#which happened fairly often ...or more than I'd like to admit

[adustoflove]

Every time I cry, my first thought is just I wish Scrabble were here 😭

[misc-obeyme]

not sure if this one has been done before but i'd like to request a set of headcanons for the dateables who assumed mc (male or gender neutral, up to you!) had feelings for someone else, and had already given up, right up until they confessed that they were in love with them.

also, can solomon's be set during nightbringer? i don't mind when the others are set!

thank you! i love your writing!!

Hi there, anon!

This may have been done, but it hasn't been done by me, so you're good lol! Oh man this one was fun. They all start out angsty and then end with the confession and I love it. I have to write angst more often, apparently I enjoy making characters feel pain. Which is weird considering I made myself sad writing these. I kind of feel like this might just be the universal writer experience, though.

Also I feel I should mention that Diavolo believes MC is in love with Lucifer because I honestly feel like that's the only scenario in which he would completely give up lol. Everybody else's is vague, but they all think it's one of the brothers.

Thank you for the request!

the dateables think GN!MC is in love with someone else and give up on them, but then MC confesses

Warnings: angst as all the characters believe that MC is in love with someone else, but ends with fluff

Diavolo

He can tell that there's someone you care about. It's in the way you sometimes get a private sort of look, like you're thinking about something very specific, and then you smile softly. Seeing that smile makes his heart ache. He's so happy that there's someone who makes you feel that way, someone who makes you smile like that, but he's fairly certain it isn't him. The pain of knowing that you'll never be his is deep. It keeps him up at night, but he tries to act like there's nothing wrong.

He thinks you're in love with Lucifer. He can't deny that there's something special between the two of you. And he's convinced that Lucifer is the only one that you could be in love with. Lucifer is protective, competent, and always looking out for you. You rely on him, but he relies on you, too, more than he would admit. And Diavolo simply doesn't have that closeness with you.

He thinks he's being very realistic about the situation. There's no point in pursuing you when your heart clearly belongs to someone else. Convinces himself that he's happy enough just to be near you, to be in your presence. Sometimes lets himself feel jealousy over it, but works hard to suppress that feeling. Actively tries to move on because he has responsibilities he needs to focus on.

So when you confess to him, he's in shock. Actually speechless for several minutes. And then he grabs your hands. MC, are you sure? Are you sure you're in love… with him? You won't have to reassure him more than once. As soon as you tell him you're sure, he's accepted what you've told him. Gets teary eyed about it because the feeling in his chest is so overwhelming. He never thought this could happen, but here you are, telling him that you're in love with him. All he wants to do now is kiss you. You've made him so happy he can't think straight.

Barbatos

He knows right away that you've fallen for someone. He's observant, so it isn't hard for him to pick up on it. It's obvious in the way you get a little preoccupied sometimes. You become a little forgetful and scatterbrained, like your mind is somewhere else. But you also seem a little happier, quicker to smile and laugh. What an odd feeling for him. Seeing you like this fills him with a special contentment. And yet…

Barbatos doesn't necessarily know who it is you have feelings for. At least, there's nobody he suspects is your special person. He just knows it isn't him. He's convinced that he would be able to tell if it was. Sometimes thinks about who it might be and has certain others that he thinks would be a good fit for you, but he doesn't dwell on this too much. Busies himself with his work so he doesn't have to think about that little sting he feels whenever he thinks about it.

A master at compartmentalizing his mind and feelings so that he doesn't have to deal with them. Simply tucks all that away into a corner of his soul where he can ignore it entirely. Let it stay there and fester for a bit. He has more important things to deal with than his own silly feelings. And so nobody would be able to tell - not you, not Diavolo, no one. He has a lot of practice at keeping secrets, after all.

But all of that is going to come bursting out of its restraint when you tell him how you feel. Blushes instantly. Overcome, overwhelmed, flooded with the emotions he'd been keeping locked up tight. You can see the chaos in his eyes. But he takes control of all of this pretty quickly. Pulls you close to him, wraps you in his arms. Truly you may never know the extent of his happiness, MC. Please always stay by his side.

Simeon

It isn't so much that he doesn't notice as he just assumes he's wrong. There's definitely something different about you lately, but he's not going to guess at what it is. Probably asks you directly if there's anything on your mind. Considering you're likely not ready to tell him how you feel, you can pretty much say anything about what's going on in your life and he'll accept it. Moves on without too much questioning, but keeps an eye on you.

Eventually, he won't be able to deny it. He's going to have a specific demon brother in mind, too. He watches you with that brother, whichever one you're closest to, and thinks he's figured it out. Even though you didn't tell him you were in love when he asked and he knows it's not a good thing to assume, he still can't help but notice it. The way you smile when that brother speaks to you. The way you seem to drift near him whenever you can.

And if Simeon takes the time to consider this for very long at all, he'll realize that the feeling that bubbles up in him first is jealousy. He's not happy about that. He doesn't like the way it makes him feel. And just underneath it, he senses a deep pain that he doesn't want to explore. So he attempts to shut it all down. He's very good at maintaining his composure when he's with you. But when he's alone, he lets himself feel everything. Might even let himself cry if he's certain no one will hear him.

Definitely cries when you tell him how you really feel. Just lets that relief wash over him and his love for you is something he can't contain. Please hold him, MC. He just wants to be near you forever. Never let him go. He might ramble for a little bit about how he thought you were in love with someone else. He might even tell you all about how it made him feel and how he wasn't dealing with it very well. But in the end, he's going to smile at you through his tears. Really make his heart burst by kissing them away.

Solomon

He's always known that you belong to the seven demon brothers. He knows him having a chance with you is just wishful thinking. It doesn't matter that you live with him now. That he's the only one who knows that you're really from the future. It doesn't matter how fast his heart beats whenever he sees your smile. That when he's with you all he can think about is putting his arms around you. Solomon knows you aren't his. You will always choose the brothers.

He's aware right away that you've got feelings for someone. He has his guesses. Perhaps two or three different demon brothers come to his mind. Starts paying attention to how you act around them to see if he can figure it out. He will question the brothers he suspects, just to see how they feel about you. If they give him less than satisfactory answers, he might try to steer you away from them. Not because he thinks that makes you more likely to choose him, but because he doesn't want to see you get hurt.

Ignores the way your softened expression makes his gut twinge. Sometimes stares at you for too long because he's trying so hard not to say something to you about it. He doesn't ask you because he knows he can't handle the answer. Starts throwing himself into his work. Forcing himself to think about anything else. But how can he think of anything other than you?

Your confession nearly takes him out. He's so surprised, so overcome with emotions, he falls to his knees at your feet. Grasps your hands like he's drowning and you're the only thing that will save him. He was holding so much tension inside and he didn't even realize it. Now it's all draining away. You can either pull him to his feet or join him on the floor. Either way, he needs you to hold him. MC, please tell him he isn't dreaming. Please tell him this is real. Reassure him with a kiss and he'll pull you into a fierce embrace, like he's scared you'll vanish if he doesn't hold you tight enough.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[wishing-stones]

How do your takes on the boys set them apart from others do you think?

I'll be refering to them with their call names in this one

Targe(Killer) is a little difficult to say this for, because I think he's pretty standard. I'll say maybe that it's his loyalty to Nightmare that makes him unique. I haven't seen a lot of people explore that close friendship they have going on, the unwavering loyalty that doesn't often get explained. Killer owes Nightmare his life for rescuing him from his AU. Also, Targe is really, really competent. Scary smart, thinks quickly on his feet, and doesn't let his authority go questioned. He's a fantastic leader, not just a chaos gremlin.

Mote(Dust) is also hard to answer this for since I don't have a ton of other Dust interpretations to go off of. I'd say he's maybe a little more down-to-earth and... present? Than other takes I've seen on him. That he's not so lost in his delusions constantly. They're there, they're integral to his character, but he's also clever and resourceful. He's quiet, but he pays attention. I think I've said before that his character is the one closest still to his canon counterpart-- he's really just Sans who had an infinite run of Really Bad Days.

Haft(Axe) is a lot more chill than other Horrors I've seen. He doesn't regret what he's done at all-- he did what he had to in order to survive, and he's settled whatever guilt he might have had over that fact. He's also still blisteringly smart, and I have seen Horror played to be a little... dim sometimes, which does him an incredible disservice IMO. His 'canon' self (in the HT comic) is still smart, just a really jaded and kind of twisted survivalist. Haft has gone past that and into resolved survivalist. Suvival by whatever means necessary-- he had to defend himself and his brother more times than he cares to admit. Still... he's a big softy under it. He's a kind person at heart, he's just not gonna agonize over doing whatever needs doing. Haft also has a better relationship with food than I've seen portrayed. He's had time to work on it in his service to Nightmare.

Saltire(Cross) gets along with the guys a lot better than other instances of Cross I've seen with the BSG. He's also not as guilt-ridden, as his situation is fairly permanent. He's safe and secure in Nightmare's Hold, he does what he must in order to get by, and all things considered... it's not so bad. He has good food and drink, a nice room, gets to stretch his legs a bit with multiversal jaunts, a dedicated place to train, and a leader who respects and appreciates his capabilities. He's free here. Still, he's pretty withdrawn and takes a long time to trust, especially if someone (Killer) has stung him in the past. Sal... wants to move forward, even though his past weighs him down heavily. He reminds me of a big standoffish white wolf.

Sorpor(Baggs) doesn't have a whole lot different than his source material. I try to write him as close to canon as I can. The most he has that's different is that he's a little taller and knows about the multiverse. The latter can and probably will cause some interesting divergence from his canon timeline, considering he's aware of resets and how they can go (read: really badly). He has perephreral knowledge about some other things that can happen to the underground as well (Flowey, namely-- he wasn't present for the Photoshop Flowey fight, but he heard about it in therapy sessions). I'd say over time he's also gotten a little bit more direct because trying to manipulate the guys into what you want them to do is harder when they'll dance around with you. Straight and to the point gets more results with them, so he becomes a little more forceful. He also sleeps on a fairly regular basis, which makes him much more pleasant to be around constantly.

