#which is at the same time really cool and really sad
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imaginethisisagoodname ¡ 3 days ago
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Here is a collection of random thoughts I got and don’t know what to do with (this is very long becuase I have a lot of thoughts)
• I know Kyborg has really bad hygiene and even in a modern AU it still would’ve been really bad, but I feel like it wouldn’t have been bad because he was just like a dude who didn’t like deodorant but because he was depressed since his family died(and he probably would’ve just had depression) and a lot of the time (from what I’ve seen) people who are depressed tend to let their hygiene slip away (I don’t know where I was going with this)
• *spoilers for Barts and sorta gum gums arc* Inku seemed like the only one of the big 4 that the interns were really scared of, like Kyborg was angry at Quadron, Mudd didn’t really think a lot about Suldge and Entropa seemed like more of a thing that they knew that they had to face, but they just seemed so scared of Inku and just like they really didn’t think they could defeat her and weren’t making as many jokes about it because they were actually worried which feels like a cool distinction that I can’t make sense of.
• sorta adding to my Kyborg thing, but I feel like he would have issues sleeping or even just sitting in silence/doing nothing because he would have really scary thoughts that made him stressed and sad so he would just try to block new thoughts from coming into his brain by just always having sound on and always doing something and he would either stay awake at night thinking about horrible things or just never sleep and always keep his brain busy until he literally passes out. (Also he would hate silence becuase that give his brain the opportunity to make bad thoughts)
• Second part to this is that i feel like in a modern AU this would translate to him always having headphones on and just blasting music to keep thoughts out of his head
• One really interesting difference between Kyborg and Mudd to me is that they’re both depressed and Mudd is suicidal because he doesn’t care about what’s going to happen if he dies and he really has nothing left to live for, and Kyborgs also depressed but no matter what he wants to stay alive because he has to stay alive becuase if he dies the he wasted his moms life.
• Mudd would totaly love baking and I feel like he would bake because he couldn’t sleep and didn’t have anything else to do
• And Brink would just randomly be a really good baker who like made cookies for the town and hosted bake sales
•Also I think Kyborg would try to bake becuase he was jealous of Mudd and Brink but would decide to go off recipe and just make the most horrific thing ever, like he would end up making lemon bars that were soggy on the bottom, but the lemon curd had the same texture as hard putty and then when people asked, would say that he just wanted to make them a bit more spongey or something
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onestrangechild ¡ 3 days ago
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What your fav Legion says about you, from some nerd on an app
Ultramarines:
I like to think of you guys like Glock owners. Yes, on paper, you guys are the least creative but that means you guys are the most reliable. Guilliman was probably the best primarch to come back to the setting because he was the most stable, and it shows in his marines, who don’t have trauma for the sake of plot. You admire the other legions, but it’s the no nonsense approach they bring to battle that you respect the most.
For honor and glory.
Blood Angels:
You think Vampires are dope as Fuck, and you’re right. Your favorite TV show is probably season 1 of Netflix’s Castlevania (same) or HELLSING, and play the Vampire Counts in the Total War Warhammer games. You go into a seething rage at the merest mention of the WarMaster, and probably wanna rip Erebus’s hearts out and lay them before sanguinius’s feet. You’re probably a bit annoyed with people hiding their gear from you because they think you’re a Blood Raven, but you’ll forgive them in time.
Dark angels:
You think Medieval Knights are dope as Fuck, and you’re right. You dig the chivalry and honor they embody at all times, think dark green and gold looks drippy (it does), and think the Lion is an absolute badass (he is). You also probably grieved for what the honored 1st could’ve been before GW wrote them to all be paranoid douchebags, and can’t wait for the returned Lion to make some changes around his legion. Also, you’re extremely tone deaf, please learn to read the room yall
Salamanders:
OUT OF THE FIRE, AND UNTO THE ANVIL!
Whilst I’m more of a Blood Angel or Iron Hand myself, I have Immense respect for the sons of Vulkan. You think blacksmithing is cool as fuck and probably watch clips of Forged in Fire, or any of the various Blacksmith YouTubers there are. You also think Fire is cool, and think that Astartes should be nicer to Guardsmen in lore.
Imperial Fists:
As an Iron Warrior simp, suck my toes you Imperial Favorite. Now that that’s out of the way, the Imperial Fists is an entire legion of Engineers including you (probably). You think Emotions only make Simple things Complex and thus think as logically as life will let you, fair enough. Youre as tired of the “Imperial Fists are as cold as their home world” about as much as you are of Perturabo’s complaining, miss your genefather, and can feel the happy chemicals SURGING in your brain looking upon a reinforced defense manned by soldiers who’s only concern is holding the line.
Iron Hand:
As an Iron Hand myself, I know the “daddy issues” joke is fruit hanging lower than Ferrus Manus’s head rolling around on the floor, so I won’t. You’re a lot like an Imperial Fist, critically logical and as stalwart as Iron, but unlike imperial fists you’re allowed to have a personality! Unfortunately that Personality is tempered by a healthy dose of Trauma! Your hatred for the Emperor’s Children is just as violent as the Blood Angels and the Sons of Horus, and you pray Fulgrim gets a model so you can personally shoot him in the mouth.
