#why are they all CONVINCED that round faces shouldnt exist

[bedforddanes75]

keep seeing that person who is OBSESSED with posture and its actually pissing me off

[sam-lives-story]

#SamLives - Chapter 8

“Bump In The Night”

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Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

October 24th, 2015

Jack had finished recording for the day, and he was more than ready to head to bed. A yawn escaped him and he stretched both arms over his head, arching his back against his desk chair. He felt a few joints pop as he did so. Oof…he’d been sitting for too long. Maybe it was time to invest in one of those standing desks…?

The Irishman stood and ruffled his hair - vibrant green, which was a very recent change for him - to try and get rid of the dent left by his headphones. He took his time in turning off his equipment and shutting everything down before leaving the room. It had been a good recording day. He’d managed to finish Fran Bow today as well, and holy hell if that hadn’t been a good game. He already knew he was going to miss playing it. A soft smile graced his features and he strolled down the hall toward the bathroom, scratching the back of his head. Yeah. Fran was fun. He hoped he got the chance to play another game he could do voices for. Maybe for Undertale? That was one he’d been looking at starting soon too…

A noise from his bedroom made him pause outside the open door, his eyes flicking between the bedroom’s handle and the closed bathroom door further down the hall. What was that…?

The noise didn’t repeat, so Jack ducked his head into his bedroom and turned on the light, frowning. Blue eyes searched the now-illuminated space…and…oh. He rolled his eyes. There was a pile of Sams that he usually kept at the corner of his dresser, stacked up in front of the mirror above his sock drawer. They were from fans, from his community, all sent to him from all over the world. It always made him smile to see them and it made him want more and more to try and go to a convention, so he could meet people face-to-face. He hadn’t been to many yet.

Anyway, he normally kept the Sam pile stacked on the corner of his dresser, but at the moment most of them were on the floor. Not that it surprised him. They were all round, so if one toppled, it was basically expected that a whole bunch of them would roll off the edge too. Ah well. Jack padded across the room in socked feet and crouched to pick them up, stacking them in his arms one by one, standing once he’d gather them all. He dumped them onto the dresser again with the intent of - maybe - straightening them in the morning. Then he turned to the door, ready to leave it at that.

Which he would have done…if it weren’t for the fact that he saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

Jack paused mid-step and glanced over his shoulder again, more tense than before. What was that? He narrowed his eyes at the pile of Sams…and that’s when he saw it. One of the Sams moved. Jack blinked and his breath hitched. What the hell…? He crouched in front of the dresser and he stared at the one he thought had moved. It was about the size of a normal eye, maybe a little bigger…and it was almost shiny. Not plush, like the rest.

Jack blinked.

Sam blinked back.

“fUCKIN’ JAYSUS–“

In his haste to scramble back from the dresser, Jack tripped over his own feet and ended up sprawling backwards across his bedroom floor. He shuffled backward until his back was pressed against the front of his nightstand with the knob from the drawer digging into his shoulder blade. What. The fuck. What the fuck. What the FUCK?!

“Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry—!”

Jack was breathing heavily and his eyes were wide as saucers…but the tiny, scared voice he heard in the back of his mind made him pause. It was unfamiliar yet familiar all at once, unknown but a friend. He swallowed thickly and sat up a little, shifting to his knees.

“…h-hello?”

A small squeak sounded from the other side of the room and Jack saw the Sam pile twitch. He took a deep breath. Jack had an odd feeling that he knew exactly what was going on, as ridiculous as it sounded in his head. This…this was absolutely impossible, but at the same time…it was the only thing that made sense. He stood up slowly.

“Sam?”

It felt stupid, saying it out loud. He was talking to a pile of plushies, why should he expect a response? But then…

“J-Jack?”

Jack took another, shaking breath and inched forward across the bedroom. Sam - real, living Sam - was sitting between a giant Sam plush the size of a basketball, and a few smaller ones that had been hand-knitted by fans. He was shaking where he sat, his optic nerve - tail? - curled around his front as if to protect himself. His eye - pupil? Iris? He was an eye - was wide and it was clear that he was scared, nervous.

Sam looked just as scared as Jack felt, if not more so.

“Y-Yeah,” Jack breathed, nodding. “Yeah. Jack, that’s…that’s me…” He took a few more steps closer to the dresser.

Sam squeaked again and wiggled backward across the dresser’s surface, only unable to go very far because of the giant plush behind him. Jack gasped softly and shook his head, a sudden protectiveness surging through him.

“No…no no no, it’s okay, I’m sorry!” He held up his hands and stopped right in front of the dresser. He crouched until he was more at eye-level - literally - with Sam. “Sorry buddy. Did I…scare ya?”

Sam blinked up at him - how the hell did he blink without having eyelids? - and seemed to nod. The little eyeball had yet to stop shaking. He stared at Jack for a long moment, neither of them saying a word, both of them watching the other. It was Sam who broke the silence.

“…not mad?”

Jack was still trying not to think too hard on the fact that he was hearing a voice in the back of his head and instead just shook his head, a soft smile playing across his lips.

“No, o’ course not,” he spoke softly. A quiet chuckle left him. “Why would I be mad?”

“You…shouted.” The words sounded whispered in the back of his mind and Sam hid behind his tail. Optic nerve? …tail. Jack decided it was a tail. Definitely. That made it cuter.

“Well ya did scare the ever-livin’ shite out o’ me,” Jack admitted with a sheepish smile. He rested his chin on his arms on the edge of the dresser. “Can’t say I’ve ever seen somethin’ like you before.” A pause. “…and I still can’t decide if I’m dreamin’ or not.”

