#which SUCKS because i want to be her friend so badly but i hate the idea of interacting w her at this point in time

[thebigqueer]

like its just so fucking insane how one week i was on vacation and thinking abou thow excited i was to get back to school w her and then a week later she breaks up w me and now im at school and thinking about how much we could have been doing together.

[leah-lover]

Second chances. Alexia putellas x coach!reader.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

summary : the confrontation between alexia and R.

Alexia always had a hold on you. Her stare would often captivate you and suck the air out of each room you were in. being stuck with her in the physio room, her muscular thighs on full display, was your worst nightmare. Her eyes seemed to devour every part of you and yours couldnt shy away from doing the same. There you both were 4 years after that night still looking at each other like nothing mattered in the world but the person in front of you. Your heart made it  its purpose to quickly remind you of the gaping hole she left in it. You remembered the amount of tears she drew from your eyes, and the delay she caused to your success and career. You shifted in your seat and looked away from her. You reminded yourself that the person in front of you wasn't  the love of your life anymore but the one that destroyed you. 

“ You don't know how many times I imagined us talking like this. I planned this speech many times but now that i have to do it i can't recall a word.” she says breaking the silence. Her voice was shaky which wasn't something you were used to. You hardly ever saw alexia nervous and fidgety which was interesting to witness. You didn't say a word though. You kept your composure as you always did and let her speak her mind. 

“ uhmm. I am sorry. I know that i fucked up really badly. I shouldn't have acted like that that night. I should have fought for you. Fought for us. I should have reprimanded Irene and done everything in my power to help keep us together but I was a coward. I chose the easy road. You don't know how sorry I am. I regret everything and if  I could go back I would stop you from leaving or leave with you.” 

You fantasized many times about what alexia would say if she was to apologize. What you dreamt of sounded like what she said but coming from her it didn't sound as satisfying as would have hoped. It  only made you angrier. You tried to keep your composer because it was your default setting. Your face was as emotionless as you could have it but your blood was boiling in your veins. You waited for her to add something but she didn't. . she was shaking and her eyes were glued on you. 

Realizing that she was done you got up to leave. She quickly hurried to your side. “ So you won't say anything?” she asked, nervousness clear in her voice. “ I said I would hear you out and I did.”  you respond with a monotone voice. 

“ Please say something.” she pleaded. 

“ What do you want me to say? You want me to say that you are forgiven. You are not. You destroyed me and for that I will hate you forever.” 

“ You don't mean that.” 

“ I don't mean what? The part where I said you destroyed me or the part where I said I hate you.” your voice was undermining and insulting which made her body visibly tense. 

“ I was in love with you and you chose you before me. You chose your career before me. You chose your family and friends before me. And what?  you think i am sorry and I regret everything would make me forgive you and come back to you.” you voice and body language were cruel. You laughed at her, undermined her presence and belittled her just with your tone. You saw her shrink before your eyes. You didn't mean to or maybe you did. But the image in front of you made your heart ripe.

“ I was dead without you. I couldnt breath, sleep, or eat. I thought that you would come after me and tell me that I am to you worth more than some stupid trophies or a legacy. I thought that you wanted to continue your life with me and that that night was just a mistake But you didn't. You left me alone and unemployed. You ruined me. You broke me. I had to learn how to breathe again. I had to learn how to sleep in my bed alone. I had to train my brain not to think about you  and not to try and hold out hope that you wanted me. You made me feel unloved and undeserving of everything.” you saw tears escape her eyes and stain red cheeks. 

“ I am stupid. I don't deserve you or  a second chance. But I can't help but miss you and need you. All I have is this stupid job and my memories of you. I replay them every night before I go to bed. I replay how my lips  felt on yours and how your head felt on my chest.  I should have come after you and told you that I love you more than anything but my ambition stood in the way. I thought that my career and the approval of my family  would fill the void in my heart but I was wrong. I love you. “ 

You two stood there with your hearts laid bare. You know how she felt and she knew how you felt. 

“ After all this time I love you too alexia.” you took a deep breath and you saw her eyes light up. “ But I can't trust you. I went through so much pain and anger. I don't think that I am capable of moving past it to be with you.” you swiped her tears away with your thumbs and gave her a quick peck on her lips. She didn't fight back, she wanted more but you stepped away from her and left the room. 

As soon as the door closed behind you tears streamed down your face as you ran away from the hallway. 

You were the last one to board the bus. You saw a glimpse of alexia whose head was lying on mapi's shoulder. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were red and your heart was no longer able to keep your feelings for her dormant. Two voices were screaming at you. One was reminding you of how much you love her and the other reminding you of how much she hurt you. You put on your headphones to try and drown out the noise that tortured you. 

Midnight found you awake, the image of alexia’s crying face was burned into your memory. A knock on your door stopped you from cursing yourself for thinking about going back to her. When you opened the door you found Irene in front of you. 

“ Can I come in?” she asked. You stepped aside to let her in. 

“ I am a jerk.” she stated. “ Yeah you are.” you responded. 

 “ You haven't done anything to hurt me but I have done everything to hurt you. I was young, jealous, and angry. Everything that happened was on me and it was my fault. And for that I apologize. I knew that night that it would hurt you and get you to leave so I did it. I was a child jealous that her best friend found love and she didn't. I am not excusing my behavior which was wrong. I am giving you a much needed apology.” 

“ Thank you.” you respond. 

“ alexia loves you. She is deeply in love with you.” 

“ Irene, stop.” you interrupt her. 

“ She truly loves you and she truly is sorry for everything. She would do anything to be with you again. She was a mess when you left. That's why I didn't want you to take the job. I knew how much she had gone through and how much she still loves you. And when I looked at you I saw that you too still loved her. In  an effort to save my friend I was rude to you. Hate me but please try to find the will to forgive her.” 

You didn't know what to do with what she told you. Your heart was burning for Alexia and you knew now that hers yearned for you too. 

You pick up your phone and look at her contact. Will you forgive her or shut her out again?

[angel-sweets666]

Break up

katsuki bakugo x reader

Bakugos been distant which ends up in you two breaking up, learning to live without him was difficult

Warning: angst, break ups, arguments, mineta. (This is a mineta hate page🫶🫶) probably badly written argument but it’s more for practice

Bakugo and you used to be probably the cutest couple 1A had ever seen. He would carry your bags, help with your homework, hell he had even figured out how to threaten izuku into switching seats with you so you two could pass notes in class. You were practically best friends with Mina because of bakugo, you had a group of boys (bakugo, kirishima, Denki and sero) who would come to the rescue if you or Mina were afraid or uncomfortable of someone, usually mineta. Everything was great! Until it wasn’t

Bakugo began to grow distant, his usual warm and loving behavior towards you shifting to something colder and more indifferent. It was like a switch had been flipped, and the boy who once made you feel like the center of his world now treated you like an acquaintance, or even less. The cuddles in your dorm, which had been a nightly comfort, stopped altogether. He no longer accepted the lunches you made with such care, brushing off your efforts with a curt nod or a distracted "thanks."

He didn't wait for you or Mina when the lunch bell rang, a small but significant ritual that had always been a highlight of your day. Instead, he would storm off on his own, his mind clearly occupied by something that didn't include you. It was like he was building walls around himself, shutting you out bit by bit. The boys, Kirishima and Denki, noticed the change immediately. Their concerned glances back at you two during lunch were hard to miss. They would wave, trying to get you and Mina to join them like usual, but you felt too disheartened to follow.

Mina, always perceptive, linked her arm with yours and gave you a reassuring squeeze. "It's okay," she whispered, her eyes full of empathy. "We'll just hang out together today."

You forced a smile, grateful for her support but unable to shake the growing ache in your heart. The cafeteria felt larger and lonelier without Bakugo by your side, and the absence of his presence was like a constant, gnawing void. Mina did her best to keep the conversation light and engaging, but even her bubbly personality couldn't fully lift the cloud that hung over you.

You sighed heavily and walked into the common room, feeling the weight of a particularly rough day of training pressing down on you. It seemed like the past few weeks had been nothing but a series of bad days strung together. Inside, you found Sero hanging from the ceiling with his tape, while Denki and Kirishima were busy playing Uno. Sero, suspended above like a makeshift Spider-Man, noticed your dejected expression immediately.

"What's up with you?" he asked, concern evident in his voice. Kirishima and Denki looked up from their game to see you standing there, looking defeated.

"Nothing… just a bad day," you sighed, moving toward the kitchen area in search of some instant noodles. The prospect of a quick, comforting meal was the only thing that seemed remotely appealing.

"You've had a bad day for the past two weeks," Denki remarked, leaning back on the couch and taking a sip of his Coca-Cola. His casual observation stung because it was true; your mood had been in a steady decline for a while now.

"I know… it sucks," you grumbled in response, frustration lacing your voice as you rummaged through the cabinets.

"Is it because of Bakugo? You should talk to him!" Denki suggested, trying to offer some well-meaning advice about your relationship.

Kirishima, always quick to tease his friends, pointed out, "To be honest, man, I don't think anyone in this whole dorm wants your relationship advice when you can't even pull that green-haired chick from 1B." His comment earned a fake offended gasp from Denki, momentarily lightening the mood in the room.

The sounds of their playful banter and the ease with which they interacted only amplified your frustration. Their happiness and carefree attitudes were a stark contrast to the turmoil you were feeling inside. It wasn’t fair – why did everything have to be so hard for you?

As you prepared your noodles, you couldn't help but let your mind wander back to Bakugo. You missed him more than words could express. His absence from your daily life was like a constant, gnawing ache. You longed for the days when he would greet you with a smirk and a teasing remark, when his presence alone could make you feel like everything would be okay.

You slumped down at the kitchen counter, stirring your noodles absentmindedly. The warmth of the broth did little to soothe the cold emptiness that had settled in your chest. Sero, always perceptive, swung down from the ceiling and landed gracefully beside you.

"Hey, if you ever need to talk, we're here for you," he said softly, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

Kirishima and Denki echoed his sentiment, their earlier teasing replaced by genuine concern. "Yeah, we're your friends. We care about you," Kirishima added with a supportive smile.

Denki nodded, his usual playful demeanor subdued by the seriousness of the moment. "We're here for you, no matter what."

Their words were a small comfort, but the underlying issue remained – you missed Bakugo. You missed his rough edges and his rare moments of softness, the way he could make you feel safe and cherished with just a look. The rift between you seemed to grow wider with each passing day, and you couldn't shake the feeling of helplessness.

As you finished your meal, you realized that no amount of comforting words from your friends could fill the void left by Bakugo's absence. You needed to figure out a way to reach him, to bridge the gap that had formed between you. For now, all you could do was hold on to the hope that things would get better, and lean on your friends for support as you navigated this difficult time.

“nah, it’s good advice.. I’ll talk to him. If you hear yelling from us just… I dunno come check on us, or get Mina.”

So you made your way towards the elevator and down the hall, clicking the button that had the number four in big bold writing. Bakugo and you both lived on the 4th floor of heights alliance. (I’m being fr when I say I googled this) and walked to his dorm, knocking lightly on the wooden door “katsuki? Hun?” You called out “yeah? What?” He yelled back at you, sounding annoyed. “Can we talk?” You asked softly, trying to simply be nice to him “we talk everyday!” He just sounded so annoyed. “No like.” You sighed “can we talk.” You said it in a different way so he got the idea. Bakugo huffed on the other side of the door “yeah. Sure. Whatever.” He grumbled out, unlocking his door and letting you inside.

The blonde flopped back onto his bed and rolled onto his back to look at you. “What’s up?” he asked, the once loving look in his eyes now replaced by a cold indifference.

“What’s going on, Bakugo? You keep distancing yourself from me,” you said, frustration bubbling up. “I haven’t seen you actually try to talk to me in two weeks!”

Bakugo rolled his eyes. “Nothing’s going on, I’m just tired. Still love you,” he mumbled, but you couldn't tell if he was lying.

“When you’re tired, you used to cuddle me and sleep. Now you ignore me completely—”

“I said I'm just tired, damn it!” Bakugo suddenly yelled, causing you to wince.

“What the hell, Bakugo! I’ve been nice about it, trying to understand!” you retorted, your voice rising in pitch.

“I’m just… I don’t have time for you, okay?” he snapped, his tone as harsh as ever.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, feeling a sinking sensation in your chest.

“I don’t have time for you! You distract me from being the number one hero. You're nothing but a distraction!” he screamed, picking up a small stress toy that you got him and throwing it at you, narrowly missing your head.

“What the hell, Bakugo! Who the fuck throws something at their partner?”

“Me! Because you’re being annoying! I’ll talk to you like I did before when you stop being such a distraction!” He groaned and tried to turn away from you.

“Will you? Will you really? I don’t trust you anymore!” you yelled, your voice cracking with emotion.

“If you don’t trust me, let’s break up then!” He stomped over and got right in your face, his eyes blazing with anger.

“FINE!” you shouted back, but you didn’t move.

“FINE!” he roared, his breath hot against your face.

“Why are you doing this?” you demanded, tears welling up in your eyes. “I’ve done nothing but support you, and this is how you treat me?”

