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annoyed-galaxy · 2 months ago

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Fictober 2024 ~ 28

"just say what you want"

Fanfiction: DAI TW: Suicidal thoughts This isn't quite how Willow's possession is revealed, but I thought the angst worked a bit for the prompt. Can also be found on Ao3

Oh this was bad. They saw it. As Willow stumbled out of the Fade, Lailani let go of her control and Willow’s body was under her control once more. But she knew from the looks on her companions faces, they had saw the possession. Still, she had a job to do. She turned and raised her hand. The Anchor sparked and grabbed the Fade rift. Willow felt the ancient magic surge through her once more as she pulled and pulled and BOOM. The Fade rift closed like all the others.

Stroud was left in the Fade. Possibly the worst fate for mortal men.��

Still, Willow did not look at her companions, especially not at the Commander who’s eyes were wide with…she couldn’t tell what he was thinking really. All she knew is that her closest friends had seen her secret. Lailani was forced to take over her body as the Nightmare had gotten closer, cutting her off from the rest of her friends. Stroud tried to get its attention, but it was so fascinated by Willow that it tried to worm its way into her mind. Lailani had taken over, pushing the nightmare back and running towards the rift out. Lailani’s control over Willow’s mind prevented anymore spirits or demons from being attracted to her. Stroud was still fighting when Lailani jumped through the rift.

She hadn’t relinquished control in time so everyone saw her fade. There would be questions.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

“Just say what you want to say!” Willow cried out, throwing her hands up. She was standing in Cullen’s office, a distance from him. The former templar was looking at her with disgust and hatred, so different from when he looked at her with love and excitement. There were tears already running down her face. She knew this was it. After everything he had been through, she still continued on with him, knowing that if he ever found about her possession, he would hate her.

She had already tried to explain everything to her friends and some were willing to listen. Sera and Cassandra were uncomfortable and said they wanted some space for a while. Dorian, Cole, and Solas seemed to be quite understanding. Varric was the only one who seemed to fully understand. Blackwall didn’t seem to mind either way. Bull thought it was weird, but said she was still a good person that it didn’t affect him too much, but Willow noticed how he gave her weird glances at times. Somehow, Vivienne didn’t know and Willow was glad for that. Leliana was understanding to a point, and Josephine didn’t know what to say.

Cullen hated her.

She knew it. Could see it in her eyes. Already, she was thinking of their shared kisses, his warm embrace; all of that being replaced by a coldness that racked her body.

“You’re an abomination,” he whispered, his eyes accusing her with such strength, Willow felt weak in her knees.

Her heart shattered and her past finally caught up to her. “I suppose I am,” she said. Then she just turned and ran. She ran past everyone, not allowing them to see the Inquisitor with tears on her face.

Damn them all.

Damn Thedas.

Let them handle Corypheus on their own now.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

She sat on the edge of her balcony, facing the mountains. Her feet dangled dangerously over the edge. One forward lean and she would plummet. She was heavily considering it.

It had been a few weeks since her secret was revealed to her inner circle. She hadn’t shown her face for a while. It was getting troublesome. People were starting to wonder where the Inquisitor was and whether the battle at Adamant had somehow ruined her.

Fuck them. They didn’t care for her anyways. She was just a scapegoat for them all. Nothing she had done nor would do would ever be appreciated. Especially not now that she was revealed to be an abomination. It didn’t matter how much good she brought, she was evil in their eyes. Evil for bringing in someone who kept her safe and felt less lonely.

She heard footsteps approaching behind her and her fingers tightened on the rail. If they were going to push her, at least it would save her the trouble of having to do it herself.

Go on, she thought to herself. Kill me. Kill the abomination and save the day. Bitterly she added, Good luck closing the rifts without me, I guess.

“Willow, please get down from there.” The voice that spoke up surprised her and her grip loosened on the railing. For a moment, she felt weightless, like nothing supported her.

It was Cullen.

What was he doing here?

She merely scoffed, downing her surprise and continued looking at the mountains ahead. “Poor choice of words, considering where down is,” she replied bitterly, casually motioning to the ground. This balcony that overlooked the mountains was on the furthest side of Skyhold’s walls. If she fell, she would fall past the walls and land on the snowy mountain side.

Survival was unlikely.

“Willow, please.” There was a sort of desperation in Cullen’s voice.

“Why do you care. I’m an abomination remember? Maybe it would be best for me to just…” She leaned forward, to emphasize her point. She felt her body slowly tip and for a moment, she thought she had miscalculated and was about to go.

Then an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her back. She cried out and she fell to the ground, Cullen kneeling above her. There was panic and hurt and worry in his eyes. She could see the glistening of tears beginning to form.

She growled and pushed him off her, standing on her feet. She moved away from the balcony and into her room. “What do you want?” She had her back turned to him. “If you’re here to do your duty, then just kill me. Or if your here for your resignation, you could have just sent a letter. Or-“ Her ranting was cut off by a grip on her arm that turned her around and Cullen’s lips crushed against her own.

Everything flooded away. Her heart swelled and her mind cleared. Tears began to form in her own eyes. They parted and Willow’s head swam with confusion.

“Please, don’t ever do that again,” Cullen whispered, putting a hand on her cheek and brushing away her tears with his thumbs.

Willow shook her head softly and tried to pull away, but the arm around her waist was too strong. “I thought that’s what everyone would want. Who wants an abomination leading the Inquisition.”

It was Cullen’s turn to shake his head. “You’re not an abomination. I’ve seen true abominations. You’re nothing like them. You’re…” He let out a tired sigh. “Varric told me that you’re just like an old friend of his. None of us know why you have a spirit inside you, but we know that you’re a good person.” He smiled weakly. “Solas said that not every possession is one of malcontent.”

He brushed away more of her tears as she tried to process his words. “What?” was all she could say.

“The others are willing to hear your story. We want to know why you have a spirit. It’s clear that you are still a good person. So we just want to know what’s going on.” He lowered his head. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I was…hurt. I didn’t allow ration to come first. My trauma took hold of me and I just couldn’t look at you. Only when Varric came to talk to me did I realize maybe I was wrong to judge so hastily.” He looked back at her. “There’s so much we, as a society, don’t know about magic. Our world is changing so quickly; things we didn’t think possible are now possible. Maker’s breath, there’s an ancient magister trying to destroy the world.” Cullen took her hands in his own, stepping back a bit. “We need you. The good you have done for the world overshadows whatever is going on with your spirit. If you…” He paused and glanced over at the balcony. “Just, promise me, you won’t do something like that again.”

She could see the worry in his eyes and behind all that fear and concern, there was that spark of love once more. She thought it had disappeared entirely, but no. It was still there. He still loved her.

She didn’t say anything. She just hugged him, crying softly into his fur mantle across his shoulders. He pulled her in close, his warmth enveloping around her. She let out a shaky breath.

“I’ll explain.”

#fictober #fictober 2024 #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #G-W76 #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dai #cullen rutherford #cullen x lavellan #cullen x inquisitor #Suicidal thoughts #OC: Willow Lavellan

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therealvinelle · 4 years ago

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Hey,

What do you think the impact of being brought up as vegan would be on a vampire? I mean if you’re non vegetarian then it stands to reason that killing for food is normal (and humans are food for vampires) but if you’re raised to believe killing animals for sustenance to be a sin would that affect you when you turn? It doesn’t seem very likely with the way vampires act in Twilight where it seems empathy, for humans specifically, was just lost during transition (Carlisle seems to be an exception), but maybe it would?

I’m the person who asked the vegan thing.

I just realized that being raised vegan means that food was food to you so it really wouldn’t affect your diet much as a vampire. Humans were not acceptable to for both vegans and non-vegans but they both would probably end up eating them anyways as a vampire.

But what about people who changed from eating meat to abstaining because they grew up eating it and somewhere along the way realized that they were killing for it and decided to stop. In this case, the family and friends of this person were okay with meat but they decided to stop for the animals’ sake instead of a social norm. Would this kind of person be more likely to go for the vegetarian vampire diet because of their card for humans as well? How much of their personality would remain that they could still care about humans?

This here touches upon why Twilight vampires eat people in the first place.

Before I get into that, though, I feel I should point out that what people eat a is not so easily divided morally as vegans = recognize life has worth, vs. omnivores = don’t. Factors such as culture, income, class, social environment, education, health, politics, and priorities all play a part. There’s a reason why your average young and urban female college student is much more likely to be vegan than a rural male seventy-year-old factory worker, and it has nothing to do with an inherent sense of morality. Even then, someone could become a vegan for reasons that have nothing to do with animal welfare, such as protecting the planet, a special diet, or sustaining a superiority complex (this last category will of course never admit that that’s the real reason and you should unfriend them on facebook if you don’t want your timeline to be filled with guilt-tripping photos of smoking factory pipes and sad-looking cows).

But you weren’t asking about that, you were asking about vampires.

So, when a vampire wakes up, they are faced with this unbearable thirst. It’s different for everyone, or at least they describe it differently, but the whole point of this thirst is that it’s strong enough that you have to actively hold yourself back, at great pains, to keep from killing people over it. Some vampires, when especially hungry (newborn Carlisle when a herd of deer ran by) or confronted with a particularly delicious scent (Emmet when he met his singers) or just when caught off guard (Jasper at Bella’s birthday party), appear to lose their senses altogether.

Choice doesn’t really factor in it, not when you’re a newborn, and not really later on either.

Even if it did, we know that creating a vampire requires tremendous effort. There are two vampires I know of that were accidents, Carlisle and Garret. The vast majority of vampires were created as a conscious decision, and even if they weren’t, the Volturi have a law that Thou shalt not abandon thy newborn. And so this paragraph finally gets to its point: most newborns wake up with their creators nearby. And their creator will take them hunting, at a time when they’re not yet able to resist.

And so you have these people who wake up in completely new and foreign circumstances, their bodies not their own any longer, with this unbearable, constant pain in their throats they can’t escape. They can’t sleep, they can’t eat something else, they can’t tune it out with drugs. There is no reprieve. And yes, it does get better - but in those first few fateful months, they’re pretty much forced to kill people.

Carlisle was the exception, and while I don’t wish to lessen the incredible willpower and humanity he displayed when he resisted his thirst, he was in a unique situation that allowed it. His creator wasn’t there to force him to feed, he already knew what vampires were and as such was repulsed by his own nature, and he was sequestered away in a potato cellar, and therefore not in immediate proximity to humans. What he did was still incredible, but the circumstances allowed him to do it in the first place. Every other man-eating vampire in canon was not so lucky.

My point being, for newborn vampires eating people can’t really be called a choice.

Even as vampires learn control, I imagine the choice to continue eating people is a mix of several factors. In bullet points:

Sunk cost fallacy They’ve already eaten so many humans, why stop now? If there’s a heaven or a hell, they know which one they’re going to. Might as well get a good ride.

Humans aren’t people Vampires in Twilight are dismissive of humans more often than they’re not, often expressing surprise, incomprehension, or disgust at Edward falling for one. And I see why they would: it’s a coping mechanism, for starters, to stop seeing the people you’re tearing apart on a weekly basis as someone with thoughts and feelings. It’d be hard not to, when every interaction with a human is spent having to actively fight the urge to eat them. Men struggle enough with seeing women as people because we have boobs, vampires are the extreme version of that. More, a vampire’s human memories are fading, and what they do remember was so blurry and dull. With the sharpened and enhanced nature of the vampire, being endowed with vampirism will seem like more. Which makes humans less. (Relevant meta)

Blood is hard to resist The thirst is a huge problem. Even as vampires get better at controlling themselves, few of them seem to be particularly good at it. Keep in mind that the Cullens are all training to get to Carlisle’s level, they’re not representative of your average vampire. Most will fail when trying to create a new vampire, and they all balk at Carlisle being unbothered by blood.

Blood tastes amazing Siobhan’s reaction when she learns Carlisle has created a vampire of his own is, verbatim, “how tragic - to be deprived of the greatest joy in life.” (Midnight Sun, page I’m-not-sure) And I can’t blame her for it - blood puts out the fire in her throat, and is the single greatest pleasure in the world. Jasper, Emmet, and Rosalie all agree that it’s the thing a vampire craves more than anything. And living a meandering life where there are no milestones, no community, no home, no deeper meaning to anything, the intense pleasure of drinking human blood becomes the only constant and the only thing they have to truly live for and enjoy.

Then you have the fact that most of them have no idea that animals are an option. By the time they find out there’s a door number two, they’ve successfully dehumanized humans, have nothing else in life and the sunk cost fallacy is sky high. More, Carlisle is a crazy monk asking them to forgo their reason for living to go eat dishwater and be malnourished instead, all so that the mayfly humans can go die of consumption instead. I can see why they said “...no?”.

So, yes, Twilight vampires are terrifying demons who turn into psychopaths. But I can’t in good consciousness hate them for it, because they don’t really get a choice in the matter. Their very nature is designed specifically to turn them into this. Carlisle is a freak who makes everyone else look bad.

In other words, vegans are just as susceptible as others to becoming serial killers. If anything, vegans would eat those filthy meat-eaters to save the planet.

#i don't hate vegans #but they're such low hanging targets for making fun of #twilight vampires #twilight worldbuilding #long post #carlisle cullen #twilight vegetarianism #Anonymous #ask

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pikapeppa · 5 years ago

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Lovers In A Dangerous Time: Epilogue

The final chapter of my Fenris the Inquisitor fic is up on AO3. 😭♥😭♥

~ 4460 words. Read on AO3 instead.

******************************

Eighteen months later…

Fenris padded silently through the woods.

The air was fresh and cool with rain, and it was something of a relief. The thunderstorm had been brewing all day yesterday, and the breaking of the late-night storm had finally chased off some of the ridiculous summer humidity. But the cool would dissipate soon under the strength of the brilliant Rivaini sun, so Fenris savoured the dampness of the grass and leaves under his bare feet as he made his way to the beach.

Fifteen silent, peaceful minutes later, the soothing hush of water on sand met his ears. A short distance away to the east, there was a cozy-looking cabin tucked in the woods at the border of the beach.

He didn’t bother to go to the cabin; she wouldn’t be there anyway, not on such a beautiful day.

He continued to pick his way through the woods, and the plants underfoot transitioned into sand as the trees thinned out. When he finally stepped onto the beach, Fenris pushed back the hood of his cloak.

Hawke was sitting cross-legged on a picnic blanket close to the shore. Isabela was lounging on the blanket beside her, and Faren was sitting between them with a rattle in one chubby fist.

He waved the rattle haphazardly and laughed, and Fenris smiled helplessly at the sound of his son’s mirth. Faren might only be ten months old, but Fenris was convinced that his laugh already sounded like his mother’s.

Hawke looked up and met his eye, and he returned her brilliant smile. He removed his cloak and made his way across the sand, which was already collecting heat from the morning sun, and as he neared the blanket, he recognized a voice: Dorian’s voice, which was emanating from the glowing sending crystal in Hawke’s hand.

Dorian was singing a Tevene folk song, and Faren was moving his round little body in time to Dorian’s voice. Fenris smirked and sat on the blanket behind his son.

“Avanna, little man,” he said, and he ran his palm over Faren’s raven-haired head.

Faren squealed happily and waved his rattle, and Dorian spoke through the crystal. “Ah, Fenris. Back from town, I presume? I’ve decided to teach your child Tevene.”

“I see,” Fenris said dryly. He carefully lifted the baby onto his lap. “Equipping him to join forces with you someday, I presume?”

“Precisely,” Dorian said. “He’ll be my protégé.”

“No,” Fenris said.

Dorian blithely went on as though Fenris hadn’t spoken. “I’ll teach him all the best ways to debate with a roomful of magisters and how to sniff out poisons…”

Isabela yawned. “Sounds like you’d be training him to be a bard.”

“You’d be surprised how often a bard’s skills overlap with those of a magister,” Dorian said. “Or perhaps you wouldn’t. In any case, Faren will have an extremely well-rounded education by the time I’m finished singing lullabies to him.”

Fenris rolled his eyes, and Hawke giggled. “Lovely plans, Dorian, but we might need to get him walking and feeding himself before he can start spotting assassins.”

Dorian tsked. “Now you’re just underestimating his abilities. Call me again when I can start teaching him something interesting.”

Fenris huffed. “As though you won’t be calling us before the end of the week to complain about some Tevinter foible or another.”

“I’m sorry, Fenris, poor connection, I didn’t catch that,” Dorian announced. “Anyway, I must go now; my scintillating presence is required by my current protégés.” He adopted a high-pitched voice. “Bye-bye, Faren. I know you’ll miss my lovely voice until next time.”

Hawke tickled Faren’s tummy. “Come on, Faren, say bye-bye to Uncle Dorian.”

Faren burbled a laugh and waved his hand, and Hawke chuckled. “He’s waving goodbye,” she told Dorian. “We’ll speak to you later!” She made a kissing noise into the crystal.

Dorian chuckled, and the sending crystal’s glowing light went dark. Hawke hung the sending crystal around her neck and smiled at Fenris. “How was Afsaana?”

“Loud and busy, as always,” he said. “They were out of pomegranates, if you can believe it, but I fetched the post.”

Isabela tsked. “No pomegranates? In Afsaana? You probably just didn’t ask them nicely.”

Hawke smirked. “What sort of ‘asking’ are you suggesting? Showing off a little leg? A little flash of cleavage, maybe?”

Isabela grinned. “A little flash of my daggers, more like.”

Fenris scoffed, then leaned in to Faren’s ear. “Don’t listen to Isabela. She is a poor example to follow.”

Faren cooed and patted his face, and Isabela snickered. “If you’re hoping to keep the little monster from following my example, you’d better find yourselves a different charter to Kirkwall tomorrow. Me and my crew won’t be watching our mouths just for your bloody baby.”

Hawke laughed. “Don’t worry about that. I can’t catch myself swearing half the time. Faren’s first real word is probably going to be ‘fuck’.”

Isabela barked out a laugh, and Faren giggled and reached for her with both hands. “Bababa!” he burbled.

