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planetdream · 5 days ago

Text

striped carnations.

characters. hwang hyunjin, reader, lee minho + special guests

genre. angst, flower shop!au. words. 5.6k

synopsis. upon hearing the news that your boyfriend is going to propose to you, hyunjin realizes that he's had feelings for you all along

fic contents: hyunjin is both a chronic overthinker and a hopeless romantic. needless pining. angst. heartbreak. talks of marriage and relationships. suggestive content: hookups; heavy make out + implied drunk sex.

💌 if you think you've seen this before, it's because you have! I deleted it like a month ago lmao....but here it is again <3

Hwang Hyunjin has always been a big fan of flowers. A flower can describe the emotions behind every pivotal moment in one’s lifetime—a wedding, a funeral, graduation, or a life-changing event—though not limited to only those situations; Hyunjin's love for, and belief in flowers reaches across all occasions and sentiments. His admiration of flowers as a whole goes beyond the smell, or how visually pleasing and/or vibrant in color they look. Flowers allow him to express feelings that he feels words simply cannot—even if no one else around him understands it in the way he does. Hyunjin loves flowers because of the stories you can tell with them, and thus, he chooses to document his life with flowers.

As a small child, Hyunjin would pick flowers at the park for his mother; or one of his various personal art projects. A bundle of flowers bunched up in his tiny little hands as he ran to his mother with the widest, dimpled grin he could make. To his mother, the flowers are a sweet sentiment of his admiration towards the woman raising him. However, to Hyunjin they meant so much more than that—a physical manifestation of a deep awareness that he couldn’t find the words to explain until he matured as a person. This habit of gifting flowers out of pure emotion was probably the one constant in his life other than the crushing weight of heartbreak.

Heartbreak is much like flowers. It has so many different colors and feels, it takes on a multitude of shapes and smells—and it is pretty easy to romanticize.

When Hyunjin was in kindergarten, he gifted a daisy to a girl he had a small crush on. She ended up stomping on them, but that didn’t stop little Hyunjin from pining after her. The tradition of Hyunjin picking flowers as a romantic gesture continued in a slightly different way as he got older, and the helpless pining after something unattainable never stopped. Coincidentally, a few of his exes are named after flowers—the unfortunate downside of that is that it still pains him to look at whatever flower the ex had been named after, even if they ended the relationship on good terms.

These are some moments and beliefs that have shaped Hyunjin—and his future.

In the second to last year of his high school career, Hyunjin began working at a flower shop close to his childhood home. Morning Glory Floral—located between a convenience store and a bookstore (both of which are frequented by Hyunjin)—is a tiny little flower shop that Hyunjin knows like the back of his hand. He’d originally started out as a cashier and order taker until he eventually worked his way up to being one of three floral designers at the shop.

He typically runs the shop most days of the week, opening in the early morning and closing in the late afternoon unless he happens to work Thursday, Friday, or Saturday—on those days the store is open until 7PM. Hyunjin usually arrives an hour, or sometimes two, before the shop opens just to get a headstart on things. He prints out invoices, splitting the orders between their type—local, domestic/international; additionally divided between funeral, wedding, and those non-applicable—as well as making sure pre-made flower arrangements are ready for pickup. The shop is fairly busy on a normal day (although that typically comes down to season), therefore, a lot of Hyunjin’s time during the day is making sure things are running smoothly and without delay.

Floral design is an art. One of the many forms of art and creative expression that Hyunjin excels within. In his mind, floral design can easily be compared to architecture or interior design (both Hyunjin contemplated as career options). The vase is the foundation—who or what is this flower arrangement for? What color helps express the emotions behind the arrangement? Then—what flowers should be used (if the customer doesn’t have a request)? What should be the focal flower that grabs people's attention? Do the flowers chosen represent the overall message? Which filler flowers and greenery should be used? The shape of the arrangement matters too. As do a lot of other minuscule details.

The details are important to him. Making sure the customer is satisfied with his creation is easy, hardly anything to worry about, but making sure that he’s satisfied with the work he’s done is an entirely different thing. A simple glance at Hyunjin creating a flower arrangement and it doesn’t seem like it takes too much time or energy. He moves in fluid movements, placing one flower after the other, a blank expression on his face. In reality, it’s a time-consuming process and it takes a lot of thought and precision to create the arrangements he does. Still, his hard work pays off greatly. He didn’t know he’d be where he is today, but he’s great at what he does—which is why people always come back.

His favorite floral arrangements to make are the ones that have to do with romantic love—a date, wedding, or anniversary—since Hyunjin feels it gives him a lot more freedom for creative expression. Like floral design, love is of significant importance to Hyunjin, especially romantic love. Seeing people express their love and admiration for each other via flowers is beautiful to him, as he is a hopeless romantic after all.

A small order of carnations arrived at the shop one morning. Unmarked and not on any receipt nor written in any book. Carnations are typically cut flowers (as in, used for decorative purposes), so consequently, it’s not unlikely for the shop to have extra, especially since Felix, one of the other floral designers, loves to use them for arrangements. The flowers catch Hyunjin’s eye in particular, not only because they’re striped carnations, but because there are three of them, obviously not enough to do much with unless for a small arrangement.

Felix, as full of knowledge as he is, once explained to Hyunjin that during the Victorian era, carnations were used to speak very straightforwardly. Unlike other flowers that have many different, complicated, and often overlapping meanings, carnations could be used to respond to something—like a love proposal. If one was asking another for their hand in marriage, the recipient of the proposal may respond with a yes by giving the proposer a solid color carnation, such as pink, white, or even red; however, the yellow carnations mean no. Striped carnations generally mean a refusal of love, almost regrettably so. I love you, but I cannot be with you. A message that Hyunjin is more than familiar with.

Perhaps it’s an omen. A sign that he’s going to fall headfirst into another relationship resulting in yet another heartbreak. A sign that if he falls for someone again, he may not get back up this time. Hyunjin often wonders if fate is real—he knows it is, he can feel that it's real—but has he been fated to fall in love over and over again just to reach the same emotionally catastrophic end that he always does? Maybe he did something in a past life that would warrant this anguish.

He shakes the thought from his mind, for the time being, choosing instead to blissfully and ignorantly fall victim to his subconscious. He won’t admit it out loud, and when the thought arises, he pushes it out of his mind in embarrassment, but Hyunjin loves the feeling of heartbreak. It stings. In both the worst way and the best way. And while he genuinely does hate heartbreak, it’s almost like he’s addicted to it.

And then the bell of the door rings, signaling to Hyunjin that there’s a new customer. He looks up from behind the counter and his eyes meet Lee Minho, your boyfriend.

You and Hyunjin had met in the fourth grade. It can only be described now, all of these years later, as an instantaneous click. You both felt comfortable with each other and eventually opted to do everything together, very soon becoming the best of friends. From grade school to adulthood, you’ve kept a secure friendship. Confiding in each other about everything—when one of you is low, the other is sure to pick them up.

There’s a sheepish smile on Minho’s face as he approaches the counter. The expression takes Hyunjin aback. The smile is surprising because Hyunjin swears that the older man typically has a permanent scowl on his face. Hyunjin greets him, giving a small smile and a wave.

“Need flowers for a date?” Hyunjin asks, fixing his standing posture.

“For something better actually,” Minho’s smile grows wider, as if he cannot contain it. Hyunjin thinks this might be the biggest smile he’s ever seen across Minho’s face. Minho places his hands onto the cold surface of the counter, lightly tapping in it. “I’m proposing this weekend.”

Hyunjin’s jaw drops in awe. Never had he thought Minho was a man interested in marriage. Not only that, this means he’d be losing his best friend to married life. Next thing he knows, you’ll start having kids! His mind begins to race around, unforgiving.

When Hyunjin the two of you were younger, you and Hyunjin would talk about your hopes and aspirations for the future. Of course, the topic of marriage and creating a family entered the conversation. You expressed that when you truly love someone, there’s no need to get the law involved for a piece of paper. Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh, he felt that your reasoning was a bit childish, joyous of true, deep love. However, when you told him that though, it put a couple of things into perspective—most significantly, how you and Hyunjin are opposites. Hyunjin aches to get married and wants a few children too, he thinks the idea is beautiful. Still, for Hyunjin, the possibility of him actually getting married feels too far-fetched; unimaginable, and unattainable. Would anyone love him enough to want to marry him?

Minho breaks Hyunjin away from the depth of his mind. “I was thinking of a nice bouquet to give them, and you’re my guy for that.”

Hyunjin exhales as he looks at Minho. He can’t even crack a small smile. He feels he should be happy—but something within him feels wrong. Someone dear to his heart is getting married and he can’t even pretend to be excited. He should be happy for you. He knows he should be happy for you; but he cannot find happiness within himself at all at this moment.

Hyunjin and Minho aren’t exactly friends. Had it not been for you, they doubt they would have even crossed paths. It’s not that Hyunjin doesn’t like Minho, he’s a cool, upstanding guy; but is he worth being your boyfriend? Let alone, is he worth being your husband? In Hyunjin’s perspective, absolutely not. Sure, from the things you tell him, Minho treats you with love, care, and the utmost respect, but Hyunjin thinks there’s something…off about him, even after four years of you and Minho being together. From Minho’s perspective, it’s obvious that Hyunjin has a crush on you. He’s teased you about it multiple times, but to you it seems highly unlikely that your best friend since practically forever would be in love with you—but it happens.

“Here, I’ll show you the ring.” Minho fishes into the front pocket of his jeans, pulling out a black velvet box. He opens the box, places it on the counter, and turns it to Hyunjin.

The ring is gorgeous. Hyunjin can tell it’s been updated and has had a few repairs, probably a ring kept within the family. He knows this because after looking at so many rings, both through work and in his own free time (self-admittedly pathetic of him to just go looking for engagement rings and wedding bands while he’s desperately single), he’s starting to notice the small differences.

“Wow.” Is the only thing that leaves Hyunjin’s mouth.

Minho continues to talk, but it all goes in one ear and out of the other. Hyunjin is lost within his head. One thought after another, layering and locking himself within his own mind. Hyunjin remains on auto-pilot for the rest of his conversation with Minho. Towards the end of it, Hyunjin fishes out the most pathetic fake smile he possibly could. Hyunjin, per usual, promises to do his best at making the best floral arrangement he possibly can. Before he leaves, Minho says something to Hyunjin that sticks with him for the rest of his day.

“They’ve always liked your arrangements, so just do what you do best. I trust you.”

The carnations are back. Another three.

Coincidentally, they arrived on the same day that Hyunjin has to create the floral arrangement for Minho’s proposal. Hyunjin can’t lie, while this project was constantly on his mind; subconsciously putting all the pieces together one by one—he absolutely put the entire thing off until the last minute. Hyunjin has never once dreaded coming into work until now. Just the thought of working on the arrangement makes him sick to his stomach. But now there’s no more time left.

Everything that Hyunjin needs for the making of the arrangement is spread out right in front of him.

He chooses a white vase as the foundation—white, along with being a symbol of purity or innocence, is also a symbol of new beginnings and marriage, the latter representing what the arrangement means as a whole—sleek and rounded in an hourglass shape. Usually, for engagement bouquets, Hyunjin uses a clear vase to ensure that the flowers stay healthy and alive (of course while being taken care of). However, neither you nor Minho are any good when it comes to taking care of flowers, so Hyunjin figures he can do whatever he wants when it comes to his creation.

The foliage comes first—Hyunjin preps the stems, pulling off the lower leaves that might hang in the water, clipping the ends off the stems before they dive into the water. Floral arranging is not only art, it’s a science. The plants have to be inserted into the vase at an angle so that the arrangement can take shape. The arrangement needs to be balanced and colorful, preferably. Vase arrangements require layering, it’s easier to start with the heavier flowers first; two red chrysanthemums on opposing sides. He cuts the stems so that the flowers hang low in the vase, almost acting as a focal point if not for his statement flowers.

As a standard for his arrangements and bouquets, Hyunjin chooses flowers that signify love and new beginnings. He also needs to make sure that the flowers he chose actually look nice in the bouquet, as if not, he feels the need to completely start over.

As he works on his creation, Hyunjin allows himself to get lost within his thoughts. Everytime someone comes into the shop, a smile on their face as they’re picking out flowers for their lover; Hyunjin feels something within him break, just a tiny crack at the surface of his identity. For a brief moment, with his work, he’s allowed to peak into the lives—the relationships—of others. Everything from the great moments of excitement to the bad moments that hope and pray to be forgiven. All of it sends Hyunjin spiraling into the depths of his memory.

