#which i guess could work? but im not sure...
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ok arcane s1 act 1 misc thoughts (SPOILERS)
-i like that a lot of the rich characters (cait's family, some council members) have transatlantic accents. i didnt really notice at first but upon rewatch of ep 2 it was super apparent and i love it
-i never got super into vander's character bc by the end of ep 1 i was like Yeah this guy is super dead. the 2 other kids who died as well (never even learned their names lol). also there was a lot more vander + silco than i thought there would be? like they laid it all out at once. i kind of knew they knew each other in the past from fandom osmosis but i expected it to be more of a slow burn reveal i guess
-im interested to see what the show does with ekko specifically. i know he becomes more prominent later on AND has stuff going on with jinx/powder, which i was honestly expecting them to set up more? like have them be friends or like talk to each other once lol. anyway he was pretty minor thus far so im intrigued in what they're gonna do with him
-i know vi goes to prison after this, but the guard who chloroformed her seemed to be trying to save her??? so i have no idea what's happening actually
-i knew silco was gonna adopt powder but i was honestly expecting it to be more? calculated? on his part? like he finds out powder was the one who blew up the building, and is like ooooh new talent. hey kid. do you want to join my gang of evil drug warlocks. but nope he genuinely reached out to her in a moment of grief against his better judgement. kind of a baller move mr. lesbian i respect that
-also powders eyes turned purple for emotional reasons and not magic drug reasons? cool. didnt know peoplw could do that
-Heimerdinger War Flashback last episode was kind of really funny im sorry i cant take this guy seriously. but i also got distracted because there were horses in the flashback and for some reason that surprised me? it did not occur to me that horses exist in the arcane universe. they just don't fit the vibe. also this guy is transparently what if yoda were lorax
-also i wanna know how the fuck jayce and his mom and the wizard (viktor probably) got to piltover after all that in the flashback. did the wizard summon a honda civic to drive them home or what. also, what were they doing there??
-and jayce keeps saying "magic real. ive seen it" but refusing to elaborate??? if i got saved by a wizard who warped space and time then gave me a cool rock i would make it my personality. which i guess he kind of did but you'd think he'd be telling people about it more. maybe he thinks people won't believe him? silly jayce. magic tech isnt real. you escaped the siberian tundra through the power of science. athiests on christmas waiting for charles darwin to come down the chimney etc
-i cant tell if mel is just one councilmember and not like above all the others OR straight up the president or whatever? she clearly has influence but i cant tell if she's everyone elses boss or not. maybe they said something about that in dialogue and i missed it. also is piltover an oligarchy or do they inherit their council positions or what? somehow i don't feel like normal democracy is on the table here
-what is it exactly jayce (and viktor) were trying to do WITH the magic? this always bugs me in tv shows when they just say "im working on some Science Tech Inventions" and dont elaborate on what those inventions are. are the magic balls a source of infinite renewable energy??? please tell me what you're actually doing with the sparkly zero-g machine
-vander's dying words being "protect powder" and vi immediately doing the opposite of that is crazyyyyy sure hope that doesnt haunt her for the rest of her life lol
-was genuinely distracted by the cool ass crab logo on the abandoned building. that was sick as hell. i love crabs
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base princess: normal types
razor: steel types
adversary: fighting types
witch: grass types
nightmare: dark types
spectre: ghost types
tower: psychic types
damsel: fairy types
prisoner: rock types
beast: bug types??
stranger: ??? (flying types maybe...)
tsm gets anything she wants ever. shes above type-themed teams but poor type coverage across the moves. uses legendaries . grins
quiet: dragon types (lol)
hero: normal types
cheated: rock types
stubborn: fighting types
opportunist: bug types
paranoid: psychic types
cold: ice types (lol)
broken: poison types
smitten: fairy types?
