#which is EASY on my car it takes like 15 minutes man i'll just go buy the parts myself

[cognitohazard]

I HATE OWNING A CAR

[dzpenumbra]

4/27/23

Okay so... I got to bed at around 2:30. And I struggled to get to sleep pretty bad. Like, tossing and turning and not able to actually fall asleep. I got there eventually, but was woken up by the sound of some really loud appliance, I still have no idea what it was or where it was coming from. This sound was at 5:50 AM. And I was supposed to be up for my apartment inspection at 9. I had an alarm set and everything.

I laid there for - no exaggeration - 2.5 hours trying to fall asleep again. No phone, no apps, just laying in bed with my eyes closed, trying to fall asleep. Doing breathing exercises, doing body relaxation techniques, visualization techniques, you name it. Everything I've learned over like 15 years of studying sleep hygiene techniques. And I just gave up and got up at like 8:30.

The guy showed up for the inspection at like 9:30, it was super quick, just an electrical inspection or something. He even gave me compliments about how clean my place was, which blew my mind. I started on a new abstract drawing, I'm gonna work on it more and I'll post it when it's done.

I went to take a nap around... fuck man, I don't even know. The whole day has been a huge blur, unfortunately. Temporally, at least. I put in the earbuds and put on some binaural beat thing for a 90 minute nap and... same problem. I "forgot" how to fall asleep. I've gotten this before, and it's like... it's a fucking torturous feeling. Being absolutely utterly exhausted... and not being able to fall asleep. And not knowing why, not knowing what you're doing wrong.

I napped successfully, though, and had some of the most intense dreams I've had in a long fuckin time. It was surreally like... norse-age, with these weird mutated people that were cutting off a water supply or something? I have no clue and that probably sounds ridiculous, but this dream was legit one of the most vivid I've had in ages. The colors, the sounds, the imagery; so memorable. I might try fucking with that binaural stuff to see if I can amplify how vivid my dreams get. You know... intentionally... like when I want it to happen.

I woke up at like... 2, I think? My car reservation was at 1, but was until 5. I made sure to book a big window just in case something like this happened, I just didn't expect it to be... like 4 hours of sleep total.

And I looked up like... more sleep techniques and the shit I was doing was literally what they train for people in the military who need to sleep while sitting up and shit. And it didn't fucking work. And it said on there, this might not work with people who have ADHD and/or anxiety issues. Welp, there ya go...

I showered and said fuck it and went. The walk to the car alone had my shins fuckin throbbing. I speed-walk a bit too much when I walk around the city, I'm just... 1). not used to urban environments and they still make me feel unsafe, and 2). not used to walking in shoes, tbh.

But that was remedied (and reminded, which is why I even noticed the speed-walking) by finally getting back into nature.

A quick stop at Walgreens first, to get the steroid cream the doctor prescribed me... a month ago... And they had to redo it, because of how long it took me to get there. XD So I sat there nodding off for like... 20 minutes...

But then I went to the park. And I got to hike barefoot again, and it was such an at-home feeling. I was out there until like 6. I think it was a total of about 3 miles of walking? I explored a bunch, they had some cool constructions like staircases and bridges and shit, very well-made stuff. There was even a beach right on the lake, it was very pretty and peaceful. I found some rocks that I brought home, I'm going to try to clean them up and see how they come out. There was a decent amount of sandstone there, which is actually pretty cool because it's super soft, so it's easy to carve. I'm going to see what working with it is like and then go from there, if I feel like trying to source more. It's cool how different the types of stone are around here.

For real, just being out in the woods alone, no music, no distractions, just me and nature, bare feet on the ground, wind on the skin, it was great. I missed it a lot. It's like... the polar opposite of how I feel when I'm in the city... XD

Driving wasn't as nerve-wracking as I thought. It was fine. Got the car back half an hour early, ordered a pizza. The car did cost a total of $50 for it being mine from 1-7... (I added 2 hours and I'm glad I did) which is like... ugh... But when you consider I never actually drive anywhere and compare that to buying a car, or paying lease payments? It ain't bad, especially when I don't even pay for gas.

So yeah, those earplugs I ordered were delivered this afternoon. Talk about fucking timing... -_- I'm gonna try them tonight. Like I said a few nights ago, I don't have to listen out for pets anymore, so... fuck it. Hope they work for me, I think if I can sleep with AirPods in, I should be able to sleep with earplugs in okay.

Definitely bed time. I can barely keep my eyes open.

[sunglasses-snake]

I've had a long week;

Tuesday my coworker wanted to be at the pay station, that's where we sell memberships and get good reviews for good customer service. It's our most "service worker" position and typically only goes to like 3 of us cause we the only ones who smell good enough. When my boss told us to switch, cause he made me go in the tunnel, he threw a hissy fit (complete with stomping and screaming) (this is a 43 year old man btw who openly carries a gun off shift) and stormed off leaving me to work a 10 hour shift by myself (closing too btw). It was supposed to only be 6 hours. Didn't get fired either, only written up AGAIN. This is the 7th time in the 5 months I've been working here and he STILL WORKS HERE.

Thursday I'm working with the same coworker. He spends all shift out at the pay station cause our boss isn't here to force him off and I don't want to work alone again. (It's extremely hard, you have to balance like 30 things at once and it's EXHAUSTING). Ended up working by myself anyway cause when I say all shift I mean the hour and a half he was actually "working" while I was here. He spent 20 minutes in the bathroom when I first got there, spent an HOUR AND A HALF polishing his motorcycle and then immediately after he says to me "I'm taking my break" and POOF for the next 30 minutes. Came back in his car and proceeded to smoke weed for the rest of shift. When time to close came, he took 40 minutes to spray the tunnel, the easiest job btw, and I had to do everything else. I couldnt leave until he is done either. He lives 3 minutes away. I HAVE A 40 MINUTE WALK.

Friday was a normal day until SOMEONE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH THEIR CAR. "Oh they probably didn't see you" said the police. The only reason I'm alive is cause their tires did a slight burnout before they started moving making a loud screech that warned me.

Yesterday I got yelled at by my gm cause my boss threw me under the bus. She said I was the reason sales were so low last month, that I was lazy out at the pay station. I have the most sales but she takes credit for like 70% of mine cause she refuses to let me put them in. I got yelled at and written up. Later that day I get a text from my ex asking to hang out. I said no cause that usually means she's gonna try and take some money from me. Then a (I'm not saying this to shame her, just point out she was *quite* a character) bright pink Mercedes-Benz wouldn't stop and pulled onto a roller that was actively coming out and it ripped her bumper off and fucked up the base plate on our machine. So now I had to file an incident report and fix the base plate. The incident report took 20 minutes which is like really fast, the lady who was dressed in a skintight bright pink body suit, one of those puffy jackets ALSO bright pink, Bright blond hair and had some of the longest eye lashes I had ever seen, was extremely helpful and was really nice. (Probably the nicest person to me this week). She really helped speed along the process. She admitted on the report that she was not paying attention and was on her phone. She also offered to pay for any damages to the machines, I turned her down cause base plates are easy as fuck to fix. Speaking of the base plate, when I eventually got around to putting that back together I had a customer ( who got a full refund btw) talking to me about how it was unacceptable that he had to wait 15 minutes and didn't even get the wash. Base plate got fixed and work resumed as normal. What was my coworkers doing during that whole thing? Hotboxing the first coworkers mention car. Like... actual hotboxing. On the clock. With zero repercussions. That doesn't even end the day btw, when I got home and finished puking cause of stress (common thing I've talked with my doctor about it, she recommended me my current therapist) I tried to log on to my PS5 and my subscription had run out so I had to ask my sister to pay for it and I'll get her back on Wednesday. More puke.

Today is shaping up to be as bad cause I always sit at a bench down the street to rest my feet before my shift and my coworker who was late got angry at me for not coming in ASAP to help open. I closed last night btw. When I walked up, another coworker saw me, smiled, and immediately stopped doing the towels and left them there for me to do. Wanna know what he went to do? Sit in his car. When I went out to the pay station, he didn't even bother getting out of his car, he just honked and signaled for me to be in the tunnel. Again. Later when my boss asks me why nothing has been sold, I have to explain to her it's cause they sit in their car and put in the bare minimum effort. Hearing that you think "minimum wage minimum effort" they make $16 an hour. That's not minimum wage. *I* make minimum wage. I've been here an hour and a half and I'm about make myself puke on purpose just to go home and fuck these guys over.

[zombies-aliens]

So today at work got me thinking about myself. I was being helped by a funny coworker and she likes to have fun on the job and laugh and it's cool and all with me, I don't mind that whatsoever who doesn't like to have fun and laugh, but it kind of held a mirror to me of how tense I am. All I can do is smile and laugh and make a few comments and ask questions. But I don't joke back. You would think I didn't like her very much. I hope not though because it's not that I dislike my coworker it's just that I'm very tense and do not know how to relax. And it's kind of hard to relax at a stressful place like work where your brain and body have to be switched "on" all the time for hours on end. Even with two 15-minute breaks and an hour's lunch, it can be taxing. At least for me and what I have to do.*

But I feel like I'm too tense by default whenever I'm interacting with people even just one. I'm terrible with crowds too. All it takes is for a 3rd person to show up and it's a wrap for me I'm quiet you won't hear a peep out of me. Im just gonna be the guy who smiles, listens, and laughs at anything funny. I will not joke with them because I'm too tense to do it. I think I'm so tense that it effects my speech dude. Like I stutter a lot. I can still help people but man do I stutter. Some days it's worse than others and I keep tripping over my words and I sound like a nervous wreck. I get so embarassed and I can't even take a break I have to keep working. Sometimes the stress makes me wanna cry but I don't. A lot happens in a day at work like all that bullshit I have to go through but at the end of my shift I'm more calm (still tense but less) and by the time I'm in my car alone I can feel myself slowly relaxing and when I'm home I just can't wait to talk all about it to myself as I shower. Dude I'm so stressed I usually sing in the shower but instead I talk to myself about my day. I imagine I'm talking to someone who's listening. I'm sorry dude but at home I'm not good at being vulnerable because I'm a happy go lucky persona you could say, unless of course theres someone else in the house im not familiar with. I'm the type that doesn't really get sad I get quiet. I keep my pain to myself just because I don't know how to open. The fuck. up. I don't know how to DO IT. I've done it in therapy only once where I truly opened up and that was when I cried. I spoke from my emotions. And even tho I look back and wonder if what I said was off, I felt damn good that I did. But still, it wasn't about what I said it was about coming alive through my emotions which make me human. I felt like I ripped the band aid of figuratively speaking and let myself spill. I'd say the furthest I can get to opening up like that again is by talking but I'll filter my emotions through logic. It feels good too but it's not the same kind of release as that one time. It wouldn't need to be crying as long as it is an emotion I'm expressing. Honestly I feel like I'm dying or worse I feel like I'm suffocating when I'm not expressing my true self and my true thoughts and feelings. I'll say this: I can go through hell and I promise I'll live as long as I can talk about my experiences. Expressing myself is key. It's got to be. It just has to be. Because I just had a shit day today and I feel better now talking than I did when I left work FUCK YES THAT FELT GOOD AHHHHHHHHHH I GOT A LITTLE SMILE NOW

*( I have a new position at work where I'm running cases. That means I'm the only guy with keys who's opening cases for people to get their baby formula, their deodorant, their shampoo, their shaving stuff, energy drinks and coffee, and alcohol. And I think I missed one more but yeah. Other people help too but they have their own thing to do so help isn't available for the most part. It sounds easy on paper, but when the store is packed I am getting calls on my radio where I need to be everywhere at the same time, and I have to be there within 30 seconds or a minute - it's a medium-sized store. That's the part that stresses me out. It gets easier tho when it starts getting dark and fewer people show up so that's good. It's not pure stress all day. And I hate to sound like I'm complaining but I'm just telling you what goes on and that it gets hectic at times and then I got people who walk slowly and there's crowds I have to get through to get to another customer who needs my assistance. The customers are always patient tho. But I have to still be on time so I'm fast walking taking big steps. And coworkers could probably tell I'm stressed but then again I can't imagine what type of stress the people at customer service go through or the cashiers too. I've heard some of their stories in the breakroom and it's not pretty)

[starryarles]

this is me complaining about the DAY i had yesterday ty

i had to wake up at 5 yesterday, i feel like shit, but i think "okay maybe ur just tired, just get to ur exam so you can get ur certificate", i need to go to the capital to attend my "exam" aka doing someones toes, i buy a ticket, i'm stupid and also tired so i buy a one-way ticket, i think fine, i'll just buy one back from there, it's just an extra 10 euros, i get on the bus at 7.35, it's supposed to leave at 7.45, it leaves at 7.55 for no reason other than to make me late, we go super slow, stopping at 3 places to pick up passengers, we stop at our neighbouring citys bus stop to pick up more people, despite the bus being PACKED, we stay at that bus station for 20 MINUTES. atp i'm feeling like SHIT. i have never felt this awful in so fuckin long, i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry, and i'm getting motion sick, we start again and this bus driver is going SO FUCKIN SLOW. we stop at another citys bus station, people get off, more people get on, we're there for another 20 MINUTES. MIND YOU USUALLY IT'S 5 MINS, IT NEVER TAKES THIS LONG. we start again, we're using the old highway, that takes much longer than the new one, we get stuck in the paytoll because some tour busses went in the mtag lane instead of the cash lane, FOR ANOTHER 15 MINUTES. my god. at this point i can't even fall asleep anymore i feel so sick, i need to throw up, i just put my hand over my mouth and pray. we finally start again. MIND YOU. it's been an hour at this point. usually i'm in the capital by that point, no, this time we're a little less than halfway there, i contemplate just asking them to drop me off on the side of the road and calling a cab from literally anywhere, i didn't care abou the price at that point, i tough it out, we finally make it to the capital, it is 9.45 at this point. 2 whole hours. he makes 4627385 stops along the way of people who ask him if they can drop them off anywhere, he is such a sweet old man but at that moment in time i was sitting behind him and it looked so easy to just reach over and put my hands around his neck. we finally stop at the bus stop at 10. 2 hours and 15 minutes of hell. i need to go to the bathroom and i need to throw up all at the same time. i am in hell, i am not going anywhere near the bathrooms in the railway station in the capital, there are bacteria not found anywhere else on earth in there, there is a mall only a 5 minute walk away from the railway station and their bathrooms are clean. i sprint. my knee and ligaments have been killing me the past week, i don't care, i make it to the mall in 2 minutes, i make it to the bathrooms and at 10 am the mall is empty, i have never been more thankful, i puke and proceed to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes, it is now 10.15, did i mention that my exam was at 10?? i clean up, i wash my hands, i notice in my frantoc state i had put my bag down in a puddle on the floor, my bag has soaked up a puddle of which i can only hope is water from a mop, i spend another 10 minutes drying my bag, somehow i haven't cried yet, did i mention the salon is a 30 minute walk from the mall?? i get there at exactly 10.30. my dignity is nowhere to be found, i'm shaking as i'm about to do this womans toes, they think i'm nervous, i'm concentrating not to throw up on her feet, i finish, they say i can start working, i call my dad to come pick me up because i am not getting on another bus ever again. he takes an hour and 10 minutes to get there, in the meantime i walk around the same mall where i threw up that morning, i buy a few things, i buy a little christmas bear for the car as a gift to my dad, the entire time in the store i'm concertating so hard not to pass out or throw up, my dad picks me up and gets me home in about an hour, i have never been more thankful for this man, now summary, i have a sinus infection on my left side and a very slight fever, i am never taking that bus again and am never taking a morning appointment in a different city ever again.

[straykidsworldwild]

Duskwood

Phil Hawkins x MC

Part 2 (2/2) : MC and Phil have lunch but it doesn't turn out as planned.

----------------------------------------------------------

Heyy guys!! Here's (2/2) of part2! 😁

(I just made the collage. Credits go to the creators of Duskwood and owners of the pics)

----------------------------------------------------------

- Why didn't he want you to have a break? He asks me gently, sounding confused.

- Because I arrived late by one minute this morning, I respond to his question. I look up at Phil as I hear him chuckling. He doesn't believe me...

- Right… he says before looking down at me. I give him a look, showing him that I am being serious. That's enough reason for my boss... Oh, you're being serious? He asks me with surprise. I nod positively as I notice the exasperation growing over his face. What are you waiting for to change your job? He then asks me as we are walking through a small path. Green grass is surrounding it accompanied by flowers. There are two benches every 50 meters. It's one of the most peaceful areas in Duskwood. That's where I usually go by when I need to clear my head. It’s just sad, in a way, that it is next to might work… Oh well...

- Trust me. I looked everywhere. But have you seen a lot of job offers around Duskwood lately? I haven't, I answer to the man as we approach a wooden bench. We take a seat on it while he puts down his bag.

- You could work with me at the Aurora, he proposes to me, using a suggestive tone mixed with a hopeful one.

- Mmmh... I'm not sure it'll be a good idea, I reply and smile playfully to his comment.

- Why not? He asks me, looking a little disappointed. He's actually being serious...

- Well, one, because the others would start to wonder why I am working at your bar, I say as I pull one finger out. Two, will you still manage to work? Won't I be distracting you? I question him playfully, pulling a second finger out while smirking. I know he takes it seriously and I do too, but it makes the atmosphere lighter this way. There's no need to fall on an argument because of that… and Phil is the last person I want to argue with.