Umbrose(Nightmare) is fairly standard of the "classy" Nightmare variety. He enjoys his finer luxuries and arts, speaks largely without contractions, and uses big words. He likes to exude elegance and charisma, because while fierce can achieve results, it takes much less energy to simply... coax others into doing what you want. He's had years to chill out from utter violence, so he elects to do things in a fashion that doesn't tire him out consistently. He's also a fantastic leader. He treats all his underlings fairly and sees to it that they want for nothing. Ensuring their loyalty is important to him-- otherwise they could turn on him, and that would be bad. (I have some issues with the more abusive dynamics you see around with the BSG and him. You can only tettorize and threaten your minions into submission for so long before they plan mutiny). He's pretty chill, but no less intense in pursuing what he wants-- he's just smarter about it.

Aubade(Dream) is way more mature than a lot of takes on Dream I've seen around. He is tired. He wants to stop fighting with his brother. He doesn't understand where things went wrong and it eats him. At his core, he is existentially exhausted, but continues to do what he does out of duty. Certainly, he loves his friends and they do make him genuinely happy... but he's so tired, and if you look deeper into his actions, it shows. He also swears. He's not the perfect angel that can do no wrong, and he knows it. There are necessary evils that even the guardian of positivity must do. He's also aware that positivity does not equal goodness, and negativity does not equal badness. He's a little jaded, but understands that balance is a requirement in the multiverse, and so he has to keep doing his job. He's not afraid to take a life or beat someone to a pulp, though he'll issue warnings before he does.

Haboku(Ink) is a little more stable by proxy of being around his friends so much. Dream helps to remind him to take his paints regularly, and Blue will bully him into it if he has to. He's clever, too clever by half. He'll play to someones ignorant perception of him and has no issue letting them continue to think that he's an idiot with the memory of a goldfish and the attention span of a squirrel. He also enjoys stirring shit. He'll cause trouble just to cause it sometimes, but usually is good about not doing anything that will hurt he or his friends. He's fairly dutiful as well, and will protect the multiverse by any means necessary. Any. means. He is otherwise a pretty happy goofball who likes to make sure everyone around him is doing okay. He's honestly a sweet person if you're in good with him. He doesn't like to see unnecessary suffering.

Zaffre(Blue) has a knowledge of the multiverse and has been travelling it for a while. He's of the 'Jaded Blue' variety who tends to help Dream be Ink's leash. Still, he's a very happy guy who loves adventure and loves his friends. He's very passionate. He's no-nonsense. If you mess with what he cares about, gods grant you mercy because he won't. He hasn't killed, but he's certainly beaten a few people within an inch of their life in self defense or in defense of others. He's scary competent, and has a sense of duty to the multiverse much like Dream does. He is, at his core, still a Sans, though, so he is also incredibly intelligent and observant. He also still likes puns and practical jokes, which is not a trait I see applied to Blue very often! He does the whoopee cushion in the hand trick.

[thethirdromana]

Yes femininity on men in The Woman In White is a whole thing.

Fosco “with all his look of unmistakable mental firmness and power, he is as nervously sensitive as the weakest of [women]. He starts at chance noises as inveterately as Laura herself”. Fosco’s got “effeminate tastes and amusements” and looks like “a fat St. Cecilia masquerading in male attire”.

Fairlie’s feminine traits are the most obvious. His hands are “delicate”, he is beardless and his feet “effeminately small” and clad in “little womanish bronze-leather slippers”. To Walter, Fairlie’s “frail, languidly-fretful, over-refined look” appears “unpleasantly delicate in its association with a man”. Pykett notes that most of these traits would be normally attractive in a woman and yet they are repulsive in a man. His overall appearance and delicacy is the trait he shares with Laura and Anne. He is prone like them to a mysterious illness about which everyone says that “it’s on the nerves”. His nervous state is directly linked to his lack of masculinity. Fairlie admits himself that he is “nothing but a bundle of nerves dressed up to look like a man”.

Yep - it's something I find really interesting about the Woman in White. It's a feminist novel, and often in unexpectedly sophisticated ways (showing how the problem doesn't come back to individual bad man, but the system as a whole) and unexpectedly insightful ones (in the 21st century you still get male writers who think you can snap the heels of stilettos and then run in them, but Wilkie Collins gets how restrictive Marian's clothing is).

But it's also a novel that hates femininity. It hates it above all in men (as you've shown, anon) but it's not exactly positive about femininity in women. Fairlie's traits might normally be attractive in a woman but I'd argue that Collins doesn't really present them that way. Laura is described as beautiful, and Marian mannish and ugly, but once that bit of description is out of the way, I'd argue that Marian's masculine-coded determination is shown as much more admirable than Laura's delicate feminine submission to the will of the men around her.

All of this is pretty consistent with contemporary feminist thought, at least as far as I'm familiar with it. When I first read 'A Vindication of the Rights of Women', from half a century earlier, it shocked me how much time Wollstonecraft spends criticising the failings of women. So maybe this shouldn't be surprising to me, but it is.

I wrote somewhere before how this all reminds me of reading about Old Norse literature, in which in the absence of brave men, a woman will rise up to take on a masculine role, which shames the men but does honour to the woman. There are two typical outcomes from this: either the woman dies amidst the violence she's unleashed (although typically not before she gets her vengeance), or she wins, and is rewarded with marriage to a man who is worthy of her.

I've never read the Woman in White so I don't know what happens at the end (NO SPOILERS PLEASE), and I'm fascinated to find out whether the plot will continue to follow either of those routes. With Marian currently out of the picture, I guess not? But I honestly have no idea where the plot is going, beyond the obvious creeping doom, or how it's all going to be resolved.

I'm looking forward to finding out, and seeing what further takes on Victorian gender roles Wilkie Collins has in store for us.

[theycallme-thejackal]

5 please

Pairing: Lenny Bruce & Midge Maisel Rated T

Arabella - Arctic Monkeys My days end best when the sunset gets itself behind That little lady sittin' on the passenger side. It's much less picturesque without her catchin' the light. The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes.

His favorite days are the ones that end with her.

They don't often get to start their days together. They're still keeping their relationship quiet for the time being. The only peole who know are their managers just in case they slip up, so she usually leaves his bed before the sun rises.

He's sitting on a bench in Washington Square Park. The sun is beginning to set, and he smokes a cigarette as a troubadour plays nearby.

She appears like an apparition, coming to a stop in front of him, eclipsing the sun with her perfectly coiffed hair and a smile meant especially for him. "Never took you for one to enjoy watching a sunset," she comments, turning to look west before finding his gaze again.

He smirks. "I prefer watching you."

She laughs quietly. "That's quite a line, Mr. Bruce."

He offers her the cigarette, which she takes as he stands. "You're much kinder on the eyes," he tells her, leaning in a little closer than is probably appropriate for two people who are publicly just friends.

She takes a drag of the cigarette, her cheeks flushing a lovely pink as darkness begins to descend on them. The troubadour segues into a new, familiar song, and she smiles as she taps the ash away. "Dance with me?"

He cocks a brow at her. "Where people can see us?" He asks.

"I didn't ask you to fuck me," she teases quietly before adding, "Not yet, at least."

He chuckles, shaking his head as he looks around. It's starting to get dark, the park is fairly quiet, and they are playing their song...

He offers his hand, and she drops the cigarette, squishing it with her shoe before taking his hand. He holds her at a respectable distance, but she moves closer, pressing her body against his. He huffs another soft laugh. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you wanted people to find out," he comments as he adjusts his hold around her waist.

Midge shrugs. "Maybe I do," she admits. "It's been a few months. I haven't sent you running for the hills yet."

"I'm more concerned you're going to get sick of my shit," he replies, hoping it comes off as a joke.

She knows better, though, and her expression softens. "That's not going to happen," she breathes. He shivers a little as her fingertips toy with the curls at the nape of his neck. "Besides, I don't have the kids this weekend, and I'd really like to introduce you to my parents."

"I've met your parents. Twice," he points out.

She huffs a slightly annoyed breath. "I mean as my..."

He tips his head as he considers her. "Boyfriend?" He asks.

"I feel like we're a little old for words like boyfriend," she explains.

"Maybe, but if we used the word lover, I think your mother would simply die."

She laughs quietly at that. "Plus I'm getting tired of leaving your bed before the sun comes up."

"I'm not a fan of it either," he relents. "When your parents were out of town, and I got you all morning...that may have been one of the best days of my life."

She smiles softly. "We can make it a more regular occurrence. Maybe not every day, but...a step forward?"

Lenny considers that for a long moment. Waking up with her in his arms. Holding her hand in public. Being a punchline in her act.

"I'd like that," he breathes.

She smiles. "Me too," she whispers as she rests her head on his shoulder.

[randomwriteronline]

part of @cantankerouscanuck 's Bionicle/LU AU

"Hey. Champion."

That was how they called him, yes. Because he was a champion. Nobody could best him in the colosseum. Many had tried; many had been forced to try. Many had faced him hoping to shatter his teeth and cut off his spine, or at least he imagined that was the goal - as that was what Skakdi did when fighting between themselves for turf.

He wasn't too interested in keeping trophies. Which explained why he had blown them all up to smithereens.

Wild turned around in his cell to see who had addressed him.

Ah!

The Hordika.

He'd seen him before, yes, he had. Fairly often. His employer was the one who held Wild's leash, after all. The Vortixx on whose behalf he had to fight. But he was nice, a balm for sore eyes.

The Skakdi bared his teeth wider in a grin.

"How are you?" the hulking Kavinika-like Toa asked as he settled a little closer to his cage. "Seemed like a rough fight, last one."

"Hm," Wild replied: "Not so much."

"Your arm looked pretty battered in the end."

"It's alright."

"You need it, you do know that. How would you ever manage to get proper results, exploding things with only one hand?"

"I can do that no problem."

"Yes, but think of the lack of symmetry."

The slave fighter laughed heartily, making the iron bars around him shake with the power of his guffaws. Maybe it wasn't that funny, but to hear such a beast of raw animalistic power talk about symmetry - oh, it was too much for him, far too much for him. He laughed so hard his stomach began cramping.

"I'll consider it," he conceded at last when he could finally speak without risking choking on his own breath.

Twilight smiled back. He paced back and forth along the cage gingerly, trotting with a pep in his abnormally elongated limbs' step; if he could have, he would have gladly snaked into the prison to lean onto the powerful fighter.

He had a soft spot for the little Skakdi, he had to admit, even if calling that hulking mass of destruction 'little' might have seemed like either a cruel joke or an oxymoron. It remained that Wild was young, despite his undeniable strength, and something about that kicked off the instinct of some Rahi or another into him: he often found himself agreeing with the antsy part of him thar ached to demolish the cage and tear him away from that world - he would have rather had the kid go off and play with cubs his age, instead of having to survive death match after death match with few precious minutes between them to regain his breath and lick his wounds clean of the sand and shredded armor pieces.

