#which is fine and mutual actually
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you did NOT ask but i think to the core, part of the dislike between marion and good old francis IS her job. he's seen this bitch a thousand times at the blank institutes for fucking up children. he's naturally distrustful of her. especially seeing her do his own... friend in like he's a child. it makes him question if the straights are ok, but like, unironically.
#he's been whistled AT as a child#do i think there's a mutually theatric sort of fight there sure#social climbing protestants and all of that#but i think innerly francis is actually the character who MOST opposes bunny in that aspect of control#not henry#henry has the same need for control actually and relinquishes it to julian when he thinks it suits the situation#henry is also asparagus if you will#but francis both because of his... nutjob childhood and his homosexuality evades such needs#he is more in control than either of them frankly#but he unlike the two of them is a genuine coward#once again he's been whistled AT#which i think is the root cause of his inner dislike of her#which is fine and mutual actually#i do Play that marion is one of those people that believes in principles and rules and such but when they dont fit it's your fault actually#where the pipeline from strict teacher to straight denial of reality is ingrained into seeing people like francis as a personal failure#rather than a systemic one#anywho the onion really is#top layer - richard's retelling; middle layer - it was probably about charles; core - they'd literally eat each other alive;
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guy whose “extended one-night stand” regularly deploys polish to call a little mouse
#river dipping#theodore doe#echthroi#ts4#ts4 cas#ts4 edit#hi... tumblr terminated my acc. for like two weeks :)#the termination broke a lot of mutuals i think so if that happened know it wasn’t me ✌️#realized when this happened that i didn’t have my oc extras posts backed up :/#which was the thing i was the most upset abt post-termination like. i was agonizinggg#but it’s fine. already started backing up my little rambling oc tags and responses and stuff in a big text document#pretty much the same day i got the account back which… was actually a couple days ago.#avpd. 🧍. you understand.#i barely even freaked out abt this tho. like i maybe got upset three times so everyone look to ME in a crisis i will hold steady.#taurus moon btw#anyway. this was a pre-termination edit i just didn’t post but he’s pretty and i wanted to talk in some tags so!!#originally edited this bc i was missing him#an old screenshot from october i think
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Can’t wait to visit Iraq and just live blog from there. That will be so fun
#My Iraqi girl era will be THE era of all eras#Like ill probably post the same shit but I feel like it’ll be different when im actually in Baghdad and#Living in the culture vs talking about it#It’ll probably get lost in translation bc I have maybe 7-10 Arab mutuals total but idc this is for me#Plus I feel like I center my American identity a lot so it’ll be nice to be in my Iraqi bag idk#I lowkey feel like im too American for some of my relatives and also some of the locals bc I get told I give#“Foreigner vibes” (what)#But I also genuinely think I blend into it seamlessly too like on my last trip it wasn’t a struggle at all#Like I speak Arabic fine and Baghdad feels like home to me even if I wasn’t raised there#Maybe I dress more western idk I was just in jeans and casual tops most of that trip#I did have issues w what clothes to wear but that’s bc I couldn’t wear my regular shit back there which is fine#It was a grwat time overall I miss everyone I miss the capital
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wanted to adapt the google search results a gay woman got in a japanese drama "tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna" which is good btw.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#the most light and gentle version of flirting-like behaviour of all time - a mutual passing thing - a peaceful dance through the long years#a way to work you out.. a way to express something about myself. all these steps are leading up to that beautiful magic#that you read about once. but actually we've been making it all this time... many many steps to this wonderful recipe.#the only non-perfect & non-fated thing about them is that oru is gay but (imo) qif could easily be transfem at any time. don't test him#oru being a woman wouldnt change anything for qif but oru is gay as hell.. However if qif was a woman then it'd be fine anyway no doubt.#oru would give in his membership to the Gay Men's Picnic Club group he goes to and embark on this life instead..many such cases#also i was typing “am i gay” into google when drawing tsukutabe fanart to check what google looks like#and “am i depressed” was the autofill for “am i”. qif's life is like: maybe he would have looked up something like oru did#but he got a bit distracted and started reading about cptsd instead which seemed more pertinent. sometimes childhood goes this way <3#anyway Tsukuritabe..Kinou nani tabeta...And witch hat kitchen.... the trio of gentle silly 30+ gay couple situations..ohh..#orufrey are the combo of those. like tsukutabe they aren't together yet. like kinou nani tabeta they are a long-term couple. beautiful#i will never let go of them. drawing this has cheered me up. they are with me
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Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...