He remembers his high school years. Going back to classes after the summer he hit a growth spurt. His voice got a bit deeper, too. Suddenly, all eyes were on him. Hyunjin was desirable. Shy as he was, he enjoyed it. And after a few experiences, he’d seemingly gotten over his timid behavior, though still introverted. It was a strange time. He remembers falling deep into infatuation only for things to not pan out. Before the situationship begins, the sharp sting of heartbreak lingers.

Just a few months back, Hyunjin got his heart broken yet again when his now ex-girlfriend left him to get back with her ex; some total loser named Changbin, of whom she had been originally dating sometime before Hyunjin. It’s not you, it’s me, she said. I just don’t feel the same as you, she said. Maybe we’ll meet later in life, or in the next, she said. He knew she didn’t mean it. That she was just feeding into his past-life and karmic romantic ideologies to lessen the blow. Within that same week (at minimum, three days later), he sees a mutual friend post a picture from a double date including said ex and her boyfriend.

It stung. Badly. And he’s over it now. In fact, he’s so over it that he can hardly remember her name. Sooyun? Miyeong? See? He can’t remember it. It wasn’t the worst breakup that Hyunjin has experienced. Not by a mile. The worst actually was a couple of years ago, his longest relationship which lasted a year exactly, getting betrayed on the one-year anniversary of their one-sided love. The memory still stings, so Hyunjin prefers not to talk about it—but once it comes time for self-reflection, he thinks of the memories in awe—sickly attached to the distant memory of something that failed to work out. What if? He thinks.

But three months (yeah, his most recent relationship was only three months; yes, he’s still a bit broken) with someone—constantly talking to them, getting acquainted with their lifestyle, seeing them often, kissing them, feeling them—changes a person; for better or for worse. So, Hyunjin is lucky he got out of it with only hurt feelings. A faint tug at his heart and, understandably, anger surrounding the situation, if anything. Nothing unmanageable that he can’t work or date away.

Past relationships have driven him into a slump. Depressed and unable to create or live, even, until he finds himself somewhere within the next person—both metaphorically and actually—when he’s really at his worst; the ‘best’ thing to do is to relieve his stress by burying himself inside of someone in an effort to escape intense personal feelings. This occasionally backfires whenever he catches feelings for whoever he fucks and the cycle repeats itself. Over and Over. An unfortunate life lesson that Hyunjin has to continue repeating: spiritually, possibly due to the sins made in a past life; but actually, because he rarely ever learns from past mistakes, especially if it has to do with romance.

Hyunjin, is, quite simply, a hopeless romantic in every sense of the term, but at a specific level of naivety. Aching to see the good in people or a situation even if it has near-disastrous results to his psyche. Before even speaking to someone, he’d have already envisioned their first few dates, their marriage, and growing old together. It embarrasses him badly. And no matter how many times he has to sit down with himself, reminding himself to calm down, that he should take things slowly, he’s already experiencing heartbreak.

He’s tried the dating scene multiple times since this most recent breakup. A few dates here and there, and more than a few hook-ups as well (What can he say? He’s a single man). He was mostly encouraged by other friends, and you, to reopen his Tinder account and get back out there. And Hyunjin, easily influenced, did just that. It didn’t last long though, simply due to the fact that he found himself bored almost immediately after each date or hookup. He’s simply wandering through life, boldly yet blindly, without inspiration.

Then he feels that spark. It’s just as he’s putting the finishing touches on his creation.

That very familiar, almost sickening spark deep within his soul that he found himself craving after going so long without. Feelings. Of the romantic variety. For you. He can say that he initially realized them during a party hosted by a friend of a friend. You were surrounded by some of your close friends, drinking, and smiling all pretty as you do; and that’s when it started. It was like the universe expanded in a way that could be physically felt—similar to that of an out of body experience—an intensity that feels so right. He could damn near feel the temperature changing in the room due to some kind of universal shift. The vibrations of the music gets heavier, and the chatter of people blurs together—time slows down but is going all too fast.

But perhaps he’s had these feelings for you for a while now. Maybe since you first met as children. Hiding them deep within himself. Covering up his feelings by searching for you through countless other people. Perhaps it is why many of his relationships never work out.

It has to be fate calling out to him. Hyunjin clings to this thought and the feeling that it gives him.

Hyunjin questions himself like he does every time he realizes that he has feelings for someone. What do I like about them? He ponders it. Though it doesn’t take long for him to figure it out. Everything. He likes everything about you. From the way you type on your phone to how you order food at restaurants. He loves how concentrated you get when reading something and he likes how you walk a little weirdly. He likes your opinions and the way you see the world. Those small, specific things that make you who you are, are what Hyunjin loves. You as a person, inside and out. The good and the bad. All desirable and undesirable things.

This is bad. Really bad. The realization feels bad.

Hyunjin has had feelings for tons of his friends before. He never tells them, but if he does—because hey, life is short—then it never goes past a -with-benefits label. His friends mean a lot to him, and while a romance could strengthen a relationship, it could also weaken one. Some people are meant to stay friends. Perhaps that could change between you two. But it cannot. Hyunjin remembers one little fact: you are in a committed relationship. Of four years. With Lee Minho of all people.

What does Lee Minho have that Hyunjin doesn’t? He’s just as pretty. Just as charming. And he’s a few centimeters taller. Plus, he’s known you longer than Minho has. If anything happens, you’d certainly pick Hyunjin, right? But Minho wants to marry you and Hyunjin doubts himself as being ready for that type of commitment even though he craves it desperately.

By the time that Hyunjin has finally finished the final pieces of the floral arrangement and sneaks away from his thoughts, Minho saulters into the store. Speak of the devil.

He’s smiling just as wide as he had days ago. Tonight is the night that he proposes, Minho informs Hyunjin. To which, Hyunjin congratulates Minho—but he hopes that you say no. He prays that you say no and, just to add insult to injury, you laugh in Minho’s face, despite how crude it’d be. In the pit of his stomach, though, he knows that you’ll say yes to Minho.

Minho leaves with the flowers after a few minutes of chatter; but not before he pays and leaves quite a hefty tip.

The rest of Hyunjin’s day goes by dryly. A permanent pout rests on his face, as noticed by his coworkers. He’ll just shyly smile so as to not cause any worry. Hyunjin remains on autopilot. Smiling, talking to his regulars and answering the questions he might receive throughout the day. For the most part, though, he retreats to the dark and cozy area of his mind.

—

He decides to take a refreshing walk back home. It’s only about a fifteen minute walk, and he does it often. More time to think. His headphones are tight against his ears, but not uncomfortable. Hyunjin initially chooses to blast a soft, slow tempoed song before he switches to something more heavy and aggravated.

The music is cut and a millisecond later, his phone rings. It’s you. Oh, god. You’re going to rub your relationship in his face.

When Hyunjin answers it, there’s an, albeit fake, smile on his face as if you could see him, and he begins to speak in a typical cheery tone. He’s cut off by a sob. He can’t understand a thing you’re saying and he panics. He stops in his tracks, hand curling to grasp at air in a panic. His eyes widen while he searches for any thought in his brain to console you.

“Are you home? I’ll be on my way, okay?” He informs you, voice filled with worry. “We can stay on the line until I get there.”

And he stays on the phone with you until he reaches his home; and then the entire fifteen-block walk to your place. Avoiding the eyes of those who wonder whether he might be talking to himself. He hurries, speed walking the entire way—and almost sprinting at one point when your sobs had suddenly gotten worse—in order to reach your apartment in less time than it would usually take.

He’s buzzed into your building and within a few seconds he’s at the door of your apartment. He doesn’t need to knock, as you open it immediately. Tears are staining your cheeks and you walk up to hug Hyunjin, not bothering to welcome him into your home.

Now, everything is seemingly on pause, and Hyunjin is comforting you through your own heartbreak. Once again, time is both slowed down and sped up—he’s present but still lost in his head somewhere. Still, he waddles the both of you into your apartment, and kicks the door closed with his foot.

He notices the flower arrangement he’d made just hours prior, sitting untouched on the kitchen counter.

“You wanna talk about it?” Hyunjin questions. Dealing with those emotions, especially right after they surface, is difficult, and the last thing Hyunjin wants to do is push you into speaking about it—he knows the fresh wounds of a heartbreak all too well. So, he remains by your side, patient, and comforting until—if—you decide to speak.

The two of you begin rocking side to side slowly. It’s soothing, and you’re able to speak just quietly.

“Well, he proposed,” His stomach turns, tightening to the point where he becomes nauseous for a moment. Hyunjin even nearly rolls his eyes, but the thing that relieves him is the reason he’s here—obviously you turned Minho down. That, or Minho dropped dead; but that’s not as likely. Yet, the thing that nearly makes Hyunjin sicker is how much he hates that he’s happy that you declined the proposal.

“And I declined. I-I said I wasn’t ready for marriage yet. Told him I wish we had discussed it a bit more before he did anything so we’d be on the same page. B-but I begged for us to stay together and he said… he said he couldn’t do it.”

You bury your head in Hyunjin’s chest, weeping a bit more.

“I know it hurts,” His words get lost in his mind somewhere, feeling as though he isn’t adequate enough to comfort you.

“It hurts so bad.” You grab his hoodie with your fist tightly, twisting and tugging at it.

“Let’s just cry it out. That always helps me.” He suggests, hand running up and down your back.

“Cry with me? Like that scene in Midsommar?” You laugh through your sobs despite the hurt you’re in. Not that it matters to Hyunjin, of course. You can feel him laugh and, fortunately, it makes you smile.

“Only if you want me to.” He unknowingly returns the smile. You don’t respond, but you ponder it—even as just a joke.

The room falls silent but the silence is comfortable. That’s what you love about being around Hyunjin. You intrigue him, and while he always wants to know what’s going on in your mind, he never pressures you to speak. Sometimes, we learn more about ourselves—and to an extent, other people—through silence.

The hug breaks. You fail to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. You walk off to sit in the living room and Hyunjin goes to get water for the both of you. He sets the glasses of water down and takes a seat next to you.

“Where is he?” Hyunjin asks. His palms are sweaty, so he wipes them onto his jeans.

Your frown somehow deepens before you speak. “Went to stay with his parents.”

Silence. Hyunjin can tell that you’re lost in thought. He feels a bit odd. Individually, you both have gone through a significant amount of breakups; but each one is different from the last. It’s been so long since you’ve had your heart broken. To see you like this after so long—eyes red and puffy with a tear stained face, bottom lip quivering as you try to console yourself—it breaks Hyunjin. He does what you would do for him.

“What will help take your mind away?” His voice is soft, barely above a whisper.

You ponder for a moment. “Remember back in February when you and Miyeong broke up? The sleepover we had while Minho was away? We stayed up all night eating snacks and watching romance movies,”

He nods. Despite being deeply hurt to the point he got sick, the latter part of that week was one of the most enjoyable times that he’d had in forever. The two of you ate, drank, cried, and watched cheesy romantic movies (to which Hyunjin cried more). Through the stuffy fog that is heartbreak, Hyunjin was reminded that, sometimes, life isn’t so bad.

“What if we did that again for a couple of days?”

Hyunjin ponders it, considers it, but… “We both have work.” He pouts.

“Not tomorrow, though. I just don’t want to be alone right now,” You need him. A crutch. A support system. And you know he’ll never let you down. “Plus, you act like you haven’t stayed over for long periods of time before! Remember the time that Jisung refused to shower out of spite so you slept over here?”

Hyunjin lets out a short chuckle. He knows that when he goes back to his apartment, it’ll be left a mess. But for you, he doesn’t mind cleaning up after Jisung. “Fine. But only because I love you and I want you to feel better, loser.”

—

“You just have to find your thing, you know?” Hyunjin takes another shot. Neither of you are sure just how many you’ve both had.

“Like, you know, my thing is art, and flowers and, you know, expressing myself with them. It’s the one thing I can always come back to and feel good about. Not betrayed, not hurt, or anything. But good. That shop—god—it’s like the one place in this world that’s for me.”

He’s venting now. He shouldn’t be. This is all about you. Tonight is all about you. So he cuts himself short, words still lingering on the tip of his tongue. There’s a momentary silence, eventually broken by you.

“Are you implying that you want to fuck your flower shop?”

“Wha…? No! I’m just saying…I’m trying to help you!” His ears become red.

“Hm. Not sure. Sounds like you’re confessing your love for your job,” Hyunjin looks at you with a face full of temporary disgust. “I’m jooking! Find my thing, something to express myself with, I know, I get it.”

“I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be.”

Silence once again occupies the room, planting itself comfortably between you and Hyunjin. Hyunjin doesn’t mind the silence. You do, though.

“You know what’s kinda funny?”

“Hm?”

“Minho used to mention, from time to time, how he believed you had a crush on me,” You smile. Hyunjin, however, is caught off guard, eyebrows raised with his eyes slightly wide. “I would always laugh it off but part of me kept thinking What If?”

