#which i am... guessing... relates to the wintering theme... perhaps...

[hanzajesthanza]

it really does matter so much that fringilla vigo is nilfgaardian, beauclairoise, for many reasons, but let's start here:

her entire role is that of an illusionist; one which she would not be were it not for her family lineage, rooted in beauclair:

There was a corridor in Beauclair Palace, and at the end a chamber, the existence of which no one knew about. (...) The corridor and the chamber, disguised by a powerful illusion, were known only to the palace’s original elven builders. And later–when the elves had gone, and Toussaint became a duchy–to the small number of sorcerers linked to the ducal house. Including Artorius Vigo, a master of magical arcana and great specialist in illusions. And his young niece, Fringilla, who had a special talent for illusions.

and since her talent in illusions is well-defined in the series, as it is her who grants geralt the very silver-mounted chrysoprase amulet which saves his life in the final fight against vilgefortz:

Geralt clenched Fringilla’s medallion in his fist. The bar fell with a clang, striking the floor a foot from the Witcher’s head. Geralt rolled away and quickly got up on one knee. Vilgefortz leaped forward and struck. The bar missed the target again by a few inches. The sorcerer shook his head in disbelief and hesitated for a second. (...) ‘I didn’t know …’ Yennefer said at last, scrambling out of a pile of rubble. She looked terrible. The blood trickling from her nose had poured all over her chin and cleavage. ‘I didn’t know you could cast illusory spells,’ she repeated, seeing Geralt’s uncomprehending gaze, ‘capable even of deceiving Vilgefortz.’ ‘It’s my medallion.’ ‘Aha.’ She looked suspicious. ‘A curious thing...’

that talent is something which cannot, by far, be separated from her character. and returning back to her lineage, it is again her familial relations which place her in beauclair.

she was positioned there, ready to intercept geralt, as early as the autumnal equinox in september, by which time geralt had barely just left the town of riedbrune:

The world over, the autumn Equinox was a night of spectres, nightmares and apparitions, a night of sudden, suffocating awakenings, fraught with menace, among sweat-soaked and rumpled sheets. Neither did the most illustrious escape the apparitions and awakenings; (...) In the huge castle of Montecalvo the sorceress Philippa Eilhart leaped from damask sheets, without waking the Comte de Noailles’ wife. The dwarf Yarpen Zigrin in Mahakam, the old witcher Vesemir in the mountain stronghold of Kaer Morhen, the bank clerk Fabio Sachs in the city of Gors Velen and Yarl Crach an Craite on board the longboat Ringhorn all awoke more or less abruptly. The sorceress Fringilla Vigo came awake in Beauclair Castle*, as did the priestess Sigrdrifa of the temple of the goddess Freyja on the island of Hindarsfjall.

* Slight correction - As explained in Chapter 3 of Lady of the Lake, Beauclair is not a castle, but a palace.

and she's only invited to beauclair in such a capacity because she is a relative of the duchess:

‘I’m in Beauclair because the largest, best-stocked library in the known world is here. Apart from university libraries, naturally. But universities are jealous of giving access to their shelves, and here I’m a relation and good friend of Anarietta and can do as I wish.’

(whom, you may note, she stands by and jointly receives geralt with at their first meeting, and participates in the festival of the vat with)

and therefore, she was in a perfectly strategic position to delay geralt, keep him captive:

‘(...) Please at least tell us … has the Witcher calmed down now? Are you capable of keeping him in Toussaint at least until May?’ (…) ‘No,’ she answered at last. ‘Probably not until May. But I’ll do everything in my power to keep him here as long as possible.’

because fringilla is not just an illusionist literally, as in the magic she is naturally gifted at, but 'illusionist' is her entire identity as a character.

and as her family hails from beauclair, this specific identity is compounded with the fact that beauclair itself is the center of illusions, a dreamland, a fairytale:

‘There’s something bewitched about this place, this fucking Toussaint. Some kind of charm hangs over the whole valley. Especially over the palace (...) no two ways about it, there’s something bewitched about this bloody Toussaint.’

fringilla is an illusionist because she is beauclairoise. she not only hails from a long line of illusionists, but hails from, is related to the ruler of, the very city of illusions and dreams.

she is the illusionist not just in a literal sense, but in the entire narrative role of casting an illusion over our hero, because it is the illusion of love which keeps her and geralt in beauclair. (the tricky trick is that geralt, taking a page out of yennefer's playbook of seduction, cleverness, patience, was able to cast an illusion upon the mistress of illusions herself, free himself from the witch's spell, awake from a pleasant dream to face the harsh reality).

(sighs) and even if you want to forget fringilla's beauclairoise identity and erase her entire positioning as the illusionist which poses a threat to our heroes, entices them to complacency, her role as nilfgaardian in the sense of her academic identity and imperial service also defines her.

because it is also fringilla, the illusionist who casts the wool over people's eyes... who blinded yennefer at sodden hill.

‘We’ve already met,’ Yennefer spoke again. ‘I don’t recall,’ Fringilla said without looking away. ‘I’m not surprised. But I have a good memory for faces and figures. I saw you from Sodden Hill.’ ‘In which case there can be no mistake,’ Fringilla Vigo said and raised her head proudly, sweeping her eyes over all those present. ‘I was at the Battle of Sodden.’ (...) ‘Occasionally one happens to see another person for only a split second, right before going blind, and one takes a dislike to them instantly.’ ‘Oh, enmity is considerably more complicated,’ Fringilla said, squinting. ‘Imagine someone you don’t know at all standing at the top of a hill, and ripping a friend of yours to shreds in front of your eyes. You neither saw them nor know them at all, but you still don’t like them.’ ‘So it goes,’ Yennefer said, shrugging. (...)

fringilla's (proud!) participation at the battle of sodden is a crux of the lodge, because she alongside her good friend, the scholarly assire, they are nilfgaardians who, owing to their nationality, find challenges meshing with the northern sorcereresses. the lodge brought together representatives of magic across nationalities in the midst of a raging, bloody war between them all.

and it's so integral to fringilla's character that she has imperial biases, that she approaches even the international lodge with an imperialist view.

with no factual basis, she initially exotifies and sexualizes the northern sorceresses, despite her own prior denial of these base stereotypes:

Fringilla Vigo was putting on a brave face, but she was anxious and stressed. She herself had often reprimanded young Nilfgaardian mages for uncritically yielding to stereotypical opinions and notions. She herself had regularly ridiculed the crude image painted by gossip and propaganda of the typical sorceress from the North: artificially beautiful, arrogant, vain and spoiled to the limits of perversion, and often beyond them. (...) Her untrammelled imagination offered up images of impossibly gorgeous women with diamond necklaces resting on naked breasts with rouged nipples, women with moist lips and eyes glistening from the effects of alcohol and narcotics. In her mind’s eye Fringilla could already see the gathering becoming a wild and depraved orgy accompanied by frenzied music, aphrodisiacs, and slaves of both sexes using exotic accessories.

she even has a difficult time understanding why the northern sorceresses are upset about the nilfgaardian invasion, believing it to be a boon to their society. only through their discussion does she just barely begin to grasp the meaning of "invasion" and why she wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it:

Some were clearly anxious about the close proximity of Nilfgaard. Fringilla had mixed feelings. She had assumed that such educated people would understand that the Empire was bringing culture, prosperity, order and political stability to the North. On the other hand, though, she didn’t know how she would have reacted herself, were foreign armies approaching her home.

all of this indoctrination into imperial beliefs, at the same time that she is an educated woman, and herself, as an imperial sorceress, known for being rebellious and an upstart within her own culture:

‘Stop staring,’ Assire said, touching her bouffant and glistening curls. ‘I decided to make a few changes. Why, I just took your lead.’ ‘I was always taken as an oddball and a rebel,’ Fringilla Vigo chuckled. ‘But when they see you in the academy or at court…’

this is such a chaotic rambling post, but all i want to say is that fringilla's character, like most of the minor characters in the witcher series, was not invented through random generation, a roll of the dice, a spin of the wheel. her specific traits - such as her nationality, lineage, talents - all relate back thematically. everything is relevant, specifically chosen to create a specific character.

if once changes her backstory (e.g., to place her at aretuza... though i don't know who would do such a thing for no reason) they would change her entire character, the series' commentary on imperialism, and because of her role she takes later on, even the entire ending of the story.

[kenkamishiro]

Jack Jeanne Playthrough Part 3 (April 5)

1 month later. April 5th in the VN. Kisa is at Univeil and excited she passed the entrance exam. She runs into her childhood friend Yonaga who's also been accepted. He's shocked that Kisa is attending too, but before she can explain Suzu joins them, introduces one each other.

Quartz's theme is "transparency" where many inexperienced performers who haven't specialized yet tend to go.

Onyx = Jacks whose forte is in dance.

Rhodonite = Jeannes who specialize in song.

Amber is where talented and unique students gather.

Suzu theorizes Kisa would be in Rhodonite because of her appearance, himself in Onyx because his physical abilities make him more suitable for dancing than singing or acting. Yonaga would like to be in Quartz.

Yonaga: Quartz...would be nice.

Suzu: I get what you mean!

Yonaga: Huh?

Suzu: Tbh I enrolled in Univeil cause I really admire Tachibana Tsuki, the legendary Jackace of Quartz!

Kisa: ...!

Suzu: That's why I wanna be in the same class as Tachibana Tsuki...come to think of it, your last names are the same.

Kisa: (If people find out I'm related to Tsuki-nii, it might make it even easier for them to discover my identity...! But it might be better than lying poorly...)

Kisa: It's true. It's the same (nonchalantly)

Yonaga: ......

Suzu: Maybe you guys are distant relatives!

Kisa: *nervous laughter*

Yonaga cuts in and says they should go check which class they're in. Kisa thanks Yonaga for the save. Their year is the 78th class of Univeil. All 3 are in Quartz.

Kisa gets called to the headmaster's office.

Chuuza congratulates her and informs her about her admission. The only ones who know that Kisa is a girl is him, Quartz's homeroom teacher Enishi Rokurou, and now Yonaga, Kisa's childhood friend. Chuuza is surprised that someone who knew about Kisa enrolled in the school.

But if anyone else finds out that she's a girl, expulsion. But since a lot of students are feminine, she won't have to go out of her way to act and dress like a boy. He reminds her to build trust with the rest of the students, and aim to become a lead and aim for the top.

Kisa arrives to Quartz's homeroom late.

??: Yes, yes, come right in.

Kisa: (The teacher...? But he's in a student uniform.)

??: You were called in quite loudly during the school announcements. Did you run into any issues on the first day? Theft, robbery, manslaughter, extortion, coercion, or a bank robbery, perhaps...?

(Please watch the clip of this scene. Can you tell he and Furuta share the same VA? 😄)

Fumi: No one like that would be in our school, Kuro.

??: But wouldn't be great to have such a plucky 1st year around, Fuumin! All the world's a stage!

Fumi: And, if the cops came?

??: I concede! Law is what keeps society together.

Kai: ...you two are bothering the 1st years.

Kisa finds a seat by Suzu and Yonaga.

Neji Kokuto (3rd year, 76th class of Univeil) welcomes the 1st year students to Univeil and Quartz. Class leader-slash-scriptwriter-slash-director-slash...all kinds of other things! He provides an info-dump about Univeil for us.

5 performances in total: Rookie, Summer, Fall, Winter, and Univeil Exhibitions. The Rookie Exhibition is where the 1st years take the lead roles, which is going to be held May 30th. Today is April 5th, so less than 2 months remain. Most viewers will watch over them warmly,  but others will be more strict, like journal reporters, critics and avid Univeil fans. Neji will write a script to allow even novices like them to shine on stage. Casting will be announced mid-April. Upper years are also participating and support the 1st years.

Neji: If you have any questions, all you need is to ask. I'm sure all our seniors here will be more than happy to help you.

??: What, no way.

Neji: With some exceptions of course! Mwahaha. Mikki's a 2nd year now, you can be a little nice to your juniors, hm?

??: ...

Kisa notes he looks cute like a doll. Shirota Mitsuki, noted for his singing. He catches Kisa staring at him, and she apologizes.

Neji asks if anyone has any questions. You're given 3 options: 1) How casting is determined, 2) Type of training to be done, 3) No questions.

Casting is based on Neji's subjective judgment. Everything from how they're doing in lessons, campus life, the way they walk, talk, physique, voice, facial expressions. Essentially based on his intuition, which he uses to find gemstones in the rough.

Training I'll explain later, there's gameplay related to it.

Neji finishes his spiel and passes it on to Quartz's homeroom teacher, Enishi. Pretty low energy. Lessons start tomorrow. Class is dismissed.

Suzu meets Kisa outside the Quartz dorms and asks if she's ready to introduce herself to the other students. He notes it's hard to find people since Univeil is so large. They chat for a bit, Suzu asks Kisa to call him by his first name, so Suzu-kun it is.

Inside Yonaga's dorm. He's finished unpacking, though he's still yet to put away his books (on theatre). He asks how Kisa got into Univeil, and she explains what happened. Yonaga says he'll help Kisa to make sure she stays at Univeil. He's glad that Kisa is here with him.

Yonaga: Kisa-chan, about Tsuki-kun...

Kisa: I can't get in touch with Tsuki-nii, but I'm sure he's doing fine wherever he is. 

Yonaga: I see. Yeah, I'm sure he is.

(Isn't that sketchy? Maybe he turned into that weasel with the moon on its belly lol)

Kisa begins her search for the Quartz students. At the Univeil courtyard, Kisa hears Mitsuki singing.

"Within this chest of mine I dance, the rhythm of possibilities"

Kisa: (I'd heard he was lauded for his singing, but he really has a beautiful voice...the lyrics paint the scene in my head.)

Mitsuki: ...could you not stare at me like that? It's uncomfortable.

Kisa: Oh, I'm sorry!

Mitsuki: Oh, you again. The 1st year who came in late.

Kisa: Yes. My name is Tachibana Kisa. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Mitsuki: Huh...you've got a face like a girl.

Kisa: Eh? Y-yes, I suppose so.

Mitsuki: A high-pitch voice. A delicate figure. And a Jeanne at that. At least be aware of your own features.

Kisa: I-I'm sorry.

He sighs and introduces himself. 2nd year, 77th class of Univeil. A Jeanne and a tresor (songstress/diva) of Quartz. VA is Kajiwara Gakuto (Asta). Kisa compliments him on his singing.

Mitsuki: So you were eavesdropping.

Kisa: I-I'm sorry.

Mitsuki: Well, not like I care either way. Later.

Kisa: He left...I guess he doesn't really like interacting with people. But his voice really was beautiful.

(If I had to describe Mitsuki's tone, it would be similar to Kenma, but a bit more antisocial lol)

Kisa finds Kai in the forest, seemingly concentrating on something. She decides to come back later, but Kai notices her.

Kai: ...? Quartz's 1st year?

Kisa: Yes! I'm Tachibana Kisa.

Kai: I see, you're...

Kisa: Yes!

(awkward silence between the two)

Kai: Mutsumi Kai, 76th class of Univeil. I'm a 3rd year.

Kisa: So I should call you Mutsumi-senpai!

Kai: Kai is fine. You can call me that around other people too.

Kisa: But...

Kai: ...

Kisa: ...(agrees)

Kai: ...

Kisa: T-then, I'll call you Kai-san!

Kai: Okay.

Kisa notes Kai is the Jackace of Quartz. And since Tsuki was also the Jackace, that means he must be talented too.

Kai: I'm a vessel meant to garnish the Aljeanne. Nothing more, nothing less.

Kisa is confused by his statement. Convo ends.

Kisa runs into Neji next in the hallways. He enters a room then promptly comes back out.

Neji: Welcome!

Kisa: Ah!

Neji: What're you doing in a place like this?

Kisa: I'm going around introducing myself to everyone in Quartz.

Neji invites her into his workroom where he writes his scripts and plans his staging. But he also performs on stage, any male or female role, from a shining prince/princess to old grannies/gramps.

He's currently working on the script for Quartz, but he won't reveal it just yet. Kisa asks if the other class leaders write the scripts like he does, but Neji is a special case, who screenwrites, directs and performs.

Neji: Once you get carried away, you can't see what's going on around you. What we do has no end to it. Acting, dancing, singing, they're fields that you can pursue for a lifetime. You could reach the stars, or merely end up as a master of none. No matter how much time,  it will never be enough. It's a terrifying world out there. That's why it's so engrossing. The stage is a colossal device. The Jacks and Jeannes make up the gears, and I am the craftsman who pieces them together. Let's create a fantastic stage together, Tachibana-kun!

Neji must continue writing, and wishes Kisa the best for the Rookie Exhibition. (Neji definitely talks the most out of the main cast lol. And fast too, talks a mile a minute and tone varies hugely)

Kisa finds Fumi standing languidly in the middle of the dance room, taking deep breaths before beginning to dance. A Japanese-style dance where his movements are gentle, beautiful and brilliant. He comments on Kisa staring intently at him, just like during the entrance exam.

Kisa is surprised that Fumi remembered, despite the number of applicants.

Fumi: I remember you and the red-haired guy well cause you two danced so terribly.

Kisa: Oh...

Fumi: I'm just kidding. Though the red-haired guy really did suck.

Kisa introduces herself, and Fumi pauses at hearing the name Tachibana. 3rd year Takashina Sarafumi, 76th class of Univeil, but he prefers being called Fumi, no senpai honorific attached. Kisa ends up calling him Fumi-san.

Fumi: Let's have fun, Kisa. (leaves)

Kisa: It's overwhelming seeing him up close. So that's the power of an Aljeanne.

Kisa goes to her room excited for her new life at Univeil and retires for the night for her 1st day of classes tomorrow.

＊＊＊

previous || next (to be updated)

[kjissexy1994]

WORDS OF SHAKESPEARE: ALBUMS OF SUCKAGE: Limp Bizkit-Results May Vary

The year was 2001, Nu Metal was riding high with bands such as Alien Ant Farm with their cover of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal,” Linkin Park had a dynamic debut with Hybrid Theory and of course Jacksonville’s Red capped dynamos Limp Bizkit were still breathing in the success of their third album suggestively titled “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water” with tracks such as “My Generation,” “Boiler” and of course “Rollin (Air Raid Vehicle)” famously used as the entrance theme of legendary professional wrestler The Undertaker in the WWE (then known as WWF) during 2001 when he had the guise of the “American Badass” biker gimmick, but however with Limp Bizkit still embroiled with the controversy over the crushing and death of 15 year old Jessica Michalik during their infamous set at the 2001 Big Day Out Festival in Sydney and the Announcement of guitarist and heart and soul of the group, Wes Borland parting ways with the band to focus on side projects and his other band “Big Dumb Face,” left Fred Durst to pick up the pieces to record their fourth album.

As the band went through six guitarists during recording of the album (including Fred Durst and Bassist Sam Rivers) They went on a nationwide search for a new guitarist with the “Put Your Guitar Where Your Mouth Is” competition, Limp Bizkit then settled with former Snot guitarist Mike Smith and recorded a number of songs for the album which went through name changes with “Bipolar,” “Panty Sniffer,” “Less is More,” “The Search for Teddy Swoes,” before ultimately going with the generic and subtle “Results May Vary.”

Most of the songs recorded with Smith were cut due to executive meddling by Durst and it showed resulting in a depressing puerile mishmash of heavy and bleak tracks.

This album received a massive tonne of negative reception when it was released in September of 2003 after numerous delays, being ranked in at number 3 as the lowest scored album behind “Playing with Fire” by Kevin Federline. It was even being touted by some people as the album that “killed Nu Metal” which is a genre I loathe entirely as it was in a deep decline during that year.

Let’s go in the deep hole of RMV to hear why this album goes into the mantle of an “Album of SUCKAGE.”

RE-ENTRY

The intro track consists of a circus barker yelling to a kid (voiced by Fred Durst) for sixty seconds explaining about Limp Bizkit as “the most ferociously soothing ways of sonic communication to ever be created”

Okay, so I guess they were trying to copy the “Insane Clown Posse” here?

Then it bursts in a generic rock riff with Fred Durst telling people that all around the world knows him, slowing down and fading out with a drum beat... that’s it.

I mean, I was expecting the guitar riff to build up to something exciting instead of this. I know it’s only an intro, but I do know that it’ll go down hill from here on followed by the first single of this album known as...

