#which happened fairly often ...or more than I'd like to admit

[adustoflove]

Every time I cry, my first thought is just I wish Scrabble were here 😭

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Ghouls and sex pollen: thoughts? Feelings? I’ve seen in some fics the concept of excessive rads gets a Ghoul going, but I’d love your expert opinion ;)

My feelings are as follows: sex pollen is one of my favorite tropes for sci-fi and I go a little nuts thinking about it, frankly. It's often heavily tinged with flavors of BDSM/primal play/self-denial/dubcon/etc., and I enjoy stuff in that vein. I'm also a real dupe for what is basically forced escalation of sexual tension between characters that don't wanna admit how badly they'd like to fuck one another, and the trope lends itself really nicely to exactly that.

I've seen similar fics to the ones you mentioned, and I've also seen fics that take a more traditional approach and have a more literal sex pollen/inhalable pheromone vehicle. Both work great for the canon and setting, in my opinion. Thanks to the likes of Vault-Tec, we have biological experiments gone horrifically awry in the vein of Vault 22 (a crop research vault whose researchers all fell victim to what is basically a "zombie ant"-style parasitic fungus that eventually coats your entire body) to lend credence to the possible existence of something like that. The fungus that took over Vault 22 also originally came as donated samples from the X-22 research lab/botanical garden at Big MT. If you don't know anything about the horny, intellectually overstimulated little freaks featured in Old World Blues, well...let's just say that something like a "sex pollen" being created by someone there, purposefully or through acts of unbelievable incompetence, isn't outside the realm of possibility.

However, literal sex pollen is a more broadly-applicable trope, and it's for that reason that I also really like the excessive rads/radstorm idea. Trust me, I know that in the incredibly niche terms of "Fallout ghoul fucker fanfiction tropes", the idea that high radiation situations are basically the same thing, but for ghouls, is as overdone as 70's pornos with plots about fucking pizza delivery guys or whatever. But, like...I will firmly argue that it's that popular for multiple reasons. Those reasons are that it's fun to read, fun to write, and a pretty canon-appropriate way to provide that sort of instantaneous, almost insurmountable sexual tension that I was talking about before.

As I sort of touched on the other day in my little drabble about sex with glowing ones, I think radiation is not only something that rapidly heals ghouls, but something that actively re-energizes them when they're exposed to higher amounts of it. Maybe it even makes them a little stronger, a little faster. A lot hornier.

To me, though, it's less like the overwhelming, visceral, "I need to fuck something now or I'm seriously gonna fall over dead" sort of horny that you often see in sex pollen fiction. In my mind, it's almost more of an ecstasy-style euphoria that makes you feel so good and alive that all you wanna do is sink yourself into the person next to you. Lots of energy, shared good feelings with others who can feel what you're feeling. It lends itself heavily to things getting physical, and quickly.

And not just because the increased rads in the atmosphere would recharge them, either. I imagine things like radstorms, or spending time in a particularly irradiated location, provide a fairly significant analgesic effect to ghouls who suffer from chronic pain in some form, of which I imagine there are a great many. More who do than don't, I'd be willing to bet. Ghoulification is hell on the body, and that's before you factor in how many of these people have stuck around to put wear and tear on their bodies far past the typical human life span. There's a reason characters like Raul complain about their joints all the time! Pain is exhausting, and even those with high sex drives can find themselves hampered if they're always hurting and tired. Take away the hurt, provide some energy, and don't be shocked at what happens!

I will say, though, that I would certainly leave room for the possibility that some ghouls would have more of a "take me into a high-rad area or a storm and I'm gonna have to carry you out, because you won't be able to walk once I'm finished with you" sort of reaction to these situations. Factors like a lack of overall daily pain, higher than average sex drive, a particularly sadistic or aggressive nature, or already present intoxication would increase the odds. In cases like that, extra precaution would need to be taken so that they didn't accidentally do you serious harm; increased inhibition means loss of control, and the average ghoul is already strong enough to hurt you if they want to without extra radiation fueling them.

Plus, you know, there's the matter of how the increased rads will impact you without your partner even being factored in. I hope you're stocked up to your eyeballs in Radaway!

[misc-obeyme]

not sure if this one has been done before but i'd like to request a set of headcanons for the dateables who assumed mc (male or gender neutral, up to you!) had feelings for someone else, and had already given up, right up until they confessed that they were in love with them.

also, can solomon's be set during nightbringer? i don't mind when the others are set!

thank you! i love your writing!!

Hi there, anon!

This may have been done, but it hasn't been done by me, so you're good lol! Oh man this one was fun. They all start out angsty and then end with the confession and I love it. I have to write angst more often, apparently I enjoy making characters feel pain. Which is weird considering I made myself sad writing these. I kind of feel like this might just be the universal writer experience, though.

Also I feel I should mention that Diavolo believes MC is in love with Lucifer because I honestly feel like that's the only scenario in which he would completely give up lol. Everybody else's is vague, but they all think it's one of the brothers.

Thank you for the request!

the dateables think GN!MC is in love with someone else and give up on them, but then MC confesses

Warnings: angst as all the characters believe that MC is in love with someone else, but ends with fluff

Diavolo

He can tell that there's someone you care about. It's in the way you sometimes get a private sort of look, like you're thinking about something very specific, and then you smile softly. Seeing that smile makes his heart ache. He's so happy that there's someone who makes you feel that way, someone who makes you smile like that, but he's fairly certain it isn't him. The pain of knowing that you'll never be his is deep. It keeps him up at night, but he tries to act like there's nothing wrong.

He thinks you're in love with Lucifer. He can't deny that there's something special between the two of you. And he's convinced that Lucifer is the only one that you could be in love with. Lucifer is protective, competent, and always looking out for you. You rely on him, but he relies on you, too, more than he would admit. And Diavolo simply doesn't have that closeness with you.

He thinks he's being very realistic about the situation. There's no point in pursuing you when your heart clearly belongs to someone else. Convinces himself that he's happy enough just to be near you, to be in your presence. Sometimes lets himself feel jealousy over it, but works hard to suppress that feeling. Actively tries to move on because he has responsibilities he needs to focus on.

So when you confess to him, he's in shock. Actually speechless for several minutes. And then he grabs your hands. MC, are you sure? Are you sure you're in love… with him? You won't have to reassure him more than once. As soon as you tell him you're sure, he's accepted what you've told him. Gets teary eyed about it because the feeling in his chest is so overwhelming. He never thought this could happen, but here you are, telling him that you're in love with him. All he wants to do now is kiss you. You've made him so happy he can't think straight.

Barbatos

He knows right away that you've fallen for someone. He's observant, so it isn't hard for him to pick up on it. It's obvious in the way you get a little preoccupied sometimes. You become a little forgetful and scatterbrained, like your mind is somewhere else. But you also seem a little happier, quicker to smile and laugh. What an odd feeling for him. Seeing you like this fills him with a special contentment. And yet…

Barbatos doesn't necessarily know who it is you have feelings for. At least, there's nobody he suspects is your special person. He just knows it isn't him. He's convinced that he would be able to tell if it was. Sometimes thinks about who it might be and has certain others that he thinks would be a good fit for you, but he doesn't dwell on this too much. Busies himself with his work so he doesn't have to think about that little sting he feels whenever he thinks about it.

A master at compartmentalizing his mind and feelings so that he doesn't have to deal with them. Simply tucks all that away into a corner of his soul where he can ignore it entirely. Let it stay there and fester for a bit. He has more important things to deal with than his own silly feelings. And so nobody would be able to tell - not you, not Diavolo, no one. He has a lot of practice at keeping secrets, after all.

But all of that is going to come bursting out of its restraint when you tell him how you feel. Blushes instantly. Overcome, overwhelmed, flooded with the emotions he'd been keeping locked up tight. You can see the chaos in his eyes. But he takes control of all of this pretty quickly. Pulls you close to him, wraps you in his arms. Truly you may never know the extent of his happiness, MC. Please always stay by his side.

Simeon

It isn't so much that he doesn't notice as he just assumes he's wrong. There's definitely something different about you lately, but he's not going to guess at what it is. Probably asks you directly if there's anything on your mind. Considering you're likely not ready to tell him how you feel, you can pretty much say anything about what's going on in your life and he'll accept it. Moves on without too much questioning, but keeps an eye on you.

Eventually, he won't be able to deny it. He's going to have a specific demon brother in mind, too. He watches you with that brother, whichever one you're closest to, and thinks he's figured it out. Even though you didn't tell him you were in love when he asked and he knows it's not a good thing to assume, he still can't help but notice it. The way you smile when that brother speaks to you. The way you seem to drift near him whenever you can.