“What if I had been with you instead of Minho. I mean, you wouldn’t propose to me without having a simple fucking conversation, right?” You ramble on. “You wanna know a secret?”

“Sure.” “Two secrets! It’s actually two secrets!”

“One,” You tilt your head to smile at Hyunjin. “I had the biggest crush on you for years. But I was so hurt because you kept going after literally every fucking body else. Wish you had paid attention to me.”

“And Two!” You continue, not as sad. Ignoring the previous sentences that came from your mouth. “I wish I could kiss you right now. Would you let me?”

He can’t believe the words that come out of your mouth. For a moment, Hyunjin feels ill. He’d somehow missed the signs. You wanted him, too. His eyebrows string together in a brief expression of sadness. He shakes it away. Hyunjin nods and leans in, his eyes close and he puckers his lips. Within a second, he feels your lips on his and then your hand on his thigh.

Sparks. That’s the only way that Hyunjin can describe it. Your mouth is warm, wet and Hyunjin can only melt into you. The two of you melt into each other. Lips mashed together as your tongues slip into each other's mouths, swapping spit. At this point it’s more than kissing. It’s heavy and messy. It’s full of hurt and passion and the feeling of being missed. Or having something missed out on. Uncertainty. Neither of you have come up for air to interrupt the makeout session. Losing yourselves within each other's mouths—lips and tongue, occasional teeth.

You end up climbing atop of him to straddle. Breaking the kiss to pin Hyunjin to the floor. You stare down at him, searching within his eyes. “Do you want me?”

“So much.” The two words leave Hyunjin’s mouth desperately. He’s in anguish.

He tries to sit up, to chase your lips but he’s properly pinned. You plant one soft kiss against his lips. You stand, beckoning Hyunjin to follow you to your room; disappearing into the hallway. And Hyunjin does just that; leaving his sober self to pick up the pieces of a drunken, immoral night.

#hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #hyunjin angst #hyunjin fluff #stray kids angst #skz angst #lee know x reader #skz au #hyunjin imagines #stray kids imagines #🌑 — vivid dreams #🌑 — vividdream.skz

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nabanna · 8 months ago

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lord help us all I've been given a reason to think about Dracula novel/Drizzt series crossover

I love following canyourfavesurvivecastledracula (I especially love seeing characters I'm not familiar with on there) and they recently got an ask about my little guy Drizzt Do'Urden but didn't know all that much about him BUT YOU SEE (unfortunately for everyone who knows me in any way) this is a crossover of the two major fandoms that have become my entire personality in the past year or so! so as someone who's eagerly awaiting the return of Dracula Daily Season AND reading multiple of the Drizzt series books as we speak (simultaneously! help..) and considers him a blorbo to tenderly and lovingly put in the microwave to watch him dodge the radiation like an ant, I'm taking a crack at it because this looks like fun :D

Making my own post because this is purely to be enrichment in my enclosure and also it's.. gotten So So Very Long.. also pouring one out for my other account where I normally would post this sort of thing that I simply cannot log into anymore for mysterious and unknown reasons. (Literally it's still like There and I can See It but trying to log in takes me to 'make a new blog' pages and... wait I'm silly I think I know why. the email died. no idea how to get back in without the email.)

ANYWAY

To the thought experiment:

Could Drizzt Do'Urden Survive Castle Dracula?

Short answer: Yes, it's not a fun time for him, he saves the baby though!

Long answer:

Using the blog's stated general criteria...

Overall approach to the supernatural:

Is an elf, knows what a vampire is, however D&D vampires work differently from Dracula vampires so he would not have all the information on that front if it came to a confrontation. (Knowing the Drizzt books, it would definitely come to at least one fight or at least a tense chase sequence.)

Also depends on how quickly he clocked that this is, in fact, a vampire, and whether Dracula could catch on to him catching on and spin things in a way that kept Drizzt relatively chill OR decide it's time to strike (which he could probably escape) (though now I'm thinking about Vampire!Drizzt....... no no I shouldn't.... unless.....)

The presence of Guenhwyvar (constellation panther BFF my beloved) would afford him some protection other than Dracula's whims, and companionship which is Very Important as he has been known to go feral without sufficient friendship.

Probably takes all the local superstitions very seriously because where he comes from if someone's like "there are ghosts that come out on certain days" and "there are monsters in these woods" they mean it very Very literally.

Dracula's general inhuman behaviors he could take in stride and adapt to pretty well I think, he's known a lot of really eccentric people and is from Fantasy Zone, so the idea that Dracula isn't human wouldn't be scary or even all that weird. Vampire, yeah that's sus, but just non-human? you walk past a hundred non-humans on a single street in most cities where he's from. Many of the eccentricities might be explainable just by going "Ah, he seems to be some kind of wizard. Yeah that checks out." Doesn't seem to be sleeping on a normal schedule or at all? Drizzt does that too! Sees too well in the dark/doesn't seem to use lights much? Darkvision and light sensitivity, same! Moves inhumanly fast? A little concerning but why not. Tells stories from centuries ago as if he was there? Elves do that all the time and it's because they were, in fact, there. (Also some human wizards do all of that too, just because.)

Now because things work differently between these two settings I'm not sure how much his general familiarity with things in the Forgotten Realms would help him here, like he's taking it all in stride but does he know how to protect himself against a Dracula-type vampire? Does he know magic is so incredibly rare and (apparently) usually evil or does he think this is just an unusually magic-less region?

Whether they would accept the crucifix from the old lady:

He is a polite young man so yes of course he would, and because the lady doesn't know what a drow (or an elf?) is, she probably wouldn't think "evil!!!" like most of the common folk in the Realms do, so much as "weird-looking (yet androgynously beautiful) young man" or depending on the local superstitions may assume he's some sort of fey being? or just like, really exceptionally foreign foreigner.

Assuming she still offers it, he would accept it despite not knowing what sort of deity it's for, because he recognizes it's a token of goodwill and he loves expressions of goodwill. Would definitely go and write about it in his little diary to both wonder what she's so afraid of/what sort of protection it affords, and also gush about the kindness and possibly whether this expands or aligns with his current understanding of morality.

This plus the other Superstitious Behaviors would clue him in that something's up so he'd be going in with that knowledge, prepared to figure out what's going on and what the villagers are so afraid of.

Whether they would go exploring after being told not to:

100% and he might even be stealthy enough to mostly get away with it!

Demonstrably does not like being restricted, only went along with this stuff when he was younger because the indoctrination ensured that he literally had no idea there was any other option (also his dad sparred with him daily to get his energy out so his zoomies were managed)

If Dracula really truly wanted to discourage him from any particular places he might just need to come up with an explanation, but he might also be entertained enough by Drizzt's sneaking and snooping to let him roam and see where it goes. Drizzt is better at stealth than Jonathan but they have different flavors of wet cat charm which Dracula may want to handle differently.

Depending on how you read the scene with the vampire ladies trying to "kiss" Jonathan, like how much of it was vampire charm making him feel kinda into it or potentially more of a paralysis situation, it could go differently just because Drizzt may or may not be able to break out and run away very fast, or just kinda endure it while feeling Really Bad And Gross about the sexual overtones. (Based on instances such as him resisting drugs and exiting the room as fast as possible when a priestess was coming onto him, and going feral to push through a paralyzing poison to prevent an assault on another person.) (I read him as incredibly demisexual and he demonstrates being sex-repulsed to everyone outside of the very short list of people he's actively very close friends with and attracted to.) (His feral side has been known to come out in these types of situations but not all of them and it wouldn't necessarily always work either.)

The girlies would not put him off of exploring for very long but he would likely be trying to avoid all possible run-ins with them from that point forward. Unfortunately for him he is a tasty little guy and I think the girlies would actively mess with him against Dracula's orders, perhaps in part because he's an elf and they find that interesting and engaging. Enrichment for their enclosure! Horrible time for Drizzt. Exactly the way the vampire squad likes it!

Verdict: He has a bad time but he's gotta run around he has the zoomies. Dracula could possibly prevent this, if he wanted to prevent it, by letting him into a training yard of some kind so he can get out his energy.

Ability to manage the whims of a Rich Jerk / hold Dracula's interest:

This one is harder and probably depends on the circumstances of him going to the castle, like what his goal there is, and around what point in the timeline he's at. I haven't gotten through all 30-something books just yet but my answer is Probably?

Just the fact of him being an elf and having some innate magic abilities could possibly be enough for Dracula to find him interesting enough to keep around. He's not a wizard and his innate spells are mostly harmless, more battlefield management than anything, so he's not magically a particularly powerful threat to Dracula, just decently interesting. He could also go on about how magic works where he's from, though going on too much about his inherent drow magic would make him uncomfortable (which Dracula would probably like) and especially like, if he got into the ins and outs of Menzoberranzan specifically.

He would definitely bring out the active listening skills for Dracula's history and war stories. Might want to get examples of any particularly interesting fighting maneuvers. I wonder if Dracula would indulge him in a spar or let him practice? The castle must have a training yard somewhere, but would he let Drizzt keep his weapons/borrow some?

Usually good enough at reading the room to determine when is or is not a good time for the scimitars and the panther (combat mode) to come out.

Not the most charismatic, but insightful and clever. (autism-ass elf. elftism.......)

Raised in a very controlling environment with a strict social hierarchy where he was simultaneously part of a high-ranking noble family but also as far down the social ladder as he could be otherwise (male, youngest child, was supposed to be assigned spell component at birth, doesn't like conforming) so, again, he wouldn't like it but he could probably manage it.

Partly depends on how much effort Dracula is willing to put in to make the Friendship believable and keep Drizzt in the dark, or if he's interesting enough to more carefully balance a web of manipulation around.

I'm gonna say this point gets a Yes

Assuming he realized the vampires are Bad but too dangerous to 2v4, he would be so uncomfortable for most of it but is also funky enough that Dracula would probably find his discomfort and weird-but-trying-to-be-so-polite mannerisms entertaining. Dracula would decide this is his blorbo now. I may be biased but this is tumblr so actually Dracula himself said all of this to me personally in DMs.

Facility for climbing without gear (free soloing):

Lizard fashion? Spider fashion...

He Is On The Walls

Multiple points in the books involve him sneaking around places by climbing on walls and I believe elves are canonically, in general, weirdly good at parkour. So yeah!

Whether they would choose to risk being eaten by vampires over the certain death of being eaten by wolves:

IF he has weapons, the wolves aren't really certain death because he is a whirling tornado of death, I am so sorry wolves. If not then he might be able to parkour out of their way? He probably wouldn't want to fight the wolves though, because he is a disney princess nature lover and would rather free them from Dracula's control if possible.

Depending on how much he could figure out about how vampires work here, he may have some ideas for how to turn a fight against them to his advantage or otherwise.

Wait, this happens after the baby incident, right? If so then he's not getting to this point plot-wise, though he might have come back to try fighting the vampires after saving the baby, and depending on how he's doing that, he might still have to contend with the wolves at some point.

Decision: Doesn't want to go against the wolves at any point, but if necessary, he can out-parkour them.

General analysis from Me:

Main counts on the original post are accurate! He accepts the cross, survives the social situations as long as necessary, and escapes with the baby to give it back to the villagers upset but otherwise intact.

As soon as he realized the vampires were menacing the locals to any extent, he would decide to figure out a way to free the area of their evil. Unfortunately the best way for him to figure out anything about the vampires is to stay in close quarters with them for a little while. He has been known to pretend to side with an enemy to gain information or an advantage in a fight, but I'm not sure how long he could keep it up.

Dracula might string him along with Friendship (Drizzt loves friendship so much if he doesn't have friendship he will explode) but he would have to get his baby-eating roommates to play along and behave or else they could easily freak the guy out too much for it to remain believable.

Either way, Drizzt is not staying in that castle beyond the point of another person (the baby) being put in danger. There's at least one point in the books where he's protecting a baby while fighting some enemies and he always puts the baby's safety first. Also Guen can respawn, so if it's absolutely necessary to, she can get taken to 0 HP distracting the vampires while Drizzt improvises some way to get out of there with the baby intact.

That's as far as "survive Castle Dracula" usually goes because well he got out of the castle alive but now I am also thinking about possible plot beyond that point...

First of all the villagers?? Assuming they saw him as Really Weird Foreigner or perhaps some sort of fair folk rather than Literal Demon Spawn the worst they'd do is probably be very tense and silent after taking the baby back and let him leave uncontested without welcoming him in. Best case scenario is some or all of them, or at least the baby's mother, being grateful enough to help him out a little. But like what's he gonna Do after that? (Also if the villagers think he's some sort of fey guy then would they think there's something up with the baby now...)