White Scars:
You’re a vehicle guy, and you like going Fast. You also have a great appreciation for cultures like Feudal Japan, Ancient China, Mongolia, etc. idk what else to put here since I’ve never really… looked into their lore… (-(
Raven Guard:
You’re a quiet person, maybe you’re emo/punk, maybe you like dressing up gothic, but you’re definitely the quiet type. Whether that’s social anxiety or just a person of few words doesn’t matter too much, you vibe with the sad raven boys cuz they’re badasses. Unfortunately I cannot take those beaked helmets seriously.
Space Wolves:
I heard an explanation that I agree with once. You guys have such a rich history, a badass primarch that’s probably gonna return (eventually), and a very well developed Viking aesthetic that Is appreciated by those willing to dig into it… but to everyone on the outside you’re just a furry. And it’s kinda tragic…
Anyways, this is all just my opinion which means obviously this is Fact and should be Definitely taken as such
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onejellyfishplease ¡ 1 year ago
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I can't believe I haven't asked yet, but may I join the Mosquitello cult? (Also is it ok to send this many asks?)
You??? In the Mosquitello cult???
Please!! you practically made the thing!
i mean,,, look at this:
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That's your name up there is it not? the catalyst for the first utterance of the cults name?
Forget just 'joining the cult', you're a High Priestess now!
Boom. it's done.
This is you now
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Introducing the High Priestess of the Cult of Mosquitello! Lamps!!!
you have the glowy-est necklace short of Mosquitello himself! (id say you found a pretty good lamp)
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starry-bi-sky ¡ 5 months ago
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Names, Marbles, and Fae-vors - More Lore on my Changeling Danny Au
In my last post I talked about the Infinite Realms and the three different planes existing inside it - the Long Far, Home to the Ancients and Celestial Beings. The Fey Wilds, Home of the Fey and other such Mythological Constructs. And the Ghost Zone, Home to the Mortal Spirits. - as well as three of the different ways beings inside the Infinite Realms can travel between planes; the Lake Portals, the Cave Tunnels, and the Starflare Currents. The Lake Portals and the Cave Tunnels don't have an official term for them yet, but I'll come up with something :).
In this post we'll be talking about some of the abilities of the fey! Specifically the things they're most popularly known for: their name stealing and etiquette thing.
For those who are not as well-versed in Fey Lore, or need a refresher, (and because I just want to yap infodump), one of the first rules you learn when interacting with the Fey is that you never, ever, say "thank you" or "I'm sorry" to them! Which is crazy, because they're really big on etiquette and being polite to each other, which is why one of their epithets is "the Good Neighbor/s". So why should you not say two phrases most commonly used when being polite to someone?
There are two big reasons for this, and the reason I'll be focusing on for this au is because, to the Fey, saying "Thank You" is acknowledgement of a debt that's owed to them. It turns the action or gift into something transactional, and results in a verbal contract that the receiver must then repay later down the line -- and whatever point in time, and with whatever the Fey they are indebted to sees fit. Whether that be food, valuables, or your firstborn child.
The other big reason is because some Fey just think it's rude, and view "thank you" as something that dilutes their act of kindness, and/or implies that they are there to serve you. One of the best summarizations I've seen for fey is that they're bros; they're doing this because they think you're friends -- or something similar to the sort. It's deeply insulting to do all these nice things for a friend, only for that friend to reveal that they don't view you the same way at all.
It's for similar reasons that you also shouldn't say, "I'm sorry" either, except instead of repaying a gift, you are now making reparations for a wrong you have done. A misdeed must be repaid in full, now how are you going to make it up to them? And also because well, I imagine that if saying "thank you" is seen as rude, "I'm sorry" is the exact same way because it dilutes the act.
If you're in a situation where you must say "thank you" or "i'm sorry" there are ways to get around it. "I'm grateful", "you're too kind", "I apologize", or "I feel regret" are just some examples I saw used.
NOW! How is this used in my Changeling AU? The Fey work by these same rules, the only difference is that I've added a physical aspect to it! If Fey are capable of stealing the abstract and turning the incorporeal corporeal, then lets run with it!
"Thank Yous" and "I'm Sorrys" are debts, and Fey can magically bound you into a verbal contract with that alone. However, it's not uncommon -- and actually pretty standard -- for Fey to weave the excess magic of that debt into something physical. They create these delicate-looking, iridescent threads that they then weave into their hair for decoration. And in some areas of the Fey Wilds, use it as a way to show off wealth and/or their own wit.
Ever heard of Fairy Hair? Yeah, same concept.