skeptic: ground types
hunted: grass types
contrarian: flying types
tlq: still uses themed teams but alternates between them. AWFUL type coverage pkmn wise but somehow manages with different moves. uses the complimentary legendaries to tsm
the narrator: doesnt have a team. instead has like a single flying type or something. or a single mythical that he is working w that doesnt know how to feel abt what theyre enabling
#slay the princess#i do also like to imagine a more themed team that has less to do w type associations#and more on individual pkmn matching a character#but its fun to imagine what types theyd gravitate towards anyway#and it takes WAY less time to think up#but i probably will try later#also didnt include ch3s but i think theyd buld off the ch2 vessel team types#like burned grey is fire/fairy and drowned grey is water/rock#wraith is ghost/dark. fury is fighting/psychic#but i think the like. ch3s that r more exclusive generally take the ch2 and build on it#its the shared ch3s that get combined#although the occasional combination of typings would still be fun for like. den or smth#maybe the types start to include the complimentary voices types?#i almost made smitten fire but im not sure... itd force skeptic to be water#which i guess could work? but im not sure...
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forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.
ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol
#it was a weird class#it was just this russian lady doing private lessons in her house that my mom learned about somehow#I did NOT like those classes all we did was still life and they were hours long which is esp rough when im in high school and busy#and she wanted us to stand while working the whole time bc tradition i guess?#she did allow me to work sitting but thought i was lazy for it. idk dude i dont want to exhaust myself fast for no reason#standing is a lot more tiring than walking#i def did still benefit from those classes just from learning to accurately draw from life#did not like the teacher tho#on one hand shed paid for the art supplies for kids whos families were too poor to (and these are nice expensive supplies)#which is very nice#but on the other she was very homophobic and open about it#like when they legalized gay marriage she went on a rant about how horrible it is that they can adopt kids now#and also kind of racist#she was telling me how she got blocked from a facebook group bc she made a post asking if she could speak to a white person#and she didnt realize she was posting that publicly she thought it was a private message to the group owner#im honestly still not sure i heard/understood her correctly bc it was so bizzare and the only time i ever remember her being racist#she talked abt it like she genuienly was unaware it was racist#she described it as a misunderstanding bc she accidentally posted it publicly instead of privately#like it wouldnt have been racist to ask that at all#also one time she talked about how she saw demons in her home once#also she doesnt vaccinate her kids bc of microchips#she was like a walking russian stereotype lol#anyway heres some ink the artist lore
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hello :D please tell me more about your mezalian (is that how you spell it??) smalletho I will forever be indebted to you
(they are gorgeous I love them sm)
hey hi !! it would be my pleasure ā¦ (and Iāve been spelling it mezalean ??? but i have no idea LOL. there might be a canon spelling but i havent watched joels esmp1 sinceā¦ probably since it ended. i will have to check sometime)
apologizing in advance because i will probably get very ramble-y!!
ummm. Oh god. How to start. Lets see. WELL. In this silly little au (i guess it has become a bit more than just me doodling designs LOL) in my head they have like this sort of zelink dynamic? obviously without all the zelda lore & stuff, just that kind of ā¦ okay forgive me I havenāt brushed up on my zelink lore for a good many years but. Like the princess and her personal knight that doesnāt really talk much sort of thing.
this made more sense in my head. But yeah. They have the vibes of zelink ? At least if i remember zelink right, I have a really bad memory :ā) not exactly the same, i do think etho talks to joel (whereas if iirc link never really talks) - especially after getting to know him a bit - but just. they have the Vibes. You know?
I reckon Joelās definitely very into sculpting in this au, maybe dabbles a little in painting - I imagine mezalea to be very heavy on art and expression in general. think youād especially see lots of pottery and textiles all around the place. He probably also has an interest in some form of like. um. whats the word. Some sort of ā¦ fighting. lmao. Specifically thinking of fencing, i had this idea in my head that heās watched Etho practice outside the palace at some point and is just absolutely fascinated and enamored. by both the practice and etho himself haha.
and for ethoā¦ talented swordsman? he is Not washed. i dont really have many ideas for his character in this au To be completely honest, mostly just of his personality. Although, I alsooo think heās probably not actually from mezalea? I like to draw him with those pointy elf ears, and i think mezaleans are just humans. I cant remember if thats canon or not but um. mezaleans have human ears, so iād imagine ethoās probably from like.. rivendelle? Is that. What itās called. The elf guys? Are they elves??? Goodness I cant remember. Grimlands would make sense too since i THINK theyāre kind of like. technical engineer guys? but i dont know what species they are um so ,,, yeah,,,,
i think joelās probably a bit put off by etho at first, mostly just because heās not super enthused about the idea of a personal guard, but also because the guys a bit odd, you know? but heās also probably suuuper intrigued by him. he wants to figure this new guy out, and when they start talking a bit more, i think. They are both incredibly charmed by the other. head over heels? possibly.
