#which i frankly didn't really like
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ACK I FORGOT TO FINISH WATCHING UN-GO. THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I'D PLANNED TO DO OVER BREAK BUT I FORGOT
#i started watching it a little less than a year ago#after i'd finished reading sakaguchi ango's meiji enlightenment series#which i frankly didn't really like#something about his style just didn't click with me#or maybe it was the translation#i can hardly remember anything that happened in them#or the nonserial murders#i watched two episodes of un-go and then kind of lost motivation for watching it#it's funny to me how vocaloid exist in it though#.txt
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While rereading mdzs I am once again shocked by how talked about the "you were the only mistake he ever made" line from Lan Xichen to Wei Wuxian is and how heated it gets some people because honestly... I don't think he actually even believes that.
Stay with me. Look at the actual line. (I Included 2 translations for comparison's sake)
Firstly, yes he is mad at Wei Wuxian in this scene. But his biggest moment of anger was actually before this. By this point he's realized that Wei Wuxian forgot what happened after nightless city (and therefore ISN'T stringing along his baby brother on purpose) so he has in fact calmed down a bit.
Secondly, notice that he starts by talking about how his uncle felt. This is not Lan Xichen making a value statement about what he thinks. When he says Lan Wangji was proper and righteous he is talking about him being a model lan, he's talking about their family and clan's perspective of Wangji. Indeed, in their eyes, Wei Wuxian is the only time Lan Wangji was ever not the textbook perfect Lan.
Thirdly, what is Lan Xichen trying to say here? What is he mad at Wei Wuxian for? It's that he doesn't know Lan Wangji is in love with him. His anger is eased by realizing Wei Wuxian doesn't remember the very blatant confessions lwj made in the cave after nightless city, or Lan Wangji fighting his own clan elders for Wei Wuxian, and so had no way of knowing the whipmarks on Lan Wangji's back were related to him. But he is still mad, he still thinks Wei Wuxian should have been able to figure it out. So what does he highlight?
The fact that the only thing Lan Wangji, perfect model-Lan righteous Lan Wangji, ever defies his clan for is Wei Wuxian.
And Wei Wuxian has seen him do this! Even if he doesn't remember this one instance. Because Lan Wangji has been doing that the whole story through. Wei Wuxian has watched Lan Wangji blatantly stand against the entire cultivation world for him, and here Lan Xichen is highlighting just how unusual that is, how much Wei Wuxian must mean to Lan Wangji that he's willing to do that. The important part of the sentence here is not "mistake" it's "only."
Lan Xichen here isn't trying to say that he disapproves of Wei Wuxian, or telling him to stay away from his brother. Remember, the thing that made him mad in the first place was Wei Wuxian saying that he and Lan Wangji slept in seperate rooms. He thought they were together! He's mad because they're not!
At no point does Lan Xichen say he individually considers Lan Wangji's feelings for Wei Wuxian a mistake. If he ever did, it's clear he accepted them regardless long ago. Mistake or not, what he wants is for his little brother to be happy.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#lan xichen#For the record even IF he really did think of wwx as a mistake I think he's owed a moment of pettiness!#he's wrong but when i see people cite it as a major reason they dislike him i'm like... everyone in this novel is a war criminal#but frankly that's not so relevant because looking at the text... he doesn't think that!#he's consistently pro wangxian the whole story through. this speech is literally the catalyst to wwx confessing his feelings to lwj!!#frankly for a shovel talk – which it basically is– this whole thing is MILD. there weren't even any death threats!#also!! it drive me up the all when people mistake the intentional xiyao wangxian parralels in this scene as a personal dig on lxc#Yes! Xiyao and wangxian are foils! everyone seeing wwx as a stain on hanguang-jun's reputation but the venerated triad as an honorable bond#only for wangxian to end up happy and lan xichen with both his sworn brothers dead... that's the themes baby!!! can't trust reputations!!#but then people get mad like 'wow how DARE he say that when HE liked jgy!' that's the point!! miss mxtx did that on purpose!#Also lan xichen is VERY aware at this point just how much jgy lied to him! It's not like he's still in his a-yao is innocent era#He is LITERALLY a hostage! He is processing all of this as we speak!#he's less 'YOU are a mistake and i wish wangji didn't love you! unlike me who has never trusted anyone i shouldn't'#and more 'my entire life is falling apart right now and my little brother is the only one in my family who might still get a happy ending-#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU???'
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Ridley Scott: I made a film about two rival officers constantly duelling throughout and in the aftermath of the Napoleonic Wars, and now I've actually done a film about Napoleon!
Me: Great! Could you also do a film about Baron Dominique Jean Larrey, a vital innovator in European battlefield surgery and triage, often considered the first military surgeon; who pioneered the ambulance volantes ("Flying ambulances") to quickly transport wounded men from the battlefield, effectively creating a forerunner of the modern MASH units; co-led the team that performed one of the first accurately recorded pre-anaesthetic mastectomies in Western medicine; was spotted helping wounded men while under heavy fire during the Battle of Waterloo by the Duke of Wellington who purposefully ordered for his soldiers not to fire in Larrey's direction; and when captured by the Prussians after the battle was about to be executed on the spot when he was recognised by one of the German surgeons, who pled for his life because he had saved the life of Field Marshall Blücher's son some years earlier?