And if Simeon takes the time to consider this for very long at all, he'll realize that the feeling that bubbles up in him first is jealousy. He's not happy about that. He doesn't like the way it makes him feel. And just underneath it, he senses a deep pain that he doesn't want to explore. So he attempts to shut it all down. He's very good at maintaining his composure when he's with you. But when he's alone, he lets himself feel everything. Might even let himself cry if he's certain no one will hear him.

Definitely cries when you tell him how you really feel. Just lets that relief wash over him and his love for you is something he can't contain. Please hold him, MC. He just wants to be near you forever. Never let him go. He might ramble for a little bit about how he thought you were in love with someone else. He might even tell you all about how it made him feel and how he wasn't dealing with it very well. But in the end, he's going to smile at you through his tears. Really make his heart burst by kissing them away.

Solomon

He's always known that you belong to the seven demon brothers. He knows him having a chance with you is just wishful thinking. It doesn't matter that you live with him now. That he's the only one who knows that you're really from the future. It doesn't matter how fast his heart beats whenever he sees your smile. That when he's with you all he can think about is putting his arms around you. Solomon knows you aren't his. You will always choose the brothers.

He's aware right away that you've got feelings for someone. He has his guesses. Perhaps two or three different demon brothers come to his mind. Starts paying attention to how you act around them to see if he can figure it out. He will question the brothers he suspects, just to see how they feel about you. If they give him less than satisfactory answers, he might try to steer you away from them. Not because he thinks that makes you more likely to choose him, but because he doesn't want to see you get hurt.

Ignores the way your softened expression makes his gut twinge. Sometimes stares at you for too long because he's trying so hard not to say something to you about it. He doesn't ask you because he knows he can't handle the answer. Starts throwing himself into his work. Forcing himself to think about anything else. But how can he think of anything other than you?

Your confession nearly takes him out. He's so surprised, so overcome with emotions, he falls to his knees at your feet. Grasps your hands like he's drowning and you're the only thing that will save him. He was holding so much tension inside and he didn't even realize it. Now it's all draining away. You can either pull him to his feet or join him on the floor. Either way, he needs you to hold him. MC, please tell him he isn't dreaming. Please tell him this is real. Reassure him with a kiss and he'll pull you into a fierce embrace, like he's scared you'll vanish if he doesn't hold you tight enough.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[antianakin]

hiii, it's me again, someone who keeps popping in to say things nobody asked for lol. i was wondering if people who've been in the fandom longer (like you) agree with my impression that the novelizations are reallyyy important context for fanon interpretations? i didn't realize this until a discussion i had today iwth someone who helpfully summarized some of the popular prequel novels, which seem to match up really well with headcanons & fanon personalities. apparently stover emphasized obi-wan's devotion to anakin and how he's a ride or die for him. and apparently another popular novel wrote an adult obi-wan "as if a teenager in emotional maturity" which also would, you know- explain a lot.

the novels i've actually read are the jedi apprentice series, which i don't have much issues with, even though they certainly spin the trauma wheel lol. maybe it's been qui-gon and obi-wan both feel as if they are trying their best and their misunderstandings due to mutual action, rather than pure passivity? or maybe that even though the books have very dramatic conflicts that certainly put obi-wan in woobifiable situations, they more often than not help draw out distinct characteristics and strengths of his through those situations?

Just for clarity, I have NOT been in this fandom all that long by my own standards. I obviously did watch Star Wars as a kid and read some Star Wars fanfics when I was really young, but in terms of "participating in fandom" as such, that's really only been happening since like... 2021 maybe? It was basically a COVID byproduct, I had the time to consume some Star Wars stuff I'd never managed to get around to before and things devolved from there. And I honestly have read hardly any of the novels or comics myself, including the official film novelizations. Like you, the only books I've actually read are the Jedi Apprentice middle grade books, and that's really it.

So while I can speak to some of the experiences I've had in this fandom since I got into it a few years ago, I cannot speak to what fandom has been like since those novelizations were released almost 20 years ago now.

Matthew Stover's ROTS novelization seems to be pretty popular and considered one of the better novelizations. I've had people tell me that there's SOME evidence Lucas had something to do with the book and so it's often considered a fairly high level of canon as a result.

But the passage you're referencing where Stover emphasizes how Obi-Wan is "ride or die" for Anakin is genuinely one of the reasons I've never bothered to read it, no matter how pretty people say his prose is. If you want to actually see it yourself, I'll copy it below.

The line in question comes from an extended version of the scene in ROTS where Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu are discussing Anakin's reaction to being asked to spy on Palpatine as Yoda heads off to Kashyyyk.

“I think," Obi-Wan said carefully, "that abstractions like peace don't mean much to him. He's loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return. He will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him." Mace and Yoda gazed at him steadily, and Obi-Wan had to lower his head. "Because," he admitted reluctantly, "he knows I would do the same for him.”

Interpret the scene how you will, I guess. The Anakin characterization meshes with how I tend to understand the character, but the Obi-Wan characterization could not be farther away from how I see him in canon.

I don't know anything about whatever novel wrote Obi-Wan as though he had the emotional maturity of a teenager. That doesn't ring any bells for me. It wouldn't surprise me at all if there are authors who've written Star Wars books that just simply don't like Obi-Wan all that much and so if he shows up in their work, he could come across as having the emotional maturity of a teenager because that's how that author chose to write him. It would seem odd for it to show up in an official film novelization, I would expect it more in some of the Legends content, but I suppose it's not impossible.

Legends content in general DOES have an impact on fanon and fan interpretations of Star Wars because, for a long while, it was the only way to GET more Star Wars content beyond the films themselves. For a lot of people, they were canon because there was nothing to refute them. And even once there was, people sometimes were still so attached to those stories that they preferred them to the story told in the films.

So, yeah, it can have a major impact on people's understanding of things. Often if you get into discussions about, say, the Jedi or the Force, people will bring up Legends content to prove their arguments. You shouldn't feel like this means you personally have to consume any Legends content you don't want to consume. I tend to avoid it most of the time. It is perfectly for you to just stick with the films or the shows or whatever books you find most interesting. And even within that, what you consider canon doesn't have to include literally everything you've chosen to consume. I've read the Jedi Apprentice books and enjoyed them, but it ISN'T real canon and I don't necessarily take any of it into account in my own interpretations of the characters. Legends content and Disney EU content is, in many ways, just officially licensed fanfiction. If you don't consider every fanfic you read to be canon, you do not have to consider every Legends book or comic you choose to read to be canon, either. Sometimes it's fun to just see other people's takes on Star Wars even if there's no way to fit into the canon story of Star Wars (as a side note, this is why I love Star Wars: Visions so much as a show).

I don't know if this really answered your question. As someone who doesn't consume a lot of Legends content and hasn't read a single one of the official film novelizations, I may not be the right person to ask about this.

[wishing-stones]

How do your takes on the boys set them apart from others do you think?

I'll be refering to them with their call names in this one

Targe(Killer) is a little difficult to say this for, because I think he's pretty standard. I'll say maybe that it's his loyalty to Nightmare that makes him unique. I haven't seen a lot of people explore that close friendship they have going on, the unwavering loyalty that doesn't often get explained. Killer owes Nightmare his life for rescuing him from his AU. Also, Targe is really, really competent. Scary smart, thinks quickly on his feet, and doesn't let his authority go questioned. He's a fantastic leader, not just a chaos gremlin.

Mote(Dust) is also hard to answer this for since I don't have a ton of other Dust interpretations to go off of. I'd say he's maybe a little more down-to-earth and... present? Than other takes I've seen on him. That he's not so lost in his delusions constantly. They're there, they're integral to his character, but he's also clever and resourceful. He's quiet, but he pays attention. I think I've said before that his character is the one closest still to his canon counterpart-- he's really just Sans who had an infinite run of Really Bad Days.

Haft(Axe) is a lot more chill than other Horrors I've seen. He doesn't regret what he's done at all-- he did what he had to in order to survive, and he's settled whatever guilt he might have had over that fact. He's also still blisteringly smart, and I have seen Horror played to be a little... dim sometimes, which does him an incredible disservice IMO. His 'canon' self (in the HT comic) is still smart, just a really jaded and kind of twisted survivalist. Haft has gone past that and into resolved survivalist. Suvival by whatever means necessary-- he had to defend himself and his brother more times than he cares to admit. Still... he's a big softy under it. He's a kind person at heart, he's just not gonna agonize over doing whatever needs doing. Haft also has a better relationship with food than I've seen portrayed. He's had time to work on it in his service to Nightmare.

