#which is a self destructive impulse that I have to work through but god it hurts

[moonflvver]

Starlight

character: Katsuki Bakugou x reader

warnings: angst (with fluff)

a/n: This is probably one of my favorite pieces about Bakugou that I've written. Also, I'm clearing out my drafts so expect an influx of posts over the next few days. And I'm getting back into mha so trust that there will be lots of Katsuki content in the future lol.

w/c: 1297

He was running his fingers through his hair as his jaw clenched. “What the fuck do you want from me then? What do you want? Because I just can’t figure it out. No matter what I do for you it’s never enough.”

You sighed, you were getting tired of having the same argument with him over and over again. And now of course he was turning this on you. Of course Bakugou Katsuki just couldn’t fucking admit that he was in the wrong for once. 

“What I want is for you to care about yourself Katsuki. I want you to stop overexerting yourself and coming home with an injury every other night. I want to trust that you’ll be safe when you’re out there.” You were trying your hardest not to let him hear your voice shake but it cracked mid-sentence nonetheless. 

It was just too much. God you loved him, of course you did. But he was too stubborn for his own good and he refused to stop pushing himself to the very edge of his limits. But that’s the thing about Bakugou, he’s a star. I mean it sounds silly to say but it’s true. 

He’s not just good at what he does, he’s great. But there’s something in him that refuses to let him enjoy what he has at any given moment and that’s the problem. They say that the stars that shine the brightest burn out the fastest and you know Katsuki better than anyone, so it’s clear to you that he’s just one mission away from crashing and burning. Which is why you can’t stop. If he won’t care for himself then you have to do it for him. 

“You don’t get it do you? I can’t just stop doing my job. People need me, people depend on me. I keep this city safe. I won’t drop it all just for you.” He shouted back. 

“Just for me, are you serious? Do I really mean that little to you, that you’d choose your own self destructive tendencies over me?” You’re crying now, tears are running down your face as you look at him. “I need you too, Katsuki.” You mumble, looking up at him.

Fuck. He looks exhausted and you’re sure that you don’t look any better, especially not after all of the crying you’ve been doing. But it’s clear that the long hours he’s been working have taken a serious toll on him and it makes you sob just a bit harder. 

His head is in his hands now as he says, “Shit y/n I didn’t mean that. I just-” But before he can finish you stop him. 

“I can’t watch you implode like this, I can’t stand by while you do this to yourself. I was so stupid to think that you’d actually change. But it doesn’t matter. You’re still that same impulsive, stubborn little kid that you were in highschool.” He knows you don’t mean it, he can tell by the fatigue that’s evident in your voice. You’re done. You’re clearly just grasping for straws at this point. There’s no fight left in you anymore and it’s all his fault. Fuck, of course he ended up pushing away the one person who’s remained consistently by his side.

The person who makes him lunch, who reminds him to take care of himself. Who always texts him on patrol asking him how he is no matter how late it is. He can’t let you leave, he just can’t. He wants to scream, he wants to fucking cry, he wants to let himself crash and burn and he doesn’t want you picking up the pieces. He just wants to be left alone but there’s a part of him that needs you more than the air that he breathes. And that part of him just can’t allow you to go. 

He’s taken you for granted, he knows that. He knew that his rise to the top would put a strain on your relationship but he had convinced himself that he would be able to figure it out. I mean of course he would, Bakugo Katsuki can do anything. Right? Anything except for preventing himself from getting completely and utterly blindsided by his own goals apparently. 

You’re grabbing your keys to walk out and take a breather but then he stands up, abruptly grabbing your arm.

You look up at him in mild shock. “Bakugou what are you-” 

“Don’t go.” He says, and it comes out as a quiet whisper. “Please don’t go, I’m sorry. Okay? I am so fucking sorry, just please don’t leave.” You don’t think you’ve ever heard him sound so desperate.

He looks down, lets your wrist drop. And now he’s just waiting for you to say anything, anything at all. You sigh, dropping your keys back down onto the table. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” He echoes back as his head comes up and you see that his eyes are full of tears. 

You step forward taking him into your arms and he buries himself into your chest as you stroke his back. You inhale that familiar caramel scent that always seems to linger around him, a scent that reminds you of home, a scent that never fails to make you melt into his arms. He makes you feel so at home whenever you’re near him, you just want to hold onto him forever. You open your mouth and just as you’re about to say something to him he pulls away, pausing for a moment.

“I know.” He says quietly. “I know that it’s been hard for you. It’s just that no matter what I do, no matter how much I achieve it’s just that. Fuck. It’s never enough.” There are tears falling from his eyes. His long lashes are coated in the salty drops of water that won’t stop cascading down his face as he continues, “I get into this insane mindset that I could just be doing everything better, that I could be stronger, that I need to try harder. And I end up pushing you away. I end up hurting you and it’s not fair to you and I’m just really tired.” His voice cracks as he finishes and all you want right now is to take away everything that’s weighing on him and put the burden on yourself. 

Really that’s all you’ve ever wanted, just to make him hurt a little less. Because seeing him like this makes your heart ache. How could he ever think that he was anything less than good enough? Katsuki Bakugou is a star. And sometimes his light is blinding and it overwhelms you. But he’s also capable of illuminating everyone and everything around him. And he needs to know how important he is. 

You close the distance between the two of you and you swipe your thumb under his eyes hoping to clear away his tears. Your hand lingers for a moment and then you cup his face. “You are good enough. I get that it’s hard, I know how much pressure you put on yourself. But I need you to know that I see it. Even if no one else does. I see how much of yourself you’re putting into your job, I see how deeply you care.”

 He’s staring at you, practically dumbfounded. But then his eyes soften, “Thank you. Thank you for seeing me.” It comes out almost as a sigh, like he’s finally able to let go of the air that his lungs have been holding in for the past half-hour. His shoulders relax and your hands find their way into his hair as you bring him into your chest once again, mumbling into his hair. “How could I not see you? You’re too bright to ignore.”

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: your greatest asset and your greatest hindrance - advice on how you can master what's holding you back

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what to release and what to retain this month

masterlist of pap/pac posts

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pile one

your asset is self-awareness - you stop yourself when you notice you are thinking destructively. you know how and when to use your intuition. you pick up on your own unhealthy behaviors and you seek ways to heal and better yourself. don't think that i am saying that you have it easy or that you are like a god by any means - i know that you've gone through it. you are likely someone that has done a lot of shadow work or has worked endlessly in therapy to get to this level of self-awareness. you have self-sabotaged and now you know that you wish to be better so you are breaking those habits.

your hinderance is that you likely don't feel as though you have something to depend on - your beliefs and trust are constantly in flux. you are still trying to see the light in the darkness around you. it's time to realize you are holding the torch - light it and search for something worth believing in and trusting. challenge your pre-existing beliefs - both those that you found untrustworthy and those your are holding on to as though they are all that exists. it is a gigantic world out here. by searching for new beliefs and growing your ability to trust in the unknown you are building a strength and resilience within yourself that may not be fully awoken. find peace in uncertainty - let go of your need to be in control of everything but yourself.

pile two

your asset is you don't settle. you know your worth - which is highly commendable. you know when something is missing and you don't let it stay that way. you know how to follow your heart as well as your intuition - you create meaning in everything you do, you do everything with intention. you aren't afraid to do hard things that involve letting go of what you know - you are open to change.

your hinderance is your inability to plan - you don't know how to create something that makes your grounded. working towards things/goals likely cause you stress - this could be a fear of failing. this could also point to impatience and impulsivity. needless to say you are not a planner and that doesn't always bode well when you must make a choice and sticking with it to see results. you could also be someone that sticks to what you are most comfortable to (for now perhaps it is you future asset that you are willing to let go of why you know). staying where you are comfortable doesn't help you to grow in new and exciting ways.

pile three

your asset is your ability to find peace when you are alone. i feel like i have found my introverted followers and readers in this pile. you enjoy learning new things about yourself - in fact it is one of your greatest strengths. you have a great connection with your inner voice - you know what you want and what you need.

your hinderance is you may be too grounded in yourself - it's time to get out there and share who you are with others. you might not have good emotional intelligence when expressing who you are to others - that is to say you likely need to work on social skills. focus on how you express yourself. be open to receiving communication - don't fear replying and putting yourself out there.

[chaos-and-sparkles]

Presenting:

Prowler Pavitr <3<3

Here's Pavitr's design in my Prowler Pavitr au akjdskjdskjkskdsk! It's my au where Pavitr is a fallen hero who used to be Spider-Man and becomes the Prowler, fueled by rage against a world and a system that forced him to pretend at perfection and then only hurt him and the people he loves.