A small, almost childlike giggle came to life in his mind and he couldn’t help the affectionate chuckle that left him at the sound. Sam peeked out from beneath his tail, his expression seeming more cheerful than before, if not a little nervous still. (How did an eyeball show emotions? It was so strange to watch…it was like his iris and pupil moved in a way that they shouldn’t, like they were his sole form of facial expression and they morphed to match his emotions. It was weird as fuck…and so damn cool.)

“If you’re dreaming then so am I,” Sam giggled. He seemed to slowly become more comfortable and he let his tail drop away from his ‘face’. Pupil? Iris.

“That’s exactly what dream-Sam would say,” Jack teased. Teasing and joking. His default.

While it wasn’t the best way to face a problem, it sure made him feel a hell of a lot more comfortable in the face of such an uncertain situation. He glanced toward the still-open door, then back to Sam. What would Sam do if he left to brush his teeth? Would he even still be here at all? Or would this all turn out to be some hallucination brought on my his sleep-deprived and caffeine-fueled state of mind…?

“Jack…?”

“Hm?” Jack blinked his thoughts away and dragged his eyes back to Sam, who kept glancing up at him and away again with a nervous look in his eye. “What’s up?”

“Can I…sleep with you, on the bed? I’m scared…”

And, shit, if that wasn’t the most adorable and precious thing he’d heard in his life. His heart melted and an adoring smile flickered to life on his face. Forget brushing his teeth. One night without clean teeth wouldn’t kill him.

“Of course you can,” Jack nodded, and after a moment’s uncertainty he reached toward Sam. The little eye shrank in on himself nervously, and Jack instantly paused in his motions. He thought about it…then he turned his hand over, palm up. And he waited. He didn’t move, didn’t breath. Sam eyed his hand with uncertainty at first. Jack could almost feel his apprehension, his nervousness…or maybe he really could feel it? It was the same feeling he got when Sam was talking to him, a little nudge in the back of his mind. Jack didn’t have long to ponder it however, because as soon as he felt it, it was gone again. Sam jumped lightly onto Jack’s palm - eyeballs could jump? Who knew? - and he wrapped his tail around one of Jack’s fingers, holding on.

Sam felt almost as one might expect a sentient eyeball to feel, Jack supposed. Smooth, almost soft. Not slimy though. Just…smooth. Like he was holding a baby. A very green, very tiny baby shaped like a ping pong ball.

…yeah, great metaphor Jack. You should definitely give up YouTube to become an author. Definitely.

But beyond that, Sam was surprisingly warm. It was almost comforting, and as Jack carefully carried the little eyeball over to his bed he couldn’t help but wonder why he had even been scared of the little guy in the first place. Come on, it was Sam he was talking about here. He’d never pictured Sam as anything other than friendly and sweet…so why would the real deal be any different?

Forget the fact that Sam shouldn’t even exist at all, because Jack was still wholly convinced that this was just a very realistic dream.

Resigning himself to sleeping in his t-shirt and boxers, Jack tipped Sam onto the other pillow and shucked off his jeans, slipping into bed and flicking off the lights. He felt Sam bounce across the covers a few times before snuggling in near his chest…and as Jack closed his eyes he could have sworn he heard the little eyeball purring.

What a weird dream.

When Jack awoke the next morning, it was to glass breaking somewhere in the apartment. He sat bolt-upright on the bed, eyes flying wide and pulse racing. What the hell…? His gaze flickered rapidly around the room, taking in the scene. The Sam pile on his dresser was still in disarray from last night, but a quick search of his bed didn’t offer him any proof that Sam himself had ever been there. The little eyeball was gone, and for a brief, relieving moment Jack could almost convince himself that it had all been a very realistic, very strange dream.

Almost.

Except for the fact that not too long after he had been awoken by shattering glass, a small, distant voice had started murmuring in the back of his mind in a quick, panicked tone.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no…!”

Jack swallowed thickly. Either this was a very long and very convincing dream…or what he had witnessed last night had been far from fiction. His eyes fell on the barely-opened bedroom door and they remained there, locked on the sliver of light between door and frame. Wake up. Wake up, Jack. He had to wake up…

The Irishman reached across his own body with a shaking hand to pinch at his arm.

The fact that he could feel the pain from it didn’t lessen his fears whatsoever.

Jack took one breath, then another. Sam’s voice in the back of his head was still distant and equally panicked. Obviously something had happened out there…so Jack dragged himself out of bed and shuffled across the bedroom to figure out what had been broken. It was more of an afterthought than anything else that had him stepping into his slippers. Just in case. The hallway beyond his bedroom was illuminated by white ceiling lights, lights that he only now realized he had never turned off last night. He made his way down the hall and turned left at the door to his recording room, passing it by in favor of heading toward the main part of the apartment. The hallway opened out into the living room, and beyond that was a half-wall and a doorway that led to the kitchen.

The kitchen. That’s where Sam’s voice was coming from, Jack realized, because as he drew closer to the doorway the small voice in the back of his head grew slowly in volume, just like it would if Sam had been speaking aloud. God, this was still so strange…

“Sam?”

A squeak sounded from somewhere in the kitchen - an actual squeak, not one in his mind - and Jack ducked through the doorway, looking around. Broken glass sparkled against the edge of the counter and the kitchen floor, the remains of what Jack could easily make out as a glass from the cupboard above the counter. Blue eyes raised slowly until he spotted Sam.

