#which i didn't process the meaning of. as well at the time

[dragonsondragons]

Prologue/Hard To Resist

Part of the You Should Probably Leave series

Description: In which Jack’s therapist challenges him to enjoy the daytime and he admits he has a work crush.

Warnings: yearning!jack, medical social worker!reader, reader is Jack’s work crush, slow burn, tons of therapy, working through trauma, Jack on his #healingjourney, angst, unspecified age gap. 

Word Count: 2.1k

Authors Note: Enjoy the first little snippet of this story! This part is solely Abbot's POV during a therapy session, but next part we will see him interacting with reader and the rest of the Pitt crew. Yay! Let the yearning begin, hope you enjoy :) This series is based on the song You Should Probably Leave by Chris Stapleton, I would highly recommend giving it a listen before/while reading.

(I thought this gif from Chicago PD was so Jack at his therapists office lol)

[Masterlist]

Jack’s therapist had recommended that he try to get more comfortable in the daytime. His relative ease in the darkness of the night was a useful coping mechanism for a time, she explained to him one session, but he didn't have to be in fight mode anymore. She was encouraging him to seek out safety and connection in the daytime so that his past had less control over his present. 

Jack had scoffed when she said that. Because what else does his past do than rear its ugly head every moment of every day? And did he even want to forget it? All of those soldiers he couldn’t save? They deserved to be remembered. 

“This isn’t about forgetting them,” she reminded him, “but rather processing your past experiences so that they are less distressing in the present. Putting yourself outside of your comfort zone of the night could be empowering. It could give you enough space to hold those people with you and move forward living as full of a life as you can. In their honor.”

“In their honor,” Jack echoed, mulling it over. He could do that. He wanted to do that. Move forward. That’s why he was doing all this work in therapy. But one thing he had come to find out, is that actually changing is a lot harder than knowing you want to. 

“Any ideas on what could be your first attempt at enjoying the daytime? Maybe some sort of social interaction,” she led him with her question. Her and Jack had talked about the power of improving social bonds before, how they can create community and give someone a deeper experience of life. Jack promised to give it a try but admittedly doesn't follow through much on that one. Jack didn’t really want a deeper experience of life if that meant opening yourself up to feeling all the pain that comes along with it more deeply, too.

“I don’t know, doc. I don't have many friends.” 

“Outside of work, you mean?” she said, surprised at his statement. He spoke of his coworkers all the time, they seemed plenty friendly.

“Well…there’s Robby. We hang out outside of work.” By that, he means that they push each other around at beer league hockey when their work schedules allow it and then grab a beer after. Other than that, their main points of interaction are admittedly at work, often on the roof of PTMC. 

“Yes, there’s Robby. But that's not exactly out of your comfort zone. That's pretty firmly within it from what I know.” Jack was silent, not keeping eye contact like he usually does. She could see there was something he wasn’t letting on. She never forced Jack to talk about anything he wasn’t ready to. That's something he appreciated about his therapist. But she also knew when she could push him a little bit. “Anyone else, then?” He’s silent again. She let it simmer, waiting for him to fill the gaps.

“There’s someone I work with,” Jack blurts out, his ears turning red. His knee was bouncing up and down. 

Your face flashed in his mind and he wrung his hands together. Jack was usually good at composure, but he found himself starting to crumble at the mere thought of you.

“You seem a little nervous. Care to tell me more about this someone?”

“Uh, well…yeah, she makes me a little nervous sometimes. But mostly she calms me down.” He wasn’t letting on much.

“Hmm, what about her calms you down?” his therapist hummed, encouraging him to continue.

“She's a social worker in the ED. Smart, caring, great at what she does,” he rambles. “We eat lunch together sometimes. If the timing works out on shift. When I'm having a shitty time at work… sometimes she makes me feel better. Just her being there.” He thinks about your knee brushing against his under the table after he made you laugh. Some stupid story about a guy who broke his femur literally slipping on a banana peel.

“So what about her makes you nervous then, if she makes you feel better?” 

“I mean– she's beautiful, that's mostly what makes me nervous.”

I can’t believe I just said all that, he facepalms internally. With all the respressing Jack does, sometimes a feeling will just catch up to him out of nowhere. There are a lot of things he used to distract himself throughout the day. From working in the ED or drowning out the silence at home with the police scanner, to working out until his whole body ached and volunteering at the VA. But there was never enough to fully distract him, eventually whatever it was he was trying to prevent floats to the surface.

After losing his wife years ago, after losing his brothers in a desert overseas, Jack had played it pretty close to the chest with his feelings. If he doesn't show his emotions, even to himself, then he could try to pretend they don’t exist. That the pain doesn’t exist. 

But that's why he’s in therapy, because the pain still very much exists. And one day he finally realized he couldn’t go on any longer without doing something about it. That was more than a year ago now. 

For this to work, you have to be honest with me, he remembers his therapist saying in their first session. But most importantly you have to be honest with yourself.  

If he’s being real honest with himself, he likes you. He had barely even admitted it to himself before today, but god he likes you. And with each day you were getting harder and harder for him to resist. 

Now, he had practically announced the crush to his therapist. Admitting out loud that he has some type of feelings for you made him more nervous than anything else. He couldn’t deny it now. Time to be honest.

“Maybe you should invite her to do something with you,” she proposes with a knowing look. 

“I don't know if that would be a good idea,” Jack says earnestly. Maybe he had admitted the crush but that doesn't mean he was ready to do something about it. 

“Why’s that?”

“Because she probably doesn't want anything to do with this,” he gestures around himself vigorously, slightly worked up. “I’m a little fucked up, and scary, I guess… I’ve heard people say.” And old, he thinks to himself, too old for her at least.

“Did she tell you she wants nothing to do with you?”

“No.”

“Then you don't know that. You said you eat lunch together. If she chooses to spend her valuable break time with you she likely enjoys being around you.” His face is full of apprehension. “You’re allowed to let yourself have good things, Jack.”

“There’s this part of me that wants to believe that,” he admits quietly. He’s opened this door now and there’s no closing it. He can’t help being drawn to you anymore. “But there's also a louder part of me screaming run.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, head hanging and taking a deep sigh.

“Remember that the brain’s automatic response is not always logical. Sometimes the loudest voice is actually the most illogical. And if you listen to it, it can cause you to spiral.”

“I've been thinking about that one, doc. I’ve been trying. To stop the spiral.” That’s one of the biggest challenges for him. To not let flashes of dark moments spiral into a category five hurricane. To take back his agency over his thoughts.  

“Good. How is it going?” He blows out a long breath, leaning back into the chair and crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Not so great. For a long time, my automatic thoughts,” he puts up air quotes around the phrase, “My instincts, they saved my life. Saved other guys lives in the med tent. So it's kinda hard to rewrite that pathway.” A lot of the time, he couldn't help but feel like ordinary decisions still meant life or death. So much anxiety had built up inside him that it felt like if he chose the wrong thing at the grocery store a bomb would explode.

“You’re not at war anymore though, Jack. Letting yourself enjoy this woman’s presence in your life won’t get anyone killed.” 

“Yeah.” Again, he’s quiet, remembering. 

“Part of processing is not letting past trauma control the now. Remember, things can be different this time. You’re encountering a whole different set of challenges in the present that don’t always require the tools of the past.”

“My shrink, always so wise,” Jack jokes.

“I asked you not to call me that,” she scolds him.

“Sorry, got a lot I'm working on at the moment.”

This gets his therapist to crack a smile, glancing down at her watch. “Time to wrap up. Keep working at that– making the choice to challenge your automatic thoughts. What's important is that you try to recognize them as they pop up and inquire as to why you may think that it’s true. It takes time and repetition, but you’ll get there. You’re doing well, really.” 

“Thanks, doc.”

“And don't forget your homework. To do something out during the daytime. Not errands or the gym, but something you’ll have fun doing.”  Jack rolls his eyes. She must really think I'm a snooze fest, he thinks.

“I know you can have fun, Jack. You’re human, just like the rest of us.” Sometimes he felt like a cyborg forged for war that would never be wired for civilian life ever again. But that’s all he was now, a civilian. A doctor. Not a cyborg, just a man. Through the sludge of his past– all that he’s seen and felt– what he has to do now is figure out how to live again. Too many years have passed him by in a haze.

“Whatever you say doc.” He does a loose salute with his fingers as he gets up from his chair to exit her office. “See ya next week.”

“See you then,” she responds, scribbling down notes from the session as he steps out the door.

“Oh!” she yells after him. “And I’ll give you extra credit if the fun involves this woman from work.” 

Jack only scoffed in response, then blushed in the elevator all the way back down to the lobby.  

————

Driving from his therapist’s office to the pit, he brainstormed what he could do for his “daylight assignment”. Just the thought of it was setting him on edge. All of the people and noises and atrocities that happen while everyone is awake. He’d do whatever this is in the day time, sure. But firmly in the afternoon so that the comfort of night would come soon enough and greet him, he decided. 

He wants it at his own house too, in his own space, to help dull the anxiety inside him. That would have to mean inviting people over. At least it would be people he chooses to invite, another element he could control. Robby, Dana, Shen, Ellis— they knew Jack, didn't expect too much from him. 

Then there was you. You who had boundless empathy for any patient that walked in the door and extensive knowledge of any resources that could help them. He admired your commitment to the patients and their families, in supporting people outside of just their medical needs. And of course, you radiate beauty like a goddamn emergency department Snow White. 

Your presence simply made Jack feel at ease, and in a place like the Pitt that was a very welcome feeling. But as much as he craved it, Jack was not used to feeling at ease. Eventually, his mind would rebel and tell him to retreat; that the peace was too good to be true. He couldn’t let himself have this. It was too risky. He had to resist.

Automatic thought! He warned himself. Ugh. Jack was tired. Tired of having to be so vigilant even inside his own head. Tired of whatever devil was on his shoulder always whispering in his ear. No, not whispering. Yelling. His therapist was right, the thoughts were loud. What had she said? Inquire why you think these thoughts may be true, he recalls. 

Why does he think he has to resist? Because everything good he’s ever had falls apart. Usually he was the one who ripped it apart. Never on purpose, just through being who he was, who life and war had made him.