Ridley Scott:
Ridley Scott: Um.
Me: Yeah. Didn't think so.
#Yeah; Baron Larrey was one of my dad's heroes#When we went to Père Lachaise Cemetery we went partly to honour his grave#ridley scott#Baron Dominique Jean Larrey#baron larrey#Dominique Jean Larrey#napoleon 2023#the duellists#the duellists 1977#check out the duellists; it's a REALLY good film!#Larrey did a lot of other stuff that I didn't mention; otherwise I'd just be vomiting the wikipedia page#He was a close favourite of Napoleon and went on the Egyptian campaign#he started a school in Cairo where he researched opthalmy (inflammation of the eye)#He made sure that all soldiers (not just French and their allies) were treated#The mastectomy was to treat suspected breast cancer#(unknown to this day if there actually was cancer but perhaps better safe than sorry)#and the patient was Frances Burney#who frankly deserves a film or tv series of her own#If you're up for it she wrote her own description of what the operation was like; which is there to read on her wikipedia page#Whether or not her breast WAS cancerous she lived another thirty years#Ironically her husband DID die of cancer#anyway#*jazz hands*
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Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.
#I've never been interested in Riordan's work and the Percy Jackson books I did read as a young lad didn't change my mind on that topic#Growing up I preferred a very one or the other method for my greek adaptational content#which essentially means either you're a play or an adaptation of a legit story or myth with recogniseable figures and plotpoints#or you're an original story with mythical elements but the myths and the adaptations and interpretations of those myths is secondary#Percy Jackson did both and it was very disorienting for me because the books were well grounded enough that when I came into contact#with some element I didn't recognise or couldn't remember I myself would get confused and go “Is that true? like really?? :0c”#Then I ran a library book club and Percy Jackson books were p much all the kids wanted to read#but they rejected all of my supplementary greek myth exercises and got a lot of stuff mixed around#because percy jackson does a rather good job of making a convincing argument that it knows its stuff and people will quicker cite that#than do readings of the much more difficult older texts and translations of text#It's not Percy Jackson's fault it's just a bad experience that stuck with me and by extension leaked over into Trials of Apollo when that#was released#Trials of Apollo was crazy because I generally make it my business to consume any and all greek myth interpretational media that bothers#to include Apollo (there is a shockingly low amount of things that do that)#however a LOT of novels especially never let Apollo retain the dignity of a god in their portrayals of him#and have him resemble a teenager more than anything even remotely close to an adult#I had just gotten finished reading a novel adaptation of the story of Coronis and Apollo with this same issue#so when I opened the first volume of ToA and saw that Apollo simply genuinely WAS a teenager#Frankly I just closed the book and put it back on the bookstore shelf and very calmly walked away LMFAO#I have nothing to say about Hellenists and neo hellenists y'all seem like wonderful people and I hope#you have a lovely time with your e-offerings and worship#unless you are my single personal friend with Apollo as your patron#then I wish you 1000 woes and 10000 divine brain blasts#toa#pjo#ginger rambles
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Wiggins!) the bizarre thing about the vampire men in the cullen family all seem to be at least subconsciously what Smeyer wants Bella to have but can’t seem to get over her initial vision of what she saw in her drafts or whatever. It’s odd that every single one of the Cullen men are like strongly devoted (but mostly devoid of personality because it’s so Bella centric) but when you compare them to Edward they seem interesting in some ways. Like Narratively we’re supposed to have this threat that Edward is constantly holding back from killer her but I don’t feel like we see that. Conversely, Jasper is constantly the one who is suffering about human smells and is the more vampire-like. But he’s also a glorified lap dog. So it’s like ‘oh he’s a monster but he’ll never hurt me” (things Alice has said out loud. Man even psychics slip up. I swear her powers weren’t so accurate until Smeyer needed an excuse for plot reasons)
Emmett feels like when some women say they like waifish guys because they don’t want to seem like they’re vapid for liking “big dudes with muscles” so of course you pair Emmett with the “shallow blonde”
Carlisle, I swear only exists so Edward has someone to model but I would also argue that he’s proto-Edward before whatever reworking she had to do when writing Twilight for a YA audience and brought him back as a different character.
