#which I KNOW are actively harmful to others in order to fix them

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I found my relatives who are estranged because they left the cult (among other, much more complicated things)… and through their friends list I found my creepy uncle who I saw exactly once in person, walking through a foyer at a funeral.

Now, I bear a striking resemblance to my late grandmother so I could theoretically scare the living bejeezus out of him… 👀 but I’m not going to do that or talk to any of them right now in any way; because I don’t want to open that can of wormssssssss

[op-sys-chaos]

@stealingyourbones mentioned in a post I just saw that Booster Gold could be used in a DPxDC fic related to Clockwork bc they’re both invoked in time travel stuff and omg yES I have ideas now

Feel free to use any/all of these, just tag me!

1. Booster Gold being in the present is good for the timeline, but he wants to go back to the future. Clockwork sends Danny to sabotage the time machine. Shenanigans ensue. The JL thinks Danny’s a villain until a massive attack happens, Booster Gold is very much crucial to saving the day, and afterwards Danny shows up with a perfectly intact time machine (he fixed all the damages he caused while they were fighting the villain) and goes “ok now you can go home! :)” and the JL is so confused. Dealer’s choice if they get an explanation and maybe even ask Phantom to join the JL or if Danny just vanishes, never to be seen again

2. Booster Gold wants to change something in the timeline. Clockwork needs it to stay the same. Danny and BG go back and forth trapping each other in various situations (maybe it’s comedic what they end up trapped in) until one of them gives up

3. BG and Danny actually know each other in the future. Knowing how OP Danny is and knowing he’s an active hero rn, BG keeps trying to get the JL to recruit Phantom. The JL keeps refusing (“that’s a KID Booster we can’t put a kid in the JL”) until like Vortex or someone shows up and wreaks havoc and the JL is floundering and barley hanging in there and Danny shows up and beats him in like two seconds flat. The JL just kinda goes “ok, maybe Booster had a point”

4. BG, being a time cop, and Danny, being Clockwork’s personal equivalent of a time cop, keep running into each other in various situations (usually bc Clockwork sends Danny to help BG whenever he’s in over his head). But they keep meeting out of order, not even realizing that Danny’s from the time BG ends up staying in until they run into each other on a normal, non-time related mission. Spider-man meme pointing at each other, “what are YOU doing here???”, “is there some time-related issue on top of this?”, JL confused why Booster and a random overpowered teen they just met today seem to know each other. (Their meeting in their normal time is after all the meeting out of order shenanigans. After that point, they stay together for time missions that Clockwork sends Danny to join BG on; he makes sure they meet in the right order this time.)

5. Booster and Clockwork hate each other. Danny is a big fan of BG. Shenanigans ensue

6. Danny and BG hate each other. Clockwork needs them to get along for the sake of the timeline. He keeps sending Danny to BG’s time cop missions. Will they ever make up?

7. Danny and BG are the same age and start dating. Clockwork sends them on fancy fun time travel dates

8. BG keeps running into this random kid in various places in the time stream. He only ever tells BG that “Clockwork sent me” and BG is getting more and more determined to find whoever Clockwork is and kick his ass for putting this poor precious kid in harm’s way. Hell, BG might just end up adopting this poor kid himself if that’s what it takes to save him… which is exactly what Clockwork wants

9. BG is incredibly surprised when his time mentor, Clockwork, reaches out and asks him to adopt a kid, Danny

10. BG and Clockwork are dating. Clockwork asks BG if he’s okay with adopting Danny

I can come up with more if y’all want! Please tag me if you use these I wanna see what you create :)

[multimousenette]

bkdkbk longfic recs

for @miss-multifandom-mess, who wanted fics that are:

Long & completed ☑️

Good balance of genres: angst, comedy, romance, the package deal

Accurate bakudeku (as a pair and individually)

Great dynamic 👍

Izuku is not ‘feminized’ or made uwu

I'll give title (linked to the fic) & author, word count, rating, dynamic if relevant*, content warnings, major tags and a synopsis.

I'll also put them in the following categories:

Canon compliant: this does not disagree with canon in any way (eg. character study of Kacchan during dark hero arc, anything during the 8 year time skip that has Kacchan saving up/Deku teaching)

Canon consistent: yeah that could more or less be canon (eg future pro heroes especially where deku keeps OFA)

Canon divergent: something during canon actively changes, but the world is the same (eg. becoming friends in middle school, one of them is on a different course, pro heroes but my gut says it's too far away to be really canon consistent)

Canon adjacent: feels like canon except for one Major Thing (eg. omegaverse, (non-quirk related) hanahaki but still heroes)

Alternate Universe (AU): completely different universe (eg fantasy, sci-fi, or no quirks)

*it ended up being mostly either bkdkbk (ie switching) or dkbk -- I've highlighted these red just in case, but I've included them cos people tend to use bkdk for the ship generally if they don't have a preference, and I couldn't see anything saying you were fixed bkdk on your acc

... and I'll put them below the cut cos this is already so long oh my god

In order of word count (high -> low):

I Will Find You by Purple_Insomniac (174k, T, canon consistent)

CW: Alt universe character death

Major tags: Parallel universes, angst w a happy ending.

Deku disappears in the middle of a rescue mission. Turns out, thanks to some OFA weirdness, the person who sent Izuku into an alternate universe… doesn’t know which one he’s in. Somehow, Izuku and Katsuki can speak in the OFA Vestige Realm, but it’s still a total nightmare trying to find which universe Izuku’s in — let alone bringing him home.

For it is Something That We Lost by TheGraveyardChild (160k, E, top Deku, canon divergent)

CW: past domestic abuse, past child abuse.

Major tags: Kidfic, angst with a happy ending.

Number four pro hero Dynamight returns to his hometown, but — to (number five pro hero) Deku’s surprise — he’s kind of flaky now. Turns out, this is because he has a daughter, and they’ve only just escaped his abusive ex. Slowly, Katsuki and Deku grow close again, but everything’s complicated when they start work on a child kidnapping/trafficking case — especially when Katsuki’s daughter is caught up in it.

Halfway to the Moon (But the Sun is So Bright) by Catsired (105k, T, canon divergent)

CW: Graphic depictions of abuse and self harm; depressed & suicidal Izuku; physically, financially, emotionally and verbally abusive Hisashi; bullying; mild homophobia.

Major tags: Middle School AU, Slow burn, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending.

Izuku has a lot on his plate. It’s his final year of middle school and between his training with All Might, the part time job he’s picked up to help his mum with bills, and Kacchan… being Kacchan, he’s about ready to drop. And then his dad comes home, and his mum is so happy he can’t bear to tell her that Hisashi hits him. Meanwhile, Katsuki notices there’s something up with Shitty Deku and somehow decides it’s his responsibility to fix it. And maybe, as they grow closer, he finds that doesn’t hate Deku so much anymore. Maybe he never really did.

Surprise Reunions and Childhood Rekindlings by ladyofsnails (90k, G, AU)

Major tags: Slice of life, no quirks AU, uni/college AU, mutual pining, FLUFF.

Izuku and Katsuki haven’t seen each other in five years, but it turns out their friends are friends — and incredibly shocked (and concerned) when the first thing Katsuki and Izuku do upon meeting is start roughhousing. The two of them fall straight back into their chaotic childhood dynamic… and in love. Obviously.

After All We’ve Been Through (You get turned into a fucking rabbit) by TigerLilies64 (88k, E, switching, canon consistent).

Major tags: crack treated seriously, fluff, hurt/comfort.

Pro hero Deku gets hit by a quirk that turns him into a rabbit hybrid. To make matters worse, he shapeshifts into an actual rabbit when his heart rate gets too high. Kacchan... helps. 

Tidal Hearts by macksmilesback and SamIsNotLegend (83k, T, AU) 

Major tags: h2o just add water/early 2000s mermaid AU, high school drama, mild angst, fluff.

Izuku and Katsuki were best friends as kids, but that all changes after they nearly drown while swimming in the ocean and Inko moves her and Izuku away. Years later, they reunite, and after Katsuki saves Izuku from a nasty hazing prank, end up… growing a tail any time they get wet. Well, that’s one way to spend their senior year of high school!

The Spell in Her Name by MerryWeatherWeather (62k, E, top Katsuki, canon divergent)

CW: Past OC teacher/student relationship, past minor character death, past child abandonment.

Major tags: kidfic, domestic fluff, mutual pining, angst. 

Pro hero Katsuki returns from working in the US and due to some complications, has nowhere to live, so pitches up at Deku’s house — and is shocked to discover that Deku has a child. Turns out, she was abandoned on his doorstep as a baby, and he took her in. When her mother initiates a public custody battle, Deku will do anything to keep his daughter — and Kacchan will do anything to help.

just for your love (I’ll give you the world) by thwnderpoint (52k, E, top deku, canon consistent)

Major tags: idiots to lovers, (light) angst with a happy ending, mutual pining.

Katsuki confesses to Izuku, and Izuku doesn’t want Kacchan to suffer or feel like he has to hold back his feelings. So he tells him not to. Kacchan takes this offer and runs with it. Izuku quickly realises that while he hadn’t considered Kacchan as a romantic option, he is in fact absolutely in love with him… but Kacchan thinks Izuku deserves better than him. Izuku, of course, can’t let that stand. And now they’re engaged in some sort of psychological flirt-off, much to the dismay of everyone around them.