EAT YOU ALIVE

This song running for four minutes is outright disturbing, the lyrics, the main chorus even the music video featuring Fred Durst kidnapping Thora Birch in a forest, spraying her with gasoline and screaming into a megaphone to her whilst the band plays! The lyrics consists of Durst singing about wanting a girl to look at him and having a strong desire to “sniff her panties?” *VOMITS!* If you ever said those lyrics to a girl that you love in real life, she would immediately break up with you and be warranted a restraining order. The drums and bass sound generic and the guitar work tries to build this up as some sort of a fight song which immediately fails to do so...this was also the first single of this album. THIS WAS THE FIRST SINGLE OF THIS ALBUM...I am not making this up, why on earth would Limp Bizkit release this as the first single of this album, not to mention getting a disturbing music video?

Ugh...

GIMME the Mic

This track is just another generic Nu Metal sounding track, the guitars sound very pungent in aggression but the rest of the instruments deliver nothing. The main hook is heavily sampled from Eric B and Rakin’s Microphone Fiend, later covered by Rage Against The Machine (which I kind of dislike due to their political beliefs) On their posthumous “Renegades” covers album as Limp Bizkit are downright infamous for sampling hooks such as the main chorus of Nine Inch Nails’

“Closer” for their expletive laden song titled “Hot Dog” on “Chocolate Starfish”. Add in Durst’s trademark whiny anger, pathetic song writing and rapping and you have a stinky sounding Nu Metal song that can be made on a “Nu Metal Band Maker” software. Aggressive generic riffs, whiny angry lyrics, fake b-grade angst: profit!

No wonder why that this album and the cover song that I’ll get to later on is one of the factors that killed mainstream Nu Metal in 2003! Next!

UNDERNEATH THE GUN

This song is the first in the number of songs that Fred shows his singing ability and it just sounds absolutely bland and Monotonous. The instruments such as Sam Rivers on the drums and the chords on the guitar have very good delivery and build up in the bridge, but it just sounds absolutely hindered with Fred trying to stay awake singing a song about “suicide and the struggle you have when ending your life becomes an option” with such a dull melody and it goes on for almost six minutes...I mean why did many red Yankees cap wearing Limp Bizkit fans fall for buying this album? The sad sad fact that it sold more copies than any Motörhead albums baffles me extremely. Our god Lemmy must be turning in his grave...

DOWN ANOTHER DAY

Jesus tap dancing Christ, we go from Fred’s whiny anger fuelled tirades to another mellow monotone delivery about our hero singing about missing his summer love (presumably Britney Spears during his somewhat extremely messy affair during the recording of “In the Zone”) and having to deal with the next winter. The lyrics in the main chorus and bridge are repetitive as hell and the instruments are just nearly nonexistent with little or no effort, not to mention that this song is also plagued with very pathetic songwriting...just garbage time indeed...

ALMOST OVER

Yet another extremely repetitive track, explaining Durst’s life from growing up learning how to rap, taking a lot of crap, and being treated as a clown as a little boy to learning how to lose and getting treated as a clown as an older man. Fred rhymes the end of the verses with the words “Little Boy,” and “Older Man” 16 times and the word “Baby” 19 times, totalling up to 51 times!

Another song wrecked by abysmal songwriting from the red capped turd himself, The instruments are getting worse with every track sounding more and more generic with little or no build up, which is sad because Sam Rivers, John Otto and Mike Smith are such good musicians but are being hindered heavily due to Durst’s whiny vocals...the next track should be good, can it?

BUILD A BRIDGE

Ehhh...okay, this song has a bog standard melody and instruments with such a strong build up in the bridge but it’s passable at least, this song features Brian “Head” Welch from KoRn who is a very talented guitarist and perhaps one of the only Nu Metal bands I can tolerate listening to, but his ability is kind of wasted here due to Durst’s sub par ability to sing, not to mention these are one of the songs rumoured to be impulsively directed to Britney Spears. Imagine being one of the guitarists of one of the bands that invented the “Nu Metal” genre only to record a song about being involved with one the most popular pop singers of the time of release?

“LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!” - Chris Croker, 2007

RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT (Featuring Snoop Dogg)

Another Rap/Hip Hop duet with one of the biggest rap/ hip hop legends, and still it’s repetitive as hell despite the funky beat from DJ Lethal as well as Snoop Dogg calling Fred Durst his “nephew” with the lyric “Snoop dogg is in the place to see, do it with my nephew Freddy d.”

You have no relation with this pile of gutter trash whatsoever!!!

This song is attempting to repeat the success with “N 2 Gether Now” featuring Method Man four years earlier in “Significant Other” but it fails massively with Fred’s lyrics in the first and third verses ending with “Baby” 25 times with the same word repeated 10 times in the main chorus totalling up to 35 times. I would be ashamed to have been Snoop to record a duet with who used to be one of the biggest people in music during Limp Bizkit’s popularity from 1999-2001 not to mention rapping a duet to call him his “nephew!”

The bonus track “Take It Home” which heavily samples the song “Milk and Honey” by Bonnie Dobson is another sub par effort having Fred repeat the lyric “Crying Myself To Sleep” whilst DJ Lethal jams....NEXT!

THE ONLY ONE

Mike Smith is trying to do an acceptable riff or two which I praise for but the effort is just completely wasted, this song is just another whinge-fest with lyrics about using terms of having sex and making out such as “first base” (again presumably directed to Britney) but it just sounds absolutely whiny and generic with Fred singing with heavily instrumentation behind him as he repeatedly screaming the word “NOTHING!” Towards the end and it just ends after that.

Such a putrid mess...

Oh and the lyric “It’s No Big Deal?”

It is a big deal when you’re trying to record a follow up to your previous multi platinum when your most talented member leaves and you have to pick up the pieces with six guitarists, two being yourself and Sam Rivers.

LET ME DOWN

“Let Me Down” has a lot of effort but has simple and dull instrumentation and Durst sounds a lot better than the previous tracks, but however the lyrics are very iffy such as “Heartbreak is a Headache, like a toothquake or an earthquake” “Spontaneous Combustion leaves a taste that’s so disgustin’” and “Rumours are Tumours?” Whilst this song is somewhat passable it’s still coming from a 33 year old at the time whining about life and struggles.

LONELY WORLD

Another song about Fred Durst, whining about his past life such as hating high school with bullies trying to put him down as well as making out with his gothic girlfriend out in the creek whilst his mother was asleep along with gross lyrics such as “Just a little skater boy they could pick on

I learned to forgive 'em

Now I got the balls they can lick on”

Jesus Christ Fred! You were 33 years old at the time of release! Just do us a favour and grow up at least. The main chorus and bridge is still very tedious repeating the main title of the song in a total of 37 times. Un-fucken-believable!

PHENOMENON

After what would’ve been an extremely energetic guitar intro from Mike Smith, The band just slams on the breaks with our hero Fred introducing himself as “the incredible, subliminal, the INFREDIBLE D.”

Here we go again with copy, pasting and editing lyrics of other music groups songs and claiming them your own (the song being Bring the Noize with Anthrax featuring Public Enemy).

The main chorus has a lot of effort but the verses, consisting of Fred Durst’s cruisy rapping,

Not to mention the section after the bridge references “Pollution” from their debut album from 1997 “Three Dollar Bill Y’all” which contains the lyric “Gonna Bring that beat back” which is perhaps the only good album from the band themselves (apart from that Faith cover).

“Phenomenon” is just a ratty mishmash of heavy instrumentation in the main chorus and laidback rapping from Fred in the verses.

CREAMER (RADIO IS DEAD)

Another song with Fred Durst taking an aim against the haters proclaiming “Take a look at me now I’m Mr Worldwide and you’re nothing!” But it contains such sucky lyrics and rhymes such as “Mr Halitosis-of the Breath” and verses and the main chorus such as “Hateraid”, and “rolling dice and getting laid” respectively. Fred also believes that “Radio is Dead. Why’s that? Because many radio stations worldwide won’t play your shoddy music anymore? (Unlike Triple M that continues the play that song in two tracks time) plus what’s with the title “Creamer?” A Frank reference to ejaculation? A quick fact, A massive portion of the song was recycled from Limp Bizkit’s unfinished cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Relax” which was intended to be in the Ben Stiller movie “Zoolander” hence the title being in the second verse” and Fred Durst’s “blink and you’ll miss it” cameo in the aforementioned movie. Ben Stiller is his “favourite motherfucker” after all.

HEAD FOR THE BARRICADE

An energetic, aggressive fight song against bullying which blatantly references the 1999 Columbine High School shooting in the intro, not paying respect to the victims? How fucking low is that? This song also heavily borrows the refrain “Stick Em, Ha Ha Ha Stick Em!” From The Fat Boys song titled “Human Beatbox” for the main chorus which most of the album and previous albums before it samples lyrics from other songs. Another lyric that catches my ear is “The World can make you sick to your stomach so I put on my headphones and listen to the “Deftones.”

Yeah, I’d rather listen to a huge dose of Deftones after listening to this pile of puke.

I praise the guitar work and build up from Mike Smith which shows his full potential in this song as his talent was heavily wasted in this album, but I still criticise this song for deliberately referencing the shooting tragedy at Columbine High School with no respect to the victims families. You’ve just damaged your reputation with this song in this album Fred, oh wait...it’ll be damaged even further with the next track....

Now we’re getting to the “shitty gritty” of this album...one of the...most disrespectful covers...that still gets played on Triple M seventeen years after it’s original release...and what cemented its place as the cover song that signalled the death of mainstream Nu Metal...

*WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE USED HEAVILY*

BEHIND BLUE EYES (THE WHO COVER)

*VIOLENTLY VOMITS INTENSELY*

WHERE DO I FUCKING BEGIN WITH THIS PILE OF MONKEY SHIT?

This cover of a classic rock ballad from The Who, one of my favourite rock bands of all time from my favourite albums “Who’s Next” is just indescribably DISRESPECTFUL, PUTRID AND WEAK AS PISS!!! Complete from the non existent sampled guitar work, Fred Durst’s inability to sing with his monotonous delivery of vocals and the dreary sound effects in the main chorus sounding like when you turn on a Sony PlayStation 2.

There is absolutely NO EMOTION in this cover at all! In the original version from The Who, Roger Daltrey sings this song with heavy emotion plus he sounds very angry in the bridge section. And where is the bridge section in this cover exactly? Oh...it’s replaced with a Speak N Spell, A FUCKING SPEAK N SPELL saying “Discover” and spelling “L.I.M.P” part of their terrible band name that’s named after a disgusting sex game in Britain, not to mention, Fred’s statement that he’s not telling lies is another stealthy direction to Britney Spears FOR FUCKS SAKE! I thought that I was hearing a demo version of song containing the section with the Speak N Spell during the instrumental break and Fred whining about “being sorry and not telling lies” would be a placeholder recorded before Mike Smith joined hoping that they would record a much more aggressive, rap heavy version of the bridge from the original but nope! They apparently released this absolute joke of a cover as it is! Was it really such an absolutely bright idea to bastardise such a classic “The Who” song from one of my favourite albums of all time? At least Faith No More knew what they were doing when they recorded their cover of Lionel Richie and The Commodores’ “Easy” on the rerelease of “Angel Dust.” Surely a verse was absent in that cover, but at least it was slightly faithful to the original version. (Still makes me sick that Limp Bizkit opened up for FNM during their American leg of the “Album of the Year” tour in September and October of 1997.) Did you know that song also got an awful music video to promote the 2003 movie Gothika (which this song appeared in) where Fred Durst tongue wrestles Halle Berry in a Psychiatric Ward?

The fact that this was the second single from this neanderthalic mess of an album, charting in at number 4 on the Aria Charts in 2003/04 not to mention being overplayed on mainstream radio stations such as Triple M to prove that Limp Bizkit had a soft side makes me undesirably sad to this very day...

Truely such a horrible cover song in rock, and don’t get me started on that cover of George Michael’s “Faith” that is the same level of absurdity of this song.

The song features another bonus track titled “All That Easy” featuring another monotonous delivery of lyrics with a simple beat from DJ Lethal...it just sounds like a song from a dollar shop Massive Attack...

DROWN

The final track on this album is yet another sad, mellow, monotonous melody from Fred complete with the repetitive chords from his guitar (one of the few songs to feature Fred playing guitar prior to Mike Smith joining the band). There’s nothing to describe about the half asleep sounding lyrics but it’s just absolutely sluggish at best and just another garbage time track to end this massive garbage fire of an album.

FINAL VERDICT ON WHY THIS TAKES THE TITLE OF THE ALBUM OF SUCKAGE

“Results May Vary” is nothing but an album filled with monotonous, lyrically repetitive songs, mostly directed to Britney Spears for being left out of writing for “In the Zone” as well as stated by on and off again guitarist Wes Borland as “Fred Durst’s solo project.” A massive chunk of songs were cut from this album such as “Crack Addict” which was performed live at WWE Wrestlemania 19 in Seattle earlier that year in 2003, “Just Drop Dead,” another bloody song directed to Britney Spears which appeared as a B-Side of “Behind Blue Eyes, “Why”, Lean on Me,” and their double cover of “Home Sweet Home and Bittersweet Symphony” originally performed by Motley Crüe and The Verve respectively, the latter three songs being put on the “Greatest Hitz” compilation two years later. Other songs that were cut from RMV, were titled “Press Your Luck,” “Poison Ivy,” “Cowgirls from Hell,” “Shot,” “Armpit,” “When it Rains,” “Let it Go,” the subtlety titled “Masterbation,” “Lean On Me” and others. However these songs wouldn’t have saved this album from being such a colossal disaster and a huge reliance of being a schadenfreude to various haters of the Nu Metal genre like me!

“Results May Vary” is Limp Bizkit’s equivalent to Metallica’s St Anger which was released the same year three months earlier. St Anger got a massive tonne of negativity when it was originally released but later got a huge amount of love and respect over the years. RMV will never have that type of respect as it simply nuked the careers of Limp Bizkit following its release. Limp Bizkit later released its EP titled “The Unquestionable Truth” with Wes Borland returning two years later and it’s comeback album “Gold Cobra,” with “The Stampede of the Disco Elephants” forever burning in Development Hell but the unsalvageable damage had already been done by then, and that’s why I give it the mantle as

THE ALBUM OF SUCKAGE!

Happy Trails...

[btsandvmin]

A Vmin song? - The smiley theory

Ok, I think some of you might have already seen people talk about it, but I wanted to collect all the pieces in one place. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but looking at everything I at least have to consider the possibility of Vmin doing or releasing something on Jimin’s birthday tomorrow.

First Taehyung had a smiley drawn on his face yesterday for the concert.

It could simply be because in the Arabic alphabet there is a sign looking like a smiley ت which is pronounced as "Tae". But let me go on anyways. Because Tae also posted a tweet.

In the tweet you see he added two smileys, one upside down and one the right way.

Some people noticed it matched the smiley Jimin had, which looks to be upside down, in the photo from the video about A NEW SUPERHERO from the Army Zip Teaser.

Before we look closer at the photo I want to also just point out that in the video they mention something coming in 19.10. And also that it ends with the text “A NEW SUPERHERO ”.

I mostly bring this up because Tae also drew and pointed at the smiley for Anpanman which is about being a hero as well.

So, let’s look at the picture of Jimin more closely.

He has “You” on one arm, and “Happy song” with the smiley on his hand along with the dates 0613 - 1013. Which are BTS’s birthday and Jimin’s birthday.

This is why people now wonder if something will happen for Jimin’s birthday. But I also want to remind you of Taehyung on Weverse yesterday.

He was playing with ARMY and while doing so used his+bts’s birthday as a password.

Later on he also used Jimin’s birthday. He posted about it at exactly 10.13 korean time as well.

Meaning that Tae brought up his own birthday, but more importantly both 0613 and 1013 which we can see on Jimin’s tattoos in the photo.

Note the little markings on Jimin’s hand. They match perfectly with JK’s tattoo.

In his tattoo the A can also look like a V and you have a JM as well. Meaning you have a V and JM which are also upside down from each other, just like the smileys.

Jimin also has FINE written on his neck in the video, and going with the upside down theme we have the Save me vs I’m fine parallells BTS have been doing a lot.

So, it’s possible this is all part of a bigger concept with the BU and we will see some of these things explained in the album “Shadow”.

Going back to Tae on weverse he also drew two pictures which we were supposed to guess the meaning of.

The first picture was this one.

I think it’s possible that this is supposed to be JK. Looking at the big eyes, teeth and perhaps even bunny ears?

Why I find this interesting is because the answer to this picture was “polite hands”. Meaning that Tae could possibly want us to pay attention to JK’s hands?

The second picture Tae posted was this one.

He then posted a zoomed in picture, also telling us to look at things from a different “vantage point”. 

Possibly he could be telling us to look differently at something we have already been looking at? Or for us to look deeper? I don’t know but if they are planning something this could be encouragement to look and theorize with these specific things.

Fans then speculated if the pic could have been Jimin in Paris because of the Eiffel tower and the similarity to Jimin eating ice cream.

Then Jimin of course also showed up himself and we got some cute Vmin interactions.

Tae left only one minute after Jimin asked him to come over when he was done.

But back to the song theory and the possible clues for the next comeback. The Happy song could also be a hint as it’s possibly connected to an umbrella.

This could be another connection to the BU where we have the umbrella being used as a symbol in relation to BTS and specifically Jimin a lot. 

It’s even what Jimin receives in the Magic Shop in Fake Love.

It could be completely unrelated and other BTS members have posted about umbrellas as well, but in august Taehyung also tweeted when he was singing, and used a umbrella symbol.

So not really related to Vmin, but rather just Shadow as a whole. Maybe the two aren’t conected, but I wanted to bring up the Umbrella thing anyways, since it’s possible the clues are about the comeback and not Vmin specifically.

Still, all of these small things are just interesting and if they mean that we will get something, possibly even a Vmin song (Happy song?) on Jimin’s birthday I am honestly a bit scared.

If we get a Vmin song on Jimin’s birthday and all of these things are legit, if we can possibly add this onto the already existing Vmin song connections (which also has some connections to each of their birthdays) it will add a lot to my already huge Vmin song theories. As well as their possible hints from PERSONA.

Vmin - Scenery, Promise and song connections

Vmin - Winter Bear analysis

So, PERSONA huh

Basically I am really curious to see if we will get anything tomorrow, but I don’t want to get my hopes up too much either.

Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed reading this. I really wanted to post yesterday, but tumblr has been really weird and not letting me save my post or adding photos so I had to redo the post several times… T__T

Anyways, let’s wait and see what happens. :)

[shadows-twilight]

RWBY Volume 7 Chapter 2

Sorry it's late (work is a pain), but here are my thoughts and opinions on Chapter 2 of RWBY Volume 7, "A New Approach"

SPOILERS BELOW:

While my initial reaction to the new theme song was just as lukewarm as the last three were, I can already feel it growing on me. Excellent.

I guess it wouldn't be Nora if she wasn't going feral on her handcuffs. I wonder if all of the Rooster Teeth animations are in the same universe and she's not distantly related to Camp Camp's Nikki.

I didn't even realize that there was someone else in the carriage with them last episode. He feels like a random (if somewhat comedic) one-off, but the credits name him as "Forest", so perhaps we'll see him in the future.

Oh come on, Robyn Hill and her Happy Huntresses? Are Miles and Kerry even trying to be subtle with the character allusions anymore?

Woah, now THAT is a beautiful reveal shot of Atlas. Really shows the scale of the place.

Ooh, Atlas Academy looks swanky.

Geez, Winter, I'm sure asking nicely or even phrasing it as an order would have done just fine. Though I suppose that is an appropriate reintroduction to your character.

Wow. Ironwood's office is huge! It's like he took one look at Ozpin's and said "There is no way I'm letting him have this"

Of all of the reactions I expected Ironwood to have to the heroes stealing an airship, mild amusement was not one of them.

Adorable hugs is starting to become one of Weiss's signature moves and I am all for it.

Not gonna lie, my initial reaction to Ironwood telling them about the Relics and Salem wasn't too in favor of it, but the more I thought about it, was it really too different from Qrow telling Team RNJR about it in Volume 4?

Why do I get the feeling that the Staff of Creation is not safe inside the vault? I mean, I believe that Penny thinks it is, but it totally isn't, right?

Hmm, so the Winter Maiden is some old woman? I guess that squashes any theories about it either being Winter or Willow, since I'm sure they would have made a point to mention that by now.

"I needed to ensure that Salem couldn't infiltrate Atlas" Yeeeeeaaaaaah, about that.

Hmm, turning Amity into Remnant's first global communication satellite? I like it. Not sure how well the whole "out of reach from the Grimm" part will work now that Salem's got her flying monkey's. Though I suppose they aren't the first airborne Grimm, so there's nothing to say they can reach higher than the others.