Yeah a rant
hello again bestie Wiglet! (note to self: learn Photoshop so i can shop Jacob's bad wig onto a pic of Piglet)
this is such an interesting take! thanks for sharing. i totally see what you're saying. in all the Cullen men we see both a blend of softness & devotion *and*, interestingly enough, a patchwork of patriarchal ideas of what a man "should" be. & this idea comes to the forefront with the depiction of the love interests
smeyer wants us to see Edward as the chivalric gentlemen from the Days of Yore. we see this in the opening doors, the cutsey little romance taglines ("you are my life now," "look after my heart; i've left it with you," "so the lion fell in love" etc), the knight saving the damsel in distress, the expensive tokens of his affection, etc.
at the same time, in both Edward & Jacob we see the crude traits of the Patriarchy Dreamboat kinda guy. if i had to sum it up, it's like the guy you see in 80s movies. "bad boy." "opposites attract." he's a jerk. he's a hunk. he's domineering. he's allowed to show emotion only & especially if that emotion is anger. he's persistent in his efforts to get the girl, going so far as to kiss her without her consent if it's For a Good Cause (Edward in New Moon post-Volterra, Jacob in Eclipse). he's a cool guy who's In Control 👉😎👉
perhaps that's why the Twilight saga appealed so such a large swath of women & girls. the women, who grew up with the notion that they could have the true love of their dreams so long as they submitted to the patriarchal social contract, saw the contract being fulfilled in Edward. (i.e., "you can be the king if you treat me like a princess.")
on the other hand, the 90s/00s girlies who grew up in the midst of a feminist revolution & who could see the glimmer of a dismantled patriarchy on the horizon were attracted to Edward for the flashes of radical feminist love they saw: the unapologetic expressions of emotion, the honesty of him sharing his vulnerabilities & weaknesses, Bella's ability to override Edward's will when necessary, etc.
sorry, i know this isn't really the crux of the rant you submitted, but it is extremely interesting to see these contradictions playing out in all the male characters of the saga. it's almost like smeyer is having this internal debate with herself without even realizing it...
#twilight meta#twilight renaissance#the twilight saga#i have been reading too much bells hooks (jk that's impossible) and have been thinking about radical feminist theory &#how it actually both applies and does not apply to twilight#i've been wanting to write a meta about it but fuck it#fuckmeyer 2.0 only takes meta requests i guess#anyway you brought up a really good point about how the cullen men are all a mix of what smeyer wanted Edward to be#and yet she was too afraid to realize the vision to its fullest extent#like yes she wants the muscles but she wants Edward to be soft and loving and delicate#and she wants Edward to have an Unforgivable Past but not SO unforgivable that he's completely damaged goods#and she wants him to be Devoted but not SO devoted that he's 'pussywhipped'#and she wants the devout religiosity and Goodness of Carlisle but she recognizes at the same time that women & readers want conflict#my response was getting long and frankly i didn't want to derail or dtract any further from the facts you were spitting but#i see what you're saying and i think you touch on something very incisive about the vision versus the execution of twilight#if we imagine a saga in which Edward WAS balls-to-the-wall Edward...what kind of character would we see?#that is another meta for another time but WOW am i thinking about this Intently and how different the saga would be if smeyer were to Commi#thanks for sending this my way!!!#cheers <3
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#VENT#VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours#they asked if i could do 30#and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max#now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least#and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college#but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything#and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse#whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly#i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me#has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no#he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING#im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist#he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl#and to top it all off#i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked#because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent#nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard#and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to#turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely
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I have a theory that someone else has probably already put out but I haven't seen it so here we go.
I don't think Alastor is actually all that powerful.
Propaganda under the cut.
There are a lot of things that make me think this but we'll start with the first and frankly most obvious to me.
His methodology. Alastor's main thing is making contracts and deals. When we're first introduced to him in the pilot, its with a warning to never make a deal with him. While plenty of other Overlords obviously wheel and deal, I think Alastor's are different. They're more binding and more dangerous because they're his modus operandi.
Another thing is his seeming lack of territory. Every Overlord has actual terf that we see them in, except for Alastor. This could be from lack of interest, or due to having been gone so long, or what have you but it seemed like a strange thing to have not mentioned. In addition, Carmilla, who was leading a meeting on the property and interests of all the represented Overlords and how to protect it, was utterly dismissive of his sudden return. Which to me implies that whatever he controls is likely minimal at best. Meaning him being there is pretty inconsequential to the larger picture. Dude was able to disappear for seven years and it was mostly fine? So what does he actually have?? (My only thought honestly is that maybe the air is his space since radio waves and all. That would honestly be broke as hell but there's no real evidence for this, is would just be really cool.) As much as Vox as making a dig at him, he did have a good point that the reach of radio has certainly died down over the years. While that alone doesn't mean Alastor's power has waned, its not really a *good* sign for him. He still has speakers all over but that and one really rundown store front with a single radio are really the only traces we see of him outside of the hotel.
This bit is conjecture, but when talking about his past, not only does no one ever mention HOW he killed so many powerful Overlords, they don't go into detail about much at all. There's every chance that he could have contracted them the same way he did with Husk and either forced or waited for them to break their end of their deals and THEN used them as fodder to terrorize the masses. Most of his power comes from fear and word of mouth. Most people don't even bother fucking with him because they've heard the stories, or the broadcast.