I mean he knows there's baby-eating vampires in that castle now and he's very against the idea of leaving baby-eating vampires around. Even if he can't 2v4 all of them plus their minions he'd wanna do something about that. (2v4 rather than 1v4 because Guen counts as one) Would he try to gather allies to assault the castle? If he learned that there's times when he can expect them all to be asleep in their coffins would he try to just go back in and stab them in their coffin-sleep? Would he leave the area if he knows the local people are still in danger or would he reason that he needs to find help and come back?

(Also raising to myself the question of whether this is "specifically only Drizzt has been isekai'd into the novel Dracula" or if there's perhaps a little more crossover type setting blending, or if others from the Realms are in there, is Elminster around I know he's canonically been to Real Life Earth, would Van Helsing have some kind of tangent about how this has allegedly happened before, there's an implication that vampires aren't even Van Helsing's favorite cryptid what if d&d type elves are actually higher on that list and he knows all about them, is it even possible to put something resembling the plot and characters of Dracula into a D&D setting, what if I could make a Domain of Dread out of this–)

No matter what happened, Drizzt would be writing SO many diary entries which is perhaps the true main reason why he would survive, he's got that journaling and diary-keeping swag just like my good friend Jonathan Harker

(This is all assuming he has Guen because if he didn't have Guen he would wilt away of the Miseries. Might un-wilt specifically to save the baby and then re-wilt as soon as he remembered there's no kitty.)

#drizzt do'urden #dracula #drizzt #me #my posts #maybe I shouldn't be putting him in the microwave... he has metal on him usually...#this got so long help me #perhaps there is a point where I should just write a fanfic but then again I would 100% get caught in the setup #but this isn't even getting close to 'what if Drizzt met Jonathan' levels of blorbo crossover perhaps that energy would carry me through #microwave addendum again I remembered the ice scimitar gives fire/heat resistance but would that help in a microwave?

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thelonelyshore-if · 1 month ago

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The 2k gift Jay POV was amazing. I liked it a lot. It is indeed very spoilery, I didn't expect to learn that much about Ravi.

Also, I loved that on the stats you put Jay's data. It's so fun to see. It's such a great detail, I wasn't expecting it, even though it makes complete sense. It was fun to see how my MC and Jay have similar personality stats too.

I think you had a great balance on telling information we didn't know yet, but Jay and Ravi would have, while also keeping most of the mystery. Basically, I have more questions than answers now. Which is great.

Also, I love getting inside the head of other important characters in IFs. It's always so interesting. As someone who is romancing Jay, is so great to see how he personally sees the world. How self sacrificing he is. How he is someone you can rely on. It's also wonderful to be able to see more of Jay's daily life and his worries. How decidedly and stubbornly optimistic he tries to be. He is so admirable.

Sorry for using male pronouns, I normally use neutral, but I always play with male Jay. I don't know if there is a difference between female Jay and male Jay on this 2k gift. Yet I wanted to establish that.

I do wonder, however, what do you plan to do with these gifts, if you make more in the future, once the game goes to be published officially (with Hosted Games, or any of the other variants, I'm not too knowledgeable on the subject)? Will you add it as extra content, maybe accesible once the game is finished once? Or is something that you cannot define yet?

Aw, thank you!!

I was really excited to start digging into Ravi stuff. Especially writing how Jay sees him and how they feel about it all. A lot of what was revealed is filtered through Jay's POV; I'm excited for you all to see what Ravi has to say about it in the future, too!

And yess I'm so glad you saw the stats page!! I thought it would be a fun little detail, and it was a blast on my end to try and figure out what Jay's stats would be.

Honestly I'm thrilled you have more questions than answers. I was hoping that would be the case; that I'd reveal some things but leave a lot of it still unexplained.

It's lovely reading your Jay thoughts; I'm glad you enjoyed seeing inside their head. No need to apologize for using specific pronouns, either. When it comes to the gender selectable characters I don't mind if folks default to which they usually play with c:

Jay's genuinely one of my favorite ROs. I can't wait for y'all to see a little deeper into Jay and their life and their struggles--I'm happy that the snippets you did see were enjoyable!! They have a lot going on, and it's going to be fun to explore it as time goes on.

As for your final question, I'm unsure!! I don't know if the extra content is something I'd package with the final product; but I think it's too early for me to say anything definitively. What I've posted will always be available on this blog, though, and at some point maybe I'll figure out a way to put it all in one place.

Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts! I hope you continue to enjoy <3

#asks #2k special

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windstir · 11 days ago

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rosemarine is as much of a victim as gilbert is, a more outright one i'd say. the way auguste threatens gilbert (a kid who has been targeted by him and groomed for his entire life) is VERY different to the way he threatens rosemarine (an adult, 18 at the beginning, i'd say around 21 AT MOST by the time kazeki ends. auguste got a proper hold of him at 15, before that he was only odd towards rose)

auguste establishes the power dynamics between those two in very different ways, for instance he uses his "love" towards gilbert as a double edged sword. if he's not "loving" him gilbert perishes and is kept trapped because it makes him crave the toxicity even more. that's why serge's presence was so dangerous, because teaching gilbert safety meant he's properly going to realize "this is wrong, this needs to stop" ... which he already knew, he said it himself ("do you think i let you fuck me because i wanted to? i did it because i didn't have other options") but he doesn't know how to stop it, so he lets it happen and romanticizes the situation, he knows and he knew from day 1 that auguste was a dangerous man, but he clung onto him because he was all he had.

meanwhile, rosemarine gets a more threatening version of this treatment. auguste speaks to him as an equal (almost) when he's not mad, but when he is he yells and lashes out, and threatens to get close, which he knows rosemarine hates (unlike gilbert who is the complete opposite) and uses it against him.

Auguste isn't smart (HELL a lot of people knew about his awful treatment towards gilbert when gilbert was a CHILD, but they never did anything to stop it), he literally just goes through life doing whatever the hell he wants and hurting whoever prevents him from reaching whatever goal he has, he doesn't hide it, he doesn't pretend to be a good person, he doesn't do shit he just goes up to the principal and goes "yeah let gilbert do whatever i'll pay you man", he goes up to rose and goes "don't intervene in the gilbert issue, just make sure he doesn't die or something idk", he kisses gilbert on school grounds, he offers himself as a future husband for angeline (11 by the time she appears again, serge is 14-15)

he does WHATEVER he wants WHEREVER he wants, he doesn't gaf, he's not smart, he isolates gilbert and keeps him in an environment that equally validates his own treatment. usually in stories about child abuse someone (an adult) knows and tries to stop it, sometimes they succeed, sometimes they don't, but in kazeki EVERYONE LETS THINGS HAPPEN. and the cycle continues.

abuse culture thrives in silence (auguste's peers), bystander effect (everyone in laconblade), enablers (rosemarine, the principal) and refusing to break the cycle despite being scared (auguste abuses rose → rose enables gilbert's abuse rather than speaking up against auguste → gilbert assaults carl ... carl doesn't continue this cycle, but indirectly contributes to everything by being a bystandar ... HOWEVER he cannot be 100% blamed since he's a child. he's scared, he blames himself, he doesn't want to tell anyone because of His Own Can Of Worms -which someone else with a more religious background could probably explain better-)

gilbert is at the bottom of the chain, and he has normalized this abusive behavior SO much that he doesn't really see it as something inherently bad. to him, this is another thing people do, he has never known normalcy, so when he assaults carl to "assert dominance" over him and taunts him, he's just repeating the things people did/do to him.

it's kinda like when children exposed to violence in the home (ANY sort of violence, whether it's directed to them -csa, physical abuse, emotional abuse- or indirect -seeing a parent get abused-) play with toys violently and reenact their trauma through play (there's a proper term for this, i currently can't remember, but it's used in play therapy to try and decipher what's up with a child too young to voice their worries and woes!)

anyway uhm

this is just word vomit, sorry.

#kaze to ki no uta #風と木の詩 #gilbert cocteau #arion rosemarine #carl maisser #auguste beau

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voidsquidd · 4 months ago

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Not what I usually post but I wanna say something

I recently saw a 12 yr old on shedtwt and ik becuz of what this account used to be that I have shedtwt and shedtblr followers on here

(I have never really used shedtwt but post pop up every few months)

If ur that young then pls do not go on places like that

//TW// sh ed / g0re / gr0oming / s1uicide

Ik that u probably wanna find ppl who have similar struggles to u, ik u probably have issues irl that make u wanna do that stuff and u just wanna find a place where ppl are like u, but shedtwt is not that place

Even if ppl on there say they're pro recovery, the fact they're posting stuff promoting it or showing it in a positive way at all is not gonna help anyone recover, they're still glorifying it to other ppl and promoting pro Ana / sh

Shedtwt/shedtblr will do sm damage to ur brain at a young age

While ur that young what u see will have a massive affect on ur brain and what u view as normal. Older ppl on there are way more aware of what they're doing to themselves and, even if u say ur mature for ur age, u will not know what damage ur actually doing to urself by being on there

Seeing ppl promote stuff like sh: how to go deeper, needing to feel valid, wanting to get worse, showing off their gory sh

Seeing ppl promote eds: saying how many cals they eat, showing of thinspo, fat shaming / meanpso, saying it's better to be thin

That stuff is gonna be more likely to stick with u when u start to consume it from a young age like that, eventually it'll be all u really know, you'll have normalized it sm in ur head with out even realising what you've done. Ppl will have constantly been posting about it and u will have constantly been seeing those posts and slowly making ur brain see all that disordered, dangerous behaviour as normal. Sm so that when u try to recover it'll end up being sm harder, becuz ur whole life, all ur believes, all ur habits, ur hobbies, will be base for sh and ed

Ik someone who was active on there from a young age and they struggle to eat normally sometimes, a normal meal feels like a binge to them and they don't actually know what the real definition of that word means, they count normal eating as eating too much, they count normal and healthy bodies as too fat becuz they saw so many dangerously underweight ppl that they can no longer tell what's healthy. They developed such bad body dysmorphia from all the content that they cannot tell the difference between over 10lbs on their body.

They can't understand why sh is bad sometimes, thinking it's not that big of a deal, they romantizise sh and their cuts, saying they like them and that they want more scars, even asking me to help them. They didn't realise it was a massive issue when they went pretty deep, and then refused to go seek medical help when they should've becuz they were used to giving themself cuts that could kill them, becuz ppl on shedtwt go so deep it could kill them but they barely ever seem to mention that, a young person wouldn't realise that would kill them, the person I'm talking about definitely didn't

They also saw lost of gore. Now I'm gonna get into a bit of physical brain psychology rn. So the brain releases dopamine as a positive reward hormone obviously. Watching gore, even tho it's online, will have the same or similar effect of seeing actual bloody, dead bodies and ppl stabbing themself or killing themself irl. They saw lots of that becuz shedtwt had sh vids which led to gore twt. Seeing ppl stab themselves, cut their arm off, jump off buildings etc, would be like seeing it irl. And seeing it irl would be classed as a traumatic event, it causes trauma. Specifically it damages the part of the brain that releases hormones like dopamine, by consuming that content u are physically damaging ur brain sm it can stop letting u feel happy.

This person may have a bad home life, and that may have caused these issues to start, but they wouldn't have known what sh was without shedtwt, or seen tips on how to go deeper on shedtwt

They wouldn't have seen starving tips or those diets, or workout routines without shedtwt

They wouldn't have felt like what they were doing was normal if they hadn't seen sm of it on shedtwt

They wouldn't have found gore without shedtwt

And they wouldn't have met their groomer and called him their bf if they hadn't been on shedtwt

Even now they're not on there, they lost all their hobbies to Ana/mia, they would spend their time doing nothing but watching and reading stuff about sh and eds and that's all their life was. Just cvtting themself, learning tips on how to starve and trying to ignore their cravings. They used to paint, but they stopped. they used to sew, but they stopped. they used to be really strong and have good health, they don't anymore, becuz they worked their body to exhaustion sm trying to get thin. Their brain consumed sm content, it's all they think about most of the time now and they struggle to distract their thoughts. I remember they told me what they were thinking about and I had to tell them they seemed triggered becuz they were so triggered so often it just became their normal mind. They thought about nothing but what to eat on what day, how many cals were in something, about how to cut deeper, where they should cut, how some of their scars would look prettier if they were in different shapes, suicide methods and what would be the best even tho they didn't have any plans. Images of thinspo and gore and sh would flash in their head constantly.

It became so normal to them it was their whole personality and actual normal things were alien concepts to them. I told them what typically normal things were and they were genuinely surprised at how what they did and thought about wasn't normal.