Hoo boy, there's a lot to unpack here. On one hand, I can see where Ironwood's thinking is going with this plan to tell everyone about Salem. With Grimm being the number one problem of the world, banding all of Remnant together against her isn't exactly the most outlandish of fantasies. That being said, I imagine that there are scores of people like Tyrian, Watts, Hazel, and Cinder that wouldn't have any problems with joining her, and with Salem exposed, she would have ample opportunity to spread her own message of a brand new world and recruit such people to her cause. Eventually, it would turn into an all out war between Salem's now sizable faction against the rest of Remnant. If anything Ironwood's plan would really only help Salem's plans in the long run. I'm also suspicious about Ironwood's plan to come in and "help out"other kingdoms once he tells them about Salem. It sounds to me like a scheme to get back into everyone's good graces after every single stunt he's pulled since the Fall.

To quote Blake from the previous episode, Ironwood's reaction to Oscar's identity is strangely wholesome.

Hmm, Ruby's lying to Ironwood not unlike Oz kept things from them. Can't say I blame her. Ironwood hasn't exactly proven himself to be trustworthy in the past, and while I like a lot of the things he's selling, I'm getting the feeling that he's keeping plenty from them. Still, after their reactions to Ozpin's secrets in the previous volume, I wonder if this is going to lead to some small arc where Ruby and the gang grow to realize the position he was in, and later apologize to him when they next speak to him. That would certainly be nice.

I wonder what kind of weapon upgrades we might be seeing. We've seen Gambol Shroud getting repaired, Yang's arm getting buffed, and the OP showed off Jaune's shield getting a hard light enhancement (Jaune is slowly becoming Felix), but I wonder if anyone else will be getting upgrades as well.

Ok, now we get to meet the the Ace Ops (which I can not believe I missed as a pun on Aesop's) properly. Thankfully, the credits gave us their full names, so here we get: -Elm Ederne (who I believe to be the Plane Tree. My quick search didn't bring up too many fables about trees, and she doesn't seem arrogant enough to be the Oak from The Oak and the Reed). She seems really friendly, if a bit overly energetic. I can't wait to see more of her. -Marrow Amin, who is either a dog or wolf faunus (hopefully dog, Aesop tended to cast wolves as villains, which would not bode well here). To put it simply, he's a tsundere. Moreso than Weiss ever was. Dear lord. -Clover Ebi (obviously based on A Fisherman's Good Luck, considering his weapon and numerous good luck charms). Seems rather generic for now, but we'll see how he develops. -Harriet 'Hare' Bree. Oh, come on guys. I'm trying to feel really clever figuring this stuff out, which is very hard when you just give it to us like that. From her competitive tendencies to her Flash-like effects in the OP, clearly this the Hare from easily one of Aesop's most famous fables, The Tortoise and the Hare. Side note, I like that they gave forwent the obvious route in making her a rabbit Faunus (unless there's a cottontail we're not seeing) and instead simply gave her rabbit-ear-like bangs. It's a nice creative touch. -Vine Zeki (not a clue). He looks like Zenyetta had a weird robo-love-child with ABLE from gen:LOCK.

Oh my, I can hear the Ironqrow shippers screaming for joy.

It just occurred to me that Penny probably doesn't get tired. Gawd it's great to have her back.

Damn, Watts looks sharp as hell in that coat.

Or should I say, Dr. Arthur 'No Fucks Given' Watts.

Listening to Tyrian murder someone as he casually complains about moving around is highly disturbing.

Ooh. That's a lot of blood. Hope it wasn't originally inside of somebody we know.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Sam Rae Interview: Green Turns to Dust

Photo by Sophia Lou

BY JORDAN MAINZER

“It’s their experimental record,” you say about so many classic artists, the common tale that they tone their traditional chops before venturing out into the realms of improvisation and loops. For Sam Rae, her upcoming record Ten Thousand Years (August 7th) represents the opposite journey. Her first two, 2014′s instrumental, improvised Stories From the Marrow and 2017′s heady Bring Us to New Islands, are drastically different than Years, a bonafide, lyrics-forward folk record born out of Rae’s experience as part of Brandi Carlile’s touring band. Carlile’s tour bus and band members provided Rae with an atmosphere to reflect and write, and as it turns out, she had a lot to say.

Ten Thousand Years is an album about all things Rae, from where she grew up (Iowa City) and where she moved (Santa Cruz, before relocating to Charleston, South Carolina a year ago), to her family and past and present loves, and growing up queer in the Midwest. Throughout, Rae remembers past events and hearing certain stories but is also baffled by the seeming unending nature of time and the world. Her interplay between feelings concrete and abstract is impressively balanced, especially for a first time writer-in-advance. (Ten Thousand Years is the first album on which Rae wrote the lyrics before recording the songs.) The involved personnel and sound, too, has expanded, perhaps to match the scope of Rae’s themes: Not only are we treated to Rae’s voice, guitar, and cello playing, but producer Jacob Hoffman’s french horn, piano, and 12-string Rickenbacker, Kendl Winter’s banjo, Dustin Busch’s hand-crafted lap steel, drummer Sean T. Lane’s homemade rhythm and atmosphere instrument, The Bike. Overall, though, Ten Thousand Years finds a way to hang on to bits and pieces of Rae’s experimentation. It’s two most ambitious tracks bookend it: “Intro”, initially improvised on organ while Rae’s father and fiancee played a game of pool, and “Dying Here”, the longest track on the album with tape and live delay.

I spoke to Rae over the phone last month, the day the album was announced and reverby lead single “Head Rush” premiered on Country Queer, and today, she’ll be doing her first streamed performance of the album’s material, at 6 PM CST on her Instagram. “It’s such a relief to hear it finally entering the world and coming out of my head...so much space is opening up!” she laughed. Of course, Rae is pining to do a real live show but is limited by COVID-19 (“What if I played on a dock and people could ride up on canoes?” she speculated), so for now, that open space will have to be limited to the mental realm. Ultimately, Rae doesn’t seem to be worried about what she can’t control, and to an extent, even the things she can. Life is large, and as she sings on “Colors of the Highway”, “I’m sure I’ll have the choice between remembered or forgotten / Either is fine by me.” 

Read our conversation about the record below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: Do you feel like Ten Thousand Years represented a big step for you from Bring Us to New Islands?

Sam Rae: Huge. I almost considered taking off my last two records completely. Just making them disappear. I didn’t want to get rid of them, per se, but just having this be my debut because it’s so different from my last two. I ultimately decided against it, because I basically wanted to leave a trail of breadcrumbs to how I got to where I am, which is not necessarily traditional. My first record was an improvised, looped cello concert. I recorded it live and released it. My second one is this ethereal, cello-looping, kind of synth-based record where I started to explore singing a little bit, but it was mostly focused around synth sounds and reverse cello loops. Lots of experimental stuff. This one is pretty much straight up folk. We recorded it to tape. The songs generally have structure. It’s kind of just landing in this more specific genre that just feels better. I was exploring all of this ethereal improvisational stuff for so long just because it was my comfort zone. Improvisational performance is always where I’ve been most comfortable. Writing these songs that are so lyrically exposed is this whole other can of worms. It’s less comfortable for me. But of course, I’m always drawn to the discomfort, so this is where I am. And it feels very right. I’ve finally found my...what’s the word...crevice, or...

SILY: Your niche?

SR: My niche! Or my identity in music that I’ll stick with from here on out, which feels really nice.

SILY: How long had you been writing lyrics or writing in general?

SR: I was already really into stream of consciousness journaling, but I always felt too vulnerable to have those lyrics be front and center. So in my second album, Bring Us To New Islands, I decided to include my lyrics a little bit, but I still definitely hid them behind these sonic textures and cello loops and what not. When I was writing that record, I was literally writing the lyrics to those songs as I was recording them. I would go in, and my producer would be like, “That sounds good,” or, “That sucks,” and I would go home and rewrite something. I was doing it on the fly. I was exploring that discomfort, I guess. That was another big step in the direction of where I am today. Really, to answer your question, the last three years, and especially the last two, particularly in 2018 when I was out with Brandi, I was using the adrenaline and the momentum I felt after shows with her, and I’d run straight to the bus after the show, lock the door, and get out my guitar. I wrote 60 percent of these songs on the back of that bus. She’s really dialed it in--just the level of writing and the music quality and her presence. I was just absorbing it all like a sponge, and I wanted to utilize that freshness of what I was seeing in front of me every night. It was fun to throw these songs together on the back of the bus. I finally had enough songs--6 or so--and thought to myself, “I should just write a record here!”

Writing to this extent is fairly fresh for me. The last two years, I’d say, writing in the form this record represents. Less ethereal.

SILY: You still find ways where you can use your voice instrumentally, but the lyrics are more front and center.

SR: Absolutely.

SILY: You mentioned Brandi and [Carlile’s twin-brother bandmates Phil and Tim Hanseroth] in your liner notes as providing an atmosphere where you could write. Was that just on tour?

SR: Definitely touring. Trading songs with Tim on the bus or the green room. He’d teach me a few little chords, and I’d go and do a song. Getting a few tips from Brandi here and there about my voice, and definitely taking that to heart. I was highly influenced by their writing on this record. I guess it just challenged me to rise to this level of writing I knew I could achieve. That’s cool just to have them as an example, as a bar.

SILY: You mentioned that you made “a folk record” with this one, though it still contains some of your more experimental tendencies. But in a sense, there are a couple aspects on here associated with traditional folk but maybe not “folk” as we think of it today: homemade instruments and field recordings. Both appear on "Intro”--even though it’s not a “field” and just a basement.

SR: Yeah, the “Intro” on my phone in my dad’s girlfriend’s basement. [laughs] Then, we threw some cello and vocals on top of it.

SILY: It almost lays the groundwork for the spirit of the record, with The Bike, the homemade instrument. It’s got a sense of time and place...is that your dad saying, “Turn it down, it hurts my ears!”

SR: Yeah. [laughs] He’s got hearing aids, so he’s a little more sensitive to sound now. I thought it was just very well-suiting that his voice pops in at the very beginning, like when you’re a kid: “Turn it down! Stop messing around, we’re playing pool. We’re trying to do this thing!” And I’m over there just cranking the organ. Then I keep playing, and you can kind of hear him pipe in one more time: “Turn it down!” I just keep going because I was recording on my phone. I was like, “Ooh, this is cool! I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but I don’t want to stop just because of my dad.” [laughs]

SILY: The record is called Ten Thousand Years, and on the title track, you individually go through each set of thousand years. What stuck out to me is you almost present the idea that time is more than what we perceive, when usually, people say the opposite, like, “It goes by so fast!” What’s the idea behind the record title and that track and how it relates to the whole album?

SR: Yeah, that’s a great question. I remember writing that song when I lived in Santa Cruz. I was just thinking about being in a partnership with somebody and how it just felt like every week or every day we were learning another aspect about one another. There’s a high possibility or likelihood we were never gonna learn fully everything. I was pondering that concept and definitely wrote that song in almost one go. Usually, I let it sit and go back and edit and change some lyrics to make it flow, but this one, it just kind of came out. In that song, I’m trying to address these tangible, nostalgic feelings I have for each portion in my life I can divide up into sections I’ve exposed. It gets to this point where it just becomes less tangible. Ten thousand years, and there’s more. There’s that bridge part where I’m just trying to be that ten thousand and one. It’s just based off of the concept that as humans, we’re a lot more complex that we can understand some days, and we can be hard on ourselves to that extent. Not being able to understand or be in control of certain aspects that are just human. Those are going to be there regardless of whether we have control or not. That’s kind of a long-winded version of it. 

That theme threads itself through almost every song on the album, especially songs like “Waukee” and “Strangest Thing” and kind of delving into concepts of being present and losing family members and that life is just this kind of sometimes misunderstood thing, I guess. At least from my perspective, I catch myself trying to fully understand it and be completely in control. I have these glimpses of moments where I tell myself to let go of that aspect and realize it’s a lot bigger than myself.

SILY: You’re certainly wrestling with the tangible versus the non-tangible. “Strangest Thing” gets its title from the line, “It’s the strangest thing how the wind can blow but can’t be seen.” That line definitely stuck out to me. Another one is on “Colors of the Highway”, when you sing, “Taste the colors of the highway.” It’s like a certain form of synesthesia. You’re messing with the senses.

SR: Definitely. There’s this sort of ghost-like element to a lot of these songs that touch on things I can’t control or fully understand.

SILY: At the same time, are there any stories on the song that are inspired by or reference hyper-specific events? Like, on “Waukee”, did you really light the family car on fire with a cigarette? [“Oh, you lit the family car on fire with your dead end cigarette.”]

SR: [laughs] That’s a good point. It goes from that extreme of being a little ethereal to these super finite specific moments like that one, referring to my mom when she was a teenager lighting her family car on fire with cigarettes. She was in the car with her other siblings and one parent. I’m constantly fascinated by their stories and how they survived. That’s one of their stories, where she lights the car on fire and my grandpa walks out and just tells her to go inside and go to bed. That song, specifically, is very focused around my family and my mom’s side, specifically.

SILY: On the same song, you talk about “Something in our blood that we find so comforting.” Is that family for you in general?

SR: On my mom’s side, we’re really tight-knit, and we get together on a regular basis. At this point, it’s about 50 of us. She has lots of siblings, and they all have kids, and then they all have kids, and I value the fact that we get together on a regular basis. I value that. I was an only child, and my cousins were kind of my siblings.

SILY: Same here, actually!

SR: Yeah, nice! It’s cool. I always craved that connection to a sibling based off what I saw around me, but I definitely got some of that from my mom’s side of the family. The choruses of that song touch on watching my aunts and uncles pass away one by one. It’s a strange feeling. Every time that happens, there’s a shift in the whole family. It’s kind of rattling, and a large letting go. There’s lots of cancer on that side of the family, so it’s this inevitable shadow, almost. That song’s definitely very family-oriented.

SILY: This might be a stretch, or unintentional, but it reminds me of the saying, “My family is my rock,” and you used literal rocks on the percussion of that track.

SR: I didn’t ever think of that! I found a few unintentional things on this album that I didn’t necessarily mean to do but are cool. That’s one of them. I guess the draw to that rock sound is that textural feeling. Rather than only being a sound, it creates this texture like if you were crumpling sand in your hands. That definitely relates to my feelings around community and family. There’s almost this texture or nostalgia to it that I hold on to.

SILY: Can you tell me about the song “Delaine”?

SR: That tune, I wrote in Astoria, Oregon at the end of a solo run down the coast. I had had the name Delaine floating around my head for a few weeks, and I don’t know why or how it popped into my head. It was just kind of floating around and had no purpose other than to be a name. Then, I decided one day I would write a song about the state of Iowa and name her “Delaine” so I could almost sing to her as if she were a human, which might be kind of weird. [laughs] But it opened up the possibilities of me singing to a place--I could sing to it as if it were alive. 

“Delaine” is a placeholder for Iowa, and it touches on my upbringing in Iowa, and coming out as gay in Iowa, and exploring my gender, doing drag, and it just felt so nice against the backdrop of what I felt at the time to be this mundane feeling that I was just becoming bored with the place to the point where I was like, “Get me out of here!” Of course, after I leave, I find myself laughing now about how much I missed it. But I was young and needing to get out and explore things and be in different communities. So it touched on a lot of that and just exploring my identity and a place that wasn’t necessarily surrounded my like-minded people, although Iowa City is pretty rad. 

The chorus, I was thinking about just the other day, and I was thinking kind of related to this feeling of screaming into an empty field--my mom used to take me out to an empty cornfield to just scream into the top of my lungs. I would do that, and it was this great release and always felt like the cornfields were there to hold it, hold the scream, or just be simple and calm. So I wrote those choruses, and in a sense, to kind of relate to that feeling of this spacious calm and the ability to release in the midst of that.

SILY: “The prairie fields of rural love.”

SR: Uh huh. This super expansive chorus gives me that same sense of relief as when I would go out and scream into a field. Overall, it offers a lot of space, but it’s pretty angsty. There’s a lot of built-up angst around what it was like to grow up in the Midwest.

SILY: This is probably a hard question to answer, but to what extent do certain songs address a little bit more head-on your experiences growing up queer in Iowa?

SR: Ooh...on this album?

SILY: Yes.

SR: Definitely “Delaine”. There’s a line in “Ten Thousand Years”, one of those segments I go through is, “My TV screen blew up, and I learned how to run.” That’s definitely referencing coming out and just ostracizing myself. I thought everyone was gonna disown me, and they didn’t. I was creating this thing in my head that if I came out, everyone would just stop talking to me because I was definitely abnormal and there weren’t a lot of gay people around me. It turns out I was just scooting around the issue with even my friends after almost a year, and finally, one of them brought it up and was like, “It’s okay, you know.” Because I had been coming to hang out with them with a girlfriend of mine but not saying who she was. It was just this suppressed thing I was creating for myself. “My TV screen blew up, and I learned how to run” refers to the fact that I was suppressing it pretty hard, to the point where I just decided to move away. In retrospect, kind of realizing that a lot of that was in my own head and my family has fully accepted me...although there’s still this kind of passive, “Oh, maybe some day she’ll date a man again. Maybe this is a phase.” My family is getting over that aspect, because it’s been a long time now. [laughs] It’s clearly not a phase.

SILY: And you’re married, right?

SR: Yeah. Well, I’m engaged to be married in October. But my parents and relatives still call her my friend. So there’s a passive underlying, they don’t want to acknowledge it. Not to say that they’re not supportive. So that line, “My TV screen blowing up,” I was creating this explosion in my own head, but it was outwardly existing in a passive way.

SILY: What about the song “Love Is Love”? The title of it is the most common expression for support for marriage equality, and there’s the phrase, “time’s a changin’” in that song, which is one of the oldest political statement tropes. Would you say that song is political in a way?

SR: It definitely is. To be honest, it wasn’t inspired by that. My being gay or queer is a different topic. But it of course applies to that and it’s perfect for the listener to find their own meaning in. I wrote that more around feeling privilege around me in the industry--especially white male privilege--and feeling its effects. It’s obviously a different topic, and I didn’t pinpoint that because I did want the song to be applicable to however the listener wants it to be.

SILY: The last song on the record is intriguing, and one of the things that stood out to me was how you ended it and therefore the album. I thought to myself, “How often do you hear the phrase, 'For example,' in a song, let alone to close the record?” It seemed to be a radical acceptance of things not being tied together entirely. What were you going for with that ending?

SR: I guess it felt like it did tie the whole record together. I sing, “For example, take the green / It turns to dust eventually,” which is basically the summary of the entire album. Everything evolves and changes and dissipates and starts over again. Trying to deny that just feels like you’re running against a current. It’s easier said than done--it’s definitely a process, realizing something like that. And then the following line, “The fire’s not in the rich / It’s in the fire that lights the ditch,” so it definitely ends on a pretty political note, and something I feel very strongly about, which is that in order for change to happen, we have to be a little more than forceful and less passive.

SILY: Maybe more from a prose perspective, it’s almost a very cool rejection of what you’re taught: “End something with a concluding thought.” You’re showing, not telling.

SR: For sure. It doesn’t end in a conclusive, “Here is the answer,” manner.

SILY: Many of the people you worked with--Jacob Hoffman, Trina Shoemaker, Joe Gastwirt--they’ve got pretty big resumes. What’s something you think you learned from working with them, and what might they have learned from working with you?

SR: Good question. Starting with Jacob, he just has this way of making me feel supported. He admires my songs. It’s really refreshing, because he sees me as a human. We have a lot of mutual respect for each other. Building this record off that mutual respect that was already established via touring with Brandi for almost a year on the bus was really crucial.  [Hoffman plays piano in Carlile’s band]. He was one of those people I played my songs to after I wrote them on the back of the bus. I would be like, “Hey, come back here, I have a song to play you! What do you think?” I was definitely bouncing these songs off him. It just felt absolutely appropriate to invite him to be the producer. 

He’s also this one-take wonder. He absolutely lights up when he picks up an instrument. Whenever he had a part on the song, he’d just go and get these crucial parts. In “Waukee”, that strumming. In “Love Is Love”, those very strong chords. He just nailed those parts on the first take and then he was just done. He was a very positive element in recording this. Him, and my drummer Sean T. Lane, and Mike Davis, the engineer, the three of them just offered these unique sensibilities and experiences. They always looked me straight in the eye when they had anything to say. From day one, they were like, “I’m following your vision.” I was like, “We’re gonna record this to tape and get live takes.” Whether they were hesitant or not, they didn’t show it. That’s not their way of going about it. They had to believe I could get these songs in full takes. I definitely felt that. I think you can get a sense for how comfortable I felt based on how the songs turned out. Jacob was one of the people to spearhead that feeling. 

