only ever feels wrath, hatred, annoyance… You’re the only thing that really brings him pure happiness.

“You’re making me soft, kitten… Not that I mind it. I’ve got all the time in the world to keep doing this.”

Asmodeus

The complete opposite of Satan, love and appreciation are so very important to him. But, he receives these things all the time from strangers, and sometimes, well, most times, it never feels genuine. These things have lost almost all of their meanings to him, it almost seemed pointless because of how repetitive it’s become.

There was something different receiving love and appreciation from you though. It was real, there was emotion behind it, something that could never be picked up or trusted over the internet through random comments. Of course he loved the hug, the tighter, the closer the better. He wasn’t actually… used to getting hugs like that. It felt special to him, and when the words of appreciation came, he felt special. Being loved by the entire Devildom will never feel as good as being loved by you. You made him feel like more than just his avatar, and that means so much more to him than looks or likes.

Yes he cried, and no he didn’t try to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of his emotions, and he wanted you to know that what you said made him feel good enough that he actually cried.

“Oh… You’re… I’m gonna mess up my face but… It’s okay. You’re so sweet, I could just kiss you, darling.”

Beelzebub

He knows what love is, because he loves you and he loves all of his brothers. He knows what appreciation is because he appreciates you, and appreciates everything that his brothers do for him. He’s pretty sure that his brothers love and appreciate him back, and he knows without a doubt that you love and appreciate him… especially after the hug.

The hug, which was nice, and really cute to him. He was always the one giving you the bear hugs, so to be on the receiving end felt really nice. It’s not something that he’s used to, but his eyes, his entire face even, it lit up. Being told that he’s appreciated though, it’s way different from just feeling appreciated. Those words meant so much to him, he probably won’t be able to stop smiling about it for weeks. He’ll probably tell all of his brothers about it too, well, not even probably, he’s definitely going to tell all of his brothers about it. This is a really big thing to him.

He’s just so happy, beyond happy, ecstatic even. He loves and appreciates you so much, and feeling that same amount of love and appreciation returned, it’s amazing, it feels like he just won a football game.

“I’m happy you feel the same way, honey… You’re really special to me… I love you.”

Belphegor

He puts on a big front that he doesn’t care if anyone loves him or appreciates him, but he just doesn’t want to be seen as weak, and feelings to him are a sign of vulnerability. Plus, those feelings just make attachments stronger and if something bad were to happen, it’ll be harder for him to move on and get over it.

Hugs were weird enough to him, so bear hugs weren’t any less weird, it caught him off guard. He just stood there for a second before finally relaxing in your arms. He loved you, and while he didn’t say it as much as he probably should, he realized that sometimes words weren’t needed to get that feeling across. He could feel all of your love through that hug, and it made him feel… good. When you started telling him you appreciate him… and just how much you appreciate him… that was shocking. He didn’t know what you could possibly be appreciative of considering everything that’s happened and how he was towards you. He’s always felt like a fuck up, like everything bad that’s ever happened was his fault, so to hear that he’s appreciated was strange, he almost couldn’t wrap his head around it.

He wasn’t going to cry, not in front of you, but he definitely felt like he was about to. He’s gotta make an excuse to get you out of the room long enough to get the sniffles out without you noticing.

“You’re such a dork… Go get your pillows and blankets from your room. I want to cuddle with you.”

[belovedmuichiro]

how do you think that the pillars would have reacted to human akaza or Hakuji trying to join their ranks, he's strong but my man did kill 67 people with his bare hands - Space anon

So idk if you meant this as a whole au but here we go :) I imagine the only way for Akaza to become human and join the demon slayers would be via Kyojuro, and that’s not even me as a shipper talking that’s just the only way I can see it going. I don’t think any other hashira would hesitate to kill him, and I think that Kyojuro would be the only one who could a) get through to Akaza and b) would be at least somewhat interested in his potential. I mostly think this because Kyojuro, despite trying to kill him, was trying to convince Akaza of humanity’s beauty and if that was getting through to him, I think he wouldn’t of discarded that. I also think this is the only way Akaza would have access to Tamayo’s medicine (which would have to be finished way earlier in the timeline) and would ever join the demon slayers.

With that in mind! The majority don’t like him, but here’s my in-depth thoughts on that (spoilers!)

Kyojuro likes Akaza, he sees potential in him and wants to help him grow. If and when he learns about his backstory, he relates it to the way his father succumbed to his depression, and feels a sort of obligation to help him heal since he couldn’t do it for his father. He’s Akaza’s biggest advocate, as well as his friend and partner.

Mitsuri is wary of him, but she has a curious and forgiving nature, so she warms up to him quickly, especially with Kyojuro’s approval of him. She’s very understanding of how being a demon changed him, and doesn’t acknowledge it as a real part of himself since he had literally no humanity. She trusts Kyojuro, so she trusts him.