Photo Op by whitetail (50k, M, top deku, canon adjacent)

CW: transphobia, gender dysphoria

Note: I LOVE the characterisation of Deku, he’s an absolute disaster, but I can see that it might be love it or hate it as the author does exaggerate his social issues a lot. This Deku is explicitly, intentionally autistic and it's a close third person POV so we're very much in his head... which is kind of a mess.

Major tags: trans izuku, autistic izuku, massive simp kacchan, comedy of errors, miscommunication, light angst.

Pro hero Deku has PR crisis after PR crisis and now the whole world knows about his Dynamight thirst blog and he’s newly insecure about his bottom surgery. And for some reason, Kacchan won’t stop asking him (him!!) to join him for a photoshoot, as if Deku’s stupid ugly face won’t ruin everything again. Still, he can’t say no to Kacchan… 

In Another Life by hollyandvice (44k, M, canon consistent)

Major tags: Parallel universes, grief/mourning, angst with a happy ending.

While fighting a villain, Kacchan disappears. Turns out, the villain has a parallel universe swapping quirk, and he was aiming to swap number one hero Deku for a quirkless civilian. Except, the only world the villain could find where Deku isn’t a hero is one where Kacchan is dead — so when Katsuki took the blow, no one swapped with him, and now no one knows how to get him back. Meanwhile, Katsuki discovers a dystopian world where half his friends are dead or injured — not to mention this world’s Deku, who is all sorts of broken up over meeting an adult Kacchan. Will he be able to fix the problems with this world before he gets home? And which world will he choose to stay in?

last days of war by antisora (44k, M, AU)

Major tags: Pacific Rim AU, Sci-Fi/Dystopian, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings.

Note: I've never watched pacific rim and had no issues with understanding what was going on. Author said there were lots of references, but you don't need existing knowledge to enjoy this.

All Izuku’s ever wanted is to save the world with his best friend… but his life doesn’t seem to be headed in that direction, especially when he doesn’t make it through the physical entrance exam for the best Jaeger pilot training school, UA. But after seeing him ace a Kaiju simulation, the world’s greatest ranger, All Might, intervenes, and Izuku is able to enrol at UA after all. Unsurprisingly, Kacchan’s there too — and their drift compatibility is through the roof. Much to Izuku’s dismay, even piloting a Jaeger together isn’t enough to regain their close friendship as children. Will almost dying (twice) be enough for them to finally be truly honest with each other?

The Time Between Our Lives by Fitzrovia (36k (56k inc. sequels), E, switching, canon divergent and AU)

Major tags: Hurt/comfort, angst w a happy ending.

Deku and Kacchan are sent back in time by a villain’s quirk and end up in an abandoned temple, quirkless. In order to escape — and return to their old lives — they must rake the gravel in the garden into a design that shows the beauty of all life. It takes a very, very long time.

Spacewalk by SamIsNotLegend (35k, M, AU)

CW: Major character death

Major tags: Sci-Fi/Horror, angst w a happy ending, grief/mourning.

Astronauts Izuku and Katsuki are set to co-lead the first manned mission to Jupiter… but a year and a half before launch, Izuku is hit by a car and dies. Katsuki has to lead the mission — their mission — alone, and sure enough, everything goes wrong. And keeps going wrong… until it starts going right. 

and a bonus totally-not-a-longfic-but-it-slaps:

Vertigo by Cyhyr (15k, T, canon adjacent)

Major tags: hanahaki, angst with a happy ending.

Pro hero Deku has hanahaki. He makes a plan to run away and just... die (when it gets too severe to keep working), but he didn’t account for Kacchan. 

[yonkokraven]

I am glad I found someone that is highly critical of the LOV, because I have to be honest, that’s all these guys needed up being: destroy the world because we want to! If they wanted to prove the glaring flaws in society, I’d be willing to at least understand why I should care about them. But nothing about their actions makes me care about them. Yes they had sad backstories, but that only goes so far.

I wanted your opinion on something.

I have been especially critical on Toga, because no matter how many times I try to understand her, she only seemed to harm and ruin Ochako’s character more. In my perspective, people always seem to criticize Ochako for being nothing more than a satellite character to Izuku (where THAT honor goes to Bakugou), and I feel Toga’s part of the problem for this critique because that is literally their ONLY connection together: their shared feelings with a boy.

People will say both of them have repressed feelings and that Toga helped Ochako feel she can express those feelings.

As if Ochako isn’t surrounded by other characters that are expressive and outgoing or that she doesn’t have alternatives, like I don’t know, her parents, a teacher, Tsuyu, or Mina. People a lot more stable and less murdery in “expressing themselves”. Their whole reason for being foils just seems so forced and it drives me up the wall what happened to Ochako.

And the stans of Toga and the shippers don’t help. Especially when they seem so content on reducing Ochako to being nothing more than a love interest for Toga that is just meant to be her personal food source and to make it all about her.

I don’t hold it against Ochako for wanting to help her as she is a hero, but how it was written and how she feels responsible for Toga when it was in no way her responsibility for Toga’s actions.

Am I wrong for thinking this way?

Absolutely not!

One of the things I criticize most about Horikoshi's writing aside from the contradictory character development lines, is not having a consistency outside of panels when it comes to ALL the characters.

This theme of Uraraka and repressed feelings also enters into Hawks' plot which consists of heroes being able to have free time (i.e. personal lives).

From the first year she represses her feelings and adapts to the current conditions of heroism which are reduced to serving the public as a security tool against villains of all kinds and catastrophes

And she's not the only one, the entire class stops having a personal life and extracurricular activities from the moment they start at UA, and it's something that Horikoshi points out in SBS mentioning that those who enter the hero course can't even enter UA clubs.

In order for Uraraka to realize that what she does is wrong, since the performance of a hero is not tied to his feelings or relationships, I think the right people would have been Midnight and Mic.

And I don't say this only because they, unlike Aizawa, know that students are still children and not soldiers, but because they are already experienced heroes who were unable to properly build a life after graduating.

Furthermore, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary if thanks to those two the things changed for class A. In canon, Horikoshi makes the teachers stay out of class A's problems because Aizawa is the Homeroom Teacher, but logically and according to the personalities of the teachers, Aizawa should have been dismissed from his position between the final exams and the provisional license tests.

Having Midnight or Mic as Class A's Homeroom teacher means that they could slowly vent about their responsibilities and worries.

(Yes, Aizawa "helped" Yaoyorozu with the trust issue, but other than that it was a "fix your own problems" thing.)

With them being treated like people her age, Uraraka would realize that being a hero doesn't exclude you from having at least a moment of life and lets her feelings be free like her whenever she can, and this triggers the doubt in Uraraka's head about "who saves the heroes if they are also people?" little by little transforming into "how is a villain born?"

This is shared with Midoriya (at this point you can imagine that they are a couple in their first steps or that Uraraka is preparing to ask him out) and from here both of them do introspection on the subject to the point where they ask themselves a question that they should have asked since the camp arc:

What happened to the league to end up like this?

I'm not saying anything about them immediately deciding to save them, but that with time and thanks to Tsukauchi and All Might they discover on their own the origin of Toga, Shigaraki, Spinner and Twice, and think about those problems sharing it with the class in their free time or among themselves

You can imagine that over time they both decide to help the league, but with the same result, since as I said Horikoshi has written to the league to point out the flaws in the hero system and still die because his characters don't have the common sense to have a logical evolution.

[audiblehush]

I know this isn’t really relevant to the recent promo we’ve gotten (which I’m still swooning over, for the record), but I’ve been thinking about how some people in this fandom have been fussing over Pen having a potential suitor (or suitorS, we don’t really know) this season, and I don’t understand their complaints, I guess?

… like, I’m pretty sure that it’s meant to MIRROR Season 1.

(…see what I did there? ;)

There are multiple ways in which Colin and Penelope’s stories / situations have mirrored the other. They are not perfect mirrors (that would be dull), but they ARE similar and I truly believe that it’s intentional to reinforce both Polin’s compatibility and ultimately their empathy for the other.

A few examples:

—

Colin: is viewed as the “one-dimensional” easy-going, un-serious, charming brother who never rocks the boat; never gets angry.

Pen: is viewed as a shy, quiet, harmless wallflower who never steps out of line and is kind of a doormat.

—

As a result of the above perceptions:

Colin: is desperate for something to fill his time and energy the way his brothers have something, SO he impulsively courts and proposes marriage to a girl he barely knows to feel needed and wanted in a way that makes him feel mature; and he gets the validation he seeks from Marina, as it suits her needs (I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, she genuinely needed him to be desperate for validation to get a quick marriage). A heady feeling, someone relying on you and telling you that you are desperately needed…

Penelope: is desperate to feel a part of the ton in any way she can, because her and her family are tolerated at best, and heavily criticized at worst. So rather than suffering through the season, crushed, and always on the sidelines against her will, after choosing to start LW —perhaps on a whim, perhaps it was discovered and encouraged by chance like in the books— she “chooses” to hug the wall and not be noticed… (not at all a coping mechanism and a fear of rejection, amirite??) …and she eventually gets the acceptance and validation she seeks by having the ton hang off her every word as LW…. Again, a heady thing for a lonely 17-18 year old who wants to be heard and who craves acceptance, however she can get it.