- Well, I admit having the beautiful sight you'll be giving me constantly will clearly take my mind off work but, I'm sure I'll manage, he responds with his charming smile, which is contagious, as he enters my game. It's impossible to not smile when he does. I smile as I feel my cheeks lightly burning. It's awful how easy he makes me blush... Phil begins to open it before I hear him rummaging in a plastic bag. Oh… I didn't take anything to eat… I look away, getting nervous. I don't get why he makes me so nervous. It's… a weird feeling. It's a crazy feeling. Here, for you, I turn my head and look at what he is holding to me. Oh…! Cobb salad with a fork, something to drink, he pulls out a bottle of water and gives it to me. I take it. And I heard someone liked dark chocolate so I got some, he tells me, pulling a tablet of chocolate out of his bag. It's terrible… I can't control myself. I can't stop smiling, appreciating his attention.

- My favorite! How did you know? I ask him happily as stars must be filling my eyes. I mean, chocolate is just everything! Phil laughs amused and winks at me. You asked Jessy? I demand him with surprise, yet, kind of… scared of his answer. I don't know why I'm scared about Jessy finding out I accepted to have lunch with her brother. Is this a date in the end?

- No, why would I ask my sister? He asks me back, frowning confused.

- Because she knows me well. And I thought you would have told your sister about this lunch, I simply replied to Phil, telling him my thoughts on how he might have done things before coming here.

- Well, I didn't, he answers calmly, shaking lightly his head left to right. I nod understandingly, keeping a small smile. Did you? He then asks me. I look up at him and start shaking my head negatively. Though, before I could say a word, I was being interrupted.

- MC? Phil? I widen my eyes in surprise to Phil before I turn my head to look at the person. She approaches us, smiling and looking confused at the same time. How…? What are you two doing here? Asks us, Jessy, coming to stand before the both of us. She looks at me with her usual smile, waiting for an answer. Oh God… What am I supposed to tell her? Will she take the truth well? What will she think? I hold onto my fork nervously as I give her a shy smile.

- I saw MC having lunch here by herself while I was walking around so I stopped by to talk a bit, responds, Phil, getting me out of this awkward and nerve wracking situation.

- Mmmh... Shouldn't you be at the bar? She asks him back, looking suspicious. It's hard to hide things from Jessy. Especially since she knows us well… Too well...

- It's pretty empty at this time, Jessy. It's noon. Why do you think I'm eating too? He says and asks her back, sounding calm but also a little annoyed that she stays here and asks all of those questions. I mean… I love Jessy but I'm going to die of nervousness here. I hate keeping secrets from her… Especially when it involves her brother.

- Right, she tells him, not so satisfied by the answer. When does your break end, MC? She then asks me.

- I have to get back in, in like... 15 min or so, I respond to her, looking up at my best friend after checking the time on my phone.

- Let me guess, your boss is being the same dick as ever? She tells me, looking sorry for me. Jessy knows absolutely everything about what my boss said or did to me or my colleagues.

- Bull eyes, I reply, nodding positively. I see Jessy weakly shaking her head left to right, upset with my boss. Oh! Oh, Jessy, before I forgot, could you stop by my mother's for me, please? She wasn't well because of… You know, the loss of my uncle, and I think she needs to take her mind off a little bit, I demand her gently as I know mom considers Jessy like her second child. I'm sure she would be happy to see her. Though, it was hard for me to mention Uncle Alex. Harder than I thought.

- Oh right, I wanted to send you a message. I am so sorry about your uncle, MC. Alex was amazing, she apologizes sincerely to me, her eyes showing sadness. Jessy knees Uncle Alex as well. Duskwood is a small town and, well, Jessy was often at home so she knew him too.

- Thanks… I thank her with a small smile as I frown sadly. I tried...

- Well, I have to get back to work before Richy thinks I quit, she tells us playfully. I smile at her comment. It's true, I think Richy would be lost without her at work. Don't be a dick to her, Phil. I'll know each of your moves, anyway, she warns her brother as she begins to walk away.

- Right… he simply says, sounding annoyed. It was almost as if he didn't mumble to himself. I hear Jessy softly laughing before she finally leaves. I follow her with my eyes before meeting Phil's ones. So gorgeous... So I'm guessing you didn't tell her either, he says with a smirk.

- We all have our secrets, don't we? I reply to the boy before winking back.

- We do, he agrees. The two of us continue eating our lunch as time is passing by. I don't have much time and I won't be able to eat anything before tonight. It's going to be long until then… I look up as I hear a car honking. A little breeze hit my face and pushed back some of my hair. A lock came over my cheek so I gently pushed it away. The sun is so bright in the sky today. You look tired, MC, he suddenly tells me. I do…? I'm not surprised...

- I didn't sleep well. I didn't sleep much. I couldn't with... You know, I answer to Phil as my lock of hair comes over my face again. Though, I couldn't mention my uncle a second time. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

With his hand, he reaches the lock of hair and pushes it gently back behind my ear. Oh… Once again, our eyes meet. As always, there is this connection. They're so deep and… Gorgeous. I mean… How can you not get lost in them? For a moment, we stare at each other as if nothing was surrounding us anymore. I want to get closer to him. I want to know him a little more than I already do. You can't imagine how strong the feeling is… But all of this is so scary. I notice Phil's eyes falling on my lips a few times, desire seen behind them. He is as eager as last night. Without controlling it, I smile at the boy before breaking our look. And back to reality… How can a simple look be so intense? Biting lightly on my lower lip, I feel some heat on my face.

- You're so cute, MC, he tells me with a smile, his voice sounding so… Deep and lovely. I feel myself blushing a little more to the sound of his words.

- And you're a little Devil because you do see that you're making me nervous, I tell him with a chuckle as I push him playfully. Phil laughs along with me before he grabs my hand in his. Oh… My body tenses up due to the surprise and the nervousness he is giving me. But it soon relaxes under his comforting hold. I look down at our hands loving the feeling of being held. Not alone. His hand is so soft and warm. I slowly move my hand and intertwin my fingers with his. Phil lets me do and actually holds it back with a firm, but gentle tight. It's so comforting. I look back up at him and see that the man has been staring at me for a moment actually.

- I do. But blush looks good on you, he suddenly tells me, commenting my previous sentence. Oh come on… How did my heart not give up yet? The two of us smile at each other, sparks certainly illuminating my eyes. I don’t need to see my reflection to know it… This feeling of happiness is enough to say how I feel about him. It’s actually betraying me...

- Hey, Phil, I suddenly hear an unfamiliar voice which gets me out of my thoughts. What…? I retrieve my hand from Phil’s and look at where the voice came from. A blonde is approaching us. Oh… I’ve seen her at the Aurora before. She was “close” with Phil usually. Didn't expect to see you out of your bar, she tells him with a flirtatious look. Right...

- Hey, Lola, I have a life too outside the bar, he responds to the girl, sounding just as annoyed as when Jessy was here. Actually, he sounded more than annoyed. But I can’t describe this feeling...

- Yeah, apparently, she tells him as she looks at him up and down with hungry eyes. Oh please… I look away, staying quiet. What are you doing here anyway? She asks him, putting her hands in her back jean pockets, winding-up. Like it’s not already obvious what you’re trying to do...

- I'm with a good friend, answers, Phil, not revealing anything about this lunch. Right… It’s better this way. Reluctantly, I look up at the girl and give her a small smile. The girl looks at me up and down, clearly judging or being bothered by my presence.

- Right... She says before looking back at Phil and smiles at him. Maybe I should go… I feel like I'm being too much here right now. Can I see you, tonight? I need a little distraction and I'm sure you do too, she asks and tells him with that same flirtatious tone.

- No. I'd rather not, responds, Phil, not even taking time to think of the answer.

- Oh come on, tell me you don't need to relax a little bit. I'm sure the last few days must have been stressful. I could help you with that, she replies with the same annoying flirtatious tone while biting her lower lip and twerking some of her hair with her finger. And Phil liked that…?

- No, it was pretty calm, he tells her, shaking his head lightly. My absolutely not confident self kicks in again… Is he telling her "no" because he knows I want to hear this? Is he doing it because he really doesn't want anything with her? Or will he contact her right after I go back to work? Is it just a play from him? I look away upset and thoughtful. It was going so well...

- Fine, as you want. You know my number if you change your mind, she tells him, sounding disappointed at first but quickly uses that annoying voice and tone again. Even better… Of course he has her number… Well, he can do whatever he wants. We're nothing technically. Just friends. And I'm not jealous of this girl. I just don't like it… The girl leaves us, swaying her hips. Oh God… seriously? Watch where you're going instead...

- I'm sorry… apologizes to me, Phil. I look up at him, disappointed and… I guess, hurt. I'm not disappointed by him. I guess I just don't understand why I didn't see it coming...

- No, it's fine, I say standing up from the bench. I mean, you're mister popular-with-women and it's obvious we couldn't avoid this… I say with a serious tone, a point of jealousy in my voice. I think it's the first time I ever hear this emotion in my own voice. I mean… I'm not jealous… am I? Well… I guess I am...

- No, MC, I'm serious. I don't… He quickly tells me, interrupting me while standing up from the bench as well.

- MC! I suddenly hear someone calling my name. Really? We can't be alone for 30 seconds? I turn around and see Angie approaching rapidly. Oh… I know we're next to the restaurant but why is she here? She should be working... Sorry to interrupt but I just wanted to tell you that you have 2 minutes left before the boss comes to look for you. I'm kind of keeping him in my sight so he doesn't come yelling unnecessary at you again, she tells me seriously, having my back. Thank God for having her as my colleague! She actually saved me from two situations… My boss and Phil's...

- Thanks, Angie, I thank my friend. The girl nods before turning around and starting to run toward the restaurant. I face Phil again, watching the boy looking at me with a small frown. He looks… A little nervous? Disappointed? I have to go, Phil. Sorry, I tell him while shaking my head lightly. Thanks for lunch, I give him a quick and very small smile. I turn around, not waiting for his answer and start to walk toward my work place.

- Will you call me? He asks me, coming after me. I stop and turn around again. Once you're out of work, will you call me? I think we need to discuss what happened, he tells me with a surprisingly pleading tone. Hum… Please, MC, he pleads me all of a sudden. I stare at him a little moment, actually surprised by his tone… Of his emotions. I'm lost… I'm not sure what to believe anymore. Maybe the lunch wasn't right after all? Or was it? So much happened in half an hour...

- Maybe... See you, Phil, I reply with a small nod. Phil lightly nods back to me all while he looks down. He’s... Hurt? It’s actually weird to see this expression on his face...

Without another word, I turn around and walk back to the restaurant before my boss comes looking for me. I already don't know what's going to happen since Phil "argued" with him…

My afternoon passes slowly… Slower than this morning. And just like my boss said, I couldn’t leave work before 6pm… Anyway, I’ve done my day, that’s the most important thing. I mean… One of the most. I wanted to go to my mother’s to bring her the little surprise and to spend some time with her. I wanted to see her. It’s been hard lately for the both of us. I need my mom just as much as she probably needs me. When I reached her front door, I knocked on it, but nobody answered. I knocked again, but still, nobody answered. I took my phone out and only noticed then that my mother had contacted me. Why didn't I look at my phone first…?

- “Hey, baby. I’m going to go see Sarah around 5:30pm so I don’t think I’ll be home when you’ll come see me. I’m sorry, MC.” I read her first message. Oh, she’s not home... “Jessica came to see me this afternoon. You told her to come, didn’t you? Well, I’m glad you did, baby. It felt really nice to see a familiar face and to talk about everything and anything other than the situation we are living currently. Thanks, baby.” I read her second message which brought a soft smile on my face. She’s still sad, I can tell, but she seems to have also realized that life isn’t done for her. My uncle is gone, but not us. We still have to live. That’s what Uncle Alex would want us to do anyway… I know it. I crack a small smile again despite the sad frown. Tomorrow is going to be another long and emotional day… I let my little surprise for mom in front of her front door and walk back home. We live ten minutes from each other’s house. I don’t need my car…

Three hours have passed and I am sitting on the floor of my living-room. A piece of paper is set before me, I am holding a pencil and the TV is on. However, I am not watching it. I only have it on to have some noise in the background. The night has fallen and a small warm light is illuminating the living-room. I am preparing my speech for tomorrow. I’ve been trying to write it for… For a good hour and half now. I have so much to say… And yet, I can’t find a way to say them. It’s hard to find the right words. I try. I wrote a dozen drafts already but all of them sucked. It’s so hard to say how I feel. I don’t open up like this easily. And it’s hard to recount a memory when I know that… It just won’t ever happen again. Not with Uncle Alex at least… I had so many good family moments with him and mom. Vacances… Festivals… When I graduated… My birthdays and Christmases… So many good and memorable moments. I think what blocks me is that, no matter how I try to put it in words, there's just not this magic or this thing that made this moment amazing for me. I just want it to be perfect…

Suddenly, I hear my cell phone buzzing. I gasp as I get out of my thoughts. I wasn’t ready to hear it buzzing… I look at the I.D. caller before answering the call.

- Hey… I say to my best friend. I sounded tireder than I thought… What time is it anyway?

- What did you do or say to my brother? She asks me with a confused tone, actually interrupting me. Huh? What is she talking about?

- Wh... I... I'm sorry, I don't follow, I respond to Jessy with a confused tone. I put the pencil down and lean back to lay against the sofa. I look up at the ceiling, frowning confused. Why is she asking me what I’ve done to Phil? What does she mean by that?

- Phil. Did you say or do something to him? She asks me again, reformulating her question. She sounded just as confused as before. And not upset.

- Why would I have done something to Phil? I ask her back, not answering her question. I mean… Phil is certainly the last person I would hurt… I know I left him kind of on a disappointed note, but… I had to go back to work anyway.

- MC, he told me, she says with a slightly annoyed tone. Though, it wasn’t an annoyed tone to tell me I am bothering her, it was more in a way saying “I know, just spill it out”. He did…? What?

- About the lunch? I ask with an unsure tone. Yet, a point of sorry is heard in my voice as I know that I’ve hidden this from her. And I hate it to have hidden something like this from my best friend… We usually say everything to each other.

- About everything, she responds. Oh… Well, there’s no need for an explanation then… I guess... I've never seen Phil like this for a girl before. I almost didn’t believe him when he told me, she tells me, still sounding like she doesn’t believe what he… Did or said to her. He's really trying, you know? She suddenly tells me. Oh… Trying? I mean, it's true that he did put in some effort for lunch earlier today and he did reject the girl… Lola...

- I'm supposed to call him, I just… I admit to my best friend before pausing. I didn't forget to call Phil. I’m going to call him. I don't hold grudges and I don't dwell on a situation that didn't turn out the way I would have liked. I’m not like that. I just wanted to do the speech first... I am writing what I want to say to my uncle for his funeral tomorrow morning, I admit to Jessy as I stare blankly at the white paper in front of me.

- Oh, MC, I'm so sorry. I thought... You didn't reject Phil? She apologizes to me before a brief pause takes place. Then, she asks me a question, sounding confused. Reject? Now I am the one being confused.

- Reject? How can I reject your brother? He never asked anything, I ask her before stating a fact. I mean, shouldn't I be the one who thought I would get rejected?

- That idiot, I hear her mumbling with a disbelieving tone before sighing.

- I will call him. I just need to finish this first, I tell her my plan sincerely and seriously.

- He told me about Lola, too, she tells me. Oh God… Please, don't mention her. He told me what she said and the way she looked at you. He didn't like it. He hated that she looked at you as if you were a cockroach ready to be smashed and how she talked to him before you. He doesn't want you to think what's not true, she explains to me seriously. She's having her brother's back… It’s not surprising. That’s actually good that she’s having his back. But... How much did he tell her?

- And what's not true? I ask her. He's a womanizer. He's good looking. He owns a bar. He likes girls. That's his nature to run after them, I reply to Jessy, feeling so unsure about myself. Wait… Did I really just tell her that her brother is good looking…?

- MC... She calls me gently as I hear lightly sighing. He rejected her for you. He even deleted her number from his phone. Don't you see what this means? She admits and asks me. I look down with a light frown. He did this? I think it's the first time he actually comes to see me at work because he needs to talk, she says with seriousness, a point of disbelief heard in her voice. Work? Wasn't she with mom? She must have gone back to work after...

- “Comes”? As calling? I question her, unsure.

- “Comes” as walking inside Richy's garage, she corrects me. Oh… It's true that I've never seen Phil going to Richy's garage except for his car, maybe? I'm not even sure about that...

- Phil likes me like... A potential boyfriend would like his potential girlfriend? I mean... Not like he likes Lola? I demand her with a slight shy and confused tone. Yet, some hope in my voice. I hear Jessy softly giggling.

- Phil is Phil. He has his way to do things, which aren’t always the best, and his past. But I can tell you he isn't playing with you. I'd be the first one to yell at him for hurting you, she tells me seriously. She's the best! Wait… But I would never let her choose between Phil and I if things go wrong. I would rather want her to side with her brother than with me. Their siblings bond is much more important. Even though she means everything to me as my best friend. Anyway, there's still something off...

- Wait... You're not mad? I demand her with surprise. I mean, I was expecting her to kind of yell at me for not telling her the whole thing with Phil. Or to just yell at me for having lunch with her brother and maybe more… If it ever happens...

- Why would I be? She asks me back, confused and surprised by my question.

- You're my best friend and he's your brother. Isn't it weird to you? I remind her and ask her with a confused tone. I'm just really surprised...

- Well, I’m definitely caught between two stools but, if you two like each other I can't stop that, she replies sincerely which makes me smile. Why can't I control myself?! I keep smiling crazily when something involves Phil and I. I must be so obvious how I feel for him... I feel my cheeks slightly burning again. It's awful how I can blush so easily with that guy... He was right, it's cute how you blush when someone mentions you both, I hear Jessy saying with a playful tone. What…?

