#which is a problem because we need to do laundry and wash bedding

[captain-of-the-roses]

I hate whoever decided water was not a basic right

[ariestrxsh]

.・✫・゜🚿・。.・✫・゜🚿・。.・✫

⚠️ content warning: ⚠️ smut, degradation, humiliation, mean!matt, brattamer!matt, roughdom!matt, mentions of masturbation, enemies to lovers (but without the fluff)

✍️ Summary: ✍️ Your best friends, Nick and Chris, offer to let you come over to use their water while yours is out at your place. The only problem is you and their brother Matt have always absolutely despised each other, and because both Nick and Chris are gone for the night, you're stuck with Matt all alone.

.・✫・゜🚿・。.・✫・゜🚿・。.・✫

hatef--k part one

"Thank you so much for letting me run a load of laundry and shower over here, you guys. You're seriously lifesavers," I told Nick and Chris, emptying my mess of gym and work clothes into the washing machine.

"Of course. Any idea how long your water's gonna be out?" Nick asked me. "No, I wish. They said anywhere from a few hours to a few days" I groaned.

"Well, like I said earlier, anything you need, we got you. Even if you need to stay here until it's back on, you're welcome to," Chris said, packing up his bag to go over to Nate's place for the night.

"That's really sweet of you, Chris. I might take you up on that if it's not back on by the end of the day," I replied. "Yeah, Chris and I won't even be sleeping here tonight, so you can stay in either of our rooms," Nick mentioned.

"Ew, what is she doing here?" Matt said, entering the room, gesturing at me. "Dude, c'mon, her water's out, and she needs a place to stay for a bit," Chris snapped at Matt.

I got along great with Chris and Nick, but Matt and I weren't very fond of each other. I thought he was cocky, disgusting, and rude, and he thought I was bitchy, shallow, and a whore, and it seemed like we couldn't exist in the same space with one another without being at each other's throats. But we often had to be in each other's space because of our mutual love of Nick and Chris.

"Please tell me you're also staying the night somewhere else," I said, rolling my eyes at Matt. "Why? 'Cause you wanna sleep in my bed?" He asked, smiling at me. "Not in a million years," I shot back. "Nope, not going anywhere tonight," he smirked. "Staying right here so I can annoy you as much as you annoy me."

"Oh my god, you guys, don't kill each other while we're gone. My uber is here," Nick said, putting on his sunglasses and strutting out the front door. "Yeah, seriously. Just please pretend you get along for once," Chris begged right before following Nick out.

I scoffed at Matt and walked over to the couch in the living room and started flipping through channels on their TV. "Um, what is your TV broken too?" Matt gave me attitude, grabbing the remote from me. "C'mon Matt. I can't leave at least until my laundry's done, and I need something to do while I wait to move it along," I whined back, reaching for the remote.

"Okay, cool. So you don't mind watching the game with me then?" Matt asked, turning on some sports channel. "Oh my god, so fucking boring. I just wanted to watch The Bachelorette," I groaned at him. "Yeah? Well that sucks. Who wants to watch some pathetic guys all drool over the same girl?" Matt rolled his eyes at me. "I do!" I yelled, making a last desperate attempt to snatch back the remote.

"Yeah, I bet you like that show because you're a little slut, and you're always juggling a bunch of dudes," Matt sneered. "Hey! That's really mean," I said in a genuinely hurt tone. "Not my fault that it's true," Matt responded harshly.

Sometimes, when Matt would say things like that to me, which was fairly often, it would make me feel a certain type of way that was hard to pinpoint. I was authentically disgusted and got my feelings hurt, but sometimes I'd feel a sensation of yearning in my core, and I didn't fully understand it. It was similar to being turned on, but it was accompanied by all these gross feelings of humiliation and anger, so I tried not to look into it much.

"You know, I just haven't found anyone worth committing to. Doesn't make me a whore," I defensively responded. "Whatever. Why do you care what I think? Is it cause you want me?" Matt smirked. "Absolutley not," I answered, following it up with a gagging sound.

"Yeah, is that how you'd sound, choking on me?" Matt laughed. "Ew, you're sick!" I shouted, storming out of the room. I decided to take a nice, long, hot, everything shower to cleanse myself of Matt's deranged behavior and how sick he made me feel.

I had everything I needed with me already - my razor, my body wash, my shampoo and conditioner, my entire skin care bag, and a towel, along with a change of clothes. I was still in what I'd worn to the gym earlier, and it was nice to finally shed off all my layers and feel the hot water hitting the back of my head and running down the rest of my body.

While I was shaving my legs, I thought I heard someone rustling around in the bathroom with me. "Matt?" I asked. "Chill, I'm just grabbing something. I'll be out of here in a minute," he said. "Fuck you, Matt. Whatever it is, it can wait. I'm in the middle of something here," I complained.

"What? Are you touching yourself?" Matt snickered at me. "Ew gross! I could never do that while I'm in the same house as you. Just get the fuck out. I'm trying to enjoy my shower," I felt myself growing red. I did feel a bit of wetness between my legs as I went to clean myself, but I certainly couldn't do anything about it now. I wouldn't let Matt be right about anything if I could help it.

After shaving and scrubbing just about every inch of myself, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. I went to reach for my towel and realized it was missing. And so were my clothes? "Matt!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, rifling through the different cabinets and shelves in the bathroom. The fucking pervert took anything I had to cover myself with when he was in here.

"You fucking asshole! Bring me my towel and my clothes!" I shouted out the bathroom door. "You didn't bring clothes or a towel into the bathroom with you? God, you really are a little slut!" Matt yelled back from a few rooms away.

"Not funny, Matt. C'mon. There's nothing for me to dry off with in here!" I yelled. "Well, I guess you're gonna have to come in here and get your towel," Matt responded. "Can you bring it to me?"

"Nope, sorry. In the middle of a game." "I'm not gonna wait 'til you're done with your game. Bring me my towel, jackass!" "That's no way to talk to someone who has the power to either bring you or not bring you your towel. You can always come in here and get it," Matt taunted me.

Fuck. "Fine, I'll wait here patiently 'til your game is over. Just please bring me my towel soon."

A few minutes later, I heard Matt's voice outside the bathroom door. I cracked it open and peered out at him. He was standing about six feet away from me, holding my folded towel. "Here you go," he smiled smugly at me, barely making an attempt to entend his arm. "My arms aren't that long, Matt. Please bring it to me," I reached my hand out, hiding my naked body behind the door. "No, you can meet me halfway," Matt teased.

I found myself getting so undeniably wet at this. I couldn't understand it. How was it that Matt, who was clearly very disturbed and also a fucking asshole, had me sexually excited over the fact that he was trying to humiliate me and see me naked.

"Fuck you, Matt," I said coming out from behind the door and trying to snatch the towel from him. He held it up in the air out of my reach. "You're such a dick, you know that? What? Is this what you wanted to see?" I said, giving up on getting the towel back and gesturing towards my body.

Matt couldn't help but to glance up and down my body and nibbled on his lip as he tried his hardest to contain his grin. "Why the fuck would I wanna see that? You're the one basically throwing yourself at me," Matt handed me my towel, winked at me, and walked away.

"Where did you put my clothes, Matt?" I said, wrapping my towel around me. "What clothes?" He rolled his eyes at me. "Not fucking funny. The only clothes that I have that are clean right now. Give them to me," I demanded. "No, I think you look better in that towel," he smiled at me.

"Perv," I called him. "I might be a perv, but you like it," he responded. "No, I don't," I quickly answered. "There's only one way for me to find out," Matt looked at me with a dark look in his eyes. "I bet you're wet right now, because you're a little whore, and you love being teased and showing off your body."

"I am not!" I argued back. "Let's make this interesting. Prove it to me, and if you're telling the truth and you're not wet, I'll do whatever you want," Matt said, "and if I'm right and you are wet down there, then you have to let me eat you out."

"Oh my god you're so gross, Matt," I pushed him back gently. "What do you want if you win our little game?" Matt replied. "You have to be nice to me for a month," I stated, "and you have to give me my clothes you took and finish the rest of my laundry while I go home and enjoy the rest of my night alone."

"Okay, deal," Matt said, reaching for the bottom of my towel and slowly pushing it up. I wasn't a religious person, but in that moment, I prayed that I wasn't wet enough for Matt to be able to tell. I bit my lip and held back a moan as he brushed his finger between my folds.

"Wow, naughty girl. You are wet," Matt observed. "Fuck you, Matt," I answered, my face reddening. "I knew you were touching yourself in the shower," he whispered back, continuing to run his fingers over my wetness. "No, I swear, I really wasn't," I responded, slowly losing my focus as Matt played with me.