#i'm two seconds away from nuking everything in my queue and drafts out of spite#but i don't feel good about that bc there's innocent collateral#this is tumblr‚ the place you're supposed to fucking share the stuff that your friend's and other people are making#and i get it‚ it's not possible to like and reblog everything here‚ i understand that and i'm not expecting that#it just sucks constantly feeling like no one gives a shit about the stuff you're proud of and put effort into‚ y'know?#there's an entire subsection of this fandom that basically ignores any vper that isn't running modded on pc#which is like half the fucking fandom and i definitely pissed some of those people off just for choosing who i associate with#i've been writing in this fandom for three years now and i still don't feel like i have any fucking writing friends#or a good place to get technical support#the writing associates i do have either don't read anything i write or when they do won't comment for some inexplicable reason#(if you're an author on ao3 you know‚ first hand‚ damn well how much comments mean to authors‚ so what's the deal?)#(if you actually don't like it‚ it's fine‚ don't even touch the kudos button‚ no one has to know you were there)#i'm traumatized from my previous discord experiences and am very reluctant to let people into my circle without vetting them first#even tumblr communities is a struggle for me because it still feels a like a popularity/social influence contest#and i know i'm fucking slow#sue me for having a life outside of the internet and wanting to be mindful and thoughtfully engaged with other people's artwork#i talk to people in the tags#i've been leaving comments on every fic i read now#i'm not expecting people to bend over backwards for me#but fostering community and friendships requires mutual exchange#and it's shitty feeling like you're generosity is constantly being fucking wasted#i'm trying to keep it fun around here but a lot aren't helping with that and this isn't a job for one person#sorry not sorry for the rant but i've been feeling very salty about this as of late#i know the holidays can be stressful and the fandom in general has been slowly shrinking which has probably exacerbated these issues#a lot of folks have moved on#but these issues have always been here and they aren't magically going to go away unless people work on them#i'm not expecting anything i make to break the bank at this point but when your friends won't even put your crappy art on the fridge anymor#like why are we here?#i also don't understand the people who are following me but never interact with anything i make???#rambling into the void
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sadly crawls into the room. hi my sweeties
#i’m still a bit upset abt what happened earlier tbh#idk. i was fine until i saw what that person said about me#which is apparently now a deleted post#i have a screenshot tho cause i wanted to show my sister..#maybe because i was already not Good but what they said just really was very hurtful#it felt like such a low blow and so unnecessary ..#i talked things over with my sister#yeah i was being a little mean but i was just cranky and venting in my own personal space#there really was no reason for that person to say the things they did..#i genuinely wasn’t trying to hurt anyone’s feeling or anything i was just really cranky#and i do feel like i should be able to be a little bit of a bitch sometimes in my own personal space !#i feel kind of embarrassed cause im worried i pissed off some of my mutuals i actually like#not that bitch tho. they vague posted abt me before when i was having a breakdown and called me crazy and a red flag#maybe i am the problem maybe they’re projecting i don’t know#but i just want everyone to know im never actually trying to be mean and if i ever do upset someone pls just talk to me about it#like an adult ;-;#snow.txt
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Okay somebody should have mentioned that booping on mobile can lag out your whole dash :( I updated my app for this and I hate updating apps :( things are arranged differently and I’ll have to get used to that AND one in every idk twelve boops I have to quit the app and start over?
I’m now the person mentioning it. If you’re going in you should have all of the information.
#won’t stop me from booping every available username as I scroll down the dash#hopefully this is just a booping problem and not an app version problem#or I will have to stop using tumblr and thus become completely divorced from internet goings-on#which would be fine I guess#but still annoying to sacrifice my comfort of an older and familiar version of an app for an impulse trend and have it be disappointing#having the little tag next to mutuals in my notifications is nice though. I never have any actual clue who I’m mutuals with#but what the fuck is communities
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folks not to use tumblr as my personal diary where I overshare things but im jumping to conclusions I'm slightly unprepared to deal with as a result of someone's discord status
#hey mutuals what does it mean if someone puts#🧑🤝🧑#and then the song lyric “the whole of it is ours to make” from logic of colour by wye oak which seems from the lyrics to be a love song#its not too bad tbh if it means what i think it does and i think given some time to process this as a concept I'll be fine about it#really hope the person im talking about doesnt use her tumblr any more lmao#was opening a discord DM from a friend and theres some feature where people's status and the emoji they attach to it appear really big at#the top of the screen#so i was like wait what IS this?!#i rlly need to get round to actually giving myself time to make art#personal
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Drew myself a tiny B-day gift.
Her name is Cootie and she is a werefox (a fox who sometimes put on a human disguise)
#it's a long running meme among my twitter mutuals that I am a nonhuman being and actually am some sort of a weird cryptid#a faerie in a form of a fox will do just fine#on each level except physical I am a wolf *woof*#looking forward to becoming your sleep paralysis demon too#yes I have a fursona#I am too old to give a single f about what people think or say#i may be cringe but at least i am free#furry#anthro#anthro fox#corsac fox#I have two sides and one is a mysanthropic vixen and the second one is a non-binary harlequin which is making fun of everything
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actually let's be honest here. If this site ever goes down you won't be able to sense my nebulous tumblr presence in smelling flowers. we will be able to commune on some metaphysical level when you experience that distinct "uh oh!" feeling any time you accidentally spread badly attributed out of context quotes on any platform though.
