#which is good because I hate pantsing

[fafodill]

Here's my question. What do you think would change, if Snape was female?

Because... like... I don't think it would change much? His family trauma doesn't seem to have a specifically *gendered* component... his bullying from James - maybe does? Like James might bully a Fem!Severus differently? (Or then again, maybe not.) Fem! Severus would still be weird, poor, dark arts/slytherin aligned, not attractive (to James)... but also a big draw on Lily's time and affection in a way that James wouldn't like.

I don't think it would changed his relationship with - Dumbledore, the Malfoys, Lupin. Bellatrix might... possibly hate a Fem!Severus more? Like see her as more of a rival? But she already does seem his as a rival, so. I'm not even sure a Fem!Severus would dress or wear her hair any differently.

Very interesting ask. 👁️👁️ I agree that not much would have changed but I do see a few little things here and there which, once you addition them, could make her act a little differently...

Childhood

She would still experience a pretty miserable life at Spinner's End, but she might have felt a bit less awkward with wearing her mother's clothes, thus making her maybe a bit less socially stunned.

She would still meet Lily and not get along with Petunia.

Hogwarts

You pointed out the most important and obvious point already: the bullying. Not that it would have not taken place - guys can absolutely bully women - but considering the time period I suspect Sirius and James's pureblood upbringing would have influenced the way they interacted with Fem!Severus.

First, their first encounter on the Hogwarts Express might have been less aggressive. I think James and Sirius would have been taken aback and super weirded out by this poor, unpleasant and ugly girl, but I don't think they'd have insulted her as harshly/tried to make her trip or nicknamed her. Maybe some things would have been salvageable then - not talking about friendship here (pretty impossible) but just... being civil?

It's pretty certain James would have still been jealous of Fem!Severus for hanging around Lily but he wouldn't have needed to prove he had the bigger pair - which was a good chunk of what it was in canon imo. He would still tease her and ridicule her verbally in front of Lily but maybe less viciously. Fem!Severus would still fight back so this could escalate to jinxes but still, it has the potential to be way tamer overall.

As for Sirius, I think he could have seen some of his mother in Fem!Severus, which could have resulted in either: wanting to bully her even more OR unconsciously trying to avoid her. I can see her making him super uncomfortable. I'm personally leaning toward the latter option. A man he could be violent with - no problem - but a woman? Hm. I'm unsure.

If the bullying was lessened, then I don't think it would go as far as the Prank or SWM, because pantsing a girl, even one you really don't like, even one who might be interested in the Dark Arts, seems super extreme coming from two pureblood boys. The 'boys will be boys' excuse functions better between all boys in this instance. I think this would have felt ickier for everybody around them. Tho if the Prank did happen, Dumbledore wouldn't move a finger either, that's for sure.

No SWM means no 'mudblood' incident. This being said, I don't think her relationship with Lily would have changed much. What drove them apart isn't related to gender and it's pretty clear Lily wanted to distance herself anyway. SWM was an excuse so she would find another one.

Also less bullying doesn't mean she wouldn't become a DE because she would still crave a place and be susceptible to Riddles' promises.

First War

I do wonder how it would have changed her relationship with Lucius Malfoy tho? As a young man he may have kept a bit more distance between them as to not start rumors? So maybe she would have gotten less support from him? But maybe she could have become friends with Narcissa and it would have been the same (I like that idea).

Dumbledore would have maybe been less harsh with her when she first came to him or when the Potter died, since he would maybe project less of himself and Gellert in her... but he would definitely have still manipulated her the same way. Dumbledore is a lot of things, but he's not sexist.

Harry

Later in life, since she wouldn't be as traumatized, she would have been less triggered by Harry's resemblance to James, thus making their relationship less disastrous. She would be cold and distant but less cruel. She would also have been able to teach him Occlumency more successfully, which could have changed quite a few things plot-wise...

Second War

I also agree with the idea of Bellatrix being jealous. I really see it. She would certainly try to slander her/hex her viciously in order to get rid of her. This would have maybe made Fem!Severus' work way harder. Maybe this would have resulted in her trying to get rid of Bellatrix.

I wouldn't be surprised if during the Second War many DE thought Voldemort and Fem!Severus were somewhat of an item. He was pretty fond of Severus after all... and if Bellatrix proved to be too annoying and Voldemort ended up getting rid of her it would rightfully start some rumors. Maybe Dumbledore would have tried to encourage it even? I don't know if that's really his style but I wouldn't get it past him to suggest it at the very least.

Conclusion

So... yeah. I don't see this many changes (I may have overlooked some things). Severus is already pretty female coded in many ways (his writing, the way he talks, moves, his interest in potions, the way his (very valid) feelings are dismissed etc.) and in a Fem!AU, many interesting things could be explored in the way people would interact with her.

But I do think she could be less traumatized and more self-assured. Maybe she would have enough mental energy as an adult to create spells and potions. She wouldn't dislike Harry as much and maybe have a bit more self-preservation in regard of Dumbledore's plans for her. I don't see her being ready to sacrifice herself as fully as canon!Severus. She'd have a few backups.

But she would still wear a grey nightshirt.

And have pretty perky little boobs.

[miraclegel]

I've been working on outlining aftermath fic lately cos ngl, I just got a liiiiittle too burnt out on the rewrite to keep going for the moment. I'm stressing over it in the back of my head because I need to get it dooooone and keep moving forward with this fic, but oh man, it's been such a fun break to just be plotting and outlining instead. Even if some of it is lighter/fluffier scenes that I know I'm gonna dread when the time comes to actually write them lmao. Like the aquarium date. And the museum date. And the festival date... whhhhy do I do this to myself, I hate writing fluff xD But dammit, Noct is getting better! He deserves to have fluffy dates here and there!

Knowing me, they won't even be pure fluff lol. They're not even really supposed to be cos boy still working on his trauma. He just gets to be spared any panic and/or breakdowns and/or PTSD triggers and have an overall good day while being slightly on edge. The things we writers do to our characters...

I'm aaaaaalmost done outlining the second arc (this fic has arcs now!! T^T). Fic goes from April to April and Sept-Dec is the second arc... I'm kinda hung up on winter holiday stuff, because I made up a holiday for it ages ago, and then I wrote monsters, and for some reason I made up a similar but different winter holiday for that fic??? And I like having consistent worldbuilding between my fics but I kinda like the stuff in aftermath fic better but it would also make the fic a little longer and one thing is also a little too similar to a thing I made up for the not-halloween holiday which, admittedly, Noct didn't get to do cos trauma said no so it's not like it would read the same... Yeah hi I'm torn and it's stopped my outlining because I don't know which one to go with and neither of the two people I usually ask for plotting help are available rn so here I am rambling on a blog post instead dksksk

The outline is up to eighty-nine chapters so far. lmao. keeping in mind it's the second arc. there's a whole third arc after this that covers january to mid-april. genuinely what the fuck is wrong with me. why did I ever write such a ridiculously long fic. still feeling/fearing it'll hit a million words, but maybe it won't. it'll get close though. I mean it's at 650K and it's only just started the second arc??? yeah I'm doomed.

That said, it's been really satisfying having stuff come together while outlining and taking what was disjointed plot points and making them flow smoothly into one another and realising how one will lead to another... feels like fitting together a puzzle and I get so excited when I find the two pieces that naturally connect. I think about my early days of writing fanfic and pantsing it and getting frustrated and stuck and having to abandon fics and I shudder. Outlining to spare my future sanity, my beloved.

[infamous-if]

Hi sunshine!!

Hehe I’m gonna pretend I was the first to send an ask to your newly-cleared inbox 🤣 I was just reading your writing advice post about beat sheets and I was wondering if you had any more writing advice? Mainly how you’re able to write so much but also how you’re able to do so in a linear fashion.

I have..absolutely no writing background and my writing process is very instinctual rather than organized. I type with my eyes closed so I can visualize scenes like a movie and I follow a beat sheet consisting of “fuck it we ball”

it’s dope that you have a novel writing background, little me would think you’re like the Viola Davis of literature if she heard that. (23 year old me thinks you’re cool too dw HEHEH)

Anywaysss you know I love your IF and I’m sending you a virtual hug!! 😁

Hi! and lolol I'll pretend you were too hehe

And good question! I think having a novel background does help since I've gotten used to writing a lot. I really respect IF authors who jump into IF with no writing experience because no only do you also have to code and write multiple books (routes) in one, you're also sharing that work to the public almost immediately.

It took me having to post fanfic + indie publishing to grow a thick skin and an understanding against hate and criticism, so people who choose this as their first foray into writing have my immense respect lmao it's not easy!

Mainly how you’re able to write so much but also how you’re able to do so in a linear fashion.

I've said before that I'm able to write a lot because I plan everything before hand. I'm not capable of pantsing and I'm a plotter through and through. When I know the beats to a scene and have a goal, I can just focus on reaching that goal instead of trying to come up with a purpose.

For example, I'm currently working on a novel as well as Infamous, and I just spent like....eight hours today just working on the outline (again). I think I have about 15 different variations of the outline, but I can't write if I don't know what's coming up next. I think I spend more time working on the outline than the book. (For example: One book I spent one year working on the outline and then wrote the book in 3 months lmao).

Anyway, almost every conversation in a book has a purpose, even if it's not obvious. Sometimes it's to express motivation, further the plot, create conflict. Sometimes it's to add depth to characters which usually results in conversations that seemingly have no purpose (like the band talking about whether orion would be a good band member or not) but they do! (its to establish the dynamic and level of closeness + personalities). When I know what I want to tell in a scene and what I want to express, I don't meander as much. So I plan plan plan plan.

But really, if you work best off instinct, I encourage you to go that way. There's no right way, and you don't want to force yourself. Sometimes people write their best when they're figuring it out along the way. I'm not capable of that hahahahah

As for linear, I can NOT jump around as much as I wish. I need CONTEXT like...I love referring back to old conversations and using the older conversations as context to newer ones people who can jump around and write non-linearly are superhuman.

Typing with your eyes closed seems so cool. I do have a cinematic approach to writing as well, but I also only type with three fingers lmao (I never learned how to use all your fingers for typing) so I need to see plshfhsdfhdsj

thank you!! I love your IF as well and your energy! Your posts are so fun to read and Memento Mori is SOO GOOD!

[overjoyedisland]

💋🛠🙋🏽‍♀️🎨🦅 For the writer emoji ask game. 🥰

Thanks for the asks!

💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

Love them! I love reading about people falling in love.

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

Mostly Google Docs. Sometimes I take notes in my phone's notes app. I use Google search for research, unless I can find an IRL expert (like @saranova for the charity gala chapter in Accidental Connection!)

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

One, but she's never read FW or my fanfic. She was my best friend and next door neighbor growing up and we used to write together for fun in our teens. (She dreamed of becoming a published author - a goal she achieved last summer!!) We're both super busy and don't talk as often now, but when I started writing fanfic I found myself thinking of her so often because it reminded me of our teen years, so I had to text her and tell her about it. (She was very happy for me and super supportive.)

I did tell a couple of IRL friends that I see regularly that I was working on the wiki for these books, which I figured would eventually lead to me confessing about my fanfic writing, but it hasn't come up yet. (They have no interest in reading FW, despite my gushing about it for a year now, so I think it would be low risk to spill the beans to them because they wouldn't go looking for my writing.)

Oh, also my husband knows to some degree... he knew I was writing my version of Book 3 and wanted to read it. I told him he had to finish books 1 & 2 first. He's not a big reader, so that might keep me safe forever. 😅

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

I love it! @erose806 made this incredible graphic based on my Right Number series and I love it!! The idea that someone would take the time to create art based on something I wrote is humbling. ❤

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

It depends, but usually a bit of both.

For Long Time Coming, my post-IF canon-compliant fic, I had a fairly good outline of the first half of the story and I knew more or less how it would end before I even started writing. In my doc, I labeled each chapter and added bullet points for what would happen in that chapter. I continually built on those and updated them as I went.

