#which I was
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A clearly definitive ranking of Claudia Jessie's broken wrist disguises:
#look in the costume departments defense#you don't really notice it unless you're looking for it#which I was#and spotting it was good fun tbh#they did a good job really#despite claudia's best chaotic efforts#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton#claudie jessie#Just realized I saved these as transparent pngs oops#fixed
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ch10 of palace fic which has been plaguing me for months because there's so much action in it is FINALLY drafted (first draft) and all it took was leaving me in a bar for an hour
#yes i DID sit in a nice bar by myself sipping one cocktail to write gay fanfiction#i dress like such a prep everyone just assumed i was working on something important#which i was#rookposting#anyway it's a first draft so i think it's still shit but like at least it exists now.
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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Happy Leprechaun (1993) weekend! Otherwise known as St. Patrick’s day weekend ☘️
Have you praised him this weekend
#simonspiervsthehomosapiensagenda#alternatively boondock saints weekend if you were 14-21 during a certain period of time#which i was
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I love seeing people in media taking off their masks in fencing, because I look like a wet rat when I take off mine
#they’re always not sweaty#perfect hair#meanwhile I look like I was fighting for my life#which i was#I don’t need to write a fencing au#random thoughts with anaïs
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Gotta make this now
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if they didn’t want me setting stuff on fire they shouldn’t have made it so damn pretty
#I miss chem class sooooo bad#I could spend all day setting various metal salts on fire and never get bored lmao#burning copper salt is the most beautiful thing#it’s this lovely teal blue color and looking at it I felt a pull on my heart like I was looking into something pure and true and wonderful#which I was#and don’t even get me started on strontium and sodium and potassium and—#lmao don’t worry guys I’m not a pyromaniac no matter what my classmates say XD
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some level of reading comprehension for your own misreading of a sentence is good but it still is an odd feeling- the mental equivalent to a windows error popup sound each time you fail to read/comprehend the sentence right.
#someone on a post was recommending to read a story but I misread the title as an actual sentence#which lead to the weirdest feeling cause I was just like That is Not How Someone Posts that Thier Parent Died-#-I am definitely reading something wrong here#which I was#ramblings
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Me: I’m cured! No more eating disorder! The curse has been lifted!
Also me: I can’t eat a half of cup of rice with egg for my only meal until dinner cause it’s 332 calories my gf wants to make grilled cheese tonight and those will be a thousand calories together so that doesn’t leave me enough incase I want to drink tonight even though I’m trying to build muscle and I know I don’t eat enough for my bmr and activity level but the idea of eating over 1200 calories in a day makes me feel physically ill
#when will it end#my gf eats whatever she wants when ever with out a single thought#it makes me so anxious#like girl do you even realize how many calories you eat in a day#it’s frightening#i used to stay under 600 calories in a day#I’d have sleep for dinner at least 3 times a week#it’s been 10 years since then#I still can’t just eat#I love my muscle and health weight#but I can’t help but feel like everything would be better if I was smaller#as small as possible#which I was#I use only 95 pounds at 16#i remember still feeling miserable and not small enough#I know it will never be enough#I just can’t break out of the habit of counting and tracking and restricting#not bg3#ed recovery#tw ed#tw eating issues#eating disoder recovery#tw calories
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DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD.
- @fictive-explosion
hi sorry currently dying of shame
#artist i like told me i was doing too much#which i was#uyhrrgghhggg#aaaa#im gonna die now#bendy and the post machine
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not my friend who was into me literally stop being my friend because i had a major decline in mental health
#didnt think the friendship was that fragile#but she was acting like i wasnt doing anything to get help#which i was#who knows 💀#i dont need people who get mad at me for sleeping#thats just weird
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i can't believe no one got a bootleg of lost city of gold i hate it here
#if i fucking knew i was allowed to film#which i WAS#i would've filmed stuff i'm so sad#yesterday was a year since i saw it :-(#lost city of gold#scooby doo#it me
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Me when I would wait for the bus in high school and sometimes look up at the trees and become insanely aware of my surroundings and how wonderfully amazing nature is
When I would then go to class and tell people about it they thought I was crazy lol
*visibly shaking* has anybody else noticed how beautiful everything is?
#the bus driver would just pull up to this scraggly kid staring at the sky#probably thought I was an insane weirdo#which I was#but I was an insane weirdo having a moment
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Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)
#DID ANYONE TELL HIM. DOES MR NERD KNOW THEY MADE LIVE ACTION LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIES#FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING CAME OUT IN 2001 DOES HE KNOW. HAS HE WATCHED THEM#more importantly the HOBBIT came out in december of 2012. meaning Ford came back JUST in time to watch it in theatres#which I choose to believe he and Dipper did do. I'm gonna draw that actually. Those nerds love Tolkien you cant tell me otherwise#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mason pines#gravity falls#GF fanart#fan art#fanart#digital art#comic#silly#my art
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why is ao3 is blocked on the hospital wifi????
#Literally everything else works fine it’s just ao3#Who was reading smut that they blocked ao3#I must know#in which nina screams into the void
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