#which happened fairly often ...or more than I'd like to admit

[adustoflove]

Every time I cry, my first thought is just I wish Scrabble were here 😭

[misc-obeyme]

not sure if this one has been done before but i'd like to request a set of headcanons for the dateables who assumed mc (male or gender neutral, up to you!) had feelings for someone else, and had already given up, right up until they confessed that they were in love with them.

also, can solomon's be set during nightbringer? i don't mind when the others are set!

thank you! i love your writing!!

Hi there, anon!

This may have been done, but it hasn't been done by me, so you're good lol! Oh man this one was fun. They all start out angsty and then end with the confession and I love it. I have to write angst more often, apparently I enjoy making characters feel pain. Which is weird considering I made myself sad writing these. I kind of feel like this might just be the universal writer experience, though.

Also I feel I should mention that Diavolo believes MC is in love with Lucifer because I honestly feel like that's the only scenario in which he would completely give up lol. Everybody else's is vague, but they all think it's one of the brothers.

Thank you for the request!

the dateables think GN!MC is in love with someone else and give up on them, but then MC confesses

Warnings: angst as all the characters believe that MC is in love with someone else, but ends with fluff

Diavolo

He can tell that there's someone you care about. It's in the way you sometimes get a private sort of look, like you're thinking about something very specific, and then you smile softly. Seeing that smile makes his heart ache. He's so happy that there's someone who makes you feel that way, someone who makes you smile like that, but he's fairly certain it isn't him. The pain of knowing that you'll never be his is deep. It keeps him up at night, but he tries to act like there's nothing wrong.

He thinks you're in love with Lucifer. He can't deny that there's something special between the two of you. And he's convinced that Lucifer is the only one that you could be in love with. Lucifer is protective, competent, and always looking out for you. You rely on him, but he relies on you, too, more than he would admit. And Diavolo simply doesn't have that closeness with you.

He thinks he's being very realistic about the situation. There's no point in pursuing you when your heart clearly belongs to someone else. Convinces himself that he's happy enough just to be near you, to be in your presence. Sometimes lets himself feel jealousy over it, but works hard to suppress that feeling. Actively tries to move on because he has responsibilities he needs to focus on.

So when you confess to him, he's in shock. Actually speechless for several minutes. And then he grabs your hands. MC, are you sure? Are you sure you're in love… with him? You won't have to reassure him more than once. As soon as you tell him you're sure, he's accepted what you've told him. Gets teary eyed about it because the feeling in his chest is so overwhelming. He never thought this could happen, but here you are, telling him that you're in love with him. All he wants to do now is kiss you. You've made him so happy he can't think straight.

Barbatos

He knows right away that you've fallen for someone. He's observant, so it isn't hard for him to pick up on it. It's obvious in the way you get a little preoccupied sometimes. You become a little forgetful and scatterbrained, like your mind is somewhere else. But you also seem a little happier, quicker to smile and laugh. What an odd feeling for him. Seeing you like this fills him with a special contentment. And yet…

Barbatos doesn't necessarily know who it is you have feelings for. At least, there's nobody he suspects is your special person. He just knows it isn't him. He's convinced that he would be able to tell if it was. Sometimes thinks about who it might be and has certain others that he thinks would be a good fit for you, but he doesn't dwell on this too much. Busies himself with his work so he doesn't have to think about that little sting he feels whenever he thinks about it.

A master at compartmentalizing his mind and feelings so that he doesn't have to deal with them. Simply tucks all that away into a corner of his soul where he can ignore it entirely. Let it stay there and fester for a bit. He has more important things to deal with than his own silly feelings. And so nobody would be able to tell - not you, not Diavolo, no one. He has a lot of practice at keeping secrets, after all.

But all of that is going to come bursting out of its restraint when you tell him how you feel. Blushes instantly. Overcome, overwhelmed, flooded with the emotions he'd been keeping locked up tight. You can see the chaos in his eyes. But he takes control of all of this pretty quickly. Pulls you close to him, wraps you in his arms. Truly you may never know the extent of his happiness, MC. Please always stay by his side.

Simeon

It isn't so much that he doesn't notice as he just assumes he's wrong. There's definitely something different about you lately, but he's not going to guess at what it is. Probably asks you directly if there's anything on your mind. Considering you're likely not ready to tell him how you feel, you can pretty much say anything about what's going on in your life and he'll accept it. Moves on without too much questioning, but keeps an eye on you.

Eventually, he won't be able to deny it. He's going to have a specific demon brother in mind, too. He watches you with that brother, whichever one you're closest to, and thinks he's figured it out. Even though you didn't tell him you were in love when he asked and he knows it's not a good thing to assume, he still can't help but notice it. The way you smile when that brother speaks to you. The way you seem to drift near him whenever you can.

And if Simeon takes the time to consider this for very long at all, he'll realize that the feeling that bubbles up in him first is jealousy. He's not happy about that. He doesn't like the way it makes him feel. And just underneath it, he senses a deep pain that he doesn't want to explore. So he attempts to shut it all down. He's very good at maintaining his composure when he's with you. But when he's alone, he lets himself feel everything. Might even let himself cry if he's certain no one will hear him.

Definitely cries when you tell him how you really feel. Just lets that relief wash over him and his love for you is something he can't contain. Please hold him, MC. He just wants to be near you forever. Never let him go. He might ramble for a little bit about how he thought you were in love with someone else. He might even tell you all about how it made him feel and how he wasn't dealing with it very well. But in the end, he's going to smile at you through his tears. Really make his heart burst by kissing them away.

Solomon

He's always known that you belong to the seven demon brothers. He knows him having a chance with you is just wishful thinking. It doesn't matter that you live with him now. That he's the only one who knows that you're really from the future. It doesn't matter how fast his heart beats whenever he sees your smile. That when he's with you all he can think about is putting his arms around you. Solomon knows you aren't his. You will always choose the brothers.

He's aware right away that you've got feelings for someone. He has his guesses. Perhaps two or three different demon brothers come to his mind. Starts paying attention to how you act around them to see if he can figure it out. He will question the brothers he suspects, just to see how they feel about you. If they give him less than satisfactory answers, he might try to steer you away from them. Not because he thinks that makes you more likely to choose him, but because he doesn't want to see you get hurt.

Ignores the way your softened expression makes his gut twinge. Sometimes stares at you for too long because he's trying so hard not to say something to you about it. He doesn't ask you because he knows he can't handle the answer. Starts throwing himself into his work. Forcing himself to think about anything else. But how can he think of anything other than you?

Your confession nearly takes him out. He's so surprised, so overcome with emotions, he falls to his knees at your feet. Grasps your hands like he's drowning and you're the only thing that will save him. He was holding so much tension inside and he didn't even realize it. Now it's all draining away. You can either pull him to his feet or join him on the floor. Either way, he needs you to hold him. MC, please tell him he isn't dreaming. Please tell him this is real. Reassure him with a kiss and he'll pull you into a fierce embrace, like he's scared you'll vanish if he doesn't hold you tight enough.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[madelynhimegami]

Schezo Wegey Guide

Before we begin, I'd like to remind everyone that these summations are based on my understanding of the characters, and what I've observed of them within the games. Sometimes, that comes with a little bit of extra analysis and headcanons, which are inherently interpretive. Those headcanons are not to be taken as the Absolute Authority on the characters. These entire guides are not meant to be Absolute Authority. They're about giving a good look at the characters as they're shown to us, based on what I know.

Also, follow-up questions are always welcome.

That out the way,

Schezo Wegey is motivited entirely by a never-ending desire to gain more power. So he says.

First thing's first, let's discuss his accidental double-entendre's. While it's extremely tempting to try to force as many of them as possible in his dialogue (I know I've been guilty of it), he doesn't make those slips that often.

Generally, his freudian slips happen when he's excited, flustered, or irritated. Or in other words, when he's not taking the time to actually think about the words he's saying.