“You don’t get it!” he yelled. “Every time I look at you, I see all the things I’m failing at. I can’t afford distractions, not now, not ever!”

“So I’m just a failure to you? Is that it?” you shot back, your voice trembling with hurt and rage. “I thought I was someone you cared about, someone you loved.”

“I did love you! I do! But I can’t do this right now,” he shouted, his voice breaking slightly, betraying a hint of vulnerability.

“Love isn’t something you can just turn off, Bakugo! You don’t get to use me and then throw me away when it’s convenient for you!” you screamed, tears streaming down your face.

“I’m not using you!” he yelled back, but there was a crack in his voice. “I’m trying to protect you, damn it! From me, from this life, from everything!”

“By pushing me away? By treating me like I’m nothing?” you cried. “That’s not protection, Bakugo, that’s cruelty.”

“I’m doing what I have to do to be number one!” he roared, his fists clenching at his sides.

“At what cost, Bakugo? At the cost of everyone who cares about you?” you asked, your voice softening with sadness. “If you keep this up, you’ll end up alone.”

“Maybe that’s what I need to be!” he shouted, but there was a hollow ring to his words.

“Fine. If that’s what you want, then I’m gone,” you said quietly, turning towards the door.

Bakugo stood there, breathing heavily, watching as you walked out of his dorm. “Don’t come back!” he yelled after you, but the words felt empty.

You slammed the door behind you, the sound echoing in the hallway as you walked away, each step feeling like it was ripping your heart out of your chest.

as you went down the hall towards the elevator, you saw Mina try to rush down the hall. She also lived on the 4th floor and she heard everything “*name!*” she called out “what happened? One minute the 4th floor is peaceful then I’m hearing you two yelling! I think they even called mr aizawa!” She sounded panicked “we broke up.” You muttered “huh?” The pink haired girl asked “we broke up Mina, me and bakugo. We broke up.” You reiterated to her “you’re kidding…” she looked like she felt nothing but pity for you, pulling you into a tight hug. You sobbed into her shoulder as the reality sunk in…

the next day, aizawa pulled both you and bakugo aside.

“I understand you two have broken up, however I need you two to be civil. I can’t have you two yelling at each other during class time or during school hours. Keep your relationship problems out of school” the blunt man said in his usual gloomy voice “and with that, I’m changing your seating plan so you two don’t see each other.” He handed you two a piece of paper with the same exact seating plan, except you and bakugo were on opposite sides of the room.

“Tch.. whatever” bakugo grumbled and walked Into class, you stared down at the piece of white paper “yeah this is good” you nodded and also walked into the classroom, mr aizawa following behind you.

the tension in class was sickening, everyone had heard of your breakup and nobody wanted to say anything that would set you two off

minetas ugly ass turned around and faced bakugo with a grin “I heard of your breath up, females am I right?” “Shut the fuck up you purple bitch.”

[princessbrunette]

how would stepbro!rafe react if his friends were ogling you and making gross comments about how badly they want you when they come over to hang out with him 😳 he’d be so angry and torn between telling them they’re not allowed to talk about you like that because he’s your protective older stepbro orrrr taking you upstairs and letting them listen to why he’s actually protective over you

i luv this idea w s1!rafe because he’s got more of a temper n the whole thing just seems more icky <33

︶︶︶⠀𓏸𓈒𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི𓈒𓏸⠀︶︶︶

you were used to the stares from rafe’s friends — the ogling that wasn’t much different from the looks you received from your stepbrother himself. that distant look of amusement, the unabashed way they’d drag their eyes all the way down your body and back up as you speak — like you were a zoo animal behind glass. you barely noticed it anymore, the whole concept of ‘boys will be boys’ having been drilled into your head from rafe’s behaviour. after marrying ward, your mother had even noticed the way rafe looked at you, she’d even raised it with ward himself — who simply shut the whole thing down by telling her “hes a guy, honey. and… she’s a young girl walking around in a bikini i mean of course he’s gonna look. he just has to get used to the way things are around here. in no time, he’ll be seeing her as a sibling and treating her as poorly as he does sarah, trust me.”

but the looks didn’t go away, and with time you started to look back. enjoy his attention. to the point where you’d secretly end up on your back, with your big step brother ‘teaching’ you things that no other guy could, or would be allowed to teach you. your dirty little secret.

you knew rafe’s friends didn’t know — which surprised you, considering you thought rafe would jump at the chance to brag on something so pornographic. you figured they had suspected something was amiss with the two of you, from the way he would take any chance to put his hands on you to ‘mess with’ you, or from the way his eyes would drop to your ass when you’d walk away — but he hadn’t said a word, which to his friends meant it was free game.

after you’d walked out the room, having had a brief discussion with rafe about dinner plans — the eyes followed you until you disappeared into the hallway.

“shit, i nearly got up and followed her.” kelce fills the silence with a joke, causing the room of guys to erupt into laughter of agreement, even topper — the boy who prided himself on being the most ‘respectful’ slapping at his arm and nodding, chortling out something along the lines of “hey you said it not me!”

rafe chuckles himself, understanding the hype. you were smoking hot, and knowing he secretly had the girl they all wanted to himself filled him with a sense of sick pride. “yeah, alright.” he drawls, hoping to end the conversation there and then as he walks back around the couch and slumps down, chewing obnoxiously at his gum.

“you see the way that ass moves, man? shit i get hypnotised everytime she’s walking away.” another comments, followed by another chiming in with “hate to see her go, but love to watch her leave!” which of course had the room erupting into more laughter.

rafe got in his head pretty quickly after that. they were laughing, and not at you — at the idea that you were so easily accessible, and yet untouchable. perhaps they were laughing at the fact rafe wouldn’t be brave enough to make a move on you, due to the odds you’d been dealt — which couldn’t be further from the truth, but rafe didn’t enjoy the insinuation of disrespect. his smile slowly slid off his face, staring ahead, continuing to chew to curb that coke craving that his irritation fed him.

he feels a hand on his shoulder, some red faced try hard from the club that had tagged along back to tannyhill with barely an invite. he sucks in a breath of excitement, unable to continue what he was about to say through his laughter and rafe curls his lip up a little bit in disgust.

“bro, if that was my step sister… things would have got real pornhub in this house, i can tell you that for fr—” his words are cut off by rafe violently shoving the boy a little too hard off him, the guy crashing off the couch onto the floor. quiet falls over the group, now noticing rafe’s sudden change in mood. he doesn’t wanna seem too bothered, so he clears his throat and adjusts his polo collar.

“s’my fuckin’ stepsister you’re talkin’ about… alright? watch your mouth.”

the group decided to drop the topic after that.

︶︶︶⠀𓏸𓈒𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི𓈒𓏸⠀︶︶︶

[hyperions-light]

woAH I heard people are hating on Neve which is super cringe! Neve positivity time!!

I am in love with her because

1. She has an impeccable sense of fashion, she never misses, could make a paper bag look good

2. Docktown sucks so bad, like major Kirkwall vibes, and she loves it SO MUCH

3. If you give money to the people asking for it on the streets in Docktown, sometimes Neve will check in with them and make sure they have a place to stay it’s so sweet !!!

4. She cannot cook at all. Only eats fried fish. Boils her coffee. Zero domestic skills, completely perfect

5. She loves Bellara so much, she’s such a good friend ;-; She finds all her serials and helps her try to work out the mysteries! She gets her goat cheese! She comes to Cyrian’s funeral ;-;

6. If you wander around Docktown with her in your party you can stop and talk to her regular contacts and she will check in with them <3

7. She works alone because she’s scared that the people who try to help her will get hurt =(

8. She’s not afraid of Spite and she refuses to see Lucanis as a monster or treat him differently, even after he almost kills Illario.

9. She helps Taash figure out their gender stuff and she is so supportive and helpful <3

10. The WAY she talks to people who are hurting… like even though she’s so cynical, personally, she never tells people to give up on others, she’s never sarcastic or scathing when people are in pain. I took her on Taash’s final mission last time, and her voice ;-; She wanted to help so badly, but she couldn’t do anything. She reminded them that everyone was there for them. She loves SO much, so intensely.

11. She does not expect anyone to help her, and especially if you don’t save Minrathous she’s skeptical, but she’s so thankful for Rook’s help when they give it. She’s so fucking lonely, man! She thinks she has to do it all herself, because everyone else in the world and especially in Minrathous has shown her over and over that they don’t care about the people she loves, the people like HER. She’s not rich, she’s not famous or powerful or well-connected, she’s just using what she has to try and help people!

12. Manfred canonically doesn’t like nicknames, but he lets Neve call him ‘Fred

Neve Gallus, the woman you are <3

Edit: When I posted this someone immediately made some rude comment so here’s some more stuff to love about Neve Gallus!

13. She investigated the mystery of the candlehops and she was so serious about it! Just like the wisps in the Lighthouse!

14. When she was a kid she didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up and she HATED it lol

15. She got her best coat as a gift from a grateful client!

16. She keeps her tiny little apartment because they gave her a good deal on the rent and she doesn’t want to lose it

17. Halos keeps trying to give her fish for free but she insists on paying him <3

18. That joke she made to Lucanis about having an extra leg if he needed one lol

19. She misses the sound of the ocean, and sometimes when she wakes up in the Lighthouse she hears it for a moment

20. The way she explains everything so patiently to Taash about Tevinter and Docktown and the way status symbols work; the way she is always trying to use her skills to help the other members of the team!!

21. How she makes sure to check up on that kid whose father was doing demon summoning stuff and make sure that he’s alright ;-;

[works-of-fanfiction]

Just a Lousy Racing Driver || Pierre Gasly x Reader

Summary: Pierre shows the reader just how little he cares about her mother’s opinions of him.

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: 18+ unprotected sex, swearing, some badly translated French.

a/n: I have been writing this for weeks on and off because I’ve been strangely busy! Pierre is sort of an entitled rich boy in this, but we can forgive him. I’m not the best at writing smut but I hope you enjoy this regardless.

“My Mum hates you.”

“Good.” Pierre smirked, his hand wandering from your waist to your neck. Your back arched against the wall as you revelled beneath his touch, feeling his warm fingers lightly grip at your skin. He could feel your quickening pulse under his thumb which only encouraged him further. “What else did she say?”

His grip tightened on your neck as his spare hand pushed your hip harder against the wall. You gasped, his fingertips skimming your ear. “What did she say?” He repeated, running his thumb over your bottom lip. Your eyes fluttered closed momentarily as you struggled to gather your thoughts.

“That you’re a lousy racing driver – “

“And?” He leaned into you, pressing a lingering kiss to the skin just below your jaw.

“You don’t deserve the money you make.”

His laughter vibrated against you, making you squirm and clutch tighter onto his shirt. His mouth latched back onto your neck, kissing and sucking to leave a flurry of little red marks.

“The money I use to take care of her daughter?”

You could hear the smile in his voice as he pushed his knee between yours to separate your legs. You resisted the urge to jump up and wrap them around him, as you chose to savour every second he spent pressed against you, his hands and mouth exploring your body.

If any other man said that to you, you’d probably push him away and give him an earful for being obnoxious, but the terms were different with Pierre. Since your very first date, he’d completely spoiled you, showering you with gifts and surprising you with romantic gestures. He always made sure you had exactly what you wanted, as well as needed, and never let his girl miss out on anything. You weren’t exactly materialistic, but he insisted on pampering you and treating you to anything you desired, so how could you refuse?

Pierre’s pursuit of you wasn’t an easy one. He tried for months to get you to agree to a date, but you were stubborn to say the least. You’d heard of his reputation, and you had to be sure you’d be more than just another escapade before you finally said yes. He tried to charm you with the idea of lavish dates and expensive vacations, but you assured him you couldn’t be bought. You played hard to get which drove him crazy and only made him want you ten times more.

The truth is, Pierre was trouble; trouble you weren’t sure you could handle at first. You had the type of friends and family who’d always guessed your type from a mile away, but Pierre didn’t fit into the norm. He was a cheeky, charismatic F1 driver whose face was all over the media every other weekend. He was the kind of guy who only taught you the bad words in his language, so he could whisper them in your ear before each race and leave your mind reeling for Lord knows how many laps. As your mother had put it, he was bad news.

Pierre’s jeans rubbed against your thigh, the friction burning your skin and making your knees feel as if they could cave in. He released his grip on your neck, only to bury that hand in your hair and tug at the roots. “I suppose, for the sake of your reputation with your family, we shouldn’t be together.” He purred against your cheek, his stubble scratching you and hot breath fanning your ear.

“Perhaps we shouldn’t.” You spoke, finding the confidence to bring your hand up to his hair, pulling his head back so he’d face you. “But, how could you possibly risk losing me?” You leaned forward, ghosting your lips over his. He tried to steal a kiss but you moved back too fast, smiling at him.

“You are such a fucking tease.” Pierre groaned, enjoying the feeling of your fingernails against his scalp. He’d grown accustomed to having your hands in his hair, whether it was during cosy nights on the couch in front of the fire, or humid nights in hotels around the world with his face buried between your thighs. You certainly couldn’t deny your love of the latter.