I started working with a different mixer at first. I can be pretty stubborn and like to do everything by myself, so I was like, “I’m gonna find my own mixer!” It just wasn’t working out. I was kind of not willing to admit it at first and ended up learning a pretty big lesson on that because I spent quite a bit of money on the first round of mixes and decided to trash them all--or set them aside, really. I was feeling a little vulnerable to call Trina. Initially, I was thinking I would just call her and have her mix one to two or three songs, and my partner Cat, who has been kind of my strong voice that’s whispering in my hear the whole way through this album process, was like, “Don’t cut corners.” I was running errands one day, and she called me, being like, “What are you gonna do? Are you gonna call Trina?” I was like, “Aw, man, I don’t know if she’s gonna have time, she has work for Sheryl Crow and Wood Brothers.” I was just feeling vulnerable about that. And she was like, “No. You’re gonna call Trina, and you’re gonna ask her to mix your whole record.” I was like, “I don’t know if we can afford it,” and she was like, “We’ll figure it out. Just do it!” It was just this reinforcement that I needed. I immediately called [Trina], and she immediately agreed to do it. It was so easy. I had built up this preconceived notion in my head that just wasn’t true. I called her, and she was super awesome. She actually thought I was a telemarketer, because my number’s from Iowa. She answered, “Who is this?!?” I was like, “Oh, dear!” [laughs] “I’m Sam, I play cello for Brandi.” “Oh, I’m sorry!” Working with her just blew my mind. She told me from the beginning that I’d have to wait for her to finish some projects and be patient, and I was like, “Absolutely, I’m willing to do that. It’s worth it to me.” And so we figured out how to make it work. She nailed a lot of them on the first mix. She really nailed that feeling of aliveness and spaciousness, and she brought out these little treasures I didn’t even know were there, which I thought was really crucial. 

I don’t know. She’s an absolute genius and an artist, and working with her was definitely an honor. At some point we were talking on the phone--we ended up kind of becoming friends through this process--and she was telling me how she still studies string recordings and how they’re mixed. Even in her professional years, after so long, she still wants to grow and study these things. It definitely translates into her mixes because she’s not trying to put a thumbprint on them, just trying to make them what they should be. That’s the key, really.

Joe was also super awesome to work with, although mastering is a different experience and a little less involved. He was recommended to me by Trina, so I absolutely trusted that right off the bat. Trina thought he would be a great person to finish this project out, knowing that he, too, is not one to put a huge thumbprint on something. He doesn’t want to leave a mark. He just wants to maintain its integrity and slightly lift it up. That’s what Trina told me, and that’s exactly what he did. So it was a pleasure working with him, too.

Photo by Pete Souza

SILY: What’s the story behind the cover art?

SR: Pete Souza took that photo in Mexico at the second Girls Just Wanna Weekend with Brandi Carlile. I met him years ago through Brandi, because he’d come to shows now and then and take pictures during the show. We started to become friends during that. I asked him one day whether he’d be able to take my album cover. It kind of didn’t work out a few times. He was gonna come to New York for the Madison Square Garden show and ended up not being able to because he was traveling a lot previously. There were a few times we were trying to get together and it didn’t work out. It came down to perfect timing because I still hadn’t found my mixes with Trina, and we hadn’t settled on an album cover yet, and we were in Mexico, and I was like, “Hey, wanna just go have a fun photo shoot?” It was so much fun. I was really nervous because I get super dorky in front of cameras. [laughs] My face just doesn’t look natural. He had this way of making me feel super comfortable. We were just having fun playing with sunlight and different colors of walls. It was just fun! It felt like two artists just working together and collaborating without any intent on what we were gonna achieve. He captured that shot, and then, yeah, the rest is history!

SILY: How have you been holding up during quarantine?

SR: At first it was kind of fun, and I had a lot of time to myself and to work on this release. But honestly, it’s just been hard. The range of emotions is something I’ve never felt quite before. The diversity of them. I’ve never experienced that many in such a small period of time. Usually, they’re stretched out into multiple experiences over a longer period of time. But I’ve gotten to this point where I’m super stir crazy. Cat and I have been really strict, and we have literally just been sheltering in place. We’ve left the house to go see the sun set, but we don’t get out of the car. We go to the grocery store like once a month and wear masks and gloves and are really conscious, so we’re just staying home most of the time. 

It’s definitely getting to a place where, for me, I’ve just been completely diving into promotional stuff and album stuff and have been constantly been working on the computer. So it’s been a way for me to cope with my anxiety, but also, maybe not so healthy, because I don’t really have a firm boundary between when I’m doing it and when I’m not. But I’m learning a lot about myself. I think my biggest takeaway is I’m really glad to see how much support has been offered by friends and community members. It’s easy to get down on the world and the state of our government, but it’s been a little uplifting to see people rising up through that and offering their support. Even the smallest little posts, like, “Hey, let me know if I need to buy you a bag of groceries and put it on your doorstep.” Humanity is still good. That reminder is definitely driving me through this. My hope is very high, and my anxiety levels are very high.

SILY: I think a lot of people would agree with that statement...I know you’ve been busy with this record, but have you been consuming any other media, like music, books, movies, or shows?

SR: I’ve definitely been listening to some new records that just came out, including Laura Marling and Fiona Apple. I’ve really, really been diving into the Laura Marling album.

SILY: It’s incredible.

SR: It’s so good. I miss that feeling of putting on an album and immediately feeling relieved about how good it is. It’s more rare these days, me listening to something and want to obsessively listen to it after that. So I’ve been listening to that and definitely watching some shows and sitting on my back porch throwing a ball for my dog. [laughs] My three main activities.

SILY: Is there anything I didn’t ask about, the record or otherwise, that you want to say?

SR: Hmm...I guess the only thing that comes to mind is that, overarchingly, with this record, I really wanted to have a live feeling as if you were in the room. My intention around trying to catch these live takes, with guitar, main vocals, and drums, is that the drums and I could kind of create that vibe and then we’d build off of that. Sean and I were just working off of each other with those initial takes. At first it was an experiment, those initial takes, but we ended up being really proud of it.

[alohomorastudies]

Hey guys! I took the AP World History exam this past year (2017) and because I felt confident enough with my score, I am giving you some tips and tricks on how to do well on it.

A quick overview: The College Board splits World History into six time periods: Unit One (history - 600 BCE), Unit Two (600 BCE - 600 CE), Unit Three (600 CE - 1450 CE), Unit Four (1450 CE - 1750 CE), Unit Five (1750 CE - 1914 CE), and Unit Six (1914 CE - Present). The exam is split into three sections: the multiple choice, the short answers, and the essays. You have 55 minutes for 55 questions for the multiple choice, 50 minutes for four short answers, and 1.5 hours for two essays (I think they're changing this next year?? not sure). The two essays are a document based question (DBQ) and a long essay question (LEQ). The DBQ is where they give you 7-8 documents and using those, you have to write an essay about the topic, and the LEQ is where they give you two different topics and you choose one of them to write about.

A little personal story: My AP World History class was a mess. Our tests were crazy hard because it tested us on very specific facts from our textbook. Our teacher also expected us to take notes on 20-30 pages of dense textbook pages, and not having discovered the studyblr community then, it was my biggest struggle of freshman year. My advice is mostly based on what other AP World classes are like and also some personal experience.

General tips... 

Buy the Princeton Review prep book for AP World History. It has really good content that doesn't have too much information, and this is a great supplement for the school year (basically self study from this book alongside learning about it during the school year).

Buy the Crash Course prep book for short term review. I personally didn't use it because by the time I learned about there was only 2? weeks until the AP exam, so I didn't think it was really worth it, but some of my friends that used it said that it was very helpful because it was so condensed.

Start studying early. I know its already pretty late in the summer, but you can start now! There is so much information in AP World to learn (I mean, its like 10,000 years of work crammed into one year!). My class quickly fell behind on content, and we never even got to learn about the Cold War in class :(. So if you don't want to self study the difficult events, start studying now!

For pre-studying, I would recommend trying to get through the first two units because not much was going on in those time periods. Also, its a lot easier to juggle themes in these time periods, and basically these time period are easy to understand.

If your class does start falling behind in content (I would say the French Revolution by winter break is pretty good), your best bet at succeeding is reviewing and studying ahead during spring break. Really focus on studying ahead because it's really important that you get to current day events (but not too specific luckily). You can briefly focus on previous chapters, but at this point, having a somewhat good cover of everything is better than knowing mostly everything super well but not knowing some things at all. I made the mistake of studying everything from the Cold War to present day in the last week. I had several sleepless nights, but this just proves that the Princeton Review book is actually very good:(

DO NOT FOCUS ON FACTS, FOCUS ON THEMES!!! This has got to be my most important tidbit. AP World History is more focused on the trends than trivial facts (unlike the SAT II World History). Take some notes on the general trends of each time period (you can find them in the AP World History Course Description) AND KEEP THEM IN MIND WHILE YOU ARE READING YOUR PREP BOOK. 

Completely contradicting what I've said before, know some very detailed facts (lol). These can help you understand the larger trends going on, and they could be useful for the short answers and essays. However, I would recommend remembering these facts by using them as evidence for the trends.

Unless your class was like mine in which every week we had to remember very trivial information about history that consumed all of our time, then you want to go over everything you've ever learned about world history every one or two weeks. This will definitely help in the long run when you're planning out a study plan because you already remember so much information!

Getting into the actual exam...

Go quickly on the multiple choice. As with any multiple choice, it's better if you finish earlier so you can check your work.

In order to fully understand the content on the multiple choice and the format, take a practice test. I found that the Barron's practice test were the most similar to the actual exam, so it might be worth it to invest in one. Or maybe you could borrow one from a friend. Either way, take practice tests— you won't regret it.

Understand the essay formats and what they're looking for. The AP World essays mostly test you on writing like a historian, not an English professor. There are some key components in these essays that you must get, otherwise your score will start to slowly drop. For example, if you have a perfectly written DBQ but forget the contextualization, your DBQ score will go down. Just keep in mind all of the parts while writing your essay, its simple enough.

ANSWER THE QUESTION!! A lot of people (apparently) don't do well on the essays because they start rambling and talking about a completely different topic. As long as you answer the question by supporting it with facts, you will get a majority of the essay points.

Quality ≠ Quantity. The recommended length for the DBQ is 4-5 pages while the recommended length for the LEQ is 3-4 pages. COMPLETELY SCRATCH THIS INFORMATION. My DBQ was a little over 2 pages, and my LEQ was exactly two pages, and I am very happy with my score. As long as you answer the question, your essay doesn't need to be 4-5 pages.

Follow the recommended timing for the essays (I think they're adding time for both essays next year not sure though). I almost didn't have enough time to finish my LEQ because i spent too much time on the DBQ. Even if your not done with the first essay you were writing, once that time is up, move onto the next essay. Perhaps the next essay is easier than the first so you might be able to finish early and go back to your other one.

You have a lot of time to write the short answers. They're supposed to be "short", but you nearly have a page for each question. 12.5 minutes for each question is plenty of time to think through your answers and write a beautiful response. But, if you're having trouble with timing, practice practice practice!

A lot of people this year lost a lot of points on the short answers probably because it was much more detailed oriented than the multiple choice. Each short answer had three sub-questions that were like "List one example... List another example... List a third example...", and it definitely got annoying, and my brain definitely had a hard time coming up with three examples, but as long as you remember the trends, you could probably make something up related to the trends of that time period, and still get the point for that short answer question.

Wow, if you got to here thank you for reading my complaints/tips and good luck with AP World History! It's a challenging but rewarding experience. If you have any questions about AP World, leave me an ask, and I'll get back to you ASAP. Here are some helpful links when I got desperate...

AP World History Course Description

AP World History Practice FRQ's

AP World History Course Notes

Super Detailed AP World History Quizlet

Crash Course World History

Crash Course World History 2

Barron's AP World History Practice Test

Varsity Tutors Super Detailed AP World History Practice Tests

and of course...

History of Japan

History of the World, I Guess

PS. Sorry if this was too much information and long and ramble-y and unhelpful. I'm still new to advice posts/masterposts/blog posts and all of that pizzazz. Forgive me :)

[thepilgrimgeek]

Imperialism and Exceptionalism in the MCU: Major Spoilers for Avengers Endgame

It’s Academy Award season! And once again, the Academy has limited blockbuster movie nominations to visual effects and similar production awards. Never mind the whole of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is an unprecedented feat of cinema. In honor of its nomination for visual effects, here is my deep dive into the climax of the third phase of the MCU, Avengers: Endgame. I had a blast watching Avengers: Endgame. Overall, I thought the film delivered, and served up everything that the best of comic book crossovers have to offer. I loved the Iconic stills and panels galore (such as that shot with all the female heroes. I do enjoy pandering in my comic book movies. Sue me). I cheered for the fun character moments (like Cap with Mjonir or Doc Green or anything with Scott Lang). And they went full sci-fi comic-booky goodness with continuity-choking, flimsily-orchestrated time travel. Furthermore, the the original team’s individual character arcs were tied up with varying degrees of tidiness. Not too shabby, Marvel. Not too shabby. However, Marvel Studios did solidify one thematic element that it never fully committed to, and it solidified in the direction I was hoping would not be the case. In Avengers: Endgame, Marvel Studios definitively illustrated that the ends justify the means, and exceptionalism belongs to the heroes. In Iron Man’s final moments, with an admittedly badass “I am Iron Man,” the hero who started the MCU snaps his Infinity Gauntlet clad fingers, and eradicates Thanos and his time-traveling space army (I warned you about spoilers). Iron Man uses the Infinity Gauntlet, essentially a weapon of mass destruction, to bring about victory. He uses the same weapon used by Thanos to bring unprecedented devastation at the finale of Infinity War.  And with that endgame snap, Marvel Studios makes the statement that the problem isn’t the existence of WMDs, it is who uses them. And for that, I am disappointed. Marvel Studios has flirted with the ethics of exceptionalism, feigning to examine the military conduct of empires and the powers they employ. Ultimately, the MCU devolved in its exploration imperial ethics into a flashy violent victory that never calls into question a WMD’s very use. And it is a shame, because the first film had thoughts on that. Let’s journey through the MCU, shall we.

In 2008, Jon Favreau brought us Iron Man. It is the film that begins it all. Tony Stark, the callous billionaire playboy, is kidnapped by a terrorist cell following a demonstration of Stark Industries’ premier artillery, the Jericho. In captivity, Stark realizes that his company’s weapons are the very ones being sold to terrorist groups and used against the  innocent. Following his escape, Stark works to move away from Stark Industries involvement in the US Military complex, and strive to focus more resources in the development of the clean energy. The MCU kicks off with a critical eye towards how the United States develops and trades weapons, making the third act’s villain a fitting climatic foe. Who pushes the hardest to build and sell weapons regardless of the outcome? Why Jeff Bridges’ Obadiah Stane, the Iron Monger. Phase 1 of the MCU sticks fairly close to this critical eye. The Incredible Hulk is hunted down by the US military so they can continue to use him for R&D as they develop their machine. Even Captain America is initially used as a propaganda star before being deployed in the fray of WWII. The question of how the US develops and employs its military resources is largely front and center. And then Phase 2 moves forward with hesitancy and reticence.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier was the Russo Brothers’ premier endeavor in the MCU, and it thrilled to no end. A phase and a half later, it still arguably remains the MCU film with the tightest plot and the best cinematography. However, the film sets itself up to be a critique of government surveillance in the name of security which, in 2014, was as timely as ever following the Snowden revelations of the previous year. Then the major plot twist of the film (albeit a fantastic one) shifts that critique on a dime. The reveal that HYDRA had been infiltrating SHEILD for decades and into its top tiers of administration comes the revelation that the expanded surveillance measures being pushed are part of a fanatical Nazi-remnant conspiracy. One could argue the ethical issue presented in Winter Soldier becomes moot because it was never truly a “US initiative” in the first place. Captain America’s suspicion and claims of what is “un-American” are shown to be just that: ploys from outside interests and foreign powers (sorta). Joss Whedon’s Avengers: Age of Ultron is blip on the radar. Stark wants to increase global security. Capt adamantly disagrees. There’s a virus that creates Ultron. Chaos ensues. Stark kind of looks like a failure. It seems in that moment that Stark’s desire for increased surveillance (oddly similar to the HYDRA conspiracy in Winter Soldier) is proven misplaced. The Russo Brothers continue to play with that thread in Captain America: Civil War. The Sokovia Accords place the Avengers under United Nations oversight and require the registration of individuals with enhanced abilities. Stark, who is continually trying to find effective ways to save the world (and protect it from… well… the Avengers) signs without hesitation. Steve Rogers has his ethical qualms, but the story soon forgets the Accords as it becomes far more focused on the capture of Bucky Barnes, as well as the assassination of Tony’s father Howard Stark. The tensions between Captain America and Iron Man coming to a head monopolize the run time. By the film’s final act, the Sokovia Accords are all but forgotten, and with it the ethical question of government control and oversight.

Phase 3 did bring some note worthy films that rub against this trend (a trend arguably strongest in the work of the Russos). Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 and Thor: Ragnarok wrestle with the legacy of colonialism. Starlord learns he is the son of Ego the living planet. Ego took a sexual partner on every world he visited in the interest of planting a literal seed to consume and transform that world. Thor is faced with the reality that Asgard, the kingdom to which he is heir, was built upon the violent conquest of other realms and the exploitation of his older, imprisoned sister Hera. Ragnarok’s final moments are poignant. The only way to save the people of Asgard and defeat Hera is to literally burn down the system and structures that were built by his father Odin. Taika Waititi has crafted a clear opinion on what it takes to remedy the legacy of empire. Destroy the structures and save the people who inhabit them. I think it is particularly brilliant and stands out as shining gem of a movie in the MCU. And, of course, there is Black Panther. While Guardians Vol. 2 and Thor: Ragnarok examine colonialism and empire, they do so in traditional fantasy/sci-fi fashion. With the distance of a world that is galaxies or realms away, the setting never so close to Earth as to make the analogue too obvious. Black Panther has no such distance. This is the film with what may be the most critical eye in the MCU. Woven throughout it are discussions of race and heritage, of violence and oppression, and of the shortcomings of isolationism. There are many far better equipped who have written about these themes in detail, and you should definitely track them down. For the purpose of this piece, it is important that Black Panther takes the questions of legacy, power, and resources, and plays them out on screen. It is fought out in the philosophical battle between Erik Stevens and T’Challa. It is a discussion that T’Challa takes directly to the land of his ancestors to insist “You were wrong!” The themes of resources and empire present in the first Iron Man and in Thor: Ragnarok are turned up to 11 in Black Panther. It is the only film in the MCU where the antagonist’s perspective and philosophy fundamentally shifts those of the protagonist. T’Challa will forever be different kind of king, a king unlike any previous king of Wakanda, solely because of Erik Stevens.

And yet, I can’t help but wonder. Why is the film with the most critical eye the one where the protagonist experiences the most concrete transformation of character, the one that is predominantly concerned with people of color? Why is it an African kingdom that experiences such a radical change in its philosophy of leadership? As previously noted, any conversation of the sort related to the US in the previous films is either made moot or overshadowed by the interpersonal conflict in the Avengers team.  Following Black Panther was the much anticipated release of the Russo Brothers’ Avengers: Infinity War. I wrote about Infinity War on this blog before, and hoped for the Russos’ to set forth an answer to Thanos’ philosophy of resources and his theology of scarcity. The film ends with the infamous Snap. We watch as half of the life in the universe turns to ash before our eyes. It is tragic and the original Avengers team is left speechless.

It is tragic. And yet, the Russos found it fitting to have the Avengers employ the same tool in their defeat of Thanos. We see the same visual effect as the enemy is turned to ash. While one could argue for this moment of desperation, it is perhaps the one act that Tony Stark shows the most confidence in performing. And the rest of the world praises him for it. The ethics of the decision do not register on the Marvel radar. Once again, Avengers: Endgame was a wild ride I enjoyed watching, but its ethics of war and empire come up short. Apparently it is not the existence of a weapon that is problematic, just the one which uses it. And now the Universe once again faces Thanos’ scarcity question… At least the world is saved I guess. Read the full article

[tslyricx]

1. WELCOME TO NEW YORK.

The opening track for 1989 introduced the world to a brand new Taylor Swift. After experimenting with electronic pop elements on Red, her country starlet persona was all but gone with the release of 1989.

The title is a literal way for Taylor to welcome fans to her new sound. Paralleling her own move from Nashville to New York, 1989 as an album reflects her new lifestyle; moving from her country roots to the big city with all its glitz and glamour. She told Rolling Stone in September 2014: “I really like my life right now…I love the album I made. I love that I moved to New York. So in terms of being happy, I’ve never been closer to that.”