But what would have happened then? A roughhousing gone wrong? An accidental death? A life on the run for manslaughter? That sort of bloodthirsty struggle was everything Wild had ever known, and he wasn't likely to forget it just as soon as he was out of that circle.

Besides, he couldn't have left Midna like that.

"I am serious, little champion," he said again: "Take care of yourself. I'd hate to see your pieces pillaged one day, and you know I mean it."

A monstrously large finger snuck out from between the bars and gently scratched at the Hordika's armor: "It won't be me losing out there," he promised. His voice was a mixture of reassurance and overconfidence. "There's nothing they can throw at me that I haven't fought yet."

"So you think. You'd be surprised how many creatures there could be in this world of ours - and don't forget that the Makuta live to make more of them every day."

Wild shrugged: "Nothing I can't handle."

For now, Twilight did not add.

He tensed suddenly: his head snapped to the door, backbone arching towards the ceiling to appear somehow even larger than he already was, limbs flattening into a preparatory pounce, ready to stop the approaching threat in its tracks.

The Skakdi turned alert as well, just for a moment. Then the half Rahi relaxed: ah. A known scent, a known step, a known face.

The Vortixx walked in without a single fear, strolling about like she owned the place - which she didn't, not yet, as the arena cells were so kindly provided by Xia itself; what she did own were the powerful beings, one caged, one free, who greeted her arrival with fairly respectful nods in her direction.

"Rise and shine, Heel boy," Midna apostrophed her slave fighter: "I'll be needing your brawn in just a moment."

"What for?" he asked despite Twilight's apprehension.

Of course he knew what for, generally. Skakdi might come in a bit of a dim variety sometimes, but even the stupidest can tell when someone wants to unleash a good old fashioned carnage of any kind.

He simply was a little curious about who, or what, he would be needing to unmake with his own two hands.

She smirked, orange wires wrapped around her neck glowing gently with wicked satisfaction: "Nothing much. We'll just be paying Cia's toys a visit - to gift them a nice, long, painful trip back to their maker. Hopefully in a practical box."

Wild grinned.

'Hopefully in a practical box' was always a fun way to send someone to Karzhani.

[freakingoutthesquares]

Discord of the miners' strike influenced a musical journey

By The Newsroom (Yorkshire Post) 25th Mar 2010

AS a 22 year-old graduate fresh out of university, Russell Senior seemed to have the world at his feet. Instead, when he returned home to Sheffield in 1984, he found the city on its knees. "A lot of factories were closing and there was a palpable air of gloom. My dad was a steelworker [and had] been made redundant. I was quite political at the time and I was angry about what was happening," he says.

"The Government had a go at the steelworkers first, then the railway workers and then the miners who were always going to be the toughest nut to crack. So when the miners' strike started, I went to the NUM headquarters and volunteered my services and said, 'What do you want me to do?'"

He was seconded to Nalgo (National Association of Local Government Officers) which ran minibuses through the night taking people to the picket lines and spent the next 12 months as one of the flying pickets. "I was there from the first day to the last when the miners marched back to work with their heads held high," he says.

Senior, who went on to spend 13 years with Sheffield indie band Pulp, is one of the guest speakers tomorrow on the final day of a conference hosted by Leeds University, discussing the consequences of the miners' strike. Several of Pulp's songs are featured in a documentary, The Beat is the Law, which charts the Sheffield music scene during the '80s set against the backdrop of the strike.

For Senior, it was a pivotal time in his life as 1984 was also the year he joined the band. "The two dovetailed, so I was in what was at the time a small band and by night I was out supporting the miners. It was an odd kind of life," he admits. "It was a privilege in a way to be there and at times I felt like Woody Allen's character Zelig, who appears at different historic events, because there were occasions I'd find myself sitting behind Arthur Scargill on a coach heading to a picket line. It felt like an important struggle."

As a frontline picket he witnessed numerous clashes between police and miners, the worst of which was at the infamous Battle of Orgreave. "You could tell something was going to happen. The police formed this shield wall and it was like witnessing a scene from a medieval battle. We'd not seen anything like this in Britain, it was the kind of thing you'd associate with Pinochet's Chile. The way they set about the miners was quite frightening. I was brought up to respect the police, but I changed my mind that day."

When the strike finally ended in 1985, Senior focused on his musical career. "I wanted the band to be world beaters and it was a full-time job, I wasn't just pootling about. The same kind of angst that went in to supporting the miners' strike went into the band."

But although Pulp, and in particular charismatic frontman Jarvis Cocker, went on to enjoy huge success in the '90s, it was a long, hard slog. "It was fairly grim in the early years when we were desperately trying to get off the ground. I've played more concerts to 50 people than I have to 10,000," says Senior, the band's former guitarist and violinist.

"The best bands often have quite a lot of tension and that was the case with us. We didn't really fit in with other bands and it was only when Britpop started that we found some other kindred spirits." But just as the band was at the height of its popularity following the release of Different Class, Senior decided to quit in 1997. "I liked the idea of ending on a high, I didn't want to slowly fade away."

Senior is still on friendly terms with his former bandmates, but these days the 48 year-old, who lives in Sheffield with his partner and two children, prefers a quieter life and is concentrating on writing his first novel.

However, reflecting on the miners' strike he believes that only now – a quarter-of-a-century after it finished – is it being reassessed. "The miners were portrayed as this brutal mob of football hooligans," he says. "Someone said at the time that in 20 years they will tell the truth about this – when it's too late."

The Beat is the Law available to buy here.

[violetdisasterzone]

THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE THE TIME WAR BY AMAL EL-MOHTAR AND MAX GLADSTONE

NO SPOILERS - CROSS-POSTED ON GOODREADS

RATING: 3.8/4

This has been on my TBR for a very long time, and I will be the first to admit that my anticipation combined with the sheer amount of raving recommendations likely has much to do with my initial disappointment, or at least dissatisfaction, when I began reading. For about the first 75 pages, I was fighting to stay engaged; while the basic premise is not too difficult to grasp - two factions at war, time traveling agents fighting to realize certain events and disperse others to suit their needs and advance their teams' missions - "what else?" was a lingering question on my mind, because that brief description is, in fact, all the information we ever receive. Red and Blue's later communications reveal bits and pieces of background information as to the nature of their respective organizations, but the lack of any concrete worldbuilding was disorienting and, to be honest, uninteresting. I found myself perpetually waiting, for what I don't know. For a plot to be woven from all these strands, for all the blood they'd been spilling to give life to something that could make this story more than just a vessel for Red and Blue to find each other through. Neither of these happened, and this dissatisfaction remained an aftertaste in my mouth all the way through the end of the novel.

Somewhere around page 100, the confusion lessened not because anything was revealed, but because this world we've found ourselves in is well and truly irrelevant outside of keeping our protagonists apart, their missions losing all purpose (if they had any in the first place - we certainly wouldn't know) outside of acting as conduits for their letters. The fact that they are bioengineered immortal time-travelling mercenaries for unknown, chaotic entities fighting an interdimensional time war has basically no importance*, which is not something I thought I'd ever say about a book about two bioengineered immortal time-travelling mercenaries fighting in an interdimensional time war. And yet here we are.

*Though it may be largely irrelevant to the novel as a whole, I acknowledge that these roles are the very core of both Red and Blue's characters - it's more than what they do, it's who they are. Being non-human entities forged for this sole purpose and having millennia of experience acting only as these agents has a direct hand in their feelings for and interactions with each other.

I am a romantic at heart, and heaven knows I've been pretentious enough times to be called a hypocrite for saying this, but their letters were absolutely dripping in flowery prose and elaborate, lengthy metaphors. I'll admit that many lines, particularly toward the end, had my heart fluttering, but in equal measure I often found it difficult to wade through the dense, sickly-sweet language the authors clearly prefer.

Red and Blue also seemed to enjoy a fair amount of violent implications in their romance, intended metaphorically or literally I could never quite tell. Whether this was due to their un-human natures or simply my own differing preferences, this at certain points rendered their relationship just as confusing as the rest of the novel. I did, however, ultimately find their unconventional relationship sweet enough to excuse the honey-dipped-in-sugar (and dipped again in blood) prose through which their love story was written.

I've still chosen to give this a fairly high rating because despite my many critiques, I did enjoy myself in the last two-thirds, and I found myself charmed by our protagonists despite how little we really knew of them, and I found their love and loyalty for each other believable and sweet. The authors' choices were bold, and though I may have gripes with their execution, I admire their creativity and ingenuity.

[dairyfreefoodie]

Holy Cow, 🐄 i can't believe that's dairy free?! 🥛🚫

Ken's* top 10 (dairy free snacks & sweet treats)

*fyi Ken is mine and my partners names merged together (Katie & Ben, as Ben is also my very willing tester to compare to dairy food)

Marks and Spencers bakery cookies

I've found finding biscuits and sweet snacks especially hard on my new diet but these are my number 1, my partner didn't believe they were vegan😄. Only downside is they sell out quickly so are quite a rare find and cannot stock up due to the use by dates... but still❤️ Thank me (& M&S) later!

2. Marks and Spencer chocolate brownies

M&S to the rescue again! These are great and even better heated up in the microwave with find number 3 below. My auntie buys me these from her local M&S and I can't ever find them in mine so think some stores don't stock always them sadly.

3. Phish food Ice cream

HORAAAY I can have Ben and Jerry's again!!! 😍😍🙏 Tastes very similar from what I can remember...although less chocolate fish🐟 (phish)😔 - maybe mine was just a sad tub! I'll get over it...Still won't buy it full price like the non dairy version though (luckily its on offer quite a bit - this one was found in sainsburys but i think it's in most supermarkets). The cookie dough one is also pretty good - I'm just a chocoholic 🍫

4. Judes salted caramel ice cream

Jude, whoever you are, I love you 😍❤️ These are soooo good - better than most normal dairy ice cream I have had (bold claim) and they are mini so feels like you're being less piggy. Magnum do a similar salted caramel vegan option which is nice but in my opinion no comparison to Judes.