Pierre overpowered you once again, grabbing the hand from his hair and pinning it above your head. He held it there with his left hand, gripping your wrist and pressing it against the wall. You wriggled beneath him, mostly on purpose to see how he’d react. You liked it when he was rough with you, restraining you and touching you wherever he pleased. Every piece of you belonged to him and you loved being able to satisfy his every need. He responded just how you liked, gripping harder and pushing himself as close to you as possible. You smiled, earning a knowing look from the Frenchman. “What do you want?” He asked, his free hand cupping your cheek softly, a stark contrast to his fingertips digging into your wrist above your head.

“J'ai envie de toi.” I want you. You whispered as he lifted your chin with his thumb, his gaze meeting yours.

“Hm? You have to speak louder, mon amour.”

Pierre liked to tease and make you beg, and you both loved and hated him for it. All you wanted was to throw yourself forward and kiss him, but his firm grip kept you from moving. Even so much as a twitch made him hold on tighter and raise a brow at you as if to question why you were challenging him. He was often in control, but was always focused on your pleasure before his own. The two of you had once spent an entire morning in bed, Pierre giving you a string of orgasms with his mouth and fingers until you physically couldn’t take it anymore. He’d carried you to the bathtub and washed you afterwards, your body feeling limp and admittedly rather sore. He took care of you like you were the most fragile thing on this Earth, and held you as you drifted back to sleep in his arms, still wrapped in your towel.

“J'ai vraiment envie de toi.” I want you so bad. You spoke up, Pierre’s lips hovering over yours. A smirk spread across his face, as he reached down with both hands to grab your hips.

“That’s better.” He turned you around, pressing you against the wall. Your cheek was cold against the wallpaper, but you barely noticed as Pierre’s hands hiked up your dress, leaving it bunched around your waist. “Shall I take my time with you? Or are you ready for me now?” He slipped his right hand between your thighs, two fingers immediately finding your clit through your underwear. Your body jolted forward and you tried to support yourself with your hands on the wall. Pierre let out a chuckle behind you, his left hand smoothing out your hair. “Do you want me, baby?”

“How many times are you going to make me say it?” You whined, desperate for him to touch you more and not just through your clothes. For a moment he considered teasing you a little longer, but he himself could not deal with the anticipation. Soon his jeans were around his ankles, and he palmed at his hard, aching cock through his boxers, his other hand clumsily tugging at your underwear. You reached down to help, but he grabbed your wrist and pushed your hand away.

“Leave them on.” He demanded, looking down at the thin baby blue lace he’d grown to love. You couldn’t remember exactly why they had become his favourites, but you took immense pleasure in wearing them beneath skirts and giving him a sneak peek in places you shouldn’t. You knew exactly how tonight was going to end when you crossed your legs with exaggeration at dinner, parting them just enough so he could catch a glimpse of the blue he loved so much. Pierre had to resist every urge to clear the table right there and bend you over it. He’d enjoyed the mental image of your body pressed against the wooden tabletop, your hair splayed out and sticking to your cheeks as he pounded into you, making the table legs shake as well as yours. He only wished the hotel room had a table just like it so he could act out his fantasy.

Pierre leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your upper arm. “Leave them on whilst I fuck you.” He whispered, pushing them to the side so he could get a better look at you. Your skin was flushed and slick with arousal, the sight making his cock twitch impatiently. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He said in awe, his middle finger teasing your wet cunt. His touch was needy, but still gentle. Your moans bounced off of the wall, echoing around the room and bringing music to Pierre’s ears. He loved the sound of you, whimpering and moaning for him to touch you, to claim you, to fuck you so hard you saw stars.

Pushing his underwear down, you felt his cock spring free and press against your ass. You whimpered, grinding your hips backwards to get more friction and to give your boyfriend a bit of a show. He looked down, his breath caught in his throat as he watched your hips draw circles against him. He loved that you weren’t shy, and you enjoyed this just as much as he did.

“This is what you want, hm?” He asked, wrapping his hand around his cock and pressing against you harder. You nodded, arching your back forward to encourage him.

“Don’t make me wait any longer.” You purred, reaching behind and ghosting your fingers over his shaft. Pierre’s eyes fluttered closed, the soft touch sending a cold rush throughout his entire body. He did as you asked, grabbing both your hands and pushing them firmly against the wall so he could get you into the perfect position. An excitable giggle escaped you, and he smiled as he dug his fingers into your hips and teased your eager pussy with the head of his cock.

He couldn’t wait a moment longer as he slowly pushed himself inside of you, his size stretching you out and filling you up. Your hands slipped down the wall, but he was quick to reach forward and grab you. Pierre linked his fingers with yours, carefully thrusting into you as you got used to the feeling. You closed your eyes and hummed in pleasure, the two of you making the same sound in unison. “You feel incredible.” He whispered, kissing your hair. You loved the mixture of rough versus gentle Pierre. It was no secret that the man knew how to fuck and have you screaming his name, but he also knew how to caress you, talk you through it, and make sure you were comfortable throughout. His soft kisses and careful words made your heart sing, and you swore you couldn’t love him more if you tried, yet you were proven wrong every day.

He kissed you again, a moan disappearing into your hair as he bottomed out inside of you. You gasped, feeling his hot skin against your ass before he drew back to then push straight back into you again. His hands latched back onto your hips, pulling you onto his cock as his movements grew faster. He looked down to watch, to see you wrapped around him so tightly, leaving his cock wet and glistening. You didn’t even have to see him to know he was enjoying the view, his fingertips digging harder into your skin as he grunted with every buck of his hips.

Pressing your hands firmly against the wall, you drove yourself up to stand straighter, reaching back to wrap your arm around his neck. His mouth immediately connected with the skin behind your ear, gentle kisses contrasting with the passionate, deep thrusts that had your heart racing and sweat pooling between your thighs. You gripped onto the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging lightly to encourage him. “Are you trying to be rough with me, baby?” He teased, his tone mocking yet in the sexiest way. “Because I can be rough if you want me to.”

Pulling away, you turned around to face him. Your faces were both flushed with desire for one another, and Pierre’s white shirt was slick with sweat. You started working on the buttons, your fingers trembling as you were well aware of him gazing down at you. He watched your hands, those dainty manicured fingers undressing him like they had hundreds of times before. He’d never get tired of surrendering to you and your touch, feeling your fingertips brush against his chest as you made your way down button by button. Since the very first time you’d offered to unbutton his shirt, he’d come to prefer it. To him, there was nothing sexier than watching you take your time with him, exposing as much of him as you wanted and studying his body with those pretty eyes of yours. He loved belonging to you, just as much as you loved belonging to him.

Finishing with the last button, you grabbed both sides of the shirt and pulled Pierre closer, standing on your tiptoes to reach his face. “Show me what you can do.” You whispered, earning a groan from your partner as he pulled off his shirt and guided the two of you towards the bed. As you walked backwards, you unzipped your dress and left it on the ground, and Pierre shook off the pants that were still wrapped around his ankles.

The backs of your legs hit the bed frame and you tumbled back, head landing on the mattress. Pierre grabbed your legs, hoisting them onto the bed in front of him, finally slipping the blue lace off of you. The sight of you with your legs spread and gaze fixed upon him drove him crazy, and he found it almost impossible to decide what to do with you first. Climbing onto the bed, he wasted no time plunging inside of you once more, making you gasp and your body twinge at the delicious pain of your pussy stretching around him. You wrapped your legs around him, using your feet to pull him closer and feel more of him. Pierre moaned, gripping your ankles and placing them on his shoulders.

He gave you a look as if to ask for permission and you nodded quickly, linking your ankles behind his head. He rolled his hips forward, his cock hitting you at a deeper angle. You tried to stay focused on his face, but you couldn’t stop yourself from squeezing your eyes shut as his thrusts quickened. Each of your staggered breaths overlapped one another as Pierre leaned down to connect his lips with yours. You opened your mouth for him, his tongue hot and desperate against yours as the sounds of your skin slapping together grew louder. With both hands on either side of your head, Pierre hovered over you, his thrusts slowing but growing more aggressive, the tip of his dick hitting that sweet spot inside of you every time. Your hands roamed his body as well as your own, every slither of skin scorching hot to the touch. He watched as your right hand edged towards the bottom of your stomach, fingertips toying with the idea of exploring further.

Lifting your hand to his mouth, he sucked on your middle and forefinger, running his tongue along the front of them. He released them with a quiet popping sound, and you admired how his saliva moistened your fingers. “Touch yourself, baby.” He coaxed, his hands returning to their former position. You followed his order as he dropped your legs back down to his sides so you could spread them more. You slipped your fingers between your folds, your body twitching at the first touch of your clit. You were sensitive, swollen, desperate for friction. Drawing circles, you moaned loudly as Pierre attempted to match your rhythm.

You threw your head back, eyes gazing at the ceiling as he continued to pound into you, his lower stomach clashing with the back of your hand. “That’s it, Y/N. Keep going.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your knee. You couldn’t find the words to tell him how good it felt, but he already knew. He could tell by the way your cunt clenched around him. It was almost like he could feel your pulse beating against his cock.

“Pierre, I - “ You stammered, forcing your head forward to look at him. He could see it in your eyes, how close you were. Your fingers moved quicker as his thrusts grew shallow, while remaining the same speed.

“Keep those eyes on me. I want to see you when you come.”

You used to feel nervous having Pierre staring down at you as you touched yourself. Something about it made you feel more exposed than anything else, and you’d often close your eyes or look down at your own hand to distract yourself. But that didn’t bother you now. You fixed your gaze on him, rarely blinking as you rubbed your clit quicker, applying more pressure with your fingertips, growing closer and closer. His name exploded from your mouth as you came, legs shaking and toes driving into the sheets below. Once your hand was out of the way, Pierre leaned down, his chest pressing against yours as he kissed every inch of your face and neck. With one hand cupping your face, and the other gripping your hip, he buried himself inside you and groaned as he came, his entire body stiffening then collapsing on top of you.

He pulled out and moved to the side so you could go clean up if you wanted, but you stayed put. A warmth dripped out of you and down your inner thigh, and you smiled at the feeling. Silently, with nothing but the sounds of your breathing in the room, you took Pierre’s hand and pressed it between your legs, letting him feel his own cum spill out of you. He made a sound that confirmed his agreement, that he thought it was just as hot as you did. The two of you laid there as you caught your breath, before turning to face each other. His face was flushed and pupils dilated, and you were pretty sure you probably looked the same.

“Je t’aime. No matter what.” Pierre whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you too. No matter what.”

“Even if your Mum hates me?” He raised his brows, making you giggle.

“Oh especially if my Mum hates you.”

[yujinslovr]

gp!yujin x fem!reader

warnings: smut, degrading, humiliation, bullying, sex in a public setting, facefucking, dub con, breeding kink, lmk if there's anything else!

genre: smut, literally js smut

synopsis: you had bullied yujin for as long as you'd known her, one day she finally had enough of it.

y/n l/n, the person yujin held the most hatred for. you had bullied yujin, for a reason unknown to her. she hated you so much, who were you to fucking bully her. always teasing her for being a virgin, for never having dated anyone. she wanted to fucking ruin you.

“hey yujin, still haven't found someone to stick your small dick in?” you asked with a giggle, surrounded by your friends. 

yujin wanted so badly to respond to the insult, but she knew she couldn't. not when she was in the school on scholarship and you were the principal's daughter. she had once made the mistake of insulting you back and ended up with a suspension. she couldn’t risk losing her scholarship, even if that meant taking your bullshit. knowing she couldn't respond, she opted to walk away, ignoring you. 

“hey ahn, i'm talking to you!” you said, grabbing her shoulder and turning her around. 

“you can continue your one-sided conversation, i'm not stopping you.” yujin said, pulling her shoulder out of your grasp and walking away. 

one day she would get her revenge.

yujin had stayed late at school tonight, opting to stay and study in the school library. on her way out of the library she saw you, all alone just standing in the hallway. the entire school was empty, everyone having left due to how late it was. because of the school being deserted you easily noticed that yujin was standing in front of the library. 

“still haven't found a girl willing to torture them self by having sex with you?” you called out to her. 

in that moment yujin saw red, she was so tired of listening to your bullshit. now that no one was here to back you up, yujin saw it as an opportunity, one to put you in your place. She stomped over to you, grabbed your arm, and dragged you to an abandoned staircase. 

“what the fuck?!” you exclaimed attempting to pull your arm from her grasp. unluckily for you, she was much stronger and in response to your attempt she simply pulled you closer. 

her hand dropped from your arm and went to grip your waist, barely an inch left in between you two. “why’re you always talking about me fucking someone? if you want me to fuck you, just say it.” yujin whispered into your ear.