"You mean, you got this wet and you didn't even touch yourself? You really are turned on, you dirty little whore," Matt growled back to me. "I hate it when you call me that," I moaned.

"You hate it? Your wet pussy is telling me otherwise," Matt teased me. "Sorry, correction, I fucking hate you," I lashed out. "I think you fucking love to hate me," Matt said, tilting my chin up with his finger. I pushed him again. I watched as something in his demeanor changed, the way his features darkened and became more serious.

He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder while my towel barely clung to my body. I protested and started hitting his back as he carried me into his room, but I secretly couldn't wait for him to have his way with me.

part two posted here 💖

[nostalgic-woodwind]

Medicine Yucky

CGs! Ragatha and Kinger and Regressors! Pomni and Gangle 🍼

Plot: One thing that everyone knows is that age regression and illness do not mix well at all.

Request by @Little_Miss_Bleeding_Heart on AO3

Pomni was in her room, curling up into a ball and holding her stomach. She was feeling under the weather and had recently lost her lunch for the third time in a row.

A gentle knock was heard at the jester’s door.

“Pomni, it’s Mama,” Ragatha said.

“Mama…” Pomni responded raspily.

Ragatha opened the door with a spoon and a bottle of anti-nausea medicine. She also had a clean trash can in case Pomni threw up again.

“Hey, sweetie,” Ragatha said. “Let’s take some medicine.”

“Medicine?” Pomni questioned.

“Yeah, so you can feel better.”

Pomni shook her head.

“No, medicine yucky,” the little jester grumbled.

“I know it doesn’t taste great, but it’s going to help your tummy,” Ragatha explained as she poured some medicine into the spoon. “Now sit up and open wide, okay?”

Ragatha moved the spoon closer to Pomni’s mouth, but the jester wasn’t having it. She scooted away from the spoon and turned over, facing the wall.

“Come on, let’s take this and you can have something to wash it down,” the ragdoll said.

“No!” the jester huffed as she whacked the spoon from Ragatha’s hand and hid under the covers.

Though irritated by the little jester’s behavior, Ragatha kept her cool and set the medicine aside.

“Pomni, we don’t whack things from other people’s hands. It’s not nice. I need you to take your medicine so you can feel better, please.”

“No!”

Ragatha sighed, not knowing what to do. Pomni was never usually cranky when she regressed. Maybe she could get some advice from another caregiver.

“Pomni, I’ll be right back,” Ragatha said as she got up.

The ragdoll then walked out of Pomni’s room and went down the hallway to Gangle’s room. Gangle was sick, too, and Kinger was taking care of her.

Gangle was lying in bed with a thermometer in her mouth. When it beeped, Kinger became startled by the sound.

“Oh, it’s just the thermometer,” Kinger said as he pulled the thermometer out of Gangle’s mouth. The temperature read 101.5 degrees.

“Papa…” Gangle sniffled as she began crying.

“I know, baby bug, I know,” Kinger empathized. “Why don’t you rest for a while?”

“No sleep…”

“Why not?”

“Blankie…”

“I know you want your blankie, but it’s in the laundry right now.”

Gangle cried once more, which pulled the chess piece’s heartstrings.

“I’m sorry, little princess. I know it’s hard, but I promise your blankie will be clean when you wake up,” Kinger said as he then grabbed Gangle’s butterfly stuffie from the foot of her bed. “Do you want to sleep with Gracie?”

Gangle looked up and nodded, wiping her tears away.

Kinger handed Gangle her butterfly stuffie named Gracie while Ragatha knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Kinger said as Ragatha opened the door.

“Hey, Kinger, can I talk with you?” Ragatha asked.

“Oh, sure. I’ll be back, Gangle.”

Kinger then walked over to the ragdoll.

“What’s up?” Kinger asked.

“I’m having trouble with Pomni,” Ragatha said. “She won’t take her medicine. Do you have any ideas on what I should do?”

“Ah, yes, I’ve had this exact problem with Gangle and Jax. I usually offer a choice of how they want to take their medicine, like a syringe or spoon. Works for them every time.”

“I never thought of it that way. I just hope it’ll work for Pomni.”

“You never know unless you try.”

Ragatha walked to the kitchen and grabbed a clean spoon, along with a plastic syringe. She then walked back to Pomni’s room.

“Hey, Pomni, can we talk?” Ragatha asked as she sat on Pomni’s bed.

Pomni groaned as she sat up in bed.

“I know the medicine can be yucky, but we all have to do things we don’t want to do because it’s good for us.”

“Like taking naps?” Pomni asked.

“Exactly. Taking medicine may taste yucky, but it’s going to help you feel better in the long run.”

Ragatha then held up the spoon and syringe.

“How about we choose how you take your medicine, hm?” Ragatha suggested. “Do you want to use the spoon or syringe?”

After a minute of deliberation, Pomni chose the syringe.

“Alright, syringe it is.”

Ragatha then filled the medicine up with the syringe and fed it to Pomni, who took the said medicine well.

“Good job, Pomni!” Ragatha praised. “I knew you could do it!”

“T’ank you, Mama,” Pomni smiled.

Ragatha got the little jester some ginger ale in a baby bottle to help ease her stomach. The rest of the day was filled with sleeping, and Ragatha was glad Pomni was going to get better due to the medicine.

[trying2cope]

I fell madly, deeply in love.

He did too. We talked everyday. We sexted. One day he seriously considered randomly driving to my house after work, even though we live 3 hours apart. I talked him down, explaining the sensible reasons why he shouldn't leave so suddenly-- I wish I'd let him now.

I realized though why waiting for marriage for sex was a good idea for me though. I didn't regret it exactly-- he was a far superior lover than my exes and I longed to please him and be his forever. But therein lay the problem. "I love him like a husband," I confessed to my friend. "It would destroy me to lose him." Giving myself so fully had left me with no ability to keep him out of my heart and soul.e

My kids liked him. I did cringe a little when I heard my kids mention that Mommy had had a friend over and they mentioned Master's name and I knew my ex would read between the lines and know I was dating. Not that I cared about his opinion, especially when he had dated while we were still married(!) but I didn't want him to cause any trouble or drama as he was prone to do.

I had not yet gotten to meet his daughter because he and his ex had made an agreement that no one they were dating would meet her before they introduced the new partner to each other. I was annoyed momentarily when he first mentioned this because I didn't want to be paraded in front of his ex for her to judge. But I very quickly calmed down and realized this was a long term thinking thing. There was no rule or custody agreement saying this must be done and he *could* have just introduced me to his daughter-- but doing so would have upset the ex and if I was someday to be his wife and his daughter's stepmom it behooved everyone that we do this properly and respectfully. He was pleased when I said that I understood and said that back to him.

Not that actually he could bring his toddler down yet. One of the big embarrassments of my life is how messy I can get. I had been severely depressed and struggling before meeting him and the house had suffered. When he had first suggested meeting, just the next upcoming weekend, I had panicked and almost said no. I knew I couldn't get it clean in time. But I also knew this was an ongoing struggle in my life. I get the house clean only to get sick or depressed or just very, very busy and the next thing you knew it was far too messy once again. I have ADHD with bad executive dysfunction that had only been diagnosed two years earlier and at that point my depression had made me afraid to contact the doctor to get my medicine. It made cleaning a near impossible task.

That can be really hard for neurotypicals to understand but to give a quick example it seems like NTs can say "I'm going to clean the bedroom" and it's one task, and they do it. To me, it's like 25: picking up trash, making sure I have a garbage bag, picking up clothes, making sure I have a laundry basket to put the clothes in, clearing off the end table, putting each individual item that belongs somewhere in the house away is an individual task item for each one, stripping the sheets, taking off the pillow cases, figuring out where I put the clean linens-- doing laundry if I didn't have clean linens. Putting the sheets on the bed, putting each pillow case on, deciding if the blanket is clean enough to go back on or needs to be washed and if it does, bringing it to the laundry room and finding a new blanket for that night. Picking up shoes and making sure they have pairs and are put on the shoe rack. Picking up my kid's toys which shouldn't be in my room but definitely would be and finding a bin to put them in and remembering to take the bin to their room. And more and more and more. This doesn't even get to things like sweeping, mopping, dusting or cleaning windows which felt like luxuries that I never even got to because I would get far too exhausted by the mental load of trying to do the rest of it I was nearing a panic attack before I got remotely close to be ready for that. Because while doing all those endless, thankless, soul sucking tasks I only have the working memory to keep maybe three or four things in my head. And that's only if I'm left to myself-- but I am a single mom so I never was. I *would* be interrupted with "Mommy this" and "Mommy that" every 3 minutes or so, making all my hard one mental efforts drop like being startled with giant armload of various items and dropping them all on the floor and once the kids go back to their play I'd have to pick them back up again only to drop them again in 3 minutes. It seemed like a fruitless, impossible task. And that was just one room of my 3 bedroom house.