(He is, after all, trying to break the habit) (via practicing his speech to a handmade doll) (that he made himself)

The slip-ups are of greatest effect when he forgets to say a word, or says the right words in the wrong order, or mispronounces something (as opposed to, for instance, saying the word "come" with weird emphasis)

One good example that actually comes from Puzzle Pop (despite how he is in the rest of the game): "If you don't feel capable of doing this yourself, I'd be happy to play with [Carbuncle] myself for this next match."

Most importantly, it's unintentional. That's the whole point.

Amitie (and perhaps Lidelle) doesn't know what the word "creeper" means, but since Arle calls Schezo a creeper, she does too. It's more of an affectionate nickname than an insult, coming from her

Schezo's age is unknown. Granted, most of the cast's exact age is unknown, but Schezo stands out in that there's not a clear frame of reference of how old he is beyond "older than 14 and younger than Satan," which encompasses a rather wide range of possible ages.

Other characters usually address him as a young man-- which is noteworthy, since Satan looks like a young man but is immediately pegged as a geezer.

(Personally, I read him as in his early- to mid-twenties)

A fairly common interpretation (at least in my circles) of his history is that Schezo's mind/personality was corrupted as part of the process of inheriting the power and title of Dark Mage from Runelord.

This corrupted Schezo was the one Arle met at the start of Madou 2: Schezo with a body count, Schezo with minions, Schezo looking to abduct and murder others for the sake of harvesting their magic from them.

This interpretation continues that, thanks to his interactions with the core Madou cast, Schezo eventually overcame the corruption, resulting in the Dark Mage we know now.

Either way, it's a fact that he's not quite the edgey boy he used to be, and is aware of that fact.

He is still interested in becoming powerful, but is significantly less inclined to taking power by force, preferring to instead earn or win it.

But more than that, what he really wants is a life of peace and quiet. He will never get it.

And even more than that, he wants to keep close to Arle, Rulue, Witch, and (to an extent) Satan.

He once admitted to Arle that he needs her in his life. Arle just assumed he was trying to say "I want your power" again.

Perhaps he is scared of succumbing to corruption again in their abscence?

Schezo's preferred habitat is cave.

The cave in Primp Town that he's squatting in is one that used to be frequented by Klug (as seen in Fever 1). It's full of crystals that can be used for magic.

Despite living in a cave, he's still able to cook and bake as he feels a need to. How he manages it is an excellent question.

He adores cuteness and cute critters, but tries to not let it show around others. Acorn frogs, onion pixies, Carbuncle (sometimes), fish-mode Salde, palm-sized elephants, and Amitie's hat (with or without its power) are known subjects that endear him.

He and Witch are close, especially after Schezo saved her grandmother. And then declined to steal her magic immediately afterwords because of her weakened state.

They tend to bicker and/or try to exploit each other when they do bump into each other, however.

Schezo is analytical and observant, able to get accurate reads on people he spends time around when he cares to. It was he that figured out Ringo's fear of ghosts had nothing to do with them being "unscientific."

He also has powerful magic sensing ability, able to accurately detect how much magic power someone or something has on sight.

He can also determine the source of ongoing magical effects, if he's familiar with said sources.

He is able to communicate telepathically with the Dark Sword, though how often they communicate is unknown.

He's only ever silly as a means to an end. Anything beyond that is either an accident or concentrated sarcasm. Usually he has no patience for shenanigans, especially from other people.

He's not very patient about being around other people in general. This is a result of both introversion and social awkwardness (he does not know how to respond to positive interaction in the slightest).

The most likely of the regular cast to complain about the damn kids today (without being one of the damn kids himself).

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Ghouls and sex pollen: thoughts? Feelings? I’ve seen in some fics the concept of excessive rads gets a Ghoul going, but I’d love your expert opinion ;)

My feelings are as follows: sex pollen is one of my favorite tropes for sci-fi and I go a little nuts thinking about it, frankly. It's often heavily tinged with flavors of BDSM/primal play/self-denial/dubcon/etc., and I enjoy stuff in that vein. I'm also a real dupe for what is basically forced escalation of sexual tension between characters that don't wanna admit how badly they'd like to fuck one another, and the trope lends itself really nicely to exactly that.

I've seen similar fics to the ones you mentioned, and I've also seen fics that take a more traditional approach and have a more literal sex pollen/inhalable pheromone vehicle. Both work great for the canon and setting, in my opinion. Thanks to the likes of Vault-Tec, we have biological experiments gone horrifically awry in the vein of Vault 22 (a crop research vault whose researchers all fell victim to what is basically a "zombie ant"-style parasitic fungus that eventually coats your entire body) to lend credence to the possible existence of something like that. The fungus that took over Vault 22 also originally came as donated samples from the X-22 research lab/botanical garden at Big MT. If you don't know anything about the horny, intellectually overstimulated little freaks featured in Old World Blues, well...let's just say that something like a "sex pollen" being created by someone there, purposefully or through acts of unbelievable incompetence, isn't outside the realm of possibility.

However, literal sex pollen is a more broadly-applicable trope, and it's for that reason that I also really like the excessive rads/radstorm idea. Trust me, I know that in the incredibly niche terms of "Fallout ghoul fucker fanfiction tropes", the idea that high radiation situations are basically the same thing, but for ghouls, is as overdone as 70's pornos with plots about fucking pizza delivery guys or whatever. But, like...I will firmly argue that it's that popular for multiple reasons. Those reasons are that it's fun to read, fun to write, and a pretty canon-appropriate way to provide that sort of instantaneous, almost insurmountable sexual tension that I was talking about before.

As I sort of touched on the other day in my little drabble about sex with glowing ones, I think radiation is not only something that rapidly heals ghouls, but something that actively re-energizes them when they're exposed to higher amounts of it. Maybe it even makes them a little stronger, a little faster. A lot hornier.

To me, though, it's less like the overwhelming, visceral, "I need to fuck something now or I'm seriously gonna fall over dead" sort of horny that you often see in sex pollen fiction. In my mind, it's almost more of an ecstasy-style euphoria that makes you feel so good and alive that all you wanna do is sink yourself into the person next to you. Lots of energy, shared good feelings with others who can feel what you're feeling. It lends itself heavily to things getting physical, and quickly.

And not just because the increased rads in the atmosphere would recharge them, either. I imagine things like radstorms, or spending time in a particularly irradiated location, provide a fairly significant analgesic effect to ghouls who suffer from chronic pain in some form, of which I imagine there are a great many. More who do than don't, I'd be willing to bet. Ghoulification is hell on the body, and that's before you factor in how many of these people have stuck around to put wear and tear on their bodies far past the typical human life span. There's a reason characters like Raul complain about their joints all the time! Pain is exhausting, and even those with high sex drives can find themselves hampered if they're always hurting and tired. Take away the hurt, provide some energy, and don't be shocked at what happens!

I will say, though, that I would certainly leave room for the possibility that some ghouls would have more of a "take me into a high-rad area or a storm and I'm gonna have to carry you out, because you won't be able to walk once I'm finished with you" sort of reaction to these situations. Factors like a lack of overall daily pain, higher than average sex drive, a particularly sadistic or aggressive nature, or already present intoxication would increase the odds. In cases like that, extra precaution would need to be taken so that they didn't accidentally do you serious harm; increased inhibition means loss of control, and the average ghoul is already strong enough to hurt you if they want to without extra radiation fueling them.

Plus, you know, there's the matter of how the increased rads will impact you without your partner even being factored in. I hope you're stocked up to your eyeballs in Radaway!

[antianakin]

hiii, it's me again, someone who keeps popping in to say things nobody asked for lol. i was wondering if people who've been in the fandom longer (like you) agree with my impression that the novelizations are reallyyy important context for fanon interpretations? i didn't realize this until a discussion i had today iwth someone who helpfully summarized some of the popular prequel novels, which seem to match up really well with headcanons & fanon personalities. apparently stover emphasized obi-wan's devotion to anakin and how he's a ride or die for him. and apparently another popular novel wrote an adult obi-wan "as if a teenager in emotional maturity" which also would, you know- explain a lot.

the novels i've actually read are the jedi apprentice series, which i don't have much issues with, even though they certainly spin the trauma wheel lol. maybe it's been qui-gon and obi-wan both feel as if they are trying their best and their misunderstandings due to mutual action, rather than pure passivity? or maybe that even though the books have very dramatic conflicts that certainly put obi-wan in woobifiable situations, they more often than not help draw out distinct characteristics and strengths of his through those situations?