The little eyeball was hiding just barely out of sight on the bottom shelf of the cupboard, his tail tucked around himself and his entire being shaking. He had his eye closed tightly and he looked so very scared. Jack didn’t say anything for a moment.

“…Sam? What happened? You okay, buddy?”

“Sorry sorry sorry sorry–”

“Hey, woah, Sam. Calm down!” Jack stepped carefully over the majority of the glass and reached up, gently lifting Sam out of the cupboard and cradling the little eyeball close to his chest. It was almost automatic, but at the same time he was a little nervous. He didn’t know how to handle the little guy just yet. How gentle did he have to be? Would he hurt Sam if he wasn’t careful? Sam squeaked at being picked up, but he didn’t seem hurt. Just…scared. He buried his ‘face’ into the blue and grey fabric of Jack’s t-shirt, hiding.

“What th’ hell were you tryin’ to do?” Jack asked, glancing at what remained of his glassware. “Those things are heavy for ya. You could’ve gotten hurt!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…d-didn’t mean to break it…just wanted water…”

“Nah, it’s fine, I have more glasses. But you – wait. Water?” Jack asked stupidly. He stared down at Sam’s shaking form for a moment. “Ye mean…to drink?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But you don’t have a mouth.”

The words sounded idiotic leaving his mouth. But really, could you blame him? How the hell did an eyeball drink water?

“I don’t…um…need a mouth.”

“…uh…” Jack blinked blankly at Sam, then sighed. Okay. Sure. Whatever. Sam existed, and that was insane, so why the hell would he need a mouth? He didn’t need a mouth to talk, he’d made that quite apparent already. “…yeah, sure. Hang on…”

Jack reached up into the cupboard and pushed a few things aside, pulling out a small plastic bowl instead. Just in case. He filled it most of the way one-handedly and stepped over the broken glass again, sitting the bowl down on a part of the counter that wasn’t littered with sparkling debris. Sam perked up and shifted in Jack’s hold, peering over the edge of Jack’s hand with a wide eye. He looked back at Jack with something akin to wonder in his gaze, as though Jack helping him was an absolutely magical moment.

“Thank you!”

If Jack hadn’t already fallen into total adoration when it came to his odd little eyeball son, those two words would have finally tipped him over the edge. He chuckled and carefully set Sam on the counter beside the bowl.

“‘Course, bud. No problem.” He smiled softly. “Now stay away from the broken glass, alright? I’ll get it all cleaned up. Don’t want ya hurtin’ yourself, right?”

Sam giggled. Cute kid.

The glass didn’t take long to clean up, not really. It was only a cup. Jack figured Sam had been trying to get it out of the cupboard and it had fallen. How he had even gotten up there was a mystery to Jack, but he could ask about that later. For now he was still processing the fact that Sam was definitely very real, and definitely sitting two feet away on his kitchen counter. Jack leaned the broom against his sink and let his eyes linger on Sam for a moment, the little eyeball splashing happily in the plastic bowl.

How was it possible that Sam even existed? Sam was a fictional character, an imaginary, personified version of his own infected eye from childhood. Sam wasn’t even named until after Jack had been doing YouTube for a few years. It was realistically impossible.

Sam wiggled in the bowl, and Jack now realized that half the water was gone from the container. How…? He paid more attention, and this time he noticed that every so often Sam would close his eye and it looked almost like the little eyeball was taking a breath…then the water would go down a little bit.

“How’re you doin’ that?” he asked, more bluntly than he meant to. Sam blinked his eye open and spun around in the water to look up at Jack.

“Doing what?”

“Drinking…sorta.”

“Oh, um…” Sam blinked and looked down at the water he was sitting in. He was quiet for a moment, thinking, then he looked back up at Jack. “I don’t really know. Kinda like…um…a sponge, I think?”

“A sponge.” A smile twitched at the corner of his lips. “Maybe your name should’ve been Sam Septicsponge instead.”

Sam giggled in the back of Jack’s mind and the YouTuber found himself chuckling as well despite himself. A sponge. So Sam basically absorbed water in order to drink it. That was so fucking cool…and so fucking weird.

It was official. He was gonna need coffee for this.

Oddly enough, going about his usual morning routine with Sam around…wasn’t that strange or different. He made his coffee and some breakfast and sat down to watch some television, all the while thumbing through his social media to catch up on what he’d missed while he was asleep. Sam had hopped up onto his shoulder to go along with him when he left the kitchen, and the little eyeball just ended up curled up on the couch beside Jack while he ate his food. At one point a single Cheerio fell off his spoon onto the tabletop and Sam had perked up, curiosity getting the best of him as he bounced up onto the table. He poked at it with his tail and rolled around it, eyeing it from all sides, then Jack watched in odd fascination while Sam “ate” it. The little eyeball got right up close to the piece of cereal and rolled over it, and it sort of…disintegrated and faded into the green surface of Sam’s…eye. And it was gone. Eaten, apparently.

Jack had to force himself to stop staring after that happened.

Recording was almost the same as before, except now there was a green eyeball sitting on his desk beside his keyboard and beside another fan-made version of Sam that he kept there for fun. Jack had to work a little harder than usual to keep his focus on the game in front of him, especially when he was hearing occasional reactions from Sam in the back of his head. At first he was almost worried that people would suspect something was up, that he wasn’t quite as into his recording as usual…but he brushed it off. It was Trollface Quest. It was a goofy little game, and if anybody did think he was acting out of the ordinary, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, would it?

