#which is another reason. I like talking on tumblr instead of twt

[punkiio]

Sorry for so much Fallout talk when this is technically my art blog... I just need to talk about it with more ppl and I find it easiest to have discussions on here compared to twt since I had rant without the character limit

[collectorcookie]

fandom/game vent

tw: csa

Uuugghgggh. Idk why but nothing feels right lately.

On one hand, the enstars fixation died down A LOT. Great for my bank account tbh, i don't wanna spend another cent on gacha games. My brain is free🎉🎉🎉

And rather than feeling this pressure of "omg i must grind new events and get new cards" or "omg there are so many event stories i missed out on" or "i must grind every single new song on all difficulty levels for dia" i just. Don't do that anymore lol. I actually just play the songs whenever i actually feel like playing any and i read only the stories that actually interest me. Which definitely aren't a lot tbh. (still waiting on that knights climax tl) but yeah i'm basically reading 0 stuff from engstars.

So if you wanna break free from a gacha game sucking your soul, I think the reason why the enstars fixation died down so much for me is a combination of

burning myself out trying to get cards

getting bluetooth headphones (which basically make it impossible to play the game with headphones)

turning the BP game notification off

Engstars TLs getting worse than fan TLs

Obviously i still have basic but since i can't read japanese, i can't stress myself over reading new stories because i can't read anything at all. Yaaaay. I have evolved into a casual player.

Now. On the other hand. The new fixation. My beloved wizards. Mahoyaku.

I'm gonna be so honest, i kinda hate it here.

Don't get me wrong, i love the game, i love the story, i love the characters. But the fans. The fans man.

Like with enstars fandom, i started out with tumblr, and sure, i had to occasionally block some people and filter out some stuff, but that was it. That was enough for me to be able to chill and actually be comfortable in the enstars fandom space on tumblr.

Now, there are basically no mhyk fans on tumblr. Ok fine. Guess i'll go on twitter instead. So i made a twt account.

I truly cannot explain to you how much i should not have done that.

Like, ok, LOTS MORE fanart which is great. Fantastic. Lovely. However, a lot of proshippers. Many many proshippers. Like i do not have that much experience in fandom spaces in the first place but i swear the amount of proshippers is disproportionately large in mhyk fandom, on twt at least.

Ok another warning for talk about csa if you somehow didn't catch the one above

I think it's obvious from my blog here alone how much i like northfam, especially Snow and White. To be so honest, Snow and White were the biggest hesitation for me to NOT get into mhyk because we all know the "child looking character is actually over 2000 y.o." is NEVER handled well in fiction. Well, i ended up reading mhyk anyways, and to my relief, s&w's child forms do not get sexualized ever. Thank god.

But like mentioned before, this is not the case for the fandom. Not only do i always end up finding people shipping s&w together, but also many other of my faves, like oz and arthur (foster father and son) or mitile and figaro (student and teacher). Which i do not want to see ever, and the thing with twt is, you can't tag and filter stuff like on here. And even after being on twt for...idk how many months, i STILL end up seeing stuff i would like to stay 4869761093 lightyears away from.

I've been trying to do everything, from blocking to muting words to clicking the three dots on each individual post i don't want to see for the "please don't show me stuff like this". AND IT STILL HAPPENS.

Idk man...as a csa survivor myself it feels so hopeless...like is it really worth it here if i'll just keep finding stuff that triggers me? Is it worth meeting new people and constantly being on edge if this new fan thinks being proship is ok?

I really did like making fanart for fandom purposes, it made me draw a lot more, but between my dying interest in enstars and mhyk fandom thinking the stuff that has and will put me in therapy for decades is hot. I don't feel like interacting with fandom that much anymore ngl....and that makes me genuinely sad. Idk maybe this is a depressive episode that will go away but i feel so tired for now....hobbies are supposed to be fun....

[little-den]

A Tumblr exclusive! A little not so little description of the angsty Au/Scenario i have for Gin (OLBA MC) because i needed to share it somewhere ✨

It revived the itch to write it thanks to this poem i found in Tiktok

and it started with the time that Twt mentioned some OL reset Aus and this song a lot of time ago

A bit of context hahaha

Well in the moment i started this Au it was popular the reset theory, and what if we replayed and Cove remembers and such, but What if it was MC?

Also while playing the game there is a lot of mentions that how a couple of decisions could make it where some characters would never met.

In all of that there is two talks i like to focus, first one is in the moment Happines where Cove take us to see a play and how the MC and him would try to find each other if they have another chance in life or end up in another world.

The second one is in the Wedding DLC, Cliff talks about how his luckiest card was to move to Sunset Bird. So this raised the question "What if he wasn't that lucky and chosen other place instead?"

Now with my MC:

Gin is a wedding photographer, one of the main reasons she choose this path is beacause she highly values memories and she belives that they are an important part of what makes a person.

Finally to the point:

It's the night of Cove and Gin's wedding day and she is reflecting about the day until she falls sleep. She wakes up and see that she is in her moms house and they look younger, she is 8 years old again.

Everything she lived was a dream? No, it can't be it felt so real to be just a dream, she can remember it so clearly.

She notices is the same date that Cove and Cliff moved to Sunset Bird. She can see them again especially Cove. She goes about her day doing the closest thing to what she did the first time, planning to recreate all those moments that they had together.

The afternoon arrives and she is so excited going home hoping to see them aging just to arrive to no one in her front of her house. She thought "Maybe i just mixed up the dates, after all it was 15 years ago for me", so she repeated the same rutine all the week, just to go back and still nothing, just the same for sale sign.

She started to get worried and thought what she could do having the promise to find each other if they had another chance in life in the back of her head, until she remembered "Cliff's shop", if she could convince her moms to take her there.

But this idea had a lot of problems, first give her moms a good reason to take her there, if she could accomplish that, maybe Cove wouldn't be there, is was rare that him tagged along the first years, then what would her tell to Cliff so it wasn't weird and allowed to meet him. Worse case scenario the shop wasn't there at all.