Saltire(Cross) gets along with the guys a lot better than other instances of Cross I've seen with the BSG. He's also not as guilt-ridden, as his situation is fairly permanent. He's safe and secure in Nightmare's Hold, he does what he must in order to get by, and all things considered... it's not so bad. He has good food and drink, a nice room, gets to stretch his legs a bit with multiversal jaunts, a dedicated place to train, and a leader who respects and appreciates his capabilities. He's free here. Still, he's pretty withdrawn and takes a long time to trust, especially if someone (Killer) has stung him in the past. Sal... wants to move forward, even though his past weighs him down heavily. He reminds me of a big standoffish white wolf.

Sorpor(Baggs) doesn't have a whole lot different than his source material. I try to write him as close to canon as I can. The most he has that's different is that he's a little taller and knows about the multiverse. The latter can and probably will cause some interesting divergence from his canon timeline, considering he's aware of resets and how they can go (read: really badly). He has perephreral knowledge about some other things that can happen to the underground as well (Flowey, namely-- he wasn't present for the Photoshop Flowey fight, but he heard about it in therapy sessions). I'd say over time he's also gotten a little bit more direct because trying to manipulate the guys into what you want them to do is harder when they'll dance around with you. Straight and to the point gets more results with them, so he becomes a little more forceful. He also sleeps on a fairly regular basis, which makes him much more pleasant to be around constantly.

Umbrose(Nightmare) is fairly standard of the "classy" Nightmare variety. He enjoys his finer luxuries and arts, speaks largely without contractions, and uses big words. He likes to exude elegance and charisma, because while fierce can achieve results, it takes much less energy to simply... coax others into doing what you want. He's had years to chill out from utter violence, so he elects to do things in a fashion that doesn't tire him out consistently. He's also a fantastic leader. He treats all his underlings fairly and sees to it that they want for nothing. Ensuring their loyalty is important to him-- otherwise they could turn on him, and that would be bad. (I have some issues with the more abusive dynamics you see around with the BSG and him. You can only tettorize and threaten your minions into submission for so long before they plan mutiny). He's pretty chill, but no less intense in pursuing what he wants-- he's just smarter about it.

Aubade(Dream) is way more mature than a lot of takes on Dream I've seen around. He is tired. He wants to stop fighting with his brother. He doesn't understand where things went wrong and it eats him. At his core, he is existentially exhausted, but continues to do what he does out of duty. Certainly, he loves his friends and they do make him genuinely happy... but he's so tired, and if you look deeper into his actions, it shows. He also swears. He's not the perfect angel that can do no wrong, and he knows it. There are necessary evils that even the guardian of positivity must do. He's also aware that positivity does not equal goodness, and negativity does not equal badness. He's a little jaded, but understands that balance is a requirement in the multiverse, and so he has to keep doing his job. He's not afraid to take a life or beat someone to a pulp, though he'll issue warnings before he does.

Haboku(Ink) is a little more stable by proxy of being around his friends so much. Dream helps to remind him to take his paints regularly, and Blue will bully him into it if he has to. He's clever, too clever by half. He'll play to someones ignorant perception of him and has no issue letting them continue to think that he's an idiot with the memory of a goldfish and the attention span of a squirrel. He also enjoys stirring shit. He'll cause trouble just to cause it sometimes, but usually is good about not doing anything that will hurt he or his friends. He's fairly dutiful as well, and will protect the multiverse by any means necessary. Any. means. He is otherwise a pretty happy goofball who likes to make sure everyone around him is doing okay. He's honestly a sweet person if you're in good with him. He doesn't like to see unnecessary suffering.

Zaffre(Blue) has a knowledge of the multiverse and has been travelling it for a while. He's of the 'Jaded Blue' variety who tends to help Dream be Ink's leash. Still, he's a very happy guy who loves adventure and loves his friends. He's very passionate. He's no-nonsense. If you mess with what he cares about, gods grant you mercy because he won't. He hasn't killed, but he's certainly beaten a few people within an inch of their life in self defense or in defense of others. He's scary competent, and has a sense of duty to the multiverse much like Dream does. He is, at his core, still a Sans, though, so he is also incredibly intelligent and observant. He also still likes puns and practical jokes, which is not a trait I see applied to Blue very often! He does the whoopee cushion in the hand trick.

[thethirdromana]

Yes femininity on men in The Woman In White is a whole thing.

Fosco “with all his look of unmistakable mental firmness and power, he is as nervously sensitive as the weakest of [women]. He starts at chance noises as inveterately as Laura herself”. Fosco’s got “effeminate tastes and amusements” and looks like “a fat St. Cecilia masquerading in male attire”.

Fairlie’s feminine traits are the most obvious. His hands are “delicate”, he is beardless and his feet “effeminately small” and clad in “little womanish bronze-leather slippers”. To Walter, Fairlie’s “frail, languidly-fretful, over-refined look” appears “unpleasantly delicate in its association with a man”. Pykett notes that most of these traits would be normally attractive in a woman and yet they are repulsive in a man. His overall appearance and delicacy is the trait he shares with Laura and Anne. He is prone like them to a mysterious illness about which everyone says that “it’s on the nerves”. His nervous state is directly linked to his lack of masculinity. Fairlie admits himself that he is “nothing but a bundle of nerves dressed up to look like a man”.

Yep - it's something I find really interesting about the Woman in White. It's a feminist novel, and often in unexpectedly sophisticated ways (showing how the problem doesn't come back to individual bad man, but the system as a whole) and unexpectedly insightful ones (in the 21st century you still get male writers who think you can snap the heels of stilettos and then run in them, but Wilkie Collins gets how restrictive Marian's clothing is).

But it's also a novel that hates femininity. It hates it above all in men (as you've shown, anon) but it's not exactly positive about femininity in women. Fairlie's traits might normally be attractive in a woman but I'd argue that Collins doesn't really present them that way. Laura is described as beautiful, and Marian mannish and ugly, but once that bit of description is out of the way, I'd argue that Marian's masculine-coded determination is shown as much more admirable than Laura's delicate feminine submission to the will of the men around her.

All of this is pretty consistent with contemporary feminist thought, at least as far as I'm familiar with it. When I first read 'A Vindication of the Rights of Women', from half a century earlier, it shocked me how much time Wollstonecraft spends criticising the failings of women. So maybe this shouldn't be surprising to me, but it is.

I wrote somewhere before how this all reminds me of reading about Old Norse literature, in which in the absence of brave men, a woman will rise up to take on a masculine role, which shames the men but does honour to the woman. There are two typical outcomes from this: either the woman dies amidst the violence she's unleashed (although typically not before she gets her vengeance), or she wins, and is rewarded with marriage to a man who is worthy of her.

I've never read the Woman in White so I don't know what happens at the end (NO SPOILERS PLEASE), and I'm fascinated to find out whether the plot will continue to follow either of those routes. With Marian currently out of the picture, I guess not? But I honestly have no idea where the plot is going, beyond the obvious creeping doom, or how it's all going to be resolved.

I'm looking forward to finding out, and seeing what further takes on Victorian gender roles Wilkie Collins has in store for us.

[theycallme-thejackal]

5 please

Pairing: Lenny Bruce & Midge Maisel Rated T

Arabella - Arctic Monkeys My days end best when the sunset gets itself behind That little lady sittin' on the passenger side. It's much less picturesque without her catchin' the light. The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes.

His favorite days are the ones that end with her.

They don't often get to start their days together. They're still keeping their relationship quiet for the time being. The only peole who know are their managers just in case they slip up, so she usually leaves his bed before the sun rises.

He's sitting on a bench in Washington Square Park. The sun is beginning to set, and he smokes a cigarette as a troubadour plays nearby.

She appears like an apparition, coming to a stop in front of him, eclipsing the sun with her perfectly coiffed hair and a smile meant especially for him. "Never took you for one to enjoy watching a sunset," she comments, turning to look west before finding his gaze again.

He smirks. "I prefer watching you."

She laughs quietly. "That's quite a line, Mr. Bruce."

He offers her the cigarette, which she takes as he stands. "You're much kinder on the eyes," he tells her, leaning in a little closer than is probably appropriate for two people who are publicly just friends.

She takes a drag of the cigarette, her cheeks flushing a lovely pink as darkness begins to descend on them. The troubadour segues into a new, familiar song, and she smiles as she taps the ash away. "Dance with me?"