Things could be different this time, Jack reminds himself, drumming his thumbs over the steering wheel. He sighs deeply, groans.

As much as he was spooked by the revelation that he couldn't contain his desire for you so well anymore, he was also enflamed by it. He wanted an angel on his shoulder. He wanted you. 

The voice inside of him saying that wasn’t harshly yelling, there were no flashing lights or sirens. It was steady, calm, all encompassing. And pure warmth. Maybe that’s how he can tell it's the right voice to listen to. 

Fuck it. He decided. I’m gonna throw a party and she’s gonna be the goddamn guest of honor. 

[vincentvangoghs]

I have posted a lot about why I believe we have much to look forward to with Buck and Tommy in the future, and I figured, why not one more for the road before leaving the rest up to fate this coming Thursday?

Three Reasons Why Buck and Tommy Will Reconcile and One Reason They May Not

I'm listing these in order of significance, from least to most, although this is a top three of numerous reasons I could list, so they're all very important:

Three

Tommy watches Buck through a monitor in 8x15. What are the facts here? Well, for starters, the scene was never meant to happen, in the sense that it was unscripted and decided on at the very last minute.

They literally pulled Lou Ferrigno Jr aside on set and essentially said, according to Ferrigno Jr. himself, "Hey, we know this is very last minute and all, but we sorta need you to film this moment that isn't in the script."

Ferrigno Jr. asked how much emotion they felt Tommy should feel. Tears? No tears? We got tears.

This occurred three episodes before the finale.

It not only served to establish that Tommy felt something deeply for Buck (Ferrigno Jr referred to Buck as the love of Tommy's love, so do with that what you will), but it was also such a standout moment because it placed a spotlight on Tommy as an individual. It told the audience, "You just saw this Tommy Kinard guy risk prison time and the loss of his job for Evan Buckley, and now he's in tears and holding himself as he watches the object of his affection break down and writhe on the floor. If you're questioning why Buck and others think Tommy is so damn great, this is why. He just wants a family and he cares so much, exactly like Buck. Furthermore, this is happening during a moment that is not only highlighting most of the 118, but will also permanently alter the trajectory of 9-1-1 until the series finale. Remember this."

Two

The copter sequence from 8x15. @sahtinekryze has spoken a lot more in-depth about this, but they put time and money into this sequence, when they did not have to. Again, three episodes before the finale. Buck and Athena did not have to run up to that roof, nor did Buck have to seek Tommy out for his assistance. It was all telegraphed that way, yes, out of convenience for numerous components of the storyline, but while still strongly highlighting Tommy's devotion to Buck and the rest of the 118 in the process.

"And for you" is objective proof of that. If they didn't want the general audience to think, "I like this Tommy guy for Buck, they should get back together," they wouldn't have put "And for you" into the script at all. Instead, they would have kept it at, "I'm doing this for Chimney." Actually, better yet, they wouldn't have had Tommy in the episode to begin with, especially to contribute all that he did.

One

The cemetery scene from 8x05. The most significant, at least, in my opinion.

During this scene, Buck expresses that life is ultimately worth living because of other people. And when he's saying this, he looks over at Tommy, who is shown to be really affected by all that Buck is saying and doing during this moment. And even more significant, the scene ends with Tommy literally looking at the audience and asking for Buck's curse to end.

"But what does that matter, when the writers broke them up the episode after?"

You see, this scene was filmed after the breakup in 8x06. Which means that they still wanted the audience to know how important Tommy was/is to Buck and vice versa, even after filming a literal sequence of Tommy breaking it all off. Logic and basic storytelling 101 dictates that if they intended for the breakup to remain concrete by the end of the 'will they won't they', they would have significantly altered the cemetery sequence, even if it meant doing so on the day of, like they did for a certain other moment in 8x15. Buck would not have glanced over at Tommy, just as Tommy wouldn't have spoken to the audience, and Tommy may have been removed from the scene entirely. But... of course... they didn't remove him from the scene, not when literally everything else except the 8x06 break up has so clearly established to the audience that Tommy Kinard is unlike any love interest Evan Buckley has ever had before, especially in the way Tommy is devoted to Buck by always showing up for him -- and his 118 family -- when it counts the most. I see a lot of wonderful intent here on behalf of Tim Minear and the rest of the team.

So, with all that said, why might they not get back together in the finale? I think it's simple:

One

They've decided to extend the 'will they won't they' into season nine.

Personally? I'm betting money on an 8x18 reconciliation. It jives with everything we know thus far about the way Tim Minear and his team handle storylines.

Random P.S.

Tell me THIS SONG wouldn't be perfect for a season eight finale ending montage? It applies to so much of season eight, as well as the BuckTommy ship in general! The lyrics!

[ofdarklands]

food and drink: 3, 7, 12, 15, 16, 17 / hobbies: 3, 4, 18 for mitr'a? 👁👁

whoa mama

ehem, long:

🍽️Food and Drink

3 Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?

hmm i think not, at least not because of the food in itself. even meol he refused to try not so much because of the soylent green part but because it was a hateful Eulmore Product tm. also because someone (even worse, a clown of some breed) was handing it to him and it was thus suspect

he's also tried lots of things that are not technically food so

7 Is there food that has made your character sick?

man sadly somewhat lactose intolerant. i don't think keepers have herds of anything, so it didn't come up until he left for gridania. he refuses to admit this however, because the making processes of cheese and yogurt and assorted milk products are fascinating and he's not dropping that

that's regarding food that is innocent

he has eaten all manner of other things experimentally that have absolutely wrecked him until he built up tolerance or decided it was actually hopeless. fruits, roots, plants, walking plants, frogs, snakes, lizards, bugs, sea bugs, fish, that one poisonous bird, barks, water that turned out to be fouled, and many many delicious but evil mushrooms and molds <- guy who shouldn't be alive

12 Which mealtime is your character's favorite?

as a guy who lives on his own at his own rhythm, mealtimes are not particularly fixed. he mostly eats when he's hungry. but whatever he eats at sunrise before going to bed is nice. cold, but a good view. and quiet

15 What food or drink does your character consider a treat?

grilled things. with just some salt and some herbs. takes more time, not very stealthy, bit wasteful. very tasty though. mmm goat on the stick

16 Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?

doesn't like much things that are so dry and crumbly they stick to your mouth forever or too sticky-gooey, generally. like, have you tried chewing fluid honey? that kinda texture. he'll still eat it of course, but still

otherwise he's an equal opportunity chewer

17 What kind of drinks does your character prefer?

dense. give that thing some substance (his beers are basically liquid bread). otherwise, water, teas and juices are the daily go-to. he's got favourite water springs to source water from, too

.

🎲 Hobbies and Activities

3 What is a talent your character wishes they had?

he's generally very satisfied with what he can do, i think. he's skilled with his hands and his mind is adept with crafts. his body allows him to fight well. his reflexes are good. he can even manage the ocassional act of rolling a 20 on CHA, if he really cares about it. what else is there? not consistent human interaction skills, surely

4 Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?

not really? his range of activities has actually broadened together with his character development during msq

though! i guess he doesn't get street food anymore; he just stares somewhat creepily at the preparation process until he can do it himself and feed it to someone else to taste-test the accuracy

18 What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?

economics and politics are not interesting to him, and also culturally not his problem. to him they're only worth talking about as context in stories. sadly being alphinaud's attack wol means he gets to hear a LOT about it. after the banquet he doesn't tune out anymore but by oschon's balls. torment

regarding what i think the question is actually about

things he'd honestly answer but mostly isn't asked: where he's been, his fights, his age, killing people, losing people, his job, his opinion on people, his opinion on the current plan, which cities suck the most, how he would kill lolorito, any plant or rock in sight, what sex he's been having, what the fuck do you mean ardbert was there the whole time, etc

things he might try to slide around for the sake of the other person, but would answer if asked point blank: his experiences and opinions with the wol legend (bleh), the almost-lightwarden times (bad), what the fuck do you mean zenos was there (great), do you regret almost dying at the end of the universe for no reason (no), if he likes fighting by the scions's side (fucking stressful), are you fucking my mother warrior of light (yes)

things he won't talk about: affection (not something for words), where his clan is (security reasons), hildibrand (not real), magitek (enough robots already*), any time he's failed at something he's actually good at (embarrassing. no more queshtions)

[lususnatura]

one could see the cogs turning in blamore's mind as he tried to process what exactly she could've meant by that. then, after a few moments, he seemed to realize just what harley was talking about. this was as he made little gestures with a finger like he was trying to spell out the words physically in the air around them; and a look of realization quickly passed across his face. all that it looked like on the outside was a raise of the eyebrows on its face, however, and a glint in its eye as it uttered a soft 'oh.'

well, that was interesting, he supposed. blamore found itself feeling slightly dumbfounded by what harley said regarding what ivy fought with her over. i mean, yeah, she had become heavily enhanced but at her core — ivy was still a bit human, wasn't she? plants just didn't have the capability to feel complex emotions like love and hatred. blamore didn't know what to say to this as it let out a troubled hum. shrugging, the hybrid then told harley this, ❝ mm, well, i can't pretend to know what she was feeling at the time that you two were together. but i do know that sometimes, although i'm not really sure i believe in fate, maybe things just aren't meant to be? i don't know.

i just want to communicate with you that i'm willing to wait however long it might take for you to try it. i can be remarkably patient, actually. ❞ blamore nodded in response to what harley said about not going overboard about things, touching his chest tube for a brief moment. he honestly could not wait to have that thing out of him. it made it a bit hard for it to even perform the most basic of functions, which was breathing, and it found itself having to move a lot slower than usual. blamore yawned as he listened to harley talk about their situation with sushi.

and how did it not know until now that she was allergic to fish, it thought? its eyes widened slightly as harley talked about how even imitation crab got her feeling ill. ❝ ahh, i see. you haven't mentioned your fish allergy before now, right? because i had no idea that you even had one. but that is a good thing to know, for sure. so thank you for letting me know about it anyhow, ❞ blamore kept on walking whilst using its IV pole to balance itself, the tip of his tail moving back and fourth subtly. he bit onto the edge of his thumb as the other asked him what he wanted for sushi.