- How do you know I'm blushing? I ask her with a surprised tone as I widen my eyes.

- I didn't but now I do, she says as I hear her laughing. She tricked me… I laugh along with her, amused by how much she knows me. She doesn’t even need to see me anymore to know my facial expression. Anyway, I'm not going to get anything done right now… Maybe I should call Phil first and then get to my speech.

- Thanks, Jessy. I think I'm going to call Phil now, I tell her gently as I keep a small smile on my face.

- Okay. I'll go then. But don't tell him I called to tell you all of this, okay? She asks me with a giggle. Oh, she wasn’t supposed to tell me? The little Devil… I chuckle at her comment.

- Of course, I agree with her. Oh wait! I suddenly stopped her before she could hang up. Thanks again. For my mother this time. She told me that she was going to see her best friend. I'm sure your talk must have helped her realize that things are still going on and that it is just a hard moment to pass, I thank and say with sincerity to my best friend, holding the phone before my mouth as I put her on speaker.

- No problem, she replies with her usual cheerful tone. Oh, before I forget, I'll need your help tomorrow night, she tells me rapidly, sounding excited this time. Just in time… I was about to hang up… Let me guess...

- For your dress as the birthday girl? I demand her even though I already know the answer. I smirk.

- Exactly! She exclaims while giggling.

- Of course. Can you come to my place though? Tomorrow is another long day for me and… I ask with an unsure tone before trying to give her an explanation.

- No need to explain. I'll be here at 7:30p.m., is that alright for you? She responds and asks me.

- Perfect! Thanks Jessy. For everything, I thank my best friend truthfully. I hear her giggling cheerfully as usual before we say our goodbye and hang up.

My head is just so full of thoughts right now… With being concerned for my mother even though she is dealing with the loss of her brother at her pace, dealing with the loss of my uncle at my own pace as well, thinking about Phil, thinking about my stressful job, or more about how much money my boss owes me for cutting my pay so many times, thinking about all the work I have to get done for college… There’s just so much at once. I feel like I haven’t been resting for weeks… Why is it so complicated? Everything seems simple when I’m with Phil though… His calm behavior is just so relaxing and just his presence in general makes you feel comfortable and safe and… Good. Jessy is right, I should call him. What else do I have to do anyway? And let’s not lie to myself, I’m dying to call him to hear the sound of his voice...

[dnarez]

Chapter 7 - Autumn Coat

It's been a few months since you started to work as a caretaker, nothing grand happened, but the times you left for your break once every 14 days, you always come back to a crying Keigo, and a missing mother.

The last time he wrecked the house, there was glass on the floor, footprints on the ceiling, walls painted with... wine? jelly? blood? You don't know, but it was hell to clean, which of course you made lil birb help too.

By questioning him after cleaning everything and then cleaning him, you discovered that his "mother" gave him coffee, and A LOT of it, and went her merry way to meet with someone.

---

To say that you were pissed was a mistake, you were furious, but the commission didn't let you reprehend her, so you had to teach him to not eat and drink something that his mother gave to him, without knowing what it was, and that if he drank coffee he would stop growing, which made him cry, but you promised a day outside with him, where they would eat out, maybe go to a mall, and he could have anything that he wanted.

It was his first time going out to have fun, instead of just going to the gym, or the doctor appointment, so with the 'okay card' from your boss you took him for a stroll, which is why there is a very excited Keigo jumping on your bed at 6am.

"COME. OOOOON!!! WE STILL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY AHEAD OF US!" he shouted while jumping up and down on your bed, his wings flapping behind him.

"Hun, what time it is?" you yawned and sat on the bed.

"It's 6AM! On a Monday!!!"

"I wish you would be this easy to wake up every day, it would make my mornings easier" you huff and got up. "Go wash your face, I will get changed and come to help you change yourself."

"I don't need help! I'm a big boy! I can change myself!" he pouted and crossed his arms.

You smiled at him, seeing how much he opened up to you in comparison to the first day, when he would tremble form how scared he was, and how he talked so little. "I know you can, but you need to put warmer clothes than normal, and it would be better if you didn't pick that awful t-shirt again"

"The one that his written 'Daddy's little boy' with the Endevour's face?" he tilted his head a little.

"Exactly, that one! Now go, we will eat breakfast outside today."

"Woo-hoo!" he raised both hands and was about to jump down to the floor when you held him back and fills his face with kisses "Let me go mommy!" he giggles a lot, and you keep doing it until you decide to release him.

"THE FLOOR IS LAVA!!" You shout and jumps up "If you aren't on your bedroom in 15 seconds the world is going to END!" You say dramatically and open's the door to the laundry room "1... 2... 3... aaaaaand... he's gone" as soon as you opened the door and started the countdown he flew off your small home to his room.

After fixing your bed and washing your face, you went to get changed and choose something comfy, some black jeans, a long sleeved red shirt, a black purse and your favorite beige coat that had white fur on it.

You went to his room to get him ready when you were surprised by the scene, him, Keigo, your baby birb, the cute little shit that was getting more confident with each training, that had the most beautiful smile you had ever seen.

On the floor, curled up in a ball, with a few drops of blood on the ground of the floor, and his mother with her hand in the air, like she was about to hit him...

The world was turning slowly, almost stopping, after three movements of your finger, the one that the nail was always painted black, the dame that had cut the wall.

As the world was moving slowly, you were moving like normal.

5... you calmly walked to Keigo

4... you took him on your arms

3... you put him on the bed

2... you took the pillow case from the pillow

1... you tied both of the hands of Keigo's mother.

The world was back to normal, and Keigo blinked looking at what was now his mother on the ground and you on top of her mobilizing her, while he was no longer on the floor, but on his new fluffy bed that you picked for him "so quick..." he mumbles and look at you with admiration.

You took your phone from your purse, and sat on top of her back "Hello? You saw from the cameras, didn't you? Yeah... I think she needs a few days of vacation... about a week? Okay I let her on the couch then? Thank you, good bye" you turn off the cellphone and look at Keigo who was mouth agape looking at you with shiny eyes. "Let's go?" You smile and pick him up.

"YOU WERE SO AWESOME!!! And didn't you told me to change my clothes?" He hugged your neck

"We can just buy it on the mall but... outside is really cold..." you put him back on the bed and took off your coat "here, I'll lend you my favorite coat, please take good care of it"

He sniffs the coat and is meet by the soft smell of lavender and sweetened coffee.

He looks at you with shiny eyes, "okay!"

You pick him up again and hold his mother's ankle while you drag her to the living room. "Tomorrow is your trainer's day off, so today you can sleep later"

"Woo-hoo!!"

You chuckle and let the woman on the couch, then you go out with him.

"Let's have breakfast and then go out and about"

You carried him to the car, and there you put him on the backseat and when you were going to buckle him up he stopped you.

"Let me do it! I'm a big boy" you nod and watch as he struggles, but after some time does it.

"Good job" you kiss his forehead and goes to the front seat.

As you drive around you put some kids pop, which he sang along to the Disney songs from the movies you showed him.

As you stop at a café that you liked, "Let's go?" He unbuckles himself, and you open the door to him, picking him up again

"I can walk!"

"Not with that bare feet of yours" you tickle his feet which makes him squirm and giggle.

Walking in you take a sit and sat Keigo beside you. "You can get anything, ask away" you took the menu and give it to him "since you learn how to read better I'm sure you can pick what you want"

"Okay!..." he spends 20 minutes  choosing his food, which ended up being a chicken breast sandwich and a soda, you immediately told him no soda in the morning.

"How about some juice?" You offer

"What are you going to drink?" Keigo tilts his head to the side.

"I want to go out and by sweetened coffee from the vending machine, it's my favorite, and no you can't have some"

He giggles and nods "I want strawberry juice!"

"I'm gonna go order it to the cashier, two chicken sandwiches and a strawberry juice"

"Can I pick a dessert?"

"After you eat everything, sure, here play a game on my phone while you wait, I'll be right back" you give him your phone unlocked and go to the cashier.

Keigo is playing on your cellphone when someone approaches him, his little trained feathers don't recognize this person's vibrations, so he looks up and sees a dude with a scary look and long black hair.

They both just stare at each other "sup" Keigo say and discreetly send a feather to you and taps your feet.

You come back to the table and is surprised to see your oldest friend, you give him a big smile "Shouta-niisan!" You hug him, but he only pats your head.

Keigo looks surprised at the interaction, you don't talk about yourself, only the basic and vaguely gives information about what you did before him.

"Is this your kid?" The man looked at Keigo, the man looked like it was around 23 maybe 25.

"Yeah! I'm his-... mom, yeah! I'm his mother" you smile breaking the hug and sat down "too busy to stay?"

He nods and put a can of your favorite sweetened coffee in front of you "You're doing a good job, just be careful, you never know"

You nod back at him and give him a big smile "I will, at least I'm no longer doing patrols, don't forget to call me once a week"

"I never broke a promise, won't start now" he pets your hair and goes away.

Keigo watched the weird transactions extremely curious "Who was him? Is him your older brother? You don't look alike. Why didn't you say goodbye to him? Why does he look like a bun? Why-"

"Enough!" You put your hand on his mouth "He's an old friend, I call him nii-san because I always called him that, no we aren't blood related, he always looked like that, and... we promise to never say goodbye to each other"

"Why?"

"Because a goodbye can be forever, so we just don't say it" a waitress comes to you both and puts everything on the table.

You open the canned coffee and drink it, smiling at him as he eats, you both eat and then went shopping.

...

Keigo could fit in anything, and he would look cute you just loved the way he looked on yellow or beige, they fit well with his red wings.

"Hey mom... I wanted to know if-..." he was scared, uncomfortable maybe? About something.

"You can ask me anything Birb, there is no way that I will not answer" you kneeled on the floor besides him and looked at him through the mirror.

"What's your quirk?" He looked at you while fiddling with his hands.

You smiled at him "It's kinda hard to explain, It's better if I show it to you" you took his hand and paid for the clothing, now that he was with some clothes that were good for the Autumn cold weather.

After getting to the car you drove off to the training gym.

"Why are we here?" Keigo recognized the building quickly.

"My power can be a little destructive, its1better to do this in a place that no one can get hurt" going in you went to your private training room with the little boy following you like a baby duck.

"How destructive?" Keigo held your hand and you held his.

"Very, now stay back" you pressed a bottom on the wall "My quirk needs ink all the time to do anything, and I always have it around me, most likely on my point finger, here I can do almost anything" you made a straight line in the direction of the dummies and cut 3 at the same time, cutting through them.

"Woaaah! What else?" Keigo's wings fluffed up at your awesomeness.

You walk to the middle and make a dot next to him, a huge tree appears from nothing surprising him, he falls to the floor shocked.

"I can also make a path of flowers, and the tree will only stay there for a few seconds, but it can surprise the enemy enough to take them down" you move your finger around under Keigo's feet and there grows some flowers.

"My ability is called Celestial Brush"

"THIS IS SO COOL!" He runs to you, and you pick him up when he's close enough. "MOM YOU ARE AWESOME!"

You look at him surprised and hug him tightly "My son, you are awesome too"

You two stay like that for some time, until he bugs you to show more of your ability,  which you do, you show him each trick and technique you learned until now.

https://youtu.be/BRcfqu3hQkY (your quirk)

(Yes this is your quirk, and everything you can do with it)

After showing him everything  you picked him up and you both go back home to take a shower, eat and sleep.

Those moments in his life were the happiest that Keigo had ever been, always protected by you, he was given the love and affection that he always wanted, he didn't care for everything else, he just cared about you, because you were his true mother, the woman that he would run to when he got himself hurt, to ask about life, to ask about anything really, since you also were his teacher. When he had nightmares you would hold him until he calmed down, would kiss his head, would compliment the small things he had done, and would scout him when he did something wrong.

Keigo loved you more than anything in his life, and Hawks miss you dearly in his, because in the end, you still worked for the commission, and he too didn't have a choice when you went away for an important mission.

The day before your departure you both made a pillow nest in the living room, you induced him on his bird instincts, HD wouldn't have such luxury after you went away.

Neither of you talked about you leaving, instead you showed him your favorite movies, snacks and old latin folktales, the feeling of sadness was there the whole moment.

You tried to give as much advice you could, and only took him off your arms to use the bathroom.

Keigo also didn't wanted to let go of you, both sleep hugging each other, you promised that you would come back as soon as you could, that tou would  ever forgive him if he died while being a hero, that you knew he was build for greatness.

Only when you had to leave that you allowed yourself to cry, at the door with only a backpack in hands, you put your coat on Keigo while he sleep, also letting your diary on his bed, to let him have you all the time.

After tucking him on his nest, you kissed his forehead and kisses his toy's head, going out of that house took a lot of strength, you didn't wanted to go, but duty called, you just hopped it would take less then a year.

. . . . .

But it didn't took a year, it took 18 years to take the ring leader down, and just now you were finally going back to Japan, and to the now number 2 pro hero Hawks.

.............. As you can see there is more to this book

[hells-relief]

on the (belated) third day of themis-mas

Hi there!

It has been SO hard for me to write these past few days; i didn't think writing a Marius fic would be so hard, but it was actually challenging. i just had to get this off my screen, i know it's not the best.

but thanks for reading! here we go!

word count: ~1.7k

"a horror movie? you want to see a horror movie?" i hoped my disbelief translated over the phone. Marius' laugh eased through the speaker.

"why do you sound so shocked, Miss? I love horror movies."

"i-i guess i just never pinned Mr. CEO-of-Pax to love them. I always figured you'd be the drama type." Marius is a sensitive guy, an artist; what is he trying to do here?

"i mean, i do appreciate a good drama but you know what they say: the easiest way to cuddle someone you like is to take them to a horror movie." ahh, so that's what this was about. little did he know, i actually love horror movies; i've always been a fan, and it is something that helps me unwind after work. something about the controlled environment of a movie really makes me feel relaxed.

"ha ha. Anyway, i have been meaning to see a new one in theatres. which one do you want to see: Until the Break of Dawn, The Last Mansion on the street, Day 0, In the Deafening Silence..."

"how do you know so many of them?" he sounds almost shaky; i might be able to have some fun with this. I twirl a lock of my chestnut hair to get myself into character.

"oh, i don't know! i watch a lot of movie trailers i guess!" feigning innocence against Marius is easy; he sees things so innocently, so trustingly, that it is almost infectious. but i do know, deep down, there is something... darker that stirs in him.

"well, good! i'll come pick you up in 15 minutes, miss." he hangs up the phone, and i pull it away from my ear to look at it. his phone calls always leave more to the imagination. i constantly find myself wondering what his motives are, what he is thinking, and more importantly, what all this has to do with me. I mean, i guess the man owes me something for getting him off of a murder charge, but honestly, it's been almost a year now and he is still fawning after me. Oh, well, i think. at least i can have some fun tonight, AND see a new movie.

I am waiting downstairs when the car pulls up, and when i go towards the backseat, the driver's side window rolls down. I can see the flash of Marius's blue-black hair in the driver's seat.

"oh, you're driving tonight?" I tease as i make my way to the passenger seat. "what a treat." His eyes are practically glowing with mischief; a small shiver makes its way down my spine as i look him unwaveringly in the eyes.

"of course i am; it's only right that on a date the man drives." he places the car in drive and we are off down the misty street. It is just slightly raining tonight; enough for me to choose my rain coat and a sweater underneath. i scowl at the side of his face.

"who said anything about a date?"

"well," he says, using his long fingers to push back his silky hair. i got a little lost watching this happen; his hands just move so deptly through this practiced motion that it is almost hypnotic. in spite of myself, i wonder what those fingers would feel like running through my hair... "i offered to take you out. To me, that is a date, and no one will tell me otherwise." i roll my eyes but say nothing, still trying to calm my hot face from my earlier thoughts. please, i beg myself, keep it together. i pull out my phone to read the description of the movies to Marius.

"So, are you in the mood for a zombie movie, a ghost movie, a slasher movie, an alien movie...?" he fidgets in his seat; suddenly, the composed nature he was trying to put off comes undone a little. one of his hands moves to his Z necklace, and feeds the charm around the silver chain.

"uhh, which is your favorite? I have to be accommidating to the lady."

"i am more of a slasher fan, but this new ghost movie looks pretty interesting. it is about a family that is trying to sell the only house left vacant on their street, but the house has a curse passed down through the buyers that haunt them with their worst fears." this movie has been getting rave reviews online, but i didn't want to tell him that i knew that; i was still trying to play dumb.

"that does sound... interesting." he murmurs, eyes focused on the road ahead of him, almost a little too focused if i do say so myself. "if that is the one you want to see, we shall see it." he sighed after speaking, feeling to me a little resigned. Maybe he knew, as well, that people online are saying it is one of the "scariest movies of the year".

When we get to the theatre, i start to get suspicious. This is all too... casual for Marius. i look at the side of his face quizically as we breeze through the ticket booth. his mouth turns up at the ends, pulling into a smile, and i am once again lost. He is in just a t-shirt and bomber jacket, with a pair of more casual pants, ones that are loose but tighten at the ankles. He looks like any other 21 year-old; except i know that this outfit alone cost more than my rent, and yet the pants were littered with minute paint splotches. i shook my head, and looked at marius.

"where are we going to get our tickets? we walked right past the ticket booth." his grin widened, and he held up two ticket stubs.

"i've already got 'em, and we're in the last theatre on the right." i raised a single eyebrow; i knew this theatre well, and the last theatres were reserved for private parties.

"let me guess... no one else is going to be in there?" he scoffed at my question, as if the answer was incredulous to think about.