I love him so much,, I have so much stuff in progress about him rn (working on the fics too). Gonna have chaipunk front and center, and like four separate plot arcs, I'm so insane about this au actually -

Anyway here's some infodump about his design inspirations and symbolism I put in it, I loveeeee talking abt him:

Hair -

Okay so this is after some time, like a couple months since Pav became the Prowler, and he's grown his hair out a bit now. It's kind of a mix of rejection of the "masculine" standard of short cropped hair by flaunting his longer curls that he's always been proud of and even had to grow to love He also dyes his hair purple! Bc he didn't wanna cut his hair but he wanted to do something to set himself apart from his old identity and also he's literally an impulsive 17-18 year old and wanted to do something that felt like owning his own self and asserting autonomy over his body etc etc

Something Borrowed -

The tie that he's using to tie back his hair is his original blue headband!! It doesn't go with his outfit at all but It's the original blue headband that Maya Aunty got for him all those years ago that he's been wearing forever and it snapped and broke in the battle that preceded what happened to her, and he still keeps it and ties his hair back with it instead The nosering (nath) used to be Gayatri's, they used to try out her jewelry on him and he loved that one so much she gifted it to him, and since he's basically left his old life and gone no contact with her it's all he has left of Gaya too

Main Outfit -

His jacket is loosely based on Krrish's leather jacket from the Bollywood movie series that's about a superhero named Krrish. I just think it has the dramatique and vibe Pav would like He binds his chest bc he still hadn't had top surgery but he's way more open about it, with the binding showing through the neck of the jacket now where he would have never dared to hint at it before,,, another thing about how he doesn't care about people's opinions and perceptions and standards anymore, he wants to say fuck you as much to everything in the system as he can and also piss people off while he's at it and a trans antihero/villain is a surefire way to do that. His dhoti is basically a dhoti pant, modified a bit bc i liked it

He has payals on his feet that make a faint chhan chhan noise when he approaches which has creepiness and cuteness potential imo I basically turned the prowler logo into his dhoti belt buckle askjdsjk

It's also slightly modified to mimic a trishul or even a diya shape, up for interpretation either way, bc trishuls are a symbol of Shiva, god of destruction, and diyas are a symbol of light in the darkness and the need to find it Also the chain around the dhoti at his hips is both a reference to decorative dhoti chain accessories and the lil things on it are his modified grenades that he uses for arson, bc Prowler Pav is big on arson and murder ajajsjsj

Prowler Claws -

His bangles/claws were hands down my favourite part to design!!

So his claws are of course his original spiderman bangles modified into the prowler claws But i based them on three weapons, each of which means something interesting for Pavitr

The first is bagh nakh. Literally translates to "tiger claws", famously used in a legend of Shivaji Maharaj They usually curl into the palm instead of going between the fingers like they do for Pav, but they're basically metal claws wound secretly around your hand for a sneak attack It's associated with bravery and righteous rage bc of Shivaji Maharaj but it's also really associated with stealth and an attack from unexpected quarters, being stabbed from a side no one saw coming. Which. Pavitr. The perfect hero, becoming the Prowler. Come on

Second is the trishul, aka trident That's the reason there are three prongs to his claw Trishul is the symbol of the god Shiva, and as i mentioned he's the god of destruction, as in he's part of the main triumvirate of gods who focus on creation preservation and destruction He also is really really associated with rage, especially destructive rage; he has a whole dance called the tandava for his rage which is a Huge Deal I can't stress this enough And because Prowler Pav is a being fuelled by rage against a system that has hurt so many including him that he wants to destroy and see burned, it is perfect for him The trishul is also seen as a symbol of goddess Kali, who's similar in the destruction goddess aspect and also is literally an embodiment of rage and violence that cannot be controlled which is more the theme I started out with, but whichever you notice first, it works either way. There's a whole myth in fact where Shiva had to lie beneath her feet to stop her destructive rampage before it ended the world.

And lastly, the urumi, aka the whip sword from Kerala Basically each of Prowler Pav's claws extend into whip swords when he does the swing/slash/whip motion This is really interesting at least to me, bc it means 2 things: 1) Pav still remembers and is actively using some of his skillset from swinging around as Spiderman. He does use the urumis to curl around distant objects and swing too, and they are very lethal weapons when used right, and that use requires a lot of skill, huge parts of which he built up by his experience 2) This is a weapon which requires an unimaginable amount of control, precision and strength And Pav is doing all that So all of his actions, every movement, is very deliberate and thought out. He's not doing any of this - turning away from heroism, becoming the Prowler, using these lethal weapons - on a whim. They are all very very deliberate.

Also one more thing - the blades of his claws are all retractable ofc But they are not protected or anything They slice up his palms and the in-betweens of his fingers whenever he uses them,, especially when he uses them as urumis And it would be so easy to fix the design or make gloves or smth so they don't do that But he doesn't ever do it He could make it so his hands don't bleed on using his claws But he doesn't want to

He is an angsty boyo...

Mask -

The eyes are ofc like the prowler mask design except I made them more curved and curled at the end bc that's a kind of shape often seen in traditional art of the headdress of Kali, goddess of uncontrollable violence as I've said before Then the part between them is meant to be based off a third eye, which is something both Shiva and Kali have. It opens at the height of their rage, it's meant to symbolise destructive fury for them both Although it's also used in an all seeing context otherwise but a lot of whitewashed bullshit is also there that dilutes sources to find connotations His theyyam-based tusks from his Spider-Man mask, I wanted to keep

The shape below the eyes is based off the noses in masks in various regional Indian tribal and traditional masks,,, a lot of them tend to have a very distinctive curly nose shape that I wanted to keep, a lot of these masks also depict rage or are intimidating and are very emotive And then ofc you have the bottom of the mask, I made the curved-ish cut based on the peacock-feather-y shape i was using but it's also based on the general shape of Kali's lips in traditional art where she has her tongue out, it's a big symbol of her rage and rampage I tried to put the tongue too but it looked awkward and honestly i thought it would be cooler to jsut leave the bottom half of the mask open and you can see Pav's mouth and his expressions through it a bit instead, in the spirit of that And also it's based a little bit off Krrish's mask, you can never escape the Krrish design Also there's the lil teeth. Those are often used in art for demons and animals,, and Prowler Pav is very cat coded in his behaviour in general tbh. He's like if an orange cat's fur got burned to black.

Anyway, so yeah, that's him!

[suchawrathfullamb]

Hannibal's Child Aura

An analysis of energetic configurations.

(This isn't a headcanon of what I think his child would be like, this is another energetic configuration analysis based on Mads' placements, which like I mentioned in the previous ones, actors are casted in roles that represent their charts, so that's how we analyze characters without the fictional information about full names or date of birth).

To analyze children, we look at an individual's expression number, as children are the expression of that individual's energy. As well as their 5th house, but we don't have Mads' time of birth to know his ascendent therefore house placements.

His expression number is found through his full name, and we do have that, and it is 15 that generates 6.

1 is god/union, 5 is movement, therefore we have the motion of god, god's movement, and 6 is effort, work. We then have The Motion of God that generates Work. His expression number is God moving itself and through that movement it creates its Work (it could create chaos, or union, or destruction for example, but work is this particular expression).

Work (6) could be the result of god's (1) expression (3), but in the case of Hannibal, it is the result of god's (1) movement (5), because his original number is 15, 1+5=6, but if it was 33, it would be a different expression. Telling you this because you guys liked the explanations on the previous analysis.

With that being said, we have the combined energies of The Magician and The Hierophant, that together manifest The Lovers. This means that this particular expression of The Lovers archetype manifests itself in the ways of the marriage between The Magician and The Hierophant.

The Magician is relationship between personal effort and spiritual reality. Mastery, power, self-realization, capacity, creative impulse, attention, effortless concentration, spontaneity.

The being, the spirit, the man or God; the spirit that can be understood; the generating unit of numbers, the primordial substance. Starting point. First cause.

And The Hierophant is blessing, initiation, demonstration, teaching. Duty. Morals. Conscience. Holiness. Law, symbolism, philosophy, religion. The highest levels of consciousness.

And The Lovers is marriage, connection, union. Integration of both sexes into the generating power of the universe. Free will, choice. Coming of age. Test. Linking, combination, balance, plot, embrace. Struggle, antagonism.

The first thing we'd have in his child then, would be the clear androgynous quality, with yin manifesting as sensuality, and yang as dominance. As well as a very polarizing image, that triggers those who are bound by duality (gender). Either attracting or causing struggle for those individuals.

What makes up this energy though is a higher consciousness, it is the spiritual knowledge, and mastery of the self that grants this transcendence of duality, that makes up for an individual who can embody both yin and yang.

Although we don't have access to Mads' 5th house, we do know his Sun placement, and the Sun, natural ruler of the 5th house, symbolizes one's children, as the thing that brings light to the native's life (which can also be creative projects as well).

His Sun sits at 6 degrees of a specific constellation (sidereal), that is ruled by Mitra.

In Vedic lore, Mitra is the god of friendship, cooperation, and promises. He is often paired with Varuna, the god of cosmic order and morality. Together, Mitra and Varuna embody a divine balance: Mitra represents the warmth of relationships and partnerships, while Varuna symbolizes law and universal order. They govern the moral and social contracts between people, ensuring harmony.

Mitra’s presence in this partnership reflects his role as the deity who brings people together, creating bonds. Mitra’s nature is gentle, and he rules over the dawn and daytime, symbolizing light, clarity, and connection.

This specific constellation is known as Anuradha, the "Star of Success," representing the journey of enduring trials and achieving harmony through collaboration. Just as Mitra stands for unity, those born under Anuradha are believed to have a gift for forming lasting relationships.

The pairing of Mitra and Varuna is an important aspect of Vedic cosmology. In many Vedic hymns, the two gods are invoked together, representing the balance between companionship (Mitra) and cosmic law (Varuna). Mitra represents social order through connection, trust, and shared purpose, while Varuna governs cosmic justice, rules, and retribution for moral transgressions.

The name Anuradha translates to "Another Radha" or "Following Radha" in Sanskrit. This can be interpreted as following the path of devotion and loyalty, as Radha, in Hindu mythology, is known for her unwavering love and devotion to Lord Krishna. The name "Anuradha" implies a similar path of dedication, loyalty.