Just for clarity, I have NOT been in this fandom all that long by my own standards. I obviously did watch Star Wars as a kid and read some Star Wars fanfics when I was really young, but in terms of "participating in fandom" as such, that's really only been happening since like... 2021 maybe? It was basically a COVID byproduct, I had the time to consume some Star Wars stuff I'd never managed to get around to before and things devolved from there. And I honestly have read hardly any of the novels or comics myself, including the official film novelizations. Like you, the only books I've actually read are the Jedi Apprentice middle grade books, and that's really it.

So while I can speak to some of the experiences I've had in this fandom since I got into it a few years ago, I cannot speak to what fandom has been like since those novelizations were released almost 20 years ago now.

Matthew Stover's ROTS novelization seems to be pretty popular and considered one of the better novelizations. I've had people tell me that there's SOME evidence Lucas had something to do with the book and so it's often considered a fairly high level of canon as a result.

But the passage you're referencing where Stover emphasizes how Obi-Wan is "ride or die" for Anakin is genuinely one of the reasons I've never bothered to read it, no matter how pretty people say his prose is. If you want to actually see it yourself, I'll copy it below.

The line in question comes from an extended version of the scene in ROTS where Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu are discussing Anakin's reaction to being asked to spy on Palpatine as Yoda heads off to Kashyyyk.

“I think," Obi-Wan said carefully, "that abstractions like peace don't mean much to him. He's loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return. He will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him." Mace and Yoda gazed at him steadily, and Obi-Wan had to lower his head. "Because," he admitted reluctantly, "he knows I would do the same for him.”

Interpret the scene how you will, I guess. The Anakin characterization meshes with how I tend to understand the character, but the Obi-Wan characterization could not be farther away from how I see him in canon.

I don't know anything about whatever novel wrote Obi-Wan as though he had the emotional maturity of a teenager. That doesn't ring any bells for me. It wouldn't surprise me at all if there are authors who've written Star Wars books that just simply don't like Obi-Wan all that much and so if he shows up in their work, he could come across as having the emotional maturity of a teenager because that's how that author chose to write him. It would seem odd for it to show up in an official film novelization, I would expect it more in some of the Legends content, but I suppose it's not impossible.

Legends content in general DOES have an impact on fanon and fan interpretations of Star Wars because, for a long while, it was the only way to GET more Star Wars content beyond the films themselves. For a lot of people, they were canon because there was nothing to refute them. And even once there was, people sometimes were still so attached to those stories that they preferred them to the story told in the films.

So, yeah, it can have a major impact on people's understanding of things. Often if you get into discussions about, say, the Jedi or the Force, people will bring up Legends content to prove their arguments. You shouldn't feel like this means you personally have to consume any Legends content you don't want to consume. I tend to avoid it most of the time. It is perfectly for you to just stick with the films or the shows or whatever books you find most interesting. And even within that, what you consider canon doesn't have to include literally everything you've chosen to consume. I've read the Jedi Apprentice books and enjoyed them, but it ISN'T real canon and I don't necessarily take any of it into account in my own interpretations of the characters. Legends content and Disney EU content is, in many ways, just officially licensed fanfiction. If you don't consider every fanfic you read to be canon, you do not have to consider every Legends book or comic you choose to read to be canon, either. Sometimes it's fun to just see other people's takes on Star Wars even if there's no way to fit into the canon story of Star Wars (as a side note, this is why I love Star Wars: Visions so much as a show).

I don't know if this really answered your question. As someone who doesn't consume a lot of Legends content and hasn't read a single one of the official film novelizations, I may not be the right person to ask about this.

[kyliafanfiction]

Now, I will freely admit that many fics act like fixing the various issues faced in the story Worm would be very easy. And they wouldn't be. SI fics are often like this, though some of them show their work and lay their groundwork.

But on the other hand, in Worm, information is an incredibly potent weapon, and there's a lot of things I could tell the PRT/Protectorate and Cauldron that - if they believed me (and that's the key thing, innit?) - would go a long way to making resolving the problems faced by the various characters onscreen in worm a hell of a lot simpler.

(simple things aren't always easy).

Like, if I can get the PRT to listen, well, telling them that Max Anders is Kaisar is pretty useful information. The PRT doesn't inherently respect the "unwritten rules", though they don't reject them wildly, so they may not just arrest him, but they'll definitely keep a closer eye on Medhall. If I can convince someone like Piggot I'm not talking out of my ass, I can explain to them about Thomas Calvert being Coil and how his powers work, and ways around it - again, beating him isn't easy, but it is simplified, massively.

If I can tell them about Dinah being kidnapped and what that means, about the fact that getting Grue to switch sides could be done by helping him with his sister and protecting his family. If I can point out they could spare themselves a lot of issues with Rachel Lindt if they just let her train dogs and left her alone (and the full details of her 'murder' and why it's not really her fault... if they believed me)

There's a lot of ifs and there's gonna be more, but with knowledge of what did happen, and how, it's a lot easier to resolve a lot of problems.

I can tell Cauldron about what's really going on with Eidolon's powers and the Endbringers - actually resolving the Endbringers is not so simple, but the connection between Eidolon's Shard and the Endbringers alone provides vital information. If I can convince them. If I can convince them, I can tell them that beating Scion requires bullying into committing suicide, more or less (Admittedly, I'd need to finish reading the GM arcs to articulate the details properly, but still).

Amy and Vicky? That whole thing rides on rails. actually resolving Amy's myriad of issues is hard. Preventing things going the way they did? End-running 11h and 15.x is doable with a few conversations, in theory.

Siberian is unkillable? Tell the PRT about Manton and Siberian being a projection. Crawler? Tell them about how a Bakuda Bomb turned him to glass (admittedly, executing this idea will not be so simple, depending on access to Bakuda and her bombs but still). Jack Slash? Explain how his power cheats and - after you've managed to take out his biggest meatshields - send a whole lot of people with knife-proof armor and heavy weapons at him. All of those would not be easy to put into effect, true, but they're fairly simple solutions. Jack Slash never lost to normals before because he always has his fellow S9 capes around him to cover his ass if someone gets shotgun-happy, but once you get rid of the really hard to kill ones... I mean Shatterbird isn't a Brute. Bonesaw's got all her plagues in her, so that one's less simple, but I mean, Burnscar died to Parian of all people, if I recall correctly. Manny the Kinless? A little harder, but a big enough boom.

There'd be casualties, maybe a lot of them, but it could very well working pretty well.

Executing these information provided solutions is absolutely easier said than done. Getting anyone to believe you is absolutely easier said than done.

Worm, as a universe, has a lot of things going on, and 'fixing' the entire Wormverse would be hard, but I think some people ignore how much resolving these issues becomes so much simpler when you have the necessary information.

I think some people are so attached to the level of suckitude in the Wormverse that they forget a lot of that is authorial thumb-scaling (which is entirely valid and not at all a critique of Wildbow, to be clear) and how a lot of the rest is just... the protagonists lacking critical pieces of information.

EDIT: To be clear, I am not and never going to write an SI story, because that's just not a thing I personally have any interest in writing. Also, I don't think I would be able to convince anyone of anything all that well. Not without getting myself killed along the way.

[wishing-stones]

How do your takes on the boys set them apart from others do you think?

I'll be refering to them with their call names in this one

Targe(Killer) is a little difficult to say this for, because I think he's pretty standard. I'll say maybe that it's his loyalty to Nightmare that makes him unique. I haven't seen a lot of people explore that close friendship they have going on, the unwavering loyalty that doesn't often get explained. Killer owes Nightmare his life for rescuing him from his AU. Also, Targe is really, really competent. Scary smart, thinks quickly on his feet, and doesn't let his authority go questioned. He's a fantastic leader, not just a chaos gremlin.