Hawke grinned. “Look at him, going straight for your breasts. He’s a boy after my own heart.”

“Fasta vass, Hawke,” Fenris said in exasperation, and Hawke and Isabela cackled.

A loud and joyful bark carried over the gentle rush of the tide, followed by a second even louder bark, and they all turned to look: Toby and Landon were romping toward them with Cullen and Piper following in their wake.

“Landon!” Cullen shouted, to little effect; the younger mabari was racing full-tilt across the sand toward them.

Fenris shook his head ruefully and tucked Faren against his chest. “Piper, can you—”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got him!” she yelled, and she pelted after Landon and practically tackled him before he could reach their group.

Faren squealed delightedly and waved his arms. Toby barked again as he neared them, then pranced around Fenris with his tail wagging madly, but Fenris frowned.

“If you want to play with Faren, what do you have to do?” he said sternly.

Toby immediately settled into a sitting pose, though his tail continued to sweep happily across the sand, and Fenris nodded. “Good. All right, little man, let us see how you can stand.” He set Faren on the blanket beside Toby, and Faren immediately reached for the mabari.

Isabela stretched out on her side again. “I still can’t believe he’s not scared of Toby. I've never seen a child so small who wasn’t scared of mabari.”

“Of course Faren isn’t scared,” Hawke said proudly. “He’s very brave, just like his father.” She winked at Fenris.

He gave her a chiding smile, and they watched contentedly as Faren gripped a very obedient Toby’s fur and pulled himself upright. Once Faren was on his feet, he started babbling non-stop to Toby and patting his back as he tried to keep his balance.

Isabela smirked at Hawke. “This chatty thing he’s doing? That’s all you.”

Hawke threw her head back and laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous! He’s definitely more like Fenris. He’s smart and brave and handsome.”

Isabela shook her head. “He looks like Fenris,” she corrected. “He acts like you.”

“Faren looks like Hawke, too,” Fenris interjected. “He has her eyes.”

“Her eye colour, maybe,” Isabela said. “But he looks like you. The pouty lips, the nose…”

“The black hair,” Hawke added. “I’m still convinced your hair was black before the lyrium tattoos.”

Fenris shrugged; he was sure she was right. “The point still stands: Faren is more like you,” he told her. “He is talkative, impulsive, getting his little fingers in everything…”

“He’s also exceedingly charming and adorable, no?” Hawke said with a winsome smile.

He gazed fondly at her. “Especially that,” he said.

Isabela rolled her eyes. “The pair of you are sickening. Forget being seasick, I’ll be vomiting during the trip to Kirkwall because of you.”

Fenris and Hawke chuckled, and Faren gurgled happily. A moment later, Cullen and Piper joined them, Cullen with one hand firmly on a wriggling Landon’s collar.

“I apologize for Landon’s behaviour,” he panted. “Next time we visit, he’ll be better behaved, I swear it.” He frowned at the mabari. “Won’t you, Landon?”

Landon wagged his tail and barked. Faren jolted in startlement at the sound, then plopped onto his bottom. His coppery eyes went wide, and Isabela sighed. “Oh, here we go,” she drawled.

Sure enough, Faren started wailing. Before he could really get going, Hawke swept him into her arms. “There there, all right, you’re all right,” she crooned. “Falling down is terrible, isn’t it? But you’re fine now, no need to cry!” She swayed from side to side and rubbed Faren’s back, and a few seconds later, Faren was smiling again and gripping Hawke’s shirt in his chubby fists.

“Can I hold him?” Piper asked eagerly. “I need a little more turnip time before Cullen and I head out.”

“Of course!” Hawke said. She handed Faren over to Piper, and Faren immediately tangled his fists in Piper’s wavy silver hair.

She winced. “Oof! Go easy, Faren. I’m not used to other men getting their hands in my hair like this.”

Hawke and Isabela cackled, and Cullen cleared his throat. “Piper, please,” he muttered. “Not in front of the baby.”

Piper snorted. “Oh, he’s heard much worse around his raunchy parents and his raunchy auntie Isabela. Haven’t you, da’len?”

Faren cooed and pulled Piper’s hair, and Piper smiled hopefully at Fenris and Hawke. “Can Cullen and I take him for a little walk? I spotted a creek just up the way with some tadpoles in it. I wanted to show him what baby frogs look like.”

“Yes,” Fenris said. “But keep a good hold on him. If he sees something he wants, he will lunge for it, so hold him well.”

“I will,” Piper promised.

“And here, take this with you,” Fenris said. He picked up the satchel of baby supplies that Hawke had brought from their cabin and handed it to Cullen. “There is a bottle of water there; make sure he drinks some of it, it’s getting hot. And if he needs to be changed–”

“I can change diapers, Fenris,” Cullen said. “I have a nephew, if you’ll recall.”

“Right,” Fenris said. “Right.” He rubbed his nose, then turned to Hawke. “When was he last fed? Perhaps we should feed him, or send a snack–”

“I fed him about fifteen minutes ago, and he had a piece of banana ten minutes before that,” Hawke said. She stroked his arm. “It’s all right, Fenris. He can go for a little walk with Piper and Cullen.”

“I’ll go too,” Isabela said. “I’ll handle Toby and Landon while Piper handles your little monster.”

Fenris raised a sardonic eyebrow. “Is that meant to comfort me?”

“It should,” Hawke said slyly. “Isabela’s very good at handling two men at once.”

Piper and Isabela burst out laughing, and Faren bobbed in Piper’s arms and squealed happily.

Cullen tutted. “I quite agree, Faren. Let’s get you away from these lewd influences, all right?” He took Faren from Piper and began to walk away along the beach.

Piper beamed at Fenris. “Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him!” She hurried after Cullen with the two mabari and Isabela close behind.

Once they were out of earshot, Hawke started to laugh. Fenris shot her a rueful look and stretched his legs out. “What is so amusing?”

She sat beside him and leaned into his shoulder. “You. You’re so fussy about Faren, it’s adorable. I never really understood the ‘doting fathers are sexy’ thing, but now I do.”

Fenris huffed. “You think it is sexy that I’m fussing over our son?”

“I do,” she said pertly. “I really, really do.” She tilted her chin up for a kiss.

He smirked at her, then leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss. Her lips parted slowly and softly, like the petals of a flower unfurling at dawn, and Fenris savoured the freshness of her tongue contrasted with the taste of salt on her lips from bathing in the sea.

A delicious, lazy moment later, he leaned away from her. “I have a proposition for you,” he murmured.

She smiled at him through half-lidded eyes. “Mm. You have my attention.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I will read the post to you.”

She laughed. “Ooh, that is sexy. You know just how to turn me on. Go on, read to me in that lovely voice of yours.”

He smiled and pulled out three letters from his pocket – all of them addressed to Leto, to preserve his and Hawke’s privacy when they went to town.

He ripped open the first envelope. “All right,” he said. “This one is from Cassandra.”

Fenris,

I hope this letter finds you well. We had heard that there might be a hurricane on the coast of Rivain, so I hope you will plan your defenses accordingly for your cabin. Why are you yawning? Is the content of my letter boring to you? Ugh, perhaps it is boring. Nobody wants to read about the weather.

Maybe you can tell them – yes, I know what to say. Please tell Hawke that the College of Magi are cooperating reasonably well with the Circle. Grand Enchanter Vivienne continues to be… hard-headed. Frankly, she is a pain to deal with, but a powerful force nonetheless. I suppose some would say the same of me, so I should not complain. In any case, Vivienne and Fiona are frequently butting heads, but it seems to be keeping both the Circle and the College on their toes. I am monitoring the situation, and I pray to the Maker that I will not have to step in, but only time will tell.

Our scarlet friend is doing well and getting up to no trouble whatsoever. She said to give cookies and kisses to the wee widdle. Do not look at me like that, she insisted that I pass the message on that way.

I appreciate your updates on Faren’s growth. I would dearly like to meet him someday. If ever you decide to visit Val Royeaux – oh, I’m being ridiculous, they would not want to visit Val Royeaux. I wouldn’t visit Val Royeaux if I didn’t live here. Perhaps I can find an excuse to visit Kirkwall during one of the months when Fenris and Hawke are staying with Varric. Make a note, will you? Find a reason for me to meet with Kirkwall’s Grand Cleric in two months’ time. Fenris and Hawke will still be in Kirkwall, and I can meet their child then.

This is a terrible letter, isn’t it? You know what, it is not my fault that these letters are bad. Nobody taught me how to dictate. I like to think this is better than the last few. Why in the Maker’s name are you laughing? Just finish this up, will you?

Walk in Andraste’s Holy Light, Divine Victoria

Hawke hiccuped and wiped a happy tear from the corner of her eye. “Oh Cassandra,” she chortled. “Maker’s balls, I love her. She isn’t getting any better at dictating, is she?”

“She really isn’t,” Fenris said fondly. “All right, this next letter is from Rainier.”

Dear Fenris and Hawke,

I’m writing to you from Markham. Bit of a risky place to visit since I’m known here, but I suppose I’m older and broader than I used to be. I haven’t been hassled much since arriving, aside from a few dirty looks, which is fair enough.

The prison guards were suspicious when I first arrived. More so when I told them I just wanted to talk to the prisoners, no other plans, no other plots. But they let me talk to them eventually, and I like to think I gave a little bit of comfort and hope – like you and Hawke gave to me when I was at my worst. I like to think Cole would approve too, if the lad was still here.

I was thinking that we could bring Faren to Markham when he’s older to see the Grand Tourney. I’d be happy to introduce him to the sport. I can teach him to ride as well, once he’s big enough. A pony to start – they’re easy to guide, not as high off the ground and a little less frightening. But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, since he’s not walking yet.

I will be back in Rivain in a few weeks – probably not long after you receive this letter, truth be told. I’ll keep your cabin in good shape for you while you’re in Kirkwall, as usual. If you need any repairs done, leave me a note on the kitchen table, and I’ll get to it before you come back.

Regards to you and the little tyke.

Thom

Hawke smiled and took the letter from Fenris’s hand. “He’s such a good uncle. And the best handyman!” She ran her thumbs fondly over the parchment. “I still can’t believe he built the cabin for us.”

“We are extremely fortunate,” Fenris agreed. He glanced across the beach at the cozy cabin in the woods where their family lived in for two thirds of the year – a cabin that Blackwall had designed and built with help from Bull and the Chargers. He’d built a second cabin for himself about a kilometer to the east: close enough that Hawke and Fenris saw him frequently when they were all in Rivain, but far enough that they had the privacy that Fenris had craved for so long.

Fenris pulled out the third and last letter, then frowned when he recognized the handwriting. “This is from Varric,” he said.

Hawke raised her eyebrows. “From Varric? But he knows we’re setting sail tomorrow. Why would he write so soon before we’re supposed to get to Kirkwall?”

“I’m not sure,” Fenris said slowly. He couldn’t decide if the timing of this letter meant its contents would be time-sensitive, or if it meant they were completely inconsequential, given that Fenris and Hawke could have left Rivain entirely without receiving this letter.

He opened the envelope and read the contents out to Hawke.

Hawke, Fenris,

First of all, calm down. No need to worry. Just wanted to give you a heads-up in case you get this before you leave. One of my friends around the city mentioned a newcomer in Lowtown – in the alienage, specifically. A city elf from the sounds of it; no Dalish tattoos. She’s a real incognito type, really been keeping to the shadows, but word has that she’s got an Orlesian accent.

I mentioned it to Nightingale, and she wondered if this is something you might be interested in looking into while you guys are here. Something tells me our Orlesian friend might be here specifically for you, but we’ll see.

No big deal if you don’t get this before you arrive. Looking forward to getting Faren’s help again with burning my mail. That kid will make a great assistant someday. You know I’m training him up to be the next Viscount, right? Knowing what mail to burn is the most important step. Just ask Bran.

See you soon.

- V.

P.S. You guys have a title for that book of yours yet? My publisher’s breathing down my neck about it. Saying she can’t market it if she doesn’t know what it’s called. She seems to be forgetting that any book co-written by the Inquisitor and the Champion of Kirkwall will sell out about five seconds after it hits the shelves.

Hawke looked up at Fenris with wide eyes. “A city elf with an Orlesian accent that Varric would bother writing to us about?”

“Briala,” Fenris said quietly. “I can’t think who else it would be.”

“Maker’s balls,” Hawke breathed. “You think…? I assumed she was on Solas’s side!”

“I assumed Solas had killed her,” Fenris said baldly. “I’m shocked to hear she is alive. If this incognito elf is really her.”

Her eyebrows rose. “You think he would have killed her?”

“He is willing to kill all of us,” Fenris said in a hard tone. “What difference does one more person make?”

She dropped his gaze, and Fenris instantly felt guilty for the harshness of his tone. Then she looked up with a bright smile. “Well, that’ll be something interesting to do while we’re in Kirkwall. Aside from bothering Aveline and Varric.”

He studied her bright smile with a pang. “I don’t bother Aveline and Varric. That’s your purview.”

She snickered and elbowed him. “As though you and Faren aren’t beside me the entire time I’m being a bother. An attractive, charming, helpful bother–”

“Shut up, Hawke,” he drawled, and he pinched her waist.

She squeaked and smacked his hand, and he pinched the other side of her waist until she burst out laughing. When she had settled down, she gently rubbed his unmarked chin. “About the book title, though – Varric has a point. Do you want to hear the titles I was thinking of this morning?”

“All right,” he said easily. Her titles were always terrible, but they were worth hearing anyway, for the laugh at least if nothing else.

“Great,” she said brightly. “First I was thinking about an academic title. Something like this: ‘A Compendium of Elven and Dwarven Myths and Observations From Exploring Remote Corners of the World’.”

He looked at her in surprise. “You came up with that?”

“Yes,” she said. “Why?”

He shrugged. “It’s so… reasonable.”

She laughed and smacked his chest. “Excuse me! Too bad if you like it, because I don’t. Too wordy. So I thought we could tag onto Varric’s novel about the Inquisition and call it ‘The Shit Behind The Shit: This Shit Is Even Weirder’.”

He stared at her. “That is a monstrous excuse for a title.”

She laughed harder. “All right, all right, you’re not wrong. Then I was thinking that, well…” She tapped her fingers on his knee for a moment before speaking again. “The book isn’t about us, but you and I are the ones who picked up all this strange information doing all these strange and risky things, and we interviewed all our friends for details and we wrote it up…”

“Go on,” he said slowly.

She smiled. “What about… ‘Lovers In A Dangerous Time’?”

He gave her an odd look. “But it’s as you said. The book isn’t about us.”

“I know,” she said. “But think what Varric said. People will buy it because we wrote it and we’re famous. I know you hate that,” she said as he pursed his lips, “but it’s true. And in this case, it’s a good thing. We reel people in with a titillating title–”

He scoffed, and she grinned and doggedly continued on. “... and we keep them by spilling all the stuff we know. Or the stuff we think we know, at least. Elf stuff, dwarf stuff, Tevinter stuff and Blight stuff… The more people who read it, the better, right? So we use the title to lure them in.”

He twisted his lips ruefully. She had a point. If knowledge was power, and Fenris’s goal was to disseminate that power…

He gave her a flat look. “With a title like that, people will expect sex in the book.”

“We can put sex in the book,” she said smoothly. She shuffled closer to him on the blanket and petted his chest.

He tutted, but he couldn’t hide his smile. “No, Hawke. This is a serious non-fiction work.”

She kissed his cheekbone, then slid onto his lap to straddle him. “Sex is serious non-fiction work,” she murmured, and she nibbled his earlobe.

A shiver of pleasure ran down his neck, but he harrumphed. “Is that meant to be seductive?”

She smiled sweetly. “Maybe. Did it work? Even a little?”

“No,” he said. He smoothed one hand over her hip.

“Hmm,” she said. “I suppose I should work harder, then.” She brushed her lips to his, and he gave in to the softness of her kiss.

A moment later, he leaned away from her with a sigh. “‘Lovers In A Dangerous Time,’” he mused. He gave her a skeptical look. “Based on the title alone, I wouldn’t read it.”

She tilted her head. “Do you think other people would?”

“Perhaps. Probably,” he admitted.

She gave him a wheedling smile, and Fenris huffed in amusement. “I will consider it,” he said. “Let’s see what Varric thinks.”

“That’s good enough for me,” Hawke said happily. She kissed him once more, then slid off of his lap and tidied the letters, but Fenris noted that her face fell slightly when she glanced at the one from Varric.

A possible lead on Solas, he thought. It had been a long time since Leliana or anyone else had found any significant information about Solas’s movements, and if the mysterious Orlesian elf in Kirkwall really was Briala, this could be a major development.

Or a major trap.

He pushed the concern aside for now. There was nothing they could do until they were in Kirkwall, and until then, there was no point spoiling such a beautiful day with worries.

He stood up and held his hand out to Hawke. “Come. Let’s go join the others.”

She took his hand and rose to her feet. “No need,” she said cheerfully. “They’re right there.”

Fenris looked up. Cullen, Piper, and Isabela were strolling back along the shoreline with Landon and Toby prancing at their heels, and Faren was ensconced in Piper’s arms.

Hawke ran off to meet them. Faren squealed happily when Hawke took him from Piper, and when Fenris joined them, the baby shrieked again and reached for him.

“I am here, little man,” Fenris said. “There’s no need to shout.” He took Faren from Hawke and kissed his hair – soft black hair scented with a special sort of sweetness that Fenris had only ever smelled on his son’s precious head, along with the faintest hint of sandalwood.

“He touched a tadpole,” Piper said brightly. Then she winced. “Almost squished it, actually. But I managed to save it.”

“Good,” Fenris said. He stroked Faren’s back and spoke softly to his son. “Even small lives are worthy of protection. Never forget that.”

Faren yawned, and Fenris kissed his head once more. “I believe someone’s in need of a nap,” he said. He shifted his son’s weight to one hip and took Hawke’s hand.

She squeezed his fingers, and he gazed lovingly at her smiling coppery eyes. Then he turned toward their cozy cabin at the edge of the Rivaini beach.