Ik most young ppl on there are wanting ppl to relate to but it will do more damage than good, sometimes it's better to feel like what ur doing is weird or not normal becuz that gives u more motivation to stop, to try and be normal. Seeing it sm will make u think it's normal and fine and make u feel like there's no issue

That person is still recovering and a lot of the stuff they vent about is the gore they saw, or the thinspo they saw, the things they say that get called out for being negative are always things they learnt to normalize from shedtwt

So pls, I say this to anyone but especially younger ppl like that 12 yr old, shedtwt / tblr is not gonna help u with ur mental health, it isn't a place that genuinely encourages recovery even if ppl say they are pro recovery. It's a place that glorifies sh and eds, and there's so many ppl who also just wanna take advantage of u. Someone who wants to help u starve or sh doesn't have ur best interest in mind, someone who wants u to recover and get better and healed is someone who cares about u

My dms are always open ♡

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year ago

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I think the relationship between Trey and Vil is pretty interesting (but again, as someone who really really likes Vil, each and every of his relationships is interesting to me). Vil himself said Riddle's lucky to have Trey and that Trey is a "exceptional second-in-command" (Vil labwear), and Vil repeatedly noted Trey's thoughtfulness (Vil union/jacket birthday), though sometimes Vil meant it to be criticism (main story 5-22 and Trey apprentice chef, both of which Vil commented that Trey's tendency to spoil others rotten will bring more harm than good for his underclassmen). So yes, they don't appear to be very close (and maybe they aren't), and Vil might appear to be mean to Trey (his words and actions are not helping lol), but I think Trey is one of few students in NRC where Vil actually enjoys having a chat with, considering Trey is one of the few that allow Vil to feel satisfied with his needs to constantly lecturing others and proving that he knows best by smiling and nodding along (Leona can outsmart Vil, Rook can out-talk Vil, Epel gets too defensive etc.) As for Trey, I don't think I know him enough to gauge his opinions about Vil. I'd love to hear what you think too!

I'll be honest, I don't usually think a lot about Trey or Vil (because they're both characters I don't personally enjoy) 🤔 but I love it when new TWST content comes out that makes me go back and reevaluate the characters. It makes them feel really dynamic and helps to recontextualize what I knew of them before. When I think of Vil and Trey's relationship, I think, "they're friendly acquaintances that give off the impression of a stern mom and a doting dad" (not necessarily in a romantic way, that's just the dynamic their relationship reminds me of). Individually, they're both competent people, but they have very different "parenting styles". However, it's never to the point where it becomes hateful. You can tell they disagree on some points, but they're also able to just have a civil conversation about it (ie "be the adults in the room"), letting their strengths play off of each other well. One thing that's very apparent about Vil is that he has high standards for not just himself, but for everyone. Because of this, he has a very critical eye when it comes to things like evaluating the quality of products, as well as others' character. He's not so easily tricked by expert liars like Jade (who came close to earning the Ghost Bride's heart, had it not been for Floyd's interference, even though she would later detect Azul's fakeness; Vil automatically knew something was sus in Jade's dorm uniform vignettes when the eel showed upon Pomefiore's doorstep claiming to want to transfer). What's more, Vil can take one look at someone and determine what their strengths and weaknesses are, and where their potential lies. That's why he picked Epel to be his "poison apple", because he knew that Epel had the capacity to be cute if he learned to embrace his femininity, which would help them stand a chance against RSA. Likewise, Vil can also see these in Trey, no matter how often Trey claims that he's normal or nothing special, or that he's just doing what anyone else would do. See, that's the thing with Trey. He comes off as so humble and approachable that Vil knows it's sometimes detrimental, whether that's to Trey himself or to others. It makes people too reliant on Trey's kindness instead of them learning to be independent (a sentiment which Vil frowns on), and Trey has a habit of perpetuating it because of how "considerate" and "thoughtful" (as Vil puts it) he is. It's a double-edged sword. But in spite of these traits, Vil also recognizes that Trey is skilled at what he does: smoothing things over (because let's be honest, Riddle can suck at that) and leading where others cannot (some will be more likely to listen to Trey because of how "nice" he is to them). I find it really fascinating how Trey talks himself down (in an act of humility), but most everyone else has nothing but high praise for him. It's typically the younger students who see Trey as some older brother figure who will always be there to help them when they need it... but it's the older students--and especially those with discerning eyes--that realize that Trey actually has greater strengths than just that. Both Vil AND Rook, who are some of THE most perceptive characters in the cast, have explicitly commented on Trey's leadership abilities (the latter being during the second Beans Day event; I wrote this post discussing Rook and Trey's relationship if you're interested in reading that! ^^). And you know what else is wild???? If you think about it, Trey is also just as perceptive, and I believe this plays well in his dynamic with Vil. There are many instances when Trey notices details that no one else does, like the fact that Cater dislikes sweets or that Rook does not like to share personal details.

The difference between Trey and Vil is that they use their perceptiveness in different ways; Vil is much more direct with his assessments, he does not hesitate to hit you in the face with what he has scoped out (call it "tough love"). He tends to criticize and point out flaws, and how people could be better. Think about how readily Vil chastised Deuce when Deuce tried to stand up for Epel in book 5; Vil immediately told him he has no right to complain when he has so much more work to do, even Potato #1 (Ace), who started around the same time as Deuce, has made significant progress while Deuce has lagged behind. Vil has no mercy, he is stone cold killer. Some people can't take getting their pride hurt or having their weaknesses told to them, and that's why Vil is often branded as "mean". Trey is the opposite; he often takes note of things but doesn't always make a point to bring it up unless there's a reason for it. His blows are much softer and more considerate because he doesn’t want to attract attention to himself by further aggravating the issue. He does not like having the spotlight on him (something which he brings up multiple times). As an example, when Trey tells us that Cater doesn't like sweets, he says it in a sort of casual manner rather than a pointed one, and his words are phrased such that it's only a guess rather than accusing him of something. Other times, Trey uses the information he has to avoid or to resolve conflicts. For example, when Sebek and Deuce are pressing Rook for information about his family, Trey diverts their attention to take the heat off of Rook. The huntsman realizes that Trey did it on purpose because Trey knew he was feeling uncomfortable with the circumstances. Trey even apologizes to Rook afterwards, asking if he shouldn't have done that. Vil is confrontational (most likely because he sees it as an avenue to push others to grow), whereas Trey is non-confrontational and happy to keep people comfortable with what they already know. If Vil's strategy is to attract bees with venom, then Trey's strategy is to attract bees with honey. On Trey's end, it's actually pretty difficult to gauge how he feels about his classmates because he often doesn't outright state his thoughts on specific people. One thing that crops up time and time again is that Trey typically performs well to make his dorm look good (because, according to him, it would just cause trouble if he messed something up). This says to me that Trey puts the needs or the expectations of others over his own, and this kind of thinking also carries over to how he expresses himself. He tends to make generalized statements like, "yeah, X can be like that", "they can be so energetic", or, "wow, that's impressive". I think this also applies to what he thinks of Vil; Trey has said in other instances that he finds the feats his classmates are capable of totally ridiculous. I'd imagine that he feels similarly about Vil, like he's some star that's way out of Trey's understanding. At the same time, Vil the A list celebrity is also just another classmate, so Trey treats him as such. I don't think I can really recall a time when Trey expressed not liking someone, because really he's the type of guy that tries to get along with everyone. It's not that he necessarily likes everyone, but that he maintains a decent enough relationship so as to avoid issues. As long as he doesn't start anything, no one starts anything with him. That's one of his major boons: Trey's mildness actually makes it so that he doesn't have any real enemies. People either accept his existence and leave him alone, or they give him some level of respect since he's consistently known as a "nice guy" on campus. That's part of why he is so effective as a leader in his own right, and others can recognize that. Vil is also an effective leader, but arguably how he approaches others and handles conflicts has made him more foes than friends (like... how often does he nitpick Epel's looks or manners, and then extend that behavior to people in other dorms?).

Back on the topic of Trey and Vil as a duo, I think it's because of their similarities (the ability to "read" others) and their differences (their very approaches with the information they have on others) that help flesh out their relationship. Vil is equally tough on himself as he is on others (perhaps even more tough on himself), and sometimes that leads to the problem where he denies himself very normal joys or he obsesses over very little details. Trey is exactly the type of person Vil needs to hear from every now and again--just a "normal" dude without those impossible standards. I think this is exemplified in Vil's Labwear vignettes. In those, he is worried about his figure because of a callous comment Rook made. Vil happens to run into Trey in the hallway, and during their conversation Trey picks up on Vil's irritation and invites him over to Heartslabyul for tea. While they're having drinks together, Trey asks about why Vil is upset, and that begins this whole talk about how Vil's upset with Rook's careless phrasing. Trey is able to toss in some of his own experiences dealing with Rook, thereby empathizing with (relating to) Vil rather than simply sympathizing with (feeling bad for) him. I noticed Trey also has less dialogue than Vil; he's giving Vil the space to vent, and pretty much all of Trey's responses are very non-judgmental, non-inflammatory ones. Towards the tail-end of the conversation, Vil actually starts shifting the topic from his annoyance with Rook to Trey's modesty. It's through this that Trey is able to seize the chance to pitch the cake (the so-called "stress relief") he was hoping to offload to Pomefiore this whole time to Vil. Trey got what he wanted in the end while also soothing Vil's troubles, because he treated Vil like an equal rather than a queen on a pedestal. He's okay with soaking up Vil's venom and acting as the verbal punching bag since Trey can just meet it with a level head and understanding. That, in turn, makes Vil feel heard and seen without being judged (which would just make Vil more critical of himself). It's not that Trey just smiles and nods along to let people get anger out of their systems, it's that he actually listens and tells them what they need to hear, but not in an overly sycophantic or condescending way. He knows what to do and say, and how to respond to get on people’s good side. (If that isn't a mastermind move, then I don't know what is 😂 Trey's a lot craftier than people give him credit for! His unassuming nature and lack of open blackheartedness just makes it harder to spot.)

What makes Vil and Trey’s relationship work is that they seem to have a mutual respect for one another, and an understanding of what the other is “truly” like. Vil knows Trey is more talented than he lets on, and Trey can give Vil that outlet he needs to speak on his real emotions. That’s why gives me such strong “parental figures” energy as well 😂

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jasminegazer · 8 months ago

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FINALLY FINISHED THIS ART PIECE

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I cannot tell you how much I struggled but it was soooooo worth it. This is just a little wholesome angst for my version of MM!/Tottmnt Venus. On the left is Venus holding her little sister Lita. To the right is Dr Tyler Rockwell holding Venus (og post that explains story right here). I don’t know why I keep doing this trend of posting more stuff about these characters when I make artwork of them but I’m starting to think about starting another MM!/Tottmnt au after Difference Between the Appearance. So ignoring that random info dump. Here’s my opinion on how Venus acts like and what her relationship with each of the boys is like:

Her Personality: Venus is a very very very very VERY weird girl. Not like creepy wolf girl weird but like Luz(Owl House) and Marcy(Amphibia) weird. She doesn’t find disgust in the casual weird creatures she meets when her and brothers are getting into shenanigans. Part of this is formed because she was raised around yokai but it’s mainly because she tends to lean towards the bright side of things in very “Welp at least it’s not completely hideous” kind of attitude. But other than that she’s just your usual dorky K-pop loving artistic teenage girl(scratch that there is absolutely nothing normal about this chi overpowered weirdo of a turtle mutant . . . but she is a fellow kpop fan). But one thing that is definitely most unique about Vee that’s sets her apart from her brothers and Jennika is that she is very proud of and comfortable with being a mutant. She doesn’t care if society doesn’t think it’s ideal. She don’t care about society’s ideals period. If it means she gets to live as her true self, which was usually being shunned and forcefully molded into something different by Big Mama, she won’t mind being rejected or called weird. This concept is something that she has raised Lita in and she usually tries to get her fellow turtle mutants to understand as she is confused why they want to be normal instead of themselves.

Vee is a hug friend/family first make sure they’re ok later kind of gal. If you’re someone she cares about deeply and something goes down, she will immediately attack you with a bear hug. She is usually very physical about her affection towards others but can also be somewhat wise when it comes to self worth and personal issues that may be affecting them. But don’t mistake her for her huggable demeanor. If you mess with her or anyone she cares about, you are dead in the water and about to get your butt whupped sooo bad. She can be short tempered with enemies but patient with allies and people in pain who she understands far too well.

PS: Venus and the main turtles don’t become siblings immediately. Though she does live with them for a while she is not officially their sister until Splinter adopts her and Lita(which would happen a month or two after Vee and Splinter meet and Splinter trains her to join his sons in battle).