Which brings me to my next point: The Broadcasts. There are a LOT of ways that Alastor and Vox parallel each other and I can't help but wonder if using their medium to deceive people isn't one of them. So far a lot of the magic we see Alastor use is largely illusionary. Phantoms and shadows and temporary changes of environment. So what if his broadcasts are the same? What if he DOESN'T kill the Overlords he claims to have and instead used his broadcast to simulate it instead. Like War of the Worlds, but on purpose. Honestly it would be smart of him, especially if he's NOT as strong as he seems. This is also conjecture but if he made deals with those Overlords instead, he could still have them stashed away somewhere and just be calling on them and their power as needed. (Also: Husk. This man is a constant pain in the ass and usually disrespectful at best. The only time he pops off on him about it though is when Husk mentions his deal which is really just a big No-No. But he still only *threatens him* which to me implies that he actually does need him. If not for his services, even if only for the power granted by his contract. In the same way that Val doesn't actually kill Angel or anything because he can't REALLY afford to, so he controls him in other ways. If Al isn't this super strong demon, he can't really afford to just go wasting the contracts hes got due to momentary irritation when he can bring them back to heel with some light terror.)
The next thing that makes me think he's probably not super powerful is his fight with Adam. Not because he lost (I firmly believe he only actually lost because he was fucking around most of the time/ wasn't fighting for loved ones) but because of the form he took to do it. He was in a life or death fight with an ostensibly high ranking angel, and yet he didn't pull out anything more than he would have used to fight other sinners. Sure, that could be him being prideful, but I just don't think so. Home boy was being recorded and presumably knew that, if he was being prideful shouldn't he have gone balls to the wall??
In relation to that, he also made a deal himself. Not that we know what it was for or who its with, but would someone as control oriented as Alastor really make a deal if he didn't HAVE to? Overlords don't just DO that, there had to have been a compelling reason and honestly assuming Alastor isn't as strong as he makes himself out to be gives a very good opening for it.
Smaller detail, but it still matters, the smiling. He very clearly uses it as both a shield and a tool to help him maintain control of a situation. Thats not really the kind of thing you think of and commit to if you're the strongest person in the room. Covering up weaknesses obsessively is the sort of thing someone who's fronting does so their secret stays exactly that.
In the same vein, the way he reacted to Lucifer. He was threatened, which is understandable given that Luci is leagues above even the strongest Overlords, but I think it was slightly more than that. Having Lucifer around would make it drastically obvious very quickly that Al isn't as strong as he claims. So of course he tries to unbalance the situation and put focus somewhere else, the same as he always does. (Its actually the same thing he does in his duet with Vox. I'm almost certain Vox IS actually stronger than Alastor but hes so wrapped up in Al's head games he might never notice.)
It's honestly unclear if this has always been the case with him, or if its a result of his deal or his time away or something else entirely, but to me it seems incredibly likely. Alastor mostly keeps order and power through fear, not through enormous shows of power. And even those when he does them are strategic and mostly against opponents he knows are weaker than him. He's clever as all fuck, and still very dangerous for it but I don't think hes actually all that physically powerful.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#the radio demon#i love him I really do but this has been bothering me since the pilot#hes a mover and a shaker and I'm pretty sure hes hustling all of hell#which is frankly fucking impressive#what i wouldn't give for his backstory to show his daddy being a conman#mama is respectable but black in 1920 something#and daddy is a pos conman#alastor the gentleman con artist just FEELS right#especially ESPECIALLY if he was a white passing mixed race man#like actually that would be amazing#and then he just kept up old habits when he died and learned he could FINALLY have the power he never had in life#except its still all a lie#I'd be fucking foaming at the mouth I'm telling you#also i didn't mention this but hommie is a fucking DEER#hes a PREY ANIMAL#that alone seems pRETTY FUCKING TELLING
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aaaaaaa okey I ordered the speaker and the star projector. (and a beauty blender and a neck support and the new volume of yona and the garbage disposal cleaner matt wanted.) it was still only $35 actually out of pocket and I get my allowance in the morning which will completely replace that amount. I will definitely like the speaker and if I don't like the star projector arin will.
#yes this did take me an entire week#I don't like spending money. I like having money and I like having things.#but I must spend money to get things.#but I have had a very draining weekend and I deserve nice things and that's what gift cards are supposed to be for.#(frankly even if nice things do need to be earned which is a notion that deserves to be critically examined)#(depending on how one defines 'nice things')#(I have more than earned all the nice things I could ever want between keeping other people alive and keeping myself alive.)#(we glamorize Big Actions way too fuckin much btw but that's tangential off the 'keeping other people alive' thing)#(Big Actions often have the smallest fuckin impact tbh. they mean nothing without thousands of small actions.)#I very nearly didn't order the projector but it's late and I'm in my room alone and I turned the lamp off early#so that no one can tell I'm still up since my brother is still here#and it's just a tiny bit too dark for being awake purposes#only a tiny bit though#there's good light through the window because of the courtyard#and the projector has an auto-off#idk I think it's worth trying. if I like it they can give me extra discs for it for christmas#and if I don't I can give it to arin#the notion that I can try stuff without 100% Committing Forever is. not one I grew up with.#like. mom started me on piano lessons for my 9th birthday cuz I'd mentioned it at some point#and I faithfully attended every week (barring schedule conflicts or illness) until I moved away for college at 19.#you had to promise you really wanted something for real if you were gonna get it and god help you if you were wrong.#even though neither of us were prone to tantrums or greed even without those tight boundaries.#(and even though she did not hold herself to that standard at all from what I can see.)