“Come,” he said. “Let’s go home.”

#fenris #fenris fic #Lovers in a Dangerous Time #fenris the inquisitor #fenquisition #fenhawke #fenris/hawke #fenris x hawke #fenris/femhawke #fenris x femhawke #fenris/f!hawke #fenris x f!hawke #fenrynne #pikapeppa writes #pikapeppa has TOO MANY FEELINGS #SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

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yourfavoritequeerfangirl · 4 years ago

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this is my very gay and specific twilight au because i’m bored

first off the cullens are diverse because i don’t fuck with the white bullshit so imagine them diversely

renee notices that bella doesn’t have a lot of friends in phoenix

so she calls charlie and sets it up so that bella can have a change

at first bella’s not sure about leaving, but on her first day at forks high, she meets angela, lauren, and jessica who are very welcoming to her

yes lauren’s nice because i don’t like her toxicity

anyways they walk her to her class after lunch which is obviously biology

the only empty seat is next to none other than miss rosalie hale

i bet you though i was gonna say alice

anyways at first rosalie doesn’t get what the big deal is about this bella swan character, so she’s indignant and petty

when bella sits down next to rosalie and that’s when her scent hits her for the first time

instead of being a little pissbaby and fantasizing about ways to kill her, she calmly raises her hand and asks to be excused

she claims to feel sick and that she needs to go to the nurse where she then skips out and goes to her car

at this point i know you’re thinking “well what about emmett, hmmm?” and heres what i have to say to you

emmett is still a cullen, though rosalie had not seen a mate in him and edward was the one who save him

because “emmett had pure thoughts and couldn’t die”

anyways after rosalie gets excused from biology, she heads to the hospital and talks to carlisle

carlisle, having had a few slip ups of his own because the super self control storyline is bullshit, gives her the best advice he can

and that advice is to remember that she’s human and has her whole life ahead of her, knowing that rosalie would be sensitive to her mortality

she nods and goes home to confide in emmett who is her Himbo™️ and tells him about the cute new girl who smells really good

edward being the nosy and dramatic bitch he is reads their thoughts and finds her intriguing too

so the next day he goes and talks to bella and finds out that he can’t read her mind for whatever reason

this makes him all the more interested in her

bella, being the bisexual icon that she is, finds herself attracted to both rosalie and edward

skip ahead to port angeles and jessica decided “hey why not invite rosalie because no one ever does”

so rosalie is in port angeles when bella decides to head off to that bookstore

rosalie kindly stops her and asks if she can accompany her

because “you shouldn’t be out alone this late”

rosalie, having rarely been to port angeles, gets her and bella lost so they wander around the non-tourist part of the city

that’s when they run into the group of creepy guys whose names i can’t remember for the life of me

“not again”

rosalie doesn’t know what else to do, so she scoops bella up and runs her away from the men a bit too fast

bella gets confused as to how they got away so fast

they meet up with angela and jessica at bella italia and rosalie forces bella to go in and get food

while eating, bella obviously questions how they got away so fast

rosalie says “fuck it” and tells her about the family because she had already exposed too much

she would deal with edward and jasper later

our inquisitive queen bella has a million questions, all of which rosalie answers gracefully

bella asks rosalie out, forgetting about her attraction to edwierdo because they only talked the one time and he wasn’t that strange

they go home and the next day, bella goes for a walk through the neighborhood

jacob had been in town with his mom (because the wolves all coming from broken homes is, again, bullshit) and leah buying parts for the rabbit

jacob is older (prolly around 19 or 20) and is dating leah who, after getting over sam, decided to give love another try

jacob remembers bella better than he remembers her because he was four when she was little

so they get chatting after sarah sees her and makes jake pull over

and bella promises to go visit the reservation sometime soon

if you’re wondering whether or not bella know the legends, the answer is not

edward finds out that rosalie told bella about the family secret and gets angry, as one would, and tries to convince carlisle to let him kill bella

because he can’t read her thoughts and she knows to much, she could tell people without them even knowing

“she promised not to tell edward and i love her”

at that point, the potential love triangle dies because rosalie has been through hell and deserves to be happy

skip forward to the baseball game

rosalie is hesitant about bella being in the field, but alice convinced her that she’ll be okay

so when the nomads arrive, rosalie is justifiably upset with alice but not herself because she’s not as emo as edward

“you brought a snack”

alice just laughs, trying to deter them and nods before tossing the ball up in the air

“she’s actually got a trig test tomorrow so we have to wait until the weekend so she won’t fail”

emmett steps in front of her and rosalie so that they can make their escape

and since james had already fed and didn’t get the reaction he expected, he just lets it go

bella is happy that she didn’t have to hurt charlie and she wasn’t sure that she could even go back to phoenix should the tracker be after her

rosalie profusely apologizes for putting her in danger, but bella just shrugs it off

“so this weekend, huh?”

rosalie winks and unstraps the off-roading harness and walks her up to the door

she kisses her goodnight and goes home happy and unworried

#the way i kinda want to write this fic #enjoy this au #i can do new moon if you want #this was really fun to write #twilight #twilight renaissance #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #twilight fanfiction #twilight au

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dragonswithjetpacks · 4 years ago

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I’m going to say this one time about Cullen and that’s it. And my opinion will be out there and done. This is not a negative post. But this is a long post so buckle up babes.

*warning for use of language because I swear like a sailor*

*also brief mention of rape*

Anyway, Cullen is a perfect example of poor planning in the gaming industry.

He is also a perfect example of fans thirsting so hard and wanting something so bad that the writers and developers change a character and even game elements to suite their needs. They didn’t even give him a book or a comic for redemption. You know what they did instead? They switched writers. Cullen has three writers. All of them with a different character in mind.

Cullen was a fucked up mess in Origins. He was meant to be creepy and sociopathic. I get that. The writer who basically created him had no idea he was even going to be not only a reoccurring character, but one that was going to be romance able in future games. She even apologized. Which wasn’t necessary. And so many people who played the game missed a big point about Cullen. He was never supposed to recover from Origins.

“The young templar Cullen never quite recovered from his ordeal. After months of attempting to convince his superiors that the tower was still a danger, he finally snapped and killed three apprentices before being stopped by his fellow templars. Eventually, Cullen escaped from prison, a madman and a threat to any mage he encountered.”

“Once the tower was rebuilt, Knight-Commander Greagoir stepped down from his post and retired to a life of private contemplation as a brother in the Chantry. His health failed over time, and after refusing treatment, he perished in his sleep. Knight-Commander Cullen was said to be more strict and less trusting of the mages even than Greagoir was. He ruled the Circle with fear.”

I’m sorry. But yeah. That’s the epilogue on two different choices involving the Circle’s fate in Origins. And it was ignored. I agree with that, too. But it wasn’t just Cullen that was ignored. It was the entire Circle at Kinloch Hold. If the mage warden sacrifices their own life, the Circle is supposedly free. Which... is not mentioned... ever again. And not to mention is impossible? Like okay thanks Anora or whoever but I don’t think you can just do that.

Poor writing.

I’d also like to mention for the record I did not like Cullen in Origins. I still don’t.

Now, I don’t know why exactly Cullen was brought back in DA2? I know his writer got bullied out of Bioware. I do not have an opinion on that. I mean the woman co-wrote my favorite part of Origins (Anvil of the Void). She also wrote Anders. Which I don’t think is a coincidence. People, men and women, often have this idea of fixing a broken person. It’s heavily romanticized. It’s called codependency. And you see it a lot in romance novels. But that’s another topic. It seems this writer implemented that in the game (along with some of her own personal things she had) without fully knowing Cullen would even be a romantic interest in Inquisition, but also still wanting to give him some sort reason to be desired. And all the while knowing Anders was fully romanceable. Even... a little forcefully... romanceable... if I may add... (I am uncomfortable) I also dislike some of Anders’ writing but that’s another post and I don’t want to compare the two. But Anders was the opposite side of Cullen that was done better because they had time to write it.

Regardless, Cullen seemed to hold some resemblance to his former character. But we do see a lot hesitance with him. He’s basically that “good” cop that doesn’t do anything when the bad cop is beating the shit out of everyone. Still not good, hence the quotes. Not a good guy. He has his meh he’s alright moments. And seems to generally disregard Hawke in every single way. But he’s still an ass hole for letting things happen the way that they did when he could very much so have put a stop to it. Maybe it was the writers’ intention to make it that way to show he was still suffering from trauma in Origins.

Again. Poor writing. BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW. DIDN’T HE KILL THREE PEOPLE, BIOWARE? ISN’T HE SUPPOSED TO BE KNIGHT COMMANDER IN FERELDEN, B I O W A R E??? WHAT. HAPPENED. BIOWARE.

So here’s the next thing. They decided to slip him into Inquisition for whatever reason. His writing was fair enough in DA2. Could have been better. But these people are still thirsty. They want some Curly. At the last minute, they throw romance on him. Not a bad idea. But are we supposed to forget the man was basically raped by desire demons? Is he even ok to have a relationship? OH WAIT THAT’S RIGHT. We didn’t closure on that because they ignored it.

Anyway, Cullen in Inquisition seems to be different. But because they couldn’t just, oh I don’t know, write a different character with the same traits but better, they had to somehow put the events of the previous games and how it affected him into this new current game where he supposed to be... better? Ish? Which is where we get the stereo type soldier with PTSD and a substance abuse problem. Now, if you’re any good with imagining and writing fanfic, then you probably know or already have figured out a way to connect everything better than Bioware could. But hey. Last minute romance written in on a character who was already all over the charts? Count me in. I like a good writing challenge. Poor girl who took the job of writing Inquisition Cullen likes a challenge too, apparently. Because it was her first big project. And she didn’t do a bad job. But imagine working hard on trying to write a character half the fandom hates into someone somewhat likeable just for everyone to shit all over it.

The way I look at it.... we have three different characters. And he is not really a good example to look at analyze wise. He is inconsistent. And was molded for Inquisition for thirsty fan girls. And some boys (I see you). A good example for study would be Morrigan. Or even Alistair. And Alistair is in several of the comics and still remains pretty consistent. Leliana is a prime example of character development over a course of three games. And I highly recommend you fall in love with her good and bad side because she is written beautifully. Don’t @ me.

Cullen, and I mean Inquisition Cullen, has a lot to like. And a lot to dislike. Every character is flawed. I think a lot of hate that gets tagged onto Cullen is really from poor writing. They really got lazy with him. And it is a shame. I feel like he could have been redeemed way better. He could have had one hell of a redemption. Or possibly just skipped over all together. I see a lot of posts about putting Samson in his place and I often agree. It was never quite the character that made him appealing to me. It was the personality. And they could have easily done with anyone. They could have made Samson sexy, too. It didn’t have to be sexy Cullen. And let’s face it. With Cullen’s writing in Origins and even some of the writing in DA2, Cullen siding with Coryphedouche is way more fitting than Samson.

Basically, it is up to us to fill in the gaps. So I love seeing fanfic with Cullen backstory. Because it gives better insight than what the writers could accomplish. And I applaud you if you’ve done that. BUT the over sexualization of this character is a bit... wrong. It feels wrong. And that’s all I’ll say to that. Personally, I’ve been working on some Cullen romance fic for awhile and it’s been challenging trying to find a way to make him less douchey. One minute, he’s yelling at you about mages. And the next, he’s got this soft tone and nervous look. Like, yeah... you can tell it’s rushed. And awful. And even the dialogue is just... painful. It doesn’t fit. (you can check my Cullen tag in blog to see how I feel about that). I will say that even speaking to him on a personal note, asking him questions about life as a templar, he even says he does not agree with the Order. And he wants to change his thinking. But he still gets angry when you go to side with the mages. It feels like they wanted redeem him but they also needed someone to side with the templars to provide conflict at the war table.

So in my opinion, calling him controlling and abusive is a bit of a stretch. He was clearly used by the writers. It just seems ridiculous to put so much effort in bashing the character when clearly... he was not planned out... or put together... I just... I don’t get...

I know what you’re thinking at this point: Kay.... why do you like him then?

Beacause. I am weak for a man who gets nervous around girls he likes. His awkward mannerisms despite being a man of power makes me weak. The need to protect also makes me weak. But also the ability to admit vulnerability makes me suuuuuper weak. So like I said. There was a lot there. It just was not delivered correctly. You know what I would have done? If I had to put him in the Commander shoes, I would have made the whole Kirkwall thing a life changer for him. Maybe even give him a soul searching type situation before joining the Inquisition. And definitely tell him to keep his mouth shut about siding with the templars.

Long story short: Ya’ll thirsted over a weird dude in Origins and Bioware went hmmmm okay. But by the time they gave him to you on a silver plate, it was last minute. Like you just found out your crush Jared is going to Becky’s party but you’re already at Jessica’s house and have like nothing to wear so you have to just wing it. And your shoes look tacky, but Jessica’s shoes don’t fit. So you either have to wear shoes that don’t fit or just look like omg total garbage. And Bioware went with the shoes that don’t fit. And Jared totally likes them.

I’m also going to say the most controversial thing on this entire post by just... saying... by calling Cullen out as trash without realizing the writing, the directive, the lack of development, the rush on this character, and the complete absolute bullying this community does to it’s FANS AND WRITERS kind of feels like you didn’t really put any effort into understanding why and just jumped on a band wagon. And the fact that some of you make other people feel bad for liking this character is awful. Some of the most toxic shit I’ve seen. Like maybe they like this character from Inquisition because, I don’t know, maaaaaaybe he was written out almost like a new character with a last minute fantasy romance.. because he kind of was...

Now for my opinion on Greg Ellis.

FUCK THAT GUY.

And that’s it. Thanks for stopping by. If you agree cool, if not cool. I’m not here to argue with anyone or say your opinion is invalid. We all have reasons why we hate or love the color blue. So we can all disagree or agree and live in peace and still love a game.

You can always message me, too, guys. I have a lot of opinions. And reasons for my opinions. And theories. And just things in general. But I will not hate characters written in Dragon Age. Someone wrote them. Someone is out there working their ass off to deliver a character. And I refuse to hate someone fictional.

#dragon age #dragon age critical #cullen rutherford #commander cullen #cullen critical #dragon age cullen #analyzing cullen #fuck greg ellis #kay has spoken

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athenril-of-kirkwall · 4 years ago

Note

Hello! For DADWC, from Drabbles: 41. “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

Hello there! :)

Marzia Cadash, “The Herald’s Restlessness” (AO3)

Varric gingerly stepped over the threshold of The Herald’s Rest, lantern in hand, with Sera a couple of steps behind him as they approached the figure hunched over the bar, a lone candle providing all the illumination for the bottom floor of the tavern save for a few others hanging off the columns.

“Is she alive?”, Sera whispered into his ear harshly.

“Shh!”, he retorted. “I’m trying to hear for her breathing.”

Marzia Cadash, almighty Inquisitor and the Herald of Andraste for whom the tavern was named, slowly glanced at them, saying, “I can hear the two of you, you know.”

“Right, that’s me done, having fetched Skyhold’s counsellor,” Sera said, yawning performatively as she headed up the stairs. “Normally I’d love to chat with you lot but, it’s like, three hours before the sun’s up, yeah? I can barely get any sleep in this place when you’re all tearing the place up, you know.”

“All right,” Varric said to the empty space where Sera had been. “Just leave me to handle this all by myself, sure. Thanks for nothing.”

Her voice sounded from the second floor, shouting, “I snuck out the window to go fetch you and that’s the thanks I get?”

“Just go to bed!”, Varric shouted back, muttering to himself again, “Andraste’s sake, either sleep or don’t, just don’t try and have the last word all the time.”

“What’s this all about, then?”, Marzia asked as she turned around to face Varric. “I didn’t know there was a public enquiry out for me.”

“Nothing like that at all,” Varric answered, “Just that Sera noticed you were still here and in a state long after even Bull had packed up and left and, well, she didn’t want to come down the stairs to check if you were still breathing so she went all the way to the main keep to find me.”

“Why you?”, she asked, before clarifying, “Not that I meant—”

Varric shook his head as he drew up a barstool, saying, “Don’t worry yourself with it, Bashful. She, and half the people here, must figure that I’ve got the magic touch or somesuch. So, your Inquisitorialness, what’s troubling you?”

Marzia crossed her arms, saying, “Whatever makes you think that I’m in trouble?”

“Not that you’re, strictly speaking, in trouble, Your Worship,” he explained, “But you have to admit most reasonable people aren’t up at four in the morning at the bar, downing…”

He sniffed the air to identify her drink of choice as she picked her mug up to display it, saying, “Tea. The kind Solas despises. But yes, I’ve got a killer headache already, so I do appreciate your current volume.”

“Things must be pretty bad if you’re drinking Solas’ tea of all things, Marzia,” Varric said, finally addressing her by name. “I was thinking you were looking a bit morose even as the Chargers were coming this close to tearing down the whole place. You’ve done a great thing there—I think Bull’s feeling better than he has in ages, that’s for sure.”

Staring into the bottom of her mug, Marzia said, “I don’t know about that. Anyway, this is the first thing last night that…well, you can read it for yourself.”

Marzia took out a small scroll and handed it over to Varric who pored over it, picking out the most relevant parts of the note, mouthing, “Rainier freed from Val Royeaux, en route to Skyhold, arrive here tomorrow or…oh. Well…”

“…Shit,” she finished, taking it back from him. “Now you might understand why I’m not exactly overjoyed right now.”

Varric nodded, saying, “This would be rough on anyone, but especially you, seeing as well, the two of you weren’t trying to be subtle or anything. Still, maybe you want to get some rest so you’re fit to pass judgement once he gets here.”

Marzia suddenly pounded the table with her mug, arguing, “That’s the problem! Who in the world thinks I’m fit to judge him, given that we…oh, it’s such a mess, Varric! I should have just left him in that cell, but…”

“But you don’t mean that, do you?”, Varric gently asked. “And, well, you’re the one person who can judge him outside of whatever courts they have in Orlais, and that’s not really an option anymore, is it?”