5. The mighty Greggs Yum Yum

Milk free and glorious. Many other supermarket ones have milk in. Greggs was my favourite highstreet destination prior to my new diet (trust me, i have the full greggs outfit, sliders & all!) and it has stayed strong and true with lots of dairy free options 🙏.

(and of course the famous vegan sausage roll... I must admit though I'd rather have slight face pain and take a dose of antihistamines for the normal sausage roll - only thing I still cheat with...it just can't be beaten😍).

6. Greggs Doughnuts

All hail the greggs Doughnuts 😍🍩 These are the only 3 (simply glazed, pink sugar strand and jam) that i think are milk free but that's plenty enough options (compared to most supermarkets where I end up looking very dissapointed at the allergen info). I ❤️ doughnuts, basically a female Homer Simpson.

7. Vegan pains au chocolat

These are a great sweet vegan breakfast option (especially when put in the air fryer for a minute or 2). These are the two brands I have found so far- first one found in sainsburys and the second found in waitrose (stocked up on a ocado order). Delish👌

8. Belvita breakfast bars

I have these for breakfast on my London commute every morning. Dairy free, low in fat (unlike rest of this post) and high in the old fibre💩! I personally love them (strawberry🍓 not the apricot ones) and stock up when they are on offer (most supermarkets) which happens fairly often for £1.75 for 6 👌.

9. Marks & Spencer double chocolate cookies 🍪

More M&S cookies??? Yes, these are very good but would always lose in a competition with number 1 ^ from the bakery section. However the perk of these are you can stock up on them with the longer shelf life and I've found they are better than a lot of other supermarket (and wicked) cookies. 🍪

10. Lastly CHEESE🧀. Cathedral City is in the lead for me.

I actually like this one enough to put on crackers so its made it onto the snack blog post🙀🧀. There is quite a lot of bad vegan cheese out there (especially from the opinion of a dairy cheese lover like me) but maybe my taste buds have finally accepted it will never be perfect...but for me, this is close enough (for now! - keep going cheese makers!!). Amazing grated on toast (another air fryer job) & topped with worcester sauce 😍

Thanks for reading and happy eating 😄

*Not all products may be vegan or suitable for milk allergy sufferers

Next post: DF cooking staples👩‍🍳🍽 (ft. more cheese, pesto, cream and milk alternatives etc).

[dominaxnoctis]

Now I’m even more curious, what’s Lydia’s opinion of Kurda? / @mariiposas unprompted questions status: always accepting !

HOOOOOOO this is a whole box of angst I didn't know I'd be unpacking ajsdkjas.

So I haven't talked much about her relationships with the other vampires on this blog as I have on past blogs for Lydia (had two others and lost the passwords because I have the memory of peanut), but she was also good friends with Kurda Smahlt. I could actually lowkey argue she was closer to Kurda than she was with any of the others but she won't talk about him unless pried so it's not easily brought up. Lowkey almost shipped them even, but that's a whole other thing. He was closer to her age compared to the others she knew or met (who most were MUCH older than her and Darren was much younger while Kurda was only 30 years older than Lydia).

If Kurda is brought up in post story 'present' parts of her timeline Lydia refuses to talk about it for several reasons. His betrayal was one of the most hurtful moments in her time as a vampire besides the loss of Rosaline (I say this because nothing can be more hurtful than her time being alive and losing everything all at once, but this crept fairly close to agonizing).

Yet, despite what he had done, she does make a passing mention after his death that she could never truly hate him as much as she absolutely wanted to for what he did because Kurda always had good intentions and only ever put others first rather than himself. She even broke down after his execution when she was finally alone. Any mention of Kurda is painful enough, it's fairly easy to see it in her eyes no matter how hard she tries to hide it. Which of course that leads to him becoming Harkat.

I'd say knowing that the tiny people belonged to Desmond made her EXTREMELY distrustful towards them. I'm talking anytime poor little guy was around her she would stare daggers into him like he was some type of monster to be rid of, but after it's revealed that he was Kurda before there's an entire turn around in her attitude towards him. More polite, eyes softening when she looks at him, etc. Although she still looks extremely sad when she does lay eyes on him. She doesn't really speak to him though. She refrains from it even though he doesn't remember anything himself even after Desmond revealing it(especially since his reaction to that is different depending on the Manga or Book), and remains that way towards him. She never sees Harkat again after the events of the series, but muses about him fondly saying she found him 'endearing and somewhat adorable' yet won't outright say it's because of his connection to Kurda.

NOW IF WE GO WITH ALTERNATE TIMELINE WE GET A GLIMPSE OF AT THE END OF THE SERIES (which l lowkey wanna make a verse for because happier??? Lydia? Come on now-)

I'd say with many of the ones she lost being alive, her personality changes a lot. All of the deaths experiences contributed to Lydia being more cold and distant as well as definitely contributed to her habit of pushing others away. If theoretically that alternate timeline happened instead and Kurda was somehow alive, she would still hold Kurda in high regard noting that he might have been a traitor before, but she herself eventually forgave him. So she would be much more willing to be openly opinionated about him and it would mostly be positive rather than driven by her feelings of being upset and hurt.

TLDR: Her feelings towards that man are a little sus, but she wont admit it nor talk about him because everything that happened with him was too painful.

Also their personalities were very similar in terms of 'intelligence/kindness over fighting strength' and I think if we put all of those events aside Lydia genuinely liked him for not only that but just how kind-hearted Kurda was. Other vampires may have seen that as a weakness, but Lydia admired him for it and often thought he made up for what some of the others lacked.

[robininthelabyrinth]

I'd like more Baxia/NMJ bodyswap please and thank you!

Close - extra 3

-

It wasn’t actually, strictly speaking, necessary for Nie Mingjue to spend two weeks as a saber after he got a nasty concussion on a deliberately sabotaged night-hunt, but he was tired of being in charge – he’d refused the Chief Cultivator title on principle, but he seemed to somehow have gotten stuck doing all the work, possibly for lack of other options – and, well, he could. So why not?

Obviously Baxia wasn’t capable of leading his sect, much less the cultivation world, but he did have one sworn brother left of the two, however distracted the remaining one was by Meng Yao’s plight, and anyway his brother needed to figure out the details of running things sometime before Nie Mingjue actually did die of qi deviation.

“You’re not going to die, stop being so dramatic,” Nie Huaisang grumbled. “The sect healers said that your meridians are clearer than they’ve ever seen in our family and that you may well have solved the problem in our clan’s cultivation method to the point that they don’t see any reason you can’t cultivate straight into immortality.”

Nie Mingjue did not respond. He was, after all, a saber.

“I can feel you being smug in there!”

It was a natural state for sabers. That was his story, and he was sticking with it.

Baxia laughed inside his mind and reached out with a human hand to pat Nie Huaisang on the head, her action still a little overly rough by the look of his face. She’d seen a parent do it to their child and been charmed by the action; she seemed to think it was the human equivalent of being polished.

“Ugh, da-jie, stop that, I’m a grown-up – more to the point, I’m a grown-up that’s going to be running the sect for the next few days until da-ge’s concussion is better!”

Baxia held up two fingers.

“…two days?”

She shook her head.

“Two weeks?”

A nod.

“I – but – da-ge, you can’t do this to me!”

Yes, he could, Nie Mingjue thought with a smile that had some bite in it. And he would, too.

“But there’s a discussion conference about to happen!”

It was all planned out already – Nie Huaisang only needed to attend in his place. What was the problem?

“Da-ge! You get out of that saber this instant and talk to me!”

No.

“Da-ge!”

-

It wasn’t so much that Nie Mingjue had overlooked the question of the discussion conference, but rather he didn’t think it was especially relevant to him as a saber, and of course Baxia would just sit there and scowl at everyone, her aura so intimidating that no one would dare come near.

He overlooked only a single problem: that a discussion conference meant guests, and guests meant swords.

Talkative swords.

In a manner of speaking, anyway.

Nie Mingjue had grown accustomed to the strange way of seeing things that sabers had, more qi detection than actual vision; he had learned to adjust to the strange way that he could almost taste evil, the way his blade was a single jagged tooth eager to drink down blood; he had become familiar with having a body made of sharp steel, immune to pain but vulnerable to dents.

Despite that, hearing the other swords converse was – utterly bizarre.

It was one thing when all around him were the sabers of his Nie sect, since obviously Wei Wuxian didn’t carry one and the Wen sect didn’t either, and Lan Xichen was far too polite to carry his sword openly in the halls of the Unclean Realm. Those sabers surrounded him like a raindrop fallen into a well, familiar and comforting and just the same as him – the same implacable hatred of evil, the nuances of their personalities in greater or lesser degrees, often echoing their masters. They rarely conversed, merely affirmed each other upon meeting, a low subvocal purr of contentment to be around the like-minded.

(Aituan sounded like a rusty door, squeaking and yawning, but however weirdly good-naturedly he was, he was still a saber, with his share of bloodlust and hatred and rage buried deep inside his metal.)

The swords, however…

Shuoyue was a rippling brook, gentle and clear and perhaps a little shallow, a little too flexible, while Bichen in contrast was steady as the earth – more saber-like, despite the double edge. They emitted a feeling like the curved vowels of Gusu and the straightness of their sect rules, the serene mountains and the generous plains, pristine and perfect right up until they met some of their neighbors (the newly formed Su clain, for example) at which point it was all screech-screech-screech.

The rule against gossip in the Cloud Recesses apparently didn’t apply to their swords.

Nie Mingjue would have expected the Jin sect swords to be flashy and bright, as gilded on the inside as they were on the outside, but they were actually a fairly quiet lot. He wasn’t sure if it was their masters’ poor cultivation – though it could be, they were weaker as a general rule than the other sects – or something else lurking behind, some secret of cultivation that he oughtn’t know.

Suihua was fairly pleasant, though: bright and almost maternal in the way she fussed about her wielder, secretly adjusting herself to compensate for any weaknesses in his form. She got along surprisingly well with Aituan, which Nie Mingjue wouldn’t have guessed, and Baxia hummed a reluctant note of approval as well.

Perhaps he should consider cultivating more of a relationship with the young Jin Zixuan, with such an excellent recommendation. Sure, he wasn’t his sword – unlike sabers, which reflected their masters in full, swords seemed to be more of a concave image, similar but distorted to more or lesser degree depending on the distance between master and sword – but the sort of person who would cultivate a sword like that probably needed all the real friends he could get.