"of course not! Do you think i'd let anyone else ruin my chance? Also, i always think privacy with you is a bit more... alluring." his black-blue bangs fell over his eyes as they met mine. looking at his face, and the way the light played off of his sharp nose, and the way even his eyes conveyed a sense of playfulness... i involuntarily parted my lips. i thought i heard his breath catch...

"this-this is the theatre, i think!" i say hastily. what is up today? i ask myself. i'm not normally this... flirty with him. maybe it was the weather, maybe it was the whole idea of a movie theatre date, but i felt out of form tonight.

He holds the door open for me, and i murmur my thanks. at this point, along with embarrassment and a burning feeling in the bottom of my stomach, i am starting to feel excitement. this movie is the latest from a new director who has made some seriously scary movies recently... i suddenly got an idea.

"Marius, have you seen this director's other movies?"

"No, i don't think so. why?" he takes a seat next to me in the middle of the theatre, five or six rows from the top.

"Marius, his movies are really, really scary. they've made people pass out in the theatre before. i came and saw his latest one. two or three people threw up in the theatre and left." i felt him still next to me, and even though it was dark, i knew his face was devoid of color. i have you all figured out, Marius Von Hagen.

"oh, that's cool. you know, i-i actually didn't see that one because i heard it was lame." i rolled my eyes so hard that when i opened them, i could hardly see the screen.

"oh, nice! so then, you won't need me to sit right next to you, right? i mean we have this whole theatre we might as well take up as much space as possible!" i made my way to get up, and at that moment, the lights dimmed. i felt a long-fingered hand grab my arm and pull me down in the seat. before i knew it, both of his arms were wrapped around the one of mine, snaked so closely to me that i almost felt my circulation cut off.

"please stay."

The tender words leaving his lips are enough to make me weak at the knees. marius is never like this, truly; he is mostly mischevious, cunning, and a hard businessman. but to see him cowering, in my arms, was truly a sight to behold.

"admit it. you hate scary movies."

"no i-" the theatre was then filled with a shrill, high suspense noise; the sound was common in horror movies. But, still, Marius shoved his eyes into my shoulder. "is it really my fault i'm so freaked out?! you did it on purpose!"

The heat of his head on my shoulder melted any ice i had left for him. he sounded so pitiful, so tiny, that i couldn't play him anymore.

"do you want to leave? we can go grab something to eat." he takes a deep breath, and his forehead against my shoulder ripples. his warm breath spreads over the arm of my sweater.

"no. no, i know you want to see this. you sounded really excited. and i dont want you to miss out on this. I will just have to deal with it!" he declares. i am taken aback by his determination, and also a little touched. i thought maybe his motives were skewed, but his heart was child-like and so, so big.

and well, if he insists. we'll stay.

[tiktoks-aphrodite]

When it Fits

⚠️I did not change anything before I posted this. I also did not proofread. Bad grammar and strange writing choices below.⚠️

Rory's POV

———————————————————————

I have just told my mom I am pregnant. She looked so shocked and I can only assume upset. Obviously she wasn't disappointed in me for getting pregnant, she must be upset because I'm alone.

"Mom?" I spoke, "Please say something." She looked at me and sighed. But then she smiled. "Oh kid!" She said, tearing up, "Congratulations my baby girl." And she hugged me tight.

It was nice. My best friend was happy for me even though I've screwed up so bad. I started to cry as well.

"Is it Logan's?" She asks calmly, with only some nervousness in her voice. I just look down and nod, sniffling a little. She takes my hand and squeezes it. "It's ok. I'm not mad." She says.

"But Mom. I'm pregnant and the dad is engaged to another women. I had sex with a man I knew was taken. I'm so terrible, I-" I cry some more.

"Shhh. Shh. It's ok. It's ok." She holds me. "Ah sweets, everything will be good." I nod. She's warm and it is freezing out. I want to stay in her arms forever.

"Mom? Can we head back now?" I ask groggily. I've been up since, what like 12 a.m.? I need rest. "Course hun. We need all the energy we have for wedding number two!!" She says with a very happy laugh. I smile wide.

When we get home we find Kirk and Peddles passed out on the couch. I laugh as I think of how this is not the weirdest thing I've seen in Stars Hollow.

For instance, I've seen two troubadours fight passionately about who can sing in our small town. I've seen Kirk dressed like a woman and pretend to seduce Taylor; not to mention his very memorable film. I've seen a dead body outline right next to Doose's Market, which I can admit now was hilarious and even though I caused this one, I saw a beat up old car doused in deviled eggs. 

"Psssst!" I turn towards the noise. "Kid do you want pop tarts or leftover tacos?" My Mom whispers. "Both duh!" I retort. "Oh good, I'm not alone with wanting both." She fake sighs of relief. Count on Mom to always want the lot when it comes to food.

I go to my room and lay down. The mattress is soft and warm. Perfect for early morning napping. Mom comes in and hands me my food. I start getting up to eat at the table, but my mom stops me. "What's the point of me bringing you breakfast in bed if you don't eat the breakfast in your bed? Sit back down missy."

With that she shuts my door and let's me eat in silence. It is always nice to have a calm meal in your room alone. I eat then doze off.

I awake to the sound of knocking. There are footsteps then some muffled talking and then someone knocks on my room door. "Come in." I say. Jess walks in with coffee. "Hey." He says.

What in the world is Jess Mariono doing in my room at 11:15 in the morning? "Hi?" I say. He laughs. "I came by to drop off coffee to Luke, Lorelai and you. I figured you guys don't want to go out before the wedding."

Oh. I feel silly now. I thought he had come to see me. Ehh. It's fine. Not like I care really.

"Oh. Yeah thanks." I say and grab the cup. I start to take a sip but then stop. Your not supposed to have normal coffee when your pregnant I think. I set it on my nightstand.

Jess quirks an eyebrow. "Rory Gilmore did you just turn down coffee?" He says with a shocked laugh. I go red, not knowing how to respond. "It was too hot." I lie.

He comes over and sits on the edge of the bed. "It was made almost twenty minutes ago. I had to walk from Luke's." He says.

I give a small laugh and try to start a different conversation. "Did you read the first three chapters?" I ask. "Well I only saw the paper as you were holding it and jumping up and down. So I have yet to read it." Jess responds. I pull out the papers from my bag and hand him them.

"You can read it now if you like." I say. Jess grabs it and goes to sit in the chair on the other side of my room. He starts reading, smiling every so often.