For the Right Number series (a mostly unserious modern AU), I'm mostly pantsing it, though I do tend to write chapters in groups, so that I have an idea what will happen for the 3 or so chapters I'm working on at the same time. But once those three are published, I'm back to a blank slate (other than whatever plot points are established at that point). It helps that the characters have routines in this fic, so though I don't have a strict outline, I know that I need a movie for Friday nights, smut for the weekends, game night on Tuesdays, etc.

[tehriel]

Alright, a few ideas for you. Any of these can be turned into filth, and I will be delighted. I imagine the reader as a Ghoul and nonbinary/afab, but it doesn't matter:

- Sodo and a shy reader that has a crush on him. He has noticed them watching him, but they'll never be the one to make the first move.

- Mountain and a ghoul reader who have been friends for a while. The reader has developed feelings for Mountain but is afraid to admit them and risk losing him, but Mountain can tell something is up.

- Omega has noticed that the reader has been around him more often and coming to him with work related questions. He begins to realize they have a crush on him, and they’re just trying to spend more time with him but are too nervous to just ask to hang out.

I got you friend~ Thank you for your prompts

I find shy readers really close to home to write about haha, I might try it one day it just would be so close to how I act in real life, and I just wanna escapppeee kekek

I took the Mountain prompt, fluffed around with it, gave him some insecurities. He is just a sweetie pie. I added a self-insert, let me know if you spot them, weheheh

The very mature rating can be found under the line and the explicit on AO3. Over 18 please my friends~

If anyone else wants to send me prompts, I prefer scenarios to kinks~ I am a bit on the demi/ace spectrum. Romance/feelings>smut and i like the option of not writing smut if I am not feeling it :3

I have a fun Swiss one coming up next~

Thank you for reading!

“Eyy, _____.”

“How’s it hanging, Swiss?” You walked to your usual meeting spot with Mountain, your usual surveillance partner in tow. The spot was where the ministry grounds met the edge of the surrounding pine forest. The pines were made for privacy but also hid unwelcome visitors from view, which meant there always had to be at least one pair of ghouls watching the treeline. The sun was beginning to down so you were trading shifts with Swiss and Dewdrop.

Swiss had to think momentarily and cocked his head of long dreads. “To the left, I think,” he replied, squinting.

“Huh, unusual for you,” you shrugged. You could feel Moutain beside you; you had had a new awareness for him of late. He was a big creature of few words hidden behind a pair of thick-rimmed glasses and a thick fringe of hair. 

“Eh, switching it up a little bit,” Swiss gave a trademark grin.

“How about you, Dew?” You prompted.

“I’m afraid you’re just going to have to check for yourself, _____,” he had a mean smile, which wasn’t something he could help; his brows were always in a kind of downcast scowl regardless of mood.

“Is that a challenge?” You piqued a brow, “you know that generally doesn’t work out well for you, dickweed.”

Mountain stood a little taller beside you.

He may not speak much, but you could tell when chaos mode was about to engage. He usually followed you into any bullshit your mouth got you into.

“Your big fuzzy protector has been clipped, _____,” Dew smirked. 

“I don’t need help pantsing you, short shit,” you chuckled.

“Bring it on, Peanut,” Dew leered; a ghoul after your own heart, almost always looking for violence.

“Speaking of clipping,” Swiss interrupted what was going to be a ghoulish brawl followed by many ripped pants. “Mountain, it’s your first day back, right?”

“Yeah,” he looked down at the cast on his arm. He was bound up with a sling and still had a few plasters on his face. Ghouls healed fast—just not that fast.

Your gaze fell, playfulness leaching from you. You were trying not to acknowledge it like it could be any other day. Mountain’s arm had been broken in four places during your last watch together.

“You good to do this? You need a third?” Sodo prompted. He was genuine, and you hated when he was genuine because that usually meant something was wrong.

You would usually pass him off in an instant, but in that moment, you deemed it not your call to make.

You felt Mountain’s awareness on you; you could feel it more intensely these days—it was nothing he was doing on purpose. It was all you. 

“Nah, I only need one hand,” his voice was softer than his appearance might suggest and was tipped with an accent he’d picked up with some time in Australia.

“You see anything to look out for?” You asked as if it was completely fine, and you had this, and you had all the confidence in the world for returning to the job.

“Uh… there was a Nymph?” Swiss said after a while of thinking, “But it will probably try to seduce you more than anything.”

“Huh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a Nymph,” you frowned.

“I wouldn’t go near it,” Dew wrinkled his nose, “that weird pollen shit.”

You rolled your eyes; the real reason why Dew wouldn’t go near it was because it wasn’t on any kind of hitlist. If murder wasn’t on the table, neither was Dew. “Right, if that’s it, you can skedaddle, lads,” you thumbed over your shoulder back towards the cathedral.

“Get some rest,” Mountain agreed.

Dew clicked his tongue, “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure if you stay any longer, you will be without pants,” you promised.

“Peanut…” Dew warned, and Swiss threw an arm around him to tug him away.

“Later, _____,” Swiss grinned.

“See you at breakfast,” you handed out two stealthy ass-smacks as they passed.

“Ooo, I’m gonna…” Dew grumbled as Swiss laughed, dragging him away.

You chuckled, and it was quiet again without them. Just you and Mountain, the way it always was—the way it should be. Your big, tall lampshade of a companion. Your brother from another demonic nightmare. Your good time boy. Silence had never been awkward between you two, so who should it be then? He was usually quiet anyway, happy to listen as you run your mouth. Nothing should be different. Nothing would be different.

You had a track you usually followed through the treeline, under and over logs, scouting up certain trees. Finding the peaks of the valley and surveying was commonplace, but what wasn’t typical was that you didn’t know what to do with your hands as you walked. Pockets(?) How much hands swaying as you walked was too much hand swaying? Arms crossed just looked defensive. 

“______?”

“What’s up, Mounty?” You had chosen to rest your arms behind your head like some anime character. Looked cool in anime—less cool in real life.

“Something’s wrong.”

You stopped, you listened. You peeled your eyes to the underbrush. You couldn’t sense anything, but Mountain had pointier ears than yours; you’d always wondered if he heard more. “What’s up? Is it the nymph?” Your voice was barely a breath in volume.

“With you, _____,” he smiled softly at your readiness.

You sagged. “Ya scared me; what do you mean?” You asked and continued on your usual winding path. It was a bright moon, your pupils dilated, and you saw much of the forest as you would during the day, just bluer.

“You’re acting strange.”

“Feels like that’s on brand for me,” you shrugged.

“You’ve usually tried to climb me three times by now.”

“Not my fault, you’re very high ground,” you muttered. “Fine, you’re injured, Mounty… so it’s…”

“You think I can’t handle you while I’m like this?” He chuckled.

You swallowed. It was as innocent as anything Mountain usually said to you. He was right, of course; the guard duty was long and tedious, and you liked to try and wrestle him most days. He could throw you over his shoulder and put you in the bin easily enough, but he always indulged you anyway. He was your best friend. Your partner in crime. You needed him to be that. “Yeah, you’re delicate goods right now,” you grinned at him to shrug it off. Well, ‘at him’ was a general term—you’d been having trouble looking at him of late.

“Delicate goods?” You heard the frown in his voice. “Can’t have saying things like that.” He said and bobbed down.

It was so sudden you took some staggered steps forward and had to tune around to figure out what he was up to. “Huh?”

“Hop aboard, ______.”

“Oh…” it shouldn’t be weird; it wasn’t weird; riding Mountain’s shoulders was commonplace. He was slow-moving, so anyone quick enough could usually climb up and hop aboard. He never seemed to mind. “Yeah… yeah…” You eased yourself into the idea; yeah, that made sense—It was Mountain; he was literally named for climbing.

You swung a leg over him, and he stood quickly. 

“You good up there, Peanut?”

Peanut was something stupid some of the other ghouls tended to call you; it was odd to hear it from him. Maybe it was an accident? “Hell, yeah, the best seat in the house—Ghoul Rangers battle morph~” you tried to screw around with your usual shenanigans, but your ears felt hot. “Forest better prepare its anus; we’re in our final form!”

He chuckled and petted one of your thighs before continuing on your usual path.

Fucking hell, what was happening? He always did that, but… why was it different? You didn’t want it to be different.

“You know I…” Mountain murmured but lost the words.

Where did you put your hands? It was usually his hair or horns… but that felt… too much. Fuck, just do it like you used to. You reached into his soft, scruffy locks, his scalp warm against your fingertips. Your gut was jelly. “What’s up, big guy?” Somehow, your voice didn’t waver.

“I know I took this hit—but I can still protect you,” he squeezed your thigh.

Damn it. What was he doing to you? “Mounty…”

“You’ve seemed distant recently, ______.”

At least from this position, you didn’t have to look him in the eye. Unless he somehow pulled an exorcist on you. That’d be weird. “Have I? I think I’m just aware I’m a bit, uh, rough… sometimes—“

“I’m still strong enough to be at your side.” He had added a little gravel to give voice.

You tried to hide the shiver in your spine by stretching. Was he hurting that you had withdrawn ever since the accident with the nephilim? He was still your best friend. “It’s… It’s not that big guy.”

“What is it?”

“I’m your partner, so I shouldn’t have let you get hurt like that. You like protecting me—but it’s my job to watch your back too.” You ran your fingers against him as a self-indulgence. “And seeing you hurt like that…” made you realise a few things about how important he was to you. “I failed you, Mounty.”

“Nah,” he shook his head, “no way, Peanut—it just happens sometimes. And I saw you turn on the bugger, extremely fucking sexy; I’ve never seen you go to town like that.”

Nothing new to call each other sexy. Banter was what you both thrived off. Never before had you been so scarlet. You could only hope the blood rush didn’t reach your legs in his purview. You had to segue. “What’s up with the Peanut?”

“Oh, I just thought Dew called you that, so it was just… and you guys seem close, so…” you felt him shrug.

“Dickwad only calls me that because he said if I ever grew a dick, it would look like a peanut—which feels very pot calling the kettle… Dude has a fucking acorn.”

You felt his shoulder quake with mirth. “Do the rest of the pack know that?”

“Sometimes things just stick,” you grimaced.

“Either way… You never have to worry about being too rough with me, ______.” He said softly, “I—I’ve missed you,” his head rested to the side for a moment, and you felt his cheek against your thigh.

So then you imagined his lips on your thigh, just a chaste moment. Just… you swallowed. Sparks rippled over your skin. You had to stow it, and you had to do it quickly.

You heard him sniff. “______?” Was his voice deeper, or were you imagining it?

“Hm?”

“There’s a nymph in this forest…” he muttered. His hand slid over your leg, and you felt the sweat of his palm through your uniform pants.

“Oh…” and what ‘oh’ meant was there was a little forest trickster running around with weird, sexy pollen powers. Hopefully, what you were feeling could be blamed solely on that. “You good?”

“Yeah.. yeah… she’ll be right.”

You were so close you could usually tell what he meant regardless of what his mouth said. He was turned on then. The idea ignited something you wanted to stay unlit. “Yeah, we’re big ghouls, plus we’re best friends, so we wouldn’t…”

“We wouldn’t…?”

“Yeah, we’re like a hundred years of plutonic companionship impervious to nymphy bullshit, right?”

“Y-yeah, exactly.”

“Hey, tree person, fuck off!!” You called. “Earth is kinda your domain, right? How do we scare the jerk away?”

He didn’t immediately answer.

“Mounty?”

“Oh, they’re just looking for fun.”

“See we just… be unexciting?” But what could be more salacious to a nymph than a person suddenly wanting their own best friend? Suddenly realising you loved them and wanted them to yourself—that you were suddenly jealous of anyone he looked at? That his body, which you knew as well as your own, called to you? You’d dreamt of him, too. 

He hummed softly, and you felt the vibrations of it between your legs. 

“Right, you gotta let me down—“

“______?” He whispered your name and paused.

“We should maybe split up,” you muttered.

“Ah.. right, good… yep..” he bobbed back down.

You stepped from his shoulder and couldn’t really look at him. You ran a sweaty hand through your hair. “I’ll just go the opposite direction and find you on the road again, hum?”

“That… sounds right.” He wasn’t looking at you, either.

“Uh, yell if you need me, Mounty.” 