He cocks a brow at her. "Where people can see us?" He asks.

"I didn't ask you to fuck me," she teases quietly before adding, "Not yet, at least."

He chuckles, shaking his head as he looks around. It's starting to get dark, the park is fairly quiet, and they are playing their song...

He offers his hand, and she drops the cigarette, squishing it with her shoe before taking his hand. He holds her at a respectable distance, but she moves closer, pressing her body against his. He huffs another soft laugh. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you wanted people to find out," he comments as he adjusts his hold around her waist.

Midge shrugs. "Maybe I do," she admits. "It's been a few months. I haven't sent you running for the hills yet."

"I'm more concerned you're going to get sick of my shit," he replies, hoping it comes off as a joke.

She knows better, though, and her expression softens. "That's not going to happen," she breathes. He shivers a little as her fingertips toy with the curls at the nape of his neck. "Besides, I don't have the kids this weekend, and I'd really like to introduce you to my parents."

"I've met your parents. Twice," he points out.

She huffs a slightly annoyed breath. "I mean as my..."

He tips his head as he considers her. "Boyfriend?" He asks.

"I feel like we're a little old for words like boyfriend," she explains.

"Maybe, but if we used the word lover, I think your mother would simply die."

She laughs quietly at that. "Plus I'm getting tired of leaving your bed before the sun comes up."

"I'm not a fan of it either," he relents. "When your parents were out of town, and I got you all morning...that may have been one of the best days of my life."

She smiles softly. "We can make it a more regular occurrence. Maybe not every day, but...a step forward?"

Lenny considers that for a long moment. Waking up with her in his arms. Holding her hand in public. Being a punchline in her act.

"I'd like that," he breathes.

She smiles. "Me too," she whispers as she rests her head on his shoulder.

[randomwriteronline]

part of @cantankerouscanuck 's Bionicle/LU AU

"Hey. Champion."

That was how they called him, yes. Because he was a champion. Nobody could best him in the colosseum. Many had tried; many had been forced to try. Many had faced him hoping to shatter his teeth and cut off his spine, or at least he imagined that was the goal - as that was what Skakdi did when fighting between themselves for turf.

He wasn't too interested in keeping trophies. Which explained why he had blown them all up to smithereens.

Wild turned around in his cell to see who had addressed him.

Ah!

The Hordika.

He'd seen him before, yes, he had. Fairly often. His employer was the one who held Wild's leash, after all. The Vortixx on whose behalf he had to fight. But he was nice, a balm for sore eyes.

The Skakdi bared his teeth wider in a grin.

"How are you?" the hulking Kavinika-like Toa asked as he settled a little closer to his cage. "Seemed like a rough fight, last one."

"Hm," Wild replied: "Not so much."

"Your arm looked pretty battered in the end."

"It's alright."

"You need it, you do know that. How would you ever manage to get proper results, exploding things with only one hand?"

"I can do that no problem."

"Yes, but think of the lack of symmetry."

The slave fighter laughed heartily, making the iron bars around him shake with the power of his guffaws. Maybe it wasn't that funny, but to hear such a beast of raw animalistic power talk about symmetry - oh, it was too much for him, far too much for him. He laughed so hard his stomach began cramping.

"I'll consider it," he conceded at last when he could finally speak without risking choking on his own breath.

Twilight smiled back. He paced back and forth along the cage gingerly, trotting with a pep in his abnormally elongated limbs' step; if he could have, he would have gladly snaked into the prison to lean onto the powerful fighter.

He had a soft spot for the little Skakdi, he had to admit, even if calling that hulking mass of destruction 'little' might have seemed like either a cruel joke or an oxymoron. It remained that Wild was young, despite his undeniable strength, and something about that kicked off the instinct of some Rahi or another into him: he often found himself agreeing with the antsy part of him thar ached to demolish the cage and tear him away from that world - he would have rather had the kid go off and play with cubs his age, instead of having to survive death match after death match with few precious minutes between them to regain his breath and lick his wounds clean of the sand and shredded armor pieces.

But what would have happened then? A roughhousing gone wrong? An accidental death? A life on the run for manslaughter? That sort of bloodthirsty struggle was everything Wild had ever known, and he wasn't likely to forget it just as soon as he was out of that circle.

Besides, he couldn't have left Midna like that.

"I am serious, little champion," he said again: "Take care of yourself. I'd hate to see your pieces pillaged one day, and you know I mean it."

A monstrously large finger snuck out from between the bars and gently scratched at the Hordika's armor: "It won't be me losing out there," he promised. His voice was a mixture of reassurance and overconfidence. "There's nothing they can throw at me that I haven't fought yet."

"So you think. You'd be surprised how many creatures there could be in this world of ours - and don't forget that the Makuta live to make more of them every day."

Wild shrugged: "Nothing I can't handle."

For now, Twilight did not add.

He tensed suddenly: his head snapped to the door, backbone arching towards the ceiling to appear somehow even larger than he already was, limbs flattening into a preparatory pounce, ready to stop the approaching threat in its tracks.

The Skakdi turned alert as well, just for a moment. Then the half Rahi relaxed: ah. A known scent, a known step, a known face.

The Vortixx walked in without a single fear, strolling about like she owned the place - which she didn't, not yet, as the arena cells were so kindly provided by Xia itself; what she did own were the powerful beings, one caged, one free, who greeted her arrival with fairly respectful nods in her direction.

"Rise and shine, Heel boy," Midna apostrophed her slave fighter: "I'll be needing your brawn in just a moment."

"What for?" he asked despite Twilight's apprehension.

Of course he knew what for, generally. Skakdi might come in a bit of a dim variety sometimes, but even the stupidest can tell when someone wants to unleash a good old fashioned carnage of any kind.

He simply was a little curious about who, or what, he would be needing to unmake with his own two hands.

She smirked, orange wires wrapped around her neck glowing gently with wicked satisfaction: "Nothing much. We'll just be paying Cia's toys a visit - to gift them a nice, long, painful trip back to their maker. Hopefully in a practical box."

Wild grinned.

'Hopefully in a practical box' was always a fun way to send someone to Karzhani.

[freakingoutthesquares]

Discord of the miners' strike influenced a musical journey

By The Newsroom (Yorkshire Post) 25th Mar 2010

AS a 22 year-old graduate fresh out of university, Russell Senior seemed to have the world at his feet. Instead, when he returned home to Sheffield in 1984, he found the city on its knees. "A lot of factories were closing and there was a palpable air of gloom. My dad was a steelworker [and had] been made redundant. I was quite political at the time and I was angry about what was happening," he says.

"The Government had a go at the steelworkers first, then the railway workers and then the miners who were always going to be the toughest nut to crack. So when the miners' strike started, I went to the NUM headquarters and volunteered my services and said, 'What do you want me to do?'"

He was seconded to Nalgo (National Association of Local Government Officers) which ran minibuses through the night taking people to the picket lines and spent the next 12 months as one of the flying pickets. "I was there from the first day to the last when the miners marched back to work with their heads held high," he says.

Senior, who went on to spend 13 years with Sheffield indie band Pulp, is one of the guest speakers tomorrow on the final day of a conference hosted by Leeds University, discussing the consequences of the miners' strike. Several of Pulp's songs are featured in a documentary, The Beat is the Law, which charts the Sheffield music scene during the '80s set against the backdrop of the strike.

For Senior, it was a pivotal time in his life as 1984 was also the year he joined the band. "The two dovetailed, so I was in what was at the time a small band and by night I was out supporting the miners. It was an odd kind of life," he admits. "It was a privilege in a way to be there and at times I felt like Woody Allen's character Zelig, who appears at different historic events, because there were occasions I'd find myself sitting behind Arthur Scargill on a coach heading to a picket line. It felt like an important struggle."

As a frontline picket he witnessed numerous clashes between police and miners, the worst of which was at the infamous Battle of Orgreave. "You could tell something was going to happen. The police formed this shield wall and it was like witnessing a scene from a medieval battle. We'd not seen anything like this in Britain, it was the kind of thing you'd associate with Pinochet's Chile. The way they set about the miners was quite frightening. I was brought up to respect the police, but I changed my mind that day."

When the strike finally ended in 1985, Senior focused on his musical career. "I wanted the band to be world beaters and it was a full-time job, I wasn't just pootling about. The same kind of angst that went in to supporting the miners' strike went into the band."