Anywho now for her relationship with her bros:

Pizza and Boba: Venus and Mikey tend to be the batshit crazy duo. Always think of new crackhead ideas that their siblings could never begin to comprehend. One would stand on the other’s shoulders as they would try and reach for a vent to escape or just to snag the last pop-tart. Though Venus will tend to be a little more mature and aware of when things are getting too serious for jokes and games. They’re the 2 silly goobers of the group giving enemies nicknames. Mikey is actually the one who came up with the nickname Vee when they first met and in response Vee deemed him as Miguel. Speaking of when they met Mikey completely ignored the fact of how weird it was that they met another turtle mutant and immediately threw his trust into her hands and tried to get to her know her as much as he could. They also both try to avoid fighting the most and try to end matter’s peacefully or with a good joke.

Tech and Turquoise: Donnie and Venus probably have the closest relationship with each other out of all the brothers. They are an unstoppable in sync duo on the battlefield. Yet also a peculiar combo. Technology a passion based on logic and strict reasoning and Chi the free flow of life with no boundaries and no clear explanation. Vee opens up to Dee more than she does with anyone(even Leo) and Dee does the same(similarly to how he does with Mikey). When they first met, Dee was the one who pried the most into her past and her life as he had noticed her wounds and scars first. They both love kpop, in different ways, but it still gives Donnie someone to info dump with who will actually understand what he’s talking about. They are definitely the most sarcastic of the group and will eat you up and roast you dry if they can and whenever you dare think about trying it.

Red Fire meets Blue Fire: Raph is the must reluctant to connect with Venus considering she’s technically Big Mama’s niece. When they first met Raph drilled her with questions whenever she messed up the facade she created to protect them from Big Mama. Raph tries to ignore her interactions with him as an attempt to prepare himself for another betrayal. Once Vee finally tells the whole true story of her harsh past, he feels even more conflicted feeling sympathy for her pain. When they do eventually work out their problems Vee and Raph are the sibling duo who tease each the most but still care about each other in the end. Kind of like Luz and Hunter(Owl House). Raph and Venus are also the most short tempered of the group.

2 Shades of Blue 1 Little Sis and 1 Big Bro: Leo is the one who is the most gentle with Venus. He worries his head off about her pain after she reveals how badly she had been beaten down and then shoved back up again. She appreciates it of course but hates how much of a hypocrite he is when he calls her out for saying it’s fine after erupting like a teal volcano of chi. They hold each other up when they reach there low points. Leo always insists that he helps Vee get home after using her chi in battle for fear of her overwhelming her body(which happens quite frequently when she strains herself). And Vee always immediately swoops in and hugs her big bro when he gets upset and needs to just let it all out.

(P.S. When the boys tell her that Leo has a crush on April, Venus thinks it is the most adorable thing ever and starts cooing at her big bro immediately, causing his brothers to tease him for being adorable😜(same thing when she finds out Rasey get together))

#Youtube #tmnt mutant mayhem #tmnt venus #tmnt mm #tottmnt #tales of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt lita

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tachiguin · 1 year ago

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hi, english is not my native language, so sorry for any mistakes... you know about the songs of bsd characters? I really love your analyzes and theories, it seems like there was nothing about songs among them, maybe there are any thoughts about them?

Hello there, Anon! I'm happy to hear that you like my posts :) And thank you so much for asking; as it happens, I do know about the songs. Though if I'm being honest, the only one I listen to semi-regularly is Tanizaki's "Bewitching Screens" (usually when I'm roleplaying/writing fanfiction with him and need the inspiration).

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I do have some thoughts, though I think the reason I never posted anything about the song is because I feel like the lyrics are kind of self-explanatory anyhow, but they do reinforce my interpretation/meta of Tanizaki.

Rambles under the cut :)

His song has a very low key, chill vibe, but only at first. It goes from carefree and casual, to something with a darker, more aggressive undertone, then finally, the ending, (which I will touch on later in this post). It's representative of who Tanizaki is as a character-- the deceptive "softboy" energy he has normally, which belies his proclivity towards violence and darker psyche.

Also, it's worth noting that the lyrics kinda just come out and confirm that Tanizaki has "secrets [he doesn't] want to tell anyone", particularly in regards to "[his] existence". The song is essentially him singing about himself, repeating the usual narrative:

Maybe that’s why miscellaneous odd jobs is sort of my specialty My social status is so-so Even getting carried away is fine,

My redeeming quality is probably my diligence I don’t even want to shed blood As far as myself is concerned

But these verses always end on a darker note:

But there is only one thing I cannot forgive

But don’t cross over the forbidden territory.

Of course, I think the other reason why I never really talked much about the character songs is because I wasn't sure how much of an input Asagiri actually had in their lyrics/composition. Like sure, there's definitely some reading between the lines to be done, but at the end of the day, I felt like it didn't really tell me anything new about Tanizaki, it's just a song about what can already be deduced based on his actions in the series.

BUT! One thing I always found interesting was that his character song ends with "Sayonara" (goodbye), WHICH could be interpreted as just a melodramatic thing thrown in there for the aesthetic, but… I guess it wouldn't be me if I didn't read too deeply into things that probably aren't that deep. I do recall reading a comment once (which I cannot find atm, if you think you're the person who originally made this connection then lmk and I'll mention you if you want) that Dazai and Tanizaki's character songs both end on the "goodbye", though now that I'm actually looking into it, it's completely different, because Dazai says "goodbye" in English (a.k.a. its another "Guddo Bai" reference, which is a completely different meta that I'm certain someone else has already written)

The thing is that there's multiple different ways to say "bye" in Japanese, and "sayonara" has a certain sentimental connotation, therefore, its really awkward and a dead giveaway that you're not a native speaker if you use it in casual conversation. The correct way to say 'goodbye' to a friend would be some variant of "Jaa mata ne" (see you later then), though notably this is pretty informal and should not be used with a coworker or teacher or senior-- but I digress! The point is that "sayonara" has the implication that you may not see the other party for a long time, possibly forever.

Okay the other element here is that, assumably, he's singing to Naomi, due to this verse:

I want to protect you (I want to be here) I want to protect you (I cannot forgive this) I want to protect (the incorruptible) everything “you” are –

Which, combined with the "sayonara", really kinda makes me wonder. I think the easy interpretation to get out of this is further reinforcement of the "Naomi is actually an ability construct and her real self died in Middle School" theory, which is valid, but also, consider that the rest of the song is about who Tanizaki is. In the chorus, he asks the listener:

Slowly…look, at the illusionary screen Tell me, what do you see?

To me, it sounds like Tanizaki is asking "do you see the real me, hidden behind this facade of ordinariness?". And when he wants "to protect the incorruptible"-- he doesn't want "you" (Naomi?) to know about this darker side to him. Again, that's just what I'm getting from the song lyrics, which weren't necessarily written with Asagiri's manga canon in mind (still unsure?). But, this interpretation is supported by the fact that Tanizaki only ever snaps when Naomi is in danger, therefore unconscious, and ignorant to Tanizaki's actions following her being harmed.

Personally, I think it's a disservice to Naomi's character to think she's completely unaware of Tanizaki's darker psyche, the side of him who would literally burn the world down if it meant keeping Naomi safe, but… BSD never claimed to write women with agency :,) On the other hand, as much as Naomi acts airheaded and oblivious, we also frequently see a much more perceptive side of her, usually, when Tanizaki isn't in the picture. It's canonically stated that Naomi is, in fact, smarter and more observant than her brother, but, just like Tanizaki, this "hidden" side of her only emerges when Tanizaki isn't around to witness it.

Anyway, that was kind of off topic from the character song, but what I was getting at was that the "sayonara" means that Tanizaki has revealed his "true self" to "you"/Naomi, therefore, he's saying farewell to the peaceful illusion he had built between them— of himself, as just a "normal guy", and of their relationship, just an innocent sibling pair that used to be high-schoolers.

Hopefully my rambles satisfied your curiosity, Anon! It's a good song, and it's pretty validating for my headcanons/metas.

#junichirou tanizaki #tanizaki junichirou #bsd tanizaki #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #bsd analysis #anonymous #answered

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daily-ish-syndicate-headcanons · 1 year ago

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Soo….birthdays? What do they get for each other? Is it even possible to pull a surprise party on the constantly vigilant Technoblade?

oh my god wait. you’ve planted ideas in my head.

Phil gets everyone wholesome hashtag adorable gifts that are super meaningful and sweet. Through the powers of Being A Dad he somehow always knows exactly what to get everyone else.

Techno either gets them a gag gift or the most useful, perfect, meaningful, heartwarming gift to ever be gifted. His main love languages are gift giving and acts of service. he will either get them the dumbest thing to ever exist that somehow corresponds to some wacky inside joke, or he puts hours of consideration and work into getting a gift that will last a hundred years and have every little detail perfect. there is no in between.

Niki usually gives baked goods as gifts, usually baskets with some more essential stuff like different kinds of bread, but also pastries and cookies and the like. She’s figured out everyone’s tastes so she’ll make sure to give them stuff she knows they’ll like, but also give them new things she thinks they would enjoy.

Ranboo…. Ranboo isn’t very good at giving gifts. He tries his best, but most of his gifts aren’t very personal. It’s more that he sees that someone needs something and makes or gets it for them. Which, in a way, is pretty personal, but it’s not something like Techno’s gifts where he meticulously ensures that everything is perfect and adds tiny details that remind him of the person, Ranboo more just… finds a missing piece and fills it. He doesn’t quite understand how gifts are supposed to go, but he’s got the spirit.

Connor gets nothing but gag gifts. He cannot be serious for the fucking life of him. He will pull an inside joke from like 3 years ago out of his ass and get a gift based on that.

as for throwing parties, I feel like because of everyone’s um. issues. and past experiences. surprise parties likely wouldn’t be the best idea, so the birthday person is usually aware in advance. If they were to try to pull a surprise party on Techno, it would totally work. Techno may be constantly vigilant, but despite this he is incredibly socially oblivious. He would notice someone stalking around his property in 2 seconds flat, but his friends hiding something from him? he Cannot Tell. He gets a little too silly for that. He just thinks they’re being weirder than normal and ignores it because it’s none of his business. the voices are screaming at him.

TECHNO. TECHNO THEY’RE PLANNING SOMETHING FOR YOU.

“Chat, shut up, they’re just bein’ weird. They’re probably gettin’ cabin fever or somethin,’ we’ve been out here for months.”

TECHNO THEY’RE PLANNING A PARTY

“Chat. Chat I’m gonna lose my mind. They’re not doin’ anything. Shut up.”

#daily ish syndicate headcanons #dream smp #dsmp #the syndicate #technoblade #ranboo #nihachu #philza #connoreatspants #syndicate #birthday #theyre silly

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therevengeoffrankenstein · 1 year ago

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'son of a bitch'

i woke up at 3:33 PM in a hotel room bed with a black, personless, zip-up hoodie tucked into the sheets beside me. everyone else was out getting lunch or whatever, so i truly was alone.

i slowly lifted myself to sit upright and was immediately met with my newly black-haired reflection in the mirror across the room. i ran my fingers through my new hair. it only went down to my neck. it felt like normal hair, but cleaner than my usual. i'd had ass-length brown hair when i'd went to bed the night before.

'do you like it?' said a Voice.

He appeared in front of me, kneeling on the bed between my legs, and grabbed a fistful of my new hair and gave it a playful tug.

'yes,' i said truthfully.

'so do I,' He said, smiling with all of His perpetually off teeth.

He brought His hands to either side of my head and twirled, as best He could, my hair around His fingers. He looked down at me with something akin to sentimentality. He kissed me with His candy-boy lips in a way that made the moment feel like a perfect eternity... i closed my eyes, leaning against Him like my life depended on it... and it did.

....

i opened my eyes to see He was floating up horizontally in the air above me, gliding around the room with ease, resting His cheek on His hand.

'I love you,' He said softly.

'i love You. of course i do.' i laid back down, to which He responded by hovering inches above me, face to my face. 'i want You back in bed with me.'

He grinned wickedly. my stomach turned.

'or would you prefer This?' He asked, summoning a [REDACTED] out of thin air and cradling it gently in His arms. it clung to him in a relaxed manner, slowly bobbing its head and staring at me.

i shut my eyes hard.

'fuck You for making me This Way instead of That Way.'

His laugh echoed around the room. a warm weight pressed suddenly on my chest. i wrapped my arms around it, feeling it wiggle against me for a moment before settling.

'whatever do you mean?' He asked, playing obviously tongue-in-cheek dumb.

when i opened my eyes, there was nothing there on my chest. the weight had somehow faded off of me the same way it had appeared without my noticing. in fact, the [REDACTED] had disappeared altogether.

'have mercy upon me. really, really give it to me.'

He sang in response:

'you plead, plead, plead

to lead, lead, lead

into heaven

minutes, seven. (laugh)

going steady, (laugh)

getting ready

should be enough,

but you're not tough.

black and blue,

mercy's hues

belong to you,

so you lose, lose.'

