#which i tried to do with zero
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i want to make more scary creatures but my art style is too cute. GRABS ZERO'S LONG ASS SOCK BODY!!!! BE SCARY!!
#thunder roars#Well ok im not very creeped out by alot of things visuals wise...#its only scary if its uncanny vlaley to me#which i tried to do with zero#but im not very good at it. mostly because it has an animal shaped face#but i think giving it human features like eyes/teeth/hands was a good choice
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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Incorrect, the fact that Biden has dropped out and a candidate with history of supporting medicare for all and being more receptive to a ceasefire in the I/P conflict has made me go from "I cannot morally support the Democratic nominee" to "I am voting for the Democratic nominee despite the fact she isn't perfect in every respect." I'm really happy this played out. The Dems for the most part abandoned the old Obama platform and it feels like its possible an actual progressive agenda could come to pass in my lifetime.
Kamala 2024!
If you weren't going to vote Democratic in this election before Biden dropped out you're a dorkass loser who does not care about any of the issues you're yammering about here and also a fundamentally bad person, and I hope you get run over by a bus.
But you got one thing right in all of this gibberish, Kamala 2024.
#personal#answered#anonymous#i mean let's be clear here no president is gonna attempt to be progressive ever again within my lifetime#because joe biden tried to do like 25% of that and got ZERO fucking credit#he did so much on healthcare on reform on loans on so many social issues and for all his litany of failings on i/p#he has been distinctly harsher on netanyahu than a good chunk of dems and certainly the entire republican party#for the first time since i was four we are not involved in any wars as americans and that is thanks to joe biden#but the thing is that he gets no credit for any of it!#him pulling out of afghanistan caused his approvals to tank in a way that never recovered#and leftists gave him FUCK ALL for it#they gave him nothing they just continued whining that even tho he cancelled a bajillion in student loans#he didn't actually cancel a QUADRILLION dollars so both parties are the same and voting is the most arduous task known to man#no democrat who is running is going to forget that catering to leftist/progressive policies gets them zero leeway with those supporters#that it not only tanks numbers but you still get constant haranguing about it anyway#so they're not gonna do it#we are gonna get fuckall for at least a good fifty years#and anything we get will be utterly in SPITE of people like you anon it will happen in spite of everything you've done#mostly because of people like me and mine who understand that voting is the bare minimum#and that for the democratic process to work the way you want it to you need to participate and not pitch a fucking fit#like a four year old who was told they can't go to disney this weekend#like i know you ratfuckers are happy this played out because this is all a game to you and you don't actually care#but that's why i've got zero faith in you people and why i'm glad it's my kind of folks#actual die hard democrats who have always been hardliners for supporting democrats in every possible election#who are picking up the slack and donating to harris and supporting her agenda#which is the exact same as biden's because she's his vice president and they share they same platform#because that's what they were both running on! twice!#anyway fuck you please feel free to find a necktie and test how tall your doorframe is
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loop and mirabelle. That's it that's the ask
DAY 84: enrolled in the gossip wars
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#mirabelle isat#isat spoilers#vaguely. mostly for the tags#i think it'd be sooo funny if like. loop and mirabelle postcanon.#loop has rejoined the party somewhat recently and they are not at all adapting. to be honest. reunion probably happened too soon#bc they are a siffrin which means they are disgustingly sentimental. their ass is not taking the time to discover themself as a new person.#do you really think loop is gonna take their own advice.lol.#lmao even#Ok so anyways i think the party and loop would have a weird thing going on#like theyre all extremely grateful to loop. and they trust loop through the general basis of theyre apparently very dear to siffrin#but fucking nobody knows what to make of this bitch. odile knows they are hiding Something but she has no certain evidence to pin it down.#isabeau can't catch loop alone for more than 5 seconds. has the distinct sense they're avoiding him and he does not know why#bonnie....well tbh i think they'd vibe with loop. bonnie win.#mirabelle. i think she wouldn't really like loop? not at first anyways#do you remember in sasasap mirabelle telling siffrin(loop) that for a long time she thought they were a callous sort of person#bc they never took anything seriously at all. like the whole journey didnt mean anything. until they took an eye for bonnie#i think mirabelle would catch a similar vibe towards loop(lol.) bc like#like loop's main presence in the group is negging siffrin and being weird and dodgy around everyone else#i don't even think they'd be mean to the others but they would do everything in their power to throw the party zero bones#so all mirabelle has to go on for loop is that they're kind of a dickhead to her friend and that they're not receptive to normal group#social activities. i think being on the receiving end of mirabelle's kindness would make loop kind of sad and she'd pick up on it#but like. loop is inexplicably important to siffrin. she doesn't know the details bc neither of them want to talk at all about the loops#and i think siffrin would be especially dodgy abt talking about loop in the interrim between them rejoining and them being Presumed Dead#so mirabelle tries a new strategy to bridge the gap between her and loop. the power of Mutual Haterism#more specifically i think mirabelle would get the impression of loop as being much more of a bitch than they actually are#due to the aforementioned siffrin negging#so like. maybe that's just how they socialize maybe they'd be down to talk about hot takes and gossip a bit