Debt Threads, as I am temporarily calling them, are thin and airy, and not that much thicker than gossamer. Since it's a debt that is intended to eventually be paid back, it's not practical -- nor is it seen as such -- to use the threads for anything more than temporary cosmetics. As a result, they're usually used for decorating the hair, but some crafty fey use their threads to decorate other appendages, or as form of makeup. Despite their dainty appearance, the threads are actually very sturdy and can only be unweaved by the Fey that created it.
You can, technically, take back your debt thread. However, the threads are made using excess magic of the debt, and not made of the magic of the debt itself, which is why it's so thin and airy. So if you do manage to get it, congrats! All you've got is some pretty string and a pissed off feyrie whose hair you probably just yanked out.
Danny's managed to accrue a few "debts" before he realizes he's a fey, mostly from his friends and sister -- although there are a few from his parents, and some from the other student body from when he was unknowingly and instinctually doing Fey Bullshit. As a result, he starts forcing Sam and Tucker and Jazz to stop thanking him for things, and typically makes them repay him through petty, menial stuff. Like getting him food, or buying him a small but relatively inexpensive trinket he's been eyeing for a while. Never usually anything super important - it's his own way of apologizing for indebting them to him in the first place.
As for his parents... well, he'll hold onto those debts for now. Having a way to magically get them off his back with no questions asked is a boon he's pretty willing to keep close to his chest, and no amount of persuasion will convince him otherwise. Sorry Jazz, Fey side wins out on this one. As for some of the students he's got, Danny manages to psych himself up and release some of them from their contracts without repayment -- even if it makes his bones itch.
AND NOW THE NAMES! You never give a Fey your name because they say everything literally. "Can I have your name?" is a literal question -- they are asking for your name, and thus ownership over you. The other thing is that Names have power, if a fey knows your Full Name they can make you do things for them -- however it goes both ways so you could do the same thing if you learn a Fey's name.
Knowing a Name and owning a Name are two different things, with owning a Name being, naturally, more dangerous as you are basically submitting yourself to permanent indentured servitude, among other things. Knowing a Name can be risky because it results in being more susceptible to fey charms, enchantments, and requests.
But! I digress! Just like how Thank Yous and I'm Sorrys can be turned into a physical object, so can Names! This is not obligatory, nor is it recommended to do often because unlike debt threads, these can be taken back, but it happens!
Names can be trapped in these little, colorful glass-like orbs -- marbles, they're marbles/pearls. They can be trapped in what are basically magic marbles, and just like debt threads, be used for decoration. They're more versatile though, and are used for different things since unlike debt threads, the pearls are meant to be permanent! They make beautiful jewelry, since the pearls come in various different colors depending on the person it once belonged to, and the intent behind its creation.
The marbles have a hard outer shell, with the cores having a fluid, shimmery appearance. Look up liquid core dice, and Name Marbles have a similar appearance, just more... ethereal, with different shades of the same color swirling inside. Not two pearls look the same, and even ones that have similar colors or appearances have subtle differences in them that are imperceptible to the mortal eye. Some pearls look like the deepest trenches of the ocean, blacks and dark blues swirling around each other as flecks of bioluminescence float inside. While others look like a lilac winter sunset, with hand-held purples bleeding into pink and gold.
Convincing Danny to return the Names he's gotten is harder than convincing him to absolve the debts. It takes a lot more psyching up on his part to actually do it, and more verbal coaxing and negotiating on his friends' part. Because on an instinctual fey level, those names are rightfully his. For all intents and purposes, he was given those names freely and without reservation, and so to be told that he has to return what were essentially gifts to him is... deeply distressing.
Lots of cognitive dissonance there. His human-raised brain and morals know why he needs to give them back, and he feels bad for owning them. But his new changeling-baby fey-brain is deeply upset at the prospect, and is a liittle bit stronger than the once-human part of him. He rapidly becomes overwhelmed when trying to convince himself to return the Names. He does, eventually, end up doing it, but he's unwillingly upset the whole time.