—

Penelope: has to watch the man she’s in love with, one of the few people who listens to her and who she shows aspects of her true, (sometimes cutting self) with, court and eventually propose to a girl she knows is actively manipulating him.

She then (quickly, imperfectly and messily) interferes to spare Colin from the plot… without his input (after a failed first attempt to appeal to him, in her defense… and then the time limit became a problem).

Colin: quickly and imperfectly interferes in Jack’s ruby scheme in order to fix his own rashness, but also to spare the Featherington family… (without their input, it must be noted, even though he says he does it for them).

…And now in season 3, Colin will need to watch as Pen attempts to attract suitors, possibly while he watches with feelings of jealously if she has some success (Edit: Though I doubt it will get all the way to an engagement; too redundant)

(And this is nothing but speculation, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if Colin either discovers something about one of the suitors, or about another plot entirely and is forced to make a difficult decision regarding it, that impacts Penelope).

—

Penelope: writes things that can have a negative impact on or hurt people, sometimes for her own own comfort (LW), even if it’s not intentional.

Colin: says and does things that hurt others or that are misleading / obliviously harmful, sometimes for his own comfort (avoiding the needling of those men at the end of S2), even if it’s not intentional.

—

Penelope: has self esteem that has been in the TRASH since the beginning of the series - this poor girl hates herself, and has had it reinforced often (and likely from a young age) that her thoughts and opinions aren’t worth hearing, and that she is never enough (and is one of a few reasons why I find the “she wanted Colin for herself!” takes about the end of S1 pretty laughable)… so she hides behind LW. Colin is one of the only people she’s hinted to that she can be biting (Eloise gets glimpses of it), and I think the ONLY one she has hinted at that she has “grand dreams”

Colin: ALSO has self esteem that is pretty low, desperately seeking something that he thinks will make him feel whole and complete, the forgotten middle child (same, bro…), and he masks this uncertainty by flaunting a fake confidence and hiding behind his hobbies and being what everyone wants him to be… also he he can keep people from looking deeper… while simultaneously desperate to be seen by those around him. Pen is the only person he’s really hinted at that he’s unhappy when they discuss purpose.

—

EDIT: How could I forget?! BOTH are the third children in their family. Colin is the forgotten middle child, and Pen is the youngest, but both are criticized by their acting heads of their household (Anthony for Colin, Portia for Penelope), and criticized by their siblings. Penelope’s sisters brutally mock her often: her weight, her skin, her letter-writing, etc. Colin’s siblings clearly mean to just tease him, but it’s obvious how much their lack of interest in him as a person hurts him and makes him feel invisible and unwanted (my poor boy 🥺…)

—

Mirrors, mirrors, and more mirrors. Sometimes they are funhouse mirrors, the situations aren’t ever exact, there are nuances and specific context to each, but imo the similarities are very intentional.

The show is going out of its way to put these characters on more equal footing, and to have each of them make blunders in their lives and in the lives of others, knocked off their respective pedestals, to set them up to be like “wow, I get it, I get YOU and I choose YOU, with all the highs and all the lows” … and I LOVE it!! 🥹

People in this fandom tend to relate to either Penelope, Colin, (or sometimes both), and that’s awesome… but that doesn’t mean they don’t each have flaws. It also doesn’t have to become a “who hurt who more, who is more right?” - I am so uninterested in that: pain isn’t a competition.

What I AM interested and invested in is their growth, seperetly and together, and the removal of their masks to truly see and accept the other.

So yeah, y’all. It’s called a parallel, and I really hope we get loads of them in S3. 🥰

I honestly really welcome conversation and thoughts about this; I’m pretty new to the fandom, but unfortunately I have seen a lot of people (on tumblr in particular) be very “holier than thou” if they don’t agree on an interpretation, and it makes the fandom seem very unwelcoming and makes me nervous to even post things, which is pretty ridiculous. :/

Fandom gonna fandom, I guess. 🤷‍♀️ I just really love this show and this pairing and I’m dying for S3.

[jadewing-realms]

disclaimer: written pre-release

i've had this sitting in my drafts for a bit since i started playing BG3, I kept seeing a particular kind of post regarding Astarion and it really started to frustrate me soooooo. here's a vaguely coherent rant nobody asked for pff

As I got into the game, following Astarion's romance subplot, doing research on the game and characters thus far, I encountered the schism between those who love Astarion and by extension, characters like him, and those that consider said characters as little more than toxic creatures, narcissists best dealt with swiftly and harshly. The latter tends, in the posts I've found at least, to view the former as poor unfortunate souls with the dreaded "i can fix him" mentality.

Now, I'm not here to say either is entirely wrong. I think to take a side here is to do the exploration a disservice and to forget the depth of nuance in art and media interpretation.

And that's just it. Because at the end of the day, interpretation is one of the key elements involved in this discourse. In the case of Astarion, especially with the game having been in early access for so long and no complete, guaranteed details of his past or arc made public yet, with so much up in the air as the full release drops, there are worlds of interpretations that can be made regarding our infamous vampire rogue.

Is one of those interpretations that he's both emotional and literal vampire who's every action is a trap for the protagonist in order to use them, and that he's irredeemable? Yes. Is another that he's simply trying to survive in a situation he's never been in after spending two centuries living like an animal? Also yes.

The error here, I think, is to treat one interpretation like it's more "right" than another. Which is what I've seen a lot of online threads do... Insisting one perspective is superior to the other. Which is bad faith even on a good day when either perspective is based in concrete, unchangeable fact. Even moreso in this case, until there's complete canon material to bank on, and even then that will have so much variety to it since most of it will depend on the actions of the player. It's a choice-based game. There is so much space for varied experiences, and none of them will be "right" or "wrong."

I feel like in modern media discussion, when considering whether a character is actively harmful or just flawed, it can be easy to forget that some of our most popular stories are ones in which someone is deemed beyond hope or redemption, a danger to all they encountered, only for their arc to raise them from their Pit of Dickishness and set them on pedestals as some of the most memorable, inspiring characters we know.

The timeless story of the Christmas Carol gives us an absolutely despicable old geezer who literally spells out the horror he'd inflict upon the poor if he could, simply for the sin of poverty. But in an effort to fixate only on how problematic he (very much intentionally) is, we might lose sight of how the whole point of the story is to watch him be forced to confront his ways, unpack all his crap, and become better for it in the end.

Characters like Prince Zuko, Edmund Pevensie, Greedling, Steve Harrington, Boromir, James Ford, friggin Darth Vader, we wouldn't have any of them if we only read them at surface level as toxic assholes and then left it at that. But through learning the nuances of these characters and watching them confront their actions and consequences and learn from them, they not only grow and change into better people, but we love them because they hold pieces of ourselves in them, despite their sharp edges. We can understand why they are the way they are, and maybe, if we're honest with ourselves, we can acknowledge that we might have done similarly awful things under their circumstances. It makes them relatable, admirable, and cautionary all at once. It makes them human.

None of that is to say that there are never characters built purely and solely to fear and loath, not at all. True scumbags can and do exist, both in fiction and reality. To try to enforce the idea of finding empathy for a true monster is often a tactic used in reality to gaslight people into excusing said monsters' behavior.

Which leads into the "i can fix him" argument. When applied to situations dealing with real dangerous and horrid people who can't or won't change? Absolutely Not Great (though that's not to say it can't be included in a story, there are valuable themes in that on its own). Condoning this dynamic as something good is what leads to abusive relationships and innocent people staying in unhealthy situations for far too long. I'm among those who can attest to that personally.

That said, when it comes to Astarion, no one can rightly say going through his romance arc or not is condoning anything. Because it once more comes down almost entirely to perspective and interpretation, because he's a video game character comprised of pixels and a well-written script and there are limitless ways he can be interpreted and interacted with.

Like, personally, yes, there are some dynamics I'd feel uncomfy pairing him with, even with the empathy I feel for his character. Platonic or romantic, doesn't matter. Does that mean I'm going to apply my interpretation and personal boundaries to the next person playing the Astarion romance? No. That would be assuming I've somehow discovered the "correct" way to interpret the game, which I have not and can never do because RPGs like Baldur's Gate 3 are such personalized experiences. People are 100% free to play a fictional game however the hell they so please, because stories are not inherently 1-to-1 reflections of reality.

Especially when it comes to the narcissism accusation, it sparks an extra layer of discomfort for me when it seems like characters who act selfishly or spin lies get called "narcissistic" when that's kinda severely over-generalizing what narcissism actually is??

Narcissism is inherently selfish, but not all selfishness is narcissism. Gaslighting is built on lies, but not all lies are gaslighting. This separation was literally bugging me so much, I talked with my therapist about it last week. And she agreed.

Some folks seem to forget is actual NPD isn't just about selfishness and manipulating. It's fragile ego and delusions of grandeur and the mind games, dysregulating highs and humiliating lows that they will weave in a web around you so that you, as a victim, can never get your mental and emotional footing. Usually for the purposes of then swooping in to offer themselves as your only source of stability. The whole "rely on me because your judgment is clearly faulty and you need to be protected from yourself" shtick.