Mote(Dust) is also hard to answer this for since I don't have a ton of other Dust interpretations to go off of. I'd say he's maybe a little more down-to-earth and... present? Than other takes I've seen on him. That he's not so lost in his delusions constantly. They're there, they're integral to his character, but he's also clever and resourceful. He's quiet, but he pays attention. I think I've said before that his character is the one closest still to his canon counterpart-- he's really just Sans who had an infinite run of Really Bad Days.

Haft(Axe) is a lot more chill than other Horrors I've seen. He doesn't regret what he's done at all-- he did what he had to in order to survive, and he's settled whatever guilt he might have had over that fact. He's also still blisteringly smart, and I have seen Horror played to be a little... dim sometimes, which does him an incredible disservice IMO. His 'canon' self (in the HT comic) is still smart, just a really jaded and kind of twisted survivalist. Haft has gone past that and into resolved survivalist. Suvival by whatever means necessary-- he had to defend himself and his brother more times than he cares to admit. Still... he's a big softy under it. He's a kind person at heart, he's just not gonna agonize over doing whatever needs doing. Haft also has a better relationship with food than I've seen portrayed. He's had time to work on it in his service to Nightmare.

Saltire(Cross) gets along with the guys a lot better than other instances of Cross I've seen with the BSG. He's also not as guilt-ridden, as his situation is fairly permanent. He's safe and secure in Nightmare's Hold, he does what he must in order to get by, and all things considered... it's not so bad. He has good food and drink, a nice room, gets to stretch his legs a bit with multiversal jaunts, a dedicated place to train, and a leader who respects and appreciates his capabilities. He's free here. Still, he's pretty withdrawn and takes a long time to trust, especially if someone (Killer) has stung him in the past. Sal... wants to move forward, even though his past weighs him down heavily. He reminds me of a big standoffish white wolf.

Sorpor(Baggs) doesn't have a whole lot different than his source material. I try to write him as close to canon as I can. The most he has that's different is that he's a little taller and knows about the multiverse. The latter can and probably will cause some interesting divergence from his canon timeline, considering he's aware of resets and how they can go (read: really badly). He has perephreral knowledge about some other things that can happen to the underground as well (Flowey, namely-- he wasn't present for the Photoshop Flowey fight, but he heard about it in therapy sessions). I'd say over time he's also gotten a little bit more direct because trying to manipulate the guys into what you want them to do is harder when they'll dance around with you. Straight and to the point gets more results with them, so he becomes a little more forceful. He also sleeps on a fairly regular basis, which makes him much more pleasant to be around constantly.

Umbrose(Nightmare) is fairly standard of the "classy" Nightmare variety. He enjoys his finer luxuries and arts, speaks largely without contractions, and uses big words. He likes to exude elegance and charisma, because while fierce can achieve results, it takes much less energy to simply... coax others into doing what you want. He's had years to chill out from utter violence, so he elects to do things in a fashion that doesn't tire him out consistently. He's also a fantastic leader. He treats all his underlings fairly and sees to it that they want for nothing. Ensuring their loyalty is important to him-- otherwise they could turn on him, and that would be bad. (I have some issues with the more abusive dynamics you see around with the BSG and him. You can only tettorize and threaten your minions into submission for so long before they plan mutiny). He's pretty chill, but no less intense in pursuing what he wants-- he's just smarter about it.

Aubade(Dream) is way more mature than a lot of takes on Dream I've seen around. He is tired. He wants to stop fighting with his brother. He doesn't understand where things went wrong and it eats him. At his core, he is existentially exhausted, but continues to do what he does out of duty. Certainly, he loves his friends and they do make him genuinely happy... but he's so tired, and if you look deeper into his actions, it shows. He also swears. He's not the perfect angel that can do no wrong, and he knows it. There are necessary evils that even the guardian of positivity must do. He's also aware that positivity does not equal goodness, and negativity does not equal badness. He's a little jaded, but understands that balance is a requirement in the multiverse, and so he has to keep doing his job. He's not afraid to take a life or beat someone to a pulp, though he'll issue warnings before he does.

Haboku(Ink) is a little more stable by proxy of being around his friends so much. Dream helps to remind him to take his paints regularly, and Blue will bully him into it if he has to. He's clever, too clever by half. He'll play to someones ignorant perception of him and has no issue letting them continue to think that he's an idiot with the memory of a goldfish and the attention span of a squirrel. He also enjoys stirring shit. He'll cause trouble just to cause it sometimes, but usually is good about not doing anything that will hurt he or his friends. He's fairly dutiful as well, and will protect the multiverse by any means necessary. Any. means. He is otherwise a pretty happy goofball who likes to make sure everyone around him is doing okay. He's honestly a sweet person if you're in good with him. He doesn't like to see unnecessary suffering.

Zaffre(Blue) has a knowledge of the multiverse and has been travelling it for a while. He's of the 'Jaded Blue' variety who tends to help Dream be Ink's leash. Still, he's a very happy guy who loves adventure and loves his friends. He's very passionate. He's no-nonsense. If you mess with what he cares about, gods grant you mercy because he won't. He hasn't killed, but he's certainly beaten a few people within an inch of their life in self defense or in defense of others. He's scary competent, and has a sense of duty to the multiverse much like Dream does. He is, at his core, still a Sans, though, so he is also incredibly intelligent and observant. He also still likes puns and practical jokes, which is not a trait I see applied to Blue very often! He does the whoopee cushion in the hand trick.

[thethirdromana]

Yes femininity on men in The Woman In White is a whole thing.

Fosco “with all his look of unmistakable mental firmness and power, he is as nervously sensitive as the weakest of [women]. He starts at chance noises as inveterately as Laura herself”. Fosco’s got “effeminate tastes and amusements” and looks like “a fat St. Cecilia masquerading in male attire”.

Fairlie’s feminine traits are the most obvious. His hands are “delicate”, he is beardless and his feet “effeminately small” and clad in “little womanish bronze-leather slippers”. To Walter, Fairlie’s “frail, languidly-fretful, over-refined look” appears “unpleasantly delicate in its association with a man”. Pykett notes that most of these traits would be normally attractive in a woman and yet they are repulsive in a man. His overall appearance and delicacy is the trait he shares with Laura and Anne. He is prone like them to a mysterious illness about which everyone says that “it’s on the nerves”. His nervous state is directly linked to his lack of masculinity. Fairlie admits himself that he is “nothing but a bundle of nerves dressed up to look like a man”.

Yep - it's something I find really interesting about the Woman in White. It's a feminist novel, and often in unexpectedly sophisticated ways (showing how the problem doesn't come back to individual bad man, but the system as a whole) and unexpectedly insightful ones (in the 21st century you still get male writers who think you can snap the heels of stilettos and then run in them, but Wilkie Collins gets how restrictive Marian's clothing is).

But it's also a novel that hates femininity. It hates it above all in men (as you've shown, anon) but it's not exactly positive about femininity in women. Fairlie's traits might normally be attractive in a woman but I'd argue that Collins doesn't really present them that way. Laura is described as beautiful, and Marian mannish and ugly, but once that bit of description is out of the way, I'd argue that Marian's masculine-coded determination is shown as much more admirable than Laura's delicate feminine submission to the will of the men around her.

All of this is pretty consistent with contemporary feminist thought, at least as far as I'm familiar with it. When I first read 'A Vindication of the Rights of Women', from half a century earlier, it shocked me how much time Wollstonecraft spends criticising the failings of women. So maybe this shouldn't be surprising to me, but it is.

I wrote somewhere before how this all reminds me of reading about Old Norse literature, in which in the absence of brave men, a woman will rise up to take on a masculine role, which shames the men but does honour to the woman. There are two typical outcomes from this: either the woman dies amidst the violence she's unleashed (although typically not before she gets her vengeance), or she wins, and is rewarded with marriage to a man who is worthy of her.