most of my ideas of this au are just little scenes that are cute and silly but dont follow any main plot. I would love to write some one-shots of some of the ideas i have in the future, but as of right now im experiencing a bout of creative burnout and am busy with the holidays - spending time with family, soā¦ not right now lol!
hopefully this is what you wanted,,,, i tend to get very ramble-y when talking about literally anything, so i do apologize for that haha, i am Not good at explaining things in simple ways, as iāve said many a time before.
#sphynx asks!#sphynx rambles#i guess iāll tag this as#smalletho#and#trafficshipping#for filtering#when explaining my thoughts on smalletho (or any ship for that matter) i always feel the need to clarify that um#being someone on the aroace + probably aplatonic spectrum#i always put a bit of that into my headcanon of characters#like in my brain they are never sexually attracted to each other or anyone else#and the relationships arenāt ever easily describable. they just exist as they are without a label.#maybe they kiss maybe they like each other but i never put them in any sort of established romantic relationship in my head#it Is my desire for connection and intimacy without the ārulesā and lines between platonic and romantic attraction making itself known#because i donāt really. feel. either? I want to love someone but i am not sure what love entails. and iād reckon that probably shows LOL#dude i could go on and on about how being aroace feels for me and how i project that onto characters. its honestly. fascinating to me lmao?#i find the topic of love and attraction and friendship and connection and intimacy just incredibly interesting as a whole though LOL#sometimes i feel like some alien (not in a bad way!! ..most of the time) looking in on human life likeā¦ how very curious this is! wow!#Honestly i could probably talk about anything for hours. i just really like thinking about things and sharing my thoughts#unfortunately im also terrified of sharing those thoughts and being perceived in general ! social anxiety at its finest here!#i spent the whole day working on this answer lmao. which really shows just how much i struggle putting things into words#and then POSTING those words? i have to reread what ive written a billion times to make sure i donāt sound stupid or insane#and even then i still worry. so at this point its just become.. post and dont look at tumblr for the next while to let the anxiety subside#anyway um.! Yeah.#im going to sleep now. Thumbs up.
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New game interest unlocked
(crow in bottom right belongs to @patchwork-crow-writes)
#ramarl#phantasy star online#long tag warning lol i rambled#so i was introduced to phantasy star online#i think its safe to say i really enjoy the game#thank you mr crow for showing me this game :D i have new creatures to scribble now#there shall be more of these doodles#i promise you that#meant to post this wayyyyy earlier today but uh#my car broke down :') ....again :')#last week it wouldn't turn on and the headlights weren't working so we were like ''ok this is a battery issue and i need a new one''#because jumping the car didnt fix it#so we took my old battery to a shop and they tested its charge before showing us which new one we should get#but the battery had charge???????? so we went back home to troubleshoot#and then found the hooks(?idk what they're called) that connected the battery to the car had something corroded on them#so we grabbed a can of coke and scrubbed away#hooked the battery back up and bam car was working#so the issue was those hooks#until two days ago when my car didnt work again#looked at the battery again and the hooks came loose; tightened them up and bam car working again#and now at this point I'm scared to go anywhere cause what if i get stranded on my own??#so this morning i said ''alright I'm gonna drive myself to church just to be sure that my car works''#AND WOULD YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENED#at this point i just wish the damn battery was dead and that i could replace it and move on from this#i know they're a bit pricey but jesus this is exhausting#but i can't just buy a new battery if im not sure that's the actual problem because then I'd have a battery and nothing to do with it#i hate having a car sometimes i just want a bus system#or a jeep#but preferably a bus system#sorry rambles thats a long way of saying i didnt post this earlier because ive been working on my car lol
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whaaat. im making art with a background
#obv this is still a sketch#not happy with sol's pose but i just needed something temporary so i could draw the background around them#might move em to the right or remove the faceless and stick em on the left#we shall see#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwate#iwate sol#sol#does this count as spoilers??#i guess it is for that one ending#which was actually my first ending#im almost done with my 4th playthrough and im pretty sure im gonna get the roboticist ending this time#im hoping i dont have to date tangent to get her on the main screen#it worked for tammy so im sure it'll be fine#i like tangent dont get me wrong but she is one of those characters that i dont really feel the need to explore her romance#tbh dys is also one of those characters for me but i did it to try and get the poly with sym and fucked it up#cal tammy sym and nomi nomi are my fav characters#i still have like. half the cast unmet tho#idk who any of those are#also how TF do i get the shield calibration codes#i somehow got them on the switch but for the LIFE of me i cannot remember how to get them again#anyways. long tags#iwate spoilers#i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers#digital art#fan art#art#sketch#wip#work in progress
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my idiot uncle is getting dragged into another get rich quick scheme again. this time he's paying for a course to learn how to set up ai agents. what for?