“Yeah..”

“Yep.”

You didn’t stall; you walked away quickly. You had a very old friendship to preserve, which meant finding yourself a nymph.

***

You didn’t stay on the path.

You were out for blood. Your stomach only churned harder the deeper you got into the underbrush. The want for your best friend became unbridled lust, and you fought for the centre of the pollen cloud. He meant more to you than some little shit’s entertainment.

“Where are you, you little shit?” You glowered. Mountain was nature and strength. A gentle giant. You were a hot head; you were speed, tracking and assassination. You were going to peel the flesh from its little bones… You could smell it. It was something sweeter than grass and a little bit citrusy. Like lemonade during a summer’s picnic. The closer you got, the more flushed you got.

There came a break in the trees. Moonlight shimmered in a pool of water, and with it, the green glimmer of a nymph. You would wring its little pixie neck, you would... 

“Oh, hello, friend~!” They sat on a rock in the middle of the lake.

Oh no. No. They were cute. Green skin, big broccoli hair, twinkly doe eyes and a sweet smile. The nymph had a book in their hands and was writing in it with a teeny quill while they hitched up their thick coke-bottle glasses.

“F-friend?” You choked and felt you had to hide your claws.

“Uh, huh,” they beamed and hid their weeny little diary behind their back. Just what had they been writing in there? “How did it go?! Did you confess your love to one another?” They stood up, fixed their little petal dress, and beamed at you. They were… so smol.

“N-no… hey, I don’t want… we don’t want. We both… and it’s not like that…”

They frowned, “Nu-uh,” you pouted childishly. “I can smell the butterflies in your stomach, the tingles in your nose all the way to your toes~~~”

“Well, I don’t want it.”

“Don’t… don’t want it?” Their eyes somehow got even bigger.

“Just.. I don’t want…” you sighed. “Relationships come and go, but Mountain is my forever partner.”

“You love him~” they sparkled, ignoring the whole ‘I don’t want’ statement.

“I do. More than wanting sort of… all this…” You gestured to all the invisible pollen in the air.

They actually started crying.

“Oh… oh…. That’s… there are plenty of ghouls to screw around with, you know… I’m good not, uh, doing this… There is one called Dew; he sometimes goes by Sodomiser. It would be very funny to screw around with him,” you nodded fervently.

“Friend….” They sniffled on their rock in the middle of the pond.

“Please—let me make my own choices,” you sagged.

Their lip trembled.

“Please.”

They nodded slowly, and you felt some of the grip lessen over your stomach.

“Thank you,” you sighed. 

“I hope you reconsider,” she sniffed. 

“It’s… not likely,” you grimaced, and your stomach dropped a little for the first time at the idea of it. Companions for life, but… You would both eventually find other ghouls, wouldn’t you? What then? And you shouldn’t act just at the possibility of him having someone else. He saw you like a sibling—you approaching him like that out of the blue would be uncomfortable for him, and then you really would ruin everything. You massaged your head. 

“______…”

You heard Mountain call your name, and your head whipped. “I have to go…” You began walking backwards.

“I’ll see you later, friend~” they sparkled.

“______!”

You began stealthing. What could be out here that you didn’t smell? Was he okay? You remembered the nephilim standing over him; he’d been thrown back into the treeline, felling at least three trees before his body had come to a stop. His head had cracked back. You’d thought for a moment he was dead. Mountain. Your great Mountain. You’d seen red. That couldn’t happen again. 

You moved through the branches of the fir forest with a light step and bloodlust humming in your veins. Anyone who dared touch Moutnain would… He wasn’t on the track, and he was alone.

“….______….” His voice was low and broken. He faced a tree trunk, forehead pressed to the bark. A short, frustrated sound came from him like he hated something. He was in loathing.

Was he okay? Was there an enemy you couldn’t see? You perched on the bough and waited to pounce.

“I… hmm…” Mountain’s gentle voice came out strained. He whimpered, pained.

You were about to rush to him.

“Fuck, _____, just like that… I… shouldn’t… I want you. D-damn it…” he groaned low, hunching further to drag his horns against the trunk like a rutting bull elk.

Oh. You took in the slack of the ghoul’s uniform pants around his waist. The slight thrust of his hips. You recognised the wet sounds. You had thought the nymph’s thrall was over… it was over, wasn’t it? You went beet red. You shouldn’t see this, you should leave. You turned around and stepped for the next branch to give him privacy.

“______… don’t look at Dew like that…” There then came a low, tortured groan. Seemed he was in pain. Your best friend was hurting. “My… my… love… you’re so… I hate myself for…”

Your heart was cleaved clean in two.

Mountain froze as he felt the pressure of your forehead against the middle of his back. “______?… shit… Sorry, the nymph…”

You rubbed your face against him. “The nymph isn’t controlling us any more.” 

“I.. I’m sorry… I…”

When had he started hurting like this? You curled your tail to his leg and snuggled his body to you. “Are you okay, Mounty?”

He sagged into you. “No.”

“Me neither,” you murmured. “…what do we do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Neither do I,” you held him tighter like he would somehow disappear. “I think I love you Mountain,” You wanted to hide in him; your voice trembled.

“I love you too, ______.”

You stayed hidden behind him as if nothing would change if you didn’t move. You felt his cast rub at your arms around his middle. You heard the clumsy one-handed zip of his pants being done up.

“Broke the wrong hand, huh?” You chuckled into his back.

“Yeah.” His shoulders relaxed, and he laughed softly. 

You’d made a joke, which somehow meant you’d both be okay. “Maybe I’ll give you a hand later, huh?” You grinned.

“_______,” he moaned, and you felt the tuft of his tail run against your leg. “Uh… sorry…” he tugged his tail to him. He looked back at you, worry knitting his brows, and his glasses still fogged.

You let him go so that he could turn around properly. “Hey, big guy.”

“Hey,” His green eyes washed down your face. “I… want to kiss you,” he averted his gaze, “Is that something we do now or should we not…? I can’t lose you, so I don’t know…”

“I can’t lose you either. I also want to kiss you, though—maybe it will be weird, and we would hate it, and then we can just return to how it was?” You guessed.

“Yeah.. that..” he swallowed and hesitantly leaned down for you to reach for him, leaving you with the decision to make.

You tentatively reached for his neck. Your nose brushed his like an electric current ran you through. You kissed your best friend’s mouth—and he kissed you back with hunger, groaning into your mouth. He teased your tongue with his own. You only parted when you were both breathless.

“I…” your bridge pressed his, “I didn’t hate it…”

He hummed, his eyes closed, and brows contorted in pain. “More..” he growled softly to your lips before he took them for himself. His unbound arm wrapped your waist. Were his hands always so large?

[esssteee]

Thanks for the tag @yletylyf <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 13

2. What's your total A03 words count? 351,919

3. What fandoms do you write for? grishaverse and castlevania. i'm still a baby writer, having started actively contributing to fandom works not quite 2 years ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we are the wild youth chasing visions of the future (gv, aleksander/alina), young liars (gv, aleksander/nikolai), with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai), winding and unwinding (gv, aleksander/nikolai), i will eat you alive (gv, aleksander/nikolai)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yep, almost all! if i receive several in a row, chapter after chapter and by the same person, than i will more likely just respond to the last one, but i do like giving an answer to any feedback and show of love i get!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

um, good question. i don't think I've written a true angsty ending. i have several open/ambiguous endings, but the ending for me and the devil (gv, aleksander/alina) is the most ambiguous of the bunch just because it can be interpreted as alina just going stir-crazy from being alone and forgotten for so long and imagining aleksander by her side and staying with her, so it can be angsty if you take it that way.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) cause they end up pseudo married and ruling together (yay!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! too small a fandom writer for that and i'm ever thankful for it!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

me? smut??? XD just look at the rating for each fic and the associated tags, i guess i do love developping characters through the very intimate act of them falling in bed together. no real kinky sex or anything, but there's often lots of hidden (and not so hidden) feelings behind the act. most smut i've written can be considered rough and/or passionate, since there's a kind of desperation born out of the characters thinking they only have that one single time to be with the other so they're giving their all. i do love exploring the vulnerabilities that come from that for sure!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no i haven't. it's never really been my fav thing, but if done well, it'd read one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so, not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i had someone asking to translate one, yes.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

that i've written? aleksander/nikolai in gv for sure, aleksander/alina a close second. but as a reader, i just love love love the perfect OT3 that is alucard/trevor/sypha from castlevania (if you haven't read baba by crownofpins, GO READ IT NOW)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

none, i'm just terribly slow right now. life is throwing a ton of shit at me (dog being very sick, work is horrible, energy at the lowest point), but i keep daydreaming about each fic and slowly coming up with future parts in my head if not on paper.

16. What are your writing strengths?

ah man i don't know, getting into the character's head for which i'm writing the pov from, making their thoughts and feelings just as important as anything going on. i guess because of that i strongly favour inner conflict storylines.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

too wordy. also pantsing my way thru a fic instead of really sitting down and coming up with a plan ― we are the wild youth chasing visions of our future really forced me to come up with a strong plan, which i never would have been able to do without @theonewiththeory's immense help, girl i never would have been able to achieve what i did without you!! it is my first fic in english, the first one i wrote as an adult, and it shows, but i'm still proud of it! but i definitively continue to struggle with planning and too often i fall into the bad habit of vibing along with it. also, big external-conflict plotting is a hard thing for me, tho i wish i could become better at it since it's always so fun as a reader and i'm always impressed by writers who pull an intricate plot so flawlessly!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not a fan of it. so often the other language is plain up butchered, and there are ways to do it without having to juggle the hassle of writing a dialogue in another language and needing to translate it so the reader knows what's going on. but as all things, they are exceptions to the rule and anything can be done well!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh man the lord of the rings (with a very mary sue oc even! but i remember having such self-indulging fun with that oc and all the research needed to flesh the story out) and the legend of zelda/ocarina of time (at least i went with link for my mc in this one!)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

when i was 12, i started a complete rewrite of ocarina of time which i of course never posted online. it was in french and i was only doing it for fun. but i still have one version of it and oh boy is it cringe-worthy XD big fail, i read that question as the first fic written ― my brain is really elsewhere these days. my fav fic is definitively with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) which became a comfort reread when i need to feel better by reading about familiar and intimate characters. the whole series (of monsters and men) is something i'm really proud of, even with its faults and misgivings, but that third and final part has left me with the biggest impact personally.

Tagging: i'll tag a few people (no pressure, it's only if you want of course!), but anyone else who see this and wanna do it too, have fun with it (and tag me! i wanna read about people <3)

@theonewiththeory, @ladyverdance/@greensaplinggrace, @inahandful-of-dust, @aloveforjaneausten, @fantomette22, @goatsandgangsters, @zizygy, @itsnotunfinisheditsmystyle

[flydotnet]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where I give myself stupidly niche requests according to this marvelous card… or something. It’s been three years dawg. (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled).

Besides, if I didn't mess up in the first place, this wouldn't have happened.

This fic is quite a long time in the making. I started working on it last year, before I even had the idea for Rice Vinegar, a previous entry in this bingo card series. I was reading/catching up to the absolute banging series that is Brimstone in my Garden, Roses set on Fire by @inkblackorchid. I was on my yearly YGO kick, this time mostly 5D's-related (it's either 5D's or Arc-V, I've come to notice) and reading Snapping Jaws and Piercing Horns (which you absolutely should read, btw, but I have a sneaking suspicion that, if you're reading this, then you've at least heard of SJPH), when the idea for this fic came to me. I really like the friendship between Aki and Crow that the series sets up during the WRGP arc, because it's got my two favourite 5D's characters involved and also it's got canonical whump material linked to it and I'm a sucker for that stuff. Everything was here for success; I was unemployed at the time so I had a bunch of free time on my hands, the inspiration was crisp and I could fuck around and find out with writing new characters I hadn't before. Issue: I hated what I was actually writing.