Taylor teased the lyrics on Instagram on October 14, 2014, and it premiered on October 20 to everyone who pre-ordered the album. As proof of her love for her adopted hometown, all proceeds from sales of the single went to New York City Public Schools. The city also showed love back when they made Taylor a tourism ambassador. Despite all this, the song had mixed reviews, even being called “the worst NYC anthem of all time.”

The first line of the song introduces us to New York with the freshness Swift first experienced it with. The song jumps straight into feeling instant excitement – which is exactly what moving to New York felt like for Swift [and most who venture to the great city]. New York is known to be a hustling city, constantly filled with bustling: “Walking through a crowd, the village is aglow” The village’s glow represents the city lights – whether it be from buildings, cars or billboard signs – the city is never completely dark. This indicates how the city is always full of life and never sleeps. The word “aglow” also creates a fairytale-like, magical feeling. Taylor must have been enchanted to finally be welcomed to the city of her dreams.

The first verse continues by saying: “Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats” A kaleidoscope is a cylindrical, mirrored object that one can look into, and due to the mirrors' reflection you see many beautiful, colorful patterns. The “kaleidoscope of hearts” indicates when Taylor looks around New York, she sees the vast diversity of different cultures, dreams, passions and ideals of New York’s people. The heartbeats are loud because they aren’t timid or afraid; New York has inspired them to express themselves and be brave. The kaleidoscope shows that as people look around New York, their hearts light up and become inspired. As a kaleidoscope reflects beautiful images, New York spurs people to live out their dreams.This also contrasts the heartbeats and the coats. In addition, coats are man-made objects associated with cold, winter days, or serious businessmen or stark fashionistas. However, below lies the heartbeat, which is symbolic of life. This is a metaphor for how New York often seems to be a harsh concrete jungle, but beneath the surface, it’s filled with vibrant energy and inspired people.

In fact, People move to New York in search of chasing their dreams. It is known as the city where anything is possible: “Everybody here wanted something more Searching for a sound we hadn’t heard before” Swift also moved to New York because she was looking for change in her life and wanted some inspiration. Literally, the inspiration she got lead to the creation of her album, 1989 which is a sound we haven’t yet heard from Taylor before, her first full pop album.

As one of the most bustling cities in the world, New York, doesn’t “wait” for anyone — however, the magnificence of the city can make moving there seem like a turning point in someone’s life. This mirrors the sonic crossover in Taylor’s music from country to pop: “And it said Welcome to New York, it's been waiting for you Welcome to New York, welcome to New York Welcome to New York, it's been waiting for you Welcome to New York, welcome to New York” Taylor has shown her love for New York City numerous times — she owns a penthouse there, and has mentioned it in songs like “Come Back… Be Here.”

As we all know, this song is from her first pop album and is thus literally a new soundtrack. She loves her catchy new tune and knows it will go down as a classic for her to dance to even when she’s old: “It’s a new soundtrack, I could dance to this beat, beat, forevermore” Figuratively, she is referring to the soundtrack of New York. This could refer to the sounds of the city that she has fallen in love with and thus never wants to leave. It could also refer to a sort of unheard soundtrack, which is just the underlying feeling and vibe of New York, which has made her feel a certain way that she never wants to lose and will always remember. The use of the word “soundtrack” also emphasizes how New York makes her life feel like a movie, as though it is almost too good to be true.

Actually, it’s not Las Vegas, but nonetheless, New York City has one of the brightest nightlife’s of all. “Bright” is used as a synonym for glamorous, as the lights aren’t actually glowing with enough intensity to blind her: “The lights are so bright but they never blind me, me” This may also be a reference to Jay Z’s hit song, ‘Empire State of Mind," in which he said, “lights is blinding, girls need blinders.” Taylor could be rejecting Hova’s claim that girls cannot handle life in the city. Taylor Swift, as a virtually peerless pop superstar, has more “bright lights” on her than anyone else. It’s more fame than has brought down countless other celebrities, including Joni Mitchell, who Taylor wrote a song about. Is Swift bragging about her ability to cope? Perhaps it’s her country background that prepared her for the bright lights of mainstream success. It would certainly fit the song’s metaphor; New York is the most populous city in the US, and the center of show biz, and stage lights.

In fact, New York is a form of escape from the life you lived before. It is a place where you can turn a new page: “When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors Took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer” Dropping the bags on the floor indicates two things:

She’s ready to unpack. This means she’s ready to start afresh, try new things and explore what New York has to offer. 

She is dropping baggage. She’s letting go of any emotional drama or hurt she had before, as New York allows her to be free from all her troubles and just live her life. This feeling is reiterated with putting a broken heart away in a drawer.  New York hosts a large LGBT community, due to its liberal nature, and historical movements like the Stonewall uprising: “And you can want who you want Boys and boys and girls and girls” Swift has shown support for the LGBT community numerous times, including when she defendedlesbian singer Hayley Kiyoko after the media twisted something Kiyoko said about her; Kiyoko later joined her onstage at the 2018 reputation Stadium Tour to perform her song “Curious.” Also at the reputation Stadium Tour, Swift dedicated a speech to her LGBT fans.  New York is a great love of her life. It is full of mystery and is always unpredictable. Sometimes, it frustrates and scares her because of the unpredictability and craziness. But, at the same time, she loves the excitement of the city and wouldn’t change anything about it, and the same goes for love: “Like any great love, it keeps you guessing Like any real love, it's ever-changing Like any true love, it drives you crazy But you know you wouldn't change anything, anything, anything” During an interview, Taylor revealed that after moving to New York, the recurring theme in her songs about love and relationships seemed to have less of an influence than before, although it was still somewhat prominent. These lines compare her experiences with past relationships the excitement of being in NYC. Another way to interpret this line is to compare Taylor’s love for the city that never sleeps to a love she might have for a person. Taylor is no stranger to the idea that people tend to walk out on others, but since New York is a city, it will always be there for her to be inspired by. Why is New York importan to Taylor? “When I first discovered that I was in love with performing, I wanted to be in theater. So growing up, New York City was where I would come for auditions. Then I started taking voice lessons in the city, so my mom and I would drive two hours and have these adventures. I actually have a photo of my first Knicks game. I was 12 years old and I was in a halftime talent competition, but I didn’t win because the kid who won sang “New York, New York,” and I was like, “Here’s a song I wrote about a boy in my class …” I’m as optimistic and enthusiastic about New York as I am about the state of the music industry, and a lot of people aren’t optimistic about those two things. And if they’re not in that place in their life, they’re not going to relate to what I have to say.” What has Taylor said about the song? Taylor said: “I wanted to start 1989 with this song because New York has been an important landscape and location for the story of my life in the last couple of years. I dreamt and obsessed over moving to New York, and then I did it. The inspiration that I found in that city is hard to describe and to compare to any other force of inspiration I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s an electric city.” Favorite lyric: “You can want who you want/Boys and boys and girls and girls” Album: 1989, released on the 27th of October, 2014. Witten by: Taylor Swift & Ryan Tedder. Hidden message: We begin our story in New York. Picture: 1989 deluxe version’s Polaroid.

[dualsecond]

Research Task 4:1 Top Ten Visual Diaries

These sketchbooks have not particular order

1.  “The Sketchbook and the Life in Between” by  Alena Kudriashova 2014

It is very difficult for me to see if this is more an artist’s book defined as Artists' books (or book arts) are works of art that utilize the form of the book. (Wikipedia, 2019) or a sketchbook as an exploration. In this particular case, this is more the first rather pretending to be the second. I made the distinction because most of the pages seem finished to a certain degree, every page has consistency (there are not experimental or visual explorations) but still a very lovely work and I like it.

Alena Kudriashova, 2016

What are the visual qualities of the journals?

Alena added a lot of interesting details to her work, from stickers to staps but I was attracted to the watercolour. 

What kind of content and ideas are explored? 

She is a travel sketchbook artist on her Instagram page she seems to explore the places she visited and the people. The added the date and comments to her work.

How does the visual quality and content help establish the creative identity of the maker? 

Yes, of course. Also, it gives you an idea 

2.  “A Quarter in Hong Kong” by  Julia Yellow

This is a beautiful sketchbook but also seems more like an artist’s book than a sketchbook for researching but undateable you can see a huge jump from her sketchbook pages to a final work. it is easy to see different styles, colours and mediums been used so we can only assume that she uses her sketchbook to experiment and grow.

Julia Yellow, 2011

What are the visual qualities of the journals?

Perspective is one of the things is the more attractive things for me in this particular sketchbook, the picture above has an example of that and the one at the top, the layout on the two pages is incredibly interesting, with movement. Also, the use of colour but from pieces of paper or packaging is cleverly used. 

What kind of content and ideas are explored?

On her sketchbook, she explores travelling from people on the street to food. In a very innovative way. 

Do these journals help to make connections with these artists’ wider work?

I think it does. The final work is difficult to connect with the sketchbook but there are similarities in the way the layout is presented, some characters.

3. “Winter Story”  by  Annamaria PUSKAS

I could not found this person website or Instagram to see any final work. This is another sketchbook that is more like an artist’s book or a final artwork in the form of a book than a sketchbook as we do it on the course but I added to this list for many reasons, it is really original, the story is funny and clever, the perspective is my refreshing, the use of colour and lettering add to the artwork without making it into a comic or a graphic novel. Another thing that I like is the consistency among the pages, creating a mood, and story. even if you cannot read the story you can connect the drawings.

Annamaria PUSKAS, 2015

What are the visual qualities of the journals?

The use of complementary colour, the perspective, the story is built in a way that is interesting and dynamic.

What kind of content and ideas are explored? 

it is the story of an icicle but in general, I think this sketchbook is experiment with perspective, colour, lettering. Mostly successfully but 

How does the visual quality and content help establish the creative identity of the maker? 

On the content, the story by itself it is funny and different but the combination of use of colour, texture and perspective create a pretty unique work.

Do these journals help to make connections with these artists’ wider work? 

I could not find another work done by him. 

4.  “People and Flowers” by  Mary K. Lynch

This was a very inspiring work. it was difficult to find more experimental and studies in this particular collection when I saw this one I was attracted to the lines on the background of the sketches. Also, the use of colour (yellow) for a background that will make it pop up was particularly fun and playful but counterintuitive. It was a bit of a shock to see her final work. I am not sure what to make. No only the style is different but it seems like made by a different artist. 

Mary K. Lynch, 2016

What are the visual qualities of the journals?

I was attracted to the line work, the mark making was different but really work for me. the portraits drawing seems to have character and emotion that was interesting. She also seems to study colour and its relationship with the portrait she was painting, some with great success.

What kind of content and ideas are explored?

She worked mostly with portrait, she is closer to a traditional fine artist than an illustrator, this was another reason for which I choose this particular sketchbook.

How does the visual quality and content help establish the creative identity of the maker?

The artist mostly does portraits so I guess she practices about how to make them. I am not sure if this is a successful story but the experimental drawings are incredibly fun.

Do these journals help to make connections with these artists’ wider work?

I am not sure about this. I cannot be related to the style and final work (very traditional) with more experimental sketchbook. 

5.   “Pacific Cruising” by  Amanda Clover

This sketchbook was very interesting. The pages are quite vivid and expressive, with stories and illustrations on the same page. Each page has similar composition but she manages with colour to create a particular feeling. See the picture below, it is quite different for the mood, it calming while other pages the colour are bright as fun summer days. 

Amanda Clover

What are the visual qualities of the journals?

Colour is very important to set the atmosphere in the sketchbook. 

What kind of content and ideas are explored?

This is a recorded travelling sketchbook but it is more about what she is seeing.

6.  “Thick Loaf Bread” by  Mary Ann Chaney

This is a very interesting sketchbook, she mixed drawing, pictures and writing. A very compelling combination. It creates an interesting narrative. The pictures were an integral part of the drawing (see below). I think this is a very experimental sketchbook. There is a sad mood, in part for the used of colour (black and white) but also for the thems of the pictures and drawings. 

Mary Ann Chaney, 2017

What kind of content and ideas are explored?

Dead and religion. I also think there is surrealism construct behind the sketchbook.

7.  “Connections. A journey towards myself. ” by  Magdolna Nad Torma

Magdolna used mix media to develop a narrative about the female body and a self-reflection about self-love. This is a very common theme nowadays but I think is healthy for women at some point to do it and she does it incredibly. Her way of work is very experimental (on the sketchbook), it does not seem premeditated but exploratory. This is really refreshing because even though it has a theme you can see how to evolve into a more surrealistic or emotionally charge piece.

Magdolna Nad Torma, 2018 

What are the visual qualities of the journals?

She used lines and details to create an atmosphere into the small drawings but also colour. 

What kind of content and ideas are explored?

Self-value and femininity and love.

Do these journals help to make connections with these artists’ wider work?

She is a fine artist but it is clear the connection between the sketchbook and her final work. Perhaps, she uses more colour to create mood and in the sketchbook is a lot of drawing. 

Magdolna Nad Torma, 2018 

8.  “The view from up here” by  Barbara Wrobel Steinberg

This is a combination of an artist’s book and a sketchbook. she has very detail and elaborated drawings. they are lovely but what caught my attention was the perspective and the narrative on the book. She does an everyday visual diary of her activities but for an unusual perspective. 

Barbara Wrobel Steinberg, 2011

What kind of content and ideas are explored?

Personal perspective and daily activities. 

How does the visual quality and content help establish the creative identity of the maker?

It is interesting to see how the final work is a more elaborate sketch. It almost not jumps from the sketch style to the final work. 

Do these journals help to make connections with these artists’ wider work?

Yes, of course. You can see how the artist is 

Barbara Wrobel Steinberg, 2011

9.  “My Park Slope” by  Nancy Wait

I love architectural drawing and colour pencil. I think this is a lovely combination of both but as in other sketchbooks, this seems less experimental and more like a finished book. It is very interesting the way she captures light and shadow on the buildings.

Nancy Wait, 2016

What kind of content and ideas are explored?

This is mostly street art and the exploration of architectural drawing.

How does the visual quality and content help establish the creative identity of the maker?

The sketches are very elaborate but they are small scenes than the final work. but there are similarities in the colours, light and the themes between the final work and the sketches.

Do these journals help to make connections with these artists’ wider work?

Through the used of colour, light and shadow and the research of the city’s landscapes

Nancy Wait, 2016 

10.  “Diary of a Mountain Goat” by  Natalia Woodward

Natalia has an interesting use of the lines to create the mountains in this sketchbook. Straight lines to create an organic shape is interesting to me. Also, the use of carbon paper makes the combination for powerful and dramatic. Her use of lines clearly seems in her finish work but she also used ball pen for her characters. It is an interesting work.

Natalia Woodward, 2016

Natalia Woodward, 2019

“The Sketchbook and the Life in Between” by  Alena Kudriashova 2014

“A Quarter in Hong Kong” by  Julia Yellow, 2011

“Winter Story”  by  Annamaria PUSKAS, 2015

“People and Flowers” by  Mary K. Lynch, 2016

“Pacific Cruising” by  Amanda Clover

“Thick Loaf Bread” by  Mary Ann Chaney, 2017

“Connections. A journey towards myself. ” by  Magdolna Nad Torma, 2018

“The view from up here” by  Barbara Wrobel Steinberg

“My Park Slope” by  Nancy Wait, 2016

“Diary of a Mountain Goat” by  Natalia Woodward, 2016

[texanredrose]

Hello! Sorry to bother but I'd like to ask if you know how emblems work in rwby? The Schnee emblem gets passed down from generation to generation but how about the others? Tai has a different emblem than Yang, if i can recall correctly. Do people make their own or do they already have it once they are born? If weiss and blake ever tie the knot, would they merge their emblems or just have different ones?

Shit, we’re getting into headcanon territory, because there is no canon explanation for the emblems. Strap in, because this is going to get long, but damnit am I fond of my ridiculous headcanons, and I’m considering this an open door to talk about them for a minute. Here are my thoughts on the whole shebang.

Alright, now, while we haven’t gotten a concrete explanation for it in canon, there’s a lot of things we can base conjectures on; now, unfortunately, my personal headcanons got jossed in V4, because Qrow’s semblance is just so left field. However, the theory I operate under is that the war that was fought eighty-some years ago not only explains the “color rule”, but also provides a basis for the emblems and semblances.

The entire crux of the conflict revolved around individuality and personal expression. Names, semblances, and emblems are all directly tied to that. The Schnees, or perhaps just Jaques in particular, supported the side that frowned upon such expressions of individuality, which is why the current generation of Schnees all share emblems, semblances, and similar naming conventions (all starting with ‘W’ and having different ‘i’ vowel sounds in their names)(I’m aware this may or may not apply to Whitshit, but it’s also not been shown that it doesn’t, so he’s essentially a blank slate and we have Winter and Weiss as evidence that this holds water). This extremely inhibits their individual expression through normal means and we see that conflict reflected in Weiss’ character arc across the Volumes, struggling to be her own person and get out of her father’s control. Meanwhile, at the opposite end, we have the only other (mostly) full family to compare: the Xiao Longs/Branwens/Roses. Qrow, Raven, Taiyang, Yang, and Ruby all have completely unique names (although Qrow and Raven share a theme, due to being twins, which I think is a cute touch), semblances (more on this in a minute), and emblems (again, Qrow’s and Raven’s are related). Obviously, these lineages were on the winning side of the war, and they continue the tradition they fought so hard to win. Through Taiyang, Yang, and Ruby, we can see that families tend to share certain aspect in common even if they support(ed) the individuality side of the war. Because of this, I’d say it’s safe to assume emblems are adopted at some point, probably around the time a semblance emerges or at puberty as a cultural rite of passage for teenagers. Everything else is open for interpretation, though. 

 The design is probably created based in part on input from the individual destined to bear it and also family traditions. I would say it’s highly likely that Yang’s resembles Taiyang’s but shares little in common with Raven’s and Summer’s due to her estranged nature with her blood mother and perhaps some lingering doubts over whether Summer truly considered her a daughter or not. So, instead of simply copying her father’s design, Yang added the flames at the top as stylized extensions of the prongs on Taiyang’s design, inspired by her semblance. Ruby’s design is likely based on Summer’s (whom I assume would have a white rose of some sort) and Yang’s, perhaps as a sign that she wasn’t particularly close to Taiyang due to his depression after Summer’s passing and saw Yang as a surrogate mother, taking the rose and flames without copying the heart design. This sort of mutation over several generations would maintain unique designs expressing individuals while still holding enough common basis to link family members. (So, if you’re big into researching family histories or whatnot, this would be an added dimension to explore within the world of Remnant, and I think that’s kinda neat.)

I also think people tend to keep the same emblem throughout their lives. Think of it as a way to reaffirm who you are within the RWBY-verse; your parents give you a name that makes you an individual (or, if you’re a Schnee or member to a similarly minded family, confirms you as a scion of your lineage) and you choosing your emblem is your way of taking control of your identity. Although you might grow and change as the years pass, you’d probably keep the same design, except maybe making small changes to reflect certain obstacles. In a lot of ways, I think Taiyang having his emblem tattooed on his arm is no coincidence; emblems are somewhat fixed, the same way tattoos are, but you can always add or remove from them, if that’s your choice. Considering the trials and tribulations ahead of Weiss and Blake, I think they would continue to bear the marks they chose, as a sign that they’re proud of the challenges they’ve overcome and don’t regret their decisions, even the ones that were wrong at the time. Blake would do it because she’s learned so much from her younger days and she doesn’t want to forget those past mistakes; Weiss would keep it because she had no choice in the matter but now she owns it, and she won’t run from the difficult hand she was dealt. However, as with everything pertaining to a person’s identity, they could choose to change to something that fits them better over time; I just personally don’t see either of them doing so.

Were Blake and Weiss to ever tie the knot, I feel it’s safe to say that they would break the Schnee tradition of maintaining the strict control over individual expression and encourage their children to design unique emblems for themselves. I think it would be extremely likely that at least one child (most likely the first born, but perhaps the second or third depending) would merge their emblems together, with the middle third of Blake’s emblem (the central dot and top leaf) serving as the center and the Schnee’s snowflake points surrounding it, or some other manner of combination that would show distinct ties to both parents. Perhaps taking Blake’s emblem and stylizing the points of the leaves to mimic the Schnee snowflake and adding more leaves, making the design symmetrical- those sorts of alterations.

I think this goes for semblances as well; although the Schnees have “hereditary semblances”, I think any children Blake and Weiss have would be capable of creating unique semblances, although they will likely still be able to summon and generate glyphs. Again, I default to the only other example of closely related individuals we have: the Branwens. Now, Qrow’s semblance throws this theory out, unfortunately, but I have been working under the assumption that all semblances are hereditary, just in a different manner than what we understand the term to mean.