“w-why would i wanna have sex with you, i bet you have a small ass dick.” you stuttered out, pulling away from her grasp, face flushed. 

instead of responding, yujin simply pulled down her pants and boxers, pulling her flaccid cock out. “still gonna say it’s small?” yujin said, a smug smirk on her face. 

your eyes widened at the sight, if this was her when she was soft how big was she when hard? your eyes couldn't leave yujin’s cock, genuinely wondering how she hid that monster. what you were staring at was at least 7 and 1⁄2 inches which you were sure was well above average. you could feel your panties dampening at the sight of the cock, your thoughts wondering. 

seeing your flustered yet surprised state made yujin’s smirk grow, she had no doubt that this was the last time you’d ever call her small. “still, dont wanna have sex with me?” yujin said, her voice dripping with confidence. you wanted to say no, you had too much of an ego to agree but you so badly wanted her. 

settling with shaking your head, you did so with your eyes still on her crotch. yujin decided now would be when she got her revenge so in spite of you shaking your head she reached her hand to your head and pushed you down to your knees. “hmm but i want you to suck my dick.” yujin said, holding her cock in her hand and tapping your lips with it.

you knew she wanted you to open your mouth but you refused to give her the satisfaction. seeing your resistance, yujin pushed her member further into your lips, spreading her precum on your lips. the whole act was incredibly degrading. you hated yourself for enjoying this, you didn't let your enjoyment display on your features though. you refused to give her the satisfaction.

as much as you didnt want to, you attempted to stand up, and seeing this yujin’s other hand went to your head, pushing you back down. yujin let go of her dick and used her hand to squeeze your cheeks together, forcefully opening your mouth. the force she put on your cheeks hurt but you refused to show it. with your mouth now open, yujin pushed her cock into it. 

you didn't show any resistance, simply letting it sit on your tongue. seeing that you weren't doing anything, yujin took it upon herself to use your throat. after all, you deserved this. she pulled out of your mouth and in one swift move she buried herself fully into your mouth. tears spilled from your eyes as you gagged and choked on her dick. you tried to pull away but her hand threaded in your hair stopped you from doing so, keeping you in place. 

and just like she was in, she was out. her grunts and your gags being the only things heard in the dark stairway. she continued thrusting into your mouth, using your throat as a fleshlight. there were tears streaming down your face, and drool leaking from your mouth. yujin almost came when she looked down at you, you were a mess. yujin thought you looked prettiest like this, a mess all for her. 

“how many– dicks have you taken down this— slutty throat of yours?” yujin said in between grunts. ‘none’ you attempted to say, but it was muffled by her cock being down your throat. It was true though, you were a complete virgin, you were saving yourself for marriage. “oh that’s right, you can't talk, not with your throat stuffed with cock.” yujin said condescendingly. 

oh how you hated her

as much as you did though, you could not deny the fact that your panties were currently soaked. your body moving against your will as you humped the ground desperately seeking friction. seeing this yujin laughed at you, “it turns you on doesn't it? me using your throat like this?” yujin said as she laughed on about your current state.

“does the bitch wanna cum?” yujin said in a baby voice accompanied by a pout, mocking you. 

you had never been in a more humiliating situation, you wanted to shake your head no. but your head moved of its own accord, nodding. seeing this yujin let out another laugh “aww, but only good girls get to cum.” yujin said, a pout following her words. she was very clearly mocking you but you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

hearing you attempt to say something, yujin pulled out for a moment allowing you to speak. “fuck you.” you spat out, holding her gaze. “good girls don't curse.” yujin gritted out, tugging on your hair hard, making you wince. “y’know, i was gonna be nice to you if you listened, but now that you're being a brat i guess i need to teach you a lesson.”

feeling that she’d come soon, yujin quickly increased her roughness and pace. soon enough, she let go. allowing herself to cum, letting out a spurt in your mouth before pulling out and painting your face with her cum. you wanted to spit it out, the taste of her cum being bitter and salty. you went to spit but yujin pinched your lips together, not allowing you to. 

“swallow.” and not having much of a choice, you reluctantly swallowed. 

thinking she was done with you, you went to stand up but were once again pushed back down. this time she pushed you all the way down, so you were now laying on the floor. “ew, i'm not laying on the dirty ass floor.” you said trying to get up. your attempt proved to be futile, ending with her pushing you back down. “maybe if you were good i would've given you something to lay on.”

much to your luck though, yujin wasn't heartless and flipped you over so that your head was no longer on the floor, and you were on your hands and knees. yujin reached for your skirt and pulled it off along with your panties. a string of slick connecting your core to your panties as she pulled them off. “fucking slut, getting off on me using your mouth.” 

yujin reached for your core, swiping two fingers through it. when she retracted her fingers she found them completely covered. she shoved her fingers into your mouth, forcing you to taste yourself. she moved her fingers around in your mouth, cleaning them with your spit before taking them out of your mouth. in one unexpected move, yujin fully thrust into you. you let out a scream at the intrusion, along with the pain of your hymen breaking. “shit, why is there blood?” yujin said as she saw the blood coming out of you. “im a fucking virgin dumbass.” you responded, annoyed and still in pain. 

“what the fuck?! then why do you always comment on me being one?” yujin said incredulously

“It's different, you have a dick.” you responded with.

your response only ignited the flame in yujin, once again filling her with anger. “fucking bitch.” yujin said, any sympathy she had for you along with the thoughts of going easy diminishing. almost right after she said the words she pulled out of you and slammed back in, not allowing you more than a minute to adjust to her size. 

“w-wait! i-it hurts, slow down!” you yelled out, the burn from her size intensifying with her rough moves. “deal with it, bitch.” yujin said in reply not slowing down for a second. 

it hadn't been more than a few minutes, but yujin could already feel the familiar tightening in her balls. this was her first time after all, and it was so much better than she ever would've imagined. your cunt was so hot and wet, your walls squeezing her evoking more pleasure than she thought possible. she broke out of her thoughts when she felt herself on the verge of cumming, remembering you. 

she slowed down, and brought two fingers to your mouth, shoving them inside. she allowed you to wet her fingers with your saliva and then brought them down to your clit. from all the porn she had watched she figured that this would help you get off too. when her hand came into contact with the small nub you let out the loudest moan she had heard yet. she started to circle it with her fingers while continuously pounding into you. 

she felt you tighten even more around her when she started to stimulate your clit, figuring this meant you might be close. yujin leaned over your body, panting into your ear, “I'm gonna cum in your tight cunt.” she breathed out. 

at this you started to panic, you never thought you’d have sex so you never started birth control. “i-im not on the pill, y-you can't.” you panted out half heartedly. of course you didn't want to get pregnant, but the thought of her cumming in you for some reason turned you on. “even better, the whole school will know that not only are you a slut, but that you're my slut.” this made you sob even harder, but your body going against your brain, clenched when she said those words. 

you heard yujin mutter out a few curses, at you tightening around her probably. “fucking whore, you’d like that wouldnt you? hm? want me to fill you with my cum? wan’ me to breed this tight pussy of yours?” yujin grunted into your ear, causing a moan to leave your mouth. you’d never admit it out loud, but you so desperately wanted her to do so. 

yujin’s pace increased, along with her fingers on your clit as she felt like she could no longer hold it. along with her, you were also approaching your edge faster, the more she stimulated you. with one last thrust, yujin buried herself deep in you, the tip of her long cock kissing your cervix. you moaned out at the feeling of her filling you with her cum, the warm liquid filling your insides. the feeling of her cum in you, sent you flying over the edge, cumming along with her. 

after emptying herself in you she slumped against your body causing you to collapse on the floor with her on top of you. she turned to lay next to you as you both stared at the ceiling, finally processing what had happened between you two. her now soft cock was still buried in you, stopping the mixed cum from exiting. 

after a few minutes of laying there, she pulled out (earning a moan from you), stood up and started to redress. “what happens if i get pregnant?” you said, your voice rough from all the screaming. “not my problem.” yujin said indifferently, picking up her phone and snapping a picture of you before throwing you her jacket. 

seeing her take a picture of you you quickly tried to cover yourself but it proved futile as she still got the photo. she turned her phone and showed you the photo “try to say shit to me again, i dare you.” she said waving her phone in your face, you trying to grab it. 

“fuck you.” you seethed, sitting up and covering yourself with her jacket.

she didn't respond, simply turning and walking away, leaving you alone on the empty dark staircase. 

[maxphilippa]

An Small Analysis Post On Lightbulb, Because I Hate How The Fandom Butchered Her Character As A Whole.

I'm making this post mostly as a reminder to myself To Not Hate Lightbulb because I actually think she's a pretty interesting character, but the way the fandom portrays her kinda ruined my interest for her.

The fandom's portrayal of Lightbulb ultimately just sticks to the nonsensical/silly aspect of her, which is pretty much what Lightbulb didn't want on canon to begin with. Interpretations and all that are understable, but I would like to just point out some things about Lightbulb. She's not just whimsy and sillyness and nonsense, her whole arc is about literally Toxic Positivity, Lack of Compromise, Lack of Leadership skills, Lack of Connection With Others and Unhealthy Copying Mechanisms.

Now Max, what the hell are you talking about? Well.

I personally think that Lightbulb is a genuinely good character. The way she copes with stuff really makes you see that she's really not doing great mentally. Of course, toxic positivity and sillyness may be her way to cope, because if no one sees her being vulnerable, they will never know what may hurt her the most.

I do think that she cared for Marsh in the same way Paintbrush did, but dare I say she also lacks emotional intelligence when it comes to comforting others or accepting those feels. Why talk about them seriously when you can just joke around and make them laugh about the issue? Of course that didn't happen.

Lightbulb has attachment issues, she doesn't want to be left alone, and she doesn't seem to be conscious over the fact that her attitude and way to approach others IS why she never truly got too many significant relationships at all until the very end, only for all of her friends to leave.

Having a "I don't care :]" attitude only did it so much worse for her on an emotional stand point because she ended up caring so SO badly for the remaining members of her group, and when her team was going down, she didn't know what to do or what to say at all. On late s2 she's actually getting the needs of her teammates and their struggles.

But I want to note something here. The reason as to why she "ditched" Test Tube so quickly on the alt dimension ep was because she thought that she found people that got her, people who were going through it but just wanted to keep thinking positively, and at the end of the day, that just doomed her. Because she realized that they weren't like that. She didn't find anyone that got how she felt.

You can only hide so much things with laughs and shenanigans and attitudes and addictions, before you realize that you have to own your mistakes and have to ACTUALLY TRY to be a better person.

Now, I don't think that Lightbulb meant things to go that way.

Thus all of these things are so much sadder when Fan and Test Tube get eliminated and Lightbulb is left alone. For the first time she ACTUALLY tried to let go off her unhealthy copying mechanisms and got close to people and lost them on the process. She lost all of her team because she didn't care seriously enough.

She's alone.

She doesn't like being alone at all.

So she's currently suffering the consequences of her actions.

And she doesn't like being alone.

Lightbulb struggles so SO much with having healthy relationships and healthy connections because she never was honest with herself at all. And when she realized that in order to be close to others, you have to grow and let yourself feel, it was far too late.

Her whole team is gone because of her lack of care for it and how she sucked at being a leader despite being an light to them, her unhealthy copying mechanisms indicate that she's been like that for a long time, and that the attitude she took was in order to cope with things feeling so so bad.

I really want to see what they'll do with her once s2 is back again. But for now, we can only hope so much.

[hyperfocuscentre]

i’m gonna make a statement and the sirius/severus fans might not like this one but…

sirius and severus are very much opposite sides of the same coin.

(before you continue, i would just like to suggest proceeding with caution as i will be mentioning topics such as abuse and bullying).

sirius grew up with wealth and privilege, severus did not. however, it’s heavily implied in canon that they both experienced some form of abuse whether it be mental or physical. gonna sight some sources because i’ve had people argue with me over that:

^ as shown above, we get a lot from sirius that suggests the way his mother’s portrait acts is similar to the way she acted in life (although presumably more extreme). furthermore, we get a direct comparison of harry’s childhood house to sirius’ from harry himself, implying there’s similarities in their treatment and the memories formed in these households.

it was actually much harder to find evidence for severus’ possible abuse, but there’s definitely signs of neglect. he was obviously poor, so his appearance might just be a reflection of that but the stuff about the arguing and his father’s distaste for everything does imply abuse.

^ as shown above, this is actually considered a form of emotional abuse.

ANYWAY, onto my original point! both sirius and severus do negative things, possibly as a result of this abuse:

- severus’ distaste for muggles, stemming from a young age, is arguably because of his father. he joins the death eaters and picks prejudice friends as a result. however, it’s also possible he joined the death eaters to feel powerful, considering it’s implied he’s felt anything but throughout his childhood (and also during hogwarts because of james and sirius). this, obviously, is an awful decision and cannot be justified but it’s always interesting to look deeply into the motives of morally grey characters.

- also, he rejects his surname and creates the title ‘half-blood prince’ which probably suggests bad relations with his father (or maybe he just wanted a cool name, although that’s not an argument that fits with my yapping).

- sirius similarly seeks power through his constant defiance: he becomes a gryffindor (there is some level of choice during the sorting, remember!), he completely opposes his parents beliefs and was probably only further motivated by their mistreatment considering he ends up disowned. additionally, he seeks out power through bullying in canon. it’s a well known fact that bullies maybe be acting this way due to bad situations in their home life.

arguably, these two guys are acting out in attempt to combat their shitty situations.