You know. Kinda like Cazador.

The way I see Astarion, by contrast, is that he has an honesty to him that lacks such delusions. As much as he desperately tries to maintain this veneer of poise and sass and devil-may-care out of self-preservation, it's paper thin and crumples under the barest pressure. Like, the equivalent of a thematic sneeze and down he goes. Then you see him as he is. Which is just... frightened. Sad. Kinda pathetic, really. And absolutely, positively lost. All things he knows, but he legit believes he will be killed if he lets any of it show.

Comparing that to, say, Wyll, who's blissfully ignorant bluster reminds me painfully of self-aggrandizing family members that I love but can't interact with honestly because of the forest of self-delusion around them... well, it's not much of a contest.

If somebody interprets Astarion as a slimy, manipulating power-monger and gets rid of him the first chance they have, that's their story to tell and power to them for it. But the same must be said for the opposite. I don't appreciate the thought that there's a whole sect of the BG3 fandom that probably genuinely considers me "less than" or "unhealthy" or "problematic" in some way for being among those who like this character or others like him and their potential thematically and narratively. But if my interpretation is that he’s a frightened man who just wants to feel safe and free, that is also its own story and it's mine to tell if I wish. And both can be good or even powerful stories!

Is all of this based on my own personal nuances, biases, and priorities? Absolutely. And that's kinda the whole point... There's not a wrong answer with this, really. I experience these games and these characters through a lens that is mine and mine only, and I give meaning to the worlds I enter based on what makes the story feel most interesting and satisfying for me. And at the end of the day, what else is art for but to help us explore ourselves and learn a little bit more about what it means to be human. In all its glory and ugliness.

And that's a wholly personal journey nobody deserves to have micromanaged or belittled. I'm certainly not gonna go around looking down on anyone for having a different reading than mine. You do you, boo. But let me do me too.

[librarycards]

Do you know how stop obsessing over calories (look at pictures of food and watch videos of people in hospital) easier than "Just Start Eating More"? Every person says "Well, eat more and you will not think of it so much". I am not from U.S and harm reduction is not even in my language. Doctors here do not know this concept and it is thought "You do not eat so now you are sick. Go to the hospital or eat with parents". I learn about harm reduction on Tumblr and forums but I do not find an answer to make it easier. Maybe it does not be easier. If this is so, I understand, but I think of it often.

Oy. If I had a fix for calories, you can bet i'd be screaming it from the rooftops. that said, I have gotten to a place where I can look at food a Normal Amount and not watch those awful before & afters and the like, so i'm including below a few recs that don't involve (for example) eating more, decreasing activity, and other traditional 'recovery' methods.

find a new, niche/weird thing to watch videos about. seriously. get obsessed with some hobby or subculture and fill your ig, etc. feed with those! i went through a phase where i'd just watch flight attendant vlogs. i also love "draw/paint/package things with me" videos. Ideally, these would be videos where the person's body wasn't constantly centered.

relatedly - when i was really fixated on peoples' hospital stays and bodies and tubes and stuff, it was because i was lonely. i was desperate for someone who actually shared this experience with me, because i hadn't processed it yet. the best way to address this takes time, but is very worth it: make friends. irl and online. make friends with people who have shared experiences and are good listeners, but are also fun to talk to about other things.

if you do want to keep watching videos about food, you can reduce harm by watching people who promote positive and curious relationships with food! emmymadeinjapan on youtube is one example of this. the baker Erin McDowell is another.

forgive yourself, and make space for doing things partway + in grey areas. this was. like. the hardest thing for me: i spent so much time early on either eating everything on my plate or, if one element was too scary, eating none of it. this isn't a realistic way to approach anything in life! i don't know how old you are or how much of your diet you currently control, but if you are able to decide what's on your plate, make it a mix of things you know you can eat and things you're not sure about.

or, build in a time of day where you try a new snack, even if you aren't able to do it every time. the point is creating new habits -- habits in which you give yourself permission to eat. not because you are required to, but because you have important and meaningful things to do with your life + you need to eat in order to be alive for them!

honestly, there's only so much advice I can give beyond simply gritting your teeth and Doing the Thing. it fucking sucks, and it hurts, but it's much easier when you have warm people in your life who understand, and ways of entertaining yourself that are attendant to your experience but not completely mired in it. this is an important reminder that you're a regular person who can have a variety of regular interests! this is a part of you, but it does not wholly define you, and you have a whole life to live and relationships + hobbies to explore beyond this focus on calories + institutions.

[cosmicdream222]

Hey Girl ,

Firstly I wanna say this before asking any question because I really really mean it ..... Thank you so much for giving us all our answers whenever we ask . Your answers are really helpful. Thankyou so much really form the bottom of my heart for your guidance and support .

So I'm curious about ....... When we affirm we do that so we can change our beliefs about it and we also do the same when we listen right ? For listening we include subliminal,aff tape and all so ...... What could happen if we listen to aff tape , subliminal , even so so relax while we are doing our affirmation sessions or doing psych k sessions. But what if in our background there is so much noise or toxicity ... So is that toxicity also gonna enter in our subconscious with our affirmation or with aff tape because I think we increase volume to a fixed point but some times there is so much going on that have nothing to do with you or just pure bullshit and I'm worry if it goes in my mind and I affirm that it not goes in my mind what i hear but i also hear aff tape so my mind questions and I don't have proper answer so what do you think ?

( i count all those psych k , affirm sessions , aff tape things because in those activities as much as I know we are so so relaxed and our subconscious is wide open . As relaxed we are , we easily communicate with our subconscious ) .

So what's your take on it ??????

Aww thank you for your kind words, I’m glad to help 🥹❤️

I totally get this because regardless of your living situation, just existing on planet earth is exposing us to negativity, limiting beliefs and toxicity from every angle, starting from before we’re even born. We’ve always been exposed to so much negativity, which is why any adverse childhood experiences or trauma is not your fault, it’s the result of the collective negative beliefs that came from society, media, your family, and all those who came before you.

Everything unconsciously manifests until we start to take control and decide we’re not gonna let those old patterns stop us anymore. When you decided you’re gonna be the creator of your reality and manifest your dream life, you’ve set the intention and made the decision that that’s who you are now.

It’s like you’ve placed your order on the cosmic Amazon site and all you have to do is sit back and wait for your package to arrive. You’re using affs and subs and all that to comfort the overactive human mind that is saying it’s not gonna happen. Your higher self already knows your success is inevitable.

Yes there might still be negativity in your environment, but those are just messages from the old story. You’re choosing now not to identify with them, that’s not your story anymore. They are only successful if you let your human mind run wild and start doubting, spiraling, and pull you back to the old story.

That said, I know being in a negative environment makes it 1000x harder because you are fighting off even more toxicity on top of everything else. I know many people can’t control their living situations, but you can try to limit your exposure to fear mongering news, violent TV shows, mindless social media scrolling, and the like. Protect your mind in any way you can.

I love using subs for protection and flushing from negativity. ★Harmful Affirmations / Intensions Shielder & Protector ★ This is one of my favorites. It’s a morphic field frequency with no affirmations used, to flush your mind of negativity and protect you from it in the future. It’s only a minute long and can be looped as many times as you need it. No headphones required but the binaural panning is really satisfying with headphones 😅

Also there is a sub maker who has made a lot of unique protection subs that include reiki, morphic fields and other combinations. She released some a few weeks ago (the first 2 in the playlist) my bestie & I listened to with the intention of getting her out of a toxic living situation. Within 2 weeks she had found an even better place to live, moved out and blocked the person, so I really think the subs helped! I made a playlist of her subs specifically for removing negativity and toxic people.

[deservedgrace]

the more I become a leftist as well as being ex-evangelical is really, really making me think how xtianity is basically a perfect tool of manipulation for imperialism.

and how much it has damaged the world into thinking humans are inherently evil. contributing to people feeling hopeless about humanity in the belief that we are inherently cruel. as xtianity spread that idea of original sin to everyone

a lot of other cultures viewed humanity in a more neutral light. some neutral to good

how would someone feel like they can make actual change in the world for the better if we were taught humans are inherently damned?

through this and many other aspects of xtianity… it is no wonder many conservatives who fight against progress are evangelical. and no surprise that christofascism would evolve as a concept and is a significant threat in the US

you're so right. there are so many things that contribute to xtianity being so effective as a manipulation tool but enforcing the idea that something is inherently wrong with you in order to sell the "cure" (xitanity) is particularly insidious

there's this weird dichotomy in evangelical xtianity where you're this horrible, depraved sinner without any hope of being better because you're a human and it takes away responsibility and accountability for your actions, and yet you're better than all the other sinners because you have ~the cure~, and because you have ~the cure~ and you're better than everyone else, you don't need to look at the harm you're doing. it's really similar to the issues in like, over-identifying with being a "good person" or "bad person" imo. if you're a "bad person" there's no point in examining your behavior because everything you do is bad, and if you're a "good person" you don't have to examine your behavior because everything you do is good. and in so many of these people we get this weird yet inevitable mix of "i can't help that i'm a horrible evil sinner" and "i'm always doing the right thing" that leads to this inability to self-reflect or take accountability even when people explicitly say they're being hurt. and then it's magnified by this belief in an all-knowing, all-loving god that you cannot question without consequences and couldn't possibly ever understand with your mere human knowledge that demands your full trust and faith anyway or burn in hell for all eternity

and then by claiming that everyone else is horrible and evil and that you have the ~one true fix~, you get these people who desperately want to "help" others but simultaneously view them as inherently evil and worthy of destruction, and that combination is catastrophic because then you have people who are not only willing to do whatever it takes to "fix" them, they view it as a loving activity

and all of that ties into the problem of heaven, where people are like "why should we make things better for people when the good, deserving xtains will be rewarded in heaven anyway and this life won't matter, and the evil, undeserving non-xtians are lucky that earth isn't as bad as hell will be"

i can only speak for where i'm at (the us) but the idea that humans are inherently evil is prevalent even outside of xtian circles, and it's so unfortunate because that's a very xtian idea that stems from the idea of original sin... which is the reason xtians think xtianity is necessary in the first place

i'm gonna stop there but i have A Lot of Thoughts about xtainity and why it's manifested the way it has

[anon-e-miss]

Vault - Reunion

“Thank ya,” Ricochet murmured when Prime and Ironhide were out of audio range. Jazz nodded.