Without clear evidence of Qrow’s semblance (V1-3), Raven and Yang are the only ones we’ve seen, and though their semblances manifest in strikingly different ways, they share a common theme: damage redirection. While Yang internalizes the damage she suffers and deals it back tenfold, Raven can apparently create wormhole-like portals that would redirect projectiles and could even deflect blows depending on how she can control them. In the V3 fight against Winter, Qrow also displayed signs of damage redirection (although I guess we’re going with the canon explanation of ‘bad luck’), seeing as several times when Winter attacks, the force appears to not hit Qrow but does damage his surroundings. (There’s also a moment after one of these particular attacks where there’s a sound effect and an animation tick with Qrow’s eyes; it’s a blink and you miss it thing, but damn did it stand out when, in the very next episode, they talk about hereditary semblances and there’s only one character who has something happen to her eyes when her semblance is active, and she just so happens to be related to Qrow.) With these three examples, we have three semblances that share a common theme but do so in different ways: Yang internalizes damage to redirect it while Raven and Qrow externalize damage to redirect it, which again is in keeping with the twin theme and keeping their individuality distinct but closely related. This is also in keeping with Yang’s characterization as being the Team Mom and a caring individual; she would be the type to internalize her own negative feelings for others’ benefit. This is how an individual’s personality affects their semblance and how it manifests. Yang’s child(ren) would likely retain this damage redirection theme but would develop it in a way that’s unique to them. I think it’s also highly likely that Ruby’s semblance comes in part from Taiyang, as Ruby’s speed is a lot like Yang’s strength, both being amplified while their semblances are active, whereas the appearance of rose petals probably comes from Summer’s side of the family. (If not the petals, then perhaps the way her semblance seems to affect her cloak/cape, seeing as that’s something Summer also wore. Because this is a hereditary, Ruby wouldn’t need first hand knowledge on how her mother’s semblance manifested to portray a certain aspect of it.) Again, because of the emphasis on children choosing their own path in expressing their individuality, Yang and Ruby have unique semblances that appear to share nothing in common, but would likely have a small thread connecting them.

The Schnees, on the other hand, have an overtly ‘hereditary’ semblance due to the emphasis on stifling individuality and following in the footsteps of those who came before. Weiss can summon not because Winter can summon but because she was raised believing that she was supposed to be able to summon. Same thing with the glyphs; Winter and Weiss share these traits because they were raised from a very young age to believe that’s what they’re meant to be able to do, rather than discovering their abilities on their own. In this manner, I think Weiss’ child(ren) would be still be capable of summoning (because it would take more than a single generation of “Schnees can summon” to fade into obscurity) but wouldn’t be able to perfectly replicate Winter and Weiss’ style of summoning, because Weiss wouldn’t raise them to believe that was all they were capable of doing. (In a way, it’s like the old story about tying elephants with ropes, if that helps.) I also think this in part explains why Weiss initially had difficulties summoning, but that’s another story.

All of this also happens to be my basis for the conflict between Qrow and Winter that’s referenced in V3. Being old enough to have likely learned about her family’s/father’s thoughts on the war, Winter likely actively chose to rebel against her father and his controlling manner, embracing the ideals of the winning side. That’s why she specifically became a Specialist- to be a unique asset out of many, to literally be ‘special’ in a way that her father/family would revile. Qrow, on the other hand, has seen first hand what damages a complete lack of control generate: Raven and the pain she’s caused Taiyang and Yang. I think V4 kinda confirmed her as being something of a loose canon, concerned about her own interests and little else, which probably caused a bit of resentment in Qrow. He would probably come to see such encouragements for a person to do what they wished as inherently flawed advice and want to see a bit more control, someone actively discouraging a person from doing things with the expectation that they’ll listen and not fight about it, essentially supporting the ideals that were defeated in the war. At some point, Winter and Qrow crossed paths and the war came up, at which point they found each other being unable to see the other’s point of view despite having historical reasons to agree with each other. It also lends a bit more context to Qrow’s line “you specialists think you’re so special” and Winter’s reply of “it’s in the name”; he’s demeaning her idea that being special somehow makes her better than her father whereas she’s pointing out how, as a Schnee, she’s already better than him for not following him into the SDC. However, just as many years ago, neither side is willing to bend and instead fight to resolve their differences (which they can’t).

Anyway, that’s way more than you asked and mostly useless because it relies on continuity that isn’t present, but those are the ‘rules’ I operate under when creating/writing characters and fics within RWBY’s universe.

[epicmeetsfail]

Fortnite Season 8 release date – Fortnite skins, Season 8 map changes, theories, Battle Pass http://bit.ly/2U6Vgcn

As we slide further into the new year, Fortnite’s Season 8 is sailing ever closer, set to arrive in the next few weeks. So it’s about time we take a proper look at the deluge of theories and info on what to expect in this new season.

Our Fortnite Season 8 guide is simply saturated with everything we know about the upcoming Season 8 release, detailing its start date as well as the most likely theories regarding map changes, skins, themes, and much more. So without further ado, let’s dive in!

Aside: RPS may not be held responsible for any distress or bodily harm brought about as a result of our blatant overuse of water- and ice-related puns in the above paragraphs.

Fortnite Season 8 release date

Season 8 of Fortnite looks set to release on Thursday 28 February. According to Epic Games, the end of Season 7 was delayed by two weeks beyond the customary ten weeks, so that the team could take a two-week break over Christmas.

Epic’s usual approach is to bring their servers offline at around 8 AM GMT to start off the new season, and the downtime usually lasts three-to-four hours. But after that, we’ll all be free to explore the new map and Battle Pass together for (presumably) the next ten weeks, meaning Season 8 will be with us until Thursday 9 May, whereupon Season 9 will begin.

Season 8 skins, theme, Battle Pass

One recent discovery hidden in Fortnite’s map, which may indicate the theme of Season 8’s skins and Battle Pass, was a cluster of what appear to be giant dragon eggs in the castle atop Polar Peak. What’s more, you can clearly hear heartbeats emanating from the eggs if you are near enough to them – so whatever is inside is definitely alive, and waiting for the right moment to hatch.

This prompted reddit user LethalSnowmeme to post a lengthy theory explaining how we might soon see a resurgence of medieval and Arthurian-themed skins and phenomena for Season 8, much like we saw in Season 2, which brought with it numerous knight skins and accompanying cosmetic items. Backing up this claim is a recent update to Fortnite’s Save The World mode, which introduces a new medieval weapons set; and the previous release of the (hilariously game-breaking) Infinity Blade, which also resided atop Polar Peak, and alluded to Epic Games’s mobile game of the same name, which features a great deal of knightly and medieval imagery and themes.

Oh, and guess what? The Infinity Blade game also features dragons.

Whether we’ll see dragons taking the form of cosmetics such as dragon-bone pickaxes, or just as part of the spectacle which brings about the change in seasons remains unclear… But now that Epic have dipped their toes in the waters of aerial combat with the Stormwings, many players are asking whether it’s too far out of the realms of possibility that we might get rideable dragons. Or might we somehow be able to harness the power of the dragons in order to create new elemental weapons? Only time will tell; fortunately we won’t have too long to wait.

(Above footage source)

Fortnite Season 8 map changes

Rumours of what the overarching theme of Season 8 might be were also kickstarted by the appearance of a mysterious giant sphere of ice, poised in the sky just above Polar Peak, within which the Ice King resided for a short time. Just this past weekend, an in-game event witnessed by many thousands of players simultaneously saw the Ice King emerge from his icy bubble and cast an ice storm which blanketed the entire map in snow, and unleashed icy versions of the zombies we last saw around Halloween of 2018 across the island. If you missed it, take a look at these cinematic shots caught by Reddit user “savage_star_gaming” below.

Cinematic shots, if you missed it. from r/FortNiteBR

All this points to one thing: fire and ice both have major roles to play in the coming weeks. The Ice Storm was predicted by a great many people after the sphere first appeared, and we believe this only consolidates our theory that Season 8 will bring a great deal of water to the map as the ice and snow thaws away in the transition from Winter to Spring. It may even be that the eggs hatch in the next in-game event, and fire-breathing dragons cause the island to thaw into its Season 8 form in a matter of seconds.

But, I hear you ask, if we’re to see a multitude of springs and lakes crop up across the map in Season 8, won’t this be treading on Loot Lake’s toes a little? And water isn’t exactly the most fun terrain to navigate through, anyway, right?

That’s why some players are theorising that we’ll see some changes made to how players interact with water for Season 8. Perhaps instead of treading water we’ll be able to submerge ourselves completely? And with the recent expansion of Fortnite’s arsenal of vehicles, might we expect boat and submarines to make their first appearances? If this is indeed the case, it’s fun just imagining how the introduced verticality of underwater play might affect build battles and final circle fights.

Season 8 new locations

The other question to ask is how existing locations might change, and whether new ones will be added and old favourites taken away. The advent of Season 7 disposed of Risky Reels, Greasy Grove, and Flush Factory. The first few weeks of Season 6 was dominated by a floating island that moved across the map from match to match. Travel back even further, and old favourites such as Moisty Mire were discarded in favour of new hotspots such as Paradise Palms and Westworld.

So how can we expect our favourite spots to fare against the onset of Season 8? A sudden thaw might well turn Polar Peak into an enormous 360-degree waterfall surrounded by lakes, or some similar striking landmark. We’ll presumably also see a new Loot Lake rival in the form of the frozen lake just north of Polar Peak.

But now that the snow has covered the entire map, we may well see major changes not just in the south-west corner but to other areas of the map which have remained untouched for a long time, such as Junk Junction, Pleasant Park, Lucky Landing, or Salty Springs. It feels like the north-east section of the island is overdue some major changes. They added The Block, admittedly; but compared to the major towns in the other areas of the map, there’s still comparatively little to lure players to the top-left corner.

Whatever the changes may be, it’s safe to expect they will be elemental in nature, the result of either fire or ice – or perhaps both forces together.

That’s just about everything we know so far on the upcoming arrival of Season 8 of Fortnite Battle Royale; but do check back here for all the latest information, as we track the activities of the map, the sphere, and everything else we deem to be of interest. In the meantime, do check out our [cms-block] series, which contains all sorts of useful explanations, tips and strategies on how to become a seasoned Fortnite killer, including detailed explanations of all the [cms-block], guides on the various [cms-block], a full rundown of all the best [cms-block] for loot and safety, and much more.

January 22, 2019 at 02:13PM

[westfallingforchaol]

Salaam! I’ve started to think that I should just stop apologizing for disappearing for weeks on end because I feel guilty, and then I end up making promises I can never keep, and it becomes a vicious cycle. So, no more apologies. Just that school started, and it’s already kicking my ass. Also, my laptop broke down- I have no clue what happened. One day, it just up and decided to become stupid, and I couldn’t use it for about a week and a half. That happened. But I got it back this afternoon, so I thought I’d start off by doing a much-needed January wrap-up.

Even though I wasn’t blogging much, January was a pretty decent reading month for me. I read a total of 8 books, which is good since I wasn’t reading anything at all the past couple of months. Quality-wise, you probably know how I am by now… it goes up and down. For the most part, the books I read ranged from good to pretty good, and that’s honestly all I can ask, ha. I did read something awful though, but more on that later.

Personal

So… guess who I met? If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you might be unaware of this but I met Zayn a week or so ago. I love him to death- I think he’s both an incredible artist and an incredible human being. I was never a One Direction fan, but I distinctly remember thinking that Zayn was super attractive and had a unique voice; when he went solo, I really began to pay attention to him. Almost a year after his album release, I still listen to his songs almost every single day. I’ve binge-watched interviews and videos and stalked his social media, and he’s such a humble, grounded, adorable person.

Meeting him was incredible. He was so gracious and lovely; when I was taking a photo with him, my hand was shaking out of nerves so he reached out and steadied my phone. He was so kind to all his fans… and just in case you’re wondering, yes, he’s just as attractive in real life. :)

I also saw one of my favorite bands live! I’ve seen Kings of Leon live once before back in 2014, and they’re so incredible that I couldn’t possibly miss their 2017 tour. Protip: there are two things you need to do in your life:

See a rock concert in Madison Square Garden

See Kings of Leon on tour

I won’t pretend like I’ve seen a ton of concerts, but I’ve been to a few big rock ones, and there’s something that sets Kings of Leon apart from the rest. They make sure their fans get their money’s worth of performances. They performed 28 songs. One after the other with minimal pauses in between- so energizing, so rapid-fire but so, so good. If you like even just a couple of their songs, I’d highly recommend seeing them live. Despite not being my favorite band of all-time (that crown goes to Linkin Park) I still prefer their concerts over anybody else’s.

On Choosing a Different Path for Myself

Some of you might know this already, but I’m studying Applied Psychology at NYU. I just started the second semester of my junior year, which means I’ll be graduating in just over a year- which is insane just to think about. But I’ve decided that I want to switch…

Well, not really “switch” per se, but do something more advanced. Which is medicine! Surprise, surprise. When I went to Los Angeles over the winter break, I had a talk with a couple of my relatives, both of whom are psychiatrists. By talking to them and their constant affirmations that I was born to go into medicine, I started thinking. What do I want from my life? What do I want out of my career? And you might judge me for this, and I know this is probably why I’ve been sorted into Slytherin my entire life- I want to be successful. I want to be rich, lol, and I want to work for the money I earn. I want to travel. I want a good house, and a nice car. I want to be able to give my parents the chance to retire and sit back and relax while I am able to fulfill their needs. I want to buy stuff without looking at the price-tag, and I want to be able to give to causes that I support without compromising my day-to-day actions for lack of finances.

But that’s not just it. I wanted to become a psychologist so I could help South Asian youth who suffer from mental illnesses and are stigmatized and dehumanized. And I can do that. I can do that if I become a psychiatrist. I can do something good all while making a decent life for myself and my family. It’s going to take many extra years, particularly because I’ll have to take an extra year after my undergraduate to fulfill my pre-med requirements. But that’s a cost I’m willing to pay, you know? It was a scary decision to make. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m still not sure I have the brains to get into med school, but you know. I’ll go down with everything I’ve got. It’s honestly a little terrifying, but I’ve enrolled for the first class that’ll help me get there, and I’m ready.

But that’s all I’m going to ramble about. You came here for a reading wrap-up, so here it is!

Reading Wrap-Up

Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon | 1.5 stars | Review

This rating may come as a surprise to many, but I really disliked this book – not because the technical aspects were bad, but because the themes were so offensive that it didn’t sit well with me. I was enjoying it at first; the fun additions of notes and charts and illustrations added character, and I was interested in the character’s experience with her disability. But then the love interest was introduced, which made the book extremely insta-lovey, and that was also when the ableist themes came into play. This book was one big message of: you can’t be happy and you can’t have a normal love-life if you have a disability. Which is wrong on so many levels and completely downplays the experiences of so many. I explain it better in my review, so if you’re interested in learning more, check that out!

Goodreads | Amazon

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo | 3.5 stars | Review

I had high hopes for this book, and for the most part, it did not disappoint. The main character was immediately likable, and you fully empathized with her desire to move on from a traumatic event and to fit in with a new group of people. My favorite aspect of the book was definitely her topsy-turvy relationship with her father; the nuance and complexity of their dynamic definitely added an extra layer to the otherwise happy book. I also thought that the romance was incredibly cute, even though I thought it was a little insta-lovey. Also, let’s talk about how little attention is given to great female friendships in YA- if you’re looking for a good female-friendship dynamic, check this book out. Trigger warning for transphobia, depression, suicide attempt and outing.

Goodreads | Amazon

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire | 2.5 stars

I had very mixed feelings about this book; on one hand, I thought the world-building was incredible. Or rather, the potential for the world-building was incredible. Conceptually, the book was so strong, but I felt that a lot of the potential was wasted in execution. A ton of the world-building happens through dialogue rather than actual action. Which really bummed me out and kept me from enjoying the book. The characters fell flat for me too. I did, however, really enjoy the balance between whimsy and dark; I thought the plot was brilliant, and had it been carried out better, it would’ve definitely gotten a higher rating from me. Look out for my full review!

Goodreads | Amazon

Not If I See You First by Eric Lindstrom | 4 stars

This was perhaps my favorite book of the month, which was a surprise because I didn’t know what to expect when I went into it. I’ve only ever read one other book with a blind protagonist, and this one was completely different in tone from that one. I was wary at first because the protagonist is so bitter and mean and sarcastic, and I approached it with caution because it seemed to give off the vibe that she was that way because she lost her sight. But as the story progressed, as the main character developed and grew through relationships and interactions with the people around her, as she learned more about her past and her life and came to terms with her vulnerabilities, the beauty of the book came to light. It was truly a beautiful book, and another one with really amazing female friendships. Definitely a must-read! And look out for my review!

Goodreads | Amazon

The Young Elites & The Rose Society by Marie Lu | 3.5 stars each

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So, I know I’m late to the game, and I know everyone and their mother loves this series- and I understand why. Even though I didn’t give either book a great rating, I really enjoyed them both and am definitely looking forward to the finale. I think what makes this series stand out so starkly amongst its peers is the fact that it’s basically a villain’s coming-to-power story and then I’m guessing her subsequent downfall. I love the complexity of Adelina’s character; I enjoy how you empathize with her but also constantly criticize her choices because she’s going too far. I love the world-building, and the writing’s solid. I sometimes feel that the secondary characters feel flat, and also that Adelina’s still too likable to be called a villain. I want to see her pushed further so I can fully give her the label of villain, because I don’t think she’s there yet. Which was my main gripe with the second book. I won’t be doing an individual review for each book, but I’ll do a joint review for the trilogy!

Goodreads | Amazon

The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace (ARC) | 3.5 stars

I don’t read a ton of poetry, but I picked this one up because I’m mutuals with the author on Twitter, and it won an award, and it’s been getting a ton of hype. It’s basically word porn. I think a lot of the poems in this are incredibly relatable; it covers topics like mental health, body image, family dynamics, loss and death, abusive relationships, moving on, self-love, feminism and strength. A lot of the values I hold myself were reflected in this, and Lovelace definitely has a way with weaving words together so that they say a lot in very few characters. I enjoyed the first two parts of the book much, much more than the last one- which I felt was a little dragged and didn’t fit in with the tone of the other parts. But if you’re looking to get into poetry and aren’t sure where to start, check this out.

Goodreads | Amazon

Life in a Fishbowl (ARC) by Len Vlahos | 3 stars

Okay, so let me preface this by saying that the premise of this book is very misleading. The reality television aspect of it doesn’t come into play until well past the 30 or 40% mark- and believe it or not, I was really, really enjoying the book before the TV part was introduced. Definitely the strongest feature of the book is the writing. Vlahos is incredibly gifted; he’s clearly honed and polished his voice to perfection. It’s snarky, it’s intelligent, it’s satirical and hilarious and also surprisingly simple. Just reading his words made the experience delightful. His decision to tell the story from approximately eight perspectives was a gutsy move, but he pulled it off. The relationships, the themes were all spot on. It’s just that the storyline began to drag after the 60% mark, and the characters didn’t undergo any development, which I would have really liked to see. Even so, this was such a fun, fast-paced book, and I’d recommend it to anyone. Full review to come!

Goodreads | Amazon

Blogging

So, I’ve talked a little already about how I basically failed at blogging this month- I’ve never been so far behind my reviews. Because blogging sucked so much, I’m not going to do a post-to-post wrap-up like I usually do. But I’ll just leave a link to the Diversity Bingo 2017 event that I, and a few other friends are hosting. It’s basically a year-long reading event where you need to read 36 books that fit into a bingo sheet, each fulfilling a facet of diversity. You can find more information (and my TBR) here.

I also compiled a list of the diverse books releasing between January and June of this year. I know that I could have really used a masterlist, and in compiling it, I introduced myself to so many awesome-sounding books. If you’d like to check it out (and share, if you can please!), you can do so right over here.

The last post I’ll feature is my top 10 books of 2016. If you’re interested in seeing what the standouts of last year were, you can check them out here.

Also, I’m making a massive change to the blog- something that I think is important for my sanity, ha. I’m getting a co-blogger! I’ve already spoken to someone about it; she’s a friend that I got to know over Twitter. She’s incredible- kind, open-minded, thoughtful and just super wonderful in general. I’m not going to announce who exactly it is just yet- we’ll do that together when she writes her introduction post and she can officially be integrated into the website. Which also means that a URL change is in order. I can’t have a co-blogger and keep it my name. I’ll purchase the bookshelvesandpaperbacks.com domain soon, so just a heads up!