But although Pulp, and in particular charismatic frontman Jarvis Cocker, went on to enjoy huge success in the '90s, it was a long, hard slog. "It was fairly grim in the early years when we were desperately trying to get off the ground. I've played more concerts to 50 people than I have to 10,000," says Senior, the band's former guitarist and violinist.

"The best bands often have quite a lot of tension and that was the case with us. We didn't really fit in with other bands and it was only when Britpop started that we found some other kindred spirits." But just as the band was at the height of its popularity following the release of Different Class, Senior decided to quit in 1997. "I liked the idea of ending on a high, I didn't want to slowly fade away."

Senior is still on friendly terms with his former bandmates, but these days the 48 year-old, who lives in Sheffield with his partner and two children, prefers a quieter life and is concentrating on writing his first novel.

However, reflecting on the miners' strike he believes that only now – a quarter-of-a-century after it finished – is it being reassessed. "The miners were portrayed as this brutal mob of football hooligans," he says. "Someone said at the time that in 20 years they will tell the truth about this – when it's too late."

The Beat is the Law available to buy here.

[kyrodo]

So tomorrow/today we'll be turning in our ballots. I admit I do lag behind when it comes to these things, especially for local stuff, or the "unimportant elections". Also because it is CA it kinda feels like a drop in the bucket more than anything. Nothing's gonna be coming down to the wire here, just the local stuff. I'm not gonna say it's not important or even that everyone should follow my example. But I do tend to focus more on my day to day activities more than anything else. Anything that doesn't get eaten up by choskey at least.

I have a few things I gotta do for Mana. I have impressions to uphold with the unity job. I have my own gaming I want to do between hardspace shipbreakers and cyberpunk. Both of which I find very enjoyable for different reasons. Shipbreakers is pretty repetitive, even the smallest ship can be a lot of work, but the perfection of technique is part of what draws me to it, as well as the promise of better equipment later down the road, and the curiosity of what happens in the late game. The debt goes down faster than I was expecting.

Cyberpunk I'm doing the dlc which is funnily relevant, as with just about any old random thing I decide to do unwittingly that happens to be on the nose before I even realize it. I don't know why it happens so often but that little bit of feng shui is part of what keeps life interesting for me, even if the feng shui itself is just things I like to observe out of what happens around me. Being hacked made me notice it more, because then I could actually point it out and be like "ooh look at that thing I would've only observed by myself if you hadn't been here". And perhaps that is one of the few things that allowed me to tolerate it. It hits different than when I used to see these things by myself and tell myself most people would just ignore it and move on.

I had a running gag between me and my sister when it comes to luck, things like "2% is basically 100%" and other funny observations from when we played games together. Like "luck is a skill". I remember the lucky moments I had playing mtg as well back when my furry pack was active and enjoyable to be a part of. I have my crush on paige and all the things I remember from watching inuyasha that sometimes pushed me towards fantasy over reality, especially remembering the beautiful music that came with it or similarish songs from elsewhere. Back when I felt being more like her favorite character would make me more likeable. The voice of reason is there to tell me to behave and get back to reality, but occasionally I don't feel like it. Occasionally I'd rather be immersed in it. And all those things combined to make me.

I am smart. I am lazy. I am down to earth to a point, until it comes to more serious things or responsibilities. At least away from the keyboard my emotions tend to be fairly stable. I like my balance of cute things and emo things. I like high energy anime over boring and repetitive ones. I like watching things that are action or story packed over comedy reels and streams on youtube. I prefer to play rather than watch. I'm too impatient to read. I have too much energy to sit still for that long without doing something. And I kinda run away from getting old by acting like a cat or wolf with Red, Choskey, or vrchat. I am naturally cute socially. That's where I prefer to be personality wise. Either cute or sensible. And I constantly worry and think about how people feel about how I interact with them that I look out for social cues. I get a little sulky when someone's mad at me and I don't feel like they thought it through. I live a sheltered life because of my circumstances and because of my over reliance on Red for things like driving that I always feel like a fun and happy life is just beyond my reach. That is who I am.

Red fell in love with me because he saw potential in me. In my skills as a programmer, in my ability to "soak" up information. He nurtured my skills in the beginning when we were in college before things kinda flipped when he couldn't graduate. I also used to be the only thing that keeps him calm, the only thing that could relax him. I have my shortcomings here and there including not doing much in the way of house chores and responsibilities beyond token efforts like doing the dishes and occasionally trash. I am more likely to keep quiet when I have issue with something rather than vocalize it, at least unless it's social media. I have a few other blemishes for the concerned if they don't really know my scope. But I am overall a very well rounded person, moreso than anyone I've ever met it seems. Everyone seems to have an issue here and there, short tempers, excessive impatience, poor recognition of social cues, etc. I for the most part don't and my decision making tends to be on point at least these days. I have much more confidence in myself than before.

[thecoolerliauditore]

yapping cus i just finished the game. @azspam you weren't kidding when you said "utena for gay men" jesus.

spoilers below

I just finished my first playthrough so this is not comprehensive whatsoever. for these symbolism-heavy, figure out what's happening type things I tend to just let my first experience be casual otherwise I stress myself out trying to figure out everything right off the bat. I like the disclaimer at the end about the creator thinking people who assume they understand the plot after a single playthrough are dumb lol

So this is very much an interactive story first and a game second. I went in a little overwhelmed with the controls expecting a more standard rpg combat system when it's much more of a puzzle/exploration game than anything else. Which is fine ofc it's not intended to fire off any gameplay-based neurons but I was really confused and ended up walking pretty much the entire map before I fought Superbad.

Similarly, the QoL is alright but I did end up having to resort to searching up a video to find the last money box and, later on, a spirit I was missing. I'll admit I did kind of groan in frustration when the game essentially told me I had to run around and find a specific non-descriptive npc on a map full of un-interactable npc sprites but the warp made it not that bad and I was lucky enough to find the one that was missing fairly quickly.

The game has a seizure warning at the start and thank god it does because even though I'm not photosensitive usually whatsoever some of these rooms had my pupils contracting in a way I could feel. Especially the rooms near the end with multi-coloured tiles that change colour as you move.

That being said the visuals are AWESOME to me. While I wouldn't really call this a horror game it really knows how to make an atmosphere unnerving. I love this room with the fox spirits as well as the room where the pistol granny tells you the story about the dead (reincarnating?) prostitute.

The talking sprites too have so much charm to them. I love that they only seem to be reserved for the characters in Heart's version of reality with the assassins, with their moe art style kind of serving as a harsh contrast to the harsh reality behind Heart's fantasy.

The boss intros especially are so much fun. I haven't played the post-game which I assume will further explore Heart's relationship with the "top 3" but I'd like to think however exaggerated there's a drop of truth in how each of them literally introduce themselves through singing about their views on love.

The main focus of the game however is definitely its story -- whatever that story is. It leads you in a certain direction before dipping you into the meta sauce as you begin to see the story-under-the-story (Heart's reality vs fantasy) but then it subverts that too until you're so many layers deep you as the player are just as confused as Heart to what the "real" story is.

Yeah sorry Heart I don't. I don't fucking know either man.

This is probably my favourite example of the constant rug-pulling, near the end of the game after watching these two characters who have been concretely "real" up to this point suddenly acknowledge they aren't.

It reminds me of this theatre convention I learnt about awhile ago about how theatre performances will often pull the rug out right at the climax of an emotional scene, because it's otherwise really hard to redirect the audience's energy. Everytime this game gets too real/depressing it hits you in the head with another layer of meta or a seemingly goofy one-off that isn't all it seems to be. Which I can't say is purposeful but does fit really well with the overall theatre/musical/performance theme of the game.

Heart himself is an incredible character. He's deeply selfish and probably maybe a murderer but he's also been through the fucking wringer. His idealization of Matsusato as his "prince" is destructive, but clearly born as a result of his abusive upbringing as well as the homophobia around him.

Heart's rant about "men" near the end of the game is a pretty clear reflection of himself.

Despite his childishness he seems to have some level of self-reflection, the goosebumps I got when he admits his desired ideal lover (his "prince") was his father's unconditional love all along jesus christ.

I initially assumed this game was going the sexual abuse route with Heart and his father's relationship, but I don't think there's really much evidence to support that other than things that I have to assume are me looking too deep into it (e.g. the aforementioned Heart admitting his father was his "prince" all along, Heart's father mentioning in the journal that Heart's singing reminded him of his wife).

Whatever the case is, Heart seems happy enough to disregard it in order to continue pursuing his "happiness" as he calls it. The game goes out of its way to show he doesn't care about destroying himself in the process of reaching that "happiness".