So when my potential Master came in and looked around at my mess and nodded and said "we can work on this" with absolutely no judgement at all in his face, my heart nearly exploded with joy. This was the man I'd always needed. My ex husband had always been verbally abusive and critical, making everything much worse. Indeed the reason I would get anxious to the point of almost having panic attacks after 20 minutes or so of cleaning up was partially because I would hear him in the back of my head and I'd have to stop and take deep breathes so I wouldn't hyperventilate. My body associated cleaning with danger now. But Master's response had been so gentle, so not a big deal, that I knew with him I'd be able to find healing and the praise I so desperately needed to function, something that when I had pleaded with my ex to give me would only bring hateful scorn. "You want praise for doing the bare minimum?!" he had sneered. But praise would short circuit the anxiety and give me motivation when it was lagging. I *needed* it to function and he never understood. But this man would.

When he left after that first meeting I had been energized and had done some cleaning. But then a few weeks later I'd had a few busy days in a row. Whenever we were busy with tasks outside the home the house got messier because we tended to discard clothes and dishes and whatever on our way to rush out or to bed when we got back, too distracted or tired to clean up.

It had been three days in a row of busy days when I heard the doorbell ring one morning. I was upstairs and scantily clad so I threw some clothes on as I headed downstairs. I was expecting FedEx and assumed it was a package. I opened the door and a woman stood there with a clipboard.

"FedEx?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "I'm from Child Protective Services."

[kimikawa]

NaClYoHo, Day 4 (early report because i have to stop)

Things Dealt With

Garbage (taken out)

Glass (taken out)

Paper recycle (sorted and bagged)

Pancake mix (used, eaten, was delicious; 10 g of mayonnaise was actually pretty good)

Chocolate bars I intended to melt for baking but I hadn't used so it turned into powder (i didn't know it could do that)

Plants (watered)

Things Cleaned

Carpets (again)

Floors (again)

Laundry (again!!!)

Dishes (again!!!!!)

Some things are Sisyphean challenges, and that was the real lie we were told about adulthood.

One problem I do have is stopping when I get started. I've seen it mentioned a lot in ADHD as hyperfixation - as in, once you get started, you cannot stop until it is done, whatever that means. I've also seen something similar with ASD; for this, it is hard to change states once you are in it. It's hard to go to bed when you are awake, and it's hard to get out of bed when it's time to get up. I have diagnosed ADHD, and highly suspected ASD, which is why I mention both of these now, as I confess that I cleaned for well over an hour. Once I got started, it was incredibly difficult to stop, and only when I had finally done washing the dishes did I stop. That also only happened because I promised I would do a hot oil nail soak after washing them.

Setting something as my end task seemed to help for getting me to stop, but i think I need to stop adding tasks before I do that one. And using the timer to stop playing the podcast once 20 minutes has passed.

[reginadeltrash]

The Hazbin Hotel's rules

(but I can only use and slightly rephrase actual rules from my summer camp):

1. You can sleep in a room with whoever you want (I don't care) the only thing to remember is that we are currently 8 in this hotel, and I want it to be true next morning as well.

1b. (however if you really have to change that number we prefer murder rather than pregnancy)

2. 'Dish cleaning duty' is not under any circumstances allowed to become 'Water balloon war duty'

2b. (no matter how much you hate the person you're stuck with)

3. If you see a bug don't freak out, please, the floor is already dirty as it is, we don't need bug's blood on top of that

3b. (Niffty, please, stop breaking rule 3)

4. A 'Hotel improving meeting' cannot be held in the middle of the night

4b. (or in the bathroom)

5. If an overlord comes by please don't disturb them. They'll probably just sit in the hall and stay on their phone until the person they need arrives, anyway.

5b. (Alastor, please go talk to them as soon as possible, we all know they're here for you 99% of the time)

5c. (The previous rule does not apply to Rosie. Rosie's nice, and she's probably just here to drop food)

6. If you arrive after 2:00 A.M. you need to have a convincing excuse.

6b. ('We got lost' is not convincing, because our building is fucking huge! Try again)

7. The kitchen is reserved for people who can actually cook, everyone else can try and make their 'recipes' in the garden, so we won't have to clean.

8. If I find another attempt at a Molotov in one of the rooms I'm gonna commit a crime.

8b. (Cherri, this is 100% about you)

8c. (Didn't think I needed to specify this, but, when I say Molotov I mean every kind of explosive thing)

8d. (Yes. Including fireworks)

9. The dirty clothes need to be put in the laundry room, not on a random chandelier.

9b. (You're only allowed to break this specific rule if you had the worst day ever, and also if you promise to be the one who will retrieve those clothes the morning after.)

10. Please, read the instructions if you want to 'help' with the washing machine.

11. If Charlie is talking, you don't interrupt her, otherwise you can't whine when everyone is angry at you for making her cry and consequently craft a ninety minutes power point on 'the art of listening'.

12. If we say to meet up at like 7:00 try to be here at least for 9:00, ok?

13. No jumping or having sex in the bed

13b. (I don't care which one you were doing last night, I'm just fucking tired of repairing that bed.)

14. Windows are not a good alternative to doors.

14b. (Especially those on the second floor)

15. For the love of God! Stop complaining about the cookies we serve for breakfast! Angel made them when drunk and we need to finish them in order not to hurt his feelings.

16. The music we use during exercises is chosen by Charlie, if you have any problems with it talk with her.

16b. (Always remember the looming threat of a ninety minutes power point, though)

17. Movie night is a privilege not a right.

18. 'Murder mystery night' is just a game. Quit telling Pentious is real.

18b. (Also, no! It can't actually become 'Murder mystery night for real', Niffty)

19. Stay at least six feet away from Niffty when she's sewing, if you value all of your limbs.

20. Outsiders (like delivery guys) may not be completely on our dynamics, so please try to behave like normal human beings when they come by.

21. Singing/Instrument playing time is set from 10:00 A.M. to 9 P.M. respect it, please. We don't need another noise complaint.

22. You need to always have clothes on.

22b. (A bikini is not considered clothes from now on.)

23. If your luggage doesn't have a lock good luck my friend!

24. During the cleanliness inspection there isn't a winner.

24b. (Update. Cleanliness inspection can have a winner, if you want, just leave your rooms clean, please.

25. Please, don't cry during 'compliment game' night, because I have no idea how I should help you with that.

26. Don't make any mommy/daddy issues jokes.

26b. (They may be funny where you're from, but not here. Here people have several of them)

27. That's about it!

27b. (Please don't force me to add more, people already think we're crazy)

List redacted by:

Vaggie

[monkeygirl727]

So. No one really cares about reality TV but I've started watching Below Deck and I have opinions and I need to rant. Season 1 of below deck sailing yacht is a shit show by which I mean the head stewardess is an ass and like one of those people who knows their shit and they're going to let you know what you're doing wrong every step but like if they break the rules it's fine. The chef also kind of a dick also sleeping with the head stewardess cuz you know that will never cause drama. The first mate take him or leave him he's cute he's nice enough but the one that I care about the most is the guy named Parker. The entire first half of the season they are ripping into this guy, they're like oh he doesn't know a lot cuz he's new, oh he's still attached to his mom's breast (bro! Tf!!?) oh he's not good at following direction, he doesn't follow the hierarchy and like one of them jokes later on AFTER he resigns because he's like I can't deal with this shit anymore, is like the first rule of yawning is shut the fuck up and then they keep making jokes about him and two of the stewardesses are like visibly uncomfortable cuz they were his friends and like I don't know I see a lot of myself in that. This like trying to fit in in an industry that refuses to accommodate people who are a little different. He's like oh how about we do this and they're like shut up and do as you're told. And like the head stewardess I cannot reiterate enough how much of an absolute bitch this woman is and like I don't like to say that about people but she's constantly like I'm the one in charge so you have to listen and I guess that's a thing in boating. And like she has the audacity to use the master suite with the chef and they're like oh it's fine because we're in charge. The chef literally says hey if she says we can do it we can and it's like if anybody else were to do that they would be fired immediately. That shit infuriates me. Like on the one hand I understand experience and history comes with benefits but like?? Using a guest suite when you are a staff member??