Radha was a young cowherd girl (gopi) in Vrindavan, where Krishna spent his youth. Radha and Krishna shared a bond that transcended ordinary romantic love, often described as the highest form of spiritual love. Radha is portrayed as completely devoted to Krishna, embodying a pure, all-consuming love that goes beyond ego and self-interest. Although Radha and Krishna were deeply in love, they were never married in the traditional sense, which makes their connection symbolic of a love that seeks no worldly fulfillment.

Radha’s unwavering dedication to Krishna, even in his physical absence, symbolizes the soul's undying faith and love for the divine, even amid challenges and separation. This concept is called Viraha Bhakti, or the devotion of separation, which deepens the love through longing (yes, we are aware of the Hannigram implications lol).

In spiritual literature, Radha represents the Jivatma (individual soul), while Krishna represents the Paramatma (universal soul or God). Their love story, therefore, illustrates the journey of the individual soul towards merging with the divine, embodying a love that is selfless, transcendent, and eternal. Radha’s love is seen as the highest form of Bhakti (devotion), where the devotee loses all sense of self in their devotion to God.

The Child of Hannibal would embody this devotion, and having been raised by him specifically, they would be quite the embodiment, considering Hannibal is extremely spiritual.

They would be devoted to their source of life, which means Hannibal and mother, until they found their soulmate and that devotion would then find another vessel.

The Hierophant and Hannibal himself would make them extremely academic, and intellectual, with an interest in occult philosophy and alchemy.

Let's cook them up:

Radha's devotion could manifest in adoring/childlike eyes.

If conventionally attractive, they would tweak something in their appearance to be slightly off putting, yet not too much such as alternative fashion and make up, due to the nature of still wanting to be harmonious and accepted. Just a little detail to make them stand out, to make them appear exotic, even if they aren't naturally.

There is something classical about them, considering the traditionalist approach of The Hierophant, and Hannibal's taste. Even if outside of societal standards, they still exude a classical, "cleanness" allure.

Something about them resembles a doll, a thing that was made, "God's work". Something crafted with effort and devotion, yet something that has internal space, ready to be filled by its creator's influence.

Although we talked about the integration of both sexes, I am using generally feminine examples because of two reasons: one being that the vast majority of the fandom seems to prefer Will and Hannibal having daughters, which is a form of self insert, and secondly because if Hannibal could choose he would definitely choose a replacement for Mischa. Anything that resembles her would be his preference. And also that he has such a girl-dad vibe lol.

But you can apply these things to whatever gender or presentation you prefer.

To embody their aura you can chant the mantra Aim.

Aim is the seed mantra of Sarasvati, the Goddess of knowledge and speech, the consort of Lord Brahma, the Creator in the Hindu trinity of great Gods. As such, Aim aids us in learning, art, expression and communication and is good for promoting learning and education.

Aim is also the mantra of the guru and helps us access all higher knowledge. It can be used to call or to invoke wisdom and understanding. It indicates motivation, direction and will-power. It can orient us toward whatever we are seeking. It increases concentration of mind and awakens our higher intelligence (Buddhi).

Now, if you want an intuitive reading of the child and their father, based in canon and energies, here it is:

Because Hannibal has a strange obsession over Mischa, he would have spoiled the daughter, she/they would most likely have their way every time, unlike Will's child, for example, although that's a different topic.

Let's call them Lilya, for the sake of making this easier.

Lilya is a brilliant child with an attitude problem that gets her in trouble but never truly punished because they can't never understand how exactly she's guilty or what she did, precisely, due to an incredible ability to manipulate (The Magician and daddy's influence). Hannibal can't never punish her as well, the only thing he does is lock her up in the office and makes her read some obscure book and write an essay on it.

She is polite, has impeccable manners, but until she reaches maturity, she has a hard time hiding her excessive arrogance.

She begins killing early on, always displaying a good sense of precision and cleanness, yet a different method of selection than Dad. She seems to choose whoever she finds beyond help of betterment, or those who have her experience rejection/heartbreak.

Hannibal keeps a close eye, but allows autonomy.

They are affectionate with each other, but Lilya does not initiate touch, or endures it too much, she tends to internalize physical contact as psychological restriction, probably due to some sort of behavior Hannibal had of holding her too tightly as a baby or something like that. Could also be because she, out of all people, is very intimate with her father's overwhelming influence, therefore she tends to have a limited tolerance for physical intimacy.

She's a talented musician, and "argumentalist". Ahead of her class, leader of all groups she finds herself.

Upon meeting Will's daughter, she wants to immediately obliterate her for stirring such intense emotions in her body. That one can illicit a reaction in just about anyone, but that's a conversation for another day.

They eventually become close, but Lilya forever resents the force the other girl has over herself and others, without effort. While Lilya finds she needs to think, plan and elaborate how to influence and manipulate.

Will is weary of her, she dislikes him very much, and when union occurs, they have a classic step-parent situation where there is acceptance and tolerance but not intimacy or love. Lilya dislikes the power Will has over the fortitude of her father and resents that their lives crumbled down because of Will. But eventually accepts him around.

She would despise Abigail, if Hannibal even had an interest in Abigail had he already had a daughter, but maybe so, to bond with Will, and Lilya would see her as competition and a liability. She would see Abigail as weak, because she cannot accept her true nature, and honor her own father, which is bestial to Lilya, who is proud to be like her father, even though his influence overwhelms her.

She would most likely try to kill Abigail, and have an emotional reaction that would make Hannibal have to express to her that she cannot be replaced.

This would also create a resistance between her and Will. Although Will's daughter dislikes Abigail for the same reason, granting them to bond over it, exactly like their dads, but for an opposite reason. Although Will's daughter would not try to literally kill Abigail, as she is a lot more mature and pondered. She ultimately feels sorry for Abigail, and Lilya despises her.

Enough lore on Lilya? Anyway, hope you were entertained.

Her name means purity, or night in Arabic.

Some aesthetics that remind me of her style:

[lenaellsi]

What are your gomens s3 predictions for crowley?

WELL

I have three categories of predictions. I know where I would take the character, but the show surprises me so often that I don't expect to get it right. Just for fun, though, and under the cut because it got so fucking long:

1. He sleeps/binge drinks/otherwise disengages from the world straight through to the start of S3.

The Crowley of S2 is, in a lot of ways, more stable than the Crowley of the Crowley of S1, but I think he's also more depressed. His only purpose was survival from the moment he Fell to the moment he and Aziraphale quit their jobs, and now that he has to live, he's completely directionless. He doesn't understand (and has never understood) how he fits into the universe, how angels and demons generally fit into the universe, and what the point is if God can just wipe them all out for any reason. He doesn't believe in any part of the Good/Evil system. Aziraphale leaving--and confirming some of his greatest fears about the foundations of their relationship along the way--could be enough to send Crowley into an apathetic coma for a bit.

So I can see it happening, but my instinct says that's not where they'll go with it. Crowley tends to fall back on his escape methods only when he truly sees no other way out. In S1, he tried to drink himself to death only when Aziraphale was gone and, to his knowledge, there was no way to locate the Antichrist and even try to stop Armageddon. A few episodes before that, he proposed leaving only because Aziraphale hadn't shared Adam's location, and because Hell was actively hunting him. Once he learned where Adam was--once there was a sliver of a chance to save the world--he drove through Hellfire to do it. Crowley's not afraid to work through tough situations, he's just always aware of how fragile things are, and is prone to feeling angry and hopeless when he sees no path forward. And of course he is--it's his oldest wound, and his deepest, that he and everything he loves will always be at the whims of ineffability, and that there's nothing he can do about it.

But in S3, since he's not at the point where the destruction of the Earth seems inevitable yet:

2. Crowley will form his own plan to stop the Second Coming.

This is what I think will happen. Crowley loves Earth. He loves humanity. He was the one to talk Aziraphale into stopping Armageddon, the one to toast "to the world" at the end of S1. The planned destruction of the universe is the exact thing that caused him to Fall. Crowley is his own person outside of his relationship with Aziraphale, and that person has a long history of fighting and scheming and suffering for the sake of humanity.

He's also a very active character. He is consistently the one making plans, moving the plot forward, trying to enact change. He saw the schematics in Heaven, and I really do think he'll do his best to come up with a plan to stop them, even though he's understandably very upset.

I don't think it'll be a good plan. If I had to guess (without knowing any specifics of the plot) I think he'll either try to disrupt the delivery of Christ to Earth or try to cut Heaven and Hell off from Earth entirely. He has no allies, no support, and very little reason to be cautious in his approach, which leads me to why you probably sent this ask:

Option 3: As above, only this time the plan is either not something he plans to survive, or his own survival is not something he is particularly concerned about.

So the thing about Crowley is that I really don't think he has any substantial issues with self-loathing, or any active desire to do himself harm. He is a survivor; he values safety and contingency and isolation above most things. But he values three things more: 1) freedom of choice, 2) Earth, and 3) Aziraphale.

He's a very angry, very impulsive person, and he is dealing with a lot unresolved feelings on the issue of demons and angels existing in the universe at all, and he loves Aziraphale and the Earth so dearly that sometimes he doesn't think straight. He's reckless, he's pissed off, he's feeling hopeless, and, after their fight, he's also convinced that Aziraphale would probably be able to move on from losing him. (In his mind, 'Crowley' is not the person Aziraphale would mourn; he would mourn the dead angel he's been chasing since the Fall.) If a plan presents itself that would be dangerous to him, I think he would see no reason not to try it. If you've gotta go, go with style.