well he thinks it's a great business opportunity!
i'm gonna ramble in the tags for a bit.
#ignoring the ai part he has nothing to incorporate it into nor does he know the first thing about potentially doing that#like. he has no product or service that can benefit from it. and im not even sure he even knows what a json is#he's been doing this for... 20 years???#first it was that grocery store he set up on the road to the mountains that only ever sees any people during summer#then it was the wildly illegal slot machines of which half got confiscated and the other half is still collecting dust in the old house#then he did a soldering course. never did any soldering work afterwards#then it was my deceased uncle's truck that he was 100% going to use to work. it's abandoned in the farm house.#then it was my deceased uncle's audio equipment that he was 1000% going to use so we were asked not to sell it. abandoned in the old house.#then it was the electronics shop of which there were already a lot in town and they all cannibalised each other so it lasted five months#then he wanted to sell butane gas. he does not have a building suitable for storing butane gas so he could not get a license for it#then it was that thing he bought that could change the odometres of cars to lower the distance traveled. no demand for that one.#then he stared saying that he was going take out the gold copper and lead out of electronics and sell it#there is a room full of old computers and parts in the old house. untouched. a fire hazard.#then he got into an online ponzi scheme. the kind you put a little bit of money in and you get to take a little more#and then you put a large sum in and they fuck you over#oh and he got both into nft and crypto as well. got rug pulled in both.#and these are only the ones we know of because he bragged about them. his wife says there are a lot more we don't know about#i think the issue is that when he was 18 he got lucky with his first business (that my grandpa paid for in full)#that one made a lot of money but it was a fad. think cyber cafƩs. that kind of thing. gone by the time tech got more affordable.#he blew up the money on random shit at the time and he's been trying to replicate that success since#but the thing is that back then he was just lucky that he got in early#he does not have a business sense he is not an insider in anything nor is he good with money but he is convinced that he is#he has been hurting ALL of our finances for decades because we keep rescuing him out of pity for his kids#and im sick of it. i cannot wait for the youngest to turn 18.#it's almost funny because every once in a while mum grandpa and i have a moment where one of us goes#'hey guess what [uncle] is trying to get into now'#and it's a bonding moment. we bond over being so tired of his shit.#he is the glue that keeps us together
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ideal ggy reveal for me right now is some sort of game whatever format theyd use (for example sb vs hw is very different storytelling) about vanny killing dr rabbit and it leads up to the beginning of sb at the end
#like more vanny shows rab in a game therefore making ggy canon for sure explains why gregory was in the pizzaplex#would show one of the stepping stones vanny took to get to glitchtrap to kill him like she killed rab#it just makes sense to me#also works for vanny cassie#since rab will be no threat since hes dead so vanny has the spotlight#and gregory with his connection to cassie feels guilt over letting the same thing that happned to him and his family happen to her#so now he feels responsible to help her#leading to a game with gregory protag and vanessa and freddy co-protag/guides#im just explaining the secret little future fnaf game storyline im hoping for in my head#i just feel like if vanny cassie is real#which it RLLY seems like it is after hw2#revealing ggy before some sort of action would be taken would mean a lot#for gregory and cassies relationship#he would uave been in her boat and feel guilt for not being fast enough to save her from tbe same fate#i know vanessa would work better because she was vanny but she has no connection or friendship with cassie like gregory does#and it gives ggy some importance too#that is kinda more to serve the cassie plot than to make ggy more important or overshadowing vanny#not that ggy could overshadow vanny if vanny cassie is happening lol#pandas.txt#thoughts#theory#kinda#im just being hopeful#by hw2s dlc things will be so different#its so impossible to guess whatll happen in a fnaf game#and what will change#superstar duo#ggy#this is ALSO heavily based on a theory of mine that vanny killed rab @ the beginning of sb and thats why greg was at the pizzaplex#and how he got freed and why rab is nowhere to be found
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Didn't expect the year of our Lord 2025 to get into Alan Rickman, but I guess that's how it goes sometimes
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The year of getting into an actor that so far I have only seen portray maladjusted men