Since I was reading InkBlackOrchid's works, I was like "God, I need it to be as good as hers". Problem is, I don't have her writing style at all, all the while I was somehow attempting to pastiche how she writes Aki's POV. The result was a very spiteful narration that doesn't even fit Aki at this point of her character development or even the story I was trying to tell in the first place, and a lot of clumsy descriptions. It was bad, y'all. Now, that was the first draft. I had abandonned it at first, thinking I'd just never do anything with it nor with the idea I had, but I just happened to look at my AO3 subscriptions, remembered the banger 5D's fic series, and finally went on InkBlackOrchid's Tumblr. Reading her Autopsy of Crow series of posts reminded me of my WIP and made me want to finish it so I could throw my two cents in the 5D's fight.

I mention Brimstone in my Garden, Roses set on Fire this much because my love for this series is a genuine explanation for some elements of this fic. I like its version of canon so much I wrote established Faithship into this fic as if they were actually dating by this time of the series, forgetting that actually didn't happen in 5D's proper. Sorry not sorry on that front, btw, I've always shipped them and I don't think I'll stop anytime soon. The very first version of this idea wasn't even going to delve into Aki losing her powers after her crash pre-Team Catastrophe (my very own guilty pleasure of a duel, I actually really like it lol), but since I was so inspired by something that did, I figured I had to tackle the question as well. I hope it doesn't fall flat on its face. Be Careful what you Wish for had me by the gametes.

Wow, I had a lot of things to say for something that's kind of just whump I decided to write on a whim like a year ago, huh. I don't even know if my characters sound right (as in, I think my Aki is OOC, she's too open if that makes sense?), it's my first rodeo and it's scary but hey, getting out of your comfort zone is how you improve, ain't it? I don't know if this story is good, I didn't really rewatch 5D's before writing it, just pantsed it out based on memory and what I rewatched earlier this year (I think it was this year? I remember writing a post for my side Tumblr back then mentioning Max Verstappen out of all people and I wasn't into F1 until late 2023. Anyway).

-------------------------------

Outside the Comfort Zone

Summary: Aki passes by Yusei and Co.'s living quarters to retrieve a copybook. Crow makes it way harder than it has any right to be. (or: a recently-ish powerless Aki finds herself having to care for a very stubborn, unwell Crow, and it goes as well as you'd expect.)

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's (set during the WRGP arc)

Word Count: 4K words

AO3 version available here.

Event run by @badthingshappenbingo

-------------------------------

There’s something off with the garage of Poppo’s Time, today.

Oh, of course, most of it is obvious: the air’s still, there’s a distinct lack of mechanical clicking and Yusei isn’t here. It’s a minutia of various little details that, added together, make the entire place tilt forty-five degrees to the left.

It’s, unfortunately, not just these which make her feel this way. Frankly, if it was, Aki would’ve already gone out the door and back home. She’s just here to recover a copybook and it should’ve only taken her mere minutes to do that; yet there she is, ten minutes after stepping on the other side of the door, still without her biology copybook, still in a home that isn’t hers, and unsure of where to take the situation next.

The reason might just be the odd-looking Crow that’s standing in the way between her copybook and her.

Is she friends with said Crow? Yes? Maybe? “Friends” sounds a bit strong for their relationship, she’d say; there are no strangers to each other, and she likes sharing a room with him enough to consider them on friendly terms, but they don’t share enough emotional intimacy for them to be friends. At least, that’s how she sees it – maybe he sees it another way.

(Or maybe they’re already friends, and she’s just too afraid of rejection to admit it to herself – better be safe than sorry, even around the most transparent person she knows).

Whatever their relationship is, what Aki knows without much doubt is that Crow isn’t looking like himself. His stance is slouched and unsteady, his hand is holding the doorway just a little too tight for comfort and his eyes look mussed. It’s like his gaze, while explicitly trying to focus on her, is instead looking at something right behind her – as if seeing through her, which is a thought Aki truly has no time to unpack.

“Oh, hi Aki,” he tells her with an indignant wave, head bobbing along with the sway of his hand.

“Goo – good afternoon.”

His smile turns into a puzzled expression, which doesn’t help the impression she’s gotten so far. He looks around, his left eye twitching and his brow furrowed, then looks back at her when it seems like he hasn’t found what he wanted.

“You not hangin’ out with Yusei?”

Aki almost freezes.

“What do you mean?” She asks back, a shiver going down her spine.

Crow’s brow furrows even further, finally pointing her in the direction of the dark rings under his eyes.

“What do you mean, what do you mean? You come here to hang with Yusei, right?”

“He’s… He’s not here, Crow,” her voice staggers against her will. “He’s in Peru with Jack. I just came her to get a copybook I forgot here.”

The reminder, as useless as it should’ve been, seems to have confused him even further.

“Why the fuck would they go to Peru?” Crow asks, anger sipping in his tone. “That’s on the other side of the damn planet!”

He then hacks a lung out, prompting Aki to jump out. It’s harsh, not unlike the coughs she’d get when she was ill as a child and it seemed like the world was melting around her, psychic powers mixing in with the fever – the powers who, like so many people before, have abandoned her.

The silence is too heavy. She can’t let herself falter now. She may be in danger – scratch that, she’s fine, Crow is the one who needs help as far as she’s concerned. They’re friends, or as close as it gets, and she needs to step up now that his foster brothers aren’t here.

“They’re there to follow on a lead Bommer gave them.”

Her heart sinks a little further when all she sees is confusion. In fact, anything she says seems to result in confusion.

“How? That guy’s dead, y’know,” he gulps with a wince. “I know. I watched it happen. And, like, the dead don’t send emails.”

It’s an understandably difficult thing to swallow, she’ll give it to him. To this day, and despite her (former) psychic powers and links to the extrasensory through her Signer’s Mark, she still has little idea how Carly or Misty have managed to rise from the dead. It’s beyond either of their comprehension.

What shouldn’t be for Crow, however, is the whole travel thing. He was there when Yusei and Jack announced they were going. He must’ve been there to fret over them and their budget like Jack likes to complain about. So how come he cannot remember any of this? Why is he so—

“What time is it already?” Crow asks out of the blue.

It takes her aback, but she looks over her phone screen anyway.

“It’s fifteen to six in the evening.”

His face gets splattered in surprise.

“Shit! I’ve got a shift to attend to!”

“What shi—”

His hand lets go of the doorway.

“Sorry to leave this quick, Aki, I’m in a hurry—”

He walks past her, but before he can make it past her, he folds in half into another coughing fit. Fearing the worst, Aki runs to catch him with her arms, the click of her heels almost hiding the harsh sound of his cough. Heat sips through his clothes and through her gloves, ringing the final alarm that finally allows her to deduce what it was that bothered her so much about his appearance.

Despite the audible pain in his breath and the grimace on his face when he moves his arms, Crow still tries rising to his feet on his own. He weakly bats her away with his hands, but he has to lean against the nearest wall to stay upright. It’s an unreal sight, knowing how stubborn and enduring he truly is. Where is the man who was driving with an injured shoulder mere weeks ago?

“Is this shift really that urgent?” She makes no attempt at hiding her ever-growing concern. “You don’t seem like in any state to go to work…”

“What day of the week are we on?” is all he says back to her.

“It’s… Wednesday? Why?”

Crow’s face finally lights up.

“Oh! I’ve got some time ahead of me then.” He chuckles, but it dissolves into a cough, and she can’t keep her grimace to herself. “I thought we were Monday, for some reason?”

“You honestly seem very out of it,” she ends up bluntly stating instead of going along. “I really don’t think you should go work today.” Or tomorrow.

“Can’t afford not to,” he croaks back, but it lacks any sort of sting.

What looks to her like a dizzy spell ends up taking his resolution out, his whole body pitching forward. Once more, almost in rhythm, her body moves on its own as a result, her arms catching him in his fall.

Heat lingers on her hands even after she has finished bringing him to his room.

Unlike most of Team 5Ds, Aki has never had to care for someone else. She has none of Yusei’s instinct for help nor Crow’s experience with dealing with children. Usually, when faced with this sort of situations, she’d entrust the person in need of care to someone with a lot more ease in this domain – as it turns out, most of the time, it’s asking Jack’s childhood friends to handle his problems, much to his protests. As such, she’s never had to play nursemaid before, and nobody has trusted her with such a role until Yusei came along, and for once, she hadn’t wanted that to change (except for Yusei, but this is a situation that’s unrelated to her current predicament).

Whatever she’s used to, unfortunately, is now out of the realm of possibility. The two people she could ask about it on any other occasion where the need could rise up are respectively currently in Peru with terrible reception and too busy refusing to stay in bed for much longer than a minute to give her a precious hand.

And, you know, you don’t usually ask someone who’s sick to take care of themselves, let alone help you in the process.

Very much to her misfortune, this is all without taking into account that Crow is as stubborn as a patient as he is in every other thing. It was to be expected, of course, and Crow is nothing if not stubborn; but it hasn’t made anything easier. If anything, she should’ve seen it coming as soon as he was too beyond himself to know where his housemates were and why.

Still, it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t try her best in this situation. What friend would she be if she left a comrade in need on his own, harmful to himself? (And she craves for empathy, a part of her whispers, the part of her who misses her powers for the bond she enjoyed having with Black Rose).

Despite a losing battle against his own voice and the way his limbs tremble whenever he tries holding himself out of bed, Crow is insisting that, no, he’s fine to go work, and she has no reason to worry, because it’s not his first rodeo… or something along those lines. Admittedly, it’s difficult to understand everything when he’s struggling to push the sentence out of his throat to begin with, let alone articulate his thoughts.

All that ends up doing as a result is annoying her, because this is oh so similar to Yusei but in all the wrong ways, but that’s once more beside the point. She isn’t here to lash out her annoyance at Crow being an idiot, she’s here to make sure he doesn’t die an idiot.

“I’m tellin’ you, I’m fine,” he whines, a hand already back at gripping the edge of the blanket.

“Why are you so insistent on pretending you are?”

(She doubts it’s because of a martyr syndrome like Yusei’s).

“I’m not pretendin’ anythin’. I’m actually fine.”

His voice is feeble, his words tremble out of his mouth.

“Crow, I know you’re not. Please stop making this harder than it has to be.”

He deflates with a single, wheezing sigh.

“It’s Satellite nature, I guess,” he shrugs with a slight smile. “Both Yusei and Jack got it too, y’know.”

“Speaking of Yusei, right now you’re just like him in that regard.” She lets herself sigh. “Pretending like you’re fine when all signs point to the contrary.”

“Yeah, it’s… Y’know, when you were sick in Satellite, unless you had someone to shelter you and cover your back, ‘t was like signin’ your death certificate.” He coughs again, and it keeps dragging on, worsening, and it pangs at her heart every single time. “Guess that never went away, even now.”

“Even for something like a work shift?”

“Especially for a work shift. Do y’know how tight our finances are? Jack sure don’t seem to, that asshole!” A barking cough interrupts him. “Fuck this shit, I could be literally anywhere else but here. Plus…” He turns to her, and despite the evident weariness on his face and in his eyes, his gaze is sharp. “You should be doin’ better things with your time than watching over me, though.”

Aki rises an eyebrow.

“Such as?”

He shrugs again as a response.

“I dunno. Studyin’. Playin’ cards. Drivin’ a D-Wheel. Tryin’ to… sort through what mess that must’ve been for you, these past few weeks.”

The last bit hits her a lot harder than the previous ones. Having to replace Crow in haste due to a mysterious crash, the conflicting sentiment of her first race as a member of Team 5Ds, her own crash, and now, having to grapple with the sudden and unexplained disappearance of her powers… It’s been a lot of turmoil. Too much, in fact.

Despite all of the pain, it’s somewhat heartwarming to have someone genuinely worry for her, even if it tugs at an uncomfortable heartstring. It means she has the company she so desperately looked for and thought to have found in Divine, now truthful and actually what she needed. Yet, she feels uneasy when she has to show vulnerability in front of them, afraid of what they could take advantage of, of hidden intentions that may be hiding beneath a smile. Letting go of her masks has been terrifying, even if it’s the right thing to do.

For the longest time, she could protect herself with her powers. They were her curse, they were her blessing. They made her unlike the others but allowed her to connect with Black Rose and all of her deck. She misses them even now as she’s within the warmth of Team 5Ds; who don’t judge her for them like the others. Who care for her, like Yusei has ever since meeting her, like Crow is at the moment. Even in pain, they care.