I can't describe it, but it feels nice to sit with him like this. It fits. Like what my mom was talking about in the Gazebo, how people have to fit. Obviously we aren't a couple and won't ever be again, but we do fit. I'll admit that.

~~~~ I wrote this when I was maybe 15 (?) so go easy lol

There are currently four published parts on Wattpad and a fifth one in the works.

I am not going to promise a “regular posting schedule” so be forewarned 😂😄

Hope you like it!! 💜💖

[perseusannabeth]

I'll Hold Your Hand - modern AU Nessian fic

Summary:  Cassian is finally going to spend some alone time with Nesta, and he's going to woo the shit out of her. He's totally going to seduce her. This is his chance, finally! However, when he gets to Nesta's flat, he realises that this may not be the best time for seduction.

Notes:  This is not beta-read so please let me know if there are any mistakes! I wrote this for my friend @acourtofmarauders who asked for some Nessian fluff. If anyone has any acotar prompts they would like me to write, then please send me an ask!

Cassian would be lying through his teeth if he said he wasn’t dressing extra carefully today. He had spent 2 hours going through every combination of outfits he could possibly wear, and another hour (once he had chosen an outfit) had been dedicated to fixing his hair. He was nervous, and that was a new feeling for him. Cassian never got nervous, especially when it came to women.

Nesta Archeron however, was no ordinary woman. In fact, when she was angry, he wasn’t even sure she was a woman, she looked like a dragon sometimes, with smoke blowing out of her nostrils when she got angry and ready to breathe fire and burn down whoever angered her, which was usually him. He loved it though. At first, he just loved pissing her off for the sake of it. He didn’t hate her, he just didn’t really like her either and she irritated him, got under his skin and somehow knew how to push all the wrong buttons. Now though, he just loved to watch the way her cheeks would flush, her brows would furrow, and the slight clench of her jaw. He enjoyed their verbal sparring, which he had come to see as a release for the tension between them, only the past few months it felt like the verbal spars were not enough to get rid of the tension.

If she could see him now, primping and preening in the mirror for hours on end, she would have insulted him till he begged for a reprieve, but he doesn’t care. He wants to make sure he looks irresistible but make it look effortless. She could never know his effortless look took him 3 hours. In fact, none of his friends could ever know. They would never shut up about it. He thanked the cauldron that Azriel was spending a few days away with Elain so he couldn’t witness what a mess he was. Sometimes living with your brother had its downsides. He was just thankful that Rhys didn’t still live here. He shuddered at the thought of Rhys and Feyre seeing him getting ready for his not-date with Nesta.

Cassian knew he was acting like this was a date, but he didn’t care. Nesta had invited him to go over to her flat when she was home alone to eat junk food and watch films together, and Cassian was ecstatic. If he had known that mentioning that he had never seen Lord of the Rings, despite having read all the books would have made Nesta so outraged that she’d invite him to spend time with her, then he would have mentioned it ages ago.

He looked at the clock again to check if it was a reasonable enough time to set off. He didn’t want to get there too early, as eager as he was, because that might annoy Nesta and he didn’t want to start their 12-hour marathon with Nesta being angry at him. He also would rather die than get there late, so he kept checking the clock. Nesta had told him to come over for 6 pm so they could marathon all three of the films. She had warned that it would be an endurance test and that if he was a “weak ass bitch” (direct quote from Nesta herself), then she would “leave him for dead”.

Cassian looked at himself one last time in the mirror. His hair was tied in a messy man bun that had taken way too much time to make it look so effortless and not as though he had run in the wind. He had kept his outfit simple, wearing a grey fitted shirt which he knew made his muscles look great, and his favourite joggers which he knew did wonders for his ass (not that it needed help but still, every little helps where Nesta is concerned). Nesta had warned him to dress comfortable, but that didn’t mean he had to dress like a slob.

He grabbed his favourite red zip-up hoodie, made sure he had his phone, charger and keys as he walked into the kitchen. Nesta had said she would have some snacks but Cassian wanted to do a little extra, so he had prepared a pasta bake, which just needed to go in the oven when he got to Nesta’s place. He had also taken the liberty of buying an assortment of junk food, including sour sweets (Nesta’s favourites) and Yorkie chocolate bars (Nesta claimed she started eating them out of spite and can’t stop. He’s too afraid to ask what that even means).

He somehow managed to lock up while holding the pasta bake and the tonne of junk food, and then went and put his things in his car. He tried to drive as slowly as he could without annoying other people on the roads, just to make sure he didn’t get there too early, but still ended up arriving 15 minutes earlier than he was supposed to. Still, Cassian decided Nesta couldn’t be too mad at him for arriving early (could she?) so he decided to take a chance and go up to her flat.

He knocked on her door cautiously and heard a muffled swear from inside which made him grin. Perhaps their little Lord of the Rings marathon wasn’t only making him nervous. The idea that Nesta was nervous too made Cassian grin even wider, his heart fluttering slightly at the thought of Nesta getting nervous because of him.

The door swung open, interrupting Cassian’s thoughts. Nesta stood in the doorway, leaning against the door frame. She looked… tired? It threw Cassian, seeing her like this. Her hair was in a messy plait that she had clearly slept in, she was wearing what looked like some Mulan pyjamas and a pastel pink fluffy dressing gown over them. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, she looked a little sweaty, her eyes were half-closed as she looked at Cassian. This was not the poised and ready to step on his balls while wearing high heels Nesta he was used to.

“Hi sweetheart, are you okay?” Cassian forgot all about any ideas to woo Nesta, worry at the forefront of his mind now. Something was clearly wrong because Nesta would rather die than be seen in this state, especially by him.

“Hmm? Don’t call me that,” Nesta protested half-heartedly, her eyes still half-closed as she leaned against the door frame, her head moving to rest against it as though it was too heavy for her to carry.

Cassian decided to throw all caution to the wind and step forward, lightly touching her arm while balancing the ridiculous amounts of food he had bought for the two of them. “Nes, you don’t look very well. Are you okay?”

“I was gonna call you to cancel but then I got really tired and fell asleep. It was just really exhausting getting out of bed to go to the bathroom and kitchen so I had to rest on the sofa.” Nesta said softly. It was strange hearing the normally sharp-tongued Nesta sound so soft and sleepy. He had never seen her so vulnerable, and it made his heart swell.

“Why do you have your head against the doorframe sweetheart? You have a temperature too?”

“Yeah, I think so. Also, I’m a little dizzy right now. I’m not too bad when I’m ill usually, but the flu always affects my balance because once I had an ear infection.” She moved her head from the doorframe, turning her head to look at Cassian with those beautiful, sleepy eyes. As she moved her head, she swayed a bit, her grip tightening on the door frame as she did.

“Right, hang on a second,” Cassian said, quickly spurring into action and moving past her to put down the food he had bought on the kitchen counter, before rushing back to the front door, closing it and slowly guiding Nesta back to the sofa in her living area. Once he had Nesta safely seated, he let out a breath he had been holding.

“Thank you. You don’t have to stay, you know. As you can probably tell, I’m in no fit state to watch Lord of the Rings right now. Plus, the only correct way to do it is to marathon them and I don’t have the energy for that,” Nesta let out a small, sad-sounding sigh which sounded more like she was struggling to breathe as she lay herself down.

“That’s fine, we can watch Lord of the Rings another time. I don’t mind,” Cassian smiled at her softly as he grabbed the blanket at the foot of the sofa and covered her in it.

Nesta frowned. “You don’t have to stay,” she repeated.

“I know I don’t have to stay, but I want to stay.”

There was silence as Nesta looked at Cassian, confusion written all over her face plain as day. She never made it this easy to read her, but Cassian enjoyed the fact that for once, he might be able to guess what’s going on in her head.

“I… I don’t… why?”

“Why not? You’re ill, nobody else is here. I’m not going to let you deal with this on your own, especially when you tell me you’re getting dizzy. It’s not safe. Plus, I don’t mind what we do, even if it’s just sitting here and watching some mindless TV while you doze off. I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“Oh,” was all Nesta could say to Cassian’s confession. He couldn’t be sure, but she almost sounded shocked? But surely not, because he always told her how much he enjoyed talking to her.

“Okay, so have you had any food, water or medicine today?” Cassian asked, getting into his ‘nurse Cassian’ way of thinking, as Azriel had lovingly named it back when Azriel had been very ill when they were younger. Cassian just couldn’t help himself, he always felt the need to protect those he loved.

“I had some water and 2 cookies when I woke up. I fell asleep pretty soon after so I haven’t had anything else yet.”

Cassian frowned. “Nesta, it’s now past 6. Are you telling me that all you’ve had today is 2 cookies and a glass of water? What the fuck!”

“I fell asleep, that’s why! I only just woke up when you knocked on my door. Plus, it’s not so bad, I woke up at 1 pm today so it’s only been a few hours,” Nesta said defensively, a little sharpness returning to her voice.

“No wonder you’re feeling dizzy, you’ve not had any medicine or anything of nutritional value to eat, and most of the day has passed! Come on, what do you want to eat? Anything specific?”

“I don’t care as long as it’s not soup. I’m not dying, I still want real food, and soup never tastes good. Plus, I used to have it all the time when I was younger, it reminds me too much of starving and shoving random things in a pot to make ‘soup’ that we would have tiny little portions of so that it would last us a week.”

Cassian has never heard Nesta talk about their childhood. He knew from Feyre how tough things had been, but Nesta had never once spoken about it. He had always assumed that she didn’t care, and from what Feyre had told them, both her and Elain had pretended nothing was happening. Perhaps, Cassian mused, there was more going on there too, more than what she had let her sisters see.

“Okay, no soup. I made a pasta bake so we could always have that. It just needs to go into the oven for a little while. Does that sound good to you?” Nesta nodded, making Cassian smile.

He was glad that his pasta bake would come to good use. He was just glad that despite the fact that Nesta probably didn’t want him here, she didn’t seem to be kicking him out. He wanted to be able to help her and look after her. She hated people seeing her vulnerable, he knew that, and he was honoured that she was putting up with him and allowing him to be there for her.

Cassian walked over to the kitchen, put the oven on and pulled some dishes out of Nesta’s cupboards while the oven warmed up. Once the oven was warmed up, he put the pasta bake into the oven and set a timer on his phone, making sure it was on vibrate so it didn’t make too much noise and startle Nesta.

While he had been rattling around in the kitchen, Nesta had put the TV on and started Netflix up and was looking through to find something to watch. She eventually decided on Queer Eye but had the volume on very quietly, so it was just some comfortable background silence. Cassian glanced at her on the sofa and saw her struggling to keep her eyes open.

“Where do you keep your medicine?” Cassian asked, deciding he should also see what she had in her medicine cupboard too.

“There’s some in the small cupboard right at the end and then there’s some stuff in the bathroom cupboard too,” Nesta answered, jolting at the sound of his voice as she kept almost falling asleep. Cassian could see that she was fighting valiantly to stay awake. She would probably fight the illness with the same kind of energy and knowing Nesta, be fine in no time through sheer determination alone.

Cassian looked through the cupboards and managed to find some lemsip tablets in the bathroom, as well as the powdered stuff in the kitchen. “Do you want lemsip powder or tablets?” he asked as he walked towards her, holding both up in his hands.

“Ugh, the tablets for sure. The powered stuff tastes like shit. I used to suffer through it and drink that shit until Feyre told me that there was a tablet form of it.” Nesta looked at the offending powder with disdain, narrowing her eyes at it as though it had offended her.

“Okie dokie! The powder stuff is definitely evil. I don’t know how we’re expected to drink it. It does not taste like lemon and lime, it tastes like lies and poison.” Cassian said, throwing the powder back into the cupboard.

His phone started buzzing in his pocket and he quickly went to take the pasta out of the oven. He quickly plated it up for Nesta, putting it on the coffee table in front of her along with the biggest glass he could find, full of water. He then went to get his own plate and water and sat beside her.

Nesta looked at him suspiciously and then looked at the pasta in front of her. Cassian just grinned at her and started eating. Nesta watched him for a minute, before following his lead. Cassian knew as soon as she had put the fork in her mouth because Nesta let out a positively sinful moan.

“Fuck, that’s amazing,” Nesta said, looking over at Cassian, her eyes widened with shock.

Cassian felt his cheeks heat a little, a combination of her praise and the incredibly sexy noise she had let out. He would usually have made a dirty comment after hearing a noise like that, but he decided to hold back for once, only going easy on Nesta because she was ill.

Nesta ate the food at a slightly alarming pace, and Cassian was half worried that she would choke on her food at the speed she was eating, and was on edge just in case he needed to quickly stop her from choking. Nesta didn’t pay him any attention, eating and watching Queer Eye.

When her plate was empty, she drank some of her water. Cassian got up, taking both the plates to the sink and grabbing the cold and flu tablets and handing them to Nesta. She silently took one, before lying back down again.

Cassian turned back to the kitchen when he heard a soft “thank you” coming from the sofa. He stopped in his tracks, not quite sure he had heard it right. He looked at the TV, wondering if he had just heard it from that, and then looked at Nesta, who was watching him.

“Sorry, did you say something?” Cassian asked as he started washing their dishes.

“I know you heard me, don’t ruin it now by being a bastard.” Cassian simply raised his eyebrow at her, before drying his hands and putting cling film on the remaining pasta and putting it in the fridge. “I said, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed the food,” he said, sitting down near Nesta’s feet. She lifted them to make room for him. As he sat down, he pulled her feet back into his lap. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better. I guess you were right about the whole food thing making me feel better.”

“Wow, who would’ve thought we’d see the day where Nesta Archeron admits I was right?” Cassian said, feigning shock. Nesta huffed and gave his leg a light kick. “But seriously, you knew the food would make you feel better. You should take better care of yourself. Or maybe, let others in to take care of you from time to time. Like this, us right now.”

“But I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” Nesta said, not angry, the way she had said those words many times in the past. Just softly, stating a fact, but her voice tinged with confusion.

“Look, Nesta, admitting that you need help occasionally doesn’t mean you’re weak. Everyone needs help from time to time. Needing someone to take care of you when you’re ill doesn’t mean you’re needy or dependent or a burden on someone, it just means you’re human. And believe it or not, not everyone is out to get you. There are people in your life who would gladly help you, and ask for nothing in return.”

“Like you?” she looked at Cassian with an emotion etched on her beautiful face that he had never seen before. It was hope, softness, and perhaps maybe even fondness for him, all rolled into one.

“Nesta Archeron, I would drop everything to come and help you with whatever you needed, however stupid or mundane you might think it is.” Nesta looked away, and let a small smile grow on her face. Cassian had seen Nesta smile before, don’t get him wrong, but they were more smirks and ‘I’ll kill you’ smiles, in the heat of their arguments. This smile was something different altogether, and it reminded him of how Nesta truly took his breath away.

“I’m tired,” Nesta said after a few minutes of silence.

“Okay, well then you need to sleep.” Cassian stood up, switching the TV off, pulling the blanket off of her and picking her up. She barely weighed anything, which worried Cassian. He didn’t want to annoy Nesta by monitoring her eating habits, especially because he didn’t know why she was so underweight and that could be a risky move, but he hoped he would be able to get her to eat more. He’d even cook for her himself if she wanted.

Nesta, surprisingly, did not react when he picked her up. She just put her arms around his neck and stared at him as he carried her into her room. He placed her softly onto the bed, took her dressing gown off her and hung it up, then tucked her into bed. He then went back into the living room, picked her glass up from the coffee table, filled it up with fresh water and put it on her bedside cabinet, next to some more cold and flu tablets. He then turned to leave Nesta in peace, when she called out for him.

“Cassian?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” He asked, turning around. “Do you need anything else?” Nesta nodded, then gestured for him to come closer.

He walked closer until he was looming over her bed. She slowly reached out for his hand, and kissed the back of it, then let go and smiled at him. “Thank you, for taking care of me.”

“Is that what the kiss was for?” Nesta nodded. “Well sweetheart, if you want to thank me then there are plenty of ways you can thank me when you’re feeling better,” he smiled.

“I would’ve kissed you properly now but I don’t want you to get ill either. I’m nowhere near as good of a nurse as you are.”

“What you might lack in the care department, you could make up by wearing a sexy nurse costume.” he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

She laughed. “I think that would make you stay sick for longer.”

“I think you’re right,” he said, joining her in her laughter.

Nesta’s laughter subsided. She stared at him openly, her eyes roaming all over him. “Will you stay?” she said eventually, so quiet he could’ve missed it if there wasn’t total silence around them.

“Stay here?” he asked dumbly, not quite believing she would want him to continue to intrude, especially when she was about to sleep.

“Yes. Stay with me, please,” she said, her soft sleepy voice returning, her eyes starting to close before she opened them again. Cassian could see how much force and effort it was taking for her to keep her eyes open. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He grabbed Nesta’s armchair, where she no doubt spent many an hour reading her romance books, and pushed it until it was close enough to the bed that Nesta could reach out for him if she wanted.

He sat down on the chair, and Nesta instantly grabbed his hand, the same one she had kissed. He watched as she drifted off in a matter of minutes, the medicine making sleep come to her a lot quicker than usual. Even as she drifted off, she did not stop holding his hand at all. Cassian ran his thumb over the back of her hand softly, repeating the motion as he stared at the beautiful woman before him. He wasn’t entirely sure this wasn’t a dream, but if it was he never wanted to wake. Nesta’s face was much more relaxed now she was asleep, the frown lines and pursed lips smoothed out. She looked, younger, and almost carefree, apart from the clear signs of fatigue that lined her face. The bags under her eyes were prominent, and Cassian knew she studied into the night, working herself too hard.

Still, Cassian mused to himself, perhaps now that Nesta had let him in, he could convince her to take better care of herself. He needed to make sure that she knew that Cassian was in this for the long haul, and perhaps she would lower her walls more, and finally let him in.

As he drifted off to sleep, still holding her hand, he realised that perhaps she already had let him in.

End Notes: Thank you to everyone who is reading! Please let me know what you thought of it. Also, I've realised that perhaps some of the things I mentioned are very British? I'm not entirely sure but I figured I'd give an explanation just in case.

Yorkies are a chocolate bar, which used to have the slogan 'not for girls' which is obviously very dumb. They changed it years ago, however, before they changed it, when I was younger, I ate the chocolate bar out of spite because the slogan and some boys said I couldn't do it. The adrenaline rush was just wow, a lot at the time for an 8-year-old.

Lemsip is medicine for colds and flu. Most people tend to have the powdered stuff, which you have to mix into boiling water and drink like its tea. It claims to be lemon and lime flavoured but it's actually just lies and makes me gag because it's disgusting. I was very offended because I suffered for all these years but then my sister told me there were tablets too??? Betrayal??? Nobody bothered to tell me???

[pinnochiro]

pinn reviews - final fantasy xv

a long ramble about final fantasy fifteen that sort of looks like a review, as written by someone who finished the game fifteen minutes ago and needs to get these words out of his head. spoilers inbound.

i'm a pretty big fan of video games. i don't know what my first was, but it was probably either banjo and kazooie or mario kart 64, at my cousin's house when i was very small. i think that video games as a medium are so interesting, since the fact that video games are inherently interactive changes the way that they tell any story. it's a shame that despite loving video games so much, i'm absolutely terrible at them.

i'm absolute dogshit at video games. whenever i boot up something new, i always play on easy mode because. i'm that bad. unfortunately, this means that a lot of video games are simply. impossible for me to beat. that's fine, as at the moment i live with my good friend lizz, who is certifiably Good at Video Games, and so we've been playing video games together for a little bit now. typically this means that she will actually play the majority of the game while i sit with her and watch, but occasionally i'll have a go, but she'll end up with the controller as soon as a boss fight or puzzle or a mechanic i just can't seem to grasp shows up. we recently played through the entirety of the kingdom hearts series together, and this was an absolute blast of a time. i'm glad to say that i adore kingdom hearts now, and it's become one of my hyperfixations, which you might be able to tell from my icon. but we'd finished the kingdom hearts series, and we were left to move onto something else. we'd also played final fantasy 7 remake, so in my wisdom, i suggested that we play another final fantasy game.

we looked through the ff games that were already purchased on our consoles thanks to lizz's uncle, and eventually, we decided that we should play. all of them. however to start, we were going to play final fantasy xv, 15, and work our way backwards through the mainline, single-player games.