#mctalks#alan rickman#really only had watched Die Hard and the HP movies the series being just something i watched as a kid and Die Hard being more recent as of#like the 2020s but rewatched Die Hard last year and my interest of Hans spiked cause to be real 80s-90s Alan could get it respectfully#also Alan is a good actor actually so yeah gonna check out more of his movies#watched Quigley Down Under like last Tuesday and The January Man last night#beating the shit out of elliott marston as a way to fix him and giving a lil smooch and a decent meal to Ed the Painter#next goal is to watch the robin hood movie cause his looks do be serving in the promo images i see#uhh ranking of those alan movies i guess will come later but so far from best to worst#die hard quigley down under and the january man#not ranking the hp movies cause one its been like maybe about 6 or 7 years since ive seen them so idk how well they aged#i mean i know im not gonna like them purely for reasons associated with jk rowling obviously#im sure ill like Alans performace tho if or when i do watch them again#that and also the main three in the hp movies too thank god they came out normal#also did not realize how much of a culture alan had on tumblr like it might be the only time ive seen an actor tagged in the work#that they do? like other fandoms for movies and tv shows i dont see the actors tagged in as much but Alan hes literally tagged#with everything which idk if that stems from his impact on harry potter or what#i mean thats likely what it is plus the passing im sure#so like i guess when i make art pieces ill tag him too? just so more people see it cause generally it seems like people really appreciate#his work and the movies hes in#anyway thats it for my ramblings lol its late as i rig#anyway thats all for my ramblings lol#i will say its amazing how in all three of these picturea i used he looks different in all of them even though two movies were released#in the same year and the other only two years later
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even if i was all caught up on cr i dont think id be watching the ep tonight. still not even at the 2 hour mark in the fhjy ep for various reasons but mostly cuz i got trapped scrolling pinterest and sketching ideas for fig/ayda inspired earrings. that meteor shower has taken my attention hostage istg
#i wanted to do it today but i was too busy and im also fighting drowsiness#idk if the motivation will still be there tomorrow after errands but i sure hope so#i have like. a wire wrapped related idea which is something i rarely fuss with so#im anticipating frustration when i do work on it but i have ideas that i think are simple enough#also only vaguely know if i have beads that suit them lol could totally open my stuff and find nothing that fits#we'll see i guess#if not earrings then it will be a tiny thing to hang up somewhere like on a rearview mirror#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy spoilers#fhjy#sea rambles
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I wish I could tell every young person with a uterus (especially with bad cramps and/or dysphoria and/or depression, etc) that there is a decent chance they just straight up donāt need to live with that. donāt let the stigma surrounding contraceptives and the expectation that you should just ride it out and suffer win. for the love of god if thereās a chance you can lighten or even stop your period and itās symptoms all-together, unless thereās a legit health concern, your doctor should at least make you aware of that option. I want every young person to know that ābirth controlā is not just for birth control and it has the potential to make your life infinitely easier to live. do not give in to anti-pill propaganda im serious
#kibumblabs#I remember being in late high school and my doctor suggesting it because of how terrible my dysphoria/related depressive episodes related to#menstrual cycle shit is. and like. im not saying it was a flawless transition but good god im serious it changed my fucking life#not to the extent testosterone would but it was still like. a Big Deal#because I was like. what the fuck. Iāve been suffering through this shit for years. and no one told me this was a thing? weāre all just#expected to suffer? because itās āNormalā????#this whole time I could just. turn the bleeding off. or at least Down. turn off the debilitating breast soreness and swelling. etc.#anyway im not sure why im thinking about this but#i guess every time i hear someone (without any known health issues thatād interfere) like ah time for my monthly Week Of Pain And Misery#i want to shake them by the shoulders like. YOU DONT NEED TO LIVE LIKE THIS. PLEASE I JUST WANT YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS.#and yes i know it doesnāt work for everyone or sometimes thereās side effects that make it not worth it or what have you#but for a huge huge huge amount of people. they just donāt know itās an option. because itās labelled Birth Control. and because thereās#this long-standing quiet fear mongering about it that makes it seem more dangerous and sinister and promiscuous than it is#similar in a lot of ways to other stigmatized hormone treatments. like. well. you know#doesnāt help that when you first get your prescription it comes with the worlds biggest list of Potential Issues (most of which are either#minor temporary or unlikely)#grahhghhhhhhhhh anyway. on a seperate but related note shout out to my fellow tboys who either didnāt have their periods totally stop on t#or (like in my case) they came back after like Years for whatever reason and that had to be dealt with via supplementary contraceptives#cw menstruation