FINALLY, in adulthood these two guys seem to be heavily controlled by their past. sirius never got the chance to mature and grieve, stuck in a prison with creatures that literally sucked the happiness and positivity out of him. he was stunted, dealing with his grief and incapable of joining society. instead, he got trapped in his childhood home which was probably full of great memories!! (sarc) he remains impulsive and clearly still holds his childhood grudge against severus.

severus’ only purpose for living was avenging lily (i believe?). he joined dumbledore in attempt to save her, and then just continued to help him when he failed. he’s very clearly burdened by his mistakes and stuck grieving for his past friendship. adding onto that, he can’t let go of his anger at the marauders: he takes it out on harry, absolutely jumps at the chance to get sirius ‘kissed’ and blatantly despises remus.

i’m done! i’m not doing a conclusion because i hate those so… enjoy my badly worded ramble? please don’t be mean in the comments if you disagree!

[jasmine-the-fox]

Did she lie?

Okay, so... A29Z01 wrote this... for Halloween! And I hope you all... I wish i had art for this but I suck!!!

Enjoy the spooks!

WARNING!!! MIGHT BE A BIT GORY BUT THIS IS FOR HALLOWEEN SO YOU ARE WARNED!!!

Marinette sighed as she once more heard Alya and Lila gossiping about another lie Lila made. They had gotten into a subway train together much to her frustration but Mari simply did her best to tune them out until she can get off without them following her with Lila claiming something about Mari stalking her and knowing where they were going.

At one point, Mari notices something… “Writing contest?” she read the advertisement with curiosity… which led to Lila joining her “Oh a writing contest! Thinking of signing up Mari? You knew I know great and famous writers and helped some a number of times! I can get you in contact with some of them or help you if you’d like?” she offered but it pissed her off.

The second the train stopped she got up, bumped into Lila and glared at her “Only my FRIENDS call me Mari” before walking out as Alya rushed to Lila’s side “Your terrible Marinette!” she shouted but either Mari didn’t hear her or simply didn’t care, Lila was just about to cry and claim that Mari had badly injured her when she noticed something…

Right where Marinette had been sitting “What is that?” she quietly asked herself before moving closer to the seat while Alya was distracted with doing something on her phone. Lila was hoping it was something important to Mari that she could claim as her own and that Mari was claiming as her’s to steal and smiled as she picked it up.

It was… a manuscript… one that would change her life forever…

As she reads it, Lila began to hate it but… she thought it was familiar to her, but it simply made her certain that Marinette wrote it as she slipped it in her bag and went towards Alya to distract her. She looked up to the advertisement for the contest and decided to submit this manuscript as her own… then when Marinette finds out Lila will either cry that she was lying or force her to agree that she helped Lila to write it.

A few days go by when Lila get’s a call “Hello miss Rossi. I am calling to inform you that you have won the writing competition. To receive your award, you will receive via text an address. Please dress for the occasion for tonight” she was told before she hung up. With a smile she informed the class who minus Mari and Chloe cheered for her.

That night, Lila heads to an old theater where she would receive her award. To her surprise, she finds that all of the guests were wearing golden masks, she found it odd but decided to not pay any heed to it and tried to enjoy herself… but as time went on, she began to check the time… because the guests were oddly speaking about incidents, she knew very well about… because she made them happen.

“I heard about a girl who swallowed razor blades! Not only did she lose her ability to sing but she then hung herself!” one guest said which made Lila feel a chill go up her spine… because that girl only ate them because she forced her to before hanging her so she couldn’t tell anyone what she did. That girl was from Italy and as time went on…

She began to just want to leave and forget about her award…

Then… at long last, Lila was called onto the stage for her award. She smiled as she walked onto the stage as the guests applauded her. With the award in hand, Lila began to spin lies about the inspiration behind the story that gained her the award. To her surprise, the guests began to ask about the manuscript, the details, the scenario, the location and the characters, she tried to answer when the announcer spoke “Why don’t we talk about the author… Ricardo Arnando?” he asked which made her eyes widen.

Ricardo was a talented writer, he won many contests back in Italy which angered her… so Lila began to report that his stories were stolen to remove him from contests… and when he found out she simply pushed him off a construction site and claimed it as a suicide… while stealing a few of his stories before his parents could notice while they salvaged his reputation.

Now she understood why it looked familiar… it wasn’t Marinette who wrote it… it was Ricardo…

She quickly tried to lie and claim she wrote it… but guests began to call her out and revealed her past… one by one her actions were revealed which scared and angered her “THEN SHOW ME PROOF!!!” she shouted at the guests… and to her horror, they removed their masks… revealing them all to be her late victims.

All of the ghosts of the people whose life ended because of her were here “It’s my word against yours” they slowly chanted together, the very words she would say to anyone who tried to reveal her and perished in the end. She tried to leave but to her shock she was grabbed by strange shadowy hands, they began to pull her back towards where they came from… a dark dept of darkness.

She cried out for help, she quickly reaches out for the announcer in the hopes he would save her… but then he too removes his mask… and reveals himself as Ricardo “It’s my word against yours” he said just like the others were doing. She slowly gets pulled into the depts as she screams “I didn’t lie!” over and over again until the hands take her away… leaving the old theater in silence.

A few days later, police begin a search for Lila who was reported missing by her mother and the school as she wasn’t seen, but as time goes by, police collect body parts around Paris with papers and recordings of the truth about Lila and her crimes. Once a body is made from the parts… it get’s confirmed that it’s Lila Rossi, a funeral happens and with time the class minus Marinette and Chloe begin to suffer from bad luck and nightmares.

Years later, Marinette is in her studio. She has become a famous designer while her old classmates never got to live their dreams, some have contacted her in the hopes she could connect them with someone who can help them or send them some money but she simply ignores them.

One day she receives a strange email “Subject: Thank you for being the strongest and most determined of all? Weird” she said after reading the subject. She sees that the sender is letters and numbers and believes it’s her old classmates trying to get help from her once more, so she simply deletes the email without reading it, Tikki did look at the email even after it was deleted but once Mari calls for her, she follows her holder and leaves the room as the computer gets turned off.

But then… moments after the designer and kwami left… the computer turns back on…

Word office opens and a story much like what happened to Lila is typed out, then an email pops up and a folder is opened from it. It was a photo of Lila bloody and being torn apart not just limb from limb but flesh from flesh as she was missing an eye, multiple eyes were staring at her as an audio clip plays with laughter clear in the background as the sound of blood, tearing flesh and Lila’s screams “I DIDN’T LIE!!” is clearly heard… and then the screen goes black once more.

Marinette never saw any of that when she turned her computer on the next day. People do still wonder who killed Lila and revealed her crimes to Paris but no one dares to look into it out of fear. Because when police found Lila’s head… her mouth even though was stitched at the ends of her lips as if she was smiling… it was wide open like she died while still screaming… even without her eyes, teeth, tongue or hair…

[baeddel]

when i was a child i liked combat sports; i took martial arts classes (i forget which form) and i competed in fencing. i had to stop when i went to highschool because we didn't have time for it anymore. after leaving highschool i met a girl who did boxing and i planned to go and sign up at her gym to learn it with her, but i became too ill and it never happened. still, it had reignited my interest in combat sports and i would talk about it with people. i told one guy that i liked the look of Muay Thai; he expressed a common view, which was that martial arts like this sucked, because they were impractical in a real fight. he liked Krav Maga because it was real.

[long-ish post about fighting]

and i always objected to that kind of thinking! look here: it's true that much of the game which is played on the mat is produced by the restrictions placed on combatants. even in a very permissive sport like MMA, the great importance of ground fighting to that sport is produced by the restriction on fish-hooks and head kicks. thus, you can say that even these fights 'aren't real' in some sense. but how often are you ever going to be in a fight where you're willing to rip the other guy's cheek out, gouge out his eyes and so forth? Krav Maga was first developed for Jews to defend themselves from anti-semitic mobs in the 1930s. i know that some of you have certainly been in fights like that; but not all fights are that existentially serious. even in fights where there is such a high level of emnity there are often factors which restrain the fight from becoming an existential one. if you live somewhere that fascists are embedded and you blind one of theirs in a fight you might expect retribution; likewise you would be guilty of a felony and might get in real trouble. apprehensions like this might stay your hand—and already you are engaging in a kind of combat which is to some extent governed by extra-martial rules that produce a to some extent artificial situation.

of course, some martial arts will be more useful to know in the kind of combat games you are likely to play even so, and Muay Thai has not suddenly become more useful than Krav Maga on the basis of what i said. but i think that it is common to 1. underestimate the usefulness of even highly artifical combat sports, like fencing, and 2. overstate the utility of various 'self-defence' techniques, especially blinding, because the artificial, rules-governed nature of real fights is forgotten.

on point one, i would always credit my fencing experience with my success at fighting in highschool. i would sometimes even adopt the pose—one hand back, foot pointed forward—and people would (jokingly) say, 'it's [her] style! [she's] the fencer!' this part was not really useful; these fights were between friends and featured no emnity; we wanted to entertain the crowd, so there was a certain amount of kayfabe. but we were teenagers and behaved badly; once blows began we really hurt each other, and i even sent a few kids to the hospital (one with a concussion and the other with a wounded leg). plus, secret feelings of jealousy and resentment could be awakened during the course of the fight, so more emnity was felt as the fight grew more serious. what i thought really helped me from all the fencing matches was simply the sparring experience. when another living person attacks you without relenting, watches your movements for openings, and tries to stop whatever you do to them, it's difficult not to be overwhelmed and confused. being able to keep a level head, comprehend the situation and make decisions in the moment gave me an advantage over less experienced friends.

on the second point, i had older male friends who gave me a lot of advice that i can now recognize was plainly bad advice. for example, a girl i had a crush on had an older brother who always gave me and her other friends a hard time. i hated him so much i wanted to do something about him. so my friend told me that when fighting a larger and stronger opponent, i should do this... and this... a lot of techniques that had i really gone and done it would have left him permanently blind and disfigured. how do you think my crush would have felt if i went and did all that to her brother? these 'real' street fighting techniques were not useful in a real fight—a fight with stakes proportional to my real situation. when i did end up in situations with existential stakes (you know the stories) these techniques did nothing for me, since i would be alone against multiple attackers, or the other guy had frightening connections, or there was an asymmetry of power (who teaches 'defense against a guy in a car'?). in all cases the only wothwhile advice i ever got was this: you cannot run away in high heels.

similarly, when we had our low-stakes fights at school, the crowd would call out for me to punch the other guy in the face, or to kick him when he was down. afterwards they were disappointed that i didn't 'really go for him.' all this kind of talk really got to me; i would be standing there, facing my opponent and saying to myself, 'do it! do it!' in the end i never punched anyone in the face or tried any kind of dirty fighting at all. for this i hated myself so much. i was furious with myself; i would sit down and be angry at myself for a long time. i considered myself a coward and a weakling because i wouldn't go 'all in.' i didn't 'have the guts.' actually, what i felt was compassion for another person, and it was not a contemptable restraint at all. what was i trying to do—what was i trying to become? i think this is a way you can be misled by the discourse around 'real fighting.'

[bluestarjay]

Plasma is so loser bf x princess bf, and like,, I think we know who's who, even though they're both definitely losers. I see a lot of polyninja, a lot of lava, and a lot of bruise, but not enough plasma!!! They're so underrated,, here's some early show plasma for the soul 😎

When they first met, they hated each other. Wu had Jay, Cole, and Zane just, like, attack him out of nowhere! Obviously, it was for the test,,, but all Kai had gotten out of it were 3 annoying rivals. And the blue one? His first thought when he asked about his sister was, "Is she hot?" He was annoyed. His job was to protect his sister, and yet she was in the hands of some damned skeletal villains. How had he failed so badly?

Even though he had insisted that he wouldn't become a ninja, that it was just to save Nya, he had found a home at the monastery. He knew it was necessary to stay and help defeat Lord Garmadon. He had his sister and 3 annoying friends. But that was more than he could say he had before.

The most annoying of them was definitely Jay. He never shut up, and he was kinda dumb, but at the same time, he was brilliant. They had shared stories of how Wu had found each of them, and Jay mentioned a failed flying machine. Apparently, he lived in a junkyard and had grown up building things, which was pretty cool. He knew they were similar in that aspect. He, too, grew up creating things, and he was well aware of the patience and skill required for it. Jay, of course, was a whole lot smarter than him, considering that Kai never went to school, and Jay had been homeschooled for the past 12 or so years by his parents, who also happened to be incredibly smart. But considering how much of a genius Jay was, to be able to invent things with a reasonable chance of success, as well as the other artful skills he had mentioned, he lacked common sense. And it pissed the hell out of Kai.