i'd heard that xv wasn't very good, but honestly, i was still quite curious. one person who i'd been following on twitter for years was pretty obsessed with the main party members, to the point where i knew their names and what-not even though i didn't have much of an idea what the game itself was about. i remember watching a video by supereyepatchwolf a few years ago about how the game sucked, but i couldn't remember much of the details, and i knew, based on my obsession with kingdom hearts, that xv had started as a different game called final fantasy versus xiiv. i don't know all the details about versus thirteen, but i do know that it was originally helmed by the creator of my beloved kingdom hearts, mr tetsuya nomura, and that after many years, the vast majority of the game was thrown out, nomura wasn't in charge any more, and the whole thing was rewritten and reworked, which sounds like a fairly rough development cycle. but so what, i don't care about gameplay. i want to play the video game with those cute guys that i see fanart of on twitter, and lizz seemed happy enough to play through it with me.

and so we started final fantasy xv. i've been told that since the game was practically dead on arrival, they threw in a bunch of new content and reworked a lot of the early game before i got my hands on it. so my gameplay started with a scene of the four guys fighting some demon dude on fire and they're all old and grotty. whatever, that cutscene ends and we're put into a combat tutorial. that's over and we're on the road in what looks to be central america, pushing a car.

our four leading lads are noctis, the prince of the lucis empire, his best friend prompto, his bodyguard, gladio, and his chef and other things, ignis. i do quite like the main four members of the party in xv. prompto is quite easily my favourite, voiced by robbie daymond of goro akechi fame and with a bunch of fun little animations and quips that make him very likeable. he gets extremely excited at the idea of riding chocobos and has what i considered the best scene of the game, where he and noctis meet on a motel rooftop and discuss prompto's imposter syndrome, since he's only part of noctis' official retinue as his best friend. noctis is a fairly typical main protagonist, he's in love with a woman he hasn't seen in eight years and needs to go marry her or something, i don't care. gladio is a tough macho man with a mullet who wears leather jackets and wields a greatsword, and is apparently only 22, which is at least 10 years younger than i assumed. ignis is a strategist and chef, who takes on the most authoritative role and constantly tells noctis to not drive his car at night. i was not a fan of ignis at the start, but he grew on me, especially with how hard the game hit me with his personal arc. the four boys are off, driving to noctis' wedding in a different country across the desert when their car breaks down. we then run into the first issue of the game.

cindy is a mechanic. she also has her ass and tits out constantly, like your sleazy uncle's shirt with a naked woman was instead semi-alive as a video game person. she fixes your car and acts fairly sexual and it's just like. why do we have to do this. aren't we over overtly sexualised women in video games who have no reason for the way they dress other than the character designer was horny? whatever, i like women as much as the next guy, but cindy's design just. makes me feel so uncomfortable.

anyways you get to do a little driving around with the boys, until you stay the night before catching the boat to your fiance. overnight, you find out that noctis' kingdom has been basically destroyed by an invading empire called niflheim, and practically everyone noctis knows, including his father, are dead. you learn that noctis and his bride to be are also assumed dead, with noctis hearing his own death announcement on the radio. the game has a bunch of added cutscenes that are actually footage from the three-hour-long prequel movie that came out after the game, are extremely hard to follow and honestly i had no idea what i was looking at. anyways, noctis' family is dead, so it's time to do some hunting sidequests.

that brings us to the combat, i suppose. rather than the turn-based or even active turn-based combat that the series is known for, xv opts for more modern action rpg-styled combat. i was, naturally, terrible at this, but i managed to get around it with the fact that. it is almost impossible to die in this video game, provided you have enough items. the game allows you so much time to heal yourself that there's practically no way to have your entire party wipe unless you're doing absolutely terrible, and even then, your party members will probably try and heal you themselves before that happens. lizz tells me that the combat is boring, you just push the same button over and over and then you win. i do appreciate that, for someone like me who is terrible at reading enemy movements, there is a giant button that pops up on screen that tells you when to push the block button, but even then i was prone to fucking it up. whether that's the bad game design or my terrible gaming abilities is up to you to decide. anyways, the game is fairly easy but has annoying combat, your teammates limit breaks will only land about 50% of the time (or never, if you are gladio) and i was still bad at it, so i didn't have all that much fun.

instead of an active levelling system, the game will only tally your character's level ups when you either make camp or visit a hotel. camping is, in my opinion, the only saving grace of this game. each time you make camp, you get to see the characters doing fun little camping activities together and just hanging out, ignis will cook up a new meal in a dramatic fashion and everyone will compliment him and eat it off their coleman's branded plates, it's just very fun. you also get to see what pictures prompto has taken, which is one of my favourite gameplay features. prompto's passion is photography, and while i support him in this wholeheartedly, his picture taking skills are, quite frankly, awful. the game will randomly take shots while you're on the move, which leaves you with a delightful selection of awkward poses, characters hidden behind bushes, pictures taken while someone is half-dead in combat, and snaps where the natural lighting absolutely makes it impossible to tell what's going on. it's hilarious and going through prompto's collection of photos each night is honestly the best part of the game. we managed to wind up with a few shots that, even despite being scripted events, turned out absolutely terrible, and i will cherish those forever.

anyways, since noctis' father and fiance are dead, that leaves him the king of lucis. the only important person to make it out of the capital alive tells you to drive to the middle of nowhere, where he randomly springs on you. hey. go into a bunch of these dungeons and absorb a bunch of swords, this is your destiny as king and how you will defeat the empire. noctis goes, uh, alright i guess, and you're set loose again to wander around for a bit collecting the 'royal arms'. this plot point wasn't explained well but hey, whatever, we're collecting the glowy swords and that's fine.

you're introduced at some point to ardyn, the main antagonist. he's old, kind of groady and wears a fedora. he's a dick to you and talks about his automobeeel. apparently my friend miri thinks he's hot, she is wrong.

i can't remember what happens specifically but you're told that your fiance is still alive and in fantasy venice, and she's talking to the gods on your behalf to borrow their powers. there's a mission where you follow some purple trees that are electric, and you do that i guess. i enjoyed riding the chocobos around, but couldn't care much for the plot at this point. ardyn leads you to a volcano, where you fight a giant lava god. he tries to step on you and i, a denizen of the internet and with an active fear of foot fetishists, was extremely uncomfortable. noctis becomes friends with foot man and a lightning god who lived in those trees, and ardyn steals your car.

very upset by this, noctis and his gang risk everything to sneak into a military base and steal it back. because this is a video game, this works out fine.

there's a little mining city which is all about Girl Power, because all the Women run the Mining Industry like Girl Bosses, and you hang around there for a bit. because all the women are so Empowered, they wear bikinis all the time with overalls over the top. gladio decides he needs to fuck off for a bit, i have no idea what he does since i haven't played the dlc, and then he comes back with another scar. you hang out with his sixteen year old sister, who has a crush on the engaged and 20-year old noctis, and then you drive her to a lighthouse. when she's in your party, she can't really fight, but she gets a pink chocobo and i thought that was very cute. we turned out own chocobo white and lizz named him 'jones' after a mount she has in ffxiv.

eventually, you have a long boat ride over to fantasy venice. this is the part where the game stops being 'fun with a few issues in combat and a rushed and poorly told story.' the open world, which was a main feature with a bunch of little areas to find where noctis can fish, little hunting sidequests and random photo spots where prompto takes touristy photos, is now gone, and it will not return for the entire rest of the game. you can 'go back in time', but the open world was the most enjoyable part of the game, and it kind of really sucks that the main story doesn't let you have any more freedom like that.

after arriving in fantasy venice, you have a talk with fantasy hillary clinton and beg her to let your girlfriend summon a god into the middle of her city. hillary agrees, and you don't get to meet up with your fiance, because even if the game is constantly telling you how much noctis loves her, there is. barely any interactions between the two in the entire game. from what i can tell, they met when noctis was a child and they haven't seen each other in ten years but are still fantasy dog pen-pals. noctis marrying her was supposed to make an alliance or something like that, but her brother has betrayed her to the army. noctis' girlfriend is also an oracle, which means she can heal people, i guess? everyone talks about how important she is and she's constantly telling people that she needs to use her powers to help noctis but she's practically a non-entity.

as can be expected of most female love interests in a game primarily focused on men, noctis' fiance is killed while summoning a god for noctis to befriend. noct gets very mad about this, and turns super saiyan and kills the god back, but his girlfriend is dead and that's super sad you guys. there's a beautiful prerendered cutscene where she says goodbye to noctis but since we barely know her, and we've only been told over and over that they're in love without anything to actually well, show this, it didn't have much of an impact. fantasy venice is destroyed, and ignis is blinded while trying to help calm the giant raging god.

iggy's blindness and how the game makes you account for this and grow to care for him was one of the highlights, in my opinion, as well as crushingly depressing. while i'm not disabled and have no right to say if this was 'good disabled representation' or anything like that, i believe that the game handles it decently enough. the group falls apart as noctis is upset about his girlfriend, gladio is extremely mad that noctis won't care for ignis, and prompto just wants everyone to get along. there's a mission where gladio constantly yells at you passive aggressive things to noctis about how he's a cunt for running, which is obnoxious, but the character arc itself is fairly strong. when you make camp, ignis can't cook anymore, so everyone eats cup noodles in a depressing ass cutscene. ignis remains in your party for the rest of the game despite his disability, and he doesn't magically regain his sight like other fantasy media would do, which at the very least i think is good. i'm not sure what the opinion of actual disabled people is of the character, considering how often disabled characters are either turned into misery porn to make the abled audience be glad that isn't them and if ignis' arc falls into this trap, but i hope that it wasn't handled too poorly, as that would just be another terrible mark in this game's list of bad moves.

the characters eventually make it to the evil empire's capital, which is abandoned and filled with daemons. the characters learn that ardyn is super evil and taught the king of the empire how to turn humans into daemons, which has now happened to the entire city. the 'magitek suits', presumed to be enchanted armour that fights as the empire's infantry, actually house the souls of the human-turned daemons. honestly i like this as a plot point but the game handles it pretty terribly. there could have been more lead up to this, the explanation is pretty lacking, and prompto's Big Plot Twist is. terribly handled. turns out that prompto was born in the empire and was going to be one of those empty soldier daemons, but he was rescued by people belonging to noctis' empire. not that the game tells you that. instead, prompto goes 'turns out i'm one of ... them' and Does Not Elaborate. The game doesn't tell you shit, not about prompto's past, not about how he feels about this, not about how anyone else feels about this either because the other party members just go 'oh that sucks, good thing you're not evil' and the scene ends. robbie daymond tries so hard to sell these terrible, terrible lines, and it almost entirely fails, i'm so sorry prompto. fortunately because i'm a nosy ass, i read prompto's wikia page and knew the plot twist ahead of time, because i don't think i would have even registered it if i didn't.

anyways everyone in the evil empire is dead and ardyn starts talking about how he's immortal and an ancient king of noctis' country but the gods thought he sucked because he's too evil. i missed most of this because the cats got the zoomies and were dashing across the couch right in the middle of his speech so i can't tell you anything else. noctis tries to get a big magic crystal to fight him and instead. gets schlorped inside.

TEN YEARS LATER

yes then ten years actually pass while noctis is asleep. the game shows this by switching the head on noctis' character model to have a beard, but that's it, no changes in animations or whatever. the sky is permanently night and only one human civilisation remains, the rest destroyed by daemons. as a plot point, this ends up feeling. extremely worthless. why was noctis asleep for ten whole goddamn years? so we can wake up and go 'damn it sucks out here'. but it's barely even a like, incentive to fix everything, because you have a long talk with a former child you were friends with where he talks about how humanity is still going fine and everyone's okay and the world has moved on without you. it feels. pointless. when you meet up with your party members, they are exactly as you left them, only with slightly different character models. there is no change in the voice performance, the character's movements or how they talk to show that they've been without you for ten years. they barely mention it. i'm just. so confused as to why they decided that a ten year timeskip was the way to go? since nothing really changes, couldn't you have made it like, two years? one year? six months?? have the characters react a little more? something??? at least if it was only a year or so i wouldn't have to deal with the fact that noctis looks like norman reedus with his shitty facial hair now.

anyways after that there's a bunch of long and boring boss fights. you fight some dead kings for some reason, your party members get a little bit to talk about how cool they are and how much they love noctis, and then you meet up with ardyn. there's another boring boss fight and god this was only a few hours ago but it's already gone from my head. you summon the gods and the old kings to beat the shit out of him after you both go super saiyan again? there's incredible music but it feels barely earned and just kind of eh. anyways, noctis dies, which was the price of using the crystal of light or whatever the fuck. his ghost marries his fiance's ghost finally, and they smile as they look at one of prompto's pictures. you can pick any picture you want to go here, and then the credits roll, showing all of the pictures you saved of prompto's shots. showing me all the pictures at the end is honestly lovely, but it really only served to remind me of how much more fun the game was in the first half. and that's the end, of final fantasy xv.

so what did i think of the story? it's terribly cobbled together and struggles to get you to feel anything and play out all the plot beats. you feel awful for the countless employees who spent years working on the beautiful cutscenes only to have them be in this game, which sucks and the story barely gets through. there were parts that i enjoyed, mostly the thing about the daemons being people, but honestly the rest of it is a mess. it's hard to follow at the best of times and just awkward and terribly written at the worst. the ending is cheap, and it doesn't feel like you've actually accomplished anything. i left that game feeling numb and empty, sad that i'd wasted so much time to end up with such a colossal failure of a conclusion.

i had fun with the game when it was my four little guys running around doing sidequests and camping together. after the midway point of the game, there's none of that, and you're bogged down into a plot that just pushes you from point a to point b and boring overlong bossfight to boring overlong bossfight. the character moments between your party are a lot of fun, but the second you hit fantasy venice, everything is pretty much on rails and you can't do anything except what the game tells you explicitly to do.

should you play this game? no lol. if anything i've mentioned about the story interests you, you'll be better off watching a lore video or reading the wiki. if you do want to play it after all that, just don't proceed after the myrthril refining quest, it's pretty much all downhill from there. will i play the dlc? unlikely, i think lizz and i will just watch a cutscene movie of those.

this game left me feeling empty and numb and not in a fun way. i wanted, so, so hard to like this game, and it all crashed around me in a beautifully overproduced and confusingly written cascade. i love you prompto, but even your cute little freckly face and terrible photography can't save this trainwreck of a game.

tl;dr - final fantasy xv sucks. i hope that 13, our next ff game, will be better.

[prorevenge]

Bully me for months? I'll hit you where it hurts the most, literally.

I want to preface this by saying I'm not proud of what I've done here. To the casual observer, what I did might seem like justice, but, really, I wish it didn't have to go as far as it did. I want my story to be a cautionary tale of what happens when bullying isn't taken seriously. I don't want this story to inspire you to do what I did, but as to what happens when people don't make the right choices the first time. Also, TL;DR at the bottom, the quotes aren't exact, and apologies if this seems a little all over the place. It's not easy for me to bring up stories like this, but I felt maybe I'd do some good by sharing it.

For as long as I can remember, I had a habit of bottling up my emotions. My single father is a staunch believer in traditional masculinity, including the idea that men and boys shouldn't cry. By my early to mid teens, I succumbed to this outdated idea, and accepted my fate as a quiet, stoic drone that just took orders, respected authority, and did hard work (especially manual labor.)

Enter my high school, which had a huge problem with bullying. The worst kids by far were the trashy "gangsta" kids (their words, not mine) from the inner city who targeted anybody they considered weaker than them. I was a pretty muscular 15 year old, but that didn't stop them from saying things like "Dude, you're so fat," or "Wassamatta, fattie? Lose your Twinkies on the way over?" In class, it was mostly petty annoyance: taking my pencil, sticking gum in my hair, insults. They got physical when the teachers weren't looking. Tripping me in the hall and pretending it was an accident; slamming my head against the locker, hitting me with footballs or soccer balls and saying a fake "whoops, sorry!" By themselves, it didn't seem that bad, but enough grains of sand add up to a huge pile, and, at that point, I was up to my waist in it.

Of course, the school didn't do anything about it. Teachers would either tell me "I'll take care of it," and then nothing ever changed, or I'd get something stupid like "I didn't see it. There's nothing I can do" or "You know, if I stopped class every time a kid was acting up, we'd never get anything done." Sure, and if a tree falls in the forest, it didn't make a sound because you didn't hear it. My father wasn't any help either. He'd tell me things like "there's gonna be people like that everywhere you go," or "if you're crying about this, you'll never make it in life," basically telling me to go suck it up because there are worse things out there. As a kid, I was hurt by this, but I was 15, so my self-esteem had been run over by a Combine a few times by now. For months, I just kept ignoring and waiting, hoping my teachers would keep their word about dealing with this problem. Sadly, it seemed they'd rather prioritize pep rallies and Career Aptitude Tests than do their job in keeping kids safe.

By around Spring, I'd had enough. By now, my sadness and annoyance had transmuted into boiling rage that I'd been keeping in me for far too long. If nobody was going to fight for me, I'd do it for myself, literally. I devoted the majority of my weekend to prepping for a showdown on Monday.

One of the few good things about my father is that how knowledgeable he is in self-defense. He believed it was important for a man to learn to fight, so he had me take several different kinds of martial art classes. If I was gonna fight a bully, I had to make it a proper fight. I then researched about Krav Maga, a branch of martial arts that's basically a military-style form of self defense, meant to train you how to fight if you were ever in danger "outside the arena." No rules, no balanced teams, no referees; just you and your need for survival. One of the components of Krav Maga is knowing the body's biggest "weak spots," ones that maximize the most amount of pain when hurt. Things like the groin, toes, and eyes were obvious, but you could also hit the knees, solar plexus, and even the spine. Since my classes didn't teach Krav Maga (you had to be 16 at the time,) I watched many online videos, making mental notes of the techniques used. It was almost always the same kid or group of kids that bullied me, so I already knew what they looked like, and, more importantly, where to strike.

On Monday, I waited for the next chance to come for the bullies to attack. To my surprise, they kept quiet for the most part. Maybe this was one of my lucky days where I'd actually get some work done. Then, while I was crunching for an exam during lunch, one of the bullies, a regular, spilled my water all over my textbook, and saying, "Whoops, sorry!" As he and his pals started walking away laughing, I got a good look at the back of the guy's neck. I raised my fist, aiming for the middle where I'd likely hit his spinal column.

WHAM! I knocked the guy over to the ground. That's when all Hell broke lose. His friends tried tackling me away, and I tried remembering to hit all their weak points: eyes, throat, groin, and jaw. It was fairly sloppy attempt at Krav Maga given my inexperience, and the other kids trying to fight back, but it got the effect I wanted. Of course, I didn't come out unscathed. I got punched in the jaw, a bloody nose, a bruise to the forehead, and more than a few kicks in the family jewels. The other kids noticed us fighting, with some going to get a teacher while others watched in a mix of shock and excitement. Eventually, the principal and a few other teachers pulled us apart, and sent us to the office, after our injuries were treated.

The principal talked with us individually while the assistant principal called all our parents. When it was my turn, I explained what happened. At some point, the principal said, "Why didn't you tell the teacher?" At that moment, I just snapped, somehow managing to sound even angrier than when I was fighting a few minutes ago. "I ALREADY TOLD THE DAMNED TEACHERS, LIKE A MILLION FUCKING TIMES, BUT NOBODY WAS DOING SHIT ABOUT IT! NOBODY! YOU TELL ME OVER AND OVER 'I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT,' BUT NOBODY EVER FUCKING DOES! I WOULDN'T HAVE FELT LIKE I HAD TO DO THIS OF SOMEBODY HERE ACTUALLY DID THEIR DAMNED JOB FOR ONCE!" I got an extra week of suspension for yelling.

Much to my surprise, my father was rather quiet about the whole thing. Normally, my father had the temperament of a dragon, but maybe this whole fight touched his inner "macho man" that made him go easier on me.