❝ mm, shrimp sounds good to me right now. but you know the sushi with egg? i think its tamago, or something... could you please get me some of that too if they have it? now i feel obliged to give you a kiss for being an angel and ordering us food. so come here, my love, ❞ blamore wrapped its tail around harley's waist and gently pulled her towards its body to give her a kiss on the cheek. he smiled widely at harley as he pulled away then, letting out a small 'oof' whilst he wiped away some sweat that formed on his brow. thank god that it had some supplemental oxygen currently being delivered to it or it'd likely be completely winded at the present.

Harley giggled letting him translate French to English and figure out for himself. In some aspect it was fun to speak back and forth in his native tongue, it helped her speak the language more fluently, or made Balmore chuckle if she put words in the incorrect order.

As they took in a rift of Harley could tell this conversation had been weighing heavily on Balmore's mind. She wasn't about to not understand where it came from or his train of thought but hearing that they /them wasn't entirely a suitable replacement she hesitated.

" It's jus'... We can figure it out. I jus' ask fa' yer' patience... I hate bein' this quiet around you...like ya' did anything wrong. I have my reservations simply because... Ex stuff. Ivy didn't feel human anymore. Then again that grew inta' a superiority complex. She'd like say I couldn't unda'stand things cause I was human. Or in a fight when I simply wanted more time ta'gether ... she'd state I had nothing in comparison ta' tha' green. I wasn't some sentient force that could talk of eons of things learned or how to defend against. "

She grew bashful and withdrawn rubbing her arm, in a sense she didn't want Balmore to think she wathe two of them. She sunk down into the hospital bed as though she were the one in need of it. It was hard to hear even the significant steps she thought of for the experiment.

" I'd have to figure out how to retain blood 'en tha' likes but... ughh... I think Nora could help me wit' that, she's a surgeon afta' all. BUT... I promise I won't go too ova' board with this. As long as you don't... "

Noticing him wrapping up to move, Harley took Balmore's hand and walked down the hospital wing. His movement seemed labored and wheezy as he rolled his IV along. There was no doubt in her mind that he hated every moment of being confined. Even at the mention of sushi, she had to giggle and wonder if he missed Marmalade.

" I can have sushi... well maybe not tha' fish kind but if ya' want.. I have no problem getting you that. Shellfish doesn't seem too much an issue... I dunno why? Then again I usually don't even botha' getting crab based ones cause they use imitation that has fish protein 'en gets me ill."

Looking through her apps, she pulled up a delivery service and saw a place that could make anything he wished. She didn't have an issue with him getting fish as long as brushing and some dental precautions took place afterwards.

Going out the door she smirked that despite illness their was respect and sweetness in their interactions. With a few presses of a button she wasted no time specifying her allergy and asking things be packaged separately. " So gyoza lets go pork 'en veggie, I'll get tha' gyudon beef bowl.... now you said sushi, so no sashimi... let's see... da' you want shrimp, salmon, prawn, or tuna? OR like all of the above? I can only do one of tha' sushi's cause tempura crab is used 'en it has cream cheese which of course that makes it all tha' betta'. "

[capsizedskeleton]

watched an avenue q bootleg filmed in 2018 and in for now they go "trump is only for now" oh i have. some news for yall

[july-19th-club]

i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake

[blackcatxmagic]

Jamie was definitely cute, that was for sure, and Vale liked the way the guy kept him on his toes. Moreover, he liked that it didn't feel as though anything was serious with him. Most of the time, the only way that Vale got through any given day was by pretending all the terrible things in his past hadn't happened, putting them in a box and locking them away. It was why he'd been getting into so much trouble back in Seattle too - he couldn't process any of the most painful things he'd locked away. So it was nice to just mentally say "fuck it" and go with it, which is what Jamie seemed to do (at least in Vale's limited experience). That was why Vale found his mood change so suddenly, well that and the fact that Jamie was, again, incredibly cute. "I bet you can get away with anything with a face like yours," Vale said, smiling at Jamie. "I chose the right accomplice."

Although Vale had kind of just been flirting, he had also kind of been serious, so he smirked at Jamie's reply. "Well...I guess I insist then," Vale said, his afternoon suddenly looking up. Even if Jamie hadn't meant it, Vale still enjoyed the banter. "And don't worry, your secret criminal underworld past is safe with me. We're in this together now, two partners in crime, out to break into a car." Yes, it was Vale's car, but they were technically breaking in. They walked together through the thrift store, Vale listening to Jamie with rapt attention. "I feel a little like you're my Jedi master right now," he admitted, "and I'm like apprentice. Teach me your ways. Do you have a lot of rules? Like...should I be writing this down?" Obviously he was kidding, Vale smiling at Jamie. He noticed the rack with empty wire hangers too, and Vale suggested, "Maybe I can create a distraction, running his fingers through his hair and giving it a flip; he'd distracted people this way before. But then he realized no one was around, and Vale admitted, "You know, I'm almost disappointed."

Once they were outside, Vale laughed and said, "So in our effort to commit one crime, we committed another first. We're definitely getting thrown in the slammer for this if we get caught. I mean, we stole a hanger and are about to break into my own car. We're cold-blooded." They reached Vale's car, and he looked around to see how many people were in the vicinity. "Should I like...stand behind you or something while you do this?" he asked. "To block you from view I mean, not because I want to stand behind you. Though...I don't not want to do that either."

Jamie looked at Vale and took his sunglasses off, tucking them into his shirt. "You're gonna have to tell me what those skills are so I can judge you as a person," he said jokingly, despite his deadpan delivery. Whoever he was, he was probably having a much worse day than Jamie's, and he decided to go easy on him. For now at least.

"Vale, if that's an offer, I might take you up on it if you insist," he teased. Unlike Vale, Jamie didn't have many people he considered real friends, and hadn't for years. Any time people tried to get close, he pushed away knowing exactly what would happen if he let them get too close again. He didn't want to ever get burned like that again. Maybe it wasn't healthy, but it sure beat having to deal with the heartache. There was nothing worse than that.

"They can't prove anything, and neither can you, so if you even bring up that I have a criminal history, I'm gonna deny it and say you're insane," Jamie joked, this time smiling. "Hm... I don't think so. I can just offer like ten cents for one and they'll give it to me. I'm there often enough," he shrugged when Vale wondered if they'd have to buy anything to get a hanger. "Rule number one of not being a sucker: no credits. If you can't pay it now, you can't pay it ever, so I'm not putting you in any kind of debt. Ten cents isn't a high price to pay for a ride around town, if you ask me!"

As they made their way into the shop, Jamie waked over to one of the empty racks near the register where a few hangers sat without any clothes on them. The associates must've been busy, because he didn't see anyone at the front of the shop. "Vale... we're gonna walk out of here." He reached for an empty wire hanger and tucked it under his arm, looking around just in case any of the associates did come to the front of the shop. Figuring they were busy with other customers, Jamie cooly sauntered right back out of the door, not stopping to look back. "See? Didn't even need to buy a thing!"

[whoslaurapalmer]

the adult horror conversation with yourself of 'i could have tortillas with dinner tonight. i just had tortillas the other day. that's okay. i can, in fact, have tortillas again! i am putting a different filling in them! but if i have these tortillas, i will have a total of six tortillas left in the freezer. eventually i will have to buy more tortillas. by god, girl, you are allowed to eat the things you have in the freezer, instead of feeling like you have to save them for some potential eventuality so you don't run out of them, and like, what situation are you even imagining where the tortillas would be better to have later instead of for this particular dinner??? if you keep feeling like you have to save them for Something you will just not eat the tortillas!! eventually EVERYTHING runs out and you have to buy more of them!! that is the way the world works!! you are allowed to not have things aggressively stockpiled, except for like, tissues, but that was a purchasing incident on mom's card while she was still here, so you just happen to have, a bizarre amount of tissue boxes. AND WHILE YOUR FINANCES ARE STILL BIG RED QUESTION MARKS, YOU CAN, IN FACT, AFFORD TO GO BUY MORE TORTILLAS IF YOU FUCKING WANT TO!!! YOU GET THE STREET TACO SIZE AND THEY'RE LIKE $2.99!!!!! AND WHEN DID YOU EVEN BUY THESE TORTILLAS, HUH???????? YOU DON'T KNOW, DO YOU???? WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH THE TORTILLAS AT AN ACCEPTABLE PACE!! WHATEVER THE HELL THAT SENTENCE MEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

anyway i'm eating the tortillas. or i mean they're on the counter defrosting while i have some chicken toasting in the toaster oven

[roobylavender]

i missed that class what dont you like about starlins rendition of their relationship?

(and also like, DID you think he did something in particular well or was it all…meh

the crux of my issues in this regard stems from batman #416. in the post-crisis era you began to see this way more lopsided depiction of bruce and dick's relationship wherein the former was portrayed to be almost.. bitter that dick had moved on to establish his own life. and it stood in great, great contrast to the bruce of the pre-crisis era, who was certainly devastated at the realization that dick was growing up, but also very intent for him to find his own happiness and way in life. they would have their disagreements on occasion (e.g., bruce initially disapproving of dick dropping out of college, bruce immediately taking leadership of a situation where the titans were involved when dick was better equipped to handle it, etc.) but the outcome of those situations was never outright bad yknow. bruce was very much capable of recognizing where he might have overstepped and subsequently stepped back to let dick have his own space. and i think initially max allan collins expanded on that dynamic in the post-crisis era in interesting ways by juxtaposing bruce's desire to see dick flourish against his own constant fear for dick's life. so instead of mike w. barr's comedic and lighthearted backup stories in early 80s tec where bruce disguised himself to keep an eye on dick's shenanigans and assure himself everything was going alright, you got this more serious confrontation within bruce with regards to his position as a parent. i don't think a lot of people read it that deeply but i've always viewed batman #408 as one of the most sensible depictions of that dilemma. the general complaints tend to be that this issue robbed dick of his pre-crisis decision to retire robin on his own, and i'll concede that as a worthwhile concern. but i don't think it's esp damning what with the implication that bruce no longer wants to be the person indirectly making the decision for dick to continue to be in this line of work. their moment at dick's bedside is less about bruce robbing him of the decision and more about him saying, if i let you still be robin, that's a direct reflection on me, bc i'm the one who got you to do all of this originally. i'm the one who put you directly in harm's way. if you're going to do this from now on, you need to do it on your own terms. you need to decide for yourself that this is who you want to be, without your relationship with me even being a factor.