“I don’t think he bought a scrap of that,” Barricade said, wary as ever.

“Important thing is Prime’s goin’ long wit it,” Jazz replied. “Ironhide ain’t gonna start scrap wit ya without his okay.”

Out of sight, out of processor, Jazz thought the easiest way to keep Barricade from getting any grief was to keep him close to home while he settled. Jazz did not entirely trust Barricade’s motives, neither did he entirely trust Ricochet’s judgment but he was prepared to wait and see. There was no need to worry about his allegiance for a while. With the bitty he was carrying, Barricade would be out of commission for a while. Given the chaos in Darkmount, his and Ricochet’s absence would not be noticed for some time to come and even when it was, there were good odds that the Cons would blame it on Tarantulas. There was no need to let Megs know the eight-legged freak had been eliminated. Let Tarantulas’ drones keep them on the fritz until they fizzled out.

“Which one of got yourself scrapped?” Ratchet demanded without looking up from the CR chamber. Prime was in the medbay with him, Ironhide was mercifully absent. He never lingered in the medbay lest Ratchet get the idea he needed a tune up.

“Not scrapped,” Barricade grumbled. “Just carrying.”

“Room 3,” Ratchet ordered. “Lie down.”

“The bitlet’s my nephew,” Barricade said. “Can I just stay long enough to see that he’s okay.”

“Nephew?” Ratchet asked. “Prowl knows how to keep his secrets. Lie down on that medberth over there. Keep quiet.”

Ricochet helped Barricade onto the medberth and helped him settle on his side so he could watch. Jazz made his way over to Optimus and left his brother to fuss over his lover. He had not had the slightest idea of Ricochet’s romance with a Decepticon and as a result he had not done any digging to see just what sort of mech Barricade really was. That he had found Tarantulas’ lair, that he had been after vengeance for his brother despite the vorns of no contact, that he had wanted to save the nephew he had never known both spoke well for him. What Jazz could confirm was his testimony regarding Sentinel being responsible for the destruction of Praxus. The scum bucket had left behind plenty of other evidence regarding his crimes, mostly because he had not seen them as crimes but as acts of righteousness.

“You haven’t told Prowl or Punch would have alerted that he was trying to drag himself here,” Optimus said.

“I didn’t wanna be alone when I broke his spark if the news was bad,” Jazz explained. “He’d need ya, ‘n Ratchet.”

“He never never mentioned a brother,” Prime said.

“They both kept it close to their sparks,” Jazz replied. “‘M thinkin’ there was a lot of sparklin’ package there. But they made a pact, once Prowl appeared on our side, not to harm each other. Cade didn’t know Tarantulas had’m or he woulda gotten ‘mself slagged to save him. I need ya to be honest wit me. Cade said he joined the Cons because he heard Sentinel Prime give the order to wipe Praxus off the map and Megs had the city encircled. That ring true?”

“Yes,” Optimus replied with an all too familiar world weary gravity.

“Figured it wasn’t somethin’ he’d lie about,” Jazz sighed.

“Megatron wasn’t the villain in the beginning,” Optimus replied. “If he hadn’t lost his way, our history books would write him as the saviour of Cybertron.”

“What happened?” Jazz asked.

“I wish I knew,” Optimus replied. “Because if I did I might be able to fix it.”

“I’m activating the release protocols,” Ratchet said. “Don’t interfere. If he reacts badly I don’t need to be tripping over anyone.”

“Consider us statues,” Jazz said. He held his intakes as he watched Ratchet definitely key in a long string of commands. With a hiss, the CR chamber opened. From within it came a piercing cry.

“Owie!” The bitlet wailed and Jazz felt a tug on his spark. As Ratchet picked Ostaros up from the chamber, he brushed away a dozen cables. The bitlet, a large and chubby thing, kicked and cried as Ratchet crooned to him and set him on a medberth. “Owie!”

“Is he hurt?” Jazz asked as the bitlet seemed to cry in pain.

“He’s calling for Prowl,” Ratchet replied. “Owie, Ori. It’s okay, Sweetling. We’re going to bring your to your Ori soon.”

“How is he?” Prime asked.

“Perfect health,” Ratchet said. “Miraculously. There are scars around his spark chamber. That monster tried to implant his spark chamber in that protoform you found. I’m not sure how the shock didn’t kill him.”

“‘M sorry I can’t drag ‘m up from the Pit to kill’m again,” Jazz said.

“Owie,” the bitlet thrashed.

“Barricade, are you actually Prowl’s brother?” Ratchet asked.

“We shared a progenitor,” Barricade explained.

“It could be enough resonance to settle him enough to finish my exam,” Ratchet declared. “Ricochet, help him sit up. I need Barricade to hold Ostaros while I look him over.”

“Sure,” Ricochet helped Barricade sit up. The gravid Praxian did not look quite as ashen or green. Hopefully solid ground and clean air would help his light-cycle sickness.

“Hold him against your spark,” Ratchet ordered as he draped the bitlet against Barricade’s chassis. “Don’t kick your cousin.”

“No owie,” the little one whined as he looked at Barricade. The familial resonance was still enough, or maybe it was the doorwings. Either way, he stopped thrashing and just sulked.

“I’m not but you’ll see him soon,” Barricade reassured him as Ratchet ran more scans and did a physical exam.

“Everything seems to be... perfect,” Ratchet said, sighing with relief. “Do you want an energon goodie, Sweetling?”

“Goodie?” Ostaros perked up.

“Mhm,” Ratchet reached into his subspace and offered the bitlet a treat. Ostaros took it and shoved it into his mouth and smiled as he chewed.

“He’s perfect,” Optimus said. “Thank Primus.”

“He is,” Ratchet confirmed. “Barricade and bitlet are in good shape. They just need Barricade to get a few good meals in him and some real rest.”

“Eh?” Barricade asked.

“I mostly had you hold the bitlet to distract you,” Ratchet declared and Barricade flushed. “I’ll give Ricochet a list of supplements I want you on because I’m going to guess you haven’t let Hook or Oilslick anywhere near you.”

“Absolutely not,” Barricade confirmed.

“He’s got pretty much constant nausea, that okay?” Ricochet asked.

“It can be,” Ratchet replied. “Filtered midgrade could agree with you better, Barricade. Filler in rations can be hard on the fuel tank.”

“Okay,” Barricade said. He looked up at Ricochet.

“I’ll get it for ya,” Ricochet promised him. “Ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout havin’ enough, Sweetspark. Not here.”

“Ratchet, Prowl’s gotta be feelin’ the bond again ‘n goin’ half crazy,” Jazz said. “Can we bring ‘m to ‘m?”

“Everyone is good to go,” Ratchet confirmed.

“Prowl... might not want to see me,” Barricade said. “He doesn’t know... He should get the chance to just be happy.”

“The bitty just settle cause ya feel familiar enough wit the resonance,” Jazz replied. “Ya led us to ‘m. Prowl’s gonna be happy ya helped get’m ‘n yerself home safe.”

“Prowl can hold long grudges,” Barricade cautioned him.

“If he thought ya was scrap, he woulda seen ya scrapped,” Jazz replied. “Even if he didn’t know. He understood enough.”

“Barricade,” Optimus interjected. “If Prowl has any doubts, I can confirm the destruction of Praxus was at Sentinel Prime’s servos. Prowl’s suffering at Tarantulas servos began with him as well. I can’t imagine, hearing what you did and seeing what you did and losing what you did, making a different choice than you made.

“Thank you,” Barricade murmured.

“A transport will be outside waiting,” Optimus said. “Tell Prowl I’ll check on him and his bitlet later. I think he is going to feel overwhelmed as it is.”

“Comin’ to help if he has a crash, right Ratch?” Jazz asked.

“Yes, I’m coming,” Ratchet replied. “I want Barricade back for an ultrasound. After everyone settles. I think the procreators to be would probably like a first look at their creation.”

“Yes, please,” Barricade agreed. Ricochet was smiling in a way Jazz had never seen before. Impending procreatorhood suited him.