On the car ride home, he said calmly, but firmly, "What happened? And tell me the truth." I told him, "They wouldn't stop picking on me, so I defended myself." I waited to hear my father make some snide remark about hurt feelings, but he just said, "Were you in danger?" I paused for a moment, and said, "...Yes." I knew I was exaggerating, but maybe this could open my father's eyes to see how much I was hurting. He was quiet for a minute, and then said, "I can't judge on your situation 'cause I wasn't there, but it's in a boy's nature to be aggressive sometimes, and it sounds like those bullies were just using it for harm. I also know you well enough t'know you wouldn't lay a finger on somebody unless you felt like you had to." I nodded, holding back tears. "Next time you're ever in that kinda danger, call me. Don't wait for the teachers to fail you again. I'll give 'em Hell." I was stunned, and, once I realized what'd just happened, I smiled. That's one of the few redeeming qualities about my father. As toxic and narcissistic as he was, he was an expert on bringing vengeance to those who deserved it.

During my suspension, one of the bullies' parents wanted to press assault charges on me, but my father threatened to counter-sue the school AND the parents for letting the bullying go on for so long. Thankfully, nobody had to go to court as the bullies' credibility sank faster than the Titanic. Once word got around that I fought back to stop the bullying (rather than the strong, quiet guy going psycho,) more kids decided to come forward to the principal about their experience being bullied, too, and how they also went to the teachers for help. This included a few girls who were being sexually harassed by these kids. This was a PR nightmare for the school that left a permanent stain on their reputation among the locals. In the end, the bullies got expelled, some faced charges for sexual harassment, and I got transferred to a different high school. I guess I'm a little proud that I inspired some other troubled kids to come forward, but I really didn't like violence. I'm built for self-defense, but I don't like hurting anybody unless it's to protect those I love. I would've much preferred if teachers actually did their job, and "took care of it" before I had to.

I did get a gift certificate for summer classes in Krav Maga for my Sweet 16. Thankfully, I've never had to use it yet.

TL;DR: Bullies spend months torturing me, and teachers won't do anything, so I researched and imitated an advanced martial arts to bring maximum physical pain to my bullies.

(source) story by (/u/aitacrybaby)

[deliverydefresas]

moving step by step (together)

second and last thing i posted on wp that i haven't posted here ((i think)) feel free to ignore if you've read this on wattpad already, as i'm just posting it in case i need to refer to it later.

(not proofread. it never is)

prompt(?): domestic!simbar deciding to move in together (toanothercountry)

When her day began, she didn't imagine it'd end up the way it did. In fact, to Ámbar the day felt like an endless nightmare.

Between her washing machine breaking, one of her kitchen cloths accidentally catching on fire when she was making her breakfast, her car not starting and thus being late to her first class, forgetting an important paper at home and losing 1/5 of her grade for one of the toughest classes in her semester; Ámbar just wanted to call it a day and forget she even had to endure it.

"The professor told me he'd let me turn it the paper, as long as I added 10,000 words more; and hear this: he won't give me the 20% of the grade, but a 15%, tops." She still needed to get her laundry done, so she'd opted to come by Simón's loft (and Nico and Pedro's too) when her classes had ended. While she waited for it to be done, she'd grabbed a glass of wine while venting her boyfriend's ears off. "So now I need to find something to write about that's worth 1000 words of coherency, otherwise I'll be lucky to even have a 10%. And God knows I need it."

Simón kissed her head sympathetically, adjusting her head - previously leaning on his shoulder- a little bit closer to his neck. "You will, little gem. You're the smartest one in your class, I'm sure you'll find something and, it's penultimate semester, you can do it."

She groaned, "I wish it were as easy as that." He kissed her cheek this time, and she snuggled into him a bit more, needing his support to make her feel less stressed. "Enough of me, how was your day?"

He chuckled, "not as interesting as yours, I'm afraid. Did a little songwriting, had a video-call with a magazine, changed my sheets..." he winked at her, making her laugh.

"Aw, do you want me to give you a gold start? Maybe I should call your mom, tell her her little boy is a nice young man who makes his own bed." Simón leaned in to bite her cheek, causing her to and almost spill her wine all over the couch, and to prevent this, the red liquid ended up on her shirt. Technically, it was one of his, since today's clothes had been thrown in the washer with the rest of the laundry, but still, spilling wine on her clothes wasn't nice. "Simón!" she scoffed him, which only made him laugh at her. He told her to grab another of his old shirts, while he refilled her glass.

She stood up then, cursing him all the way to his room to grab one of the 'pajama' shirts he kept in his top drawer. Ámbar heard him call to her once she had put it on; "hey, is tacos okay with you for dinner? Or do you want me to order you something else?"

"What are the guys having?" she questioned, to prepare herself in case the others ordered less than what their stomachs wanted to eat, and later lead them to steal her food.

"Pedro's staying at Delfi's and Nico is out with his fling, so nothing." Simón answered her, entering his room with his cellphone at hand.

"Then the usual." She told him simply, her boyfriend nodded. "Hey, can I use your laptop to check my e-mail? My phone died."

Simón nodded again. "Sure. Hello? I would like to order two pastor gringas..." he left the room again, not before pointing at his desk, where his laptop was sitting on. She quickly turned it on, taking it to the living room to wait for Simón to finish the call.

Her boyfriend was one of those people who didn't put a password on the device itself, but on the archives in it (which were mostly lyrics, tracks, and unreleased songs), so it didn't take long until she had the browser opened.

Ámbar tried to ignore whatever Simón had open in his last tab, but the images displayed caught her attention.

No, it wasn't porn, nor was it anything compromising. At least not in that way.

Her boyfriend had a Real Estate website open, showing apartments in sale. However, that wasn't what surprised her – he'd talked about finding his own place before-, but that all the options listed Mexico City as their location.

He'd never mentioned moving back to Mexico. They'd planned vacations to his hometown Cancún, sure, but somehow in all their talks about the future she'd had assumed their plans took place in Buenos Aires, close to her family instead of his. She could deal with him going on tour for weeks – she didn't bear months as well as she did weeks, and for this he always flew her in- but to live in two different countries? How was their relationship supposed to work in that scenario? Would it even work out? Sure, she was almost over with her degree, but-

"Little gem," her eyes snapped from the screen to where Simón was standing, by the kitchen's door, "I ordered you an almond horchata, is that okay?" she kept staring at him. "What? Is my laptop giving you problems? Your mail?"

She sighed. "No, I actually haven't opened my mail yet." He gave her a confused look.

"Then what's it? You've been staring at the screen for at least two minutes."

"When were you planning on telling me you're moving to Mexico?"

His mouth shut, his eyes showed surprise and an underlying regret. "Uh... soon?"

"So it's true, then? You're moving there?" Ámbar didn't want her voice to sound as hurt as it did, but she couldn't conceal it, either. After all, this was her boyfriend, the guy she was in love with, and who she'd loved for years now... to imagine him living so far away from her, it hurt her deeply.

To find out like this, instead of from his own mouth, was like salt to the wound. Her already shitty day was turning for the worse.

Simón sighed, his demeanor showing he was ashamed of it. "It's an option." He pursed his lips slightly, walking over to the couch, taking the device off her lap to turn her body towards him. "I was planning on talking to you about this sooner than later, I promise."

"When? When you had already bought it? Or when I had to say goodbye at the airport?" she couldn't help but dab at him, her temper was talking for her right then, "and what do you mean with 'it's an option'? You're looking for a place already, surely it's more than simple 'option'."

Simón let out a sigh, a sign he wasn't sure how to explain it to her, "I- have you noticed how most of our label meetings have been taking place in México?" She nodded, it was hard not to. The boys and him didn't really leave the city unless they absolutely had to, which could be summed up in three reasons: touring, vacations, and meetings. She'd always frown a little when those meetings took place, because she couldn't really understand why they had to leave when their label had offices in BsAs, but never really dared to ask Simón, afraid she'd come out as clingy for not wanting him to leave her for a couple days.

"I just assumed all the 'important' people chose to meet there instead of flying down here."

He scratched his nape. "It's a little bigger than that. Their HQ has always been up there, and their offices here have worked on a smaller scale for years; however, they've wanted all their more... 'recognizable' artists to be closer for a while now."

"So, they're making you move there?"

"Yes and no. They've been nagging us since the beginning to move to Mexico City, but it's only now we've – well, I've- considered it as an option."

"Why? Don't Pedro and Nico want, too?"

Simón grimaced. "They've already been considering it for a couple of years." Oh. Now that she thought about it, Delfina had hinted multiple times over the months 'the possibility' of working in another country. She'd always assumed she meant taking international jobs for a short period while Pedro was out on tour too, but now she guessed she'd meant for her to imagine that possibility, too.

It seemed like she'd assumed lots of things, and it stung to know she'd been in the dark far longer than everyone else. Even Delfi – who'd been dating Pedro a considerably less time than she'd been with Simón- knew of this before her.

Which made her ask him once again. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because you're still in uni, little gem, and I didn't want to move somewhere else while you were here; I still don't. I had a plan, honestly; I was going to wait until you neared graduation to slowly get you used to the idea, and, well, I also wanted to wait in case we didn't work out." She pursed her lips as she was still mad, but knew he had a point. He always did.

"You could've talked to me sooner, though. We could've planned this way sooner, make it easier for both." Ámbar sighed out, trying to get her anger out with it.

"I know, I get it now, and I'm very sorry." He apologized sincerely, grabbing one of her hands to kiss it. "This in no way is me telling you I'm moving tomorrow and leaving you here, little gem, I'd never do that. Hell, I don't even think I could. It's just..."

"An option." She finished for him, sighing again. "I guess I- I don't know, maybe I could start looking at internships in CDMX? When- when would this take place anyway? And I have to talk to my mo-" her eyes widened, "God, my mom! What do I tell her if we go? She'll be all alone here!" Her voice sounded panicky even to her.

"Hey, it's okay, there's no hurry. We've already postponed this for years with the boys, another year or so won't change anything, in fact, we'll need all we can get to get papers and stuff in check. And your mom can always come with us if you're worried about her, no biggie." He told her, as if the three of them moving countries wasn't a big deal, or, y'know, extremely expensive.

"Do you seriously want my mom living with us, Simón?" she snapped at him, and immediately felt bad to do so. He was just trying to help her and then here she was, bitching on his offers. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just... overwhelmed, sorry." He shrugged it off.

"I was actually thinking of you two getting your own apartment but since you're oh so kindly offering to live together..." Her eyes widened once more, shocked. She hadn't realized she'd implied that. "... I guess we can either buy or rent one for ourselves and rent another for your mom."

"That's not what- I mean it's not necessary. An apartment for my mom and I would be okay if she even agrees to move."

Her boyfriend started pouting. "Are you saying you don't want to move in with me?"

"No, no, that's not what I mean-" she stopped talking once she saw a teasing grin on his face. "You're messing with me."

He shook his head, silently laughing as he reached out to sit her on his lap, hugging her waist tightly. "I'm not. I'm actually happy you asked me to move with you, so I don't have to when the time comes."

"I didn't ask you." She felt the need to point it out. "You just assumed I did."

"Because you assumed we'd live together. It's okay; if it were up to me I'd be living with you in a heartbeat, I've thought about it for a while."

She gulped. "You have?"

"Yeah, but since I'm living with two dudes and you're living with your mom... it just isn't viable." That got her thinking.

"Why haven't you gotten your own apartment yet? Any of you?"

Simón shrugged, leaning into their coffee table to grab their glasses. "Rent is cheaper when you divide into three, and all of us have been saving up to get our own pads for when we moved to CDMX."

"It was never a matter of 'if', was it? It was always a 'when' you moved." She already knew the answer, of course, so she didn't wait for him to answer. "What took you so long to do so? I'm sure you could've done so years ago, and now you're waiting for Delfi and I, I guess, but before? What held you back?"

He pondered it for a minute, didn't speak immediately. "Something always came up. At first, we didn't have enough money saved, then Nico's mom had an accident, Pedro wanting to stay until his little sister finished high school... then you. My guess is the universe was waiting for us to meet to let me leave the city." She couldn't help but laugh at this.

"You're such a corny guy."

"Only for you, little gem, only for you." Ámbar took a sip of her wine before snuggling closer to his chest, earning her a kiss on her hair. "So, are we doing this?"

She pushed the anxiety of the unknown to the back of her mind, she knew that if she overthought about it she'd find reasons not to. Instead, she took a deep breath, intoxicating herself with the smell of soap and lotion that lingered on her boyfriend all the time.

"Yeah," she sighed, "but we're doing this together."

"Together," he repeated, giving her hand another kiss. "I like the sound of that."

[kweenpwark]

Art | Huang Renjun

Part one | two | three

-Someone unbelievably handsome is your soulmate-

"Just look at it, isn't it beautiful?" Your friend asked, staring at her soulmate tattoo lovingly

" You've been asking me that for the past hour! Yes! it's beautiful!" It was obvious that you were salty, making your friend smile at you before returning to what she was doing

You see, your friend just found her soulmate while you were shopping. Being the clumsy one, you bump into someone causing you to fall. But, instead of helping you up, both of them decided to just stare at each other and start talking while stuttering, completely ignoring you. They shook hands and that's when the tattoo showed up

It was no surprise that your friend would start flirting cause that's in her nature. What's surprising is that her soulmate was a dance teacher who teaches dance in a school near her house, which was a 15 minute drive for you

'They're perfect for each other' you thought, knowing that your friend likes to watch people dance even when she's not that great of a dancer.

'When will I find mine?'

"Hey, you think you can come with me to the store near by? I just have to buy art things." You ask your friend while stuffing all your things in your locker "Yeah, sure just make sure to buy me food after, yeah?" You just rolled your eyes and started walking, your friend following behind

The drive to the store wasn't long, but it did feel like it when your friend started talking about how lucky she was with her soulmate. It made you salty, but you knew she was just teasing you. It wasn't easy to have friends that already found their soulmate. Being all lovey-dovey in front of you while you eat, it just makes you fake barf.

You both got out of the car, locked it and went inside the store. Looking for the things you need to buy wasn't easy, mostly when you see things you want to buy but know that you'll never even use it. Walking towards where the paint brushes were, your friend decided to go to the bathroom

While picking and looking for the right brush, you started to get worried. Your friend should be here by now, considering the fact that you take too long to pick. The right brush that you were looking for caught your eyes. You grabbed it but you noticed, another hand was grabbing onto it too

You looked at the person, ignoring the burning sensation on your wrist. 'Oh. He's pretty' you thought, starting to stare. He was wearing the a school uniform which is definitely not the same as yours.

'He must be from the school around here' you thought

A loud fake cough interrupted your moment causing you to look away "What's going on?" Your friend asked looking at you with a teasing smile. "Oh nothing! Uhm, I was just looking for a paint brush" You made sure to slightly glare at your friend. "Is that so? I'll be waiting outside then. You're almost done right?" "Yeah, this won't take long"

When your friend was out of sight, you turned back to the unbelievably beautiful man and noticed that your hands were still on the paint brush "S-sorry" you pulled your hand back and looked up to him "Y-you can have i-it," noticing that it was the last one "I d-don't really need it" you continued

‘So this is what it feels like' finally understanding what your friend went through

"No, it's okay, you can have it. I-I still have o-one at home" He smiled at you, melting you bad "O-okay. Thanks" You smiled back

"I'm Renjun, by the way. Huang Renjun" He brought his hand out for me to shake "Y/N. Y/F/N." You shook his hand. You noticed the mark on your wrist, which made you pull your hand back. You started to examine it, not believing what you were seeing.

You looked back up just to see him staring at you lovingly "I'm glad you're my soulmate" he smiled at you "Are you going to pay for that now?" He asked still smiling "Y-yeah" you stuttered still not believing that this beautiful human being is your soulmate

You set the things down in front of the cashier "You like art, huh?" He started, hoping the conversation will go on "Yeah, it's like a hobby, you know? I'm guessing you like art too?" "Yeah, it's relaxing. Like my stress reliever" he answered while you nod

The conversation went on until you got out of the store. Both of you walked towards your car, forgetting about your friend. "Can we exchange numbers? I would like to get to know you more." "S-sure" you answered, smiling so hard that your cheeks started hurting

After exchanging numbers, you unlocked your car. Your friend sat on the passenger sit while he opened the driver's sit door for you "I'll see you when I see you?" You said staring right into his eyes "Yeah, I'll text you the details of our date"

"D-date?" You asked surprised "Yeah" he said kissing your cheeks right after. You nodded and smiled, feeling your cheeks flush. Both of you bid your goodbyes and you started to drive to wherever your friend wanted to eat

"Yooooow, my girl be out there with a handsome soulmate" your friend stated teasing you "Eyyy, stop teasing me. When will you stop teasing me?" You asked still smiling widely "Till my death, babe, till my death" you just rolled your eyes and focused on driving

After eating, you drove her home then started to drive back home. When you got home, the first thing you did was check your phone and what you saw made you smile non stop once again

Injunnie💖4:53pm

Let’s meet on Thursday for our first date?😉

To:Injunnie💖

I would love to😘

You looked at your diamond shaped tattoo and smiled 'It's so beautiful'

Okay so, this is my first time and I’m not really sure about this. Don’t worry my writing will get better as time goes by😊 Part 2 will be up soon.....

[kpophours]

One Love || part I

➵ SF9: Youngbin x fem. reader / series, werewolf AU / fluff

➵ warnings: slight mentions of loss and death

➵ word count: 3k

next.

You knocked on the slightly ajar door in front of you. 

It was just a plain, white door - not a fancy oak one or something like that, which you had always imagined the door of a professor's office to look like. This one pretty much looked like any other normal office door. 

"Please enter.", a deep, male voice answered and you immediately pushed open the door, following the invitation. 

"Well, hello there, how can I help you?" A brown-haired, handsome man with dark eyes smiled at you, closing the book he had just looked at. "Professor Kim? I'm Y/N, your new scientific assistant.", you answered, smiling a bit shyly. Immediately, his face lit up und he circled his desk to shake your hand. "Ahh yes, of course! It's so nice to finally meet you in person - please, have a seat." His smile widened even more and he gestured towards one of the black chairs in front of his desk, taking a seat himself. 

"Thank you."  You smiled again and handed him your documents, which he quickly looked over.

"Great, everything seems to be in order! As today is your first day, we don't want to overwork you immediately, so I thought I'd start with giving you a tour around our beautiful campus and introduce you to some colleagues and then, I’m going to show you my most recent research papers, which you can have a look at for the rest of the day. Sounds good to you?" 

You smiled and nodded. "Sounds perfect, Professor Kim." 

"Ah, please - we'll have to work closely together, so just call me Inseong. I hope I can call you Y/N?", he said, simply waving his title aside and smiling at you.

"Of course, Prof- uh, I mean, Inseong." you answered, returning his smile and following the tall man out of the office.

The campus was really beautiful, full of old brick buildings as well as some more modern looking office buildings. The library was a towering, imposing structure which reminded you more of a church than an actual university building - and you immediately fell in love with it. The whole university reminded you a bit of Hogwarts, so you felt like walking through a dream. Only a handful of students seemed to be hanging out on campus today, but that wasn’t really surprising - the new semester hadn't started yet. 

"And this is the most important building out of all of them - the cafeteria.", Inseong explained, ending his tour with a grand gesture towards one of the more modern looking buildings. You laughed and he smiled, really liking the sound, bright and fresh so early in the morning - he already knew working with you would be a pleasure, you were open-minded, talkative, funny and seemed to be pretty laid-back. He couldn’t wait to hear your thoughts on his next big research project.

"Well, I think I'm going to like working here. The atmosphere is truly amazing - and the campus is beautiful, I always love when buildings have a certain... history to them.", you told Inseong just before you entered the History department again and smiled up at him, looking around and taking a last deep breath of autumn air, before pushing inside. 

"Well, you can definitely say this about these buildings! Ahh, I'm truly just so glad you're finally here. I really do need a helping hand and I'm sure we'll become a great team. Are you maybe interested in having dinner with me tonight? I could show you around our little town, if you like." Inseong immediately saw you withdrawing upon hearing his proposal. "I mean as friends of course! I am definitely not interested in dating at the moment, I simply don't have the time!", he quickly explained further, sheepishly ruffling his hair and smiling down at the you. 