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hello-god-its-me-sara ¡ 1 year ago
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I think Peter’s a camera nerd, I like when he’s actually into photography and not just taking selfies for the bugle
I like the idea of Harry being a little shit and hiring Peter for OsCorp press shoots and other stuff like that
I like the idea that Peter has a standard Nikon or Cannon (or both) and that the dork saves up for lenses and that Harry will buy him camera stuff as gifts
I like it when he has an Instagram just for his pictures bc of course he does
I like the idea that he just loves taking pictures of everything and Harry loves it and thinks it’s adorable that Peter has a million picture of park squirrels and wood stumps because they’re just so interesting to photograph Harry
And he loves his DCLRs but he’s also a pretentious film nerd
Just
✨Peter and cameras✨
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taraxacum-vulpes ¡ 2 months ago
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why is everyone pretending like cyberpunk edgerunners is good. the writing is so bad i hate it
#i'm rewatching it for the third time 😋#i remember seeing a post i think from demilypyro abt how 2077 was a shitty game that everyone forgot how bad it was because of the anime#and the anime is terrible#all of the reviews online call the ending sad but it's literally just 🧍‍♂️ okay so. big whoop.#which would've been great for like to explore the futility of doing jack shit in this world bc it can be taken from you like that#they did a good job of this in the first 6 episodes before the timeskip#but the timeskip ruins everything#and u have to balance how unsatisfying that kind of thing is w the reality of that's just how it is#but NO#it's SAD because EVERYONE DIED#we didn't get a chance to slow down with the characters and get an update post timeskip#and the timeskip negates everything interesting about lucy (my fave 4evr)#and it changes her from a strong independent character that's scary good at her job because she was a lab baby and trained since birth and#an archetype of character i like in cyberpunk (a character that looks sexy without sexualising themself or getting sexualized by others)#(and in context most people wear something similarly revealing regardless of gender or presentation and modesty is the outlier)#wait i take that back she does flirt with david in her introduction scene. but i think it was done tastefully to show that she's confident#in herself and her abilities. and not in like an i'm hot do what i want way. we see her in the same episode being genuine and vulnerable#on multiple occasions. and then it reveals she was just buying time for her group to ambush him#she's a really interesting and cool character guys i swear#but the timeskip takes that and turns her into a stay at home expecting mother damsel in distress wanting to settle down and start a family#and the domesticity is so disturbing bc its like. i guess she wants to leave the edgerunner life behind to live on the moon.#BUT THAT'S SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THEY DID HERE#she doesn't pass the bechdel test anymore suddenly. who is she#they mischaracterised my blorbo so bad#it's like their writing budget got slashed mid show.
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hazelcephalopod ¡ 10 months ago
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Tbh. I am itching for a Circle of the Crimson Mirror trailer drop.
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cinnabeat ¡ 5 months ago
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im having emotions abt vanitas again
#id be so sad if he doesnt show up in kh4#or SOMETHING#still manifesting sora streli vani trio in kh4#like trust me itll totally happen#tbh thats like my fantasy dream team#like that would be REALLY COOL if it happened but it likely wouldnt cuz three keyblade wielders in your party is Not It#they refuse to put a keyblade weilder in ur party in literally every game they wont do it now#unless youre playing as fucking#riku or aqua? cuz i think they usually party up with mickey when you play them?? i think thats the only instance but like obvs an outlier#gotta give the rat screentime SOMEhow#that trio probably wont happen hut im still manifesting vani showing up in quadratun#please it would be sooooo good#i literally dont know where you could take his story after kh3 tbh#im still mad abt kh3 actually like how they treated his character#although that might be a case of like the vanitas in my head not matching the vanitas in canon#idk that requjres thinking and deep introspection of how i view vanitas as a character and if that matches up with canon#which is a lot of thinking i dont want to do <3#i think my original beef was with the time travel aspect of vanitas coming back which makes like literally all his screen time null and void#in regards to how it affects himself#how his actions affect wveryone else still matters bc it still happens but the rules of time travel mean vanitas himself is still the same a#as bbs vani. but whatever#thatd be so funny if vani IS in kh4 and sora pops up like oh hey vanitas :) abd vanitas is like who the FUCK are you#please take this all with a grain if salt i havent thought abt kh3 in so long probably misremembering my vanitas lore#ANYWAYS the point i was trying to get to is that the sora/streli/vani trio is my fantasy dream team but what i really want kh4 to be like na#narratively speaking i need kh4 to be the lonliest fucking game in the world#i need sora to be by himself going thru the workds meeting new people and gaining new connections but no ones really by his side#i need sora to really marinate in being alone for the first time in like. how long has it been. like 12/13 years????#i need hin to learn to stand up for himself or something. i just need him to be lonely as fuck and that means no party members#that doesnt keep up with the numbered title game formats but its ok#michi tag
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obnoxiousarcade ¡ 5 months ago
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im thinking again
#ive been dealt the bad hand; the worse hand; the hand from the arm from the body#im just.....okay#Well aaaa its weird#nothing anyone says to me is to *me*#which is fair-- no one knows me. but i do wish i got it. i dont know#the passing of time is still my worst enemy#i love everyone so much. itssssssweird.#if youre following these posts and saw the last one: i think i am still gonna die soon. awwh man. i dunno#but i have no reason to go on truthfully and i dont feel like finding one#im tired and sad OK?#i do want an acknowledgement again#and if you're following these posts im going to do the same thing i did last time and talk to the three tumblr blogs:#1. hi. i really like you. i admit it. j think youre really cool and all. uh okay im supposed to ask a question so here; how are you? well i#hope. k dont know. i havent been reading up like i should be and as for the second blog im talking to here i also havent been reading up lik#e i should im very sorry. i will make that journal again though.#and third blog: hi!! i still have no clue how to do that one thing but youve really gotten me into the hypothetical idea of differences base#f off of like ...area. the thing you said about that one thing.! i javwnt been doing much about it but thinkin but you know thinkin is fun.#i do want to do reading on it but ive been very sad lately and i cannot be bothered#this is really fun talking to people like this. um#youre very cool blog one ive been becoming a big fan of you again#blog two.if you see this: i want you-- I'm sayin that to specify that I'm talking to you. but i dont. anyway: uh. oh no i forgot what i was#gonna say#okay here's to not talking to anyone particular:#i want to do drugs. its the only way ill be able to handle all this.but i... oh hey i have melatonin!!#hmmmmmm#idk#it just puts me to sleep and i hate sleeping cause im always having bad dreams-- both nightmares and just dreams that Suck-- but...... im#desperate.#okay im gonna take a normal dose and just keep it together i hope#I hate sleeping
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aria0fgold ¡ 1 year ago
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I thiiink I processed a bit of my thoughts bout OFF but like, my mind was blown so there isn't much in it. One thing bout it though is that I really love the music in this game, like I be jamming to the battle music it sound so cool and catchy and it's actually stuck in my head. I also love the puzzles in the game, it's not too hard and it's also so nice to do! (I say that but I brute forced at least 2 puzzles. The puzzles right before Zone 1 and Zone 2's bosses... Trial and error even though the key to the puzzle was Right in the area but lazy in I don't wanna go back to look).