It took her years to convince her moms to go around the area, thanks to her don't wanting to tell them about her past life, what if they don't believe her or tell her that it was just a dream, she couldn't bear the possibilities.

But she confirmed the shop existed but shyness got the better of her and couldn't talk with Cliff. Her best shot was wait for a day that Cove was there.

The way she could go more often to the store, was thanks to Elizabeth, if one of her outings with her friends was around the area, Gin would tag along and stay in the docks and Elizabeth would pick her up when she was done. This cost her obviously all of her desserts for at least one year, a small price to see Cove again.

The excuse she always used was that she liked to see the boats at the dock. Which was credible since she had a time in the past where she only wore sailor suits and nautical theme stuff.

Until one summer day when she was 15, it finally happend she encountered Cove and better yet Derek too. Two friends at the same time!, she can keep her promi It was easy to know that Derek would be the first to approach her.

She was fast friends with Derek, but it was a lot harder to aproach Cove, he acted different from what she remembered, it was a lot colder in contrast the warm boy she knew. Also it didn't help her case that she was acting as if she knew them all of their life and too friendly, so similar to his first encounter with Baxter in the past life, thing that she didn't noticed.

Derek convinced Cove somehow to spend more time with Gin, her neighborhood was more close to the beach that the one Cove was currently living and had a lot of less people around. So they started going to Sunset Bird more often.

Last point Gin's Cove is warm and between studious and mixed, and after the reset is cold and sporty.

But it's wasn't the same, Cove attitude was diferrent, as if he wasn't exactly the same person she knew, in the overall was the same but her discomfort was in the little details, how reacted in some situations, some of his likes were different, etc...

There were moments that she lived with him in her past life and in this life but the outcome was most of the time not as she remembered and wanted. Maybe with some time she could feel different and ignore these details.

With time passing the feelings of both of them slowly changed, he started to fell in love with her. He was comfortable in her presence, he felt that she knew him quite well, that she was someone he was meant to meet.

But her feelings only got worse, her memories of this time and the past started clashing. He wasn't the same guy she grew up with, the one she started dating that summer when they were 13, the one she proposed to as soon as they could legally get married.

Although they were both so similar, they were not the same person. She believes that the moments that one lives in one's life mark them. Both of them were different and it is something that weighed on Gin's mind. Also she noticed how this Cove loved her.

She liked this Cove a lot, but not to the point to love him or even to be romantically interested in him. She loved the one that was her husband, so it was a bit more painful the fact that she could not reciprocate his feelings but it was at lost of what she could do.

That's all, i even started writing it in super detail in the past but i just left it, is just like the mini introduccion

Also as a treat another OL ansgty mini story i writed and shared in twt but not here

[astersofthesky]

I decided to reread the MHA LN Chapter 4, you know, the canon bkdk angsty slow-burn fanfic 😌😌 Spreading the BKDK LN agenda because WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MORE !!

Anyway, I FOUND ANOTHER TRANSLATION but sadly OP haven't finished it yet 😢

And since I need an emotional outlet so I can scream at how they're so canon, Im'ma do it here ahwjdhfjsh 👀✨

Warning: Long post; potential manga spoilers

– I forgot that this chapter literally started with the angst 😭 Deku saying that he can't imagine having lunch with Kacchan is like a pain in the gut. He just wanna be friends with his Kacchan again 😢

– One word, ✨SOULMATES ✨ afshshahah PLS, even the universe can't help but ship them together 😩✋ they're fruityness is on whole a new level I CAN'T 💚🧡

– I see what you're doing Bakugou 👀 You really can't leave your sweet broccoli behind huh?? Also, crybaby Macchan and aggressive Takkun?? 🤔 Do I need to say more? 🧐

– If that's not flirting then idk what is 🤷 also, "In front of my soba? Really?" (Todoroki, probably)

– There's no ss but I just wanna give a special mention to jealous!Bakugou. No cos srsly, implying you're not friends with Deku as if you're not dying to hold his hand then getting irritated over Todoroki claiming the "friend" card 😩 Just, Bakugou, don't @ me ☺️💢

– The angst had reached full force it seems ಥ‿ಥ The line was cut but it actually says "Not friends, just childhood friends" 😭😭 and I am telling you Im'ma throw my brand new book when Bakugou explicitly acknowledges Midoriya as his boyfriend. Because before they were rivals, Bakugou and Midoriya were first friends. And I'm not saying that they aren't one now because we as readers, can definitely see they care for each other. But the question is, do they already see the other as a friend and not just a mere rival? They don't cos they're boyfriends your honor

– Tbh, It still haven't sinked in that this is kind of canon 🤧 This is such a cliched romantic scene like wtf?? So what's next? The full moon is illuminating half of Bakugou's face, red eyes glowing and face soft from the natural white luminescence or something sappy like that?? 😩😩 I love it

– Izuku in this LN chapter whenever he talks about Bkg: ✨ THEIR RELATIONSHIP ✨

– I know, I get it. You don't have to shove it my face every single time Deku 😌 and pls, why are you still flirting at the middle of the night?? Or was it pining that I see 🤔 i mean comparing each other to their kid parallels 😕 hmm a severe case of mutual pining indeed

– Yes yes, of course you're only looking for food stalls Mr. Bakugou "Tsundere" Katsuki, I completely don't believe that you're worried about the kids. No! of course not! Who says you want the kids to reconcile so they wouldn't experience the pain that you and a certain green had gone through?? Hahaha I mean It's not like they're your parallel what??hmmm no no, go on, look for takoyaki or smthn ☺️☺️

– Wait, did the last part say '"Bakugou grabbed Izuku's face and pushed it away..." Aksfksjdhdisjs what in the actual gay fanfic is this??!! Or wait, is this what Bkg usually do to Deku in the official art he's like, I love agressively gripping your head as I entangle my fingers on your soft curls but no homo💀