After many months of getting to know the other ninja and a few encounters with Lord Garmadon's son, Lloyd, he could definitely say the other ninja had grown on him. Zane tended to be a pushover and always took things too seriously; he always mother-henned them when they got injured. He was kind, though. Cole was kind of a slob. He wasn't really one to say anything, though, as he was too, but sometimes it was like Cole was another breed. He was way too strong for him, too, so training with him always sucked. Jay wasn't any less annoying, but he had gotten used to nervous ramblings and pessimistic panicking in the face of danger. Seriously, he was a ninja! How was he gonna help save Ninjago if he couldn't handle spiders? But he should probably give him more credit. He was a pretty sheltered kid, living in a trailer in the desert. He had started to cling to Kai when it got too cold, since he wasn't used to the cold weather. At first, Kai thought it was annoying because all he had to do was grab a jacket. But then Zane started to do the same, and it became common to have Jay and Zane sit on either side of him when they played video games so they could bask in the heat he radiated. Honestly, he preferred just having Jay next to him than Zane. Only because Zane was too cold, even for him!

At one point, he noticed that what had been a simple, fleeting crush on Nya had become love for Jay. Jay was in love with Nya. His sister! The thought of it made his stomach ache, and he knew that he wouldn't let Jay go out with his sister, no matter what. Hell, he'd rather let Nya go out with Pythor than Jay!! And it wasn't necessarily anything against Jay. He just didn't want one of his best friends to date his sister!

But they went out anyway. To Mega-Monster Amusement Park?? When they were on a mission there?? He hadn't even given permission!! And then Jay unlocked his true potential because of Nya!! He wanted to be happy for them, truly, but he couldn't find it in him. He didn't know why, but he felt nauseous seeing Jay's glowing form next to Nya, hearing her say, "I like you best when you're you!" Well, no shit! Anyone could've told him that! A voice deep inside his head tells him *he* should've helped Jay unlock his true potential.

Another several months go by, and they've since had to deal with getting Lloyd adjusted to his new life as a teenager and the green ninja. He had a huge role to take, and he felt bad. In those few months, he had come to think of Lloyd as a brother. He was stupid to think he had a chance at becoming the green ninja himself. It was always meant for Lloyd. He knew it made sense; his role, no matter what, would be to protect his younger siblings. He's noticed that as Nya takes on her passion for engineering or mechanics or whatever the hell it is, Jay had worked on his own stuff less. And then when Pixal had joined, maybe he just felt useless? They already had people to take care of fixing their mech and vehicles, and his lightning was useful, but not really for the day to day mechanical jobs Jay tended to help with. He knew this because he tended to watch Jay sometimes. Not because he was being creepy or liked him or anything, obviously! But Jay was the kind of guy who needed some help sometimes. He noticed that Jay was a lot more restless without having stuff to do, so he bounced his legs, which got annoying because it shook the table or his feet tapped the floor a bit too loudly. Sometimes, he'd start drumming on the thing closest to him, which, again, got annoying real quick.

One time, when it was just the two of them, Jay started bouncing his leg and looked really anxious, and kai thought that maybe it was because Nya was fixing something in the next room over, and the clacking of metal and whatnot could be heard. "You good, man?" Jay stopped almost immediately and turned to look at him. Kai had several thoughts about Jay's hair, how it was almost definitely curly, but being straightened every morning. At the time, it had been raining, so even though Jay's hair wasn't quite curly, it was frizzing up and didn't look very good. And to think he made fun of Kai for having damaged hair!! Jay forced a smile, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. "Yeah, of course! Why wouldn't I be?" "I don't know, you've been shaking your knees like crazy, and you look half dead. Is it the rain messing with your powers? Or Nya?" Jay flushed and looked confused. "It's kind of the rain. Why- why would it be about Nya?" "Uhh well, she rejected you, didn't she?" Jay looked away from his eyes. "And she's taken over your role as the 'smart one' or whatever. She's out building and fixing things, and you feel like we don't need you anymore. But we do. Dude, you're so fucking smart and you don't even know! I didn't even go to school, you know? If you keep bottling everything up, you're just gonna end up hurting someone and probably yourself." Jay looked back at Kai, tears building up. Knowing him, he'd probably just start getting super defensive. "Dude, you just took that whole conversation from 0-100 right there, like, you aren't wrong, but where the hell did you get all that from?? And me and Nya, we just decided we were better off as friends, it's fine. I genuinely don't care all that much, Nya's really cool, and I'm fine just being friends with her! But she's been hiding out with Pixal, and every time I ask if she's got anything she needs help with, or if she's got something for me to do, she insists that they've got it! And I would totally just work on my own thing, but I can't because they're always in there, and it's awkward! Because what I've been doing my whole life, Nya has picked up in the past few months! And now they don't need me, and I feel useless!" As tears silently streamed down Jay's face, Kai wrapped his arm around Jay and pulled him towards his chest. Usually, he wouldn't do this for someone unless it was Nya or Lloyd, but he loved Jay.

He *loved* Jay.

Holy shit was he in love with Jay???

Ughhh, this was so bad!!

He's in love with the boy who was in love with his sister!

They might’ve been just friends, but that was still weird, wasn't it? He'd definitely have to talk to someone about it,,, He looked down at Jay, who was still tucked into his chest, and oh wow, even though his hair was straightened every single morning, it was really soft! Jay had by now stopped crying and let out a long breath. He looked at Kai and smiled. Had Jay always had a scar on his lip? He wondered how he got it. And were those lichtenberg scars on his shoulders; and beginning to creep up his neck? And his eyes, they were entirely brown, but his left eye was partially a deep, dark brown compared to the lighter chocolate color of the rest.

"Kai?" Uhh yeah?" "Thank you."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I quit my retail job on black Friday?

I, 16(non-binary), have worked at a craft store for the past few months. For the most part I really enjoy my job, and work there with one of my friends. The issue is my manager, 35(f), who is not the best. I don't want to speak badly of her, as I don't know what she might be going through outside of work. However, her behavior has been just unprofessional and rude. She texts with many, many grammer errors to the point where half of her messages are borderline illegible. When I first joined, I wasn't trained properly by her. I was honestly not really trained at all, just sort of tossed onto the cash register, despite this being my first time working retail. Alongside that, there have been a few incidents between me and her. A notable one was when I called out for work due to some physical disabilities I have. I'm diagnosed with POTS syndrome, and AMPS (Amplified musculoskeletal pain syndrome.) My manager is aware of this, and one day I called out because the physical pain I was in made it difficult to walk. Both my mom and my doctor advised me to stay home, so house before my shift, I called the store and told her I wouldn't be able to come in. She berraded me on this and told me that if this happened again, she would have to 'stop scheduling me for shifts' or fire me. I do work in an at will employment state, so this is legal. It just kinda sucks. The assistant managers were more than understanding as to why I had to call in sick, and honestly, those assistant managers are why I haven't put in my two weeks yet. The next time I came in for work, my manager was extremely sick, I even had a customer complain that she coughed on them. The manager then told me that "She was here, even though she was sick." The way she said it felt like an attack on my absence to my previous shift, and honestly really hurt.

Now here comes the part where I might be the a-hole. Black Friday is tomorrow, and I'm scheduled from 2-9:30. This is fine. the only issue is we have a huge snowstorm on its way. (Actually, it's already started and is snowing where I am.) My mom is my main form of transportation, and if she isn't able to take me to work, I take an Uber. My mom also works as a 911 dispatcher and has told me that worst-case scenario, she could get snowed into work tomorrow because of how bad the roads are expected to be. This has happened before, and if this were to happend state patrol would advise her, and everyone really that it's not gonna be safe to drive. So I'm preparing to call out for work tomorrow, which I know my manager is going to hate, as she's drilled me and other employees on the importance of showing up tomorrow, despite the snowstorm. Depending on her reaction, I might honestly just quit on the spot. Would I be the a-hole if I did this?

What are these acronyms?

[issybee06]

Because…

Part VI

Warnings: drinking, smoking, stab wounds, fighting, badly written fight scenes so sorry, blood, vomit, crying, children in adult situations, arranged marriages, Hiruzen being useless, Danzo hate, dysfunctional political figures, slow burn, Kakashi and his stunted emotions, canine traits Kakashi brain rot cause who doesn't want that? family issues, longer chapters, trying to make longer chapters, cousins fighting, bastard discrimination

Mamihlapinatapia

(n.) a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin

………………………………………………………………………….

As children, the concept of a ‘crush’ was so innocent. It was a sweet thing, something adults gush over if they ever find out, something your friends teased you about as they try to push you in the direction of the person you fancied.

It was innocent. 

You’d make love notes, buy little treats or toys, and leave them on your crushes desk when they weren’t looking. Then you’d park over at them all day, hoping by some miracle the crush would instantly know you were the one to bring them the gift, even if you never signed it.

Kakashis desk was always littered with gifts or cards the one year he was at the academy. He was cool, and little girls would gather to watch him practice or spar. It could make one flustered, how good he was. It was was almost unnatural how amazing he was. No bloodlines, no special clan gift, just him.

As a child, I always wanted to talk to him. Our parents were friends, I wanted to be his friend too…but he looked right pass me.

I wasn’t the best student. I struggled at taijutsu, my fingers would get twisted if I tried to do a hand sign, and when I got scolded I would tear up. No one in the Capital yelled at me, I was a Princess, (Y/n)-Hime, but here I was just a regular kid. Titles, clans and such didn’t matter to children at that age. Sure, it made you look cool, but if you weren’t rising through the classes and being the best you soon got dumbed as a loser.

I wasn’t the worst student, Obito was levels behind everyone, Anko goofed off so much she got a bad reput but was smart when she applied herself, and Gai couldn’t even use Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, but it was humiliating because of who I was. What I was.

How could the granddaughter of Senju Tobirama, the man who created most of the Justus known, suck at being a shinobi?

I never wanted to be a Shinobi.

I was happy living in the capital and being doted on like a princess, learning how to sit and eat like a proper lady, wearing beautifully crafted kimonos and yukatas, and reading history books in the gardens without any fear of being attacked by an enemy.

I had felt betrayed when my mother left me in Konoha, leaving me to become something I wasn't. I wasn't like the children at the academy, I was years behind.

Kushina, my mother's distant cousin, saw me struggling and took me into her care. I had been living in the Senju mansion by myself the first year I came to Konoha, and after Kushina started tutoring me after my academy classes I began to stay at her apartment.

Little by little my stay at the mansion became less and less, and soon the room I had called my own held nothing of me…and I left the house.

Kushina said she saw herself in me, having also come from a different land and struggled in the academy. She had Mito-sama, and I had her.

………………………………………………………………………….

I stay under the shade of the tree, leaning against it as I watch the academy kids run around and play. My arms were crossed, and I frowned slightly as I watched the little blonde-haired boy sit by himself again. He sat on the swing, dragging his feet on the dirt as he pushed himself, toeing the ground. It was cold out, yet he was barely wearing anything. I frown more, leaning into the tree. Gotta remember to buy him a scarf…

“Youre not supposed to be here.”

I look over, eyes softening slightly, “Hokage-sama…”

He smiled, walking closer to me with his hands clasped behind his back, “if I remember correctly, you're supposed to be looking over the new genin files for your first students.”

I huff, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jacket. I frown as he speaks, slowly loosing motivation to listen.

“…I have other stuff to worry about, I can’t babysit preteens right now.”

“Oh? And that would be? Forgive me, Y/n-hime, I’m old and my memory seems to fail me.” He was teasing me, and I sigh as I push myself off the tree and follow him as we walk away from the academy.

“…I can’t take care of kids right now, I have my assignment to do. Kids will only push my deadline back more and cost more lives to be lost because I’m not working on an antidote.”

“You have an apprentice, yes?” He asks, and I huff. I roll my neck, my tired eyes looking over at him as he faces forward, “Setsuko is smart, but she can’t do it on her own.”

“Ito Setsuko, the laxative creator in the Chunin exams, yes?”

I snort, feeling a bit proud of the teen for being recognized, “yeah…she’s a good kid, but she’s not ready for such a big task, Hokage-sama-”

“Hiruzen. I raised you for a good amount of your life, your mother too, I think we’re familiar enough for you to not need to call me ‘Hokage-sama’.”

My expression softens slightly, taking him in. I knew he still felt bad for not being a better father figure to my mother, not helping her when she was denied as Senju clan head, not and he was trying to make up for it through me. It was sad.

“Hiruzen-Jii…Setsuko isn’t ready to do an assignment this important yet…I’m not ready to take on students…can’t even take care of my Senseis own kid. ” I spoke softly, kicking a rock as we continued to walk through the village. His expression droops, and I could hear him swallow slightly.

“…you know why you can’t take him in, Y/n-hime.”

“No, no I really don’t…explain it again for me?” I snip, and I instantly felt like a child again waiting for my mother to come home for the holidays only for her never to show.

He looks over at me, and my chest clenches at how old he really looked. The lines on his face didn’t suit him, made him look so much older than he actually was. The wars, the village, so many people either dying or leaving seemed to age him.

He sighs, “…having you take him in will draw too much attention on him…he must remain unknown to our enemies outside the village.”

“Yet him being alive gains him ones in the village…” I hiss quietly, and my hands clench in my pockets; balling so tight my nails pricked my skin.

“…I can’t control what the civilians think-”

“But you could help him out a bit!” I hiss, “do something so that he isn’t suffering!”