What I’ve Been Watching and Listening To

So, y’all probably know by now that A Series of Unfortunate Events was released on Netflix, which I binge-watched and freaked out over. The books were such an integral part of my childhood, and it felt so wonderful to revisit the characters and the story. The show stays so true to the books- from the narration to the sets to the whimsical, weird, magical-realism-type tone, everything feels like home. The casting is spot-on. I love Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf, and it took me some time to warm up to the children, but I love them all dearly now. Go check the trailer out:

As for music, I’m going to be fully basic and just talk about Zayn a lot more, ha. I barely listened to anything except for his new track with Taylor Swift. I really don’t like her, guys. The fact that the song is the soundtrack for Fifty Shades Darker really doesn’t help, but come on, it’s Zayn. I had to give it a try- and I haven’t stopped listening to it since. I’ve often wanted a version where it was just him singing, and guess what- yesterday, he dropped an acoustic version where it’s just him and a guitar. It’s honestly heaven-sent, and even though it was released in February, I couldn’t go without including it here. Check it out- it almost seems like a completely different song, and I haven’t listened to the original since!

So that’s it for last month’s wrap-up. I know, I had a lot to talk about- it was a busy month and a lot was happening in life. Kudos to you if you made it this far into the post. Let me know in the comments below what your month was like? As always, thanks for stopping by and happy reading!

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Wrap Up | January ’17 Salaam! I've started to think that I should just stop apologizing for disappearing for weeks on end because I feel guilty, and then I end up making promises I can never keep, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

[kayincolwyn]

Darkness, Light, Time, and Everything, Everything (reflection, 11-19-2017)

I had meant to write and post this sometime around Halloween a couple of weeks ago, though I didn't have the time for it, but here I am...

It's November, only a few days till Thanksgiving, and the leaves are falling and the rains are coming and the days are growing shorter and the nights are growing longer and it's getting colder, and I am thinking about how darkness and light mingle together, both in nature and in life, and about time, looking back and looking forward and at each moment, and then the mix of everything in the world and in our lives, and what matters most in the mix of everything.

And I guess that's what this reflection will be about.

I'll begin by talking about the music of swedish musician Anna Von Hausswolff. In my last reflection, Passion, People, and the Heart and Art of Kristen Stewart, I touched on Stewart's latest film Personal Shopper, but I didn't mention in my reflection that that was where I also first discovered Anna Von Hausswolff, whose beautiful song Track Of Time played during the end credits. After hearing that song I decided to look her up on Youtube and I quickly fell in love with her music, and she is now one of my favorite musicians.

Her music is creative and rich in its sound, including elements of classical and ambient and rock, while her lyrics are deep, poetic, and heartfelt, and overall her music has a kind of spiritual quality to it.

In her beautiful and thought provoking video for her song Track Of Time (which you can watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tFWBw0-g1M) you watch as Anna walks quietly and reflectively through an old house as the song plays:

You keep troubles in your mind. And you keep them there all the time. And you won't share them apart, 'cause of your broken heart, you keep losing your time. You keep losing your time.

Hope is a pearl that your share. You share it all the time with people all around. And, you can't seem to find time But, you can't seem to find time And you loose it all the time. You can't keep tracking your time. You lose it. All the time. You lose it all the time. You lose it all the time, the track of time.

Hope is a pearl that I share. I share it with you. It's a pearl that I share. I share it with you, all the time. I share it with you, all the time. So I lose my track of time. I can't keep tracking my time. I lose it. All the time I lose it all the time I lose it all the time I lose it all the time, the track of time

he picks up an old watch from a drawer in the house at one point, looking at it solemnly and reflectively, the watch clearly a symbol of time, of the time that is being lost, the track of time, and during a chorus there is this ominous dark shadow that rears in a corner of a room in the house and there are images of her screaming silently as she runs through the woods, but then she finds an old harmonica in the house which she plays as she kneels down in the snow while the sun shines on her, the harmonica maybe a symbol of hope, and there are images of dark paintings and she paints dark lines on her face and her body, and of her lighting a candle, then at night she sets fire to the dark paintings as she kneels in the snow, and then at the end of the video she stands in the daylight still covered with dark lines and with the watch around her neck and she smiles as the video ends. When I watch it I feel like Anna is trying to express and share something very deep and meaningful to her through her music and through the video, and there is something raw and powerful and pure about it, and I think it speaks to everything I wanted to talk about here.

I know this is only my interpretation, but I think Anna, in her song and her video, is trying to express something about the mix of darkness and light in our lives and within ourselves, as well as the passing of time, our memories, about how the darkness that we experience in our lives may come and go, the light coming in to take its place, but just as easily the light that we experience in our lives may come and go as well, the darkness coming in to take its place, and sorrow and hope mingle together in our lives and come and go like the seasons, and all of this remains with us and is part of who we are, the darkness and the light are part of who we are, though we need not let the darkness and sorrow that we experience and that is part of us consume us, as we can light candles in the dark, and we can set fire to all of that darkness with our hope, a hope that we share, like music in our memories and in our heart, and in the end the key is to learn to embrace all of this, the darkness that is part of us but also the light that is part of us, all the time that we can lose track of but can also sometimes remember, all of our memories of sorrow and hope, everything that we are and that is part of our journey through life, and then we can smile, and perhaps even find some joy, in the midst of all of this, the simple joy of being alive...

I can resonate with all of this, the mix of darkness and light, sorrow and hope, in my life and inside of myself and being a part of who I am, wrestling with the passage of time and trying to remember what I've gone through and where I've been and what all of that means to me, trying to push back the darkness and sorrow and hold to the light and hope, trying to embrace all of it and every part of myself and find the joy in being alive in the midst of everything...

Recently I wrote this poem where I tried to express how I feel about myself, about how I am a mix of things:

I am a mix of many things of fears and dreams my thoughts and feelings black and white mingling into grey winter walking with spring night mingling with day

I am not one thing or another my soul is more than one shade or color my life a comedy and a drama written together the crowd attending my play as I pace nervously backstage

I am neither on one side or the other neither left nor right believer or skeptic winner or loser on all sides and none man in the middle and outside alone

I am contradictions and juxtapositions selfish giver honest liar faithlessly devoted carrying light and dark within a saint who sins

I am my failure and my potential everything I have done and haven't done everything I will do and won't do every call I answer and every one I ignore

I am a collection of many stories painful and wonderful and a wearer of many faces from laughter to tears a composer of heartache and of hope

I am who I once was and who I am now past and present moving forward as one and the world cannot see this hidden heart held by the stars and the sun

When I wrote this, like Anna I was trying to express something that is deep and meaningful to me, my experience of life and of being here in this world, and of course others may not fully understand what I am trying to express, just as I may not fully understand what Anna was trying to express in Track Of Time, but I believe that this experience of life being darkness and light, and sorrow and hope, intertwined, and of time and memory and the seasons of our lives coming and going and going back and forth, is something that is universal to the human experience and that anyone and everyone could relate to I think...

Recently my good friend Corri introduced me to a podcast for an outfit called The Moth, which has been active since sometime in the 90s I think. The Moth has people who share their stories onstage before an audience that just listens, and over the course of a couple of months while working I listened to hundreds of stories on their podcast, and these stories ranged from hilarious to heartbreaking, some of them lighthearted and silly and others heartfelt and profound, and everywhere in between, and they came from people all over the world and from every walk of life, and listening to these stories gave me a greater feel for how life is indeed a mix of darkness and light, of sorrow and hope, of everything that happens to us and how things change as time inevitably marches on, about laughter and tears and everything in between, and when listening to these stories I felt like I am only one soul among many souls and I am not alone in this human experience.

So while someone like Anna Von Hausswolff has her own journey in life, or the people who share their stories on the Moth have their journeys, and I have mine, and you have yours, at least in some ways we are the same, or are connected by what we share in common in our experience as human beings.

I also recently watched the film Arrival which also touched on some of these themes that I am talking about here. Arrival is one of the best sci-fi films I have ever seen, both intelligent and heartfelt, thought provoking and moving.

The film follows a linguistics professor named Louise who, when twelve strange spacecraft arrive on Earth on different parts of the globe, is tapped to attempt communication with the aliens in these spacecraft. The squidlike aliens communicate in a language that is, well, completely alien, but Louise is, through patience and determination, gradually able to understand their language and communicate with them on some level. The arrival of the aliens however has stirred a great deal of tension and fear among the nations, and while Louise is trying to build a bridge with the mysterious aliens whose intentions are unclear, others are trying to burn them down, and some even wish to declare war on these aliens simply because they assume the worst about them and are afraid of them because they don't understand them. But in the end Louise is able to resolve all of this and change the future by taking hold of the gift that the aliens wanted to bestow on humankind when they arrived, which is a kind of omniscient perception of time, seeing everything, whether past or present or future, all at once, and she uses this ability to avert disaster, but also to find peace by embracing everything in her own life, whether in the past or in the present or in the future, including the darkness and sorrow, the pain and loss, which she will experience in the future, because it is all worth it to her when with it comes light and hope, wonder and joy...

She says, even faced with the knowledge of deep pain and great loss in her future:

'Despite knowing the journey... and where it leads... I embrace it... and I welcome every moment of it.'

Learning to take the bad with the good is one of the hardest lessons we learn in life, and it's a lesson I am still trying to learn myself, though I don't think doing that requires for us to take any joy in the darkness and sorrow and pain and loss that we experience, only that we accept it as part of our experience of life, perhaps learning from it or perhaps not, but always fighting to not be consumed by all of it and trying to hold to everything that may counter it, the light in the dark, the hope in the sorrow, whether in our lives or in ourselves...

And sadly while we don't have the ability, or at least not here in this world, to look at our whole life with a bird's eye view, seeing everything at once, we can at least try to look at it from a larger perspective, seeing how we came through difficulties and struggles and survived them in the past, so we can do so now and in the future, and seeing how there may have been good things in our lives to be thankful for in the past and there may be good things in our lives now, so there may also be good things in the future to be thankful for, or things that give our lives meaning or that give us joy, so life, past and present and future, will always have some mix of both for us, difficulty and struggle as well as meaning and joy, and it is up to us to decide whether or not we embrace all of it...

Recently I watched another film called The Girl With All The Gifts (which was based on a book that I haven't read yet but intend to at some point) which follows a girl named Melanie who is actually a second generation zombie (or 'hungries' as they are called in the film) who ate their way out of their mothers who were pregnant at the time that they became infected, but who unlike the first generation hungries are self aware and intelligent and have emotions just like any other human, in spite of having the same craving for flesh that the first generation hungries have. Melanie feels a connection with her teacher, Miss Justineau, as well as resonating with one of the Greek myths that she tells Melanie and her other students, namely the story of Pandora, who opened a box that released evil on the world, but with it also releasing hope, which was at the bottom of the box.

Melanie is being held along with other second generation hungries at a research facility where they are being studied in hopes of finding a cure for the fungal infection that created this plague that has spread throughout the world. The facility is attacked and overwhelmed by first generation hungries but Miss Justineau and Melanie escape together, and along with Doctor Caldwell, who believes that Melanie is the key to a cure, as well as some soldiers, they go on a journey.

Melanie, while trying to keep her hunger at bay, is able to help them along the way, but eventually, after she discovers that the final gestation period of the fungus culminates in first generation hungries gathering together to form this massive tree with spores that can only be opened with fire or high levels of moisture, rather than allowing herself to be killed so her brain can be studied by Doctor Caldwell, she goes to set the tree on fire, which spreads the spores throughout the world effectively dooming the rest of the human race, but she keeps Miss Justineau (who may end up being the last uninfected human on earth) safe from the spores in a mobile lab while Melanie brings other second generation hungries to her to be taught so they can become the next generation of humans who will create a new world of their own.

So in the end Melanie is like Pandora, seemingly dooming the whole world by bringing darkness and destruction and death upon it, and yet she also brings hope with it, hope in new life arising from death, and for a new world, and perhaps better than the one before it.

When I was a kid I also remember resonating with the story of Pandora, with the idea of hope at the bottom of the box, or a little light in the darkness. I think as human beings most of us try to look for that hope, that light, in our lives or in ourselves, or in our faith or spirituality or whatever we may find meaning in, in the past or the present or the future, and try to hold onto that, sometimes for dear life, feeling as though it is the only thing keeping us afloat in a world that doesn't always make sense to us and seems to be filled with darkness and sorrow, especially when we are knee deep in it ourselves.

One of my favorite prayers is the Breton prayer, which goes something like 'Dear God, please be good to me, for the sea is so wide, and my boat is so small.'

The darkness and sorrow of the world, whether that is in the pain and suffering in it or simply the uncertainty and mystery of it, can sometimes feel overwhelming, and we can feel so small in the face of it, and we may find ourselves looking for help and something solid to stand on in the midst of it, which is what I am looking for when I pray this prayer myself...

A couple of weeks ago people throughout many parts of the world, including myself, celebrated Halloween, which is of course a holiday that focuses on all that is scary and spooky, but I think for some it can also be about finding light in the darkness, or a light to hold the darkness at bay, or it can be about facing our fears, the things that scare us.

Around Halloween I watched a film called The Boys In The Trees, an Australian film that came out last year but takes place in the 90s. In the film a high schooler named Corey is part of a group of friends, a skater gang called the Gromits, who are nearing the end of high school and want to celebrate Halloween by going out and causing trouble as they always do, TPing houses and creeping around graveyards and the like, but before they do they run into a fellow high schooler named Jonah that they always bully at the skate park, and when they knock him down Corey, who is an amateur photographer, takes a picture of him all bloodied after he gets knocked down by the leader of the group, Corey's friend Jango, and they begin to make copies of Corey's picture of Jonah and plaster them around town.

You find out through the course of the film that Corey and Jonah were once close childhood friends, and later that night a somewhat guilty Corey runs into Jonah skateboarding alone at the skate park, where Jonah challenges Corey to go with him on an adventure like they did when they were younger for old times sake, which Corey begrudgingly accepts. When they were boys on Halloween night they would go on a walk through the neighborhood and nearby forest and would tell eachother ghost stories and challenge eachother to face their fears, and this is what they do this night, and fantasy and reality begin blending together for them as the night goes on, while Corey's gang, led by Jango, pursue them, whom Corey later turns against in anger because of how he had treated Jonah.

A mysterious black man in a white suit appears now and then, watching Jonah intently, and they at one point find themselves in a Day Of The Dead type funeral procression led by the man in the suit, where Corey sees a photo of Jonah surrounded by flowers, but they continue to move on, until they reach a tree with lights in it, that contains many of their childhood memories, and they feel great joy as they climb it and remember, reverting to their childhood selves, but soon we flash back to what happened that ended their friendship, when as young boys they were attacked by these two older boys, and Corey ran to save himself while Jonah was left to be sexually assaulted by them, and after that point Corey avoided Jonah for fear of being associated with him and thus getting hurt like him. Corey feels remorse for abandoning his friend then and they reconcile, but then Jonah wants to show him one more thing, leading him to a public fountain, and then Jonah disappears and Corey finds Jonah's dead body floating in the fountain, and you discover that all along Jonah was dead since earlier that day (looking back you realize that through the night Jonah wasn't there or wasn't seen whenever Corey was interacting with anyone else throughout the night, except for all of those people at the funeral procession who were spirits of the dead), either having killed himself or having died in an accident (they don't clarify either way) and it was his spirit that was with Corey through the night, and the man in the suit was there to collect Jonah so he could join the dead.

Corey is devastated, but the friends who had been pursuing him, including Jango, when discovering what had happened to Jonah, feel ashamed for their actions and comfort Corey as best they can as the night comes to a close with the cops surrounding the scene. Flash forward about a year and you see Corey in New York City, fulfilling his dream of becoming a professional photographer, a dream he had set aside until Jonah's death inspired him to move forward, and in celebration of Halloween he is going out wearing the mask that Jonah wore that last night they spent together.

While the ending of the film is of course dark and tragic, what with discovering that Jonah had been dead all along, there is still a light in that darkness because Jonah had been given a chance even in death to somehow reconcile with his old friend Corey, to offer him forgiveness and more importantly help him to find redemption and inspire him to make a better life for himself, and also you find that even those who had bullied Jonah were still capable of humanity when they saw the final consequences of their actions, and instead of mocking Corey for his grief over the loss of his friend they sought to comfort him and be there for him, even if they felt awkward and uncertain while doing it. I thought the ending was beautiful in a way, because it showed that there is always hope, and even beyond death, to set things right, to mend bridges, to heal wounds, that there can be light even in the darkest of circumstances and places (like the tree with the lights in it in the darkness of the night) and that light can change us or give us the courage to move forward.

Lately I've been thinking about all the people in my life that I've become estranged from through the years for different reasons, the people that I hurt or let down in some way or hurt me or let me down, or mutually, or just people who have taken their own path in life and it no longer intersects with mine, and sometimes I wish I could find some way of reconciling or reconnecting with those people, or at least just making peace with them and then parting ways while wishing one another well, and wonder whether I will be able to do that in this life or will have to wait until the next life is there is one to have that kind of opportunity for healing. I honestly don't know, and I wrestle with this, the weight of relationships that fell apart or disintegrated or connections that frayed and faded away, as well as the weight of fear that more of the same kind of thing will happen in the future, and as time goes on this is what I wrestle with in my memory more than just about anything else, the memory of people that have come and gone in my life, the family and the friendships lost one way or another, the mistakes that I have made that have alienated or pushed people away... all of that weighs on me even as I try not to think about it too much because I'm not really sure what to do about it when human relationships and connections are a two way street and oftentimes when I have tried to work things out or reach out the other person had no desire to reciprocate, which has left me discouraged and saddened and sometimes reserved to the thought that disintegration and loss are always going to be an inevitable part of life... But I guess I can still hope that one way or another, in the end, there will be a chance to work things out, to connect or reconnect, to set things right, to build or mend bridges, to heal wounds, to bring some light, whether the light of forgiveness or grace or hope or healing, into dark places, like Jonah was able to do with Corey in Boys In The Trees...

And this brings me to another movie that I watched recently, as well as reading the book it was based on, called Everything, Everything.

I watched the movie and read the book back in the summer, and I enjoyed them both. The story centers around a young woman (who is about 18) named Maddy, who is half African-American and half Japanese, and who supposedly has a disease called SKIDs that weakens her immune system to the point that she can't be exposed to anything really for fear that she will get horribly sick and die because of her weakened immune system.

Her mother Pauline, who is also her doctor, set up their home to be sterile and clean and safe for Maddy, and aside from her mother and their housekeeper Carla and Carla's daughter Rosa no one is allowed in their home, and Maddy has never gone outside since she was a baby. She is an avid reader and blogger, and she gets most of her education through the internet, and considering her circumstances she is overall patient and positive, but her inability to go outside gives her a deep sense of curiosity and wonder about the world around her, as well as an aching and longing to experience things that she believes she will likely never have a chance to experience in her life. She is for the most part content with her life, or at least tries to be... until Ollie comes into her life.

Ollie is a young man, around her age, that moves with his family into the house across the street, and when they see one another through eachother's windows there is a connection and he holds up his email address on a piece of paper and then they begin communicating, and as they say, the rest is history.

They gradually begin to fall in love, then Carla, without permission from Pauline, lets Ollie come over to meet Maddy, and of course sparks fly, but eventually Pauline finds out and forbids Maddy to ever see Ollie again, as well as firing Carla for her part in everything. Eventually Maddy decides that she can't live like she has been living anymore and risks her life to be with Ollie and also to experience the world in the way she has always wanted to, so after leaving a note for her mother explaining everything she is feeling she leaves and runs off with Ollie, going to Hawaii (using a credit card she had secretly applied for online), which is the place her parents had went to together with her when she was a baby before her father and brother were tragically killed in a car crash. Maddy is able to see and experience the ocean for the first time, and she and Ollie make love, and she is full of joy, but then she becomes deathly ill, after which her mother finds out where she is and comes to take her home where she recovers from the illness. After this Maddy retreats into herself and stops communicating with Ollie in her hopelessness, and eventually he moves away to New York City, and Maddy is left heartbroken.

But not long after this she discovers a terrible secret that her mother had been keeping from her for 18 years, namely that she had never had SKIDs and was never really sick, and that after the death of her father and brother when Maddy was still a baby, because she couldn't stand the thought of losing her daughter as well she convinced herself that Maddy was sick so she would have some excuse to shield her from the world and keep her to herself, and she also finds out that the illness she had in Hawaii was simply some infection she had by chance picked up, and the doctors tell her that while she doesn't have SKIDs, she does have a somewhat underdeveloped immune system simply because of her lack of exposure to the world, so she will need to take it slow.

Needless to say when Maddy discovers all of this she is shattered and enraged and she runs away from home and Pauline, going to stay with Carla. Eventually after the initial shock she decides to try to make a new start, and she finds out where Ollie is, in New York City, and she goes there to meet him at a local bookstore, where they reunite and embrace eachother.