The other person who I have a soft spot for is Madison who is the second stewardess. Because she gets shit from Jenna who is the head stewardess and then when Georgia the third stewardess comes on she doesn't know a ton so she's having to pick up her Slack and then they're like Madison why aren't you doing well and she's like I don't fucking know because I'm trying to do five jobs and yet Jenna doesn't know where the goddamn washing machine is but has the audacity to yell at me about laundry.

Jenna also has the audacity to be like oh Madison had a crush on Parker and like it's distracting her and she's not going to bed in a sufficient amount of time cuz she's staying up to talk to Parker meanwhile she's making out with the chef in the galley on shift and again using the master suite. Like?! I understand that being in a lead position comes with benefits but like don't fucking tell me what to do if you're going to go ahead and break the rules. And like Madison is well aware of like why Jenna does things and she's like oh so you're going to finally train Georgia for the good of everybody else and not because I called you out in front of the other crew for using the master suite and your boyfriend had something to say about it?

I love Georgia because she doesn't really cause any problems she's adorable she's a bit inappropriate and flirty but like honestly she's just trying to figure out how to keep everybody at peace and I support that. Cierra and Paget are dating and they argue a bunch because they're not good at being in the same work roles ie both working as deck hands and like having done the research in Googled afterwards they are not together anymore but like honestly she doesn't really bother me either other than the fact that she was a jerk to Parker. Everybody except for Madison and Georgia were jerks to Parker and for that they are on my shit list.

Glen, the captain. I would die for that man he radiates Grandpa/dad energy, he is like the boat dad and he's great. He is very much unlike Captain Sandy who is on below deck Mediterranean in that he's like you don't have to call me Captain just call me Glenn and like always willing to lend a hand anywhere on the boat if he's not doing Captain things like he helps load provisions he helps move things he's just the kind of person that I want more of. I can't agree with the entire boating industry opinion of "respect the hierarchy or shut the fuck up and get out of the industry". This is all to say that I can't wait for season one to be over so I can move on. I won't even get into the guests because they range from a group of adult men who basically act like Frat Boys the entire time and like one of them picks up Madison and uses her as like a weight lift much to her extreme dismay and she's like please put me down several times and then they're like oh don't tell anyone and then when she's out of your shot they're like what she going to do report us to the Greek police? Essentially the entirety of this show is rich people rented a boat for a few days and some of them are wild and crazy and others are like you but with money and the crew are trying to not kill each other because you know essentially living with six people that you never met until the beginning of this season constantly causes Growing Pains.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Wifey comes home today and the dogs don't know it so they officially hit peak wretched baby behavior yesterday and have slumped into depressed baby behavior today. I do have work today but it's my short day so I'm thinking after I'm done with work and before I head to the airport with doggos to pick up wifey, I'll wash dishes and dogs.

That way wifey doesn't feel like the house is exactly as she left it you know? I definitely know it's not in worse shape I was very careful to always clean up my presence, but I want her to not have to clean up things that were here a week ago when she left either cuz that sucks and just because I was busy and had a hard time getting around to them shouldn't make them her problem. Most things like that aren't a big deal, or are things we specifically planned for (e.g. she emptied the litterbox right before she left and it's self cleaning so it only needs to be done once a week) but the dishes were a fluke that snuck by us in the last couple days before she left and then I literally never once had the spoons to get to them (heh) while Wifey was gone. Which I expected! I kinda figured that I would either do them all on Friday or maybe if I was very lucky do 1 round a dayon the others. So at least I'm on schedule lol.

Anyway, I did also clean the tub this week, and pick up the laundry in the bathroom, so I figure I might also do a quick wipe down in bathroom (sink, toilet, tub, sweep floors, take out trask) since it usually only takes 15 minutes and would make the whole room look really nice at this point. That plus shiny dishes and dogs is bound to make wifey happy coming home.

Anyway, my morning plans are as follows:

throw chili in the crock pot for dinner tonight

maintenance clean of bathroom

first round of dishes

take out the bedroom and bathroom trashes

refill pet water fountains

Extra Credit: unpack the monthly grocery grocery delivery and confirm their allergen listings

So far I'm over 100% on my tasks today and feeling great about it!

In the next hour I've got some work tasks to do, a little documentation stuff to prep for the day basically, and then it's off the the races for my short day with clients, my one on one, and then me getting the dogs ready for the evening!

Managed to finish all of my work prep stuff even the thing I was sure I wouldn't manage! So yay to that! We're still at "all essential AND all extra credit tasks completed" for each phase of my day so far, though obviously I'm not gonna elaborate on the work stuff for privacy reasons.

Feeling good about the day, feeling good about my ability to get shit down now that I've been back on my meds for a week, feeling pretty good overall! I do think I might be headed for a no show today but I'm fine with that because it'll just give me an extra 45 min for dishes and one less note to write before I switch over to household tasks this afternoon.

I am contemplating doing an extra credit task of throwing on new sheets and remaking the bed fresh and clean for wifey since Jaxxine crunched her yams all over this one all week on top of chewing on the fitted sheet like a pacifier to calm herself lol. But we'll see how that goes.

I've managed to get both blankets into the wash, and the quilt is already in the dryer, so I figure I'm definitely remaking the bed now. I'm most of the way through the tough jobs and then all that's left is the easy or fun ones. I do have to leave in about 3 hours tho, so I'm definitely running low on time. Gotta prioritize a bit and wittle down my remaining tasks. Dinner's all set but for some rice if we decide to make it. I may just empty the dish rack and not worry about washing a 3rd load unless I finish everything else in time. Jaxx definitely needs a bath next, then the tub a wipe down, the pets fed, and me a shower. At that point we're likely to be ok the edge of time so I'm thinking remake the bed and then kitty fun den and then prep the dogs for our trip.

After work plans are as follows:

2-3 more rounds of dishes 1 more round of dishes

bathe the lassie (START WITH THE LAD)

Feed the dogs dinner

bathe self

wipe down tub

build kitty fun den with dinner and treats

pick up wifey from her trip

Extra Credit: wash the blankets dry the blankets

Extra Credit: remake the bed with fresh sheets and blankets

[unexpectedyarns]

RANT

I’ve been home two days and haven’t gotten one f*cking thing that I need to do, done.

Yesterday I had to take the kids to several stores bc son 3 needed items for his cosmetology class. Also I needed to return a Christmas gift and get something different, which I sure didn’t want to attempt next week.

Then I spent several hours at the laundromat bc Kid 7 had left something in a (shared) bedroom that then had molded. Both kids having respiratory problems so everything made of fabric in that room had to be washed.

I was supposed to have a local-anaesthetic, needle biopsy this morning. But because of hospital CYA principles, the nurse said she needed a blood test “to see how fast I bleed or clot,” which I consented to. But then she left the needle in the bend of my arm, “in case we need an IV,” which I did NOT consent to, having had a VERY traumatic experience in that same hospital with IVs put in both arms at the bend in my elbows, thereby prohibiting movement of both arms.

I told her so, and asked her to move the stent further down my arm so I could bend my arm, and she refused. Called the doctor (whom I’d never met before) in, who said, “then we can’t do your biopsy.” I asked if moving the stent 3 inches away, still in plain sight, was an unreasonable request. He said I was being a combative patient (not that word but I can’t think of the one he used) and that if I didn’t like their policies, I shouldn’t have scheduled the procedure there. I said I didn’t, my doctors office did, and not only did they choose the place but also dictated the time. But is my request unreasonable?

So he goes to the foot of my bed and tells the nurse. “So we need to get this IV line moved…” (like still, why do I need an IV line for a 5-minute local procedure but ok). Then he goes, “You know what? NO. I’m not doing this procedure. And leave the computer file open so I can notate the patient’s defiance.” Then he said, “I’m just not going to biopsy that thing in your neck.”

I told him it is on my clavicle, and I’ve had to explain to a dozen people that the mass is on my clavicle, not in my neck. And he said, “YOU don’t get to tell ME where the problem is. That’s part of your neck. I’m sick of LAYPEOPLE coming in here and thinking THEY should teach ME about anatomy.”

Like motherfucjer if I plopped you in the middle of my job, you’d look stupid too. But also, when what you’re doing is without my consent and is scaring me, my bodily autonomy supersedes the consent for treatment. You’re not God, or A god.

Came home. Two baskets of laundry from yesterday are damp and need to be further dried.

I can’t make Christmas cookies because apparently we are out of butter even though the kids made a grocery order while I was gone AND I WAS AT 5 STORES YESTERDAY but nobody told me we’re out of butter.