So, yeah. I don't think it's likely, for all sorts of reasons--this is a comedy show, a Bible parody, and the tone is always going to be a little lighter than the angstiest possible conclusion, final fifteen aside. But the self-sacrificial route is one I can see Crowley taking, and his inevitable survival and reunion with Aziraphale would have an aftermath that would be messy and painful and fascinating to watch. It would also have some obvious thematic resonance with Christ, a figure I assume they'll be exploring quite a bit in S3, so that would be kinda cool.

(Thoughts on the Duke of Hell theory, with a general warning it's not my favorite, so don't read if that'll upset you:)

Very much not for me, sorry. Crowley, for all he is a master of on-the-fly (ha) bullshitting, is not suited for playing politics. (Neither is Aziraphale, for what it's worth.) Crowley is too outspoken, too honorable, and too prone to fits of temper to have any patience for that kind of role. Besides that, he absolutely does not want it. He hates Hell just as much as he hates Heaven. I don't think he would ever go back to either of them, consequences be damned.

I also think that there's no practical way it could even happen? Beelzebub only offered him the role out of desperation to find Gabriel, and even then, it was almost certainly a lie. With Beelzebub gone, every single person in a position of power in Hell hates Crowley. And if they tried to dupe him into it the way the Metatron did, he'd run and not look back.

[crimeronan]

Hello, got a TOH question for you! I'm trying to write a scene from only-slightly-canon-divergent!Luz's POV, and to dismay finding I'm struggling with it. Any pro tips for writing her you can pass on to someone who didn't study at Luz University? 😅

aw, this is a sweet ask. i'm flattered to be considered a resident luz expert! and i LOVE an excuse to infodump. this got long i'm sorry i just love thinking about. my girl.

luz is usually pretty whimsical and optimistic (which is why her later self-destruction hits so hard), she believes in people and she believes in The Triumph Of Good Over Evil. she's weird and doesn't understand social norms but she cares So Much, About Everything, Ever. she believes that things will work themselves out like they do in stories, she sometimes steps on people's toes when she's trying to fix a situation, she loves an underdog story and it's constantly getting her into trouble.

i think the biggest three things for me when writing luz POV are these:

-

she is UNRELENTINGLY kind and trusting.

this is her biggest strength - she's constantly befriending her enemies through the sheer power of earnestness. and this is how she makes and keeps friends like willow, gus, and eda.

this is also one of her biggest weaknesses - she gave hunter back his staff in hunting palismen when she Really Should Not Have, she didn't pick up on philip's Bad Vibes, etc.

she truly honest-to-god believes the best in everyone and is surprised and hurt whenever they disappoint her.

-

2. she has NO impulse control and CRIPPLINGLY hyperactive ADHD.

luz is all over the place, constantly. her thoughts and hyperfixations go a mile a minute. she can devour a book in a day and learn a conlang in a week, but she can't sit still and she has the type of ADHD that makes traditional classroom learning borderline-impossible.

outside of school, you see this constantly in the decisions she makes, or rather the decisions she Doesn't make. luz always blurts out exactly what she's thinking, when she's thinking it. she always thinks that her first solution to a problem is the best one & rarely plans beyond that. she's not an analytical strategist. in fact she's frequently fucking up everybody else's plans by..... just. being luz.

the fact that luz always says and does whatever she's thinking is, again, one of her greatest strengths: she is SO earnest and genuine, and it makes it easy for people to believe in her. she loves SO openly and is so lovable in turn.

it's also one of her greatest weaknesses because. oh my god, girl. challenging boscha to a witch's duel on willow's behalf. angrily shouting straight-up heresy about belos in public in hollow mind. all the shit that got her into trouble in the human realm before she ran away. u know

-

3. she is Desperately Afraid of hurting people.

i'd say she's afraid of being a Bad Person (TM), but i do think her fear is more specific. in WAD, her nightmare isn't exactly about having committed atrocities herself -- she doesn't even believe she could have! she knows she didn't create the statue graveyard, she immediately tells amity "i don't know what's going on, but i wouldn't have done this."

all of her fears are related to things her friends & family went through after meeting her.... she's terrified that she's going to hurt the people she loves, no matter how much she tries not to. she's terrified that her presence in the world is harmful by itself.

same with her rant in the classroom in TTT. when she says "it would be better if he [i] never existed," she even says (paraphrasing) "who cares about the broader impacts or the greater good. who cares if he was a hero or wanted to do the right thing. it doesn't matter!!! what matters is that he ruined everything anyway!!!!"

her anxiety with papa titan reflects this, too. "doesn't that make us just like belos??" she's figuring out how to navigate the world and complex morality and she's terrified of getting it Wrong. she already feels like she's done everything wrong & it's completely shaken her sense of self. she doesn't trust herself not to hurt people or to work for evil because she doesn't have a clear understanding of what separates her ideology from belos's.

this third point often isn't relevant in fluffy/lighthearted fic because luz's optimism, joy, and simple zest for life are Definitely dominant in her character. but it is VERY relevant when doing character studies or angstier writing exploring her headspace in situations where she feels guilty or afraid.

-

everything else is set dressing. she's quirky and weird, she's bouncy and stimmy, she loves bats and rats and snakes and bugs and creepy crawlies, she loves gross shit, she loves shipping and romance and sweeping high fantasy, she gets Deeply invested in every random plan she ever conceives, and she is Astonishingly easy to love because of how easily she loves.

you don't have to keep every single detail of this in mind when writing her!! this was just a nice excuse to gush about my girl who i love so so so so so fucking much. luz love of my life daughter of my heart FOREVER.

[iratusmus]

so bizarre to me when people give fiona a redemption arc like making her evil wasnt literally like the fundamental core of making her an actually interesting character. like . ok actually i was mostly planning on just leaving the post as this but im going to make a proper post whining about this because ive seen it far too often for my liking.

it appears to me that a lot of people do this because they dislike fiona/scourge which is like. sure i get it. but you could literally just... break them up . and have her continue being awful on her own. like scourge is not the reason she switched sides and i find the idea. 1) a bit misogynistic frankly but thats more of a personal gripe than anything else like god forbid a woman make bad choices of her own volition and not because a man forced her hand into doing it (YES i am aware that abuse makes this more complicated than that but also we .... already have a relationship in archie sonic that fits this exact bill. yes it wasnt written well but the wonder of fan works is that you can always make it better. so why are we repeating it again 1:1) and 2) demeaning to the point of her character.

like. ok. lets go over the facts real quick. as a kid fiona got put in robotnik's salt mines and got accidentally left behind bc sonic & co couldnt find her. she realized that nobody was going make the effort to go save her, so she dug herself out and started life on the run as a treasure hunter/thief. she didnt ever really accept the fact that sonic and mighty not saving her wasnt really their fault, and even after becoming a freedom fighter, nobody ever said anything or apologized or said "hey wow that kind of sucks you went through all that". she never really made any actual friends within the ff or formed any meaningful bonds. she starts dating sonic, but its pretty clear that the only reason they're dating is that she's his rebound post The Slap. the moment her history with bean & bark came up - after she used that knowledge to save everybody - sally immediately turns on her and sonic is the only person to try to stick up for her. as bark and bean leave, bean also insinuates that fiona isnt really a freedom fighter, and that she's still basically one of them.

fiona is a "bad" trauma survivor. when i say "bad" i mean in opposition to the ideal tumblr trauma survivor - the sad poor uwu bean whose trauma only inclines them hurt themselves and they become more sympathetic kind etc. as a result. fiona, on the other hand, blames sonic (whose fault this is, frankly, not) for her experiences, and becomes more jaded and mean. she has no real support system and people repeatedly tell her that she hasnt changed and that she wont change and she cant change. shes already got all this baggage by the time her relationship with scourge starts carrying actual weight - he's offering her a way out. if none of them are ever going to really accept her being "good", then she might as well just give into her worst impulses and join hands with scourge, who, notably, has no stake in this - he doesnt have any obligation to be her friend like the freedom fighters, and more than that he likes her specifically because of the part of her that everybody else hates. the important part here is that he encouraged her to switch sides, he didnt make her switch sides.

id say fiona's character in a writing sense is an exploration of the failings of the freedom fighters to support a trauma victim, and how those failings, while unintentional, lead that victim to specifically turn against them. she says "ok actually screw all of you guys" and gives up on trying to be good because nobody ever gave her any real encouragement and decides to put herself on a path of self-destructive revenge and inflicting her misery onto the general population. we can also recall at this point that this motivation is entirely removed from scourge and you can literally break them up and still keep her evil.

the other important point here is that she purposefully chose that path of turning evil as opposed to leaving the freedom fighters or going somewhere else or like literally doing anything else. she literally could have just left but she did not and thats what makes her Interesting. prompted by her unhealed trauma and personal baggage she made those bad choices for herself, and frankly i cannot for the life of me understand why people think that walking back that character development (and yes i mean character development. character development can also mean getting worse) for ..... what. snarky but with a heart of gold generic protagonist girl? come on guys

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

idk if ur gonna see this or anything but i fully relapsed pretty bad into my ed about two months ago. I've had god knows how many recoveries and relapses and I always seem to end up back in. i want out this time and i want out for good, i don't want to spend the rest of my life doing this. any advice?

Hi there, anon! I did see this. I get to everything in my askbox eventually, if it's something I'm able to put on my blog.