Also I love how, even if the game doesn't seem like much, it was hella enjoyable for me, must be cuz of the music. Like, I'd walk around so much finding a bunch of stuff and then battles happen with some banger music and it honestly felt like I just played that game for like a hour even though it was way more than that. Like, I really really enjoyed it.
For the story of the game... I have no idea what story is supposed to be there. But throughout it, whenever the Batter purifies a zone I start doubting if it's the right thing cuz everything looks so... lifeless... Like yeah sure, the spectres are also pretty bad and killing the poor Elsens, also doesn't help how Dedan makes the poor guys so stressed too but I was thinking if there was at least another way than just purifying everything but I'm stuck with the Batter. By the end the Judge saying that I'm the puppeteer but honestly I felt like more of the puppet for some reason.
I'm stuck with the Batter my guy, I won't proceed at all unless I do things that aligns with the Batter's mission. And in either endings, it's all bad in a way that, what's done is done. Choosing the Judge doesn't reverse anything, the world is completely lifeless and "purified," so in the end it's better to just keep being with the Batter and finish what we started. Which is pretty cool cuz I kept wondering Why was the game called OFF and then seeing the Batter ending and I'm like: OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH (it was the first thing that blew my mind).
Like, I feel like this game's story got A Lot of stuff for me to know (Time to read through what everyone's theories are. I'm not really good with those so I always enjoy reading everyone else's). Like, the thing that I kiiinda get is that there's a lonely child who doesn't like his dad and prefers his mom but the mom doesn't even visit him much. He made 3 friends which he turned into guardians of the zones, and a mom regarded as the Queen. And then there's Batter which I feel like was based off of Boxxer in that comic that the kid was given to by his dad. And like, gestures vaguely, yeah, it's neat :D (my train of thought broke I don't remember what I was going with that).
#ariaplays#ariaplays: OFF#wai do i still use those tags for the final thoughts posts or no????? welp im using em in this post now#like this game is hella good its like reaaaally good but i cant say How good cuz im speechless#like i actually really like how the characters know theres a player#but at the same time it feels like that part is crucial in knowing the full story#also zacharie constantly breaking the fourth wall. like thanks dude. glad to be reminded that im playing a video game#but also thats crazy to be reminded im playing a video game through a video game character#also so funny how i went to the wiki and saw mention of a character called Sugar but i never got to meet her#which im kinda glad cuz ion wanna make zacharie sad cuz the batter killed her. im no completionist thank goodness#also like thats another thing. the batter decides when and where i can flee from a fight. which is fair. a common mechanic but#really makes it seem like hes more in control of everything than i am despite literally controlling his body#oh and the designs in this game are sooo horrifying yet soo cool#the most distressed ive been is during the bird boss fight cuz can you PLEASE let go of valerie's body alrdy hes dead#yet hes still hanging onto the birds head please shake his body off and let him rest#seeing and hearing the judge meowing loudly in the rooftop after that boss fight for his brother like maaaaannnn... pain...#anyway id like to say that i literally get attached to anything easily and i very much so like the add-on alpha. its my buddy now.#its been with me since the start of the journey. my favourite add-on...
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theheadlessgroom ¡ 1 year ago
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@beatingheart-bride
"I think that's more than enough raspberries for me!" Dorian laughed, quite liking this solution-the raspberry in the center would make for a pleasant surprise when the cake was sliced into, and the blueberry frosting, a lovely pale blue shade, made for a lovely, picture-perfect cake, with the blueberry and raspberry garnishes topping them a welcome addition.
(What a shame they wouldn't actually get to eat any of it!)
"But is it enough blueberry for you, my dear?" he asked her teasingly, enjoying the game they'd made of this, bantering back and forth with one another, their banter (however platonic it was at heart) seeming much more romantic to those around them-they must've looked like the sweetest pair of lovebirds in all of New Orleans to everyone (oh, if only they knew)!