At some point between recording Trollface Quest and starting up Undertale for the first time, Jack noticed a bit of silence in the room that hadn’t been there before. It took him a moment to realize what the difference was.

Sam. Sam was fast asleep on the corner of the desk, his tail curled around him and his eye closed. Despite himself, Jack felt a small, affectionate smile find its way to his face.

At the start of all of this - in the moment of panic last night, when Jack had seen Sam come to life for the first time - he had been so scared, so panicked. So downright terrified. But now, only half a day later…he was beginning to think that he shouldn’t let himself worry. He shouldn’t let himself be so frightened. This was Sam, after all. Sam, who he had created himself…Sam, who he had always pictured to be a friend of his. Sam wouldn’t hurt him. He never could. The poor little guy had been so scared when he’d first shown up too, as though he thought Jack might throw him out or try to get rid of him. And he was depending on Jack, now.

Having Sam in his life, Jack realized, would be a lot like having a pet, and a lot like having a kid. Sam felt like something in-between the two. A familiar, his mind supplied. A friend he could count on no matter what.

Jack took off his headphones and stood up from his seat, slipped around the blue curtain he had hung up for recording and crossed the room. He picked up the shirt that was still lying there in a crumpled heap from - what - two days ago? - and brought it back to the desk. It only took him a few seconds to wad it up into something akin to a nest, and when he moved Sam off of the hard desk surface and onto the more comfortable bundle of fabric, he heard Sam let out a little contented sigh in the back of his mind.

Yeah…yeah, this could work. This could be really, really good for him, for both of them.

Five minutes later found Jack with his headphones on and his recording in progress, and when the screen appeared for him to name his character in Undertale, he only had to glance at the little nest on the corner of his desk to know what name he would choose.

‘Sam.’

Present Day

Outside the cafe, Jack hit ‘end’ on his phone screen and tucked it into his pocket with a shaking hand, having just finished his call with his mother. He took a slow breath and closed his eyes, focussing on the feeling of Sam’s tail brushing against his fingers from inside his hoodie pocket, focussing on his calming connection in the back of his mind. Sam had been a constant in his life for going on two years now. The thought that the same thing that brought something so pure and happy into his life, could also create something as horrible as Anti…? He shuddered and pushed the thought away. Sam was different. Sam was his friend, his companion. Sam was family.

The Irishman collected himself and stepped back into the cafe, his eyes already seeking out Mark at their table. The other YouTuber looked up from Tim’s pet carrier the moment he saw Jack approaching.

“Want me to hold onto your phone still?”

“…y-yeah. Yeah, actually…that…thanks…” Jack couldn’t get the phone out of his hand quick enough. His breathing and heart rate only began to settle back down to normal once the device was out of sight in Mark’s pocket. He closed his eyes and his free hand tightened into a fist against the tabletop.

“Take a breath, Seán,” Mark said calmly, evenly, a smile in his words. “You did good. How’s your mom?”

“She’s–” Jack broke off and forced himself to breath. Just...breath. Ma. Think about her, not about– “Sh-She’s…” He cleared his throat, forced his fist to uncurl. The action made him wince, his neck still sore from what Anti had– “...she’s good. I told her I missed her, told her to say hi ta Gizmo for me.”

“Did you tell her what happened?”

“Eh…” Jack shrugged sheepishly. “Not...exactly. She hasn’t seen the stream, an’ I warned her not to watch it. I don’t want her seein’ that. She doesn’t watch my videos anyway, but still. Better ta warn her away. An’ it’s not like...not like I can jus’ tell her about my evil alter-ego. I doubt she’d believe me anyway.” A mirthless huff of laughter escaped him. “A few years ago, if anyone had told me I’d be in this situation...shite. I’d call ‘em mad...but I s’ppose after Sam...it’s easier to believe impossible things now, yeah?” He chuckled weakly, and Mark let out a knowing hum.

“Mhm...yeah, I guess so.” A pause. “Have you talked to Robin?”

Jack’s head jerked up, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Not since before the–” The stream. He cleared his throat with a wince. If Mark was suggesting he make another phone call...frankly, he wasn’t sure he had that in him today. “...d-didn’t you talk to him?”

“Well yeah,” Mark nodded, shrugging as he slipped some crackers to Tim. He glanced up to Jack again with a gently pointed look. “But I didn’t tell him the details of what happened, remember? I didn’t tell him what’s really been going on. I think you should do that yourself.”

Jack swallowed, the action catching on a lump in his throat. Tell...Robin? Well, sure, Robin needed to know eventually but...but couldn’t it wait? Or...or better yet, couldn’t Robin just figure it out from the clip on the stream? Or twitter posts, or YouTube comments, or - or–

“You do know you eventually have to tell him everything that’s been happening, right?” Mark’s voice cut through some of his rapidfire thoughts, and Jack flicked his eyes upward toward his friend for the briefest of moments before fixating on the tabletop. “And I mean everything. He’s your closest friend on this side of the world, and your editor. Might not be my place to say so, but he deserves to hear the full truth from you , not draw conclusions from some fanpost on Twitter...or secondhand rumors from another YouTuber.”