Heaving a deep sigh, Marzia said, “No, you’re right. About both things. But…it’s insane, Varric! Everyone in the world is waiting on me for answers, but what am I?! I’ve just sunk our alliance with the Qunari, and what did I base my decisions on? Not being able to bring myself to watch Bull’s guys get slaughtered? I’m not fit to be choosing how the world’s going to go from here.”

“You say that,” Varric mused, “But sometimes the best decisions aren’t made by suppressing your gut feelings, they’re made with your heart…as corny as that sounds. Also anatomically confused, I realied. Besides, I know the qunari well enough to say that even if they’re grateful to you for their precious dreadnought, I’m actually a little relieved they’re not going to keep a presence over hereabouts. Call it personal prejudice, but that never sat all that well with me.”

“Personal prejudice?”, Marzia pressed.

“Yeah, well,” Varric said, “They can camp peacefully for a few years, and then try and tear the entire place to shreds, and still say they’re being morally consistent before and after. Maker knows how they’d justify coming down here as a permanent presence, you get what I’m saying? Even when they withdrew all their aid, they still left a knife for the Bull.”

“Maybe you’ve got a point,” Marzia said, scratching the back of her head. “But see, you could’ve made that decision with all that information! I wasn’t even thinking that hard!”

“And maybe you didn’t need to,” Varric countered. “You’ve got a great deal more wisdom than you’re giving yourself credit for, I think.”

“Really, now?”, Marzia asked back. “I…allowed myself to believe in our resident false Warden and even went to him for…comfort…and I’m still meant to judge him less than two days from now. What are people going to make of it?”

Idly looking for something over the counter for himself to drink, Varric said, “I genuinely think you’re being far too harsh on yourself for that. After all, Sister Nightingale was a veteran of the Blight and she didn’t put the pieces together all that long before we did.”

Sighing again, Marzia continued, “I don’t know where important people even get all this wisdom and judgement from, Varric. I wasn’t anyone important in the Carta, just someone sent to hit problems with a sword. Uncle Gavius always made the big decisions when it came to us…even here I’ve got Cullen, Josephine and Leliana to give me my options. When it came to the dreadnought or the Chargers, it was just me. And I chose based on…well, you already know. And then there was…”

Varric filled a mostly-clean tankard with something from the keg behind the bar, pausing halfway through his sip to ask, “There was what?”

“And then there’s Hawke…”

Silence reigned in the empty tavern as Varric slowly paced around the bar to sit by Marzia. Looking into his own mug, he downed a good quarter of it whilst considering his words.

“Is this what it’s about then?”, he asked carefully.

“Yes,” Marzia said, tears streaking down her face. “No. I don’t know, Varric. I’m sorry, but…I made the choice. I made a choice that hurt you, the one thing you wanted to avoid when you got caught up in this. I’m so sorry…”

Varric stared through the wall in front of him, finally saying, “No, I don’t think you did.”

Looking for something to wipe her eyes, she asked, “I didn’t what? Hurt you?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think that was your choice to make. I don’t know how much you remember from my account but Hawke’s brother, Carver, he owed his life to two Grey Wardens. One you’ve met, Ser Stroud, who’s reporting back to Weisshaupt this very moment.”

“And the other?”, Marzia asked, drying her eyes on her sleeve.

Varric let himself have a bitter laugh as he offered a cloth from his pockets. “The one who got us all into this mess. Well, the mess Part One anyway. Good old Blondie.”

“Anders? But didn’t she…”

“Funny way the world works, huh? She wound up falling in love with him during their time together in Kirkwall, and went along with all his grand plans and schemes until she realised where she was headed with them. And then…well, you know the rest, I believe.”

Mariza pressed her fingertips into her forehead, rubbing it in a bid to think harder. “But what does that have to do with…?”

“I’m getting to that,” Varric said in between sips of what had turned out to be ale. “It was Anders who brought a Carver who’d been Blighted to Stroud and the other Wardens to save him with the Joining, and that’s why he of all Wardens was Hawke’s contact. If Anders hadn’t known the way, and if Stroud hadn’t been able or willing to act, there wouldn’t be any Hawkes left in this world. Do you get it now?”

“I…so, when Stroud tried to give his life to cover our escape…”, Marzia said, trailing off.

“It wasn’t your choice to make, not really,” Varric said, continuing, “Hawke owed her brother’s life to two men, one of them she herself killed, and here was one volunteering to die for her sake. Well, I reckon she felt that didn’t have a choice either. It took me a long while to figure it out, but there it is.”

Silence hung in the air with that conclusion, until Marzia finally spoke up.

“So, what does that all come to? How do people make these choices? Or how don’t they make them?”

Varric looked over to her, saying, “Hell, you think I know? The best advice I can give you—and I’m speaking as someone who started drinking ale at four in the morning—is to make sure, for as long as possible, that you have a real choice and things aren’t taken out of your hands because by that point it’ll all be too late.”

Marzia blinked as she absorbed his worldly wisdom, saying, “You know, I think that almost makes sense.”

“Come on, it’s the best I can manage at this hour,” he said, “You want some actual advice? Go get some sleep. No good choices were ever made in taverns this early in the morning.”

“I’ll drink to that,” she said, clinking her mug against his.

@dadrunkwriting

#marzia cadash #f!cadash/blackwall #varric #sera #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #ao3 #prompt fic #fanfic #athenril-of-kirkwall #atruthandalie #dadrunkwriting #da drunk writing circle

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sebsallowapologist · 5 years ago

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Pothos: Pt 2

Okay well that was awesome! I didn’t know that many people were going to like / read my story thats so cool!

Anyway, heres a part 2, please tell me what you think and if you’d like more!!

If you need to read the first part you can do it here

I slowly unlock the door and twist the handle, pulling it back to reveal him in all his glory. Well certainly not all his glory, my feeble human eyes would never give the man justice. “Bella.” He says, breathing out my name, as if he’d been holding his breath for a very long time. I nod at him, keeping my hand on the door. “W-What are you doing here?” I ask and he shakes his head. “I don’t know.” He says and it sounds honest, and painful. Had he not hurt me enough?

“May I come in?” He asks and I realize that he’s in Los Angeles. Edward- my Edward- who sparkles in the sun is standing on my front step, hiding from the sun and asking to come into my home. I press my lips together to keep my mouth in a hard line so the manic giggle wouldn’t escape, he was like a movie vampire, not coming into my house unless he had permission.

I open up the door farther and let him into the safe shade that my home provided. He pulls the hood down and my sharp inhale of breath sounds like the softest gasp. He was even more beautiful than I had remembered. Of course he was.

His bronze hair was still perfectly tousled, his eyes were the lightest I’d ever seen them- or maybe my memory hadn’t done it’s job. And all I had done was age. I open my mouth but my throat is dry, and I don’t know what to say. I was asleep not a minute ago and now- I was standing in my living room with a ghost- or an angel I wasn’t sure. His eyes glance around my living room and land at the full pot of mac and cheese, which makes his eyebrow lift up.

“I wasn’t expecting company.” I tell him as the familiar blush heats up my face. I grab the pot and carry it to the kitchen, throwing it in the sink for now. He follows me into the kitchen with his hands in his jean pockets. “Do you need a few human minutes?” He asks, the right side of his mouth, pulling up into a smirk. It hits me that he could think of those memories, that thinking about the morning after he spent his first night with me- first night I knew about- brought him joy. I was jealous. The memory stabs me in the gut.

“I think I’ve had plenty.” I answer and lean back on my counter. “What are you doing here?” I ask again and he sighs. “I truly don’t know.”

“Are you here to hurt me again?” I ask and I catch a quick cringe cross his face. “No. Nothing like that.” He says and tears prick at my eyes. “Are you really here?” I ask and he looks so confused I have to smile a little bit.

I took some solace in the fact that he was probably cursing himself that he couldn’t read my thoughts- not that I was doing a good job at that right now. I clarify, “You’re not a dream, an apparition? I’m not still drunk from the night before?” I ask and he shakes his head. “I’m not a dream- but I can’t attest to your blood alcohol content.”

I roll my eyes and the motion reminds me of the little headache that was getting bigger with each confusing sentence. I reach out, slowly so that he knows what I’m doing and I gently place a hand on his chest. It was hard, and felt a little warm through the sweatshirt, I move my hand up to his neck to feel the familiar cool skin. “You’re here? I really haven’t finally snapped?” I ask and he nods. “I’m here.”

He puts his hand on top of mine and I could do it- I could lean into his chest and take it all in- his smell, his touch, his strong chest. But that would make it all so much worse when he left again. I had to think about my future self, was I digging myself further into a hole or had I already reached rock bottom?

I take my hand away and turn around, working on getting some coffee brewed for myself. “Why are you in LA? Isn’t it a little dangerous?” I ask, trying to fill the silence. What are you even supposed to say when the love of your life- the gateway into this magical world you once knew, comes to town?

He chuckles a little, “Any more dangerous than walking home alone from a bar after drinking?” and my eyes narrow. “You fucking spied on me?” I ask and turn around. I see him flinch at the curse world and I close my eyes. “I had to make sure-”

“Make sure of what?” I huff. I was getting mad, make sure that I wasn’t dead?

“If I was going to come back I had to make sure that- you weren’t happy.” He sighs and I blink a few times, my poor brain was having trouble processing all of this. He was trying to see if I ever recovered from the worst pain I’d ever known?

I pour myself a mug of coffee and take a scalding sip as I try to work through all of this. “Please tell me what you’re thinking?” He begs.

“I really don’t think you deserve that.” I huff and he nods, “You’re right, I don’t, I should be here, groveling on my knees for your forgiveness.” You tell me and I sigh, I point to the table in the corner of my kitchen. “Sit.”

He’s in the chair before I take my first step to sit across from him. “Can you answer some questions for me?” I ask and he nods. I sigh, I had to start off slowly- for myself. “How long have you been in LA?” I ask and he sighs, “Three days.”

“Have you been following me all three days?” I ask and he shakes his head no. “Just two. I had to talk with Alice before I did anything.”

“Alice is in LA?” I ask and he nods. “Yes, she loves LA nearly as much as she loves New York.” How long had Alice been here and hadn’t spoken to me?

I blow the air out of my mouth and take another large gulp of coffee. “I hear water eases a hangover- not that I have any experience but you’re dehyd-”

“Thank you Dr Cullen.” I cut him off. I really didn’t want his advice right now, and even though he’s right, a glass of water would help, I don't move from my seat. “What have you been doing for... seven years.” I cringe. 7 years of staying perfect while I collected a few gray hairs and hints of crows feet. If I could wear a bag over my head to talk to him I would have.

“Traveled. I tried studying but I’m not quite sure what I wanted to study.” He says and I nod. “What’s there to study when you already know it all?” I ask and he chuckles a little. It feels off, the Edward I knew seven years ago didn’t look down when he was speaking to me, he didn’t sound bashful, he didn’t wring his hands together when he talked.

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask and he frowns a little.

“I just didn’t know what I was expecting when I came in here.” He mentions and I nod. “I’m not giving you the reaction you wanted?” I ask “Did you want me to just- jump into your arms? Start crying and beg for you to stay with me?” - because that’s certainly what I wish my reaction was.

“No! I don’t expect that I just- I guess I didn’t know at all I didn’t really think coming here through.” He confesses and I close my eyes.

“If you regret it, you can just leave. I won’t- I’ll chalk it up to a fever dream.” I laugh cynically, as if this little visit won’t send me into a spiral. I jump when I feel a cool hand on my cheek. “I don’t want to leave.”

That cool hand seems to wash away some of the anger I was feeling even if just for a moment. I take a breath that catches in my throat a few times and lean into his palm, putting my hand on top of his. “I’m just so confused.” I tell him and I close my eyes, just letting the feeling of his hand calm me. “I couldn’t be alone anymore.” he sighs. “I couldn’t live another day without you.”

And just like that I was mad again, I drop my hand from his, “Why are you the one that gets to decide that?”

“I’m not, if you tell me to leave I will, I’ll respect your wishes.”

“Oh so you’ll respect them now?” I ask moving away from his hand, getting up from my seat. “It’s my choice if you leave, but for seven years it wasn’t my choice how we ended. I was just abandoned. But now you’re the good guy because now I get a choice!?” I ask and Edward stands up, so much taller than I remembered. I felt like a toddler angry with their parent.

“I am not- I will never be the good guy here. If I was the good guy I would have never came back, I would have never coveted you in the first place!”

“Well it’s too late for that now! And now you’re back for what? Are you bored?”

“No! Bella why won’t you understand! I’m here for you- I’m here to beg you for forgiveness, I’m here to try and be in your life as much or as little as you’ll let me. I love you.” He says and I shake my head, “Don’t say something you’re going to take back later.”

“I’m not Bella, I love you- I have always loved you and I will love you for the rest of my existence.”

“I don’t believe you.” I mumble, I wanted to, I wanted to believe you so badly, but I couldn’t. My brain was stronger now, it knew how to protect itself. I wasn’t foolish enough to believe that this perfect creature wanted me.

“I will spend as long as you’ll let me trying to convince you.” He mumbles and takes my hand in his. We stand like that for a little while with his hand wrapped around mine until it hits me. What was I doing? Being angry at someone who I never thought was going to come back. He said he wasn’t a figment of my imagination, but I didn’t trust this man as far as I could throw him. If I was finally insane I might as well lean into it. “You know, most men when they try to win back an ex lover, they come with flowers.” I smile and if his face could pale anymore it would have.

“Would you like some flowers- you were never the flowers type- and you have so many plants I guess time changes things I will-” He talks at a million miles a second and I laugh a little. “I don’t need flowers.” He smiles back a little bit and I bite my lip.

“So what do we do?” I ask “What do we even do now?” Run back to Forks? Turn back time?

“What do you normally do?” He asks, flashing his kilowatt smile, seeming to realise that I was kind of over being angry for now. “I don’t want to interrupt.” He says and I laugh, rolling my eyes. As if a vampire ex-boyfriend coming back into your life isn’t the biggest interruption I’ve ever heard of. “Well I would normally work to pass the time, but I don’t have to. I’m guessing we can’t go for a hike.” I laugh and push my hair back.

“Maybe a nighttime hike.” He smiles and I laugh a little. “Or we could just catch up.” I tell him and sit back in my chair. “How’s the family?” I ask, testing to see how good my imagination was.

“They’re well, Esme thinks of you often, begging for updates from Alice.” She says and I nod, “Who I assume has been keeping tabs on me?” I ask and he looks ashamed, “I asked her not too, but she’s not very good with being told what to do.”

“I remember.” I laugh and rub my head a little bit.

In a flash there's a glass of water in front of me. “Please?” He asks and I sigh, taking a small sip. “And Emmett? How’s Emmett?”

Edward laughs, “Good. he’s going to really love that you asked about him.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I ask and he shrugs. The conversation lulls, “Am I allowed to ask you to dinner?”

“It would be odd considering the fact that you do not eat.” I remind him and he nods, smiling. “But you do, and I would like to buy you dinner.”

“Like a date? As in an adult date?” I ask and he nods “Yes, a very real, very adult date.” He smiles and I nod.

“Really?” He asks and I laugh a little, “Did you want me to say no?”

“No, I just didn’t think it would be that easy.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m going insane and I want to see if I end up at a restaurant talking to myself.” I smile and he chuckles a little bit. “I’ll convince you that it’s real.”

#twilight #twilight fan fiction #twilight saga #bella swan #edward cullen

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feuilly-cakes · 4 years ago

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Twilight - review

I'm now revealing myself to be twilight trash, but let's talk about it! In this review you'll find the good, the bad, and the ugly (in list form even!) I know this story like the back of my hand, and this is a reread, so although I've only read this particular book once before, I can't be unbiased here. I am a more critical reader now than I was at 14 though, so hopefully this review counts for something. There will be a warning before the section with the spoilers if you haven't yet given in to the curiosity.

I loved it. I gave it 4*. I also found certain parts offensive. Some parts were very funny, and others just as dramatic as you'd expect from a book published for teens in 2005. The love story was, dare I say it, good. It's an enemies to friends to lovers, with a very quick progression on those last two. Both Bella and Edward acted just like regular teens around each other, and if there wasn't a vampire aspect involved it wouldn't have been criticised too heavily on the relationship front. I pretty much sped through the book, even with life getting in the way and pausing every 5 minutes to stick annotation tabs in. We are given a good amount of information about vampires, the history of the characters, and also the kinds of people these characters are. Aside from the offensive/insensitive parts, the entirety of which I will be listing below as I picked up on them, there are only a few moments of genuine real life creepiness not related to the Port Angeles scene right up until the epilogue, which made me very uncomfortable for reasons I shall be explaining. As a random note, I noticed 9 obvious instances of foreshadowing. She must have known where she was going with this series, or else that was a strange coincidence. The rest of this review will contain spoilers Let's begin with how this differs from the movie, since pretty much everyone has seen the movie. First and foremost, there are the characters - Bella and Edward specifically. Bella in this book is a typical teenager with a strong personality. As a child she had tantrums over going to Forks, saying she 'hadn't made a secret of [her] distaste for Forks.' She has a fierce temper, but she is also kind, frowning upon Jessica Stanley's judgement of Esme for adopting kids because she can't have any biologically. She's not vain but she cares about her looks, fussing over her skin being paler once she got to Forks - 'My skin could be pretty' 'I had no color here.' Sarcasm is her thing, and she despairs that none of her new classmates seem to get her sense of humour. She's friendly though an introvert, smiling and waving at everyone who greets her after a week of school while not knowing all of their names. She loves girls nights, and finds being around other girls 'invigorating'. She's independent and won't let Edward question that: "No, she did not send me here. I sent myself." However, she notices she has a very strong crush on Edward that is almost obsessive and finds it 'pitiful' and 'pathetic'. At least she's self aware.