I've never read the Woman in White so I don't know what happens at the end (NO SPOILERS PLEASE), and I'm fascinated to find out whether the plot will continue to follow either of those routes. With Marian currently out of the picture, I guess not? But I honestly have no idea where the plot is going, beyond the obvious creeping doom, or how it's all going to be resolved.

I'm looking forward to finding out, and seeing what further takes on Victorian gender roles Wilkie Collins has in store for us.

[theycallme-thejackal]

5 please

Pairing: Lenny Bruce & Midge Maisel Rated T

Arabella - Arctic Monkeys My days end best when the sunset gets itself behind That little lady sittin' on the passenger side. It's much less picturesque without her catchin' the light. The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes.

His favorite days are the ones that end with her.

They don't often get to start their days together. They're still keeping their relationship quiet for the time being. The only peole who know are their managers just in case they slip up, so she usually leaves his bed before the sun rises.

He's sitting on a bench in Washington Square Park. The sun is beginning to set, and he smokes a cigarette as a troubadour plays nearby.

She appears like an apparition, coming to a stop in front of him, eclipsing the sun with her perfectly coiffed hair and a smile meant especially for him. "Never took you for one to enjoy watching a sunset," she comments, turning to look west before finding his gaze again.

He smirks. "I prefer watching you."

She laughs quietly. "That's quite a line, Mr. Bruce."

He offers her the cigarette, which she takes as he stands. "You're much kinder on the eyes," he tells her, leaning in a little closer than is probably appropriate for two people who are publicly just friends.

She takes a drag of the cigarette, her cheeks flushing a lovely pink as darkness begins to descend on them. The troubadour segues into a new, familiar song, and she smiles as she taps the ash away. "Dance with me?"

He cocks a brow at her. "Where people can see us?" He asks.

"I didn't ask you to fuck me," she teases quietly before adding, "Not yet, at least."

He chuckles, shaking his head as he looks around. It's starting to get dark, the park is fairly quiet, and they are playing their song...

He offers his hand, and she drops the cigarette, squishing it with her shoe before taking his hand. He holds her at a respectable distance, but she moves closer, pressing her body against his. He huffs another soft laugh. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you wanted people to find out," he comments as he adjusts his hold around her waist.

Midge shrugs. "Maybe I do," she admits. "It's been a few months. I haven't sent you running for the hills yet."

"I'm more concerned you're going to get sick of my shit," he replies, hoping it comes off as a joke.

She knows better, though, and her expression softens. "That's not going to happen," she breathes. He shivers a little as her fingertips toy with the curls at the nape of his neck. "Besides, I don't have the kids this weekend, and I'd really like to introduce you to my parents."

"I've met your parents. Twice," he points out.

She huffs a slightly annoyed breath. "I mean as my..."

He tips his head as he considers her. "Boyfriend?" He asks.

"I feel like we're a little old for words like boyfriend," she explains.

"Maybe, but if we used the word lover, I think your mother would simply die."

She laughs quietly at that. "Plus I'm getting tired of leaving your bed before the sun comes up."

"I'm not a fan of it either," he relents. "When your parents were out of town, and I got you all morning...that may have been one of the best days of my life."

She smiles softly. "We can make it a more regular occurrence. Maybe not every day, but...a step forward?"

Lenny considers that for a long moment. Waking up with her in his arms. Holding her hand in public. Being a punchline in her act.

"I'd like that," he breathes.

She smiles. "Me too," she whispers as she rests her head on his shoulder.

[randomwriteronline]

part of @cantankerouscanuck 's Bionicle/LU AU

"Hey. Champion."

That was how they called him, yes. Because he was a champion. Nobody could best him in the colosseum. Many had tried; many had been forced to try. Many had faced him hoping to shatter his teeth and cut off his spine, or at least he imagined that was the goal - as that was what Skakdi did when fighting between themselves for turf.

He wasn't too interested in keeping trophies. Which explained why he had blown them all up to smithereens.

Wild turned around in his cell to see who had addressed him.

Ah!

The Hordika.

He'd seen him before, yes, he had. Fairly often. His employer was the one who held Wild's leash, after all. The Vortixx on whose behalf he had to fight. But he was nice, a balm for sore eyes.

The Skakdi bared his teeth wider in a grin.

"How are you?" the hulking Kavinika-like Toa asked as he settled a little closer to his cage. "Seemed like a rough fight, last one."

"Hm," Wild replied: "Not so much."

"Your arm looked pretty battered in the end."

"It's alright."

"You need it, you do know that. How would you ever manage to get proper results, exploding things with only one hand?"

"I can do that no problem."

"Yes, but think of the lack of symmetry."

The slave fighter laughed heartily, making the iron bars around him shake with the power of his guffaws. Maybe it wasn't that funny, but to hear such a beast of raw animalistic power talk about symmetry - oh, it was too much for him, far too much for him. He laughed so hard his stomach began cramping.

"I'll consider it," he conceded at last when he could finally speak without risking choking on his own breath.

Twilight smiled back. He paced back and forth along the cage gingerly, trotting with a pep in his abnormally elongated limbs' step; if he could have, he would have gladly snaked into the prison to lean onto the powerful fighter.

He had a soft spot for the little Skakdi, he had to admit, even if calling that hulking mass of destruction 'little' might have seemed like either a cruel joke or an oxymoron. It remained that Wild was young, despite his undeniable strength, and something about that kicked off the instinct of some Rahi or another into him: he often found himself agreeing with the antsy part of him thar ached to demolish the cage and tear him away from that world - he would have rather had the kid go off and play with cubs his age, instead of having to survive death match after death match with few precious minutes between them to regain his breath and lick his wounds clean of the sand and shredded armor pieces.

But what would have happened then? A roughhousing gone wrong? An accidental death? A life on the run for manslaughter? That sort of bloodthirsty struggle was everything Wild had ever known, and he wasn't likely to forget it just as soon as he was out of that circle.

Besides, he couldn't have left Midna like that.

"I am serious, little champion," he said again: "Take care of yourself. I'd hate to see your pieces pillaged one day, and you know I mean it."

A monstrously large finger snuck out from between the bars and gently scratched at the Hordika's armor: "It won't be me losing out there," he promised. His voice was a mixture of reassurance and overconfidence. "There's nothing they can throw at me that I haven't fought yet."

"So you think. You'd be surprised how many creatures there could be in this world of ours - and don't forget that the Makuta live to make more of them every day."

Wild shrugged: "Nothing I can't handle."

For now, Twilight did not add.

He tensed suddenly: his head snapped to the door, backbone arching towards the ceiling to appear somehow even larger than he already was, limbs flattening into a preparatory pounce, ready to stop the approaching threat in its tracks.

The Skakdi turned alert as well, just for a moment. Then the half Rahi relaxed: ah. A known scent, a known step, a known face.

The Vortixx walked in without a single fear, strolling about like she owned the place - which she didn't, not yet, as the arena cells were so kindly provided by Xia itself; what she did own were the powerful beings, one caged, one free, who greeted her arrival with fairly respectful nods in her direction.

"Rise and shine, Heel boy," Midna apostrophed her slave fighter: "I'll be needing your brawn in just a moment."

"What for?" he asked despite Twilight's apprehension.

Of course he knew what for, generally. Skakdi might come in a bit of a dim variety sometimes, but even the stupidest can tell when someone wants to unleash a good old fashioned carnage of any kind.

He simply was a little curious about who, or what, he would be needing to unmake with his own two hands.

She smirked, orange wires wrapped around her neck glowing gently with wicked satisfaction: "Nothing much. We'll just be paying Cia's toys a visit - to gift them a nice, long, painful trip back to their maker. Hopefully in a practical box."

Wild grinned.

'Hopefully in a practical box' was always a fun way to send someone to Karzhani.

[freakingoutthesquares]

Discord of the miners' strike influenced a musical journey

By The Newsroom (Yorkshire Post) 25th Mar 2010

AS a 22 year-old graduate fresh out of university, Russell Senior seemed to have the world at his feet. Instead, when he returned home to Sheffield in 1984, he found the city on its knees. "A lot of factories were closing and there was a palpable air of gloom. My dad was a steelworker [and had] been made redundant. I was quite political at the time and I was angry about what was happening," he says.