I'm sorry to hear you've been having so much trouble staying well. I don't know exactly what you've tried so far, but here's the advice I can give:

Are you surrounded by supportive people? If you can, find friends you trust to confide in about the issues you've been having. Think about what they can do to be supportive, whether it be reminding you to be soft about your body image or reminding you how they hope you are healthy and eating well. We all need to learn to love ourselves, but outside support from the right people can give us a big, big boost when we find ourselves needing it most. Building a support system also gives you people to reach out to when you're struggling. That can be hard and scary, but it can also be a resource.

Speaking of resources, is therapy open to you? I don't know if you're able to access therapeutic resources, but a therapist might be able to help you develop coping mechanisms for the issues you might be struggling with that keep you coming back to your ED. I'm also going to preface this next statement by saying that I am not an expert on DBT, and that what I'm going to tell you next is just something I heard during a brief overview of DBT during a training we had at work recently. However, apparently a big premise in DBT is about learning coping strategies to get through those moments of crisis we experience without resorting to the destructive impulses we may have. "Whatever you do, don't make it WORSE" is an excellent thing to remember in crisis. Sometimes you can just...do nothing, and ride out the feeling until it passes, and then work through it later. Or use a coping strategy. Once you've practiced that, maybe you can learn positive responses to your moments of crisis to help you deal with them productively. That way you may learn to better resist urges to relapse - or to pull yourself out of a lapse before it becomes a full relapse. (Be honest but kind to yourself when doing this - shame may only make the lapse worse! Those of us with EDs are often prone to using shame as a motivator, which can sometimes work well in the short term but is terrible for us in the long term.)

It's hard for me to give specific advice without knowing what your ED is like, but perhaps you can use timed reminders to hold yourself accountable to consistently practicing self care before, during, and after eating. Especially when you're going places like - out to a restaurant with friends and family, event where surprise food might be offered, holiday party, etc. Self-care can be whatever works for you - writing down positive affirmations, meditating, taking a long hot bath, taking a little walk and moving your body, gently reminding the bully in your head that what they're saying to you is not helpful to you in the long run, doing some stretches, creating some art...literally whatever self-care looks like for you, but create a self-care regimen around eating properly. Create a self-care regimen for lapses, too. Hopefully you won't need it, but understand that self-care means investing in resources and safety nets for yourself in the event that you might have a hard time, rather than punishing yourself by letting yourself fail. Think about it in advance so that you are not struggling to come up with a self-care plan when you're already in crisis: what are you going to need in order to help gently pull yourself out of a lapse? Failing is human and struggling is common in eating disorders. Learning to be kind to yourself when you fail and growing from your mistakes is a huge part of ED recovery, since we tend to be big self-punishers.

Hope this helps! You can tell me a little more about your ED for more specific advice if you want to, but you don't have to. I hope you find your way back to your own healing path, anon. <3

[kazooku]

Introducing Casey Windro, the time traveling menace!!

God Casey's been one of my favorite OCs ever since I made it back in January. I'm so glad that I can finally post about it now. It's also been kinda my punching bag lately oops. They're an MCU OC and the first of probably many. I'm also trying to figure out ways to insert Casey into other Marvel medias, but for now, they're MCU only.

Casey's whole gimmick is that they're a time traveler who can't change the past. It is a snap survivor. The snap happened when it was 10, and despite none of their family snapping they're two only friends did. Casey doesn't have the best relationship with its family, even from an early age. It's dad was constantly busy, and it's mom had an idea of what she wanted Casey to be and ignored them whenever they drifted from that idea, which was often. It's friends were their family, and that family was gone.

The 5 years that the snap lasted Casey retreated into itself. It didn't try to get close to anyone again because there was no point to it. The people they were close to disappeared into thin air, and the irrational voice in their head said it'll happen again if they did. In the middle of the snap, their great grandma died and left it her pocket watch. The watch was broken and had been broken for as long as Casey could remember, so they made it their mission to fix it.

They fixed it a month after the snap was reversed and with it unlocked time travel but with a cost. Casey could not change any major events. No matter how hard it tried, it couldn't stop the snap. It acted out. Causing chaos but impossible to leave lasting damage. It got on a certain spider's radar for that reason and possibly gained a new friend.

Casey is no longer close to the friends they once considered friends. They're 5 years older now. If asked it would say the Casey they knew died and they deserve better than the shell of their old self that they are.

Casey uses it/they and is a triple A battery (Aromantic, Asexual, and Agender) and a lesbian.

Running out of text space on Instagram and added more in comments so lemme just add those here

When it stops traveling back it needs to relearn consequences. They could do whatever they wanted in the past without a real effect. Now in the present they turn reckless and self destructive forgetting that there's no undoing what happens. They're rash impulsive. It takes a few good years in therapy to get these behaviors under control.

They stop time traveling mostly after a year. It doesn't completely stop but there's larger gaps in between. The people around them who know are getting them to see the damage they're doing to themself through this.

I'm being purposely vague here on the friendship between Casey and Peter but they are close. Starting off as mutual annoyances to inseparable.

Might talk about it more in another post but Casey actually dodges the spell in NWH. They get into an argument and Casey storms off into the past. When they come back and no one remembers him they're confused as hell. It takes them 2 months to track him down and break into his apartment.

Casey is autistic adhd like me lol. Can't write an OC without that oops. Anyways it has a special interest in crow bars. It's weird, it's strange, but they love them. Their favorite is a white one with hello kitty painted on it.

I have a design and plot for a timeskip Casey. I will draw them eventually and talk more there but!! It takes place when Casey is 20 and is them getting into shit with their college friends and occasionally dragging Peter along. They are an English major btw

Working on a Spiderverse Casey variant. So far the plan is the snap is never undone and while time traveling Casey gets frustrated and tells Peter he will die and he tells them yo take over. After failing to change the past they give in and become the new Spider-Man but going by a different name.

They start getting therapy at 17

It has fangs because pre snap friend dared it to file their teeth. It did. The fangs are sensitive to temperature.

Originally posted on May 23rd on Instagram

[sharoscylla]

Tell Us About Your Tav Askmeme Go!!! 6, 7, 11, 13, 19, 24, 29!

6. Ripley's face is heavily scarred! She has a broad, rough, self-inflicted horizontal scar across her nose and cheeks from the time she was almost convinced to peel her own face off (she did not succeed in this!) and she has a long scar that starts on her forehead, goes down the left side of her face (her left, viewer's right) and down to her jaw, which came from a device designed to extract and examine specific memories! (Fun fact: that device, and that scar, were both written into her backstory in the One Sword series in late 2016, but in the context of BG3... well! Let's just say she's going to have an EXTREMELY NORMAL REACTION to seeing the zaith'isk at the githyanki creche!)

7. - I've answered this one! :3

11. Deception, Performance, and Persuasion! They were all +15 by the end lmao

13. I didn't know about some of the silly options tbh.... sometimes Ripley did get very silly with it though hehe

19. - I've answered this one too :3

24. Ripley lived in Baldur's Gate for about 6 months before the nautiloid got her! She wanted to study magic enough to do fun tricks and Speak With Animals and she's way too impatient to learn it wizard-style, so she started trying to learn how to be a bard. She had the most stable life she's... really ever had, there. She was working at a job she liked very much as a barmaid/Serving Wench, she was making some friends, causing extreme terror among the upper class because she was, you know, a lvl 20 fuckin god-killing ranger who decided to pick one extremely wealthy noble and dedicated a lot of her free time to making his life a living hell, and even found herself planning a new life with [REDACTED] that she would have never thought remotely possible, after losing Ford. Of course, her mental illness caught up to her on what would have been her wedding day and she called it off in a fit of self loathing. She might have been convinced to go back and figure things out without reacting to being loved with her insane, self-destructive poor impulse control, but then, you know, the nautiloid got her. Oops.

I'm sure it's fine though :3

29. After Baldur's Gate is saved Ripley is going to have about ten-fifteen minutes of panicking because she doesn't feel like she's ready to be a person again. Luckily for her, [ANOTHER REDACTED] is going to reach out with an urgent request for help, so she's gonna bring [FIRST REDACTED] on an extremely divorced buddy comedy/intervention road trip to help their other friend get through some stuff, since, you know, god forbid Ripley spend more than a few moments feeling like nobody needs her. :3

[7ban-sama]

Isn’t that weird that the Red House didn’t show Kou a way to extend Yashiro’s lifespan?

The Red House (and the Well God) work through a sort of 'equivalent exchange', where it cannot offer anything more than what is provided to it. In general, the world seems to operate on a principle of, you can't make something out of nothing. Hence, our current Mitsuba is shakily held together using the materials of other kaii all mushed up, and he has to keep eating to stay alive... etc.

Once Kou is shown his 'ultimate wish' of having his mother back again, Tsukasa outlines to him that if this is what he wants, then he could exchange Nene to have it.

Which tracks, because it would be exchanging one life for another. The assumption is also that all the previous wishes shown to Kou were also offering in exchange for Nene. She would be the price paid.

If Kou wanted to extend her lifespan... what could he offer in exchange for that-? Logically, all he would have on hand to offer for her, is his own life. Though, given that Nene is a kannagi, and her lifespan is tied to the destruction of the yorishiro — her destiny possibly entangled with powerful forces — I'm not entirely sure if Kou's own life could be 'enough' to compensate...? Which would be my best guess as why it wouldn't be offered to him. I do believe that Kou wants to save Nene, as much as he is considering saving Mitsuba, or wants to make things work between him and his brother, etc... I figure, it's not that it wasn't on his mind, per se...