Jazz tickled Ostaros’ cheekplate as Barricade carried him to the transport. He had been frozen in time at 3 vorns old. Somehow he had come out of statsis with no ill effects, at testament, Jazz thought, to how well Prowl had looked after him. The bitlet was a hefty little thing, bigger in every way that Jazz would have thought he would be. He remembered Cheetor describing Prowl has having looked frail with a large belly. Beyond every other torture, the rapes and degradation, what had Prowl endured just to bring this bitlet into the world. Taratulas was no medic and Jazz did not want to imagine Prowl enduring a c-section at his servos. If Prowl had suffered lingering damage from the ordeal, Ratchet must have repaired it during the marathon surgeries. Even if Jazz asked after it, Ratchet would never tell him. His patient had his privacy rights.

“Owie?” Ostaros perked up as the transport pulled up to Jazz’s building. He looked about, looked for his originator. “Owie?”

“Almost there,” Jazz promised. “‘M a little surprised he ain’t waitin’ on the sidewalk. ‘M glad but I gotta wonder what Ori had to do to keep Prowl in berth.”

“You picked a good nursemech for Prowl,” Ratchet declared. “Don’t know if I could have managed it without sedatives.”

“Where are we going to stay?” Barricade asked Ricochet. “I know you don’t have a place in Iacon.”

“Wit us for now,” Jazz answered for his twin. “It’ll be cozy but it won’t suit Ori to see either o’ ya in a hotel.”

“You two realize your originator is terrifying, right?” Barricade asked.

“Y’re carryin’ his grandbitty, yer automatically gonna be in his good books,” Ricochet promised him. “Me, ‘m the one in trouble for not gettin’ ya outta Darkmount sooner.”

“He’s right,” Jazz declared. “Ricochet better treat ya like a king if he wants to get outta the dung heap.”

They took the elevator up and it was a tight squeeze but no one was keen on waiting for the next one. Everyone wanted to see Ostaros in Prowl’s arms. Jazz led the way to his habsuite and knocked twice, once heavy and once light, before entering his encryption. You never just came into the habsuite when Punch was on guard, you always gave a helms up. Barricade froze but Ricochet took his arm and tugged him gently into the doorway. As his lover dug his peds in and shook his helm, Jazz stepped off to the side and watched Ori silently approached. It was obvious Barricade was scared, not of physical damage, Jazz thought, but maybe something worse and it was making his gold face plates pale and gold green at the edges.

“I don’t think...” Barricade murmured.

“Everythin’s gonna be fine,” Ricochet promised him.

“Jazz can take him to Prowl,” Barricade said. “He doesn’t need me.”

“Owie?” Ostaros did not exactly strain in Barricade’s hold but he looked about wildly.

“Please Jazz?” Barricade asked, desperate for an escape. As he looked to Jazz, he saw Punch and he went ashen.

“Take the bitty,” Punch ordered and Jazz took Ostaros as Barricade just about shoved the little one into his arms as he wobbled. “Ricochet, get’m on the couch.”

“Easy Barricade,” Ratchet cajoled him. “Sit.”

“I’ll make some ruby tea,” Punch declared. “No sense tryin’ to fuel’m when his tank is rollin’.”

“What should I do?” Jazz asked as he bounced Ostaros lightly. “Should I wait.”

“Take the bitlet to Prowl,” Punch ordered. “Before the Twins can’t hold’em anymore.”

“So that was yer trick,” Jazz said.

“Oh yeah,” Punch replied. “I don’t play clean ‘n fair.”

“Geni!” Sideswipe exclaimed as he stepped into the doorway. He and Sunstreaker were sitting on Prowl’s legs with colouring books in front of them. Prowl stared at Jazz and then at the bitlet in utter disbelief. He shook his helm.

“Owie!” Ostaros made grabby servos as he called to his originator.

“He’s yers,” Jazz assured him. “The reason the bond went quiet was because the freak had’m in a CR chamber. Ratchet’s cleared ‘m. He’s in perfect shape.”

“My bitlet,” Prowl sat up straighter and leaned to reach for the bitlet. Jazz sat at the edge of the berth and put the little mechling in his arms.

“Easy,” he soothed.

“Owie,” Ostaros snuggled against Prowl’s spark.

“That’s yer bitty?” Sideswipe asked.

“Mhm,” Prowl hugged the bitlet tight, tears of joy in his optics. “I designated him Springer.”

“Not Ostaros?” Jazz asked and Prowl shook his helm.

“Tarantulas called him Ostaros,” he explained. “He was always Springer for me.”

“It’s a good designation,” Jazz replied. His own creations inched up for a better look. They surrounded Prowl like Jazz imagined older siblings getting their first look at a new bitty brother.

“He’s pretty cute,” Sunstreaker declared and Prowl chuckled and stroked his helm.

“Thank you,” Prowl said. “So are you.”

[tookishcombeferre]

Part 2: A War In Enchancia? Is There Just Cause?

Yes. I say this only because, in my estimation, Cedric was kind of right when calling Roland out on "The Day of the Sorcerers." I will extrapolate on this. Roland wasn’t a good king. He was impulsive. He did and does dangerous things. He puts people at risk for not so great reasons. For one, Roland takes absolutely no reasonable accountability for using the Wishing Well to, basically, kill his wife. Granted, I'm sure he did not know that would be the end cause of his wish. I'm sure he was heartbroken over it. Yet, it remains that his impulsivity is dangerous. We also see this in the Wassalia episode, in which, he risks not only his own life over a few extra gifts for his children, but he also puts Baileywick in danger. Baileywick is the steward of their country. He would be the person to advise either Amber or James in Roland's absence should one of the two of them rise to a Regency position in the event of Roland's death. He puts both of them in a situation where they would be incapacitated, and it is one of the greatest acts of political stupidity I've ever witnessed. While Roland may be an outwardly beloved king because, outwardly, he's a loveable doofus. His life style would also indicate that taxes are high as a kite in that Kingdom. Maybe they're a prosperous country (they seem to be), but how much so? Like, sure, you have decent public education. However, you also have your kids turning drinking water into chocolate milk while you galavant off into the forest with your wife to doodle. He doesn't check the blueprints for the infrastructure of his Kingdom before building roads to ensure that he isn't killing off sentient beings.

There were whole hosts of things that Roland I and Roland II should have been looking into in order to avoid harming their sentient magical neighbors. Roland sees leadership as a popularity contest. We see this when he allows space for Miss Nettle, as Sasha the Sorceress, to take over a feast after having just met her because he prizes a good show over knowing a person’s true nature. (Granted that Cedric is claiming to be evil at that point, but Roland still had a longer running relationship with him than Sasha the Sorceress. He was also not planning to do anything actively evil in that episode.) Besides that, Cedric is the one who fixes Roland’s mistake in that case despite the humiliation. On the subject of Cedric, Roland II also permits the continued psychological abuse of one of his staff members by other kingdoms that began under his father. Beginning in the reign of Roland I, when "the Incident" occured, the psychological abuse of a minor was rampantly permitted and encouraged throughout the nobility. While no one was in the room when the two potions were mixed, a through investigation into the actual "scene of the crime" as it were was, apparently, never done. Instead, Enchancia chose to gaslight a 7-9 year old boy into thinking the entire accident was his fault until he was somewhere between 39-41 years old. Atonement for the years of psychological abuse is never shown in the series and the only moment we see of the character in question seeking restitution is seen as a supreme act of villainy as opposed to a legitimate call out of the treatment faced by a screwed up system of bigotry and oppression. What I'm saying is there would be actual reasons psycho-social reasons for Cedric to have overthrown Roland and for it to be completely justified. If we think about what other Disney movies/ shows have said of similar characters and situations, we could fall back on Esmeralda's line about Quasimodo "You saw what those people did out there? To let them torture that poor boy? I thought if just one person could stand up to them ..." (Or something to that effect. I'm paraphrasing.) I fail to see what makes that different, at least, on a CAUSE level. (We'll get into the other parts later. Let me cook.) Additionally, based on what we see from the servants in the show, they are overworked. They only have one assigned day off, all of them together, and they're required to spend it on a picnic with Roland and with each other. Now, granted, I don't know if they can take more time off or not. BUT! We see what happens when Baileywick tries to take time off. The kids keep trying to eat into it. Now, you may claim that Baileywick is just Baileywick and he has free will and the autonomy to say "no." The kids also learn a lesson from this. HOWEVER!! Kids learn from what they see the adults doing, AND their behavior is a precedent set by Roland/ castle norms. Roland does have a tendency to abandon his people and problems when they arise. Finale on the boat? Need I say more? Amber makes a better Queen in the finale and she's what ... twelve? Thirteen? So, based on Enchancian culture from the beginning of Roland the First's rule through the rule of Roland II there would be justification for several different characters to hold an uprising over Roland based on a lack of respect for their dignity as human beings and to their autonomy and their rights as humans.

Part 1|| Part 2|| Part 3 &4 || Part 5 & 6 || Part 7 & 8

[breakerwhiskey]

245 - TWO HUNDRED FORTY FIVE

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Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

I’ll—I’ll get to your latest in a second but first…

I’m already having a hard enough time ordering my thoughts—talking out loud on the radio and spending my days talking to Harry…it’s like my brain is more active than it’s been in months and I feel like I’m bouncing from thought to thought with no order or intention.