The least she can do is pay them back now that gets the chance to. Now that her powers have left her more vulnerable than ever and created a void she can’t seem to fill on her own.

“I’ll be fine not brooding about it for a while,” is all she tells him in response.

Because it’s the truth. Sometimes, letting the dark clouds consume you is worse. It’ll always be worse, no matter how easy it looks.

“You sure? Because watching over an ill guy gets boring real fast.” He gives her a small smile. “I’d know, I’m usually the one doing the watching.”

She replies with a smile of her own.

“A bit of calm would do the both of us some good, I believe, after all that happened.”

He closes his eyes with a deep sigh.

“Can’t go against that, I guess.”

“Take some rest. I’ll be here by the time you wake up.”

It’s not intended to be a lie to make him feel better about sleeping.

“If you’re lookin’ for it, the medicine is in the cabinet in the bathroom. Pretty sure we got the right stuff at least.”

“I’ll go get it.”

That, and a basin of water, and everything she can remember from hazy memories of childhood illnesses.

Yusei once told her to write down thoughts that were confusing to her, as a way to at least alleviate the black clouds in her mind. He helped her pick a cute-looking notebook for it too, just the size of her uniform pockets, red with an embroidered rose on top of it. It seemed too fitting not to pick it, and Yusei seemed even happier about it than she was. She isn’t sure if what she’s writing in it right now makes sense, but it feels nice to have a place where to dump all of the thoughts that’d usually fester and poison her mind nonetheless.

The loss of her powers continues to leave her at a loss. The best way she can describe the feeling is a bittersweet void it’s left behind: she’s finally normal, like she wished for so long when pretending to be a witch, yet now that she is, it’s like this life wasn’t for her. She misses the bond she had with her Monsters, now that she can’t caress Black Rose Dragon like she could for so long. It makes her feel lonelier in a way that’s wrong to her. It’s like she never knew what she actually wanted out of life, out of the world.

Writing down this loss, this void and this coldness is what’s helping her process some of it. It onsets the way the melancholy would’ve taken ahead of her before she met Yusei and the others. It allows her some lookback and to keep her head out of the water until she can find a solution or get used to a new situation. It feels… soothing, at times, despite it just being scribbles on paper.

A hand strangles her arm, her hands lets go of her pen, her notebook falls to the ground.

“What—”

“Who the hell are you?!”

Shaken, she stares back at her assailant – a frazzled-looking Crow, his eyes glazed over and his pupils dilated. His breathing is erratic, coming out in little wheezes, his teeth gritting.

“I…”

Aki has no idea what to do. A stranger attacking her is no surprise, but a friend? Clearly, something is very wrong with Crow, and she has trouble connecting the dots as to why he’s in such a state. Did she not look after him hard enough? Is she just as neglectful as she was when she was isolated and lost, manipulated, used as a weapon? Is this retribution for that, to be forgotten by those she cherishes?

He lets go of her arm, seemingly against his will – it seems like he doesn’t have enough strength left to actually fight her. She can hardly breathe normally, every gasp of air coming quicker than the last, but she has to compose herself back anyway. She’s the one who’s supposed to fix things here, and now, she doesn’t want to destroy anyone further. Perhaps she can still find redemption.

“What’re you doin’ here?!”

Crow’s voice is unsteady, made all the worse by the cough that’s dried it into being hoarse, and his words slur together, making him very difficult to understand. Aki wishes she knew what do say back, but…

“I’m – I’m looking after you,” she explains back, because calming him down seems like a good idea.

He cocks an eyebrow at her, doubt just barely readable in his half-closed eyes.

“Who’re you?”

“I’m Aki. I’m Yusei’s girl… I’m his friend. I’m your friend.”

His hands grab at her shoulders.

“What’s tellin’ me you are, huh?!”

She looks around the room, trying to ignore how uncomfortable the pressure from his knuckles on his shoulders are, and the heat sipping from them almost right into her skin, before finding a sign of reassurance.

“See this basin of water?” She points it with her finger, he follows it to the bottom of the chair where she sits. “It’s mine. I was trying to keep your fever in check.” That sounded like a good idea, at the time. “I’m admittedly… not great at it, unlike you are, but I’m trying.”

His gaze slightly clears up – and then his eyes flutter close and don’t open up, leaving him in her arms once more.

It’s sort of a wake-up call for Aki, as she puts him back to bed. She should’ve kept a keener eye, but instead got lost in thoughts. She was so sure she had done all of the right things already, yet there she is, only realizing after the fact she wasn’t careful by being attacked by a delirious guy who mistook her for the enemy. Talk about failing at the mission you assigned yourself.

She takes off her gloves and puts a hand on his forehead – his fever has gone back up when she wasn’t looking. It makes sense, miserably so. But this is no time to mop for herself, she must be more like Yusei. She must help out her friend even if she has her own issues. She can’t do anything about her powers, but she can do something so Crow doesn’t have to see things that aren’t there.

So she picks up the washcloth that fell onto his lap and twists it cold again, determined to correct her mistakes.

Aki is staring at Crow when he finally opens his eyes again. They’re clear, able to follow the way her hair sways when she backs up from the bed and back into the chair. Her back is trying to make her pay for the unnatural positions she made it endure, but it’ll have to bear through it for a bit. She’s not letting him down now.

“Hey,” he tells her, stifling a cough.

“Glad to see you awake again,” she confesses. “How are you?”

“Erh… Sore. Sick. You know the deal.” He sits up with the help of the headboard of the bed. “How long was I asleep for?”

“I’d say… an hour or so.”

“And you’re still here?” He chuckles, even if it dissolves yet again into a coughing fit. “Gah, forgot how much that sucked.”

“I… I didn’t want to leave you alone like this.”

“Don’t worry, I went through worse. I’m a big bird, I can deal with it on my own.”

The way she’s staring back at him must’ve looked suspicious, because he looks concerned, now, and it’s like cold water seeping through her socks.

“Hey… Did something happen?”

“No, nothing. It’s… it’s not important.”

“Tch, you’re like Yusei. ‘Not important’ my ass.”

“I don’t think I should tell you about it.”

“You’re not makin’ your case any easier. Shoot ahead anyway.”

Aki looks at her hands on her lap, her knuckles almost white. Her skin looks slightly red, especially without her gloves.

“You weren’t yourself earlier,” she manages to get out, “and you thought I was some sort of enemy.”

She can’t bring herself to look up and see what his reaction to that is. Her head’s weighing heavily on her neck.

“Shit, did… I did something to you, right?”

“You… You tried to attack me, yes,” and she realizes how bad that sounds, “but it’s nothing. You weren’t yourself and it wasn’t a big deal. I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound like you are, though… Shit, I’m so sorry, Aki…”

She rises a careful eye, only to see pain distort Crow’s pallid face.

“It shouldn’t have happened,” she replies. “I should’ve done a better job.”

“Hey. Look at me, Aki.”

Hesitantly, she does – and finds no anger, no disappointment in Crow’s eyes, only compassion.

“You didn’t have to put up with my shit, and I was trying to push you away, but you did it anyway. Attacking you was wrong no matter what. You’ve got a lot to deal with at the moment and none of this is me. Don’t beat yourself up for not handlin’ everythin’ perfectly.” He smiles. “So, thanks, Aki. Don’t worry about good ol’ me, I’ll handle myself from now on.”

Silence follows.

“Though I get why you’d doubt that. We don’t really have a good track record when it comes to that stuff, do we.”

“Not really, no,” she manages to chuckle. “But friends need to trust each other.”

“You catch on quick!” He coughs into his elbow. “I’m sure it’s starting to get late, your parents may be worried. You should head home.”

“Can I… Can I stay here for a little longer? At least until Bruno comes back from whatever errand he may be running. I’d… feel better if I knew someone could watch you over.” Like she’d like it if she was as vulnerable as Crow is right now. “It keeps me occupied too.”

He gives her a sympathetic look from which she wants to recoil, but stops herself from doing.

“Make yourself a home, then. Yusei’s bedroom should be available.”

He winks, right in time for her face to warm up.

“Thank you, Crow.”

“If you need an ear to talk to and I ain’t sleepin’, don’t hesitate, okay? I promise I won’t bite your head off this time.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, thanks.”

She doubts she’ll bother him with this when all she’s tried to make him do today was resting, but she very much appreciates the reminder. It’s always nice to know she’s not only accepted, but also cared for by people whose honest intentions she can be sure of.

It’s making her feel welcome, and just for that, she’s more thankful – her and her missing powers, her and her conflicting feelings it, her and her past that she’s just now feeling comfortable with disclosing anything about. Her and the ghost that may continue pursuing her in the future, but which are leaving her mostly unscathed for now.

Perhaps that’s what home is – and it may just take the shape of a friend’s bedroom, or of a garage.

[pettyrevenge-base]

Pull down my pants? Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.

This happened to my mom, not me (which is almost worse).

When my mom was in her 40s, we were taking the bus. A younger guy got on, maybe early 20s? He was sagging his pants real low, nearly under his butt, so you basically see his t shirt, then a lot of boxer, then the pants belted on.

My mom hated that and decided she had the right to try and embarrass him. She yanked on his jeans and pantsed him, causing them to pool at his ankles.

He reacted way more calmly than I would have if that had been done to me. He pulled his pants back up and then yanked on her sweats, causing her pants to fall down.

She was WAY more embarrassed because her underwear was these horrible giant granny panties!

I honestly don’t think she learned anything that day, but props to the guy for such good petty revenge.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[pb-dot]

Thereafter Book 1 Postmortem

I kind of don't like the term Postmortem for posts like these, the vibe feels a bit judge-y, but if the shoe fits I suppose one might as well wear it. I'm now done with writing and releasing book 1 of Thereafter, The City After The End. For the most part I'm happy with it. Unexpectedly happy with it in fact. I don't generally talk up my own writing (Mea Maxima Scriptoris Culpa,) but honestly I think it turned out to have a good little plot considering I pantsed it way harder than I usually do. (Also, here be Thereafter 1 spoilers below the cut. I try to talk around the bigger stuff, but don't say I didn't warn ya)

When writing an introductory story to a fantasy world, like TCATE undoubtedly is, I find it important to strike a balance between introducing the world and the plot and characters. I feel I could have spent a little bit more time at introducing the anarchic world I've created, but this could also be a consequence of the light touch worldbuilding I try to do. The world of Thereafter is young and very centered on survival, but I do feel I've perhaps left a touch too much up to the imagination re: the culture of the city. Humans, after all, can't help themselves from forming cultures and habits no matter how dire things get, and I can't imagine the elves and elephant men are much different in that regard.

There is, however, plenty of time to get into the ways in which culture forms and malforms at a later date. Without getting too much into spoiler levels of detail, a minor plot point in book 2 will get into how a cultural idea of what being a young adult means among Alicia's Steppefolk clashes with the material realities of the world's only fantasy space station. Now is this all part of my medium-term plans to get the status quo where I need it as we move to the finale? Oh of course, ya boy peebs always has the endgame in mind, but it's some fun worldbuilding all the same.

As for characters, I'm very happy with the batch I've made. The Exalted Heroes are fun to write and hopefully equally fun to read about. They're somewhat falling prey to my tendency to nuance my characters into neurotic mulch, but I think I've managed to make them a fun bunch that has a bit of nuance to them. Lex is a mischevious sex gremlin, but also clearly on the top of things in the planning and communication department. Felipe is a testy fuckboy, but also quite loving under the right conditions. Alicia is kind of intense and compulsive, but also very kind and the moral center of the group. Michael, well, Michael is a bit of a mess, but he does try his best. I do feel like I'm kind of underestimating the lad because he's the character who's the most similar to myself for better and also worse.