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the problem with playing D&D is you have ships 'n' blorbos that only 4 other people know about
#still thinkin' about that motherfucker Cormac from the Thieves Guild#and how he lives rent free in Ariadne's brain#and therefore my brain#and how i have to deal with the fact that she wouldn't think about#that as much as she's plagued with conflicting feelings about this motherfucker#i honestly don't think that there's much reason that she would've made as much of an impact on him as he has on her#and it's driving me insane#like he got under her skin instantly because the first time they met she had just used her inspiration point only to roll two nat 1s#trying to get a crowd to disperse before things got rough#and this motherfucker sweeps in and does what she couldn't while also kind of shitting on the temple#which she couldn't even really argue because he wasn't really wrong but also this is the thing that makes up her identity#and she was fuckin' pissed#i mean we did also get sent to make a deal with him to keep the city chill while rise of the zombies was dealt with in the high district#so she#the temple's Brand Newest Paladin in full fuckin' armor gets sent into the den of the Thieves Guild#to talk with the guy who's been pretty openly (and frankly fairly) dunking on said temple#and we come out of it having to do a favor for him to get his help#and as much as she'd love to cover it with 'well we're really doing it because the prince wants us to and it's for the good of the city'#the fact that at the end of the day they were doing something on this motherfucker's orders was such a bur under her saddle#i think he got the party drinks while we were talking with him but ariadne didn't touch hers#because A) she's pretty sure someone would've spit in it and B) fuck u cormac fuck ur hospitality and fuck u#ANYWAY#all this happened over a year ago irl (not sure how long in-game) and YET#there's also the problem that our sessions have been shorter and more sporadic#which gives me more time between sessions to obsess over stupid shit#like a NPC who we haven't seen in a fuckin' year
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you know i don't bring this up as a light anecdote because it involves me being talked about in really perverted ways behind my back. but when i was like 20 i was part of this large group of friends that was mostly a bunch of guys, and a couple of girlfriends. and the energy if you were a girl starting to hang around them was like. "ok, so who are you gonna hook up with/date?" and it didn't last long bc of course when the answer ended up being "well none of you," the patience they had for me evaporated. lol. so i was being talked about among literally every single one of them behind my back in a gigantic group chat, of like literally everyone in the original group chat (including the ppl who never fucking used it, and it was over twelve people) minus a few other ppl they didn't like, decidedly. and eventually one of my GOOD friends (that i am still friends w to this day) told me about it and then there was the whole drama of people not being able to accept consequences for their actions, not owning up to being cowardly bullies, etc... yawn yawn yawn. truly that was some stupid middle school shit from a bunch of immature ppl that i didn't really take to heart. not the guys, anyway. i was honestly very hurt by a couple of girls who partook in it though, that i thought genuinely liked me and who i genuinely liked in return, so that was shocking to me.
but anyway. after this all happened my sister went OFF on this one guy in particular. bc he had been a nuisance before. he was a slimy creep honestly. i used to feel a lot of pity for him bc i thought he was just sad and wanted attention but that was just my 20-year-old nonsense brain way of interpreting it. he was incredibly annoying and would wear girls down, would hop from one girl to another week after week, each one not reciprocating his constant desperate flirting and lovebombing. and there was a joke he participated in about me and my (also queer, female) friend that was particularly crossing a line. so kaily just ripped this guy a new one when he went to try and offer an explanation. like imagine trying to even talk to someone after you just humiliated and bullied their sister... couldn't be me. like i was literally the one being bullied in this instant but i can't imagine the kind of white hot rage i'd be in if someone did that to my sister. you know? so yeah.
at the end of this rant kaily told him "go to hell." you know. like fuck off. go fuck yourself. go to hell. good old indecent words to throw out at someone you loathe, right? i'm literally ONLY bringing this up because i cannot stop thinking, all these years later, about how one of the girls who participated in it, and was the least apologetic about it (in fact weirdly a year later she came back just to taunt me again and tell me how much better her life is without me and how stupid i was for breaking up a 'wonderful' friend group?? yeah that sounds like the behavior of someone who is over it)... i don't remember where but someone told me she talked particularly about that message to that guy and said "kaily told (name) to burn in hell" like. like that whole time she interpreted my sister as like a conservative christian who was calling him a dirty sinner. bc presumably she had never heard the phrase "go to hell" in a non-literal context before, or just never understood it?? like that girl didn't necessarily strike me as incredibly bright or something, in the short time i knew her, but i never would've guessed she could be so dumb...
but for the record that pervert guy yeah he is gonna burn in hell.