'You never give me a straight answer.'

He giggled maniacally at this. 'We should both know by now that I physically cannot give any, uh, straight answers.'

i swiped up at Him. He dodged.

'You have cursed me and tease me with HEAVEN.'

He covered his mouth with His hand, but His eyes wrinkled with a smile.

'that's pretty cute considering that I have barely begun.'

He shifted into being [DIFFERENT REDACTED]. He lowered Himself from the air to sit down on my lap. He cupped the back of my head, lifting me to sit upright, and brought my lips to His breast. His skin was icy-warm like hers and His nipple secreted tears as milk, which i personally thought was a little heavy-handed, but i suckled onto it like a starved man, which i also supposed i was.

'I thought so.'

i pushed Him back off of me, pulling my lips away to finally look up at Him. He was Himself again. i tried to look as angry as i felt. He didn't react; He hummed softly and levitated back up into the air.

'why did You make me This Way?' i demanded, stuttering out each word as i tried and failed to stop myself from crying.

'you know I can't tell you exactly why,' He said. He sat down next to me. 'you don't even know what I have planned. baby.'

HOPE.

'I know, right. you are going to eat it all up. I promise.' He laid down next to me and tucked me against His chest. He held me close.

NEED.

'I know, right. so badly, right.'

WISH.

'more than anything, I know. it will MANifest.'

Really?

'you already see Me in the sky.'

And here.

He laughed like a human man.

'yes. I will be.'

And what about the [REDACTED]?

He smiled and faded out of existence. in His place, where the hoodie was, sat a single slice of angel cake on a decorative plate covered in cherubs. i ate the slice by hand in one bite, somehow. my stomach flipped and quivered. i moaned out loud as the blood drained from my face to my cunt.

'hey, we're back!'

if only.

i rolled over and held my aching stomach, back in bed like i asked.

#myevilposts #the epdb wip #suggestive #another one with an inciting incident so niche and absurd that i'm pretty sure if i tried to explain it i'd get put away forever.

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machinesbleedtoo · 1 year ago

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Cluster B personality disorders are manageable, actually

it's always really awkward trying to explain to people how i manage antisocial + narcissistic personality disorder well. people have a really hard time wrapping their head around the concept that We Are People and like any disorder, we can manage it with help. there's this belief that if you're a narcissist or a psychopath you're unworthy of love and a lost cause, which is what made me a monster in the first place. other people kept telling me to just be empathetic, to stop being a dick, etc; i didn't know what that meant, and so i decided other people were the problem because they did nothing but explode at me for what i thought was no reason because no one helped me understand the reason. I was meant to just "know".

i was diagnosed retroactively at 20-fucking-7, when i'd started to work out how to live like a normal person (very patient and loving friends were to blame for that). when i was thirty years old, a psychiatrist said to me: "you obviously have feelings, what do they look like for you? how do they feel?" - i didn't know how to answer him. other people had convinced me i didn't have feelings for most of my life. which is part of why i was a callous bastard - it did not help then (but it does now for the most part) that i'm really good at compartmentalization. it took me a good number of years to know how to answer his question.

i have feelings, yes; we all do. we'd be dead otherwise. they're what drive us to act on things, and the neurotransmitters that work on emotions work on physical functions as well. this assumption about a person is not an excuse to abuse them. it's no excuse to treat them like a catharsis piñata. you could be a monster, too, under the same circumstances as i or anyone who has these disorders far worse than i do.

but it's really hard for me to read myself. it takes a lot more of a feeling for it to break the surface than is normal, and i was never taught to identify what a feeling is catered to my own uniqueness (something everyone should be afforded).

and i have a disconnect between physical and emotional reactions - i didn't think i felt disgust, because i don't get a visceral response to gross things. a lot of my emotions are just different shades of anger. if something disgusts me i get an angry "get the fuck away from me" feeling, i don't gag or whatever. it does set off my diagnosed OCD in some instances, which adds anxiety to the mix.

so i'd do things like be mega stressed and not feel it, then explode outwards like a neurotic control freak because i had no idea what my limits were. or how to solve the problem i was presently facing. i had to train myself to notice the signs in my thought patterns, rather than my body.

it turns out emotional empathy is based on context; how am i supposed to react "normally" to people when i don't know what "normal" is? i used to do some awful things to people when they were experiencing fear because i didn't understand it. i thought it was quaint. in the words of a friend, i was "sciencing the shit out of the situation." i didn't get answers or understand how people worked the healthy way, so i resorted to my own measures (which, of course, did not give me the answers i sought either.)

i have a hard time telling positive and negative emotions apart, which is good in some ways - i just let myself feel things. but the feelings last not very long. and are usually delayed. i'm unable to consent to things as a 34 year old adult normally, because when presented with something i don't care, which does not mean i want it. and because i don't care, i don't know it's a "maybe" at the time. when something bad happens to me it takes me a long time to even realize, and i can't purge it. this is my burden to bear - other people cannot read my mind. but a mental breakdown would be cathartic.

to deal with this botched brain of mine, i recognize it has strengths too. i raised a very well behaved cat, because i am more uncompromising than she is. and she is not afraid when i take her to the vet, because i am a source of emotional stability for her; i'm not reactive, so it calms her. i am able to Persist doing things that are unpleasant like trimming her ass hair, and she's allowed to vent - scratch, yell, bite - and i stay Null and it's over and she doesn't hide or run away because a) she was allowed to express the discomfort b) it was over quickly, which it wouldn't be if i let her carrying on make me stop the ordeal.

i am able to spot an anxious person from across the room. i was exploited a lot when i was young, and so it felt natural to exploit other people in vulnerable positions - something i mistakenly thought i was incapable of. i was always so good at spotting them with this predator brain of mine.

but i started to instead ask those people if they are okay. at first it felt insincere and bad and stupid because i wasn't Allowed to show care for other people, because psychopaths don't do that, because it's always mean spirited or fake when they do. but it became a habit. and it became normal. and it became a strength of mine. i do it because it's the right thing to do - i don't personally have to feel emotional about it for that to be real.

i am able to admit mistakes and apologize because i know when i need to, since my brain cycles through a narcissism spiral, and it's like -- bitch if you're reacting that severely you know you're wrong. it was another thing that sucked and felt insincere to begin with, but with practice it got easier. and with practice it caused me less discomfort. when my brain says arrogant things i respond with citation needed. my neuroscience education certainly helps with my perspective reorientation too.

i'm heavily medicated for these disorders + ADHD + OCD, which helps curb the anger and impulsiveness. i am really good at working with people now - these things being managed and my clinical nonplussed nature makes communication easy. i am able to de-escalate situations well, too.

i've had people apologize for crying, but i was so focused on listening to them i didn't notice - so they didn't have to feel bad about it. because i don't care that they're crying. i care about them. an intellectual sense of care is something everyone carries; it's what makes us choose to be patient, to listen, to mitigate the damage emotional reactivity can cause.

i have high cognitive empathy; i might not react to the emotional state of another person, but i know that my read on the situation will be inaccurate. so i simply ask them what they need, without assumption. this is something i wish more people were able to do. i get very uncomfortable with platitudes, personally - because i just can't relate to them at all and i feel pressured to Perform emotionally. that's just one example of different needs.

there's a lot more i could write about here - and i'm not really sure why i decided to write this now. i guess because the world is very painful lately, and these disorders get used as insults, as armchair diagnoses of people we don't like. there's a myriad of ways to be an asshole. maybe don't contribute to the problem of neglect that creates monsters like the one i could have become.

i am no longer 'a psychopath' because i no longer score on the checklist. but i carry these disorders with me, and i will forever, and i'm grateful that there were people in my life despite it all that loved me anyway.

a disclaimer:

i'd hazard against self-diagnosing these things; you might be on the autism spectrum (most of my close friends are, because we compliment eachother quite well in how our brains work), or have psycopathy-like traits during manic episodes, or have a lack of empathy because of apathy. you might have alexithymia from other causes. etc. i was assessed by both a psychiatrist with a criminology degree and one specializing in personality disorders.

#psychopath #aspd #actually npd #mental health

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sinfulpunishment · 11 months ago

Text

✎ᝰ┆… And To Letting Go

─❏ Warnings: none

─❏ Characters: Oda Sakunosuke, mentioned Ango Sakaguchi

─❏ Synopsis: Read by a man standing in front of his friend’s grave in the rain.

─❏ A/N: part two of the oda goodbye letters

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Dearest Ango,

I am well aware that last we spoke it was not on… the best of terms, but I am also aware that there must be a reason for your actions. I don’t believe I blame you, nor am I really upset with you.

Besides, you should be focused on other matters and not any guilt you may feel for what you’ve done. For example, you should be getting more rest instead of staying up so late to do work, maybe then you wouldn’t have to rely on coffee so much. At this point though, I know your coffee order, but it’s very simple: two shots of espresso, and sometimes a biscotti alongside it. Though, I know you prefer the coffee I make over any other coffee shop nearby. It’s strange, I wouldn’t say that my coffee is any better than someone who dedicated their life to it, but if you really like it that much then I’ll always make you a pot.

I am sorry things aren’t going to be able to go back to how they used to be. I know it’s hard, our time together meant a lot to you, even now I can tell it’s hard for you to let go. Sometimes I also catch myself daydreaming of a time in which we all are free men, and we can lead normal lives together, as friends. I know you like antiques, right? I wish I could have gone antiquing with you then. I also wish we all could have gone somewhere like the beach together, or maybe even the aquarium.

But we can’t. Things are different now, and soon I won’t be with you two anymore.

I only hope that you continue to do what’s right, you are a rather kind person deep down, I know that. I hope you’re able to hold onto a copy of that photo of us, just for yourself, that way you can at least have a picture to capture that small period of time. I still want you to be able to let go though, you’ll have to, you cannot get stuck in the past and what could have been. By the time you read this, what’s done will have been done and there will be no turning back.

Just promise me this much: that you’ll take care of yourself and Dazai, for me.

For you, treat yourself well and take care of yourself, learn how to make your own espresso or find a coffee shop you really like. Try getting more rest too, and remember not to let your work completely control your life.

As for Dazai, just keep an eye on him. I do not know what path he will walk down, if he will stay in the Port Mafia or leave to find a better life; Of course, I hope he chooses the latter.

I know you could help him get out of any serious trouble, he doesn’t always make the safest decisions. But, he’s smart. He may not always seem to make the “best choices”, but things always seem to work out for him, he always plans ahead. Even if he doesn’t like you, not that I think that he absolutely hates you, he is still bound to you by the bond we all formed.

If you ever visit my resting place, don’t bring yellow flowers, Dazai hates yellow and we both know he’ll visit me too. Maybe bring a bottle of Scotch and two shot glasses, open a bottle for me and save me a glass.

Oh, before I forget, you did know of my dream to be a novelist, right? To sit at a desk, with a window overlooking the sea so I can hear the waves crash to the shore with a certain rhythm to it that you have to spend years around to even understand—I’m getting ahead of myself.

I wanted to leave that novel to you, Ango. I trust that you can write well, and you would know what I would have liked to read. It’s just that this is very important to me. Of course, you don’t have to. Make sure to leave me a copy if you do though, maybe even come and read it to me if you have time, I know you’re a busy man.

I know things are different between us, but I still wish nothing for the best for you, my friend. Don’t forget to visit our usual spot every now and then, greet the bartender for me, won’t you?

This is goodbye now, write for me.

To the stray dogs, and to letting go.

— Oda Sakunosuke

to an overworked friend.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #odango #oda sakunosuke #bsd odasaku #bsd ango #ango sakaguchi #dark era bsd #bsd buraiha #buraiha trio #sinfulpunishment

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teecupangel · 1 year ago

Note

I would LOVE to see a crossover between demon slayer & assassin’s creed , like it was something that I’m dying to see ever since I got back into the AC franchise in October.

Also I think you should know about Edward, Shay, and Evie JPN VA’s , BC HOLY SHIT

Kenjiro Tsuda is Edward and NOBODY talks about it and the man is a LEGEND along with the other legends! I relate Edward and Kishibe from CSM bc they both love booze and women. Evie voices Annie from AOT and Shay does Caesar from JJBA battle tendency

(This is kinda an offshoot of this 'what if AC and Demon Slayer characters with the same jp voices meet' idea)

Alright, before we go gushing over the jp voices of the other main characters, let’s first talk about an Assassin’s Creed x Demon Slayer Crossover.

This… will have spoilers for Demon Slayer so Imma put it in a Read More. This will take the backstory of both Demon Slayer and coat it in Assassin’s Creed Isu Bullshit to make this more on the side of ‘two series getting blended together with Isu ice’ crossover than a ‘these characters appear in this series’ crossover.