“I know,” Jack nodded stiffly, running his free hand through his already-unruly hair while his other continued to seek comfort from just knowing Sam was nearby. The eyeball nuzzled up against his palm inside the hoodie pocket. “I know, I know he does, I know I should tell ‘im but…” He made a pained expression and his fingertips ghosted across the bruised skin of his neck. “...but how do I…how do I explain any of this? How do I apologize for lyin’ to him and hiding all this from him? I...I trusted him with Sam, I should have trusted him with this. And - and - and beyond that–”

It was more than just keeping secrets from his friend. It was more than just not wanting to use his phone right now. It was more than that, because the mere thought of having to explain everything...of having to verbally repeat what had happened in his recording room, what had been happening for weeks...it felt like he would be reliving the moment again. He’d been trying so hard to avoid even thinking about what had happened in too much detail. Explaining all of it, everything, to Robin–

The Irishman’s thoughts were a loud and frantic blur, a quiet panic settling into his chest, just like it had that morning when Mark had brought up the events of the stream. His knee was bouncing beneath the table and his hand - the one not fixated on keeping contact with Sam - had found an imperfection in the table’s surface, his fingers fidgeting and his nails picking at the odd little crack there.

“...beyond that,” he continued hoarsely, “how do I tell him my evil alter-ego came to life and attempted to...to k-kill me, live on camera in front of thousands of people? How do I explain that? How do I – god, the reason I hid it from him in the f-first place, was ‘cause tellin’ somebody else what was h-happening would...it would’ve made it so much more r-real. But then - then the stream happened, and...fuck, Mark. How do I–”

Jack’s voice broke and he ducked his head, fighting back tears he didn’t know were welling in his eyes. He heard Mark’s chair scuff against the cafe floor and felt a warm presence near his right side. He didn’t dare look up.

“I won’t make you tell Robin the truth if you really don’t want to,” Mark told him, and Jack saw the taller man crouch down beside his chair out of the corner of his eye. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder. “But you should try. Maybe not right now, but soon. Robin should be in the loop about all this. I mean, c’mon man, if I tried to keep something like this from Amy or Kathryn - shit. I don’t think I could do it.” It was quiet for a moment, and Jack was vaguely aware of the fact that many people had left since he’d gone out to make his phone call. “I can try and help explain it to him if you want. I’m literally going through the exact same bullshit right now. Minus the attempts on my life, but you know what I mean.”

“You’d do that?” Jack asked, glancing to the side to catch Mark’s gaze. The American’s expression was warm and reassuring, just like his tone of voice, and Jack couldn’t help but feel at least a little hopeful thanks to his friend. Mark smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the motion.

“Hell yeah I’d do that,” Mark nodded. “But you’ve gotta promise me something.”

“What?”

“I wanna see Sam fly.”

And Jack was giggling, the laughter echoed by Sam in the back of his mind. Leave it to Mark to turn a serious situation into something funny and lighthearted.

“Heh...sure. It’s a deal.”

[A/N] So…how about them Egos, huh? ^^ Dude Jack has been going NUTS with the videos recently! I’m happy to see both him and Robin having so much fun with the new, creative content. Good for them! On another note, apologies that this took so long to get out! I had this chapter written a week and a half ago and I honestly forgot to post it. So here! But just a note, future updates WILL be slow. The first few were out with only a day between them, but it’s harder to find time to write now. I’m not giving up on this though! I have ideas! Just you wait and see! <3

Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

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Do alpha males even exist? | Dean Burnett

Dean Burnett: Donald Trump has repeatedly been described as an alpha male, but theres no technical have proven that such a thing even exists in humans

We all know what an alpha male is. An alpha male is a man who takes charge, one who enforces his will on others , not the other way round. Other mortals want to be him, females want to be with him. An alpha male intimidates, hes unquestionably in charge , no matter what developments in the situation. An alpha male is thunderous, sassy, doesnt care what anybody else makes. An alpha male says what he wants, does what he wants, wears what he requires, as long as those invests are roomy enough in the trousers to accommodate his gargantuan gonads and dont melt responding to all the testosterone constantly leaking from his pores.

Thats members of the general impression, anyway. But the notion that human servicemen can be alpha males is actually far from scientifically accepted. This may come as a surprise, given how common and pervasive the concept is. The latest example “wouldve been” Donald Trump in his presidential debates. People have labelled him an alpha male, Nigel Farage even protected Trumps obscene commentaries about ladies as alpha male boasting and likened him to a silverback gorilla, which for those very well known primate dissection is actually quite an revile. So what, scientifically, is particularly so for alpha males among humen? As ever, its reasonably complicated.

Alpha males are supposed to be good with the maids. Photo: Ron Cohn/ BBC

The parentage of the human alpha male

New York Magazine has a very informative and detailed section about this, but the take-home letter is that before the 1960 s there used to be scarcely any examples of humans being described as alpha males, the term be confined to environments like primatology research. Species like chimps and gorillas do have social organization and hierarchies with a prevailing individual at the top, frequently a male who has achieved that positon via parades of fortitude and physical prowess. The information that alpha males prevail isnt feuded, its whether humans can actually be such a thing.

The term started implemented at humans with the publication of Frans de Waals Chimpanzee Politics, which prepared direct likeness between human and chimp behaviour, including the dominant the behavior of males. It became more mainstream when used in the context of Al Gores presidential safarus.

It genuinely became accepted as something soldiers should want to be with the success of Neil Strausss The Game, based on readings he acquired from the Pick Up Artist community. This should trigger alarm bells for many; terms and methods acquired from Pick Up Master should be treated with extreme scepticism at the least. But, sex being the strong motivator that it is, the idea that being an alpha male aimed at improving your life and establish you more successful with women substantiated unbelievably cheating, so acceptance and use of the expression has now become the norm. But this doesnt necessitate its valid, just that its common.