#tales from diana#im sorry how much dramatic backstory that anecdote required#that one girl and her friend are still some of the most baffling pieces of that story to me#like i hate to say it but i was not shocked that all but like two of those guys really liked or respected me at all#none of them seemed to like any of the other girls in the friend group#they just barely seemed to tolerate their friends' girlfriends. bc they had to#and some of those guys didn't even seem to like or respect their girlfriends#both of those girls who bullied me were some of 'the girlfriends' and i have to be honest. i wouldnt wanna be 'the girlfriend' there#neither of them are still w their then-boyfriends and im pretty sure for both of them it ended awfully#idk what happened to the really particularly aggressive one who thought kaily said 'burn in hell'#but for some reason like 6 months later when she and her bf broke up she unfriended me on fb#i had never unfriended her in case she wanted to apologize at any point (i had hope... 20 year old nonsense again i was really naive)#but then yeah another 6 months later she and the other girlfriend (still in a relationship at that time) just blew up at me and some others#for like no reason. just bc we all stayed friends... w each other#like i promise u i never went out of my way to bother these girls in any way. directly or indirectly. they just had to say#'its been a year and i still hate you guys' like why. we were literally all adults. we didnt go to school together we never saw each other#we were all just frankly moving on but i guess they were not over it#the other girl whose relationship lasted longer had maybe the worse boyfriend? definitely the worse breakup#he abandoned her for another woman and kicked her out of their living space#she was literally begging on social media for help#and again that guy was a monster who did not seem to really love her. he's married to the other woman now#they have a kid together#idk where either of those girls are now bc basically all their friends abandoned them#feels like if they had chosen their allies better way back when we were 20-21 itd have been different#which is not to blame them. but like. i would not have let that happen to my friends#but the fact that anyone stood up for me when i was being bullied was 'starting drama'#and the fact that they all let their problems pile up until their lives are destroyed? well i guess thats just being civilized and mature#sorry if this is just sounding incredibly judgmental bc i dont think they deserve their situations at all#but i dont think their choices didnt play some role in their being eventually discarded by rotten fuckin men#they were pretty rotten to me too. poor things...
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Yuri's dialogue (JP) is so fascinating to study, like... the repetitive use of certain words/phrases that others use sparingly but he uses constantly. the way it feels like his vocabulary is more expansive than what he uses, but he defaults to a "comfort" level of speech. the way it mixes in with his sort of "street talk" words and the sheer level of informality. the way his "street talk" phrasing is contrasted by the tone of his voice (on that note, people I know who also know JP are also very endeared by these aspects of him so I KNOW IT'S NOT JUST ME!!!).
'cause the thing is, he uses phrases that yeah, other people do use, but he uses a handful over and over and over (contrast to other characters' sparing use of repetition). it's actually... really refreshing? it sounds more relatable and less "video game/anime/JRPG/RPG" writing or something, idk. like closer to how a real person would speak.
I do my best in my translations not to make things sound too stiff across the board, but Yuri makes it so easy. it's why I'm so interested in translating all his lines in Vesperia, like... the actual, original tone for him with his original wording because it's smth Eng only players don't get to experience ('cause even if you listen with JP audio, if you don't know the language, ofc you're gonna miss out on context. it's nobody's fault for not knowing, just... they unfortunately miss out). the thing is, there are a lot of times when the lines in and of themselves are not contextually incorrect in the English ver (usually the situation for smaller scenes, because they altered the text outright for more important stuff which was the stuff that originally set me off, but there were also plenty of cases of just vocal tone shifting with the correct context that still gave off the wrong impression), but Yuri's tone is shifted away from the original in Eng even though it's completely and perfectly translatable.
I am by no means about to translate the entire game because let's face it, I really don't care that much for Vesperia on the whole. I'm kinda stuck with it because Yuri's there lo and behold I actually am WAY more engaged in his stories in Rays, Link and Asteria because it's an amazing character put into circumstances where he actually gets to shine and feels more alive, which Vesperia did not provide nearly as well with its very disjointed story. also, Tales gachas have banger stories that are arguably better than the mainline games, and they regularly make Yuri a very central character to the gachas. Crestoria was also about to do it until they pulled the plug on that game and I'm pretty confident something interesting has been lost to the world. also I just generally don't have the energy or motivation to do that, so... I'll only be focusing on Yuri's lines, especially because his stuff is where the bulk of the messing around was. he's just insanely fun to translate for and I love burying myself head first into his speech.
will I actually finish this project? dunno. will I get around to posting it? whatever I get done (so all of it if I complete it), and if I decide to call it quits then I'll post what I have at the time I decide that. will it take a long time? probably, but I can always mention stuff along the way...