That being said, I'm also not sure if the Red House could suggest someone offer themselves... if they didn't have that intention on their own? With the history of the Well God and humans, (as far as we've seen) people have always chosen to give up other lives in exchange for something they want. The village people were designating sacrifices to exchange for protection... I assume Tsukasa is... a very distinct case, to be so willing to give up his entire life, in exchange for Amane's. Essentially, I think he has a unique suicidal swag about him.

If I press my brain... I know that in PP, Kou was boldly willing to offer to die to be with Mitsuba. He doesn't even hesitate, and tries to gun for this fate. However, since then, he's learned from Natsuhiko how a human can become a kaii, and seems to understand that it's not just about dying. We don't know what Kou was told yet...

... but he seems rather severe in the moments he mentions it to Nene. I think this whole scene has quite a heavy atmosphere to it.

Whatever Kou learned that day, it's made him more pensive about what it means to become a kaii. Enough that he hesitates to inform Nene, clearly worried about what decisions she will proceed to make... It seems like he wouldn't want her to impulsively choose this fate.

Or maybe can't bear to share the truth…? (If it's upsetting, jarring, defeating, or anything like that…)

By contrast, Nene is more clueless and uninformed in this scene, and in the Far Shore arc, she's closer to Kou's past mindset, of wanting to die to be with Hanako. However, she receives a brutal talk from Hanako to make her reconsider what it would mean to become a kaii, in ch 91... I assume that it's not a decision anyone is meant to take lightly.

So with that all in mind, I wonder if Kou, by the time of the Red House... couldn't conceptualize a self-sacrifice like that anymore? It's also Kou who later chastises Tsukasa, and I do think the point of that entire exchange, is that Tsukasa underestimated his own value. He leapt to the conclusion that Amane hated him, didn't want him around, and that it would be better for everyone if he just disappeared. Tsukasa couldn't understand the impact his loss could create.

Reflecting on this all... hmm, it's making me think about this from a writer's perspective. For starters — the 'drop' of how the house works is given to us after Kou actually pauses long enough on a wish.

He says it himself, if he could have a wish granted, it seems that this would be the one. I don't think anything else would make him hesitate enough to actually consider it.

Once that's all established, Tsukasa explains how the exchange works, and then Kou demands Tsukasa explain what his wish was / which would entail, what would Tsukasa sacrifice? This segues us to the reveal that it was himself.

Iro-sensei sets up the story very intentionally, for events to flow into one another. I would assume that Kou being offered to give himself up for Nene was simply not a necessary story-beat, because we're going to explore this concept more thoroughly through Tsukasa. It'd be a little... redundant? To watch Kou deny this, I suppose? Right before seeing Tsukasa do so?

It's a major reveal, to learn that Tsukasa sacrificed himself... it tells us a whole new facet about him — whereas for Kou, it'd be rehashing what we already know he has been capable of. If anything, this was forgone, if only to preserve the ah... ~cinematic~ quality of learning about the past of such a mysterious, central character. No offense but... I also think the twins' history is deeper and more poignant than Kou and Nene's friendship. It's... more... beautiful... for this gesture to happen between them. Simple as that.

I assume Kou is simply in a different mental state for the Red House. There's multiple points in the manga where we reiterate the preciousness of life... and the irreplaceable nature of someone you love. I think the Red House even, explicitly forces Kou to really think about the meaning of loss, by making him see Mitsuba and his mother.

Basically, he's primed to NOT want to sacrifice himself...

In conclusion, I assume the house didn't offer Kou anything wrt Nene's lifespan because of either: a technical detail (not having anything to offer) / or a thematic one (we're going to address that self-sacrifice comes at the expense of leaving behind your loved ones.) Those are my best guesses.

[moonflvver]

characters: Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki x reader

warnings: angst with comfort

synopsis: reader and katsuki get into yet another argument about his inability to take care of himself which leads to him opening up about his inferiority complex

a/n: none

w/c: 931

He was running his fingers through his hair as his jaw clenched. “What the fuck do you want from me then? What do you want? Because I just can’t figure it out. No matter what I do for you it’s never enough.”

You sighed, you were getting tired of having the same argument with him over and over again. And now of course he was turning this on you. Of course Bakugou Katsuki just couldn’t fucking admit that he was in the wrong for once.

“What I want is for you to care about yourself Katsuki. I want you to stop overexerting yourself and coming home with an injury every other night. I want to trust that you’ll be safe when you’re out there.” You were trying your hardest not to let him hear your voice shake but it cracked mid-sentence nonetheless.

It was just too much. God you loved him, of course you did. But he was too stubborn for his own good and he refused to stop pushing himself to the very edge of his limits. Bakugou is a star. I mean it sounds silly to say but it’s true.

He’s not just good at what he does, he’s great. But there’s something in him that refuses to let him enjoy what he has at any given moment and that’s the problem. They say that the stars that shine the brightest burn out the fastest and you know Katsuki better than anyone, so it’s clear to you that he’s just one mission away from crashing and burning. Which is why you can’t stop. If he won’t care for himself then you have to do it for him.

“You don’t get it do you? I can’t just stop doing my job. People need me, people depend on me. I keep this city safe. I won’t drop it all just for you.” He shouted back.

“Just for me, are you serious? Do I really mean that little to you, that you’d choose your own self destructive tendencies over me?” You’re crying now, tears are running down your face as you look at him. “I need you too, Katsuki.” You mumble, looking up at him.

Fuck. He looks exhausted and you’re sure that you don’t look any better, especially not after all of the crying you’ve been doing. But it’s clear that the long hours he’s been working have taken a serious toll on him and it makes you sob just a bit harder.

His head is in his hands now as he says, “Shit y/n I didn’t mean that. I just-” But before he can finish you stop him.

“I can’t watch you implode like this, I can’t stand by while you do this to yourself. I was so stupid to think that you’d actually change. But it doesn’t matter. You’re still that same impulsive, stubborn little kid that you were in highschool.” He knows you don’t mean it, he can tell by the fatigue that’s evident in your voice. You’re done. You’re clearly just grasping for straws at this point. There’s no fight left in you anymore and it’s all his fault. Fuck, of course he ended up pushing away the one person who’s remained consistently by his side.

The person who makes him lunch, who reminds him to take care of himself. Who always texts him on patrol asking him how he is no matter how late it is. He can’t let you leave, he just can’t. He wants to scream, he wants to fucking cry, he wants to let himself crash and burn and he doesn’t want you picking up the pieces. He just wants to be left alone but there’s a part of him that needs you more than the air that he breathes. And that part of him just can’t allow you to go.

He’s taken you for granted, he knows that. He knew that his rise to the top would put a strain on your relationship but he had convinced himself that he would be able to figure it out. I mean of course he would, Bakugo Katsuki can do anything. Right? Anything except for preventing himself from getting completely and utterly blindsided by his own goals apparently.

You’re grabbing your keys to walk out and take a breather but then he stands up, abruptly grabbing your arm.

You look up at him in mild shock. “Bakugou what are you-”

“Don’t go.” He says, and it comes out as a quiet whisper. “Please don’t go, I’m sorry. Okay? I am so fucking sorry, just please don’t leave.” You don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so desperate.

He looks down, lets your wrist drop. And now he’s just waiting for you to say anything, anything at all. You sigh, dropping your keys back down onto the table. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He echoes back as his head comes up and you see that his eyes are full of tears.

You step forward taking him into your arms and he buries himself into your chest as you stroke his back. You inhale that familiar caramel scent that always seems to linger around him, a scent that reminds you of home, a scent that never fails to make you melt into his arms. He makes you feel so at home whenever you’re near him, you just want to hold onto him forever. You open your mouth and just as you’re about to say something to him he pulls away, pausing for a moment.

“I know.” He says quietly. “I know that it’s been hard for you. It’s just that no matter what I do, no matter how much I achieve it’s just that. Fuck. It’s never enough.” There are tears falling from his eyes. His long lashes are coated in the salty drops of water that won’t stop cascading down his face as he continues, “I get into this insane mindset that I could just be doing everything better, that I could be stronger, that I need to try harder. And I end up pushing you away. I end up hurting you and it’s not fair to you and I’m just really tired.” His voice cracks as he finishes and all you want right now is to take away everything that’s weighing on him and put the burden on yourself.

Really that’s all you’ve ever wanted, just to make him hurt a little less. Because seeing him like this makes your heart ache. How could he ever think that he was anything less than good enough? Katsuki Bakugou is a star. And sometimes his light is blinding and it overwhelms you. But he’s also capable of illuminating everyone and everything around him. And he needs to know how important he is.

You close the distance between the two of you and you swipe your thumb under his eyes hoping to clear away his tears. Your hand lingers for a moment and then you cup his face. “Listen to me. You are good enough. I get that it’s hard, I know how much pressure you put on yourself. But I need you to know that I see it. Even if no one else does. I see how much of yourself you’re putting into your job, I see how deeply you care.”

He’s staring at you, practically dumbfounded. But then his eyes soften, “Thank you. Thank you for seeing me.” It comes out almost as a sigh, like he’s finally able to let go of the air that his lungs have been holding in for the past half-hour. His shoulders relax and your hands find their way into his hair as you bring him into your chest once again, mumbling into his hair. “How could I not see you? You’re too bright to ignore.”