Bella is very funny at times, especially when referencing her clumsiness (I won't spoil this because humour should never be spoiled). Bella is very smart and resourceful, but not in the obvious way. Schoolwork is a breeze for her because she's done most of it at her old school, but she's smart in other ways. It's Bella who figures out about Edward's mind reading abilities and questions him about it, and who flirts with Jacob Black to get information about the Cullens and why they aren't allowed on the reservation. It's Bella who tells Edward that men and women should be equal or as close to equal as they can, each saving each other the same amount of times. It's also Bella who feels that Mike Newton understands her, because they both were new in Forks at one point, and both lived in sunny places and probably both experienced the chain link fences and metal detectors that Bella was shocked were not at Forks High School. (Personally that threw me for a loop too, that schools could have metal detectors.) Edward is closer to the movie characterisation, but acts more like a typical teenage boy. He's moody but charming, awkward at times but also mischievous. At one point he cuts Bella off in the school car park and then deliberately stops his car to wait for his siblings, causing a queue behind them and giving Tyler Crowley the opportunity to ask her to the dance. He does all this to anger Bella, and it was absolutely hilarious. He flip flops between cheerful and broody, and finds Bella utterly fascinating. He is constantly relearning boundaries and ways to make Bella and himself feel more comfortable. An interesting aspect of his character that was definitely unintentional and handled poorly was the way he was coded as demi-sexual. He states that he has never wanted anyone before Bella, and his adoptive mother Esme thought there was something missing in him. As this is offensive I'll be bringing it up again later. Back to some positives, he likes to sing under his breath in a very fast speed that looks like his lips are trembling, and finds the heat of Bella's hands very pleasant. I thought this was cute, and I had to tab it for future reference. A not so cute thing is how he can 'dazzle' Bella by being close to her face and breathing on her. She describes this as her mind going blank, after which we see her agree to whatever he says while she is in this state. It's a bit creepy but he doesn't take advantage of it at first after being made aware of it, he only does so towards the end, which we shall get into later. He also hears the minds of others as a background hum that he can then focus in on, which I found interesting. Now, onto actual plot things that differed, we have Bella never buying that book on Quileute legends, instead simply flirting with a 15 year old Jacob to get his information and then combining that with a google search, and coming to her conclusions that way. Next, we have the Volturi being mentioned but not by name, firstly on vampires a-z in the section: 'Stregoni benefici: An Italian vampire, said to be on the side of goodness, and a mortal enemy of all evil vampires.' and then in a scene that wasn't a part of the film at all, wherein Edward and Bella are in Carlisle's office, talking about his history, and they are brought up simply as Carlisle's artistic friends from Italy. They are named but the word Volturi is nowhere in this book. In a similar vein, several backstories are revealed in this book that we didn't really get to see until later in the series. Bella gets some meaningful interactions with Jasper, who actually sits next to her and touches her to calm her down in the hotel. It's also implied somewhere in those chapters that Alice possibly knew about Bella planning to sneak off and let her go anyway. Finally, Bella is awake after the venom gets sucked out. This is important because she tells them that the venom is gone and thanks Edward before passing out. She was awake and aware the whole time, though in incredible pain. Another difference happens but I'll be discussing that with the other creepy things. Next, I would like to discuss a few things we learn about Vampires. Did you know that despite their physical perfection, a hungry vampire looks like they are recovering from a nose job? The bruises are very prominent, and likely not pretty to look at. Did you also know that they a venomous in the true sense of the word? Alice tells Bella that the venom is to incapacitate victims with the pain, and becoming a vampire is just a side effect, not the true function of the venom. The pain is there for a reason, and that reason is to torture victims with the burning sensation so they can't get away. These vampires may sparkle, but they aren't cute. I will never get the image of snake fangs out of my mind in conjunction to twilight vampires. Am I the only one who didn't realise the inherent creepiness of that because there's no mention of it in the films? Alright, now onto the offensive/ creepy stuff. I'll be bullet pointing these with elaboration where needed. -Bella refers to herself as an albino simply because she is pale. This one just didn't sit right with me, for reasons I can't explain. Stick with me here, it gets worse. -A casual comment about suicide: 'I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose.' This one is tricky, because everyone has made jokes like that, but it made me personally uncomfortable and didn't need to be in there considering the tone of the rest of the book. -Upon Edward talking to her again after the car park incident, Bella says this: "Do you have multiple personality disorder?" This needs no elaboration. Buckle up, it gets worse. -Jacob. He tells Bella his people's legends after she flirts with him, all the while telling her he didn't believe them himself. Then he asks her: "So do you believe we're a bunch of superstitious natives or what?" As someone who is not native american, I can't give a personal perspective here, but I don't believe this is something she should have had a native character say. Stephenie Meyer is a white woman and had no place essentially calling the people she culturally appropriated a bunch of superstitious natives. It was jarring to read that line knowing that it's not her culture and she has no right to say that, only someone from the culture has the right to say that. As I said, I'm not native american and I haven't looked deeply into what exactly she stole and changed, but I know she did it, so that can of course be a pretty major offence to many people. -She compares her clumsiness to being 'almost disabled'. Gross. -The watching her while she sleeps thing. Let's talk about it. She guesses he's been spying on her when he knows where the key is after the meadow date, and he says he's been watching her sleep. It's undoubtedly creepy, but Bella isn't concerned about that. Oh no, she's concerned about what he heard while she was sleep talking. She actually seems unbothered by the stalking aspect, which is why I think these actions flew under the radar for so many people. If Bella thinks it's fine then it must be fine, right? This should have been handled differently. -The Aphobia. Edward tells Bella that Esme was 'afraid that there was something missing from [his] essential makeup'. This is really harmful, but it wasn't intentional. I have no doubt that Stephenie Meyer had no clue and perhaps still has no clue that asexuality is a thing and that she accidentally made Edward demisexual, by simple fact of him being interested in no one before Bella. Nonetheless, it needs to be warned for. -There are heavy implications of p*dophilia here, by choice of language. Regarding Bella's class, full of people her age. Edward calls them a 'class full of children' then on the next page calls Bella 'an insignificant little girl' and then a few chapters down he calls jacob a 'child' to which Bella responds that he is not much younger than she is and Edward cheerfully replies that he knows. It's beyond creepy and I wish it wasn't there, because if it had gone the opposite way of Edward making old man jokes it could have been funny and not horrifying to think about. -Lastly though not leastly, the epilogue. All throughout the book Bella has under no circumstances wanted to go to prom. She is tricked into going to prom. Alice sees the future, Edward reads minds, they knew she wouldn't want to go but bamboozled her into going anyway, and when she starts shouting and crying, Edwards tells her "Don't be difficult". This is creepy and horrifying, that they are taking away her agency and treating her like a child when she tries to refuse. Although she goes and has a goodish time, it still wasn't right to force her into that position. Thus concludes this review, and I leave you with the knowledge that if you read this you get to see the part where Charlie Swan tells Bella that Carlisle Cullen is very attractive. Good day.

#twilight #stephenie meyer #book review #book blogger #twilight trash #book rec #books and literature #vampires

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like-rain-or-confetti · 5 years ago

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Request: Arranged Marriage

inspired by 'the night we met' - Lord Huron

The Volturi and the Cullen's always had a rocky relationship. The solution to this was very much dated in comparison to now. An arranged marriage was really the last option they had. It was decided Demetri would be the one and he chose you. He was very polite, a definite charmer but his attention stayed on you during your first meeting. He lifted your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, eyes latched onto your golden ones. Neither of you were oblivious to how difficult this would be for the both of you. For you especially, it would be the calm before the storm. You did your best to foresee this as a journey and would be a good thing...but you couldn’t help but feel like you’d been sold off to a life of misery.

‘I am not the only traveler Who has not repaid his debt I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met.’

When the Volturi brought you back to their territory, things suddenly felt very real. You were very quiet a lot of the time. Demetri kept you by his side for the first couple of weeks as well as while the ‘wedding’ was being planned. Alice would be planning it, in hopes to help you settle a bit more. Surprisingly Demetri was very attentive to your comfort. You appreciated it but nothing about the situation was much better.

Things didn’t go too well after the wedding. You wanted to go back to the Cullens, struggling to adapt to the Volturi lifestyle. It didn’t help when Demetri was beginning to lose patience. Then again, it had been years and you were never really the same after your first feed with the Volturi. You could never forget it. You screamed and struggled as they forced you to feed on a screaming and pleading human. Caius ranted about the dramatics and how it was practically abuse for Carlisle to encourage such a way of life for you. You were starving but every fibre of your being told you not to do it. Eventually it was left to Felix, Demetri, Alec and Jane to make sure you feed. The twins held your head over the human, pushing you to feed as both Demetri and Felix, yelled at you to give in and feed. After three hours of this relentless treatment, your body gave in and before you knew it, you were feeding on the human. It was then that you were met with praise from the two men as you sobbed though no tears would ever fall.

When you were done, Demetri sat you up, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He mumbled to you about how this was good for you and that everything would be okay. You immediately tried to thrash him off, but he blocked just about all over your hits, forcing your arms to your sides as he continued to hold you. He told you to stop in a low voice. He expected this to come but this had to be done. It was that moment that he lost your trust in him and he knew it. It was completely possible if not definitive that you would never forgive him.

‘And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you’

You were then beyond angry when you heard that Edward and Alice had been in the castle with a human that Edward was apparently romantically involved with. The Volturi were not happy and you were fuming. So much so, you asked the receptionist if you could borrow her phone. You promised you’d return it immediately before walking away with it. You dialled Edwards number, luckily he had still to board the plane so he picked up immediately. Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. “Edward, you better explain to me what the hell you’re doing.” He explained which quickly grew into an argument. “I think you forget that I’m the one who had to leave, to be here to make things better between both covens and you’ve not only disregarded me but also disrespected me in so many ways.” You said firmly. Edward had no issues in defending himself. He was adamant that what he was doing was right as well as continuing with a moral argument. You didn’t want to disrespect Carlisle in anger, so you finished with the last word. “Edward, if you give a damn about me, you’ll think this through. I gave up everything for our family and make things better. You’re wrong.” You hung up the phone, turning to see a smirking Caius. “My apologies, Master. I didn’t intend for you to overhear me.” “No need to worry,” Caius continued to smirk. “I am relieved to see one of you have sense. “I just...I don’t understand why.” You admitted, feeling a bit hurt at Edwards actions. Caius tugged you to walk with him. “You don’t have to understand why. It doesn’t change that it’s wrong.”

‘I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met’

Later that night, Demetri entered your shared room. “I was informed you were told Edward was here.” You nodded with a sigh. “I don’t even have words for it anymore.” You fidgeted with your wedding ring as Demetri sat beside you. “Would you like to talk to me about it?” Typical Demetri, he was always there in an instant. It always gravitated you back to him. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit any love for him. You didn’t want to focus on your feelings for Demetri. “Go on...” Demetri encouraged you. “I can’t...fix this. I always did what i was told. I was the mediator. I fixed everything. I am the one to make things okay. I let go for two seconds and suddenly, Edward is being stupid and i feel like i have to run in and save everything. Yet I can’t figure out how to fix it because i’m always being told what i had to do to fix it!” You took a breath. “I want to be told how to live because so far i feel as though i’m doing it wrong. Yet i know that living isn’t so serious, it has never been so serious because in the end I control nothing in this universe- i’m tiny yet somehow i still feel that same cycle of wondering what i have to do to make everything okay as though the world will fall apart if i don’t. Just...tell me what to do. What do i do to fix this?” Demetri was quiet, staring at you.

Your confession somehow brought you both together. Somehow he knew you didn’t actually want an answer which worked because he didn’t actually know the answer. He could only really say that it wasn’t your responsibility to fix it. To hear someone else from the inside say it, it was a relief. You wondered if maybe you two could be closer friends. Now looking back, denial was a funny little thing.

‘When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met ‘

You and Demetri were watching the world go by on his balcony when things changed for you again. You had become more comfortable staying with him. It had only taken many many years. You were spending time together before going to the confrontation. A pain that you wanted a distraction from and Demetri was more than happy to give. Everyone could be dead for all any of you knew in a matter of days. “So if you liked a person, what did you do?” You nudged Demetri. “What everyone else did, talk, laugh, spending the time i had to with them but never made an effort. They’d be only temporary anyway.” Demetri smiled with a shrug. “And what if it was someone you loved?” You grinned. Demetri’s smile faded slightly, he turned his head to look at you, really look at you. You felt his intense stare it was almost smothering. Demetri didn’t feel love for many people in his existence. He watched them come and go. When he chose you, he thought it would be the same. He didn’t expect to love anyone. Some how against all odds, he had begun to fall in love with you and precious moments like these only seemed to seal the deal. There was beauty in everything you did. You were a better person than he could ever be. He had never said it though and you had never let on that you felt for him as he did you. “I’d never let them go.” He mumbled quietly. It was clear how pointed the statement was. It was directed to you. A promise. You wrapped your fingers around his wrist before leaning up to him. Demetri said nothing, instead curling his fingers under your chin with his free hand and meeting you in a kiss. Neither of you really spoke about what that night really meant for you both. Demetri kept the ball in your court, not wanting to push you. It was a precious moment he’d keep but it didn’t mean your undying love or loyalty to him.

Seeing the Cullen’s and the Denali on the other side of you was hard. Especially knowing their fate if the girl was immortal. Irina promised you it was true and now seeing the girl for yourself your heart sank. There was a lot of talking which gave you hope that just maybe they’d go free but you couldn’t hold your breath. As Carlisle explained the girl, it became apparent that just maybe she wasn’t immortal. When Aro met her, her heart was much more prominent, louder for you to hear and quick in fear. Your hope grew but so did your worry, because it meant Irina was wrong. It was then you realised the dark truth. You’d be losing someone regardless of the turn out and you did. Demetri was quick to push you behind him, blocking your view when Irina was killed. You didn’t know her well, only meeting her a few times but she was family none the less...or at least she used to be family. Just when you thought it was over, the Romanians couldn’t resist calling you out, calling you a traitor. Demetri pulled you into his side, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as he stared the other side down. You looked up at him before looking at the Romanians. “I chose Demetri long ago and I...he knows how i feel for him. I don’t have to hide it.” You looked up at him to find him looking down at you in shock. “I’ll always choose you.” You said to him quietly.

You and Demetri were about to head back into the castle when you halted. A music festival was on tonight and you could hear the new song that was being played. A smile grew on your face. Demetri noticed, and couldn't help but smile in confusion as you leaned against the wall to your right. "What?" You reached out your hand for Demetri to take. "Stay with me for a while. I like this song." You sang the next lyric quietly as he gripped your hand, you tugging him closer. "Take me back to the night we met." After a few minutes he broke away to head inside, he’d have to take up his position soon. You turned back only to be called on one last time from Demetri, softer than ever before. “I love you too.” You smiled at him before turning back to the festival. You couldn't help but think of your relationship with Demetri. He had been with you all along, being the good guy and the bad guy to help you, tough love if needed. Everything to the very beginning, when he first lifted your hand and kissed your knuckles. The night you met.

#request #twilight #volturi #the volturi #vampire!reader #demetri volturi #Twilight New Moon #Breaking Dawn part 2

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jasper-hale-protection-squad · 5 years ago

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Blame It On Me: Chapter 6

Tag list: @thought-u-said-dragon-queen@reprehensibleghost @actuallybennyweir@rosaliehaley@poptarts-and-owls@lovemesome-fandoms@caraudioclearwater@cullen-trash@whatwedoinvolterra@putadeelian@pleasantlylovingchaos@thewritingblogthatshouldnotexist@imnotqualifiedbutishowedup@jazzs-side-hoe@avengersincamphalfbloodstardis @jessicanjpa@greyhound-nine@liliavoir@isabeau373@madiicole@twilightisamood@onafirstglancefeeling@myhopesareanchoredinyou@pink-and-purple-flowers@nooneandeveryonematters@invisiblelee24@spotsmaketheworld@justdidabadthing @ghostgirlash @maw-ler@abandoned-as-mustard @twilightcouldbegood @shiny-volvo-stupid-owner @iwriteunoriginalideas

Masterlist

Chapter Warnings: Scars, water/swimming, brief insecurity, really not much. Mostly fluffy

Ship(s): Rosalie x Emmett

“I’m so booooored,” Emmett groaned, flopping face first onto the couch across from Riley. The younger vampire snickered as Emmett turned onto his back and pouted, folding his arms across his chest. “I don’t get why you couldn’t go into town, and why I have to babysit you. I mean, I guess it would be lonely without somebody here, but this is driving me insane!” Emmett got up off the couch again. The rest of the Cullen family had gone into town to start getting some things for Edward and Bella’s wedding. She wasn’t getting married until August, but Alice had insisted they look for a dress and shoes at least so that all the good ones wouldn’t end up being gone. Edward wanted to get some more CDs. and Jasper had heard of a new book he wanted to read. Carlisle and Esme went to supervise. Riley had wanted to go, just to get out of the house and the woods, but the entire family said no except for Emmett. So Emmett was put on, as Jasper jokingly comment, “babysitting duty”.

“Why don’t we do something, then?” Riley suggested it, leaning back against the couch and smirking a bit. Emmett raised an eyebrow at him and turned hands clasped behind his back. “After all, Esme and Carlisle said we couldn’t go into town. They didn’t say that we couldn’t leave the house,” he pointed out. Emmett’s face split into a grin.

“Oh dude, yes! Come on, I want to show you something!” Emmett grabbed Riley’s wrist to pull him off the couch, and then the two of them took off running into the woods. Of course, before the fun had even really started, the run had turned into a competition. Riley’s legs practically flew under him as he whipped through the forest, laughing freely as the wind rippled through his hair. Even though his heart was no longer beating and his skin was hard as stone, Riley felt alive.

Emmett ran at his side, keeping perfect place, and Riley grinned at him, waving. Emmett snorted but waved back, a grin equally as wide on his face. He led Riley down a beaten path leading downwards and deep into the woods. Riley could hear running water. The green seemed to grow even brighter and sharper around the two of them. A stream ran deep through the ground at Riley’s side, and he wanted to stop and take a look, but Emmett wasn’t finished. They ran and ran, ever growing tired, until Emmett finally came to a stop. They’d reached the edge of a small ridge, which dropped down into a small clearing. Riley was about to ask what they were doing there, when he actually looked down. His mouth fell open in shock and awe.