He had to say, Emily was an excellent actress in her own right; she made a great show of appearing as the happiest bride in all the South, a performance everyone was falling for, hook, line, and sinker! He couldn't have asked for a better co-star in this endeavor, his smile genuine as he made a note to compliment her on her performance later...
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buckleydiazmp4 ¡ 1 year ago
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it's tag venting time
#i've had this friendship. of like. 5 years#and well#we used to be really really close#and in hindsight i guees it was because we literally saw each other for 8 hours straight every day of the week#and then that stopped happening#i literally haven't seen this person in about a year and a half i think? maybe more?#despite the fact that we basically live walking distance from each other. which. already says a lot#but then there's also a bigger issue. because hey i get it we're both busy ppl it's okay if qe haven't seen each other in a while#(despite the fact that in this case it is because of a lack of trying -i like to believe not on my part- but ignoring that)#we text sporadically when we have something to let off our chest so it's like this back and forth of voice notes every week or so#but lately its has turned into them sending me groups of 5-minute voice notes at a time because their life is so. so dramatic#and like. hey if this were still like a mutual communication i would enjoy it because i am indeed a good listener#and i like to believe i guve good advice. and i used to give this person good advice like. it was a nice friendship back then#but it became so one-sided as in i received info dumps and vents about the same stuff over and over and the few times i talked about myself#i received some half-hearted dismissals like. oh cool or oh that's so sad. anyways. and then we went back to talking about them.#and it was so frustrating but at first i thought well if they're gonna use me as a venting device so will i despite getting no input like#they became a void to me which i was getting gradually accustomed to it was fine. but then today they asked if i could talk on the phone#i said yes because i wanted to prove my theory. the plan was: i answer#let them talk without offering any input whatsoever. see how long they can just talk and talk and then in the end see if my lack of answer-#-elicited any reaction at all. and unsurprisingly it didn't. i waited for them to finish and then i thought#well at least they might ask me how my day was or something just to confirm i was listening like idk but#i personally would find the quiet unsettling and would ask.but they didn't even do that. asked me if i had homework i said yes. that was it#that was IT!!! i felt so frustrating but at least i was entirely correct and it does hurt to lose a friend but this had been coming#for a long long time. the thing is though i cant just cut this person off#i hate confrontation so all i cant do is keep up this sort of a 'quiet quitting' kind of attitude. pretty easy to do with someone like this#so anyway. that's how you realize a friendship is fake and now i am a bit angry and also sad. but i guess i'll deal with it and move on#if you read all this hi and sorry for the venting. i just had to get it off my chest#vent post
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szczylpierdolony ¡ 2 years ago
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wish i had the type of depression where you party and do drugs and look sad in cinematic settings rather than the one where i never leave the house barely shower and lose any remnants of a personality ive left
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clonewarsahsoka ¡ 1 year ago
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OH YEAH HERES THE STUFF I GOT ON THE WEEKEND (plus a closer pic to try and deal with the glare)
#im soo excited to put them on my walls but im visiting family now so i have to wait until September OTL#THE KNT STUFFFFF 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕#THE MAKOTO AND FUTABA LOOK SO SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE SQUARE ANN AND HARU ARE DOUBLE SIDED AND THE BACK SIDE IS BLACK AND WHITE WITH THEIR MASKS ON ITS SO COOL#WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH#the haikyuu sticker was a gift from a lady hanfing out stickers to cosplayers on the first day#and the howl and sophie keychain was a gift from my bf who bought it for me <3333#i couldve gotten so much more but we literally ran out of time (good and SAD)#there was a celty poster that i really wanted that was just her chest up with her sythe across the top and the quote#'because the world is not a cruel as you think' in the middle WHICH IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SICK#there was also a place selling xc3 pins of the main group but i dont really want pins so i didnt get any but i totally couldve gotten a mio#i ALSO wanted to get fire emblem stuff but idk#there was a sylvain piece that was good a byleth piece that was good and a marianne at the same stall there was also a bunch of good dimitri#but i wanted CLAUDE AND ALL THE CLAUDES LOOKED GOOFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#there was also a bunch of sick edelgards but i dont want edelgard stuff#i also wouldve died for an ashe but there was NOTHING#I ALSO WANTED A TOGA POSTERRRRRRR BUT I FORGOT WHEN WE WERE BUYING STUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF *DIES*#whatever i like the bnha girlies print i got <3#i wouldve loved a dabi or todoroki too but i didnt see any that stood out (that a like a couple dabis looked sick)#i think its very interesting that 90% of whaf i got and wanted was video game and not anime at this anime convention#if not video game then girl (character) or shojo LOL
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inmirova ¡ 1 year ago
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feels like the universe (trans people I follow on tumblr dot com) is telling me I should get into tf2 again to spite my ex who tried to convince me playing it meant I was apparently cool with white supremacy somehow