Obanai hates him plain and simple. He’s completely unwilling to try and understand him, and refuses to work with him. If it weren’t for him being a corps member, he probably would’ve killed him. He also hates how close he is to Kyojuro and Mitsuri.

Shinobu is neutral but borders on liking him after he gives her information on Douma. She’s his doctor, so she has to be neutral but she’s very grateful for the advantage he offers her and feels kind of amused by his hatred for Douma.

Giyuu is also neutral, bordering on disliking him. He gives him a fair chance because of the things he did to protect Nezuko, but stays away from him and doesn’t talk to him (not that Akaza tries, they really just stand in silence). He has a deep respect for Kyojuro so he’s accepting of it all, he just doesn’t want to be around him.

Sanemi hates hates hates it. He’s right there with Obanai he hates him so much. He’s vocal about how unfair it is and has tried to attack Akaza before, but it didn’t go well for anyone and he ended up getting in a lot of trouble for it. He still tries to pick verbal fights though.

Muichiro straight up doesn’t care. He’s not even neutral, he barely acknowledges anything is happening. Partially because of his memory issues, but almost entirely because it means nothing to him. If anyone asked him, he wouldn’t even answer. If he has to work with Akaza, he doesn’t show anything beyond compliance with his orders. He’s not afraid to rip into him if the time ever comes, but Akaza would have to piss him off significantly for that.

Tengen doesn’t like him, and this is mostly because he’s Kyojuro’s friend and feels like his trust has been violated by Kyojuro bringing a former demon into their ranks. He is incredibly impressed by his fighting skills though, but that’s as far as his respect goes.

Gyomei doesn’t like it, but doesn’t put up a fight either. Basically how he felt about sparing Nezuko and Tanjiro, he has reservations about it and doesn’t want to accept it, but won’t go as far as to physically stand in the way of it.

Now the younger demon slayers, such as Tanjiro, Inosuke and Zenitsu? They’re funnier, but maybe I’ll write that another time skdjskfjkdk

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.” 

[spenciebabie]

This is a request from @mggbler! Thanks for asking, I loved writing this, I hope you like it!

The blurb was written for this gif.

The Girl Next Door

Spencer and his neighbor have been friends since he moved in. Just friends, so why was he feeling so jealous?

A/N: I got super carried away with this one, I really don’t think I’m capable of writing something under 1000 words. But I was inspired so what are you gonna do

Warnings: smut, nothing too explicit, masturbation (male and female), implied sex, kissing

Words: 1.6k

They’d been friends since the day Spencer moved into the building. She knew the place next door had been on the market for a while and was beyond excited to find out it was another person her own age moving in. Their building was packed with people who’d lived there since the place was built. Not that she hadn’t made friends with them too, it was just nice to have some fresh blood.

She’d brought over a bottle of wine and baked a plate of cookies to welcome him to the building. And his heart instantly swelled with gratitude. They became fast friends, Spencer had never had many of those, and he certainly hadn’t had many outside of work, so he welcomed the connection with open arms.

She was so easy to talk to that it never felt like a burden, or even effort to hang out with her. It always felt simple, and it always felt good.

Until about a year ago. Something shifted and he couldn’t really pinpoint when exactly it happened but I did. Spencer knew she was pretty, she had been from that first day she popped into his doorframe. But Spencer didn’t only care about pretty, he wasn’t the type of person to fall in love with the way someone looked, he fell in love with personality first.

He thinks it might’ve been last November, when he came home from a particularly bad case at 3am and she was outside his door at 3:05. Sleep in her eyes still in her pajamas, when she heard sounds coming from the hall she knew it was him, and something in her knew he needed company. And he realized that he needed her, that he loved her. But that love complicated things.

——

Their apartments are mirror images of each other, which was jarring at first, to walk into a backwards version of your own apartment, but the decorations are all a little different. It was just funny at first but since November it had become a problem.

Because of the layout, their bedrooms backed onto one another, worse still, the headboards of each of their beds were right up against the same paper thin wall.

This hadn’t been a real problem before but since he’d realized his feelings, and since she’d started going on more dates, it was starting to grate on Spencer.

Every time she left for a date he’d have a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t sleep because he’d sit up waiting, listening intently for the sound of her coming in from the date, hoping desperately that she was alone.

And on the occasions that she was he’d feel relief, and then he’d feel horrible for feeling relieved that she’d had a bad time. But on the occasions that she wasn’t alone he’d feel even worse.

He hated the way he could hear her gentle moans, the way she’d cry out a muffled name as her headboard rocked against their shared wall. He loved the noises she made, more than anything, but he hated the noises that came from the other person in there with her. The person that was making her feel that way.

Sometimes he’d get lucky and it would be over quickly. Other times he’d get unlucky and he’d wake up to the same perfect moans the following morning.