Since OP's translation isn't complete, I'm going to use Lau Ren's translation and yes I'm continuing this shit even though Tumblr mobile only lets me post 10 pics per post

– Bkdk domesticity with children pt. 95736 💚🧡 They love kids so much 😩 Yk I'd donate my kidney just to see this ANIMATED ✨ like this has so much fluff potential 🤧 Or at the very least a drama CD. I'd ascend 😭

– WHAT THE FUDGE ?!! I'M SCREAMING 😭 I SAY IT AGAIN 💞 SOULMATES✨ and pls, it has my favorite fic trope, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings. Anyway, I need a minute to collect myself cos I can't move past the "With the said person himself nearby, Kacchan thought his fate had gone crazy" ( ≧Д≦) dammit Katsuki, why r u so gay. Izuku loves you, you emotionally constipated gremlin

I have reached my 10 picture limit so I'm just gonna copy paste some of the twts 💀 I hope I don't get in trouble lmao Xd

- Kacchan fixed his gaze to Deku who looked relieved. "He..."

- Somehow, Kacchan remembered the fight they had after All Might's retirement. It was the first time they were able to let out their conflicts sincerely. Although his fear towards Deku had decreased since then, there was still a feeling of disgust about Deku being a hero who save others residing in Kacchan.

- He couldn't understand it. But he knew, there will always a being whom he cannot understand

– Bkg rlly said 👀 on Deku while having angsty thoughts ಥ╭╮ಥ Looking back on this tho, I just can't help but be proud when I remember 285. Bakugou is loud but he is very rational in battles. He thinks of a plan on the spot meaning he's mind is on work 24/7.

– When he had his "My body just moved on its own" moment, Katsuki had understood Deku and his nature to "Save to Win." It'ss that Katsuki must not analyze it with his brain, but instead feel it with his heart 💚🧡 And this is the reason why I badly want to see him on the manga 😭 that was some MAJOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I'm ahwjdhfjsh

– Takkun and Maachan's pinky swear deserves their own mention. They're so pure 😩✋

- He said he still hasn't done hatsumoude so Kacchan can go first, but Kacchan refused and wouldn't let Deku do hatsumoude before him.

- Kacchan tried to take a head start, but in the end, they ended up visiting and praying together.

– AND WE'RE BACK with the gays 😌 hsjdjajs they compete with every single thing it's honestly cute. Also YES THEY PRAYED TOGETHER and shoujo scenes with the main couple praying on the shrine but make it BKDK flashed before my eyes 😖✨

- After finishing their prayers, Deku looked at Kacchan, "What did you wish for?" "Shut up."

- Even with Kacchan's sulking expression seen from the side, Deku felt that they had wished for the same thing.

– DEKU YOU'RE BEING TOO LOUD!! I just can't with these two 😩✋ Both of them are down so bad for each other and you can't tell me otherwise 💚✨🧡

- With those serious eyes, Deku knew they were aiming for the same thing. Win to save, save to win. To be the best heroes.

- Deku knew well that he and Kacchan are polar opposites. But even so, Deku couldn't imagine a world in which Kacchan doesn't exist.

– Deku just went 😍 on Kacchan and thought "I CAN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU 🧡💚" (insert Imagine by Ben Platt)

– I can't even stress how much I love this line, y'all this is so misleading I-- this is too much 😭 Anyway, I believe this go both ways. Bakugou can't also see a world without Deku in it, and since Deku decided to be the self-sacrificing person he is, I'll just SCREAM IN CH. 304 ( ≧Д≦)

- Seeing the two praying side by side, he commented, "so you've become good friends now, huh."

- Both of them immediately opposed, and Kacchan threatened to explode Shoto's mouth for saying such a disgusting thing.

– Let's go Todoroki, best wingman 🤣 And flustered Bakugou makes a reappearance hdjsja Dammit half n' half I ain't flirting with Deku fvck you

And this is where it ends afshshaha anyway bkdk canon 💚🧡

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Memories of 2020 - Initial asks and a small discussion

*cracks knuckles* Here we go.

If any of you have spent any amount of time today on any ARMY sns platform, I’m sure you’ve seen the mess which, as seasoned ARMY, I can tell you was the exact same mess we see...every single time. I can’t particularly say I’m surprised by any of it, especially when watching the entire process, as in the first clips hitting the TL and then the rest slowly following suit like a flood building steadily as the hours went by.

From anon: be ready for insecure vminies ��

I’m pleased to report it wasn’t actually as bad as I expected, though now that I’m typing this I probably jinxed my own luck and the flood of asks will come soon enough, but maybe not. I’m holding on to the latter.

Based on the cycle in which these things happen every time, as in that the first clips that hit the ARMY spaces are Xkook ones, followed by vmin and other ships, and lastly more OT7 content, I expected our asks to go haywire after that clip, you know which one I mean. But we’ve only gotten two (?) about it, kind of, so I guess most people understood that it was just for laughs and nothing serious that anyone would have to get insecure over.

From anon: Sigh. This is my first memories of bts as army and i'm already tired of how all of twitter seems to be about 1 j*/k*ok moment now. There were so many j*n/kook m*ments and hugs and a sweet h*pe/k*ok backhug moment and a good number of vmin moments including slow dancing so why is the focus always on that one ship?

Here’s the thing, maybe my TLs are just well curated, I don’t know, but on mine no one really focused on that moment? Even non-shipper OT7s just briefly had a chuckle and then moved along to other things, awww’ed at vmin moments, there was lots and lots of talk about J*nk*ok being super cute and there being so much content when it comes to their interactions, there was a lot of chatter about basically every duo and OT7 moment. I know ship specific spaces went nuts, Xkookers butting heads like their lives depend on it, but outside of them?