And it’s so much worse than usual right in this moment because Harry just told me something that…

I don’t know why she didn’t tell me this a year ago—maybe because when she first confessed everything I refused to hear more about it. But I talked to her about what I was saying yesterday, the messed up logic of her view of me and her view of Pete and she—she said it was different. Because what Pete did was cold blooded murder, not an accident, not an escalation of a confrontation. And I didn’t buy that, how could she know, she wasn’t there and she—

It was his partner. Um, two of the people who died—one was a teller who refused to open the vault and the other was um— (pause) was a seventeen year old boy who tried to take Pete’s gun away. And that’s—I mean, I didn’t expect one of them to be just a kid—but I figured that’s what happened, that something went wrong, someone tried to interfere, a gun went off and—

But the third person was Pete’s partner. His…mentee, his protege. The two of them, after they did get into the vault, after they—well, they, um, snuck out through the back and Pete—Pete shot him point blank in the head and left him in the alley behind the bank. Which…does put the other killings in a different light. Suddenly the death of the teller doesn’t seem like a robbery gone wrong, but instead…

It’s different. That’s what she said. I mean, she also said that she doesn’t want to kill Junior, that she doesn’t think that’s a way to solve anything, but that she’s had to think it all through anyway. She had to consider it, because if it was the way to make things right with me, then she would—

But she knows it’s not. She knows it wouldn’t fix anything, especially since she already learned that taking extreme action to protect yourself from the possibility of harm can lead to something so much worse. Because that’s why she turned Pete in. Because she felt it was just a matter of time until he did what he did to his old mentee again, but this time to me. She didn’t think she could convince me that he’d ever hurt me—and…she’s probably right about that—so she…made a different choice.

And now I have to live with this knowledge and figure out how it changes my entire world view and feelings about one of the most significant relationships in my life.

[click, static]

So…I’ve had some things to process. Clearly. But I’m not—I’m not ignoring you, especially since what you said—

“I’ll transmit safe location”. That’s what you said. Birdie does this mean…are we going to meet?

I assume you mean a safe location for you to…leave me something, or somewhere Fox can’t find us or…I don’t know. I know what I’m hoping for and I also know that I need to hold that hope tightly so it doesn’t grow out of control.

I don’t know how you plan to transmit a location without Fox or Junior hearing it, but I have no doubt you’ll come up with something.

So for now I’ll just…wait. I’ll wait and I’ll keep going North.

[click, static]

[shoechoe]

if VA was stretched out over a longer period of time (which i think it should've been) i kind of wish we could've seen some of this in action. i always felt like bruno's character has a weird disconnect where we know in the back of our minds he's ultimately a gangster, but at the same time we mostly see a lot of his softer traits like his kindness toward children (despite him attempting to murder a 15 y/o in the first arc but whatever i guess) and dislike of the drug trade and don't really see him doing much actual shady gangster business past his introduction (and JJBA always likes having ally characters be super nasty when they first appear to fight the protagonist but then have them turn around immediately).

i think it would've been interesting to see how he acts when he's actually doing some nasty gangster stuff that the job requires of him. like, does he try to morally justify it to himself or try to detach himself from the act? if he cares about children so much how does he feel when he gets orders to torture-interrogate and kill children like with giorno, or if he has to kill a child's parents? mafias harm children in way more ways than just the drug trade (but then we're just going back to the main problem VA has with hyper-focusing on drugs as a Bad thing mafias do and never showing any others lol)

combined with the overall altruistic main motive of him & his group to protect trish, i think going past goofy one-off jokes and seeing them actually engage in gangster business like controlling exploitative businesses, loansharking, smuggling, and threatening businesses for their money with violence would've helped to actually portray them as people lost in lives of crime and violence but trying to accomplish one good thing instead of just being weird hypocrites, as counterintuitive as that may seem (then again i do not know how you fix the "they actively exploit innocent people with gambling and violence but are against selling drugs and assassination teams" weird moral line. if it were up to me i'd probably just try to write that out of the story in some way.)

[laura-de-milf]

I know we don't (yet?) have the full story for the Niles-vs-Laura situation, but so far I feel like there's a suspicious discrepancy between what we've been told vs what we've been shown about their early Bureau days and how that contributed to however their relationship left off. And I am dying for more insight into this.

We're told from the outset that Laura's the villain and the betrayer, and that Niles considers her a danger to the Doom Patrol. We're told that she's a "self-serving cancer to be excised". (And...we're meant to trust him? Because Niles is...good?)

What we're shown is two seasons of drip-fed backstory where Niles elects to stay on at the Bureau in what seems to be a very high-ranking position, despite his awareness of its dubious doings. I think, given his personal connection to the tundra expedition, we're meant to think that he's doing it for subversive reasons, but we're later shown that he initiated and conducted ongoing experiments on Metahumans using Bureau resources for his own personal gain. Sure, he eventually brought four of them to safety--but only after directly and intentionally causing them irreparable physical, psychological and emotional damage thus rendering them dysfunctional as people. We learn from Laura in 4x06 that most of Niles's projects ended up "unceremoniously nipped in the bud" for being "dangerous or foolhardy" (by an institution which considers breeding potentially-apocalyptic carnivorous butts a reasonable pursuit), so we can probably safely assume that Niles has been responsible for even more dangerous and/or harmful efforts which are conveniently not spoken about.

We're shown some moments of guilt from Niles--but given that his experiments eventually produced the desired outcome, and that this outcome directly relates to the safety of his daughter--he's exhibited no active remorse in having conducted them. Certainly nothing like the relentless self-loathing and personal destruction that Laura carries in the form of her own guilt, along with her multiple active attempts to go back (whether physically in time or by operating in the present) to fix her past actions.

Laura was an employee under oath to the bureau to fulfil a very specific--albeit also morally questionable--duty, yet still regularly broke that oath in order to rescue people whenever she could. Being a meta herself, she was putting her own safety and job at risk by doing so in an act of selflessness antithetical to Niles's selfish drive to preserve his own life. Laura was able to relate to those who would become the Sisterhood and did everything in her power to give them as much freedom as she could, given the circumstances, even if it meant distancing herself from these people who she'd come to love when tensions were mounting after WWII. Until, of course, it all went horribly wrong. (I'm still of the belief that the raid was done under coercion or began as a well-intentioned plan that went sideways for reasons beyond her control but that's an essay for a different time.) She absorbed the guilt and blame for this herself, both externally--allowing others the emotional satisfaction of directing their pain towards her in the form of anger--and internally--truly believing herself beyond forgiveness for her moral transgressions. Niles, on the other hand, lied to the Doom Patrol about his true actions and intentions in order to preserve their trust in him.

Further suspiciously, Niles's letter condemning Laura concludes, "For the good of our work [...] it is my strong recommendation that she be terminated immediately." We know objectively that the work the Bureau was doing was inhumane and that Laura has previously (secretly) opposed it. So what evidence could he possibly have had against her which would get her fired from the "good" work of an institution that actively exploits and kills people? Hm? Niles??

What we have so far is essentially a he-said-she-said between Laura and Niles about what really happened at the Bureau. It's Niles's memorandum and "evidence" which eventually got her fired, and for some reason it's Niles's narrative which prevailed--probably for the very simple reason that he was the longer-standing member, grandfathered in from the Bureau of Oddities*, and seemed to be in a more senior position. He gets to be the well-meaning-but-sadly-mistaken fatherly figure while Laura is painted as the villain, dangerous, and expressly instructed to "stay away from [Niles's] people".

But why? What really happened at the Bureau between these two? Because what we've been told from Niles isn't matching up to what we've seen of Niles and what we've been seeing so far from Laura's POV.

I so hope we're going to learn more about this in Part 2 because my brain is running in circles about this.

*Laura mentions in 1949 that she's been working for 35 years, which would have her joining the Bureau around 1914/the start of the war. Niles seems to have established himself during the pre-war Oddities era.

[ready-set-shenanigans]

Feel free to pick and choose at your leisure but:

- Break for Nolan

- Desire and/or Midnight for Kris

- Secret and/or Skin for Psy

This got, quite a bit long lmao. It'll be under a read more

Nolan -

Break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Nolan is, a very tough nut to crack in most senses. Such as like the lab/company he is stuck with often studies with the human psyche and artificial beings. He has been in a position of what counts under psychological torture a handful of times and still stood strong, at least with keeping appearance (to say he'd been completely unaffected would be wrong)

He's been in the heat of battle many a time and at one point had to be a key leader of some. He's learned to keep a level head react less strongly in order to survive. But I do think being forced to watch as those he's closest to (i.e Sterling, Cait, etc.) come to serious harm or worse, would break him.

He hasn't really been in a position to completely break down yet, but I can kinda imagine what his expression would be? Like, absolutely full of devastation with a haunted, hollow look in his eyes. The kind of way one might get when there's a total gut wrenching, stomach dropping, empty pit feeling when something awful happens or intuition of something about to happen? His usual calm anger in most situations now replaced with panicked, anguished pleas and begging. I dunno how to describe it very well atm unfortunately jfdkgs

I might try to draw it at some point possibly.