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do you guys remember this. because it lives rent free in my brain every single day. this is still some of the funniest shit I have ever seen. like what do you mean no šš
#shadow and bone#sab discourse#alskjdfls i guess XDD#do you ever read something youre sure is satire but it turns out to be serious im alskjdflks#grishaverse#anti darkling bs#aleksander morovoza#darklina#the darkling#godddd anti posts have turned right around into humorous territory at this point#its like free comedy#this is the post that claims one of his worst crimes is 'killing many families' and 'forcing alina to like him'#which is objectively some of the funniest analysis i have ever read in my entire life#i actually like his character and i could do a better breakdown of what ACTUALLY makes him a terrible person#this is crazy#i could do the job of 90 percent of antis better than them#fandomcourse#myramblings#and my first talking point would be how his beauty is textually posited to be a working factor of his manipulation and so cannot be denied#as a fact#unless you wish to make the point that lbs manipulation was lacking (which it is)#or#that the mentions of his looks can be attributed to something else#my second talking point would be about how manipulation ACTUALLY worked in the darklina relationship#because believe it or not for a bunch of people who have this as their main talking point#they never actuallyā¦ hit on the point#or even anywhere near it#which I suppose makes sense for a bunch of people who think lbs writing of the darklings manipulation was actually good#and that his character was subversive (lol)#negative
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GUYS.
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New dupe real! Also new pod????? Olivia is that you girlie speak to me
#rat rambles#oxygen not included#screenshots are from the steam page#there is ofc a Lot to unpack here gameplay wise and Im guessing some things will be tweaked design wise but Im lore pilled so.#anyways Im not sure how I feel abt this dupe's design but I will still welcome them with open arms hello#but more important here to me is the pod#because erm. thats a very very different looking pod.#I dont wanna jump to any conclusions or speculate too hard because chances are its just olivia getting new drip#but like. what if its not. what if this is like a new new printing pod#I assume that if it is a new pod then olivia will like be able to connect with it somehow but idk#because it rly depends on how ambitious theyd wanna be with this dlc given that to rly make a new pod thats super not olivia theyd have to#do a lot of work to make that change prevelant in the rest of the gameplay#now chances are if it is a new pod its one that doesn't have a human consciousness inside it#even if it was there rly arent many options for who it could be and no good options from a narrative standpoint#now this pod looks quite gutted so maybe it is just a normal printing pod that got kicked back online when olivia sent some guys to kick it#now heres the most negative thing Ill say abt these screenshots. the fox critters are rly ugly imo#I like the bunny guys tho WAUTWIATSWAUT WAIT#ARE THEY THE SAME SPECIES AS THE ANCIENT SPECIMEN SKELETON?#I dont think they line uo perfectly if I remember correctly but the big one has the same tusks and is also yknow big and fat like the#specimen is described to be in tbe story trait logs#Im willing to bet so much that theyre at least related in some way#maybe the one that was initially sent back in time was used as a basis for these guys or smth#my main reason for saying this is that I have to imagine these guys have to have some other purpose than being data storage#its seems that you can shave their coats which is probably the main thing but I imagine they probably drop a good amount of meat too#also important to note that they are grazers which is good to know#also I think the upside down plant is going to be this planet's muckroot equivalent#oh and for the fox deer I assume theyll be farmed for their antlers which will probably shed wood or smth#not a clue what the new plants will do but idrc#Ill care abt the gameplay after I get my new lore <3
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i don't have friends bc im too scared of rejection to even try tbh. cause id reject me if i tried to chat me up friendship style, who wouldnt?