Sandu, in contrast, was something of a disaster, something that Nie Mingjue hadn’t expected and, in hindsight, really should have. The sheer amount of power that the sword exuded was impressive, and he was stalwart and true, another saber-like one, but unlike his combative, grumpy, and uptight (but generally well-meaning) master, he was aimless and gamboling, mischievous in a vague unintentional sort of way, liable to make trouble more by accident than on purpose.

Reminded him of Aituan, actually. Children among swords…

It was really a fascinating insight, he thought to himself, amused. He could use this to his advantage in the future, even though he wouldn’t, politically; it seemed an unfair advantage. But perhaps as a means of making friends…

Hmm.

Speaking of friends –

-

“I don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian said, looking from Baxia to Nie Mingjue and back, eyes so notably not darting towards his Suibian that it had to be intentional. “Suibian isn’t a saber.”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, already regretting having returned to his human form simply because of the skull-wracking migraine the concussion had left behind. Plus, if Nie Huaisang ever found out that he’d been willing to return for this but not to do the paperwork, he’d find a way to stab him no matter how great the difference in their cultivation.  “She isn’t. But she’s willing to compromise.”

“…what?”

Nie Mingjue wasn’t sure how to explain it. “You’ve interacted with Baxia when she’s - uh - upright, yes?”

“Yes, of course. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that it was mostly her during the conference – she nearly made Sect Leader Yao cry, and didn’t say a word the entire time. I want to know her secret method.”

“I’m fairly sure her method is ‘be a saber’,” Nie Mingjue said dryly. “Still, my point is – would you say that you have an understanding of her? Baxia, as opposed to me?”

“I don’t think anyone can really understand –”

Nie Mingjue leveled him with a look.

“Okay, fine, yes. She’s got a lot of personality, your Baxia. What does that have to do with you wanting me to cultivate Suibian with your sect’s technique?”

“A variation on my sect’s technique, since I’m obviously not teaching you the main technique itself. My point is, during the conference I had the opportunity to converse with a number of different swords –”

“Hold up!” Wei Wuxian held up both his hands. “You talked to the - to people’s swords?!”

“It’s not really talking,” Nie Mingjue admitted. “They’re mostly not as sentient as Baxia, especially for the younger generation. But they still have spirits; they wouldn’t be spiritual weapons if they didn’t. Anyway, it occurred to me that you weren’t using Suibian because of –”

“That incident we do not discuss.”

“…yes, that. Without a golden core, it’s impossible for you to cultivate in the traditional Jiang sect sword style -”

“Wow. You just completely missed the hint that I didn’t want to talk about that.”

“It’s not missing a hint if I ignore it deliberately. Anyway, the fact that you’ve cultivated Suibian in that style for all these years means that they are accustomed to that style, but since by coincidence I was able to converse with the other swords, I thought it worthwhile to feel out if they would be willing to consider adopting a style variation on the Nie sect style, with more emphasis on utilizing resentful energy as swordsmanship.”

Wei Wuxian looked stricken. “You – think that’s possible? I – no, I tried, it doesn’t –”

“You trained your sword to resist outside influences, I know. You can’t not teach a sword that; obviously no one wants Suibian being controlled by any ghost, corpse or yao that happens by. But I think with me in the saber and you on the outside, we might be able to work out a method by which Suibian could distinguish between resentful energy generally and resentful energy being wielded by you. That woudl allow them to respond to that energy as if it was your own…”

Wei Wuxian was hugging him. Why was he hugging him?

“I’m going to switch to Baxia if you don’t let go,” he warned, and Wei Wuxian let go at once.

His eyes were teary.

“I would like that,” he said. “I would like that very much.”

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

What is your favorite Shin Drama CD and why? (can be several if you can't choose)

Shin's Para-Selene CD, hands down.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy pretty much every drama CD featuring Shin (maybe with the exception of the Tsukinami Lost Eden CD), but Shin's Para-Selene is genuinely my favourite drama CD of all time and I'm fairly confident it always will be.

As a fan of both the darker bits of DL and the fluffier side of things (well as far as Shin is concerned anyway), that CD has the absolute perfect combination of do-S moments but also with Shin showing that he cares.

Also I think that CD probably does the best job of all of them of showcasing his personality. This is something I'm going to talk about more in a later post, but Shin will often act more angry than he is. Again, I will explain this properly later in another ask (as I don't want to derail this one too much) but Shin's Para-Selene CD has the best example of this I can think of.

When you initially lose your memories of him and push him off of you, Shin acts aggressive and asks if you're trying to make him angry. After you keep being genuinely frightened of him, he backs off for a moment and wonders what the hell is going on because that isn't how you normally react to him (you're used to his bullshit by this point). If Shin were genuinely seriously angry in this situation, he wouldn't have the awareness to register this. And you can see this when he does later realise you've lost your memories and completely flips out. It's a really good moment for character study and this all happens in just the second track of the CD (admittedly there's another incidence of this in the first track but if I start analysing every part of that CD we'll be here all day).

Honestly if anyone feels they struggle with writing Shin as a character, I'd really recommend you go and listen to his Para-Selene CD (and maybe track 3 of the Tsukinami DF CD to capture how he is pre-relationship).

I feel like I might have answered that one too quickly so I'll give you a couple of bonus answers.

Favourite do-S Shin CD: Dark Fate vol. 1 (track 3 specifically)

This CD only has one track where you interact with Shin but it's truly *chef's kiss*. There's a particular moment where Shin lowers his voice and it just does things to me. Yeah if you're in the mood for darker content featuring Shin, check this one out. (Honourable mention: the Operation X mini-drama)

Favourite group bonus CD featuring Shin: The Vampire's Everyday Board Game ~Kou and Yuma versus Carla and Shin~

A lot of the group drama CDs featuring Shin are really funny but this one has to take the cake for me. Admittedly this is partly due to Kou and Yuma but yeah, it's incredibly funny and as there aren't too many characters, each one of them gets a couple of good moments in this CD.

Favourite solo bonus CD featuring Shin: Shin's "The Vampires got a Part-Time Job!" CD - (Versus IV Stellaworth bonus)

This one is really hard because Shin's solo CDs are all brilliant but this one has got to be my favourite because it is both insanely funny and insanely cute. For anyone who hasn't seen my rambles on it, Shin gets a job working at a dog café but doesn't want any of the vampires to know he works there, so when you walk in he tries to lie and say his name is Jon. He's stolen the name from one of the dogs who then barks when he says it X'D Shin does eventually admit to being himself and sounds so defeated when he does. Anyway after that you get to spend time at the dog café with Shin which is potentially my idea of heaven, it's just the best.

Thanks for the ask anon! Hopefully I didn't ramble on too much ^^;;

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan in 2020

I've sort of dropped doing detailed chapter posts on the series because that type of writing wasn't very fun for me anymore and I have taken a liking to a bullet point kind of approach where I list the elements that stood out for me in the chapter or make a separate post for some specific topic I'd like to talk about in it.

I've started like 10 different posts to attempt to talk about AoT this year and I always end up with incoherent rambling because of all of the elements I'd love to to talk about.

This year's chapters were 125-135 and this year's episodes episodes 1-4 of season 4.

The anime episodes in particular have given me a lot of food for thought, so I'm just saying fuck it.

I think the biggest misstep of the story for me will forever be the fact that it decided to use fairly specific historical imagery.

The Eldians are clearly supposed to have allegorical equivalency with Jewish people, but the Jewish people were never the oppressors. There weren't any Jewish empires. That's conspiracy theory bullshit.

But on the other hand, the series clearly takes great effort to not stereotype any of the groups it's portraying and gives complex reasons for what both sides do. It's one of the few Japanese series that I've seen not stereotype Middle Eastern-coded people (Ramzi and Halil) or black people (Onyakapon). Everyone are people, it says. It even champions diversity:

(Chapter 118)

It is also very much true that a bunch of fascist states use long-term history as an excuse for their actions:

(Chapter 127)

Nation did X 2000 years ago therefore our conquest of them is justified.

This makes discussion about the series' themes like a minefield.

The people who are very critical about its imagery are right, but the people defending the series aren't wrong, either because it condemns all of those nasty ideas of conquest and hurting innocent people.

You can't have a more clear-cut condemnation of genocide:

(Chapter 127)

If you combine all of these details instead of zoning in on them one by one, to me what the story is saying is that *even if* all of that conspiracy bullshit is true, innocent people don't deserve to be slaughtered no matter the reason because they are still people who have their own feelings, thoughts and wishes.

The story clearly gets the baseline, but fumbles the details. I decided to look up some more discussion surrounding this these past few days and I just wish there was more good faith discussion about it. A lot of it feels like a moral superiority contest.

I think it's these kind of flawed stories that actually deserve detailed scruitiny over stories that are rotten to the core because they are *almost there*. Talking about them is a good topic starter in what to do and not to do in a story like this.

Speaking of rotten to the core, I think the absolute highlight of the chapters this year is Eren and some of the chapters this year finally gave me a pretty clear picture of what is going on with him.

Context from 123 certainly helps, though:

(Chapter 131)

This is about Eren's perspective. He can't accept the destruction of Paradis.

It's not that this solution was inevitable looking in from the outside (which is one of the interpretations I see around for Eren's actions), it's that *Eren* can't see any other way out of this except the most extreme because of all of the horrible things he has seen from the outside world. It is very similar to the way suicidal people can only focus on the negative.

You can tell them everything is going to be okay, but those words won't reach them because their mind won't let them and loops them back to those negative thoughts.

Eren can't see the ice cream or silly clowns. But he can see how the other Eldians in the league of Eldians are willing to push Paradis under the bus. He can see how Grisha's sister was killed. He can see how racist and cruel Marley is towards the Eldians in Liberio (and how the people have racist leanings towards other nations, too).

He can only see those bad things. But he also understands how everyone outside of the walls are human just as the people inside of the walls are.

So he is torn to pieces by guilt.

He doesn't want to do this, but he can't see any other solution.

This is why I also think he can't rob his friends of their agency. He is fighting for them to have a good future:

(Chapter 133)

(Chapter 131)

What really stood out to me on a revisit is that Eren considers himself much worse than Reiner.

I've seen criticism on how the story pushes the narrative of both sides being the same and this detail is really important to me because this is the story acknowledging that what Eren is doing is worse and gives all of the following exchanges about this the context of it being a similarity in principle.