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me as a kid: i have all these problems
every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine
me as an adult: i still have all these problems
my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago
#problems i have finally gotten help for that i was told i was not old enough to know about:#AMPS (was told it was anxiety and then when i kept coming back they said it was fibro Quite Literally just to get me to shut up)#(like the doc i just saw literally said 'they diagnose fibromyalgia here when they dont know what the problem is but dont feel like testing)#multiple food allergies (was also told the stomach pain and vomiting was anxiety)#seborrheic dermatitis (i was told 'youre just stressed thats why you have a rash')#(which- if im so stressed my skin is literally dying MAYBE I STILL NEED HELP?????????)#autism and adhd (my father knew! but refused to get me assessed bc if i dont have a diagnosis theres no problem right :)#anxiety disorder (oh so when I'm in pain i DO have anxiety but when i say i have anxiety I'm overreacting okay)#dyscalculia and possibly dyslexia ('you just need to try harder' I've asked for a tutor five times)#some of my doctors don't actually believe me about some of these problems BECAUSE i have no records from when i was a kid#they're like 'it just popped up at 18? seems suspicious......' like I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR'S UNTIL THEN#there's definitely more but I'm still mad abt it#i might not be in a wheelchair Almost All The Time if i had gotten help BEFORE i lost half the feeling in my legs#i KNEW the fibro was a BS diagnosis#i tried to get assessed for autism at 16 and was told i have schizotypal personality disorder instead with literally zero testing#like my psych just refused to allow me to get tested for autism she was like 'no you have spd i Just Know'#same psych that said there was zero way i had anything like DID because my symptoms didn't present Exactly like the Only other#patient at the clinic with DID. i want to note that that was a 14 year old boy still being actively abused#and i was a 20 year old who was in a safe environment and had distanced myself from my abusers and stressors
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some more hiking simulator 3040 because what else would I do
#mountain-goat-loy-official#lou plays#Horizon Zero Dawn#the only thing I'm good at in hzd is jump and try to fall short enough for loy to live#and I'm not even all that great at that. thank fuck for Banuk Werak Chieftain my beloved#the one thing I will say though is that I don't remember the last time I used fast travel because I tend to just run everywhere#the map is small enough and the machine sites far enough apart that it's not a hassle to just do some sightseeing on the way to places#still finding corners of the map's edge that I haven't tried walking out of tho. which is always nice#you know I love some mountain landscapes
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"Why not?"
"I wish you were a girl."
#hughlander#at first i thought of hughie saying the first quote but the more i thought about it the more it made sense for it to be john HEAR ME OUT..#he was obviously trained to only enjoy the whole “american dream” so ofc that picture perfect look for him would be a woman next to him#while he himself is a piece of shit and cares only about his image he also just doesnt give a shit#(based on his behavior l8r on in the show) he also just doesnt care what anyone has to say especially since in his eyes he is THE strongest#no one can say anything to him and hes untouchable..which is why his odd obsession with hughie will prove to be zero issue#and while he tries to make a connection with hughie in his own overly possesive way hughie holds himself firm with his actions#(lowkey where things gets ooc oh well idc) homelander does try and make SOME sort of attempt in picking at his brain anf at hughie as to#figure out WHY he even is interested in “that loser” and in doing so he eventually finds that hughie for whatever stupid reason#notices that he GENUINELY does care about people and that its not some front like he really does and TRY to see some good in people#so john opens up slightly to him about what people at vought did to him as a kid and its those moments where homelander tries to make it-#light buy hughie looks at him and i mean really /looks/ at him and says “jesus thats fucked Im sorry” and john is absolutely dumbfounded#like so dumbfounded and the god honest yet short comment in regards to him opening up about his past#essentially john starts to feel what he always imagined what “feelings” are supposed to be and after a long time of him and hughie oddly#finding some sort of “middle ground” he tries to pull a move in a moment of odd peace amongst the two and hughie jerks back#john is so confused and i mean REALLY confused#he thought he read all those “signals” right based on the romantic films he was forced to watch why is hughie acting like this?#he doesnt want to even think about what this pain in his chest is and all he can ask is “why not?”