#GTF Vesperia Things#GTF Yuri Things#also the more I comb the script the more I properly notice all the uh... very awkward loc changes in smaller sentences in smaller scenes#like things that change the understanding of a sentence. or in Yuri's case just... the usual annoying personality shifting#noticing lots more stuff than when I did those big posts bc I was less focused on the tiny stuff/not side by side comparing#like a lot of this stuff is plot irrelevant and I knew it was littered around but I'm just getting#a bit more of a proper feel for it and how often it's there while studying Yuri's speech under a microscope bc I like observing him fkjhsjg#the fact that they're extremely largely consistent in tampering with Yuri's verbal (not just vocal) tone still has me LIKE.#but I'm fighting to ignore it so I can study my precious boy for reasons unknown beyond hyperfixation#also with Link I was actually mad at first bc they totally dropped the ball on Yuri's repetitive speech in arc 1. like it just wasn't there#there were plenty of times I noticed that normally he'd be SAYING those phrases but it just didn't happen where it should've#(like ''he'd def have said that here but it's not here'') Rays' main writer was not Vesperia's and she STILL got him down PERFECTLY#frankly I'd argue Rays' writing of Yuri is more correctly Yuri than Vesperia Yuri is which is oddly hilarious LOL#but mainly more that arc 2 Yuri is fucking WONKY sometimes but god knows most of my friends who know JP don't like that writer for#various reasons. somehow he pulled out that banger of a novel but arc 2 forget it. but yeah Rays just... really encapsulated YURI himself#the dialogue for him is spot on. not that Link and Asteria flunked with him bc they didn't#it's just that I think Rays and Miyajima gave the best quality of him bc the circumstances let him be more expressive#that said back to Link arc 2 did actually fix the speech issue so I don't know if they had different writers between arcs or just#realized they forgot to include those points of his character in arc 1 bc I know it wasn't the Link loc's fault#bc Yuri had full JP audio and I could hear that they just didn't have those things#but LORD the ACTUAL RELIEF that flooded me when arc 2 brought that shit back LMAOOOO#but yeah as far as Yuri goes he's absolutely fascinating and unique and he shines so bright in the gachas#it makes me really really sad that his home game is one I don't have much interest in#and that it's one that a lot of ppl feel the writing was wonky for (bc it was)#but I'm eternally grateful the gachas gave him opportunities to really shine as a character in great settings#bc it's not that he doesn't shine in Vesp itself. it's that the circumstances don't rly... allow him to be like PROPERLY unrestrained ig?#idk it's hard to explain. just. he was more. WHOOSH. I guess. in the gachas. yeah. like that. or smth. :')#sorta like. amazing character but not the best circumstances for him to show his true potential which I think he does in the gachas#bc the gachas have such great stories and scenarios and he's put into them#ANYWAY TL;DR YURI'S SPEECH IS FASCINATING AND I LOVE HIM
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Not feeling great abt some of my creative endeavors rn
#ramblings#neg#specifically abt project: new moon#i can feel myself actively losing interest in continuing to write for it#like the main story is already out there and that's fine#but even tho i have ideas for oneshots and stuff to introduce more characters (like those redesigns for rouge and shadow i did a while ago)#it just. doesn't feel worth continuing. idk why#i guess it might be the lack of interest for my writing in general#or maybe project: new moon just. isn't that great#which is fine the point of the project was to do it for fun not to make something objectively good#but ig i'm just. not feeling it anymore? i don't feel satisfied with it like i did when i finished writing it#i still love my ocs and the redesigns i did of canon characters for it#and i'm glad i got the story i've had in my head since i was like 12 out there. even if it's very different from how i first envisioned it#but. i really just wanna put it to rest#i really don't feel like i can promise any more writing for it. not like anybody cared abt it anyway besides like 3-4 ppl + myself#idk man i wanna move on from it. i have other stuff i wanna write that i feel guilty for not doing#bc i'd said i'd write more for project: new moon and still haven't#i think i'd be happier if i let the fanfic go and just draw my ocs and my redesigns when i feel like it#without worrying abt the fic anymore#bc frankly ever since writing the epilogue my heart just didn't feel like it was in it#thinking abt it felt like a chore more than anything. so maybe it'd be for the best to just leave it as it is#that comic i said i'd write is still happening tho i still really wanna do it#but that's different from writing fanfic so#anyway. might turn the project: new moon blog into a general writing blog#if i finish the corrupted au fic i'm currently working on. idk yet we'll see#but yeah. i know i shouldn't trust how i feel past 9 pm but I've been feeling this for a while now so whatever#i think i should've seen this coming in retrospect. pretty much everything i do that isn't just art never gets much traction anyway#can't say i'm really giving up on it considering it's TECHNICALLY complete#but the way things are going feels almost exactly like the rp and ask blogs i've tried to run in the past#idk man. i gotta stop thinking abt this before the vague feelings of inadequacy spiral into something worse. goodnight
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things that make me wanna do beautiful conceptual illustrations of melliwyk's party's bard's dad
#KADE HEARTWOOD THE MAN THAT YOU ARE.... OOOOUUGGHH#also: thing that makes me realize that kade being Like That was possibly not a coincidence and reaffirms how cool our DM is#my biggest regret in mel's campaign is not dancing with kade during the fancy ball infiltration session and getting to talk to him#because 1) only quinton knew that was his dad and was not on good terms with him-- in-character mel didn't know who he was#and 2) both melliwyk and I in real life got too caught up in 'oh I know EXACTLY which of these people is our mysterious contact'#'haHAA I have Solved Your Puzzle I don't NEED to talk to quinton's dad cause I already know it's not him :D'#[me rattling the bars to my own past] noooo jaaay that's why you talk to EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM FIRST! JAAAY!! LIKE VIDEO GAMES!!! JAAAA#and then later quinton accidentally got him banished back to the afterlife (where he was supposed to have been the whole time)#before we got a chance to MEET HIM AND TALK TO HIM once we KNEW MORE OF HIS SECRETS RAAAAGGGHHH#.... tl;dr kade had been a champion of the raven queen thousands of years ago and we found his dead body sealed in a hidden vault#the kade who fathered quinton was breaking the rules to send his soul out into the world as a living thing (for Reasons)#the risk of which was that his body was Pure Soul-- if he'd died like that it would have destroyed his soul permanently#ANYWAY THIS IS VERY FUNNY TO ME BECAUSE I'M MAKING MYSELF CRY IMAGINING THE ART I WANNA MAKE ABOUT KADE#BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ACTUAL PC QUINTON AT ALL AND FRANKLY HE OFTEN PISSES ME OFF LMAO#melliwyk's DM is one of my favorite DMs and also fellow players because he's Really Fucking Good At This ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#about me
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If only Henry's marriage to Catherine of Aragon counted in Catholic eyes, does this mean Mary wouldn't theoretically consider any of his other wives 'real' stepmothers, as such? If she did, how would she rationalise defying the Pope's will, whilst upholding the papal authority to sanction the marriage of her parents?