Matsusato's a savage here but if what he says is to be believed, it seems like the top 3 (or whoever they are in the real world) have been trying their best to get through to Heart and nothing's worked. So his frustration's kind of understandable to me lol

It seems like Heart did have the capacity for change, but like he says himself, he doesn't care what he has to do in order to reach that happiness.

The final screen is terrifying to me idk why this out of all the things I've seen in games freaks me out so much but it does. Something deeply visceral about it. I understood this as Heart killing himself in prison to be with his deceased father, just like he said he would do with Matsusato at the beginning of the game ("go to hell together"), but Heart (and Matsusato) dies like 4 times over the course of the game's plot so I'm not going to be confident about that take.

Anyway. Game's free. Go play it.

I did end up finding out about the dev passing away while writing this and now I'm very sad

[violetdisasterzone]

THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE THE TIME WAR BY AMAL EL-MOHTAR AND MAX GLADSTONE

NO SPOILERS - CROSS-POSTED ON GOODREADS

RATING: 3.8/4

This has been on my TBR for a very long time, and I will be the first to admit that my anticipation combined with the sheer amount of raving recommendations likely has much to do with my initial disappointment, or at least dissatisfaction, when I began reading. For about the first 75 pages, I was fighting to stay engaged; while the basic premise is not too difficult to grasp - two factions at war, time traveling agents fighting to realize certain events and disperse others to suit their needs and advance their teams' missions - "what else?" was a lingering question on my mind, because that brief description is, in fact, all the information we ever receive. Red and Blue's later communications reveal bits and pieces of background information as to the nature of their respective organizations, but the lack of any concrete worldbuilding was disorienting and, to be honest, uninteresting. I found myself perpetually waiting, for what I don't know. For a plot to be woven from all these strands, for all the blood they'd been spilling to give life to something that could make this story more than just a vessel for Red and Blue to find each other through. Neither of these happened, and this dissatisfaction remained an aftertaste in my mouth all the way through the end of the novel.

Somewhere around page 100, the confusion lessened not because anything was revealed, but because this world we've found ourselves in is well and truly irrelevant outside of keeping our protagonists apart, their missions losing all purpose (if they had any in the first place - we certainly wouldn't know) outside of acting as conduits for their letters. The fact that they are bioengineered immortal time-travelling mercenaries for unknown, chaotic entities fighting an interdimensional time war has basically no importance*, which is not something I thought I'd ever say about a book about two bioengineered immortal time-travelling mercenaries fighting in an interdimensional time war. And yet here we are.

*Though it may be largely irrelevant to the novel as a whole, I acknowledge that these roles are the very core of both Red and Blue's characters - it's more than what they do, it's who they are. Being non-human entities forged for this sole purpose and having millennia of experience acting only as these agents has a direct hand in their feelings for and interactions with each other.

I am a romantic at heart, and heaven knows I've been pretentious enough times to be called a hypocrite for saying this, but their letters were absolutely dripping in flowery prose and elaborate, lengthy metaphors. I'll admit that many lines, particularly toward the end, had my heart fluttering, but in equal measure I often found it difficult to wade through the dense, sickly-sweet language the authors clearly prefer.

Red and Blue also seemed to enjoy a fair amount of violent implications in their romance, intended metaphorically or literally I could never quite tell. Whether this was due to their un-human natures or simply my own differing preferences, this at certain points rendered their relationship just as confusing as the rest of the novel. I did, however, ultimately find their unconventional relationship sweet enough to excuse the honey-dipped-in-sugar (and dipped again in blood) prose through which their love story was written.

I've still chosen to give this a fairly high rating because despite my many critiques, I did enjoy myself in the last two-thirds, and I found myself charmed by our protagonists despite how little we really knew of them, and I found their love and loyalty for each other believable and sweet. The authors' choices were bold, and though I may have gripes with their execution, I admire their creativity and ingenuity.

[dairyfreefoodie]

Holy Cow, 🐄 i can't believe that's dairy free?! 🥛🚫

Ken's* top 10 (dairy free snacks & sweet treats)

*fyi Ken is mine and my partners names merged together (Katie & Ben, as Ben is also my very willing tester to compare to dairy food)

Marks and Spencers bakery cookies

I've found finding biscuits and sweet snacks especially hard on my new diet but these are my number 1, my partner didn't believe they were vegan😄. Only downside is they sell out quickly so are quite a rare find and cannot stock up due to the use by dates... but still❤️ Thank me (& M&S) later!

2. Marks and Spencer chocolate brownies

M&S to the rescue again! These are great and even better heated up in the microwave with find number 3 below. My auntie buys me these from her local M&S and I can't ever find them in mine so think some stores don't stock always them sadly.

3. Phish food Ice cream

HORAAAY I can have Ben and Jerry's again!!! 😍😍�� Tastes very similar from what I can remember...although less chocolate fish🐟 (phish)😔 - maybe mine was just a sad tub! I'll get over it...Still won't buy it full price like the non dairy version though (luckily its on offer quite a bit - this one was found in sainsburys but i think it's in most supermarkets). The cookie dough one is also pretty good - I'm just a chocoholic 🍫

4. Judes salted caramel ice cream

Jude, whoever you are, I love you 😍❤️ These are soooo good - better than most normal dairy ice cream I have had (bold claim) and they are mini so feels like you're being less piggy. Magnum do a similar salted caramel vegan option which is nice but in my opinion no comparison to Judes.

5. The mighty Greggs Yum Yum

Milk free and glorious. Many other supermarket ones have milk in. Greggs was my favourite highstreet destination prior to my new diet (trust me, i have the full greggs outfit, sliders & all!) and it has stayed strong and true with lots of dairy free options 🙏.

(and of course the famous vegan sausage roll... I must admit though I'd rather have slight face pain and take a dose of antihistamines for the normal sausage roll - only thing I still cheat with...it just can't be beaten😍).

6. Greggs Doughnuts

All hail the greggs Doughnuts 😍🍩 These are the only 3 (simply glazed, pink sugar strand and jam) that i think are milk free but that's plenty enough options (compared to most supermarkets where I end up looking very dissapointed at the allergen info). I ❤️ doughnuts, basically a female Homer Simpson.

7. Vegan pains au chocolat

These are a great sweet vegan breakfast option (especially when put in the air fryer for a minute or 2). These are the two brands I have found so far- first one found in sainsburys and the second found in waitrose (stocked up on a ocado order). Delish👌

8. Belvita breakfast bars

I have these for breakfast on my London commute every morning. Dairy free, low in fat (unlike rest of this post) and high in the old fibre💩! I personally love them (strawberry🍓 not the apricot ones) and stock up when they are on offer (most supermarkets) which happens fairly often for £1.75 for 6 👌.

9. Marks & Spencer double chocolate cookies 🍪

More M&S cookies??? Yes, these are very good but would always lose in a competition with number 1 ^ from the bakery section. However the perk of these are you can stock up on them with the longer shelf life and I've found they are better than a lot of other supermarket (and wicked) cookies. 🍪

10. Lastly CHEESE🧀. Cathedral City is in the lead for me.

I actually like this one enough to put on crackers so its made it onto the snack blog post🙀🧀. There is quite a lot of bad vegan cheese out there (especially from the opinion of a dairy cheese lover like me) but maybe my taste buds have finally accepted it will never be perfect...but for me, this is close enough (for now! - keep going cheese makers!!). Amazing grated on toast (another air fryer job) & topped with worcester sauce 😍

Thanks for reading and happy eating 😄

*Not all products may be vegan or suitable for milk allergy sufferers

Next post: DF cooking staples👩‍🍳🍽 (ft. more cheese, pesto, cream and milk alternatives etc).

[dominaxnoctis]

Now I’m even more curious, what’s Lydia’s opinion of Kurda? / @mariiposas unprompted questions status: always accepting !

HOOOOOOO this is a whole box of angst I didn't know I'd be unpacking ajsdkjas.

So I haven't talked much about her relationships with the other vampires on this blog as I have on past blogs for Lydia (had two others and lost the passwords because I have the memory of peanut), but she was also good friends with Kurda Smahlt. I could actually lowkey argue she was closer to Kurda than she was with any of the others but she won't talk about him unless pried so it's not easily brought up. Lowkey almost shipped them even, but that's a whole other thing. He was closer to her age compared to the others she knew or met (who most were MUCH older than her and Darren was much younger while Kurda was only 30 years older than Lydia).