it's a moment contributive to that delicious dynamic between them wherein every decision bruce takes to service dick's agency is inevitably read the wrong way by the latter to imply that he's not valued or not worthy of being seen as bruce's equal (and before the hounds pounce on me this obv does not include the increasingly abusive depiction of their relationship as the 90s progressed). that is an unavoidable dilemma when you're simultaneously someone's ward/adopted son and also their partner-in-crime! dick wants to be bruce's son and to be entitled to all of the love and care and protection that that entails but he also wants to be bruce's brother, his equal, his confidante, the one person he trusts more than anyone else in the world, etc. it's a tough place to be! it is paradoxical! and i'm so, so open to seeing that explored and think the way collins attempted to approach it in #408 was marvelous. but the way starlin (and other writers as well) totally swerved right in #416 to create this sudden resentment in bruce that dick had grown out of needing him was.. so utterly bizarre. like completely out of left field in a way i don't understand why people don't question it anymore bc in light of everything in the immediate fifteen years prior to the crisis it makes so little sense. their relationship with each other was so valued, bruce was so anxious to see dick establish himself while nonetheless maintaining a protectiveness over him, but it was all very much in good will even if he could overstep on occasion. it had all of the potential to allow for a very nuanced, empathetic exploration into the dilemmas of parenthood and esp when you are someone like bruce who has to forever live and contend with the crime of taking kids with him out onto the streets. bc he has to feel guilty! there is no escaping it. this is history, done and dusted forever, can't go back in time, so on and so forth. whatever harm comes any robin's way he has to live with as in some part being traceable back to his own actions. and i frankly believe that would be far more likely to evoke grief and anxiousness and concern than it would be bitterness that his son is charting out his own life

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 6 "christmas carol" thoughts

(wipes away tears) my tummy hurts

so, i broke my own rule, and watched these next 2 episodes back to back. like i mentioned before, in some ways i am very happy i did this, to experience the sadness all at once rather than dragging it out over 2 days. but now that i have to edit and post these, whew boy. it’s going to be draining.

i wonder how the actors felt about these plot points of constant sorrow? do you think it got draining after a while? do you think they too wanted a break?

anyway. let us go back to 3 hours ago, when i was more innocent, younger, freer.

so, last episode had its ups and downs, and the episode before that was near perfection. i know a little about what happens in this one, and i’m ready to be hurt.

(author’s note: she was not, in fact, ready to be hurt)

i shall refrain from any further comment, beyond the fact that i am reading the episode description… scully must be utterly shocked to think that her sister had a secret child!!!

oh, and it’s a christmas episode? which i think is a little early since i’m watching this in november, but i’m sure it made sense when it aired. i’ll have to mentally get myself festive.

anyway. let us begin. i’m excited. 

(author’s note: i should not have been excited)

the scully family is visiting someone! scully observes that this woman is huge. which is actually hilarious. queen of speaking her mind.

ohhhh it’s bill’s house, and bill’s wife tara who we are meeting!! scully is unsettled because it is the exact same layout as their childhood house on the naval base :( i bet that feels super weird, to be in a place exactly like your childhood home, but yet not it

oh no, maggie is really sad because she misses mr. scully and melissa :( scully seemed to want to talk about it, but her mother darted away

(these guys definitely subscribe to that john mulaney bit about being irish: "i'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, i'll die")

now the phone is going off, and she wants bill to answer it. but it’s for her???? 

a mysterious voice: “she needs you, dana. go to her” (proceeds to hang up)

this answered no questions at all.

she uses her special FBI privileges to trace the call!! and bill takes her to where she needs to go. which is….?

a house?

there are a lot of cop cars and ambulances at this here house. AND WHO IS THIS RUDE MAN TALKING TO SCULLY???? (later revealed to be named detective kresge)

“no offense, scully fbi” “i’ve been here thirty minutes, guarantee you no one’s called out to you or anyone else” <- UM???? i will throw hands. disrespect her at your own risk.

he explains that the phone is off the hook which. okay. so yeah, that would make calling difficult. but you don’t have to be a dick about it.

oh……. i see what has happened here… mrs. roberta sim is dead, and it’s a suicide. 

(was actually pretty shocked at how they just. showed her in the tub like that. damn. it was a lot)

bill is freaked tf out. “what’s going on? they’re joking about you getting a call from a dead woman” <- woah woah woah who are these first responders who have time to MAKE FUN OF SCULLY WHILE ON A CASE!???? bill, i give you permission to sic ‘em. put all that rage to good use

OH MY GOD, SHE THOUGHT THE VOICE ON THE PHONE WAS MELISSA??? 

(spooooooky intro…………)

is she going to call mulder about this, or will this be a special scully alone christmas episode that makes me weep like a baby? let’s find out!!!!

she is back at the sim house with mr. sim and detective kresge, who says there was an outgoing call around the same time scully received that mysterious message, even though the phone was out. he claims it must have been some sort of glitch. hmm... suspicious.

she cannot stop staring at this little kid, though…

at family dinner, scully must excuse herself to make a phone call. she calls mulder!!! who is running in to pick up!!! did he just get out of the shower, or did he just come inside or something, because he has a funny hat on? anyway, she doesn’t say anything, just hangs up on him once she hears his voice. 

ohh :(

she must have been trying to see if the phone was really working... so she called the number she knew by heart and the person she knew would pick up... i will cry

back at the dinner table, bill’s wife tara's baby is kicking, and she’s talking about how she can’t wait to have more children. scully looks like she is being sucker punched.

i mean it hasn’t been addressed, but i’ve assumed that she’s come to the conclusion that kids are not really on the table for her after we found mulder with all of her eggs. which is still crazy, btw. has he just been holding onto them? or did he give them to her offscreen? 

tara says this line: “i can’t help but think that life before now was somehow… less” <- OKAY THAT WAS A RUDE THING TO SAY AND YOU’RE GONNA MAKE SCULLY CRY???? LOOK AT HOW SAD SHE IS???? what the HELL???

way to sit there and straight up tell your sister-in-law her life is a boring prelude until she has kids. which she cannot have. so her life is going to be, in your words, a prelude forever. because god forbid a woman have a life without a child. or if she wants one and cannot have one, her life will be unfulfilling. tara, i get that you're in a busy space mentally rn, you are sick in the head for that.

despite tara saying something so out of pocket that i would have simply left the table, scully pulls it together with smile, gets through dinner, and starts washing the dishes. because she is a trooper.

maggie comes in and asks what is the matter. and scully LIES and says "nothing". i don’t get the impression these two are big on talking about their emotions.

but she does that mom thing where she puts her hands on her hips and scully spills; she doesn’t even have to finish the sentence and her mom understands and is hugging her, saying she’s so sorry.

OH MY GOD, SHE’S CRYING??? and her voice is wavering and she tells her it’s okay but “i just never realized how much i wanted it until i couldn’t have it” <- OH MY GOD. i knew this was coming but it still hurts.

SCULLLLYYYY WHYYYYY. the way she says she is okay, when she so clearly isn't...

so she’s stuck sleeping in this room that is going to be a nursery, which just seems insanely cruel….. 

as she drifts off into sleep, we get a flashback of baby her with her brother, saying he’s going to cook her rabbit into a stew!! not very kind. now where did she put the rabbit? is it a real rabbit or a plush friend?

it seems he is in the basement. NOOOOO, it is a real baby bunny, and she put him in a lunchbox... he died and is filled with maggots!! NOOOO. oh poor baby scully just wanted to keep her rabbit friend safe.......... :(

i would guess that this is one of her earliest memories associated with death. and now we know that bill has always been mean.

this must be some sort of traumatic experience mixed with a nightmare because she is also seeing that little girl from earlier at the sim's house… just watching her in the basement, hunting for the rabbit…. but such a terrible nightmare is interrupted by a phone ringing 

it is her cellphone at 2:30 in the morning!!!! it’s the same voice as before saying "she needs your help"!! she asks the voice why she is calling her... but is met with silence

she goes to the sim's house and explains that yet again the call was traced to their house, which he claims to have no explanation for. and mr. sim tells her to get the fuck out basically, which i understand he has had a really terrible day, but it still feels cold :/ just slamming the door on her face like that 

creepy child is watching her leave…. ominously...

detective kresge is here, and scully wants everything he has on the roberta sim case. he says there is no case, it was just a simple suicide. she says please let me see whatever it is you have, for the sake of the season. which works on him, actually. i did not think it would.

ohhhh, that is going to be a photo of her wrists in the evidence pile. again, not really pulling any punches here.

detective kresge says that there was a domestic disturbance at the house the week before; it wasn't a very happy house. and roberta sim had some medicine in her system. scully finds a photo of the daughter in her purse, which she asks to borrow. which he probably thought was weird as hell.

it seems she is going to compare it with her own family photos. there are pictures of melissa in japan as a kid, and this emily child looks identical!!! 

now she is furiously typing into a computer, looking for birth records. she cannot find any records on emily because she was adopted. so she’s calling someone from work

oh... she needs the full information from her sister’s death :( 

another flashback?? or nightmare? hard to tell. little scully is walking down to a casket at church, seeing the blood from roberta sim dripping from it.

ah, must have been a nightmare. bill wakes her up. he asks her what she’s doing and she’s sneaking about saying there is some unfinished work she has. 

detective kresge is still being a dick as she goes and asks him for more help on this case. she thinks it was a murder!!! OHHHH she slams him over the head with the chair of facts and logic: how tf could the phone be off the hook if mr. sim called the police when he found her????? checkmate.

and she DEMANDS an autopsy. queen of getting things done.

well, she is going to do that autopsy herself. and she doesn’t find any evidence of pills in roberta sim's stomach!! this dude doing the autopsy with her is also being a dick. why is everyone so mean to scully all of the time? i have said it before and i will say it again: i can throw hands

she finds a needle puncture in roberta sim's foot!!! it was meant to be overlooked. ohohoh, something is afoot here.

so they go to mr. sim’s house and he starts yelling at scully right away, saying it is her fault that he is being investigated, and what do they find but a NEEDLE!!! he claims it is for daily anemia injections for his daughter. scully lets him know that they are going to check that claim out. 

there are people out front watching her????? when she sees them, they leave. ummm.....

so she sneaks back into bill’s place at night to find the reports she ordered on melissa and the mysterious daughter emily. and the DNA tests match up perfectly!!!!

maggie enters!!!! and she asks where she was all day!!!

she tells maggie to sit down… and explains how the two sets of DNA match. 