“It’s so beautiful,” Riley murmured, taking a step closer to the edge. The stream they’d been passing had turned out to be a large creek and poured water over a small waterfall into a large pool, which collected in a rough circular pool that ran out on the opposite end into several other pools and deep areas and frothy rapids. The edges of each pool were surrounded by wildflowers. In fact, the entire ground in the surrounding area was covered in a blanket out flowers. Riley, funnily enough, recalled a movie that he’d watched as a kid about a small deer. The scene reminded him of when the creature met his friend, a skunk.

“I do too. Rosalie and I found it a few days ago while we were out hunting,” Emmett said. He started taking his shirt off and Riley started, staring at him in confusion.

“What- What are you doing?” Riley spluttered, utterly confused and somewhat scared. Why was Emmett stripping in the forest…?

“Going swimming. Obviously. You should too!” Emmett said excitedly, shedding his pants and undershirt next. Thankfully, he had the decency to keep his boxers on and he let out a loud whoop, leaping over the edge of the waterfall and plunging down into the pool below. The water was so crystal clear that Riley was able to see Emmett sink to the bottom of the pool. The green, which Riley had assumed to be the color of the water, turned out to be a reflection of the trees above, and the moss growing on the rocks inside the pool. Emmett burst back up to the surface, shaking his hair like a wet dog and laughing. “Come on Riley! It’s great, I swear!” Riley hesitated a moment, plucking slightly at his shirt. He slowly took it off, revealing the numerous scars he had obtained from training newborns, and some of Victoria’s more intense punishments. He expected Emmett to freak out, or be disgusted, but the older vampire just looked up at Riley with an expectant grin on his face. Riley’s chest swelled with an unfamiliar, but very pleasant feeling, and his eagerness was so much that he tripped and fell trying to get out of his jeans. Emmett let out a bellowing laugh, so Riley aimed directly at his head as he jumped down into the pool.

Riley sank to the bottom. He looked around him, watching tiny fish flit in and out around the water, and tadpoles half formed and newly born swimming, their little tails wiggling frantically. The moss on the rocks swayed slightly as the water above and around them rushed and swirled in an ongoing, natural pattern. Riley looked above him, amazed as the sunlight filtered through the trees and down into the water, casting an almost yellow glow below the surface. His feet sank into the warm mud at the bottom of the pool. He stayed there for a moment, allowing his stone body to remain there. Riley liked it here. He would come back. Riley kicked off the bottom of the natural pool and swam back up to Emmett, shaking his hair just as the other had and laughing.

“It’s beautiful down there, did you look?” Riley said, unable to keep the excitement out of his tone. Emmett smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I did. It’s cool down there, an entire ecosystem thriving right under our noses,” Emmett said with a thoughtful hum. He floated on his back, looking up at the canopy of trees. His skin glinted in the sunlight. Riley glanced at him and then looked over his shoulder nervously. He knew it was stupid to be afraid of someone finding them, the forests were massive, It was just in his nature, he supposed. He started floating too, moving his arms and legs ever so slightly to stay above the water.

“Why’d you bring me here?” Riley asked after a moment of silence. Emmett let out a small sigh.

“As a thank you. For helping Rosalie yesterday,” Emmett replied, turning himself upright again in the water to look at Riley properly. Riley did it as well, for manners sake. He shied away with embarrassment, and had he been human his cheeks would have been flushed a brilliant red.

“You don’t have to thank me, Emmett. She helped me anyways, I didn’t really do anything,” Riley confessed. Emmett smiled and shook his head.

“No, you definitely helped her. It’s been a long, long time since she’s told anybody what happened to her, and she always swore to me that no one outside of the family would ever know. But you...you’ve turned our world upside down, Riley,” Emmett finished with a laugh, the way his smile reached his eyes putting Riley at ease almost as well as Jasper’s emotion manipulation. “When she came downstairs after she talked to you…” Emmett’s voice trailed off for a moment. “...it was like a completely different person had come down the stairs. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. She was smiling a lot, like a lot a lot. It was great,” the older vampire said, turning and grinning at RIley again.

“I’m…I’m glad,” Riley said softly. “She’s a good person.” Emmett chuckled.

“It’s about time somebody besides me realized that. Now come on, let’s swim!” Emmett clapped Riley on the back and dove under the water, swimming through the rough current of the creek and into the second pool. Riley followed close behind, feeling much less out of place than he did before. They swam for hours. They had races, splashed each other in the face, you know, the usual antics that young men in their late teens to twenties will get into (even if the twenty year old had been twenty for almost one hundred years). Riley hadn’t wanted to leave, but the sun was going down quickly and Emmett knew that Esme would want them back home to help unload anything they bought and spend some time with Bella before she had to go home.

“There you are! You two look like you had some fun today,” Carlisle commented as the two vampires came running up to the house, hair still soaking wet and their clothes sticking to their wet skin. “Now that you’re home, though, we could use your help. Alice went a little shop-happy…there’s a lot to bring in,” he continued. Emmett groaned in complaint, but Riley obediently went out to the driveway, where Edward’s Volvo XC60 was currently being unloaded of all of its merchandise.

“Just put it in my room love, I’ll take care of it after it’s all brought upstairs,” Alice said to Jasper, who was carrying a large box filled with assorted decorations. The couple shared a quick kiss before Jasper zipped into the house, returning a moment later to take two other boxes and repeating the process. Edward was bringing some things down to the basement. “Riley! Emmett! How was swimming?” Alice asked the two of them as they appeared.

“It was a of fun, Emmett’s a cool person to hang out with,” Riley said, taking a box out of the trunk of the car. “Where would you like this one, Alice?” he asked. Alice smiled at Riley’s previous comment, then perked up when he asked her about the box.

“Just follow Jasper up to my room, he’ll show you!” Alice said. Jasper’s head popped up at the mention of his name, and when his eyes fell on Riley, the younger vampire shivered. Jasper glanced at the singular box in Riley’s hands and quickly added a second box to his own pile. He gestured with his head for RIley to follow him, running up to Alice’s bedroom. Riley did his best to keep up, but he had to poke his head in a room or two before finally finding the one Jasper was in. Jasper watched Riley as he set his box down, and the uncomfortable tension in the air was sharp enough to cut with a knife. Jasper regarded Riley for a moment, who looked at him nervously and rubbed his hands on his pants before putting them in his pockets.

“Come on, we still have more boxes,” Jasper muttered after the drawn out, awkward silence. Riley let out a sigh of relief and followed Jasper back outside. He certainly was a strange one.

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dgcatanisiri · 5 years ago

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*writes up a half page ranting response*

*closes window*

No. I’m not going to get anywhere by doing that. But... GAH...

So, yeah, I’m gonna rant on my own instead of responding to a confession.

So, I’m not making value judgments on other people. I’m not telling them they can or can not like certain characters, certain stories, whatever. I’m not attempting to police people’s way of thinking. All I do with my various rants and ravings, which I try to tag appropriately, is express my views and opinions and at the least try to explain why it is that I am approaching things the way that I do.

So, my opinion: Dorian Pavus is a lousy, reductive character that brought nothing to the table that hadn’t been provided by no less than a dozen, and I’m underselling that point, characters in other media. To say nothing of my dislike of him on a personal level, finding him arrogant and obnoxious. And if this is the quality that BioWare approaches their gay characters, which, based on what happened with both Steve Cortez and Gil Brodie, seems like the case, I DON’T. want them to be writing more gay characters, because they SUCK at it.

My reasoning for this is based on the fact that all these characters have yet to be a character who the player seems expected to walk away from the game, if they must remember one fact about them, is the fact that they’re gay. It’s all that they’re there to be. The gay character. At most, you might be able to argue Steve, that he’s “the widower,” and not necessarily “the gay widower,” but still. What EXISTS about these characters beyond their sexuality? What do they provide, on a character, on a story level, that is not directly tied to their sexuality, to who they are banging and the fact that it happens to be another man?

Dorian? His entire personal quest revolves around his father not accepting him for being gay. Gil? Reduced to his straight best friend accessory and turkey baster. Steve? Exists to be in mourning for his husband, and possibly for Shepard to catch on the rebound. THIS is the caliber of BioWare’s writing for gay men.

I mean, take a look through my “another angry queer rant” tag. This is something I have LONG gone in on, because that’s their portrayal of gay characters. That’s the approach they take - make these characters have their character and characterization depend on them being gay. Write them in a way that makes it such a big deal that it’s the driving force of their portrayal in the game.

This is, I’ll be fair, something that I see as being born of generation gap - the writers at BioWare, the people who wrote these stories, came of age in a different era that queer people my age and younger. They grow up with the looming specter of the AIDS crisis. Being gay was something to hide, because it quickly led to a death sentence, either from the disease itself or because the straight people would decide to kill you before you had a chance to “infect” them. While the world today is still a massive work in progress on this front, it is still better than that.

So to a writer who lived through that, even while in the closet, when they do what I tend to think writers do and write to the child they were, the child in need of a role model, they are writing characters who are open and upfront about being gay. Who are making it a core part of their identity to reach back to that child and say “it’s okay.

BUT - there’s always a but - but, to MY generation, to the generations who are coming after that period, instead of coming across as trying to be revolutionary, of having gay characters who exist openly as gay... To these younger generations, it instead just comes off as reducing these characters to no more than their gayness, that ‘being gay’ is all the identity and story and existence they need. Because when you take away the time spent on highlighting their gayness, what story are you left with? What character are you left with? Does this character EXIST in the narrative as a person, or as a walking demand to be seen as a gay character?

And, y’know, to some, that demand is ignored anyway - witness the bi!Dorian mods. Witness the fact that there are mods that make Gil romanceable by Sis!Ryder - like, what are you getting out of that? I say this as someone who romances Gil, but... Really, WHAT do you get out of a mod like that? And the only answer I can come to on that question is that it is this group of straight women who are upset about ANY content they are locked out of on the basis of gender.

But that’s a separate issue for a separate rant. Just bringing it up because it points out that trying to use characters to demand that they are viewed as a gay person... It doesn’t have any effect on someone who is being homophobic. They will disregard that if they so choose. So using these characters as an anvil on the issues of gay people? Not exactly doing much. Meanwhile, as I said, to a new generation, this is reductive.

Like, I see a character like Dorian, I think about what would have happened if he’d been in the media for my teenage “struggling with my sexuality” self. And the answer I reach, the conclusion I come up to, is that, at most, he wouldn’t be a help. At worst, he’d be a dagger - THIS is the example he would have of what it is to be gay... And that’s not him. So does that mean he’s not actually gay? Well, he’s attracted to other guys, so he doesn’t think so. But then... who does he get to look up to? Who is his role model? Because it’s not Dorian.

That’s what gets to me with BioWare’s portrayal of gay men. In Dragon Age, gay men consist of Dorian, who I just went over, Wade and Herren (by way only of word of god...), who... That’s worse, in my opinion, considering the abuse they hurl at each other on the job, on top of being side characters we are meant to laugh at, and... That’s really about it. In Mass Effect, we have Steve Cortez and Gil Brodie, who, okay, in terms of personality might be better examples, but... Their portrayal in the game basically reduces them to a single element - “my dead husband” or “my best friend wants me to be her turkey baster” - and doesn’t explore them AS INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE, just as “messages” to be delivered.

That’s my representation as a gay person. Joke, reductive, or The Message™. That’s not a good track record.

So this leads me to advocate for the romances to be all bisexual. Because at least then, the characters are not defined by their sexuality. Because at least then, BioWare can’t restrict their Prince Charming style romance to women. Like, stop and consider for a moment. In the last seven BioWare games, not counting Anthem, the four Mass Effects and the three Dragon Ages, how many characters would you say really repeat a single, primary archetype? Like, if you were to reduce a character to a single trope on their TVTropes character bio, which would you pull out to describe a character to someone else so they got the core idea of who this character is? What it is like going through their character arc? Through their romance arc?

Because at least for me, “Knight in Shining Armor” could be applied to AT LEAST three characters, based on their portrayal in their respective games: Alistair, Cullen, and Cassandra. All three are straight romances. Two are from the same game. Two are the same gender.

I cannot think of a SINGLE gay - or bi - character who I would use that term with. This is a PROBLEM.

Because, again, as I’ve said repeatedly, BioWare TAPS. THE SAME. WELLS. with their same-sex options. Gay/bi men are sketchy, suspicious, someone on the outside of the dominant society of the places we are playing in. And I’m not saying that this is intentionally done on BioWare’s part, but it’s a pattern of behavior that they are perpetuating. The gay/bi options they offer are variations of the bad boy, and just about ONLY the bad boy - the exceptions are Kaidan and Jaal, who it took fan demand to get them as bi options, and then Cortez and Gil, who, as I’ve already said, don’t get enough characterization to qualify either way - sure, Gil’s probably not a bad boy in the traditional sense, particularly in comparison to Reyes, but... We come back to the issue of “what else IS there to him in the first place?”

BioWare’s portrayal of gay men is flawed at best. I don’t have FAITH in their ability to provide solid queer representation when they are giving us characters of a single set sexuality, because they fall back into these patterns that are painful, are reductive, are... just not reaching the audience that needs more to their representation.

And, as I’ve gone into elsewhere, the romances are ALWAYS playersexual, so that’s really no excuse either, because why would Alistair romance someone who sacrifices Isolde and Connor, his adoptive family? Would Morrigan REALLY come to love a goodie-two shoes who stops to pull kittens out of a tree? No, really, WHY is Liara devoting herself to a racist, xenophobic bastard? The romance options are playersexual by definition, so stop deluding yourself that it only comes into play when the romances are all bisexual.

#dg rants #another angry queer rant #bioware critical

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darlingrutherford · 5 years ago

Note

Romance asks for all your OCs because I love them all: 1, 5, 11, 16, 20, 24, 25

@liveinthehills Thanks so much for all the asks, lovely! And thank you for your patience in waiting for me to fill this while I was at the convention this weekend :)

From the Romance Asks list. CW for childhood abuse, mentions of BDSM

1. What drew your character to their LI and vice versa?

Sarya loved Cullen's warm eyes. She was definitely a bit wary of him, but she couldn't help being drawn to someone who looked on her so kindly. Cullen was drawn to Sarya from the time he first saw her, when she was brought to Haven unconscious from the Breach. Despite his background, he was unconvinced that such a kind looking person could be responsible for all the death that had happened, at least not on purpose (a bit naive, he knows). Seeing Sarya work so hard to help people immediately after waking just solidified that for him.

Frederick's not going to lie, he loves Dorian's mustache. How often do you see a man looking so well put together with facial hair like that in Ferelden? But he also loves Dorian's unique outlook on life, and how critical he can be of Frederick to keep him grounded. Dorian enjoys Frederick's tenacity. Frederick was able to see past his hesitations and just push through Dorian's barriers to get close to him, and Dorian will forever be thankful for that.

Lana was drawn to Alistair's humor, and his wanting to look after her. She won't admit it, but she craves companionship, and he was one of the first people to really show a want for that with her without being afraid of her. Alistair thought Lana was the cutest, tiniest elf he'd ever seen and was instantly thankful that Duncan had conscripted her. More than superficial, though, he was drawn to her timidness that quickly turns to fire in battle or when someone she's grown close to needs to be verbally defended.

5. How do they comfort each other when they are sad?

Cullen doesn't show it very often, so when Sarya catches him like that it's usually after a bout of his nightmares. After those she holds him, runs her fingers through his hair and hums to calm him until he falls back asleep. Sarya wears her emotions a bit closer to the surface despite how hard she tries to push them down, and Cullen learns quickly how to read her. He knows sweets are the way to her heart, so he'll surprise her with little treats, and on one particularly rough occasion (when she was in need of a new steed anyway) a hart.

Frederick gives Dorian all the affection when he's down. He has a lot of love to give, and he's happy to bring a smile back to Dorian's face with cuddles and kisses. Dorian shows his love with little gifts, and he often presents them when Frederick needs a pick-me-up. Sometimes it's a book he knows Frederick will like, and once he brought a cloth of berries and offered to let Frederick feed them to him (an instant favorite for Frederick).

Alistair's more apt to slip into bouts of sadness when they're travelling and there's not much for his mind to focus on, so in those instances Lana comforts him by holding his hand, giving little squeezes, occasionally running her nail down his palm to tickle it and make him laugh as he pulls it back to scratch it with a wide smile. Lana has regular nightmares that wake her, and she often wakes to Alistair pulling her tight against him. He'll essentially smother her with love until she feels better, or else try to make her laugh.

11. Do they have any inside jokes?

Cullen and Sarya have been known to mock the Orlesians at the Winter Palace behind closed doors whenever their time at Celene’s ball comes up. Sarya made a snide comment in an Orlesian accent at the War Table once and earned a scolding from Josephine, so they make sure they're alone now when they do it (although, Leliana seemed to find some amusement in it as well).

Frederick was convinced, because his Uncle had told him so, that mages in Tevinter actually drink the blood of demons while conducting blood magic. Dorian’s never let him live it down and brings it up rather regularly. “You want me to use magic to take out that demon over there? Wait one moment, Amatus. It’s quite large, I had better get out my drinking vial.”

It’s not so much an inside joke, but Alistair regularly teases Lana about her aversion to bugs. To outsiders looking in, they probably wouldn’t notice at first the issue of alistair lightly running a feather against the back of her neck while they’re sitting in a tavern until the shrieking starts.

16. Jealous at all?

Sarya isn’t very jealous, but then again Cullen gives her no reason to be. She definitely wouldn’t feel very secure in their relationship if he was regularly flirting with another woman, but she also has no feelings of jealousy if he’s talking to other women. Cullen is probably more jealous than she is, although he’d never admit it.

Frederick is flirtatious, although he dials it back a bit once he and Dorian become a couple. Dorian notices the effort so he doesn’t think too much on it when Frederick is being friendly with other men. Frederick can be a little jealous at times, and he won’t hesitate to tell Dorian as much. Dorian finds the jealousy a bit endearing, though, and has lightly poked at it from time to time.