I need to go to storage (23 miles away) to get Christmas stuff out but wolf needs to fix our other car and needs (the only working) one here in case he needs to go for parts. That is once he gets back from taking Josiah to a Dr appt an hour away and takes him to the college.

Everything that belongs under the kitchen sink has been sitting in the floor for a month bc the kitchen drain is clogged and in trying to fix it, the handyman caused the drain to leak so there’s a bucket under there. And no. Apartment management haven’t fixed the leak OR the clog. We can do 5 dishes until the drains back up, and then takes hours to drain. For a month now.

We have 2 loads of truck laundry that need to be done before Wolf leaves on Sunday morning. And I need to make truck food (see above, can only wash 5 dishes at a time)

I have 5 households of Christmas presents to wrap for adult kids. I need to go to a Christmas tree lot to buy the smallest tree in the world.

Everywhere I look is mess (the kitchen. Laundry waiting in the dining room. Growing stack of boxes to be mailed. Wrapping station in the living room).

Merry f*cking shitscram.

// end rant //

[blowingsoapbubbles]

What do you do when you want to climb out of your own skin

Today started out pretty great, actually. I woke up at 5 when my alarm went off and not only did I feel relatively rested, but I realized that the allegedly planned power outage didn't happen. So, my sleep never got interrupted, my fan never shut off and unrelated to the power but very related to my sleep quality, I didn't snap a post off of my dental appliance in my sleep.

I can feel myself clenching my teeth while I sleep some nights. Most nights, if I'm honest. Which is annoying as according to my out of network dentist, should not happen. This high tech, $4,000 piece of acrylic hand crafted for me specifically with state of the art lasers and 3D imaging, is supposed to prevent me from grinding and clenching at night, and help me breathe better.

It does help me breathe better, but I still clench and grind. And when I bring it up, it's explained to me that, "Well, in a perfect scenario, you wouldn't," as if that makes it okay that I spent a year paying it off and months getting adjusted to it only to learn that it isn't exactly what I was promised.

In any case, I didn't break a post off. So I do not have to glue it back together for the third time this week.

I woke up refreshed all things considered. I got out of bed, put in my contacts, dropped my dental appliance into the cleaning solution and followed the little entourage my cats do every single morning as they walk me to the food dish so I can fulfill my obligations as cat mom and feed them, for they have never ever been fed ever.

I got my energy drink, I took my meds, I checked my farm in Klondike and I reviewed what I had to get done today.

Wash the car, get chicken food, cut A's hair, put on her press on nails, meet with the pet sitter, take a 7a.m. conference call, write social media posts for my unpaid side hustle, fold laundry, etc. etc. etc.

I text my partner, tell him good morning and send videos of the cats. He'll see them eventually, I get up before he does.

Then the car. Easy, no problems, I love that car. Washed and half way waxed before I had to stop for the call.

Got on the call, simple. No one really wanted to talk so it was done and over in 20 minutes and we went back to the zero communication this job requires.

Go back to finish the car, get a good morning from my partner finally, text him back a few times, updating on the car progress, telling him I need to make a run into town to get chicken food, that I'm about to take a quick shower.

He replies with, "Can I call?"

I say sure, thinking I just needed the quickest rinse, I can hop in before he even sees this response and be practically done before he calls. And that's more or less true.

He calls and says, "Just wanted to tell you I love you, I can let you go if you're busy," and I reply that I am, but I always feel bad when someone acts like I said I was too busy to talk to them. I am busy, but I'm always busy, you asked if you could call, I said yes so clearly I'm not so busy I can't talk. Otherwise, I would have said that typically. So, I feel a little put out.

Does he not *want* to talk to me? Why would he set it up like that? So that I immediately have to like, reassure him I'm not too busy, even though by accepting the call, I did say that, didn't I?

---------------------------------------------------

We had a little disagreement the night before last, so small in fact that he didn't even realize I was upset. I tried to let it go, but upon reflection, I couldn't. I felt very disrespected when it happened and when I brought it up, it was brushed away.

I wanted to bring it up again, the next morning but swallowed that desire to be understood because he had a very important day ahead of him and I didn't want to trouble him with my feelings. So, I let it go, and tried to genuinely stop thinking about it and I think I did manage to do that. I felt okay, I thought, that was a silly thing to get so upset about, sure he brushed it off and that's actually what upsets me, because it's a pattern but like, I can learn to accept things and is it really worth a whole discussion and would I actually feel better if I brought it up again, in fact, I feel fine now so I should just drop it.

But, I wasn't fine and when he called me later that day, I felt really cheated out of being heard and understood, and since he was no longer doing the very important thing, I figured it was an okay time to bring it up. He had a long drive home, this was an ideal time to have what might be a little longer of a discussion.

Turns out, no and I was wrong and now I have to apologize for making him feel bad for feeling disrespected and I regret bringing it up and he "was just trying to help," but I never asked for help so now he, "will never try to help again, fine," which obviously wasn't what I wanted and now I've ruined the whole thing.

He tells me he's sorry, but he justifies what he did and I don't understand why I can't just express my hurt and be heard and understood, and he probably feels like no matter what he does it's never good enough. And now we're both sad again.

Again, I let it go, I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm the worst girlfriend ever and now I feel obligated to be extra sweet to make up for hurting my partner's feelings for not being grateful for his unsolicited help that didn't feel helpful in fact, made me feel like an outsider in my own romantic relationship. But, I should have just let it go, it wasn't that important.

------------------------------------------

So, this morning, when he calls me, I'm sure I'm finally over the thing. But I'm not. He gives his opinion on something absolutely unimportant to our relationship but because it slightly pushes back on something I said 10 seconds ago, it feels like a personal attack and I'm immediately right back where I was last night where I'm wondering why on earth you're trying to justify the actions that caused me to feel insecure in this relationship and why do you always have to contradict every single thing I say, why do I constantly feel like I have to fight to be heard, why are you even taking the side of the thing that upset me...

and there it is.

---------------------

I don't know what happened to me when I was growing up that makes me feel like no one ever understands me and worse, never tries to understand me. I don't know what it was.

But I know it's making my adult life feel like I can't make any progress in my relationships and interactions with people.

I don't know if it's even me, but I sure as hell will feel the shame and guilt of causing harm, even if I didn't really do anything. Especially because I don't know if I did anything.

Am I too sensitive? Am I right? Did I express myself in a healthy and mature manner? Am I doing what I'm supposed to but I'm trying to do it with someone who is incapable of doing the same? Is it my job to help them learn? Why are they like that? Why do they meet me with shame and silence anytime I say, "That hurt my feelings, I wish you wouldn't do that," is it because I'm wrong?

I don't know.

But what I do know is I feel like I've worked so hard and done so much reflection, but the near constant feeling of never being truly understood makes me think I've done it all wrong and after all this work, will I ever do it right? Or am I doing it right with the wrong person? I do think I have "wrong people" in my life, but I don't think he is. Which leads me to ask myself, "what more can I do?"

Can I convince myself that I'm understood, even if it doesn't feel like it? Why is it even important?

I sometimes miss my walls. I miss the ability to shut people out and not care if they understood or not. That I could just be mean to people when they hurt me and never felt any obligation to express it in a vulnerable way with the goal of learning how to be with someone. I wasn't necessarily happier. But I felt like I at least understood myself.

[jimmycartersufo]

this is me having the Tuesday foh museum employee version of Sunday scaries. I love using tumblr as a sort of diary right now especially when writing my hand causes pain!

the last two weeks of work have been especially rough and this week I have some tough stuff to get through that I'm nervous about but it'll be OK. I just struggled with the unknown. time always moves too quickly this time of year and I'm desperate to hold on to my days off because I am so burnt out. the problem is when you're in between those biweekly checks and you're broke as hell but also it's been pouring down rain. I can't help but feel bad and guilty when I do nothing. I didn't do just nothing, I took care of my mom today and I've rested a lot but it still feels weird and bad.