(very dramatic fade to black as scully tells her emily is melissa’s daughter)

she is now explaining to maggie that according to the tests they ran, there is a 60% chance that melissa is emily’s mother. and it lines up with the time that melissa was running up and down the coast, and no one knew where she was!!! maggie is shocked because she is sure melissa would have told her if she was having a baby. i can imagine that this is hard to hear.

maggie isn’t listening, however, and tries to explain that scully is still connected to melissa, which is why she is projecting this child upon her... ?????????????????

(i think she is trying to be supportive of scully's grief, but also writing her off as irrational, which feels like a slap in the face. girl... she did not hallucinate the gene testing out of sadness ???)

(i am 90% sure that scully is the only one in this family that actually goes to therapy. because the reactions of her family seem to indicate this)

a flashback scene to teenage years, where young scully and melissa are shaking presents before christmas, trying to figure out what they are. OHHHH IT’S HER FAMOUS NECKLACE…. and maggie, who catches them in the act of their crime, puts it around her neck, saying it means god is with you and watching over you. but then it turns into a vision of herself. oh poor scully and her terrible flashback nightmares :(

the detective is here to see her. they found huge bank deposits from mr. sim!!! one was deposited- from his wife- after she was dead!! and they’re all coming from a pharmaceutical company!!!! this is deeply suspicious…

emily is a patient at this clinic, where they were allegedly treating her for a rare type of anemia. key word: allegedly

oh this is really juicy. mrs. sim wanted to pull her from the trial, but the pharmaceutical company made payments to keep her involved. and this doctor- dr. calderon- says he gave that medicine they found in roberta sim's system not to emily, but for mr. sims, who said he was suffering from migraines!!!

mr. sim HATES to see them coming, and he is now under arrest for REAL.

scully takes emily and puts her into her carseat. and emily grabs her necklace!!! scully looks deeply amused. 

OH MY GOD, SHE GIVES HER THE NECKLACE???? she must be really convinced that is melissa’s baby for her to part with the necklace. it means she wants god to watch over her……… she is so sad as they drive away

bill is having a navy christmas party while scully sits there sadly. bill summons her to the kitchen. he wants to know what her deal is!! 

MAGGIE TOLD BILL ABOUT HOW SHE THINKS EMILY IS MELISSA’S BABY??? mrs. scully CANNOT keep a secret to save her life omfg....

“she called you from beyond the grave to tell you that? sounds like something that partner of yours would say” <- bill, you can count your days.

“it does not matter where that phone call came from. what matters is that there is a little girl who needs my help” <- YOU TELL HIM!! she must do the right thing, always and forever

“this isn’t about any little girl, dana. it’s about you. it’s about some… emptiness, some void inside yourself that you’re trying your hardest to fill” <- okay this is it. bill, i hated you before, but if i were her, i would go no contact at this moment 

(as i edit my notes, i am all the more shocked by his cruelty and his unending ability to somehow get more patronizing when you think he has reached his peak. just a nasty guy, this bill scully. "some void inside yourself" genuinely fuck off)

“bill, i don’t expect you to understand, but i am not going to stand her and justify my…”

(her telling him off was interrupted by a phone call)

OHHH, SIM CONFESSED TO THE MURDER!!! then why did the witnesses lie about seeing him at the doctor’s office??

she leaves bill’s dumbass party to go deal with this, but the men from before who were watching her are there at sim's jail cell too!!!!

she gets out of her car and runs after them, but you cannot outrun a car… detective kresge claims those men are his lawyers, and they had to have only visited him for 10 minutes tops

OH SHIT. mr. sim tried to hang himself!!!! or did he......

scully comes back “home” to bill’s house, and he runs into her, saying he was about to go over to the neighbor's house with some cookies. she tells him that mr. sim is dead, and whoever it was that did it also framed his death as a suicide. so she must be thinking it was those guys from the car who were watching her that did it, because they had just come in to talk to him. and perhaps that those same men were responsible for the "suicide" of mrs. sim.

bill says he has to show her something. what could he possibly have at this time?????

OHHH.... it’s a photo of melissa right before the child was allegedly born, and she does not look pregnant at all. scully points out that you can have a baby without being pregnant, but bill is not having it.

oh my GOD??? he says she’s making this child into melissa’s daughter to fulfill her need? and he claims to understand, but warns that she is only going to hurt herself??

scully is a better woman than me because i would have packed my shit and left right then and there. actually, i would have left a WHILE ago. holy hell. let’s all ignore the science that the doctor did, right? because scully’s just some cRaZy gRiEVinG wOmAN!1!!1! bill honestly could not be more patronizing if he tried. that baby of his is gonna have a terrible home life.

someone is here to see her from the county to talk about the adoption (later revealed to be named chambliss). scully put in an application for adoption!!! oh my god???

chambliss says that her application isn't looking good, because she’s single, unmarried, never been in a serious relationship (and what the fuck kinda impact is that going to have on her ability to raise a child??? is one parent's love not enough?? or are they worried about her dying and emily being an orphan or something??), and in a dangerous occupation (okay, that reason actually makes sense). they’re rejecting her, and she’s crying, saying she’s questioned her priorities since she got cancer

“ever since i was a child, i’ve never allowed myself to get too close to people. i’ve avoided emotional attachment” (yeah girl we can tell…)

“perhaps i’ve been so afraid of death and dying that any connection just seemed like a bad thing. something that wouldn’t last” stop. stop i’ll cry. you love something so much and it dies anyway. like that bunny in the lunchbox.

“but i don’t feel that anymore” tears. in my eyes.

ohhhh my gosh, chambliss points out that emily would need constant supervision, that her condition is incurable, and while scully may have experience with terrible illness, she would have to relive it through the eyes of a child. and scully says she thinks she’s ready. chambliss says they’ll review her final application, and they shake hands, saying merry christmas.

so would she just??? leave the FBI?? to raise emily?? is that even possible at this point in time? or would she stay in the FBI and have to hire like the highest quality daycare of all time? i feel so bad for scully, but i don't see how this could work...

scully sits down, and is taken back to a chat with melissa years ago, before leaving for quantico. her dad is telling her that she is making a mistake, but melissa reminds her it’s not his life.

(god, her dad was mean too)

“but you know, when i started med school, it felt so right. it just seemed like that’s where i was supposed to be, and… then, by the time i graduated, i just knew it was wrong. but now the FBI feels right, and… what if that’s wrong, too?”

(and we can, and SHOULD, analyze this to hell and back. but right now i am tapped into the plot, so this might be something i come back to and write a thinkpiece on)

melissa says “there is no right or wrong. life is just a path. you follow your heart and it’ll take you where you’re supposed to go”

scully replies: “i don’t believe in fate. i think we have to choose our own path”

“well, just don’t mistake the path for what’s really important in life”

“which is what?” 

“the people you’re going to meet along the way. you don’t know who you’re going to meet when you join the FBI. you don’t know how your life is going to change…. or how you are going to change the life of others”

oh melissa... how i miss you... and she didn't know who she would meet...

ohhhh, tara wakes her up the next morning :( and it’s christmas :(

but before they can open presents, someone from the FBI is at the door with something for scully……

bill tries to sign for it and the FBI courier says no, we need dana. lmao. put him in his place.

so she opens the file and...

AND SHE TELLS THEM THAT IT SAYS SHE IS EMILY’S MOTHER????

(to be continued)

(punches wall)

okay, so i regret the words i typed earlier about me being excited for these next two episodes. WHYYYY??? why was i excited for this!!! i was a simple FOOL. i knew what was coming. and i know what is to happen next!!!

i am going to be SICK!!!! considering breaking my own rule and watching the next episode right now….. oh my gosh. wait. wait. let me try and get some more of my own thoughts out first, so that if i do go and do that, i can make them coherent….

fuck. all of them were so mean to her and she was RIGHT. everyone needs to STOP BEING MEAN TO HER. bill, i HATE YOU. maggie, you at least tried, but you SHOULD HAVE BELIEVED HER. 

man. man i cannot sit on this like i usually do. apologies, but i must continue at ONCE.

her grief………

it has been 12 hours since i watched this episode and i have somewhat gathered my thoughts. scully just feels this constant need to do the right thing, even if she doesn't know how to do it. i'm just shocked at how she was willing to drop everything and adopt this girl she thought was born to her sister, and i am shocked by the fact she remains civil with her family when they treat her like a fool. scully is by far a better person than me. but at the same time, i'm not *that* shocked, because we have always known how intense her moral compass is.

so, it was an episode where it was just scully. and while i am always deeply thankful for such an episode, it usually does come with some intense pain.

i literally cannot imagine how she must have felt hearing that she has a child she never knew about. i mean, emily was 3!! that is 3 years she was out in the world and scully had no idea!! and to have her autonomy taken from her entirely... i just cannot wrap my brain around it.

while this episode was very good, i do not think it is one i would rewatch anytime soon for sheer levels of emotion. and boy, i did in fact go ahead and watch the next one right after, something i had vowed to NEVER do, but here we are... i hope to get both of these writeups posted today so i can experience all the emotions in one weekend and then release them into the wind. except, of course, i am sure they will haunt me forever.

(melissa's love coming from beyond the grave to give her those phone calls... the ghost of christmas past... her paranormal experience leading her to family... wahhhhh)

[lala-blahblah]

Two wolves live inside me. Soulless tech industry wolf that gives me health insurance and rent money and coworker friends and i can buy food and not worry vs Happy wolf that gets to read people's stories and help refine them and push them to greatness but it is an asynchronous individualistic job and pays little and is very unstable and no health insurance and i would have to bite and claw my way into the industry. And so i just keep my soulless job and do story refining editing for free. Hm.

[sayangrafayel]

LADS react you knocking someone out for insulting your man and firmly saying "That's what you get for insulting my husband!"

A fun request and also a callback to my old post HAHAHA. How would they react to this? And the fact that you guys are not even married yet?