Both sides have killed for what they think is right and have to deal with how they have killed people. This is such an important detail in the Uprising arc, too, where Erwin firmly acknowledged that overthrowing the government might not actually be the right choice by him. It was simply what he saw as right. On a narrative level this avoids absolute truths and preference of one character perspective over the other and once again makes it about individual perspectives.

The theme of individual perspectives is so ingrained in this story at this point in my eyes that it's another cornerstone in understanding what is going on with Eren to me.

I think it's great.

I also really appreciate Annie and what was done with her in this chunk of chapters.

(Chapter 127)

There has been this narrative going around that proposes that the story is in Eren's corner too much. But these chapters are nothing but questioning Eren and Annie is one of the main voices in this. It's the Marleyan girls, really and I think this is a very necessary part of making the narrative work. Once again, it separates the narrative and character perspective.

It says that the Paradis side caring is about character perspective, not what the narrative sides with and Annie is even sympathetic to Mikasa in that instance.

She gets it. Unexpectedly, I think Annie might play a bigger role in taking down Eren than expected. Her character arc about deciding to no longer go with the flow because she doesn't want any more tragedy to happen is basically calling for it.

(Chapter 128)

Another element I've seen brought up is the fact that nobody seems to address the Bert-sized elephant in the room, but some of our characters are certainly thinking about him.

This is such a thematically strong element and really interesting because Connie joined the military to make his mom proud and be a good soldier. This is the motivation behind his claim when he says they are going to save the world. But what does becoming a good soldier mean, exactly?

Well, apparently possibly gunning down people you care about.

This moment is so good because it's another moment where the idea of glory in war is taken down a peg.

The moment with Connie declaring they're going to save the world is so often criticised, but it is actually turned on its head in 128. There is no heroics in this. This is actually Connie's big "killing a person" moment because it strips away the final bit of comfort in killing in war, the excuse of killing for good moral reasons.

It is also a wonderful complex evolution of the series' themes. Trost was about fighting monsters. In the Female Titan and Clash of Titan arcs some of those monsters turned out to be human. In the Uprising, Return to Shiganshina and Marley arcs all of those monsters turned out to be human and here in the War of Paradis arc, everyone is human and the only separating system is what everyone views as right.

I really hope the anime will let this chapter breathe a little bit more.

Moving on, I guess it is time to address the rumbling.

I love it as a horror spectacle.

(Chapter 130)

And I really I think it needs to be non-CG when animated. CG is fine in spectacle battles, but not in horror settings because it is too clean.

The rumbling needs to be disgusting and dirty.

Chapter 132 gave me one of the few moments in which I truly cared about Levi. I think him telling Hange to dedicate her heart was a very good moment to cap off their relationship. He sent another SL commander to fulfill their duty.

The speech about hatred in chapter 134 also stood out to me. I think it definitely should be fitted in there somewhere in this, but I also see a bunch of criticism for it.

I want to point out that this is the side of present Marley talking here. It's the military dictatorship.

It's the Nazis. I think the Nazis should feel regret for exploiting innocent people and admit they're wrong.

I also like how the horrors here are undoing the brainwashing and showing the truth to the citizens.

I guess you could read it as heavy-handed, but it is also something that needs to be addressed and in principle, it's not wrong.

I'm also going to put a mention of Historia here. I've talked about how this is my biggest and most glaring problem with the series because of how thematically unfitting it feels, but I've also talked about it in many posts. I wanted to focus more on other stuff in this post.

So now, we make it back to chapter 135.

I think having stewed on it for a month now, I like the element of mindscrewing our cast with the Titans of the people they love is the strongest element of it. It's making them face their personal traumas and we also get some great character moments and payoffs from it.

Mikasa ended off the year in a very good note in my eyes.

Even this deep in the story, this chapter left me in a situation where I have no idea how things might turn out.

I might have rough ideas, but not anything specific and that's fun.

Well, this is it on my retrospective.

2021 is confirmed to be AoT's final year of publication as volume 34 is set to be the story's final volume.

Those who hate the story can finally be free of it and those who care for it, can look back on it with fondness and sadness and many other emotions and evaluate.

It's been 7 years for me. What a wild ride.

So, I'm asking everyone, what are some of your observations on AoT in 2020?

Is there anything you'd like to add or do you have any observations or counterarguments for anything I've said?

I'd be curious to see what everyone else thought of AoT in 2020!

[goth-albino-angel]

Yugiri's smile is everything. She has so many of them and they all mean different things. When she's relaxed, when she's excited, when she's confused, when she has no clue what's going on but everyone else is happy so she's happy, when she's relieved, when she's proud... She has so many different smiles and if Tumblr didn't have the 10 image rules, I would absolutely gush about every single one of them in detail. Unfortunately, if I do that, all of those posts will probably be eaten out of the tag, so instead, here are my top 10 favorite Yugiri smiles so far, images included. (Pre-Revenge episode 9)

10. Season One, Episode 2: The First Smile/ 9. Season One, Episode 10: The Sentimental Smile

Episode 2 is the first time we ever see Yugiri smile. Before this, she seemed relatively nonplussed or generally disinterested in pretty much everything going on. Even though she was in a different time period with complete strangers and a madman demanding her to be something she has no knowledge of, she was fairly calm. Then the first time we see her smile, it's when she sees something completely familiar. Her own face. Not only that, but she directs that smile toward the character that is going to become basically her little sister. The first one means so much and it's so important.

Within the same vein, her smile to Kotaro in episode 10 is one during an emotionally heavy moment. It's the first time he's hit an actual snag in his plans. Sakura's singular focus on the Arpino show rather than on the bigger picture of the group as a whole would have been a massive roadblock had she not realized her mistake.

Yugiri is the only one who properly realizes the reason they were sent into the mountains in the first place. Instead of simply sitting on the information, she's proactive about it and actually goes to discuss the problem with Kotaro. She wants to understand his reasoning so that she might be able to help him. And when she turns toward him, she also gives him the observations she's witnessed throughout her new life. This smile may be low on my list of favorites, but it's still unbelievably important.

...Also, when they released the preview image of this smile, my brain short-circuited for ten minutes, so it had to make it onto the list regardless.

8. Season Two, Episode One: The Professional Smile

This smile isn't much out of the ordinary for what we've come to expect of Yugiri, but it's on here because this was our first look at Yugiri after basically two years of very little. None of us knew how the group would come back, how the writing team had incorporated the unexpected pandemic, how things would play out, or what would be happening. The Promo showed Tae's hand flying off to knock off Sakura's head, but as 2018 displayed, the promos can't always be trusted. This showed that, even in this new world where she's only been awake for a year, she's putting her skills to use and working just as hard as the others. Thanks to the conversation from Episode 10 of the first season, we know she was trained as a geisha which would make service work much easier than it would be for the other girls.

I don't have too much to say on this one, to be honest. I do like that she's in softer lighting, as opposed to the others who were all surrounded by harsh lighting on their season two introductions. The softer lighting lends itself well to the lack of pigment and coloration in the girls' makeup, allowing Yugiri to look like she has some color, even if she still looks somewhat pale and tired. It doesn't give her quite the same sickly look the others have at their jobs. The red dress? 100/10. Perfect decision.

7. Season One, Episode Five: The Proud Smile

SHE. DOES. GYMNASTICS. She has every right to this smile! I did the math for this specific part of the episode and Yugiri got third place. The judges liked her rope aerobics so much, they shot her all the way to third place even though her distance was zero meters. It wouldn't have gotten her interviewed, but it would have at least put Franchouchou at the forefront. I still applaud Tae snagging first place, but Yugiri deserves some praise. She really did go face first into the mud on a bike and said, "Never again." She's so proud of herself. I'll be gushing about the actual gymnastics part in a different post a little later, too, but she definitely deserves to be proud of herself. I'm really gay...

6. Season One, Episode Four: The Cute Smile

Originally, this was just going to be me doing some keysmash version of a squeal or something, but there's something I'd like to draw attention to. I'm pretty sure that, by this point, Franchouchou only knows two songs. Yomigaere, which was supposed to be performed in episode 2, and Mezame Returner, which is what's being performed here. Of these two, Yugiri has more experience with this one, but from what the audience had been shown, it wasn't good experience.

Memorizing the lyrics would have been the easy part for her. It's that a good portion of the dance practice was also spent helping Lily get the steps down and potentially calming her frustrations. Then the performance itself would have been a complete disaster if Junko and Ai hadn't gotten over themselves at the last minute to finally help.

This is the first successful performance of Mezame Returner we're witnessing and it's clear the group's had more practice since then. You can see how excited and happy Yugiri is here because this one is actually going well. They had a bit more time to prepare, the two lead roles were actually involved this time, and the audience also was clearly enjoying the performance. She's so happy and it's just so heart-warming to see. Yes, even with the CGI. Don't @ me, she looks adorable.

5. Season One, Episode Seven: The Sassy Smile

This one also was just going to be a squealing keysmash thing, but again, I have something to point out. Look how much more confident she is now that Junko and Ai have, once again, gotten over themselves. Yugiri sees the effect that Junko stepping in had on the others and just like the rest of the group, her movements are more relaxed and free.

It's more obvious, actually, if you look at the way the other girls are moving directly after Junko helps Ai up in comparison to how Yugiri is moving. She did a spin while waiting for Sakura and Lily to finish their segment, and she could be cheeky during her own. She sensed that the tension had mostly dissolved and because of that, she allowed herself to relax and could properly throw herself into the performance. When she throws out this smile and wink, it's not actually directed at the audience. It's Yugiri telling the others that they've got this without breaking the performance.

4. Season Two, Episode Four: The Gentle Smiles

I put both of these here because Yugiri's just... so... caring? So much of what she does is passive that you don't realize just how much work she puts into relieving the stress from the other girls until long after the problem has been resolved.

In the first, she's speaking to Sakura. No doubt, Yugiri probably noticed how worried Sakura was about Junko. Even though Sakura was trying not to let the others catch on just how anxious she really was, Yugiri still knew that something was bothering Sakura as well as Junko. Yugiri knew that the key to easing Junko's mind lay in placating Sakura first. She's seen what happens to them all when they fall apart and she wants to avoid that at all costs. So, Yugiri lifts Sakura's spirits and gives her back the fire and determination to make a great performance.