An important theme in book 1 is failure and disappointment, and I do find those interesting themes to work with. By "interesting" I do mean "very hard and frustrating," but also "actually interesting." I don't love stories where the protagonists just lose, but not as much as I hate stories where the protags do win, but it just doesn't seem to "take" in the status quo, or doesn't really vibe with the setting or what have you. I try to navigate something kind of between these two. It's important to me that our exalted heroes struggle with being heroes, not so much because they're bad or flawed people, although they unmistakably are flawed, but because the question of whether it's at all possible to be a hero, as an unambiguous force for good, in a world where it's deeply ambiguous whether good choices actually exists or not.

My inner anarchist also loves to get into the topic of what power and authority actually means. The Council of Thereafter are a thing mostly on account of their abilities with magic, but as the council knows all too well, magic is not an one-size-fits-all solution even when it does work normally, and the current state of things certainly isn't normal. If anything, failing to get into exactly how magic is acting weird is probably the thing I regret most about book 1. I chose to not focus much on it and basically go "take my word on this, things are fucky wrt magic, we'll get into it once we get into the POV of an actual magic user."

Briefly returning to the Council, it's also a take on the Vague Fantasy Council trope, and an attempt at getting into the politics of what a circle of mages would get up to if placed entirely in charge. It's not the enlightened magical meritocracy one would hope for, for better or worse it's a bunch of academics with only a partial idea about what governing entails, and that shows in the shit they get up to. I feel I am a bit mean to the council, Eltern in particular, but I guess I have a lot of Notes about the "all-knowing quest giving wizard"-style character. It's a very ripe position for bias and the frailties of human perception, is all I'm saying.

So what is next for Thereafter? Well, Alicia is next up with the POV bat, and we're going to take a closer look at the scavenging parties going to the Void Between worlds. Needless to say, something is going to go seriously wrong, and I am going to communicate to you, my dear reader, how fucking terrifying space is. Granted, the Void does pull some punches, in that pressure and radiation won't be a threat for Magic Worldbuilding Reasons, but the absence of gravity and atmosphere is certainly going to be A Challenge. I am excited to share some of the action beats and character drama I'm cooking up, but on the other hand I am noting that I have set myself up to write both a thorny sapphic romance and action setpieces involving complex physics and three-dimensional movement and the various ways these interact. For reasons of my nature I'm not personally familiar with the first, and for reasons of my specific Brain Problems I find the second challenging. I'm still looking for a good way to sketch out the 3D Space Action and save my brain from overclocking itself into pudding, but worst come to worst I'll just make it confusing and scary. Hell, I may make it confusing and scary even if I do know exactly what's going on, confusing and scary can be fun in its own way after all.

I'm also planning to post a bit more about Thereafter, especially during the May-June hiatus. I don't have an artistic (type visual) bone in my body, but in lieu of homemade fanart, I do plan to share some video game characters I've made in my dear blorbos' images, maybe some tag game business too.

Also in closing, by the off-chance that you've read Thereafter Book 1 without subscribing to the newsletter, please do consider subscribing for book 2. Every chapter is available through the archives, and I do not plan on changing that, but since I get no metrics re: pageviews or stuff like that on my buttondown, I do appreciate it when readers do subscribe. You can also subscribe if you don't read, but I don't quite see what you get out of this arrangement.

[321spongebolt]

"The Powerpuff Girls (2013 reboot)" review/rant

(NOTE: Don't read this post if you like the reboot of "The Powerpuff Girls" and find it a guilty pleasure. Even if you just like Steven Universe alone. I can try to respect your opinions. You're still welcome to read the post if you're just curious about the other half of this post.)

On this day, five years after original series ended with "The Powerpuff Girls Rule!", "The Powerpuff Girls" got a reboot for better or worse. Even though we ended up getting "Dance Pantsed" in 2014, this reboot completely changed "The Powerpuff Girls" and not in a good way. The reboot was developed by Rebecca Sugar, who previously worked on "Adventure Time". It's surprising how a show with mixed results wound up becoming successful. Some people like it because of its LGBT representation and other themes "The Powerpuff Girls" never did before. Then there's those like me who hate the show for those reasons. I'm not saying LGBT representation is a bad idea, but to me, it just doesn't work with anything (that is, except "The Loud House", which is understandable, since that show wasn't aimed for children.).

BAD THINGS

Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup were redesigned to look like attractive adult women. They now have fingers and toes, which the original versions of the characters never had. And if that wasn't enough, the original voice talents were replaced with Estelle as Blossom, Michaela Dietz as Bubbles, and Deedee Mango-Hall as Buttercup. To me, they're supposed to be kids made from a lab accident Professor Utonium caused, unless maybe there's a better explanation in terms of how the Powerpuff Girls aged up, but I digress.

This reboot also introduces a new character, Steven Universe, voiced by Zach Callison (who also voiced Prince James in the Playhouse Disney show, "Sofia the First".). This character as a ruby in his bellybutton and he seems to have super powers like fusing with the main characters or even other extraterrestrial beings. Now, adding a new character into the franchise isn't a bad idea, as long as there's a reasonable explanation. To me, it's annoying to see Steven get more of the spotlight than The Powerpuff Girls. I thought he was just a terrible addition to the franchise.

This show also has characters singing a lot, which has actually happened before in the original series (ex. The infamous special, "See Me, Feel Me, Gnomey"), but this was scarce. I'm not even planning to listen to those songs from the reboot at all, but I suppose you could be the judge on if they're good or bad. The original opening and closing themes from the original show don't show up either. All I can say is that I'm okay with the idea of having the characters singing something, but it shouldn't be frequently. This is a superhero cartoon, not a musical cartoon (even though Disney Channel's "Hamster & Gretel" did a better job combining those two genres years later).

You don't even get to hear the narrator in this show, nor is there any narration, which was one of the reasons why the original show is far more superior.

There's also the theatrical film, "Steven Universe: A Powerpuff Girls Movie", but that's an entirely different review for another day.

GOOD THINGS

There's not really a lot of good things that came from this reboot that I could think of, but I guess one positive is that when "The Powerpuff Girls (2013)" made its way into "Lego Dimensions", they decided to combine elements from both "Powerpuff Girls" shows. And while Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup sound a bit off, they at least went back to their original designs from the original show (despite Amanda Leighton voicing Blossom, Kristen Li voicing Bubbles, and Natalie Palamides voicing Buttercup). I guess another good thing is that at least Steven Universe is nowhere to be seen in "Lego Dimensions", depending on whether you like him or not.

CONCLUSION

Rebooting "The Powerpuff Girls" isn't a bad idea on paper, but its execution was a mixed bag. If you think it's okay in its own right, I can respect your opinion. Same thing for those who only watch the reboot for Steven Universe. To me, there's so much more they could've done to make this reboot better. What they should've done is maybe have old "Powerpuff Girls" characters return, as well as their original voice talents. I also would've preferred if this show never had LGBT representation, unless the original creator, Craig McCracken would allow it. Whatever you do, don't waste your time with this show. Watch the original show instead, and maybe "Dance Pantsed", which is fortunately a stand-alone special that has no ties with the reboot at all. If I had to rate this between “Good”, “Bad”, or “Mediocre”, I would have to give this show “Bad”.

Do you too hate "The Powerpuff Girls (2013)", even to this day? Or do you have a different opinion on it? Tell me your thoughts in the comments section and remember to click the heart or reblog this post.

[sideprince]

#REAL#HOW TF DO PEOPLE NOT HATE ON JAMES BC OF THIS

A lot of people - especially when they're young - don't understand that just because you don't see someone's reaction doesn't mean they don't have one. When a kid gets bullied, more often than not they'll do what they can to hide their most vulnerable reactions, which are also the ones that tend to elicit empathy. So onlookers will take the victim's reaction - usually anger - at face value and think that's the only relevant feeling the bullied person has.

Sometimes even if that vulnerable reaction is shown by a victim, onlookers don't know how to handle it. It's deeply uncomfortable to see someone in pain and shed tears; the onlookers' empathy can blocked by their discomfort. When people realize they've participated - even as a bystander - in cruelty against someone, their guilt makes them uncomfortable and if they aren't able to examine this reaction, they'll put up immediate defenses against it, which often include blaming the victim for making them feel this way. So even if the bullied person shows vulnerability, onlookers may prioritize their own need to self-soothe and become defensive instead of empathetic.

Snape is fictional. What happened to him wasn't real and he's set up as an unlikeable character. The goal of this scene was to make the reader question their perception of him as well as of James, but many readers are uncomfortable with that and push back. They might be defending their own feelings and experiences they've had seeing someone being bullied where they did nothing to help. Fiction is a way of processing real life experiences and pushing personal boundaries safely but some people aren't capable of doing that or just not ready to.

I wouldn't be surprised if a good chunk of Marauders stans are bullies themselves in real life and their fandom is an outlet to justify their abuse of others and affirm to themselves an alternate reality, which is necessary to validate their actions.

None of this is an excuse, just an explanation. Ultimately these reactions are self-centered and selfish, but part of growing from childhood into adulthood is to learn how to be less selfish and more empathetic. I think a lot of the people the previous tags are calling out are still in the midst of that process. It takes growth, which often comes with aging, for someone to perceive and check these reactions within themselves and learn in ways that change them. It's good to keep putting posts like this in fandom, because they force people to humanize someone whose humanity they dismissed, and doing this with a fictional character is less scary than in a real life situation, like at school. It also becomes easier for people to deal with this kind of bullying within themselves as their get older, because it becomes much less immediately relevant - it's childish, schoolkid behavior that isn't as aggressive among adults. People may be sharks in their line of work, but you wouldn't see someone pantsing a co-worker in their office. There's a switch that happens where, in middle or high school, bullying like this is scary and has power, but if someone tries to do it as an adult, they're the ones who look foolish and embarrass themselves. So we can assume that most of the people who don't find SWM jarring, or who defend it, are - like the people who act similarly in the book - still teenagers.

Can we just talk abt how humiliated, violated, and helpless snape must’ve felt when James used the jinx on him???? Like wtf poor sev

[designatedloveinterest]

Do u have a masterpost tor the body swap thing it seems really cool and I wanna read it in order thank you 💚💚💚 (I’ve only come across what I think are the two most recent parts but I love it so far)

just for you, here’s all fucking 1759 words that I have now (that is not a whinge at you but I am too terrified to start posting chapters on Ao3 in case the muse leaves me)

Yennefer woke up because something was tickling her nose. She slept in the foetal position as she always did, undisguised by a sympathetic body to wrap around, shutting out the cold uncaring world. Having spent her formative years in a stable, she felt no urgent reason to engage with the tickling. Probably just a lonely harvestman, lost on its way to its web - but by the gods, she would certainly need to get up and piss soon.

~

Jaskier woke up because something was sticking into his ribcage. It was soft and pillowy, but definitely squished uncomfortably against him. He rolled over and found a different something squishing into a different part of his ribcage. His bladder was also starting to complain urgently. The cries that ensued from both parties on waking could be heard across Vengerburg. ~ Familiarity breeds contempt, and hatred is all too frequently a projection of the features in oneself that one despises the most. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that the unlucky recipients of new bodies as mentioned above performed almost identical rituals, in order: 1) poking at their new face, Yennefer scrubbing at her newfound stubble - and crow’s feet - in utter dismay,  Jaskier marveling at his resemblance to a baby’s bottom, and; 2) immediately returning to bed to experiment with their unfamiliar genitalia.

“You boring, boring little man. You talk a big game of entendres and seduction, but you don’t own so much as an egg,” muttered Yennefer, rifling through Jaskier’s things and hoping he owned the room, or at least was paid up. Across town in Yennefer’s apartment, Jaskier was opening jars and bottles and sniffing them, wondering if any of them were safe for personal use.

~ ARGENTUM IBISCUS DI CERIKAN “Sorted!” gloated Jaskier, spotting his very favourite beauty cream in its distinct rifled coffret. Lightly scented with a silky feel, Argentum Ibiscus di Cerikan was safe for delicate body parts, such as, ahem, eyes. Out of sheer habit he dabbed a tiny amount in the corner of each eye then, clutching the bottle, positioned himself in front of Yen’s full length mirror, legs splayed for a perfect combination of watcher and watched.