#im not a person. yknow? so like. who would even wanna deal with me?#idk. feelin lonely#ive been off since sunday and was supposed to work tomorrow.but they called like#'hey. wanna take tomorrow off too?'#and i said yeah why not but i maybe shouldnt have#bc thats mostly how i get my human interaction bc im sad and pathetic you see#and im kind of going stir crazy and i guess i could head somewhere tomorrow bu#idk. shit would be easier if i had Friends i guess#its weird bc i did a-ok during the lockdowns back when#bc ive long been a homebody#now im bored out of my skull after a couple days off#and ansty from low human contact outside of family#which if its happened before ive never noticed#like i get all woe is me im lonely and friendless thats whatever#but ive never been like... impatient? to get back among people???#and bored of seclusion?#its all very odd#but then when i do get back out there im sure im inevitably gonna get sad about the whole#'separate from humanity and incapable of making connection because fear and being an offputting loser'#so..... who fucking knows whats actually up#not me#to the void with love
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#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately#just like I texted my friend Iāll tell you guys the same#havenāt been talking to a lot of people lately tbh#pretty sure Iāve mentioned php a few times by now#monday was my last day#and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday#I donāt remember the last time I was so genuinely happy#figured it was the med change or something#so I was feeling pretty optimistic#Iām in between programs now#and today was not the best#not as bad as some of my days#but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday#I just wish I could feel that every single day#Iām working on it but still#waiting to start āadult day treatmentā and case management#and I think case management will help me find a place??? Iām not sure exactly but thatās kinda what I was getting#which honestly? I know Iāve bitched about how badly I need to move#but while I was in php I realized I donāt think Iāll truly be able to heal while Iām living hereā¦ and thatās a scary thought#idk thereās a lot more deeper things that I donāt wanna talk about#but the fact I donāt have space and I donāt feel safe and comfortable here is hardā¦.#my āsafeā space was my car but now that Iām trying to quit smoking my car isnāt the best place for me#Iāve been kinda getting used to my room and Iām finally trying to move a few things around#(now that I have a little energy again)#itās justā¦ā¦. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here#in the past week I donāt even know how many spiders Iāve seen and killed#they havenāt been crazy and I recognize I donāt live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars#I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room ššš tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got itā¦ā¦..#so guess im sleeping on the couchā¦.. againā¦. but canāt help think if out here is any betterā¦#shut up rosie
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thereās genuinely nothing worse than being a grown man who canāt drive i need to learn to drive. this is Not sustainable
#rambling#like im a college student texting my mom oh can you drive me to a show on saturday#adn then she CANāT and like then i have to ask my friends#that or i have to walk a mile and a half to the bus stop anf then take a bus into town an hour early which is like i guess kinda doable but#but i get really stressed out on that bus because of the anxiety#and then also thereās no bus that goes back so like what am i gonna do am i gonna walk the 6 miles back home?#walk 6 miles at 11pm? get home at like 1:30am or whatever?#i donāt THINK SO!!#6 mile hike sure 6 miles on the road at midnight absolutely not#so like then i have to go ask my friends ohh can your parents give me a ride which im not gonna do that i hate doing that#i donāt want to put work on my friends parents shoulders. if my friend were driving sure because weāre chill. but im not gonna make someoneā#someoneās paretns drive out and pick me up or like i guess i could maybe but i donāt want tooooo#so then i just like canāt go places itās fucked up
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