There'd also only been a few times during a period of adjustment to a whole new universe in which he had felt hopeless at being ripped away from almost all he knew. But this would be more like typical showings of signs depression; hopeless, no interest in anything, struggling with basic care. A few people have seen this from him, but I probably wouldn't say anyone has really seen him at his complete lowest yet. (answer likely to change if i get around to writing more with him)

Kris -

Desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

I want to say it'd likely to have more freedom and to have more exciting things happen in his life. But he wont be very open about it, more likely to have to pry it out of him (if you want any info from him about himself tbh).

He feels like he's unable to express his desires as he grew up in a rich home (most people wouldn't want to hear something like that from someone who grew up rich, cuz y'know, money can resolve most issues for the rich) and fairly uncaring parents (one being emotionally absent and the other caring more for reputation and show-y, wants to know everything but not actually care unless relevant)

In regards to freedom, he's been actively working on it since he started trying to distance himself from his family, trying to make a name for himself but not necessarily in a sense that means to get famous. Working in robotics to keep himself busy, a job that he finds some joy in, something he picked up for himself without the influence of his parents. And he keeps hoping for one day to be more exciting than a project going right, or wrong in an amusing way. (This is likely to be fulfilled sometime if he keeps interacting with Sid (@ace-shenanigans) methinks)

Midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

He does get nightmares sometimes where he gets forced back to being with his mom, and having to be put through beauty pageants again, essentially being a living dress up doll for his mom to fuss over like when he was a kid.

And he's fully aware he acts like a complete jackass to everyone, he just doesn't know (nor really care to fix it usually) how to not be like that. But sometimes it will keep him up for a bit, nervous that one day it'll get him fired from the one place he feels safe to just exist. And when he's unable to sleep at all/stay asleep, he'll usually either be on his computer at home typing away at some coding or he'll drive to work and get started on some small, quick project(s) for a bit with some classical music playing quietly in the background. (On these kind of days, he'll usually look like the living dead for 2-3 days)

Psydon -

Secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

Psy technically should be wearing glasses cuz he's nearsighted, but doesn't wear any/keeps his pair hidden away. He doesn't see to much of an issue with this either since a lot of what he does mainly requires him to see things close to him anyway. (He also isn't quite sure why he's cautious/embarrassed about this but he is)

He also isn't super fond of the profession he's basically forced into, as he feels like the things he's learned/learning may come back around to him manipulating others one day.

And this one isn't so much a secret that he never wants anyone to know about per say?? But he does have a crush on both Micha and Ash, that tbh he wont even admit to himself for a while.

Skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

It's very hit or miss most days with how comfortable he is with himself. Between the times in which Kris refers to him (and the others, i.e Ash, V0id, etc) as "it" and his coder (an elderly man named Soloman) who originally assigned him as female and will still refer to him as such when he manages to make it in, never really settles right to Psy (and he'd sooner forget about the encounters when they happen).

He also struggles sometimes with the whole, being AI/an Android as it's left him with feeling trapped, almost hidden from the world and unable to really get to experience anything or get to "live" with how his line of work has him busy (basically "new age therapy/therapist") and how the people in charge of him and his case don't actually let him leave the proximity of Skyh Labs all too often.

In the irony of learning about therapy, he doesn't really know how to apply a lot of that knowledge to himself. So he doesn't know how to face another facet of himself outside of being extremely careful on choosing his words, and anything that would be deemed negative or hurtful to others, he bottles up and has an internal existential crisis over it later in the privacy of his own room. He tries his best to not acknowledge it all more often then not.

[csmelody]

AAAAAAH sorry if this has been said before, or was meant to be an obvious thing implied by your work,

But i just keep thinking about the lore etc youve built up, and one of the things i end up wondering about is the healing magic (and now, how it interacts with magic resistance etc etc)

Bc like

Its Established that magical energy was left over in nats wound and severely impeding the healing process, but that it could be activated and set right (bc it was a magical injury? And was in the process of being healed?)

( Is essence/magic always neutral and potentially restorative like it is in the other place for spirits, and just applied to induce harm, or are there inherently different energies? [Electricity runs our hearts and keeps them beating, but can also stop them, or start them?])(Is essence inherently restorative?)

Its Established that going to the other place ptolomys gate style results in a) injury/aging/negative effects and slow recovery and b) an abundance of magical energy within the body upon return

Also established that kitty has resistant powers (reg and sword.), some sort of kinship with the amulet which has inherently similar powers, and shows resistance to meshing fully with bartimaeus (did she see less of an effect coming back from the other place than ptolomy due to this and not just bc of duration spent?)

So if nat went to the Other Place would he potentially have ptolomy level effects, negative ones but also in the amount hes suffused with energy? (Ptolomy "brighter" than kitty)

And more importantly given its a "magical injury" and energy is present, is it possible the energy is potentially stopping or slowing the healing/recuperation/relearning?

Is it possible that bart could do the same thing he did with the side injury, or similar, in order to fix/speed up recovery post dimension hopping were it a non magic resistant person in question? (Whether it can be done from the outside, or must be done from the inside)

Did kitty recover on her own more effectively because (along w just keeping more energy out longer) she wasnt infused the same way in the first place, and her sort of 'restorative temple', (as one has in a human body apparently,) was never accessed, and therefore never disrupted? (As we saw bart (who is made of essence, same as other place) couldn't really properly get into it?)

Does the body react badly to the other place because of a disruption to like, whatever is going on in there that makes it good for a djinni to be in there? Is it a similar disruption to what caused nats wound to get janked up?

If i understand/remember correctly the presence of the magic in nats wound allowed for barts healing, but its presence prevented/slowed natural healing. As time went on for both kitty and ptolomy after their adventures, they regained some of what was was lost, but kitty much faster and more fully. /but,/ she also lost the glow (energy/essence?) faster i think? (Resistance chasing it out? Continued exposure to the amulet?)

Ptolomy didn't seem to Really lose the glow and the healing was there but very slow paced, kind of like nats wound. (Magic not leaving, natural healing reduced)

All this leading to

If bart /could/ help w the effects of ptolomys gate field trips by activating the energies or something similar, (just not with someone resistant to magic like kitty who is our only other example of whats up w all that,) and bart /realized/ that,

Is it just oh fuck i could have helped ptolomy. I could have /saved/ ptolomy. Any advantage could have been the one that would have led to a different outcome?

Added onto whatever circumstances (honestly probably nats life being saved and him nearly not recovering. Again.) led to getting the knowledge that, yeah, you probably could have if youd known to, and known how (even if its impossible to know if it would have changed anything)

.

.

Uh. Sorry for rambling and ranting. All this to say thank you for the good fic, im clearly invested. Ive read it thrice.

It is very late though so i apologize for any eccentricities, faux pas, and/or inclarities in this here message. I probably should have slept on sending this but for some reason im worried ill forget what im thinking about now if i dont.

Oh also Please feel free to ignore this or respond without posting the ask itself for whatever reason

(eg not to clog dash, somehow ive gotten too close to a spoiler plot point idk, you just dont feel like it, its just incomprehensible, the government will find and dissappear one or both of us if they see this due to nefarious machinations we're yet unaware of... all good reasons.)

In general, No offense meant, and none will be taken if likewise. :)

First off, spoilers up to chapter 30 of The Lost Artefact. Probably not that far, but just to be safe. And I'm sorry it took me weeks, but I was just so focused on writing and not losing momentum. I hope you end up seeing this. Plus, I'm trying my best to say what needs to be said without spoiling the rest of the story. It's harder than you'd think. Okay, so, these are questions I want you to be wondering about, so I guess I did my job. 😂 And I'm not offended, I'm deeply flattered! I love chatting all things Bartimaeus.

The short answers for TLA are that magic is neutral, intention is the key, and ageing isn't a wound or a condition, so it's not 'curable' by magic. Here are some things I took into account:

Nathaniel wasn’t healing properly because the residual magic kept burning through the stitches and the meds.

Bartimaeus feels instantly reinvigorated when he’s summoned into Nathaniel’s body in PG, as does Nathaniel. So magic can’t be inherently bad to humans. In fact, it’s a symbiotic relationship when done right, and we get the sense that this is how it’s supposed to be with humans and spirits, actually, just like Ptolemy’s conversations with Bart foreshadowed.

Essence can burn through human flesh and skin (when the body is put through ‘unnatural’ circumstances, like eating a bunch of humans), as exemplified by Nouda. So magic isn’t inherently all good either. However, we don’t get a sense that there’s a timeframe exactly for this. Faquarl seemed to be doing well and he was in his host (Hopkins) for quite some time.

I took the Ptolemy/Kitty conundrum differently. Essentially, I based it on the fact that Kitty is a healthier individual, stayed in the OP for a shorter interval, and didn’t die soon after. Ageing, like I said, isn’t a wound or an illness, so it doesn’t function the same. At least that’s what I figured.

As for how Kitty and Bart literally didn’t mix, I figured that Kitty’s resilience should extend to magic in general. She resists the bad, but also the good. But it’s not like she totally cancels out Bart, and there are different types of resilience.

That's all I'm going to say for now. Otherwise, I think I'll just be giving myself away, hahaha. I should really get started on a Bart master list so these are more organised...

Anyway, feel free to drop a question anytime. (Or a prediction! Always fun.)