I'm almost back to being in the green for my sick time. I used up all my sick time and my boss had payroll give me negative sick time which was a life saver. I miss my boss so much. everything has gone to shit without her. but she deserves so much better. clearly. anyway, in a couple weeks I'll start to see actual sick time build up again. and on July 1 I'll get more pto 🤡 but thankfully at least Juneteenth falls on a Wednesday so we will have a three day weekend. The museum won't pay it's workers more or respect their security dept (which is historically and systematically Black) but they will do land acknowledgements if they happen to put up a work by a Native person (aka no permanent land acknowledgement lol) and they'll give us Juneteenth off with pay. oh and back of house gets more pto than foh but I'm not here to list alllllll of my complaints rn. but we as a team are counting down the days so we can have a three day weekend. like yeah holiday pay on a day we already have off (every gov holiday that falls on a Monday) but would rather have a floating holiday for more pto. abyway I should hopefully have some sick time built up in a couple months to take a day off for rest.

falling behind on chores again. desp need to spring clean dust because ofc I have to be a maximalist autistic. still need to wash my beach combing finds from a few weeks ago. still need to hang stuff up. the most I can do is pick up a little. do a load of laundry but share the labor with my husband because we don't have the capacity for either or alone. do dishes maybe. make breakfast, lunch, and John makes dinner. take care of mom which is hard sometimes but more than anythjng it has to be done and I can trick my brain into not being an asshole about it. make the bed but in a more "lazy" way. take care of myself and stick to my barely there routine. medicine with alarms, brush teeth, set out the clothes I want to wear at least a day ahead but two days if possible. shower when it's been too long. lotion on my face and my arms and my legs if I can tolerate it. drink water. try and keep my salt levels up. stretches even if it's in bed. my daily puzzles. learn something new (read an article and or a wiki page).

at least tomorrow we get paid. I have to save money for when we go to an Orioles game soon. need to figure out when and how and where we are viewing the eclipse. grocery shopping. taking care of mom if dad is working late/in traffic. look over what bills are do this check. thankfully we get paid I think three times this month? JK it's may we get three paychecks but thankfully I get paid the week of my mom's birthday!!!!!!

I work on late shift this month. bad because no extra money but good because I am so fucking exhausted. I'm basically a sorta manager without all the manager roles and Def not the pay. but that's basically what I am now. thinking about it makes me sick. I goofed up somewhere to end up here with this responsibility. but also it was happenstance. I understand that. and that I have been masking so well for so long.

it's autism awareness day. I am autistic. I am finally feeling right with that. it's been over a year now, and I've spent that time reflecting on my life and the way I am. I was lucky that my sister has been in programs and I basically knew a guy that knew a guy that knew a guy. but I don't have like, a therapist or anthring to guide me through the realities of hey you're autistic and this is why you think and do xyz. I wish I listened to autistic friends years ago that said hey you're autistic and I was like no not me, I don't do this thing but the thing is a lot of those things I didn't think I did I literally did not understand the questioning which is funny. I can't really think of a good example but like you read a question like do you struggle to make eye contact and irs like yes but only in certain circumstances like when I don't know someone but you don't have the way to answer with nuances so you just say no. not the best example but it's like that. what's so interesting about being diagnosed late is you start to kind a breakdown the safety nets of masking and then it seems like you're faking because you're doing all this stuff not in private anymore, like you're regressing or something and it's like no I was just playing a role.

today for dinner I had chicken nuggets and heinz pickle ketchup and we watched a video about being in wdw on 9/11 and I was like oh

rigut now I'm trying to follow my night routine but I'm so anxious to sleep. I did sleep in really late today after sleeping poorly and then getting up to take care of mom in the morning. I woke up just before noon after going back to bed about nine???? so I'm not very tired. I'm going to go figure out my lunch for tomorrow so I don't worry about it in the am and then I'm going to check the laundry and if it's dry enough get my favorite pair of undies (tomboyx boy shorts) and my favorite pants (green!!) and find a top and then make the bed comfy and then I'm gonna use my new neck massager even though I've probably used it too much today and I hope to find a nice wiki article to read :)))))))

[call-me-jennn]

in the throes

My apartment doesn’t have in unit laundry. The laundry building is just a short walk away, especially when you cut through the pool. All you need is a key fob to get in. The fucking key fob. 

It’s simple. You gather your laundry in the basket, the detergent pod, the key fob and the payment card and walk to the laundry building to wash your clothes. Then in 45 minutes, you go back to put the clothes in the dryer. Then after an hour, you pick up your clothes, bring it back to the apartment, and fold / put your clothes away. Couldn’t be simpler. But every week it’s a battle. Jenn vs the key fob. 

I don’t know what it is, I just always lose the key fob. It had a dedicated hook where it was supposed to be hung, but then the lanyard fell off. Now I have a dedicated marble dish, and I just can’t manage to put it back there when I’m done. 

It starts with preparing to do laundry that I realize that it’s not where it’s supposed to be. I can’t find it and I start to have a meltdown. I can’t do laundry without it. I get overwhelmed with all these emotions of frustration and disappointment in myself for not putting it back to its proper place. I try not to cry. Where is it? I search all the flat top surfaces of the apartment, my fanny pack, and the pockets of all my clothes. I always eventually find it somewhere. This past time it was under a stack of mail, inches away from the marble dish. I guess I had tried to put it back in its place, but still managed to fail, by inches. I’m get so frustrated at myself.

Then I wash the clothes. After 45 minutes it’s time to put the clothes in the dryer. Where is the key fob? It’s really a toss up where it might be. It’s a 30 second walk to the laundry building, how could I misplace it in that walk? Sometimes it’s in the dish. Other times it could be anywhere. My pockets or my fanny pack. One time I couldn’t find it and it ended up being under the bed. Another time I found it on the sidewalk outside, dropped during a detour when I got distracted by the lights and sounds of police sirens, similar to the way a dog gets distracted by a squirrel.

I can usually find the fob when the clothes are finished drying. But the process of picking up the clothes and bringing them back to the apartment to fold and put away has me focused on completing those steps. So focused that I forget that there’s another step I need to complete. Putting the key fob back. And that’s how the key fob ends up staying in whatever pocket, or on the desk, or on the dining table, or wherever instead of where it’s supposed to be. Then the next week comes and I realize I don’t know where the key fob is.

Are you fucking stupid Jenn? Honestly, I wish I was. I think I’d be so much happier if it was just stupidity. If I were just stupid, I think maybe I wouldn’t be aware that there’s even a problem. Or maybe I wouldn’t be able to figure out a solution. But it’s not stupidity, it’s just brain dysfunction. I’m painfully aware of the problem and fully know what the solution is. I just can’t do it.

I swear I’m not just stupid. If you saw me at work, or at the hospital or at school, you’d think I’m smart. I can do so many things, I can solve problems and I can come up with creative solutions. My brain is a Ferrari. How can I be defeated weekly by a stupid key fob? My brain is a tricycle. Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I’m insane. This key fob destroys my self esteem every week. I’m reminded every week how useless I am. I have a good memory. I don’t take any notes in school because I remember everything. But I can’t remember to put back the key fob.

During this past weekend’s meltdown, he, as he does every single time, hugs and gently consoles me. It’s not a big deal, he says. It’s okay if the fob gets lost, we can always order another one. But why don’t you put the key fob on your set of keys, he suggests for the thousandth time. My keys, which has an Airtag on them, the Airtag that he put on them. Finally, after years of struggle, I put the key fob on my keys. And just like that, problem solved.

And that’s me medicated. Unmedicated, it was this, but with everything. Forgot to pay a bill, forgot to submit my resume, forgot to take my exam. Can’t find my keys, can’t find my debit card, can’t find my glasses. Each little thing accumulates into a dozen failures constantly. And you feel horrible because with each one there was a simple solution that could’ve prevented it from happening. If only you had the brain power. For a long time I thought it was just laziness. But it’s not that I don’t want to do these things. I didn’t just choose not to. You think I wanted to be like this? I don’t know how else to describe it other than that it’s just hard. Everything was just hard, all the time. Now some things are just hard some of the time. Things are so much better now.

After years of weekly losses, I’ve finally defeated the key fob. On to the next battle.

(I know I don’t write as much anymore but this ADHD medication unfortunately makes me feel less creative. Today’s inspiration struck because I forgot to take my medication hehe.)