If Kurda is brought up in post story 'present' parts of her timeline Lydia refuses to talk about it for several reasons. His betrayal was one of the most hurtful moments in her time as a vampire besides the loss of Rosaline (I say this because nothing can be more hurtful than her time being alive and losing everything all at once, but this crept fairly close to agonizing).

Yet, despite what he had done, she does make a passing mention after his death that she could never truly hate him as much as she absolutely wanted to for what he did because Kurda always had good intentions and only ever put others first rather than himself. She even broke down after his execution when she was finally alone. Any mention of Kurda is painful enough, it's fairly easy to see it in her eyes no matter how hard she tries to hide it. Which of course that leads to him becoming Harkat.

I'd say knowing that the tiny people belonged to Desmond made her EXTREMELY distrustful towards them. I'm talking anytime poor little guy was around her she would stare daggers into him like he was some type of monster to be rid of, but after it's revealed that he was Kurda before there's an entire turn around in her attitude towards him. More polite, eyes softening when she looks at him, etc. Although she still looks extremely sad when she does lay eyes on him. She doesn't really speak to him though. She refrains from it even though he doesn't remember anything himself even after Desmond revealing it(especially since his reaction to that is different depending on the Manga or Book), and remains that way towards him. She never sees Harkat again after the events of the series, but muses about him fondly saying she found him 'endearing and somewhat adorable' yet won't outright say it's because of his connection to Kurda.

NOW IF WE GO WITH ALTERNATE TIMELINE WE GET A GLIMPSE OF AT THE END OF THE SERIES (which l lowkey wanna make a verse for because happier??? Lydia? Come on now-)

I'd say with many of the ones she lost being alive, her personality changes a lot. All of the deaths experiences contributed to Lydia being more cold and distant as well as definitely contributed to her habit of pushing others away. If theoretically that alternate timeline happened instead and Kurda was somehow alive, she would still hold Kurda in high regard noting that he might have been a traitor before, but she herself eventually forgave him. So she would be much more willing to be openly opinionated about him and it would mostly be positive rather than driven by her feelings of being upset and hurt.

TLDR: Her feelings towards that man are a little sus, but she wont admit it nor talk about him because everything that happened with him was too painful.

Also their personalities were very similar in terms of 'intelligence/kindness over fighting strength' and I think if we put all of those events aside Lydia genuinely liked him for not only that but just how kind-hearted Kurda was. Other vampires may have seen that as a weakness, but Lydia admired him for it and often thought he made up for what some of the others lacked.

[honorhearted]

Despite the surly mask Francesca initially donned, she surprised him when her features melded into a bright laugh, the sound reminiscent of wind chimes on a warm summer day. "Well the fridge is stacked, so help yourself," she offered. "I don't really tend to drink unless there's a drinking game involved, which actually happens fairly often when my sisters and I are trapped in a hotel for too long."

Ben snorted. "I can't tell if you're being polite, or if you're trying to ply me with liquor. Either way, I think I'll hold off for now...unless there's some root beer in there." Holding up a hand, he said, "I know, I know: I seem like I'm overreacting, but it's imperative that I stay sharp."

He didn't wish to damper the unexpected shift with talk of her stalker again, but it would always be the proverbial elephant in the room. In fact, Ben was, as well, given his role as her appointed protector. He couldn't very well just drink and risk lowering his inhibitions -- not unless he wanted Anthony breathing down his neck about it.

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was really little," Francesca said, recapturing the earlier mood. "I loved the idea of going to other planets and being so close to the stars, but I guess it wasn't meant to be."

"Well, according to a Fanforum page, some people genuinely do believe you're an alien," Ben offered, "so perhaps your alter-ego got the chance?" Chuckling, he amended, "Actually, I think you were categorized as one of those 'lizard people' instead...but my statement still stands."

"I think I'd be pretty terrible at it anyway -- Were your parents supportive of your palaeontology dreams?"

"How come? Not a fan of gravity?" With a lopsided smile, Ben lowered his eyes again and nodded. "My parents were arguably too supportive," he said, "because they bought me anything dinosaur or fossil-related they could find. I remember walking around wearing one of those godawful bucket hats, quizzing all of our neighbors on varying factoids. A couple of them moved not long after that, so I can't help but wonder if I was somehow responsible."

Francesca brightened. "Monet is my favourite too."

Ben laughed. "Okay, now I know you're messing with me...there's no way that we have this in common, too."

"I'd love to go to Normandy where he painted most of his oils - He makes the world look remarkable, doesn't he? It feels a world away from the street we've just come from."

"You've never been?" he asked, surprised. "I'm sorry, perhaps that was ignorant to ask...it's just, you seem like you're granted just about everything your heart desires. Did your family never book a show in Normandy?" Expression softening, Ben nodded at her query. "Yeah...though you put it far more poetically than I ever could. As someone who's witnessed plenty of 'ugly' out there, it's nice to be reminded that there's a lot of beauty, too."

"Francesca."

For a moment, Ben was genuinely thrown by her remark, his mouth opening as he searched her eyes for clarification.

"Its not Miss Bridgerton -- Its Francesca."

"Oh...so no Fran, then?" Even though his kneejerk reaction had been to make a quip, his expression was warmer, softer, and he had to admit he was flattered that she trusted him enough to allow a hint of familiarity. The higher-ups always encouraged this level of rapport, but Ben hadn't been treating this as an assignment. In fact, ever since his arrival, he'd done everything in his power to try and shirk said responsibility, but now...well...perhaps this wasn't a punishment, after all.

"Ben," he finally offered. "My dad calls me Benjamin, so I guess if you're mad at me, that can be the address you prefer, but...my friends call me Ben." He chuckled. "They call me lots of things I'd rather not repeat, but that at least seems suitable as our start."

"And is that a good thing or a bad thing? Given your status, I'm assuming you love your brothers. So in that case... Thank you, Your Majesty, for bestowing upon me the highest of honours."

She supposed it wasn't either of those things, judging by the fact that he would likely never hang around with her brothers outside of a professional setting. They could be good fun when they wanted to be, but would they show that side of themselves with the man protecting their sister? Maybe Colin, but he didn't have much of a filter anyway.

"Then I guess its too bad you only have me," she quipped, although she wouldn't be able to stop Daphne and Eloise from hanging around -- That was the deal when cementing your success and career with your sisters. "Hopefully I'm not too terrible to socialise with."

"My 'socializing' tends to be with people I serve and protect. For what it's worth, you're the least grating person I've had to aid in months. The prettiest, too, but that's not much of a competition, seeing how my last guy had age spots, dentures, and an ill-fitting toupee."

Surprising herself with a bright laugh, Francesca nodded towards the mini fridge nestled in the corner - Their own makeshift bar. "Well the fridge is stacked, so help yourself. I don't really tend to drink unless there's a drinking game involved, which actually happens fairly often when my sisters and I are trapped in a hotel for too long."

As Ben spoke of his childhood and the dinosaurs that he so loved, Francesca found herself holding onto each word with a soft fondness in her gaze. She so adored listening to stories, laughing quietly as she pictured his mother's exasperation.

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was really little," she confessed. "I loved the idea of going to other planets and being so close to the stars, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I think I'd be pretty terrible at it anyway -- Were your parents supportive of your palaeontology dreams?"

"Who's your favourite artist? I've always liked Monet...in fact, I did a report on him in third grade."

Nodding in agreement, Francesca's smile never wavered, wondering how the two of them had gone from mindless bickering to... well, this. She hadn't spoken to anyone like this is so long, it felt almost wrong to let her guard down.

"Monet is my favourite too. I'd love to go to Normandy where he painted most of his oils - He makes the world look remarkable, doesn't he? It feels a world away from the street we've just come from."

"I know this is just a job, but I also believe in basic human decency. I wouldn't be in this job if I was interested in making a quick buck. And you're not...y-you're not just... I can't even pretend to understand -- I don't -- but I imagine it's difficult knowing who you can trust, and who really, genuinely wants to be your friend. And although I'm sure this will come off as trite B.S., I hope you know you can trust me. I'm here to protect you, and leaking your secrets would do the exact opposite of that. I'd never intentionally endanger your life."

It was sweet, the way that he was so quick to defend, and yet Francesca's lips parted to reassure him that she had not meant it as an offense -- If only the words would release. For a moment after his speech, she sat, chewing on her lip as she considered what else could be said. 'Thank you'? 'Don't worry about it'?

"Francesca," she eventually said, blue eyes on blue in silent comradery. "Its not Miss Bridgerton -- Its Francesca."

[robininthelabyrinth]

I'd like more Baxia/NMJ bodyswap please and thank you!