While the story is a little far fetched in some ways, I appreciated it and it resonated with me in some ways, and I really liked the character of Maddy. Maddy reminded me a lot of one of my dearest friends, Annie, who lives in Nairobi, Kenya, and who shares much in common with Maddy, like always trying to be patient and positive even in the face of very difficult circumstances, and not having much opportunity or as much opportunity as she would like to experience the world and having a longing and aching to be able to do that. I was going to try and send Annie a copy of the book as I think she would really resonate with it.

Anyways, I also appreciated it and resonated with it because I've felt trapped myself at times, not being able to experience certain things in life that I wish I could, feeling as though I am trapped behind glass looking out, seeing that others have something that I can only dream of, and also there was how Maddy struggles with the mix of darkness and light in her life, whether the darkness of her mother's betrayal, or the light of her mother's desire to protect her because of her fierce love for her, or the darkness of Ollie's family struggles (especially with an alcoholic father), or the light of their blossoming relationship and love for eachother even in the face of difficult circumstances and seemingly insurmountable barriers that are between them, or the darkness of her fear of sickness and death, or the light of experiencing the world in the way she has dreamed of for the first time, and she discovers how life is a meeting between light and darkness, between pain and joy, between fear and love.

In the book you find out that her favorite book is The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, and in her blog her summary of the book is that 'love is everything, everything'.

In The Little Prince, there is a memorable quote where it says “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

Sometimes just thinking about all the complexities of life, the world, the universe, and of everything, can be really overwhelming, as I said above... the darkness or the light that I have experienced in my life or that you have experienced in yours or that any of us experience in our lives, memories of the past and then the ever moving present and uncertainty of the future, the mix of hopes and dreams with fears and doubts, and the things that I don't understand and the questions that I can't answer, whether about the world or the universe or even about myself... And it can all be so overwhelming, especially when I think about how small I am or how small I feel, like a lonesome soul in a little boat on a vast sea praying to an unseen God that may or may not exist or may or may not care.

But in this vast sea of darkness and light and time and of everything with the eyes of the heart I try to look for what is most essential, even if it is invisible, what matters most and is the everything amidst the everything. For Maddy it is love, whether the love of Ollie or simply the love of life, the love of everything that gives you joy or gives your life meaning and purpose, or love as some benevolent force behind things that can hold us together even when things keep falling apart. For me I guess it could be love, or maybe hope, or some vague notion of a warm and comforting embrace in the dark that I can't even put a name to, whatever pearl that you want most to share, whatever makes it all worth it, whatever it is that is at the bottom with you when you are at the bottom of the box, whatever light there is in trees in your darkness, or whatever is everything to you in the everything...

To bring this to a close, I wanted to talk about a dream that I had a few days ago.

In the dream I remember wandering around trying to meet these different women, one of them that might have been Elvira (yeah kind of weird I know, although I would like to meet her as she seems really cool, but anyways) and another being some musician or other celebrity whose name I can't remember and may not even be a real person, but I wasn't able to meet either of them as there were so many people that were surrounding them they were unreachable, but there was this other woman, a beautiful woman that I knew somehow named Alana, and I think she was outside, like on a bridge or maybe some kind of pier, as it felt like we were near the ocean (and there were other people around us but I didn't feel crowded by them, whereas the other women had been indoors and I felt more crowded by all the people around them) and there we embraced and her embrace felt warm and comforting and it was like we were one in that moment, almost as though I was hugging part of myself... it was beautiful. I can't remember anything after that though and I woke up soon after. After waking up I got out of bed and when I opened my bedroom door my wife Kaylyn was standing there, as she was just about to come in to grab something, and she gave me a hug, the hug feeling not so different from the one in my dream. After this I felt even more that the dream was meaningful in some way.

Now the only person I have known named Alana was a girl I kind of sort of dated in high school, really the only girl that I could have called a girlfriend during that time, and I guess you could have called her my first love, though not much happened between us, we never even kissed let alone more than that, and things didn't last very long or work out with us, and although I have her on my friends list and there is no bad blood between us or anything we don't really talk anymore and aren't close friends or anything. I wondered if the dream was about her, but considering how we aren't really close, and also considering the woman in that dream didn't really look like her, I wondered if the dream might not be about her, or maybe only symbolically and not in any literal sense.

So out of curiosity I looked up the meaning of the name Alana, and there were a couple of meanings, one being 'fair' or 'beautiful' and another being 'precious child'. I also looked up the meaning of hugging in dreams online and on a number of sites found the interpretation that hugging in dreams can mean learning to embrace a part of yourself or your life.

Maybe in some sense, at least symbolically, it was about the Alana I knew, in that she is a reminder of my past, of who I was back then, almost twenty years ago, foolish and immature in many ways but also wanting to be loved and accepted and not wanting to be alone, and while some things change other things stay the same...

But maybe it also meant that I should learn to embrace all that is fair and beautiful in my life and all around me, while also learning to embrace all that is fair and beautiful within myself, including the 'precious child' within.

A couple days ago I was listening to a interview on a Youtube channel I recently discovered called New Thinking Allowed which is from a TV interview show on PBS, and the interviewer, Jeffrey Mishlove, was talking Charles Whitfield, who is the author of a book called Healing The Child Within, and Charles Whitfield believes that there is a child within us, that innocent and pure part of us, and that child within us is our true self, our real self, and then everything that is built around that over the years in order to survive is our false self, which may be useful for our survival at times especially early on but isn't who we really are at our core.

While I'm not completely sure about this way of looking at things, it does resonate to some extent, and I have often felt that who I really am at my core is this scared and lonely but also curious and kind little boy, that at my center there is something vunerable, or someone tender, but built around that is all the masks I wear whether conciously or subconciously to get by in a world where I often feel uncomfortable or unsure of myself, an adult who in some ways still feels like a kid, as well as all the addictions and bad habits and ego and selfishness that I struggle with in my life and in myself.

Perhaps the other women in the dream were meant to represent less real parts of myself, masks that I wear or faces that I put on, that may attractive or beautiful on the surface and that others may appreciate or be drawn to but aren't who I really am at my core, masks and faces that keep me hiding inside, or lost in the crowd, while Alana may have represented my true self, or the most real, vunerable, tender, and beautiful part of myself, or who I really am at bottom...

Alternatively, the other women may have also represented all the things I chase after in my life that may be attractive or enjoyable or desirable to me but ultimately at the end of the day aren't as real or meaningful or fulfilling, while Alana represented all that is truly fair and beautiful in my life, all that is most precious, including the people that I love and that love me, like my wife Kaylyn for example.

I think all of this is another way of saying that I have both darkness and light within me, and the world has both darkness and light in it too, and while the darkness can seem bigger and stronger at times it isn't who I really am and isn't what life really is at bottom, the light, while it can seem smaller and weaker at times, is who I really am and what life really is at bottom.

And there are times when I may forget about that light within me, forget about that part of myself that is most tender and true, and also times when I may forget about the light all around me and that is most tender and true in the world, and I may lose track of time and lose track of all of this sometimes as I get lost in the day to day shuffle, being stuck in this linear step by step experience of life where one moment fades to the next and sometimes it is hard to hold onto everything including everything that matters most.

I guess all I can do is try to hold on, hold onto what is most fair and beautiful, what is most precious, what is most real and true, whether in ourselves or in the world around us, and I guess that is all any of us can do.

As I said in the poem that I wrote that I shared above, I am a mix of things, of contradictions and juxtapositions, and I know how far I am from perfect or having it all together, and how far I am from being all that I wish to be, and I know that the world too is a mix of things, of contradictions and juxtapositions, and I also know that it too is far from perfect and doesn't have it all together, and isn't all that we wish it to be... but we are who we are, and this world is what it is... but even while we may lose track of time, and all that is good in ourselves and in our lives, maybe there is hope we can find and even share, and maybe stories we can tell as we embrace the journey, and maybe we can find light at the bottom of our boxes full of darkness, and find healing in the midst of pain and new life in the midst of death, our everything in the everything in the eyes of our hearts, the precious child in a sea of faces, a warm embrace when we awake and open the door...

Hold on to the light in the darkness, to the moment in the track of time, to your everything in the everything... hold on.

[whatisgameofthrones]

Everything I know about Game of Thrones

Note: I am not 100% sure about any of the following facts.

There is a character named Jon Snow. I think I’m spelling that correctly (as opposed to “John Snowe” or something.)

The Game of Thrones television show is shown on HBO, and is based on a series of books by George R.R. Martin. Are there two “R”s? It might just be George R. Martin. Yeah, I think I’m getting him confused with Tolkien, whose name was just a mix of letters then “Tolkien”.

Mr. George Martin has not finished the books, so the television show has diverged from the books at some point. I’m somewhat curious what the people that read the books first will think of this. Once Mr. Martin finishes the books, will people be saying, “Oh, that’s cool but the show was better”?

This is either the last or penultimate season of the show. My girlfriend, Sara, (who watches the show and has read the books) said that they’re splitting the final season into two semi-seasons. I trust her because she lives with me and she often does my dishes.

I told my girlfriend that I was going to name this blog “I Know Nothing” and she said that’d be a really appropriate name, but couldn’t explain why. I assume that somebody in Game of Thrones said this at some point. But iknownothing.tumblr.com was already taken so you’re stuck with this.

The phrase “Winter is Coming” reached internet meme status. I’m not sure why. I’m pretty sure I’ve often seen this phrase accompanied by a man in a weather-ready fur coat. Maybe he had a sword, also? This man might be Jon Snow. Perhaps he is just proud of his wintery fur coat, and is merely advising other people to get ready for the cold winter. I think that guy also had a sword, so Game of Thrones probably has swords.

Peter Dinklage is in the show. I don’t think his character is Jon Snow. I think he’s a prince or something. Which makes me assume that Jon Snow isn’t a prince.

There are crows. I’m basing this off of a Game of Thrones-themed beer that Ommegang released. At least, I’m pretty sure it was Ommegang. By the way, I should have mentioned that I’m deliberately not Googling anything about Game of Thrones to guarantee that I don’t accidentally inform myself too much. There have been three(?) Game of Thrones-related beers released by the same brewery, though I don’t remember any of the non-bird-related ones.

There’s a character named “Hodor” who only says the word “Hodor”. My girlfriend actually told me about this character one time when we were having dinner at Jollibee. The following might be a spoiler. From what I remember, Hodor carries some dude around for some reason. Aforementioned dude somehow incepted the mind of Hodor through trees(?) and got him to hold a door for some reason. The phrase “hold the door” got imprinted in his brain as “Hodor” and I guess the rest is history. According to Sara, this is a very emotional and impactful moment of the show that justifies a character that was previously a running joke. Jolilbee has good spicy fried chicken.

There are 7 things. Families? Kingdoms? I only know that there are 7 somethings because Sara told me when we were at Puzzled Pint this month which had a Game of Thrones theme. This month’s puzzles were kinda ‘meh’ in my opinion; no offense to the individual puzzle crafters. The best puzzle set that I’ve seen in recent memory was Sandor’s newspaper-themed puzzles.

There are dragons, which is cool. I like dragons because they’re like dinosaurs, and dinosaurs are just prehistoric birds. And I like birds a lot. I have a brotogeris named Sputnik and she’s a very good bird.

There are zombie-like things called “white walkers”. I only know this because people were making jokes about Game of Thrones having better/more frequent zombies than The Walking Dead. I watched the first couple episodes of The Walking Dead. If I recall, it debuted on a Sunday in October one year. I watched the first couple episodes, and I thought it was pretty good. Then three or four episodes in they skipped a Sunday, and I forgot to watch it after that.

I have heard that the Game of Thrones tabletop game is surprisingly good. I haven’t played it. I’m going to Gen Con this year, and I might try it there.

There’s a chair that appears to be constructed of swords that shows up in Game of Thrones advertisements. I’m not actually sure if this is a real thing in the canon of the story. I assume it’s made of the swords of somebody’s foes, but I’m not sure whose. Maybe this is a (the?) throne in the namesake Game of Thrones? I have no idea what the ‘game’ is, though.

Game of Thrones takes place in a location called Westeros. I don’t know if this is a country or a universe or whatever.

There is a character either named “The Mountain” or played by a guy named “The Mountain”. I might be thinking of another show, though.

[dadsontour]

Dads on tour: I’m on a boat

My dad loves to write a holiday letter. And they’re usually too funny not to share. Names have been changed to protect fellow passengers (you’ll understand why)... 

This letter was received from Argentina after a boat cruise around Cape Horn.

“Long flights are the means to an end but always throw up their challenges. 

After QANTAS decided that my safety was important to them they pulled the plane out of service at the last minute and brought in one that I am sure will be first to go in Alan Joyce’s fire sale when the new ones come on board this year – but it made it!  

I cannot say I have experienced a paper cup delay before – who forgot to put the coffee cups on board?  What’s another 15 minutes!

At least I wasn’t confronted by one of the space Nazis who has to recline their seat in your face as soon as the seat belt lights go off.  

School holidays , what to expect other than a couple of disgruntled teachers sitting behind upset about how the assistant principals conspired to stack the principal selection panel to get one of them up for the principal job, but the plot was overheard by staff.  

Flying south along the Andes from Santiago to Punta Arenas is just another reminder of how elongated Chile is, running some 4500 km north to south and this was over a 3 hour flight to the deeper south. Lots of volcanoes to be seen until the even longer continuous white cloud took over. 

Punta Arenas

Punta Arenas is an interesting place, very much wanting to be part of the tourist scene given its location as a potential jumping off point to Patagonia and colder parts further south.  At the same time it is very much part of the petrochemical scene for Chile.   

Summer temps can get into the mid to higher teens with a day or two of mid twenties in February when the kids take the plunge into the fairly icy waters.   

Beach towels on sale after Christmas – really what was that retailer thinking!

Global warming impacts heavily in Sth America and here the big issue was that the ice skating rink didn’t freeze over last winter for the first year in a long time.

There is no chance of the Donald visiting Patagonia one feels!  I met a lot of Americans hiking in Torres del Paine and did not find one who claimed to have voted for him!

With some trepidation I headed off on a tour of Punta Arenas where the main attraction was the cemetery!  Hmmm!    

Much of this area is steppe used for farming of sheep and more recently cattle in a harsh environment with the original pastoralists coming essentially in hope wanting to make a fresh start in the mid 1800s.  

In came Mr Menendez with his manager Mr Braun. Mr Menendez (Jose to his friends) was given lots and lots of land by the government.  So all the way from Lithuana comes Mr Braun’s sister Sara who manages to marry very quickly more new found wealth.  Her husband dies young and she inherits the biscuits! 

So we now have the wealthiest of the wealthy as the Brauns and the Menendez’s.  Needless to say Mr Braun’s son then marries Jose Menendez’s daughter and the deal is done.  

The Brauns control all the wealth.  Sara has a palace built adjoining the main square with a special little sun chamber constructed at the front to enable her to watch the goings on of the locals.  

Mr Braun builds his palace next door with a special glassed in tower on top that enables him to look out over the city to the waters below carrying out a busy trade of his sheep on the Magellan Straits pre Panama Canal.  

Sara died in the 1950s and her name is all over town, including the Sara Brown Secondary School (as well as the cemetery where her tomb is one of the biggest – her husband is a small one beside hers – she would not be buried with him as he was the wrong religion in death but not in marriage!).

The trip from Punta Arenas into the stunning landscapes of Patagonia is almost a 5 hour bus ride through to Eco Camp where I stayed.  

The M&Ms

Just four passengers on the bus.  Enter an Australian couple, he retired, she still working as a GP.  

If it’s travel, they have done it all and happy to tell everyone about it.  If they haven’t been there they have been somewhere better!  

“Some people call us M&M” comes the admission related to their Christian names, others might have seen a physical resemblance to one – lets call him M2 as there was no doubt who was M1.  

After a very fleeting (2 day) visit to Patagonia, M&M were headed for an Antarctica cruise on a very expensive boat as M2 had an akubra that he had worn on all other continents and he needed to go to Antarctica to complete the set.  

They struggled physically with the demands of the sightseeing “you know he is full of medical bits” but did manage in a couple of days to see a few animals and ensure that everyone knew of their world travels and that for them travel complications only happened when they let their friends do part of the organisation of the trip.

EcoCamp

The EcoCamp where I stayed at Torres del Paine was really good.  Living in a dome for four nights was different.  A little case of the haves and have nots – I had the “standard” number – no heating or ensuite, neither of which bothered me but the half sized doors were a bit of an embuggerance for someone with no protection from skinning the skull on the top of the door way!  

For a few more dollars they came with heaters and ensuites (and bigger doors!)  My three days there were spent taking on the three arms of the “W route” which essentially take in the three most commonly visited locations in the park - the Torres del Paine base (a 22km walk/climb), the Frenchmans Valley (an 18km walk) and the Grey Glacier (a more relaxing boatride).  

I’ll let the pictures do the talking for these three experiences – they were all amazing, although the Frenchmans Valley was a little soggy which stopped us doing the last 3 kms of the walk.  We tended to be with the same group each day and that enhanced the whole experience as well.

I then travelled back to Punta Arenas to board the Stella Australis, a four day boat trip headed ultimately to the Beagle Channel and a landing at Cape Horn, before docking in Ushuaia (Argentina).  

On the boat

All aboard, OMG, around 190 passengers had me shaking at the knees anyway given my allergy to cruise boats, but this was a means to an end and I had to keep revisiting that!  

A cruise with a group of 37 from Deutschland and as if it were an Olympics medal count, even more from the U.S of A.  These were not the type of American tourists I had met at the Ecolodge.  

At my first meal I made the mistake of walking too far into the dining room where a lady met me and said “I’m sorry but these tables are for a special group of us from Harvard”.  The Donald was alive and well here!  One of the Americans on my dinner table has already told me how .... you guessed it, I have found someone who voted for Donald!  

But then this couple did stay on the same floor as Venus and Sarina when they came out to the Australian Open.  Looking after Hedge Funds in the U.S. set him up and she is big in events management (running the campaign to convert the under 35s that All Spice is not for “old people” and organising corporates with Bill Clinton and Colin Powell.  

I even came across the person who co-ordinated the bid for the London Olympics.  On the last night they have an auction to sell off the navigation map to Cape Horn – that will be a story and I certainly would not consider a bid!

The boat trip was fine.  Loved the barrage of glaciers, many coming right down to sea level.  There was a small celebration as we passed the avenue of the glaciers - the Italian, French, English, German and Dutch glaciers in quick succession, with the crew handing out corresponding alcohol and food, ensuring a lively night on board. 

Loved the wildlife we have seen with animals right into breeding season (well childcare really) – they don’t have long before winter is back.  I’m not making any parallels with some of the passengers there!   

I find the U.S of A provides a rich source of amusement!   The (U.S.) woman seen carrying a torch on the boat saying you know it still does get dark at night here.  The (U.S.) grumpy old man at the reception after the first meal complaining the he was “starving” as he didn’t eat octopus and there was no other option – the octopus was an opener only in a 4 course meal.  The (U.S.) woman who on hearing they are building another of these expedition boats to increase the number of trips heard to say “Oh, could it be with an elevator”  Then coming back to that recurrent theme of the Donald as it comes up in conversation all the time, the man (from the U.S. and sounding like let’s say North Dakota) perhaps coming to terms with reality reading an article “Managing Donald”  Then there was the group from Harvard who had their own sessions running – “welcome to come along but you are not permitted to ask any questions”.

Cape Horn

After being softened up for the prospect of not being able to land at Cape Horn, the weather gods smiled initially at least with sunshine and calm.  

This is as far south as it gets short of Antarctica and one family gets to look after the place for a 12 month stint (no breaks and no leaving the island unless an emergency).  

So just in case you were contemplating a career change (there is just the Naval officer, his wife who becomes the Park Ranger, and three kids 14,8 and 1) it takes 12 months training to ensure you are emotionally stable and then appendix removal for everyone with the Naval Officer opting for the vasectomy as well.  

No TV of course and a weather station to be read every 3 hours.  In summer you get to talk to a few visitors such as our boatload, in winter no one comes near the place.  Just to remind everyone of the hostility of the environment, we arrived in sunshine and left in heavy snow (all in one hour).  But then as was said, it is an address that almost everyone on the world knows of.

Argentina

This morning saw an Argentinean stamp in the passport with the boat trip ending in Ushuaia.  It has become a trendy little place catering to tourists jumping off to Antarctica these days.  

It wasn’t always that way though having been set up as a penitentiary where the inmates outnumbered the residents back at the turn of the 20th century.  A little train runs today  (at a price doing the Argentinean economy no harm), along the line constructed by the inmates over 100 years ago – a fascinating story, but not for the inmates I am sure.

The journey continues!

Dad