Sylus, Xavier, Rafayel, Zayne, Caleb.

Sylus

Are you joking. This man would be so proud of you. He wasn't even bothered by the insult, he even secretly thanks the stranger because he loves this badass ruthless side of you.

And also, you firmly saying he's your husband? He's already thinking of which ring he should get you because he loves the idea of him being "husband" all the time.

The next day you see him browsing for rings, "What.. are you doing?" "Well, you called me your husband so I thought I should really get you a ring. If it happens again, the ring would hurt them even more."

Xavier

Was so confused because it happened so fast. I mean, yes, he is fast too but he always brushed it off if someone somehow insults him.

So to see you stand up for him like that was a bit surprising.. but in a good way, because you know he would do the same to you too, right?

"Did you call me your husband?" "Sorry, I was-" "No, I liked it. A lot. We should go to HR and update our relationship status." "Xavier, that's not how this works!!"

Rafayel

After seeing the knock out punch he smiled happily "That's what you get for messing with my bodyguard!" He didn't register the word "husband" at first.

"Oh, so I'm just your bodyguard now? Not bride? I called you my-" He finally registers it "YOU CALLED ME YOUR- WAIT, MY POOR FISHIE BRAIN NEED TO PROCESS THIS."

He calls you his bride quite often but you always act like it wasn't a big deal, while in fact, it was a big deal and you get so giddy hearing it. So this is a form of revenge on him too, in a way.

Zayne

He also didn't care about the insult. Being a doctor, he's used to getting cussed out by upset patients or family of patients, some people grief differently and sometimes they lash out at the doctors and nurses.

So seeing you knock someone out in a single punch and hearing your words made him feel... he actually has someone who stands up for him now. Still, as a doctor, he has to check on the poor (and rude) stranger first. And of course your knuckles!

While applying first aid kit to your knuckles he remembers your words, "Thank you." "Hmm?" "For standing up for me, and for calling me your husband." You start to blush because.. did you really call him that!? You didn't mean to say it out loud! "We should make it official soon, what do you think?"

Caleb

HEAR ME OUT. I would love to have reader knock the stranger out in one punch but what IF- you didn't and they tried to punch back but Caleb stopped it with his evol, making them kneel in front of you?

"Did you really think I'd let you land a punch on my wife?" After making the man apologize to you, the rest went by a blur because it happened so fast and Caleb wouldn't let you see it. (I mean you remember what happened to Viper right?)

He came back to you with that familiar smile that you love so much, "You called me your husband!!!" "Caleb, what the hell happened-" "Can you call me that again? Your husband? Say it again, please!"

[shadowfoxsilver]

There's this really cool thing that a handful of diaspora Palestinians have committed a lot of time and effort to called vetting (maybe you've heard of it?) in which they speak directly with a fundraiser holder face-to-face or over phone/video call to verify all portions of a fundraiser. There are so many posts [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] that talk about the details of this process to verify that a fundraiser organizer, recipient, and the details are correct by verifying legal documents like proof of residence, photo ID, fluency in Palestinian-Dialect Arabic, family tree constructions, etc.

These vetters have been posting about Palestinian/Gaza/Arab culture/Islam/etc. for a really long time, [1] [2] [3] (these are Wayback machine links to the tumblr accounts of 90-ghost, el-shab-hussein, & nabulsi before you start crying "but, you can post backdate on tumblr!") [4] (moayesh's Instagram because his tumblr is fairly new) meaning that they didn't just pop up after Oct 2023 to start posing as a qualified individual. They are real diaspora Palestinians with stories to tell and culture to share.

GFM also has strict requirements for withdrawing money, needing evidence of a bank account from a country they service and a solid way to transfer funds from that bank account to the recipient's bank account. If the funds are withheld from the intended recipient, that can be reported to and resolved by GFM.

If you're too overwhelmed by trying to distinguish between scams and real fundraisers, then whatever. That's your problem, not everyone else's. You don't need to publicly announce to everyone that you're too busy/tired/incompetent/ignorant to properly investigate fundraisers, so everyone else should stop supporting them as well. There are plenty of vetters and scam-busting blogs dedicated to helping people distinguish between real and fake.

Donating to established nonprofit aid organizations is absolutely a good deed and is much more straightforward, but it's not the only way to help. Especially with the repeated aid blockages, sometimes Ghazan families need a more direct flow of money to pay for the ridiculously inflated cost necessities (I recently received a video from Farah wherein she states that a bottle of dish soap cost $50. $50!!!!) as well as save up for evacuation costs once the Egyptian border crossing opens. (Thousands of dollars!)

With a few minor parts removed, here is a copy/pasted text that was originally in a reblog but now in its own post since the original account is gone. Links that didn’t work anymore have been left out. I figured it’d be useful for anyone who needs it.

[devosin]

GRIM ACCIDENTLY OUTING YOUR CRUSH ON HIM !! . . grim accidently blurting out how much you love the dorm head . .

gender neutral reader / fluff / crack taken seriously / mutual pinning

a/n: this has been rotting in my idea list for like over 2 years, enjoy! og account: @/cupids-chamber

MALLEUS DRACONIA

Malleus was surprised, when you had decided to tag along on his Gargoyle Study Club meeting, however he was ecstatic with the idea of you joining him, while he talked about his favorite things. Truly an exciting time, talking to his favorite person about his favorite things!

For once he didn't quite mind having no one at the meetings, because he got to spend time with you—and Grim . . he's there too . . In fact, Malleus kind of finds it endearing he stuck around this long with you, listening to him, despite clearly not being interested in the topic.

Malleus walked around, showing you his collection of gargoyles—explaining the extensive history of each one, and you listened, throughout his explanations which most people would find extremely boring, though seeing how passionate he was about the subject, you couldn't help but be engaged.

You followed along behind him, as he showed you each one, Grim on your shoulder, yawning rather loudly—clearly bored with the past hour, where you dragged him into Malleus's club meeting, which you passed off as a 'morale' thing to do—when he can clearly tell you did this because you liked him.

"Ah . . I have something I want to give to you"—Malleus shifted through the drawers, looking for the miniature gargoyles he had made for the both of you (well just you, he figured grim would appreciate something more . . edible . . he got tuna.).

Grim leans in closer to you, whispering rather loudly, so much so you knew Malleus could hear, "henchman, how much longer . . my whiskers are turning white here!!", he whispered all bit dramatically, and you sighed internally, mumbling a soft, "Grim not right now", in response.

After a few more moments of silence, Grim leaned back, and exclaimed, "You seriously like this guy, he likes gargoyles more then I like tuna—"

Grim paused, realizing he spoke a little more than he really should've. . . and Malleus paused, dropping whatever was in his hand to the floor, turning blankly at you, looking at you with a dumbfounded look on his face . . (he's processing, give him a minute.)

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

Riddle isn't the kind of person to intrude in a conversation, especially when he knows he isn't wanted there (debatable)—He also doesn't enjoy listening in on others private conversations . . However, this case is different, obviously he has the right to be curious when you're being so very loud, I mean practically everyone can hear you!

His heels clicked on the floors, as he raced through the halls—Riddle doesn't often find himself in a rush, but lunch had started 5 minutes ago, and he was running behind on his schedule.

His hands gripped his notes tightly, and just as he was about to make a turn, he heard his name . .—Riddle stopped in his tracks, looking around, in order to find the source of the noise, that's when he spotted you . . and grim, who was speaking rather loudly.

Now, Riddle swears he's not purposefully ease-dropping, but Grim was loud. . he was bound to overhear anyways! . . Well that's what he'll keep telling himself, in order to ease the guilt of listening in on your private conversations.

"Riddle?!" Grim exclaimed, waving his little paws around in shock, "out of everyone henchman, you like that—", you covered Grim's mouth with your hand, whispering loudly in response, "Why don't you tell the whole school I like Riddle, Grim?!?"

Riddle paused in response to that, 'you liked him? . . as in romantically? . .', Riddle loses his grip on his notes, in shock. Papers scattered the floor with a thud, and before Riddle could fix the mess he had accidently caused, you turned, and faced him . . This is gonna be one long confessio—conversation.

VIL SCHOENHEIT

See, Vil isn't the kind of person to believe in a rumor or petty gossip that he hears across the halls of Pomefiore, because if there's drama then Octavinelle and Pomefiore are the absolute first at the crime scene—He's well aware of how a small lie and a fake rumor can go and ruin someone's life, which is why Vil prefers information from the source.

That being said, Vil does enjoy gossip—and at time's he draws his own conclusion to a topic, and keeps it to himself, he's on the middle line of it all, but you bet, he'll 'coincidentally' overhear all the drama going on at your family reunion but don't worry, he's amazing with secrets. (Headcanon: he probably pretends not to like gossip, but still listens and reacts when Rook tells him what he overheard)

And this is why Vil couldn't help it but approach Grim when he heard him complaining begrudgingly to himself, about you kicking him out and making him run 'errands' . . which were more likely then not, a distraction.

"Oh it's nothing, henchman just needed privacy . . ya . .", Vil raises a brow, and Grim should've shut down, but when a can of good tuna got involved . . Well a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Grim took the can of tuna from Vil, "They're preparing a confession letter", Grim spoke and Vil couldn't help but feel a pang of betrayal at the revelation, how could they like someone else . . When he's breathing! (At least wait till he's cremated, like gosh . . So as long as his body exists, even if he's not breathing, you should love him frfr #hawkmothcore for the win) . .

"To who?", Vil asks, curiously, and Grim stares at him blankly, "I'll give you another can to go—" he offers, "Gimme it right now, and I'll tell ya'".

Vil sighs, handing him another can, "The letter is for ya', henchman likes you—".

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

Now normally, Leona could care less as to what goes on in the botanical garden, while he takes a nap there (mainly because he's too asleep to register his surroundings), because even with his acute sense of hearing, rarely anyone visits, and if they do, they only do so to take a break or catch a breather, or to just immerse themselves in the garden as a sort of escape, so it's usually all quiet and soothing, for the most part.

However, some days he wasn't so lucky, be it students randomly popping in so they could skip class, or to have a picnic, or that random couple, who thinks it'd be a cute and adorable idea to have a date in the botanical garden because no-one goes there, and it's so secretive and the mystery excites them. (he hates, he fucking hates it, he's the biggest hater there is, he despises all couples equally.)