Lana is fairly insecure, so it’s easy for her to fall into a hole of jealousy. She’s not vocal about it, however, so jealousy from her looks like caving inward, becoming quiet, sometimes leaving a situation alone and not expecting Alistair to follow her. Alistair has been known to get a bit jealous as well, although more from men giving a lot of attention to Lana since she’s so timid that she never reciprocates that attention. There have definitely been a few times he’s had to step in between with a big mention of, “Yes, well, my GIRLFRIEND and I need to leave, unfortunately. So. Goodbye!”

20. Did either person change at all, to be with their partner?

As a blanket response, none of them changed in order to be with their partner, however they all have changed as a result of the relationship itself. Sarya and Cullen both learned to not hide their emotions from each other and to learn to lean on someone else. Frederick becomes more level headed because of Dorian, thinking things through and seeing things as a larger world picture rather than just Ferelden, whereas Dorian gains feelings of belonging and learns to put his total trust in Frederick. It takes a very long time, but Lana learns to accept the love that Alistair gives her and to not push people away. Alistair gains a sense of worth, that he can choose his own path in life rather than letting others choose it for him. He also becomes more assertive for her, because she’s not great at sticking up for herself.

24. Is their any moment that happens between them that you know happens and just makes you melt?

Late nights with Sarya and Cullen, when most of Skyhold has gone to sleep and they won’t be disturbed. They pull pillows and blankets down by the fire, go over reports with one another, and ultimately end up falling asleep in each other's arms.

After meeting with Dorian’s father in Redcliffe, Frederick makes a really big point to show Dorian how wanted and loved he is, as he is. Frederick changes things around in his own chambers to make it inviting to Dorian, such as replacing many of his own books in his bookcase with ones Dorian would enjoy, and tells Dorian he never has to sleep anywhere else if he doesn’t want to. Dorian’s his family as much as his blood, and he makes sure that Dorian knows that.

Alistair tying a bandage on Lana's hand for her, before they're together, that results in him holding her hand for longer than needed. I'm a sucker for romantic tropes, and there are a lot of them in their story.

25. Share any headcanons about their relationship.

Cullen has no idea, but Sarya writes to Cullen’s sister, Mia, monthly. Mia became tired of waiting to hear anything from Cullen, so she now also writes directly to Sarya.

Although he can’t always stay for long periods of time, Frederick goes to Tevinter quite regularly after the events of DAI. He can’t manage to stay away from Dorian for too long, and prefers to be there for him with everything that Dorian has to come home to.

I’ve learned recently that a lot of people headcanon Alistair as more of a sub partner, but because of the dynamic of his relationship with Lana and her life he becomes (in a sense, without Alistair having any real knowledge of it) a bit of a dom for her, in order to help her heal from a lot of her trauma. Zevran picks up on this dynamic of theirs after a while and, with a large smirk, makes Alistair turn red as a radish with suggestions of good knots to use and such. “You see how red her wrists are? That rope will not do, my friend. Have you tried this? It is made in Antiva, so, a little more expensive, but worth it, is it not?”

#liveinthehills #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age origins #surana #lavellan #trevelyan #lana surana #sarya lavellan #frederick trevelyan #my ocs #oc asks

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volturialice · 6 years ago

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Do you think jasper and Alice are intimate and do you think jasper was also intimate with Maria ? Like How much did Alice see ?

ok I have a lot of Thots™ so I basically wrote a 2 page paper in reply to this. in order to answer it I’m gonna have to get into a lot of jasper/maria background stuff so here’s your warning for abuse mentions under the cut. if you wanna skip to the part where I actually answer the questions, it’s about halfway down

i. on jasper and maria

ok, first I think it’s important to note the differences between book canon and movie canon. nowhere in book canon does it state that jasper and maria were ever together in a romantic or physical sense—nowhere. so if that’s your interpretation of canon, it’s totally valid! whomst really knows (or cares, at this point) what smeyer intended?

it makes total sense to me that the movies decided to make their relationship explicitly romantic. for one, it’s an easier and more engaging visual shorthand than jasper just verbally explaining “yeah I was really devoted to her cause and brainwashed and stuff.” for another, it lets us draw the obvious parallels between jasper/maria and riley/victoria, which we really don’t talk about enough and which was another smart visual storytelling move (that scene with maria and victoria whispering to monster!jasper? poetic fucking cinema)

but also, I’m of two minds about the whole thing. on the one hand, the “evil man-eater lady seduces innocent dude and makes him do her evil dirty work by manipulating him through sex” trope is rather icky and tired. I dislike the implication that sex is a woman’s only weapon/the only way she could possibly get this guy to follow her and do her bidding. I dislike the implication that men are all feebleminded, sex crazed monsters and therefore this guy couldn’t possibly have resisted her wicked wiles and it’s not his fault he turned to the dark side. ew.

but on the other hand…I kinda love jasper/maria. and for the record, when I say I ship that, I absolutely do not mean “I think this relationship is healthy and abuse is romantic and I want them to live happily ever after.” nope. no. what I mean is “I find this dynamic fascinatingly horrific and I want to read and write about it a lot.” you may think it’s gross and toxic, and that’s totally valid (see above paragraph.) but as for me, I like pondering about it. I mean, what made him stay with her for eighty years? why did she keep him around? what brought about their alleged “reconciliation” in the present, and how did that all go down? all totally fascinating questions.

and now I think I can tackle the actual questions.

ii. actually answering questions

#1 - Do you think jasper and Alice are intimate? yes. I mean, ymmv but they are married, plus there was that time edward asked jasper about what sex was like lmaooo

#2 - do you think jasper was also intimate with Maria? also yes, but “no” would be an equally valid reading of canon.

#3 - Like How much did Alice see?

this one’s the million dollar question, and one I can only answer via headcanon. I assume you mean “how much did alice see during the ~30 years she was a vampire when she hadn’t yet met jasper but still had visions of him?” so I’m gonna answer that.

it’s an interesting question because canon tells us nothing whatsoever about that time. but I like to think she could see what jasper and the cullens were up to on occasion, though not with the frequency and ease she sees them after they’ve actually met.

as for jasper and maria…I don’t think the romantic/physical part of their relationship lasted all that long. I mean, they were together for eighty years. That’s a really, really long time to fake something. I hc that they were romantically together for a comparatively short chunk of that—maybe just the first decade or two. I’m sure that as jasper learned to use his gift better, he was able to tell that her heart wasn’t really in it, and I think at that point they were both bored of each other anyway and kind of mutually let that part of their relationship fizzle. but they were still absolutely a team, and he was still her right hand man and felt deep and abiding loyalty to her and her cause, until around the time peter showed up (in the 40s, I think.)

so how much did alice see? I think it’s kinda boring to be like “she saw everything!” because that doesn’t leave them very much to work through as a new couple. I think it’s a much more interesting story if jasper has to tell her about all the horrible stuff he did and they both have to come to terms with it. it’s one of the things I find super compelling about them as a ship, actually.

buuuut I think alice saw enough to get the gist. I think when jasper confessed to her that “yeah, I was with maria” she kind of already knew that, but I also think it was important to her to hear it from him and get his side of the story. we stan some good communicators, folks.

#asks #anonymous #meta #abuse mentions //#jasper hale #maria #alice cullen #jalice #jasper/maria

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blustersquall · 6 years ago

Text

Only Make Believe // Chapter 28: Aboard the Peraquialus

New chapter for those reading. As always, the chapter is also on AO3 for those who prefer reading on there.

No warnings for this one.

December 29th

The drive from Kinloch to Gwaren took only a few hours with clear traffic and it was late afternoon when Cullen drove the car into port. The harbour in Gwaren was the biggest in Ferelden and was used almost exclusively for commercial travel. Huge luxury liners and ferries came and went at all hours of the day, gathering passengers and dropping them off after weeks on the ocean, sailing warming climates in opulent surroundings with every comfort that money could provide.

It took some time for Cullen to find the dock where their ferry was berthed. There were ships upon ships and not a single one was designed to do anything but impress. Each liner was a behemoth of design and engineering - even the smallest of them was probably the size of a small city.

When Cullen found the correct dock, he stopped the car suddenly and stared up for a few seconds, his mouth hanging open a little.

"This cannot be the right one," he stated, quickly reaching for his phone from the cup holders. "This is..."

"It's the right number," Nevena pointed out, watching him frantically scrolling through what she could only assume was the last-minute booking email for their ferry. "And the right name. You said it was called 'Peraquialus', right?"

"Yeah. But... I was expecting..." Cullen glanced up over the top of his phone, "you know, a ferry. Not... a garish… whatever that is."

Nevena giggled, "You sound like such a snob."

"How so?" he threw her a distinctly unimpressed look.

"Garish?" she teased. "Cullen, it's meant to be the definition of luxury. I doubt they'd appreciate your scathing review before you even looked around."

Cullen shrugged and Nevena saw the tips of his ears grow a little pinker, "I think my idea of luxury and the idea of whoever designed this differ greatly." He returned his phone to the cup holders and gripped the steering wheel. "It's the right dock number, the right time, and the right name," he sighed. "Maybe there's a smaller one tucked behind it?"

"Don't sound so disappointed," smiled Nevena, reaching across to touch his arm, "you'll only have to endure it for one night."

He drove towards a pair of men in high-visibility jackets who checked the booking information on Cullen's phone. After everything was confirmed, they directed them to where they could board the ship with the car and explained what to do once they were parked up.

There were only a handful of cars and three tourist coaches along with Cullen's car inside the onboard car park in the hull of the ship. Even though she doubted many people saw the car park, it was kept neat and clean, if cold. After Cullen grabbed their bags from the trunk and locked up they followed signs for the lift and ascended to the deck level. Once there, they were greeted by a man dressed in a black blazer and white trousers, the uniform of the ship crew. Once more the booking was checked on Cullen's phone for confirmation, and another crew member was summoned to lead them to their cabin on the deck below.

Walking through the halls lined with doors, Nevena noticed they were not alone by any means, and that most passengers were in their later years. Some seemed to be travelling alone, whereas others were in groups or couples. There was music playing over well-hidden speakers, soft, inoffensive jazz to give a relaxed ambience to the brightly lit hallway.

Their guide talked animatedly as he led the way, describing the ship, how long it had been actively taking passengers and what amenities were available - several swimming pools, two onboard gyms, six restaurants, various clubs and games to keep guests occupied. He explained that the ship started its journey in Ferelden and then stopped in Kirkwall to take on many of its passengers before continuing its four-week journey around Antiva, Rivain and Tevinter before the return trip.

When Cullen mentioned he and Nevena were only staying one night, set to disembark in Kirkwall, their guide lost his enthusiasm and carried on the rest of the trip to their cabin in relative silence. Clearly, he was only paid to make a good impression on long staying guests.

Their room was decorated simply, white throughout with red and blue accents. They had a window which looked out over the sea, a double bed with one side tucked up against the wall, and a door leading to an en-suite bathroom they shared with the empty cabin next-door. The crew member showed them how the lights worked, and where there was a call button they could use at any time to contact a member of the crew if they wanted room service. He waited awkwardly in the threshold of the door until Cullen thanked him curtly and ushered him out.

"I think he was waiting for a tip," Nevena remarked, unzipping her bag.

"Well, he wasn't that friendly," replied Cullen, placing his own bags on one side of the room. "Which of the many restaurants do you want to eat at?" he asked. She could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

"Don't be a grouch." Nevena went to him and curled her fingers into his jumper, leaning up on tiptoes to peck his lips, "You can endure all this grandeur for a night."

"I am not grouching," Cullen huffed but wrapped his arms around her waist none-the-less. "We could order room service."

"Or we could make the most of our time on a cruise ship and have some fun," said Nevena, tapping the end of his nose. "Whatever we do, I need to make a video call to Roselyn first. I've been promising her I would for days and we haven't really stopped long enough for me to do so." She extracted herself from Cullen's arms and returned to her bag. "She said she has some news."

"Do you want me to go?" he asked, pointing at the door. "In case it's private?"

"It's up to you." Nevena sat on the bed after pulling her laptop out of her bag. She started to untangle the power cable. "She won't mind if you're here. She's probably curious to know what you look like, actually."

"Really?"

"Well, she's never met you."

"That's true." Cullen tutted. As Nevena powered on her laptop and waited for it to load, she watched Cullen busy himself with unpacking a few items of clothing for the following day. She found herself smiling while he went about his task.

A pleasant warmth settled inside her, like the one she felt in the small memorial chapel earlier that day when he kissed her. It was a sensation that was unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. One she could not recall ever experiencing with Rick or even boyfriends before him - not that there were many in the past anyway. She experienced it whenever she looked at Cullen, let alone heard his voice or felt his touch. A pleasurable flutter in her chest that she'd felt since meeting him, that had only grown over their time together.

At first, it was something she tried to ignore - telling herself it was foolish to be so giddy over an arrangement and a fake relationship. Now... now, though, it didn't feel so foolish. After all, the things they felt, the things they did... they were real, weren't they?

Of course, that begged the question: what, exactly, were they?

The contract was still in place, but it hardly seemed necessary now. They were no longer in the presence of her family, the arrangement that put them together was done, albeit earlier than anticipated, yet neither of them had mentioned or broached the subject of ending their agreement prematurely. Perhaps they were both afraid of the same thing, that the contract was the only thing binding them together. That, perhaps, if they brought it to a premature end they would realise there was nothing really between them. That it was all a daydream. A wonderful rose-tinted fantasy, but a fantasy none-the-less. They would realise that without those words and pieces of paper locking them together, there was nothing but air between them.

Was that true, though?

Nevena nibbled her bottom lip as the screen of her laptop sprang to life. She didn't want to think it was. After everything they'd been through together, after everything they had learned and disclosed and shared - to think it was all a fantasy caused a sharp pain to shoot from the middle of her chest down to her extremities. She didn't want to doubt. She hated the feeling of it looming at the back of her mind telling her she was fooling herself; that Cullen was biding his time and simply waiting for the contract to end and then he would tell her what he really thought of her and her past actions. She hated the part of her brain that filled her with unease and fear, the part of her brain that mocked her for allowing herself to be so vulnerable with him, and that it would be for nothing, or be thrown back in her face.

It was never simple. She couldn't just enjoy this, and let it play out naturally. Allow things to progress and see what happened one day at a time. She had to second guess herself. Worse, she was second guessing Cullen, too. Cullen, who had allowed himself to be as open and honest with her as she was with him. Cullen, who was a gentleman. Who was kind, and warm towards her. Who hugged her when she cried and kissed her without hesitating. Who made feelings she had never felt before starting to awaken. Cullen, who made her feel safe and secure, protected, wanted, heard, desired.

Loved.

That thought jarred Nevena from her spiralling fears and she snapped her eyes to her laptop screen. Loved? She let out a long breath and pushed her fingers back through her hair, tilting her head to look at the ceiling, the light fixture - anywhere until the sudden lurch in her stomach settled and the tightness in her chest relaxed. Where had that come from? And why was she thinking it? It wasn't possible for people to fall in love over the space of a few weeks, was it? Real life wasn't a fairytale. It wasn't as simple and easy as that. Love, relationships, they took weeks, they took work, they took effort. There was no reason for her to think or suspect he loved her. There was no reason for her to think she was in love with him...

Except she was, wasn't she? No matter how she might try or want to deny it or rationalise it - perhaps that was what it really was. The reason for all her doubts and fears and the gnawing sensations that clung to her stomach, maybe it was because she was in love with him. Maybe it was simply her attempts to deny it, to run away and block it out. After all, love was frightening. She wasn't sure how love really worked, or even if she'd be good at it. Could a person be good at love?

Lifting her hands, she dragged them down her face and groaned into her palms releasing her frustrations in little bursts. When she peered over her fingertips, she saw Cullen looking at her from across the room.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

Nevena quickly put a smile on her face, swallowing hard on the thud of her heart at the back of her throat. "Mhm-hm," she managed to nod, "My laptop takes a while to load. Just reminds me I should look at the sales once I'm back in Denerim, look for a new one."

"Ah," Cullen nodded, "I can't help you there, I'm afraid. Laptops are not my forte, but I can certainly come with you when we're back in Denerim."

A flutter in Nevena's chest almost made her lose her breath. "That... that would be nice. Maybe your presence can stop me from being targeted by salespeople. I seem to attract them like a magnet."

Cullen chuckled as he pulled a dress shirt out of his bag and hung it up. "I'm going to have a shower briefly," he said, approaching Nevena and leaning his hands down on the bed beside her. The mattress dipped under his weight. "We've had quite a full day, after all."

"We have."

"Then, I thought, I would go and investigate these restaurants and we'll meet up once you're done talking to Roselyn? I don't know about you, but I'm worn out."

"I am pretty tired," Nevena smiled. "Dinner and an early night seem like a sound plan to me, that way we'll be fresh for our arrival in Kirkwall tomorrow morning."

"Good," Cullen kissed her. One of those toe-curling, spine-tingling, wonderful kisses that made her head swim and made her want to put her laptop to the side and pull him into bed. Her heart was thudding in her ears when he pulled away, brushing her nose with his in an act of pure, unabashed affection. The look he gave her as he pushed off the bed was like the feeling of sitting in front of a fire on a cold day or listening to heavy rain on the window while safe and warm inside. Cullen gave her a sense of home and that… that was an overwhelming realisation. "I won't be long."

Once he was in the bathroom and Nevena could hear the shower running, she sent a quick text to Roselyn while connecting to the ship's wifi to ask if she was around. Almost immediately, Roselyn shot back a reply that she was waiting for her to get online and to hurry up. Nevena put her phone to one side, waited for everything to load up and logged into Skype. Within seconds, she had an incoming video call and answered.

"Finally!" Roselyn gasped over the speakers, swooning back in her chair over-dramatically. "I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see your face again!"

"I'm sorry," Nevena smiled sheepishly. "It's been kind of... crazy."

"With your family, I'm not surprised," snorted Roselyn.

"Hi Nevena!" A male voice called from off-screen. There was the sound of two dogs barking as well.