"The Government had a go at the steelworkers first, then the railway workers and then the miners who were always going to be the toughest nut to crack. So when the miners' strike started, I went to the NUM headquarters and volunteered my services and said, 'What do you want me to do?'"

He was seconded to Nalgo (National Association of Local Government Officers) which ran minibuses through the night taking people to the picket lines and spent the next 12 months as one of the flying pickets. "I was there from the first day to the last when the miners marched back to work with their heads held high," he says.

Senior, who went on to spend 13 years with Sheffield indie band Pulp, is one of the guest speakers tomorrow on the final day of a conference hosted by Leeds University, discussing the consequences of the miners' strike. Several of Pulp's songs are featured in a documentary, The Beat is the Law, which charts the Sheffield music scene during the '80s set against the backdrop of the strike.

For Senior, it was a pivotal time in his life as 1984 was also the year he joined the band. "The two dovetailed, so I was in what was at the time a small band and by night I was out supporting the miners. It was an odd kind of life," he admits. "It was a privilege in a way to be there and at times I felt like Woody Allen's character Zelig, who appears at different historic events, because there were occasions I'd find myself sitting behind Arthur Scargill on a coach heading to a picket line. It felt like an important struggle."

As a frontline picket he witnessed numerous clashes between police and miners, the worst of which was at the infamous Battle of Orgreave. "You could tell something was going to happen. The police formed this shield wall and it was like witnessing a scene from a medieval battle. We'd not seen anything like this in Britain, it was the kind of thing you'd associate with Pinochet's Chile. The way they set about the miners was quite frightening. I was brought up to respect the police, but I changed my mind that day."

When the strike finally ended in 1985, Senior focused on his musical career. "I wanted the band to be world beaters and it was a full-time job, I wasn't just pootling about. The same kind of angst that went in to supporting the miners' strike went into the band."

But although Pulp, and in particular charismatic frontman Jarvis Cocker, went on to enjoy huge success in the '90s, it was a long, hard slog. "It was fairly grim in the early years when we were desperately trying to get off the ground. I've played more concerts to 50 people than I have to 10,000," says Senior, the band's former guitarist and violinist.

"The best bands often have quite a lot of tension and that was the case with us. We didn't really fit in with other bands and it was only when Britpop started that we found some other kindred spirits." But just as the band was at the height of its popularity following the release of Different Class, Senior decided to quit in 1997. "I liked the idea of ending on a high, I didn't want to slowly fade away."

Senior is still on friendly terms with his former bandmates, but these days the 48 year-old, who lives in Sheffield with his partner and two children, prefers a quieter life and is concentrating on writing his first novel.

However, reflecting on the miners' strike he believes that only now – a quarter-of-a-century after it finished – is it being reassessed. "The miners were portrayed as this brutal mob of football hooligans," he says. "Someone said at the time that in 20 years they will tell the truth about this – when it's too late."

The Beat is the Law available to buy here.

[sleep-studies-and-pokemon]

#0001 - Bulbasaur

Hey, remember when Bulbasaur was only #001? How things change with a little research and people talking to one another across regions!

Anyway, it was off to Kanto a couple of years back that I started making my sleep study notes. Diana was only lvl 5 as I'd raised her from being an egg and I was only 2 years retired from rangerhood, something I'd studied for. I tell ya, my parents weren't pleased after they spent all that money sending me away to ranger school and I only stuck with it for a short while! But ah well.

I was on a Kantonian mission, armed with a book of the local dialect and a fully completed Pokedex (not from my own studies, just the kind you can get a copy of already completed by whoever does these studies) to tell me where to find what I was looking for!

I heard from locals that Bulbasaur and it's evolutions can be found wandering Viridian Forest and was super excited to be able to camp out in such a lovely place. I stocked up real good on Bug Type Spray (let's face it, this stuff is just Repel but with specific repellents and should not be so much extra than regular stuff or near impossible to get), a reinforced net and lots of antidotes and paralyse heals though...

Under the cut is what I found!

Believe it or not but Bulbasaur are group Pokemon and like to wander in herds, led by a Venusaur. Rarely do Ivysaur join them and newly evolved ones leave fairly soon (that's actually how I got to study an Ivysaur but more on that later...)

It took me a long while to track down a heard of Bulbasaur which was roaming between clearings in Viridian Forest. Luckily I still remember a lot of my ranger training and can put it to good use.

This herd had 14 Bulbasaur and a female Venusaur as it's leader. The sex of the leading Venusaur rarely matters for the Bulbasaur, only that they are strong enough to protect.

I wouldn't describe Bulbasaur as completely docile and they were on edge with my presence, especially since I stuck around all day. Even at a distance I could tell they were watching me carefully and I was doing everything I could to communicate my feelings of friendship without technological help.

The second herd I found had only 4 Bulbasaur and a rather elderly male Venusaur who was not as happy with my presence and regular sprayed Poison Powder at me.

The last was a huge herd of over 30 and it's this one i got most of my data from. The female Venusaur there seemed newly evovled - the colours of her petals still extremely vibrant and her seed mostly unformed. Clearly she had earned a lot of respect in her time pre-evolved though.

Bulbasaur as it turns out have stay apparatus and will mostly sleep for short periods of time standing up. I have to admit I love and am fascinated with Bulbasaur and all Pokemon which are florauna. Watching them stand around drinking up little bits of sunset light and moonlight was very peaceful. The soft 'saur...saur...' of the snoring ones...ahem, getting off track.

When entering REM sleep (Diana is good at detecting when this happens, she is a Drowzee after all) Bulbasaur do tend to lay down, often very close to other Bulbasaur and as many as possible will crowd around the Venusaur.

The whole herd moves very early in the morning, stopping to eat and enter these light dozes every so often. Sometimes a startled Bulbasaur would release a little poison powder when started awake - but this was rare and possibly just a personality trait of the couple I saw it in.

Over the number of weaks I spent with them their cuddling with each other really endeared me to the species. Gently butting your neighbour seems to be a Bulbasaur's sleepy way of saying 'hey, I like you, let's stand here and sleep together'. When laying they tended to give each other a little more space.

Side note: I found a lone Bulbasaur wandering around almost by accident. The swelling of it's bulb seemed to indicate it was close to evolution but I found it strange to see it split off before evolution had occured. When sleeping it often hugged itself with it's vines as if missing the company of other Bulbasaur. It became much friendlier towards me than the herd and slept right next to me on multiple occasions. I theorise that some kind of hiearchy based issue or social dispute may have resulted in this Bulbasaur becoming an outcast.

However, as much as it made me sad, I wasn't there to intervene too much so as a parting gift Diana lulled it into a deeper sleep with Hypnosis so it wouldn't worry so much~ she tasted it's dreams a little and reported that they seemed good - not as good as my curry though I hope! :)

[kyrodo]

So tomorrow/today we'll be turning in our ballots. I admit I do lag behind when it comes to these things, especially for local stuff, or the "unimportant elections". Also because it is CA it kinda feels like a drop in the bucket more than anything. Nothing's gonna be coming down to the wire here, just the local stuff. I'm not gonna say it's not important or even that everyone should follow my example. But I do tend to focus more on my day to day activities more than anything else. Anything that doesn't get eaten up by choskey at least.

I have a few things I gotta do for Mana. I have impressions to uphold with the unity job. I have my own gaming I want to do between hardspace shipbreakers and cyberpunk. Both of which I find very enjoyable for different reasons. Shipbreakers is pretty repetitive, even the smallest ship can be a lot of work, but the perfection of technique is part of what draws me to it, as well as the promise of better equipment later down the road, and the curiosity of what happens in the late game. The debt goes down faster than I was expecting.