Most of the time if he heard it starting he’d just get up and sleep on the couch.

Those paper thin walls could be a blessing at other times. On the occasions that he knew she didn’t have a date, that she was alone in her room. And he’d hear those same beautiful, filthy sounds. Sometimes he could hear the gentle hum of her vibrator, other times he wouldn’t, but the outcome would be the same. She’d moan and cry and if he was lucky, and she was particularly loud, he could sometimes hear her heavy panting.

On those occasions he’d let his own hand drift under the covers and into his boxers. He’d touch himself, stroking along his hard length while he listened. Screwing his eyes shut so that he could picture what might be happening on the other side of the wall, what was she wearing, or not wearing, what position was she lying in, how many fingers was she using, or did she have other toys. And more than anything, he wondered what she was picturing herself.

But when that happened he’d feel terrible almost immediately afterwards. It felt like an invasion of privacy but he really couldn’t help himself any more.

— —

When he arrives home that evening he’s barely got time to leave his satchel down before there’s a knock at his door. He knows who it is, it couldn’t be anyone else.

When he opens it she’s not dressed like she usually is. She’s in a little red dress. The kind with the tiny little straps that held it up, and the tie that wraps it snug around her waist. It cuts off at the mid thigh and he has to force himself to stop looking.

That’s when his eyes land on the bottle of wine in her hand and for a second he feels excited. She was coming over here dressed like that to see him!

“Have you got an corkscrew?” is the first thing she says, “I can’t find mine?”

He nods and steps aside to let her in, while he goes to rummage in the kitchen for his opener. She follows him to the kitchen and leans herself against the countertop.

When he finds it he hands it to her and she pops open the cork.

“Thanks Spence, you’re a lifesaver” she hands it back to him, and he roots through the cupboard for some glasses.

“You want a glass?” She asks, pouring her own and he nods, so she fills one up for him too.

Before he can ask what the occasion is she volunteers the information herself.

“I’ve got a date in like 20 minutes and I’m too nervous, I thought I’d have a drink to calm down but then I couldn’t find my corkscrew and I just made myself more nervous looking for it” she rushes out with a light laugh.

“Oh, cool” he says, and he tries desperately to keep his emotions under control but his heart felt like it was physically aching.

“I should actually head back in there and get ready, I gotta leave soon. You can keep the rest of that bottle, I’ll return the glass later!” She calls out as she wanders back towards his door. “Bye Spence”

“Good luck” he calls down the hall after her, and he wishes he meant it.

— —

Two hours go by and he’s mentally preparing himself for a night spent on the couch when there’s a light knock at his door.

It’s Y/N, and she looks as perfect as she did earlier, and something in him notices that her lipstick is still completely intact. She’s holding his wine glass from earlier and she hands it out to him.

“Here, thanks, but it didn’t do me much good” she frowns a little, and he yet again feels awful that it brings him so much relief.

“Do you wanna come in?” He asks, and he knows he shouldn’t.

“Yeah okay, another glass might help me now” she chuckles and she takes the wine glass back from him.

They sit next to each other on the couch and finish off the bottle together. She always feels so at ease in Spencer’s apartment. Maybe it’s because it was just like her own. But really she knew it was because he lived there, he just made her feel so comfortable, so happy, so loved.

And she also knew that’s why none of her dates had ever gotten a second, and why her date this evening had gone so badly.

None of them made her feel the way that Spencer did. None of them looked at her the way his eyes were looking at her now. And she knew she wouldn’t feel anything close to the love she felt for Spencer for anyone else.

“Spence?” She asks, placing her glass back on the coffee table, “do you ever think about us?”

“Us?” He asks, unsure

“Yeah” she pauses and takes in a deep breath, “Like how we get on so well, and how long we’ve known each other?”

“I mean— I guess so? Why?” He doesn’t want to presume anything about the direction of her train of thought but his heart is absolutely pounding.

“Well, I think what I’m getting at is, why haven’t you done this yet?”

“Done wh—” before he can finish the question her lips are on his. Soft and sweet, and they they taste like red wine, and it’s more perfect than he ever could’ve imagined.

When she pulls back she’s terrified that she’s misread the situation and ruined their friendship forever.

But he’s just staring at her with nothing but pure adoration.

“I didn’t know— I didn’t think— you like me?” He asks, his voice is so soft and sweet.

“I love you Spence” she says it with such conviction and his heart almost bursts in his chest.

“I love you too” he rushes out and then his mouth is on hers again.

This time it’s more feverish, hungry and excited to make up for lost time.

She leans over closer to him and he pulls her tighter against him, placing his hand on the underside of her bare thigh. He can’t believe this is really happening.

Moving against him, her hands splayed out against his chest she pulls back for a moment and looks down at him with half lidded eyes.

“Bedroom?”