He frowns, “…if I could, I would.”

I scoff, rolling my eyes at him. Years ago, I would never dream of scoffing at the Hokage, but now I couldn’t seem to care.

“…he’s a child.”

“He is Minatos child, which makes him if discovered in danger.” he speaks in a hushed, but firm tone.

I clench my jaw slightly, holding my tongue. He was Kushinas son too, her baby, and someone I swore to protect. Back then I didn't fight back when the council refused to let me take him in, always ready to follow orders, but now I felt the need to take him home and care for him.

I could put a second bed in my room, get rid of my desk, and make do with working in the kitchen if I had to. Genma would complain at first, but he too cared about Naruto even if he never voiced it. I would buy parenting books, toys, and anything else the kid needed to get by. I'd care for him like Kushina cared for me…and the council knew that I'd do it.

Would they though? No, absolutely not. Bullshit reason after bullshit reason, nothing that actually gave me a real reason why I couldn't take care of the little boy.

“…if I took him in, no one would touch him. I'd make sure.” I spoke softly, not looking at the disapproving face he was giving me right now.

“Oh yes, because you're not in constant danger yourself for your bloodline?” he pressed sarcastically, and I rolled my eyes again.

“Something I have to live with, all clan heads have to live with, its not just me. Just two years ago the Hyuga heir was kidnapped and almost killed.”

“Yes, and we almost went to war again for it. Now imagine if it was Naruto, we could start a whole new shinobi wa-”

I glare at him, stopping in the street, “if I was watching him, there wouldn't be a chance!”

People were looking. Of course, they were, its not everyday the Hokage graces the streets on foot, but someone yelling at him? Especially the bastard heir of the Senju clan? This was shocking.

He stayed firm, and I could see by the little movement of his hand he was telling his Anbu to stand down.

Yeah, like I'd kill the Hokage. I snorted at the thought, and stood straight. He huffed at my nature, speaking lowly, “…remember your place, (Y/n).”

I shoot him a glare, and bow lowly, “…forgive me…Hokage-sama.”

I jump up, landing on the roof. Three Anbu were lurking there, and hand stances ready to strike. I saw the spiky stuffs of silver hair behind the familiar painted dog mask, and knew that her was glaring at me. Cursing me out in his head.

I huffed, rolling my eyes before stuffing my hands in the pockets of my oversize TI jacket.

“At ease,” I side eye them, walking along the roof with a click of my heals, heading back to the TI building to hide away in my cave.

………………………………………………………………………….

“Are you fucking crazy?!”

I don't raise my head from my work, the dropper steady in my hand.

“Knocking would be most appreciated.”

“I should knock sense into you! Threatening the Hokage, (Y/n)?! In public?! You are crossing too many lines?!”

I spin around, glaring at Kakashi from behind my safety goggles, “I want threatening him, I was speaking to him.”

He glared, both eyes on display. The red glow of the gifted eye seemed to drown him, fighting off the dim glow of the blue luminous poison in my dropper. Such opposites we had become.

“…i can't prote-…I cant spare you if it comes to the Hokage's safety, (Y/n).” he growled, and I raise my chin at him.

“I'm not a threat to the Hokage, Hatake-san. Now, if you'll excuse me…this is a private office.” I turn away from him, a stupid decision if he was actually trying to do me harm.

Quietly, almost unheard, was the sharp inhale from him. I never, never, had used his last name to address him, even when we weren't talking for years at a time. He was always Kakashi to me, never anything else.

He leaves after a beat, and the air is cool again. I sigh, pushing my work to the side to lay my head in my arms. Nothing was the same anymore, nothing made sense. Not that it ever did, nothing was sane or normal when you're a bastard of two highly regarded clans of two highly regarded villages.

Nothing made sense.

The chunin exams, Kushina said, were the biggest event for a young shinobi, bigger than becoming a Jonin. Jonin can be promoted at any time, chunin only gains their rank after proving him or herself to not only the Hokage but multiple other Kages and feudal lords.

Gai was practically buzzing after the first round, the written exam, and even more giddy after we got our of the Forest of death after running into team Minato. Now, he was off the wall bouncing for beating Obito in the 1v1.

I felt bad for Obito, Gai was known for kicking pretty hard and Obito seemed to have received full force. His jaw was bruised, goggles kicked off as he pathetically leaned on the railing with Kakashi and Rin. But I couldn't worry about him right now, not now when names of people were being called and the gnawing anxiety of my name not being called made my heart twist and constrict.

I jumped when a hand fell onto my shoulder, “ You’re doing it again.”

I stopped the assault on my nail beds, and looked over my shoulder at Genma. In two years of being on the same team, I had grown closest to him. He could read me like the easiest open book, understand me like a second language. He knew I was nervous…why I was nervous.

It was normal, even in war times, for Genin from other villages or nations to compete in the same Chunin exam. What made me so nervous was on the other side of the sparing platform was my cousins from Suna…cousins who didn’t quit care for me all that much.

“Calm down…it’s a 1 in 1 million chance you’ll have to fight one of them-”

“It’s still a chance.” I breath, my breath coming in short gasps as the names on the screen began to raffle. 1 in 1million, I tried to remind myself, but fait had hated me since birth.

“The next spar will be Senju Isuzu of Konoha, against Ryōichi Satoshi of Suna.” The proctor announced, and I felt my face turn green as my stomach churned uncontrollably.

Satoshi, my Aunt Hachis oldest son, hated me since my birth for dishonoring the Takamori clan name. Hatred most likely fed by my aunt, who disliked me just as much as my mother.

I walk down the balcony to the stairs, passing team Minato. Rin gave me a thumbs up, unknowing of what I was getting into. Obito winced at me, and Kakashi gave me the same uncaring look he always gave.

“Good luck, (Y/n)-chan! You’re gonna do great!” She spoke with her kind smile, and I couldn’t snap at her. She didn’t know, how could she know she was praising me just before my own death?

I gave her a little smile, and walked on.

Nearing the entrance, Satoshi was leaning on the wall, waiting for me.

“…jūkei.” I greeted softly, and he huffed. He stood off the wall, next to me as we walked in, “don’t go crying to your father after I beat you into the ground, Yaro.” He spoke lowly, his angry purple irises narrowed at me.

He walked ahead of me, getting in his stance. I walked to mine, my breath in short pants as my throat felt dry and full of water all at the same time.

“…Will you fight me as a bastard, or as a Takamori?” He asked, reaching into his back pocket. I swallowed when he pulled out a blindfold, one with the Takamori clan symbol on it. Even since my grandfather, Takamori Akifumi married the priestess Kazema Naoko, their descendants have practiced the Kazema clan fighting style of relying on your minds eye.

Cover the eyes, see from your third eye or something stupid like that. The Kazema is what made the Takamori clan different from other animal summoner clans, yet the Kazema clan is forgotten.

I swallow, following his lead. I bring down my headband over my eyes, and all goes black…until color. I couldn’t see him…I could feel him. His chakra, his smell, the sound of his heartbeat and the small shifts in his stance. Block out one sense, and the others are amplified. 

“And…BEGIN!”

He was running towards me, I could hear him and feel his angry Chakra nearing me. As he went to throw his punch, I dodged, and pulled out a kunai to stab his leg. He grabbed my wrist at the last second, kneeing me in the chin.

I groaned, jumping back. I felt blood in my mouth, my lip split from my teeth being forced to bite.

I could hear him snort, “damn…Konoha has taught you shit.”

I glare, pulling out another kunai. He pulled out his own, and lunged at me. I rolled on my back, and rabbit kicked him away from me before flipping up and meeting his kunai. I couldn’t see it, but I knew he was glaring at me. He pushed against my kunai, backing me up to the wall.

I pulling out another, and swung, but was met again with another kunai, “come on, (Y/n). Fight. Back!”

I step against the wall, and use my chakra to keep myself stuck to the wall before kicking his jaw and jumping back. He snarled, throwing a kunai at my head before following me up the wall. I dodged again, dropping low to sweep his leg but he saw it coming, up over me and landing, swinging his kunai at my exposed head aim to kill.

I grasped his wrist before he could deliver the finishing blow, and using one hand weaved the sign for Katon.

I felt his chakra spike in fear, and he quickly ripped his wrist away and jumped back to great a mud wall to block the fire ball.

I followed the smoke, jumping over the wall with my kunai at the ready in high in both hands above my head. He sees me and rolls away, causing me to plunge the kunai into the wall and embedding it. It would take too much time for me to pull it out, so I left it and pulling out another to attack.

He roared at me, sharp canines exposed as if ready to plunge into my throat as he swings a kunai at me. I block, and bare my own canines, I would not be intimidated and belittled by a spoiled little bitch.

He took an opportunity, punching me in the jaw. I stumbled back, and lost my footing and my chakra gave out in my feet. I gasped, falling back into the mud wall he made. I coughed, wind knocked out of me.

“This is child’s play, a joke! You, a Takamori and a Senju can’t even fight?!” I hear him crouch down, and his hands began weaving, “you dont deserve to live, Yaro, a disgrace. KAZE NO YAIBA!”

My eyes behind my head band widen, and I roll fast to stick back on the wall. He was going to fucking cut me in half, the psycho! I thought at I hear the rock split and the broken half fall and shatter on the sparring platform. I turn my head back to were his chakra was, standing up from my crouched position. It was no use yelling at him for almost killing me, he was trying to and I knew.

He ran towards me, dragging the Kaze no yaiba along the wall and splitting it. He wasn’t strong enough to control such a Justus, and I couldn’t believe my aunt or anyone else on my father’s side of the family would allow him to learn it so young.

We are 8…8 year olds trying to kill each other to appease our families and villages. I thought with a sickening feeling in my stomach as I jumped to dodge his swing of the wind sword. I land behind him, and run up the wall to create some distance.

I wince slightly, feeling pain in my side. I look down, seeing he managed to get a hit on me. I keep my hand on the wound, trying to ignore it.

I was going to run out of chakra if I continued this game of cat and mouse while using my chakra to stick to the wall. I was going to die. I slide, grabbing a hold of the kunai stuck in the wall and sound around to hold myself on it. If I could lessen how much time I spent using my chakra to stick to the wall, I could use it for bigger attacks.

I pull my water bottle out, and pop it open and chug it. To use a water jutsu, you needed a large body of water to hold the jutsu. I didn’t not, in fact, have a large body of water but I could make do with this.

But I had to keep him away first.

I gather my chakra, turning it to wwater in my mouth, then shaping it to a senbon. Tenkyū, I thought before shooting it at Ryōichi.

While he was distracted, I weaved the tiger hand sign as sweat began to drip down my brow. I was getting weaker, I had never fought someone so hard before while using the Takamori fighting style of being blind folded…or ever.

“Suiton: Teppōdama!” I yell out, and water shoots from my mouth.

I hear him yell out as he’s hit and pushed to the ground of the sparing platform. I continue to keep the spray on him, keeping him down.

The water dies down as my chakra fades, and I gasp for breath. I weakly stand, using chakra to slide down the wall. I shuffle towards him, and suck in a breath. I didn’t kill him, his chakra was still very much alive, but the fear that I had done permanent damage made me sick.

“…Since Ryōichi Satoshi is unable to continue, Senju (Y/-”

He kicked my leg, causing me to fall on my back before lunging on top of me. I fought back, kicking and punching my he grabbed my wrist, pinning it before stabbing and kunai through my palm.

I cried out, thrashing to get him off but it was no use as soon as his hands circled my neck. My eyes widen, and I claw at his hands with my free hand.

I could practically feel his smile, “this…this is what should happen, this is your fait!”

“NO!” I was not going to die.

With a hazy mind, I pull my last Kunai out, and with all my strength dug it into the skin of his cheek and dragged it up, cutting open his face and taking his eye.

He screamed, letting my neck go as he pushed away from me, howling like a mad animal. He was crying, begging, screaming as he rolling around on the floor in pain.

Shakily, I sat up, pulling the blooded headband away from my eyes. My face and chest were covered in his blood, and I look at him in terror as medical nin raced to get him out of the area.

The proctor grasped my hand, holding it up and I sat there paralyzed.

“Senju (Y/n) wins!”

I stood up, swaying a bit before hunching over, and throwing up. It was all pain, and I sobbed at the acid and at what I had done. I had taken his eye, I had scarred him for life, he would never recover because of me.

Kushinas gentle hands guided me away, holding me close to her as I cried and hiccuped. I was 8…and I wanted my childhood back. I wasn’t like my grandfather, i wasn’t like my father or my mother, I wasn’t like my Sensei, I wasn’t strong like them.

I didn’t want to be a shinobi.

I wasn’t Kakashi.

I felt a spike of Chakra, and I sat up. I turned to look towards the door, but no one else was in the room. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I grasped the closest thing I could reach, a fucking pencil.

“…this is an S-rank lab…leave or suffer the consequences.” I spoke out, knowing someone was in the room.

All was quiet, still, but my guard never dropped. Suddenly a kunai is thrown at my head, and I dodge it only to have to dodge a second. From the wall emerged three shinobi, all wearing Rain ninja headbands.