Cyberpunk I'm doing the dlc which is funnily relevant, as with just about any old random thing I decide to do unwittingly that happens to be on the nose before I even realize it. I don't know why it happens so often but that little bit of feng shui is part of what keeps life interesting for me, even if the feng shui itself is just things I like to observe out of what happens around me. Being hacked made me notice it more, because then I could actually point it out and be like "ooh look at that thing I would've only observed by myself if you hadn't been here". And perhaps that is one of the few things that allowed me to tolerate it. It hits different than when I used to see these things by myself and tell myself most people would just ignore it and move on.

I had a running gag between me and my sister when it comes to luck, things like "2% is basically 100%" and other funny observations from when we played games together. Like "luck is a skill". I remember the lucky moments I had playing mtg as well back when my furry pack was active and enjoyable to be a part of. I have my crush on paige and all the things I remember from watching inuyasha that sometimes pushed me towards fantasy over reality, especially remembering the beautiful music that came with it or similarish songs from elsewhere. Back when I felt being more like her favorite character would make me more likeable. The voice of reason is there to tell me to behave and get back to reality, but occasionally I don't feel like it. Occasionally I'd rather be immersed in it. And all those things combined to make me.

I am smart. I am lazy. I am down to earth to a point, until it comes to more serious things or responsibilities. At least away from the keyboard my emotions tend to be fairly stable. I like my balance of cute things and emo things. I like high energy anime over boring and repetitive ones. I like watching things that are action or story packed over comedy reels and streams on youtube. I prefer to play rather than watch. I'm too impatient to read. I have too much energy to sit still for that long without doing something. And I kinda run away from getting old by acting like a cat or wolf with Red, Choskey, or vrchat. I am naturally cute socially. That's where I prefer to be personality wise. Either cute or sensible. And I constantly worry and think about how people feel about how I interact with them that I look out for social cues. I get a little sulky when someone's mad at me and I don't feel like they thought it through. I live a sheltered life because of my circumstances and because of my over reliance on Red for things like driving that I always feel like a fun and happy life is just beyond my reach. That is who I am.

Red fell in love with me because he saw potential in me. In my skills as a programmer, in my ability to "soak" up information. He nurtured my skills in the beginning when we were in college before things kinda flipped when he couldn't graduate. I also used to be the only thing that keeps him calm, the only thing that could relax him. I have my shortcomings here and there including not doing much in the way of house chores and responsibilities beyond token efforts like doing the dishes and occasionally trash. I am more likely to keep quiet when I have issue with something rather than vocalize it, at least unless it's social media. I have a few other blemishes for the concerned if they don't really know my scope. But I am overall a very well rounded person, moreso than anyone I've ever met it seems. Everyone seems to have an issue here and there, short tempers, excessive impatience, poor recognition of social cues, etc. I for the most part don't and my decision making tends to be on point at least these days. I have much more confidence in myself than before.

[thecoolerliauditore]

yapping cus i just finished the game. @azspam you weren't kidding when you said "utena for gay men" jesus.

spoilers below

I just finished my first playthrough so this is not comprehensive whatsoever. for these symbolism-heavy, figure out what's happening type things I tend to just let my first experience be casual otherwise I stress myself out trying to figure out everything right off the bat. I like the disclaimer at the end about the creator thinking people who assume they understand the plot after a single playthrough are dumb lol

So this is very much an interactive story first and a game second. I went in a little overwhelmed with the controls expecting a more standard rpg combat system when it's much more of a puzzle/exploration game than anything else. Which is fine ofc it's not intended to fire off any gameplay-based neurons but I was really confused and ended up walking pretty much the entire map before I fought Superbad.

Similarly, the QoL is alright but I did end up having to resort to searching up a video to find the last money box and, later on, a spirit I was missing. I'll admit I did kind of groan in frustration when the game essentially told me I had to run around and find a specific non-descriptive npc on a map full of un-interactable npc sprites but the warp made it not that bad and I was lucky enough to find the one that was missing fairly quickly.

The game has a seizure warning at the start and thank god it does because even though I'm not photosensitive usually whatsoever some of these rooms had my pupils contracting in a way I could feel. Especially the rooms near the end with multi-coloured tiles that change colour as you move.

That being said the visuals are AWESOME to me. While I wouldn't really call this a horror game it really knows how to make an atmosphere unnerving. I love this room with the fox spirits as well as the room where the pistol granny tells you the story about the dead (reincarnating?) prostitute.

The talking sprites too have so much charm to them. I love that they only seem to be reserved for the characters in Heart's version of reality with the assassins, with their moe art style kind of serving as a harsh contrast to the harsh reality behind Heart's fantasy.

The boss intros especially are so much fun. I haven't played the post-game which I assume will further explore Heart's relationship with the "top 3" but I'd like to think however exaggerated there's a drop of truth in how each of them literally introduce themselves through singing about their views on love.

The main focus of the game however is definitely its story -- whatever that story is. It leads you in a certain direction before dipping you into the meta sauce as you begin to see the story-under-the-story (Heart's reality vs fantasy) but then it subverts that too until you're so many layers deep you as the player are just as confused as Heart to what the "real" story is.

Yeah sorry Heart I don't. I don't fucking know either man.

This is probably my favourite example of the constant rug-pulling, near the end of the game after watching these two characters who have been concretely "real" up to this point suddenly acknowledge they aren't.

It reminds me of this theatre convention I learnt about awhile ago about how theatre performances will often pull the rug out right at the climax of an emotional scene, because it's otherwise really hard to redirect the audience's energy. Everytime this game gets too real/depressing it hits you in the head with another layer of meta or a seemingly goofy one-off that isn't all it seems to be. Which I can't say is purposeful but does fit really well with the overall theatre/musical/performance theme of the game.

Heart himself is an incredible character. He's deeply selfish and probably maybe a murderer but he's also been through the fucking wringer. His idealization of Matsusato as his "prince" is destructive, but clearly born as a result of his abusive upbringing as well as the homophobia around him.

Heart's rant about "men" near the end of the game is a pretty clear reflection of himself.

Despite his childishness he seems to have some level of self-reflection, the goosebumps I got when he admits his desired ideal lover (his "prince") was his father's unconditional love all along jesus christ.

I initially assumed this game was going the sexual abuse route with Heart and his father's relationship, but I don't think there's really much evidence to support that other than things that I have to assume are me looking too deep into it (e.g. the aforementioned Heart admitting his father was his "prince" all along, Heart's father mentioning in the journal that Heart's singing reminded him of his wife).

Whatever the case is, Heart seems happy enough to disregard it in order to continue pursuing his "happiness" as he calls it. The game goes out of its way to show he doesn't care about destroying himself in the process of reaching that "happiness".

Matsusato's a savage here but if what he says is to be believed, it seems like the top 3 (or whoever they are in the real world) have been trying their best to get through to Heart and nothing's worked. So his frustration's kind of understandable to me lol

It seems like Heart did have the capacity for change, but like he says himself, he doesn't care what he has to do in order to reach that happiness.

The final screen is terrifying to me idk why this out of all the things I've seen in games freaks me out so much but it does. Something deeply visceral about it. I understood this as Heart killing himself in prison to be with his deceased father, just like he said he would do with Matsusato at the beginning of the game ("go to hell together"), but Heart (and Matsusato) dies like 4 times over the course of the game's plot so I'm not going to be confident about that take.

Anyway. Game's free. Go play it.

I did end up finding out about the dev passing away while writing this and now I'm very sad

[violetdisasterzone]

THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE THE TIME WAR BY AMAL EL-MOHTAR AND MAX GLADSTONE

NO SPOILERS - CROSS-POSTED ON GOODREADS

RATING: 3.8/4

This has been on my TBR for a very long time, and I will be the first to admit that my anticipation combined with the sheer amount of raving recommendations likely has much to do with my initial disappointment, or at least dissatisfaction, when I began reading. For about the first 75 pages, I was fighting to stay engaged; while the basic premise is not too difficult to grasp - two factions at war, time traveling agents fighting to realize certain events and disperse others to suit their needs and advance their teams' missions - "what else?" was a lingering question on my mind, because that brief description is, in fact, all the information we ever receive. Red and Blue's later communications reveal bits and pieces of background information as to the nature of their respective organizations, but the lack of any concrete worldbuilding was disorienting and, to be honest, uninteresting. I found myself perpetually waiting, for what I don't know. For a plot to be woven from all these strands, for all the blood they'd been spilling to give life to something that could make this story more than just a vessel for Red and Blue to find each other through. Neither of these happened, and this dissatisfaction remained an aftertaste in my mouth all the way through the end of the novel.