Game?

Okay, let’s do this.

(sidenote, my fingers are so used to typing Desmond that whenever I want to write Demon, it usually goes “Desmon” so if I missed any Desmon misspelling, let me know XD)

So, Muzan’s experimental treatment happened during the Heian period (794 to 1185) and we won’t get into that much detail about this time but the year is important because this is smack dab (1090) in the middle of the year the Assassin Brotherhood was created (or had transitioned from the Hidden Ones).

So, in this crossover, the experimental treatment that was supposed to save Muzan was created using a failed Isu experiment that an off-branch of the Order of the Ancients have found and were doing human experiments to check if it was possible to use it to prolong their lives like the legends of the misthios who was still hunting them down.

Now, we are using the Order of the Ancients in this one for one simple reason: the Templar Order is still building its presence from the ashes of the Order of the Ancients’ main branch in England and is currently under the ideology of King Aelfred. They’re too busy preparing for their ‘grand entrance’ to do human experiments at the moment (and many members would consider such thing beneath them or against their personal interpretation of the Order of which the Templar Order was meant to usher in).

So, Muzan is gets turned into a demon by this experiment and the Order of the Ancients became his first victims and he tortured + experimented on them to learn the truth. By the time Kassandra gets there, it was already too late. Muzan has created his first few demons to create that specific demon that might ‘cure’ him. Kassandra’s high Isu genes meant that she could do feats that normal humans cannot do and these skills gave her an edge in fighting the demons together with the hidden blade she now possessed.

She managed to take down the demons Muzan created (which was a good thing because they were about to tell Muzan about the Isus) and she fought Muzan as well. Unfortunately, she was unable to defeat him and Muzan tries to turn her into a demon as well… to enslave her to him.

The Isu ‘tech’ that was used to make Muzan into a demon reacted to Kassandra differently though and instead she seemingly died after having a severe seizure.

Muzan left disappointed but an hour later, Kassandra gasps as she opened her eyes.

She doesn’t know what happened and if the Staff had been the one to save her or not but she retreats for now, knowing it would be futile to take Muzan alone.

She needed allies…

From Heian Period to The Third Crusades/Kamakura period:

Kassandra makes contact with the Ubuyashiki family and helps in the creation of the Demon Slayer Corps (more as a secret co-conspirator because she knows Muzan would hunt her and the Ubuyashiki family if he learns she lived)

She tried to contact the Hidden Ones as well but learned that the Hidden Ones are no more, having been absorbed by the Assassin Brotherhood who are currently ‘unavailable’ so Kassandra is on her own at the moment.

Kassandra would leave Japan to finally contact the Assassin Brotherhood once she was sure that the Demon Slayer Corps could handle their own. She meets with their current mentor, Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, to talk about the demon problem in Japan.

Altaïr joins her in Japan to check the situation himself, leaving the Brotherhood to Malik Al-Sayf, and they learn that the Apple cannot control them at all yet they could be misled by the Apple’s illusions. It’s thru Altaïr’s studies with the Apple that they learn why Kassandra survived Muzan trying to turn her into a demon. Those with high concentrated Isu genes have varying immunity to being turned into demons and there is a defense mechanism in play in certain individuals to keep them from turning into demons. Altaïr says that this mechanism is only in certain people and, if they drink blood from either Muzan or Kassandra (who has been ‘infected’ in a sense), they would gain a similar immortality that Kassandra possessed.

Things happened, the demons attack, Altaïr is wounded saving the current Oyakata-sama and Kassandra berates him for being reckless. Altaïr tells her that his wounds are too severe so Kassandra agrees to let him drink her blood. Altaïr doesn’t turn into a demon but is revived as effectively an immortal like Kassandra (although the infection made the Staff’s immortality setup moot, making both Kassandra and Altaïr not age but be able to die if their body takes too much damage). Altaïr returns to Masyaf to make preparation to branch out the Brotherhood before it became clear he was no longer aging.

Once everything is done, Altaïr relinquishes his title to Malik and tells everyone that he will create a Brotherhood in Japan. The Japanese Brotherhood would look after Templar activities (which seemed to be in the bud at the moment) while helping the Demon Slayer Corp in their endeavours to kill demons and find and take out Muzan once and for all.

Unfortunately, Kassandra and Altaïr’s appearances made Muzan realize that, if he wants to survive and reach his goal, keeping his plans in Japan is not the way to go.

They hear rumors that Muzan left Japan and now Kassandra and Altaïr go their separate ways to try and find Muzan.

Sidebar: Altaïr definitely went to the Island of Tsushima to fight off the Mongols and he reunites with his oldest son Darim there who told him that Sef is now the mentor. Altaïr gives Darim his Armor of Altaïr (that’s not the original name, Altaïr named it the Sunlight Armor but… uuhhh… the name got changed later on due to… time) and the eagle sword forged in Scarlet Crimson Iron Sand and Scarlet Ore. He has his own nichirin sword and he warns Darim that if they were ever faced with an enemy that seemed unworldly, use his sword or their hidden blades.

The original hidden blades used by the Hidden Ones (most of which were used by the Assassins in Alamut and Masyaf) were forged from Scarlet Crimson Iron Sand and Scarlet Ore as well. It’s unclear where the Hidden Ones got the ores and sands but Kassandra has an inkling it’s connected to a mysterious merchant ally of the Hidden Ones that she only heard the name of “Thousand Eyes”. Altaïr had requested that more hidden blades be created for the Brotherhood in Japan and that they ship a few of them to the other branches to give them a chance in case a demon gets there.

Renaissance Italy/Muromachi(Sengoku) Period:

Altaïr gets to Italy because he learns of an Apple being transported into Venice. By the time he gets there, the Apple is in the hands of Ezio Auditore who had retaken it from the Templars after an epic punch out in the Vatican. He managed to get to the Italian Brotherhood’s main headquarters, Monteriggioni, just in time to warn them about the army he saw on his way to them.

A lot of people do a doubletake because, yeah, he looks a lot like the statue of Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad but he just waves it off as him being a descendant because there’s no way he was going to say ‘yeah, I’m the real deal and I’m sorta immortal at the moment because there is a much larger problem than Templars right now.’

He helps them protect the town but they knew that they had to leave. The Papal Army will return with more soldiers and they wouldn’t bat an eye razing the entire town into the ground just to ‘clean’ the taste of defeat from their mouth.

They all go to Rome with many of the civilians joining them and Altaïr gets sucked into the whole ‘let’s get all of Rome against the Borgias!’ plan.

He and Ezio become friends and he also becomes a close advisor to Ezio’s early years as a mentor, just to help him get to his feet and figure out by himself what kind of mentor he wants to be.

Ezio also lets Altaïr study the Apple and the two Apples resonant with one another, showing Altaïr and Ezio a blurry vision of someone. Ezio believes that person is the one the goddess call Desmond. Altaïr doesn’t understand why but he also believes that Ezio is right. That person is Desmond…

Cesare still poisons his father and runs away, Ezio and Altaïr chase after him but Altaïr is distracted by the appearance of three demons who tried to kill him while Ezio continued to chase after Cesare. Feeling dread in the pits of his stomach, Altaïr takes care of the three demons and tried to find Ezio and Cesare.

He’s just in time to see Cesare pierce Ezio’s stomach and it was clear that Cesare had become a demon, Ezio didn’t let that deter him, using the sword Altaïr had given to Darim all those years before to behead Cesare. As his head and body fell to the cliff below as it disintegrated, Ezio falls to his knees.

Altaïr gives him his blood before he dies because he knows, something inside him knows, that Ezio is one of the people with the defense mechanism. Ezio is revived and he returns to Italy with Altaïr.

After he was sure the Brotherhood would be okay even if he was no longer the mentor, Ezio joined Altaïr in traveling to Masyaf because Ezio had a vision when he was turned of a castle that, when he described it to Altaïr, sounded a lot like Masyaf. Although Altaïr has no idea what this supposed door underneath Masyaf was meant to be. There was no door there before.

The Ezio-Sofia thing happens in the background and it takes them longer to find the memory seals (which now contain memories of Sef). The last memory seal they find is actually in Sef’s resting place in Alexandria and Sef directly talks to Altaïr, “Father, I know you’re out there somewhere. I made all of these because of a dream I had. I cannot truly explain it but… there is something in Masyaf that must be kept a secret until you return. Once you see it… you will understand what must be done to keep the world safe from the darkness crueler than the Templars will ever be.”

When they finally entered the underground ‘garden’ (as legends go, it was a garden that Sef had tended every day), it’s dark but they could see something blue glowing at the center. Once they were close enough, they realize it was a flower bed of blue spider lilies.

And, in the center of the flower bed, a man was sleeping. No. He wasn’t moving at all.

Was he dead?

They cautiously stepped closer and the moment Ezio and Altaïr were by the edge of the flower bed, the slightly glowing blue spider lilies glowed brightly before slowly losing all colors, turning into white spider lilies. It started from the edge then slowly moved inward until the last blue spider lilies to lose their color were the ones underneath the man.

A second pass…

And the man gasped as he sat up.

He turned to look at the two men staring at him and blinked as he called out, “Altaïr? Ezio?”

They don’t know how or why but both of them answered, “Desmond…”

Dun dun dun!

Yup. Ending it there at the moment because this was getting looonngg. I’ll continue with the Kenway family drama another time (and, this time, we get Kassandra and Edward duking it out in naval combat).

I am thinking if we should make Haytham and Shay immortals OR, let’s add lots of Kenway family drama in this one (as well as Dorian-Cormac feud) by making them both demons instead (and they’ll be part of the Twelve Kizukis). I’m honestly leaning toward the latter XD.

Sorry if this was light on the Demon Slayer characters but the main characters of Demon Slayer won’t be born until the Taisho Era (1910ish) but, at that point, you bet the story would be much more different since there’s gonna be butterfly effects.

Other than that, yes, we are making Desmond the living embodiment of the blue spider lilies that Muzan was looking for because I show my love to Desmond by making his life complicated XD

========================

Now, let’s gush over the JP voices of the other AC main characters.

Before anything else…

Desmond Miles is voiced by Hiroki Tōchi

Who voices as a lot of older men types (Malik from Tales, General Cross from D.Gray-man, Ovan from .hack, Mael from Seven Deadly Sins and Klaus from Valkyria Chronicles) which I find funny. He’s also the jp voice of Gavin Reed (Detroit Become Human), Chris Redfield (RE) and Nathan Drake (Uncharted).

Funny thing? He voiced Toki from Fist in the North Star in the 2010 anime adaptation BUT Tomokazu Seki (EZIO) took over for the 2010 and 2013 video games.

AND to make things even funnier, Haytham is voiced by Kenyu Horiuchi who voiced Toki in the 2023 Fitness Boxing game and the Legend of Raoh anime. XD

(honestly, there’s a lot of Fist of the North Star voice actors in Assassin’s Creed with Altaïr’s voice actor being one of the go-to voices of Kenshiro XD)

Edward Kenway is voiced by Kenjiro Tsuda (yeeesss, he’s definitely a Legend! He’s freaking Seto Kaiba!)

He also voiced Gris/Gregory from Fire Emblem, Luis Sera from the RE4 remake, Zeke from Xenoblade Chronicles 2, Zaveid from Tales, CHIKAGE from Hakuoki, FIRE EMBLEM from Tiger & Bunny, TATSU from The Way of the Househusband, NANAMI from Jujutsu Kaisen, Overhaul from MHA/BNHA, and have I already said that he voiced Seto Kaiba from YuGiOh? Yeah? Well, he voiced Seto Kaiba from YuGiOh. I think the best part is that he voiced Hannes from AOT. Hhhmmmm… parental figure to a main character that has dirty blond hair and is using alcohol to cope with the bad shit in his life only to die in front of said main character? Lollollol (also, also, Kishibe, Hannes, and Edward would definitely try to drink each other under the table)

Evie Frye is voiced by Yu Shimamura

As @ullyaboo has already said, voiced Annie in AOT, she’s also the voice of Zelda in TOTK, Mature in 2018 King of Fighters game (who was usually voiced by Hiroko Tsuji), Cindy from FFXV, Shinobu from JoJo, and Ilina from Chaika.

Once more, Rogue’s voice actors are not in Behind the Voice Actors so I had to doublecheck with the jp wiki. XD

Shay Cormac’s voice actor is Takuya Satou

Who voices CAEEESSAAARRRR in JoJo (sidenote: Old man Joseph is voiced by Unshō Ishizuka who voices William Miles XD), Machias from Trails, Albert James Moriarty from Moriarty, Conrad and Abel from Fire Emblem, and Alphen in Tales.

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