You exhaled, relieved. "Oh, well... sure, I'd like that, then." Your attitude quickly changed back to your usual self and Inseong began gnawing on his lower lip. He meant it, he really wasn't interested in dating anyone at the moment - you were nice, intelligent and rather beautiful, but he knew a relationship with him would be a doomed one - because of his secret. He was a werewolf and therefore had a mate - somewhere out there in this world. It was possible that he would never meet her of course, but if he did... well, every other woman in the world would simply fade into the background, no matter how much she had meant to him before. He didn't want to risk breaking anyone's heart, so he always tried to keep his distance. And this would obviously also apply to his new research assistant.

The rest of the day passed rather quickly. You were able to work through a few of Inseong’s research papers without much difficulty, already pointing out some weaknesses - he had been right, you truly were the right person to help him. You were incredibly bright and quickly came to the right conclusions - Inseong knew you’d improve his little research team in just the right way.

The walk around town in the evening was very enjoyable as you had a lot to talk about. Inseong found you very easy to talk to, your witty sort of humor entertaining him greatly. He learned that you had grown up in a rather small village together with an older brother and your parents. Your childhood had been filled with good memories, up until your grandfather died - your family had been torn apart by the loss, one of your uncles and your mother hadn't talked to each other in years afterwards. You hadn’t been allowed to play with your cousins anymore - one of which had been like a brother to you, as you were the same age. Your mother had died when you were 15, as well as your maternal grandmother a few years later, to which you had been very close after losing your mother so early. You didn't really get along with your older brother, but loved your father beyond words. 

Inseong also found out that you loved to read, listen to music and to travel, that you liked baking but not cooking and that your favorite animals were wolves (oh, the irony) and penguins. Inseong in turn told you about himself as well - that he had been raised by a very large family, that no, he had no "real" siblings, but was living together with a bunch of people now - a somewhat adopted family, he called them. Some were working in town, some were still students at university - none of them being a student of his, of course - and they were close like brothers, living together in a big old farmhouse outside of town, deep into the woods. He told you he also liked reading, but was more into historical fiction, something you rarely decided to read. 

You noticed how much you already liked your new boss and began to really look forward to working with him and the rest of his team.

It was already completely dark and rather late, when you finally finished your dinner and left the cozy restaurant. "Well, thank you very much for this evening, Inseong - I had a lot of fun. Just one last question: do you happen to know about a car repair shop around here? I just bought a car and it seems to be in pretty good shape, but the previous owner said I should get it checked as soon as possible - just to be sure." 

The tall man grinned and nodded. "I know just the guy for you - he actually lives with me! His name is Youngbin and he owns the best and biggest repair shop in town. I think I have his business card with me, just a second..." He searched through his wallet, finally finding said card and handed it to you. "Kim Youngbin, CAR REPAIR SHOP.", you read out loud, "Oh perfect, thank you! I'll call him tomorrow and ask for an appointment." But Inseong waved that aside. "I'll just tell him you'll come over after work tomorrow and he'll have a look at your car. I'm sure that won't be a problem." 

"Are you sure?", you asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, I'll tell him tonight - he’s a night owl and most definitely still awake.", Inseong answered and smiled at you.

You returned it immediately. "Well, thank you! That's really nice. I'll see you tomorrow at the office, then?" 

"Yes. I'll bring coffee - a latte for you?", he asked, car keys already in hand.

"I’d prefer a cappuccino, thanks. And can I interest you in a muffin or bagel?", you replied and he grinned.

"Oh, you absolutely can." 

"Then that's what I'll bring.", you said with a smile - and with that, you parted ways. 

When you got home, you immediately threw off your shoes and jacket, quickly tumbling into your big, comfy bed - the jet lag still hadn't fully disappeared and you were completely exhausted. Minutes later, you were already fast asleep. 

Inseong on the other hand wasn't nearly as tired as you when he came home - he also wouldn't have been able to get any sleep yet. The house was full of his brothers and some of their mates, it was apparently time for their monthly movie night again. 

"Inseong, there you are! We were almost beginning to miss you - don't tell me you were working until now?!", Jaeyoon immediately greeted him when he entered the living room. He was one half of the, how Inseong silently called them, ‘chaos line'. 

"Well, he probably wasn't one a date, so where else could he have been?", Dawon, the other half of said line, grinned and struck out his tongue at the older man. 

"Don't be mean.", his mate Ava immediately scolded, wacking him over the head and smiling apologetically at the older man, who just rolled his eyes. 

"I actually was out, just so you know." 

"ON A DATE?!", the tallest of the bunch, Rowoon, almost shouted, surprise written all over his handsome face. All fell silent, gaping at Inseong who had turned slightly red. "No, don't be ridiculous. I just had dinner with my new scientific assistant, that's all. She's new in town and doesn't know anyone yet, so I showed her around a bit." 

"Ohhh, is she pretty?", Kate, Jaeyoon’s mate, asked, smiling brightly just as Dana, Chani’s mate, asked: "Is she nice?" 

"I don't see what her looks have to do with anything, but yes - she is very pretty. But more wha’s even more important, she is nice, yes - thank you, Dana.", Inseong answered, making Kate pout. Jaeyoon grinned and slung his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. 

"Who's pretty and nice?", a male voice behind Inseong suddenly asked and Youngbin entered the living room, hands still full of grease from repairing cars all day. 

"Inseong’s new assistant.", Rowoon explained immediately. 

"Scientific assistant, there's a difference.", the older man automatically corrected, "She's writing her doctor's thesis as well as joining my research team." 

“So she's intelligent.", Zuho guessed. 

"Oh, highly so. I think she'll be able to improve my papers greatly.", Inseong confirmed and Youngbin whistled. "Coming out of your mouth... she must be half a genius." He cracked a slightly crooked smile, indicating his irony. 

"But she's not your mate, I guess.", Rowoon said and everyone fell silent again. 

"No, she is not. But something about her... I don’t know. Her scent indicates something, but I can't put my finger on it.", Inseong explained thoughtfully, staring into nothing, before shrugging, "Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. I'll go and try to get some sleep now - you guys don't stay up too late, okay?"

Everyone nodded, before looking at the big screen in front of them again. 

"Ah, by the way - Y/N needs someone to check her car, so I told her she could come by at your repair shop after work tomorrow and you'll have a look. I hope that's alright with you?", Inseong said to Youngbin and his alpha just shrugged, before nodding. "Sure. I'll be around the shop until 8pm at least, I think.", he answered.

"Perfect, Y/N will be glad to hear that. Good night then.“ With that, Inseong left their living room.

It was bitterly cold the next day. 

You already froze half to death when you hurried along the sidewalk to get to your car. Your breath formed tiny white clouds in front of you and you cursed yourself for not having thought about bringing your gloves. They were still in one of the few unpacked boxes inside your new apartment - but who could have guessed that the temperature would drop so low just over night? Not you, that much was obvious. You were glad that your car started pretty quickly, even though it was a such an old one - a black VW golf cabrio from the 90s. Back home you had driven a newer model, a shiny, silver VW polo, but now you were on a tighter budget. You just hoped that the repair shop wouldn't find any real damage tonight. 

When you finally arrived at work, your car was already cozily warm and you felt much better. You had quickly stopped at a little café not far from campus to obtain the promised muffins and bagels for Inseong and yourself and now you were rushing towards the office so you wouldn't be late for your second day. 

Inseong was already seated behind his desk when you arrived - a bit out of breath, you should really start your workout routine again - and immediately began to smile when he saw you, his dark eyes forming little crescents. "Good morning, Y/N. Slept well?" 

You grinned back, placing the food on top of the table. "I did, thank you. But I was a bit shocked when I stepped outside this morning, if I'm being honest. Such a radical temperature drop over night!" 

"Well, that does happen sometimes in this state.”, Inseong confirmed, reaching behind him and handing you a steaming cup, ”Here, take your coffee - it'll heat you up." You deeply inhaled the familiar scent, smiling slightly and thanking him, before taking a seat behind you own desk. 

You spent the next few hours in comfortable silence, with only a few interruptions whenever you had questions about the research. At around 2pm, Inseong and you had lunch at the cafeteria, where you also met up with a few other professors and their research assistants, before returning to your work. At 6.30pm, Inseong finally yawned, stretched and turned off his desk light. "Well, that's it for today. Let's go home - or in your case, let’s go to the repair shop. Youngbin knows you're stopping by, so he'll be waiting for you." 

"Ah, perfect, thank you so much, Inseong! I'll see you tomorrow, then.", you answered and smiled at him. 

"Yes, have a nice evening, Y/N." With that, he shot you a wink and left the office.

You didn't have much trouble finding the repair shop, even though you usually didn't have the best sense of direction. But earlier that day, Inseong had shown you the way on Google maps and as the shop was just a few blocks away from campus, you found it rather quickly. You parked your car in front of one of the many garages, got out and looked around a bit helplessly. The shop was much larger than you had expected and you weren’t exactly sure where to go now - the front entrance was dark, but you saw light coming from the inside of one of the garages. Still, you decided to try the front entrance first - which was already closed as you quickly found out. Finally, you knocked against the door of the illuminated garage. 

"Hello?", you asked as you carefully pushed open the door, "Is anyone here? Mr. Kim? I'm Y/N - Inseong said you could help me with my car?" 

From under the car, a person emerged, clad in heavy worker boots, a greyish tank top and an overall whose upper part was loosely tied around narrow hips. The man was tall when he stood up, his well-toned arms even more prominent thanks to his tight muscle shirt. He wore his black hair in a slight undercut and sported dark, smoldering eyes. 

He didn't return your smile when he saw you - no, he looked a bit shocked and taken-aback upon spotting you. 

"Mr. Kim?", you asked, getting a bit shy now and ducking your head when you saw his almost critical gaze. "Oh, uh - yes, I'm Youngbin." His voice was a bit rough, which caused a shiver to run down your spine. Your heart began to pound faster and your breath caught. 

Dear Lord, he was hot. 

You’d never felt such immediate attraction towards anyone ever before. 

"Hwi, can you take over, please? I have to... go." With that, Youngbin almost ran away from you, leaving you somewhat bewildered behind. Suddenly, another, younger man emerged from behind a car, sporting long, messy hair and a sweet gummy smile. "Hey there, you must be Y/N. I'm Hwiyoung, Youngbin’s helping hand. Sooo, you want us to have a look at your car?", he asked without batting an eye at his boss’ weird behavior.

You just nodded, still flabbergasted thanks to Youngbin’s strange exit. "Uh, yes, that would be great. There's nothing wrong with it - or at least not something I, someone who knows pretty much nothing about cars, can see. But the previous owner said it would be better to have it checked by a car shop.”, you finally explained and Hwiyoung nodded, taking the car keys from you and turning to leave the garage. "You can stay here, if you like. It will take about half an hour to check if anything's broken or faulty.", he said over his shoulder, smiling at you. 

"Oh... well, thank you? I just...", you trailed off, looking around the garage.

"The office is just around the corner. Ask Youngbin to make some coffee or tea. I'll be back as soon as I can." With that, he grinned one last time before leaving you behind. 

You just stood there, undecided for a few seconds, before sighing deeply and finally making your way towards the office.

[next chapter] | [all chapters]

[my-darling-has-forgotten-me]

Oof... I'd feel for anyone in that situation. Thanks for the ask, and thank you for the compliment! I appreciate the support ❤️

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𝕀𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕒𝕤 𝕓𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕟𝕠 𝕗𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 ~

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 = 𝐾𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑢𝑘𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑥 𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 ~

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I got inspiration for this off 'Say I Love You'

"Kou! I heard your new song! It's so good!"

"Aw really?! Thanks for the support!"

"Yeah! We heard it too! You're as awesome as always!", Gushed a group of his fangirls.

"Oh! Y/N, you can go on ahea-"

But as always, I going to class before him. Automatically walking ahead of him. It's like this everyday, he gets crowded and I'm told to go. It's so annoying....

I walk ahead and saw Ruki, he looked at me and approached me. "Where's Kou? You've been going to class on your own a lot lately", he asked as stern as ever. "He's... Busy", I said, looking behind me seeing Kou laughing and smiling at his little harem.

"So it's like that? I don't like his neglect to you much either but I suppose it's his duty as an idol to entertain his fans", deadpanned Ruki, looking at the scene also. "N-no... I find his actions reasonable, besides it's not like I'm jealous or anything..."

Ruki softened his normally stoic face. "Would you like me to talk to him later? He's your Adam, he shouldn't treat you like this", he said

"No need...", I muttered and walked away. I heard fangirls muttering and whispering about me.

"Ugh... Look at that stuck-up bitch..."

"I know, she's such a whore"

I'm not...

"She only talks to Kou whenever she wants something... She's a slutty gold digger"

Stop it...

"She completely neglects him at school, seriously I bet she forces him to sleep with her"

I don't...

"Kou could do way better than Y/N..."

I know...

I put my earphones and I keep walking to class, once I get there, I see more fangirls. Stupid bitches...

I pull out my phone and I feel a pull on my right ear.

"Hey Masokitty! Wassup?", He said cheerfully. I say nothing, I feel Kou's fangirls glaring daggers at me. "Ehhh? You changed your screensaver?! Whhhyyyy? We looked so cute together in that photo!" He whined.

"So? Am I not allowed to change my background photo? And must you be so... Over the top?", I deadpanned, I only get into trouble when Kou gives me attention in public.

"Take it easy, I was just asking... Anyway, what're you listening to?", Kou said placing the earphone into his ear.

"Hey!"

"Huh...? Everybody Wants To Rule The World again?", He asked.

"Loser...", One of the girls uttered.

"You seem off today? You doin alright?", He asked in a worried voice.

"Nothing, I just didn't get much sleep last night!"

"Maybe because I didn't let you sleep last night?~ I'm sorry! You know how I get when I'm needy~", he said putting his arm around my waist.

Jesus Christ! No need to bring it up infront if people you dumbass! I felt more glares of horror and burning hatred being stabbed into me.

"Y/N, you listen to a song on loop when you're upset, are you sure it's okay?"

"Geez, I'm on my period okay!", I hissed... God, why can't he just leave me alone in school?

"it actually ended last-"

"Can you shut the fuck up for five seconds?!"

Everyone looked at me... Kou just glared at me, well, I'm in for it tonight.

I walked into class and I just tried to forget... everything. Why did I have to say that?!

I quickly leave the class after the bell rang and I headed straight for the girls bathroom hastily. I lock myself in a stall and went on my phone, again.

"Kou would look sooo good with Megumi right?", A feminine voice sighed.

"Doesn't he already have a girlfriend? It's that Y/N girl right?"

"I hate that bitch, she told him to shut the fuck up today, the audacity"

"Seriously?- Oh hey Megumi!"

Who's Megumi? I heard she's some really famous model/idol. I listen in on their conversation.

"Hey guys! What's up?", She said enthusiastically.

"Did you hear what Y/N said to Kou today?"

"Hm? Yeah I heard about it... Poor Kou, he must feel so abused by her. Also I asked him if he wanted to do a photoshoot with me and he said yes!"

My heart sank at her words... He really said that he'd do it with her? I get an Instagram notification that Kou updated his story, I went on and it read: Doing a photoshoot with Megumi! I'm so excited! I'll put pictures on later!

I turned my phone off in defeat. I'll stay with him for the plan... Not because I'm in love with him. I'm sick of the shit he does at this point. I wait for the girls to leave, which didn't take long so I left the stall and went to wash my hands. "Hey you stupid bitch!", A voice screamed at me. I ignored it. "DONT FUCKING ANNOY ME BITCH!".

I looked at her and I felt a strong impact on my face and I felt something run down my face. I looked in the mirror and blood was spilling down. The girl and her friends took turns hitting me and they left after 5 painful minutes.

I hate this...

I walk out to the nurse's office and grabbed a large plaster for my face and walked out. Why can't this day just end? I wanna go back and go to bed.

"Masokitty...?"

"Yeah... What's up?"

"What happened to your face?"

"I..."

I saw the group of girls snickering at me.

"I fell..."

"Is that right?", He said getting serious. The way he was looking at me made me wanna crawl under a rock and die. School was over before I knew it and the car ride was silent, a very awkward silence.

"I wanna talk when we get back Masokitty... I'm not very happy on how you were acting today, it was sooo embarrassing"

Yuma pursed his lips and widened his eyes, knowing that some major tea is going to go down.

"I'm sorry for being such an embarrassment...", I said shyly, not looking him in the eyes.

Does he honestly think that he'd be the one suffering...?

"I don't think you're an embarrassment Livestock... Kou, you need to think about Eve, her happiness should be your top priority. The plan is almost finished"

"I-it's really fine, it's not like it matters to me whether I'm happy or not...", I deadpan looking out the window.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell is your problem today?! You're starting to piss me off!", Yelled Kou.

"It doesn't matter, I'll just...deal with it myself or whatever", I sighed listlessly.

"Eve... isn't...acting...like...her...normal...self...at school... you...tend...to...be....much...happier...at... home....are...you...sure...that... you're... fine....at....school?", Said Azusa, clearly worried.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. Nothing that bad has happened", I said smiling.

"Oh, also I gotta go out later today", said Kou.

"Be back before dinner, what time are you going at?", Asked Ruki. He's such a mom sometimes.

"Uhhh... 12:00 to 15:00. Shouldn't you of all people be curious as to where I'm going Masokitty?", Hissed Kou.

"Not really no, just don't do anything dumb"

Kou ignored you for the rest of the car ride and avoided you for the rest of the night.

It was time for you to go to bed, you just went to your own room because you thought he didn't want you to sleep next to him.

It was 16:00... He should've been home by now... I checked his Instagram and...

He and Megumi made such a good couple... Comments on the post said that they should start dating, they'd make such a great couple.

What is this... Inferiority?

This crushing feeling like I'll never be good enough for Kou...

Do I only love Kou because... He's someone no one else can have? Do I see him as a trophy...?

Does he only see me as a blood bag? Something he can use for his amusement?

I turn off my phone and flop onto my bed, Jesus Christ, I wanted to cry until I eventually drown into my tears.

It feels like Kou's moving away from me... And I hate it.

Ruki POV-

"Explain this Kou", I ordered showing him an image on my phone of his going into some girls apartment. I was beyond annoyed with him for what he did.

Kou was looking at the photo in shock. "You slept with that girl didn't you?! Incase you haven't noticed, you have a girlfriend, who has seen this and questioning her worth to you"

"Ruki! I didn't sleep with her and most importantly, Y/N saw?!", He yelled. "She even said that you and Megumi made a good couple today at lunch"

Kou looked like he was about to cry.

"I knew it was weird, how she was always trying to avoid me at school. I ruined her..."

About time he came to his senses...

"She even told me that she'll stay to fulfill the plan, not for you. The stress of choosing an Adam was hard enough, but the stress of her Adam not loving her is worse"

Kou rushed off finally. Besides, I knew he'd never cheat on her. He loves her too much...

Y/N P.O.V.

I was looking outside my window and I heard running down the hall, Kou burst in with no context and rushed over to me.

I tensed up and closed my eyes, thinking that he'd yell at me but instead, he just stood infront of me helplessly crying like a child. He leant down and embraced me like I was going to disappear in seconds.

"I'm...I'm s-sorry! I was o-only thinking about m-myself!", He cried, I could barely decipher what he was saying yet I had an idea why he was being so apologetic.

Because I saw the picture of him going into Megumi's home and he wants me to keep being in his little harem.

I out one arm around him and keep a listless face, knowing him he's just trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him.

"Grow the fuck up, you're just sad because you got exposed and I'm just the most convenient to go and cry to"

He looked at me and started crying even more. "SHUT UP! I LOVE YOU AND I'D CHOOSE YOU OVER MEGUMI- NO ANY MAN OR WOMAN OUT THERE!", he yelled.

"R-Ruki told me that... You think that I no longer care about you or love you... I don't want to be around those girls, they only like me because I'm attractive and famous but you- you've seen me at my worst and most violent, yet you've still stayed with me... Thank you... Thank you so much Y/N, my precious Eve"

I hug him back and I felt like crying, however, there was still a little demon on my shoulder telling me that he was faking it.

"Kou...there's no way that I'd be good enough for someone like you"

His mood swing came and he aggressively grabbed my shoulders. "How the hell can you say that?! Jesus Christ, you're the most precious thing to me! I'd sacrifice my career for you in a heartbeat!"

I'm getting mixed feelings here, he says he loves me but he sounds like he's gonna strangle me any second. Why couldn't Yui be an option? She can be my Lilith but that's not the point.

"Stop lying to me...", I whisper, holding onto him tighter.

"I'm not... You know how much I hate lies"

"Stop lying..."

"I'm not", he said softly holding onto me.

I start crying quietly, feeling a lot better that Kou gave me the verification that I so desperately wanted to hear, yet there was still some lingering doubt.

We skipped school to hangout and to do other stuff.

Timeskip~ Monday

"Kou! You looked so handsome in that photoshoot!"

"Thanks! But I don't have time to talk today because I need to focus on my special lady", he said politely.

"It's been awhile since we both went to class together", I said. I was in much better spirits because he was with me.

I guess being around with Kou in public isn't that bad.

IDGAF if I made mistakes, just deal with it because I'm too lazy...