#realizing im the regular amount of insane ive always been and ive just been gaslit into believing im extra insane and unlovable is crazy#what do you MEAN my last delusional episode was over 3 years ago and not like. last december?#what do you mean my professional diagnoses have stayed the same and im not worse worse worse infecting everyone around me??#i can't do it because it would actually be very mean and bitchy of me but i think it would be so funny if i messaged them erev yom kippur#like 'i know you dont celebrate but i wanted to say before the day of atonement that i forgive you and im grateful you left'#dont worry about the thousands of dollars you owe me because id rather not hear from you ever again. im sure you already werent worrying tho#seeing as you havent made any effort to pay it back at all :^) just keep the furniture as a reminder of the time you uhhh.#broke a glass and told me i ruined your life because i was sad a family member died#also it was really cool how you left me and then gave me a ring and then kissed me even though i didnt want to. normal behavior!#glad you finally got a job now that you cant just use my money anymore. crazy how that works isnt it?#ugh i feel evil rn. just thinking about how happy i could be if i didnt respond to their message like i was thinking i shouldnt years ago#i guess i cant be sure. everything would be different. but i wouldnt have been so specifically manipulated by them and id have more money#which would be helpful for like. medical stuff#id still be on psych meds which would be nice bc i do feel like im on an eroding cliffside rn
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dystopyx-blog ¡ 4 months ago
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Stuck in TWST without meds
and also they're yandere or something
@shironakuronatasa here you go pookie <3
Because everyone is different, I'm gonna be focusing on the meds I take and the things I experience! If you're inspired to write one of your own based on your types of meds, go for it! I'd love to see others' takes on this :3
I'm still writing in 2nd person, but you/mc is heavily based off of me!
(And if you still want a personalized one but don't want to write it, my commissions are open/hj)
Tw for one mention of suicidal ideation.
Imagine...
You don't quite have a clusterfuck of things going on in your head, but sometimes it can feel like it. Autism, Anxiety, depression, and ADD. Thankfully, you have access to medication, and they work well for you.
Although you can't keep the downward spiraling from the depression and anxiety away completely, it is far more manageable with your medication. You've found that when off them, you are far more prone to completely fall apart at even the slightest inconvenience. It feels like constant stormy waters, with stormclouds that only make the waves worse. But when on them, the storm disappears. Yes, the waves still get rocky and tip your boat from side to side, but you're emotionally stable enough to handle them.
Then the meds for your ADD. With them you have the razor sharp focus to not only take care of projects and work, but also to simply take care of yourself. When off of those, even simple tasks like taking out the trash can take hours, especially since you so easily forget steps, and will stop the chore in the middle, genuinely thinking it's complete.
But you have your meds, so you manage just fine.
Until you're sucked into Twisted Wonderland.
First of all, even if you had already taken the meds for anxiety/depression, there's not much they could do in the face of being transported and consequently trapped in a different dimension. But they do still help, and instead of bawling, you manage to keep a cool (enough) head and get yourself settled into Ramshackle.
But they don't last you long. They had built up in your system enough to last you a few days, but time and circumstances were not on your side.
Even though Grim is by no means an emotional support pet, and is by all means a little shit, he manages to push his pride aside when he can tell you really need it.
Especially the days where you wonder if death is what will bring you back home...
Grim will act as if he helps you for his own purposes, but he is genuinely there for you.
The others, however...
First of all, quite a few of them don't completely understand... you're extra sad and spacey, but you had some kind of magic to help with it back home, but you don't have them here, and without them you get... sad and spacey?
Riddle probably sees it as some pathetic excuse. It's not until after his overblot that his tune completely changes and he is giving you all the special treatment. Even if you mess up on purpose, even if it's something that really frustrates him, he'll justify it as you not knowing any better. Which is patronizing as hell.
Ace will use it to his advantage. Getting into trouble and having you take the brunt. And you play along with it, because, again, Riddle is treating you like an incompetent child, so you are all for raising Cain with Ace. What Ace really loves about this, though, is that it makes you more willing to hang out with him, and more likely to dislike Riddle.
I imagine Deuce has something going as well, though I don't quite know what, and neither does he. But he finds a kindred spirit in you. Study sessions with him are a MUST, and you share your different study and coping tactics, while he stares at your lovely face.
Trey relishes in caring for you. If you're having any kind of sudden increase in stress or sorrow, he is fucking there. He will scoop you up and take you to the kitchen and treat you with his home baked goodies right then and there. Same with your academics, if you need help with academics, it's to the kitchen for tutoring. And as bad as it is, he finds himself wishing you'd give in and lean on him completely.
Leona will also be there for you in depressive episodes. He sees how you always go to Grim when your upset, notices the little things that Grimm does that helps, and starts subtly using them whenever you're upset. Not even just if it's depression/anxiety related, if you're upset with him specifically he'll start purring in that low register that has your heart slowing. He'll rest his body on your chest as a weighted blanket. He'll let you pet him and comb through his hair. All until all you associate Leona with is safety and comfort–as you should from a mate.