“All of twt” is an exaggeration and I know, believe me I do, that Xkookers have the ability to make it seem like everyone just cares about their moments because they themselves (the shippers) are loud and seemingly everywhere, but when you look past them, that isn’t the case. Shippers have a tendency to generalize, especially those who follow a lot of their fellow shippers, but when you step outside of shipper spaces, things look very differently.

Like anon said, though I’d like to preface this by saying that I haven’t seen the entirety of Memories of 2020 so I can only go by what I have seen though I’d say I’ve seen nearly everything that was posted on twt or at least as much as I could find (including Xkook things), there were a lot, and I mean a lot, of amazing moments between basically all the members, regardless of who your favorite duo might be, I’m sure there was something for you there. Even those who are supposedly a rarity. And even as vminnies, this time around we had a feast with so many amazing vmin moments, some funny ones, some random ones, some super cute ones, whatever you want, there is something there for you to find. And the same can be said about so many other duos, we even got Yoongi and Hobi FaceTiming each other, and Yoongi saying they look like a couple while looking at the pictures Hobi chose for the coffee truck he sent to Yoongi’s Daechwita MV filming set.

There’s one discussion I’d like to get out of the way below the cut, but after that I will have another post very, very soon in which I want us to just have some fun and look at vmin, namjin and the other moments because there is just so much to find. And this is just day one of people having the DVDs, these discussion will continue for a while because, like I mentioned before, Memories are a treasure trove for OT7 content and fun stuff, and there’s more than eleven hours worth of it to be watched, discovered and discussed.

But, okay, let’s get into that moment since anons wanted to talk about it and know my thoughts on it, so let’s do just that. And yes, other anon from a while ago, I remember you once mentioning how I shouldn’t talk about other ships and shouldn’t “debunk” them and their moments, though I’d hardly call this debunking, but as I said many times since our first post, I’m ARMY before I am a vminnie and namjinist, and our blog is called thoughts on Bangtan and, as far as I’m aware, both JK and Jimin are part of Bangtan, so I don’t see a reason why I can’t show my perspective on it and also voice my grievances with shippers when it comes to that moment. And, before anyone comes into our asks to yell at me for being toxic/problematic or only doing this to make my ship look better or whatever, no, that isn’t the point, like at all. 

“Debunking” moments makes literally no difference whatsoever in the grand scheme of things and doesn’t affect reality, all I am doing is having a chat just like everyone else. I’m not even asking you to agree with me, you’re more than welcome not to, I can’t and won’t stop you. Also, just so you know, my initial reaction was just to laugh amused by it, no hard feelings, so I’m not the bad guy.

That being said...the Xkook moment.

Here’s the thing, when it first surfaced many hours ago, the moment itself was cut down to show just the moment of Jimin leaning close to JK and JK leaning back and turning his head away so his cheek faced Jimin...and cut, some even cutting off the video before JK turned his head. That’s it. People, as in shippers, freaked out, and everyone else had a good laugh and moved along to other things, even vminnies were joking about it and everything. I saw none of my fellow vminnies getting angry or insecure about it. Then, as time went by, someone else posted that scene but this time also showing the things leading up to it, so putting it into context instead of removing it. With the context suddenly the whole thing looked and felt completely differently since moments prior Jimin was pretending to stab JK with the pointy end of his mic and then acted as though to check if he was d*ad, as in the end of the scene. Turns out it was just for giggles and not some grand romantic moment in a room full of people and a camera close to their faces.

By that time, of course, those who cared most about that moment had long decided what meaning this holds and didn’t care once context was shown. Gifs and art had already been created, the yelling was loud, and the fights between Xkookers were reaching levels of toxicity I hadn’t seen in a while, which was disgusting and fucked up the say the least. But, the thing is, I don’t think the moment itself was the issue. In context and as rational ARMY you know it was just Jimin playing around with JK as they usually do, things we’ve also seen other members do in similar (though not quite like this) fashion, and after eight years since debut and nine of knowing each other, this isn’t shocking or new in any way. No, the issue were Xkookers and the way they treated this moment, some even going as far as taking screenshots and editing them to make it seem like they were about to kiss, as in they changed the placements of their heads to fit their narrative, as well as others making gifs where they play the moment backwards (leaving out the part where JK leans his head away and to the side) and thus they created their own version of the moment which was different from what had actually happened.

That is my biggest issue with this whole thing. The blatant manipulation of moments to create narratives that don’t match reality, twisting them and using them in stupid pointless fights. But imagine vminnies were to do any of that, all hell would break loose and we’d be attacked without mercy because how dare, and yet they don’t follow their own “logic” and “rules”. It’s more than okay to find any and all moments cute, we all do, to make jokes and whatnot, but twisting context, manipulating it and basically creating your own version of it goes too far. 

Take what we are given as what it is, instead of what you want it to be.

So, now that that’s done, please fellow vminnies and ARMYs, don’t be insecure or let people ruin your mood and fun over it. It’s not worth it. Instead let’s check out and have a talk about some of the fun vmin and OT7 moments we got, along with other ones, including my reply to another anon when it comes to namjin. Of course what I will mention in the post (HERE) is basically just the tip of the iceberg since tumblr has a limit on pictures and everything, so just know there is so much more still left to see than just that.

Before I’ll go, for those who still feel a little insecure/doubtful/whatever else, while I was working on this post and the other one, another anon sent in this well timed vmin ask:

From anon: I have to say this as a Vmin supporter. Whatever is going on with Vmin we can rest assure what they is special/untouchable. They graduated HS & college together, going for Bachelors together. Jimin-ah I like you the most. I want to live with my lovely Taehyung for the rest if my life. Their future is together, friends/soulmates or more they said it. I won’t tear down other members closeness (good for them) their bonds don’t erase Vmins. I’m just happy with the moments Vmin allow us to see.