Alpha males expect to get their own practice at all times, and often do. Why that happens is another matter. Image: Alvarez/ Getty Images

The action for the human rights alpha male

One reason that, despite a lack of concrete prove, the idea of the human rights alpha male is so compelling is that is makes a great deal of intuitive gumption. The big, raucous, foolhardy people who swagger and reign and bully have been part of our society for as long as its dwelt, so its nice to have a handy label for them if nothing else.

Its hard to deny that humans are exceedingly susceptible to the process of social reign; we exist in disproportionate hierarchies with inferior and superior individuals in virtually every context, so its not far-fetched is of the view that some gentlemen rise to the top of these hierarchies due to a mix of physical and psychological excellences( such as height, a deep singer, and so on ).

Humans are, for better or worse, quite easily influenced by displays of confidence, after all. And by behaving confident, followers could well find they get their practice more often, and thus be compelled to continue. A self-fulfilling revelation that advocates fake it til you make it is a valid approaching to becoming an alpha male, and therefore propagate the relevant recommendations. After all, maidens love a bad boy( maybe )~ ATAGEND.

Overall, human behaviour has many aspects that, working together, suggest that alpha males are a real thing.

Displays of strength and prowess are common in the wild. They rarely concern petroleum and present pockets, though … Photo: Pornchai Kittiwongsakul/ AFP/ Getty Images

The lawsuit against the human rights alpha male

The conclusion in the previous section highlights the main problem with the arguments for human alpha males; it focuses on supporting evidence, and dismiss that which denies it. Because while human do share a number of features and practices with our primate cousins, we are invariably far more complex.

People can belong to different hierarchies, for example; a person who is the most vocal, reigning party in his amateur football team might be under the heel of an aggressive boss during his era profession. Is he an alpha male, or not? It depends on situation, obviously. Humen have many different social groups and diversifying characters within them, because were more complex. A universal alpha seems unlikely.

Rather than relying on aggressive preeminence, humans are actually far more cooperative and social. Some evidence suggests that our friendliness and sociability is what became us so smart to begin with, so rather than being the top humans, you could argue that alpha males are something of an evolutionary throwback, the civilizational equivalent of an supplement; no longer expended, precisely hangs around and rarely fills everything with poison.

Supposed human alpha male practice also often doesnt coincide alpha male practice in other species. Numerous non-human alpha males also have a corresponding alpha female who exerts same levels of dominance and control, whereas human alpha males invariably have a little respectful position towards women, shall we say. Also, the fact that numerous communities of men( particularly online) are apparently convinced that they can all be alpha males is a contradiction in terms; there should only be one alpha male per parish, thats sort of the whole object. The rest should try and depose him as and when the opportunity presents itself, but until then they are, at best, beta males, a term often used as an revile by members of said community with no feel of paradox.

Its as if the idea of being an alpha male is very reassuring to those who scarcity confidence and are feared by the wider world and beings in it, so want to turn the tables.

This may be key. Theorized alpha males may ever get their practice not because of to some evolved bia in humen to respect and obey men who parade a particular place of peculiarities, as if beings were video games that respond to certain defraud systems, but simply because theyre creepy. If a large, shouty gentleman starts bellowing in your face, thats very unsettling, so people may do what he says to stop him from becoming violent, or only to construct him go forth. Said man would plainly perceive this as evidence for his own superiority.

Maybe the expected human alpha male is an association of disgruntled male wish fulfilment and borderline-pseudoscientific reasons for resorting to bully, coercion and generally all-round distressing practice by men hoping to impose their will on a world-wide they find too complex and unnerving so revert to their baser inclinations to get what they crave, despite knowing deep down they dont deserves it and shouldnt have it?

In fairness, alpha male is a lot more succinct.

Dean Burnetts debut book The Idiot Brain is available now in the UK , USA and Canada .

The post Do alpha males even exist? | Dean Burnett appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2ttN5gg via IFTTT

[apsbicepstraining]

Do alpha males even exist? | Dean Burnett

Dean Burnett: Donald Trump has repeatedly been described as an alpha male, but theres no technical have proven that such a thing even exists in humans

We all know what an alpha male is. An alpha male is a man who takes charge, one who enforces his will on others , not the other way round. Other mortals want to be him, females want to be with him. An alpha male intimidates, hes unquestionably in charge , no matter what developments in the situation. An alpha male is thunderous, sassy, doesnt care what anybody else makes. An alpha male says what he wants, does what he wants, wears what he requires, as long as those invests are roomy enough in the trousers to accommodate his gargantuan gonads and dont melt responding to all the testosterone constantly leaking from his pores.

Thats members of the general impression, anyway. But the notion that human servicemen can be alpha males is actually far from scientifically accepted. This may come as a surprise, given how common and pervasive the concept is. The latest example “wouldve been” Donald Trump in his presidential debates. People have labelled him an alpha male, Nigel Farage even protected Trumps obscene commentaries about ladies as alpha male boasting and likened him to a silverback gorilla, which for those very well known primate dissection is actually quite an revile. So what, scientifically, is particularly so for alpha males among humen? As ever, its reasonably complicated.

Alpha males are supposed to be good with the maids. Photo: Ron Cohn/ BBC

The parentage of the human alpha male

New York Magazine has a very informative and detailed section about this, but the take-home letter is that before the 1960 s there used to be scarcely any examples of humans being described as alpha males, the term be confined to environments like primatology research. Species like chimps and gorillas do have social organization and hierarchies with a prevailing individual at the top, frequently a male who has achieved that positon via parades of fortitude and physical prowess. The information that alpha males prevail isnt feuded, its whether humans can actually be such a thing.