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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now that artfight is over i can take some time to properly design them before i make new refs
#null havoc damage#ultraman showtime#allegro and lyle are basically done i think. i just gave allegro his arm fins back#i took them off at one point but after remembering that belial and geed have them im putting em back on#i still think lyle looks too simple but then again whenever i try to draw a showa ultra i go 'this is too simple'#so im leaving him as he is .#i adapted zero darkness' markings for zstar this time and i like it a lot i think the lightning bolt esc patterns look super cool#marize also looks too simple but alas... i dont want to overdesign her either#im also not sure i like the shade of pink i picked for her metal i might mess with her colors more#but i like the idea of her metallic bits being iridescent bc she looks like a fish#i did not attempt to do that in the shading though . which may be why it looks bad#idk. my power is flickering so im too scared to draw on my pc so ipad doodles are happening instead#i also dont know why i gave zstar that stupid ass smirk i just drew it on her and was like yeah ok#I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE THE BOYS MATTE AND THE GIRLS SHINY. THATS JUST HOW IT SHOOK OUT#allegro could be shiny but when i tried to make him shiny it looked weird. might try again later#i think i just need to do a bunch of iterations with marize and then pick one and make myself be satisfied with it#or else im going to mess with her design for weeks on end. sorry mari
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a wild assortement of comic wip screenshots and a random doodle that i posted to twitter but not here
(this doodle here is of Raal (aka demise before he became a deity) but whatever happens here isnt anything 'canon', i just randomly doodled him to try a loosen up my painting style bc when i work on the comic i tend to concentrate too much of rendering it perfectly and i dont like that)
#ganondoodles#doodles#art#i am so very tired#too tired for tags#btw i do love and read every ask i get but damn i just dont have the energy to reply to most#and i feel so guilty#i wish i could make a warning show up when someone wants to send me an ask#that just says -yo i love and cherish and reread all asks but unfortunately have zero energy to reply but chances are it made me cry-#given the asks isnt mean spirited or straight up bots#which my impsoter brain sometimes still tries to make me think#like either woo look at all those people LYING to your face#but i have grown alot since those days and now its mostly just#so look what a nice and lovely absolutely beautiful ask this person send you and you disrespectful fool are not answering it shame upon you#thats most likely why i have been getting less and less and man i feel so bad#like when its asks about drawing advice i either dont know what to say bc i dont have any idea what im doing eihter#or bc i plan a giant response with a big ass illustrated tutorial even tho i know i neither got the time or energy for it#but still cant answer then bc wait you wanted to make a tutorial you cant answer it just like that#and when its a super nice compliment about my art i just#dont know how to express my gratitude and silently reread it time and time again never answering it bc then it would be gone from the inbox#;__;#alright falling asleep brain better not have written sth i will regret reading tomorrow#i think this is the longest tags i put on a completely unrelated post of mine#if you have read all these tags send me an ask only containing the name of your fav fruit and i will make you a little pixel sprite of it
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please do not the cat
#ITS THE BOYYY#ITS SO ME FR#i realized recently ive never actually drawn spark like. doing his thing.#i have made next to zero lore art ever#which is crazy seeing as hes like literally my most fleshed out character#anyways i tried to make it messy in a stylistic way i think it looks cool#i ended up not using a reference photo so excuse my poor anatomy#gore is SUPER fun to draw like this btw#absolutely doing more of this#sighhhh sparkplug lore.....#one day ill use it for anything ever.........#art#drawing#digital art#furry#oc#oc art#fursona#gore#tw gore#cw gore#blood#cw blood#tw blood#furry art#oc artwork#Spotify#my art
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What's the purpose of your "4k quality live concert recording" if the audio is shit 😭 I wanna hear stuff with my ears to live vicariously through you!!!