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Tommy’s (and Tubbo’s) Character /rp /dSMP

This is a bit of a rant so like be warned. I have nothing against any CCs mentioned in this, this is all roleplay, lighthearted, and just a bit of fun analysis. Mostly this is a ramble about how I see certain people analysing Tommy’s character on tumblr and twt, and why I think they’re wrong. This isn’t directed at anyone specific, just a trend I’ve been seeing that kinda irks me. I don’t dislike the fandom, just a few ‘takes’ have been really weird for me.

TW for everything below: analysing the effects of trauma, abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and lack of therapy.

I’m not really liking how victim-blamey everyone is getting currently in the dSMP, both in fandom and canon. In canon with certain characters but especially in fan analysis posts and especially about Tommy and Tubbo. People legitimately celebrating that Tommy might start ‘apologising’ for his actions more and 'growing as a person' somehow don’t realise that hes been made this way through a tonne of negative reinforcement. abuse, and gaslighting. And people blaming Tubbo for actions he had no choice in, rather than the actions he did choose.

Currently, as I see it, Tommy is so scared that anyone would find a reason to be pissed off at him that his fighting spirit has been completely crushed. He was exiled and abused when he should have been helped and given an understanding figure to guide him and teach him how to deal with things non-violently. In everyone’s eyes, the problem was that Tommy was creating violence with no real reason, acting recklessly and commiting crimes. Tubbo, having made him a part of his cabinet, knew that this would only harm the country. So instead of talking to him reasonably, he got angry, put him on trial, and punished him with the logbook (humiliating him by making him report back to Fundy, which he obviously hated). Tommy’s actions were, of course, bad, but did he deserve everyone ganging up on him? No. Especially when Tubbo was supposed to be in his corner, helping him out like he always said he would (”It’s me and you vs Dream” etc). This is the first betrayal of trust from Tommy’s POV. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong to its full extent, and no one can explain it to him. 

However, Tubbo was under a lot of pressure from Dream and George, and he’s a literal child President, so his ‘safety over friendship’ actions are understandable. I don’t believe Tubbo is solely to blame for anything he’s done in season 2, but it can’t all be excused. If you are to blame Tommy for his recklessness, you have to blame Tubbo, at least partially, for his disregard for Tommy’s feelings and mental state. There were other ways to go about the entire thing, including the trial, which was just horrible to watch, and agreeing to give Dream the disc, something Tommy gave him in pure confidence that it would be safe with Tubbo. Yikes moment.

At that time, Tubbo knew a lot of things about Tommy. In fact, he probably knew the most about Tommy out of anyone on the server. He knew the discs were incredibly important and a comfort item for Tommy. He knew Tommy had trauma from being exiled in the past. He knew Tommy was abused, or at least manipulated by Wilbur, in addition to growing up in war. Wilbur once told Tommy to stop being reckless, and Tommy listened, changing his attitude because he looked up to Wilbur so much. Then Wilbur said ‘let’s be the bad guys’ and stopped trying to mentor Tommy. There’s a conflict here, because Tommy was told by Wilbur that he wasn’t good enough to be President (links to the idea of ‘not being strong enough’) but he knows that Wilbur was a bad person. But Tommy is never given the chance to reconsile his feelings surrounding Wilbur, both because of Ghostbur and because of the conflict he starts with George. So he is harbouring a mixture of emotions about his mentor and brother, not understanding how to untangle the ‘real Tommy’ from the manipulated boy he became. 

What was going through his head when he stole from George and griefed him? Perhaps the thought that he needed to show he was still the same old Tommy. Maybe the need to ‘prove himself’ as a strong person? It could have just been an outlet for his trauma. He’s grown up in a world where everyone is either a friend or an enemy. George isn’t a friend. How was he supposed to know that hurting him was bad?

Tubbo was pressured into the actions he took against Tommy, but he was pressured far too easily. There is no moment where Tubbo turns to Tommy and makes sure he’s okay, he views him as ‘selfish’ and overdramatic, and sees his actions that way. This makes sense from Tubbo’s POV, he’s struggling to be President in ways that Wilbur *knew* he would, but in Tommy’s eyes this is the worst betrayal he’s ever known. The moment Tubbo (rightfully, but poorly executed) defies Tommy’s plan to hire Technoblade (ahem, seeing Techno as a weapon again) and exiles Tommy is the moment their friendship shatters. They’re two people who don’t understand each other anymore. Two people who are technically in the right, but only hurt each other. 

What Tommy needed was a therapist, instead he had Dream, who put out the fire of rebellion that made him so strong, and Techno, who was trying to help but doing it in the wrong way. 

People see tommy's change post-exile as a good thing because he's not as rebellious anymore and he’s thinking things through a lot before he does them, but they will soon realise that his rebellion was one of his best traits and the fact that no one saw it as anything but a problem really shows. He now second-guesses himself so much and is so scared of being wrong that everything seems too difficult and too dangerous. Every trait can have a positive and negative side. Tommy's defiant nature would have made him the perfect negotiator with a little practise. In fact, he had plenty of good ideas before he was exiled (using spirit against Dream, though it didnt work in the end, for example). The negative side of this was recklessness and the desire to cause problems on purpose, but what he needed was a friend (looking at you Tubbo) who understood that hes been through several wars, was manipulated by Wilbur, and hasnt known a time of peace where everyone who wasnt on his side was out to kill him. Now that ‘fight’ is gone he's just become easier to manipulate.

He may be getting better (see: telling Dream to go fuck himself) but there hasn't been any long-term growth because he was never told what kind of rebellion was good and what was bad. He was just told it was all bad. By Dream (and by Tubbo). Who he doesn't trust. So he's just going to revert back to his old ways because no one told him what was bad in a way that didn't make him feel like everyone was against him. Dream is the enemy (though Tommy’s feelings towards him are complicated, they make his brain go all ‘flippy floppy’) and Dream told him that rebellion was bad, so rebellion must be good always, right? 