In the second, Yugiri is watching Junko eat. Unlike the others, it's clear Yugiri knows that Junko is in much higher spirits than when last they saw her. Junko would likely have still been a stuttering, quivering mess otherwise, but she wasn't stuttering and her actions were purposeful and self-assured. Yugiri is very observant. She would have caught on that something had happened to make Junko feel better. What makes this smile even better is that she's not the least bit disappointed. The reason she made dinner was to help Junko, but she doesn't view the meal as a waste of time. She's so focused on other people, that she's happy Junko is feeling better at all and even offers her different platters to help keep her mood up.

These are high on the list for two reasons. One, they're a show of just how much Yugiri does for her girls. Two, YUGIRI COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HEADCANON CONFIRMED BITCHEEEESSS!!! I GOT ONE RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!

3. Season Two, Episode Six: The Affectionate Smile

I will be completely honest, I have no idea why this one is as high as it is. I admit, I did spend three hours replaying this single thirty second scene because it's really sweet and Yugiri and Tae don't interact very often, so seeing Yugiri not only be worried for Tae, but also be immediately reassured that Tae would be fine was just something my heart didn't know it needed until it had it. The sheer level of affection Yugiri shows toward Tae is too adorable. Especially since Yugiri usually only has moments like those with Sakura and, to a lesser extent, Lily. This smile's really cute, it's in the middle of a wholesome scene, and it made me love both Yugiri and Tae that much more.

2. Season One, Episode Three: The Excited Smile

Once again, an entry that was going to be a simple squealing keysmash until I realized there was something to point out here as well. This is the first smile we ever see from Yugiri that's genuinely enthusiastic. She has plenty of them, especially during her performances, but this is our first time seeing her fully incorporate herself into the group as an actual member and actually look excited to do something with the others. This was an omen of adorable things to come and damn did it deliver.

Honorable Mentions.

I'm only going to touch on each of these briefly because to be honest, there are a LOT of smiles I could've picked.

The first one is from episode 6 when the group is talking about their very first meet-and-greet. Lily asks Yugiri if she's keeping up okay, and Yugiri remarks that she's taking things as they come. This was a small look into the kind of character she is. As I mentioned before, she's very passive in the way she operates, but that's to the benefit of those she cares for. This is her admitting that she doesn't want to be a problem and it's just sweet that even though Lily is worried about her, Yugiri's still highkey thinking about everyone else.

To the right is a shot of Yugiri during Electric Returner. This one is just the squealing keysmash because she looks so genuinely ecstatic, it's contagious. She's NO DAMN CLUE what happened or why they sound so different, but she is absolutely living her best second life.

The next shot comes from the beginning of Yomigaere and is somewhat of a repeat of the above. She's excited to perform for such a big crowd, she's glad Sakura finally agreed to actually participate, and she's living her best second life. Whoever animates Yugiri's CG model? I love you. I want to send you a gift basket. She's always so happy during performances.

Then comes her smile after the group finds out Sakura's memories are back. She's just glad Sakura, her Sakura, has come back to them, that she accepts her crap luck and is still willing to stay. For Yugiri, this goes under the list of Best Possible Outcomes. Her family is whole again and she's so relieved.

Last in the top row is the first full frontal shot we get of Yugiri in the Saga Jihen music video. She's so unbelievably adorable here. I wish I could've gotten her first expression, but the curtain was still rising and without photoshop, I'm not editing an image to the degree needed to get her whole face lightened. Point is, she's cute and everyone deserves to see her adorable face on the first song she got to be center for.

First on the bottom row is Yugiri looking apologetic from episode 8 of Revenge. She's so cute. It was an honest mistake and she had no way of knowing the paper belonged to Kiichi. No doubt, that was probably why she offered to help him rewrite them later.

Next is how cute she looks in big sister mode. She's wiping the mud from Kiichi's cheeks and is taking such care with him. Throughout the entire episode, she treats him like a little kid and it's likely because her role was big sister for so long that she doesn't know how not to treat him that way. It really does shed light on just how kind she is to everyone, though, that she doesn't even think about her dirty kimono and focuses on cleaning him up a little first.

Then we have her smiling at Kiichi as she remarks on how beautiful his dream of reviving Saga is. She even says she hopes it comes true. His dream means something to her. She can't even fully see it, he can't even fully see it, but they don't need to. What Itou didn't understand this whole time is something Yugiri understood immediately just from listening to Kiichi talk. They don't need to see it in their minds, all they need is to feel it in their hearts, and that's something Yugiri knows.

And lastly on the honorable mentions, because this post is already super long, Yugiri smiling while she's cooking for her guests. It was a tossup between this or the pinwheel because it's just really nice that Yugiri can simply enjoy mundane things. I chose this one because it's a direct contrast to how she was at the beginning. Before, she ate with a disinterested expression, but now, she's cooking for guests rather than just for herself. The lift in her mood is obvious, and it's something so small but so heartwarming, I couldn't resist.

I would've put the pinwheel moment anyway, but unfortunately, as a com major, formatting and design are everything and an extra picture on the top or bottom without a balancer would've thrown the whole thing off. Maybe next time.

NOW FOR NUMBER ONE

1. Season Two, Episode Eight: The Softest Smile

This should have been expected. There's something genuinely touching about the fact that Yugiri really does give her everything, even to complete strangers. These girls barely know her, everyone in town barely knows her, but because her dance students suggested Yugiri go out and actually experience, Yugiri gives it actual thought. She doesn't dismiss them, she doesn't deride them, she doesn't make them feel foolish or anything like that. She treats their suggestion the same way she would if it had come from a close friend. And she does actually take them up on it.

Later, we see her come into contact with Kiichi to demonstrate that even full-on strangers aren't exempt from her kind heart, but this means more. All we know is that these girls take Yugiri's dance class, and from the way they speak when we first meet them, it's clear Yugiri has a professional wall between herself and those she instructs. But she still treats them as she would the girls back in Shimabara. It's proof that, even in the past, Yugiri really was just as kind-hearted as in the present. It's a show don't tell kind of thing that just speaks so deeply to the writer in me. I love this smile. It's everything. Her smiles are everything. She's everything.

[the-obiwan-for-me]

firstly, congrats on finishing She Said the Word!!! I've enjoyed it from start to finish and I've been reading it since almost the very beginning so it's been super fun to see it come to an end!!! Would you ever consider writing that "emotional" obi-wan and satine reunion after their respective stints in jail?? I can't find it at the moment but I feel like I remember you writing something about that??? :eyes emoji: anyway!! just thought I'd ask :)) hope you have a great day!!!

Thank you for this inspiration! And sorry it took a bit of time. I definitely had wanted to include this scene in the story itself, but sometimes you have to leave stuff out for the sake of pacing and mood. So, essentially, it’s a “deleted scene” (even if I wrote it after the fact).

If anyone else wants to offer up a prompt, either from this AU or one more aligning with canon, just send it my way! I will admit, I am not always fabulous with prompts, but if I think I can wrangle it, I will.

This contains spoilers up through chapter 65, Aftermath, of “She Said the Word,” so I will put the story below the break. Hope you enjoy!

Home

Any other time, it would seem like a fairly normal visit, Satine thought as she was bustled through the Senate building, surrounded by Coruscanti Guard. But this time the guards weren’t protecting her; they were guarding her, like some criminal mastermind or fearsome warlord.

In a strange way, Satine thought wryly to herself, she supposed she was some sort of warlord now.

 Beside Satine rushed her longtime aide, Kayla, who had finally bullied her way onto a transport from Mandalore, bringing with her endless apologies on Lily getting away from her, clothes appropriate for the family to wear in the Senate, and news from home, which she now hurriedly half whispered to Satine in an odd mix of Mando'a dialects in case of eavesdroppers. The petite woman had more than made up for Lily's escape, though Satine hardly blamed her for the girl's delinquency. Somehow, through sheer force of determination and grit, Kayla had kept the government from imploding or following its duchess and Mand'alor into a foolhardy rescue attempt. 

The troopers stopped at a door, and Satine had to reach out and grab Kayla's arm to keep her from running straight into the trooper, distracted as she was as she shared nearly two weeks' worth of news and relayed, from memory, messages from clan leaders and house heads. 

The door slid open, and troopers moved to allow Satine to pass. Kayla went to follow, but was stopped. "Prisoners only."

Kayla pushed against the soldier. "But I need to speak with the Duchess. I have more news to-" 

"Prisoners only," he said again, stepping more solidly in her path. She looked up at Satine, who had stopped beside her.

"Your grace…"

"It will be alright, Kayla. You have done good work thus far, and I have no doubt you will continue to do so." She squeezed the woman's hand when she saw her eyes well with tears. "K'oyacyi, my dear friend. Mandalore will persevere. We will persevere."

Kayla pressed her lips together, clearly willing herself from letting her tears fall. She squeezed Satine's hand then bowed her head. "Yes, your grace. Oya manda," she whispered, then stepped back, letting the party cross the threshold into the room beyond.

Satine crossed through the antechamber of the conference room turned holding cell and stopped short in the archway, relief sweeping over her at the sight in front of her. Korkie and Ahsoka sat in a corner, heads close together, speaking in hushed tones, while Anakin stood near the floor to ceiling window, speaking with Fenn Rau, Greer Eldar, and Ursa Wren. At the expansive table sat Obi-Wan, methodically fixing tea for he and Lily, who sat beside him, watching him work.

At some point in her relationship with Qui-Gon Jinn, probably on one of her many heartsick nights, her mind clouded and stormy with grief and uncertainty, he had set about making them all tea, in his quiet, methodical way. He offhandedly mentioned that making tea could almost be a form of meditation. She knew Obi-Wan often thought about that, as did she. She wondered, as their daughter watched him carefully, if he had told her the same thing, to ease her fragile heart and still her frantic mind.

Satine watched them all quietly for a long moment, everyone too caught up in their own worries to notice her. That was fine. She wanted to take them all in for a heartbeat; her beautiful, strong children and her kind, brave husband. She just needed that beat to drink them in before the world crashed back down around her and she had to remember they were criminals in the mind of the Republic.

The moment paused for her, just enough, and then ended when Obi-Wan happened to glance up and caught sight of her standing there. His face passed from quiet contemplation to delighted surprise to joyous relief, and he leapt from his seat, bounding across the distance between them, and swept her into his arms. For the first time in over ten days, Satine felt like she was home. Though they were hundreds of lightyears from their physical home, locked in a conference room, treated like war criminals and treacherous beasts, this man was the living embodiment of home.