[nancypullen]

Snowy Sunday Morning

It's a brisk 25 degrees outside and the sky is bright, cornflower blue. Sparkling snow is still blanketing my little world and it's absolutely beautiful. I'm keeping the birdfeeders full and putting out corn for squirrels. It delights me when they visit, and hopefully it helps them. Right now there are cardinals, blue jays, sparrows, chickadees, juncos, and more - all flitting around and filling their tiny bellies. Even better, the neighborhood cats are staying indoors during this cold snap so the birds aren't risking their lives at our feeders. That's actually an issue. You know I'm a cat lover, my two girls are precious to me. But my cats are indoor cats. I'd love to have a screened porch that would allow them to be out but not out . There ae two cats that live a couple of houses down, I call them Stanley and Leslie, who spend a lot of time hanging around our bird feeders and occasionally getting lucky. I hate that. I know that the cats are just being cats, but I also know they have food bowls at home. If they were eating to survive I'd close my eyes, hum "Circle of Life" and make my peace with it. Sadly, Stanley and Leslie are just serial killers who love the thrill. I don't know how to stop it. Everything I read says that the only solution is to remove the bird feeders. I really, really don't want to do that. Having that little bit of wildlife in the backyard keeps me sane. I neeeeed it. Remember our wonderful Willie in Mt. Juliet? He was our timeshare cat and I loved him so. He never bothered birds. We had feeders in the front and back and we were even lucky enough to have nesting pairs in our trees every spring. House finches nested in the ferns hanging on the front porch. Honestly, that always seemed kind of dumb to me because they'd panic every time we came in or out the front door. There were acres of woods behind us and they thought the porch was their best option? Anyway, my point was that Willie never bothered the birds (probably because he ate at several houses each day) so I've never had to solve this problem. How do I convince the neighbor's cats to stay home? I could anonymously gift the neighbor with a bird feeder. They don't appear to have one which means they probably don't want one. Any suggestions are welcome. In other news, I should probably address my last blog post. I hope it didn't seem negative. I like my job at the library, and my coworkers truly couldn't be nicer. I have no plans to leave, I'm not a quitter (unless it's a diet, I quit one of those every week). But I'll be honest and say that the thought of not being able to travel is a big deal to me. I'm 60, my clock is ticking, I want to see and do so much before I can't see and do anymore. Given a choice between this job and traveling the world with Mickey, I think we all know what I'd choose. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, hopefully there's a solution for that too.

Today I need to make a pot of soup, wash my hair (it's a process), and ready my clothes for the coming week. Yesterday I cleaned like I was hired help and the house looks and smells wonderful. Mickey kept things tidy all week, but they don't have our internal check list, ya' know? Wipe Baseboards, wipe the cupboards down, clean the glass, swish the toilet bowls and clean the seats, wipe all the sinks, spray the bed linens, and so on. It's a never-ending list that I'd work my way through over a period of days. Wednesdays were always bathroom cleaning days, Thursdays were laundry and baseboards, etc. Now I'm cramming that all into a day. Ugh. Women do a lot of invisible work. There I go, complaining again. That's not who I want to be. Aren't I lucky I have a home to clean? Yep. On a positive note, I've just started doing wall pilates. I don't know if it's for old people or everyone, but it feels so good. I do a few simple moves, no doubt there are much harder levels than what I'm doing, but gosh, I feel so loose and stretched afterward. I do my little morning walk and then about fifteen minutes of wall pilates. I'm not setting any records, but it sure feels good. My word for 2024 is power, I feel like this is a move in that direction too. Can't embrace your power if you're tired and weak, right? Alright, I'm going to get busy. I've got soup to make and a week to prepare for...Monday is looming! I think my days off this week are Friday and Sunday, so that's not going to be fun. Better start it off right by getting ready today. I hope that this coming week is good for you. I hope that something unexpected delights you. I hope that you have at least one bout of laughter that brings you to tears. I hope that you have a delicious meal. I hope that someone makes you feel appreciated. More than anything, I hope you have peace. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[skittlesmcgee]

The Aftermath

The bedding is washed and the bed remade. The towels are in the dryer and will soon be folded and put away. I will take the trash out and run the dishwasher. Soon there will be nothing to identify that guests were here earlier, except for several new rules.

I love the fact that I have a guest bedroom. I love the fact that my friends come and stay with me. That's not ever been a part of my life before and I enjoy being the safe space for folks. however...

So for context, a friend came down to stay with me on Thursday so that we could go see Craig Ferguson at a local venue. Her mom came with because her grandson had a soccer game today and they were staying to attend that. So far, very normal and no problem. The three of us have been hanging out, traveling and whatnot together for years.

They arrived Thursday evening. We had a quick dinner at a local diner. When we dropped mom back off at the apartment, she asked if I had any jigsaw puzzles so she had something to do. I actually did but only because I was gifted one by another friend. Why would you not have things to entertain yourself while you are a guest? Anyway.

Moving onto the television. I don't have regular television. I have several streaming services but not like cable or dish or anything. I love not having television. Except for the occasional football game that I can't get, I don't miss regular television. She can't figure out the television and not actually having tv with a guide and all that. Okay, you can play all kinds of music on my Alexa. So that's what's she was gonna do and did successfully while we were gone. We got home from the show and she had happily entertained herself for the evening. She had closed every blind, which I never do, but they're blinds. it shouldn't really matter. Everyone went to bed and all was well.

Normally, when people visit, I work from home as a courtesy. But I had two important meetings that I know, and my friend confirmed, that mom would have talked through because she just doesn't get it. So I went into the office. I didn't have a problem leaving them alone there. I did feel a little strange that I had to leave my home because she can't be quiet through my meetings.

While I was at work, as I usually do, I listened to Spotify. Because my Spotify account is also connected to my Alexa, when they would change music on my Alexa, it would change or stop the music on my computer at the office. So I switched to Sirus XM at the office. Weird but I had said it was okay. So that's on me.

They were going to meet the brother, sister-in-law, and children for dinner and I was invited to go along. I thanked them for the invite and offered to drive. This is where things went a bit sideways. So friend, sister-in-law, and mom all ended up getting drunk, mom exceedingly so. And dinner took three hours. I was already the odd-man out at dinner and then I got to bring the drunk people home. Turns out that, after two nights of not being sure if my ex was going to be alive the next morning because of drunkenness, this was very triggering for me.

This morning, they were still trying to decide if they were staying another night here or going home after their afternoon activities. They decided to head home. I think mom wanted to sleep in her own bed. So they packed up and took off to the soccer game and I started laundry and a list of new boundaries and rules for this place.

Please don't mess with the blinds. I like the blinds as they are. It's my place. Leave them alone.

Please don't expect me to provide your entertainment. If I have a book you want to read, please feel free to ask.

I don't have regular TV. If you must have it or must comment on your need to watch it, this is probably not the place for you.

If I have to work and have a meeting, shut the fuck up. I have to work to pay the bills. I shouldn't have to go to the office just because you can't hold your tongue.

If you chose to drink, and I have no problem with drinking, do NOT get drunk and expect to stay here. I do not want to have to endure your behavior or pay to clean up your mess from your lack of maturity regarding alcohol.

Clear arrival and departure dates are appreciated. That way I can plan the rest of my life.

[waterfiltergurus]

How To Soften Shower Water (& Debunking What WON'T Work)