Leona was all comfortable, half-asleep, his eyes were closed as he was ready to just get some shut-eye, sleep for a couple hours—until, he heard footsteps, rather loud ones . . Now, he normally doesn't care, and to be frank, he doesn't care right now, he figured they're taking a small stroll, and will stop . . eventually. (delusional king!!)

"Grim this is ridiculous—", Leona's ears perked up as he heard your voice, now that had his eyes wide open, looking around for you . . Well he's not that curious, as to what you find 'ridiculous' (he's very curious, he needs to know each detail, tell him everything), but he does hope you expand on it.

"C'mon henchmen! The best way to get over someone is confess and get closure?", Grim was confused himself, with whatever he was saying, "Oh yea Grim, which class did you learn that from, romance 101 with Crowley?—", Leona snorts.

"No actually I asked Trien!" Grim says . . a bit too confidently for comfort, "Grim . . I don't think you should be proud of that", you point out.

"Just tell Leona you like him? He's not gonna kill ya"

". . ." Leona froze, . . you liked him? I mean yea that makes sense, he's really attractive, but you—Liked him? . .

AZUL ASHENGROTTO

Azul states that he doesn't favor you that much—although the twins will argue otherwise, especially since Azul got you to taste test the new Monstro Lounge menu items, before he released it . . before even tasting it himself, . . and maybe he didn't want to let it slip that he liked you only—because he ended up also inviting Grim to taste the food with you—And with Crowley's payments . . well you were more than willing to accept free food.

To be fair, Azul is aware you do get a bit more special treatment, and deep-down he's well aware he likes you, but confronting his feelings? in this economy? . . not gonna happen . . He'd rather you assume he's a cat person who likes Grim, because clearly that's what you think of him, since he's so pretty and smart and good at covering his feelings. (He's not, he's boyfailing a little too close to the sun.)

Azul had everything set up—and by that he means, he had a plan and got other people to set it up for him, according to said plan, because he couldn't give away the fact that he had planned it himself, no . . that would make it seem like he was into you, and he'd rather die then you know that—In fact, he'd rather have his tentacles inked dry and cut off, fried and dipped in his ink, and shoved so far down his throat he chokes and dies before that even remotely comes close to happening.

You sat beside Azul, as he asked asked you about the food, and you gave responses that he mostly liked, . . well you did have some comments about the blue cheese rigatoni . . But to be fair, he entrusted the blue cheese to Floyd . .

Grim was half-way through his food, when he randomly spoke, with his mouth rather full, "This is amazing . . I can see why you like this guy henchman . .—" Azul paused and he practically stopped blinking, if his ears could perk up, then it would right now, "—for once your taste in men . . has good justification henchm—" Grim only paused when he recognized your glare, and only then did he realize how badly he fucked up . . "I'm not getting the good tuna for awhile . . am I?"

KALIM AL-ASIM

Kalim doesn't usually come in without an appointment (lies), or before informing you beforehand (lies on top of lies), and he doesn't really like invading your personal time (and lies again) . . at least not knowingly, but today was different . . he wanted to go somewhere with you! It's a surprise, and surely you'd appreciate him randomly popping into your dorm and dragging you outside, in the sunlight like an upstanding citizen and friend.

Kalim settles on the couch in the lounge of Ramshackle, stretching his arms out as he gets comfortable. All the while, Grim stares him down, . . something Kalim noticed off the get-go, "Why are you looking at me like that?", he calls out, confused and a tad bit unnerved at the blatant piercing stare.

"You're the one henchman likes, right? . .—what's your credit score? . . how many cans of tuna are we talking—"

Kalim paused, ". . . what?", he asks blankly, still paused at the first half of Grim's sentence, enough to not notice or take offense to the rest of his words and questions. "Why can't ya' hear me . . ?! I asked what's your credit scor—", grim responds, only to be cut-off mid-sentence by Kalim "BEFORE THAT!"

"That you're the person henchman lik—", Grim pauses as he hears your voice, and as you enter the room, Grim realizes his mistake, "Fuck."

"Kalim act natural!" Grim asks, as he goes back into his usual stance, but as he see's Kalim not moving, . . "who am I kidding . . no one can get shit through to ya' in one go . . I'm fucked."

IDIA SHROUD

Idia had his gaming equipment set up for two, well it would be three—but paws and controllers isn't the most fun thing to play around with, therefore Grim has opted to watching, instead of playing. Which he gets bored of rather fast, and well Ortho preferred to watch his older brother then play, or do normal kid things like advanced calculus.

Although Idia didn't really mind that, he enjoyed playing with you, because you were a really good challenge, a true gamer! . . And with newer games, he found that you listened and got the hang of it fast, and it was fun helping you grow your account on his favorite games, and it was also fun listening to you ramble about your favorite games from your world.

"So yea in genshin impact—", you rambled on and on about the Fontaine chapter, and about the 'archon' which was like the great seven, and how sad her storyline was, Idia dabbled in Lore from time to time, though he really found it amusing how you took the time to describe everything, you really helped immerse him in the storyline, and to be honest, sometimes he could imagine he was playing the game with you.

"—and then if you went into this specific area you could actually hear her cry . . OH oh! . . and when Neuvillette cried, it would like downpour so hard . . ", you continued rambling, and Idia would just listen, so much so that you guys completely forgot the game you were actually playing . . which seemed to upset Grim, who wanted to watch.

"Yea yea . . henchmen, we get it was sad, and it's fun talking to the love of your life—but could we please have more playing and less talking!", Grim explained rather dramatically, his paws flinging up, only to be silenced when he saw the two of you silent, looking at each other . . and then Idia's hair burst up in bright pink flames . .

commissions / discord server / (all open) commissions

@ devosin , do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work/theme without prior permission and or confirmation.

[everlastingserenitys]

POSIONOUS LOVEE

summ. oh no! the flower must’ve been infused with something else! now you both had to deal with each other.

featuring (separate). zayne, caleb cw. sex pollen, p in v, creampie, very needy men, some grammatical issues, kissing, NOT BASED OFF THE TRAILER!!!!, fingering, rocking chair oral sex (zayne), oral (f receiving from zayne), cunnilingus, public sex (caleb), 2k wc a/n. don’t mind my horny ass writing these 2 I'm sorry for no xav, raf, and sylus (thats for another time hehe) also the flowers have no significant meaning to them…totally

ZAYNE - JASMINE ݁˖ ❀ ⋆

"does it smell good?" zayne whispered, dangling the jasmine between both of your faces, the petals tickling against your nose for the second time already. you took another whiff, taking in the scent like it was your first time smelling it.

well, thats what it felt like. because this jasmine didn't smell like any usual jasmine zayne would give you.

you nodded and tried to lean in for more, but zayne pulled the flower back, placing it against his nose. you watched as he took a deep breath, letting the sweet aroma rush through him.

and suddenly, in a quick second, his eyes twisted from that dull look to something brighter, a glint of something you just couldn't tell what it was.

you bob your legs up and down and watch zayne's every move, your heart starts to thump louder and louder, the air in the room suddenly feels suffocating, your body is burning up.

god, what was in that flower?

you eyes darted from zayne's shaky look, to the flower still dangling around his fingers. he was feeling the same way too, and now since you both were on the same boat, you had to fix each other somehow.

before you could say anything, zayne got up from his seat and stumbled towards you, caging you with his arms as he stared down at you with a lustful look.

"I dont know what was in that flower, I swore I bought it off a safe si-"

you couldn't handle his voice anymore. your fingers slid against the collar of his shirt and you pulled him close to you, just being mere inches away from each other, his hot breath tickled against your skin and you looked up at him one more time before crashing your lips on his.

"I don't know what it was either," you mumble between kisses, pulling away and catching your breath to look at zayne's hungry stare.

"but it feels so good."

that caused a reaction out of zayne, cause the next thing you knew, you were getting pressed down against the chair, hard. the back of your shirt raising up as zayne slightly lifted you up on the chair.

the impact of the rocking chair was sending you into a spiral. your head kept hitting the back as the chair shook faster and faster. zayne's body weight pressed against you, and the rough leather of the chair scratched your back, you were too much in a daze to even process that zayne's lips already found its way to your neck.

he planted rough, desperate kisses along your neck, lightly nibbling on the skin, his breath was getting ragged, more louder, all you could do was slide your fingers around his neck and pull him closer than you could.

his warm skin made contact with yours and zayne pulled his head back to look up at you, desperation filled his eyes. you trace his jaw and lower your finger further down, staggering it finger against his adams apple.

a shaky breath escaped his lips and zaynes fingers grabbed onto your waist, toying with the waistband of your pants which were already slipping off.

“i’d never let myself near these types of things…” he mumbled, staring at your bare legs on display for him.

“i didn’t think it’d feel like this.” he said in a shaky voice, eyes rolling back at the impact of the aroma still lingering through your bodies, you can’t help but tilt your head back, bucking your hips forward.

zayne inched closer, his nose just lingering on your twitchy clit through your panties, he nuzzled his head deeper between your thighs and glanced up at you before darting his tongue on the wet lace.

you hold back a moan and watched as he practically was sucking out every juice out of you. his fingers—that had been caressing your sides the whole time, slid under your panties and he swiftly removed them.

his hands cup your knees and he slowly spreads your legs apart, taking his time with you like the day would last forever.

“d-do you know how long it—ngh?!”

zaynes tongue made its way back to your leaking cunt, he shoved himself deeper inside you, curling his tongue inside you, trying to hit every right spot.

“hey!” you moan, instinctively thrusting your hips deeper against him, causing the rocking chair to do more than just one thrust.

“hmm?” a groggily hum escaped zaynes lips as he continued his work on you, the drug had completely changed him and you, and fuck it felt like too much.

“zayne ‘m gonna-”

your chants filled the room and zayne kept his grip on your thighs, purposely ignoring every plea that’s escaping your lips, continuing to work his tongue against your already sensitive folds.

you slid your fingers through his hair and gripped on it like there was no tomorrow, a shaky moan left zaynes lips and you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“ah- sorry!” you mumble, lifting his head up to watch for his reaction but his face was the exact same. flushed, and his eyes were still filled with that glint of desire.