~

Yen grinned smugly at finding a near-finished bottle of her best-selling beauty potion nestled in Jaskier’s smallclothes like a dirty secret. Whilst the merchants proclaimed its rejuvenation properties, the unspoken benefit was the unique but painless tingling sensation it offered - a benefit the bard was clearly familiar with. She was quite sure he would forgive her for smearing it over three or four of her fingers and applying it deeply.

~

Jaskier collapsed to the ground, gurgling incoherently. “Ba” was all he could manage. “Ba. Ba.” He stared at a loop of silk edging the extremely fine carpet he lay on, hands clutched between his legs, heart pounding like a thunderstorm. How did women not just fucking die from this? Very suddenly, Jaskier understood why women who failed to finish before he did beat and kicked him so savagely.

~

Poor Yen had had to make do with a lousy candle, nowhere near enough width for the beastly pounding she knew the bard could easily withstand. She was also disappointed to find that luxurious living and what felt like a hereditary spinal condition prevented her from being able to get her mouth quite down to her surprisingly generous cock. Still, discovering that the bard had extraordinarily sensitive nipples gave her plenty to work with.

~

He supposed he should leave. No doubt Yennefer would be VERY angry when she woke up in his less than salubrious inn room, and assuming this situation wasn’t entirely her doing, she would be roaring back towards her own home ready to eviscerate him and his newfound appreciation for the clitoris. Not that he hadn’t appreciated it before, but now he REALLY appreciated it. At least six times, just this morning. But her sheets were so fine, and her bed so soft, and the smell of not only lilacs and gooseberries but also roses, freesias, jasmine, frying eggs, donuts, and even horseshit coming in through the high window was wrapping him in a sensuous haze, and he decided that just a few more minutes of sleep would be fi…..

~

Yen, however, was very keen to find out which whoreson had stuck her in this ridiculous furbag’s body, even if it was a rather fun body to play with, and so after a relatively muted three orgasms and an efficient nap she attempted to get dressed. Yen was no stranger to suffering for beauty, and even respected the bard’s commitment, but… what the hell was going on with these shoes? These PANTS?? Eventually she managed to cobble together an outfit from the least ridiculous items in Jaskier’s wardrobe - which for a travelling bard was entirely too large - and arrange her new bits in a less uncomfortable manner. Her first port of call would, indeed, be her own home… 

~

All right, perhaps that was more than a few minutes of sleep. Jaskier grinned smugly to hear the elegant and proud Yennefer’s stomach gurgling like a summer brook. Well, the only decent thing to do would be to feed her! Jaskier felt very, very sure that Yennefer would be so grateful when she found out he’d maintained her refined diet. He fell out of bed and treated himself to a leisurely hour or so of trying on clothes, occasionally yelling at his stomach to shut up and make way for beauty, and settled on a simple all-black ensemble that he felt really emphasised both tits and arse. Patting himself on the bottom for his good taste, he headed out for breakfast. Lunch. Lekfast. Whatever.

~

"What're YEE staring at, cont?" Yennefer, who had barely registered the thug's existence, continued as she normally would - eyes straight ahead, nose not at all in the air but somehow looking as if it was. “Hey! Don’t fuckin’ ignore me you puffed-up prick! A’ll ‘ave ye!” Puffed-up pri—? Oh, of course. Yen had somehow managed to get comfortable in this weird huge bear of a body, and none of her womanly wiles would get her out of this – appeal to his mates, cutting but witty remark, setting on fire as a last resort. She made a cautious gesture in the hope of generating some energy, and of course just looked camp. She hoped this body was any good in a fight.

~

Normally, Jaskier had to muster all the charm he had abundantly at hand to persuade Dragan Smilovic to open The Iron Mountain before noon. Instead, he was slightly miffed to discover a beaming Dragan throwing the doors open to welcome "Lady Yennefer! A honour to my house. The usual?" Curiosity overriding his irritation, he smiled as smugly as he imagined Yen to be and murmured "Of course, Dragan." He swished into the pub and slid into a booth, making sure to really stick his arse out as he did so.

~

This body was not that great in a fight, to be honest, but thankfully, neither was Mr. Sensitivity and after some unpleasant blows to the face Yennefer channelled her first-year Aretuza energy, grabbed her assailant's ears and headbutted him right in the nose. His face exploded with blood and snot and his mates roared, advancing on her for revenge. Yennefer took the win and, using her long muscular legs, ran like all Jaskier's fiancee's were after her.

~

"What... is this, Dragan?" Jaskier had no idea how his face looked, but he felt like it probably resembled this sad assembly of rabbit food masquerading as a meal. The dwarf rattled off a word salad that involved far too little "pork" or "venison" and far too much "emulsion" and "jus" and for fuck's sake "julienne". "Are you trying to kill me? I'll waste away from this." Dragan flinched slightly. "The last time I brought you the house special you threatened to set me on fire." Of course she did. Still, of all the things Dragan could suspect of the sorceress, being occupied by her best frenemy's mind was unlikely to be the first, so Jaskier declined to simply reverse the threat. "Dragan," he reassured the dwarf, "I've given it some thought and I believe that I should be liberated from the tyranny of the 21 inch waist. A hardworking mage requires adequate carbohydrates to maintain one's powers, and as a result, I will require a tankard of the finest Rivian Kriek and one each of your freshest pies. No cats, Dragan, I'll notice." Dragan bowed slightly. "Very good, ma'am," and headed for the kitchen.

~

Yennefer was pleasantly surprised by how well the furbag's lungs were taking all this running. For a man who clearly appreciated carbohydrates in all forms, Jaskier was much fitter than she'd have expected. Even so, she very slightly wished his inn was located somewhat less downhill from her apartment. The thugs had, fortunately, been either too cowardly to follow her into the more upmarket part of town, or perhaps had been intercepted by guards while she sprinted through the textile markets. A few merchants had tried to wave her (realistically, him) down and she huffed "not... today... thanks" and kept sprinting. If she made it home fast enough, he might not have stolen everything not nailed down.

~

Jaskier was disgusted, absolutely disgusted with the lack of endurance this body had for fine carbohydrates. Offered the finest sauerkraut, sausages, pies and pierogies, beautiful homebaked dwarven bread smeared with the finest goat's cheese, not to mention the ales, beers and stouts he KNEW Yennefer loved - why, he was practically buying her a gift! even if it was with her own money - it managed to digest half of a pie and a herring in batter and collapsed like a schoolboy in the third round of Gwent. He unlaced the ribbons at his tiny waist and lay down in the booth. "Why am I dying, Dragan? I haven't eaten in 24 hours. I should be ready to tip an entire banquet table down my waiting gullet. I want a refund." Dragan prickled. "Ma'am, I provided specifically your every request. I - " Jaskier waved dismissively. "I'm joking, Dragan, keep your pants on. Oh gods - " clutching at his spasming stomach - "I want a refund on this miserable, useless body. Except for the boobs. They're quite good. Ooooof." The dwarf clutched his notepad. "Errr... coffee?"

[americahasasuperstar]

OPEN ARMS ( chad meeks-martin )

summary : you’re the only person there for him no matter what, and for that, chad loves you more than words can explain

warnings : swearing, fluff, kissing, mentions of death, somewhat angst?

It was 3 in the morning when he called.

Dealing with Chad and his idiotic behavior wasn’t anything new to you. You came into his life when he was 6 after he and Mindy had teamed up to save you from falling off the monkey bars ( you were only up there because of Mindy tho so honestly, they really didn’t have a choice but to save you ). Ever since then, the twins had been in your life and always a constant bother even though you truly never minded.

Chad was the main one though. He always came to you for the smallest of things, and you never turned him down which is why he never felt as if he needed fro stop. After what had happened in Woodsboro, things had become worse for him. Sure, he always had some issues with nightmares due to petty things like football injuries and getting pantsed in front of the entire student body, but now he could barely sleep anymore and it pained you to see someone you adored with your entire heart struggle in a way that your advise or love couldn’t really help.

When he had called, you weren’t doing anything other than watching Grey’s Anatomy so you were quick to put a pause on your show to see what he needed. When you answered the phone, you immediately could sense that something was wrong with your friend by the quiet yet still audible ( you have good hearing… plus it was dead quiet on both sides ). A part of you hoped that this time, it was one of the times where Chad was just bored and couldn’t sleep and wanted to take you out on a late night drive to talk about random bullshit. Unfortunately, it was a night where he had dream about her.

“You know, she would want you to seek therapy and find a way to cope with her death.” You said, referring to Liv McKenzie. You had never grew close to her during her short time in the group, but you knew her well enough to know that she truly loved Chad and wanted the best for him.

“Therapy doesn’t do a damn thing but point out how I’m fucked up.” Chad scoffed. You could practically hear his eye roll over the phone.

“Maybe find a new one?” You suggested.

“I did. I’m on the phone with her right now.” He said.

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, shaking your head as you reached over and turned your lamp on. “Dr. Y/L/N at your service. Lay it on me.” You told him.

“Uh… well… open your door?” Chad asked you.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you sat up on your couch, looking behind you at the door. “Chad… don’t tell me—“

“Yeah, I’m outside. Open up.” He told you.

You shook your head as you hung up the phone, tossing it on the couch before she got up. You didn’t know why you were surprised. This wasn’t the first time that Chad showed up randomly at night just so he could see you. You always secretly hoped that when you were awake at odd times, you’d get the chance to see Chad. He would just show up and talk to you for hours, never leaving you to yourself which you always appreciated. It made you feel… complete. To have someone that wanted to be around you so much that they went out of to make sure they saw you every time that they could. Maybe it was wrong to feel such a way about someone you considered to be just close friends, but you couldn’t help but feel as if you loved Chad a bit too much. He did so many things that made you feel how you felt. Showing up and spending time with you was one of them.

“You’re lucky I opted to live alone!” You called out, walking over to her door and unlocking it so she could open it.

“Your roommate would fucking hate me if you had one.” Chad chuckled, sniffling as he wiped his wet face.

“Aww. Tears?” You asked, pouting as he walked past you into what he considered to be his home too. And with how much he was in your apartment, it practically his home.

“Nah, the damn rain.” Chad said, shaking his head as he scoffed. “Duh they’re tears, Y/N.”

You bit back a smart remark, instead choosing peace. You closed the door behind him after he came in, and opened your arms for him. “Come here, you big teddy bear.”

He gladly took solace in your arms, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. You could feel how tense he was. It upset you that he barely ever got to be the carefree boy he used to be before the attacks last year. It was fine though. He had you to be there for him whenever he needed some comfort. Like now. You knew he wasn’t going to let go of you, so you just accepted that and started to move backwards towards the couch. You found yourself tripping and falling back onto the couch, giggling softly when he landed on top of you with a barely audible grunt since his face was still buried in your shoulder.

He took some time to find a comfortable position between your leg, while you were already very comfortable. He was very soft. Very warm. Fucking heavy as well, but that wasn’t that bad. “How bad was it this time?” You wondered.

“You know… I see her face every time I close my eyes. And it just hurts so much because… why?” He admitted, letting out a deep sigh as he laid his head on your chest. “Why did she have to die? Why not someone else? I know that’s fucked to say, but I’d rather it be somebody that I didn’t know.”

“I get it. It would hurt way less if it was Neil Booker from trig.” You stated, giggling at your own joke. It was a bit rude, but nobody liked Neil. Not even his own parents.

“Definitely wouldn’t care if that asshole bit it.” Chad chuckled. The humor in the air vanished quickly though. He got sad easily, it was his thing. You didn’t mind. “I just… I feel terrible. I wasn’t there to protect her—“

“You were quite literally fighting for your own life.”

“She was calling my name when she found me. Begging me to wake up. I heard her. I tried to tell her that I was still here. I just wasn’t strong enough. I wish I could’ve said I love you. Or goodbye. Or something.” He admitted.

“She knew you loved her. Trust me, Chad, she knew. You made it clear so many times.” You reassured him. You started to draw circles on his back, hoping that it would comfort him in the same way it did when he did it to you.

“I hope you’re right. I just feel so bad… I truly did love her, you know?” He told you. “She was a great girlfriend. It just sucks that…”

“That what? She isn’t here with us?” You asked him.