“Stars, Satine,” he breathed into her hair, and she was caught by the silly thought that she was glad Kayla had been unable to fit her normal headdress within her tight packing guidelines. “Master Windu told me time and time again that you were alright, but I’m just so glad to see it for myself.”

His arms were warm and strong, and she wished for him never to let go. She buried her head into the crook of his neck more, breathing deep. His skin smelled of the same industrial soap she had used to shower in the detention center, but the tunic Kayla had seen to him getting still held traces of the subtle warm scent of his preferred cologne. He smelled like home. 

She tried to speak, but found that no words would come, only a quiet sob of relief and fear and uncertainty that she hadn’t known she had been holding for days. “You are alright, aren’t you?” he whispered into her ear when her body trembled against him with the silent sob.

She didn’t trust her voice, so she merely nodded against his shoulder. “Good,” he said again, tightening his hold on her, rocking her gently. In turn, she wrapped her arms about his neck, holding onto him as if he could float away at any moment. 

She wasn't sure how much time passed as they stood like that, gently swaying, but he stirred her back to the present when he finally spoke again. "Everything will work out, my love. Be brave. Yes?"

She nodded against him again. "Yes," she agreed, finally managing to find her voice. She allowed herself to pull loose of his embrace, and found Lily standing beside her. She pulled the girl into her arms, hugging her tight, kissing the top of her head. "Are you well, little warrior?" she asked. Lily nodded, sinking into Satine's embrace.

"I missed you," Lily said. 

"And I missed you. But now we're together again." 

"All of us."

Satine looked up to find the other three had come over. She opened her arms and they entered the circle of her arms, trapping Lily against her. She hugged them all as best she could, her little warrior, her kind little jetii girl, and her two big Mando'ade boys. It wasn't just Obi-Wan who was home. This was home. These children. Her husband. Their love. This was her safe harbor. Her rest. Her joy.

Obi-Wan approached, and she felt the soothing weight of his warm hand against her back. "We must all be brave, now," he said softly. "There will be those who will see us fall, but we must be strong against them. Trust in the Force, my darlings. We will see this through."

Someone cleared their throat behind them, and Satine reluctantly let her children go. She turned, hand reaching out for Obi-Wan's and finding it, to find Bail Organa waiting, Padme brushing past him to come to Anakin. 

"It is time, my friends," he said, his voice somber. 

"Thank you, Bail," Obi-Wan said, straightening his back, as if preparing for a battle. Satine supposed that this was just one more battle for them. He looped her hand in the crook of his elbow, and went to lead their family toward the door, when Lily stopped them. 

Reaching up, the girl pushed a loose pin back into Satine's hair, trapping a wayward curl back where it belonged. She smoothed her hand across Satine's hair.

"That's better. Now you're ready," Lily said quietly, smiling softly. Satine kissed the top of her girl's forehead, running her hand through her long hair, left loose and brushed smooth by Padme. 

"Thank you, verd'ika. Now I am ready for anything."

With that, she allowed Obi-Wan to lead her out, holding her head high, ready to fight for her home.

[bestworstcase]

Hi, I really love your thoughts and analysis on tts so I wanted to ask if you have read The Vanishing Village Book? It made me really think about Eugene's character. I sorta disliked him in the book and felt his relationship with Rapunzel was different and strained. I guess my question is if you think Eugene is a good character? I feel that I am biased for liking the story and relationship between Cassandra and Rapunzel so perhaps I am not seeing him in a fair light but there's just factors that make me feel he might not be the best for Rapunzel. I love their relationship and value & dedication towards each other but their relationship can feel a bit stale sometimes and Eugene can come off as not understanding and dismissive towards Rapunzel sometimes so ig I'd like to be proven wrong and be reminded that Eugene is good for Rapunzel

i have read vanishing village (and i remember liking it better than lost lagoon) but i have to admit i don’t remember anything but the very broad strokes of the plot, so i don’t feel equipped to do any analysis of eugene based on it; that being said -

i do really like eugene as a character in the sense that he is. interesting / engaging / compelling, which yeah to my mind that’s what makes a “good character” but also has nothing to do with the, kind of, moral or personal question of but is he a good guy or is he likable or sympathetic or that kind of thing. and on that my feelings are more ambivalent kfjfjdhs

on the one hand i do find his relationship with rapunzel in tts to be fairly refreshing. it’s nice to see a fictional m/f couple that is just… comfortable with each other, friends with each other, able to talk about their problems collaboratively with each other. that is so rare in fiction, where the tendency is so often to rely on miscommunication to manufacture relationship drama or do the will they won’t they, on again off again nonsense which is just so tiresome - and it feels good to have a m/f couple that eschews that altogether. and it’s also imo really nice that the m/f relationship fades so much into the background vis a vis the wider plot, which i know is not necessarily a popular opinion [vague gestures at all the ‘eugene was sidelined’ discourse] but, like, i feel like i can count on one hand the number of stories i know where the female protagonist *has a male love interest* without the story being ABOUT him, and with the male love interest filling this supportive narrative role while quietly and subtly dealing with his own problems on the side? it’s so difficult to find stories where men aren’t centered and so i appreciate eugene and new dream a lot for that reason too.

but at the same time like - eugene def falls victim to the plot-driven writing just like every other character does and that frustrates me because i think ultimately having all these loose threads hanging with him means his character feels a bit stagnant, and that in turn makes his flaws more glaring because they’re never… worked on or addressed, they just sort of persist or silently fade away for the most part. (which again, is true of literally every character because the storytelling of tts is highly plot driven and episodic)

& that phenomenon can make character interpretation a little convoluted, because… well the intentions of the narrative are signaled pretty baldly (eugene grows out of his selfishness and becomes a compassionate hard working leader for corona, which he has embraced as his home) without having much if any on-screen development to back it up (indeed the premise of flynnposter involves eugene shirking his new responsibilities, and then it concludes with a commitment from him to take the captain gig seriously - but thereafter the only time we get to see this demonstrated through him encouraging project obsidian [which makes him look the opposite of compassionate or responsible given he is excitedly planning to extrajudicially murder cassandra] and then joining the fight against zhan tiri [which literally everyone in corona does]). so do we take what the textual development shows us and conclude that eugene is, at the end of the day, just another cop, or do we take the narrative signaling as a given and fill in the textual gaps with our own imaginations? i tend to fall heavier on the textual side but i do try to take intentions into consideration when they are signaled so clearly, because i understand the structural and corporate limitations on what the tts team were able to do with the story.

anyways - i also have some fraught feelings about new dream because, in the film, it’s not a relationship that i can buy into at all. rapunzel is 17, a few days shy of 18, when an adult man in his mid-twenties tumbles into her bedroom, hits on her, tries to take advantage of her naïveté so he can recover his stolen goods and screw her over because he’s spent his life cultivating an attitude of selfish disregard for anyone but himself, but she’s so sweet he decides to give emotional vulnerability a try and within three days they’re in love and then they get MARRIED?? and he’s literally the first person rapunzel has ever met who wasn’t her “mother”? excuse me???

and i get the impression the tts team was fully cognizant of that problem and made a real effort to address it, as much as they could within the context of the designated disney princess couple - that’s how we get things like the BEA proposal and rapunzel and eugene talking their feelings out afterwards and agreeing to take things slower, and that’s how we get things like rapunzel having cass and eugene having lance so they have lives and identities and relationships outside of each other, and it’s why eugene has a little arc of becoming less self-absorbed in the front half of s1 and why cassandra overtly criticizes his treatment of rapunzel in BEA and so on and so forth. like no one says it OUT LOUD in the series but rapunzel’s and eugene’s relationship is fraught with peril because of the way they met and came together, and it takes significant emotional work from both of them to navigate that to arrive at a healthy place, and i enjoy watching that play out.

so yeah eugene is sometimes too in his own head to notice when something is wrong with rapunzel, like how he misses how unhappy she is in BEA because *he’s* so jazzed about palace living, and sometimes they struggle to get on the same page with each other in general; but that’s just, kind of the gig where relationships are concerned. what matters to me is that whenever these hiccups happen we see, typically some confusion or distress from him or rapunzel or both, and then they reach out for each other and talk about it until they reach an understanding, which is the correct healthy way to manage this sort of conflict in a relationship. and of course through it all eugene is pretty unflagging in his absolute support of rapunzel - even if he doesn’t always *express it* in a good way, he is always very invested in rapunzel’s happiness and well-being. like even the BEA proposal, eugene’s fuck up lies in assuming that rapunzel felt the same way he did about everything and that proposing now would make her happy - there’s self-absorption there but not to the point where he isn’t concerned about her feelings, so when he upsets her he immediately realizes that he screwed up and shelves his own feelings to focus on hers, which is very Good Partner of him.

and then again on a metatextual level i do kind of hate that rapunzel’s arc is essentially, trapped in corona -> adventure! -> adventure is traumatic time to go home -> exact same circumstances she started in but she’s happy about it now. not to say i object to rapunzel embracing her role as a princess/queen per se, but in an ideal world i would like that to come from a place of rapunzel remaking her role to suit herself rather than just kind of… this ‘well got the wanderlust out of my system forever!’ vibe i get from plus est. this isn’t directly related to eugene at all but i think it does splash over onto him on account of him being so closely intertwined with her life in corona. if rapunzel were given an arc about tearing down institutions that stifled her in s1 and really rebuilding corona to be better (something that is lightly implied in canon but never quite makes its way to outright text) then of course eugene would have been her number one supporter - but she doesn’t get that arc and so eugene ends up just kind of being there while rapunzel settles into the role laid out for her. (the destiny narrative being played painfully straight in this regard doesn’t help either.)

this is all a bit of a ramble but i guess what i’m getting at is i think at the end of the day the thing that makes new dream feel a bit stale or stagnant is the series sticking to this aggressively pro-monarchy, status quo is good, mass market appeal narrative enforced by the reality of Disney Princess Show, and that’s not eugene’s fault or any character’s fault, it’s a corporate issue and writing issue.

oh and also personally i think eugene’s biggest flaw in the new dream relationship is he has a tendency to enable rapunzel’s worst impulses via unquestioning support - a little healthy skepticism can be very good for a relationship vs just being your partner’s yes man. so when i imagine a character trajectory for him post-series it involves eugene getting more comfortable pushing back when rapunzel is pursuing ideas that are bad in some way.