And then there's Techno. Techno did nothing wrong except for when he did. Techno is 100% right except for when he isn’t. He doesn't understand Tommy because Tommy was never fully open about what Dream had done and how it affected him. That's not Tommys fault though, because who the fuck openly talks about their trauma? So neither of them are to blame for pretty much anything up until the confrontation at the community house. 

However, Techno's methods and ideology were not what Tommy needed. He was thrown from one extreme to another over and over again, from complete subservience to total rebellion. Neither of these inforce good attitudes in Tommy. One, as stated before, makes it so that he will regain his negative traits again. The other reinforces those violent traits as good, just like Wilbur did. The only difference is that Techno had good intentions, he wasnt trying to use Tommy, which is why he feels so used when Tommy 'betrays' him (Techno doesnt realise that he himself betrayed Tommy by teaming with Dream, he sees it more as a transaction than a personal thing). Techno feels so hurt by Tommy ‘viewing him as a weapon’ that he goes on with his no-mercy attack, completely dropping Tommy at his lowest point. 

Tommy says he doesn't want to be like everyone he's hated. In fact, he say's he is 'worse' than all the villains. This is very obviously untrue, though he was clearly going down a dangerous path with Techno's influence (see: bullying Fundy, spawning wither, kidnapping Connor, and saying that the discs are more important than Tubbo, more on that later). He's not a villain but who exactly has said he's not a villain. Dream? Techno? Neither of them can be trusted in his eyes. They say he's a good guy, Wilbur wanted to be the bad guy, who's right? He doesn't know. He has a crisis of morality. 

And? Some people want to point at that and say 'aha! Character development! He's finally realising his actions have a negative affect on others!' OH GOD NO??? He's a *child* who thinks that he is worse than his abuser. Does that sound like positive character growth to you? 

Lastly, the discs. We know theyre a comfort item blahblahblah. He hates himself for valuing them more than he values Tubbo. He's literally innocent in this. He’s been horribly manipulated by Dream to believe that the discs are worth anything. Theyre really not worth anything if they are being used as tools rather than, yknow, discs. My poor boy. He doesnt trust people, so what can he trust? The discs. But then he says it out loud and realises he misses Tubbo and he wants to be with his best friend again and and and WAHHHH. This also isnt really character growth its just fucking sad leave me alone. 

Anyways what the fuck guys. @ Niki and Jack what the fuck. Yeah we get it it’s miscommunication but wtf. Kinda worried that the actual lore will make Niki and Jack’s hatred of Tommy justified in some way and take on a big victim-blamey vibe, but I’m hoping that everyone is smart enough to not do that. I cannot praise Tommy enough for how he’s portrayed his character. I’m currently hoping that he himself understands the true complexity of it all. I’m sure he does.

Mostly though im actually pissed off at all the people praising tommy's character for 'maturing' when hes literally just got trauma. Nice one, tumblr and twt users. Thanks. Great job. He hasnt 'learnt his lesson', he’s traumatised. What the fuck.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, leave your responses in the reblogs and comments.

[mc-slowwalker]

I also love hearing people talk about things they’re passionate about and care about it’s nice!

I would say it’s definitely different on twt vs here from my experience at least but J think that also has a lot to do with how different the apps are in some aspects like I feel it’s easier to avoid stuff you don’t want to see on tumblr while on twt it’s easy to see and super easy to respond (qrt, specifically pqrt function my dearly detested) also block button my beloved <333 wish more people would realise that they can in fact cater their online experience to themselves and just themselves

it’s definitely super easy to fall into wanting your favourite to get the most hurt and like you can have a preference in content as long as you can realise that there’s more to a character and I think because of it exile, by c!tommy apologists and prison, by c!dream apologists gets a lot of attention and those arcs definitely should! they were/are important arcs to be taken into account during character analysis as long as people remember there’s more to the characters. I also enjoy a good hurt/comfort fic and definitely get what you mean by techno and the syndicate being an easy and stable solution which is just like another thing I find interesting about how the fandom perceives the characters. mutually beneficial healing for the win!! but yeah exactly there aren’t actually any properly stable characters in the dreamsmp for that which is why I’m interested to see c!puffy lore as she’s the self proclaimed therapist while needing therapy herself and having some rather subjective opinions on stuff. I’ll admit tho that I love a good syndicate healing fic lmao. I actually really do enjoy the lore and the complexity of the characters cause it’s all genuinely interesting to me when I do analyse the lore and like I know I’ll be biased sometimes but it’s still fun. I think I just really find interesting how people think about stuff lol. being an every character apologist is the best I think

not the minecraft role play making me analyse characters and storylines and lore more than I have for any other fandom I’ve been in😭😭

I’m so interested in c!puffy’s therapist arc because it seems like she’s ignoring her own trauma which is only going to hurt her and everyone she helps so I wonder what it will take for her to be like “oh shit I’m not okay no more therapising for me ig”

But it’s also interesting that she was never a good therapist in the first place. She doesn’t give therapy to people who need it (jack manifold, dream, etc) if she thinks they don’t deserve it, but even when tommy went to her for therapy she wasn’t able to give him what he needs (when will sam nook return from the war……..) all that considered though even the people she deeper acceptable for therapy won’t go to her honestly it’s just a whole mess

Being an every character apologist is great because you get to understand all the characters a little deeper, but it’s also a bit isolating at times. For example, c!tommy apologists tend to hate me despite the fact that I’m also a c!tommy apologist. So instead of being able to interact with the fandom with the notion that I think all the characters are both wrong and right, I have to interact based off of who my favorite character is (c!dream) which can be frustrating at times

Honestly I think the reason dream smp allows for such analysis is because the authors don’t fucking communicate half the time (affectionate) which leads to genuine reactions, but also conflicting information which just makes analysis that much more fun. It’s a mess and it’s our mess

[ahgaru]

Inlusio Fit Vera: JaePil fic (CHAPTER TWO)

Pairing: Jae x Wonpil Side Pairing: Mark x Jinyoung (Got7) Minor mention: Hyunjin & Seungmin (Stray Kids) Genre: Fantasy/Romance Word Count: 2,429

Summary/Description:

Wonpil started reading a book that his best friend, Jinyoung, gave him. As he finished reading it, he tried to find another book to read and he started seeing things he’s not supposed to see; going to places he’s not supposed to go to; fall for someone he’s not supposed to fall in love with.