The term started implemented at humans with the publication of Frans de Waals Chimpanzee Politics, which prepared direct likeness between human and chimp behaviour, including the dominant the behavior of males. It became more mainstream when used in the context of Al Gores presidential safarus.

It genuinely became accepted as something soldiers should want to be with the success of Neil Strausss The Game, based on readings he acquired from the Pick Up Artist community. This should trigger alarm bells for many; terms and methods acquired from Pick Up Master should be treated with extreme scepticism at the least. But, sex being the strong motivator that it is, the idea that being an alpha male aimed at improving your life and establish you more successful with women substantiated unbelievably cheating, so acceptance and use of the expression has now become the norm. But this doesnt necessitate its valid, just that its common.

Alpha males expect to get their own practice at all times, and often do. Why that happens is another matter. Image: Alvarez/ Getty Images

The action for the human rights alpha male

One reason that, despite a lack of concrete prove, the idea of the human rights alpha male is so compelling is that is makes a great deal of intuitive gumption. The big, raucous, foolhardy people who swagger and reign and bully have been part of our society for as long as its dwelt, so its nice to have a handy label for them if nothing else.

Its hard to deny that humans are exceedingly susceptible to the process of social reign; we exist in disproportionate hierarchies with inferior and superior individuals in virtually every context, so its not far-fetched is of the view that some gentlemen rise to the top of these hierarchies due to a mix of physical and psychological excellences( such as height, a deep singer, and so on ).

Humans are, for better or worse, quite easily influenced by displays of confidence, after all. And by behaving confident, followers could well find they get their practice more often, and thus be compelled to continue. A self-fulfilling revelation that advocates fake it til you make it is a valid approaching to becoming an alpha male, and therefore propagate the relevant recommendations. After all, maidens love a bad boy( maybe )~ ATAGEND.

Overall, human behaviour has many aspects that, working together, suggest that alpha males are a real thing.

Displays of strength and prowess are common in the wild. They rarely concern petroleum and present pockets, though … Photo: Pornchai Kittiwongsakul/ AFP/ Getty Images

The lawsuit against the human rights alpha male

The conclusion in the previous section highlights the main problem with the arguments for human alpha males; it focuses on supporting evidence, and dismiss that which denies it. Because while human do share a number of features and practices with our primate cousins, we are invariably far more complex.

People can belong to different hierarchies, for example; a person who is the most vocal, reigning party in his amateur football team might be under the heel of an aggressive boss during his era profession. Is he an alpha male, or not? It depends on situation, obviously. Humen have many different social groups and diversifying characters within them, because were more complex. A universal alpha seems unlikely.

Rather than relying on aggressive preeminence, humans are actually far more cooperative and social. Some evidence suggests that our friendliness and sociability is what became us so smart to begin with, so rather than being the top humans, you could argue that alpha males are something of an evolutionary throwback, the civilizational equivalent of an supplement; no longer expended, precisely hangs around and rarely fills everything with poison.

Supposed human alpha male practice also often doesnt coincide alpha male practice in other species. Numerous non-human alpha males also have a corresponding alpha female who exerts same levels of dominance and control, whereas human alpha males invariably have a little respectful position towards women, shall we say. Also, the fact that numerous communities of men( particularly online) are apparently convinced that they can all be alpha males is a contradiction in terms; there should only be one alpha male per parish, thats sort of the whole object. The rest should try and depose him as and when the opportunity presents itself, but until then they are, at best, beta males, a term often used as an revile by members of said community with no feel of paradox.

Its as if the idea of being an alpha male is very reassuring to those who scarcity confidence and are feared by the wider world and beings in it, so want to turn the tables.

This may be key. Theorized alpha males may ever get their practice not because of to some evolved bia in humen to respect and obey men who parade a particular place of peculiarities, as if beings were video games that respond to certain defraud systems, but simply because theyre creepy. If a large, shouty gentleman starts bellowing in your face, thats very unsettling, so people may do what he says to stop him from becoming violent, or only to construct him go forth. Said man would plainly perceive this as evidence for his own superiority.

Maybe the expected human alpha male is an association of disgruntled male wish fulfilment and borderline-pseudoscientific reasons for resorting to bully, coercion and generally all-round distressing practice by men hoping to impose their will on a world-wide they find too complex and unnerving so revert to their baser inclinations to get what they crave, despite knowing deep down they dont deserves it and shouldnt have it?

In fairness, alpha male is a lot more succinct.

Dean Burnetts debut book The Idiot Brain is available now in the UK , USA and Canada .

The post Do alpha males even exist? | Dean Burnett appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2ttN5gg via IFTTT

[apsbicepstraining]

Do alpha males even exist? | Dean Burnett

Dean Burnett: Donald Trump has repeatedly been described as an alpha male, but theres no technical have proven that such a thing even exists in humans

We all know what an alpha male is. An alpha male is a man who takes charge, one who enforces his will on others , not the other way round. Other mortals want to be him, females want to be with him. An alpha male intimidates, hes unquestionably in charge , no matter what developments in the situation. An alpha male is thunderous, sassy, doesnt care what anybody else makes. An alpha male says what he wants, does what he wants, wears what he requires, as long as those invests are roomy enough in the trousers to accommodate his gargantuan gonads and dont melt responding to all the testosterone constantly leaking from his pores.