Close - extra 3

-

It wasn’t actually, strictly speaking, necessary for Nie Mingjue to spend two weeks as a saber after he got a nasty concussion on a deliberately sabotaged night-hunt, but he was tired of being in charge – he’d refused the Chief Cultivator title on principle, but he seemed to somehow have gotten stuck doing all the work, possibly for lack of other options – and, well, he could. So why not?

Obviously Baxia wasn’t capable of leading his sect, much less the cultivation world, but he did have one sworn brother left of the two, however distracted the remaining one was by Meng Yao’s plight, and anyway his brother needed to figure out the details of running things sometime before Nie Mingjue actually did die of qi deviation.

“You’re not going to die, stop being so dramatic,” Nie Huaisang grumbled. “The sect healers said that your meridians are clearer than they’ve ever seen in our family and that you may well have solved the problem in our clan’s cultivation method to the point that they don’t see any reason you can’t cultivate straight into immortality.”

Nie Mingjue did not respond. He was, after all, a saber.

“I can feel you being smug in there!”

It was a natural state for sabers. That was his story, and he was sticking with it.

Baxia laughed inside his mind and reached out with a human hand to pat Nie Huaisang on the head, her action still a little overly rough by the look of his face. She’d seen a parent do it to their child and been charmed by the action; she seemed to think it was the human equivalent of being polished.

“Ugh, da-jie, stop that, I’m a grown-up – more to the point, I’m a grown-up that’s going to be running the sect for the next few days until da-ge’s concussion is better!”

Baxia held up two fingers.

“…two days?”

She shook her head.

“Two weeks?”

A nod.

“I – but – da-ge, you can’t do this to me!”

Yes, he could, Nie Mingjue thought with a smile that had some bite in it. And he would, too.

“But there’s a discussion conference about to happen!”

It was all planned out already – Nie Huaisang only needed to attend in his place. What was the problem?

“Da-ge! You get out of that saber this instant and talk to me!”

No.

“Da-ge!”

-

It wasn’t so much that Nie Mingjue had overlooked the question of the discussion conference, but rather he didn’t think it was especially relevant to him as a saber, and of course Baxia would just sit there and scowl at everyone, her aura so intimidating that no one would dare come near.

He overlooked only a single problem: that a discussion conference meant guests, and guests meant swords.

Talkative swords.

In a manner of speaking, anyway.

Nie Mingjue had grown accustomed to the strange way of seeing things that sabers had, more qi detection than actual vision; he had learned to adjust to the strange way that he could almost taste evil, the way his blade was a single jagged tooth eager to drink down blood; he had become familiar with having a body made of sharp steel, immune to pain but vulnerable to dents.

Despite that, hearing the other swords converse was – utterly bizarre.

It was one thing when all around him were the sabers of his Nie sect, since obviously Wei Wuxian didn’t carry one and the Wen sect didn’t either, and Lan Xichen was far too polite to carry his sword openly in the halls of the Unclean Realm. Those sabers surrounded him like a raindrop fallen into a well, familiar and comforting and just the same as him – the same implacable hatred of evil, the nuances of their personalities in greater or lesser degrees, often echoing their masters. They rarely conversed, merely affirmed each other upon meeting, a low subvocal purr of contentment to be around the like-minded.

(Aituan sounded like a rusty door, squeaking and yawning, but however weirdly good-naturedly he was, he was still a saber, with his share of bloodlust and hatred and rage buried deep inside his metal.)

The swords, however…

Shuoyue was a rippling brook, gentle and clear and perhaps a little shallow, a little too flexible, while Bichen in contrast was steady as the earth – more saber-like, despite the double edge. They emitted a feeling like the curved vowels of Gusu and the straightness of their sect rules, the serene mountains and the generous plains, pristine and perfect right up until they met some of their neighbors (the newly formed Su clain, for example) at which point it was all screech-screech-screech.

The rule against gossip in the Cloud Recesses apparently didn’t apply to their swords.

Nie Mingjue would have expected the Jin sect swords to be flashy and bright, as gilded on the inside as they were on the outside, but they were actually a fairly quiet lot. He wasn’t sure if it was their masters’ poor cultivation – though it could be, they were weaker as a general rule than the other sects – or something else lurking behind, some secret of cultivation that he oughtn’t know.

Suihua was fairly pleasant, though: bright and almost maternal in the way she fussed about her wielder, secretly adjusting herself to compensate for any weaknesses in his form. She got along surprisingly well with Aituan, which Nie Mingjue wouldn’t have guessed, and Baxia hummed a reluctant note of approval as well.

Perhaps he should consider cultivating more of a relationship with the young Jin Zixuan, with such an excellent recommendation. Sure, he wasn’t his sword – unlike sabers, which reflected their masters in full, swords seemed to be more of a concave image, similar but distorted to more or lesser degree depending on the distance between master and sword – but the sort of person who would cultivate a sword like that probably needed all the real friends he could get.

Sandu, in contrast, was something of a disaster, something that Nie Mingjue hadn’t expected and, in hindsight, really should have. The sheer amount of power that the sword exuded was impressive, and he was stalwart and true, another saber-like one, but unlike his combative, grumpy, and uptight (but generally well-meaning) master, he was aimless and gamboling, mischievous in a vague unintentional sort of way, liable to make trouble more by accident than on purpose.

Reminded him of Aituan, actually. Children among swords…

It was really a fascinating insight, he thought to himself, amused. He could use this to his advantage in the future, even though he wouldn’t, politically; it seemed an unfair advantage. But perhaps as a means of making friends…

Hmm.

Speaking of friends –

-

“I don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian said, looking from Baxia to Nie Mingjue and back, eyes so notably not darting towards his Suibian that it had to be intentional. “Suibian isn’t a saber.”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, already regretting having returned to his human form simply because of the skull-wracking migraine the concussion had left behind. Plus, if Nie Huaisang ever found out that he’d been willing to return for this but not to do the paperwork, he’d find a way to stab him no matter how great the difference in their cultivation.  “She isn’t. But she’s willing to compromise.”

“…what?”

Nie Mingjue wasn’t sure how to explain it. “You’ve interacted with Baxia when she’s - uh - upright, yes?”

“Yes, of course. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that it was mostly her during the conference – she nearly made Sect Leader Yao cry, and didn’t say a word the entire time. I want to know her secret method.”

“I’m fairly sure her method is ‘be a saber’,” Nie Mingjue said dryly. “Still, my point is – would you say that you have an understanding of her? Baxia, as opposed to me?”

“I don’t think anyone can really understand –”

Nie Mingjue leveled him with a look.

“Okay, fine, yes. She’s got a lot of personality, your Baxia. What does that have to do with you wanting me to cultivate Suibian with your sect’s technique?”

“A variation on my sect’s technique, since I’m obviously not teaching you the main technique itself. My point is, during the conference I had the opportunity to converse with a number of different swords –”

“Hold up!” Wei Wuxian held up both his hands. “You talked to the - to people’s swords?!”

“It’s not really talking,” Nie Mingjue admitted. “They’re mostly not as sentient as Baxia, especially for the younger generation. But they still have spirits; they wouldn’t be spiritual weapons if they didn’t. Anyway, it occurred to me that you weren’t using Suibian because of –”

“That incident we do not discuss.”

“…yes, that. Without a golden core, it’s impossible for you to cultivate in the traditional Jiang sect sword style -”

“Wow. You just completely missed the hint that I didn’t want to talk about that.”

“It’s not missing a hint if I ignore it deliberately. Anyway, the fact that you’ve cultivated Suibian in that style for all these years means that they are accustomed to that style, but since by coincidence I was able to converse with the other swords, I thought it worthwhile to feel out if they would be willing to consider adopting a style variation on the Nie sect style, with more emphasis on utilizing resentful energy as swordsmanship.”

Wei Wuxian looked stricken. “You – think that’s possible? I – no, I tried, it doesn’t –”

“You trained your sword to resist outside influences, I know. You can’t not teach a sword that; obviously no one wants Suibian being controlled by any ghost, corpse or yao that happens by. But I think with me in the saber and you on the outside, we might be able to work out a method by which Suibian could distinguish between resentful energy generally and resentful energy being wielded by you. That woudl allow them to respond to that energy as if it was your own…”

Wei Wuxian was hugging him. Why was he hugging him?

“I’m going to switch to Baxia if you don’t let go,” he warned, and Wei Wuxian let go at once.

His eyes were teary.

“I would like that,” he said. “I would like that very much.”