He also found out a secret that he couldn’t believe.

READ CHAPTER 1 FIRST

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Splashing cold water on his face, Wonpil gets ready for another day—although it’s already noon time. Even though he’s been waking up late for the past days, ironically, he’s not feeling lethargic but energized instead.

“Why have you been coming late for the past few days?”, Jinyoung asks when the older approached him on the counter asking for an iced Americano. He answers it with a shrug before lifting his right arm, elbow on the countertop, and rests his chin on his hand. “You’ve been reading?” With eyebrows raised, Wonpil looks at his best friend as his lips part. “Between the Lines.” The younger raises his brows waiting for answer.

The brown-haired releases a soft breath of relief and gulps before answering. I thought I was caught. “Well, yeah… I read every night” he presses his lips together in guilt.

“You need the second book?”

“No. It’s fine. Not yet… maybe”

A customer excuses and asks for help. Jinyoung scans the shop and sees his worker attending to a lady and the other seems to be doing the same to another patron between one of the aisles. Wonpil offers to look after the counter for his friend to tend to the guest.

Standing behind the work surface with nothing to do, the brown-haired surveys the spot, thinking what it feels to be working behind the counter for the whole day. He sighs and pouts as he opens a drawer, hoping to see something amusing or somehow entertaining. I’d probably just see a book that Nyoungie’s reading these days.

His hunch does not disappoint him. Behind Closed Doors, the title says. He reaches for the book but just as he is about to take it out, a vintage box shows itself. It’s wooden box, which seem like a ring box, with an ornate engraving. Without a second thought, he gets and opens it. A familiar earing lies inside it.

Did he lose this? His forehead furrows as he thinks about the guy whom he’s excited to see when everyone and everything else are asleep except the moon and the two of them.

“Who—what are you doing here?”, he asked the blond guy he saw at his best friend’s café two days ago. Wonpil’s chest started to beat faster. What’s with this familiar sensation? He came closer to Wonpil and the latter had to tilt his head to look at the guy who’s towering over him. Man, he’s so tall.

“Shouldn’t I ask you the same question?”, he smirked before he chortled and shrugged “It’s such a nice place here, don’t you think? The ambiance, the vibe, and oh… interesting books!”

“How did you get here? If you won’t leave the place, I’ll tell Jinyoung you—“

“Can you?”, the tall guy lifted his eyebrow and pierced Wonpil’s gaze with a challenging stare. The latter averted his eyes as a lump started to form in his throat. He knew what the blond guy meant. If he’d tell Jinyoung about the guy, he would also know about him going to this place that he’s not supposed to enter. “Let’s keep it as our little secret, okay?” he winked.

Wonpil swallowed the lump and released a breath to calm down. As he settled himself on the couch, the taller one leaned on the aquarium-like thing which served as the wall. He opened the book he’s been holding and seemed to continue reading. Off The Page? His eyes widened in amusement.

“You’re reading Off the Page?” he asked as if it wasn’t still obvious. The stranger lifted his head and stared at him. An earring dangling from his right ear shined “That’s the second book. Have you read the first one?”

“N—no. I was wondering why something’s off.” He chuckled and shook his head before walking toward the shorter guy. “So, this is the second book, huh?”

“I have the first book, Between the Lines. Do you want to borrow it?” Wonpil queried looking at the guy who just sat across him. He has tiny eyes and narrow nose. Why does he seem so familiar? The young man’s small eyes looked down and his gaze landed on the book lying on his lap.

“Tell me about that book instead”

Since that night, which is almost a week ago, they’ve been seeing each other at past midnight. They share stories, share opinions, and somehow, Wonpil’s hoping that they share the same sentiments.

The presence of an employee brings back his wandering mind to the present. He turns to him with the box still in his hand “Did someone perhaps drop this earring?”

The workman looks at the cross earing with acknowledgement “No, it’s Jinyoung’s”

His forehead creases “Jinyoung’s?” He asks again, making sure. The worker nods his head with confidence. Wonpil looks at the second-story deck and as if on cue, Jinyoung goes out from one of the aisle talking to the customer who needed help. He hastily closes the box and puts it back in the drawer. He moves out and leaves the counter to the employee.

Feeling guilty, he bites his lower lip and tries to calm his drumming heart. He feels bad for hiding something—going to that secret library with a stranger, well not a stranger now, reading the book he was told not to read, and some things he can’t seem to point. But it’s not like he’s not hiding anything from me, too. Am I not just being fair? He tries to justify his actions.

He sits on his usual place and static seems to travel all over his body when he meets someone’s gaze. He’s seated near the glass walls, just when he first saw him. The blond gives a salutation smile and the brown-haired beams back but the face he’s looking at is suddenly replaced with a more familiar one.

“So, are you really planning to spend your whole vacation in my café?” The younger asks teasingly and he just shrugs which translates to ‘yes, most probably’. The black-haired chortles and shakes his head. The older can’t help but look at the visible eye wrinkles of his friend. “Anyway, have you already seen your brother?”

His eyebrows furrow. “Seungmin?”

The younger lifts a brow up “Do you have any other brother? Who else could it be? Of course, it’s no other than him. He’s with my brother right now” As if on cue, two attractive young men come in. Wonpil needs not to turn around to know whose new voices that entered the place belong to, still he does.

He stands up to acknowledge them. Seungmin, who’s a centimeter shorter than Wonpil, and Hyunjin, who’s a centimeter taller than his older brother, stand between them.

“You’re here”, Wonpil, once again, states the obvious.

They settle down and talk for a little while before the two younger ones head out again.