Thats members of the general impression, anyway. But the notion that human servicemen can be alpha males is actually far from scientifically accepted. This may come as a surprise, given how common and pervasive the concept is. The latest example “wouldve been” Donald Trump in his presidential debates. People have labelled him an alpha male, Nigel Farage even protected Trumps obscene commentaries about ladies as alpha male boasting and likened him to a silverback gorilla, which for those very well known primate dissection is actually quite an revile. So what, scientifically, is particularly so for alpha males among humen? As ever, its reasonably complicated.

Alpha males are supposed to be good with the maids. Photo: Ron Cohn/ BBC

The parentage of the human alpha male

New York Magazine has a very informative and detailed section about this, but the take-home letter is that before the 1960 s there used to be scarcely any examples of humans being described as alpha males, the term be confined to environments like primatology research. Species like chimps and gorillas do have social organization and hierarchies with a prevailing individual at the top, frequently a male who has achieved that positon via parades of fortitude and physical prowess. The information that alpha males prevail isnt feuded, its whether humans can actually be such a thing.

The term started implemented at humans with the publication of Frans de Waals Chimpanzee Politics, which prepared direct likeness between human and chimp behaviour, including the dominant the behavior of males. It became more mainstream when used in the context of Al Gores presidential safarus.

It genuinely became accepted as something soldiers should want to be with the success of Neil Strausss The Game, based on readings he acquired from the Pick Up Artist community. This should trigger alarm bells for many; terms and methods acquired from Pick Up Master should be treated with extreme scepticism at the least. But, sex being the strong motivator that it is, the idea that being an alpha male aimed at improving your life and establish you more successful with women substantiated unbelievably cheating, so acceptance and use of the expression has now become the norm. But this doesnt necessitate its valid, just that its common.

Alpha males expect to get their own practice at all times, and often do. Why that happens is another matter. Image: Alvarez/ Getty Images

The action for the human rights alpha male

One reason that, despite a lack of concrete prove, the idea of the human rights alpha male is so compelling is that is makes a great deal of intuitive gumption. The big, raucous, foolhardy people who swagger and reign and bully have been part of our society for as long as its dwelt, so its nice to have a handy label for them if nothing else.

Its hard to deny that humans are exceedingly susceptible to the process of social reign; we exist in disproportionate hierarchies with inferior and superior individuals in virtually every context, so its not far-fetched is of the view that some gentlemen rise to the top of these hierarchies due to a mix of physical and psychological excellences( such as height, a deep singer, and so on ).

Humans are, for better or worse, quite easily influenced by displays of confidence, after all. And by behaving confident, followers could well find they get their practice more often, and thus be compelled to continue. A self-fulfilling revelation that advocates fake it til you make it is a valid approaching to becoming an alpha male, and therefore propagate the relevant recommendations. After all, maidens love a bad boy( maybe )~ ATAGEND.

Overall, human behaviour has many aspects that, working together, suggest that alpha males are a real thing.

Displays of strength and prowess are common in the wild. They rarely concern petroleum and present pockets, though … Photo: Pornchai Kittiwongsakul/ AFP/ Getty Images

The lawsuit against the human rights alpha male

The conclusion in the previous section highlights the main problem with the arguments for human alpha males; it focuses on supporting evidence, and dismiss that which denies it. Because while human do share a number of features and practices with our primate cousins, we are invariably far more complex.

People can belong to different hierarchies, for example; a person who is the most vocal, reigning party in his amateur football team might be under the heel of an aggressive boss during his era profession. Is he an alpha male, or not? It depends on situation, obviously. Humen have many different social groups and diversifying characters within them, because were more complex. A universal alpha seems unlikely.

Rather than relying on aggressive preeminence, humans are actually far more cooperative and social. Some evidence suggests that our friendliness and sociability is what became us so smart to begin with, so rather than being the top humans, you could argue that alpha males are something of an evolutionary throwback, the civilizational equivalent of an supplement; no longer expended, precisely hangs around and rarely fills everything with poison.

Supposed human alpha male practice also often doesnt coincide alpha male practice in other species. Numerous non-human alpha males also have a corresponding alpha female who exerts same levels of dominance and control, whereas human alpha males invariably have a little respectful position towards women, shall we say. Also, the fact that numerous communities of men( particularly online) are apparently convinced that they can all be alpha males is a contradiction in terms; there should only be one alpha male per parish, thats sort of the whole object. The rest should try and depose him as and when the opportunity presents itself, but until then they are, at best, beta males, a term often used as an revile by members of said community with no feel of paradox.

Its as if the idea of being an alpha male is very reassuring to those who scarcity confidence and are feared by the wider world and beings in it, so want to turn the tables.

This may be key. Theorized alpha males may ever get their practice not because of to some evolved bia in humen to respect and obey men who parade a particular place of peculiarities, as if beings were video games that respond to certain defraud systems, but simply because theyre creepy. If a large, shouty gentleman starts bellowing in your face, thats very unsettling, so people may do what he says to stop him from becoming violent, or only to construct him go forth. Said man would plainly perceive this as evidence for his own superiority.

Maybe the expected human alpha male is an association of disgruntled male wish fulfilment and borderline-pseudoscientific reasons for resorting to bully, coercion and generally all-round distressing practice by men hoping to impose their will on a world-wide they find too complex and unnerving so revert to their baser inclinations to get what they crave, despite knowing deep down they dont deserves it and shouldnt have it?

In fairness, alpha male is a lot more succinct.

Dean Burnetts debut book The Idiot Brain is available now in the UK , USA and Canada .

The post Do alpha males even exist? | Dean Burnett appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2ttN5gg via IFTTT