[ifiwasurgf]

SUCCESSION ENDING : MAJOR SPOILERS

below, i write about change, and succession as a war story 🎯

say what you want about succession's relationship with the theme of change, but that is something that each sibling does undergo, simply because they're human, and nothing else. it is fundamental to life itself. coming from the small and particular world of the 0.001%, this is ultimately a show about humanity. naturally, they can’t escape their limitations as human beings, due either to the cyclical nature of abuse, their lack of self control and emotional regulation, or to the fact that even the most evolved of human beings have their limitations and end up repeating mistakes too. it's why we all love stories about (albeit) interesting inevitabilities. that's what succession is. that's what war is. compromise is change, and their lives are changed forever after that board meeting. they are forced into compromising, their lives forced into a state of surrender. they've been in survival mode, in action, for so long, that just the act of surrender is already a stark change. they all act accordingly.

shiv’s vote comes from a place of narcissism on her part. it triggers a cascade of following narcissistic and violent reactions from the two brothers which leads to the reveal that no one in that room is evolved and balanced enough - now in the viewer’s eyes (all hail the beautiful manipulation of television) - to run that haunted house of a company. a company destined to be taken over by tech because that is its own forced compromise in the world. all of it comes down to change. shiv’s vote is her sitting at that table and finding it impossible to bear the reality that it is not her at the top. she is the only one out of the three possessing the same vindictive maliciousness as logan, and we see that monster peer its head in that moment. she does it at first out of spite, as other characters in succession would normally do, but it’s only after kendall goes nut-nut (his famous words) that we start to see how originally tactless provocation is possibly for the best. she doesn’t “free” anyone. she’s just a person picking choices from a hat: a very limited, flawed hat with few options. she backs herself into a corner; she is now the wife of the ceo of waystar. she’s already transformed! at the start of the show, she’s an unmarried career woman with a submissive boyfriend. she is unrecognizable to us now, because she’s lost herself in this whole process. it was something she never even expected, which is why her life seemed to make some sense at the start of the show. i do find her story to be the most tragic of the three because of how unexpected and impulsive it all is. but motherhood will change her. there will be a lot of bad and, symbolically speaking, it’s a tragedy, but she will make some form of peace in that reality. all of her conflict stemmed from the false promise of ceo, it stemmed from her father. now that it’s gone, and he's gone, she doesn’t have anything to rub against anymore. she can only face her husband, her child, and her career. she won't admit the loss (that's the sad part) but she knows it deep within. and she will pick it up, and move along.

roman’s ending is the most hopeful. yes, he’s a self-hating, self-destructive time bomb in many ways, but he’s also the jester, known for his charisma, and capable of even sweetness. he's a sour candy; a boy, not a man. unfit to work and face reality. he’s been forced to change himself according to what people needed him to be his whole life. it explains the constant failure, because he isn’t a chameleon. constantly failing to properly listen to one's own intuition and desires is going to lead to an extremely messy life, which we see through his endless provocation and crossing of boundaries (social, political, sexual, etc.) that being said, this - losing the company - is once again, another compromise in his life and, by the grace of god, it isn’t a failure on his part this time around. everyone latches onto his words about everything being bullshit, and in that exact moment, he is absolutely right. but, ever notice how roman’s observations are almost always strictly tied to time, place, and situation? they are so rarely telling of the world at large. they aren’t meant to. they're meant to reveal the facade of that particular moment; what the audience has been thinking for those 5 minutes until roman opens his mouth, and then we can all sigh in relief. he's put our anxieties into words. his brazenness to do so does not make him a prophet. his words are to the audience more-so than the opposing character, because naturally, they won’t listen to him. it’s succession’s version of an aside in theatre (to me). if you put yourself inside his slimy head for a moment, in the end, roman is relieved. he drinks gerri’s martini, and he lets that bring him some comfort as he comes to notice how he isn’t the only sibling capable of catastrophic, world-ending failure. he laughs to himself, in a sense, “well, at least it wasn’t me.” that is not freedom. in fact, it’s quite petty. the remedy for a bruised ego. i also think that explains the ambiguous and slightly threatening nature of his smirk. it isn’t the manic smirk kendall has when he feels himself emulating his father, but the smirk of a man (not a boy) who wasn't the sacrificial lamb today, he was not the beaten puppy here. roman is no longer bearing the weight of everyone’s shame, and he finds genuine comfort in everyone being equally "bullshit", so as not to feel so alone. he has his own shame, more than enough of it. his problems will remain unresolved until that shame is dealt with - that is his life's burden - but in this moment, he languishes in the relief of not bearing expectation any longer. it could be argued that he ends up where he started. except, that isn't possible. what happened, happened. he drinks martinis now, he has grown. it may not look that way, which is why the smirk feels like an inside joke between him and the drink. he never even wanted the company, in part because he was never allowed to want anything, but it's all about the small freedoms, the inching forward, and accepting the grief. that's what rome's arc has been this season: a spiral and a landing, landing bruised but not dead. i can drink to that.

now, kendall, the modern day michael corleone, an apt parallel. the abuser and the abused. the sheer desperation he exudes is nothing short of terrifying. before that desperation is triggered by shiv's vote, he is seen - now burned forever into my brain as one of the most disturbing scenes in the whole show - cradling roman, squeezing him, letting him bleed, making him bleed. allowing for that dynamic to exist (the stronger dog, the weaker dog) makes way for that poison he so dreads. he is a walking nightmare in so many ways. he is what he fears, he fears what he is, he wants what he fears, he fears what he wants. all of it. he is definitely the most professionally competent, which is deeply ironic, because he is the most dissolved and watered-down of them all. while roman is someone who doesn't believe in truth and yet is capable of telling it like it is and being true in moments he doesn't even realize could be seen as honest and raw, kendall is the opposite. he believes that things are true, yet all of his beliefs are false. they are doctored, surgically altered, selective. that's why they're referred to as narratives. for an author of his own reality, his own in-shop puppetmaster, kendall loses track of his story more often than not, as he claims to not have killed the waiter (a chilling moment), showing how his deeply fractured state and the grip on his immovable desire for power come head to head. he cannot be the ceo, because that would make his narrative real, and it never was. it was always the promised kingdom, passed down to him at age 7, like a fairytale. another falsehood. so, he sits in the frame that he meticulously constructed. everything he can control points to a metamorphosis into his father: the park, the bodyguard, the attitude, the business. but alas, the world tells a different story. the ocean ebbs and flows before him, ever-changing. he has to now grapple with that truth, now that he has no control over this fairytale-turned-nightmare that has dissolved before his very eyes. the world is saying "no, find something else. keep going. you are not dead." new horizons, kenny. of course, he doesn't see it that way. i don't know if he falls into a depressive abyss, or becomes a more present father (god forbid), but there is definitely a shift. a forced change: compromise.

succession is ultimately a war story. they have been at war for 4 years, although sometimes it’s felt like their whole lives. now, they're out the other end. they're losers, who've betrayed and scarred each other time and time again, but their opponent is also dead. the occasional ceasefire has made enough room for innocence, play, and some fresh air, but it was always peripheral to the business. now, there is no more fighting. make do of what’s left of the ruins. pick it up, trudge forward. with shiv in purgatory, she is doomed to start over from the old, used-up parts she so despises. she's stuck, and must therefore bend. with roman in a heaven of blissful irony, his compromise is of no longer being a dog but a person with nothing but failure under his belt, as well as a healthy dose of charm, and to make that leap of accepting his humanity. with kendall in a hell of facing truths and false promises, he is forced to deal with plan b, as well as perhaps his real self - things that have never existed. each of these realities point to change. within the core of each person, of course they are all deeply wounded and will remain so; the wounds remain, we all know that. but life changes, its circumstances shifting like the waves of that very ocean kendall watches in despair. they are now forced to face a loss: the loss of their father, and of their war. out of that loss? the terrifying freedom of wanting something of their own.

[buglyknight]

322) Mom, Dad, I fear I am your son.

I am becoming forged in failure

I am starting to find things in me

Those things I feared I would find

I have my mother's appetite

Starved and somber

My father's passing indifference

A dispassionate apathy

I have their longing for chemical coping

Which one has a brain this loud

Manic mother?

Drinking her mind away?

Hateful slurs on her tongue?

Or the uncaring father?

Only found in finances?

Unlistening when his children are dying?

I am their son

Miserable as they are to a bitter end

Will I be my mother?

Hating her marriage

Threatening infidelity

Always asking about her happiness

Her trip to Hawaii

Demanding her lions share

While spitting on her children

While she replaces relationships

With a belly of wine

We all hear her sobbing openly

She is asking for help

In a house that does not want to hold her

She has pushed us away

Asks for pity without apology

She screams and then cries

Night after night

They go unanswered by everybody

Every door is kept closed.

Will I be my father?

Going to work

Coming home and sitting on the couch

Unflinching at berating

But demanding things follow his inscrutable laws

Laws he pulls from a Bible

He forces you to listen to every night

I don't fear God now,

I want to kill him.

Will I wait like he does?

Everyday without emotion?

My child telling me he wants to kill himself

I send him away with platitudes

"I've been there before, you'll get over it"

I find both of their ways displeasing

But passion evades me when you're not here

Will I just, settle and be like my hateful mother?

Or settle and be like my stonewall father?

They wonder why it is their child does not call or visit

As if they could do no wrong

That blood bonds like unbreaking shackles

Which one of them cries when they are angry, like I do?

Which one of them has anger that blisters into an intense self loathing?

Reflecting only ever inwards?

Which one has hot flashes of self destruction

The stabbing and slicing of a screwdriver on their arm

The broken misshaping of their knuckle

Did either of them have love like this

That was stripped away peel by peel

Until only husk was left?

If they were kinder

Would I not be such a fucking mosquito?

Would these scarred hands and wrists be gentle?

Would I have made it through, safely?