"Hey Alistair," Nevena called back. Roselyn turned her head, clearly watching her husband off-screen. "How are you? Did you two have a good Christmas? What's the news you wanted to tell me?"

"So curious all of a sudden!" Roselyn replied, her smile broad. "So many questions! I have questions for you, too. Like, where's this rent-a-date guy? What was the craziness at Ineria's you mentioned? And why did you leave?"

"You answer mine first," Nevena shot back, grinning. "What's this news you mentioned?"

Roselyn's eyes widened, her face lighting up. Alistair came into the frame, sandy brown hair a little mussed, red-faced, and smiling down at Roselyn as he placed his hands gently on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm pregnant!" announced Roselyn, throwing her hands up excitedly.

Nevena clapped a hand over her mouth, gasping and then descending into exuberant laughter. "You're pregnant?!"

"I'm pregnant!" Roselyn repeated, her smiling growing. "Finally!"

Nevena screamed, almost rocking back onto the bed and dropping her laptop. "You're pregnant! I can't believe it! Congratulations!"

"Thank you!" Roselyn laughed. "I wanted to wait and tell you when you were back, but I've never been the most patient person. I had to tell you!"

"Do you--"

"I heard screaming," Cullen poked his head out of the bathroom door, hair wet and dripping. "Are you okay? Wait -- why are you grinning?"

"Roselyn is pregnant!"

Cullen blinked, "Oh, uh – congratulations, person I don’t know… beyond a couple of phone calls…” He grimaced.

"Thank you!" called Roselyn. Cullen quickly ducked back into the bathroom, reappearing a few moments later wrapped in a towel. "Is that the guy? The Cullen Rutherford guy? Can I see him?"

"I can hear you," Cullen said, glancing over at Nevena.

"In a second," Nevena said dismissively, fighting to keep her eyes on the screen but finding her gaze drawn to where Cullen was pacing around with nothing but a towel and water still clinging in places to his body. Now she had seen his scars, he must have been feeling a little more comfortable around her, not quite so self-conscious.

She hadn't seen him naked, or nearly naked before - doing so made blinding heat travel through her belly to her face and between her legs. The scars did nothing to detract from his appearance. His broad chest and shoulders, the tight muscles in his back, toned arms and legs, a layer of softness around his trunk. The hair on his chest was darker than that on his head, and the trail leading from his navel underneath the towel was darker still. Her comment about Michelangelo's 'David' when they first met had been spot on.

Cullen began to get dress, either unaware of her eating him up with her eyes, or ignoring it completely. He pulled on his boxer briefs under his towel and Nevena bit her bottom lip. She cleared her throat, forcing herself to turn her eyes back to the screen and Roselyn.

"S-so, uhm -- how far along are you?" she asked Roselyn, hoping the camera wouldn't pick up the flare of colour she could feel on her cheeks.

"About sixteen weeks," Roselyn replied, leaning her cheek in her palm, her lips drawn into a smug smile that made Nevena realise Roselyn had noticed her ogling, even if Cullen had not.

"Sixteen we..." Nevena's attention snapped right back to Roselyn. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I wanted to," Roselyn said, her voice becoming apologetic, "but we didn't want to tempt fate. We wanted to get past the risky stage before we started telling people. Given how hard it's been for us to conceive."

"No, I understand. Makes sense." Nevena glanced over at Cullen, watching him pull a dark red wine colour shirt on and begin to button it up. The fabric formed over the muscles in his arms and his chest in a way she hadn't seen his other clothes do before. He looked smart. And sexy. And she was glad she had her laptop on her lap, and Roselyn to talk to because if not she might have marched over there and ripped the shirt off him - buttons and all. "I'm really happy for you," Nevena said, looking back at Roselyn. "You've been trying for so long. If anyone deserves it, you guys do."

"Thanks," smiled Roselyn.

"Now, Nevena," Alistair bent a little to fit more into the frame, "Perhaps you could tell my wife to stop fussing about the nursery and relax like the doctor ordered. I've tried, and she won't listen to me." He looked almost cross when he looked at Roselyn. She poked her tongue out in reply.

"You heard him," Nevena laughed, "you have to look after yourself a bit better now. Is it a boy or a girl? Do you know yet?" Roselyn's smile grew again. Nevena was sure she had never seen her smile this much before in her life. Except perhaps on her wedding day. "What? Don't tell me you're having twins or triplets or something?" Silence, and more broadening of Roselyn's smile. "Stop smiling so much! You're creeping me out!"

Roselyn gave a bark of laughter, covering her face with one hand and sticking up two fingers on the other. "Twins."

"Twins?!"

"Twins."

"Only you would take four years to get pregnant, and become pregnant with twins," giggled Nevena. "You guys must be so excited!"

"We are." Alistair kissed Roselyn's head as he stood and walked out of frame.

"Excited and kind of terrified," added Roselyn. "But so far so good. The midwife says everything is normal. The babies are the right size. I've just got to take it slow."

"Which must be torture for you," said Nevena.

"Nev?" Cullen called for her softly and she lifted her head. He was fully dressed, hair smoothed and combed back. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, he wore black trousers and carried a black blazer hanging over his right arm. He was possibly more attractive all smartly dressed than walking around in a towel. "I'm going to head out and look at the restaurants. Text or call me when you're done, and I'll tell you where I am, okay?"

"Okay."

“Waitwait! I at least want to get a look at you!” Roselyn called from the laptop screen.

Cullen gave Nevena an uncertain look.

“Do you mind?” she asked him.

He sighed, “no, go ahead.”

Nevena turned the laptop so the camera would pick up the image of Cullen across the room. “Hi!” Roselyn said.

“It’s nice to meet you finally. Sort of.” Cullen offered a sincere if awkward smile. “Once we’re back in Denerim it would be nice to meet in person.”

“Yes, absolutely.” Replied Roselyn. “How tall are you?”

“About six-one. Why?”

“Just my curiosity, which is now satiated. Turn me back around.”

“Nice meeting you,” Cullen called.

“You too.”

Nevena smiled, small and grateful watching Cullen as adjusted his jacket on his arm, took a breath and allowed his shoulders to visibly relax. He approached Nevena on the bed and kissed her soundly, cradling the back of her neck, before she could speak. She returned it, just barely managing to retain her senses and remember Roselyn could probably see and hear everything. She bit her bottom lip as Cullen pulled away, smiling that tingle-inducing smile of his. He kissed her forehead for good measure. “See you in a bit. Have fun catching up with Roselyn.”

There was silence from Roselyn until the door to the cabin clicked shut and Cullen was gone.

"I heard lip smacking!" Roselyn crowed. Nevena wasn't sure if she was accusing her of something, or simply pointing something out. "I heard lip smacking and definitely saw kissing. He’s gorgeous, by-the-way! But that’s beside the point, it’s your turn, what is going on? Tell me everything."

Nevena sighed, wondering where to begin. "Alright."

She explained, in detail and at length, everything that had transpired since she left Denerim to go to Haven with Cullen. Roselyn listened intently, nodding and asking clarifying questions every so often, but silent for the most part. As she recounted the experiences of the past few weeks, Nevena realised just how much had happened, and how much she had learned and changed in such a short space of time.

She wasn't sure if it was everything she had discovered that had forced the change, or simply having Cullen there as a method of support - but she felt a little stronger in herself. More resilient. She knew if she'd been there alone she would never have stood up to Ineria. She would never have confronted her father about the truth or answered back to Katrin and Clotilde the times she had. She was sure she would have either turned tail and run on Christmas Day if things transpired the same way, or she would have shut up and taken her sister's abuse.

Cullen made her stronger. His presence, or maybe it was just his quiet confidence that she was feeding off. Something of his that he was allowing her to borrow when she was in desperate need of it and failing on her own. She was grateful to him for being with her through all the strife of the last few weeks. He had been a stranger at the start of it all, now she could not consider her life without him in it.

"...and now we're on a ship, heading for Kirkwall to spend New Year with Varric Tethras. We're going to go to Ostwick too, I might find out something about my mother there."

Roselyn's expression was a small, but severe frown and she was staring down at the keyboard in front of her in thought. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"It sounds like you've had quite an eventful time."

"Something like that."

"I'm a little annoyed you didn't tell me what was happening. I could have come and got you. Or helped in some way." She looked at Nevena though the camera. “But, I get it. With all that going on, I doubt calling me would have even crossed your mind.”

"I know," Nevena picked her fingernails. "I just... I didn't know what to say or do, and I didn't want to bother you with it.”

“You wouldn’t have been bothering me,” Roselyn told her with a sisterly gentleness. “I know that’s not how your brain would have seen it, though. I’m sorry you had to experience all that. Especially without a full support system around.”

“It… I had Cullen there, he helped me stay calm and rationalise things."

"Hmmm..." sighed Roselyn. "Well, at least you're not alone. And it sounds like he's not a terrible human being."

"He's not," Nevena felt her heart quicken in her chest, "Rose, he's not. He's... you would really like him. I know you would. He's kind and gentle, and protective. He listens and asks questions. He cares, Rose. He really cares. About me." Hot tears welled up in her eyes and she gulped them back. "I... I've never met anyone like him. I've never felt like this about anyone--"

"You do have it bad." Roselyn leaned her chin on her fist, elbow on the table, and a wry, playful smile on her lips.

"It's..." Nevena searched the cabin with her eyes as if looking for inspiration, "do you remember that night in college when you came back from your first date with Alistair?”

“Hmm…”

“You’d been saying goodnight to him for ten minutes. When you finally came in, you closed the door, you leaned on it, sighed, and said you were going to marry him."

Roselyn smiled at the memory. "I--"

"Did she really say that?!" Alistair's voice came from off screen. "Did you really say that, Rosie?"

"I... yes. Yes, I did.” Roselyn replied, looking across the room to where Alistair was sitting off-screen.

“Aw!” Alistair crowed, “I never knew that! That’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard! Thank you Nevena!”

Roselyn laughed, her attention returning to the screen. “I do remember saying that, yes.”

"Being with Cullen... it feels how I imagine that felt to you," Nevena explained, "and I like it. It’s wonderful and freeing, and exhilarating and… the happiest I’ve ever felt. I like him."

"Sounds like you more than just like him," said Roselyn with a playful smile. Nevena blushed and lowered her eyes. "Have you told him how you feel?"

"No." Tucking her hair behind her ear, Nevena shifted for comfort and jiggled her laptop. "It probably sounds stupid, but I'm afraid."

Roselyn pursed her lips. "Given your experience with Rick, I don't think it's stupid of you to be cautious. What is it you're afraid of, exactly?"

"That it's all... kind of... make believe." Nevena tutted to herself. Even she thought she sounded moronic as she searched for how to explain herself. "We met because I was trying to lie to my family. We've been put into this position because of a contract. We've been thrust together because of the contract. What if it's because of the contract and circumstance I feel like this about him? What if it's because of the contract he is the way he is with me?"

"Nev," Roselyn sighed and pushed her fingers through her hair, "listen to yourself. You're over thinking. Letting your doubts get the better of you."

"But--"

"This is the first time I have ever seen you like this. It might be the light, but I'm sure you look different. Happier, glowing somehow. I don't know. Think about it logically, the contract he gave you and wrote up, it stipulates you guys being together while you're with your family, right? And where are you now?"

"On a ship, bound for Kirkwall," Nevena replied in a small voice.

"Exactly," Roselyn said. "The contract became null and void when you decided to leave Haven and take an extended road and boat trip to the Free Marches. The contract is no longer holding you together. It's done. There's no magic spell that's going to break at the stroke of midnight like in Cinderella. What is keeping him near you, is you... Do you really think he wouldn't have gone to all this trouble, all these lengths if you were just a client to him? If he didn't feel something for you?"

"I..." Nevena opened and closed her mouth. "No... no, I guess not."

"I know it’s hard for you to stop doubting yourself, to stop the fear you feel, and I get that you’re scared of letting yourself feel what you feel for him, but I don’t think you have to worry about whether it’s manufactured or not. It's genuine and honest. And he clearly reciprocates," Roselyn's expression softened, "and how could he not? I mean, aside from the fact you're completely amazing, you're one of the kindest and most patient people I know. There's clearly something about you that has him drawn to you, otherwise, I don't think he'd still be there. Accompanying you on this pilgrimage? Introducing you to your favourite author? Inviting you as a plus one to a New Year’s Eve party? Sounds like he has some serious feelings towards you, too."

"What if you're wrong, though?"

"I'm never wrong."

"Rose..."

"In this case, I really don't think I am," Roselyn smiled. "But don't listen to me. Listen to yourself. What do you think he feels?"

Nevena stared at the door to the cabin as if expecting Cullen to walk in and proclaim out of the blue that he was head over heels in love with her. She wanted to laugh. As if that would happen.

Roselyn was right, though. She was over-thinking, over-analysing, the way she always did. She could never just let things happen and be happy with them. She could never allow things to progress naturally and go at their own pace. She always second-guessed herself, worried that she was wrong. Or reading the signs incorrectly. Years of mental torture at the hands of Rick had her well trained, and it was a hard habit to break.

She was certain of only a few things, mainly that she had feelings for Cullen that ran deeper than friendship and mere lust. There was something intense and overwhelming about it. Something that had her dangling over a precipice and all she needed to do was take a leap of faith to find if she would fall or fly. She was certain too - though less so - that Cullen had some feelings for her. Perhaps they didn't run as deep as those she had, but she wanted to believe her own emotions were matched and returned. After all, in the small memorial chapel, hadn't he said he'd 'never felt anything like this'?

Like what? What was the 'this' he was referring to? And why did he have to be so vague about it? Couldn't he have been more specific? Why did everything have to be so confusing and annoying?

With a small groan, Nevena ruffled her hands through her hair. "I don't know what he feels."

Roselyn tutted, "Have the two of you even talked about what you're going to do when you get back to Denerim? You're living in each other's pockets now, but what about when you get back?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think he's realised the contract he wrote is null and void because you're no longer in the location of it?"

"I don't know."

"Do you--"

"I don't know, Rose," Nevena snapped, suddenly. "I don't know anything. That's the worst part. I don't want to talk to him about it, in case it suddenly becomes too real and he realises this isn't what he wants! That I'm not what he wants."

"Nev..."

"I mean, who would want me, anyway? I'm so broken and mangled by past experiences, why would he want me when he could have someone else who is normal and isn't broken or just about keeping it together? Why would anyone want to waste their time with me, when they could have fun with someone who isn't neurotic, who isn't an idiot, and who doesn't have a pile of emotional baggage they have to carry around with them?" Nevena was panting when she stopped talking. Breathing hard, flushed, and overheated. Roselyn was staring at her on the screen.

"Do you feel a little better now?" she asked, her voice sympathetic.

"Yes," Nevena said. She was glad Roselyn understood her, that she didn't mock her for her way her mind worked. The near constant sense of self-deprecation she carried around with her. Roselyn took it all in her stride and did what she could to help Nevena understand herself.

"Good," Roselyn pushed her hair back, "now you listen to me, Nev. Who wants you? Cullen-fucking-Rutherford wants you, that's who. And you want him, more to the point. You have issues, but who doesn’t? And Nev, you're getting there. It's a slow process, but think of where you are now in comparison to three years ago! You need to stop beating yourself up and denying yourself the things you yearn for because you're afraid. Or because you don't think you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, and if Cullen Rutherford makes you happy then fuck the contract that's null and void anyway, pin him down on the bed and ride him until he can't bloody walk!"

Nevena heard Alistair choke on something off camera and begin to clear his throat.

"You're not an idiot. You're not broken. You're amazing. He'd be lucky to have you," Roselyn continued, glancing over at where Alistair must have been sitting. "If you tell him the contract is done because the terms were breached, and he calls it quits, then he wasn't worthy of you. But I don't think he'll do that. From everything you've told me he seems genuine, and determined and good for you. Maybe him taking you to meet Varric Tethras - clearly an old friend - is his version of taking you to meet his parents?"

"Maybe," Nevena chuckled, managing to smile a little.

"Everyone has emotional baggage. You've helped him with his by the sounds of it. He's been helping with yours... You deserve to give him and yourself a chance." With a sigh, Roselyn dropped her shoulders, relaxing her position. "Wait until you get to Kirkwall, settle in, talk to each other, see what you both want from this. Make sure you're on the same page."

Exhaling quickly, Nevena nodded, wiped her eyes and slapped her palms on her thighs. "Okay." She sniffed. "What do I do in the meantime?"

"Tease him until he's within an inch of his life."

Nevena rolled her eyes, "Rose."

"I'm serious," Roselyn waved her off. "I threw in that backless ivory dress we bought last year when you were packing. Wear that.”

“That is more underwear than a dress.”

“Just humour me and try it on.” Roselyn grinned, “What have you got to lose?” "

With another eye roll and a vaguely disapproving look in Roselyn's direction, Nevena did as she asked and climbed off the bed to her suitcase. She began to dig through the clothes inside. Her heart was racing and her blood was thundering around her body as though she'd been running circuits around the ship. For the first time in what felt like days, she was clear-headed. As though a fog she didn't know was there had been lifted and now she could see a path ahead of her.

A path that had Cullen Rutherford as its destination.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know it's not a long or as hard-hitting as the previous one, and there's a lack of Cullen, but I felt it necessary to have something of a filler chapter, given how heavy going chapter 27 is. I hope you don't mind. Still, I tried to make this chapter interesting and engaging, and it's nice to see Nevena actually admitting how deep her feelings run. Plus, it was nice to demonstrate that Nevena has a support system outside of Cullen and to show some more of her friendship with Roselyn. Although I admit again, I'm a little leery. Worried you all are going to feel she's feeling things too fast.

I certainly hope you enjoyed this chapter. What do you think is going to happen next? Do you think Nevena will actually summon up her courage and tell Cullen how she feels or be brave enough to discuss the contract with him? Or do you think she'll chicken out at the last minute?

Thank you for reading. As always, please let me know your thoughts in the comments/tags/reblogs, and I'll see you in the next chapter! <3

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