Ruggie is SUCH a little meanie at first! Specifically regarding your ADD. Once he sees how much it genuinely upsets you, though, he'll back off. He does have a manipulative streak, though, and will use your anxiety against you. Any way he can get you to distrust others and seek him out is a good way.
Jack is one who does not fuckin understand at first, but once he does, he's supportive. He asks if there's anyway he can help and you offhandedly tell him about emotional support dogs, and he is locked on. He's embarrassed by it at first, of course, but he can tell how safe it makes you feel, and like Leona he is completely fucking for that. Though he won't just be emotional support, no, he'll be the guard dog chasing away anything that could possibly trigger you.
School is very difficult for you without your ADD meds. You can manage, but it is far more stressful and difficult than it needs to be. So, of course, you have those generously offering to help you–specifically Azul, who's more than willing to help... at a price, of course.
Floyd really likes when you daze off in class... When you're staring blankly, mind thinking about so many things except whatever the professor is droning on about. The way your eyes glaze over, the way you're so focused on whatever the fuck is going on in your head, the way your lips part ever so slightly... All your idle habits are endlessly entrancing to him. And, goes without saying, every single time you're especially depressed, he offers a good squeeze session.
Jade, the manipulative bastard, will purposely set you up for failure so that you feel like you need to go to him for help. Because lord knows Azul will make you pay for it, but not your good friend Jade. Plus, if you ever mention how hiking can help with mood, lord save your soul...
Jamil is such a DICK. He will be degrading you at every second, completely taking over whatever it is you try to do. Even if it has nothing to do with him. God, you remind him of Kalim, but at least you don't have the nerve to be so fucking happy all the time. A sick part of him likes when you're sad. You're less annoying when you're depressed, specifically, without little energy or motivation to do or be anything else. He'd happily take care of you then. He'll do whatever you need done. You'd probably do it wrong anyway.
Kalim feels so fucking seen and understood. He honestly felt like some kind of freak for so much of his life, but you... you're kinda like him! A lot sadder though. Your very existence brightens his life, so he's made it his mission to brighten yours. He also really can't stand it when you're with others. It's so obvious you two are meant for each other! He views your shared ADD symptoms as evidence of soulmateship.
Vil is another case of not fully understanding. You're making excuses. Until he takes it a bit too far, pushes even more than what you can handle, and you fully break down in front of him. You're so completely and utterly vulnerable in that moment. He doesn't know if it's a very dedicated manipulation tactic to get out of his nitpicking, but... he becomes a little more sympathetic with you. Vil recognizes that, for whatever reason, you do in fact seem to struggle more with certain things. And yet, despite that, you still try. You continue push yourself, even if what youre pushing towards is, by other people's standards, the norm/mediocrity/minimum. And in you he starts to see a bit of himself. Especially since, let's face it, with depression, anxiety, and add, it is very likely you relate more to Vil than you do Niege. He helps you, and in turn you help him, though you don't even realize it. Helping you be happier with yourself helps him be happy with himself. And he'll fucking slaughter anyone who takes you away from him.
Rook, like Vil, is easily able to recognize how much you not only struggle, but how much you try. And he finds that incredibly beautiful. Needless to say, he is often watching you. Everything you do is enchanting. He memorizes every. single. stim. and habit. Sometimes when you get frustrated, he just wants to scoop you up in his arms and shower you in kisses, but then you'd realize he broke into your room...
Epel will see how much you get pushed around, and takes it upon himself to defend you. He also sees a bit of himself in you. Sometimes he purposely waits around you, and at the first sign of trouble, he'll attack.
Sometimes you just get too fucking overstimulated and you need a break. And in those times, you've found Idia to be the best person to go to. You both started off pretty distant. You approached him, upset, and asked for a quiet place. You put in headphones and just laid down right there. The two of you just sat in silence, with headphones in, doing your own things, blocking out the world. And, oh, how Idia came to crave those moments. He began to depend on you for comfort, ans hoping that you would similarly come to depend on him. You're different from those other normies, you're the only one who gets him so please just stay with him! He will start to modify his room to be the perfect sensory room, the only place in the school you can go to fully regulate yourself. He starts going out with you, acting as if you're really helping him step out of his shell, when really he just wants to spend more time with you, and will continue to shy away from everyone else and hide behind you. This man desperately needs you to need him as desperately as he needs you.
You are so. Fucking. Cute. Malleus finds your every single quirk so fucking attractive. He doesnt like, however, seeing you so upset. So sad. And the kind of sad where he is helpless to help you. He also really doesn't like it when you're upset at yourself. Don't you realize you're perfect? And who cares if you're not good at any of the school stuff? Malleus doesn't. You don't need any of those skills anyway, with Malleus Draconia here to always take care of you.
if you want the rest of diasomnia or the secret character I subtly didn't include lmk
part two out now!!
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