When the longer hand of the clock hovers over seven; while the shorter one is a little before one, Wonpil stands up and walks out of his room. Seungmin, who just came out from the room adjacent to his, looks at him from head to toe. He is wearing a maroon hoodie, with ‘mvp’ printed on it, over a plain white tee, a faded denim pants, white socks and a pair of slides flip flops.

The red-haired glances at the wall clock which reads 12:35 before looking back at his older brother “Why are you wearing denim pants? Are you heading out?”

“Uhh..” he swallows a lump before answering “No, I’m heading to the kitchen. Gonna drink water”

His younger brother narrows his eyes at him. “I’m gonna drink, too. You can go back to your room. I’ll get you a glass and give it to you later.”

“Uhh, no. It’s okay. I’ll do that instead.” Seungmin tilts his head as if studying his brother. Wonpil averts his gaze and bites his lower lip “Alright, I’ll just wait here. Thank you”

Wonpil waits for more than an hour before he goes out because his brother stayed in the living room after getting him a glass of water.

“I thought you’re not gonna show up anymore.” The tall blond guy states when Wonpil enters the secret library. The latter just responds with a smile and asks for an apology for coming late.

He still doesn’t know his name. Every night—early morning, rather—they’d just sit across each other with a book on hand, having little confabs from time to time, sharing their viewpoints from the books they’re reading. But they could not actually read in a normal pace. They read a single sentence for ten times or just lock their eyes on the page for a couple of minutes as if they’re reading.

“You’re actually a slow reader, too” Wonpil said when he asked the tall guy one time on which part he was already on.

“Well, yeah.” The blond-haired shrugged. “I tend to repeat a lot of parts for me to really absorb what’s going on. It’s like chewing the food slowly, savoring its taste before swallowing it”

That’s one reason. But if he had been more honest, it’s because he keeps on being distracted with Wonpil in front of him—who actually feels the same. They keep on letting their sight linger on the other when one’s not looking.

“You’ve been reading?” Wonpil asks as he reach out for the book, Inlusio Fit Vera, and takes a seat.

“Uhh, yeah.” The other nodded “Actually, I went back to square one,” he shrugs. No matter what the reason is—which actually being bothered by Wonpil’s late appearance—the brown-haired decides not to ask.

“Aren’t you afraid of being caught going here secretly?”, the blond queries a few moments after.

Wonpil bites his lower lip and  averts his eyes for a second “I actually am.”

“Being scared just meant you had something worth coming back to,” He states in a serious manner, eyes looking straight at Wonpil as if trying to deliver a message. The latter raises both his eyebrows in question and thinks why that line seems to be familiar. The young man with the glasses smiles  making Wonpil shift his gaze back to his book and swallow a lump. “It’s a line from this book,” he closes the book, Between the Lines (which was loaned to him by Wonpil few days ago), and holds it up to show it to the brown-haired.

I guess that’s true. Getting caught would mean not being able to spend time with you like this anymore. And I’m afraid of it, even if I know it’ll eventually happen. Wonpil’s mind says but his lips remain sealed.

A person’s life is foreknew and predestined by a Divine Being, whom humans believe, who created them. Their lives are predestined—the Deity who brings them to existence has already designed their paths, like an Architect who designs a house; yet they are the engineers. This Divinity, whom they call God, gave them free will to choose for their own lives—to follow his design, or build their own; to follow the path He leads them to, or walk on a different one—which makes their existence also unpremeditated (despite being predestined) but the Divine One foreknows them. He knows which course they will take; He knows whether they’ll follow his ways or not; He knows the epilogue of each life.

The Iluvirs, on the other hand, do not have this free will that humans have. Thus makes their lives only predestined ones. In Orbisia, the dimension of the Iluvirs, is a universe of determined routes. Like a character on a novel with a life painted by ink on paper; or a puppet controlled through strings by its master, these beings live according to the life designed for them.

Wonpil takes a deep breath and the other raises his head to check on him.

“What’s the matter?”

The shorter one shakes his head with his lips forming a thin line. “It’s just so sad,” the taller narrows his eyes on him “I mean, the lives of the Iluvirs are so…” failing to find the right word, Wonpil releases a deep sigh. “I just can’t imagine, you know, living a life like I’m a puppet being controlled.”

Wonpil notices the sudden change, although subtle, on the other’s features. He suddenly becomes serious yet his eyes are yearning. He closes the book on his hand and leans a bit forward.

“Tell me more,” the tall one raises his arm and rests his chin on his hand.

“I—I just want to take them out of Orbisia to live freely, to live how they want their lives to be and not how whoever-made-them want it to be; not like a character on a novel, a comic, a movie, or whatsoever, who needs to just act their parts like how the writer, the director or the artist wants them to. I want to save them,” he lets out another sigh “I’m sorry for being so dramatic, it’s not like this book, the Iluvirs and the Orbisia are real.” He shakes his head.

“If… If they’re real, do you think that these Iluvirs know the kind of lives they have? Say, if one tries so hard to keep himself alive but he can’t do anything because he’s destined to die in a certain point, do you think they know that they have a fixed life?” The blond pauses for a bit “Just like Oliver in this book I’m reading, he knows that he’s a character in a book—that he has to play his part when the book is opened and to act freely when the book is closed.” He asks because he, himself, wonders—do Iluvirs’ lives only follow the flow of the book when it’s opened and do they act like how they want to be when it’s closed; or either way, their lives go the way their creator want it to be?

Wonpil makes an effort in taking a gulp—he didn’t know that swallowing could be hard but just imagining himself being an Iluvir makes him want to cry in rage. The glasses guy discerns how hard it is for Wonpil and tries to lighten up the atmosphere.

“Don’t take it too seriously, it’s just a book.”

“But… if ever the Orbisia really exists and there are Iluvirs, I really wanna do save them”

The next thing Wonpil hears makes him wonder what it means for the next hours. “You already saved one”