Chad took a second to respond, clearing his throat as he lifted himself off of your chest. You furrowed your eyebrows, confused on why he suddenly got up but you didn’t bother to question what he did anymore. “No. That I love someone else now.” He said.

“What?” You scoffed, sitting up as well now. “Why is this the first time I’m hearing about some new girl you have feelings for? Is it that girl Tara rooms with? I hate her honestly, but like, she’s pretty or whatever.” You said.

It was painfully obvious that you had an issue with him having feelings for some other girl. You were jealous, whatever, it wasn’t like it was uncalled for. He treated you like a girlfriend. Took you out to your favorite places in New York randomly. Gifted you things that no friend gifted someone they didn’t like in a romantic way like a ring or a box or chocolates. Showed up at odd hours of the night just to spend time with you. So excuse you if you started to develop feelings for your best friend. You just hoped that he would’ve felt the same way about you though. Maybe it was stupid to think that.

Chad just chuckled and shook his head at you though. You didn’t know why he was doing that, but then that’s when he started to lean closer to you. You felt all the oxygen in the room suddenly vanish and you felt your chest getting tight as he got closer and closer to you. You waited for this moment for years. Why wouldn’t you? Anyone would wish to kiss Chad Meeks-Martin. And here he was, about to grant your wish.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked you, his eyes glued to your glossy lips as he stopped just an inch away from them.

You didn’t bother to give him a verbal response, instead you closed the gap between your lips. Instantly, butterflies erupted in your stomachs as your lips touched. Finally. You felt as if you were in heaven as Chad pulled you closer to him, deepening the kiss by adding tongue. You moaned into his mouth, your hands finding themselves tangled and tugging at his mess of hair. You were struggling to breathe but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to stop kissing him. He tasted like iced coffee and cherry lip balm, a gift from yours truly. And, man, was he a good kisser. Your first kiss with him was everything that you imagined, and more. You hoped he felt the same way though.

When you two finally had to separate for air, you knew for a fact that he was in bliss too. He looked strung out on you, his eyelids hanging low and his cheeks flushed. He couldn’t believe that he finally got to kiss The Y/N Y/L/N. Every boy in Woodsboro would kill to be in his place. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward again, giving her a quick kiss just to savor her taste. He didn’t want to move too fast though. So he controlled himself and just pushed you back down on the couch so he could resume laying down on you until he fell asleep peacefully.

“Thank you so much for being someone I can talk to. It makes me feel safe.” Chad whispered, growing restless as he laid comfortably on your chest.

“Always Chad. I’m always going to be here.” You reassured him. You were still smiling ear to ear. He could hear it in your voice, and it made him smile just as wide.

He hummed peacefully as he closed his eyes. “I love you so much, Y/N. So damn much, you don’t even understand.” He said.

You felt your heart swell up with pride and happiness as you played in his curly hair. He loved you. Chad loved Y/N. “I love you more, Chad.” You smiled.

Just wait until Mindy hears about this.

[willowser]

plotting a fic can be so fun and actually feel so good once you've connected everything but writing it ??? another story all together.

how od you sit down to write i am suffering

oh my honey-dear, if that is not the age old question !! 😭

i think the physical act of writing is the hardest part of the process. which sounds a bit silly when you say it, because — it's literally just sitting down and writing the words out !! but i think shaping an idea for a fic has a lot to do with that, because by the time you've thought over your plot points and developed your characters and figured out your twists and filled in the holes — your idea has, in a way, been perfected. by the time you sit down to write, you are usually at a stage where the idea has undergone change after change, edit after edit, kinda like drafts. but when you sit down to type the words out — that's your first draft of the physical, told story, and it's never how we imagined this final, sculpted vision.

i think that's where a lot of the joy of pantsing comes in, at least for me, because i'm discovering it all as i'm writing it, and so there is no disconnect between the first draft of my idea and the last draft because there is only the one draft. the problem that i often find here though is that i hate re-writing LOL it's a huge motivation killer for me, and the only way to find plot holes or conflict in the writing when pantsing is to actually write it — so then when you find the issue, you have to backtrack. AH BUT ANYWAY.

i think that typing the words isn't the hard part, in the literal sense, it's accepting what you've written. because you can type whatever, easy, into the keyboard, but allowing yourself to accept that it isn't perfect is hard. if i write a sentence two or three times and i can't get it right I WANNA QUIT, but at the same time, editing is my favorite part of the process ?? so you'd think i'd be okay with moving on, knowing i can come back later, but IDK. IDK WHY I'M LIKE THIS.

something i'm really going to work on this year is to just let myself have a shitty first draft. and a second and a third, until i find the words i want to say. and i think giving yourself the grace to do it ugly and then fix it up later is really, really difficult, and that's why writing can be so hard sometimes, because we want to do our best ofc !! but a first draft is better than no draft, i think, because then it can be molded and shaped into exactly what you want it to be 💕✨️

[squarebracket-trickster]

Well, more like a numbered list - with all the events that need to happen in order. Each event is described in paragraph form, in as much detail as I feel is necessary (so I don't forget anything important).

Every event develops the story in at least one way. Either plot happens, or a character learns something or makes a major decision (or a subplot, characterization moment, or bit of foreshadowing etc.).

I'm not really concerned with breaking things into scenes, or trying to make sure every scene does more than one thing. This is just a list of the developments that will get me from beginning to end.

I will also add in everything I want to happen (jokes, worldbuilding, dialogue, fluff, etc.), but I will connect each "want" with a "need". So like, "I want the characters to share a bed (and be Very Mature about it), but I also need them to discuss overthrowing the king. Oh! They can do both at once."

An entry will look something like: 9. To their dismay, there is only one patch of straw in the prison cell. Character A tells Character B to sleep on it, Character B asks, "why? are there rats?" Argument ensues. The dumbasses both end up sleeping on the floor out of stubbornness. Neither can sleep, so they plot how to escape together (very sleep deprived). Character B mentions that they should go try to find Rebel Leader down here before they leave. Character A says no, they will not participate in treason. Character B convinces them eventually - "the king already hates you, why the fuck are you still loyal?" They finally agree to sleep on the straw together because the floor is ouchy. They wake up in each other's arms the next morning and never mention it again.

My outlines aren't hard, and I often don't finish them. But I find that if I start trying to draft without a clear idea of 1. the steps to get from chapter one: establish the norm to the inciting incident (~30% mark) and 2. everything the inciting incident incites that will have to be resolved, I end up just pantsing 10-30k worth of scenes I don't particularly care for, and then I get stuck - I've set up a whole bunch of threads that might be interesting to another writer to explore, but none of them are the story I want to tell; and I have a direction in mind, but I am no closer to getting there. Everyone tells me to "just keep writing! Eventually you'll get unstuck." I think if I don't like the story after 30k I'm not going to, and it's a waste of time.

My outline for WIPVII got me to about the 40% mark, and then I had a clear enough idea of all the threads I needed to follow to get me to the "high point before the 3rd act breakdown" that I left the outline unfinished and pantsed the rest.

--

I've never found any other outlining method useful. I don't need help visualizing story structure or keeping track of plot threads/subplots etc. I will know, for example, that "so-and-so must make x decision in this scene". What I struggle with is figuring out, "how did so-and-so even get into this situation in the first place?" I know what needs to happen, the problem is details, and details require ideas, and generating ideas is the part I get stuck on.

I don't know of any outlining template or technique (or pantsing technique for that matter) in existence that can help with thinking up ideas (other than the good old fashioned "list everything that comes to mind until you find something you like" and "stare at the wall, take a break, scream into the void, kidnap a man a monologue to his terrified screams, wake up in a cold sweat at 3am"). Ideas come when they come, and I'm picky which doesn't help.

So, alas, I hate the planning stage. I hate being stuck, but I'm not really asking for help. I've just kind of accepted that getting stuck is part of my process.

(Oh, and the good news is, after about 4 and a half hours, I got myself unstuck!!)

I hate outlining I hate outlining I hate outlining I have been stuck on the same bullet point for four hours I hate outlining I hate outlining I hate outlining

[orlissa]

April-May Reading Summary

I didn’t do one of these last month, because I barely finished any books in April, but I kinda made up for it in May, so here we go. During this time, I finished seven books, out of which two were read twice because of work. (Which puts me at 28 books so far this year, not counting the double reads.) So, let’s see…

Hannah Grace: Icebreaker This is the one that I’d say shows promise. Generally, I liked the language (there were some witty turn of phrases, especially, for some reason, in the beginning), the characters, and the themes it explored (toxic friendships, gaslighting, anxiety, etc.), but it started out as a Wattpad novel, and you could feel it. Not necessarily in the story itself, but in the structure–to me, it was very clear that it was meant to be read in like weekly installments, and that the author had a setting for the start, and then was just basically pantsing it. The plot catalyst mentioned on the back cover happened basically halfway through. But the author clearly has talent and now she is contracted by an actual publishing house, which she’ll get an actual editor holding her hand, so I expect the second book in the series (which I guess is coming out in the fall?) to be much better in the sense of structure.

Roald Dahl: Revolting Rhymes I knew some of the poems from the collection from before, but I never read the whole thing, so one after noon I just sat down, and, well, I read is (I mean, it took like 20 minutes). It’s lovely. It’s witty. It’s outrageous. (As a cheap pun: it was revolting.) I liked it.

Amélie Wen Zhao: Blood Heir It was kinda like SaB in a sense that 1, it was Russian Empire-inspired 2, there was an oppressed magical minority 3, female lead was a rare and powerful example of this magical minority. And in the beginning, for like the first seventy pages I even thought that it would be good, because the author was working with the idea of the members of this magical minority being forced into indentured servitude/basically slavery, and the system-wide problems, and the female lead–the crown princess of this country, currently on the run because she was framed for her father’s murder–realizing these problems and trying solve them. Only then instead of building the plot, we would go back to inner-monologuing about indentured servitude is bad, do you get it, it’s bad! about every twenty pages, up to the point when it just became annoying. At the same time, the plot was terribly repetitive (the characters would be ambushed, only to escape, only to be ambushed, only to escape…), and the author absolutely failed to establish any character beyond the male and female lead–and even if she did, those characters would be killed off, leaving us with basically zero supporting cast.

Jeff Zentner: Rayne and Delilah’s Midnite Matinee I actually translated one of Zentner’s other book, the Serpent King, a couple of years ago, which I still consider one of the best books I’ve ever worked on. And R&D’s Midnite Matinee was just as good. With a very simple actual plot, Zentner offers the reader a surprisingly emotionally complex story, while breaking our hearts and making us laugh (honestly, this book is ridiculously quotable). Absolutely recommend.

Emma Theriault: Rebel Rose Another one of my translations. Set after Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, this book explores what kind of a ruler Belle would be, while mixing fantasy and real-world history (and holy crap, some parts of it were like an actual history lesson on the French Revolution). It was surprisingly… decent. There were some plot points I did not completely agree with (because at some points identity politics and showing how, and I hate this word by now, woke the author/company is actually went against the plot), and the final showdown could have been a little stronger, but overall I really enjoyed the story, and appreciated the depth it went into French history.

Leigh Bardugo – Dani Pendergast: Demon in the Wood As a goodbye to Book Depository, I placed one last big order, DitW being one of the books I bought (finally!). I actually read it the moment I got my sticky little hands on it, and oh my, I loved it. I still have a vendetta against LB, but I will give credit where credit is due: the nuance in this story, the circle of abuse, Baghra’s terrible and emotionally manipulative parenting… I loved it. Also, kudos to the artist, because it’s beautiful.

Kerri Maniscalco: Kingdom of the Wicked Let me preface this by saying: I bought this book last July. I started reading it last July. And I finished it today. That’s how good bad it was. In my defense, at first it looked like something I’d really enjoy: Sicily in the late 19th century with witches (like religious, pagan witches with actual powers), but the actual book was just… nope. It was boring and repetitive (More than halfway through the book it felt like the POV character was just moving from convo with one person to another convo with another person, without anything else really happening.) By the end I could not keep it straight what was happening (although the fact that it took me ten months to finish it might have had something to with it), but somehow in the last 50 pages or so next to demons we got vampires and werewolves as well? WTF? Definitely not going to read the next book in the series.