I go to the vape shop for the first time

To build some kind of Nicotine addiction

Not one that I crave

But just doing it-

To do it.

Impulse, simply impulse and apathy.

The girl working there is pretty

Her voice is nice

I want to compliment her

But instead I ask what her favorite flavor is

I don't end up getting that one

I think about asking her out

And how long it would take to trick her into loving me

Only to leave because she doesn't remind me enough of you

How long could I stuff her in a different shaped socket

Square peg into circle

Could she keep me pinned beneath delicate fingers?

Could I lie and be her pet?

Have her moan my name while I plant my face between her legs?

Lie to her and tell her I love her

And send her back to where she came when I've had my fill

How long would that process be

Months? Years?

What would she look like crying?

Realizing I'm just some

Charlatan

No love languages

Just languish

I call the vape shop after I leave

I compliment her when she picks up

Leave a kindness behind

Ruinous undertones distill into my mind

I resist my mosquito impulses

Quell the natural disaster that I am

I do not want answers

Maybe I'll end up as both.

[candlemystar]

We have been accustomed to thinking of religious ecstasy as a thing found only in primitive societies, though it frequently occurs in the most cultivated peoples. The Greeks, you know, really weren’t very different from us. They were a very formal people, extraordinarily civilized, rather repressed. And yet they were frequently swept away en masse by the wildest enthusiasms—dancing, frenzies, slaughter, visions—which for us, I suppose, would seem clinical madness, irreversible. Yet the Greeks—some of them, anyway—could go in and out of it as they pleased. We cannot dismiss these accounts entirely as myth. They are quite well documented, though ancient commentators were as mystified by them as we are. Some say they were the results of prayer and fasting, others that they were brought about by drink. Certainly the group nature of the hysteria had something to do with it as well. Even so, it is hard to account for the extremism of the phenomenon. The revelers were apparently hurled back into a non-rational, pre-intellectual state, where the personality was replaced by something completely different—and by ‘different’ I mean something to all appearances not mortal. Inhuman.

We don’t like to admit it but the idea of losing control is one that fascinates controlled people such as ourselves more than almost anything. All truly civilized people—the ancients no less than us—have civilized themselves through the willful repression of the old, animal self. Are we, in this room, really very different from the Greeks or the Romans? Obsessed with duty, piety, loyalty, sacrifice? All those things which are to modern tastes so chilling?

And it’s a temptation for any intelligent person, and especially for perfectionists such as the ancients and ourselves, to try to murder the primitive, emotive, appetitive self. But that is a mistake.

Because it is dangerous to ignore the existence of the irrational. The more cultivated a person is, the more intelligent, the more repressed, then the more he needs some method of channeling the primitive impulses he’s worked so hard to subdue. Otherwise those powerful old forces will mass and strengthen until they are violent enough to break free, more violent for the delay, often strong enough to sweep the will away entirely. For a warning of what happens in the absence of such a pressure valve, we have the example of the Romans. The emperors. Think, for example, of Tiberius, the ugly stepson, trying to live up to the command of his stepfather Augustus. Think of the tremendous, impossible strain he must have undergone, following in the footsteps of a savior, a god. The people hated him. No matter how hard he tried he was never good enough, could never be rid of the hateful self, and finally the floodgates broke. He was swept away on his perversions and he died, old and mad, lost in the pleasure gardens of Capri: not even happy there, as one might hope, but miserable. Before he died he wrote a letter home to the Senate. ‘May all the Gods and Goddesses visit me with more utter destruction than I feel I am daily suffering.’ Think of those who came after him. Caligula. Nero.

The Roman genius, and perhaps the Roman flaw was an obsession with order. One sees it in their architecture, their literature, their laws—this fierce denial of darkness, unreason, chaos. Easy to see why the Romans, usually so tolerant of foreign religions, persecuted the Christians mercilessly—how absurd to think a common criminal had risen from the dead, how appalling that his followers celebrated him by drinking his blood. The illogic of it frightened them and they did everything they could to crush it. In fact, I think the reason they took such drastic steps was because they were not only frightened but also terribly attracted to it. Pragmatists are often strangely superstitious. For all their logic, who lived in more abject terror of the supernatural than the Romans?

The Greeks were different. They had a passion for order and symmetry, much like the Romans, but they knew how foolish it was to deny the unseen world, the old gods. Emotion, darkness, barbarism. Do you remember what we were speaking of earlier, of how bloody, terrible things are sometimes the most beautiful? It’s a very Greek idea, and a very profound one. Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an instant, to shatter the accident of our mortal selves? Euripides speaks of the Maenads: head thrown back, throat to the stars, ‘more like deer than human being.’ To be absolutely free! One is quite capable, of course, of working out these destructive passions in more vulgar and less efficient ways. But how glorious to release them in a single burst! To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! These are powerful mysteries. The bellowing of bulls. Springs of honey bubbling from the ground. If we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn.

And that, to me, is the terrible seduction of Dionysiac ritual. Hard for us to imagine. That fire of pure being.

- Donna Tartt, The Secret History (1992)

[thirstzone]

Totally self indulgent and weird request but I love all of your writing and this is kinda something I’m going through. What would it be like for the dmc guys with an s/o who was suicidal or had lots of panic and anxiety attacks? I’m so so so sorry for asking, you totally don’t have to answer I’m sorry!

I’m so sorry it took me so long to get to this request. Probably because I suffer through some very similar things, but this isn’t about me

And please, don’t feel like you need to apologize for requesting this! It’s something very personal to you, and I don’t mind writing for it at all! It might help anyone else going through anything like this and I can relate to this one as well.

Nero

Nero himself hasn’t been in times quite that dark before, but he knows that it’s definitely not something that he would wish upon anyone. And especially not you.

Once he learns about this, he tries not to be overbearing about it. He knows that your anxiety and suicidal thoughts don’t define you, but it’s something that you struggle with. He worries about you, he really does.

You might not guess from his headstrong and impulsive nature, but he’s actually incredibly attentive when it comes to your mental health and what affects it. He knows that he can’t prevent these things from happening sometimes, but if he can, he does. He knows what can make your anxiety worse, what can cause you to become upset, and what can calm you down. All of this, he’s learned through watching and trial-and-error when he’s attempted to help you before.

He knows you can’t control these things. No one really can. He does what he can when he can to help you.

Dante

Unlike Nero, Dante can actually relate to some of the things you struggle with. When he was younger, sure, he was selfless, but the risk very often outweighed the reward; he was too reckless. It was deadly. It was destructive. It was fueled by self-hatred.

So when he picks up on your struggles, he proceeds with an almost surprising amount of tact. He’s not so direct that it makes you uncomfortable or puts you on the spot, and he’s not so roundabout that you second guess if he really knows what you’re going through or if he even really cares. He makes you aware right off the bat that he cares about you.

Again, “aware of mental health” isn’t the first on the list of things you think about when you think about the carefree and sometimes flippant Dante. But he knows what mental illness looks like. He picks up on your triggers pretty quick, and he notices the signs that it’s getting bad again. If he can remove you from situations that could cause a panic attack, he’ll do so, and he’s very good at it. In terms of comfort, he’s not the best, but by god, he tries his best, which brings some comfort in and of itself.

He would never blame you for anything you do because of your mental illness. Things are hard. Sometimes they’re harder than we can handle. And if he can help take some of the weight off of you, he would do so without hesitation.

V

V is the most in touch with his emotions and feelings out of all of the men here. Because of this, he’s a bit more empathetic as well (Nero coming in a close second.) His main struggle is death anxiety, but he’s no stranger to other thoughts such as hopelessness.

Having you open up to him about what you’re going through is not something he takes lightly. He knows it’s hard to open up (since if he can avoid doing it, he will.) But get ready for some questions. Not necessarily about your history, just something he can use to help: do you have any triggers, what helps you calm down, what can he do, etc.

Over time, not only does he internalize what you’ve told him, but he picks up on things himself that even you might not have been aware of. He’s very observant, after all. Things that might be small, like a minor change in your speaking habits, an unusual body language cue, or similar shifts in your demeanor, don’t go unnoticed, and he goes on alert. If the environment or situation causing you stress can be changed, he will make the situation better if he can. He’s very good at helping you ground yourself and calm down if needed. His presence is soothing and he knows what works best for you when you’re having an attack.

V is well aware that we can’t control every aspect of our lives. We can make things easier, but that doesn’t mean every problem will go away forever. And he’ll be there with you for all the ups and downs.

Vergil

Vergil���s solution to any of his mental issues is to ignore or outright repress them. He’s got everything bottled up, and if he has a say in it, it’ll stay that way. Of course, that doesn’t mean negative self-talk doesn’t pop up.

That said, he’s a bit dense when it comes to learning about your personal struggles. He doesn’t catch on quickly, and when he does, he doesn’t know what to do about it and might seem a bit neglectful of it. It’s not on purpose, and he isn’t mean about it. He’s so used to pushing down negative thoughts and ignoring them that when someone else has them cropping up, he doesn’t have any other methods.

Despite this, he doesn’t ignore you or leave you alone when you’re suffering. He stays with you within arm’s reach. He doesn’t know what to say or what will help, but he’s there if you ask anything of him. It takes him a while, but he starts to realize what signs you give off when something’s off. And you’ll notice that he’s picked up on it, because he’s gotten closer to you and it seems like he’s paying more attention than usual, as opposed to in his own head.

It takes a bit, but he learns that there are some things we can’t just push down and bottle up. You need support, and while he’s clumsy with it, he’ll give you what he can at any time you need.