“it’s not often i ask this but…”

“hm?”

he let out a sigh and slid his fingers further down your legs, “more? i need it.”

CALEB - BLUE LOTUS ݁˖ ❀ ⋆

“it’s not often we go flower picking, pips.” caleb said, his voice laced with enthusiasm as he walked through the grassy meadows, hands brushing along every long stem that poked out the grass.

“yeaaahh, we’re totally going to find flowers in an area like this..” you say in a low voice, looking at the scenery around you.

there was nothing but grass, maybe a few flowers here and there but it just felt so empty, too empty to even find a decent flower around.

“c’mon have some hope, will ya?” caleb chuckled, grabbing onto your wrist as he started to jog along the path.

“wh- caleb!” you giggle as your legs quicken at the pace he was going at, and too caleb was just aimlessly running along the field.

a few minutes passed and the two of you got tired, neither of you had an idea where you were but the sounds of birds chirping nearby, and the smell of water nearby made you get an idea.

“this way caleb,” you point to a hidden path, covered by the grass and caleb’s gaze follows the direction where your finger was pointed.

he nodded and dragged you through the path. eventually, after walking for a bit you ended up at a beautiful pond, birds flying everywhere and this, this was where you could find nice flowers.

“caleb the pond has pretty flowers!” you walk over to the glistening area of water and sit along the edges, toying with the grass sticking out the water.

“pretty, right?” he said, picking up a flower from the pond and swirling it around his fingers, a small smirk rested on his lips before he pressed the flower against your nose, sifting it left and right.

the petals tickled your nose, you leaned in closer taking a quick smell of it…and it smelt sweet.

too sweet.

in a quick second, your mood changed, it was like you needed more. you lunged at the flower again and took a deep breath, letting the sweet pheromones rush through your body again.

“pips..?” caleb asked, a hint of amusement and curiosity filled his voice, he pulled the flower away from you and rested it against his nose, taking in the smell of the intoxicating flower.

“smells good..” he mumbled, taking more of the scent as he stared into your dazed eyes. you nod and lean in closer, both your lips being centimeters away from each other, it’s just the flower that was in the way.

you look at the flower and back at caleb whose eyes are locked on you. you rested your fingers on his hand that was holding onto the flower and subtly grazed your fingers along his hand, and soon, pushed the flower away.

the second the flower fell on the ground, caleb grabbed onto your face with fierce force and crashed his lips on yours, his tongue darting at the small open space between your lips.

he was devouring you.

devouring you like a fucking animal.

you didn’t realize that you both were on the ground, caleb’s hand rested on the back of your head as he continued pressing himself against you.

“what is this pipsqueak?” he mumbled, sliding his free hand along the curves of your body, soon making its way to the waistband of your pants, lightly tugging at it.

you let out a low hum and grab the flower, twirling it between your fingers as you stared at caleb who was already removing your pants, he was practically ripping them off like it was something he strived for survival.

once your lower half was exposed to Caleb, he slid a finger against your twitchy clit, rubbing and pressing on it, a wave of pleasure washed through you as you slightly lifted your hips, silently begging for more.

whatever it was doing this to you, felt too good, way too good. his fingers felt like it was the first time he's doing this to you. after a bit, Caleb pulled his fingers out, watching the mess drip down on the grass and on his fingers.

he lifted your legs above his shoulders and pressed himself against you. the rough fabric of his pants made contact with your exposed, leaking pussy and a spark of shock went through you.

Caleb continued to dry hump himself against you, to get the tension up but his hands were rejecting him to stay put, he slid a hand off your ankles and placed them on his belt, removing his pants in a quick movement.

"it feels good pipsqueak..." he mumbled, pulling out his cock and pressing his leaking tip against your stretched out cunt. you whine in response and Caleb pushed himself deep inside you without warning you.

"so good, it feels–ngh so, soo good"

whines and moans echoed through the secluded forest, there was no audience around but it felt like anyone could walk in by now. you nod repeatedly thrusting yourself deeper inside him, not caring that you're outside, the butterflies in your stomach started to beat faster and faster.

"gonna come..." Caleb groaned, grabbing onto your ankles tighter, as he thrusted himself deeper. the feeling of you getting filled up by him felt too good, he continued to fuck in your leaking pussy, drooling with his cum which was seeping out of you each thrust he gave.

Caleb grabbed onto the flower which was resting on your chest and gave it a quick smell, again. he then took his other hand off your leg and plucked each petal one by one, scattering it all over your body.

"im close ca-" before you could finish your sentence you felt his soft lips make contact with yours, except something was in the way. you winked open an eye and noticed the plucked out flower resting between the two of your lips.

"let it out..." he whispered between kisses, wrapping his hands around your neck as he pulled you closer than ever, letting you savour every second of this unexpected desire.

a/n. so sorry you could tell who the favorite was, I will practice on my zayne smut later

[mondaymelon]

₊⊹ 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒 ♡. | genshin!various x gn!reader

「 "𝐚𝐡, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐮𝐩…"」

— in which you kiss him ... accidentally, and indirectly.

𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 — kazuha, gaming, FREMINET, THOMA, KAVEH, chongyun, gorou

— "Ah, wrong cup."

It's a warm morning, yet the shade of the light canopy of trees provides ample comfort. At your words, however, the amicable conversation halts. Gingerly, you place his cup back on its saucer, uttering a quiet apology. "Sorry, sorry..."

Ugh, a quiet moment with someone you'd been pining after for ages, and you likely just sabotaged any chance you had. Making someone uncomfortable is surely not a way to have someone fall head over heels for you. You cautiously glanced upwards, catching the sight of... something you didn't expect...!?

He hid in his hand, raised and flush against his face. It was rather insufficient in the whole "hiding" department, however, for you could still clearly see the fluster on his features and the red cast across the tips of his ears. Just above the cover of his fingers were his eyes, hurriedly averted from yours. His mouth was slightly ajar, but in the moments that passed, his lips moved to form whispers you couldn't quite catch.

You stood, frantic. Really, every one of your plans was going awry. "I'm sorry! I, I'll go get you a new cup-"

"He caught his hand in his before you could fully depart, clutching it tightly. His usually cool skin was warm. "N, No, I- It's fine..."

He watched your face brighten with relief as you sat back down, completely cheery again, and released a breath quietly.

Ah, how was he supposed to tell you that the mere sight of your lips touching where he had put his made his heart skip a beat?

— It simply wasn't fair.

𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 — HEIZOU, KAEYA, CHILDE, venti, ayato, LYNEY

— "Wait, let me try..."

Word had gotten around of a new drink, supposedly "the best in all of teyvat"... naturally, that called for a timely visit. It didn't exactly matter who you went with, though who were you fooling, it did, and he'd been the first one that came to mind when you were drafting a letter. Now, he stood by your side, leisurely swinging his arms while he walked and smiling smugly.

The reason? The moment you reached into your pocket to fish out your wallet to pay the fee for two drinks, you'd found your pockets empty, and that's where he had swooped in, graciously handing over his mora instead. The moment the two of you exited the vicinity of the drink stall, however, he somehow materialized your wallet once more and placed it in your hands with a cat-like grin. That little... you'd be sure to treat him to a meal sometime soon, a favor like that couldn't just be gone unpaid.

...That, and it was a convenient excuse to spend another outing with him.

"Hey, you got the limited edition flavor? C'mon, give me just a sip..." You beamed when he handed said drink down towards you, taking a sip from his straw — until you realized just what you'd done, of course.

It wasn't like it was something dire, not by any means. You were rather the romantic, and the fact that... well, hadn't the two of you just kissed indirectly?

You didn't voice your thoughts, only meekly retreated after handing the bottle back to him, growing even more flustered when your fingers brushed against his in the process. He seemed to hear them, however, and a smirk made its way onto his lips.

"Oh, don't tell me you were aiming for an indirect kiss all along?"

"W- No!" Ugh, that twinkle in his eyes was dangerous. It's easy to see that he doesn't believe you in the slightest. Yet, before you can dispense another rebuttal, he reaches a hand up to your hair and makes a mess of it.

— "Aha, who knew you were so sly~"

𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓 — alhaitham, XIAO, albedo, diluc, neuvillette

— "Is something wrong?"

Well, not exactly "wrong", per se. Instead, there was definitely something wrong with you in particular.

The situation started off like any other would. You found the man in his usual place, and greeted him with a smile, to which he nodded in response. He was a busy person, so you'd decided to take the initiative and make him a boxed lunch, only planning to give it to him and then let him carry on with whatever tasks he needed to complete — only... hey, wasn't it too out of character of him to ask you to feed him??

He glanced up at you, his head subconsciously tilting to the side. Just with that simple movement, a figurative arrow struck your heart. "If it's too much trouble, nevermind-"

You awkwardly coughed into your fist, trying to disperse any awfully hopeful thoughts of "hey, isn't this so romantic!?" in your head — yearning for him was one thing, but projecting your imagination of him would be another entirely. "No, it's fine- I was just caught off guard, is all..." At this point, you were more so convincing yourself than him. You dipped your head in a nod to yourself. Of course, he was so swamped with duties that he couldn't spare the time to feed himself, that was the case, wasn't it?

"Here, open wide..." You took a portion of the food and lifted it up to his lips, and he ate it agreeably. Hamster. He's like a hamster, a thought you really shouldn't be having considering how his disposition was, but seeing him swiftly chewing the portion in his cheeks... you cleared your throat, only to flinch with a start upon realizing he'd taken the utensils from you. Now, he held some of the lunch up to you, gesturing it to your mouth.

"Eh, but this is for you-" You declined, yet the insistence in his gaze only grew.

"You brought it for me, so you should have some as well."

"Well... alright," not willing to bother with an argument you were not likely to win, you ate what he hovered before you gratefully, trying to ignore the way he was staring at you as you ate.

W, Wait, hold on, isn't that the same cutlery he used-

"Your face is red. Did you choke? Here, let me-"

"No, it's just that- we, just now- ah, it's nothing."

— "Mhm."

( a/n ) new post format and its silly ( i hate everything about this ) :stareyes: ahahah anyways. trying to revive myself so. you guys get ( poorly cooked ) food :>

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