Wondering how to eliminate the effects of hard water in your shower, including dry skin and hair, constant limescale deposits on your shower heads and doors, and poor lather with soap? In this guide, we've shared the only 2 effective methods to soften your shower water - and debunked a few of the myths we've seen about other so-called effective methods of shower water softening. 📌 Key Takeaways: - The best way to produce soft water in your shower is by using a whole-home water treatment system. Water softeners and water conditioners are our top recommended choices. - Installing a hard water remedy will eliminate the issues you may currently face when showering, including soap scum, mineral buildup, and dry skin and hair problems. - Other websites recommend softening your shower water with baking soda or by boiling the water first, but these are largely ineffective and impractical. 🚰 How to Fix Hard Water in Shower: 2 Effective Methods Here are our top 2 recommended methods of softening the water in your shower: 1) Install A Water Softener The most effective hard water remedy for showers is a water softener. Water softeners are point-of-entry (POE) systems that are installed at your main water line, upstream of your hot water heater. They protect your entire plumbing system, including all your water-using appliances and plumbing fixtures, from mineral deposits and scale. A water softener works by exchanging positively-charged calcium ions (responsible for hard water) with sodium ions of the same charge. This process takes place on a resin bed inside a softening tank. The soft water produced contains sodium instead of hard water minerals, which means it doesn't have any of the usual hard water effects in your shower. The added benefit is that water softening protects your entire home from calcium and magnesium damage, so you'll also notice the soft water perks when doing your laundry, cleaning dishes, and washing your hands and face with tap water from your sinks. 2) Install A Water Conditioner A water conditioner is a salt-free alternative to a conventional salt-based softener and has similar benefits when installed at your main water line. Water conditioners use a conditioning method, such as template-assisted crystallization, to suspend calcium and magnesium minerals in water, preventing them from forming scale. Water conditioning doesn't actually produce soft water because the hardness minerals are still present. However, these hard water minerals can't produce scale deposits, so they'll eliminate hard water stains in your shower unit. It's worth considering a water conditioner if you prefer a salt-free alternative to a conventional water softening system. However, If you're looking for a permanent solution to your skin and hair issues, we recommend using a traditional ion exchange softener, which produces properly soft water that reacts better with soap and won't clog your pores. 🚿 Why Soften Your Shower Water? Softening your shower water can eliminate all the common issues associated with hard water. Some reasons to soften your shower water include: Better Skin And Hair Health Many folks, especially people with sensitive skin and finer hair, complain that soft water increases dryness and irritation. That's because hard water creates an undesirable chemical reaction with your body wash, shampoo, and other soaps, leaving scum (the same disgusting soap scum that you have to scrub off your bathtub and shower screens), on our skin and hair. Soap scum clogs pores and can even suck moisture out of skin and hair follicles, leading to irritable skin troubles and dry hair with a lifeless appearance. Soft water eliminates these issues because it no longer contains the minerals that cause soap scum. Skin feels slick after washing in soft water, and hair is softer and has a more attractive shine. Less Soap Needed Hard water doesn't lather well with soap. As a result, you have to use more soap to wash your hair and body in the shower than you technically need to. You'll get through products at a faster rate and spend more on cleaning and personal hygiene every year. Soft water, on the other hand, reacts well with soap, producing a foamy lather. You can use less soap than you're used to, and get the same - if not better - results. Reduced Cleaning Duties We already know that hard water reacts with soap, leaving scum on your shower surfaces. This soap residue is gray and filmy, and requires regular cleaning to keep your bathtubs and shower units looking spotless. The mineral deposits (limescale) produced by hard water are even more challenging from a cleaning perspective. Limescale deposits are hard and chalky, and most cleaning solutions don't work to remove them. Special limescale cleaning products are expensive, and you'll need to adopt a regular cleaning schedule since water hardness stains get thicker and tougher to remove the longer they're left to accumulate on surfaces. 📖 How To Naturally Soften Shower Water Unfortunately, there are no easy, natural ways to soften the water that comes out of your shower. A couple of websites recommend boiling your water before showering. There are a few obvious issues with this: - Boiling water only removes temporary hardness, so it's no good if you have permanent hardness. - There's no practical way to boil the water before it enters your shower, then return it to your water supply line so you can shower in this water (as opposed to simply pouring a bucket of boiled, cooled water over your head - not ideal). We've also read on other websites that you can soften water with baking soda. Again, this has issues from a practical sense, and it also won't chemically soften your water, even if it does make your water feel silkier. 💡 So, in short, the only way to effectively soften your shower water is with a water softener - which technically is a natural solution since it's simply swapping hardness minerals for sodium, but it's not a free method and obviously requires some forethought. 🔎Does A Shower Head Filter Soften Water? A few shower water filter manufacturers claim to sell a "water softener shower head": a point-of-use device that softens water before it leaves your shower. But do shower filters soften water? The answer is, sadly, no. To understand why a shower filter can't be used to make your shower water soft, we need to look again at the conventional water softening process. As water flows through a conventional softener, the hardness minerals are exchanged with sodium in the resin (ion exchange). Ion exchange can only happen continuously when the water softener is periodically flushed to replenish the sodium ions in the resin and clear out the collected calcium and magnesium ions. There's no way for a shower filter to flush itself as a whole-home water softener can, and nowhere for the discharge water to be drained. So, even if a shower head filter had a pre-loaded ion exchange resin that could remove hardness minerals, the filter would only be effective for a couple of days, or as long as it took for the resin to become depleted of sodium and saturated with hardness minerals. Even a water conditioner couldn't be used in a small-scale shower filter because the conditioning media needs to be backwashed to remove the hard minerals and make room for more. Related Articles: - A Comprehensive Guide to Hard Water Treatment and Prevention - Ultimate Water Softener Systems to Treat Hard Water 📑 Final Word Soft water in your shower will give you healthier, cleaner hair and skin that better retains its moisture and natural oils, and you can wave goodbye to soap scum and lime scale deposits on your shower heads and shower doors. You'll no longer have to use too much soap to know how truly clean skin feels, since you'll get a nice soapy lather when you use only a small amount of soap with soft water. Installing a water softener won't only give you the benefits of showering in softened water. You'll be able to enjoy soft water all around your home, including in your washing machine (so you can use less soap for washing clothes), your dishwasher, and all your other bathroom fixtures. Be wary of manufacturers that claim to offer shower water softener filters. These don't technically exist and won't offer the same results as a conventional whole-home ion exchange water softener. You can confirm this by testing your water hardness before and after installing the filter. You're unlikely to notice much of a difference. Read the full article

[gwydionmisha]

Personal:  Mostly Health Things, Cat Blerp, with Some Social Stuff

Part of the problem Tuesday was that on top of my body barely working, someone (probably Livia) blerped on me in my sleep.  It was not her fault.  we had cat grass die back and I'd meant to give her the medicine finger the night before when I dosed Tavy, but she moved between me spotting them correctly positioned and prepping the meds, and there is zero chance of me catching her once she's on the ground.  She doesn't like being approached on the floor and allows me and only me to touch her in two specific floor areas and I have to be sitting before she'll approach.  To successfully dose an animal that can smell the medicine if the apartment air currents are wrong who is nearly 18 pounds of mostly muscle with extremely sharp claws who is very good at eeling away, I need to catch her when she's mellow or distracted, stationary, in arms reach of somewhere I can approach from the right angle so as not to tip her off.  she is very good at spotting anything even slightly off in manner of movement.  I'd missed my window, so I just dosed Tavy, who is small and fast and also bright, but is also a Tiny Terror instead of a kaiju kitty, and if I position myself right, I can generally pin him one handed even if he twigs.  With Livia, the two of us can barely dose her together and I will get clawed to hell and can barely hold her even when my arms are working. Also, she is generally too scared to sleep where she's been dosed for a month or so, so I try to be considerate about where I zap her, lest she lose a nap spot that would cause her extreme distress.

So I wake up with my arm and blanket befowled.  There is nothing for it but laundry and a bath.  I bundle the mess and painfully lever myself up and immediately spot more blerp.  Which I will need to clean.  I am still having a dangerous time just trying to stand and shuffle about without falling because that's how bad my AS situation is.  It can't be help.  I drop off the blanket and go to turn on lights so I can see properly and step in a large puddle.  I am pretty sure at this point it's Livia be cause she got up several times during bed pets then came back in a couple of minutes more than once.  Once is rare, because it's only a litter emergency that usually causes that, but the pets involved were far enough apart that I slept and Tavy had had cuddles in between.  Livia is super skilled at stealth blerps.  I can't prove it's not Tavy, but again, medicated the night before and famously dramatic.

So now I'm trying to get to the bathroom to wash my whole foot so I don't track it everywhere.  I am shaking all over from pain and effort, which does not help with the cleaning and laundry, etc., but the only way out is through.  I do eventually get Livia medicated and get the mess sorted.  I do get my bath. ...And I find a spot where she hid more on the way back to bed.

I'd fucked up my body so badly by pushing it that hard when it was that damaged and my lungs weren't really working that I was out of non sleep and bed rest choices.  

I did make it out to do this and feed myself and things later.  I did move things over to dry and start a second load before I left for the Doctor, because she'd gotten a support pillow two and some other things.  I did manage to make it to the Doctor's Wednesday after.  I explained how bad my lungs were to the nurse and how closely it tracked with treatments.  she didn't believe me because "but the dose is so low."  Me: I am extremely allergic to perennial rye, and if it were an infection, I wouldn't goop up a couple of hours after treatment, be horrible the next day and then get noticeably better the morning after every time.  I also remember this happening the first time we did this in Oregon and when we reformulated when I moved up here.  It wasn't as extreme, but they had to go way slower with treatments than normal and I'm way frailer now with all the extra lung scarring from the intervening years.  

So she gave in and has decided to let the Doctor sort it out even though she doesn't believe me.  I get until Monday to recover instead of sending all Thursday in hell and then still being vaguely crap Friday even if my lungs are much clearer.

It's just as well, we had the errands we didn't get to last week and we had a lot to do here including a third load of laundry and all the associated drying and putting away.  we also finished Gothmas Phase four, which was mostly Techie Millennial, while I did sitting down tasks and head Millennial did the usual things.  We hung out and had dinner and the whole thing was excellent. However, I didn't get home from dropping Millennial of until 11:30ish.  At least my legs are a bit better though I periodically have to catch myself from falling.

I am way behind on all the things here instead of catching up as I'd hoped, and I'm just so worn out.