#1st is a very clearly not serious joke framing of the text read as actual serious interpretation for some reason despite the emojis#2nd was a throwaway quote post shared for the amusement of 2 very specific mutuals. no translator mentioned or anything and now#it has reached that level where there are fandom tags on it. rip lmao#not even thinking about the rest...sorreey#this blog doesnt have many followers which is why i keep thinking sloppy sharing is fine and then.#and then!!!!
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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does anyone else feel like they need to Make Fan Content That Is Also Good And Interesting in order to make/keep internet friends so as to be worth other people’s time
#the internet is one big networking tool#genuine question because like. i know it’s unhealthy but i also feel like that’s kind of the economy created by the internet#i’m not advocating it and i’m also not trying to be self-deprecating#i was never great at art and i haven’t posted anything i’ve written in like 5 years#like for example. i put off making a dragon age blog for a while bc i don’t Do anything. even now that ive made it i feel like i don’t have#a leg to stand on to talk to my mutuals. we are always competing for attention on the internet#i’ve known a few people where like. i thought we were actual friends and not just fandom colleagues but i always felt like i had fo Prove I#Was Talented to keep them interested and like. again not healthy but i’m wondering how common that is#maybe that is just fandom colleague behavior and i misread the situation but uh#also to be clear i’m not trying to like. blame anyone or victimize myself#i’m mostly curious because i have seen people talk about how making friends on the internet is so much easier and i’m wondering#where that idea came from. bc i still think it’s hard. but i wonder if it’s easier if you’re one already posting Original And Interesting#Content. i mostly just make memes and meta at this point and it doesn’t get a lot of attention. which is fine#i’ve just found it markedly harder to meet people since i switched tacks#one of the reasons i burned out tbh. among other things. i’ve been picking writing up again but i don’t post anymore#honestly realizing this has probably bitten me in the ass before bc i’ve had friends who share stuff they’re proud of and i don’t jump on it#bc to me i’m trying to be like ‘you don’t have to prove yourself to me. i like you as a person’#but probably comes off like ‘i don’t care about the things you care about’. hm#mine
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IM BEING SO SERIOUS THERE IS NO GREATER JOY AFTER A DAY OF HARDSHIPS TO JUST FLOP IN MY BED AND TURN ON THE HEATING BLANKET AND HOLD V0LO PLUSH IN MY ARMS 😵💫 anyway here's a hot pic of him MY gf drew for ME you can look at it though
#💫.txt#💫.jpg#gift4me#self ship#yeah my valentines day was trash btw but i mean it got better at the end#I HAD 3 QUIZZES IN UNI TODAY ONE OF WHICH WENT REAL BAD BUT ITS FINE ....#BUT IT MEANS I WAS STUDYING INSTEAD OF PREPPING ANY SELF SHIP STUFF YESTERDAY/TODAY#i didn't make a promo either because actually lately i just don't trust anyone to genuinely respect our relationship#like ppl will be like omggg i hate doubles >_< then interact with doubles of their mutual who also hates doubles#TRUST ISSUES!! I HAVE THEM!!!!!!#sorry i ranted on accident im eating dinner in my bed at 1am
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top/bottom discourse is fascinating to me because i think pretty much everyone gets themselves sorted into a little niche where everyone is shipping the same way but its not like, necessarily the same way you personally ship. it's easy to forget that fandom is extremely self-selecting AND that you don't always self-select people with the exact same opinions as you.
#every time i do a little seme/uke poll its seme L sweep but i actually think it would be different if someone else ran one ghfjlhgf#there's about an equal distribution on ao3 & there's more stuff tagged top!light than top!L this year by about like 30 works#not like. clean stats or anything bc i think people tend to tag more for stuff thats niche#or which they perceive as niche#like i don't generally bother to tag top!L bc its so much more common amongst my personal mutuals that it feels redundant#but like it does kind of seem to be 50/50#THIS IS NOT A VAGUEPOST this is inspired by 'kyo writing like 5 different top!light fics for dnkinktober'#is there discourse ongoing right now. i wouldn't know bc everyone with ship-based dnis has me blocked due to those polls ghkjhgf#this is fine btw 'annoys me' is a good reason to block
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Rare good day with the teeny terror! He was lower energy bc he was a bit constipated which meant he was actually talking and listening to me (somewhat)
#he did piss all over his floor and soak me with the shower but whatever thats fine#also got my fave boy to say goblin which is an absolite win in my book#helped that i was working with one of his main staff tho#whos actjally really fuckin good and does the research#like. its shockingly rare in here that ill actually respect staffs thoughts on autism and how it works#but her i absolutely do and i think its mutual bc i actually fucking listen
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Having to scroll through a character tag to find cute fanart but in the process being exposed to the worst takes known to humanity
#y’all haven’t actually read a Gwenpool comic and it shows#you’re jumping on the bandwagon because of atsv#which is fine but do the required reading please#it’s not hard she’s a very easy character to get into#no one understands her like I do#me and my one Gwenpool mutual against the world#not trying to gatekeep y’all are just wrong
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