Somewhere around page 100, the confusion lessened not because anything was revealed, but because this world we've found ourselves in is well and truly irrelevant outside of keeping our protagonists apart, their missions losing all purpose (if they had any in the first place - we certainly wouldn't know) outside of acting as conduits for their letters. The fact that they are bioengineered immortal time-travelling mercenaries for unknown, chaotic entities fighting an interdimensional time war has basically no importance*, which is not something I thought I'd ever say about a book about two bioengineered immortal time-travelling mercenaries fighting in an interdimensional time war. And yet here we are.

*Though it may be largely irrelevant to the novel as a whole, I acknowledge that these roles are the very core of both Red and Blue's characters - it's more than what they do, it's who they are. Being non-human entities forged for this sole purpose and having millennia of experience acting only as these agents has a direct hand in their feelings for and interactions with each other.

I am a romantic at heart, and heaven knows I've been pretentious enough times to be called a hypocrite for saying this, but their letters were absolutely dripping in flowery prose and elaborate, lengthy metaphors. I'll admit that many lines, particularly toward the end, had my heart fluttering, but in equal measure I often found it difficult to wade through the dense, sickly-sweet language the authors clearly prefer.

Red and Blue also seemed to enjoy a fair amount of violent implications in their romance, intended metaphorically or literally I could never quite tell. Whether this was due to their un-human natures or simply my own differing preferences, this at certain points rendered their relationship just as confusing as the rest of the novel. I did, however, ultimately find their unconventional relationship sweet enough to excuse the honey-dipped-in-sugar (and dipped again in blood) prose through which their love story was written.

I've still chosen to give this a fairly high rating because despite my many critiques, I did enjoy myself in the last two-thirds, and I found myself charmed by our protagonists despite how little we really knew of them, and I found their love and loyalty for each other believable and sweet. The authors' choices were bold, and though I may have gripes with their execution, I admire their creativity and ingenuity.

[magiclwritings]

Cesare felt the air around him still and chill in the same stroke. His eyes narrowed on Quin and all the alcohol he'd drank felt as though it evaporated through every pore on his body. In that moment he couldn't understand the man's tone but he felt the rigidiness just the same. He hadn't done anything wrong. Not really. Had Beau confused him for a few moments? Yes. But nothing more had come of that. And once the prince found out who he was and what he was doing, it wasn't difficult to deduce the rest. But clearly Quintus wasn't ready or willing to do that yet and he'd have to explain in a way that didn't seem as though he were trying to defend the other to him. Wasn't he just the one being made to be made?

"I don't think it's difficult to understand that someone in his line of work." He paused, staring pointedly at the other for a moment before he continued. "Don't always receive the best treatment. And knowing the man that was pulling his strings." Which was partly a lie. Cesare didn't know their uncle well. Or, as well as he'd thought he had. In all the years he'd ventured to the castle in Vivec alone and in his father's tow, he'd never had Richard treat him poorly. The odd comment here and there, with more frequency as he'd grown closer to Quin, but never would he have guessed he was a power hungry man, hell bent on dethroning his own nephews at any cost. "I didn't think it was such a jump to assume that some of what has happened with you may also have happened with him." His brow raised and he sighed out, not ready to admit the next part. "Because you do look similiar enough that I imagine whatever he he wanted to say or do to you he often took out on Beau instead when the opportunity didn't present itself with you."

The prince stretched himself out on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. There it is. The soft, fuzzy feeling of the meade found him again and he breathed out slowly. "You've never told me the extent of what happened with ... Richard." He started, crossing his ankles over each other and his hands folded over and laid against his lap. It was hard to hear that name in his own voice. Until that moment he was fairly certain they'd never uttered his name between themselves. But the threat was very real and not using his name made it feel like he was bigger than they, and that simply could never be in Cesare's opinion. "Beau wasn't kind when he said it." He started, his fingers itching to dig into anything to make this less painful to speak about, less painful to watch Quintus' face when he'd finally gotten it out. "But I started putting it together. The way you don't like to be touched and how you're constantly on top of everything and everyone." He gave a slight shake of his head because honestly this did nothing but show just how strong this man on the bed was to him. And should be to everyone. "He only confirmed the missing piece that I'd been guessing at."

Cesare's tongue swiped along his lips to keep them from drying out completely. "Please don't take my kindness towards him as anything but that." He swallowed hard and fought himself on what he was about to say next but he thought better than to hide it. "When I first came upon Beau in what were suppose to be your quarters I couldn't be sure it was you. The room was too dark." The contents of his stomach churned and he felt odd enough to shift his weight. "He shared a kiss or two but nothing more than that." His cheeks instantly flared to the bright redness of coals and he found himself wanting to sink completely into the mattress. "I realized he wasn't you and threatened him within an inch of his life to get me to you and when that didn't work." He sighed and shrugged again. "I just tried to treat him like a person." He paused, seeing the snide comment coming quick but he cut Quin off before it could be made. "He wants to live. Free. Just like you and I. Just like everyone else. I couldn't imagine the sort of life one leads pretending to be someone else. Never having anything that is truly your own." Cesare gave a slight shake of his head and breathed out through his nose. "I just didn't want to be the sort of person that sees someone in a bad position regardless of their own involvement and not do anything to help. I've never been that way and I won't start now." He was firm on that whether Quin liked it or not. He could only hope his honesty didn't cost him everything else in the process.

Beau didn’t deserve anything, especially from Quintus, and as he rolled over to tell Cesare just that, he stopped being cold in his movements. 

He survived not great things too. 

Quin’s body went cold at the words, eyes narrowing as he read them for what they were. It could mean that Cesare knew, but he was many things, and a great actor was not one of them. He believed if Cesare knew about his past with his uncle, he would not be able to contain himself. His future husband would go through all of the stages of grief knowing that any kind of physical harm had come to Quintus, especially at such a young age. He could have simply meant all of the other horrors his uncle had committed, but that was banking on the idea that Cesare hadn’t made the connection regarding what Beau was to Quin’s uncle. 

It was challenging to decide if he wanted to press it when he couldn’t determine precisely what Cesare knew. If he did know, Quin would have to live with the stain of his uncle tainting their relationship, potentially ruining their future wedding plans. If he didn’t realize, Quin would be serving the truth to him on a silver platter. 

He sat up as Cesare came over with the tray. He only ate what was handed to him because he didn’t want Cesare to comment on his lack of appetite. Quin ate slowly, chewing meticulously, but everything tasted like ash, and with every bite, he had to force himself to swallow. It was like chewing nails. He listened to Cesare’s words, looking up from the dried fruit in his hands to study his expression. If there was ever a time Quintus wished he could read minds, it was this moment. 

He wanted to share Cesare’s excitement about having both Avenicci brothers under the same roof and look forward to experiencing Adros with Cesare, but Quin was that kind of man. He couldn’t let things go; he couldn’t ignore the possibility that Cesare may know and wasn’t admitting it. 

“What did you mean,” He said slowly, carefully. He ripped the piece of fruit in his hand to shreds, flicking the bits of skin off on the tray. “Earlier.’ Quintus glanced up at Cesare, gaze scanning over his face. “When you said ‘He survived not great things too’?” Quin raised a brow, waving his hand flippantly. “He was playing a role for my uncle. Pretending to be me, he agreed to go to trial disguised as me to plead guilty. While I was locked in my room and drugged constantly,  he had the run of the castle and could come and go as he pleased.  Anything he wanted was given to him as long as he played by my uncle’s rules, which he did so eagerly. So I suppose I’m just confused about what horrors he faced that you have been made aware of. He’s faced enough to warrant you saving and smuggling him out of the country. So please, do share."