She probably never did, based on the wording of that Act in question. Her attitude towards papal authority during her own reign was...contradictory in other ways, however.
#anon#the pope like you have to send reginald pole back i have to try him for heresy mary like hmmmmmmmmmmm i don't think i will......#'i don't like this pope i'd like to return him with the receipt in exchange for a new one' = kings and queen regnants for centuries.#so basically she never did but AB was the only one about whom she was honest about this? oddly funny if funny is the right word for this#since she scanted her courtesy to kh as well but not some of her others stepmothers#it would suggest that in those cases that her behaviour was more inspired by personal dislike#*other#i don't want to say that was universal either bcus that was not necessarily the case however like ...yeah...the catholics among which#upheld specifically the validity of henry's marriage to koa did not fare very well in henrician england#you would think maybe bona fides would apply to edward vi (or in some cases even elizabeth...#sources loyal to the papacy actually said pretty early on that the 'faith of the mother' was sufficient )#altho it would be hard to argue jane and henry were not aware england was in schism#(elizabeth was born beforehand technically)#but as for mary she didn't really need bona fides and might have even had mixed feelings about her supporters#using that argument in the 1530s...#as far as she was concerned pope julius had granted the dispensation and pope clement had confirmed it#that was more airtight papal legitimacy than frankly most prince/sses had#now if paul iv wanted to be a REAL bitch he could have been like yk what. wild card. that's cancelled#confirmed? affirmed? upheld? whatever the word is
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eyes leaking out of my skull
#my high school no longer has a choir teacher (in my time there were three different ones)#one gave up on middle schoolers after covid and went to an elementary school#one was teaching every single program (band orchestra choir) at once for the first year which didn't go any kind of way really#the other one was a math teacher who also happened to be a musician so they made him the new choir teacher#but he was only here for a year bc school exchange program for teachers from other countries#so now we're back to the first guy who didn't do jack shit#i didn't have many friends in choir bc frankly ir sorta sucked but those of my little friends who are still there like#on god i will find you ways to be in good choirs kids trust me trust me#bluebird.txt#ON GOD I WILL HELP YOU GET INTO A GOOD PROGRAM#even if they don't so music degrees please for the love of god i want you to have. good music teachers.#not just guys who happen to be musicians and are not even trying.
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also since i've basically been live blogging watching this i'm going to offer up an unpopular opinion. so pls if you are my mutual and have seen this do not hate me if you haven't avoid this post but uh. Ballerina could have been better than it ended up being and i don't know how to feel about that
#film: ballerina#ballerina#ballerina 2023#ballerina netflix#netflix ballerina#jeon jong seo#park yu rim#kim ji hoon#like we had a perfect 8-10 ep long setup for a series here ok. i get the point was female rage and f*cking over the scum of society#(which they did and i am grateful for) but it felt empty somehow????? too short. not always realistic ik her taking everyone#out like that isn't supposed to be but you're telling me you're running a f*cking gang whose drug making headquarters is underneath#a racetrack/stable (convinced that's the set of the GSoul Blessed MV btw. i recognized it from the ceiling) and none of you have#a f*cking gun. none of you. not even a rifle. just knifes. are we all Chief Seo at this point just without the skills#ffs we didn't even really get to connect to the best friend dynamic and that sucks bc there was so much material to go over#idk. i'm feeling meh about this. the 'i don't regret watching but i wouldn't do it again' type meh and i hate when that happens#frankly the only good thing about this film was Jong Seo kicking ass with the high school student and the two of them burning#Choi alive on the beach with the flamethrower. ty flamethrower halmeoni we appreciate the gift
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