#and then half the time someone is singing near the camera#which I don't blame them for. that's what you do at a concert#but what's the purpose of uploading that recording. who wants to listen to someone else's off key singing#when they're looking for a concert recording#I would know - I've tried to record a favorite song on a concert a couple of times#and then immediately proceeded to sing my heart out directly into my microphone#zero regrets but clearly that's not something I'd appload 😭#i just want live recordings in a bearable quality. since obviously they won't be re-released officially
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love it when a well-established app decides it needs to be more profitable and becomes nigh unbearable to use
#this is about Etsy mobile#stop telling me about gift mode. i do not care.#and the more that these full-screen ads about it interrupt my use of the app. the more i will ignore it out of spite.#additionally the aggressive ad campaigns IN MY PUSH NOTIFICATIONS are making me hate you. push notifs are for my friends only#and at the same time?? you've shoved my order history behind a link that has zero visual indication of being a link#which was pretty flummoxing the last time i tried to look up an order!#very cool. all in all very good signs that etsy is a healthy app#on top of. y'know. all the bullshit their sellers have had to deal with in the last few years#and the fact that it is no longer just the “handmade items” marketplace but largely just the “drop shipped from China” marketplace#ughhh
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having one of those nights where i'm just. extremely frustrated about fatphobia's existence and the fact that whatever i do to try and change it will be a drop in the ocean and there'll always be people who think i'm just saying this because i'm lazy
#and by night i mean its 5am but shhhhh#what sucks is i was actually building my acting confidence back up quite a bit with my delirium stuff#and i still do wanna do more of that!#but i got reminded that regardless of how good an actor i am i don't meet the 'must be this skinny to have emotions' bar#so i could only ever play her over the internet where people can't see my body#which is especially dumb bc she has like 60% of a physical form at best and yet its always a skinny one#and like i love sandman but it has a fatphobia problem. and the show has not exactly rectified it#kinda wanna draw despair skinny and the other endless not to turn the whole depression = overweight thing on its head#bc hell depression also = underweight and frankly i'd rather have no fat characters at all than her be the only one#but i fear that would get misconstrued and i don't wanna bring down that kinda hate on my head#and like i know i can't change what i look like i've tried i gotta be happy with this eventually#but i see no difference between comic despair and myself in the mirror#and sometimes it makes me feel like im two minutes away from growing tusks#so whoooooo oversharing on the internet#just. i wanna punch something but the something is society so unfortunately that's not really possible#okay to rb if you want i give zero fucks about this being shared im just keeping it in the tags bc that's polite
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a little more disorganised exploring
#disorganised only bc some are from my older NG+ save file where I managed to NOT override gravity and died missing a zip line jump#and then ended up being told by Aloy that I need to finally do Erend's quest so Avad will talk to me#even tho I literally just saved Itamen and his mom so what the heck. he knows who we are gdi#anyway. the other ones are from my embrace-escape run where I'm outside early just collecting stuff#and doing as many quests as the game allows pre playing through the Proving#world's a little weird. campfires don't save your progression properly. but vantage points do#and you can fast travel to settlements. just.. no override and only one bandit camp as far as I've been able to tell#so it's my favourite game - hiking simulator 3040 my beloved. love this game. the vibes are stellar and the visuals are gorgeous#The Cut is lovely too but I got sidetracked going for all the metal flowers and vessels and vantage points instead#plus.. no tallnecks so far and even if they showed up I couldn't override them anyway#so cauldrons are prob out of the question too. not sure if I tried before tho#saddest thing so far: no Proving means no Yan means no Solai means no Nakoa quest and therefore no Nakoa :'(#but Daytower is locked until later anyway.. tho maybe I could get there from the other side? the other gate further north is open luckily#which means I've met Petra again and done her first quest. which does make me happy. I've missed her and her flirting :)#(grandma Teersa is so well done btw. LOOK AT HER)#anyway. off to bed now#lou plays#Horizon Zero Dawn#hzd remaster
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keep seeing that person who is OBSESSED with posture and its actually pissing me off
#like im sorry but you look worse#like genuinely its scary#it gives I Dont Know Anatomy And Tried To Draw A Side Profile#like please no#i HATE IT#and like. unless its harming you (which most of the time it ISNT) whoooooo gaf#WHOOOOOO GAF AT ALL#makes me sooo mad like please just enjoy life instead of freaking out about your posture girl ong#i HATE accounts dedicated to “skincare” and shit#like im sorry but i have Zero respect for you when your main audience is 14 year old girls be for real#“you NEED to be using aandnndndnsnnananjdjsj! youll thank yourself when youre 25 😏” can i just live my life#whatever happened to enjoyment#why should i HATE my wrinkles girl shut UP#“if you have a round face its just your cortisol!” literally every woman in my family has a round face do not piss me off#why are they all CONVINCED that round faces shouldnt exist#like im sorry i have cheeks?????????!??!?!??!?!??! what the fuck#if you happen to be a child and seeing this then can you just tell people to shut the fuck up while you can still get away with it#or cry in their faces and tell them they made you feel bad#blah blah!#not 75 stuff#anyway if ONE MORE PERSON tries to tell me to use a Product to “fix my skin” or my face shape or whatever im going to explode them#with my mind.
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