“Rain…? Allied yourself to another killer?” I scoff, grabbing one of the kunai.

“Stupid woman needs to mind her own business, meddling in things she doesn’t understand.”

“Scientists are annoying, so troublesome to kill.”

The third doesn’t speak, his eyes narrowed as he pulls out his katana.

“All your data, we’ll be taking it.”

“I seriously doubt that…” I muttered, and blocked his swing with the kunai before pushing him back. I grab my note book, and stuff it in my pocket before kicking another guy as he lunged at me.

I raced to my door, and cursed to find it locked. I didn’t lock it, Kakashi must have that fuckin-

I gasp, my head being pulled back by my hair. Just before I was fully away from it, I slammed the alarm button, causing sirens to wale out and the room to be plunged in red light.

I straddle the guy who pulled me back, punching the shit out of him before being dragged back and thrown against the wall harshly. I snarl, digging my kunai in the man’s shoulder before kicking him in the stomach, and pulling the kunai out. I was not loosing this kunai.

The third guy with the katana, punched me, coming into my blind spot and grabbing my throat with one hand as the other searched for my note book. I lean in, straining against him choking me to bite his ear, ripping a piece off. He screams out, letting me go to give me the opening to head butting him and stab him in the throat.

I wipe my face of the blood, and hear yelling on the other side of the door.

“In here!” I yell, weakly, still a bit winded. I raise the kunai, I still had two more guys to either kill or subdue.

The guy on the floor was knocked out, I wasn’t worried about him, but the biggest of the bunch was still kicking.

“Fuck…”

He lunges at me, swinging his large fist. I jump back, sizing up my options. Larger opponents meant their balance was off more, if I could take out a leg…

He swings again, and I jump just in time to see my table being smashed along with all my shit…and the poison, that’s it!

It rolls towards me, by fait or unluckiness for this guy, and I grasped the bottle and throw it at his face. He yells out, and gets blinded by the poison eating his face away, but he’s still swinging. If I’m not careful, a drop could get on me, or his fist could hit me.

I needed to take him out, and I grab the kunai.

Two steps back, one step forward, one step back, step forward Strike!

I go for his side, stabbing him and jumping away fast, but he doesn’t go down.

“Shit!” What was taking them so long with the door?! Was it the lockdown system?! Can’t they just shut it down?!

I dodge another hit, and back against the door. I peak out the little window to see four ANBU, Genma, Ibiki and Inoichi. Kakashi…he was fucking livid it looked, barking orders that were muffled out by the door. His eyes caught mine before a fist shot out right next to my head, denting the door.

“Holy shit…”

“Found you, mouse.” His voice twisted from his whole face now down to the bone, i couldn’t believe he was still going!

Must be a side effect…gives the person tainted with the poison super human abilities to carry out mass destruction.

Oh, remember that pencil? Oh, it’s going into his head, no joke.

I rawr, plunging the pencil into his eye and using my palm to hit it to go deeper. I hiss as my hand gets the poison on his, and I begin to loose skin on my hand just in time for them to finally open the fucking door.

“FUCKING FINALLY!”

Genma races in, checking me over and holding me close, “are you okay?! Oh Kami I was so fucking scared.”

“Genmaaa, handddd!” I groan, and he curses when he sees my skin is fucking melting.

I lean on him, feeling feverish as the room fills with ANBU and company.

I meet kakashis ANBU mask again, and he watches Genma take me out of the room as his men get to work with dealing with my mess.

………………………………………………………………………….

I was lucky and antidote was made, to stop the rotting. My hand was still fucked, would be fucked for a while.

I was laying in a hospital bed, staring out the window boredly. The nurses wouldn’t allow me to work, telling me to rest, yet forgot that they are the one who prescribe me pills to make me sleep, my insomnia legendary. They, of course, can’t give me the pills while I’m hooked up apparently.

I sit up when Inoichi and Ibiki walk into the room, and I look towards both of them, “well?”

“I did a little digging into our friends mind, turns out Rain is not working with the people who created the poison…they wanted to use it for themselves, so no lead on the creator.” Inoichi spoke, and I huff.

“Go figures.”

Ibiki chuckled, walking over to ruffle my hair, “aye, look at you. ‘Not a field ninja’ my ass, you killed a guy with a pencil!”

“He was already dying.” I point out and he shushes me, chuckling giddily.

“To think, all these years I thought you were a prissy little prin-”

“Thank you Ibiki, you are dismissed.” Inoichi spoke, and sighed softly with Ibiki nodded and left the room.

Inoichi walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed, “…you feel fine?”

I lift my bandaged hand, flexing it.

“I’ll be fine…Hashiramas genes and shit…I heal fast.”

He chuckles, and drags his hand down his face with a sigh, “…you scared us today…that boy too.”

“Genma? He tends to get over-”

“Huh? No, no. The Hatake boy, he was going nuts trying to get that door opened that he eventually used his Chidori to break in.”

My eyes widen…Kakashi was going crazy…cause I was trapped inside the room?

“…really?”

“Yeah, never seen someone freak out so much. Funny.” He huffed again, smoothing his blonde hair back before standing. He placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze, “rest, I’ll take care of this. You did a good job.”

I smile softly up at him, and he walks out, closing the door softly behind him.

I settle back into my bed, closing my eyes. Kakashi was worried about me…

I turn over, and my eyes widen briefly.

On my windowsill was my note book, and a takeout bag from ichiraku. I stood up from the bed, and my cheeks warmed as I took the things off the sill.

“Kakashi…”

[crushedsweets]

what is jack and toby's relationship like?

oohh ive covered this a few times. i love them.

this post i did on their relationship basically sums it up !! ill do more under the cut

jack helps the proxies so that slenderman lets him stay in the forest as refuge. he doesn't like toby at first, seeing him as too violent, too aggressive, viewing himself even in his monstrous form as more human than toby - which is true, in a sense . toby kills for slenderman. he wouldn't be killing people if not for that, BUT he absolutely finds release in it - he makes a game out of it, he detaches himself from the victims and reflects all he wanted to do to his dad onto them. sometimes he catches himself saying exact phrases his dad screamed back onto them. bro probably called his victims 'npcs' at some point LOLLLL

and jack RARELY EVER does his own killing. he gets a lot of his bodies as a dark web human remains disposer(cuz he gets paid for it too), or from jeff. and it took a while for him to be able to stomach the shit he has to do to survive, so it's rough for him.

jack hates it, jack hates what toby does, but he can see so much in toby that goes beyond that and it fucking sucks and it hurts and jacks prob cried FOR toby before. not in front of him, but anytime jacks confronting his own mortality and humanity, toby is one of the first people that comes to mind each time, and he wants to throw up thinking about it. only nina can rival how emotional jack is LOL

it's kinda weird for toby the way jack treats him - sometimes he gets mad and accuses him of treating toby like some research paper in a book, because he knew jack had a decently privileged upbringing in comparison to himself, and hates the supiroirty complex. jack asks too many questions and is always just trying to grasp whats going on in tobys brain and its fucking infuritating for toby.

but jacks just always fucking there. jack is easily the most present person, always easy to find, usually calm. tim/brian are rarely around, kate is unsettling and hiding away half the time, jeffs a dick, bens unreliable, ninas in love with jeff and has a life seperate from the creeps. even natalie has long periods of time where she just cannot get herself to confront toby because she has her own issues and is struggling to even maintain her job as a waitress. she can't be there half the time.

but jacks never gone. jack rarely tells him to get the fuck out. jacks so welcoming, even if he's an annoying uptight prick who thinks he's better than everyone - and half the time, toby knows jack is. he knows jacks better than everyone else around him and it sucks fucking ASSSSSS being around someone like him, but its also something toby needs really bad

after a year or so of knowing toby jack would be able to comfortably say he loves him, whether its as a friend or a brother or whatever the fuck sort of fucked up shit is going on in these freaks heads . again, jack is INCREDIBLY FUCKING HUMAN hes emotional he loves so hard he hates himself he wants people he wants connection he feels so alone he wants everyone to be there he wants his mom he wants his siblings he wants to read he wants to walk around he wants to cook he wants to breath in fresh air. and toby really does put in some work for that. maybe not correctly, honestly he might fuck it up more often than he gets it right, but who the fuck else is gonna invite jack to go swimming on a random summer night ? how badly he wish he could see tobys face when toby asks to hang out

also this one shot from necroromantics if ur looking for good jack toby content . sorry for stealing tomb. u just get them so much . also sort of in the same vein of this drawing i did ... jack was full of life and empathy and love and joy for so long....... doesn't understand how toby never had any to begin with.

[himehomu]

Homura did nothing wrong. And I stand by that. Because, she didn't do anything wrong towards anyone nor did she do anything with malicious intent. The only thing she did wrong is entirely in regards to herself. Rather than basing Homura's entire character around an act she made out of love or reduce her character to an evildoer with no morals nor love in her heart like some people still do to this day under the poor facade of “valid criticism,” I'm going to explain what Homura actually did wrong in Rebellion and her what her act of selfishness actually was.

What Homura did wrong was condemn herself to suffering as an immortal deity, the Devil whom acts as a rebellion against God, The Law of Cycles, strict laws of the original universe, which included Madoka Kaname not existing. That is what she did wrong, but not in the black and white, Good-vs-Evil way most people interpret this as. Yes, they are meant to be enemies one day, but because God favors rules and always doing the right thing, whereas the Devil favors her desire to stay in a world where Madoka is happy, where her friends are happy, where they are safe and have a chance at a life. A desire for happiness vs maintaining order of a broken world for the greater good, even if maintaining order means making sacrifices and making hard choices that directly rebel against that desire and yearning for happiness.

But, here is why Homura is wrong in dooming herself to her fate as the Devil. It's very subtle, but seconds before the Flower Field scene, as they are walking, Madoka turns and tells Homura that it really hurts her seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. This may seem like a simple thing a friend would say, but remember that Madoka lost her memories as a goddess. And, as a goddess, she was stuck alone in Heaven having to watch life go by, Homura's life go by, and wasn't able to interfere. Think about that for a second. Think about being Madokami.

Think about when she could finally understand just how much Homura did for her, just how much Homura fought for her in all those time loops; the moment she's able to reciprocate her feelings, she fades from existence as the consequence. Wanting so badly to comfort Homura as she bears the psychological burden of being the only person to remember her, to know her, to miss her, to grieve and mourn her. Thinking the only time she’ll ever be able to see let alone talk to Homura again is when she’s essentially dying from all the grief, the pain, the guilt, the sadness of not being able to save her from her fate of being a goddess trapped in isolation. Think about that, then look at what she says here again. Of course it hurts Madoka seeing Homura hurting so badly and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Because that's what she's been doing as The Law of Cycles. Much like how she said she'd never make the decision to become a Goddess in the first place a few seconds later, she says this because this is the real Madoka who loves and cherishes Homura, who hates to see her hurt.

Take that into consideration when looking at what Homura turns herself into at the end of Rebellion, how she's suffering and you can see the exhaustion on her face and in her eyes, how you can see the immortality essentially sucking the humanity out of her to the point where she herself believes she is evil. This was never about Good vs. Evil. This is about Homura hating herself so much not only for being unable to save Madoka, but possibly even for loving her in the first place considering her love is what made her powerful enough to condemn herself to her fate as a Goddess trapped in Heaven with her wish. This is about Madoka hating herself so much to where she only deems herself worthy so long as she's helping others, her self-loathing making her reduce herself to a sacrificial lamb and throwing away her life for the better of everyone else, caring so little for herself and being unable to even fathom that she'd be mourned or grieved if she were to die, thus sacrificing herself over and over, seeing herself as a means to an end if it means freedom for everyone she loves. Madoka has always been there to comfort Homura and protect her since the first timeline. How can she do that if her memories and powers to do so are locked away? She can't. Because Homura doesn't believe she deserves Madoka's love.

Homura doesn't believe she's worth Madoka's sacrifice in becoming a God and Madoka doesn't believe she's worth Homura's sacrifice in becoming the Devil. Madoka cannot understand that she is so so much more than what she can give to other people whilst Homura is the only one that does. Homura can't understand that dooming herself to immortality pains and hurts Madoka because she can't do anything about it thus she can't save her from her suffering like how Homura ceased her suffering. It's a cycle. A snake eating it's own tail. A pumpkin that spins round and round and round. They're both selfish and they're both selfless. Homura is selfish in the sense that she's not taking into consideration how Madoka would feel if she knew how much she were suffering as the Devil for her sake yet she is being selfless because she's only suffering as the Devil for Madoka and her family and their friends to have a happy life. Madoka is selfish in the same sense that she's not taking into consideration just how psychologically damaging it is for Homura to not only have to watch her die over and over again throughout 100 timelines but to then erase herself from existence with Homura being the only one to remember her and she is selfless by of course only sacrificing herself so much because she cares for everyone and all Magical Girls, Homura especially included. They both love each other enough to sacrifice themselves for the other but they both hate themselves so much to where they believe they are undeserving of the other's love hence they keep dooming themselves to suffering in isolation and in turn dooming each other.